#*ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME SFX*

[lume-nosity]

…

[killjoy-prince]

And so, Unknown and I had an everlasting Christmas

[lynzishell]

The Present ❤️ Selvadorada

Prev // Next

Transcript below the cut:

[sfx: plants rustling, whispering]

Asher: Atlas, wake up. Atlas: [groggy] What? Asher: There’s something out there. Atlas: It’s probably just the wind. Asher: What if it’s not? Atlas: Then we should be very quiet. Asher: You’re just saying that because you want to go back to sleep. Atlas: Shhhh Asher: Don’t shush me. Atlas: [muffled laughter] ow! Asher: [muffled laughter] ah!

[sfx: plants rustling… louder]

Asher: Hold on, stop stop stop. Atlas: What? Asher: I heard it again. Atlas: [pauses] I don’t hear anything. Asher: What if it’s a jaguar? Atlas: [quiet laugh] It’s not a jaguar. Asher: Okay, but what do we do if it is? Atlas: Then you have to make yourself as big and loud as possible and run straight at it. Asher: Are you serious? Atlas: Yes. As long as it’s not a mother with cubs nearby, chances are it’ll turn tail and run. Asher: What if it is a mother with cubs nearby? Atlas: Then you should kiss me now because we’re dead already.

Asher: [muffled laughter] Oh my god, get off me. Now you’re just trying to get laid. Atlas: Well, if you’re not gonna let me sleep… Asher: Are you kidding? We’ve been hiking all day in the heat and humidity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we stink. Atlas: I don’t care. I like the way you smell. Asher: [muffled laughter] You’re disgusting. Atlas: Mhm Asher: Fuck it, come here.

Later….

[sfx: loud clack followed by snapping twigs]

[Atlas looks up to see Asher near the door, lacing up his shoes]

Atlas: Ash? Asher: … Atlas: What are you doing?

[Without answering, Asher unzips the tent and steps out]

Atlas: Where are you going? Asher: … Atlas: Hold on, let me get my shoes, I’ll come with you.

Atlas: What are you doing? Asher: Look. Atlas: Look at what? Asher: Straight ahead. Atlas: There’s nothing there. Come back inside.   Asher: I can’t.

Atlas: Ash, wait. Asher: …

Atlas: No no no no, Ash come back. You can’t go in there! Asher: …

[piratefishmama]

Crossing The Line | Part 4

“What the fuck is that?” Was Robins immediate question as Steve donned a pair of sunglasses and a cap just before disembarking the plane.

“My disguise.”

“Your disguise?”

“Yeah, y’know. Fans an stuff.”

“...Steve. Steven. I’m always here to keep you humble, you know this, so I say this with an immense amount of—”

“Robin do you remember the JFK incident? Not the president don’t be a shit, I mean the airport and you know it.” The JFK incident being a single fan who got ONE photo of him walking through the terminal and boom, paparazzi everywhere, it was as though they’d just emerged from the walls.

‘What are you doing in New York?’

‘Are you visiting anyone special this Christmas?’

‘When are you releasing new music?’

‘Will you be attending any events here in the city?’

‘Who are you wearing right now?’

‘STEVE SIGN MY TI—’

It was always chaos. “Yeah yeah you got to sign an impressive set of double D’s, woe is you. I can see your moles Steve, that isn’t going to fool anyone with eyes.” Sure his signature head of hair was covered but the moles were as good a sign as any when it came to eagle eyed Airport celeb spotters.

“Sign an impressive— my ass was grabbed more times than I could count! I had hand sized bruises Robin!” He bruised like a peach and people in crowds were grabby. “I lost my favourite sunglasses.” The cheap pair he’d grabbed from the gas station after his first real paycheque cleared. “These cover my hair and my eyes, I can’t cover anything else.” He didn’t have the resources to pull a full face of SFX to hide himself.

“Aww poor baby, okay. At least put this on.” She pulled the scarf from her neck and wrapped it around his, it wouldn’t do much, but it’d cover the vampire bite moles he’d shown off on one of his early album covers.

“Great I look like a twenty-ten hipster.” It wasn’t even scarf weather. “All I need is a bullshit moustache.”

“Better than the local weirdo at a kids playground.”

“Oh my god, is that Steve Harrington?!”

“Shit.”

“Rest in pieces, sis”

“Robin get back here!”

There was a subtle art in getting away from paparazzi and fans alike, an art cultivated from being chased by them since he was nine. It involved fake plants, bathrooms, and Robins impressive gallery of ‘fake fan photos’. All it took was a photo whizzed over the internet through Robins ‘fan’ account, an account which used one of their regular makeup girls photos as a cover (agreed to, of course) to act as a ‘fan’ of Steve Harrington.

“How come nobody TOLD ME Steve Harrington was going to be flying out of Indy today?!” Captioned above a photo from two years prior that Robin took from a distance at that very airport for that very reason.

It took all of five minutes for the hoard to dispel, hurrying as fast as they could to as far as the airport staff would allow them to go, but Robin and Steve were once again free to get their asses out of that airport and into an Uber before anyone else could spot them.

“Okay, battle plan. I got us a twin room at the—"

“Don’t say Conrad.”

“What’s wrong with the Conrad?”

“It’s… bougee. It’s like the only five star in Indy, he already probably thinks I’m the worst, a nice four star would be fine, and a twin room? Robin how the hell am I supposed to woo a guy and bring him back to the hotel if we’re sharing a room?”

“First of all, I think you’re super overestimating your level of game right now to think that you’d just be able to go from wooing to the hotel room in one sweep this guy seems like highkey mom’s basement dwelling virgin, dude probably scampers, second, we don’t even know if he enjoys the male form, and third... honestly I’m expecting you to strike out so we can have a sleepover with facemasks and chocolates. But fine, fine, what hotel would you like?” Robin passed him her phone with the booking app already loaded.

“Your faith in me is truly what gets me through my days, Robin.” He was choosing to ignore the panic inducing idea of what if he isn’t even into guys?!

“I aim to please.”

“What about an apartment? See there’s one here, two double bedrooms, four star rating, we can book now and grab the keys at reception.”

“Fine, fine, you’re making all the food though, since you’ve robbed me of my five star room service.”

“I’m cool with that.” A few buttons pressed, details auto filled, booking complete. Indianapolis, here they come!

Part 6

[thepookiestpookiebear]

Twisted wonderland (WIP !!!)

Jade Leech x fem reader | Floyd Leech x fem reader

Can be read as any other gender if you'd like

Not a request but I just wrote this while on a road trip, aka right now. I wrote this in 30 minutes if you can't tell, obviously it's gonna be messy and not proofread

Cw : swearing/cursing, not proofread, Jade, Floyd. Ooc, rushed.

Wc: no fucking idea honestly I don't bother counting

You pant, absolutely exhausted. You had to chase after Grim to somehow force convince him to attend classes, but that little brat keeps running away and hiding. You find yourself all alone in some huge dark hallway, wandering around trying to find Grim.

"Grim ! Grim !! GRIM !!! WHERE ARE YOU ??" You shout, your voice echoing along the walls and high ceilings. "God knows what I'll do once i get my hands on you, you little sh*t.." you mutter angrily.

You're lost, but it's not like you really care at the moment. You're so busy cursing Grim in your head that you can't bring yourself to give a single f*ck.

That is, until you heard the dreadfully familiar voice of Floyd. (Insert oh shit, not good sfx)

"Heya, Lil shrimpy~ whatchu doing here, huh ? Did the little shrimpy get lost ?"

He says, with that menacing toothy grin of his. Sometimes you wonder how the hell his teeth are so white, what kinda toothpaste does he use ? Heck, do they even have colgate in twisted wonderland ? Maybe he uses its twisted wonderland equivalent. But damn, his teeth are whiter than my bedsheets and brighter than my earrings.

After a moment of internal brainstorming, you answer "Yup. Sucks to be me I guess. But that aside, why are you here ?"

His grin widens "that's for me to know and you to find out~" Oh how you want to wipe that stupid grin off his face because BOI you're not in the mood to joke around at the moment. 'Goddammit Grim, you will be the death of me one day..'

"Well, do you happen to know where Grim went ? That little sh- I mean, rascal, decided to play 'the dad who went to get milk' role and disappeared." Holy fucking shit, why is that burj khalifa eel leech whatever the fuck he is guy giggling like a fucking schoolgirl ? (Not that he's far from that actually) .

Giggle not as in the usual giggle he does but the kind of giggle a kid does when he's hiding something. Hmm. That's suspicious, that's weird..*insert sfx*

Well whatever, it doesn't matter what the hell he finds so funny because before you know it, you are gone.

Kaboom.

Abracadabra.

Gone. Gone and left no crumbs

Whoosh.

Because fuck no you ain't getting involved with Floyd or the octavinelle trio ever again. Even if fucking Leona held you at gunpoint and threatened you, you would still refuse to get involved with that slimy motherfucker.

'Yeah no thanks, but when I said I want my back broken I didn't mean it literally.'

*Insert sfx* AwOoP ! JuMpSCarE~

It seems luck wasn't by your side today, as you ran straight into a solid mass.

You groan "Oh fuck me.." you whine. Jade chuckles. Just as you had expected, he's grinning ominously at you while holding Grim in his right hand.

Well fuck, you should've known better. At this point these two leeches are your sleep paralysis demons.

(Would you believe me if I said I actually had Floyd as my sleep paralysis demon once ? It was fucking horrifying.)

"Oya oya, look who we have here, Floyd~ What a coincidence.."

He says, eyes glowing ominously while both of their grins stretch wider than your legs do whenever someone mentions geto or gojo. /j /not j

"Indeed a very unfortunate pleasant coincidence. Come to think of it, why weren't you with Floyd earlier ?"

He quirks an eyebrow "Oh, but i was. You just didn't see me. I was behind you the entire time, prefect."

"That isn't very...reassuring"

You trail off. "Well doesn't matter, can you just give me that thing ?"

You point at Grim, purposely calling him a thing to piss him off.

Grim begs to differ though, "THING ??? IM NOT A THING, IM THE GREAT SORCERER GRIM !!!!-" although that doesn't last long, he is quickly shut up by Jade's stare.

You grin, cockily. Haha take that you little gremlin ! That's what you get !!

But your thoughts are cut off just as quickly by Floyd, "Ehhh ? Shrimpy's mouth is open ?"

"Huh ? What does that have to do with this ?" You say, confused. Meanwhile Floyd quickly shoots Jade a knowing glance, which unnerves you.

"Nothing to worry your little head about, shrimpy~" "indeed, my brother is right, do not concern yourself with such matters."

Much to your shock, Jade wordlessly hands you Grim. Your mouth drops open

"Holy shit, Are you guys okay ? You behave as if you just ate Lilia's food... either that, or the sun will rise at the west tomorrow !"

The two simply smile and walk away.

Well, that was confusing..

[lizzibennet]

it’s amazing to me that people are justifying/defending the pjo show being a snooze fest by saying that it’s aimed at kids like. girl. bestie. bestierina. the books themselves are aimed at kids and they’re still enjoyable and we’re still here talking about them decades later. i don’t think the problem is aiming anything at kids i think the problem is acting like your audience is stupid and cannot handle tension or even the slightest bit of conflict and then try to blame it on it being aimed at a certain group. like sorry even if that was true you are STILL failing because you dumbed it down and ALSO made it boring so kids can’t even watch for the flashy sfx or anything. like i’m so sorry it’s just a flawed show it’s fucking disney you do not need to bend over backwards so much to defend it lol

[bastardtrait]

cw: assault, homophobia, racism

Just another kid from the rez. That's all that someone like Eddie was to someone like Konner.

transcript:

[SFX: Car door slamming shut; footsteps rapidly approaching]

EDDIE: …hold on, Toby, I think someone's like, running at me. TOBY, on the phone: What?!

KONNER: There you are, fucking rat! EDDIE: Wh--ack!

KONNER: (grunting, roaring) EDDIE: Ghhk--! Fuck--st--stop! Konner!

TOBY: Yo! Ducko? You okay? EDDIE, over the phone: …Konner! TOBY: …Eddie?!

KONNER: Get up, you fairy. (pant) What kinda man are you? Huh? EDDIE: (deep gasp) KONNER: They didn't teach you to fight on the rez, huh? The shit that happens when you don't got a dad.

[briskunt]

ike eveland hero/villain voice pack: no-spoilers review

got my hands on this voice pack recently and figured it would be prime content LMAO. i’m going to write down basic observations and hopefully it’ll convince y’all to support our boy 🙏

⚠️ BLIND REACTIONS TO THE VOICE PACKS BELOW! ⚠️

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

hero pack

first off this is one of the longer (if not longest ⁉️) standalone voice pack i have in my collection. hell, it might be twice as long as some other vps i have

ike has a lower voice than usual here. very warm blanket

but also a rougher type of ike, i think. he’s still the sweet guy you expect, but with a little more weight and responsibility, you know? most of the time people default him to “cute ike” so this is a really nice look into “cool ike” as well as cute

CORNY SCHWORNY SOUND EFFECT

speaking of i would be doing the audio boy a disservice if i didn’t mention the audio quality. ike vps have excellent atmospheric sound design and when i compare this one to his past vps, you can tell he had fun picking out sfx and mixing them

i’m impressed how much worldbuilding there is and how naturally it’s been implemented. this is an immersive vp

if you like when ike gets assertive and speaks up you’ll be happy. and if you like when ike gets royal-flash levels of chuuni dork you’ll be happy

CORNY SCHWORNY SOUND EFFECT RETURNS

might be my editor brain being nitpicky but he uses the same phrase to transition twice in a row and it set me off

oh holy shit he calls you that?

oh this voice pack would do numbers with a demographic

easily one of my new favorite vps. i don’t have every ike vp so apologies if this doesn’t apply, but out of my collection this one hits a niche that none of the others do: a cool, nonchalant-badass, resolute typa ike. don’t misunderstand though, he’s still as dorky as ever. honestly i think this is the dorkiest i’ve seen him in a vp

this pack is less fanservice, more story. yep, there are moments that seem romantic, but it’s very easy to imagine the relationship between ike and the listener as something else. it’s versatile and i really enjoy that considering how many voice packs go into the whole heterosexual-romance thing. i wasn’t kidding about the worldbuilding. it’s simple but effective, and illustrates the setting excellently. close your eyes when you listen to this one, it’s a good experience. ike put a lot of detail and effort into the voice performance and sfx, and it shows

if you liked luca’s pampering/scolding voice, you might enjoy this one too. definitely recommending for anyone that loves when ike takes the lead, or anyone that appreciates an ambiguous relationship between liver and listener! honestly, this would be an incredibly safe buy for even folx hesitant on buying voices. ike flexes some aspects of his wide range not just as a voice actor but also as a writer and sound designer. if you’ve heard that quilldren get well-fed from ike voices then they’ll be FEASTING on this one

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

villain

the wallpaper is only included in the villain pack. this art WILL make you sick in the head. i really love the rendering and lighting. you can recognize a lot of elements from his 1.0 outfit like the pattern on the left of his mantle, the pins (?), and his book. i’m glad i’m not tempted to change my wallpaper, because in every wallpaper included in the pack, ike or shoichi’s face would always get cut off by the clock on my iphone’s lock screen. beautiful artwork stunted by how niji awkwardly cuts off wallpapers

okay fuck what i said earlier now THIS is the longest standalone voice pack i own. and it’s not even close. looks like someone outdid himself

again low voice ike tskr tskr whatever. it’s lower than the hero pack. i haven’t compared it to the halloween eki stream, but it’s basically a faster-paced, perkier(?) eki voice

(to be clear it’s not eki. this is villain!ike. i think. will not update if it actually is him, i ain’t spoiling that)

surprisingly domestic here

he says a lot of big words

it’s giving cyrus from pokémon. you understand.

oh my god the backstory

LESGOOOOO THE LAUGH

oh he’s a little fucked up in this one

just a heads up: i’m sure it was plain before but the villain pack has way darker themes than the hero one. do i think it’s intense? not really. but if you have #yandere blocked then you might want to skip this one

once again the relationship is ambiguous here but imo it sounds more romantic than the hero one. this might be an overstatement, but if you can’t handle dubcon in general i’d also skip this. again, nothing explicit happens but if you really can’t stand when the villain has a good guy in their clutches, skip this one

anyways. that rasp is worth the warnings 😳

this is definitely a voice pack for a demographic

and i also understand why my friend popped off in the gc about it LMMAOOOOO

look. it’s a sfw voice pack. but if you’re a kinky son of a bitch you’ll find something to enjoy here. he talks down on you a bit and the subject matter sure is the subject matter.

i think of this as a more intense version of the hero pack. the setting is completely different than what you get in the hero pack and feels a lot more visceral. for example the sound effects are a bit more “realistic”, and the listener is in a dangerous place without any backup. to be clear: the listener is not evil in the villain vp.

i worry that i’m being too heavy-handed about warnings but considering some folx’ boundaries online it bears repeating! if you can’t handle yandere or dubcon, be careful. but if it’s only a mild discomfort to you, it should be fine.

regardless i doubt there will be another one vp like this for a long time. if you soaked up the eki stream like a sponge? GET THIS! if you like ike being mean and deranged get this. if you’re down horrendous sure, get this i guess, and then follow it up with ike’s white day ex if you have it? i feel like that would be a good pairing.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

overall

if you’re into voice packs then i’d say getting one of these is a must-buy. if not for the romance, then for the story and worldbuilding. if. if not the story then because hero!ike is a darling and villain!ike is hot.

even if he’s not your oshi ike’s packs are always a delight! and these are some of the most fun i’ve had with one of his releases. idk what else to say. if you like the guy even a little, it’s worth listening to. he’s definitely in his wheelhouse on both hero and villain. if this is your first ike vp you may be surprised how high the production value is considering it’s all by one guy

get hero if you want a lighthearted conflict, immersion, and a connection to the listener that isn’t necessarily romantic. get villain if you want more drama, more danger, more… uh… i wouldn’t really call it degradation but he has his moments. there isn’t a connected story, so feel free to get both but don’t sweat it if you don’t!

[not-your-bro]

do you have any ud hcs? It could be anything idc

ooh, free rein! sure sure. josh + chris are def the characters i most frequently rotate in my mind, so some stuff about them off the top of my head...

josh

film studies major. i must admit i don't adhere to the psych major he's given in canon, though director/producer roles aren't my first choice for him either. he goes all-in on tangible stuff for his prank, so i put him in the practical effects arena.

artist in his spare time, but big surprise he's cagey about it. like, chris sees josh's sketchbook in josh's room all the time, but he's never actually looked inside.

with both movie sfx + art, josh is practical > digital, and he only dips into digital effects or art when he absolutely needs to. i just think he's a tactile sort of guy who prefers to make things with his hands, so creating on a screen alone doesn't give him the same satisfaction.

on social media in that he has accounts, but they're sporadically active at best. he can be slow to respond to texts/dms and his responses can be short, which gives off the impression that he's disengaged or bored. he isn't, he just doesn't want to be on his phone.

this is a longstanding hc of mine that i've absolutely mentioned before, but: designed hannah's butterfly tattoo! didn't really understand why, he was like you know your tattoo artist can do one for you, right. but she insisted, and he obliged.

gay as fuck. realized young, came out young, very comfortable. as demonstrated by the fact that, much to everyone's annoyance, he wears shirts that say shit like 'employee of the month at the dick sucking factory' in public.

chris

ok, so i've reached the point where the chris in my mind looks different enough that i get a little jumpscared when i see him in-game LMAO. i hc him both taller and heavier. he's gotta be at least 6 ft. and a chris hartley who's thin is no chris hartley at all. not to me.

does not come from money, like lower middle class. i have two totally different hcs about his family that both feel real to me: one is that he's an only child, his parents divorced when he was a kid (old enough to understand, but not quite a teenager), and he lives with his mom. the other is that his parents are not divorced, and he has a big family - lots of siblings. i've been going with the former in my fic lately, but both work for me. the constant is that his family's economic situation is more precarious than most people in the friend group, and family trips with (and funded by) the washingtons were his primary vacations.

has adhd. i find 'always on his phone bc he just loooves technology' less interesting than 'always on his phone bc he has existing attention problems.' this went undiagnosed for a while, and his performance in school suffered for it.

speaking of, he is not all-around school smart. like, emily may have strengths and weaknesses (even if she'd never admit them), but she can swing As across the board. chris cannot. he's getting good grades in classes that interest him or cater to his solution-oriented brain, but he's terrible in any class where there's no right answer. english, art - he does not get it. love him to death but his media literacy is Bad

bi as fuck, but it was a journey. thought he was straight for a long time, dismissing any attraction to men as a 'who hasn't had gay thoughts' kind of thing. i think it took him a while to come to terms with it bc he had a lot of internalized shit to work through. if a friend came out as bi, he'd have been like cool 👍 but him? surely not! he got there eventually though.

wowee this is long. as a lil bonus hc for another character, i'll add that i don't think jess went to college - i think she went to a hair/beauty school. she loves what a social job it is, getting to chit chat with clients all day, and like josh, she does best when she's working with her hands.

[chipper-smol]

HEY SO YOU KNOW HOW FLYING BARK PRODUCTIONS LOVES THEIR PARALLELS

THEY'VE GIVEN US A BIG FUCKING HINT TO HOW WUKONG AND MACAQUE'S FALLING OUT HAPPENED

HOW MACAQUE MIGHTVE LOST HIS EYE

thank you to this post for piquing my interest and making my brain go "WAIT-"

Spoilers abound for ep 1 season 4 under the read more

OK SO

in the midst of the scroll being unsealed we get a gatling gun of traumatic memories from MK, but they transition over to Wukong when Macaque shows up

Why did they transition over to Wukong during Macaque?

That's because this is a parallel memory

"You're nothing."

If we go back to episode 4 season 3 we can find this line after a whole bunch of other juicy lines while Macaque is holding Sandy and Mei hostage

Macaque: "Two friends about to be crushed and you do nothing?"

MK: "Let them go! You can take me, I don't care, just let them go!"

Macaque: "Or what? You're not the Monkey Kid anymore. Your powers are gone. Your staff's gone. You're nothing."

This is on fucking purpose cause look what happens if we just change up an actor and a few lines

Wukong: "Let them go! Don't make me do this, just let them go!"

Macaque: "Or what? You're not the Monkey King anymore. [if i added anything here it'd be making things up, we dont have enough context yet if the circlet acts the same as it did in jttw]. You're nothing."

and you know what puts the fucking nail in the coffin?

In episode 4 season 3, immediately after being antagonized and having his friends hurt you know what MK does?

He finds his nerve and attacks Macaque

"I AM THE MONKEY KID"

AND GOES RIGHT AT MACAQUE'S EYE and when Mk hits THERES A SUBTLE GOLDEN STAFF IMPACT SFX

there are enough parallels

this is definitely on purpose

the "Youre nothing" line isn't an easter egg its a massive hint

im standing by this, Macaque antagonized Wukong at a low point which made him remember he is the Monkey King and then Wukong went off on Macaque for attacking his friends (which, ow, choosing new friends over your best bud) (and also narratively would make sense for Macaque acting as Wukong's foil in the series)

but I fucking love the implication that Macaque isn't an innocent party either, he was a jerk and maybe a bit too wrapped up in jealousy to think straight

I'm not gonna theorize what happened after but this is definitely how it started.

and he didn't think Wukong would hurt him

[autisticempathydaemon]

[A4A] Accidentally Kidnapped by an Apologetic Mafia Boss

Tags: [Mistaken Identity] [Meet-Cute… of Sorts] [Librarian Listener]

Type: SFW

Tagline: Giacomo, who the hell is this?

Tone: affable, disarming and disarmed

Setting and SFX: abandoned warehouse; distant city noise

WC: 918, ~8 - 10 minutes

[Door, footsteps] (Muffled) Hey, you did it, G! How was your first and hopefully last nab and grab? They’re unharmed and in one piece, I see.

I gather from the cursing and yelling that you didn’t gag them before you put the bag over their head. God forbid we have to do this again, but if we do, we should invest in gags or some sort of knockout gas. Make a note of that.

Alright, alright, I get that this is very shocking for you, but I’d really appreciate it if you could calm down with the insults; criminals have feelings too. Believe me, I have nothing against you personally, and we’re going to try to make this as painless as-

[Cloth rustling, pause] You’re not the governor’s kid. (Aside) Giacomo, this is not the governor’s kid we were trying to ransom; who the fuck is this?

[Tapping on phone] (Direct) Excuse me just a second, doll. (Aside) This is the picture I showed you from last week’s newspaper. Look at it next to this civilian you’ve got tangled up in our business. They look nothing alike; how did you possibly mix them up?

Bud, what’s the point of us giving you a health plan including vision if you’re not going to use it? You’re taking the day and going to the optometrist, boss’s orders, before your nearsightedness gets you and me killed.

[Groan, deep breath] (Pensive) Alright. How are we going to take care of you…

No, we’re not going to kill you! I don’t know what sort of Godfather-esque, dark romance stuff you’ve been reading or watching, but organized crime is a fairly tidy process nowadays. Making people sleep with the fishes is costly and messy. Me and mine almost exclusively work in money laundering and counterfeiting.

(Abashed) This, admittedly, is a bit of a special case. See, our local governor, running for re-election based on his staunch, Christian family values?

(Fiery) Yes, the one with the ill-fitting suits. I’m always saying that; the man doesn’t know how to dress. You know what he does know how to do? Woo his way into sweet, unsuspecting women’s hearts and beds without telling them he’s married. Sweet unsuspecting women like my widowed Auntie Nina who thought she was getting a second chance at love and got nothing but an NDA and a frankly insulting amount of hush money.

I fucking know, right? So you see why this is a special case, why we had to make this personal and see how he likes people he loves not being treated like they deserve… or, rather, we tried to. Where did we go wrong there, by the way? (Aside) Giacomo, where were you that you managed to pick up a stray instead of doing your job?

That’s right, that schmuck had an event at the library: shaking hands, kissing babies, probably being a worse role model and reader than the drag queens he hates. I thought it was closed to the public; that’s why we planned the kidnapping then. (Direct) Are you on his campaign team, doll? Because I hate to break it to you, your boss is a fucking asshole.

(Aghast) You’re a librarian? (Aside) You kidnapped a librarian?

You are fucking killing me, man. What are you gonna do next- roll a nurse and kick us down to a lower circle of hellfire and brimstone? Do me a favor and go out and start the car, please, so we can try to get some good karma back.

[Door] Sorry about all this, let’s get you untied, out of this stinking warehouse, and back home.

Of course we’re going to take you home, doll, safe and sound. You’ve suffered enough because of me and my cousin out there, and keeping you quiet the old-fashioned way wouldn’t benefit us at all. Like I said, I like my crimes like I like my money: untraceable and unbloodied.

Hand to god. Besides, I’m a mobster, not a monster. Libraries are an important part of the community, and I appreciate people like you who keep them running as best as you can. I might even want to stop by and say hello if that’s alright with you.

Because I think you’re interesting. I’ll grant you, it’s partly cause I’d rather you not snitch to the feds but mostly because I’d like to see you again.

In the past two hours, you’ve had a sack thrown over your head, been manhandled into a van, strapped to a chair, and left to stew in fear in a cold, dank warehouse of god knows what. In those two hours, you haven’t lost your cool or nerve even once. You didn’t cry, beg, or scream. You cursed me out, called me words I won’t repeat in your polite company, and did a real number on my associate if him limping out of here is any indicator. I can’t say I meet someone like you often, even in my line of work.

[Laugh] You’re giving me, a seasoned criminal, terms and conditions?

Oh, I like you.

Alright, doll, I’ll bite; I’m invested. What must I do if I want to come see you at work?

No more illegal activities on library grounds, that’s a fair enough ask. What’s the second thing?

[Hearty, genuine laugh] Oh, it goes without saying that I’ll be the one driving you home. I love G, I do, but I wouldn’t trust him to navigate us out of a paper bag at this point.

Performances~!

(Performed by the lovely @mr-laveau~)

[saika077]

Random HC:

The first years (+Ortho) playing DnD in Ramshackle Dorm

Yuu/MC is DMing of course

Player characters (I won't go too deep into their character details tho)

I feel like Ace'd be a Human Rogue, it kinda fits his personality imo. I personally don't see him as someone who uses brute force or blast magic, so Rogue it is. Specifically, I feel like he'd be an arcane trickster.

Deuce's character would be a Monk 100%. As for the race I can sorta see him being a Tiefling. Now you might be asking, "why a Monk and not a Barbarian?", While I do acknowledge his tendency to go apeshit at times, he actively tries to grow and change from his past habits. Perhaps his character could be an ex-barbarian who is training hard to be a Monk (multiclass)?

Jack's character'd be a Goliath Fighter, the only justification I have for this is that I feel like the competitive nature of a Goliath and their desire to push beyond new limits fits him like a glove, also the fighter class suits him just fine imo.

Given his background, I feel like Epel would be a Druid (they're basically magic farmers/gardeners). However, he'd give his character cantrips like Poison Spray, various spells but no healing spells (yea this party is pretty much fucked). You can fight me on this but post-character arc Epel would be a Halfling, he'd use his size as an advantage in combat.

As for Sebek, I can't see him being anything other than a Paladin. He'd most likely be an Aasimar... or maybe a half-elf? No? Too on the nose? Anyways, he'd give his character enchantment spells, and maybe some healing spells like Cure Wounds.

Ortho is the party's main support, with him being a tiny fairy bard (now you see why I had to bring Ortho in this otherwise the party won't even survive the winter). He's just a little lad who loves berries and cream :). He also provides bgm and sfx for the campaign.

I'm sorry but I have very little to no faith for this party. But I'm sure they'll somehow survive.

Together, the fate of the world somehow lies in the hands of these murder hobos.

Random shenanigans

Ace attempting to steal a treasure/sacred item from a monster's lair, only to miserably fail a stealth roll. Everyone had to haul ass out of there.

Deuce getting emotionally attached to an Npc with tragic backstories and/or noble goal, and then stubbornly tried to save that npc and getting upset at the DM for killing them.

something tragic happens and someone just says "this is so sad, Ortho play the acoustic rendition of Piece of My World"

Ace, to every barmaid bc he's broke: "hey (with rizz)" *rolls a Nat 1 Charisma*

With how hotheaded the NRC kids are it's only a matter of time until an npc taunted or look at them the wrong way and they'd be like "oh that's it, now you're gonna get it! I ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!" completely unprompted (like in the second half of the Halloween event bc I still find it insane how everyone immediately resorts to violence, even some of the more levelheaded students).

The one time Ortho and/or Sebek can't make it to a session, Jack gets knocked out by an enemy and the gang tried to heal him. Ace: "ok but can we try slapping him awake?" Deuce:"oh that's a good idea! Can we, Yuu/MC?" Yuu/MC:"...roll me a strength check" (they forgot that they have a healing potion)

The DM sitting there horrified while watching the party using the "power of friendship" on an NPC

I feel like half of them would brute force puzzles in a dungeon and it works like one out of three times or something.

"why do I hear boss music?"

Yuu, the DM, puts their hands together in front of them, a strange smile plastered on their face as they calmly said; "everyone, I want you to roll for initiative 🙂"

[borom1r]

fuck man I hope the coming days are less shitty after Tasks 😭🤞🏽 goofy lotr ask because spooky season, go-to costumes for the fellowship (and the lads of Rohan as well) in a modern au? And we talked about this a bit in DMs, but for everyone, who in your thinking has tats/what are they 👀

OGH Halloween is so important to me. Extenuating Circumstances make it a Difficult Time Of Year but it is still my favorite holiday. fuck my ex tho

ANYWAYSSSS modern au Halloween costumes :3 (thinkin abt our band au specifically bc that’s where the brain’s at)

I think Legolas + Gimli have definitely done a Frank n Furter/Rocky couples costume situation at least one year. sth sth dwarf sth sth Rocky sth sth puns i think they should be allowed.

I don’t think Aragorn actually puts a lot of effort into a costume I’m gonna be so real w you here snfjshhf I think there’s too many sensory variables at play so he just reuses his ren fest costume. Ranger Comma Generic but at least it’s Safe

Boromir, surprisingly possibly everyone, DOES go all out. Halloween Sacred Tradition To Trans Ppl(tm) he would 100% commit wholeheartedly to the bit for Faramir’s sake + it feels weird NOT to do sth. fully coordinates w Faramir even tho he’s away at college. Inigo Montoya to Faramir’s Westley, Prince Lír to his Schmendrick, Gwydion to his Taran, et cetera et cetera et cetera.

On that note, Faramir is the kid who went as his favorite character that year REGARDLESS of how popular they were and half the time nobody even fucking recognized his costume. absolute tragedy

Sam, Rosie + Frodo generally coordinate couples costumes. always very cute + well-made, very rarely store-bought. lots of fantasy-inspired stuff!

I’d come up w a serious answer for Merry and Pippin but it’s taking all my willpower not to just go “middle earth version of this” and add the fake Spirit “never again” costume < this has been in my drafts for SO long. anyways. This

Théodred actually goes for the classics. Did a headless horseman photoshoot one year, loves a good vampire or Frankenstein’s monster too.

Éomer actually does scary. any excuse to mess around w the sfx makeup and fake blood. Fully willing to buy a costume from the store but will 100% modify it; sometimes you just don’t have the time or energy to build a costume from scratch

Éowyn, like Aragorn, cannot honestly be assed, she fully just wears a partial harness of armor. It works in her favor bc nothing pulls lesbians like rocking up to the Halloween party in plate, and then demonstrating she can indeed pick you up with one arm while wearing 100-ish pounds of metal.

also Tattoos...... HMMMMM

honestly i do not have. a lot of ideas rn?? but this has been in my drafts for SO LONG and i want to post it;;;;;;

Aquila/eagle constellation for Aragorn for obvious reasons + a lot of black linework/pointillism tattoos. see below

i think Éomer having tattoos in the style of runestones or godmasks is. really fucking cool. definitely a full back piece

+ transmasc Théodred my most beloved. gets runes under his scars. most likely poetic kennings bc i like the idea of Théodred loving skaldic poetry < sth accenting the scars tho, not hiding them

Faramir on the other hand gets actual coverups. sth nature related, im quite fond of these

(boromir gets sth in the american traditional style at the same time. moral support tattoo sjfhskjf)

[journalsouppe]

THE WIND WAKER AHHHHHHHH I love this game SO much, ranked right below OOT and MM for my all time favorites.

One of my biggest critiques of the game is that I wish Aonuma was given the proper time to develop the game since you can tell that there should be more but a lot was cut out for time constraints. Still an incredible game but what I would give to have a full scale sequel or the full scope of the original game T^T!!!

Writing typed below as well as my game notes! (Game notes won't be typed since it's just a mess of notes for puzzles and things to come back to)

Rating: 9.0 Played: Su 2023 Recommended by: Rylan Version: Original Port: (originally Dolphin emulation but bought a Gamecube and OG TWW bc the emulator kept crashing)

Comments

iPad kid... my son (about link)

love Mkaar

THE LITTLE ANIMATIONS

ww Ganondorf is my favorite

LOVE YOU ARYLL

the kids are adorable

the music and SFX are SO CUTE!!!!!!

the actual GC version is much better than emulating

Link's too small for the door i_i I love him

ooo the upside down triforce in outset

I like the wind waker (the instrument lmao)

oo god of winds

ooo you can control seagulls?

MASSIVE pig...

PEAHATS? >:(

oo a cauldro lemme climb in -> THEYRE SAVE POINTS!!

DARKNUT AND ARMOS

I HATE GOHMAS

link is just a sweet little guy T-T <3

inch resting great deku tree

STUPID 25 LETTERS

LOVE the syrup Korok

LINK IS THE SAME HEIGHT KOROKS

how long has hyrule been flooded and how old is zelda? why is there a statue of link...

Oooo did Link from OOT speak a different language with the Great Deku Tree? (bilingual king)

ooo I love that King of the red lions joins you at the tower of gods

magic is in this game *eye emojis*

ooo ganon's tower theme when stormy

all the OOT sages in stained glass omg :)

NOT TETRA'S PIRATES HOLDING THE BOMB GUY HOSTAGE

there's a lot to process at the cabana

TETRA IS LIKE 10 YOU CREEPS

HYRULE CASTLE THEME

i'm forever haunted by the floormasters

why did zelda lose all of her melanin

is the king of red lions actually the king of jyrule?

PHANTOM GANON DEAD MANS VOLLEY FUCK

the return of tingle...

ZELDA 2 STORY

moe the MOBLIN?

MAKARS WALK T-T

THE MEOW

schooner

love the maze idea

ghost ship next to me!!!!

GANON MOLDORM

I love this game so much holy shit. What a perfect sequel to the Hero of Time story, what a great continuation of Ganondorf's motive. I definitely wish there was more, esp dungeons and zora and towns, but this game was made pretty quick after MM and on the GC so I know there are limitations. Everything from Link, Tetra, the sound effects, the stylization, the Rito, the Koroks, Ganondorf, oh my god I absolutely adore it. Everything about it is so unique yet having the core Zelda elements within it. I also noticed how many future games took a lot of inspiration from this game, esp TP and TOTK. I also love how involved Tetra/Zelda is to the plot, Link could not have succeeded without her help, esp in the final battle and when saving Aryll. This game gives so much personality and background to Link and Tetra, every single cutscene is such a delight. This would be a super replayable game if my GC wasn't so wonky. Hopefully it'll come back to the switch. I love this game :')

[littlechinesedoll]

🍅🍥

I can’t understand everything so this is the best I can do with this page. my japanese is like, super basic and i struggled. ugh. I’m so tired. but I wanted to do it because it’s SO cute I love the babies the and the domestic SasuNaru. Ugh, Naruto makes such a gorgeous mommy I can’t take it.

This is [SORANO Natsumi] Sunny Family – Naruto dj [JP] doujinshi and I think this is how Naruto should have ended. 😂

here are some things that I couldn’t really understand but gave meaning to anyway. I scoured through the whole doujin with my pathetic japanese and can’t understand or see what the babies’ names are, sorry.

from right to left, my explanation on my incompetent attempt at translating this one page of this doujin:

panel 1, baby naruto: before you give me shit, baby naruto calls naruto kaachan (母ちゃん) which is closer to mommy.

panel 1, baby naruto: he said something about octopus (tako ・タコ), and naruto in the next panel has a sausage with one end cut with a knife to make it look like an octopus

panel 1, baby sasuke: he says something about Kani-san (カニさん), which means crab. so this is me guessing he’s asking for crab in his bento.

panel 4, sasuke: he’s asking naruto if he’ll make it on time because they still have the drop off the kids at the nursery, but i had to shorten/give meaning and keep the words few enough to fit in the bubble

panel 4, naruto: he actually says “no more time?” in the raw, I think, but that doesn’t make sense translated literally.

panel 5, sasuke: the text near his face, i’m not sure what it actually means, but he’s sort of saying that baby sasuke wants to imitate baby naruto and wants the “up.” I think.

edit * panel 5, sasuke’s bubble: he says let’s not get in naruto’s way, but I sort of gave meaning that he’s cooking so the kids shouldn’t bother him.

panel 6, baby sasuke: he literally says, “Daddy! Do that!” idk what the fuck that means but sasuke probably knows what it means. However! The kanji is different. baby sasuke says chichiue (父上) which is a more formal “father.” But I put in daddy because baby naruto calls sasuke in another page touchan (父ちゃん) which means daddy.

panel 6, sasuke: in the raw sasuke says something about having to change clothes, so I think he still has to change the babies’ clothes before they can go out.

panel 7, baby sasuke: the sfx above baby sasuke, is sooo weird idk what it means so i just put swing there.

panel 7, baby naruto: it’s not an sfx but it says “ore mo!” which means “Me too!” but why would a baby use “ore” huhu babies refer to themselves in third person. would’ve loved to see the baby say his own name.

panel 8, babies: it says “kyaaa” which means they’re having fun being swung around by their strong daddy.

panel 8, sasuke: There’s kanji and katakana down in the lower left where Sasuke is getting frustrated with the kids being naughty when they’re running late to the nursery, and cannot for the life of me read it.

anyhoo I hope you enjoy staring at jounin!sasunaru being domestic and raising their babies together. Naruto is gorgeous and I love his long hair. Sasuke is just as handsome and I miss this hair on him so bad. in the doujin they’re very responsible parents, even though they didn’t really plan on the children in the first place, and sasuke sort of didn’t want them. **edit: they do however, raise them into good young boys and capable genin, and they love them very much.

once again I am sorry for my shit japanese and whoever sees this who can actually read this thing: 申し訳ありません。私がでかいなばかです。🙇🏽‍♀️

[tessatara]

I need to post about this game today cause I'm thinking about it again

out of all the playstation games me and my brother had as kids, this was the one we probably played together the most. I decided to pick it up again a little while ago and it's still so peak (I grabbed some screenshots from some old gameplay vids cause I can't reinstall it rn)

LOOK at this roster. those are all GIANT MONSTERS. and you get to control them and fight. and look at this

You can throw BUILDINGS at eachother. and they stay fully structurally sound while you're tossing them like a football They even added a custom guy to the roster and at first glance he's just a big lava guy like wow real special

But what you didn't know is that he's got fucking WRESTLING MOVES

Some motherfucker in the dev team was like "nobody's gonna play this damn game let's make a barf monster that plays like King from Tekken and makes stock sfx roars" Yall can take all your balanced fighters and clean mechanics and judo throw them into a building because THIS was the peak of fighting games