#*thinking only about 70-s party spy*

[honeysparklesmash]

Spy, but he's guy from song which I can't get out of my head (Studio Killers' "Eros and Apollo")

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hey! I love your meta’s, a little while ago you talked about The Order of the Phoenix as an organization could you talk about the Death Eaters?

The post anon is referencing.

TL;DR the Order is incompetently hilarious and Dumbledore is a man who trusts no one.

Oh, the Death Eaters, what to say about the Death Eaters...

In a World Without Voldemort, They'd Probably Be Arsonists

One of the things JKR implies in the series, and something fandom seems to take for granted, is that Tom Riddle is the ultimate corrupting influence.

Were it not for him, the Wizarding World would be a much better place, and people like Bellatrix LeStrange would be productive members of society.

As soon as he is killed, even, by Harry, the good guys win, their problems all presumably solved, and Harry tells his son Albus Severus that it's totally fine if he's put into Slytherin.

I don't believe that though.

To me, it's not so much that Tom Riddle corrupted these people, but that he gave them an organized cause. The people themselves, oh, they were itching for a fight.

In a world without Tom I think they'd be a loosely, poorly organized, group (probably with Bellatrix as the ring leader) where they commit acts of domestic terrorism probably involving burning offensive shops to the ground or attacking muggleborns, halfbloods, and blood traitors.

Voldemort, to me, is designed to pander to them (and not the other way around).

The Death Eaters' Beginnings

So, first off, I think Tom's goals are not what he says they are. What he represents to his followers is exactly what they want to hear, wrapped in a grandiose theatric bow that they just love.

But how did this all start?

First, I don't believe in the Knights of Walpurgis. Instead I think Tom came relatively out of nowhere in the 70's uses parseltongue to prove his heritage as the Heir of Slytherin and thus of purer blood than any of them.

He throws these exciting rallies/parties that the rebellious, angsty, teenage heirs all go to. There he says everything they wanted to hear in the most eloquent manner they've ever heard, promises them the action that their fathers have never delivered, promises them a role in the glorious revolution and a place in history, and probably offers them mounds of cocaine.

All the Death Eaters we see, or the core of them, appear to be in this age range where they'd be in Hogwarts or just out of it when Voldemort came knocking. I can imagine they're all whipped up with excitement, YEAH LET'S BLOW UP THE MUDBLOODS and for some that's great, for others... things don't go the way they expected.

October 31, 1981: It All Falls Apart

Regulus famously steals Tom's horcrux. I imagine it wasn't so much that he learned the error of his ways but that he saw what Tom Riddle was really after: the destruction of his very society.

Lucius is riding high until October 31, 1981 and he sees the complete destruction of the entire Black family. Lucius' priorities greatly shift and as he grows older he prays Voldemort never returns. Unfortunately, Tom does, and he charges interest.

Bellatrix absolutely loses her mind, refuses to accept reality, and tries to torture the Longbottoms for information they do not possess. She is imprisoned in Azkaban and never truly recovers from this.

Snape ends up the cause of death for Lily Evans and must forever live with the guilt and be tied to her prophesied son. He also becomes Dumbledore's lackey forever, which ultimately gets him killed.

Point being, no one's having a good time. Some because they figure out being a Death Eater wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and others because they had the Voldemort rug pulled out from under their feet when Tom Riddle disappears.

Pettigrew flees and lives as the Weasley rat for nearly fifteen years.

They're left making a mad scramble as they try to pick up the pieces of their lives.

Canon Catches Up

More than ten years go by and then suddenly, in a muggle graveyard, the surviving Death Eaters discover that they are bound to Voldemort for the rest of their lives.

Death cannot stop this man and he has branded them: there's no escape.

Some are still enthusiastic supporters of the cause: Bellatrix is vindicated that her lord has returned, he rescues her from hell on earth, and everything's finally coming up Bella. Barty is similar in actively working for Voldemort's resurrection.

Lucius, meanwhile, lives in constant terror. Karkaroff desperately flees the country and hopes Tom will not find him. Snape, is in fact, Dumbledore's agent. Pettigrew only returned in utter desperation and has now cut off his own hand.

They're not the young men they were, some of them have families, to some of the past ten years have been utterly miserable. They have to watch as their children make the same damn mistakes they did, be sucked into this same hell hole, and there's nothing they can do about it.

There is a notable reluctance for the cause, and yet, they have to try with the same vigor or this madman will kill them all.

And it's all worthless anyway: come 1998, Voldemort dies again (perhaps for real this time, who knows, Harry Potter seems to think so for whatever reason) and then they are imprisoned for their acts as Death Eaters.

And they just laugh, because how badly Lucius wishes he could go back in time and tell his eighteen-year-old self, "YOU DUMB FUCK, LEAVE NOW!"

But Do They Learn Anything?

No.

Just because we see some of them regret being Death Eaters doesn't mean they regret their beliefs. Their beliefs were fine, even blowing up people here and there, a bit gauche but fine.

But maybe following Voldemort blindly was a bad idea.

Are They More Competent Than the Order?

No.

Tom Riddle is terrifyingly competent in that he infiltrates the government with ease, has spies everywhere, and all but proclaims himself minister one day and nobody blinks.

He gains the full support of most of the wizarding world's wealthiest and prestigious families.

But he doesn't actually give these people anything to do. Because there's nothing for them to do, with them, Tom's won. He owns the Wizengamot, the Ministry, everything.

There's no need to fight. It's over, there never was a war. Society is primed to accept Tom Riddle as their ruler.

However, the likes of Bellatrix LeStrange thinks there's a glorious war on, so "uh, go out and blow up a few muggles, have fun." And the young Death Eaters (and the older ones), think they've committed this great, daring, brave, and very important act.

Tom only seems to hand out real assignments when in desperate straits or else when being particularly vindictive.

Lucius, after messing up with the diary, is told to retrieve a prophecy he is not allowed to touch in a department of the ministry he should have no access to. If he fails: Tom kills his entire family. When Lucius does fail, Tom assigns his son to assassinate an already dying Dumbledore. These aren't real tasks, though they do have the appearance of one, and consequences for failure.

Barty, Tom is forced to rely on, as he is trapped in this dying infant's body. And better Barty, someone who is truly loyal and seems fairly clever, than Peter Pettigrew who is a miserable scum bag who'd sell his grandmother for a bar of soap.

Barty, of course, fucks this up. Rather than just kidnap Harry Potter at any of the many easy points this could be done (Hogsmeade trip, lure Harry out to Hogsmeade with super secret serial information about Voldemort/Snape being a Death Eater, etc.), Barty is determined to make use of the Triwizard Tournament to destroy his father's legacy.

This means rather than a few weeks, it takes months to kidnap Harry, and even then they bring along an extra boy who then gets killed and provides some evidence that Tom Riddle has in fact returned. (Somebody murdered Cedric). It takes months and Barty actively ensuring Harry makes it through the tournament and does well, leaving open the possibility that he might get caught helping Harry cheat at any moment. And of course, Barty has to pretend to be Madeye Moody for months, keeping his man locked and drugged in his trunk.

Thankfully, Moody's such a paranoid wreck, no one even notices.

Quirrell, Tom is forced to rely on. Quirrell fucks up, though admittedly not as badly as Barty. Quirrell fails to steal the stone when it's in transit/in Gringotts. He fails to murder Harry Potter, an eleven year old boy in the world's most dangerous school. He rouses Snape's suspicion almost immediately. Then of course he doesn't get the stone. He at least gets to the room with the stone and nearly overpowers Harry and gets it had he not been mysteriously lit on fire by the power of love/Lily Evans.

The only one Tom ever really relies on by choice is Snape. Snape is charged with spying on Dumbledore and later running Hogwarts (which he fucks up).

There is only one competent man in Britain: Severus Snape. Which is, of course, why he's a double agent that Dumbledore and Tom both extensively rely on despite his being a double agent.

There's no one else.

Tom Riddle doesn't make use of the Death Eaters but given they prove themselves enthusiastically incompetent at every turn I don't blame him. Just pretend to give them something to do and hope it makes them feel important.

That's all I've got in general, you want anything else you'll have to ask for something more specific.

[banchieplaysminecraft]

How Aaron could’ve been a good character and why he wasn’t

I’ve been annoyed at this for a good long while and i’ve finally gotten around to talk about it so here we gooo

please note that, though i watched all of mcd s2 while it was coming out, i haven’t rewatched it all the way through (i’m a little less than halfway through s2) so bear with me

now, we can all agree that we didn’t really have a lot of beef with aaron in s1. was it annoying that aph was keeping secrets?  yes. did we actively enjoy the fact that this random edgelord showed up with all of this convenient information? sure. but did we actively dislike him? i don’t think so

im sure that some people did, but it was a far cry from the universal grudge that we as a fandom hold. the only question is, what changed?

the answer is pretty simple: he got annoying

there is no greater sin that a content creator can commit than to make a character tedious--especially a character that the fans are meant to root for. i once heard someone say that there is no such thing as a good character and a bad character, there are only interesting characters or boring characters

now, before the s1 finale, aaron wasn’t annoying because he made sense. we didn’t know a lot about his backstory, but we knew just enough to not have a lot of questions while also understanding why he as a character worked. he spied on zane, he got information, and he got away with it because, according to every government in existence, he was dead. he was doing it to avenge his village, which seemed to be his reason for doing most things.

 that was basically it, because that was all that we needed. he didn’t answer personal questions because that could reveal his identity, and he didn’t hang around phoenix drop proper because he knew that there was a spy in the village who might figure him out. all in all, he was a very logical character

what changed? his motivation

after the gang sealed zane in the irene dimension, may i ask WHAt the fuck was his reason for staying??? nothing! what was his reason for keeping his identity a secret? pretty much nothing! it made no sense!!

according to all of his characterization as a *~lone wolf~*, it would make the most sense for him to strike out on his own and do whatever the fuck, maybe occasionally popping back in to warn the main characters of some impending doom, maybe hold a giant fuckass sword to someone’s throat again, maybe find some other tyrant to destroy.

but he didn’t, and it made no sense

this was made exponentially worse because he was an ~edgy dark angsty boy with a sad past and a dead wife~ and because he seemed to be able to do no wrong. he rarely, if ever, communicated with the rest of the group, and he often just went out on his own--and yet, most people seemed to trust him unconditionally?? he always seems to show up at the right place and the right time with little to no explanation as to how, and no one ever questions it. sure, laurance and dante had some doubts and even spoke up once or twice, but laurance’s grievances are mostly due to being in love with aph, and literally no one else ever asked anything, despite not even knowing his fucking name

and, of course, everyone thinks that he’s super hot and aphmau falls in love with him and then he dies a tragic death in a moment of self-sacrifice that really wasn’t all that heroic because he left his wife and child behind

i mean, come on

THAT BEING SAID he had soooo muuch potentiaalllllll

LET ME EXPLAIN

during s1, his role in the story was the spy--and he was very good at it, because everyone thought that he was dead!! how are you gonna blame a dead man for anything without sounding crazy! no one knew his name or his face or anything--and they should’ve kept it that way because, surprise!! theyre still at war in s2. sure, it’s a different war, but it’s still! a fucking! war! and like 70% of war is ESPIONAGE and INFORMATION and STRATEGY, havent you ever heard the phrase KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE??? they literally had possibly the best spy that they knew of and instead of actually putting his skills to work he just dramatically leans on trees and sits in the shadows??? WHAT

he clearly had ways to get into high places, since he had somehow gotten his hands on the amulet in s1, and he used to be a lord so he would’ve known things about POLITICS and KINGDOM STUFF--i mean, we all know that aphmau knows jack shit about this world and how it works.

what SHOULDVE HAPPENED IS:

after they all get back to the overworld, he leaves the party. idc if it’s immediately after or if he waits a few days, but he leaves regardless. every once in awhile, we hear of him popping up in various places, and we run into him a few times. he informs the gang of what he’s heard, maybe tags along on some missions. he still shows up in random places the way that he does in canon, but since he’s not based it phoenix drop i think that it makes a bit more sense, and he occasionally pops back into phoenix drop whenever he’s in the area or needs time to rest and recharge, and stays an informant for aphmau & her crew. as things pick up, he slowly becomes a more commonly-seen member of aphmau’s inner circle. 

throughout this whole period, he finally starts to come to terms with the death of his wife & their village, and he slowly starts to share more with the group--nothing big, just details here and there--and he actually starts to develop *gasp* a personality. i’d like to imagine that he gets closer with laurance, dante, and katelyn instead of only ever talking to aphmau. i don’t think that he’s ever super talkative, but he starts to be a little less quiet & closed off. 

at this point, he’s either told them his name or (preferred) they all have a list of nicknames that they cycle through to address him. sooner or later he starts to help with the building of phoenix drop and the alliance, taking on duties that are more akin to his old role as lord. he either phases the espionage out of his schedule or ghostwrites all of the legislation, and falls more easily into his new roles

i don’t really care if he ever ends up with aphmau or not, but if he does then that also happens at some point or another, but i, at least, would no longer be angry at that outcome

However, this whole plot would require everyone in the story to take literally all of their roles in this literal government that they’re building seriously, and we all know that that’s never going to happen, but i can dream /s

Tl;dr, if aaron actually used his strengths and skills to be a useful member of this alliance instead of randomly showin up and dramatically hitting things with his giant fuckoff sword, he’d be so much more tolerable

[weekendwarriorblog]

THE WEEKEND WARRIOR 6/25/21: F9, WEREWOLVES WITHIN, THE ICE ROAD, FALSE POSITIVE, I CARRY YOU WITH ME and More!

Well, June is quickly coming to an end, but that means it’s officially summer. No, for real this time. Summer started June 21, and that means we have the latest attempt to revive the box office, and really, if this doesn’t do it, then we’re sunk. Doomed. It’s over, and Jeff Bock, the Streamer Relations guy, has won. We’re in the endgame now. Go to the movies this weekend, and don’t let Jeff Bock win!

Before we get to the theatrical releases, the 20th Tribeca [formerly Film] Festival ended over the weekend, and it certainly “looked different” as we were reminded every time some local celebrity introduced a movie on the festival’s virtual platform. As far as the movies I saw, a few are mentioned below but generally, the documentaries once again outplayed any of the narrative features, which was pretty much the same with other festivals this year. Besides the Rita Moreno doc that I reviewed last week, I quite enjoyed A-Ha the Movie, a documentary that covers the famous ‘80s “one hit wonders” travails since their first hit album and the ubiquitous “Take on Me.” It’s a great doc that really shows what can happen when you try to keep the band together even when you stop travelling or even talking to each other. Also Bitchin’: The Sound and Fury of Rick James was another great musical doc about a funk/soul singer who I really never knew very much about, so it was quite educational. I also liked 7 Days quite a bit, and that was one of the better narrative films at the fest.

It felt like there were two very different Tribecas. There was one for the elitist journalists who were allowed to attend all the in-person screenings and parties, and there was the one for the rest of us -- where we were just sitting at home watching stuff on our TV sets, just like we did with Sundance and SXSW. And make no mistake, as someone who has been covering Tribeca since Year Two (where I *bought* all my tickets), it definitely felt like I was being pushed aside by the current Tribeca regime who just wants to be seen as something exclusive just for certain people, including as a woke festival catering to the underrepresented (but not really… if that was the case, they would have given free tickets out to people who live in the areas of the city where they set-up their pop-up screenings). I only know a few locals who received the better in-person badge -- pretty much the entire staff at IndieWire, for instance -- but as someone who has covered the festival for years and received a Hudson Pass for the effort, it definitely felt like I don’t really need to cover Tribeca anymore. It’s just not the elite festival it thinks it is, and as far as I’m concerned, it will never be Cannes, it will never be Sundance, and it will never even be SXSW. It continues to be a festival with zero identity that caters to the rich, white New Yorkers that already get special treatment wherever they go. I’m not even sure how much of it even takes place in Tribeca anymore, since the premier location for movie premieres seemed to be at Hudson Yards, which is about four miles North of “Ground Zero,” the area affected by 9/11 that precipitated the need for something like the Tribeca Festival in the first place. I feel that this year’s festival was an even bigger disappointment than last year’s virtual only, but that’s because they’ve finally just given up on the press they don’t feel are worthy of covering them. So yeah, not for me.

It’s hard to believe that F9 (Universal Pictures), the ninth movie in the “Fast Saga.” is finally being released in North America, since I felt like I reviewed it five years ago. Actually, it was only a month ago, but it just seems like forever since I’ve been so busy this month.

In case you have no idea what to expect and wanna know: Vin Diesel is back as Dominic Torreto, and this time we meet another member of his real family, brother Jakob (John Cena), who is now working with the criminal spy organization Cypher. Most of the gang are back, except for Dwayne Johnson’s Agent Hobbs and Jason Statham’s Deckard Shaw, who you may remember went off to make Hobbs and Shaw a few years back. In fact, that last movie was the last movie in the franchise, which was supposed to act as a tie-over between 2017’s Fate of the Furious and F9, which was originally supposed to come out in 2020. Got all that?

Hobbs and Shaw opened with around $60 million in early August, which is generally one of the few weekends in the late summer where a movie could still open big. That was the lowest opening for the franchise in over ten years, because ever since 2009’s Fast & Furious, every single movie has opened over $70 million and closer to $100 million or more. 2013’s Fast and Furious 6 and 2017’s The Fate of the Furious didn’t quite hit a $100 million opening, but still, it’s a pretty good barometer of how big the franchise was in the before-times. James Wan’s Furious 7 still sports the biggest opening with $147 million in early April 2015, hampered by the year-long delay after one of the film’s stars, Paul Walker, died in a car crash a year earlier. Walker’s death may have helped drive audiences to the movie with the same morbid curiosity way as Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight back in 2008. (Furious 7 grossed $353 million domestically, which is also a high watermark for the franchise domestically.)

The Fate of the Furious grossed slightly less than the previous two installments and then Hobbs and Shaw ended up with $173 million, which is nothing to sneeze at… unless your movie ended up costing $200 million, which that one did. We’re talking about very expensive movies here, and one presumes F9 is up there in that $200 million range, but it bodes a couple questions. Was the success of the franchise since Fast 5 mainly due to “franchise Viagra” Dwayne Johnson and was that helped by the addition of Statham? With the two of them gone, does that take away from the movie’s potential or do people like Diesel, Tyrese Gibson’s Roman, Ludacris and the other long-timers like Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster enough to make this an opening weekend must-see?

There might some questions whether theaters in bigger cities like New York and L.A., where F9 would generally do big business, will be as full as normal -- even with full capacity finally being allowed. The other question is whether Universal may have released this movie overseas too far in advance of the States. Think about it. When you start to think about movie piracy and where a lot of that comes from, it goes right to China, and a movie like this at a time like this when people are cautious about running to theaters, well if you walk down the street and someone is selling a copy for 5 bucks, why wouldn’t you buy it? That’s the reason why studios release movies day and date across the globe, or at least they try to. Piracy used to be a big thing hurting the movie business, but that seems to have been forgotten.

Reviews for the movie have been mixed -- I already reviewed the movie over at Below the Line -- but about the same as the last two installments, so those won’t necessarily stop people from going to the movies, since this is a classic summer popcorn movie where it feels like everyone should go see it opening week. Like in the past, F9 will open Thursday night for previews, but it seems to getting more Thursday night previews than normal -- I’ve seen five to six screenings in many locations -- and that might because Universal realizes how important this release is and how many people will be looking to see if it can revive theatrical.

I think I’m going to say that F9 will make around $72 to 74 million this weekend, which takes it back to Fast & Furious days, but I do think audiences will like the movie more than critics, and because of that, the decision to make two more movies will probably be warranted.

I was very excited to see Josh Ruben directing another movie so soon after last year’s Scare Me -- a terrific horror-comedy you can watch on Shudder -- and his latest film, WEREWOLVES WITHIN (IFC Films), based on the Ubisoft game, is just as funny AND scary. It stars Sam Richardson as Finn Wheeler, the new park ranger arriving in the small and remote town of Beaversfield, which seems to have just as much politics and backbiting as the biggest of the cities. He quickly becomes friends with the bubbly postwoman, Cecily (Milana Vayntrub), as she introduces him to the quirky townsfolk… oh, yeah, and there is something brutally mauling them to death.

The premise for Werewolves Within seems fairly simple, and maybe that’s because it is based on a VR game where I assume you have to figure out who is the vampire, so that’s pretty much what’s going on as Finn, Cecily and seemingly the entire town wind up locking themselves up in the Beaversfield Inn trying to figure out who is killing the others. Thankfully, there are more layers built into the ongoing relationships between the townsfolk.

Ruben’s got a lot of things going for his second feature film, the first thing being a super-funny script by Mishna Wolff, but also the amazing cast he put together that not includes Richardson and Vayntrub with some brilliant chemistry but also the likes of Michaela Watkins and Michael Chernus, who can never do wrong in my book. Those two elements alone would make Werewolves Within worthwhile, but Ruben ably takes on the challenges of a much bigger cast than his previous movie and finds a way to keep the viewer constantly on edge and interested in what will happen next, especially to some of the characters who are not as jovial or friendly as Richardson’s Finn.

But what works best about the movie is that there are plenty of unexpected twists, maybe some more obvious than others, and the fact you never really know who might die next or house keeps the movie quite entertaining. It also shows off Ruben’s great skills at combining horror and humor, something that’s very difficult for even the best directors, but when you’ve got it -- as Ruben proved so perfectly with Scare Me -- then you might as well use it to its fullest.

It’s hard to describe how well the humor works without using jokes ala something like Shaun of the Dead, but it’s more of a light-hearted charm that one wouldn’t expect to go so well with the dire situation in which the characters find themselves. It doesn’t hurt that many of the characters are so unlikable that getting their comeuppance adds to that humor. If you’re expecting a lot of werewolf transformations or even werewolves plural, you might be slightly disappointed, but it’s nice that a movie can be its own thing without trying to copy other films in the horror subgenre.

Either way, Ruben is 2 for 2 with his second attempt at comedy-horror, which ventures just far enough away from Scare Me to make me think that he’ll continue to be a great voice in the much-maligned and hard-to-muster horror subgenre.

Werewolves Within just debuted at the Tribeca Festival, and it will be released in theaters this Friday and then be On Demand and Digital starting July 2. I’ll also have an interview with Josh Ruben over at Below the Line a little later today, too, so check that out!

Not getting a theatrical release in the United States unfortunately is Jonathan Hensleigh’s THE ICE ROAD (Netflix), starring Liam Neeson as a truck driver in Winnipeg, whose special skill is driving that truck across the frozen lake up north. When a diamond mine collapses in the very north side of Canada, it’s up to him and a crew of other ice truckers to drive their big rigs across the frozen lake to save the men trapped in the mine.

I quite liked this movie that definitely marks a return of Hensleigh to some of those great action movies he wrote in the ‘90s, like Die Hard with a Vengeance, but this is also a significantly better action movie than some of the ones he’s directed, like the 2004 The Punisher. The sad fact is that I’ve been pretty disappointed with Neeson’s recent film choices, particularly in the last year when disappointments like The Honest Thief and The Marksman managed to get theatrical releases even during the pandemic. The Ice Road is a much better movie, maybe because Hensleigh wrote and directed it himself, but also he had much better source material in the docuseries, Ice Road Truckers, and he clearly did his research into these 18-wheelers on these dangerous trips across iced-over lake that could crack at any time. Hensleigh uses this idea well to tell a story where much of the movie takes place on that dangerous ice.

There are elements to the story that might not work quite as well, such as the decision to have Neeson’s brother Gurty (Marcus Thomas) be suffering from such horrible PTSD that it makes him almost a bigger hindrance than a help on the trip. On the other hand, the movie does have the always great Laurence Fishburne in a smaller role and the real breakout has to be Amber Midthunder, the bad-ass Indigenous Tantoo who proves that she can drive as well as the guys. I also found that Hensleigh’s use of the corporation as the ultimate antagonist in sending these truckers to their potential deaths more for the money than to actually save lives works well to add to what would have been a simple rescue mission.

The Ice Road is a pretty solid (ugh, bad pun) action-thriller that has some elements of other similar movies but then really throws the viewer for a loop with the amazing on-ice truck driving stunt work, that keeps one invested while really putting it ahead of some of Neeson’s other recent action fare.

You can read my interview with Hensleigh over at Below the Line.

Next up are two very different movies that played at the 20th Tribeca Festival over the past week

Heidi Ewing’s I CARRY YOU WITH ME (Sony Pictures Classics) finally gets a theatrical release after getting its Oscar qualifying run way back in December and premiering at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2020! Based on the true story of Mexican immigrant lovers Ivan and Gerardo, who travel from Mexico to New York City and are reunited after decades apart and many struggles to rekindle their romance.

This is an interesting movie for Ewing, best known for her award-winning docs like Jesus Camp, because it’s not an easy story to tell or movie to make, covering a span of decades, and using flashbacks to tell the individual stories of how these two men discovered their homosexuality while surrounded by a toxic culture who hates them for loving each other. We meet Iván as he’s cooking in a Mexican restaurant in New York before we flashback to Pablo, Mexico in 1994 when he’s younger (and played by Armando Espitia), married with a young son, but when he meets Gerardo (Christian Vázquez) at a gay club and the two click, he’s put in a place where he has to keep his sexuality hidden if he doesn’t want to lose his son. As the romance blossoms, Ivan realizes that he needs to go to America if he really wants his culinary skills (he even went to school) to be used, because in Pablo, he’s relegated to being a dishwasher.

Ivan decides to make the dangerous trek across the border with his best friend Sandra (Michelle Rodríguez -- not the one in F9) with the promise to return to Gerardo. Things don’t necessarily go as planned but decades later they’re reunited, and struggle to make it in New York City as restaraunteurs. As you watch their story unfold, you can fully understand why Ewing might want to tell this story, co-writing the script with Alan Page Arriaga, but there are still elements of documentary in this narrative beautifully shot by Cinematographer Juan Pablo Ramírez AMC.

Unfortunately, those elements of documentary are what really confused me, because there are moments in the present day when the real Ivan and Gerardo are playing themselves, but then there are times when the two main actors are made up to look older, and I couldn’t really figure out what was happening at times, maybe due to some of the more dream-like nature of the storytelling.

Even so, Ewing has created a terrific character piece and quite a warm and wondrous love story, even if it’s plagued by violence and discrimination due to their roots and their homosexuality. I couldn’t help but think that I might have liked Moonlight more if it wasn’t told in such a linear fashion, separated into three chapters. By using the flashbacks to keep the viewer fully focused on what’s happening, Ewing creates something more on par with Cuaron’s Y Tu Mama Tambien that feels just as authentic as if Ewing were a gay Mexican herself.

Probably the weakest part is the second act where we watch Ivan trying to get to America, because that’s been done in so many other movies, including Cary Joji Fukunaga’s earlier film, Sin Nombre, and that feels a little less unique or special compared to the rest of the duo’s story.

It’s a shame that I Carry You With Me wasn’t able to build any awards traction, partially due to Covid and the long gap between festival appearances. Either way, it proves that Ewing is a lot more than a “mere” documentary filmmaker, able to mix those skills with that of a sharp narrative filmmaker with a keen eye for storytelling. This is a particularly strong character piece and a beautiful love story based on two real men, unlike anything I’ve seen in recent memory.

Honestly, I’ve given up on figuring what Sony Classics is doing in terms of their theatrical releases. I guess this could be opening in New York and Los Angeles or in more cities. I have no idea, because no one tells me anything. But I also wanted to share the review by my friend J. Don Birnam that he wrote out of the New York Film Festival last year. He has reasons to be able to connect with this material much more than I can, which is probably why his review is so damn good: http://splashreport.com/nyff-film-review-i-carry-you-with-me-an-inspiring-story-of-triumph-by-rarely-depicted-peoples/

Not quite as good is John Lee’s horror-thriller FALSE POSITIVE (Hulu/A24), starring Ilana Glazer from Broad City, who also cowrote the screenplay with Lee. It’s a very different non-comedic role for Glazer in which she plays Lucy, a pregnant woman, who finds her pregnancy turned into a nightmare, as she puts herself in the hands of the nefarious ob/gyn Dr. John Hindle, played by the great Pierce Brosnan, who happened to be her husband’s (Justin Theroux) medical teacher.

Man, did I want to like this psychological thriller, because I think Glazer is just the best in Broad Street, and the fact that she co-wrote this and is trying to do something unexpected out of the ordinary just thrills me to the end. That being said, her character Lucy seems to be a rather standard powerful NYC woman with a good job where she’s better than the rest, who ends up going through a torturous experience as an expectant mother who isn’t able to trust her own doctor. Part of the conflict comes when Julie is told that she is having more than one baby, but she has to choose between twin boys or a single girl, because she’s told that she won’t be able to take all three of them to term.

It’s an okay premise dealing with the many worries that women must have while pregnant, and things get crazier and crazier as Julia begins seeing everything, and while Glazer isn’t bad while playing a straight-up no-humor dramatic role, it’s hard not to see her more as a Debra Messing type when she has her hair straightened out to look different.

The horror elements are decent whether it’s the body horror idea of having a number of dead baby fetuses inside you, which is pretty creepy, and Lee doesn’t do a bad job with the trippier parts of the movie, though I feel like it overuses and leans on the use of blood to step up the horror, and it doesn’t work that well. There are also aspects to the story that feel somewhat predictable only because there are only a few way things can go the way things are set-up.

It’s obvious that Glazer and Lee wanted to make social commentary on the male-dominated field of childbirth with some of the weirder aspects of the movie, like the Stepford Nurses that constantly surround Brosnan’s Dr. Hindle. Having them there smiling eerily always boosts Lucy’s suspicion that her husband might be cheating with one or both of them. Still, there are too many aspects of False Positive (including the fact it was produced by A24) that makes one think that this is another attempt at the kind of “elevated humor” that’s been done so much better by the likes of Ari Aster and Robert Eggers.

Ultimately, False Positive is okay, it certainly tries hard, it’s maybe not quite as good as I hoped or expected of what might have been a perfectly fine vehicle for Glazer. I certainly had high hopes for what she might do with a pregnancy thriller, that this movie just never quite delivers.

False Positive debuts on Hulu this Friday.

From Sweden comes the horror film THE EVIL NEXT DOOR (Magnet) from filmmakers Oskar Mellender and Tord Danielsson, which follows a new stepmom Shirin (Dilan Gwyn), who has moved into a duplex with her partner Fredrik and his young son, Lucas (Eddie Eriksson Dominguez), but they soon learn that strange things start happening that seem to be coming from the abandoned house next door.

I’m always open to see what’s coming from the Scandinavian countries, because there’s been a lot of particularly good genre over the years -- Let the Right One In, for instance -- but I got the impression right away that originality was not going to be in the cards for this one, which immediately has the small boy having an imaginary friend, who you know is either an evil spirit or one of the spirit’s previous victims. Sadly, that’s the case here, and without the originality of some of the original horror films it's emulating, The Evil Next Door just seems like an international copycat.

If you’re even a modicum fan of modern horror, you’re likely to have seen many better versions of this movie, which is just kind of bland overall, but constantly resorts to scenes of a woman walking through the house acting scared and the cheap scares that inevitably come. This one even uses the eerie “next day” chapters that have been used in so many other horror movies, including the Paranormal Activity movies.

Mellender and Danielsson certainly come off as capable filmmakers, and they could do far worse than the incredibly dramatic and emotional performance by Gwyn -- the movie does get slightly better as it goes along -- but the feeling that you’ve seen it all before and know what to expect completely detracts from appreciating any of the finer aspects. For instance, there’s some decent creature design work but even that sometimes goes for the expected in terms of the spirit’s look. The filmmaker’s skills are also evident from the use of music and sound design, which is crucial to a movie like this working in any fashion, but it’s hard to fully appreciate it when you feel you know where things are going.

The Evil Next Door just feels like a movie made by fans of the far superior “Conjuring” movies who managed to cop some of the tricks to scare the viewer, but without fully understanding why those movies work due to original characters and storytelling ideas. These are decent filmmakers, but I’d really like to see them do something more unique or original.

If you live in NYC and feel like going up to Harlem, Questlove’s documentary, Summer of Soul, is opening a week early, this Friday at the AMC Magic Johnson in Harlem, New York, and it’s also opening at El Capitan in Los Angeles. It will open in theaters elsewhere and on Hulu NEXT Friday, July 2, so I’ll write more about it in next week’s column.

Debuting on Apple TV+ Friday is Drew Zanthopoulos’ documentary FATHOM (Apple TV+), which follows scientists Dr. Ellen Garland and Dr. Michelle Fournet as they study the whale songs of the humpback whale and try to figure out ways to communicate with them and understand whale culture. Oddly, this is one of quite a few whale documentaries coming out over the next few weeks.

Another movie that I just don’t have time to review just now is Eytan Rockaway’s gangster thriller, LANSKY (Vertical), which stars Harvey Keitel, Sam Worthington, John Magaro, AnnaSophia Robb and Minka Kelly. Worthington is down-and-out writer David Stone, who gets a call from the legendary gangster Meyer Lansky (played by Keitel), who has been of the grid for decades but worth a fortune. Stone meets with Lansky as the FBI closes in on the Godfather of organized crime, and he’s told about Lansky’s time with Murder Inc. and the National Crime Syndicate.

Other movies out this week, include:

SILENT NIGHT (Samuel Goldwyn)

SISTERS ON TRACK (Netflix)

TOO LATE (Gravitas Ventures)

Next week is the 4th of July (on Sunday), and we’re getting FOREVER PURGE (Universal) and THE BOSS BABY 2: FAMILY BUSINESS (also Universal!!?!?)... I guess someone really wants to dominate the box office again, huh?

[tabloidtoc]

Star, May 10

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Meghan Markle having twin girls (oops!)

Page 1: Famous for doing his own stunts, Tom Cruise helicoptered in to the tiny English village of Levisham to film aboard, or rather hanging off of, a vintage train and along for the ride was his Mission: Impossible 7 costar Hayley Atwell, who was spotted running along the top of the North Yorkshire Moors Railway car and while the pair, surrounded by crew and tech experts, were total pros, it's an open secret on set that their romance is going strong and Tom and Hayley hang out non-stop when the cameras are off and are pretty much joined at the hip but not in a showy, PDA way; it's a very discreet thing they've got going on -- off-camera, 58-year-old Tom and 39-year-old Hayley enjoy quiet nights holed up in Tom's London digs, eating meals specially prepared by his private chef and they'll watch movies or read books or just chill out doing their own thing -- chilling out isn't Tom's forte, as audio leaked of him berating the film's crew for violating COVID-19 protocols, but things have calmed down considerably as the spy flick, due in theaters May 2022, closes in on its wrap date, but the ensuing publicity push will put Tom and Hayley's relationship front and center, but don't expect the devoted Scientologist to jump on any couches (a la Katie Holmes) announcing wife No. 4 as Tom has learned the hard way about putting everything out there and getting picked to pieces; this time, it's all about subtlety

Page 2: Contents, Cher got up and personal with the World's Loneliest Elephant Kaavan, who she helped relocate to Cambodia

Page 3: Brie Larson in a swimsuit with butterflies on it during a getaway to Hawaii, with headphones at the ready Brooke Burke was itching to cut a rug with friends before teaching a silent disco cardio party at the Rafi Lounge in Malibu, Maria Shriver and Christina Schwarzenegger enjoyed some quality time on a stroll in L.A., Boy George sporting a bold look on The Jonathan Ross Show in London

Page 4: In a recent interview, AnnaLynne McCord revealed a shocking diagnosis: for years, the 90210 alum has been battling dissociative identity disorder (often erroneously referred to as multiple personality disorder) -- she told Dr. Daniel Amen she is absolutely uninterested in shame about opening up despite the stigma surrounding mental-health issues because that's how we get to the point where we can articulate the nature of these pervasive traumas as horrible as they are -- for her part, the 33-year-old traces back her troubles to sexual abuse she suffered as a child and as had many of the 200,000 people diagnosed with DID each year, she suppressed those horrific memories and it was only within the past few years that they began to resurface, largely after she sought treatment for PTSD related to another sexual assault and she doesn't have any memories of abuse until around 5, then from 5 to 11, she recounts incidents throughout and then, when she was 13, she has a singled-out memory and it was at that age that she developed what doctors call a second personality identity: as Little Ann, the Georgia-born daughter of a pastor said she was balls to the wall, middle fingers to the sky, anarchist from hell who will stab you with the spike ring that she wears and that helped her survive her nightmarish situation -- ironically, acting created the same dynamic, making it sometimes difficult for AnnaLynne to let go of characters she'd played and all of her roles were splits but she didn't even realize she was doing it

Page 5: Jennifer Aniston wasn't exactly touched when Justin Theroux gushed about how much he still loves her in the issue of Esquire -- complaining about feeling like a hermit during the pandemic, 49-year-old Justin nearly got misty discussing FaceTiming and texting his ex, saying he cherishes their friendship and they can not be together and still bring each other joy and he'd be bereft if they weren't still in touch and he'd like to think the same for her -- but 52-year-old Jen, whose love life has been low-key since the pair's 2018 divorce, has stayed on good terms with most of her exes including Brad Pitt but doesn't want anything more than a friendship with Justin and sure, it's flattering but she's just moved on and wishes he would too, and that goes double for some of her friends who griped that Justin tried to milk Jen's connections to further his career -- in the end, Justin needs to know he's got no chance whatsoever of winning Jen back and she doesn't feel anything remotely close to passion for him anymore

* Roseanne Barr showed off her newly svelte frame on Instagram -- back in 1998, she lost 100 lbs after undergoing gastric-bypass surgery, but yo-yo'd over the next decades but now she's determined to keep the weight off by totally changing the way she eats and she's growing her own fruits and vegetables and has a whole new appreciation of food

* Five months after he entered the Federal Correctional Institution, Mossimo Gianulli finished up his stint at his plush Hidden Hills home and now, the 57-year-old, who along with wife Lori Loughlin, pleaded guilty to paying a $500,000 bribe to get their kids into USC, can't wait to get back to normal and his biggest priority, besides spending time with Lori and the girls, is to get out there on the golf course -- the designer, worth a reported $70 million, still has to perform 250 hours of community service while Lori, who finished up her prison stint in December, is chipping away at hers, doling out meals at L.A.'s Project Angel Food -- Lori and Mossimo have resolved not to dwell on the past and they want to move forward with a positive and grateful attitude

Page 6: Fans of Angelina Jolie's stunts in movies like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and Mr. & Mrs. Smith are looking forward to her return to the screen as a wildfire fighter in Those Who Wish Me Dead and in the upcoming Marvel flick Eternals but 45-year-old Angie would rather be behind the camera and she explained the real reason behind her comeback is she loves directing, but she had a change in her family situation that's not made it possible for her to direct for a few years and she needed to just do shorter jobs and be home more, so she went back to doing a few acting jobs -- that change in her family situation, of course, is her divorce from Brad Pitt, ongoing since their 2016 split and with no bitter end in sight and it could drag on for years

* Catherine Zeta-Jones says it's no secret her 20-year marriage to 76-year-old Michael Douglas hasn't been easy and it wouldn't be normal if there weren't any ups and downs -- it's another Michael, her Prodigal Son costar Michael Sheen, who has friends whispering as both are Welsh and only a year apart, the two have been having a lot of fun shooting the serial-killer drama and they had never met before the series but they keep discovering how much they have in common -- while Michael, who has been linked with Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams and Sarah Silverman, has been with Anna Lundberg for two years, friends can't help worrying because it's a little to close for comfort

Page 8: Star Shots -- Marlee Matlin kicked back during a portrait session in La Canada Flintridge in California, a loaded-down Irina Shayk in a Victoria's Secret photoshoot in NYC, Gavin Rossdale and his dog Chewy leaving tennis practice in L.A.

Page 9: Kelly Clarkson and her battle advisor Luis Fonsi on The Voice, John Stamos at the drive-in premiere of his new series Big Shot in L.A.

Page 10: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley toting her $3800 Bottega Veneta Shell bag in NYC, Niall Horan and Anne-Marie jumped into a classic Jaguar XK120 for a music video in Essex in England, Adam Driver as Maurizio Gucci on the set of House of Gucci on a bicycle in Rome

Page 11: Jay Leno takes a selfie with a fan, Kate Hudson and her daughter Rani busting out some mommy-and-me moves

Page 12: David Beckham filming a commercial for Maserati, Kaley Cuoco working out with ropes, a windswept Olivia Culpo held on tight to pup Oliver while enjoying a sunset ride aboard a boat named after her dog, Miles Teller looked both ways during a cruise in his blue Ford Bronco which is the same car he flipped in a 2016 accident

Page 13: Garrett Hedlund hit the pavement in a jog in Hollywood, Johnny Depp got behind the camera at the photocall for his film Minamata during the Barcelona Film Festival, friendly exes Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry masked up for a walk in L.A.

Page 14: 2021 ACMs -- country celebrates its best in Nashville -- Elle King and Miranda Lambert kicked off the 56th Academy of Country Music Awards by rolling up in a hot ride before performing, Blake Shelton, Dierks Bentley, co-host Keith Urban

Page 15: Maren Morris and Ryan Hurd performed together, Carrie Underwood

Page 16: Margot Robbie inline skating during a beach day in Malibu, Kate Beckinsale carrying her two cats and her dog as she tried to read, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend and their daughter Luna took a silly mid-game family selfie while playing Hedbanz

Page 18: Normal or Not Normal? A sleepy George Stephanopoulos was caught yawning on the Good Morning America set -- normal, Emily Blunt kicked back a little too much at The Jonathan Ross Show -- not normal

Page 19: With a $1400 rainbow Gucci sweater wrapped around her shoulders Selling Sunset's pregnant Christine Quinn with her dogs in L.A. -- normal, Chelsea Handler works out with her dog on her back -- not normal, Zach Braff stuck his tongue out as he took a silly selfie filming the Cheaper by the Dozen reboot -- not normal

Page 22: Fashion -- stars shine in metallic frocks -- Becky G, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Karen Gillan

Page 23: Miranda Lambert, Cynthia Erivo, Renee Zellweger

Page 26: Travis Barker didn't hold back in his birthday tribute to girlfriend Kourtney Kardashian -- sharing a series of sexy shots with 42-year-old Kourtney, including a NSFW video of Kourtney sucking his thumb and the rocker's risque pics quickly went viral, as did Kourt's TMI essay posted to her health and wellness site Poosh titled "Rough Sex: Love It or Leave It?" -- definitely leave it, if it were up to the pair's kids; 17-year-old Landon and 15-year-old Alabama, who are 45-year-old Travis' children with ex-wife Shanna Moakler, are mortified by their dad's behavior and like most teenagers, the two are active on social media and can't avoid the new couple's loved-up posts and Travis' kids are happy that he's happy, but the PDA is weird and takes some getting used to, while Travis' stepdaughter Atiana De La Hoya, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have a problem as the 22-year-old posted a heart-eyes emoji -- as for spending time with Mason, 11, Penelope, 8, and 6-year-old Reign, Kourt's kids with ex Scott Disick, the pair try to restrain themselves but still the lovebirds are happily oblivious and have a hard time toning it down and Kourt and Travis are just being themselves and going with the flow; they're in love and want the world to know it

Page 27: After 10 months of dating Australian model Vanessa Valladares, Zac Efron is officially back on the market -- 33-year-old Zac called it off with the 25-year-old after things got too serious, too soon and they spent every moment together and it was too claustrophobic for him, as Vanessa, who quit her job and gave up everything to be with Zac, became a fixture on set as he worked on Down to Earth with Zac Efron and he felt guilty that she was giving up her dreams and aspirations to be with him -- despite their split, Zac, who had put his L.A. home on the market and extended his stay in Australia after meeting Vanessa, has no plans to rush back to the States because he has made a lot of friends there and feels at home

* Like many planning their vows during the pandemic, Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost had to get strategic when it came to their big day -- Scarlett said they wanted it to feel like it had an intentional intimacy as opposed to being something that felt like they were restricted by all these things -- the intimate and small event the pair threw was at their $4 million Palisades, N.Y. home in October and the ultra-private pair kept their guests safe, and the guest list was tiny and it was understated but lovely, just what they wanted -- now Scarlett and Colin have settled in to married life and Scarlett and Colin both like to steer clear of the spotlight which makes them perfectly suited for each other

* Vanessa Hudgens revealed the surprising way she was introduced to boyfriend Cole Tucker, who she's been dating since November -- 32-year-old Vanessa and 24-year-old Cole met on a Zoom meditation group and Vanessa admits that the Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop is just perfect for her and Vanessa and Cole, who debuted their romance on Valentine's Day, moved their budding friendship offline after feeling sparks via the virtual meeting app and they started communicating on their own and found out they have a lot in common -- now Vanessa, who dated Austin Butler for nine years before their 2020 split, is zooming ahead and she doesn't want to rush or jinx things, but she's saying Cole could be The One

Page 28: Cover Story -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Twin Girls -- it was a somber, but loving occasion as the royal family celebrated the life of Prince Philip and amid the pomp and truly touching moments, like Queen Elizabeth sitting frail and alone, viewers waited to see what would happen when Harry and Prince William reunited for the first time since Harry and Meghan stepped down from senior royal duties in March 2020 and just weeks after their bombshell TV interview rocked the monarchy and tensions had been running high before the funeral, but everything went better than expected as William and Harry bonded and united in grief at the loss of their beloved grandfather, the estranged siblings along with William's wife Duchess Kate Middleton, waved away their waiting cars, opting to walk the half-mile from St. George's Chapel to Windsor Castle together and the trio chatted easily as they strolled -- back home in Montecito, Harry has been by pregnant Meghan's side around the clock making sure she takes it easy and the couple are in full-blown prep mode and Harry has been helping baby-proof their mansion and designing the nursery and Harry's been on his hands and knees making the house baby-friendly and he's got the latest, state-of-the-art safety devices installed around the pool -- Harry's promising visit with the royal family has given him one less thing to worry about, but still he and members of The Firm will always have different perspectives and after dismissing William and dad Prince Charles as trapped by the monarchy, Harry was persuaded by Kate to take the first step and she went up to Harry to suggest he have a heart-to-heart with William and their father, then she stepped back; Harry felt nostalgic being back home and it's a work in progress -- Harry made headway with his grandmother as well as he and Queen Elizabeth had a private meeting and spoke for three hours and seeing Harry's face made her smile again and Harry loves his grandmother very much and he's promised to bring his kids back to England later this year and he wants the Queen to spend quality time with them

Page 31: The Home Birth Brigade -- Who needs hospitals? These fearless celebrity moms opted to welcome their babies in the comfort of their own homes -- Ashley Graham, Eva Amurri, Hilary Duff, Gisele Bundchen, Gigi Hadid

Page 32: Kim Kardashian: Billionaire Bachelorette -- months after officially filing for divorce Kanye West, Kim is majorly ready to mingle -- Kanye's miffed that fans think he's the one who got dumped when he simply let her file first

Page 34: Not Boyfriend Material -- celebs share tales of dates gone bad, and guys who definitely didn't deserve a second chance -- Patricia Arquette, Mindy Kaling, Jenny Slate

Page 35: Awkwafina, Emma Watson, Kelly Clarkson

Page 36: For Mom -- for Mother's Day, express gratitude to the No. 1 lady in your life with the perfect gift -- Naomi Watts cofounded the ONDA Mama Box

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- in honor of Earth Day, Alison Brie kicked off the second year of the Planet Oat Project by planting trees at Rancho Sierra Vista -- the 38-year-old also took to Instagram to bring awareness to the wildlife restoration initiative, noting that a startling three million acres of trees in California have been destroyed by recent wildfires

[ghostbloggerghost]

How many pizza boys does it take to change a light bulb?

There is no punchline, it’s just what I did this week

12/15/2020

It’s been a rather intense month, so I’m a little sad to say I don’t have a ton to report this week. Which I guess could be okay depending on your perspective. We return to your regularly scheduled pizza boy mishaps and Henry sightings! After everything that’s been happening, this week felt slow. Work has been mostly normal, and I brought Old Linda some groceries again. So I guess that's the weirdest thing- I got to see the inside of her house. 

We were, of course, social distancing. And it was only because, as I was leaving some stuff on the porch for her, she cracked the door open and asked me if I actually wouldn't mind bringing them into the kitchen and changing a light bulb for her. Old Linda is kind of small, and a little hunched, so I'm sort of betting she would have difficulty on a ladder, or not be able to reach. Her ceilings are pretty high. I said it wouldn't be a problem, but wanted to make sure she was okay and that we could make it as safe as possible for her. She said she set up and wiped down a ladder already, she was going to actually go to the living room. She left some cleaning wipes and things, and asked me to just wipe everything down when I was done. I also offered to put away groceries for her, but she said no- she had to wipe them down first. She told me to just change the bulb and maybe, if I could, put the ladder back out in the shed after.

After waiting a couple minutes for her to get to the living room, I enter, crossing through some sort of long forgotten sitting room into the kitchen. I set the bags on a table in the corner of the room. For the size of the house the kitchen isn't too big. It looks like barely enough space for the table she has wedged into the corner. It feels a bit dated, like it was last re-done in the 70's or so. Wood cabinets, looking like the varnish has worn away in some places. The floor is a tile pattern, though it looks like there are some chips and cracks around the edges. The fridge and stove are a sort of off moss green color, and wood paneling can be seen around the edges of the room, like by the seating area. I momentarily pause, just looking around the kitchen. 

There is grey light coming in through the window over the sink, and I can see a mix of decaying and overgrown plants on the windowsill. I walk over to the sink, washing my hands, and sprinkling some water over the plants, before drying them. I turn to the ladder set up just off center of the room. Glancing around I see the lightbulbs on the counter. Checking to make sure the ladder is steady, I head up. Even with the ladder, I can only just see into the light itself. It was more of a glorified step stool than a ladder, but I'm able to reach the bulb and twist it out. Though not without sending a cascade of dust over the room. I climb back down the ladder, shaking dust from my hair and face. I suppose thanks to my mask I'm not sent into a fit of sneezing, but I still hear a small sneeze behind me. Turning around I spy Henry, crouched under the table, tail lashing, and of course, glaring.

"Hey bud, sorry about the dust- Just gotta put the new bulb in, and I'll be out of your way."

The response to this was of course more glaring, though it did come with another sneeze.

"What?" I hear from down the hall.

"Nothing, sorry Linda, just the cat sneezing. I knocked down some dust."

"Henry, you leave the boy alone. Can't feed you if I can't see my damn hand in front of my face."

"I'll be done in a minute, no worries."

I head back up the ladder with the new bulb, twisting it into place. I pause for a moment making sure it's in right before starting back down the ladder. There is a growl, and suddenly Henry is underfoot. I clumsily stumble from the ladder. Thankfully I caught myself on the table instead of bouncing my head off it.

"Damnit, Henry," I mutter to myself.

I push myself up, dusting myself off again, and glancing around for Henry, but I can see no sign of him now. I feel like I've become rivals with a cat. I'm just not sure if they are trying to kill me or begrudgingly save me. I still have my doubts about Henry being a cat at all, though mysterious vengeance would seemingly describe a fair number of cats. I wipe down everything I can, and wash my hands again. I also double check to make sure the light works. I can see faint snow flurries beginning to drift down outside. I fold up the ladder and yell to Old Linda-

"Linda, you're all set- need anything else before I put away the ladder?"

"There is an envelope on the table for you- watch yourself out there."

"Ah, Thank you. Stay safe Linda- Let me know if you need anything."

I let myself out. Peering into the shed, I set the ladder just inside the door. I glance around at the collection of old gardening tools and weird parts that have made their home in this small, slightly listing shelter. As I make my way back to the road, I spy Henry in the window. I stare back at him for a moment before waving and making my way home.

I did have my EMF reader with me, and had it on in my bag, but I don't think it picked up anything while I was in Old Linda's house. Which is a bit of a bummer, it certainly made enough strange creaking and distant rattling noises to be haunted.

I hope everyone is staying safe throughout the holidays and enjoying themselves as best they can! It’s still a ways off, but remember that virtual holiday party I mentioned? My gf wants me to pick up the decorations for it this week, since I have to leave the house to get groceries anyways. We could probably wait a bit- but it feels like we may be close to going back into full lock down again soon. Better safe than sorry, right? Until next time-

Stay safe- and stay haunted!

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[oofluc]

⌠ AXEL AURIANT, 20, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, LUC MONTAGNIER! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( dried blood on busted knuckles, forced smiles and sweat drenched after training ). when it’s the (virgo)’s birthday on 09/17/1999, they always request their SEARED SCALLOPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ ooc mochi, 23, she/her, gmt ⍀  

slight warning to those who saw i originally planned him to be an anxious soft boi … i was wrong also there is a suicide mention & some subtle child abuse maybe... plus it’s kind of long ? and an incoherent mess but whatever !! plotting is welcome either on tumblr or on discord which you can find me at mochi#7066 !! his pinterest is here yes i went overboard with sections esp bc im gonna add more hdjf !! stats here and a full connection page here with most stuff i have so far ! @gallagherintro​

PARALLELS

fred jones | scooby doo

stefan salvatore | the vampire diaries

hatsuharu sohma | fruits basket

noatak | avatar: the legend of korra

FAMILY

phillipe montagnier | 54

ameline montagnier | 46

marc montagnier | ✝

luc montagnier | 20

charles montagnier | 18

elias montagnier | 18

HISTORY

the montagnier family was originally located in the south of france until luc’s grandfather moved them to quebec. their empire was in manufacturing all kinds of weaponry and selling them to governments and other spy families and organisations. if you needed something a bit obscure or unique, this was the family you'd come to.

luc grew up in a fairly isolated countryside area in a family of four brothers who he loved for the first few years of his life. first was marc, shy and respectful, luc himself two years behind, and then another two years graced the family with twins; charles and elias who lived by their own rules. marc and luc had always been close, marc was the best big brother possible and luc loved him a lot.

eventually after being pitted and forced to compete against each other for so long, it got quite personal and their bonds started being tested. their mother turned a blind eye to their father's borderline abusive methods when luc overtook his older brother in their father’s tests and training. bruises and broken bones were only natural in training so there wasn't much she could say even if she wanted to.

from as long as he could remember, he'd been firing guns. there was a shooting range on their estate and they went on hunting trips, too. his dad often had him show customers the potential of their weaponry and so he'd always been thrusted into that life whether he wanted a say or not. it’s been clear since he was around fourteen that if anyone was taking over the family business it'd be him, not his older brother, marc.

this definitely caused somewhat of a rift between him and marc, as he'd end up getting much harsher punishments when luc would disarm or ground him.

luckily for luc, he did enjoy fighting and was exceptionally gifted in the life planned out for him. he was always the most determined to gain their father's approval, which definitely showed in their results and how obedient he was in front of the man. when he finally got what he wanted, he didn't quite expect it to mean what it did. it was rare but every now and then he would kill for his dad. whether it was someone who betrayed the family or a potential threat to their business, if his dad told him to, he would, no questions asked. it was during this time he was more excluded from training with his brothers since he would be with his dad instead.

SUICIDE TW !!!!!!

his oldest brother marc was sent to blackthorne once he was eighteen and ended up committing suicide at the end of his second year, with luc set to follow the next year. this news was shocking for the montagnier family as luc's father was bitterly embarrassed and disappointed by his firstborns' death, wanting to cover it up as a murder so it couldn't be tied to the family name with such dishonour. it quickly created a divide as charles and elias defended marc's actions and revealed he'd been struggling with depression for the majority of his life, much like they did, which was all unknown to luc, who, for the first time, felt the repercussions of his father's favouritism. he had a new found rebellion against him that was violent with them going at each other's throats for the foreseeable future. luc ended up avoiding his place at blackthorne in hopes to piss off his dad and becoming more reclusive and bitter as time went on.

he really took his brother's death personally, believing he was a factor in it and wishing he'd been there for him more closely. if anyone so much as mentions marc to him he will be on guard and very easily angered. i think before marc died he was very charismatic, egotistical at times and driven whereas now he’s lost a lot of his energy and is more negative & aloof.

the following year was Rough™. he was no longer his dad's golden boy and the family dynamic shifted a lot with marc's death as luc ended up protecting his younger twin brothers instead of beating them for their dad's favour. he's certain he'd have been disowned had his mother not aligned herself with the kids as well.

i think their family dynamic is kinda like the cha family from sky castle if anyone has seen it !

luc eventually decided to enrol in school late, only to end up at gallagher instead. which... i mean, i think before marc died he was excited about attending blackthorne. so he’s bit ??? uncertain about the girls school.

PERSONALITY

genuinely i think it comes down to so many factors, whether he’s in a good mood, who’s speaking to him etc but neutrally he’s quite charming, happy to mess about a bit but more or less takes most stuff too seriously. since he’s not around his dad i do think he will explore a lot more and seek out adventure and fun but if he’s got a test or something due the next day then he’ll bail early since he is defo the type to never let his grades or performance be ruined

he’s quite cocky + likes to win no matter what so yes he will ruin a friendship to beat u at monopoly. second place is last place in his head.

at his best he can be confident, alluring, courteous, loyal… at his worst he's aggressive, destructive, apathetic and always says shit he doesn't mean !!!! will he apologize ?? unlikely but he'll try n make it right once he’s calmed down

thinks the best way to deal with things is with his fists, he’s so EASY to snap and start a fight n he’ll.... maybe apologise for it

i think he defo likes to pretend he’s got no problems and so reverts to a social, supportive friend every once in a while. the type to be brutally honest !!

he’s a definite know it all, thinks he’s the dog’s bollocks, gods gift etc !!!!! doesn’t believe in god but still. I kinda see him a bit jocky idk why but more brooding n isolating 70% of the time bc he’s easily pissed off but when he’s having fUNNNNN he’s ok like a solid guy at times just easily angered

very flirty, he's a major ladies man despite actually being GAY. which is a secret. sh. only two people know he’s gay and that’s his current beard girlfriend ellie cavanagh and childhood friend regine ren. more ppl can defo find out in time and i’m sure ppl have speculations ? maybe have seen him hooking up with guys or something when he thought no one was looking etc probs think he’s bi who knows!!! but for now those two are the only people he’s actually spoken to about it!!!! so if anyone else tries he will deny it as he’s very against the idea of coming out so will not discuss it ty pls.

and it’s not that he doesn’t enjoy sleeping with girls, he’ll be having a great time regardless but he just aint abt to love them like that pls understand

still, he is in a current relationship with ellie who is acting as his beard for him. they have ‘ dated ’ before and are off and on a lot, so they probably seem pretty toxic tbh since ellie n him can clash n argue and he defo still hooks up with other girls despite being in a relationship so feel free to kill him for cheating !

wanted connections !!!

going off the last point, maybe some of ellie’s friends who come at him for how he seemingly treats her !!!

i'd love for blackthorne ppl to have known his brother, he'd have been around about 22/23 and a fourth year now if he was still alive so ?? it might help luc with some closure if he could talk about him since it happened at blackthorne

ppl to know the family, some family friends would be amazing !!! i feel regardless of alliances etc their family would have stayed as neutral as possible since they're selling weapons so they want all the customers.

so people that know HIM while he was growing up would be interesting esp those expecting him to have joined blackthorne when he was supposed to 2 years ago, and obvs him probably changing from who they knew him as to a more negative version now

might put a wc for his twin bros as they potentially joined his arrival at gallagher as first years too but who knows. they’d be 18 so if anyone wants a family friend connection that is around that age, maybe they were closer to the twins than luc ??

he sleeps with a lot of girls to kinda ‘make sure’ no one knows he’s gay as he defo doesn't feel comfortable with being out. the guys that he sleeps with he'll always pin it on being too drunk to remember or he'll threaten them if they told etc ?? he's very on edge about it and would only hook up super secretly sooo if anyone’s down for that with him

and then obvs need a lot of ladies he’d wanna sleep with to keep his image

previous ex gfs ?? from prep schools !!!!!!!

some positive influences would be good

bad influences as well bc tho he is a bit of a party guy, he doesn’t drink loads and he doesn’t do drugs !!!!!!!!!!!!!! but…. I mean i bet he could be convinced now he’s away from home so

study / sparring buddies !!

i’d love someone to teach him pop culture n normality !! his childhood was training and competing with his bros so he defo doesn’t watch many movies or tv or play games etc so ? someone making him watch all the harry potters ?? binging parks and rec ?? he’d find it so dumb but who wouldnt enjoy it ??

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION AND RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

cordelia chase – buffy the vampire slayer

tahani al-jamil – the good place

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. 

it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. 

her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down.

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is…fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. 

aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods.

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. 

aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kaleli and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory.

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. 

she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way.

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her !

LANGUAGES SHE KNOWS: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak.

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels around campus and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch.

has a little stuffed rabbit in a tutu that she got as a baby named  dans tavşanı, and she always sleeps with it lol. however, it was recently stolen in her luggage when she was traveling home after the semester and she misses it a lot.

started drinking bc she wanted to be like her sisters and fit in and she’s fun to party with, but has never seen or touched a single drug in her life, not even weed. with parents that work for the government, she’s concerned about it. 

super into classic romances, her favorite book is pride and prejudice and jane austen is her favorite author! loves classic romance movies too, or anything by norah ephron. she’s lowkey a romantic and needs to be romanced and feel special before she’d ever consider dating someone or even crushing on them, really. scary movies freak her out though, she will lose her shit at a jump scare. 

her parents are not super strict about their religion, but she doesn’t eat pork and her dad doesn’t keep any alcohol in the house. she definitely keeps a lot of secrets from her parents, and they don’t know that she’s ever had a boyfriend. 

lowkey a HUGE nerd !!!!!!! 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY !

[damn-daemon]

Critical Mass - Prologue

(While I’m still writing this for NaNo, I have no self control - @chuck-hansens​ did this to me. This isn’t the final version, but please let me know what you think!)

Ring of Kafrene

It had once been a populous mining site, home to a multitude of cultures and corporations, but the collapse of the Empire lead to many of the mines being closed down – no more Death Stars to build after all – and the area fell into disrepair. The Hutts attempted to take control of the area, but their reach had dwindled over the past decade, leaving the station in the hands of local gangs. It had become a hotbed of illegal activity – not that things had been easygoing under Imperial rule – with a reputation that rivaled some of the Outer Rim worlds.

So, of course his person of interest would be holed up here. 

Poe Dameron sighed as he stepped into the space port, vaguely paying attention as the docking clamps ground into place. The old, two-seater freighter was a far cry from his T-70, but the point of the mission was to not draw attention to himself. Also to preferably not get his ship stolen. An X-Wing wouldn’t last more than an hour in this space port. He didn’t even think the freighter would, and that rusting block hadn’t seen active service since before the Clone Wars. 

BB-8 rolled up beside him, gently nudging his boot and whistling softly. 

“Yeah, buddy, I’m starting to think I should have left you home too,” he replied.

The air was stale and stank of grease, oil, and other things he’d rather not think about. Most of the equipment was retrofitted mining machinery with exposed wires and layers of rust. Something electrical was sparking on the far end of the docking bay, and there was a lone astromech lying on the ground. Occasionally it beeped, but no one seemed to care. 

Inside the station was bound to be interesting. 

“I wouldn’t linger, if I were you.”

Poe turned to the bay doors, finding them open and occupied by a dark green Rodian. He was tapping on a datapad. 

“This level’s got a faulty grid. Power tends to cut and then you’re off for a nice – if brief – space trip.”

Panicking, BB-8 cried, launching a cable into the nearest wall. 

Poe pat the poor droid before walking to the doors. Eventually, he heard the sound of his friend rolling behind him – and then rapidly in front of him. 

“What’s my docking fee?” he asked, feeling a small amount of relief when the doors closed behind him. 

“Hundred fifty credits first day. One hundred for every day after.”

“And what’s the fee if I don’t want my ship to go mysteriously missing?”

If Rodians were capable of smiling, the one before him would be grinning from ear to ear. 

“Add another fifty credits on top,” the Rodian replied, accepting his credit chit. “Here I thought you were another one of those Core pilots. Come to this heap looking for adventure, and they lose everything but the clothes on their backs. Sometimes, they lose those too.”

“I used to be,” Poe said, walking down the narrow corridor. He ignored the way the lights flickered as he walked by, as well as what could be described as whimpering on BB-8’s part. 

The doors at the end opened slowly, grinding on gears that were undoubtedly rusted as well, revealing an unusual world. 

The Ring of Kafrene was an outpost that connected two asteroids. There was no atmosphere, gravity, or vegetation. It was rock and metal, a self-contained unit that relied heavily on trade to keep running. Problem was, Kafrene didn’t lie on any well-traveled trade routes. Without the allure of a thriving mining community, most vessels moved on to safer, better known stops. 

Metal towers, conduits, and piping shot upward for as far as Poe could see. The air was thick with steam and other chemicals being churned into the atmosphere out of various vents, clouding the passageways so that there always appeared to be a fog. Everything was a shade of brown, and he doubted that it started that way. 

Outside the few windowpanes, ships drifted outside. As did garbage.

Aliens of every type shuffled around the area, some in piloting gear, others armed to the teeth, a few sat on the ground begging for spare credits. A bounty hunter dragged a shouting Dug through the crowd. No one reacted. Most just moved along, quiet and plodding. It was another day for them. 

“Maybe I still am,” he whispered. 

He wandered with the crowd for some time, actively keeping BB-8 in front of him – only three passersby attempted to interact with the droid, each met with the same number of volts – until he came across the cantina he was looking for. At least it smelled like something remotely edible over the same stale air. 

A young Twi’lek held her hand up as he entered the space, looking him over like she could smell the offworlder on him. 

“We don’t serve droids here.”

Poe looked down at BB-8, who looked up at him. They both looked at the droid working behind the bar, serving drinks and making programmed small talk. 

“Well, I’ve never seen a droid eat anything.”

Her eyes glazed over, pupils momentarily scraping the top of her head, before she sighed and moved on, handing drinks over to a rowdy table of miners. 

Poe shrugged, and sauntered up to the bar, taking a seat on one of the stools.

And there he waited. 

Time passed slowly, and Poe had to actively restrain himself from constantly checking the door. General Organa’s mission layout was simple: the contact would come to him. He wasn’t to move until then. 

Three days ago, C-3PO received an encoded message from one of his contacts – frankly, the idea that a protocol droid had an underground spy network at his proverbial fingertips was still strange to him – detailing a curious event that had occurred on Canto Bight. It alleged that a First Order operative had gone rogue. Leia had decided to err on the side of caution until yesterday when 3PO received a second transmission from this space port. 

It was potentially the largest lead on the First Order they had ever received – someone who was actually on the inside, and actively seeking a way out – yet Leia had still offered him a choice. It would be dangerous – and was possibly a trap – and if he felt the risk was too great, then they would leave it be. 

“It’s like you don’t know me, General,” he’d said with a smile. “I haven’t met a risk yet that wasn’t worth the effort.”

Her smile wasn’t quite there. “Sometimes, Dameron, I wish you had.”

He’d spent the entire trip mulling over those words. 

The Gran that had been occupying the bar since he arrived stood to leave, mumbling some obscenities as he shuffled toward the door. That left Poe alone at the bar – nearly alone in the cantina minus the miner party – and a little sullen at that. A crowded place was better for meeting. Here might have been downright suspicious. 

He chanced a glance at the door. 

“You humans never were good at being subtle.” 

Poe looked back to the droid behind the bar. It was a tall, thin thing, with one red sensor that watched him. Perhaps the only thing not rusting in the area, it still maintained a metallic sheen. Someone had jokingly tied a bow tie to what would have been its neck region. 

“Excuse me?” 

The entire time, the droid had been speaking in simple phrases, exhibiting a simple etiquette programming, but that appeared to have been a ruse on its part. 

“Your species fidgets too much. It has a low tolerance for sitting still. Imagine how little would get done if a droid acted the same way.”

Poe lowered his voice. “Are you…?”

He could have sworn the droid looked disappointed. “Were you expecting something organic?”

You know, he really didn’t have an answer for that. 

Poe waited as the droid continued cleaning the bar top, now acutely aware of how much movement his body was making. He continually caught his fingers tapping on the counter-top and would put his hands on his lap, only then his knee would start bouncing. BB-8 had grabbed his foot with a little claw to keep it still. 

“You’re not helping.”

The droid whistled shrilly.

Poe pointed a finger at him. “That was rude.”

Eventually, the bar droid placed a small cup in front of him without a word. Poe watched it briefly, but it no longer acknowledged him, chirping out a chipper greeting to a Talz that had just entered. 

Inside the cup was a small data drive.

Poe watched it a moment, wondering if he shouldn’t pretend to take a drink. Instead, he counted to one hundred, grabbed the drive, and made his way out of the cantina. 

The crowds had died down slightly, apparently having gone through a shift change when he first entered. Still, there was a steady current of aliens traveling down the narrow passageways. Poe let himself be directed by them, hoping to blend in as much as possible until he chanced upon a more private setting. 

They passed through a small market place, where the citizens of the station haggled over used equipment and fried food. The walk became suffocating as it was apparent that the stalls had not initially been considered as part of the station’s original layout, leaving the travelers packed shoulder to shoulder. 

A small fist fight broke out, knocking over a fruit stand. This led to several individuals grabbing the wayward Jogan fruit and making a run for it, leaving the owner cursing in what he thought was Huttese. 

Poe took the momentary chaos as an opportunity to stray from the beaten path, taking a narrow passageway that was lined with piping and probably served as more of a maintenance access. It widened out at the middle, opening up to a chamber that was filled with steam drifting from various vents rising up through dozens of levels. BB-8 just barely managed to roll through, leaving him somewhat confident that they would be alright for the time being. 

“Alright, buddy,” he said, taking a knee before BB-8 and handing out the drive. “Let’s see what you can make of this.”

BB-8 beep in acknowledgement, taking the drive. It only took a moment for his systems to process the data, producing a hologram of a still image – a young woman looking over her shoulder, face slightly blurred – and a few sentences of info. 

“Arrived on the station in an unauthorized Republic ship,” Poe mumbled, confused by how random the information seemed to be. “Logs wiped clean. Dock personnel unable to locate. Incident on level eighty-two involving half a dozen casualties potentially tied to her. I don’t know, this seems like a lot of loosely connected stuff. How do we know it’s her?”

His droid whistled and another image appeared, this one dated for the incident in Canto Bight. The projection wasn’t nearly as clear as the first, but Poe could tell it was clearly the same woman. 

“Alright,” Poe acknowledged, standing up at the holograms disappeared. “So, now we just have to find her…in the middle of all this. Yeah, no problem.”

The droid beeped.

“Yes, I know I said it would be worth it.”

Poe ran a hand over his face. It wouldn’t have been the first time he was wrong. 

“Is that a BB-series astromech?!” 

Startled by the sudden voice, Poe almost pulled the blaster hidden in his jacket, but was able to restrain himself long enough to get a good look at the boy that was now watching them from the opening. 

He couldn’t have been older than ten, staring at them with curious hazel eyes and a grin nearly too big for his face. His blonde hair stuck up in all directions, his clothes were covered in grease and grime, and in his hand, he held a single Jogan fruit, clearly having taken advantage of the tussle as well. 

BB-8 whistled, his head bobbing back and forth like a proud little shake. 

“How did you get one here?” the boy asked, darting out from the narrow passageway and fallen to his knees in front of the droid. “Last decent looking droid I saw got scrapped for parts within the hour.”

Ignoring the cries of panic from his friend, Poe actually smiled at the kid. At least someone around the area hadn’t had their spirits dampened yet. 

“Beebee-Ate isn’t about to go down with out a fight, and trust me, this guy’s got a lot of it in him,” he replied, patting the droid.

“Has he seen a lot of action?”

Poe shrugged. “A skirmish or two. Nothing he couldn’t handle.”

BB-8 was practically humming from the attention. 

The boy looked up at him. “So, you’re not from around here. Why come to this place? We’re not exactly near anything.”

“Business.”

“What kind of business?”

Poe felt his eyes narrowing. “What’s with all the questions, kid?”

The boy shrugged, taking a bite from the Jogan. “I have to ask them.”

“Why?”

“I needed to distract you somehow,” he replied, eyes landing on something that was definitely behind him. 

Poe didn’t even get the chance to reach for his blaster before something struck the back of his knee, hard, and his leg crumpled to the ground. The other leg followed suit as something struck it as well, except when it hit the ground, he felt a mass remain there, applying pressure to his calf. It felt like a knee. 

An arm wrapped around his neck, squeezing. The pressure wasn’t enough to render him unconscious, but warned that the outcome was possible if he didn’t comply. 

A shot fired, an electrical burst striking BB-8. The poor droid short-circuited, his components shooting out haphazardly before his systems automatically shut down to prevent further damage to his internal drives. 

“Hey! What are you-” Poe choked as the arm squeezed tighter, making his vision pulse. He held his hands up in surrender. “Okay. Okay.”

The boy frowned. “Sorry.”

He felt the attacker’s hand reach under his jacket, securing the blaster. 

“Can I have it?” the boy asked, face lighting up briefly before he assumed the attacker gave him a look. The frown returned. “Okay.”

“So, I take it you’re the fugitive from the First Order, right?” Poe asked, risking further damage to himself, but the arm did not squeeze again. “I mean, you have to be. You’re not asking for any credits.”

There was no response.

“You didn’t shoot me, which is nice. Means you don’t want me dead. And if you don’t want me dead, that means I have something you want, right?”

Still nothing. 

“You know, I’ve never been good at these guessing games. You’re gonna have to speak u-”

Their free hand slapped against his forehead, pulling his head back until he had a good – albeit upside down – view of their face. 

And there she was, the woman in the hologram. 

She was young, somewhere around his age, though the stern look on her face made her look older. Her dark hair was falling out of a bun, framing a bruised face – the incident wasn’t completely one sided then – and equally dark eyes. 

“Do all members of the Resistance talk this much?”

“No. Just me,” he mumbled. “I’ve been told it’s a problem.”

She sighed and shoved his head forward again.

“Get the droid,” she ordered. The boy dropped his fruit and immediately went to BB-8, pushing all his components back in place.

Poe watched it happen, slowly moving his free leg to the side. If he could just knock her off balance, he might have a chance. 

When the time felt right, he clasped her arm with both hands and pushed with his leg, careening them both to the side. Using his weight against her, Poe made her land on her back, the force of his shoulders striking her chest causing her arm to release him. 

He scrambled out of her grasp, rolling to the side, but the woman recovered fast. Poe felt her hands grasp the back of his jacket, halting his escape attempt and pulling him back. She swung her leg over his body, sitting on his chest, this time not bothering to ease the pressure. Breathing was difficult. 

She pointed a blaster at him. 

“Using the stun setting within two feet of a target causes irreparable damage to the nervous system,” the woman said, the words tumbling from her mouth without a single inflection, as if she was reciting it from a lesson. “You won’t be doing that again.”

Poe Dameron couldn’t help but wonder if General Organa wasn’t suddenly feeling smug at that moment.

@marvelousthronewars​ Look a present for youuuuu.

[purplesurveys]

888

Are you tired? Are you taking this survey because you can’t sleep? No. I had 11 hours of sleep last night so I’ve felt awake for most of today haha. It’s only 7 PM, I don’t have to go to bed yet; plus if I couldn’t sleep, I’d rather have a show playing in the background.

Do you have something important to do? Graduate. The virtual university-wide grad is on the 26th while the virtual graduation for my college is happening in early August (holy shit it’s going to be August?!). After that I’m pretty much thrust into the ~real world~

Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? They’re okay, but I don’t like Cheetos to begin with. I’ve had a few flavors though and if I had to eat a whole bag I’d want it to be the jalapeño one because I like it the best.

Do you wish you had a new phone? Sure, but just because I always want to have the latest Apple phone. I love my iPhone 8, though.

Name one thing you ate today? Spicy instant noodles. It didn’t feel spicy enough for me after I had a few bites, so I added a lot of sriracha sauce. Not only was it a lot spicier, it tasted a whole lot better too so there’s no regrets there.

Do you like 80’s music? 60’s music? 90’s music? I don’t really like older music so I honestly don’t enjoy any of these decades when it comes to songs. I suppose there are several punk rock albums I like that were released in the 80s and 90s, but that’s all for me.

Do you find rap music annoying? If the rap style is already bordering on spoken word or if the artist is just simply reciting the verses, I can find it annoying. There has to be a certain speed or rhythm for me to enjoy it, like how Eminem or Jay-Z raps.

What song is stuck in your head? Heaven Is A Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle thanks to the 80s music question. Always a good song to get stuck in my head.

Have you ever been to Germany? I haven’t.

Do you drink coffee in the mornings? No, just water. I prefer my coffees in the afternoon or evening; I’d hate feeling jumpy and palpitate-y in the morning.

Do you become a fan of lots of things on Facebook? I used to be a fan of so many pages, even of those that I only remotely liked, so my feed was clogged for a bit. That was like eight years ago though, and now my list is just down to brands or people I genuinely enjoy and want to support.

What time do you go to bed on school/work nights? For the most part I made sure I’m in bed by 9 or 9:30, but for more hectic and work-heavy weeks, I’d give myself until midnight.

Have you ever seen a therapist? I haven’t. I know I need to, but there are other more pressing things I’d rather spend my money on.

Do you get in trouble at school often? Not at all, and if I did it’s only because I was talking in class. In my old school they would hunt down girls suspected of being in a same-sex relationship, and our guidance office would even employ secret spies within each batch to spy on each of us and relay to our counselors the names of those who were probably bi or gay. The guidance office keeps a list of names for each batch, and each name would be called throughout the year so that they can confront the student and pressure them to come out. It’s the culture here and it’s fucking revolting.

I hated the system so much that I deliberately showed off my relationship with Gabie so that they’d put me on their list and so that I could act like a smartass once I got called to the guidance office. That’s how done I was with the school. But idk. Gab and I were excelling academically and each of us took on certain leadership roles within the school, and we were generally seen as responsible students. I guess that was enough for them to just let us go.

Do you watch videos on YouTube? A lot of them, lol.

Name a song that makes you happy. Still Into You - Paramore

Name a song that makes you want to dance. Formation - Beyoncé

Name a song that brings back memories. Sparks - Coldplay

Does the song above bring back good or bad memories? Definitely good. It’s a romantic song, so.

What decade do you think is the best musically? I dunno. I feel like each decade had their own specialty, like disco for the 70s, pop for the 80s, etc. so it’d be hard to judge which decade was the best for music across the board.

Do you take a long time to get ready in the mornings? Not at all. I wait till the last minute for me to get out of bed, so when I’m up I only have like 10, 15 minutes to prepare.

Do you wear a lot of makeup? No, I never wear makeup unless I’m headed to a party or a formal occasion.

Have you ever written poetry or fiction? I’ve written poems only for class. I tried my hand in fanfiction when I was around 14, but I was horrible, I didn’t like it, and I quit after the first chapter.

Do you know how to read music? Nope.

Do you regularly use a blow dryer? Nah, only for special occasions where my mom prefers to fix and style up my hair.

When was the last time you went to church? First week of March, before the lockdown.

Would you date someone who was a different religion than you? No. I’d rather be with someone who was atheist/agnostic, but still open to talk about and maybe even debate on religion.

What is your best subject in school? History, English, English grammar, statistics.

Name something you do nearly everyday. Take a survey, at least during the quarantine.

Do you take surveys a lot? Yeah but my enthusiasm wavers. Some days I’ll take one and other days I’ll take four or five.

Have you ever had sushi? Yeah. I make it a point to have it a few times a month. Loooove sushi.

[daughterofsarenrae]

TAZ College AU

(Modern with Magic)

“Barry Bluejeans" is Sildar Hallwinter's drunk alter ego

Barry meets the twins at a party, where they instantly taking a liking to each other. Also like. Lup is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and Barry is so thankful he’s Barry right now and not Sildar

They don't see each other for a while- it was an end of year party and Sildar goes home for summers

Sildar is Kravitz’s best friend and roommate, originally by circumstance- there aren’t many theoretical necromancy students to begin with, but they've been roommates since second semester freshman year, so they're pretty close now.

Sildar TA's an intro to necro class. Except he recognizes a face- its Lup. He introduces himself as Sildar, of course, because that's his real human name, not Barry Bluejeans.

So, naturally, Lup’s first thought is, "This must be Barry's twin! Hell yeah twin solidarity!"

Some parties happen here and there, the twins hang out with Barry some more

Sildar doesn't know what's happening until Lup asks him after class one day to tell Barry hello, and is he going to the party this weekend?

Sildar, internally: ????????? Is this code? Does she know I'm Barry? Does she think that I'm NOT Barry?? Sildar, externally, panicking: "I'll ask him!"

What does he do now?? It's FAR too awkward to go back and say "hey you told me to tell Barry something but I AM Barry, surprise, no reason why I didn’t tell you that earlier haha."

Can't have that.

Sildar goes back to his room. Explains to Kravitz, who finds it hilarious. He's too much of a Dramatic Gay to encourage Sildar to just explain things. “I wonder how long we can get them to think that you and Barry are twins and not the same person?? We have to test this, it’s for science.”

A few more parties happen. Lup and Taako tell Barry to tell Sildar that he should come to a party! They can have Twin Time! It'll be fun!!

Barry, free of Sildar's reservations: “Hell yeah, he always goes to the toga party, I'll bring him then!”

Sildar the next morning: ....FUUUUUUU-

Krav, in the meantime, is enjoying these shenanigans bc he spends the parties hanging with Barry & the twins, and Taako is cute as hell. BUT he begins to worry that if the twins find out Sildar has been lying to them, they won't hang out anymore. The stakes are on. This HAS to stay a secret.

Krav & Sildar enact a complicated plan that involves costume switches (Barry only wears denim, Sildar never does) and taking advantage of shitty lighting and loud music. (It’s a toga party, so Barry’s toga is. Just. made of denim. Sildar’s is the much more respectable bed sheet.) At first Sildar wants to have Barry wear glasses and Sildar contacts, but the idea is quickly scrapped. “I’ll just mess with my hair a bit I guess.”

Party happens. There's a lot of "oh, you just missed him!" And "I've never seen twins have such a hard time sticking together!" from Taako and Lup, who are very clearly enjoying themselves.

Sildar is. Stressed. He's drinking water only tonight, because it's easier to fake being drunk while sober than the other way around.

At some point in the night, Lup sees denim-toga-Barry and calls him Sildar several times during the conversation. “Barry” doesn’t notice and continues responding as Sildar.

"I mean, uh, fuck, sometimes WE forget which twin we are haha, uh, where did Sildar go, wait, fuck I mean. We changed clothes? I wanted to wear the denim toga? I’m Sildar i don’t know where Barry went uhhhh anyway, I'm gonna go find him-"

Lup and Taako finally break. They've known about Sildar/Barry from almost the beginning. They wanted to see how far Sildar would go to keep up the ruse.

Lup got Barry’s cellphone number at the party, but the same phone was listed on the intro to necro syllabus. Lup had Angus, her faculty advisor’s kid who’s always at the college and who she and Taako have basically adopted by this point, look into the matter. (That kid knows people who know people. There is a well defined spy network throughout the college that Angus can rely on for information. He charges for his services, but he does pro bono work for the twins in return for cooking and magic lessons. His parent has no idea this is happening, they think Angus spends his time at the college doing like. Coloring books or something in the library.)

They're like, crying on the ground laughing @ Sildar/Barry

Who takes his revenge by grabbing both their drinks and downing them. He normally paces himself, but Sildar has had a stressful night, ok? He needs this.

They end up crashing at Sildar & Krav's place for the night, since it's closest

Sildar and Krav are definitely not stressing out over the 2 most attractive people at the school crashing on their dirty, floral print couch from the 70's they got from goodwill for $10

The twins make breakfast the next morning. Kravitz and Sildar, who between them have the culinary skills necessary for making ramen and boxed mac and cheese, contemplate kidnapping the twins so they can make breakfast every morning from now on.

Over breakfast the twins are just putting Barry (they refuse to call him Sildar anymore) on blast. Kravitz tries to join in until Barry calls him out for encouraging him.

"Lup please I'll give you 5 bonus points on your next exam p l e a s e don’t call me Barry Bluejeans in class.”

Anyways as they hangout more Taakitz and Blupjeans happen, but Barry & Lup don’t do fucking anything about it for 5 years. Taako and Kravitz are pulling their hair out over it.

Taako and Kravitz move in together the next semester, and it just makes sense that instead of buying a new place, Krav comes to live with Taako and Lup takes Krav’s old room with Sildar. And yet they STILL won’t admit they like each other. It’s infuriating.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

Weird time to ask this but, stuff they would do with S/O while stuck the snowy mountains of Arendelle for 24 hours (lets just say the dark corridors are under maintenance or something :P ).

I feel like it goes without saying that the discord group was a big part in helping with this.

Xemnas

Not exactly affected by the cold.  He likes to stick to a schedule so he’ll more than likely be annoyed that the weather threw a wrench in his plans.  He won’t really tolerate hearing you complain, but will do his best to care for you by demanding that someone fetch you some blankets because he knows that you’re cold.  Will probably end up having a tall glass of whiskey as he sits by the fire and waits out the snow.

Xigbar

I don’t know what to tell you other than the fact that you guys are going to end up having sex at some point.  He says it’s the only way you’ll stay warm and you know it’s bullshit, but I mean, you aren’t exactly going to turn down his offer.

Xaldin

Loves being snowed in!!! It takes a while for him to unwind because he’s usually stuck in a mission mindset, but he’ll settle pretty quickly when he realizes that the two of you are snowed in for a while. Xaldin is naturally about the quiet life, so he would probably love to sit with you and watch the snow fall outside the window with you curled up in his arms.  He likes just enjoying the silence together.  A big quiet man who likes being alone with the one he loves.

Vexen

Doesn’t understand why you’re complaining because he doesn’t really feel the cold and the snow.  Insists on finishing the mission because he doesn’t think the weather is that bad, so he’ll drag you out into the snow until you’re basically about to freeze to death.  He’ll notice your lips and fingertips are turning blue and realize that maybe he went a little overboard.  He’ll bring you inside and spend the rest of the night helping you warm up near the fireplace.

Lexaeus

Would try on several attempts to dig the two of them out of the snow because neither of you like being trapped in confined spaces, no matter how big they are.  Will apologize profusely, but it’s really not his fault.  You’ll happily spend the rest of the night cuddled up to your big teddy bear boyfriend to stay warm.

Zexion

Snowy weather is perfect for Zexion, honestly, and he takes the news of being snowed in pretty easily.  He kind of shuts you out at first, but he doesn’t mean to do so.  He’s trying to relax while he can and sits and reads in front of a nice, roaring fire.  Notices his S/O is feeling bad and is getting cold because of the chill in the air so he opens his arms and urges her over, knowing that you both could use the company.  You curl up under blankets and lay your head in his lap or curl up against his chest and listen as he reads out loud to you.  You’ll probably end up falling asleep at some point, but it’s so relaxing that he ends up falling asleep with you.

Saix

He has a chance to take a break but he doesn’t.  He’ll still be working even if he’s sitting down on a sofa and trying to stay warm.  Will definitely be making a list of what the two of you need to do in the morning.  It takes a while for you to make him relax because he’s pretty stressed about not being able to complete his assignment in a timely fashion.

Axel

Honestly one of the best people to get stuck with because he’s really chill and laid back about it all. He’ll just shrug and say something like “well, we might as well make the most of it because there’s nothing else we can do.”  He’ll probably make you go out and play in the snow with him to have a snowball fight or make a snowman, then drag you inside for hot cocoa and (maybe naked?) cuddles.

Demyx

Would complain because he likes to get missions done as soon as possible, but he gets over pretty quickly when he realizes that you’re stuck together.  Gets pretty excited about a night off!!!  It’s a giant slumber party, so what’s there to be mad about? You play a couple of games and just do general cute couple stuff before falling asleep together.

Luxord

Would sigh in resignation at the weather but settle in for a long night with you. Will pull out a deck of cards out of nowhere and make up some sort of excuse to play a few games.  It’s not like the two of you have anything else to do, right? He might even have some liquor that he keeps in a flask in his pocket, so after a few shared sips, you might end up playing a fun round of strip poker.  It’s okay, though.  You end up getting warm enough in the end.

Marluxia

Becomes a hopeless mess whenever the weather gets below 70 degrees Fahrenheit.  He’s just a delicate flower and pretty much wilts like his plants.  Literally can’t do anything when it’s cold so you’ll probably end up taking care of him since he’s miserable.  You’ll have to wrap him up into a ton of blankets and listen to him complain for hours on end despite the fact that there’s nothing that the two of you can do about the weather.

Larxene

Doesn’t like being cold and would probably complain continuously when she realizes that the two of you are stuck there.  She’ll yell and pace through the room, but then she’ll get tired and collapse on the sofa with you.  It’ll devolve into a late night talk about nothing in particular and by morning, the two of you have grown closer.  She won’t bring up the conversation again, though.

Roxas

Would probably find something to do for the two of you to pass the time because he gets bored easily and he needs something to keep his attention occupied.  Whether it’s I Spy or a pillow fight or something silly like that, being snowed in with Roxas ends up being pretty fun.

Xion

Doesn’t like being trapped in certain places for long periods of time.  They make her nervous.  You’ll try to distract her as best as you can, but the two of you will probably just end up curled up in front of the fire chatting and cuddling.

[chuckscherubs]

(via Charlie’s Angels 2019: See Kristen Stewart in Elizabeth Banks’ remake | EW.com)

Charles Townsend, the titular Charlie of Charlie’s Angels, has turned the Townsend Agency into heaven on earth. No, really: In director Elizabeth Banks’ upcoming take on the elite all-women crime-fighting team, the camera-shy millionaire doling out missions has become — by conservative estimate — a gazillionaire.

It’s only logical. As Banks puts it, her update isn’t a reboot or a remake of the beloved franchise, but rather a “continuation” that incorporates the events of the original 1970s TV series and the McG-directed 2000s films. And so, she imagines, in the more than 40 years since Charlie assembled his first trio of Angels, he must have given his operation a makeover. “If you were rich in 1976, you only got richer,” Banks, who co-wrote the script, says with a laugh. “Charles Townsend is richer than ever, so he’s grown the business into a global spy agency.”

His expanded roster includes the crew at the center of Banks’ story: Sabina Wilson (Kristen Stewart), the hard-partying, highly skilled wild card; Jane Kano (Ella Balinska), the ex-MI6 muscle of the group; and Elena Houghlin (Aladdin’s Naomi Scott), the MIT-trained scientist who, Banks says, serves as “the heart of the movie.”

Charlie’s call takes them around the world, with stops in Istanbul, Hamburg, and Berlin, but amid all the globe-trotting, Banks was most invested in showcasing the trio’s teamwork. “It was important to me to make a movie about women working together and supporting each other, and not make a movie about their romantic entanglements or their mother they don’t call enough,” she says. “When I’m at work, I don’t talk about those things. I get on with my job. It felt important to do that for the Angels, to treat them with the respect their skill set demands.” Judging by this first look? Mission accomplished.

WHO’S THE BOSLEY?

Banks, Patrick Stewart, and Djimon Hounsou, that’s who. In Charlie’s history, multiple actors playing multiple characters named Bosley have aided the Angels. To Banks, it felt natural to upgrade the name into a title. “‘Bosley’ is now a rank in the organization, like lieutenants,” she says. “All of the Angels have been played by different women and have had different names, but the Bosley character was always named Bosley no matter who played him. We thought, ‘Well, that must mean it’s more than a name.’” Above, her Bosley helps Stewart’s Sabina gear up.

DRESS TO IMPRESS

It wouldn’t be Charlie’s without Angels going undercover. Here, Sabina (Stewart) suits up at a Turkish derby, where the trio tail a target until “chaos ensues, as it always does,” Banks teases. That chaos, though, won’t look like the over-the-top sequences of the 2000s films; the director says she took a “grounded” approach to stunts: “I wanted to make them distinct from superheroes, aliens, and mythological creatures that are in a lot of action movies now.”

In fact, the Mission: Impossible franchise’s blend of grit and humor inspired her group’s dynamic. “We talked a lot about [those movies],” Banks says. “Those films work best when the team is together, when Ving Rhames is in it, and Simon [Pegg] is in it, and Rebecca Ferguson. That sensibility really matters to me.”

TOP SECRET

When asked what Noah Centineo (To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’s breakout star) is doing in this scene with Balinska’s Jane, Banks gets tight-lipped. “I don’t want to give too much away about Noah,” she says of his character, Langston, “but he’s a friend mostly to Naomi’s character.” The Angels clearly have plenty of allies, but that doesn’t mean they can’t accomplish their goals on their own. “I mean, women can do anything,” Banks says. “That’s not just my personal belief. That’s the core belief of Charlie’s Angels.”

POWER-FUL REUNION

The last time Banks collaborated with Scott, in 2017’s Power Rangers, she played supervillainess Rita Repulsa to Scott’s Pink Ranger. This time, they’re on the same side: Banks costars as one of the Bosleys (see above) assisting Scott’s Elena, who plays a pivotal role in catalyzing the central mission. “I wanted somebody who I felt the audience wants to root for,” Banks says of casting Scott. “She’s getting to be this Everywoman who’s also very fun and very funny.”

GIRL POWER GALORE

Banks’ film marks the first Charlie’s entry on the big screen to be helmed by a female director. “It’s a really exciting moment for female-driven films,” she says, citing Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel as recent examples of box-office successes. “Audiences are really looking for those aspirational stories about real and relatable characters, and I think the women in my movie are definitely real and relatable, but most importantly, I think they’re really fun.”

They’re certainly having fun: Just look at Sabina’s array of wardrobe (and identity) changes across these photos. “I wanted Kristen to show off a side of herself you don’t often see in her movies,” Banks points out. “She’s really funny in this.”

GOOD MORNING, ANGELS

John Forsythe, the voice of the Angels’ enigmatic boss in the ’70s series and the 2000s films, passed away in 2010. But don’t worry: Banks has a plan for her installment’s Charlie. “The voice will sound very familiar to you,” she teases. “We tried to emulate John Forsythe’s voice as best as we could. We want a real sense of continuity in the movie.” After all, as seen in the image above, the Angels answer the call.

[merryfortune]

Heaven Is Not A Place On Earth: Outline

This is a fic I’m never going to write but I do have it outlined to 89% completion, I figured that I would share it so interested parties could have a glimpse into what could have been~

my outline is a list which contains 100+ items so be careful when you open up the post. also, warnings for adultery, murder & character deaths

1.      Mieru divines the blessed army to lead against the Academia Invasion but also Zarc’s Scourge

2.      Reiji takes Reira from their room; Mieru muses on how its strange that the Queen wanted another child in the wake of Ray’s death

3.      The three of them are then joined by Tsukikage who brandishes his teleportation ARM

4.      The four arrive at a safe place for Reiji to conduct the Monban Pierrot ritual

5.      Whilst that is happening, Mieru passes the time by doing some fortune telling in order to divine what kind of person(s) the Legendary Hero is going to be; she has some light-hearted moments imagining a musclebound hero, a charming hero, but also anxieties about a hero being malevolent rather than beneficial to the army

6.      Yuya and Yuzu are summoned

7.      Mieru is Shaken™ because she’s had dreams about Yuya and done seances, trying to contact him and realises that Yuya is her soul mate

8.      Yuya talks about how his father went missing as a child and how his father would talk to him about Marchen before he went missing; Yuzu verifies

9.      Reiji has his suspicions especially since Yuya looks very similar to a travelling magician Reiji met once as a child prior to his father’s court being dissolved and his father escaping because of war crimes

10.  Their army grows from four to six and Reiji muses about how that means there are four members left to find

11. Reiji charts a course for them when Tsukikage receives a message from his brother talking about raids happening against them; he thinks it might be related to Zarc’s Scourge

12.  (spoilers, it’s not: its Shun & Yuto)

13.  Reiji hosts a meeting with the vassals and speak with victims of the scourge; he tells Mieru to look after their “guests” plus Reira

14.  Yuya and Yuzu are treated to some assimilation in the city to help them less stand out and also equip them with the necessary means to fight in this world given that they were summoned to be soldiers

15.  Yuzu gets separated from the group; she encounters Yuto

16.  Yuya gets separated from the group; he encounters Sora

17.  Shun picks a fight with Reiji when he separates from the group

18.  They get into a fight and Reiji remembers Mieru’s prophecy regarding the hunting bird and the dove

19.  Yuzu, Yuya, and Sora all meet up

20.  Mieru is panicking but eventually regroups with the others; Sora disappears afterwards and makes Suspicious Comments about Yuzu and Yuya being so friendly with a witch

21.  Yuya gets defensive and asks why Sora would say such cruel things about the crown princess of Keldea

22.  Sora goes :0 and then >:3 in reaction to that and then excuses himself

23.  Mieru has a reaction to that probably

24.  They rejoin with Reiji again who announces that they have a bird to hunt for sport

25.  Reiji vs Shun PART TWO, HELL YEAH

26.  Reiji wins and the peanut gallery – namely Yuya and Yuzu – are gobsmacked by how powerful those little trinkets are

27.  Shun is thoroughly defanged by the match and swears his allegiances because he knows now that Reiji is unaffiliated with Academia

28.  Shun joins the Lancers

29.  Reiji decides that their next course of action will be to recruit “the nobleman” but he has no idea who that is, but he has a sneaking suspicion that it’s the one nobleman that he can’t stand because Fates is Hashtag Like That

30.  So, he organises a meeting with said nobleman

31.  And his suspicions are proven correct

32.  Some sort of Sawatari side quest begins

33.  Yuya and Yuzu get a moment to shine/use their ARMs and it turns out that shit is way harder than the pros make it look

34.  Some sort of Sawatari side quest ends

35.  Army grows to eight: leaving only the spy, the defector, and the strongman

36.  Gongenzaka side quest begins

37.  Tsukikage and Mieru get the chance to have a Big Damn Heroes Moment inside of it, probably

38.  Yuto also probably reappears at some point to go “Shun, what the fuck?” and “oh, hi Yuzu, you look really pretty today”

39.  Gongenzaka side quest ends

40.  He, Yuzu, and Yuya get along really well

41.  Their movement begins to attract the attention of Academia

42.  Thus introducing Serena who wants to prove her worth but everyone’s like “oh kitten, not now, dearest” and she resents that

43.  Serena attempts to take the head of Prince Reiji

44.  She is inadvertently intervened by Yuzu who just wants some hash tag girl time with a girl she doesn’t loathe since Mieru is really not that subtle about her crush on Yuya

45.  Serena learns that Academia is… Not Good

46.  They split up??? IDK maybe Shun chases her off or something only to go “wait, shit, was that Ruri??”

47.  Serena’s bodyguard (what’s his face) tries to find her and bring her back

48.  Serena fends him off for a while but fails

49.  But luckily, it’s Reiji’s turn (again) for a Bid Damn Heroes moment and Serena is like “oh god, oh fuck, he’s kind of hot for a skinny prick”

50.  Reiji then successfully recruits Serena

51.  And also escalates Academia into progressing the war games

52.  Whilst that’s happening, Yuya is having an identity crisis because of Yuto

53.  And then Yugo shows up and that identity crisis doubles

54.  Zarc’s Scourge begins to… be a thing

55.  Anyway, Sora sorts them out and then flees when the rest of the Lancers who are capable of fighting turn up

56.  The following day people have no idea what’s going on

57.  And to make matters worse, Reiji receives a formal invite to the War Games

58.  The date has been chosen, and he’s looking at his army and they’re all dumbasses, so he has Mieru prepare a training trip for them

59.  Implied training montage

60.  And that brings us to the date of the War Games, so they head to the location of the War Games in the Citadol or whatever

61.  Introducing Melissa Claire to the scene; she’s going to be our host for the War Games

62.  They arrive and Reiji is lowkey stressed because they’re missing a member and they have no idea what’s going on

63.  But oh hey look, Dennis is here.

64.  Flashback establishing Dennis’ relationship with Reiji and Mieru as the royal court jester of Keldea

65.  Dennis “offers” to be the extra set of hands Reiji needs and Reiji is highkey suspicious, but you know what? Adult life is already so goddamn weird, this may as well happen

66.  Mieru has a dumbass moment here probably regarding Dennis

67.  Anyway, there’s a trumpet sequence and out come Sora, bouncing and happy, eating candy, saying hello to his dear friends Yuya and Yuzu but uh oh…

68.  He’s revealed to be a part of Academia’s entourage

69.  The Professor, The Tyler Sisters, Yuri, Edo, [name], a Brainwashed Rin and Ruri also appear

70.  Melissa begins to explain how the War Games will work

 The War Games will proceed until one side has lost more than half their players

 Losing players are killed or treated as though they have been killed

At some point, every member of the team has to have been on the field in the duel

 If a Captain (so Reiji or the Professor) loses then the War Games are over, no matter how premature but there is a ban on either of them entering the fray until at least day four.

A dice will decide which players fight and when

Environments for the duels are chosen “at random”

71.  And then she has a light bulb moment when she notices something remiss regarding Academia. Melissa points out that Academia technically doesn’t have players for the War Game

72.  The Professor smirks and says “They’re here, give them a moment”

73.  Dennis has a shifty moment

74.  Melissa declares the War Games feast open and that the matches will begin tomorrow

75.  Round 1: Sawatari vs Edo

76.  Sawatari astounds everyone and manages to win the match

77.  Round 2: Shun vs Sora

78.  Lancers win

79.  Round 3: Mieru & Dennis vs Yuri & Sora

80.  Dennis risks revealing himself to be the spy and aides Yuri and Sora by throwing the match

81.  Mieru loses and Reiji is like “oh shit, maybe I do have feelings for my fiancé, even though I have been technically cheating on her”

82.  Additionally, Reiji realises that “the spy” from Mieru’s prophecy is not a spy working for him, like he had hoped/otherwise thought

83.  Round 4: Shun and Tsukikage vs The Tyler Sisters

84.  Lancers win and the Tyler Sisters are severely punished for it

85.  Leo kills them in cold blood in front of everyone and it finally sinks in for Yuya and Yuzu that Marchen isn’t as fluffy as they thought it was

86.  Round 6: Gongenzaka vs Dennis

87.  Lancers win and Dennis, at least temporarily, kills himself off-screen but Gongenzaka finds his suicide note or equivalent

88.  Round 7: Serena vs [her old bodyguard]

89.  Round 8: Yuya & Yuzu vs Rin & Ruri

90.  Lancers win and manage to break the spell Rin & Ruri were under

91.  Shun and Ruri have a heartfelt reunion

92.  Reiji steps in before anything can happen to Rin, so she finds asylum with the lancers

93.  Rin is amnesiac now??? Maybe???

94.  Final Round: Reiji & Yuya vs The Professor & Yuri

95.  Lancers win and Reiji goes to murder Leo and Yuya is like “bitch what the fuck, you can’t kill him, he’s your father”

96.  And Reiji’s like “well I have to; he broke one of the most important laws of Keldea

97.  Reiji proceeds to kill Leo in front of Yuya

98.  Yuya goes berserk

99.  Reiji has an “oh shit” moment

100.                      Yuri, who was barely standing, also goes berserk

101.                      Reiji realises there is an unexpected element in his father’s plan: it wasn’t just total domination of Keldea and Marchen, there was something else which even Reiji didn’t know about and it’s too late now to ask him what his goal is because he’s a corpse

102.                      Yuzu manages to calm Yuya

103.                      Serena manages to calm Yuri

104.                      The War Games are over, but Reiji still needs to quell Zarc’s scourge, especially since something is Wrong

105.                      Rin tells him about Yugo and Reiji begins to wonder

106.                      Four boys; four girls: Zarc and Ray – is it all connected? Can it all be connected?

107.                      He and Mieru have a deep and meaningful on the topic

108.                      Yugo returns to plot somehow???

109.                      Stuff happens???

110.                      Final confrontation with Yu-Boys vs Yu-Girls

111.                      Ray resurrects via Reira somehow

112.                      Zarc is defeated

113.                      Relationships are somehow resolved

114.                      Happily ever after :)

[defensefilms]

I Cringe At Everything Kyrie Irving Says

Yo,bro. I can’t with this man anymore.

And when bro goes and brings up Africa, like fam, why do ya’ll only mention Africa when it’s time to fake virtue signal for the conspiracy nonsense? 

I speak for all Africans when I say, we are tired of being used by conspiracy theorists for bullshit arguments being bandied by intellectually lazy people who watch too much Zeitgeist or Hidden Colors, or whatever other bullshit source you’re borrowing talking points from.

We have worked hard to give ourselves real educations in fields that are actually deserving of study, and we would like the virtue signalling to STOP!!!!!!!!!!

I also don’t think people are mad enough about the fact that this man did an entire post game press conference, and didn’t talk basketball at all. I know the media ask the questions, but the Nets are a losing team, so what’s the bet that Kyrie wants to dwell on that topic?

Here’s the thing. 

Essentially, what Kyrie Irving and Kanye West are talking about with regards to Israel is the same thing that got Jeremy Corbyn (a prominent UK politician), screwed over by his own political party, I wrote a blog about that if you want to read it. (click here)

My problem is that Kanye and Kyrie being the ones to say this, makes them seem something other than genuinely interested in what’s happening in that part of the world and that they only want to engage this topic because it is the political hot button topic of the moment, and if something else was as controversial they’d probably speak about that.

It’s not about what’s morally right to these guys. It’s about Search Engine Optimization, Algorithms, Monetization, and ensuring you’re associated with the content that guys like Alex Jones, Ben Shapiro, Dave Rubin, and yes ofcourse, Candace Owens, have created, because they’ve proven that you can monetize controversial speech, and advertisers will pay for it.

That’s why all these associations are so important to Kanye, and it appears they’re going to become important to Kyrie Irving too. 

I’m not enamoured with this trick. 

When I was in high school, if you tried to engage political discourse through the lense of a conspiracy theorist, you were laughed at, now the whole world is so dumbed down that conspiracy theories from the 60′s and 70′s have become normal political discourse.

The problem is that you live in the era of information and you can find better ways to inform your opinion than the lazy shit these guys are coming with.

You don’t have to lean on the globalist conspiracy because you can get better quality information than that, information that’s more specific. 

We don’t have to go looking for a multi-national corporation seeking to takeover the world because those have existed since colonialism. Frankly, if you know your history, that idea is already old.

We already know governments are capable of spying, and or silencing dissent among their people because the KGB already pulled that off in the 60′s.

You don’t need to believe that all the world’s powers are in cahoots because we already know that austerity exists, and so does cronyism, so does nepotism, and all the other hallmarks of unfairness/injustice.

Conversations like these are undermined by guys like Kanye and Kyrie, because if you think that guys that are involved in the selling of their own branded shoes make good revolutionaries or thought leaders, they don’t, they’re great for marketing though, even if they’re not really helping themselves.

It’s all fun and games until Kyries realizes he’s unwittingly teaming up with the right wing and the inevitable 180 when he realizes that republicans don’t buy Kyrie 7′s.

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

hi, hello, i’ve been sitting on this idea for a while and i was going to wait until june but with all these new characters i just got too excited ?! so, fuck it, i’m here now, i can’t help myself. for plots, feel free to message me here on tumblr or hmu on discord @ #kati7600, but check out her intro below the cut ! // ty @gallagherintro​

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

BACKGROUND.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down. 

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is...fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods. 

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kelali and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory – she reports her competition for illicit activities, and...perhaps she planted something in their locker idk!!! 

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way. 

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her ! 

languages she knows: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak. 

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch. 

bisexual but still not interested in you. 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY ! 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

SERENA TO HER BLAIR. literally her best friend ever, but they probably have a sort of on-off friendship because they’re strong personalities and get in each other’s business. however, when it comes down to it, they’ll always put the other first and they love each other immensely, would kill a man for the other. but they’re also pretty competitive too. 

GIRL SQUAD. i just want her to have a couple close girl friends that are all close...you know. i would love if one of them was more subdued and totally chill about everything, maybe a wallflower type, and then another that’s kind of nerdy ? but also cool, you know. i’m just dreaming. 

EX/BESTIE. aylin and this person used to date like forever ago, but mutually decided that they made better friends than romantic partners. they care about each other a lot, and they probably make jokes about how they USED to date. a healthy ex connection basically !

ON/OFF THING. because for every healthy ex i also want something kind of toxic. essentially it’s not good for either of them and they just keep going back to each other because, well, it’s a place of comfort or whatever. they drive each other fucking crazy though and no one can keep up with whether they hate each other’s guts today or if they’re all heart eyes.

SWORN ENEMY. but for a justified reason, like aylin probably screwed them over for something academic or even in a campus club or something. if your character went to a spy prep school, maybe they’re the person that aylin screwed out of the valedictorian role ? might submit a WC for that cause. fun.  

PROJECT. like my fair lady, be aylin’s eliza doolittle, let her she’s the man you, whatever. essentially, your character might by shy, nervous, or new to the spy world and aylin wants to give them a metaphoric ( or maybe even physical ! ) makeover and help them get acclimated, teach them the ways of the world. i’m also picturing that pic of the lesbians, u know what i mean. i can’t find it, but i google searched “girl doing the other girls makeup, gay” 

FORBIDDEN FRIENDSHIPS/LOVE. idk something totally not allowed. if this was sooner i’d want her ass to have a crush on a witness protection kid. however, her parents work for the turkish NIO, so perhaps your muse’s parents or family have been involved in something rivaling that so they’re not supposed to get along. 

MARRIED COUPLE FRIENDS. these are friends that are so close that they’re practically a married couple?? i’d love to do a platonic m/f thing with this, where they fight and get on to each other like they’re married but love each other like it too. lil grandparents of their friend group.

CRUSHER. someone who has a crush on her, probably because they’re fascinated with the idea of her and not her true problematic self. she’d probably be kinda rude to them and i’d love to plot this out long enough for that crush to turn to dislike once they recognize the selfish parts of her or notice she’s been making fun of them. maybe a flipped scenario.

ONE NIGHT STAND. maybe after a few too many drinks, they hooked up. something recent so we can make it super awkward and potentially funny. 

SET-UP. your character’s parents are close friend’s with aylin’s and they’re trying to set aylin up with your character. aylin and your character are NOT compatible at all and it’s hilarious. 

OVERSEAS. they met while they were both abroad together one summer, and they accidentally got into some trouble with international police maybe just for being too drunk on the streets or acting stupid, climbing stuff. aylin considers your character a liability and has avoided them since, disregarding the fun times they had.

RIVALS/ENEMIES WITH SEXUAL TENSION.

EXISTING CONNECTIONS.

NAZ FARHI. her cousin. the two of them don’t NOT get along...but aylin really thought she would come to a school and be the only one of her family members there and then naz showed up ! determined to make it clear that she’s the best. 

JO TRAN. rival/dislike. took one of the upper-level courses because she could and her attitude got on jo’s nerves because what doesn’t get on jo’s nerves. aylin’s just the epitome of everything that pisses jo off. 

KASSANDRA SUTTON. bad friend to. one of those friendships where one person takes more than they give, and it’s not ON PURPOSE, but kass is really just so easy to take advantage of, aylin’s ALWAYS running to her when she needs a favor.