#*clears throat* words will never be adequate enough to accept my true feelings in this matter so please accept my humble keyboard smash

[theanonymousninja247]

My reaction to this comic. I literally waited ALL day to come home from work to take this picture because this was just too real and raw for me not to be real myself to show how much it shook me

so face reveal sorta?

I can’t tell you how much closure I’ve received watching this 😪🙏🏼🫶🏼🧡

✨Note to self: Isolation is not the answer✨

This ended up way longer than I originally anticipated but I have no regrets, I also got carried away in one too many shots and regret none of it

Enjoy!

part1 | part2 | part3 | part 4 context: 1 / 2/ 3 / 4

After calming down the two of them just sit down and talk about it, Oneion explains everything more calmly, all the messures his brothers have taken to prevent him going into Survival Mode along with the ways they've find out to snap him out or fully stop him

(From then on Sprout has a high voltage taser intalled on his prostethic, just in case)

This is pretty much it on my part for the whole OneOne-Toast fight aftermath situation! Ell did a thing with One and Poptart too!

I also have some more Sprout and Oneion doodles, they are not connected to this event but I might post them over the weekend

[clearlynotjanus]

Loceit Appreciation Week: Day Two, Crook/Aftermath

READ ON AO3

Chapter Summary: As the aftermath of choosing to attend Lee & Mary-Lee's wedding over Thomas' big acting break approaches, Janus extends Logan an unprecedented olive branch that results in the pair inadvertently working together.

CW: Drinking mention, very brief religion mention, philosophy Word Count: 3703 Genre: Gen, Hurt/comfort Rating: Gen Ships: Slowburn Loceit, pre-established Dukeceit, pre-established Intrulogical, slowburn intruloceit

taglist: @sanderssidesangsttrash​ @catalinaacosta​ @whatishappeningrightnow​ @anxiousbean4404​ @vexelore​ @the-dead-and-the-decaying​ @serpentinesomebody​ @poptartsaysurloved​ @robertdownerjr​ @dangitsbrightinhere​ @iamuncomffy​ @sanderdarksides​ @evertriedsoywithyourpopcorn​ @dragonfander @virgilstarantula​ @a-rudethude @indubitably-emo @gay-artist-626​ @cosplayhanna​ @edupunkn00b​ @wouldntyou-liketoknow​ @awesomerandomgirl1 @rizzyluke @loceitweek2021

To support my writing, consider subscribing to my Patreon or checking out my Ko-fi.

April 13th was rapidly approaching and with each passing hour, Thomas sank deeper into denial. Indecision welled as he went back and forth on the subject matter; callback or wedding, callback or wedding, the opportunity of a lifetime or a petty social engagement -- ugh. There was nothing resolute about his choice, about Roman’s choice. It was impulsive, fueled by the short lived desire to be seen as a good person. The kicker was that, even though Thomas was beginning to see this much, it didn’t matter. He would continue burying the realization under mounds of repression while justifying his discontent every way he could manage, grasping at every straw and still coming up short. 

And Janus was supposed to help him, obviously. Repression may have been Patton’s speciality at times, but lying was his jurisdiction; even and especially when those lies were told to himself -- Thomas’ self. He was expected to disregard the resentment in his heart and perform his function. Well, if Thomas could make questionable decisions, then so could Janus, and he decided that they would all find it very difficult to cope when Thomas suddenly found himself incapable of lying on the wretched day. Maybe then Janus’ argument would be taken seriously -- but that was assuming Thomas would even notice.

Stewing in these thoughts, Janus shifted in his seat. Remus, used to his malcontented fidgeting, never spared a glance, however Logan seemed to finally have had enough.

“Are you alright, Janus?” Logan asked from his position, diagonal from the other. His tone was more annoyed and straightforward than concerned. He had genuinely been interested in the show Remus had put on but found it impossible to concentrate with Janus’ excessive sighing and movement.

“I suppose,” Janus lamented, resuming his contemplative silence. Perturbed, Logan adjusted his glasses and resigned himself to sitting back.

“Well, if there’s anything to be done,” Logan offered mindlessly, allowing his sentence to trail off as his focus resumed on the television.

“Well there is one thing,” Janus seized the opportunity after a brief pause, leaning forward with a hushed tone. Logan blinked at the sudden intensity of Janus’ charm.

“And that would be?” He responded dubiously, glancing almost nervously at Remus who seemed utterly absorbed by the show, sparing no attention to either of them. Similarly, Janus opened his mouth to begin speaking, but then inhaled as he registered the fact of Remus in the room still.

“Join me in the kitchen for a moment?” Janus stood fluidly, “I think we could use a drink,” he excused the thinly veiled shift before turning and exiting for the kitchen.

Confused, Logan sat up, only then realizing how much he had leaned towards Janus in the moment. The back of his neck itched with a familiar heat and he cleared his throat.

“I guess I’ll be--” Logan started to explain but Remus quickly waved a hand and shhhh’d him aggressively. With a small smile, Logan pressed a brief kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek, earning a soft sound of appreciation before standing and following after Janus.

Logan entered as Janus finished pouring a second glass of wine. Assuming the other already filled was for him, Logan accepted and rested a hip against the counter. He crossed an arm under his elbow and watched Janus cap the wine with expectation in his raised chin, but Janus didn’t start speaking until he brought the glass to his lips.

“Something’s coming, you do realize,” he said while meeting Logan’s eyes carefully, his voice low and smooth like a secret. Janus followed his sentence with a slow sip. Logan took the pause to formulate his answer.

“That depends entirely on what you mean by ‘something,’” Logan replied hesitantly, but with a loosely concealed air of knowing. 

The date of Lee and Mary-Lee’s wedding was of little importance to him, though the ramifications on Thomas’ stress levels were vexing. The two were connected, obviously, Logan wasn’t so ignorant as to pretend otherwise; however, he couldn’t empathize nor sympathize with Thomas’ decision -- or Roman’s decision, rather. If providing support for his friends was truly paramount, then why was Thomas stressed? He was unable to sleep soundly despite understanding Remus’ behavior now. Similarly unable to concentrate on work, thoughtlessly picking at his food, distracted by persistent and troubling thoughts of guilt, remorse, and failure.

“But yes,” Logan shook his head, conceding. “Something is coming and we’re all bound to talk in circles again.” He sighed and took a sip that quickly turned into a gulp from his glass.

“They never do listen to you,” Janus pointed out sympathetically and Logan frowned, looking away. “That isn’t your fault, of course,” he quickly soothed the burning truth but Logan remained silent for several long moments. Before he spoke again, he brought his glass up for another long drink.

“It is true though,” Logan admitted with a sigh. It was Janus’ turn to frown. They were all so ignorant to ignore Logic of all sides. How Logan had kept his patience for this long was beyond him. 

“I don’t know how to make them listen,” Logan whispered, stare unfocused across the room. “Sometimes they do but,” his shoulders deflated and he rolled his eyes back up to Janus’ face, his lips lined in resigned disappointment. “More frequently they take my lessons in the opposite direction and come up with some alternative and pointless meaning,” Exasperation leaked into his tone. Janus exhaled in the following silence.

“Well, my favor,” he started after a moment and Logan blinked up, suddenly remembering what this conversation was supposed to be about, “with that in mind, is less for me than it is for you.”

Logan’s brows creased as his eyes narrowed, not in suspicion but in confusion. He opened his mouth, intending to ask how that could possibly be, but his breath was quickly stolen by Janus’ delicate hand on his shoulder as he began to leave.

“When the time comes,” Janus whispered almost directly into Logan’s ear as he leaned in. Goosebumps raised along his arms and his stomach knotted in a way he was beginning to associate with Janus specifically. “Rely on me.”

- - - - -

Another debate spent as an observer, reduced to an annoying popup ad not even most of the audience bothered to pause for; too enthralled with the meaningless, cyclical conversation enduring above. At least Logan could console himself with the idea that some people were reading what he had to say. Thomas, at the very least, already knew everything he was saying. Logic wasn’t a feeling after all but something deeply embedded. A fact that only added fuel to the fire of frustration but that wasn’t something he was concentrating on currently.

Then Patton finally asked for his input directly. Logan already knew that Patton wouldn’t like what he had to say, but it was what Thomas needed to hear; the reality that’s been lying underneath every decision they’ve ever made. It was something Patton actively avoided thinking about. The fact was that his view and use of empathy was far more akin to pity, a feeling that only thinly veiled the nihilistic complex Morality had gotten entangled with in Thomas’ youth. “God,” “fate,” and “nothingness;” were all just terms for relinquishing control of one’s life. A habit that was clearly getting Thomas into situations that weighed on him heavily.

Logan began with reciting the source material: pity runs counter to the instincts that preserve and enhance the value of life. Friedrich Nietzche’s The Anti-Christ. A fantastic read about Nietzsche's claim that Christianity is a poisoner of western culture with its inherent apathy central to westernization. That wasn’t the first sentence nor was it the opening statement of the section he was referring to, but it was a perfectly adequate summary. However Logan didn’t even finish half of his following sentence explaining Nietzche’s philosophy before a yellow and black button appeared on his textbox. Skip all -- click. No hesitation. 

No second thought.

Well, Logan did say that he was making his facts optional this time. 

Something hard suddenly wrapped around his throat and the next thing Logan knew, he was being violently torn away from the scene.

Upright on his feet, he landed in a familiar place. Blinking around the shadowy corners of the Dark Side living room, Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his tie with tense hands. How unnecessarily brutal, he thought.

“Oh hey, Lolo!” Remus greeted from the couch, suddenly realizing his forced entrance. “De -- I mean Jan just left!” A pause. “Wait,” he said slowly like he suspected them of something, but when he continued, he sounded humored again. “Did he send you to babysit me while he went and fucked with the Light Sides?”

Logan sighed, shoulders deflating. “It seems that way,” He conceded, piecing different puzzle pieces together but still getting the same result as Remus. “What are you doing, then,” Logan asked in a rather flat and tired tone as he sat down next to his boyfriend, who proceeded to gush about the diagram he had been sketching for a new building in his Duchy.

Logan guessed Janus had sent him here, in proximity and obligation to Remus, rather than stewing by himself in his room in case he found himself disagreeing with how this had been handled. Which he did, but only with the execution, and not enough to stop Janus at this point. Rely on me, Janus had said a few days ago now and at the time Logan had clammed up from the situation. Janus’ lips pressed against his ear, a hand on his shoulder, wine coursing through his blood; his mind had raced with possibilities and it wasn’t until now that Logan realized what a brilliant set up it had been. 

Hopefully Janus got through to the others easier than him. Historically that hadn’t been the case yet but there was a severe lack of data to infer from. Logan had many chances to convince the others of various rationale at this point. Janus had only the opportunity twice. It was only fair that Logan would rely on him then, and try not to be bitter about it. They had been getting nowhere when he was involved and the only Side Logan could blame was Patton.

Minutes ticked by before Logan detected an opening for further input. Janus struggled with his metaphor, faltered and Logic appeared. Not that any of you care, he began speaking only really to Patton and Roman, but I am unharmed. Janus reacted negatively, perhaps assuming Logan was upset with him for the intrusion -- And I don’t want to talk about it. He wasn’t upset. At least not with Janus.

His explanation ensued and in a rare occurrence, everyone listened. Whether that was due to Janus having gotten their attention focused on the issue at hand or Logan finally having a convincing argument, in the moment he wasn’t sure. However nothing really spoke to the fact that Janus was an emotionally inclined Side more than the way he reacted to Logan putting a legitimate name to his stance; Effective Altruism. His expression was full of clear fascination at being taught something, intrigue to know more, attentive listening; it was Janus’ debut discussion on the stage all over again. The first time Logan had been so explicitly asked for frequent contributions in what had felt like forever. Logan easily fell back into the comforting feeling of being heard -- before sinking out and preventing himself from witnessing anymore absurd contradictions.

After leaving of his own volition to his room, Logan fell back on his bed with a sigh and removed his glasses. Everything was very difficult, he thought, pinching the bridge of his nose; and it would always be difficult as long as Patton continued to be so frustratingly obtuse. Well, at least Janus got it, but seeing that he had an easier time getting through to the others felt bitter. It really did boil down to some … fallacy of Logic, didn’t it.

Logan lost track of time in the mire of his thoughts, at some point having opened his eyes to stare blindly at the ceiling. Everything had calmed down in the living room it seemed. Thomas was now preoccupied with his friends and the Sides were released to continue with their day. Only Logan wasn’t sure what it was he should be doing. A familiar question floated through his mind like an astringently sweet memory; was he even necessary?

“Well don’t you look comfy.”

“Janus,” Logan sat up and rushed to shove his glasses on.

“Oh sorry,” Janus whispered, gesturing with a limp wrist. “Was I interrupting? Were you experiencing an emotion? Should I leave?” Janus teased with drama in his soft voice. Logan cleared his throat.

“Considering you’re already here, no,” He stood and adjusted his tie. “Why are you here? I thought everything was taken care of.”

“It is,” Janus reassured smugly but then slowly crossed the room towards Logan, his eyes and fingertips indulgently dragging along the books lining the wall. “Are you saying I can’t visit?” He paused in front of Logan with pouting lips and a hurt expression. Standing a few inches too close, he reached a gloved hand to smooth the back of Logan’s mussed bed hair. “Check up on you?”

“I didn’t say that.” Heat overtook his face as he quickly looked away, dislodging the hand in his hair with the movement. “You can. I just wasn’t expecting you.” Janus frowned.

“I don’t know why,” he replied, quietly astounded. Didn’t they have an agreement? Why wouldn’t he come to...debrief or whatever after all that? Janus’ lips pursed in a wounded expression as he watched Logan take steps away, looking everywhere but up at him. “That’s beside the point however.” He huffed a soft sigh and tilted his head, attempting to meet Logan’s eyes. “You’re very angry, aren’t you?” He guessed. For once Logan wasn’t denying any of his emotions which was both progress and rather troublesome. The misguided assumption prompted Logan to finally acknowledge his gaze again at least. Janus thought his face was rather unreadable.

“No,” Logan shook his head, giving his own heavy sigh. “Frustrated,” he admitted like Janus was pulling his teeth.

Janus hummed with understanding, raising his chin with a nod. “Well I apologize,” He offered seriously, lifting half of his mouth in a genuine expression. “Perhaps I should’ve been a tad more explicit beforehand,” Janus shrugged shallowly, willing to admit his fault. “It did work however, so I thank you for relying on me. As ... difficult as that may have been.” Janus finished, all too aware of how manipulated Logan might feel; how artificial the moments of closeness they had together lately must suddenly seem -- and while Janus wouldn’t put that sort of thing past himself, it wasn’t true in this case.

“No,” Logan shook his head, blinking at Janus’ seriousness. “I’m not frustrated with you,” he explained slowly, diverted from his frustration for a moment in the misunderstanding.

“You’re not?” Confusion mixed with intrigue on Janus’ face. “Well, what are you frustrated with then?”

Logan rapped knuckles against his desk in thought, looking away from Janus again and down at the action. It was with pride that he regarded himself as Thomas’ language center. Words came easily to him, most of the time. Struggling to phrase things wasn’t an obstacle he faced frequently. However, more often than not, Janus made this part of his job difficult. At the same time, it wasn’t something he’d blame Janus for. It wasn’t Janus’ fault Logan thought he was captivating, distracting. Beautiful.

Logan’s knuckles went still on the desk. “As usual, I find myself frustrated with emotions.” Janus’ brow twitched; was it not just frustration he was feeling? Was there something more he couldn’t articulate? “More specifically,” Logan continued and rolled his eyes back up at Janus, “I’m frustrated with Patton, which is nothing new.”

“Ahh,” Janus breathed, the sound turning into a gentle chuckle. If he had been worried, the concern began to melt away. “Yes,” he nodded slowly, “I can easily imagine that.” Janus thought on their own interaction before his arrival here, in Logan’s room. It was ... very awkward. Patton seemed unwilling to discuss the matter further, or perhaps Janus had just been trying to beat a dead horse. “He’s very naive and difficult to communicate with.” Janus scrunched his nose. 

Historically, he had an easy enough time understanding Patton. He was soft, liked to see the best in people even when he had very clear evidence not to. Patton was emotional and stubborn. There wasn’t anything too complicated about him that Janus didn’t get. It was when he attempted to employ the reverse of Patton understanding him where tragedy struck. For someone who boasted about empathy, Morality had an awful time seeing where Janus came from.

“Yes, precisely. He’s so stubborn,” Logan agreed enthusiastically. As he continued, he began to gesture wildly, speaking with his hands as much as his words to convey his growing level of frustration. “It’s incredible that you’re able to get through to him so effectively when I have been trying to do the same for years now. I mean, stubborn is a kind word for him at this point and he continues to prove that at every moral junction we come to. No, not even just moral junctions; daily undertakings and productivity suffer constantly because of his unreliability! It’s just,” Logan sputtered a humorless laugh, his hands falling hard against his thighs. “Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.”

Janus paused after Logan’s rant came to an end, cocking his head thoughtfully. In the silence Logan caught his breath with a heavy sigh.

“Sorry, I … didn’t mean to blow up on you like that,” Logan apologized, dismissively shaking his head as embarrassment knotted his stomach.

“Oh no, it’s quite alright. Actually I appreciate it,” Janus quickly snuffed out Logan’s self consciousness. The words felt genuine enough and Logan took a deep breath in an attempt to quell the rising self resentment that predictably followed his emotional expression. “I was just contemplating your words, is all,” Janus continued reassuringly, and the sentiment took Logan by surprise. Why had he assumed Janus’ silence meant dismissal of his admission? “I suppose it simply comes down to a matter of communication methods,” Janus glanced to the side in a reflective pause. “You’re a teacher,” He continued after a moment, a gentle smile on his lips as he met Logan’s eyes again. “But Patton doesn’t take very well to being told things.” Logan snorted a knowing and arid laugh, but then thought on how Janus had communicated with Patton in the past.

“You also tell him things,” Logan’s brows furrowed. “He just seems to readily listen to you.”

“Ah, there’s a difference though,” Janus wagged a flimsy finger. “I don’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know at that point in the conversation. Patton’s like … a horse that desperately needs to drink, but refuses to, even when you bring the water to him directly. In such a case, you need to lead the horse to the water. But how do you get him there? Well, in Patton’s case, asking him questions that in turn make him question his own motives tends to work.”

“Ah, the Socratic method,” Logan interrupted as Janus paused.

“Exactly,” He nodded before continuing, “But more importantly, I hear his justifications. I try to see where he’s coming from so I can...clear a path, so to say, from his point A to wherever my point is.” Logan hummed thoughtfully and marveled at the amount of consideration Janus put into his communication with Patton. 

It was admirable and Logan found himself agreeing, once again, with the many flattering adjectives Remus has used for his partner in the past. Graceful, patient, and ridiculously smart. His current explanation made a lot of sense, and Logan felt a bit stupid. He chuckled dryly and looked down, adjusting his glasses. Janus cocked his head, expression perplexed with raised brows.

“Did I say something funny?”

“No,” Logan sighed, “The opposite. You made a great point and I was wondering how I had never thought of that myself.” He admitted with an impressive amount of vulnerability. While the compliment felt nice, mostly Janus was now smiling with pride in Logan’s new found understanding and the handful of walls he had dropped in the process.

“Sometimes,” Janus sighed with a smile, approaching Logan as he had earlier; with steps that placed him just a little too close. “You just need some perspective.” He reached up with both hands and flattened Logan’s collar affectionately, the unexpected gesture making him inhale briskly. “I mean, we all do,” Janus continued, resting his fingers gently against Logan’s collar bones. “Not just you, of course.” 

“Of course,” Logan repeated in a whisper that was more breath than words. Having Janus this close, he suddenly felt whatever intelligible response he may have had evaporate on his tongue as a heat quickly consumed his neck all the way to his cheeks. 

Janus’ smile twitched wider as he lingered, mischievous amusement sparkling in his eyes. Logan was so easy to rile up; even with a foot between them right now, Janus could feel the attraction rolling off him like heat off concrete in the summer. If he continued to stand here, what would Logan do?

“How are you feeling now?” Janus asked after a silent moment. Under his hands, he could feel Logan’s heart rate pick up.

“Fine,” Logan answered automatically, the word cracking indecently. He cleared his throat which marginally brought his senses back. “Fine,” He repeated, shaking his head with a small smile. Janus thought the expression seemed a little forced. 

“Good,” Janus nodded shallowly and paused for another beat before turning away, leaving the air around Logan significantly easier to breathe. “Well, if you need anything else,” Janus’ voice trailed off as he twisted the doorknob with one hand and raised another to delicately wave his fingers goodbye.

When his door clicked shut, Logan fell heavily back on his bed again with a groan that ended in a sigh.

Chapter One || Chapter Three

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

To Fall for the King | Izuku Midoriya x Reader

AN: Hello! This is another discord prompt! This month was a Royal AU and I had so much fun writing this! This is MY LONGEST FIC! I’m proud! Also, I got inspiration from the otome game Midnight Cinderella from Louis’ after story route and Byron’s main story. There are no spoilers through!

Length: 10.2k

Summary: You are first born royal of (k/n) and king Izuku from Toral has proposed to you. The marriage is simply to unite your two kingdoms but not long after, you find yourself falling for the stoic king.

Warning??? Izuku is OOC BUT based on the story it would be normal! Enjoy!!

“With this marriage, we have united both (k/n) and Toral!” At the words of your father, the crowd burst into a loud cheer, which was almost deafening. It was enough to bury your sorrow deep down as you looked upon the loyal citizens of your kingdoms. Your eyes glanced at the man next to you- your husband- but he was looking straight ahead with a fake smile, waving at everyone.

Izuku Midoriya was the current king of Toral and had been since his father passed away and his mother stepped down. Before the passing of the late king, they had approached (k/n) with a proposal, one you didn’t like from the beginning. They wanted a marriage to create an alliance between your kingdoms. Your parents were on board but hadn’t confirmed anything without asking you.

You didn’t want to marry Izuku, you’d barely known him and your parents were all for it… except you had no one else. Being a (princess/prince) who would succeed the throne kept you busy, you were learning the ins and outs of becoming (queen/king). Busy enough that you never had a chance to fall in love on your own.

Toral was a very powerful kingdom, with a strong army and an amazing, thriving economy. You hated the idea of marrying Izuku for the sole purposes of uniting kingdoms… but it’s not like you had anyone else waiting for you. In fact, you were getting older and hadn’t had the opportunity to fall in love. Toral would’ve made a great ally and that was your reasoning for what you did. You accepted the proposal, ready to marry Izuku for your kingdom. For your people.

The thing was, he was just as busy as you. Your families had set up a date for you… but sadly king Hisashi passed away before you could. Toral had to grieve and move on extremely quickly, meaning Izuku had to take the throne. Queen Inko kept her throne up until the marriage. One day prior to it, Izuku was crowned king of Toral and queen Inko stepped down, making room for you. 

Here you stood, minutes after your wedding, looking down at all people from both kingdoms. They looked so happy and you wished you could feel even an ounce of that happiness. Tears threatened to fall from your beautiful (e/c) eyes, tears that could easily be mistaken for tears of joy. Like Izuku, you forced a smile on your face and waved to the adorning crowd. One stray tear slid down, however, no matter how hard you wished to keep it in.

***

You sat on the bed, looking down at your hands in your lap as the tears dripped down your cheeks. You were currently in your new bedroom in your temporary home. Your parents still reigned over your country, which made you move away with Izuku to his, since he was king there. In a few weeks, you’d be crowned (king/queen) and your kingdoms would unite with a new castle being created in the middle of both territories. That would be your permanent home. 

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You were supposed to be jumping for joy… yet here you sat in your wedding (dress/suit) crying your eyes out as the sorrowful atmosphere got thicker. From the day you were born, you were taught this was normal. This WAS the norm for royalty, often to unite kingdoms. But that didn’t mean you were happy about it. After all that happened today, you could no longer keep up the facade.

Right now was your honeymoon night and thankfully, Izuku was called away for business. Which both of you were happy for. Izuku was… hard to read. He was quiet, he didn’t look at you often, and he didn’t really express many emotions either. This was the curse of royalty, something your parents steered you away from. Becoming a stone statue, giving up your wants for the needs of your people.

You’d heard rumors that Izuku had fallen in love with a beautiful princess- some say she was a commoner- however, because of (k/n), he was forced to abandon her. The thought made your heart ache. You couldn’t imagine the pain he must’ve gone through, assuming the rumors were true. Of course, the only way to confirm the rumors was to ask him, but you just… couldn’t. You barely talked, even in a professional setting. How could you ask such a sensitive question?

You stood from your spot on the bed and walked towards the balcony. You opened the doors and stepped out, the cool breeze helped your hot face. Your eyes looked up at the sea of stars before looking down at the kingdom. You could see the beautiful lights and if you paid attention, you could hear the celebration of the united kingdoms.

You had 3 days to get acquainted with the castle before you were going to start on your duties to become (king/queen). Currently, your title was still (princess/prince) but once you’d learned the adequate knowledge about Toral, as Izuku would about (k/n), you would be able to become (king/queen). A proud ruler next to Izuku.

Who was Izuku? You… didn’t know. Toral wasn’t a kingdom that was shrouded in mystery like some others were, but it’s royal family was. Not much was known about the Midoriya’s, however, there weren’t many negative rumors, which was a good sign. Your predicament remained, you were now married to a man you knew nothing about. Even though he wasn’t a tyrant, you didn’t feel safe.

How were you supposed to rule a kingdom with someone you don’t know? How were you supposed to wake up next to someone you don’t know? How were… how was this marriage supposed to work?

You didn’t even have your parents to rely on and it hurt. You were completely alone in this new kingdom and you only had three days to adjust to all of this. Three short days. 

You could see your own kingdom in the distance. Well… you could see the lights, but that was it. You missed it and wished you could just… run away. Jump down from the balcony and run home, just like in the story books. This was reality, though, and something like that would never happen. 

You jumped, almost letting out a scream when you felt something fall onto your shoulders. You quickly grabbed it and sighed in relief when you saw it was just a blanket. You looked to the side to see Izuku leaning against the balcony, looking ahead at his kingdom.

“Wh-what-“

“You’ll catch a cold if you stand out here without one.” He answered curtly, without even looking at you.

“Oh, thank you.” You said, pulling the blanket around your shoulders some more. You hadn't even noticed you were cold. A silence fell between you two, and it was one you didn’t like. He didn’t really bother to make much conversation and he wasn’t even looking at you.

You snuck a glance at him, taking in his features. He had a boyish face, with dark green hair that almost looked blue under the moonlight. His green eyes seemed to hold something you couldn’t decipher in them, but they were beautiful. He was… handsome, you had to admit. That was one good thing about this, at least your husband was attractive.

“Um…” you started, unsure of what to say. Izuku finally looked over at you, his eyes meeting yours. “What do you think about this? The m-marriage, I mean.”

“It’s an alliance.” He responded, before looking away again. That’s all? That’s all he could give you?

“I mean how do you feel about this?”

“There’s nothing to feel. We’re married so our kingdoms could live in harmony and thrive together. The marriage is nothing else.” Ok, that hurt. You could feel the dread building up in your chest as you swallowed the lump in your throat. His cold response only made you want to cry even more. You held strong and nodded, unsure if he even saw it or not. You didn’t want him to see your tears, you didn’t want him to see you as someone weak. 

As much as it hurt, he was right. Your marriage was nothing but a treaty, and there were no emotions attached to it. It was an ugly truth you had to come to terms with if you wanted to be able to move forward. You so desperately wanted to ask about that rumor, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Before you knew it, Izuku was retreating back into your bedroom.

“It’s late and I’m tired. I’ll head to bed first.” Without waiting for your answer, he was gone. You only sighed as you looked up at the sky, the glittering stars that seemed so far away.

“Take me away from here…” you whispered, silently begging for a happier end.

***

When you woke up in the morning, Izuku wasn’t there. You’d heard from your personal butler that he was busy and had been woken up earlier than usual. You didn’t have any complaints, sleeping next to him was already hard enough. 

The maid, Yana, offered to show you around the castle, which you graciously accepted. She showed you all the important rooms and locations. You’d even walked past Izuku’s study where you saw him busy with some documents and chose not to bother him. 

“If I may,” Yana started, looking at you, “You don’t seem very happy for a person who just got married yesterday.” Unsure if you could trust her, you chose to lie this time, forcing a smile onto your face.

“Oh I am! I’m just still getting used to everything! It’s a really big change.” It was clear Yana didn’t buy it, but she didn’t press further on the subject. The last thing she wanted to do was offend the future ruler.

After showing you around, she led you back to your bedroom and went to go prepare some tea. You sat down on the couch in your room and sighed, looking around.

You only saw Izuku once all morning and you weren’t even able to talk to him. Was this going to be your marriage? Were you just going to talk to your husband in professional settings? Would you ever even be friends with him? That thought hurt, you weren’t even on friendly terms with the man you were sharing a bed with. You shook your head and tried to think about something else, your new position for example.

After these three days, you’d have classes for two weeks in which you’d learn everything you could about Toral. Their economy, their farmlands, their trades, and about other kingdoms they were allied with. Similarly, Izuku would learn everything he could about (k/n). Because of this, you would barely see Izuku for two weeks.

You frowned at your own thoughts. You seemed so obsessed with the king, it made you wonder if he thought about you. Did he often wonder what you were thinking? Did he often think about you? Last night, when he brought out the blanket for you, was he worried? Was there a chance for anything to form between you two? Or would this loveless marriage last for the rest of your life?

***

You were alone all day, except for the company of your attendant. You neither saw Izuku nor heard from him. You spent a couple hours on the balcony once again at night hoping for a change in your life before ultimately giving up and heading to bed. 

You weren’t sure what time it was, but you’d caught a glimpse of Izuku laying down next to you before you’d gone back to sleep. Of course, when you woke up the next day, he was gone. Again. This continued on til the third and final day.

While you were getting ready for the day, you wondered if there was anything you could do to break the wall that stood between you and your husband.

“Hey Yana?”

“Yes, your highness?”

“Are you bringing that tea to King Izuku?”

“I am, why?”

“Can I take it to him instead?” She immediately shook her head, her eyes widening.

“Oh no! I couldn’t trouble you! I’ll take it to h-“

“Please. I insist. I… don’t know any other way to interact with him…” you frowned, falling silent. What were you doing? You looked up at her, before speaking again. “Wh-what’s he like?” Yana smiled a little and sat next to you.

“King Izuku’s not all that bad, you know. He’s very kind and gentle. Unfortunately, because of his life as a prince, he’s been… forced to push personal matters down to focus on what’s best for his kingdom. He is very… quiet. He doesn’t talk much and he doesn’t seem very nice either, but I promise you. It’s only a matter of time before you see it. It’ll be hard not to fall in love.” You almost laughed at her words, looking away.

“Fall in love, huh? Seems… impossible.”

“You’re not wrong to think so. When the idea of marriage was brought up, I was there. His highness didn’t seem to even blink at the fact that he would be in a loveless marriage. But I know, deep down, he must’ve felt something. He just couldn’t say it.” You knew that feeling. You had the freedom to reject Toral, but chose to accept them instead. Izuku had done the same. You were more alike than you thought.

“He seems pretty cold-hearted.” Though you were afraid to offend Yana, you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking. Thankfully, Yana didn’t take it personally.

“He’s just shy. His shyness plus him pushing down his emotions makes him seem like that, but he’s not. He’s always believed in justice. He’s always wanted to be the reason people smiled. He’s definitely ready to be king, I’m sure overtime, he’ll be able to open up again. At least, I hope he does.”

Is that so? Izuku… wanted people to keep smiling? Seemed a little bit… odd given your interaction with him a couple of nights ago. Maybe there was more to him you had yet to see. As much as you disliked being in this marriage, you wanted it to work. You wanted to fall in love with him and you wanted to rule beside a man that you at least LIKED. 

Taking a deep breath, you made an oath to yourself. You would do everything in your power to meet Izuku halfway.

***

“Come in.” A deep voice said, making you push the door open and walk in. Izuku was staring at some papers on his desk, looking back and forth between the ones in his hands as well. “Yana can you- oh.” He paused when he saw you, his emerald eyes widening a little.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to bring you your tea, myself.” You said, placing the tray on the desk, away from the documents.

“That’s alright, but why wouldn’t you want the maid to do it?” He inquired, placing the documents aside. You blinked at his question, expecting it but not having a definitive answer for it.

“I uh… um…” you sat down on the chair in front of the desk and tried to come up with a proper response. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What?” Yeah… your mind said the same thing. What the hell were you talking about? Taking a deep breath, you tried to put your thoughts into discernible sentences.

“We… haven’t really talked, in general. Every time we’re together, it feels like an awkward silence. The only time we’ve had a lengthy conversation was when we were exchanging our vows.” You could see a frown forming on the king’s face as he looked down for a moment. However, he quickly reverted to his emotionless state.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be like that. I just assumed you wouldn’t want to talk to me.” That was news to you, but you didn’t even have to ask why he said that. It was his family that brought up the arranged marriage. He could always see that you didn’t like it, whether it was him or the situation, but your reluctance was as clear as day. You, yourself, didn’t bother to hide it.

Now it was your turn to frown, not realizing that Izuku was just trying to comfort you in anyway he could. To him, he’d practically held a sword to your throat and demanded a wedding, but that wasn’t true.

“That’s not it,” you clarified, meeting his bright green eyes. “I had the ability to reject the proposal but I chose to accept instead. All of my own accord.” Izuku really didn’t have an answer, but you saw something cross his eyes. Was that… sadness? Why would he be sad? You tried to tell him his assumptions weren’t true.

“I see…” was all he could say. You tried to keep your disappointment down as you poured him, and yourself, a cup of tea. After a moment of silence, you spoke up.

“What are you working on?”

“I wanted to build a bride over the Toral river. The river makes it harder for merchants to cross it. I thought it would make life easier for everyone who lives on the other side.” Well that was a rather noble cause. However, he looked overly stressed about this, even though it seemed like it was something simple. He’s the king, all he needs to do is demand the bridge be built, right?

“Why do you look so stressed though?” He looked up at you again, before writing something down on the document in hand

“That part of the land is owned by another noble. Unfortunately, he’s neither using it nor permitting us to build the bridge. I know for a fact life’s easier for him without the bridge, that’s why he keeps saying no.”

“What would he get out of not having the bridge?”

“He’s really just a greedy and selfish noble. Besides, the location where we want to build the bridge is pretty far off from his estate, so he doesn’t have that excuse.” However, after saying those words, Izuku froze. He fell deep into thought, his brows furrowing.

“Is everything ok?” You asked, slowly, not wanting to break his train of thought. He was silent for another moment, before he looked up at you.

“(Princess/Prince), if you had a land where your leading monarch wanted to build a bridge… Why would you say no? Even if you weren’t using the land.”

“Hmm… well I would only say no if I was using it. Maybe if I was doing something I didn’t want you to know about.” You nonchalantly responded, before your own eyes widened. “Do you think he’s doing something illegal on those lands?”

“He would. Why else would he be so adamant on keeping lands he doesn’t use. According to him, it’s land passed down for generations. If he truly isn’t doing anything on it, then wouldn’t his lack of activity be an insult?”

“I would think so. If he cares so much, he’d always do something on it. At least, take care of it.” For the first time, Izuku smiled at you. A real, genuine smile. He promptly stood up and grabbed some documents.

“I’m sorry for cutting this short, but I have an idea of what to do. However, to thank you for helping me through this, would you go on a date with me, later this evening? I believe it’s your last day to rest before you start work? And you have yet to see our city.” Your heart leapt in your chest as a smile came over your lips.

“I would love to, King Izuku.” The monarch smiled once again before leaving the room. You looked down at the cup of tea in front of you as you felt your cheeks warm up. A date, later today, with your husband. You didn’t hate the idea, you didn’t dread waiting, and in fact, you didn’t want to wait.

The entire day was spent hoping the time would come for when Izuku took you out on your little date.

***

“You look wonderful, (Princess/Prince).” Yana commented, her eyes looking over your form. You were wearing (a simple dress/jeans with a silk shirt). You’d changed out of the formal wear you had to wear around the castle into something more comfortable, while still showing off your noble status.

“Thank you,” you smiled, looking at yourself in the mirror. You could see the giddiness in your eyes, and you didn’t want to hide it. For the first time in years, especially since you got married, you were extremely happy. It felt so odd, but so good. 

There was a knock at your door, pulling you from your thoughts. Yana quickly walked over and opened the door. You saw a smiling Hiro on the other side. He was an apprentice butler at the castle and he was doing a great job. He and Yana were good friends of yours, already.

“Ready, your highness?” You nodded as Yana waved to you before you followed Hiro downstairs to the foyer, where you saw Izuku waiting. He was talking to Noel, the Royal Guard Captain about something, before they both looked over and saw you. Both of them gave you a smile, which you returned.

“Are you ready?” Izuku asked, making you nod as you took his hand. He led you out to the carriage that awaited you two, helping you climb in first before getting inside, himself. You saw Noel get on his horse next to your carriage and all the way to the city, he followed beside you two.

“You look happy,” Izuku commented, looking at you. Your cheeks flushed red and you heard him chuckle as he looked out the window beside him. “Cute…” he muttered.

“Thank you so much for doing this, I hope it’s not too much.” You said, making him look back at you. You noted his gaze was much more gentle than before, which added to the hope building up in your chest.

“You’re my spouse, I was more than happy to do this. Besides, I needed a break from all that paperwork.” His words prompted a question you’d had for a while and this seemed like the perfect time to ask. 

“You’ve been king since 18, correct?” Izuku nodded at your words before slightly leaning back to be a bit comfortable.

“Officially, yes. However, I have been helping my mother since I was 15. When my father fell ill, I often helped my mother with his portion of work. Of course, I myself, couldn’t sign off of anything since I was still a young child, but I helped her with all the documents. I would read them for her and give her a summary for it all, along with what I thought would be the proper decision. Sometimes, she took my views under consideration and sometimes she would trust my judgement.” Wow, he’s been working since he was a kid. He really was ready to be a king. He… never really had a childhood, but then again, you didn’t either.

You weren’t making decisions, but ever since you were young, you’d been training to take over the throne. After the age of ten, you were an extremely busy child and hopefully all that work would pay off. Tomorrow, you’d be learning everything you could about Toral so you could be (queen/king).

“That… must’ve been hard.” You said, barely above a whisper. His emerald eyes found yours and you saw something that broke your heart. You could see the loneliness.

“It’s… our job.” He responded, looking away from you and back out into the window. You’d seen Izuku before becoming a little acquainted with him and he never showed off his emotions. So, he must’ve willingly let you see what he felt and it made your heart sink.

***

“Wow, it’s beautiful out here.” You said as Izuku led you through the city. Toral’s cities were known for their vibrancy and beauty, and the stories were no lies.

“Thank you. As you know, we pride ourselves on our country’s natural beauty.” Izuku commented as he continued forward. You were currently holding onto his arm as the two of you walked, making you feel warm inside. You actually felt like you were a couple on a date. Your eyes traveled to the sky which was a mix of red, orange, and yellow. It was getting late, which meant you’d have to head back soon and that thought made you a little sad. You were having so much fun.

“Oh, King Izuku, what’s that?” You asked, gesturing to a dessert stand in the distance. He looked over, seeing the item you were talking about and smiled a little.

“Those are dragon cakes.” He said, making you look at him with wide eyes. He almost chuckled in amusement when he saw the excited expression you sent him.

“Dragon cakes? I’ve never heard of them!”

“They’re a Toral specialty. Don’t worry, no dragons were harmed in the creation of said dessert.” He said matter-of-factly, making you giggle as the two of you walked closer to the stand. The owner looked towards you and smiled brightly.

“King Izuku! (Prince/Princess) (f/n)! Welcome!”

“We’d like the dragon cakes please.” The man nodded, happily packing two boxes of the cakes as Izuku dropped a few silver coins onto the table as the man placed two spoons onto the top of your boxes.

“Thank you! Please come again!” As you two walked ahead, you looked back and smiled when you saw Noel and his men buying a couple of cakes too. How cute.

The two of you found a nice seat in front of a beautiful garden as you ate your cake. You eagerly opened the box and smiled at the beautiful mix of colors on the dessert. Quickly picking up a small piece, you placed it into your mouth and smiled at the taste. It was extremely sweet, the flavor bursting in your mouth.

“Like it?” Izuku asked with a smile, making you turn and quickly nod.

“I love it! It’s delicious!” He chuckled and turned to you as you took another bite. The wind ruffled his hair a little and the golden glow from the sun made him look like an angel.

“Does (k/n) have a special dessert?” He inquired, making you fall into thought for a moment. You hadn’t really left your country, so you weren’t too sure about what everyone else had, but you did have a very famous dessert.

“We have (dessert)! I’m not sure if other countries have it, but it’s very popular! Almost like a celebratory dessert, people often buy it on special occasions.”

“I’ve never had it before, so I’ll definitely have to try it.” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice a little. “Do not tell Noel or Matsuo, they limit the amount of sweets I can have.” His childish tone made you burst out laughing and he feigned offense. “I’m being serious! Stop laughing!”

“I c-can’t help it! That’s so cute!” You said, leaning closer to him. The back of your hand, which held your spoon, pressed against your lips as you tried to stop laughing to no avail. Matsuo was his advisor and had been the previous king’s advisor. He was a rather strict man, but he was also kind and understanding.

“Keep that up and I’ll be using you as a means of distraction in my nightly escapades to the kitchen.” No way… you looked at Izuku with wide eyes and a big smile. He didn’t even bother to deny it!

“You steal candy from your own house?!” Your laughter increased and soon Izuku joined in. He couldn’t help it, your laugh was lovely and contagious. Just thinking about a cute little Izuku sneaking down to the kitchen to steal candy from his own house was just hilarious and so adorable. Especially as an adult, a king no less.

You looked over at the king, who’d almost seemed heartless the first night you spent together. He was… beautiful. His face and personality. Yana was right, he really wasn’t as cold as he acted. In fact, it didn’t seem like it was hard for Izuku to show his emotions. Life of nobility often brought situations where it wasn’t appropriate to show emotions, he probably just didn’t realize it was ok to turn that off when he was with you. As you watched his cheeks turn red from the laughter and the golden glow around him increase, you wished this moment would last an eternity.

How could you hide such a beautiful sight from the world? You thought as his musical laughter echoed around you.

***

Alas, your date had come to an end. The two of you returned home together, however, you went to your bedroom alone. Izuku had some work to do, but he promised to join you in an hour or so.

You had changed into your nightwear and sat down on the bed, when your eyes glanced outside of the window. Tonight was a full moon, yes? 

You stood and walked to the balcony doors and opened them, stepping out into the cold night. You walked forward and stared out towards the city. Once again, the lights were shining bright and even now, the city looked so alive.

Your eyes moved up to see the gleaming stars winking at you and the bright moon smiling down. Tonight was different, though.

The first night you were here, all you could think about was someone stealing you away from this fate you’d chosen and regretted. Now… all you wished was to be with Izuku. Today was the first time you two had experienced each other in a natural setting. Izuku opened up about himself and you finally saw past the King. You finally saw the man named Izuku. 

You wanted more of these nights. You wanted more dates where you could spend time getting to know Izuku or nights where you could just talk to him.

You smiled at the moon, the stars, and the city in the distance. You opened your mouth, speaking to no one in particular.

“I think… I’d like to stay here.” Your cheeks turned red when you thought about your husband and happiness flooded your chest when you thought back to his angelic laughter.

You liked Izuku, didn’t you? That was great news, you’d hoped he felt the same. If this kept up with you two, then you’d surely fall in love soon enough.

As your mind went on thinking about other date scenarios, you failed to notice a figure behind you. Just as before, something fell around your shoulders and you jumped, only to realize it was a blanket. You held the blanket closer and smiled to yourself.

“Don’t wanna catch a cold now, your majesty.” Your blood ran cold and you froze, the smile disappearing in an instant.

That wasn’t Izuku.

You turned frantically and saw a man with black hair and bright blue eyes, smiling at you. 

“Wh-who are you?” Your voice was shaky and any attempt to make yourself sound confident failed miserably.

“Oh? I am no one you should worry your pretty little head over, my dear. How… is your relationship going with the king?” The bright moonlight reflected on something that sat on his waist… a sword? No… a gun.

“I-it’s great…” you answered as the man approached you, making you back up until you hit the rail behind you. He smelled… nice, actually. His scent was a mixture of a cologne with something floral, almost like roses but not quite.

“Has he brought up his old love, yet?” Oh… no, you hadn’t been able to bring up such a sensitive question up to him. Not yet.

“N-no…”

“Worry not, your majesty, I will inform you on the subject.” He said with a smile, which sent shivers down your spine. “King Izuku had met a lovely dame in the city once. It was a day off, something that’s rare for him, when he decided to visit the lovely town. He had managed to escape from Noel and the other guards when he ran into a woman. She was carrying flowers in a basket. The collision caused the two to fall to the ground, her over him. It was a rather romantic scene where the woman quickly apologized but the king only laughed. Love at first sight, would you believe it?

Eventually, the two couldn’t stay apart. Izuku visited her as much as he could, even going so far as to sneak out of the castle. The two would meet for over two years like this before they finally confessed. That’s when the king bedded the innocent maiden, both of them promising each other their hearts and bodies. They would belong to each other no matter the outcome of their lives.” His blue eyes met yours again, and he smiled brightly at the anguish he saw on your face.

“I-it's all j-just a rumor…” you whispered, as the tears started to well up in your eyes. The man leaned down and whispered into your ear. 

“Is it, your highness?” Your gaze fell to the floor as the tears slowly rolled down your cheeks.

“... No…” He laughed a little, pulling away and taking your face in his hands. You wanted to slap his hands away. You wanted to shove him off of you. You wanted to get away. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to even think properly, your legs were frozen, your hands were shaking, so you just let him do as he pleased.

His warm fingers wiped away your oncoming tears and he put on a frown, but you could see the amusement in his eyes.

“Your majesty, I can take you away from all of this. You need only ask.” Before you could say anything, your bedroom door burst open and you saw an extremely furious Izuku.

“(F/N)! YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” The man made a displeased face and shoved you forward as a distraction before jumping off the balcony. Izuku caught you before you hit the ground, holding you close to him protectively as he glared in the direction the man had gone. 

“King Izuku?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, as you looked up at him.

“Are you hurt? Did he do anything to you?” You shook your head, making his glare soften. He sighed as he wiped away the tears that were still sliding down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, I was late.” You buried your face in his chest and clung to his shirt as he gently ran his hands through your hair to calm you down.

***

Noel and the other guards searched the castle grounds numerous times but weren’t able to find anything. One good piece of news was that they knew of the man, everyone did, especially Izuku. His name was Dabi and he was a well-known thief and bounty hunter. It was odd that Dabi would come to you, you neither had a bounty on your head nor were you really of value, yet. Dabi refused to steal anything that wasn’t worth any value.

Izuku stayed with you all night, trying to help you sleep but failed. You were too scared and your tears wouldn’t stop. Of course, Izuku thought it was because you were scared, but that wasn’t necessarily true. Yes, you were terrified, but you were hurt. This woman… and Izuku promised their hearts and bodies to each other, no matter the outcome? Meaning… Even now when Izuku was technically married to you, he wasn’t yours nor did it seem like he planned on becoming yours.

Why did that hurt so much? You barely knew each other and just earlier today you were saying it was impossible to fall in love with him. Yet here you were, heartbroken? Were you starting to fall for him? Even so, with such little time, why were you so hurt? Sure, even if you had a crush… it shouldn’t feel like this.

Izuku laid next to you, running his hand through your hair, trying his best to soothe you. He even had some tissues nearby to wipe your tears. Hiro had brought you both some tea earlier, to help you calm down and sleep. However, it didn’t help. You weren’t able to drink much and all you could think about was the words Dabi had said to you.

“Will you let me hold you, (princess/prince)?” Izuku inquired softly. You both had kept a good distance from each other in bed and even now, he’d reached across to your side to pat your head. Your eyes met and all you could see was what Dabi told you, yet your body moved all on its own. You nodded and scooted closer, to which he opened his arms and pulled you into him.

He was so warm and just the sensation of his arms around you was enough to drive your tears away. Dabi’s words returned to your mind for the umpteenth time, but… you didn’t care. Not this time. You closed your eyes as you leaned into him, letting him take away all your worries. So what if Izuku promised his heart and body to someone else? Yours belonged to him, regardless.

***

The next morning Matsuo suggested you take another day off to recover from the fright the previous night, but you refused, saying you preferred to start your lessons instead. Yana, Hiro, and even Izuku opposed your idea, but you’d made up your mind.

Your lessons weren’t very hard, it was just a matter of memorization. Toral had a rather rich history and for the most part, you loved to hear all about it. Your teacher was a bureaucrat named Mirio Togata that worked closely with King Izuku at times. With the insight your instructor provided, you were able to understand how Toral came to be such a powerful kingdom with it’s flourishing economy and numerous allied countries. 

It was nothing less than impressive. Thanks to Mirio, you were also able to learn more about Izuku and the Midoriya family, including where your place would be. One of the things you learned, which couldn’t have made you happier, was that you weren’t expected to provide an heir. Toral’s nobility had a history of adopting and you were no exception. However, you would need someone to succeed the throne at some point, which you were ok with.

The entire day was exhausting and all you did was spend it with Mirio as he taught you everything you needed to know. Around 8 pm, your lessons came to an end for the day. You were in your room with Hiro, who, of course, made you some tea and even had snacks ready for you. Ever since the incident, you weren’t allowed to be alone. For the most part, Hiro accompanied you everywhere, but Noel also carried that duty. Whenever you left the castle, even if you were just walking around the gardens, Noel followed you. Every time you moved about the castle, there was a knight or two nearby.

Everyone, especially Izuku, was on high alert. You weren’t allowed to be alone, not even for a second. Unfortunately, since Dabi was able to sneak into the castle, the castle wasn’t the safest place. Both Hiro and Yana had plenty of combat experience to guard you, and since you were friends, that made the bothersome experience tolerable.

“Are you ok, your highness?” You blinked and looked over at a worried Hiro, quickly giving him a smile.

“Yes, I’m ok. Just thinking.” You answered as you picked up your cup and sipped the tea. Hiro nodded, not wanting to press further.

“King Izuku should be here in about an hour. He prefers to be around you when it’s late. I hope you don’t mind.” You shook your head and smiled.

“Not at all, I appreciate it.” Of course, the entire day all you could think about was this “innocent maiden” that the king had fallen in love with. Who was she? What was she like? Was she pretty? Strong? Talented? Was she better than you?

Thoughts of her made focusing on what Mirio said extremely difficult. You did your best to push down any insecurities but how could you? Why couldn’t you? You barely knew Izuku but here you were, ridiculously messed up. 

From the story, it was clear that King Izuku couldn’t be with her, so were you just a replacement? Maybe that’s why he accepted the proposal, he didn’t want anyone but her but he couldn’t have her. The thought brought an intense ache in your heart. Were you… just a replacement? Why? Sure, he may have loved that woman but… he could love you too, right? 

You could feel the pain spread to your chest and you looked down as the tears returned. God, you were so weak. You really couldn’t get a hold of yourself, could you?

“Y-Your highness!” Hiro exclaimed, rushing to you when he saw your tears. He knelt in front of you and frowned. “Why are you crying?” Your eyes met his bright blue ones and you mulled over your thoughts. Could you tell him? Could Hiro be trusted with this information?

“Hiro. Tell me about the rumors about the king falling in love with another woman.” He looked taken aback, but nodded, regardless. It wasn’t like he could refuse someone crying the way you were. 

“Even we haven’t been able to confirm whether the rumors are true,” Hiro said, swallowing hard, “the rumor is that King Izuku met the woman in town on his day off. They collided into one another and fell in love at first sight. King Izuku would sneak out to meet her and when he wanted to marry her, he was rejected. Both Queen Inko and King Hisashi we’re against it, so they weren’t able to get married.

Other rumors say she was a criminal. The woman, that’s why they couldn’t be together. I’ve known King Hisashi and Queen Inko since I was a child and I know they wouldn’t reject someone King Izuku loved, no matter her status. Which is why the first story is also not very plausible.

The third rumor is that she was a princess and she was already meant to marry someone else. In the two years they spent together, they fell deeply in love but in the end, they had to part. She wouldn’t let go, saying she couldn’t live with her heart and body belonging to a man she didn’t love. So, to do the only thing he could, king Izuku claimed her body and heart, saying that now they were with someone she did love.” Hiro fell silent after the story, indicating he was done talking. You were silent as well, thinking about what he said. Ok… so that was romantic, even though you hated it

The last rumor matched what Dabi has said with one difference. The commoner was a princess already engaged to someone else. Your (e/c) eyes met Hiro’s and you opened your mouth to speak.

“Do you think there’s any truth to the rumors?” He looked down with a clouded expression, clearly not wanting to upset you. However, at the same time, he also didn’t want to lie to you.

“I… I’m not sure. But I do know there was a period of two years where King Izuku would regularly sneak out of the castle. He always returned home with a single flower. Usually a rose.”

“How do you know?”

“I would help him. I would make excuses for him so he wouldn’t get caught. Thankfully, neither did I.” So, it was true. As you fell deeper in thought, Hiro’s voice pulled you out again. “You know, (prince/princess), it’s best if you ask him, yourself. All of these stories are rumors, they could have no truth to them whatsoever.”

He had a point. Dabi could’ve been lying, telling you one of the more popular rumors. The rumors were so widespread, even you’d heard of them in your country. But Hiro was right, they could’ve been false, yet you were here getting so worked up over them.

You sighed and placed your cup of tea down as you munched on one of the snacks Hiro had brought. Was it ok to ask king Izuku such a sensitive question? I mean, even if it was such a personal question, he wouldn’t mind answering knowing how much it bothered you, right? 

But at the same thing, asking him felt so… embarrassing and scary. What if he got angry or what if he confirmed the rumors true? What then? At least right now, it was all speculation. You could pretend they were all just fake stories, but once he’d confirm the truth, what would be left to deny? Was it better to stay in the dark? 

You were pulled from your thoughts and your head snapped to the door when it opened. You saw King Izuku enter and look at you with a tired smile. Immediately, your heart began to race and you became restless.

“Hello.” He greeted you two as Hiro bowed, before silently leaving. “How are you?” Izuku joined you on the couch, sitting right next to you. He reached out and took a small cookie from the plate in front of you.

“I’m fine.” Although you didn’t stutter, your voice was strained and you were sure he heard it too.

“Please don’t push yourself.” He said and took your hand. “I don’t want you to overdo it.” You nodded, letting him hold your hand. Even if he was already someone else’s, the warmth you felt from his hand eased your burdens.

“I won’t.”

***

It had been about a week since the Dabi incident and he was nowhere to be found. Of course, naturally, the security wasn’t as strict and you were finally able to breathe and have some time alone. Constantly being followed was more exhausting than you thought it would be. However, now you were able to rest easy.

It didn’t last long, however. As you sat in your bedroom eating the snacks Hiro had brought, you saw a figure on the balcony. No way… 

Dabi looked back at you and smiled, making you gulp nervously as you slowly approached the doors. He knew about this other girl. Maybe he could tell you more. Hopefully curiosity wasn’t about to kill this cat.

“It’s you,” you said, making his smile widen, “you’re Dabi.”

“So you remember me, doll. It’s an honor.” You were hesitant, but you pushed the words out anyway.

“Tell me more about the woman King Izuku fell in love with.”

“Of course, your majesty. Anything for our future ruler.” You invited Dabi inside, not wanting him to get caught before he finished the story. Even though he’d attacked you last time, your curiosity was too strong to call for help. You wanted to know more about this woman and you couldn’t bring it up to Izuku, no matter how much you tried. So, he was your best option.

“She’s said to hail from your kingdom,” Dabi started, making your eyes widen a little. “The commoner. The current rumor is that King Izuku married you in hopes to search your kingdom for her.” Ouch.

“What does he hope to do when he finds her?” You asked, your voice cracking with anxiety.

“What else? A king can have his harem or even a concubine. If anything, he could declare her his mistress and you’d be powerless to do anything.” Ok, sure king Izuku COULD do that, be he wouldn’t. He… he wasn’t like that. You hadn’t known king Izuku that long, but this just seemed so uncharacteristic. However, what would king Izuku do once he found her? This innocent maiden he fell for.

“I…” you had tried to say something, but were unable to. What could you say? This rumor was worse than the others. Was your husband truly using you to find a woman he was so madly in love with? What would he do once he found her? Tears welled up in your eyes again. You didn’t even bother holding them back as they slid down your cheeks. Dabi smiled as he leaned closer.

“Give it time, your highness. When he breaks your heart, I’ll come and steal you away.” You looked up, meeting his sapphire eyes. The pain in your heart just increased at his words and you found yourself speaking before you could stop to think.

“Promise?” You choked, making him reach out and wipe a stray tear. More followed in its wake, however.

“Of course. You’ll be of value then.” Right, he only stole things of value, and by then you’d no doubt be (king/queen). You only nodded as Dabi stole a biscuit and walked towards the balcony. “See you later, doll.” With that, he disappeared into the night, leaving you alone to wallow in your thoughts.

***

It had been a little over a week since your talk with Dabi. You hadn’t seen or heard from him again and from the way everyone was acting, it was obvious they hadn’t seen him.

The time was getting closer for you to be crowned (king/queen) next to king Izuku and you hated it. You hated it more than you did the first day you found out about this wedding. Recently, your husband had been extra busy in (k/n). You weren’t sure and he didn’t tell you much, but you could assume why. It must’ve been her. 

You were back to sleeping on your own and you felt that wall between yourself and Izuku standing tall. You were too busy with your lessons to properly sit your husband down to ask about why he was going to your country so much. 

“Are you alright, your highness?” You blinked and saw Mirio’s face peering down at you with concern.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” He smiled, sympathetically.

“How about a break then? I think you’ve been working extremely hard, recently and you need to take it easy.” He smiled, as he poured some tea for you. You graciously took it and sipped at it.

“Mirio, do you know what king Izuku’s doing in (k/n)?” 

“Word is he’s searching for something.” You had to keep yourself from sighing. So it was true after all. He really is looking for his innocent maiden. You couldn’t compete, there was just no way. “Why do you look so sad, your highness?” You looked up at Mirio, trying to think of the words. It took a moment but you found them.

“I want something and I can’t have it. So I’m sad.” He frowned at your words and looked down at his cup of tea. A (king/queen)-to-be wanted something they couldn’t have? Seemed impossible.

***

You sighed as you fell back on your bed, your eyes glued onto the beautiful ceiling. The days were so beautiful but you weren’t able to enjoy them. You missed the one date you had with king Izuku. You missed the happiness you felt because recently, all you felt was loneliness and dread. 

Just when you thought you were getting closer to the man you married, it turns out you were wrong. You thought that wall had fallen, but it never did. You were merely too far away to even see it. Izuku could never love you the way you’d come to love him. That was the harsh reality you needed to accept.

The door opened, making you jump a little and you saw your husband. He was finally back? From the looks of it, he didn’t find her.

If you were going to be married to him for the rest of your life, assuming Dabi stealing you away would fail, you at least wanted to know the truth. You’d finally felt you had enough courage to ask and you no longer cared if the time was right or not. 

While you sat there thinking, Izuku quickly changed out of his suit and returned to you.

“You’re still up? It’s late, you should rest. I’ve heard from everyone you’ve been so busy I don’t want you-“

“Why have you been going into (k/n)?” You asked, interrupting him. He was clearly taken aback but shrugged it off. You hadn’t meant to sound so harsh and uncaring, but you couldn’t change it now.

“I’ve been looking for something, why?” Alright, so he WAS looking for something.

“King Izuku… I want you to tell me about those rumors. About you falling in love with someone.” He nodded without hesitation.

“Of course. Tell me all you’ve heard.” You inhaled before explaining everything you’d been told, making sure to leave out the names of your sources. Izuku quietly listened to every last word and could see your frustration building up. He found it almost too adorable. However, that feeling went away when he saw the tears.

“If… you’re looking for her, I’d like to know.” You felt as if you’d been rather harsh, but who could blame you?

“Well, (prince/princess), there is no truth to any of those rumors.” You froze, staring at him. Was he lying? 

“Well what about sneaking out regularly for 2 years? Coming back with flowers?” He smiled a little and shook his head.

“I did sneak out often but that was because I loved going to the city. I was always busy so whenever I could, I would sneak out of the house. The flowers were from a nice old lady who figured out I was the prince. She was such a sweetheart and always gave me candy with a rose.” Oh. “If anything, your highness, the “maiden” in the story is you.”

“What?” He chuckled at your obvious confusion. Ok now you looked even more adorable than before.

“It was nothing as serious as the rumors claim. I was visiting your country and it happened to be your 18th birthday. I saw you on the balcony with your parents. The entire kingdom was celebrating. I didn’t fall in love at first sight, but I thought you were absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you for a second. After that day, I couldn’t get your face out of my head. I was actually pretty desperate to meet you,” he admitted with a chuckle as your face turned shades off red. “That’s why when I was told I could marry you, I wanted to.

I didn’t expect it to work, actually. We barely knew each other. I just thought I’d at least be able to meet you and talk to you. Maybe it would put my heart to ease, a little. And to answer your previous question, I’ve been looking for a well known jeweler. There is a ring I wanted her to make, and I wanted to give you that ring instead.”

“A-another ring?” He nodded with a bright smile and took your left hand, his finger brushing against the ring.

“When I gave this to you, it symbolized unity between our countries. That’s all… but the one I was planning on having made will be a symbol of my love for you.”

“L-love!?” Your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed red at his words. He only nodded, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing them.

“Yes. I love you. It didn’t take very long… but I’m in love with you, (prince/princess) (f/n).”

To say you felt like an idiot would be an understatement. You’d been stressing over a story that wasn’t even real! If anything, it was about you! Your cheeks burned red at the thought of Izuku loving you and only you.

“Oh? Are you blushing?” He asked, leaning in close. Your cheeks only got redder as your embarrassment surfaced.

“St-stop teasing, king Izuku.” 

“I should’ve mentioned this before but we’re married now, you don’t have to use formalities.” He smiled, as his hand found its way to your cheek. You closed your eyes and leaned into the warmth before you felt something soft on your lips.

This was your second kiss with him and it was definitely better than the first. You could feel the passion he poured into the kiss and it made your heart race. 

You immediately melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He pulled you onto his lap, deepening the kiss. A small sigh left your lips, making his arms tighten around your waist. He pulled away and looked up at you a little.

“Oh, if you keep that up, your highness, I won’t be able to hold back.” He whispered, his lips meeting yours again. The kiss was much more heated, but you responded with just as much fervor. Slowly, his soft lips trailed down your neck. You closed your eyes and let the warmth spread through your body, as the excitement caused tingles. 

Your hands raked through his fluffy green tuft and as his lips kissed your neck. You felt a pinch for a second before he moved his way down to your chest. He dropped you down onto the bed, crawling over you and staring down at your flustered form.

The look in his eyes drove you up a wall. So far you’d only seen Izuku as emotionless and adorable… but you’d never seen THAT look in his eyes. 

“(F/n). Will you give me your heart and body?” You nodded without hesitation, as he leaned down and claimed your lips before he’d claim all of you.

***

“I present to you… (KING/QUEEN) (F/N)!” The kingdom roared with applause, causing you to smile brightly. Ever since Izuku cleared up the rumors, you’d never felt happier. In a sense, the rumors were true. You had been the innocent “maiden” he’d fallen in love with and had claimed your body and heart, while giving you his own.

You smiled as you stood next to your husband, waving to everyone. You saw your parents and Inko standing to the side, waving back. Your parents would step down as rulers of (k/n) so you and Izuku could take their place and they couldn’t have been happier. The ring on your finger was a reminder of the love you both shared. Something you wouldn’t give up for the world.

***

“Still need to be stolen, (king/queen) (f/n)?” You smiled as you turned around and saw Dabi standing behind you with a smirk. The celebration had ended and you were by yourself, once again, at your balcony.

“I’ll be disappointing you tonight, Dabi.” He only smiled as he stood next to you and leaned against the railing.

“I think I’m ok with that, this time.” He mumbled, looking ahead at the large city. You were smiling before your brows furrowed and you turned to him.

“You lied to me about the rumors.” He chuckled and looked at you, his bright blue eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Hey, I never said they were true.” You scoffed and shook your head, glaring at him a little.

“I was so upset, Dabi!” He smirked and little and leaned in close to you, his fingers pushing a lock of your hair away from your face. You froze a little, not expecting something like this to happen. His cold, slender fingers slid down to your neck, brushing up against it. You shivered at the sensation, looking away a little.

“Oh? Keep that up, your majesty and I might just steal you for myself.”

“Dabi…” you mumbled, looking back at him.

“Oh right, you’re already taken. This mark proves it.” Your eyes widened and your face flushed a deep red, making Dabi throw his head back and laugh. You had a hickey this whole time?!! Who all saw it?!

“D-Dabi!” You exclaimed, smacking his arm. But you couldn’t deny the smile that made its way to your face. Yeah, you belonged to Izuku and that mark proved it.

“You know what, (king/queen) (f/n), call me whenever you need me. I’ll work for you and ONLY you.” You tilted your head, a curious expression on your face. Dabi was a thief… why would he say that?

“Why? I haven’t done anything.” He shook his head at your words.

“You make me laugh. You’re amusing and I like being around you. Call me whenever you need me. Whether it be stealing a relic or stealing you away from this kingdom.” He gave you a wink before hopping off the balcony and disappearing into the night. What an oddball.

With a smile, you looked up at the sea of stars. Deja vu. You giggled and closed your eyes, whispering to yourself.

“Please let me stay here… please let me be with him.” You felt something fall around your shoulders, and your eyes shot open.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stand out here without one.” Izuku said, with a smile. You giggled and leaned into his arms as he placed a kiss on top of your head. 

“I love you, Izuku.” You said, leaning your head on his chest as you stared out at the city in the distance.

“I love you too, (f/n).”

[kirkwallgremlin]

Giveaway fic #2

For @varric-tethras-editor, featuring her Silvhen Mahariel and Alistair 💚

The music rang through the tavern, lively and spirited, the mood higher than it had been in a long time. Alistair wasn’t used to being in such a public place, full of so many people, and although some part of him worried at being recognised, thrust into yet another dangerous situation, it was nice to have a night like this. A night where they could relax, let their guard down as much as possible, enjoy the progress they had made so far.

A night where they could pretend every day wasn’t putting them closer and closer to danger, towards the archdemon and its ever growing army.

Despite the number of people around them, Alistair was keenly aware that somebody - a few people, really, though one was on his mind more than others - was missing. The party had indulged for once, invested in a few rooms in the tavern, and while Zevran and Alistair had already made their way downstairs, they were the only members of the party who had.

“Relax, my friend,” Zevran said, as Alistair glanced once again at the stairs. “She will be here soon enough.”

Alistair coughed.

“I don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” he said. “I’m just… just wondering what’s keeping her. Them. All of them. As a common courtesy, you know, I...”

He trailed off as Zevran raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well it seems you won’t have to wait for all of them much longer, my friend,” he said and Alistair spun to face the staircase again, his eyes seeking out Silvhen. It seemed she was looking for him too, beaming at him with a wave across the room as their eyes made contact.

The elf looked beautiful, her smile lighting up her whole face, and Alistair felt his breath catch in his throat. He watched her cross the room towards him, people parting to let her through, trying to work out what he should say to her.

Despite his best intentions to tell her exactly how beautiful she looked, his brain hadn’t quite found the words by the time she reached him, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the cheek as a greeting.

“I’ve never seen you in a skirt before,” he blurted out instead, wishing he had found something more eloquent to say as she nodded, her fingers toying with the short strands of hair at the base of her neck.

“First time,” she said, twisting in a way that caused the fabric to swirl around her, Alistair’s eyes watching it move. “Leliana gave it to me. She tried to give me some of her shoes to go with it but they didn’t fit my feet.” She giggled. “I think she was disappointed.”

“You look…” he started, still lost for words as he tried to find the right ones to describe her. Everything he could think of didn’t feel like it did her the justice she deserved. In front of him, Silvhen slowed, her hands nervously smoothing down the fabric as she waited for him to finish.

“You look beautiful,” he said, accepting that maybe the words he wanted, the words he needed to be able to properly describe her, didn’t exist. Silvhen blushed regardless, even if he hadn’t found the words he hoped to find.

“Thank you,” she said, pausing as she looked at him. He opened his mouth again, still not feeling like simply beautiful was adequate, but no new words came.

“I’m not used to wearing it though,” Silvhen giggled. “It makes me feel strangely naked underneath! It’s like I’m not wearing pants!”

Alistair felt his cheeks grow hot at the idea, trying to keep that idea out of his head.

“I’ll get you a drink?” he said instead, attempting to clear his throat with a faint cough, and Silvhen nodded.

It was several drinks later that Alistair found himself sitting by himself by the wall of the tavern, alcohol fogging his thoughts as he watched Silvhen dance, Leliana by her side. Zevran sat across the room, an enraptured audience surrounding him as he regaled them with tales of his past. From what Alistair could hear, it sounded like the truth was stretched enough that it was almost true while keeping the truth of his identity, his history, a secret.

Silvhen slowed her movements ever so slightly as she realised Alistair was watching, a smile breaking out across her face, a face already so filled with joy and affection for the people around her.

It only made her more beautiful.

And despite everything - despite the Blight, the danger that filled their lives - all Alistair could think was how lucky he was that such a woman had come into his life, a woman so beautiful, so filled with joy, dancing with her borrowed skirt swirling around her.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Can u do a ethan x mc proposal but it does not go as planned but finally he proposes and she accepts please😁😁

“I’m not letting you plan date night anymore, because you give the most vague answers,” Naomi yells, her voice coming through string from the en-suite.

“I gave you very adequate information,” Ethan argues.

“You and I have different interpretations then. You won’t tell me where we’re going, you barely gave me a dress code.”

“I’m sorry, aren’t you the one who’s always saying that you look good in everything, no matter the occasion?”

Ethan nervously pats his jacket pocket for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. The small black ring box from Harry Winston is still there, and a bit of his anxiety ebbs away.

The ring has been burning a hole through his proverbial pocket from the moment it was purchased. There have been multiple occasions that Ethan has had to stop himself from blurting out, “Will you marry me?” to his unsuspecting girlfriend: while they’re eating dinner, on their way to work, in the middle of their dumb bickering.

So he’s been meticulously planning this proposal for 2 months now, and he has everything planned to a tee. It starts with dinner at one of Naomi’s favorite seafood restaurants downtown (he has an in with the owner and head chef), then they take a stroll through Boston Common and the Public Garden, admiring the ducks, smelling the roses before he eventually proposes. Ethan is a perfectionist and he wants the night to be perfect. He wants something they can look back on 10 years from now, 20 years from now with fondness, because Naomi deserves nothing less than that.

“I look amazing no matter the occasion,” Naomi quips. She steps out of the en-suite, and Ethan catches her slipping on a few bracelets. “But are we going to be by the water? Are these heels appropriate? Will I need a jacket?”

Ethan looks her up and down quickly, deciding that the faux leather skirt and sweater she’s wearing is a good enough outfit. “You look great, and the weather is perfect, you don’t need a jacket.”

“You better not just be saying that to rush me out the front door.”

That’s a good point, and one he hadn’t thought of yet. Ethan checks the time on his watch and inhales sharply. Their reservation is in 40 minutes, and it’s a Saturday night in Boston, so he expects congestion downtown. “Speaking of that, we need to go.”

“Alright, give me a few more minutes, Ramsey.”

“No, we need to go now, Naomi.”

Naomi knows her boyfriend is a stickler for order, but he’s been riding her ass all day over this date night. He’s never been this fussy before.

She saunters over to him, making a point to sway her hips as she does so. As soon as she’s within touching distance, Ethan wraps an arm around her waist as he pulls her close.

“We’re going to have a nice night tonight,” Naomi says. She presses her thumb to his forehead and massages away the worry lines. “You made me get all dolled up, and I flat ironed my hair, so I’m willing it into existence in hopes that my effort was not in vain.” Ethan doesn’t say anything but the corner of his mouth flits up, and Naomi counts it as a smile. “Now, can you stop being such a fuddy duddy?”

Ethan rolls his eyes at her immature vocabulary, but he nods nonetheless. “Only for you.”

“Good.” Naomi gives him a quick peck on the lips and pulls away before he can deepen it. “Now, let me put on my shoes and we can head out.”

~v~

“I’m sorry, we don’t have any reservations for Ethan Ramsey tonight.”

As soon as the words leave the host’s mouth, Ethan feels the blood in his veins pulsing with rage. There’s no way that’s possible, seeing as he made the reservation well over a month ago. 

“Check again,” Ethan grits out. The host stammers a bit, but he listens to the command nonetheless.

Naomi bites the inside of her cheek as she watches the scene play out in front of her. Ethan’s using his attending voice, the voice reserved for combative patients and interns.

“Again, there’s no reservation for you,” the host stammers. “Maybe, you picked a different–”

The young guy doesn’t even get to finish that thought, because Ethan shoots him a glare sharp enough to cut through steel.

“I didn’t ask for you to come up with any ideas on your own,” Ethan says, his jaw clenching so tight, it's a miracle it doesn’t snap. “What I need you to do is simply call Frank and tell him that Ethan Ramsey wants to speak with him.”

Frank, the owner of the restaurant and a former patient of Ethan’s, should be able to sort this all out.

A few minutes later, Ethan spots Frank walking towards the front of the restaurant. The two men lock eyes and Frank stops dead in his tracks upon seeing Ethan. He quickly schools his features, plastering a wide smile on his face before he approaches.

“Dr. Ramsey, so lovely to see you!”

Ethan isn’t feeling as friendly. He doesn’t return the smile or the pleasantries, just taking a few confident strides over to Frank, ushering him to a quiet corner. “Frank, remember when I personally spoke to you over a month ago and I told you I planned to propose tonight? I told you I wanted a reservation, and you told me that you’d personally see to it that I have the best seat in the house?”

Frank swallows hard and averts his gaze. Looking into the eyes of a pissed off Ethan Ramsey is something like staring at Medusa head-on. “I did say that, yes,” he concedes.

“So flash forward to tonight, why am I being told that there’s no reservation?”

“I apologize, Doctor. There’s clearly been a breakdown of communication between myself and my staff, and I take full responsibility.”

“As you should!” Ethan snaps. His voice goes up an octave, and a few patrons of the restaurant turn in his direction, startled by the outburst.

Okay, so being 38 years old and throwing a tantrum in public isn’t his best look. Taking a deep breath, Ethan counts to 3 and tries to regain his composure. So there’s no reservation, but maybe there’s a way this night can be salvaged.

“Well, just give us an available table, any one will do,” Ethan says. Franks wrings his hands together and Ethan doesn’t like the sight of it one bit.

“Unfortunately, we are fully booked for the evening.” Ethan’s nostrils flare and there’s a slight ringing in his ears at the admission. “But I can squeeze you in next weekend, at any time you want! And for the inconvenience, it’ll be on the house for you and the lovely lady.”

“If you think I’m ever stepping foot in this place ever again, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Ethan walks off and takes Naomi’s hand. She looks up at him, her gaze soft. “What happened?”

“They somehow forgot I made a reservation for tonight,” Ethan grumbles. “And we can't get a table because it’s packed. I’m sorry.”

Naomi frowns and squeezes Ethan’s hand. “Well it’s not your fault, so you don’t have to apologize to me. It’s their loss. I’m sorry because it’s clear that you put a lot of thought into this date night.”

She doesn’t even know the half of it, Ethan thinks to himself.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Naomi adds, tugging on her boyfriend.

“Where are we going?”

“A place with a lot less pomp and circumstance.”

They end up in a hole in the wall lobster shack near the harbor, eating lobster rolls and sharing a bowl of clam chowder. They’re the most overdressed couple visiting the establishment, earning interesting stares from the other patrons.

“You and I are slightly overdressed,” Ethan teases, awkwardly tugging the collar of his button-down.

Naomi looks around and then at herself before laughing. “I think I’m going to keep a spare change of clothes in your car just for nights like this. But I think we look very good. It’s always nice to not have to wear scrubs.”

“Again, I’m sorry about the reservation at Frank’s not working out. I know it’s one of your favorite restaurants.”

“True, but I’ll survive. For now, I’m content just being here with you.” Ethan watches as Naomi opens a pack of saltine crackers, crushes them in the palm of her hand and pours them into the bowl of chowder. He pulls a face, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by the young resident.

“I can feel you judging me, Ramsey,” Naomi says.

“I’m just observing your messy eating habits, Valentine,” he shoots back. He briefly wonders if she’ll want to keep her maiden name. Will she stay Dr. Valentine? Dr. Ramsey? Dr. Valentine-Ramsey? It’s an outdated tradition, adopting a new last name upon marriage, but the thought of her becoming Naomi Ramsey makes him excited. It rolls off the tongue rather nicely.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at her, but now Naomi is looking back at him. “Hello, earth to Ethan.”

It snaps him out of his daze and he blinks a few times in an attempt to regain his bearings. “Huh?”

“You keep staring at me. Do I have something on my face?”

“No, you’re fine. I guess I just got caught up in looking at you.”

Even though the lighting in the lobster shack is dim, Ethan can still see the apples of Naomi’s cheeks turning red.

While things at the restaurant didn’t turn out like he planned, this, just being here with Naomi as she devours the clam chowder that they were supposed to share, feels extremely right.

His hand tingles and the urge to whip out the ring box, right here, right now is strong. Just do it!

Don’t even think about it!

Stop being an idiot and ask her already!

The tiny voice in his head only grows louder the more seconds tick on. Impulsively, he reaches forward and grabs Naomi’s hand, stopping her from bringing her spoon to her mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Naomi says back. “But can you not grab my hand while I’m trying to eat?”

Ethan drops her hand quickly, flushing as he does so. “I wanted to take you out tonight because I wanted to celebrate with you. This past year and a half has been–”

“Help! Help!”

The shrill cry cuts Ethan short and he head snaps around to find the source of the noise. He sees a woman frantically standing over a coughing man. The man is clutching his throat, his face turning an ugly shade of purple. He’s choking.

Naomi and Ethan lock eyes with each other before they both abandon their table and rush forward to help, never able to turn off the fact that they’re doctors.

Ethan sighs, as the moment has been thoroughly ruined. So maybe proposing in the lobster shack won’t be happening.

~v~

So dinner was a bust two times over for the evening, but Ethan tries his hardest to stay optimistic. It’s a beautiful night, the weather is calm, and the Common is surprisingly sparse for a weekend night, so he and Naomi don’t have to deal with too many people.

“This has been an eventful night,” Ethan says.

“You mean you don’t get turned away from a 4-star restaurant and then perform the Heimlich on lobster shack patrons every day?”

“No, it’s usually one or the other. More of the life saving, less getting turned away at restaurants.”

“Well, at least I’ll have an interesting story to tell my friends at work.”

They stop at a bench, right in front of the giant weeping willow, Naomi’s favorite part of the park and sit down. She rests her head on his shoulder, sighing deeply.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting tired already?”

“It was a long week at work,” Naomi says, feeling the need to defend herself. “My boss has been working me like crazy. Not to mention, it’s been a busy day.”

Ethan chuckles and kisses the top of her head, inhaling the scent of shampoo. “Your boss sounds like a real piece of work.”

“Yes, but I let him get away with it because I love him.”

“He’s sounds like a lucky man.”

“He is.”

A family of ducks trots past their feet, earning a few coos and smiles from Naomi, though she otherwise leaves them alone to roam.

A comfortable silence settles between the two of them, neither one of them deeming it necessary to speak. Finally after all of the chaos the past few hours threw at them, it’s nice to just sit in quiet.

Is now finally a good time? Ethan thinks to himself. Surely nothing else can impede on the proposal, as the universe has screwed with him enough for one night.

The wind picks up slightly, a strong gusts makes a few tendrils of Naomi’s hair fly into her face, and she huddles closer to him, trying to steal his body heat. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, holding her tight against him.

“I’ve been driving myself crazy all day trying to think of a way to broach this with you,” Ethan starts, breaking the silence.

“Broach what?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. Mostly about us, especially with you being in your third year of residency, and how our future might look because of that.”

The hair on the back of her neck stands up, but Naomi doesn’t fully know why. Why does Ethan want to talk about their future? Why did he feel the need to take her out on the date in order to start the conversation?

The wind picks up again, and this time, Naomi hears thunder clap somewhere close by. “Is it supposed to rain tonight?”

“What? No.” Ethan checked the weather more times than he’d care to admit. It’s supposed to be a perfect evening in Boston.

“Are you sure?” 

Naomi sounds skeptical, and Ethan huffs. “Rookie, trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve done today, it’s check weather reports.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Ethan feels it. A single drop of moisture hits his cheek.

It doesn’t take long after that first raindrop for the others to come. In a quick burst, the rain falls, harsh and heavy.

Naomi shrieks and stands up, trying to look for shelter. Ethan isn’t as quick as she is, as he’s still stuck on the fact that it’s raining.

The pure absurdity of the day is so ridiculous, and a low chuckle forms low in his throat until he’s actually laughing. He laughs hard, the force of it actually making him clutch his side.

Ethan looks up at the sky, uncaring that the rain is pelting him relentlessly. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Ethan, what are you doing?” Naomi asks. “You’re going to get soaked!”

“My car is on the other side of the park, we’re going to get soaked regardless.”

“So you want to, what? Just sit in the rain?”

“Yes.”

“Come on, now isn’t the time for petulance,” Naomi says. She grabs Ethan’s hand and tries to tug him up, but he doesn’t budge.

“No. I have spent weeks trying to plan the perfect date for you, and it’s been a shitshow from start to finish. For some reason, the universe has decided that today isn’t my day, so instead of fighting it, I’m going to lean into it.”

Naomi rolls her eyes. Ethan has been beating himself up over this night not going the way he wanted it to, and she doesn’t understand why. Yes, Naomi likes fancy restaurants as much as the next girl, but she’s never been a high maintenance diva, nor has she ever demanded that Ethan be perfect. 

“Why have you been putting so much pressure on tonight?” Naomi asks.

“For you!”

“I never asked you to! Now stop being such a baby and let’s go home!”

Ethan sighs and drudges himself up. His now soaking wet clothes make the task more difficult than it should be as now he feels 10 pounds heavier.

“I’m not being a baby,” Ethan argues.

“You’re acting like one.”

“You’re a blanket hog.”

The statement is so random, it makes Naomi do a double take. “What?”

“You’re a blanket hog,” Ethan repeats. “And you always put your freezing cold feet on mine when we’re in bed. You have a terrible singing voice, but I love listening to you when we’re at home. Your grooming products have completely taken over my bathroom, and it’s fine, because I love the smell of whatever fruity shower gel you use. You spend way too much time watching inaccurate medical dramas for a woman that graduated top of her class at Johns Hopkins. You steal my food, as evidenced by the fact that you completely hijacked the clam chowder we were sharing. You drive me insane, and it’s been that way from the moment we met, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I love you.”

“I love the way your nose crinkles when you smile. I love the way you speak French when you’re mad at me. I love that you spoil Jenner. I love how passionate you are and how you’re willing to fight for people you care about, especially your patients. I love that you aren’t afraid to challenge me, whether it’s about work or something at home. I love that you have always believed in me, even when I was so stupid to believe in myself.”

Ethan reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small ring box before dropping down on one knee. Just seeing him do that is enough to earn a gasp of shock from Naomi.

“Ethan?” She can’t breathe. She can’t think. The only thing Naomi can hear is the sound of her beating heart. “What’s in the box?”

“What do you think is in the box?”

“I think it’s an engagement ring.” With trembling fingers, Ethan slowly opens the box, revealing the stunning 4 carat cushion cut diamond.

“You’d be correct.”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you!”

“Oh no. After all the trouble I went through, you have to let me get through my entire speech.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t see you coming at all. I wasn’t looking for love when you came into my life, and I was quite content being single. But little by little, you broke through and made yourself a permanent fixture in my life, and I’ve been all the better for it. You have all of me, mind, body, and soul, and usually the thought of relinquishing so much control terrifies me, but not with you. You are smart, and kind, and outspoken, and beautiful, and compassionate, and I don’t know what I did in this lifetime or the last one to deserve you, but I intend on spending the rest of my days being someone worthy of you. So, Naomi Marie Valentine, will you marry me?”

The tears are flowing freely, and Naomi can hardly see anymore, but she nods nonetheless. “Y-yes!”

“Yes?”

“Yes!”

Ethan doesn’t waste another second, plucking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto Naomi’s left ring finger. Once the ring is securely on, he stands up and wraps his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air slightly.

As soon as her feet are back on the ground and she’s steady again, Naomi grabs Ethan’s face and pulls him into a kiss. Neither of them seem to mind the fact that it’s still pouring, the cold rain seeping through their clothes.

“I love you,” Naomi says quickly, before pulling Ethan into another kiss.

“I love you too.”

“And though things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to, this proposal was perfect.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Because of this, I got my cliche kiss in the rain.”

Ethan smiles. He hadn’t thought of it like that. “That’s true.”

“And think about it, I think this will be a much more interesting story to tell our future kids someday.”

“You make some excellent points, future Missus Ramsey.”

A thrill courses through her at the name. “Mhmm, I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because that’s what I’m going to be calling you for the rest of our lives.”

~v~

Tags: @aylamreads @fanmantrashcan @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @writinghereandthere @paulfwesley @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramsey @the-soot-sprite @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @trappedinfandoms @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @theeccentricbibliophile @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @whatchique @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @mvalentine @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey 

[freckledoriya]

“rest and ice” (izuku midoriya x reader)

PAIRING: izuku midoriya x reader WARNINGS: none, just fluff! WORD COUNT: 1.9k

LINKS: ao3 | masterlist | requests are OPEN!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this is my second fic for @bnhabookclub bingo (for the “taking walks” space)! see my bingo masterlist here. a big thanks to @gallickingun who came up with this idea. also, this is the first time that i’m including a tag list, so i’m sorry ahead of time if you want to be removed, just message me! 

“I think I’m gonna pass out,” you groan, the hot afternoon sun beating down your neck as you continue climbing the hiking path ahead of you. “Who the hell suggested a hike as an agency team-building exercise?”’

Your co-worker Izuku Midoriya walks beside you, beginning to look more and more concerned about your physical well-being. He was kind enough to stay back with you as the rest of your team climbed at a steadier, faster pace.

He reaches into his yellow backpack and hands you a water bottle. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You gladly take the bottle and pour a little on the back of your neck. 

“I’m fine,” you huff. “We’re pro-heroes, I should be able to take a walk.” 

Midoriya tries not to turn red as he watches the water you poured slowly trickle down your heated skin. “I-It’s more than a walk, it’s a steep trail we’re going up! You should go easier on yourself.” 

This isn’t the first time today where you’re thankful your sunburnt skin is hiding the fact that you’re blushing. The first time is attributed to when you saw your long-term crush staying back to walk with you when you started falling behind everyone else during this hike.

You’ve had a “thing” for Izuku ever since the two of you were in high school together, but an even mix of anxiety paired with the pressures of school meant that your feelings were left unsaid. Years later, when you saw that he would be working at the same agency as you, your stomach did flips. Was this some kind of sign from the universe that you should shoot your shot? But, of course, that was over a year ago, and feelings were still left unsaid. 

You consider this as you kick a rock ahead of you on the trail. If the universe really wanted the two of you together, would it hurt it to be a bit more forward with the signs? 

“Watch out!” Midoriya calls out to you, attempting to reach for your arm before you trip over a tree branch, hitting the soil hard. You attempt to stand up, but the pain in your ankle causes you to fall back over. 

“Are you okay?!” Izuku asks frantically, eyes scanning over your body looking for injuries. 

“Yeah,” you say as you sit up. “I think I just twisted my ankle wrong.”

“We should get help. I’ll call-”

“I’m fine,” you interrupt, coming off much sterner than you intended. You immediately feel regret as you see him wince at your words. “I mean, I think I just sprained it. It’ll be okay.” 

He glances at your swelling ankle. “Can you walk?”

You figure he’s just asking to be polite, pretending that he didn’t see you trying to get up and stumbling over yourself. Sighing, you look to the side, trying to avoid eye contact. Because how much more utterly embarrassing could this situation get? You’re a pro hero and yet you still found a way to fall and hurt yourself from tripping over a tree branch. And on top of all that, it was in front of your crush, the number one hero. Someone who has much better things to do than babysit you, a person who is obviously less adequate. 

Midoriya interrupts your self-deprecating internal monologue by gently grabbing your arm and putting it around his shoulders, helping lift you off the ground. The closeness of him makes you dizzy. The smell of his sweat and cologne has you forgetting where you are for a second; your mind choosing to focus on the way his scarred hands hold you steady. You could have broken your ankle in two and you’d still be on cloud nine right now.

“Let’s get you back to my car and I can drive you home,” Midoriya says as he begins walking, trying hard not to combust at the sensation of having you so close. 

Because of course he likes you back. Of course, he finds you utterly magnificent, someone who he can’t help but feel completely enamored by. Hell, he even made sure to recommend you for the agency he was assigned to after high school. You were a fantastic hero that was completely qualified to work there, but mostly he couldn’t fathom an existence without seeing you almost every day. Still, he was terrified of opening up about any of his true feelings and had begun to accept the current reality of your relationship. 

“Midoriya,” you say as you shake your head clear of the haze caused by his proximity. “If you drive me home, how am I suppose to get my car back?”

He immediately starts blushing, trying his best to keep his eyes focused on the trail ahead, and not getting lost in the glimmer of your eyes. “W-Well, I guess I’ll just have to come pick you up again tomorrow... once your ankle is all better.” 

You can’t help but smile as the butterflies in your stomach flutter at the mention of spending more time with him. Izuku walks you back to his car, carefully balancing your body weight onto his. He offers to carry you, but you insist on limping alongside him rather than being carried, mostly because the thought of you being pressed up against his chest, his strong arms wrapped around your body, it would all be too much to handle.

When you arrive back at your apartment, Midoriya springs into action.

“Make sure to keep it elevated,” he says as he helps you lie down on the couch. He grabs a pillow and carefully props your ankle up. “And rest and ice. Do you have ice in your freezer? If not I can run to the store and get some. I really don’t mind. Oh! And we should be compressing it too. Do you have a wrap or-”

“Midoriya!” you interrupt him before he can start muttering (even though you find it positively charming). “I have ice in the freezer and a first aid kit with some gauze in the kitchen, top shelf on the right.” 

He smiles and nods before quickly scurrying off to the kitchen to retrieve the supplies. As you lie on the couch you try your best not to show how elated you feel right now. Maybe it’s some kind of adrenaline running through your veins from the injury. Or maybe it’s the fact that your long-term crush is in your apartment and taking care of you. Probably the latter. Either way, you have to bite your lip to contain your desire to smile and squeal. 

Izuku returns with a bag filled with ice and a roll of compression tape. He kneels down before starting to expertly wrap your ankle. You can’t tell if it’s the bag of ice next to you or the way his calloused fingers gently run across your skin that gives you goosebumps. 

“Remember that time in high school, when we had to take that hero first aid course?” Midoriya asks, smiling.

“Yeah, weren’t we partners one day for that?” you reply, smiling back at the memory. Of course, you had remembered. It was CPR training, and you’ll never forget the feeling of being jealous of an inanimate medical dummy as Midoriya practiced giving breath to it. Imagining his lips brushing up against yours instead of a plastic and rubber manikin supplied you with daydreaming material for months. 

“Yeah!” he says, finishing up wrapping your ankle. “High school was tough, but sometimes I miss it…”

You sigh. “I know what you mean. Part of me is so thrilled to be out and done, but another part of me misses the simplicity of it. Y’know, when all I had to worry about was homework and crushes, not making rent.” 

Izuku lets out a small laugh with a knowing nod before suddenly looking over to you. “Wait… you had a crush? W-Who was it?”

Your heart drops when you realize what he’s asking. “Uh.. n-no one really.”

“Oh,” he says, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Let’s order dinner!” you blurt out, desperate to change the topic of conversation. 

“Dinner?”

“Yeah, it’s the least I can do to say thank you for helping me out today.”

Midoriya blushes. “It really was no bother. You would have done the same.”

“No way would you have tripped over a tree branch and hurt yourself, though,” you point out.

He laughs and shrugs. “You’d be surprised.” 

There’s a beat and you start to feel an odd sensation: the feeling of words traveling from your heart to your mouth, pushing to be said.

“Well, you do have a track record of surprising me.”

“I do?” he asks, adorably tilting his head to one side. 

You smile and start to pick nervously at your cuticles, feeling yourself begin to reveal emotions that you had concealed for years and years. 

“You’re quite the amazing man, Izuku Midoriya… every time I think you can’t get any more incredible, you prove me wrong. Not just as a hero, but as a person. I’m really amazed by you.”

Your words leave Izuku speechless, his face turning ten shades of red. You immediately start to feel dread, wishing you could take those words you said that are hanging in the air and shove them back down your throat. Midoriya must sense your regret, as he quickly waves his hands and starts stuttering. 

“T-Thank you so much! I mean, that really means a lot! I really like you too. Er, not that you told me you liked me or anything. I just mean that you’re a really amazing person too and I-”

You can’t help but feel elated as he mutters, seeing for the first time that your feelings of adoration might not be as unrequited as you once thought.  

You interrupt him by putting your hand on his and smile. “Let’s just have dinner.”

The two of you end up ordering from one of your favorite takeout restaurants. You stay up late reminiscing about high school over dinner, laughing at some memories, solemnly nodding at others. Neither one of you is ready for the night to be over when you finish dinner, electing instead to put on a cheesy hero movie you both can quote. 

The night ends with the two of you beginning to fall asleep on the couch with the movie still playing, your head resting on Izuku’s shoulder and his hand on top of yours.

“Midoriya,” you sleepily look up at him.

He cracks open his tired eyes and looks at you. When he notices how close he is to you he begins to move away, but you’re not having any of that. You grab his arm and pull him even closer, breathing in the scent of him. 

“Let’s take a walk on that hiking path again someday, okay? When my ankle is all better?”

Izuku smiles. “It’s a date.”  

TAG LIST: @gallickingun @prismaroyal @wesparklebitch @bnha-violetnote @sunflower-kami-boi @shoutosteakettle @strwbrry-lia @ee-blue @shoutodoki @sadistiks @knifeewifee @viceofaladriel @saltie @khemz1312 @frenchspeakingfilipina @tessaisalbright @katsumi-kaminari @pixxiesdust

[fairiesherefairiesthere]

Of gods, demons and the longevity of true love.

My entry for the last day of fraxusweek hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus !!!

Prompt: Tarot/Legends and Mythology

"What are those things still doing around here?" Laxus asks brazenly, watching a few demons scurry away with disdain clear in his eyes. His grandfather, ever the spineless pacifist twacks his kneecaps with his walking stick before answering. "You young insolent fool. They are an integral part of our society."

Before the old man can continue his explanation, Laxus scoffs. "Are they though?" he asks, not willing to hear a possible answer. "I fought with that lightning demon earlier and his power is laughable. I could've killed him and taken over his domain and the world would've kept on turning. They're evil beings without a purpose, you should've just got rid of them a long time ago."

Rest of the fic under the cut!

"Laxus." His grandfather's voice has taken on that specific kind of tone that suggests that he's more than displeased at his opinion, but Laxus can't bring himself to care. In a world of gods, demons and humans, are the demons really needed? Didn't his grandfather wage a war on them because they kept corrupting humans? His grandfather is a contradicting fool, really.

"What. All they're good for is corruption, right? We can live without that."

"Is that truly what you think?" his grandfather asks and Laxus snorts in response. "Have you raised me to think otherwise?" When he gets no immediate answer, he rolls his eyes and turns to leave. "Laxus wait", his grandfathers gently orders him and gestures for him to sit down next to him. He doesn't do that, unwilling to give the old man that much, but he does halt his stride and turn around.

"I used to think like that", his grandfather confesses as though it's a surprise, as though that sentiment isn't alive and thriving. "But I changed my mind after I experienced their so-called corruption myself. It's not what you think it is and I implore you to do the same thing before saying such callous things." He pauses as though the silence would fortify his statement. "You're full of shit", Laxus answers pointedly, having heard enough. He doesn't bid his grandfather goodbye as he leaves. That day, it storms and lightning wreaks havoc upon the unsuspecting townspeople.

The next day, he has the pleasure to explain the reasons behind his little lightning spectacle to the goddess of script, words, letters, alphabets yada yada, he isn't that interested. He also doesn't get why she's so insistent on writing everything down, keeping logs of all godly activity. It's annoying. She keeps blabbering about immortalising the gods through words, but doesn't their innate immortality defy that? Interrupting her spiel about the importance of script, he asks her a question that's been weighing on his mind.

"Tiny," ignoring the indignant squeak escaping her he continues, "You're smart right? What's your opinion on demons?" Immediately, the shift in the mood becomes palpable. With a nervous chuckle, she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ears. "Well...", she starts and coughs akwardly. "That's quite the loaded question, isn't it?"

He gets her unease. The war between demons and gods had started eons ago and had only come to a sudden stop recently. Outwardly, the gods all seemed to have become all fine and dandy with demons being allowed to interact with them and humans, but they both know the that isn't the truth. The message of 'demons are totes a-okay!' is so recent and none of them truly believe it. But not a single person can go against Makarov's wishes, so they take part in the façade.

Seeing her discomfort, he inwardly sighs. Although he won't deny that he's an asshole, it takes a whole different kind of asshole to force an answer out of petite Levy who looks like she could be snapped in half by him. Furthermore, she'd have to put this conversation in her records and probably have another moral breakdown. "Never mind it squirt, you keep doing your thing", he says and ruffles her hair while she bravely tries to fend him off. She still ends up with a bird's nest though.

Realising that no one's going to share their opinions of the other camp, he decides to take the easy way out. Instead, he decides to march straight into the other camp. If you want to know something, the best way is to get it directly from the source, right?

Apparently, it isn't. Little demon children (it's disturbing how innocence and something vile can coexist like that) quickly hide behind their mother's skirt as he walks between them. Conversations fall silent and only slowly pick up again when they think he's out of earshot. He's always taken pride in his grand stature, but right now it feels horribly out of place and he wonders if there's anything he can do to make himself look smaller, to not frighten these people as much.

The obvious discomfort his presence brings isn't worth it to him. Sure, he could keep forcing himself into their space, but he'd garner no positive results. He's quite sure he wouldn't even garner any results at all, since no one wanted to approach him. Realising this, he turns around to go back to the palace.

His grandfather finds him sitting on the edge of an open window, mulling over his thoughts and wondering how to change his approach. Those things seemed to be scared, something that doesn't add up in Laxus' head. Were they not the ones who turned humans against gods? Were they not the enemy? Were they shoving the most innocent of them to the forefront so that, upon entering their domain, outsiders would see them as guiltless beings?

"If you keep that, you'll damage whatever brains you have left", his grandfather teases him as he comes to stand next to Laxus. Rolling his eyes, he merely grunts at his grandfather in return. "What's got you thinking so hard my boy?" he asks and for a moment, Laxus closes his eyes and lets the warmth of his grandfather's voice trickle over him. For the briefest of moments, it's nice to pretend he's still a newly made god who thinks he knows how everything works.

"I went to visit those things-"

"At least call them people", his grandfather interrupts him and with a sigh, Laxus does so and continues. "I visited them", he says, eyes full of challenge, but his grandfather merely nods encouragingly. "I still can't see why you keep them around. They're more trouble than they're worth."

"I figured that you'd say that, so I arranged for a very special meeting. Do you want to meet the demon that changed my mind and made me spare their whole kind in the midst of a battle?" Because it seems like the only option left to satisfy his curiosity, Laxus agrees. While they walk through the castle in search of him, his grandfather explains who the demon in question is. Apparently, he could be seen as Levy's demon counterpart when comparing the domains they rule over. Laxus wonders what kind of words the demon must've pulled out of his ass to convince his grandfather to not kill them all.

After listening to his grandfather's long and winded character introduction, Laxus had expected a meeting with an old, gray man who constantly spouted unwanted advice like a fountain of fortune cookies. A single look at the young man before him proves him completely wrong.

He's definitely not old, in fact, his youthful face seems to suggest that he's younger than Laxus himself. There's a hint of muted curiosity there, suppressed childlike wonder that Laxus himself feels too. Because Laxus is focusing on the other man's looks that much, he quickly comes to the realisation that the man in front of him is devastatingly handsome. As soon as the realisation hits him, he colours a bright red and redirects his gaze to the very interesting tips of his shoes.

A deep chuckle makes his gaze snap back to the other man who gives him an amused halfsmirk. It's terribly attractive. Clearing his throat, his grandfather gestures to the man. "Laxus, meet the demon who rules over the scripts, speaks all tongues-"

"Freed", the man interrupts and offers Laxus his hand. Awkwardly Laxus accepts it while his grandfather frowns. "What are you freed from?" Laxus asks and immediately, his grandfather groans. The gorgeous man in front of him simply laughs, pretty lights dancing in his visible eye. "Freed is my name", he clarifies and Laxus wishes he was the god of being able to be swallowed by floors.

"What brings you here?", he asks Laxus. Not wanting to be ignored, his grandfather steps in. "Laxus wanted to know what demons were worth and I believe you would be the perfect person to show him that."

With a cool smile, Freed turns to his grandfather. "Well then Makarov, you thought wrong. Good day, gentlemen." Then he turns on his heel and departs, leaving both of them stunned. After a while, Makarov coughs. "I'm sure you're smart to figure it out yourself", he encourages Laxus before swiftly taking his exit as well.

Pissed off, Laxus spends the rest of the day making up less than savoury nicknames for Freed. Annoyed that the list of quite creative insults isn't helping him reach his goal any faster, he decides that he can't let this chance escape. Determined to know why demons are still allowed to exist, he hunts the man down. Laxus Dreyar is many things, but a quitter isn't one of them.

Maybe asking "Why are you still allowed to live?" isn't the most polite of questions to start with. Maybe, one shouldn't ever utter those words at all. But Laxus has a mouth that runs quicker than his brain and so, he has wedged himself between a rock and a hard place.

"Why not?" Freed shoots back, not unfriendly per se but there's an edge in his voice, ready to cut at any moment. "Tell me, why must I die?"

It's a question so direct that Laxus fumbles before answering. "You lot are corrupting humans, giving them things they aren't supposed to have. You're crossing boundaries you aren't supposed to cross." It's an adequate enough answer, it's something he's been told all his life.

"Who set those boundaries then?" Freed asks before shaking his head with a little laugh. "And giving humans things? Oh no, we're tricksters my dear, we don't give anyone anything. Surely we might inspire, but we do not give. Every choice one of those little ones down below makes, is one of their own. Don't underestimate the human will. Now please excuse me, I'm done talking for today."

"Wait", Laxus says and grabs the other man's arm, intending to halt his stride. With a brusque movement Freed breaks free and when Laxus catches a glimpse of his eyes, he thinks he's come a lot of steps closer to knowing what the flaming pits of hell look like. That fiery expression is quickly schooled back into careful neutrality as Freed opens his mouth to fire off a snappy remark.

"You're a funny lot, you gods. It's your way or none at all, isn't it? Why? Your hubris knows no bounds." After that, the man's gone before Laxus can ask him to stay.

The following day, Laxus seeks him out again and finds Freed sitting on the edge of an ornate fountain, bared feet dipping into the water as gods stand by and whisper from a distance. "Can I talk to you?" he politely asks and is met with an uncompromising "No".

"I just wanted to apologize", he mumbles and Freed gives him a flat look before disappearing again. Wondering what he did wrong, he spends the rest of his day at the fountain, feet splashing in the water as though he was still a child.

The next day, he once again seeks out Freed, asking if it were an appropriate moment to talk and once more, Freed tells him no. This time Laxus gives him a steady nod before leaving himself. Forcing the other man to talk to him would never work and honestly, Laxus doesn't want to force a relationship with anyone. Should Freed ever want to talk to him, he'd have no problem finding him.

For a few days he doesn't even see Freed until one day, the man pops up on his windowsill, perching on there like a cat basking in the sun. He's gorgeous, Laxus realises once more, with his hair losely draped over a shoulder and dark wings and horns reflecting the sunlight with a gentle shimmer. He's alluring, pulchritudinous. Laxus frowns. That last one is definitely not a word that was in his vocabulary before.

"Am I inspiring you yet?" Freed asks with a wicked grin, sinfully stretching himself on the windowsill. "Are my devilish charms working?" he adds and Laxus nods, a bit stupefied. "Now, you've been meaning to ask me something, right? You want to know why my species and I are allowed to live, why your grandfather decided to spare me on the battlefield."

Another nod. "My grandfather said he decided to spare you after he witnessed your 'corruption' himself. I want to know what words you said, you demon of words, letters, -"

"I said nothing at all", Freed interrupts him softly. "I didn't say a thing as he held me against the ground, knife in one hand with the other one on my throat. I merely cried because I was scared, I wholeheartedly believed I was going to die. My tears hit his hand and in that moment, the god who created all gods looked human."

Sensing the disbelief in Laxus, Freed only shrugs. "I think it's the first time he saw emotions that he hadn't created. You lot were made by him, every god carved to perfection by his hand. Every tear you've shed, every laugh you've laughed, they were implanted in you by him. We demons tempt you to let go of that prefabricated self, to explore your own self. Becoming your own person separated from Makarov's making comes at the price of immortality and thus, humans were born. Gods who were such no more."

With a whistful sigh, Freed shakes his head. "But parents get mad once you escape their tutelage and to protect their children, they will eliminate that which forms a threat to their children. And so the war began and for every child lost, a new one was made on your side. We demons have no almighty creator, we are born from stray magic of mother nature herself. We happen to be. So during one of those battles, I happened to be there and I think the confrontation with genuine emotion made him realise that he was not destroying something of his own making that he could simply rebuild. Just like humans, when we do die, we return to the earth."

It's a bit of a heavy pill to swallow. With an uncomfortable laugh, Laxus rubs the back of his head. "Guess you're not too big of a fan of my grandpa then?" Freed gives him a chuckle in return.

"Definitely no. And also, a bit yes. I just think he's been lonely for a long time and thus, has become very protective over his company. I think he's making strides in the right direction, but he's not unifying anyone. He still expects you all to just follow his wishes, well-intended as they are. But you all have come in contact with us, haven't you? You're not completely his anymore, so you are unable to blindly follow. He should educate you instead of ordering you, but that's just my two cents."

"I'm starting to get it", Laxus carefully says as he mulls over Freed's explanation. "You're allowed to live because nature made you with specific purposes outside my grandfather's realm of ruling. Freed laughs at his scrunched up pensive face and boops his nose.

"We're not even at my true point yet dear. Here's my gripe, my core issue if you want: must have something have a purpose or reason to exist at all? I have already mentioned it, but we demons happen to be and so are humans in a certain way. There's no reason or purpose behind our existance, we are not fabricated with definite goal. You gods were and I think that defines a lot of your thinking. But at our core, isn't simply being enough? Doesn't being give you more freedom to do something, anything than a prefabricated destiny? One should not have a purpose to be allowed to live, but finding purposes in life is what makes it worth living. But even that you, who are immortal, can not grasp. It's a bit pitiful isn't it, a god's existance?" With that and a kiss on the cheek, Freed leaves him to stew in his thoughts.

Once he's talked more about it with Freed over the span over a longer time, the clearer the division becomes between gods, demons and humans. Seeing the obvious divide, Laxus turns to his grandfather with his thoughts and ideas for a unification. Obviously, the old man has difficulties with being confronted by his own mistakes like that, but at least he attempts to do better.

The progress is slow and every once in a while there's a major setback that throws a wrench in the relationship between the demons and the gods. But steadily, over eons, the undercurrent of vicious hatred disappears and it's at that moment that a different union happens. Laxus can't think of a life without this clever, misschievous man at his side and the affections are returned. Their marriage is something that brings the relation between demons and gods to a higher level, evens the playing ground even more.

Whether their opnions be good or not, every god has one on the union. "It really strenghtens their critical thinking, doesn't it?" Freed jokes as he reads one of the letters totally decimating him. "They're absolutely nae nae'ing me."

They exchange a few meaningful glances and Freed breaks the silence first with a sigh. "Every day we stray further from Makarov's light. Everyone has something to say nowadays." He gives Laxus a thoughtful look. "You know what this means, right?"

"Our immortality fades. We become humans."

Freed gives him a hum, confirming his speculations. "Gramps will become lonely again then", Laxus realises and with a heavy heart, he knows he doesn't want that to happen.

"I don't think he'll be around for that long", Freed confesses and presses a kiss to the corner of Laxus' lips to ease the lines of worry there. "Fear not for him my love, he is old and his children have grown up. He has found a purpose that brought him joy and now that purpose has reached it's peak. His life is a fulfilled one, prepare to let him go."

And let go of him they do, eventually. It leaves the gods without power, devoid of immortality but with a new sense of peace. "A parting gift", Freed whispers and Laxus draws his husband into the tightest of hugs. "Should I give you one too, when I eventually die?"

Freed shakes his head. "My dearest love, there's nowhere you can go where I won't follow. You've been feeling it too, haven't you? We're entering a new time, where a divide won't be there anymore. We will simply be humans, all of us."

When the time to fade comes, they know and are ready for it. Everyone's been feeling it, but there's a peace that shields them all  from true fear. There's an intimate knowledge that this is one of the changes that simply is, that simply happens.

Freed and Laxus are sitting hand in hand, with their feet idly splashing into the fountain as unworried children would do. "When we meet again, because there are no ifs about it, will you greet me as a friend?" Freed softly asks as his eyes close themselves and Laxus whispers back: "My love, I'd greet you as a lover."

Bonus:

University lectures aren't always the most interesting, but this one is certainly turning out to be. A guy a few rows before him looks about ready to fistfight the professor about nihilism of all things. He can't properly hear them, but clearly the confrontation is over and the guy whirls away from the prof, heading straight for the door. Laxus decides to follow him.

"Why were you defending a belief that says human life is useless and meaningless? I think we all have a defined purpose", Laxus says, daring the other man the answer.

And answer, he does, with eyes blazing like the gates of hell. "Life is inherently meaningless", he says with certainty, "But that's because it's filled with the opportunity to create your own meaning. You may be waiting for divine intervention, but I'll create my own destiny."

Laxus smiles then, the familiarity and the warmth returning to his soul. "Then I'll do too", he says, "You've always inspired me, my love."

Whether they be human or something else, their kisses keep tasting the same.

[ktheist]

twenty.

chapters: 19 / 20 / 21 

knight!jungkook x princess!reader

x

The room he takes you to is an attic room. There’s a bed and a chair and a window bigger than the one he had in the cell but this was not what you wanted for your knight. You want him to live a free man. You want him to be able to return to the Northern Kingdom and start anew. Perhaps find a woman and start a family. That was the only thing that made you agree to Taehyung’s bargain.

Could he sleep with the raucous on the second floor? The vulgar noises and the thudding of against the walls? The screams and hollers that still managed to pierce through the ceiling?

“Why did you come back?” It came out harsher than you intended and so are your next words, “why didn’t you use the money to buy a land? why - why did you have to find me?”

By the end of it, your voice cracks and your shoulders are shaking from the oncoming waterfall but you keep your back to him. But you should have known that your knight would never interpret your tone to be a hostile one nor would he stand by as he watches his Princess hold back her tears on her own. So it doesn’t come off as a surprise when those arms wrap around you from behind and his cheek caresses your head.

“I didn’t want to be in a place where there’s no you, princes.” 

“But are you happy with where you are right now?” You sniffle, the thought of him smiling at that woman burns at the back of your mind but if that made him happy - if the attention of various women and possibly night companions made him happy - then you’ll accept it.

“I am,” two words. Only two words and that’s all it takes for your heart to sink to the ground but two words is also what it takes for the organ in your chest to skip a beat, “right now. Right here. Because I’m with you.”

A sudden urge to look at him makes you crane your neck to the left,“Jungkook, I-” 

The words die in your throat. The lips that presses on yours are soft and gentle and warm like the first time you kissed them. The arms that hold you promises to cherish and to protect like the vow he took when he swore his allegiance.

“Princess,” he says in between kisses, “princess, I adore you.”

The cloak slips past your shoulders and pool around your feet. You don’t know when his hand snaked to take of the skirt as well whilst you tread backwards until your legs hit the edge of the bed. For the briefest moment, you worry that the bed is going to fall right through the ceiling as he cradles your hips whilst he pulls his shirt over his head.

He shivers under your touch when you reach to trace the scars that mar his skin. There are too many for a man his age. Too much pain and suffering. Jungkook’s hand covers yours, his eyes pleading for you not to do this. Not to feel like it’s your fault that he’s not back at the Northern Kingdom, living his life the way any man his age should.

He makes sure you know that it’s his choice when he leans down to kiss you. And you never question any of it throughout the night. How could you? He kept your mind occupied with other, sinful thoughts.

x

“Lord Park,” you greet the man as he walks into your office, the doors shutting behind him, “what’s the cut off age for boys to train to be a royal guard?”

He seems taken aback at first but that easy smile slips on his face like clockwork, never missing a beat as he replies calmly, “why, that’s a peculiar thing to ask.”

You pretend to sift through the documents on your desk. Coincidentally, you’ve found out he’s the head of security which makes it easier to handle the boy’s retirement. Or so you thought.

“We accept children as young as the age of ten, of course it’s unfortunate that their family had to trade a son for some bread and water but the children are better taken care of here.”

Ah, then no wonder the boy didn’t look at older than seventeen. He must have started training around the age of twelve since it takes approximately five years to acquire the adequate skills to be a royal guard. Wouldn’t it be suspicious if you’d ask Lord Park to let an ordinary guard to retire?

Setting the papers down and studying the man’s expression, you lean back against the chair and cross your legs. You have to resist the heat that rushes to your face as the pain in your legs reminds you of the events of last night.

You clear your throat, schooling a stoic expression as you catch on the big question mark on his face as he wonders about why you summoned him.

“I’ve talked to a few of the guards, it’s as you said, most of them came because their family was too poor to afford to feed another mouth.”

The man waits for you to continue despite the barely noticeable twitch in his smile.

“I want to amend that. No boy below the age of sixteen shall be taken to train as royal guard. The ones who are here now who wants to retire can do so.”

“But your highness,” he interjects, the lines in his forehead tells you that there’s problem, “we’ll be too vulnerable if a portion of the guards retire all at once.”

Nodding, you ponder on what he said. There’s truth in it and Lord Park has been holding the post of head security long before you came. 

“Then we’ll do it according to their age. Those older and enrolled the youngest can retire first and after six months, the second age group and so on.”

“What of the available posts?” He inquires but there’s a stiffness in his tone that tells you he’s not for this idea.

“I’ve reviewed them and it seems we have too many guards doing necessary things like guarding the empty cells or cells that have one or two prisoners only. I see no reason why we shouldn’t gather the prisoners in one place and have the most guards posted there instead.”

Then, he does the most unexpected thing. He challenges your power. “With all due respect, your highness but shouldn’t Prince Taehyung, the soon-to-be King be handling these matters?”

“The King and Queen rule side by side. There’s been precedents where the Queen handled the matter of the country while the King lead the army to victory in their conquest to broaden their influence.” You stare the lord down, it becomes clear that he’s only an ally when his position is not threatened and when the puny little princess needed a help to make peace with the mountain people who only served as a nuisance to the political interest of the nation.

“Her highness is indeed correct,” he bows, “forgive me for stepping out of line just now.”

“You may go,” you inform, back to studying the papers but just before he walks through the doors, you call after him, “oh Lord Park, did you know my knight, Sir Jeon, was released from prison recently?”

The colors drain from his face as he stares back at you. No doubt, it is fear that ties his tongue and chills his bones. It is true that Taehyung had made the orders for Jungkook to be imprisoned but thinking back, it was Lord Park who informed you of the supposed letters from your brother. And it would be unlikely that he didn’t know your knight - that important of a person - was imprisoned in the tower in isolation.

Your threat is crystal clear as  you meet his stare.

“Y-yes, I’ve been told.” He leaves you a complexion whiter than the infamous lady-in-white you’ve been hearing the girls gossip about.

That should be enough of a warning. He’ll know better than to cross the future Queen next time.

[vintagedaydreams]

True Love Never Runs Smoothly Part 4 (Marcus)

@littlebabybatthings​ @amwolowicz​ @waxingmoonstone​

 Here is Part Four for the Marcus story arc! I do sincerely apologize for the delay.

The usual warnings apply - mention of suicide, some cussing, etc.

Enjoy!!

(The Carlisle version of Part Four will be up once it’s complete!)

You finally emerged from your room, your grumbling stomach pushing you to venture out in search of food.

You glanced around warily, still shaken by your dream. Damn brain. As if this wasn’t a bad enough situation – now you were dreaming loving, comforting dreams about who knows who.

Surely you didn’t deserve any of this, right? It wasn’t like you were a horrible person or anything!

“(Y/N),” a voice suddenly greeted from behind you and you yelped, spinning around.

Bella and Edward stood in the corridor, Bella looking at your worriedly, Edward half amused.

“Uh,” you cleared your throat, “hey guys.”

“(Y/N),” Bella said softly. “Are…are you okay?”

You grimaced, thinking back to the dream and how absolutely done you were with this whole situation.

“I’m okay…enough,” you finally sighed.

“How are you feeling?” she pressed, her and Edward both moving closer to you.

Hurt, confused, nervous, anxious, depressed, angry, lonely—“Hungry,” you finally muttered.

Bella opened her mouth to say something, but Edward cut in with, “Come with us. I’m taking Bella to the kitchens to get her something to eat as well.”

Your mind flashed back to the confrontation with Carlisle last time you tried to get food from there and Edward added quietly, “No one will be there, (Y/N). Just the three of us.”

You nodded, sweeping out a hand halfheartedly. “Lead the way, tour guide.”

Edward gave a small smile and you all started down the castle corridor. The doors to a room you assumed was the kitchen had just come into view when Edward suddenly spoke up, “Bella and I are not Bond Mates.”

You jerked your head over to look at the two of them, thrown by the sudden conversation starter. “What?”

“It’s true,” Bella said with a small smile, picking up the conversation after a glance at Edward. “Marcus has the ability to see relationship bonds and can tell what kind they are. Not every vampire has a Bond Mate – hence why they’re so sacred. But those that don’t are still capable of finding love. Very deep, strong love.”

“Like you and Edward,” you said softly.

“Yes. Like me and Edward.”

“When did you become an expert in vampire bonds, then?” you asked after a moment as you all ducked into the kitchen.

“She’s been asking a lot of questions and gathering intel since we’ve both decided to disown my family until they get their act together,” Edward answered smoothly before Bella could.

A deafening silence rang out through the kitchen.

“You…what?” you finally managed to get your mouth to work.

“Well, we were going to tell you with a little more finesse,” Bella replied, “but this works, I guess. I’m not sure what Carlisle is playing at, but everyone in the family has treated you horribly. And that’s not right. Rosalie wasn’t even this horrible to me when Edward started up with me and he has less of an excuse for falling for a human.

I mean, with Edward and I not being Bond Mates, I can kind of understand that Carlisle and Esme love each other, okay sure. But Carlisle lived with the Volturi for decades. I find it hard to believe that he not once was told he had a Bond Mate, especially with how sacred they are in the Vampire world. And even if he did love only Esme, and would only love Esme no matter what, that does not excuse the way that he’s been treating you. I’ve lost a lot of respect for the ‘human loving’ vampire that he claims to be. He’s one of the worst of the lot, especially since the family takes their cues from him. If he would just man up and get to know you, or at least tell them to quit being complete and utter assholes, he might have a smidgen of my respect still.”

You were wide eyed by the end of Bella’s rant. You looked from her somewhat red faced and breathless form to where Edward had quietly started to get breakfast items gathered on the counter.

“She’s not wrong,” the bronze haired vampire said with a gentle look to you. You felt your eyes instantly fill with tears and mentally cursed at him. So much for no more tears. You should have been dehydrated by now.

“I don’t…I mean why…How are…”

“(Y/N),” Bella said firmly, taking charge once again and leading you over to sit at the table in the middle of the room. “You are my friend. You helped me so much when Edward left. You are more important to me than a family who can so easily turn on someone who should be one of their own. Quit questioning it. Edward and I are here for you. And we always will be. Besides,” she said with a wicked grin, “I have some ideas for how we can get them back. And a few of them include Marcus.”

You choked on your next breath and Edward lightly scolded Bella from where he was cooking on stove.

Bella took it all in stride, waiting until Edward was finished before saying, “Half of these were your ideas, Edward. Besides, you were the one who dropped the ‘we’ve disowned the family’ bombshell suddenly. Don’t act all coy now.”

You looked back and forth from Edward to Bella as they bantered back and forth, feeling yourself settle and a small smile take over your face.

At least this was still the same.

Edward served both you and Bella breakfast and thankfully, he steered the conversation to random things – what the castle looked like, the gardens, how he and Bella were actually being accepted wholeheartedly into the Volturi, the library, the shops and stores that he and Bella had explored after sunset – instead of anything to do with Carlisle and family.

And you were so grateful, you couldn’t even put it into words. So instead you just sent warm fuzzy thoughts to the mind reader, hoping he’d get the picture.

The soft look he gave you said that he did.

It wasn’t until you three were walking down the corridor from the kitchen that Bella brought up Marcus.

Your somewhat horrified look at her question, “So what do you think of Marcus?”, made her laugh lightly.

“The Queens think you would be a perfect match,” the brunette continued with a sly smile and you choked on air.

“What?” You had thought that Athenodora had been just trying to prove a point, not actually being serious!

Bella cast a glance at Edward who sighed and nodded. “It is true, (Y/N),” he said with a slight smile. “Queen Athenodora did brush up against me and her thoughts were all centered on finding happiness for Marcus. And you featured prominently in all of them.”

You gaped at Edward, mind running a mile a minute. Didn’t you have enough on your plate with Carlisle without trying to think about the…attentions of any other vampire? And if you weren’t good enough for your Bond Mate for crying out loud, the most sacred and revered bond in the entire vampire world, what made any of them think you were good enough for one of the Kings?

A low growl broke through your thoughts and you had a very brief flashback of that night in the throne room, before Edward was speaking to you.

“You are more than enough, (Y/N). My sire is an idiot.”

“Eddie,” you started lowly, shocked that he had called Carlisle his sire and not his father, but Edward continued on as if you hadn’t spoken at all.

“Bella and I have talked about this a lot, (Y/N). She is right. We are not Bond Mates, but love each other very much. Carlisle may love Esme and may not want another, but he could have – should have – handled it better. Much better. The fact this his Bond Mate, that you, were contemplating suicide and had felt so abused and cut off from the family that was supposed to at least treat you with respect due a Bond Mate that you felt suicide your only option… It is unforgivable. Whatever excuses he may have, it does not excuse his treatment of you. I am only sorry that I did not do something about it sooner than now.”

Your eyes filled with tears once again, but you valiantly held them back. Nope. No more crying. Though you were touched by both Edward and Bella’s words. It was comforting to know that you weren’t in this alone. Not anymore.

“Thank you,” you managed to croak, hoping again that your warm fuzzy thoughts could adequately express what your vocal cords could not at the moment.

“Anytime, (Y/N),” Edward said softly and Bella came around to wrap you in a gentle hug.

“We’ll always be there for you, (Y/N),” she murmured before pulling away and giving a small smile.

“Now! Enough of this or I’ll start crying too. Back to the Plan – so how do you feel about a late lunch in the garden today?”

You looked at Bella quizzically. “I’m sorry?” You were sure that she was going to ask again about your thoughts on Marcus. Not on tea time in the garden.

“Yeah, I think it would do you some good to be out in the fresh air. No other Cullens – or Hales – will be around, (Y/N), promise.”

You looked from Bella to Edward and back again before giving a hesitant nod. Maybe some time outside your rooms would be good for you.

“Okay. It does sound nice. What time?”

“Oh, later in the day. Sometime after 2pm probably. But I thought we could go exploring a bit until then. The castle really is beautiful. And I think you’d enjoy the library. There’s even a piano in there.”

You gave a small but genuine smile. You never learned piano yourself, but absolutely loved listening to it.

“I’ll make sure you have some music to listen to,” Edward said with a slight smile.

You reached out and wrapped your arms around Edward, feeling yourself settle a bit when cold arms wrapped around you in return. After the tremulous past few weeks, it was nice to feel grounded again.

“Come on,” Edward said after a few moments, “the library’s this way.” --

The library was absolutely stunning. High vaulted ceilings, ridiculously tall bookshelves practically bursting with books, comfortable looking chairs and couches scattered around and along the far wall, perpendicular to the fire place, a stunning piano, framed by large glorious windows.

“I may never leave this place,” you murmured in awe, wandering slowly from bookcase to bookcase and reverently touching every other spine.

A low chuckle sounded behind you and you absently flipped Edward off, tilting your head sideways to read the spine of the book in front of you.

An incredulous laugh escaped your lips.

“Seriously? They have the book Dracula?”

“Caius picked that up on one of his travels,” came a cultured voice from behind you and you spun to see Aro in the doorway. He gave a courteous nod to both Edward and Bella before moving across the room to stand next to you. “He thought it would be a good collector’s item. All things considered.”

You gave a somewhat delicate snort. “Makes sense. I mean…all things considered.”

Aro chuckled lowly offering you a hand and gesturing to the settee behind you. “Come, have a seat. Perhaps Edward may play something while we catch up? It has been awhile since we last spoke.”

You hesitated for a moment, thinking of all the quips and remarks about you and Marcus. What would Aro think when he saw them? Marcus was his brother, his fellow king, one of the few vampires who could claim to know Aro. And now, here you were, unfit for your Bond Mate, but being thought of to pair with the soft-spoken King?

Edward gave a soft growl as he passed you and Aro on his way to the piano. You blushed lightly at the questioning look Aro sent you before you bit the bullet and placed your hand in his.

Cold fingers wrapped gently around your own and after a moment, Aro gave a soft sound, mouth turned down into a displeased frown.

You winced. You knew it. Of course, a vampire thousands of years old and a ruler of an entire race would not be a good match for you. Or rather, you wouldn’t be a good match for him.

“I had rather thought we talked of this already, (Y/N),” Aro said suddenly as he gently steered you towards the couch, opposite the chair Bella was occupying.

You looked over at Aro questioningly and he gave you a measured look. “I do believe we spoke about your worth already and the grave misstep of Carlisle and his family. I will have none of these downtrodden thoughts.”

You blushed again, even redder than before, not meeting either Aro’s or Bella’s eyes.

A soft tune started on the piano and you sent Edward a mental thank you once again.

“My sister and my wife have been telling me about the conversation they had with you,” Aro began quietly after a moment and you startled to feel your hand still wrapped gently in his own. Your eyes shot up to Bella as she got up and moved over to stand by Edward on the other side of the room at the piano thoughtfully giving you and Aro some privacy. Well, from her ears. Edward could still hear every word, though he was pretending he couldn’t.

A light tug on your hand turned your attention to the vampire leader seated next to you and you realized what he’d just said.

The conversation the Queens had with you. In your room. About Marcus and his state of happiness.

Oh dear.

“I must admit, the idea has merit,” Aro continued and your eyes shot to his in shock. Even Sulpicia, Aro’s wife wasn’t thrilled about the idea when Athenodora brought it up in your room. In fact, Athenodora had to reassure her that no one, especially the kings, could hear anything they said about it.

But now it had merit?

“My brother has been alone for a very long time, (Y/N).” Cold fingers finally released yours with a final pat. “We have all watched him slowly fade century by century. It is neither something that we want for him, nor something that he wants for himself. But I must admit, we have all been at somewhat of a loss. Oh, he’s tried to court a few women over the centuries, but no one ever really piqued his interest or stood up to our rigorous standards. Until you.”

You knew you were gaping unattractively at Aro. You knew it.

You just couldn’t help it.

“I…what?” you finally managed. They hadn’t even known you for more than a few days; how would they know that you would be good for anyone, let alone a vampire that had been alone for centuries? And why would Marcus think you were interesting? You’d literally done nothing but cry and cuss out vampires since you got here.

“Why me?” you finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Why not you?” Aro countered and you threw him an exasperated look. Which he countered with a raised brow. “I truly am at a loss for your low opinion of yourself – and I have seen your memories. You are a remarkable woman, (Y/N). I do wish you would believe those of us that are around you and can see you clearly. But I know Marcus and he’ll enjoy the challenge of restoring your self worth where it belongs.”

Before you could utter anything, Bella suddenly called from the other side of the room, “We were planning on a picnic in the garden later.”

“How splendid!” Aro grinned, turning half way on the couch to look behind him at Bella and Edward at the piano. “It should be fine weather this afternoon. Well! I shall leave you three here to peruse the books. Please feel free to read anything here; there is quite the selection. (Y/N), might I suggest the bookshelf nearest the fireplace to the left? I think you may enjoy a few of those titles there the most.”

Standing gracefully, Aro gave a regal bow before exiting and leaving you staring after him. Somewhat concerned with exactly what books Aro thought to point out to you, you headed to the suggested bookshelf and glanced at the titles.

A large grin broke over your face at the sight of your favorite genre and you happily picked a book before heading back to the couch.

Reading would definitely take your mind off of everything. With a contented sigh, you flopped onto the incredibly comfortable couch and immersed yourself in the pages, lulled by the still playing piano.

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

One Day At A Time - Jensen x Reader

A/N: Part Two! As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block. 

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Widower!Jensen. Grieving process. Age Gap. Character pregnancy. Unrequited feelings. I believe that is all.

Word Count: Roughly 3,200

“Jared!” You screeched just in time to find your body thrown in the air. You didn't let go, tugging the large, heavy weight in after you. The water rushed around your form. Cradling your fall. An angry cry left your lips as you surfaced. Glaring at your friend as he shook out his shaggy, dark hair. “You're such a shit.”

The sound of kids shouting out their own war cries sounded before they followed. The noise was enough to diffuse the mini war for a moment. They were careening their bodies into the water one at a time. Six cannonballs of various sizes.

“Teach you to sass,” He cackled, wincing every so slightly as you splashed at him in mock outrage. You dodged Shep as you bolted away from him; kicking your feet hard enough that Jared couldn't see well enough to dive at you until you had some distance between your bodies.

“Gen!” Before you could bring his wife into the mix, you were tackled again. Losing your shout in the liquid. Jared's unnatural length had given him the advantage. Again.

“They're going to kill each other,” Jensen muttered to Genevieve at the grill. Watching the scene from the corner of his eye. He'd refused to bet on who would come out on top. Both of you were too determined to end the mutual torture amicably.

“The kids will break it up before it gets there.” She answered with a grin as she watched your leg hook Jared's. The towering height was a disadvantage for the first time as you yanked the limb upwards with your entire strength. It slowed him down. His arms couldn't quite reach you before you threw him off balance. Crashing his bulk backwards. Creating waves that all six kids rode out. The high pitched betting on who would be winner making the brow rise towards his friend's wife. “Or maybe not,” The devilish smile on her love's face made her tsk in shame.

The hiatus-bearded forty four year old beside her stopped watching the meat for a moment. Focusing on his best friend and his nanny. You had promised yourself wouldn't leave. It had been just over two years since Danneel had passed away, and you'd kept your word.

For not knowing how to care for other people full time, you'd figured it out in a hurry. Ouchies were bandaged. Homework was helped. Food was prepared just in time for everyone to slink out of the rooms. You'd gone above and beyond. Taking up a housekeeper role, even. No one could have asked for a better person to fill what had been needed.

“He takes her out? He has kid duty.” Jensen warned; his own grin covered as he took a swig of his beer to compose himself. A recent habit he'd invested in when it came to anything involving you. Too many people found themselves asking questions. He didn't want to answer them.

“Fair enough,” She shrugged as she watched Jared toss you like you were a rag doll. “Overgrown children. The both of them.”

“Keeps life a little interesting,” He acknowledged easily. It really had. Helped keep it all lighthearted when things were anything but. It'd helped him survive the worst thing he'd ever experienced. “They're too busy pranking each other to turn their wiles on us, nowadays.” That brought up Gen's brow.

“She's given you wiles, huh?” Her own drink was brought to her lips to keep her face as neutral as could as she watched her friend turn the deadly chromatic gaze her way. Looking for a sign that would tell him to keep his mouth shut. He didn't find anything. Being in the acting business had its perks, and cons, when it came to their friendship.

“She's decided that I'm too serious, lately,” He grumbled. Finger quotes and all. Pulling on the years of playing Dean Winchester for a way to express his displeasure with adequate emphasis. He'd long ago accepted that the Winchester would pop his head up whenever he needed him to. Almost eighteen years on the job did that to a man. “She gets the kids in on the plots. Got Jared in on a few before they turned on each other.”

Jared had eagerly adopted a new victim in his favorite sport. Jensen had lost the urge to get down and dirty years ago. After an incident that may, or may not have, involved stink bombs in a trailer. He reserved his angst for Misha and other cast members. However, that didn't mean that he didn't enjoy watching his best friend meeting his match.

It was nearly as explosive as when him and Jared had been younger. The only thing that prevented a forced truce was the amount of space and time apart that you two experienced. It never had a chance to build up and become deadly. Or, that's what everyone was counting on, anyway.

“Did it work?” The Winchester's bitch face was turned her way. Two could play the acting game. She just read it better, “So, it did.”

“It's been two years. I don't need checked on, constantly,” He grumbled. Taking another swig as he flipped the burgers and hot dogs. She wasn't quite sure if he was talking about you or her nosing about.

“Jensen-”

“I'm fine, Gen...Really...I'm great.” She didn't look nearly convinced. Impatiently waiting for him to continue. He didn't disappoint. Unleashing the verbal diarrhea in a torrent after a moment of silence. He'd been stewing for too long. “She just...she's something else.” That seemed to catch her attention even more.

“Are you two fighting?” The question was carefully let out, ensuring that he knew she wasn't trying to push too hard. Simply expressing a bit of concern.

“No,” He scoffed. Despite that it's actually what he'd tried to enact more than once. You were just unshakeable. “She's just...she's always there, you know?” He sounded weak to his own ears, but that didn't stop the word vomit leaving his lips. “And she's always... on top of everything. God forbid I tell her what to do.” Every thing that had been itching at his nerves burst forth. “That's another thing! She isn't intimidated. At all. I told her to take a day off, or she's canned. What'd she do? She laughed. Laughed!” He was going to lose his mind over the saucy nanny. That much he was sure on.

“And you don't like that?” Gen's teasing tone made him mentally kick himself in the ass. His long suffering parent face came out at that. She missed the point. “Sounds like the perfect nanny if I'd ever heard of one.”

“She's not just a nanny,” He was aware that he sounded like a sulking child. It made his shoulders straighten even more. His voice deepening in frustration. “She joined the damn family. When she shouldn't've had to. Y/N was supposed to get back on her feet, and moved on.”

The lingering guilt came forward. You hadn't wanted to be trapped in role. Yet, there you were. All for his family's benefit. His benefit.

“Doesn't seem to bother her,” Genevieve noted, nodding her head subtly towards the scene in the pool.

You'd gathered reinforcements. Jensen's three helped you knock Jared under the water again while his own children simply cackled around the attack zone. All it took was a simple bribe from their chief to get them to join in on the battle. Suddenly, the pool erupted into full blown war fare.

Waves crashed over the edge. Floaties went flying through the air. But, everyone knew their limits. Tenderly, you all rode the thin line that would lead to death as you wrestled in the chlorinated pit.

“It should,” He grumbled. It had at one time. The memory of you insisting that you couldn't fill the void echoed in his brain. People didn't change that much. No, if you were okay with it? There was a reason. And there was only one he could piece together enough to make some kinda sense. “She's using us for a crutch. She should be out there. Looking to start her own family.”

He'd painted the image in his mind. Clear as day, it danced there. He could see you in a bar, taking a down night. Later, with your own family after you'd stumbled into some nice good looking chap who'd appreciate you. God knows that you'd earned it.

“Ever think that she doesn't want to?” The idea was dismissed before she even finished it. After all, what woman didn't want someone of their own? “She's a big girl, Jensen...She can decide when she's ready.”

“You don't always get to choose,” His answer was softer that time. Thinking of the turn his life had taken. “You don't always get time.”

His own lack of time still haunted him more than he'd acknowledge. Jensen had wanted forever. Instead, he'd gotten a sliver of it. Best damn sliver of his life, but still. It hadn't been enough. He wanted his wife back. Wanted the life they'd been denied.

“I know,” She would have offered him a hug if his expression hadn't turned back to the mulish expression that often resided in his character's face at the soft words.  It was his way of coping. Emotions turned deadly. He wouldn't- couldn't give into it. Not in front of the kids, anyway. Alone in his room was a different story. “Have you tried actually talking to her?”

“She treats me like one of the kids,” He muttered with a soft scowl that made Gen bite back a laugh. “Actually, that's not true. I get lower. She gives the kids more attention when they take up a problem with her.” The sulking was back in full force as he nudged at the meat, once again. It was the one trait of yours that drove him crazy. That easy dismissal of his concerns.

“I can talk to her-”

“No,” His head jerked her way in dismay. He didn't want anyone fighting his battles. Didn't want you to feel that he was forcing you out. “No,” He cleared his throat; this time speaking more calmly. “I'll figure something out...providing Jared doesn't kill her.” His eyes locked onto your form as you tried to tackle the bigger man, and failed. Laughing as you were tossed around like a rag doll.

–

“I still have water in my ears,” You grumbled back at the Ackle's fortress. Trying to dislodge the liquid by shaking your head. It was useless. You'd have to pull out the cotton balls and rubbing alcohol to try and draw it out. “Your friend is wicked.”

“You started it,” Jensen shot back, setting the dish he'd dried back into the cupboard.

They'd been discarded from that morning, before the small get together. Going to sleep with a dirty sink had turned into one of your pet peeves. So, there you were. At midnight. Cleaning dishes next to your employer and friend...of sorts.

“Fair point,” You relented, passing him the pan you'd just rinsed.

After nearly three years? You'd had no problem taunting the man who'd once intimidated you. The puppy-like beast could truly do damage if he wanted. Jared simply never had the desire to inflict permanent harm. Rather stuck to temporary discomfort.

And, you loved every bit of it. It made you feel welcomed. Placed on equal footing, despite the fact that you were the furthest thing from famous.

“I think it's time to replace this thing,” Jensen muttered as he shifted the thinning towel to a dry spot to work on the metal more.

“I can do this on my own, you know.” You pointed out without malice. After all, that's what you were paid to do. A job that you didn't particularly mind, either.

“Figured Jared kicked your ass enough, today.” The wry grin made your eyes roll before you turned away. Ignoring the way his chuckle made your stomach knot.

It wasn't a new feeling. Simply one that you couldn't focus on. He'd had that soul deep kinda connection that you longed for before. So rare that you doubted you'd ever find it. Not only was he still madly in love with Danneel. But, there was also the issue of him handing over a paycheck weekly. Even if you were willing to bend the rules a bit? He wouldn't. So, you turned back to what you could focus on. The dishes.

“I can take it from here,” You returned when you gathered your wits back to where they belonged. It took longer than you had liked. “Besides, you have a flight in the morning. You should get some sleep.”

“Sure thing, mom.” His dry tone was telling enough. You were being blown off. “You sure you can handle them on your own?”

His anxiety over the trip was both endearing and frustrating. On one hand, you understood it. The kids were his everything. He hadn't left their side for longer than a few hours since they'd lost their mother. On the other, it almost hurt that there wasn't enough trust built up to give him relief for a single weekend. To let you step in and care for his family as if they were your own. Hadn't you already proven your worth?

“I'll be fine,” You waved him off with a sudsy hand. Blowing him off as easily as he had your concern. He and Dee had raised some pretty fantastic kids before you'd stepped in. They'd stay that way over two days without their dad. You'd make sure of it. “You need some time to yourself, Jay.”

“When do you ever get that?” He pointed out, jumping on his opening. Your eyes rolled back so far that it was painful. Rehashing the now familiar argument.

“I'm starting to think that you're trying to get rid of me,” His horrified look your way was ignored as you pressed your point home. Making him understand exactly how it was coming across each time he pushed. “If you don't want me around-”

“Did I say that?” The answer was so Dean that you had to bite back the chuckle. He'd only get more worked up, again, if you did. So, you resisted the urge. The kids were out. Neither of you wanted to wake them. “I just think that you need a getaway- one that doesn't include my kids.”

“Are you kidding? What fun is it to go to the beach on your own?” You'd joined the family on their excursions. Everything from the family vacations to trips to conventions. You'd even stayed in Toronto when it came time to film Supernatural. Ensuring that Jensen hadn't needed to worry for a second about his children. Instead, he'd begun to direct it towards you. “I'm not missing much. Trust me. Been there. Done that.”

“Are you still hung up on-”

“I should have never told you that story,” You muttered before he could finish. He'd never forgotten. Or let you forget that you'd confided in him. It was the first thing that had made him give you a second look. “I have bad taste, Jensen. Notoriously bad taste.” He wasn't going to argue there. The guy in question was a douche. “I'm not bringing anything like that home with me, again. There's not enough sage in the world to get rid of that kind of energy. You really should thank me.” A sad smile lined Jensen's face. Danneel had been known to burn a bundle as needed. The tradition had lived on, even just for memories sake.

“Yeah,” He cleared his throat. Taking the hint, finally. “I shouldn't push.” The look on your face said that you agreed. Silence ensued as the nightly chore was wrapped up before you went your separate ways. The issue only held away for another day.

–

“We're good. Go have fun,” You winked over the snapchat. Jensen could see all the girls in the back. Odette had taken the place of Zeppelin for the night. The boys were all with Gen. The children's own request.

You pulled away from your face to record the dance party that was taking place to Little Mix's Salute. Makeup covered all their little faces haphazardly. Your own face carried the telling marks of a young child's heavy handedness. Boas and frilly pink pajamas filled the room. All had embraced their inner female, looking remarkably fierce as they yelled the lyrics.

You ended it with a little lip sync action and your own, half-assed salute. He found himself replaying it for the simple, wide smile on your face as you turned away in the end. You'd seemed happier than he'd expected. His fingers rubbed over the bridge of his nose. Maybe you and Gen had a point.

“Dude, you okay?” Jared's shoulder jostled his best friend lightly, making the shorter one jerk away from his phone. When he glanced back, his reflection stared back at him. A flower crown rested over his forehead. His back straightened as he locked the screen, and tucked the device back in his pocket.

“Fine,” He answered easily. His hand ran through his hair. A simple tell. “Y/N was just checking in.”

“It's hard to be away from them,” The understanding tone made Jensen's tension fall a bit. It was ridiculous to even try to hide it from Jared. “I get it, man.” The large hand clasped against his arm. “If you want to bail, I'll find a way to cover-”

“I can't do that to the fans,” He shook his head. They'd all been so patient. So damn sweet after he'd lost Danneel. They deserved more than him flaking out. Again. “No, she's got it.” A crooked side smile pulled up his face, “Besides, Gen would kill me if I left you alone. You're practically bursting at the seams.”

“Am not,” The little shit eating grin said otherwise. A look that called bull was the only response he got. “Okay, but number four being on the way is kind of a big deal.” Fatherly pride was contagious.

“Yeah, man, it is.” With a sigh, Jensen pulled himself together. Determined to fall back into old patterns as much as he still could.

Years ago, Danneel and him had said they were done. Hell, even on live TV. Yet, so had Jared and Gen. There was no predicting how life would go. What turns would come forward.

Jensen was happy for his friend. Hell, his brother. He'd be there for them and the kid. Just as they had for him and his brood. But, it didn't settle the pit in his gut.

His focus lingered on the what ifs that life had left him with. Where would they all be if that car accident hadn't happened? Would the man who'd hit her be behind bars for someone else? He even found himself wondering if he'd have a fourth baby if Danneel was still alive...

Part Three

ODAAT: @winchester-ofthe-lord

Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278 @screechingartisancashbailiff

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon @supernaturalginger @lilulo-12​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​ @malfoysqueen14​

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Hey, Greg Abbott, Teachers’ Lives Matter too

I get it. I do. You need schools to open because...holy crap you’re not getting anything done, your kids need to see other kids, you have a job to do, and you just plain need a break. I get it. I do. I’ve seen the research. Kids are, as much as we can determine barely six months into a pandemic, less likely to get it. They’re less likely to suffer from a severe form of the disease, possibly less likely to transmit it. The calls for opening schools with this data make total sense. Are you going to send your kids into a building with no adults? No. So when you’re out there demanding that schools open and all of your arguments are about you, about what you need, about what your kids need, but NEVER ONCE mention the dangers to the staff and faculty who will necessarily need to be in those schools, you can see where I’m a little concerned. 

I’ve accepted that I ask my friends two or three times a year to donate food to our “snack closet” because ending poverty, let alone childhood poverty and all the many things that encompasses it, seems to be beyond us. 

I’ve accepted that I spend hundreds of dollars of my own money every year to buy things my students need because adequately funding schools seems to be beyond us. 

I’ve accepted that there might come a time I have to lock my students in the closet in my classroom - and let me tell you how blessed I feel that I have a closet big enough to fit all of my kids - because reasonable gun control seems to be beyond us. Now you’re asking us to accept going back into classrooms in the middle of a pandemic. Classrooms that are located in buildings that have been neglected for decades (please see: adequate funding), that in some cases have no windows that open, where our support people - occupational therapists, speech therapists are working in closets (please see: adequate funding), and buildings that have sketchy HVAC on a good day. You’ll forgive us if we’re not quite onboard with this idea yet. 

You see, if we want hand sanitizer in our classrooms, we have to ask parents to donate it. If we want Lysol wipes for our classrooms, we have to ask our parents to donate it. Our parents are pretty poor out here so I buy all these things, all year, myself.   If we want tissues for snotty noses, we have to ask our parents to donate it. 

Since, for the entire two decades I’ve been teaching, we’ve been asking parents to donate basic school supplies because we can’t or won’t adequately fund education, you might see where we’re a little hesitant to go back into those classrooms without masks, without face shields, because masks don’t work with the littlest kids (though face shields really aren’t nearly as effective as masks, but…), without any promise of reliable, regular testing with a quick turnaround of results, without any plan for what happens when someone gets sick, without any plan for what staff and faculty do when someone in their family is sick, without any plan on how we help parents who need the childcare, so they’re forced to give kids Tylenol in order to get through the temperature screening so they don’t lose their job, without any promise of additional money to hire more teachers, to lease more space, to scale up what distance learning will or could look like. (Does anyone really think we’re going to make it through flu season without ending up right where we were in March?) Do you know what schools look like once school starts? We are a snotty, sneezing, sniffly, coughing mess and that's without spike proteins invading our beings. I’m worried for me. I have parents who are considered elderly (sorry about that, but you are). Parents I have only seen from a distance since early March, except for that super socially-distanced Father’s Day. I’m worried for teachers who are parents - what will they do with their kids whose school schedules might be wildly different than that of their parents. I’m worried for the teachers who are older (and I’m REALLY sorry I’m considered one of them).

 But I’m more worried about our custodial staff, bus drivers, our cafeteria workers, our instructional assistants who are far more likely to be BIPOC, people who are far less likely to have the resources needed to survive an extended illness (again, not funding what matters), whose family members are more likely to be considered an essential worker in some other field.I don’t see anyone having these conversations. I don’t see ANY consideration for the adults in school buildings in all the articles calling for schools to open. AAP is telling schools to open, but not giving any guidance on how to do so safely for students AND staff alike. That must be nice. You have to open and good luck on figuring out how to make that work. We’re used to flying by the seat of our pants and making it work. This is a piss-poor solution most of the time and it is a completely untenable one in the middle of a pandemic, one that has been managed in the worst possible way at the federal level. I’m worried for my kids. I know they need to be back at school. I saw how distance learning went this spring. It wasn’t pretty.

 I know that our kids need teachers who aren’t terrified to be at work because there’s nothing in place that would suggest society values teachers as more than cheap childcare, despite the fact that this spring and summer should have sounded that message loud and clear. I know our kids need to be around each other. I’m worried that people are going to start calling for “normal” school. Nothing about this is normal. Even if kids are in school full time, nothing about this is going to be normal. We’re going to be facing kids who are dealing with layer upon layer of trauma, we need to make time and space for that, so stop telling me kids are behind. They’re not any further behind than anyone else. They’re behind some arbitrary lines we drew in the sand so long ago we’re not sure we remember why we drew them. We need to meet our kids where they are. I don't want to hear one word about testing, unless it involves a nasal or throat swab. Not. One. Word. 

The worst part about this is the completely cavalier attitude I see from far too many about doing what needs to be done if you have even half a prayer of opening schools this fall. Wear a mask. Stay home. No, you don’t need to eat in that restaurant. No, you don’t need to go visit your parents or friends 5 states away. No, you don’t need to go hang out with your friends because you’ll really stay 6 feet away - let me assure you that the pictures you’ve posted show me that is almost never true. Yes. You need to wear a mask. Yes. You need to stay home unless it’s really important. If you can’t do any of those things, but want me to go back to school in August with a smile on my face, you’re asking me to make far bigger sacrifices than the ones you’ve been willing to make so far.I am not the author of this amazing work, but please reblog.

[haleviyah]

I just want to be clear ^^;

For future reference, and the fact I keep being asked about this, I am NOT a Christian.

I have not been to church in years, I have even been ousted by Christians over the littlest and most ridiculous reasons that occurred before I even published “Rose of Sharon”. I was policed and harassed by these said people online, and it resulted me to be disbanded from them not just for my safety and well-being but also for their’s as well…

Long story short, we don’t get along. I tried (emphasis on TRIED) making bridges with them, which resulted in these sheep always knocking it down… Geez. Sound familiar?  

HOWEVER, I am a person growing in Biblical philosophy. The reason why I don’t (and even refuse to) share verses of the Bible on social media anymore is not because I don’t believe in it. It is simply because:

I need to, and would rather, fully understand what these verses are contextually saying FIRST, before sharing. It’s pointless of me repeating phrases I don’t understand.

Call me old fashioned, I prefer to walk before I talk now a days. I don’t speak verses unless I apply them personally first.

I treat the Bible like how I treat my marriage: privately. Just the fact that I read the Bible should never be paraded so I can look good to others. If you want to share verses, feel free to share, but don’t do it to portray as the good guy or that ego going to bite you in the ass.

I rather let people judge me by my character and not the labels I wear or what I so happen to post here. That’s all I ask. (Common sense, if a woman loves her man she’s faithful to him, same context should apply to what I am reading from the Bible...same damn context!) 

So, I’m not aChristian technically speaking. I came, I saw, but they saw me too, hated me and… I left. And again, I am biblically growing, does this mean I hate other people by default? Uh, Hell no.

I mean, what gives me the right to damn another person who has just as much potential as I do?

Unpopular opinion here, I’m a woman who took Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words more seriously than “certain movements” that have been trending on social media for the past few month. I prefer to judge by the content of character. It’s effective and helps you find real friends in the world. 

I really don’t care if you’re gay, American, Asian, African, atheist, Catholic, Jew, or even physically/mentally injured, I really, really don’t care. What I care more about is the continuity of your character.

It’s simple: If I see your are open and willing to listen, then we’ll talk. However if I see you are apathetic and expect me to psychically know your philosophies/issues without clear, adequate explanations from you, then I won’t understand you. Or if you expect me to kowtow to you because you’re “x” label, we will have issues. 

On a side note let me also say this: I have made the mistakes like many others here. I have made unjust judgements (I mean, who hasn’t?) and I have started fights that I to this day do regret even if I did apologize for them. Bottom line, I have learned from those cringe worthy mistakes. And with that, I know what leads a person to see the world through “Black and White” or “Kingdom of Light and Kingdom of Darkness”. It’s called ‘ignorance’. That simple.

That very filter of division does drive you mad, and turns you into the exact devil you claim to be fighting against. Arguably, (based on experience) that kind of divided mentality never truly unifies people - doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not. Living like that doesn’t really give chance for Truth and what is consistent in this world to speak up and guide or correct you. As a matter of fact, that kind of philosophy doesn’t even encourage you to accept correction or rebuke maturely; which is extremely dangerous! This “my way or the highway; if you’re not with me you’re the devil” mentality is more disgusting than snuff films. I’ll be frank...

In recent years, I’ve learned that there are different shades of grey in the world, different hues of light. Some people are dim sparks and other’s are bright stars; but each flame tells a story wether it be of tragedy or triumph, we can learn regardless from each person. But I challenge those who view the world divided, how can you reach out and unify these sparks into a beautiful light show if you are too damn picky of favoring the brightest, whitest lights? You’re going to go blind like that. If you’re playing favoritism like this you’re not the wiseman, you’ve become the fool in that case.  

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: Ignorance breathes fear, fear breathes hatred, and hatred breathes destruction. Fear cannot be cured by committing genocide on everything you hate, it can be cured by simply educating yourself. Empathizing others.

What does it mean to empathize? Empathy simply means the act of placing yourself into the shoes of another and seeing the world through their perspective while investigating why they act and think this way. This move demands absolute humility and being empty of your personal opinions. Or how Christian’s constantly preach of “Being dead to yourself”. Unlike sympathy which is usually moved by emotion and usually only rewarding one person, empathy is moved by genuine willingness to understand another. It helps give opportunity for both people to grow and become stronger individuals through each other’s understanding. To have a clear picture of it, Sherlock Holmes is great example of empathy (the original novels, not the recent tv show). Pretty cool if this is your first time hearing empathy, huh?

Unfortunately, this requirement of humility, self-disesteem, and sacrifice of personal opinions is exactly why people don’t like empathy. Because humility by nature has a habit of getting you out of your comfort zone; out of that safe space so you can can understand your true place. Empathy is very self-convicting, but that’s what makes it so powerful and unifying than just holding riots in the streets with signs.  

That’s a mere brush up, but I hope that’s enough.

But going back to explaining myself. I’ve learned too much in the past year alone to just bow the knee to the demands of just anyone. I’m NOT doing that because this year has made me bitter… No. I am honestly putting the foot down for the sake of the other person. If I bow the knee to them, that rewards any bitterness that is eating them up inside, and thus would blind each of us to what is honorable and just in this world. In short, it would just kill us.

I am not for treating a person according to their sins, but I’m rather for rebuking them according to the potential they have and what they stand for. Of course everyone has a choice to listen or not, but let mine be the just thing to do.  

Do unto others and you want others to do unto you. We know who recited that phrase, but He also said “You shall be condemned (or held accountable) to the words you speak (what you uphold/ or the philosophy you live by).”  

So, back to original statement. After reading all this, do I sound or act like a Christian? What defines one since there are so many variations out there anyway?

Everyone is welcome here on my blog. I’m not going to push anyone away just because you are different from me, but I’m not expecting everyone to love me. I can be blunt sometimes, but it’s better than me lying to people. I am not going to shove the Bible down your throat because simply I find that stupid and immature. If you don’t like me you don’t have to follow me, just don’t resort to emotional retorts... it’s not going to make me do anything. 

If you’re open to me, I’m open to you. If you’re closed up from me, I won’t force you to open up… But please…

PLEASE! Don’t expect me to understand you if you don’t explain yourself.

It’s all that simple.

[phantasticworks]

If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter Fifteen

hello!! now you must be thinking to yourself, is it Friday already? Not quite (at least it's not where I'm at) but I'm updating a little early as a treat to all of you (totally has nothing to do with my new job having me working 40+ hours a week and very little time to myself lol)

read on ao3

Words: 9.3k

Summary: Dan and Phil settle into a new normal with their family of five

Warnings for this chapter: Swearing 

Monday morning is a little hectic in the sense that having three kids to coordinate is a little harder than just the two, but Dan stays thankful that Levi is old enough to pretty much take care of himself. Still, it does stress him out just a little trying to make sure everyone has a lunch and their backpacks sorted. Phil helps to calm him down a bit, assuring him over and over again that he’s checked and double checked that everyone has their lunch packed and their backpacks adequately stocked.

By the time breakfast is over and they’re heading out the door Dan has calmed down significantly. The twins hug Phil goodbye, and Dan accepts the kiss on his cheek with a soft smile, grateful for the attention and affection. Levi stands awkwardly by the door but otherwise doesn’t react. Not that Dan expected him to, since Levi hadn’t seemed outwardly bothered by any displays of affection between the two of them, but still. He can’t help but be nervous that it might make him uncomfortable. And, a smaller, almost buried part of him, worries that not only would it bother Levi, but that he might one day have some sort of homophobic outburst.

“Bye, drive save, see you when you get home,” Phil murmurs into Dan’s ear before releasing him. “Bye, kiddos, learn something new today!” Phil calls to where the twins are already on their way down the corridor.

Dan rolls his eyes at the twins’ never-ending excitement for a new day. “I swear,” he mutters. He turns to smile at Phil, kissing his cheek fleetingly. “Bye, love.”

Levi waits until Dan’s out the door before he starts walking, falling into step beside him. He’s quiet, but Dan can feel the anxiety rolling off him in waves.

“Excited about the first day?” Dan asks, his tone joking.

Levi’s gaze darts up to meet Dan’s. He glances back at the floor and shrugs. “Not exactly.”

Dan nods in understanding. “I don’t blame you. Secondary school is shit.” He winces when he realizes what he’s said. “Don’t tell Phil I said that.”

That makes Levi smile, just a little. “Sure.”

“Amelia, quit tugging on the door, it’s not gonna unlock any faster with you ripping the handle off.” She obediently releases it, staring at him with big brown eyes as she waits for him to press the button on his key fob. He clicks it, gesturing to the door. “Alright, go ahead.”

The twins scramble into the backseat while Levi awkwardly hovers near the passenger door. Dan understands his discomfort. “You can sit up front,” he says with a smile.

Levi looks almost relieved as he tugs open the door, settling into the seat with his backpack at his feet. “Usually have to sit in the back everywhere I go. They act like I’m gonna pull a knife or something,” he sighs. He sounds so defeated, so miserable, and it just tugs painfully on Dan’s heart.

In an effort to lighten the mood, Dan shrugs. “I figure if you were going to stab me you’d have already done it at this point so I’m not too worried about that.” He grins when Levi snorts out a laugh.

“True enough, I guess.” He turns his gaze to the window, falling silent as he watches the scenery passing by his window. There’s not much to see on such a dreary London day, but Dan leaves him to it, humming to himself and occasionally trading conversation with the twins.

“This is where the twins go to school,” Dan informs Levi as they pull into the parking lot. Dan unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for the door handle, glancing over at the teenager. “I usually walk them to the door, but you can stay here if you want.”

Levi seems to consider it but ultimately nods. “I’ll just wait here,” he says quietly. He turns around to see the kids, smiling broadly at them. “I’ll see you guys later, yeah? Have a good day at school.”

“Bye, Levi!” Amelia calls, already hopping out of the car.

Jaiden has the decency to meet Levi’s eyes at least, grinning back at him before departing. “Bye!”

“Love you guys!” Levi calls after them, an almost hurt look in his eyes.

The twins echo the sentiment as they allow Dan to help them put their backpacks on, chattering excitedly. He half-listens, feeling a little more than awkward knowing Levi is watching and probably annoyed that his siblings aren’t still wrapped up in him as they were the day before.

Dan takes ahold of each of their hands and walks them to the door quickly. Before he releases them, he crouches down, smiling warmly as they both throw their arms around him in a hug. “Bye, loves. Have a good day today and behave. I love you.”

Amelia squeezes a little more at that. “Love you too, Daddy,” she replies before pulling out of his grip. “Can I go now? Darcy’s waiting for me over there,” She points to the building, where Darcy is in fact waiting with Esme, who’s giving Dan a flirtatious smile.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” Dan nods, waving half-heartedly at Esme. He turns to Jaiden. “Alright, bug?”

Jaiden nods before gesturing to the car. “Levi is coming home with us after school, right?”

Dan laughs, but nods. “Yes, sir, he sure is. Now, go ahead, before you’re late.”

The little boy smiles, looking so much like his older brother that it nearly knocks Dan down. “Love you!” he calls as he races off towards the door.

“Love you too, bub. Have a good day!” Dan calls back. He waits until he’s reached Esme and they’ve turned in the direction of the classrooms before he turns himself around and heads back to the car.

Levi is waiting, staring out the window with a vaguely surprised look on his face. Dan fastens his seatbelt again, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot carefully before sending a worried glance Levi’s way. “Everything alright, bud?” He asks gently, the term of endearment slipping out without permission. He wishes he could put it back in his mouth.

The boy nods slowly. “You really care for them, huh?” He says, surprising Dan.

Dan glances over at him, a bit unsure how to respond. He decides honesty is enough. “I do, yeah. Phil and I both do, so much.” It’s hard to deny the unwavering fondness in his voice, and he hopes that he doesn’t come across as sounding quite so pathetic.

“I… I’m glad that they got you guys. Instead of someone else.” Levi’s voice is quiet and bordering on embarrassed, and Dan’s heart clenches at the sound of it.

“Well… I think we were the lucky ones, there.” Dan clears his throat as he pulls into his designated parking spot. “Anyway, here we are.”

Levi stares up at the building. “It’s…” He glances over at Dan. “Bit posh, innit?”

Dan laughs aloud and obnoxiously. “A bit, yeah.” He smiles. “It took me a bit of getting used to as well when I first started.” He opens his door and climbs out, reaching into the back seat for his bag he’d thrown there carelessly earlier.

The teen shakes his head before slowly following after Dan, gathering up his backpack and moving to stand in front of the car. “It looks expensive,” Levi observes, frowning.

A snort leaves Dan without his permission, but Levi is barely even looking at him, so entranced in taking in the school he’d be going to from now on. “Oh, it is,” Dan jokes. It’s not really a joke at all, because the school is expensive, in general.

Levi gives him an incredulous look. “What does Phil do again?”

Dan smirks, locking the car with the key fob as he comes to a stop in front of Levi. “BBC producer.”

“Right,” Levi says, sounding faint. “That explains it.”

Heading towards the door and confident that Levi is following after him, Dan shrugs. “Not really. You all have free tuition,” he says, holding the door to the school open and gesturing for Levi to enter. He does, but with a sharp, surprised look thrown Dan’s way. “Staff privileges, and all that,” Dan says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Right,” Levi echoes his earlier words.

Dan leads the way down the halls, headed for his office. “I did give you your schedule yesterday, right?”

“Yeah,” Levi replies, a bit belatedly. It was still early enough that not a lot of people were here yet, but there were plenty of students milling about, and those students were quickly realizing that this was a new kid. Dan tried his hardest not to make eye contact with these kids; he didn’t know if it was better or worse to be known as the kid of a faculty member, and that wouldn’t be a decision he made for Levi.

Nodding to himself, Dan rattles his keys a bit as they get to the door to his office, finally finding the stupid thing and letting them inside. “I told Louise I could give you the tour like I usually do with the other students, but if that would embarrass you she’s agreed to take over instead.”

Something about this must rub Levi the wrong way, and he sends Dan a sharp look, his gaze hardened. “Why would I be embarrassed?” He says bitingly.

Dan shrugs, ignoring the attitude. “I don’t know. Is it still lame to be known as a teacher’s kid or something?”

“I’m not your kid,” Levi snaps. He almost looks ashamed as soon as he’s said it, but rather than apologize, he snaps his mouth shut, staring down at the ground.

A rough kind of emotion, one that burns at his throat in the worst kind of way, courses through Dan’s veins. He clears his throat once, twice, before speaking. “Right. I know that. I just mean…” He sighs. “Assuming students do realize that you live with me, I don’t know how embarrassing that would be for you, considering I work here. If you’d rather they didn’t see you around me, for whatever reason, I’ll have Louise do the tour.” He’s all business now, trying to erase any hint of emotion.

Levi nods slowly. His shoulders slowly deflate, and the fight seems to go out of him. “Okay,” he mumbles.

“So, do you want Louise to do it?”

Levi flinches a little, an almost guilty look on his face as he nods. “Yeah.”

Dan tries to ignore the hurt he feels at that as he nods. “Alright, I’ll walk you to her office.”

“Is she the headmistress?” Levi asks, making Dan realize he hadn’t even explained that bit yet.

“Sorry, yeah, I meant to say that. She is. And one of my closest friends, really. Her daughter Darcy is Amelia’s best friend.”

Levi doesn’t respond as they’ve reached a door and Dan is rapping on it impatiently. “Lou?” He calls.

“Mhm? Come in.” At the invitation Dan cracks the door open, unsurprised to find Louise sat at her desk, tapping on her computer. “Oh, hello, love. Ah, this must be Levi!” She stands from the desk and smiles broadly at him. “My god, Jaiden really does favor you,” she says, sounding surprised as she shares a look with Dan.

Dan only rolls his eyes. “Obviously, he does. They happen to be related, you know.”

Louise hushes him. “Shut it, Howell,” she says playfully. “Right, well, I’m Ms. Pentland, then. Are we ready for a tour, dear?” Dan loves that without even asking, she knows, somehow, that Levi would be more comfortable with that. Or perhaps she’d just deduced that it’s the only possible reason Dan could have to bring him into her office this early. Either way, he loves her to bits for it.

“Er, yeah. Yes, ma’am,” Levi stammers out.

“What a polite boy you are! Well, c’mon then, we’d better hurry before classes start. I’d hate to walk you into a class that’s already started.” She begins to lead the way out of the office, but Levi sends a panicked look Dan’s way. Something about the fact that Dan’s the only familiar person here is likely the only reason he turns to him, but Dan still offers him an encouraging smile.

“Go ahead. Louise is great, I promise. I’ll just be in my office if you need me at all today, yeah?” He tries to sound less panicked and more reassuring, but truthfully he’s just as nervous for Levi’s first day here.

“Okay,” Levi nods. He takes a step out of the office before pausing. “Erm, after school do I just…”

Dan smiles. “You can come by my office or if I’m not there you can just come straight to the car. I’ll wait on you, promise.”

Levi nods, reassured. “Alright. Bye, Dan.”

“Bye,” Dan calls after him, waiting until they’d gone to head in the opposite direction to his own office. He hopes, more than anything, that Levi has an easy day today. He prays it’s not a wasted hope.

~~~

Dan spends nearly the entire day worrying himself to death about how Levi’s first day is going to go. He spends the morning getting almost no work done, just stressing about how Levi is doing, and by lunch time he feels nearly manic. He opens the lunch that Phil had packed for him, looking forward to a cute little post-it note. It’s silly how quickly he’d grown attached to the little doodles, honestly.

Today he’s faced with a surprise when he doesn’t see a cute drawing, but rather a short paragraph. Confused, he squints down at it as he reads.

Dan- I know you’re nervous about Levi’s first day of school and you’re probably on the verge of freaking out but you should know you’re doing your very best and we all appreciate you so much. Especially me. <3 Ps I know you’re just in this for the bad doodles you can mock me for, so flip this over

Dan’s eyes are misting as he flips it over, laughing aloud when he sees today’s drawing. It’s a poorly drawn fish, but clearly Phil spent some time on it, as it’s actually colored in. Above it, in a speech bubble, is the words, “Just keep swimming!!” The smile on Dan’s face is almost painful, and he can feel himself fully crying now.

Pulling out his phone, he takes a quick picture of the note, just the doodle, the note on the other side felt far too personal. He sends it to Louise with a smiling face emoji before tapping over to his conversation with Phil.

Dan: glub glub

He sets his phone down on his desk and actually begins eating as he waits for a response, clicking on his desktop over to the Spotify tab so he can listen to some music while he eats. He’s just started up one of his favorite playlists when he hears his phone beep. Smiling already, he picks it up, grinning down at the reply there.

Phil: glub glub glub!!

Phil: Did you like it?

Dan: I always do

Phil: :’)

Dan: <3 <3

Dan: I liked the note on the other side, too

Phil: :)

Phil: Good, I meant it.

Dan: sap

Phil: You have no proof of that

Dan: oh but don’t I

Phil: Whatever Howell you love me

Dan’s heart races at those words. He feels ridiculous for even pretending he doesn’t know why. Still, he can’t formulate a serious response to those words.

Dan: eh

It takes a little longer this time, but Phil sends back a fish emoji and two heart emojis, a black one and a blue one. Dan pretends he doesn’t see the symbolism there as he sends back his own fish emoji, and after hesitating, he taps on a pink heart. Phil would appreciate the sappiness, he was sure.

~~~

“Come in,” Dan calls when he hears a knock on his door. It’s the end of the day, and he’s gathering up his things, humming to himself. He glances up when the door opens, smiling easily when he sees Levi stood there. “Hey, Levi. Sorry, I’m almost finished in here.”

Levi nods, shoving his hands in his pockets and taking a step into the room. He looks a little awkward, and his eyes flit around quickly, almost like he’s contemplating saying something. Dan doesn’t press, deciding to let Levi speak if he wants to. He finishes gathering his things, stuffing his laptop and some files into his bag before grabbing his coat and shrugging it on. “Ready?”

The teen shrugs, then nods. Dan gestures for him to go ahead, turning to lock the door behind them. He’s just turned around and started down the hall when Levi speaks. “I found a note in my lunchbox,” he says carefully. He doesn’t sound particularly annoyed or bothered, just confused, if anything.

“Oh?” Dan says, wondering if Levi will elaborate.

He does, pulling it out of his pocket and handing it over. Dan glances over it, smiling as he reads it to himself. Phil had drawn a koala, and underneath it is the caption “I hope today koala-fies as a good day!”

Dan snorts and hands it back. “That’d be Phil’s primary school sense of humor, I’m afraid.”

Levi still looks confused. “Does he… Is this like a thing he always does?”

They’ve reached the car, so Dan unlocks it and tosses his bag in the backseat. He nods as they climb into the car. “Yeah. Well, I mean,” he gestures around them vaguely. “He started doing it on the twins’ first day of school and they liked it so now he just does it for all of us.”

Levi snorts at that. “He does one for you too?” He sounds disbelieving.

Dan smiles, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Without much preamble he pulls out the first of the sticky notes he’d received, the one with the rat on it. He hands it over to Levi as he reaches for his seatbelt with his other hand.

It’s quiet for a moment as Levi reads over it, a startled laugh leaving him. “That’s…” He trails off, handing the paper back. Dan tucks it neatly back into his wallet. “I mean, if I’m being honest, that’s just disgusting.”

Dan tenses up, glancing over at Levi with a guarded expression. “Yeah?’

Levi seems to realize how that sounded, and he looks panicked as he stutters out an apology. “Sorry, that’s not- I didn’t- I just meant like- it’s sappy. That he leaves you like love notes or whatever.”

It’s funny, the paradox of how that makes Dan both bristle and warm at the same time. “They’re not exactly love notes,” he mumbles, pulling out of the parking lot.

There’s a laugh, and when he glances at Levi, he’s grinning. “Right. Sure. Not a love note.”

“He leaves them for the twins, too,” Dan says, his voice defensive.

Levi shrugs. “He’s trying to be some perfect parent or whatever.”

This really does make Dan bristle, and he side-eyes the boy next to him, unsure how to proceed with defending Phil. Eventually, he settles on, “Phil’s just trying his best to make them feel loved. I know that seems weird, since we’re not your, like, real parents, or whatever, but I know his heart is in the right place.”

It’s quiet for a few moments, and Dan thinks Levi’s not going to say anything more on the subject, but eventually he lets out a slow breath. “I know. Sorry. I’m glad you guys are like, trying. It’s just…”

Dan feels such a deep sympathy for this child, it settles heavy in his chest, almost making it hard for him to breathe. “It’s weird, I know. I’m sorry.”

Levi glances at him, surprised, before he glances back out the window, shrugging. “Not your fault.”

They don’t talk after that, and Dan parks the car out in front of the primary school, offering again for Levi to go with him if he wants. He declines the offer. Dan tries not to let that bother him as he gets out of the car, making his way up to the building where kids are milling about, waiting for their parents. Jaiden spots him first, jumping up and running straight to him, his arms held out.

Dan laughs, scooping him up and kissing his head fondly. “Hey, bubby. How was your day?”

“Fine,” Jaiden says quickly. “Where’s Levi?”

That makes Dan smile. “Waiting in the car for us. Where’s your sister?”

Jaiden gestures vaguely behind him. “She’s- somewhere,” He says, distracted.

“Very insightful, thank you,” Dan says seriously, trying to hide his smirk. He glances around for her, spotting her pigtails running around with two other little girls. “Mia!” He calls. “Time to go, lovey!”

Her head snaps up as she looks for the source of the voice. When she sees him she grins widely, waving at him. She bids goodbye to her friends before skipping over. “Hi, Daddy,” she greets, sliding her hand into the one he’s not currently using to hoist Jaiden up.

“Hello there, sweetheart. Ready to go?” He smiles down at her.

She nods and they start towards the car. As they go, Jaiden is talking excitedly into his ear, but Amelia tugs on his hand to get his attention. “Did Levi have a good day?” She asks, looking nervous.

Dan smiles at this precious girl. “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask him about his day, won’t we?”

Amelia nods, looking thoughtful. “Dad will probably ask, he always asks.”

It takes a moment for Dan to realize that “Dad” is her endearment for Phil at the moment. He smiles. “I’m sure you’re right, hon. I’m sure you are.”

They talk Levi’s ear off in the car ride home, and since today was a day that Phil got off early, he was there to greet them when they got there. Amelia all but jumps in his arms as soon as she and Jaiden have tugged their shoes off, and Dan rolls his eyes.

“Hey, love-bug! How was school?” Phil asks, shifting her to get a better grip on her. Jaiden is hovering next to him, looking up at him with wide eyes. Phil smiles down at him, petting his hair affectionately.

“It was fun! We learned about planets!” Amelia rattles off.

At this announcement, Phil feigns an exaggerated gasp. “That’s my favorite subject! You’ll have to tell me all about it at dinner!”

Amelia giggles and nods. “I will.”

Phil smiles at her and turns to look at Dan. His smile drops into something softer, fonder, as he looks at him. “Hey,” he says quietly, watching as Dan tugs his shoes off and drops his bag beside the shoe rack. “How was work, love?”

Dan shrugs, stepping closer. “It was work,” he says, tired just thinking about it.

“Ah,” Phil says knowingly. He shifts Mia again, further back on his hip, so he can lean in and place a kiss on Dan’s cheek. “I’ll make dinner tonight, if you want.”

“That’d be great, honestly,” Dan sighs, nearly moaning at the idea of not having to stand up and cook.

Phil laughs, but before he can respond, they’re interrupted by Jaiden clearing his throat. They look down at him and Phil quirks an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Jaiden crinkles his nose. “Are you two gonna kiss? I don’t wanna be in here if you’re gonna be smooching.”

On another day this might embarrass Dan, but today isn’t that day. Instead he just cackles, heart warm at the frankly ridiculous look on Phil’s face. “Yeah? Don’t worry, Jai-bird, we won’t traumatize you like that.”

Jaiden looks relieved. “Thanks. Can I go play on the Switch?”

Dan laughs again, but nods. “Go for it.”

Amelia squirms out of Phil’s grip, chasing after her brother. “Make sure you share, guys!” Phil calls after them.

They mutter some affirmatives before they disappear. Dan sighs. He’s almost forgotten that they aren’t alone with how quietly Levi has been hovering near the door for the past couple of minutes, but when he remembers he glances over at him, smiling. “You can go play with them, if you want, or do whatever. We’ll let you know when it’s time for dinner.”

Levi nods. “Okay.” He glances down as he starts to walk past them, but Phil calling his name has him turning around, looking briefly panicked. “Yeah?”

“How was school?” Phil asks. Dan almost laughs but bites his tongue. He knew Phil would ask the very first chance he got.

Levi looks surprised. “Er- it was alright. Good, I guess, actually.” He sounds confused by his own words.

Phil smiles widely. “Great! I was hoping you’d like the school. I know it’s ridiculously posh, but it’s a nice school.”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees passively, shifting on his feet and gripping his backpack strap tightly. “I guess so.”

“Did you have all the school supplies you need?” Phil asks.

Levi nods. “Yeah. They said I’d have to print my essays and stuff, though.” He glances down as he says this, clearly uncomfortable with even mentioning that he might need something.

“That’s fine, we have a printer in the office, you’re welcome to use it whenever you want.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Levi hesitates, gesturing to the stairs. “Can I…”

Phil looks embarrassed. “Yeah! Go ahead, we’ll let you know when it’s time for dinner.”

Levi nods before disappearing up the stairs, leaving Dan and Phil alone in the hall. “Well?” Phil says, turning to look at Dan.

“Well what?” Dan says, smiling.

Phil mirrors the expression. “How’d I do on the whole parenting thing?”

Dan rolls his eyes before heading to the kitchen, rolling his sleeves up as he goes. “Do you want me to sit here and stroke your ego?” he asks sardonically.

“I mean, if you want to stroke something-“ Phil giggles.

This time, Dan does blush. “Shut up,” he mumbles. “The filth that you come up with sometimes, I swear.”

“C’mon, Dan, it was funny. Tell me I’m funny,” Phil pesters him, poking at his sides and making Dan yelp.

“No!” Dan laughs, squirming away when Phil tries to corner him, his hands raised like talons. “Go away, menace.”

Phil grins, grabbing Dan’s t-shirt and tugging him back. “Nope. I’m cooking dinner, remember?”

“Fine, so I’ll go away,” Dan concedes, pulling out of his grip.

Phil whines at this. “Danny,” he protests. “I’ll get bored without you. Keep me company?” He puts his bottom lip out in a pout.

Dan stares at his lips for a little too long, flushing and clearing his throat when he realizes what he’s just done. “What do I get out of it?”

There’s a smirk on Phil’s lips when he leans in, nearly giving Dan a heart attack. He’s so sure he’s about to be kissed, but instead Phil’s lips brush against his jaw. “All my love and affection, Daniel.”

This time Dan has the wherewithal to shove him away, laughing. “Ew. Keep it in your pants, Lester.”

A spot of color blossoms on Phil’s cheek, but he turns around before Dan can tease him for it. “Nevermind, go away, you’re horrible company.”

Dan laughs good-naturedly. In the end, of course, he stays.

~~~

The next couple of days pass in a sort of blur and before they know it, the school week is over and it’s Friday night. Dan was tucked into Phil’s arms on the sofa, feeling perfectly cozy as the kids sat around watching their film of choice for the evening. They were having a lazy sort of night and Dan was more than happy to just fall asleep right then and there. Phil had other ideas apparently, as he kept commenting softly about the plot of the film, quiet enough that only Dan could hear him.

“It just seems unrealistic, in my opinion. I don’t really think that this would actually work in the real world,” Phil is saying.

Dan lifts his head from Phil’s shoulder to stare at him. “It’s a children’s film, bub, of course it’s not going to happen in the real world,” he sasses.

Phil rolls his eyes at his tone. “Well yeah, but they should keep a little bit of realism! It’s a whole thing! People really do navigate and everything and I think Moana is making it look too easy.”

The smile that creeps onto Dan’s face is just impossible to stop. “Right. You’re absolutely right.” Phil grins triumphantly. “And you’re also distracting me from this extremely good film, so shut up.”

Phil grumbles when Dan turns away, situating himself so he can press his back against Phil’s chest. Even with his huff, Phil doesn’t complain. “Here, move a bit,” he pushes gently against Dan’s back, forcing Dan to sit up reluctantly. Glancing behind himself, Dan watches as Phil pulls his legs onto the sofa, stretching one out on either side of Dan’s body. “Okay, c’mere.”

Dan raises an eyebrow. “You want me to sit there?” He asks, gesturing to the space between Phil’s legs. He can already feel his cheeks heating up at the idea, but suddenly he’s desperate for it, for this closeness to the one person he loves most in the world.

“Yeah, come here it’ll be comfy,” Phil presses, holding his arms out wide.

His heart racing, Dan shrugs and moves closer, settling in between Phil’s legs just as he’d asked. It is comfy, and immediately Phil’s arms come up to wrap around his chest, trapping Dan’s arms at the biceps. “Phil,” Dan whines softly. “I can’t move.”

“Well why are you trying to? We’re having premium cuddles here,” Phil replies, sounding offended.

Dan thinks about it for a moment and promptly decides that even though they’re a little closer than normal, he doesn’t actually mind it, and in fact is finding it to be quite pleasant. He tilts his head back to rest on Phil’s shoulder, his eyes moving over the room to take stock of each of the kids. Amelia is laying on a blanket in the floor, her chin propped in her hands as she stares up at the screen. Jaiden is laying on the other sofa, but from here Dan can’t actually tell if he’s asleep or not. Levi, playing on his phone, is sitting on the armchair, and when Dan glances over at him, his gaze flickers up to meet Dan’s. He immediately looks embarrassed and drops his gaze, and Dan shifts uncomfortably. He’s about to say something to him when he feels Phil squeeze his side gently.

“Dan,” Phil says suddenly.

“Hm?” He asks, turning his head to look at him.

“Stop moving,” he mumbles, and maybe it’s the glow of the television, but Dan thinks he looks embarrassed.

It takes Dan a moment, but as soon as he realizes that in their position his shifting is causing Phil a bit of a... problem, he giggles. “Sorry,” he whispers when Phil shoots a glare at him.

“Shut up,” Phil whines.

“Shh, sorry, sorry, I’ll stop,” Dan apologizes with a grin. On a whim, he tilts his head, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Phil’s jaw.

It’s new, he notes. He normally doesn’t do that when they steal those moments of connection, he normally keeps his kisses to Phil’s cheek, or his forehead, or even his hair. But kissing his jaw feels different and the intimacy is different, and he’s not quite sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Phil’s eyes are darker in the room, with the television the only source of light, but Dan can tell that he feels the difference too. Unable to handle his steady gaze, Dan turns back to the movie. His eyes dart over the children once more, and again he catches Levi staring at him. This time, he decides to call him out.

“How’s the new phone working, Levi?”

Levi flinches, just barely, and Dan frowns deeply. “It’s, uh, it’s fine.”

“Yeah? Great.” Dan hesitates a bit before speaking again. “Did you get everything downloaded that you wanted to?”

“Um... yeah, I guess so.” Levi fiddles with the phone, clearly uncomfortable.

“Games? Music?” Dan presses. He knew it was a little obnoxious of him, but he remembers being a teenager. He remembered feeling awkward asking his parents for a phone, and then feeling even more awkward when he tried to download music onto it only to find that everything came with a price.

“Uh, haven’t figured out the music thing yet,” Levi says eventually, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“You can make an Apple Music account, Levi,” Phil says from over Dan’s shoulder. The sound of his voice surprises him and he jumps a little. Phil rests a settling hand on Dan’s stomach at that, gently rubbing circles, almost as if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. “We’ll pay for it but go ahead and set one up.”

“Oh, um, that’s okay, I-“ he begins.

“Levi, it’s fine. Phil’s a producer at the BBC, he’s got all sorts of money,” Dan grins as he says this, and yelps when he feels Phil tug gently on a curl in reprimand.

“It’s coming out of the shared bank account, so I reckon you’ve got all sorts of money too, love.” Phil interjects, sounding quite pleased with himself.

Dan still wasn’t completely used to the idea that they shared a bank account now, just as much as they shared a life. It was something he was adjusting to, but as of right now the reminder still made him feel strange. “Yeah, well,” he mumbles. “Your mum.”

Phil presses a kiss to a spot just below his ear then, causing Dan to shiver. “Your mum,” he mocks.

“Hey,” Dan lets out a quiet protest. “You have to be nice to me, I’m the baby.”

“You’re not a baby, even if you act like it,” Phil rolls his eyes.

“I am,” Dan replies, nodding seriously as he turns to look at Phil. “I’m the youngest of the two of us, so you have to be nice to me.”

“I don’t like that rule,” Phil says, his eyes glittering in the light from the screen.

Dan shrugs and eventually tears his own eyes away, settling back against Phil’s chest. “Tough shit,” he mumbles, hoping the children don’t overhear.

He’s not expecting it, so when Phil bites his earlobe gently in reprimand, Dan yelps loudly. The kids all turn to look at him questioningly, and he shrugs sheepishly. “Sorry. Thought I saw a... spider.”

The twins go right back to the movie, more than used to Dan’s odd behavior as of now, but Levi gives him a lingering look.

Phil laughs softly. “That was cute,” he whispers into Dan’s ear.

Dan unsubtly digs his elbow into the fleshy bit of Phil’s hip, causing the older man to hiss in pain. “Was not,” he mumbles back.

Phil doesn’t reply, but Dan feels lips pressing to his neck only a second later. He can’t stop the gasp that falls from his lips. This apparently only urges Phil on, as he takes it a step further, kissing down his throat slowly. Dan’s hand comes up to grip Phil’s forearm, his mind and body in a war of whether or not he should stop him. “Phil,” he whispers hoarsely. They don’t do this. This isn’t something they allow themselves. Best friends is one thing, and putting on a show for the purpose of their fake relationship was one thing as well, but doing this in the privacy of their home, when the only people who could see is their kids- well it’s something they don’t do.

“Is this okay?” Phil whispers.

Dan swallows hard, his heart pounding erratically. “We shouldn’t- I don’t-fuck.”

“Shh, little ears,” Phil reminds him subtly.

Again, Dan’s gaze darts around the room, but luckily none of the kids are looking at them. None of them see the way Phil leans in again, pressing another soft kiss to Dan’s neck. “Phil, stop,” Dan breathes, unable to handle himself.

“Oh, um... sorry. I just- I thought- nevermind.” Phil stumbles over his words, and Dan feels his throat itch with the desire to appease him, but he swallows it down. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Dan slowly strokes his thumb across Phil’s forearm, feeling almost guilty for telling him to stop. But he was confused, his heart was racing, and he was struggling to find a way to think about this in platonic terms. “It’s okay. It... it felt nice.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks timidly. “So why...?” He trails off, but it’s clearly an open-ended question, easy for Dan to fill in the blanks.

Tilting his head to make absolutely sure the kids can’t hear his voice over the sound of the television, he whispers, “I- we don’t do that. And... no one is watching right now, so maybe we... shouldn’t.”

“Oh.” Phil sounds hurt. “Okay then.” His voice is flat, and Dan cringes at the sound of it.

“Phil-“

“I get it,” he says, a little louder than they’d been speaking.

“I’m sorry, I just-“

“Drop it, please?” Phil’s voice is wavering now, and when Dan turns to look at him, his eyes are pleading.

“Okay...” Dan says slowly. He turns back to the film, trying to ignore the weight of his heart and the loosening of Phil’s grip.

~~~

That night, once the kids have all gone to bed, Dan crawls into bed beside Phil with a yawn. “I’m exhausted,” he announces, sighing when his head comes into contact with the pillow.

“I’m sorry,” Phil whispers.

Dan lifts his head to squint at his best friend. “Huh?”

“For earlier. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t- I really don’t know why I did it, I just-“

“Are you talking about the neck thing?” Dan asks slowly, trying to decide how to handle this. Phil is staring straight up at the ceiling, unwilling to meet Dan’s gaze, which means he’s either embarrassed or just worried that Dan’s mad at him.

“Yes. I’m so sorry, Dan. There’s... we have boundaries, and I just-“

“Phil,” Dan interrupts him.

“I don’t know what I was thinking! I-“

“Phil,” Dan repeats, patiently.

“I- what?” Phil tilts his head on the pillow to give Dan a perturbed look.

Dan smiles. “It’s fine. Okay? Everything is alright. I didn’t mind. I just- it caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“You didn’t mind,” Phil says slowly, disbelief coloring his tone.

Shrugging, Dan tries not to let his embarrassment show at that admission. “I mean, not really. It felt nice, so...”

“Right,” Phil says, clearing his throat and staring back at the ceiling, a contemplative look on his face.

Dan wants to say something, wants to suggest something a little stupid as far as his already strained heart is concerned, but it won’t leave his mouth. It sits there, clawing at his throat and just begging to be released into the air between them. “I-“ he starts, stuttering to a stop as he tries futilely to get his thoughts together.

“Hm?” Phil hums beside him, turning his head to study Dan.

Swallowing, Dan stares resolutely up at the ceiling as he speaks. “If you want to do, you know... things like that... you can. I don’t... I really don’t mind it.”

“What?” Phil asks, his tone hard to decipher from how quiet his voice has fallen.

“Like... the neck kissing thing. If that’s something that you think might make the whole fake fiancé thing more believable, or if you just, I dunno, if you’re, um, well, if for some reason you feel the need to-“

“Stop, please,” Phil suddenly interrupts, his voice hard.

“Oh, sorry- what?”

“Stop. I don’t- I’m not like, frustrated, or something. I don’t need you to... just like, say that I can do that sort of thing just to make myself feel better.” His voice is bitter, and Dan’s stomach sinks with nerves as he realizes that he’s said the wrong thing this time.

“Oh... I... Okay.”

Phil is silent for a long time and when he finally speaks, his voice has taken on a softer tone. “I shouldn’t have done it, Dan. I’m sorry. But you’re right, we aren’t...” he clears his throat then. “We aren’t actually together, and it was inappropriate for me to touch you like that without asking first.”

Dan hates himself for the way his eyes well up with tears as he listens to Phil speak. He hates that he wishes he could correct Phil, wishes there was a false statement to correct. But there’s not, and Phil’s right- they aren’t actually together, and to act like they are in private is a dangerous game.

“Okay,” Dan whispers, his voice wet.

Phil sighs exasperatedly, so Dan isn’t expecting it when he rolls over, throwing an arm around his waist and burying his nose into Dan’s shoulder. “I...” he trails off, closing his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry, bear.”

Dan swallows hard. “Don’t be.” He closes his eyes against the wetness there, trying to blink it away. “We’re okay, yeah?”

There’s a long moment of silence, and Dan’s gut swirls with anxiety the longer it’s uninterrupted. “Yeah,” Phil finally whispers. “We’re okay.”

~~~

By the next morning, the events of the previous night are well behind them. Perhaps that’s actually just due to the lack of desire to talk it out and figure out exactly what happened there, but Dan will take the silence on the subject as a good thing. He expects they’ll have a nice lie-in, since he wakes up with Phil still curled around him. Dan’s shameless in the way he snuggles back into him, ready to take advantage of this extra snuggle time.

The twins have other ideas, however, waking them up about half an hour later begging for breakfast. They start their day after that, albeit reluctantly on Dan’s part. After a late breakfast and some lounging around watching TV, it’s almost time for Levi to go to his group therapy.

Dan leaves the twins at home with Phil to drive Levi to the address Sophie had given him. In the car, he can tell Levi is unsettled but obviously unwilling to acknowledge his own fear of attending the session. The car ride over is mostly silent, Levi avoiding all of Dan’s attempts at conversation until they’ve pulled up outside the building.

“Here we are,” Dan announces, forcing a cheery smile as he looks over at the teenager. Levi stares over at the building, his hand curling around the door handle, knuckles white. “You alright?” Dan questions gently, trying not to press him.

Levi glances over. He frowns. “Do I have to go?”

It’s not really what Dan expected him to stay, but he tries to handle his answer in a parenting way. “You do, unfortunately,” He grimaces as he says it. “You might get us both in trouble if you don’t go.”

“Right,” Levi says. He clears his throat then, glancing between the building and Dan. “Are you…”

“Do you want me to come inside with you?” Dan asks him, keeping his tone neutral so that Levi doesn’t feel swayed either way.

After a moment, Levi shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. But… You’ll be here to pick me up after, right?”

Dan frowns. He hates that Levi even feels the need to ask that. “Yes, of course, Levi. It’s over at two, right?”

Levi nods. “Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll be waiting right here, yeah?”

“Okay. Erm… See you, then.”

“Bye, Levi. Text me if you need anything.” Dan waits until Levi’s walked all the way up to the door before he starts to leave, glancing back just to make sure he’s really gone inside and then pulling out of the parking lot.

He’s got some time to kill, an hour, actually, so he decides to use that time to pick up a few necessities. He texts Phil to ask if they need anything other than milk and new lightbulbs, and Phil asks him to pick up some more pigeon food, per Jaiden’s request. Dan smiles and rolls his eyes at the text but replies with an affirmative before heading to the shops.

As he’s walking the aisles, his phone begins ringing in his pocket. He sends an apologetic glance to the older lady who startles at the sound, quickly moving to dig it out before it can disturb anyone else. He’s expecting Phil’s name, so when he sees “Mum” instead, he’s a little confused.

“Hi?” he answers, a little confused.

“That’s one way to greet your only mother,” she muses, clearly teasing.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Hello, mum. How are you? How’s Colin?”

“You do realize you ask after the dog more than your own flesh and blood, Daniel.”

It’s not news to him, but he still pretends to be shocked. “I just want to know how the most important family member is doing, Mum. I can’t have a dog of my own yet, so he’s the next best thing.”

“I bet the kids would love a dog.” There’s a hint of challenge in her voice, as if by answering this Dan might be admitting to something wrong.

He takes it. “Oh, they’d be thrilled. Phil’s got Mia infatuated with corgis,” he says smoothly, waiting for her biting response.

They hadn’t spoken much since he told her that they had a placement. He’d phoned her a few times, obviously, but he hadn’t divulged much about the kids other than their names and hints of anecdotes that he’d love to share if she was more receptive to the idea of hearing them. So far, she’d only made the vaguest of comments about his new life, but she’d been obnoxiously cryptic about the reasons that she felt this fake relationship with Phil was a bad idea.

He hated that he was starting to understand her point.

“How are they?” His mum surprises him by asking. “You hardly ever tell me anything about them, you know.”

Dan looks down at the basket in his hand, only containing Phil’s shampoo he remembered him complaining was almost empty the other morning. “Er- well, I didn’t think you really wanted to know anything about them.” He feels silly even saying it, but it’s the truth.

“Dan, honey, of course I want to know about them. They’re the biggest part of your life right now, and obviously I want to know about that.” She laughs then, sounding tired. “I just assumed you didn’t want me knowing anything.”

And that definitely is typical of them, to get their wires crossed like this. “No, mum, of course not. I… Yeah, I want you to know things about them. Um… Actually, we’re fostering their older brother now, too.”

“Oh, blimey. There’s more of them?” She sounds surprised, as if people aren’t allowed to have more than two children. That makes Dan roll his eyes.

“Yes, mum, but as far as we know, it’s just the three of them. Levi was… er, well, he was in a group home. But he lives with us now, too.”

There’s a brief silence, stretching out long enough that Dan pulls the phone away to make sure the call hasn’t disconnected. Then, he hears his mother’s voice, quiet and soft. “You’re doing an incredible thing for those children, Daniel. Really.”

And he’s not sure how to respond to such honesty from her, so it takes him a moment to respond. He glances down, clearing his throat as he tries to gather his thoughts. “Oh. Well, um, thank you, I guess.”

His mum laughs. “You never were one for gracefully accepting a compliment, were you?”

He scoffs, planning to argue, but stops. It’s not really a lie, after all. He sighs. “Okay, yeah, I guess you’re right about that.”

“I know I am. Now are you going to tell me anything about the children or shall I call Phil?” She sounds amused, and he can almost picture her quirking an eyebrow as she waits for his response.

With a laugh, he begins telling her about how sweet the kids are, talking about how much Jaiden reminds him of Phil and how Amelia is their little princess. He’s a little quieter about Levi, telling his mum that he doesn’t know enough about him to say much yet. She seems to understand but hums along and laughs at all the right spots in his stories about the twins, and it’s strange how it feels like she’s really listening to him for once. He’s not used to that feeling, but his heart is undeniably full by the end of their call.

He checks the time and sees it’s almost time to go pick Levi up, so he finishes his shopping and checks out, depositing the bags into the backseat before heading back to the group meeting. It’s taking place in a community center not far from their flat, which is a relief to Dan, who was really not looking forward to the long drive back to the foster home every Saturday. Luckily, they outsource the group therapy sessions after the children had been moved out of group homes, and it just so happened that they lived pretty close to the meeting place.

Dan’s sat in the car waiting for Levi, tapping a rhythm against the steering wheel absently while he watches the door. Eventually, it opens, and a few people begin walking out, all around the same age as Levi. Dan waits, watching the kids closely until he spots Levi’s familiar dark hair. He watches as he walks down the steps talking to a girl about his age, and it takes Dan a moment to realize why she looks familiar.

Levi looks around, nodding to Dan when he sees his car. Dan watches as he turns back to Charlotte, probably bidding her goodbye. Charlotte is smiling kindly at him, and she waves cheerfully before turning to leave. Dan doesn’t miss the way Levi stares after her for a moment, a smile twitching at his lips before he shoves his hands into his pockets and makes his way over to the car.

He climbs in and glances at Dan, tugging at his seatbelt. “What?” Levi mutters.

“Hm?” Dan hums, trying to hide his smile.

“You’ve got like, this weird look on your face,” Levi explains, gesturing at Dan vaguely.

Dan shrugs, turning the steering wheel to get back onto the road. “No reason. How was it?”

“Fine,” Levi mumbles.

“Hm. Make any friends?” He asks, trying to keep the implication out of his voice. He knows he’s failed when he glances at Levi and sees a flush on his cheeks.

“That’s- are you, like, making fun of me?” Levi demands, sounding annoyed.

Dan frowns. “What? No, Levi. Absolutely not.” He shakes his head to punctuate his words. “Of course, I’m not. I was really just asking because, er…” He debates what he should tell him about Charlotte. He figures they’ve probably realized they go to the same school, so he blurts it out. “I know Charlotte, is all, so I was just wondering if you and her hit it off.”

“Oh,” Levi says slowly. “I mean, yeah, I guess. She’s nice.”

“She’s a lovely girl,” Dan agrees. “Smart, too, does really well in her classes.”

“Hm,” Levi says, clearly uninterested in continuing this conversation.

Dan completely understands that, but he can’t help but take the piss, just a little. “So…” Levi sends him a look. Dan bites his lip to keep from laughing. “Did you get her number?”

Levi stares at him. Dan glances at him when he slows down for a stop sign. Levi clears his throat and looks out the window. “I’m not talking about this with you.” Even with the words being a little harsh, Dan can hear the amusement in his voice.

“Right, sorry.” Dan replies, nodding along in a responsible sort of way. After a moment, he peeks over at him again, holding back a laugh as he asks, “So… is that a yes?”

Levi groans dramatically, following it with a quiet laugh. Dan can’t help but join in. “You’re kinda nosy,” Levi observes, not unkindly.

Dan shrugs at this. “Maybe. But you’re avoiding answering the question, and that in itself speaks volumes.” This seems to startle Levi, but before he can make any sort of comment, Dan pulls the car into the parking garage of the apartment. “Home sweet home!”

~~~

After the kids have gone to bed that night, Dan finds himself in his room with Phil, neither of them quite ready for sleep yet. Phil is sat reading a book with his glasses sliding down his nose every so often, and Dan is laid beside him, his cheek resting against Phil’s thigh as he prattles on about his day quietly.

“I just think it’s nice, you know,” He rambles on a yawn.

“Mhm,” is Phil’s reply.

Dan sighs, vaguely annoyed at Phil’s seeming lack of interest. “Are you even listening to me?” he demands, twisting to gaze up at Phil.

Phil rolls his eyes but meets Dan’s gaze. “Yes, bear, I’m listening. You said it’s nice that Levi and Charlotte are friends. You’ve said it about three times now,” he says gently, his lips quirking up in an amused smile.

His face a little warmer now, Dan glances away. “Oh. Sorry.”

There’s a laugh from above Dan and he hears the sound of Phil placing his book on his nightstand, followed by the feeling of a hand carding through his hair. “Time for sleep?” Phil asks, his voice fond.

Dan nods, closing his eyes and nuzzling into Phil’s hand as he scratches lightly across Dan’s scalp. “Yeah,” he sighs. “Sorry I ramble so much about stupid stuff. I’ll learn when to shut up eventually.”

Phil gently tugs on a curl in reprimand. “Don’t say that. I love listening to you talk, and it doesn’t bother me if you ramble. And our kids are not stupid stuff, sir.”

Dan can’t help the grin that stretches across his lips at that last part. “That’s disgustingly sappy. I’m gonna puke.”

“Ew, do it on the floor, not the bed. I’m not cleaning up your sick,” Phil teases.

When Dan cracks an eye open, Phil’s nose is crinkled adorably and Dan laughs. He reaches up and boops him gently on that crooked nose, making Phil go a little cross-eyed as he follows Dan’s finger. “There’s the Phil I know,” he jokes. “I thought maybe you were an imposter, being all sweet.”

Phil smiles down at him, his thumb tracing along Dan’s eyebrows. “I’m always sweet,” he protests mildly.

Dan giggles. “Does that mean I’m sour?”

Rolling his eyes, Phil cups Dan’s cheek with one hand, the other moving from his eyebrows back into his curls. “Probably.”

“You know, if you were milk, I think you’d be sour milk,” Dan observes, his brain so short on sleep that it’s rattling things off as if he’s got no filter. Which, sometimes, he guesses, he really doesn’t.

“You think?” Phil asks, clearly holding back a laugh.

“Yeah.” Dan nods. “I think cause you’re so pale you’re almost green sometimes. You’d be spoiled milk. Or cheese.” He sort of cackles after he’s said it, the imagery striking him as funny now that it’s out there.

“I think you’re sleepy,” Phil says softly, his thumb stroking along Dan’s cheekbones.

Dan smiles, turning his face to nuzzle against the palm of Phil’s hand. “I am. Cuddle?”

Phil smiles right back, leaning away to turn the lamp off, casting the room in darkness. The mattress shifts as he lays down, and Dan patiently waits for him to get comfortable before they sort out their cuddling position. “Big spoon or little, baby?”

“Little,” Dan says after a moment of consideration. He turns over onto his side and presses himself back, searching for Phil’s hand to hold after he’s wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist. “Night, Philly,” he sighs contently.

There’s a kiss pressed to the back of his neck then. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

The room is silent for several moments, and Dan can feel himself drifting off to sleep. Something is mumbled against his skin, but he’s already too far gone, and it drifts away.

[kumkaniudaku]

The Love Tonight (2)

The Love Tonight (1)

From the moment dinner ended, prepping and planning for the big night during the week continued to evolve into a beast that Chadwick could not contain. His assigned job was to "show up and look good," instructions that were relayed to him on more than one occasion. This left him in the dark about anything that did not involve his wardrobe and Noah's babysitting plans. 

So, as he sat in the living room bouncing his son from knee to knee to pass the time, his mind swirled with all of the possibilities the night held. The first of his questions were answered when the sound of heels clicking against the hardwood floors grabbed his attention. 

Instead of dresses, Tasha decided to take her stylist's advice and indulge in the blazer trend of the summer. Naturally, Micah followed suit, making the mother-daughter moment event more adorable. Teal and bronze tones were the motif of the night with both outfits fitting the scheme in their unique ways. Micah dazzled in a kid-friendly relaxed suit that perfectly fused her parents' tastes. While the teal blue suit was one that her father was no stranger to, the bronze heels and accessories were her mother's touch. 

CoCo took the cost-efficient chic route and used a very familiar piece to her advantage. After learning that the Versace blazer he husband donned at the NAACP awards earlier in the year was part of the women's line, she made sure it was available to repurpose and reuse. The beautiful animal print across the garment was perfect for the Lion King Carpet, and by choosing to forgo a shirt and show a little skin, it was also age-appropriate. The bold top paired well with a simple pair of trousers that matched the shade of blue accenting the print and bronze accessories. 

It was Micah's idea that she be allowed to wear her hair free and curly while Tasha made sure to make a trip to the barbershop to sharpen her growing tapered cut. 

"Well, would you look at what we have here? I feel like I need to change." Chadwick was careful to pass Noah along to Yvonne before making his way over to his favorite set of women. Stopping at his wife first, he took a moment to trace his finger down the necklace draped in her cleavage. "Who gave you permission to come out and slay like this?" 

"Slay? Is that how we talkin' now," she laughed. "Thank you, baby." 

"I vote thumbs down, Chad. Not a good look." 

As he fixed his mouth to reply to Yvonne with a snarky remark, the small but dramatic clearing of someone's throat caught Chadwick's attention. 

"Now...where did that mighty roar come from? I don't have any lions!" 

"It's me, daddy! Down here!" 

In true dad fashion, Chadwick kept the charade going to keep Micah laughing for as long as possible. Finally, he acknowledged her with a surprised look etched across his face. 

"Wha- Mikey, is that you? I thought you were a pretty lion with all that hair!" 

"Like Simba?" 

"Just like Simba. You look nice, Princess." 

"Pretty enough for pictures?" 

"Of course, Princess." 

Even on a strict schedule, time was made to capture the family as a unit for personal memories and individual social media accounts. For a child that had only been to one Hollywood event in her entire life, Micah handled the moment with the grace of someone ten times her age. She spent most of the ride alternating between taking cute filtered pictures with Tasha and singing songs from the movie's soundtrack with Chadwick. When the car for the night approached the venue, and all of Hollywood's elite came into view, both parents could sense their first born's excitement. 

"We get to go in there with all those people," she asked, her hands and face pressed against the heavily tinted window. "Do they know our names?"

"Maybe. Are you scared to get out, Princess? Do you want me to carry you?"

Tearing her eyes away from the scene, Micah whipped her head around to her father and scrunched her face, "I'm in first grade. I know how to walk." 

"I told him the same thing, Boop. Daddy's silly. Let's go."

Chadwick sat back against the cool leather of his seat with a hilariously incredulous look plastered on his face as Tasha helped Micah exit the vehicle. It took Micah's repeated urging for him to join her side and start on the path toward the red carpet. 

The flicker of cameras around them paled in comparison to the wonder shining through Micah's eyes. Every step of the way she marveled at the gowns that glittered under the setting sun, comparing the men and women she walked past to King's and Queens. 

"Mommy, she has hair like me!" 

"Don't point, baby. That's rude."

"But look! Her hair is like mine! Look!"

While Chadwick answered questions from a nearby reporter, Tasha followed her daughter's finger across the way to see the object of Micah's affection. 

"What's her name, Mommy?"

"That's Shahadi Wright-Joseph. She plays little Nala in the new movie." She half smiled as Micah watched Shahadi's every move, even mimicking some of her actions. Stooping down, she became eye level with the oldest Boseman child. "You wanna go say, hi?"

"Does she know my name?"

"We can go and tell her. You wanna?"

Her hair bounced rapidly with her nodding before Micah linked her hand in her mother's and tugged her along. Shahadi noticed the pair right away as they approached, paying particular attention to the little girl with a special twinkle in her eye. 

"Wow, look at your pretty hair," she exclaimed. "You are so pretty. What's your name?"

"Micah Noelle Boseman. I like your dress."

Both Tasha and Shahadi laughed at her emphasis on her entire name. 

"Thank you! I like your purse. What do you have in it?"

"Cheetos and popcorn for a snack!" 

"I think I need to sit by you. I might get hungry." 

Opening her purse, Micah pointed to its contents, "You can have some. I can share!"

"You're the cutest! Can I take a picture with you?" 

Micah happily accepted the request before proudly displaying the few teeth the tooth fairy had yet to claim. 

"It's like looking into the future," Chadwick commented as he approached CoCo's side. "Remember when she was a baby? Now we almost have a kid in double digits." 

"We should have one more for old time's sake." 

Chadwick's bewildered response became nothing more than an unintelligible whisper amid chaos. Instinct prompted Tasha to pull Micah close to her side as the people around them began a mad dash to clear the walkway for a presence that she could not see. 

"If you knock her down, your ass is next," she directed toward a hasty cameraman who quickly apologized. "What the hell is going on?" 

"I think somebody important is here." 

All eyes were fixated on the red carpet to get a glimpse of the guests of honor. In matching blazer ensembles, Beyonce and Blue Ivy strode past the crowd like royalty. Tasha hadn't considered the possibility that her best friend in her head would be present, let alone 20 feet away from her with screaming fans shouting at her from all directions. 

"Baby, do the thing," she urged her husband as she bumped her elbow into his arm. 

"What? What are you talking about?" 

"Be famous and get her attention. Tell her to come over here!" 

"T, she knows who you are. Just say, hi." 

"Hi, Ms. Beyonce!" 

Micah's high-pitched voice seemed to boom above the chatter around them, catching Blue's attention before Beyonce's. When she looked over to wave back, her eyes lit up at the sight of Tasha and Chadwick awkwardly standing behind their excited child. 

"Hey, y' all!" A quick sidestep and shield of protection from security brought the entertainer closer to the Boseman family. "Oh my God, y' all should've told me you were coming. We could've set something up." 

"We still have time," Tasha blurted, unable to keep her words tucked behind her lips. Chadwick gave her a cheeky side-eye and a half-smile. He'd never known her to be nervous when meeting new people, so the opportunity to see his wife flustered for even a moment was a sight to behold. 

"You sure, baby? What about the kids? 'Vonne has-" 

"She'll understand. We talked already." 

"When?" 

"You know, when…" Tasha's voice began to trail at the tail end of her sentence as she searched her brain for an adequate lie. "We talked. Don't worry about it." 

Beyonce looked between the couple with an amused glint in her eyes and smiled, "I'll take that as a yes from the Mrs." 

"And a yes from me!" 

"Is that right, pretty girl? Are you, Miss Micah? You know, I've heard a lot about you!" 

Micah latched on to the star's outstretched hand and smiled. "I know your songs. Me and my mommy saw you on TV really late at night. Daddy said to go to sleep, but we just got real quiet, so we could still dance." 

"Is that right," she laughed. "Did you like the songs?" 

Tasha and Chadwick braced themselves for Micah to blurt lyrics or begin her "special" Formation choreography but found her sporting a grin that stretched across her entire face and nodding her head. 

"All of them! I listen to them in the car before school." 

"What if I told you I made a song for you? Would you be happy?" Micah looked back to her parents for confirmation, finding confused looks from both of them before turning to Beyonce. "I can't wait until you hear it. It's all about your -." 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Carter, but we have to keep moving. They need you all seated soon." 

Acknowledging the comment, Beyonce made sure to bid the Boseman family a proper goodbye before disappearing down the remainder of the carpet. They received similar instructions soon after before being ushered into the Dolby Theatre for the main event. 

Micah buzzed in her seat before the lights could go down inside the theatre, eventually settling for her father's lap for a better view. From the opening song, she was utterly mesmerized by the sights and sounds of The Lion King's newest visuals. She sang along to every song uninhibited, often charming viewers around her into joining the fun. By the end of the film, through light tears and laughter, Micah was the first to lead the room's applause. She couldn't wait to break free from the shackles of forced silence inside the theater to voice her praise for the film. With her father's shoulders acting as her preferred mode of transportation, the little ball of energy began a full breakdown of what she'd just witnessed. 

"And-and the pig was so funny. He did the thing like you, Daddy. He was like 'WARTHOG'! Did you see it? Did you?" 

Laughing, Chadwick reached up to playfully tickle her sides, "I saw it, baby girl."

"Mommy, you're like Nala! Except you can't sing, 'cause that's Ms. Beyonce singing. Can we be Lion King for Halloween or is Daddy still in trouble for hitting the clown?" 

CoCo felt tears prick the corner of her eyes as she fought back the urge to cackle at her husband's expense. Clowngate had been a sensitive subject around the family that Chadwick had yet to escape. 

"Of course we can. Daddy can be Zazu so he doesn't hurt anybody with those claws." 

"I feel like we can let the past be the past now," Chadwick retorted, side-eyeing his wife and earning another stifled laugh. 

Micah continued to rattle off high points of the night as they entered the car and started their journey home. Naturally, she requested the movie's soundtrack as entertainment during the ride, demanding that all of the car's occupants join in for an off-key cover of Hakuna Matata. 

In the middle of the song, Micah quietly wrapped her arms around Chadwick's midsection and squeezed with all of her strength. 

"Thank you, Daddy. I love you soooo much!" 

Something about the way she hugged him with pure appreciation and sincerity made Chadwick tear up as he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. 

"I love you, too, little one. I love you, too." 

Tasha observed the moment with a smile, preferring to remain a spectator to allow time for necessary bonding. These were memories that both of them would cherish for the rest of their lives. That knowledge was enough to produce a permanent smile on her end. 

When Chadwick looked up and away to stop his tears from falling, he caught a glimpse of his wife, who grabbed his hand to run her thumb across his knuckles before adding a soft kiss. 

"You're the best dad ever. Don't ever forget it." 

He offered quiet thanks before kissing her cheek and resting his chin on top of CoCo's head. The opening flutes and vocals gave way to melodic vocals from Donald Glover and Beyonce's cover of Can You Feel the Love Tonight, gently lulling everyone into a comfortable silence. Chadwick took a look out of the car's sunroof to get a glimpse of the stars dotting the onyx sky above them. As he stared, he tried to commit each one to memory for a day when being a dad or a partner wasn't so easy. This was a moment Chadwick knew he would cherish long after the kids were grown and out of the house. 

The soft buzz of his phone drew attention to a text from the last number he ever expected to see. 

You two got out of there fast. Still coming out later? Would love to have you two. 

Secretly reading the message, CoCo nudged his arm and shook her head. 

"Not this time. We'll have other chances, right?" 

Chadwick silently agreed before quickly typing out his apology for declining the offer. After taking a final glimpse at the night sky and giving thanks to the Creator, he closed his eyes to listen to the song's final chorus. 

"Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings? The world, for once, in perfect harmony…"

------

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[the-demelza-robins]

Out of Hand (Draco Malfoy x Astoria Greengrass Fake Dating AU)

hey here’s a fake dating au! hope you enjoy. you can also read it on ff.net, if you want...

summary: Astoria tapped her wine glass, an idea occurring to her. She knew just what would set Narcissa really off, and she didn't care about the consequences. "All in all, I'd love to consider dating him, if I weren't so infatuated with your son." Narcissa's wine glass fell to the floor, shattering immediately.

words: ~4k

“I’m sure you’ve been enjoying the French coast,” Narcissa Malfoy said, taking a small sip from the wine glass balanced delicately in her fingers.

“Very much so,” Astoria said, taking a slightly larger sip from her own glass. The formal get-together at Malfoy mansion had only started a few minutes ago, but the young woman was already bored out of her mind. “Daphne finds it rather peaceful, and my mother loves it as well.”

“Why did you move there, anyway? I was always under the impression that the Greengrass mansion wasn’t too expensive to uphold.”

It was a veiled act of aggression - implying that the modest Greengrass mansion was not affordable - and Astoria treated it as such. “Oh, no,” she said, waving her hand airily. “It was well within our means. We just wanted a house in a better neighborhood, away from all the Wizarding drama.”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes. “Ophelia always has been great at dodging crises. It’s part of her flighty nature, of course.”

“Of course,” Astoria said. “Hunkering down and subjecting oneself to undue stress never does quite pay off, does it? Though you seem to have done pretty well, considering.” She let herself smile just enough for her message to become clear: no passive-aggressive insults would work on her. At least, not now.

The older woman took another sip from her glass and changed the subject quickly, her eyes never completely leaving her companion’s face during the time it took for hors d’œuvres to be passed out. It was only when the conversation veered back into dangerous territory - Astoria and Daphne’s relationship status - that the young woman went on guard again.

“It really is a shame, you know,” Narcissa said, with a face that suggested she thought it was anything but. Their conversation had been joined by Lucius Malfoy and Rue Nott, a stocky woman whose son, Theo, Astoria hated with a passion. The two adults listened with bated breath as Narcissa took another sip of wine (her glass had been refilled twice already, and it was only an hour in) and continued, “two girls — lovely, in an unconventional way, if you don’t mind me saying — with adequate financials and connections — not a large amount of either, mind you, but enough — and yet they remain unmarried, unsolicited! If you don’t mind me saying,” she said, with a glance at Astoria that once again showed she didn’t care what Astoria thought about her little monologue, “there must be something wrong… hard to tell, hard to tell, but I find that most faults in children can usually be traced back to the parenting… and what with William out of the picture, I must sorrily conclude that the fault lies within Ophelia.”

“Must you?” Astoria asked through clenched teeth.

Narcissa gave her an appraising glance. “I must,” she said, sounding not the least bit regretful. “And — again, if you don’t mind me saying, Astoria dear — I might be able to help. You see, Lucius has often feuded with one of his co-workers at the Ministry… this co-worker is quite a disaster, and almost poor, but no matter… he has plenty of children, and one of them is two years older than you. You must remember him from your Hogwarts days - Ron Weasley?”

Rue burst into fits of laughter, and Lucius smirked. Narcissa looked rather pleased with herself. “Well, dear?”

“The Weasleys are quite revered these days,” Astoria said, pretending to consider it. “They’re famous, you know… not so poor anymore, I’d be surprised if they didn’t have more money then you… and, after all, they did save the Wizarding world from Voldemort. Of course, in doing so, they ruined your prospects and reputation, so I’m surprised you’d want to further their status even more by suggesting the match.” She tapped her wine glass, an idea occurring to her. She knew just what would set Narcissa really off, and she didn’t care about the consequences. “All in all, I’d love to consider it, if I weren’t so infatuated with your son.”

Narcissa’s wine glass fell to the floor, shattering immediately.

**

Astoria stood in the powder room, feeling rather pleased with herself. She’d been able to feel the party imploding around her after she’d said those words and excused herself, and the thrill was unmatchable. The older Malfoys had been the bane of her existence for awhile now, and she could hardly believe she’d managed to pull it off. Narcissa would be furious at the fact that her son would stoop so low as to get involved with a Greengrass.

She let herself laugh. To anyone waiting outside, she probably sounded insane (and maybe she was a little insane, but that’s beside the point) but it was therapeutic. After the week she’d had, and the diagnosis she’d received…

Well, it was safe to say that she no longer cared about her reputation. Or marriage. Or financials. She would not be reaching the age of fifty, so why bother with any of it? Why bother what Narcissa Malfoy thought?

She decided it was time to rejoin the party. After all, it would be fun to watch Narcissa’s attempts at salvaging the night. She stepped back into the entrance hall and was immediately accosted by Rose Parkinson, her pug-like face the same as her daughter’s.

“Is it true?” she demanded, blocking Astoria from walking any further.

The younger woman feigned innocence. “What’s true?”

Rose sneered. “That you are dating Draco Malfoy.”


Astoria laughed. “Of course it is. Why would I lie?” She considered throwing in some eyelash-batting for good measure, but ultimately refrained - after all, that might be taking it a little too far.

The other woman’s lip curled. “Well, you should know that you won’t last five days with him. My Pansy’s been all over him since September, so whatever game you’re playing -”

“What game?” a new voice asked. To Astoria’s horror, Draco Malfoy himself was standing next to her. When he caught her terrified expression, he smirked slightly. Then, as naturally as one could be, he draped an arm across her shoulders.

Ms. Parkinson looked outraged.


“What game?” Astoria repeated, her tone the epitome of polite condescension. The mother stormed off, shaking her head and muttering.

Before Astoria could say anything to her ‘boyfriend’, Narcissa approached, saying, “Draco, dear, how nice to see you.”


“The same to you, mother,” he replied, taking a wine glass from a nearby tray.

The older woman looked at the both of them, her eyes searching for something off. Astoria guessed that she hadn’t found anything, for she refocused her gaze on her son and said, “Well, I can’t say that this was expected.”

Draco shot a look at Astoria — something along the lines of You owe me — before responding, “True love never is, Mother.”

“Of course.” She turned to Astoria. “Astoria dear, I must apologize for our earlier conversation. I  think you’ll agree when I say it got a bit out of hand.”

“Apology accepted,” the other woman replied. She knew that Narcissa must’ve been expecting her to apologize as well, but she didn’t. Smirking slightly, she turned so she was facing her ‘boyfriend’ and whispered into his ear, “Arms around my waist. We aren’t best mates, we’re in love.”

He laughed — Narcissa looked scandalized — and moved his arm to her waist. She turned back to his mother, who cleared her throat and said, “And when did you start…”

“Dating?” Astoria supplied helpfully.

The older woman winced. “Yes, that.”

Astoria turned to Draco again. He cocked an eyebrow at her. She fiddled with his tie a bit, then said, “Well, it must’ve been six weeks ago.”

He nodded. “Yes, that sounds about right.”

“I didn’t get to see him much at school, you know, but he did have quite a crush on me.”

“I did?” Draco asked.

“Yes, you did,” Astoria said through gritted teeth, giving his tie a discreet yank.

He cleared his throat. “Right, I remember now. I was very, ah, charmed by her.”

“How wonderful,” Narcissa said. “Well, if you’ll excuse me… I think Lucius would like to see this…”

And so the evening truly began.

**

Hours later, after explaining the nature of their relationship to every nosy partygoer, Draco pulled Astoria into the gardens. They wandered in silence for awhile — Astoria noticed that her companion had not removed his arm from her waist (but she didn’t mind much) before sitting down at the edge of a fountain a ways away from the main event.

“Right,” Draco said, letting his arm drop from her waist. “So what stunt have you pulled this time, Astoria?” His voice had changed dramatically - no longer was it the lovesick one he’d been using non-stop inside; rather, it was a mixture between annoyance and confusion.

“Do you know how awful your mother is?” Astoria asked, standing up and beginning to pace. He watched her cross the area in front of the fountain, his eyes never leaving her frame.

“I think she has some nice qualities,” he said. “She is my mother.”

“Well, sorry. Your mum’s a psychopath.”

“I like her.”


“We all know you’re a psychopath too, so I’ll have to take your opinion with a grain of salt.”

His eyes narrowed, and Astoria realized she might’ve gone a little too far. “I’m doing you a favor, you know,” he said pointedly.

“I’m aware. And I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

“So why are you doing this, again?”

“Your mother was delicately suggesting that the reason I don’t have any suitors is because my mother doesn’t love me enough.”

“Okay,” he said, though his tone remained disbelieving.

“When I say it aloud, it does sound a bit stupid,” Astoria said, biting her lip.

“So what did you say?”

“I’d love to date Ron Weasley” — here Draco broke into fits of laughter, and Astoria waited for them to subside before continuing — “if I weren’t so infatuated with you.”

His laughter returned full-force, and this time, Astoria found herself laughing too. It had been a wonderful prank — probably the height of her mischief-making career.

A career that suddenly had less time to grow than she thought. The realization sobered her up quite quickly, and when she stopped laughing, he stopped laughing, too.

“So what’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Astoria said, trying to plaster on a smile and not completely succeeding. “Just tired is all.”

“Bullshit.” He stood up and walked towards her. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life, Astoria, but whatever it is, you owe me.”

“You might want to sit down.”

He remained standing. “Try me.”

She sat. “I have a blood curse.”

Ever since she’d received the diagnosis, Astoria had categorized the way people reacted to it. Some, like her mother, immediately fussed with her. Others, like Pansy, contorted their faces into looks of pity. Others still offered their condolences and never touched upon the subject again. Daphne had fallen into the latter category — though she sometimes asked how Astoria’s “condition” was progressing, most of the time she ignored all signs of the illness that was slowly seeping away at her sister.

Draco’s reaction did not fall into any of these categories. He stood stock-still for a moment, his jaw set in a way that Astoria found undeniably attractive, despite the circumstances. Then, he muttered, “Well, that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

He started pacing back and forth, covering the same stretch of manicured grass multiple times. “Your carelessness and lack of propriety. The sudden move to France. Daphne postponing her wedding.”

“You knew about that?” Astoria asked, surprised. Only immediate friends and family had known about Daphne’s engagement to Blaise Zabini, and the alteration of their wedding plans — it was going to be the night of the diagnosis before the possibility of a blood curse had been discovered.

Draco stopped pacing for a moment, and said, in a way that implied the answer to the question should’ve been obvious, “Blaise is my best mate.”

“Right,” Astoria said, dim memories featuring the two at Hogwarts surfacing. “What else?”

“Your mother, accompanying you everywhere. I saw you two at Diagon Alley last week, you know. She was hovering. ”

“She does that, yes.” Astoria paused. “And how do you know about all of this?”

Again, he rolled his eyes, as if the answer was obvious. “I’m very observant.”

“Always full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Always,” he said, smiling in a way that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He sat down next to Astoria again, and for a second, with his head bowed and his arms splayed in no particular formation, he seemed very, very young — certainly not twenty-one, the heir to the Malfoy household. Astoria’s heart broke a little as she watched him, slumped in on himself like an overly-used rag doll.

As if he sensed her pity, he straightened up again, some remnants of who he’d been at the start of their conversation reappearing. “Want to know another surprise?”

“Sure,” Astoria said, searching his face.

He leaned a little closer to her, eyes never leaving hers. “I’m not all that bothered that you chose me as your fake boyfriend.”

“And why would that be?” Astoria breathed, noticing for the first time that his eyes were slate grey.

He was about to reply when the sound of voices floated through the night air. He cursed, stood up, and offered her a hand. She took it reluctantly and stood up herself.

“What’s our excuse?” he asked, shoving his hands back into the pockets of his slacks.

“Our excuse?” The voices were closer now, and Astoria thought she could make out Narcissa’s high whine and Lucius’s slow drawl within them.

“For being out here.”

“Oh,” Astoria said. “I don’t know.”

A slow smile started to spread across Draco’s features. “How much do you want to piss my parents off?”

“Enough to never step foot in this manor again,” Astoria replied. “What have you got in mind?”

“Just follow my lead,” Draco said, rapidly closing the distance between them. Astoria saw shadows from around the corner of one of the hedges in the maze, and, just before Lucius, Narcissa, and company turned the corner, Draco’s mouth was on hers.

She made a surprised sort of squeak at first, but then, when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed himself into her more, she caught on and reciprocated, hoping that the sound of surprise she’d made could be mistaken for something a little more explicit. She had to admit that his body felt nice up against hers, and that there could certainly be worse things she could be doing than kissing him, even if their relationship was fake. Still, the reality that they were not, in fact, dating in real life was hard to remember when he was touching her like that. In fact, as he started using his tongue in ways that made her skin burn, she almost forgot that the older generation of distinguished purebloods was standing but a few feet away.

“Draco!” Narcissa said after a few moments that Astoria imagined were filled with shock and revulsion (that was what her tone suggested, anyway).

Draco pulled away slowly, winking at Astoria before turning to face the others. His hand remained splayed across her lower back, which was making it hard to concentrate (also making it hard to concentrate was the fact that he had a bit of her lipstick on the upper right corner of his lip, and — well, she was starting to see why almost every Slytherin girl in her year, and the two years above, had been willing to murder for him back in his Hogwarts days). “Yes, Mother?” he asked, so casual, Astoria swore she’d never seen him like this before…

It was Lucius who spoke, then, eyes shifting from his son to her and back again, “So it is true.”

“Of course our relationship is, Father,” Draco replied. “Why would we lie?”

“That seems to be the question,” Rose Parkinson snapped from her spot slightly behind the older Malfoys. “But we owled Ophelia, and she seems to be unaware of the status of your relationship.”

Draco’s hold on Astoria tightened slightly, but she laughed. “Oh, please. You know how forgetful my mother can be.”

Lucius’s eyes narrowed, but before he could reply, his wife stepped forward, voice wavering.

“Draco,” Narcissa said, focusing her attention solely on her son. “Please, dear, you should know better. There’s something she’s not telling you … she is not fit to be your wife…”

“What do you mean?” Draco asked, eyes narrowing in a way that was eerily reminiscent of his father.


His mother glanced nervously at Astoria before continuing in a slightly lower voice, “She is sickly. She will not be able to produce an heir to the Malfoy line, nor will she be able to survive the next twenty years.”

Astoria’s breath hitched, heart pounding. She had already come to terms with the reality of everything that Narcissa had just said, but to hear it aloud, and with such a lack of empathy… It was almost too much.

Draco’s arm dropped from her waist, and she could no longer read him. For a moment, he stared at his mother, jaw set. Then, he cleared his throat. “How dare you,” he said, voice lower and laced with something  that sounded like anger, “how dare you tell me who to love? How dare you assume that I don’t know about her  sickness, that, if I did, I would have run away by now? I love Astoria, and I know about her curse, and I don’t care one bit about ‘continuing the Malfoy line’ or whatever bullshit just came out of your mouth. The world’s better off if there are less people like us, and you should be thankful that Astoria agreed to date me, knowing how tainted and terrible our family is.”

No one spoke. Narcissa seemed to cave in on herself, and Astoria could not recognize the woman who had greeted her at the door only a few hours earlier as the same one standing before her now. Rose appeared to be in a similar state of shock, but there was a hint of glee in her expression, her delight that she’d been able to witness the dissolution of the Malfoy family herself evident. Lucius was the only person still staring at his son, and, as Astoria watched, Draco stared back until his father’s eyes dropped to the ground.

“We’re leaving,” he said, words floating into the night and hanging there.

With that, he took her hand and pulled her away.

**

It was too much to handle. The lie had spiraled far beyond her control, led her to being in this insane and utterly absurd moment, where Draco Malfoy was pulling her by hand away from his parents after having just screamed at them on her behalf.

She started to cry. He stopped walking immediately and turned to face her. It was the first time he’d looked her in the eye since Narcissa had spoken. They had stopped in the middle of one of the hedge passages, having walked far enough that the worried voices of his parents and Rose Parkinson were not longer audible.

“I’m sorry,” she said, rapidly blinking away tears. “I’m so, so, sorry, Draco, I was so stupid and petty and it all got out of hand, and now you did that, and I’m —

“It’s fine, Astoria,” he said, but something about it didn’t entirely ring true. “I could’ve brushed you off. I didn’t. I — I’m just as responsible for this as you are.”

“But… they’re your parents.”

“But now I know what you meant when you said that my mother was awful. Regardless of our, ah, relationship” —he gestured to their hands, still linked — “I would’ve stood up for you anyway. Just because you’re cursed doesn’t mean… doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the world.” The last part was said in a whisper, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. Astoria knew what he was feeling. 


“Girls used to die for you, you know,” she said, unable to think of anything else.

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Literally?”

“No. But they — you were all I heard about until you graduated, when it came to my friends’ crushes.”

He smirked. “I was quite popular at Hogwarts. Before… everything.”

“I never understood it,” Astoria continued, still unsure as to why she was telling him this. “Fine, you were moderately attractive —”

“Moderately?” he asked.

“Don’t get cocky,” she warned, brushing away the wetness on her cheeks.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“As I was saying, you were moderately attractive, but you were so mean.”

He looked away, refusing to meet her eyes. “Yeah?”

“You’ve changed.”

“Not enough.”

“It’s a start,” she argued.

“I’m still awful. You saw me with my parents.”

“They deserved it.”

His gaze snapped back to hers. “I guess they did.”

“You’ve got a little lipstick there,” she said quietly, eyes catching the spot from before.  

“Is that so?” His hand went to the wrong side of his mouth.

“No, it’s — it’s on the other side.”

He rubbed it off and cleared his throat. The shadow from the hedges cast interesting patterns on his face. “Astoria, I —”

“It’s okay,” Astoria said, cutting him off before he could reject her. “You can say we broke up. Make me look terrible as much as you want for them to believe it.”  

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Oh.”

“I’m glad that you pinned this whole fake relationship on me. And I’m glad that I got to yell at my mother as a result of it. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

“Well, I did want to get kicked out of the Manor,” Astoria muttered.

He corner of his mouth quirked up. “You’ve most definitely succeeded.”

“Great. I just feel bad for you. You have to live here.”

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “I could kiss you. For saying that.”

“You could,” she said, causing him to reopen his eyes in surprise. “If you wanted to.”

He tugged her closer, let go of her hand in favor of putting his on her waist. “Yeah?” he whispered, eyes searching hers.

“Yeah.”

“Might have to take you up on that offer.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just kiss me, Draco.”

He did.

**

It was only when the kisses turned from sweet and slow into something else that they stopped.

“Go out with me, Astoria?” Draco murmured, close enough that their breaths mixed.

“But what about —”

“I don't care,” he said. “I don't. I want you.”

Astoria sucked in a breath. “Then, yes. To your question, I mean. I'll go out with you.”

“Good. Now that that's settled...” he brushed his lips against hers. “How about we get out of here?”

“Gladly.”

[kylecoopers]

don’t you know i’m no good for you? i’ve learned to lose, you can’t afford to.

usually i DON’T post event threads but BC OF THE FACT THAT I THINK THIS HAD A LOT OF GROWTH FOR KYLE and also bc i really don’t wanna lose it, i’m gonna save it. so um ty @scnnydee katie for putting up w/ me all night to write this bc u helped me w/ kyle sm wow

trigger warnings: i’m gonna just urge u to be cautious while reading it as a whole bc of the emotions n stuff but im p sure nobody’s gonna read this shit FDALKSJHG

face illuminated by the burning fire in front of him, kyle sat mainly to himself. a random concoction had been created in the red solo cup he held in his hand, the condensation making his hands cold to the touch. he simply found himself admiring the scene around him, the bodies of people that slowly multiplied as the night burned on. it was something he'd never witnessed, no summer night nostalgia was there to bring him back to anything like this. it was new to him, new memories with new people that would make this a night to remember. his eyes scanned the crowd, locking on a few familiar faces before finally locking eyes with someone, hand waving at them to come over.

______

sonny drifted through the crowd, eyes searching, as always, for one face above the rest. when he finally sees him, he can't help but smile, approaching kyle with a gleeful shimmy of his shoulders. "heya handsome, how's your night been so far?"

______

kyle lights up as the taller of the two closes the gap between them, arms instinctively wrapping around him. "i thought you weren't gonna be here?" he pulled back, eyes crinkling at the sides. "well, it's definitely better now that you're here. what about you? how's your break been?"

______

he doesn't even think twice before engulfing the smaller boy in a bear hug, the affection startlingly natural. it's over too soon, and he finds himself oddly disappointed as kyle pulls away, hands both cupping around his solo cup if only to have something to do. "i mean, i've been sitting in the sun, drinking, and exploring. that's literally my dream life. what's not to love?" he shrugged, eyes never leaving his face. "what about you?"

______

the warmth was something he'd missed, face buried in his chest until he assumed it was simply not socially acceptable anymore. "that's good! honestly, i've never been somewhere so warm and comforting and i kinda... like alabama? that's so weird to say" his nose scrunched as a laugh tumbled out of his mouth at the idea of what he just said. "oh, it's been really good," he falters slightly, eyes breaking from his to look anywhere else for the moment.

______

If he notices how their lingering embrace, he brushes the thought aside, too drunk to dwell on frivolous thoughts. "No, don't say that! This is the deep South, both you and I are not welcome here." He joked, though the truth lingers beneath his words. "You're right, though,  it is warm. And there's something to be said for Southern comfort." As he speaks, he leans against the wall, the distance between him and Kyle never really growing. His eyes study his face, notice the way his smile falters and his eyes shift. "Oh? You're lying. What's wrong."

______

he laughed slightly, sighing as he shook his head. "yea, i know. though honestly it's not just the south, it's like... everywhere but california, i think," he shrugged, "plus i mean... i think i'm passing? i don't think people think that i'm... i don't know." he pauses, a sudden curse against the man that clearly can read him like the back of his own hand. "i, um, nah, like it's not that big of a deal," he's not sure if he's telling that to sonny or to himself.

______

he laughed slightly, sighing as he shook his head. "yea, i know. though honestly it's not just the south, it's like... everywhere but california, i think," he shrugged, "plus i mean... i think i'm passing? i don't think people think that i'm... i don't know." he pauses, a sudden curse against the man that clearly can read him like the back of his own hand. "i, um, nah, like it's not that big of a deal," he's not sure if he's telling that to sonny or to himself.

______

"Okay, true. But also not a good party topic." He grinned, shooting Kyle a wink as he sipped from his cup. Though not as wild as some Lockwood students, he appreciated the joyous atmosphere of a good party, the collaborative entertainment provided by a group of drunken college kids. He picks up on Kyle's comment with a more sympathetic gaze, a softer smile taking place on his face as he nods. "You're doing great. Don't worry about it." A hand finds his arm again, unable to resist the physical comfort for a few seconds before he lets it fall again. "Okay? But, like, what is it?"

______

"i mean, yeah," he laughs again, a sudden blush forming across his face at something as simple as a wink. he looks down, face breaking out in a grin at the butterflies that swarm his stomach before he shakes his head, as if it'll shake the feeling. "i mean, i don't know," he pauses, eyes searching his face before he goes and reaches for his hand, fingers twining together as he quickly tugs him away to the outskirts of the area . as soon as he's found them adequately away from all others, he turns to face sonny, the words stuck in his throat. "i..." something about it feels wrong, as if saying it allowed will alter something he's shaped in his mind. sonny wouldn't care though, he knew that.

______

The warmth of his hand is comforting, familiar. He wonders sometimes if their affection transcends the boundaries of friendship, of roommates. Discomfort pushes it away, however, the simple idea of that far too monumental to address ever, let alone at a party. A part of him worries, the look on Kyle's face concerning him even as the music from the party booms, echoing into the empty room they'd wandered into. Sincere eyes search his face, eager to pull the truth from him - he can't help if he doesn't know what's wrong. "What? You can tell me. Please tell me."

______

it feels wrong to even say allowed but he powers through it, clearing their throat. "i, um, okay, it's a long story," he can feel himself rambling already. "i... i lost my virginity?" he's meek now, eyes looking away to hide. "i, like, that in itself isn't bad. but i mean, i lost it to flynn and he's avoided me the entire time, and..." he wrings his hands together, fingers shaking. "i'm sure it's just like, oh it was just a hookup and it didn't matter and it shouldn't matter and i know he just hooks up with people and i'm just.. i'm worried it was me?" he looks up, biting his lip. "like, i don't... i don't want him like that. i don't care if it was him, or if it was someone else, or like. i don't know. i just can't get it out of my head that i just..." none of this is making sense, so he trails off.

_____

The confession stuns him, not at all what he'd been expecting to hear. A few seconds pass where his mind is simply blank, unable to process anything except the thought. Not that he'd thought it would never happen, in fact, he was surprised it'd taken so long. But he'd hoped maybe, secretly, that it would be put off a little longer. He tunes in a little later in Kyle's explanation, eyes blinking back into focus with a small frown. "Damn..." He says, if only to buy himself time to think. A sip of his drink extends the silence further, and he stares off at the water, where a few people have taken to skinny dipping. "Well, look at it this way. It's done. If he's ignoring you that's his loss, bro, y'know? There'll be other....people."

______

kyle didn't know what kind of reaction but the sudden silence wasn't it. in fact, it was enough to take his breath away, eyes suddenly pooling with tears as he took a step back. "yea, like, yeah," he laughs it off though it's clear it means more to him than he's letting on, blinking rapidly before forcing out a smile."i mean, yea. definitely." all he can say is yeah, though the silence still was jarring. he crosses his arms, forcing out a laugh before turning his back to sonny. "i mean, honestly i don't know what i expected. but it's fine. there will be others." he almost feels like there won't be, a sudden urge to cocoon himself for the rest of his days. "anyway! sorry, i'm gonna go before i ruin the night anymore." and suddenly, his mood has switched, another laugh leaving his lips as he forces himself to not cry.

______

Sonny knows instantly that what he's said is wrong - but he doesn't know how else to console the sadness, only knows positive thinking, optimism, rationalization. It sucks, yeah, but what good was it to dwell? Besides, he can't quite think around the heavy weight in his stomach, can't form genuine sympathy when all he can focus on is the thought of Kyle with Flynn of all people. "I'm sorry, Kyle." A hand reaches out to touch him, hovers above his turned back, then drops again, too hesitant, uncertain. "You're not ruining the night. I'm just trying to get you to see the positive." He recognizes the hitch in Kyle's voice - this isn't the first time he's seen him cry, and there's a strong longing within him to pull him into another hug, to stroke his hair and wipe his tears. But he feels distanced, now, in the wake of this new information, like to do so would be to cross some new invisible barrier. "I'm sorry."

______

kyle can't bring himself to say words, another painfully awkward laugh, body trembling slightly as every emotion he felt inside of him dared to pour out. all it too was that last damn sorry, that last break in the silence for him to let out an audible sob, hand immediately clasping to his mouth to try to act as if it did not happen. "y-you don't get it," he finally says, turning back to him to try to face him but it's too painful. he snaps his head away, crossing his arms. "i can't just get over things like you do, i can't possibly ignore these things. they spill out every fucking minute i try. i am trying to keep it down and i'm sorry i can't be stoic but sometimes there is no positive," his voice surprises him, shaky yet strong as he finds another sob threatening to come out. "i'm going, again, i've done enough this week," and with that, he begins to walk off, fingers clasping together as he tries his hardest to glue himself back together emotionally.

_______

He doesn't know what's wrong with him. He can see Kyle's pain - it's visible in the shake of his shoulders, the contortion of his face as he fights to hold back's tears. And he can hear it in his voice, each shaky word pricking in his chest like a small wound. But he can't do anything about it, doesn't know what to do. His brain only produces platitudes, cheery phrases meant to distract or comfort. He wants to joke, to lighten the mood again - virginity is only a social construct. At least you got laid. Was the sex that bad? But he knows that will only make things worse. And Kyles seems to know this, his words poking exactly at the sore spots Sonny himself is glaringly aware of. And then he's walking away, and Sonny's heart aches, can't possibly let things end like this, so he finds himself stepping after him, trailing behind him like a lost puppy. "Kyle, wait, wait." A hand finds his wrist, tugs pleadingly for him to come back.

_______

"what?" his words come off as way snappier than he meant, turning to face sonny with narrow eyes that soon softened at just the sight of his face. and with that, he melted, all of the emotions he'd tried so hard to bottle up simply choking out of him. he closed his eyes tightly before simply hiding his face in sonny's chest, a loud inhale as he tried to gasp in hair before more sobs simply left his mouth. his arms were tight around sonny, fingers balling up the fabric of his shirt as he tried to simply clutch to him for dear life - to an extent, he was all he had. his rock, his best friend, his everything, and the thought of that was terrifying. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry," he murmured, looking up and letting his chin rest again the boy's chest. "i-i, i didn't mean to..." to snap? to act like a child? it was all he did and he wanted to simply hide. "i don't know, i'm sorry."

________

His tone hurts, sharp as a knife as it threatens to wound him. He pushes himself past the chilling feeling, however, no question in his mind as he accepts Kyle into his arms. Maybe he didn't know what to say, but he could hug, he could comfort and kiss and heal with physical touch, fuck the consequences. "Shh." He murmured, face now pressed into the top of Kyle's head. He feels his own eyes threatening to spill, overactive tear ducts betraying the extent of his feelings as he squeezes his eyes shut to try and avoid any leakage. "You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

_______

it's so much. he doesn't wanna break apart, he wants to cling to him for dear life and hope the ship doesn't sink. another inaudible sob leaves his mouth as he clings to him, throat closing. he can't find the words to make this better, nothing can make this better right now but the other's arms will try to act as a bandaid over his soul. with a few moments of silence, he's finally able to break through again, managing a, "i still have acted like a fucking ass." with that, he feels as if he has to break away, a reluctance as he loses his grip on the other and takes a step away, fingers reaching for his hands for some stability but he pulls back.

______

Sonny believes in the power of moments. An environment: the lighting, the music, the context of a conversation, and a few minutes and everything can change. Kyle pulls away, hands clinging to his like a lifeline and he feels himself entering a moment, feels it in his bones the same way he feels Kyle nestled in his heart. All the sadness, all the anger, it dissipates the moment their eyes meet, because all that matters is him, standing in front of him, trusting him. He doesn't think, acts purely on instinct as he jerks forward and kisses him, surprising even himself. Later, he will blame it on the alcohol, the moment, the emotions of the evening. But now, there's no excuse, just a sweet kiss between two best friends and the sound of the ocean crashing into shore.

______

it takes him a moment to realize what has happened and as soon as he does, he is startled, pulling back like a deer from the line of the trees. his mouth is wide open, heart heavy as he simply stares at sonny in disbelief before a sudden bravery takes him over. with one swift moment, he's closed the gap again, arms wrapped around his neck as their lips touch again. something about it is scary but exciting, and he closes his eyes tightly in order to keep from the emotions from spilling out. he lingers, emotions daring to spill out again before he pulls away again, eyes wide in realization as to what he just had done. this was a rift in their path, a sudden shift in everything that had been them. "i-i" he starts, catching his breath as he tries to find the words to say, but there are none. what is done is done and now he knows he can't take it back. this is it, this is the end, it's all he can think. there is nothing left and now they are left at the crossroads.

_______

Fuck. He should be upset. He's fucked everything up, and the realization should come with guilt, anxiety, at the very least, regret. But he can't bring himself to bring anything but pure joy, like things had finally fallen in to place. Kyle had always been the missing piece to him, the jagged edge that fit his own, and now it was out there, tossed into the air for the universe to judge. But there were so many reasons for it not to happen, for it him to step back to his side of the line and pretend it had never happened. "I'm sorry." He offered, uncertain, trying to read the situation in Kyle's face. "I - Maybe we should just go to bed."

______

he didn't get it. his head was swarming, fingers clasping together as he simply fought the urge to cry out, to scream. how did this seem so fucked, how did all of this seem so out of place. he didn't though. he stood in front of sonny, eyes big as he forced himself to speak. "yeah." it wasn't bitter, it wasn't full of emotion, it was just that. the word yeah. after all, he couldn't argue. "you know..." i don't want to just end it there? apologizing after a kiss tears my heart apart? i just want to stay? all these thoughts swarmed his mind but nothing came out, mouth dry for a moment. "we can forget it, if you're that sorry for it." he looks back over to him, biting his lip before shaking his head. "you... you don't have to worry. i get it." he simply nodded, changing the subject "we can go to bed though. i think i'm gonna... shower." he nods, beginning to trudge off of the beach without waiting for him.

_______

This was for the best. This was safer, easier. This was the right thing to do. Maybe if he told himself that enough, he would believe it. Kyle was vulnerable right now, even if there was to be something between them - which he still wasn't convinced of - now wasn't the right time. And yet...He can still feel the kiss pressed against his lips, teeth finding his lower lip in an attempt to mimic the feeling as he feels a piece of him detach again, leaving behind a gaping hole. "Okay." He doesn't know what else to say without crying, and that was the last thing he wanted. "I don't..." Regret it. He didn't regret it. But he can't finish the sentence, instead just casting his eyes downwards. He trails a few steps behind Kyle, dreading the thought of sleeping in the same room as him, so close but separated by an intangible distance. This time, he doesn't make any effort to catch up to him, instead simply watching his figure - then, at the last minute, he decides to stay at the party, not wanting to end the night on such a sour note. If anyone could pretend nothing was wrong, it was Sonny Thompson, king of turning up the watts on his million dollar smile. "Hey - Kyle?" He swallows, the name sounding different, now. "I think I'm going to stay here for a bit longer."

_______

he felt like a wounded bird, he wasn't sure how he was going to fly after this. the silence was unbearable, hands still clutched together for some sort of stability. his voice breaks through the air and he looks back, and even the simple words are enough to hit him like knives to his throat. hurt registers on his face but it's all he can offer, no more tears can be found in his eyes as he simply stares in silence. he didn't want him to go, was it all really that bad? he clenched his jaw, the words he wishes to breathe staying stuck in his throat. this would never be the same truly, and all he could think was that it was his fault. the only underlining factor in all of this, in flynn, in his family, in sonny, it was him. he felt his stomach drop at this realization and simple forced out a smile to sonny, nodding. "yeah. i would expect nothing different." it was so hard to say it, so hard to feel it but he felt as if he should go. "i hope your night is good." it's so hard to say, it's like choking on roses that he dared to plant in his gut, like everything was slipping. but, he smiled, turned around, and walked away.