#(so y'know. if you have a pc that can run ME. and have been thinking of checking it out. this is your sign lmao)

[grimgrinnr]

Hi I have no other space to talk about this so just lemme say (spoilers under cut)

Tears of the Kingdom owes me fucking child support. You give me a daughter in the form of Josha and a son in the form of Tulin, and then don’t even begin to compensate me for it???

Giving me a wife in Purah almost makes up for it. But there may be more children in the future. I need to be compensated for that too damnit

[blorbologist]

Y'know, I think I figured out why the Hells still feel like a new low-level party to me, even though they're level 13 and almost 100 episodes in.

I don't quite think it's the lack of conversations, or the fact half the party's plot hooks are big ties to past campaigns - though that definitely plays a part.

... Bell's Hells still primarily rely on quest givers.

Most of their goals are given to them and do not feel organic to the party, and constantly remind us that the Hells are pretty much never the most powerful people in the room. Which is usually something you see with a low-level party.

NPCs offering jobs is not a bad thing; it's a very common plot hook. Matt has been extremely skilled with using NPC quest givers in those two campaigns. Not only do they provide an obvious plot thread, but they can put the party in the path of others (say, the Nein running into the Iron Shepherds while doing a job for the Gentleman and everything that came of that). And the Hells had a solid start with it too - Eshteross was an excellent quest giver!

The problem is that Bell's Hells have never really not had a quest giver.

Maybe it's a byproduct of the more plot-heavy structure of this campaign? But while prior parties have felt like they decided on their course of action and what they prioritized, Bell's Hells feels less like level 13 (13! Level 13!) experienced adventurers and more like an MMO group clicking on the exclamation point over an NPC's head. Where does the plot demand we go next? Who do we report back to?

They're level 13.

At level 13, Vox Machina had just defeated a necromantic city-state to clear their name and Percy's conscience. And, you know, the Conclave just destroyed Emon. No one was explicitly telling the group to gather Vestiges and save the world (though Matt guided them there), and they were usually among the most powerful people in the room. They chose which Vestiges to prioritize, which dragons to tackle when, even if the over-all plot was pretty clear.

At level 13, the Mighty Nein were celebrating Traveler Con (another PC goal, I'll note) after brokering peace between two nations, accidentally becoming pirates and heroes of the Dynasty. The Nein regularly chose what to do based on personal goals, not grand ones. Though definitely smaller fish than Vox Machina at this level, they were very independent and gaining solid political clout.

While we're at it: level 13 is one level lower than the Ring of Brass, who had a huge amount of sway over Avalir. They ended the world, and also saved it, while in the grand scheme of things being only a smidge more powerful than Bell's Hells are now.

Can you really see the Hells wielding that amount of influence, when they're constantly being told what to do next?

The god-eater might be unleashed, so Bell's Hells have no time to do anything but what is asked of them. No time for therapy unless stolen from Feywild time, no travel on foot and late-night watches. They haven't even had time to grieve FCG. Percy was grieved in the middle of the Conclave arc. Molly was grieved when half the party was still in irons.

Matt is in the very unfortunate spot of not being able to give the Hells the same agency as the other two parties. Not only because of the world-ending plot introduced so early on; they are surrounded by characters they know (and the cast knows) are stronger and wiser than them - the familiarity of the past PCs and NPCs is to their disadvantage.

Why would the party reasonably ignore Keyleth's task that will help save the world and go off on a romp? Why would the cast when they know well Keyleth has to be sensible and with the best intentions in mind? The stakes are just too high.

It means that the Hells still feel like they're running errands instead of pursuing their own destiny. Their accomplishments are diminished as just being parts of a to-do list, and any stakes feel padded by several level 20 PCs/NPCs standing 5 steps away ready to catch them.

This isn't Bell's Hell's fault, nor is it Matt's. It could be amended, I think, if the Hells are really left to their own devices for a long period of time without support and shortcuts (like during the party split)... which would be really tricky to pull off at this point in the campaign.

They're level 13. They're big fish, but they're stuck in a pond full of friendly sharks, so they don't feel big at all.

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

WOW, a Mario Reacts! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hell yeah, I can work with this!

(no bc seriously, I just finished watching ep. 7 of Arcane before this and I need an emotional break, yeah I know the rest of Act 3 is gonna kill me)

(the following is my live reaction:)

oh hey, Mario! Wassup?

jigsaw, is that you?

oh nvm, hello Swag! nice to see you again since last episode

I'm about to commit a crime [*strikes a pose then walks away*]

I'm willing to work in a government office just so I can come up with an acronym like, gee idk, Y.U.R.I. or something (I should've been a worker in NASA)

NO STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!

At this point, Mario, I would just give up

[*clears throat*] mejor me muero, ni modo que sigo con estos porquerías. bueno como dice Mario, bye bye [*drinks some water*] alright I'm back

TADC? ah, just a normal Saturday

no thoughts, head empty

honestly, mood

well, in his own way, yeah

[*echoes announcer voice*] VR, the new era of entertainment

...mr puzzles? nah jk jk

oh, Four's theory may not be wrong here (omg it's jesus)

still can't believe christianity is canon in the SMG4 universe

oh, so I was right! [*jigsaw voice*] "I wanna play a game."

That's actually kinda sweet that he immediately chooses his brother

OH SHIT OOOOH that's gotta hurt

NO MARIO, THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME

[*other me pops in*] emo girlfriend, omg it's smg3

no, we're NOT gonna look too much into this, shut up other me

PPFFFTTT that caught me so off guard

say it with me now: YOU CAN'T CONTROL MARIO [*applause*]

I mean, we've been through simulations before, we can take this one too

unironically, I wouldn't mind a 10-hour video of just Mario (and/or the rest of the Crew) just dancing :)

it doesn't even need to have music, I can just put my playlist on and I would totally join in

ooooh, you want to scan that QR code so badly

but also, how did they get a screenshot of my computer?

Mario 🤝 Mario Buddy from the last episode → destroying PCs for the LOLs

AKLDHLKSAFB;KL just the way Mario goes for a fighting stance just so he could run away will never not be funny to me

LET ME IN LET ME INNNNNNNNN

10 hours, welp I got my wish lmao

Mario morphing his face... hmmmm..... [*flashback noises*]

[SMG4: MAR10 Day]

....

don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it

KIRBO NOOOOOOOOO

NO NO NO SWAG NO

same vibes

meme factory? youtube arc? is that you? /j

(yeah I know that the Team uses the same assets ik)

LET'S DO THISSSS oh welp time to vibe

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

what would that be, Swag? Try not to Laugh challenge? I might win tbh

LET'S GO GAMBLING

laughing because of early victory call? very in character for Swag

oooh that's some good animation (y'know, as always)

HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE

am i thinking too much into this or is this the same military base from last episode?

Alright, my little headcanon: the events of this episode and the last one took place on the exact same day

that's just for me specifically

oh hey, more TADC ref

Also, nice PINGAS STUCK IN A DOOR ref

man Mario can't catch a break dude

Congrats to CMorseu for your art being featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

Such a good episode! Not plot-heavy, just a silly episode. I'll gladly take it as my late birthday present. And it's great to have Swag back, kinda was half-expecting Chris to just pop out.

I've said this once and I'll say it again: I wouldn't mind if the rest of the year is just filled with goofy episodes. After all, we just came from WOTFI and we do need a bit of a break so the Team could work on the next arc. (From the looks of things, we might get goop!4 *cough cough*)

Loved the bits of animation and Mario's expressions as always.

Now, I know there is some talk about the SMG4 Crew/Mario Does Things being on hiatus and merging with the Saturday videos. If you can even call it that. Personally, I don't mind it. I completely understand if doing 2 episodes per week is a lot for the Team to handle, though I do wish they would give an explanation for it. I think the best solution would be for the Team making an announcement of the change, the reasons behind it, and how it may be different from the regular Saturday episodes. Also make it clear that "hey, the title says this so it doesn't impact the main storyline".

Anyway, it has been overall a pretty funny episode and I quite enjoyed it! Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna cry my eyes out watching the rest of Arcane Act 3 and bring that angst to the next episode concept :)

OH THE MISERY EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY ENEMYYYYYYY

[shadowmaat]

Palia, a casual mmorpg review

A friend of mine was hyping a new game she was playing: Palia. Mostly she was hyping her attempts to romance one of the NPCs, but enough other details leaked through that I decided to give it a try. And I liked it.

I'm generally not a fan of the mmorpg genre, partly because I hate being social, and mostly because I hate fighting and my reflexes absolutely suck. Palia, thankfully, is more casual/cozy, and while there is a hunting aspect, they're all prey animals that run away. There's no fighting. Thank the gods.

The basic premise of Palia is that humans died out/disappeared a long time ago, leaving the world to the majiri, who have pointy ears and purple skin. There's also the grimalkin, a race of alien felinoids who arrived a few centuries ago and set up shop. And there are galdur, robots who have been around since the Age of Humans.

For Mysterious Reasons one of Palia's deities, the Phoenix, has started dropping humans back into the world, particularly around the remote village of Kilima. That's where the PC comes in.

A lot of Palia is your standard fare (I think). You get to know the NPCs and build relationships with them through talking and gift-giving (which is an actual mechanic of the game). There are quests and loot piles, and a number of skills you're meant to level up in: Hunting, Fishing, Mining, Cooking, Furniture Crafting, Foraging, Bug Catching, and Gardening.

The mainline quest, of course, is trying to figure out what happened to the humans and why you're suddenly reappearing. The list of items needed in order to complete the first part of the quest was... unpleasant, IMO, and involved a lot of epic-level rarity items that take a hell of a lot of time and resources to gather. That, again, is pretty much par for the course with games like this: allll the grinding. I've posted about that before, but thanks to some advice I did finally manage to get everything I needed. My main source of stress on that score is that I am a completionist, so leaving a task unfinished was stressful for me. Hells, it took me a while to accept that I didn't need to finish all tasks/requests immediately, and those are mostly plot irrelevant.

Once you accept that you don't need to do all the things right now ASAP, it's a lot more fun. Even the main quest only recently unveiled part 2, and while it includes some new (and easier, IMO) tasks to complete, it's also more waiting for the "big" update coming in '25, when a new area will be made available. Or I assume that's what's going to happen.

You get to build and decorate a house, which has been more fun than I expected. Tish, in particular, will make expanding your house easier, and you will get hecktons of furniture from loot boxes, from Tish's store, from recipes you can build yourself, and from the Grimalkin underground market.

I've been enjoying playing, even when all my current quests are filled. Even when there's "nothing to do" there's still stuff to do, and selling off all your excess supplies gets you more money for buying more things.

The NPCs are, for the most part, a lot of fun to interact with, even if every single one of them seems to have some tragic backstory. The only character I don't like is Tamala, and I think it's partly calculated that way. She's the witchy "vamp" type character and flirts outrageously with anything that has a pulse. I understand the narrative purposes of characters like that and I know the majority of the time the attitude is manufactured to keep folks at a distance, but I still find her unpleasant, manipulative, and mean-spirited.

The only real issue I have is that some of the longer-term players are clique-y assholes who like to tear into newbies for not following the unspoken rules of the game. Which are, y'know, unspoken.

Most people are very understanding of newbies and have no problem politely explaining the community-developed courtesy of "wait to chop down the magic trees til everyone can get here," but there's a handful who choose to bitch at each other about it and shame folks for chopping "too soon" and thus "ruining" it for everyone else.

Here's the thing: the grove of "magic trees" appears every in-game midnight, and time moves a hell of a lot faster in Palia, so you can get multiple groves in a single day. There is absolutely no reason to act like an inflamed, pustulating asshole just because you couldn't chop one grove. There's no reason to make newbies feel bad for not knowing something, especially when no one fucking tells them.

Thankfully that group is in the minority. I think I've only seen newbie-bashing bitch-fests twice, but that's still two times too many, IMO. Especially for, and I really can't stress this enough, something that isn't an actual rule of the game. If it was a rule, folks wouldn't be able to chop early. I appreciate the courtesy of people waiting for everyone to gather, but acting as if it's some grievous crime is fucking bullshit. Ugh.

Anyway, the game itself is fun. I love nerdy girl Jina and her helicopter mom galdur friend Hekla. Widower Ashura has Big Dad energy. Uptight librarian Caleri and her conspiracy-loving twin Elouisa. Zeki the grimalkin scoundrel with a heart of gold. Tau, the best pupper. Lots of fun and friendly characters, and very little need to interact with other players. You can also block/mute people or just mute the whole server, which is nice.

I'd recommend it, especially for people who like the idea of an open-world RPG thing but are more interested in stories than fighting. You'll get a lot of stories with Palia.

[captainjacklyn]

Making my first DOL post today..random game I got into, it's so easy to get invested.

So here is my PC, don't be fooled- that's a boy he just likes his hair long cause an someone told him it looked nice.

Kinda felt like giving him a small description, how he views most of the LIs and other characters, maybe him as a person idk this really feels like a shitpost. I only recommend the game if you aren't a minor and have a strong ass stomach cause I almost vomited the first time.

!!TW!! mentions of SA, blood, gore, violence, human experiments, death, abuse (both mentally and physically), psychopathic behavior, murder, mutation, stalking, if I missed any other triggers please inform me immediately so that I may fix my mistakes. If any of these topics make you uncomfortable, I advise you to please ignore this post and find something else more suitable. !!TW!!

Degrees of Lewdity :

APPEARANCE :

The slender young man slowly stares back at you and returns your greeting. "Oh..it's you." his name is Elias, he's a resident at the local orphanage, he won't talk back if you try anything. Just avoid taking off his gloves unless he allows it.

PROFILE/MAIN INFORMATION :

Species - human, any hybrid Occupation - student Affiliation - orphanage, oxford street school Age - 18 years old Height - 178 cm Birthday - 04th of April Gender - male (can morph his system into changing sexe so female too) Marital Status - Dating Sydney, Avery's side hoe Zodiac Sign - Aries Best Subject - English, History Interests - Cross dressing, sunbathing, napping, gardening, makeup

PERSONALITY :

Elias is an unfazed and blunt yet somewhat gentle young adult who quietly cares for others from afar. At first glance, many would think that he only speaks up when others wish to converse with him, even then his answers are short with little depth. Though it is stated that his confidence becomes much more evident once he gets comfortable, Elias can tease his peers and act playful. Furthermore, he will occasionally invite friends to spend some time with him. Whether it be taking a nap together, walking along the beach shore or reading in the library. He can crave company and has no shame in asking for someone's attention.

Not only so, but angering/provoking Elias is a feat itself, he usually avoids confrontation by walking away and even when things get out of hand, the young man will still struggle for the sake of running off. Though reaching a certain state of insanity, he looses all control of reason and will attack the offender without limit. This livid persona gives him an animalistic instinct to kill, relentlessly harming the individual(s) who previously caused his senses to go a-wire. The way he does this can get more gruesome depending on the previously inflicted physical or mental wounds on Elias, from forcing himself on them to tearing their skin open and eventually creating a gash deadly enough to give them a slow painful end. He stops at nothing until he's satisfied with how much suffering his abuser lives through.

InGameAU/Canon

Note - The statements above is largely different to how he canonically behaves. I have a knack for 'book accurate' vs 'show representation' and wanted a similar concept for my character.

In the game itself, Elias is much less of a victim and instead finds himself to be in constant control (I've been wary of any nonconsensual interactions, making a save before every choice that could lead to gr*pe or getting..y'know v*red). He is manipulative, defiant and easily angered. Belittling any passerby who leaves him a crude remark, regarding his more manipulative tendencies, this does result in him being a bit of a player.

One ↦ Robin can only have a specific percentage of confidence, preferably leaning towards a hundred but never fully. There is the excessive guilt-trip technique, Elias takes care of him from time to time and the moment Robin says something that could waver the white haired boy's sense of control he half scolds him by reminding Robin of everything he does just for him.

Two ↦ Sydney's purity = max level at all times. He doesn't want to deal with the possibility of having a bratty little *sshole follow him around everywhere for s*x. Especially not if the church proceeds to act up along with his corrupted state. The two of them are dating in game, Elias mainly uses him for protection at school, status wise at least. Due to Elias' line of work and desperate need to pay off Bailey, my PC cheats on Sydney practically everyday, having intercourse with multiple NPCs who offer a good price in exchange for his body as well as acting as Avery's sugar baby.

Despite this, he does care, I promise that he does. But his way of thinking would be similar to Alicent Hightower from House of The Dragon. He isn't narcissistic and has never once acted that way, however Elias is heavily twisted by loneliness abandonment issues go brr, anxiety and peer pressure (e.g robin getting punished for not paying his rent, Bailey possibly selling him off to the farm, etc..). This causes him to appear collected and normal at one moment and then unexpectedly go nuts.

BACKGROUND :

Elias' past follows most of the in-game's PC backstory, he was raised in the orphanage by Bailey and supposedly lived within that town his whole childhood. Another NPC who is only present in Elias' story is Monika, an older sister-like figure who was also raised in the orphanage but soon adopted and taken away. She is said to have learned to read rather quickly and many youngsters would come to her for stories, including Robin. Monika was especially close to Elias, treating him like he was a blood relative than just another inhabitant, their bond grew strong as years passed and her depart created a rather detrimental impact on Elias. Who closed in on himself and ceased to socialize, a partial root to his present conduct.

However, there is a darker side to his story. This would also explain the truth behind his gloved hands which he hates uncovering at all cost, as well as his existence alone. Elias wasn't conceived naturally, instead he was created inside an artificial womb manufactured by a non-governmental laboratory which was currently exploring the nature of hybrids (e.g beings such as the Black Wolf or Great Hawk). A group of scientist took a step further, planning a project which was yet to be approved by their employer, and decided to combine several varieties of animal DNA along with human ones. Their goal was to revolutionize the science of genetic research. Unfortunately, the team was found out and reported to their boss, who visioned Elias' birth as a horrific mistake exhibiting complete disrespect to the laws of nature. The people who had fabricated the unnatural child were instantly discarded from further company work.

Up until that point, the infant mainly looked human and acted as such. So the executive ordered for the toddler to be dropped off at an orphanage and forgotten.

TRIVIA/BONUS FACTS :

Elias is rather fashionable, he sometimes goes into the supermarket to try on a set of clothes before leaving without purchasing a single item. (the art is in the savings)

It is stated by several NPCs that he has a bad habit of staring, this is actually due to him daydreaming/spacing out whilst looking ahead unconsciously.

His favorite drink is lemonade and favorite dessert is lemon tart, anything that has to do with lemons is usually enjoyed by Elias.

When adapting to an environment, his hands are the first to metamorphose. They also connect to his emotions/primal instincts, circumstances like these are what drove Elias to hide them.

His screams sound like a mix of Caraxes and Syrax, his sounds are more guttural than actual cries.

CREDITS FOR PICREW :

#1; #2; #3; #4; #5; #6; #7; #8; #9

[turtlemagnum]

there's this online recreation of the sans fight that i played religiously back in middle school before i even owned a device capable of running undertale, still up. i got good enough at it that under normal circumstances, i can usually do it first try. a bit of a banging my head against a brick wall thing, but damn did it eventually break. honestly i think doing that before ever actually playing undertale was a bit like goku training in 100x gravity, except instead of landing on namek to fight frieza he went and fought raditz again and just absolutely wrecked his shit. at least, until i got to undyne, still not great at her. god i love her. adhd, getting distracted, i had a goddamn point i was trying to make. so, notice that i said "under normal circumstances" as a caveat. what i would consider not normal circumstances would be, say, playing with fucked up arrow keys. such as, the ones that seem to be on every goddamn modern laptop where up and down are both collectively taking up the same amount of real estate as a single normal key, because apparently right shift needs that extra fucking space. like seriously who the fuck even uses right shift, top 10 useless keys right there, right next to caps lock and most of the function keys. guess i've just gotta suck it up until i can afford to get an actual gamer laptop and not a budget office clunker that i got for the admittedly nice CPU

honestly like, i think my ideal laptop would be halfway between the Ultra Gucci Gamer shit and what i have now. give me like, 16 gigs of RAM, a decent CPU for emulation, a low end but modern and power efficient discrete GPU, and a big fuckin SSD. no RGB shit, just a power waste, though i do like having backlit keys at times i think the more efficient way to go about it would just paint em with something glow in the dark. is glowstick fluid toxic to get your hands on? i remember hearing about a guy who died because he injected that shit at a rave, but i don't know how much of that is This Shit Is Poison vs Dont Put Things That Arent Blood In Your Blood Sacks You Moron, y'know. for some reason radium popped into my head, but after thinking about it for more than an instant i'm like 85% sure that shit's what done killed marie curie, and now i can't help but imagine that's something elon musk would tell his engineers to do. "yeah. just a, uh, gamer key-board. with, radium paint on the lettering. saves power, good for the planet." what was i saying

anyways yeah like. the only other specs i can think of would be just having as many ports as possible, 1080p screen @ 60hz, y'know the bare minimum in Current Year. i will say that my current laptop has given me problems with screens i've never had on a computer before, there have been times where i see something i know for a fact is a different, more saturated color on other screens and having it be barely different from the background. also? i want that motherfucker bulky god dammit, i'm tired of everything being thin and light and having absolute dogshit battery life. i miss when i could charge my gameboy once a week and have it entertain me the entire goddamn time, y'know. i'm lucky if i get half a day of consistent use out of a laptop or my switch without charging it, y'know. to be honest, you should be able to murder someone with your technology. i could kill a man with a gamecube or the PC my dad left me as a kid, if i tried to bash a man's skull open with my laptop the laptop would take more damage than the skull. like don't get me wrong, it'd fucking hurt, but i'm not sure there's any singular component in this thing less than 95% cheap polymer by volume. a goddamn disgrace, lemme tells ya. back in ancient rome we had the technology to build bridges strong enough to still be used today, there are guns from the world wars that you can shoot to this day, you're tellin me you can't make a laptop sturdier than a saltine cracker? well, i'm pretty sure they're mostly designed by crackers, so i guess i can't blame em too hard for their inadequacies. such is lief i suppose (sic)

[sims3tutorialhub]

Hello! So, this time I'm kinda looking for opinions on one theory I have about "fixing" something. So, if you have any other idea apart from my theory, everything is welcome.

I am basically having this problem where my game keeps crashing and I could always fix it. But this time I'm trying everything I can and there's no way. I mean, there's one way left but it's basically taking out some CC, sorting it out. But that's already not an option for me cause I had already done that before installing. The thing is, I had about the same amount of CC as you (30gb) sims3pack + packages. Recently, I installed some new CC (clothes and objects as simspack and 3-5 new mods from MTS) and now everything has gone up to 35gb. (28gb being on DCcache, sims3pack basically). So my game up until now has runned fine, with it's lags and crashes here and there but everything normal. Y'know, after a while of playing it crashes. Sure, that's okay. But now I'm trying to play in the save file I'm always playing. With it's Nraas register, overwatch, master controller settings, and other mods to make it run better. The only thing is that I'm not able to play for maybe more than 5 minutes on my main household. I also have other households on the same savefile. That's because I like to play rotationally and have my own sims as townies so my savefiles get big and heavy just because of that and not generations. And so here comes the problem. The crashing always ocurs in less than five minutes in any household living in a house the same size or bigger than a medium sized lot. I'm aware that even though this didn't happend before at all and I could perfectly play on them for hours, I have installed new CC on my game.

This is where my theory comes in, and where I could really use some opinions couse I'm really lost. I admit that what's causing this is well... Me, pushing my game to load more content. But bear with me, I had been wanting to buy a better graphics card for my PC. Mainly for sims 3, but I'm scared it's gonna do nothing. I have a laptop which, I have brought up before in this Tumblr, and in this laptop it doesn't matter how many cc and mods the game has,(maybe nothing at all) it's always gonna crash eventually. With vanilla sims, it crashes after 3 hours of playing. BUT, the game runs super smooth and waaay better than in the PC even with 35gb of CC. This is because it's basically a MSI gamer latptop from last year. i7, with 32gb of ram and a very good graphics card which I don't remember right now. But it's basically 75 times better than the PC's Nvidia GeForce 1050 ti In a 0-100% scale. (PC is an i3 and has 16gb RAM, which is a really good but,✨ sims 3✨ xd) I'm not gonna buy one like the laptop cause is really expensive but I was thinking about something in between if my game could run as close as good as in the laptop. The thing is I'm really confused because I'm really scared that even if I buy a new one, the PC could still crash at this problem I have just like the laptop crashes in seconds, that's why I brought it up. I don't want a smooth game if it's still gonna crash :')

I know my PC well, it doesn't crash inadvertently like the laptop, if I play vanilla sims no way it's crashing in 3hours. With CC it's very possible, but not vanilla. I have checked how much memory utilisizes and it's 7-8 gb of memory. out of 16, that's good, it's not bad. But again, it crashes at this houses outta nowhere. I now a solution is to avoid playing in these, but there's no way now I gotta make smaller ones when I have been playing in these for so many years. So there ya go. I could really use some advice as to what should I do about the graphics card thing, if it's better for me to get a CPU or what. Not both, that's a lot of money,I know both are important for gaming, but I can't afford it. Sorting out my CC it's not an option I already do that all the time, I clean my save to 36-40 mb with save cleaner and I convert everything I can to sims3pack because Packages make my game impossible to play. But I'm definitely not getting rid of my downloads folder 😅

Hii!!

Okay so, my advice: 1. Your save file is probably massive by now and its just too much for the game, I would check if its a memory issue (aka watch your memory as you play as sims can only go up to 3.6GB). I would also check other saves as if they work this is likely it 2. Definitely stop installing things as sims3pack, those things are awful. Just for shits and giggles remove your DCCache folder and see if it works then. 3. I am guessing you used save cleaner, s3mo/cc magic and all that jazz 4. No GPU or CPU is going to save you here sadly. I7 is a good CPU already. And laptop is never going to be as good as PC (my opinion) as it can never pull as much power as a PC. 5. Really all you can do is play a smaller world, less sims, kill off townies, and less decorated houses. Wish I could help but sims just is a 32bit program and nothing we do is going to fix that sadly!

[unprocione]

name : rian!

pronouns :  he/him :)

preference of communication : discord! always discord, i constantly forget tumblr ims exist, and on discord i can remark things as unread, so i don't lose the notification if i can't reply at the time, which helps when i'm burnt out or if my attention span is particularly bad that day.

most active muse :  leon & only leon these days!

experience / how many years :  i've been writing on tumblr since late 2018! it feels like way longer, i started writing on tumblr when red dead redemption 2 was released and i was writing josiah trelawny while the game was actually still under embargo, scrambling to watch every new playthrough episode i could find while the fandom was setting up. i didn't actually play the game myself until it was released on pc in late 2019!

best experience : i had several really good experiences writing atlas/frank fontaine from bioshock in a western cusp-of-the-nineteen-hundreds american heartland verse, going into alot of topics like industrialism at that time, the american labour movement and american union history, strike tactics & the economics of greed. it was inspired alot from a show on the usa network called damnation that got cancelled, i did a ton of historical research and i mostly wrote with red dead redemption ii muses, did alot of worldbuilding with @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins who is an excellent roleplay partner! i'm working on potentially setting up that verse again but from a different perspective for leon, because i miss it.

rp pet peeves : oh i have alot of opinions but i keep 'em to myself until you give me an opportunity. can't stand people getting cancelled for writing villains as the actual villains they are in canon, or characters generally as more complicated morally, especially when they're referencing content from the actual media and people are losing their minds because they're not the fandom expectation or easy ship material. so many people will have 'mun does not equal muse!!' in their carrds and byfs but will clutch their pearls if you even quote directly from source material, and then harass the fuck out of you, send hate anons, suicide bait, i mean we've all seen it happen or heard about it if it hasn't happened to us directly, definitely so if you're on this site for more than a year, so you know what i mean. i don't like people looking to my writing for moral directives or sifting through all my content to glimpse some kind of agenda, i think that's chronically online behavior. obviously it's different if someone is writing pedophilia or something but i just feel like i shouldn't have to make that disclaimer at all, it feels like common sense but if i don't say something i run the risk of someone messaging me like 'so you support so & so? kill yourself!' y'know.

fluff, angst, or smut : i like all of these in moderation so long as there's depth to it further than just being fluff, angst, or smut for no cause, you know? if it's not signature to our muses, if it doesn't fit narratively, and is just feel-good content, i just get bored, and having any of this in back to back to back to back threads of just one roleplay genre is like being smothered to death with chocolate cake, i only like a little bit once in a while otherwise i get sick of it, y'know.

plots or memes : plotting 100%, but even though i heavily prefer plotting, i don't often have the energy for it? even if i really like the other muse's portrayal. or, alternatively, i will do all of this plotting in my head, and just like. never act on it, or bring it to my roleplay partner, due to this weird ocd-adjacent anxiety symptom i'm trying to break now that i have meds to help me out, where i make alot of social rules and conditions for myself that just overall completely pens me up and isolates me. i don't know what it's called but i've just always had that and it gets in the way of what i love doing all the time.

long or short replies : i don't have a reliable perception of long or short replies! i'm happy with two paragraphs but i'll reply with like six or eight paragraphs average because once i get over my anxiety there's really nothing else stopping me and i like run-on sentences and exposition and scenery and internal monologues!! and i know it's not always appropriate sometimes too, like if we agree on a shorter thread for less pressure, but i've always had a hard time knowing where to stop with anything, i have no perception of an appropriate point to cut off? i need like. a reverse nanowrimo.

time to write : apparently 11:00 pm - 6 am est, since that's when i'm most productive lately.

are you like your muses : god i hope not. i did choose to write leon as gay though because, i'm gay myself and it was more comfortable for me, even though he's pretty heterosexual in canon, but that's less from me wanting to relate with him on a point, and more because i have had some really uncomfortable and bad experiences shipping with female muses who didn't respect boundaries in the past. whether that's projecting attraction on me as a person instead of my muse, or wanting me to write noncon or torture porn, and finding a way to take it out on me when i said no or tried to let them down easy, and it's one of those things where looking back on the memory of it gives me the same tight-chested feelings as alot of people get when they've been involved in intense drama and callouts and stuff. just can't do it anymore! maybe that'll change someday ^^

tagged by: @blitzkriegers & @omniterror thamk u both for tagging :) tagging: @ubcs, @sinibell, @valour-bound, @mycelae

[forensicated]

Gina: Ah, just the man I want to see. Has the new superintendent arrived yet? Smithy: Well if she has, I haven't seen her. Erm, just wanted to remind you that I'm booked off early today, it's the er, the erm dentist. He said that er that it's really important that I get my tooth done, cos er, it's a ro-root canal. Gina: Right, well I'll just have to do without you then, won't I...

Reg: To be fair, the man did die... Dan: So? You're supposed to sit there whilst some nutter attacks you? Gina: Sergeant! Smithy: Ma'am? Gina: A word. Why didn't you tell me Superintendent Prosser had arrived? I ended up looking a right prat. Now she thinks we're all incompetent and we can't communicate! Smithy: *looks lost for words* Gina: Thank you very much Smithy... *gestures for him to leave*

Zain: Hotel security have managed to corner him, but he's loose somewhere in the hotel. Dan: Cool. Zain: I'm glad you think so, because your job is to knock on every door and make sure he isn't hiding under a bed, or shower curtain. What? Did you think CID was all glamour and girls? Chop Chop! Smithy: Y'know what? If I could spend the rest of my life in this hotel room with you, I would. Living off the mini bar, and the complementary continental breakfasts. Louise: *laughs* You're such a romantic. Smithy: I do my best. Smithy: I should take the afternoon off work more often. Louise: I bet you do this kind of thing all the time. Smithy: Oh, every day of the week, different hotel with a different bird. But none of them mean as much to me as you do. Louise: Dale? Any idea why there are police cars outside? Smithy: *runs over and looks* Dan: *knocks* Mr and Mrs Smith? It's PC Casper from Sun Hill. Smithy: Erm, it's Dan... Louise: You know him! Smithy: Of course I know him! Louise: I can't be seen here! Smithy: What! And I can? Louise: You haven't got a husband...Just a minute, we're not decent. Smithy: What did you do that for! Now he knows there's someone here! *sighs and hurries to the door, looking through the peep hole, pulling the dressing gown on* Dan: *opens his mouth to speak and laughs* ...Smithy! Thought you were at the dentist? Smithy: Yeah, well I'm here with a friend. Dan: A woman? Smithy: Well yeah, course it's a woman! Dan: *looks over Smithy's shoulder* Very nice! So who is she? Smithy: None of your business, what you doing here? Dan: There's been a series of breakins, in the rooms here...Security guards had the guy cornered, but he got away. ...He's still on the premises. IC 1 Male, about 5'8 Smithy: Yeah, but he ain't hiding in here, is he! Dan: Oh, course not...sorry. Smithy: So who else is here? Dan: Roger, Steve, Zain... Smithy: Right, ok...do me a favour, keep this to yourself. Dan: Mate, my lips...*mimes a zip* Anyway, look, I owe you one for keeping quiet about the *whispers* Rochelle thing... Smithy: Well I hardly think this is the same as you and your affair with the Borough commander's wife. Dan: Married's maried, Mr and Mrs Smith! Seriously, your secrets safe with me. By the way, nice legs... Her that is, not you. Louise: Great. How am I supposed to get out of here with your Sun Hill mates swarming around the place. Smithy: They're not swarming!

Zain: Still, it's good you're doing your homework. If you're going to steal the mans wife, the least you can do is find out who he is. Smithy: *shakes his head and glares at Zain* Don't push it...

Louise: You're scared of how you feel. You're scared it's too good to be true. Smithy: Well....yeah. *nods* ...It is.

Smithy: So how'd you feel now your treatments over? Gina: You know me...strong as an ox. Smithy: But how long you gotta wait to get some results? Gina: One month. Then a quick checkup. Smithy: Alright... Gina: 3 months till D-Day, but who's counting...We're here for a celebration, not to talk about my cancer.

Tony: Hello Merv! How's it going! Merv: Never have met a Sun Hill copper who could hold his drink... Smithy: And you ain't gonna find one in here! Merv: Manager called, said there was a bunch of troublemakers bothering his customers. Smithy: Er, you just missed 'em... Smithy: Oh come on Merv, what you after?! Plonker of the year or something?

Merv: So pay the bill and then we can avoid any embarrassment *takes Gina's arm* Smithy: OI! Easy Merv *goes to get Gina who throws a drink over Merv* Gina: It was a joke! No! It wasn't a joke... it was an accident!

Smithy: *slumps against the bar* Sheelagh: *chuckles and slaps his back* Smithy: You were bloody lucky you got a result today, you know that! Sheelagh: Could have been a lot worse if I hadn't had Gabriel talking sense to me... Smithy: *scoffs and downs his drink* Gabriel... Sheelagh: No, seriously, he was right there when I needed him...I keep telling him he should push for Sgt... Smithy: Sheelagh? Do me a favour, stop banging on about Gabriel. Sheelagh: Smithy, what is your problem with Gabriel? You've never liked him, have you! Smithy: I mean it. Shut up. Sheelagh: Even after he risked his life pulling you out of that fire, you still won't give him the time of day... Smithy: What? And you think he's the Archangel, is that it? Sheelagh: No. But I do think he'd make a damn good Sergeant, what's the matter with that? Smithy: The day they give three stripes to a rapist is the day I hand mine in. Sheelagh: What? Smithy: You heard. Kerry accused your boyfriend of raping her. How else do you think she was pregnant with his kid?

Yvonne: Losers can by the beer all night, and you can chuck in a curry... And I'm talking quality, not quantity, Dan. Dan: Whatever you say *grins*

Dan: Easy tiger, you wanna think of your blood pressure. Roger: Actually I'm thinking about all the beers we're going to have to buy. Dan: Why'd they leave the car? Roger: Didn't have much choice. They had a puncture. Dan: Oh, what a shame...

Bloke: Come on...you're not gonna do me for them? It wouldn't be worth the paperwork... Roger: Well normally no, not for me...but my friend here, he lives for form filling. Dan: Oh he's right...love it!

Dan: We're at that location now...and if you see Yvonne, you can tell her she just lost the bet... Dean: Will do... Prosser: What did he mean she just lost the bet? Dean: No idea, ma'am

Dan: Makes him a nut job if you ask me Gina: The income tax that nut job has paid has been spent on your education, PC Casper. Not money well spent if you ask me!

Dan: Is there nothing else we can do for them ma'am? Gina: Careful PC Casper you're in danger of developing a conscience... Smithy: *to Gina* Drinking on duty, and now smoking on duty? Smithy: ...Shall I buy you a cup of coffee? Gina: Maybe later, I'm going to take early refs... Smithy: *sees Gina arriving after the SO19 cock up* *smirks* You're a good half hour too late...

Gina: Oh! And where have you been for the past hour? Smithy: You're not the only one who use the old 'I'm on ref's' excuse... So er, how did it go with the er ...Super? Gina: Surprisingly well. Not only did I get an apology, but also 'well done'! Smithy: Blimey...I was expecting blood and guts. Gina: Well I should stand by with the mop and bucket, because she has an interview with the Borough Commander. Smithy and Gina: Oooooh!

[crest-of-gautier]

IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING!!! (i played 2.5 hours of PQ today!!!)

some thoughts under the cut! today has been mostly exploring the 2nd spot/floor of the group date cafe and i'm like 79% done with it :3 (and i did the whole arrest the food bandit! quest today)

i really enjoyed returning to this game, the sidequests and character interactions i saw today were fun!

i was particularly endeared by naoto's enthusiasm and interest in aigis, i think it's really neat that he's just so curious about her! i mean.. who wouldn't be LMAO

there was also an event where aigis says:

"Including incidents within Tartarus, Junpei-san has now run into a total of 27 dead ends."

and i honestly thought that was the funniest shit ever??? and how they go on to talk about how aigis's data is piped to fuuka's database on her pc. i really enjoyed how this interaction highlights this aspect of aigis and fuuka's relationship, they definitely make a good team given fuuka's inclination toward technology.

i think that's what a running theme of persona spin-offs are to me- i just enjoy seeing other ways in which the different character dynamics between cast members can be expressed!

and i think that's why i really enjoyed doing the arrest the food bandit quest too- i'm very endeared by the dynamic between the velvet room family. i feel like from what i remember in mainline persona games, it's something that only really gets alluded to in the attendants' dialogue lines (as opposed to seeing the siblings actively talking to each other). i fucking love elizabeth she's great.

there's something about the attendant's curiosity toward life (and how much they have to learn) that i find very charming, but i also think that this aspect of them is great for like.. absurd situations that don't make me cringe. (this is a not-so vague at teddie, i find that atlus tends to focus on teddie's more grating traits aka Hitting On The Girls?? which im not fond of LOL)

the way theo was the culprit because he didn't understand that chie was speaking in hyperbole about yosuke being a dead man if something bad happened to the meat jelly is just. the funniest thing ever. so have an excerpt of my reaction/liveblog document from obsidian that has some transcriptions of the event:

like genuinely. i love the velvet room attendant family a lot. i think they just hit a lot of Appeal PointsTM for what i personally find interesting in fiction (characters learning their way through life who have wonder and curiosity for the world), so i've just been?? thriving off of any interactions they get from the sidequests??? it's great.

mechanics-wise i am very interested in seeing if there's stuff i still can unlock...? it's been kind of a pain in the ass to level up sub-personas specifically (i haven't finished the legendary medicine quest bc i needed to raise a guy up to get an agility binding spell... and now that i did raise the guy i just need to Use It). so i am assuming that there's a mechanic that compensates for the lack of arcana bonus exp LOL (and i'm pretty sure in P5R you could sacrifice ur personas to each other?? can we do that here? thanks.)

anyway that's all for pq liveblogging (more like reflecting but y'know). i'm excited to pick up the game again- i might try and finish the group date cafe this month assuming i don't get carried away with other thingiemajigies!!

[tabsterfm]

The Big Catch-Up Wall of Text Extravaganza 1

I really love using this site as a means to just, write about whatever's on my mind or to write about things I've been doing and my thoughts on them- y'know, like a blog. Most of the time, though, my procrastination gets EXTREMELY in the way, so that doesn't happen as much as I'd like it to. So, for days where I have nothing else to do except for playing catch-up with all the things I wanna talk about, there's gonna be these kinds of posts!

This first one's gonna be kinda all over the place and out of order, but hopefully for next time I like, write down what I want to talk about in the order it comes to my mind so that I don't have to go "huh, what did I want to say again?", but with that said, let's get this started!

First thing's first, I wanna talk about my time with the Vital Bracelet BE because, holy shit, the BE is just everything I wanted from the VV but actually realized: Infinite training, tracking of said training and steps baked into the watch, raising stats with training with a rank to go along with your overall training with the 'mon, being able to see evo requirements IN THE WATCH LIKE HOLY SHIT!!! It's still not perfect, however- my only gripes with the watch are that you STILL can't skip battles, BE 'mons late-game require SO many damn squats being done, and the app for the watch right now is absolute sewage water. I have no plans on using that shitty app unless I'm using it to store completed runs. Speaking of completing runs, holy shit it takes FOREVER to complete a run for me. Why? WELL, since the BE has 4 character slots, I've decided to load this bitch up with two BE 'mons and two DIM 'mons. What I've been doing is that every day, I switch which mon I'm raising in a set rotation, going from a BE, to a DIM, to a BE, to a DIM. This way, I can have one day where I go all out in grinding stats for my BE 'mons, then chill the next day with my DIM 'mons since the stat system is exclusive to the BE 'mons so doing all the exercises for the DIM 'mons on a BE device only increases their PP, or what they need to evolve to the next stage. For those who only stick to raising one 'mon at a time to completion on the BE, I HIGHLY recommend this method of going about things, it's super fun and a nice way to spend time with multiple buddies at once in a span of time.

Speaking of monster-collecting franchises and fitness, I've also decided to get back into Pokemon GO since some of my other friends are giving it a shot again, too. I originally played this game when it first came out, and like, man it fucking sucked. I have literally ONE Pokestop in my general area and the only way to get there is to cross a busy street and complete a bigass maze before having to come BACK from that. Horrible. Because of living in the middle of fucking nowhere, I run out of Pokeballs really quickly, which is why I quit GO on my first playthrough and is something I am getting close to doing now. It fucking sucks that this is the way it has to be, but oooh weeell, if I have to buy a few hundred balls just to continue my search for a (Galarian) Slowbro, I'll do it I guess. And speaking of Pokemon, I have made a huge discovery- especially as someone who really likes avians... Piplup and their line is like, EXTREMELY slept on. I realized this when one of them spawned out in my front lawn and caught it on my first try and decided to make them my buddy 'mon instead of the Bulbasaur I caught when I first started my new account. At that moment it just hit me, like, why don't more people ever talk about them? Why don't I ever talk about them??? Like, I didn't remember Empoleon being in Pokken until I looked Empoleon up, that's fucking awesome. I will be the change I want to see in this world and bring up those silly penguins whenever I can. Doesn't mean their a top 3 favorite of mine I think, but I'll make sure they aren't forgotten.

Uhhh what else what else... oh! I got a new controller for my PC after using the same fucking Afterglow controller for like, 6 years. The "deadzone" issues or however you'd call it were getting so bad that I had to just get a new one. It's a PowerA controller, and I have nothing but good things to say about the GC one I got from them for my Switch, so let's hope this controller lasts just as long as my Afterglow did. Oh, I also fucking tore my old controller apart to hardest it's face buttons lmao.

Oh, I also started a (Hardcore) Ironwoman on Old School Runescape. I started one for two reason: the main one being because I've essentially maxxed out everything I can do on my main account without buying a membership cuz IDK if I wanna commit to a subscription like that, and the other reason being that my friend has started playing OSRS again after forever so we're playing together and making progress together. Holy fuck man, the Hardcore experience is STRESSFUL!!! I don't care if I die and lose it cuz if I want to do a Hardcore thing, I'd make a dedicated account for it, but fuck, do I want to hold onto it for as long as I can because the Hardcore armor looks so much better than the default Ironman armor. Like, why doesn't the default one have arms??? What the hell??? Anyways, I don't think I'm gonna be doing a log or whatever about it. I'd love to make videos about my experience with OSRS, but I don't have the SSD space or really a drive for it at the moment lmao.

The final (and I guess the "biggest?") thing I wanted to talk about was the fact that I saw Puss n' Boots 2 for the second time not too long ago, and like, FUUUCK, it's such a good film. I could go on and on and on and on about what I liked about it, but that's not really the point. When I saw the film the first time, I got sad. When I rewatched it, I got even more sad. Why? Just, the EVERYTHING about that movie, the music, the character designs, the story... it makes me want to CREATE things so FUCKING bad, but like, I have literally zero drive to do so and it almost pisses me off to the point of doing something to spite myself, but I just can't. I have so many songs stuck in my head, so many story/game concepts I want to realize, but I just don't have the motivation to DO it and I will bring that frustration with me to my grave in hopes that a beautiful tree can sprout and do the things I never got to... why am I talking like that I still got a lot of time to do shit lmao. I'll get to it eventually... but I wish eventually was now.

WHEW, I'm fucking finally all caught up with everything I wanted to say. Now, I... don't know what else to do. I guess I can get that 10 year Smite thing done so I don't have to worry about it again, but that's all I got going on lmao. Until the next time y'all hear from me, take care, everyone!

[delusion-of-negation]

Fun fact there is a new england based soda called moxie it tastes ok going down but has one of the worst aftertastes known to man. People from the area get people to try it as a pranks like how Danish people hand out that super salty licorice candy they have to get a reaction

there's an energy drink called pussy that's been around for years but got some recognition online lately for its funny name. there's a supermarket here known for really cheap stuff, and it's called home bargains, but back when I was a little gay kid me and my little gay friends went there all the time because we were poor, so we took to calling it homo bargains, because we were homos and we got bargains there, you need a 200 IQ to understand our sense of humour it's very advanced. anyway, homo bargains had pussy, and being gay as fuck we had various running jokes about pussy not dissimilar to those online now, about liking it, not liking it, etc etc. however, the thing nobody online tells you about pussy, either because the company has fixed it now and I'm too afraid to test, or because it'd ruin the meme, is that it's fucking disgusting and the aftertaste lasts ages. I almost never turn down an energy drink, my blood is 99% energy drink, vampires have to hunt down people who say "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" and use them to build up a tolerance before they can even sip on me, but I couldn't even manage half a can of pussy. I hated the stuff. I wish I had a pc so I could go on my external harddrive and find the photos from that day, because I feel like "ha I drank pussy before any of y'all" sounds like something I'd say for a bit, but I'm deadly serious that every time I see someone drinking it for the meme I think either the company has completely changed it, or those people have poured it out and filled the can with something else, because I refuse to believe y'all are enjoying that stuff. and where I'm going with this is that I fundamentally believe that a lot of the things you're all describing to me would be absolutely disgusting to taste, but I would not subject the taste I remember pussy having on my worst enemy, so I can't imagine anything you're saying tasting worse than that, y'know? for all the theatrics of disgust, which are based in genuine emotion, I still assume it's better than pussy.

[innittowinit]

Can you pick me up? my uni burnt down (Chapt. 2)

Relationships: Sleepy bois inc (all fics i write are platonic)

Summary: 

 In which Techno goes to England for University, his building catches fire in the night, and he isn't prepared for the difference in climate between England and California. SBI fluff ensues

Chapter summary: 

After waking up, Wilbur has the great idea that they should do a sleepy boys stream. Tommy doesn't get told about this id

Words: 1785

Language: English

AO3 Chapt. 1

Listen, waking up on a sofa, with a thin blanket shared with 3 men was never going to be the best morning. His back hurt and his legs were numb from Wilbur having sprawled out over the three of them as he slept. 

Stretching his arms back, he recounted the events of last night. God, it really was only a few hours ago, he was so tired. Had this been last year, he would have been able to stay up for days on end and then just crash for an entire weekend. It wasn’t last year though and Techno had gotten himself into a fairly healthy routine, he couldn’t exactly be sleeping through his uni classes anyway. 

“Alright you two” Hearing Philza’s voice, he propped his head up, “Get up, you can’t lay around all day”

A groan came from the mass of blankets and cushions that happened to be Wilbur, who was curled up in the centre of it,

“Phil it's so early and we went to bed so late. It’s fine to sleep in”

“Okay” he chuckled, humouring his tired friend “It’s midday Wil, im taking the blankets away now”

Techno thought it was much too early too, as he tugged the sleeves of Wilbur’s hoodie down a little further so they could act like gloves. 

“Do you mind if I use your PC to try and find out what’s going on with my classes at some point? They'll probably send me an email or something” He grumbled, standing up so he could stretch his back out properly, following Phil slowly to the kitchen.

“That’s fine, it's up in my room, do what you need”

Breakfast was nice, it had been a while since Techno had had time for it honestly, and even longer since he had been able to eat with people he cared about. He had a couple slices of buttered toast and a bowl of some british cereal which he didn’t really like but he didn’t want to be rude so he ate it anyway. 

“You wanna stream together later?” Wil asked through a mouth full of food, earning a snort from Phil. This was nice. 

“Yeah maybe, you use face cam though, I’m not like against showing them my face but y'know, it is what it is” he shrugged, spooning another mouthful of his breakfast into his mouth, he had to admit it was very bland, he much preferred the sweeter ones that were more popular in America. 

“Well think about it, if you decide you don't want them to see you, you can always just sit off to the side and I'll turn my monitor so you can still see it. My office is big enough for it anyway, it’ll be like where Niki was during that one MCC remember?”

Techno nodded and carried on eating, they really were 3 very sleepy boys right now. Maybe he’d take a nap once he found out what was going on with his classes. 

------------------

------------------

Streaming without any gameplay to comment about and with facecam on? Techno wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. That just didn’t really sound like something he was going to enjoy.

It was nerve wracking and he always seemed to glance at the camera too much when it was pointed at him. He knew the fans would be disappointed if he didn’t do it though, When Wilbur tweeted out saying that he and Phil would join him in a ‘you laugh you lose’ he watched as the replies freaked out. 

You could say he was just a bit camera shy, he wasn’t incredibly insecure, sure there were things he didn’t like that much but everyone had things like that, it just made him nervous to know that people were looking at him. 

He’d be okay with his friend’s though, he trusted that they’d never put him in an uncomfortable situation. He knew if he got overwhelmed he could sit outside the frame. 

It would be okay. 

“Hey hey chat” Wilbur mumbled into the mic, making it loud enough so that everyone could hear but it still sounded like he was whispering. 

“We’ve got the blade here, bet you weren’t expecting that huh chat? Or maybe you were, maybe you read the title of the stream, bet there’s someone watching who didn't think he’d be here though” he finally turned the music off and switched from his ‘starting soon’ screen to his regular camera. 

Wil went through the rules, it was the normal stuff, he added in some jokes here and there, prodding Techno and Phil to talk at times. They’d already agreed that this wouldn’t be for youtube, since that seemed to add a bit too much pressure for Techno, but hey, he still had to welcome his chat. 

“Okay!! First media share! Lets go”  

After a series of videos, some funnier than others, Techno had started to loosen up a bit. He was getting more comfortable with the camera and while he’d probably cringe while looking back at the footage, at least he was having fun right now.

He had a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t usually there when he was streaming alone, sure it was usually fun but nothing was better than being with his friends while doing it, there was really only one person who was missing. 

As if on queue, chat started spamming Tommy’s name, for a moment Techno thought he had been mumbling his thoughts out loud, before he looked between Phil and Wilbur, who both seemed equally confused. Moving Wilbur’s mouse over the chat to pause it, Techno tried to read some of the messages. 

“Oh he tweeted something” he mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket without a care. Maybe some irl streamers would have used the computer but knowing Wilbur’s history, he doubted it could run Chrome and streamlabs at the same time. 

Looking at the tweet he felt a little pang of guilt. It was lighthearted and jokey but he knew there’d be a little truth to it. He nudged the other two and read it aloud to them. 

‘Damn guess I’m not a sleepy boy after all’

The air felt a little thick after that, they hadn’t meant to exclude Tommy; all of the excitement of Techno coming to stay had just made it a little hard to arrange to have Tommy here after all. 

Still, they probably should have still told him though. They were supposed to be each other's family.  

“Hey chat I think we’re gonna have to end stream early.” Wilbur finally piped up, deciding it wouldn't be right to carry on when they had hurt their friend, not that chat needed to know that though, he didn’t want to embarrass Tommy. 

“I feel kinda sick and I don't think you all wanna watch me vomit right? Yeah so it’s best we end it now” 

Techno sniggered to himself at that, in games Wilbur always seemed to be very cunning but he supposed he wasn’t very good at lying when it was about something he actually cared about. Said something being Tommy.  

After raiding Fundy, the trio hopped straight onto discord. 

Tommy didn't answer the first time he was called. 

Or the second. 

Finally, after three calls, Tommy decided he’d talk to them. 

“You are all a bunch of dick heads, you know that? What the hell! Why wasn’t I invited to the sleepy boy’s stream! Wilbur you bitch!” Through all the vulgar language and the constant yelling, it was clear that Tommy was genuinely upset. 

He had every right to be, as far as Techno was concerned. From his point of view his friend’s had just gone off and hung out without him. He just hoped he’d calm down once they explained everything.  

“You know I thought we were friends! I thought we were brothers! But if you don’t wanna hang out with a ‘kid’ you can just tell me and i’ll- i'll go!” He was still yelling, as usual, it was clear he was trying to make this into a joke where he could overreact but Techno noticed the small sniffles and the quiver in his voice. 

By the looks on Phil’s and Wilbur’s faces, they recognised it too.  

“Listen, Tommy” 

Wil was the first to talk, it made sense, it seemed that Tommy trusted him the most at times. Sometimes Techno could be a bit too cold and sometimes Phil could get a bit too overbearing.

Techno understood this, he didn’t take it personally, he knew it was only natural that you have people you trust with your emotions more than others. It didn’t mean Tommy didn’t love them just as much, just that they weren’t his ‘go-to’ when he felt down. 

Techno felt the same way sometimes. Feeling’s got complicated and personally he thought Phil was the best to talk to about that, the fact that he was older and had his life sorted out gave him a sense of comfort, like he could trust him because he knew what he was talking about. 

“We didn’t plan a meetup, it just sorta happened. Phil was at my place, helping me record, and then Techno’s Uni had a fire and he needed a place to stay while they’re making it safe again” Wilbur sighed as he heard Tommy moving on the other side of his mic. Techno wondered what he was doing. 

“We would have invited you, had we known that we’d all be in the same place Toms” 

Phil took over, giving Wilbur a little sympathetic smile. The brunette so obviously felt guilty about the situation. 

“But when we got the call from Tech’ it was past 3 in the morning and it was tipping it down with snow, as soon as we got home we all slept. We decided to do a stream this morning but never once did we intend to try and make you feel like you aren’t welcome with us” 

Finally it was Techno’s turn to talk...Fuck.

He wasn’t exactly the most sentimental guy, he struggled to show his emotions and he just assumed everyone he cared for just knew that he cared for them. He rarely had to say it out loud. God okay. He just had to swallow his pride and go for it. 

“Tommy you are a sleepy boy and you are our brother. We did kind of a dick move today and if I was you I’d probably be upset too. I know I didn't like seeing you guys playing without me during MCC and that wasn’t even any of our decisions. We should have called you or something. I know I kinda tease you a lot but that’s just how I show I like people. Listen Tommy if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to make those kinds of jokes with you. It’s not funny if it’s hurting you though..”

Techno bit his lip, this wasn’t as hard as he had anticipated but it was coming out like word vomit. 

“You’re young Tommy but you’re so talented. We love you”

There was some more rustling, it sounded like Tommy was wiping his eyes. Maybe the boy had expected a yelling match, only for it to turn out to be very emotional. 

“I love you guys too.. If you ever exclude me ever again though I’m getting my vlog knife out”

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 2

Zero and @eternalfarnham are Looseleaf and Saelhen du Fishercrown, a mothfolk animist and a half-elf conwoman. A botched heist forces Saelhen to keep up her fake identity and embark on a quest to places unknown, with Looseleaf to keep a watchful compound eye on her. This time, they prepare to set out for the jungle city of Thunderbrush.

[Campaign log]

It's less than a week after the incident with the pit under Yoshimimoto Plaza. Looseleaf returns to school with Saelhen in tow, and Looseleaf's roommate Oyobi spends some time training them up in basic monster self-defense- the two of them are now level 2! Saelhen gains a Cunning Action, and Looseleaf embarks on the Path of the Mutable Spirit. (There's no combat this session, so more on that later.)

In spending some time with Looseleaf's roommate, Saelhen picks up on... certain nuances.

looseleaf: what you know about your roommate is that she is very friendly and outgoing. the reason she's barely home most of the time is that she's always out partying or fighting or otherwise living it up on campus, and she's pretty well-known and popular amongst the student body. she's technically Martial Arts but takes a few Natural Arts classes, including your archaeology class. she wants to be an adventurer and join the Deathseekers' Guild, and she's taking multiple periods of Severe Zoology to learn to fight monsters. she thinks you in particular are adorable and has probably invited you to various social gatherings. she seems kind of spacey and unreliable, though, and doesn't seem to take you seriously.

saelhen, what you know about looseleaf's roommate is that she a freak nobody else seems to pick up on this, since there's not a lot of other elves at Blacksky, but you can tell from the way she wears her clothes and how she interacts with strangers to the uninformed observer, her fashion sense is sort of rugged and sporty and normal to an elf, her usual outfits are the equivalent of going around dressed in torn booty shorts, a spiked choker, and an ahegao t-shirt she is very obviously making a statement, and that statement is "i can do whatever i want, and if you have a problem with that you can [insert grossly offensive euphemism here]" her super-smiley friendly attitude is clearly part of this- she is breaking every single rule in the elf book, going right for the friendship throat in every social interaction and ignoring every single nicety that's supposed to precede friendly contact she acts a little different around you- like, she expects you to be in on the joke she's playing on everyone around her. she'll say something seemingly innocuous that's a actually a horrendous boundary violation in Kanzentokai, and then look at you with an expectant smile, to see if you appreciated the hilarious prank she just pulled. being around her is like being in the studio audience for a cringe comedy sitcom

Why are we learning so much about Oyobi? Well, partially because I can't help but overthink every single bit character, but also for reasons that'll become clear shortly.

After a few days, Saelhen and Looseleaf are invited to the Provost's office, up at the top of Blacksky Tower. (Ominous sort of place, for a faculty building- hewn out of a single chunk of sparkling black stone, oldest building on campus.) They are not invited to sit- the office contains no chairs.

Provost Hamori Los has good news for them! The people she's had secretly monitoring Saelhen for the past few days- did she forget to mention that?- have determined, by triangulation, that the arrow on Saelhen's bracer is currently pointing in the direction of Thunderbrush, deep in the giant-spider-infested jungle. So that where they'll be going, on a fun field trip!

Looseleaf could not be happier about this. Or less happy. She's really got precisely the amount of unhappiness that she's obligated to feel about giant spiders, being a giant moth.

Luckily, they won't have to trek through the jungle- Hamori has arranged for transportation via the ferry at the town of Cauterdale, which should allow them to bypass a treacherous trek into the depths of the Remoline Rainforest. They'll each be provided 100gp as funding for this academic enterprise- and Headmaster Goodcrest of Thunderbrush Metropolitan University has agreed to provide lodging for them on arrival. Everything is handled for them- so there shouldn't be any problems!

There is one more thing, though- all the different schools want in on this trip, so one school doesn't get all the credit. They're required to bring along a representative from the School of Arcane Arts and the School of Martial Arts, on top of Looseleaf from Natural Arts. And on top of... the representative from the School of Restricted Arts.

This dude is named Vayen, and he's not much for conversation. Or explaining what he's even doing here. Or doing anything besides skulking a careful distance away from the party, staring and listening. What does the School of Restricted Arts even study, again?

Anyway, Looseleaf has someone in mind from Martial Arts, so she leads the party to the School of Arcane Arts to do some recruiting! After being chewed out by Two-Brains for trying to post notices outside the official student notice board, she puts up her ad:

It's not long before she gets a bite!

Orluthe Chokorov is a cleric-in-training, under Diamode, the Goddess of Family. He's been enrolled in Arcane Arts at the insistence of his family... but he seems to think he's a "fake", and is desperate to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it means he passes his classes without having to actually... be able to do whatever it is he's taking classes in. He says he can fight, though- in fact, he's eager to fight! He once beat Bud Chestplate, did you know?

There are perhaps less delinquent candidates they could go with, but there's something nice about a party member with secrets Saelhen could use as blackmail.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...rest assured that I shall be the soul of discretion. As will Looseleaf." "Though I fear that deception of this sort does not come easily to me..." Looseleaf: "Noeru, if he doesn't want to get into it, he doesn't have to- oh my god."

Having recruited Orluthe, the party heads back to Looseleaf's dorm to ask Oyobi about the Martial Arts students- maybe she has some idea as to who would make a good candidate for the trip!

(This isn't me foisting her on the players, though I did suggest it- after the party of two squishies got wiped in the first encounter, I offered them the chance to put together two NPCs who they'd get to control in combat. Their character sheets were more or less created by the players, and I matched their mechanical requirements to NPCs. We may end up having multiple characters per PC, later- this is sort of a trial run.)

With a cleric(?) and a ranger on the team, plus whatever Vayen is that he won't tell them, they're feeling ready to hit the road- right after a shopping trip.

Saelhen buys...

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings

1x traveler's clothes

1x hooded lantern

15x doses of insect repellent salve (much to Looseleaf's great offense)

2x uses of sealing wax

1x tinderbox

fuck it, 4x more bags of 1000 ball bearings

Zero: 'what are you going to do with five thousand ball bearings' 'when the time comes, i'll know'

Looseleaf buys...

1x pint of oil

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings also

5x healer's kits, to distribute to the party

1x pouch of various plant seeds

1x map

Notably absent is any food, since they have Oyobi in their party- she's a ranger with the Goodberry spell. (I've reflavored it to just mean she's good at foraging and always has rations on hand, because holy crap, Goodberry rules-as-written is totally worldbreaking- why would farms exist?)

During their shopping trip, Saelhen manages to get Oyobi alone, without the rest of the party. Oyobi's shtick has been fun, for her, as someone with very little regard for elven rules of politeness, but... it's still a little much. She asks Oyobi to tone it down.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, I thought you had to no-sell it to keep up the fake noble act- I didn't think it was actually getting you!" "That's priceless, oh my god." "What's there to take a 'break' from, anyway? What's wrong with just living?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Primarily, the fact that I really need not to twitch in front of the Provost's silent murder goon." Saelhen jerks a thumb over her shoulder, then belatedly checks to make sure that Vayen is not in fact literally right behind her. Benedict I. (GM): Make a Perception roll? Saelhen du Fishercrown: aw, hell, he definitely is, isn't he

She rolls a 13, and no one in particular rolls a 17. So, everything is fine. They keep their voices down, anyway.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, is it really a problem? Can you really not keep a straight face?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I mean, I can." Saelhen sweeps a hand over her face and is the picture of serenity. "Why should the lady Noeru de la Surplus concern herself with small lapses such as these?" "Surely someone shall find it in their hearts to forgive all trespasses." Oyobi Yamatake: She snorts. "Okay, I get your point." "But really, don't you think it's weirder for an elven noblewoman not to react?" "You don't think he thinks it's suspicious that you take it all in stride?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The character is admittedly kind of a freak. I'm making allowances. I mean, this is fun and all, but if no one sees through the bit at all and I'm stuck in it long-term, which it seems like I am, it's like..." "Just being back in Kanzentokai, except worse, because no one is making me." "And drow catch a lot of crap anyway. They don't need me to teach them that elves can be assholes." Oyobi Yamatake: She frowns. "You can't make me try to keep up with the rules, y'know. I'm not going to put up with that garbage ever again." "But I can tone it down with the..." "Y'know, the stuff I'm going out of my way to do, if that helps." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The wink-and-nudge, yeah. That would help." Oyobi Yamatake: She sighs. She seems a little put out by all this, but pretty quickly puts her happy face back on.

Meanwhile, Looseleaf and Orluthe seem to have lost track of Vayen. It doesn't take them long to find out where he went (well, after Looseleaf rolls a nat 1 on investigation and accidentally pisses off an old lady she mistook for Vayen). Turns out... he's hiding behind a statue of Ccorde, spying on Saelhen and Oyobi.

Looseleaf doesn't buy his crappy excuses, but also... she isn't altogether opposed to the concept of spying on "Lady Noeru de la Surplus", who really ought to have someone keeping an eye on her. So, she just hands him a medical kit- a kit she happens to have used her animist class feature Soul Link on, so she knows where it is at all times. (She's done the same to the bracer.)

Now, with the shopping done, it's time to hit the road! They have a couple options: go on foot, or requisition some giraffes.

(In this world, they domesticated giraffes instead of horses. Why? Because it's a fantasy world and why not?)

The city's main giraffe rental is run by the Ecumene of Understanding, based out of the Temple of Andra. You can rent giraffes for free, as long as you're willing to serve as a courier for the Ecumene- their convoluted legal system requires them to send mail between cities frequently, and they've only got so many clerics on hand. So, anyone wanting to travel the roads can receive a delivery quest from the Ecumene, and rent mounts for free in exchange!

They meet with the Bishop of Understanding of Oyashio, Sarat Aerens.

Aerens has a simple request for them: in addition to visiting Thunderbrush's Temple of Andra with a mail delivery, they're to bring back a report from said temple on the whereabouts of the Siren's Arraignment, a ship that departed from Oyashio and never arrived at its next destination, Snowhold. There's suspicion that the Siren's Arraignment never departed from its supposed origin of Thunderbrush to begin with, either- so the Ecumene put some clerics on the job to investigate, and the party's job is just to relay their message.

With that, they're given giraffe passes, and directed down to the stables, where they find the stablehand, Updraft, having some difficulties.

Benedict I. (GM):There's no one at the pickup window, but there's a sparrow aarakocra just behind, trying to get a giraffe several times her height to get up and out of the damn water trough. Updraft: "...not a bath, ye stubborn git!" "Ye drink from that, lackbrains!" "Y'really want t'be tastin' yer arse?" Looseleaf: OH I CAN HELP WITH THIS FINALLY, A PLACE WHERE I CAN APPLY MY ADVANTAGE ON ANIMAL HANDLING

Looseleaf uses her Soul Read ability to tune in to the giraffe's feelings and recent history, and discovers that someone fed it a hot pepper and it's in, um, anal distress.

Orluthe volunteers to do some healing to the giraffe, with his Lay On Hands ability. Is... that a cleric thing? Do clerics do that? Probably. In this world, clerics perform magic by inviting their god directly into their mind to borrow their brainpower and work miracles directly, and it sure looks like he does that when he does his healing. He channels a god, for sure!

Benedict I. (GM): As he touches the giraffe, you see his body begin to glow, and his facial features are overlaid with another face. "...A giraffe?" "A waste, I suppose, but... perhaps it'll win us some favor." The voice he speaks in sounds more feminine, somehow.

Some religion checks reveal that this doesn't seem quite right for a cleric of Diamode, the goddess of Family. But hey, healing's healing, right?

With that, they're able to get their giraffes no problem- and next time, they'll be on the road to Thunderbrush!

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[just-some-random-blogger]

One Million In One Day | 4

GOT7 SugarDaddy!Jackson Wang x Reader | Part 1 2 3 4 5 ? Characters: Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum, etc. Summary: His mother’s final wish is to see him be happy in a relationship, knowing that Jackson would be fine when she left him. But, damn, he didn’t have time for relationships, especially not since he was busy running his father’s billion dollar empire, thus the compromise: you.

Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: Dumbness, drinking, mentions of infidelity, annoying-ness, etc.

Preview | Alternate Moodboard

A/N: once again i did this on the app so if its barf on your pc i am so sorry ALSO TYPOS AMSJSJSJS

Pabo ❤: ya. U wanna watch smthing w me+mark

Pabo ❤: yayayayayaya wake up its only 7

Pabo ❤: ysaaaaaaaaaaaa

Pabo ❤: r u rly asleep or are u busy? U w Nari???

Pabo ❤: YA

Pabo ❤: R U GOING TO JB'S PARTY

Pabo ❤: YA NARI TOLD ME U WERE GOING

Pabo ❤: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DONT FKING DO THIS

Pabo ❤: YOU HABE NTOING TO PRPVE

Pabo ❤: YAAAAA

Pabo ❤: YAAAAAAAAAAAA PICK UP!!!!

You have 10 missed calls from Pabo ❤

My heart dropped as I rummaged through this tiny, tiny purse that was just an accessory basically. After moments of looking and looking, and coming across with nothing, it was decided. I groaned in utter annoyance and almost ripped my scalp off if it wasn't for the fact I spent hours curling my hair to perfection.

I caNNOT BELIEVE I left my phone at home.

I whine and stomped my feet lightly, not wanting to disturb the driver of the taxi I was in. He didn't deserve that.

I huffed and crossed my arms. Oh well.

This was it, and at least I had my keys and wallet with me. Nothing was going to ruin this.

I wonder if Nari was already there.

I paid the driver once I got to my destination and went my way, inside the exclusive party. I turned to tell the bouncer my name but oddly enough, he spared me no look and simply moved aside and let me in. I... huh, thoughtful?

I blinked rapidly as I walked in the place.

Wait... do you know what that means?

It means I, me, ME, I have an effect on people. But why? It's neve-- wait, is it because-- because of this dress.

My heart pounded in my chest as I stalked down the hallway, making it into the dim, loud, smoky, dizzying place that made my stomach churn and my hands sweat.

Where is Nari?

I chewed the inside of my lower lip and watched where I was going. I went to the sides, avoiding the crowd at all costs, hearing a few heys and some how are you beautiful on the side, making me want to gag though my lips haven't even touched alcohol yet.

Suddenly, a very distinct shriek pierced my ears and I looked up to find the source. And there Nari was with a big grin, waving her hands at me as if I was some sort of celebrity.

"Oh my gosh!" she gasped, shimmying through the crowd. "You bought really did buy the dress!"

I chuckled nervously and nodded. I can't tell her about Jackson.

"Yeah. I... I thought it was about time, y'know, in this long time coming."

"Damn straight, jagiya!" she eeked in approval. "Oh when Jaebum sees you, he's gonna--" she cut herself off and then slapped my arm. I whined at the random action.

"What the h--"

"Jinyoung has been calling me for hours! Why haven't you answered his calls?! Is it because he doesn't want you to go to your ex's party."

My brows quirked, "Jinyoung's been calling me?"

Nari scoffed, and seemed that sh was about to attack me, but then she realized something. "Don't tell me, you forgot your phone again, didn't you?"

I rolled my eyes, "No shit Sherlock! Text Jinyoung and tell him I'm fine, ho."

She rolled her eyes, "You do it!"

"Nari! Just tell him this: she's with me, and is fine."

My best friend gave a prolonged groan and pulled her phone out. "Get me a drink then, ho. Reception is bad by the bar for some reason."

I chuckled and nodded, "Fine. Wait for me here then. I'm not particularly fond of hanging around the bar."

Nari nodded. I moved past her and went through the sea of people, gritting my teeth whenever sweat skin made contact with mine. I shuddered at the revolting atmosphere around me that gave me nothing but revolting sensations. Once I was spat out of the crowd that shoved itself against me, I huffed in both relief and frustration, gripping my glittering dress and strutting to the bar. The bartender gave a smile and nodded, immediately asking, "What can I get you?

I pursed my lips, "The sweetest cocktail you have, please."

"I'll make it sweeter for you." the bartender winks, making my eyebrows raise and my head to pull back. I brushed my sweaty nape and chuckled as the man behind the bar got to preparing my drink.

I laughed quietly by myself as I looked around the place.

JB really knows where the hottest places are at. He'll be a great businessman.

"Hey."

I looked over my shoulder, to where the voice came and looked at the man with widening eyes. His hair grew longer since the last time we met, but it still suited him, because, well, he was him.

"It must be your first time here," he spoke while his pointer and middle finger flattened my hair. It was a habit of his. He took a sip of the drink he had in hand then continued, "And the world must be good to me because it's my birthday."

I looked at him, astonished, in pure and utter disbelief, and chuckled loudly, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man seemed to take the questioning statement as a challenge. He leaned him, smelling his cologne and subtly of alcohol. "I could... know you real good."

I my mind went spinning and I just had to turn away.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" I snipped, whipping my head back to him.

His face remained playful, but I saw how slightly his eyes dropped. "No," he replied the same way he did the first time I asked him a similar question.

"No?" I scoffed out a chuckle, "Are you sure? Isn't her name Jisoo or something."

It was then he visibly showed tension.

I felt tears well in my eyes but I blinked them away. I turned away and rubbed my nape, digging my fingers into roots of my hair. "I can't believe you're drunk already. Has your tolerance went down since last year?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What?" I repeated as I looked at him, "Do you really not remember me, Bum-ie oppa?"

Just then the bartender came back with my order and I took it without hesitation. The man before me was struck by lightning or realization. I took a sip of the drink in my hand and then clicked it against his, "Happy birthday, cheater. Good to know you want back what you've broken."

I turned away from him and swayed my hips away from the imbecile. Apparently though, he wasn't embarrassed enough by our encounter and called my name, pulling me by my arm. I looked at him over my shoulder and he dared to push my hair back behind my ear. He spoke my name again and so I reciprocated.

"Jaebum." I spoke with venom.

"Wh-wait. Ya... You look amazing."

I scoffed and roughly pulled my arm out of his grip, "I've always looked amazing, you bastard." I turned around and downed the drink in one go as I walked back into the sea of people.

"Ya! Where's my drink?" Nari asked as I gave her the empty glass. I saw a bunch of frat boys drinking soju and so I pushed my best friend aside and went to them.

"Hey, boys. Can I have some soju?"

They all turned to me and nodded profusely. I then took their bottle and drank it all the way back to Nari. She looked bewildered, mortified at me and my actions. "YA! WHAT THE HELL?"

"Jaebum-ah."

Nari pulled her head back, "Ya! I'm not your cheating ex-" "I saw him." I spoke, out of breath and hot blooded.

"You did?" Nari spoke in surprise and concern.

"Yeah and he thought I was someone else and hit on me!"

"HE HIT ON YOU! WAAHHH WHAT A DOG--" "I'm so pretty he hit on me!"

Nari held back her laughter as I took her hand, "Ya... I need you to take thousands of hot pictures on me okay. I have to show someone."

She chuckled but pulled her phone out, nevertheless. "If that someone is Jaebum, count me in."

"NOOOOO!" I scoffed, "it's Jackson!"

Nari stilled, "who's Jackson?"

"He's my sugar daddy! Ya, don't you know I'm so pretty he asked me to go out on a date with him and pay me a million for it."

The woman threw her head back in laughter.

"YA! I'M NOT LYING!"

"Okay, jagiya. I believe you." Nari breathed out, "Waaah, I can't believe you're already that drunk."

Nari took my pictures and filmed me while I danced and drank, and danced, and drank, and drank again, and again, and I think I seduced Jaebum or something, because the same Nari was pulling me away for something.

I don't know what.

"Here," I was handed to someone like a package.

"She drank a one-fourth bottle of soju, two cocktails and a bunch of half finished drinks from strangers."

I looked at the man I was leaned up against and caressed his cheek, "You're pretty."

He looked down on me with raised eyebrows, "and you smell horrible."

"Ya, Jinyoung-ah, the correct response is to say you're prettier."

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my wrists, spinning around and carrying me behind his back. I grunt and hit my nose of his head, causing both of us to grunt.

Nari whined, "Just let her die, honestly."

"You read my mind." the man I was propped on growled.

"URSA MAJOR IS JUST A HOAX! I'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE."

"You can't tell the constellations apart for the life you," Jinyoung noted, adjusting his drip on me.

"You can still dump her body in a dumpster, Jinyoung." Nari offered.

He sighed, "Nah, she's not worth potentially getting caught and sent to jail for."

Jinyoung started walking off and Nari waved goodbye before heading back in. The bouncer however did not let her enter, which made her shout at him in annoyance.

"Yaaaa, stoooop! I still have to take pictures for Jackson!"

"Who's he?"

"He's the one who bought me the dress."

"Ah, you're sugar daddy? Nari sent you your photos for him." Jinyoung spoke as he put me into the front seat of some car.

"How do you know? Did you steal my phone?"

Jinyoung went into the front seat and opened the engine. He chuckled and drove his car back, "She called me, and told me."

"Why would she tell you?"

"Because I called her, knowing you."

"Knowing me?"

Jinyoung drove forward and glance at me quickly, "Knowing how you get around Jaebum."

"Ew! Don't talk about him!"

Jinyoung chuckled softly.

"Nari didn't call you to pick me up though."

"What?"

"She was too busy taking pictures of me. You came here to kidnap me." I spoke, crossing my arms.

Jinyoung pursed his lips as I continued, "I won't give you my heart."

There was silence. The driver gripped the steering wheel. "You can't sell any of my organs to the black market."

Jinyoung gave a breath. His eyes crinkled. "Ya... no one would want any of your organs. You're too unhealthy. Mine on the other hand, would cost billions." The man struck a pose and I hissed between my teeth.

"Who is Jackson though?" a long minute of silence was broken by that sentence. I huffed at the question asked by the person beside me, "I told you, he's my sugar daddy. He's gonna make me rich."

Jinyoung pursed his lips, "Are you seeing him?"

"I'm seeing you, pabo."

There was nothing but silence at this point. "Sure, let's see each other then." Jinyoung spoke after a while, deciding for himself.

I shrugged, "Sure."