#*jazz hands* abandonment issues

[sailforvalinor]

Girlies still obsessing over the friend breakup, sound off

[on-the-edge-of-dune]

i keep wavering between "pathetic broken child" and "responsible tough adult" with nothing filling up the space that's left

nothing, as in feeling fuck all, knowing i should be glad i don't

it's so fucking weird to be around people knowing they don't choke on the thick wall separating you... maybe that barrier is surrounding only me, like a safety blanket i wove myself

prison created from stubbornness and crippling fear of getting rejected

not knowing how i managed to put it up in the first place makes me hold on to it literally for dear life

god fucking damnit i JUST woke up

[tarathorntonwasright]

a fool who took one look at the bird man in bone jail and said i can’t fix him so i’ll just remind him that he doesn’t need to change in order to be lovable until he believes it🙄

then he has the nerve to make this face when she tells him “you are [enough]”

he’s so scorpio is it any wonder i’m down horrendous

i have been a zevran girl for some time, and it’s hard to simply ignore the reasons for the abuse he talks about laid out before me through this romantic/heroic lens.

but the rookanis romance has been fun! he is so socially intelligent, but not as adept when he isn’t working, and spite’s presence/egging on turns him into a lil bit of a crash out :P

meanwhile damaris was trained as a seer and because spirits are a reflection of our emotional world, she can and will psychoanalyze everyone to tears. she loves talking to spite while lucanis rests, because determination in her experience has strong convictions she can appreciate. after a time she’s able to hear him without him taking lucanis over and it’s a happy kind of threesome.

still i prefer a world where lucanis chooses to leave the crows because he is old for an assassin anyway and enough is enough. his retirement/refusal forces illario and caterina to sort through their blatant mutual resentment for one another, so the last of the family can at last know peace. then lucanis collects his assets (knives, leather boots, magical bialetti, pet snake) and goes adventuring with rook before they settle down in rivain to watch the devouring storm roll in and get married

he also takes rook’s last name :’)

[fawnindawn]

Jason Todd smells like gunpowder, leather and old books. He’s always donning a leather jacket, the same one regardless of how worn out it is. It’s become soft due to the material stretching over his muscles, and it looks almost too small on him with the way the cuffs grip at his wrists. Refuses to get a new one, abandonment issues run strong even with non-animate objects. Has favourites when it comes to guns. Pats them occasionally, strapped beneath his jacket or on his thigh in habit. Names them and gives them a kiss after a mission well done. Ridiculously hot in combat, only cause he likes to show off. Swings his guns just for the flare. You think he’d be less of a threat without them. He just gets worse. Fist fighting with him is your worst nightmare because he enjoys the sound of bone-breaking from pure strength. Bandages over his knuckles always. Never heals with how often he gets into brawls. Large, veiny hands, scar-filled. Huge biceps. Thick neck. Even thicker thighs. He’s just huge. Getting pinned by him means it’s game over. Yet, somehow you never hear him approach till he wants you to. Black, tousled hair that casts shadows over his eyes. Turquoise eyes turned green from the Lazarus Pit. They have this unnatural glow, evident in the dark. Always running from place to place, cause he can’t stand coming back to an empty apartment. Adrenaline junkie. On the rare occasion he’s not plotting something to piss off Bruce, or crushing gang ops, he can be caught in a second-hand bookstore flipping through classic literature. Earphones plugged in with either rap or jazz, no in-between, he’s delicate with books as he flips through the pages. A startling contrast to any Gotham citizen, peering in and seeing a gym hunk hoarding the narrow space between bookcases, holding a miniature sized novel by Jane Austen.

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Jazz Fenton, after years of fixing her brother’s injuries, becomes a Doctor with an inclination towards behavioral health and psychology- In order to make the difference she wants to see in the world she joins Dr. Leslie Thompkin’s practice. 

Jazz Fenton, M.D. has spent years of her life doing research, doing the hard work and the emotional labor, and finally, finally, she’s joining a practice she can feel 100% confident in. She’s goddamn good doctor and she wants to make the biggest impact that she can. 

Dr. Thompkins (who insists that she call her Leslie as they’re colleagues now), is a kind woman, sharp as a tack and keeps her practice open at odd hours to help the most unfortunate. It took some time for them to bond and trust to be built, but now Jazz is being allotted a few night shifts here and there. 

It’s incredible. Jazz gets to spend time with the kids who come in and really talk to them (in addition to getting them antibiotics, heating pads and pokemon themed bandaids) to help equip them with a few coping skills. Her passion for psychology never disappeared after all, but the expansive knowledge of how to heal the human body has made her find a sense of fulfillment like no other.

Having proven herself and worn Leslie down, Jazz now takes up about 1/3 of all the night shifts in the month. She’s hoping to get to 50/50 by the end of the year but she’s content with what she has. Danny keeps odd hours anyway so calling him after work on her walk home can happen any time of day and he will always answer enthusiastically. 

It’s a particularly busy night before he comes in. The Red Hood. 

He was known for being an ally to Leslie, despite being on contentious terms with the Bats, but Jazz had never asked directly. Never one to turn away a patient with bullet hole wounds, she hops into action to get his wounds cleaned, sewed up and gauze wrapped. She’s handing him a sheet (an Infographic! Dani made it with her! Graphic design is her passion!) on how to care for his wounds when he first seems to recognize that she’s not Leslie. 

“No, Of course not. I’m Dr. Fenton. I can’t blame you for not remembering but I did introduce myself as you bled in the entry way. You’re Red Hood, right?” 

“Hm. Didn’t realize the practice was expanding. Where can I find-” He grumbles before pushing her hand aside from where she had still been supporting his shoulder.

“Hold on there, mister. You’re going home, you’re following this infographic and you’re going to get some sleep.” 

“Lady you don’t know-” His voice modulated ton came across antagonistically. As if he was trying to intimidate her. Ha, Jazz rolls her eyes at the inclination.

“Who I’m talking to? Who I’m dealing with? You’re hilarious. I can eat you vigilante’s hero complexes for breakfast. Tell me who I’m calling to pick you up and then you can say thank you.” Jazz snaps at him. It really had been a long night but his whole dialogue thus far is making her a bit batty. 

“Oh really Doc? You know Leslie’s tough shit, and from what I can tell you’ve got nothing on her-” 

“Trying to make me feel insufficient when I just saved your life? That’s cute. I’m sure a lifetime of abandonment by both of your parental figures gave you that. I’m also sure that you inherited this desire to prove you’re not going to be dependent on anyone who wants to help from whoever got you dressing up in tights to fight crime in the first place. Again, I’d love to talk at length about how predictable you-” 

“Bwah- wait- I’m Predictable? You’re probably some nepobaby who had parents who told her she could have the world-” But Jazz cuts him off with hysterical laughter- he couldn’t be further from the truth. Her parents loved her, but nepotism? With what, the ghosts? If anything she got that from Danny, but he doesn’t need to know about her ghostly titles. 

“You’re just some guy who came back from the dead and made his trauma everyone else’s issue. So shut it. And tell me how I’m getting you home from this clinic.” She seethes though her voice stays devastatingly level with each word. 

Speechless for a moment, he eventually relents to Jazz that he’s already called for help on the comms but it will be hours before they can come for a pick up. The sun had already come up and the night had been over for most of them before Hood had walked into trouble. She groans and the realizes the time for herself and the empty clinic around them.

“Fine. My shift just ended anyway. I’ll get you home in one piece and I swear to all the ancients that you’d better follow the directions on the infographic.” 

And that’s how Jazz ended up calling her brother while supporting the weight of a grown ass man (who no longer wanted to talk to her) on her walk home. 

The next time Red Hood appears in her clinic, he’s brought a dozen roses in addition to the cut on his neck that definitely needs to be pressurized like ASAP. Did he stop for the flowers on his way to the clinic? He’s going to pass out from blood loss! She doesn’t even like roses!

[lostinlovingrevery]

Prince Charming

Old Man Logan X F!Reader

Plot: He's really no Prince Charming, but he is to you, and you'll treat him like one too.

A/N: I really just wanted to write old man Logan being taken care of...and also being a little softer because he had someone taking care of him...I just want to give him a hug (and other things...)

Warnings: Smut (18+ only!!), Oral (M recieving), Fluff too!! reader gives Logan a massage (in more ways than one ;) ) pet names like princess and baby used, reader loves Logan a lot, a small section of angst but not really?

Word Count: 2401

Soft jazz played in the background as candlelight flickers against the wall of your…bedroom- if you could call it that. Curtains pulled over large windows, fluffy rugs on the floor, a few pieces of furniture placed carefully around the room, with pictures and decorations and a lamp that gave the room a warm, soft lighting- creating an inviting atmosphere that was nothing but welcoming and cozy. The sound of a shower running in the background added to the relaxing atmosphere that you managed to create inside of a smelting plant. 

So, was living in an abandoned factory what you imagined you would be doing when you grew up? Not exactly; especially considering you’d always wanted a castle… an old smelting plant can be kinda like a castle, right?

But, did you get that ‘prince charming’ you always dreamed of?

Well…maybe not everyone would call him Prince Charming…

But you did. Handsome, brave, intelligent. He was someone you’d always dreamed of sweeping off your feet and he did exactly that. Your Prince Charming has adamantium bones, lived over 200+ years (he probably met your great grandfather!), and is the crankiest motherfucker some days when there’s rain coming and his old metal bones get a little rusty and needed oiling like Tin man from Wizard of Oz (Did he see that when it first came out in 1939?). You adored him, and everything else was noise. 

Maybe Charles questioned your taste in men one time when he was feeling a little moody- but what does he know? He had a situationship with a guy who controls metal, and was, by the way, a bit of a nut.

You were curled up in your shared bed reading a book. When you first moved in- and eventually began sleeping in a shared bed, his bed had torn sheets, flat pillows, and a blanket that barely covered his large figure. He didn’t necessarily see an issue with that- but once you surprised him with memory foam pillows, silk bed sheets, and a huge soft duvet, he quickly changed his tune. He’d come home from a long night at work, collapse into the bed, and his aching bones would melt into the mattress as he’d fall asleep almost immediately, you’d wake up in the night- tucking him in at your side and kiss him on the cheek, and go back to sleep.

That’s what you did, you took care of him all the ways he didn’t take care of himself.

You heard the shower turn off, and in a moment Logan came in, towel wrapped low around his hips, his hair wet on his forehead, and he pushed the wet strands back as he walked to the dresser that sat parallel to the bed. You bit your lip as you admired his figure, watching water dripping down his hairy chest and abs, as your eyes trailed down to the prominent vein that disappeared below the hem of the towel, curse that towel.

“I did your laundry today-” You informed him, snapping out of your lustful state, and he looked at you, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and a warm smile came across his face.  

“Thanks princess.” He says in a low voice, walking over to you and leaning over to give you a peck on the lips- something you happily returned, settling on your knees to meet him halfway. He groaned as he attempted to straighten back out.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” He grumbled, hand going to his back, “Back s’just killing me from sitting in that damn car all the time.” 

You look at him sympathetically, when an idea strikes your head. You crawl backward and patted the bed. “C'mon, lay down.” You say. He raised a brow, unsure of what you wanted, 

“Feeling frisky baby?” He grinned, and you rolled your eyes- but you couldn’t help your smile. Maybe you were, but that wasn’t what you were planning. Yet. 

Shaking your head, you patted the bed again, “Lay on your belly. Off with the towel too” You say. He gave you a questioning look once more, but eventually obliged. You were never one to do something he wouldn’t have enjoyed anyway. He dropped the towel, giving you a nice view of his member, before he climbed onto the bed, and landing on his stomach; He wrapped his arms around a pillow, face planting into it as he waited for you to do whatever shenanigan you were planning for him. You smiled at his resting figure, reaching over to pinch one of his buttocks

“Ay!” He growled. You giggled, holding your hands up to show you wouldn’t do it again, and returned to your task. 

Reaching over, you grabbed your favorite scented lotion, before moving to straddle his back, around his waist. He let out a soft groan, not because of the weight of you- it was slightly comforting to have the pressure of you there, relieving some tense muscles over where you sat. 

Flipping the cap of the lotion off, you squeezed a generous amount onto your hands, clasping them and rubbing the lotion into them, before you placed your hands on Logan's shoulders. You gasped at just how knotted and tense they felt- you’d think the shower would have loosened him up a bit…

He let out a small groan as you pushed and pulled at the muscles in his shoulder, slowly- but surely, you began to loosen the knots as you massaged the lotion into his skin. Using different techniques, like rubbing your thumbs in circles in various spots- that really made him groan, something that sounded almost erotic. You grinned, as your hands moved down to his shoulder blades and upper back.

“Keep moaning like that and even Caliban and Charles will hear you.” You comment, he grunted.

“Let em, I don’t care.” He mutters into his pillow, turning his head so you could understand him. A small giggle escaped you, as you continued your ministrations over his back, palming at tense points and working at his large muscles, thumbs pressing into knots and loosening them, you ran your nails up and down his back- scratching the skin that sent shivers through his whole body. 

You admired the scars on his skin; as you felt every ridge and bump as you ran your hands over his back and up his arms. You knew it wasn’t a good thing, that he doesn’t quite heal like he used to. You still saw them as a part of him, a beautiful part of him that made him a survivor, that kept him alive and kept him coming back to you. You didn’t know how close it would be before those wounds couldn’t heal up, when he may not make it home. You weren’t one to worry about the future though- not when he was here with you now, and you could take care of him the way he deserved. 

You worked him over for an hour, and at one point you were pretty sure he fell asleep, waking up after and claiming he didn’t fall asleep. You sat up on your knees, and gently pat his side, urging him to now roll on his back, which he does so in a slow movement. 

“That was great baby.” He muttered, his eyes half-lidded, and his large hands moved to rest on your thighs that hugged his waist as you sat back to straddle his waist. You smiled, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, pressing your hands to his chest. 

“I’m not done yet.” You say softly, kissing the tip of his nose, and then his lips. Your hands smoothed down his chest and over his stomach, your fingers twining through his coarse chest hair. You ran your nails down the skin- making his stomach flex in reaction and you grinned. 

“Enjoying yourself?” He asks at the sight of your amusement. You smiled down at him and nodded, before moving your hips- grinding against him. Something serious came across his face, as his hands began to squeeze your thighs, leaving dimples in the skin. You rolled your hips again, and you could feel him getting harder underneath you. “So you were just getting frisky hm?”

“I’m just taking care of you Lo-” You say innocently, fluttering your eyelashes at him, you wiggle your hips down, shuffling down his body, where you start pressing kisses over his chest. Your eyes looked up at him as you ran a tongue over his nipple, eliciting a muffled groan as he tightened his jaw, and squeezed his eyes shut, chest rising and falling as he felt anticipation surge through him at every touch you pressed on him. You moved down his stomach, reaching the vein you were staring at earlier, sticking your tongue out, you licked down it- right to his pelvis, and he let out a shaky breath.

You felt slick between your legs at the sound of Logan becoming worked up. He always acts like the boss, the protector, and the provider. The moment you go down on him though, treating him like the prince you saw him as he melts in your arm like putty, appreciating the soft tenderness you give him, and the care you take to make sure everything feels good for him- that he enjoyed you the way you enjoy him. It turned you on hearing what you do to him.

“You’re something else, princess…” He mutters under his breath. You grinned against his skin, as you took in the smell of him, he smelled of cedar and whiskey, the scent of a soap you got him a while back. You bit the skin of his pelvis, making him thrust forward with a groan, as you soothe it over with your tongue. Your hands continued running up and down his belly, as you finally made contact with his erect member. You licked your lips as you sized him up. He was large, the prominent vein from his stomach traveling up to a swollen red tip that leaked a generous amount of precum- beautiful

Logan was an old man, but you never had trouble getting him up. 

Planting yourself between his legs on your belly, you kicked your legs playfully behind you as you took his member in your hand, tapping his tip against your lips, before sticking your tongue out, licking the vein from the bottom of his shaft to the top, as your other hand fondled his balls. He groaned. 

“You like playing with me don’t ya princess?” He rasped, sitting himself up on his elbows so he could get a nice view of you and watch as you took care of him.

You smiled sinfully up at him, and you felt his cock twitch in your hand. His lips parted as he took you in before him, his eyes full of lust. “I’m just helping you not be so tense baby.” You cooed, beginning to stroke his member up and down, he tipped his head back, as you began stroking faster, before taking his tip between your lips, swirling around him and moaning at the taste of him on your tongue. You never truly enjoyed the taste of someone until you met him, and some days it felt like you couldn’t get enough. 

His hand went to your cheek, carefully caressing it- before reaching to pull your hair out of your face- holding it back for you as you worked over him. 

“Look at you darling, so damn pretty…How’d an old man like me get someone like you?” He muttered. You took him deeper into your mouth, slowly working your tongue around him, as spit began to dribble down your chin as you messily sucked him off. He moaned, his hips moving forward, his length going deeper into your mouth, his tip nearly at the back of your throat. You knew he was getting desperate, eager- just barely holding back from shoving you down on him and forcing you to take him completely. You moaned at the thought, eyes rolling back. “Fuck, you feel so good, princess.” He breathed, his voice losing that deep timber, wavering- signaling to you that he was getting closer. 

Your hands braced against his thighs, as you took him in fully down your throat, gagging a bit before you force yourself to swallow, allowing you to bob up and down on his throbbing cock without as much trouble. His hand that held your hair back set the desired pace as he brought you back up to his tip, and down the base, where your eyes began to water, as his very hairy crotch tickled your nose. He was panting, and you now let him take over, as spit covered you chin and his cock, he began thrusting his hips up into your mouth. You felt his thighs begin to shake, and he was cursing under his breath before finally pulling you down over him- head tipped back, a loud curse escaping him, and you felt hot spurts of his cum going down your throat. The pure sight of him was enough to make your legs shake, your stomach tensing as small spasms of an orgasm ran through your body. He let go of your hair, body shaky as you continued to suck him until he rode through his orgasm, and pulled off of him with a pop. You licked your lips, wiping your chin off of the spit. 

He fell back onto the bed, a groan escaping him as he brought his hand up to his face, running it down.

“Fuck princess, you’re something else.” He mutters, and you clambered over him, giving him a sweet kiss. “I love you.” He says softly, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek. 

“Love you too honey.” You purred, kissing his cheek and then his jaw, before curling into his side, his arms wrapping around you. “You feel better?”

“Much.” He mutters, and you could hear he was falling asleep, making you smile. “I’ll return the favor, don’t worry.”

You hummed. “Not a favor Lo. I like taking care of you.”

You felt the small exhale of his chest, and you knew it was an exhale of relief. One where he is silently asking, “What did I do to deserve you?” and you knew simply that all it was, was that he was your prince- and you were his princess. 

[delightful-chaos-collection]

Douxie Headcannons

● He is a terrible cook. Not as bad as Barbra but he can only cook basic things. That why he eats a lot of take out and instant ramen. Jim is horrified

● He's not a fan of horror movies. Zoe makes him watch cause his reactions are funny.

● Douxie loves music. All types of music not just punk. Jazz, pop, blues etc. He loves all genres of music and while his main is a guitar, he can also play the banjo, the flute, acoustic guitar, bagpipes, the accordion and the trumpet.

● He has not been all over the world. Yes, he has been to a lot of places in the world but not all of them. He tried to lay low for a long time and has moved around but he's mainly stayed in Europe most of the time. He avoided getting involved in world politics, wars etc. While he joined the occasional protest, he really tried to keep it low

● He has not been to all the major historical events. There is a trope with immortals that they were present at EVERY major historical moment in history and had relationships with every major historical figure. But nope, not Douxie. He's been to like 3 but otherwise, he's either doing his own thing, like monster hunting, learning instruments, playing at concerts or just staying under the radar and living.

● He's also only had a handful of relationships. Like you would imagine he had a lot of relationships but actually he only had a few. Like 7 or 8 relationships. He has fallen for two mortals and the relationships didn't end when they find out he's a wizard, they freak out and break up with him and call him a devil spawn. He also dated a few other immortal wizards of his physical and mental age but after some time they broke up. His longest relationship was with an immortal which lasted for 4 years.

● He is desperate for love and validation. He loves Archie but this is a different kind of love, but he is also terrified of relationships because of his past ones.

● He's stuck. Like literally he is stuck looking like 19-20 years old physically. He's more mature than a regular 20-year-old and has been through some stuff but even still. Being physically and mentally stuck as a 20-year-old for the rest of your life kind of sucks.

● People constantly talk down to him due to his age, they think he's only trouble and a college dropout and dating kind of sucks because falling in love with a mortal is a big no-no for him because of the whole no-aging thing and he doesn't want to go through that, not again. And there are only a handful of wizards in the world that are actually physically 20 just like him.

● That is why Archie is his best friend. Another immortal, his best friend. who has been with him through so much. he cannot be apart from Archie for more than 2 days otherwise he starts having a panic attack. Archie is his emotional support animal both to Douxie and legally.

● He's a massive bisexual disaster

● He loves musicals

● Writes songs and lyrics and poems

● He has a bunch of old diaries that he has kept, which include his own thoughts and feelings. some of which is severally depressing

● He has severe abandonment issues. with how Merlin kind of just left him for 900 years. him being an ageless immortal in a world that changes so often with people that grow old and leave him.

● Has a of anxiety and insecurities. His mental health is not the best in the world. He keeps it hidden

● Most of his socks are those fluffy cat claw socks. He loves wearing them. It's honestly unironic.

[theweirdestroller]

Can I just ask you for some of your twin headcanons? I'm so intrigued by your versions of them, they make me so happy!!

-Fox anon

I'm glad you like them so much!!

I will gladly share my headcanons!! I'll split this into Sunny Side Up headcanons and general stuff.

This feels like a bullet points kind of post, so here it is! Starting with Sunny Side Up

Sunstreaker is aroace. He takes physical damage every time Sideswipe (or Strongarm) mentions Windblade

Much like Sides, Sunny has some level of abandonment issues

Despite only being affected from (very) long distance separation, neither twin is ever very far from each other ever

Sideswipe actually dislikes Steeljaw quite a bit more than in canon for... reasons (not that he knows why)

Sides enjoys music more than Sunny, though Sunstreaker's taste in music is similar to Sideswipe's

Sunstreaker isn't nearly as competitive as his brother. UNLESS! He is competing against or with him, then they're both competitive as hell

Despite being just as much as a menace as Sideswipe internally, outwardly, Sunstreaker doesn't act on it as often. He will help with pranks and such, as those are hilarious to him more often than not

Both twins are really good at keeping secrets and hiding stuff

Sideswipe can play several Cybertronian instruments, most at a beginner level, some more intermediate

Sunny Side Up has artist Sunstreaker because that's just one of my favorite overall headcanons for him, however! Sideswipe can't do any traditional art to save his life

Sideswipe likes hugging people to show affection! Sunstreaker doesn't like hugs as much, but he will listen/talk to you if he really likes you

I think that's gonna do it for Sunny Side Up specific headcanons. On to more generic stuff!

Both twins respect Prowl and Ratchet more than any other bot they know. They also have to get on their nerves more often too

Bluestreak is Sideswipe's best friend, and by extension, Sunny's friend too

Sideswipe is a lot smarter than he lets on but prefers fighting, so he doesn't bother telling anyone

Jazz is Sideswipe's favorite target for pranks, Smokescreen is Sunstreaker's

I adore the stronger/more overpowered versions of their twin bond, something about the idea of annoying each other when no one else can hear, or simply talking about someone else because nobody will ever find out

Neither twin likes the taste of high-grade, but Sides will have it when other Autobots do, he likes to feel included

Sunstreaker taught Bob to steal things from Wheeljack (why Wheeljack? Who knows. I just like the idea of Bob getting stuff for Sunny. Wheeljack's a prime candidate because he would never suspect thievery first)

The only people allowed to help Sunstreaker with any injuries that aren't immediately fatal are Ratchet and Sideswipe. Prowl and Optimus too, on a good day

Sideswipe hands random trinkets he likes to people he likes. Sunny has a small collection of rocks, chess pieces, bits of plants, plastic toy animals, an assortment of pony beads, and origami. He does not know where Sideswipe found any of it, especially considering most of it is human-sized (Ratchet has several colorful bits of cloth, tiny glass animals, and origami as well. Prowl has colored three ring binders and a stack of human and Cybertronian-sized stickers. Bluestreak has a human cassette, just one, Blaster played it and it had a bunch of random and varying songs. Optimus got a large plush lion once)

Sunstreaker likes throwing things at Red Alert. Most of the time it's not in a friendly capacity, but sometimes it is. Red Alert assumes the worst every time

Sunstreaker's favorite sparring partner, aside from Sideswipe, is Blades (Gen 1, not Rescue Bots. RB Blades would not enjoy that)

I think this is where I'm gonna end it! I know I have more, but this is already quite a bit. I would have shared more for Sunny Side Up, but those would get into spoiler territory very quickly

[ask-radio-deerman]

Hello, Lord Alastor!

It's so very lovely that you've decided to join their Majesties Kings Lucifer and Adam in creating a blog! Isn't it amazing that they're finally together after being eons apart?

Have you ever made jambalaya with fresh venison sausage? I must say it really brings the recipe to a whole new level! 😄 Unfortunately for me, ever since I died, I haven't been able to engage in the joys of cooking quite as much. On the other hand, I've actually become proficient enough at the harp to actually start improvising with it, and I've come up with a few jazzy tunes you might like! Boo ba da ba da ba da ba boo da dooui!!! 🎶

Hello there dear thank you for the warm welcome. This little blog was miss Charlie's idea!

..........

Yes, it seems nothing can really separate them now does it? Not even the acts of utter betrayal. Though I suppose Adam made it easy for his majesty after everything. That's what happens when you're desperate and have abandonment issues.

Good for them.

I have actually! It is quite delicious, perhaps if you ever stop by the hotel I can serve you up a personal batch.~

Ahh, yes Jazz the true art form for the ears.

[brandwhorestarscream]

my heart breaks seeing optimus cry, he's such a big lovey teddy bear 😭 what did jazz find? plz i need to know ive been rotating this story in my head like a rubiks cube i can't stop thinking about it

I'm glad to hear it anon! 🥰 I hope you've been enjoying all the Reports I've been putting out, those tie in with this story! We're only at the tip of the iceberg now :) so, without further ado:

...

Jazz sounds troubled as he relays the very limited information. The company responsible for manufacturing those dolls in their likeness, and who's logo matched the marking on the unfortunate victim, had shut down seven earth years ago. There was very little readily available information about it: the humans had only started universally sharing global information a couple decades ago, and it was still a very primitive, underused tool. Mentions of the company on the internet and in publicly available texts were plentiful, as they had been a giant in the industry during their time, but there is very little to be said about it's sudden closure. There had been a quiet, formal statement issued by the CMO about slipping profits and an unsustainable business model. A few news articles and interviews had been dug up, but they were full of speculation about what their factory's closing meant for their otherwise-unremarkable town.

"They shut their doors, most everyone cleared outta there within a couple years. Nothin' else."

For all the world, it looked like a standard, unfortunate case of a business struggling to stay afloat amid economic shifts and a fickle target audience. Perhaps it had been. But, regardless, it was evident that something utilizing their logo had committed unspeakable atrocities on a human child, and it warranted immediate investigation.

Ratchet tries his hardest to keep Optimus from joining them. His face still sagged heavily with grief, and his optics were hollow, but he presented a steely resolve. Insisting that he had to go, he owed it to the poor thing that had perished because of him. How could he delegate the difficult work to others, rather than forge ahead? He wanted to excavate the truth, bring it to light, and hopefully, in having their story told, the child could rest peacefully.

"I need to know how and why this happened, Ratchet," he had said, voice softly rasping. "I need to know by who's hand... and I need to ensure it never happens again."

And that was that. They departed with Ironhide, Jazz, and Bumblebee to investigate, with Skyfire making what would've been a several hour drive less than 45 minutes by flight. It was once a very charming little human town, Ratchet thought as they descend low over the city limits. Neat little houses lined up in rows made up abandoned neighborhoods, their roof tiles bleached and weathered from years without maintanence, with a central busy district with all manner of little shops and businesses. At the west side of the city and stretching from border to border, towering above everything beneath it, was the factory. The sheer size was impressive, given that it was operated by humans: it was compromised of many smaller, interconnected buildings in a variety of shapes, towers and smokestacks alike stretching into the air. The colors are faded, but widespread: in it's peak, the factory had been splashed bright yellow and red, green and blue, with stripes in some places and polka dots in others.

Skyfire let's them out nearly a half mile from the factory, but it can still be seen plain as day. They send him off with promises to comm when they needed an extraction, before turning their attention to the massive building. The setting sun is sinking behind it, setting a blazing orange backlight and the illusion that many of the windows are lit.

On approach, it looks normal. Wide sparse fields on either side of the central road leading up to the central building. Dust kicks up beneath their tires, and there's quite a bit of tenacious vegetation growing in the numerous cracks in the asphalt. All fine and dandy for a road that hadn't been cared for in years, but the sign.

It's a massive sign, comparatively, nearly eight feet long and half as tall, staked into the ground with two metal beams. It looks like it should light up, but the image is plenty clear without any. It's the company's name displayed in big, bright letters in simple, child-friendly font. But leaning against the first letter and raising one hand in greeting is Optimus Prime's perfect likeness. Beside him, there's Ironhide, smiling in a very un-Ironhide-like fashion and giving a cheerful thumbs up. There's Hound, Blaster, Arcee, and even Bumblebee too, all of them posed happily around the letters and looking to be greeting incoming guests.

"...I'm not the only one that thinks that's weird, right?" Bee aounds distinctly uncomfortable. "I can't be the only one."

"Definitely weird, Bee." Jazz is audibly frowning. "

That sign definitely hadn't been present the last time they were here. Or, if it had, it had been knocked over or destroyed because of the decepticons, and Ratchet hadn't seen it. He'd remember seeing something like that. Had they really been this heavily featured in human marketing and never noticed?

It gets even worse when they arrive at the main doors. The building is tall, and the automated double doors are more than thrice the height of the average human. They creak and screech unpleasantly on their tracks, rusty from sitting dormant for so long, but they're able to fanagle their way inside with moderate crouching. It's definitely cramped with the five of them, and Optimus is hunching a little bit, but they do manage to make it inside. The ceilings look to be about 20 feet, so the likes of Jazz and Bumblebee are able to move around with relative ease.

Without warning, the lights suddenly come on. Bumblebee yelps and utters a startled swear, backpedalling away from-

"OH! Oh Primus, that's uncanny-"

There's another Bumblebee.

Standing off to the side, between a central desk and a glass door that leads into a darkened room, there is another Bumblebee. He stands at exactly the same height as theirs. He's painted bright yellow with the exact same proportions, the same facial structure, everything. Their scout looks shaken, optics wide and leaning away from it.

The other Bumblebee remains completely motionless. Ratchet swallows.

"S'it... alive?"

The medic steps toward it. It doesn't move. It gives off no heat signature when he scans it, and when he bends down to get a look at it's face, there's no eyes. Just a film of blue-tinted plastic.

"No. No, it's just a-"

"HI!"

Ratchet will deny the shrill noise that rips from his vocalizer as he stumbles back, already reaching for his blaster as it suddenly shouts at him. It's arm creaks and raises at a 90° angle from It's body.

"I'm Bumblebee! Welcome to Playco! Make sure to check in with our Welcome Ambassador to be assigned to your tour guide! And don't forget to stop by the toyshop, because every child deserves a toy!"

They all remain frozen. It's mouth doesn't move, the sound projecting from somewhere in it's torso.

"I don't sound like that, do I?!" The real Bumblebee asks, sounding despaired. "I don't- do I really look like that?!"

Ironhide pats at him absent-mindedly. "Ya sure it's not alive, Ratch?"

The medic gulps. Primus, look at him, jumping at the slightest thing like a timid newspark. The autopsy is still heavy in his mind, it has him on edge. "Yes, I'm sure," he grumbles. "It... must be motion-activated. It's not-"

"HI! I'm Bumblebee! Welcome to Playco! Make sure to-"

It continued to play it's recorded greeting, and Ratchet sighs. "On a timer, it looks like."

Great.

...

Gonna cut it here cuz my fingers are tired. They've officially arrived on scene... wonder what they'll find next 🤭

[xysidhequeen]

I know in your Red Knight AU, Jason when on the rampage in another realm, after finding out that Batman replace him with another Robin.

Did Danny manage to be there for him during that time?

He did! Danny was always there for Jason. He actually wanted to chase after Jason immediately, but luckily, the first thing he did was panic call Jazz, absolutely out of his mind. Jazz promptly told Danny to let Jason have some space for a little bit to process.

Which was for the best, really. Jason needed to not feel like he was trapped and that he could be angry. He never really got that before. But the most important thing is Danny came after him and brought him home. Jason needed to feel like he could be angry, but also, like his anger wouldn't mean he'd be punished or abandoned. It was a very delicate time for him, but Danny, Jazz, Sam, Tucker, and all our favorite ghosts made sure Jason knew he was very much wanted still. And that he was utterly irreplaceable.

Skulker handled this by breaking all of his weapons and suits overnight and saying he didn't know how to fix them. (Jason very much knew what he was doing, but the time spent on fixing things helped ground him)

Ember handled this by announcing that she couldn't possibly ever sing ever again unless her only other band member was there (Still very obvious, but music time with Ember usually devolved into very necessary crying time. A lot of ice cream was consumed)

Johnny and Kitty handled this by getting into a MASSIVE fight and refusing to speak to each other unless Jason mediated. (This actually was far less obvious, as the two tend to get into fights often. No one is actually certain if the fight was fake or not to this day, but they also haven't broken up once since and Jason is incredibly proud of that)

Fright Knight handled this by.... well, actually, he took the blunt approach and told Jason there was no one in any realm dead or alive he'd ever consider worthy to be his apprentice besides Jason. (This was highly effective as Frighty has always been bluntly honest with Jason. He didn't wholly believe it but it was a comfort. Frighty then beat his ass in a spar and he didn't think of much else)

Basically, everyone was there for Jason. Not just Danny. Jason was made to feel like his anger and hurt were valid, because they were. But he was also not just told, but shown how precious he was to every life he touched. He didn't get it, not at first and he struggled to really believe it.

It wasn't until later, after Danny opened up more about his own trauma and the effects it had on him that Jason actually began to somewhat understand more of what Jazz meant when she said Danny was getting better. He pieced more of the story together from the others to paint a better picture, and that's when it clicked for him. As much as he needed Danny, Danny had needed him just as much. (Clockwork may have had a hand in this as well, but whatever those two talked about, no one will ever know)

Also, as an aside, once everything calmed down, Danny was very pleased to learn the rebelling realm was now back under control and quite terrified of the Ghost King and his Knight. It saved him so much paperwork.

So yeah, this was a bit all over the place, but hopefully, it answers your question. Team Phantom and the ghosts are basically a very large family, and they might fight and bicker, but they seriously pull through and muster together if anyone is hurting. They're a bit clumsy sometimes with it, but the love they all feel is very obvious. I really, really wanted to give Jason a much more healthy origin story into becoming Red Hood than he got in canon. The poor boy went through enough. It was past time for him to get to heal.

Jason still has some hangups. His abandonment issues are still there, and his fear of rejection. But it's not as bad as it was, and because he'd been allowed to express his anger without being punished(or enabled, anger is a fine emotion to feel. But you should never let it consume you) for it, he figured out how to manage it.

He might still slip now, and then, he has trauma, and that won't go away. But Danny will never, ever let him fall. Neither will the rest of the weird little eclectic family they've built.

[the-wolf-files]

Birds Eye View - Notes and Character Profiles [12.17.24]

ANIMATED UNITS OF TIME REFERENCE:

Century - Human century/100 stellar cycles

Stellar cycle - 1 year/320 solar cycles

Decacycle - 10 human days/10 solar cycles

Solar cycle - 1 human day/10 megacycles

Megacycle - 2 human hours/100 cycles

Nanoclick - 1 human second

CHARACTER PROFILE:

Name: Trill

Species: Beastformer/Maximal

Alignment: Autobot

Age: Unknown

Trill is a beastformer who came to Earth from the planet Cybertron, making themselves a home on a small island they landed on. Their beast mode takes on the form of what humans call an owl, although the form chosen is a small species of owl. Despite their tiny size they are still a skilled archer and reliable scout, carefully executing any assignment they're given. Their main weapon is a bow that is embedded into their left leg and the feathers of their wings act as the arrows necessary for said bow. They also have a secondary ability, their claws. Whether in beast mode or in robot mode they can shoot metal thorns out of their hands as a means of defense.

They lived on the little island for around 9 decacycles before they were unfortunately chased off by the dino bots being homed there. The dino bots turned the island into their territory and almost burned Trill to a crisp, prompting them to leave and fly somewhere else. They would later find refuge in an abandoned warehouse close by, not realizing it was now the Autobot secret base. They were later discovered by Prowl and carefully handled with his knowledge of Earth animals, just for him to quickly find out they were another Transformer. From then on, Optimus would take them under his wing and teach them the ways of the Autobots, from then on joining them in the fight against the Decepticons.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Optimus Prime - Super kind and fatherly. Likes to push Trill to their full potential and throw challenges at them while they have casual down time together. Also let's them rest on his shoulder as a perch.

Bumblebee - ADHD besties type vibe. Bee is absolutely much more obnoxious and hyper, but Trill likes to go flight racing with him to stretch their wings. They think he's definitely a bit too reckless for his own good.

Bulkhead - Super sweet guy and very talented artist, albeit clumsy a lot of the time! Trill enjoys being a live study for him to paint and getting to see the end result. Sometimes they sketch portraits of him in return.

Ratchet - Started off really mean and grouchy at first, though he really is *still* grouchy, but once you get closer to him he lets his guard down a little. Truly just a caring old man at spark.

Prowl - Likes watching nature documentaries with him, and if not meditating they'll have friendly sparring sessions with him. Good to keep themselves in shape and have silly banter.

Jazz - Super nice and really fun to hang out with. His curiosity and cool temper make a great combo for Trill to tell him all about beastformers and how they live in the wild. He clearly gets his interests from Prowl.

Blurr - Honestly might be the one autobot they really dislike. He views himself so highly for being on the elite guard and his super fast speech hurts their ears. They'd prefer to not be around him if possible.

Sari Sumdac - Really cute little girl they enjoy spending their time with. They have some trust issues with her father, but Sari and Trill grew closer once they learned she was half cybertronian. They would later become a pseudo mentor for her.

[sundewhasaudhd]

Sometimes I have these moments of clarity where I’m like “Wow, I’m really projecting on c!Wilbur while writing this fic” or “Damn, this headcanon for c!Wilbur is just like me fr” Like I have fucking list: 1) The way I write c!MAD duo in my main AU. A bit context for this point. My main AU is just my first DSMP AU and it’s doesn’t have a main motif, and since it’s the main AU I write, I just really call it my main AU. And c!MAD duo is c!Wilbur and c!Dream. So onto the projection part. So Wilbur was alone in limbo for a fucking WHILE, and then Dream revived and interacted with him and was “friendly” with him, so he hyperfixated on him and developed a really unhealthy romantic attraction to him. And Dream sometimes uses that attraction to get him to be what he wants. And, yeah, Wilbur kind of knows that Dream’s a bad person, but kinda “justifies” it a little like “oh, maybe they deserved it”, or “maybe I just don’t have enough context”, or “maybe it’s not that serious, and that’s just their dynamic”. 2) How he responds to accidentally hurting and realizing he hurt people he cares about. He berates himself for ever doing something like that, and thinks he deserves to die or feel pain, leading into my next point,

3) The SH that follows after that. He hurt someone he cared about didn’t he? There were so many other things he could’ve done, but instead he hurt someone that didn’t deserve it. Regardless of whether it was an accident or not, that doesn’t really matter right now. So he makes himself hurt too. And he doesn’t really understand how unhealthy this is either.

4) Abandonment issues out the shitter. With the anxious attachment style. Now, 1-4 are all projection, but just more extreme. There rest are just up projections, with no added to it. 5) AuDHD. No further elaboration needed.

6) Being a gothic horror fan.

7) Being into the same niche ass musical I’m into.

And those are all the ways I project onto c!Wilbur. Thank you for coming to my Ted-Talk. *jazz hands 🙌*

[jessilynallendilla]

So I just read Danny Phantom: A Glitch in Time and...it was ok

Had this come out when I was a kid and just watched Ultimate Enemy I would have gone absolutely feral over it

this show came out in 2004 so not quite sure how to feel about the updated technology IMO it would have been cool to have a time capsule of the show than the common floating timeline you see in comics

unlike with DC graphic novels you can tell the person that wrote this is actually a fan of the show and not a rando corporate pick the plot is plausible and the characters stay in character

A loyal tribute that brings in new lore and character growth

it also retcons the hated movie Phantom Planet

And it leaves enough to be curious for the sequel

People either seem to love it saying it's a good continuation the more serious take they wanted or hate it saying they're tired of villains being complex and redeemable and not pure evil anymore and the plot seems too much like tumblr fanfiction

I made notes as a read it so spoilers under the cut

Dash Kwan Paulina and Star are ghost hunters 

Tucker has instagram/twitter “Spectregram” fans 

The Fentons supply the town’s ghost hunting tech unasked 

Tucker’s wiki “click-a-pedia" has him listed as married to Ember 

Danny and Jazz just accept their father is such a bungler he can’t even kill a guy by abandoning him in space 

Dan was strong enough to dent the only thing that can contain him and just it being knocked off a shelf was enough for him to break out (why Clockwork the Master of Time never foresaw this happening moved it from a table to a more secure location ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ) 

So uh... Dan just absorbed “ate” Clockwork  

Ecto energy can reach atomic bomb levels so dimension ending threat there 

Since the Disasteroid his powers have been fading their theories match their personalities Tucker-science Sam-government Jazz-trauma  

“Do you have any childhood trauma you wanna talk about?” (like Jazz as if you weren’t there) 

Vlad found a primordial source of ecto energy and just kept that information to himself for a rainy day 

Jazz has a magical girl transformation for her ghost fighting suit 

Vlad is just “ignore those clones” (there in clothes so did Vlad just buy multiple copies of Danny’s favorite outfit how did he know his size) 

Vlad is such an old man who doesn’t know how to use modern computers 

“not a place of honor” ah the nuclear waste warning (we don’t really get much more exploration of this or the seven ancients) 

Sam is a horse girl 

Valerie still holding that grudge huh 

In Pariah’s Keep Danny is suffers from bad memories and holds Sam’s hand to comfort himself 

The Keep is Fright Knight’s domain  

Danny just forgets humans are the ghosts in the Ghost Zone (in line with how often he forgets what powers he has) 

Fright Knight calls Pariah his master 

Vlad is such a loser he keeps getting his shit kicked 

Maddie “That’s not my Danny.” 

The Ghost Zone and human world were split in half an unnatural divide 

Danny is still a C student (io don't think he's going to be an astronaut)

Ghosts are manifestations of human emotions not separate entities (take that Fartman) 

Eventually they start to lose their human identity it’s why some are less human 

Vlad has his own “Where’s the rest of it?” meme 

They figured out all ghosts run on some emotional drive or purpose  

Danny realizes his purpose is protection but now there’s no longer the monster of the week threat or his parents he never asked himself what he wanted 

Now instead of constant fighting he’ll help the ghost achieve their desires they just want to keep doing in death what they did in life and heal the rift 

Fight for control Clockwork 

Vlad finally grew as a person realizing it was his action and drive for power that drew everyone away and has making amends as his new purpose 

Dan just doesn’t want to be alone (makes sense the “no more painful human emotions” +Vlad’s anger and abandonment issues so he’s all the emotions and pain) 

Dan is destabilizing flashing back to his pre Dark child form because he’s a being outside his destroyed timeline  

Danny is the GOAT 

Clockwork needs to fix what he can of the time streams and Danny has two choices Post Disasteroid+no powers or Pre Disasteroid+powers  

Danny gives up being accepted so he can fix the realms “I’m Danny Phantom, proctor of humans and ghosts!” 

They are back to being invisible losers and Sam is just happy goths aren’t popular anymore 

The city doesn’t know how they avoided the Disasteroid but the Mayor declares ghosts are responsible for everything the city will now have a branch of ghost hunters and Danny Phantom is again public enemy #1 

Clockwork transfers Dan from Vlad into one of the empty clones he’s Vlad’s responsibility now he’ll be too busy to help again 

Clockwork’s powers are finite (so he isn’t omnipotent and all powerful) but he still feels something wrong in the stitches he feels weaker now 

And Valerie has a Time Medallion and is pissed (but there was a Valerie in the crowd at the Mayor’s speech so the two Valeries might meet up in the sequel)  

Jazz is ecstatic she was right about ghosts being emotions based  

[quietbluejay]

Transformers Infiltration #3 (part 1)

All right, this issue we meet the rest of the gang!

Sunstreaker pushes the mute button

Sunstreaker: easily sorted

Prowl (the guy pointing at our friend Ratchet here) puts both his hands on his hips

Prowl: So you say. Nevertheless, Ratchet, you broke protocol - direct contact with a native species is an infraction of sub-section six-alpha of-

Prowl: well, you know the code violations. Intimately

also here are Bumblebee, Wheeljack, and Jazz!

and I'm trying to cut down on images so I can't show rn but I really love how this artist does Transformers feet and okay I know that sounds weird

Ratchet: clearly, the Decepticons had not found what they were looking for, as they'd left an operative in the field to see who, if anyone, came sniffing around

in the flashback it's showing one of the decepticon car dudes firing mini missiles at Ratchet

(also oooo take a shot at the "humans are special") (and Prowl continues to have a wildly different characterization here than later writers would go for)

veritycarlo and hunteronion you'd think by this point they'd have figured out the given name/surname thing

Prowl:...had the data storage device, yes, I understand all that. What I don't get...

Prowl: ...is why you saw fit to intervene in the first place and risk exposing us all!

Ratchet: tell me something, Prowl, why are we here?

Prowl: what?

Ratchet: And I mean that in a literal rather than existential sense

Ratchet: why are we here on this planet?

Ratchet: I…

Ratchet: no, it wasn't like that. They were already in the firing line. I-

Ratchet: you're going to alert Prime, right?

Prowl: no, Ratchet, I am not. Not until I'm satisfied that that there's anything that remotely warrants his direct involvement.

Prowl: end of discussion

Ratchet glooms in silence for a panel

Ironhide just stares at him wow that's a different characterization for Ironhide than anything I'm used to

blitwing and skywarp!

Blitzwing: next?

starscream: subtlety is for the weak!

next up, back to the kids

Verity: You! Only you're not a "you", are you? You're some kind of hologram

Ratchet: more or less. It's holomatter. But the general principle is the same

Ratchet: Now…

Verity: a bigger box. Nice

Ratchet: an unfortunate necessity. Your being here at all…

Ratchet: ...was conditional on somewhat limited access

Ratchet: you're on the bottom of Lake Michigan, about ten miles northeast of Chicago

Hunter: oh

Ratchet: Now, the computer.

Ratchet: please.

Ratchet's avatar plugs it into a cable

Ratchet: It will be returned to you, I promise, but I must have access to the data stored within. I believe the very future of this planet depends on it

Ratchet: This won't take long. I had Wheeljack prepare an interface ahead of our arrival based on web specs for the SM-40, I just hope…

there's an identical beat panel

Jimmy: and…is there a phase six?

Ratchet: trust me, you don't want to know

Ratchet: strange thing is, not only is it far too early for siege mode...

Ratchet: there appear to be two distinct command bunkers - one in Oregon and the other in, ah, Nebraska

wow lot of info they got there

"Looks abandoned"

Ratchet: but inconclusive

Ratchet: If I'm to convince Prowl and the others of the imminency of the threat...I need more

Verity: so…why'd they move?

i think that's blitzwing again lol

he's here to destroy stuff and he's having a pretty nice time

the tank fires at the building, which explodes

Blitzwing transforms into a jet

he and skywarp fly off through another portal the portals are so bizarre

and this one is gonna be a two-parter!

to be honest, I've found this bit about the involvement of the humans to be a bit contrived.

but I'll probably get a little more into it next time

tbh this early stuff kind of wants to have its cake and eat it too it wants to be all adult and grown up but also have its young human protagonists involved in the plot and the type of contrivance you can use for kids shows etc look a lot more threadbare when you're trying to go for something "realistic"

also i feel like i shouldn't have to say this and i've said it before but for clarity's sake me pointing out something like this doesn't mean i hate it and it's a dealbreaker

just feel like i should bring it up to be fair

[sloshed-cinema]

The End (2024)

Wait, do I actually hate musicals? While they appear to be going through something of a resurgence on film, this year has had a pretty bad batting average for them in terms of consistent quality. Chronicling the whingeing and self-therapy of an unconventional family living in a salt mine bunker two decades after the end of the world, everything stable in The End is thrown into a flux when a newcomer suddenly arrives. Except by ‘flux’, I mean that the wheels keep spinning in a slightly different way than before. For its sprawling 148-minute runtime, it has the content of a roughly 30-minute one act operetta or the like. To fill up all of that extra time, the same plot points and conundrums are presented over and over again: should we kick this new girl out? How are my daddy issues today? How can I fail to confront the past and start to collapse under the weight of my own guilt or denial? With each scene, it’s as if the entire family have had the Men in Black memory eraser applied to them and they’ve totally forgotten anything that happened immediately prior. Only very limited character development occurs throughout, the son slowly coming out of his shell with the aid of the new girl, and the full dark secrets of the mother and father gradually become a little less shadowy. For there is a lot of blood on their hands, after all: the world has ended in climate catastrophe in part due to the man’s ruthlessness as a businessman in the fossil fuel industry. His emotionally stunted son, who has never known life outside the confines of the bunker, writes a revisionist version of his father’s story and learns a glossy version of US history in order to assuage his dad’s guilt. And the boy’s mother withdraws internally any time anything emotionally unsavory is even broached, a bitter and unstable woman haunted by nightmares. The girl is troubled in her own way, racked with guilt over abandoning her family, feeling tainted for surviving in this manner. But the film fails to answer one question: why should we give a damn about any of these rich assholes? As they (and we) push forward into an uncertain future, why are we focusing on the source of the problem, exploring them like they’re anyone worthwhile?

The music in this film is the very definition of a double-edged sword. Joshua Oppenheimer takes an approach similar to that of Jacques Demy in The Umbrellas of Cherbourg or Young Girls of Rochefort, using free-ranging song technique without formal verse-chorus structure or even strict adherence to a single genre of music within the confines of a moment. Traditional Broadway stylings can give way suddenly to sultry jazz or opera-lite in a single turn of phrase. The songs are melodically adventurous (almost too much so at points), and there’s a confidence to how it interweaves multiple viewpoints into trios and quartets. When family members contemplate a common notion, bringing their differing thoughts into focus, it recalls the lyrical sensibilities of Sondheim or Boublil. That's not to say the lyrics are particularly good, of course. It tries. But in execution it’s at points not unlike getting an ice pick driven into the temple. I adore the cast but my god for the purposes of this, what’s the opposite of a triple threat? Pain. Sheer pain. Tilda Swinton proves once again she is one of the most risk-embracing performers working currently and she goes at it with the gusto and conviction of a church lady singing a hymn. Choreography that George MacKay either improvised or was taught is embarrassing and awkward (perhaps befitting of his character, admittedly), and many vocals are either overly processed or could have done with another take. There are so many missed opportunities in this, but with the enormous list of executive producers flashed up front, I suppose it’s a too many cooks situation in terms of bringing out its better notions or avoiding missteps. Audacious missteps should be allowed to happen, I suppose, but perhaps they could be less extreme in what they expect the audience to endure.

This has some absolute S-Tier awkward family dinners. The parents not knowing how to describe wine, the lengthy pauses when everyone realizes they have no fucking clue what even to say, the person who gets overly emotional and then shut down by a horde of repressed masses, the mutual realization that everyone sucks and is boring… is this webcam footage of my family every Thanksgiving?

THE RULES

SIP

Someone says 'family'.

A song begins.

It seems like a song is about to begin but nothing happens.

BIG DRINK

Someone names a color.

The son begins to read from his book.

The girl gets threatened with eviction from the bunker.