#**cooked as in drunk

[draco-glacialis]

Rio: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Lilia: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Alice, drunk: FLOOR IT!!

Rio: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Lilia: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Rio: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Agatha, also drunk: DO IT!

Lilia: NO-

[demaparbat-hp]

Yoi is a babe 🫶

A diva, is what he is.

[assiraphales]

fuck it. fantasy old western au where zoro is a bounty hunter chasing down outlaws & pisses off the wrong sheriff at a saloon (axe hand morgan). he’s sent to the stocks, hours from dying from heat exhaustion under the hot desert sun, when young upstart monkey d luffy (in search of a stockpile of hidden gold that infamous outlaw gol d roger hid in the mountains) enters the scene guns literally a blazing

[anto-pops]

I drank so much wine last night and woke up to find my notes app open with this typed out

[necromelli]

drunk, teenage Finnick and you getting into an argument, and when a Capitolite jumps in to defend Finnick, he loses it + gets mad because you weren't even doing anything in the first place??? you're literally just trying to get Finn to go home because he's too inebriated for his own good (he knows this) which ensues him yelling and arguing with said Capitolite as the crowd gathers around. you see a camera flash and you're quick to remind Finnick about his image (mags is already gonna kill y'all, god help y'all if pictures and videos get out) and then he's all cocky and arrogant and somehow makes everyone else think the Capitolite was at fault and, of course, the crowd just eats Finnick's words right up

[elilelibeli]

Reggies drunk craving

Sound of their front door wakes James up. He turns on the lamp next to the couch and sees Reg taking off his shoes.

“Hi love” he ask while yawning.

“Hi Jamie” Regulus smiles at him, “why aren’t you asleep?” he asks slurring.

“Wanted to wait, how was your night?” James gets up to kiss him. Regulus melts in his boyfriend’s touch.

“Great! They played so much Rihanna, I haven’t danced that much in a very long time.” he says in between small kisses. “You can go up and I’ll be right up with you” he says smiling at his boyfriend’s childlike yawn.

James steals one more quick peck and heads up the stairs lazily. He is about to go into the bedroom when he hears a loud curse.

“Reg, love what’s going on” he calls.

“James, where are my leftover noodles” Regulus whines, closing the fridge door with a loud bang. “Did you eat them?”

“Baby, the noodles from last weekend?” He asks and chuckles at his boyfriend’s eager nod.

“No I didn’t eat them Reggie, they were old, I threw them away”

“You threw my noodles away?”

“Yes love, the veggies had mold on them”

“But I wanted to eat the noodles. That’s the only thing I craved in the cab. I was sitting and thinking about those noodles and I really..” Reg can’t finish his sentence because he is crying. He is actually crying about the noodles, big tears and full pout crying.

James can’t help himself but laugh. His boyfriend is standing in the kitchen at 3 am, crying because of the noodles with a lip quiver and that adorable, little pout.

“James, do not laugh! This is not funny you threw away my noodles” Reg says putting his hands on his hips.

“Come on baby, they had gone bad. Go up, try to take those glitters off and I’ll order you some”James pulls him by his belt loop and tries to kiss him. Reg is pretending to be upset but still smiles against James’s lips. He heads up to the bathroom happily.

Last thing Regulus remembers is going upstairs to get ready for bed. Now he wakes up because of a loud bang from the kitchen. He quickly goes down to see what’s going on.

“Jamie, are you okay?”

“Shit, did I wake you up? sorry love I dropped a lid” James answers. James who is standing in front of a stove, stirring a big pot of noodles at 4:30 in the morning.

“Jamie what are you doing?”

“The noodle place you like was not open when I tried to order, so I figured I’d try and make you some.” James was smiling at him “we ran out of spring onions but I think it will be okay”

“You made me noodles.” Regulus is staring at him, his mouth fully open.

“Yeah?!”

“Well.. Jamie is 4:30 in the morning”

“Yes but you were craving them, weren’t you?” James asks while getting a bowl from the cupboard.

Regulus is still standing. He cannot believe that he is not even surprised. Of course this is what James would do, he would stay up all night to wait for him and then cook him a stupid drunk craving at 4 in the morning. He is standing there and he is not even surprised that this is happening because things like this happen to him now. And he suddenly realizes the size of luck and happiness he has are unmeasurable, because he is used to things like this. He gets to receive James’s huge love and exist with this much kindness. He realizes how truly happy he is and how he would do anything to always be this warm from James.

As if something nudged him, Regulus moves suddenly, hugging, or more like jumping on his boyfriend’s back like a mad man. “You are going to marry me, right?” he asks with an extremely serious tone.

James turns around. He is smiling with his whole face, dimples on his cheeks, crinkles around his sweet, sweet brown eyes. He laughs with his loud laugh that Regulus prefers over any symphony he has ever heard.

“Right, of course, of course I will Reggie. I would do it right now if I could” he answers, with sincerity in his voice.

“Right, okay, good, perfect” Regulus answers, unable to form a coherent sentence after having every single cell in him injected with overdose of love. He kisses his, apparently very soon to be husband on his cheek and grabs a hot bowl of what he thinks will be the most delicious noodles in the world from his hands. He is happy truly, truly happy.

[watchyourbuck]

You’re closing? Eddie Diaz is about to have his feeling spelled out by Shannon & Abuela and you’re closing?

[motsimages]

As per Tumblr recommendation, I started Kevin can fuck himself yesterday. I see people comment on how the sitcom part makes it look the way people see an abuser and how the abuse can be disguised. People think he is just a funny guy and the abuse goes unnoticed. I personally see it otherwise, although it's similar.

People know he is an asshole. He spends a whole episode being mean to the new neighbours just because. He meets a dangerous guy at a bar, in public. He is an alcoholic who throws weird parties with lots of other people at home. Patty's boyfriend tells her twice in the 3 or 4 conversations we see that he is an idiot. People know, and people avoid him.

And his bubble know, but they justify it and excuse it. And that's the sitcom. The sitcom is the theater of excuses Allison has (and then other characters too) about his behaviour.

"Can you believe it? We were in our anniversary, such a fun party, we were both super drunk and I don't know how it ended, that I was face down on the floor and the table was broken! Anniversa-rager we call it lol"

"He is such a clumsy guy that just as I was leaving the house, you won't believe that I don't know how he managed to cover me in chilli sauce! What a silly goose!"

"He is so helpless without me, he couldn't find the printer and he called me all day because he needed me to explain to him how to work it. And he worries too! He called the cops because he didn't know where I was, maybe I forgot to tell him".

The conversations with her coworker about husbands help drive this point. That's what mariage is. You find ways to justify it and to avoid certain fights and that's it. We got lucky.

But he did all these things on purpose. And the unreliable narrator of the sitcom makes the joke of it and makes the audience consider that maybe it isn't *that bad*. Allison needs to believe that's what it is, so it is. It really isn't that bad, she thinks, he is just like that.

And we can actually see the worrying things and the threatening parts from minute one. It's only a joke because we have been trained to dismiss it. To justify it and to move on. He isn't doing any heavy lifting here.

In episode 1, just the fact that he ends up standing on the table (when she doesn't want him to even put glasses on without protection) says a lot. But then the table breaks and he fixes it poorly and visibly. It would be bad enough just like this, but I personally think there is more to it. It's just that Allison doesn't want to speak about it or look at it so it is just the table, but it's the switch that turns on for her, the last drop. But she did end face down on her living room, on top of the broken table. It's a very elegant narrative tool where we don't see, but if we wanted to see, it's there.

And the more she notices, the more off-putting the sitcom is. It's still played as a joke, with the laugh track, but she is more aware now, so we can notice too.

We start the series with her turning point, but if the series started a year before that, it would only be happening in her house, as it is her life, her only frame of reference, and it would only be a sitcom because isn't he such a clumsy but caring guy?

[sickfreaksirkay]

i apologise for the person i become while peeling potatoes

[goddesspharo]

fic: can't fake what you can't break up with Top Gun: Maverick (Hangman/Phoenix)

"If you meet someone who wants to bequeath a castle to you, I promise to walk you down the aisle myself." (Or: the one where Jake and Natasha drunkenly get married in Vegas and then try to stay married for career advancement without killing each other.)

I. spring "Of course! Why would Cyclone care that the guy he's thinking about promoting has so little impulse control that he couldn't spend less than twenty-four hours in Vegas without marrying his coworker at an Elvis chapel?" After a long beat, Jake says, "Guy and gal he's thinking about promoting. If I'm screwed, so are you, honey. Last I checked, we both said I do."

[funakounasoul]

Whatever drinks they had for dinner that night was apparently a little TOO strong for Kasuga. Like a good partner, though, Nomoto is trying to get her over to a comfortable place to sleep it off...

I've had this silly idea for a while now, after viewing some translated fics and art over on Pixiv. This isn't directly referencing any of them. It's just the idea of Kasuga getting a little TOO buzzed after getting comfortable drinking with Nomoto is too fun to pass up lol

[pickled-flowers]

Btw yesterday I met a person named Bean who worked at a sex toys packaging factory and we ate risotto and pie

[whereismyhat5678]

Bold of you to assume Stick isn't also black out drunk with them and Brick and Burton have to drag all three home

Awww….This is funny but also kinda cute ngl-

Also I’d totally see Mr. Stick fighting Peppino (while drunk) over something stupid- which is why Brick had to call his husband 😭 (and of course because he’s also drunk but that’s kind of the main issue-)

[deadpoetyogurt]

I hc Scout as probably the most unruly (and despite his arrogance, slightly overprotective) person when it comes to being drunk. Imagine someone says one thing to Scout that he misinterprets and all of a sudden he's cursing and shouting but you can't tell what he's saying because he's so fried from all the alcohol. Bonus points if someone just throws him over their shoulder and drags him away from the problem he started. And don't even get me started on what he'd do if someone was talking bad to one of his buddies...

[vertigoartgore]

2008's Back Issue Magazine #28 (the "Heroes Behaving Badly" issue) cover by artist Darwyn Cooke (R.I.P.).

[justablah56]

has anyone ever considered vhas/enoch . hello . can anyone hear me .