#Written by SunnyScripts

[sunnyscripts]

Hmmm… I’ll take the one with the odd, furry green man. He seems friendly.

[Cloth rustling]

How does it look?

If it’s so ugly, why am I wearing it? I’m not sure I understand why we are celebrating the holidays with big, ugly sweaters.

No, It’s mine. You were so excited and you gave it to me, so it’s mine. Now you put on yours… though I don’t see how “Yippee ki-yay motherfucker” is a festive greeting.

“Die Hard” doesn’t sound like a Christmas movie, but yes, I would love to watch it with you after we decorate. What shall we do first?

I was wondering about that- what makes this a Christmas tree? Pines and Spruces aren’t indigenous to the Middle East. Does it have to be this kind? Would a fig tree not be more authentic?

Why does it need a point on the top? Do we put something there?

(Lowkey insulted) I look absolutely nothing like this; how can this be an angel?

Why? This is nowhere near how angels are described in scripture! This has wings and only one set of them at that.

Seraphs and cherubs have three and two sets respectively, but angels, my kin, have none. The Boss specifically made sure of that as not to frighten you humans.

(Suspicious) You think it’s cute?

Do you think it’s cuter than me?

(Pouting) I’m not pouting. Celestial beings do not pout. I’m just making a note to have a word with Caravaggio and Botticelli the next time I see them. This is all their fault.

I don’t care if pouting isn’t in the Christmas spirit. Your plastic angels are a farce, and its wings wouldn’t even fly properly. They’re not big enough. I don’t understand how I don’t have spirit but your ineffectual idols do… What is that?

(Quizzical) Why do you have mistletoe…?

[Kiss, pause, repeated kissing]

(Pleased) Alright. I think I may be coming around to your little traditions. Are there any more little sprigs of shrub I can hang around the house to compel you to kiss me?

Unfortunate- and we only have the one mistletoe?

I will think very strategically about where to put it then. What else is there to do? Are the majority of the tasks around the tree?

Hmmm… I’m not sure we should put this in the kitchen while we make hot chocolate- not after what happened with the stove. Again, I apologize for that.

We shouldn’t put it over the fire while we roast chestnuts either. It could catch and then no more Christmas kisses.

That’s a great idea. We’ll put it here above the couch for while we movies; this is the most comfortable place to kiss as well.

[Magic sound]

There, perfect. Let’s make sure it works.

[Kiss]

Excellent. Is it time for movies yet? We can make popcorn; I’ve been practicing. That’s one of my favorite things your kind has invented.

Yes, first, Die Hard. Are you going to explain how it’s a Christmas movie, or would you like me to watch and learn again?

Is being set during the season the only prerequisite? I had gathered that almost all Christmas movies contained a certain amount of wholesome nostalgia, sentiment, and jingle bells- which I still don’t understand how they differ from regular bells. All bells jingle, do they not? Why are we adding two syllables and all this fanfare to an instrument just to describe the sound it makes year-round?

I’m done with the bells… for now. I reserve the right to express my confusion later. What’s next?

[Pause]

(Lost) I’m sorry… How is a child being neglected and left to the mercy of burglars a fun, holiday film? That’s tragic.

The fact the child can defend himself with traps does not make it less tragic! Why do all your movies have violence and people being threatened in them? What’s next, serial killing??

You are so beautiful and so sweet and so baffling to me. I will never understand you or your kind, but I love you all the same.

Yes! Show me some of the children’s movies you grew up with. Surely those must be fun.

[Pause]

(Unsettled) This is… animated?

Stop-motion animation… And this is made with clay?

I am as old as time. I have seen your planet grow, and I will see it fall apart. I have witnessed things beyond your imagination, and these clay creatures may be the worst of them. I don’t think I like them very much.

[Laugh]

If no one likes them, why are there so many of these movies? Why are they considered children’s classics? Your celebrations are so odd.

Alright… Yes… So this “Santa Claus”… You humans hold him in a very high regard?

Right, the children do. They look up to this magical, Christmas delivery man and watch movies about him? Are messengers in your world so revered?

Why are they also afraid of him? He seems harmless.

(Amused but done) My love, what in my Boss’s name is a Krampus?

Performances:

Credit to @mr-laveau for the wonderful script-fill ☀️

[eobard-thawne]

@sunnyscript Replied to your post “IT’S THE FUCKING CW FLASH”

Help I'm like terrible at noticing stuff. How can you tell without checking his hair?

(Hiii, it's ok dw. Sorry this took so long I'm terrible at explaining stuff so I'm really sorry if this comes off cringey and like a powerpoint presentation asjdasksf)

The suit is not even anything Barry's ever worn before. This suit is a mix of Wally's (in the comics) and the CW's; Wally because it's a darker tone of red and it has white lens over the eyes which Wally is known for, as Barry have always preferred to show his eyes.

Like I said, I'm horrible at explaining stuff so I just put some images side by side for comparison. Barry in the comics never ever wore gloves like that. The lightning bolts over the ears are inwards in the CW show and in WFA comics, while in the main universe comics, the bolts in Barry's suit are always facing outwards. And Barry's suit has always been bright red but in WFA, it's clearly darker which resembles Wally's 90s suit and the CW version.

Like... there is literally no effort at all. I know WFA is just a sh*tty fanfiction written by a group of people who have never read comics in their lives before but a little effort, even it was for only 1-2 pages, would have been nice lol. 💀💀💀

[autisticempathydaemon]

Things to know about me before engaging:

I’m a queer, trans/non-binary Asian person.

I like and follow from @ weightedblanketjoyfriend.

In addition to fanfiction, I write audio roleplay scripts under the username SunnyScripts!

Alexis Getty is my favorite character/imaginary best friend/ultimate pet project.

I’m a proshipper in the sense that I don’t think the fiction one creates and/or consumes is an accurate indicator of the acts that they find permissible in real life.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, onto the fun stuff~!

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My Fics:

Full-length fics

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Short, lyric-inspired ficlets

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Ficlets of randomly-generated rarepairs

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Send me a ♪, and I’ll put my music on shuffle and write a Redacted ficlet based on the song I get! 💌 -Feel free to send a specific pairing with the ♪!

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[sunnyscripts]

[Door, footsteps] (Muffled) Hey, you did it, G! How was your first and hopefully last nab and grab? They’re unharmed and in one piece, I see.

I gather from the cursing and yelling that you didn’t gag them before you put the bag over their head. God forbid we have to do this again, but if we do, we should invest in gags or some sort of knockout gas. Make a note of that.

Alright, alright, I get that this is very shocking for you, but I’d really appreciate it if you could calm down with the insults; criminals have feelings too. Believe me, I have nothing against you personally, and we’re going to try to make this as painless as-

[Cloth rustling, pause] You’re not the governor’s kid. (Aside) Giacomo, this is not the governor’s kid we were trying to ransom; who the fuck is this?

[Tapping on phone] (Direct) Excuse me just a second, doll. (Aside) This is the picture I showed you from last week’s newspaper. Look at it next to this civilian you’ve got tangled up in our business. They look nothing alike; how did you possibly mix them up?

Bud, what’s the point of us giving you a health plan including vision if you’re not going to use it? You’re taking the day and going to the optometrist, boss’s orders, before your nearsightedness gets you and me killed.

[Groan, deep breath] (Pensive) Alright. How are we going to take care of you…

No, we’re not going to kill you! I don’t know what sort of Godfather-esque, dark romance stuff you’ve been reading or watching, but organized crime is a fairly tidy process nowadays. Making people sleep with the fishes is costly and messy. Me and mine almost exclusively work in money laundering and counterfeiting.

(Abashed) This, admittedly, is a bit of a special case. See, our local governor, running for re-election based on his staunch, Christian family values?

(Fiery) Yes, the one with the ill-fitting suits. I’m always saying that; the man doesn’t know how to dress. You know what he does know how to do? Woo his way into sweet, unsuspecting women’s hearts and beds without telling them he’s married. Sweet unsuspecting women like my widowed Auntie Nina who thought she was getting a second chance at love and got nothing but an NDA and a frankly insulting amount of hush money.

I fucking know, right? So you see why this is a special case, why we had to make this personal and see how he likes people he loves not being treated like they deserve… or, rather, we tried to. Where did we go wrong there, by the way? (Aside) Giacomo, where were you that you managed to pick up a stray instead of doing your job?

That’s right, that schmuck had an event at the library: shaking hands, kissing babies, probably being a worse role model and reader than the drag queens he hates. I thought it was closed to the public; that’s why we planned the kidnapping then. (Direct) Are you on his campaign team, doll? Because I hate to break it to you, your boss is a fucking asshole.

(Aghast) You’re a librarian? (Aside) You kidnapped a librarian?

You are fucking killing me, man. What are you gonna do next- roll a nurse and kick us down to a lower circle of hellfire and brimstone? Do me a favor and go out and start the car, please, so we can try to get some good karma back.

[Door] Sorry about all this, let’s get you untied, out of this stinking warehouse, and back home.

Of course we’re going to take you home, doll, safe and sound. You’ve suffered enough because of me and my cousin out there, and keeping you quiet the old-fashioned way wouldn’t benefit us at all. Like I said, I like my crimes like I like my money: untraceable and unbloodied.

Hand to god. Besides, I’m a mobster, not a monster. Libraries are an important part of the community, and I appreciate people like you who keep them running as best as you can. I might even want to stop by and say hello if that’s alright with you.

Because I think you’re interesting. I’ll grant you, it’s partly cause I’d rather you not snitch to the feds but mostly because I’d like to see you again.

In the past two hours, you’ve had a sack thrown over your head, been manhandled into a van, strapped to a chair, and left to stew in fear in a cold, dank warehouse of god knows what. In those two hours, you haven’t lost your cool or nerve even once. You didn’t cry, beg, or scream. You cursed me out, called me words I won’t repeat in your polite company, and did a real number on my associate if him limping out of here is any indicator. I can’t say I meet someone like you often, even in my line of work.

[Laugh] You’re giving me, a seasoned criminal, terms and conditions?

Oh, I like you.

Alright, doll, I’ll bite; I’m invested. What must I do if I want to come see you at work?

No more illegal activities on library grounds, that’s a fair enough ask. What’s the second thing?

[Hearty, genuine laugh] Oh, it goes without saying that I’ll be the one driving you home. I love G, I do, but I wouldn’t trust him to navigate us out of a paper bag at this point.

Performances:

(Credit to the beloved @mr-laveau for the fill and art ☀️)

[sunnyscripts]

[Rumbling of rain and distant thunder (maybe gets gradually louder/closer to build tension and denote fear which is then broken by the following), knocking at the door] (Muffled) Babyyyy! Hey, babe, are you still home? Are you there? I hope you are, cause otherwise I’m gonna look so nuts out here-

[Door opening] (Unmuffled) There you are, good! Can I come in?

[Door closing, the storm lowers in volume and seems far now that you are here, fumbling with jacket and bags] (Rambling, breathless) I know you told me that you didn’t have anything to do today, but that was, like, four hours ago. I was hoping to get here before the rain, but I lost that race- obviously.

[Laugh, kiss] How’re you, baby? How’re you holding up?

What do you mean? I’m here, because the forecast says thunderstorms tonight.

Aaaand you told me last week you were really, really scared of them. I didn’t want you to be here and all scared alone, so here I am, locked and loaded with a thunderstorm funtimes bug-out bag.

I know I didn’t have to do all that, silly; I wanted to. And I really didn’t come that far. You live, like, fifteen minutes away from me.

It’s a good thing I didn’t drive in the rain for something “dumb” then. I drove in the rain for something legit and serious and important. Storms are loud and bright and shitty and totally reasonable to be afraid of- at least, just as reasonable as other, more common fears. Like, I’m afraid of clowns, babe. That shit makes no sense.

It doesn’t make more sense though- that’s the thing! Like, I can probably count on one- maybe two hands how many people have died from clowns, and almost all of that is that one serial killer who gave clowns a bad name. Not to freak you out but the thing you’re scared of is so much more legit than mine which means it isn’t dumb.

Yeah. Besides, I don’t care what you’re afraid of, you know? Babe, you could be afraid of, like… stars, like the stars in the sky, and I’m still coming over to support you and bring the best sources of light pollution a middle-class dude can buy. It doesn’t matter what‘s causing it; all that matters to me is that you’re scared and that I want to help.

Of course, sunshine. Anything for you.

[Kiss] Now that we settled all that, wanna get comfy on the floor and go through all the goodies I brought?

[Footsteps, thump of putting bags down] I know you’ve got a perfectly good couch to sit on, but this is not a couch sort of affair. This is a pillows, poles, blanket tent occasion, and I was a Scout. I know a thing or two about tents.

I figured a warm, kind of half-enclosed tent might be more cozy than just sitting in your living room. I thought helping put it together would take your mind off the storm and be another barrier between you and the noise, you know?

(Pleased) Cool. I brought a couple of blankets for the structure, but this one is for you to use as an actual blanket. It’s weighted and is really good for anxiety and nerves.

[Fabric rustling] It’s nice, right? You can keep that one, I have another at home. Alright, so I also brought a ton of snacks, because I wasn’t sure what your snack situation was, and I didn’t want to raid your pantry. Also, my snacks are probably better.

Because I brought skittles, sour patch kids, and cheese balls for the express reason that it’s scientifically impossible to be scared or sad or upset with a mouth of cheese balls.

Yeah, I’ve got studies; they were published in the scientific journals of Hard Knocks and Because I Said So.

[Laugh] Eat a skittle, brat, and let me show you the rest. I’ve got all the stuff to make either hot cocoa or chocolate milk; I wasn’t sure if you were in the mood for a hot drink or cold drink, so I played it safe and brought the ingredients for both. Oh, and movies! I brought over movies.

The same reason people like vinyl records. I love having something physical on a disk that no one can take from me and will still work without wifi. It doesn’t look like there’ll be a power outage, but we can still watch DVDs if there is.

(Playful) Hey, despite my good looks and carefree “hakuna matata” vibes, I’m smart! I’m thoughtful and logical!

I cannot be blamed for not paying my trash bill, okay. That shit doesn’t get covered in school, and I think it’s a really reasonable assumption that trash and recycling services are paid for with our tax dollars because they should be!

[Laugh] More skittles! Eat ‘em before I throw them at you!

[Laugh] Unbelievable. You’re so lucky you’re cute and it’s storming, or I’d throw pillows, not candy. Alright, take your pick. We’ve got Rambo, Hercules, and/or The Ring. What are we feeling?

Well, I figured an action movie might help, because all the gunfire and explosions might drown out the rain and thunder. Hercules, I figured we might be too busy singing to be scared; plus, the lightning outside might blend in with Zeus’s lightning in the movie. The Ring was a bit of a long shot, but my logic was that you might be less scared if we were scared… together? Does that make sense?

[Laugh] (Soft, bashful) I like you too, baby. What’s got you looking at me like that?

Of course I like you. Was that not obvious?

(Playful) Oh, you still have no idea. I like you so much I got us, as the finishing touch…

[Fabric rustling] matching pajama pants!

Because I want you to be comfy and happy, and what’s more comfy and happy than soft, fuzzy pajama pants covered in silly animals? Do you want the baby pugs or tiny dachshunds?

Yeah, I know both are cute, but I wanted you to be able to pick which one you thought was the most cute, you know? Cute things are diametrically opposed to fear… unless you’re a doll. Or a Furby… Most cute things are diametrically opposed to fear.

[Laugh] There we go. There’s that smile that makes my day. Who cares about the rainclouds when I’ve got all the sunshine I need right here?

[Kiss] Sure I could. What exactly’s stopping me from doing this every time it storms?

And what exactly do you think I should spend my time, energy, and money on instead? What better use for them than to be with you and make you happy?

(Playful) A little bit of stupid question, just a smidge, but fear will make you delusional, so let’s get right on fixing that. You know what your brain needs to fight? Fuel. You know what fuels your brain. Sugar! Do you want a cold or sweet hot drink?

Performances:

[sunnyscripts]

[Laboratory door opening]

(Rambling) Good morning! Is it morning? I didn’t really sleep- I’ve made so much progress and done so much since you clocked out yesterday. I’ve got a new plan to harass the scientists in Antarctica, and the man-eating roses are coming along so nicely. Come, I want to show you this batch I made that’s budding in your favorite color.

What’s got your safety goggles all in a twist? Is the shade off, because these will probably lighten in color as they bloom and then they’ll be right.

Oh, yes! That’s one of the other updates I wanted to give you. Spot was just so active and hyperactive last night; I think she had a case of the zoomies, you know? So I let her off the leash, so to speak, and let her wreak a little havoc downtown. After all, how can I say no to that snarling, spitting, tentacled cutie? She brought us back a bike as a gift; isn’t she just a darling?

Hmm, I believe she scratched up a skyscraper or two, dug up a park and some trees. She went to the bathroom on a purse-snatcher which just tickles me pink because that means her training is going well.

Ahh, yes, that’s right, she did use the suspension bridge as a swing, and it didn’t hold. I’ve been telling the government and heroes council for years that tax money should be going into public infrastructure, and I hate to have to tell them “I told you so” when I crash the next town hall.

[Laugh] I know, that’s bullshit. I love shoving their failures in their face; I’ll record it for posterity. Why are you so grumpy then? You hated that rickety thing and called it an eyesore.

I thought your date was at seven? You live way outside of downtown, and I let Spot out to play right about then.

It sounds to me that if he had been on time, this would have been avoided, and he wouldn’t have tragically fallen off the bridge into the river.

That’s one of the things I like about you, always so punctual. You’re one of a kind.

I’m not trying to make you less mad with compliments because I don’t know why you’re mad at me! How was I supposed to know your date would be late? All I was concerned with was our beloved Spot here stretching her legs and being happy. Look at that face. Could you have said no to it?

Besides, isn’t this the same man who kept trying to get you to listen to his podcast?

Then didn’t this all work out for the best? You should be thanking me even! Here, I’ll start for you.

“Wow, you’re the best boss ever on top of being the most dastardly villain to ever plague the earth. I love being paid to fulfill your vision and do evil by your side and would totally kiss you if I had the chance.” Now you try.

I know you don’t mean that~ I still have that Best Boss Ever mug you gave me for my birthday, so I’m practically quoting you verbatim.

You would never.

(Playfully defensive) This was an accident, a coincidence! You wouldn’t break my heart over happenstance, would you?

Another unfortunate coincidence- I had no way of knowing the restaurant I set on fire was where your high school sweetheart worked. All I knew was that they gave me food poisoning and really disgusting appletinis.

Another coincidence that is nowhere near my fault, even less than the other ones! How was I supposed to know your blind date was a superhero? You didn’t know either! Also, if I hadn’t blown up the Temple of Fortitude, it would have been another villain, so blaming me specifically is so unfair.

That- now that time was self-defense! I didn’t vaporize that woman the other day because she hit on you, I vaporized her because she was a cop who had a gun pointed at me… which was scary by the way, and you didn’t even comfort me when she shot me.

Just because I can bend the rules of life and death doesn’t mean it wasn’t scary! The Resurrection Machine hurts like a bitch!

I know you don’t mean that either; you’ll always put me in the chamber in time for a thunderstorm. After all, who will sign your paychecks and genetically engineer pig-sized fire-breathing dragons for your birthday gift?

[Laugh] Oh, so that’ll convince you to keep me around and not my sparkling wit, my excellent company? Ouch.

I know you’re joking, don’t you worry. I’ve never thought for a second that working with villains had made you one. You’re still so sweetly soft-hearted even when you’re frustrated.

(Sympathetic) Yeah, I know, I get it. I hear dating can be rough these days with apps, hook-up culture, work-life balance, all that, and I can imagine how it must feel to jump through all of those hoops and still feel lonely at the end of it. That must be really hard, and I’m sorry you feel that way.

No, I’m not looking for anyone myself; I’ve got everything I need right here.

[Laugh] (Light) Well, I can’t wait for the day you love your job as much as I do mine. I know it’ll happen just as I know you’ll find the one. You just have to be patient a little longer. You can’t rush this sort of thing, not when it’s so imperative to find someone that’s worthy of you, as difficult as that may be.

Of course I mean that. Do I lie, especially to you? I may terrorize, immolate, and murder, but do I lie?

(Tender) Then believe me when I say that the right person will come along, the one who will sweep you off your feet, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less until then.

You are stunning, intelligent, and a ray of sunshine everywhere you go, especially in this dreary lab. You are the best assistant and, dare I say, friend I could ever ask for, and I think you deserve the world.

(Playful) Now, how can someone possibly give you that when my plans succeed and the world is ours? They’ll simply have to be more creative.

(Serious) That won’t be possible; once something is mine, it’s mine. (Light) Except for the parts of the world I will give you, of course, my lovely assistant.

Of course, you think I want to rule at the top by myself? That would be too lonely. You will get a whole continent, two even. I know you’ve always dreamed of giving the Aboriginal people of Australia back their land, and soon you’ll be able to.

You told me about it when you had too many hard ciders at our last Happy Hour. You also told me the only thing you’d ask in return is a few acres of land and as many emus as you can handle. Your younger self was very affected by reading about The Emu Wars, I gathered.

You don’t have to justify it. Like I said, you are one of a kind, unique and sweet and empathetic to the smallest of creatures. I’ve always loved this about you and will help however I can.

[Hug] Are we good then? Are you done being mad at me?

You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s so unfortunate your date last night didn’t work out, and that must have been really frustrating. I’m just happy I could support you and help you feel better.

Good. You know what else might help raise your spirits?

The dragons are hungry and haven’t been fed yet. I held off because I know how much you love to be the one to do it.

I agree, they’re happier when you do it anyway. I have some whole chickens defrosting in the kitchen if you’d like to grab those and feed them before we start work today.

[Laboratory door opening, optional dragon noises] (Manipulative, cold) Yes, yes, I know you’re not really hungry after last night’s meal, but our friend knows your schedule too well and would be so worried if you didn’t at least nibble. We don’t want to worry them, do we?

That’s right, attaboys. That’s the spirit- a few more little accidents and secret meals for you both, and they’ll get the hint. I’ll get to have them all to myself, and you two will be right by our side on a cozy ranch in the Outback. Doesn’t that sound nice and worth gorging yourself stuffed on an Andrew Tate wannabe every so often?

Good. Keep it up.

[Laboratory door opening] (Warm, effusive) There you are, let me give you a hand; those have got to still be cold.

Of course. Now, after this, could you take a look at those flowers I was telling you about? They’re already carnivorous, but I think we could really maximize their damage potential by making them produce toxic pollen.

Then why don’t we take an early break and try out that brunch place around the corner? My treat.

Performances: