#ttfou

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (EPILOGUE)

Words: 2,569

Author’s note: It took me weeks (months?) to get this right. I got so attached to my TTFOU characters that I had to make sure they had the right sendoff. I ended up loving this story. I loved writing it, I loved reading your comments (don’t think for a second that I didn’t read EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. I did. And they ALL made me smile), and I love that you guys loved it so much. Seriously I can’t thank you all enough for letting me share this with you and for supporting me. I don’t wanna get long and sappy so I’ll leave it here. Also, I’m sorry for the wait, but I really hope you enjoy it now that it’s here!

Tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers@lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook@hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr@angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars@hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz@skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms@hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl@pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles@ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997@sinmineral @esmeraldablazingsky @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever–bored @imdiggingdaveed @skittle-geek

Now, without further adieu, the TTFOU epilogue!!

There's comfort in familiarity. That was why when they turned onto the familiar street with the familiar lampposts and the familiar trees John literally squealed with delight despite the snow which fell softly onto the windshield.

Alexander raised an eyebrow at his husband. Normally in the presence of snow, John would be at least a little grumpy.

"Whaddaya want, I'm excited! Can I live?"

Chuckling, Alexander turned his eyes back to the road and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was excited too, though he had the ability to control it a bit better so as not to wake the sleeping figure in the backseat.

They were less than three minutes from his father, who he hadn't seen in months. Despite their best efforts to get back to his home state of Virginia, their lives were so hectic that they simply couldn't find the time. Not to mention the trek from South Carolina with a new baby had been rough at best.

"Y'know," Alexander said, catching John's eye in the rearview mirror. "You don't have to sit in the backseat with him every time we get in the car."

"He's more fun than you," John teased from beside the car seat. "All you do when you drive is stare at the road in silence."

"Only because I don't want him to wake up! You know how hard it is to get that boy to sleep!?"

John shrugged and looked down to his right. He had a valid point.

Alexander swung the new SUV gently into the driveway of the old house and parked behind the old car that his father refused to replace. Turning the car off, he turned in his seat to smile at his little family.

"Philip," John said softly, brushing the fluffs of hair on his son's tiny head. "Time to wake up, lil buddy. We're here."

"To meet your grandpa!" Alex chimed in.

He pocketed the key and opened the back door for John, who was unbuckling the car seat.

"I hate this thing," he murmured, giving up in favour of picking up Philip alone. "Why do they make them so difficult? We can come back for the carrier later. I can't do this anymore."

Laughing, Alexander offered a hand to John and hiked the diaper bag onto his shoulder.

"C'mon," he said. "My dad is probably quivering with excitement right now. After we fell asleep last night, I missed four calls from hi—"

He was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and his father jumping off the porch to greet them.

"ALEX!" George pulled his son into a tight hug, pulling the bag off his shoulder and plopping it on the ground in the process. "How was the drive? How are y'all? And how is my grandbaby!?"

"Tired." John pulled Philip away from his chest and smiled down at him. He knew this would probably be the last time he got to hold him for the entire summer because of his father-in-law.

Philip's sleepy gaze focused on John and he blinked as his little mouth opened in a yawn.

"Let's go inside," Alex prompted, picking up the bag again. "He's probably freezing."

George led the way into the house and sat down in the living room, arms outstretched. "Okay," he said. "Let me hold my boy!"

"I thought I was your boy," Alexander said as John laughed, gently handing Philip to George.

"Not anymore, kid," George deadpanned without taking his eyes off of Philip. He stared at him in stunned amazement, watching as Philip's wide, wondering eyes scanned his new surroundings.

Alexander was forced to play host and find drinks and snacks for everyone because George was too entranced with Philip to do anything else. They chatted easily about their new life with Philip for awhile until John curled up beside Alex in their usual spot in the couch and fell asleep.

"Is he okay?" George chuckled. "He's usually up later than both of us."

"We haven't gotten much sleep with the little man around." Alex held out a finger for Philip to grasp and wiggled it around in his hand. "Did you know babies suck at sleeping?"

George smiled. "No, I didn't actually. But I know you sucked at sleeping until you were nine. Why don't you guys go take a nap?"

"Are you sure? You'll be okay with Philip? I can set up his swing. If the worst comes to worst, just put him in there and he'll fall right asleep. There's an extra bottle in—"

"Alex. I'm fine! Philip and I have got this. Go. To. Sleep."

Alexander gently woke up John, who jumped up muttering incoherently about if Philip was alright and that, wow, it was already morning. Alex was willing to bet that John didn't even open his eyes as he led him upstairs to his old bed.

"Where's...Philip?" John muttered, his sentence interrupted with a yawn.

"Go to sleep, John."

Alexander pulled the blankets down and crawled after John into his bed where the two of them promptly fell asleep within seconds.

I look beside me and catch John's eye, crinkled and bright with happiness. We are alone in a room, waiting for the agent to return to her office. Today is the day. We are going home with our baby.

John is twisting the silver ring on his left hand anxiously. He is nervous that something is going to go wrong again.

I understand.

"It's going to be fine," I say, reassuring myself as much as John. She will be back at any moment. Any moment...

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

JOHN LAURENS-HAMILTON

Two signatures. A satisfied nod. Smiles. Laughter. Crying. We made it. He is ours...

The drive home. John insists on sitting in the back seat of the car with Philip, our son.

Our son.

John is still crying tears of joy. So am I. We talk to Philip on the drive, telling him about our home.

His home.

We are almost there. One more street, one more turn, one more minute...

"Where's Philip?"

John's question makes no sense. He's right beside him.

"Lex, where is Philip?"

I knit my eyebrows together in confusion and glance in the rearview mirror. The car seat is empty.

Suddenly, I'm frantic. Where did he go? Why is he gone?

"Alex, WHERE IS PHILIP?"

Alexander's eyes flung open as he wiped beads of sweat from his temple. John was hovering over him looking worried.

"Where's Philip?" John repeated, lips pressed softly to Alexander’s ear.

John’s arms were wrapped around his husband as he whispered through the darkness. Though Alexander’s heart was still pounding from his dream, he registered how at peace he was.

"Jesus fuck, John," Alexander breathed. "You damn near gave me a heart attack.

"Alexander!"

Alex rose an eyebrow questioningly.

"I told you to stop swearing with Philip around! He's slowly gonna catch on until the only words that come out of his mouth are—" John leaned in closer and dropped his voice to a whisper— "fuck, shit, and damn. Is that what you want? Huh?”

Alexander rolled his eyes, though he couldn't help but suppress a grin. "Jesus, Laurens, he’s four weeks old and an entire floor away. I think we're safe."

"Still..." John said dramatically. "Anyways, what time is it? I feel like we've been sleeping for—"

"Holy shit, three hours!" Alexander said, showing John his watch. "Three. Hours. Herc and Laf are probably here already."

“They’re gonna kill us." John bit back a yawn and pulled Alexander up. "Let's go."

Alex had been right—as soon as they left his room they could hear familiar, muffled voices from below them.

John's face lit up at the sound of his best friend. He pulled Alexander after him quickly enough that they almost fell down the stairs.

Hercules and Lafayette had just gotten back from spending a year with Laf's family in France so they hadn't all been together for ages, aside from the occasional video chat. John was at the point where he mentioned how much he missed Laf almost every day. They were planning on spending the rest of the summer at George's house, just like they all used to during university. There were a couple of small differences these days, however; namely Philip and Marie, Herc and Laf's five year old daughter.

The muffled speech stopped when they heard footsteps on the stairs, and when Alex and John got into the living room, all hell seemed to break loose. Lafayette's voice emerged victorious when he yelled, "JOHN!" in a bloodcurdling squeal and John sprinted across the room, falling into his arms a teary-eyed mess.

"Never leave me again, bitch" John muttered into Lafayette's chest. "I had no one to complain to about Lex for fourteen months, Laf. It was hell."

Alex smacked his husband on the shoulder before pulling his old roommate into a tight hug.

"How was France, Herc? We missed you guys so much.”

Hercules grinned, stepping back from Alex so they could watch Laf engage in tradition—planting a wet, sloppy kiss on John’s lips, much to his dismay. "I'm pretty sure Marie and Laf are conspiring against me because they only ever converse in French anymore. But aside from that, it was incredible. I wasn't sure Laf was going to let us leave, to be honest."

"Uncle John?" said a small, clear voice from below.

"Hey, Marie," John smiled, kneeling down and taking the little girl's hands. "How are you doing?"

“What does that word that you said mean?" she asked innocently.

“What word, my love?”

“Bitch.”

Alex snorted into his hand and doubled over laughing as John's face drained of colour and Lafayette stared at him furiously.

"John Laurens-Hamilton. We have been home for one day. One. Day. Thank you very much, my friend." Laf bent down to address his daughter. "That's an adult word, my Marie. It's unnecessary to say, so we don't say it. Uncle John said a bad word, understand?"

"Oui, Papa. Il est un mauvais oncle."

It was Lafayette's turn to stifle his laughter.

"Anyways," Alexander insisted, ignoring John's glare at Laf. "How was the drive? Sorry we slept through you guys getting here."

Hercules shrugged. "Our flight landed yesterday morning, so we spent the night at home then left earlier today. We would have been here sooner if this one hadn't bought Marie a large coke at the gas station. We were stopping for pee breaks every twenty minutes."

Laughing, Alexander returned to his spot on the couch and took Philip back from his father, who looked like he hadn't moved since they went to bed.

Marie wandered over and tapped Alexander on the knee.

"May I hold baby Philip?"

"Oui," Alexander grinned, patting the empty spot next to him. She scrambled up—with Herc's help—and outstretched her arms, looking comically similar to how George looked earlier. When Alexander positioned Philip on Marie's lap, her entire face lit up as he looked at her with wide eyes.

"He's beautiful, Alex," Laf said as he joined Marie on the couch, gently brushing a finger along Philip's nose.

"Can we keep him, daddy? I want a baby brother," Marie said to Hercules, whose eyes grew wide.

"I—uh—I think it's going to be a few years before we look at getting you a baby brother, okay, honey?"

Marie stuck out her bottom lip and nodded, leaning down to kiss Philip's forehead.

"I'm going to go play now. You can have your baby back, Uncle Lex."

"No, no, no," Laf said, wiggling a finger at his daughter. "It's my turn! This is the first time he’s been away from George since we got here.”

“Since we got here,” John corrected, taking a seat on the floor next to Marie.

Laf picked up Philip and cooed incoherently at the poor child, who Alex could tell just wanted to sleep. Today was Philip's first day around people other than he and John, and though Alexander hid it well, he was feeling anxious about everything.

"Hey, Laf?" Alexander said quietly.

Laf raised his eyebrows, barely looking away from Philip.

"When did you feel like you knew what the hell you were doing with Marie?"

Lafayette chuckled, turning his full attention to Alexander.

"Let me tell you a secret, my friend," he said. "You literally never will. We're still making things up as we go. Like, when we went to France, we had no idea if that would be best for her. I mean, it was—we ended up loving it—but still. You never, ever know. You just do what feels right until they grow up and start making their own screwed up decisions. Like, for example...going to college and getting in the middle of a revenge fuck-fest with your boyfriend-and-eventual-husband."

Alexander laughed at the jab. The best part about Hercules and Lafayette was that no matter how long they went without talking or seeing one another, when they reconnected it was as if no time passed at all.

“John,” George said, standing up. “Do you want to help me bring out snacks and drinks?”

John nodded and followed George into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he looked down at the familiar linoleum floor and smiled.

“Hey, George?”

Humming in response, George continued to dig through a cupboard in search of a bag of chips.

“Thank you. For everything.”

At this, George stopped and turned to look at his son-in-law.

“It’s no trouble, John, really. You know you guys are always welcome h—”

“No,” John interjected. “I mean, thank you for everything. I mean, the people in this house are the only family I have—especially you. I seriously doubt I would have made it through college without you, and I’ve never told you that. So just…thank you.”

You know those really good hugs? The ones that are warm and strong and make you feel like crying because you feel so loved and so safe? Those were the types of hugs George gave. He held on until John’s breath hitched in his throat and he had to cough to stop himself from tearing up.

John cleared his throat gruffly and opened a cupboard.

“What do you have to drink?”

“Here.” George handed John a bowl of chips. “Bring these out. I’ll grab drinks.”

John put the bowl on the coffee table and sat next to Alexander, who was squished between Laf and Herc, laughing about something on the couch. Philip was laying on his play mat and Marie had pulled out a box of weathered, old Lego from Alex’s childhood.

A few minutes later, George emerged with two mugs in his left hand and three in his right.

“I made hot chocolate,” he said. “Extra marshmallows for Marie.”

“Just what she needs,” Hercules groaned, though Laf was smiling.

As soon as George set the drinks down on the table, everyone reached for their respective mugs.

Alexander caught John’s eye and grinned in the direction of his father, who had sat down on the floor to pick up his grandson and make funny faces to dazzle him.

John leaned in close and pressed his lips to his husband’s ear. “I love you so much, Lex.”

Wordlessly, Alexander slipped his hand into John’s and laced their fingers together, squeezing his palm.

He didn’t have to say anything.

[bscotchcandles]

heCk here are some sketches preparing me to draw a scene from chapter fifteen of “To the Four of Us”, @dvddggs fanfiction. they aren’t that great, but hopefully i’ll get the final thing done soon.

[jacinderblocks]

Drew a scene from @dvddggs wonderful TTFOU! It’s not the best but hey I tried. (Also color? What’s that?)

[puns-and-fics-has-moved]

I love mtb so much! I was wondering if there are any other long Hamilton fics you could recommend?

uuuum yESS!

definitely check out CYMFH by @jamiiton (aka the fic that made me want to start writing again)

and also TTFOU by @dvddggs is an amazing read

[howardent]

how do u know whats up in ttfou

@dvddggs asked for my genius opinion a while ago :))))

[iamgrayfox]

((ignore the background))  this is supposed to be when john sees alex down the isle I ‘M crY IN TTFOU WAS reelaly gooD  @dvddggs

[cat-cooties]

So as you all know I’m super into @dvddggs lil series called TTFOU and buddy ol pal let me tell you these two right here kill me. And now knowing how different their styles are like I don’t know why but I find it so damn cute so I had to doodle something. So have two gay boys who I am to emotionally attached to!! (ALSO GO CHECK OUT THE SERIES YOU W I L L N O T BE DISSAPPOINTED!!!!)

[imdiggingdaveed-blog]

Im rereading TTFOU and it's so amazing. I'm such a proud father @dvddggs

[dvddggs]

happy update!!!

GUYS IM MAKING HELLA PROGRESS ON THE TTFOU EPILOGUE IT MIGHT BE UP TONIGHT!!!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!

[darlyce]

@dvddggs Finished it! I love Ttfou and decided to draw them to celebrate. Sorry if quality is bad and coloring probably ruined it but I had fun! From left to right, Alex, Lafayette, John "don't put the couples together or it'll look like a double date" Laurens, and Herc! @its-the-hamfam you might like this too?

~ Dean <3

[canadianfruitpunch]

yall @dvddggs is killing me and my ships but i love it so much

[cat-cooties]

So this was originally just going to be doodles of my and my partner but then i read @dvddggs new chapter to TTFOU and drew daddy George coming in to excited and some lams. Boi let me tell yea i really love this fic seriously GO READ IT !! (I swear i will actually draw something besides doodles and actually draw legit fanart because this fic is super good like wtf)

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty Nine)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. words: 2,213 warnings: nothing besides some swears all chapters: x tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral @esmeraldablazingsky @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever--bored @imdiggingdaveed a/n: chapter 30 is the epilogue, so this is the last actual chapter of ttfou and i teared up when i wrote the last line dedication: every single person who’s ever liked, reblogged, or sent me a message about TTFOU. I am so lucky and so touched that so many people have enjoyed my story. It’s truly been a pleasure writing this and I can’t wait for you all to see what the boys get up to in the future (so stay tuned for the epilogue)!!! but for now, I hope you enjoy the end of TTFOU. Please let me know what you think. Again, thank you all so, so much. <3

The weather was unseasonably warm for early March.

The intoxicating smell of spring was in the air and everyone on campus was in a weirdly good mood despite being in the midst of midterm season.

Ignoring Alexander’s warning that it was going to get cold again, John had dug down to the bottom of his drawer for the three pairs of shorts he'd packed from home, and was now rotating through them day by day. Every morning on their walk to breakfast, his entire body would be shivering so hard that his teeth would chatter, but he still refused to admit that he was cold. By midday, however, the sun beaming down and warming the air was enough to convince Alexander, Lafayette, and Hercules that John may have been onto something.

“Just admit it,” John said. The four of them were walking aimlessly around campus one Saturday to avoid studying. “You wish you were wearing shorts.”

The other three rolled their eyes, though they were all smiling.

“John.” Lafayette tugged his roommate’s ponytail, making him stop in his tracks and turn around. “You will never, ever catch me wearing shorts. Nothing about these legs looks good in shorts.”

John snickered as Hercules took Lafayette’s hand in his and muttered, “I bet this ass looks nice in shorts, though.”

“OH MY GOD, YOU’RE BOTH DISGUSTING, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

John and Alexander’s simultaneous screech made their friends crack up. No matter how long Herc and Laf were together, they were pretty sure that John and Alex would never get used to it.

“I literally want to throw up,” Alexander muttered bitterly, taking John’s hand and speeding ahead of the group.

Lafayette rolled his eyes, reaching upward to peck Hercules on the lips.

“Our friends are five years old,” Hercules remarked as he threw an arm around Laf’s shoulders happily.

John and Laf’s room was almost always unoccupied these days. Ever since John last saw his mom, he’d been quite opposed to going out and partying so the guys had made it a nightly tradition to gather on Alexander’s bed and watch movies, do homework, or hang out. Almost every night, the four of them passed out there—a messy pile of limbs—even though the bed was hardly big enough for Alexander alone. By the middle of the night, Herc would usually have been pushed onto the floor, after which he’d adjust his friends’ blankets, pick up Laf, who would yawn and sleepily kiss his neck, and they would return to his own bed for the rest of the night.

John still had nightmares every once in awhile. It was always the same one—the car crash. Despite his efforts to not wake Alexander with his heavy breathing, he always jumped up and pulled John into a tight hug, stroking his hair until he felt his heart rate return to normal.

They had decided, based on Laf’s advice, that they needed to communicate better which was why, one afternoon, John entered Alexander’s room to find him searching through his suitcase.

“I can’t find it,” he murmured frantically. “Where is it? Where the fuck is it? Oh god—”

“Are you okay, Lex?” John tapped him on the shoulder. “What are you looking for?”

Alexander didn’t avert his attention from the depths of his suitcase. He shook his head vaguely and continued to mutter. John stepped back in surprise as Alex began rifling through the pockets of his pants then tossing them over his shoulder.

“FUCK!”

“Alexander! What—are—you—looking—for?!” John tapped him gently on the head between each word.

“Trying to…communicate—with you—fuck—John where’s my phone? I need—call my dad…John!”

Before Alexander had finished his broken phrase, John had already pulled out his phone and was dialling Alexander’s father’s number, which he’d saved during the winter break.

“John? Is everything okay? Did Alex break his jaw again?”

Despite being worried about Alexander’s odd behaviour, John couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, sir. I just have a question for you.” He looked down at Alexander, who was now crawling across the floor to double-check his pockets. “Is there something Lex could be looking for? Like, something small that could fit in his pocket? I think your son is broken.”

Realizing who John was talking to, Alexander stood up, snatched the phone, and began speaking rapidly.

“Dad—have you seen my note? I wanted to show John but now I can’t find it and I’m scared it fell out of my pocket or got lost during the flight or something, I need it, is it at home? Can you look for it? Seriously, Dad, I need it.”

His voice broke before his father’s booming voice cut through the phone speaker. John furrowed his brow in confusion—he had no idea what was going on.

“Alexander,” George said firmly. “Breathe. I noticed that you forgot it when you were packing, so I packed it for you. It’s folded in the first page of your passport.”

John could see the relief flooding Alexander’s face as he unlocked the safe under his desk and pulled out a small piece of paper.

“Thank you,” Alexander whispered. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love ya too, kiddo. Talk to you later.”

Alexander hung up the phone and handed it back to John with an apologetic smile.

“What the hell was that all about? All for that—what is it?—a napkin?”

Wordlessly, Alexander extended his hand and gave the note to John. He turned it over gently in his fingers, meeting Alexander’s gaze. He could tell that it was old—the paper was soft and worn down with ripped edges, and it was somewhat discoloured.

Carefully, as if he was afraid of ripping it, John unfolded the note and saw five simple words scribbled in red crayon.

I love you, Lexie. - Mom

The penmanship was shaky and over time the crayon wax had faded so that it was barely legible. The napkin had been folded and unfolded so many times over the years that it had begun tearing at the folds.

“From your mom,” John whispered.

Alexander nodded, smiling sadly.

“It’s all I’ve got left of her.” He took the note from John’s hands and gazed at it lovingly. “Thought it was gone. I’m trying to take Laf’s advice. Y’know, communication and all that jazz.”

Alexander’s behaviour suddenly made sense to John and he felt bad for thinking he was acting erratically.

“She would have liked you,” Alexander continued, folding the note back up and tucking it in the pocket of his jeans. “She would have approved.”

John chuckled, wrapping an arm tightly around Alexander’s shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alexander murmured.

The rest of the year seemed to fly by. Before any of the guys could believe it, it was exam season, which no one besides Alexander was particularly concerned with.

Despite John’s countless requests-turned-begging for Alexander to take a break, Alex refused to let up until his exams finished. John, on the other hand, was thinking only of where he could go during the summer.

Now that the end of the semester was looming closer and closer every day, the realization that he was essentially homeless began to dawn on him. Sure, he had his father’s house, but it was the last place that he wanted to be by himself. The dented walls and fridge filled with beer was going to be a dim reminder of the year he’d had.

Once Alexander’s exams finished, his focus shifted back to his friends, but he couldn’t figure out why John had been distant. A week earlier he hadn’t cared about anything but spending time with Alex. Now that he was free, however, John had all but fallen off the face of the earth. They still texted regularly, but the only time they hung out was during meals and in the evening with Hercules and Lafayette.

“You, my friend, are still shit at communicating,” Laf deadpanned one day after one of Alexander’s venting sessions. “Despite what I fear are your best efforts.”

John had been locked in his room studying all day, something he usually preferred to do in a group. (It was easier to procrastinate that way).

“What do you mean?”

“Dude.” Hercules smacked Alexander on the arm. “Don’t be stupid. He’s waiting for you to invite him to stay with you for the summer. Well, I dunno if he’s waiting for that specifically, but he needs to hear something. He obviously has no idea where he’s gonna go, and he only has a week to figure it out. That’s probably what he’s been doing all week.”

“Oui. Last night I heard him talking to his brother on the phone. He was asking if he could stay with him for awhile.”

Alexander’s mouth fell open. “That’s what he’s worried about?”

Lafayette nodded smugly, not bothering to hide his dramatic eye-roll.

“He has nowhere to go, Alex,” he said as Alexander pulled out his phone.

Alex: John.

Alex: John.

Alex: JOHN!!!

John: john can’t talk right now. he’s studying. leave a message.

Alex: Ugh you’re so annoying. can i come down to your room? Study break.

John: fine. five minutes, but you owe me.

John: if you know what i mean

Alex: you horny bastard.

Alexander shoved his phone in his pocket and slipped his shoes on. He took the stairs down to John’s floor two at a time, jumping at the prospect of having something to do. His father wasn’t picking him up until the end of the week and without schoolwork to keep him busy, Alexander was mind-numbingly bored all the time.

“John!!” Alexander burst into his boyfriend’s room grinning ear to ear. He threw his hands in the air in greeting.

John couldn’t help but smile at the grand entrance. He shut the textbook that was on his desk and spun around in his chair to face Alexander.

“What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was wrong?!” John raised an eyebrow in confusion. “About this summer!”

“Lex, I have no idea what you’re—”

“Of course you’re coming to stay with me! I thought it was a given—that’s why I didn't say anything!”

The confusion on John’s face turned to relief mingled with elation at the thought of spending every night in that comfortable bed with Alexander. His grin mirrored his boyfriend’s as he jumped out of his chair excitedly.

“Really?!” he asked.

“My dearest Laurens,” Alexander replied, closing his eyes dramatically. “You are mine for the next four months. And there is nothing—I repeat, nothing—you can do about it.”

It was settled. At the end of the week, Alexander, John, Hercules, and Lafayette were sitting on the curb, watching as George pulled up in the old car. He rolled down the window and waved at them all.

“Well—” Alexander began. He and John turned to face their two best friends in the entire world, who were smiling down at them.

“Y’all’re still coming down in August, right?” John smacked himself in the forehead at the subconscious use of his southern slang. “Fuck. It’s already starting. Fuck. Just seeing your dad makes my accent come out. By the end of summer I’m going to be a cowboy. Fuck.”

Everyone laughed as John huffed and lifted his suitcase to shove in the trunk.

“When Laf comes back to New York we’re going to drive down,” Hercules reassured Alex. “I’m gonna miss you, Lex.”

Alexander smiled, thinking about the loud, rowdy roommate named after the demigod who he met at the beginning of the year.

“It’s gonna be weird not waking you up at eight AM on Monday mornings,” Alexander grinned.

Nodding in agreement, Hercules pulled him into a tight hug.

“Oh my god,” Laf screeched. “Stop it! You’re going to make me cry. I love you, Alex. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go keep with tradition and smooch my John goodbye.”

Alex and Herc watched as Lafayette grabbed John by the shoulders and spun him around, smashing their lips together. John’s eyes flung wide open in surprise, and they watched his brow furrow in horror as he realized what was going on.

From where they stood, John spluttered silently as Laf smiled contently and hugged his roommate tightly. Finally, John chuckled and wrapped his arms around Laf in return.

“They’re so ridiculous,” Herc murmured, Alexander nodding in agreement.

“You guys ready to go?” George asked, stepping out of the car to hug Alexander hello.

Alexander and John nodded, waving goodbye to their friends one more time and climbing into the car.

“Have a safe flight home, Laf!” John called out the window.

“Goodbye, my loves! Until we meet again!” they heard Laf yell back.

Leaning back against the seat, John sighed and rolled his window up. He closed his eyes and let the sound of Alexander and his father quietly discussing exams lull him into a dreamless and peaceful sleep.

He’d made it.

Somehow, he’d made it through both the best and worst year of his life.

He could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light was the fluffy pillows on Alexander’s bed.

He was going home.

[dvddggs]

so i doubt if anyone's awake but here's a lil preview of ttfou 29!!!!

[dvddggs]

Valentine (A TTFOU One Shot)

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT connected whatsoever to the current timeline of TTFOU, it’s just a fluffly little drabble to break up the angst and to celebrate Valentine’s Day! And YES I am aware that technically John and Alex are currently not together but hey. whatever. :-) enjoy! (and let me know if i could continue writing these!)

WORDS: 1,013

TAGS (im tagging my regular ttfou readers, but PLEASE GUYS let me know if you only want to be tagged in the regular TTFOU chapters because i can start a separate tag list for drabbles if you want!!): @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @sun-tree @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral

“Tie or bow tie?” Lafayette mused, holding each up to his chest in turn.

Alexander and John were laying entangled on Lafayette’s bed watching him get ready.

“How about…neither?” Alexander asked, leaving John laughing into the pillow.

“Yeah,” he added. “Stop being lame and stay here to watch movies with us.”

Lafayette stuck out his tongue and threw the tie on the bed, opting for the pale pink bow tie. 

“No way. I’m taking Herc out and there’s nothing you two freaks can do about it. If you want to waste the most romantic day of the year laying in bed and watching movies, go ahead, but I’m not going to do that.”

John and Alexander exchanged a knowing glance and started laughing. “Laf,” Alexander explained, leaning forward over his criss-crossed legs. “We are not going to just be watching movies. Don’t kid yourself, my dear.”

Pretending to throw up, Lafayette pulled his wild hair back into a bun, shoved his wallet into his back pocket, and saluted his friends.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll see you guys later. Oh, and please–please–don’t fuck in my bed.”

John blew Lafayette a kiss as he opened the door. “No promises, Laffy Taffy. Have fun at your lame dinner date!”

Lafayette rolled his eyes as he pressed the up button on the elevator to go pick up Hercules. Part of him was nervous–he’d never been on a real date with his boyfriend before and he didn’t want it to be awkward. 

Though they were technically dating, it wasn't often that Lafayette and Hercules did couple things. When they decided to make it official, the only thing that really changed was that they were more publicly affectionate. And that Alex and John hated it with every fibre of their beings, which only made the couple play it up more.

With a knock on the door, Lafayette folded his hands behind his back and waited for Hercules. Normally, he’d bypass this step completely and barge into his room to attack his boyfriend, but this was a special occasion. It was to be handled with grace and elegance. 

“Hey,” Hercules smiled, swinging the door open. He leaned in for a quick kiss over the red plaid shirt he was buttoning up, but Lafayette stopped him with a finger to his lips.

“Not yet.” He grinned, buttoning the top two buttons of Hercules’ shirt. “Not until after dinner.”

“Wow,” Hercules remarked, raising his eyebrows. “You’re taking this very seriously.”

“I take love very seriously,” Lafayette replied with a wink. “Are you ready?”

With a curt nod, Hercules closed the door behind him and followed Lafayette to the elevator, through the lobby, out into the cold, and into the cab that was waiting for them. 

“You look good, Laf,” Hercules murmured once the cab started to move. 

He was wearing a black dress shirt with his pink bow tie, black jeans, and his favourite dress shoes. Hercules felt underdressed in his red and black flannel, jeans, and boots. That, however, didn’t stop Lafayette from grinning ear to ear, kissing him on the cheek, and telling him that he looked incredible as well.

When they got to the restaurant, Lafayette ran out and around the car to hold the door open for Hercules, who chuckled and passed the cab driver some money. Though Lafayette insisted on this elaborate date, Hercules would be damned if he let his boyfriend pay for it all. 

They talked easily all through their (very expensive) dinner, Lafayette astounded at how easily he still got lost in Hercules’ kind, sparkling eyes and soft smile. 

After dessert, which Lafayette had insisted on, though they only got halfway through the chocolate cake they split, they decided to abandon the plans they’d made with another couple they were friends with in favour of heading back home to watch a movie. 

The ride home was quiet, but not in a bad way. They were both content and peaceful--it was a comfortable silence.

“Thank you,” Hercules said when they got out of the cab in front of their building. “I mean it, Laf. This was really nice. I’m glad we finally did it.”

Lafayette’s face lit up. “Anytime, my love. Anytime. What do you want to do now? We can go back to my room, we can go to yours...we can see what Lex and John are up to--though we might not want to know--we could...”

“I want to kiss you,” Hercules deadpanned. “There’s literally nothing else I want to do more than that right now.”

The elevator dinged and Lafayette pulled Hercules in behind him. He hit the button for Hercules’ floor then spun around and pulled Hercules by his collar into a deep kiss. 

“Finally,” Lafayette breathed, letting Hercules tug his hair down and lace his fingers through the curls. He sighed into his boyfriend’s lips and felt Hercules grinning through the kiss. 

When the elevator doors opened, they stopped kissing, though they remained close, their lips only centimetres apart. It had stopped on Lafayette’s floor, they assumed to pick up another passenger. But--

 “Oh fuck.” John’s voice echoed into the elevator and made Lafayette roll his eyes in amusement. “Here they go again, Lex. GUYS! We don’t want to see this; it’s like watching Alex’s dad kiss someone!”

“Where are you headed anyway?” Hercules asked, laughing at John’s commentary. 

“Upstairs,” Alex interjected, wrapping an arm around John’s waist and pulling him into the elevator. “We needed a change of scenery.”

“Disgusting.” Lafayette shook his head and chuckled. “We’ll just get out here and go to my room, then. Goodnight, idiots.”

John and Alexander scoffed, pretending to be offended. 

“Goodnight, lovebirds,” Alexander sang.

“We love you!” John piped up as the elevator doors closed again.

Lafayette nuzzled his head into Hercules’ neck as he unlocked the door to his room and let his boyfriend guide him to the bed.

“I love you, Laf,” Hercules whispered. “You’re amazing.”

Lafayette’s face lit up in a grin.

“I love you too, my Hercules. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty Eight)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. words: 2,723 warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of death, swearing all chapters: x tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral​ @esmeraldablazingsky​ @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever--bored @imdiggingdaveed

*pls read!!!!!* a/n: ok so some of you may have missed The Discourse™ last night but TTFOU will be ending on chapter 30 (aka there are two more chapters after tonight, chapter 30 being the epilogue). I feel like it’s run its course and I don’t want to continue it just for the sake of continuing it so I’m at a good place to write the ending and I’m happy with it :-))))) ok pls enjoy !!!! BYE

Hercules and Lafayette sat across the dining hall from Alexander and John, who were talking loudly and laughing at something one of them said. They waved their friends over, but Herc and Laf just smiled and stayed where they were.

“They need to talk,” Hercules muttered.

Lafayette was beaming across the room, revelling in their laughter.

“Why?” he asked through a grin. “Look at how happy they finally are! Let them be, Herc.”

“It won’t last.” Hercules couldn't help but be skeptical. Alexander and John had gotten back together the previous night and neither he nor Lafayette had any idea what’d changed between them. “They need to deal with their shit.”

“Or,” Lafayette sang, taking a bite of his potato. “They could leave their shit in the past and move on. Like they clearly have.”

“Laf.” Hercules turned to his boyfriend and stared him dead in the eye. “You remember what happened at the funeral. There’s no way they both just got over that. Like I said. They. Need. To. Talk.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes and looked at Hercules. “Let them live.”

They scoffed at each other and turned back to watch Alexander and John, who were now holding hands across the pizza they were sharing. Behind them, the massive glass wall revealed a beautiful sunset. The scene almost looked like a movie, but Hercules was afraid they wouldn’t have their happy ending if things continued like they were.

“Are you sure you’re okay, John?” Alexander bit his lip. He didn’t want to force John to talk about the previous day but he needed to be sure.

“I’m fine, Lex,” John replied reassuringly. “I told you: if my mother showing up did anything, it’s that it made me realize what’s important. You. I don’t need her.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Hercules interrupted, spinning a chair around and joining Alexander and John at their table. Lafayette dragged behind him, looking unimpressed at his boyfriend’s actions, but no one seemed to notice his sour expression.

“Nothing,” John said quickly. “Just—about what happened yesterday. With my mom.”

“You know what else you could talk about—ouch, Laf!” Lafayette cut Hercules off by punching him in the thigh.]Alexander rolled his eyes and stood up to empty his tray. “Hercules Mulligan. We are just fine, okay? It’s all sorted out. We’ve moved on.”

Together again at last, the friends returned to John and Lafayette’s room—a familiar and comforting setting—and assumed their usual positions: John and Alexander on Lafayette’s bed, Hercules sitting on the tidy desk, and Lafayette cross-legged on the floor.

Hercules reached under him to the mini fridge and pulled four beers, handing one to each of his friends and opening the last can for himself. Despite his reserves about the sudden make-up, he couldn’t help but feel full and content—it had been so long since they’d all been where they were.

“So, can you finally tell us what the fuck happened yesterday?” Lafayette prompted.

He and Hercules had gotten a quick update the night before over the scarcely-updated group chat, but they’d been desperate for details through their classes all day.

John sighed and Alexander laid a comforting hand on his knee.

“Okay.” After opening his beer and taking a long drink, John began. “When I was a kid, my parents fought a lot. I was really young so I didn’t know what it was about, but my dad was always the good parent. My mom was unpredictable, moody—you know, all that shit.”

Everyone nodded, so John continued.

“So, eventually, my mom stopped coming home some nights. At first, it was just once in awhile. Y’know, maybe one night a week, and she’d just say she got held up at work and stayed at a friend’s house. When it became more frequent, my dad started to think it was an affair. And it was, but it was more than that. Finally, one day, she just…did’t come home. And I never saw her again. Until yesterday.”

“Holy shit,” Hercules whispered. John nodded. Holy shit, indeed.

“Yeah. So, she shows up and tells me she’s been looking for me, she heard about my dad, and that she left because she was on drugs. A lot of drugs. She’s been clean for a year, but guess what? She’s using again and her solution was to come find her youngest son and ask him for help. Isn’t that fantastic?”

John smiled humourlessly when he finished speaking. Nobody else said anything.

“So, yeah. Herc, I can tell you’re not impressed with me and Lex right now, and I get why, but it made me realize how trivial our problems were—I mean, we both fucked up, we both realize it, and we’re both sorry. Why make it more complicated than that? I can’t take any more complicated in my life. Okay?”

Hercules was speechless, but Lafayette high-fived John victoriously.

“Take that, bitch!” Lafayette stuck his tongue out at Hercules, who rolled his eyes and chuckled quietly.

“What are you going to do?” Alexander asked, squeezing John’s hand.

“No idea.” John shrugged. “She knows where I fucking live now though, so I’m pretty sure she’s going to come back. I don’t want anything to do with her.”

“But she’s your mom,” Alexander pointed out softly thinking, once again, only of his own mother.

John bit his lip. He hadn’t realized how insensitive he’d sounded. In Alexander’s eyes, John was presented with an opportunity to get to know his mother, to spend time with her, to reconnect: something Alexander would never get the chance to do.

“Lex,” John sighed. “She walked out on me when I was a kid. She abandoned my family and left us with my father, who was incapable of taking care of a fish, much less multiple children. I know you’d give anything to see your mom again…but this is different.”

Alexander nodded, locking eyes with John. “I know,” he said quietly. “I get it. Don't worry, you don’t need to feel bad, okay?”

John leaned over and kissed Alexander on the cheek, both of them pointedly ignoring the ridiculously large smile dominating Lafayette’s face.

“Oh, I’m so happy!” he squealed, getting off the floor to seat himself between John and Alexander. Lafayette put an arm around each of them and kissed them both on the cheek while Hercules rolled his eyes, though Alexander could see the ghost of a smile grace his lips.

Over the next few weeks, everything started to go back to normal. The routine of class became first-nature once again, and the boys all got along, aside from the odd bickering match.

It didn’t take John long to push his mother's random appearance to the back of his mind because the new semester was keeping him so busy. Though it was in the back of his mind, it seemed like a nonissue for the time being so he let the thought slip away.

“Guess what, Alex?” John declared one night, barging into his boyfriend’s dorm room.

Alexander, who was lying on his bed, looked up from his phone and raised his eyebrows.

“I have had a revelation.” John slammed the door shut behind him and spun Alexander’s desk chair around before plopping down on it with his feet on the edge of the bed. “I am an orphan. And I am perfectly fine with it.”

Laughing, Alexander reached out and patted John’s leg. “That makes two of us. We’ve got a lot of collective issues, huh?”

John nodded proudly; bonding over mutual life problems with his boyfriend was one of his favourite pass-times.

“What the hell am I, chopped liver?”

John scrunched his eyebrows in confusion at the disembodied voice coming through Alexander’s phone. Alex laughed and diverted his attention to his father, who he was FaceTiming.

“I’m a biological orphan, Dad,” Alexander chuckled lightheartedly, though John could tell that he felt bad for making his comment.

After reassuring Alexander that he was only joking, George said hi to John and shot his son a knowing look. Just before John had burst into the room, he and Alexander were discussing how happy George was that they were back together.

“Alex told me about your mom, John,” George said to John. “Just for the record, I think it’s perfectly fine if you want nothing to do with her.”

“Thanks.” John aimed a small smile in the direction of Alexander’s phone. It was reassuring to know that he wasn’t overreacting.

“Do you think she’s gonna come back?” Alexander asked.

“Dunno.” John shrugged, gazing out the window at the sun which was setting below the horizon. “And even if she does, there’s not a whole lot I can do, is there? It’s not like I have money or anything…”

Just…be careful. You never know what could happen.”

They chatted easily for another few minutes before George declared that he had to go and finish some work, so they said goodbye and hung up.

“I miss your dad,” John sighed, leaning his head on Alexander’s shoulder.

“He misses you too.” Alexander chuckled. “You’re all he goddamn talks about. Like, ever. Ooh, how’s John? What have you and John been up to? How are John’s classes? Is he enjoying them? Is he making friends?”

Though John laughed at Alexander’s eerily accurate impression of his father, he felt his cheeks grow warm. It was nice to know that he was cared about—that even though he was a self-declared orphan, there was an adult out there looking out for him.

The pain of losing his father subsided as the semester wore on, as John knew it would, though he was frequently visited by dreams that let him relive his childhood and the terrible memories that went with it. Unlike the real memories, however, his mother frequented his dreams, often grinning at John as her teeth fell out, bouncing off her bottom lip and clacking against the kitchen floor, or looking up at him from the kitchen table, some sort of blunt hanging from her pale, dry lips.

More than once, John had jumped awake in a cold sweat after a particularly vivid dream in which he was again five years old. If Alexander was with him, he’d wake up from his light sleep and whisper comforting words until John’s breathing went back to normal and another wave of sleepiness overtook him. Often, Alexander’s words were littered with whispered apologies and pleas for forgiveness because of everything that had happened what seemed like a lifetime ago.

“It’s not your fault,” John would mumble into the darkness.

“I’m still sorry, John,” Alexander would reply. “I will always be sorry for the things I said and the way I treated you. Your dreams remind me of how sorry I am.”

And then John would murmur a soft, “I love you,” before sighing and submitting to the comfort of Alexander’s strong arms where he would fall asleep once again.

Overall, everything was fairly good again. John felt like his world had stopped spinning out of control for once. His friends grounded him and let him find the stability he had been seeking for so long.

Aside from his dreams, which he could leave behind once the sun rose, he had made peace with his mother’s random visit and had accepted that he never needed to know her.

Until Wednesday, February 22, 2017.

When she came back.

It was a regular Wednesday: Alexander was in a grumpy mood and everyone had a long day of classes except John, who had Wednesdays off. He had just gotten downstairs to get some breakfast when he saw that same familiar-yet-unfamiliar face from weeks ago watching him. This time, however, it was not smiling.

Before John could think of a rational move he made a beeline for the door and sped through the brisk outside air to get as far away from her as possible. Before long, however, he could hear her footsteps gaining on him so he stopped to avoid looking like he was being attacked.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” John spat before he could stop himself.

His mother looked slightly taken aback, but if anything her expression grew harder. She studied his face for a moment before taking another step towards him and putting her hands on her hips as if she were scolding a toddler.

“Why didn’t you come with me?”

It was John’s turn to be taken aback.

“I—what?”

“When I left. Why didn’t you come with me? I’m your mother.”

If John had any trace of sympathy left in his system it was gone in that instant. He felt suddenly overcome with an almost irrational rage directed at her.

His mother, who had the audacity to seek him out after years of pretending he didn’t exist. She, who abandoned him as a child and left him to fend for himself in a loveless household for as long as he could remember. She, who dared to show up and ask why he didn’t choose her.

“You just told me you've been on fucking drugs for the literal entirety of my life,” John hissed, looking straight into his mother’s dead eyes. “How could you possibly ask me that? I was, like, five years old. How was I supposed to make a choice like that? Hmm, alcoholic father? Druggie mother? That’s a real toughie, wouldn’t ya say? Oh, and did you forget? You left in the middle of the night without telling a single one of us! You completely abandoned us and now, here you are, for some fucking reason, asking me why I didn’t go with you.”

“Did you ever wonder about me?” She spoke in a whisper now; John suspected that this was not going as she had planned.

“Of course I wondered about you,” John cried. “I wondered why all the other kids in school got to go home to their moms, why they always had after-school snacks and love notes in their lunches. My lunches were half a sandwich usually. Dad took the other half. Almost every night I sat in my bed and wondered why the fuck you left me, why I wasn't good enough, what you found that was better than me. It made me hate myself. I thought it was my fault.”

“John--”

“I’m not done. If you came here to make peace or to get closure or something, I’m not fucking having it. My damn shitty life? That started with you, and I hope you take that with you to your fucking grave.”



He had no idea where his words were coming from. In fact, he didn’t even know he was feeling the things he was saying until it tumbled out of his mouth. When he finished speaking, he looked at his mother, whose expression was that of a person who had just been beaten up by someone they loved—and that was kind of true.

“I don’t need you in my life,” he continued, though his voice was softer. “I don’t want you in my life. If you need, like, money or something I don’t have any, so you can just leave. Again.”

John turned around to walk back to his dorm when frail fingers wrapped themselves around his wrist desperately.

“I love you,” his mother whispered hoarsely. If it had been a windy day, John wouldn’t have heard it.

Her words combined with the touch made goosebumps burst out all over John’s body. This was the closest thing he would ever have to a memory of his mother—her bony fingers instead of a warm hug, a hoarse and smoke-roughened voice instead of a clear and comforting one. John swallowed the small lump forming in his throat and pulled his hand free. He turned around and looked at her, frail, thin, and shivering in her hoodie and jeans.

In a moment of melancholy, John unzipped his coat, pulled it off his shoulders, and handed it to her without a word. He avoided her eyes as she took it and cradled it in her arms as if it were a child. He didn’t look up again as he walked back into his building.

He felt strangely at peace.