#(the last tag is obviously a familial ship don’t make it disgusting)

[j0ker-xy]

im internally sobbing because I just listened to Hazbin Hotel’s “More Than Anything” for like the millionth time and…

WHAT IF. WHAT IF “MORE THAN ANYTHING” BUT ITS SAE AND RIN INSTEAD OF LUCIFER AND CHARLIE

MY POOR LITTLE HEART ;-;

[rose-lord-of-simps]

AO3 fics

This is a list of AO3 fics I find and need a place to save so I can read them later! I’d save them in a file on my phone but my phone hates me and quite frankly, I don’t blame it.

Note: I also take fic finding requests! I can’t help you find specific fics but if there is a ship here you aren’t interested in or don’t ship but you want a fic for, let me know what genre you want and the ship or x reader and I’ll find it for you! Genres include fluff, romantic, spicy, angst!

Some of the descriptions are the actual descriptions from the fics, however some are just notes I made about them myself. NONE OF THESE ARE MINE AND I AM NOT TAKING CREDIT FOR THEM!

This is mostly just for me but I figured I’d post it so I can create a link for it on my page instead of going through my drafts to look for it.

Guide: ☘️ not completed 🍀 completed ❌ not read ✔️ read 🌶 spicy 🌹 romance 🌵angst 🌼 fluff

If you think an emoji on a fic should be changed, just let me know! I DID NOT PUT ANY TRIGGER WARNING IN THE DESCRIPTIONS! If I think there is something trigger or know there is I will tell you to read the tags and notes but if you read one of these with a mislabeled emojis or you think a 🌵 should be added, please let me know.

On the last day of every month I go through and update the info of if it is completed and how many chapters there are. Because of this some of the info may be wrong as you read this post.

Solangelo

A World Alone

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

10 chapters and part of a Series

🌼🌹 Nico was ready to propose - now he just needed to figure out how. He convinces Will to celebrate Hanukkah for the first time in years. The problem is, Nico doesn't know anything about Hanukkah.

The Ballad of Landon Creek

Completed ☘️ Read not all the way

22/32 updated 2021-03-05 left off on 16

🌵🌹🌼Doctor Will Solace had lived in the secluded Oregon town of Ladon Creek for a year when a mysterious stranger arrived and turned his world upside down.

PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS AND NOTES!

Kiribaku

A series of coincidental meetings

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

3 chapters - left off on 3

🌼 Exactly what the title says

Coat/Jacket

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter but part of a series!

🌼 Eijirou wakes up cold, alone, and worried. What hidden truths will he find when he seeks out his boyfriend?

Axis

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter but part of a series!

🌵 Ochako recieves a letter from Bakugo she never wanted.

Not Kiribaku centered but includes Kiribaku

And your name for the order is

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌼 Coffee shop AU where Kirishima is the only one who enjoys taking Bakugo’s order

Tell me the truth (even if it hurts)

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

3 chapters - left off on 3

🌵 little not much 🌹/🌼 Kirishima gets hit with a truth quirk but he isn’t the one telling the truth

Tell me Whatever

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter

🌼 mostly, Bakugo gets hit with a quirk and it becomes impossible to be lied to, and Kirishima is so very open

Bien Cuit

Completed ☘️ Read ❌

7/10 updated on 2021-02-12 left off on 1?

🌼🌹 “It’s the best cafe in town! You gotta try it!!” Kirishima exclaimed. “What’s the worse that can happen?” Kirishima asked. Bakugou should have fucking known better than to trust that Shitty Hair for a simple coffee recommendation.

Or : Bakugou Katsuki accidentally ends up in a cafe meet-cute with Deku’s former number one ride-or-die, Uraraka Ochako, and they catch feelings.

Fireflies

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌵🌹 romance and angst, soulmate AU!

Dis-ease

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

2 Chapters and part of a series left off on chapter 1

🌼Kirishima is sick and Bakugo takes care of him

I Missed You

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 Chapter

🌼 After a long mission, Bakugou and Kirishima talk on their couch, some sweet things are said, and their friends walk in on them making out.

5 Times Bakugou Katsuki was soft for Kirishima Eijirou and the 1 Time Everyone Found Out

Completed ☘️ Read not done yet

2/6 Chapters updated on 2021-01-19 left off on 2

🌼 Sunflowers, daisies, and a discussion about bubbles.

Light it up like dynamight

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter

🌼 Kirishima had a mission: to discover Bakugou’s favourite band. After all, he had a Christmas gift to buy.

Or, alternatively, in which best bros Kirishima and Bakugou go to a concert and they end the day being more than bros.

Valentine- a Kiribaku fluffshot

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 Chapter

🌹🌼 Happy valentine's day! Well, it's not not so happy for Katsuki, who's finally decided to confess to Eijirou. Much due to Mina's pushiness, he decided to confess through cliched Valentine's chocolates. Although he's nervous and doubtful, a good deal of hope sits buried in Katsuki's chest. But what will happen when the Bakusquad hangs out on Valentine's Day and someone notices the chocolates?

We don’t have to be ordinary

Completed 🍀 Read unfinished

8/8 chapters left off on 5

🌵🌹🌼 A Footloose AU that nobody asked for, but I'm certainly providing.

Sounds a little strange for someone who’s never watched footloose- BUT IT’S SO GOOD I PROMISE!

Gotta KiriBaku Them All

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

Eijiro Kirishima is a eighteen year old rock trainer in a world full of Pokemon. His childhood best friend Denki Kaminari travels with him to different regions. One fateful day they decide to enlist in a charity tournament at Lumiose City in Kalos. Who will they meet and what challenges will they face? Follow the boys as they make new friends and battle their way through the competition!

Im unsure how to emoji label this one so please read the tags and notes!

Bakugou and his Journal

Completed ☘️ Read not finished

1/2 chapters updated 2021-02-07

🌼🌵? (Unsure how to emoji label this) Bakugou’s journal.

Shinkami

Clashing Colors

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

3 chapters

🌼One month into classes at UA and shinso is being transferred into class 1-A, a small problem being that kaminari has started to have feelings for him and just to his luck, kaminari has been chosen to help shinso move into his new dorm.

(Obviously) They’re Married

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

6 chapters

🌹🌼mostly, Where Kaminari meets Shinso’s dads. But he doesn’t know who they are. Erasermic family!

5 + 1 Things : Kamishin

Completed 🍀 Read ?

1 Chapter

🌼🌵 5 times Kaminari was too loud for Shinso, 1 time he was too quite. Warning: language and brief mention of homophobia

Let me Scream

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌵🌼 Mina made Hitoshi drop an extremely personal note before reading it out loud with Denki present. Denki got mad at Hitoshi for the first time. A while later, he angrily opens up and tells Hitoshi why.

Or Hitoshi and Denki have their first argument as a couple.

You Make It Feel Like Christmas

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

🌼Kaminari and Shinsou spend their first Christmas together. Shinsou's never really celebrated Christmas and Kaminari is determined to give him a real Christmas

Catch Me

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

5 Chapters

🌼(but read the tags!) Shinsou and Kaminari meet by chance their first year of high school and spend one whirlwind day together that changes the trajectory of their entire lives. Three years later, after maintaining a long distance friendship, they are roommates, nearly through their first year at the University of Osaka. They are forever on the edge of something beyond friendship, but never quite able to take the leap of faith for fear of tainting their memories of that one, perfect day. That is, until Kaminari gets blackout drunk in a night of frustration and Shinsou won't let it go.

Pizza n Fries

Completed ☘️ Read not finished

3/? Chapters updated 2021-03-10 left off on 2

🌼 So here Kaminari sits, the most popular boy in school, alone, idly poking at his school lunch,, pizza. How the school managed to screw up pizza was beyond him, but at the same time he was once given a single slice of soggy bread for lunch. Just as he was about to get up to throw his plate in the trash, it's entire existence disgusted him, a deep voice sounded in, "school lunches am I right?"

We’ll Hold You When the Sky Falls Down

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 Chapter

🌹🌼This is a Kaminari x Jirou x Shinsou fic! Soulmate AU where you can write on your arm and it appears on your partner’s arm!

Denki Who is Not His Boyfriend

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌹🌶(a little bit) PLEASE READ THE RAGS OF THIS ONE AND THE NOTES

Kaminari Denki’s Very Strange Day

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌼 All hail Denki Kaminari, newly initiated drinker of respect women juice, matchmaker extraordinaire. Alternately, Shinsou Hitoshi simultaneously has the worst and best day of his life.

Tododeku

How did I not Know?

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌵 Aizawa is concerned when Todoroki starts to fall behind in class but dismissed it as the boy needing a break and that he would be fine when he came back to the dorms after a weekend of being at home. He never would've thought how wrong he was and how one weekend would reveal a lifetime of secrets about the Todoroki household. Though he just wished that the two teens would have been spared from the crossfire that is Endeavor.

Not Tododeku centric but they’re together

The Prince and the Painter

Completed ☘️ Read ❌

1/? Chapters updated 2021-01-30

🌵🌹🌼 Prince Shoto Todoroki is next in line for the Alterian throne. His father rules the Kingdom with an iron fist, giving Shoto no choice but to obey his every order. He is overworked, depressed, and utterly miserable. That is until he meets Izuku Midoriya, an avant-garde painter who starts to bring the color back into his dull life. But what happens when they start to fall in love with each other? Shoto is a Prince, and Izuku is just a painter, surely this cannot end well!

(Basically a royal AU! Lots of angst, family drama, and of course fluffy love. Enjoy!)

Of Flowers and Tattoos

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter and part of a series!

Shouto owns a tattoo parlor. Izuku owns a flower shop. Love (unsurprisingly) happens.

Property Of Prince Shotou Todoroki

Completed 🍀 Read not finished

9 chapters left off on 4

🌵🌹🌶little bit of Bakugou x Midoriya, prince Todoroki x peasant Deku AU! PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND NOTES!

Lady in Red

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter

🌼 Izuku’s mother refuses to tell him who her Valentine’s date is. Tododeku isn’t the main ship but it’s still included so it’s going here.

Something That I Want

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌹🌼🌵(lightly) TANGLED AU ITS SO GOOD OH MY GOSH-

The Cupid Quirk

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

23/23 chapters updated 2021-04-08

🌹🌼 During an attack at school, Midoriya gets hit by a quirk that leaves him infatuated with the first person he sees, which just so happens to be Todoroki Shouto. Due to an unfortunate side effect of the quirk, Midoriya breaks out into a horrible fever whenever they’re separated for too long, so Todoroki accepts the responsibility of caring for him until the quirk wears off. Problem is, Todoroki sort of, kind of, maybe likes Midoriya as more than just a friend, which makes the whole situation just a little awkward for him.

THIS IS AN AMAZING FIC AND I LOVE IT. You’re not gonna regret this read.

Erasermic

So They Follow in Our Footsteps

Completed ☘️ Read ❌

1/2 chapters 2021-01-22 part of a series!

🌵🌼 Eventually, Aizawa thinks, he’s going to figure Shinsou out. He’s gonna figure out what it means to tote around a kid through the zombie apocalypse like a Chanel bag, and what it means to get truly, murderously pissed when they’re threatened.

Zombie apocalypse AU! So- Apocolypse AU’s aren’t my thing so I don’t know why I have this one saved and I’m probably not going to read it, however I found a link for it on tumblr in the Erasermic tag so that’s where it’s going! ALSO READ THE NOTES OF THE CHAPTER!

Miritama

Glowing

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter and part of a series

🌼 Kirishima asks Tamaki about Mirio.

Of Octopus Balls and Contract Flaws

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 Chapter

🌼 Tamaki really had to be careful about what he said out loud sometimes, or else a simple frustrated phrase such as "I would sell my soul for some decent takoyaki" could easily be taking out of context.

Purple Haze

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter and part of a series!

🌹🌼Tamaki wants to know Mirio’s colour. “What’s your color? I wanna know, I wanna know.”

Burst of Sunlight

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

🌹🌼🌵(possibly) In the aftermath of the Shie Hassaikai raid, Tamaki looks after Mirio. One-shot. Soft Miritama

Summertime:Miritama

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

🌼 Amajiki Tamaki had always preferred the winter, until Mirio came along. Tamaki tells the story of him and Mirio by following their memories through the course of many summers.

Grossly Incandescent

Complete 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter

Mirio thinks, perhaps, his journey to find his own sun has found just the right path. Tamaki just do what he's supposed to and ring the bell. Their paths may just merge into one. OR Mirio knows incandescence when he sees it, but it's a bit harder to prove that to Tamaki if he's just going to hide under his hood all day!

Star Spots

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

🌹🌼 mirio looks so sad, beneath the surface, and tamaki wants to say something, but doesn't know what's best for his best friend. what do you do, what do you say, when your best friend lost something so important to them? or, a series of scenes where tamaki and mirio spend their time in each others company, make confessions, and make it through to the other side.

Moments of Peace

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 chapter and part of a series

🌹🌼Mirio wakes up way too early, and he takes a moment to appreciate the love of his life

The “Almost” Perfect Nest

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌹🌼Omega Tamaki likes to take comfort in the nests he creates to have Mirio's alpha scent around. He finds blankets and clothes that smell likes Mirio and throws them all into one big pile. So what happens the day he can't find a specific hoodie that belongs to Mirio? He loses it.

Love Confessions are Hard for Idiots

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌹🌼Mirio wants to confess.

Todoroki x Kaminari

Denki’s Life Essentials:Memes, food, and Shouto

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

1 Chapter

Denki tries to explain what memes are to Shouto and accidentally falls in love.

Hawks x Reader

Amans Avaritia

Completed ☘️ Read not all the way

3/? Chapters updated on 2021-01-05 left off on chapter 3

🌵🌹When the Prince of the feathered-folk Kingdom, Hawks, threatens to declare war on your kingdom, you’re forced to make the worst and best decision of your life.

Let’s Chase the Sun

Completed ☘️ Read ❌

19/? Updated on 2021-02-22

(I unsure what emojis to use) Your whole life you had been sheltered away from the real world, but you weren’t exactly alone in that aspect. You just had less freedom than him. Now, however, you would take him as a chance to live life the way you wanted to. Who cares about the consequences after all? Life isn’t easy, though, and that’s something you’ll have to learn, even with a capable hero at your side. Because to be honest, being with him is the biggest problem of all.

Im unsure what emojis to use so PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS and the NOTES in the first chapter!

Writers

Born Dead

MHA ship writer, mostly Kiribaku I believe

Multi-Ship

Totally Definetly Legit Leaked BNHA Valentine’s Day Light Novel Spoilers

Completed 🍀 Read ✔️

1 chapter

🌼 I honestly have no idea how to describe this, some Momo x Todoroki, and Kiribaku

If you don’t take this friendship, I will shove it up your ass

Completed ☘️ Read not finished

3/? Chapters updated 2021-01-31 left off on 2

🌼crack fic, no one ship specific, super funny!

The Todoroki In-Laws

Completed 🍀 Read ❌

13/13 COMPLETED and part of a series!

🌼crack fic Over 10 years after the fight against the Paranormal Liberation Front, Rumi, aka the part-time hero Miruko and the proud wife of one Todoroki Fuyumi, decides it would be an awesome idea to create a groupchat with the significant others of the other Todoroki siblings. Maybe things would be easier if its members weren’t two Pro Heroes, a former one and a rehabilitated villain, but… Honestly, where’s the fun in that?

Part 2 coming soon... there’s more...

[hermywolf]

Why are destiel fans so impossibly stupid to think they are endgame? Have you no respect for a family and friendship?Stop making actors and producers uncomfortable just because you are so disturb, that you need to see sexsual relationship everywhere. I feel pity for you. You will never be able to create real, healthy relationship in your life. Also get one.

oh man lmao okay. a lot to unpack here

first of all... cas confessed to dean. even if you want to believe it’s unrequited, cas’s love for dean is canon. second, if we want to believe dean is in love with cas too, which honestly is pratically canon at this point since dean was supposed to say it back in 15x18, how does that affect you in any way?? I have a lot of respect for family and friendship.. which is exactly why I think putting cas aside and barely mentioning him after his death didn’t make sense, btw. plus, just because I ship destiel doesn’t mean I can’t love their friendship too? friends to lovers is a very common trope for a reason, lovers who are also best friends is amazing and is what I believe destiel to be. also, yeah, cas is obviously dean’s family? I really don’t understand how me shipping destiel makes me have no respect for family or friendship.

second, if you’re talking about the obsessive fans that sometimes overstep and stalk or even harass actors and/or producers, I do NOT condone that at all. that’s absolutely disgusting. but if you just mean by that that we are making them uncomfortable by shipping destiel, you’re also implying they’re homophobic, since why would a gay relationship make them uncomfortable otherwise? both jensen and misha seem very comfortable with destiel, btw.

now... sexual relationship? as far as I know, destiel shippers are asking for a ROMANTIC relationship?? I’d much rather have them hold hands and being domestic on screen than fucking?? they don’t even have to kiss tbh, we just want confirmation that they’re together? also do you know most of the spn fandom/destiel shippers actually headcanon cas as asexual???

also, I am in a real, healthy relationship with my girlfriend lmao. yeah we’re gay and loving, and yeah we’d both love more lgbtq representation in media. but go off and assume what people’s personnal lives are like when you don’t even know them, I guess.

last but not least... are you really so angry about a queer fictional ship that you feel the need to go yell at people about it on tumblr? if you don’t like a ship that’s fine, just block the destiel tag and stay the fuck out of it. thank you.

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

Enemies | Darth Maul x Fem!Reader | Part I

Note: Maul is a little OOC in this story but I hope this is fine. Since this is the first part there’s a big part who’s basically just explaining and the rest is some action. I hope I brought out the feelings well :)

Also, I implemented one of my headcanons, that the horns of Zabrak grow a little when they’re happy/excited.

And whoops Reader is a Jedi Shadow again. People might have realized by now but I love them. No one can stop me ok.

Fandoms: Star Wars, The Clone Wars

Warnings: Non-Canon Story, Angst, Fighting, Death, Slight OOC, Original Characters

Summary of this series: Y/N mourns for something she can never have but Maul won’t let her.

Word Count: 7′034

Taglist: @princessayveke​ @pinkiemme​

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Masterlist

Part II

_______ 

They were children when they first met. He was so young. Only four years old. She was young too. Although 2 years older. He was a born nightbrother, but she didn't belong to the nightsisters.

In fact, her presence on Dathomir had been an accident. The ship that should have brought her to Coruscant crashed after they had been hunted by pirates. When she woke up, she was alone. There was no sign of the Jedi who took her from her parents or anyone else of the ship's crew. Only two curious yellow eyes that watched her from a safe distance.

"Who are you?!"

The first thing she wielded in her life wasn't a lightsaber, no, that would come later. It was a pathetic dry stick from a dead tree. Dathomir didn't have much to offer at the crashsite of her ship, unfortunately. 

She held the stick with both hands and proceeded to lie her head off:

"I am the princess from Coruscant, and my knights will kill you if you do anything to me! So come out!"

There was a short silence until a timid voice spoke:

"You're really a princess?"

That's when he first stepped before her, and they met eye to eye. He was a midget. A red midget with the roundest eyes she had ever seen and horns, which made him look like the bounty hunter in her hometown. But unlike that old man, he had strange black marks in his face.

"Of course, I am! Do I not look like one?!"

She never forgot his reply. "No, you look like one. You're beautiful!" Even then, he was already able to sweet talk.

His answer satisfied her and the arrogant child she was, she lowered her weapon and let him approach her. He did eventually, but he froze when she suddenly touched his head and small horns.

"Does your brain not hurt?"

It shouldn't have been possible, but the red skin colored boy turned red some more. Having her hands touching his head everywhere caused his cheeks to heat up.

"E-Everyone has these here!"

He grabbed her hands, and both of them paused. E/C met yellow. His innocent eyes showed her reflection and her dirty state. 

Suddenly she had to cry. Sir Jedi was probably dead after all. She left her parents behind, and she really missed her home. And her plushie. Mr. Grog might also be gone after the explosion of their spaceship.

Her tears surprised him and made him panic, something that happened even when they met years later. He tugged at her hands, and she got pulled into his arms. But unfortunately, he really was a squirt, and both of them tumbled to the ground.

His breath got taken away by her, laying on top of him, but he didn't mind. She was so different than the nightsisters he had met. Not disgusted of touching him. He fell in love right there and then. Though he would strongly deny it in the future.

"Why are you crying?"

He put his hand on her hair, and the softness stunned him. She really must be a princess. He petted her slowly, something he saw the older nightsisters do to the younger ones. He could feel her tears wetting his clothes, and her loneliness made his heart clench.

"I'm all alone now!"

But she wasn't, He was there. His hands were like magic. Her tears stopped soon after he began to draw things on her back.

"Y-You have me."

"But I don't know you!"

"My name is ... What's yours?"

"Y-Y/N."

And that's how they got to know each other. He had another name back then but he got rid of it. Maul was his new name. The boy took her to the village, told his mother that he found her all alone. He didn't give away that he had seen another person from the shipwreck. 

The nightsisters were suspicious first, but when they found out that she was force sensitive like them, they decided to take her in. For two years, she lived on Dathomir and learned the ways of the nightsisters with Maul as her best friend. 

"In the future, I will be your soulmate!"

When she had told her that he almost began to cry. Not a reaction you would expect from someone who really, really liked Y/N.

"NEVER! If you give birth to a child, I'll get killed!"

"Then we just never kiss! We can still be soulmates if we don't kiss, right?"

The fact that they didn't really know anything about love made them say weird things.

Maul wasn't too sure, but they made a promise that they would be soulmates in the future and marry. Although Y/N had to explain to Maul what marrying actually meant - obviously through a child’s eyes - since the customs on Dathomir were different to the ones on her home planet. 

He never told her that but when she had explained that marrying basically meant always eating together, sleeping in the same bed and holding hands, he had really liked the idea of such a future. Of course, the young girl only knew the things she had seen from the marriage of her parents.

The whole not kissing aspect was eventually broken, though. Obviously not by him, because he was shy and seriously believed that she would get pregnant if he gave her even just a peck on the lips. 

But he really liked her. And she really liked him. So much that she understood that her way of liking him was the same as the way some fallen nightsisters had liked their mates. It was love.

And then one day, when Maul came beaten and bruised from his training as a nightbrother and he laid next to her, Y/N leaned over him and gave him a kiss. 

It was short, nothing more than a light peck, but when their lips touched, butterflies burst in her chest and it was as if the whole world lit up.

Maul’s yellow eyes widened and the Zabrak pushed her away out of reflex. She looked at him with a shocked expression.

“NO! What are you doing?!”

Panic was laced in his voice and he grabbed her arms with a little too much strength. Y/N winced and her eyes began to water. The giddy feeling disappeared immediately. 

“Wha-What?”, she stammered and he shook her.

“I- I’m not ready! My traini- the baby- we have to leave!”

She just sat there, not understanding why he was so startled. She was more intrigued by the fact that his horns seemed to have grown a little. He suddenly grabbed her hand and dragged her on her feet. 

“Hu-hurry, Y/N! Before they find out! Let’s talk with my mother, she’ll help us!”

“Find out what?”

“About the baby!”

And then it blanked on her. 

“Oh no.”

And then they hurried back to his home, where Y/N, Maul, his two brothers and his mother resided. A long talk followed and the two children eventually went to bed with different thoughts. 

The young girl was somewhat disappointed that she couldn’t have another playmate besides Maul and his brothers but she was also relieved because she now knew that kissing Maul would not make her pregnant. That meant she could do it again. The thought made her grin.

Maul on the other hand was embarrassed, mainly because he had almost cried when they ran into his mother and he had yelled at her to “save Y/N and their baby” but also because he really liked the kiss. But he was also slightly annoyed. I wanted to kiss her first. 

“Maul?”

He turned his head to see the other side of the room, where Y/N laid in her small bed. He could see her glistening eyes.

“Ye-Yes?”

“I think I love you.”

A blush crept across his cheeks.

“Okay.”

He couldn’t say it out loud but he said it in his head. 

Unknown to both of them, Y/N’s words had been heard by his mother.

When they woke up again the next morning some things had changed. There was the giddy atmosphere between the two, while Maul’s mother looked at them with a rather dark expression. The two would soon find out why.

.

Their closeness was something the nightsisters didn't like because it spoke against their ideas of mates and they decided to separate them. Both cried and cried for days. 

Their bond was strong, after all, and they not only had they lived together for two years but they also played together every day. Since Y/N was taken from her family, Maul had become a replacement and they were close. Really close.  

But it was no use. They didn't see each other for a month. And when they finally met again, it was the last time in their childhood. 

A republic ship had landed on Dathomir. And they were looking for the girl that was supposed to become a Jedi youngling. The person Maul had seen leaving the space ship was the Jedi Master, who took Y/N from her family. The man had survived for two years alone in the swamps and somehow contacted the Jedi Order to save him and the girl. 

According to him, the nightsisters captured her and brainwashed her to join the dark side. Which was bullshit. She realized that later. The things she had learned on Dathomir had saved her life on more than one occasion.

But they arrived and forcefully took her back. 5 Jedi came to her apparent rescue, but the peacekeepers of the galaxy ignored her wails and cries when they dragged her to the ship. She screamed Maul's name and found his face in the crowd who was held back by some soldiers. Don't leave me! pleaded his eyes.

But she did. She had no choice. They didn't even ask if she wanted to go with them. When the ramp of the ship closed, she freed herself from the Jedi's grip and bit him. Hard. The man reacted poorly, unlike a Jedi was supposed to. 

He pushed her away, and she fell on the floor. Hateful tears streamed down her cheeks, and she channeled her powers to slam the 5 men against the wall. The force was strong in her, and her emotions boosted it, that's why she succeeded. Three of them got pressed to the wall, the other two who where Jedi masters only slid back a bit. Using the force was tiring, and she slumped. The padawans got released.

"Let me go! I want to go back! I want to go home! Maul! Maul!!"

Her voice was shrill and full of desperation, but they didn't react. Ignored her tantrum and whispered something between themselves. 

"Her emotions are way too strong! What is Master Yoda thinking? The dark side has already engulfed her!"

Only one of them didn't say anything. The Jedi watched her with a neutral expression, and she returned the eye contact with a piercing gaze. 

I hate you! 

As if he had read her thoughts, he snorted and turned to face the others. 

"I believe Master Yoda knows what to do with her."

And the Jedi grandmaster did.

He turned her into a Jedi. Made her a youngling, later a padawan - although not his - and then when the High Council thought she was ready, they knighted her.

Over the course of many years, the small girl learned about her special abilities, about the force, about the Jedi, the Dark Side of the force, the responsibility they had to shoulder, and why attachments were forbidden.

Although she had questioned the principles secretly, she never voiced any hesitation or critical questions. When she got separated from Maul she had racked her brains to find out why, although she only realized why when the nightsisters ordered her to read the stories about the Fallen sisters again. After that lesson, she knew well enough when something wasn’t supposed to be said. So she left her doubts unsaid.

When she had arrived at the temple she was unbelievably sad and her heart was hurting. When the Jedi took her from her family, she didn’t really realize what that meant. But being taken from Dathomir after she was a little older and formed such a close bond with Maul, she understood that they had parted and would probably never meet again. 

This left her devastated and it took half a year for her to adapt.

Her sadness and arrogant side vanished with time, but her determined character trait stayed and it made her into an extraordinary Jedi.

Y/N was powerful, the secret pride of the grandmaster. Her patience and knowledge were as vast and deep as the seas of Kamino. Her lightsaber skills were unmatched by many of her fellow padawans, and she could even stand her ground against some of the Jedi knights. 

Her Master, the guy who had ignored her tantrum, was impressed by her natural affinity for the force. And so he had asked Master Yoda if he could take her as his padawan. 

The grandmaster was hesitant at first. Because the man wasn't a Jedi Knight. He was a sentinel, a shadow, to be exact. A path that would undoubtedly be difficult for Y/N, especially since she was found on Dathomir. But he accepted, and she became the padawan of a renowned Jedi Shadow. Yoda was proud, but deep down, also worried. Although he didn't tell her that.

Every youngling had heard about Y/N. Before the rumors of a Chosen One started, there were many about a Prodigy. Her name was whispered during classes, and there were bets and dares in the circles of the younger generations. 

"I dare you to confess your love to Y/N L/N!"

"But I don't even like her! Attachment is forbidden, Mia!"

"It's just a game, and we all wanna see if her face will blush! Come on."

But there was one flaw about the prodigy. 

One thing that she could not erase. The padawan Y/N L/N ached for something. Someone. And her yearning - she wasn't the only one who knew it - would be her downfall. But she tried to hide it, built walls around that part of her heart and succeeded- until that one day.

-

[16:00, 32 BBY, Coruscant, Jedi Temple]

"...my only conclusion can be that it was a Sith Lord."

The air in the chamber changed immediately. Qui Gon Jinn, the Jedi reporting the things that happened on Tatooine, held his head up high, his expression was neutral, but the weight of his words was visible in his eyes.

Master Ki turned his head to face Master Yoda and said with a disbelieving undertone:

"Impossible! The Sith have been extinct for a millennium."

"I do not believe they could have returned without us knowing," added Master Windu, and Jinn's padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi furrowed his brows.

Yoda hummed in response, he sighed and then stated:

"Hard to see, the dark side is. Discover who this assassin is, we must."

The other council members nodded, their faces were grim.

"I sense he will reveal himself again," meant Master Ki.

Master Yaddle, who had listened to Jinn's report, silently began to speak up, and when she did, everyone turned. The Jedi all tensed when they heard her words:

"For that, a shadow we should send. Someone in mind, I have. Of help, Leon Ra'eli and his padawan Y/N L/N could be."

The people in the room all had different reactions to the names that were mentioned. Plo Koon and Qui Gon Jinn raised a brow, the padawan of the latter blinked surprised, and Ki-Adi-Mundi, Mace Windu, and Yoda showed a worried expression.

"We must discuss this with the Council of First Knowledge, Master Yaddle," remarked Saesee Tiin and shared a look with the Jedi grandmaster. Yoda nodded slightly.

"I believe Leon would certainly be of help."

Obi-Wan turned to his Master. His eyes clearly asking why the Jedi would speak this freely in front of the council just for another Jedi. He was aware that he was acquainted with the Jedi shadow but the padawan was confused anyway. 

Qui Gon hid his hands in his sleeves and bowed slightly when Master Windu frowned at him. Although he was looked at with intimidating stares, he didn't back down and continued: 

"I heard he has been training an extraordinary padawan. Both of them would be a great aid if another attack like the one on Tatooine would happen."

Obi-Wan smiled a little, when his Master talked about Y/N. He knew her from his youngling days. And according to the rumors going around, she had truly turned into an exceptional padawan, a proud feeling spread in his chest.

The dark-skinned Jedi Master huffed and then leaned back in his seat.

"This attack on Tatooine was with purpose, that is clear, and I agree the Queen is the target. If a Jedi Shadow and Qui Gon Jinn would remain at her side..."

Yoda nodded slowly.

"With this Naboo queen, you must stay, Qui-Gon. Protect her."

The Jedi bowed.

"Yes, Master."

-

And that was the beginning of Y/N's doom. That goddamn mission. Something entirely different for the Jedi Shadow in training. 

Until now, she had to research old Sith artifacts, go on missions to find lost holocrons, and look for secret Dark Side places with her Master. But that was it. Of course, there was always a certain degree of danger coming with those missions but it was nothing truly worrying, the Dark Side she encountered left her uninterested and funnily she wasn’t scared. 

She spent two years on Dathomir, a planet which - according to the Jedi archives - was a space for evil powers. The feeling from those places was familiar and to a certain degree even calming but she didn’t tell her master.

In other words, she never actually came in contact with a Dark Side user much less a Sith. But now she and Leon were assigned to investigate an assassin who could possibly be a Sith, a Sith lord, to be exact. 

The tightness in her chest was definitely from her nervousness, but there was also something else to it. She wasn’t scared, the feeling was more like curiosity but Y/N also had a bad premonition about the upcoming task. But she kept her concerns to herself. Like always.

.

It was night when they left the Jedi temple. Both wore long black robes, and their faces were hidden under their hoods. Master Ra'eli had told her that although they were escorting Queen Amidala, they would not focus on keeping her safe. Both the High Council and the Council of First Knowledge agreed on the priority to catch the potential Sith. Protecting the queen laid in the hands of the two other Jedi. 

When Y/N first heard that they would accompany to Jedi knights, Master Qui Gon Jinn and his padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, she was relieved. 

She and Obi-Wan were friends when she was a youngling. He was only one year older than her, and although they chose entirely different paths, they parted with good and happy memories. 

Obi-Wan had been a pillar in Y/N's life when she had to learn how to accept that she would probably never meet Maul and her parents again. He dried her tears, let her meditate with him and calmed her down when she had a nightmare. 

Although they hadn't seen each other in a few years, the padawan believed that they would click again, and everything would be like in their youngling years. 

But when she and her Master arrived at the Senate landing platform and everyone was already there, and Leon greeted his fellow Jedi, something happened.

As soon as Y/N laid eyes on Obi-Wan's Master, a sudden pain bolted through her head, and she staggered. 

Her hand shot to her forehead, and the padawan grabbed her Master's robe for support. He turned alarmed and watched her with concerned brown eyes when she winced in pain. 

A vision flashed before her eyes: black robes, a red and green lightsaber clashing, yellow eyes, and a screaming Obi-Wan. 

What...?

"Y/N?" 

Her Master's voice took her back to her senses. She looked up to see his and Master Jinn's worried faces. Obi-Wan looked just as disturbed as them. 

"I-I think I just had a vision," she whispered weakly and let go of Leon's sleeves. 

However, she hadn't regained her balance yet, her legs faltered, and if her Master hadn't grabbed her arm in time, she would have tumbled to the ground. 

"A vision?", asked Obi-Wan and the young man shared a look with Qui Gon. 

"What did you see, padawan?" he asked, and all three of the Jedi watched her expectantly. She gulped. The feeling in her chest from before became stronger. The eyes in her vision seemed faintly familiar. 

"I..." she began hesitantly, "There will be a fight. I think the assassin will show up again. And..." She turned to her Master, her expression grim, "I'm certain he's a Sith. I could feel the wrath and hatred Master. Stronger than in any artifact we ever found."

This revelation was shocking, but only the queen's followers all visibly paled. The three Jedi showed dark expressions. Her Master helped Y/N back on her feet, and she bit her lip. 

He looked at her, and she could read in his eyes that the situation was dire. 

Trust in your abilities and the force. 

Words from her training lessons with Leon resounded in her mind, and she straightened her back. Although she was intimidated now, she would not falter. A Jedi Shadow’s mission was to extinguish the evil that Sith brought into this world. She could not hesitate.

"We will make sure that that Sith will not harm anyone," declared her Master, and the queen nodded. His words seemed to calm her entourage, but Y/N smiled bitterly. If her vision would come true... 

No, let’s not worry.

They finally began to board the ship, she gave her Master a tap on the shoulder, and he slightly turned his head. She only formed one word with her lips, but he understood. She had more to tell, but only to him. 

-

While the two other Jedi discussed some political matter with the queen, Leon and Y/N stayed in a separate room to talk about her vision. 

“I sense you have something else to say.”

"Master... I worry that one of us will be hurt."

Her confession was difficult to admit for her, after all it was against the emotional walls she had built, but she had to tell him anyway. It concerned the well being of  a Jedi. 

She expected her Master to be shocked or at least concerned, but his expression remained neutral, as usual. This fact calmed her a little. In all those years she had known her Master, there was never a moment, where the other didn’t control his emotions.

"Did you see that in your vision?"

She nodded and wrung with her hands. Only in her Master's presence could she let her walls down to a certain degree. The force in the room swirled from her uneasiness.

"I think Master Jinn will get injured..."

Leon breathed in slowly and sat down on one of the cots. His face stayed emotionless, but his eyes betrayed him. For a second deep worry glistened in them, and the way he bit his lip also showed how her words got to him. But it was gone when she blinked. She frowned.

Did I imagine that?

"We must trust in the force."

Y/N expected him to add more, but he stayed silent, looking like he was deep in thought. The force in the room rippled, and she knew that he would meditate for the next few hours.

"You can rest if you want to, Y/N," murmured her Master and slipped to the floor, where he sat cross-legged. She shook her head and sat down too. "Let me join you, Master." He looked at her and smiled slightly. 

"Okay."

They both began to meditate, and soon the force around them changed again. The change spread through the whole ship, and the two other Jedi got distracted from their discussions. 

Obi-Wan and Qui Gon exchanged a glance, and both thought the same. The Jedi Master voiced their thoughts: "Don't worry, your Majesty. You are in good hands, and with Master Ra'eli and his padawan here, the Sith will not have a chance."

But he was wrong. Horribly wrong.

-

And then they met. 

It was as if the earth stopped spinning. 

The corner of her lips lifted, her face displayed many emotions. Worry turned into shock, shock turned into surprise, and surprise turned into joy. Her heart began to beat faster and it was so loud and strong that she believed that it could shake the whole planet.

He had grown up. Some more tattoos got added in his face and he now resembled the look of other nightbrothers who lived on Dathomir, it gave him a domineering appearance and her heart skipped a beat. It was familiar but at the same time, it wasn’t.

His eyes had also changed, the color was slightly different. The beautiful yellow that had reminded Y/N of the sun now held traces of red, and they were burning with a fire that she couldn’t quite place. 

But the force seemed to cry out in pain and the luring darkness in his force presence alarmed her. Something was wrong.

Although she recognized him immediately, this was not the boy she had met on Dathomir, this wasn't the friend she had longed for, not the kid she had dreamt about, not the boy who promised to marry her and whom she kissed. This person before her was a Sith, her enemy. 

And it broke her heart. 

While the queen's guards scattered and left, her grip around her lightsaber faded, and a second later, she dropped it. The impact resounded loudly in her head as if a bomb had detonated. She couldn’t hear anything else. Not the leaving footsteps of the security forces, not her Master calling out her name, nor how the queen asked Qui Gon Jinn how to proceed. 

His name rushed over her lips, and he frowned and looked at her. 

Then his eyes widened, and the tattoos in his face twisted in realization. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. 

His focus moved, and she noticed how her Master had activated his lightsaber beside her.

"You know him, padawan?" asked Master Ra'eli calmly, and she could only nod. 

Maul stiffened from their interaction and grabbed his lightsaber. Her Master stepped forward, and suddenly her lightsaber was once again in her hand. She gripped it so hard, her knuckles turned white.

"So, this is him? From 16 years ago? Oh, Y/N."

Leon's words hit her right in the gut. She had confessed how dearly she missed Maul when she became his padawan - although leaving out the part about their promise and kiss - and her Master had reacted as any other Jedi would have. 

Attachments are forbidden, padawan. You will forget these feelings soon. 

When she first had heard those words, she felt crushed. 

Was her connection to Maul really something bad? Somehow she couldn't believe that emotions were able to come without attachments. Weren't Jedi supposed to keep the people of the galaxy safe? Wouldn't her bond with Maul motivate her to make sure he's alright? 

And it wasn't like she obsessively loved him, like all those fallen Jedi she had to read about in the archives after she told her Master about her feelings. The Zabrak was her best friend. Nothing more. Or nothing more came out of their friendship. Or that's at least what she had told herself, completely disregarding that they had kissed and she was the one who initiated it. She was in denial.

But now that they finally met again, it turned out that he was the Sith Lord, and her heart was literally being torn apart. In the end, there was no mistake, Y/N did love Maul. But not this version of him in front of her. 

The padawan felt torn. The Zabrak before her eyes was her old best friend and they had sworn to be there for each other until the day they died. They had promised to marry. They kissed. She told him she loved him. But on the other hand, he appeared to be the enemy of the principles she had been taught for years. Two years against sixteen. The winner was obvious.

"You... I remember you."

The Zabrak clenched his fists tighter around his lightsaber and activated it. The red blades flared, and they seemed to represent the force around them, which was churning from the Sith's anger.

The padawan didn't know if he was addressing her because he didn't waste another second to look at her. But that was fine because she was sure that another eye contact with him would break down the walls she had built for the last decade. Also, she wasn’t sure if she would do something against the Jedi code if he addressed her directly. 

Qui Gon and Obi-Wan seemed to have realized that something was going on between Y/N and the Sith because they sent the queen with the security forces and stayed, ready to assist Leon and his padawan. 

It was against their plan but the man before them apparently was dangerous enough for them to change it.

Obi-Wan stepped up to her, his lightsaber activated and he held it up defensively. His hand touched her back, and he whispered:

"Y/N? Get a hold of yourself."

Her head snapped in his direction, and he gave her a reassuring smile, although he appeared nervous.

"Jedi!", snarled Maul and his eyes burned with rage when he dropped his robe and then suddenly leaped forward to attack. 

Y/N's heart skipped a beat and she flinched. She couldn't tell if it was because he seemed to run towards her or because his overbearing aura intimidated her, but it didn't matter because the Zabrak couldn’t reach her. 

Her Master stepped before her, and his yellow dual lightsaber skillfully parried Maul's attack. 

"You are outnumbered, Sith."

Qui Gon didn't waste a second and also jumped into the fight, their lightsabers clashed, and sparks flew. Obi-Wan gave her a glance and then joined in. The strange look he gave her took Y/N back to her senses, and she activated her own lightsaber. 

It was also dual-bladed and yellow, although her hilt was from Orichalc material and wrapped with leather for a better grip. The yellow glow calmed her down to a certain degree, and the familiarity of the blade in her hand cleared her head temporarily. 

I need to talk with him! There must be a misunderstanding!

Her eyes focused on the Sith and the three other Jedi who had already gained a certain distance from her. She ran after them and noticed that they passed into the Theed power generator facility. 

"Master, wait!"

The fighting Jedi ignored her shout and performed a series of fierce attacks, which all got fended off by Maul. Qui Gon aimed for the Sith's legs, but the Zabrak avoided his lightsaber and somersaulted backward on the bridge. 

Y/N's heart pounded loudly in her ears, worry filled her chest, worry for her fellow Jedi and also Maul. In the end, she couldn't ignore her heart. 

She used the force to jump forward a considerable distance and now stood next to Obi-Wan. She felt light-headed, partly because of the adrenaline rush from the whole situation but also because she was slightly scared of heights.

"I know him, Master Jinn, stop attacking!" she turned her head to the Sith, calling out his name: "let's talk, please! Do you not remember m-" 

Before she could finish, the Zabrak pushed his hands forward, and she was sent flying by the force. Everything she had been taught, all the techniques and rules for a fight. It was as if she had forgotten them when her eyes laid on Maul. The prodigy acted like a youngling and she had to pay the price for it.

Her back hit the wall of the room, and something broke. Black dots flooded her vision, and pain burst through her whole body.

She couldn't hear clearly because her head was ringing, but she believed that someone had shouted her name. Although she couldn't be sure because before she could open her eyes again, she temporarily fell unconscious.

.

It felt like a long time but was indeed only a minute later, that she woke up. Her thought process was slow when she stirred.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts!!

A groan escaped her lips, and something warm dampened the back of her head. 

Is this how you feel in the Trial of the Flesh? If so, then I don't want to become a full Jedi... I can't believe he attacked me, Maker...

Her thoughts were all over the place, dizziness caused her vision to blur, and her mind wandered from the pain to the Jedi Trials, the archives, her time on Dathomir, and to Maul. Her injuries hurt like hell but she was almost crying from the pain in her heart.

What happened to him? How could he... Has he really fallen to the Dark Side? 

She tried to move upright and used the force to calm her fluttering nerves. 

Focus. 

Focus!

The blurriness of her vision vanished, and she finally saw clearly again, right on time for her to catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan running past some laser doors at the other end of the gigantic room.

I must stop them!

Her legs felt like jelly when she tried to stand up, and although her balance was undoubtedly off, she was still able to stand. Not without feeling immense pain, though. Y/N was sure that she had at least three broken ribs. 

Let go of the pain. 

She remembered her training and breathed in and out slowly. She closed her eyes for a second to concentrate on the force, and she was able to feel the fierce battle that took place at the other end of the bridge. Anxiety welled up again but she ignored it with gritted teeth.

The padawan began to move forward, slowly at first, then she picked up the pace and limped over the bridge towards the laser doors, ignoring the fact that she had lost her lightsaber somewhere.

When she crossed the bridge her legs almost gave out. She had tried not to look down, her fear of heights couldn’t stop her in this crucial moment, but now she felt the adrenaline rush and it almost made her fall over.

It was then when she reached the first laser door when she felt the cry in the force. 

A life got critically injured. And guessing from Obi-Wan's scream, it was his Master's. 

Y/N stumbled. The pain in the force was breathtaking. Emotions that didn't belong to her filled her chest and grief caused her eyes to prick. 

What shocked her, even more, was that her Master seemed to hurt as much as Qui Gon's padawan. The Jedi Shadow had shouted the other man's name when he got impaled, and now through the flaring red doors, she could see Leon swinging his sword wildly to attack Maul and the Zabrak defending himself. 

Why...?

The force presence of her Master seemed off, and his erratic movements void from any specific form proved that he lost himself to his emotions. 

The fact that the usually composed Leon Ra'eli now fought like that caused her fists to clench. 

Why is he acting like that?! This contradicts everything he ever taught me!

This scared her more than the potential death of Qui Gon Jinn.

Obi-Wan seemed to burn with rage too. His shoulders lifted with every breath he took, and she could sense his anger mixed with grief and anguish. 

Y/N heaved with all the sudden emotions she had to experience. Her guts twisted when she sensed pleasure, and it took her a second to realize that Maul was the one who was very pleased about the injury of the Jedi Master.

This was the ultimate proof that the Zabrak who fought against Leon wasn't the midget from Dathomir. But before she could spill even one tear over that fact, the laser doors got deactivated, and Obi-Wan jumped forward to attack the Sith. 

She began to run, but she wasn't fast enough, her wounds slowed her down. The pain was almost unbearable and the whole situation seemed to test her entire being. The doors activated before her nose, and she staggered.

Right, when she caught her balance again, Obi-Wan slashed Maul's lightsaber in two, and her Master pushed the Sith towards the edge with the force. 

The Zabrak was able to catch himself in time and jumped forward, his lightsaber only one blade now. He snarled and swung his weapon at the two Jedi, but they seemed to finally have the high ground and attacked him mercilessly. 

Y/N watched with sweaty hands how the Zabrak got pushed into defense, and although she should root for her fellow Jedi, although it was obvious that he wanted to kill them all, although he clearly engulfed the Dark Side, she couldn't stop herself from worrying for Maul. 

Please stop fighting! Just stop!

She feared for all of them, which didn't make sense for her head, but her heart ignored all her rational thoughts. It almost leaped out of her chest when Obi-Wan got force pushed into the melting pit, but from the way the other two men acted, he was still alive. Immense relief washed over her and her knees buckled.

Y/N felt dizzy from all the feelings she had to deal with, and the fact that she hit her head and even bled to some extent gave her body one more reason why to falter. She had to hold her head because it felt like a bullet was shot through it. 

The pain distracted her from the fight, and when she looked up again, her and Maul's eyes suddenly met.

He looked at her, over Obi-Wan's shoulder, who had suddenly appeared, his face full of shock and... regret?

It took her a second to notice the lack of fighting between the two men. They just stood there, Obi-Wan held the lightsaber of his Master in his hand and his pose looked like he had just taken a large swing.

Was it over? Did they finally calm down and listen?

Y/N opened her mouth to say something when time seemed to slow down, Maul’s lightsaber deactivated, and he slowly fell backward.

His and her eyes found themselves again, and while hers widened in panic, his slightly closed as if the Zabrak was smiling at her. His lips formed something but she was too panicked to focus on it.

Before a scream could erupt from her throat, he was gone. 

He was gone.

The laser doors opened again. Obi-Wan didn't waste a second glance and rushed to his Master's side, where her own Master already knelt. He laid Qui Gon's head in his lap. 

"Master! Master!"

The pain in Obi-Wan's voice reflected the one the female padawan was feeling. Some words were whispered between the dying Jedi and his student, but Y/N didn't hear any of it. 

No, no. No, NO!

She slowly stood up, her legs shaking, and she made her way into the room. Her eyes solely focused on the cooling pit. A wail escaped her lips, and she tried to form his name, although she failed. She couldn’t form a single word. She couldn’t bring herself to look over the edge. Her breath quickened and she panted as if she just ran for her life.

Hey. 

Y/N.

You changed. Not so small anymore, huh?

Things happened after you left. And you have no right to say anything, you would barely reach my chin with your height.

A small smile formed on her lips. Her eyes were strangely empty.

Why did you become...?

A Sith? I'm not. This is all a misunderstanding.

Right? I knew it. You would never turn to the Dark Side. You would never.

The padawan sank to her knees at the edge, eyes still trained on the hole before her. Her hands were violently shaking and she gripped her robes with such a force that her knuckles turned white.

...?

Hmmm?

Where did you go?

What do you mean? I'm right here with you.

Of course. There's no way you're...

Y/N turned her head slightly, and a grey object on the ground near the wall caught her eye. With a flick of her wrist, she absently minded caught the severed lightsaber half and traced it with trembling fingers.

There's no way you're dead.

There were a thousand thoughts in her mind right now, but the one that stood out the most was the fact that Obi-Wan had cut Maul in half.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, her friend from the Jedi had killed her best friend from Dathomir.

"Let me carry him, Obi-Wan."

The weak voice of her Master invaded her thoughts, and she slowly turned to the two other Jedi and the corpse. 

We Jedi do not kill, Y/N. Only if it’s absolutely necessary. Preserving a life is more important, even if they are tainted by the Dark Side. Sith can be saved too. Darth Revan is proof of that. Never forget this.

Liar.

In the end, 2 years appeared to be stronger than 16.

The killer held his Master's dead body, and the shaking of his shoulders gave his sadness away. She felt nothing for him, neither pity, nor worry. She was completely numb.

There is no death, there is the force, do you not know your own code?

"We must report back to the temple," was all she said. Her voice was unnaturally cold.

Her Master looked at her, his expression was heartbroken, and she had to turn her gaze away. Or else he would have seen her hateful stare.

For the first time in her life, Y/N truly despised the Jedi and their hypocrisy.

[ma-sulevin]

otp questions

Tagged by @chyrstis​! Doing Sharky and Mattie for this one...

(art by @ziorre​)

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Neither one of them really yells at the other one. Sharky’s voice is naturally louder, but Mattie’s more likely to speak sharply.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither of them. Mattie wouldn’t threaten that because it’s mean, and it would really hurt Sharky’s feelings, and threatening that would never cross Sharky’s mind.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Neither.

Who trashes the house? Sharky’s naturally messier. If Mattie was away for a while, he’d forget to clean up after himself the whole time and spend HOURS before she showed back up trying to make sure everything’s perfect again.

Do either of them get physical? Never ever. Sharky would rather die than hit his partner, and Mattie would leave the second that ever happened.

How often do they argue/disagree? Not super often? They have minor disagreements occasionally, mostly about how to handle life in the post-apocalyptic world.

Who is the first to apologize? Sharky. Usually, he’s just sad about it and wants them to be done arguing, and whatever they were disagreeing about isn’t important enough for them to keep going with it. 

SEX

Who is on top? Sharky’s the penetrating partner, but Mattie’s more dominant.

Who is on the bottom? See above!

Who has the strangest desires? We all know who has the weird desires in a Sharky ship.

Any kinks? Not in particular? Sharky’s up for almost anything, but he’s not going to bring it up if he thinks Mattie won’t like it. Mmm, I forgot some stuff I decided Sharky likes, but it’s gross and I’m not talking about it.

Who’s dominant in bed? Mattie for sure.

Is head ever in the equation? Like, all the time.

If so, who is better at performing it? It’s not that Mattie’s bad, it’s just that Sharky’s really, really good.

Ever had sex in public? Not where people could catch them, but they’ve definitely had sex outside. Like, a lot. Especially once they’re living their best post-bunker lives.

Who moans the most? They’re both loud and gross.

Who leaves the most marks? Sharky for sure. He likes to see the evidence that they’ve been together, and he likes that she’s proud to show them off a little.

Who is the more experienced of the two? Sharky’s had more partners, but Mattie’s probably had more sex.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ���make love’? Make love, mostly

Rough or soft? Usually soft, but not always. Sometimes you just gotta fuck.

How long do they usually last? I'm not really sure how to answer this? As long as it takes, I guess. Sometimes they like to tease.

Is protection used? Mattie’s not on any hormonal birth control. They use condoms until the condoms run out, and then they just try to make sure Sharky pulls out. Uh, they have a whole baby when they make it back out into the real world.

Does it ever get boring? Never.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? Things don’t really get weirder than in the bunker with Sharky’s whole family.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? They both wanted kids eventually, but they didn’t want them as soon as they had one. Harrison was definitely an accident, and Mattie doesn’t exactly love being pregnant. Sharky likes it more than she does, honestly.

If so, how many children do they want/have? They end up with four. Harrison who was the accident, then they on purpose have Ian, Ripley, and Max all about four or so years apart.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? Both of them! They are so gross about it. Disgusting.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? They’re both always down to clown.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Mattie, but Sharky’s not exactly upset about it.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Sharky sometimes gets too hot, but he doesn’t want to tell her to go away. They both soak it right up.

Who gives the most kisses? Mattie loves those smooches.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? They like cuddling and just hanging out together. They’d watch movies if they still had access to all of that.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? The couch or their bed.

How often do they get time to themselves? Less often the older they get. They almost always have little kids around, and then the Highwaymen come to the county and it’s a whole damn thing.

SLEEPING

Who snores? Sharky. Mattie does only when she’s pregnant.

If both do, who snores the loudest? Mattie.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They share. They’re all over each other.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? They cozy right the fuck up, especially in winter.

What do they wear to bed? Ideally, nothing, but usually shorts and t-shirts because of kids and roommates (Hurk).

Are either of them insomniacs? Sharky is. He has a hard time shutting his brain off enough to fall asleep, and once he wakes up in the middle of the night, he has a hard time relaxing again.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nah.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Oh wrapped up for sure.

Who wakes up with bed hair? They both do, but Mattie has more hair so sometimes it’s crazier.

Who wakes up first? If Sharky is still asleep when the sun comes up, then Mattie gets up first. If Sharky’s going to be awake early, it’s because he woke up randomly at four am and decided to start his day.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Mattie’s not bringing him breakfast, but he’ll do it for her sometimes.

What is their favourite sleeping position? Spooning! Or Sharky on his back and Mattie on top of him like a starfish.

Do they set an alarm each night? Mattie would, but they don’t need to.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? Sharky would LOVE to have a TV on 24/7.

Who has nightmares? They both do, especially after everything they’ve been through with the cult situation.

Who has ridiculous dreams? Sharky, definitely.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Sharky’s just a bigger person, but Mattie doesn’t care because she wants to touch as much of him as possible anyway.

Who makes the bed? Who has time for that, really?

What time is bed time? Whenever they get sleepy!

Any routines/rituals before bed? They read to the kids (or tell made-up stories) and then get some good snuggle time in.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Sharky is, if he didn’t wake up naturally.

WORK

Who is the busiest? Mattie

Who rakes in the highest income? It’s hard to say under this situation

Are any of them unemployed? Technically they both are. It’s the apocalypse!

Who takes the most sick days? Mattie gets sick slightly more often, but they can’t really take sick days

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Sharky's way worse at keeping time

Who sucks up to their boss? Sharky would be, but it’s totally unintentional

What are their jobs? They’re just like. Survivors.

Who stresses the most? It depends on the situation, really? They stress about different things.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Mattie misses some of the comforts of pre-war, but Sharky loves how things are now. It’s the ideal situation for him.

Are they financially stable? They don’t go hungry, so yes.

HOME

Who does the washing? Mattie has more patience for doing a good job.

Who takes out the trash? They both do. They have to be careful about it because of the wild animal situation.

Who does the ironing? Who has time to iron?

Who does the cooking? Mattie is better at cooking, but they take turns with it.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Sharky, obviously 

Who is messier? Sharky

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Sharky but totally unintentionally

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Sharky, but again, unintentionally

Who forgets to flush the toilet? I’m not sure there are working toilets in the post-apocalyptic world, so...

Who is the prankster around the house? Sharky would be

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Sharky loses them all the time. He just puts them down and forgets where.

Who mows the lawn? There’s not a lot of need for lawn care. 

Who answers the telephone? Mattie would

Who does the vacuuming? They’ll both sweep the house when it needs to be swept

Who does the groceries? Sharky will go out on supply runs more often than Mattie, but it’s because they want her to stay with the kids.

Who takes the longest to shower? It depends on whether or not Sharky wants to jerk off.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? Nah

How many cars do they own? They always have at least one working vehicle, and usually others they can break apart for scrap

Do they own their home or do they rent? Well, they say possession is 9/10ths of the law, so...

Do they live in the city or in the country? Country. 

Do they enjoy their surroundings? Honestly? They really do.

What’s their song? Burn Like A Star Fire by Sleeping Wolf

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Basically whatever they have to do before they can get back together. Just what needs to be done -- taking care of the kids, supply runs, etc.

Where did they first meet? Same way it happens in-game. She finds him in the Moonflower and he falls in love immediately.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Sharky's more impulsive about it, but there’s not a lot of actual purchasing happening? It’s more like grabbing whatever he thinks they need or would be fun.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Sharky for sure.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over themselves? As long a there isn’t an actual injury, they both think it’s pretty funny.

Any mental issues? Mattie’s absurdly resilient mentally. She has nightmares from the cult situation, but only when she’s already otherwise stressed, and she has some minor PPD after the babies, but overall she’s really mentally healthy. Sharky has some ADHD issues, but nothing that’s holding him back now.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Mattie, but moreso because she doesn’t want anyone catching any weird germs from them.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Whoever sees it first.

Their favourite place? At home together.

Who pays the bills? No bills after the end of the world, but they work together to provide for their family.

Do they have any fears for their future? The future is incredibly uncertain. They’re always worried about illness or injury that wouldn’t have been serious before but is now, and that only heightens when the Highwaymen come around.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Mattie, just because she’s better at planning ahead for it.

Who’s the tallest? Sharky.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? They’ll both do this, but I’m going to say Mattie probably does it more regularly.

Who wanders around in their underwear? Sharky more than Mattie.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Sharky does everything louder lol

What do they tease each other about? Everything, honestly. It’s a fun relationship

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Mattie 100%. She loves Sharky, but... let’s be honest. The New Dawn look? Not great.

Who crushed first? Sharky fell had and fell fast, but Mattie wasn’t all that long behind him

Any alcohol or substance related problems? Sharky probably drinks a little more heavily than is healthy, but it’s not an abuse problem

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Uh, well, Sharky.

Who swears the most? They both swear a lot. They try to clean up for the kids, but... it’s hard.

[shannen-writes]

Underrated ships - #3 Boone Carlyle and Shannon Rutherford (LOST)

This is the third post in my underrated ships meta series. All posts in the series are tagged as #underrated ships. This time around I’ll be analysing Boone and Shannon from LOST.

There are some ships in this series that definitley will have other shippers out there, although they’re a small group and there are some, like Boone and Shannon, that probably have none. In my time on this site, I’ve never seen or heard of LOST fans shipping Boone and Shannon, but I’m sure you guys are out there. If you are, this is for you! 

Boone and Shannon are a fascinating pair and despite the fact they both died prematurely and their relationship didn’t recieve too much focus in seasons 1 and 2, I really like the nuances of their relationship. We’re introduced to them as being brother and sister, yet Boone was clearly infatuated with Shannon. When we found out that they were in fact step-siblings and their parents married when they were young children Boone’s feelings made more sense, but there was still an element of taboo-ness (for lack of a better word) to their relationship because of their familial connection. This element of their relationship was one part that made it interesting to me, because I think it’s important to write and portray these sorts of relationships. Regardless of personal beliefs, thoughts or opinions on the topic, there are people in the world who fall in love with and even engage in romantic relationships with their step-siblings and Boone and Shannon are one of the only ships I’ve seen on TV that explore this. In addition, this ship explores unrequited love and the burden and heartbreak of that, the animosity and struggles people can face in their relationships when one of the parties develops romantic feelings for the other and the importance of honest and open communication. There’s a lot to un-pack with Shannon and Boone that may not be obvious on the surface, but there’s a lot of depth and complexity to them and it could have been taken even further if they hadn’t of died so soon.  So lets get into the nitty gritty, and start unpicking this relationship.

We learned from flashbacks and Boone and Shannon talking about their childhood and past, that they didn’t have the most supportive or loving parents. Boone’s mother was incredibly cold and emotionally unavailble. She was jealous of Shannon’s relationship with her father so purposefully isolated her from her father and made her feel like an outsider. For Shannon, this was obviously incredibly hard since she had such a close and loving relationship with her father and Boone was the one that was always there for her. Unlike his mother, Boone didn’t push Shannon out or make her feel like an outsider, he was always there for her. 

When Shannon’s father died, she was heartbroken and the way her step-mother treated her following his death only added to her grief. Yet Boone turned up at the funeral and it was clear that he was there to support Shannon rather than his own mother.

And Shannon’s relief at seeing him made it clear that he was her only real source of support. Without her father, Shannon had no one and her step-mother didn’t have any love for her. In fact, she wanted to do whatever she could to remove Shannon from her life and cut her off from having access to any of her father’s inheritance. 

Although we have few flashbacks of Shannon and Boone, the ones we do have reinforce the theme of Boone being Shannon’s constant source of support and of always running to her side whenever she needed him. He flew half way around the world at the drop of a hat to run to her rescue when she was in Australia. He even offered Shannon’s abusive boyfriend thousands of pounds for him to leave Shannon alone. There were no limits to what he was willing to do for her. 

After that, Shannon turned up at Boone’s hotel and it’s the first and only time we saw a romantic scene between them.

This scene is one of my favourites because Ian and Maggie played the tension and angst between Boone and Shannon so perfectly. You can see the connection between them and the impact of Shannon finally saying aloud their secret truth; the thing both of them have always known but never spoken about, that Boone was in fact in love with her. You can physically see how Boone’s inner turmoil and the tortue of trying to resist Shannon’s advances because she’s his step-sister fighting against how much he loves and wants her. 

And whilst Shannon is saying these things and making a move on him, he actively tries to talk himself out of it and tell her she’s delusional because he’s so desperate to deny the truth, even though he already knows that he’s going to give into it.

But this wasn’t just something that happened on a whim, it was something that had been building and brewing between them for years and you feel that when you watch the scene. Boone had been in love with Shannon for years and that’s why, no matter where he was or who he was with, whenever Shannon called him he came running. Shannon was pretty much Boone’s entire world, his life revolved around her. 

The episode Hearts and Minds (1x13) really shows how much Boone loves Shannon. Not just because of the flashbacks (above) that we see, but because of what happens on the island where Boone halluicnates (courtsey of John forcing drugs on him) that Shannon is in danger and dies in his arms.

By this point, it was already clear from Boone’s behaviours and actions that he loved Shannon, but this episode dug even deeper and showed how much pain that love caused him. He knew Shannon would never truly love him in the same way and that because she was his step-sister, his feelings for her were borderline wrong, and that ate away at him. Particularly since Shannon was developing a romantic relationship with Sayid, he was struggling to manage his jealousy and hurt over that. It’s not necessarily framed in a sympathetic light, but on reflection, I can’t help but feel sorry for Boone in this situation. He was introduced to beautiful girl when they were children, and was told she was going to be his new step-sister, he probably developed a crush on her immediately, as he grew up he came to be more and more infatuated until he fell in love with her, then he had to battle against those feelings and deal with the guilt, disgust and immorality of feeling that way towards his step-sister. On top of that, he had to deal with the fact that Shannon would never look at him in the same way and he was doomed to spend his life rescusing her from a string of abusive or toxic men, only to be tossed aside by her when she found someone or something else more interesting. It’s really not difficult to see why Boone was always so twisted up about Shannon. 

With all of the emphasis being on Boone thus far, it would be easy to pass Boone and Shannon’s relationship off as being one-sided, but it certainly wasn’t. Boone definitley had more intense feelings for Shannon than she did for him and they were more romantic in nature, but Shannon loved Boone deeply. A lot of the time on the island, this wasn’t that obvious because there was a lot of animosity, bickering and sniping between them. 

Despite this, Shannon relied on and loved Boone and there were moments where that shone through. 

What we saw in flashbacks of Boone being Shannon’s strength was still the case on the island. Their bickering was a result of the tension that was between them because of the complicated nature of their feelings for one another. Shannon was mean to Boone to push him away and Boone was mean to Shannon to deny his feelings for her. Underneath all of that, they needed and loved each other. Neither of them really had anyone else but each other and from what we learn of them from their flashbacks, that had always been the case. 

I really think that Boone’s death acted as a wake up call for Shannon. It made he realise that that Boone wasn’t as inevitiable as she had thought he was; that he wasn’t always going to be there for her. I think losing him made her regret the way she treated him and how she pushed him away because he was in love with her, and that his death put everything into perspective. 

Shannon spiralled into grief after finding out Boone was dead, even going as far as to want to get revenge on John because she believed he was responsible for Boone’s death. 

And Shannon’s grief wasn’t temporary, it was ongoing. Boone’s loss stayed with her and impacted her right up to her own death.

I’ve always been sad and disappointed that Boone and Shannon’s arcs and their relationship was cut short and never fully resolved. Boone died never fully realising how much Shannon loved and appreciated him. Shannon was full of regret after Boone’s death that she never had an honest conversation with him about everything that happened between them. Although I don’t necessarily think Shannon’s feelings for Boone were the same as his were for her, I think she lived in regret about how she handled it and the way she played with Boone’s feelings, because the the truth was that she truly loved and cared for him.

All of this is why I was so underwhlemed in the final season when Shannon reunited with Sayid in the flashsideways. It felt like a disservice to Boone and Shannon because it wasn’t true to either character or their relationship. Putting aside the romantic aspect of their relationship, Boone and Shannon belonged together. They had been together since they were children; they had been each other’s family; Boone had been there for Shannon through everything, he understood her, saw the good in her where everyone else belitted and criticised her; Shannon knew the struggles Boone faced with his mother and likewise he understood his mother’s cruelty towards Shannon. They knew each other better than anybody and were each other’s strength and support. Boone’s last thought before he died was Shannon and the final word on his lips before his last breath was Shannon’s name. After Boone’s death, Shannon wasn’t the same person. His loss affected her so deeply and changed her perception of everything. Admittedly, the timing of her death occurred for many reasons, but I strongly believe that losing Boone coincided with Shannon’s premature death, because they were so deeply connected. This connection that they shared and the nuances of their relationship are the reason I’ll always love Shannon and Boone.

*Most of the gifs used are not mine*

[azriel-is-my-cinnamon-roll]

43.“She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.” and 58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.” For Elriel, ft. Mor (lol) Love your writing, btw!! Keep it up!!

Thank you so much, you guys don’t know what your comments mean to me.

43. “She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.”58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.” Here we go, hope you enjoy.  

Her hands were halfway in the soil, just as usual. Elain was never afraid to get her hands dirty, and it fascinated Azriel because he knew that even if she would be covered in dirt from head to toe, she would still be the loveliest thing he’d ever seen.

Elain shrugged looking down at the plants as if something went wrong-  Azriel had no idea, none when it came to flowers, but he could read her, at least he thought he could.

Only the cauldron knows how much time Azriel spend looking at her, trying to read her emotions. Right now he was supposed to be reading his reports, and he did, at least that’s what she thought. But he couldn’t read those boring papers when she was in front of him. Lately, he was always late to present his work to Rhys, and the highlord surely noticed, but for his sake said nothing.

Elain was wearing a pale yellow gown. Her hair was down, in lazy waves around her shoulders, and his hands itched to touch it.

They were best friends for so long. Friends that would comfort each other after their past nightmares. Azriel could only imagine how disgusted she would be to find out about his feeling towards her, feelings that were nothing on a friendly side. He knew he was in love with her for a long time. Five years ago was the first time he realized that he loved her, and those feelings were growing stronger with each day.

He wanted to go to her, tug her by her waist to his chest, to hold her close and never let go. As if reading his mind she looked at him and smiled, it lasted only a second, but his heart skipped a few beats.

Just like nothing happened she went back to work. The way her hands moved, everything about her was so delicate, so, so precious.

The tap on his back snapped him out of the trance that he called Elain, and he nearly jumped.

Mor was standing by his side “She’s beautiful isn’t she?” Azriel blushed, clearly caught off guard.

“I guess,” he murmured. Mor’s eyes landed on him, a knowing smile danced on her lips. “You should tell her you to know? Before it’s too late.”

Azriel shoulders straightened. “Tell her what?” Mor rolled her eyes. “As a spymaster, you aren’t exactly hiding your feelings well, you changed.”

“And what if I tell her and ruin our friendship? She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.”

Mor took a seat now, “It’s clear your feelings for her has. Azriel you deserve to be happy. Let yourself be happy.” Azriel closed his eyes down. “I don’t think that she is interested in me in that way.”

“Again, what happened to your spymaster skills? She is obviously interested, you two danced around each other for years, and it’s painful to watch. Besides my gift is true” She nudged him with an elbow, “There’s so much truth in her eyes when she looks at you Az. It isn’t a question if she loves you; it’s the question if you can love yourself enough to see it, and let yourself be happy.”

Azriel looked at Elain who turned to him and smiled, the smile suddenly becoming sad when she saw Mor. She turned back to her flowers. “And if I do let myself be happy, and if I disappoint her-” Mor interrupted him “You won’t disappoint her. It is simply not in you to disappoint the people you love.”

Mor stood up, “Do something about it. I have a meeting in a court of nightmares in ten minutes.” and with that, she strolled off without him even getting to wish good luck.

Azriel stood up, and his feet started to move of their own accords. He was standing and shielding Elain from the sun; his shadow fell on her; she looked up and beamed. Such a bright smile that he felt if someone has punched him in the gut.

“Are you done with your reports?” she asked a hope in her voice.

Azriel shrugged. Right, that was what he was working on the whole morning. “Not exactly.” her smile faded a bit.“Oh,” she looked down.

“But I will always make time for you.” She looked up the smile back on her face, and Azriel got the feeling that he would do just about anything for it to never disappear again.

Elain shoved Azriel what to do, and they worked in silence at first until Elain broke it. “I have to ask you something.”

Azriel let go of the red flower plant he was holding and looked to Elain. “I mean we’re best friends right, so I can ask you anything?” Azriel nodded, “Anything, Elain.”

She took a deep breath, whatever she was going to ask, she was afraid of his reaction, “Are you still- you know, are you still in love with Mor?” Her voice was weak. That was what he least expected to be asked.

“You know I don’t. Yes, I loved her for a long time, but not anymore, especially when she has a wife now.” Elain didn’t show any emotions.

“And if she wouldn’t have a wife, would you love her still?” Azriel shook his head, how can he explain that a place in his heart was taken by her. Therefore he will never love Mor or any other female again.

“No, I don’t have any feelings left for Mor; I love her as a family that’s all.” Elain nodded her head.

“Why are you asking that?”

Elain looked uncomfortable for a moment, “It doesn’t matter.” Azriel shook his head. “It does, why did you ask Elain.”

She stood up in one fast-moving, and Azriel followed, “Because you told me that I can ask you anything.”

Azriel looked down a disappointment coating his features. “And-” Elain continued and took a shuddering breath, he looked up at her again, only to find her blushing and looking everywhere but his eyes. “And?” he asked, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea of fear and hope.

“And, because it would be very unfortunate for me if you’d still love her .” Azriel took a tiny step forward, was this going where he thought it was going?

“And why is that?” he asked in a low voice, so afraid to be misreading her words. “Because I love you, I have for a long time.”

Azriel dreamed of hearing those words for so long. He should confess his own feelings, say that he loves her back but all he managed was, “Why me?”

Elain was still not looking at him “Because you saw me when I was invisible. Because you saved me from the darkness that threatened to consume me. Because you are my best friend, and that both pains me and makes me so happy. Because you saved me so many times. Because, even as dark, as you think you are, you were my only light for so long.”

She laughed a little at herself, “Honestly Azriel, I could stand here and tell you the reasons for why I love you the whole day, but it’s embarrassing.” She bit her lip, her cheeks were so red, and Azriel beamed. “Spare me my misery and say something?” There was such a worry in her voice that his smile faded. How could she think that he didn’t feel the same way.?

“I love you too Elain Archeron; I think I loved you from the moment I met you, even if I didn’t know it back then. There’s only a place for you in my heart.” Elain finally met his eyes and beamed.

He didn’t know who kissed, who first only that they crashed into each other. He cupped her cheek, and she dragged her hands into his hair. The kiss was every emotion, every feeling he held for her- let loose. And when they stopped for the air, both Azriel and Elain were grinning.

Her lips were red and eyes puffy, but that wasn’t all. Soil. There was soil all over her cheeks. She seemed to be seeing the same on his face, she moved her eyes to his hair and bit her lip trying to hide a smile- Azriel wanted to do it for her. “That bad?” he asked instead.

Even with the dirt of her face, she was still the most beautiful creature, “Nothing we can’t fix.” She took his hand in hers and started walking towards the house, only to be swept by his arms. He held her close to his heart, where she belonged all along. Elains cheeks were on fire. “I can walk you know.” there was laughter in her voice.

“Oh, I know. I just thought you should know that I’m not intending on ever letting you go.” She laughed- the sound so joyous that it warmed his heart. “It’s a good thing that I’m planning to stay here for a while.”

Let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my tag list.Tags: @illyriangarbage // @illyrian-bookworm // @nowheregirldk// @maastrash  // @writer-reader-traveller // @ifangirlninja // @my-ships-will-never-be-sank // @alitzeldiaz // @whydoineedtowriteanamehere // @wolffrising // @ysitsohardtofindaname // @avenrebekah // @aurliel // @mae1919 //  @hellas-himself // @feysand-rowaelin-worshiper /// @queen-of-wings-and-fire // @nightcourtstarlight 

[hmspogue]

Anne With An E season 2 trailer shot by shot rundown

these are screenshot’s from Netflix’s trailer for Anne With An E season 2...i own nothing.

MY CHILD IS BACK AND GREEN GABLES IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER.

for some reason, Anne’s blanket confuses me? i’m not sure why she has it or needs it, like maybe she stepped into the water? but she looks so cute i just wanna hug her.

i completely agree with Ophelia ( @lydias--stiles ), i also think that the sea is going to be important this season or hold a lot of symbolism.

“I love looking out at the horizon and imagining all the possibilities...”

i’m going to try and handle this next part as calmly as possible but-

1) THIS PARALLEL? THE LIGHTING EVEN MATCHES OKAY AND 

2) THE FACT THAT THEY CUT TO GILBERT AS SOON AS ANNE SAYS THAT LAST LINE AND THEN DO NOT CONTINUE SHOWING HIM AFTER THE CUT 100% TELLS ME THAT SHES ALLUDING TO THINKING OF THE POSSIBILITIES OF WHERE GILBERT IS OKAY NEXT-

ah yes i missed both you so much (it’s also so nice to see Matthew healthy and walking around without a cane even. what a man).

the bags on the back and the fact that she’s with Diana make me think that they may be going to that poetry concert they travel to with Miss. Barry in the books. i am all for this we love a girls trip.

thank you.

building the Diana x Rubyx Anne friendship? yes please, carry on. they’re so happy, i’m not crying, you are.

aw the hideout i love this whole set up with the story club.

okay, this scene actually concerned me a little...why does Anne look so frazzled i’m not going to suggest shirbert reunions for every one of these scenes i will not do it i hope she’s okay.

as concerning as Anne’s entrance was, Ruby and Diana’s faces make me even more !!! Diana’s especially. Ruby looks almost afraid and Diana looks extremely worried. it looks to me like they’ve been waiting for Anne in regards to some sort of news? because as seen in the last frame, it looks like they were there before she was.

my prediction is that this is one of the first scenes of episode 1. i recall a post Amybeth had on instagram of her on a beach that looks EXTREMELY similar to this with the caption “Cuthbert on a stroll”. this was towards the very very beginning of filming and from what i could see it looks like they filmed in chronological order. this goes along with the theory that everything is going to start and end with the sea. 

i’m also just going to continue pretending that i didn’t start sobbing at the Cuthberts having a beach picnic. 

Matthew and Anne’s relationship is so important and I’m so excited for this scene (which seems to be the same one from the very beginning of the trailer as you’ll notice).

so obviously the two girls in the front are Anne and Diana being so cute i really cannot breathe, and the one in the back in the pink hat is Ruby...so i would say the other girl is Jane perhaps? just going off of her hair?

“We’re going to get in so much trouble”

1. i love this dynamic so much and i really will never stop stressing that...

2. i think that this is where they were headed off to in the shot above? my theory is that it’s linked to the scene of them watching Mr. Philips in the play which comes later in the trailer (maybe they were not supposed to know about it). it would also make sense that Jane is tagging along since she is Prissy’s sister and heard about it from her.

“Don’t be late for school” 

oh we love a good mother.

“Understood” 

translation: Anne is most definitely going to be late to school at some point-

“And don’t burn down the house” 

translation: a huge disaster is guaranteed to take place-

and Matthew is fully aware of this fact.

“I want Green Gables still standing when i come back tomorrow”

why is she leaving? ANNE SHIRLEY-CUTHBERT YOU ARE THE SUN AND YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING.

i’m obviously curious as to what they’re laughing so hard at, but also as to why they are sitting on what appears to be the floor of the school house (also it’s important to note that i would die for both of them).

JERRY MY BOY I’M SO GLAD YOU LOOK HAPPY AND WELL AND YOU LOOK SO GROWN UP!!!

aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I LIVE FOR THIS SIBLING RELATIONSHIP OH MY GOD. though, Anne looks either like she is comforting Jerry or seeking comfort which is never a...reassuring thing...especially when the voice over quote is:

“I believe there’s always a bit of good in any situation”

ah yes, the man we have all been waiting for, here is Cole. i have heard a lot of people (including myself before Amybeth’s live a few months ago) very concerned about the role he will be playing in the grand scheme of things this season (such as the possibility of him being a love interest for Anne), and i think production knew that because they put in scenes like this to try and make people worried. 

however, my prediction is that this is certainly going to be a nice brotp and (as ophelia and i have mentioned numerous times) i don’t think Cole is straight (as Amybeth said he brings in a lot of discussions that Amybeth is “an advocate for”). this trailer further solidified my beliefs as you’ll see in a moment-

oh....you’re....still here....

this scene is one of the ways i see them hinting that Cole might possibly be gay. Diana’s face looks like Philips just said something characteristically horrible so i’ll just go ahead and prepare my hands for this disgusting teacher to cATCH THEM.

oh yOURE STILL HERE??????? (seemingly laughing at Cole being able to braid hair get out).

“I think it builds character”

it looks like she’s talking to someone at the kitchen table. also i love her.

LOOK AT MY GROWN AND MATURE SON OUT HAVING ADVENTURES IN SOME TROPICAL PLACE please come home soon

for those of you who don’t know, the man walking with him is named Sebastian and it’s been heavily speculated that he will fill a sort of father role for Gilbert in this coming season.

AGAIN WITH THE AFRAID AND CONCERNED LOOKS PLEASE STOP THAT.

i’m betting this has something to do with he thieves that came at the end of last season, which you’ll notice have not been mentioned at all this trailer. it’s also important to note that the voice over to this clip is Matthew saying:

“Whatever we’re facing...we’ll face it as a family”.

Ophelia pointed this out to me, but it looks like Marilla has a gash over her eye so i stg if one of the thieves hurt her you can catch me on a war path (-:

“The three of us”

...................ow.

she’s looking over to the boys side of the classroom (you can tell they’re at school because of Diana’s positioning next to her). and she is looking in the general vicinity of Gilbert’s seat so my guess is she is either smiling at Gilbert !!!!!!!!!or Cole who now sits in Gilbert’s empty seat.

THERE IS A BALL THIS IS NOT A MF DRILL THERE IS A BALL WITH BEAUTIFUL DRESSES AND LIGHTING AND DECORATION AND FLOWER CROWNS AND IF GILBERT BLYTHE IS NOT BACK IN TIME FOR IT I PROMISE, I PROMISE, NETFLIX AND MOIRA WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER.

not to read too much into things, but Cole dancing with Miss. Barry (who is gay in canon) is certianly interesting. i’m thinking a sort of conversation goes down where Miss. Barry helps him start to sort everything out that he has been confused about.

“There’s nothing wrong with being different”.

again with the supporting evidence that they’re dropping hints about Cole.

“You’re unique”.

The world does not deserve Anne Shirley. i’m assuming this is him confiding in her a little bit immediately after whatever went down in the classroom with the hair braiding and Mr. Philips and Billy.

“Unique means weird”.

MORE HINTS.

the whole class applauding Cole for something while Anne and Cole laugh. even Billy and his little friend seem amused and they’re present for whatever this event is. Josie looks pressed and bitter but what else is new.

shes so happy for him!!! 

this seems to be a little bow of gratitude i’m ready for this brotp.

Sebastian and a love interest that i am fully ready to ship. 

i also think that Sebastian being involved in a romantic relationship opens up the opportunity for him and Gilbert to talk about romance and feelings and a certain person back home that Gilbert has feelings for. they’ll get a chance to talk about things Gilbert never really got to learn about from his father go ahead and just leave me here to die.

this shot was quite jarring in the context of the whole mood of the trailer which is interesting.

Matthew appears to be kneeling over somebody on the ground? i’m assuming he was part of the group going out on horses. so perhaps they were searching for this person to begin with?

“There are more important things than beauty...” 

i can’t wait to see what this conversation relates to.

can we all just take a moment and acknowledge how they’re already transitioning Amybeth’s hair to more of an auburn color? 

“-we must try and remember what’s real and good”.

Anne continuing to learn about the real and good things that love and family brings as she become more and more a part of the Cuthbert family, rt if you cried.

my son looking so grown and mature and having fun. 

(im just going choose and ignore the fact that they immediately cut to Gilbert after that last quote and the fact that coincidentally two of the biggest reasons he’s so drawn to Anne is because she’s so real and so good.)

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY SON WHILE HE IS AWAY THANK YOU GOOD SIR.

could the scenery directors be more brilliant? like this is so beautiful.

i’m-

yeS CINEMATOGRAPHY YES. 

these last few shots of Anne with the ocean are feeding into the theory that the sea is going to be a big symbol this season. i think that this whole sequence is going to be the very last scene of the finale (i remember Amybeth posting a thing about the final adr she was doing where Anne breathes out and laughs but i could be reaching).

i think that the Cuthberts on the beach will be the first scene in episode 1 and this will be the last.....the ocean tying everything together, including Gilbert’s story line.

this...

...it is what he deserves.

peep my earlier theory of the girls sneaking into the show to watch Mr. Philips make a fool of himself. Diana doesn’t look too amused however. 

this whole expert Anne is reading (which ophelia has confirmed for me is from Jane Eyre) is not only beautiful-

- but i think it’s meant to be Anne subconsciously relating it to Gilbert and what he is doing (who is apparently on a boat!!!!)

“Now I remembered that the real world is wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had the courage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils”

this is literally exactly what Gilbert’s whole arc is this season. he went out into the world amidst the peril of losing his last family member to seek out all these things, including himself. this, paired with the fact that it’s the voice over they are using for shots of Gilbert traveling, tells me its connected to the reason Anne is reading the excerpt to begin with.

if this cinematography don’t stOP.

i already stan this scene and i’ve seen .0000384792 seconds of it. 

also there is a dark haired boy present as well that could either be Jerry or Gilbert and i’m good with either because i would chop off my right arm for either to have further relational development with Diana.

i wrOTE A SLEEPOVER INTO MY LAST FIC DEAR GOD LET THE REST OF THE SCENE PLAY OUT LIKE I WROTE. i think this has to be the girls unloading after the poetry reading or whatever they were going on that trip for.

yes just be happy it is literally all i will ever ask of you.

yeah  so i stan Sebastian already, oops.

the way i read Anne’s face in this is almost like she WAS crying but then Diana made her laugh. OR she looks like she’s just been embarrassed by something. either way...?????

i would die for this friendship.

i’m not going to make outrageous assumptions about what Gilbert could be staring at with such awe and wonder. i will not do it.

this is the same scene as the opening one. and i’m guessing Anne is running towards Diana all smiley and adorable.

well at least knowing the exact date of my death is somewhat comforting.

guys this season looks so amazing and happy. i cannot wait to see what they do with it. 

[hopeduckling13]

A Wish Come True: Chapter 18

Summary:  How quickly can your mood change from pure happiness to pure horror? In a millisecond.The day Killian and Emma found out they were true love, they were ecstatic. That is until, they were forced to say goodbye to each other. For forever. Or so they thought.Can they still manage to find their true love for each other after five years of seperation or is it too late?

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Ship: Captain Swan

Rating: M

Setting: 5 years after 5x20 Firebird

Also on AO3, FF.net and Wattpad

Catch up on Tumblr: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17]

Reblog to be tagged in future chapters: @mcakers

~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~

He got here yesterday, and I didn’t even know. He obviously didn’t even want me to know. Otherwise, he would’ve visited me, right? 

It just doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t Killian want to see me? He loves me, I know that without a doubt. He told me many times and I can feel it 24/7. He wouldn’t lie to me - especially not about loving me. He can’t fake his feelings for me. They just run too deep.

Not that he could lie to be about this since we’re true love. It was confirmed by that door in the Underworld.

The only reasonable explanation for everything is, that he saw me with Carter. But where? Please tell me it was only the Sheriff’s station. And not anytime in my home. I don’t remember much from last night due to quite some amount of wine. Alcohol mixed with my depressing thoughts yesterday isn’t a good combination, so whatever happened, it can’t be good. 

All I can hope is, that Killian didn’t come anywhere near our house.

I don’t wish that on him. I already hate, that he had to see Carter calling me disgusting pet names and kissing my cheek. And just in general the fact, that he knows I’ve been dating Carter for the past few years.

I hurt him enough, so I want to spare him any extra pain.

I never should’ve tried to make my mother happy. Now all of this is coming back and messing with my relationship. 

And the worse thing is, that my mother still seems to think, that Carter is what’s best for me. She’s messing with Killian’s head and his heart. I seriously need to pay her a visit and set her mind straight! She can’t just act like Killian being back is a bad thing. How crappy is that? Wishing your daughter’s boyfriend dead? Or even just wanting any good person to be dead!

I need to get her to stop talking like that before she gets her wish and breaks us up!

She’s causing enough trouble already. I can’t let it go on any longer. We’re going to have a nice little chat. As soon as I fixed this problem she caused.

Killian isn’t even back for a whole day, and we’re already fighting. That never used to be us. Well, except the Dark Ones phase, but I don’t count that. That wasn’t either of our fault. It was the darkness.

I just can’t take this anymore. Fighting with Killian is the last thing I want. It’s exhausting. It breaks me. I have to fix this.

I can’t lose him. I’d never forgive myself, if he’d walk out our door today. I just got him back.

I look up at Killian. He’s facing me with sad eyes.

“You’ve been here since yesterday? Why didn’t you tell me? Where were you?” My voice is still weak from the crying. I’m sure these won’t be the last tears for today, either. But this has to be done now. I can’t let fear control me.

I’m the Savior after all. I fought a dragon and countless other villains. I can do this!

I scoot closer to Killian again, needing his warmth to get me through this conversation.

He sighs and takes a deep breath.

“I got back yesterday evening. I went to the Sheriff’s station to check up on you, but Carter arrived a moment before me. I followed him. At first, I still had every intention to walk inside, but he gave you those flowers and hugged you. You looked so happy. I didn’t want to take that away from you. I didn’t want to complicate your life, so I went back to my ship.” He tells me, looking at me completely broken. His eyes search mine for forgiveness.

I caress his cheek with my hand in order to comfort him. Also, to tell him, that everything will be alright - that we will be alright.

Luckily he only visited the station. Good.

That is until I realise something else is off.

If Killian thought I was so happy, why did he come to my house this morning? Did he for a second accept, that I don’t have any feelings for Carter?

“And this morning you just suddenly changed your mind about wanting to see me? Not that I’m complaining, it’s just weird.” I ask.

He takes my hand and looks down at it. Squeezing it as if he’s trying to get strength from it. What the hell happened?

It can’t be that bad, can it?

“Actually, no. I didn’t. I’m sorry, Swan, but I intended to leave town. I saw you moved on and I didn’t want to reopen old wounds, so I thought it was for the best.”

My hand slips from his face. The tears spill once again.

Everyone always left me. First my parents put me through a magical wardrobe. Every single foster family I ever had threw me out like trash. Neal let me go to prison like I never meant anything to him. I probably never did.

I found my parents again, but it was too late. They just replaced me with my brother. At least that’s what it felt like ever since mom revealed her darkest secret. If it wasn’t for that, it’d be normal to have a little sibling.

Graham died and left me with that. 

Walsh turned out to be a fucking flying monkey. On top of that, he tried to kill me.

Even Henry sort of left me by starting to favour Regina more and more.

No one ever stayed with me. I was never enough for anyone.

I always believed, that Killian was the rare exception. But now he intended to leave me, too. 

That’s why he keeps acting like I’m in love with Carter, doesn’t he? He still wants to leave. He realized, that he’s better off without me. 

I really am still that lost little girl, who doesn’t matter. Apparently, I have some big issues.

I can’t even manage to get my true love to love me forever.

Am I really that unlovable? Am I just that unfixable?

I’m sobbing hard, and suddenly Killian’s arms are snugly around me. He holds me in his arms, hand in my hair and kisses my cheek repeatedly. I want to push him away. I want to be angry with him, but I just can’t. Not physically and not emotionally.

Killian is my anchor. He’s the one person, that can always comfort me. He saved me in more ways than one, even though I’m supposed to be the Savior. I just can’t let go of him.

Hell, I spent five years grieving him and it didn’t get better for even a percent. People always say that time heals, but I never recovered a bit from losing Killian. 

He pulls away from me a little, keeping me close with his hooked arm. He looks at me with sadness. There are tears in his eyes, too. He puts his hand on my cheek and starts to talk, kissing every inch of my face, except my lips, between words.

“I’m sorry, Swan. I’m so sorry. But please understand, that none of this is your fault. I didn’t want to leave – not ever. You’re the only thing in my life, that makes sense to me. Of course, I didn’t want to lose you. I just thought you loved him. I see now, that that was wrong. I was wrong.”

I lie my head back on his shoulder.

I continue sobbing into Killian’s chest, but the sobs begin to fade, eventually. His arms always have that effect on me.

He’s great at comforting me, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him. 

I pull away and see that Killian still has tears in his eyes, too. So, I didn’t imagine them earlier. Besides that, his whole gaze just screams fear. He thinks this might break us, doesn’t he? Well, I won’t let that happen.

“Yes, you were wrong.” I say, my tone cold as ice. “You let jealousy get the best of you. Why would you do that, Killian? We’ve been confirmed true love! So, why would I want to be with anyone but you? How could you think, that anyone could compare to you even in the slightest?” 

“I’m sorry, love. I never should’ve doubted you and I promise, that from now on, I’ll trust you completely.” Killian takes my hand carefully. I let him and interlace our fingers. “And I won’t ever even consider leaving again. Luckily, your lad talked some sense into me before I did something, I’d regret.”

I raise my head in confusion. “Wait. What did you just say?”

“Henry came by this morning to check on my ship. He saw me and well, convinced my that I should stay here. If it wasn’t for your lad, I’d probably be far away by now.” He looks down again, obviously embarrassed and sad at the same time.

I’m still mad at him, maybe even more because he really would have left this morning. He doesn’t seem to make this up. 

But I put that aside for now, and give his hand a squeeze. My hand touches his cheek softly. He automatically leans into my touch. It’s still like second nature to us. It’s like the last five years never happened. Maybe that’s what true love is all about.

“I’m glad you didn’t leave.” I smile at him. His eyes meet mine. They’re still filled with sadness. He seems to be as angry with himself as I am deep down. He’s beating himself up about this.

Good. Regret means, that he won’t do it again. It means that he really is the person, that I’ve missed for five years. The person I love.

I know now more than ever, that we’ll get through this.

I peck his lips. Then, I lean my forehead on his and whisper. “We’ll be alright.”

[ivarswickedqueen]

Crush - part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Word account: 2600

Paring: Hvitserk  x reader, Ivar x reader (platonic)

Warnings: none for this chapter ;)

And big thank you to @captstefanbrandt​, who was so kind and corrected my mistakes 😘😘

Tags: @itharley @ivarlothbroks @akamaiden @strangunddurm, @betheworstyoucanbeandenjoyit @hizz-hizz-mothertruckerz @93generation,  @gummiwormsandonedirection, @missrobyn81,  @vikingsandetc, @minarawr, @ethereallysimple, @itharley,  @starfox-92, @kikuthestrange, @heathen-whore,  @cbouvier23 @kerouacsroad, @ivars-snowflake, @alicedopey , @mblaqgi @steadypiepsychicflower, @perfectus-in-morte, @gwilson937, @proudcoiler88, @ilvebeenabad, @titty-teetee @ivarsshieldmadien, @kuollut-talven, @ivarsrideordie, @minarawr @atequila, @lol-haha-joke, @applesaucers, @kaani14sc, @lisinfleur

Let me know it I forgot to tag you or if you want to be tagged in Crush ;)

You slowly opened the door to Ivar’s bedroom. 

“Hi,” you said quietly and smiled at him softly, but he just stared at you. His eyes were stone cold. “Ivar, listen to me. I'm really sorry that I've been ignoring you lately. I was selfish. I felt so happy with your brother that I abandoned you. I’ve been a terrible friend. Please forgive me?” you begged him, but he was just sitting on his bed, completely still. You sighed, this won’t be easy. “Ivar, please talk to me. Yell at me, tell me what you think of me, but don’t give me this silent treatment,” you begged him, but he refused to talk to you.  “Ivar, please, you are my best friend. You are the closest person I have. The guilt is eating me up. Please don’t hate me,” you whispered and felt a single tear rolling down your cheek. You hated being so weak, but the idea of Ivar hating you was unbearable. He finally looked at you and his hard stare softened. "It’s not the guilt but Hvitserk,” he said and you blinked few times. “W-what?”          “It’s not the guilt what’s eating you up, but Hvitserk’s mouth.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and you blushed wildly. “Ivar,” you shouted, outraged by his words, but he chuckled when he saw your pink cheeks. “It’s so easy to make you blush, Y/N,” he winked and you sighed in relief.  “Am I forgiven?” you asked him softly and carefully sat next to him on his bed.  “Yes, you are. You look like a kicked puppy, I can’t be mad at you,” he said nonchalantly and the biggest smile spread across your face.  “Thank you, Ivar. You are the best friend ever. I don’t deserve you.”  “Hey, stop it, you deserve everything in the world. You are too good for this world. You are too good for my goofy brother,” he chuckled and you nudged him in the ribs.  “Don’t be mean. You are the reason why we are together,” you reminded him.  “Yeah, and I kind of regretted it in the last few days. He stole you from me,” he pouted like a little child and you felt the sting of guilt again.  “You know what Ivar, get dressed! We are going out for a trip!” You chimed and Ivar frowned. “I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to stay here!” he said grumpily.  “Come on Grumpy, it’s a sunny afternoon. We can go on the beach and watch the merchant ships sailing in and out of Kattegat, trying to guess what they are selling or buying. You always loved that,” you suggested and smiled brightly at him.  “Yeah, when I was a kid. And don’t call me Grumpy!” he growled, but you saw that he loved that idea, but he was too stubborn to admit that.  “Come on Ivar, please, for me?” you pouted.  “All right woman, I’ll go with you, now stop pouting and wait outside for me,” he rolled his eyes and you ran happily into the great hall. “I see that everything went well with my little brother,” Hvitserk smiled softly at you. He stepped forward, took your face gently in his hands, and kissed you slowly. You kissed him back immediately, his hands left your cheeks and ran down your body to your hips, caressing them lovingly, before pulling you closer to him. Your kiss was more and more heated, his hands were suddenly on your ass, grinding you against him.  “Can’t you keep it in your pants for a second, Hvitserk? Stop sucking my best friend’s face,” Ivar said obviously disgusted by the image in front of him. You blushed and hid your face in Hvitserk’s chest. “Are you jealous, brother?” Hvitserk smirked and kept you close to him.  “No, I have no interest to drool all over Y/N’s face,” Ivar said and wrinkled his nose. “Maybe it’s finally the right time for you to find someone, who would love to be kissed by Ivar the Boneless. I know it would be hard, but I am sure that she’s somewhere out there,” Hvitserk provoked his brother and you decided to say something before it’s too late.  “Enough, you two! Ivar, we have to go, and don't be mean to your brother, my Prince,” you said firmly and they both looked at you in surprise.  “Since when are you so bossy, baby girl?” Hvitserk asked and Ivar rolled his eyes at the pet name. “Since the moment when the two men I love are trying to start a painful argument!” you said quietly, your confidence was quickly gone.  “I love to see you like that,” he whispered into your ear, and kissed your temple lovingly. “Where are you two going?” he asked curiously. “That’s none of your business,” Ivar snapped.  “To the beach,” you said quickly before they had a chance to start arguing again.  “Can I go with you?” he asked smugly. “NO,” you and Ivar said in unison and Hvitserk was taken aback by your answer.  “Ivar, wait for me outside, I’ll be there in a second,” you said and begged him silently with your eyes to keep his mouth shut and go outside. When Ivar limped away you placed your hands on Hvitserk’s shoulders and looked into his green eyes.  “Why do you want to be alone with him? He asked before you had a chance to open your mouth.  “Because he is my best friend and I want to spend some time with him. Just to talk, listen to whatever is bothering him, sit on the beach in silence, enjoy the sun on our skin, and watch the merchants.” You explained, but he still looked like a kicked puppy. “Look, your brother is lonely and I ignored him in the last days, I want to make it up to him. It would be rude to take you with us and make out with you the whole time,” you added softly, and smiled when you saw a huge smirk forming on his lips.  “You want to make out with me on the beach, baby girl?” he said smugly and pushed you against the wall gently.  “Is that the only thing you remember from my little speech?” you sighed when he started nibbling on your neck.  “All I heard is that my girl wants to make out with me in a public place,” he smirked and bit the side of your neck playfully. You moaned softly and pushed him away from you unwillingly.  “Listen, my Prince. We can go to the beach tomorrow, OK? Just me and you. I'll figure out how to get out of the house. Just be a little patient. Can you do that for me?” he sighed and nodded.  “As you wish, I can’t wait,” he kissed you once again before letting you go to his brother.  “Where were you? Did you two manage to have a quickie?” Ivar snapped at you, but you smiled at him kindly, grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the beach.  “Come on Grumpy, it’s a sunny day and we have to talk about so many things.” You said cheerfully and Ivar rolled his eyes, but smiled secretly when you turned your head.

************************LATER********************************

 “Thank you for this lovely afternoon and evening, Ivar,” you smiled happily at your best friend. You two spent long hours on the beach, talking, laughing and planning your future. You enjoyed it so much and realized how much you missed Ivar. You made a promise to yourself that you will never abandon him again. You hesitated for a second and then hugged him tightly. He froze and you were afraid that he’ll start yelling at you, but he surprised you, when he hugged you back hesitantly, his hand patted your back softly.  “I should go home,” he said quickly and started limping away. You chuckled softly. Ivar wasn’t used to showing his emotions or affection. It meant a lot to you that he hugged you back. You walked inside your house with a bright smile on your lips, but it disappeared when you saw your father and mother sitting in the kitchen, waiting for you.

“Where have you been daughter?” your father asked.  “With Ivar on the beach,” you explained, your voice was already shaking.  “What were you doing there?” your mother joined the interrogation.  “Talking, laughing, sharing stories, watching the merchant’s ships,” you explained but the look in their eyes told you, that they didn’t believe you at all.  “Stop! I am sick and tired of your lies.” Your father yelled. “We saw you hugging him,” you mother said, her eyes full of disappointment. “But, it was just…” you tried to protest, but your father yelled again.  “Shut up! I and your mother made a decision!” “W-w-what decision?” you asked shakily.  “You will marry jarl Godrigsson from Yötterland,” your father announced and you almost fainted.  “But I don’t want to get married, I don’t know him, I don’t love him. I want to stay in Kattegat. This is my home. My friends are here. My family is here.” You said quickly. Your words made your father angrier. He wasn’t used to you talking back to him.  “Your friends? You have only one friend, and that’s Ivar Ragnarsson!!” he hissed.  “And we know what kind of friendship you two have. Do you think that we are stupid? That we didn’t notice the changes in your behavior? That we didn't saw the hickeys on your skin? You are talking about your family, but you shamed us, daughter!! You had sex before marriage! And with the Prince of Kattegat!! That’s outrageous! Thanks to Freya that you are not pregnant!! Maybe you are so stupid that you believe that Prince Ivar will marry you one day, but that is never gonna happen! And I have had enough of this conversation! You will marry jarl Godrigsson, that’s my last word!!” he yelled and slammed his huge fist on the table. You jumped from the chair, your eyes full of tears.  “Where are you going?” your father shouted, and tried to stop you from leaving. You were quicker than him, and managed to escape.  “Yes, daughter, run to your lover and say your goodbyes. Your future husband will arrive in 3 days, and the wedding will be the next day!” your father shouted behind you.  You were running to Hvitserk’s house so fast, your eyes were full of salty tears, it was a miracle that you reached your destination without falling on the ground. You started banging on the door furiously, sobbing loudly, your legs were burning from the fast run.  Ubbe opened the door for you and gasped when he saw your wet face. “What happened, Y/N?” he asked you, but you were unable to say something to him, you were sobbing loudly, your whole body was trembling. You knelt down on the cold floor. “HVITSERK!! Come here and calm down your girl” Ubbe shouted, it didn’t take long and Hvitserk ran to you and wrapped his arms protectively around you.  “What happened, Y/N?” he asked you, but you just buried your head into his chest and kept crying. “What the hell is all the fuss about?” Ivar asked grumpily and crawled out of his bedroom.  “Y/N, why are you crying, what happened? What did you do to her?” he asked Hvitserk with venom in his voice.  “Me??? She spent the whole day with you. You tell me what happened to her!” Hvitserk replied angrily.  “She was perfectly fine, when I left her. She was smiling and laughing. Something had to happen to her when she came home!” Ivar said and crawled closer to you.  “What happened to you, baby girl?” Hvitserk asked again, but you kept crying, terrified of the things your father told you. You were simply in shock. “Y/N please, stop crying, you are breaking my heart,” Hvitserk begged you, and you started crying even harder. He sighed and looked at Ivar desperately, not knowing what to do with you.  “Hey Y/N! Look at me!” Ivar commanded and you raised your head slowly. Ivar decided to punish severely that person who made you cry so much. Your eyes were red and puffy, your lips were trembling.  “What did your father do to you?” he asked, knowing that only your father could make you feel so miserable. You started sobbing again and threw yourself into his arms. He didn’t know what to do. He patted your back again and you started crying harder, soaking his shirt with your tears. Hvitserk couldn’t stand to see you like this and started pacing around the room. “Y/N, Y/N!! Stop crying!! Now!” Ivar shouted and you stopped crying.  “Stop yelling at her,” Hvitserk scolded his brother, but Ivar ignored him. He gently took your chin in his fingers and raised your head, forcing you to look into his intense blue eyes.  “Tell me what happened!”he ordered and the tears again began to fill your eyes. “Hey, stop it. No more tears!” you bit your lip and nodded.  “Come on Y/N, breathe and tell us what happened,” Hvitserk encouraged you and knelt next to you again.  “My father, he told me that I have to…” you started sobbing again. Hvitserk took your hand in his and draw little encouraging circles on your palm with his fingers. “He told me, that I shamed our family.” you started. “Him and mother think that me and Ivar are a couple. He saw the hickeys on my neck. He said that it’s outrageous that I am sleeping with a man who isn’t my husband. And that he already found a husband for me,” you burst into tears again.  “That’s wonderful. You are fucking her brains out every day, marking her like a stupid lovesick teenager, but I am the guilty one here!" Ivar complained and Hvitserk smacked him upside the head. “Your father can’t force you to marry someone who you don’t want to marry!” Hvitserk said angrily. “You don’t know my father, he is ruthless,” you said and shook in fear.  “Who is your future husband?” Ubbe finally joined the conversation. “Jarl Godrigsson from Yötterland,” you cried again and hid your face into Ivar’s chest.  “That old creep?” Ivar laughed sarcastically.  “It makes sense. He lives at the other side of this kingdom. Her father wants to get her as far away from Ivar as possible,” Ubbe nodded. Hvitserk was quiet in the last moments and you were worried that he was thinking about ending things with you, because this drama was something he didn’t want.  “I don’t want to marry him,” you whined.  “Don’t worry, we'll figure out something. I can talk to mother. Your father can’t marry you without permission from the queen of Kattegat,” Ivar assured you and you felt a little bit of hope. “I have a better idea. Get up, Y/N. Come on,” Hvitserk said suddenly and pulled you gently on your feet and dragged you towards his mother’s chambers.  “What are you doing? She must be sleeping!” you protested, terrified to make Aslaug angry.  “I don’t care,” he started knocking loudly on her bedroom door. Ubbe and Ivar followed you closely and you were greeted by a really annoyed Aslaug.  “What is it? Why are you waking me up in the middle of the night?”  “Mother,” Hvitserk started and stood tall in front of his mother. “I want to get married!”

TO BE CONTINUED

[margridarnauds]

Ship Meme: 7, 16, 30; Ronan/Laz or Bres/Sreng

Since apparently I’m in the mood for these two losers...

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

Even though Ireland will always be Bres’ main stronghold (out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else), he also has a bit more of an international reach than the rest of the Tuatha dé and is overall much, much happier just being around mortals. (He and Manannan will both STAUNCHLY deny having that in common, but. Well. Like uncle, like nephew.) Most of the Tuatha dé have a disdain for the mortals, still holding them responsible for them losing Ireland, perfectly content to stay beneath the earth in their Sidhe-mounds and keep to themselves as they’ve done for centuries, but does Bres REALLY care about that? No. He's actually FONDER of them for that reason. 

He’s perfectly happy in Paris, Boston (though the Dagda is oddly fond of that one, for reasons that Bres quite frankly can’t understand), or Las Vegas, where he’s one more face in the crowd. (As opposed to, say, Dublin, which, as much as he likes it for its Viking origins, there’s a not-inconsequential possibility that he’ll run into someone that he cares about or, God help him, Lugh, on the rare occasions Lugh bothers with mortals.) He also tends to avoid Scotland and Norway, because there’s a little too much Fomorian influence for him to be happy, and the LAST thing he wants is for his father to be there when he’s on a nice, happy date with his boyfriend.) 

Their nights out tend to be when both of them relax around one another. Both of them are a lot more animated than they tend to initially come off (post CMT, Bres has really sobered for the most part, ESPECIALLY after the little incident with the red liquid), going from one thing to another. Bres tends to look up everything beforehand that they could go to and drags Sreng from place to place, though sometimes he’s perfectly happy just to go for a walk, now that they’re both at a place where they can HAVE that kind of liberty. Back in the old days, there was such an emphasis on status and having a proper retinue that there were few enough times that they could actually have any time to themselves. Taking aside all the touristy options, arcades seem to be a particular favorite. Bres is a GENIUS at pinball. Meanwhile, he totally takes advantage of having a tall boyfriend to get a ton of tickets in the little basketball courts. They get VERY competitive when it comes to laser tag, to a frankly ridiculous extent.��

(Lugh is always constantly on the lookout, because he believes that it’s part of some diabolical scheme that Bres has to conquer Ireland. It’s been centuries now. He still has no idea.)

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

Honestly, Bres and Sreng are SET for the zombie apocalypse. The two of them are, in their own time, two of the most competent men from their respective sides. (Bres is a bad KING, but look at his kill count in Cath Maige Tuired Conga. He’s a very, very pretty killing machine.) There would be NO problem as far as whether or not they could, like, drive a knife through someone’s brain. The answer is an obvious “Yes.” Personally, I see Bres becoming disgusted with the Tuatha dé fairly early on with things, since they would obviously leave those who don’t fit their Ideal to the zombies (which would include the Fir Bolg, the slaves, the ones who don’t fit into that artistic elite, etc), defecting to Sreng and the Fir Bolg. 

(”Oh no, Lugh’s a zombie, whatever shall we do?”)

I do think that Sreng would be tested to his extreme, because in-canon (I know, always a funny term to use with these texts), Sreng DID have to deal with a situation where their population was depleted that MASSIVELY. And, if we’re assuming this is taking place post-Cath Maige Tuired Conga, it would be CRUSHING to him because their population is so small that ANY Fir Bolg that’s killed would be someone he KNEW. He would have to make a lot of high pressure decisions really quickly, and I think it would haunt him. There would be all those thoughts of “What could I have done differently?” In which case Bres would really be the best person to deal with it, just as a source of stability. But, from what we see of Sreng, he’s level minded, he’s NOT stupid, and he’s not keen on taking huge risks. He’d honestly probably be the best guy the Fir Bolg could have on their side. 

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? 

Bres and Sreng honestly have a LOT in common. One thing that I don’t think I really discuss as much with them is that BOTH of them start out at this place where they’re essentially outsiders in their own tribe. 

It’s not mentioned in-text, but Sreng’s father, Sengann, was one of the initial Fir Bolg kings who first landed on Ireland, and he would be killed fairly early on in things. It’s not mentioned how old Sreng was when that happened, but I tend to lean towards “YOUNG.” And then Sreng’s brother, Fodbgen became ruler after killing the man who killed their father, only to die shortly thereafter at the hands of Eochaid mac Erc, who was king of the Fir Bolg when Sreng fought Cath Maige Tuired Conga and who would die then. The homefront for Sreng at the beginning of things has GOT to be tense when they send him out to meet with Bres, he’s got to be in this very odd position as far as everyone EXPECTING him to one day kill Eochaid, because that’s been the pattern. 

And meanwhile, Bres isn’t REALLY in with the Tuatha dé either; his father’s a foreigner, his connection to the Tuatha dé comes from the maternal line. And, like with Sreng, it’s pretty easy to read between the lines with Bres and at least guess that he’s not exactly had a childhood as we’d know it (not that a lot of Irish heroes did, given the love that the texts have for the Prodigy Hero). Growing at twice the age of a normal kid, I think that his bonds with kids his own age would have been very stunted, I tend to think that he probably was subjected to taunting because of his status. (Judging from some bardic poetry where Lugh gets bullied for his Fomorian ancestry, along with the little moment in Tochmarc Etain where Aengus is given a difficult time for not knowing his father and mother.) Bres is probably married to Bríg at this point (though there’s such little info available on that one, you could HC it any number of ways), but she’s part of that literary elite that Bres doesn’t fit in with. 

So, when they meet up, they’re both really at this place where they’ve managed to work their way into the tribe, but they’re also not content there, and then they meet someone who GETS them on a fundamental level. Which is why I tend to HC that Bres goes downhill once the Fir Bolg leave. He had a chance at someone who UNDERSTOOD him and who loved him outside of his looks or what he could do for them, and suddenly that was ripped away. And that’s how I tend to see their dynamic going throughout the years afterwards, as the two of them really ARE the only stability that they’ve ever had. They’re really kind of an inversion of the later Cú Chulainn/Ferdiad dynamic, where they met young, got that attachment to one another, and then let their peoples tear them apart. Bres looked at that society that said “You have no choice but to choose us over him, if you’re lucky we might even forgive you for replacing Nuada” already exhausted and heart-sick and said “I have one option left: Break society.” Bres ISN’T the faithful dog to them that Cú Chulainn or even Lugh is but he’s a better man, because he still has a conscience, even if he buried it deep for Cath Maige Tuired, and so he ends up breaking, and suddenly him and Sreng are at this place where they’re free to start things, and Sreng’s stable enough and puts enough of a focus on family ties that he’s perfectly fine acting as another parent to Bres’ kids. And because of the way that things ended initially, Sreng totally didn’t think that there would ever be a chance that Bres could requite things. Like, he’ll still sometimes turn over in bed and go “WOW. How did that happen?”

Basically, unlike, say, Ferdiad/CC, which starts off as Friends-Lovers-Rivals, they go from Rivals-Friends-Lovers. And if Bres is away from Sreng for more than, like, a few days, he goes into full-blown pining mode. It’s pathetic. The TDD have accepted that The Fir Bolg has to be there, because NO ONE wants to put up with an irritable, pining half-Fomorian former king. Because Bres has more or less forgotten how to sleep on any other surface that isn’t Sreng’s chest throughout the years. Yet another advantage of the height difference.

[billy-batson]

an anon asked a while back if i could write an essay explaining why i hate karen and kastle and me, being me, saved it in my asks until i could further explain to full capacity. my response?

absolutely. i’ve had this ask in my inbox for quite a few weeks, since before the release of the punisher. in order for people to understand my view points and beliefs, we must take off any shipping goggles we might have and view it from a fairly objective view point. (i’ve also added my own gifs to this because eh, why not?) also, this got quite long so under a cut it goes. also, it sort of gets messy but bear with me. (word count: 2.5k)

we’ll first begin with miss karen page. first introduced as a girl being framed for a murder she did not commit; a fresh breath of air, of sorts, in a show focusing mainly on foggy and matt, two men. as the first season moves on, we see that she’s interested in discovering more about union allied, who attempted to frame her, and that eventually leads her to ben urich, a reporter who, in his heyday, followed thrilling and intense cases and wrote groundbreaking articles. now, though, since he’s aged and has more concern for his life and job--which he needs to support his dying wife while she’s in the hospital--he writes whatever his editor wants him to. he’s fine with this. in fact, he’s comfortable with this.

the issue, though? karen essentially pushes him back into this type of work, bringing him into her hunt on union allied which he explicitly stated, multiple times, that he did not wish to do. he knows how this will likely end--he even tells her as much, reminding her that he’s old now, and he’s “a lot less stupid”. while we can’t entirely fault her for coercing him into working with her, since he is a grown man and he can make his own decisions, she was the cause of the events that led up to, and caused, his death. yes, a white woman caused a black man’s death. unsurprising news when you’re black.

after his death, though? karen--who holds absolutely no relation to him--gets the ownership of his car, which could have gone towards paying his wife’s hospital bills, and his job, despite having absolutely no credentials or prior experience. that is a fine example of white privilege. never worked or trained a day in that work, ever, and yet she gets his job. i know this isn’t real life, but it’s a piece of realistic fiction. it should be realistic---which, i guess, it is, since the only way someone with no credentials or experience in journalism is going to get a job is if they’re white. also, this is marvel netflix’s first example of violently murdering a black person in their series (which they do in every one of their series), so that leaves a foul taste in my mouth, as a black person.

and next came the, what i like to call “weirdly random ooc #female badassness! wannabe episode”, aka the episode where she kills wesley, stating that she’s fired a gun before and insinuated that she’s killed before. not only does she get off scot free for this (which, by the way, never would have happened unless she was white), but it’s also never mentioned ever again. it was a needless act that was ludicrous in execution and inserting into the narrative. it was just a way to say “look! our blonde haired beauty is a badass haha :)”

season two comes along, and it’s shown that she’s digging up information about the punisher while also going on dates with matt. eventually, though, she meets frank for who he is and this is what i call the sort of beginning of manipulation, at least for her, but i’ll be getting more into depth about this later. in the last few episodes, she gives frank an ultimatum -- stop being the punisher, or she’ll walk away. you’ll recall that in the defenders, she also gave matt the same ultimatum, which is a form of manipulation and underlying abuse. karen can not accept that these mens’ alter egos is who they are inside, and that causes for her to make them choose between her and doing what they want to do. having experienced such abuse from the hands of ex friends in the past, it sealed the deal for my disdain for her.

the main thing i dislike about karen is how she’s written in a way where it’s as if she can do no wrong. and fandom’s behavior definitely perpetuates that. she’s seen as a “#perfect cinnamon roll” or a “#goddess” or a saint or whatever fandom is referring to her as. she truly is not all that, yet the writers tend to portray her as such. (needless to say that in the comics, she sold matt’s identity as daredevil for drugs, but that’s beside the point.) she does not deserve to be held to such a high pedestal, and fandom, specifically certain individuals in the fandom, should not hate people who point out valid criticism of her because they can’t see it from any perspective that isn’t their own.

on that note, fandom is a large part of my hatred for characters or ships. fandom never knows how to be normal and they either detest you for not liking their favorite character / ship, or don’t listen to you at all.

when it comes to kastle, though, things are more simple to explain. (as of writing, i am currently on the third episode of the punisher and going slowly through it for obvious reasons.) the entire reason frank does what he does, is because of the death of his family. of his children, of his wife. he relives that all throughout season two of daredevil despite claiming to not have ptsd, and we see it even more intensely in the punisher. he thinks of his wife and children every day, without fail--often times its the first thing he thinks of, and the last thing he thinks of. even a year to two years after their death, the wound is still raw and he is very much not over it.

so why, pray tell, is the ship kastle a thing? he is not, in anyway capable of having or maintaining a healthy relationship as of right now--nor might he ever. the fact that people could excuse this obviously damaged man’s feelings just to ship him with fandom’s white fave, thinly veiled self insert character is saddening and bordering on disgusting. he hasnt even had the chance to heal or breathe and everyone’s already shipping him with her?

matt said that karen deserves better than him. “better than [matt]” does not equal “you should date frank”. frank, himself, says that karen is in love with matt. he compares that love to him and his wife, who he’s not over. karen understands this and accepts this -- she is in love with matt, just as frank is in love with maria, still.

his love for maria is further solidified in the first episode of the punisher, when he repeatedly relives good moments that he had with maria and reminisces on the things that he loved about her through his memories. he, in every way, needs healing. what he does not need is a relationship. that would be one of the last things that he needs, especially after going through all that he has. the death and loss of his family was one of the most traumatic things he’s experienced, to the point that he takes it upon himself to track every single person connected to their murder and kill them, even going so far as juarez, mexico, to do so. six months after that is not enough time for the emotional stability that frank needs before a relationship with anyone could even be considered.

after frank kills schoonover, karen is visibly upset.

she didn’t want him to kill someone, and she even goes so far as to tell him that he can’t keep doing what he’s doing, otherwise, they’re through, and she’s walking. (to which he obviously keeps doing what he’s doing and doesn’t look back as he leaves her in the woods.)

going back a bit, in episode ten, after his escape, she’s afraid of him to the point that she draws a gun on him.

(needless to say the scene right after this is everyone’s beloved #zomg kastle!! scene. everyone seems to ignore what happened right before that scene though. hm. wonder why.)

does that even seem like a good relationship build up? he makes her cry out of a fear for him, she gives him an ultimatum, manipulating him, she pulls a gun on him and absolutely can kill him, as seen since she’s murdered wesley and has apparently done so before in the past. he has no reason to believe that she won’t pull that trigger, and the audience, aside from knowing that the punisher is too iconic of a character to kill off, has no reason to believe that she won’t pull that trigger. why not? she’s done it before on screen, and she showed us what she’s capable of doing.

she doesn’t get the chance to because her apartment is shot up and frank, the good person that he is, ducks down and protects her. because he’s a good person, and she’s someone he can consider, at this point, to be a sort of “friend”. (i’m like, 90% sure none of you guys have ever had any good things happen to you from good people or that yall have friends and cant tell the difference between friendship love and romantic love, since yall ship this, but i rest my case.)

a fun scene i saw pop up in the anti kastle tag -- a post written by a shipper -- was the scene in the punisher where someone refers to karen as “his girlfriend, and takes that as a sign. please, i know we all know better than this. people tease people all the time when it comes to friends, especially attractive ones, typically those of the opposite gender. i can’t list the number of times that one of my childhood friends was called “my boyfriend” by my family or i was called “his girlfriend” by his. it would be completely ludicrous to presume that that sort of comment meant anything other than a jest or a poke at frank’s expense. that’s what friends are like, that’s a universal experience for most people who have friends. it does not hint towards that ship or somehow verify it. thats not what the comment was. by thinking it verifies the ship in some way, you’re all effectively making a mountain out of...dust.

finally, let’s talk about fandom’s need to show their ass when it comes to their ableism. frank castle has ptsd, albeit he is in denial of such a fact. fandom often writes fics and headcanons that if kastle was canon, karen could “fix” frank of his ptsd and “make the pain go away”. for one thing, ptsd does not go away. it doesn’t. being with someone does not make it go away. i know fandom likes to see karen as a saint or an angel or a goddess, but she’s human. even if kastle were to happen, the ptsd would still be there. frank isnt going to magically be “cured” because he’s dating karen page. the fact that this is such a common fandom headcanon is ableist in and of itself. as an abuse survivor still living in an abusive situation, fandom needs to understand that ptsd does not go away. it can be lessened, yes, but it does not go away. an event such as watching your entire family get slaughtered before your very eyes does not go away, especially when said person repeatedly has flash backs of said event. you cannot expect it to. this is part of the reason why the fandom, itself, sickens me.

also, there are volatile tendencies on both sides. as karen isn’t the sole person to blame for why this ship borders on toxicity (almost as bad as the fandom); frank is, as well. due to his volatile nature, and her stubborn and subtle manipulations, as well as the fact that neither of them, specifically frank, are in a position to be in a relationship with anyone (karen as well, considering matt, who she canonically loves, has just appeared to die), makes this ship unable to work. it cannot work and it does not work despite fandom’s perpetual pleas to make it work, likely due to the fact that karen is the self insert character for women all across the fandom, typically and most often, from what i’ve seen, the white women. (needless to say that comics canon karen is so vastly different from show karen that she might as well be a self insert oc at this point.) these are the same white women who will likely regard this as “misogyny” and label it as just “another hater hating”. that is not what i am, but if thats your prerogative, to demonize a black woman for pointing out valid criticisms and flaws found in the beloved ship and the white woman, thats not my problem.

so, in conclusion, why do i hate karen? mainly due to the fact that her white privilege gets her a job, a car of a dead man with a dying wife, who’s dead as a result of her actions, and, of course, fandom and their constant push to make her a savior of some kind, here to “fix” frank. why do i hate kastle? because of fandom’s desire to show their ableism in wanting karen to “fix” frank of his ptsd and thinking that a relationship with the woman who gave him an ultimatum and manipulated him in order to act the way that she wanted him to is anywhere near “romantic”. volatile relationships built on past fear of the other and aiming a gun at the other is not a good foundation for any ship. since their meeting, they were known as being in love with other people, and they are currently in a space where they believe their loves are dead. why would someone’s first reaction be to ship them with each other? why would someone’s first reaction be to ship the man who regularly has nightmares and panic attacks about the death of his family and his wife with someone else when he is obviously still in mourning? why would someone’s first reaction be to ship the woman who was crying, sobbing as she attempted to keep him from doing what he wanted to, who was so afraid of him to the point that she held him at gunpoint? where does any of this set the foundations of a good ship?

and why would one ship it?

[xxred-rainxx]

So, to preface, this is sort of my own thoughts on the antis. I am possibly wrong, because people might dislike something for no reason (yes, that happens). The other thing is, that this is not assuming everyone is like this. I’m also not in a huge mood to do formal language, and am not going to edit this too much - so, apologies for any and all mistakes I may make.

So, before I get right into what goes through these peoples’ minds, a story. This is quite long winded (like 1,000 words all up).

So, here we go.

This particular story is of when I first joined Tumblr. I was probably thirteen or fourteen at the time (the blog is 4 years old, I think). I didn’t join many fandoms at that point, except for one. Naruto. For a long time, I was watching and reading both the anime and the manga (although it became only the manga - due to the bias the anime studio showed particular characters, but that’s another story for another time). I joined because of the interest I had in a ship - SasuSaku (Sasuke and Sakura). I will be referring to them mostly as SS, because I’m lazy. The ship itself involved a boy/teenager with a tortured and dark past, and a girl with a sort of easier life. Basically ying and yang, y’know. I’m really into that; shipping dark characters with literal rays of sunshine. I found that’s my sort of preference as I got further into other fandoms. One in particular is a sort of guilty pleasure, which you might see me reblog if you follow me… Anyways. Naruto is the story of these ninja who train to become stronger. Sasuke wants revenge. See, his brother slaughtered all of his family in one night, leaving only him. Throughout the original series, this is something that is swept to the side, mostly. Until the end. Sasuke decides to leave the village, as he feels he is not becoming powerful enough to exact revenge. Guess who meets him? Sakura. For whatever reason, she sensed he was leaving the village - and she was the last one to see him that night. After she tearfully states that she loves him, he knocks her out with the words “thank you”. Those particular words are important. As are the “even after all this time, you’re still annoying” (kinda like the “you’re nothing, but not to me”). Skip forward a few years, and Sasuke has changed. A lot. In the beginning of the sequel, he refused to kill people (unless they had to do with his revenge). By the middle, he was killing people easily. Like he didn’t care. That’s because he didn’t. He had found out the truth, and was wanting vengeance against his own village and everyone in it.

It gets to the point where he becomes an international criminal. He attacks the Kage summit (basically where all the leaders of the lands meet to discuss important topics), and starts a world war. Near the end of this arc, Sakura meets up with him - she says she wants to join him, and he challenges her on that fact. Telling her to kill someone. She hesitates, and he uses her hesitation to turn on her. She is saved by their teacher. She has another chance to kill Sasuke, but once more hesitates - thinking back onto his words from that night. The thank you. She couldn’t do it. She just… couldn’t. And he nearly kills her, much to everyone’s shock. Even Kakashi mentions that he has fallen so far - because he tried to kill Sakura.

The end of their story is well. She tearfully confesses to him again, and he says that she’s annoying again. He casts an illusion on her, and she falls ‘asleep’ for a while, so Sasuke and Naruto can fight it out. She wakes up, and heads to where the boys are and begins healing them. Sasuke ends up apologising, and he seems unsure for a moment before he relaxes. Later on, once he has healed, he goes on to start his redemption - she asks if she can go with him, which he politely says no to. He ends up thanking her again, and telling her he will see her again - which he obviously does, considering they end up conceiving a child.

So where am I going with this story? Well, you see, I still remember from ages ago the amount of cross tagging in the pro tag and the amount of filth thrown from the antis. We were called all sorts of things - homophobic (as the ship got in the way of a gay pairing) & abuse apologists (due to Sasuke trying to kill Sakura and vice versa).

The same argument is here, particularly with teh latter - they are enemies. Of course they will fight each-other. It’s the same for TFA and TLJ. Kylo Ren and Rey are enemies. Antis seem to use SJW fights, that don’t even really mean anything in the context they are using. Antis, as a whole, bring real world problems to fictional universes. Many relationships I ship, I would condone if they were real life relationships. Fiction though? What does it matter. Most stories end with a good ending, in terms of everyone being happy - a part from the enemy. Many people also thought Sasuke would die at the end of Naruto, yet did he? No. He is still a crucial part, even with the next generation. It will be the same with Kylo Ren, although I hope JJ Abrams ties it up a lot better than Kishimoto does.

Basically, what my entire point is - is that most antis adopt a SJW sort of stance on things. Using real life arguments to make themselves look like they have the moral high ground.

Yet, when it comes to the actual real life issues they seem to turn a blind eye. We see it with Rey, that she deserves Finn (although love is literally never about deserving?), and these same people will trample on Rose - a woman of colour. Abuse is a whole other thing again, thee same people will go around shouting abuse, even though Kylo Ren and Rey are enemies? Of course they are going to hurt each-other! Many shippers have also stated that their relationship, at this exact point, is unhealthy. That they want to see the characters ready for a healthy relationship. Finally, with the homophobia argument, it usually always has to do with a female character getting in the way of two male characters. Nearly all the time, the female character is heavily degraded and thrown under a bus. Treated like trash. It seems to be like this for most fandoms, and it is disgusting behaviour - fujoshis, we call them in the Naruto fandom. They go to such huge lengths to show that their ship is superior, sending death threats and asking others to commit suicide.

I know this is a bit sloppy, but it’s just my two cents on the fandom as a whole - in terms of the antis. I mean, the antis who keep to themselves are the real MVPs. They don’t go around attacking others, just politely stating they disagree. Then nothing else comes of it. Maybe discussions. Honestly, we shouldn’t think of all Annes as being the same (which I know we don’t), but it’s still interesting to see peoples’ individual personalities shine.

[maliciouslycreative]

created for @spnpolybingo Title: Player Three Is Now Connected Ship: Dean/Castiel/Michael Square: Retail Workers Rating: T Word Count: 2063 AO3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11242086 Tags: Alternate Universe: Retail, Video Games, Mass Effect, Polyamory, Humour, Awkwardness

------

Dean would be the first to admit that working at Final Encounter Gaming wasn’t how he’d planned to spent the last 5 years of his life. He’d certainly never intended to stay this long because honestly the pay was kinda shit and retail had a tendency to suck the life right out of you. Not to mention his boss, Zachariah, knew nothing about gaming except that there was a lot of money in it. So here Dean was, working a shit job for shit pay just because at this point Zachariah let him have pretty much free reign of the store.

So when Zachariah waltzed in on Tuesday morning Dean knew something was up. Zachariah never came in this early on a Tuesday. “Good morning, Dean-o!” Zachariah practically sung.

Dean plastered the biggest fake smile on his face that he could muster. “Good morning, boss.”

“So, I know you’re pretty good for staff right now but my nephew needed a job so he’s going to be starting this Friday. He only needs a couple shifts a week, so I’m sure you’ll have no issue working him into the schedule.

“That sounds great,” Dean lied through his teeth.

“Good to hear!” Zachariah clapped Dean on the shoulder then started heading to his office in the back. “I told him to come in while you were here Friday so you can show him the ropes.”

“Sounds great...” Dean made a disgusted face after Zachariah was out of view. This was a disaster. Every one of Zachariah’s family members that he’d given a job to were a nightmare to work with.

First had been Bartholomew. The guy had walked in like he owned the place and had expected Dean to do everything he asked. He’d known virtually nothing about video games and had been endlessly condescending to customers and employees alike. Dean had been ecstatic when Bartholomew had gotten into law school across the country.

Next had been Hael. She’d seemed OK at first but had quickly descended into an unholy terror. She’d hated how sexist and vulgar so many games were and wasn’t afraid to express her opinion on them. Dean totally agreed but he also really wanted to keep his job and scaring any and all of the customers away wasn’t the way to do it. She also had this super intense look in her eyes that screamed murder. He endured nearly six months of her murder glares and watching teenage boys leave the store in tears before she got a job with the IRA as a tax auditor.

Lastly there was Samadriel. Samandriel wasn’t a bad employee and really Dena liked the guy. He was smart and funny and, unlike Zachariah’s last two relatives, really loved video games. He was however extremely shy and horribly clumsy. Yah Dean was prone to doing awkward things when he got nervous but Samandriel had it down to an art form. He’d even managed to give Dean second hand embarrassment a couple of times. On at least three occasions Dena had to coax a sobbing Samandriel out of the bathroom with a chocolate bar. After four months he’d gotten a job at a software design company where he never had to deal with the public again.

So wen Friday rolled around Dean had his bar set pretty low for whoever this Castiel guy was. All Zachariah had told Dean was that Castiel was a good Catholic boy who was going to school to get a business degree. Honestly Dean was expecting a younger version of Zachariah himself.

“Umm, excuse me.” Someone said from the other side of the counter.

Dean jumped a little. He’d been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even heard anyone enter the store. Putting on his best retail smile Dean turned around and locked eyes with a drop dead gorgeous guy. He did a quick once over (dark sex hair, blue eyes, and holy shit was that a tattoo peeking out from under his left t-shirt sleeve?).

“Hi! How can I you to be helped. I mean I can help you. No. Fuck. Shit I mean...” Dean took a deep breath. “Welcome to Final Encounter, how may I help you today?”

The gorgeous guy chuckled and stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Castiel and I’m looking for...” he squinted at Dean’s name tag, “you apparently.”

Dean wanted to die. “I’m so sorry.” Dean took Castiel’s hand and shook it. “I’m not usually this much of a disaster. You’re not really what I was expecting.”

“Oh?” Castiel quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah. You don’t seem like an asshole and you’ve got a tatty and you’re like super hot.” Dean’s eyes widened as he realised what he’d said.

This however caused Castiel to throw back his head and let out a full bodied laugh. After he finished laughing he shot Dean a gummy smile. “I think we’re going to be to get along great, Dean.”

And boy did they get along. Castiel quickly became Dean’s favourite coworker. Sure Castiel’s video game knowledge was pretty limited since he’d only been able to play them since he moved away for college. He’d however listen with rapt attention whenever Dean would talk about various games. The two had even taken to getting together at least once a week for a few hours to play games together to help fill in the gaps of Castiel’s knowledge.

The only downside was the ever mounting sexual tension. For one Dean made a point of never fooling around with coworkers. It never ended well. For two Castiel wasn’t out to his family. He was very unashamedly gay but he didn’t want to make a fuss with his family until after he had graduated since his college was being paid for by his parents. So the two of them had settled on shamelessly flirting with each other. Though it had taken nearly all of Dean’s self control not to ravage him when Castiel had pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal an N7 tattoo.

That had been nearly three weeks ago and it was still driving Dean wild. It probably didn’t help that Castiel had just casually slapped his ass while walking by. Fuck, Dean was going to have to go out to find a lay because his right hand and mshenko fanficiton weren’t cutting it any more. Thank god they were like 10 minutes from closing.

The door swung open and someone entered the store. Dean had to swallow a sigh. He sure as shit didn’t want to deal with any last minute customers. Dean put on his best retail smile and turned around. “Hi, how can I help you tonight?” He felt so lucky that he didn’t look into those gorgeous green eyes until he was done saying his spiel because he definitely would have fucked it up. His hair was perfectly styled and, so help him, the guy was wearing a black wasitcoat over a dark grey dress shirt. This was not helping Dean’s boner situation.

“Hi, I was wondering if you could give me a game suggestion?” He shot Dean a million dollar smile and then very obviously looked Dean up and down.

“Uhh, sure,” Dean said, gripping the counter tightly.

“You see...” the guy leaned in closer and Dean got a whiff of his cologne. He smelled fucking divine. “I just love Mass effect. The story’s fantastic and I just love the characters. Especially Kaidan, you know? I just want a piece of that sexy Canadian beefcake.”

“Yeah,” Dean swallowed hard and tried to not look at the guy’s lips. Of course instead he made the mistake of locking eyes with the guy and holy shit he was giving him bedroom eyes. Fuck Dean was so weak. He was going to ask this guy out. He was so done with being professional. “Yah, Kaidan’s my favourite too. So how about we-”

“Michael?” Castiel was now standing next to Dean, hands on his hips, glaring at the guy across the counter. “What are you doing?”

“Well, you said Dean was absolutely adorable when he got flustered so I just had to come see for myself.”

Castiel let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re terrible.”

“But you love me.” Michael said.

Castiel’s face softened and he smiled. “I do.”

“What?” Dean croaked.

“Dean, this is my fiance, Michael.” Castiel gestured at Michael.

“What?!” Dean’s mouth fell open and he glanced between Michael and Castiel nervously. Shit fuck goddamn fucking shit how had he missed the fact that Castiel was engaged. ‘I should uhh...” Dean started inching towards the back room. “Just let you two do your thing or whatever. I’ll be back in a few!” Dean all but sprinted to the back.

When he got to the stock room he practically slammed the door shut. Goddamn he was so stupid. Of course a guy like Castiel had a fucking fiance!

Dean grabbed the broom near the door and began aggressively sweeping the floor because he needed something to do. He was on his second pass of the floor when the door swung open and Castiel entered. Dean froze like a raccoon that had just been caught digging through your trash at 3AM.

“Dean,” Castiel tried to being but Dean just waved him off.

“No, it’s cool. You got a fiance. It just surprised me is all. I’m so fucking sorry that I was so goddamn unprofessional and was always flirting. That was really uncool of me and-”

“Dean,” Castiel gently laid a hand on dean’s shoulder, “I’m the one who should be apologising”

“No man, really you-”

“No, Dean, listen-”

“Cas, it’s cool, we’re cool-”

“Dean! Just shut up and let me explain!” Castiel’s grip tightened slightly on Dean’s shoulder then he let out a little sigh, released Dean and stepped back.

Dean’s mouth snapped shut and he stared at Castiel in surprise. He’d never seen Castiel yell before.

“I didn’t tell you because… well I liked you, Dean. And I wanted to see if this could go somewhere.”

“So what, I was just gonna be your booty call? Your man on the side? And then you were gonna go home every night to Michael” Dean was practically yelling by the end, the pitch of his voice steadily rising with the volume.

Castiel sighed. “Of course not, that wouldn’t be fair to either of you. Look, Michael and I have been together on and off since we were 16. We love each other very deeply and we’re extremely honest with each other. I would never cheat on him. However we’re not entirely what most people would call a conventional couple. We have somehwat of an open relationship and we’re both polyamorous.”

Most of the anger Drained out of Dean as the information sank in. “And let me guess, most guys who find this out only want a quick threesome then they split.”

“Yah,” Castiel nodded.

“So you thought I wouldn’t be interested if I knew about Michael.”

“Essentially.” Castiel scrubbed a hand over his face. “Though now I see I handled this poorly.”

“We both kinda did...”

They stood in awkward silence for a moment until Dean let out a small sigh. “I would uhh… i’d stick around. You know. For like more than a threesome. I’ve been going nuts because I liked you so damn much but I didn’t want to get mixed up with a coworker. So I’ve been masturbating so fucking much...” Dean’s eyes widened at the realisation of what he just said.

Castiel smirked. “well, I think Michael and I have a solution to your masturbation problem. But first,” Castiel took the broom out of dean’s hands and set it against the wall. “We should finish closing up the store. Then Michael and I would like to take you out for dinner. Well OK I guess midnight Denny’s because I have no idea what else is even open that isn’t a bar or fast food.”

“I happen to really like Denny’s.” Dean grinned.

“Well then, it’s a date.” Castiel grinned back, took Dean by the hand, and led him towards the front of the store.

It was official, Castiel was the best coworker Dean had ever had. And, as he found out later that night, one of the two the best lovers. And, even later on, one of the two best boyfriends Dean could ever hope for.

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty One)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. soundtrack song: You and Me - Lifehouse full soundtrack: x words: 2,825 warnings: swears  a/n: i lov u all so here’s a nice happy fluffy christmas chapter :-)

all chapters: x

tags: @heythereitsloey​ @anitheunicorn​ @newyorkyoucanbeanew​ @lafbagxette​ @justafangirlwithanavy​ @iamgrayfox​ @ordinaryornate​ @schuylerjoon​ @angelica-peggy-eliza​ @trashyperson101​ @crazydragon15​ @but-if-you-had-to-choose​ @geespilots​ @marvelous-hamilfan​ @5p00kygh05t @panda-powers​ @and-maria @lafeyettegunsandships​ @schokoobananaa​ @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken​ @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships​ @aham-threw-his-shot-away​ @hesitantcat​ @nonstopspook​ @hamrevolution​ @writethewayout​ @passmethegoddamnball​ @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken​ @sun-tree​ @angelizaandpeggy​ @isis278​ @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars​

dedication: @l0vedoesntdiscriminate for the soundtrack rec and also everyone who sent me a kind message when i posted my lil coming out thing earlier tonight, u all made me V happy!!!!! :-))

“ALEX! JOHN! Santa came last night!”

John awoke with a start when Alexander’s bedroom door slammed open. When he registered that George had burst in grinning, he yanked the covers up to his chin and jumped away from Alexander, trying to hide the fact that neither of them were wearing a stitch of clothing. The pyjamas—a sweet gesture—had admittedly not served their purpose very long once they were in the comfort and privacy of Alexander's queen-sized bed with inviting flannel sheets.

Alexander, in comparison, was less than graceful at the sight of his father. His bare chest was exposed and at some point he’d kicked out one of his extremely pale, extremely bare legs, so it was displayed overtop of the covers.

“Dad, seriously?” Alexander sighed. George threw his hands in the air and backed out of the room in exasperation.

“Sorry! Sorry! Not like I’m shocked or anything, though…seriously. I mean, at least y’all aren’t in a goddamn hospital this time,” he muttered, closing the door behind him.

“Nice start to the day,” said John, amused now that his boyfriend’s father wasn’t looking at him naked.

“Sorry,” Alexander laughed. “He means well, I swear…hey—merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Lex.”

They dressed quickly and went downstairs to find George pouring out three mugs of coffee. John knew that the gesture was small; George probably didn't even give it a second thought. But still, he felt himself wanting to cry when he saw the third mug sitting on the counter. It was innocent, lifeless, unimportant. But it was his mug. It looked old and didn’t match with the other two; it was obviously rarely used. But today, it was his. And that was so important to him.

John stayed quiet while they all drank their coffee, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes as they sat around the kitchen table. He found himself subconsciously trying to stay small and as non-intrusive as possible—it was, after all, George and Alexander's Christmas. He didn't want to make anything feel different or out of place for them.

"Do y'all wanna open gifts?" George smiled, standing up and putting his empty coffee mug in the sink.

"Be right back!” John replied, standing up quickly and hopping into Alexander's room.

He opened his suitcase and pulled out a plastic shopping bag which read, "Thanks for visiting!" on it. Before John had boarded the train in South Carolina, he'd rushed into the gift shop and picked up a touristy bottle opener and a six-pack of beer, thinking vaguely of Alexander and George.

Descending the stairs, he saw his hosts waiting for him, curious smiles planted on their faces. Suddenly, John felt very nervous to hand them his cheap and pathetic token of gratitude. Somehow, the two people standing at the bottom of the stairs had become two of the only people that John could rely on. And his repayment was cheap beer and a plastic turtle-shaped bottle opener that said “Myrtle Beach” on it. If that wasn’t indicative of John’s hopelessness, he didn’t know what was.

“I—uh—got you this,” he mumbled, shoving the beer bottles in George’s surprised hands. Tossing Alexander the bottle opener, John shrugged and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry it’s not much…it was kinda short notice, ya know?”

Alexander grinned and turned the turtle over in his hands. “This is so cute. Look, Dad! I’m gonna call him Laurens.”

John raised an eyebrow in befuddled amusement—Alexander looked genuinely pleased with the shitty gift. He turned to George, who was reading the label on the back of one of the bottles.

“Thank you, John,” he said seriously. “I got wine for tonight, but I totally forgot to get beer. This is perfect.”

John bit his lip and locked eyes with George, who gave him a small smile and a nod. There was a lot of understanding in that militant nod—like he was reassuring a troop after a rough night that it had all been worth it. A job well done.

Spinning around, George padded over to the tree and picked up a stocking to hand to John, as well as passing Alexander his.

“Well,” he said. “Get opening! We don’t have all day! Knowing Aaorn, he could be here any minute.”

Alexander laughed—his father had a point. He and John sat down on the couch while George popped in a Christmas CD, lit the fireplace, and sat down across from them. John was grinning like a fool—he could feel his cheeks aching, but he couldn’t stop. He’d never opened a stocking before, but he always been excited by the concept—a giant sock filled with necessities like razors, deodorant, and pens—every college kid’s dream.

He all but tore it open, earning bemused glances from Alexander each time he gasped excitedly at something he pulled out. How Alexander’s father had managed to put an entire stocking together for him, he had no idea, but he was eternally grateful nonetheless. When he reached the bottom, he pulled out a forest green fleece pullover that had been ungracefully rolled into a messy ball.

“Alex told me you constantly reject the idea of buying a sweater,” George chuckled.

“He does!” Alexander piped up. “Says he refuses to succumb to the cold, or something like that.”

John beamed, imagining Alexander FaceTiming George and talking fondly about his idiotic warmth complex.

“If I buy a sweater,” John began, “then the cold has beaten me. I think this is a good compromise, though. Thank you!”

George laughed as Alexander kissed him on the cheek. John unrolled the sweater-ball and pulled it on over top of the old t-shirt he’d been wearing. He would have taken his shirt off and swapped the articles of clothing, but the last thing he wanted was the “you’re-both-way-too-comfortable-with-shirtless-John-so-obviously-you’re-fucking” look from Alexander’s dad. So he opted for bunchy layers.

“There are a couple more things for Alex to open, John—I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

John cut George off before he could even begin to think about what he was about to say.

“Please, don’t feel bad! This is your family Christmas. I’m perfectly content to watch y’all open up your gifts and pet my new sweater. Seriously, you’ve already done more than enough—Mr. Washington…Sir.”

“Ew,” Alexander exclaimed. “Don’t call my dad ‘sir!’ It’s just George. Or Papa George…or Dad. Right, Dad?”

George chuckled, crossing the room to hand Alexander a small package (which turned out to be a badly-wrapped pair of jeans).

“Call me whatever you want, John. I stopped being called ‘sir’ years ago.”

“Sir…” Alexander scoffed, holding up the jeans to test out the length against his legs.

“Fine,” John crooned to Alex when George got up to check on the breakfast. “I’ll just stick to calling you ‘sir’ in bed. How’s that?”

Alexander’s eyes grew wide as he sat back down. John smirked—he knew exactly why his boyfriend was holding the jeans tightly in his lap instead of adding them to his little gift pile.

“I heard that,” George muttered wearily over his shoulder.

John hid his very-red, very-warm face in his hands as Alexander doubled over, cackling.

It was a good morning.

George’s prediction had been almost right—Aaron showed up less than two hours later with the promise that his family would be there by three.

“Sorry I’m late,” he’d announced when George answered the door. No matter how many times they’d told Aaron that he didn’t have to knock, he insisted. They gave up years ago.

When he got there, Alexander and John were intertwined on the carpet in front of the fireplace, huddled around their phones. They were deep in the throes of their group chat, giggling at a message they’d just received. Aaron smiled and sat down to talk to George, leaving Alexander to live in his little John bubble awhile longer.

“How is he today?” Aaron murmured, glancing at John. “He was a mess the other night. I mean, a mess. He didn’t speak once.”

George nodded absently, watching his son and his boyfriend as they snorted at something on the screen. “He seems totally fine…which kinda worries me. I barely even know what happened.”

“I don’t even think John barely knows what happened,” Aaron replied.

“Dad,” Alexander called. “What time is it in France right now?”

“Around six, I think,” George called, counting forward in his head. “Why?”

“We might Skype with Laf later. Didn’t wanna call if he’s eating dinner.”

“Oh, please,” John scoffed. “He’s probably on his seventh glass of wine by now, eating cheese dipped in cheese fondue. There’s no way he’s eating dinner yet. He once told me that he doesn’t eat dinner till ten o’clock at night.”

Alexander laughed and rolled his eyes, sending a message to their friends.

Alex: Laf, John thinks you’re eating cheese dipped in cheese fondue

…

Laf: He’s only half-wrong.

Lafayette sent a selfie of him holding a piece of cheese in between two fingers, a glass of red wine balanced dangerously in the same hand.

Herc: god, I miss you…

John: THAT’S DISGUSTING, STOPPPP

Laf: Oh, shut your cheese-hole, John. At least you and Alex get to hang out on Christmas. I’m ACROSS THE GODDAMN SEA. My poor Herc, I will see you soon, my love

Alexander sent the barfing emoji then clicked his phone off and stood up to say hello to Aaron.

“So who’s all coming tonight?” John asked, eyeing the enormous turkey that George was preparing for the oven.

George, Alexander, and Aaron exchanged a bemused glance, then all burst out laughing.

“Everyone,” Alexander said.

He wasn’t wrong. By four, the modest house was full to bursting with people. John lost Alexander in the sea of people numerous times, but found him hiding from Charles in the bathroom more than once.

“He’s exhausting,” Alexander said dramatically.

“I mean…he’s not that bad,” John replied slowly.

Alexander and Aaron glared at him as if he’d just drowned each of their firstborns.

“He is that bad,” Aaron said. “He makes me wanna sleep for ten years.”

“Lex?” came a voice from the hallway.

“Charles,” Alexander and Aaron snarled at the same time.

Luckily, it was fairly easy to avoid Charles and other uncomfortable situations, such as the questions about who John was and where the hell he came from, because it was just so busy in the house. Every once in awhile George would ask for Alexander’s help with dinner, and it would telephone through the crowd until he got the message. He pulled John through the people—stopped for hugs and kisses and “how’s school!”s on the way—and breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped into the roomy kitchen.

“Can you mash the potatoes?” George asked, wiping off the sweat that was beading on his forehead as he opened the oven to check the turkey. “About twenty more minutes.”

John pulled out his phone, which had just vibrated, and read the message which lit the screen.

Laf: still want to facetime? My family is gone. It’s midnight here.

John: Give me two minutes.

“Lex, while you do this is it alright if I go FaceTime with Laf for a few minutes before dinner? You can come get me when it’s ready…it’s just that I don’t really know anyone…”

“Yeah, of course! Tell him I said hi.”

John took off for Alexander’s room, keeping his head down until he got upstairs where it was mercifully quiet and he could hear himself thinking. As he passed down the hallway, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

He looked tired. The bags under his eyes were so dark that they looked like bruises, and his bun had scraggly hairs sticking out at every angle. His jeans had a rip in one knee, but they’d been the only ones he could find when he rushed to leave his house the other day…

The other day. When John thought about it, he had no idea how he was holding himself up on his own two feet, because surely he should have been unable to move. He should have been paralyzed with worry and fear and anxiety. But he was fine. Was he? And if so, how? What was it that was holding him together?

As he scanned his reflection, the pullover that he still wore brought him back to the present. That’s what was holding him together. The sweater, the house, the stocking, the dinner, everything. All of this. He was a shattered piece of pottery, held together by Alexander, who taped him and patched him up until he was alright again. Not better, but alright.

John’s thoughts were interrupted by his ringtone, which told him that Laf was calling.

“Hey,” John smiled, watching his best friend tug his hair out of its ponytail. It poofed out in all directions, which made John laugh.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS,” Laf yelled excitedly. “Are you having a good day? Hey—are you wearing a sweater?”

John told Laf about his Christmas morning, including the sweater, and then listened to Laf’s Christmas adventures (which concluded with a crate of empty wine bottles). He was still a bit buzzed from what John could tell.

“I’m happy you’re with Alex,” Lafayette said with a small smile. “I hated the thought of you home alone with that—that asshole you call a father. I hate to ask, mon ami, and ruin your mood, but what are you going to do? I mean—are you going to be able to come back to school?”

John hadn’t thought about that—his father had broken multiple ribs, his brother was surely headed back home, and his father would obviously be facing countless dollars worth of charges, if not a lawsuit from the family of the poor girl who was killed. And that was before they even began to think about hospital bills.

“Oh my god,” John whispered. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

He felt his heart rate quicken significantly as he watched Laf’s eyes widen frantically through the screen. “John, I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Shit. Are you okay? Don’t worry about that right now, I—Alex? Alex! Help your boy!”

Alexander had gone upstairs just in time to hear Laf say those fateful words to John, so he burst into the room to save the day. He took John’s phone from his now-shaking hands and sat him down on the bed, shooting Lafayette a glare through the phone screen.

“John,” Alexander said firmly. “John. It’s okay. It’s okay. None of this is your fault and you’re not going to have to deal with it, okay? If you don’t want this to be your problem, it doesn’t have to be your problem. Got it? If you want to be, you’re free.”

John took a deep breath and looked into Alexander’s wide, caring eyes. He nodded, feeling a bit more calm.

“Sorry,” Lafayette began before Alexander cut him off.

“I thought we had today, Laf?”

“Well, heh, it’s technically December 26th for me…”

His voice faded into silence at Alexander’s glare.

“Enjoy your dinner,” he said quickly before hitting the end button and disconnecting the video call.

Alexander couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at their friend. He was an absolute whirlwind sometimes. He looked over at John, who seemed to be studying a particular fluff that was stuck to his leg.

“Everything is going to work out,” Alexander said softly. “Dinner’s ready, by the way. Everyone’s waiting for us.”

John nodded, standing up. He was determined to enjoy the rest of his day. Alexander did have a point, too—none of this was his fault. He didn’t ask for his father to be an asshole. He didn’t ask to be literally driven out of his home on Christmas. He didn’t ask for any of this.

They linked their fingers together and turned Alexander’s light off as they left the room. When they got to the top of the stairs, Alexander stopped walking. Before John could ask why, he spun him around and kissed him hard. John melted when their lips touched…he laser-focused on that moment and shoved all other thoughts to the side. Alexander smiled when he broke the contact, but he couldn’t hide the look of mild pain in his eyes.

“Did that hurt your jaw, Lex?” John asked, referring to the still-healing fracture.

Alexander nodded.

“Well, then why did you do it?”

“You looked like you needed it,” Alexander shrugged.

So, yeah, he didn't ask for his shitty life. Most of all, though, he didn't ask for his boyfriend. Because Alexander Hamilton was more than John could have ever dared to hope for.