#**cooked as in drunk

[assiraphales]

fuck it. fantasy old western au where zoro is a bounty hunter chasing down outlaws & pisses off the wrong sheriff at a saloon (axe hand morgan). he’s sent to the stocks, hours from dying from heat exhaustion under the hot desert sun, when young upstart monkey d luffy (in search of a stockpile of hidden gold that infamous outlaw gol d roger hid in the mountains) enters the scene guns literally a blazing

[necromelli]

drunk, teenage Finnick and you getting into an argument, and when a Capitolite jumps in to defend Finnick, he loses it + gets mad because you weren't even doing anything in the first place??? you're literally just trying to get Finn to go home because he's too inebriated for his own good (he knows this) which ensues him yelling and arguing with said Capitolite as the crowd gathers around. you see a camera flash and you're quick to remind Finnick about his image (mags is already gonna kill y'all, god help y'all if pictures and videos get out) and then he's all cocky and arrogant and somehow makes everyone else think the Capitolite was at fault and, of course, the crowd just eats Finnick's words right up

[cargopantsprentiss]

Return of hot tub wine machine???? RETURN OF HOT TUB WINE MACHINE

[elilelibeli]

Reggies drunk craving

Sound of their front door wakes James up. He turns on the lamp next to the couch and sees Reg taking off his shoes.

“Hi love” he ask while yawning.

“Hi Jamie” Regulus smiles at him, “why aren’t you asleep?” he asks slurring.

“Wanted to wait, how was your night?” James gets up to kiss him. Regulus melts in his boyfriend’s touch.

“Great! They played so much Rihanna, I haven’t danced that much in a very long time.” he says in between small kisses. “You can go up and I’ll be right up with you” he says smiling at his boyfriend’s childlike yawn.

James steals one more quick peck and heads up the stairs lazily. He is about to go into the bedroom when he hears a loud curse.

“Reg, love what’s going on” he calls.

“James, where are my leftover noodles” Regulus whines, closing the fridge door with a loud bang. “Did you eat them?”

“Baby, the noodles from last weekend?” He asks and chuckles at his boyfriend’s eager nod.

“No I didn’t eat them Reggie, they were old, I threw them away”

“You threw my noodles away?”

“Yes love, the veggies had mold on them”

“But I wanted to eat the noodles. That’s the only thing I craved in the cab. I was sitting and thinking about those noodles and I really..” Reg can’t finish his sentence because he is crying. He is actually crying about the noodles, big tears and full pout crying.

James can’t help himself but laugh. His boyfriend is standing in the kitchen at 3 am, crying because of the noodles with a lip quiver and that adorable, little pout.

“James, do not laugh! This is not funny you threw away my noodles” Reg says putting his hands on his hips.

“Come on baby, they had gone bad. Go up, try to take those glitters off and I’ll order you some”James pulls him by his belt loop and tries to kiss him. Reg is pretending to be upset but still smiles against James’s lips. He heads up to the bathroom happily.

Last thing Regulus remembers is going upstairs to get ready for bed. Now he wakes up because of a loud bang from the kitchen. He quickly goes down to see what’s going on.

“Jamie, are you okay?”

“Shit, did I wake you up? sorry love I dropped a lid” James answers. James who is standing in front of a stove, stirring a big pot of noodles at 4:30 in the morning.

“Jamie what are you doing?”

“The noodle place you like was not open when I tried to order, so I figured I’d try and make you some.” James was smiling at him “we ran out of spring onions but I think it will be okay”

“You made me noodles.” Regulus is staring at him, his mouth fully open.

“Yeah?!”

“Well.. Jamie is 4:30 in the morning”

“Yes but you were craving them, weren’t you?” James asks while getting a bowl from the cupboard.

Regulus is still standing. He cannot believe that he is not even surprised. Of course this is what James would do, he would stay up all night to wait for him and then cook him a stupid drunk craving at 4 in the morning. He is standing there and he is not even surprised that this is happening because things like this happen to him now. And he suddenly realizes the size of luck and happiness he has are unmeasurable, because he is used to things like this. He gets to receive James’s huge love and exist with this much kindness. He realizes how truly happy he is and how he would do anything to always be this warm from James.

As if something nudged him, Regulus moves suddenly, hugging, or more like jumping on his boyfriend’s back like a mad man. “You are going to marry me, right?” he asks with an extremely serious tone.

James turns around. He is smiling with his whole face, dimples on his cheeks, crinkles around his sweet, sweet brown eyes. He laughs with his loud laugh that Regulus prefers over any symphony he has ever heard.

“Right, of course, of course I will Reggie. I would do it right now if I could” he answers, with sincerity in his voice.

“Right, okay, good, perfect” Regulus answers, unable to form a coherent sentence after having every single cell in him injected with overdose of love. He kisses his, apparently very soon to be husband on his cheek and grabs a hot bowl of what he thinks will be the most delicious noodles in the world from his hands. He is happy truly, truly happy.

[watchyourbuck]

You’re closing? Eddie Diaz is about to have his feeling spelled out by Shannon & Abuela and you’re closing?

[goddesspharo]

fic: can't fake what you can't break up with Top Gun: Maverick (Hangman/Phoenix)

"If you meet someone who wants to bequeath a castle to you, I promise to walk you down the aisle myself." (Or: the one where Jake and Natasha drunkenly get married in Vegas and then try to stay married for career advancement without killing each other.)

I. spring "Of course! Why would Cyclone care that the guy he's thinking about promoting has so little impulse control that he couldn't spend less than twenty-four hours in Vegas without marrying his coworker at an Elvis chapel?" After a long beat, Jake says, "Guy and gal he's thinking about promoting. If I'm screwed, so are you, honey. Last I checked, we both said I do."

[funakounasoul]

Whatever drinks they had for dinner that night was apparently a little TOO strong for Kasuga. Like a good partner, though, Nomoto is trying to get her over to a comfortable place to sleep it off...

I've had this silly idea for a while now, after viewing some translated fics and art over on Pixiv. This isn't directly referencing any of them. It's just the idea of Kasuga getting a little TOO buzzed after getting comfortable drinking with Nomoto is too fun to pass up lol

[pickled-flowers]

Btw yesterday I met a person named Bean who worked at a sex toys packaging factory and we ate risotto and pie

[whereismyhat5678]

Bold of you to assume Stick isn't also black out drunk with them and Brick and Burton have to drag all three home

Awww….This is funny but also kinda cute ngl-

Also I’d totally see Mr. Stick fighting Peppino (while drunk) over something stupid- which is why Brick had to call his husband 😭 (and of course because he’s also drunk but that’s kind of the main issue-)

[medicsbigburlychest]

I hc Scout as probably the most unruly (and despite his arrogance, slightly overprotective) person when it comes to being drunk. Imagine someone says one thing to Scout that he misinterprets and all of a sudden he's cursing and shouting but you can't tell what he's saying because he's so fried from all the alcohol. Bonus points if someone just throws him over their shoulder and drags him away from the problem he started. And don't even get me started on what he'd do if someone was talking bad to one of his buddies...

[mengyan]

it’s rough out here…

[deathdaydreamm]

🫣

[jubili]

actually almost half of les amis are from latin america and they do constantly bond over how crap the food is wherever they're living now and they do have nights where they cook for each other and listen to old school salsa like héctor lavoe and willie colón and el gran combo and marius does try to learn spanish for cosette but accidentally takes lessons from a spaniard so now les amis DO make fun of him for it (lovingly) send post

[goddesspharo]

↻ FLIP FLOP: Jake's Pov from when he's awakes in Vegas.

[ask me for extras about my fics!]

↻ FLIP FLOP: the flip side of the waking up in Vegas scene at the beginning of can't fake what you can't break up with in Hangman's POV

(Also here now for housekeeping purposes!)

Jake's first extremely dramatic thought upon being yanked out of REM sleep by Phoenix's equally dramatic shrieking is that it feels like something died in his mouth and then that dead thing was unceremoniously moved to a shallow grave in his brain and now, in the cruel light of day, it is slowly rising from the spongy matter like a body washing up on shore at low tide – only there's not enough room in his scalp to accommodate the flotsam so his head feels like it's being split apart from the inside. He needs more sleep and a cup of industrial strength espresso, but he'd settle for Phoenix not ruining this for him – the this in question being Natasha looking flushed all over as she stands in the middle of his hotel room in her underwear and points menacingly at him with her phone while threatening to murder him for the crime of rocking her world – by reading Instagram captions out loud like he fucked a delusional Kardashian last night instead of her. (Jake blames Sammy for the fact that he is immediately able to clock that Khloe would be the delusional Kardashian who couldn't take a hint the morning after.) With a groan, Jake reminds Natasha that it's not a Vegas vacation if at least two people don't drunkenly wander into an Elvis chapel and take wedding selfies with The King. His mother has albums full of Jake dressed like Woody from Toy Story when he was in the first grade – that doesn't mean he was spending his days solving crimes instead of figuring out how the hell subtraction worked. Jake tells Natasha that the institution of marriage requires a little more than "pics or it didn't happen" to be valid while slowly stretching out his sore muscles. She has finally stopped yelling at him for three seconds – no doubt to marvel at the legal expertise he culled from watching reruns of The Practice – but when he looks up, what he discovers is even better than Phoenix losing the power of speech over his genius. Natasha Trace, the woman whose response to him flirting with her has always been to remind Jake that she'd be hard pressed to spit on him if he caught on fire – is shamelessly checking him out like someone who went for a test drive and now can't hide that she'd pay sticker price to drive this Mustang off the lot immediately. "I'm going to hop in the shower." Flashing Natasha a grin that is sure to infuriate her, he drawls in a low trickle, "Want to conserve some water with me?" Her face turns murderous within seconds as Nat slips on a hotel robe and loudly plots his demise. He'd make a crack about foreplay, but her grip on the hanger seems deadly. Jake settles for sauntering to the bathroom while whistling the Usher song that Gina played on repeat when Jake had a crush on the college sophomore his parents paid ten bucks an hour to teach them tennis one summer. Phoenix can deny that she's not hot for his bod as much as she wants, but his back looks like a subway map when he catches a glimpse of it in the bathroom mirror. It takes everything in him not to cry out when the scalding hot water hits the scratches, but Jake can't find it in himself to be too mad about it when he finds a red bird sketched onto his skin like a brand. Jake is still laughing about how proprietary Natasha is when he steps out of the bathroom a few minutes later and immediately needles her with, "You won't believe this, but I think you tried to draw a phoenix on my ass with a Sharpie last night!" He doesn't expect her to find it as funny as he does, but Jake is caught off guard when Natasha starts raging about paperwork instead.

[bloidthevampireslayer]

I really NEED my skins’s life

be always drunk and high, make out with random people, dress like a basket case slut just to go out with people i don’t even know, stay out all night and feel something.

I fucking need this.

[weepylucifer]

i love learning about Maul from the Maul fandom. if you're not deeply invested in all that, he's just the weird devil man who pops up and does the duel of the fates. but no. he's got facets. like sure i sort of remember vaguely from TCW that he was in charge of a syndicate or something once but really hadn't internalized that one. imagine buying your drugs from Darth Maul