#- which i can't blame them for i mean I'd be frustrated too. i AM frustrated too

[loumauve]

I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.

(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)

[daz4i]

man if anyone else was in my situation I'd tell them "noooo don't listen to the people in your life who tell you you're making excuses and just being lazy, it's clear that you're in pain, not to mention executive dysfunction makes everything so much harder and depression draining you immediately after one action, be kinder to yourself" however. i am not anyone else

[certifiedsexed]

Is it unacceptable to decline dating someone because they're asexual?

Someone came into my life in the last few months who is VERY set on getting into a serious relationship with me, and although I do really really like them and wish it could work out, we had a conversation a few days back where they revealed that they're asexual and entirely sex repulsed. They told me that they'd never want to have sex, were against me potentially seeing other people for my needs, and that they would even be uncomfortable with me masturbating in a shared apartment if we ever moved in together. I wish I could go along with that, but I have an incredibly high libido and I genuinely cannot imagine forcing myself to become celibate like they need me to be, so I told them earlier that I'd like to break up since I have a feeling our incompatibilities will only make the both of us frustrated and unhappy as things progress. They blew up on me though, saying that I'm being selfish since, in their words, "I'm really not asking for a lot," and that if I really cared I'd compromise for their sake. Like... is having this as a dealbreaker genuinely unreasonable? Am I being too stubborn? To me this feels like a big deal, but they make it sound like it's the easiest request they could've given me and now I'm nervous that maybe I'm just making a mistake by giving this much importance to my sexual needs.

Good question! I think declining to date someone solely based on the fact they're asexual, without knowing anything about their sexual preferences beyond that, can be heavily based on bigoted assumptions.

But that's not what you're talking about. You're saying y'all had a serious conversation about sexual preferences and you've realized you're completely incompatible and you don't want to pursue a relationship with them.

That's not bigoted and not just completely reasonable but also very responsible! You're respecting their wishes and preferences while also respecting your own, which is a great thing to do!

That's not selfish. You're allowed to break up if you want to. Sure, if this person was dating someone else, it's quite possible what they're asking for isn't a lot! But for you, it is a lot and that's okay.

But what's not okay is guilting you for wanting to break up and saying you're being selfish by "not compromising", especially when no compromise was even mentioned. That's not okay behavior.

This isn't unreasonable. For you, this is a big deal! It's okay to give that the importance it has to you. Just because sexual needs aren't important to them doesn't mean they can't be for you.

That's just another example of what you were talking about and how you thought you were incompatible.

I understand how their response could make you nervous but you're literally allowed to break up for any reason.

This is absolutely a fine reason to break up, especially with the guilting on top of it. You do not want to be dating people who blame and guilt you for entirely reasonable decisions.

Hope this helps, Anon! Wishing you luck. Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[nothorses]

Well that was a lot of really creative ways to avoid saying donate to a Palestinian.

Hey, I understand the hurt and the panic you're feeling, and I'm worried about Palestinians too. I'm hurting too, and I'm worried too.

This ask sucked to receive. It hurt a little to feel like the effort I have been putting in to promote Palestinian fundraisers, particularly to double check that what I promote is vetted by someone trustworthy so that people do not lose more faith in the validity of these donation efforts on my account. More than that, though, this ask made me feel angry and isolated.

The post you're referring to is a post about local community support networks, and what I said on it was just a list of small things people can do to build local community connections, starting from 0. It's for people who don't think they have friends and don't know how to make them, or who don't know how they can translate friendship into material support and action that benefits the whole.

This ask made me feel frustrated that you don't understand that point, or the importance of it. Or maybe you do, and you weren't willing to see or engage with that point because of other feelings you were having. Maybe you chose to direct those feelings at me because you needed an outlet for them, and you weren't thinking about the impact your actions would have on someone else.

Donating to Palestinians is also good, important work. I have fundraisers in my pinned post for that reason. I haven't had time or energy to go through the asks I've received to verify, promote, and add them to that list in a while, and I feel bad about that! And it's weird to me that you think I'd avoid advocating for that after all the energy I've put into doing exactly not that.

And like, again, I feel bad that I haven't done more. Part of that is because my expectations for myself are too high, and I am a person who tends to feel guilty over stuff that I shouldn't feel guilty for. Part of that is because I really could be doing better. I just haven't figured out how to do that in a sustainable way yet; which also means getting over the guilt so I can redirect that energy into productivity.

I wanted to respond to this ask with the frustration and irritation I was feeling when I first read it. I'm choosing not to because, when I started drafting that response in my head, I realized that telling you off for guilt-tripping me in this hostile, unproductive way would be hypocritical.

Community connection is more important than ever right now. We need each other. We need patience, forgiveness, grace, and connection. We need to be vulnerable with one another, even and especially when it's hard. When it hurts.

I would have preferred you ask me why I didn't add a suggestion to donate to Palestinians in my response. Better yet, that you add it yourself! I would have been happy to reblog that addition, and receiving that as a reminder, or as building on what I said, would have felt encouraging. It would have made me feel more connected to you, more hopeful, and more excited to do this work. It would have made me excited to dig into my ask box and promote more Palestinian fundraisers, in solidarity with them as well as with you.

I understand why you didn't do that; it hurts right now. It's hard to make the choice to embody critical hope in the face of so much pain. I don't blame you for the guilt I feel, and I know I can't let that discourage me from doing work to help other people either.

I also know you're less likely to hear any of this than the uninvolved people who'll see it without feeling any defensiveness over this critique of your choices, and like, that's fine too. But I don't think I'm wasting my breath either way; I want to set an example in my community, promote connection, and promote the healing and growth that will allow us to do the hard work we need to do in the coming years. We're entering a fight, and we need to do it together, with grace for each other and the vulnerability that will allow us to connect and heal. We need to practice the future we're fighting for, and we have to start now.

[chronicallyuniconic]

TW: ableism, disability hate/discrimination

TLDR: the government proposed changes to benefit rules for disabled people in the aim of "getting them back to work" this has sowed so much hate that the 'people' are attacking the disabled as if we're lazy or scrounging the system, using their status as a taxpayer for reasoning.

-

-

this fucking government and the humans we're sharing society with...i swear to God, it has dragged out SO much hate in the past couple weeks regarding people with disabilities who are out of work, disabled people who receive benefits like universal credit, personal independence payment, carers allowance and motability cars, and so on

they are directly attacking disabled people as if we're choosing not to work. as if we're lazy. as if we just don't want to. as if we're turning down jobs instead of taking them, as if we're stealing from the government & taxpayers (people who have a job)

because of this, it's brought all kinds of disgusting out on my twitter page (if you go looking, I'd advise a TW for ableist & direct abusive comments). it's brought out direct hate, for stating that its nobody's business, that we deserve to live, that we should have the freedom to buy what we choose with what we do receive.

met with comments like "the taxpayer is paying for you to buy shit" "you must be obese on 40 fags a day with 2 kids" "can't stop buying takeaways" "you're just fucking lazy" "what an entitled person saying freedom to buy" "you should have the bare minimum" amongst other degrading comments. as well as these, were a majority of misinformed people, who don't have a clue how the benefits system works. it isn't easy.

if it was easy, and you supposedly receive "thousands a month," wouldn't everyone be doing it?? that response is usually met with "cos I'm not stealing from the state" "cos I'm not lazy" "cos I go to work" nah, they just know, it isn't easy, and they're not getting anywhere with it.

I dare any of those fuckers that think like this, to quit their jobs & sign up to the system. I fucking dare you. how quickly your life will fall apart. good luck if you're paying a mortgage. good luck in general.

I never thought I would end up relying on benefits. I never wanted to rely on the government. and I still don't. I hate having to ask for help. I don't know anyone that doesn't. the government know they can't just do nothing for disabled people, it's part of the social circle. disability has existed in humans for as long as humans have existed.

it's frustrating. they don't know. they don't want to know. they don't try to know. they don't try to understand. they don't care. they roll their eyes when they're told it could be them any day. and when it is, they'll realise the actual living hell it is, to having to rely on a system because.. YOU ARE UNABLE TO WORK. what is it about that phrase that evaporates over their heads.

I WAS a taxpayer. but even if I wasn't, do they think those born with permanent disabilities, which definitively leave them unable to do anything, are lazy, or "sponging" or "could just look for a job" do they blame having to pay for them too? cos they won't admit it. they can't admit their true hate, but I see it, feel it, hear it. they'd rather us dead let's be damn honest.

I have a masters degree. I was in education from aged 3 to aged 25. but since diagnosed later with permanent disability(it was always there), it means nothing, I know that, I don't need to be told by anyone else. and the jobs and experience I had, also means nothing. many dont get to have the things I had, and I'm grateful I got to, because I understand with my whole heart, how hard it is as a disabled person, to achieve anything.

they tell you "just get a job" like we haven't considered that. like we've not all tried to find the job, that is accessible, can support your needs, has the working hours you can cope with. jobs like this don't exist for the majority. one day I am fine, the next 7 days I might be incapacitated. I might only be okay between the hours of 3am to 6am one day, and 3pm to 4pm the next. employers especially, do not care for that. at all. they cannot cope with the fluctuations of a disabled person. we are all absolutely individual, even with the same diagnoses. employers are not set up, supported or provided with the education, to allow disabled people into their business.

"if you can write, text, tweet, upload on your phone, then you can do a job" I'd love to attach a picture of my positioning and setup but honestly I'm past giving evidence to these asshats. they forget about text to speech, my screen scrolls with my eyes, screen reads back to me, there's a bunch of adaptability and accessibility they don't care or even know about.

so..even if we do find that one in a billion job, we have to get there. I can't do anything without someone driving me. I'm physically not able. but they don't care about that either.

work from home, they say. i don't tolerate screens well, migraines have been a huge fluctuating problem because of epilepsy. I can't sit up for very long at all, i am 90% bed and housebound, only really leaving my home for appointments. i cannot process a big influx of information anymore, my brain is like swiss cheese, I cannot read or take in the things that are important, in order for me to carry out my job. I rely on another person for the majority of my day.

any job we would find, would never allow us to rise through the ranks, to improve our standing and footing on the ladder, to ever experience a payrise or be treated like your non disabled peers.

it doesn't matter to them either, that the impact of the job can and usually does, affect the person's disability negatively. when your life only involves your job, it's not your life, is it?

it doesn't matter to them that the impact of working can lead many people to become so bad they can't work anymore. (hello, waves, me!!)

they expect you'll just get over that permanent problem. or you will work through it in a couple days. they don't understand constant symptoms, debilitating symptoms, twenty four hours a day symptoms. symptoms that incapacitate you. but they expect you to work through it anyway.

that's not how it works.

I was told "take up a hobby and get paid for it" why?? are you? are building lego and selling it? are you gaming on your computer and selling that? why should I use my fun time, my hobby, as an income. of which, the income would be so minimal, it would never cover rent, it would unlikely buy any food shopping at all, because ...it's a hobby. it's not my job. why would I sacrifice my hobbies, when you don't have to? my hobby, is also not my worth.

who's setting up the website and shop for my hobby? who's managing the orders? who's posting them? I made one hobby last week so have been unable to make 3 more hobbies, who's managing for that??

I hate this government for every hateful, spiteful, cold, calloused, manipulative, condescending, degrading, inhumane comment.

it's not even anger, it's like a complete state of fed up mixed with disappointment, lack of community on the issue, sadness of people's reactions, to disabled people.

I'd love for them to look my mother in law with stage 4 cancer, in the eyes and tell her to just get a job, after 38yrs of employment.

absolute cretins. the worst of humanity.

sorry it's so long, I am just 😪🥱😮‍💨😮‍💨

[beaniebeensbaby201]

can I get a jay kelso x fem reader? Where leia comes back for the summer, but jay and reader is in a secret relationship and everyone basically celebrates that leia is back, then reader gets drunk and starts to act wayy too flirty with jay, like calling him hot, sitting in his lap, and playing with his hair then she tries to kiss him in front of them all. he blames it on her being drunk and reader ends up talking abt things they do in secret which gives away that they’re together.

Srry If that’s confusing, but u can decide how everyone reacts (especially leia)

Yessss this is interesting, dw boo it's not confusing

Formans basement Jun 5th 1995

Everyone was having fun, with the return of their dear friend Leia Forman.

I had about five beers so far as I was beginning to feel tipsy. I was leaning on Jay as I was giggling. My fingers were in his hair as he tried to pull me off him.

I frowned as I grabbed onto his toned arms. I look over and see Leia staring at us and I could see his brows furrow in annoyance.

Jay pushes me away from him as I followed him to the couch. He sat at the end, as I plopped myself close to him. My butt was seated on the leg of the couch with my legs over his lap. My hands continued to play with his hair as my boobs were basically in his face.

I leaned down, trying to kiss Jay, but he pushed my face the other way. I bit my lip as I was hurt. But I knew he didn't want anyone to know we're together, but he never asked me how I felt.

I saw the look of jealousy on Leia, which caused me to smirk. I knew he didn't show much affection because Leia was in the picture again. This was the perfect timing for me to be my petty self and show them that Jay Kelso was taken.

"You look really hot tonight." I kiss his hair as I twist my finger in his hair.

Jay didn't respond, giving me the cold shoulder.

"Are you two dating?" Grace was the first to speak.

"Yes." "No." We say at the same time.

Jay slaps my leg, while he gives me a warning look.

"Jay Kelso and I have been together the whole summer. He's just too embarrassed to admit that. Why do you think I'd always have hickeys every time we hang out? Or why our lips would be swollen all the time? We'd have sex almost every day. But Jay Kelso is embarrassed to see me in the public eye." Jay looked over to Leia who had tears in her eyes.

A look of disbelief was shown on everyone face, especially Ozzy.

"You two are together?" You could hear the hurt in Leia's voice as it cracked.

"No, She's lying. I'd never date a Hyde." He sneered.

I gasped, and my heart was in my throat as I tried to regain my posture.

I quickly got off of Jay and running out of the basement.

Was I really that bad? I mean, am I that embarrassing to be with someone?

I was seated on the car that was in the driveway. I had my face buried in my knees as I wrapped my arms tighter around me.

"Go away." I heard Jay sigh.

I felt the car move slightly I knew it was Jay as I scooted farther up the hood almost leaning against the window.

"I'm sorry. I just. I don't know why I acted that way." I huffed in response.

"Am I that embarrassing to be with? Is it because my father is Steve Hyde? A dead beat?" I sniffled.

"No, God no!" He crawled up to me, placing my head on his broad chest.

I sobbed again, burying my face deeper. I slapped his chest weakly a few times.

"Then why can't you admit that you love me! You only do it behind closed doors, yet you can't say around our friends!" I growled growing even more frustrated with the young Kelso.

Jay grabbed my hand, yanking me with him to the basement. My heart was in my throat. It felt like I was going to barf. My head was spinning, and my hands felt clammy as I knew where he was taking us.

I gulped as Jay slammed the door opened.

"Y/N Hyde and I are together. I'm sorry, Leia, I love her. I didn't want to hurt you, and you and y/n are great friends. And I didn't want you to feel like I was hiding you. I love you, Y/N Hyde." The gang cheered, as Leia was silent.

"So, Jay, how did you get a girl like my best friend?'" She teased, a smirk plastered on her lips.

I smiled, tilting my head back and wrapping my arms around her.

A/N: I'm sorry I hadn't been very active lately. I am currently writing a book, and I want to try to attempt to finish it soon. I want to be an author so hopefully this book will help me win my future 😂😂

[stellacadente]

so like having memory issues sucks sooo bad

i lost 2 umbrellas in like. 2 or 3 weeks maybe a month (you guessed it i can't really remember. passage of time is so hard) bc it rains, i use this neat little umbrella.... put it down at the bus stop just for a second so i can get something from my backpack and completely forget i ever had it and hop on the bus without my neat little umbrella! fuck! my mum bought me this one (i didn't lose the previous one tbf.. it broke)! so then a couple of weeks later, still without an umbrella bc yeah, i keep forgetting to buy a new one, i have to be out all day, and it's raining hard and will all day, so my mum offers to give me her umbrella. she doesn't really need to walk or anything today anyway. i'll give it back later. yeah right. except i enter the place where i have to take my driving license quiz, i put down my umbrella, right there at the entrance, and when i walk out later it's not raining and i have completely forgotten i ever had an umbrella with me. my mum's umbrella. which i leave there. bye bye to another umbrella. i tell my mum a few hours after i realize... i was scared she'd get mad. she gets mad. how can you forget this stuff all the time. just think about these things a little more. just pay more attention. ah. right. as if that's easy. i tell her! it's not easy! i feel awful about this, i feel awful every time! i'm frustrated. i want her to understand i don't do this bc i don't care about my or other people's things or don't pay attention to them. i tell her look, every time i get to work i go upstairs to refill my water bottle. then i get coffee and/or chat with coworkers. i put my water bottle down, i need my hands to get coffee. and every time. every. time. i go downstairs and realize i left my water upstairs. i curse myself, i groan, i tell myself come one nico, you must remember later/tomorrow. i almost never do. my mum sighs and laughs awkwardly. yeah, mum, i know, i'm not even 30 and my memory's already fucked. i must have some problem, i say. it's only half a joke. i know i do. she half-jokes too, oh that's for sure, haha. i just don't know which one the many problems i do in fact have are to blame for this. is it the abuse and trauma? the bpd that was the result of it? the many meds i've taken for the bpd and all the rest? the times i've abused those meds? all of those, something else? i don't know. i just know it's hard to feel like everything, from memories to objects to knowledge, is a second away from being lost to me. always. few things feel like they last. and as a person who's obsessed with forever, as a person who loves to learn and know and watch and read and listen, as a person who cares even too deeply sometimes... i feel like i lost myself every day. if myself even exists. what am i when i don't remember most of my life? when i've forgotten almost everything about people who mean the world to me, bc they've been gone for so long? i forget birthdays, i forget ages, i forget umbrellas, i forget unloading the washing machine, i forget i already told you this, i forget smiles, i forget movies, i forget things i studied, i forget i had to call, i forget i needed to add something to the guidebook, i forget if i already took my med or not, i forget my favorite concert, i forget my favorite book, i forget. i forget again.

yesterday i went on a rant on the discord server i'm in with my friends, even if i knew it wasn't likely anyone would see it, bc the server's not very active now and that channel especially, no one looks at it. but i was so so scared i'd forget what happened the other day and even worse would start doubting whether it all happened for real or i made up half of it to make up for voids in my memory. that happens often with stuff like that. the therapist i had my first appointment with was very weird about me being trans and i kept thinking about it and feeling bad and the more i think something over, something i'm upset about, the more i get scared that i'm not recalling things right. so i had to write it all down somewhere other people could, even just potentially, see, and i could look back on. i mean yeah, i also did need to talk about it, so it would've been nice if someone read and replied too, but it's okay, i just at least needed to put it down in words as soon as possible.

i guess i'm just scared it'll get worse and worse the more i age and it's already pretty bad now and yeah

[ambiguousintentions]

4.9.2024 Reflection

Damn. It's been more than a year since I left education and half a year since I ditched my last set of friends (had to; they hurt me bad, and their texts were beginning to trigger anxiety attacks).

Sober for about 3 weeks now for an electrician apprenticeship I applied for. Couldn't do corporate- fuckers wanted to only give me a $1.50/hr raise after I reworked their entire operations system and developed SOPs for them. Making silly YouTube videos in the meanwhile, which is honestly so fun. If only it could be more lucrative though- then I'd truly be living.

Ever since I ditched my friends, I just keep trying to reflect on all the ways I'm shitty. Am I just too sensitive? Was I actually not a good friend? Was I not educated enough? Was I too offensive? Too snobbish? Not proactive enough? What could I have done to make them care about me more?

All of those are probably true to some degree, but it's hard to tell what degree. It's easy to feel like everything's your fault. My fault for getting too upset too easily, for not letting social issues go, for not knowing when to just chill. To be honest, I've kind of stopped trying to make friends. I just feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. Why bother when I know that I'm just 4th choice? I know you're barely enjoying this conversation; I'll release you from it. Sorry.

But today one of my students found the Gen Alpha rant video I made about 3-4 months ago, where I detailed about problems I saw in the education system. When I left education, I left my last high school once fall semester was over; admin had about a month to find a replacement for me, which I thought was reasonable enough time. The student who commented on my video yelled at me for leaving them and asked why I couldn't just suck it up, because they had an apathetic sub for the rest of the year. They said that I shouldn't blame my colleagues (cause I blamed them for playing movies all the time and literally letting the kids literally re-enact squid games instead of actually learning and doing work, which lead to a lot of shitty attitudes and behavior (and of course there were other criticisms but they agreed with those)) since they were probably experiencing the same stress I was experiencing. But they also said that my class was the only class they felt like they learned from.

I feel like crying. I feel strangely validated. Thanks; I didn't know you were actually learning from my class. I'm so happy to hear you learned. You're right though- I am weak. Sorry. I don't know how to fix that. I'm working on it, but I don't know how to do that faster. I don't know what I could possibly do now to fix my mistake of leaving. Am I your deadbeat dad???

I do that often I think. Sometimes people want to get to know me, but I've already decided we've got nothing in common. I don't want to bore them, and I wouldn't want them to bore me. So I give up before I give it an honest effort.

But it just has me thinking... how many times has this probably happened? I leave because I'm failing when in reality I'm not??? I leave because I feel myself getting increasingly bitter and frustrated and know that if I stay in that same place for too long, I'm going to blow up and do or say something I'll regret. It's just... it takes me so long to reflect on things. To figure out how I feel. I mean, fuck, I'm finally at a place where I feel like I COULD potentially have a conversation with one of my old friends without having an anxiety attack, but it's been 6 fucking months.

I feel like a mess. I've been repeatedly transforming myself for the last decade. I looked back on my posts from years ago, and I can't help but feel like I still harbor the same underlying issues. I feel like the wisdom I've gained over the years has helped me control the damage a bit better yet at the same time the collective damage is breaking me. I wonder when I'll be done transforming and finally settle into the form I've made for myself.

And yet. At the same time... when I look back at those posts... and see how upset I was ten years ago- similar to how upset I was in the past year-

I can't help but laugh and smile at the journey I've been on. Such a winding and long journey only to end up in the same psychological spot but in a different physical setting. Did I truly go anywhere? Is the whole point to do another cycle just so you can laugh all over again about the convoluted way you took just to arrive back in your haunted home of a body?

[septembersghost]

Sorry to send this random message, but since you like both elvis and taylor I was curious for your opinion. I've seen people comparing would've could've should've to elvis and priscilla's relationship and that they can't wait for videos set to that when the priscilla movies comes out... saying elvis is like the subject of that song stuns me and breaks my heart, but what do you think?

don't be sorry honey! <3 it's such a complex topic and is often misjudged/weaponized with the worst intent, which tends to be unfair to both of them.

prefacing this with priscilla herself saying, “It’s hurtful, for a man who has given so much, to have others pick him apart. I’ll die defending him and his legacy. Because he deserves it.”

also going to refer to this ask from a few months ago.

okay, to be more blunt than i typically am, their relationship overall should not have happened, for a lot of reasons and both their sakes, but i don't like saying that because it erases the love they shared, cilla's agency, lisa marie's existence (and her children's), and the entirety of the life they shared, and i don't think that's right to do. should elvis have turned her down gently and guided her away when they first met? probably! should her parents have put their foot down and told her absolutely not, in no uncertain terms, were they sending her to memphis, and insisted she move on and continue her normal life? yes. she was an emotional young woman who was head over heels in love with one of the biggest stars in the world, and who can blame her, but she would've gotten over it. but that's not what happened. so we have to contend with what did.

elvis was a complicated, sometimes mercurial, often wonderful, man. he had come through extraordinary and extreme events literally from birth, and certainly in the rise of his star, experienced a certain degree of...i don't want to use this phrase, but arrested development?...because of his unusual circumstances. (no judgment on that, i have talked many times about being frozen at 19 because of what's happened in my life, i really empathize with why certain things were difficult and disorienting for him in my own tiny way, just like i, as someone chronically ill, hold empathy for his health too). he was dealing with what i'd categorize not only as profound grief and loneliness following his mother's death, but also compounded trauma for a number of reasons.

i think about the quote from his costar in follow that dream, anne helm, saying he was still such an innocent, "He was surrounded by a lot of people that took advantage of his generosity. It was a more innocent time. I mean, Elvis was -- how old was he? 24, 25? [Actually, Elvis was 26 when the film was shot in the summer of 1961.] He was a baby, and I was, too. We were very young. As much as Elvis was a celebrity, he was a big kid, he was a lot of fun." he had an inherent earnestness and compassion that was guileless.

one of his contradictions here is that, with priscilla, he also had a paternalistic quality where he was looking after her and doing what he thought was best for her. the people who try to frame this as predatory claim he was abusing her, even though that is not how priscilla characterizes it. he had this need to nurture and be nurtured, and he tried to look after her, but he was far from perfect in doing so since his lifestyle wasn't conducive to some of what she needed. that said, he set definitive boundaries with her for a reason. had he been preying on her maliciously, the end goal would've always been exploiting her in some way (namely for sex), but we know he decidedly didn't do that, that in fact she was very frustrated with him because he refused to sleep with her for multiple reasons, and wouldn't until they were married. by which point she was very much a consenting adult.

guiding her look the way he did i don't think he meant to be controlling or harmful, his approach wasn't inherently abusive, it came from genuine care. everyone knew he was pushing it, but they were in love and sometimes no amount of arguing will defy that. he had conflicted feelings about marriage, but i think he really did desire that security of family and love and home, even though he struggled with the commitment of that, and he also never felt wholly seen, safe, or secure in any of his romantic relationships. (this wasn't unique to priscilla, it's a recurring theme). and tbh a lot of that was also likely rooted in trauma, because that has effects on a person.

it's also relevant to note that it was an entirely different time. outrage on the internet prefers to ignore this, but it's vital for context. it may not excuse their initial connection, but by the time she went to memphis, and certainly by the time they got married, their romance and marriage wouldn't have been that unusual. the age gap discourse has gotten REALLY BAD and utterly flattened in a way that ignores all nuance and all particulars of the human beings involved. it doesn't always equate to abuse. it's unkind at the least and dehumanizing at the most to categorize every dynamic that way, and when priscilla herself refutes it and has never called herself a victim, i am not going to categorize him that way. relationships are vast and unique and imperfect, and sometimes people just fall in love! it's not intended for mass consumption or approval by total strangers, especially decades later.

priscilla herself discusses her girlhood and her growth into womanhood, and how much a part of it he was, how he was often many different roles to her. she mentions her naivete, her feelings of unsophistication, and how she grew into herself.

they both grew and changed. and some of that led them in distinctly different directions. she also mentions how they shared a connection and warmth, that in many ways they found more kindnesses and understanding for one another after they divorced. she, and we, will never know how their dynamic might have continued because his death closed that door forever, but she has grieved and loved him. she's not perfect either, and certainly i don't agree with everything she's done, but i cannot abide vilifying elvis and victimizing priscilla when that wasn't their story. they both deserve better and more understanding than that.

how dare people decide for her that she was deceived or that her girlhood was stolen? how dare people disregard her own words and experience and the love she has for him in such a puerile and vicious way?

taylor's story is HER STORY. she didn't intend for it to be applied to others without their consent, or copy/pasted over other dynamics. what she experienced with john was wholly different. he did take advantage of her in a calculated sense. he did use her youthful worship of him and how enamored she was to manipulate her, and then turned it against her. it wasn't a loving dynamic between them at all - she was in love and he got an ego boost and thought he could also make a conquest. it damaged some of her sense of herself, her approach to sex, love, and relationships, and permanently impacted her in some ways - even if she's healed, she shared that the scars still exist and haunt her. it's nowhere near the same tone that priscilla (nor any woman) uses about elvis. i think it's awfully presumptuous and cruel to decide to boil them down to 30 second fan edits using an extremely raw and personal song written generations later about an entirely different experience.

it's...gross and exploitative, not supportive or sympathetic to cilla. the agenda of it to cut down elvis is transparent. lisa would hate it. i really, really disagree with it and it's just a way to outrage bait. and it breaks my heart too. i know it's going to happen, i'm sure those little tiktoks will be prevalent, but i will not be giving them any credence or attention. i respect them both too much for that, and understand their mistakes and imperfections, and tbh cherish him more as a human, a sensitive and generous soul, and an artist than anyone can ever understand when they try to tear him down.

[spideyladman]

Hii, I'm doing a research project abt tumblr and I wanted to ask around what tumblr users think are positive (& negative) aspects of this hellsite. Like what do you think of the community, why do you think people keep using it, why is it different from other socials, etc.

I'd love to hear different opinions about this :)

Oh cool!! I always wanted to tell my opinion about this hellsite lol

Well, first we start with the Positives and then the Negatives on how the hellsite functions, then my opinion about the community and why I think they might be using this hellsite, and then how is it different from other socials!! If I missed some things then I am sorry ^^"

POSITIVES

It has a Staff that can interact with people and even a Secret Staff blog!

Most people are nice and are actually chill, unlike other socials *cough* Twitter *cough* *cough*

Even if it seems hard to try and work around this hellsite, it's kind of like AO3 (only more colourful lol) so no worries about trying to work around it, you'll get your head wrapped around it soon!!

Polls. Just. Just polls in general.

There's a trending page where you can possibly find a new media to look into!! If you don't like it, it's okay, you can just move on.

There is something in Settings where you can block tags and it's honestly amazing and I am thankful for them putting that.

NEGATIVES

In a lot of users' cases, they get shadowbanned for no reason. Which means if you activated notifications to them posting prior before that, you can't anymore. Plus you can't search stuff on their blog because they are shadowbanned for some reason, and they also delete the chat button on their blog. Also if you get notifications but when you click on it and see nothing, that is quite surely a shadowbanned blog. Which means if you have a mutual who has been shadowbanned and they try to reblog something from you or tag you in a post, you legit can't see it >:[

This hellsite is broken most of the time from what I hear, and I honestly can't blame them, I too have experienced a part of it: there was a time where I was trying to reblog something from my IPad and the post button was at the bottom of the post. If I switched my IPad off, when I switched it back on I legit couldn't see the bottom of the post and I tried and I tried, but I couldn't scroll to the very bottom of the post, which made me feel really frustrated. I'm honestly happy i got the app on my new phone (which I am currently using to write this post). Idk if it happens to other Tumblr users but I'm putting this here just in case.

It's more of a user problem then a hellsite problem but users don't put triggers in their posts even if their life depended on it. It really sucks because it can ruin a person's day completely.

There's a tag limit (30) and it sucks tbh xd

Some users harrass a lot of people and I think Staff don't bat an eye on that issue sometimes.

Bots. Just. Just bots everywhere.

COMMUNITY AND MY OPINION

This community can bring both joy and anger on this site, just like in any other website, though I wish that sometimes they didn't make something really infuriating start trending *cough* Taylor Swift *cough* Helluva Boss *cough* *cough*

Despite all of that, I can see that there is care and love for other types of content and they can help people cope with problems they might have at home, which is why I think is why they keep using this site, because they now have mutuals (online friends) and it's honestly sweet seeing how people can vibe about a piece of media together :"]

WHY IS THIS SOCIAL MEDIA SO DIFFERENT?

I believe it's because it helps people get into a zone of comfortness. While yes we joke about there being Twitter refugees and we must kick 'em out, sometimes I believe that the community doesn't remember how they got here. This hellsite is a place where people can get out their excitement over a piece of media without people judging them (though sometimes it is much to people's dismay *cough* Serial Killers *cough* *cough*).

I personally think of myself as an Instagram refugee. Even if I haven't used any kind of social media apart from YouTube after getting rid of my Instagram account and before getting my second Tumblr account, I believe so because, Instagram made me feel pressured on posting because what if people unfollow me for not posting enough content? Do they hate me or something? What would they think if I like Steven Universe? What would they think if I don't post enough? ...What then?

When I actually put my entire body inside of hellsite water I started feeling more comfortable and I realised that compared to other websites, even with this hellsite, even with its ups and downs, I call this hellsite my true home. I can scream, I can shout, I can feel like my true self, and that's what really matters :"3

-

I hope you like my response!! ^^

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

69 for everyone. its okay if it takes one million years

i mentioned this on disc, but while i usually answer these ooc, this is gonna be some ic stuff because i love silly goofin. no raisa here because when it comes down to it she is effectively their temporary medic and she knows she cannot judge these people, except for elegy being very nice and lel being a little bit of a dick. also if my players want major npcs. send yr own ask and i'll do it.

eirlys -

sicarii: a good friend. it's nice to have someone who understands me as well as he does around... i worry for him, but i know he worries for me too, so all's fair.

sunder: it is probably understandable why i was wary of them at first, but they're too wonderful to be frightened of. having kitty around is good for my nerves, i think. and their conviction and curiosity reminds me of better times.

nara: she's the captain! i think she is very sweet and i am glad she has a family that is supportive of her. she is also terribly brave, which i both admire and worry about.

aandine: i think he has a lot of wisdom, but he is so quiet. his comfort with death is jarring, but admirable. i wish he was a bit less grouchy, but i'm in no position to complain.

nobody -

tobu: the kindest young man. we all understand that he is to be protected. the ways my mother has hurt him infuriate me, and that recovering my name led to his exile too is something i regret more than anything. also he is rhubarb's favorite, and my favorite too.

haru: he is a well-intentioned boy, but he does not seem to be aware of his immaturity. we could be more honest with him, but he could be more accepting of us as well. i am worried that he will he unreasonable about his brother. and also his art is nice.

anton: i worry for what will happen once we kill his mother--she seems the type to tie her reborn to herself. i can't blame him for his mother, nor can i blame him for being too naïve to realize her cruelties. he is so young--i wonder how he first died? i also wonder about how his gears function, because it seems far beyond the abilities of an elemental without additional arcane training.

deliverance: i am a little bit upset that she is leaving us, because she promised we would be friends. but, zag and silas are still my friends (i think), so maybe we can be friends from far away. she is so pretty and powerful, and i wish i was more like her, but we are too different for that to be possible, i think. i'll miss having someone else who understands the workings of magic!

zag: i need to talk with him, but i worry that invading his dreams will seem too similar to our mutual acquaintance. he is large and strong and i think we are friends. if nothing else, we are bound by the monstrousness that lives in our skulls. i wish he were with us now; i miss his aura.

silas: i understand why she left, but i still think it's strange that someone as interesting and important as her is willing to be a background player to someone else. if she ever returns, i think we will have good conversations and better ways to calm ourselves. i'd like to study with someone again.

ibis: we are the same, in a way. it is less lonely to become if you do it with someone else. i think they are so powerful, and they are kind to me. i understand them, i think. their feelings for yaros frustrate me, because they can cloud their reason. they are more than they allow themselves to be, even now, and i want them to realize that potential. i think that they are very.

des -

fish: i love them. i need to find them. i would marry them again in a heartbeat.

priscilla: her wealth, however much she tries to be the ally of the working class, is frustrating. but she means well, and i'm sure she's helped a lot of people. her family seems... complicated.

la noyee: i don't miss him.

aggie: sweet, but she's kinda condescending. i don't think she sees me as an adult. cool magic, though?

titfortat: i think my dad is trying to consume them? which isn't great. i need to protect them from that, even if it's kinda terrifying.

keeper -

morgan: i want to know her better! she is so interesting but so withholding. i understand if she has issues with herself, but that doesn't mean i have issues with her. she seems so powerful, and the bees sing for the thought of her.

shepherd: he is so nice and i am so worried for him so often!!! he was such a great houseguest too. i feel bad for hurting him with my magic. the bees love him for his carrion.

metonymy: makes me a little bit uncomfortable, but i guess they're just a very attentive person. i'm not sure why they've latched onto me over shep and morgue, but i suppose it's kind of flattering?

aelwyd -

aria: i'll bring her back if she lets me. hot. suspicious, but we have similar interests, and who am i to judge?

blank: deserves better. i will protect them and help them avenge thenselves. i'm glad they trust me. i hope i can maintain that, for once.

chini: can't be trusted. kind of an asshole even before the whole dedicated to bela thing.

ira: she and i get along well. her magic is fascinating and her situation is familiar to me, in a certain way. i know she'll see sense.

kairii: adorable, but unwise. reminds me of mae in ways i can't figure out. i hope she realizes that she's doomed if she doesn't act soon.

stras: self-obsessed asshole who considers himself more enlightened than the rest of us. which he is not. takes himself too seriously, on top of all that.

stray -

clem: i hope she can find comfort in the world soon!!! i am so upset about how the church treated her and i am glad i can help her.

emile: so nice and so strong! they seem very mature and smart too. i wish she let herself have more fun, and i want to know more about her. i wonder why she left her old work but regardless i love that she has big claws sometimes.

posy: she's like me! obviously we aren't from the same place but she's really cool and beautiful and good at magic. i look up to her, but i hope that she's okay with that because i wouldn't want to intrude or anything.

ragamuffin: i wish i could feel feelings as grandly as he does! she and splat always make me smile with their performances. his clown outfits are so delicate and pretty, too.... i like the way she carries herself a lot.

xochi: i worry about him in fights a lot. he's powerful with magic but his body is not ready for the world! or at least the cold. if he has to look at the stars, i hope he likes them. he is very sweet and his jokes make me laugh.

solace: i owe her so much! i think her old god hurt her in ways that gods should never hurt, and i think that her hurt loves to eat her alive. i don't know if she understands how much i value her but i think she is so amazing and her wizardly spells are really incredible. i hope she stops hurting. i hope i never make her hurt again.

[fallingintogracee]

he was my best friend and that was the worst part

taylor needs to release the voice memo of the black dog on spotify

i'm reading a post that i wrote literally two years ago - the innocence and childlikeness of young love that makes me glad that i got to experience it. with the most unexpected man, in the most unexpected way. oh goodness i have so many big emotions, thoughts and feelings. of course there's so much to grieve. he meant everything to me. he opened my eyes to what love could mean, what the depth of friendship could mean and allowed me to understand what it meant to love purely. i got the experience to relish in the joy of friendship, to just be myself. our laughter still rings in my head occasionally. it's a sound i cannot shake because it's a figment of our happier past. we went through a multitude of trials, and i wish you knew how sorry i am for the way that i could not endure them. my inability to handle my thought life seeped into our friendship in many ways that ultimately, like a seed, grew into something bigger that suffocated the life out of us. and i wish and wish in some hopeful despair that one day i could reverse time and we would go back to the happier us. but i know it doesn't work that way. things had to happen to unravel the reality of who we were and whether we could stand the test of time. the test of pure love is against the most difficult of situations, unchanging in time and space. but we failed. miserably.

i'm sorry to myself, for wilting something beautiful. i don't blame myself entirely and will continue giving myself the grace i need. if it wasn't him, it'll be some other guy. it's okay, it wasn't my fault that it crashed and burned. i'm angry at myself, every beautiful thing in my garden wilts like my hands are made of destruction. but every beautiful thing will wilt because i am human. and every beautiful thing is not submitted to Jesus, my garden would burn. i've learned it the hard way.

it's difficult too because he was my best friend. my confidante, the one i'd share stupid but deep things with, whom i could loosely and freely be myself with. loosing the idea of a romantic possibility hurts, but loosing the friendship is probably what causes the most grief. i grieve us. because the him i know now, is not the him i'm able to trust my heart with. he's cold, indifferent, uncaring and it truly seems like this meant nothing to him. now, he makes me feel like i have to be something, do something to meet his expectation of me. if not, he'll just be frustrated and disappointed all over again. and i feel like he just looks at me with eyes of disappointment, like he's searching for something that can't be found and the make up of who i am is not enough for us to survive.

if you ask me, i don't know how to go forward. everything feels like a blur - how is it even possible for life to be breathed into what seems so desolate? how can i work through this with all my hurts, disappointments and offence and still show up and be present? how, when the one conversation we were meant to have was supposed to be what healed the friendship but it did the opposite? i know i was told that it's light and simple, that the friendship of our future is bright, of which i agree. but perhaps i first need to lay down of any expectations of where this would go, not even romantically, but perhaps my idea of friendship would look completely different than what i've always envisioned.

i don't know, i really don't. i don't even have one step for myself to take in this current juncture. my heart is too bruised from the trauma of the toxic few months we went through and bruised from our conversation. my heart is still grieving all that it was and not just that, but all that he is. i don't know this man that i was writing about 2 years ago.

i don't have my one step Lord. for once, i don't know what the right step is to take but to sit here and tell You that i can't move in any direction because it's paralysing. i say that i can't endure, i say that i can't be patient and kind but grief is love with nowhere to go.

and what is grief, but not love persevering?

#writingthis3hoursbeforemyexamsagain

[twinsloveco]

I hear him play this gentle welcoming song that vibes love and kindness patience forgiveness warmth etc like ...

Come here and forgive me ill let you talk about all your big feelings and be good and faithful this time I promise I am so sorry..

But idk if its true if I'm crazy Adam gaslighted me so God damn much....

But you didn't lie when you told me what u and Adam did... he told me you were a lier...

So I yelled lier and pushed u away ...

You weren't mean this time you just softly said you will keep trying to find a way for me... you were gentle you held me.. we fucked.. I felt delusional and crazy

I asked Adam if I was.. I said am I being played rn? Am I just making shit up cuz that's what I wanna hear or happen or believe is that they care? ..he agreed it was probably that and the witch trying to tear me and him apart and spread seeds of lies and doubt

He only admitted later cuz I was going through his phone of Adam x lucifer pictures he was showing me and I seen something and I knew instantly and made him tell me and he said oh I was gonna yeah ONLY AFT4R YIU SAY THEY THREAT3NED YOU

Mfer smirking and being shitty to me as I purely tried to give him everything and love him thinking hopeful shitboncr again just to find dark shit now I want fucking no one yeah i said right? Oh nope here comes gabriel to fuck with my heart strings in Astral and give me the best time ever wtf man 😭

We both knew he'd you .. get in Adam to reach me..

That's the only time I didn't feel disgusted and sick asf like I can't even kiss the fucker I never could ..he's gross to me and he's fat yeah but that doesnt make him ugly and I know I'm attached cuz of everything but I know I don't want him he MAKES delta kid seraph confused needy want andnused our energies to lure me and weaken me.. ughhh

Now that i know it's yours I'd want out of him and would get so frustrated cus I wasn't getting it.. he's going crazy word salad mad.

Adam showed me a hurtful ss of What you said that set me off that final days ...

He told me not to tell u plz. So I didnt....

[How could I talk about it without outing him? Why tf protect that asshole ? I didn't wanna think of the pain of hurtful things behind my back ... it was too damn much]

And I still don't want to. I don't wanna see it

Maybe one day when I'm fucking okay...

Well guess what? He promised me he would let me gather myself so I could talk to you about shit FIRST in the best loving calm way possible ...and the fucker lied and went and did it while I was fucking asleep sick tired from the long drive and the pain of being torn once again from my person....

He was saying all this shit riling me up getting me freaked out and confused and feeling unsafe don't know who to trust

I see now that's what narcs do to control and distract you so u can't see wtf is going on.

It also keeps you in a dysfunctional state so you need them.. he made me sicker than I was and made me need him and then got mad at me for needing him and blew it out of reality acting like he's being slave driven when all we wanted was him to fucking respect my dad's wishes and clean up after himself ..we'd let shit go for WEEKS trying to be nice and he'd be a dick cold run over us etc dad told him not to lay his clothes ev3rywhere it's not that God damn hard and he continued and continued not giving a fuck cuz he knew we wouldn't kick him out...

He was like that before me and lied and blamed it all on Donald... others are sick of his bs too .. if u can walk out past your clothes and to the bedroom which u must past the washroom first you can grab ur sweaty pants and throw them in the wash wtf and he always word salad ran ignored went weird etc if you tried to ask him why and even try to find a root ground stand so we can help him help himself and us .. for him too. He wouldn't even do that. He said make a plan with me plan it so we did and he still wouldn't we had every damn right to be mad. I shouldn't have to hand hold a grown man and repeat myself a thousand times this is narc abuse and my friends have been helping me learn all their games and now he's throwing choas again because I'm onto him and he's losing control and hopefully you're seeing it too now ..cuz he said he showed it.

[two-sides-halved]

Gem Steven raked his fingers through his hair. It was so difficult building up this damn to keep in his emotions and letting it all flood out was scaring her even more, but the dam was open and the emotions weren't gonna go anywhere but out. "Of course, it's an awful thing to lose the people you care about, I'm the fucking poster child for losing people you care about and being powerless to stop it..." He replied recalling the day he woke up and she was just gone.

"That's the problem with powers being tied to your emotions... when you feel shitty about yourself, they don't work on you." He held himself. "I know when you were younger I kept my emotions to myself, and I did everything in my power to keep myself from pouring all of this negative shit out in front of you, but I just can't keep it in any longer." Gem Steven huffed.

"Eris, you weren't intruding on my life... Sure, our first meeting was you just showing up one day and making me question my very existence but honestly, for me, that's an average Tuesday... and that day, you... you just disappeared. I didn't think of you as this Homeworld Princess, I thought of you as a 14 year old child who ran away... I got worried for your safety and I got scared that I was the one to drive you away with how cold I was during the beginning of your 14th birthday... I thought I'd never see you again... and when I finally did, I was just overwhelmed by emotions... Like I was happy to see you were home safe, and pissed off that someone had the nerve to hurt you, and pissed off with myself for not searching for you hard enough before anything bad would have happened... I tried my best to just let it out slowly, so I didn't wanna scare you away... but then it just came out as passive aggressive like I was judging you for your actions... which don't get me wrong, I am pretty upset about those too, but I can't blame you either... hell, I think about running away and starting over all the time... But I don't because I have my family and they need me... and I understand if you wanted to make a new start for yourself too... as a Princess you're always just handed things and you never have to work for them... and you worked hard for the life you had... and then ... it all went to shit and I'm sorry that it happened that way, Sweet Pea." He replied. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when it happened... I'm sure things would have gone down a lot differently if I was."

Gem Steven summoned a pink faceted shield in front of the door as he had sensed her feelings of running away but also another more sinister sensation as if he could feel the incoming shit storm. "Eris, I know you wanna leave but I'm gonna have to just keep you hear just long enough to talk this set of actions out right now... Because right now I'm seeing history repeat itself..." He replied.

"You ran away from a family... you make a new place for yourself in an unfamiliar territory... it's exciting, its liberating up until there's a war, and the people you care about are hurt and you feel powerless as a result of all the loss... so you fake your death and try to pick up the pieces of what's left and fix it so everything's good again... but there's nothing fine about this... Mom started a war, Mom faked her death, sure you might not have had a kid, but that doesn't mean that the shit storm of your actions aren't going to find you and bite you in the ass... you 'borrowed' a car... most people would consider that stolen... which is a crime, which means people would be looking for those bouncy pink curls and if your mug was caught on film, that means that those people will know that you faked your death and they will track you down and settle the score... and I don't want you getting hurt again... I know I was frustrated enough to melt a spoon earlier, but that frustration was more with me than it was with you..."

"I want you to know that you're always welcome here, no matter what you've done, no matter what trouble you bring home... and you'll always have a home with me, no matter where I am... I don't want you to leave again, and but I won't stop you if you want to leave again... but if those people ever try to hurt you again... please let me handle them." He replied lowering his pink faceted shield to show her that she as free to leave and she wasn't going to hold her back even if he wanted her to stay by his side.

Welcome Home | @erisdiamas

Gem Steven nodded, turning away slowly as he had to mentally rip his eyes away from the bruises that just screamed out how much of a failure he was. He gathered ingredients from the fridge for something that screamed comfort food, tomato soup and grilled cheese. He made note of how she had stolen a car and hoped that if any law officials came that it could easily smooth over and they wouldn't have to go to court about it. He knew that Eris was young and didn't understand how the world worked, but god damn it did this whole thing just reminded him of their mother. Her 'act first, reflect later' mentality permeated the both of their very beings.

Gem Steven let out a sigh, one part of him wanted to lecture her about how stealing was wrong, but in this circumstance it was a moot point. She was in a situation where she needed to get around and cars are just the convenient solution. He chuckled a bit about how she mentioned that Homeworld was easier to navigate than the open roads, and he could agree with that after all he doesn't know how to drive even know.

His grip around the spoon that was spreading the mayonnaise against the bread, tightened from his building negative feelings and as the heat from his hand and his diamond strength caused him to melt the metal in hand. He quietly disposed of the deformed spoon and slapped the solidified metal drippings that were on his hand into the garbage as his unseen face staring toward the trash can was giving a look that was unmistakably screaming, "of course, you'd think that, you're a child who doesn't know the first thing about how the world can fuck you over up, down, left, right and side ways... You don't think about anything first. You just fuck around and find out just like mom did, and I'm just glad you didn't start a war and fake your death like she did."

But his gaze softened before he washed his hands and spoke while washing his hands, "That must have been terrible thinking you have everything figured out, only for you to find out that underneath this illusion of something wonderful there's a disgusting unwashed underbelly that makes you change your mind on everything you thought you knew." He took a sharp breath when she had mentioned that her own gem was a reminder of why she couldn't just be a gem, while his own existence was a reminder that he was mistake that was never meant to exist, he heard a choked up laugh and took a deep breath before assembling the grilled cheese sandwich and pouring out the fresh tomato soup, and presenting it in front of her. "I'm glad you made it home safe and sound... I'm sorry those older teens were a bunch of dickheads... were they the ones that hurt you?" He asked finally actually asking about the bruises rather than just staring at them with a deep sense of failure in the pit of his stomach.

[jishyucks]

Eight Count ‣ lmh

‣ genre: fluff, enemies-to-lovers, hogwarts!au, I think it's a slow burn

‣ wc: 10.8k

‣ summary: "There's honestly no way Minho would like me. And me of all people would know that." ; in which fate decides to be an ass and make you and Minho dance partners

‣ an: I'm sosososo sorry @ whoever requested this bc of how long it took. I didn't mean for it to be so long but it kept going and uni is to blame bc all of the work :(( but anyways enjoy !!

i.

You feel the beat of your heart quicken as you maneuver through the maze of corridors that you had begun to approach. Time was ticking. The first classes of the day had already started about half an hour ago, and here you were, racing down the stone hallways, tardy and a bit dazed.

It had only been a mere five minutes since you had woken up in the dormitories in pure panic, the realization that everyone had left and you were still cuddled up against one of the pillows in your bed driving you to act quick. You could accuse your housemates of not even bothering to check if you were alive, but you soon decided to place the blame on your body's restlessness and inability to go to sleep when you wished. You wouldn't call it insomnia, but your sleeping patterns weren't normal either.

Approaching the dance room with a quiet sigh of relief, you tug at the wooden door and peek in, hoping that you weren't barging in at such a humiliating time.

Scattered around the rather room, students were paired in twos. Each couple's bodies had been facing each other, hands sitting awkwardly in the other's while their faces were turned towards the dance instructors, Professor Shin and Professor Na. By the look on Professor Shin's face, it was evident that she was about to continue speaking, but the door swinging open had caught her attention.

"Ahh Y/N, nice of you to finally join us," she clasped her hands in genuine excitement, passion towards dance obviously bubbling up inside of her.

You grinned crudely and bowed your head, "W-what should I do, Professor?" Spotting your best friend Felix within the group of students, he tried his best to send you a look of 'we were supposed to be partners'. You shot him an apologetic expression back before turning your attention back to both professors.

After a brief pause in thought, Professor Na's face lit up, "Ah yes! Lee Minho lacks a partner as of now!" Following the eyes of your teacher, they brought your line of sight to the far corner of the room where Minho had been sitting. At the mention of his name, he raised his head to see that everyone had been gaping back at him in what seemed like total silence.

A sharp intake of air through your nose had replicated a gasp, eyes growing wide, "P-pardon?" Out of all the boys in the class, an amount you couldn't keep track of with your fingers, you had to end up with Lee Minho? The human embodiment of a wet sock?

Minho was… unbearable, to say the least. It wasn't that he had done something for you to hate him, which made you seem like a bad person, but in all honesty, your guys' personalities didn't seem to match. He was too arrogant, in your opinion. He has this energy that he carries that really didn't sit well with you, and by the looks of it, the feeling was mutual. It was as if you both ended up on the opposite bc end of everything.

It really doesn't help that you're a Hufflepuff, and he's a Slytherin. For some unknown reason, they always loved teasing the people from your house, though Hufflepuffs chose not to return their actions.

"Mr. Lee is the only student remaining with no partner."

You gulped and slowly approached him, only because your professors had motioned you over to him. If you could protest, you would, but what was holding you back was the attention given by the entire class and the teacher's who seemed too excited for their own good.

Minho pressed his tongue against his inner cheek, eyes lighting up in wrongly-fueled happiness. He hopped from the upper bench and down across from you. You blinked back at him dryly, maintaining calm yet trying to speak to him with your eyes.

Crossing his arms, he leaned forward and smirked, "Why the bitter face? You should relish in your luck for ending up with me."

"Stop talking, dead cells are coming out of your mouth… Luck my as–"

"Now! That everyone has a partner, I'd like you all to stick with these individuals until these classes are finished," Professor Shin had announced. It was quickly followed by groans and whining from many of your classmates. Though you hated your partner and wished you had arrived earlier and paired with Felix, you stood quiet, isolating the anger within your chest.

"And before we begin once again," Professor Na added, "I'd like to point out that this is still a class. We will be holding a class particularly focused on evaluation and your grade will be heavily based on participation over the length of this course." Once again, a chorus of grumbles had flooded the room.

You hear Minho curse under his breath, only because he was now two steps too far into your bubble, "This is utter bullshit."

This time it was your turn to taunt, "Why? Are you scared or something? Can't dance? Can't keep up with everyone?"

Narrowing his eyes, he scoffs, "Oh, shut your mouth, bumblebee. Just wait and see."

ii.

"Get up!" Felix tugged at your arm, voice sounding louder than it actually was. When you hadn't shifted at all in your bed, he sighed and tugged once more, "Y/N!"

"Wha– Felix you're not allowed in here!" You kicked at your blanket and sat up.

"We need to get to dance class," he clicked his tongue, "Let's go~"

"I really don't want to go," you whined, "I'd rather fail a class than hold hands with Lee Minho for an hour and a half." Felix dragged you out of your bed to see that you were already dressed in your robe, only your yellow and black tie had been carelessly tied.

"Wait, did you not change out your clothes from yesterday?" Felix jumped back in exaggeration, alarmed and slightly grossed out. His nose scrunched while he judged you through his eyes.

You glared at him and scoff, "Of course I did, you idiot. And don't act like you haven't done that." You take this as your victory as it was true, Felix had gone two days without changing, and it was a bit nasty considering all the places he's gone to in a day.

This time it was his turn to glare at you, "You shut your mouth! Now let's leave before Snape sees us roaming the halls once class starts."

Minho winced slightly, trying not to let your feet ruin the simple waltz routine that the class had finally run through, "If you step on my foot one more time, I'm shoving yours up your arse." His teeth were gritted in frustration, looking down at you with narrowed eyes.

"Then stop stepping on my feet," you muttered back, hoping that no one else, especially the professors, were hearing you two bicker.

It had only been about two lessons into the class and that amount of times that Minho had purposefully disrupted the routine… as if it were good, to begin with.

The two of you found it difficult to fall in sync with each other. It was always either going too fast or too slow, someone making an 'accidental' mistake, and Minho's favourite, holding your hand and hip with a tight and stubborn grip. It wasn't evident whether he was doing it on purpose, either, but you had pointed it out plenty of times, and he never seemed to loosen them.

"I'm not stepping on them," he pushed you back a little too early in the dance, causing you to stumble on your own feet. This caught the attention of those around you, though they carried on almost immediately after.

"Tell that to my bruised toe," you argued back.

As if you were being blessed, the music had finally come to an end. You promptly retracting your arms and to your body and taking a step back from Minho. He had done the same, going an extra mile to turn away from you and to the professors.

"Perfect! Perfect!" Professor Na's face lit up from excitement, "Now that we have learned this simple routine, next class we are moving on to one of the actual dances done in the Yule Ball as tradition. I hope you all are excited as I am!" Very few students had taken time to let out a "whoop" while everyone else, including you, chose to retrieve their books at the seats.

Felix approached you with a pitiful smile. He already knew what you were going to say, patting your back gently, "So how was it?"

Exhausted, you just shook your head and shrugged. Being partners with Minho honestly had been completely draining for you, mentally and physically, which was unusual as you could often live through such situations without feeling the need to scream.

"What else do you think?"

Felix nodded apologetically and puffed out his cheeks, "Is it as bad as the potions exam we had in fourth year?" He shuddered subtly and led you out of the classroom. Just thinking about that exam made Felix want to claw at his brain. If there was a way to take a particular memory and make it disappear from the chamber of long term memories, he would. Maybe then he'd be able to get a few more hours of sleep.

"Yes," you replied simply. The test was equally as horrible for you, but a test didn't force you to 'create chemistry' with a certain Slytherin.

"You're lying… can't be that bad," Felix laughed lightly.

"Easy for you to say," you sighed.

From behind, you feel someone bump your shoulder and pass by you, "Oops," he snickered, walking backwards to watch your reaction. The only thing he was missing was popcorn.

You turned to see Minho and rolled your eyes, "Ha-Ha, you're so funny, Lee Minho." Such a childish joke and you guys were almost leaving Hogwarts.

Though your reply had been dripping in sarcasm, Minho's wit had dodged it entirely, "Well thank you very much," he bowed, more like a manly curtsy, before he ran off, leaving Felix slightly puzzled at what just happened.

"Don't you see how much of a dingbat he is? He constantly chooses to pick on me just to get a reaction out of me," you utter, "He should be glad I was raised to be patient, if not I'd be hexing him like the world was near its end."

"I see a pattern," Felix hummed. The expression on his face looked as if he had come to an incredible epiphany.

Making a face, you click your tongue, "What do you even mean by that?" What pattern? Green, white, green, white? Minho and his constant need to be the crow to your crops?

Felix patted your head, "You're slow sometimes, you know that right?" He puffed his cheeks up and raised his brows as he looked down at you as if you were a kid.

"Can you just spit it out?" you narrowed your eyes at him before you physically pried his hand off your head.

"Minho does all of that just to get a reaction out of you," Felix presses his lips into a thin line, slowly forming a smile.

Finally arriving at the next classroom, you groaned, "You basically repeated what I said earlier…"

"If you didn't know this already, boys love getting attention from someone they are attracted to," Felix plopped into his seat. You followed right after, "I should know… I'm a boy."

You almost laugh at the tone of his voice. The confidence and the look he gave you to emphasize his statement; was all too funny, "So what you're saying is… Lee Minho has a – and god forbid– crush on me?" Felix nods like a young child, with eyes wide and a tight-lipped smile.

"Bollocks," You burst out laughing, "Felix, I love you, don't get me wrong, but you've never said anything more rubbish in the years I've known you."

"The chances are never zero," Felix put his index finger as if he were saying it in 'a matter of fact'.

You lean forward and sit your chin at your folded forearms. You eyed the teacher as she made her way into the room, "You're right there, Lix, but there's honestly no way Minho would like me. And me of all people would know that." You locked that statement in, feeling your words and emotions contradict.

Right?

iii.

"And then Y/N had the audacity to step on my foot," Minho kicked at the bench across from him, frustration released after what seemed to Seungmin was years of ranting. He didn't mind though, in years of being in the same house as him, he learned how to block him out yet still know what was going on when Minho asked for some sort of reply.

Minho tapped the end of his pencil against his textbook, eyes drifting off elsewhere in the grand hall. Students were clumped at their respective tables, studying for whatever class they had. Minho was trying to do the same, but his state of mind was not in the mood. But he was trying, he was pushing himself, that's what mattered in his opinion.

Turning his attention to Seungmin, who was seated next to him, he jumped, seeing that Seungmin's eyes were wide and directed at him, "What the hell!?"

"What?" Seungmin shifted back forward, facing his own books. In a sense, the scene was hysterical. He acted as if he hadn't done anything wrong or out of the ordinary, but Minho still tried to push an explanation out of him through looks.

"What do you mean what? Why were you looking at me like that?" Minho put his pencil down and closed his book on it.

"I was trying to see something," the boy shrugged and got back to his own work.

Again, Minho furrowed his brows at Seungmin's lack of detail in his response. What in the world was he even trying to do? "Trying to see what? If you don't answer me properly–"

"Okay! Okay!" Seungmin exclaimed a little too loudly, earning looks from other wizards in the room, "You know that saying that if you're in love, you start to glow?"

"No? What type of nonsense are you saying?" Minho scoffed, "Love? Are you sick or something?" Roughly, Minho brought the back of his hand to Seungmin's forehead, which Seungmin had thrown off almost right away.

"You've been talking about Y/N this entire period, you haven't stopped until moments ago," wiggling his eyebrows, Seungmin whispered his reply to Minho, making sure no one would be able to hear him this time.

Minho's face had contorted into one of disgust and confusion, "And?" Where was Seungmin even going with this? He was just relieving stress. It's not that deep.

"My point is that they're the only thing you've been talking about lately," Seungmin scribbles his pen at the top of his paper to get it to work, "Even if I start the conversation, it somehow just shifts to Y/N. Normally I'd be mad, but since you're in love, I'll let it pass."

"In love?" Minho's jaw dropped, a mixture of emotions swimming around inside of him, "In love!?" Trying to find words to perfectly reflect what he was saying, he fails, shoving Seungmin off the bench. Actions spoke louder than words, right?

Seungmin smirked and chuckled, unfazed, "What? Cat got your tongue?" He gets up, dusting his robe off before sitting back down, "It's because I'm right, aren't I?"

Minho gulps, "Will you quit it? You're…"

"I'm…?"

"You're confusing me. Quit it," Minho huffs, gathering all his things as he was planning to return to the dormitories. This was a different way of playing with emotions. There was a zero per cent chance that he liked you, or worse, loved you. That word was way too strong, dangerous like amortentia.

"I take that as a yes!" Seungmin stood his ground, just letting out a genuine laugh.

Minho held a finger up at Seungmin, who still laughed, unbothered. He didn't like you. And if he did, it wasn't wrong to do so. It was an ordinary mortal thing to have feelings. But that didn't matter right now because he didn't like you, not even a tiny crush.

But that slight state of unfamiliar panic in his heart says otherwise.

iv.

The muscles in your arm were aching from the horrible fact that Minho had been purposefully letting his arm go limp while he was holding your hand, which somehow led to you holding up his arm with your arm. You frowned at him, tempted to let your arm fall in the middle of the routine.

"Can you actually put in some effort?" you whispered through gritted teeth. Squeezing Minnho's hand, you directed a look of annoyance that only returned with an amused look. Underneath his robe, you could tell he had been intentionally dragging his feet, causing the both of you to slowly hold those partnerships behind you up.

"I'm not wasting energy on this," he shrugs quietly, "It's ridiculous."

"What don't you find ridiculous?" you rolled your eyes, "You Slytherins and the lack of interest in anything but yourselves. Where's the excitement in that?" No, you didn't want to generalize the entire Slytherin population, especially since you had family members from that house, but you knew exactly how to rev up Minho's engine. Just by the way his face twisted, you knew damn well you hit the right spot.

"Shut your mouth before I spin you a little too hard…" he said a little bit louder, "I don't find it ridiculous, I just find that us being partners is ridiculous… who in this entire school would want to be partners with you?" Before you could even reply, he had caught you, "That's not from your house."

"Jokes on you, I know plenty of people who would be partners with me," you scoffed, and it was true. There was Jisung who had somehow been sorted into Gryffindor, Hyunjin and their seniors, Bang Chan and Changbin. And there was Jeongin, who was a Ravenclaw. You could list a handful more, but that's beside the point.

"Silence is deadly," he stifled a laugh which had driven you to 'accidentally' stumble over your own feet. This caused him to stumble himself, only he wasn't prepared for it, "I'm blaming you for ending up being my partner. I was hoping someone else would've entered the room. But no, it had to be you."

"You're blaming me? For this?" You shake your head out of disbelief, not noticing that your voice had gone louder. You were catching the attention of those around you and the professors at the front of the room, "You could have found a partner you wanted in the first place but you probably decided to stay back and wait for someone to go up to you. No one wanted to be partners with you, which is why you ended up alone in the first place."

Minho's eyebrows furrowed, eyes almost on fire at what you had just said, "You know what?!"

Before he had been able to continue the banter, Professor Shin had cleared her throat. The glares that they both were sending your way had caused the both of you to stop with the squabbling, "Y/N, Minho, I know we've never talked to the two of you about your constant bickering, but it is simply interrupting the atmosphere of my classroom."

Taken aback, the both of you had stumbled over each other's feet, falling to the ground and causing a domino effect among the rest of the students.

Flustered, you turn to Minho, "That was all your fault, Lee Minho." You huffed and attempted to get up, failing once you noticed that Minho was practically lying on your leg.

"Oh be quiet," he rolled his eyes and dusted himself off, "That was all you! You and your two left feet." The rest of the room was silent, regardless of the incident. All ears and eyes were on the 'love birds,' not entirely sure whether or not they should blame you both on what had just happened.

Sliding out from underneath him, you scoffed, "Don't speak so highly of yourself, Minho."

Minho cackled, "Highly? Of myself?!"

"Stop this instant!" Professor Na had finally mustered up the courage to intervene, anger bubbling in his stomach, "Enough!" The two professors began helping the students up, scolding both of you as they did.

"Five points deducted from your respective houses," Professor Shin said sharply, "And you both are now in charge of polishing the floor every Friday for the following three weeks."

"But professor–"

Minho was cut off, "That, or ten points off for your houses…" And without another word, you both chose to polish the floors after all classes were done for the day.

Day one of polishing the floors was practically the most difficult. Not only did the professors restrict using magic to finish the chore, but the overall idea of doing something alongside Minho aggravated you, which was why you hated dancing with him so much. The comments he'd make, the taunting looks he'd give you, the jokes that were obviously uncalled for, they all were honestly bringing you to the point of near insanity.

At first, both of you had decided to start off on the same side, almost the same corner. But the moment you noticed Minho constantly glancing your way in the corner of your eye, you decided against it, "How about I start at that end."

"Whatever floats your boat," he mumbles, "I don't care."

The tone in his voice hadn't matched yours, which you assumed was polite enough not to spark some type of that energy in him, but it did.

"Whatever," you make your way to the other end, sliding your robe off on the way. You let it hang off one of the benches, making sure it wasn't touching the floor. You rolled up your sleeves and started polishing the further end of the room, a bit relieved that Minho wasn't hovering anywhere within your line of sight. It was better that way.

The second day, you were hoping that you could get through a period of cleaning without hearing Minho's ungodly voice. He had been moving back and forth from one corner to the other, feet squeaking seemingly endlessly against the floor. You wished that the volume of the music could be turned up louder.

"I'm doing more than you are," Minho pointed out. You turned to find that he was standing in the middle of the room, hair messy and beads of sweat lining his hairline. His collar was out of place, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows just as yours were. Did he, for some reason, look attractive, or was it the lack of light in the room? Probably the latter.

"What do you mean you're doing more than I am?" you feel your eyebrows knit together in confusion, "I'm doing the same amount of work as you." And you were, but you were working just a bit slower than he was. He had probably sped through his area with the idea that the sooner you both finished, the sooner you were able to leave.

"Just hurry up," he groaned. Minho dragged his feet over to a lone stool, pushing it against the wall before plopping into it. The music continued to play, drowning out the shuffle noises of his feet.

"No," you replied, keeping your speed consistent. It wasn't like you wanted to stay longer. It was the fact that Minho couldn't leave until you were finished that was making you act this way. Maybe if he did his job well, he wouldn't be sitting around doing nothing.

Tile by tile, you continued to carry out the chore given to you, not paying mind to the pair of eyes that were burning holes into your back. You ensured that the areas you had worked on were basically spotless, reflection or not, you assumed that shiny meant clean.

Minho had been humming along to the somewhat catchy tune, foot tapping to pass the precious time he believed you were wasting. Nonetheless, he leaned back and sighed, hoping you could finish in time, so he had time to nap before dinner.

"Why do they even need classes for dancing?" He sighed out. At first, you weren't quite sure if he was speaking to you or if he was just thinking out loud, "I feel like we'd be fine either way…" You turn to look at him, seeing that he was already staring at you down.

"I mean it's going to look nice at the Yule Ball,"

You replied.

"Yeah but not everyone's going… it's a waste of time," Minho had a point, yet you still found it somewhat amusing that the school would want to organize such things.

"I don't see why you don't just skip class if you find it a waste of time," you moved onto another spot and sighed, "No one's stopping you."

"Yeah but who'd be your partner then?"

Not knowing how to react to his question, you keep quiet. Minho decided not to follow up on the problem, thinking that he had said something out of the ordinary.

The sun had reached the horizon when you finished your portion of the room. You stood up to stretch, hearing the joints of your knees and back pop out of exhaustion. It was satisfying to see the difference between the used, scruffy floor and the clean, polished floor.

"Okay Lee Minho I'm finished," without taking a glance at the boy, you made your way over to the record player. You lifted the needle off and picked the record up, slipping it into its sleeve. It didn't occur to you that Minho hadn't shifted in the past thirty minutes, silence filling the room because you turned the music off.

"Minho?" Finally turning to him, you found him sleeping with his head sat back against the wall. His mouth was wide open, practically becoming a makeshift trap for bugs that happened to be flying around. The rest of his body was limp, legs spread out beneath him. It was surprising that he hadn't fallen off yet.

You walked up to his sleeping figure and laughed lightly, wishing you had a camera to capture this moment. It would've been great blackmail. Maybe then he'd start being nice to you. Naturally, your eyes followed the slope of his nose, then to the two front teeth that stuck out from underneath his top lip.

He had bunny-like features, and you didn't mean that in a wrong way. His face was still sculpted nonetheless. Anyone with eyes would have to admit that he was attractive.

"Done staring at me yet?"

You screamed and jumped back, pressing your hand up to your chest as if to calm you down. Looking back at Minho, you find that his eyes were still closed, yet a smirk had replaced his gaping mouth. The number of curse words that threatened to leave your mouth was countless, the embarrassment creeping up to your cheeks. He finally lifted his head to look at you, eyes still a bit droopy from his nap.

"I-I wasn't staring at you," you denied, shaking your head a bit too aggressively, "Well I was… but because I was laughing at how foolish you just looked."

An offended look surfaced Minho's face, scowling at you as he stood, "I have this feeling that you're lying, bumblebee… Anyways, this is where I leave. Finally, after years." He shook his rolled-up sleeves so that the cuffs slid back to his wrists. You let him leave without another word from the two of you, still in a bit of shock at what just happened. You knew he was never going to let you forget that.

You slumped next to Felix as dinner was being served, an expression almost as heavy as your posture. He looked down at you, debating whether or not he should interrupt the mini montage you were probably playing through your head.

"I want to ask you how the cleaning today was but I think I already know just by looking at you," he stated, sliding a piece of roasted chicken your way, "Unless you do want to speak about it. Just eat and the day's over."

You gave him a grateful smile and gestured for him to eat too, eyes lighting up slightly, "I'm actually not tired from cleaning that stupid dance room, but it's just… this thing that happened. It was beyond embarrassing."

Felix snorts and stuffs his cheeks with food. His words came out muffled as he still chose to reply with a full mouth, "What happened this time?"

You glanced towards the Slytherin table, eyes scanning it quickly to get one quick look at Minho before you whispered, "Minho fell asleep waiting for me to finish cleaning. He looked idiotic as he did so I sorta just—how do I say this— stared at him? But it wasn't like I was admiring him, it was more like I didn't want that stupid look on his face to go away. It was amusing."

"And?"

"In the middle of that he went, 'are you done staring yet?' It was like he had a sixth sense or something," you muttered, "Now I feel like he's making fun of me."

"Doesn't he always make fun of you," Felix had yet again stuffed his mouth, so his words were still muffled, "Why does it matter this time?"

"It's different. It's not some useless situation… it was genuinely embarrassing," you poke the food before taking a bite of your own, "He's going to it against me, I already know."

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure he'll forget it sooner than you will."

"Hey remember when I caught you staring at me?" Minho's voice echoed faintly throughout the room. He stood up to stretch before he crouched back down.

"I never stared at you," you sneered, "And why are you talking about that as if it happened years ago. That was literally last week."

"That's long enough in my book," he retorted, "Good times." A small reminiscing type smile appearing on his lips.

"Can you not start? I sorta want today to be stress-free and you're literally ruining it," you roll your eyes and move onto the next tile on your side. Minho had decided to choose a different record to play today, one the professors had never played in class. It had been hidden behind all the other records being used, and it took Minho a good five minutes to rake through all of them just to get to it.

The songs were more upbeat than the waltz music you were forced to listen to, which was actually much more perfect for cleaning to. It made it a bit more bearable than the last two times you had to clean.

Minho didn't reply, though you didn't see how he switched glances between you and the mechanical polisher in hand. The track had shifted into a faster song, something that was easy to dance to. From where he stood, he could see your knitted eyebrows, eyes dropping from the slight fatigue blanketing over you after a long school day.

Upon awareness that his shoulders were slumped, he straightened himself and sighed. This week had indeed been a long week, and it was evident in some way in both of you. This was the last of the week's labour before he could go and relax while mindlessly saving his homework for Sunday.

The music had been tempting to let go earlier than he should for the week, the steady beat and the catchy melody filling the room.

Putting the polisher and the rag down, he took a few steps towards you, still contemplating whether he should do what he was thinking or not. He was unsure whether it was bizarre for him to pull such a thing. But you did say you wanted a stress-free day, so he thought he should switch up a bit.

He started moving his body to the rhythm of the music, head bobbing as it took over him naturally. It was easier dancing alone than with a partner, that's for sure, but he wanted to invite you.

"Y/N!" He was freestyling, arms flailing and legs bringing him across the room with a swift movement.

You sighed, "What now?" Turning to Minho, you find him in the middle of the dance room, doing what the room was made for. He had a foreign smile on his face, not the usual smirk you'd find him sporting.

"What the–"

"Join me!"

You went through several different emotions in seconds, confusion, amusement, joy, contemplation… how were you supposed to react to a goofy Minho?

"Join me!" He repeated. This time he approached you, hands out in invitation, "C'mon it's fun!"

"Minho, we have to finish this so we can leave, remember?" You tried to keep a stern look on your face, yet you couldn't hold back the smile that had been forcing itself out. Minho suited this look; It was happier and carefree. You didn't know that his eyes would light up when he smiled a somewhat gummy smile.

"I know, but let's take a break," being the impatient boy he was, he took hold of your hands and pulled you up. He led you in a dance that probably wasn't considered a partner dance. He just pushed your arms back and forth like those scenes in the movies.

"Minho!" You finally let out a laugh, feet unable to keep up with his. He was sidestepping left, then sidestepping right, then back and forth, all unplanned. You stumbled, letting out joyful laughter that was rare around Minho. He laughed along with you, eyes disappearing the bigger his smile got.

When your legs had gotten worn out from constant movement, you tripped over one of them, sending you and your dance partner to the ground. Instead of erupting anger that would have usually washed over you, fits of laughter fell in its place, echoing throughout the room.

Before you could ask if he was okay, you hear footsteps enter the room, a confused Professor Shin staring the both of you down, "What are you two doing?! This is not polishing the floors!" The exasperation changed the normal hue of her skin into a shade of crimson.

Quickly apologizing, you get up and return to your so-called 'stations,' not being able to say another word about what had just happened to each other.

You wouldn't admit it out loud, not in front of Minho at least… but that was the most fun you've had in weeks.

Little did you know, Minho felt the same way.

v.

There was a part of you who had gotten used to Minho's horrible dancing after two weeks of dancing classes. After what happened last week, there was a tiny sliver of toleration that had surfaced from both of you. It was mutual. But obviously, neither of you were going to admit it.

Though Minho was starting to get somewhat bearable, there were still days when he'd begin to act up, smirk pinned tightly on his lips while he mischievously pranced about in the dance room. Today was one of those days.

When Professor had slipped the record onto the play, dropping the needle onto the very edge and starting it, Minho had chosen to let his body go heavy, relying on you to haul him around like a giant, weighted ragdoll. You knew he wasn't tired, just judging by the look in his eyes.

"Give it up," you tugged him roughly in one direction, then again towards another, feet hardly following the steps the class was taught the past few weeks. If Minho let his body grow just a bit limper than it already was, his head would have fallen directly onto your shoulder. If you were being honest, you didn't want any attention from anyone else in the room, "Lee Minho, I'm not in the mood for this today, okay?"

Minho's ears perked at the foreign tone that had slipped from your lips, sensing that you were being serious. You would tell him to quit it most days, but never with that tone; It was no fun if you weren't fighting back. Sighing quietly, he had picked his body up and started to follow the eight-count that Professor Shin was practically yelling out.

This minor change didn't go unnoticed by you, feeling his body grow lighter just moments after you'd ask him to quit it. Did he just…?

Other students in the room were surprised that you two were going more than thirty seconds without arguing like a married couple. Many sets of eyes didn't bother leaving the both of you, watching what would happen next in the twist of events.

Minho's feet carried his body swiftly; for the first time, he was guiding you like he was supposed to, but his eyes were glued to his feet, not wanting it to become weird if he were to make accidental eye contact with you. He didn't like how quiet it was between the both of you. The music didn't even do its purpose by filling the silence.

"Are you going to the Yule Ball?" Minho asked awkwardly. He twirled you as part of the dance. He recognized that look on your face which was basically a wordless reply, "That was probably a dumb question." Shaking his head, Minho mentally slapped himself. Never in his life did he fail with words.

"Of course I'm going," you replied rather expressionless, "Why would I not?" You were almost as confused as earlier. Minho trying to make a civilized conversation. Who the fuck was this? It wasn't Minho.

He shrugs, "I don't know… I guess you have a date…?" Minho, what the fuck. He squeezed his eyes shut as if the stone floor would swallow him wholly to take him away from this situation.

As puzzled as you were, you still decided to keep the conversation as it was, "Nope… I think I'm just going with Felix for fun." You tried to keep your tone calm when really you were freaking out. The only thing was you had no idea why you were freaking out, "Y-you?" Facepalm.

"No one."

None of you chose to speak after, not knowing where the conversation was going. The song was slowly reaching the end, which you had wished came sooner. Minho's hands were growing sweaty, and you wanted nothing more than to wipe your hand off. It was getting hot in the room too. Your collar was growing tight, throat itching for water.

Minho's heart was beating a bit too fast for his liking, but it was probably because he was growing tired from the moving. He wondered if you could feel how sweaty his hands were getting. Embarrassing.

"Final counts!" Professor Na called out before the static of the record player replaced the music. The two of the professors had clapped in adoration, overlooking all the students in the room.

Professor Shin had a broad smile on her face, "Beautiful! Gorgeous! Best one so far!" She twirled in place, "Thank you everyone! The Yule ball is in two weeks so I am very pleased with the effort you all are putting into this class! Remember we still have the final class in which you are graded, which I'm sure you all will ace."

"I couldn't care less," Minho mumbled, only so you could hear.

You turn to him, squinting your eyes and tilting your head to express your slight frustration, "You know I'm your partner right?"

"Oh no~ really?," he stuffed his hands into his pockets, "And?"

"And? I don't want to fail this class, even though I'm forced to dance with you," you stated, "So don't you fucking dare fail us both." That tone in your voice was evident once again, catching Minho off guard. The only reason that it had this effect on him was that he was so used to you choosing to fight back. It was like some sort of reminder that everyone around him was getting old, and soon all those around him were expected to be serious.

Nevertheless, Minho shrugs to annoy you, "Whatever."

Instead of answering, you eyed him once more. Your dancing just a few moments ago says otherwise.

You had practically sighed out the total capacity of your lungs as you hung onto Felix's arms on the way out the door.

"What are you sighing about?" He chuckled.

"You already know," you elbowed him.

Felix rolled his eyes and sang, "I saw you guys dancing earlier~."

You pushed him away gently, shock littering your face and posture, "What the bloody hell are you on about now, Lee?"

"You guys actually look cute together when you aren't babbling and all," he grinned innocently. Your heart had the audacity to skip a beat, startling you just as much as Felix did.

"Cute?" You scoffed, "First you said you think he liked me, now this? Are you his wingman or something? Are you trying to get me to like him?"

Felix skipped in his step, "I don't even talk to Minho, Y/N, don't be ridiculous… wait… did you basically just say you're starting to like him?" He gasped, hand slapping over his mouth, which had fallen in shock.

"No," you say flatly.

"Liar," Felix poked at your rib, "Liar. At least confess that you find him less bad."

"Sure, whatever makes you happy, Felix."

When you had fallen out of Felix's line of sight, you let the corner of your mouths turn up slightly. He said we looked cute, you think, only followed by you flicking yourself in the temple.

-

"I thought you were staying here until it closed?" you frown at Felix, who started gathering his stuff. You both had planned on cramming everything in for a test the next day, but plans didn't go as planned when Felix was eager to go back to the dormitories to sleep until the morning.

"My eyes are going to fall out of their sockets if I don't go and sleep, Y/N," he pats your head as if he were talking to a young child, "You can stay if you want. I know how much you hate studying in the common room." He double-checks his area to ensure he hadn't forgotten any of his belongings before patting your head once more. He grins and turns towards the door of the library, leaving you sitting alone at the table.

"Felix ~" You called out quietly, only for him to wave with his back facing you. You sighed and slumped back in your chair, resting your arms on the handles. Libraries were so much better when you had company.

The words in the textbook were starting to turn into blobs of ink, and for a second, you were thinking about following in Felix's footsteps. After moments of consideration, you shook your head and sat up. You'll stay, even if it was against the will of your fatigue self that had been prompting you to leave. This was all your fault anyway. Procrastination was a cruel thing.

Hunching forward, you let your eyes trace over the words, trying to process the information. You rewrote the info you wished to remember carelessly. Your notes resembled chicken scratch, but at this point, you didn't care because it was simply supplementary to your studying. The sun was close to its horizon, and the library was close to empty. It was somewhat more motivating.

Slowly the information had started to get more interesting. It was easier to run through the key terms and ideas listed in the textbook, and you could feel the exhaustion simply leaving your body. I'll finish this one last chapter and then save the rest for lunch tomorrow.

Your focus on the book had hindered your peripheral vision that the presence of another wizard floating over your shoulder went unnoticed. It was only until they had sat down next to you when you finally noticed.

You jumped in your seat, eyes growing wide. You had luckily suppressed your scream with your hand, which you had, out of defense, swung forward, slapping the person in the chest.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You don't sneak up on people like that, Minho," you rolled your eyes at the Slytherin, shifting away from him before turning your attention back towards the textbook. He scooches closer with intentions of irritating you, pushing his face towards your book, "What are you doing?"

You push him away and stick one of the thicker books between you both, "What does it look like?"

"Studying?"

"You're smarter than I thought, Lee Minho," sarcasm dripped from your voice as you glared at him. Attempting to continue with the final chapter, you miserably fail when Minho interrupts your concentration by tapping his fingers loudly against the wooden table.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" you say numbly, voice muffled by your robe, "I was literally just sitting here and you decide to do this."

Minho shrugs and uses his arms as a makeshift pillow, "I was bored, saw you, here I am, I'm here to stay."

Your eyebrows furrowed at the fact that Minho decided to 'spend time with you upon seeing you. You had no idea whether to feel flattered or irritated, but you knew you were confused. He could've just gone back to the Slytherin dungeons to sit with his housemates, but he saw you and decided to sit with you.

Staring blankly at the bookshelves across from you, you huffed out the corner of your mouth, blowing a stray strand of hair by your cheek. You did say you wanted company. You just weren't sure if it was Minho's company that you wanted. Glancing down briefly at him, and looked back up to the bookshelves.

"Fine," you say after pondering about the idea.

Minho's ears perked up, raising his brows, "Fine?"

"Just don't be loud."

Minho's head tilts in confusion, though he still complies, sitting next to you patiently. You continued to read through the final chapter, which you had underestimated in length. The chapter was a good half a centimetre in thickness. Though it didn't seem as much at first glance, the pages were practically dipped in ink, words covering it from one corner to the other.

You could feel your eyes grow heavy as you delve deeper into the chapter. Your bed was calling for you, but there was no way you were going to give. Not until this chapter was finished.

The library had been silent except for the occasional click of the pen from the librarian's desk. You had been mentally counting down the number of pages left to skim over, eager to feel that feeling of satisfaction you usually get once you finish a task. It was the same feeling as crossing or checking off a chore on a to-do list.

Minho had settled his eyes on the centre of your book, keeping them steady even as you flipped the pages. He felt the lids of eyes gradually get heavier as each page went by, and by the time you shut the book in delight, he had fallen asleep.

"Again?" You furrowed your eyebrows, remembering the last time he had fallen asleep in your presence. You darted your eyes away from his dormant figure, not making that same mistake twice, "Minho, wake up."

He stirs right away, head rising from his arms. This time he says nothing, pushing himself off of the library's chair before stumbling over his own feet as he makes his way to your side. He looked like a toddler, and it was admittedly adorable.

"Why didn't you just go straight to the dorms if you were tired," you snorted at his dumbassery. Some students still littered the halls even if curfew was nearing. Instead of parting from your side at the library's entrance, Minho stuck by your side.

"I wanted to spend time with you outside of class," he grumbles. He blinks at the long corridor in front of you two, eyes barely staying open from exhaustion.

Feeling your heart skip a beat, you tried to pick out if he was joking or not, but his tone screamed, 'I'm tired.' Any other emotion was hard to comb out, so you sighed and shook your head, pressing your lips into a smile, "Sleep that cheesiness off, Lee Minho."

Minho continued to walk next to you, silent and confused about what you just had said. It wasn't like he was drunk. He was well aware of what he just said. Nonetheless, he subtly walked you to the kitchen corridor, parting ways with you with an uttered 'goodbye.'

vi.

Sitting against the stone wall, you watched the rest of the class carry out the dance routine, formation changes and all. You ran through it with them, only mentally as your partner was nowhere to be found, and the class was halfway done.

There were barely any classes left before the final graded run through, and Minho really thought it'd be funny to skip? You would have let it pass if you guys weren't the worst duo in the room, but you guys are the worst duo in the room, which made the situation different.

"Professor Na," You asked quietly, "Has Lee Minho been excused from today's class. Is he ill?" You didn't want to jump to conclusions, keeping in mind that people did have their own reasons. Maybe he had caught a cold or was doing a missed exam that was far more important than dancing.

"No word from Minho, Y/N," the professor hummed back.

You frowned and thanked him, turning back to the main dance floor, students moving in sync. Where was he?

Just as you had finished your train of thought, the door had swung open just like it probably did on the first day of class. Minho stumbled in, hair a mess and a rather sheepish smile stamped on his lips.

"I apologize Professors," he bowed deeply, following the perimeter of the room. He bowed again as he reached the two instructors at the front of the room.

Professor Shin stopped her counting, "No need to apologize to us, apologize to your partner." She gestured towards you, already looking back. Minho nodded and approached you, though when he did reach you, he didn't apologize.

"And?"

"And what?" Minho ridiculed.

"Aren't you going to apologize like what the Professor asked?" You tried not to laugh at how Minho had been acting.

Minho let out a cackle, “No? Why should I? Can you stand up so we can start dancing or something?" His hand was itching to reach out for yours, feeling like he should pull you towards him, but he hindered himself from doing so, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Instead of pushing the apology out of him, you decided against it, not wanting to waste any of your time, "Why are you even late?"

The two of you followed the crowd, joining in at the perfect time. Minho smirked, "Worried about me or something? I know I'm in your head twenty-four seven, but I didn't expect you to be so obvious about it."

Tightening your grip around his hand, you gritted your teeth, "I wasn't worried about you, nitwit."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because you made me sit, doing nothing for nearly forty-five minutes?" You reply as if you were pointing out the obvious, "So why are you late and coming to class looking like a mountain troll?"

"Wow, ouch," he sighed, "I slept in. Am I going to hell for doing so? Because I can recall you did the same the first day and got us into this mess."

"This is about you, not me," you applied pressure onto his hands, causing him to stumble back slightly, ruining the rhythm he had built up. He furrowed his brows at you and did the same, only you were somehow ready for it.

"Oh please," Minho rolls his eyes, "You've done the same so you shouldn't even be mad at me."

"I'm only frustrated, not mad, there's a difference," you point out, "And I'm frustrated because we have that graded dance next week. If we fail, it's going to be your fault."

"It takes two to tango," he quoted, "And you already know where I stand on that. I don't ca-"

"Shut up, the professors are looking," you warned, flashbacks to the three weeks you had to polish the floors.

Minho laughed slightly, letting air blow out of his nose. He let his eyes drift down at you, keeping them there for a little too long.

"What?"

"Nothing," he shrugged, spinning you along with the other students, "You just looked way too terrified." The next move had the two of you closer than the initial space between you.

"I don't want to be spending an extra three hours with you after classes polishing the floor," you retort sharply. Instead of holding eye contact with him, you stared at the Slytherin crest on his uniform.

"I know you liked spending time with me, don't lie," he rolled his eyes teasingly.

"I'm not lying."

"You staring at me says otherwise."

"Oh hush about that already, I literally told you that I wasn't staring at you," Inwardly cringing, you felt relief once the music had stopped. You stepped back and eyed down the boy in front of you, "Why do keep bringing that up?"

Before Minho could give reasoning, Professor Na had spoken up from across the room, reminding everyone that the next class was the graded class. Though they wouldn't be strict with grading, he still wanted to see the students' effort 'flowing'. After a chorus of groans, class ended, allowing you to avoid Minho and find your way to Felix.

-

Someone tapping your shoulder had woken you up, head jolting up as if you were frightened.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Chaeryeong gasped sheepishly. She was hovering over you slightly, eyes wide. She was changed into her nightwear.

You sat up, only now realizing you had fallen asleep in the common room, "It's alright. What time is it?" You didn't even remember how you fell asleep, but you sure did have a good sleep.

"It's almost midnight," she replied, "I needed to grab water from the kitchen, then I saw you here and figured it'd be more comfortable for you to go to sleep in your own bed rather than this tiny couch."

You grinned, "Thanks Chae… I'll probably get something from the kitchen as well."

She nods and mumbles out a quick goodnight before disappearing to the girls' dorms. You return her farewell before standing up, eyes drawn to the wrinkles your nap had made on your robe. Attempting to straighten the robe and yourself out, you stumbled towards the Hufflepuff house entrance, exiting promptly.

The fireplace had been lit, a few house elves roaming about and carrying out their own duties. They paid no mind to you, as midnight snacks weren't out of the ordinary for Hufflepuffs.

You asked for what you needed, then was given it with no delay, "Thank you." The house elf nods before turning away with a grunt.

You sit at one of the tables, zoning out as you stared at the blazing fire across from you. School was getting a bit more stressful than it usually has, which was probably the reason why you had fallen asleep without knowing. You remember coming back from a long library visit. Maybe you collapsed on the couch once you did.

You made mental notes on the work still yet to be done before the following week, spontaneously creating a headache. Standing up, you figured it was best for you to go back to sleep. Slipping the dish into the sink, you started making your way back to the dorms.

You rubbed your temples and shook your head as you closed your eyes. It probably hadn't been a good idea to be wandering with your eyes closed as you had immediately bumped into something firm.

"Y/N?"

Looking up, you came face to face with Lee Minho, who was just as shocked as you were. He had been dressed down in a knitted Slytherin sweater and pyjama pants.

"Minho? What in the world?"

He backs up after noticing how close you were to each other, "Could say the same 'bout you."

"My dorms are right there," you point just down the corridor, "While yours is in the dungeon…"

Minho blinks before he tries to move around you, eyes avoiding yours.

"What are you doing here?" you grab his wrist, eager to find out why he was roaming the halls. It wasn't unusual for students to be breaking the rules, especially Minho, who loved living up to the stereotypes of a Slytherin. He smirks at the skinship, which prompts you to let go of him, heat rising up to your cheeks without warning. You're suddenly glad it's dim around the two of you.

"I was… taking a walk," he successfully pushes past you and into the kitchen, a glass of water already there for him. He thanks the house elf, leaving the glass, before turning back to you. By the looks of it, it seems like he's been doing this before, like a routine.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed, "Taking a walk? You're painfully awful at lying." And the pause in his speaking gave that away. You followed behind him, expecting an honest answer as if you deserved to know.

"Weren't you just leaving?"

"But my question is unanswered," you shrugged.

"I answered you, I was taking a walk," he pushed the answer. Putting the cup down, he turned to you, "I have… sleeping problems."

"You just lied again," you nonchalantly, "Just tell me the truth. No judgment. A Hufflepuff's promise." You weren't usually one to push an answer out of someone, but this situation was different.

"You say no judgment but I already know how you're going to react to the truth," he takes another sip of water.

"So you were lying!" You raised your brows, "I knew it!"

"You don't deserve the truth," he sighs. Finishing the cup of water, he starts to make his way out, not even turning to look back.

"Lee Minho!" You groaned. Maybe it was your fatigue self or the fact this felt like some sort of game, but you weren't holding yourself back, "When I said I wouldn't judge, I won't. My mind's open to whatever you're going to say."

Minho spins around to face you, stumbling backward a few more steps before he halts, "I was practicing the dance steps."

No judgment.

The flat expression on Minho's face indicated that he had no intentions of lying this time. He had his hands hiding behind his back, eyeing you just to see if you would live up to your promise. Instead of his expected reaction, he finds you smiling, something he'd only see when you were around your friends.

"Wipe that smile off of your face, bumblebee," he mutters.

"Didn't you say you didn't care about that class?" you quoted, a smirk slowly replacing your smile, "Why are you practicing the steps?"

Minho licked his lips. He was at a loss of words, nothing but the truth occupying his mind… Why the hell not?

"Because you care."

You blinked back at him, lips parting and meeting several times as you tried to find the right words to say. The silence was deafening. "What?"

"Because you care," Minho repeated. He kept his expression still, eyeing you, trying to figure out how you were taking this in.

How would he further explain it? He didn't know. All he knew was that ever since that specific moment between the both of you the other day, he took it upon himself to better his partner dancing. He didn't want anyone else knowing, not you, and especially not his housemates, which was why he chose to stay up late to do this; it was the real reason why he had shown up late to class.

You weren't sure if it was because it was quiet, but you could easily hear your heartbeat as it quickened. You try to cover up the fact that you wanted to freak out, "I don't know whether I should laugh or–"

"Yeah, whatever, shouldn't have told you in the first place," he mumbles. For some reason, he felt his heart lub-dub in a way that it shouldn't. He frowned and sighed, "Just forget it."

"Wait, Minho," you call quietly. He stopped in his tracks and turned, partially facing the wall and facing you. He stared back at you with a vacant look, waiting for you to say something. If you weren't going to be saying something nice, he didn't want to hear it after exposing himself like that.

"'Because you care?'" you frowned, "You can't just say that and leave." You already made up a possible answer to the countless questions through your mind, but it was still unclear whether or not that was it.

"What else do you want me to say?" Minho stuffs his hands into his pockets.

"I just want you to explain it," you reply quietly.

Minho glanced out the window sitting by you both before sitting down on its pane, "Remember that other day… when I told you I didn't care?" You nod and move closer to where he sat, unsure whether or not you should sit next to him or not, "I don't know… you were really serious back then… I guess I wasn't used to that. So I figured…"

There was a quick moment of silence before he huffs, almost sounding defeated.

"Did you know that I genuinely don't dislike you as much as you think I do?" He says out of the blue, throwing you off. You wanted to tell him to sleep it off again—why did moments like this always happen at night?

"I don't either," you say back, "At first I did… but I matured."

"I only ever argued with you out of amusement. You're the only person outside of Slytherin that could out-talk me and it bothered me for some reason," he laughed as if he recalled a memory.

"Me intimidating a Slytherin? Just wait til the others hear about this," you joke. He glanced towards your direction and saw a clever glint in your eye.

"Don't you dare," he holds back a smile before standing up to face you directly, "Or…"

"Or what?" You challenged, "Imagine how Seungmin would react! Donghyuck and Renjun? What about Yeosang and Wooyoung?" You start listing the other well-known Slytherins off of the top of your head, holding back a laugh as you watch Minho's face crumble into an expression that looks far too close to fear.

Minho recollects himself and shakes some sense into himself, "Or I'll make you go to the Yule Ball with me." He hadn't planned on asking you today, but the timing was perfect. It fit with the situation. If you were to react unfavourably, then he could just joke about it.

His question shut you up. Your eyes widened at him as you processed what he had used as a threat, "What if I want to go to the Yule Ball with you?"

Minho takes a step towards you, a smirk appearing on his lips. His confidence was skyrocketing, and you can tell, "Then I guess it's a date?"

Rolling your eyes, you let a smile grace softly onto your lips, nodding, "It's a date."

Bonus:

"I told you to wear something with gold," you whined jokingly as you were greeted with Minho, who had completely dodged your request. Instead of the black and gold look you were going for, he decided to wear a black suit that had traces of emerald. As much you wanted to match with your date, you had to admit that he still looked as handsome as ever in the attire. He looked like a prince.

"And look like a Hufflepuff? No thanks," he scoffed teasingly. He pulls out a corsage, one that matches the clothes he wore, tying it gently around your wrist, "You look very beautiful."

"Well, you look very handsome."

Minho laughed as he sticks out his forearm, a brow raised in your direction. Music being played by the live band had been spilling out of the ballroom; the voices of everyone attending gave the ball more life. It was exciting.

"Minho!" Seungmin had called. Felix, who had slipped from your side the moment Minho approached you, was standing by Seungmin, smiling brightly. He had been hyping you up the entire night, telling you that there should be nothing to worry about.

He was right.

"Shall we?" Minho asked. It was cheesy, but it worked.

"We shall."

Hope you enjoyed it! A like would be appreciated <3

[curiousconch]

Chase You/Chase Me (Pt. 7)

Part 7: Round and around we go

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: The attack in McGraw Byrne's offices reveals a deeper conspiracy that runs to the top of the law firm, which Alex pursued head on. But when the dust settles, she is forced to face the music of her own troubled mind.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 2.1k+

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / themes of violence, and trauma, language. Reader discretion advised.

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogue belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

A week after, New York City

Shit. Shit. Shit.

The gunman panted as he ran through the dark and unfamiliar side streets of New York, the covering on his face not helping alleviate the sense of panic overtaking him.

His current state of mind paled in comparison with how calm he walked into the offices of that freakishly bright law firm.

The task was simple - get the phone and get out.

But when he found himself face to face with the woman who'd sent his life into a whirling clusterfuck, he didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

He missed.

A brute of a man rammed into him right before he took a shot. Who knew corporate slaves can be combative? By then he knew he was fucked. He snatched the phone then ran.

An earlier scope of the building gave him an easy way out, but the shitty maze of the streets of the business district didn't give much of a reprieve.

I fucking hate this city.

He didn't know how long he'd been running, not until he had to stop by the dead end wall in front of him.

Blue and red flashing lights caught him in a daze, his breath heavy, realizing he was boxed in by police officers in an alley.

"Freeze!" one had shouted. "Raise your arms over your head!"

He didn't have a choice. He's not willing to die for his uncle, nor take another sentence in prison. That scumbag wasn't worth it, regardless of how many times that man tried drilling the thought into his head.

I'm tired of this shit anyway. Though I'll miss the perks.

He raised his hands, then felt his knees buckle when someone kicked him from behind, forcing him to the ground. Someone pulled the ski mask off his head, his face now exposed for everyone to see.

He was the younger, spitting image of Koenig's CEO. Except for those piercing blue eyes.

Now everyone will know, he thought. Poor uncle Peter will be burned to the stakes after he spill every single sordid detail of all the crimes Max was ordered to do.

From that pretty little celebrity in L.A., the poisoned man from Oklahoma, the researchers from Massachusetts, and all of those other victims in between.

Good thing he kept all those souvenirs. He will prove to them that he was just a pawn.

The pawn that was Maximilian Koenig Cornell.

**

A few days after, Rooftop of McGraw Byrne

Alex took another hit of nicotine from the cigarette between her fingers, standing by the edge of the fancy rooftop lounge. She exhaled a plume of smoke, the friction in her throat giving herself a temporary reprieve from her chaotic state of mind.

By the rest of the world's standards, it should have been a beautiful day. The skies above her was indigo, filled with streaks of orange from the setting sun. The peacefulness of it a far cry from the storm that was brewing inside her.

Success shouldn't feel this way. She was having a hard time basking in her recent victories.

Alex was just named junior partner this morning, after successfully taking Peter Koenig and Sadie McGraw down. Max Cornell, who turned out to be Koenig's nephew slash hitman, had confessed. He revealed who really was pulling the ropes, all in the form of well-kept call logs and text messages.

The backlash of it all reached McGraw Byrne's founding partner. The same form of proof exposed Sadie's hand on the Koenig class action suit, as well as her involvement in tipping off authorities to paint Marcus Sharpe as Aliana's murderer. The intent was to veer suspicion away from Koenig, making thousands of dollars along the way.

Alex had completely unraveled the conspiracy, with the help of Aislinn and Gigi. Beau, surprisingly, was more than participative. But it was obvious for everyone at the firm who led the crackdown, and it didn't take long for recognition to come to pass.

In everyone else's eyes, she emerged the winner.

And now, when all is said and done, there was nothing to escape to.

Alex can no longer disassociate herself from the sight of the gun barrel held by the ghost she tried to forget all these years.

The sound of applause, soured only by Martin Vanderweil's display of pain-in-the-ass arrogance, should have made her want to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Instead, here she was, wallowing with herself to be overcame by old bad habits.

What happened in the library was etched in her mind, clear as day. The memory of that close encounter with death, being brought up to life by the lack of distractions, made her shudder.

Every waking hour was consumed by the man with the haunting blue eyes that meant death. Those same eyes from the past that suffocated her for so long.

A decade spent running away from them, yet they still caught up with her.

She worked so hard not to remember, not to let it bring her down, for it not to be her end game. She's at the top of the fucking career ladder, yet why can't she still have a sense of freedom?

Everything just felt wrong. She felt out of place.

Lost in her frustrations, she didn't hear the whirring of the elevator and the approaching footsteps that followed.

"Thought I'd find you here," Gabe said, stopping inches away from her.

It took everything of her not to swivel and look at him, opting to curse at herself for how her body quickly relaxed by the softness of his voice.

The storm clouding her mind instantly dissipated, leaving her bare. Gabe's presence made the oceans within her stand still, as if awaiting to be stirred.

"Didn't want to be found," she mumbled, closing her lips on the still burning stick of nicotine. Alex struggled to keep her gaze steady at the slowly darkening skyline.

I know. Gabe wanted to say. He knew that finding her here, seeking out the comfort of isolation screamed her desire to be left alone. He had seen her internal turmoil, hiding behind the air of stoicism she projected for everyone else.

That's why he was never more determined to find her. He wanted, no, needed, to be there for her.

Gabe knew he'd been a dick to walk out from her that morning in L.A., right after he admitted what he felt for her.

But there was rarely an opportunity to make it right. Whenever there was, there was no getting through her. No matter how much he tried to reach out, to make her see that he regretted his actions that day, she wouldn't let him in.

He couldn't blame her.

Gabe told himself he'd give her time, to give her space. However, fate had other plans.

He almost lost her that night, and it was a wake up call. When he watched helplessly as Cornell aimed at her, something in him shifted. He's no longer stuck in a limbo questioning who Alex was for him, or why he constantly wanted to be near her, wanting to make everything right.

He was decided to run after her, to stay with her, no matter what. He was done chasing after dreams of the past.

Alex was his future.

"Can't get rid of me easily," he settled on that reply, leaning on the glass railing beside her.

"Really?" she quipped sardonically. "I honestly didn't take you to be the staying type."

That had to sting.

He knew he'd hurt her by leaving, so he deserved that. It wasn't enough to make his resolve waver.

"I am," he insisted. "It just takes me some time to find my footing."

She lifted a hand to him. "Don't go there, Gabe. Just don't - "

"I'm not walking away from you again, Alex," he professed.

She whirled to face him with a look of sullen resignation. "I know."

Deep down, she wanted him too. But not in the fucked-up state she was in. She needed to think, she needed to recover, she needed to get a grip on herself.

But she needed to do it alone.

"I can't deal with us now, it's just.." She sighed. "Everything else that's happened is too overwhelming."

Gabe deflated.

It was the first time he heard her admit defeat. He's gotten used to seeing her fighting every step of the way, that finding her in this state of hopelessness felt alien to him. His chest tightened, hating himself on taking part of what pushed her to breaking point.

"I need to take a step back from everything, Gabe," she said, almost begging. "That includes you."

"What do you mean?"

"Can I to take some time off?" she pleaded, wrapping herself in her own arms. "I have to hit pause for now."

"For how long, Alex?" Gabe's voice was strained. She just made it clear that he wasn't what she needed.

Still he hoped. So he held his breath.

Alex thought quietly for a few moments, before looking back at him in determination. He found a semblance of the Alex he knew.

"A couple of weeks," she answered with a tone of finality.

He didn't want to. But in his heart of hearts, he had to respect her decision. He understood that even the strongest needed to heal. Even the brave Alex Keating.

"I'll arrange it," he relented, closing his fists at his sides to stop himself from reaching out to her. "Anything else?"

She hesitated, biting her lower lip before she continued. "Actually, there is one more thing."

"What is it?" Gabe watched intently as she raised her head to look at him, her mouth curved into that familiar signature smirk that he'd grown to chase after.

"Will you wait for me?"

As per her usual modus operandi, Alex took his breath away by her unpredictability. Almost immediately, Gabe wrapped his arm around her to pull her close. He raised his free hand and let his knuckles brush against her cheek.

He smiled softly, a tad afraid that by holding her this close could break her. And yet, the effect she had on him couldn't be stopped from spilling out, as if it was what he wanted to say all along.

"I've waited my whole life for you, so what's a few more weeks?"

Alex beamed at him, relieved. "I knew you'll be up for the challenge."

"Because I care about you, Alex," he whispered.

"I care about you too."

Alex then dared to take it forward.

Before he had the chance to move away, she tiptoed and surprised him with a tender kiss on the cheek.

Gabe wasn't able to react as quickly, the contact catapulting his senses. Just as his mind plunged back to the ground, she was already walking away, the clicking of her black heels syncopating along with the beating drum inside his chest.

His sight followed her until she stood by herself in the employee elevator, her brown-eyed gaze melting him with earnest affection. As the doors shut closed, so did the heart of Gabriel Ricci.

It shut down in anticipation of her return.

**

Two months later

Mind hazy and craving for Chinese food, Gabe had asked the driver to take a quick detour.

He had just flown from Los Angeles, spending two weeks to assist on a big hotel chain M&A. He got out of LaGuardia at around 10pm, and now his jet lag and empty stomach were taking its toll on him.

The car stopped at the familiar block, and he got out of the vehicle, grabbing his suitcase. He walked the rest of the way, enjoying the craziness of New York City on a Friday night.

For a minute, it reminded him of her.

He heard rumors of her coming back, but HR had been heftily secretive on all things concerning her. With the firm fidgety over Vanderweil's recent harassment lawsuits, he erred on the safe side and didn't poke further.

It didn't take long for him to find Hoi On. Once inside, he greeted the servers in flawless Cantonese, striding straight to the counter.

As he gave his order, the kitchen crew brought out a bag of hunger-inducing takeout box. He was almost tempted to bargain for it instead of waiting for another 20 minutes. Until...

"Order complete for Alex!"

Gabe froze.

His senses were instantly filled by the familiar scent of coffee and vanilla and the echoing beat of heels hitting the floor.

There was no doubt about who was approaching the counter.

He found her standing beside him, the woman he'd missed every single day since he saw her last. The powerhouse junior partner with the easy smile and confident aura.

The woman whose return Gabe eagerly waited for.

"So," Alex began. "I take it tinsel town's fusion of cuisines can't match authentic Brooklyn takeout?" she teased, smiling at him in the same red dress she wore the first time she walked into his office.

He looked down over her - closely looking at the tiny changes in her features. Regardless, she looked more beautiful, taking note of the longer, loose tendrils of brunette hair framing her face.

"No," Gabe shook his head in amazement, his lips breaking into a lopsided grin. "Everything else couldn't compare."

She chuckled. The radiance of her laughter showed Gabe she was really back, and that she was finally ready.

"I bet they couldn't," she winked.

In an instant, Gabe's heart awoke from its slumber. It's as if it knew that this time, the wait was over.

The chase has come full circle.

Author's Notes: This may be the end of this series, but Alex & Gabe will return.

How did you find it? Let me see in your comments/reblogs! Thank you! 💖

Tag list: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @latinagiraffe @sarcastic01lily  @spookycolorpeanut @ophrookie @suitfer @thegreentwin @mkatschoicesblog @made-of-roses @lillijill @kachrisberry @weaving-in-words @peonierose @wanderingamongthewildflowers

@choicesficwriterscreations @lawsofattractionfanfiction