#*uncomfortable to others i mean. and by others i mean other sysmates usually

[euclydya]

system/headspace ramblings below

a couple nights ago (or last night. idr exactly) Allan and I were cofronting alone for the first time in a Bit and I was like. "I missed you fronting with me but also kind of didn't. Like I wasn't Glad u weren't fronting with me but I wasn't Anxious that u were gone. I feel bad abt that I also feel like I've been Cheating on u somehow by cofronting w Steve so much. I'm sorry ??? :("

And they're like "First off it's ok to have friends (especially in-sys) outside of me you Dumbass. second off the fact that you naturally drifted towards one of the dudes who's Generally Got Common Sense is so goddamn funny bc I naturally started cofronting with Eddie more and I just realized why. It's because they both remind us of each other."

which is honestly SO FUNNY TO ME,

[mystic-sanctuary]

A (Hopefully) Helpful Guide to Syskids

A very quick disclaimer here: This is based on my own experiences as a Caretaker with the kids we have had and currently have within our own system. Some of, or even many of these things may not hold true for other systems.

Written by; Bronya (Admin, Archivist, Caretaker)

[GUIDE BELOW THE CUT.] [WARNING: VERY VERY LONG.]

Topics covered below;

Some Miscellaneous Basics

Getting to know your SysKid

Caring for your SysKid

Caring for your SysKid - Headspace Specifics

Navigating SysKids and Trauma

Okay, with that out of the way! Dealing with SysKids can be challenging, just like dealing with outside children, though with a few extra challenges because these children are in a system and that can make just about anything challenging at times!

Each SysKid can bring their own unique challenges, so there's no real "every SysKid can be handled like [x]" type situation here. The very first step to learning how to care for your SysKid(s), however, is to get to know them!

Their interests, their dislikes, and for lack of better phrasing, their maturity level. Do not expect your SysKids to always be 100% like their age group. Remember, they have a much older brain now, so for example, your 4 year old SysKid may have a wider understanding of things than, say, a bodily 4 year old might. That doesn't mean they won't still react to those things like a 4 year old would, though! Another 4 year old SysKid, however, may be a lot more similar to a bodily 4 year old. There's no way to tell for sure until you interact with and get to know them!

Our system is both Polyfragmented and Gateway, which means I have seen many SysKids come and go, and we currently have quite a few as well!

Some of them behave more like their age group than others, some seem to fluctuate between an age group (for example, one of them is in the 4-6 range). Some SysKids are nonverbal or some form of altverbal.

Unless otherwise specified by your SysKid, it's absolutely okay to treat your SysKid like an outside kid- as long as you aren't rude or patronizing about it. Yes, I know, "why would I be that way to a kid", but unfortunately I've seen this happen.

Syskids also have their own various boundaries and capabilities. We have a few SysKids who are able and allowed to front alone, provided we are at home.

This isn't plausible for everybody, of course, due to various personal situations the system may have at home, and not all SysKids are able to front on their own anyway.

There are also systems who cannot control their switches which can lead to a SysKid in front alone, and to all of you, you are not a bad person for ""letting this happen"", it isn't your fault if you can't control your switches. Tips for you& include leaving notes for your SysKid if need be (we have a personal discord server we often use for this, for example, which has exclusively us in it), or letting close, trusted friends know about the SysKid in advance so they can help if they're able and needed.

In the case of the two SysKids we allow to front on their own, we know they are responsible/"mature" enough to follow the rules we've set for them without needing to be reminded/regularly enforced/etc.

These rules are pretty basic and by large focused entirely upon their safety: Who they can and can't talk to, discord servers they can and can't talk in, websites we know are safe for them vs websites we aren't sure about or know have inappropriate ads on them that occasionally manage to worm their way past our adblockers.

We also make sure they know, at all times, SysMates they can pull to front or call for help when or if they need it. For us, this includes myself, the Protectors, and a few others who are either Caretakers or have good parental or caretaker-y inclinations. This is something that, while they've both teasingly told us we don't have to keep reminding them of, we often keep reminding them of before or while they front.

"So, how do I get to know my SysKid(s)?"

Find out what they're interested in and spend time with them! Spending time with SysKids is very important, in my experiences. This may include playing with them in headspace, depending on your systems headspace situation, or even watching movies with them while fronting together!

Some SysKids may be shy- they may open up more as they get comfortable around you, but they also might not! If your SysKid is shy, you may need to approach them with more caution and gentleness than other SysKids might require. Some SysKids may not adjust as quickly as others to their new surroundings, either.

Think of... Getting a new pet, for example. They don't know you, your home is new to them, and that can scare them. You have to get them to warm up to you slowly; no rushed movements and soft attempts to initiate play times, etc.

Running with this same analogy, some new pets don't have a problem with any of that, and are in fact just excited to see all their new surroundings and meet all the new people around them!

SysKids have as much variation! For explanation on why I went with this analogy, I know a lot of folks do not have experience with children outside of Systems, for any number of reasons (not having younger siblings, never babysitting for others, etc.) and getting a new SysKid can be just as unique and even as challenging an experience as getting a new pet!

"How can I care for my SysKid?"

One SysKid can have a different set of needs than another, so the answer to this question can vary quite heavily. However, a few examples I can give are:

1. Spending time with them! This can range from coloring together to watching a movie with them! If you live with another system who has SysKids or live with somebody who is comfortable interacting with SysKids, you could even arrange playdates with them.

2. Giving them snacks or treats while they're in front, or even in headspace if your headspace functionality allows for this. Everybody's headspace is different, and some don't have a headspace at all, so this may not be possible outside of front and that's okay!

3. Like the above, depending on your systems headspace situation, this one may not be possible outside of front. However, this one also depends on your SysKid! Some SysKids can get grumpy after a little while without sleep. If you have multiple SysKids, this can get a bit challenging because you'll be trying to arrange multiple naps at once- not everybody is going to want to lay down at the same time.

4. Depending on your systems communication and the verbality of your SysKid (we have a kid who can only say one word, for example), you can also ask your Kiddo what they need or would like to do.

Obviously with this one, you may have to use your own judgement. We've all been kids at one time or another, and SysKids are often no exception to the "wanting to do things they see 'big kids' doing" mindset.

And of course, as with any SysMate, do not force your SysKid out of their comfort zone. This can be damaging to any SysMate (and your relationship with them), so of course it can be just as much if not more so with SysKids. If it's a situation where it's something the body needs that the SysKid is uncomfortable doing and your fronting situation allows you to: do it yourself or have another SysMate do it unless your SysKid has expressed wanting to become more comfortable with whatever it is.

For example, several of our SysKids are uncomfortable with things like going to the bathroom! That can seem like a weird, simple thing they "should be able to do", but keep in mind they are a child and your body isn't. That's a big difference! We are typically able to do fairly fluid switches, so we are able to switch the SysKid out of the "Main Seat" so to speak to do this for them, or "with" them if they've said they want to be more comfortable with it.

"What about in headspace? Do I need to watch them all the time? When should I check on them? Etc."

For me personally, I'm usually with most of our SysKids a good portion of the time. Of course, some of them have other SysMates they'd rather be with most of the time or spend time with sometimes, and that's okay too!

We usually try to keep an older SysMate with all our SysKids, but depending on your headspace, this might not be absolutely necessary.

For us, our headspace is not only incredibly large (an entire world in it's own right, at this point), but dangerous. Even a lot of older SysMates use the buddy system when traveling outside the main city just in case they run into more dangers at once than expected.

If your headspace is safe enough for your SysKid to be alone, it's still a good idea to check in on them! How often you should check on them probably depends on your SysKid's age and how they behave! For example, particularly chaotic SysKids may need to be checked in on more than SysKids who aren't quite so chaotic, just to make sure they aren't getting themselves into any trouble.

If your SysKid is usually fairly loud and there's a period of silence, that'd be a good time to check on them! If your SysKid is usually pretty quiet, you may need to use your own judgement for when to check on them! For example, you might be anxious about leaving them alone if they're pretty quiet, so maybe you'll feel more comfortable checking on them every 5-10 minutes or so.

And of course, if you hear them getting angry or crying, etc. that would definitely be a good time to check on them! Chances are they tripped while playing, can't get a toy to do what they want it to/can't figure out how to get it to do what they want to, or even messed up something they were drawing or coloring.

Personally, when I'm leaving our SysKids momentarily unsupervised for any number of reasons, I check on them anywhere from every 5-15 minutes, varying depending on amount of noise they're making and what kind of noises they're making, but it's important to keep in mind that I'm watching several SysKids at any given time!

To help myself stay organized, and because we have an entire city so this was a plausible option for me, I run a sort of kindergarten-daycare type thing within headspace! All our SysKids have an older SysMate they live with, and not all of them need or are interested in keeping up with any sort of solid education within headspace, so it more or less functions as both!

It's also possible your SysKid might not want to be left alone at all, maybe just at first while they adjust or even indefinitely, and that's okay too! A lot of kids don't like being left by themselves. In this situation, having them hang around another SysMate they like would be a good idea if you aren't sure who to put your SysKid with in this case.

In any case, if you are checking in on your SysKid, it's important to remember that you're not just making sure they're okay! Seeing you check in on them, whether you say this or not, reminds them that you're there for them and to help them/to care for them.

It's also important to remember that your SysKid might try to convince you to sit and color or play with them for a while during one of these check-ins! If you have the time to sit with them for even just a few minutes, I recommend it! It might not seem like much, but in my experience it often means a lot to them and can strengthen your bond with them.

"How do I navigate SysKids and Trauma?"

This can be challenging. Whether it's your systems own traumas, the SysKid getting stuck in front with somebody in a bad state of mind (it happens! front can be finnicky and disagreeable at times, even for those of us who can usually control their switches), your SysKid having ExoTraumas of their own, or even your SysKid being a Trauma Holder!

An important thing to remember in these situations is that, despite the trauma, your SysKid is still a kid! They may not fully understand the trauma they're experiencing (or witnessing). It can be hard to explain things to them if they're asking about it, and you may not even feel comfortable explaining it to them. In this case, it's absolutely okay to try and boil it down in a way a kid might understand- like adults often try to do with bodily kids.

Obviously, Trauma can be likely to stress your SysKid out pretty heavily. Like with older SysMates, coping skills will be helpful for them. Because this is a kid, these coping skills may be pretty different. It can include giving them their comfort item if they have one (for example, a favorite blanket or doll), playing their favorite movie and watching it with them, holding them while they're scared or upset, and comforting them (I usually go with soft "shh" noises and "it's okay", while reminding them that I'm here for them and they aren't alone. Also, just listening to them the same way you would a friend! They may not make as much sense in some cases, but they appreciate having an ear just as much!)

In the case of systems with trauma, avoiding putting your SysKid in situations you know triggers the rest of you because of that trauma as best you can is a good idea!

For a personal example, due to one of our own traumas, we are very Hydrophobic. Things like Showers and Baths are nearly impossible for us most days, and we never get out of them without anxiety attacks or bad dissociation. So even the SysKids who have said they "don't mind" taking a shower or bath through the body do not get to do this.

Some days we have a hard time even drinking water, so on those days we either make sure whatever we're drinking isn't water when the SysKid/s front, or we don't let them front that day.

Again, we are usually fairly in control of our switches, so this works for us, but things may be more complicated to navigate for other systems depending on the nature of their trauma/s and fronting capabilities.

Since that is not our situation, I will not try to make assumptions for how you can navigate your situation if this is how things are for you- given more information, I could certainly try to give you advice, however this is a random tumblr post, and I almost definitely do not know most of those reading this!

Ending notes!

For now this is all I really have, though I can always edit or reblog with more at a later date if need be! If you read this far and have any questions or comments, you're welcome to leave a message on this post, send us a DM, or drop an ask in our inbox! We have Anon turned on as well, for anybody who gets anxious about asks that are off-anon, etc.

[x-rds]

Hello, we are the Crossroads System, or “XRDS” for short. We are a multiple system, traumagenic, but we do not tolerate any exclusion of endogenic/nontraumagenic systems and we all have different thoughts about the nature of our systemhood.

This blog is mostly reblogs of aesthetics, random thoughts and ideas, mental health and self help, etc, though we sometimes post our own thoughts as well.

We follow back from an art blog!

==BEFORE YOU FOLLOW==

‼️Please refrain from following if you are physically a minor. We appreciate your interest in our blog but it makes us uncomfortable. ‼️

We do not tolerate:

Exclusion of endogenic / nontraumagenic / etc systems

Ace/pan/bi exclusion

Bigoted views towards anyone for race, sexuality, gender, religion, disability, neurodivergency, etc

TERFs or anyone acting like them even if not identifying as them

Any implication that being a man or being attracted to men is bad/impure/disappointing

Any insistence that Queer is inappropriate for people to identify with

Sexual harassment/inappropriate sexual interaction

We are:

Physically adult, and most of us are adults in headspace

Collectively nonbinary and transgender, collectively Queer, collectively alterhuman

Physically intersex and transitioning as transmasc

Neurodivergent in various ways, and physically disabled in various ways

Mostly fictives, and mostly deviant from ‘canon’

Terms we use:

“Headmate” “sysmate” “member”

“Facet” (regarding our median subsystem states, not for members who are not median)

“Headspace” “inner world” “inworld”

“Exomemories” or just “memories”

Please refrain from referring to us as “alters” “personalities” or “parts”, from calling what memories we introjected with “pseudomemories”

We may use the term “alters” on occasion in reference to ourselves for various reasons but we don’t identify with it and don’t want others to use it for us

Blog content

We tag “#syscourse” but try not to post it much/get into it with others (we mostly reblog takes from others explaining why we feel the way we do rather than getting into arguments)

Mentions of abuse are tagged “#abuse //“ (we may change this, if so we will update this post)

Members tag their posts with “(name)txt/img/log” ex: staticlog, crowtxt, andyimg; overall content is sysimg, systxt, and xrdslog - if you don’t want to see stuff from one of us for whatever reason feel free to block those

Gender, orientation, and other pride flags/terms are tagged as “xrdshoard”

Be aware that we reblog (positive/joking about ourselves) things with the “f slur” in them from time to time untagged

Please note that we do not use tone indicators (such as /s, /hj, /pos, and so on). We try to stay aware of their meanings as best as we can, but they are often overwhelming or confusing to us due to our memory problems and we likely will not fully understand them. If we misinterpret something (tagged with a tone indicator or otherwise) or you are unsure of one of our posts, feel free to contact us to clear it up!

==XRDS==

Not all of us front and we aren’t sure who all is around, but the usual squad is:

*NOTE: this is outdated as hell. We are working on a website because there’s not enough images per post for intros. So bear with us!

LIO (formerly STATIC)

It/Its // Ae/Aem/Aes // He/Him

Transmasc Agender MLM/NBLNB

Adult (mid 20s)

OC fictive (The World Ends With You)

System Ambassador/Archivist

Has median internal subsystem of a bunch of facets which are kind of like kintypes but ramped up to 500% and slightly detached

I write for us most often and front most often

Minor death god

"You're milk boy" - my friend Gideon upon meeting me

———

JOSHUA

He/Him // Ne/Nym

Nonbinary something or other that vaguely resembles a man, gay something or other

Adult (specific age unknown but older than most of us)

Fictive (The World Ends With You)

Lio’s insys husband

Depressed bastard

Minor death god slightly less minor than Lio

———

GORO/CROW

He/Him

Maybe trans, definitely gay

Adult (early 20s) (24 as of October 2022)

Fictive (Persona 5) (*he likes Royal more but he isn’t from that canon)

Lio and Josh’s adopted son

Likes attention and has many fursonas

———

KOHA

He/Him

Intersex gender-apathetic catboy, gay

Adult (mid 20s) (26 as of February 2020)

Fictive (FFXIV)

Haurchefant’s fiancé

Does not talk verbally much despite fronting incredibly often; mostly sends emotions, so we will transcribe on his behalf usually

———

LOKI

It/Its

Transmasc Agender, pan

Adult (age unknown)

Fucktive conglomerate of goth fashion, various pop culture references to the Norse god Loki, and maybe also the Egyptian god Set, we aren’t sure what’s happening with it

Memelord

Lith’s thingfriend (term for partner)

———

ANDY

He/Him

The Cis One (TM), bi

Adult (30s)

Dragon Age postfictive (really wants nothing to do with his source if he can help it)

Grumpy but his heart is in the right place, loves cats

Kravitz’s boyfriend

———

Featuring occasional posts from the less common fronters:

———

RAYNE

Fae/Faer/Faen // They/Them

Xenogender of various flavors, aroace

Minor (16ish but also simultaneously an immortal fae)

Has median internal subsystem

Lio’s twin sibling

Shapeshifter light fae

———

KRAVITZ

He/Him

Some sort of nonbinary, gay

Adult (older than most of us)

Fictive (TAZ Balance) but he’s mostly moved beyond that and turned into a furry and self inserts in other things a lot

Andy’s partner

———

MEIS

She/Her // Vi/Vir/Virs // They/Them

Transfem demigirl

Adult (late 20s)

Fictive (Promare)

Loves sharks and seals a lot

———

ODD

He/Him

???, gay

Adult (age ???)

Tabletop character fictive, tiefling warlock

Big fan of metalworking and jewelrymaking

———

LITH

He/Him

Trans man, gay

Adult (early 20s)

Cyberpunk tabletop fictive

Loki’s boyfriend

———

HAURCHEFANT

He/Him

Cis+ guy, pan

Adult (late 20s)

FFXIV fictive

Koha’s fiancé

———

ZACH

He/Him // They/Them

Unknowable eldritch Angel gender, unknowable eldritch Angel sexuality

Adult (unknowable eldritch Angel age)

Kinda a fictive from the game Off but he absorbed some weird stuff and now he’s an Angel in the scary way. He’s chill though

Shows up so rarely we used to be unsure if he was even here really but his presence is unmistakeable

———

TETSU

He/Him

Cis guy who might actually be straight, we don’t really know yet

Adult (mid 20s)

More or less a factive but he sees it as being more of a ‘psychological imprint of someone’ than him actually being his source person

Literally just here to vibe

———

MINERVA

She/Her

Probably a woman but too focused on her job inworld to care about things like gender or orientation

Adult (age unknown)

Not an introject, but she does have a sword and might be a dragon sometimes

———

DEVO

He/Him // It/Its

Trans guy, probably gay but he’s not sure if his thing for older women is real or if he’s projecting something

Adult (23 as of October 2022)

Fictive (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea)

Has a fursona that’s a horrifying angel creature (affectionate)

———

NEKU

He/Him

Bisexual maybe-nonbinary Guy

Early 20s

Fictive (The World Ends With You)

Literally just chilling and vibing

———

BEAT

He/Him

Gay trans man

Early 20s

Fictive (The World Ends With You)

Hangs with Neku mostly

———

HUNTER

He/Him

Bisexual ??? Guy (whether or not he is trans is: complicated)

18 as of May 2023

Fictive (The Owl House)

Guy with anxiety who is experiencing the horrors

———

Image credits:

hellosunnycore/alohasushicore // cinnasmores // wervty