#(sometimes...some people suck)
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I LOVE BEING TRANS!!! I LOVE SEEING THE WORLD IN ITS SPECTRUM OF COLOUR AND BEING FREE TO EXPRESS MYSELF HOWEVER I WANT!!! I LOVE THAT I CAN EXPLORE MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY FREE OF RESTRICTIONS!!!!! I LOVE THAT I'M PART OF SUCH AN ACCEPTING COMMUNITY!!!! I LOVE BEING TRANSGENDER!!!!
#i've been really hating my identity recently so here's some affirmations hope u enjoy#because cis people can fucking suck - even the allies#all my friends at my college are cis and man they make me uncomfortable sometimes even though they don't mean to#but i really do love being trans#i just hate that cis people have tried to make me hate myself for it#but i will not let them#i will not be shamed into hiding myself for their comfort#transgender#nonbinary#transblr#gender stuff#trans stuff#queer#enby#genderqueer
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Somtimes I feel like indie horror is slowly losing its creativity and then I remember Mouthwashing exists and I gain a little bit more faith
#looking at the pipeline of indie horror and physically being able to see the creativity get sucked out of it is painful#I'm looking at you Poppy Playtime and Garten of Ban Ban#a lot of indie horror tends to put focus on some sort of inhuman sometimes incomprehensible monster as well?#I really really like that Mouthwashing is just about The People#I suppose Jimbo is a inhuman monster in his own right too#that valve sequance genuinely made me nauseous as well#literally everything about that game made me feel absolutely horrible lmao /pos#mel's rambles#mouthwashing#indie horror#indie horror game#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying
#caroline talks#modern family#god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really#there are some jokes that land pretty badly now but i still do love this show so much and i'm so sad i'm on the final season#it's like. oh yeah. family is complicated! it's rough!#but everyone can change and grow. people can become better. it won't be perfect and it'll suck sometimes#but everyone is trying their goddamn best.#i will say though i burst into tears at hayley coming to claire and phil and going '. . . i was going to elope but i realized#that i really wanted you guys there :('#and god also how i love gloria and jay and claire and phil and mitch and cam's relationships#and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest#because it's like. when claire explodes on phil bc 'YOU NEVER TAKE MY ADVICE YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!'#and phil goes up to claire and presents her with this photo album and goes '. . . honey i'm ALWAYS following your advice.'#and when i think about mitch freaking out bc he thinks he might have had another kid and he thinks cam might ditch him for it#and cam is just like '. . .. mitchell i love you.' and is just like. we'll deal with this together.#and it's just like!!! ough!!! ough!!!
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
#Idk what to tag this#i’m just so tired.#i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me#like 1) I did the chores they asked of me#2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the#brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some#that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others#and they wanted me sort them. by myself.#I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes.#And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy#and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free#sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining#I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared#I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.
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#im sorry communism daddy disney’s dick is just too enticing#i was gonna do a bunch of these but then i realized i am gonna Die at my lectures tomorrow if i do#this is like late uni AU like year four of med school and joy has been involved in a bunch of student activities and is like#a Well Known Presence#a term or two above anx#and anx had a Giant like celebrity crush on her but like could not even conceptualize them i. a conversation like in her mind this is like#idk kristen stewart hot gay gets-shit-done undeniable main character socially intelligent#and sometime year four she ends up in anx class and like Immediately has a friend group bc she knows everyone but also Immediately HATESanx#bc anx asks a lot of questions and wants to make sure she gets things right but is also just an Intense people pleaser#joy mostly dislikes that she disrupts the flow of the lecture. but they get into arguments in assigned discussion groups and that#NEVER happens for joy (actually it does a lot but it’s usually easier for her to defend her self-righteousness)#eventually she has a breakdown after a hospital placement bc she has some Serious issues w OCD and had to redo a whole term#they never really start ti hang out. but they do have wayy too unfiltered conversations in the maternity ward breakroom at 4am#art tag#inside out#io2#joyxiety#i know it sucks but im fucking knackered#inside out joy#inside out anxiety
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Very annoyed with the progression of 'platonic interpretations are just as valid as romantic ones' into 'im allowed to be as mean as i want about someone else's art if i think the ship is boring'
#Obligatory I USUALLY PREFER PLATONIC INTERPRETATIONS I JUST THINK YOU GUYS ARE MEAN!!!!!!#ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS LET PEOPLE HAVE FUN AAAAAAHHHH!!#Sideyeing some ppl in the bsd fandom. Yes the skk content can be annoying sometimes but theres no need to be an asshole#Suck it up idk#ruby speaks
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With the end and all, it just gives too much of an opening to make Shuro learn his place and realize just how much Falin and Laois have in common— after finally realizing he’s got much to learn especially from those who are more eagerly set on their goals than he’s even been— hopefully so much so he learns to loosen up a lot more, and anyways what I’m trying to say here is Laois and Shuro should make some yaoi I think.
#dungeon meshi#falin touden#laios touden#Shuro#I get that he’s pretty boring by himself that’s why Shuro needs some Laois spice I believe#Sometimes we need the neurotypical x autistic Yaoi ship to remind us it’s not hard to learn and empathize and suck cock#But I also don’t think Liaos and Falin are as simple as just ‘different gender same chars’ rather…#different tastes of autism but clearly two different types of people one whims more gentle and the other more laidback and almost aloof#Listen…Falin is the DM mascot best girl of the year#Laois is her best fails comp brother with no social awareness but is learning he needs to change into being more empathetic and observant
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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honestly the y**ngi dui situation is one of the most interesting events that has unfolded in kpop... maybe it's bc he was my ult for ~3 years and my dad loves him (he has not spoken a word to me about The Situation tho so idk how he feels) but i do think the reaction that came out of fans is why it's so compelling for me to follow to a T
#this is probably the biggest scandal out of any of them in the last few years since they have been mega popular#to be clear i will never defend him. making that clear lol#but some of the shit ive seen on twt these past few days has been........... wow. the defense people have put up#whenever a scandal (from any group) comes out... idk how to word this but the scandal is almost always twisted so that it can be#1) used against the offended fandom ('see your favs arent perfect!! haha u suck!" and 2) used to bolster their own fanbase#('my favs would never!')#theres never a good discussion on 'do i feel comfortable following this idol/group after this has come to light? do i feel comfortable#supporting them?#and ig thats bc sometimes it can be very individual and personal#but for as hive mind as fandoms can be im surprised theres not more discussion on it#there SHOULD be discussion. u SHOULD hold your favs accountable and think critically. and imo a lot of times u can still enjoy them#obv not in all cases but yall get it. i think i hope#anyway im gonna go back to uncritically defending my fav bc ive put charts + twt + fandom above morals. toodeloo! /j#apple lady words#i could go on and on about this. maybe i will
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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adding onto my last rant from a while ago a little bit, it is fascinating how many people in this fandom completely miss the point of tsumugis character and misconstrue what hes actually about which, ironically, is just what eichi did. and its done in such a similar fashion too, such as making assumptions about his motives, his family relationship, and missing the point in why he chooses to look the way he does. and, time and time again, eichi has been proven to be WRONG about tsumugi. he misunderstood him deeply, and now its eichi whos stuck mourning the past while tsumugi has long since moved on, not the other way around, as tsumugi is on the path of getting his happy ending. and i dont get why people keep trying to take this positivity from him
(s. element epilogue 2)
#sorry for harping on this stuff alot it just genuinely sucks seeing a character you love be so widely misunderstood#especially when if you really think about it#tsumugi is about as blunt and honest as they come#you dont always need to read deeper into a character. you dont always need to psychoanalyze every part of them#you dont need to reason everything#sometimes people just Are Some Kind Of Way#and eichi failed to understand that and made the wrong assumption about tsumugi#and i feel like this fandom keeps doing the same thing#because he can do and say unconventional things#and when he makes jokes he sounds super alarming or like an utter freak#its frustrating when people continuously doubt tsumugis words when he speaks so earnestly about his life#hes honest to a fault. he has no reason to lie#you can argue that “ohhh tsumugi just doesnt realize how fucked up he is!” and like Yea sure theres an element of that#but ive always read the point of his character to be him overcoming these hardships#because he cares so fucking deeply about every single person around him#and he never assumes malice. because he is such a genuinely kind hearted guy#and what makes tsumugi so interesting is that he can kind of SUCK at getting that across#because no matter what people never understand his actions or intents because of how weirdly he acts#and neither does this fandom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#natsume and tsumugi are built on being opposites. if natsume is a known liar surely we can put two and two together?#theres alot more that can be said on this topic and ive been meaning to for a while but honestly i just dont have the energy or brainpower#also i dont want this to read like im yucking anyones yum. its just frustrating as someone who is very mentally ill about these characters#he has clearly endured traumas too like im not ignoring that. its super obvious. but his character is about love and growth#you can go through literal HELL and be on the brink of SUICIDE and still end up a happy loving and forgiving person#and i think thats what his character is about#nat rambles#nats enst posting
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