#(starting to reveal some of the stuff I've only talked about on Discord before)

[apollos-boyfriend]

Hey I've been observing from afar through your reaction blogging, I haven't been in mcyt as much since the dsmp ended but I still care about a lot of the people in the mcyt circle and I'm interested in what goes on - care to give a rundown of what happened at this twitch rivals thing everyone keeps talking about? (no pressure only if you want to) Aside from the fact I'm sure it was terribly run like most twitch rival events are, but it sounds like there was more to it than that

okay so. i am going to be missing quite a few details because i missed a day myself + my streamer could not care less, so i heavily encourage others to add on stuff i missed

this was a multi-day competition, running for 5 days with prize rewards from 1k to 100k. it started with i think 150 players, with select numbers of people getting eliminated each round. day 1-2 are fairly normal, at least for twitch rivals. of all the games that got played through the whole event, i'd say like 1 was actually good, and maybe 2 were decent, at best. most are bad, poorly-executed, poorly thought out, or just boring in terms of both player enjoy-ability and content creation.

DAY 3 EDIT:

now, sapnap's been sapnap for this entire event already. obnoxious, a bad sport, but most notably, playing DMCA'd songs. the event ran on proximity chat, so while he was unmuted, everyone around him would also be subject to said songs, which could mute vods at worst and terminate accounts at best. most people are fed up with him at this point. while everyone's trying to come up with solutions for the glitch, sapnap spams the discord with useless shit. couriway calls him out in the discord, calling him annoying and obnoxious, then later calling him a cunt in twitch chat. sapnap uses couriway and feinberg's name in his stream title for clickbait and talks shit about them + their friends (hbg/house builder gang). he also makes some weird comment asking if couri is homophobic because sap was talking about having skeppy's dick in his mouth?? or something?? i'm unsure exactly how day 3's issue of the glitch resolved.

day 4 is also your average experience with your usual range of average to horribly painful games. sapnap continues to be a bitch and not take responsibility for his stans attacking anyone in sight, but what else is new

day 5 is. bad. the game set for deciding the final competitors can be cheesed (if you let someone else do all the work, you can punch them in the last second and steal their win) and eliminates like 20 people at once. on top of that, a glitch happens that leaves the server on standby for at least 30 minutes while admins decide what to do. firebreathman sends a picture of a bare naked ass in the discord. someone else sends a photo of their debit card. streamers entertain themselves in various ways, including growing a cactus (fulham), playing osu (purpled), collecting other people's streams for their overlay (fruitberries), playing slime rancher (badboyhalo), and building real-life furniture (couriway). tubbo (who was already eliminated at this point) starts jumping between streams and asking in chat for the tea. the game is eventually replayed, deciding the final 4 players, but it's just as broken and at that point, no one wants to be there anymore. it's revealed through multiple streamers (purpled, i believe also feinberg) that twitch rivals games are not tested before being ran. the only testing done was a stress test to see if the server could handle all original 150-some players. this explains why the games are so bad and poorly organized (some games take over an hour, others barely 30 minutes).

the final four are sapnap, shadoune, sneegsnag, and i think feinberg. it's the most anticlimatic game of connect 4 you can imagine. sneeg eliminates sapnap, and shadoune eliminates fein. notably, fein's game glitches during a throw, which despite being obviously a glitch, the coordinators brush off as being "part of the game". fein and multiple other streamers spend time analyzing every pov frame by frame and all agree that yeah, that was a glitch. shadoune and sneeg are left for the finals. they come to an agreement that this is stupid and a horrible event. tired of this bullshit, they purposefully stall the games and run a podcast for approximately 2 hours, forcing the coordinators to bend to their commands hunger games-style. essentially since the first glitch of the day people were begging twitch to just split the money, something that wouldn't be easy according to tubbo, because everything is pre-signed and delegated before the event. sneeg and shadoune give no fucks, and force the coordinators to split the money anyway, winning the day through the power of friendship. i cannot stress enough how no one wanted to fucking be there by the end of all this.

[anacecherry]

Okay so a few months ago we moved to the clasroom next to us bc the old classroom was always cold and it was winter. After we changed clasrooms we changed seats as well bc new class new us yknow? After the day was over someone told R who wasn't at school that day that we changed seats and then an argument broke out. I dont know what was actually said bc I stopped paying attention when they started calling each other bitches over a seat. However during that arguement apparently H and Deep Water butted heads. This will be important later.

Some time passes by, we're at school once again and an unusual number of us, me included, decide to not put their phones in the phone locker. We're not allowed to have our phones during school hours so they stay in there for the day. Usually only 3 maybe 4 people don't leave their phones, but that day it was 6. Considering our class has only 16 people, and a bunch of them weren't at school that day, the fact we didn't leave our phones would be extremely obvious if anyone checked the locker. The day passes by as usual until suddenly one of the vice principals comes to our clasroom. To do a search. This is highly unusual because, while the teachers doing searches in classrooms is normal, they had never done one for us for we are always forgotten by the teachers and management. They check the locker and we all get scared. They tell us to hand over our phones now since they're gonna find them either way, and not wanting to get into trouble, we all comply. Thankfully they let us go with a warning and don't tell our parents. This becomes a sour memory and nothing more. For a while.

Again some time passes, we're in class and H is not at school. For whatever reason a conversation about her opens up and Dream, H's deskmate, reveals it was H who told the management we had our phones, and she did it because of her beef with Deep Water. Everyone gets mad and starts to talk behind H's back. Her friend group starts talking mad trash about as well her every chance they get. Even Dream, who acted like she was H's BFF, says she doesn't actually like her and she's just pretending to be her friend to "not get into trouble". They constantly bully her behind her back and say she has no friends, she's too self absorbed, make fun of her for studying all the time but not having perfect grades and say all kinds of mean stuff.

They do all this next to me, because I sit with one of them in class. It starts to really bother me because when H is around they still act all friendly with her. The way her "friends" act makes me feel bad for her, especially because its something I am scared of going through myself. So the day before spring break starts, when I find her alone near the window, I decide to tell her about all the stuff they've been saying about her from behind her back. I expected her to be more shocked or upset, since I would be devastated, but she takes it really well and we start talking about other stuff.

Cut to this morning. Spring break is over and we're all back in class. The "friend group" arrives early as usual and start talking about stuff. I quickly realize they're talking about H. She had unfollowed them on instagram and they were fucking pissed about it. They ask "how dare she unfollow us." Which I find fucking weird because weren't they all talking about how they hated being around her? They spend half of the entire day talking about how mad they are at her. H arrives late and we talk during break and this clearly displeases the firend group, one of them tries to question me about it but quickly backs off when I ask whats wrong.

Now it seems Im becoming friends with H. This will most likely lead to the rest of the class hating on me as well, but after thinking about it for a while I've decided their opinions are not worth holding at high regard. These are the same people that I bitch about every once a week on discord. They're racist and transphobic and never have any idea what they're talking about, only parroting talking points they found on Wikipedia or watched on a youtube channel. One of them believes mermaids are real. I don't care if they think Im annoying or a loser. I'll just hang out with the girl they collectively outed because of one mishap.

So yeah thats whats been happening in my life.

[capow02]

hi hi hello hi I think you're my only sio mutual that's active anymore (': I looked up the welcome 2 elsewhere site because I just randomly remembered it earlier and honestly am I the only one who misses that era? like the bright and colorful aesthetic with the super trippy and horror visuals? the arg they put together? the dyed hair? like maaaan don't get me wrong I'm happy about the new era but elsewhere was taken from us too soon </3 maybe I need to make more art of it lol

Hi!! I'm so glad you sent this ask because I love the elsewhere era so much, I could genuinely talk about it for hours. So here, have this extremely long essay about my experience.

I discovered set it off in early 2021, so the elsewhere era was the first full album cycle I experienced. And my god it was perfect! I was on holiday when the website went up along with the teaser for skeleton, and I remember so clearly trying to figure out all the puzzles before retreating alone back to our hotel room to figure out minesweeper. The feeling of excitement as the discord was going crazy trying to figure everything out was unmatched!

And then skeleton came out, and I was genuinely obsessed. I had just moved into an awful shared house for my second year at uni, so I drowned all my sorrows by putting the song on repeat, drawing the band almost constantly and of course, making the lyric video that would start my channel! The hype was so massive, the dyed hair was iconic, I genuinely lived and breathed the multicoloured aesthetic. I bought every single merch thing I could (my room decor and t shirts still reflect this.) I got a switch that year, and immediately named my island elsewhere.

Every time the website changed, the excitement was so palpable that I dropped everything I was doing when it happened. Of course I had projector and who's in control on loop when they came out, and while I didn't like them as much as skeleton, they built so much hype for the album it was unreal. I even attended an online concert a couple months before the album came out, and it took place so late at night that I went to sleep at 5am while having to get up at 8. I was that committed.

And remember the teasers they posted to instagram and twitter? The ones they posted at 5pm every wednesday and sunday, where unscrambling the code revealed the next song title, the ones I based my elsewhere lyric videos off? I actually set an alarm on my phone so I could catch these as soon as they appeared, I was that desperate to know the next title! And of course the discord went crazy each time, the energy was unmatched. And when the album actually came out, oh my god. It was on loop for over 6 months. I thought taste of the good life was a gift from god, the amount of times I listened to it.

The hype continued throughout 2022, as demos kept coming out through the fanclub (which I paid full money for, getting one of my favourite ever hoodies in the process) and each demo seemed to be better than the next. I still have no idea how the truth about lying was cut from elsewhere and playing with bad luck stayed.

Also, I was so excited for my first ever sio concert that november. And the day 100% lived up to the expectations! I gave the boys some stickers in vip which they loved, and even got a hug from zach after explaining an obscure talk it off reference on one of his stickers. I made some great friends in line, even though I got seated tickets so I had to be separated from them, but I did still get great seats. And the concert itself!! I'm so glad I can say I've seen third wheel live, even if it was in the medley. And I still remember the pure joy I felt when I waved at cody and he waved back at me during uncontainable.

By the start of 2023 and all the "scandals" and stuff started happening, along with their slow retreat off of all social media, I could tell the era was gradually ending and I was really sad. It fully sunk in when they stopped dying their hair, and I was devastated, I almost forgot what they looked like with natural hair. Although I will say I probably got more closure on the era than you guys in america, because I actually made it to one of the end of elsewhere shows here in the uk.

I have to say, that was probably the best night of my life. I paid full price for the vip this time, so I got to actually hang around and talk to them before the show. I also got standing tickets, and managed to get barrier, which was so close to the stage I could've reached out and touched cody countless times. It was wild, and I enjoyed every second. Of course, 4 days later punching bag released, marking the proper end of elsewhere. (And they haven't toured the uk since.)

I miss this era so goddamn much. I have so much nostalgia for it, even though its barely been a year since it ended, and I really wish the current era's branding was as strong. I always felt so close to the band during elsewhere, with all the talk it off episodes and them noticing me on social media. The sense of community was strong, and I miss it a lot now they've stopped posting anything. Idk, I might be biased because it was my first time experiencing a full era.

Anyway, if you actually read all that, thanks! I really needed a good reminisce. And yes, you should make more art of elsewhere! The visuals were unmatched, especially in the music videos 💜💜

[rydrake6]

I'm setting limits for how many youtube videos I watch in a day because I spend a disturbing amount of time watching stuff.

You never really realize how dependant you are on something until you decide to cut back on it. I'm trying to cut back on the time I spend on youtube by limiting the amount of videos I'm allowed to watch in a day, and I'm so freaking bored now that I've exhausted the limit. Like, what else is there to do in the dead of night if not watch video after video? I know it's for the best though. The first limit I set was 64 videos a day. I watched like, up to 57 or so videos. But it really put into perspective just how much time I've been spending every day just watching youtube videos. Like, if I say my average amount of youtube videos I watch in a day is somewhere around 55, then that means that I watch 385 videos per week and 1,650 videos per month on average. Some of the videos are short, sure. But that's a disturbing amount of videos I watch on an estimated average. That is an unsettling amount of time I waste just watching video after video on youtube.

It really puts into perspective just how much youtube controls my life. I'm hoping that by cutting back, maybe the internet won't be such a large portion of my life. I've seen all of this stuff about how the internet used to be vs how it is today. I bet back when the internet was in it's infancy, tech addiction wasn't such a big thing. But then people started specifically engineering things like apps and social media websites specifically to be addictive.

I'm hoping that weening myself off of constant consumption can allow me to have a healthier relationship with using internet and that at some point in my day, I'll be done with it. I don't really have any other social medias that I use outside of youtube and tumblr. I've got discord, but I'm not really active on there. I made a reddit account once, but I never posted on it and if I ever feel like doing so I'm probably gonna delete it. I used to have a twitter, but it fucked up my brain chemistry so badly that I'm still dealing with some of the effects to this day(Side note: Do not make a twitter account under any circumstances. It's not worth it. Especially post Elon Musk buying it). And I don't think I'd ever consider getting a tiktok, instagram, or any other type of social media. So Youtube's really the main, if not the only, source of this.

I'm also hoping that less time spent doom scrolling will help me to work on other stuff I want to/have to work on. I've got game dev goals for this year that I've gotta work on and I want to try my best to get as close to meeting them as I can before the year ends. Also, I haven't really been talking about it too much lately, but I've got a show I'm working on that I think I can actually make. I'm not gonna reveal too much about it though, but I've already composed an opening theme and made a reference sheet for one of the characters. I'm a bit hesitant to announce something like that though because 1, I'm afraid I might lose interest like all the other times I've announced that I'm gonna make a thing, and 2, it's still in the very early stages of development. Somewhere along the line I kind of realized that I need to start small before I go for the big projects.

Anyways though, my point is that less time watching absurd amounts of youtube videos = more time for creativity. If anyone else wants to try this, all you have to do is pick a number that you think is close or somewhat less than the amount of videos you watch. If it feels like it's regular for you, then at the end of the day, reduce the limit. It's also important that you keep count of how many videos you watch and stop watching when you've reached the limit. (I keep count using tally marks on a whiteboard, but you could use anything that works.)

It's normal to feel a bit of discomfort after reaching your limit, your brain is addicted to the endless flow of dopamine and once you stop, it's going to be like "Hey where's my dopamine?" You're probably also gonna feel the urge to watch another video and go past your limit. Try to resist that urge.

After you've reached your daily limit, don't watch any more videos unless you have to watch them to do something. Like for example, tutorials are fine so long as you're going along with them and doing the thing the tutorial is teaching you how to do. If you have to watch a video for school or something, then that's also fine. It's okay to make exceptions that don't count, but make sure that those exceptions are reasonable. I'd recommend that videos that were sent to you by friends or family, tutorials, or music are ones that you don't have to mark down. You can set your own rules, but try not to make it so that you're just watching tutorial after tutorial. Like, if you've reached the daily limit and you're watching a baking tutorial, bake the thing along with it. I've been rambling so I'm just gonna assume that you get the point by now.

I do this with Youtube, but you can probably try it for other social medias as well to break your doom scrolling cycle. Like, limit the number of posts you scroll past on tiktok or twitter or something. Basically just make rules for yourself that restrict your time on the apps. It's not gonna feel good, it'll probably be stressful, but it's worth it.

[peoplesrazor]

Frankly, Starry, I was trying to avoid you assuming I was stalking you now, because this would be the third time I've written a post scolding you for some obvious troll/drama tactic. I'm more or less a little meh about people trolling, but you're bad and obvious in your efforts and it irks me at times.

If we talk about you, we're all butt hurt. We don't talk about you, you whine that we must not care about whatever it is you're going on about after all. It's just so very trite and so very tiring and it's getting hard to take anything you say seriously.

I have actually seen a few posts calling you out for releasing Lily's discord. We all don't have to write the same post and comment on the same things all the time. We saw the callouts and so did you. For the most part, none of us have any interest in Lily's discord followers, so we just don't care.

Nobody in Lily crit wants to dox Lily or her fans or it would have happened. We explicitly call out folks who "touch the poop," by even trying to talk to her with anon asks. Despite what Lily, her defenders, you, and others may think, we've got no interest in those kind of attacks.

We are concentrating on lessening her influence on others. We can reach the random person who is just scrolling around on tumblr. We've had occasions where one of her fans will find something in our blogs that reaches them, too. We aren't going to be able to do that with Lily, and not likely to do it with her diehard followers.

So, interacting with her in that way is pointless. The only reason to do that would be to attack her in some way, and that's not what we are trying to do. In fact, we genuinely call out posts we see doing that. When someone pretended to find evidence that Lily plagiarized her fiction using AI, we were the ones who caught it first, and spread the word. This was days before Lily and her fans brought it up.

And sure, you will see the same things brought up now and again if you are following the tag or our blogs. That's going to happen, because we want to reach new people who are just learning about this stuff. They may come in knowing about Stockholm and her SU video, but do they know about her casual racism, her abuse, her lying about having Cancer? We aren't obsessed, we are trying to be informative. And each of those topics have been the very ones mentioned by former fans when they talk about what started to get them asking questions about her.

Another reason, I, personally didn't comment on your Lily discord follower list, other than not caring a bit about who is in her discord in the first place, is I decided to wait and see if it you brought it up again. I was trying not to make a snap judgement concerning what possible reason you could have for providing both those lists. I could only come up with two possibilities.

Either:

A.) You don't believe we have no interest in stalking and harassing Lily and you wanted to provide the list in hopes someone would use that information to do just that. Hence, giving you all the ammo you need to prove us the villains you want us to be.

Or

B.) You do believe us, or possibly really don't care, and wanted Lily and her fans to go after you so you could complain about them now, too.

You have done nothing to convince me there could be another reason for gathering and revealing both lists. I have to assume this is for your own entertainment.

Doesn't surprise me at all that all those people who were making a big stink about you posting their easy to find socials are suddenly dead quiet about you doing the same thing but with lilies server. Are they gloating or quiet on discord?

Mostly quiet. There isn't much way to go about it that doesn't make make them look silly. Either they have to: be vocal to the benefit of Lily and her fans (God forbid), fully choose to take advantage of having this information and admit hypocrisy, or they have to ignore it entirely and also admit hypocrisy. Any option is a bad one.

I already knew which outcome it would be. The outrage was never really about morals, so I fully expected radio silence.

[cv-nobody-and-associates]

Project Pandora - Files Recovered

Log Notes - Date ???

The lab techs finally got a good one. Natural affinity with the button, and a power ideal for our research. Younger than usual. Current theory is that genetic variance will work better on a younger body. Don't know where they took the kid from, but it seems very tame. Little resistance was noted upon acquisition. All in all, subject 37 seems like our strongest candidate yet.

Log Notes - Date ??? +6M

The subject is progressing about as well as predicted. Improvements with their natural ability don't seem to be assisting progress with our goals. Disappointing, but the director assures me that subject 37 is still in the early days of development, and that soon our experiments can proceed in force. Additional notes on Subject 37 - it remains quiet most days, aside from the usual screams as the experiments proceed. Touch seems to greatly disturb it. Consider use of fear to boost adrenaline for greater response?

Log Notes - Date ??? +1Y

We've had a breakthrough. Subject 37 finally registered a genetic change through its ability. Had to use truth serums to insure it hadn't used the button for a 'complete shift', as the techs call it. Injections with other stimulants show some promise, but as suspected stress is the real key. Reaction was prompted after doctor [REDACTED] attempted physical contact with subject 37. Additional notes - subject 37 seems disturbed, has taken to talking to itself. Disposal of doctor [REDACTED]'s body on hold, genetic analysis required. check for DNA samples.

Log Notes - Date ??? + 3Y

The director is concerned about the mental state of subject 37. The instability could potentially put the project in danger. It's been talking to itself a lot, and we believe it may be hallucinating. We've been trying every substance possible, but nothing's working. Blood samples reveal nothing beyond the expected test parameters. We're close. The genetic components are coming into place. The button WILL make life. Additional notes - subject 37's name was recently found in public news. All mentions of 'Oira' are being censored, and we've hired people to remove the press issue.

Log Notes - Date ??? +6Y

Potential security breach. The lab techs noted some peculiar energy readings around subject 37. Slowed down security footage shows some kind of odd light. Subject 37 appeared to talk to it. Audio unavailable. The director has insisted on tighter security as well as radiation sensors. No noticeable effect on Subject 37. Additional notes - Lab tech reported seeing a floating island yesterday. Sent for psychiatric evaluation.

Log Notes - Date ??? +14Y

The facility is on lockdown. Project Pandora is at risk. I knew we shouldn't have dismissed those energy readings. Something compromised the cell of subject 37 and altered it, and whatever it is now it isn't happy. Genetic readings are off the charts and constantly shifting. Subject 37.5 now seems capable of complete cellular manipulation. Its button however, has been damaged. Additional notes - 37.5 appears to be in a state of transformation. Face keeps flickering from a musical note to what appears to be a question mark. The latter image has been lasting longer before dissipating. Increase containment to level Omega security. It cannot be allowed to escape

-No further logs recorded. Termination of project Pandora noted 47 minutes after last entry.

"What were all these doing here?" Nao couldn't help but ask. She had been exploring the mansion that she would be calling home, and had managed to find a library full of various books and scrolls and such. In the centre of the room there was a laptop sitting on an ornate desk, one that seemed at odds with the old and rather clunky looking laptop.

"Oira..." She repeated the name mentioned in the logs, the only files she seemed able to access. For the moment, the only other files on the laptop seemed to be encrypted or damaged. Even using her suit to attempt to interface directly with the technology - something she had only just learned she could do when a tendril slithered off to a USB port - seemed to do little to allow for better access.

The name brought very little to her mind, though there were brief flashes. A lab. Hands reaching in uncomfortable places. Needles. Screams. She guessed they were memories, no doubt inherited from Nobody in some capacity, or rather what little of Nobody could be incorporated into her.

There was one more detail she was able to find, however. A name attached to this 'Project Pandora'. A single word, accompanied by the vague memory of an M-shaped logo.

"Mythos." She confirmed to herself. "Something tells me there's more to that name. It must belong to a group, but why would Nobody care?" She thought aloud. "She's definitely connected to Oira. Is that why? Maybe..." She sighed, uncertain.

"Probably warrants some further investigation. I'll ask the team."

[tessenpai]

Chika and Satowa: Skinship

I absolutely love Chika and Satowa's relationship, to the point, it's probably the one I like most in manga. There are several reasons for that: The respect they have for each other, the understanding, the deep care... The way Amu-sensei has developed it over the years makes it one of the best slow-burn romances I've ever seen, one in which it never feels like it's dragging you along. No, they are not an official pair as of yet, but the process and the growth we witness as readers is so beautiful in itself, so inevitable, that you just enjoy every second of the ride.

This topic has come up recently in the Discord KOT server, and I must say it was such an interesting conversation that I had to write a post organizing my thoughts about it.

Skinship is something that any romance fan swoons about. We all love a hug, a caress, a sign of affection when we see our OTP. Skinship is especially important in Chika and Satowa's relationship, and it is something that has developed splendidly while revealing some other complicated stuff.

Going back to chapter 2, Chika and Satowa's first impressions of each other was... not ideal. They fought all the time and didn't seem to see eye to eye. That of course changes throughout the manga, as we all know. However, the skinship between the two, and the meaning of touching each other also changes dramatically.

In the early chapters of Kono Oto Tomare! neither of them seems to feel like touching each other is much of a big deal, yes he notices that her hand is small, but what really interests him is how her hands show her hard work. Touching her, at this point, doesn't really hold any romantic feelings on either side. He even takes care of her fever and stays over at her place, and it was no biggie!! But then a change commences happening.

The first one to change is Satowa. She starts to get to know Chika better, and learns about his kindness and his dedication to Koto, as well as how caring he is towards his friends (took care of her when she was sick, told her she could talk about her family situation whenever she was ready, pushed her to have lunch with her school friends...), Satowa starts being aware of Chika as a man. Things that before wouldn't face her, now feel completely different for her

Chika, on the other hand, still seems fairly unaffected by physical contact with Satowa at this point. He is not a guy that goes out of his way to touch people and is not a touchy-feely person anyways. However, when Satowa falls on his arms and very much reacts, Chika doesn't know what to make of that and mistakes her reaction with anger/embarrassment. When Sane comes through the door and sees them in that position, he scolds Chika, but Chika isn't really listening to him and instead is trying to understand the reason for her reaction. In the end, he concludes he must have touched her breast on accident and decides to receive Sane's punishment in silence. Because for him there is no other reason for her to react that way... it was a very innocent exchange on his part after all.

It all changes after The Incident. Yes, it requires capital letters and bold cursive letters, because when Chika's lips end up in Satowa's brow, a huge turn is made in their relationship. It was a very innocent accident. No real meaning behind it. But at this point, Satowa, who was doing fine in ignoring the awareness and keeping Chika as only a friend and clubmate, is unable to do so any longer. She didn't expect it, and she did not know how to react to it. For her, it was not only physical awareness anymore. And she had no way to ignore the feelings that were developing towards him.... although she gave it an honest try there, much to Chika's dismay, who couldn't understand why Satowa was suddenly avoiding him.

Let's take a moment to remember Chika is a kid that grew up with a parent that blamed him for everything that went wrong in his life, he was blamed for the trashing of his grandfather's shop, and he carries a lot of self-blame for his gang days when he used to hurt people on the daily with his fists. So of course, the only reason he can think for Satowa's sudden avoidance is that he must have hurt her. Tetsuki, an innocent bystander, tries to be a supportive friend and recommends Chika to give her time.

You see, ever since he first heard Satowa play the koto, Chika has had as a goal to be able to stand by her side. For him, there is no one above her in the koto world and, the way I see it, Chika believes that if he can be acknowledged as fit to be a koto player by her side, then without a doubt he has earned the right to play it. After all, if he caught up to the person he most admires, anyone who said differently was not worth listening to. So when suddenly Satowa pushes him away, not only is he surprised, but he is hurt and lost.

After the school festival, Satowa is able to put in order her feelings. Hiro does this by "turning her feelings into her strength". Satowa's way leans more towards "the competition is near and I can not be distracted by these feelings. I don't even know what they are and I don't want to think about it. Koto and club come first anyways". Chika is giddy that their dynamic is back to normal. She has "forgiven" him and is not avoiding him anymore.

As with music, Chika is a step behind Satowa when it comes to the milestones in their relationship. While Satowa was very much aware of Chika as a guy, he just admired her as a musician. But The Incident not only was a turning point for Satowa in realizing her feelings... But for Chika as well to start being very much aware of Satowa.

It is interesting to see the difference in this awareness compared to Satowa's. I believe Chika's feelings go hand in hand with his admiration towards her. The more he admires her, the more she observes her, and as a consequence feelings develop. But with that comes one thing Satowa did not have: the urge to touch. Satowa was always aware of why she was flustered and of course, would not willingly put herself in a situation where she would not be able to handle her feelings (by touching him). Chika on the other hand does not really understand the why of his sudden impulses, but he is VERY aware he has them... Because he needs to control them or otherwise Satowa could start avoiding him again.

He becomes acutely aware of wanting to touch Satowa all the time because he fears her rejection. He fears he can no longer be by her side if he gives in to his impulses. And we see several examples of this happening.

Chika, in fact, believes him touching her makes her scared/uncomfortable with him. So any time he does end up touching her, he is very scared he has hurt her or scared her because he was careless.

In this second incident, Satowa for the first time assures him that she is NOT scared of him. Granted, she was surprised, but not SCARED. "We spend all the time together, I am not scared of you in any way". And the relief Chika feels by her words is so sweet! He did not hurt her or scare her in any way, and she is not pulling away!! But of course, this was just an accident, not Chika actively giving in to his impulses. So he STILL has to control himself.

This second incident lets us know where Satowa stands where skinship with Chika is involved. What she says while running IS significant: "When you don't even know how I feel---". The problem is not Chika touching her (even though hugging/cuddling in bed might have been a little too much too soon for her), but the fact that that touch does not mean the same for him. From Satowa's perspective, Chika is still unaffected by the physical touch, while SHE IS IN LOVE WITH THE GUY and can barely contain her feelings as it is. Little does she know Chika does think touching her is a huge deal. To be clear, boy can barely keep his hands to himself half of the time. And only because the other half his hands are busy playing the koto.

And then, The Third Incident happens. It is so huge it shall be referred to as TTI. Yes, it gets it's own acronym:

There is so much to analyze here. Oh boy. I'm going to give it my best attempt.

First off, this scene is parallel to the first time they touched (the first pic in this post). We have come a long way since then... They were two strangers at that time... In fact, they didn't really like each other. But now... They VERY MUCH like each other now. While Chika only knows he wants to touch her so bad that he has to stop himself from doing it because he does not think it would be welcomed, Satowa is aware of her own feelings and Chika's and does not find his touch unwelcome per se... is just that it would be better if they were on the same page as of what it makes her feel. What a catastrophic combination, because as a result Chika pushes her hand away, and Satowa thinks he is rejecting her. And when they are at granny's it all blows out.

Satowa is unsettled because he is suddenly physically rejecting her. Chika is once again scared of having hurt her. And he says aloud what his problem is: "It's for me, so I don't put my hands on you all the time".

Satowa... didn't really get his meaning. We all collectively facepalmed with Hiro and went together to scream into the void when Satowa said "Don't lie, you are not the kind of person who hits girls". But she DID get what he said afterward, or more like, what he did NOT say. When Chika apologized and stated he was "the germ", Satowa was absolutely heartbroken that her attitude made Chika apologize and think he had done some terrible thing to her. So the next day, and after reflecting on what to do with her feelings to not hurt him nor the club anymore, she tells him that he didn't do anything wrong that the TV program put her on edge and she dumped it on him. That he has never made her feel uncomfortable, not at all.

While, as an audience, we tend to focus more on Satowa in this scene, and how she is going by what Hiro went through when she tried to suppress her feelings for the sake of the club, this is a deal changer for Chika. And it's EVEN MORE of a deal changer after going to Satowa's house.

Remember when I said Chika is always one step behind Satowa?

Well, it's still true:

These panels have so much significance... Chiharu asked Chika what he thinks of Satowa... And we can follow Chika's train of thought and how he derails it. He can only think about her when she received that flower, that moment when he could barely contain himself from dragging her to him... and then the "Win the Nationals" club poster flashes through his mind. Chika is not exactly the same as Satowa here. Satowa knew in a way what was going on with her but didn't want to acknowledge it. Chika on the other hand absolutely cuts that train of thought as soon as it goes in that direction. Is not that he doesn't want to acknowledge it... It's that he won't even allow himself to think about it. And it's to be expected from a guy who struggles to see himself as fit to play koto besides her... how to allow himself to openly be in love with her?

And somehow, Satowa gets it... Not that he is cutting the train of thought that leads to "I am in love with her", but the fact that he sees himself as below her. And she understands the only way for them to be together is for him to feel like they are on equal footing: "You have to catch up to me by Nationals. Catch up."

You see, in the same way The Incident made Satowa realize very real feelings were getting involved while for Chika it made him be aware of her physically, TTI let us see Satowa really wants Chika to be besides her... not just following behind her, while for Chika, is his moment to realize very real feelings are involved. See? One step behind. Hiro pushes Satowa even further when she helps her treasure those feelings instead of suppressing them.

But back to skinship... What did TTI do for their skinship? Well, after TTI Chika allows himself to touch her, and we can see him being more open on his protectiveness and how touching her, or her touching him brings him calm:

And post-TTI/conversation with Hiro, we have a Satowa who is very aware she is in love and fully embraces those feelings as something beautiful. Uzuki's incident has even pushed her to STOP letting go of Chika's hand, physically and metaphorically. This is not the Satowa who would cower because she could not handle her feelings when he touched her... this is the Satowa who will grab Chika's hand no matter what. And following the theme of "Chika being one step behind", I wouldn't be surprised if one of the conclusions of the current arc is Chika acknowledging the fact that he is in love with Satowa. Letting himself feel it, without derailing that train of thought.

That theme is also the reason I believe Satowa will be the one to confess first, pushing Chika on the final step for them to be on the end line (or start line depending on your perspective). But it could also be Chika the one to confess, representing him having caught up to her... Symbolism, symbolism everywhere.

BONUS TRACK: While rereading the whole manga to put in order my thoughts for this essay, I just find hilarious how Luka hugged Satowa out of nowhere and Chika went: "Oh heck no, I have to control myself all the time and this dude comes and does WHAT?". Then, Luka referred to Satowa without honorifics, and Chika was downright IRKED (Chika, you don't use honorifics for anyone sir...). Is worth noting Satowa uses honorifics for absolutely everyone except Chika. To be fair, everyone uses honorifics with her, except Chika.

BONUS TRACK 2: Tetsuki the innocent bystander. Whenever Chika feels insecure about touching Satowa or having hurt/scared her? Ask Tetsuki, he has the answers. A true BFF.

[sammygems]

so before i made this post, i was actually sending a friend on discord some of the things i remembered/noticed while rewatching, so mini update with those notes. these all apply to like, very early season 1.

what the fuck was the point in Sasha making Sean Connery big???? what was the reason???? 😭

one of my favourite things in early Diaries is when a character who was previously like, just one of the minecraft comes alive villagers becomes "aware" and Aphmau is like "oh wow you can talk to me now?" and the villager just like, boardline gaslights her with "what do you me? i've always been able to talk to you"

why did Brian's name change from Ryan to Brian? like, do we think that Jess or Jason just forgot what his name originally was and changed it to Brian without realizing or was there an actual reason that was never explained???

the way at the start of the series, literally every time there is voice acting, everyone pronounces Garroth's name differently, it's so funny

to quote myself: "damn, remember when Sasha was described as "a woman with hair as white as snow" and Gene as "a man with eyes like water""

Aphmau when she learned that Kiki had a love story with a werewolf: "that's kinda weird and sad"

Aphmau when she makes Aaron a werewolf so she has a love story with a werewolf: sometimes very weird fetish-y stuff

when Levin first came into Aphmau's care, i said to my friend that it's very funny to listen to Aphmau talk about babies as if she doesn't know what it's like to have one, even tho when Diaries season 1 came out in 2015, she already had 2 of her irl kids (Joseph was born in 2012 and Julia was born in 2014)

there was some vague werewolf racism from Aphmau in an episode, don't remember which episode it was but it was before Laurance made his debut

"Laurance meets Aphmau and immediately trauma dumps on her"

Garroth had his face reveal and i said "remember when this was a big deal?"

"Brendan is one of the girls" ~ this was in reference to Brendan being at the beach with Kiki, Donna and maybe KC looking at Laurance and Brendan said that he was only there because "the other girls are here and Sasha was a girl" but i found it funnier to just ignore the part about Sasha

Aphmau found out that Laurance was Joh's adoptive son, but she said to herself "so he was the guard for his step-father or adoptive father?" and this caused me to rant to a different friend about people mixing up step-family and adoptive family

remember when Zane told Aphmau that he would be fine with marrying her so he could abuse his power over her?

this was followed by me saying that i love evil Zane btw

"Zane on his sacrificing babies arc"

and that's all that i sent to my friend while watching before i made the original post for this, i just thought that i would share. other then this, it's mostly just me celebrating when a character finally shows up

Things I Have Noticed/Remembered from my MCDiaries rewatch

I will be updating this as I continue my rewatch, currently everything listed is out of order, cause I've started writing this as I am on episode 64 of season 1 and I don't feel like fixing it to be in order, so sorry!

What the fuck was Garroth's "plan" he mentions to Zenix in the first episode 😭

Zenix seems to be younger then Garroth in Diaries, considering the way that Garroth talks about him, but I think in MyStreet, Zenix is either the same age or slightly older then Garroth, so far this is like, the only obvious age difference between the series (besides Travis and everyone else of course)

I forgot how entertaining Brendan's character is, he's far less annoying then I remembered

ZANE AS AN ACTUAL BAD PERSON, I LOVE HIM

I love Vylad, but I legit forgot how much he was in Diaries season 1, I thought he was in it far less

Currently at the stage of Diaries where there is no lgbt+ people, i'm very disappointed by this (we haven't even reached the queerbaiting)

KC's character is....not as bad (racist) as I was expecting, still not great though. I'm choosing to believe that KC is from Tu'lu and Maid Cafes are a thing there, and "Kawaii~Chan" is just a stage name for her work.

Y'all know how Cadenza went missing and she was actually turned into a chicken? Yeah, the way Hayden, Castor, & Laurance talk about her to Aphmau makes it sound like Cadenza is a small child. But then it turns out she's the same age, if not older, then Laurance and Aphmau.

Aphmau should've just made Joh and Hayden lovers, I'm so serious, it would make the whole Cadenza and Laurance being "close like siblings" in season 1 to I think actually being called as siblings in season 2 and in MyStreet a lot easier to understand and make a lot more sense.

Why does Kenmur have like, some sort of romance with all the girls from Meteli??? He was engaged to Sasha and is stated to have feelings for Cadenza.

I love when the episodes open from Sasha's POV, and she goes and talks to Gene and there's just no voices. I love having to pause to read what they're saying. (this point is sarcasm)

The way literally everyone reacted to learning Laurance was blind was....icky. Like, I understand Cadenza and Aphmau reacting as like "we need to find a way to bring his sight back", but the fact that it was literally EVERYONE who decided he needed to get his sight back was so weird.

I don't mind Laurance ACTUALLY getting his sight back, but I wish it was done differently. Like, personally, I'd have him like, have to wash his face with the water of the fountain of Lady Irene.

Emma & Corey, Dale & Molly, and Logan & Donna are very sweet couples.

After Zoey and KC were able to turn Cadenza back to her human form, Zoey mentions that she "recognizes Cadenza from somewhere", but I don't think this goes anywhere???? I'm assuming it was supposed to hint at like, Cadenza's backstory.

ngl, I kinda wish we got more of Zane and Kiki's relationship, I really wanna know what side of Zane Kiki actually saw.

Anyway, Kiki is currently expecting.

Nicole (my beloved) has showed up. I've decided I won't question the logic behind her iron fists being able to break bedrock, and instead say that her referencing her iron fists just made me think of Ace from One Piece and Natsu & Gajeel from Fairy Tail.

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT NICOLE'S FOX, ROXY, AND ABOUT THE WYVERNS IN GENERAL 😭

I need to mention that in one episode (before Aphmau went to Scaleswind and learned about Lady Irene), Garroth says to Aphmau "by the seven", which I think she was hurt, but the use of "by the seven" is similar to how the same phase would be used in Game of Thrones or to how irl lots of people say "oh my god", so I'm really wondering if there were originally supposed to be 7 Divine Warriors instead of 6.

The way when Aphmau found Levin and decided to keep him and Garroth IMMEDIATLY decided he would be Levin's father figure.

The way when Laurance found out that Aphmau had a kid, his response was to play with Levin and say to Aphmau "you didn't tell me you had this little buddle of joy/energy".

That's all for now, I'll like, update when I have more to add.

[tiphansia]

Stupid rant lol

It sucks how sometimes supposed acts of allyship hurt someone you're trying to be an ally to. These days more and more people are defaulting to they/them when they're unsure of a person's gender. Which, cool yay whatever. But whenever someone calls me they or them no matter the reason it makes me incredibly angry, profoundly sad, bitter, etc just generally not good at all. People often they/them me online especially in "progressive" spaces and it sucks so much. I know I know utilitarianism dictates it and all that but it just really sucks. There's nothing that can be done either unless everyone went back to using he as the default, which I would like but it would suck for a lot of people so I can't in good conscience wish that. My solution is to act in such a way and present myself in such a way that people assume he/him, because it relieves me from having to outright state my pronouns which I hate to do (and it would also make me so suspicious, I don't like people to know or think I'm trans). I've been in a discord server with someone for months, he knows me we interact daily and I thought he correctly assumed he/him for me through my whole online presentation as he'd gendered me correctly before. But today we were in a voice channel with some other people and he started to use he for me, then quickly said "they, I shouldn't assume". Instant horrible feeling. I can only use the nomic channel to communicate back because for obvious reasons I can't speak, I quickly wrote "it's he fyi :/" but I think I made it worse for myself because my directly stating my pronouns I've just made myself suspicious. What cis person says their pronouns like that. It's so upsetting because anything I say about it will just make things worse so I have to man up and not say anything but it's in my nature to keep talking until things seem "fixed" so it's hard to say nothing haha. And later on someone was saying how dumb these new pronouns are, why can't people use they/them and he was a bro said all the right stuff. Sometimes I'm glad I can't speak because otherwise I would've had to publicly agree with the other person in order to preserve my image and help people make the correct assumptions about me. I guess part of why I hate they/them used on me is because it very clearly tells me this person thinks I'm fucking weird. It reminds me of this post I rbed a few days ago about how asking for someone's pronouns in public seems like "allyship" but it just makes the person feel targeted. It's kind of like that. It's not like I'm a new server member that no one really knows well yet, I've been a core member for months. And yet I'm the only one that this person "didn't want to assume gender" for. Like thanks EVER so much. This is such a stupid rant I'm just so tired of it all. I try so incredibly hard to maintain my image so people assume correctly. Someone in that server called me "unmasculine" once so I asked him why and he said it was because I'm too nice so I've been acting meaner and less considerate and it still doesn't work because sometimes I crack and ask people if they're okay or express sympathy or insecurity or show emotions or reveal that I care what people think and it's all for nothing. Yeah I know it's messed up I don't care. I hate that it feels like it's for nothing. People will always see me as feminine no matter how hard I try. Fuck you. And you know what there's this girl in the server and for the longest time very few people believed her because she has this masculine aura I guess so everyone thought she was trolling. And I was the one being like "guys she's a girl lmao" because I could sense she was uncomfortable saying it herself until finally she was able to say it herself and then people used she/her for her. Even the ally guy refused to believe me until she finally said it herself. I'd give so much to be able to swap places with her lmao. Ugh whatever this is stupid. I wish I could stop caring but I've never been able to not care about anything.