#(this or anything else that went down during our time in college together)

[skteezcursed]

❝MY EVERYTHING❞ — c.jh (request)

PAIRING. choi jongho x fem!reader.

SYNOPSIS. jongho has always been your person, as well as you were his. neither of you knew exactly when everything shift from friendship to love, neither knew how madly in love either were. you trusted him blindly. he would move mountains for you. all you both needed to do was to say the three little words.

GENDER. smut. pure fluff.

AU/TROPES. best friends to lover. idiots in love. college au. jongho is a simp.

RATING. R (+18) - MDNI.

WARNINGS. soft sex. cunnilingus. handjob. blowjob. fingering. dry humping/thigh riding. unprotected sex (pull out method and please don’t do this). cock warming (kinda). let me know if i forgot anything.

WORD COUNT. 12k (a little more than you requeste but i did it haha).

NOTES. english is not my first language. jongho is the sweetest. all the boys pariticipate, but mostly WooSanSang. this story is for pookie minnie (@yourlocaljonghoe), hope you like it, sorry for the delay. thank you @bro-atz for being the beta! bye ♡.

IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraing how any of the people quoted here are in real life.

CREDS. dividers by cafekitsune ♡

                It was ridiculously pathetic, it had to be.

                There was no way everything could possibly get better, feel better, just be better because you entered a space, and yet, the rays of sunshine felt like they shine brighter, the wind of early fall could be felt on his skin (as if he wasn't in the closet out space of the library), the hushed conversations quickly muffled as all his eyes could see was you entering the library with your laptop and books in hand, your bag hanging from your shoulder as your hand took some of the hair away from your face.

                He knew it was wrong, to feel the things he felt for you, you were his best friend after all, but he just couldn’t control it. You have always been there for him during middle and high school, people used to joke that you two were a couple, he had even helped you get away from unwanted attention, that was probably when it all started, when he started to look at you differently, when your touch started to burn his skin in a good way, when the butterflies in his stomach stopped being from anxiety and started to be because you were close to him, your hand in some part of his body, or simply when your eyes found his, followed or not by a small smile.

                It was only when you sat in front of him that he realized how he was staring, feeling his ears turn red but thankfully your attention was mostly focused on your things. Both had different subjects as you two were from different courses, but you always find time to study together, even if just for a bit, a habit you both got mainly thanks to how difficult high school had been.

                “How were your classes? I thought you’d be here only later.”

                “Last one got canceled,” he tried not to focus on your face, rather at your hands and how you splattered everything at the table, making a small smile appear on his lips. “You know you don’t need to bring your whole house to your classes and such, right?”

                “As if you don’t always try to get at least one of these from me whenever we study together,” you laughed before throwing an eraser in his direction which he easily catches, making you roll your eyes. “Anyway, do you mind if someone joins our study session?”

                “Someone?”

                It wasn’t common for that to happen, mostly because either of you had a project together with someone else, but since classes had barely started, it didn’t really made sense for someone else to enter your little study sessions.

                “Yeah, he’s actually my senior, we gonna help each other out in two different projects,” if you had been paying attention, you’d notice how Jongho’s eyes widened slightly and how his Adam’s apple went up and down nervously. He had seen you before with other guys, going out and having fun, but it always caught him off guard when you asked first, since the last time you asked if someone could join, ‘they’ ended up becoming your boyfriend. “He’s super nice I promise you’ll like him! His name is Seonghwa and he’s the sweetest!”

                “Oh, yeah,” he tried to compose himself a little so you wouldn’t notice the frown on his face or how slightly annoyed he was. Although he didn’t really expect you to see through his actions or wait for him to finally grow a pair and finally ask you out, it still hurt the fact that everything didn’t seem anything other than a friend caring for another, “is he coming now or?”

                “(y/n)?” Both raised your heads as a figured stood beside you, making Jongho hide his jealousy the best he could. The man was one of the most wanted guys on college. Perfect slick back hair, perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect height, perfect body, perfectly polite, a gentleman if all, and he had his eyes focused on you, as your smile spread widely as his presence was noted. “Hope I didn’t take too long, had to fix a few things with the teacher.”

                So, he was supposed to join regardless of what Jongho said? What if he said no? Would you still have had Seonghwa joining in on your session?

                “Hey Seonghwa! It’s okay, don’t worry!” You two exchanged quick hugs before you pointed to Jongho. “This is the guy I was telling you about, Jongho!”

                “Oh, the famous Jongho! Hello!” Famous?, Seonghwa’s hand was stretched out to Jongho who quickly took it, a polite smile on his lips as Seonghwa took the chair on your side. “I’m so sorry to barge in and wanting to do this fast, I just -”

                “It’s okay, I know,” God and you gave him that smile? Jongho quickly lowered his head, trying to focus on the book in front of him, trying to ignore how you and Seonghwa giggled at each other. “- right, Jjong?”

                His head quickly raised at the sound of his name leaving your lips, finding both you and Seonghwa staring back at him, before clearing his own throat trying to buy a little bit of time.

                “Yeah, sure,” that was the right answer, or at least he hoped, although he knew he would say yes to whatever you asked of him. As he watched your smile widening, he couldn’t help but smile himself, but once your attention shifted to Seonghwa, who also had a big smile, something shifted in him, not going unnoticed by the senior. “I- I have to go though -”

                “What already?” You whined making his movements stop for a second, Seonghwa’s eyes not missing the interaction between you and your best friend. “I just got here! We were supposed to go to the diner later on our way back!”

                “I won’t be long, I just needed to check all the details,” Seonghwa’s voice was quick, his gaze shifting between you and Jongho, “sorry to interrupt, we talk later, yes? I’ll text you!”

                He had your number already?, Jongho cursed himself at that thought, he was your senior, you were doing a project together, of course he would have your number, but why did that bother him so much?

                “Ok, we’ll talk more later, I’ll also check with Mingi and Yunho about when you can come over so we can start the project!”

                “I’ll try to reason with Hongjoong, but with Eden’s last feedback he got into his own head and -”

                “I get it!” You cut him with a smile, Jongho’s eyes observing everything, how your smile would widen, and a small giggle came out at Seonghwa’s words, how his eyes would linger a little longer on your face before falling down and back up. “I’ll text you once I get back from the boys, okay?”

                “Yeah sure! Thank you (y/n), you are a life saver and,” as the seniors voice trailed away, Jongho realized he was now the focus of the attention as you eyed him pointing your head towards Seonghwa, who studied Jongho’s reactions, “thank you Jongho, it’s really nice to meet you, I’m happy to have finally met (y/n)’s best friend after all the things she said about you.”

                “What did she say?” His eyes traveled down to you who lowered your head, but he could still see the red tips of your ears and the shy smile on your lips before looking back at Seonghwa who had his eyebrows slightly raised at the two of you. Clearing his throat, Jongho turned his attention to the senior. “Either way, it was a pleasure to meet you too Seonghwa.”

                The older one just nodded with a small smirk your way before kissing the top of your head and walk out of the library. Jongho’s leg bouncing like crazy under the desk, trying to not demonstrate how that small interaction made his intestines twist, his jealous curiosity trying to figure it out how did you two got so close so fast. It was only when he saw your raised eyebrows that he notices he had been staring, again.

                “Okay, spit it out,” you crossed your arms on top of the book, your eyes analyzing his face, “he is nice, you seemed to like him, so why that frown on your head is present?”

                “I don’t have a frown,” the bouncing getting worse as he turned his eyes away from you, who quickly kicked his still leg under the table, getting a surprised look. “That hurt,” you just smiled tilting your head making him sigh, “how long have you known him though? You plan on having him at your place, are the guys okay with that?”

                A shadow of confusion crossed your face before a wide cocky smile take place as you pointed your pen to him.

                “You didn’t listen to anything we talked about, did you?” Jongho sighs and lower his head before hearing you scoff and kick him again, making him eye you annoyed. “You didn’t listen to what you agreed and now you are jealous?”

                “I’m not jealous,” although he tried to change the topic, you didn’t bulge, throwing the pen you were holding towards him, making him glare at you before shaking his head. “Okay, maybe I didn’t listen to everything, but that doesn’t mean I’m jealous!”

                “If you say so,” the victorious smile you had almost made Jongho say something, but what he really wanted was to kiss that away. So what he was jealous? “Either way, you better control your not-jealous face tomorrow, Hwa and Joong are already -”

                “Why tomorrow?” You eyed him shaking your head. “What did I agree to?”

                “You’ll find out tomorrow once we arrive at Hwa’s place.”

                “You barely know him and you calling him ‘Hwa’ and planning on going to his house and-”

                “With you,” you cut him slightly annoyed but still amused, you loved when Jongho showed his jealous and protective side, trying to ignore how your heart was beating out of your chest because of that, “I’m going there with you tomorrow, as you agreed, and while you do what you agreed, me and Seonghwa will work on our projects.”

                “And what the hell am I doing there?”

                The cheeky smile you sent his way make him swallow hard, before you shake your head focusing back on your books.

                “That’s on you for not paying attention and agreeing to something you don’t even know what it is.”

                Although he tried his best, he couldn’t hold back a smile at your words and the smile you sent him. He couldn’t tell you he just said yes without thinking because it was you who had asked him. He couldn’t pretend he would say ‘yes’ to whatever it was that you might ask of him. He was down bad for his best friend, that was the truth as much as he tried to hide it.  

                “Earth to lover boy!” Before he could process, one of the cushions of the couch found his head making Jongho glare at two of his roommates, noticing as they exchanged smiles, San shaking his head, as Wooyoung appeared to be having the time of this life. “What did you and (y/n) do today? You are more distant than usual.”

                “Nothing happened, what you talking about?”

                Jongho sigh and joined them on the couch, San’s eyes lingered on the youngest one a little longer, but before anyone could say anything, Yeosang appeared on the hall, a towel on his shoulder and his clothes in a basket, a knowing smile on his lips, making all the other frown.

                “You are not a good liar Jjong,” Yeosang laughed putting his laundry in as all three waited patiently for the older one to emerge. “I saw you three at the library.”

                “Three?”

                San and Wooyoung said in unison, but Jongho lips were sealed shut, cursing Yeosang as his smile grew wider. The eldest was an innocent angel most of the times, but he could be even more wicked than Wooyoung when he wanted to.

                “Jjong and (y/n) were talking when Park Seonghwa entered the library joining them.”

                “Wait, THE Park Seonghwa?”

                Yeosang nodded at San’s question, both quick to understand why Jongho was sulking so much, but Wooyoung needed more, he always needed more and Jongho was starting to serious considering killing his best friends at that moment.

                “The Park Seonghwa? Perfect, handsome, hot looking guy Park Seonghwa? The one that can have any pussy and dick he wants at any time, just by looking at someone?” San and Yeosang tried to hide a laugh as Jongho’s head slightly turned to focus on the second youngest that was still processing the fact that Seonghwa had been around Jongho and you in the afternoon. “Oh, I’m not condemning (y/n), that dick is probably a 10/10!”

                “Woo!”

                The other two said the same time Jongho’s fist found Wooyoung’s arm, make the other complain in pain holding his arm.

                “What? If Jjong isn’t gonna act he can’t be mad if other guys show interest in (y/n)!” Everyone knew Wooyoung was right, Jongho even sigh holding his head down, the image of you and Seonghwa still carved in his brain. “Look, (y/n) is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, any guy would want a girl like that, you can’t blame Seonghwa for that, but,” all eyes turned to him, a cheeky grin on Wooyoung’s lips before he focused on Jongho, “that doesn’t mean you are out of the race, not until he asks and she accepts being with him.”

                “Wooyoung is right,” San said with a smile, following the line of the thoughts Wooyoung was trying to show, Yeosang quickly joining them, also understanding what his friend was saying, all three receiving a head shake from Jongho. “C’mon Jjong, you know Woo is right!” As Jongho lifted his head, the others tried to hide a smile, maybe this time he’d listen and finally ask you out. “Why don’t you ask her out tomorrow? Go to the diner, pretend is a normal day and ask her out, ask her to give you a chance, but check first if her and Seonghwa aren’t together.”

                “We are going to Seonghwa’s apartment tomorrow,” a groan escapes all their mouths, but Yeosang was quick to stand up, his thinking face making itself visible for all of them. “What is it Yeo?”

                “Know your enemy!” All the others kept waiting for Yeosang to finish as we shook his head seating back down, a smart smile on his lips. “First, do you know why you two going to his house?” Jongho shook his head making the others giggle.

                “He was probably too busy staring at (y/n).”

                Jongho joked he was gonna hit Wooyoung again, making the second youngest try to hide behind San, making the other three laugh.

                “I mean, you are not entirely wrong,” he sighs and noticed the other three waiting for him to explain what had happened, “I mean, once he was there, I tried to ignore how she was looking at him, I mean, have you seen the guy?!” All the other nodded, but Jongho ignored sighing, the image of you smiling and giggling with Seonghwa coming back into his mind like a slap in the face. “So, I tried to focus on my studies, which didn’t really work, until she asked me a question and I just nodded agreeing -”

                “Yeah, because you are down bad!”

                “A simp of the worst kind!”

                “Bet you were just trying not to get caught drooling over her.”

                He scoffs shaking his head at his best friends’ remarks, getting out the couch hearing them complaining before turning with a hidden smile.

                “Look, I know I’m a simp okay? How could I not be? Not when she looks and acts like that!”

                “I mean, she’s not too far behind you, so -”

                “What you talking about, San?”

                The older ones exchanged looks. It wasn’t uncommon for them to turn to Jongho saying you had a crush on him, that they could tell, but he never really bought that, always thinking they were playing with him, so they had stopped talking about it, even if it was obvious how you two looked at each other whenever you were in the same space.

                “The same way you are down bad for her, she is for you.”

                Jongho scoffed and the other three rolled their eyes.

                “She could have Park Seonghwa on around her pinky! Why would she want me?”

                “I agree, I never said she was good in the head,” the face Jongho made brought a laugh to the two older ones as Wooyoung was quick on his feet with his hands in front of him asking for Jongho to wait for him to finish, “look, all I’m saying is that you two are blind when it comes to each other, okay? You may not see the way she looks at you, but everyone else does.”

                “Why you think people don’t usually come at her asking for a date?” Yeosang continued, standing up just like Wooyoung, standing in front of Jongho with arched eyebrows. “You may be a teddy bear, but you are fucking scary when you want and the looks you give to any guy that approaches her gives us the chills!”

                “She dated before, what you guys talking about?”

                “She dated because she was tired of waiting for you and someone else took the initiative,” San joined the other two in front of Jongho making the younger one groan in frustration, “look, we don’t know if (y/n) and Seonghwa are together or something, it may be just a homework thing, Seonghwa is an outgoing person, he talks to a lot of people, it may not be what you think.”

                “You didn’t see the way he looked at her.”

                “Was it anything like you look at her?”

                “What was that supposed to mean Yeosang?”

                “Did it look like she held the sun, moon and stars, the air in his lungs, like a ray of sunshine after a gloomy day, or -”

                “I don’t look at her like that,” he cut Wooyoung making all the other three leave snarky smiles at that comment. “Do I look at her like that?”

                “Only when you know she’s not looking at you.”

                San commented putting a hand on Jongho’s shoulder pulling him back to the couch and seating him down by the shoulders, the other three circled him with knowing smiles, maybe that was the last push he needed to finally grow a pair and talk to you about his feelings, feelings everyone knew you also had for him, except himself.

                “Fine, what do I have to do?”

                He was a coward.

                He was the most coward person you could ever find.

                In his defense, you ended up going to the house first, so he couldn’t bring up anything before, as originally planned and, once he arrived, you were already working on your project with Seonghwa in the living room as you two guided him to meet with Hongjoong.

                He needed someone to sing this ballad he had done, but the lyrics were still a mess, and his voice wasn’t as fitting for the song as was expected, the instrumental was almost done, but without the person to sing it, it felt hollow, broken, exactly like the words Eden used to described one of Hongjoong’s latest works.

                If he was honest, Jongho liked the lyrics and the instrumental, he knew the song was incomplete, but he liked it nonetheless, the instrumentals were heavenly, as you were so quick to say once Hongjoong finally showed you what he was working on. That was when all his courage fell into pieces.

                “Hongjoong! How is this even better than before the summer break? You are a music genius, don’t listen too much into Eden’s words!”

                And you kissed him.

                On the cheek.

                But it was still a kiss.

                Seonghwa’s hands firm on your waist, Hongjoong holding your hand with a shy smile.

                You and Seonghwa being way too comfortable with each other never made so much sense until that point. You two were hooking up, or almost at it. His hand always on you, waist, hip, shoulder, arm, you name it! He had lost his chance, again.

                “- that’s why Jongho is here, right bear?”

                Your eyes lit up to find his, a shadow of something caught you off guard, but he quickly nodded, the shadow no longer there, but still made you question what had happened.

                “Yeah sure, but I still don’t know how much of a help I can be.”

                “Our little angel said your voice is incredible, we need someone to sing that song Joong is writing.”

                Our little angel.

                God he just wanted to die at that moment.

                All the others noticed something was wrong, but as you stepped closer, Hongjoong quickly moved his chair as Seonghwa pulled you closer to him.

                “Look, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, (y/n) showed us some of the recordings from your singing and you have one of the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard and I could also use of another music major for this, you’ll have your credit, don’t worry about that, but I want this to be memorable, perfect even, and I think you can help me achieve that if we work together.”

                It was a love song.

                You could easily tell by the guide Hongjoong had done with the lyrics he had it done, adding the soft melodic instruments the song was incredibly powerful. Jongho’s eyes found yours, they had concern in them, you were blaming yourself for the discomfort he was feeling, probably because you knew he was shy and singing in front of millions – although it was his dream – was still something too far away to grasp, even with the tips of his fingers.

                The fact you had showed them the singing videos, how they acted around you, their little angel, it was more than obvious to him that you and Seonghwa were a thing, you were just trying to find a way to let him know. Hell, he knew you loved to hear him sing, maybe he could use that song to let you know how he felt, all the feelings he harbored for you could go into that song, a small letting go present. He could never be with you, because regardless of his friends’ avid points, you weren’t in love with him like he was with you.

                In love.

                God how something so beautiful can be such a painful thing?

                “I’ll do it.”

                And that was how he found himself in Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s place every other weekend. He and Hongjoong working on the song, while you and Seonghwa were somewhere in the apartment as he tried not to notice whenever your laugh became too loud or you two became too quiet, trying not to focus on the idea that you two might be in his room while he was -

                “What’s up with you today?”

                The song was quickly cut out as Hongjoong stared at Jongho, your muffled laugh and scream managing to pass the soundproof situation Hongjoong created so they could work on the music before using the studio the music students were allowed in only for the final version.

                “Nothing is wrong, sorry, I’ll focus I -”

                Both were cut as steps were felt on the other side of the door and Hongjoong noticed how Jongho’s face fell as your muffled scream was heard along with Seonghwa’s laugh.

                “You do know they are just friends, right?” Jongho’s eyes peaked up at the ‘friends’ word, trying to ignore the smirk that appeared on the elder’s face. “God you two are infuriating, Hwa was right, damn it.”

                “What you talking about? They are just friends? But -”

                “Seonghwa is in a relationship,” Jongho stopped talking at that, waiting as Hongjoong sighed raising his eyebrows, “me and him are together, we call (y/n) our angel because otherwise we wouldn’t have happened.”

                “So… All of this… What -”

                “You two are just as idiots as we were,” Hongjoong got up from the chair getting closer to Jongho that was still processing the information, “your voice wasn’t the only reason why we made her talk to you to participate, but also because we wanted to be sure you were just as into her as she is into you.”

                “Oh,” he said as he tried to ignore the image of Wooyoung saying ‘I told you so’ popping into his mind. “How can you be sure?”

                “Because she told us,” at Jongho’s shocked eyes Hongjoong laughed loudly before going towards the computer playing the song they have been working on for the past month, as it came to an end, the elder’s eyes found the younger ones at the ground. “Did you write those parts thinking about her?”

                “That obvious?” Jongho sat down on the couch looking into the sheet of paper with the lyrics, missing the way Hongjoong eyed him. “She’s my best friend Hongjoong, I- I can’t fuck this up and lose her, what if -”

                “Can I suggest something?” Jongho’s eyes lifted to meet with Hongjoong’s analytical ones, a simple nod was all he managed to give in response. “Tomorrow you two leave early, you take her back to your place, we’ll talk to Yunho and Mingi and make them find a way to keep her away from the house, you get your roommates out and shoot your shot, but do it properly, she deserves something great after all the time you made her wait.”

                Having only Wooyoung, Yeosang and San up his ass about you was nothing compared into having Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi as well. Unlucky for him, Seonghwa easily got one of his roommates’ numbers, since he already had Yunho and Mingi’s, and it was easy to make a group chat which made Jongho almost killed Wooyoung for the nth time every time he saw the group chat name pop up.

wooyoung @ please get the baby laid okay, so san is taking care of the fort with yeo I’m almost done with the food, who is coming to pick us up?

yunho @ please get the baby laid I will, if hwa and joong do it she’ll suspect

mingi @ please get the baby laid she already suspects something is up bc we said she cant come home

yunho @ please get the baby laid yeah, bc your excuse was shit

hongjoong @ please get the baby laid it was a horrible excuse, but since it was mingi she let it slide

seonghwa @ please get the baby laid also bc jjong distracted her with books and a trip to the cafe

wooyoung @ please get the baby laid so I made dinner for nothing?

san @ please get the baby laid ignore him, we ready, we leaving the food in the oven

yeosang @ please get the baby laid yunho don’t forget to grab the chocolate bouquet on your way over!

yunho @ please get the baby laid I wont, I’m on my way!

                “Are you cheating on me?” Jongho never locked his phone a put it away as fast as in that moment, making you raise your eyebrows and open your mouth slightly. “Who is she? Is she prettier than me?”

                “Of course not, you are the most beautiful person to walk on earth,” that wasn’t a lie in his view, it was also something he would casually drop at you from time to time, you knew that, but still, always surprised you, awakening the butterflies in your stomach you tried to always keep dormant. “I may be an idiot but I’m not that idiot to be cheating on my favorite girl in this world.”

                Ever since yesterday Jongho decided to be bolder, to show more of his true intentions to you, his true feelings, and he was loving every hint of pink and red he could see on your face and ears. It almost made him realize that, maybe, this may work. That the others were right and you both felt the same thing, and God he wish it would be true.

                “You can’t say shit like that Jjong!”

                “Why not? It’s not a lie.”

                Maybe, but you playing with my feelings is a problem, you wanted to scream that at him. Cursing him over and over thanks to all the things he had awoken at the same time in you since the day before once you two left Hwa and Joong’s apartment. You couldn’t lie and pretend you weren’t enjoying the attention, not that you liked the fact that Seonghwa and Hongjoong forgot to tell both of you they had a date with tickets they bought a few weeks prior, or even the fact that Mingi said you couldn’t go home until late at night, you knew he probably would have someone over and wouldn’t want you or Yunho to hear him, so you were more than happy when Jongho said his roommates wouldn’t be home and you could stay there as long as you wanted.

                You just didn’t expect all the flirting he was doing, but you would never complain.

                “People may think something else,” you focused on your drink and the three hard cover books he bought for you, your fingers lingering a little longer on the titles, his eyes focused on you, observing, trying to get any hint you may give him, “besides, I’ve seen some girls looking at you while we were picking up the drinks, one of them looks really pretty and your type.”

                It hurt you to say these, but he was your best friend and nothing more could ever happen, or you may lose him. You didn’t care if Seonghwa, Hongjoong, Yunho and Mingi kept saying you were just running away, taking the easy way out, the cowards way, the thought of possibly losing Jongho was too much of a risk, you preferred to have him as a friend than nothing at all, all because you couldn’t help yourself on falling for your best friend.

                “I don’t want them though,” the form he said it, so nonchalant caught your attention, making you eye him curious, trying to hide the hurt that you felt inside, the idea that he may have someone. You knew he had been with other people before, but he never really introduced you to them. Once you realized that you tried to move on, started dating someone, but there was only one man that made you feel wanted and loved, and that man was sitting in front of you drinking his americano. “I already have someone in mind, it would be mean to get involved with someone if I have another on mind, no?”

                The entering of the knife was quick, but the twist was tortuously slow, the final blow being the smile he gave you. The smile you loved so much that you had only seen directed to you, but now he’s using it to talk about someone else, someone that it wasn’t you.

                “Who is she?”

                “You know her,” he chuckled at your reaction before continuing, “but I don’t think she sees me like that much, although the guys say I’m just over thinking it, that she definitely likes me and -”

                “She’d have to be crazy not to like you, baby bear,” your hand reached his over the table, it didn’t matter if your heart bled, all you ever want is to see Jongho happy, even if it’s not with you. “You are one of the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met, whoever has your heart will be forever loved and I envy that.”

                At his raise of eyebrows, you quickly realized what you had said and tried to pull your hand away, but his fingers wrapped around yours, intertwining your fingers, your eyes quickly went to the girls you saw talking and eyeing Jongho earlier, finding their eyes on your hands before moving away, making a victorious smile play on your lips.

                He was still yours for the time being and that was enough.

                “What got you all smiley?”

                “Nothing,” you said quickly trying to pull your hand away, but his grip was strong but careful around your hand, just like everything he did regarding you, “baby bear, it’s nothing, can I have my hand back?”

                You giggled at the pout he gave you, the puppy eyes staring around you two before resting on you again trying to understand what had happened. Your hands quickly found your drink as so did his. While you couldn’t hold a smile while drinking, he couldn’t help his cute little pout at what you had done.

                “Want me to be your wingman?” He questioned after a while, making you eye him confused as his eyes fell on your hand that was enveloped by the warmth of his hands not long prior, a small guilt filing your insides. “That’s why you dropped my hand, right? So, show me who he is, I’ll be nice, I promise.”

                “It’s not that Jjong,” you said quickly as soon as he stopped, his eyes had a different shine, one that you had seen at the library a few weeks ago when Seonghwa appeared to ask Jongho to sing to Hongjoong’s song, for a second you thought you had made Jongho jealous, and you felt good for a second, until he wanted to leave and you panicked. The control he had over you was surreal and all you wanted was to take his hand on your and kiss it tenderly in front of everyone, “I dropped your hand because…”

                “(y/n) it’s okay, I promise I -”

                “I have someone in mind too,” you said it so quickly your mind couldn’t follow through, putting a hand in front of your mouth before focusing on your drink, “he also has no idea and, I’ve been into him for a while now, I tried to make him see it, but apparently he doesn’t see me as anything other than a friend and that’s okay, and since we are in a public place, if the girl you have eyes on sees us, it may ruin it for you so I-”

                “Wanna go home?”

                “You know I can’t go home.”

                “Weren’t we going to mines?” His smile was soft; the shadow of a moment ago disappeared. Jongho was good at hiding, it didn’t take you long to realize that, so you nodded getting your coffee as his hands took your books putting on the bag with some other things you bought at the book section. “We can talk about it when we arrive, will that be okay?”

                “We don’t have to Jjong.”

                The truth was, you didn’t want to hear him talk about the girl that caught his attention, you wanted to be that girl. Once you finally stood up from the table, his right hand found your left making you gasp in surprise on how hot they were despite the ice americano he was having it. That was one of the things you liked the most about Jongho, how warm he always was, how his warmth would always find you and embrace you, always accompanied by the smell of his cologne. Which was one of the reasons you always loved when fall started, because he would lend you some sweatshirts and jumpers with his smell, even when you didn’t ask, he always had them.

                As he guided both of you back to his apartment, you allowed yourself to feel the warmth of his hand and body next you whenever you could, cursing at every heavy wind that hit your face taking his cologne and warmth from you, making you involuntarily hide behind him, making him chuckle every time, until he stopped turning to face you. His perfect cupid’s bow just a few centimeters from you, as the wind hit again, he pulled you closer, your hands going around his waist under the coat he had opened, your face hiding against his chest, his cologne clouding your thoughts, but little did you know the effect that had on him.

                Seonghwa and Yunho were right when they said you might say you were into someone depending on the situation, and if you did, this guy it would be him. The fact you couldn’t look him in the eye while saying those things, the reaction you had to the girls that flirted with him earlier noticing your intertwined fingers and leaving, how happy you were at that, how right your hand felt in his, the small hurt he saw in your eyes and face at the thought of Jongho liking someone and this person seeing them together. How could he have been so blind for so long? How could you not see how he acted around you?

                “Here,” he said stepping a little away from you, both highly aware of how your hands still lingered on his waist, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move away, if he could, he would kiss you right then and there, “we can’t have you catching a cold and stopping to hide behind me everything a wind blows, so…,” his hands swiftly took the scarf off his neck placing around your own, covering your lips and nose, only your eyes visible to him as he took your hand back making you both get back into walking, “we almost home, so we won’t be cold for long.”

                You wanted to stop him, to make him hug you again, to feel him close again, but all you did was follow his steps as you started to see the outline of his apartment in the distance. Although you knew none of his roommates were gonna be there, you caught yourself craving Wooyoung’s food. Maybe, just maybe, you could stay until they come back and ask him to make you something, that way you could also spend more time to Jongho.

                You have been to his apartment multiple times, but something felt different, probably because you finally realized he might get a girlfriend, that you had lost him for good, because no one in their right mind would let him go, only if they were insane. Which was exactly what you were as you noticed he may never be yours because of how much of a coward you were.

                As the sound of the lock along with the turning of the lights made you raise your head, you stopped dead on your tracks. There was a fort blanket in the living room, you could smell Wooyoung’s food – although you couldn’t see it – and you noticed as Jongho stopped behind you, his breathing on your ear as one of his hands found your hip and the other your arm squeezing both lightly, making you gasp.

                “Surprise,” the chuckle made you wake up and eye him curious, only receiving a small smirk in response as he headed to the kitchen, your steps were cautious, there was no reason for this to be happening, nothing bad had happened. As your feet led you to the living room, you found fairy lights all over the place, the tv on playing an ambient music, “(y/n), come eat!”

                Instantly, Wooyoung’s food filled your lungs and you drooled at the thought of what he had made and why he had made dinner. Were any of the boys in a romantic date before you arrived and didn’t have the time to pull it down? But then why would Jongho tell you it was a surprise? As you finally reached the kitchen, you found a banquet at the island, making you scream a little and jump, making Jongho chuckled before start preparing a plate for the both of you before heading back to the living room. The fort blanket already awaiting the both of you, a small memory from the time you two were children.

                For a moment, both of you just enjoyed the meal Wooyoung had made, reminding you to thank him, which made Jongho said to also thank San and Yeosang for building the fort. You wanted to ask him then and there what that was all about, but something stopped you. Maybe it was the way he was enjoying the meal, the comforting silence between the two of you. How your knees touched on occasion but none of you had a care in the world if that kept happening, ignoring the electric shocks that ran through both your bodies.

                Jongho changed the ambient sound to one of your comfort shows, the coffee table quickly pushed to the side with both plates on top along with two empty bottles of soju. You two were sitting with the backs on the couch, his left arm lazily hugging your shoulders, the tips of his fingers feather like along your arm, sometimes playing with your hair when you rested your head on his shoulder.

                Trying not to think how warm he was, how close he was, how drunk on his cologne you were, how deep in love you were with your best friend. As you moved, Jongho swiftly took your legs putting on top of his, holding them in place as him right hand burned your skin despite the jeans you wore. Ignoring how he pulled you closer, only a little more and you were on his lap, his left arm still enveloping you, caressing your left arm and pulling you closer from time to time as your head on occasion would fall a little more. If you only had the courage, you could easily kiss the crook of his neck, his cologne filling your lungs, it wasn’t like you needed anything more to live if you had him.

                When the second episode finished your head was already heavy, barely noticing as Jongho tried to untangle the two of you, a groan escaping your lips making him laugh before kissing your temple, being careful as he started to make some distance between you two. What he didn’t understand was that the groan was for nothing more than the idea of having him far away. His warm, cologne, the homey feeling you had with him whenever you two were together. You now realized what you were going to miss the moment he asks out the girl he has eyes on, you were going to lose him, even if he was never actually yours.

                You watched as he took the plates on his hands. The third episode had started, but all you could do was stare at the spot Jongho was prior. All you could feel was how your skin burned and body ached to be closer to him again. His flirty demeanor had got to you. All the feelings you fought so greatly every day for the past years to keep low, he brought to the surface.

                “(y/n)?” Your eyes turned to the spot Jongho had left, finding a chocolate bouquet before you could see him coming back to the fort. The smile on your lips made his gummy smile becoming more visible. “I was supposed to give this to you on the way out, but couldn’t wait,” his shy smile had returned as you took the chocolate bouquet in your arms, fingers trying to see all the chocolates that were there before eye him with startled eyes, “too much? Too much, right? Okay, sorry I -”

                “Jjong, what is all of this?”

                “What you mean?”

                You sigh putting the bouquet down.

                You wanted to say it wasn’t too much, not really, but with everything he was doing, it was. He was playing with your feelings, even if he didn’t know about them. The talk from earlier came back to you, maybe he was trying to make you feel better? Maybe, Mingi, Yunho or Hongjoong had said something to him about your crush on him without saying your name and now he wanted to cheer you up?

                A small chuckle left your lips, because that’s definitely something Jongho would do.

                That’s one of the reasons you love him so much.

                Love.

                You were in love with you best friend, all it took was for him to flirt with you openly for a day for you to admit that. You sigh as your eyes returned to the bouquet to focus on him again, a small pout on his lips. He thought you hated it everything he did, which made you hate yourself at that.

                “You said surprise, but nothing happened for us to have a movie fort blanket night and the boys not being here…,” you noticed how his head focused on the way your hand enveloped his own, the warmth not only staying in your hand as his eyes found yours. “Jongho, what’s this? If this is yours and the guys’ way of saying it’s okay for the guy I like not to -”

                “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” His eyes were focused on you, making you suddenly feel self-conscious, trying to shy away but at the same time wanting his attention on you, wanting the way he was looking at you. “I don’t mean on the outside, of course you are beautiful on the outside, but I meant as a whole, you are beautiful, incredible, talented, intelligent, kind, and so much more that I could spend the rest of our lives telling you about it,” you gulped but didn’t move away as Jongho approached you slightly, testing the waters, “I’m sorry it took me too long to notice, I’m sorry for being a coward and take too long to say it, but -”

                He cut himself looking to both your hands. You weren’t responsive; you were a statue watching him declare his love for you, he was questioning himself again, all the signs he had seen earlier vanished from his mind, the courage to finally tell you his feelings evaporated like water in a hot day, he started to sulk in his seat, mad at himself, as he felt your hand touch his cheek, an electric current going through his body full speed as he raised his eyes to meet your halfway.

                “Jjong, please...”

                You couldn’t finish, because you too were a coward.

                You loved him, but did he love you too? Was that his way of confessing that he wanted you just as bad you wanted him? For just as long as you wanted him?

                “I love you, (y/n),” he saw the moment your breathing stopped, how your hand fell from his face, your warmth going away with it, your eyes a mix of feelings that he couldn’t follow, “you are the one I like (y/n), you are the one I love.”

                It was like your brain stopped functioning, your eyes watered and Jongho panicked for a second before holding his hand that was going to wipe your tear away.

                “Please don’t joke about this, not about this, Jjong.”

                “I could never joke about my feelings for you, (y/n), ever.”

                The small smile was all he needed before leaning closer to you, slowly, watching your every reaction, expecting the denial he always thought he’d find if he confessed his love, but instead you met him halfway. A simple and tender touch of lips made both of your bodies combust. Eyes meeting for half a second before he pulls you closer to him again and you obliged to his wants, because kissing him was all you had on your mind since you were thirteen.

                His hands were firmly on your hips pulling you to him as you were quick to put each leg on either side of his left leg, your hands messing up his hair, the kiss was hungry, urgent, just like his hands as he explored your back, ass and thighs. None of you cared about breathing, it was an inconvenient at best, you could live without air, but you couldn’t live without feeling each other’s lips anymore.

                You whined as his lips disconnected from your mouth finding your jaw, teeth sinking into your skin as you pulled Jongho’s hair, the moan reverberating on your skin. Your whole body ignited at that sound, wanting to hear it more, you needed to hear it more. As you let your body weigh down, you felt his thigh under you, God how you imagined this scenario so many times before. Instinctively you started to move your hips slowly against his thigh, making him stop kissing your neck and look up at you.

                One of his hands hugged your thigh, the other firm on your waist as your movements became more preeminent. As your head finally lowered finding his hungry eyes observing your features as you rocked your hips on his thigh, embarrassment quickly flooded you, making you stop and try to move away from him. Instead of letting you, his hand on your thigh found your back and pulled you closer to him.

                You could feel the pool in between your legs, the arousal making you uncomfortable, begging you to continue, but something was holding you back, and you couldn’t stare at Jongho in the eyes. As his arm enveloped your waist, his left hand found your face, fingers lightly on your chin making you meet his eyes.

                The hunger was still there, the lust, but they were tender, careful, the effect of feeling secured in his embrace along with the eyes of admiration and understanding made your whole body burn as he pulled you closer, locking your lips again. It was calm, almost experimental. Your arms were quick on his shoulders as your hands found the nap of his neck, one of them playing with his hair as the kissed deepened.

                It was only when you felt his hands on your hips guide you across his thigh and the friction you felt making you moan in between the kiss, that you forced the break eyeing him curious. The smirk was present, but it wasn’t cocky, it was wholesome.

                “Am I dreaming?”

                He chuckled as he pulled you closer to him by your hips, moving them so gently on top of his thigh as he flexed them, thanks to the clothes the movement wasn’t very perceptive, also because you buckled your hips up as you felt his muscle against your clothed core, making him chuckle a little more.

                “So, you’ve dreamed about me?”

                “Jjong, please…,” his hands again moved your hips against his thigh making you bite your lip but not break eye contact this time. “I may have had a few dreams about you yes.”

                “Did I made you feel good on them?” You nodded as his hands pulled your hips down, flexing his thigh as you were now in control of your own hips. “I’ve had them too, you know?” Your half-lidded eyes causing his pants to be an even bigger bothersome as a small moan left your mouth. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

                “Jjong?”

                “Yeah?”

                “Shut up and make me feel good, yeah?”

                “Anything for you, my love.”

                With that his mouth lashed back into yours as he guided your hips across his thighs. As you couldn’t help but keep your mouth open from the stimulation, his mouth found your neck, going all the way down to your chest, open mouth kisses being left on the open cleavage, eyes on you at every single movement he made.

                You were so busy riding his thigh that you barely realized his hands were no longer on your hips as one of them went under your shirt, the tips of his fingers tingling against your burning skin as his other hand had a grip on your thigh. The build up on your lower stomach making it harder for you to concentrate as his hands grabbed those both parts of your body, you were sure your waist would have the imprint of his hands.

                “Oh God, please-fuck,” your breathing was hollow, your legs ached but you couldn’t stop, it was too close to grasp, your fingers digging onto Jongho’s shoulder as you felt his lips on your neck again, his hand on your thigh pulling it more apart making your whole body weigh rest on his thigh as he flexed it once again, making a cried moan leave your lips, “fuck, Jjong, so good.”

                “Let it go sweetheart, I’m here, this is just the first of the night,” you shot your eyes open finding the smirk present and he quickly gave you a peck on the lips, hands back on your hips as he kept making you move them, “use me for now, I wanna see you come undone on my thigh, please.”

                It was the ‘please’ that made you lose it.

                Your whole body trembled as you pulled Jongho’s face close to you as his hands gently moved your hips running you out of your high as your swollen lips let go of his own. He was glowing under you, his eyes were shining like a stary night and all you wanted was for this to never end, if it were a dream so you would never wake up.

                As his hands came back into roaming your body, you came to your senses.

                You had just cum by riding his thigh.

                He saw the small panic look in your eyes and pulled you closer to him, kissing your lips as he lifted you up, his right leg quickly joining the left under you as you straddled him properly. Once again pulling you down on him, making you feel his bulge under you, making you both moan before making eye contact.

                “This is real.”

                “As real as it can be sweetheart,” he pulled you closer again kissing you tenderly as you rocked your hips against the outline of his cock, a moan escaping both your mouths as you allowed your weight down on his lap. “Are you sure you wanna keep going?”

                “Do you?”

                “I asked you first,” his small smile was back as you backed away from him, although you never stopped moving your hips, feeling him getting harder and harder under you, closing his eyes trying to control his breathing making you smile. “Sweetheart, I love you, but I can’t keep going unless you tell me you want me to.”

                “I thought I said I wanted you to make me feel good, baby bear.”

                You smile as your hands went to the back of his head playing with his hair pulling slightly making him groan, your smile widening at that as his hands gripped your ass squeezing it harshly making you moan.

                “Guess I shall make your dreams come true then.”

                “Please do.”

                He smiled as in a swift move he turned you both and put you on the couch, your hips on the edge with him between your legs. Although you said it was okay, his eyes still lingered on your face as he unbuttoned your jeans sliding them away from your body before tossing them somewhere in the fort. Your thighs shut as his hands went to your knees, gently putting force to see if you were having second thoughts.

                Why was he so thoughtful and careful?

                You decided that after this, was your time to make him feel good, but right now you wanted his head between your thighs. At that you spread your legs, a mix of embarrassment and confident took hold of your body as you watched him take in your soaked panties. His eyes finding yours once again and you nodded, feeling the tingle in the base of your stomach coming back.

                His fingers taking the last piece of fabric between you and his mouth, ever so gently, still watching every single one of your reactions. The truth was, neither of you could believe this was happening, it all felt like a dream, but it was real. It was real and Jongho would do his best for this to be the best night of your life.

                As your panties finally met the ground, his eyes focused on your dripping cunt as you held the urge to close your legs, but he noticed the twitch, his focused was on you as he slowly and gently held your legs open, his lips kissing all the way to your left knee to your mid-thigh, before closing in on your hip, looking at you one last time, finding pure lust in your eyes, making him smile as his lips finally met your throbbing clit.

                The gasp came in sync with the jolt of your hips, but Jongho was faster holding them down with a smirk that made you roll your eyes. He was having fun with all your reactions; you couldn’t pretend you weren’t enjoying it as well seeing the smudge grin on his face. Before you could say anything, his lips found your clit again, but this time, kitty licks were added to it, making you squirm a little as he held your hips down.

                He licked a long stripe at your dripping cunt before starting to suck on your clit, making your back arch as you moaned loudly, your right hand quickly finding his hair pulling it harshly as you were still a little dazed from your previous orgasm. Your hips quickly moving trying to build more friction as Jongho lifted your left leg over the couch, holding you open with his right side as his left hand left your hips, one finger quickly prying at your entrance as he sucked in on your clit. 

                Once his face left your cunt, two fingers quickly entered you, as he curled them inside, a small kiss was left on your clit making you jolt and whine before forcing his face back into your throbbing bud of nerve as his fingers nimbly worked you up to your second orgasm of the night. You left hand finding your breast and squeezing it just enough to help you build the pressure.

                “Fuck Jjong, keep going like this, fuck!”

                “You like my fingers or my mouth better?”

                As you didn’t answer he slowed down his movements making you groan.

                “Both, fuck, please! I can’t choose, Jjong, please, I like both!”

                “Good girl, so, cum on them, please sweetheart.”         

                Your hand pulled more of his hair making the groan reverberate through your body from your clit. God how he knew how to use his mouth and fingers! As you felt your second orgasm coming your legs started to shake and Jongho picked up the pace, his fingers curling inside of you are he went back to suck on your clit.

                You cursed before a screamed moan leave your lips, legs trembling as your whole body felt heavy, limbs falling into the couch as he helped you out of your high. Closing your legs gently before getting up and to get you some water and a wet cloth. As he did that, your eyes found the tent in his pants, holding his wrist, his attention quickly falling back on you.

                “Where you going?”

                “Getting you some water and something to clean you up.”

                “Are we already done?”

                He smiled at your question. You were clearly fucked out, and yet you forced your legs out of the couch, eyes focused on him.

                “Use your words sweetheart, what do you want?”

                He squatted in front of you, his lips and nose glistering with your juice, and God you wanted to feel them again, and so you leaned in catching him by surprise at first before he cages you against the couch, your legs opening again as stood there in between them, kissing you like his life depended on it, while his hands held you like you were glass. A small peck was left on his lips as one of your hands held his face, the thumb lingering on his perfectly swollen cupid’s bow lips, a smile forming in yours.

                “I don’t want this to end, please Jjong, please I need you, I need all of you.”

                “Fuck-” he murmured under his breath as he looked down at your cunt, at the mess you had made on the couch, the mess he helped create. His eyes lingered on the tent in his pants, how his hard leaking cock was already painfully present and all he could think about was you and how you’d feel around his cock. “I’m not fucking you on the couch.”

                “Then take me to your room,” you caged him with your legs on his waist and arms on his neck, his laugh brought a light smile to your lips, God you loved that man, you loved every little piece of him, and you wanted him so badly right now. “Stop being such a gentleman, I know you want this as much as I do.”

                “One of us need to keep our minds clear.”

                “C’mon baby bear, please!” You whined with a pout making him smile as his eyes focused on your face, his hands lazily on your thigh and waist, you knew you had him. “I’ll be good, promise.”

                “I just still think I’m dreaming?, I guess?”

                “You are not,” you laughed kissing him gently on the lips, feeling him wrapping his arm around your waist as grip your thigh tighter, “you know how I know this isn’t a dream?”

                “How, oh my oh mighty?”

                You hit his shoulder making you both laugh before play with his hair, pulling it out of his face, a small smile plastered on both your lips.

                “Because this is so much better than any other dream I had of us.”

                At the raising of his eyebrows, you giggled pulling him in for another kiss.

                “So, we never actually had sex on any of your dreams?”

                “That’s classified information, only to be revealed after the act.”

                You laughed loudly as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head, but gasping at the sudden yank he gave to your body, making both arms and legs hold him tighter, one hand firmly on your thigh as his other arm, held you by the waist making you giggle as you both left the fort heading towards his room. Your lips finding his neck kissing every single space you could, feeling his fingers sink more into your skin.

                As he let you on to the bed you finally let go of him, his hands quick to take off your shirt as yours worked swiftly to remove his own shirt and pants, and soon, the only piece of clothing either of you had was the boxers he was wearing. Precum staining the fabric already stretch out because of how hard Jongho was. Your eyes fixed on his boxers, he was thick, a little longer than usual, but thick.

                You barely noticed his fingers finding your jaw until the moment he lifted your head to face him, a smirk plastered on his lips as he noticed your eyes lingering on his body. You had seen him without a shirt before, you know he is built, he just preferred to hide his muscles and you didn’t mind that one bit. If not showing his physic he already had a line of women and men after him, if they could see him like this, it would multiply by the hundred.

                No, this was all for you.

                He was yours.

                He loved you.

                Just like you loved him.

                Your eyes fall to his boxers again with a questioning look, making him chuckle before taking those out. If you thought your mouth was watering, now it had truly become a waterfall. He was a little longer than average, but he was so thick. You reached your hand to touch him, but his hand quickly stopped you.

                “C’mon Jjong, let me help.”

                A simple nod and you started to work on him, the precum quickly being used as part of lubricant as your lips found the red leaking head, a small kiss left there, just like he had done with your clit on the couch not long ago. Your knees quickly finding the ground as you were quick to lick his shaft, the moans that left his mouth only igniting the fire inside you.

                Your mouth and hand worked skillfully on him, his hand tangled to your hair helping guide the pace, every so often you’d look up only to meet him with his eyes closed and mouth open, small moans leaving his lips as you worked him up. A smirk always present as you noticed the reaction of your body to your hands and mouth on his cock.

                “(y/n),” he was breathless and although you raised your head towards him, your hands didn’t stop moving, “fuck, your mouth is so perfect, you are perfect.”

                You took him into your mouth once again. You knew he was close. He started to thrust into you, controlling more of your head movements, he wasn’t gonna last long. You felt him empty himself on your throat the same moment the most beautiful moan you ever hear came out of his lips, you took it all in, swallowing quickly as he pulled you in for another kiss.

                Your legs were still trembling from earlier, but it didn’t matter as held your body close to him.

                His taste on your mouth, your taste on his.

                “Jjong, please.”

                You whined against his lips as he nodded guiding you to the bed. The mattress sinking under you as you laid on your back, your legs open so he could fit in between them, his cock already getting hard again as he pumped himself up.

                “You sure about this?” You nodded as he reached for the drawer, already knowing he was looking for a condom, the change in expression was all you needed to know. He didn’t have one. “Fuck, (y/n) I-”

                “I trust you.”

                You pulled his face to you, kissing him gently before locking your legs around him.

                “Are you sure?” You just nodded before he kissed you again. “I’ll pull it out.”

                In all honesty all you wanted was him inside of you, to feel him fully, nothing else mattered.

                You felt his tip at your entrance, his eyes went to you once again, doubt filling them up.

                “Jongho, I’m not a virgin, I’ve had sex before.”

                Despite the words, your tone was serene. You knew him well enough to know he was scared to hurt you, the thing was, you knew he never would.

                “But this is your first time with me, and I intend to make it the most pleasurable to you, I don’t care about anything else but that.”

                His lips found yours once again. As his tongue slipped into your mouth you felt him stretching you out, a moan leaving your lips as he moved to kiss your neck. Slowly, every inch of you was touched by Jongho. You had never felt fuller in your life. As you opened your eyes, his were careful watching your reactions.

                “You can move,” you bit your bottom lip as his hips started to move back and forth, you could feel every inch of him. Slowly he picked up the pace, thrusting into you, hitting your cervix every time he thrusted in too deeply, but you couldn’t care less, especially not when his fingers found your clit, circle movement making you moan in pleasure as his thrusts gotten sloppier. “Fuck, Jjong, ye-yes! Please, right fucking there, oh fuc-fuck-fuck!”

                “You are so tight, so perfect for me, taking me so well sweetheart,” his lips found your again and both hands held your waist again holding you in place, “fuck I won’t last long.”

                “Me neither, fuck!”

                You bit down his shoulder, your nails digging into his back, the scratch marks were probably gonna be visible for quite some time. Jongho hid his face on your neck biting down as his thrusts got deeper, erratic, neither of you would last long. His thrusts quickly slowed down, but before you could complain, his hand was back into your clit, circle quick movements as his thrusts kept being sloppier. He wanted you to come first.

                At that you held your breasts, pinching your nipples as you allowed yourself to feel everything he was giving you. As you clenched even more around him, both cussed and moan loudly. The third wave finally hit you as one of your hands squeezed your boob, while the other found his forearm that was moving your clit, hold it to a stop.

                With a small nod he pulled out, hand already pumping himself as he watched you underneath him, like he had always wanted you to be, like he had always dreamed. White stripes of hot cum soon were splattered around your torso, one hitting high enough to reach your chin, making the two of you laugh as Jongho collapsed on your side.

                “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”

                Before you could say anything, he got up heading to the bathroom. You could hear water running before steps could be heard. His hands worked quickly and carefully to clean you up, taking extra care with the overstimulated areas. You took your time to observe him.

                You were definitely lucky to have him.

                The giggle that escaped your lips making his eyes snap at you, a tint of red appearing on his ears as he put the towel away, ignoring your giggles as he went to grab you two a bottle of water returning to the room, finding you in the same position, a small smile plastered on your lips. All you did was point to the side of the bed with your head and he smiled pulling the covers, as he knew you two would soon feel cold.

                His back to the mattress as your leg went over his. His arm stretched out as your head laid on his shoulder, the tips of his fingers caressing your bare skin light enough to tickle at points. Your arm going towards his neck, a small caress on his cheek before he faced you. A silent conversation. Realization of what had happened. The dream was real. You two liked each other. Loved each other.

                “I love you, baby bear.”

                “I love you, sweetheart,” he kissed your forehead pulling you in closer, making you giggle. “You are everything I could ever need or want, thank you for choosing me.”

                “I’ll always choose you, Jjong.”

                A small simple kiss, but full of meaning was the last exchange that happened between you two before you two fell asleep.

                As the sun entered the room, you groaned stretching your sore muscles, realizing an arm was around your waist, you were naked and not in your room. Your head quickly snapped remembering what had happened the night before, finding a sleepy Jongho hugging you like his life depended on it. A small smile took form on your lips as everything came back to you, making you realize it really wasn’t a dream.

                “I’d stop moving if I was you,” he’s hoarse morning voice made an electric current flow throughout your body and reach your core, you knew your body was sabotaging you, making you hyper aware of the growing hard on Jongho had up your ass, how his hand was so close to your breasts, “you know, morning wood is not fun…”

                You laughed, receiving a groan from Jongho as he pulled you even closer to him, hiding his nose on the nape of your neck. The small tap on his arm around your waist was enough for him to loosen up his grip, but before he could complain you were facing him, hyper aware of his hard cock pressing your lower belly. His questioning eyes at your smirk was everything it took for him to shut up.

                “Luckly, you have someone to help you with that…”

                Your hand swiftly moved in between your bodies finding Jongho’s hard cock, playing with the tip, observing his face change expressions as you worked on his morning wood.

                “You don’t have to-”

                “I know, but I want to.”

                Your body moved up and away just enough so his cock was at your entrance, your hand holding it still as your leg went above his hips, allowing you to grind on his cock, wetting it on your own dripping cunt. Both moaning lowly as his hand fell on your hip, your hand quickly putting the tip of his cock at your entrance.

                “Fuck- have I told you, you are perfect already?”

                “I could use the reassurance.”

                You giggled as you felt him enter you, he almost stopped at your expression. You were still sore from last night and he was thicker than normal, but you held him in place, nodding as he kept pulling inch by inch inside of you, until you were full, staying like for a while, just until you felt adjusted to his size, feeling him twitch inside you from time to time, clenching around him whenever that happened making you both laugh at that.

                “Jjong?” He hummed, eyes picking up on you as you called his name. “Can you please, move?”

                “Will you be okay?”

                “Mhm, promise, just move, please.”

                As his length moved slowly in and out of you, the moans that escaped your mouths at every breath, yours considerably louder than his, as he also took the time to kiss along your neck as your hands messed up his hair even more.

                This time it wasn’t rushed, not that last night had been, but this time it was different, more intimate. You could feel your orgasm arriving, you knew he was close as to how he grabbed your hips at every thrust.

                You two were so into the moment, that you barely noticed how three voices entered the apartment, how they were quick to move things around, or how steps started to grow closer to the rooms.

                “GOD FORSAKEN FU- SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR NEXT TIME!”

                You both stopped at the exact moment Wooyoung’s screams reverberated through the walls of the apartment. Jongho quick to cover you up the best he could before eyeing the door, he could see shadows on the wall, he knew the guys were waiting for him to tell that it was okay to pass to their rooms.

                Although he panicked, you couldn’t help but laugh, making him laugh as well before giving you a small kiss before slipping out of you, making you whine at the loss of not only his warmth temperature, but also the emptiness you felt inside. Jongho quickly picked up a random sweatpant and headed towards the door, looking at you for a second before smiling and shutting the door behind him, only to find all three of his roommates with shit eating grins on their faces, despite what had just happened.

                Before any of them could say anything, Jongho lifted his finger with a death stare, more specifically directed to Wooyoung who had the cockiest smile the youngest had ever seen. With an annoyed sigh Jongho pointed to his room with his head before opening his mouth, words most directly to Wooyoung than any of the other two.

                “Shut it! I don’t wanna hear it!” Wooyoung was the first to try to say something after Jongho’s words, but San quickly eyed him as Yeosang pushed him further on the hallway putting a hand in front of wooyoung’s mouth, leaving both Choi’s behind. The youngest however looked at San with a soft smile as both eyed the door to Jongho’s room before speaking again. “You were right, I was an idiot, okay? Just give us a few minutes.”

                “You know Wooyoung won’t let you live it out of it, right?”

                Both laughed at San’s words knowing it to be true.

                “He can say whatever he wants man, I honestly only care about her, if she doesn’t mind his antics, I couldn’t care less.”

                “I’m happy for you, Jjong.”

                San said with a small smile, a hand rested on Jongho’s shoulder as he passed the youngest heading to his own bedroom. With a sigh, he opened the door to his room finding you looking at the door with a small smile before tapping on the bed, making him laugh and take a few steps before you stop him pointing to his sweats before you speak again.

                “No clothes allowed in, c’mon, take those off.”

                “You are a menace, you know that?” His sweats were soon on the floor as he joined you in bed, holding you close in his arms. “I think they can control Wooyoung for like thirty minutes.”

                “So, we better make the best of those thirty minutes.”

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[rattlyglitch]

Hold Those You Cherish Close

@starlitsky3600 the fic is out and I hope you love it

Lilia was the last person to pass by the coffin Malleus laid in. It saddened his heart to see the child he raised soon to be buried. Even though the whole school had come together for the funeral Lilia couldn't help but feel lonely. He couldn't bear the sight of Malleus lying so calmly in the coffin.

Lilia had tried to be strong for Sebek and Silver. He had tried to keep back his tears. But seeing Malleus' every still face never to smile, laugh, or have emotion through the looks he gave others Lilia couldn't keep himself together. Tears came rushing down Lilia's cheeks. Lilia stood there for a few moments crying before he placed a loving kiss on Malleus' forehead.

"I will miss you. always my son. I love you." Lilia backed away and turned to go back to Silver and Sebek. He saw all the surprised looks of the students as he walked back and gasped from others. Lilia turned confused and saw Malleus who had just sat up inside the coffin. He turned towards the others and his eyes caught Lilia's. Lilia ran like nothing else mattered and embraced Malleus in a hug sobbing. Malleus was confused but returned Lilia's hug softly. Then he spoke to Lilia. "I love you father.”

//////////////

There had to be something that led up to the most painful and relieved moment of Lilia’s life though. Something that had caused the near destruction of the first person he raised and considered his eldest son. The beginning was Lilia’s going away party.

He, like anyone else, would have never expected for Malleus to overblot. Lilia knew it was failing on himself to think that Malleus would be fine with Lilia’s unexpected leaving. That his own adopted son and even the half-fae Sebek would be fine with his sudden departure. He knew those he befriended at Night Raven college would be upset but not his own children.

They were strong and good natured. They could survive anything thrown at them without a blink of any fear. Lilia felt he should have figured that they were that strong because he was with them. He was a beacon for them that gave hope and safety in their darkest times and through their hardest hurts.

Falling into sleep Lilia realized he had failed to see how his leavings outcome would affect those greatly that he loved. That he had hurt the children he cared for because of his own naivety. Dreaming was strange for Lilia. He dreamt of his general days before Malleus existed. Before Malenor died but was caring for her egg like it was the most beloved thing in the world to her.

Lilia may have seemed to others that he acts like a military dog because he is willing to follow any order given by Malenor and the queen but it was truly out of care and not duty. That’s why he was out in the woods. The woods where he met Yuu, Silver, Sebek, and Grim. In his dream Lilia didn’t recognize them. He had all the same feelings as during the war and saw them as enemies.

Slowly he warmed up to them and then was broken out of his dream. Lilia realized what had happened and all the four had seen as they went through his dreams. Lilia wasn’t even sure how to express how sorry he was. He wasn’t even able to talk before Silver and Sebek explained the situation to him. “We think you’re our best chance at getting through to Malleus, Father. He’ll listen to you.”

Lilia felt determined when Silver gave Lilia his mission. He would be meeting Malleus through dreams after Idia made him inhale something that would cause Malleus to fall into a sleep-like state for a few moments. The plan was successful and Lilia found himself hours later in Malleus’ dreams.

Malleus was dreaming about a life with Lilia. A life where Lilia lived in the cottage he had raised Silver in with Malleus. Malleus was a child and in the dream called Lilia father. They were berry picking in the dream searching for blueberries and raspberries.

Dream Lilia and Malleus were having a moment so beautiful Lilia wished it had been a reality that he and Malleus could have lived in. Lilia walked over to child Malleus who was left alone after the dream Lilia went off somewhere. “Father you’re back? You returned quickly from getting the juice.” Lilia gave a nod.

He wished he had juice in the dream and surprisingly it soon appeared in his hands. He handed a glass to Malleus before he sat next to him. “Malleus I’ve had such an amazing day with you today. I feel like you should know that.” Malleus had a look of surprise on his face at first but next grinned happily.

“I am glad that you did father. I enjoyed today too.” It was quiet for some time between the two as they enjoyed looking at the flowers sway in the grass. “But you must wake up Malleus. You can not force everyone to live in a dream you created.” Young Malleus looked up at Lilia confused. ‘What do you mean father?” Lilia gave Malleus a sad smile. “This isn’t right Malleus. I love you more than life itself. But I love Sebek and Silver the same. The three of you are the closest things I hold to my heart. You know that right?” Malleus gave a nod. “Of course I know you love us. You-”

“Then please let your heart accept that Malleus. Let your heart know that's true. Don’t deny it to keep yourself from getting hurt. I know you're already hurt. I know you're in pain. But you don’t have to face it alone.” Malleus was quiet for some time. Slowly though sobs started to come from him and Lilia looked over to see Malleus as he was. Grown but still suffering the hurts of his childhood. “It’s not fair. You’ll leave me. Everyone will leave me. I will be all alone.”

Lilia reached out slowly and placed his hand on Malleus's shoulder gently before rubbing it. “I know it’s not fair Malleus and that it hurts to see someone go.” Lilia slowly moved to kneel in front of Malleus and cupped his face in his own hands. Malleus looked up at Lilia, tears running down his cheeks. Lilia simply wiped them away gently and offered Malleus a soft smile.

“Sometimes people have to leave us though. They can’t always stay with us but we will have the memories of them. We’ll have more memories to make along the way. We’ll meet new people, make new friends and though the pain of the others who left us will always remain, we'll be able to live through it because we know those memories of them will always be cherished. No matter how far from us they are. And they will always be loved by us.”

//////////////

Those were the words that broke Malleus out of his overblot. Those were the words that awoke everyone. Those were the words that saved so many including Malleus. Even though Lilia almost believed those words would be applied to him after he believed Malleus dead. Those words helped Malleus survive to see another day and look forward to the future and love and cherish those close to him forever. No matter how far apart they may be.

[lovefoolholland]

Louis’ Brother - Matty Healy x Reader

Summary: a halloween party leads you to meet Louis’ older brother, who seems just like the love of your life.

Warnings: Slight mentions of smut, nothing too fancy.

A/N: listen to Cate’s Brother by Maisie Peters!!!

English is not my first language !

You knew that Louis’ older brother was a singer. You’ve met his parents, and they both were celebrities. Hell, you’d even helped Louis make some audition tapes during your late college years.

But you were surprised when you met his brother, formally.

You were standing in the middle of the kitchen of a party you had thrown on Halloween, while Louis told you about his weekend, as well as Cate’s (Louis’ girlfriend), until noticing the way your mind drifted away, so he decided to change the topic.

“Y/N, have you met my brother?”

Your head pivoted in surprise from where you were holding it in your hand, and you looked at Louis wide-eyed.

“No I haven’t.”

Louis opened his mouth, but by the corner of your eye, you saw someone coming over. A curly haired man, quite plainly, with a face really similar to Louis’, but slightly tougher. He was slightly taller than Louis, and his face was a sheer reflection of something fun and witty. He was attractive.

You gulped.

Why did you find him attractive, of all people?

“Hello,” he said, stepping up to the countertop of the kitchen where Cate, Louis and you were standing. He greeted Cate (he knew Cate?), and then his brother, only for his eyes to land on you at last “Y/N, you’re a full grown woman by now, not the toddler that ran around naked in our backyard.”

Fuck.

“Healy,” you said, smirking back at him “you’re not the kid that bit on crayons while Louis drew at my house, right?”

Matty chuckles, and you see the way his eyes slightly close when he laughs. It’s cute, sweet even…

Shut up.

No more daydreaming about Louis’ brother.

“What have you been up to since we last saw each other?” Matty asked, taking a pint out of the bucket next to you. His curls moved almost in slow-motion “Christmas, right?”

Right. He’d been all night talking to his dad and you’d been drinking to death with Louis. Neither of you had directed a word to each other that night, yet he remembered.

Oh, this little crush was gonna last for a while.

“Yes,” you said “Christmas. I was really drunk. I’m probably going to be drunk tonight too.”

Matty laughed, and his eyes lingered to your lips when you took a sip of your drink.

“And well, uh, answering your question,” you hoped the damn lights covered your blush “I have just been working. Living with Louis, we’re flatmates.”

“Yes, he told me.”

Oh, and he had listened.

“Ah, okay,” you said “what have you been up to?”

“Working” he said back with a smirk.

You raised an eyebrow.

“Playing gigs I expect.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Of course. Is your band as big as Denisse paints it? I know she’s fond of you guys, not very objective…”

“We are big, have you not listened to us?”

“Should I have?”

Of course you had.

“Yes, probably, come on, not even to Somebody Else?”

You broke in laughter, and Matty took a deep breath in, looking at you with a playful smile.

“I got you there.”

“Sure thing love” he answered nonchalantly, looking you up and down as he took a sip of his pint.

Love? Oh, we’re fucked.

The next time you see Matty, it’s a double date… Well, not exactly.

Louis, Cate and you went to the movies together, pretty often, and it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. They both were your best friends over their romantic relationship, so the three of you always had a great time.

This time it was much different, it wasn’t supposed to, but Louis told you over a text that Matty decided to join y’all because he was in town and didn’t have much to do.

He was still in town a week after Halloween, really? Why? Why couldn’t he leave you and that little crush you’d developed on him alone?

So you found yourself standing at the entrance of the movies, tapping your foot exasperated while waiting for Louis and Cate. Not Matty. No, you had put on makeup because you felt like it, not for Matty.

Not at all.

He showed up first (of course).

“Y/N,” Matty greeted, looking you up and down “looking good.”

Fuck.

You blush and you cough, trying to hide it, but his smartass smirk tells you the opposite.

“Yeah, you too I guess.”

He does, and it’s irritating because he’s always wearing those suits… That make him look terribly handsome. At the Halloween party it was a black suit and white shirt, black tie, and now it was a black suit too, but no tie and a navy blue shirt on.

He looked hellishly handsome, and it made you want to vomit.

“You guess?” you huff as Matty asks this, looking rather disappointed on your answer “I look good, I know I do.”

“Alright mister Congeniality.”

He narrows his eyes at you as you bite back your laugh, and you thank God that Louis and Cate arrive at that certain time.

Cate goes to buy the tickets while Louis and Matty chat about stuff, making updates on their lives, you guess. You take yourself to the snacks to buy some popcorn and some candy, and as soon as you get back, Matty practically bolts to you to dip a hand on the popcorn.

“Oi, that’s mine” you protest, and he snickers.

“Ours.”

The way he says that… Ugh!

You roll your eyes and let him have a handful of popcorn before entering the room of your movie, and you groan as you notice it’s a scary movie.

“Cate! Why a scary one?”

Cate frowns and Matty laughs, obviously about to tease you.

“A tad scared, are we?”

“None of your business.”

“We’ll see.”

Of course, Louis and Cate have to sit together because they’re a freaking couple, but it still makes you grumpy as you sit down and the trailers begin.

“You’re always this mad?” Matty asks in a whisper as he leans against you to take another handful of popcorn.

You do not take a sniff at him (he smells like cigars and soap, but that’s because he’s too close).

You do not take a look at his slicked back curls, which are contradictorily falling against his forehead, making him look even more gorgeous.

Hell, you can’t think these things about Louis’ brother.

“Nope,” you answer, slapping his hand away from the popcorn and taking some for yourself “it’s you.”

“I feel flattered.”

“Don’t, every coincidental idiot makes me feel like that.”

“And how many coincidental idiots have you met?”

“A handful, but you keep sticking around.”

“And expect me to, because I have next weekend free too” Matty winks at you before focusing on the start of the movie.

You shift on your seat and pull the popcorn in between the two of you, so he at least is a couple of centimetres away from you and he doesn’t have to lean in (so you don’t accidentally smell and look at him, of course).

The movie starts, and your leg at first bops up and down, until the first jumpscare. You frown as you see Cate hugging Louis' arm, trying not to think about it and instead tightly closing your hands so you don’t do the same with Matty. That would be a really big and dumb move.

“Hey,” his whisper in your ear makes you jump, and you turn to him and hit him in the arm anything but gently “auch.”

“Don’t whisper in my ear in the middle of a scary movie” you whisper back to his face.

“Sorry, I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Well…?”

Matty takes a deep breath before asking, and he leans into you again. This time you don’t stop him, it’s because of the question, right? No other reason, why would he have any other reason?

“Do you like Louis?”

That startles you.

“Huh?” your eyebrows knit together in confusion before scoffing “No, he’s my best friend, quite literally like a brother.”

Matty’s eyes linger to Cate, and then to you. Oh, he’s seen you frown, he surely thinks…

Wait, he saw you frown, which means he was seeing you while your eyes were glued to the screen.

Oh.

You shake your head.

“I like Cate.”

“I’m sure you do” you roll your eyes.

“C’mon Matty…”

He raises both eyebrows at the informality.

“This is the first time you call me by my name.”

Fuck.

“Shut up and watch the movie.”

“Alright…”

As your eyes turn to the screen again, another jumpscare surprises you, and this time your hands go to Matty’s arm almost instinctively. You stop touching him in a second, almost as if his skin burns you, but it’s too late, he’s already smirking all proud and… And smugly, you guess.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t need to.”

Matty chuckles before he reaches for your hands, putting them in his arm once again.

“It doesn’t bother me.”

Oh… We’re so very fucked.

Louis made a party, a small gathering really, next Friday. You exchanged numbers with Matty, and in hopes of not hearing from him at all really, you were a bit surprised to see him text you every now and then to tease you in some type of way.

So it wasn’t any shock when he texted you asking if you were going to the party. You said yes, an obvious yes since you practically live together, you had to be there whether you wanted to or not.

It was Cate, Louis, some mutual friends you two had, and Matty and… George, Matty’s best mate. He brought his girlfriend Charli along, and soon enough, the party turned into a rave.

You were doing some shots with Louis when Charli joined you, so you had to restart out of politeness, of course. It’s safe to say the three of you were hammered to no end when your friends started diving onto the pool.

Matty watched everything from one chair outside the pool, chuckling along George. You went over the two of them with Charli by your hand.

“He likes you” she said as the two of you made your way to your- Matty and his boyfriend. No, not Matty’s boyfriend, Matty and Charli’s boyfriend, George.

You needed to sober up.

“Who?” you ask “George? Yeah. He also bit crayons when I met him.”

Which is a complete lie, but you were drunk and wanted to cause some chaos.

“George ate crayons?” Charli erupts in laughter “I was talking about Matty!”

You look confused.

“Yes, Matty also bit on crayons.”

“No– Girl, focus!” the two of you finally make it to the boys, and Charli throws herself on George’s arm. He takes his girlfriend by the arms, smiles at you, and runs inside the house to get her some water.

You also want to throw yourself to Matty, but instead, you throw yourself on the chair next to him.

He likes you.

You huff.

“You’re not drunk?”

“Do I seem drunk?”

“You seem irritated.”

“That’s because you’re drunk, love.”

“No shot Sherlock,” you sit on the chair and turn to look at him, “you’re wearing the navy blue shirt again.”

Matty raises both eyebrows in surprise as he looks down.

“I am.”

“You look pretty in blue,” before you can think it through, you said it, and you’re blushing and widening your eyes in panic “I- I mean, you don’t look bad, but to be fair you don’t look bad in anything– You-You know? You’re average. Good looking but average. Everything looks good on you, I mean you…”

Matty laughs out loud and throws his head back in fun. You’re so embarrassed you look down to the pool with a frown.

“I get it” he finally says.

You turn to look at him.

“I think you have to.”

He laughs again and grabs a beer from the table in between the two of you.

“I do,” Matty says with a crooked smile “would it help if I said you look pretty in blue too?”

Oh yes, you were wearing a light blue dress, one of the few dresses you used when you had gatherings with your closests friends, so it was pretty tight and it looked good on you.

You blush.

“A bit.”

He chuckles again and takes the beer by the side.

“Look at this love.”

“You’re not going to…”

And of course he shotguns.

You laugh as he does this, excellently so. Not a single drop of alcohol falls from his mouth, and your mind wonders whether he’d look good with some juices in his chin and his stubble…

Shut up.

You gulp and he finishes the gun, throwing it to the side.

“Fancy laying with me while the drinks lay off?” you ask with a smile as you lean back on the chair.

“Comment on my shotgun, I’m sure you have a brilliant thing to say about it.”

You bite on your tongue before speaking.

“It just adds to the Congeniality aspect, you know?”

Matty euros in laughs once again and you can’t help but think about how good his voice sounds all raspy and hoarse.

A few hours go by. You don’t feel drunk anymore, the people leave except for Matty and Cate. Louis says his goodbyes to the two of you as he leaves with Cate to his room, and you pick up your legs on the chair so they stay against your chest.

“Matty?”

“Yeah love?”

Again love?!

“I’m feeling rather tired.”

Matty’s head full of curls pops from the chair lounge, and he sits up.

“Do you want me to help you get to your bed?”

You sigh and shake your head, sitting up.

“I’m not drunk anymore.”

“Prove it.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“You’re goddamn irritating, that’s how I prove it.”

“Fair enough, you returned to your mad self.”

But instead of getting up on your own, you take Matty’s hand, due to the fact that he’s offering it to you. Not because you want to touch him, nope.

You get to the kitchen and you realise the speakers are still on, playing Nirvana. You chuckle and sing along in a hum as you pour yourself a glass of water.

“Want anything?”

“Water. Without venom if you can.”

You roll your eyes and pass him your glass, filling another one for you.

“What time is it?”

He looks at his watch.

“Almost three.”

“Oh fuck,” you curse under your breath, chug down the glass and turn to the speakers to turn them off “it’s really late and one’s gotta work, you know? Not all of us are popular singers in a band.”

Matty laughs behind you, and you can sense his presence getting closer.

“I can’t imagine.”

“I’m sure you can’t…” your mind trails off, but you can’t ask the question as discreetly, so your hazy mind asks straight away “Do you have a girlfriend Matty?”

He goes silent. You put the glass in the sink and turn to him. He’s looking at you with wide eyes and a slight smirk.

“No.”

Your mind goes blank, and Charli’s voice echoes.

He likes you.

“Oh, I thought…”

“No,” he repeats, interrupting you and stepping up to you. You notice he gets his hands out of his pockets, and you gulp once more “do you?”

“No” you answer in a soft whisper.

Matty smiles before crashing his lips into yours.

You breathe him in. Taste him. He smells of cigars and cologne, tastes of beer and peppermint. It’s addicting, the way you cling onto his shoulder as he kisses you and holds you by the waist.

As he pulls apart, you pant against his lips.

It doesn’t take him long to start kissing you again, this time moving to your room in between kisses and laughs as the two of you collide with everything and anything in your flat (why are there suddenly chairs and tables everywhere?).

He opens the door, he crushes you against the door, kisses you and kisses your neck, then moves onto your bed and the both of you collapse into it.

Your mind wanders as he takes off your shirt.

“Is this for real?” you ask in between kisses “Are you for real Louis’ brother?”

Matty chuckles as he takes off his shirt– God his tattoos– and he parts your legs to sit in between them.

“Yeah, I’m for real.”

“I really like you.”

Matty caresses your naked back as you lay in his chest, your cheek against it as your mind wanders a bit more. The after sex glow isn’t enough to get your mind relaxed.

“I hoped so” you say sarcastically.

“Well, I do,” Matty says with a sigh “and I’ve been since we met at the Halloween party.”

“Me too,” you confess, popping your head up to put it beside him, on the pillows of your bed “are you gonna last, Healy?”

He chuckles.

“I will,” he says, and puts a hand on your cheek, tracing with his fingertips your jaw, your neck, the love bites he left behind “I won’t lead you on. I’m not like the others.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Very much what I expected,” you joke, and Matty snickers “how can I know you’re for sure? It’s only been… Three weeks. A summer.”

Matty smirks, leans into you, captures your lips in another passionate kiss, licking your lower lip and then kissing your cheek with sweetness and lingering wanting in between.

“Let’s go to my house tomorrow, let’s tell mum and Louis.”

Oh he was… He was serious. His eyes told you the truth, he wanted this to work out because he liked the way you bantered, you played with each other, you craved each other.

“Okay” you nod, and he smiles, kissing you once more.

And now, you were dating Louis’ brother, Matty Healy.

[theangelshifter]

Obey Me DR Intro !!

this is outdated/inaccurate and is currently in the process of getting updated!!!

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

About me !!

Name : Venice Lyre

Nickname : Ven

Pronouns : He/They

Age : 21

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Relationships !!

Lucifer - Close friends! I admire him and his power. Basically like an older brother for me and treats me like how he treats his younger brothers.

Mammon - My s/o! He’s a sweetheart guys like— Literally love him 🫶 HES SO SWEET I CANTT

Levi - He’s chill. We’re friends and I’ll hang out in his room and watch him game and stuff. Sometimes he’ll drop a bunch of game/anime lore while I’m in there 😭

Satan - Actually chill. Like, super funny. We’re close friends too! Sometimes I hang in his room and we’ll talk about his books and stuff. We also both have a love for cats.

Asmo - He’s super touchy omg 😭 (I don’t mind it, he never does anything wrong but sometimes it makes Mammon jealous) He’s actually super sweet and he’s a good friend. He’ll drag me along to shop and test perfume. Asmo also often asks me if something looks good or not when he wears/tries something new.

Beel - LITERALLY THE BEST OMG HES SUCH A SWEETHEART. Actually like my brother he’s such a gentle giant. Sometimes when I bake things I’ll bake extra/something else for him.

Belphie - He’s cool, we’re friends. Sometimes he’ll end up falling asleep and will lean on me, especially during movie nights. (oh my god he CANNOT stay awake during movie nights to save his LIFEE 😭)

—————————————————————————

Simeon - We're friendly, but not super close since he's usually not around where I usually am.

Solomon - We're friends and we sit together in our history class. He knows more magic than me and teaches me some things.

Luke - Actually a cutie, like a little brother to me. He absolutely adores me. We bake together sometimes (and then sometimes he’ll go on rants about his problems with demons and my friends lmao 😭 “They keep calling me a dog, I am NOT a dog!! 😡 They say I get angry like a chihuahua! YOU HEAR THAT?? A… CHIHUAHUA! This is why I don’t like demons. They’re all like this, calling me a little angry chihuahua…even Lucifer! Actually, Lucifer probably does it the most! THE OTHER DAY—”

—————

Diavolo - We’re not really close, but we have a good relationship! He likes me and trusts me.

Barbatos - Same as Diavolo

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

World Info/Extra !!

Most of my DR follows the lore in the beginning, but father down the line the lore is more of an outline as to what happens in my DR. (as of right now, i’m currently working on the actual timeline so it makes more sense to me in my script)

Basically, the school is like a college. The school days are super short and I’ve only got three classes. I go to school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 9:00 - 12:10. My classes are history, law, and spells. (in that order, too)

When I shift, it’ll be right before I make my pact with Mammon (all the way back in the beginning, like lesson 1) However, I’d have been there for two weeks and everyone (including me) has gotten comfortable and used to me being around. People treat me like a friend and I feel comfortable and at home at the school.

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Backstory & Future !!

Basically, when I was in the human world, I was alone. I just lived in my apartment, went to work, came home, slept, then did it again the next day. It was NOT fulfilling at all but it was kind of my only option at that time. When I got chosen to be the exchange student in Diavolo’s program, I didn’t really complain when I ended up there. I was super confused and stuff, but kind of excited for the change.

As the year goes by, I get closer and closer with everyone and no one wants me to leave, including me. I feel more at home there than the human world. Still, the deal was that I would stay for a year, then go home. (Mammon at one point towards the end is like, “I will literally leave and go with you if you have to back. I swear I will.”) However, the week off, I end up turning into a demon myself. (HAVENT FIGURED THIS BIT OUT COMPLETELY, MAY JUST LET IT HAPPEN BY ITSELF 😰 The basics of this situation is that I had powers all along, they just weren’t apparent for quite some time. The atmosphere and surrounding magic in Devildom helped increase and show my powers, leading to me becoming so powerful I become a demon myself.) So then, I’m able to stay! :) (AHEM!! EDIT : I figured it out a bit more. It makes more sense now. If you want to read about it, click here!)

— Also, I haven’t fully finished all the lessons in the game yet, and haven’t played much of NB. Some things may change in the future based off canon lore. <3

︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

[anonymatt1]

another story of mine! this is fiction and i’d never condone anything like this irl, but hopefully you sick perverts (affectionate) can get off to it

CW: stalking, cnc, creampie, bondage, drugging, intoxication

I first saw you when we sat next to each other in class. I’ve always been a shy person, most of the friends I’ve made already know someone else in my friend group. So it took me by surprise when you took an interest in me. I know you were just being nice, but when you introduced yourself I knew you were going to be my girl. We got closer over the semester, and you even invited me over to your apartment a few times to work on a project or to study for a test. I fell more and more in love with you the more time I spent with you, but I could tell you didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to scare you off, so unfortunately I could only express my feelings for you in more secret ways. Sneaking a little card into your bag that says “I love you so much it hurts”. Putting in a mobile order for your coffee when I notice you going to Starbucks (under your name of course, I can tell you’re still not ready to accept my love just yet). Scaring away anyone else who shows interest in you so I can save you all for myself.

It was over Thanksgiving break that I had a realization. If I couldn’t get you to fall for me regularly, I would just have to make you fall for me. After that I started to plan the best way to make you love me as much as I love you. I remembered you saying you didn’t have the best family life, and how you really dreaded going home for the holidays. Using that, I was able to convince you to stay on campus later than the rest of your roommates. By this point you also trusted me enough to confide that you thought someone was stalking you, and you’d feel better if you weren’t alone.

Now I just had to figure out the best way to break you apart, so that I’d be able to mold you back together as my own. You’d mentioned how you enjoy smoking weed, and I said I’d get some alcohol even though we were both still underage. What better way to begin our break from college courses than relaxing in a way that just wasn’t feasible during the semester (at least not for honor students like us). I told you that I’d stay a little more sober, to make you feel safer from this “mysterious” stalker, and that you could just let yourself go for this one night. You’d gotten pretty cross-faded, but I had to make sure I didn’t mess up my only chance to make you mine. So I roofied your next drink and gave a toast. You didn’t notice I wasn’t actually taking my shot alongside you, and you certainly didn’t notice me picking you up as you blacked out.

I took you to your bedroom and laid you out on top of your neat sheets. You looked so cute, just laying there, so peaceful. I had to shake myself out of my reverie so that I could secure you before you woke up. You wouldn’t be awakening any time soon, but I needed to make sure everything went perfectly. Another sign that we were meant to be together were the posts of your bed. They were thick, perfect to tie you down to until you realized what I already knew, we were made for each other. I spread your limbs out so I could have easy access to all of your body, I wanted to be able to explore every inch of you. Next I had to gag your mouth. I hated to do that to you, but unfortunately I couldn’t take the chance that you might panic before I could show you my love.

Now that I had you positioned correctly, I could move on to pleasuring you. During some of our more risque conversations, after we’d finished studying and you got a little tipsy or high, you mentioned how sensitive your tits were. It was obviously meant as an off-handed comment to a friend, but it gave me an idea on how to convince you I was the only man for you. I taped little bullet vibes onto your nipples and turned them onto medium. I wanted to make you as aroused and sensitive as I could before you came to. Next I set a vibrator to rest on your clit, but this one I left on low. At that point I couldn’t help but take a taste of your pussy, the sight of it too tempting to pass up. You hadn’t worked up much arousal yet, but just the taste of you nearly drove me to madness. I had to take a second to calm myself, and then I started slowly rubbing the outside of your vagina. I knew it’d be some time still before you’d wake up, so I just gently stroked up and down your lips, swapping which arm I was using a couple times so that I didn’t wear one out too much. I started to hear some moans coming out of your mouth so I quickly moved up near your face. You were still unconscious, but it seemed my ministrations were doing a good job of getting you worked up. I took a bit of a chance, but I had to hear those moans straight from your mouth. I removed the gag, and hearing your sweet voice was the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced. You still weren’t waking up, so I took another chance and had my first kiss with you. You couldn’t kiss me back, and yet it was still the best kiss I’d ever had. Then I noticed your eyes shifting, a small sign that you would soon awaken.

It took a large amount of restraint to pull away and put the gag back on, but the thought of losing you was enough to make me break our kiss. As your eyes fluttered open, I reached back down to your cunt to find that you had become soaked. The continued stimulation of the vibrators had made you start to leak arousal. The alcohol, weed, and drugs had fogged up your brain, and all of the sensations you started to feel as you woke up didn’t do anything to help clear it. I slapped your face. Not too hard, just enough to help jump start your consciousness. The first thing you saw after coming to was my face. I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face, I was just so excited to finally be able to express my feelings for you. I saw the fear enter your eyes as you realized what was happening and rushed to reassure you. “Don’t worry baby. I know it’s frightening right now, but soon you’ll understand I’m just trying to help you realize we belong together.” This didn’t do anything to calm you and you started to struggle against the ropes holding your limbs. Seeing that I hadn’t done enough to convince you yet, I turned up each of the vibrators and started to suck on your nipples. I continued to rub the outer lips, but I also started to gently finger you as well. You had already gotten aroused enough that I could quickly add another finger and start to stretch you farther. When you became aware again your moans had stopped, but the increased stimulation began to force you to let out sounds of pleasure once again. Once I noticed this moved to be face-to-face with you once again. “See princess, I just want to make you feel good. If you stop struggling then I can start to make you feel even better,” I murmur.

Tears had started to roll down your cheeks and I quickly licked up the trails. Your face was too beautiful to be marred by such things. At this point I couldn’t hold back any longer. I pulled off my pants and boxers, revealing my rock hard cock. Your enticing body had gotten me stiff as a board and leaking pre from the tip. “Now I’m going to start making love to you, darling.” My loving tone and words were at odds with the rape that was occuring, and yet somehow they still felt appropriate. I replaced the vibe on your clit with my hand so that I could thrust into you more freely. With one smooth push, I fit the entirety of my cock into your snatch. I saw your eyes flutter once again, but this time it was because of the rush of pleasure you were feeling instead of your groggy state of mind. “That’s it princess. Let my cock push all those silly thoughts of resistance away.” My voice washed over you. The calm, smooth, and kind tenor mixed with your growing arousal, battling with the logical side of your mind saying that this is a bad thing.

I saw that I was starting to make progress, so I went back to your weak point. I pulled the vibes off from your nipples and left them untouched for a minute as I continued to make love to you. Then I took one in my mouth as I gently rolled the other between my fingers. The small period of sensory deprivation had left them extra sensitive, so this managed to bring another moan out of you. This time it was more long and drawn out, everything came together to push you over the edge into orgasm. As I felt the walls of your vagina start to clench around my cock, I pumped into you faster. I wanted us to orgasm together for our first time, bonding us together. The sensations from your pulsing cunt, and the knowledge that I was the one that gave you all this pleasure were just enough to set me off as well.

We orgasmed together and your cunt milked me for all it was worth. Your womb hungrily swallowed my semen until I was utterly spent. As we both came down from our highs, I shifted so that we were face-to-face once more. “I’m sorry that I hid my love for you for so long, but I couldn’t take the chance that I’d push you away. Can you forgive me darling?” I muttered. “I’m going to take off the gag now. Please don’t make me have to hurt you, I only want what’s best for you.” I held eye contact with and reached up to pull out the gag. Your eyes were still watery, tears building up but not falling. You weren’t able to say it out loud yet, but you did manage a small nod to show you accepted my love for you. Another smile broke out across my face, what a wonderful night this was. Content that I was able to show you how we were meant to be together, we laid down and fell asleep, my cock still resting inside you.

[joonslfttiddie]

The Underclassman

💜Fic Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

💜AU/Genre: College AU | Smut | Potential Relationship

💜Warnings: Smut, femdom, male sub, climax denial, unprotected sex, ejaculation, virgin's first time

💜Rating: MA

💜Word Count: 4781

Senior year of undergrad has had its challenges but you know it's downhill from here. Having gotten a jump on your assignments, you're pretty much skating through until graduation. Your only obligations are your teaching assistant tasks for Dr. Yun's psychology class, your job at the bookstore, and a few organizations on campus.

While things have been chill regarding course work, this year has also shown you who has your best interest at heart and who is just a waste of space in your life. Depending on how you look at things, fortunately or unfortunately, that meant that your ex-boyfriend was one of the people to exit your world. The two of you had been together since freshman year, and it has not been easy adjusting to the single life.

You haven't been on a date since, and just looking at other men still feels wrong. Your ex was always the jealous, controlling type who made it hard to breathe, as you walked on eggshells around him, which made you feel powerless.

"Honestly, I never liked your ex. It felt like all of your time was owed to him... like he owned you. You deserve so much better than him."

Your friend, René, opens up to you during a night of chilling at your apartment, sitting in a circle, cross legged in the middle of your living room floor. Your other friends, Michelle and Ticole, just shake their heads in agreement before taking a sip of their beers.

"I know, I know. You're right. I can see now how devoted I was to him. I was willing to give him everything I had. Of course, we now know he was giving his time, amongst other things, to someone else...but it's whatever."

Michelle chimes in, "It is whatever. This is our senior year. I just want you to take your time to find yourself again. Get out! Date! Enjoy your hoe phase. Plus, my boyfriend's mentee asks me about you every time I see him. That boy is in love."

"Girl, who? Seokjin?! I catch him eyeing me every other day in Dr. Yun's class but he has yet to say anything to me sooooo....."

"Don't do him like that...He is so sweet but so shy. He's one of those guys that's hot but doesn't know he's hot."

You all erupt into laughter and as the excitement subsides you agree.

"You're right, he is so cute but I never really looked at him like that. He has been such a sweetheart every time I've interacted with him but I dunno if he's my type, you know? Hell, he still refers to me as 'ma'am', like, I literally only have a couple of years on him, if that."

"He mentioned to Chance that he was not the best looking guy in high school. He was bullied because he was so skinny, had bad acne, braces, and glasses.. the usual "nerd" package. I, legit, don't think he realizes that puberty has come and gone. I wonder if he just doesn't have the confidence to approach you."

"Hmm... that would make sense. I hate that he went through all that. He seems so sweet despite being mistreated. I'll think about it, ok? But as far as 'enjoying my hoe phase' goes, guys fuck around all the time and no one bats an eye. I hate the double standard. I'm going to have the time of my life for the rest of the year. I deserve it, plus I've been horny as fuck, lately."

"Girl, go for it! I support this. Live your best life, friend. You've missed out on a lot being tied down like a married woman. Go get you some. And you never know, having that underclassman screaming 'yes, ma'am' may be just what you need!" Ticole says, co-signing with Michelle.

You all erupt into a fit of laughter at that and you take notice of the way your body feels from just imagining it. As heat burns up your spine and your pussy tingles, you swallow spit as you're basically salivating with excitement. Knowing what will make for some good material when you're alone later, you reply with a nervous chuckle, "Maybe, huh?"

Your girls were right! You're going to start putting yourself out there and try to be more open minded. After a restful night and having used mental images of Seokjin to gain a little post nut clarity, you begin to think that you may even explore people outside of your typical type. Internalizing all the encouragement your girls provided last night, you walk to Dr. Yun's class feeling like the baddest bitch on campus.

After taking attendance, you make a mental note that Seokjin isn't here yet. He never misses class but you shrug it off for the moment to continue your duties. You remind the students of upcoming assignments, schedule a few tutoring sessions, and answer any questions to the best of your knowledge until the professor arrives moments later. He hands you a stack of handouts and asks you to make copies since he hadn't gotten a chance to while the class takes a quiz. You grab your phone from the desk and slide it in the pocket of your cardigan before swiftly proceeding down the hall to the printer.

You turn the corner, finding yourself colliding with a student who is frantically rushing to class, landing you on your ass surrounded by the papers you were carrying, you quickly adjust your clothes as your skirt has flipped up, putting your lace undies on full display.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I woke up late and can't be late for class. I have a quiz today."

You recognize that voice immediately and look up to see Seokjin. He quickly tries to collect the paperwork as he chatters, taking a moment to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

'He couldn't have seen that, right?'

"Hey! No worries, Seokjin, I can get this. Go ahead... they're just about to begin."

After hearing his name cross your lips, he finally looks up to see your face. With a gasp, you notice his ears flush red before he responds.

"Miss y/n! I'm so sorry! Are you sure you're okay?" He pulls you up to your feet with one hand, allowing you to further adjust your clothing before handing you the papers he'd collected.

"Yes, I'm fine. Hurry up and go. Good luck!"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry."

Seokjin smiles nervously before he rushes past you towards the classroom.

You make the copies and begin heading back to class, unable to stop replaying the incident with Seokjin. Has he always been so cute? So tall? Shoulders that broad? Biting your bottom lip, you recall the way his hair hung just above his eyes and his full pink lips slightly parted when he gasped from the shock of your accident. He looked so nerdy behind those glasses, but his brown eyes were breathtaking.

'Why am I just seeing him now... like really SEEING him?!'

You're thinking about all of this as you make the copies, sure that you hadn't noticed Seokjin's beauty for being so committed to you ex. You were blind for so long but now your eyes are wide open.

Back in the classroom, you quietly place the stack of papers on the desk, glancing up to see the student's working busily. Once you take your designated spot next to Dr. Yun's desk, you cross your legs and begin looking through the rows of seats until you spot him. Hunching over his desk and bouncing his foot restlessly, the poor guy looks so anxious. The sight leaves him looking so small and helpless, though he is definitely a deliciously full grown adult.

You glance away for a second but can't help the smirk that creeps across your face when you catch him suddenly still, sitting erect in his seat as his eyes trace your up legs all the way up to your thighs peeking from under your skirt. After making sure everyone else was focused on their work, you put your leg down and part your knees, now purposely exposing yourself to him. He licks his lips, then his eyes meet yours. Snapping your legs shut, you look down, covering your smile as you snicker to yourself. His nervous behavior commences as his gaze quickly snaps back down to his quiz, but not before you notice his face and ears turn a pretty shade of pink. What is this new feeling? You are not certain but you are 100% sure that you love it. You want more.

A couple of days have passed since literally running into Seokjin when you find yourself at work refolding the campus tees on one of the display tables, you glance at your watch to see it's almost time for you to clock out. It's been beautiful weather all day, despite what the weather channel said, but you can see the sky getting darker and you can hear thunder in the distance.

"It looks like the rain has finally made it," you warn your coworker. "Get home safely!"

Thankfully you check the weather every morning before leaving your campus apartment and was wise enough to bring your umbrella.

You grab your things from your locker in the employee lounge after clocking out. Once outside, you make it halfway across the yard to the fountain in the middle of the quad before you feel the first few sprinkles of rainfall. You stop to arm yourself with your umbrella before continuing your trek across campus as the bottom falls out of the sky. It is pouring now as you cross the street nearing your place, and you notice a familiar figure walking ahead of you.

He's soaking! He doesn't have an umbrella or even a jacket to keep him warm. You can tell that he's cold by the way he burrows into himself. The ripples of his back muscles are accentuated through his wet, white tee shirt as he hugs himself.

"SEOKJIN!"

He stops and turns towards you after hearing his name.

"Miss y/n? What are you doing out in this storm?"

You hold up the umbrella to cover you both.

"I'm just leaving work and on my way home. What are you doing out? And why don't you have a jacket on or an umbrella?"

He smiles shyly.

"Ummm...I didn't know it was going to rain today so I'm unprepared. I was going to the cafe to grab a bite before studying but it started to storm so I turned back."

"You poor thing. Why don't you come up to my place until the rain stops? I haven't eaten yet, either, so I can whip something up for us to eat."

"Uhhh...are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude. Plus, I only live a ways down from here."

Linking your arm in his, you continue to shield you both from getting wet while pulling him alongside you.

"It's no intrusion, I promise. Since it's Friday, my roommate has gone to her boyfriend's place, so I could use the company."

You smile at each other as he takes the umbrella to hold above you and continue to chat as you make your way up the stairs leading to your door. When you step inside, you ask that he stay at the door where there's tile as he's still dripping wet.

"Just stay there for a second. You're soaked. I know there's a towel in here somewhere."

After a moment of searching through the hamper of fresh laundry you hadn't gotten a chance to put away before work, you finally find a towel and hand it to him after he's secured the umbrella strap and placed it in the corner.

"Thanks, Miss y/n. I really appreciate your kindness."

"Of course! We've known each other for years now. You're not exactly a stranger at this point, so it's no problem at all. While you're drying your hair, I'll go see if my roommate's boyfriend may have left some clothes here. You guys are about the same size. Go ahead and get out of those clothes before you catch a cold."

This wouldn't be the first time you've seen a man undress so you're not thinking much about what you just said and rush off to your roommates bedroom to find a large tee shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. You stay frozen for a second as the situation suddenly catches up to you. You and Seokjin are alone in your apartment and he's undressing in the other room. Ticole's words echo in your mind. 'Get you some!' Michelle's voice lingers closely behind. 'Enjoy your hoe phase!'

'Am I really thinking about this now?! Does he even think of me in THAT way? He seems so innocent, I don't want to be a bad influence or take advantage of him.

You continue to stand there, contemplating your next move. Sure, he is extra dorky at first glance, but when you really look at him, you see now that he is fine as fuck. He, also, doesn't talk to a lot of people so you know he's not sleeping around and he will be discreet about what happens. This could be a good thing, if he's willing, of course. You take a deep breath before you leave the room, only to walk out and see Seokjin wearing nothing but his jeans and sneakers. You gasp at the sight, hoping he didn't hear you. Sure, you knew he would be undressing but you didn't expect that body to be under those clothes. God definitely took his time sculpting him to perfection.

When he looks up to see you've returned, he shyly covers himself with the wet shirt and towel leaving his free hand grasping his spectacles across his chest. There's that feeling again...the one you experienced during class the other day. You clear your throat and walk over to him to give him the clothes, trying your best not to stare.

"M-miss y/n. I-"

"Oh... sorry! I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Here are the clothes. I can step out for a second."

Reluctantly, he drops the shirt and towel to the floor by his side but his other hand holding on to his glasses remains across his chest as he reaches for the outfit.

Just above a whisper, he asks, "I've been meaning to talk to you. Are you ok? You know from the other day? I was hoping you weren't hurt and I wanted to apologize again. And no, I'm not uncomfortable, you know? I just...I."

"No, I'm completely fine, I promise. And it's no problem at all. I'll step out to give you some privacy."

"Miss y/n."

"Hmm?" You pause to look up to him, awaiting his response.

"You don't have to leave. I don't want you to leave, I just..."

The look on his face teeters on the cusp of pain and embarrassment.

"What's up? You look like there's something else you want to tell me."

"Miss y/n."

"Stop calling me that, though. I'm only a couple years older than you."

"Y-y/n?" He pauses for a moment to see if he's overstepped. When you continue to look into his chocolate colored pupils, he continues speaking. "I've never done this before."

"Done what?"

He leans over to place the clothes on the end table putting his glasses on top. He stands back to face you, taking your wrist in his hand. His eyes bounce from your eyes to your lips, then back. You can see he's nervous as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"What do you want to do, Sweet Boy? Do you want to kiss me?"

The nickname and the question causes his eyes to widen, the reddish hue of his ears and cheeks deepen.

"Y-yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am. I want to kiss you so bad."

"Good boy. Go ahead, kiss me."

He hesitates, standing straight and still, your small wrist still gripped in his hand. He's looking into your eyes as if searching to see if you're serious. After what feels like forever, he tilts his head to the side and leans in, only to pull back. Shifting his head in the opposite direction, he leans in again only to pull away. He continues this for a moment, unsure of how to approach you. This would usually be a huge turn off for you but with him it's different. His uncertainty and timidness seems to just stir you on.

"Kiss me."

Your sudden command startles him slightly and he quickly leans in, placing his mouth against yours, bumping your lip with his teeth. He pulls back quickly as if he were burned. Patiently, you take his hands, placing one on the small of your back and the other at your nape. Taking a step forward, your body now flush to his, you can hear his breath shuttering. His very prominent bulge presses against your stomach as you place one hand on his exposed chest and snake your arm around his neck.

"Don't rush. I'm not going anywhere. Take your time and try again."

Slowly this time, he moves in to softly press his lips to yours before he pulls away, the smooch audible. You gently pull him back, slowly beginning to move your mouth against his, licking and sucking at his lips. When your tongue brushes against his, he whimpers aloud, grasping your shirt into his fist. Pulling back, you look up to check in on him. The dorky Seokjin is barely visible under the haze of lust now surrounding him. He bends down, taking your lips again. Mimicking your actions from before, he licks and sucks at your bottom lip before grazing your tongue with his own. Slightly taken aback by the feeling, you pull back to regain control of this situation. When he releases you, you step back and can feel the coldness of your shirt against your skin, now wet from being pressed against him.

"That was so good, Baby. You did good. Would you like to take the rest of those wet clothes off?"

"Yes, ma'am."

You smile at how quickly he's catching on. Still standing at the entrance of your place, Seokjin begins to toe off his shoes which squish with every movement. Sliding them to the side with his foot, he begins to unbutton his jeans, hands noticeably trembling. You're unsure if he's still cold or if he's nervous so you decide to check in again.

"Are you ok? Do you want to stop?"

"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am... I'm ok. I don't want to stop, I'm just c-cold."

"Take those off and follow me...let's get you warmed up."

Removing your now moist shirt, you begin walking down the hallway to your bedroom. Seokjin watches as your hips sashay and your ass jiggles with every step you take. He continues to peel the wet jeans from his body. Now, wearing only his boxer briefs, he follows the route he just watched you take. Inside of your bedroom, he finds you already in bed, clothes tossed haphazardly on the floor. He bashfully makes his way to the edge of the bed, awaiting further instruction.

"Aren't those wet, too? Don't you think you should take them off?"

"Are you sure you're ok with this? With me?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be? Take them off, Sweet Boy, and come here."

When he pulls them down, you have to hide the shock that overcomes you. His dick looks so thick and heavy. Your heart begins to race in anticipation. Once he's completely naked, you pull the covers back as an invitation for him to climb in. He seems reluctant, trying and failing to cover his manhood behind his hands.

"Seokjin, baby...we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for. I won't be upset and I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"NO! It's not that. I want this, I want this with you. But, like I mentioned, I've never done this before...I'm a virgin. Shit, you just gave me my first kiss. I'm sorry...I should have told you sooner. I'll just leave. I don't want to embarrass myself and waste your time."

"Awww, Baby. It's ok! I don't care that you're a virgin. I want you to stay but only if you want to stay."

"Yes, ma'am, I do."

"I promise to be patient. I'm not here to judge you. I won't rush you so just take your time. Would you like for me to teach you?"

He nods his head in agreement.

"Have you ever heard of a 'safeword'?"

"Is it a word we would use to indicate that we are uncomfortable with something?"

"That's exactly what it is. If either of us say or do anything that the other doesn't like, we'll use that word. The other has to stop immediately."

"Ok...what should it be? Could we use Adler?"

You laugh out loud at his cuteness. "Ok... that's fine with me, but why did you choose that?"

"I don't know. His theory was the last thing I looked at when I was studying for Professor Yun's test earlier. It's the first thing that popped into my head," he laughs bashfully while still trying to cover his manhood.

"Adler it is. You can lay with me whenever you feel ready."

With that reassurance, he places his trust in you, removes his hands, and climbs into the sheets. Covering your bodies under the plush blanket, you pull him closer to share your body heat. Resting your head on one hand, you caress his smooth skin with the other. His body continues to tremble but not from the cold this time. Your touch is sending electricity through his core leaving his skin slightly clammy and his breathing shallow and quick.

"I've seen the way you stare at me in class. Do you like me, baby?"

His expression looks as if he'd been caught red handed.

"Y-yes, ma'am. Yes, I do."

"Have you thought about being close with me like this? In bed with me? Touching my naked body?"

His breath hitches in his throat before he answers the same as before.

"Y-y...Yes, ma'am."

"Do you ever touch yourself when you think of me? Does the thought of me make you cum, baby?"

You're practically whispering at this point, inches from his ear. Your hand travels down his abs then along his thigh, skipping the tented area where he needs and wants your touch the most. His erection jerks from the excitement, his body spasms, and his shallow breaths now deepen as he whimpers and moans under your touch. You know he's fighting for his life at this moment but you decide to press him for an answer.

"Did you hear my question? Answer me, Seokjin."

Still inaudible minus his tiny whimpers, he nods his head frantically in agreement.

"I can't hear you. Are you not going to answer me? Do you know what happens to bad boys who don't follow directions? They get punished."

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly in anticipation of what you'll do next. As he clenches his teeth, you can see the muscles along his jawline flex.

"Bad boy," you say softly, pulling the blanket off of him to reveal his hardness. His dick is so firm making his skin look extra smooth but painfully red. The precum leaking from his slit indicates he's enjoying this torture. "Show me. Show me how you jerk yourself off when you're in your room thinking about me."

You sit up briefly to grab the almond oil you'd left on your nightstand this morning after moisturizing your legs. Opening the cap, you pour a bit on the head of his dick and watch as it drizzles down his shaft along the contours of his veins.

"Show me, bad boy. Let me see."

His hand tremors as he brings it up to fist himself. Using his thumb, he distributes the oil and precum over his tip before slowly gliding down his rod. He grunts and gasps as his abs contract, lifting his head from the pillow slightly. He moves his fist back up to the top, barely touching himself.

"Look at me, Seokjin."

He opens his eyes, though they are hooded and lazy. Your heart flutters at the sight. He holds eye contact and his plush lips part as his pants, ready to receive his punishment.

"Squeeze tighter. Imagine my tight pussy slowly sliding down your dick. I'm so wet and juicy."

Following your instruction, he applies more pressure. Still looking into your eyes, his brows furrow as if begging for more. He begins to pick up speed as he's almost there.

"Slowly. Rub your thumb over the tip."

And he does, slowly smearing more precum over the head of his penis. You can tell that he's close to the edge. You allow him to stroke himself a few more times before you grab his wrist, stopping him.

"I want you inside of me. I want you begging me to let you cum."

You grab your phone before moving back towards him. Straddling his hips as he looks at you with a dumbfounded expression. You lift up onto your knees and guide him into you.

"Oh, oh, oh, y/n! Oh! OH!"

He is a mess as you slowly lower your soaking wet pussy to sit flush onto his lap.

"What a nice seat. I think I'll sit here for a while. Don't move."

You unlock your device and start to scroll through your Instagram feed as you're perched motionless with his dick buried deep inside of you. He feels so good and it's a challenge for you to remain still, sitting in this dominant role. You look up to see him looking up to you. The slight chuckle that leaves your lips causes your walls to tighten briefly around him. His whimpers cause you clench even more. He hisses and grabs your hips, sinking his nails into your skin. Simultaneously, he pulls you down as he grinds up to burrow deeper into you. You swallow your moan, unwilling to relinquish your newfound power. You lean forward to firmly grab his chin, bringing his eyes up to yours.

"I said...Be. Still," you whisper. You leave him heaving as you continue to scroll on your phone, putting on as if you're not ready to ride him off the cliff of ecstasy. His little pleas making it harder to act.

"Hmmm...Pleeeease! I c-can't. Y-y/n, please. I can't... can't hold it anymore."

"You can't hold it? Do you need to use the word, baby."

His brows are winkling tighter, sweat pecking at his forehead and chest. You adjust yourself, purposely lifting your body only to follow the trail of moisture you've left smeared on his dick to sit back down.

"N-no... I can't. I can't hold it, y/n! A-ADLER!"

"Go ahead, baby. Let it go."

With your permission, he grips you tighter and pounds into you. Seokjin bares and grinds his teeth, his grunts becoming louder with every stroke. He controls himself for as long as he can, lasting for approximately ten seconds before he explodes, painting your walls with his cum. He feels so amazing, you to want to continue to move. His whining grows louder as his sensitivity increases. Stopping for a moment to allow him to catch his breath, you push the hairs stuck to his forehead away and caress his cheek.

"Are you ok, babe?" Your voice sounds so loving, laced with tenderness.

Seokjin opens his eyes to look at you before he replies, "Yes, ma'am. I'm ok...more than ok. That was better than any of my daydreams, better than I could have ever imagined. You feel so good, so warm, so wet. You look so beautiful sitting on me like this. Thank you so much for this experience."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You're doing so well."

"But you are too sexy, I couldn't restrain myself. The nickname you called me... the way you spoke to me... your dominance. Whew! But, I came way too fast, I'm so sorry. I wasn't able to pleasure you."

Looking at him, you can see that he's oozing with confidence. Confidence you're sure he's unaware that he carries. You both continue conversing as he softly traces tiny circles on your calves with his fingertips.

"Stop that...you're being too hard on yourself. You did great and this was your first time! You'll get better the more you do it. And you feel amazing, by the way. You just have to learn what to do and gain more experience."

"Ummm... could you help me with that, y/n?"

"Of course, Sweet Boy, I would love to help you with that."

He blushes and chuckles a little with a voice that sounds deeper than you remember. "Really?! Thank you so much, y/n. I never would have imagined I'd be able to be here with you, like this. I'm, literally, the luckiest man alive. Also... I am still inside of you but the way you're looking at me, well, I'm getting hard again. What should I do?"

You can't contain your laugher at his innocence.

"Well, baby, you just came. Now it's my turn."

"Yes ma'am... just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it. Anything you want. I want to learn how to please you."

[vampirelova92]

Stuck N The Middle: Different 1.1

~This isn't an original Chris Brown story, It's an original love tale~

~It's been six months since Dana Ross has went out to an actual club experience since the abrupt halt of her three year relationship. It came to an end with the first woman she's ever loved. At twenty-two years old she is an accomplished college graduate with a good job and lives with her roommate Cari in Atlanta. On this particular night out she runs into her ex, and makes the mistake of doing something without thinking of the repercussions just to make her ex jealous.~

April•

Dana

My normal, dressy casual clothes I had on when I went out weren't different. My hair, was my hair, usually it did what it wanted. 

The perfume I wore was always the same, I hadn't changed anything about my make up or jewelry for a night out on the town with only close friends. 

But for some reason on this very night all that changed, and I was nowhere ready for the days to come and unfold before my eyes.

~

My lips absentmindedly played with the black small straw in my glass of cranberry and vodka on ice. 

I was on my second, listening to the live band that played tonight in a cozy night club my three best friends and I usually met up at of downtown Atlanta. 

They were chatting it up, something about that idiot Trump did in the middle of the week. It was Friday and we hadn't met up in a while, I was tired but decided to come out anyways. 

"Dae, how's the job going?" One of my close friends Cari that sat next to me asked. 

I met Cari through my last year of college, we were doing an internship together before we got into the same building for our jobs. 

I was born in the U.K. but moved around twelve to the states, immediately wanting to do something proactive with my life in the states. 

Being a call management lead of a healthcare company wasn't something that I thought I would be doing out of college. But it paid the bills and I was glad to have make a friend that lasted past college to an actual job. 

It was almost like fate that we would end up being friends for the past two years. She was my closest homie and I loved her dearly. Cari worked in another department but we are both under the same company.

I shrugged dragging my eyes from her heart shaped face, taking a sip of my drink, "Its not distracting as much as I thought it would."

"It's been only six months babe." Her light grey eyes blinked at me with a forced smile. Oh yeah, of course I would leave out the part where my girlfriend of three years had basically dumped me right?

"I'm chill." I shrugged, taking a deep breath. 

Her name was Erin and she at first meant nothing to me, just a friend. Then she kissed me one night and everything changed for me. 

I knew in the middle of high school I was into girls, but was shy about it. I had been hesitant about it, but during the middle of college I met Erin and she was not scared to put her sexuality out there. 

It's like she empowered me to not be scared to let people know the real me. Sometimes I would feel like how she helped me be who I felt I was, was the reason I had fell in love with her. 

She supported me and beyond everything she was like my backbone. Not to mention no guy ever made me feel how she did when she was around me. 

Then three years later things changed, she became acting so strange around me and eventually told me there was someone else. 

It broke me to be honest and six months later my heart still ached, just not as bad as it had when everything started crashing down. 

I didn't leave the apartment I shared with Cari, nothing. This outing honestly was my third time going out if it wasn't for going grocery shopping, getting other supplies for the apartment or work. Since then I've just been taking it a day at a time. 

Trying to save up for a vacation away from Atlanta or move out of the city entirely that I spent so much time with my now ex. Everything about Atlanta just repulsed me and made me think of her. 

I haven't heard from Erin since she left me six months ago, of course pathetically I had tried calling her. 

But after about two weeks I gave up on trying to contact her. She shut me out and it was too painful to keep trying to reach her when she didn't want to be. 

"Y'all want another round?" Cooper yelled over at us. Cari and I both nodded at him, only because we took an Uber instead of driving since we knew we would be drinking. 

Cooper was Cari's younger brother and just who so happened to work with Cari and I at our job, he was in Cari's department. 

He had all the women at the job all over him. Only because our job was really more female dominated, so he always had a woman chasing him. Or so that's what Cari would tell me. He was cool, so we hung out with his womanizing ass. 

Then there was Bryson, he was a soft spoken guy that Cari was dating for the time being. I don't know how but once we were out we ran into him and Cooper had introduced us to him, and him and Cari clicked automatically once he got her digits that night a year ago. 

So that's the only people that I only really associated myself with, it sometimes made me miss the days when Erin would be right by my side. 

But I was surely but slowly still moving on from her. I played with the straw of my now empty glass with only ice looking back over at the band. 

Cooper's loud self came back to the table obviously talking to someone, he sat Cari and I's drinks in front of us on our coasters. 

It was some guy but I didn't look at him fully too focused on my drink. 

My lips instantly locked on the straw sipping down the refreshing drink that I needed. 

Already feeling buzzed I knew once this drink was downed I would be cloudy and my worries of my life would just disappear from my mind finally. 

"Oh shit, Dana do not look to your left." Cari instantly spoke to me, knowing with her saying that I would look up. 

My heart began to race faster than it already was from the liquor in my system in seeing Erin here, on this night in this particular club with another female at that. 

Six months and my wound was fully open again, scab gone. 

Standing to my feet as she made eye contact with me, I heard Cari say something but I ignored her turning away to walk to the bar. 

I stumbled briefly not caring who saw as I just felt my heart burn rapidly. 

Glad I had on flats and not heels tonite I eventually made it to the bar through the crowds of people and sat on a stool with my drink. 

My head was so fuzzy from being halfway through my third glass I could only sit there and stare into space. 

Out of all places she just had to be here, and just look at me all stupid I downed the rest of my glass, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand slowly. 

Suddenly I felt someone sit next to me, looking out the corner of my eye to the right there was someone sitting there. 

It was a guy in an all black blazer, black shirt underneath and black dress pants. A gold chain linger around his neck, as a matching stud the size of a grape was in his ear. One small gold hoop piercing accompanied the left nostril of his nose. 

I couldn't see what was on his feet but the shoes looked expensive. 

He slowly sipped from his glass that had dark brown liquid in it on the rocks. Slowly he turned his head in my direction lowering his glass from his mouth, giving me full view of his face. 

He was handsome, brown eyes with a soft sparkle to them with a light skinned tone. Freckles splattered his face gently on his high cheek bones. 

My eyes traveled down to his lips that were light pink and looked scrumptious enough to kiss for a girl that was into guys only. 

I may have only ever found girls attractive but I would be lying if I said this dude wasn't fine.

"You alright?" He asked in a deep southern voice, it was different from the usual accent I heard here in Atlanta. 

A small smirk tugged at his lips, knocking me out of the fact that I was staring at him, mainly his lips. 

Darting my eyes away I looked straight ahead shrugging my shoulders. 

I shook my head, "Define alright."

"What?" He asked leaning closer, that I smelled him, his cologne it made me feel something I never felt before. 

He looked familiar though, like I had seen him before.

"Nothing." I mumbled shaking my head I looked back over to see him closer to my face. 

His eyes were so brown and I could count each freckle he had if I wanted, it was like he was looking in my soul or some shit. 

In my peripheral vision to my right I could see Erin staring at me standing close by talking to some people or they were just talking to her. 

Without thinking I thought of only revenge on my mind, and looked back over to the handsome guy still giving me a confused look his face close to mine. 

Closing the small distance between our faces I pressed my lips to his knowing Erin was looking at me still. 

The kiss was weird at first as I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn't push me off. 

A deep chuckle of satisfaction from his throat sounded making my heart thrum. 

My fears went away when I felt him move his lips against mine, turning his head he deepened the kiss leaving me breathless. 

My face felt hot as I tasted his lips of straight brandy and a mint taste. 

His lips were so soft as I felt he turned his body my way briefly sucking on my bottom lip I could feel his strong hands on my hips pulling me in more, until I pulled away needing to breathe. 

I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with a big grin on his face, a dimple in his right cheek. 

I looked behind me to see Erin was gone as I breathed.

"Damn, Cooper will be glad to know you're more than alright." The guy I kissed muttered downing the rest of his glass with his body still towards me. 

Checking him out more now I saw he had tattoos on his neck and hands, probably going up further where the sleeves of his jacket covered.

"Wait, you know Cooper?" I asked my head spinning and blinking my eyes I rubbed my left one. 

Glad I had on twenty four hour makeup I looked back down to the bar.

"Damn that accent though." He commented getting a raised eyebrow from me. 

I had gotten so used to people being used to my accent, he reawakened that feeling. 

"Um, anyways, yeah, he told me to come check on you," He smiled as I looked back up to him, "My name is Calen, his older brother." Older brother? 

There's the familiarity, but his eyes are different.

"Oh." I blinked standing up as he checked out my body raising an eyebrow looking back up to my face with a lust filled stare in his brown eyes.

"Come with me." I ordered grabbing his hand pulling him out of his seat he didn't hesitate to follow. 

As gay as I was that was my first un-gay experience and it was fucking with me, as my buzz was completely gone now. 

Calen held my hand as we walked back to the table where Cooper, Cari and Bryson sat. 

They were standing though as Calen and I approached the table. 

I quickly slipped my hand out of Calens. I don't think he noticed though nodding at Cooper.

"Hey you okay?" Cari asked walking up to me, she eyed Calen for a brief second. 

Why all of a sudden I felt like they had set that up for Calen to go check on me at the bar. 

I nodded at her as Cooper and Calen started talking.

"Why didn't you tell me you had an older brother?" I asked her in a lower tone only she could hear. Cari chuckled with a smile at me.

"It never came up, too busy keeping an eye on Cooper's ass all this time." She told me with a smile, "He just popped up I guess he told Cooper that he would be coming because I didn't know shit."

"I thought we knew everything about each other hoe." I muttered at her and she giggled.

"He stays in Virginia, half brother on our dad side. Calen really stays to himself, I haven't seen him in almost a year girl." She shook her head looking over at her brothers. 

Following suit I looked over seeing Cooper nod talking to his brother as Calen stared at me, winking once with a dark smile before looking back at Cooper. 

Feeling myself blush out of embarrassment I looked away back to Cari, and she had that look on her face. 

She saw it all and had an I want an explanation right now look.

"What?" I asked trying to act dumb, but Cari saw through it.

"Don't 'What' me bitch, what was that between you and my brother?" She spoke hysterically with a big ass grin. 

To be honest I don't know what was going on between us, all I did was use him in front of Erin. 

Shrugging my shoulders, I just played it off making Cari look confused.

"Bae, I'm ready to head out its close to two." Bryson walked closer behind Cari his mouth to her ear. 

Letting her look on me go for now she gave in to Bryson turning towards him. Cooper walked over to us with Calen in tow scratching his chin nonchalantly.

"Well since y'all two already met, I don't think introductions are in order." Cooper spoke to me grabbing everyone's attention. 

I nodded at him looking over at Calen who had a sparkle in his eyes looking back, "Yeah, we're good thanks."

"Pleasures all mine Dana." He smiled at me, I looked away realizing that I never told him my name. 

I figured Cooper must have told him as we began to leave the club. The air outside was cool, but not too cold. It felt good after being inside the hot building.

"Hey, I'm going over Bryson's tonight you want a ride to get dropped home or you going to take an uber?" Cari asked as we walked across the street.

"Um, I'll just-"

"I'll take her home." Calen spoke up with his hands in his front pocket standing there. Cooper dapped him up getting in Bryson's car since they were roommates.

"Basketball tomorrow nigga." Cooper yelled from the window at Calen.

"Yeah." He yelled back, and then looked over at me an obvious sexual glare in his eyes. 

He licked over his bottom lip smiling at me. 

I turned back to Cari as she leaned up against the open passenger door.

"I don't even know him Cari." I whispered to her.

"He's harmless Dae." She looked at me with scrunched up eyebrows, but she didn't know what happened at the bar. 

Taking a deep breath I decided to just get a ride and trust in Cari's words. I mean I did make out with the guy before even knowing him.

"Alright good nite." I mumbled, she nodded hugging me.

"We'll talk in the morning babe." She yelled getting in Bryson's car and then he sped off. 

I turned around seeing that Calen was walking down the street in the opposite direction.

"Wait!" I yelled calling after him, walking faster. He stopped at an all red Porsche turning around while he chirped the car and began to open the passenger door for me. 

It was like he assented the car or the other way around. I was hesitant at first but knew I honestly needed to save as much money as possible.

"You coming or naw?" He asked with an mischievous smirk on his face at me, "Always can still call a damn uber."

Whatever.

~~

Thanks For Reading!😍

[shirohige-pirates]

Just Like Fire

CisFem Reader x Portgas D. Ace

CW: angst, language, erotic, violence, serial killer, stalking, poisoning, over-bearing controlling parents, attempted forced marriage, possible dub-con, Munchausen by proxy (aka Factitious Disorder), wildly cute and fluffy despite the warnings. 18+ only

Summary: You're Sabo's biological sister in this AU. After college you moved in with your dear brother and his two sworn brothers in order to avoid going back home. You and Sabo despise your family equally.

Chapter 16: Diagnostic

The rest of the day with Ace went by comfortably. You two watched a movie together, snuggled together on the couch. You talked a little bit more, here and there, sometimes about the movie, sometimes about nothing at all. Ace took care of a couple chores while you got lunch together, and afterward you sat nearby and read while he played a video game.

It was nice to simply exist with him, exchanging the occasional shy smile. Eventually you had your ankles on his thigh, and he’d put a hand on them during a lull in the game. You were grateful for the size of the book you were reading so you could keep your composure a little easier as the afternoon carried on.

Eventually Luffy came home, with Marco in tow. You exchanged greetings, and started making dinner while the three sat in the kitchen and talked with you.

“Law said he’ll be here at 6.” Marco explains as you slide a cup of tea in front of him. “Oh thank you. You’ll make someone quite the wife, (Y/N).” He says it with a smile, and your face turns red. You can’t stop yourself from looking over at Ace, who already has his hat pulled down low.

“Oh.” Marco says softly, smiling to himself.

You clear your throat a little. “Is there anything you prefer to eat?” You question.

Marco shakes his head. “I enjoy pineapple, but I’m not picky.”

“You are a pineapple.” Ace grumps.

“Watch it, brat, or I’ll show no mercy.” Marco warns, taking a sip of tea.

You chuckle at their banter and start to make stir fry for the night. It was quick to cook, but the setup and prep took a bit of time. Enough to give Sabo and Law a chance to join all of you.

While you worked, Marco told you about his curse.

“What do you know about curses?” He asks. “Do they teach the classifications to everyone?”

You nod. “Nobles, at least. There’s Paramecia, Zoan, and Logia, right? Logia can control and become an element, Zoan can turn into something else, and Paramecia is kind of a catch all for otherwise hard to classify cases.”

“Pretty much that, yes.” Marco says. “I’m a Zoan type. I can turn into a Phoenix.”

“Wait – you’re Marco the Phoenix?!” You question turning to face him. Marco smiles and nods. “Oh, haha, you were a bit of a hero to me when I was younger.”

“Oh?”

You laugh again as go back to work while you continue. “My father really hates you. I had no idea what you looked like, but he would complain about you, and someone named Edward Newgate all the time.”

“Hah, that’s Pops’ name!” Ace says proudly.

Your eyes go wide, and you come over to the breakfast bar, beaming at Marco. “Wait, is it true he picked up a firetruck and carried it?”

Marco laughs, but he’s nodding his head. “It’s true, yoi. It’s probably what upset your father. He didn’t carry it alone, but he definitely left the biggest impression on the News network.”

“Why’d he have to carry it?”

“Regulation change.” Marco says. “They decided to classify Firetrucks as needing a special license to operate. Which, it was just a political move to try and tank the central station, they already required additional training and certification to drive, yoi.

“They made the change at 4:53pm on a Friday, and sure enough that weekend saw a lot of little nuisance fires. It was all hands on deck as we took care of them, using our abilities, pulling in all the reserves and volunteers. That Sunday afternoon a huge fire broke out. We needed the truck. If we drove it without the proper license though, they would’ve used it against Pops.” Marco explains.

“So, he carried it.” You grin.

“Aye. After a display like that, the whole ordeal was settled.”

“Why the scuffle in the first place?”

Marco tilts his head a little, and it’s Ace who answers. “Cause they were successful and cursed.”

“Oh.” You lower your head. “Sorry.”

“Nothing for you to apologize for, girl.” Marco says.

You return to cooking. Sabo comes home and shortly after him, Law arrives. The chatter goes in one ear and out the other for you as you work. Your mind’s still on the earlier conversation. The chatter dies down when you get to cooking.

Stir fry goes fast and can be a bit of a spectacle to watch. Ace gives you a hand, passing ingredients as it builds, and eventually takes over the wok when you start to tire. He shows off a little, putting his hand into the stove flame and really bringing up the heat at the end of it.

The meal is set in the middle of the table and portioned out.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” You ask, once everyone’s been served, or served themselves.

“First a scan.” Law explains. “If there’s nothing unexpected, I want to remove everything that’s still left.”

“I thought that was risky?” Ace chimes in.

“It’s exponentially safer with Marco assisting.” Law promises.

“What did Chopper discover about the new medication?” Sabo questions.

Law’s silent for a second, and sighs. “Same level of suppressant, just less of the poisons.”

“It’s alright,” you say with a bitter smile. “That’s what I expected.”

“We… also found someone willing to take the medication.” Law’s eyes are on you as he continues carefully. “Miss (Y/N), you are, without a doubt, cursed.”

“Someone willingly took poison?” Sabo questions in shock.

“Zaggy.” Luffy says between mouthfuls of food.

“Oh.”

“You okay?” Ace asks you, and the whole table turns to you.

“Yeah… I mean, I figured. I’m just… conflicted.”

“I bet.” Marco says. “Nobles don’t usually keep cursed children.”

“Whaddya mean?” Luffy asks, and his attention is pulled away from the food in front of him.

“Well, according to the common knowledge, Nobles and such can’t have cursed children. They’re above all that.” Marco says it nonchalantly, but there’s an edge in his voice despite his efforts. “Families often kill, or abandoned their children when one’s born with a curse.”

“Are you saying what… our parents did… was a mercy?” Sabo questions. His voice is shaking, and his fists are clenched.

“No. What I’m saying is that what your parents did was a choice, and what they chose wasn’t anything that killed (Y/N).” Marco says. “They had a lot of options that were easier than what they chose, but why they made those decisions is irrelevant.”

You and Sabo look at Marco.

“The facts are still facts. They could’ve provided the supplement medication truthfully, and untainted. They could’ve done what the Donquixotes did almost fifty years ago, much to their sons’ chagrin.” Marco says. “They were the first Celestials in memory to step down. Both their sons were born cursed.”

“I’ve never read anything about that.” You admit.

“They don’t record something like that.” Law answers. “Aside from the people involved, no one else would know.”

“How do you two know?” Ace asks.

“Rosinante saved my life.” Law answers.

“Doflamingo, well, most of you know that name.” Marco says.

“Wait, the King of Dressrosa that was dethroned and imprisoned three years ago?” You question, mouth wide.

“False king.” Law, Marco and Luffy all say in unison.

“Ah, lil’ spark, it’s good you’re sitting down.” Sabo says. “I would like to preface this with the fact that there hasn’t been a lot of time to catch you up on everything that’s happened since I left.”

“YOU WERE INVOLVED?” You nearly bellow the question.

“Aside from you and me, everyone at this table was.” Marco says.

You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say, but you can’t seem to remember what words are.

“We are, obviously, all okay.” Sabo offers hesitantly.

“One life-altering focus at a time.” Law grumbles. “The past is irrelevant right now. Marco and I are here, and you understand the possibilities. Focus on that.”

“Ah… y-yeah.” You agree, sitting back a little. You couldn’t help but think about some of the conversations you’d had with Sabo, and you were starting to realize how practical his position was. Not theoretical. Not fanciful. Not just for the benefit of the two of you.

After everyone ate, it was decided everything would be done down in the basement. Marco’s curse was a tightly guarded secret, and so he didn’t use it in public unless it was a matter of life and death. The house itself was secure, but the basement was even more so.

Law puts his hand out, and the now familiar blue shift permeates the basement area. You’re lying on a coffee table between him and Marco.

“I feel like I’m being ritualistically sacrificed.” You muse.

“It’s not too much of a stretch.” Marco admits with a smile. “This is probably going to feel a little like a rebirth.”

You breathe deep in through your nose and slowly out your mouth a few times.

“Nervous?” Marco asks.

You nod. “A little bit.”

“Oi, Ace, come hold your girl’s hand.” Marco says.

Flames licked around Ace but he stepped over to you and knelt down, taking your hand in his. Seeing you cover your face with your other hand gave him some of his confidence back and he was smirking at you by the time you looked at him again.

“If we tell you to move, do so as fast as possible.” Law says to Ace. “A little burn will be the least of our concerns if we need you to move, understand?”

“Yes.” Ace says, turning away from Law and looking back to you.

The process began, and lasted nearly an hour. You weren’t sure exactly everything that was done, but Law and Marco communicated efficiently. You could feel parts of your body moving without the other parts that would usually need to move with them. Ace put a hand over your eyes as he held onto your hand, asking you if you wanted to know what was going on or not.

When you shook your head, and again to answer that it didn’t hurt, it was just weird, he started talking about movies to you. He talked about the one you’d watched that afternoon, who was in it, what other movies they were in that were better – or worse – and what he wanted to watch with you later. Law and Marco’s conversation became a backdrop to the steady, almost whispered words, muttering random movie facts and trivia into your ear.

“You don’t have to leave, Ace-ya.” Law says, “but I need her hand and head to finish this.”

Ace lets go of your hand and puts his hands on your shoulders, after he moves out of the way of Law and Marco. “Keep your eyes closed, (Y/N).” He says to you. “I’m still here.”

“Hold still.” Law says, after you had nodded to Ace’s voice.

You stilled, and Ace kept talking to you. “You’re doing great. They’re almost done. As soon as we can, we’ll take you on a proper camping trip. Full long weekend. Before that, or after it, we’ll go on that first date. I’ll even go see one of those fancy foreign romance movies if you want, but I was thinking more like a carnival. You can hold my hand on the roller coaster, and I’ll win one of those cheap toys for you from a rigged booth, and we’ll eat food with way too much grease and breading.”

Another moment passes in silence, and then Ace squeezes your shoulders. “You can look now.”

Law already has the look on his face he always has when he’s scanning you as you open your eyes.

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“… Good. A little tired.”

“That might be me.” Marco says. “I can heal people, but sometimes it wears them out.”

“Ace-ya, help her sit up.” Law requests. “Let me know if you feel dizzy or sick.”

Ace and Marco both give you a hand sitting up on the coffee table. You stretch and move and give everyone a smile.

“I feel good. I feel tired, but it feels really different. Like, I don’t know. It feels cleaner.” You try to explain.

“I can’t find anything left in your system either. A trace here or there, but nothing that should be affecting you.” Law says as the blue-tint fades. He takes a step back himself and sits down on the couch heavily. He looks far more exhausted than you, and he’s broken into a sweat.

He puts a tattooed hand up before you can say anything. “I worked a full day and then did this, I’m just tired (Y/N)-ya, I’m okay. Congratulations, you’re not sick anymore.”

You put your arms up over your head. “I’m not sick anymore!” You say in mini celebration.

“I’m… actually, not that tired either.” You say after a moment. You stand up and Ace stands up with you. “Usually when I get excited about something I can feel it draining me, but I almost feel like I’m getting… less tired?”

You look around at the people in the room. “Do… do people get less tired without sleeping?”

Sabo steps up and hugs you. You can feel him tremble a little bit and you realize he’s crying, or trying not to. Ace and Luffy hug you too, and that’s the answer to your question. You hug them back, as best as you can, for a moment, before Marco breaks you all up.

“I know you’re all relieved, but give her some space, yoi.” He says pulling Sabo back with some effort. “(Y/N)’s curse is unknown. Sometimes they can be difficult to control. None of you want her to accidentally hurt someone while you’re celebrating.” Marco waves Ace and Luffy back a couple more steps before he regards you.

“You feel good, but pay attention to your body, yoi. Do you feel anything else?”

You consider it for a moment. Your heart thumps, and you could feel muscle and bone. You could feel your body without the pain, and it was a little surreal on its own. Your base sensation had been pain, the feelings of your bones and organs were accents, but now that was flipped on its head.

“Something feels… right?” You admit after a few long moments. “It’s not wrong, it’s not weird, but there’s something there.” Looking at your hand, you flex it a little and then suddenly your whole arm is a large, snow-white wing that extends so far out you nearly take out Luffy with it.

“My hand! My arm!” You exclaim, trying to take a step back from yourself.

“Wow, (Y/N)’s a Zoan!” Luffy exclaims.

“WHY IS MY ARM A WING?” You try not to screech the question, but you aren’t in control, and you want your arm back.

Marco puts a hand on each of your shoulders and grabs your gaze with his eyes. “Breathe, yoi. Breathe with me.” His voice is commanding, and it pulls you in. You follow him in breathing, and he smiles. “Like that. Just… think about your arm. You know it. Five fingers. You know the color of your skin, the little hairs, the marks no one else sees.”

As he’s talking the wing disappears and your arm returns. Marco pats your shoulders. “There you go, yoi. You’re a natural. Lucky for you, I’m also a Zoan type, and I’m more than happy to help you (Y/N).”

“Haa… ahh… ye-yeah.” You nod. “Yes. Um… tonight?”

“If you’re up for it, I have time to spare tonight.” Marco says with a smile.

“I, however, do not.” Law says standing up. “Miss (Y/N)-ya it has been my pleasure.”

“Ah, yes, mine as well, thank you doctor.” You say, giving his hand a shake. “What do I owe you?”

Law tilts his head a little. “I believe you’ve fed me twice now, besides, I only charge nobles and such. As a cursed, you aren’t one.”

[webslingingslasher]

okay, so for some context, i'm a freshman in college and he's a sophomore. we're both in band and we were in a play together. i play trombone and he is a field commander (if you don't know what that is, it's basically a person who stands on a podium when we play and conducts, they also lead the band when we march)

-during a rehearsal for the play, we had some downtime and the director let people leave while she worked with some other people. i decided to stick around cause i didn't feel like wasting gas, but he went with one of his friends to go get food. i was sitting at the back of the theatre by myself on my phone, completely oblivious to my surroundings and he walks by and says hi. not a big deal. i felt bad cause he said it in passing and i didn't respond cause by the time i processed it he had already walked away

-i missed a rehearsal and the director wanted to review some blocking and he realized i was confused. im not friends with many people that were in the show and i get uncomfortable asking for help. he said "i got you" and he went over everything with me

-when band camp started, that's when my feelings really started to dig in. i wore sunglasses a lot so i would look at him without turning my head and frequently (especially when we were on the field going through sets) i'd see him looking in my direction. sometimes he had sunglasses on though so i can't tell for sure if he was looking at me

-to back up the last point, during the last game i put on sunglasses and looked at him almost the whole time while we were in the stands. he wasn't wearing his sunglasses because he was down below and the box blocked the sun, and i kept seeing him look at me and at one point we literally made eye contact for a solid 30 seconds (idk if he knew we were making eye contact or not)

-also we're both in orchestra and sometimes i'll glance at him and see him looking at me

-we were walking over to the field to get ready for halftime and he walked right next to me the whole time, but he didn't talk to me

-my section (low brass) has our own shirts, and our names our on the back. we were hanging out before getting ready for a game, and he walked up to my section leader who was wearing the shirt and started to trace our names with his finger. when he got to my name, he stopped and stroked my section leader's back

-during band camp and band rehearsals, we sometimes split off into sectionals (where you go and practice your songs with your section) and he almost always comes and hangs out with us when he's supposed to walk around and check on all of the sections

-one day in sectionals he had this thing he wanted the trombones to add in to our fight song (i don't remember what it was) and he asked to borrow someone's sheet music and i gave him mine. he flipped through my flip folder and complimented me for having all of my music in order. a bit later, he was struggling to find a video of what he wanted us to add and he apologized specifically to me, nobody else

-i was auditioning for the fall play and as i was walking out to wait for my next reading, he walked in and said good luck to me. just me. even though he was friends with the other people that were in my group.

i think it's worth mentioning that there's this one girl who plays clarinet and is a junior that he's close with but idk if they're dating or just friends. this is her first year in band and she said that she joined because of him. may or may not have stalked both of their instagrams to see if they were dating... didn't see any signs of it but that doesn't mean anything

also i'm so sorry for making this so long

POINT SEVEN GAVE ME FUCKING GOOSEBUMPS.

I WAS LIKE "HMM, IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S FEELING YOU OUT FOR SURE AND TRYING TO GAUGE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM." BUT POINT SEVEN???? THE NAME???? GOODBYEEEEEE CONFIRMED!!!!!!! GET UR MAN BITCH. GET HIM B4 SQUIDWARD HOPS ON IT!!!!

[nabtime]

Our Empty Graves XIII

Fandom: Danny Phantom / Batman: Under the Red Hood

Pairings: Danny Fenton/Jason Todd (Dead on Main)

Rating: Mature

Tags: batfamily, hazmat AU, Nobody Knows AU, Mute!Phantom, potential ghost king danny, slow burn?, DC means Disregard Canon, AU means AU nothing is exactly the same, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, more than canon typical violence, danny is a Halfa and also a Fetch, no beta we die like basically everyone

Summary: They say that Red Hood has a loyal mutt. The man rules his territory in Crime Alley with an iron fist and a guard dog at his side. They say that Hood calls him Fetch, sometimes Fetcher. No one's ever heard him speak. Anyone who's ever seen him says he looks like an experiment gone wrong, that Hood picked him up somewhere unspeakable. They say he'll do anything Red Hood asks of him and he'll do it well. That he's strong and fast and probably inhuman. The girls say he's sweet; quiet but charming in his own way. Rival gangs say he's vicious; that he'd sooner rip your throat out than let you go.

Jason just wants to help him.

Chapter 13: fix my head stitch my soul (find out where it all went wrong)

Chapter Summary: The boys take a nap together and Jason is in denial about needing to have feelings.

Chapter Notes: title from Skeleton by Set It Off Links: AO3 // Chapter 1 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 14 // Spotify

Jack Fenton was a big man with even bigger feelings.

When Jack felt things, he felt them strongly and deeply. When he saw a ghost for the first time, at age ten, he’d felt fear and awe down to his bones. It’d been a small haunting- just a glimpse of an apparition- but it’d been enough to launch a lifelong obsession. He’d fallen hard and fast into a world he didn’t think existed. He’d torn through any books he could find on ghosts and spirits and mediumship. On the afterlife. On the divine. How to find them. How to hunt them. His father had hated it all, called it blasphemous. And his mother had only ever been afraid.

But he had never let that stop him. The awe and the enthusiasm for learning had never waned, had instead filled him up so much that he felt that if he didn’t indulge and continue his research, he’d explode from the force of it.

And then he’d gone to college, bright eyed and naive. He’d been ridiculed at first- for his ideas, for his passion, for his insane beliefs. What self-respecting college freshman told people he believed in ghosts? He’d felt alone and adrift. He thought he’d never be taken seriously. And then he’d met Vlad and Maddie. And he’d never felt so accepted. Maddie had encouraged him to look to the scientific side of spirits. Vlad himself had been skeptical, but willing enough to play along and suggest new avenues to explore.

Four years they spent together. Four long years of friendship and delving into the paranormal together. Of coming up with their greatest invention. A melding of the supernatural and the scientific. A portal. Fueled by ectoplasm that he’d been able to sample off a physical medium during a séance. The only vial he’d ever been able to collect and keep stable.

And then the accident happened and they lost Vlad. Quarantined for years on end with no visitation allowed. And he’d been devastated and wracked with guilt.

But then he fell in love with Maddie- right out of post-grad, and he fell hard and strong and hadn’t stopped loving her since. Despite everything. Despite the nagging fear and uneasiness. Despite the cruelty he had seen her capable of firsthand. He still loved her.

Jack Fenton was a big man with big feelings. But the vastness of his guilt and grief over the loss ( disappearance? ) of his son was bigger than any feeling he’d ever had before.

They killed him- their son. Regardless of anything else about the situation ( was he a ghost? Was he possessed? Is he gone forever because of the accident or did they drive him away? ) they had killed him. Jack’s precious boy- his little son with nothing but the stars in his eyes and model rockets in his hands. Fourteen and already striving for a far off dream. A dream that would never come to fruition.

And they killed him.

Always, always that damn portal. First it put Vladdie in the hospital- quarantined and locked away for years on end, and then it took Danny down too- throwing around scary words like hypothermia and arrhythmia and neuropathy and shorter life-expectancy . They should have known better. They should have used more caution, been more careful. Not been so goddamn stupid!

The kids had never been particularly interested in the lab before, especially as they got older and Jack and Maddie’s work went from cool science to embarrassing crazy talk in their eyes. But they shouldn’t have gotten so lax. Should have still kept the lab locked up like they used to. Should have been more careful with the cables and wires and every single hazard down there. Either they’d killed him directly with their negligence or indirectly by creating the hole from which whatever demon took their son could crawl from. He couldn’t look at the damned portal without feeling sick now.

And the worst part of it was, Jack didn’t know what had actually taken his son from him. Had the accident killed him and they just didn’t know? Could a ghost even fake being human to that extent? Had another ghost entirely come through the portal and possessed him in the moment the portal opened? Or even later? Was there anything left of Danny? Or had Danny even left at all?

Jack knew about Maddie’s theory. She could try to hide it from him all she wanted, but he knew her better than anyone. He may be forgetful and oftentimes careless, but he wasn’t completely oblivious to reality. He’d come to a few conclusions on his own, after all.

Danny, and his death or disappearance, was inexplicably tied to Phantom.

What they didn’t know was how . Did Danny die in the accident, either instantly and with the ability to mask his ghostliness during his hospital stay somehow- or afterwards in a slow and agonizing march towards death, and Phantom was his ghost? Was Phantom a separate entity entirely that slowly took over Danny’s life and posses him? Was Danny still alive in there? Was he conscious?...Was he gone? Was there any saving him? If they tore Phantom apart would they find anything of Danny underneath or would they be killing what little was left of their son on this earth?

He’d put the date of Danny’s accident, the day the portal first opened its yawning, dangerous mouth, on his headstone. Claiming that as his date of death- claiming that whatever was left of Danny afterwards wasn’t real. Wasn’t him. He and Jazz were the only ones to be involved with planning the funeral. He was the one to choose the date. It had been the first time he’d come close to admitting that he was the one to kill his son. It had been the first time he’d gotten so filled with doubt. The first time he’d realized that no matter his expertise, no matter his experience in the science of ghosts and the afterlife- he didn’t have any answers. Didn’t have a single clue what could have happened to his son, what could have saved him, would could still save him even now- if there was anything left.

Maddie seemed to think that the answer was simple. That what was happening was straightforward- if sinister. She believed that Phantom was holding their son hostage. That either Danny was being jailed by the ghost and if only they could eliminate Phantom then he could be free and they’d have their boy back, or that Phantom had killed their boy and walked in his skin and it was their duty to tear the ghost apart in order to give Danny peace.

In either case, it meant Ending Phantom. Ripping him asunder until there was nothing left.

Jack wasn’t so sure. He didn’t know what to think. Didn’t know what to believe about what really happened to their son. But the fear that hurting Phantom would hurt Danny stayed his hand, kept him back from leaping to conclusions. Kept him from being as ruthlessly devoted to vengeance as Maddie was becoming. Jack wasn’t one to hesitate, but they’d already been careless enough with Danny’s life- he wasn’t about to rush in with guns blazing when he couldn’t be certain, down to his bones, that doing so wouldn’t make things worse. Wouldn’t be the final nail in the casket they’d already buried.

Ghosts couldn’t feel things, didn’t have consciousness the way humans had- Jack knew this. They were only things made of leftover feelings and instinct. Like a feral animal. Like something less than a feral animal. A human soul- but poisoned and diminished- following nothing but some instinctual obsession like a rabid beast. Mindless and ill. They could talk and communicate and scream . But there wasn’t anything actually there.

They couldn’t feel pain. Not in any way that mattered. Jack knew this. It’d been a cornerstone understanding of their research for decades now. There were no nerves to feel it. There was no brain to process it. There were no synapses, no neural activity, no brainwaves. Nothing but stray bits of electrical pulses suspended in goo, mimicking sentience by coincidence.

“Like monkey’s with typewriters,” Maddie had proposed once. “Any coherence in their speech is coincidental. They babble enough for long enough and they eventually stumble on something that we think makes sense. But that doesn’t mean they know what they’re saying. Like parrots at best.”

Jack was starting to doubt this, though. What was the brain if not electrical impulses running throughout a hunk of meat? Yes, that was a gross oversimplification, but still. Who were they to say that they weren’t oversimplifying as well? When had they become the experts? When had their inquiries become certainty? When had their experiments gone from questions to weapons?

They weren’t scientists. Not anymore. Not for a long time. They’d long since slipped down the path from science to hunting . Trapping. Hurting. Killing .

What Maddie had agreed to do for the GIW went far beyond science. It was needlessly cruel. She claimed it was all to know more. To learn more about ghosts. What made them tick. What they could do to fight them . What, exactly, it took to End them . To find out about Phantom’s whereabouts. Her methods of trying to glean information were akin to torture . He’d seen her squeeze the afterlife out of so many ghosts, with her bare hands, and a rage unlike anything he’d ever witnessed before in her eyes. So much ectoplasm ( blood ). So much screaming.

How could he believe that they only mimicking when all they ever did was beg for mercy?

Jack was not a strong enough man to help her. He also wasn’t a strong enough man to stop her, either. He didn’t like what she was doing. Didn’t like the sort of person this was all turning her into. But he refused to stand in her way. He had no doubt that even if he did, she’d continue on her crusade regardless. And then where would she be?

So he sat back, something he thought he’d never do, and watched as his wife- the absolute love of his life, ran full tilt down a path she would never be able to come back from. Blood soaking deeper into her hands as she did.

And then they got a call that did nothing but make him nauseous.

Jack Fenton was a big man with even bigger feelings.

And he’d never felt a colder fear than he had when he witnessed the glint in his wife’s eyes when she ended it and whispered.

“Found you.”

═════ ◈ ═════

Jason didn’t really know what to make of Fetcher. His self-appointed caretaker.

The man could match him for stubbornness- that he could tell. How he managed to thwart every single attempt at escape he’d made so far was beyond him. Jason figured it had something to do with being a ghost but it also wouldn’t surprise him if it was just Fetcher’s sheer force of will. He might just outmatch Alfred with his ability to mother-hen Jason into compliance. Not to mention he’d mastered his own Disappointed Stare that Jason hated . And the puppy dog eyes! No being in the world should have that much power. They were deadly.

He didn’t know what to do with it all. The softness. The gentle caring. The genuine concern for his well-being. The amount of effort Fetcher put in to making sure he was okay. It was overwhelming. He hadn’t felt like this in- well, maybe never. Catherine had cared when she could. And Alfred had tried his hardest to make him feel welcome. But it had always felt conditional. Catherine only cared when she was sober. Alfred only tried because Jason was Bruce’s newest ward- like it wasn’t something he’d do if it wasn’t his job. And Bruce- that was a whole can of worms he refused to open.

But Fetcher… Well, his Jellyfish really knew how to bully him into compliance. And he’d do it in such a way that Jason didn’t even mind all that much, which felt like the real miracle, honestly. There was just something so genuine about the guy. Like, despite everything- despite how much of an irredeemable asshole he was- Fetcher actually- somehow- cared . Cared about his well-being, cared about his safety, cared about his feelings for fuck’s sake. No one should care about his feelings. They weren’t important. His health? Sure. He couldn’t do his job- before as Robin and now as Red Hood- if he was too injured. Couldn’t let him be a liability. But this guy, this ghost of all things, cared because it was Jason that was injured, not his persona.

It scared him. Just a bit. Because damn if he couldn’t get used to this. And damn if he didn’t care about Fetcher just as much. Teaching him how to cook different things just so he could lean over the shorter man’s shoulder and direct him. To be close. Feigning fatigue from his meds and settling on the couch just so Fetcher would sit near him and keep him quiet company in the middle of the day. Asking for help with his clothes so Fetcher would put his cold, cold hands on his hips again…

He was plunging to the bottom of a slope he couldn’t afford to fall down in the first place. He didn’t have time for this. Didn’t have time for feelings . He had a mission. He had a plan. There was no time for detours. No time for softness or indulgence. Those kinds of things weren’t meant for him. He wasn’t allowed such kindnesses. He was not made for mercy.

So, why then, did he find himself curled up on his shitty couch with Fetcher lounging across his chest and the both of them purring .

It was another day that he’d claimed to be too tired to function from his pain meds. Which wasn’t a total lie, but it was definitely an exaggerated one. He felt heavy and drowsy- but the alternative was pain lacing through every inch of his body and keeping him completely immobile. He could work through it, had done it plenty of times- both the pain and the drowsiness. But it felt nice to not have to for once. He stacked up a lot of injuries in his days as Robin and then even more when he was training with Talia and all the experts she’d found. He was riddled with chronic pain from them all. Not to mention all the damage dying had done. His body had definitely not taken too kindly to that. If anyone could relate to that though, he figured it might be Fetcher.

It was raining heavily outside, thunder rumbling across the sky and raindrops lashing against the reinforced glass of his windows. It made his bones ache, but it sounded nice. It melded well with the soft jazz filtering in through his crackly radio and the contented rumbling radiating from the both of them. It all felt absurdly domestic.

They were both trapped under the weight of one of Mrs. Almieda’s blankets, the knit of it chunky and warm. And they were both pleasantly full from another meal they’d managed to make together- pierogi’s from Ms. Bajorek’s recipe. He’d taken to having Fetch or another one of his crew grab more groceries for them both now that they’d found a way to make homemade meals. Maybe he could get his ghost boy to eat something other than take-out and processed junk now. He knew the other barely ate anything as it was- so he was going to make sure that what he did eat was good for him at least. If he was going to make Jason eat regular meals then he was going to get the same treatment, dammit.

Fetcher’s purring was starting to taper off, wavering softly until he huffed and it picked back up again. Only to drop off as his breathing slowed a few minutes later. He was fighting sleep like a kitten and it was adorable.

“You good, Jellyfish?” he murmured into the ghost’s hair, the wispy fog of it curling under his chin.

It was quickly starting to become a regular sight to see the ghost without his suit, just lounging about the apartment in what Jason liked to think of as his civvies. Strangely enough he had to continue to take off the suit? Apparently it would just- reform around his body after a while. It also turned into goop after awhile. Then the goop would disappear and the suit would reform. It was strange as all hell but he wasn’t about to question it. He was just going to enjoy seeing Fetch in all his ethereal glory, relaxed and content for once. Honestly it was a little distracting most of the time, but its not like he had anything important to focus on anyway, so it was fine.

He got a whine and three taps against his chest in response to his question. Three taps, part of the radio code they’d come up with what felt like forever ago- something Fetcher only used when he was feeling particularly lazy with responding. ( Yes.)

“Are we just going to have nap time then?” he asked, more to tease the other than anything.

He wouldn’t say no to another easy day just languishing on the couch with company. He knew these days were soon to end, and as much as he was itching to get back out into the Alley, he was going to relish these moments when he could. He wasn’t likely to find them again once they were gone.

Three slow taps against his chest and what felt like a yawn. ( Yes.)

Jason let a smile curl on his lips and relaxed back down into his couch. He liked the slightly chilled weight of Fetcher lounging against his chest, the feeling of it grounding and cool to his usually overheated skin. Ever since he’d crawled from the Pits he’d felt overly hot. Burning, constantly burning. It made him quicker to anger, more annoyed and ready to lash out. He hated the heat like this, where it was permanently stuck under his skin. Fetcher’s ghostly touch seemed to be about the only thing that soothed it.

It also wasn’t a coincidence that they ended up- cuddling for lack of a better word, like this. It had started out as a ploy to get the ghost to sleep. He knew the other could sleep and had seen the ghost running himself ragged in first few days avoiding it. He could deny needing it all he wanted but Jason knew better. He didn’t float as much, didn’t glow as bright, and didn’t talk with his hands with as much enthusiasm as Jason was used to. And then when he’d confronted him about it- he felt guilty. Because once Fetcher had admitted that he needed sleep, he also admitted that the reason he was avoiding it was because he was afraid Jason would try to sneak out while he was down. Which- well, he hadn’t been entirely wrong. He had planned on climbing out his bedroom window once he knew the other was asleep on the couch.

So they compromised. Fetcher would get his sleep and be able to rest knowing that there was no way for Jason to sneak out without waking him. It helped that Jason would often drift off with him. More comfortable than he ever thought possible with another being curled up on his chest. He’d also long since gotten used to the purring, enjoying the soft rumble they both emitted when they laid like this. He refused to think any deeper on what it meant.

Slowly, gently, he slipped into sleep himself.

It was warm and it was dark.

His body, and for some reason having a body came as a shock to him, was stiff and cold but the air around him- on top of him, swaddling him- felt uncomfortably warm. And then a heat, searing and unrelenting and burning everything burning, surged through him from the roots of his hair down to the ends of his toes. Everything was fire. Everything was black. He was choking on nothing and his nerves were coming to life within his body, only to strangle him.

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe and he needed to get out .

And he moved his hands- he could move his hands - and felt the small soft space he was enclosed in. Padded and solid and too small- too, too small. He kicked his feet- he could kick his feet- and was met with the same awful padding. He opened his eyes- he could open his eyes - and there was nothing- nothing but a dark, dark void. All there was was stagnant air, darkness, and the sound of his own labored breathing. Nothing else. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

He clawed at the ceiling. He ripped the padding to shreds until he was met with wood, nails digging and scratching with increasing desperation- gaining splinters that he barely noticed. He needed out . The burning wasn’t stopping. He still couldn’t breathe. The burning fire in his veins was going to devour him whole. The air was thinner and thinner and the walls were starting to close in on him.

Everything hurt. Everything burned.

He needed to think, but he couldn’t. He needed to breathe, but he couldn’t. He needed out, but he couldn’t get there .

He could feel blood. Probably blood. Dripping down from his ragged fingers. He was going to break his hands if he kept stuggling to rip through the wood above him. He didn’t care. He needed to get out. He wasn’t going to. He was going to stay trapped in this terrible burning box forever. Forever stuck, forever on fire, forever choking on nothing but fetid darkness.

“Use your belt-buckle, Jaylad,” a voice within his mind whispered to him. “Use it to break through the wood.”

He didn’t question where the voice came from, who the voice belonged to, or how it knew he was wearing a belt when he himself hadn’t been aware of it before it spoke.

He cared only about ripping the belt from its loops and fumbling with the metal buckle until he could use it to chip away at the wood, finally making progress. His relief at breaking through was short lived, however, when clumps of dirt showered down onto his face.

He choked and gagged and spat the dirt out but he still couldn’t breathe .

He clawed through the dirt, the fire still burning, burning, burning all through his body and his lungs screaming the entire time. And it was taking an eternity and his hands were bleeding and breaking and throbbing and he was going to die here and-

Jason woke with a gasp and a jerk, nearly dislodging the body still draped over his chest with the force of it. He’d definitely woke the other though, who carefully lifted his weight from Jason by hovering up and away- not enough to be out of reach, but enough to give him room to breathe.

He needed it. He needed to feel the air in his lungs and see the soft glow of Fetcher’s light around him. To remember he wasn’t still buried in his grave. To remember that he’d made it out. He wasn’t still trapped.

It wasn’t often that he had nightmares about digging himself out of his own grave. That time and much of the days-weeks-months after that were all a blur. Incoherent. He’d been blind to everything happening to him, only vaguely aware of the sounds and sensations of the world. Everything except pain and the burning. The constant, constant burning. It had only been after his dip in the Pit that he’d been brought back to the surface and the fire slaked down to soft embers; still hot- too hot, but no longer a distracting inferno.

He felt cold hands tap at his cheeks, fingertips just barely brushing the skin. A question. Asking for permission. He leaned into the touch and let out a relieved sigh as the chill from Fetcher’s hands brought down the heat, soothing and cool like an ice pack on fever-hot skin. He felt the tap of an index finger under his chin; another question. He opened his eyes to find a concerned green gaze trained on him, his little ghost still floating carefully just above him.

“I’m fine, Spooks,” he said, voice rough with interrupted sleep, “just a bad dream.”

He shifted to sit up on the couch better, might as well shake off fatigue for now- it was almost dinner time from what he could tell of the slant and color of the sun through the windows. The rain had let up then, too.

He groaned as he heaved himself up without using his hands, the broken bones there aching more than usual from the aftershocks of his nightmare. Everything ached more after a nightmare. He managed to shuffle himself into a sitting position, socked feet dropping to the creaky hardwood as he leaned his weight into his elbows propped up on his knees. Fetch shifted until he was ‘standing’ in front of him, ghostly soles barely brushing the floor and cool hands coming to rest on his shoulders.

Jason glared down at his useless hands. Broken, beaten, bruised. They were never enough. Not enough to stop the Joker from beating him, twice . Not enough to dig him out of his own grave. Not enough to save his mother. Not enough to save anyone . Always falling short. Always breaking when he needed them. Always losing grip on the things that mattered most.

Fetcher shifted to card his fingers through Jason’s sweat soaked hair with one hand and tilted Jason’s head up by the jaw with the other. Exceedingly gentle, unbearably soft. Fetcher searched his eyes, patient and curious, but he didn’t move to mime any questions- just waited for Jason to speak on his own. Calm and cool and beautiful.

“I-,” he started, stopped, voice faltering in the face of his fuzzy memories. “I woke up in my casket. When I first came back.”

He paused, taking a deep breath and savoring the feeling of air filling his lungs and expanding his chest. They hadn’t really talked about his death or his resurrection before, not since that first conversation. It was something sort of always on the back-burner between them. Fetcher didn’t ask any more about his situation and he didn’t ask about Fetcher’s. But he still had- so many questions.

“I don’t know how I came back. I don’t know why. Why am I here? Why me? Why did I get to come back and not-”

Fetcher shuffled closer, pressing his legs in between Jason’s and forcing him to sit up from where he’d curled in on himself. Gently, achingly gently, he pushed Jason until his back was up against the couch and Fetcher was practically in his lap, cold hands coming back again to cradle his face in those softly glowing palms. His eyes, clear and green like the smoothest pieces of sea glass, bore into him and Jason could swear he almost heard the other speak. Not with any type of sound, but almost in his soul .

How. Why. You. he heard without hearing, whispers of wind and static shaping the words from within him, more feeling than any actual language . Never know. Just happy you here .

How much was this glowstick motherfucker gonna make him cry? He didn’t do tears. He was a murderer- many times over. He was a Crime Lord for fuck’s sake. He was raised trained by the most emotionally constipated man in the world! He was not gonna cry like a little bitch because some bioluminescent slimer gijinka pet his hair and said nice things to him!

“Asshole,” he muttered, ducking his head so the other wouldn’t see the stupid shine in his eyes. “Stop being so nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”

He meant it to be a joke- if a bad one, but there was just a bit too much of the truth in his words. Fetcher bopped him on the head, the motion so soft he barely felt it, but he could tell it was a reprimand.

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, leaning his head back until it was almost hanging off the back of the couch. Fetcher settled by slumping against his chest, arms stretching out on either side of Jason’s head and knees bracketing his hips. Spooks was literally just sitting in his lap now. That was fine. Totally fine. Everything was fine.

He almost felt like he had emotional whiplash from the amount of feelings he’d had in the last few minutes. He wasn’t supposed to feel things in the first place. Let alone all of… that. Started with a nightmare and panic and ended with a cute ghost boy in his lap and the funny things that was doing to his heart.

Fuck. Alright.

Jason moved his hands- to do what, he didn’t know- and winced at the deep ache that throbbed through them. The pain medicine had definitely worn off, then. He let his arms fall limp at his sides and sighed in resignation. His mandatory vacation didn’t seem like it would ever end, and while it was nice to play house with Fetch- he still had work to do. He had a mission. He needed to set up the Alley with better resources and programs and- make the place a little less hostile to life. He needed to get it all done so it could run smoothly without his supervision, so that his work wouldn’t fall apart if when he disappeared.

And then he needed his answers from Bruce. From the Batman. From the Joker. He needed, more than anything, to know what Bruce would do when faced with the ultimatum. Would he rather stick to his stupid code and let the Joker run free to murder more and more innocent people at the expense of Jason’s life (again) ? Or would he surprise Jason and actually prove he cared? He doubted it, but he had to confirm it first. He needed to know .

Fetcher leaned to the side and shifted up, head resting on a now propped up arm, so he could look Jason in the eye. His other arm slid down until his hand was on Jason’s chest, settling just over his heart. His eyebrows scrunched in concern. He tapped on Jason’s chest twice ( help) and then drew a question mark there (help?) .

He sighed. “It’s just my hands, jellyfish,” he tried to soothe. “This isn’t the first time I’ve hurt them and that nightmare wanted to remind me of that.”

And fuck why would he say that when all it did was make the other sit up in alarm. That was the opposite of what he wanted. Why couldn’t they just go back to serenely napping on the couch and not worrying about anything?

Fetcher sat back, putting space between them Jason was already starting to mourn. Slowly, gently, he pulled Jason’s hands to rest between them, cradled in his own. His hands were broken, beaten, bruised, and fucked beyond repair. They were never meant to be held so sweetly. Fetcher stared down at them, a strangely guilty look on his face.

“I dug myself out,” Jason said to break the silence, hoping to distract Fetch from whatever was making him feel guilty of all things. “From the casket. It fucked my hands up for awhile, but they healed up just fine. Just like they’ll be fine this time. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

Fetcher shook his head, nodding down to where he cradled said hands, and gave Jason a look. They had both been there when Doc Leslie told him how badly his hands were injured. How they might never work the same. How he was lucky that he still had them at all. Jason looked away, avoiding that gaze and refusing to acknowledge the actual state of his injuries. It would be fine. Everything would be fine.

Eventually, Fetcher seemed to have made a decision and carefully let go of Jason’s hands before pulling out his little whiteboard. He must want to say something that was more complicated than pantomime could convey. He rarely needed the board with Jason, able to gesture his way through a conversation for the most part.

He flipped the board over and Jason’s breath caught.

I can fix them.

[omegaremix]

Vinyl Bay 777 shopping list, 2018.

I haven’t visited Plainview since the sordid community college days. It was when I set my best-friend Brandon up with Manzana, the girl I was set up with through one of my friends in senior year. We were over her house with some of her friends for what would be my final get-together there. It felt unusual because it was my only visit there during the community-college era and I already was far removed from everyone I was friends with, friends who helped make-then-break situations. Plainview was great for what it was worth until things started to decline.

Caboose, a former staffer of my time at Stony Brook Press, messaged me last year and announced he was a newly-enlisted music-phile. I never even thought anything else of him during our days at the Press. He then tipped me off of Vinyl Bay 777. Plainview now has a record store, but it came with a slight warning: it would be too pricey. I was meaning to go since hearing of it and it looked real good. Owned by artist and Italian chef Frank Napoli, he wanted his store to stand out and he’s succeeded. Everything of Vinyl Bay 777 looks great, a strong mission statement where everything is clean, graded accurately, and perfectly organized by alphabetical order and genre. It had a professionally-built website where it gave you part of a superbly-organized feel. It was also where I started feeling a slight crunch: I started to browse their inventory on their site and the average / median prices were set a little high. It’s not the whole story as it would take anyone hours to get a more accurate feel of what Vinyl Bay 777 had in store. It was still in the cards for me to visit any way to get the true picture.

All it took to get there was a drive down to the Long Island Expressway (L.I.E., not named after Ron Morelli’s label, regretably) and it was right off its’ closest exit. Located in an industrial area, you need to curve through some buildings to get to some tight parking lots. There it was with a double-mural painting of various iconic musicians in front of the store. I walk in and it did look amazing. It’s tight quarters, but no other record store was such efficient in space and pulled it off looing good. Rows and rows of vinyl. Even more under. Tables with crates of 12″ and 7″ on top of it. Rolling caddies of cassette bins. On the walls are collectible classic records. Shelves upon shelves of CDs. Close to any category you could think of with few exceptions, they have it. Look around and you’ll see some shelves of music-related books, documentaries, and live shows on DVD. More collectibles, vinyl records pinned to the ceiling, action figures, star-studded memorabilia, and Beanie Babies down below. At the front of the counter were magazines ranging from Boys Life to about four bins of Playboy. Hugh Hefner is turning over right now. So far, so good.

As I started browsing through the store, I slowly realized Caboose was right. The lowest common price of any title in the store was $5.77 with few lower exceptions. $7.77, $17.77, $25.77, $39.77, $12.77. Notice a pattern? They price after themselves. Inifinity Records has a few vinyl bins mixed with various titles for $2.76 and I don’t even know the significance of those numbers. It wasn’t the $__.77 that got to me, it was indeed the overall pricing. They priced their stock higher than any other store I seen. Records, cassettes, and discs priced for only a few dollars in other stores were priced two, three, even four times at Vinyl Bay. That went for most of their stock regardless, no artist or genre was treated differently. You could walk away with several hardcore and punk 45′s for a dollar or two somewhere else. Not Vinyl Bay. The entire small shelf of those 45′s were priced enough that it prevented me from taking some of it home. Cassettes were selling for mostly $5.77 to $7.77 where other places still selling them do so for a few dollars less. Ouch.

Even though I still felt the pinch, I still continued to walk through its stock. They had a great selection of jazz, rock, hip-hop, industrial, metal, the classics, and etcetera across all formats. I did have ideas of what I wanted to pick up, and that’s all that became of my visit. I couldn’t help but to hold back because I have had about 15 or 20 titles I wanted to buy, but Vinyl Bay 777′s pricing add up quickly in my head. There were no dollar bins as their grading system and overall aesthetic prevented it, which I do understand. Vinyl Bay 777 vied to be different and it does. It does so by offering a lot of rarites, obscure, and hard-to-find titles not found often and at high-quality. They don’t sell “Dean Martin, Barbra Streisand, Mitch Miller, Andy Williams or showtunes…big band, film scores, or soundtracks.” They sell top-notch titles. It’s for collectors, not for pick-up-and-go artists like myself. I can’t blame them.

It’s a shame, really, because they do have lots of great stuff and they do aim for quality. That’s something Vinyl Bay will bat all the way to home plate. I do understand if a store prices specific titles accordingly by rarity and condition here and there. Because Vinyl Bay is for connoiseurs. They do take their rarity and grading 100% which explains why the average threshold of pricing is higher than most stores. On my end, I didn’t feel any bit accessible. I shop to win, not shop for only one or two things.  I don’t shop according to grade or condition, I shop for quantity and value. I do have the money the spend, but it doesn’t mean I’d want to needlessly overpay on titles I could find in other places for half the price. But I have to say, at least they have integrity. They weren’t the Long Island Vinyl Exchange years ago where half their stock was un-priced and their owner made you pay whatever he said off the top of his head. He was out in less than a year. Remember that.

After 45 minutes, I left Vinyl Bay 777 purchasing nothing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great store for those who want it and they do a great job for what they’re set out to do. It’s just not for me. As I walked out, I noticed a sign urging customers to write two reviews on different social media accounts and show them to the store for a 15% discount. Too little, too late. Here’s my review. I’m not coming back.

Vinyl Bay 777 shopping list: no dice.

[ginnsbaker]

Ginny baby I’m having a mini-crisis

I think I like my best friend and I don’t know how to go about getting rid of this. I’ve known her for 7 years and throughout that time I’ve had two separate occasions where I developed feelings for her, first time not that serious but I can’t say that about the second time. Admittedly the second time I surely panicked briefly but the feelings faded both times, what always followed after was that I’d feel insane for even believing I could feel that way about her in the first place.

BUT now it’s back and I’m in a sort of denial about it? I talked about it with another author here before but we ultimately chalked it down to it just being attraction. Now I’m scared that’s not the case?

Last night I went clubbing with some close friends but I ran into (let’s call her Wanda I guess?) while waiting in the line to get in. Wanda looked so damn good, I’m already shorter than her normally but she’d was in all black wearing her platform shoes along with a skirt and a blouse. Wanda and I are touchy drunks(with other friends too) but the way that we’d been last night had me feeling something. Whenever Wanda and I would talk, we’d lean our bodies closer together and start talking directly into each others ears, her hands finding mine after the start of every sentence- one would assume we were doing that because we couldn’t hear one another but it wasn’t loud and when we’d talk to the people around us we’d stay firmly in place. Wanda went out with three friends and one of them was this guy who I knew liked her, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he saw me holding her and talking to her in a way that looked intimate.

I didn’t really think much of it last night cause I’d been focused on having a great time, but now that it’s day I’ve realized all of that really put a different angle to the perspective I once had about what I was feeling and why. I hate it, i want it to go away because I’ll always prioritize maintaining our friendship above anything else, this is not something I’ll ever admit to anybody I know but I guess I’m saying all this because I wanted to ask if you’ve ever been in a similar situation and how did you cope? How did it play out for you?

Somebody once told me it might only be attraction and a gauge that I could use to see if it was is imagining a future with them and I wish they hadn’t said that. I’d genuinely believed it was just attraction but I’ve been thinking about that question all day today, the answer to that question has my heart racing at the imagination of it all, but I swear I’d been indifferent to it when I’d first been asked.

The less I think about it, the more I ignore it, the less it feels real so thanks for letting me rant to you gonna go back to gaslighting myself out of this(SI SE PUEDE). Needed to get all this off my chest. 😮‍💨

omg sorry I was already asleep when this went in.

*wears calliope's hat* before we proceed i have a couple of questions:

how long have you known you're attracted to your bestfriend? was it even before you were friends?

have you been in relationships with other women?

(disclaimer: im not a therapist of any sort im just experienced when it comes to being gay cause ive been gay since i was 2 and now im almost thirty lol)

I'm assuming she's straight? so here's my #1 piece of advice is: NEVER FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

fine, there might be few instances where falling for straight girls will eventually shake their sexuality and give us a shot, but dude, that very rarely happens. Fics, movies, tv series love to portray them often but in reality.... NO.

Feelings for bestfriends WILL pass. I assure you that. Cause yea, I've been in your shoes. I met my best friend in college during sophomore year, and we were from different groups of friends and I intentionally got to know her because I had a crush on her (turns out later on, she also has a crush on me, but it's the type of crush where she finds me pretty so it's basically straight people crush). She had a boyfriend when we became close/bestfriends and I was hang up on her for two years before the feelings finally went away.

Now she's married, and she's still my bestfriend and everytime I think about the past where I was very attracted to her, I'd laugh.

I coped by just letting it run its course. And definitely being interested in someone else helps. Go out there, meet new people, get to know new people. You have the luxury of using a dating app without being judged for it (in the 2010s that's not the case).

Again, whenever possible: DO NOT FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

The less I think about it, the more I ignore it, the less it feels real so thanks for letting me rant to you gonna go back to gaslighting myself out of this(SI SE PUEDE). - Dude, keep thinking about it. exhaust yourself. go through the drama and the wonderful feeling of being attracted to somebody. it's all part of life. accept that you have feelings for her and then decide: 1- if you want to pursue it 2- if you want to let it pass.

I decided not to pursue it because she's really straight despite the fact that she's touchy and back in college, i'm the only one she'd ever sleep in her apartment and we kissed like 1-2 times on the lips (yes straight girls dont mind)

But in the future, lemme repeat: DO NOT FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

[danimorgan2004]

Reasons pt 2

Tim was twelve, the youngest out of the four of us, but just cause he was the youngest didn’t mean anything. Tim was the most enthusiastic about being a Wayne. He had the strength and dignity Bruce wanted us all to have but Tim was the one that usually got the praise and first place in Bruce’s eyes. Dick was the oldest. He was 23, and he never really wanted to be Robin in the first place but eventually he learned to like it. Dick wasn’t home much since he decided he wanted to move out and get a real job during the day so he left Gotham and got a job as a detective, So he doesn’t come around much leaving Alfred and I to look out for him. Our other brother Damian was 19, He went off to college so he could take over Wayne enterprises when Bruce retired, But he was supposed to come home soon so he can get back on patrol. He missed it and he kept up with news here while he was away so he’s up to date on everything here and He really wants to come home. We all had our roles as Robin but Tim was still too young to actually be Robin but we needed him on Patrol and I convinced Bruce to let him train with us and i was the only one who saw that Tim was ready so Bruce let him come on patrol sometimes on weekends, so we always called him Red Robin, Who will continue to be Red Robin when his time to fill the role comes. I don’t have a name in suit but Damian was Robin till he left so lately it's been just me out on Patrol. 

“Not yet but I heard from Damian” I said, watching as Tim looked at me in surprise

“Really how’s he doing?” Tim asked as I grabbed an apple off the counter next to him

“Well he’s doing good. He might come see us soon, Didn’t say when just that he should be home soon” I said 

“Oh and what about Dick?” He asked

“He’s safe, that’s all I heard. Hopefully he’ll reach out soon. Did you do your homework?” I said changing the subject

“I was going to ask Alfred to help me with it but I haven’t seen him yet” Tim said boredly

“Tell you what, We’ll do our homework together and then we can go down to the cave and look at a few files for Dad. Sound good?” I ask giving him a cookie from the cabinet

“Deal” he said jumping down from the counter and going to get our backpacks from the living room

I met him in the study after I went to my room to change out of my uniform and put on a pair of jeans with a tank top with one of Damians old flannels. Tim was digging through his backpack when I came in and sat down next to him. 

“Can I borrow a pencil? I can’t find mine” He said freaking out a little

“Behind your ear kiddo” I said grabbing it for him

He smiles and then starts working on his assignment as I finished mine up from earlier. When we finished I put Tim's assignment back in his folder after I checked it over and then put our backpacks by the door. 

I then went to see if I could find Alfred while Tim was putting on his house clothes.

“Alfred?” I said walking into Bruce’s office to see Damian standing next to him

“Dani, Can I help with something dear?” he asked turning to me

“I was just going to let you know Tim and I finished our homework, I double checked it already and I’m bringing Tim with me down to the cave to look at a few files Bruce sent” I said 

“Thank you for letting me know” He said

Damian turned and saw me and opened his arms as if waiting for a hug.

“So I overheard something at the coffee shop this morning. These two people were talking and one said that the person you are now is who you would have felt safest with as a kid” Tim said.

“And I am... literally a version of Robin” he added.

“student. Hero. I love giving hugs. Yeah, makes sense"I said .

“I never noticed that, but I guess I, too, grew into who I'd needed as a child” Alfred said.

Bruce, walked in wearing the Batsuit, covered in blood and scratches, holding a pissed off Damian under one arm and a kennel with a pissed off raccoon in the other

“ Someone tell Damian he can't have a new pet, someone else take this thing back to the woods, the rest of you please dismantle Damian's raccoon house, I'll be downstairs giving Dick stitches as he was the one who found that thing.”

“No! Father! Please don't get rid of Domino! I can train him to only attack our enemies! Just give me time!” Damian pleaded

Tim, Dani and Alfred all side eyeing Bruce.  “Hmmm.”

I ran and gave him a hug thinking about that flashback I just had. Damian squeezed a little, as if saying he was glad I was here

“Okay well I’m going to go hang out with Tim, Come down and say hi before you take off. He’d love to see you” I said to Damian before I left the room

I went and took the elevator down to the cave where Tim was sitting in the chair watching a video of a new police arrest of one of Gotham's more frequent criminals.

“So did you find the files?” I asked him scaring him a little

“Yeah but I was waiting for you to open them” He said looking back at the screen

I stood next to him and pulled up the files and opened d, looking at me worried.

“I got a call from Donna earlier and she said that dad wants me to bring in and train a new Robin. And I think he wants me to pick Jason” I said standing up and putting my hands on my forehead

“Do you know him or something?” Tim asks confused “He’s my best friend” I said 

Tim looked at me worried and then the doors to the Batcave opened and Tim looked behind me and I saw Tim smile with excitement. He jumped up and took off for the door and almost knocked Damian over.

“Hey kiddo, how ya’ been?” He asked Tim.

“I’m good. We just got a new assignment from Dad” Tim said, pulling Damian towards the computers

“What’s this? He asked when he saw Jason’s file on the screen

“Dad wants Dani to bring in a new Robin since Dick left and he picked her boyfriend” Tim said smiling at me 

[theamazingmrcat]

I went to college in 2010. Here's some of my takeaways.

Make notes of due dates and assignments IN PENCIL. Some professors CAN AND WILL change due dates with little notice, and the changes will sometimes NOT BE IN YOUR FAVOR. I once had a professor move all the due dates up two weeks. She mentioned she was doing that a grand total of one time.

If you notice that a ton of your classmates dropped your class in the first week, especially after going over the syllabus, THAT IS A RED FLAG. 10-20 students don't just all drop a class at once because they're feeling lazy or have other things to do. That's the canary in the coal mine.

Talk with friends who had that professor previously and see what they say. If the professor's name causes them to wince, that's probably not a good sign.

Get assignments done early, and try to space out your workload and studying. Otherwise, it all piles up and hits you like a freight train.

Don't pull all-nighters studying. You won't retain anything and will do worse in classes the next day. Instead, study during the day when you have some time. That way, your evenings and nights can be spent unwinding and relaxing. Also study on weekends during the day. Again, ALL-NIGHTERS ARE BAD. DO NOT DO THAT.

Seek advice from older friends. Don't try to get by on your own without some help. Otherwise, you'll have some fun mental breakdowns and burn out in a bad way.

Don't drink and party on school nights. You thought that one professor was bad on a good day? You haven't had them while hungover.

Some professors are genuinely bad people and are in fact looking for reasons to target certain students. It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. One of my professors blatantly targeted the only black girl in our class. She had to go to two funerals because she lost her brother and father in the same car accident, so she missed two classes. The professor failed her for missing two classes and told her she, and I shit you not, "should have had both funerals on the same day." Meanwhile, the white student who missed a week because she went on a family vacation was told it was no big deal and to get notes from someone else. That professor was also friends with the department head, so she was untouchable.

Back up everything. Make copies of everything. HAVE A PAPER TRAIL. COVER YOUR ASS.

Get stuff done early in case you need to change anything or there's a processing issue.

Stay fed and hydrated.

STRIP CARD GAMES ARE A VERY BAD IDEA. The less said about "Strip Apples To Apples" the better.

Expect your school's internet to be a fragile thing held together by string. Local libraries are your friends, especially since your school's internet will crash or slow down a lot, especially when a new "Call of Duty" drops or one old professor accidentally uploads a crippling virus. I worked in tech support in college. I have horror stories.

Carry snacks in case you don't have time for a full meal, but don't forget you have the snacks. Otherwise, a semester goes by and there's something in your bag that needs to die by fire. That one didn't happen to me, but it did happen to the guy who sat next to me in my Communications class. I saw things I can never unsee.

For Christ's sake, PRACTICE BASIC HYGENE.

Use the restroom before class. Some professors will try to stop you from going during class and will lock the doors. Yes, that is illegal. No, they don't care. Yes, they have tenure and probably about 30 complaints against them. If you find out they pull that shit, that's a sign it's time to gtfo.

Communicate with your roommate when you're gonna have someone over for sex, and try not to be a dick about when you have someone over. It's your roomie's room, too.

Your freshman year, especially if you go to any cons as a college freshman, you'll probably blow through a ton of money. I'm very much the wrong person to ask about what to do if that happens, but know it will probably happen.

It might take you a little while to find your people. Join clubs, talk to people, and you'll find your friends.

Nobody drives worse than school security. Look both ways before crossing. Our school security t-boned at least one student a year. They were not good at their jobs.

If possible, try not to get the dorm next to the bathroom. The sounds and smells will haunt you. Had to spent a damn hour listening to a woman faking an orgasm in the shower because her partner had no idea what the hell he was doing. IT WAS 3AM AND I HAD A FINAL THE NEXT DAY!

DO NOT KEEP IMPORTANT PAPERS OR TECH ON THE FLOOR OF YOUR DORM ROOM. Our hall's restroom flooded one year, and that toilet water went into almost every room except mine, since mine was next to the stairs and the water went down the stairs instead. Guy I knew spent the next two months hunting for whoever caused the flood by clogging the toilet so badly.

If your dorm floods or anything along those lines, the school will tell you they'll reimburse you for damages. They will not. That is a lie they told so you won't sue.

Anything at the school store is overpriced.

I got a million more tips like this, especially for senior year.

Actual good first-time college student advice:

Wear jeans/pants that “breathe” and bring a sweater, even if it’s scorching hot out, until you know which building blasts the AC to 60 degrees F and which feels like a sauna

Backpacks with thick straps are your friend!  Messenger bags are cool and all but if you’re commuting with a lot of stuff, symmetrically styled backpacks are better for your back

You are your own person and you can walk out whenever you need to or want to, so long as you’re not disrupting the class.  Meaning you can go to the bathroom without permission, take a breather if you’re anxious, answer an important phone call, etc.

If you don’t like the class on the first day, if you can- DROP THAT CLASS AND TAKE ANOTHER ONE!  It’ll only get worse from there!

If you can, take a class outside your major; it’s a good break from your expected studies.

You are in charge of your schedule.  Your adviser and guidance counselor is there to ‘advise and guide’ but if you don’t like certain classes and you can substitute for others, that’s your choice.

Consequently, if you are changing anything drastic in your plan, talk with your adviser and instructors.

Pay attention to your credit hours and grades.  Never leave this to the last week of school, you will be sorry and stressed beyond belief!

Unless it’s a lab book or otherwise specified, go to the class for a week or so before buying an expensive textbook.  Some classes, while having it on their required list, do not actually use the textbook a whole lot and you might find some of it scanned online.  Rent if you can or buy used online (schools actually don’t give discounts).  Use your best judgement on what you think you need.

Tell the people who go up to you selling or advertising things you are not interested in that you are in a rush to class and don’t have time to listen to them.  It’s less rude and they’ll leave you alone.

The smaller the class, the better it is to have some sort of acquaintanceship with a couple classmates.  They might save your ass if you are absent one day or need to study.  And talking with them makes the time go by faster without it being so insufferable.

You don’t need to join a club or sport, but internships are cool and useful!

If you can afford it, take a day off once or twice each semester if you’re too exhausted.  Just be aware of what you missed and if it was worth missing!

Your health is the most important, this goes for mental health too!!  Note: College-age/upper teens is when mental disorders like depression and anxiety are most commonly diagnosed.  Most schools have therapy services, especially during exam time.  Look into it if you need to!

Communicate with your professor if you are having trouble with something.  Anything.

Eat and stay hydrated.  Bring a water bottle and snack to class.

All-nighters will happen but never go over 36 hours without sleep.

It’s going to be hard and there will be times you might think about giving up.  This WILL happen.  You just have to make sure what you’re doing isn’t making you absolutely miserable and/or there is something rewarding and positive to look forward to at the end!

[otter1962crystalball]

White Picket Fence and All! - Part 2

June 9, 2024

Happy 9th day into Pride, everyone! In yesterday’s blog about my white picket fence, I focused on one relationship where I had everything, but ended up losing all that I had. Today’s entry is more about the how and why I lost everything. One thing that I would like to note is right now I am sitting and staring at my computer screen. I’m struggling to start. I’ve come to understand that when I get like this, I know that something will eventually spill out onto my screen. I know that I will also feel better for having done so.

Yesterday, I wrote about how I met “Joe” and how our relationship went. To really go in-depth, I need to back up into the “kid in a candy store” phase written in my June 7th, 2024 blog entry. During that time, I had a teenage boyfriend situation with a guy close to my age. We hung out until I left to go back to college. I’ll call him “Rick.” Rick and I met at the Parkside Continental one night. I was with someone else, but wasn’t really into him. So, I excused myself and left to meet Rick, who was outside my apartment after I left the other guy go into his apartment. Looking back, I wasn’t really a nice guy - lying about feeling sick and that I wanted to go home. Nonetheless - that was my thinking back then. I wasn’t a really nice guy! Anyway, Rick and I played that night in his bedroom in his family home. The next morning, I met the family and was surprised at how open Rick was with his family.

Rick and I had fun together, the sex was hot and we would go out to the bars together. I remember a time, we were dressed in only jockstraps parading around Myrts and later the Backlot. Interestingly enough, I didn’t seem to have any inhibitions that I later developed. We parted ways when I went home to go to college. I also went home with a case of the clap because Rick and I had had a foursome with two other guys. My mother really gave me a hard time about it - having to go to the doctor, getting a shot, etc.

Anyway, I’ve already written about not wanting to be in colleges and quitting to return to Calgary to live my gay life. Rick and I didn’t reconnect as I had met another guy at the bathhouse and I started my second relationship with another guy. I saw Rick from time-to-time, but he was in his own world of hunky guys, working as a waiter at the Parkside and a new boyfriend. We eventually lost touch until about 7 or 8 years ago, when we had a breakfast in Las Vegas and caught up on our lives.

This second guy after Rick was five years older than me and to be honest, I’m not sure why we got together. I guess it was because the sex was good the first time. I ended up living with him for about six months in his mother’s house. That’s where I told my mother that I was gay.

When that relationship ended, I went back to really playing the field. I had sex with a lot of men and didn’t focus much on anything other than going out to bars, drinking, having sex and then going to work. I think that I developed a very hedonistic and rather self-indulging lifestyle that wasn’t conducive to growing as a person. I say this because, through that time and even into my third boyfriend, I was not honest with others, I cheated on him, judged others for who they were, put guys down and was downright rude to guys that could have been really close friends. This third boyfriend and I decided to be just friends, which we were until he died of AIDS in 1990. I am writing about all of this because I often wonder what would have happened if my life hadn’t taken a turn in another direction…

As I wrote yesterday, I met “Joe” and got into a relationship with him. During those first couple of months, I played on the side without him knowing about it. This was just before the whispers of the “gay cancer” were starting to surface in New York and San Francisco. Joe and I had unprotected sex for the first couple of years and we went on living our lives - our jobs, living together in an apartment and later a house together.

During the time of the apartment, something happened. We had just gotten back from Expo ’86 in Vancouver. One day, I got a stomach ache that progressively got worse. Since my doctor was on vacation, I went to a walk in clinic. The doctor who treated me, decided to have bloodwork done to find out what was causing the stomach issues. When she suggested that, I immediately said, “Well, in this day and age of AIDS, it’s important to know.” She immediately asked me if I were gay and I said yes. So she told me that she must test me for HIV. I agreed.

I went back to work and didn’t think much about it. Two weeks later, I got a phone call from the doctor. She told me that I was positive and wondered if there was anything else she could do. I just said no. I can remember walking home in a fog. When I got there, I told Joe that I was positive. He hugged me and said that we would get though this together. Joe got tested and was negative. Life continued on even though I didn’t really deal with the HIV issue. I just let it fester inside me. Poor Joe became very distant when it came to intimacy. It go to the point where he wouldn’t even kiss me. I felt so badly and likened myself to a leper. So what did I do? I went back to my old ways.

I started having sex behind Joe’s back. When we moved to Toronto, as I wrote in yesterday’s blog, I continued to cheat on him because we didn’t have sex anymore. I would go to the dirtiest bathhouse possible and have anonymous sex because I felt dirty and because I was a leper, I deserved to be like that. I really began to hate myself. I lost my job, Joe and I split because I told him in a counselling session that I didn’t want to be treated like a leper anymore. Joe pleaded with me to keep trying, but I would have none of that. I had already set my sights on another guy and thought this would be the time to split.

Needless to say, my life took a spiral downwards. I can remember hearing a newscast on the radio where the announcer said outright “If you have AIDS you will be dead in six months.” That one statement threw me into a deep, dark depression. My white picket fence had disappeared for good - at least that was what I thought. 

I’ve already written about that period of life in my other blog: https://www.tumblr.com/otterenergy1962/614775925789294592/stage-two-act-three-silence-death?source=share. For Pride, I would like to acknowledge something in myself: I am who I am because of what I experienced in my life. It may be hard to believe, but HIV did me a favour. I became a different person. Who knows what I would have become if I hadn’t seroconverted? It might make an interesting blog entry to retrace my steps and conjecture what my life would have been like. 

I’d like to end this blog entry with one idea: We are the sum of all of our parts, including experiences in our pasts. Shame and guilt can be big deterrers, preventing us from moving forward. I’m no longer ashamed of my HIV status. I don’t feel guilty for the things I did in the past because I learned and changed due to them. So when I say “carpe diem” every blog entry and every day that I live, I am really trying to seize the day and live life the best that I can.

Seize the day, everyone! I feel better having written this, as I thought I would. Happy Pride.

[rasalgethi-herculis]

It's been a week of no contact. You texted that you made it home ok, I messaged back and then deleted our text conversation. You aren't blocked, but I did delete your contact. I gave your number to one of my closest friends and asked them to keep it so I couldn't text you. Then I went to Canada and stuck my feet in the river. I thought to myself, this, is what distance means. Being a country apart. You were a world away while I was there. I wanted to stay there but I had to go back and graduate college. You know the commencement that you didn't want to go to? Yeah. That one.

This is so fucked, you know. There are so many little things I keep thinking of that I think you'd like but I can't. We agreed not to speak for a month and I'm true to my word if anything.

I just want you god damnit. I heard a wood cock's call the other day and the only thing I could think about was how excited you got while we walking walking down to the river. Even in silence your memory still speaks for itself.

I'm at the dance club during senior week and I miss you. I miss the way you make me feel seen. I felt like I was being sucked into the shadows this evening. Don't get me wrong I have friends that I go out with and they are lovely but they were busy tonight, being graduated or asleep.

We moved the couch outside. The one we had sex on. So now I guess you and I are the last ones to have used the sex couch. Marks the end of a generation. I thought it was funny, I think you would have too, or I'd like to think you would have. I'm realizing there's a lot I still don't know about you. There's only so much I can learn about a person in that amount of time.

I miss you. I had a dream about you last night. I got a text message from you that said you were on top of a mountain and happy. signed it "-E."

How can you tell someone that you love them and sing to them under the stars and then in the morning light say that you can't do this anymore? What about this is that hard? Is it being exclusive with me? Am I the one holding you back? Pushing you too hard? I'm sorry for crying the other night. It felt like it was about you at the time, but I realize that the big ball of emotions from graduating and you just happened to be the tipping point. I'm not really sure I was crying about you but I don't think I even knew that at the time. Yes, you are just a dude. I know we've established this but god, it feels so stupid to give up on something like this when we barely started.

We had our day of One Mores. I don't know how we were able to act like nothing was wrong. Even my friend said that she assumed we figured it out. You dripped candle wax on the sweatshirt of mine that you wore to the vigil, pretending to be a student a my college even though one of my friends was shooting daggers at you from across the field. We weren't planning on going, but got roped into it. I wonder if that's how you felt about our relationship overall? If I missed some kind of sign that you were into this as much as I was.

I can't help but to wonder, is there someone else? Genuinely, real or just the possibility of someone that isn't well...me. On the last night we were together, you were looking over me and said, "you're so hot." I was silent. How can you say something like that to someone knowing you are leaving them in the morning? Something changed in your face, pain? sadness? I don't know if I'll ever be sure. We stopped and you gave me a hug. I asked what was wrong and you said, "nothing, just thinking"

In the past week I have wondered constantly if you've been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about you. I'm sitting here in the shirt that is yours. You told me to keep it when I tried to give it back with your sweatshirt. I sprayed that shit with so much of my perfume. And dried my hair with it because I know how much you loved my coconut conditioner. I know you have a good nose. I hope you sat with that smell for the whole 6 hours of your drive home. I hope you can't bring yourself to wash it. I hope that you put it on even though it doesn't really fit you anymore and I hope you cried to your mom about it. You never let me meet her. Why is it that you felt like you had to add that you weren't ashamed of me when she told you she knew about me? It is because you knew you were lying?

One day I will wake up and realize I'm not in love with you any more. Or maybe it will come when I'm cooking or running or writing. It's not I don't love you, that will not change. I'm just going one day it will be like this: I will realize that my heart is open to accept more love and will be okay if it doesn't come from you. At least, I hope so. I mean, I don't really hope so, but I think that's the part that keeps me going when I realize you probably won't come back. We went no contact. Agreed to at least a month. i said that I wouldn't reach out to you because it wouldn't be healthy for me. What about you? Will you reach out to me? You seemed so unsure of yourself. Was it that you didn't know if you would reach out to me in a while or was it that you were unsure about your decision? Either way. The ball is in your court. My way of taking the power back is stepping away. I hate it but it's all that's left for me I guess.