#(there's a lot of trauma involved in their relationship - not between them. but just situations)

[joyridingmp3]

just got back from my mums. we talked about my grandfather (her dad) for ages & it was cool to learn a bit more about him but it's only left me wanting to learn more. did he have a favourite instrument to play? what did his voice sound like? what was his original music about? what got him interested in perusing music? he had a complicated relationship with his mother also - was it in a similar way to mine? what did he think of my father? what did he hope for the future of his children & grandchildren? what did he think of me? how did he learn to speak like 5 languages? what was the most valuable lesson he learnt over the course of his life? what advice would he give to me and my siblings? he used to play live with his band most weekends i wonder what that was like. what was his favourite song?

[8housevenus]

8th house synastry!

hii, in this blog i'm going to talk about what your partner's planets mean in your 8th house. i'm going to focus this one on a more relationship-wise dynamic so there will be talks of sexual chemistry, kinks, and things of that nature. and of course, a lot more goes into these types of things apart from what i go over!! hope u enjoy <3

partner's sun in your 8th house - when your partner's sun is in your 8th house, you can find the sun person to be extremely off-putting and intense due to the fact that they will be very eager to figure you out. you appear mysterious to the sun person, and they will not make it unknown that they think they are the one to "repair you." there can be stubbornness in this relationship as your sun person will try to unveil your secrets and experiences you don't want to talk about. as the house person you can resent this and find it to be invasive. however, you have a deep appreciate towards the sun person due to their caring nature and abilities to handle your wounds. sex-life with this person can also be super intense, both of your vulnerabilities allow sex to be much deeper and memorable. this placement can be good for a long-term relationship as long as the house person can feel a sense of privacy. usually there is an instant sexual attraction between the two of you, especially by your sun person. it's magnetic and hard to resist.

partner's moon in your 8th house - house person will find plenty of comfort with the moon person. moon person will not be prone to criticizing your or weaponizing your feelings, they will make significant efforts to understand you and work around any dark areas. you both have very health boundaries surrounding each other's emotions, there's plenty of privacy and security between the two. moon person fulfils your emotional needs more than anybody else does. this can be very prevalent in the bedroom too; comfort is key for the both of you sexually. moon person will usually do more foreplay and deep-talk, they also will be more submissive and favorable to what the house person wants to do. usually, this moon person will be able to read you like an open book. moon person will flutter the house person with chest kisses and vice versa.

partner's mercury in your 8th house - mercury person loves to get behind the surface level discussions with the house person. they like to know you beyond the simple things. house person gives an outlet to the mercury person to express their feelings, stories, traumas, that they usually feel guilty or ashamed to share with anyone else. mercury person admires your strong tolerance towards them. they can be highly persuasive and often times appear manipulating. depending on how it is aspected. usually in the bedroom between the two, mercury person loves dirty talk, kissing, oral, and cuddling up. sex can sometimes be finished more quickly than you're used to, and be careful that the person you are dealing with isn't just using you or sees it as a "friends with benefits" situation. these people are very open to new sexual experiences and can be jumpy.

partner's venus in your 8th house - this one is so good i love love love it. venus person will find themselves in a position where they want to support your lifestyle. some of them might even go out of their way to fund you and spoil you. to them the house person is like their sugar baby. aside from money, this person finds so much beauty in the things you are usually ashamed about. they are able to glamorize the darkness that you might exude to them. as the house person, you grow to have intense ties as the venus person will have immense loyalty towards you and have a "life or death" attitude with you. sometimes this relationship feels surreal because of how hard it clicks. sex-wise, venus person will be able to create a new experience for you everytime. almost feels soul-merging. they will love to neck grab, hold you by your waist, or might even involve toys/costumes, super fantasy-like things. this person will transform your views on sex drastically. venus person can feel very possessive over you and sometimes even forget the bad things you do during the relationship simply because their love feels overpowering.

partner's mars in your 8th house - strong adrenaline rush from the mars person to the house person. sometimes it feels like you have such strong chemistry before you know each other that well. mars is so drawn to the house person that they might do impulsive things just for your attention. this person can match your darkness very well and they have no problem with doing something about settling your issues for you. they don't shy away when you open up, and often times will be protective over you in situations of life or death. in terms of sex, it will feel super intense and the mars person makes sure to go all out for you. they can be unpredictable, and you might often time underestimate what they can do, but they aren't heavy into wasting time. they love hair pulling, face grabs, or penetrations. you both find sex to be a good outlet for pent up feelings, and it definitely is a strong way to show the care between the two.

partner's jupiter in your 8th house - jupiter person will try to point out a lot of the positives through things that have hurted you in the past. they aren't heavy into dwelling on past experiences too much and have more of an optimistic view on life. these people will teach you how to deal with things progressing forward with them, like religiously or spiritually they will open your eyes. these people can also bring an immense influx of money to you and use it to go on vacations and plenty of trips to discover new things and places. you often find that going out with this person is almost healing for you. their energy feels like a breath of fresh air and distracts you from your neglective past. sexually, this person will love butt/thigh grabbing, person might also have bigger behinds or shlongs. feels rejuvenating while you are together. they make you glow in a certain way that other do not. house person finds jupiter person to be very wise and knowledgeable across the board.

partner's saturn in your 8th house - saturn can be tricky but not uncomfortable here. you might feel like this person helps you get your shit together sometimes and see things for the way they are. they will help you understand that building walls is important. between the two of you, this can be a long-lasting relationship and saturn person will be deeply committed. sometimes you might feel that saturn doesn't always understand your emotional state, oftentimes you feel that you cannot always express this to them. they can seem cold, but they are also very experienced in similar things you have dealt with. they offer good perspective and can offer you a stable life in terms of money. sexually, this person might not be too experimental, and worry a lot about if it lives up to your standards. they're more quiet and house person often helps them overcome saturn's shyness to sex. saturn however, will like touching all over your skin, infatuated by your smile, and loves gripping to your ribs. can create a heavily devoted partner.

partner's uranus in your 8th house - uranus person will love to challenege you and make you rewire many stigmas, norms, and traditional values. they love to also connect with your deep-rooted desires, as both of you might have many things in common. this dynamic can be unpredictable sometimes, house person will always see dramatic highs and lows from the uranus person. as the house person, you might like the uranus person covering topics which you find abnormal, however very interesting. sexually, uranus person will have a lot of irregular kinks and desires. usually these people will have prominent veins, have a foot fetish, or might want to indulge in a 3-party act, do it in public, etc. with them they want to break many rules with sex. sometimes this can trigger the house person with their boundaries they have, privacy is also important for the house person, and uranus challenges that.

partner's neptune in your 8th house - neptune person understands the sensitive nature of your volatile state. in a house that gets very dark, neptune matches it but tints it a little differently. you notice that the neptune person almost always has "the answers," but you have to get it out of them almost. as much as a mystery you are, they are also going to be mysterious. they will never overstep and say too much unless you ask from them to. but you notice they bring an old soul energy to you, and they will bring life changing ideas to the table. they will keep you in tune. they love you through your scars as to them it appears as strength. both of you might sense you are equally damaged, but can heal and prosper together. sexually, neptune person can give you a surreal experience. and usually the neptune person knows exactly what to do to please you, as they have a way of reading you through. they will be gentle with you in bed and only step it up if that is what the house person wants. neptune person might have some type of feet kink, or provide a gentle aftercare. interesngly enough, they will always have some fixation on some part of your body. it can seem weird but you find it very cute that they are drawn to it.

thank u for making it this far, i really hope you enjoyed reading some of these. if you feel like this was accurate or inaccurate let me know i would love to hear ur standpoint and do let me know of any other ones you would like me to do. <3

[nayatarot777]

how do they view you? • love/crush pick-a-card

i don’t do love readings usually (because they’re just usually not of interest to me) but i’m trying to soften my heart so here’s a lil something for you guys 😂

• pile one •

your person views you as someone who can be very verbally defensive or someone who can really hurt people with their words. the things that you say could be very harsh or damaging. i’m also seeing that they may view you as argumentative, whether this energy is directed towards them or other people. they do view you as very unattainable to them - perhaps because of all of this energy - but they also see you as extremely intuitive and psychic. you know things that not just anyone could see or know. they also feel like you’re quick to speak up for yourself when you realise that some bs is going on. and i feel like they recognise that situations that someone is trying to bully you in or play you in some way are the situations when you can get very vicious with your words. you’re quiet and perceptive for the most part until you need to defend yourself. there’s another card about you having very strong boundaries and being defensive - again, whether this is just with them or other people. this plays into the viewpoint of you being unattainable for them. you don’t play about your energy so when someone fucks with your energy you’re quick to put them back in their place and put up boundaries between the two of you. they view you as someone who doesn’t play around. i’m living for your energy, pile one, i’m ngl 😂. dark feminine energy to the fullest 👏🏾

this person might not know how to feel about you. they have multiple feelings about you that they can’t really make sense of. they also view you as someone who has many options in your love life. like you could have anyone that you want. and that’s probably from your high standards and your boundaries. because they know that you know this already. they view you as someone who’s emotions mix with their logic. they believe that if it doesn’t make sense for you to love someone - you won’t. it’s as simple as that. i feel like you guys aren’t the people who can easily be played because you won’t allow yourself to be played again and again by the same person. you have too much awareness of your worth and what you’re deserving of for that bullshit. they feel like you’re quick to cut off people who you’re romantically involved with if they try to play games with you. you’re not one of those people who settle for less than what you know you’re deserving of. you’re extremely loving. but you’re not a fool with your love. you rationally think about where and who you should direct it to. who deserves it and who doesn’t. so whoever’s coming towards you needs to come correct. periodddd 💅🏾

i love this 🤭

find the extended audio reading about how they feel about you here on patreon

• pile two •

your person views you as extremely self-sufficient. self-sufficient in terms of your finances, physical stability, and/or your self esteem. they don’t view you as someone who relies on another person for anything that you know you can give to yourself. and even if you feel like you can’t give something to yourself in the current moment, you will find a way to get it for yourself. you could definitely be in a relationship with this person already. if so, then they feel like you’ve helped them to build a really successful life with you. you’ve made it easy to create a happy life, a happy home, and/or a happy family. for those of you who haven’t done those things with this person, then they view you as someone who they could have a really good relationship with. because they believe that you’re very good at teamwork. at working with someone to create stability. they may feel like your independence and your hard work to build stability for yourself is fuelled by a lot of pain and trauma. perhaps childhood trauma from when you didn’t have (or were prevented from having) stability and happiness growing up. for someone specific, this person knows about a divorce or a splitting of your family - whether this is your split or your parents’. and they believe that’s why you prioritise your self-stability and creating happy connections and spaces for you to thrive in.

you’re a go-getter, pile two. you have extremely strong masculine energy regardless of your gender. they view you as a creative. a visionary that will always go after your goals in the most efficient way possible. they also view you as a great leader. especially if you’re a boss/managers/in a position of authority at work. or if you’re the one who primarily runs things in your household. they just view you as someone who’s constantly knowing how to direct people to work together to create harmony in the workplace or at home. and if not, then they just view you as someone who has mastered self-governance (another thing that you could’ve been prevented from in the past). they view you as someone who has been through a lot in life. someone who has been hurt and beaten down repetitively. but you’re still standing and putting in the work to maintain yourself in life. you’re not someone who gives up despite all of the bs that’s thrown your way. due to all of your negative experiences and trauma, you’re someone with extremely strong boundaries. someone who’s very protective of self and of the people who you love and care for (such as your family). if any of you are parents, this person views you as a mama/papa bear 😂. they feel sorry for anyone who tests your kids lmaoo. they can tell that you’re someone who fights your hardest to defend your loved ones from the feelings and experiences that you’ve had to endure yourself. there’s a lot of respect for you from this person because of your history - and because you’ve accumulated so much self respect for yourself despite all of this.

find the extended audio reading about how they feel about you here on patreon

• pile three •

just like pile one, your person views you as someone who knows how to defend yourself in arguments or from verbal attacks. there’s also something about you being stubborn with your beliefs or what you know. once you know something about someone or a situation, nobody can tell you shit. you stick to what you know and what you believe. you’re not easily manipulated. you’re someone who’s also an extremely hard worker. you’re viewed by this person as someone who’s focused on really perfecting your craft. maybe even a perfectionist as a character trait. and now i’m hearing “one track mind”. when you’re focused on something, you’re FOCUSED. they believe that you have a lot of places that you want to go in life, and it seems like you’re always moving forward onto the next thing to work on and perfect. they see you as someone who has the whole world in your hands and you’re not stopping for anyone.

they feel like they don’t know that much about you. like you’re secretive (whether this is purposeful or not). they can’t just guess your personality or what type of person you are with other people like they might be able to with others. they do view you as someone who’s extremely sweet and kind though. and this might surprise them in a way, because it’s not commonly seen from you - at least to them. there’s a masculine energy to you that has flickers of really feminine, sweet, loving energy - and that’s probably why they can’t make much sense of you. you’re extremely focused on work, it seems. or on your own personal development journey. they see you as someone who’s going after creating the life that you want. they can tell that you’re serious about your life. your person views you as someone with A LOT of potential. but not even just in terms of a relationship, but in terms of your life in general. they can tell that you go after opportunities - especially opportunities with work and money.

i had to pull more cards for you guys than i did for the other piles, and i really feel like it’s because this person barely knows anything about you. but they definitely admire the little about you that they do see.

find the extended audio reading about how they feel about you here on patreon

[arrowfleur]

Sam fandom thoughts

Although I can honestly see both sides of what the fandoms been saying about the recent Sam developments I think it’s important to remember that Sam and Darlin are both extremely traumatised characters. Their relationship isn’t going to be ‘normal’. Their coping mechanisms, their timing with events, everything to do with their relationship is different to one of non-traumatised characters if that makes sense?

There are definitely a lot of ways to look at how they handle things, like how Sam being ready for sex and biting with Darlin were both after life-altering events. Would it be nice for them to come to these points in there relationship in a ‘healthier’ way? Yes it would.

But that’s literally not how their brains work. I’m not trying to patronise their characters. Their actions are still their actions, they are grown adults and shouldn’t be minimised to just what’s happened to them. But the things they’ve gone through aren’t just side story’s or plots for comfort audios.

Trauma scientifically changes the way your brain works, it can literally change who you are as person. And for Sam in particular he’s canonically never been in a healthy situation besides his relationship with Darlin (and the Shaw pack).

So if the way they do things kinda seems off to the average folk, that’s normal. Sam literally says ‘it’s not weird, it’s us.’ It’s how THEY handle things.

There’s nothing wrong with disliking it, with wishing it was different or with completely enjoying it. But I think it’s something we don’t keep in mind in this context enough.

I’ve been an avid Sam fan since he got a playlist on the channel and even to me some things seem rushed or ‘strange’ but that’s because I’m not the characters, I haven’t gone through what they have, and in some lights it’s kind of refreshing to see how relationships between different people with different pasts can develop. Instead of a character going through something horrendous having a cry about it and then going back to their old self.

Plus both of their main traumas come from their past sexual partners so yeah sex is gonna be involved in how they deal with things makes sense

[butchsophiewalten]

03/03/24 Twitter Space Recap (2/2)

After the other Twitter Space which I already made a recap for, Martin, Eva ("Bon" and Bon's VA), Coral (Susan's VA), and Kyle (Boozoo & Charles' VA) reconvened for another space, this time with a Q&A focus, later in the day. This one was really long, and they talked about a lot, but I've summarized it here to the best of my ability:

-Someone asks "What would Jenny major in college? Because it's implied that she's in college." Martin answers (reiterating an answer he gave in a previous Space) that she studies psychology. Coral chimes in to say that they think Jenny would understand Sophie and her trauma a lot better for it, and Martin agrees, saying "Yeah, yeah, I think Jenny has a really good understanding of how Sophie thinks because of that."

-Someone asks "Hypothetically, which Tyler, The Creator album would be Sophie's favorite?". Martin answers that he thinks it would be Flower Boy.

-"When Jack and Rosemary argue, Jack sleeps on the couch and he goes to Molly, and he goes like 'Hey, could you go pick that up for me? I don't want to enter the room,' 'cause, like, whenever Rosemary is mad she's actually really scary. So Jack just doesn't- doesn't get involved. He just sleeps on the couch."

-Eva goes, "Martin, didn't we agree before that if Sophie and Brian ever met, Sophie would just kick his ass?". Martin answers, "Yeah, Sophie would hate Brian."

-"Okay, here's a Jophie fact, Jophie wasn't even supposed to be, like, an actual relationship, at first. Originally, it was gonna be, like, they would gradually start dating as the series went on. But then, we were like, Y'know what, it's way easier if they are already a couple... Imagine if you're going through the animatronic drama, and simultaneously it's just these two girls falling in love, in the middle of all that shit."

-"Will Richie appear again?" At this point the battery in Martin's phone has died, but nobody has noticed, so Eva steps in to answer, "Martin has had plans to bring Richie back for more stuff, but he hasn't really done anything with him yet, but I dunno." Kyle says he doesn't remember who Richie is, which is really funny to me.

-Someone asks if either Sophie or Jenny would like Weezer, and Coral says they think Jenny would like them unironically, but Sophie would like something like Buddy Holly ironically. Martin answers, "Y'know, I think Sophie- I've always thought that Sophie isn't the kinda person to like- like, experimental or artistic stuff too much, because she's like a very- a person that gets confused very easily. So, she would listen to stuff like Weezer and she would think internally, like, 'what the fuck is this?', but she'd go like "Oh, this is fire, Jenny, I love- I love it."'

-Kyle says he thinks it's important for Jenny to be a bit of a loser, in an endearing way. Eva slightly disagrees, saying Jenny would probably be the cool one between them, while Sophie is an absolute loser. Martin says, "I was trying to say, before we change the subject, the way I see it is that, to me, Sophie has a lot of like, street smarts, and Jenny is more like a very dorky person that probably just, like, lived a very normal and fulfilled life, y'know? She just, like, lived in the suburbs, with supporting people in her life. I think Sophie, yeah, she's kind of loser, but I think, in a way, in my opinion I think Sophie's a little braver than Jenny is. I've always seen them like that."

-Coral says, "I feel like Sophie wouldn't really know how to emote properly." and Martin says, emphatically, that she doesn't. Coral describes a scenario where Jenny is upset or scared by something, and is crying. and how Sophie would try her best to comfort her, but would really not know what to do, and would struggle immensely in a situation like that. Martin adds an anecdote, "Yeah, no, I-I told this to Eva one time, Sophie doesn't cry. Jenny has never- has never seen Sophie cry, ever."

-Eva says, "I think, like, um- [Sophie's], like, lack of really, like, full awareness of what's going on for episode 3- like, seeming really 'dead', the whole time, is like- while it could be seen as like, bad writing, it- I think it also can be taken as a part of her character. And that's also, like, further emphasized in future episodes, and here emotions are just, like really--" and Coral interrupts, saying, "No offense to Martin, but I feel like it's a mix of both."

Martin says, ""Yeah, it's a mix of both. It- the intention of making her seem like someone who wasn't really 'in there', at the time, someone who wasn't really like, aware of what's going on, is just like, barely even phased by it, was there, but it was just mostly bad writing. The way I see it is that, back then I didn't trust the series as much as I trust it now, so I was always making sure that people would understand stuff the way that I intended it to, and that resulted in Sophie just saying everything out loud. Like, 'this is very weird!'"

-Eva talks for a bit about how she gets frustrated when Crystal, Sophie's VA, gets criticism over her performance, when the problem really laid with Martin's writing. She says that one of her favorite aspects of Crystal's performance as Sophie is that she sounds very childlike, not in the way of her actually being a child, but in seeming very much like someone who never really grew out of being a child.

On this topic, Martin says, "Or- to me, more like Sophie being someone who never grew out of being a child- is someone who was forced to grow up very quickly. So, so she doesn't know how to be- she didn't get to know how to be a child, but she didn't get to know how to be an adult, either. So she's, like, stuck and is constantly- she doesn't really know what to do most of the time, because- she doesn't really understand what she's supposed to do and how she's supposed to do things."

-Eva says, "Sophie is like, probably one of the most interesting characters in the series to me, and I can't wait for her to come back, 'cause she's so interesting." and Martin responds, "Oh, yeah! I really- because I think if she comes back, she's gonna feel so different, with like, the new style of writing, and stuff. I think, um, something I really like about Sophie is that, uh, I really like how people think of Sophie like this fucking girl- oh, I mean, back in the day, I don't know how it is now, but back in the day people would think Sophie would be like, this very soft and shy person, but, no, in a way, Sophie's a very mean person! She's like, something I always thought about when it comes to her character is that she is- she has so many weak, like, social skills, that she usually gets very defensive with anybody."

-Eva talks about how Sophie is definitely a very walled-off and antisocial person, and how she tends to push people out of her life, aside from Jenny, and Martin says, "And, like, Sophie fucking hated Jenny at the beginning. [laughing] Like, she didn't hate her, but I remember telling you specifically how they met, and it took a while- not- not a while-while, but it took some time for Sophie to get used to Jenny, and actually start developing feelings for her." Coral compares the evolution of their relationship to the process of taming a feral cat.

-Eva says, "Someone said, 'What animal would Sophie be if she was an animal,' I think she'd be a deer." Martin says, "I think she'd be a WOLF! A WEREWOLF!" Kyle says he thinks if Sophie is a deer, Jenny should be a moose.

-Martin reads a question, "'Besides painting, what other art does Rose make?' Okay, this was an idea from back when Coker was part of the team, that, we wanted to make, like, a third Showstopper album, which was going to be songs composed by Rose. So, Rose was kind of like a songwriter."

-Eva says, "Someone asked for a Richie fact, and asked if he's friends with Chris." Martin hems and haws, going "Oh, I wanna talk about it, but I don't know if I should!", but then says, "Yeah, they're friends."

Kyle says he thinks they would hold hands, "In a platonic way, because it's cold outside." Martin jokes, saying, "I think they would hold hands... in a romantic way!"

-Martin reads a question, saying he thinks Kyle would enjoy answering it, "Is Felix Kranken religious? If so, what's his religion?", and Kyle says he has an idea that Felix isn't religious and never has been, but during his lowest moments in life, he prays. "He is an incredibly superstitious person, so when the going gets really bad, all he can think to do is drop to his knees, and just home that somebody's listening."

Martin says, "The Waltens actually- I mean, Sophie, Edd, and Molly aren't, but Jack and Rosemary are Christian." Eva jokes that she thinks Edd & Molly are Satanists.

-Coral asks what everything thinks is the worst thing Edd & Molly have done, and Martin says, "From the top of my head, like something I'm just making up, I really think something they would do, is they would buy all of Jack's socks, and change them for smaller ones so they don't fit his feet. So he has to go to work with, like, really tiny socks."

-Eva reads a question, "Where's Brian Stells hiding? Like, where's his spirit hiding." Martin and Eva both say that they think his ghost lingered around for a while, but that he probably just died. Like, nothing special happened to his ghost. Eva shares an idea she has, that Bon probably realized, at some point while killing Brian, that he wasn't Sophie, but continued to mutilate him out of anger that he wasn't her.

-Martin goes, "What do you think made him realize [that Brian wasn't Sophie]? I like to think that Bon looked at him, and was like, 'wait, Sophie's not fucking blonde, is she?', and he took like three seconds to remember."

-Eva reads, "Can we get a CyberTelly fact?" and Kyle answers, "CyberTelly used to be a car salesman before he joined Bon's Burgers."

-Eva goes, "Wait, Martin, didn't we agree at one point that Bon would have a ridiculous amount of exes? He's like Ramona Flowers?" and Martin laughs and agrees emphatically. He says, "So fucking funny- Bon has a fucking ex-wife that's literally just a female version of Bon. Like, Bon with a pink bowtie."

-Eva says, "Someone just asked, 'What's Richie's last name', can we just come up with the stupidest last name for him on the spot?". They spitball a bunch of really stupid answers, and land on "Richie Ratterson".

-Martin reads a question, "'Are we going to see Showbear's replacement in 5 & 6?' Yep!"

-They start talking about how Felix has a new voice actor, but at the time of the Space, they hadn't actually told him yet, that he had been picked to be Felix's new VA. They invite him to the stream and tell him live! He's very thankful and very surprised. You can find him on Twitter Here!

-Martin posted this (and deleted it after five seconds) to celebrate Felix's new voice actor. Isn't it nice don't you guys love it

After posting this he kept going "Toxic Yaoi!" in a very sing-song way.

-Coral complains that they never got kissing art when they became a VA for The Walten Files, so Martin drew this for them, and again deleted it after a couple seconds:

-Coral talks about a while about how, just before the Space, everyone speaking in the space (minus Connor, Felix's new VA) watched the finished portions of TWF6. They gush for a bit about just how good it was, and how nice it was to see everyone's hard work come together and how glad they are that everyone seems so proud of and happy with the episode.

-Martin answers a question, "Please, Martin, can you draw Felix and "Bon", I'll take it over Jelix, please don't draw that again," with, "Don't worry, don't worry, you're going to see Felix and "Bon", eventually."

-Martin talks for a bit about how he found out PepsiCo supports Israel, and how mad he is, because in Bon's Burgers there's a Pepsi ad on the wall, and it's in virtually every scene, and can't be removed. He apologizes preemptively, saying "I created that map before being made aware of that, so I'm sorry in advance for that."

-In the last minute of the space, Martin attempts a lightning round Q&A session, answering as many questions as he can as quickly as he can. Here are those answers:

-"Would Jenny listen to Ska? Okay, sure, why not."

-"Do Derek Collins and/or Frank Davis appear in 5 or 6? Yeah, Derek appears."

-"Would Sophie be an Undertale fan? No."

-My audio blipped out this part of the recording, so I can't transcribe it, but someone asked who would win in a fight, Jack or Susan. Martin initially answered Jack, but after thinking about it for another moment, decides Susan would probably win.

-"Is Susan and cat or dog person? Probably cat."

[saturn-star-light]

im bored on the bus so have a tangent about melanie king because i love her (spoilers ahead)

melanie’s character is so beautifully complex and tma really pulled it off so so well, especially her relationship with jon.

they didn’t ever like each other, not once in the whole podcast. BUT they were forced into a situation where they had to cooperate. neither of them liked it, but the bond they formed through their traumas was definitely a strong one. i really enjoy the fact that at the end he goes to melanie for help, and she essentially says she’d help with literally anything else except what he was asking. she knows herself and her limits by the end, but would also be willing to forgive and even be friends with jon if there was no element of supernatural danger involved.

also, a lot of her anger throughout the story is completely justified, even if her ways of expressing it are extreme- but then again, the situations she found herself in were extreme, so no one can really blame her for acting that way. melanie didn’t quite know what she was dealing with but she knew it was bad and that it needed to stop, so she tried her very best to do just that. there’s a difference between bravery and sheer hatred for a situation you’ve been forced into, but melanie displays a perfect mix of these things in different ways. especially post-impromptu-surgery by jon, her bravery is in her vulnerability. she apologizes for stabbing him, she wants to go to therapy, and she wants to help herself not be so angry- even if that anger had helped her get where she wanted to be in the past.

and her anger is through much more obvious points, ones impacted by the Slaughter- trying to poison elias, killing all of the bone thingies, stabbing jon, yelling at people to make her points. she still was taking action in attempt to better her situation.

we get to see these things mixed a bit with her cult. she definitely is not opposed to taking violent action, but we also get to see her vulnerable side more. whether it’s georgie, the admiral, or strangers she’s given shelter, she knows there’s something she can do to help, and she does it because she cares. not just because she’s angry. even when jon and martin came and she knew they could be a risk to everyone there, she tolerated their presence because she didn’t want them to die.

aaand idk i love her idk if this makes any sense, lemme know if you’d like me to continue it tho :)

if anything in here strays from cannon it’s cause it’s been a few months since i finished tma and i don’t remember everything so pls be kind 😭

[cosmicjoke]

Well, chapter 55 of Saezuru was a doozy.

Where to even start, I wonder.

Well, I'll just start with the thing that jumps out at me most this chapter, and that's actually Tsunakawa, and the impression of him I'm left with.

I know everyone keeps going on about how hot he is in this chapter, but I think people are kind of missing the point with him. With ALL these characters, really, except Yashiro and Doumeki, which is that they're all bad people, Tsunakawa included. Tsunakawa comes across to me as a total psychopath in this chapter, when we get to see his history with Kai and how that all ties into what's going on now with Okuyama and the kidnapping, etc... Kai even says that Tsunakawa isn't the "kind of guy" to just let things go. Tsunakawa, in the past, wasn't satisfied with simply regaining the money that Kai had robbed one of his clients of, but wanted to, out of what seemed to me an inclination toward petty violence and sadism, to both physically hurt and humiliate Kai, and in the process, throw an at the time desperate Okuyama under the bus and destroy his reputation. We basically get shown here that what's happening to Tsunakawa now, and his group, including his daughter being kidnapped, is a result of his own past refusal to show any kind of mercy or leniency. Kai stole the money to begin with because he was upset at Tsunakawa for choking him and humiliating him, just for carrying out one of his own orders in the "wrong place". All this bad shit, including Yashiro now being dragged into this situation and placed directly in danger because of it, is basically Tsunakawa's own fault.

Now the reason I think this is important is because after we're shown all of this, we then see Tsunakawa order Doumeki to stay away from Yashiro. He doesn't like Yashiro, and he doesn't want Yashiro involved particularly WITH Doumeki. Remember he had Kamiya spying on Doumeki and Yashiro specifically because he was suspicious of their relationship. I think Tsunakawa is very petty and very selfish, like most of these men in the Yakuza, something that I think is backed up by what we see of him in this chapter, and he's become possessive of Doumeki, similarly to how Misumi is possessive of Yashiro. He says he'll talk directly to Misumi to settle the matter, which I think also shows a disregard for Yashiro's own agency. I see a lot of parallels between Misumi and Tsunakwa at this point. They've both endangered the people that matter to them, in one way or another, by being petty and selfish.

Now if Misumi DOES get involved, and finds out what Yashiro's been up to, and particularly, finds out about his re-connection with Doumeki, that also complicates things, and worries me a lot. Misumi is violent, and Tsunakawa is violent, and they're both willing to kill and maim to hold on to what they think belongs to them.

It feels to me like this is being set up as almost a tug-of-war between Misumi and Tsunakawa, and Yashiro and Doumeki.

It doesn't help that Kai now knows who Yashiro is and his involvement with Doshenkai. Yashiro isn't aware that Kai knows about his connection to Doumeki, and thus Tsunakawa's group either, which leaves him and Doumeki vulnerable.

I have a feeling this could all turn very ugly, very fast, and the fallout has the potential to be devastating.

All that aside, Doumeki's reaction to Inami's revelation about Yashiro is also really interesting. He tells Inami, before he finally leaves him, that he's "disgusting", and then we see Doumeki sitting in his car, recalling the sexual encounters he's had with Yashiro recently, with what I think is a really stricken expression.

Now, I don't know if his expression is indicative of him realizing that he's "broken" Yashiro, like Yashiro begged him not to four years previous, him realizing that he's bound Yashiro to him, truly, and in the process destroyed his only coping mechanism to deal with his trauma, or if it's an expression of guilt, maybe, for being rough and unkind with Yashiro, only to now understand that Yashiro wants to be treated kindly and gently. His comment to Inami about being "disgusting", and his immediate reaction afterward makes me think Doumeki is feeling a sense of guilt and self-deprecation again for, in his mind, behaving toward Yashiro like Inami might (he hasn't, of course, but we know Doumeki's tendency to think badly of himself, or fear that he's like his father, etc...). But then, him looking again at the memory card with the video of Inami and Yashiro, as if contemplating watching it, has me wondering if he's afraid to confirm what Inami claims about Yashiro's impotency, because it will confirm for him that Yashiro indeed has feelings for him. Doumeki's in a bad situation, if that's the case, because he's beholden now to Tsunakawa. We have to remember a recurring theme in Saezuru is that love can't exist in a world like that of the Yakuza. It isn't compatible with that world.

Well, we'll have to wait and see with the next chapter I suppose. Doumeki came back, after all, which goes directly against Tsunakawa's orders. So we see he's willing to disobey his new boss out of his desire to be near Yashiro. How this plays out is anyone's guess.

[dinitride-art]

Au fics that i think are neat and that i want to compile into a list because im trying to figure out how to comment on a chapter of a fic but i need time to sort out my thoughts (usually for fic recs i try to rec fics with less kudos/engagement because reasons but im just gonna throw everything in this list. probably multiple fics by the same author in the same universe because thats the one im trying to sort out my thoughts on.)

the strawberries are dying by eggowlss - historical fiction and very interesting character relationships and also character exploration within the time period. I really like this one because the pacing and tone are very gentle. There’s a srt of ebb and flow to the story that makes both the time period and the characters really fit into it. idk how to describe it i just like it a lot.

in the quiet of the night (acswy ao3 series) - they’re putting those characters in situations. It’s a very good time. 10/10 do recommend. If you haven't heard of this one though, it’s basically a modern au where everyone works at a summer camp and Mike and Will cause problems for themselves, each other, and usually everyone else around them. 

si vis amari, ama by perexcri - demons and angels and heaven and hell and its honestly just one hell of a story. like ive got vivid images in my head of scenes i imagined when reading this. 

you start to kiss (and the record skips) by eclipseadventure - this is a band au with a side of a secret relationship and im a sucker for secret relationships. a bit of drama/high stakes in here too which is always pretty fun. 

End Racism on the OTW! - you and me and the horrible teenaged ghost who keeps eviscerating himself in our apartment makes three by TheWrongKindOfPC - i am also a sucker for buzzfeed unsolved aus. buzzfeed unsolved, hauntings, ghosts, yknow the fun stuff. 

into the daylight by andiwriteordie - THIS IS NOT THE FIRST ONE, it’s just the first one that came up in my bookmarks. anyways, this is the second fic in a fantasy au series. The worldbuilding is really cool and there’s magic and history and politics and i like it a lot. the most recent chapter is spinning around in my mind.

the heartbreak prince by andiwriteordie - THIS IS THE FIRST ONE. 

beneath these boughs, my devotion blooms by perexcri - this is the fic that nearly killed me. i literally cant summarize it because im still recovering from what happened to me when i read it. Did i read it in april? Maybe. Listen, it had me asking questions about things i had never considered before. its 11k but im pretty sure it took me a good few hours to read because it made me think about it so much. again, ive got a bunch of visuals running through my head. its just... so much.

sweetheart, you're so cruel by perexcri - Mike’s in a band, Will’s a music snob, they’re both contemplating their life choices. very fun, very interesting, also made me think about some things. 

keep it hush by wiseatom - theres an amusement park and the horrors of customer service. and some other stuff but basically its pretty bright (the visuals of the fic in my head are bright- like sun glinting off metal- and idk how else to describe it)

the start of an age by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - this ones funny and serious at times and its got Max in it. fantasy au with prince will and knight mike and a secret relationship and a small scheme between three parties that involves a fake (ish) marriage. 

superhero therapy by silverluminoqity - spiderman au with a side of trauma and healing? it’s complicated theres stuff happening, i had a good time reading it. 

you've got this spell on me by andiwriteordie - this one was really fun. basically its a fantasy au theres magic and mike gets himself hit with a spell that makes him fall in love with will and will freaks out about it for a while.

Daydream by disaster_energy - i really really liked this fic. its a fantasy au and its got gods and stuff and will gets chosen by the moon goddess because hes Will and everyone is like... woah.

takes one to know one by andiwriteordie - i also liked this one a lot, its a superhero au and its got ironic (like... dramatic irony- i think is what im talking about? maybe? but like fun irony) secret identities. 

Love goes 'round by evil_ontheinside - conversations in a laundry mat. mikes flopping (as in, flopping around like a fish) around a bit and this was pretty cute. 

my promise could be your fiend (could be the smallest of signs) by s0ld_it - spider man au, theres a bookstore involved and a lot of stuff. ive read this fic twice and greatly enjoyed it both times. 

Tip-toeing on Lily-pads by cherryisgone - very very fun, fantasy au and... mike gets cursed to be a frog. can only be un-cursed with a kiss. 

filling in the blanks as we go by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - bookstore meetcute

there’s more but i spent all day painting my room and i am tired. Ive also got way too many bookmarks to go through and i have decided to stop here. still haven't figured out how to write that comment (but i am working on it because i love the fi(s) and ive been thinking about one specific thing that came up in a new chapter for so long). anyways, i hope someone enjoys this list of au fics from my bookmarks. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my mother and MIL selfish, insecure, pieces of shit over a friend's necklace?

Some background: I, 25F, just married the love of my life, who we'll call J.

I was introduced to J in our junior year of high school by our mutual friend, who we'll call G. G has always been a super important person to us. She is one of our best friends, and the three of us are very close. She was actually the first person we told when we started dating. We are both pretty protective over G, as she is autistic and has crippling anxiety and struggles a lot day to day. She was actually living with us when this story occurred because she had been spiraling on her own, and her parents lived too far for her to commute to her work from their house. She's been in therapy for years and has been doing a lot better than when we first met her, but we still tend to be pretty protective over her, as she has very few friends besides us. We often joke that she's our practice kid because she goes everywhere with us and has a complete lack of common sense despite being one of the smartest people I know.

In the last week of our junior year, J gave me, G, and another friend of his, necklaces that he made. They were nothing fancy, just pieces of rocks that he carved (?) and tied a string around, but G loved it. It acted as a reminder that she had people who cared about her when her anxiety spiked, and she's worn it almost every day for the last 9 years, to the point where J replaced the string with a thin chain because it broke from use. It's a comfort item, and wearing it is part of her routine.

Another important thing to note is that J and I both have pretty bad relationships with all of our parents. Both of our parents are messily divorced, and the only ones we visit regularly are my dad and stepmom. We still decided to invite all of them to the wedding and involve our mom's in the wedding party to avoid drama, and because some small part of me still wanted my mom to be involved in my wedding like a real parent.

Shortly before our wedding, I was talking to my mom and J's mom in our kitchen about some details for the wedding party and the bridesmaid and groomsmen accessories. I made a joke that no matter what we picked, G would be wearing her necklace. They wanted to know what I meant, and while I was explaining, G came into the kitchen to grab a snack. (Side note: neither of them like G, and my mom in particular has made several abelist comments in the past about her stimming or lack of social awareness) When I was done, my mom turned to G and asked if she was going to wear it at our wedding. Confused, G said yes, and my mom lost it. She called her disrespectful and accused her of trying to break up me and J because J gave her that necklace, and it was bad manners to wear a present from the groom or something. J's mom backed her up and said a lot of awful things I won't repeat, but were really abelist, arophobic (G is open about being aromantic), and included several slurs.

I was completely blindsided. I knew they had those awful opinions, but I had never heard them do anything even remotely close, and I sat there stunned at first until G started to cry and hyperventilate (she has trauma around situations similar to this, and she was already on edge because of a recent death in her family). When that happened, it was like a switch flipped. I got between G and my mom, who at this point had gotten out of her seat and was getting close to G. I told them both to get out, and when they refused I told them they were selfish, insecure, pieces of shit, that they had no right to say any of that to G, and that just because they couldn't keep their husband's didn't mean they had any right to interfere and try to create problems where there weren't any.

At this point, J came home and saw G panicking and immediately reacted. He told our moms to leave, and this time, they left. After they left, it took us almost 2 hours to calm G down from her panic attack, and the whole time, I was boiling with rage over the interaction. After she fell asleep, I told J what had happened. He was completely on my side, and we even discussed banning them from the wedding unless they apologized. G has been far more supportive of us than they have been, and if I had to choose, I would rather have her by my side on my wedding day. Ultimately, we let G decide since she was the one they went after, and she said she would be okay, so they came to the wedding and thankfully didn't mention the necklace at all. However, they told our respective families what happened, and I've been getting texts from family members telling me I went too far in bringing up their divorces, and that I should apologize, especially since the fight was over something as small as a necklace.

I don't think I was wrong to defend G, but I know I tend to overreact in situations where she is involved, and J is as bad as I am. So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[astroyongie]

Aespa April Reading 2024

Note: please take it lightly

Karina

Love: As I have said on discord, I do believe that Karina is still dating that actor and that the news released were simply to shut the public's annoying comments about their relationship. his strong presence is still all over her energy and she doesn't seem to be heart broken whatsoever 

Career: She is a little confused and upset that her dating news have affected her image and the group’s. She bçames herself a little but she is also upset with the management team of the company for allowing this to come out more than it should have been. Karina is the type that doesn't like to tangle her love life with her professional one

Self: She is doing okay, mentally and physically she is doing fine. Karina is also building  a lot of character within herself and she has been feeling less and less patient when it comes to mistreatment and unfairness 

Giselle

Love: Things between her and the person she was seeing (and which was exclusive) is finished. Giselle is rather heartbroken by it because she was starting to get attached and develop feelings but that neither person has decided to call it quits. she is rather on a more sad energy due to this set back 

Career: She is trying to focus on her career, however it feels like Giselle wants to try something new for her (she wants to try other stuff and not only singing and dancing). i have no idea if that project of hers will come to fruition but for now she is trying to get some opportunities involving this new page on her career

Self: Her mental health is tangled with a lot of thoughts that aren't good for her. She often has negative self-talk and she is restraining herself for no reason. There’s a lot of psychosomatic reaction from her body that are just her emotional side manifesting 

Winter

Love: Nothing has changed since February. Winter is still dating the same person and still having complications in her relationship with them. due to the over codependency they have both enabled (trauma bounded perhaps) and also the arguments and miscommunication that are making the relationship complicated. but none of them wants to call it quits. 

Career: She isn't very happy with her current situation at her work. It feels like she's a little tired with her schedules and that it feels too repetitive for her (since she wants something new for her career and also an opportunity to show more sides of her idol image). Winter is also dream fed by her sponsor which isn't helping 

Self: Both her body and her mind are on the verge of collapsing. I feel like she hasn't been eating much and the pressure and responsibilities down on her shoulders could make her break at any moment. she has too much too unpack and havent had the opportunity to princess anything 

Ningning

Love: Girly is still dating the same person she was seeing in february and everything is going fine between them. She is secure financially and emotionally and they also have a good relationship altogether. There isn't much to add in this other that she is happy and fulfilled. 

Career: Ningning is also probably the only one that is rather satisfied with her current status. She ain't wishing for more and she is happily content with what she has at the moment. i don't feel like she is eager for more because she knows the work it requires and therefore she prefers to enjoy things as they are now 

Self: She is okay, both mentally and physically. She is working a lot on herself and on her skills as well. Ningning is someone that keeps improving day by day, as an artist but also as a human as she wants to be the best version of herself.

[lovelycleon]

Hello there

I recently had a horrific argument because some people can’t let a ship just be a ship. I genuinely have my fun and love for Cleon and it getting attacked was too much. However the person I got into a fight with also told me to count up 3 reasons why they should work. And I couldn’t believe that I had to think about it and it took longer than it should have. Out of curiosity…if you had to count up three reasons what would it be?

Hello!

I'm pretty sure I've already answered a question like this at some point, or at least the answer is spread out somewhere in several of my posts over the last 3 years.

But don't worry, I will try to make a short summary of the 3 things about Cleon that would make them work as a couple:

1.They have a lot in common.

Although their work occupies most of Leon and Claire's lives, through the franchise they have shown very similar everyday interests and hobbies:

Such as love for motorcycles. Capcom made Leon and Claire the official bikers of the franchise, always putting little references here and there in games and movies;

Their whole style. The taste for custom leather jackets, obviously, but also many other alternative outfits. Believe me, of almost all of Claire's costumes, Leon has one somewhere to match.

Even the same kind of sense of humor, with similar one liners, bad good jokes and literary references that I posted here many times before;

It would be easy to imagine what their life together would be like outside of work, on a daily basis with so much in common and the banter they have when they are together.

2.They have the same morals.

Despite following different paths in the fight against bioterrorism, Leon and Claire carry the same code on how to act in certain situations:

Like the idea that both have already stated about not giving up the fight in the name of their comrades who died alongside them (Damnation, Heavenly Island);

The strong will to protect those in need, like Sherry, Ashley and others, no matter how impossible the mission seems or what has to be done;

Not blindly believing in something and always questioning and digging deep when something doesn't feel right (Degeneration, Infinite Darkness);

Trying to understand all sides of the situation and even sympathizing with some of the villains they faced (Annette, Rodrigo, Jason, Buddy, Dr. Taylor and more);

Along with many others, sharing these characteristics can bring stability to their relationship. Having them always on the same page, knowing what each one stands for.

3.They can understand each other.

Besides the shared trauma in Raccoon City, Leon and Claire went through very similar traumatic events even on different missions years apart and, in one way or another, felt the same type of pain:

Being kidnapped, infected and subjected to a race against time to save themselves and others (RE4 and REvelations 2);

Having to see their superiors whom they trusted (and are somewhat emotionally involved) become monsters obsessed with power. (Neil and Krauser)

Being used, mistreated and framed... Leon by the government and its corruption; Claire (along with terrasave) by willpharma and later on by Neil and the FBC;

Witnessing friends sacrifice themselves for them... some even in a very similar way: like Gabe and Mike exploding in a helicopter while Claire and Leon can only watch;

Don't get me wrong, a lot of RE characters have trauma and they all can bond through that, it's undeniable. But here, about Leon and Claire, I'm not just talking about "what happened and their reaction", but also HOW it happened and the physical and psychological similarities of each event for them. As if the narrative chooses to create parallels between them.

And this opens the door for a deep interactions (like the one in Degeneration) that can add new layers to their relationship and find comfort in each other.

Now just let me give you a little bonus (because I would like to write a lot more, but that is already too far from the short summary I promised)

4.Their amazing chemistry.

Haters will always try to deny it (and that's expected since they are haters), but the chemistry between Leon and Claire is great.

Not just the way they look and smile at each other, but how they act together and how they care for each other. I mean, Capcom didn't write scenes like Claire's big smile when she sees that Leon is okay, or Leon giving up of himself for Claire's safety, or them flirting cracking jokes in the middle of a zombie outbreak, or running and screaming each of their name in despair as soon as they see the other is injured for nothing.

It's to highlight their chemistry. The chemistry they are writing for Cleon.

Again, haters will always deny it, because it's inconvenient for them, but it's there.

Leon and Claire love and care for each other deeply, they can have fun hobbies, overcome hardships and find comfort together. The entire basis for a healthy relationship is there, written by the devs at Capcom themselves.

We just need to wait and see what they do with it.

[ilikekidsshows]

Lately I've been seeing a lot of people attacking others for shipping a problematic ship in X and this somewhat bring back a bad memories when I was still active in ml tweet back then.

It was around Luka episode introduction, I think when I saw someone asked Thomas about Luka's age and he said Luka is Juleka's brother, older by 2 years. Make senses considering we never see him in Dupont and how he has part time job that time. But I also saw how people feel disgusted because Luka being Marinette love interest who's older than her makes him a potential groomer because of the imbalance power dynamic.

thing is, when I looked back at the reason why people become anti Lukanette and how current Adrienette dynamic is, it become... Very funny if not ironic? Like how they talked about power dynamic and imbalance in Lukanette and yet remain silent at how much imbalance the current Adrienette is. This also make me realize that you don't need to have an age gap in a ship to make an imbalance power dynamic or be the older one in a ship to groom the other, because power isn't always about who's older, but who has more information and knowledge. Maybe I'm jumping too far, idk, but aren't what Ladybug did in s4 basically groomed Cat Noir into obedience? By gaslight him, manipulating information, silent treatment and that judo throw.

---

I will say this: people online have turned the concept of grooming into both this big, scary boogeyman but also this thing that happens constantly with so much ease it could be accidental. Basically, there's this idea that we need to constantly be on the lookout for groomers because the world is crawling with them. There's a reason for this: online fan spaces are easy hunting grounds for groomers and the internet acting as an in-between makes the people involved ignore personal boundaries more easily because it all feels less real. So of course terminally online youths are scared of a threat that exists primarily in terminally online ingroups.

So, a lot of fanspaces treat age differences between characters as inherently suspicious. It doesn't matter if they're both adults or both kids, if there's an age difference, it's “grooming” to these people. Like, yeah, it's reasonable to wonder what someone in a very different life situation would want with someone who’s basically “dragging behind” from their perspective, but sometimes you just like a person and want to hang out with them and don’t necessarily want anything with them. Grooming, in this context, is a very specific thing that isn’t just about age. It’s a pattern of behavior where someone purposefully manipulates someone else to get them to fill a certain role for them, usually that of a romantic and/or sexual partner. Grooming is actions, not a situation.

Not all unequal power dynamics involve grooming, but I get what you mean. It feels like there should be a word to describe this kind of relationship, but there isn't anything specific. It's just “toxic relationship”, “one sided relationship” and “being used” when Marinette is explicitly shown benefiting and preferring when her partner doesn't ever show any personal feelings about anything. She prefers him joking and therefore keeping a distance between herself and his feelings. It’s the same way with Luka, whose family situation makes it look like he’s gone through parentification or at least suffers from abandonment issues, which would make Luka another case of a traumatized boyfriend whose trauma manifests in a way that Marinette can and does take advantage of.

The thing that makes Marinette not the groomer in either of these situations is that she didn't cause these boys to act this way; they conveniently came to her pre-traumatized/conditioned and she merely shamelessly took advantage. In the case of Cat Noir the matter is grayer, since his responses to her are reactions to her treatment of him as someone inconsequential, but him reacting to such treatment with submission instead of outrage was trained into him by Gabriel and Emilie.

[johannestevans]

thinking a lot about boundaries and expectations and like.

the way that "setting boundaries" can be used as a way to set restrictions on the extent to which another person is permitted to have emotions or express those emotions

and especially the way that those boundaries can be established not only as one-sided, but as a way of like. punishing people for asking for change or expressing hurt with how you've tread them or continuing to treat them

idk i'm in a position now where i'm sort of. out of quite an unhealthy situation where several ppl have been pretty hostile to like. my having emotional needs or responding to abusive treatment, and like

idk. none of the people involved are acting truly maliciously, none of them are doing it out of a desire to harm anybody, myself included - it's a combo of like. repeating abusive cycles and patterns in past relationships

and then also just. several people who are unfortunately just. too focused on their own feelings to the exclusion of other peoples', and like. bc they're focused to such an extent on "having space" with their feelings

they're not like. actually reaching out to the people they're having feelings about? not me, not anybody? and it's just that thing of like. if i do something harmful or that feels malicious, i can't apologise for it or clarify it

and then bc i'm like. the singular person who's been pushed to the outside as punishment for saying like. hi, don't shout or scream at me, please work to make me feel cared for and considered in our relationships, do not try to control or "set boundaries" about my relationships with other people or how i act in my own life

whereas for them it's three or four people talking about how malicious or unkind i am, none of them actually talking to me, but just talking in circles about me whilst never talking to me to clarify like

how i feel, especially about the exclusion and social punishment like. they're able to construct a version of me that's pretty separate from the reality, and i'm robbed of humanity? i'm not able to be complex or flawed in the way that they are as individuals in this collective

instead i'm just like. one outsider who is the enemy and can be retroactively considered to always have been the enemy

idk i know that polycule drama isn't new, and that esp when we all have mental illnesses and our own responses to like. anxiety and intimate relationships that might trigger old traumas and bad coping mechanisms like

sometimes shit like this happens, where it's genuinely not people being intentionally malicious or cruel, but it is ultimately doing a lot of harm to others

idk. i've been excluded from a group of people where like. one guy built up and built up resentment toward one trans girl before making her homeless, and then as soon as she was gone, the resentment and social exclusion was turned to me instead

and then in a few more months i'm sure that the like. insiders-vs-outsiders thinking will turn and cannibalise someone else from their social circle, and so on and so forth

and as shitty as this stuff is, it's really difficult to view it objectively from within - and as soon as you try to view it objectively from within, or talk about the genuine harms and risks caused, you become an interruption to the insiders-thinking

so you become a target for exclusion, because you're interrupting the function of or the feelings of the group, and you then become the enemy.

idk. more intelligent and better put-together people than me have talked at length about the connection between domestic abuse and coercive control within intimate relationships and cult behaviours, and obvs with a polycule like

the potential for that cult-like behaviour just becomes heavily exacerbated simply because there's more vectors for it.

idk. i'm sad bc i feel quite used and taken advantage of, and at the same time like a lot of people i love and care for are thinking of me in a way that's really dehumanising, and especially then like

accusing me of being "unwell" whilst not like. talking about ways in which their behaviours have contributed to my mental ill health? esp bc like.

bc after all of the talk of boundaries and "harm" when it comes to expressing one's own feelings, i've been so anxiously aware of overstepping that i'd literally be leaving these people alone for weeks and weeks at a time

where no care would be extended toward me, no one would check in, any hanging out had to be like. aggressively labelled as "casual" and you're not allowed to talk about any of the harmful or shitty stuff, because that ruins the vibe

so it feels like rather than being said out of care or concern for me, i'm being labelled as "unwell" as a way to like. make my responses to abusive treatment automatically irrational, and all of my feelings as worthy of dismissal?

like i've effectively been labelled as a hysteric and told to go to a professional, but even if the waiting list for free counselling was open tomorrow and i went to a counsellor and said

hi, i've been in a relationship with some of these people for a long time, these are things they've done that have made me feel distressed or upset, i have tried to express my feelings in x or y way, the response has been this

any professional worth their salt is gonna say like. well you should work on cultivating other relationships where you feel safe, cared for, respected, and loved.

you should feel safe and free to set reasonable boundaries and expectations, and respect those set by others, without feeling what's being limited is your humanity or your response to abusive or coercive behaviours

and that any relationships that feel so like. distinctly weighted in the favour of the other person to your detriment - especially when it's a group of people who have decided together you're worthy of punishment - should be avoided

idk. i think i probs want to write on this more and maybe do a big personal essay about it because i know it will feel cathartic even if i don't publish it widely or publish it under a pseudonym

and i'm just like. very aware of my own flaws and my own issues, and whilst i do think i'm ultimately like. being treated very poorly here, it's not a black and white thing of people desiring me to be hurt or treated poorly

it's far more a thing of like. not caring that i'm hurt or being treated poorly - or anyone else who's an outsider - because what has become more important is the good of the "group"

and that just. sucks.

it sucks when you realise that like. you can neither reason with the people who you thought loved you, nor connect to them emotionally and with mutual care, because they no longer extend that respect to you, nor feel in extending that vulnerability to you

it's a very profound sense of loss, and i know i'll be grieving it for a while

[mercurytrinemoon]

Astro observations: celebrity edition part 2 aka latest news roundup

⭐️ Dua Lipa announced on her instagram that she's actually a Gemini rising as opposed to Libra. Now my Gemini detector told me that ages ago but I accepted the Libra rising just because it's my default token "plain good looking and polite" sign BUT it actually now makes much more sense in terms of house placements. Her Venus is now cazimi in the 3rd house - house associated with creative writing and thinking. The ever-changing and fast-moving Mercury is now in her 4th house of family and home situation and she's actually been always moving a lot between England and Albania. That healthy domicile Mercury as well as the Sun-Venus conjunction in the 3rd shows her close connection to family overall.

Funnily enough, her discovery took place during Mercury station in her 4th house. Talk about finding out your true roots (astrological, in that instance).

⭐️ We also now have the birth time of Elon Musk, who turns out to be a Cancer rising. Jupiter in his 5th house of children now makes perfect sense with his 11 kids (and probably counting).

⭐️ If you're wondering why Ariana Grande is the way she is, look no further than Moon conjunct Jupiter - aka her 7th house ruler multiply; as well as both being square to the Sun. Usually Sun square Jupiter can point to legal issues and excess while Sun square Moon often points to broken families. Now add that together and you have… a homewrecker, yaaay!

⭐️ I was thinking a lot about Blink 182 and Tom Delonge (his chart resembles mine a bit) due to him rejoining the band last year and now releasing a new Blink album. Natally, he has a retrograde Gemini Mars so I looked at his progressed chart to see the stationary period. Turns out his progressed Mars stationed direct early 2014, followed by progressed Sun entering Aquarius. Early following year the band announced that he left permanently. One of the things he focused on was research on the UFOs and work with the government. Of course, keep in mind progressed Mars stations for quite a while and his issues with the band lasted throughout the whole 2014 so it makes sense that the final split occured a year later. And why Mars? Well it can literally speak about our focus in life and our direction - where we put our energy. Not to mention Mars rules his MC so it brought him a massive turn in his career. So makes sense.

⭐️ Britney Spears just released a memoir book. Putting aside the questionable fact on who really wrote it, it stirred up a lot of drama. Her chart is one big mine but today I'm only focusing on current transits: she just had an eclipse in her first house of Libra. That eclipse landed right on her Pluto, which natally squares Venus (talking about toxic relationships and exposing them). Pluto itself is making last hits to those degrees as well as it's stationing direct in the late Capricorn. Interestingly I think Jupiter being in her 8th house can point to this as well - it lights up all the secrets and talks about working on past traumas. Now, you're also probably thinking, why was she involved with so many iffy people in her life? A lot of things in her chart point to that but what always struck me was her 7th house ruler - a malefic Mars - being in her 12th house of enemies. And it squares Neptune so they're also liars and exploiters.

⭐️ There's been A TON of celebrity breakups during this Venus retrograde season but I'm gonna quickly focus on Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner because their charts are an interesting example. Their synastry is mostly having planets in sister signs but this also means that if one of them gets hit with a transit, so is the other. Involve Saturn in that transit and you get trouble. Saturn is currently in early Pisces, where Sophie has some of her planets in the 12th house (loss, enemies). Her Mars (disputes, cutting) is at 4° of Pisces while Joe's Mars is at 7° Virgo - right opposite that. Saturn transit stirred up some proper drama: and Saturn is also coldness, being restrained and cut off. On top of that they also have their rising signs in the opposite signs of Aries and Libra and we just started having eclipses in those signs earlier this year.

Not to mention Joe's Leo Sun got hit by Venus retrograde and a Uranus square. Among other stuff.

FUN FACT: according to my research they met for the first time in October of 2016 when Jupiter was in Libra. So, interestingly, not only they had Jupiter going through their angles but Jupiter in their Davidson chart is in Libra.

⭐️ Taylor Swift is currently going through her 10th house profection year (Leo). It would make sense then that her career would take a turn this year considering that Venus was retrograding in Leo. Of course as it turned out she had a massive succes with her ongoing world tour, which is said to become the highest grossing tour of all time.

⭐️ A Vogue article popped up about Rita Ora's and Taika Waititi's wedding that took place a year earlier (they kept all the info and date private until now). Jupiter played a huge role in them getting married (as it often does, especially for a couple like them, who have it strong in their charts, which I wrote about HERE). At the time of their wedding Jupiter was at 8° Aries, which for Rita is that sweet spot between her Sagittarius Sun and Venus (4° and 10° respectively) and Leo Jupiter (13°) - as it completed a grand trine in her chart. Transiting Sun was also 12° of Leo, highlighting that trine even more.

Man I love astrology.

For Taika it was pretty prominent as well although his Jupiter aspects were more sign-based. He had a Jupiter return; his Moon is somewhere in the middle of Sagittarius so he received these fire trines as well. Interestingly, at the time of the wedding Saturn was at 22° Aquarius - exactly opposite his Leo Sun but also sextile his natal Jupiter. So for him it had a bit of a Saturnian flavour that called for stability and maturity.

⭐️ Similarly, I just read the other day that Frances Bean Cobain got married earlier this month. She has a Venus-Jupiter conjunction on top of her Virgo ascendant (interestingly Kurt had the trine between Venus and Jupiter - so seems like a family pattern). Also interestingly, transiting Jupiter is currently trining both her Venus and Jupiter (on the day of the wedding it was trining Venus exact), thereby her natal pattern got repeated. Jupiter is also her 7th house ruler.

Her now husband, Riley Hawk is having a nice transit of that Jupiter over his Taurus Moon - and remember, Moon rules the women in your family as well as your wife.

[namig42]

Was chatting with my lovely mutual @mortalasystem about my Wyllstarion fic Just One Yesterday and some of the inspo that got me started on it, and I thought why not share those things with people who might be looking for good recs? With that, here are some of the biggest inspirations for my super involved story!

Friday Nights by @sadinasaphrite

So the first and probably most prominent inspiration for a modern au is this wonderful Bloodweave fic called Friday Nights over on ao3. I really loved the chemistry between Gale and Astarion in this one, and Gale's perspective was very interesting, especially with the mix of magic still in this au. Wonderfully written, very considerate of Astarion's circumstances as a sex worker, and a happy ending to wrap it all up nicely!

Read it on Ao3

Sex worker/Charity worker Halstarion AU by @malacandrax

This comic has nine parts as of now that are all little snippets of Halsin being a concerned social worker and Astarion as a sex worker in a 70s/80s UK setting. OP really took a lot of consideration writing this one and portraying realistic steps that someone in Astarion's situation could take, and I love how they really captured both characters so well. The progression between the Astarion and Halsin is really nicely done, even in such small snippets. 11/10, definitely recommend.

Link to Part 1 here

Perfect Slaughter by @imagineitdearies

This is a Tavstarion fic that honestly captivated me so much from beginning to end. It's a long form fic that is incredibly compelling and is an alternate au prequel to the events of BG3. Tyrus, the protagonist, is a very compelling original character, and his relationship with Astarion in the hell that is Cazador's palace was so well crafted. This was the story that had me wanting to explore more relationships with Astarion in my own writing, focus on dark topics and give them the respect they deserve such as trauma, abuse, and torture, and try my own hand at writing something long form. It's gotten a great deal of praise, all of which is well deserved, and I cannot recommend it enough.

Read it on Ao3

The funny thing about my Wyllstarion thing was that there was actually very little Wyllstarion inspiration. I saw some good art here and there on tumblr, but not very much at the time. My dash was mostly bloodweave if anything. Still, there was just enough of an inkling in my head of Wyll and Astarion, and then a dumbass idea came to me one day.

I wrote it in the first chapter's notes on Ao3, but the thing that kicked this multi chapter obsession into gear was...

Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy

A song off a ten year old album. That's what did it. Specifically the lyrics:

Anything you say can and will be held against you,

So only say my name. It will be held against you.

Those two lines had my brain swimming with a one-shot smut fic of a police officer Wyll and a sex worker Astarion, but a one shot wasn't enough for the romantic that is Wyll. I couldn't write him having a first meeting kind of fling. I wrote out the original one shot idea, let it sit for a couple months, and then suddenly, something clicked in my brain and the whole thing took off from there.

Still, without this lyric, the story wouldn't exist at all. Honestly, going back and listening to the whole song after everything I've written so far, I think it's a fitting title and song in its own way. Highly recommend giving it a listen if you aren't familiar!

---

That's all the big ones. If other things come to mind that I missed, I'll reblog this and add onto it. In the meantime, I highly recommend checking these things out and showing the artists some love! Thanks for taking the time to read, and I hope you found something new to enjoy!

[beansprean]

Nandor and Alexithymia

Ok so this is an attempt to organize a mess of thoughts I’ve been mulling over recently; appreciate anybody who reads the whole thing lol. My “he’s just like me fr” nandor dissertation.

So first things first - alexithymia is a symptom/trait that tends to appear for a lot of neurodivergent people, including myself, as well as those affected by emotional neglect/abuse or other related traumas. It involves "difficulties in identifying, describing, and processing one’s own feelings, often marked by a lack of understanding of the feelings of others, and difficulty distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal" (livingautism.com). For me, though I’m decently good at recognizing others’ emotional states when I’m paying attention, I have a lot of trouble categorizing my own. I have to rely on physical cues (am I smiling? Laughing? Crying? Is my heart beating fast?), mimicking others (if this happened to someone else, how would I expect them to feel? How do other people feel about this so I know what I’m feeling?), or past experience (this thing made me feel like this, so I must be feeling this now). The physical cues are less helpful than they sound, as the definition implies, because maybe my heart is pounding because I’m anxious, or excited, or I hate you, or I like you, or I’m afraid, or I just ran up some stairs. Maybe I’m crying because I’m sad. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or hungry? I literally cannot tell what my emotions are telling me most of the time, which makes communication and relationships extremely difficult to navigate. I don’t know if I enjoy talking to you. I don’t know if I enjoy this activity. I don’t know if I have a crush on you. Everything just feels like anxiety or apathy unless it’s already at 100%. One of the specific anxieties that I deal with in social situations as a result of this is not a fear that people won’t like me, but that I won’t like them. A new person approaches! They want to hang out/date! But oh no, I have no idea how I’m feeling about this person at this point. What if I don’t end up having fun? What if I dislike them and I don’t know why? What if they upset me and I don’t know why? How will I navigate breaking up with them? I’m consumed by the future possibility of being unable to interpret my emotional state and being unable to communicate or verbalize well enough to get out of the situation without acting like a jerk and hurting their feelings or ghosting them completely.

But this post isn’t just me ranting about my brokebrain, I wanna talk about NANDOR’S brokebrain. Some of you may be ahead of me.

Obviously we are all aware that Nandor is completely UNAWARE of his feelings a lot of the time; this is not news, I’m just pathologizing it lol. And not only does he have trouble expressing, identifying, and verbalizing his emotions or recognizing them in others, but...he's dead. He can't rely on physical reactions to help him out - his heart doesn't beat, his skin doesn't flush, he doesn't need to breathe, it's unclear if he can even shed tears! The past 700 years must have felt like endless apathy so much of the time - no wonder he gets depressed.

But it definitely makes sense to me that Nandor is affected by fairly severe alexithymia, and he would have trouble choosing between his wives or recalling the feelings he had for them or which one he really loved and what that felt like beyond just how unobtrusive their presence would be for his day to day routine. And at the same time it is clear to us that he wants nothing more than to hang with Guillermo and spend time with Guillermo and ensure he gives reasons for Guillermo to stick around - but he doesn't really recognize that himself. He becomes increasingly anxious and paranoid as his wedding to Marwa approaches, doesn't understand why he is so fixated on everything that could ruin it or stop it from happening, and projects those thoughts on everyone else around him. He assumes that everyone is conspiring to stop the wedding because he unknowingly wants people to give him reasons to back out. Guillermo confronts him with this, and Nandor can only verbalize that this is a big moment that is making him afraid. (Not to mention that he clearly was waiting for an objection from Guillermo which Guillermo consistently refused to give despite seemingly agreeing with Nadja's. And the whole expecting Guillermo to be jealous and confused/disappointed when he wasn't?? Honey.)

Yet, we also know from the "I like what he likes" wish that Nandor DOES want this wedding to happen. He wants to be married, he wants steady companionship, he wants to tie himself to someone and say "look, look, someone loves me! I am never alone!" Yet immediately after the wedding he balks at turning her and making the marriage "eternal". He is already bored of what he has turned her into and confused why he isn't enjoying the company of someone who will stay by his side and never argue or disagree with him or expect an emotional intimacy from him he can't give. Isn't that what he wanted? Why didn't this fix him? Why is everything still so dull?

(slight tangent on the "I like what he likes" wish honestly what a fuckin DREAM I wish I had a second person who could project my emotions/preferences for me so I could recognize them... I wish they had played around with that for a few more episodes, the comedic potential alone has sustained me for so long...)

He sees Guillermo and Freddie, feels Something, but doesn’t understand what. Discomfort? Longing? Anxiety? Lots of options we as an audience can assume or interpret, but I think we can all agree it's more complicated than just Nandor falling in love at first sight as he assumes. Nandor DOES experience passing infatuations fairly frequently - an intense blaze of emotion he interprets as love and obsesses over, pushing quickly for commitment because he believes that tying himself to someone will solidify those feelings forever. He has to act quick before they fade!

So back to Freddie, Nandor is: 1. Confused by Freddie's presence and unusually pushy about following them around and getting details about their relationship, 2. Genuinely charmed by Freddie's loser white boy swag and interest in artefacts from his home country, 3. Kept up all night by thoughts about Freddie, and 4. Able to recognize that outright stealing him would be a bad move because it would probably make Guillermo upset. Round of applause for #4, good job Nandy.

But, like with the wedding, is he just projecting? Assuming? He knows he feels something strong - an intense blaze of emotion and obsession he associates with his past relationships - and he comes to the conclusion that being with Freddie is what will finally make him happy. Might he actually be feeling misplaced jealousy because he's in love with Guillermo? Or because he sees Guillermo happy in a relationship for the first time and wants that feeling for himself? Or subconsciously sees this as another way to tie Guillermo to him and ensure he can't have a life outside of Nandor? All of these are valid. Nandor certainly doesn't know.

The last point I want to make in this messy ramble of a post is this: what if, in addition to worrying that turning Guillermo into a vampire will set him free from any bonds or obligations to Nandor and he will leave, Nandor is worried HE won't like Guillermo anymore if he is a vampire? And then what?? People change when they...change. He did.