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neowinestainedress · 8 months ago

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hi rebs! i’m back once again to annoy you !!! so many things had happened since the last ask sooo i think we should address the elephant in the room first…

i sometimes (always) think we should be allowed to kill 5 man daily. i know they suck but is it too much to ask for them to be normal human beings? i think that man really fooled us so well cause no one was expecting something like this from him ever. and i mean, we weren’t expecting it from any other member either but it was so shocking to see his name cause he was always so quiet and reserved and calm but turns out he was the worst. we were all crying about him and his health meanwhile he was being a piece of shit…. i just wish the worst things to happen to him and that he rots in jail.

also in terms of the idol-fan relationship, it may sound like i’m saying this just because the truth came out but to be honest i always thought that he was so boring and gave 0 content so i could never “bond” or form a “relationship” (as a fan-idol) with him. like as i said, he was always so reserved so if we think about it we knew nothing about him all these years. and yes, of course he was the main vocal but i think his hiatus helped us see that 127 could live without him cause apart from his voice he didn’t add anything else to the group… so we also saw how capable doyoung, haechan, jaehyun, jungwoo and yuta were of doing his parts (and tbh the rest of 127 too). so, speaking in terms of talent, i don’t think he was a really big lose BUT he did a lot of damage to the team like we can see how affected the members are. and speaking as a fan, it is so sad to see that we as woman are not even “safe”? with our hobbies cause we could be stanning and giving money to someone as disgusting as him so the first few weeks i really felt guilty of listening to nct’s music like he ruined my experience but with time i learned to understand that i shouldn’t be giving him the power of ruining more things for us.

and please don’t get me wrong, of course i’m not trying to make 127 and the fans the victims cause we aren’t, we were just affected by his actions and the victim(s) are the real ones who suffered but i think there’s not much more to say about them without trying to be disrespectful cause we don’t know much about the case (and it’s totally alright btw). i just wish that nasty man suffers so much in his life.

and that’s all i have to say about it at this point, i’m still so shocked and disgusted about it but we have to move on from him.

now, i don’t want to sound weird but i was planning to tell you everything here but after speaking about that topic i don’t think it’s right so i will send you another ask speaking about the other things i wanted to tell you (the concert!!!) see you later rebs, i hope you’re doing well!!

- 💌

hi!!!

i read the news because i saw his name trending, i was SAD because i was ready to read enlistment news (even if i found it weird cause that asshole was still limping) and then i read sm's statement and my world fell apart.

he has never been a fave of mine, i never kept up with him but that's exactly what fooled me the most. he didn't even do anything for women to shock me so much (take a look at jaemin and how he recommended an app when women are alone to be safe, or doyoung donating women's necessities, and several other small things the others have said that make them look like decent human beings toward women) but the fact he was so shy and on his own didn't even make me come up with any idea of him in mind. he looked like a shy, private man who just tuned in to do his job, so much that i thought he had a whole family he was hiding for how private he was... and instead...

i barely stan men (literally nct are the last left and then i have some other male singers i like but i don't keep up with them in the same way). i surround myself with women, listen and watch their art but is it possible that you can't even enjoy MUSIC because men suck? i know they're men but i cannot listen to their music and think “oh they must be rapists/abusers behind closed doors” to avoid this “just in case”. i simply don't put them on a pedestal and know that we surely wouldn't agree on feminism (cause the more time passes by the more radical i get (not in a terf way, just incredibly mad and angry and TIRED)) but i also don't think (and CAN'T think that, or else it would destroy me) they're terrible humans when the cameras are off.

i have to be honest i didn't listen to anything from them but it's not because of what happened, i just didn't. i'm sure i'll be able to block him out just like i blocked out somebody else. watching old content would probably be harder but also he was more like a shadow, he rarely spoke up or did something funny so i don't think it will be that hard to pretend he doesn't exist.

this stained the group but simply because people can't take anything seriously. if other fandoms use him against the group for fanwars i know they don't care about the victim(s) and the issue at all. armys still talk about kris when they want to drag exo, mind you he left in 2014!!!

i feel sorry for the members too because from their reactions it was shocking news for them too, and realizing someone you loved and looked up to so much is such a terrible man is not nice at all. i can't say he wasn't a great vocalist, it would be a lie, but yeah, like you said, 127 can survive without him and the last months showed it.

i hope he suffers a lot and that his victim(s) will find peace and heal.

can't wait for the next happy aks!

#anon answered #💌 anon

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gingergofastboatsmojito · 1 year ago

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Catharsis / FYI / Lesson Learned

Just know that when you see a non-Sydcarmy fic out there with a plot that includes codependency syndrome, a hotel chain poaching Carmy and taking him abroad, a happy ending, and Donna being a recovered alcoholic, which I have already mentioned time and time again on my blog that I think is gonna be her redemption arc (unless she dies), and that the main non Sydcarmy couple breaks up and gets back together when her codependency syndrome is under control, THAT PLOT IS ACTUALLY MINE (and a previous Sydcarmy plot about a trans person and a gay guy befriending Carmy in rehab, too, btw) bc I made the mistake of helping a writer with her fics. Ofc I have the receipts but I rather not use them, I’m not like that. I don’t expect credit bc after this writer used me, with my consent, she blocked me. It’s fine, I was clear from the get-go and I mention this all the time on my blog, that I only enjoy, write and read Sydcarmy content and she disagreed with that. I did make a small and occasional exception for her, though and I now regret it, and quite frankly that's the only thing I regret, even knowing the end result at this point. My bad.

Not that I owe ANYONE any explanation for my preferences as a writer, reader, fan, or viewer but I have my reasons for 💯 thinking that the best writing in this fandom can be found in Sydcarmy fics and that other pairs are usually extremely OC and are typically a bunch of dialogue lines thrown out there with no plot and a lot of smut (you guys know how much I dig smut, right?), which is not really my cup of tea but I fully support that it may be others'. I just happened to notice that it's not necessarily as complex as a concept to write about, bc in that case you don't have to worry about characterization or about what the creator/writer/director/EP really meant to say or tried to convey with their work, seeing as you completely disregard or bypass it and just keep the same names. I get it though: it’s easier and more practical to just write OC and pour down on the page all your sexual fantasies in the second person. I’m just not here for it and I am not sorry about it. And I’m unapologetic about this bc as I mentioned, to each their own, let's just be open about it.

This fandom is big enough not to have to cross paths and just be able to coexist peacefully, agreeing to disagree (if you are mature enough to handle that ofc). As long as the content is properly tagged and disclaimed, etc so we can all decide what to stay away from and what to dig in, making an informed decision, that is. Let's be clear: I don’t have to like ANYTHING, none of us have to be on the same page as to what fics we think are good or bad, which ones we love or which ones we fucking hate with a passion, but we all should act with integrity, here and offline. So that being said, I wasn’t treated that way and even though I feel used, I enabled it, so… karma, I guess. I was even stupid enough to send voice notes bc I was at work and then a few messages down the convo this person said: "I think I will have X do Y and Z...", which was exactly to the T what I had suggested AS PER HER INSISTENT REQUEST a few messages prior in my voice notes. So, I guess I had it coming...

While I have only been on Tumblr for like 5 minutes (2 months and 1/2), I have been quite active in other fandoms in the past, such as LTM and TXF, because I was born in the 80s, guys :) and nothing like this has ever happened to me before, I even had an account on FF.net where I did lots of collabs, and half the time I just donated my ideas bc I was too busy to actually write the fics myself and I was traveling all the time, so it was easier for me to let someone else write the stories, I have no issues sharing as long as everything is properly labeled. Everything was dreamy back then, I never had this kinda experiences before, and will take every precaution moving forward to never have them again, because it feels shitty and OC for me.

My points are:

1- Just FYI.

2- I don’t take this lightly #LessonLearned

3- Let’s agree to disagree in peace, please.

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

#sydcarmy #the bear fanfiction #the bear fx #carmy x sydney #the bear hulu #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #ao3 fanfic #the bear #ripped off badly #fanfic #carmen berzatto #the bear fandom

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supercooldiary · 10 months ago

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life recently

i've felt neurotic if i'm being honest. i can hardly sleep at night anymore and i can hardly eat. i think it's just the stress of school starting again. i'm sort of excited but obviously nervous. in my posts and the fact that i post diary entries on tumblr at all probably reveals that i don't have many friends and i'm not very good at making them, or i should say attempting to. i have some classes i'm looking forward to though. and i like the school gives me something to do everyday. as a very lazy person it confuses me that i have such insecurity and shame in that part of me. getting dressed and going at least one place makes me feel successful for some reason. this coming semester i'm taking a journalism class and i'm really beyond excited. journalism interests me a lot and i'm hoping it can give me an introduction to some people with these interests as well. maybe i will be introduced to some outside of school activities, i usually fail to participate in those. today i also went through all of my pants in my closet. i have so many skirts so i tried them all on to see if there were any i should donate. most of my clothes are from the thrift store, otherwise i would feel rich with how many items i have in my drawers. i also went through my jeans and finally gave up a pair that never fit me. i don't now why i have such a habit of purchasing clothes that are too big. i guess i just hardly know what my body even looks like so i just assume certain sized fit when they really don't. anyway, i only got rid of like four things, which isn't bad for me. i just love skirts, i always buy the funky ones from thrift stores with patterns and colors. recently i've had an obsession with knee length skirts to maxi skirts. i used to like mini skirts a lot when i was younger and i wore them a lot, now i don't know if i'm confident enough for it. i applaud my younger self so much because they weren't so afraid of themselves, they wore what they wanted and indulged in their interests even though they were weird. sometimes i get embarrassed when someone brings up how i used to act, but i can't hate them, especially when i'm mostly the same. i'm glad i had the phases i did, i don't think people respect their 2020-2021 selves as much as they should. just because everyone was ''cringe'' doesn't mean that it wasn't you. that version of me was important to figuring out who i was, without it i wouldn't be so into mcr, and i love mcr. plus that time was crucial for me at least when it came to self identity, without that i think it would be harder for me to be myself. growing up religious and still being religious makes liking girls as a girl kind of hard. i like guys too, but i can't act like that makes anything different. i like who i am most of the time and i'm glad i'm still here. in short, i've been reminiscing a lot. i get like this when school season comes back, i guess i start to feel old. at the same time part of me looks forward to being out of school and being an adult. i guess it's just that i have no clue what i want to be and who i want to become, and it feels like everyone else does. i wish i could just write forever and have people read it and feel what i feel and make people want to write too and make them feel good. i guess how i felt after finishing the bell jar. it made me sad but it also made me so happy, it made me feel hopeful that one day things won't be foggy. i'm not proofreading tonight. i think i'll find a farming game to play. goodnight.

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pielove123clan · 11 months ago

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9, 10, 33?

9 and 10 right away, my mom made sure i had earring peircings when I was a baby so ive had simple single ear peircing, both sides, for earings. I don't want any more piercings because they don't appeal much to me. Its itchy and I don't prefer putting on earrings. That being said, I have paper crane earrings and I need to put those on more because those make me happy. My mom is a horder of jewelry to the point I've gotten a little disenchanted with it. She's so insistent with, "When I die, you keep all these. Don't sell them or don't give it away. These are genuine stones." And her fucking room is a fire hazard to the point she can't sleep on the bed. But noooo, if I tell her, im being an ass because she needs all those clothes that are piled onto the floor and I can't really do much. She bought me clothes too when I was little and those also litter our house, I got mad and threw them all in trash bags that litter a whole couch, and there still more. And then, can't even feel good if I were to donate with how many clothing items litter the Earth and its a wide spread issue with the practice of fast fashion and, agh. All a mess. Giant mess.

33. What words make me feel the best around myself?

I don't get this question but hm. Multiple people have called me 'mom' and I don't mind that. A friend called me 'the first boss of social interaction' and I think about that a lot. That made me very happy. I have also been called 'a walking contradiction' and that's been part of my life and existence now.

I like when people find it hard to understand me and straight up tell me that. It makes me happy when people can't read or predict what I'll do but it's a double-edged sword because I don't want to be perceived as a threat by the people I like. It makes me defensive when someone tries to read deep into me and they say stuff like, "see, I know you" because its a thing my parents do and I don't like that because most of the time, their wrong. Or their right but I didn't want them perceiving me, I mask around them for a reason. Its a personal offence but I don't tell people that so I don't expect them to know, so I don't take it personally against them. I am aware that I'm not hard to read at least. It's whatever.

Another one of those contradictions again, because I do want to be understood as much as I want to understand others, but then also that takes work and effort that I can't equally give to everyone 100% all the time. I am also selfish and have my own intentions. I can't feign interest in something I might really not care about. Im paranoid that I don't see my friends past the fun parts and don't contribute anything back to them. Or I don't see them past what I want from them. I adore chatting but I don't quite contribute much but then all of a sudden, one invasive thought and im trauma dumping which is not good, but then how do I have honesty if everything feels interconnected? I don't believe or care for the dillusion thing, I think people should be able to express their anguish comfortably, but also I understand it makes people uncomfortable its supposed to, but theres also overdoing and, here we are with another mess when really, things are conditional and need to be adjusted to adapt with the situation going on, and ill be here on another tangent of things with my faulty lens if I continue more.

There are so many cool people wandering around in this world and I'd like to know what they see, because I can't see in the same ways they do. That's what makes humanity fascinating. I can't think of anything else to type.

Thank you for the ask, Astral!

#asks #ask #tanuki speaks

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fan4196 · 4 years ago

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Alex’s Award

Hope you like it. Enjoy!

Thanks to @angry-slytherin :)

If you would have told intern Alex that fourty years in the future he would sit right here, beside his amazing wife of almost thirty years, he would have laughed hard. Never had he imagined that his hard work and a little lie about testicular cancer could bring him this far.

Sitting here in between hundreds of brilliant minds, hoping to win one of the biggest medical awards was still crazy for him. Why him out of all? Why should they give him an award? Why should he out of all deserve an award like this?

As he keeps looking around the room he recognises so many amazing doctors from all over the country. And he still can't believe that he is one of them.

He takes his view back to the stage as he hears Catherine read his name as one of the nominees of the night.

"...Doctor Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital..." That's all he hears as Jo squeezes his hand softly before she continues stroking the back of it with her thumb. He glances to the side where his wife is sitting and smiling proudly while she's watching the stage. His view follows his wife's to the stage as Catherine is about to proclaim the winner.

"And the Catherine Fox Award for medical innovation goes to- Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

The sound of words reach his ears but don't seam to reach his brain. His brain doesn't get it.

The grip of his wife's hands on his cheeks made him finally realise it. He fricking won.

His shocked face slowly defrosts as he looks into Jo's teary eyes. The smile on her face shines of proudness as she leans forward to kiss him, putting her left arm around his neck while her right hand disappears in his hair.

What felt like minutes for him turns out to be only a few seconds as Jo loosens her grip on him.

"I'm so proud of you." Jo whispers while she looks him in the eyes. "Now go and get your award." She loosens her arms completely and carefully pushes him towards the stage.

Where he's standing behind the microphone with his award in his hand within seconds.

"Fu- Sorry. Ahm wow. Thank you so much. I have this long list of people here I want to thank but let's make this short. Mom, Doctor Bailey, Robbins, Mer - thank you. But the person I really have to thank is my incredible wife Doctor Josephine Karev. Without you I would never stand here right now. You made me better, you changed me, you make me believe in myself. Not one person in my life believed in me more than you do. And I'm so incredible grateful that I met you twenty-seven years ago. I'm grateful every single day that I have you in my life, that you believe in me as a person and as a doctor and that you gave me this three amazing kids. Without my kids this idea would have never come to my mind. So I guess I have to thank them too - Emery, Parker, Eden I'm so thankful to have you; to have the privilege to call me your dad and I'm so proud of the people you grew up into. Not to brag but all three turned into amazing Doctors and just last week our son made us grandparents, so I guess we didn't screw them up too much, Princess." Everyone laughs while his eyes are glued on Jo. "Also, I hope someone is filming this, Mer, Cristina, Robbins, Avery-"

He puts the award next to his face before he keeps going. "I have one too now.”

While everyone laughs and applauds him again he makes his way back down to his seat. Smiling big as he sits down and kisses his wife again.

"You're gonna pay for the 'Princess'." She declares as she ends their kiss.

"It was worth it." He simply smirks.

The award show keeps going, honouring a few Doctors that are about to retire.

While they silently follow the scenes on stage Alex slowly starts stroking his hand up Jo's thigh through the slit of her dress. He carefully gets closer to her to whisper in her ear.

"Let's leave early and have some fun."

Not really on board with her husband Jo puts her hand over Alex's to stop him from going any further, before she turns to him.

"You have to go up there at the end of the show again for pictures and everything." She whispers to not bother anyone.

"We'll be finished by then." He replies cheeky, looking around to be sure no one could hear them.

"Ha you don't really believe that right?" She asks looking him in the eyes with an raised eyebrow.

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"No I'm saying if you start you aren't able to stop. So I promise when I got my picture of you on stage with your award and you talked to at least two medical magazine for an interview, you can keep me awake the whole night." Jo answers smiling at him before she leans in for a kiss.

"Deal." He agrees as they part.

The award show slowly comes to an end and all winners get back on stage again for pictures and a few interviews. And slowly the room empties as Alex is done with his third interview.

"Go up there one more time." Jo asks him with puppy dog eyes, knowing that he can't say no to her. "Please, for me?"

So he gets up there one more time so Jo can snap a few more pictures on her phone of him and his award.

As he comes down again they ask a nice old lady to snap some pictures of them together in front of the stage.

"Thank you." Jo thanks her with a smile as she takes her phone back.

"Oh you're very welcome. By the way if I'm allowed to say so I admire your work in Africa and I would really like to donate a little something to the Karev Foundation." The little grey haired woman smiles as she gets her check book out of her purse.

"Oh that's so nice. Thank you so much." Jo replies politely as she looks at Alex and back to the elderly woman. "We make sure your little something will help a lot of children."

The old lady scribbles something down on her check book before she folds it and puts it in Alex's chest pocket.

"Thank you so much again." Alex thanks her again, than takes Jo's hand and guides her out of the room.

"And now Doctor Karev I'm gonna take you to my room and rip that dress off you." He whispers as they walk towards the elevators.

"Whatever you want." Jo answers sneaky.

They wait a few seconds before they get into the elevator and push the button to their floor.

With Alex's award and her purse in her hands Jo can't fight back as he gets behind her and starts kissing her neck. She turns in his arms before she stops him for a second.

"What?" He asks a little disappointed as he still holds her tight.

"I wanna see what she donated." Jo answers as she hands him his award and her purse.

Fishing the check out of his chest pocket to unfold it.

"Holy-"

"What?" He quickly asks as he looks into his wife's big eyes.

She turns the check to show it to him, "It's a million!"

They silently stare into each other's eyes, both in shock of the amount of money they are able to put into their work in the future.

The sound of the elevator stopping wakes them and with another quick kissing Jo turns around and makes her way to their room. Alex follows a little behind, still carrying her purse and his award.

He quickly catches up with her and gets their room key out of his inner suit pocket to open the door.

Inside he quickly closes the door and gets rid off the things in his hands. To have them free for his wife. Within seconds their lips are back together and they slowly start undressing each other.

Alex is just about to open the zipper of Jo's dress as his phone starts ringing.

"No." He grouls, but picks up as he sees the name of his daughter on the screen.

"Hey kiddos. What's up? Did something happen?" He immediately asks, as he puts it on speaker and throws it down on the bed near his wife.

"Oh shut up dad. Congratulations." The voice of their youngest daughter comes through the phone.

"Thanks Eden." He laughs, as he quietly gets rid of his shoes and starts slowly opening one button after the other while he stares into Jo's eyes with a little grin on his lips.

"We are so proud of you dad." His oldest daughter congratulates through the speaker.

"Thank you Emy." He answers, still looking into his wife's hungry eyes as he gets rid of his suit jacket and shirt.

"Yeah you rocked that dad. We are very proud and Anna says congrats too, she just went to bed with Claire." His son adds to his siblings congrats.

"Thank you guys." Alex replies as he sits down on the bed beside Jo who smiles at him.

"Is mom there too?" Eden asks, knowing that it's a rhetorical question because their parents are always together.

"Yeah. I'm here." Jo answers, turning her view to the phone.

"You looked so hot in that dress mom. I have to say it." Eden adds.

"Thanks Eden. " Jo answers a little confused, "How do you know about my dress?"

"Dad send us pictures." Her daughter clarifies.

"Oh he did." Jo replies turning her view back to her husband, raising her eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah. But we don't want to bother you any longer, by the look of you in that dress I'm actually surprised you picked up at all." Their youngest daughter jokes.

"Eden!" Emery's voice echoes through the phone.

"What? It's true. They might be our parents and maybe old but we all know that they still do it like bunnies."

"Good night Eden." Jo quickly interrupts before their daughter could say anything more, "Good night everyone else."

"Night mom and dad."

"Good night." Alex says his good bye before he hangs up and lets himself fall back onto the bed in laughter.

Jo joins him as she falls against his bare chest.

"She's not wrong." Alex shrugs as he slowly calms down again.

"I know." Jo adds before she starts kissing him again.

#jolex #fanfic #fanfiction #jo x alex #alex #alex karev #grey's #grey's anatomy #grey's fanfic #fan4196 #jo #jo wilson #jo karev

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tamedbyafox · 4 years ago

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why is it so wrong for property owners to take steps to ensure random strangers don't use their property to camp out? you typed up so much about the evils of hostile architecture, if that's what you believe then are you inviting homeless ppl to sleep in your backyard or living room instead? why not?? maybe because people you don't know have the potential to be destructive and dangerous????

this is the sort of very sad attitude that I think hostile architecture creates and encourages. I’m very sorry you live your life in so much fear. Can you really think your perception of your property’s relative safety is more important than someone else’s safety, and the thinnest smidgen of comfort?

Your ask only talks about houseless people, not those who are disabled, elderly, or have a house and simply want to socialize out in the public space. So it doesn’t address what I added to that post, but I’ll stake out my general thoughts on this nonetheless. Next time, you may want to try addressing the issues someone’s actually speaking on rather than raising the standard “Not-In-My-Backyard” defenses.

First, other people aren’t an existential threat. People existing in the general vicinity of you, or the general vicinity of your stuff, isn’t some huge threat. Most people are just people, wanting to go about their day and be left alone. People are generally ok, and they’re part of your community. To the extent that people (housed and unhoused, in public and in private) do cause harm, simply saying “you can’t sit here!” isn’t actually addressing the problem. And this also ignores that those who are unhoused are more often the harmed party than the one causing harm.

And, on the same point, if you’re going to say that unknown people are dangerous, you can’t even justify the existence of a shopping mall or a mega-store. Too many people, they might be dangerous. A laundromat? A school? A Church?!?! Theme parks??!!?!? Any sort of public space could be a threat, we should just abolish them all. The idea that people you don’t know are inherently dangerous is the deathknell of any hope of community.

Second, you’re making a false equivalency between public space and private space with your comment on living rooms. (the backyard, interestingly, is a reality for many people - there are several houseless people who stay in what I and my neighbors consider our “backyard”, and thats just fine. We’ve never had issues.) Those images in the post though, were of park benches, sidewalks, the buildings that abut a sidewalk, little trees and such. That’s a public space for people to be in! Those spaces are specifically designed for people to be in! Public spaces are for us to use! And that means all people - the houseless, the disabled, community members who just want to be outside. These park benches and trees and sidewalks were put there for the community. And to the extent that some corporation wants their storefront to take advantage of the traffic of the community, they should have to be welcoming of our community - all of it, housed, unhoused. And if the space can be used by someone to stay warm or dry, then they should do that.

Third, these people are forced to “camp out” in these spaces because we, their community, have failed them. There are systemic failures that prevent them from sleeping somewhere warmer than that. Somewhere safer than that. And I am absolutely working towards a world where everyone has the right to a warm, safe, stable housing situation. But until that day, I’m not going to deny them the panacea of a slightly warmer place, a slightly more sheltered place, a slightly safer place. Can you really look at someone huddling in a building’s indent to get out of the wind and kick them out? Why should I punish someone for a situation caused by a systemic failure of our society?

Fourth, these bits of sharp metal and wooden dividers don’t actually solve a single problem. The act of putting up some hostile architecture doesn’t address safety, or houselesness, or any other root issue. It simply pushes the problem onto someone else. All these achieve is forcing people you don’t want to see somewhere else. It doesn’t make them, or you, or the people in the space they’re going to fo to, more safe. It doesn’t end houselessness or bring about better social conditions or even make the community safe. It just means you don’t have to look at it. Hostile architecture is the ultimate NIMBY mentality of out of sight, out of mind.

Finally, I hope you take a second and think about what it means to hold the value of property above the value of another human being. I’d love to invite you to read, or watch, A Christmas Carol. It’s the season, after all. I’m going to include two passages below I think are rather pertinent.

Here, two gentlemen have come to Mr. Scrooge, before his visit by the spirits, to ask him to make some charitable donation:

“At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge,” said the gentleman, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.”

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

“Plenty of prisons,” said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

“And the Union workhouses?” demanded Scrooge. “Are they still in operation?”

“They are. Still,” returned the gentleman, “I wish I could say they were not.”

“The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said Scrooge.

“Both very busy, sir.”

“Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,” said Scrooge. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

“Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,” returned the gentleman, “a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?”

“Nothing!” Scrooge replied.

“You wish to be anonymous?”

“I wish to be left alone,” said Scrooge. “Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned—they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

“Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”

“If they would rather die,” said Scrooge, “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides—excuse me—I don’t know that.”

“But you might know it,” observed the gentleman.

“It’s not my business,” Scrooge returned. “It’s enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people’s. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon, gentlemen!”

And the second portion that I think speaks well to the problems of hostile architecture, and the isolation and ignorance it reinforces, is when Christmas Present shows Scrooge the meager Christmas of a houseless London family, and Scrooge sees something truly horrifying:

“Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,” said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit’s robe, “but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?”

“It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it,” was the Spirit’s sorrowful reply. “Look here.”

From the foldings of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

“Oh, Man! look here. Look, look, down here!” exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.

Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude.

“Spirit! are they yours?” Scrooge could say no more.

“They are Man’s,” said the Spirit, looking down upon them. “And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!” cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. “Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!”

“Have they no refuge or resource?” cried Scrooge.

“Are there no prisons?” said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. “Are there no workhouses?”

The bell struck twelve.

#Anonymous

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 6 years ago

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WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

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nemesis-nexus · 6 years ago

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Darkest Greetings and Salutations my Family how is everyone? I am doing well, it’s the first day of Autumn yet it’s in the upper 80’s with crazy humidity, go figure! It’s supposed to be like this for a couple more days and then Autumn (should) start to wander across the threshold! I hope everyone is enjoying their Mabon/Autumn Equinox, I am about to go take a walk in the early night Air myself but before I do, I will leave this here. Fair warning, this one is about 8 pages long so be pace yourselves!

Mabon/Autumn Equinox 2019

Not only is today the beginning of Autumn, it is a day to take some time to reflect on all the things that we have been blessed with this year; from the new friends we've made to the old friendships we've maintained, new jobs to new members of the Family!

There is so much going on in the world that we need to be thankful for the things that we have no matter how minor we may think they are; remember what is minor to us could be quite a big deal to another! Things such as clean water which we take for granted - turn on the faucet and there it is - is a major deal for those who don't have that luxury! Food to eat is another huge deal for those who are not privileged to have access to their own! A roof over our heads doesn't seem like it yields a whole lot to be grateful for until you meet someone who doesn't have even THAT much!

This Mabon while you are giving thanks for all these things, don't forget that there are others who don't have much and not for lack of want or trying but because they have simply fallen on hard times! Take a moment to take stock of your own life and realize how good you really have it even if you are going through tough times yourself! There are many things we can do to help out, donating to a charity in good standing, volunteering in a soup kitchen, handing out supplies to those who are living on the streets to help them get through the harsh Winter months are a few examples!

When you are gathering supplies for your Mabon feast consider picking up a few items to donate to your local food bank and donate some items that you no longer use such as: clothing, blankets, toys and books to your local shelter where they will be put to good use once again by those who need them! Remember that NOT all those who fall on hard times or are taking up residence in a shelter are adults and they too need a helping hand! Compassion for our fellow humans and the natural world should always be the norm, NEVER the exception and it should not require a holiday for it to take place, everyday someone out there is struggling to get by and while things may not be easy for us, we have it better than some!

On Mabon we light the Fires and we take some of what we acquired from the Harvest and we share with our own families and friends, we express our gratitude for all we have and we look to the future to see what we need to do to keep things moving forward! With all that is happening it is important that we do our part to improve our communities - keeping in mind that we live here too - so whatever we can do whether it's joining the school board, coaching a team, running for office or taking part in a protest - ALL of these things can help bring to the forefront the issues that are currently plaguing this country so that they can be addressed and resolved instead of left to fester and become even worse as time goes on!

Also while you are enjoying the company and festivities, take a moment to acknowledge all those who are not able to do the same because they are on active duty Stateside and around the world and give thanks for their service as they are the frontline of our defense no matter where they are stationed! It’s not easy for anyone to be away from their family especially during the holidays but they chose to shoulder this burden not for their benefit, but for OURS! RESPECT! I mentioned donating to food banks and homeless shelters, what is REALLY needed for our homeless Vets is access to psychiatric care ESPECIALLY those who are dealing with very real and very debilitating issues such as PTSD, depression, rage and suicide! Our Vets need to be taken care of by getting the medical attention they need and being given employment so they can bring in a paycheck and afford to buy basic essentials - it is the VERY least we can do for them for everything they were willing to sacrifice for the rest of us!

More than anything we should express our gratitude for everything we have that Nature provides from the Air in our lungs, to the Earth under our feet, to the Water of Life to the Fire that warms us and the planet itself because without these things we as a species would cease to exist - as would the rest of the natural world - which is why we need to start taking better care of our ecosystem!

Now is the time when the world begins to prepare itself for the Season of Death, when the leaves begin to change color and fall to the ground and the trees go into a state of suspended animation; when bears go into hibernation and the birds fly south; when the squirrels begin to gather nuts; when all those who live off the land Harvest their crops and hunt their meat to store it for the long Winter ahead! Mother Earth provides everyone, human and animal alike, everything they need to survive in any climate which is why we need to remember ourselves and treat her with the respect she deserves instead of taking for granted everything that is readily available! The more we waste things, the more we pollute things, the less there will be for future generations and what we do have will be completely useless because it'll be so toxic that consuming it or being anywhere near it would be deadly!

This Mabon I would like to wish everyone in my Family both Blood and Spiritual as well as their families, to my friends and their friends a very blessed holiday! May your tables never be barren, your cups never be empty! May you know prosperity as well as generosity! May your health always be on the uptick, may anything that is a source of stress be resolved! May your loved ones know peace and tranquility and may they never go without!

I would like to thank everyone for being a part of my life especially those of you who were around between 2012 - 2015 and are still here, your loyalty means more than you know because it reminds me that there are still people out there that won't just cut and run when times get tough! There have been those who I thought were loyal who turned out to be acting as double agents which I find to be pointless especially if the ones they keep running back to are only manipulating them and casting them aside when they are no longer useful until the next time they are, but better to know who the weeds in my Garden are so that they can be pulled rather than live in denial because I don’t want to accept that those I called Brother or Sister not only betrayed me but also tried their damndest to damage my reputation from behind closed doors because they for whatever reason thought I wouldn’t find out! I’m not worried, let’s just say that Karma has a way of sorting these things out…

I would like to thank all the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, the Temple of the Ancient Dragon, the House of the Warrior Phenex and the Ancient Church of God, your presence is appreciated as without you neither my Temple nor House nor the ACoG would exist! While there have been some rough patches we have shown by example that so long as we stand together that nothing and no one can drive us apart! Loyalty in the face of adversity demonstrates the true strength of ANY bond whether it’s between two people, a group of people or an organization of any kind. This holds true especially if the group of people is all striving for a common goal in a sea of drama that constantly threatens to wash over anyone who isn’t paying attention!

The fact is that not everyone who smiles at us is our friend and a listening ear/reading eye can and oftentimes is also a running mouth especially when it comes to those who can’t hold a candle to you and yours and are so vindictively hateful that they will make up any story and tell anyone willing to listen in an effort to ruin your reputation and stop anyone else from having anything to do with you! We never need to concern ourselves with those who believe whatever they are told without question, however, if one (or more) of those people is in OUR House then it must be addressed and dealt with quickly lest this person become a liability by dispensing information revealed in private meetings or sharing personal information of other members with those outside the group! It’s a hard thing to accept to be sure but it makes ALL those who would never consider such actions shine that much brighter!

Most of all I would like to thank the Ancient Family who years ago reached out to me and never left my side even when I became an atheist in my teens and then back in December 2012 - go figure - reached out to me yet again when I began Walking the Gates of the Simon Necronomicon and showed themselves to me in various ways! We all start somewhere and even though the Necronomicon was overall a work of fiction, there are MANY seeds of truth sewn all throughout the pages! What I have learned since then is that no matter how lost we may get on our Path that the Ancient Family will always shine their Light to help us find our way, all we have to do is trust in ourselves and our Faith in them and let the Path reveal itself to us!

While there are always those who will read the stories and use that knowledge to present themselves as being superior, we know that no one who holds any real wisdom or power would use it to keep the rest of the people oppressed! We know this because for the last 2018 years those same stories were stolen and hidden away, their contents deliberately mistranslated and oftentimes outright misrepresented because those who chose the low road knew they were nothing special which is why they had to use violence and genocide to force their agenda on the rest of the people! Many of these people are the lowly decedents of Abraham, a reprehensible human being who embodies and represents the very worst of human nature! Through his thievery and deception he sought to make a name for himself by stealing and rewriting the stories of Sumer and other Cultures, casting down the ‘Pagan’ Gods until people were too afraid to remember them! I have news for that wretch and ALL his followers who demonstrate the same level of hatred and malfeasance towards the rest of us - YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

One of the things that enrages me about Abraham is the absolute DEMAND of SUBSERVIENCE towards women, in the Ancient World it was NOT like this! In fact in Ancient Sumer men and women spoke two separate languages and the men ONLY learned the language of the women - the keepers of all things Spiritual, whose wisdom and assistance was sought out by everyone including soldiers and politicians - if the women deemed them worthy enough to be granted such an honor! I absolutely exalt NINHURSAG on the HIGHEST of THRONES and thank her and the rest of the Grand Council PROFUSELY for making me the way I am no matter how difficult and isolating it has made my Path at times because at the end of the day I can honestly say that I would never harm a child and I would be the first in line to take down any person or institution that would! I will NEVER tell people they need to hate anyone for something as trite as sexual identity or preference, same sex marriage has been legal in many places for a while now and I don’t recall the world coming to an end because of it, go figure!

The fact is all one has to do is look at the track record of ALL THREE of the Abrahamic Religions and then at the track record of legitimately practicing Satanists and you will see where the true “evil” is not only cradled but nurtured and unleashed! Then go back even further to the Ancient World and realize that for all their theft, lies and violence that the ONLY hold they have over anyone is PSYCHOlogical! Once a person realizes the truth about what REALLY happened and HOW things came to be as they are, they no longer feel obligated to feed that delusion! The second they stop feeding the delusion and they claim their independence of such debauchery is the second they are no longer a slave to Abraham and they are able to find the Path back to the REAL Mother and Father and the rest of the Family!

This Mabon I give thanks to the Ancient Family who lets me know that I am NO ONE’S SLAVE! That being said I would like to share on this Mabon/Autumnal Equinox all that for which I am grateful:

1) First and foremost I am grateful to the Ancient Family for helping me to find my Path, I admit it took a while to figure it out and there were many obstacles I had to overcome, but at the end of the day I understand why it was necessary.

It needed to happen this way so that not only would I have an actual appreciation for everything I gained through my personal trials, including wisdom and insight, but so that I would see the world with eyes unclouded, meaning that I would accept the truth no matter how much it might hurt. Part of this is accepting any situation – especially personal situations – for what they are and to not deny it out of a misguided sense of loyalty or duty to anything or anyone. One of the harshest lessons that lead to being able to do this was seeing people for who they are and to stop helping those who don’t deserve it! Unfortunately this can apply to family as much as friends and co-workers. One thing a person needs to keep in mind is that there is a huge difference between trying to help someone who is being resistant because they might have issues in their past that makes it hard for them to trust anyone and someone who takes both you and EVERTHING you do for them for granted!

The first may be dismissive because they aren't used to ANYONE giving a damn, the second has become so accustomed to others doing things FOR them that they don't bother doing anything for themselves or they continuously ask you for favors and get mad if you say no! There are those that will never accept your help no matter how sincere you are and then there are those that will not only accept your help but will milk it for all they can until such time as you cut them off, in both cases you have to let them go and move on!

2) I am grateful for my Family both Blood and Spiritual.

There are two forms of Family, our Blood Family whom we are connected to through biology and our Spiritual Family with whom we share a common Path and Belief. We may not always agree with our either one on everything especially religion, but we will go through the fire for them! Our Spiritual Family are the ones who offer us the kind of support that repairs most past damage that has been inflicted by those we have met all along the road called life and as such we in turn are able to help others through their difficult times. I am grateful for both because I know who I am and where I came from due to my Blood and Spirit; that is a privilege that many people are denied! I am grateful for my Spiritual Family because not only do we share a common bond through our beliefs but we also stand together regardless of where we come from or where we are going!

3) I am grateful for my Friends online and offline.

There are people that we meet in life who stay with us no matter what happens and these people may be physically present or they may be communicated with via the internet. While we may be able to hang out with our offline friends, go to the movies, have private conversations that can’t be hacked and go through the motions of life, our online friends are also a source of support especially in a social media forum where it can get so bad that it’s literally a free for all where it’s no holds barred. Online friends are also in many cases the only people that some have to talk to either because a person is deathly shy or because they need to talk to someone about something they feel they can’t speak to anyone in their immediate area about out of fear something may be overheard or that they might be betrayed by that person.

In essence online friends are something of a safe harbor because when we are in dire straits and there is no one else around to talk to, we can go online and talk to them. We must ALWAYS however be very careful who we trust because online friends CAN be a double edge sword, because unlike offline friends we can never be certain who we are talking to at first, however as time goes on and we become more and more familiar we can usually tell who is legit and who isn’t. Sad to say but people we know offline can be even shadier than those we meet online. It’s all a matter of paying attention and never taking anything at face value.

I am grateful to my offline friends because I have people I am able to physically be with and confide in and I am grateful to my online friends because no matter where I am (for example on a train for 24+ hours) I always have people to talk to! I am MOST grateful for those who start out as online friends and eventually become offline friends and in some cases Spiritual Family! Nobody crosses our paths for no reason, they are either there to become someone of importance to us personally or they are there to be a lesson to remind us that not everyone who enters our lives should be trusted and as such are not meant to stay.

4) I am grateful for my Temple as well as each and every member in it.

When I formed the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, it came on the heels of a VERY stressful time where I had to make a choice; either continue to be used by an ungrateful man child who felt he was entitled to have other people do his work for him while he took the credit and simultaneously disrespected me behind closed doors every chance he got, or lead by example and show the congregation that I had told many times to never be afraid to walk away from a bad situation and an equally toxic person.

I chose the latter and when I did that bad situation got even worse because not only was I accused of ruining the church while I was still running it, after I left I was accused of being a member of a terrorist group that exploited children and people were told to not trust me. There was so much more vitriolic and hateful things said but you get the idea. When I formed the TotED I vowed to not bring the drama into it and to also NEVER “recruit” members or otherwise bribe people into joining by offering automatic ordainments just for joining. In my opinion ANY rank or titled NOT EARNED is not only superficial, it is completely meaningless!

Ordainments should ONLY be offered if a person has demonstrated knowledge of the Path itself, the ability to think for themselves and not be lead by the nose and also has been a member of the Path long enough to prove their loyalty and that they are NOT just getting ordained because they can! There are too many people who claim all sorts of ranks and titles yet they have NO background in the Path and they don’t know anything other than what was dictated to them AFTER they joined the organization!

Mind you we all start somewhere and there is nothing wrong with learning about the Path after you join an organization, the problem is when the ONLY knowledge you possess is what is dictated to you and you demonstrate absolutely NO desire to learn anything else. This is dangerous because ALL cult leaders rely on their members to rely SOLELY on what they are told and to NEVER look things up for themselves. This shows a clear lack of personal application and NO ONE who lacks the desire to take part in their education or Spiritual awareness should ever be ordained because they have no more to offer someone else than the one who dictated copy and paste garbage had to offer them. In fact a person in that position stands to be more of a hindrance to someone else’s Spiritual growth and personal evolution than anything else. Not only this, but a person who cannot think for themselves or do their own research is someone who stands to MISREPRESENT the Deities rather than uphold his/her honor! This is an insult to the Deities primarily but also to the individual themselves as it insinuates that they are unable to stand on their own without the man behind the curtain feeding them their lines!

Enki, Ninhursag and Ningizheda created us to be able to stand together or alone, whichever the situation calls for, neither they nor the rest of the Ancient Family intended for us to ever become so dependent on another human - or THEM for that matter - that we are unable to function without them or to ever be so easily won over with empty titles and meaningless ranks that we would be willing to claim belief in something ONLY to hold said meaningless rank and titles!

There are few things I have and will ever ask from those looking to join or are currently in my Temple; one is that you join of your own accord as you will not be given anything except respect and support by myself as well as resources to begin your own personal journey on the Path. Your connection to the Family is your own, I cannot make it for you and despite what you may hear from other groups NO AMOUNT of contract writing in blood or any other medium will establish this connection. You need to approach the Family with respect and humbleness.

Two is that you are respectful of the other members keeping in mind that while you may possess advanced knowledge or at the very least MORE knowledge than some, that there are others who are just starting out and therefore there is no such thing as a stupid question. I would rather have someone ask me a question that has been asked 10,000 times before so that THEY know the answer than EVER have a member who is to afraid of retaliation in the form of harassment or flaming to even pose it in the first place! A person who is denied access to the same knowledge everyone else possesses is a person who will never know more than they previously did and that doesn’t help ANYONE trying to advance on their Path! Remember we ALL had our “first day” and we knew just as much then as the newbies know now, so for all intents and purposes we are not above them when it comes to following the Path!

Three is that you do NOT mindlessly attack ANYONE else regardless of their faith. If a person wants to be a Christian, Buddhist or Pastafarian that is entirely at THEIR discretion NOT YOURS and you have no more right or business to mock them than they do to mock us! If you emulate the behavior of your so called enemy then you are really no better than your so called enemy! Keep in mind if you want Satanism/Aasarism to be respected as a religion or Path then you need to ACT like you do! Also whenever you are out and about keep in mind that it is NOT just you or this Temple that you are representing when you talk to people, it is the entire Ancient Family and if you behave in a manner that reflects THEIR preconceived notions as to what Satanism/Aasarism is about or how Satanists/Aasarists behave then all you are doing is proving THEM right!

Words can never express fully how grateful I am to those who joined in the beginning - especially those who followed me from my old church - and stayed no matter how much drama was going on at the time! I am grateful that this Temple is 4.75 years strong with no signs of slowing down! I am grateful that people continue to join every day and while not everyone sticks around I take pride in the fact that they came in the first place! It shows that they were curious enough to want to know more and even though they decided this wasn’t for them, they could have just dismissed me completely as someone not worth their time!

There is so much more I am grateful for but at the end of the day but I think the thing I am most grateful for, aside from the afore mentioned, is that no matter how arduous the road that led me here has been, I kept moving forward and because I did I found my way back Home and even though new challenges arise every day in various forms, I know we will NEVER back up, we will NEVER back down! We will NEVER give up! We will NEVER give in! That so long as the Ancient Family is by our side, we can handle anything! It is my fervent hope that I convey all the lessons I have learned through my own experiences to every member of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon so that they may glean a little something from them and even avoid certain situations altogether so as to not have to go through what I did!

I would like to take this opportunity to say a resounding THANK YOU to the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, to my Sister Cindy who has helped me and continues to help me with various aspects of my Path, to my Blood Family for putting up with me, to my Spiritual Family for their continued support, to my Friends online and off for not abandoning me and especially to my Blessed and Most Exalted Father and Mother for showing me the way and for helping me to remain strong during the very worst of times - THANK YOU ALL! HAVE A MAGICKAL MABON AND A VERY BLESSED AUTUMN EQUINOX!

“O now is the time of the Harvest,

As we draw near to the years end

Now is the time of Mabon

Autumn is the time to descend

Old Woman waits patiently for us

At the threshold of the labyrinth within

She offers her hand that we may understand

The treasures that await at journeys end

O Great Mother has given of Her body,

We give thanks for Her fruit and Her grain

We then clear the fields so that next harvests yields

Will be full and abundant again.

Old Woman leads us through the darkness

Our most ancient and trusted of friends

She carries the light of spiritual insight

And leads us to our wisdom once again

And as we journey through the darkness

And as we continue to descend

We learn to let go of what obscures our soul

And re-discover our true being in the end

- Lisa Thiel (“Mabon/Autumn Equinox”)

---

“In the Darkness we ignite the fire

And we dance in the light,

We feast, we drink, we laugh

We enjoy the company this Mabon night!

We work the Web that connects us all

Our focus we shall maintain,

We gather up all the energy

And send it into the Astral Plane!

We are thankful for everyone

All those who decorate our life,

We stand together in full support

No matter how severe the strife!

No matter where we are

No matter what we do,

We know we can count on Family

To always come shining through!

To the Ancient Family who stands tall

Their Honor tried and true,

You are the reason why we are still here

And tonight we revere you with endless gratitude!

-HPS Meg ”Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss”

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss

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boofrp · 8 years ago

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1 (more coming) I'm a little confused about your situation. I understand that you don't feel comfortable disclosing all the details with people online, although I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you're asking for donations. I realize mental health plays a big part in the reason why you're unwilling to get a job, but... If I were in your shoes, and I was stuck in a toxic environment, I would be doing whatever I could to ensure I was out of that situation.

[CONTINUED] Sure, offering resources for small fees can be helpful, but there are people out there giving them away for free - so how far can that really get you? Eventually, you’re either going to have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and do what’s best for you, so you can escape the toxicity, or you’re going to be stuck there forever. Personally, I think it’s time to grow up and realize you’re not going to make a living off of selling resources. I just think it’s very unfair to those of us who are working for our own money, and I believe you’re completely capable of going out and seeking employment. Yes, you have issues - but so does everyone else. There are people who are way worse off than you are, I’m sure. I’m not trying to be rude, but I’ll admit I’m a tad bit suspicious. A piece of me believes you’re just trying to get whatever you can out of the community, as if they owe you something. You’ve been known to lie before, therefore I just can’t trust your story and accusations. Sorry.

i actually wrote a long ass reply to this but because my computer crashed right before i was about to post it, i lost everything and need to start again lmao. ANYWAY. i never once thought that in a community that is branded to be a “safe haven” and an “escape from life” that i would be thrown some bullshit like this at my feet, making me feel anything but safe or comfortable. honestly there are few messages i have received during my time on this account that made my stomach drop to my feet. this includes messages coming straight out and telling me to kill myself - that i can handle.

but something like this, honestly made my stomach drop and i hope you’re happy because when i first read this last night i began gagging/feel nauseous and then had a full blown anxiety attack and breakdown. now i’ve had some sleep and i’m not reacting as badly as i did at first to this message but i’m still shaking and feeling incredibly sick because: fuck you. now i really hate explaining myself and trying to “prove” myself to people that really do not deserve the time of day from me, but i guess i should have expected this because there are some really fucking toxic people in this community. lets get to the fun part, my actual replies to the points made in these horrible messages !!

POINT A: “if i were in your shoes i would be doing anything to get out of your ~toxic~ situation” --- first of all, be fucking thankful you are not in my situation because it SUCKS. it really sucks and experiencing this level of pain on a daily basis whilst trying to remain positive is really fucking hard. and guess what? YOU’RE NOT IN MY SITUATION. therefore you have no right to sit back and play commentator on everything i have said and done. let’s get that straight. now i have fucking tried to get out of here. let me make you a nice fucking list because you probably won’t settle until you have all the information from me.

>>> i have applied for ten jobs in the space of two days, all of which i was qualified for or they offered training for if i wasn’t. all of the answers were the same: we have filled the spot or you’re not what we’re looking for. and i have to admit my resume is pretty fucking lit because of all the things i achieved before my mental health destroyed my life. >>> i have babysat for a woman who years ago traumatized the FUCK out of me one day and i don’t want to go into specifics but it was really hard to put aside the fact that she made me run home in tears to my mum when i was 12 for a stupid reason. >>> i have considered asking my sister if i could move in with her. get this, any other time i wouldn’t even think of it because: a) she lives in a small three bedroom house - by small i mean really fucking small. b) she has a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter as well as herself and her boyfriend so you can imagine how much space they have already taken up. OH and she’s having another baby so they would be struggling to even fine space for them. c) i know that if i live with her i will only be able to have a suitcase of my possessions and would have to sleep on the floor, yet i still consider it and am close to asking. d) i have practically lived with her for a month and had a complete breakdown at the end because i was treated like a babysitting machine instead of a human and being an introvert, when spending so much time with people i need time for myself to regenerate but because the house was so small and the children wouldn’t leave me alone - i broke down. >>> i have done things to get $5 that i do not want to talk about because i know that if i even told my family i would immediately be disowned and i am not proud at all about what i’ve done to EAT FOOD. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. >>> and lastly, i’m asking complete strangers for money - something that i have struggled with all my life is asking people for money, even asking my mother for $5 for school when i was younger invoked anxiety. but here i am.

POINT B: “sure you can offer resources for money but how far is that going to get you? people already make them for free” --- do you REALLY think i came into this thinking that selling resources was going to pay my rent? do you REALLY think i’m dumb enough to believe that i could actually live out on my own with just commissions from people online in exchange for pixels that will be meaningless in a few years? HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM? you know what, $5 every now and again isn’t going to pay for my funeral insurance or my wedding in a few years, but $5 NOW is going to buy me a pretty decent fucking meal for once, it’s going to buy me a part of a ticket out of this small town. in the long run, $5 a week is going to add up and its going to HELP. also, there must be a reason more people are taking commissions each day - because there are actually people in this world who are fucking KIND and i like to believe in those people. paying commissions isn’t even buying my resources to me, because i know these people can get it anytime they want for free. no, it’s like a pat on the back or like paying someone a tip. IT’S JUST BEING FUCKING THANKFUL. if i had money i would be tipping my friends all the time. but i don’t.

POINT C: “it’s unfair for those of us who are working for our money” --- i’m,,, sorry. IS MY MENTAL ILLNESS A FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY HALF OF Y O U R LIFE, MAKING IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY IN THE WORLD? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING FAMILY? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R FRIENDSHIPS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS TURN Y O U R CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENTS INTO APPOINTMENTS WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST, ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND FINDING WAYS TO MAKE YOUR SCHOOL LIFE MORE COMFORTABLE SINCE YOU WERE LITERALLY TWO STEPS AWAY FROM KILLING YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MORE TIMES YOU CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U ATTEMPT SUICIDE TWICE BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN SIXTEEN? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS EFFECT Y O U IN YOUR WORKPLACE TO THE POINT WHERE YOU WERE CLOSE TO GRABBING THE NEAREST PLASTIC BAG AT YOUR REGISTER AND PULLING IT OVER YOUR HEAD AND SUFFOCATING YOURSELF? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U BULIMIC AND ANOREXIC? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE IT HARD FOR Y O U TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT WANTING TO FUCKING DIE? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R BODY IMAGE? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

POINT D: “you’re capable for going out and looking for employment” --- please refer to my next answer to another anon who is a fucking dick too.

POINT E: “you’re just trying to get shit out of the community cause you think it owes you something” --- again... FUCK YOU. what the fuck have i done to make you believe i’m that shitty of a person? and if i was trying to scam this community out of money or whatever the fuck you think i’m doing, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THREE FUCKING YEARS IN THE MAKING, BEFORE I EVEN KNEW I COULD MAKE A FEW CENTS USING ADF.LY LINKS. i have lied about things in the past, but things that i a) owned up to and b) were NEVER about my mental health or my living situation. i’mm fucking SURE that if you go through my blog you will find me talking about how fucked i am in life. this isn’t some story that i shit out yesterday for money, for fucks sake. if it seems like i suddenly have all these problems - i’m fucking great at pretending i don’t want to be alive and that i hate myself.

POINT F: “i’m not trying to be rude” --- YES YOU FUCKING ARE. IF YOU WERE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SELF AWARE OF IT AND PUT YOURSELF ON ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IF YOU KNEW THAT THIS WASN’T RUDE, YOU WOULD HAVE COME OFF OFF OF ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. but of course this isn’t fucking rude it’s just picking away at my life and trying to make it sound like i’m a fucking asshole because i am literally suffering in my own home :~)

you know what? there is no way i can possibly come to a nice conclusion about this message in a sentence or to. so here is all i’m going to say: a) i’M NOT COMING TO YOUR DOORSTEP AND ASKING YOU SPECIFICALLY TO HAND ME OVER $2 SO I CAN BUY DRUGS OR WHATEVER THE FCUCK YOU’RE THINKING and b) YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE AN EXPLANATION FROM ME BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. i don’t know what the fuck you want from me. my family is in $7k debt from my mum’s boyfriend’s mum’s funeral a month ago. do you want the fucking death certificate? do you want to see the flowers we got from her funeral insurance? DO YOU WANT A WHOLE FUCKING LIVESTREAM OF HER DEAD BODY BEING LOWERED INTO THE FUCKING GROUND? OH FUCKING HELL, DO YOU WANT TEXTS THAT GO BACK YEARS BETWEEN ME AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF ME CONSTANTLY TELLING THEM I WISH I WAS FUCKING DEAD? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD WHAT I EAT IN A WEEK? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD MY MOTHER TELLING ME I’M BEING FAT AND TO STOP EATING? DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG MYSELF IN PUBLIC JUST SO YOU CAN FUCKING SEE HOW SERIOUS THIS IT? i don’t know what the fuck you want from me and what your great plan was when sending these messages, but i hope you’re fucking happy.

#a #if u wanna see me go off then (:#also general trigger warning like if you're sensitive then ?#Anonymous

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