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pansyslut · 4 years

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insecurities

draco x reader

a/n: i’m aware i haven’t wrote in almost two weeks- oopsies. it’s not that i haven’t wrote anything it’s more that everything i write is just blah. i’m pretty sure this is blah as well. i’m tired and i feel bad for not putting anything out. there is a very good chance i will wake up in the morning and reread this with a clear head and realize how trash it is and take it down. enjoy it while you can :)

warnings: none really. very very little sexual talk but it’s really nothing.

summary: draco and y/n run into her ex. he lets her in on his insecurities. angst, fluff.

just like every other friday, you and draco had date night. it had become your weekly ritual. you would both dress up and go to your favorite restaurants.

this week you both chose something casual. deciding to go to some lowkey mexican restaurant and sit outside on the patio.

you hadn’t seen draco very much that week due to work. not only did it put a strain on your emotional relationship but your sexual relationship as well. because of your lack of time together, throughout the whole dinner he kept caressing your thigh making it extremely hard to concentrate on whatever he was talking about.

you both ate with lighthearted flirty banter all night. discussing dessert and weekend plans. it had eventually grown dark but the patio had fairy lights everywhere which draco had pointed out was cute which made you laugh.

“y/n”

you turn to see none other than your ex (if you could even call it that), cedric, standing over you.

you and cedric had fooled around for a couple months but you both knew it wasn’t anything else. as soon as you reconnected with draco you had sent him a simple text explaining it was over. he had text you a few times but you never gave him the satisfaction of replying.

he stars down at you giving a warm smile. “you haven’t replied to my texts.” he says, his eyes darting back and forth between you and draco.

you internally roll your eyes. of course i haven’t you idiot, why would i?

i mean don’t get me wrong the sex was good- the sex was really good. but it was simply that. sex. to keep one another preoccupied until the next situation presents itself. draco was different. he was more.

giving him a harsh smile back, “i’ve been busy.” you say shortly.

cedric nods and runs his fingers through his hair. he leans down and grabs your chin, “call me when you decide you’re not busy anymore. we both know you get bored.” he says in in your ear then softly pressing a kiss a little too close to your mouth.

he said it loud enough for draco to hear. turning back to him and seeing his face, he definitely heard. you turn back up to cedric to find him already walking away before he sending a wink in your direction.

facing draco, you see his stern unreadable expression. “dray?” you say softly. shaking his head as to brush you off and waving to the waited for the check.

he stars at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. deciding not to push it, you sit silently waiting to leave. finally getting up, you both walk to the car.

draco has always been physical. it was definitely his love language. merlin knew that he spoke through touch way better than words. he almost always had some way of touching you. holding your hand, pulling your waist, guiding you around.

instead, it was like he refused to even glance in your direction, refusing to touch you. he didn’t even open your car door like he always did. although it stung, you understood where he was coming from.

i should have pushed him off of me. i should have told draco about cedric before. i shouldn’t have even let him kiss me. this is my fault.

finally after the long silent car ride he pulls up to your house. usually, this is the part where he would follow you in and spend the night or at least have a glass of wine. instead, he left the engine on, staring ahead.

“are... are you not coming in?” you say eyeing him. he holds both of his hands on the wheel, gripping it tightly.

“give me a minute.”

nodding, you let yourself out the car and make your way to the door. kicking off your shoes carelessly and making your way to the couch, plopping down with a huff.

a few minutes later, you hear the door open. undoubtedly draco tightying up your shoes neatly, letting his ocd get the best of him.

paying little to no attention to him and barely acknowledging his presence, you feel him enter the living room and sitting down on the couch next to you where you now lay with your head smushed in the pillow.

knowing he needs time to cool down, you put on some stupid show to ease the tension. after two glasses of wine and an episode of some random show you grow more and more impatient.

turning over to lay on your back and facing him, he finally makes eye contact with you. “so...” you say trying to break the ice.

“so...” he rubs a hand over his face in frustration

“so what are you like pissed at me? or cedric? or what?” you say trying to understand.

huffing and letting the hand from his face fall, “i’m not pissed at you.” although that is reassuring, the weird emphasis is putting more on edge.

sitting up next to him, “so what then?”

he scrunches up his fists and pulls at his hair. “fuck, y/n i don’t know. i’ve never disliked diggory so much more than tonight.” he says admittingly.

nodding, “i know, i know. that was so fucking shit of him. i don’t even know- i guess... i guess he’ll be pissed or something? cuz i haven’t really replying to his texts or calls since we reconnected. i kind of just ghosted him i guess.”

hoping this would help ease his anger, you look up at him hopefully. “but this isn’t about him, right? this is about us, right?” you say practically begging looking up at him.

he meets your gaze and hears your pleading voice. his eyes soften, “yeah... yeah.”

not giving you very much to work with in turn making you frustrated, you get up and go up the stairs. you weren’t sure whether you wanted him to follow you or not. on one hand you knew that draco always helped sooth you and ease the anxious feeling in your stomach. but now, you weren’t so sure he would be much help.

but if he didn’t follow you, what did that mean? is he just giving up on you just like that? after almost a year spent together down the drain over some stupid fight that you weren’t even sure what was happening?

plopping on the far side on the bed, you grab his pillow and shove it in your face. letting silent tears fall, making yourself feel like a fool.

not once, have you cried over some boy. it wasn’t until draco came into your life that you even felt a strong enough emotional connection to even think about being upset over a boy and a silly argument.

you were never the dating type. you never had a boyfriend. it’s not that you couldn’t get one- merlin knew you could if you wanted, but you never had the desire. it wasn’t like you didn’t want to its just that you had never met someone that gave you that satisfaction.

laying there with your back turned, you hear draco enter the room. he sits on the corner of the bed with neither of you able to see the other.

sighing, “y/n? fuck, im sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to upset you.” he said. he rubbed your ankle caressing your smooth skin, just wanting your touch.

sniffling, you wipe the remaining tears off your face. there were still dried streams which he would undoubtedly be able to see when you turned around.

“it’s not your fault. i know- i know it’s not your fault. i’m not mad at you. i’m not mad that he kissed you.” he continues. obviously having a hard time explaining what he was feeling, he tugs on your ankle in a pleading way. you both knew he was lying. he knew you knew he was lying. he didn’t need to see your face in order to know that.

“okay... so it’s not only because he kissed you.” he says admittingly. “it’s what he said as well. when it’s going to be over. like this isn’t expected to last. like he and probably everyone else is just expecting you to get up and leave. hell- i’m expecting you to leave. i worry about that every day. i know it’s not your fault. it’s just that you’ve never been the relationship girl before. i don’t want you to feel pressured or- or suffocated by this.”

you finally understood where he was coming from. he didn’t open up a lot. but you understood completely.

getting up and sitting next to him you grab his hand. “you can’t blame me for not being in a relationship before. you can’t put that insecurity on me. i wasn’t in a relationship before because it didn’t feel right. it was never right. but this-” you say tugging on his arm, “this feels right. you feel right.”

you move over and straddle his lap as he brings his hands to your hips pulling you even closer. “i know. you’re completely right. it’s not fair for you.” he grabs your neck and you feel the pad of his thumb smooth your cheek.

“i’ve never lied to you. i’m not going to start now. i want this.” you say grabbing his face, “i want this is bad.”

it felt natural when your lips came together, neither of you mentioning the saltiness from your previous tears. you were simply craving each other’s touch and needed one another. although it probably wouldn’t be the end of the conversation it was good for now. because right now all you needed was him and to be in his arms.

#draco fluff #draco imagine #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco x you #harry potter #draco angst

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bangtan-gal · 5 years

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Unseen

Hwang Hyujin x Fem!Reader gang!au powers!au Warnings: implied smut, swearing, attempted murder (kind of??), major angst i’m really sorry oops, dubious consent, excessive drinking, theres a lot of backstabbing in this, y/ns character is very questionable, dfhdohfdihfsh Word count: 10.3k once again im really sorry, this is kind of dark and sad and oopsies? And although I’m pretty sure people know this, I’m just going to put a disclaimer that this is not how I see any of these members. The characters created in this were just for the sake of the plotline. Thank you!

The hum of the bar sounded far away as you shifted the white powder into thin lines. Your friends crowded around you, swaying in excitement as they waited for you to finish your assault on the drugs. Once you did, you stepped back, allowing them to sniff it up like a bunch of dogs. Laughter and cheers broke out as someone finished first and you clapped along with them. Puppy dog stares were thrown your way as the coke completely disappeared and you pulled another bag out with a roll of your eyes.

A smirk pulled over your lips as another round of applause consumed the place. You stepped away, letting your friends decide how they distributed the drugs. With a sigh you slid into the booth, taking a sip from your water bottle. The feeling of a thousand eyes watching you made you feel itchy, but you forced yourself to remain cool as you kept your interest on your friends’ actions. That was the biggest problem of being your father’s daughter: the constant attention, the judging, the silent whispers when you passed by. As stupid as it sounded, these people viewed you as if you were a god of some sort. It made no sense considering that you had nothing to do with the business and you never would. You had zero interest in your father’s business, but it was just the fact that your father was so respected that had people watching every little thing you do.

And you knew what they said whenever they say you. ‘Is she really his daughter?’ ‘How could someone so smart have such a troublemaker as a child?’ ‘Does he know what she does when his back is turned?’ Your father did know what you did and whether he approved or not, he said nothing. It had been made clear ever since you were old enough to understand that the only thing you shared with your father was blood. As long as you smiled and looked pretty for the cameras, you were free to be as stupid as you wanted. And that’s exactly what you did.

“It must suck to be compared to him all the time.”

You pretended to be surprised as you craned your neck to meet the stranger’s gaze. You’d seen him staring you down earlier and had watched with a sly smirk as he approached as carefully as he could. He tilted his head, his sandy blonde hair—obviously dyed—shifting along his forehead. He reminded you of the pretty boys you always ran into at the gala, from the expensive, but casual dress to the cold, calculating stare that burned in his eyes as he observed you. But like every other time, you decided to bite the hook he threw your way to see what he was attempting to sell.

“A bit,” you hummed, turning away and sipping your water again. If he wanted to talk, he’d have to sit down in your eyesight. You weren’t going to give him the ego boost of turning to look up at him. You forced your smirk away as he sat down in the booth with you. “But it stopped affecting me a long time ago.”

He nodded, gaze flicking to where your friends argued over the splitting of the drugs.

“I suppose I can’t relate to that one,” he muttered, “my parents aren’t really the kind to live up to.”

Your gaze remained cool, but the comment took you by surprise. At this point, most of the boys would be trying to convince you that both of you were in the same boat: overbearing parents, hating the rich life, miserable with their lives. Your eyes unintentionally narrowed, wondering what kind of game he was going to play at.

Maybe he’s not playing a game.

You brushed aside that thought. Not once in your life had you been approached by someone who didn’t have an ulterior motive. Their belief was that someone like you could get them anything. It wasn’t exactly a lie, you probably could, but their main goal was your father and little did they know that your father would never give you anything. His number one rule was that you had to get everything on your own. He built his company from the ground up, now it’s your turn.

This boy just had a different strategy than the others.

“I doubt you rebel to gain your father’s attention. Actually, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with him, right? This is all for your own sake.”

This time, you failed to hide your surprise. Your lips parted as you side-eyed, setting your water bottle down. He wasn’t even paying attention to you, he was just staring at the people who kept glimpsing over in your direction. You looked over at them too, eyebrows furrowing until they looked away with a sheepish gulp. You turned back to the boy, eyebrows raised.

“Got any more assumptions you’d like to make about me?” You asked. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Well then, I suppose I should get out of your hair now,” he huffed, standing up. You watched as he sauntered away, back towards the bar. You bit your lip and then with a sigh, you stood up and hurried after him.

“Hey—look, I’m sorry about being cold, it’s not everyday a nice person approaches you in a club after you’ve just given your friends a bunch of coke. I’d like to talk a bit more…” you trailed off, uncertain of what exactly you were doing. You were never like this. “But let’s do that outside, yeah? It’s kind of loud in here.”

He grinned at you and then as corny as it was, offered you his arm. Your elbow linked with his, a sarcastic smile pulling at your lips as the two of you left the club. The cool night air was a relief as it brushed against your bare arms and you breathed it in. The crisp taste was a big step up from the disgusting smell of sweat, alcohol, and the bitter scent of drugs. The two of you walked down the sidewalk for a while, not saying anything to one another.

“You know, if we’re being honest here: I didn’t know who you were until just a few moments ago. The people I was sitting next to were talking crap about you, but it just seemed like they didn’t know you at all and I wondered how they could be so mean to someone they didn’t even know,” he muttered, “so that’s why I talked ot you. I supposed I… felt bad I guess.”

You tilted your head, a small smile pulling on your lips. Then you ducked your head, face starting to heat up.

“Well… thanks. I guess you’ll need a proper introduction then; I’m Y/N,” you murmured, shaking his hand.

“Hyunjin.”

The two of you kept walking. You didn’t realize it at first, but it seemed you were moving towards you apartment a few blocks away. Truth be told, you didn’t know what you were doing. This wasn’t exactly who you were: you didn’t just start making friends with outsiders, you stayed in your tight friend circle, using it as a protective shield. But you couldn’t deny that you were willing to let this guy take you to bed, for whatever reason.

“Why do you let them treat you that way?” He asked. “The people that judge you. You’re not so bad, why let people believe that?” You stopped walking, staring at the ground in front of you. There were a few people who could see past your front of not caring, but they never asked you if you were okay truly on the inside. They never asked why. Although, you never asked yourself ‘why’ either and you weren’t sure you had an answer.

“Why?” You repeated, looking up at him. Then you shrugged. “I wish”—you coughed—“I wish I knew why.”

Something flashed across his face, but it was too fast for you to be able to read it. He tucked his hands into his pockets, a melancholy smile on his face.

“So, did you have any plans of dragging me out here or we just going to walk until we run into a wall?” He asked, successfully taking your mind off of your inner struggles. Then you shrugged, brushing against him.

“Well, my apartment is right around the corner, I’m sure we could talk more there.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

You lead him back to your apartment, swiftly unlocking the door and stepping into the place. You were glad you had decided to clean your place on a whim. When you turned around to ask if he wanted anything to drink, you found him directly behind you. His lips crashed against yours and you gasped into the kiss, your hands clutching at the front of his jacket. He pulled back, dark eyes searching your face.

“I hope this is what you meant when you said talk more,” he mumbled, laughing slightly. You chuckled, wrapping your legs around his waist when he hoisted you up.

➻➻➻➻➻

Your phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. A loud groan fell from your lips as you rolled over, sleepily searching for it on the nightstand. Your fingers gripped it and you opened it, eyes blearily squinting at it. There were a bunch of texts from your friends, asking where you were. There were two texts from your mom, wishing you goodnight and you smiled at that.

You shut off your phone and set it down, but when you tried to shut your eyes, they kept fluttering open from the light peeking past your curtains. And it didn’t help that it was freezing cold. Your arm flopped across the bed as you tried to grab your blankets, only to realize somebody else was completely burrito-ed in them. With a gasp, you sat up, pressing a hand to your head.

“Ah, fuck,” you huffed. You didn’t even drink last night, but you must’ve been so tired because your memories were struggling to sort themselves out. He approached you, you shooed him away, but then decided against it and now he’s in your bed… stealing your blankets and completely naked. “Wow.”

You stared at him for a few seconds before deciding to just let him sleep and then you’d carefully nudge him out the door once he woke up. You pulled a sweatshirt and shorts on, stumbling on sore legs to the kitchen. It was embarrassing; your legs were all wobbly and there was a trail of clothing leading out of your bedroom. In silence, you made yourself cereal and sat down on the floor, spooning it half-mindedly into your mouth. Due to your lack of trust for people, you weren’t much of a ‘one-nightstand girl,’ but you decided to break it just because of some pretty, poetic-sounding boy? A boy with a suspicious purple, gradient tattoo of a tiger.

“Do you always sit on the floor when you’re eating?”

Milk sloshed everywhere as your spoon accidentally dropped into the bowl. You glanced up mid-chew, staring at the boy. He was on the other side of the island, so all you saw was his bare upper-half; and it made you wonder if he had any pants on. His hair was a mess and his under eyes were puffy.

“I didn’t have the energy to walk back to the table,” you commented. Your body shook as you stood up and the clang of you placing the bowl on the counter rang through the kitchen.

Thankfully, he had pants on.

He shifted nervously, his gaze studying the clean, white interior.

“I-I should probably leave,” he stuttered. You nodded slowly, watching as he looked around for his shirt.

“So was all that smooth talking last night just to get into my pants so you could go back to your buddies and brag about it?” You queried. He froze, staring at you. You crossed your arms.

“No, I—”

“That tattoo, that’s a gang symbol right? The big one that resides in the Deep City? Go you, you can go back and laugh about how stupid I must be to sleep with some guy after knowing him for ten minutes!”

He take a deep breath, eyes closing for a moment.

“I was supposed to kill you Y/N.”

For a split second, it felt like you couldn’t hear anything. Your ears started ringing and your heart just stopped. He had a million chances last night: you didn’t exactly keep a physical or mental guard up around him last night. You fell asleep in the same bed as him. Yet, you were still alive. Your mouth went dry.

“Th-then why didn’t you?” You whispered, eyes wide as you stared at nothing in particular. You couldn’t find it in you to look at him.

“Because the reasoning behind it was stupid, especially considering just how… how human you are,” he explained, “I guess it’s just the people I live around and the one’s I’ve interacted with always seem so inhumane that I forgot there’s people out there who aren’t stepping on anybody that gets in their way.”

You could’ve died last night.

Hyunjin approached you slowly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“You were my mission and I couldn’t finish it,” he said, his hand slowly sliding down your arm and then letting it go. “But I fear that I may have put you in more danger than if I just killed you.”

You looked up quickly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He laughed, but it was high-pitched and shaky.

“Chan is going to be pissed, that’s what it means. The point of killing you was sending a point to your father, but with nothing happening, he’ll continue to just go through with what he was doing.”

You watched as Hyunjin started pacing, his brow creasing and lips turning down. You were glad that you were still alive, but part of you was really starting to feel bad for him. Maybe it’d be better if he did kill you. This Chan guy must be fucking terrifying.

“What exactly is it that my father is doing?” You asked slowly in a low voice.

“Your father has been getting in contact with gangs throughout District 9 and has been gradually cutting off the lower class from the trading cites. His business has become as successful as it has today because we gave him his start-up sum and we agreed to back him up as long as he followed the rules we set. Unfortunately by doing what he’s doing he’s broken those rules and we decided to send him a warning, which h—”

He was cut off by the obnoxious ringing of a phone. Hyunjin stiffened, pulling his cell from his pocket and staring at the device. Teeth dug into his bottom lip as he looked up at you.

“Look Y/N, you should be dead. As far as my gang knows, you are dead, got it? I need you to stay low and not attract attention to yourself until I can think up some solution. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.” And with that, Hyunjin answered the phone, muttered a ‘Hi Chan!’ and then raced out of your apartment. You watched him leave, heart hammering. But the fast pace of your heart wasn’t from fear—a smile was pulling over your lips as you remembered all the crap your father used to spew about building from the ground up. All these years you’d been forced to believe your father was some kind of god, but he was just as human as everyone else: a human who had gotten himself in quite a mess.

You gave yourself an hour to get ready before you slid into your car and raced towards your father’s work. Around this time he’d probably be enjoying a salad in his office, reading through the newspaper, and probably muttering to himself about what he would be doing if he wasn’t stuck in his office. Your palms grew sweaty as you pulled into a staff parking spot and made your way into the building, waving at the receptionist as you passed by to the elevator. You stared back at yourself in the doors as they closed, thinking through what you’re going to say.

Your chin stayed high as you marched down the hallway towards your father’s office. The door was cracked open and as you peeked in, you were slightly pleased to see that you were right. You swung the door open, letting it loudly bang against the door stopper before you fully stepped into the large space. He looked up, both eyebrows raised as you strutted towards the desk, plopping yourself down in the seat. Your father chewed his salad slowly, fork hanging halfway between his mouth and the container. He set down the fork and swallowed, wiping his mouth.

“What brings you here Y/N? I thought you’d still be bed around this time, nursing a hang over,” he grumbled. You scoffed, crossing your arms and leaning back in the seat.

“Don’t act like you know me so well; ‘cause if you did, you’d know I don’t drink,” you muttered, “and I came here to talk about business. I mean, why would I visit you in the dainty little work place if it wasn’t to talk about something work-related?”

Your father looked more disappointed than the time you came in to tell him you crashed your new car. He didn’t prompt you as to what you came to talk about, instead he went back to eating his stupid leaves. A grinding noise filled your head as you pressed your teeth together and out of defiance, you threw your legs onto the desk. He didn’t even flinch.

“I heard you’ve been talking to some gangs—what are you planning? Going to start some trouble?” You snapped. That caught your father’s attention, although you had to have a trained eye to notice it. He only paused his chewing for a second, one of his eyebrows ticking upwards slightly and his nostrils flaring. You bit your lip to hold back a smirk. “Are you trying to use them to get out of whatever agreement you’re stuck in? Maybe try to get info out of them?”

You paused, tilting your head, but your father refused to grace you with a reply.

“I think it’s funny that you’re doing that, considering how you made an agreement with that one gang—Miroh—isn’t it? They’re the ones who invested in your company and they can probably topple everything you’ve created with just a bat of an eyelash, but you still have the guts to go against them? Sometimes I really have to wonder if we’re actually related,” you hummed, looking down at your nails.

“How do you know all of this?” His voice was dry as he asked the question. You looked up, feigning surprise.

“Oh so now you want to talk?”

“Y/N, tell me how you know all this? Who told you all this?” He snarled, tossing your feet off the desk. You refused to let yourself flinch, keeping your gaze cool as you stared him down. You leaned forward, elbows resting on your knees.

“Do you really want to know, father? Do you want to know how they were planning to kill me in order to get to you? And how I so willingly let one into my apartment; and not just my apartment, but my bed and well, m—”

He cut you off by pounding on his desk. “You’re lying—if they wanted you dead, you’d never see the light of day.”

“You don’t seem too upset by the idea of me getting slaughtered by one of your friends.”

You couldn’t help but smile, seeing just how ticked off your father was. It may have been childish, but getting under his skin was one of the few things that brought joy to you.

“It’s true, but the one he sent wimped out for whatever reason. Told me to ‘lay low’ as to not attract Chan’s attention. He also told me about what you’ve been doing: so is it true? Are you drabbling with other gangs? What are you getting into; drugs, sex-trafficking, using them to kill people who get in your way? What about cutting off those who can’t pay for the luxuries you bring to this district? Why would you do that? You’ve always hosted a fair business so that everyone would have a chance to get up on their feet and survive; why decide to stop helping those in need now?” You kept firing the questions, watching as his eyes got darker and darker. He took a deep breath, eyes closing for a millisecond, before he opened them again to stare you down.

“At the end of the day, Y/N, this is my business and it’s my decision what I do with it. I don’t understand why you care so sud—”

“Because I’m not going to be killed because someone wants to soil your name. I don’t even owe you that much.”

Silence followed after that. It was a truly amazing sight. You had never seen your father look so stumped by something you’d said before. He’d always kept the same, blank, uncaring face on whenever you would talk. But now he sat in front of you, mouth hanging slightly open. You had more to say—a lot more actually—but feeling like you just had the last word was a pretty good feeling; so you stood up, gave your father a tight-lipped smile, and then left the office.

➻➻➻➻➻

A week later and you found yourself stuck in your parent’s home, eating a pint of ice cream all by yourself. You had been arrogant to believe you’d make your father stop was whatever he was doing with the half-assed speech you gave him. He continued with whatever business he had with a few of the gangs throughout District 9 and to keep you safe from Miroh, he demanded you come home and hide behind the tall walls and many bodyguards of this place.

“You know your father doesn’t like you eating in the living room, Miss Y/N,” Hattie, the butler, murmured as he stepped into the room. You took another large spoonful of the ice cream.

“Yeah? Well tell him I don’t like my life being threatened because of his dumbass actions.”

You didn’t even like vanilla ice cream, but it was the only sweet thing you could find in the hellhole.

Hattie cleared his throat, “well, you are expected to be ready by six tonight for your father’s banquet. This isn’t something you can ditch.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he tutted at you and motioned you upstairs. With a loud groan, you stood up and dragged yourself upstairs to take a shower. Nearly an hour later, you stepped out and made your way to your room. A long dress was draped across your bed, a sticky note attached to the top. It was a note from your mom, saying you looked good in black with a little smiley face. No matter how much you hated your father’s little events, you couldn’t go against your mother’s wishes. Making her happy was one thing you could properly commit yourself to.

You took your time getting ready, not bothering to pay attention to the time. The dress highlighted your body where you needed it and the black silk did look good on you. You curled your hair at the ends and kept the makeup application light. You stared yourself down in the mirror for a few seconds, wondering how tonight would go. There would be cameras and interviews and all you had to do the whole time was keep a smile on your face and pretend like you were your father’s number one supporter. You turned as the door opened and sighed when Hattie stepped in.

“Your car is waiting,” he murmured. You grumbled a thanks and grabbed a pair of white heels and followed him downstairs to the car. Neither of your parents were there, instead there were three bodyguards seated in the car. Your expression fell as you slid into the passenger’s seat, eyeing the bulky trio in the back.

“You guys are going to look terrible in pictures,” you grumbled.

The ride there was painfully tense and quiet. The chauffer wished you luck as he dropped you off and you thanked him for the ride before walking into the hall. It was already almost full, businessmen and women conversing and milling through the place. You wandered through, eyes searching the place desperately for your parents. You spotted your mother quickly and hurried towards her. She smiled at you, offering you the second flute of champagne that she held.

“Well it seems I was right, you look stunning in that dress,” she murmured, smiling at you over the glass, “of course, you always look beautiful.”

“Thanks, m—”

“Obviously you got it from me!” She flipped her hair. Then she patted you on the shoulder and slid away, smiling and welcoming the guests. You stood there, clutching the flute in your hands, watching as people moved around you. You faltered as your gaze settled on a tall and lean figure dressed in all white, with an oddly familiar mop of blonde hair. As if sensing your stare, the boy turned around, eyes widening when he saw you there. At first, you thought it was surprise, but instead, horror was painted across his face. As quickly as he could he pushed through the throng towards you.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, sounding breathless once he was in front of you. You snorted.

“This is my father’s banquet, did you just expect me to stay at home with a bowl of cereal?” You snapped. Hyunjin glanced around, his hand wrapping around your bicep.

“Ok I get that, but the problem is that you’re supposed to be lying low,” he hissed. You frowned, eyeing the sea of people, starting to question what or who Hyunjin was scared of. Then you paused, breath hitching slightly.

“What are you doing here? Where're your friends?” You whispered, unconsciously pressing closer to him. “Please don’t tell me—”

His expression said it all. You cursed under your breath, worrying where your mother was.

“Chan… still believes you’re dead,” he muttered, “but since your father hasn’t changed at all… he decided to take matters into his own hands.”

“And what exactly does that entail?” You asked. It was then that you realized Hyunjin was slowly starting to usher you through the crowd, pushing you towards the doors. “Hey, wa—” “Hyunjin!”

The boy stiffened and you did too, head jerking up as two boys dressed in similar suits appeared. One had light brown hair while the other had black. The brown-haired one’s gaze shifted from Hyunjin to you and from just the stare, you felt dead. Part of you wished Hyunjin had killed you because the look of pure, uncontrolled rage really had you fighting the urge to pee. His gaze shifted back to the blonde.

“Why is she still alive?”

Hyunjin awkwardly laughed, “uhhh… surprise?”

Both of their expressions showed that they were definitely not impressed by this surprise.

“That’s why nothing changed, dammit,” the black-haired one huffed, silver eyes flashing as he looked towards you. You looked down, not liking the energy either boys were giving off. Was this your execution? If it was you hoped it was quick and you prayed they didn’t chop your head off. You wanted to be buried as one piece—rest in peace, not pieces.

“Chan, come on, I know we’ve done some really radical things in the past, but… she’s an innocent human. Why should we be dragging her into this?” Hyunjin pleaded.

“Yeah!” You piped up, “my dad doesn’t even like me… he’d probably just continue anyway…”

You trailed off, lips pursing as the one you assumed was Chan stared you down.

“Is everything okay over here?” One of your bodyguards walked over, expression calm as he surveyed the three. This was just getting better. Chan eyed the bodyguard, then looked around at the people around you. Some had started to watch. He cleared his throat.

“I apologize for the mess.”

The bodyguard frowned. But before you could stay around to figure out what he was planning, Hyunjin grabbed your hand and dragged you out behind him. He carelessly shoved people out his way and burst through the doors. You sprinted behind him, just barely managing to keep up with your high heels on.

Then you just stopped running. You tried to keep going, but your body was no longer listening to you. Hyunjin turned around, face paling once he saw your face. Exhaustion started to pour into you and keeping your eyes open became a chore. Hyunjin cursed and started physically dragging you. You proved to be much heavier than he anticipated.

“Minho, come on, get the fuck out of her! You and I both know this is completely wrong,” he growled, pulling on your arms.

“Chan ordered it Hyunjin, it’s pretty simple,” your mouth moved, but the voice that came out of you was different. It was deeper and more husky. “Now not only will she die, but I fear that you won’t see another day.”

“And what will killing her do?” He snapped back, pulling more desperately on you, “her father has no regard for her. He’d grieve for maybe a day, but then go back to what he was doing.”

“You and I both know that her death is more for political reasons than anything else.”

You didn’t like talking about your death as if this wasn’t your body.

The blonde paused and then met your stare.

“You recover pretty fast from any damage your host takes, right? But I doubt you do from any damage your actual body does.”

You wish you knew what the living fuck was going on. Hyunjin disappeared before your eyes and without your consent, your body turned around, gaze searching the area. And then you gasped and there was a sharp pain in your head. You slumped onto your knees, pressing your fingers to your temple. It felt like you had just come up for air after being underwater for a long time. Hyunjin appeared again and he scooped you up with ease, sprinting away.

➻➻➻➻➻

“Why can’t I go back to my apartment or my father’s?” You huffed, curling tighter into the blanket as Hyunjin paced the room. He frowned at you.

“Because those are the first two places they’d look,” he grumbled.

You rolled your eyes.

“You know, I find it funny that you suddenly have decided to hide with me and ‘protect me’ once your life has also been threatened,” you griped. He stopped pacing, turning to you with a furrow of his eyebrows. His eyes glimmered and then he snorted, soft laughs following the noise.

“‘Once my life has also been threatened’? My life was threatened the second I decided to keep your ass alive so don’t pull that shit on me. I was keeping you safe by not interacting with you anymore. How would I explain to Chan why I would be missing for a few hours every day? It’s not like I can just flat out tell him that I’m visiting the chick I was supposed to kill!” He snapped. He shook his head, pinching the bridge out his nose. “God, if I knew you would such a fucking nuisance, I would’ve snapped your neck without batting an eye.” You opened your mouth, but closed it, deciding not to poke at him any longer. You didn’t know what or who exactly he was, but the energy that vibrated off him let you know that you weren’t just playing with fire. Hyunjin’s pacing started up again and you let out a sigh, burying yourself deeper into the blanket. He hadn’t explained where you were, just saying that it would be a safe place until Chan found a different solution. According to Hyunjin, Chan was not one to waste time and was probably already had another plan of action. He said that they might try looking for you for a while, but eventually they’d lose interest and would stop.

The place you were staying at was pretty simple. Almost everything was white: the walls, the floor, the counters, the couch, and anything that wasn’t white was a light gray. The simplicity was enough to drive you insane. The lack of excitement in the place made you feel trapped, despite it being said that white makes things seem bigger. You wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.

And the only way to do that was by working willingly with Hyunjin.

“Okay, but let’s say that Chan still demands both of our heads after he’s come up with another solution… is there a way to talk him down?” You asked, “or maybe there’s a way to get out of here soon and convince him to do something else?” Hyunjin shrugged, slouching down into the armchair. “Unfortunately, Chan’s really stubborn, even when he knows it’s not necessary. He might not try to kill you once this whole thing has blown over… but I doubt I’ll be as lucky.”

You didn’t want to feel any compassion for him—he tried to kill you just a week ago and probably could’ve cut you just seconds ago—but somehow this whole time, you’d missed just how much he was risking. He was still young now and the gang had risen up five years ago—he’d grown up with those boys and now he was losing that family… for you. He was losing his life for a complete stranger. He didn’t deserve any of it.

“W-what’s your exact plan then?”

“Make sure you’re safe and then I suppose I’ll leave and find somewhere else to live,” he muttered, shrugging. You shook your head.

“You can’t just go alone—”

“Y/N, I truly do appreciate your concern, but you should be worrying for yourself. With you no longer being an option, Chan will come up with other ideas… that won’t hurt you, but I fear they’ll do something much worse... “ he trailed off, glancing at the clock on the wall. He cleared his throat. “It’s getting late, we should probably get to bed and we’ll talk more in the morning.”

You wanted to talk more, there was so many more questions that you had, but the exhaustion in his face stopped you. The two of you bid each other goodnight and then you walked to your room, carefully shutting the door behind you. You laid in bed silently for a while, trying and failing to fall asleep. You were wide awake, worry worming its way through your stomach. There was no way you were going to get any shut eye tonight. You sat up, clicking on the lamp beside your bed and then jumped.

“What the living fu—”

The light-brown haired man from before stood at the end of your bed—the own you assumed was Chan.

“I’m not actually here in case you were wondering how I got in here,” he stated, “I’m actually just a hallucination your mind is creating instead of talking to a different voice inside your head. A member of mine has telepathy, if you’re curious.”

Your mouth opened and closed, but you found you had no words. Chan studied the place and then let out a sigh.

“It’s unfortunate you don’t know where you are or else we could hunt you down and get this over with.”

You blinked, trying to find something to say.

“Why are you here?” You squeaked out.

He let out another audible sigh.

“Y/N, I’m not a cruel man. Are my actions always right? No. I’ve always taken it upon myself to make sure that everyone here lives a fairly safe life and mostly behave under a stronger power. You were probably a young teen around the time that the JYP district cut us off and let us fall into a brutal world full of crime and poverty, so you probably remember that, right? I started Miroh because people should never live the way we lived and my goal was to create a power to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves.

“Your mother’s business idea offered a solution that we desperately needed. JYP cut us off because the docks were never safe, but by one simple form of transportation, they would happily start offering us goods again. So we offered them money. Now your parents are taking the money and power they have and using it so that gangs can help them rid of people that they no longer want to feed or help. I apologize that my first idea was to kill you and yes, I heard what you said earlier, but it seems you don’t know the truth about the business,” he stated. His head tilted, eyes glinting. “It is true, Y/N, that if your father was head of the company, killing you wouldn’t do a single thing. But, since it’s your mother who sits back and pulls every string and is the reason for every action that has happened in the company, your death would have worked to our advantage. Your mother was the… ‘all powerful mastermind’ while your father was just the face of the company. She was the one giving commands while pretending to be the perfect trophy wife and mother.”

“You’re lying,” you breathed out. Chan snorted. As the two of you stared at one another, you saw something that was more than a hungry predator. It was a strategist, a puppet master, that wouldn’t stop at anything to get what he wanted. It didn’t matter if that was true or not, because he already had you in his clutches.

“Y/N, I’m here to make a deal and since I think you’re more like both your mother and your father than you think… I have a feeling you’ll accept it.”

You snorted, “you wish.”

He raised an eyebrow, a smirk forming on his lips.

“I don’t wish on shooting stars Y/N, that’s too risky for me.”

➻➻➻➻➻

Several days passed in that apartment, just you and Hyunjin spending every single hour of the day together. The air between you two was tense, with Hyunjin becoming more stressed every day. You found him planning what he was going to do after this whole thing blew over and reading over his terribly made notes, you felt really bad for what you’d gotten him into. He didn’t seem to have much idea of what to do, except that he had to leave District 9 and just start over somewhere else. It didn’t matter how many times you asked him if he was okay; he just continued to claim that it was time for him to grow up and move on.

“So… you’re really going to go?” You asked, sitting down across from him. He glanced up from the stack of papers in front of him and shrugged.

“Well, it’s either that or possible death,” he huffed. There was a joking lilt to his tone, but it wasn’t a good enough cover up.

“Alone?” He searched your face.

“I mean… yeah. The only person I could really bring along with me is… you and I wouldn’t do that to you if it means you could live happily and safely here,” he explained, looking back down at his papers. “Plus, I doubt you’d want to come anyways.”

“I’ve complained a lot Hyunjin, but I do enjoy your company. You have a big heart and we’re all human, right? No one deserves to be alone.”

He laughed, but gave no response. Hyunjin continued to flip through the papers, writing down notes and pausing every now and then to mumble stuff under his breath. You leaned across the table, straining to see what he was looking at.

Papers and maps of the other districts stared back at you. JYP was crossed out with big black letters spelling out “not an option.” SM district had question marks on it, YG had possibility written on it, and district V was also crossed out.

“Why isn’t JYP an option?” You understand V—it was right next to 9 and wasn’t walled in and overly protected. Chan could storm in there anytime and easily find him.

“Chan has connections in JYP—one of our members used to live there,” he sighed, “and honestly, I’m still not comfortable with how close it is. At least there’s a whole district between here and the other capitols.” You nodded, although truth be told you didn’t know much about the other districts besides 9 and JYP. You had never been educated on the places beyond the border and had been raised to believe that this district was the best possible place for you to live. Even now you didn’t know much: you didn’t know how big the overall place was, how far away the other districts were, and if they were “known” for certain things. Hyunjin seemed to realize this quickly.

“We were both part of the generation that was raised to believe that leaving this district would do nothing for us,” he said, a melancholic and nostalgic tone taking over his voice. He seemed to zone out for a while and you wondered what he was remembering. It must’ve been childhood memories from elementary and middle school: during the time they’d been very adamant about that statement. “I guess the only difference between us was that you had to continue through highschool and I dropped out and learned from those around me.”

You nodded and stared at him, wondering if the two of you had ever been in the same school together.

“You know that teaching wasn’t what the District 9 government wanted. JYP enforced that upon us: they were desperate to keep us in so that nobody would have any idea of leaving to go there. They were worried about over population or being overrun by ‘lesser, untrained beings.’ They were trying to brainwash us.”

“Is that another reason why JYP isn’t an option?”

Hyunjin shrugged and continued writing down notes on the paper. You watched him, fidgeting in your seat. What would happen after all of this is over? Would you actually be safe or would you have to go with Hyunjin? “You know, I wasn’t lying when I said I’d go with you,” you stated. He didn’t look up, but you still saw the way his lips rose. You got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. Neither option felt safer: staying here and hoping for the best or following Hyunjin into an unknown plan. He was smart and seemed to know what he was doing, but you also had to take into consideration your other options.

“Y/N, I’m grateful for you offer.”

You blinked, surfacing from your thoughts. Hyunjin reached over you, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet. Your body shivered as he brushed against you and the smell of a light cologne infiltrated your senses.

“The only problem is that I’ve vowed to keep you safe and I’m not even sure if I’ll be safe beyond here,” he whispered. He didn’t move from his position—his arm rested on the counter beside you, glass in hand, chest just inches away from your back. You were total strangers and yet he cared more about your well being than both of your parents ever had.

“You didn’t even know me,” you murmured back.

His other hand fell on your lower waist.

“You don’t have to know someone to know they don’t deserve to die because of their family’s actions…” he trailed off and you felt him lean closer. His warmth seeped into you. “Plus, I have to admit, I was pretty stunned by how beautiful you looked that night.”

You laughed, trying to brush it off as corny, but your body gave you away as your cheeks started to burn.

“Really?” You mused, “are you talking about in the bar or when you had me pinned beneath you on my bed?”

Hyunjin chuckled, his chin resting on your shoulder and arms completely wrapping around your body. You turned your head slightly, meeting his dark stare. His fingers were soft as they reached up to brush across your jawline and gripped your chin. His lips hit yours and he carefully pushed against you. It was a completely different feeling from the last time, he was less persistent. It was sweet and delicate and had you feeling like you were waltzing through the sky. He pulled back, eyeing you through half-closed eyelids. A dopey grin covered his face.

“Honestly, I’ve been waiting to do that again.”

You paused and stared at him for a few seconds.

“You risked your life for me, despite me being a complete stranger,” you said softly. Hyunjin’s face changed, his lips starting to fall. “And you continue to do it… and we don’t even know each other.”

You turned around to fully face him.

“At least let me get to know you a bit so I’ll feel less guilty about everything you’re losing for me.”

A silent agreement passed between the two of you and you walked into the living room, both of you sitting down on the couch, facing one another. Hyunjin took a deep breath and then relaxed. He tilted his head, a lopsided smile taking over his face.

“Why did you join Miroh?”

He sighed, “going right in aren’t we”—he licked his lips—“I wanted a family. A real one. And when I met Chan I was offered the chance to live a life with other boys my age and grow in a close knit circle. I had friends that I could rely on for everything.”

Your lips pursed and you looked down at your lap. “And you gave that up for the sake of my life.”

“Y/N… I’ve killed innocent people before and I’ve always hated it. I guess you… were more like my chance to escape. To prove to myself that I wasn’t a completely horrible person,” he murmured. You nodded, trying and wishing you could understand the situation he was in. But despite growing up under similar conditions and probably only metres away from one another, the two of you had two completely lives. It was something you could probably never completely fathom.

“What’s your favorite color?” You asked, going light.

Hyunjin grinned. “You really like asking hard questions, don’t you? I like black and white.”

“I said the singular form,” you huffed. He shrugged and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“Would you actually come with me if I asked?” You faltered and looked away from his stare. You studied the curtains behind him and pursed your lips. You had offered to go with him, but the question was if you could. Could you leave behind this life you’d grown accustomed to? Did you technically owe it to him because this was happening because he saved your life? There wasn’t much here for you: you parents would never give you the company, you didn’t have any “real” friends, and sometimes you felt lost here. But what was to say somewhere else would be anything different? Although…

Although maybe being with someone who truly cared for you would help. Help you feel like you belong, like you have somewhere to call home.

“I-I think it would be hard… but I think if you asked and really meant it, I would,” you whispered in reply. Hyunjin nodded and paused for a moment.

“I don’t want to be alone Y/N and I want you to come, but I’m not going to ask you to,” he stated, “I have a feeling that taking you away would do more damage.”

You didn’t want to dwell on that; you didn’t want to get caught up in some fantasy in your head and then get your heart broken.

“Where are we?” “I can’t tell you, it could risk Chan finding us.”

“Right. Sorry,” you mumbled.

“No need to apologize,” he sighed and then glanced at the clock, “I’m going to head to the store, okay? Stay put.”

He got up and you let him leave. You had learned quickly that Hyunjin had a way of locking the door on the outside and there was no way to leave while he was gone. You let your eyes shut as you fell back against the couch, wondering what you were supposed to do.

“Couldn’t have tried any harder than that?” You jumped, eyes flying open. Chan stood across from you, arms crossed. You opened your mouth, ready to point out that it wasn’t like you could pry the answer straight out of his head.

“I have to say, I’m slightly concerned right now. It’s really hard to tell if you’ll continue with our agreement or if you’re going to fall for him and his carefully worded poems,” he snipped. He looked around, examining the place. “Y/N, I can tell that you’re starting to like him—actually, you already like him, but your feelings are quickly growing stronger. And I know that right now, you’re not happy with your parents lies, but you and I both know that going with my idea is a much better thought than following Hyunjin into the unknown.”

“You don’t have faith in him? He grew up with you, didn’t he? He must have inherited some of your wit and intelligence or whatever,” you snuffed, “he seems to have a good idea of what he’ll do.”

“What he’ll do without you. You going along changes plans. He’ll have to decide what is better: your safety or his life. I’ve been surprised how dedicated he’s been to you up to this point, but how do you that someday he isn’t going to wake up and realize that all this shit he’s doing for you isn’t worth it? He might just ditch you in some district you’re unfamiliar with and leave you to fend for yourself.”

You grit your teeth. “I don’t believe Hyunjin would do that.” “The only thing you know about that boy is his age, his favorite color, the taste of his lips, and how he feels inside you,” Chan hissed as he walked towards you. He crouched down in front of you. “Hyunjin was trained to survive and you aren’t weak Y/N, but he’ll realize quickly that his best chance of survival will be without you. Trust me. All of my boys have been trained to even ditch one another if it means they’ll see another sunrise.”

You blinked, leaning away from him even though he couldn’t hurt you. Your heart was starting to race. You didn’t like the position you were in.

“I’ve been inside your mind Y/N, I’ve seen your deepest desires and darkest secrets. I know you wish to belong somewhere, to feel like you have purpose in something. With this deal, I’m giving you that chance. So are you going to take it or risk everything you’ve ever known on a boy that has a million secrets that he’ll never tell?”

“I—” you cut yourself off as you heard the door click. You didn’t realize how much time had passed. “I’ll get the information you need to you by tomorrow.”

Morning came too fast. Your head was pounding as you sat up in bed. You groaned, but despite how much pressure was in your head and how sore your body was, you had to get this over with. . You left the room and made your way into the kitchen, staring at the empty wine-glasses and two wine bottles on the table. Of all the things you’d done in your life, you’d never felt this dirty.

“One of my parents' apartments in Glow Town.”

“I can’t believe I did this just for that,” you whispered to yourself. You pulled your sweatshirt tighter around yourself, you were really fighting the urge to throw up. As you looked up, a boy appeared in front of you. The same one from that night—Minho you believed.

“Well,” he hummed, “let’s go.”

He held out a hand and you didn’t ask a single question and just took it. Your stomach folded in on itself as you disappeared. You jumped into a new place—a fancy office. You turned around as you inspected the place and stared at Chan. He sat at the desk, spinning a pen in his hand, dark eyes concentrated on you. Sympathy burned in them.

“Y/N I kn—”

“Can I please go shower?” You asked, your voice raspy. “I-I don’t feel the best and I think a shower would help.”

Chan frowned and glanced at Minho. Then he nodded. Minho lead you out of the office, being careful to not touch you. The place was nice: simple just like the other apartment, but it had more elegant touches. You noticed a few other boys as you passed through the halls, but none of them said anything.

“Everything that you need is in there.” He opened a door and you mumbled a ‘thank you’ before stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You wasted no time turning on the shower and letting the steam fill up the bathroom. You stepped in and then slid onto the tile bottom, bringing your knees up to your chest. Your teeth dug into your lip and you pinched your eyes shut.

Your cries were soft as you buried your face into your knees, body melting. It didn’t feel right to be sitting there, knowing you were safe while Hyunjin’s life was on the line. You gasped, covering your mouth and wished that you hadn’t taken the deal. You should’ve let Hyunjin leave safely. Your parents had lied to you your whole life and although your mother understood you, she barely took the time to talk to you and hangout with you. Would it have hurt that much to let them die? Hyunjin had only cared for you in the short time that you knew him. The least you owed him was a chance at freedom, but you took that away too.

“I fucked up, I’m so sorry,” you mumbled to the air. You felt disgusting. You scrubbed your whole body down, not stopping until every inch of you was bright red. There was nothing you could do to get rid of what you did. It would hang onto you for the rest of you life.

There was a knock on the door and someone told you to hurry up. So you gave yourself another minute to calm down and then stepped out of the shower. There was a stack of cleanly folded clothes on the counter and you quickly put them on. You brushed through your hair with your fingers and then stared at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy and parts of your arms were still red from your vicious scrub down. Dark circles sat under your eyes and there were teeth marks in your lip from where you angrily chewed on them. Then you bent down and searched through your jacket, finding the necklace you’d taken from Hyunjin. You stared at it and then tucked it in your pocket.

You opened the door and found Minho waiting for you. He didn’t make any comment on the fact you’d been obviously crying. He led you back to Chan’s office, but this time he let you go in alone. You did and stood nervously in front of the table.

“Please sit.” “What are you going to do to him?” You rushed out. Chan tilted his head.

“What do you think? I’ve already sent a team out to get him,” he hummed. You swallowed and played with the end of your shirt.

“You’re really going to kill him?”

“He went against my orders and betrayed the gang, he deserves much worse. I’m showing him mercy by doing that,” he said.

“But that’s really being thrown on my shoulders,” you deadpanned. Your hands curled into fists. This wasn’t what you wanted. You couldn’t take this.

“Y/N. you suspected what would happen, but you still gave me a location. We all have to deal with backlash throughout our lives. What you did was for the best.” He said it like it was so simple: as if someone wasn’t going to die. “Now, I put you in charge of your parent’s company. You don’t think it, especially now, but you’re a good person Y/N. You’re the perfect person to run this type of company—you want to help those in need, I saw that inside you. You just have to move on and not let this drag you down. I don’t want a repeat of this situation in the future.”

You slowly sat down in the chair, hands gripping the armrests.

“Your parents already understand the situation. They know what happens if they resist. You’ll be announced as the new CEO in two days and in those days I expect you to go home and rest. Try to sort this out and not be such a mess that day.” He looked up at you and sighed. You probably looked like a charity case. “I don’t want you all teary-eyed up on stage. That won’t work in your favor at all. You need the general public to love you.”

“Yeah,” you huffed, “I understand.”

“Now,” he said, clapping his hands together and standing up. “I have a driver downstairs for you, so let’s get you going.”

Chan escorted you downstairs. The millions of stairs made for an awkwardly long walk. Neither one of you said a word, the only sound being your footsteps echoing loudly in the staircase. You stepped outside and you shielded your eyes from the sunlight. You were about to duck into the car when you were distracted by a commotion. A group of boys were getting out of a car. Chan tried to push you into the car, but you resisted, watching in confusion. Then you recognized Hyunjin, struggling against two of the boys. Your mouth fell open and you didn’t realize that you shouted. You stepped away from the car, watching as the three boys starting moving him towards the building entrance. Hyunjin glanced around and met your stare. For a second, you saw this look of relief in his eyes and something warm, but in a flash in disappeared. There was the startled look of realization and then the hurt and anger that followed.

“Screw you!” He snapped. You stepped back as he momentarily escaped his hold, lunging for both you and Chan. He spit on the ground, his eyes darting between the two of you. But his gaze still softened when it landed on you and you felt bad that it made you feel a bit better. Hyunjin paused and licked his lips. His voice cracked. “I really can’t fucking believe you.”

A shaky breath escaped you as the boys managed to get him under control and he was dragged away. This was your fault. You covered your mouth and quickly crawled into the car. Chan tried to bid you goodbye, but you shut the door before he could. You reached for the necklace in your pocket and stared at it as you were driven away. You pressed it to your chest.

“I won’t let myself forget you,” you murmured under your breath.

➻➻➻➻➻

A year later

Your arms ached as you trekked through the grass. It was slightly muddy, due to the rain just hours before. The place was empty, not a single human in sight. Only gravestones with the occasional soggy bouquet of flowers in front of them. It was slightly cold, a light breeze pushing through your clothes. The sun wasn’t anywhere to be seen, leaving you with just the depressingly, dark clouds.

You still resented Chan and hated the monthly meetings he forced you to go through, but part of you had to owe him this. Him being willing enough to have a small funeral for the boy and give him a gravestone. He hadn’t wanted to, but you had argued for this. Given it your all.

A year had passed since that day. You still regretted everything and sometimes it became too much to bare But somehow, you forced your way through it and now you had a reason to keep going. Just a small reason, but it was good enough.

You paused, staring at the stone for a while. It was a simple gray stone with no fancy carvings. It only held his name on it: no dates and no quote. There were no flowers or candles, just the head alone. You sighed and carefully crouched down, placing the bouquet down.

“That’s your daddy,” you whispered softly to the bundle in your arms. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you smiled. You looked down at your daughter. She was awake, dark eyes staring up at you. “You should always be proud to be his daughter, Noe… he was the best person ever.”

You paused and took a second to wipe away a stray tear.

“He would’ve made an amazing father.”

You brought her up to your chest and kissed her head. You stood up and then looked at the sky. She was your one reason to keep going. The only thing left of him that you had. You wouldn’t let yourself forget him.

And you hoped that his memory lived on with her.

ldufoehdfdlfhdofh i cried

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