#(without being accused of being antisemitic lol.)

[anti-ao3]

i genuinely hate how my "progressive" peers will always use muslims as primary examples of misogynists/homophobes, as though we don't already live in a christian country that kills women and lgbtq+ ppl every single day.

i ESPECIALLY hate this considering what's happening in palestine. it feels to me that ppl just want to find "reasons" to justify the genocide.

[lipglossboy]

Disgusting holy shit

and while we’re talking abt noah schnapp as a fandom, we should also be calling out brett gelman who is a HUGE zionist and is posting increasingly troubling calls for violence, is vehemently opposed to a ceasefire, and posts pictures of normal (aka non-famous/public figures) pro-palestinian protestors to his insta story, basically saying “find them” to his almost 1 millions followers

[hg-aneh]

will you ever come back, or is this an indefinite hiatus/straight up dipping?

i don't know

all the i miss yous are making me want to come back but ik i would just be terrified and motionless as soon as i do

Vent-ish Rant downstairs

CW: Pedophilia, Antisemitism, Suicide, Ableism, Harassment, Bullying, all the important words except for murder basically

i want to fix things in private with the people who hurt me so things can be okay and I don't out them for being wieners

but i also want everyone to know who hurt me, yet I'm aware it's not the right choice to make. social media outrage barely leads to anything, specially where minors are concerned

hell,now that i think about it, considering the fact that they genuinely don't believe people older than them are allowed to have feelings, I don't even think talking would be the right move

it's scary, its fucking scary

fuck. the whole thing started with a person mocking the way i spoke about crowley telling me to stop babying him because i was a legal adult and shouldn't be speaking like that

i had just turned 18 and the person was only a year younger than me

like when it's gone to that point and shit is that fucked up, what can one person even do

i remember i laughed about it back then but truth be told, every single little thing I've been told and that I've listened to coming from the people who hurt me has fucking destroyed me as a person

I looked at my older Discord messages, from before this whole mess started. I was so fucking happy and shameless with my joy, now look at my sorry ass

i just.

it's crazy that i have to go around masking in social media of all places because there are people that take such offense to me being cringe that they legitimately turn into high school mean girls

it's crazy that there are people who claim I'm something i am not because they want to make me look bad in the eyes of their little circlejerking friend groups so they can feel like the hero of the story

it's crazy that empathy goes completely out of the window when an account is big, that people don't see human beings as human beings when they're behind a screen

"just log off lol" i am a lonely shut in motherfucker due to my autism (that, surprise surprise, hinders my ability to socialize), you do not understand what you're asking of me, specially while being in this country and at this point in time where I'm actively craving to kick the metaphorical bucket, at daily risk of doing so, and what basically is house arrest for my own safety and well being

(aka, avoiding to physically yeet myself into upcoming traffic or buying something to actually seal the deal)

thus far I've been accused of antisemitism, pedophilia, being too self-centered (which. bro, the reason why i talk about myself is because it's the one thing i can comment on without being scared of some random person coming to tell me "NuH uH" about it out of nowhere or worse, having their feelings hurt because I don't agree with them 100%), proshipper (which, to those people, the word implies wonderful labels such as "incest apologist" "pedophile" (again) "abuse endorser" among other things) ((sidenote, I'm on neither side on that particular discourse. my friends from both sides know this. I would elaborate on my stance if this wasn't already long enough, but it is, so I'm leaving it at an "I don't care, you do you, but please leave me out of it")), being... mean... because i blocked someone...? (this one is just. that's how the second wave of hate started btw. yeah, because i blocked someone. holy fuck), and there's probably a handful of other things I haven't seen yet. fuck it, there's probably someone out there calling me a zoophile because of my catboy au

My friends who I will not name because I don't want the high school mean girls crusade to get to them, have helped me stash out evidence for all of the accusations and bullying.

fuck, they were the ones who let me know about it on the first place, both actions for which i am eternally thankful for because it means I can defend myself properly should the occasion arise (dios no quiera)

I've already had to make a post on Xitter responding to the antisemitism and pedophilia claims, in which, for the latter, i had to reveal extremely personal information for the people who started this to give me respite if only for a while

and. ugh

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is. it's. coming back is scary. i want to but at the same time I don't think I can take this shit anymore

I wish I had people defending me like this when the harassment started because I'm a spineless little bitch who'd rather talk things out and at least be neutral with people than clap back and tell them to stop being stinky

but what's done is done and now i just gotta figure out how to fix my head before i do something stupid

this is not the full story obviously, I'm cutting off certain details as well as more personal depression stuff to not make this bible longer than it already is

fuck

TLDR: I need a hug, idk if I'm coming back, I probably will cuz I can't say no to people, and some teenagers are horrible

[stellae-de-baphometis]

ACTUAL Mesopotamian Pagan Goddesses You Can Work With INSTEAD Of Lilith 🌙

So if you've seen the old post of mine touching on an antisemitic "Demonolatry" subreddit, you'll probably have heard about the common argument antisemitic practitioners make to try and justify appropriating Lilith and a lot of other Jewish daemons.

A lot of these people will try to propose that working with Lilith isn't cultural appropriation, because she predates Judaism and is actually a "MeSoPoTaMiAn PaGaN gOdDeSs". And I don't think it takes a genius to realise that this is absolute horse shit lol. Just look at any Mesopotamian deities list and she's not there.

These people are most likely referring to similar spirits such as Lamashtu, Kilili, Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke, Ardat-Lili, and even Inanna/Ishtar in some instances. There's also the family of desert-dwelling night spirits that comprise of the Lilu and the Lilitu/Lili daemons.

While Lilith may have originated from or was based off of these daemons, they are not the same as Lilith. And I get that people have their own UPGs on certain entities being aspects of one another and such, but if that entity is part of a closed practise, you are in no place to even have a UPG on them to begin with. It comes from a practise that you aren't a part of, therefore you have no right or reason to have a UPG on it. Please just leave closed practices alone.

To my knowledge, one of the first times Lilith was documented was in the Dead Sea Scrolls, along with the daemon race of Lilin. The Dead Sea Scrolls is a Jewish/Hebrew text. So the idea that Lilith predates Judaism is just not true, and it's clearly an excuse made by people who appropriate her in an effort to brush off any accusations of their cultural appropriation and covert antisemitism. Lilith and the Lilin are only loosely based on the Lilitu wind spirits; They are not synonymous with one another. Anyone who tries to claim they are is just blatantly uneducated and/or antisemitic.

The whole idea of Lilith having origins in Mesopotamian mythology can all be traced back to a mistranslation. The BS-Free Podcast has an episode on this and it goes into depth about this mistranslation. I highly recommend checking out their podcast episode here!

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In an attempt to combat some of this antisemitic fuckshit, I wanted to make an entire blog post dedicated to the goddesses and daemonesses of ancient Mesopotamia that you can work with instead of Lilith! I've had this idea for a little while now, but didn't really know who to include or how to construct this until now.

I also have another post in the making which will be a more UPG based post and will also include sigils, conjuration chants, correspondences, illustrations, etc. This current post merely exists to function as a guide and a sort of directory, with mostly historical information about each spirit listed.

So without further ado, let me show you some of the other goddesses, daemonesses, and spirits you can work with; All without appropriating someone else's ethnoreligion!

Full post is under the cut. ↓

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☣️ DISCLAIMER: Some of these spirits may be considered intense, unpredictable, and chaotic in nature. These spirits can be overwhelming to work with if you are sensitive to such spiritual energies. Please tread with caution, especially if you're a beginner practitioner. Stay safe. Xx

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of infant/child d3ath, ab0rti0n, and slight mentions of s3xual a55ault/abu5e and r4pe but nothing described in any explicit detail. Also slight mentions of antisemitism and Ne0-Naz1sm towards the end of the post.

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Here are some ACTUAL Mesopotamian Goddesses and Daemonesses that can ACTUALLY be considered Pagan. These spirits, in my opinion, seem to bear the most resemblance to the pop-cultural stereotype of "Lilith".

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+: Kilili :+

Lady Kilili is a daemoness of Sumerian origin, likely associated with owls. She is also attested as a minor goddess who functioned as a servant of Inanna/Ishtar. - Lady Kilili's name is that of a bird, most likely an owl. In one source she is equated with ab-ba-su-su, meaning "she who leans on the window" in Sumerian. She could be referred to as "queen of the windows" and "the one of haunted places", and it's assumed that she was imagined as an owl daemoness. - Kilili was usually affiliated with Ishtar, and according to at least one source, is said to be one of her eighteen messengers. She could also be considered as having a connection to sex due to her link with Ishtar. Kilili could also possibly have links with Lady Ardat-Lili due to similar affiliations, but there is no solid evidence for this. - It has also been theorised that Queen Kilili is in fact the goddess figure depicted in the Burney Relief terracotta plaque, and while it is highly likely, this has never been officially confirmed. - With the limited information we have on Queen Kilili, all we can really say is that she was likely a daemoness and goddess of owls, nocturnal animals, the night, sexuality, and portals to other worlds (hence the whole "windows" affiliation).

. . .

+: Lamashtu :+

Lady Lamashtu, also known as Lady Labartu, is a Mesopotamian daemoness and (demi)goddess who was said to menace pregnant women during childbirth, and allegedly kidnapped children and devoured them. She was blamed for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, as humans didn't yet have a medical explanation for this phenomenon at the time. - She was the daughter of the Mesopotamian Sky God Anu. There are also modern day accounts of Pazuzu being her consort (the Daemon King of the Southwest Winds) and their offspring being the Lilu wind daemons. In my UPG, Pazuzu and Lamashtu seem to be friends with one another (or at most, in a queer-platonic relationship) but aren't necessarily espoused to one another. I do believe there are a specific subtype of Lilu wind daemons that were created by them though. - Lamashtu was also associated with ab0rting unborns and killing newborns, eating men and drinking their blood, disturbing sleep, bringing nightmares, allegedly harassing mothers and expectant mothers, infesting lakes and rivers, killing foliage, and being a bringer of disease, sickness, and death. - Queen Lamashtu was classified as an "evil" spirit, as she acted on her own accord rather than following the gods' instructions. However, it is likely that she was just a more chaotic spirit, as not everything in our world can simply be divided up into "good" and "evil". At least, that's what I believe anyways. - In modern times, Lamashtu could more so be seen as an advocate for ab0rti0n rights and women's rights, as well as a defender of women and neglected/abu5ed children, rather than being a malicious monster who kills without any motive. - As for the men she devours, perhaps we could suggest that these men were persecuting innocent women and sƐxually a55aulting and r4ping them, impregnating them with children the women did not want or were unable to care for. Lamashtu might then assist the woman with ab0rting the unborn child, and then guiding it to the afterlife or elsewhere to be potentially reincarnated. - She could also be seen as persecuting sƐxual abu5ers and protecting the victims or potential victims of such a55aults. I don't know, just some food for thought lol. A lot of the areas in which Ancient Mesopotamian religion was practiced had quite misogynistic attitudes towards women, being the time era that it was (obligating them to stay home and be wives); So perhaps Lady Lamashtu's mythos was somewhat twisted out of content because she didn't fill that stereotypical role. In a way, this could make Lamashtu quite the feminist icon!

. . .

+: Akhkhazu :+

Lady Akhkhazu, also known as Dimme-kur, is a Akkadian daemoness associated with pestilence. She is also called "the seizer". - Akhkhazu brings fever and plagues, and is a part of a trio of daemonesses (Labasu, Lamashtu/Labartu, Akhkhazu). Despite the fact that Akhkhazu is known as a masculine name, she is said to be feminine in nature. - Next to nothing is known of Lady Akhkhazu, however we can confirm that due to her link with Queen Lamashtu, she can be associated with death, destruction, and sickness. Being a daemoness of plagues and illness, it could be proposed that Akhkhazu may also be able to help heal these things.

. . .

+: Labasu :+

Lady Labasu was a part of the aforementioned trio of Mesopotamian daemonesses alongside Lamashtu/Labartu and Akhkhazu. She is said to have the same powers and associations as the other daemonesses in that trio. - Not much is known about Labasu outside of that, but we can assume that she's a daemoness of disease, plagues, pestilence, death, and decay. I believe she could also solely be worked with as a death daemon/deity.

. . .

+: Inanna-Ishtar :+

Lady Inanna, also known as Lady Ishtar, is an ancient Mesopotamian goddess of love, beauty, justice, war, and fertility. She is also associated with sex, divine law/justice, and political power. It was initially thought that Inanna and Ishtar were originally seperate deities, but overtime merged into the same deity (similar to how Amun and Ra merged to become Amun-Ra). - Inanna-Ishtar's prominent symbols were the lion and the eight-pointed star. She also had associations with the planet Venus. She held the title of the "Queen of Heaven". - Her spouse was Dumuzid (later known as Tammuz), the god of shepherds, fertility, and vegetation.

. . .

+: Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke :+

Lady Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke (also known as Kisikil-lila or Ki-sikil) is another obscure Mesopotamian daemoness of which not much is known about. - Her origins date as far back as 600 BCE, in the Epic Of Gilgamesh, an ancient Sumerian epic poem. In Tablet XII, an Assyrian-Akkadian translation of the latter part of the Epic Of Gilgamesh, it tells the story of a 'spirit in the tree' referred to as Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke. Proposed translations for the Tablet XII 'spirit in the tree' include; Ki-sikil as "sacred place", lil-la-ke as "water spirit, and lil as either "spirit" or simply "owl" (given that the lil builds its home in the trunk of a tree). - The Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke is associated with a serpent and a Zu bird. In the ancient city of Uruk, a huluppu tree grows in Inanna's garden, and she plans to use the wood of the tree to build a new throne. After ten years of growth, Inanna returns to the garden to harvest the tree, but finds that it has since been inhabited. A serpent is dwelling at the base of the tree, a Zu bird is nesting atop the tree raising its young, and the Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke has built a home within its trunk. - Gilgamesh was said to have killed the serpent, then the Zu bird flew away to the mountains with its young, while the Ki-sikil-lil-la-ke fearfully destroyed her house and fled to the forests. - Lady Ki-sikil's story was eventually mistranslated as referring to Lilith, leading to the misinformation of Lilith having origins in Mesopotamian mythology. - Outside of this, not much is known of Lady Ki-sikil. Going off the limited information we have of her, we can conclude that her associations are with willow trees, owls (or other birds of prey), water, snakes, forests, and vegetation in general.

. . .

+: Ardat-lili :+

Lady Ardat-lili (also known as Vardat-lilitu) is a Mesopotamian daemoness and wind/storm goddess who inhabits the desert. Not much is known of this daemoness, but in modern times she has been likened to a "succubus" or vampiric-like entity. Ardat-lili was said to prey on men and conceive daemon offspring from their nocturnal emissions. - There are a few different stories of Ardat-lili's origins. Some sources claim that she was the spectre of a young girl who died before getting married, and out of sheer bitterness and envy, she sets out to prevent and/or sabotage the marriages between mortals. Other accounts suggest that Ardat-lili may refer to a specific family of multiple spirits, rather than a singular entity. In my UPG, Ardat-Lili is a daemoness, whereas the Lilitu/Lili are a class of spirits that Ardat-Lili belongs to. - Ardat-lili is yet another daemoness of which little information is known, and it's likely that a lot of her mythos was lost to history. I personally interpret her as a daemoness/goddess of storms, wind, the desert, sexuality, and the night. I also see her as being androgynous, similarly to how I see Astaroth in my UPG.

. . .

+: Ereshkigal :+

Lady Ereshkigal (also known by the titles "Queen Of The Underworld" and "Queen Of The Great Earth") is the Goddess of Kur, the land of the dead in Sumerian mythology. In later myths, she was said to rule Irkalla alongside her husband Nergal. However, Ereshkigal and Nergal were only two of the many deities that ruled over the underworld in ancient Mesopotamia. - On some accounts, her name was given as Irkalla, similar to how the Greek name Hades was given to the underworld itself as well as the ruler of the underworld. Ereshkigal is also known by the name of Ninkigal, meaning "Lady Of The Great Earth". - In the ancient Sumerian poem Inanna's Descent To The Underworld, Ereshkigal was said to be the older sister of the aforementioned Inanna-Ishtar. But historically, they weren't commonly associated with one another. Another account associates Ereshkigal with the gods Ninazu (originally regarded as her husband but later as her son) and Ningishzida. It was said that Ninazu initially ruled over the Underworld, but Ereshkigal later fulfilled this role as the mythos evolved overtime. - In later Babylonian deity lists, Ereshkigal ruled over a category of Underworldian gods that were known as "Transtigridian Snake Gods" which included Ninazu, Tishpak, Ishtaran, and the Elamite god Inshushinak. She also had a messenger named Namtar. - Some accounts suggest that Ereshkigal and Inanna-Ishtar are somewhat polar opposites to one another; With Inanna-Ishtar being the Queen Of Heaven, and Ereshkigal being the Queen Of The Underworld. -

. . .

+: Tiamat :+

Lady Tiamat (a.k.a. "The Glistening One") is the primordial goddess of the sea in Babylonian mythology. She represented the embodiment of primordial chaos, and was said to have created the entirety of the cosmos and the universe. with the help of her consort Abzu, the god of groundwater. - Tiamat's consort was Abzu, the god of groundwater. Together, they bore the first generation of deities, including their son Kingu. However, trouble arose when these gods kidnapped and murdered Abzu in an attempt to usurp his lordship over the universe. This angered Kingu, and he reported the incident back to his mother. - Devastated and enraged by her husband's death, Tiamat created eleven mighty monsters, including the first ever generation of dragons, whose bodies she filled with "poison instead of blood" and sent them to rage war upon the gods to avenge her husband. After war broke out, Tiamat was eventually killed by the storm god Marduk, and it was said that he integrated elements of her body into the heavens and the earth. - Tiamat is associated with sea serpents and dragons, and may have even taken the form of these animals sometimes. - Side Note: I actually wanna make a whole seperate post regarding the eleven monsters created by Tiamat, because I think they're really cool and I do wanna venerate them at some point!

. . .

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Welp, that's pretty much it for this post! I will eventually be making a post about The Anti-Lilith-Appropriation Hierarchy Of Spirits I have come up with, comprised of all the spirits, goddesses, and daemonesses you can work with and venerate instead of Lilith. So stay tuned for that!

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There are many different deities, daemons, and spirits that you can honour, worship, and venerate; Lilith doesn't need to be one of them.

Respecting closed practices is of upmost importance, because here's the thing... Spirituality and metaphysical beings cannot be definitely proven to exist. However, the years upon years of discrimination, erasure, xenophobia, religiophobia, and maltreatment in general that groups of people such as Jews and Muslims have had to go through, is very much real and can be backed up by solid evidence.

Do you really think it makes sense to prioritise something that could very well be all in your head, over actual oppressed minorities who have literally been mistreated and even killed since the very beginning of time, all because of shitty bigoted people's prejudices? Just think about that for a second.

Because if you still think it's completely fine to appropriate Lilith, even though it is evidently clear that she is closed and exclusive to Judaism (NOT Mesopotamian), then I have absolutely no problem assuming you're antisemitic and most likely a Ne0-Naz1 as well. And if you are, you should go and fuck yourself. :)

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There's unfortunately quite a lot of antisemitism in occult spaces, especially when it comes to Satanism, Daemonolatry, and Luciferianism in particular. I want to do my best to counteract this shit and to help educate those new to this branch of the occult, so that unsuspecting people don't fall down an antisemitic pipeline like I did at the beginning of my path onto Daemonism and Daemonolatry.

If my best friend hadn't educated me on how bad cultural appropriation actually is and hadn't snapped me out of my radicalisation process, the gods only know where I would've ended up... It deeply concerns me just thinking about it. I hate to think about how antisemitic occult spaces such as r/DemonolatryPractices could've potentially led to me being radicalised into a Ne0-Naz1... Ugh, it makes me fucking shudder...

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that cultural appropriation is completely fine and not harmful at all, because if you give that shit enough time to fester, you never know what it could snowball into. You'll most likely fall down a right-wing pipeline, and trust me, it is not a place you want to end up in.

I had to learn that the hard way.

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Anyways, I hope you found this post helpful and informative! And as always, I wish you well on your spiritual journey. <3

~ May You Be Blessed By The Daemonic/Infernal Divine ~

-Kody

[papirouge]

I’ve stopped caring what my dad says about protesting and how he thinks it’s stupid to get arrested protesting at the universities because “your life becomes so hard after that arrest goes on your record” because the bigger picture is something he doesn’t want to see. Most boomers cannot handle that the reality of the future for us is grim without drastic fighting and change. They know they’ll be dead soon

But I can’t stop shaking at the horrors that happened in the tents of Rafah. And that now that the Israeli president is now getting called for HIS arrest, he responds by more violence. Clearly nothing will stop him unless someone like the CIA assassinates him.

No offense to you dad, but did he forget what his own generation did back in his youth?

I know Alzheimer is a bitch, but the selective memory collection of older generation and their own youth activism is very embarrassing. I actually find zoomer very tame in comparison to gen X (those who were teens during the late 90s/early 00s) and even boomer who were popping pills like there's no tomorrow, engaged in straight up satanic cults, and polylove sects in the 70s. But noooo zoomers are actually very dangerous because....*checks notes* they are protesting against a genocide.

I wouldn't trust the word of people who most likely have only a decade to live on this world. The consequences won't be the same for them.

I think I already made a post about it but I'll forever side eye the hypocrites who during c0vid were arguing how it unfair to label all the anti lockdown protestors as "far right" or "white supremacists", have no issue calling all of those protestors "hamas supporters" (hi Dr. Eli David!). The mask of many former anti lockdown freedom fighters really slipped off the moment it came to anti Zionist protests. They hopped on the side of the same oppressive power that brutalized them 4 years before... Suddenly the police was "right" to arrest & brutalize people exercising their freedom of speech because antisemitism/islamist/Hamas supporter... Those people were never about freedom, they were about to have their own way under any excuse.... They are disgusting & fake and I'd advise anyone to never take seriously any of what they say any more.

BTW, isn't it funny how no one came up with the "antichrist" accusations against Netanyahu? 🙃 this dude checks out a bunch of boxes : martyring Christians (in their own churches), hounding, mass deporting & killing anyone on its way under the premise of providing world peace.... Conservatives called Obama the anti Christ for much less....jeez I wonder whyyyyy... ah yes, white people/conservatives casual racism of being suspicious of someone sense or morality based on their skin color lol

[discluded]

Hi discluded,

[This is regarding the the literature and not the real life situations.]

I am a fan of watching bl and gl series but I'm more interested in reading the written versions. I have read alot of translated novels/manga /manhua and watched donghua etc.

When it comes to translated works books like The grandmaster of demonic cultivation,SVSS, TGCF, Painter of the night are widely popular now. But that's just the icing on the cake. There are many novels mangas/manhuas with much darker and more violent themes [ All with characters above the age of consent]in the categories of Yuri/Yaoi/hetero.

But what baffles me the most is that though most of the plots of thai bl books and bl series are relatively tame when compared to other danmei/ yaoi stories , the amount of rage present in this bl series watching fandom as a whole.

People get angry at every single thing.They are always warring against each other.Civil discourse is present but very passive aggressive. It's filled with moral policing left and right [Regarding the literature].

Majority of the danmei novels have sensitive themes but the arguments in the danmei fandom are usually very civil . There's not much anger present.

I saw this especially when daemi released Kinnporsche, VegasPete and even Big Dragon . At the end of the day it's just literature....

Like Vegas/Kinn are in the mafia.And Vegas has a lot of unhealed trauma and borderline insane. He obviously isn't going to be acting like a normal person without getting help and Pete's not a psychologist.. How can people expect them to act like the usual couple ? Obviously it's not that simple.

I just don't understand why this bl-series- watching -community gets so angry at everything. There's so much toxicity. Why do people watch and then complain ? The tags are already there.If that form of literature is way too sensitive to consume ,then they shouldn't. I don't consume literature that I find triggering. We all have enough understanding to be able to make a choice of what we want to read.

Why scold the people who consume it ? Why try to act morally superior than the ones who consume and scold them ? I simply don't understand why some of these people behave like this.

What are your thoughts about it ? I would like to know .

As someone who's enjoyed Hannibal and keep watching people trying to cancel Hannibal for being the gaslight gatekeep murder cannibalism show, lol. idk.

i don't bother trying to understand antis' perspective (whether or not they label themselves as antis because they certainly behave like antis) because they don't deserve the energy of me extending empathy when they have none for other people. It's the same mentality as any western group trying to culturally colonize narratives that don't belong to them in the first place.

also wank in danmei fandom is definitely not civil if you've seen people try to cancel MXTX, an author who rarely gives interviews, for existing and having her characters have sex/have any kink, or try to accuse Chinese fans of antisemitism for pointing out the Lans can't be Jewish because they practice Daoism which is also a core tenant of the plot of the novel. or try to cancel me for biphobia when I tried to contextualize historical and modern chinese terminology around queer identity and behavior, which informs self-conceptualization of identity.

You may enjoy @dirtydirtychai's purity wank tag though!

[lostandfem]

Do you seriously think trans people all are gender conforming? Lol gnc trans people exist lmao. I know a transfem who is a butch bisexual who I'm happily married to. She has short hair, loves wearing long sleeved plaid shirts and some jeans. You transmisogynists love talking about trans women as men in dresses without considering how people can also be GNC. Being transgender is also not innate. I'm a genderfluid bisexual person who often identify as a cis woman but sometimes I identify as a binary man. To say transgender is innate erases the identity of multigender people, who falls under the nonbinary umbrella, which also falls under the trans umbrella. Lol even as an AFAB identifying as a man, I sometimes wear skirts cause I'm GNC. Trans people I know also acknowledge GNC cis people. I know lots of GNC cis women who identify as woman and don't like skirts or dresses and even know some women who take part in masculine activities like boxing, basketball and etc. I don't know much about GNC cis men but I have a friend who is a GNC cis man. He loves to cosplay as his favorite anime characters. He cosplays as anime characters who are not only men but women and still identify as a man. See? Trans people acknowledge that GNC cis people exists too. Do better in discussing trans people and our ideologies, you radfems. Also, as a trans person of color, it's funny how you radfems love JK Rowling, the woman who is transphobic, racist, antisemitic and orientalistic when writing Harry Potter. Oh and JK Rowling also associates herself with conservatives. Associating yourselves with such a bigoted woman, how are you going to use that to explain your feminism that is supposed to liberate marginalized people?

Never said gnc trans people dont exist, I was trans long enough to know that and considered myself one of those because I wasn’t particularly masculine but rather androgynous (in clothing anyway). My post questioned the application of the label ‘trans’. What I did say was that for males it seems to be an opt-in scenario. Option 2 in the post I assume you saw mentions the “take my word for it” self-id, which includes trans women who in no way look feminine/conforming to female gender roles. It’s up to them to tell you how they feel about their gender. Even your friend can dress up femininely in cosplay and not be accused of being trans. However, I’ve noticed the opposite for women. If you’re a gender noncomforming ‘cis’ woman, you are questioned if you’re actually a woman at all. The label of “trans” is seems opt-in for males but not for females.

The incompatibility I mentioned was about incompatible philosophies on gender. No where did I say there was a hatred for them or you couldn’t be friends with them.

What on earth does JK Rowling have to do with this conversation? You assume I worship her or something. JKR isn’t the founder of radical feminism, and I personally feel pretty neutrally about her, and I do feel kinda weird about some of the aspects of her writing. It’s like how nonbinary people have been like “man i hate that I’m in the same category as ezra miller”— you can be in the same group as someone but still not really be associated with them personally or even like them. But it feels to me like you needed to let off steam so I hope you got it all off your chest.

[fu-tankies]

The double standard is so obvious to anyone who's been following the war in Ukraine that it's simply infuriating. Everything that Israel is being accused of doing, rightly or wrongly, has been done by Russia. It had been happening—on a full scale!—for almost 2 years before October 7. The discourse surrounding the two wars is so incomprehensibly different my jaw is still on the floor.

- The insistence even by foreign-affairs experts that what Russia is doing is a regular old war and not a genocidally-motivated colonialist, imperialist conquest. As opposed to what Israel is doing, obviously, even though Israel was attacked first, Russia wasn't. Also, have you seen the two countries on the map?

- The denial or understatement of insane war crimes, even ones as well documented as what happened in Bucha or the stealing of Ukrainian children. Rape, torture, purposeful striking of aid workers. Imprisoning and killing of journalists. Actual, well-documented conspiracies to influence other countries' politics. All of these things Russia is doing right now but I can only see people screaming about Israel, often without nearly as much evidence as there is for Russia right there.

- The insistence that Israel is the most racist country on earth when, again, Russia is right there. Do you know what's happening to brown people in Russia right now? Have you heard how Russia is literally tricking foreigners into signing up for the military en masse? Do you know how big of a neo-nazi problem Russia has? Do you know how much land Russia has stolen, how many cultures it has decimated? Just look at the fucking map.

- The narrative that Russia is not islamophobic. LOL. Google Chechnya why don't you. The idea that ISIS would never attack Russia because it's pro-Palestine?! What is this Pravda-level propaganda shit?

- I and many Russian nationals I know have never been made to feel responsible for what Putin is doing by random westerners. We've been treated with sympathy and understanding—but also often with doubt as to whether Russia was really as bad as the western media was making it out to be. Surely some of it is just propaganda and exaggeration? Oh man, it's a shame that we can no longer work together with Russian scientists. But a Russian national who's also an Israeli national? Oh boy, guess how she's been treated. It's fucking insane. It's completely batshit insane.

As a non-Jew, there's simply no other explanation I can find for this than blatant, unrepentant antisemitism. I can't stop thinking about it because I thought you guys (westerners) were better. Not inherently better, no, of course not, but just a bit ahead of us (post-soviets) on social justice issues. I was so, so wrong. You have lost the plot so completely.

I'm not Jewish. I was raised a very boring type of protestant, and now I don't really connect to any religion.

I have observed, and been told, and believe, that it is not safe, is scary and dangerous for Jewish people to say out loud such 'controversial' things as Israel is a country that exists and we need to work within that basic reality if we actually hope to make any change or progress.

So I will say it. And more people who have a basic grasp on reality should say it too so it isn't only Jewish people making this very obvious statement.

[recreationaldivorce]

remembering a post on here that argued that the reason why cis women being accused of being transfem isn't an example of them being tma is bc they can just "prove they are cis" and like... how? by giving the transmisogynist a time machine so they can view their birth? like, you can't prove that you're cis or trans, cis/trans status is based on a relationship to a moment that happened when you were born which cannot really be conclusively determined by others without just believing what the person says or what a witness says (ie the medical staff present, the bio parents), otherwise people wouldn't be able to go stealth. you don't have to pretend that tme people can only be believed to be trans women in fleeting, ephemeral moments, in order to make the argument that camab trans people are the subject of transmisogyny. like transphobes are notorious for accusing cis women of being trans women, whether or not they really believe it I dont think is particularly relevant bc you know they are not going to stop calling those cis women trans no matter what "evidence" they show bc there is simply no "evidence" a cis woman can provide that's mutually exclusive with being a trans woman except for a time machine to check what happened when she was born lol. the point is that cis women accused of being trans are not what they are being accused of being, ie being camab women—just like when antisemites accuse gentiles of being secret jews and will not accept that the person is not jewish no matter what they say, that doesn't mean that antisemitism is not specifically targeting jews. like i feel like this should not be so hard to understand, the point is not that you can disprove being a trans woman; the point is that what you're being accused of being, is what trans women actually are

[aledethanlast]

do you have any thoughts on the 'aot is fascist and antisemitic' thing? (if you want to get into it, and probably the topics you mentioned in the post are more interesting lol). when i watched it most of the accusations seemed blatantly false and made in bad faith to me, but also i'm not jewish, so i'm interested in how it seems to you.

I do not think AoT is supposed to be antisemitic, and as you said most of the accusations I've seen are either willful misinterpretations or outright lies. That said, there are certain narrative elements that, in parcel with being kinda bad writing, end up being antisemitic.

Here's the thing: AoT takes a very long time to get to the fucking point. Almost three full seasons of "What the fuck is the deal with the titans", then like, five episodes of flashback to explain the entirety of marleyan and global politics wrt the island, just so we can understand season 4. So in order to make up for lost time, the author relied heavily on parallels to jews and nazi germany. And it worked really, really well.

Except...this isn't actually a story about Jewish oppression during ww2. It's a story about how oppression is a manufactured state, and how nations will flip-flop between being the mighty conqueror and the oppressed victim depending entirely on which state lets them justify their actions more easily. (Fun game: rewatch season four, and note exactly when the islanders call themselves Eldians vs Children of Ymir.) Each of those alone is fantastic. But the rules of latter do not apply to the former.

And then we discover Ymir's backstory, which falls into the same trap of being a phenomenal piece of television that should have never been in the same story as the others. The result ends up being "This is an entirely artificial cycle of hate and oppression...but also the jews kinda started it. And also they're not the real jews, they just enslaved and ate them and took the name." Which...is exactly what it sounds like.

(I have a lot of issues with Ymir's backstory, despite my love for it. Namely, how do you mention that every attack titan to ever live might have colluded across spacetime as potential checks on the king, and never follow up, holy SHIT.)

TLDR AoT used jews and antisemitism as shorthand for oppression, but didn't know how to properly divorce itself from the topic in order to effectively make the point it actually wanted without undermining both.

[angelhummel]

unpopular opinion: I have trouble seeing brittana as a serious longterm relationship

they just feed into each others delusions and worst behaviours because they won't ever call each other out on their shit

like when brittany goes against what kurt wants for his campaign posters, instead of giving brittany a reality check Santana says something like 'omg Kurt's 100% the wrong one here for not seeing how smart u are xx'

then their fans will be like 'wow Santana's the only one who sees how truly big brain brittany actually is, the definition of a healthy unproblematic couple’

if finn said to rachel ‘ur right rachel, sending sunshine to a crackhouse was the best thing for the team, ur such a consideration person’ i don’t think people would have a problem seeing why that’s just a couple feeding into bad behaviours but uwu sapphic cheerleaders <3

that might be an extreme example but when you look at how santana won’t get mad at brittany for releasing a their sex tape it just comes across as santana wants to coddle brittany and treat her like a child rather than an equal,

and then when brittany is still saying that santana is actually nice person underneath after being straight up told how santana is just taking advantage of her, it doesn’t seem like Brittany has any genuine reason for thinking that Santana is nice and is in fact just too dumb to understand why Santana isn’t nice

they were a surface level couple being all 'uwu we love each other so much, scissoring lol xx' but have no substance, they just don't act like people in a serious relationship would

sorry this is a bit long and really salty, i’ve just held onto this frustration about the whole ‘Santana is the only one who sees how smart Brittany is and Brittany is the only one who sees how nice Santana is’ ‘they’re the most realistic glee couple’ ‘they carried the show’ thing that in recent times has popped up more and more especially with the glee fandom on tiktok

to each their own but for the life of me i just don’t understand it

I literally don’t have anything to add. That’s pretty much every major complaint I have with them. And summed up better than I’ve ever said it so thank you lol

Santana will be racist, ableist, fatphobic, antisemitic, even homophobic and lowkey transphobic with some of the shit she says about Kurt and Rachel and then Brittany will be like “she’s actually a good person” and shippers are like “awww Brittany’s the only one that sees Santana for who she really is uwu they’re perfect!” 

and Brittany will ruin Kurt’s campaign, cheat on her partner, release Santana’s sex tape without her permission, try to out Santana multiple times, go behind Santana’s back to talk to her abuela when Santana has clearly stated she doesn’t want that, and also just be rude at best, racist and bigoted at worst whenever she opens her mouth to talk to someone never mind the actual insane shit like accusing a teacher of sexual assault or beating another student with an umbrella. And Santana will be like *literal crickets* and the fandom is like “omggg Santana loves her girl! she’s so whipped! she knows brittany is a genius!” 

and omg i know i always clown on people who spin klaine as abusive and come up with ridiculous shit but brittana?? like brittany gets so much fucking worse without santana and still acts like just as shitty a person as ever. meanwhile santana’s glowing up in ny working and going to school and making career moves and actually kind of being a decent person. and then the second she’s back with brittany, brittany is whispering a few sweet words to her and telling her to ditch her real life, dragging her off on a fucking vacation. and then in s6 they’re meaner than ever! it’s disgusting and i hate it :)

[feuilletoniste]

bad post review: midrash

I know it’s essentially impossible for Jews online to talk about Israel, whatever their feelings regarding the whole Palestine thing, without being endlessly harassed and accused of ridiculous shit up to and including actual blood libel, so this is going under a cut lol.

Anyway, here’s a concept for you: it’s possible for us, by which I mean the Jewish people in general, to hope for Israel’s continued existence WHILE ALSO acknowledging that the government has pretty much always sucked. If it’s possible for Russians or Americans or Turks or Germans or Brits or Syrians to feel anything other than hatred towards their homeland, it should be possible for us to have more complex feelings towards Israel than just “bad, should be abolished.” I’ve not really discussed my own feelings toward Israel before, mostly because 1) it’s none of your business, 2) I don’t want to be sent death threats or accused of wanting to murder Palestinians with my own hands, and 3) it’s really none of your business, but: I think Israel should continue to exist. I think it is indeed possible for both Israel and Palestine to co-exist, and to share Jerusalem. I’ve been to Israel; I’ve been to Jerusalem. It’s a lovely place.

I don’t know that I’d call OP antisemitic for this post, or even that it’s an antisemitic post -- it’s certainly stupid, but hey, this is Tumblr -- but I do want to make it clear that it’s possible for someone, Jewish or otherwise, to believe both that Israel is a legitimate state which should be allowed to continue, and that Palestine should not be attacked. It’s possible both to support Palestinians and Israel.

[nooblord9001]

By all accounts Steven Universe is a Jewish character

all except the actual fucking text of the cartoon lol

I’ll be honest, if I had written that post on Jojo Rabbit today, it would look very different. I still don’t like the movie, but I’m a lot less harsh on it now that Trump isn’t in office— with the very real threat of my own country turning into Nazi Germany that electing Trump threatened to imply.

(For the Record: I am aware that Biden is capable of turning the U.S. into a hellish police state, and that Trump being re-elected/any GOP candidate winning would all but guarantee things getting worse)

There is absolutely a time and place for films about “hey maybe the civilians of a democracy-turned-despotic AREN’T always 100% complicit in their country’s atrocities that can be mowed down without remorse,” especially nowadays… but it wasn’t in the 2016-2022 political landscape where the “Nazis” were fucking Trump Voters (and even if it was, I don’t think Tumblr would’ve been happy that the mind behind “Our Flag Means Discourse” & “Thor: Lore & Frigeration” was the one telling it, but I’ll take your advice and leave that conversation to the communities that would actually be affected by Taika’s controversies).

This is something I’m going to have to internalize going forward with my expectations and analysis of media I consume: Cultural Warfare is simply shifting goalposts Too Fast for big group art projects to adequately resonate in the way I had been hoping and expecting it to. This isn’t a bad thing— dealing with Trump for 8 consecutive years would’ve been the fucking deathknell of human civilization right then and there, and I stand by that —but it does mean that the greasy neckbeards who shriek “POPULAR MEDIA BAAAAAAAD!” toward the MCU unfortunately had a point about it not being as Woke as I was tongue-bathing it to be at the time.

In the GamerGate years, we needed media to reassure that marginalized communities did not resent their imperfect allies the way they do with their oppressors. Instead every pop cultural institution refused to say anything beyond vague “Fuck Privileged People” ragebait, and then cried Tone Police when questioned if we were collectively being too harsh.

In the Trump Administration, we needed media like The Owl House (& possibly Hazbin Hotel if Adam stays dead) to alienate Conservatives and say “You do not belong in society. If you hurt marginalized people, We Can & Will Replace You— Violently, If Necessary.” Instead, media was too busy correcting the mess it was making only a couple years prior, so instead we got shit like TROS & WW1984 coddling the everloving fuck out of Nazis.

Nowadays, I’m not sure what we need right now, but we’re not going to get it until it’s “too late” to enjoy the kind of “Holy shit, this is EXACTLY what we need WHEN we needed it!” that it felt we were getting with stuff like Wonder Woman 1 & Black Panther 1.

As for the accusation of antisemitism… yeah, if an omniscient being pointed a “go directly to superhell; do not pass go, do not collect $200” weapon at me demanding a truthful answer to “Do you have Unchecked Biases & Blindspots that risk harming Jewish Communities?” I’d unfortunately have to say yes.

I’d probably have to say this about every marginalized ethnic/ethno-religious/racial group, but with Jewish people it’s the one that’s the most obvious to me that I’m struggling in being an ally for.

FUN FACT: Me going on one of my “Death is the Only Remedy Conservatives Deserve!!!1!” tirades— like the one you replied to! —in the midst of a topic where it didn’t belong was what got me (rightfully) kicked out of Lily’s now-defunct Sylvanas Loyalist server! 🫠

Although I would like to Be Better about this sort of thing, I unfortunately have zero intention of taking advice from strangers on the internet at this present time.

I must say, despite your frustrated tone with me, I’m sincerely glad your stroll through memory lane gave me an excuse to self-reflect on the unrealistic expectations I’ve put on pop culture media, and the somewhat-related problematic mental-habits I picked up from building my moral compass during the Trump administration; if she weren’t busy being on vacation whilst awaiting for the verdict of the appeal her lawyers sent to Tumblr Court, I think Lily would be appreciative of you for doing her job of keeping me honest like this in her absence.

Madness

[brahkest-fr]

Hey! Anon that asked for light to be shed, wanted to specify I wasn’t trying to accuse / attack, just wanted to go right to the source and ask directly rather than get caught up in accusations. Don’t like to give credit to rumors without actually asking the person they’re about yknow??

Oh no worries, more or less that stuff was directed at whoever is accusing me and let’s be honest who the fuck else is that post about other than me lol

I honestly appreciate people coming to me first because I feel like it’s fair to get my side of the story, whether or not what is accused is true. I’m not about that cancel culture bullshit where some rando’s word is taken at face value because why not. 

I want everyone to know I am more than willing to converse and very open to talk to. Don’t take my upsetti spaghetti-ness personally - I’m sure anyone would be upset by these quite serious accusations. I’m stressed as hell right now from this and other things in my life and it does genuinely bring me comfort to know that someone out there wants to get my own word on the matter. In fact, I actively encourage whoever is accusing me to make a blog and fill it with evidence. I want to know what I supposedly did so I can rectify this wrong because I am not antisemitic and have dozens of people who can vouch for me. I will 100% apologize if I am in the wrong but until then I will wait.  

Random side note, when that post said that I make Jewish slur jokes despite me not being Jewish, how on earth would they know that? I don’t even think my family knows my religious preferences because I never talk about them nor are they anyone’s business. I have great doubts anyone on this green earth aside from my bf would know my religious preferences. Some people have told me this might be about me drawing tits on my dragons but uh, sorry whoever hates me for that, I like tits and you can sod off. 

*edit: Hold up, I read the post wrong. I thought they said I wasn’t Jewish but they said IF I wasn’t Jewish, I shouldn’t be saying Jewish slurs. 1) are you implying that if you are Jewish then slurs are ok to say and 2) you shouldn’t say slurs at all regardless of who you are so what are you even saying in that post. My bad on reading comprehension. Regardless none of this makes sense unless I’m a cartoon villain who just casually says slurs willy nilly because that’s just what people like that do I guess. Again this is to the accuser, not you anon

[marxsgrandson]

“You’re not Russian, you’re just American with some Russian blood”- my Israeli PS professor (who is neither Russian nor American nor knows anything about me)

Long post ahead: read it if you’d like but mostly just hoping there’s someone else who can relate to the feelings I’m about to express. So here goes:

Had an unbelievably shitty day today.

I’m in this one political science class. It always ends up somehow ruining my mood. It’s the one with the shitty German men who confronted me in a group after class accusing me of being uncritical towards the Soviet Union, being an antisemite (lol these aryan guys were calling me an antisemite. Like they’re confirmed non-Jewish) and being a dumbass for not idk sucking Gorbachev’s dick personally would be the next leap there. Idk if I posted that here, but it’s necessary context.

Anyways today we were talking about Russia’s motive in x place and just jumping around to every unrelated topic about something about Russia because our class always gets sidetracked and never finishes the lesson we were supposed to do. And of course the Europeans were being pieces of shit.

And the prof said something like “I wish we had Russians in the class to offer maybe a Russian perspective too... like gosh that would be nice. Do we have any Russians?” And I sort of tentatively raised my hand half way because I’m half Russian and when she was looking around the room and didn’t see me, I said “I’m half Russian and this is actually something I heard and talked a lot about growing up, I could take a try at it”

“You’re not Russian, you’re just American with a little Russian blood” she said, dismissing me entirely as the class laughed like it was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. I now realize what it means when people say they feel stung. I was paralyzed by those words and I don’t really know why. What makes it hurt more is that starting two seconds later she called on a series of five German douchebags to try and explain Russia’s motives and says “huh that���s an interesting idea” after each of them say something painfully obviously wrong. And I felt frozen.

If given the chance to unfreeze myself, I wish I said what I was feeling but didn’t have words for: “Hey. That’s not true. Russian was the language I said my first words in. It’s the language of my childhood and my soul. It connected me to something I felt distant from during the school day. I taught myself to read this language as soon as my mom taught me the alphabet as a little kid. I went to Russian school on the weekends when I was young. I worked hard to keep up this language even though I went through shit from my peers for it. I was the only speaker of this language I knew that was my age after the age of 10. The only other time I’d hear it was when my mom criticized me, wanted to manipulate me (because I told her she sounded sweeter in Russian so she used that to her advantage in making my life hell) bc my brother stopped speaking at a young age.

The only reason I have this connection is because I’ve never worked harder for anything else in my life. I took years of Russian lit courses (in Russian) at the local uni when I was in high school. Until then I’d only done math and reading (just for fun not for school) in Russian. Having learning and sight disabilities and being expected to keep up with both college and high school class and workloads was overwhelming at times. Like I was 14, this wasn’t an “easy A” as my friends joked, it was a college level literature course. But I loved it like nothing else. It was an oasis of peace during my adolesence just getting to hear my dearest language spoken by both native speakers and those who adopted it just because of their love for it. It was the first time I realized that this aspect of me isn’t shameful. Plus, the college kids treated me like I was such a hotshot because I grew up speaking the language and I was like a tiny 14 year old in a russia Olympic jacket and a bowl cut so that made my life. Just getting to be around places where for once, I understood everything that was being said in the exact emotion it was intended, having my cultural touchstones be the norm and that I got to interact with instantly more people in this language was really special.

Maybe what pissed me off so much is not only that I think it’s wrong, but that I think she’s right. My experience is different from a Russian experience, which is why I never claimed to be Russian even when I was the most Russian person in that classroom. My experience of being Russian (Jewish) (Italian)American is as much a story of love and connection as it is of shame and disconnection. It is the story of pain feeling inadequate to everyone, always. When I was six, kids were already refusing to play with me because their parents told them I was a spy or an enemy (which wtf who parents their kid like that) just because I talked about visiting my family in the summer (which is a normal thing to do) and gd forbid they live in RUSSIA. The bullshit hasn’t stopped since. My entire childhood, my mom was vigilant about who I was allowed to tell about being Russian because of it. I thought Russian a really important language to people here. I thought they cared about us. I thought someone else who didn’t have to care about us, fucking cared about us Russian Jews. How can a fellow Jew, an academic, not understand the inherent pluralism of Jewish and Russian experiences when she’s lived in this country surrounded by Russian Jews her whole life?

And I get it. I’m not technically Russian. I don’t have a Russian passport. I didn’t grow up in Russia and that still means there’s always someone more qualified to answer certain questions. But I didn’t think it was going to be some goyische fucking German. Cuz at least I saw saturated with these types of discussions about Russian politics, not being allowed to voice my opinion bc these are Russian jewish middle aged and older people lol kids don’t have valid opinions to them, but listening intently since infancy. I watched Russian news and tv shows (we didn’t have money for both English and Russian language tv so my mom chose the Russian tv channels) on the rare occasion I sat in front of the tv. I hung around Russian speakers more than English speakers (of my parent’s age and older) for most of my childhood until this year. And it’s not just the language, it’s the culture too. It’s the fact that no one around me shared these cultural touchstones growing up. and I didn’t share their American ones even though I grew up in the US.

But trips to Russia didn’t make me feel understood in the ways I craved it would. My family always commented on how amazingly I spoke Russian «просто без акцента!» (without an accent) *insert kisses from relatives you don’t even know who they are but they know everything about you* so I was always kind of aware that I couldn’t seamlessly fit in there either. Especially when in my mom’s small town, children who played with me had literally never seen someone with my color of skin and told me I looked “dirty” which catalyzed my whole washing my hands till my arms got dry and peeled and being frightened that I wasn’t getting “cleaner” and then getting diagnosed with my second subset of OCD at the age of seven. I had so many fond memories of my mom’s hometown. So much nostalgia. But I also have memories which pain me, like the many times I was chased out of stores or once in a doctor’s office because the person assumed I was Roma because of my appearance (like I said, small town). Things got even worse when the school I went to summer camp/summer classes in my mom’s hometown found out I was JEWISH. Oof. My mom convinced me that I was betraying my culture and my ancestors and alienating myself from my grandmother when I came out to her at 11, when I cut my hair after three years of her daily verbal harassment in my mother tongue (she knew it hurts more like that). She said if I wanted to continue “on this path” I would lose all connection to Russia.... “and you don’t want that, do you?” Suffice it to say, I got the message pretty young that I don’t belong in Russia either.

My whole life I’ve been translating half of my world to the other half of my world. And within each of these worlds I must translate my contexts many fold times more. (My Babushka still doesn’t know why I’m putting “poison” in my body for what she sees as a character flaw because she just doesn’t have the context for what ADHD is and the way I was taught to translate it in Russian is «дефицит внимание» or “deficit of attention/carefulness” which as far as she’s concerned is just an American invention for what could really be solved if I just sat more still.) And this has made my world so much richer to be lucky enough to have two native languages in which I learned how to express myself and gave me two whole realms through which to intimately understand the world and all of its nuances. You gain a family when you speak a language. It’s unlike anything else! It was even more special that I got to add Arabic at 12 and now Hebrew. I’m so lucky. But an inherent downside of being taught world views that conflict with each other in some very fundamental ways is really hard when you’re autistic and have ADHD because you have to juggle not just one set of social cues and norms, but two (or more, shout out to the multilinguals from childhood). It’s hard but it’s important and I’m so lucky that this was my birthright. I just wish people would take two seconds to try and understand. Or at least think about if something they said might make someone else feel like this, especially if they’re jewish. Like to ya it’s not a new thing to be torn in many directions. Even here where it’s the dominant culture, I expected her as someone who lives here and is an academic, she’d be better.

[mxadrian779]

It really sucks when you find out someone you thought was a friend (or at least a good acquaintance) is actually a pretty trashy person.

Okay, let me build up the backstory. Almost seven years ago, I created a niche political page. I tended it alone for about a year before enlisting the help of a second admin. In comes this guy we'll call Richard. Richard and I got along decently. We shared a lot of thoughts and identities. I thought he helped me with the page considerably. He helped tend the page with me for about two years or so. We chatted a lot, and I really liked him. Then things start getting weird between us. Richard seems to start getting weird. There's stuff going on in his life, divorce and whatnot. I get a notice that the page we had was scheduled to be deleted within seven days. I loved my page; I certainly didn't schedule it for deletion. I ask Richard, who swears he didn't and blames his ex-husband, whom he insists must have hacked his account. I don't know who to believe, although I am certainly more suspicious of Richard than of his ex. I remove the deletion schedule, and bump Richard's page access down—basically, I took away his power and control over my page. Things are okay, kind of. The stuff Richard posts to the page is half decent and half questionable. Then he posts a swastika picture, a meme comparison of some current figure to a past Nazi figure with a swastika flag in the background. I wasn't aware of the post at the time; I was busy with school. I only heard of it when my stalker elsewhere online started circulating news of that post (my stalker watches every one of my online pages and presences) and calling me antisemitic—because of something I didn't post and wasn't even aware was posted! I immediately track down that post and remove it, and talk to Richard about it. He claims innocence and dodges the matter. I don't remember what else went on between us, but I certainly remember him being vague and dodgy about it, even after I told him what a shitty thing that was, and told him to at least consider the image that post projects. He didn't care.

(edit: looking back at my messages to him and finding a host of other problems that happened at once. I wanted to address them but he just ignored me. Transphobia, the swastika post, and he'd made some crude sexual posts, as well.)

 Now, I don't remember the exact timeline of events, but this was coming to a head about two years ago, when I was coming out of my transphobia. Richard had made a few transphobic posts on the page over its lifetime, which I didn't protest then. But then I started to see its shittiness and started deleting it all. I tried to open a discussion about it with him, like, “hey, what's up with this stuff?” kind of thing. Richard ignored me. A little later, I removed him from the page completely, which he didn't protest or maybe even notice. Richard was no longer an admin, but I spent the next few months cleaning up his messes and remaking the tone of the page. I tried to track down his old crappy posts and delete them. I know there must be many more, but they're buried beyond reach. I made it clear on the page that we are no longer to be transphobic, and that we are to be welcoming instead of mocking. I ran solo for a long time, afraid to enlist another admin and another Richard.

 A few years ago, before anything went sour, Richard decided we should have a group counterpart, which he created and added me as an admin. I was hardly active with it, though, more focused on the page part. I was last in the group three years ago—my last post. The group fell inactive and I stopped caring about it, especially when I started seeing what a richard Richard was.

Recently, this group came back to the fore when one of the other people Richard enlisted as an admin came back and started poking around. He took issue with what I had posted three years ago, and flew into all these weird accusations about it. He questioned my integrity and my identity, and said I shouldn't be an admin there. He especially didn't like when I told him I was transgender (he said something derogatory about me being a woman or something, so I countered). I private messaged Richard, and said, “What's going on with the group (i.e., this asshole)?” He replied that he'll handle it. I wish I took record of exactly what was said in the group by the other guy, but that wasn't on my mind. I'll finish this off with the transcript of our messages.

>me

>>him

 >Okay, what's going on with the group?

 >>I have no idea. [he] messaged me about your post im reading it now. But i dont particularly see anything controversial

 >It's so old xD I don't get the sudden action and the “I don't think you should be an admin”

 >>Think he just wants my attention...:P

Ill tend to him

I didnt know your not a woman

 >I'm female, but I don't identify as a woman.

 >>K well.. he says and I agree thats [accusation]

 >No, it isn't.

 >>And I was having such a pleasent day... haha

Drama queening over a dead group

 >Did

Did you just ban me?

 >>No y

 >I think [the other guy] removed me.

I can't access or even FIND the group.

 >>Dont worry about it. Were chatting ill take care of u in a min

And dont talk to him... shes just in a mood. This a mans job

 >? [I have no idea which of those was intended for me]

 >>Sigh... just let the men talk thats all you gotta do. RN

 >Uh, okay then, I'll let the penises talk.

 >>Lol

>> […]

>>Ok weve decided to reinvent the group and its gonna be male exclusive

 >Why??

 >>Because its a dead group anyway and if we reinvent it we can just say its been here for years. Also engage gay men in intellectual discussion and dialouge

Which isnt something woman are not typically interested in anyway

 >Only cismen are interested in intellectual discussion? Wow, seriously dude?

 >>Yeah actually. Its true. But ill let you know if theres something interesting going on in it :)

 >No, it actually isn't, and I didn't have you pegged as a sexist turd. Don't bother. I'm not interested in whatever Grindr knockoff you're going to turn the group into.

I can't believe you're doing this. We used to be a team. You wouldn't even have had the platform without me and the page, and you're just going to turn around and betray me like this?

 >>Its a dead group hun. Buisness comes first... also didnt need page platform for anything. Actually thats what killed it imo

Also no its not grinder. Its for intellectual dialouge and discussion.

We smoke cigars and drink brandy like men. And its a beaitiful thing

 And that's that. Richard is gone. I feel betrayed, but I don't know what I'm entitled to feel when I wasn't that close with him for the last few years anyway. He was married to a man and for all intents and purposes, he bills himself as gay, but he recently had a very strong and public relationship with a woman and got close to her son. Apparently that relationship is no more, and he still calls himself gay. Meanwhile, his page is full of questionable things. I haven't been keeping track of him, but he had recently started cropping up on my feed again. One of his posts said something to the effect of “the country went to crap when we gave women and minorities the vote” and it's just like WOW ARE YOU KIDDING ME. How was I EVER friends with this dude??