#(they don't know jimmy is jimmy because dragon magic)

[vivianquill]

there's another ranchers/zits/giggs au story concept in my head i've been playing with, so let's-- just call this a demo.

Feel free to send asks or just give general feedback, not only will it help me to flesh out the au more, it'll also give me more ideas on where to go. I've seen similar aus out there, but nothing quite like this one-- or having all the same concepts as this one. If people like it, I might turn it into an actual longfic. but i tend to run out of steam on my longfics (mostly due to a lack of interaction tbh. if no one else is excited about my au, then it's not worth pursuing, right? but that's my problem and something I have to work through myself, not something for anyone else to fix)

Anyway.

This is a thing.

The moment Jimmy laid eyes on Tango, he knew something was-- off-- about him.

They'd met him in a tavern, in the small town that lay below the abandoned Deepfrost Citadel. Jimmy's adventuring troupe had been commissioned with finding an artifact in the Citadel, and bringing it back to its rightful owner. The bounty offered would be enough to pay off the troupe's debts and much much more. When they'd asked around for any sort of maps, or a guide, the tavern keeper had pointed them over to Tango.

"He's the only one to have ever made it out of that cursed place alive." The dwarf had told them, pointing to where their future guide was sitting in the corner, "If you want a guide, he's the only one who can."

Jimmy's sense for danger had shivered up his spine and stolen his breath the moment he looked over. But-- no one in his troupe paid any attention to him anyway.

Besides, the negotiations had gone well, Tango seemed amical enough, and no one else seemed to have a problem with him. It was only Jimmy, and his overzealous avian anxiety. They would pay Tango half his fee up front, and half when they got back to the village safely.

It took them half a week to get up to the Citadel, and that was with the help and knowledge of Tango as their guide. Jimmy kept him at arms' length, not quite knowing why but deciding to trust his gut on this one. Tango was dangerous, in a way that he couldn't figure out. He'd brought it up to the others in his troupe, but none of them believed him. They all loved Tango. He was clever, quick to laugh and even quicker to crack a joke, and ever so useful.

By the time they made it to the door of the Citadel, Tango had become an invaluable member of the troupe.

Tango disappeared that first night, spent barricaded in an outlying tower and hoping not to freeze to death. Jimmy had been on watch, and between one glance and the next, Tango hadn't been in his bedroll anymore.

But-- he'd been right back in the morning, acting like Jimmy didn't know what he was talking about.

It was the little things that kept setting Jimmy on edge. Tango knew a little too much about the Citadel, he'd found the 'hidden' door to the crypts too easily, had pushed the troupe to descend into the depths faster than was safe, not letting them scout it with a familiar like they normally would. He could pick the locks almost like he had a silent knock spell in his fingers, and somehow knew his way through the maze of icy caverns like the back of his hand.

And every night, after everyone was asleep, he disappeared. Jimmy was the only one who noticed. No one else believed him either, did they just-- not notice the empty bedroll when they were on watch?

When they finally believed him, it wasn't until Tango disappeared for good. One morning, he just-- didn't come back.

Then the monsters started appearing.

One thing lead to another as they pressed deeper and deeper into the dungeon under the Citadel, icy crypts full of wraiths and furry beasts morphing into wet caverns covered in mushrooms and a pirate ship complete with it's undead crew; leading down into black mines that had supposedly been blocked off by cave ins over a hundred years ago-- and before they knew it they'd lost a member of the troupe-- their healer-- and then they were tripping tail over teakettle into a maze so dark and cold that even those in the troupe with darkvision couldn't see.

It spat them out into a chamber not unlike the throne room found mirrored high above in the Deepfrost Citadel. It was full of gold and magic and things that would make any adventurer drool at the prospect of having them to keep.

Jimmy hadn't felt 'safe'-- not since he'd first met Tango in that tavern all those weeks ago-- but the sense of someone watching them stayed his hand.

The rest of the troupe had gotten busy, plundering everything in reach and searching for the artifact they'd been sent to collect.

But not Jimmy.

When asked why he wasn't stuffing his pockets with gold, he waved off the troupe with the excuse of keeping watch. After all, there were the monsters to contend with still--

Tango's giggle seemed to come from everywhere at once.

"Oh, you really should have listened to poor, sweet Jimmy when you had the chance~"

And suddenly Tango was there, on the throne in the center of the room, but instead of the blond, brown-eyed and rough-hewn guide they'd come to know and trust, it was a creature made of frost and shadows.

Jimmy's heart dropped out his stomach.

"Dragon--!"

Oh, they were dead.

Scratch that. Apparently everyone but Jimmy was dead.

Not like that was much better.

[gaykarstaagforever]

FREE ON YOUTUBE

...YouTube, I feel like your free animated movie recommendations have declined in quality a bit since the halcyon days of Osmosis Jones.

Yes, it is a blatant Kung Fu Panda knockoff, with an American voice cast that is clearly whoever was home at 11 am the week they called.

This is bad. Like, unfinished, I think I'm missing like half the movie, they forgot to resolve the main plot and it just stops, bad. There is a scene where the only character on screen suffers an animation error, and no one fixed it. The framerate of the movie drops every time the action picks up or the camera swings around too fast. Like...you made a computer-animated movie, and you don't have the hardware or time to do...you know...computer animation? The stones on the Chinese producers of this mess.

Not everything has to be Pixar or DreamWorks. CG is hard. I get it. But you gotta work to your strengths. In this case, the computers you are using can't even render the movie properly. Like...I don't know how you get around that. That's kind of a major issue.

Technical incompetence aside, this suffers from the usual bad CG animation problems of every character looking like they come from a different artistic universe, and most of the action is generic mocaping that doesn't take into account how any real bodies shaped like these bodies would move. And there are just things they didn't bother capturing. Like none of these dough monsters ever stands up on screen.

Shot composition is a disaster. Most scenes are a mob of creatures standing in a pack in an empty space, doing exaggerated facial reactions to someone else talking. It's like bad machinima made in the Skylanders games engine, except all of the character designs are way worse.

The plot, such as they attempted it, is supposed to be about a small, incompetent warrior who looks like Jackie Chan who gets transported to the mystical realm of Merryland by a magical jade necklace his grandfather gave him. There, he transforms into an anthropomorphic panda, for reasons that are never explained. There is a prophecy that a Panda Warrior is destined to save the realm, and our guy is apparently it, except there is a flashback to like a couple of years ago when the ultimate evil took over, and...there is ANOTHER Panda Warrior who was just there and sort of stopped it? But then didn't? Who the hell was that guy?!

Also the ultimate evil is one of the two sky-whales who guard the Dragon Ball (yes, literally) just turning evil because it absorbed too much power. Why did this happen? How are you going to stop it from happening again? Then that whale turns into a nine-headed snake after an evil mouse from the real world just...is there, and merges with the Whale. After the snake is defeated the mouse just crawls out of it and runs away, and no one says a damn thing.

Our panda warrior and his 7 legendary warrior friends kung fu fight the snake at least 3 different times, and never get close to stopping it. And the panda doesn't do anything special or lead them, he is just there, and then at the very end his necklace glows and that...helps? Somehow? The true hero here is, and I'm not joking, Jimmy Ginseng, a tiny ginseng man with an erhu who shows up whenever the warriors are losing, plays the erhu, the enemy gets soothed by the song, and then Jimmy gets tired and leaves. EVERY BATTLE ends like this, including the final one.

So...?

The panda has that cool green sword in the picture. And he does have it. It is just...a sword, thst someone randomly gives him. I think he ends up dropping it and it never comes up again.

Also all the warriors are animals, except for the one who is a talking tree stump...filled with lava. And he dies at the end by setting himself and the snake on fire. Because his master, a purple fox, told him to do that to save everyone. ...Except the SNAKE SURVIVED IT, and they had to fight it again, lose, and wait for Jimmy to show up.

The bull character also sacrifices himself, TWICE, to save everyone else, and both times that doesn't work, either.

The movie ends with Merryland being restored from the devastation of the snake...BEFORE the snake is defeated. It just...gets better, after they resuce an elf girl princess who does...something...? And then the regrown flowers shoot the snake with missiles of some kind. Which ALSO fails to defeat it.

The panda doesn't go home and become human again and nothing is explained. But during the credits there is a fight scene between the little human warrior and his general, in which they get drunk and wrestle and tons of fight animations repeat in a loop for 3 minutes. Is this part of the movie? Are these outtakes? What does this have to do with anything? If this is what happens after he got home, I don't know why or what it means.

...My guess is that the first panda warrior we see was supposed to be his grandfather, as a panda? That was probably the idea? But no one ever says that. The movie doesn't remember to explain that.

This was translated from Chinese. Perhaps the translation is terrible. Or they did a massive reedit of this for the US release. That could explain some of this. ...But then why didn't they cut out the glitch scene, or some of the shots with the bad framerate? There are literal 10 second sequences in this movie where there is no dialogue or music, just a camera sleeping over a scenery to ambient nature sounds. Who reedits a movie for the foreign market and cuts out vital plot scenes, but leaves in shit like that?

...Unless all those vital plot scenes had even worse technical problems. Jesus. That's a terrifying thought.

One positive here. While nearly all of the voice work is as boring and bored as you'd expect, the immortal Tom Kenny is good, with what very little he is given to do, here. The man is a professional.

And here is the weirdest thing: Rob Schneider is really good here as the panda man and Jimmy Ginseng. Like, shockingly good. Like, this is without exaggeration the best performances of this man's miserable life. He is funny, charming, nuanced, he feels like he is reacting properly during what were probably one-sided conversations recorded on different days in different places. It is shocking how good he is in this awful, stupid movie. My only guess is that he was somehow involved in bringing this over and it was going to serve as an audition piece to get him more voice work. In which case, like, fair enough, dude. You nailed it. He is genuinely very good in this very bad movie.

What an odd artifact from 2012. What a waste of time. Why did YouTube recommend this? What do any of us gain from being shown this? I am just flabbergasted.

You're on time out with these movie suggestions, Google.

Also there is a pig who flies who looks like this:

Those aren't ears, they are just gross misshapen tendrils that bob around as she moves. It's like someone was playing with a stretch tool and then...stopped.

I was gonna end with "Now let's have Jimmy Ginseng play us out," but I can only find this one bad picture of him, and it doesn't show his erhu:

Here is some nice erhu music from someone else. Something redeeming in this godforsaken post:

[nyxcentury]

The Keys! These are based on the banners of the Emperors and i have not colored them nor have i finished each of the designs yet.

Fwhips' Key is a simple dragon wing. Black with red webbing. You might notice that the lock part of the key matches with Gem's because they are twins and if Cleo was an Emperor, they would have a similar style even though she is the oldest child and they are not triplets.

Jimmys' Key is a cod fish. Do you know how hard those are to draw? Very. His colors would be that of a cod fish with some green mixed in.

Lizzies' Key is an axolotl. Lizzies' godly influence was limited on Empires due to the Lore Magic but she decided she needed a break from her godly duties.

Geminitay of Crystal Cliffs! Like i mentioned earlier, her lock matches Fwhips since they are twins. Sometimes Gem likes to pretend its a wand.

Scotts' key is based off the Rivendell Antlers with one half "corrupted" to represent Xornoth. He and Joey don't really talk about Xornoth, as both are aware the demon was just an "oc".

Shubble! Mushrooms! Her key and Scotts were the first two keys to have locks that were not traditional and her key might be my favorite.

Pearl's key is a sunflower sword with an itty bitty duckie on the pommel because having a duck flag is pretty cool. Much like Lizzie, she took a break from ber moon goddess duties and the Lore Magic granted her sunflowers and sunshine. Some things happen and Pearl ends up becoming the goddess of eclipses.

Katherine Elizabeth's Key ~~if it would cooperate~~ is supposed to be a bouquet of Minecraft flowers that tie together into a lily blossom as it's lock.

[fountainpenguin]

"And there's a magic act that saws Regina in half, and this time it will take! Now, that's a party!" (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 18 - “Snap (Truce Night)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Truce Night signals the whole Dog's Life server to settle down for sleep, unless you're Joel and Ren with a plan to lure in phantoms on a stormy night... or maybe Impulse, who's been on the hunt for Bdubs since Session 2 began. Don't worry about him! He's not on red, so he can't kill the guy.

After all, that would be against the rules...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

Etho-Scar Alliance

Unaffiliated

GoodTimesWithScar - Pillager

🖤  💜  🖤

It really is a big cave. Cleo, Tango, Pearl, and Jimmy probably don't even know anyone's lurking around down here in the second tunnel layer. Or is it third or fourth? They're pretty deep underground. Scar drags his fingertips along the damp wall, tracing stringy moss against his nails. It flutters. He can feel this world breathing like a coiled dragon underneath the surface.

Amethyst nearby. I can feel it pulsing…

And there, around the next corner, is the friend he came to find! Scar keeps his trudging footsteps heavy, and not only because he's limping now (his glitch clinging on the back of his leg; difficult to bend). His crossbow doesn't make a fantastic cane. Mumbo went and tucked his bed in the back of the little cave. He sits at the foot of it, the sheets still neatly made up. Yeah, Scar's been there. When there's red life juices thrumming in your code, it's hard to settle down.

Mumbo's hunched over there at the end, rubbing his thumb against his diamond sword. He's in his pajama skin - loose white T-shirt with all-too-familiar red text scrawled across the chest - and breathes slowly, warmly, in a way that flutters his mustache.

Oh, he's very red, you see… but Scar is not afraid of him. Mumbo is his friend.

The torchlight flickers against the pale, sharp edges of Mumbo's face. The blade is sharp enough, he's already nicked himself a couple times on both hands. White marks expose the first layer of goopy spawn egg code stuff between skin and soul. As Scar steps in on swaying feet, Mumbo lifts his eyes. The torch crackles halfway between them.

"I feel nothing," is the first thing Mumbo says. That's his greeting - all of that - and Scar tilts up his mouth in patient sympathy. Mumbo keeps picking his thumb against the blade, even though he's no longer looking at it. Hot eyes fixate on Scar's… Hot and cool! Very cool. He likes to think himself cool in the head, anyway. Mumbo murmurs, "See, that's why I don't think this game's for me. I feel nothing."

"Oh, you love me. I'm always there for my friends. Everybody loves me. In fact, that's why I'm here."

Mumbo lurches to his feet. He swings his arm, bringing the blade straight so it points at Scar's throat from several blocks away. "I could kill you," he says. His voice doesn't slip, doesn't tremble, but lands without emotion. "I could carve you like a pumpkin. You too are a lump of pixels with nothing inside, falsely smiling. I'd feel nothing, I suspect."

"No, no," says Scar, striding forward. He's not afraid of Mumbo, silly! Not Mumbo in his bare feet and pajamas, his eyes wide and wild. Mumbo's a good guy; Mumbo is his friend. He steps closer. Mumbo's shoulders tremble. He tilts back his head, staring through Scar like they're separated by a curtain of fire and nothing more.

Gently (firmly), Scar knocks Mumbo's blade aside with his knuckles. "You just need a good murder in your system, Mumbo! Red life is where all the good times are! I might even be jealous- you get to have all the fun! Why, I've got to uphold deals and alliances, and I'm carrying Etho's weight along with it, and killing BigB didn't give me nearly the rush I wanted. Would I lie to you about the good times?"

"I could kill you. I could kill you, Scar."

Grian stole the traits of Enderman

"Um- No, no! You actually can't- See, I'm all alone down here; that would be so mean… You have to be purple for the turn of an episode at least, I think I heard. I'm looking for a friend!"

"I could kill you," Mumbo says again, knuckles tight around the hilt of his sword. It's still extended, and Scar's so close now that it's an easy flick for Mumbo to press the tip of it against Scar's iron chestplate. Having literal iron abs would be a funny sight. Diamond abs would be amazing. That probably hurts when doing crunches. Imagine all that grating back and forth… Diamond cuts diamond- that's a real thing. No, it's true!

"Oh, it's Truce Night… Killing me will have to wait."

Mumbo's glowing eyes bore in a little deeper. "It's not Truce Night 'til the double beeps go off. You're in my cave."

PearlescentMoon went to bed. Sweet dreams!

Scar's hand glitters white. He shifts his crossbow from his inventory to his main hand. Mumbo's blade still rests against his chest, but in all the red haze - and in all his red protests - Mumbo looks frightened. He's backed into a corner, and if he's spooked, he'll definitely swing. Will he, though? Scar's allowed to strike back if Mumbo hits him first. Reds are mostly dead, you know… Reds have wild, mind-messing mods pumping in their code. "But I want to team with you!" And he laughs. Isn't that obvious? Has he not been clear?"

"You can't, Scar." Mumbo's tone is short and fierce, like the blade pressing into Scar's chestplate.

"Oh, you were wonderful at scaring people back in Last Life."

There's a pause. Mumbo's eyes fidget like he's snapping screenshots or zooming on Scar's face. The sword point scratches, diamond squealing over iron. It doesn't drop any lower. "Well, that's quite encouraging. Thank you for, um… saying such flattering things about me." Mumbo blinks. "I don't really know what I'm doing here; to be perfectly honest, I feel like I was absolutely pants at being a red name last time. I really don't know if I deserve to be here."

"Why, you're here to be my friend, of course!"

"Am I? Really?"

"Oh, of course, of course… Have you seen Bdubs, by the way?"

Perplexity (Perplexion) stitches its way across every line of Mumbo's face. For the first time, the sword scrapes downward. It drops from Scar's chestplate and dangles, tip aimed at his heel instead. Mumbo upturns one hand. He holds it out, awaiting payment. "Have you brought me something nice? I can kill him for you. Would you like me to kill him for you?"

Such a polite request… Mumbo is so very polite. It's one of the beautiful qualities that makes him such a nice friend. Scar grabs his hand instead, shaking up and down. Mumbo's mouth twitches at the contact, though he keeps breathing and doesn't jerk back his hand. "Oh, no," he says, "but Bdubs is at the surface! And Bdubs is such a lovely man. It's our job to protect him."

"That… sounds like the exact opposite of my job right about now, Scar."

[ Full chapter link at top ]

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

ok so while watching joey's s1 and just rewatching s1 in general, i was looking at the items in the circle surrounding the dragon egg where shrub is meant to be sacrificed and they are. they’re interesting.

now, quick refresher on what i'm talking about: right after sausage goes good again, xornoth steals the dragon egg and puts it in this summoning circle type thing with the plan for joey to kidnap shrub and impale her on a dripstone spike above the egg. when the blood gets on the egg, some magic makes the blood corrupt the egg and now the dragon is cool.

the summoning circle is surrounded by eight items that are, in order: a netherwart block, a wither rose, a nether star, crying obsidian, a piece of crimson wood, a salmon, a magma block, and a red nether mushroom

and the items gem replaces them with are equally interesting: a red mushroom, a cod head, a gold block, wheat, a redstone block, an amethyst shard, a sea lantern, and a red tulip

the things she replaces them with are things she takes from her allies and herself, because the spell she's using says she needs things that are important to the people of the land. the gold block is scott's, the amethyst is gem's, the wheat is pearl's, the tulip is katherine's, the mushroom is shrub's, the cod head is from jimmy's place, the sea lantern is lizzie's, and the redstone block is fwhip's. an important note to ME is that almost everyone she takes these items from is involved in the fight, except for fwhip, lizzie, and jimmy. fwhip's involvement with the xornoth plot is pretty interesting to me but i'm not gonna get into that here, and unfortunately, i don't know enough about jimmy and lizzie's lore and their whole deal with xornoth to comment on them but that's NOT REALLY THE POINT LET'S MOVE ON!

the things placed there by xornoth are just basic ominous nether stuff, for the most part. even the wither rose, which i usually associate with a certain alliance, can just be seen as an ominous thing. katherine does use them for her pit of death, and i vaguely remember the corruption turning some of her flowers into wither roses, through i'm not certain that actually happened or if i'm making it up. the point is that there is one REALLY WEIRD outlier there. the salmon. and the fact that gem brings not only a cod head into this but something FROM fwhip as well, and replaces the salmon with the thing representing her makes me think this like?? has to be an intentional fwhip reference??

so here’s my thought here and like. look i recognize i'm biased towards Everything about fwhip but hear me out. i think it’s possible that, before sausage betrayed them, xornoth was planning on having both sausage and joey kidnap someone, either to ensure someone died and the ritual succeeded, or as a sort of distraction, ensuring that the attention of anyone coming to stop them would be split. (to be clear, when joey is first shown the area, the ritual is already set up. this was done in ADVANCE, and sausage's betrayal was pretty recent.)

he tells joey that the sacrifice HAS to be one of the emperors, and while he doesn’t specify why he thinks shrub is the “perfect” choice i personally think it’s pretty clear.

xornoth just like, flat out doesn’t like her. i mean he doesn’t like most people, but he’s got personal beef with shrub.

she doesn’t have anyone who would go looking for her. joey and her talk about it when he kidnaps her just an episode earlier- shrub says herself the only people who might come looking for her are her dogs. and she wasn't even wrong! if it’s shrub that’s missing, there’s far less chance anyone will notice, and far less chance anyone will interrupt.

i truly think exor just enjoyed making people target their friends/family. sausage at one point says that xornoth was making him “kill people i wasn’t supposed to kill” (in reference to fwhip and gem). he isolated his followers as best he could. shrub was joey’s only friend, especially after sausage left.

so with those three reasons in mind. who do we think sausage might’ve been tasked to kidnap…?

THAT'S RIGHT BABY THE SALMON’S THERE CAUSE FWHIP WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! (and i would say the crimson mushroom was shrub’s symbol in all this but that's not my point)

now, let’s look at the reasons i gave for why shrub was chosen: xornoth didn’t like her, no one would’ve noticed she was gone, and she was joey’s only friend (emotional turmoil)

i’m gonna come back to reason one for fwhip, but let’s touch on two and three real quick. i truly don’t think people would’ve noticed fwhip was gone until it was too late. gem was his closest friend after sausage left the wra, and even they didn’t cross paths super often. he was a pretty isolated person. as for causing sausage emotional turmoil- yeah, duh. we already know how much he cares about fwhip and that he didn’t really want to kill him from the remark i mentioned earlier. and the only were people in that same circle for sausage were pearl and gem. pearl is her own beast- xornoth could barely take her in a fight so let’s be real he KNOWS sausage couldn’t. and gem is. ok we’ll get into that.

now, circling back to reason one: hatred. xornoth doesn’t like any of the emperors, let’s be real, but the ones he hates the most seem to be shrub, scott, and gem. obviously he can’t kill scott, and shrub is already involved in all this, so why wouldn't he have sausage kidnap gem? she would fulfill the friend requirement too, like i mentioned! well, it’s simple.

look at how well it went last time, lol.

also, gem is a lot more social than a lot of the other emperors, especially fwhip, and is deeply involved in scott and katherine’s research in defeating xornoth. someone was gonna notice she was missing FAST. look at how quick jimmy showed up last time (i know he wasn’t looking for them but like. still. come on.)

also, i think the reason for kidnapping fwhip instead of gem is very important here: gem was always going to notice the dragon egg was gone and was always going to go looking for it. and not only did she notice, she saw xornoth take it. she was always going to figure out where he’d taken it and try to stop him, and i think exor was perfectly aware of what could possibly distract her from the egg long enough to perform the ritual.

her brother. fwhip was the perfect pawn to keep sausage under his control and gem distracted in the event of a fight, and i just. i think this could've been the original plan had sausage not betrayed them, and now i'm rotating the possibility at light speed in my brain. please play in this space with me.

[deadmomjokes]

For anyone interested, following up on that preschool dance time incident, I have finally put together a playlist of my child's (current) favorite songs.

I have, over past few months of building this list and in the past few days of pruning it of old tracks she's not into anymore, asked her the name of each song, the artist, and what she thinks about it. These are her responses.

Time of your life by the band singer called Greeeeeeen Day SHHH NO DON'T TALK THAT'S MY SONG I WANNA HEAR IT!!! *sings along with shocking accuracy*

Middle by Jimmy in the World I think maybe it's about a roller coaster, and you have to be patient too. 'Cause see, it says "It just takes some time," so now you have to wait, and be patient.

PAIN by 'Magine Dragons I'm a freight train named PAIN! So this is my song. ^_^

Gimme that Fire OOOOOOEEEOOOO by.... um... i don't know this guy You know, you should not touch fire, it's HOT. Also, don't say gimme, you can say please, that's more polite.

Polaroid by 'Magine Dragons *too busy singing along to offer commentary*

Here Comes the Sun doo-doo-doo-doo by I don't know, that's a singer but probably I don't know their name I think that's about how it's okay, so don't worry. See? 'It's alright.' So it's alright!

It's the Hotdog Song! by It's Green Day too! This one is really called Polly Anna, but its picture is a hotdog on the music website on the computer, so it makes me think of hotdogs. I think this one is for being optimistic! *thumbs up* YEAH!

Record Player by Um.... It's the guys that sing it, and a girl sings it too What is a record player? Why did she dyed her hair green? 🤔 Oh, he says he's in the elevator, I like to go on elevators too. 😊

Be Careful by I don't know who sings that, I just like it because it says "be careful," and it's good to be careful. It's a dramatic song, so you have to do a dramatic dance. Like BALLET. *the most dramatic ballet dancing you've ever seen*

BONES by That's 'Magine Dragons, too. I think I like 'Magine Dragons a LOT. Magic isn't real, but this is a being determined song. *muscle arms*

I don't know what this one's called, but I think the band is Green Day, because it sounds like that. This one's got the big drums that are really loud, and that's why it's a rock song. I like rock songs, they're DETERMINED.

Am A Mess by A. J. R? He maybe needs a bath if he is messy... [see also] I like that funny whistle sound.

Astronaut in the Ocean (that's a rap song) by *shrug* That's really silly, because astronauts go to space, not the ocean. I think he needs a spaceship instead. Maybe he's lost and that's why he's in the ocean instead of space.

The Stick Song by Um... Mama? Who does sing this one? Stick is not a season-- the seasons are like winter and summer-- but it is a fun song. *proceeds to do a tappy kicky dance* [see also] You should probably not drink alcohol-- some people like to drink it, but it can make you real sick in your brain and your tummy-- so I think he needs juice instead. Maybe his friends will bring some for Christmas.

Shotgun by That guy also sings the other song we heard in the car, and he has a deep voice that is ~calm~ It must be hot where he's going, because he says 'hot sun' a lot. But what does "feelin like a someone" means...? 🤔

Daylight by The Guy Who Sings It It says 'running from the daylight,' but the daylight is just the sun, and you can't run away from the sun because it's all over, so maybe he just likes to stay inside until it is night. Yeah, that's what that means.

Paint the Town Red by Lady Rap Singer There is a part with a rap- a girl rap singer, because most rap singers are boys but she's a girl- and she says UGH like something is yucky. I like that part. But why does she say UGH?

SUNYOOF by ???? It is called SunROOF, but it sounds like he says sunYOOF, so I call it sunyoof. And we have a sunroof in our car, so I like this song in the car the most.

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift I don't know how the summer is crool, but that's just what it says. [see also] WHAT? Blue is not a shape! *thinks* My body is shaped like arms and legs, not blue....

Liddle Bit of Sunshine by One-Re-Public, that's also who sings the song Counting Stars Mama, when it says SUNSHINE you gotta open the sunroof because it says 'throwing up the shade for a little bit of sunshine," so you gotta let in the sunshine, okay?

Young by Miley Cyrus *also too busy singing along with shocking clarity to make comments*

Antee Heeeero by Taylor Swift I don't know why she says she's a monster on a hill, because she's just a girl.

The one with the deedle-ee-deedle-ee-dee-dee guitar thing by *still busy playing air banjo* I think this one is about being patient, because he says he's gonna wait, and that takes a LONG time. And it has a good harmonies, that's the part where it's like a duet, only lots of guys sing so it goes "ooooooo" together, and then the guitar thingy goes like *kicking and flailing* like that!

I think she's got a future in writing music reviews, js

[ep2nd]

Odyssey's Sequel AU

Part 3

For all the Emperors in S2 do differ in Hybrids and Species from their Es1 counterpart so here they are-

Es2 Scott- Fae(with long ears and colorful wings and tail). Es1 Scott was also part Fae.

Es2 Jimmy- Cow Hybrid(He's a Space traveler so he can change his form to fit whatever place he ends up, default is the Canary Avian)

Es2 Lizzie- Feline(Full Cat, descendent of the Felines from the Lost Empire)

Es2 Joel- god(Has wings and can change size, yes he can appear Es1 Joels height but hes too good to be short)

Es2 Sausage- Dragon Hybrid(Same Hybrid as Es1 Sausage, but different wings, more yellowy and planty)

Es2 Fwhip- Goblin(has a bigger Gold obsession and more clingy because Es1 Fwhip was a Dragon Hybird and he influences Es2 Fwhip)

Es2 Gem- Monarch Butterfly Hybird(has magical wings too, they can glow and do some other things... aka I don't know yet)

Es2 Joey- Parrot Avian(literally the same thing as Es1 Joey, no I'm not lazy whaaaaa)

Es2 Katherine- Fae(has long ears but not the silk wings)

Es2 Shubble- Witch and part Gnome(she's shorter and has magic in her blood)

Es2 Oli- Enderman Hybird(specifically the Albino Enderman)

Es2 False- Eagle Avian(Was given wings by Pearl)

Es2 Pix- Ghost/Human(The man was always a Ghost, he's Revived of Es1 Pix. When the crown "killed" him, it's the magic that disturbed the revival magic in him that turned him back to the Ghost, but still keeping his mind with it)

[heehoothefool]

Mmmm I'm bored and it's almost 6 am and I cannot sleep.

I'm gonna assign the Empires SMP s2 cast DnD classes for the fun of it.

Joel: He's a Sorcerer for sure, but idk if wild magic or blue draconic bloodline is more fitting. On one hand, he dipped into a magic fountain to become a God which is very wild magic leaning. On the other hand, blue dragon ancestry would give an obvious affinity to lightning, and an excuse for his obsession with gold and the common teal/blue themes of his Stratos builds. You also can get wings. Idk, I like both a lot here.

Fwhip: Have you seen those funky Redstone signs? This little guy is an artificer all the way. After he made that sick mace? I'm gonna say he'd run the battle smith archetype. Idk funny little goblin tinkerer is just fun to me.

Jimmy: Fighter, gunslinger archetype. He's a cowboy, look at him. What else could he possibly be? I know he doesn't have a gun (yet) but I think he deserves it with all the gunpowder. He's also Just Some Guy and sadly fighter is the most Just Some Guy class there is.

Pixlriffs: The archivist artificer subclass was literally made for this man. Tinkering around with insane redstone, litematica, the obsession with the past and knowing things he shouldn't necessarily know, like it's all there. It's perfect for him. I love him.

Sausage: Oath of Devotion paladin, for sure. He's the protector of Sanctuary, it's his duty to protect his friends and his people, to stay true to them no matter what. He will protect his people and those he cares about. Also you literally get access to the spell Sanctuary as part of the extended spell list. Come on.

Scott: Wild magic Sorcerer. If a wizard gives you a glass eye that is SO going to have random magical consequences, and with how often Owen goes between human and Llama I wouldn't be shocked if it was related. They're also charisma casters and look at him. Look at him.

Joey: Gunslinger fighter again but this time with the pirate background specifically. He literally has a gun. What else could he be?

Oli: The man is literally a college of glamor bard. Like this isn't even a question. Come on now.

False: Oh an artificer all the way, look at the steampunk aesthetic going on here. I wanna give her artillerist because she definitely seems like the type to develop a flamethrower, but I think alchemist fits her lore (the whole amnesia potions thing) a bit better. Another one I'm a little torn on.

Gem: What else could she be but a light cleric? She is the princess of the sun and she started a church for the sun. Light cleric. Boom.

Katherine: Definitely barbarian, but the subclass isn't clear. I might need to homebrew a monster hunter subclass here because while that would normally be a ranger thing I guess, this isn't the first time I've wanted to build a monster hunter with a big sword or big axe. For now, I'll say wolf totem warrior.

Shelby: Wild magic Sorcerer with really bad luck who decided to multiclass into the actual alchemist class on the side, but not enough to pick an archetype. Her spells go wrong all the time, often on accident, she doesn't learn from a book, she's having a great time. Sorry you got polymorphed into a frog lol.

Lizzie: Another wild magic sorcerer except she stopped trying after she turned herself into a cat and decided to instead become an arcane trickster rogue. She is not a cat, she prommy. She totally will not steal from you the moment you aren't looking. She enchanted her mask to make her look human. She is human. Worry more about your chests. Don't ask about the amethyst. She has expertise in deception.

[ramblerogue]

I wanna know more about tiller she’s amazing

AW! Thank you so much! :') I'm so happy others get a kick out of my sweet pirate girl! I'll put a general summary of her under a read more because I tend to ramble about her hehe! If you have more specific questions after reading, feel free to send those along!! I love talking about her!!! <3

SO! Tiller Jakobie is my character from a DnD 5e pirate-themed campaign I play with my friends, called "Cape Curiosity"! She is a druid, navigator, and, of course, a pirate! She travels with the main party as apart of the crew for The Triumph, captained by Jacques Calico, and accompanied by her new best friends; Aveline Blackwood, Frath Hornraven, and Patrick E'Choux! (And many others!! But those are the DMPC and the other PCs respectively).

Tiller is 23, so young in her pirate career but already excited by all the things ahead of her! She is extremely extroverted, and quick to make friends (both of the human and animal variety). She has a curious and humorous view of the world, and loves exploring and spending time with those she cares about more than anything.

For a little history: Tiller was adopted by her two dads, Jimmy and John (lol). Her dads own a restaurant on Nassau (just guess the name), and Tiller grew up there and helped them with the family business. After taking an interest in sailing and navigation, Tiller joined the Royal British Navy to get out on the open seas and help finance her dads business. Fast forward 3 years, Tiller realizes the Navy fuckin sucks, and mutiny's with the help of some pirate prisoners on her ship!

Those pirate prisoners turn out to be her first pirate crew!!! A crew called The Sea Dragons. Now would be a good time to mention that Tiller has had a ~ mysterious ~ tattoo of a sea dragon on her arm since birth, and her dads claim that it was there when they adopted her. So Tiller joins immediately in hopes of solving this tattoo mystery. (And also The Sea Dragons rule, and are nice to her! And they become her second family! Yay!!!)

Tiller eventually links up with The Triumph crew in hopes of deceiving them into trusting her, and then robbing their ship under Sea Dragon orders. However, she has a change of heart a couple weeks into the mission, as these Triumph people are really cool! AND The Sea Dragon crew has gone MISSING! :0 *gasp* Cue 4 arcs of trying to find them and rescue them from a fate most foul.

SO! That's a VERY quick spark notes version of Miss Tiller! Turns out when you play someone for like 4 years, you... add a lot to their story PSDJGLH:SGKSHGSG cause we didn't even scratch the surface on a couple things, like:

Tiller has a girlfriend named Mayday that she met on a similar deceitful Triumph-like mission. They did the whole friends > enemies > friends > lovers song and dance, and Mayday is staying with The Triumph crew at the time while we search for HER crew which is ALSO MISSING.

ALSO ALSO! Remember how I said Tiller was adopted and had that sea dragon tattoo since birth? Well it turns out there is an ocean deity that is a REAL sea dragon, and created Tiller from the ocean (per request from her dads who wanted a daughter :') So Tiller is more of a water spirit rather than a human, and that's the source of her druid magic as well. AND her mom is a dragon.

And there’s so much juicy story outside of Tiller! The main story arc with the Triumph crew is traveling across the seas in search of 7 keys which will unlock a map that leads to the reader’s greatest treasure.... And I’m sure all of the crew members have different ideas for what they would use that power for.

That's all I got for now! Here's some speedy Tiller fun facts to tide y'all over: - Her birthday is June 8th (she's a gemini) - She was the first to drop to 0 hit points in the party (don't worry she got better) - She is slowly making friendship bracelets for the party - She has a pet jellyfish named Snapchat - Her middle name is Kickflip and she invented skateboarding - Her favorite ice cream flavor is cookies and cream - She is a HUGE gossip - She speaks English and Spanish - She loves singing shanties and having karaoke night with her crewmates

[hermitcrossovers]

School very much be a bitch, I'm agreeing with you there!

Anyway, the 3rd Life dragon riders AU!

I say 3rd Life but it's more like 3rd Life-centric, with Empires season 1 on the side, some very niche helsmit headcanons that could probably get my main blog revealed because of how niche they are, and the smallest amount of canon timeline fuckery :D

I'll focus on 3rd Life for the time being tho

Basically, it all starts with Dogwarts (well, Evo technically but Dogwarts start the main plot). It started with Martyn getting lost at sea after watching his island be destroyed and ending up on the Defenders of the Wing island! Ren quickly follows, as with Skizz. Etho takes longer (by a few months) but they arrive as well. BigB takes the longest to make it, as well as the longest to learn to trust.

The five of them are a close-nit group before long, spending their days adventuring into the woods and sailing around the island. They all came from places where exploration was a must, and it's weird to be contained.

So they leave. They only leave after come newcomers arrive, ones who ride dragons. BigB suddenly isn't alone in being a rider, and Cookie (his speed stinger) makes close friends with the new dragons. Etho wants to learn how to ride a dragon, as with Ren and Skizz. Martyn decides to help the rest of the crew explore the world and try to find the dragon riders from the Edge.

Things don't exactly go to plan, and they get shipwrecked on a (thankfully) friendly island. They decide to make an outpost there, because what else can they do except rebuild the boat?

It's during this stay that Etho and Skizz meet their dragons, a changewing and a triple stryke respectively. Dogwarts doesn't end up leaving, no matter how many times they say they will.

Enter Grian and Scar! Who misread the situation entirely!

You see, Grian, Jimmy, BigB, Martyn, and Pearl are the only survivors of the island of Evo. Grian escaped the Watchers, a group of dragon hunters, by the skin of his teeth. BigB and Pearl took longer, but they got out. Martyn and Jimmy were rushed away before the Watchers attacked. Ever since getting out, Grian has sworn to find his missing friends and protect them.

One day, Grian saw Martyn and BigB from a distance while flying on his sentinel named Watcher. He watched as the two of them attempted to outrun Skizz, who was training Gaze (his triple stryke) to track others. Grian thought that Dogwarts was keeping his friends captive, and didn't think to learn more.

Scar on the other hand, is deserving of Dogwart's wrath. You see, Scar had attempted to gather a bunch of crystals to sell, only to be stopped by Etho and Ren. Those 'crystals' were actually dragon eggs, something Scar didn't know about. Scat got away with one egg, a terrible terror that would soon be named Llama, on his flightmare named Vex.

So basically miscommunication starts a war of sorts. Nobody here has the braincell.

I'll explain more about the Flower Husbands/Hobbits and the Crastle-alinged individuals later, my hands are hurting a bit and the ask box is getting laggy - 🔮🐦(magic bird anon)

(oh and I didn't mention it yet, because it happens later in the plot which I still need to explain, but Ren's dragon is a scuttleclaw named Red Winter, and Martyn's dragon is a slithersong named Listener)

This is so heckin pog! Ok so pretty obssesed with everyone's dragon and also the idea of the Dogwarts gang travelling together is so cool!!!! I love that they're all fighting bc of miscommunication it's so in character!

Was the island of Evo destroyed or is it just left abandoned now that all the survivors have left? 👀👀

Curious abt my dear flowers husbands too 👀

-Mod Jer

[eloquentornot]

I watched all of MythicalSausage's stream live today.

(Except for a few minutes here and there where I had to get up and do other things, but for all of those I paused it then came back and watched on double speed until I was caught up. I was in the chat, live, as much as I could be.)

This is the VOD. I recommend. But I think part of the experience was seeing it live. Spoilers under the cut.

So, if you've seen his most recent episode, you'll know it ended with him trapped in yet another alternate dimension by Evil Sausage.

(If you saw the end of Jimmy's recent stream, the one he stopped suddenly because he realised he had the wrong meeting time, maybe you saw the moment Sausage told Jimmy a quick secret, changed his voice and said "I'm not the Sausage you know" to which Jimmy ran away, wondering if it was Xornoth or something.)

At the start of this stream, Sausage said there would be no lore, that it was strictly a material gathering stream in preparation for an upcoming big build. Chat asked him how he'd escaped, and his response? "What are you talking about? What do you mean, escape? No lore here, this is a no lore stream!" Or words to that effect.

The music was different, during this stream. Instead of Sanctuary's usual tunes, it was dramatic, sometimes dark, reminiscent of season 1!

He didn't go in the church, saying it was closed for renovations. He loved the dark tower, and could go in there fine. He forgot the names of Sanctuary's people. Eddie and Maria were "protected" by magical iron bars over all the exits of their house. Sunny was offline, being used as a battery for a future technological project...

It was pretty obvious very quickly to chat what was going on. We all called it out, that it was Evil Sausage in disguise. He continued to say this was a no lore stream. He started work on some interiors, taunted us with a tale of a dark sorcerer defeating a wizard and destroying a dragon egg, continued to deny that anything strange was happening at all.

fWhip interrupted, with exciting news about the Minecraft update! He asked for help with the new structure at spawn, and Gem came as well and there was plenty of messing around out of character as friends, but also I think he was actually fully in character as much as possible? Like, he somehow simultaneously was just himself hanging out with them while also giving vibes of being Evil Sausage Pretending To Be Sausage!?

At 1000 likes, he promised to tell us a secret. We all knew what it would be. I have never before asked fellow viewers in chat to like the stream I'm watching, and I will never again unless this specific kind of situation happens again. I don't normally catch streams all the way through like this. This is so exciting!

Fully in-character, he nevertheless involves chat, it's like being in a pantomime almost, only the only one of those I've ever actually been to I was too young to appreciate, and now I understand, it's another form of collaborative storytelling!

Also btw while the gang was messing around, fWhip showed him a shulker head and was surprised he didn't recognise it, and Jimmy said the name Hermes. So that plot point is looming closer!

When the likes goal was reached, it was time. The tension rose as he gradually prepared to tell us the secret. Chat was racing past, everyone screaming, we all knew what was coming, and yet...

That music box, from the previous stream featuring Evil Sausage. The game screen is hidden, and sound effects play. Then, his voice. Distorted. Our suspicions confirmed. It's him!

Then, the screen comes back, and he hasn't changed his skin! Evil Sausage is still fully disguised as normal Sausage! Then he sends us to where the real one is trapped, the music is Sanctuary's again, we tell him what's happened and then suddenly we're brought back! Evil Sausage goes to his dark Mythland, where for some reason it seems like the grey collared (evil?) Bubbles is trying to stop him from reaching the summoning circle! But he reaches it anyway, does some more magic, and... That's it. Apparently... the real Sausage is now permanently trapped six months in the past. Before even Bubbles or Eddie appeared to help him, let alone the Staff that allows him to travel between dimensions. (It also seems Evil Sausage has lost the Staff, and there was a "joke" at the start of the stream that the Staff is "sentient", so perhaps there's something there...)

We're sent back to Sausage, trapped in the past, for the end of the stream. He plans to escape the only way he can: to live out those six months again! We will see him again, soon, but for him it'll have been half a year...

I just can't describe how exciting this stream was! To watch the story unfold, live, able as an audience to interact with the character, it was so amazing! I do prefer videos to stream VODs for length, but I hope I manage to catch more streams live like this in the future if I can, it was so fun!!!

[vivianquill]

Okay. so. basic breakdown of the dragonfrost au goes as such.

You have Tango, a young adult dragon (young in dragon years, not mortal years) who lives in the deepfrost citadel-- or more specifically, below it. his hoard is below the burning dark, in a room that takes puzzles to get to. (think the control room puzzle).

He likes people, but has that dragon lifespan and semi-alien morals due to being. well. a heckkin dragon. He's lawful good, and while he doesn't seek out 'bad' people to do vengeance, he will test and judge and 'play' with anyone he comes across. He believes that adventurers are primarily greedy and selfish and will do anything for their own gain. proven time and time again by people trying to steal his hoard. No one has succeeded. ever.

The he visits the village at the bottom of the mountain a lot, and sees it as part of his 'domain' and under his protection. Mostly cause the people there are nice to him and just people trying to live and be good people, yah know? They have the Tango stamp of approval. The people there know 'Tango' as a odd wanderer who is the only one to survive going up to the Citadel, for some reason. They know there's something up there, and while some people suspect it's a dragon, but other people think it's other things, and what do they gain by angering whatever it is? Tango knows more than he lets on, surely. He's gotta be like, a spokesperson for the dragon or something.

Anyway. Jimmy is a canary Avian, and the little scraplet i wrote is more of a prologue-ish bit. Jimmy has a slight magic that lets him sense immediate danger, but the troupe he adventures with always underestimated him and never trusted his danger-sense. He was traveling with them because his family ended up in debt to some powerful people. He was the one who took it upon himself to work off as much of the family debt as he could manage, and as such-- adventurer. He sorta acts like 'the party npc' a lil bit. Jimmy isn't really a fighter, and is instead more useful for his connections and survival knowledge.

Jimmy caught Tango's eye because of his golden feathers and his danger sense magic and his high perception and insight. he also, after getting to know Jimmy more, despite his mistrust, and ends up convinced that the rest of the troupe is standard adventurer fair-- not worth much more than food for his dungeon. But he let them get all the way to the hoard as a test for Jimmy, and Jimmy passed. Tango murdered all the rest of the troupe, and took Jimmy as part of his hoard.

Because of this, Jimmy is now 'warlock', and Tango is his patron. It took a long while for Jimmy to sorta-- get over the murder thing. but that's fine! Tango's dragon magic, when forged through a warlock-patron connection, lets him slow Jimmy's aging, as well as give him other magic powers too. It wouldn't do to lose the only good adventurer he's ever met, after all.

After Jimmy finally comes around to being Tango's-- something. Friend? Ward? Treasure? Something. Whatever it is. Jimmy takes on a similar role to Tango. They take care of the town, and the citadel, and if any adventurers come by, Jimmy takes on the guise of being their guide. He whistles to Tango each night, telling songs of how he's being treated. If they don't treat Jimmy right, they get to be dungeon food. If they keep Jimmy safe and listen to his instructions all the way through the dungeon to the hoard, and only take what they truly need of the treasure, for good reasons, they get the chance to leave alive. But they have to get out on their own. Most people never do. But some do.

It brings stories of glory and treasure, attracting more adventurers, more players for the game. More business for the village. Tango changes the games and puzzles, keeping it forever new and challenging, but he never collects any more warlocks. he offers it, to a select few he's deemed as good as Jimmy, but none of them take it. Yet. Most of them have family to get back to, people they need to save. (like Jimmy did, once.) (They're surely all dead by now.) (He's lived for so, so long. Tango is the only one who knows him anymore. (The least he can do is soften Tango's edges for everyone else.) (Jimmy might be a canary in a cage but he can sing to protect the miners, right?)

It's fine. The village is thriving, and the adventurers get a chance, at least.

[recapcrew]

Week 36 Transcript

Video

Intro

Extra extra, read all about it! Welcome to the Empire’s Recap, and today we will be going over the chaos and drama of our (somewhat) respected rulers!

This week we have the long awaited video from Oli TheOrionSound, in which many things happen including meeting the hermits, saying goodbye to the hermits, and realizing parenthood is stressful!

Oli

Our story begins with a quick recap of Oli’s time on the Hermitcraft server, including but not limited to leaving sign graffiti and writing the Christmas song “the real jim sheriff”.

Eventually his travels lead him back to the Olipelago.

In the 4 months Oli has been gone, he gained a lute—

[OLI] –cheek for the journey, goodbye god! …Nooo! No! I’m in Sanctuary! God has pushed me off the stairs! The bloody nerve of these Gods!

[NARRATOR] —Hosted a festival—

[OLI] –pretty penny! We’re rich, boys, we’re rich! Woo! It’s thanks to you, it’s thanks to you, and most of all it’s thanks to me!

[NARRATOR] And dealt with some inter dimensional visitors.

[OLI] What's your sick goal you short charlatan!

[NARRATOR] Who of course couldn’t resist visiting the great Olipelago!

[OLI] Don't read that, don't read that, ey!

[GRIAN] Debt? You're in debt To Gobland? YOU NOW OWE 81 DIAMONDS??

[OLI] Yeah, I've only made two episodes!

[NARRATOR] Also, our sincere apologies to Katherine's tailoring shop for the brief period of “Hermitopia not being in a glass box”… not that it seems to stop anybody.

One of the Hermits, Pearl, who looks incredibly like God who pushed him off a cloud, visits the Olipelago and helps out a bit despite the allegations. Probably having a rough time of it on the road to el dorado.

The Olipelago has expanded tremendously with its incredible second tent solely for beetroot. It is somewhat appropriate that the bard is the only one who lives off beets.

But disaster strikes! The dragon egg is starting to hatch!

[SHELBY MUTTERING] Temperature looks normal…

[OLI] What’s the diagnosis, doc?

[SHELBY] Well, not only am I not a doctor but I have exactly 0 medical training--

[OLI] Mhm mhm

[SHELBY] --but as far as I can tell… it’s a boy!

Pix and Gem reject the idea of having a dragon on the surface and Many an attempt to destroy said egg occurs - because it keeps coming back - before an understanding bridges the gap between Oli and surprise adoption.

To be a good parent you must have somewhere safe for them - so of course Oli builds a tiny Sydney opera house for the child and then goes searching for parenting advice.

[OLI] You’re a pesky little man aren’t you!

[NARRATOR] Lizzie’s parenting advice pretty much amounts to severe paranoia - Oli takes notes.

Pix’s advice is child labour, but considering said child is a copper aging facility he can be forgiven.

Joel, being Hermes’ parent, should have some good advice, but he doesn’t seem to know anything about children despite having several. He recommends… dancing?

Brief interlude for flirting with Sausage's dad, and then we meet the other father of Hermes, who actually gives reasonable advice as they watch the sunset. Before suddenly the egg starts to hatch - too late to back out now!

Sausage and Oli drag the egg to Shelby as she's the only one on this server even vaguely knowledgeable and they take the egg to the sun temple in Sanctuary to keep it warm enough.

[SHELBY] Deep breaths! I don’t—I’ve never—I’m not ready to be a mom, I have student loans—

[OLI] You’re not having the child, no! I’m having the child!

[SHELBY] Oh!

[NARRATOR] They set a fire surrounding the egg, and Oli ends up sitting on it to keep it warm before it starts to float in the air.

Some severe magical stuff is happening on this server, and Oli slips off the egg and his new dragon child lands at his feet.

To be continued…

Jimmy

In other news, Tumble town has been given a very odd copper statue of a cod! The mesa feels like an odd place to put that…

Anyway, to finish the rails to the train station Jimmy needs some iron in bulk supply. Unfortunately he doesn’t have any iron, let alone diamonds to pay False to use her iron farm. That’s an easy fix though, just gotta go mining!

This mining adventure quickly goes wonky however when Jimmy finds a strange old man in a cave. Apparently he used to be the old sheriff before Jimmy rolled into town, and had gotten stuck down the mines while chasing a bandit.

[OLD SHERIFF, ACCUSATORY] Where did you get Wednesday?

[JIMMY] Who—uh, it’s Friday right now. I—I don’t think you—

[OLD SHERIFF] No, I’m not talking about the day, I’m talking about that hat on your head! Where did you get Wednesday?

[JIMMY] No—this is the Sheriffs hat. Take a look, this is the Sheriffs hat, what do you mean?

[OLD SHERIFF] You think I don’t know that, I am the Sheriff!

[JIMMY] …What?

[NARRATOR] This is a prime opportunity to learn how the old sheriff earned his respect - being very short doesn't exactly inspire his fellow rulers to respect him. The Old sheriff agrees on the condition he can see the town again.

Jimmy shows him the outside and learns that apparently before Jimmy got there the town was called Midweek, because of Wednesday the hat of course.

[OLD SHERIFF] I’d be like, “Good morning how you doin’”, I’d tip Wednesday, and they’d say, “Is it midweek?” and I’d say “Everyday is midweek, ‘specially in this town!”

[JIMMY STARTS TO LAUGH]

[OLD SHERIFF] And they would absolutely love it, they’d chant my name, I’d catch them criminals and I’d throw ‘em behind bars!

[NARRATOR] The tall Joel statue does scare the old sheriff but he’s a man of his word, so he takes Jimmy back to the mines and teaches him the meaning of Respect.

Jimmy takes the old sheriff to the saloon and gets a small pep talk before he goes to show his friends and fellow rulers what he’s learnt from the newest - oldest? - Tumble Town resident.

[JIMMY] Okay.

[OLD SHERIFF] And you tip Wednesday and you say, good morning ma’am, good morning sir, good morning they, good morning them, you say good morning to everythin’, you hear me?

[NARRATOR] Jimmy saddles up his horse and rides through the Golden empire to get to the Greatbridge where he meets Gem, Sausage and Fwhip.

The three of them start teasing him over his height - the old sheriff's lessons don’t seem to work no matter how he tries! It’s really hammered home when Gem, one of his only allies that truly respected him, is given Sausages sword and kills him…

He is fed up with this disrespect!

Lizzie

After some reflection, Lizzie and the Critter Council decide to ally with fWhip, after multiple months. But the transport connections between those two empires is quite unsatisfactory… But no worries! Mayor Lizzie will bless anyone departing or arriving Critter City with a much more beautiful tram station and see! There is already some traffic!

[LIZZIE] What is the meaning of this?

[LIZZIE, READING] Dear Mayor of Animalia, come to the Drip Tavern to continue the discussion we had in Tumble Town. Burn this note before you arrive. fWhip of Gobland.

[NARRATOR] After some problems involving 12 gunpowder, three people, and explosives, Lizzie and Fwhip decide to make their own gunpowder farm. They each have their own task, fWhip’s got the beacon and Lizzie’s got the cats.

[FWHIP] Oh no, Lizzie… What efficiency do you have on your tool?

[LIZZIE, OVERLAPPING] I don’t have efficiency 5.

[LIZZIE] Wait, don’t look at me, I’m embarrassed! I’ll be right back!

[NARRATOR] After digging, it’s building time, and the creeper farm is officially done; but creepers are not the only thing falling.

Deciding they’ll meet back in one hour, Lizzie takes advantage of the beacon to finally finish her ores bundle. She digs one massive hole underneath Stratos to find her diamond ores. After multiple bumps along the way, she finds it.

[LIZZIE] Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat, wouldn’t you say my collections complete?

[NARRATOR] Back to the creeper farm and it’s rewarding! Fwhip and Lizzie decide to expand the storage but there is something odd lurking around.

[FWHIP] Can you see that?

[LIZZIE] What is—What is that?

[FWHIP] What is… in there?

[LIZZIE] Oh! Oh my gosh I saw something in there!

Outro

And with that, join us next week for more chaos and shenanigans! Thank you for watching, liking, and subscribing, and thanks to everyone helping with the project, check them all out below!

[raccoon-the-third]

post about the minecraft youtubers dude. do it. i wanna see

ok well now i'm going to listen to the entire story line of empires smp season one and i might explain season two if you want also i'm telling it in the order that things happen in universe not the order you find them out

ok so season one scotts sorry line: there's these two brothers who are the princes of a place called rivendell and one of them gets caught up with a demon named exor and exor turned him into a demon named xornoth and but exors god brother eaor (who works with scott but i can't fully remember exactly what he does) trapped both exor and xornoth in the end held there by the dragon and scott who is xornoths brother (xornoth has a regular name but i don't remember it) is made to become the king even though he wasn't prepared because he was the second born but some near by emperors get tricked into going into the end (i'll tell there sorry later) and they have to kill the dragon to get out accidentally freeing xornoth (and exor but at this point there kinda the same person) which let's him terrorize everyone he was being a bit of a menace before but now he has free rain to do whatever and so Scott visits a near by empire run by lizzy (again i'll get back to her later) to do a bit of trading and he gives her a random little orb thing for some frost walker boots but it turns out they aren't just normal boots they like infected him with the magic so rivendell is starting to be covered in ice and such well xornoth has also got like tentacles and shit growing from the ground so the people are really going through it but anyway scott's like "i need to leave before i make anything worse" so he ditches the boy who he's kinda dating and his town to go live in the woods for like a month because not even the person that runs the wich school can help him but being alone doesn't really help much so he goes back home and asks eaor for some advice on how to control his powers and how to get xornoth to stop and so eaor helps him put xornoth into a cristal so he can focus on getting the ice under control but like right after he finally has everything under control the xornoth cristal goes missing and so he has to get together with some friends and figure out how eaor banished him for the first time and they find out about a sord that can grant a wish if you stab yourself with it and so he gets xornoth and he says "i wish that the corruption never happened" or something like that and scott dies but it turns out that it only takes you into an a universe where your wish is true but he doesn't know that so he sees his brother and he's finally free from having to worry about everything and jimmy the boy from before that he was kinda dating is like "come on your going to be late for dinner and if you let it get cold your going to have to do the dishes for the next week" and leads him inside there house

i've definitely got something wrong so here's the playlist of his story if you want to watch

season one lizzy/jimmy because they are very closely tied: so basically there's these two eggs with like fish people in them ones big and strong the other smaller and more damaged and the bigger one named lizzy hatches first hatches first so it's taking care of the smaller one named jimmy and she's writing about it but one day she decides to go onto land to find food or something even tho she knows that she'll forget about life in the ocean so she writes a note for jimmy to find when he hatches but when he does he goes looking for her and also forgets being a fish so now there's just these two siblings who don't know they're fish or siblings and they both started empires lizzy makes the ocean empire because she's still drawn to it and jimmy makes the cod empire because he really likes cod and was appointed "the cod father" by a group of cod so lizzy and jimmy are going about there life until another empire who really likes salmon takes jimmys cod father head (which is kinda like his crown from the cod) and throws it into the end (see what happening here) and so jimmy and lizzy and some other people including scott go into the end to find it but jimmy realized that they can't just leave they have to kill the dragon so him and scott argue about it for a bit but eventually they just kill the dragon without scott and they return home joel (who is irl lizzys husband and has an empire next to hers) decides to take her out and propose to her and she says yes then lizzy and joel have a wedding and it's very cute everyone shows up even xornoth also the next day lizzy is told by some axolotls that it's her birthday (jimmy is told by some cod that it's hers too) and they also tell her where the book she wrote before she forgot everything was and so she finds it turns out it doesn't only tell her about her past but it gives her prophecies of the future and so she goes to tell jimmy but the cod already showed him her note so they celebrate being sea-blings and that they finally found each other but lizzy still looks like a normal person tho it says in her book that if she can find a blessing of the ocean she can become an axolotl again so she goes looking for it and gets told by a friend that scott has it (it's the weird orb thing) and so she takes him to the gallery of all the shit she found well looking for it and trades him some boots for it she then absorbs it and becomes an axolotl also jimmy and scott go on a date and it's very cute anyway jimmy and his nemesis the salmon guy from earlier decided to be friends and try and somehow combine cod and salmon but it goes horribly wrong and causes an apocalypse and drys up lizzy's ocean making her forget she's a fish again and jimmy's drys out too so he runs away and never comes back

again i'm sure i missed something so here's lizzy's and jimmy's jimmy's is missing an episode and the finally off the end but you can just go through his channel to find them if you want and lizzy has a musical that she made for it on her playlist it's so good anyway im done for now unless you want more :) sorry this post is so long i am just super hyperfixated on it right now

i also have other servers i can talk about if you want to hear about them

[theheightofdishonor]

Get To Know Your BL Mutuals

tagged by @telomeke-bbs (thanks for the tag btw!)

Simple, answer the questions. @ some people. Include the tag 'g2ky BL mutuals 2022' on your post so we can find everyone's answers!

What has been the BL that took you by surprise this year?

Disclaimer, I only started watching BL a couple months back and had to scrounging through my history and make a google doc just to figure out what I watched and which ones were from 2022.

Based on the stuff that was produced this year, I'd say Kinnporsche which I watched sometime during the middle portion of my hyperfixation and again, i wasn't well versed or versed at all in bl before and has only watched a couple bl leading up to it so yeah, it did take me by surprise. Especially because most of what i'd watched until that point were low heat GMMTV offerings and censored chinese bromances.

But Kinnporsche is a delight to watch and super easy to get swept up in, even if in hindsight, the plot doesn't stand up to scrutiny and I wish it had been tonally darker. Overall though, it's a really good show and the pairings have great chemistry. Most importantly, it's a fun watch.

What has been the BL that you felt a bit disappointed with this year

Vice Versa, The Eclipse, Big Dragon

Vice versa's first couple episodes were so good. I loved the concept, I loved the whole 'each episode is a different colour' thing, I liked jimmy and sea, obviously ohm and nanon were in it but around like episode 3/4, it started to falter because I cared more about potential implications and consequences of the whole body/universe swap thing than the show did. And that was frustrating and dissapointing and I kept watching every episode hoping it'd go back to that magic it had in the first couple eps but it did not. Would still rewatch ep 2 again though, nanon was such a gem.

I put off watching the eclipse until it was complete but I had really high expectations for it based off of tumblr and the concept. Like enemies to lovers, opposite sides, rebelling against authority, high school setting, possibly supernatural elements, all stuff that's right up my alley. I thought it was a given that i'd love this show.

buuut I did not. I watched the whole thing but idk i wasn't all that into it? not terrible enough that i couldn't finish the show but it wasn't all that fun and i wanted it to be so.

And then, Big Dragon. This is another one I expected to like because toxic relationships are interesting to me but Big Dragon just fell flat. It's all the toxicity of tharntype but far less compelling. I ended up skipping a lot it and definitely would not rewatch.

What has been your favourite BL this year?

Semantic Error or Old Fashion Cupcake.

I didn't think a KBL would be on here because Korean BLs are my least favourite type of BL but i'm a sucker for a well done trope and Semantic Error has flawless execution. I'd even rewatch.

Old Fashioned Cupcake, I didn't think i'd like. I thought it'd be too slow paced and sweet but it was great- largely because i really liked the themes of the show. It was a kinda like a less cavity inducing Cherry Magic - ironic considering the amount of sweets in this show. I can't think of much to say about this show atm actually but know it was good and def worth watching and i'd even rewatch.

Favourite BL couples (not just of 2022)?

Patpran. They say save the best for last but I started watching bl with Bad Buddy and nothing has ever come close to this show and to patpran. I dare say they're unmatched.

Thai bls, in my experience, have an issue with chemistry where I have a really hard time believing they're in love. Like, 2gether. Bright's good but I could never convince myself that Win's character was in love with him.

singtokrist and early offgun both have this issue too though to be fair, Off gets more believable the longer he's been paired with Gun.

But Ohm and Nanon?? There's not a single moment in Bad Buddy. where you don't believe that they're in love. They match each other's energy and have more chemistry in one longing glance than a lot of couples do in an entire show. (They've got range too, their dynamic in vice versa in totally different to bb and yet still believable and interesting and im so mad there wasn't more of them and they're able to turn it off and on, you'd never believe they could go from blacklist to bb until you actually saw it) I hope someone convinces them to do another bl together.

Moving on,

Gao Shi Di and Zhou Shu Yi from We Best Love.I think i've talked this show well into a grave already but WBL is that girl and it deserves to be talked about. The chemistry between these two is perfect and their acting is really good and their kiss scenes are believable and they just deliver in every single scene they're in and play off each other so well. Oh, and top notch confessions too. You're the lucky one??????? And then the highway scene?? Gah, perfection.

Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu from Word of Honor. I grew up in tumblr fandoms so censorship doesn't bother me and their romance is beautifully executed and they've got good chemistry and most of all, the writing is great fun to analyze.

I also liked ohm and singto in that ghost show they did, billkin and pp in i told sunset about you and all the kinnporsche couples.

Oh and the something in my room boys even if i haven't finished that drama yet.

If you had to suggest a BL for someone what would it be?

Bad Buddy all the wayyy. It's not too cliche but the tropes it uses are well done, good acting, good writing, emotional, not too sweet. What more can you possibly want?

If they're into romance, A Tale of a Thousand Stars. It's pretty much the most classic romance novel you can think of but on screen and with beautiful cinematography. Personally, that's not my thing but a lot of people eat that stuff up.

What's your non-BL favourite for this year?

I just got myself into that bl mindset. Pivoting genres is so hard, especially when I watch so many things. Um, I liked The Batman more than I ever thought I would. Pattinson catapulted to the top of my list as favourite live action Batman.

K.G.F. 2 babyyyyyyy. Literally who does it like South Indian movies. The soundtrack is spectacular. The costume design? Peerless. Like fine, the writing's still too melodramatic even by my taste and the love story somehow got worse (#let reena be unhinged 2022) and the misogyny jumped to a new high which shouldn't have been possible but atleast the theme song's a bop.

And i'm currently obsessed with May I Help You? which is still airing and has 10 episodes so far. The plot's starting to falter but I still have hope. Hyeri is also a captivating actress and i'm still not really a kdrama person but I might end up watching her entire filmography anyway because she's that good, y'all.

As for tagging, I genuinely am too new to bl tumblr to know anyone so i'm just not going to.

[mayeetjim]

Welcome to

Empires SMP Descendants au

So first up is the good guys, aka the children of princesses and princes yada yada

First is Jimmy and Lizzie because they were easy. Their mother is Ariel. They inherited the ability to go between mermaid and human forms. Lizzie is known around school for her voice and willingness to help others that have not crossed her. Jimmy however is more reclusive, being the younger sibling that usually ends up hanging with Lizzie until he makes his own friends.

Next is Katherine. As everyone knows, fairies are born from dandelion fluff, but something went wrong. This fluff grew and grew until she became the size of a human baby, and was given to Pan, as he knew Tink. Obviously meant to be a garden fairy, she works well with flowers and trees, and can usually be found studying or talking down to her friends from the branches of her favourite tree on school grounds.

Joey, the heir of Belle and the Beast. He was raised to be perfect, and gets upset when things don't go his way. He may have a crush on one of the Frost twins, but we don't have to talk about that. He has quite the rivalry with-

Shrub, daughter of Alice. Too many shrinking and enlarging cakes and drinks led to a daughter who only comes to about half the height of a typical human, but she finds her way around. Shrub has affinity for magic, especially mushrooms, left over from Alice's trips to Wonderland. She works with Katherine to hone this ability.

Next are Scott and Xornoth, the twin children of the infamous Jack Frost. Many people questioned if they should be on the villian isle or not, given the morally grey nature of their father, but The Beast spoke up for the two, and they were raised along with the others. Scott does not find his icey powers to be a blessing, tending to repress them out of fear or hurting his friends, while Xornoth embraces his. Each has their own skills however, so do not underestimate either of these two.

The last of these students are Gem and fWhip, children raised by the mysterious Dreamfinder. Raised under the wings of a dragon, with magic and machine surrounding them every moment of their lives, Gen grew into a fine wizard, working to one day apprentice under the infamous Merlin, while fWhip works to build contraptions never seen before. Each seems blessed by the dragon, Figment, and this manifests in different ways for each.

Next are the Villains, those raised on the Isle of the Lost.

Sausage, the son of the King and Queen of Hearts. He is bloodthirsty, all hidden behind a smile so pearly white you'd think nothing evil of him. Due to a mysterious magic user, he became friends with two kids when younger, but as the trio grew older, they realized who each other was, and all ties were cut off. He hopes to reunite with his friends he knows are on the other side of this barrier, and he will stop at nothing to have them back.

Joel, son of Gaston, enemy to Joey. Dressing in bright colours common to the Isle, he dyes part of his hair green to rebell against his father. Despite him, he has grown to be the perfect prince, if he only has the chance to make it out of this damned prison. He has found a few friends, and hopes to keep them close in his rose to princehood.

Pearl resents her father, Clayton, for what he attempted to do, and has tried to make amends with whatever thing is out that that dictates their fate. She grows fresh vegetables in a window sill, helps other villian kids gets good food, and protects animals. She is most certainly able to weird a gun or sword, deadly with both, and there is very little that keeps her from fleeing her father any moment she can. She just needs the chance.

Finally, Pix, son of Jafar, raised to be diplomatic and do whatever it takes to succeed. Of course, that doesn't mean that's what he does. With an odd fascination with copper and raw emerald, he collects these gems, and keeps them away from Jafar, in case he sells them or keeps them in his own horde of useless wealth on the Isle. Maybe he will one day leave, and be free to help people the way he knows he can, only if given the chance.

If you have any suggestions or questions, please ask, I'd love to go more in depth or explore plot points.