#*ruins. tumblr Mobile LET ME EDIT MY TAGS !!!!!!

[monandre]

I'm very very normal nothing to see here Smiley face

I actually can't take it g hey guys look at my beautiful boyfriend Kim Seowan from hit K-drama Daily Dose of Sunshine 😁😁

There is no content about him. No fics on ao3. Three on here and two are a two-parter and three other one I don't WANNA BE PREGNANT !!!. Which is fair he's not really a main character I'm just frustrated BUT I can find pics of him on Pinterest. This can hold me over for a little bit. I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS LOOKING AT HIM /aff..

[suppuration]

if xreader is your kind of fic, that's cool. my problem is with tumblr. a few things have completely ruined the search function.

one, posts used to have fixed formats--text, image, video, etc.--and you couldn't use more than one without reblogging to add on, or embedding it where possible. when they made the app, the app could make posts that had no type, and you could use more than one depending on the combination. but you couldn't edit browser posts in mobile, and you couldn't edit mobile posts in browser. they eventually made it so the browser version also creates new posts without a fixed type. (if you ever go to edit a post and it tells you that it can't be opened in a browser, it was probably made by mobile before the website itself changed over.) posts now no longer have a fixed format. for intents and purposes, if you start a new post by selecting the format, it's just giving you a starting point for how to attach a particular media type to it

two, the (mobile) search function can no longer separate tags from contents. (it used to be fandom etiquette, that if you were going to post venty negative stuff about a character/ship/work/etc, you weren't supposed to tag it, or you at least weren't supposed to use the same tags as people who were looking for art, discussion, and fics. because people found stuff by looking for specific tags. mentioning the work or character(s) in the post without vagueing the names was totally ok because if you didn't tag it, it wouldn't show up!) but now, if something is used or mentioned in a post, and you search for that thing, that post will show up because it contains the thingy!

and three, sometime this year i noticed that tumblr search results now often include reblogs of posts

the combination of these changes has resulted in searching tumblr for a thingy, and you click the lil [All posts v] button to filter it by posts that are gif posts, and then it shows you tons of posts that use gifs and/or mention your thingy! the gifs might not even be OF your thingy!! in addition to getting every fic/react under the sun, you can now get reblog threads that used/mentioned gifs and/or the thingy. half the time since this change, i have noticed tumblr's search results often even include posts that don't even HAVE the search string in them

we have complained about tumblr's awful search function for years, but there is something increasingly and deeply unhinged about it

so yeah. my beef isn't with particular genres or fandom text format posts that use gifs. my beef is 1000% with the site's broke-ass search "engine." let me be specific. let me use search operators. your filter options should actually restrict returns to the filter parameters. bloodcurdling yell.

and it's not even just tumblr. it's just another prime example of the overall enshittification of search engines

you used to be able to go into a tag after you watched a little movie and find a gorgeous little gifset or photoset or 12 and now you're lucky if you can wade through all the xreader posts to find even one we used to be a website

[ladyofcreation]

Warmth

Upset with Lila and her classmates, Marinette wrestles with herself over whether she's justified in her feelings, and finds herself saved from akumatization by one of the last people she ever would've expected to come to her aid.

I know, I know, everyone and their mother has been writing a salt fic in response to the Chameleon preview. Here's mine, just before the episode comes out.

Kagaminette (Kaganette? Marigami? Geez portmanteaus are troublesome), because I can.

Spoilers, obviously.

Tumblr is apparently making it difficult to find posts containing off-site links, so the “AO3 link” below is actually a link to the post with the link to the fic on AO3. Apologies for the inconvenience, but I would like my work to show up in tags.

Edit: apparently that didn’t work (and the in-site link doesn’t work on mobile, either). So I’ve edited it to be under a cut instead, since it’s short enough.

---

Things looked different from the back of the classroom.

Marinette often people-watched – it was good for inspiration. Of course, usually she did that by going out to popular public places, tourist attractions, and the like. Not her own classroom. But it was difficult to concentrate on learning when she felt like she had just tried to step on a step that wasn’t there, and about to tumble.

The way everyone had looked at her…for something she hadn’t even said…

She couldn’t think about that. She’d only get angry again, and then she’d do something stupid that’d only make things worse.

But it was so unfair!

But what could she complain about, really? Everyone else was happier in this arrangement. Everyone else got to sit by who they wanted to. If only one person had to be alone, then that was better, strictly speaking.

Though no one had been unhappy with the previous seating arrangement. Though it was so obvious that Lila had manipulated the situation to sit by Adrien.

But everyone else had gotten what they’d wanted out of it. And really, if she’d been there when they’d discussed the seat changes, wouldn’t she have ended up offering to sit in the back herself to make the others happy?

But they didn’t discuss it with her. They’d just sprung it on her without warning. Not even Alya, Alya who’d helped her fight for that seat in the first place…

She was getting upset again. She had to calm down. And if she stayed here, that wasn’t going to happen. Marinette excused herself to the bathroom.

She only made it as far as the locker room, before she became overwhelmed. She sank down against the lockers, hunched up on her knees as she let out a wordless noise of frustration and clenched her fists.

Why, why, why?

Weren’t they her friends? Hadn’t they always been there for her before? Hadn’t she always been there for them? Why, then, were a few fake tears from Lila all it took for them all to turn on her?

Something whizzed past the side of her head, and Marinette jumped, coiling into a fighting position. She didn’t know who or why or what, but she knew immediately that someone had thrown something at her. A foil, she registered half a second later, the object quivering as it stuck out between the lockers; someone had thrown a freaking fencing foil at her.

No…not at her, Marinette realized with growing terror as she saw the akuma pinned under its point. At the akuma.

It had been so close, and she hadn’t even noticed…she could’ve been…

She tried to force herself to be calm, to breathe, but the voice that spoke did nothing to help with that.

“So what’s going on?” Kagami said bluntly. Marinette turned to her, still keeping her eyes on the struggling akuma.

“Nothing! It’s nothing, really.” Of all the people to find her here, why did it have to be the Ice Queen herself? Of course this just had to be one of the times she was here for an early solo fencing lesson. This was the last thing Marinette needed when she could be akumatized any second now.

Kagami gestured at the pinned akuma. “Clearly not.”

“I just need to calm down,” Marinette said, more to herself than Kagami. “And you should go! In case I, in case it…”

“It’s not going anywhere,” Kagami said, again gesturing towards the akuma.

“I…” Marinette said, switching her gaze between the akuma and Kagami. She frowned. “How come it didn’t get absorbed into the blade?”

“Perhaps because, unlike you, I’m not upset at the moment,” Kagami said.

Marinette was…safe. Papillon couldn’t get her. She could…be angry, without risking the safety of the city. She was allowed to be angry, now, just this once. A weight that she hadn’t even realized she was carrying was eased, and perhaps it was that sense of relief and freedom that caused her to spill out her frustrations, when normally Kagami would’ve been one of the last people Marinette would’ve wanted to tell her troubles to.

“It’s…it’s this girl! No, my whole class. She waltzes in, telling these stupid, obvious lies – saved Jagged Stone’s kitten, what a laugh – and everyone believes her! No one questions her but me, and then I’m the bad guy because she makes a sad face! And all because of her, everyone switches the seats around and send me to the back without even asking. And maybe it’s stupid to be so worked up about a stupid seat, but this girl drives me crazy when she just…gets everything she wants with lies and tears, and everyone hates me because I don’t play along. And there’s nothing I can do about it, because the second I call her out, she’ll cry about how mean I am!”

Marinette exhaled, for a moment enjoying the catharsis of letting out her frustrations. But anxiety flooded back in an instant later as she remembered that she was not alone, venting to Tikki, but that Kagami was there with her. She looked up at the other girl, worried that she was going to be laughed at. But Kagami simply stood there as neutrally as ever, and offered her hand to help Marinette up.

“Better now? Because I do need that back,” she said, indicating the foil still pinning down the akuma.

Marinette blinked, as her world was turned on its head with the realization that she had entirely misjudged Kagami before.

Unable to find her words, Marinette accepted Kagami’s hand, her eyes never leaving hers as she was pulled to her feet. Marinette wondered how she had ever thought of Kagami as an ice queen. Because while her voice may have been cool, and her manner aloof, her eyes…

…Her eyes were so warm.

Kagami had shown her kindness in her own way. She had saved Marinette from becoming akumatized, even at risk to herself – had her bid to trap the akuma failed, she would’ve been the first victim to whatever Marinette would’ve become. She’d let Marinette rant and listened to her troubles without any reason to.

“Y…yeah. I’m nine fow…fine now!” Marinette managed.

Kagami withdrew her hand, and Marinette immediately missed its warmth.

“Good,” she said, and retrieved her blade. Weakly, the akuma flew away, and Kagami turned back to Marinette.

“When your usual technique isn’t working against an unfamiliar opponent, you step back, and analyze their technique. Find their weak points, and then strike back when they least expect it. Stay focused, and don’t concern yourself with the spectator’s jeers; it will only distract you.”

Marinette considered the advice. It made sense, of course – it was not unlike how she fought supervillains as Ladybug. But was it right to treat this like a battle?

Perhaps it was worth a shot. After all, she was good at turning battle to her advantage, and it made sense to work with her strengths.

“Thank you,” Marinette said.

Kagami nodded, and turned to leave.

Marinette wasn’t sure what possessed her to do it, but she called out before Kagami vanished.

“Kagami! Uh…um…” she hesitated as Kagami turned back to her, waiting. “Would you, maybe, like to have lunch with me later?”

Kagami looked surprised, and internally, Marinette panicked. Why had she asked that? They weren’t friends or anything, just because Kagami had been nice to her this once, didn’t mean that she wanted to hang out. Now she was just going to think Marinette was weird, and…

But to Marinette’s surprise, Kagami smiled softly, and Marinette felt a sudden warmth spread up from her chest to her cheeks as Kagami.

“I’d like that.”

“Oh…then…s…see you, then,” Marinette said, her composure slipping as Kagami walked away, and she shut her mouth before her words stopped working completely. Her cheeks felt like they were burning, but the rest of her felt comfortably warm.

“Are you going to be alright, Marinette?” Tikki said, poking out. “That was a really close call.”

“Yeah…yeah, I’m alright,” Marinette said, a little breathlessly. She continued to stand there, staring after where Kagami had disappeared.

“Marinette,” Tikki admonished, though there was a knowing smile on her face. “You should go catch up to that akuma before it ruins anyone else’s day.”

“Right!” Marinette said, snapping out of it. “Akuma. Let’s go, Tikki!” With a few words, she was soon sailing through the sky, chasing after the injured butterfly.

And for a moment, her troubles were forgotten, left behind on the ground.

[early-sxnsets]

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43151156

Chapter 3/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 1553

Chapter Summary: Baz takes Simon's shitpost text a step further, and the outcome ends up spreading a few rumors.

SIMON

bi-sammy: sammy would still fuck huxley if he looked like the fish from shape of water

I grin smugly at my screen, sitting in a dark room with nothing shining but my mobile. The shutters stay shut, and the light from the bottom of the doorway barely filters into the room. It’s just me, this scratchy blanket, and Baz, somewhere else in England on another screen. I absolutely adore that.

gaystrell: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave.jpg

Sometimes, I catch myself smiling. Other times, I elect to ignore how real it feels. It’s weird, given that it feels like I’m just chatting with someone who I see everyday. The casualness of this reminds me of texting Penny in the afternoon on a Thursday.

Except, given the current time, it could be interpreted as more intimate than that of a friend’s text.

8am on a Saturday is usually a time reserved for comfort. For staying warm with someone you care about. Instead, I’m just messaging Baz.

bi-sammy: because im right

bi-sammy: hear me out here ive got a brilliant idea

gaystrell: whoever taught you the definition of a brilliant idea was clearly misleading you

bi-sammy: dont be an arse until youve heard it

bi-sammy: wanker

gaystrell: you’re truly proving your point

bi-sammy: ANYWAY

bi-sammy: shape of water au

bi-sammy: thats all

gaystrell: i’m appalled.

gaystrell: hold on.

I don’t think much of it. Occasionally, he disappears for an hour to two. I don’t bother asking, assuming it’s none of my business, but I do tend to worry a bit. I hope he’s alright.

After clicking off my phone, my head settles against my pillow as my eyes fall shut.

There’s something about this. There’s something about him. It’s a bit hard to pinpoint what it is, but the overwhelming feeling of comfort I have in the notifications I get from him just answering my bullshit is incredibly welcomed. He’s semisweet. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier, but he’s a fantastically bitter person.

My head slowly turns over, eyes opening and straining in the darkness.

I hate my empty room.

I hate the absence of comfort--I hate the plainness of these walls.

I want to say I hate my foster dad, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to say that. Not because the system will take me again and throw me back (even though I could have left a year back, if I was still in it). Instead, I feel like I shouldn’t hate him. Theoretically, I should be thankful for what I have. I’m not in a boy’s home, and I haven’t been since I was 11, but the remnants remain. The fights don’t go away, and neither do the weeks of starvation.

Still, I sort of despise living here under Davy.

That’s what he makes me call him. His name. His nickname. Not dad; of course not dad. He’s had me in his care for roughly six years, but he’s still Davy to me.

Shitty fucking Davy, with his strict curfews and practically using me as a housemaid because he’s too cheap to care for himself.

Shitty fucking Davy, not letting me add anything to my room because the day I turn 18, I’m out of here until his next kid (and cheque, apparently) come in. Told me I’d wreck the walls and ruin his furniture if I did put anything on it, too.

So that’s what I’ve got. Blank walls, blank furniture, blank everything. It’s like a jail cell for a bedroom, and everything I’ve got to show for myself is in a backpack and two dresser drawers/

But, at least, I own my mobile.

Every summer job, mixed with odds and ends shit and whatever I can do for my bill. It’s all mine, and Davy can’t fucking touch it.

Maybe that’s why, when I feel it buzz against my chest, it makes me feel more alive. It’s a reminder of all that work just to be able to talk to someone freely.

Arguably, the best feeling in the goddamn world.

I grab it and flip it over. It’s just an email about uni.

Fuck.

I end up scrolling through tumblr for a little while, doing nothing but liking and reblogging a thing here or there. It takes a little while before a little drop down falls from the top of my screen.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r7Wkwj7MSFk0--DgquHGhYVBbqneEYq0J01t0uMRmxA/edit?usp=sharing

gaystrell: feel the need to apologize before you click the link, but then again, you asked for this hell

When I click on it, it pulls up a doc titled just “crackfic”, and I’m floored with the first sentence alone.

“Fuck my fish ass harder, daddy.”

My hand flies up, covering my mouth as I practically wheeze as quietly as possible. A few paragraphs in and I’m nearly crying into my palm, muffling my laughter as I read through pages upon pages of the most ridiculous fic I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.

I check the word count out of pure curiosity, and it somehow makes me laugh harder.

bi-sammy: holy fucking shit

bi-sammy: i swear to god if you don’t post that i will

gaystrell: already in the process of making the archive post

gaystrell: i seriously believe you underestimate my sincere ability to be the biggest dick on the street

bi-sammy: i dont know whether or not u meant that as ur literal dick or the big dick energy in making that a post but id probably agree with you in both

bi-sammy: tag me in the post pls i want to be the first to reblog it

gaystrell: you’re a ridiculous, sad, little man

gaystrell: of course i’ll tag you

Within minutes, it’s uploaded with the absolute worst slew of Archive tags attached to it, and as soon as he tags me in his post, I tap the notification.

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Word Count: 3,192

Summary: Fish!Huxley and Sam get it on Shape of Water style

@bi-sammy this is your fault (you're welcome)

I immediately slam like and pull up reblog, rapidly typing out my response before posting.

absolute madman. cant believe youve done this. i trust you with my entire life.

As usual, he's quick to reblog back.

anything for the absolute pain in my life x

Smiling shamelessly, I ride on the moment's high as our conversation stays out in the world. I quite enjoy this version of his softness. The public, taunting replies to mine. In all this time of following him, I can't really recall him ever being this friendly with anyone but me.

Makes me feel special. Maybe too much so.

BAZ

The jarring shock of the seemingly endless notifications rattles me momentarily speechless.

It isn't even 15 minutes after I'd replied to Snow and there's already a few people reblogging it with comments about him and I. A quick “i ship y'all’ to “powermove of the century”. Each make me flush deeper as the replies flood in.

If I were to be practical, I'm aware that I shouldn't be so flustered over the concept of us being a couple. It's most likely my overactive, sad, lonely imagination, but the idea of being loved just makes me blush. Especially since it's someone who doesn't seem to absolutely loathe me.

gaystrell: are you reading these?

bi-sammy: the what?

bi-sammy: i have. nothing to read. i cant read.

gaystrell: use your two remaining brain cells look at the notes for the crackfic

bi-sammy: holy shit

bi-sammy: im cackling

A notification pops up, making me snort this time. I pull up the post and send it off to him without a second thought.

gaystrell: sent a post

gaystrell: ��sounds like something huxley would do for sam”

bi-sammy: stop im gonna piss myself shits too fucking funny

I pull it back up, scrolling down to reblog and adding a quick reply that, in all honesty, I should have thought out more. Secretly, part of me is glad that I sent it.

huxley wishes he was this smooth ;)

Within seconds, replies flood in from everywhere. From jokes about Snow and I possibly dating to the concept of Huxley writing (purposefully) shitty homoerotica about himself as a fishman. I quite like the conversation about the latter, while the former makes my chest knot in ways inexplicable.

Going through the notes makes me smile, even if it's mildly embarrassing. The amount of times I've seen the eyes emoji used is definitely excessive, but still somewhat welcomed.

Even my archive has a few comments already, although more based around the fic itself. More ironically, though, is the one person who probably took it seriously and just commented, “Nice fic!” I love the abundance of shameless appreciation for obscure fanfiction in the depths of this community.

Snow's messages roll down my mobile screen as I'm checking the comments, continuously replacing the previous message for the top slot.

bi-sammy: mate

bi-sammy: i love you

bi-sammy: also every time you reblog something of mine i get like 5 followers

bi-sammy: if you mention me i get 10

bi-sammy: youre???????????? a god????????

bi-sammy: can i marry you????????????

I slowly close my laptop, eyes on my phone with an absolutely gleeful grin.

gaystrell: when and where?

[courtesan-of-garage]

hey guys, look, somehow last night I became famous XD

sad thing is that I have become famous as paedophile and twincest supporter, thanks to people that ‘didn’t want to cause drama’, that’s why they posted everything on tumblr, tagged us, and put in their post some screenshots that were simply taken out of context and present them as 'good people’ here.

Let’s get one thing straight - me and NONE OF my friends ARE. NOT. SUPPORTING. PAEDOPHILIA. AND. TWINCEST.

@storiesofsass has already sum up whole situation, but there’s one thing that hurts me most. Okay, two maybe.

First - how easily you can manipulate people here. It’s like, they see something and they already believe it. No criticism, no thinking 'hey… but what if that screenshots are taken out of nowhere? what if there’s more, but I simply don’t have access to it? oh, maybe I will hear the other side of conflict and then I will judge myself’. I would love someone to post 'raw’ pics of how that conversation was going, from the very beginning to the very end, with no cutting and editing. I’m really curious if your opinion would be still the same.

Second - I’m terrified with people’s lust for destruction. As @storiesofsass said in her post, we tried to finish that fight over some imaginary problem, everyone agreed that tastes in man are individual matter and everyone has their own opinion. We also all agreed, that teen’s pregnancy is fragile subject and shouldn’t be theme for a game, but if somehow, somewhere game like this exists/will be created - that subject should be treated with care. We tried to drop that subject, reminding people that we are on discord for fun. But some people didn’t wanted to accept this.

They started to dig in one person profile, probably not only hers, trying to find anything that’s shameful and will make us look bad. Now tell me - is opinion 'male/female Atlas (pixelated man in mobile app) is really handsome!’ a crime? Is this something we should put people in jails for? Does 'wanting him as a LI’ means that someone wants to romance with him as MC? Let me answer you: no. All that means is that girl finds Atlas attractive and wants him to be LI, for other characters, for example. She wants to romance him, but GOD DAMN, NOT WHILE BEING MC.

Digging in our profiles was one thing. Inviting friends to our channel to ruin it was second. In 5 minutes, we had at least 4 new users. All of them started to spam, made it impossible to have normal conversation again, still talking about that drama, even though no one there was interested in fighting anymore. We asked them to stop, at least 2 or 3 times. It was like talking to the wall. They were joking about us, insulting us, reacting to every message with hate.

We simply created new channel, because we had enough. And that’s how our main channel, our little community where we all tried to treat each other with respect, where many people came and had faith that they found a place where they can be themselves and share their opinions, was destroyed. Thank you, dear mutuals, for it! You should be proud!

What happened next, after publishing that 'eXpOSIng DarK trUtH abOuT DisCoRD’ post - you can see yourself. I have only one last wish - If you believed in every word and if you started to publish some 'IF YOU SUPPORT PAEDOPHILIA AND TWINCEST UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW’, if you started sending anonymous hate to my friends - please, unfollow me right now. And learn to use your own brain and making your own judgement. Life is easier then. You will thank me one day.

Last words - one guy once told me, that destroying is easy and takes only seconds, while creating and making something is hard work. Instead of causing drama and tearing that fandom apart, try maybe to develop some respect for other people and their opinions. Learn how to share your point of view with head. You don't need to agree with everything, but you need to tolerate that there are other people with different opinions. What you showed yesterday on discord and then continued on a tumblr - you were behaving worse than monkeys in the zoo.

[benjamingates]

ty for the tag 🥺🥺 @blaine-andersxn

coffee shop or flower shop • alternate universe or fix-it • enemies to lovers or childhood friends • angst or fluff • love at first sight or pining • modern au or historical au • soulmates or unrequited • fake dating or secret dating • breakup and makeup or proposals and weddings • get together or established relationship •  oblivious pining or domestic fluff • hurt/comfort or crack • meet the parent or meet cute

i tag @nonotespepperwood @danigayton @sunsetmolinas @personalgarbagepile @pineappletheatrekid @jacquiebethelina44 @hopefulobjectmiracle and anyone else who wants to do it :)

was tagged in this by @tarantulas4davey !! tysm hun !! 💫

Rules: bold/color what you prefer & tag people (or don’t)

coffee shop or flower shop • alternate universe or fix-it • enemies to lovers or childhood friends • angst or fluff • love at first sight or pining • modern au or historical au • soulmates or unrequited • fake dating or secret dating • breakup and makeup or proposals and weddings • get together or established relationship •  oblivious pining or domestic fluff • hurt/comfort or crack • meet the parent or meet cute

tagging: @shippingcannons @bound-for-santa-fe @yahfancyclamwiththepurlinside @deliciouspeachpirate and anyone else who wants to do this !! (no pressure to do it, and let me know if you don't want to be tagged in things !!)

[popsicletheduck]

For the 50 this-or-that asks, I'm sorry I don't know your OCs so pls choose whoever you feel like talking about most!! 5, 23, 27, 30, 49? (Also you can add longer explanations/examples to any of them if you wanna bc I'd love to read that too!!!)

sorry for such the late reply but tumblr mobile isofficially An Ass and didn’t show me that you actually asked some questions. thank you for asking, sorry tumblr sucks!! but since I’ve been back into writing them recently, I'm gonna answer for someof the members of the USS Bell Burnell, my Starfleet ship,specifically Lieutenant JG Rowan Griffith, Lieutenant Commander RyhlethTh’avorak, and Lieutenant Commander Nakamura Ezu (if anyone has read the fic,Ash isn’t here because she’s not really mine so I don’t feel comfortableanswering for her). also again this got long because I love my children.

5. Full breakfast or ‘grab a bite and run’?

So it’s not that Rowan doesn’t have time to eat in themorning because they certainly always wake up in the morning with enough timeto eat and get ready and all that, it’s that there’s always a lot that they wantto do in the morning and invariably they get distracted reading or working orstudying something or other and then they don’t have time and they’re rushingto eat something while still reading or working or studying and occasionallyshowing up to shift with the last of their food still in their mouth.

Ryhleth and Ezu have set aside breakfast as their time to betogether, so the two of them always sit down in the mess hall for a sensiblemeal but more importantly to talk about how things are going. Not gossip, persay, but information important to the efficient running of their twodepartments. And just how they’re doing in general. Which also makes it primetime for Ryhleth to gently tease Ezu about her very definitely obvious feelingsfor Commander Kediac. The rest of senior staff knows that breakfast time istheir time and generally leaves them alone to it.

23. Always runs out of charge or always keeps a charger withthem?

So cool future space tech probably doesn’t need chargers,but I’ll extrapolate based on personalities.

Rowan used to run out of charge fairly frequently and wouldtry to mooch a charger off someone else, but now always keeps a charger on themand gets anxious when their phone drops below 40%.

Ryhleth keeps a charger on them but doesn’t use it untiltheir phone gets to 3-5%.

Ezu always knows where a charger is but gets too busy and soher phone runs out of charge.

27. Write on paper or type it out?

Again, future space stuff and the lack of actually havingpaper, so instead of writing/typing I’ll do typing/voice-to-text audio logs.

Rowan regularly tries to write official reports anddocumentation entirely with audio which does not work because 1) a lot of theirnotes are audio as well (not all but a significant number) and 2) the reason theytry to write with audio is because they’re attempting to multitask which leadsto them getting distracted and ruining the audio which means they have to go inand edit which somewhat defeats the whole purpose. Do they stop trying to do itthough? No.

Ryhleth takes audio notes while they’re working becausetheir hands are full of plant and sometimes they’re in protective gear workingwith the dangerous plants and it’s just easier that way. But they type outtheir official stuff to keep everything neat.

Ezu only types, because have you ever tried taking audionotes in engineering? It does not work; not because engineering is loud anddistracting, but because engineers are loud and distracting. This does meanthat there are a lot of PADDs around engineering to keep notes on whichcontributes to the organized chaos feel.

30. Use a hairdryer or let it air dry?

One of the benefits of super short buzzed hair, Rowan canjust run a towel over it and it’s practically already dry.

Ryhleth lets it air dry because it’s better for your hair.

Ezu uses a hairdryer because she does not have time to goaround with wet hair.

49. Smiles in every photo or ignores the camera?

Rowan will smile if they realize you’re taking a photo whichgiven how they are is around a 50/50 chance. When they were younger they wouldtry to avoid the camera entirely but they don’t mind so much now.

Ryhleth tends to be surprisingly reserved for an Andorian sothey’ll smile a little and emote more with their antenna. They’re not big onpictures but they’ll let it happen.

Ezu will definitely smile in every photo because photoscarry pieces of the spirit of the person or thing in them and she wants toleave a nice spirit for the person taking the photo.

tagging @elfgiftspeaks so she can answer for Ash later if she wants to. thank you again!!

[nomattertheoceans]

I made you a promise - chapter 16

Before I let you read on, a few important announcements.

I will be leaving tumblr from Sunday 21st, until I’ve read Kingdom of Ash. Because I’ve already put my spoiler tags up, and still I started to see things about the book (I don’t know how these people got their hands on the book, but how about using some tags, people? I’m so angry about it, I don’t want to dwell on it and ruin your day too….)

Knowing myself and how I read, I’ll probably start reading it on Friday 26th, and will hopefully have finished it on Sunday or something.

Once I come back to tumblr, this blog will definitely not be spoiler free!!! I will be using these tags on every koa post I share: “koa spoilers”, “koa spoiler”, “kingdom of ash spoiler” and “kingdom of ash spoilers” That way, if you want to avoid any spoilers, just filter at least one of these tags and you’ll be safe in my blog.

Regarding the fic: this might be my last update in a while. In November, I won’t be updating it at all, because I’ll spend the month of November  developing my original story, and I can’t focus on my story if I keep thinking about my fics. So I’ll try to get a chapter out between the moment when I’ll finish Kingdom of Ash, and the beginning of November, but nothing certain. In any case, whether it be this chapter or the next one, I promise I won’t leave you guys on a big cliffhanger hahahaha (I’m really not that cruel ^^), and I also promise that I am in no way abandoning this fic, and will be back in December! I just need some time for my other project :)

Anyway, that’s it I guess. Thank you so so much to everyone who reads, likes, comments,... I love it all!!

@highladyofherondale @amazinginglyawesomeperson @illyrianbeauty

Previous chapter || Next chapter

Writing masterlist || On mobile

Feyre sat down at her small desk after lunch, a smile lingering on her face. She’d just eaten with Rhys, and at some point during the meal, he’d casually referred to her as his girlfriend, before realizing what he’d said and looking at her with dread in his eyes. She hadn’t been able to stop her laugh at the sight of him freaking out, a warm feeling spreading in her heart at the idea that he considered her his girlfriend, that it had come as naturally to him as it had to her. Still smiling, she opened her inbox to check emails, somewhat mindlessly reading through them, thinking - and blushing - about something Rhys had whispered in her ear before leaving her at the door. Something about making his girlfriend moan when he…

There was an email from New York. From John, the author she’d met with the week before. And the email was titled: “John Helvar - Illustrated edition - Trip to NYC?” She opened it frantically and read what he’d written to her:

From: john.helvar@gmail.com

To: arch.feyre@gmail.com

Email sent on: Tuesday, October 30th at 1:04 p.m.

Feyre,

How are you?

I’m writing to you as a follow up of our meeting in Velaris last week. I was charmed by all of the ideas you presented to me, and showed them to my publisher on Friday. She also liked them, and would like to meet you and discuss them further before making a final decision. We’re both available at the beginning of next week, and would like for you to come to New York for a few days. It would be a trip from Sunday afternoon until Wednesday morning, allowing us two full days to work. The publishing house would pay for your plane tickets and your hotel.

Let me know before Thursday if you’re available, to book everything for you.

Looking forward to seeing you soon in New York,

John.

She wasn’t sure she was breathing. He wanted her to come to New York. To meet his publisher. To craft a contract. Which meant he wanted to work with her, he wanted her to create every single one of the illustrations for his books. An entire collection, with about 100 to 150 pages per book. After meeting her twice, he trusted her enough to agree to working with her for the next few months, the next few years. She felt her heart racing in her chest, her breathing became jagged and her hands were shaking.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go to New York and meet with these people when she had to drag herself out of bed every morning, when she found every drawing she made harder than the last. Not when she’d been unable to pick up a paintbrush for months, her only drawings being those requested for work. She’d felt sort of confident during the meetings with him, but it hadn’t been serious. For all that she wanted and needed this job, she hadn’t considered the possibility that he might actually choose her. Her vision blurred and she realized she was crying. The realization woke her up and she tried to force her body to calm down. Nothing was decided yet, she thought, clenching at her desk to keep herself grounded, he simply wanted her to meet the rest of the team that was working on the project. Maybe he didn’t even want to work only with her, maybe she would be part of a bigger team of illustrators and her work wouldn’t even be noticed.

But it didn't work, she was still panicking, tears still rolled down on her cheeks. Without thinking, she picked up her phone and dialed.

***

The day was beautiful. Granted, it was raining, and he was freezing, and he had about a zillion paperwork to finish before he could go home tonight. But how could this day not be beautiful, when he’d just had lunch with his wonderful girlfriend - it was official now - and she was coming to his place to spend the night. He’d have to buy some stuff for her if she started to sleep at his house more regularly, like a toothbrush, some of her shampoo, maybe some stuff for her period if she wanted, a hairbrush,...

He was driven away from his mental shopping list by the vibrations of his phone in his pocket. Smiling at the name on the screen, he answered:

“Hey you, miss me already?”

“Oh Gods Rhys, I’m freaking out.” Her voice was stranded, and her breathing frantic.

“What’s going on? Are you ok?”

“I am. It’s just…. I received an email from the guy I met with the other week. He wants me to go to New York next week to meet his publishing team.”

“Feyre, that’s great!” He wasn’t really an expert in the publishing world, but the author wanting her to meet with his publisher was bound to be a good sign.

“I… Yeah I guess it is.” But her voice was flat, and he started wondering what was in this email that got her so freaked out.

“Darling, what’s going on? You don’t sound pleased.”

“No, I am.” A pause. “I am. See you tonight at your place?”

“Y - yes, sure. Are you sure you’re okay?”

But she had already hung up before his question was over.

***

She refused to approach the subject of New York for the entire evening, cleverly avoiding talking about it, and bluntly staring at him when he tried to bring it up. So they ate in near silence, Rhys trying and failing to make her open up to him, and then keeping quiet, hoping she might feel better if he left her alone. They washed the dishes, turned off the lights and got up to his bedroom. He was fishing out a clean pair of underpants to sleep in when he caught a glimpse of her in the mirror, seated on his bed, her hand tucked between her thighs, crying silently. He turned around and hurried to her, kneeling down in front of her.

“Feyre, what’s going on?”

She avoided his eyes, and was clenching her hands together, tears rolling down her cheeks silently. Still without looking at him, she said: “Are you… Are you mad at me?”

“What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Well… I don’t know. Because I didn’t want to talk about New York, and you might think I want to hide something from you, and be mad.” Her voice had grown quieter as she talked, and she looked so sad, Rhys decided then and there that if he ever met her ex-boyfriend, he wouldn’t mind punching him in the face once or twice.

“Feyre, please, look at me.” And he was pleading her, pleading because he wanted her to look into his eyes and understand that he would never react like that, with her or anyone else. She met his eyes but she was still sobbing silently, her beautiful face stained by tears, and her eyes red. “Feyre, you don’t have to tell me everything. Ever. If you don’t want to tell me about something, it’s absolutely fine, and normal.” He rested his hands on her thighs gently. “I simply stopped talking about it because I thought I was annoying you, and I thought you’d feel better if I left it alone. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make it worse.”

He stopped talking and let her cry, not wanting to make her feel like she had to stop before she felt better. She cried for a while longer, and then she managed to calm down enough to take in deep breaths. He got up from his knees, sat down beside her and gently took her head between his hand. He brushed away her tears with his thumbs, and slowly, so that she’d understand what he was doing and stop him if she wanted to, he hugged her. She gripped his jumper and he tightened his grip on her back, pulling her even closer to him.

“I don’t think I’m going to go to New York,” her voice was a mere whisper, as if she was indeed telling him a secret, but she was steady.

“Can I ask you why?” He kept his voice equally low.

“I don’t think it’s going to be worth it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not good enough to do this job, Rhys. And even if I was, even if the people I’d met with liked my work… I would never be able to deliver.”

“Why would you think that? You’ve been doing this job for years.”

“But this is different. It’s… It’s such a big commitment. If I do agree to work with them, I’ll probably be involved in this project for years. It’s seven books to illustrate. It would take so long, and I can’t guarantee them that I’ll be able to manage it.”

He gently forced her to move away from him so that he could look her in the eyes when he answered:

“Feyre, this is your job, and from what you’ve shown me, you’re pretty good at it. I have no doubt that if you start working with them, you’ll deliver every single piece of art they need. And every single one of them will be beautiful.”

She gave him a sad smile, and it broke his heart a little, because he could see that she didn’t believe him, that she simply smiled because she thought he was only trying to reassure her. Gods, he wanted to help her so much it hurt, he could feel his heart break at the sight of her being so sad. He couldn’t stand to know that she didn’t believe in herself, when he himself believed in her more than he could express. And it seemed that there was nothing he could say or do that would change her feeling of being worthless.

“Feyre, why do you think you can’t manage?”

“Because… My job, it’s not serious. Working with your hobby, that’s not something serious, that’s not something you can do for your entire life. Drawing and painting, I never learned properly, I was never trained. And untrained skills are useless in the professional world, I wouldn’t be able to hold my own in such a big project.”

And then he knew. He knew why she was feeling so unconfident. And he was boiling with rage at the idea. But he needed to be sure:

“Did he tell you that? Did he call your talents useless and tell you that you couldn’t work with them?” Her silence was answer enough, and he wanted to cry. “Shit Feyre. You are so talented. What you’re able to create, what comes to life under your touch, it’s a gift. And it’s beautiful. Maybe you weren’t trained, but I have absolutely no doubt that you’ll be able to meet any challenge that comes your way. You’re strong, and you’re stubborn enough not to let anyone tell you otherwise.” She chuckled slightly at that, sniffing after her tears, “Feyre, I think you should go to New York, because you might regret it if you don’t. And I’m sure you won’t regret going. Worse thing happens, you don’t like it, you tell them that you don’t want to work with them, and you come back home. Free trip to New York!”

She actually laughed at his sloppy attempt at a joke, and wiped her eyes to get rid of the last tears lingering in them. His chest tightened, and he resisted the urge to take her in his arms again, allowing her space to breathe. When she looked at him once more, there was still sadness in her eyes, but it was coated with a joyful brightness that reflected in her smile. She advanced and kissed him fully, her lips wet and salty, and he kissed her back, hugging her against him.

***

She arrived at her desk the next morning rested and smiling softly. What had happened the night before had been… amazing. Rhysand had been amazing. She’d had one of her most awful days in a long time, and still he had found the right words, given her the exact amount of reassuring and affection and space to sort it out. He’d given her space, had allowed her to cry for as long as she’d needed it, not commenting on it, not asking for her to calm down. And she had felt so much better afterwards. She couldn’t exactly say that she was confident about her abilities to work on the project, but at least she was ready to try. She opened her computer and typed an answer:

RE: John Helvar - Illustrated edition - Trip to NYC?

From: arch.feyre@gmail.com

To: john.helvar@gmail.com

Draft written on: Wednesday, October 31st at 9:12 a.m.

Hello John,

Thank you for your email. I am thrilled that you liked my ideas for your book, and would love to come to New York next week to discuss it further with you and your associates. I am available on the dates you gave me, so feel free to book those days for our meeting. Please find enclosed a copy of my personal information for any booking you might have to make regarding this trip.

Looking forward to seeing you again,

Greetings from Velaris.

Feyre.

Looking at her screen, she exhaled loudly and clicked send, afraid she might lose her nerves if she waited any longer.

She was going to New York.

[aly-the-writer]

For @latefortevinter , using their Vaxus Trevelyan and my Lark Trevelyan for the 🗨 prompts. Set this in the Cousins AU.

Prompt I got was “You were meant to be watching him!”.

NOTE: Some of you may have seen me post this earlier via mobile. For some reason Tumblr isn’t letting me edit it from my computer so I’m reposting it. Sorry for any confusion! Please enjoy! :)

“You were meant to be watching him!” Vaxus exclaimed, eyes widening as he saw that Dorian wasn’t resting in his tent and recovering as he was meant to be but instead had fallen asleep huddled by the fire.

Magic and healing potions could only did so much and Dorian needed rest - proper rest, not this.

They were in one of the Inquisition’s small camps amongst the ruins of the Dales long since overgrown by the forests of the Emerald Graves. It was exploring near this particular stretch of the Orlesian countryside that they’d received the unpleasant surprise of wandering giants.

It had been then that Dorian was hurt.

Vaxus hadn’t seen the signs or realized the danger quickly enough…it was his fault.

Beside Dorian, her eyes fixed on the text Way of the Necromancer, was Vaxus’s younger cousin. The pyromancer had been left in charge of looking after Dorian, she and the altus were fast friends and frequent coconspirators in Skyhold.

Now violet eyes glanced over to Dorian and she frowned some seeing that he’d drifted off where he was propped up.

“He kept trying to go look for you,” she muttered a little defensively as she reached over to adjust the oversized cloak that the other mage was wrapped up in so it wouldn’t fall from his shoulder. “Waiting here for you was the only way he’d stay put at all.”

Vaxus flinched a little under the pyromancer’s gaze. Her lips were pursed tightly as she studied him.

Lark was a year younger. And he still remembered the little girl who had tagged after him and Val when her own brothers were too busy to play. He vaguely wondered if she had lost the naive edge to her gaze before the Circles fell or if that attentiveness had been born from protecting her fellow mages during the war.

Vaxus had left the camp. Driven from Dorian’s side by his own guilt. He couldn’t sit there and watch that potion-induced stillness and the ashen color beneath his lover’s skin.

He had nearly lost Dorian.

To something so simple as a foolish mistake and bad luck.

Vax hadn’t been able to stay.

Not when he was to blame for this.

He could see the way his cousin debated scolding him or prying to see if he was okay in her eyes. Instead, she shook her head slightly and sighed.

With a gentle hand on his shoulder she stirred Dorian from his rest, “Hey, he’s back now. See? Perfectly safe.”

Dorian blinked sluggishly at first before spotting Vax standing at the edge of the firelight.

The worried lines around storm colored eyes softened and some of that tension bled from tightly wound shoulders.

“Amatus,” he smiled a little in greeting.

Too tired for more, and likely the offended scolding for making him worry held off by the potions still.

Vax smiled back - he couldn’t let Dorian worry more.

His cousin stood after tucking a letter soft-edged with rereading into her book. She squeezed his arm as she stepped past Vax on her way to the tent she and Sera would be sharing that night.

“Goodnight you two.”

[airghoul]

love tumblr mobile not letting me tag my kilian pic w. my art tag bc editing would ruin the post structure or some shit

[themechcnic-a]

Rules for mobile

Because I assume people who are on mobile more often and probably deserve to read them, or at least the general to understand. Please note the mun is an adult and has other things to do then be on Tumblr all the time. (as in the mun is older then 25 and doesn’t always have time despite the fact i got time on my hands most of the time and no the talk about jobs is not happening. I am not talking about what i do.)

BECAUSE I RUN MULTIPLE BLOGS and I’m likely to come on when I can and have the muse, don’t expect a miracle of replies in an instant. I’m usually lurking, or i’m on my personal starkofson. 

THIS BLOG IS MULTI-SHIP/VERSE, that means no ships will collide nor will any verse, those tend to be vague at best they only shape when things happen in that little world.

PERSONAL, this is for many of the rules and it’s all because of the past, but I will be bloody selective and be mutual only. Can be very picky if I want to be if the muse is being fickle. 

CHANCES, you can get one or two chances, If you’re lucky more. Otherwise, I will happily drop you and unfollow with reason because you’ve not been any good for me. I also reserve the right to drop threads and for my own health. 

MEMES, they can be used as icebreakers, reblogged. I’d rather you make a new thread though, but to what you do. YOU HAVE 48 HOURS ON THESE. 

THREADS will be replied to when possible, sometimes they take a while sometimes not. Don’t make any expectancy on it. Also do not god mod on the threads, that there is one way to being dropped immediately. That means no controlling characters other people roleplay. E.g. Saying they win when in the middle of a sports match. Let it ride out for Christ sake. 

THE MUSE is not the mun, he is a character from the marvel universe, that’s it. I am as real as they come. The muse does things I won’t like, but that said he does what he likes and dislikes what he doesn’t etc. 

I’M MY OWN PERSON. I DO NOT NEED STRESS FROM PEOPLE WHO WON’T ADMIT THEY’RE NOT HELPING OR WILLING TO PLACE BLAME ON OTHERS FOR THEIR ACTION, I AM NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON JUST FOR YOUR SELFISHNESS. 

ROLEPLAYING, this is for fun, there should not be any chance of ruining it because you a. are jealous, b. don’t like someone roleplaying with other people, c. just being rude full stop, d. taking it too seriously and lastly can’t tell the difference between mun and muse. Then you might need to take a step back and think about things. I use icons for roleplaying, I don’t always expect the curtsey because some people don’t and that’s alright. How my writing is depended really on whether I feel like editing it small or not. 

PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG ANY THREAD YOU’RE NOT PART OF, it should be common sense not to do it, even if you do like it and want to keep it on your blog. Don’t. You wish to stalk it then, by all means, stalk it, otherwise keep your grubby hands firmly in the area they are allowed. 

NSFW, Yes they’ll be tagged, also not all of this will be rp’d e.g. rape and sex scenes of the like and anything else. It’s all fade to black. 

TAGGING SYSTEM, everything will be tagged. This includes his likes, places he’s been and any triggers and all the other things that I’ll tag. 

SHIPS, Other than his canon with Elena that will likely be the go-to ship. All ships will be happening with chemistry, be it a crossover or any other kind of thing. 

PLOTTING would be cool, not needed always but for important things please plot first. 

PLEASE TELL ME IF I DON’T TAG SOMETHING. Be it in rules or I’ve forgotten them, I am just a human and it happens. So, don’t be scared that I’ll bite unless that’s your thing of course, then I might oblige. 

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY FORM OF HATE OR ANYTHING RELATABLE. However, criticism or a good idea of how to make things better if they seem to be needed is welcomed.

[meraudurs]

Hi Elena!! You're a blog that I (and I'm pretty sure a lot of other people) look up to! Do you have any tips? For bloggers or hp ones in particular? Anyway, I hope you're having a nice day!!! 💓

hi, hun!! first, thank you so much omg!! i’m really glad you like my blog ahhh :”)) that honestly means so much to me! ♡

as for tips, ahh, i kinda dread this question because i don’t think i should be telling anyone how to run their blog! but; i recommend having your url, icon, desktop theme, and mobile theme clean. how you want to define “clean” is up to you. just make sure, however it looks, it’s readable, it’s easily view-able. (i don’t want to tell you your icon should be ‘this’ and ‘this color’ and blah blah blah. make it whatever you like!)

tagging! tag stuff, especially characters and ships. so people are able to blacklist if they don’t wish to see content about that. 

post what you like!! that’s really important tbh. it’s your blog. you should fill it with things you like. don’t worry about “omg this doesn’t match my blog theme” screw the aesthetic. reblog what you want!! 

if you’re comfortable with it, post about things in your life. about your day. what’s on your mind. i, personally, lOVE reading personal posts and reading that someone hung out with friends and had a great time.

if you like to, make content! whether it’s fanart, gifs, edits, headcanons, or fics. it’s a nice way to interact with the fandom :”)) 

honestly, overall, make your blog how you want it. don’t let anyone’s blograte or rude comment ruin your fun. trust me, tumblr is so much more fun when you blog for yourself :”)) x

[idksheepthoughts]

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/                           like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.