#(the one so typical for life. unfortunately sometimes lol. but so we all do grow in the fish bowl. till you gotta swap fish bowls)

[lunasilvis]

2 months into 30.

Growing into somebody I can be genuinely, genuinely proud of. At night I rest well 🌛

[clonesome]

I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL ASK BC ITS LIKE 4AM WHEN IM TYPING THIS AND I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON A C K sorry @kapuchino357 BUT I AM ANSWERING YOUR ASK <3

(AS OF WRITING THIS BIT IN PARANTHESIS I HAVE TRIED WRITING THIS 13 TIMES its not you its me lolol i hust have so much to saaaaay and I feel like it's about damn time I finished it skdkkf)

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SCREAM ABOUT MY OCS !!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Also a thank you to all of my friends who play around with our OCs like it's pretend on the playground <3 thank you for helping me get a few of my OCs out of my head and out where they can be enjoyed.

I think we should start with Leandro, since he takes up most of my brain meats:

♡ Leandro Placido, he is in his late 20s. 1930s-40s eh ish time period wise aesthetic in a somewhat fantasy world i guess lol, he loves to dress in both men's and women's fashions (Loretta being the name he teases others with when he dresses up in typical womens fashion and goes out. But not always, sometimes he really does just want to feel pretty as Leandro and thats fine too <3). "Cleaner", he cleans up the crime scenes and disposes of bodies for his Boss and he's the best one in their Family. Which is so fitting bc his Boss found his sorry ass in a dumpster of all things. He had unintentionally been helping the guys he ran into dispose of a body he thought was regular trash and long story short after helping them they threw him in the dumpster too to get rid of him and that is when the Big Boss was told of him and well.. there he was.

Loud and rowdy, he never really knows when to keep his mouth shut with most things. He also has a quick temper, especially if he's drunk but not always. He's a bumbling idiot with a heart of gold. He plays the trombone terribly on purpose to annoy people, though he is actually a really skilled player. He uses sex, and other things, as a weapon against himself but learns that he doesn't need to do that as he grows in his story. Unfortunately he's also a rat, secretly having infiltrated his Family by the very enemy who wants nothing more than to get rid of them once and for all. Too bad he's fallen in love with the head maid of the House, and when he falls, he falls incredibly h a r d. Only having ever been in one other full relationship with a girl he went to high school with, which he ended in one of the worst ways possible (smh poor Annity), he wasn't sure how to explain his feelings for her. And then he accidentally catches her and one of his best friends in bed together, so after that he doesn't want to get in between two of some of the most important people in the world to him. So he just.. flirts, and really why would she think any different?

He always flirts. With everyone. So they do this tired song and dance of him shamelessly flirting with her, and her being annoyed (and flustered) by it because she thinks he's just teasing her relentlessly. And it goes on.. for a long time. Until... after like A Lot. For instance: him bedding a different high power Underworld Boss while black out drunk and also not even knowing who he was, getting kidnapped (almost four times) and getting most of his tongue cut out on a successful kidnapping to remind him of who he really works for (and if there is one thing he hates is a traitor, boy look in the damn mirror who do you think you are), being sent off to work at the docks for three months after getting into a heated argument with his Boss (over the Boss's relationship bc GASP Leandro has a bit of a lusty crush on him too! Messyyyyy), him having a crush on a dance hall owner (Bruce) bc he taught him how to love the side of him that he calls Loretta (which in turn has him accepting his whole self), Annity showing back up in his life with their son William (double gasp!), his abusive parents showing back up after he gets arrested for the 43rd (to which he is owed 43 phone calls dammit! Lol!), among... other happenings. . . They finally get their happy ending. But, not in the way they expected. And that fits them just fine.

He's messy, in all senses of the word, but cleans up nice. It takes him too long to get his shit together. He's the dumpster fire that lives in my heart lol. Very 'sun coded' or whatever it's called in the ways that he burns himself too bright in a way that will destroy him. he's viciously angry while having so much love for others but almost none for himself. More than willing to take a bullet for anyone, but will also put a bullet in whoever his Boss feels like.

He's also so dense. No book smarts, only street smarts. If anyone he truly loves flirts back with him, like the Head Maid or Bruce, it is seriously like they are talking to a brick/concrete wall. Also the trope of 'love me so much it undooms me' but only after it's too late.

He dies, of course only after realizing just how much he wants to live. And how much he now has to let go because death has always been coming for him. He had so desperately wished for it so many times, except now he wishes for anything but. And that's when his time is up.

He then appears on a beach, which he has dreamed about- so much like the one back home. A home he hasn't seen since he was a child running around wild. And who does he see a little ways down the shore? The love of his life and the promised spirits of their two children that they are lucky enough to have in their next lives. He runs over and embraces her, twiling her around and bringing a trail of waves around them in the air as he does so all while crying into her hair as she clings just as tightly. After he sets her down and kisses her, the children tackled him into the ever on coming surf. And he gets a taste of what his after life is supposed to be- until all of a sudden, after a small talk with his beloved, they all disappear. He can't see or hear them, but they can see and hear him as he calls out helplessly for them. And he thinks, this is it. This is the hell that he had always known he would end up in. He just wasn't prepared for it. He also was not prepared for the heart shaped lock that magically appeared and locked itself unbearably tightly through his chest and into the space where his heart was. Then the beach is gone, where his loving family are just as confused to his disappearance.

He's back to the place where he died, held back by someone who has unfinished business with him. A girlfriend who had never been able to let him go, Annity. Who.. isn't all bad she's just... complicated.

Cursingly haunting the person who is keeping him from moving on, becoming almost nothing more than a twisted rage filled demon. He dooms the person holding his spirit hostage for years until the love of his life (who had died before him, in his arms. Tragic.) uses almost the last of her own spirit energy to save him, oh yeah, and to stop the ghost marriage Annity had been so close to achieving!

With help of course!

From a medium- who turns out to be his Boss' younger sister who he would have done anything for while living (and who after most of his tongue was cut out she taught him sign language). And his own son, who all this time hadn't been able see him, but had sensed.. something was off for the past few years with his mother. He never would have guessed it was something like this.

And only then, when all of his and others wrongs are in some way set to right, are they allowed to live their after life in happiness and love. Because after all of this... he gets his revenge- in a way, he forgives those he feels deserves it... but also he forgives himself for his past mistakes that he didn't even know he learned from.

I just have so many feelings about him and all of the scenarios he could get himself into when he isn't confined to the limits of the story he is doomed by and haunts himself.

Next is Graskogr of Strilgahl and Isabeau, they are a couple of destiny do NOT separate them. let's start with Gras:

♡Graskogr of Strilgahl, 874 years old give or take a few years, 12'9", fantasyyyy so anything I say goes yay =], they speak with two voices (i imagine it to sound like a duet, in the beginning I thought of something like the duet between Ashley Barrett and Daniel Korb from the Hades soundtrack bc their voices together are absolutely beautiful. But not im thinking its something like whatever those two characters from this game my friend plays. One voice is gruff and animalistic while the other is light and serene.) sometimes one voice leads while the other has an overlaying whisper it just depends. Ruler of a kingdom that they had lived in their centuries long life, having overthrown the previous ruler and brought peace and prosperity to their kingdom. Though they are now hated by every other surrounding kingdom, either for how long they've been in power or just becuase of how powerful they themselves are. Having been granted great magical ability from their godlike parentage, they have a fully golden akorhraca (bullshit fantasy metal I made up lol) arm that can transform into any weapon they wish. Though more of a curse than blessing, they need magical energy to survive. And a lot of it. And if they call upon their weapons too often or use too much power the ichor spreads. They have fissures of the stuff all over their body like lightning scars almost. Something akin to a big dark blue broken plate fixed with gold.

They've had so many marriages over their life, most ending with the partner leaving. As a product of whoever not wanting to be with them or being to afraid of them or for whatever reason once the political side of things was secured the partner would end the marriage. And they would let them, gladly. Not really caring here nor there abiut a relationship, until one. Karya, a human, far smaller and fragile than them. It was the first time in their life they had felt something like love. Though that wasn't necessarily what they would have called it, not having the words to describe how they felt. (And honestly neither do I lol) The two lived happily for many years, Gras allowing themselves to dote on this tiny woman and also allowing her to do the things she could for them as well.

But then she got sick. Gras tried everything they could to heal her, but for some reason... nothing they did worked. So unfortunately the beloved queen passed. And they went into a deep grieving, a depression so deep they shut everyone and everything out for a few centuries. At one point in the beginning even closing off the kingdom to anything and everyone other than those who greatly needed their help. Refusing to speak anything more than a grunt or one word answer whenever a steward would ask something of importance to the kingdom.

They even gained a new pronoun during this time, they start using It to refer to themselves as well lol.

Though after their initial grieving, they went into a rage. So terrifying and powerful that it woukd be spoken of for centuries after, and it is also a reason as to why they are so hated. Taking their seemingly unending anger out whatever they felt like. But thankfully it didn't last too long. But it would scar their public perception from other kingdoms forever. Oh they also sort of become an assassin for hire as well during this time. Not even seeing the need to disguise themselves either so everyone knew it was them who was coming for their targets lol. Though instead of being paid in money they would be paid in things that would help their kingdom, that admittedly would struggle due to their absence.

Most of their time, however, after their rage would be spent in the chambers that they had dedicated to Karya.

Okay enough doom and gloom, well not really but whatever, now onto Isabeau!

♡Isabeau, a harpy woman who has lived with her flock in the mountains her entire life. Until she is accidentally cursed by some novice magic user to be a tiny little bird. Unable to speak or transform back, the magic user feels absolutely awful for the wrong they have caused her. Vowing to help return her to her glorious self, the two set out to undo this curse. Eventually being separated by a strong wind that blows Isabeau's tiny form aaaaaaaaaaallllll the way to Strilgahl.

Where the first interaction she gets with Graskogr is they try to shoot her with an arrow from their fantasy metal arm.

Off to a great start.

So she retaliates by trying to use her small but sharp talons to scratch them. But it doesn't do anything, not even leave a mark.

And something stirs inside Graskogr, a light feeling he hasn't felt for many years. Seeing the tenacity of this little tiny thing to live. To not die by their hand. It causes them to laugh, truly for the first time since their beloved passed. Though it was nothing more single chuckle. But still.

It confused Isabeau, who just moments before this hulk of a figure was just trying to kill her. And now it was... laughing. Or almost laughing? She wasn't sure. . . Just as long as death wasn't staring her in the face. And at this point she is so exhausted she just passes out.

So Gras takes care of this little bird, a thing that it's beloved loved so much..

Aaaaand unfortunately that's kind of all I have for sure for them. But there is also some dream stuff, where Gras sees Isabeau's true form in their dreams but all they really see is a person made of light so they think st first that it is Karya guiding them. And maybe in some way it is. Karya may be watching over these two idiots and be pushing them together so that they can be happy.

They teach each other how to love and trust and l i v e again. Despite the harships and curses. Despite everything. The live and they love. And for them, that is enough.

( and also for this Fantasy land Leandro also has a form here where he is a fallen star turned Mortal and Human. Or he thinks he's Human. He has amnesia from the fall and transformation. Lol but other than that and some more magical powers he's basically the same character. )

Aaaaaand that's all I have time for folks. If these characters of mine are interesting for you and you read this far. I love yooouuuuuuu lolol ask me more stuff about them and I may have answers to give.

[blackberry-gingham]

The love language concept sounds interesting! I’d say George’s love language/the way he shows love is physical touch, Paul’s is receiving gifts, Ringo’s is positive affirmation mixed with quality time, and tbh I’m not to sure for John. maybe acts or service or quality time for him?

Mwahaha, you've fallen into my trap! The truth is I wanted to do this topic more or less for myself, but felt bad bc I still have a few requests left to do. So thank you for sending in a "request" for me so that I can do one out of order real quick >:3

Lol but really tho, thank you for humoring me and these are good! I could honestly see all of these, but for John I'd say acts of service with you, bc the "To Do" stuff just sounds like his character tbh, but maybe also I feel like there's some physical touch too???

Ik I've heard that John kind of actually didn't like being touched, but I mean... If you look at literally any picture of him with Yoko, he's always at least holding her hand, if not just totally draped all over her lol, so I'm assuming for an S/O it's totally different!

But anyway, here's some headcannons real quick and then back to requests. Thanks everyone!

---

George

Honestly? I feel like George would just not be able to keep his hands off you

Like, not necissarily in a sexual way (although that too, if you're in the mood lol), it's just that he loves to let you and everyone else know you're his

He's not all too shy about it either lol

I mean obviously he saves the more lovey dovey stuff for private places, but in public he still has a lot to offer

Everytime he sees you he kisses you either on the cheek, forehead, or mouth and then pulls you in for a hug

Always

Then the rest of the time, as long as he doesn't have to be working, he likes to hold your hand and play with your hair

And if he's feeling a little risqué, he likes to let you sit on his lap and cuddle against him

In private tho...

Oh, he is all over you!!!

You are his sanctuary and safe haven away from the public eye and the daily grind that comes with being a Beatle

I've seen quite a few quotes from geo lamenting the fact that he and the others had literally no private life thanks to their stardom

So yeah, believe me when I say he could live a thousand years and still never feel like he could repay you for giving him the rest and love he needs

He'd be like a long, giant cat. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, if he has an opportunity to snuggle up to you, he takes it

And if he's not exhausted, and if you let him !! he likes to just touch and kiss your body and face

Having that closeness and intimacy is so important to him, he wants to let you know how deeply he loves you

All of you

And of course, the best way you can return his love language back to him is by returning the intimacy he does for you!

When in Rome, after all

Honestly, just by accepting his offers when he initiates a request to hold your hand or hug or cuddle, he already appreciates that!

But if you initiate any of those things, he's definitely feeling the love!!

Although, one thing you like to do a bit different is giving massages

Of course George would certainly give you one if you asked!

But since he's usually tired, either mentally or physically, from always being on the go, you like to do him a favor lol

And he loves it

Seriously, you've never seen a man more blissed out then George gets over something as simple as a back or scalp massage

Assuming he doesn't fall asleep under the spell of your skillful fingers, he repays you with kisses or cuddles after :)

John

Ok idk if I'm like projecting, or reaching, or SOMETHING along those lines, but I feel like of all the boys, John is probably the one most looking for a true partner, as in like his other half

Paul is very close behind with his relationship with Linda, but for John it always came off as a need for him, more then like a want or nice thing to have

So anyway, all this to say that as far as acts of service goes, I think he gets a lot of security out of receiving this!

Like, whenever John's feeling particularly stressed or overwhelmed having you there to approach the issues with an objective mindset is a HUGE relief

Really, like I cannot stress this enough

Phrases like, "What can I do to take some pressure off for you?"

Or, "Well what if we just focus on x for now, and then we can take care of y and z tomorrow?"

All give him such a powerful sense of relief

And of course, the way that you, you know, actually follow up on your word, makes him fall even deeper in love with you then he thought possible

Now on the other hand, is physical touch

While this is a part of his love language cocktail, John likes to express this one a bit more then he likes to receive it

You see, unlike George, John is a little more reserved with his PDA

He will kiss you and hold your hand of course! But unfortunately his anxiety is a thing, so as much as he hates it, he has to reserve his physical affection for more private settings

But when you two are alone, he's like puddy in your hands!

He likes to just hold you a lot

It doesn't matter if you're preoccupied with something else, like a book or the telly, he just wants to have physical contact with you

And if you can do any of those things cuddled up on his lap or against his chest, even better!

But also, John definitely loves to get that energy back

He likes it when you give him cute little kisses and pet his head

I think he'd also like it if you rubbed his temples or the bridge of his nose/third eye lol

Wearing glasses all day can get uncomfortable you know!!

I think if you can establish that trust and physical closeness, that's when you'd also get a return on his acts of service

Really, if you've bonded this deeply with John he'd do literally anything for you

Whatever you need, whatever you want, if he can do it he will and if he can't he'll find a way to do it anyway!

He'd be loyal to a fault and love you forever after

Paul

Please tell me why I could see Paul being your sugar daddy on the low 😭😭

Really, like he just likes to spoil you!

Honestly if someone showed me proof that the real actual, 78 year old, 2021 Paul McCartney uses stacks of hundred dollar bills as tinder for his fireplace, I literally wouldn't even blink

Like even back in the day, he's got that Beatles' money baby !!! and he.... Kinda doesn't care for it, actually

I personally don't think any of the boys come across as like money hungry or something like that, but I could see Paul especially figuring that he might as well use all this dumb money to buy you things you like!

It may feel overwhelming to be on the receiving end of so many random, but expensive gifts tbh

You might even tell him to stop or that he doesn't have to do all that!!

I think he'd be able to understand that overwhelming you with nice things kinda has the opposite effect of what he's intending, but....

He just gets a little carried away sometimes lol

I mean growing up he didn't have all that much, and even now, like obviously nice things are nice, but meh

What he really wants to do is make sure you're enjoying the high life too!

I could see him doing more of writing you songs and music instead so that he can still fulfil his desire to give, should you feel uncomfortable with the fancy gifts

But yeah, if you're uncomfortable he totally would get that and dial back the materialism, but if you don't mind, then he doesn't either!!

Now you might be wondering how you, a delightfully average person, could impress Paul McCartney with a gift giving love language...

I mean, what do you give the man who has everything?

Well I'd tell you this... It's simple!

You could bring him literally anything that you find meaningful and be like "This made me think of you!" or "I just thought you'd like this!" and he'll love it!

He would definitely run up some organized collections of the little things you've given him

He has some dedicated display boxes for all the random, shiny rocks and pebbles you've found

A little filing drawer of all the notes you've ever wrote him

And if you like art or photography, he'd decorate his personal spaces with your work!

Of course he'd appreciate traditional gifts too tho

Like a watch or bass strings or a new tie ect ect

But the thing for you to not get caught up on is the price!

That doesn't matter to him :)

He likes your gifts bc they came from you!

Ringo

Ok, positive affirmation is definitely a big thing for Ringo

He gets roasted a lot by the boys and even the media, and all in good fun I suppose, but after a while enough is enough you know?

Not to mention, he just feels a bit... Lesser then?? Compared to the others and their musical talent

So the poor guy really needs a break!

Literally, even just little one word sentences of encouragement mean sooo much to him

"I'm so proud of you Ritchie!"

"That sounded wonderful!"

"You've done a great job today at the studio, good work!"

Stuff like that makes him melt

Of course he also appreciates the more conventional things like "I love you" and when you call him handsome!

And as for the spending quality time, that comes easily!

Ringo looooves to take you out on dates!

Now yes, there's your typical movie date, dinner, dancing, all that

But his favorite things to do is go on little adventures!

He takes you to the park, the beach, out to explore thrift and consignment stores, and anywhere else you want to check out!

However, not everyone wants to run around outside 24/7

So in the house, he likes doing things that you two can do together!

Painting is a big one, seeing as it's his other hobby, but it could honestly be anything, like puzzles, board games, or just watching TV!

I'm trying to think of how he'd return the words words of affirmation side of his love language, but I think it would be a little harder for him to do then expressing quality time tbh

You just make him so darn shy!

What with all your good looks and kindness, he just feels a little overwhelmed

Have you ever seen a work of art, or architecture, or even a landscape so breathtaking that you don't really know where to start when describing it to someone?

Yeah, it's like that

He definitely wants to try tho!

I think he'd stick to simple things like complimenting your outfits and praising your work or personal projects you show him!

He's worried that that comes across as just common decency tho, so he says "I love you" a lot and tries to make up for his bad way with words with quality time

[thebluelemontree]

Hiya blue lemon it's me again. Do you have any criticism in the way GRRM wrote Sansa in book1/2? EX:.Sansa and Jeyne are BFF but we amolst never see the girls talking to eachother, and when JP is sex traffikced sansa just forget about her(we could have a scene where sansa try to find what happened to JP or at least grieve for her). Every time sansa appears as a non-POV in AGOT she's been mean and whe we have her POV she's mean for no good reason(SANSA III AGOT). >PART 1<

And the worst is why GRRM wrote sansa goin to Cercei to tell her the "Ned Plans", it's just bad writing, Cercei kill lady so Sansa going to her was OOC GRRM just wrote that to we hate Sansa And in the book it's not explained what "the Ned plans" was(And it was nothing imortant at all, and would make no difference at Ned's fate) so ordinary readers blame Sansa for Ned's death and GRRM does that too in book 2 Cercei put all the blame for Ned death in sansa nd "the Ned Plans" Your thoughts?PART 2

There’s a lot to unpack here. 

I get a sense that in the early books, George was not as comfortable writing female relationships as he was writing male relationships or even male-female ones. I mean, Catelyn has no female friends, no companions like Margaery Tyrell’s cousins, no fostering wards of her own, no correspondences with other ladies except that one letter from Lysa for plot reasons. This is just weird for the lady of two major houses. It is neglectful on George’s part to give most of the important social connections to men. This doesn’t mean he was totally inept at writing female relationships, though, and it does seem like he’s tried to improve upon highlighting the positive in later books.

By comparison, the positive side of the brotherly relationships are presented so strongly that it tends to smooth over the conflicts with many readers. Jon can feel envious and resentful of Robb, but the love and loyalty is always in the foreground. The conflict between Arya, Jeyne, and Sansa does have legitimate character arc and plot purposes, so this isn’t bad writing. It’s unfortunate that GRRM presses down so hard on the constant bickering and occasional nastiness, but he did write some positives (albeit they tended to be revealed in later books) and there are understandable reasons for the dynamics. It was not done in a totally unrealistic way. What’s depicted is a typical and relatable rocky period for that age group, and there was negative adult influence at play. It’s not a permanent feature of the sisterhood. It’s all there if you pay attention and you’re inclined to be charitable toward the mistakes of young girls.       

If a reader is already predisposed to see the bonds between male characters as more pure and more able to overcome the negative aspects, then they probably also view the bonds between female characters as inherently weaker and more fraught with conflict. Fandom misogyny is not GRRM’s fault. That sector of the fandom will always have contempt for girls for being girls, especially preteen girls. They will always hone in on their faults and belittle their virtues. 

I don’t think that is true that we hardly ever see Jeyne and Sansa talking. They are nearly always in each other’s company. There was real friendship between Sansa and Jeyne, because what George does do well with them, is realistically write the way girls cement their bonds. Young girls strengthen their relationship by communicating and confiding in each other. Sharing secrets, crushes, hopes, fears, and pieces of gossip builds trust and intimacy. Jeyne and Sansa do this all the time, even though they can have different opinions and disagree about a lot.  Yes, there is some one-sidedness in that Sansa socially outranks Jeyne and believes that makes her more mature and wiser than her friend. Jeyne is dependent on her closeness to Sansa as a highborn lady and future queen to rise successfully, so she’s not going to push back on Sansa’s dominance. This is also a reason Jeyne sometimes bullies Arya to supplant her as Sansa’s “sister.” When Sansa has something to share, she goes to Jeyne to talk about it. I think it’s hilarious that the girls have a debate over which castle Gregor Clegane’s head will get spiked. Sansa wants Jeyne at her side for these new and exciting events like the tourney. When things get serious and dangerous, they comfort each other. Again, this is not all George’s fault if some readers don’t recognize or value the way girls do friendships.  

It’s stated quite clearly why Sansa tries to not think about Jeyne or her deceased family members very often. It’s fucking traumatic and her survival while among her captors depends on mentally holding herself together. 

If only she had someone to tell her what to do. She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend. The septa had lost her head with the rest, for the crime of serving House Stark. Sansa did not know what had happened to Jeyne, who had disappeared from her rooms afterward, never to be mentioned again. She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears. Once in a while, Sansa even missed her sister. By now Arya was safe back in Winterfell, dancing and sewing, playing with Bran and baby Rickon, even riding through the winter town if she liked. Sansa was allowed to go riding too, but only in the bailey, and it got boring going round in a circle all day. -- Sansa II, ACOK.

Following her father’s beheading, Sansa was in a suicidal depression for days. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t bathe, welcomed drug-induced sleep, and contemplated killing herself. If she thinks too much on those she lost, she falls to pieces. She can’t openly weep and mourn for “traitors” if her life depends on appearing to be loyal to Joffrey. Most of her grief is suppressed inside. This also includes asking too many questions she doesn’t feel psychologically prepared to hear the answer to. She was there when the decision was made to shuttle Jeyne off to Littlefinger; however, she has no idea this is going to result in Jeyne being sent to a brothel and worse. I would also keep in mind that even if she did ask, it’s not like Cersei or Littlefinger would ever tell her the truth. Why would they? Does she really want to hear lies and have to think about what the horrible truth might be when she can’t do anything about it?  When it comes to Arya, Sansa believes her sister escaped on the ship bound for home. She comforts herself with imagining that Arya is safe and free, and that’s enough to keep her going.  

And she prays and sings for Jeyne, wherever she is.

She sang for mercy, for the living and the dead alike, for Bran and Rickon and Robb, for her sister Arya and her bastard brother Jon Snow, away off on the Wall. She sang for her mother and her father, for her grandfather Lord Hoster and her uncle Edmure Tully, for her friend Jeyne Poole, for old drunken King Robert, for Septa Mordane and Ser Dontos and Jory Cassel and Maester Luwin... -- Sansa V, ACOK.

It’s only until later in the books that Sansa feels emotionally at peace enough to start remembering the good times with Arya and Jeyne without breaking down into tears. We can also see the conflicts weren’t always a thing, and the love was strong with all three.

Sansa began to make snowballs, shaping and smoothing them until they were round and white and perfect. She remembered a summer's snow in Winterfell when Arya and Bran had ambushed her as she emerged from the keep one morning. They'd each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and she'd had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she'd slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn't, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing. -- Sansa VII, ASOS.

It was most unladylike, but Alayne sound found herself laughing. For just a little while, as she ran, she forget who she was, and where, and found herself remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up. -- Alayne I, TWOW.

So it’s not even that the girls only bond through confiding. They run, play, and roughhouse with each other. It’s interesting that AGOT!Sansa tried to be so mature and proper, but now that she’s older, she’s remembering how good and freeing it was just to be a kid. But let’s not act like this part of the story is over. Jeyne is still very much alive and seems likely to run into Arya in Braavos. We can almost be 100% certain that Sansa will find out the truth about what happened to Jeyne and what Littlefinger did to her (and her parents), then watch out. Sansa will turn all that buried pain into a righteous fury at Littlefinger.  

Now as for Sansa being mean for “no reason.” Um... yeah, LOL. Sometimes she’s just a total unwarranted bitch to her sister, and it’s not meant to be a good look. Sometimes she’s superficial, insufferably immature and annoying, judgmental and prejudiced AND THAT’S OKAY. I mean, she sounds no better or worse than your average middle-schooler if they were of the privileged nobility. Guess what? Sometimes preteens are really like that. Sometimes siblings have ugly, knockdown drag out fights where they say horrible things to each other. Most will grow past those phases and still wind up just as loving and close. It’s realistic and believable. Sansa has flaws, but they aren’t deep moral flaws. She does an amazing job at growing, learning, and overcoming those flaws over the course of the books. In TWOW, she’s warm and affectionate with people, easy-going, nonjudgmental, and genuinely more mature than ever. She took the stick out of her ass and became a happier person for it. What’s the problem? What did you want her to be? Perfect? Unfailingly kind and loved by everyone all the time? She’d be a saint, not a multifaceted human being. Even with her occasional ugly side, Sansa is still a strong, smart, compassionate badass. I don’t care if some people don’t like her as she is written or if they vilify her with their misinterpretations or ignore her strengths. What bearing does that have on GRRM’s vision for her character? He never set out to write any character that the whole fandom would either unanimously love or hate.    

This is not bad writing. This NOT bad writing. This is GOOD writing.

*Sigh* Listen... this whole nonsense about Sansa being to blame for Ned’s demise has been going on since ASOIAF was written on clay tablets. You don’t have to listen to every stupid thing the fandom says about anything. It’s just factually wrong. End of story. This misinterpretation and reader inattentiveness is not GRRM’s fault, because he lays out all the details of everything that went down between Arya, Ned, and Sansa’s POV as it was happening. It’s totally understandable why an upset and frustrated Sansa would go to Cersei, the mother figure she implicitly trusts and admires. She didn’t go to Cersei to betray her father’s plans. She went to the queen to intercede in what she thought had to be some big misunderstanding, having no idea what was really going on or at stake. 

This is not OOC for her to go to Cersei after Lady’s death. The hand that killed Lady was her own father’s, a undeniable breach of trust that wounded their relationship. Ned just doesn’t really do a lot to deal with the emotional aftermath either. Ned and Sansa are very similar in turning a blind eye when confronted with unpleasantness from someone they love. Ned is also at that moment disillusioned with Robert’s failure to do the right thing after the Trident incident. He begs Robert in the name of their brotherly love and the love he bore Lyanna, and Robert turns his back on Ned anyway. Yet Ned immediately goes right back to believing in the best of Robert’s nature, despite all evidence to the contrary. Every sign points to this being a one-sided friendship with Robert being lazy, irresponsible, and completely selfish. Like father, like daughter. Sansa has a very hard time accepting that Joffrey and Cersei are not the people she thought they were, even when she’s seen some cracks. And since she can’t understand her father’s actions and the communication has been shot to hell between them, of course she runs to Cersei with her problems. Cersei can flip a switch and pretend to be kind, loving, and understanding. 

This is so typical of a teenage thought process:  “Dad just doesn’t understand and he’s making a big mistake. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. He doesn’t get how important this is to me. This will all work out if a sympathetic adult steps in and fixes it. Everything will turn out great and we’ll all be happy.” While Sansa is pouring her heart out about how it isn’t fair she can’t say goodbye to Joffrey, Cersei pretends to be that sympathetic mother figure that really understands her. How hard would it be then to pump Sansa for information? Like “Oh my sweet little dove. I know how much you love my son. Don’t worry. I’ll help you straighten this out. You said your father wants to send you away? How? When? What’s the name of that ship again?”  

And that line from Cersei’s POV is horseshit. Cersei is a liar and regularly lies in her POV to absolve herself of responsibility and force the blame entirely on others. In this case, Cersei is acting like she didn’t totally manipulate a trusting child to betray her.  We also know this is a lie because Ned was the one that told her himself of his plans to reveal the invest and remove her as queen. Sansa had nothing to do with that. All Sansa did was give Cersei information that allowed Cersei the opportunity to take her hostage before the girls could leave by ship. Cersei’s plans against Ned were already well underway. Sansa never came to her with the intent of knowingly betraying anyone, but she did have selfish reasons for going to the queen to complain in the first place. GRRM said himself that Sansa wasn’t to blame for Ned’s capture or death, but she did play a role in the events that transpired. That’s fair. All that makes her is a kid who made a not entirely innocent mistake, but a mistake nonetheless, which she immediately learned from. Does she trust Cersei or Joffrey again? Hell no.  

Relax, anon. It’s fine for her to not be nice all the time. It’s fine for her to have some realistic, garden variety flaws. It’s one of the most universal human mistakes to fall too hard and fast for the wrong person, act the fool over them despite all the red flags, only to realize you only saw what you wanted to see in them. And Sansa learned this lesson at eleven when some adults haven’t learned it at all. Relax. She’s a great, well-written, relatable character who has overcome most of these issues successfully.  

[fortheloveoflizards]

ive actually been a fan of wof for years now, im just not super active in the fandom and i guess id like to be? so here i am, sending u an awkward ask lol. anyways, the more i think about animus magic, the more i hate the way tui executed the concept? like theres barely any consequences or limitations. dragons can do whatever they want with it, which is bad for the plot. idk what are ur thoughts?

Hah, this isn’t awkward at all, I actually do have a lot of thoughts on animus magic, particularly how it differs in each tribe. I think giving each tribe different types of magic, as well as individual drawbacks on top of the general “you go crazy if you abuse your power”. Though I think the latter could have worked as more of a “if you use your power selfishly, it’ll turn on you” sort of situation? In my headcanons, each tribe has a type of magic they work best with, and a type of magic that puts strain on their physical form.

As the tribe closest in appearance to traditional European dragons, I like to headcanon Skywing animus magic as Weather and Element based. Stuff like creating storms and controlling wind currents is easy to imagine, but also magic pertaining to emotions, often fueled by the feelings of the animus themselves. A Skywing animus might find it easiest to use an object to better conduct magic, like a branch or, most commonly, crystals of different types. Skywing magic is what you would call “cast spells”, meaning they have no need to write or say what they wish to do, just think or “feel” it. As for drawbacks, emotional instability is kind of obvious, huh? There’s also bad weather being attracted to the animus, and parts of their body slowly turning into whatever object they used to channel their spells. As an example, using crystals in his spells might result in an animus’ scales turning into crystals themselves, whereas an animus that used a branch to direct air currents would notice her tail growing small twigs and leaves out from between her scales. The magic Skywings have most difficulty with is Herbal and Brewed magic. I feel since Skywing magic is very much based on action and emotion, it would be difficult for a Skywing animus to properly channel it in such a passive way.

Mudwing animus magic is perhaps my favourite to think about, it being what I call Herbal or Brewed magic. Mudwing animi specialize in potions and medicine, though this is more of an inherent tribe skill, their magic works best when imbued into food or drink. To continue with this technique, “power-ups” would be cool to see. Potions to give a dragon super strength or speed, or to keep their scales permanently warm so they can always breath fire. I think Mudwings would be most likely to use so called “magical ingredients” for their spells, as in the act of the animus using an ingredient makes it magic, rather than a normal dragon including it in their stew. I don’t feel there would be much room for drawbacks when it comes to Mudwing magic, so I’m gonna say there isn’t one. However, I will say Brewed magic is one of the hardest to perfect, as if a quantity of ingredient is even slightly off, disaster is imminent. Transformation magic is likely to be the hardest for a Mudwing animus to use. While Brewed magic is hard, it’s precise and a recipe can be done a hundred times for a hundred different dragons, and the effects never alter. Transformation magic is the opposite, in that the spell must be altered for every dragon, as every dragon is slightly different.

Next up is Sandwings! They lean most towards Written and Solar based magic. As you can guess, this means their magic is linked at least partially to the sun. Though they can’t control them, Sandwing animi often have very keen senses when it comes to the weather and seasonal changes. Change itself is a big thing for Sandwings, so seasonal magic is common. Sandwings also find writing spells easiest, as the spell is then precise and exactly as they need it. Sandwing riddles, told at parties or in passing as a fun conversation topic, have their roots in animus magic. Sandwing animi also enjoy the company of animal companions, usually camels or vultures; animals that can carry scrolls and items for the animus in question. The downside for Sandwing animi can be either mental or physical. They can start forgetting things, losing track of time, generally being scatterbrained, which eventually leads to them losing their entire memory. Or, their scales begin to darken, although I’m undecided on what kind of colour they would turn. Should they just turn golden or maybe more of a sunburnt orange or red. Perhaps even black. I dunno, maybe all three. Spoken and Lunar magic are the clear opposites of Written and Solar, so it’s pretty obvious why a Sandwing animus would have trouble in this area. Sandwing magic can be very picky, kind of like a sadistic genie that goes by what a wisher says, rather than what they mean. A dragon has to be very careful how they phrase a spell, which is hard for most Sandwing animi, hence their avoidance of Spoken spells.

I think my Seawing animus headcanon is the closest to being confirmed in canon, since the Seawing animi we see using their magic are usually using what I’ve called Spoken and Lunar magic. This includes regeneration(like healing of themselves and others), curses, transfiguration of objects and generally verbal commands. And for the record, “verbal commands” is usually, like the animus test the Seawings take, telling an inanimate object to do something. Lunar magic is connected to the moon and the tides, opposite to Solar magic. This can mean it gets stronger under a full moon, and gives a Seawing animus a kind of bond to the ocean the more they use Lunar magic. As with Sandwing animi, the magic that comes most natural to Seawings involves change. Changing tides, moon rotations, drifting currents and rips, all those factor into their magic’s strength, in and out of water. Seawing animi can also suffer a lowering of inhibitions, and can suffer what I call “going feral”. Theirs is the most noticeable, though this final drawback can affect all tribes. I like to think the more a Seawing animus uses their magic, the more they start to look like a deep sea creature. Brighter glowing scales, thinner scales overall(sometimes so thin you can almost see their insides, bleurgh!), elongated, thinner teeth, and increased speed of growth to their whole body. As you can probably guess, Written and Solar magic are the areas that cause the most trouble for Seawing animi. I’m not sure what else to comment here, since I feel it’s pretty straightforward, so there you go.

Rainwings! The tribe I’m most like! I feel that since the average Rainwing can change the colour of their scales regardless of magical ability, Transformation magic would be a perfect match for any animi that might exist in the tribe. Transformation magic includes form shifting of themselves and others, body hrror/torture(which differs from simple form shifting because it’s specifically supposed to cause pain) and transfiguration of objects. Transformation magic requires knowledge of how the specific dragon’s body works, moves and how their mind reacts to things. You might think the average Rainwing is too self-centered to be capable of that kind of perceptiveness, but I believe they’re more perceptive than they’re portrayed in-canon. I think the most noticeable consequence of a Rainwing animus using their magic is their scale colours “glitching”. If the Rainwing is naturally purple and green and they try to turn red and blue, areas of their scales might change slower than the rest, or not change altogether. A camouflaged Rainwing might suddenly find themselves bright pink and orange. Stuff like that. Weather magic is most difficult for a Rainwing animus, since it requires a lot of, I guess passionate emotions? Weather magic is loud and aggressive and takes a lot of power to control. It also relies heavily on being strongly connected to every emotion, and can backfire terribly on a dragon that doesn’t know how to wrangle that kind of power.

Mind and Time magic is what I’ve assigned for Nightwings! I felt it fits with their whole Mystical Infinite Powers aesthetic. Obviously, Mind magic includes mindreading and and Time magic future vision - which were most likely a gift from a Nightwing animus a long time ago. Other abilities include fate writing(a spell that can change an otherwise unchangeable future), enchanting, illusions, and changing minds/the perceptions of a dragon. This magic is actually relatively simple to perform, and one of the most used types by all animus dragons. That doesn’t make it any less powerful or dangerous, in fact it’s probably more dangerous that it’s so easy to use. Nightwings certainly haven’t been using it for the best purposes. This is the magic I think is the root cause of dragons losing their minds, since “Mind” is like one whole half of the magic. The unfortunate thing is that Nightwings are excellent bullshitters, so they at least last a while before anyone figures out something’s wrong. The side effect of using other types of magic is most notably scale discolouration, to the point that there are records of completely white, full-blood Nightwings. Since Icewings and Nightwings are Enemies For Life I figure their magics would clash just as much, out of principal. Reflective magic in particular requires the user to be self aware, to know their faults and, if only momentarily, be at peace with them. Nightwings are pretty in denial about a lot of stuff, it’s part of the culture they’ve built up.

Finally, Reflective and Defensive magic is the natural inclination of Icewings. That means shielding and barrier magic - which can be physical or psychological, insightful magic, illusions and star spells. No insightful magic is Not future vision, if you make that comparison in front of even a regular Icewing you will be murdered. The Icewing mind is typically pretty guarded already, as we see when Moon tries to read them. I like to believe that an animus a long time ago used their Gift to make it so Nightwings can’t read the tribe’s minds, or at least not easily. This would be an example of a psychological barrier spell. Star spells are tied to the stars(no duh) like Solar and Lunar magic are tied to their respective namesakes. However, as opposed to change, star spells are constant. Once one is cast, it stays forever. Almost all Icewing magic is a star spell of some kind, making other dragons very wary of an animus born from the tribe. Thankfully, the fact that Icewing magic includes that of Defense, it’s rarely used for aggressive purposes. I believe Icewing magic would backfire by crystalising within the user’s bones, making their joints stiff and their mind fuzzy. They may dissociate from the world and eventually be lost, as with Sandwings. As I said, Icewings and Nightwings are opposites in magic, though there are overlaps which serve to infuriate both tribes. Considering Nightwing animus magic supposedly came from Icewings, the former retained some of the abilities of the latter.

There you are, my thoughts on dragon magic. This turned into much more of a headcanons post than an answer, so I hope you don’t mind. Thanks so much for the ask, and I hope you find content creators that make you feel safe being active in the fandom!

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi, I just found your blog. And I actually haven’t read anything yet but I saw that you do crystal and star match ups and that is so niche and cool I haven’t come across that ever so I thought it warrants support.

I’m really excited to your works! I am actually interested to get a star match up if that’s possible for a new follower.

I’d like to ship myself with Kuroo as of lately that guy is the only guy I can’t get out of my head lol.

I read that the big three make up your personality but inner placements and planets: (Sun, Moon, Rising, Mercury, Venus, and Mars) have a bigger impact on your personality than the outer planets so I figured I’d offer that too.

My sun sign is Aquarius

Moon sign is Sagittarius

My ascending/rising sign is Libra

Mercury sign Pisces

Venus sign is Aquarius

And Mars sign is Aquarius.

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕂𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕠

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑠 🪐

The Planets Mars and Pluto rule Scorpio, and the Planets Saturn and Uranus rule Aquarius.

Mars is a revolutionary, aggressive and spirited masculine energy, and Pluto enlightens these impulses and adds a rebirthing, cyclical quality.

Saturn is a cool, contained energy, and Uranus is about all things different and unusual.

Mars is emotional, reacting without thinking things through; such is the nature of Scorpio.

Saturn demands of Aquarius much hard work and discipline, while Uranus gives them that forward thinking mind.

A gentle Scorpio lover, careful not to tether an Aquarius in too tightly can teach their mate about a life based on emotional intuition, one that quiets the intellect sometimes in favor of physical sensation.

Understanding Aquarians can teach their serious Scorpio mates to calm down, to detach themselves from uncontrollable situations and to reevaluate their goals if they get off course.

𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 🔥💧🍃🌬

Scorpio is a Water Sign, and Aquarius is an Air Sign.Air is about the intellect, so Aquarius tackles life as one chance to grow and explore after another, while Scorpio is more analytical.

Scorpio looks for purpose, and Aquarius seeks stimulation.

These love mates have trouble understanding one another’s origin of thought.

Confrontations arise is Scorpio’s possessiveness gets the better of them or if Aquarius seems too cool and flippant and denies Scorpio emotional reassurance.

Both need to learn that they view the world in different ways and they should celebrate and laugh at their differences.

𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 🤞

How on Earth is it possible for two honest and straightforward individuals such as Scorpio and Aquarius to have such a problem to trust each other?

The problem here shows its face when they get too close.

As soon as Scorpio starts to assume that Aquarius should be tamer and belong to them in a loving relationship, it will result in a forceful rebellion and the counterattack of their partner.

Things could really get out of control if any sort of manipulation takes place, and unspoken tendencies might tear them apart in a matter of minutes.

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 🤝

For as long as they don’t give in to their stubborn, unmovable modes, these partners could have great conversations about all strange topics they can imagine.

None of them will want to have small talk or discuss their day at work. It is futile from their perspective, and although Scorpio likes to be in control of everything their partner does, it will be refreshing to talk to someone who says unusual things.

The biggest quality of their relationship is an incredible connection of depth and width in only one couple.

They will both have trouble understanding our society as it is, and have certain similar perspectives on anything out of the ordinary.

Scorpio exalts Aquarius’ ruler and this is why their relationship is the possibility for both of them to grow.

Not only will Scorpio adore the intellectual strength of their partner, but they will also help them understand the way their ideas might be realized through a feeling of ultimate possibility.

The weakest link in their relationship is their respect for each other, combined with their static natures.

We would think that both of these signs are in connection to change and they couldn’t possibly be static, but in fact, they are static in their way of change, and their biggest challenge is to stop for a minute and treasure what they’ve found in each other.

𝐸𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 😠😔😊

If love happens between them, the most typical scenario is for Scorpio to fall into an obsessive mess of feelings towards their uninterested Aquarius partner.

It takes a lot of work and commitment to reach the emotional core of Aquarius, and it is impossible to get there without spontaneity and trust.

Scorpio can be spontaneous in situations that are free of emotions, but will rarely let their love for someone be a part of a maybe-yes-maybe-no swing controlled by their partner.

Aquarius will rarely tolerate or be with someone who tries to make them be more stable and down to earth, or anyone who quenches their desire to be free.

As soon as they feel obligated to do anything, they will start pulling away and any emotion that might have been developing will suddenly be covered by the fear of commitment and the rut of everyday life.

If they want to reach emotional balance, Scorpio has to be untied, realize that their partner will never belong to them and that they are free to leave anytime.

They will have to understand that this relationship might end tomorrow and there is nothing they can do about it but accept it.

On the other hand, Aquarius will have to confront their emotional depth and be ready to make certain changes in their approach to romantic relationships, so they can steadily feel understand Scorpio’s emotional nature.

𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠 🤲

They will both value excitement and change and this will be a strong meeting point for their characters.

Unfortunately, most of the other things they would value in their partner are completely different.

While Aquarius values free spirit, communication and independence, Scorpio values commitment and deep emotional connection.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦𝑠 💪

For as long as they stay out of their ego battle, they could find many things to do together.

They will both like to take risks of any kind and their best date could be anything from parachute jumping to a night out in a casino.

The best way for them to spend some quality time together is in some sort of intellectual activities and competitions, because this would allow them to manifest their possible hostility in a healthy way.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 💕

When Scorpio and Aquarius make a love match, it is a fusion of two very different life philosophies and many very different needs.

There is much chance for friction here.

Where Scorpio faces their inner emotional world directly and with an intense energy, thinking deeply about the more hidden undercurrents of life

Aquarius takes that same sort of energy and turns it outward.

With their unusual, idealistic and, above all else, very social outlook on life, Aquarius seems an odd choice for the more introverted Scorpio.

Aquarius needs a crowd to feel stimulated, and they’re always looking around the room for the next interesting person to get to know.

Scorpio, on the other hand, desires engaging, probing and very intimate time with their romantic mates.

This pair may seem to have very little in common, but they both have such strong wills that, when focused on their relationship, can get them what they need and want.

Both Scorpio and Aquarius can be uncooperative and opinionated: They like things to go their way, no questions asked!

For this love match, though, ‘their ways’ are very dissimilar. Scorpio is inquisitive, digging deeply into the hidden meaning of things, always asking questions and wanting to know where things are going and why.

Aquarius is progressive and affable yet does not enjoy detail. Scorpio may be enticed by their differences, as Aquarius shows them new, exterior worlds but may end up frustrated trying to get answers from this eccentric enigma.

Aquarius does not welcome possessiveness, either, preferring to belong to the world rather than one single person.

But a stinging Scorpion can be fiercely possessive, and they require more attention than an Aquarian might be able to give.

If Aquarius slows down and pays attention, they may find the devotion Scorpio provides to be a great support.

[nightwingmyboi]

what do you think about nightwing in the batman animated movies (bad blood etc) personally i found it lacking but would be great to hear your thoughts on it!

Oh boy do I have thoughts lol. I’ve kind of talked about it a bit in the past, and there are aspects of these movies I enjoy, but I do find the batman animated movies a little lacking myself! I’ll just lay it on all on the table; there’s like three big issues that I have with these movies (warning: some movie spoilers ahead). 

1) The Damian Wayne focus

I love Damian, he is one of my favorite characters in the Batfam, but honestly I’ve had enough of him in movies. He was the main character in both Son of Batman and Batman vs. Robin, and he was also a major player in Batman: Bad Blood, Justice League vs. Teen Titans, Teen Titans: The Judas Contract, Batman: Hush, and even the most recent Apokolips War movie...that’s a ton of screen time fam! And most of it’s wasted in my opinion lol, because we don’t actually see Damian learn important lessons in these movies...in the comics, there was growth. Damian was initially an annoying, prideful brat. He had no respect for anyone, and he would always go off on his own and do things his way, because he thought he was better than everyone else. But he was eventually humbled. He changed; Damian grew to respect Dick, and gradually learned to work as a team and follow his Batman’s lead. And his skill set improved over time as well--Dick trained him, both in combat and particularly in detective skills, which the League didn’t bother to coach him in. 

Batman (1940) #713

The Damian in the movies doesn’t need any training; he’s already overpowered as hell. He takes Deathstroke down in the very first movie he makes an appearance in!! Which is insane. Not even going to talk about the stuff with Nightwing lol. He literally has nowhere to go skill wise. And he never truly loses his condescending attitude or learns to be a team player. In the first movie, he sneaks out of Wayne manor despite Bruce’s instructions to stay. In the second movie, he sneaks out of Wayne manor multiple times despite Bruce’s instructions to stay. In the Judas Contract, he...you guessed it...sneaks out of Titans tower to investigate things on his own. So on and so forth. He’s constantly doing things his own way. And the big way of improving this...is to send Damian away to the Himalayas instead of actually letting him form a meaningful bond with anyone in his family lol. He’s been a very static character in the movies--let him grow if he’s going to have so much screen time!

I’m also really disappointed that DC has gutted Dick and Damian’s relationship. Dick was a huge positive influence on Damian’s life in the comics; he was the first one to reach out to Damian and believe that he could be good. Their bond was an essential relationship for Damian to have. I really do think that the erasure of their mentorship/brotherhood is a big reason we have seen so little growth from Damian in these movies. 

2) The treatment of Dick Grayson 

Dick looks like this: 

DC hates him, enough said.  

...but I’ll still complain some more, because I am also not a fan of how DC makes Dick lose fights and get injured constantly. Anybody else hate his freaking SHOULDER right now??? I could point out an instance of him being nerfed in literally every single movie he has been in, but I’m not going to bother because it’s exhausting honestly. Cannot even think of a time he’s won a one-on-one fight rn. It also stinks that DC uses arcs where Dick is supposed to play a big role, and then delegates him to the sidelines, usually in order to elevate other characters. His origin story as Nightwing was the Judas Contract...and they very nearly cut him from that story (also really missed Jericho in that one, not going to lie...would have killed to see Dick and Joey interact). And in Batman vs. Robin as well, DC has the Court of Owls be the antagonists, and didn’t even bother to mention how Dick was supposed to be a Talon himself, or that his great grandfather was a Talon...which seems like a pretty big detail to me! Instead, Talon tries to recruit Damian, which is honestly just typical at this point lol. 

3) The erasure of Tim Drake and Oracle

DC should give Tim some love. He’s barely in anything lol. I actually think it’d be really cool to see Tim’s origin story play out in movie form; DC could milk the Jason-died angst for Bruce as they love to do, and seeing that NTT #55 scene with Dick and Bruce’s falling out on the big screen would be heart wrenching!! And then we would really be rooting for Tim to help fix things. I also think seeing Tim’s origins could help people connect with him. I think a big reason DC rarely puts Tim in movies is that people without intense comic book knowledge just don’t know about him or understand how he fits into things...so that would really help his character out I think. 

We also really need Oracle frankly. Why would you just erase a disabled superhero from your roster? There are few enough as it is! Barbara is so capable, her intel and computer skills are invaluable to Batman...she could really make a difference in some of these animated movies! Honestly, we just need some good Barbara Gordon in general, because the few movies she has been in as Batgirl you could cut her out and it would have zero effect on the larger plot. The one movie where she was a central character, her characterization unfortunately sucked ass. Barbara spent 75% of The Killing Joke obsessed with Batman (the other 25% she spent in the hospital), which is a disservice to her character. And every scene with her and Bruce in it made me want to tear my hair out because of how much Batman talked down to her. Especially...that one scene...was sooo yikes for me. And Babs still didn’t seem to know Batman’s secret identity afterwards, did Bruce not even take the cowl off for sex? God, I don’t even want to think about it, why did I even go there.

Anyway, there are a couple of other little beefs I have with the movies, but these are the main things that have me rolling my eyes. There are things I like about the movies as well. The fight scenes are usually pretty fun as long as they don’t involve Dick lol. The last part of the Killing Joke with Mark Hamill’s voice acting literally gave me chills, it was so good. Love Under the Red Hood, and, as long as I ignore the Nightwing erasure, the fact that DC let Kory lead the Teen Titans is stellar honestly. They seemed to take Starfire seriously for the most part, and at least they didn’t let Damian lead lol, there’s that. Honestly, sometimes I feel like the only character that is pretty consistently nailed in these movies is Alfred!

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

man...typical get together when it comes to my auntie bernadette.  ordered waaay too much food.  8 adults total.  there was a full tray of crispy pata, shanghai lumpia, kare kare, sinigang, a desert dish, a tray of some kind of fish, pancit, chicken adobo, and maybe 1 or 2 extra things.  i know...overkill.  i didn’t even put a dent into it after coming from the gym and being hungry.  the backyard is amazing.  it’s so kewl.  it would be awesome if we just used it as a getaway for the weekend.  go and swim in the pool, relax in the jacuzzi, maybe utilize the place to make food and then just spend the day relaxing together and having our own outdoor picnic literally in “our own backyard” as yo ucan see is pretty awesome.  they leave this thursday and i’m kind of shame to ask for any access right away.  but he has reservations of turning over the keys to the people who are literally begging and letting it be known they want to “house sit” just for the fact that they may be able to utilize the place.  me, i’d just use it for the backyard.  i wouldn’t even have to do in the house.  my uncle is okay with that.  so i told him about maybe utilizing a lock box so technically he wouldn’t have to turn the keys over.  yeah, they’d still have access to the house anytime they wanted but at least i wouldn’t have to go through them just to go into the backyard.  we’ll see.  they plan on coming back again next month so i’ll prolly inquire more about it then.  

nope...no hair cut...it’s growing in wild...and it’s pretty crazy long...and awesome...*lol*  i mean, my dad hates it, my mom is indifferent or maybe likes it cuz my dad hates it :P  me, it’s getting long but i’m kinda okay with it.  i think i get looks and i can’t tell if it’s the good or bad kind.  hard to tell.  not like i ask the girls in the gym what they may be talking about when they keep looking over at me.  maybe it’s because i run in the serenity room?  but no one ever uses the treadmills in there.  and i run and do my own thing, don’t bother anyone, it’s prolly the “safest” place there since it’s tucked in the corner and not many people utilize the machines around me.  i figure as long as i don’t do anything stupid or harass anyone, i should be okay, right?...*ws*  i am curious as to how it will be when i start palying basketball again though.  

i don’t think i bothered to ask about smoking or drinking preference and i don’t think i bothered to look at that.  i just talk with whoever chooses to talk to me so the smoking thing did catch me off guard.  

did i sleep with her?  haha...what do you think? :P  i spent a total of maybe 2 hours or so with her.  i met her at 99 ranch because she needed to pick up kimchee supplies and other asian food items for her daughters.  we went to the boba place where she tried avocado and she was surprised that avocado could even be made into something sweet like that.  all she knew about was guacamole as a dip with chips.  we talked in the car and we never left the parking lot of 99 ranch and i only hung out with her for a couple of hours or so because i was supposed to do something with family and the way she scheduled coming into town, i had to kind of fit her in to my schedule since i had already made plans.  she knew that i wouldn’t be able to dedicate much of my day to her but she decided to come down anyway.  i felt really bad that i couldn’t spend more time with her.  i wonder where your curiousity and question stems from.  i only wonder because i wonder if it reflects the same reason why i may wonder that some question about you.  

yeah...it is unfortunate that my encounter didn’t necessarily have me wanting more or sparking that interest in me that i would have with others.  i was thinking about you trying to motivate me to try some more/again in reaching out to her and seeing if maybe what i’m feeling is incorrecet and maybe that i was passing judgement on her and my view on her too early or whatnot.  so then i started to think about how many “regrets” have i had in where maybe my intuition of “losing interest” may have been wrong and if i had nay regrets in not pursuing anything further with anyone.  i can’t count you and Taylor aas regrets because what happened was out of my control.  i didn’t end up with the ending that i wanted with her not because i made a mistake and regret it.  it was out of my control.  much as it is with you.  i may or may not have a chance with you.  but still, it’s not through any fault of my own or letting you go ir making the decision to not pursue you.  thinking about every person that i “lost interest” in and decided not to pursue, i actually can sleep at night and not necessarily lose a lot of sleep wondering “what if”.  sure i think about what could have been, but it’s not something i dwell about that keeps me up at night.  every girl i’ve “lost interest in”, i’m okay with having not pursued them any further and whatever happens in their lives, i’m not going to kick myself in saying i made the wrong decision.  there are maybe 3 girls i can say that i maybe i wish i had pursued but for one reason or another, i contiously chose not to.  and it’s not because i lost interest in them.  it’s because i never even got or took the chance with them.  for those reasons, i can look back and say that i regret not trying more/harder.  so whatever may happen with this girl in the near future or in the long run, a part of me is already okay with having let go and not necessarily feeling i need to pursue her any more in order to convince myself that i like/want/need her in my life.  if she still wants to pursue me, that’s a decision that i can’t/don’t want to make for her.  

yeah...that “excited feeling”...i totally feel that with you.  i still do.  we mainly communicated through snap so everytime my snap alerts me for a message from someone, for the slightest moment, my heart will beat a little faster, and i wonder if it could be you.  i try to keep myself grounded and try not to get too carried away but then there are days where i don’t chat with anyone and then my snap notification will sound and i get that excited/scared/random/anxious feeling again that it may be you.  and then i see who it’s from and i slowly have to calm back down and orient myself to reality.  truth...i sometimes can or can’t tell when you are calling from work.  there are a couple numbers i feel like i can recognize and some i don’t so i answer not knowing if i’m answering because it’s you who is calling.  sometimes i’m wondering and waiting for it to be an automated call or a tellemarketer.  i wonder what you would think of me if you sa my reaction every time i see a call coming in from a number i think may be you.  or like i said, when snap sends me a notification.  i can’t believe even after all this time, i still react that way.  but yeah...i don’t get that feeling of excitement from her the way i get in regards to you.  it’s nice to know that you understand what i’m saying since you feel that way about me and my messages/interactions with you.  i always told you that you were the highlight of my days.  my interactions with you, even though extremely limited, it makes me feel like i still have that chance with you.  it may be a fool’s logic/reasoning but it kind of makes me believe i still have a chance.  so trust me, there are girls i talk to who still have that chance of keeping my interest.  this girl does say a lot of great and amazing things and she is a very kewl person.  but as far as captivating me, keeping me interested, and wanting more...i’m not feeling it.  like you said, it’s not to say that i may not change my mind or she may be able to change my mind.  but as of right now, if we were to remain just friends, i would be able to move on with my life and say that i gave her a fair chance and i kept an open mind about things.  in the end, there was something/s that i couldn’t get past, and for that, it’s my lose, not hers, but i’m at peace with my choice.

[creativefiend19]

Raven cycle asks 5 11 24 :)

Hey Anon! Thanks so much for the Asks. I’m loving them!

I already answered 5 :) Seems like a popular one!

 *

11. Opinions on Kavinsky?

Right. Not pulling any punches are you? This is going to be a long one (I’m tempted to make a Kavinsky-style ‘that’s what he said’ joke here, LOL). Just read the bolded bits if you can’t be bothered to read everything (I wouldn’t blame you.)

(TW: some canon level discussion of physical and sexual abuse, but Kavinsky is his own warning anyway, right?)

I’m not actually going to answer about Kavinsky as a Person. Because, y’know, he’s to your taste or not. But I’m really interested in Kavinsky as a CHARACTER. How Maggie uses him to move the plot forward, why was he in TDT anyway. Here is my list, in no sort of order:

A. He was the villain of the piece. Very true, IMO. K was Coded to be the villain of TDT. We’ll come back to this in a bit.

B. He was Ronan’s gay awakening. Really tho? Idk. He did bring the Gay motif to the fore, I grant you. But the sex dream featured both K and Adam. And pretty much anything K said to Ronan about being gay was a slur or a joke or full of not very subtle internalised homophobia. Except maybe when he says to Ronan: Don’t tell me you don’t swing that way. This is K at his most authentic and vulnerable - no jokes or slurs now. Just desperation. 

Also, K definitely has low regard for Ronan's personal boundaries. Although, his dialogue about consent being overrated and 'sometimes you just gotta take it'? I've always wondered if the 'take it' hinted at K actually being a survivor of sexual abuse, rather than the more obvious indication of him being only the abuser.

(However, I love that little trip Ronan has of: does K have 3 balls, is he Gay etc. Lol)

But there is no doubt about the fact that K is, well, sexy – to put it frankly. Not just sleazy sexy, like bad boy sexy, but legitimately has animal magnetism. Even sensible Blue feels it a bit, when K enters Nino’s and she’s torn between wanting him to notice her, with his Full and Vulgar Lips, and being relieved that he doesn’t (definitely interesting that she thinks about K ‘swallowing’ her, just like Ronan dreams of later. Those must be Some Lips). Even Gansey is egged on by him at the substance party – with the infamous Molotov cocktails and the ‘dog’ dialogues. Adam seems the only person genuinely unaffected by K.

C. He was Ronan’s Dreaming mentor. Yup. Because Niall bloody Lynch was such a shit excuse for a dad or a responsible dreamer, Somebody had to teach our Hero, so we could have an actual fucking story. 

Ronan needed an Obi-Wan Kenobi. And how Absolutely Brilliant of Maggie to make KAVINSKY Ronan’s mentor! It’s like Darth Vader teaching Luke about the Force:‘In and out like a motherfucking thief, Luke. And, ah, speaking of motherfucking…’ (LOLL I crack myself up sometimes). So, it all immediately becomes hella complicated and interesting and full of possibilities!

Aside: unfortunately for the complexity of the story, Ronan isn’t actually swayed  by the Lure of the Dark. Or the Lure of the Kinky Sex. Or the Drugs. Or the Violence. All of which are supposedly siren calls to Ronan’s self-destructive tendencies. 

D. He showed how much of an asshole Ronan can be. (Okay, I LOVE Ronan to bits. But he’s not a perfect person, and is not meant to be. His flaws are never in question).

Ronan takes advantage of K offering to teach him to Dream and then just - fucks off! Without so much as a thank you, literally. Wham bam thank you ma’am. In fact, it was Ronan who was ‘in and out like a motherfucking thief’ in this situation, to be fanciful about it. Not saying how K reacted to this was in any way excusable, tho, let’s be clear.

But here is where Ronan’s arrogance makes him a POS. And maybe he was influenced by Gansey: We matter Ronan (and K doesn’t). Or maybe Ronan cares about field mice and people he loves and is an absolutely heartless bastard to everyone else. Maybe this is just pre-evolution Ronan and he grows into a less 17- year-old- toxic-masculine- closeted-gay- angry version of himself.

E. He is Adam’s narrative foil. So, here we have two ‘broken’ boys from horrible families, with violence in their backgrounds. Except Adam is poor and K is rich (and born Magical pbly). But K wastes it all on drugs and Dreams. Adam ‘rises above’ the disadvantages of his life, and works three jobs and is coded for Ivy-league greatness. 

F. He is Ronan’s narrative foil. This is who Ronan could’ve been if he hadn’t grown up cocooned in the loving valley of the Barns. (Corollary: so who would've K been, if he'd grown up at the Barns? Interestingly, Adam wonders this about himself in BLLB). 

So, the tools that Ronan uses to veer away from K’s path in life are the tools that make him the Hero of TDT, if not the Hero of TRC. Ronan is the Greywaren. He will not steal from Cabeswater. He is someone with unshakeable principles (mostly!). He loves himself and others (see Albino night horror, and Maggie actually saying: The Lynch brothers love themselves and each other). He is loved in return. 

And so, very much like a goth skinheaded Harry Potter, Ronan is coded to Rise above it all, as the Hero.

Therefore, K is coded to die as the villain.

That is the simple truth, as I see it. He existed to be the Big Bad, teach Ronan to dream, kidnap Matthew, lose the readers’ (and Ronan’s) sympathy, and show how not-K Adam is. And then die in a literal blaze of glory. 

So he’s out of the picture and not complicating the remaining storylines with his seductive presence. His Fatal Flaws make him Lose so the Heroes of the story Win. He is Bad and the Gangsey is Good. These are all understandable, and typical, authorial decisions.

TL;DR: So, in other words, I absolutely LOVE Kavinsky as a character. And I think he is one of Maggie’s most brilliant creations in TRC. And definitely the most tragic.

*

24. Who would you want to do a reading for you?

Thankfully, after that K thesis, this is a short one.

I would love for the three psychics to do my reading together: Maura, Calla and Persephone.

I would actually be very intrigued to have that ‘Tree of Life’ spread done, with All the Fox Way ladies (whom I Adore) and all their very individual card decks, but TBH I don’t want to know That much about my future LOL.

***

Anon – thanks for this absolutely Smashing  ask. It was so much fun for me, I cannot tell you. I hope it was fun for you too, and you don't regret opening this can of worms!

TRC Ask Meme

[thebibliosphere]

I just wanted to put out the ask to you joy, and any others. I have been diagnosed with food allergies, and I have two thoughts / questions. One, has anyone ever had an allergy that was present, then went away? My doctor diagnosed me as allergic to eggs, and then when I went back 6 months later, that allergy was gone, and replaced with two others (foods that I had been eating up to that point, and was now allergic to.) Next, what's a good pasta replacement for allergy to rice corn and wheat?

Hi @lilnizzie I’m going to throw this under a cut as it got pretty long, but I hope you are able to view this. Let me know if the readmore breaks it.

Allergies can and do fluctuate... but not typically in that way for most people.

Some people grow out of allergies, while others grow into them. And then there’s the people like me whose bodies cannot regulate histamine, (something which we all produce and need for important cell functions like healing and keeping us safe from pathogens) and who can develop fluctuating allergies depending on how overstimulated their mast cells are, which are the cells that regulate histamine release into the tissue and blood.

You may have seen me refer to my condition as MCAS, or mast cell activation syndrome. Basically, those all-important cells of mine don’t work quite right, and as part of that, I have developed a severe histamine intolerance or HIT for short.

So for instance, eggs, particularly the white of eggs, are high in histamine (the yolk is not, weird how that works right?) and some folk with histamine regulation problems (HIT) may not be able to eat them at all, while others are able to eat the yolk, or some folks like me who are able to eat eggs as part of an ingredient (say, cornbread) provided our “histamine bucket” isn’t overflowing.

Which okay, how do I explain this... so have you heard the phrase “window of tolerance?” As in, your threshold for being able to cope with things? Well, they used to refer to this reaction as being “histamine window of tolerance”, but since more research has come to light that suggests our inability to self regulate histamine is down to a stacking effect, hence the analogy of the bucket. The more you put into an already full bucket, the more things will overflow, and before you know it you are dealing with the overspill of problems.

This can either be caused by diet, elemental factors such as pollen, dust, pet dander, etc. etc., heat, cold, exercise, and yes, even stress. (This is because mast cells are in every tissue in the body, including the brain, and they do not like stress hormones, no they do not.) For some people, the reactions are mild and fleeting and may even be mistaken for hayfever, causing only minor ailments that can be regulated by taking anti-histamines. Some others are unfortunate enough to develop full-blown MCAS (or other mast cell issues) and are at risk of anaphylaxis and must carry an epi-pen at all times. I’m one of the latter. If it helps, think of it as a sliding scale disorder, with mild HIT on one end, and “What-in- the-name-of-God-is-this?!?” level of reactions on the other.

The condition can be managed, usually through diet and lifestyle changes for those with a mild case of HIT, and with the addition of mast cell stabilizing meds for those with the more severe MCAS.

So, why am I detailing all of this? Well, it might help to know that yes, the body can and does go off the deep end sometimes, and healthy people can and do develop new allergies over time. But I’ll level with you, all the foods you listed up there are poorly tolerated by folks with HIT when their “buckets” are full, and your fluctuating egg allergy might also be a clue that something isn’t quite working the way it ought to.

Of course, I’m not a doctor and I cannot give you any real concrete advice, only my own experiences of learning to manage this condition over the last 8 months after an astute nutritionist looked at all my food intolerances and allergies, and finally after years of suffering, offered me a diagnosis.

But what I will say, given that you’re already talking to an allergist, is that it might not be a bad idea to get your blood tryptase levels checked. It’s not an entirely accurate test, as you need to be in the midst of a flare to get a result, but for some folk it can tell the doc right off the bat if something is going awry, making it a good first stage in ruling out more severe conditions which may be causing your allergic responses to fluctuate in this way.

Now, I know that’s a whole wall of text right there, and I’d hate for you to be reading it and panicking, so allow me to say, if you do have issues with regulating histamine on your own, it is manageable. Since getting my diagnosis 8 months ago, I am a lot more stable than I have been for...probably my entire life tbh (Sure my pernicious anemia didn’t help, but the MCAS is its own ordeal.) I’m even getting to eat more foods as my body stabilizes and stops being in a state of continual meltdown. Which is amazing! Fruit! Iconic!

Sure there are some foods I’ll never be able to eat again, but eh, there’s better things in life :)

Also, just in case anyone recs it in the comments or reblogs, yes there is such a thing as a low histamine diet, but it is not a long term solution and should ideally only be carried out under medical supervision. The low HIT diet is extremely low on nutrients, and if done for too long can cause all sorts of other health issues. I was left on mine for over 2 years by a negligent doctor, and am only just now starting to recover from the extreme malnourishment this caused. Apparently, the longest you should do it for is 2-4 weeks to see if symptoms improve, and then you try adding foods back in one at a time to see what you can tolerate. Who knew? (I wish I had.)

Again, not a doctor, I can’t diagnose you and I am not even saying this is what your problem is, but given what you’re asking me, I feel it prudent to share my knowledge about the wonderful world of fluctuating allergies that seem to come and go with no rhyme or reason.

As for things you can supplement, oatmeal can be used to create a savory dish that is similar to rice. I used to cook mine up with a stock cube to make it savory, then add my vegetables into. It was like a very Scottish version of risotto, but I liked it lol. ETD tells me it tastes like “stuffing” which I dunno if that’s good or not, but he always eats it when I make it. If you have issues with stock cubes, cooking it up with salt and using things like fresh herbs will have a similar effect.

You may also be able to use things like coconut flour, or spelt flour, though not everyone can eat spelt if they have a wheat issue, so watch out for that. Tapioca flour is also an option, as are nut flowers if you’re trying to bake. Watch out for a lot of boxed gluten-free stuff though, xanthum gum is typically derived from corn.

Another option would be to make “vegetable mash” which is basically what it sounds like. I like to use potato for mine because it’s one of the few carbs I can get, mash it up, then dice in my other veggies (and meat of choice) and that’s basically how I avoided grains for as long as I did. Sweet potato works well for this too. Basically, if you have to avoid grains, which it sounds like you do, veggies are a good way to keep your carbs up.

Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful... I feel like I rambled, but... yeah, I know way too much about this kind of thing for someone who went to school for liberal arts lol

[m00nlitknight]

Neoclassical

fandom: star wars ( sequel trilogy )  /  greek mythos au pairing:  kylo ren / reader word count:  1,635 warnings:  slight mommy issues summary:   Oh, how one tires of stagnant days. extra:   AH my first work in another fandom! :') i hope it's enjoyable! please do leave feedback if you liked it? depending on the reception i may or may not stretch it to another chapter or something. thank you for reading! ♡ as a side note, i had him refer to the reader as a lilac due to the meanings of the flower: purity + innocence. i would've gone with daisy but i didn't wanna step on daisy ridley's toes lol

archive of our own link

Soft, green grass crushes beneath bare feet. It grew unruly, appearing jagged in some places, brushing anywhere from an ankle to grazing mid-thigh. The wind hummed past gently, rustling not only the unruly grass, but also unruly locks from the top of your crown, beginnings the misplacement of a newly made daisy crown. The day was akin to any other; gorgeous. Unfortunately, you’d grown used to the cycle of its static beauty, instead attempting to salvage appreciation and savor the flavor of the nature at your disposal. However, despite this, you couldn’t help but find yourself becoming a bit desensitized to it.

Every day felt as though it was a trial of the same tribulations; a dance you’d become well acquainted with. To awaken with the sun’s rise, her golden kiss of the horizon enough to rouse your eyes open and put your body in gear. Mother had always claimed that being early to rise would aid in your overall mood for the day, not that you had much particular input on how She’d micromanage how you felt

You began your day with a hearty breakfast of the typically vegetarian variety, typically a nod of appreciation to the work that your mother did. Those around you encouraged to take your time with eating, to allow the flavors of each bite play on your tongue like a Shakespearean play. It amused you in the beginning, taking their words to heart and practicing it just to go along with their wishes. As time wore on, the days blurring together with one another, you found yourself tiring of the routine - of all the routines.

The remainder of the morning would leave you to work on whatever skills She deemed a necessity. Sewing and cooking and honing the prowess growing within you. It festered, beautiful and green, just like Mother’s. Then, the day was yours to explore the lands. The sprawling, gracious, and luxurious Lands. Sometimes you would mingle with the creatures who found home in the forest, those who made their home in the space of bark or in the shimmer of puddles and streams. Though you’d never spoken to Her of them, you were sure she’d known of them. As always, you were simply under Her eye.

Throughout the evening, when the sun’s descent on the other side of the sky colored the clouds orange, or pink, or purple, you would be making yourself another meal. This one was of your own choice, if it included meat, it would be game you’d brought down by your own hand.

Yes, the days blurred together, and the exhilaration of this lifestyle granted to you was beginning to dull, you found yourself craving more than what was granted to you. The freedom was thrilling in comparison to what you had before, and in retrospect, felt as though chains bound you to who you once were.

So as you wander the sprawling green fields, dotted with wild flowers and wildlife that sometimes graced your vision, you wonder if you can find yourself passed the typical borders of what your allowed. To push the limits, pass through the forest filled to the brim with gentle woodland creatures, and see what lie ahead; out from under Her eye.

The thought alone ignited curiosity and wonder through your veins, though not to your face. Never to your face, for that was the first place She’d look if something were to go awry. As momentary as the plan and excitement of it was, it faded, replacing itself with cool, hard fear; like a rock at the pit of your stomach.

Blindly did your feet carry you throughout the woods, passing by many private eyes who seemed nearly enthralled with your every move. Soon, you found yourself perched by a small pond, atop a branch sturdy enough to hold your weight. Around you the scenery came alive, shaping into nymphs with bubbly giggles and typical friendly dispositions. They approached you from their respective residences, glee plastered on their technicolor features. You watched them with idle interest, making a mimic of their expressions as one leaned on the branch beside you.

“Oh, Spring’s Daughter! We’re so glad you came today,” her voice was angelic in tone, as though a choir came together to make her tone; a match made in heaven with her gorgeous foam-colored skin, milky eyes, and shimmering blue hair. “Something has come to our attention, something of interest!”

“Quite the interest,” another said, of oak skin and pearly grin. Her voice, though not as striking, held its own with a soft, melodic tone.

“Are you going to keep me in the dark, then?” You giggle yourself, allowing a genuine smile to brighten your typically hollow features. “C’mon, tell me!”

The quartet around you looks to one another, sharing a conversation of glances. Another giggles, her deep, emerald eyes looking so deep into you, you wondered if she could grasp your heart.

“Do you promise to not show anyone else?” Her tone bordered playful as she leaned herself onto you, forehead to forehead.

“Absolutely not ,” your voice was startlingly quiet, your smile reaching that of a grin.

“Okay, okay, here hold your palm out, I’ll take you,” the fourth one said, with wide eyes and a straight faced expression. Her aura wasn’t as ethereal or peppy, instead something of a darker caliber radiated from her. With ashy-gray skin and pin-straight black hair, she held her hand out to you.

Hesitantly, you put your hand into hers, allowing your curiosity to get the better of you. The other three nymphs allowed themselves to giggle, trotting off to cause a ruckus somewhere else. You watched them for a moment, nervousness beginning to creep into the heels of your feet. It felt as though they were taking your solace with them, in a way.

Looking back to the placid nymph, she cracked a small smile; a seemingly unpracticed expression for her doe-eyed features. You offered a small smile back as she turned, leading you through the familiar woods. Many creatures paid you no mind, though some stopped in their tracks and stared, prompting you to stare back.

“So, where are we going, anyway?” You decide to break the silence, in hopes to shake the building anxiety on your back.

“You’ll see.”

The cryptic answer leaves you bemused, and you look around once more. The scenery, of the typically lush and familiar flourishing kind, are slowly becoming less reminiscent of Her trademark Land. It worries you, despite recalling the vague exhilaration at this exact act crossing your mind hours before. Even worse, the sky had transitioned from the lovely blue you’d spent so long staring at into the beautiful palette which signaled the end of the day was coming soon, leaving the light to come through the tree’s canopy to become somewhat scarce. It left you uneasy, just how long had you two been walking, anyway?

You continued on silently with your unease for awhile until your companion came to a stop. The scenery around was different, not helped by the monochrome, silver moonlight beginning to scatter through the trees. What uniformity was typically held in your Mother’s regard seemed to have been forgone here, instead an unruly, beautiful, ever-changing mess you found yourself fascinated by.

“We’re here, Spring,” she murmured, turning to you. Her voice was hollow, a quiet thing you found yourself becoming wary of.

“What is it that you wanted to show me, then?”

“Take a step over here.”

You momentarily gnaw on your lip, stepping forward to where she’d told you to. The air grew heavy, thicker than just the humidity you were aware of, and all too quickly. No, it was darker, tenser, laced with a kind of energy you’d never had around you. Amid the feeling of anxiety on your back, it drew you in, causing another trembling, yet eager step forward.

A figure began materializing, sapping out whatever silvery moonlight was around for a moment before stepping forward and sending a brief wave of force with them, knocking you off balance.

You took a second to regain your composure before taking him all in. Darkness radiated off of hi in waves, like how life and youth radiated from you. He was donned in all black, with pale skin, and seemingly monochrome in the pale moonlight of the early nightfall. In his hand was an object, one you were unable to make out for a moment before witnessing its ignition. It cut through the single-toned light with an angry and red and threatening light, to which he lowered closer to you, as if to use it like a lantern.

Thankful to some miracle, your breathing stayed level, though your mouth hung slightly agape as you awaited a reaction to grace his stony, scar-ridden face. Anything to change in his deep, dark, brown eyes. A slight twinge to his lower lip, and he finally broke the tension.

“Are you afraid, my dear lilac?” His voice resembled the velvety texture of a petal as his unoccupied hand came to rest under your chin.

Your mouth came to shut, eyes wide and deer-like as you shook your head. There was no way your voice was going to work enough to even say any kind of meager reply.

“Do you know who I am?” Amusement seemed to toy not only in his tone, but also on his face.

“Hades,” your voice came out small, rabbit-like in its timidness.

“I see Mother taught you well,” he snickered coolly, looking to the nymph who led you here. “Fantastic job. You live another day.”

He stood to his full height, eyes seeming entranced on your expression once again before his face returned to stoicism. “May we meet again, lilac.”

And with that, he and the nymph disappeared, leaving you alone.

[cleoxortiz]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐨.

( cindy kimberly, cis female ) hey ! have you seen CLEO ORTIZ around ? SHE works as a BARTENDER at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO WEEKS. they tend to be AMBITIOUS & AUDACIOUS, but can also be VEXING & HUBRISTIC. the other employees have labeled them THE HELLKITE. thanks a lot ! ( the sound of stilettos against marble floors, a menacing smile worn on red lips, the glimmering lights of the manhattan skyline, a silent eye-roll that cuts deeper than words ) [ jocey, 23, est, she/her ]

it’s ya girl jocey and i’m so excited for all the fluffy holiday cUTeNesS! apologizing in advance for the terror that is cleo. she is truly the worst™. but i love the grinch stole christmas, so y’kNOW WHAT? this felt v fitting ok sdkgkgjk. so hit that subscribe like button if ya wanna plot & we can chitty chat on discord!

name : cleo valentina ortiz age : twenty-one sexuality : pansexual hometown : new york city, new york job : bartender at the avalanche pub

━ the ortiz’s didn’t always have a net worth of millions. with humble beginnings in catalonia, spain, the family moved to america a couple generations ago to expand their winery business. it was only then did the family-run business grow by producing, shipping and selling their premium wine brand. eventually they got into the nightlife entertainment business as well, through acquiring and running several bars, clubs and lounges all around america.

━  as the second and youngest child born to miguel and selena, it was never in the books for cleo to take over the family business. a traditional man, her father had always groomed her older brother, adrian, to be his successor. her father’s bias always left her feeling bitter and resentful, and only drove her ambitions and determination to prove him wrong. the more he kept her at arm’s length, the more driven she was to find an in.

━ unfortunately, her mother, a socialite/philanthropist herself, also had different plans for cleo - something along the lines of becoming a debutante and her daughter following in her footsteps. from being forced into piano lessons, ballet and etiquette classes, she absolutely despised the person her family wanted to mold her into. both stubborn in wanting to get their way, cleo and her mother’s differences pulled their mother-daughter relationship further and further apart.

━  even her mom’s passing when she was 14 did little to change cleo’s opinion in the matter. she claimed she didn’t care about the woman’s death, nor did it affect her whatsoever, and she will gladly tell anyone that. but the fact that she currently attended columbia university, her mom’s alma mater, may hint at something different.

━  a hustler with an alpha bitch mentality, she’s always outsmarting people and outsmarting the system to get things to work in her favour. and when that didn’t work, no one could ever say no to a big fat wad of cash. because cleo ortiz never loses. she doesn’t just play the game, she owns it, makes the rules and wins. every. damn. time. does she think she’s better than everyone? without a doubt. does she care about anyone other than herself? not a chance. if it ever appeared that she did, then chances are, it’s only to benefit herself somehow.

━  cleo swears by the belief that playing by the rules was for suckers and if you weren’t the best, then you were nothing at all. and sometimes being the best required playing dirty. if she has to ruin someone else’s life to get her way, then she will gladly pour a jug of gasoline, light a match and enjoy watching it go up in flames. hell, more often than not, she’ll do that just purely for her own enjoyment. because if she has to be bitter and miserable, then why shouldn’t everyone else be too?

━  with that mentality, it’s no surprise that cleo came up with a scheme to sabotage her father’s newest business deal with the owner of big bear resort. the ortiz family had been vacationing there since she was little, so it was only right that they expanded their business roots there as well. unfortunately, cleo screwed herself over with her own ambition and the scheme more or less blew up in her face. 

━  in an attempt to salvage the partnership, cleo was given an ultimatum - work at the resort, or face the legal repercussions and risk losing her trust fund. she didn’t have to think twice about which option to go with. working at the resort would just give her twice as many opportunities to sabotage the deal, yet again. and this time, she didn’t plan on leaving until she succeeded. the only minor obstacle was having to actually work while she was here, but how hard could bartending be, right??

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BEST FRIEND ━  someone who can put up with cleo’s awfulness, or maybe they’re just as awful as she is. this is probably one of the few people she’s actually relatively soft for ( not that she’d ever admit it ), will always have their back & will probably? let her guard down for. gimme some soft bestie feels for this cold bitch.  taken by kieran rhodes, caleb xu PARTNER-IN-CRIME  ━  i’m sure even satan has a little devil on his shoulder, so cleo needs one too. basically they like to stir up all kinds of trouble together, both fueling each other’s vices.  taken by ian moon, harper delgado MORAL CONSCIENCE  ━  does cleo even have a moral compass? your guess is as good as mine. this is someone she is more likely to listen to and could try to sway her from doing, y’know, ~*just cleo things*~. kind of like the angel on her shoulder. often tries to get her to just be a decent human being. the cindy lou to her grinch if you will LOL??  taken by aylie greer BAD INFLUENCE  ━  someone cleo is a bad influence on. she’s the little devil on their shoulder and manipulates convinces them to do ~*just cleo things*~ with her. after all, she needs to entertain herself somehow while she’s stuck here esgjdgkgk.  taken by claire beauvard ON/OFF  ━  they’ve been in this on-and-off relationship for what’s felt like forever and  they have their moments, but didn’t always get along. despite that, they just keep coming back to each other for their own reasons.  taken by marco di angelo ENEMIES  ━  homegirl can piss off a lot of people just for shits and giggles, nor does she care to be likeable and personable, so i’m sure she’s got a hella long list of enemies/people she rubs the wrong way. also people she’s sabotaged, fucked over and manipulated to get her way? plz.  taken by kamille osman, theodora kwon CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ━  they’ve known each other since they were kids, probably met when cleo’s family visited big bear. they can still be friendly, not get along at all, or maybe it’s an ex-friend situation. UNWANTED CHILD  ━  cleo somehow ended up being this person’s very reluctant mom friend. she hates it, she does not want to deal with them, and yet she’ll still go pick up their drunk ass at 4am. she’s all about tough love, so while she may be super harsh and hard on them, she does it because she cares ( not that she’d ever actually admit to caring ).  taken by leo takanashi UNLIKELY/ACCIDENTAL FRIENDS  ━ they shouldn’t get along, but somehow they just do and their friendship works. not typically someone cleo would see herself being friends with, but one way or another, an accidental friendship of sorts developed.  taken by callie macdermot, nadia perez, ivan anderson MUTUAL ANNOYANCE ━  they annoy each other to no end and just live for pushing each other’s buttons. not quite a hatred, but some days, it’s pretty darn close. maybe there’s some sexual tension involved cuz that’s always the good shiet.  taken by axel schaefer HOOK-UPS/FWBS ━  self-explanatory. a girl’s got needs. whether she actually likes you as a person or not, if you’re hot, then you’ll do the job. rip why is she like this. we can make it angsty or not because tbh cleo can be pretty possessive sometimes, so y’knOW.  taken by roman walsh

okay, that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. some plots i’m open for multiple characters to fill, unless it has been crossed out. and ofc, i’m always open to new ideas too!

[believe-in-the-unbelievable]

So I need to entrust some emotions on the internet for a minute here Bc I don’t rly have many personal friends that like talking about religion/spirituality stuff, and/or some i just don’t know their stance on, but like

I’ve been really distressed and sad for months and months now whenever it comes to what my heart wants to believe, what the majority of others believe, and what appears to be the truth of things.

I want, very much, in my heart, to believe in the existence of all deities. And to believe that they all love us, and are looking out for us, and want the best for us. No matter what our culture/s, where we live in the world, or anything like that. Even if I never actually have any interactions, sought out or otherwise, with, say, Japanese gods, I don’t like the idea of them turning me, or anyone else away, just because you’re not Japanese and/or living in Japan. I love and respect them because I consider them family, and I want them to see me in the same way. And all of us.

I want, in my heart, to not believe that Satan is this Horrible Person That Wants Your Souls and blah blah blah

Nor do I want to believe demons are here to try and make that happen, or always only want to scare you and terrorize you and ruin your life.

I want to believe basically the Lucifer (show, lol) version of things. Where he had to learn and grow (and I’m sure still does so) just as much as any of us. Where he’s not bad, or maybe struggles with that all the time, but still isn’t technically Evil or whatever. And demons are, or at least have the potential to be, just the same.

But, at the same time, when you constantly see and hear things about people’s experiences with things they shouldn’t mess with like Ouija boards, or sometimes even just paranormal investigating as safely as possible, hearing about bad experiences with things that sure don’t sound like only ghosts or spirits, it can feel hard to think maybe the truth isn’t as dark and scary as these stories are.

I want there to be something after we die. The thought that you just end, depresses me, and it always has and probably always will.

I don’t really care what awaits us, wether we reincarnate (the idea definitely sounds cool and sure seems to have a lot of cases that proves it’s happened before), still atone for whatever bad things we’ve done in one way or another in life, but genuinely want to become better as a race, and reincarnate to try and do just that, wether, eventually, some deity or deities come to make us immortal and we just live in legit peace and happiness for forever or smthn, like some kind of Bible Revelations shit, which I can’t say doesn’t sound unappealing to me or not make me happy at the thought of, I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want something, and I don’t want it to be sad. It would be great if we didn’t have to go through a sad period that separated the “Good” people, or “good people that believe this specific thing” from the “Bad” people, or if we at least didn’t have to have something sad and horrible happen to get to that happy ending, whatever it is. But I do understand sometimes sad and awful things have to happen before you can get to the happier ending. But I definitely hate, with a fiery passion, the idea that only people that accept one religion the way the majority of people WANT them to accept it, won’t get that happy ending, just because.

But then you’ve got so many people shoving in your face proof of the End Times and shit like that.

I don’t want this to be the end times. I’m 22. I’m young. There’s so much I want to do while I’m alive. There’s so many wonderful new generations coming. I want to see them blossom and grow, and make this sometimes awful world a better place. We’ve barely started to get our shit together, and it doesn’t even seem like we’ve been here for all that long when you think about it.

And it sucks, too, because I feel like I’m not really gonna be able to ever get any kind of irl interaction that gives support to that at all.

On one hand I’m certainly not a typical Christian. I don’t even call myself one anymore, but it’s not like I don’t wanna like certain things about it. And the truth, not what the majority of the believers tend to try and push. (I know not all of them are horrible, that’s why I say the majority Bc I was once in it and unfortunately know first hand just how true that is.)

On the other hand I’m not really a typical Heathen or Pagan either.

And on the third hand, I’m not straight, nor am I cis.

So, yeah, maybe I could eventually go to a church that’s LGBT friendly once I get my own way of being able to get to one separate from the phobic, sexist, racist churches my parents want to go to all the time. But will they shun me for wanting (and actively being) open to other beliefs too?

My parents, already being phobic, sexist, and racist as they are, are also the type of supposed Christians that I can’t stand, abusive, and try to be controlling. If I don’t want to go to church for perfectly understandable reasons, pray in the typical way they deem acceptable, or read my Bible all the time, they flip their shit and just assume I don’t believe anymore. That I’m being “rebellious against god”. And yeah, I am being rebellious lol. But against them, not god. 😒 I’m 22, and last year my mom threatened to kick me out of the house (that’s not hers), just because I don’t, and never really liked, expressing my belief in those ways. (It was an empty threat to try and scare me into doing them btw, don’t worry. They’re emotionally and verbally manipulative and abusive like that, but I’ll get out when I can, for now I just sadly have to deal with it for now and try to avoid the topic as much as possible.)

I know I know myself, that my parent’s voice don’t matter more than anyone else’s, and that what other’s say doesn’t matter. But I’m still human. I still don’t like hearing that I’m rejecting god just because of X Y Z. Because someone doesn’t approve of, or like, what I’m doing or how I’m doing it. I hate that kind of entitlement.

I don’t hate any religion. I don’t disbelieve any religion. Regardless of what I like the sound of, personally, or not. The only thing I hate are intollerant and cruel people, narrow minded or not.

But sometimes it just feels really dizzying, I guess. I know perfectly well that I can think and believe whatever my heart desires, it’s just been saddening me a lot for months now, that I have no idea of or when I’ll ever be able to have the chance to get support for when I’m having a hard time, like I am now, with someone I can actually interact with face to face. The internet’s amazing and great, but sometimes you’re just so surrounded by the opposite in your actual life that it would feel a lot better to have it around.

You’re welcome to relate, or comment, or reblog, or just leave something nice~. It would certainly help a lot right now ♥️

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Spiritual Log 2.0 November 26 2019

Subtitle: My personal essay on “The troubles of having BOOMER PARENTS,” actual or boomer-ized 😂

Hi everyone, so... This is the part 2 I was talking about... I have been planning to make this post since the OK Boomer thing popped out, which was around early this year? But I never got to, basically because life. Also because my writing app keeps crashing and just when I have written 4 pages of stuff or so, it died, and I didn’t get to save anything. I have to quit with the device, boot up the PC and do it because I cannot rest and I will not rest until I had this post up and running. So here you go, an account of having actual boomer parents lol But not all of them ok? Just most of them. Mine, at the very least. You don’t have to read this long-ass full-of-triggers post but if you need to feel validated because nobody  listens to your pain, it’s OK, feel free to read.

Disclaimers: I am writing this mostly for sharing and to give comfort to basically everyone who got negatively-affected deeply by the boomers in their lives. I am not putting any blame, just putting this info out there. Also, I am using the term "boomer" in its original sense, which is the shortened form of BABY BOOMERS aka the kids who were born around the time of World War II, most especially those born AFTER the war has ended. Also, don’t feel sad if you feel like your parents or other adult guardians just don’t get you. It’s bound to happen, and it’s better to just focus on the people who understand and get you better. Sometimes, if not most of the time, we just have to let go of expectations that the people we expect to understand the most because we’re related aka family members will do just that, but instead are the ones who will make us feel alienated the most. That’s quite painful at first, but very liberating once you get the hang of it.

OK, so before we get off-track, I shall start the premise of this post by saying that anyone who acts like a typical boomer aka isn’t open-minded, is too-fixed in their ways, isn’t open for discussions, has no ounce of creativity whatsoever, has no room for compromise or even agreeing to disagree, well, they’re boomers I guess? But what I will write here is an actual account of having actual boomer parents aka Pluto in Leo folks so yeah, you might wanna check out my post on that, right here. Then go back here lol

To start this post, I would like to mention that if you were led here, one way or another, I am here to tell you that this is no coincidence, the divine realms want you to reach your highest potential, but first to have to feel your lowest lows, through the eyes of other people. I will try my best not to make this a heavy post, but it might turn into one because I will be letting out my personal experiences and be at my weakest, even weaker than a soggy piece of bread. Please bear with me.

I don’t know who initially coined the term “OK boomer” but honestly, the phenomenon of youth infuriating the older generations is nothing new. This has been going on since time immemorial, which undoubtedly lead to steady improvements in science and technology. Unfortunately, when it comes to making connections, it pretty much just made understanding other people with large age gaps grow much harder, thus pushing them further apart. As a rebellious and hopelessly crazy child of boomer parents, this is how I faced my early life and even my life right now. It’s a way of living.

I don’t know exactly why boomer parents are just so hard-headed about things like work, stability, education, social standing, marriages, the lives of other people, the superficial stuff that pretty much other Pluto generations (again, see my post here lol) seem to not put that much energy into. They just had the best of luck by getting to choose their end goal, and following a straight, narrow-path to success that actually worked for them well. Go to school, get a job, get a higher education, you’ll get promoted, and then you’ll become a boss. Get married, have kids, buy a very large house and a really fast car, and you’ll be so happy. Climb the social ladder under all costs and you will find respect and success. That’s what these boomers swear by, because these life formula were something that they were able to easily get. Easy promotions (they will tell you that they worked “hard” for it, yeah like 2 years or so. I have been a work slave for more than 10 years and got nowhere so yeah, “hard work” is extremely subjective), easy grades (remember, so many breakthroughs came after their time so younger kiddies have to learn a whole lot more garbage in school), basically they had to struggle less than younger people have to do right now because there weren’t as many people they have to compete with. 

Don’t expect boomers to ever feel your pain. I mean, if the tried and tested formula worked for them, they cannot see past the idea that it just doesn’t work for you. They will never accept the fact that you can see all the flaws and holes in the system, they were simply conditioned to believe that what they learned worked for them, therefore what they did was right and you should just suck it up like they did. It will never occur to them that you were just being your honest self, that you wanted something that aligns more with high-vibrational energies like REAL teamwork, emotional support, caring for the well-being of others, stuff that they never had to contend to because they were all cut-throat and had to be selfish AF when they were your age. They would blame dead-tired folks like us as lazy, unproductive, haven’t worked hard enough (with all your MS degrees and PhD’s and hundreds of seminars and congresses and certifications and competitions that you undertook) and all that downplaying yadah-yadah even if the only thing you haven’t done literally is to sell your soul to the devil just to get a measly raise. The system failed you tremendously even though you followed what your boomer parents told you to do, you did your best to live the most honest and straight path you could ever do, and yet you still didn’t get anywhere while the unscrupulous people were rolling in the deep by passing through all the loopholes in the system. This is something that boomer parents will never, ever understand and is something that we, as spiritually aware and awakened people must come to terms with and be open to accept.

Of course, don’t get me wrong. I am not shunning the idea of having a great, easy and abundant life. I have been doing my best to get to that point. I mean, yeah, sure it would be nice to have some food everyday, a house to live in, maybe feel a bit better than scraping each and every day, not get judged by other people, but honestly, once you start falling into the rabbit hole of waking up to what reality really is (spoiler alert: it’s not what you were told it would be, because you already tried EVERYTHING and nothing just worked out for you) it just makes even more nonsensical. These vague ideals of what happiness truly is (for these boomers) just aren’t exactly worth expending any energy into. Besides, based on my own experiences, no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to please everyone there are always a lot of people, including my own parents who just have so many negative things to say about me, so why even bother lol. SO I just gave up. I let them do whatever they want, I mean, it’s not like I have any good reputation left anyway. Besides, if I DO decide to show who I truly am, I just let my output and my work speak for myself. Whoever deems it ok can judge me however they would like it to be judged. It’s not like I never had issues like this before. And I have been so used to doing things on my own and not exactly relying much on other people so this is pretty much like my second skin. Being happy in it, gaining confidence, and ultimately using it to shield myself from the negative stuff the rest of the world throws at me is what I do a lot of.

Of course, it wasn’t always this way. I mean, as a kid I just couldn’t stand the idea of having to grow up at the speed of light because the parents aren’t exactly being parents. Most, if not all of the boomer parents out there, including my own have been hard pressed to do what they want in order to get ahead in their lives. No holds barred, no morality concerns, the most important thing is getting the results they want. Always be on top. Always succeed. Being Ok with failure is for losers. Zero cares on how the processes have been done, as long as they have their preferred outcome. I cannot stress how RESULTS are extremely important, alongside perfection at all costs. Certificates, awards, merits are things that are very important to boomers because they signify a sense of aptitude. Even if those credentials were all fake. Or even superficial. But that’s what they deem important. I can’t even tell you how many certificates, awards, trophies, all that stuff that my parents accomplished are here in our home, and yet you can count how many family pictures there are in here. Spoiler alert, my right hand has more fingers than we have family pictures here. It’s pretty sad, but I could safely say that for my boomer parents, it is very clear to me what their priorities in life were, and still are. And that’s something that I have been having a hard time moving past from, but I am doing my best to heal from that. It’s a deep wound, but I want to believe that I am going to be OK. Of course, because everything that stems from childhood is very hard to remove and is quite painful to do so, especially without any form of mental health practitioner aid, and, well, it’s an uphill struggle for everyone.

As a boomer’s kid, the very thing I could remember since childhood was doing a lot of stuff by myself, learning to do stuff on my own. We basically live and breathe DIY, so living by ourselves typically pose no problem. A whole bunch of us Pluto in Scorpio boomers’ kids had to typically raise ourselves, on our own, like self-raising flour lol but no, really, like we have to take care of ourselves a lot. No internet back then, phones were but a luxury and so were Cable TVs and gaming consoles, encyclopedias and other sources of information were limited to libraries (unless your family was rich enough to buy the latest set). Everything we learned, we learn through trial and error. No manuals,little to no instruction guides, no walkthroughs nor playthroughs, no cliffnotes. Not enough adult supervision. We just play outside with our peers, or on our own. Because the boomer parents are always out and about, chasing their careers, making a name for themselves, earning the cash they want so they can go out and take vacation breaks, buy the house and car that will make others envy them, that sort of stuff. 24/7 non-stop work because no work equals no pay and no pay equals less money to pay for loans, and less money to enjoy. This also means that no quality time to spend with kids, or get to know them, every interaction just consists of shallow stuff like how was school, did you get top grades, you’re not doing hard enough, stuff like that. Pretty shallow, if there even has any kind of interaction. Most of the time, they bring home extra work, so good luck getting some form of help with school. Of course, again, I am basing these on my own experiences, so you might wanna take a look at your own life experiences and compare them, see what makes sense aka what resonates.

For me, what I find really hard and painful is that I just cannot connect with my parents. And they have no intention of connecting with me in any way, shape or form. I have always been very keen and vocal on what I want, what I need, why I hate things, why I love things, why I hate getting hugs and kisses from my boomer parents’ friends, how I get bullied at school or elsewhere everyday, and why for some reason I could strongly feel the hidden intent of everybody, which is why I hate going out in public as well. Of course, telling these things to boomer parents can be a source of nightmares, because they would simply tell you that YOU ARE WRONG. Period. No questions asked. THEIR WORDS ARE AUTHORITY. Because for boomer parents, their children are just EXTENSIONS  OF THEMSELVES, and THUS THESE CHILDREN HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO EXPRESS ANY OPINIONS THAT DIFFER FROM THEIR OWN BECAUSE THEY ARE DEEMED INCAPABLE OF THINKING for THEMSELVES. Basically boomer parents assume that their children will always agree with them, thus bypassing the need to confirm and verify their actual wants and needs, even if in reality the children have actually very opposing and differing ideas. Hence the boomer parent tagline “I KNOW YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF” comes to mind. If the boomer parent does actually receive very, very differing and even polarized opinions from their children because they kept assuming that they know what the kids want or know, THESE people will always find a way to tell you that what you feel, what you hear, what you know ARE ALL WRONG. They will always tell you that YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCES IN LIFE SO DON’T EVEN BOTHER TELLING THEM THINGS THAT THEY WILL NEVER AGREE ON. Everything that they know is fixed and anything that contradicts their knowledge is JUST WRONG. Yep. Even more so if your parents are teachers, and because they teach other people and have high authority over them, they have grown accustomed to the identity of just being accepted without any complaints or dissention. A really horrible combo when you’re a genetically rebellious kid and your parents are boomers. What’s even more ironic is that they’re always out when you need people in your life, so you go to whoever is available to help you, thus you forge better connections outside your home, and in turn you absorb the ideologies of other people, because they make sense to you a whole lot more than what your boomer parents believe in. And yet they would and will always dare tell you that you’re basically not their child because you think so very differently from them. lol the irony is never lost on me. I find it usually funny when I exercise my Gemini detachments but when I fall into my Cancer abyss (it sucks to be a Cancer Venus) I just get all downtrodden and yeah, waterworks spill out. I had the cursed fate of having academic people as my boomer parents so I really had zero chances of being heard and understood. Even now. So in the end, why even bother?

IF you ask me, it’s because of the social conditioning of LOVING YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS EVEN IF THEY DON’T LOVE YOU BACK, AND DO NOT SUPPORT YOU NOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS is a very, very strong factor. Never mind the toxicity of relationships, I mean, those toxic relationships were very well-forged during childhood, so those things become quite normal, even if they should never even be to begin with. That is something that I have seen not just with myself but with a lot of people. People who keep putting up with jerks. People who end up in dead-end jobs and seeing the light in their eyes slowly die. Even worse, people who got hurt so much by others that they literally turn into the very thing that hurt them the most. It’s just so painful to see all of these, all because of the skewed ideals that FAMILIES SHOULD STICK TOGETHER THROUGH EVERYTHING. ALWAYS SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, even if they do you wrong. Even if they treat you like dirt. Even if they just suck the life out of you. Even if they just use you as an emotional crutch. Even if they don’t see you for who you are. Even if you mean nothing more than a tax break to them. 

I apologize for sounding like a ranting, ungrateful lunatic but I just had to let that out.I just feel so dead inside just typing all of those up, because to be honest, I got a lot more moral support from a random dude that I chatted with and never remembered the identity of ever again, than my own kin. Honestly, I’m about to turn into my mid-30s by 2020 and yet I still have to deal with these so much issues from my past while still doing my best to live and even thrive on this 3-dimensional realm, and for me, having to look at what screwed me up while NOT PUTTING BLAME on my boomer parents have been the most taxing thing I had to do since trying to win even an ounce of their affection way, way back. I am literally one heartstring away from giving up. I have been trying to see the light and to be honest, I can’t right now. What bothers me even more is that a lot of the spiritual community posts, articles, and videos kept invalidating the shitty stuff that happened to me when I was a lot younger, and the phrases that say “That is for the highest good, all are one, we are all from Source, everything is for the expansion of the Creator” seriously if I’m not in the best mood and my friendly demons have been running amok in my head because I haven’t played with them for a while, I would shun these posts and think that I would very much want to shove them all down in a tight box and throw that into an exploding volcano like seriously I don’t need this kind of crap right now. 

So if you’re in that phase right now, don’t worry, I got your back, you’re not going crazy, what you feel is valid because feelings rarely lie, if they ever do. You are beautiful, handsome, wonderful and awesome, and what you feel is not what you are. It’s OK to fray, as long as to your true self, you stay.

Well I hope that affirmation above calmed you down.

To sum up the boomer issue post:

This is mostly a post for the people who have been swimming upstream because the world we live in has really gone down to the dogs. Nothing makes sense and despite being silenced we strive to make ourselves heard and be known. For typical renegades and rebels, having issues with authority is one of their key themes in life, and in all honesty this can actually break them. Even just having them heard would mean a lot, but if you have boomer parents, well you’re better off signing up to go to Mars, you have better chances with that. This is because most of the boomer parents or even authority figures in general are not the kind of people that would readily give in to others that disagree with them, or even want to work with other people by sharing the space, the power, and the control. They likely see this as a threat to everything that they have done in the past, and as such, anyone and anything that strongly opposes their beliefs will ultimately end up getting crashed and burned, with no questions asked. Unless you vagrantly manipulate them by stoking their fragile ego like sucking up to them and agreeing with them all the time. They’re not that impenetrable as they want you to believe, but then again, why would you even use such low-vibrational tactics when you can just move on from them altogether. Their time on earth is pretty much near the end of their rope so just let them have their moment, and focus on yourself instead. Lay your foundation of living your best and highest-vibrational life. Or at the very least, just living an honest life and living your inner truth, guided by your highest and true Self. The joy you will find from that will be so much more worth it, so I support you in that goal.

Thank you so very much for stopping by, and reading this very long, personal post, and I pray that you find the healing you seek.

With love and hugs from Source above, I remain your Soul sibling,

Mikazuki

[jaysomehero]

The Smell of Sunflowers. A Short Story.

We all think from time to time, about being loved unconditionally, a mother's touch, a lover's embrace, acceptance of one's self. We as humans crave it. From the moment you are violently screaming your existence into the world to when you are peacefully closing your eyes for the very last time.

You are put onto a path, one that takes you through this rugged, beautiful, odd journey, By accident, by purpose, by chance. You are introduced to individuals that teach you a thing or two about yourself. This story, is like that. Lessons learned, and purposes found.

A short, brief love story. If you are not doing much, perhaps offer a bit of your time.

I digressed, I was never really good at introducing a topic or story. You can say this is my first. If I remember correctly it starts around the same time as it is today. Cold, fall is passing and winter engaged. Although it was cold I remember being so warm, kind of glowing. Rebranded with new purpose. Cold air wrapped itself loosely and swiftly, felt like lace around my face, I was walking to work, I worked fast food at the time. I was a cook and typically moving in a hurry to work, with my music turned up loud enough to where I felt I was there. I really like to walk with my headphones in. The feeling and vibes, I could paint hearing the assembled sound of instruments. I could see the vibe attached with my music, I felt like I could describe it so well. My first love, music.

I loved waiting till the last minute, then bolt out the door energy drink in hand and moving like a bullet through the wind. Gotta love that youth, am I right? I just started Graveyard, and I got told it wouldn't be my usual coworker. I was used to working with.. Well for personal reasons I can't give you a name, so let's call her Molerat, as derogatory as that can sound, I find it appropriate. Usually an innocent girl, she just had a way of flipping a script and twisting your words into a balloon animal. One that you were unaware that you apparently made.

I don't have much at the moment I care to tell you about Molerat. Other than that I was not going to be working with her that night, I came in that night, per my usual timing a few minutes late, head to the back dropped my bag off, my bag I carried had my wallet, keys, an extra flannel red in color, my portable speaker, phone charger and typically an extra energy drink in addition to the one I had already. I took my energy drink and speaker to my work station which would be the grill area, back then this ritual, I believed made the shift more enjoyable, even though it was not enjoyable.

The smell of grease and burnt meat would be swimming toward my nostrils. The last of a dinner rush would be exiting and as the previous shift members were heading out and I settled in

Enter.. my coworker for the evening, I remember her wearing this thin black jacket with a flannel underneath, carrying a skateboard technically a long board, and a rasta colored satchel. She had this piercing above her lip, not in the middle but on the side. It looked cute honestly. She had these big doe like eyes, and lips that pursed like to together like those old style Hollywood actresses. After everyone from the last shift left, and we both were settled in, I attempted to introduce myself to her, in this story ladies and gentlemen, no names will be used. So call me Crow, cheesy I know but there's a purpose the name plays on and we'll get to that later. I remember awkwardly sticking my hand out like I was closing a business deal or something. She glanced at it and told me her hands were dirty. I think she said like a few minutes later. I felt a little rejected but not completely devastated. I mean after all we were both just there to scrape up some money and go home. I still wanted to push my boundaries though, so I get my speaker and turn it on. One especially great thing about working graves was no managers or shift leaders to tell you you couldn't play music out loud and best believe I took full advantage of it.

So I offer her the option to play music, most people when asked to play music don't often play THEIR music. To me it was a intimate thing to share music, intimate in a way without touching or talking like you got to hear the vibes these people vibe with.

We exchanged music, swapping song from song, the kitchen was filled with tunes of all kinds vibes in the air, from gritty, fast paced punk, through the lyrical morose of indie, to the feeling of joy and excitement in old and new songs. "Musical Soulmate" was what she called me before the night was over. Hummingbird is what I'm gonna call her. She was precious and pretty like a small Hummingbird. Like a floating little daisy that smiled and made me feel warm.

All these vibes and phases that my music helped me through. Being projected and straight into the ears of Hummingbird, This moment as I look back I would wanna call this phase the Color Yellow. They said Vincent Van Gogh ate the color yellow to cure his depression, unfortunately and ultimately succumbing to depression. I suppose the god of Death wasn't keen on just waiting around for such an artist to arrive. Bet he's painting some really beautiful things right about now, I really appreciated his pieces that included sunflowers. Those are my favorite, You gotta really give it to Death for giving life meaning.

Happiness is what the color yellow resembled and happiness in life was what I mark this brief period of my life. This happiness would be a story of love.

Eventually November flew by and December idled, blink and you'll miss it. Hummingbird and I grew more accustomed to each other. Although no feelings of love were declared you could see it, if you were there. That we were screaming it everyday at each other with every word, action and song played. You see I was supposed to be leaving to Oregon sometime within the next year, and December was well on its way to concluding a long and significant year in my change. New Year's eve, I still remember, Hummingbird and I shared our first kiss. Bringing in the new year together I was supposed to be getting to a party that night with a few friends. That kiss made me realize that there was nowhere else I'd rather be besides next to my Hummingbird. Nowhere else I'd wanna go, unless she was right there with me. So I canceled that move.

These next monthes would be confusing, exciting, and terrifying. As the phrase suggests Falling in love was exactly that. Falling, and falling and falling not stopping until you do, we were such careless lazy lovers. Living those days inside each other, it wouldn't be until the eve month of summer that a very specific surprise would arrive. The Crow and Hummingbird would be intertwined for life by the bond of birth. We were pregnant. We spent the summer trying to wrap our heads around it all. Having no car and living in the desert was a big drag, and a big challenge. It felt like I couldn't keep a job either. We were tasked with getting to know the best and worst parts of each other through the pregnancy. There were times of doubt, and times of reassurance. Keeping in mind this is a love story.

We'd eventually get a car and life was easier and through Fall and through the Winter we spent out on the road and on our own, flying wherever we wanted to be, enjoying every holiday as our last ones alone before the fruit of our trees would join us. I significantly remember Christmas 2018, how much I felt grown up, happy and carefree with my beloved. I wasn't just a Crow anymore, I was a Lovebird. Crows can be lovebirds too! The only purpose for using the name Crow. Lol That night is and will always be unforgettable. This is a love story.

January arrived and the month we both waited for. Again another January brought upon a new change, but this time for both of us. Our young, strong daughter was brought into this world on the 15th of January bearing the sign of the Sea Goat like her father before her. Blue eyed and resembling the beauty of her mother. Another light in my life was lit. Both of my girls were here. My beloved and my precious little girl. This is a love story.

This year would be a year of also many changes. For the better I do not know. For the worst I would like to think not. Lots of growing I witnessed in my daughter and in my beloved Hummingbird. I've never seen more growth from one person than her. She willingly let herself blossom and bloom into a woman. Becoming stronger, wiser, and even more gorgeous. Aging like fine wine. No jewel, no treasure, no goddess rivaled it. This is still a love story.

Somewhere along this year maybe the ending of the summer, there was doubt. Lots of doubt. I see it now, I lost strength and I didn't lose it naturally, I let myself lose it. Doubt was only natural. Love as you know is what we as humans crave. To not feel alone in a world that individualizes each and everyone. To eventually feel alone while being in love is a nasty thing. Nobody deserves such a thing. Maybe somewhere along the lines or between them there was a long lost feeling I forgot to tend to. A strong feeling. Ancient in age and has been felt since the dawn of man. If left unattended could consume the best of a man. This... Is... Still... A... Love... Story...

Lots of yelling, lots of hurting, lots of choices made. In the short time from September to November. Ladies and gentlemen this is a still a story.

Where we are left now is at the end. There are no more friends, there isn't a lover, there will not be a happy ending. Because To be frank I don't know what has ended or what has begun. I deserve no sympathy, no sad songs, and especially no love.

I the Crow, did this to myself, and I the Crow am the only one that has to be the one to fix myself. There is no smell of sunflowers and the one who smells of sunflowers is the same as the color yellow. They are happiness, they are good. Listen when I tell you that emotions run logic into the ground if left unchecked. Good men lose the battle everytime, we are warriors and not everything has to be a fight with hands. I used to think I knew how It all worked and how I could be better than I was.

Truth is I left those demons unchecked. I destroyed what I was given. I'm lost and I just want to see my girls. Hold them both in my arms. I don't want to give up. I don't want to hate. I don't fucking want to feel like this anymore. This is a love story. This is our story, this is my story, the story of a Crow that didn't learn anything and repeated his cycle. What's left is to move forward. There's only one way direction travels and that way is the only way to go. I apologize and will continue to do so till my final breathe.

I've learned its humility that humbles you. A tragedy that wisens you, and finally clarity is reached when you finally have faced those demons.

To my Hummingbird, I love you and will always love you. I'm on a path right now for a better and wiser me. Stronger and good of spirit. I do this for myself. But... I do, do this to maybe one day reunite. To meet each other again for the first time. It won't be soon, but I do truly hope to live in your arms and you in mine once this journey is completed. We could maybe be one, once more.

I'm alive and well. I don't wish to disrupt you and your peace but I do wish to hear from you and our daughter. Your well being and adventures. Thanksgiving will be here soon. I'm thankful we got to meet. Thank you.

Forever yours, the Sunflower

The Crow, The Alien, the Strutman, the Lovely Love, Kylo Ren, Jaysomehero

J. Thomas