#*slowly disintegrates*

[quietly-sleeping]

@artsarasp i've been trying to work on this for two weeks now lmao. I'm calling it done.

Sitting across from the being occupying the body of his oldest friend was a daunting experience, the memories of the “Scenario Pusher” haunted him. He could still feel it, the shattering of Xuan Su, the shattering of his soul. 

However, it wasn’t nearly as painful as the brief flash of what caused him to draw his sword, the large box with a short note. All it said was a name, but that was enough. Qi crackled through his meridians as his mind lingered on the vision of the box. The being was staring at him, it wasn’t smiling anymore. 

[Yue Qingyuan should not take any more Small Scenario Pushers.] The being was as close to frowning as Yue Qingyuan had seen it. It almost looked worried. “You have said that if we take these missions, you will restore Shen-shidi.” Yue Qingyuan nearly didn’t recognize his voice. It was flat, cold, broken.

[This system cannot allow Yue Qingyuan to continue.] The being was unnaturally still, even before Shen Qingqiu’s last major qi deviation, he was always moving, waving his fan, running his fingers along the edges of his robes. The Shen Qingqiu after the qi deviation was always moving as well, the being that wore his shidi’s face was still. 

“Why.” Yue Qingyuan just wanted this to stop, Mu Qingfang, Liu Qingge, and even Shang Qinghua had seen things because of this creature. Yue Qingyuan had never seen Mu Qingfang like that before, distraught and inconsolable, sobbing about a disaster and injuries he couldn’t heal. [This system has calculated that if Yue Qingyuan continues to take missions, he will continue to act OOC. This system cannot allow this.] 

Yue Qingyuan ignored the bite of his nails as they dug into the meat of his palms, “You’ve said this before, what does OOC mean?” Calm, he will remain calm, he will not lash out at the being holding his shidi’s body captive. [OOC is the act of a character acting outside of its setting.] The being’s face slowly returned to the unnatural smile it typically boasted. 

“Is that what we are to you? Characters in a story?” Yue Qingyuan couldn’t understand this being. [This system cannot answer that.] The being had its smile back, but the longer Yue Qingyuan stared, the more certain he was that he could see something in its face twitching. 

“Do you truly believe that we are static characters unable to change?” Yue Qingyuan barely held back the roiling fury in his body, the emotion was choking him, and his skin stung as his nails drew blood. [Characters are capable of change, however, large leaps of setting…can cause…] 

The being’s words stuttered to a stop, eyes blank as it stared at something over Yue Qingyuan’s shoulder. [Warning!] Yue Qingyuan flinched back as the being’s voice changed, so much louder and higher in pitch. [Unknown power is interfering with–] Yue Qingyuan jerked up, the being was choking on blood. 

“Call Mu Qingfang!” Yue Qingyuan yelled. Disciples were waiting outside the room and startled into action at the call of their Sect Leader, their feet thumping heavily on the ground as they rushed away. Blood was dripping from the being's mouth and eyes as it choked. Yue Qingyuan lunged around the table to reach for the being. 

But once his hand touched its robes, Yue Qingyuan’s vision stuttered. 

He wasn’t standing in the same room. Instead, he was standing in a butchered version of the bamboo house. He couldn’t recognize the materials or style the bamboo house had been combined with, it didn’t matter though, since he could see the man sitting on the bed. 

The man wore the greens and teals of Qing Jing, Yue Qingyuan lunged closer, desperate to touch and confirm it was Shen Jiu. However, as his hands landed on the man’s arms, all he could see were the differences between this man and the Shen Jiu he grew up with. His eyes, silently shedding tears as he stared down at something glowing in his lap, were brown, his lips, red and bitten, were fuller than Shen Jiu’s. 

Something jerked in Yue Qingyuan’s chest as he realized this man, the man inside Shen Jiu’s body, wasn’t the Shen Jiu Yue Qingyuan knew. This was a stranger. Yue Qingyuan’s hands flexed on his arms, fighting between the instinct to let go and the desire to shake him for information. Where was his Xiao Jiu, how long had this stranger been in his body? 

No, Yue Qingyuan knew how long, knew it with a certainty that rotted in the pits of his stomach. Yue Qingyuan’s hands tightened on the man’s arms, he didn’t know this man, this imposter wearing his shidi’s skin. However, as the man shuddered and curled over the glowing book in his lap, something in Yue Qingyuan reacted. 

It was an instinct ingrained in him since childhood since he could recognize the youth clinging to the faces covered in dirt, since he knew that the way they grew up wasn’t right. His hands curled around the man’s back, bringing this fake to lean against his chest. 

Yue Qingyuan very rarely felt revulsion when faced with people. Yet, with this man that he knew under the guise of his shidi, he couldn’t help the sickening jolt in his chest. Even as he smoothed a hand down the crying man’s back, he wished that instead of this man, it was Shen Jiu. He wished that the person they were struggling to free from the being was the man who truly owned the name Shen Qingqiu. 

“Why,” The man’s voice was rough, torn from silence the tears he’d shed. Yue Qingyuan grimaced, carefully rubbing the man’s back as hands came to lightly grip the front of his robes. “Why am I reading this endless tragedy? It makes no sense.” The man whispered. It didn’t seem like he expected Yue Qingyuan to respond, so he kept silent. 

Yue Qingyuan was staring at him, looking at the man’s vulnerable neck, it wouldn’t take much effort. Damaging the man while in his mind would deal a heavy blow. Would it be enough to allow Shen Jiu to take his body again? 

Was Shen Jiu even around? Had he left for good, like he thought Yue Qi had? Yue Qingyuan would deserve it, he’d deserve to be left behind because for months, years he had not known it wasn’t his shidi in his body. 

No. He did know, he knew this imposter took over Qing Jing Peak and his shidi’s body and said nothing. Because he was a coward, because he was selfish. He said nothing because he wanted the Shen Qingqiu who let him get close, who let him into his home without viciously digging his fingers into gaping wounds. The sect leader’s hand twitched from where it rested on the man’s back, the thought barely forming before the room around them shook.

He couldn't help the way his arms tightened around the man deliriously muttering to himself. It seems the qi deviation was getting worse, since blood was seeping through the walls, dripping steadily down them as the room shook again. Yue Qingyuan had pulled the man to his feet, keeping one arm around him as he eyed the effects of the qi deviation. 

Harming the man currently in the body of his shidi would only harm the body. Leaving the body’s cultivation unstable and potentially harming Shen Jiu’s chances of retaking his body. Hopefully, Mu-shidi has already reached them and is working to stabilize the qi deviation. Though, Yue Qingyuan thought with a grimace, he’d be thoroughly lectured on the dangers of touching a cultivator going through a qi deviation without knowing what kind it was or what caused it. 

Yue Qingyuan shuffled the man in his arms away from the bleeding walls as the room shuddered, glancing around he froze as he heard something other than the mumbles of the other man. Don’t you dare.

It hissed in his mind, the familiar tone freezing the blood in Yue Qingyuan’s veins. “Xiao Jiu?” He whispered, his eyes flicking around the room, desperate to catch a glance of the man’s silhouette. 

Don’t call me that. The voice snapped, it was him. Yue Qingyuan could feel everything in him relax for a moment. Even as the voice of his shidi hissed at him. It was fine, anything to prove Shen Jiu was still around. 

Now get out of here. Yue Qingyuan couldn’t see Shen Jiu, he could only see the blood dripping down the walls as they shuddered. “Shen-shidi,” He forced out, “Where are you?” Are you blind as well as stupid, Zhangmen-shixiong? The mocking voice slithered down his spine as he felt something grasp the back of his robes. It wasn’t the man in his arms, he was still clinging to the front of his robes with both hands. 

Yue Qingyuan went to turn, to see his shidi again after so long, but Shen Jiu’s voice stopped him dead. Don’t look. The hand tightened, and he could feel the tips of the fingers scratch against him. 

Listen to me. Shen Jiu said as if Yue Qingyuan wasn’t hanging onto every word, breathing them in almost greedily. You will leave here, and you will tell no one that it isn’t me you are trying to get back into control of this body. His voice was as close to calm as Yue Qingyuan had heard it in years. It lacked the usual undertone of mocking or derision, it made his eyes burn.

“Shen-shidi,” He wanted to complain, to beg his shidi, but the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth in front of Shen Jiu. You will listen. He hissed, something heavy coming to rest on the center of Yue Qingyuan’s back. He longed to press back into the feel of his shidi’s forehead, but the man in his arms kept him still. 

I may hate this, Shen Jiu began, However, I prefer this little idiot in control of our body to the machine keeping him hostage.  Shen Jiu’s words were nearly lost to the renewed shaking of the walls around them. Yue Qingyuan kept his eyes forward, but he ached to turn around. 

“Shen-shidi,” He began again, cut off by a sound of frustration from the man behind him. Shut up. If you don’t have to explain yourself, neither do I. The weight of his forehead vanished from Yue Qingyuan’s back and suddenly he was hanging on by a thread, only the weight of the hand twisted into the back of his robes holding him together. “I-” He couldn’t speak, nothing made it out of his tightened throat.

He tightened his grip on the man in his arms, at some point he had fallen silent, quietly resting for just a moment. Ask him his name. Was the last thing Yue Qingyuan heard before everything faded out.

It was just him, floating and lost in the darkness for the barest moments before he was falling into consciousness again. He snapped awake, sitting up quickly. It took only a moment to register where he was before he got up and left the private room on Qian Cao. He felt renewed and worn down. 

He couldn’t bring himself to be furious with the imposter in Shen Jiu’s body, not even the disgust and revulsion were there anymore. He was furious instead, with the being. The System. His shidi was in there, and he wanted Yue Qingyuan to bring him back. To give him back control over the body he was in. 

Yue Qingyuan could do it, he would do it. He would drag the being out of his shidi’s body and destroy it if he had to. And once the being was gone, he could begin to look for a way to separate souls. Two souls shouldn’t have to share a body, and Yue Qingyuan was willing to dig out Tianlang-jun if he must to build another body for the imposter. 

[shira-ceres]

Drdttober Day 2 : Monster

[jensensitive]

Dean in 2x12

[sentientsky]

you ever get so fixated on a piece of media that just consuming it normally isn’t enough? reading fic, creating art, posting about it isn’t enough? like. i need this shit implanted under my skin. i need to be bashed in the side of the skull with a blorbo-shaped rock. holy f uck

[faelapis]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[alicent-archive]

Free Tyland Lannister from the Targ administration.

[kayzean]

Prime really does just bring out that sonic hurtcomfort craving in me…

Plz don’t repost to other socials thanks!

Lighter bg under cut

[improbable-implosions]

This one's kinda funny, I went into affixing that patch SO sure that the design of that sword of mine, Arma, would be plenty for that patch, but the longer I stared at it doing other mends for these pants, the longer I felt it needed _something_ else, you know?

First up, we've got to stitch on the patch itself! I did some nice even straight stitches, because initially, I was planning on a little area of sashiko mending.

But, in looking at the size of the chunk of dissolvable backing I had cut, there wasn't really any patterns immediately springing to mind that'd work at a scale that small, or, so I thought after seeing how that basketweave pattern came together on an earlier piece. For context, the whole patch is roughly the size of the palm of my hand, at 3.5 inches square.

So, instead, I decided to try something a bit more complex to render than I'd really tried out before, this art of Arma! (Despite the sword's design being my work, the art in question is by @razzmatazic, who I did ask if I tried to trace, and she had no problems!) And so trace I did, tracing the outlines of the major features of the piece, namely, the outer lines, and the shapes of the gemstones.

Unfortunately, in my haste (and, admittedly, my focus, since this was much higher detail than I normally tackle around here), I didn't grab any in-progress shots of this. Still, I actually really enjoy how this came out looking, even if it doesn't perfectly evoke the design or detail of the original piece, it certainly emulates the look of Arma well enough I recognize it, and very visibly reads Cool Sword, y'know?

Next up were a few colorful rims around the edges of the front pockets! They were fraying pretty significantly, so not only does this add a fun splash of color, but it keeps me from picking the edges of these seams apart while I'm not thinking about my hands. Initially, I was going to pick a different set of colors than that turquoise and purple, based on a fun fact about my hometown, but that color scheme was just calling out to me! I decided to lean into the somewhat royal vibes and went for a different, lighter purple, with two little bits of yellow thread, which, fun fact, I actually dyed with some yellow flowers I foraged back in the boston area!

As for these two little spot-mends, they were really more an exercise in frustration. Really, I'm mostly miffed the thread broke on the original patch in the one place the hole kept trying to expand through, but hopefully that little bit of randa stitching (which looks MUCH more like randa stitching should than my previous efforts, namely on my wallet and that previous pair of pants that we detailed, the ones with the segaihana sashiko) alongside some additional reinforcement along the edge of that original yellow patch, made from some thread I scavenged from a fraying bit of denim, should keep this particular pair of shorts from getting any more fixes right on the edge of the patch that has misbehaved TWICE now!

Last but not least, while I was wrangling those pocket rims and the spot mends, I really just had the feeling that Arma would look kinda... lonely, I suppose? Centered in the framing straight stitches like that, so I improvised a little open book next to her! (She's not a sword-girl, promise, it's she/her like you'd she/her a boat) There's actually some really nice dimensionality to the book, too, with some looser stitches to emulate ruffle-able pages, and those two knots along the spine make for a pleasant, crinkled texture to the cover lines! Can you tell I'm pleased with myself for getting that just so, without any guides?

All that said, hopefully that's all the mends my poor poor jean shorts need, I swear, just as I get one set fixed, the other winds up with another hole! Don't get me wrong, I'm starting to enjoy the whole almost boro-like vibe they're developing, with all these overlapping mends, but I'd like them to develop it slower, thanks! (And yes, I do plan to wear these at LEAST until they look like I've quilted them back together, they're comfy!)

[aviul]

abstractober day 6: on the brink

[homoeroticgrappling]

Darby has new knitwear for him to wear constantly until it has huge holes in it

[bykalopsia]

also i am Not discussing ishiro and genba this episode bc if i think about them and taiya Too Hard i will maybe fall into pieces.

[tjerra14]

2k words into a fic and realising I need to move this entire thing to a whole-ass different mountain because I cannot read Google Maps correctly

[thewiglesswonder]

🔥hot take on body horror

Aside from the fact that I think it's the best thing since sliced bread? I'm of the opinion that vampires could be doing much more in the body horror department.

[snoos-tattoos]

Fuck it if I'm already seungwooposting, I might as well post this gif I made 💀💀💀

[yandereshingeki]

Having hyperfixations actually sucks because I want to be normal about the thing I have a hyperfixation on but I can’t help. not being normal about it in my head (outwardly I try so hard to be)

Like it literally affects my emotions so much I hate it why can I not just be NORMAL about it and not feel things surrounding it so INTENSELY

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Okay, I think I have finally found a cleaning strategy that is compatible with my fucking MYRIAD MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES while also not being so hard on my body that it causes an autoimmune flare up so buckle up lets go.

First things first, I have taken to using Grove for all of my cleaning supplies. Are they bougie as hell? Yes. Could I pay less for the literal same products (down to the volume and brand) somewhere else? Usually yes. Does the environmental footprint of the delivery of these supply boxes every month probably outweigh the environmental friendliness of their packaging? Almost certainly. BUT!!!!!!

My brain doesn't do the feel-good biochemicals real good (or really any of the biochemicals) so getting a delivery of pretty, autoimmune safe household goods every month triggers that lovely little hit of dopamine so without fucking fail every time one arrives, within a day I have carefully unpacked all my little goodies (they even send me a surprise** present with every box???? What more could a depressed burnt out bitch with no executive functioning want???), and within a week I have gone on a cleaning binge where I hyper fixate on my apartment one room at a time until the whole goddamn thing looks like it could be coming straight out of a designer tiny house catalog because I'm just???? So excited???? To smell all my nice scented cleaning supplies and play with my pretty new organizer items????

**the best part is that the surprise gift isn't actually a surprise because you get to pick it yourself from one of three options during the order process, but because I have extremely limited working memory and recall, I never remember which one I picked and can somehow have both the experience of a specifically chosen by me tailored extra gift AND a special surprise present I didn't expect at the same goddamn time.

So. A+ marketing strategy honestly, hits me right in the neurotransmitters every time, and given how long I can go without lifting a fucking spray bottle normally, I'm calling it an accessibility tax.

Anyway, horrifically this is only step one of my new cleaning process, and, honestly the rest of it is probably A) personal, and B) gross as hell so I'm gonna put this under a cut and you can feel free to skip it. But all my comrades out there who can't for the life of them keep a cleaning schedule because the dopamine don't work good, get you a cleaning product subscription (Grove isn't the only one but they're all about the same) because that bad boi will get ya every time, tricking you into thinking cleaning is fun by making it feel new and jazzy.

Okay, so your cleaning supplies arrived this week and have been burning a seasonally scented hole in the back of your fucking brain for the last 4 days, and you finally have an entire 24 hour period with zero time specific obligations, which means the cleaning fest can begin as soon as you convince your executive functioning to allow you to put down your phone, stand up, and walk into the other goddamn room.

This takes approximately.....six hours. Mostly because that's how long it takes for your wife to take the dogs to the park for the afternoon and the day has some serious "may not be perceived in your natural habitat" vibes, so that's how long it takes for the house to be empty of every living thing that cannot help but be up in your business. The cats don't go anywhere but that's okay because the second they see you go for the cleaning supplies the retreat to their dens and refuse to come out until at least 24 hours have passed. There is no danger of the cats perceiving you until this whole farce has ended, so the cats can stay.

Now your brain is on some unmedicated OCD, autism, ADHD, CPTSD, and suicidal depression shit and has been since at least 1997, so there's a lot of conflicting motivations/needs happening up in your grey matter meats right now and here's how you're going to rank them for the duration of your cleaning binge:

You skipped your last couple of cleaning deliveries because you were broke and miserable and that means it's been about 2 months since the last time you cleaned anything which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that 2 people, 2 dogs, and 2 cats live in this 550sqft apartment and these 6 living creatures somehow seem to secrete filth like a weird protective outer layer, which means that for the past 2 weeks at minimum you have been Carefully Never Thinking about what might be on the surfaces that you're touching and the only thing allowing you to still set your bare foot down on your hardwood floor is the layer of dirty laundry that develops over everything when you've forgotten to do laundry for a month, and if you have to really think about what you're cleaning you're going to cry, vomit, and then bite something, only possibly in that order

This is true in all 3 total rooms of the house, which means some of what you might have to clean is definitively more triggering than others, but also the dogs DO have a tendency to destroy anything they can fit in their unhinged maws directly on top of your sheets and pillows on the bed and this means that while technically the content is less upsetting, the experience is So Unfathomably Much Worse, but you only ever have one room's worth of cleaning in you per 24 hour period and anyway your wife will be back with the dogs in a max of 2 hrs so some Decisions TM will need to be made

Once the momentum stops so does the cleaning and god help you if you're halfway done because neither your wife nor your trained service animal nor g-d them fucking selves will be able to stop the meltdown that happens every time you have to walk in that room until you manage to finish the job

So you decide to clean in the following order:

Bathroom

Bedroom

Galley kitchen/front entry combo

Pros to this decision:

If your wife brings the dogs back before you're done cleaning the bathroom is the only room where you can close yourself in long enough to finish cleaning.

Tiniest room in the house

Clean tub (don't think about the implications here or you will spend the rest of day in paralyzed hysterics)

Clean toilet (if you even begin to consider the implications of this, drop 50mg of THC tincture immediately or wifey will find you flat on the floor screaming so hard you don't make any noise)

This is where most of your preferred clothes end up when they turn into laundry so the basket of clothes you collect is an absolute guarantee of having the Good Clothes back in rotation if you can also schlep down 3 flights of stairs to the basement at least 3 times to do some washing.

Bathroom is very pretty when clean, and will stand out really fucking hard from the rest of the house after your done which will increase the chances of the OCD making you clean the other two rooms on future 24 hour periods of zero obligation, which will help you roll the cleaning motivation from your delivery over until next weekend because you will need 2-3 weeks to actually clean every room (there is only 24 hr period of zero obligation guaranteed per week)

When you're done cleaning you can take a bath and it'll feel really fucking good as long as you rinse down the shower enough not to have a dermatological reaction to your cleaning products from soaking in tainted water

Now that you have crossed the first hurdle you will need the following supplies in order to complete your mission (supply list backfilled after writing out your entire process because like fuck will you ever remember every item you need in order to clean a room literally ever):

Multi purpose cleaner (with secret ingredient dish soap)

Tub and tile cleaner

Paper towels

Microfiber cleaning clothes (at least 3)

A pair of those shitty dish washing gloves from the dollar tree

Broom and dustpan

Trash bags

Trash bins

Sponge/scrub brush

Phone (for music and also missing all of your wife's text messages and phone calls about the dogs because your brain literally cannot comprehend external existence while cleaning)

Your oldest pair of ER scrub pants and a sports bra built for a fucking linebacker's worth of titty (mine's made of terrycloth because I love myself and would rather die than feel sweat on my skin)

Empty laundry hamper

Now that you collected all of your shit (definitely prior to starting and not by scampering in and out of the bathroom the entire cleaning process like a deranged chicken looking for the Good Foraged Seeds) you're going to hunker down and get to work. You put on your most boogying playlist and get to work.

Step 1) pick up all the textiles on the floor and add them to the hamper (step 1a is to shake them out before throwing them in but you have to walk the line of thinking about this just enough to remember to do it but not so much that you notice all the fuckingggggggg debris????? that falls out of your clothes.

Step 2) pick up any objects off the floor that you will not be throwing away and set them in the bathtub, you'll come back to this later

Step 3) grab that broom and sweep up your floors into a big pile on the floor. Best if you sing and dance and really get all hyped up about your music while this one happens or you will be forced to reckon with how many times your skin has made contact with your floor seasonings.

Step 4) take your new trash pile and scoop that shit into one of your trash bags you don't need to be meticulous here because you'll be doing another pass on the floors later, but you need to get the big stuff up and outta your way.

Step 5) take all the stuff off your sink and add it to the bathtub pile

Step 6) empty the bathroom trash and then pop the bin into the bathtub with everything else

Step 7) spray down every goddamn surface (except the bathtub and its contents) with your multi purpose cleaner. Mine's in an orange bottle and smells like grapefruit because I'm not allowed to eat grapefruit anymore or I'll die, but fuck man I just love grapefruit?????? Floors are included as a surface in this spraydown.

Step 8) use your paper towels to do a first pass of "wiping up" on your surfaces. This will be upsetting. Keep the toilet lid up for emergency vomiting, vut try to head it off by breathing in through your nose for a 4 count and out through your mouth for a 6 count.

Step 9) now that your surfaces are sanitary, spray down another layer of multi purpose cleaner. Floors are included as a surface in this spraydown.

Step 10) use your microfiber cloth to scrub your surfaces and really clean up any of the stuff underneath the stuff. This will be the first time you feel capable of acknowledging the reality of what you are cleaning because at least now it doesn't look like a fucking yeti tracked hair, mud, and plant matter through every inch of your home

Step 11) shake your microfiber cloth out in a trash bag, and then drop it into the laundry hamper

Step 12) remove any items from the tub pile that shouldn't get wet and wipe them down with wet wipes or a damp paper towel before putting them In Their Spot

Step 13) fill the tub with about 2 inches of the hottest water you can manage and toss any rim-of-tub items into your remaining tub pile

Step 14) start washing, drying, and putting away each of the items in the tub pile one at a time until the tub pile is gone. Rim of tub items go in the sink temporarily.

Step 15) spray down the tub with tub and tile cleaner on the outside, inside, and rim

Step 16) use your sponge to scrub the tub with the cleaner and wipe the leavings down onto the floor of the tub.

Step 17) use paper towels to wipe up the leavings on the floor of the tub until it's nearly dry and all debris is removed

Step 18) rinse tub, but no need to get meticulous

Step 18) spray down the tub, the walls of the shower, and the lower half of the shower curtain with multi purpose cleaner

Step 19) use a cleaning cloth to wipe down the entire tub, walls, and curtain

Step 20) thoroughly rinse the tub, walls, and curtain with water and wipe down the outside with damp paper towels

Step 21) spray some multi purpose cleaner directly onto a clean cloth and use it to wipe down baseboards, heaters/radiators, walls, etc.

Step 22) put the rim-of-tub items back on the tub rim now that it's mostly dry

Step 23) spray scented disinfectant in the room including two spritzes directly into the trash can and two spritzes directly into the toilet bowl

Step 24) restock the toilet paper and top off the soap dispenser, etc

Step 25) add a bleach tablet to the toilet tank which you thankfully HAVE been remembering to do regularly because it means you don't have to scrub your toilet bowl literally ever and honestly that's a small mercy because you used to just end every bathroom cleaning day vomiting into the bowl as you cleaned it, so life hack those consequences!

Optional step 26 is to excitedly tell your wife as soon as she and the dogs roll up that you just cleaned the bathroom and she should go see it when she has a minute and she looks at you and says "i take it that's why I couldn't reach you?" And you go "oh shit, we did talk about this didn't we?" And she goes "it wasn't an emergency, but I am glad you're alive" and you go "I'm really sorry I'll figure something out for next time but also it really does look super clean and pretty and I am still waiting on the last little bit of dopamine that comes from external validation and praise?" And she says "fine" and goes to look and then gives you a forehead kiss and says "it looks really good baby, thank you" and you say "!!!!!!!" and then you go collapse in bed for at least an hour while your body catches up with the fucking stunt you just pulled.

Your bathroom does look fucking spectacular tho, so at least there's that.