#(partially because i find it adorable but also because fear and confusion are very human emotions)

[charlies-crushes]

I love my robot husband so much he is my everything he is so cute and he overheats when getting hugged and he short circuits when getting kissed and he crashes from how cute I am and I do the same even though I'm not a robot and- Just... Look at him he's so cute <333

[addictedtostorytelling]

What’s your favorite underrated GSR moments ?

hi, anon!

forgive me, as i wasn’t very discerning about this list, so it’s long:

that moment in episode 01x08 “anonymous” where grissom gives sara the red creeper print powder (which he invented) and she’s geeking out over it, and catherine is so strongly side-eyeing their whole exchange—especially after sara unironically calls grissom “sir”—like

that moment with the whole team in the break room at the end of episode 01x09 "unfriendly skies" when grissom is giving his big speech about how just one person could have saved the victim's life if they'd only paid attention and been compassionate, and sara is staring at him like he's made of gold because for as much as she loves his mind, she loves his heart just as much.

that moment when they’re both standing outside of the morgue in episode 01x10 "sex, lies, & larvae" and grissom reveals that he's going to take another look at kaye shelton's body in order to see if there's anything that they missed the first time around, and sara just lights up because she knows he's doing so at least partially for her and she adores how sweet he is.

that moment in episode 01x16 "too tough to die" when grissom hovers in the doorway at the hospital, watching sara talking to the comatose victim, and you can just see that he's so in love with her but also so scared of how in love with her he is; she's expressing all of these very raw, messy feelings, which is something that frightens him, and yet he's in awe of her humanity and goodness. there's so much intermingled fear and love in that one wordless look from him alone.

two moments from episode 01x19 "gentle, gentle": the one where sara confronts grissom about letting his feelings get ahead of him and reminds him that everyone looks to him to lead the team (because who else can address him that frankly but his wife?); and the one where she presents her findings about the printer to him, and she is just so soft and soothing, talking him down from the edge he’s been on throughout the entire investigation to that point, helping him to calm down and even find his smile again.

that sweet little interaction they have at the start of episode 02x02 "chaos theory" when they're in the victim's dorm room together, and grissom is tasting unidentified substances that he found on the walls and expressing confusion that anyone would ever willingly part with a textbook, and sara is obviously just so smitten with him. like. that's her weirdo husband, your honor, and she thinks he's so cute.

the "think outside the box" scene in episode 02x05 "scuba doobie-doo" because it is the absolute essence of gsr—and in particular everything grissom loves about sara—distilled down into one little moment.

the look they give each other at the end of episode 04x03 “homebodies.” the whole episode is a sleeper gsr gem, but that intense, wordless exchange, where sara is just so openly hurting and raw and allowing grissom to see her pain, and his heart is breaking in a thousand different ways because he knows he can do nothing to spare her of the sorrow, and he feels so helpless, i mean—just damn. that is some grade a, grass-fed angst right there, rivaled perhaps only by the looks we see between them in episode 04x12 “butterflied.”

that moment in episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors” where grissom says his dumb pun about the death being an “outside job” and sara spectacularly fails at hiding her “he’s so cute, i’d marry him in a heartbeat” smile in response.

the conversation they have in grissom’s office in episode 05x14 “unbearable,” where sara asks about grissom’s paperwork and he checks up on her to see if she’s doing okay emotionally now that she’s back to work after her suspension. the care they have for each other is just *chef’s kiss*

that moment in grissom’s office at the beginning of episode 05x24 “grave danger” pt. i where grissom starts fanboying about roy rogers and trigger the horse, and sara almost melts because he’s so adorable she can’t stand it.

that moment in episode 06x08 “a bullet runs through it” pt. ii when they’re in the alley, and grissom orders hodges to throw the gun onto the roof, and when hodges is reluctant to do so, grissom is just like, “sara?” and she immediately makes the toss no problem. i mean, the man knows that if he wants something done right, he needs to ask his wife. #trust

that moment near the end of episode 07x01 “built to kill” pt. i when they’re in grissom’s office and sara’s giving her report on the victim’s suicide and grissom asks about the motive, and sara flirtatiously tells him that her supervisor told her that they’re “not really in the business of why” before she’s suddenly paged away, and then grissom just kind of besottedly watches her go, clearly so in love with her. his soft little “bye” almost kills me every time.

that moment in episode 07x10 “loco motives” when sara makes the connection between mannleigh chickens and izzy delancy and stages a “classic grissom walkout™” on none other than grissom himself, and he’s completely taken aback but also super impressed. it’s so great because a) you can tell it’s something they’ve talked about before at home (“see how it feels?”), and b) it’s such a “wife move” from sara. she always manages to keep him on his toes, and he loves her for it.  

that moment right at the beginning of episode 07x18 “empty eyes,” when sara shows up to the crime scene and finds grissom processing a room, and they have that veiled conversation about how they had to cancel their planned date night in order to come to work. both of their smiles are just priceless.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy! 

[misstrashchan]

Hi!

I have seen you are into podcasts? I wanted to try consuming some stories in this media format because I am curious... however, I do not know much.

Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you!

Okay, so I don't know what kind of genres or stories you might like or be looking for, but the majority of podcasts I'm familiar with and can recommend are mainly horror, or have horror elements. So, fair warning there. (Most podcasts on this list include trigger warnings in the episode descriptions too)

The Penumbra Podcast- I'd say this is a good, safe starting point to see if you like consuming stories in podcasts. The first season started out as an anthology series for a variety of stories, ranging from sci-fi noir detective mysteries, swashbuckling westerns, haunted houses, knights slaying monsters, etc. The main premise of the podcast is "stories you've heard before told in ways you'd never expect".

There are two reoccurring storylines, Juno Steel (sci-fi/noir) and the Second Citadel (fantasy/adventure) that the show focuses on more so as it goes on and drifts away from the anthology format, but you can choose to just focus on one and come back to the other later, as the two stories are completely seperate from each other and don't need to be listened to understand the other. Same if you don't want to listen to the horror anthology episodes like Shaken and Home and would rather skip them over (though they are fantastic if you do like horror). It's very engaging, fun, diverse and energetic, and excellent voice acting and sound design. Just a good time all round.

Currently there's three complete seasons out, episode runtime ranging 30-45 minutes and a currently ongoing series. Here's the teaser:

Alice Isn't Dead- So this is just a firm favorite of mine in podcasts, hell, it's one of my favorite stories in general.  Keisha, the narrator – a truck driver who is driving across America, delivery to delivery, is looking for her missing wife, Alice. We listen to her speak into the truck radio, partially musing to herself, partially addressing Alice as though she is leaving her a voicemail describing her travels and the bleakness of the road ahead – and worse, the potential of what follows her. It's a horror, a psychological thriller and a mystery, told in short, sharp chapters. The way in which the story is told makes excellent use of the audio medium and actively incorporates it into how the story at hand is being told, which I just adore when podcasts do. (There's a book version out and it just doesn't quite hit the same mark as it does in podcast format). In general it makes for a very intense and intimate experience that just keeps you hooked all the way through.

The story is complete at three seasons with 30 episodes each with a 20 minute runtime.

The Magnus Archives- If you follow me, or if you've been on Tumblr in general, you might already have a vague awareness of this series because of how popular it is, and for good reason too. It's a completed slowburn 200 episode cosmic horror/tragedy/drama that at it's core is an anthology series, every episode being a seemingly self contained short horror story.

Given as "statements" by people who have had paranormal or esoteric encounters to the Magnus Institute based in London, which is dedicated to researching such things, is then recorded onto tapes by the narrator and protagonist Jonathan Sims, (one of my favourite tragic heroes) the newly appointed Head Archivist after his predecessors mysterious death, who appears to have purposefully disorganized the Archives, much to his annoyance. But then patterns begin to occur within the statements, characters and previous statement givers appear in other's stories as they intersect like a huge web, and it's clear that there's something much larger and sinister at play as an overarching narrative comes into view that then draws the Archivist in.

Similar to Alice Isn't Dead, the Magnus Archives makes use of the audio medium and actively incorporates it into how it tells the story with how every statement is recorded onto tapes, as well as the events of the strange happenings in the Archives that the main characters (the Archivist, his research team, and the head of the Magnus Institute) experience themselves. Though without spoiling anything, the tapes themselves have a far more relevant and a active role in not just telling the story, but as the story and world itself.

This was a passion project for the writer, Jonathan Sims, (yes that is the name of the main character which he also voices, yes it is confusing) for a long time, and you can absolutely tell with how planned out the meta plot and intricate lore is, as well as just the quality of the writing in general. It covers all kinds of horrors and explores the concept of human fear itself, our personal relationship to it, which ties into the themes of agency and humanity the series also explores.

(trailer starts at 1:00)

The Silt Verses-

Let Me Speak First of Revelations

And Next of Dark Deceit

Then I'll Speak of Champions

Of Lovers, Gods and Beasts

My Song is Long and Twisted

It Winds, it Worms, It Rends

It Carries Few, It Drowns Many

And Those I Love, It Rends

This podcast is a fairly recent newcomer compared to the rest on the list, the first season is still ongoing, with only nine episodes out so far out of its fourteen with a season two planned ahead as well (with a roughly 40 minute episode runtime) but is absolutely divine. I'm genuinely frustrated that I'm not articulate enough to properly describe just how clever this series is, and can't recommend it enough.

A folk horror/religious fantasy serial drama that follows Carpenter and Faulkner, two river worshippers of an outlawed god, travelling up the length of their deities great black river, in search of revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories.

If you like themes of religious existentialism, how capitalism will commodify everything once deemed sacred, the indescribable horrors that arise from religious fanaticism/cults, rich lore and world building and complex morally grey protagonists who act as fascinating character foils to one another, lyrical and poetic narration, an eerie atmosphere, and don't mind the occasional intense scenes of body horror, you will love this podcast.

Oh, and crabs.

(I would also highly recommend I Am in Eskew by the same writer, his previous and completed podcast at 30 episodes, about a man living day to day within the monstrous city Eskew, but as an overall story and characters the Silt Verses is the much stronger of the two.)

[paperbagpetrichor]

Hey! Is it okay for me to request Headcanons for jotaro, Giorno, and Joseph reacting to having an s/o who’s very clumsy in everyday life but when it comes to fighting she can take down groups of people twice her size and height ?

[  I hope it’s okay that I just did Joseph and Jotaro!  I’m not far enough in to be confident in writing for p5 quite yet, my apologies, but I hope you enjoy these two!  ]

J o s e p h ;;

At first he didn’t think much of you, other than that you were a hell of a cutie.  Petite, almost always fumbling, both physically and around your words, a pink blush constantly tinting your cheeks, he initially believed you were shy and nervous in nature, and, to some degree, you were.  Perhaps it was the fact that he didn’t think he’d see much of you throughout his journey, but he didn’t pay you much attention.  Whenever he saw someone being a bit of a klutz, or tripping over their own words, nevertheless, his mind would always flash back to you, the girl who seemingly popped out of the background sheerly because of her awkwardness.

It quickly became clear that you weren’t going anywhere.  As it turned out, you were one of Lisa Lisa’s most prized students, excelling in Hamon.  Joseph thought himself insane the first time he and Caesar ran into you.  That same small girl, bumbling about like a lost puppy, was a Hamon master?  It was almost laughable.  In fact, when Lisa Lisa introduced (or rather re-introduced) the two of you, he couldn’t help but let a laugh escape.  “[Y/n]?  [Y/n] [l/n]?  That name must be common, then,” he’d chuckled, rolling his eyes, only for his trainer to cast him a stern glance as you emerged behind her, nearly tripping on the brick flooring.  His jaw practically hit the ground.

Even during training he couldn’t believe it.  Somehow, you - clumsy, small, innocent, and somewhat of a mess at times - were ahead of him.  He clung to whatever little logic he could muster.  After all, he hadn’t seen you use Hamon, so perhaps you were simply some relative of Lisa Lisa’s, visiting, exempt from practice because you genuinely didn’t know the first thing about anything, Lisa Lisa simply letting you live your dream.  You were adorable, of course, but something like jealousy and uncertainty held Joseph back, generally avoiding you.

Only after your first sparring session did he realize how wrong he’d been.  “I’ll go easy on you, love,” he’d reassured as the two of you set yourselves into position, only eliciting a small snort from you and a “you don’t need to” under your breath.  The moment he plunged into battle you were able to pinpoint his moves fairly quickly, although, to be fair, after watching him train, you’d grown rather accustomed to his typical moves.  You easily avoided jabs and kicks, dodging clacker balls with ease, allowing a few well-placed Hamon-filled punches and swift feints followed up by some powerful roundhouses left him breathless on his back in what felt like an instant.  Through his panting, holding his head, he saw you step over him, for the first time looking and truly feeling like a giant, worthy of all the praise Lisa Lisa had given you.  “You don’t need to go easy on me,” you informed with a good-natured smile, reaching out to help him back to his feet.  Before he gathered the strength to take your hand, he still had to process it all, bewildered at the transformation from a girl who could hardly stand to one who could beat him almost instantaneously.  “…No shit.”

From then on the three of you, Joseph, Caesar, and yourself, continued on the journey to defeat the Pillar Men.  Although he’d seen your skills, Joseph still saw you as a flower, just barely in bloom and in need of protection.  He couldn’t forgive himself if something happened to you.  Not that he was particularly planning on you falling prey to enemy traps, but even after proving yourself in battle, he still continued to see the you he’d first met pretty much anywhere outside of battle.  Thus, he couldn’t believe when you agreed to help him on his quest.  He tried to talk you out of it.  But, although your words were stuttered and repeated, you were committed, and nothing he could do would stop you.  Eventually he found himself letting his fears go.  Instead, he took to teasing you, pondering aloud how the pretty mess that was you could kick ass in battle.

Your first fights against the Pillar Men only continued to further his amazement.  What took Joseph minutes took you seconds, and even as time progressed and he learned new techniques, you always seemed to be just ahead of him.  Something about the sight of you taking on ancient super-human godlike beings, easily twice your size both in terms of height and muscle, always managed to astonish him.  Although he continued to tease you, he genuinely did admire you.  His affection built but he hid it beneath playful words.  “You don’t mess about, do you?” he’d joke after a battle, when the both of you were finally able to catch a break.  You would smile and shake your head.  “Not in a fight, at least.”  A giggle would follow, and he’d run a hand through your hair.  You were absolutely precious.

After Caesar’s death, the two of you only grew closer, you left wordless at the loss of your friend while Joseph was tormented equally in yells and cries out for his lost partner.  You both tried to help one another get through it, and although evidently your fighting - both of yours - was impacted poorly initially, the two of you quickly learned to read one another to step in should the other need a moment.  In the end your grief only made both of you stronger and more determined to end it all.  “You absolutely confuse me, you know,” he’d admit with a lazy smile when it was just the two of you alone.  You would look at him with innocent eyes and inquire, “Is that a bad thing?”  “Not at all.”  He paused, and suddenly planted a kiss on your cheek.  “In fact, I think that’s why I love you.”

J o t a r o ;;

The instant he heard his klutz of a classmate had a stand, he felt like the world had been flipped on its side.  How were people like him and people like you even remotely similar?  You were practically half his height, almost always stumbling in the hallways, tripping over your own feet and stringing your words together as gracefully as tangled Christmas lights in mid-July.  Quite frankly he thought you were perhaps one of the weakest people he’d ever known.  Your antics were precisely the opposite of his, and he couldn’t care less.

He gave a heavy sigh and tipped his hat down to hide the dissatisfaction that twisted his face when you were recruited to fight Dio.  All you were going to be was dead weight; someone whose constant mistakes would not only drag the group down but possibly risk all of their lives, undoubtedly forcing the more compassionate Crusaders to help you rather than finish up battle.  He, his grandfather, Kakyoin, and Avdol were well-trained.  And up against an immortal being.  And then…there was you.  You could hardly make it up the stairs without your foot catching one of the ledges, and for some godforsaken reason, the others had made the extremely bright decision to take you to fight a person equivalent to a god of sorts.

The first time you were truly able to shine was in the fight against Polnareff.  As most of your group fell into defense, in unfamiliar territory against a powerful man with an equally powerful stand, not to mention a minion of Dio, it was only Jotaro and, surprisingly enough, you, who took to offense.  Before anyone could so much as get a hit in, you were lunging at him, deftly avoiding his quick movements and flashing about at an unprecedented pace, setting elaborate ruses to catch him off guard and swiftly landing the first blows within seconds, showing no intention of stopping as you continued to watch for his movements and make your moves.  After a moment of shock, Jotaro joined you, and even though it was you who ultimately took him down, he still couldn’t believe his eyes.  Perhaps it had just been a stroke of luck.  That had to be it.

You became fast friends with the other members of your team, especially Kakyoin, but Jotaro, given his reserved nature, atop his doubt at your abilities, remained rather cold to you.  It took a good few battles for him to realize that this wasn’t the work of some lucky streak.  Somehow, that same clumsy schoolgirl that he’d found a hindrance was now a warrior on the front lines, tackling enemy after enemy, always managing to find weak points and strike viciously, rivaling, if not surpassing, his own ability.  Eventually an odd sort of respect bloomed in his chest for you.  It rose with every moment in battle, but wavered every moment outside it.  Nonetheless, he figured he should at least stop isolating himself from you, especially as the two of you often wound up working together to take down an enemy.  Your nature was still off-putting for him, but he found you to be a very sweet girl, strong not only in battle but also in mind, even if lacking in other departments.  The two of you began coordinating your abilities for the best outcomes possible, and, in doing so, found affection to one another.

Although he’d never admit it, he was falling hard for you, both the silly klutz and the talented fighter all in one.  He noticed you seemed to feel the same.  Often the two of you spent your free time together, even if it was in silence, partially because of Jotaro’s stoic personality and your quietness so as to prevent you from fumbling your words and appearing stupid.  But as time passed, the two of you opened up to one another (at least, as much as could be expected).  His seriousness played off well with your innocence, and although he’d always find himself giving his signature yare yare daze every time you wound up messing something up, he learned to appreciate it as a part of you.  

After the primary bridge of your friendship - Kakyoin - was hospitalized, he grew frustratingly concerned for you, and you for him.  He seemed much more protective of you, strangely so, not just to you but to everyone, and although you would always assure him you’d be fine a sense of duty to keep you safe would still cloud his mind, only to slowly dissipate as you proved your skills over and over, countless times in countless battles.

“I - um, I probably annoy you a lot,” you confessed one day, after defeating an enemy stand and having a rare moment of peace in a small town, browsing the scenery, just you and Jotaro, your cheeks flushing as you continued, “s-so thanks for putting up with me.”  A nervous giggle escaped you, the redness tinting your face only growing in saturation as you prepared yourself for your next words, continuing slowly, voice wavering despite your best attempts to remain calm, “And I’ve never really…done this before, but I’ve never really felt like this before, and so what I’m trying to say - what I mean is - I think I love you.”  You closed your eyes tight, unwilling to see the expression on his face, only for a ruffling of clothing and a small grunt of acknowledgement to cause you to peek.  Jotaro had pulled his hat down over his face, put you could see a small shade of pink rising on his cheeks, mumbling a small all-too-familiar phrase.  Your heart was beating a million miles a minute - surely he’d reject you.  But instead, you found yourself with his hand on your shoulder, holding you firmly as though unwilling to let go.  “Then do me a favor, and stop tripping over yourself.”  It wasn’t a yes, but as he brushed a few stray strands of your hair back into place, you grinned like an idiot.  It was just as good as a yes, in your eyes.

The first time Jotaro ever said the words ‘I love you’ weren’t to his mother, or father, or any of his family or friends.  They were to the only one he truly, genuinely loved, with every inch of his body and mind and heart, who made his heart race and brain cloud and who he couldn’t start to imagine his life without then: you.  It was right before the battle with Dio when he pulled you aside, and, without any buildup, simply spoke the words with passion.  Before you even had the time to process them he was kissing you, holding you closer than ever before, and in his embrace the two of you formed a pact: no matter what, you were both going to make it through this, and when you were done, and the past was simply that, the past, you would begin your bright future, together.

[alirhi]

chapter 10

Title: Winter's Frost Chapter: 10/? Fandom: MCU Rating: R to be on the safe side Pairing: Loki/Bucky Summary: Loki never told anyone the real reason he became so obsessed with Midgard. Much better to let them think he wanted to hurt his brother than draw their attention to the one thing in the universe that makes the God of Mischief truly vulnerable. WARNINGS: not much, really. References to torture, but nothing explicit Notes: as usual, this fic relies heavily on you having seen the Marvel movies (or at least CA:TFA, CA:CW, Thor, and The Avengers, so far) but like... why would you be reading MCU fanfic if you hadn't seen the MCU? XD

He never would have broken; he just hoped Thanos and his idiot henchmen didn't realize that. The torture he endured probably would have broken Thor in about half the time they'd been at it, but Loki was far stronger than anyone had ever given him credit for. If not for Eira, alone on an alien planet with a complete stranger, Loki probably would have held out indefinitely, just to piss them off. As usual, though, he didn't have time to mess with them or test his own endurance. He had to get to Midgard, collect his daughter and her father regardless of Bucky's feelings on the subject, and disappear.

So he pretended to break. He held out for a while for show, and then folded like a poorly constructed house of cards. Thanos – not a very trusting lad, that one – insisted on worming into Loki's mind with that damned scepter, and he had to let him, to convince him that the God of Mischief was truly under his thumb.

It was the most unpleasant sensation, having the energy of that thing wiggling through his brain. He did his best to keep it at bay, only letting the stone in the scepter into the very edge of his mind, but it still felt like a swarm of beetles crawling around under his skull. It, and the energy required to keep it from taking over or to keep himself from shaking it off entirely, left him exhausted and disoriented.

You will have your moment of glory, Thanos had told him with a smirk as he handed Loki the scepter. Just serve your purpose and bring me what's mine.

"I am Loki of Asgard," he announced to the humans between him and that damned cube, "and I am burdened with glorious purpose." They didn't catch the bitter sarcasm in his tone, but that was alright. He hadn't expected them to.

"Loki?" Why did this old man look so familiar? "Brother of Thor?"

Loki just barely stopped himself from gagging, and scoffed instead. Of course. This was one of Thor's little human friends. Well, at least he could have a bit of fun while he was here; he touched the tip of the scepter to Selveig's chest and watched the sickly blue light seep into his irises. See how Thor felt when he learned that Loki had made one of his precious human friends his little dancing puppet! It also helped that Selveig was some sort of scientist; he had some working knowledge of the Tesseract, and that would likely come in handy.

He really didn't give a damn about the Tesseract or Thanos' mad mission; still, it was best to keep up appearances until he could find a way to wiggle free of him once and for all. As long as he could feel the scepter's energy slithering around his brain, he knew there was a chance that Thanos, or his creepy underling The Other, could track what he was doing. The only thing worse than playing the obedient servant would be leading them straight back to Bucky and Eira. His best bet was a 'poorly executed' plan to distract Thor and his little band of human misfits.

Pity he had to fight them. He rather liked Banner and Stark. There was one silver lining to all this insanity, though: The redhead. That bloody slag, Natasha. The moment he looked into Barton's mind and saw her, that woman who'd dared put her hands on his Sergeant, he couldn't wait to make her suffer.

Damn. Jealousy truly was the ugliest, most uncomfortable emotion.

It caught him off guard when they sent her in first. As he gleefully informed her, he'd expected some sort of torture first, and then the woman would be sent in as a 'friend', a balm, and he'd be expected to fold and cooperate. None of them knew the depth of his hatred for this woman, so he was sure they didn't expect him to easily resist her 'charms.'

He taunted her for a bit, reveling in the increasing look of horror in her eyes, the way they filled with tears she fought valiantly not to shed, the way she trembled...

"You're a monster!" she whispered as she turned her back to him, still visibly shaking.

Loki chuckled, the insidious little devil in his heart placated by Natasha's apparent distress. "Oh, no," he gloated, at this point just making shit up as he went along. "You brought the monster." Honestly, what did that even mean?

Suddenly steady and clear-eyed, she turned and looked him right in the eye. "So, Banner. That's your play."

"What?" Oh, right. Barton had told him she had a knack for wrangling the beast within Banner; likely, she'd been the one sent to recruit him. Well, that worked out, didn't it?

He pretended to be shocked by her deductive skills until she was out of sight, and then rolled his eyes. Let them give him credit when Banner lost control of the beast in the fray about to come; it hadn't actually been his plan, but he knew it would certainly happen. These misfits were nothing if not predictable.

Maybe he'd luck out and find her mangled corpse somewhere at the end of all this. Surely Bucky wouldn't care, right? They'd only had a chance encounter... Perhaps Loki just wouldn't tell him. Really, was there any reason for him to know this random woman he'd slept with while brainwashed was dead? No, darling, I have no idea what happened to Agent Romanov! None at all. She's a spy, isn't she? Perhaps she disappeared on her own...

Oh, bugger. He was going to have to make sure she survived this, wasn't he? Even as he mocked Thor and tricked him into the glass cage, he was thinking about that bloody redhead. If the Sergeant remembered her, likely Bucky would, as well. Loki had never lied to him before; he certainly wasn't about to start now. Ugh. Guilt was an even worse feeling than jealousy!

Brother safely sequestered from the fight for the time being, Loki set about retrieving the scepter and the Tesseract, and making sure the vessel the fragile humans were on remained intact long enough for Stark and Rogers to get it at least partially functioning again. It was exhausting, trying to keep up the appearance of attempting to kill these people while simultaneously trying to keep them safe.

He could feel the scepter's hold on his mind weakening, thank Frigga, but he didn't dare even think of going to Siberia yet. Until he was free of it completely, without pushing it away himself and alerting Thanos, he didn't dare go anywhere near Bucky. At least he had command of the Chitauri, once he could bring them to Midgard. They would make a delightful distraction for all parties involved, and if he timed things just right, he could even send a few of them to SHIELD headquarters to turn HYDRA into nothing but a lake of blood and bone fragments.

Oh, Stark had made it home. Secretly pleased to see that he was well, Loki smirked – trying desperately to hide his giddy grin – and met him inside. "Please tell me you're going to appeal to my 'humanity,'" he teased, eager for banter with a mind as sharp as his own for the first time since... Well, since before Bucky had been captured and reported killed in action.

"Uh, actually I'm planning to threaten you."

"You should've left your armor on for that." This man was adorable. Once all was said and done and they were safe, he wondered if it would be strange to invite Stark over for dinner.

"Yeah." Stark's tone was endearingly dismissive. "It's seen a bit of mileage, and you've got the glowstick of destiny."

Trying not to laugh, Loki glanced down at the scepter. I am never calling it anything else again.

"Would you like a drink?"

He couldn't contain his laughter completely; he really liked Stark. Disguising it as mocking and arrogance, he hastily told him, "Stalling me won't change anything."

"No no no, threatening!" Stark gestured to the impressively stocked bar. "No drink, you sure? I'm having one."

One more second, and he was going to break and crack up. Or hug the man. Either way, it wouldn't look good. Hoping to buy a moment to collect himself, he spun on his heel and moved over to the glass wall overlooking the city.

"The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that." I wish you, Banner, and Thor would just get as far away as possible before they arrive. He turned back to face the other man, hoping the tremor he could hear in his own voice wasn't audible from across the room. "What have I to fear?"

"The Avengers." Loki must have looked as confused as he felt; Stark rolled his eyes and clarified, "That's what we call ourselves; sorta like a team. Earth's mightiest heroes type thing."

"Yes." Loki smirked. "I've me them."

Picking up the mocking in his tone, Stark chuckled. "Yeah, takes us a while to gain any traction, I'll give you that one. But... Let's do a headcount, here. Your brother, the demi-God-"

Adoptive brother, he wanted to snap as he scoffed and turned away, and barely that!

"A super soldier, a living legend who kinda lives up to the legend... A man with breathtaking anger management issues..."

Loki couldn't help grinning at that description. He liked Banner quite a bit, and the mindless green beast was an endless source of entertainment.

"A couple of master assassins," Stark continued, pointing at the pacing Trickster, "and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them."

"That was the plan."

"Not a great plan."

That's because you don't know what the plan was for. He grinned, but his mirth was short-lived as Stark calmly made his way around the bar and approached him.

"When they come, and they will, they'll come for you."

He'd thought of that, but still hadn't thought his way out of it quite yet. "I have an army," was all he could think to say.

"We have a Hulk."

"Oh, I thought the beast had wandered off." He'd likely return, of course, but hopefully in time only to slow the Chitauri, not to capture Loki.

He didn't want to, but as the conversation went on he realized he didn't have much of a choice. Hoping it wouldn't do any lasting damage to that beautiful brain of his, he touched the scepter to Stark's chest... and nothing happened. Confused, he tried again. Still nothing, and now Stark's witty retorts were just grating on him. Spotting the cuffs he hadn't been wearing before and assuming they were some sort of tech, he decided to just vent his frustrations the old fashioned way. With a growl, he lifted Stark by the throat and threw him out a window.

Sure enough, something shot out the hole in the glass after him, and within seconds, Stark appeared in a new suit. Good. At least Loki had managed to vent a little anger without actually harming one of the few humans he respected.

The knock to the head he received when he was blasted back a few seconds later was enough to finally dislodge the energy of the scepter fully. He'd have heaved a sigh of relief if the Tesseract hadn't chosen that exact moment to finally tear open the space above the tower and let the Chitauri through. Unleashing Hell on an unsuspecting city miles from even the closest of his actual targets had never exactly been his favorite plan, but it seemed that was the only one that was actually going to play out.

As usual, even his hated backup plan didn't end the way he'd hoped. By the end of the afternoon, two things were quite clear to Loki: One, he was going to have to take a breather and then find a way to disappear once he was healed.

And two, he didn't much like Banner anymore.

_____________________________________________________

Next Masterlist

[fanficwriter013]

The Tower: Unexpected - 16

The Tower: Unexpected An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist Previous //

Pairing:  Avengers x ofc, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count:  1840

Warnings:  pregnancy

Synopsis: A little over 2 years after moving into the Avengers Tower, Elly finds herself pregnant against the odds.  While some are excited, others are terrified, and pregnancy that none expected to happen causes rifts through the group and threatens to end the relationship.  

Author’s Note:  Written with @avengerscompound whom I am slowly driving to insanity with my murderous temper

Chapter 16: Thor

We all settled into the new house.  It was far enough away from the construction and with the forest to act as a barrier so it didn’t really bother us.  When the offices were mostly ready operations began to start up again.  Including recruitment and liaising with the government.

None of that affected me very much though.  There was always a few people at home and they were all planning to be there full time for a while after the babies were born until they gradually eased back into things after the compound was done.

At 35 weeks not much had changed.  I was still on partial bed rest.  Which meant very little really.  I mostly just hung around the house or garden and took it easy.  It was nice having them around as much as they were.  It was nice all of us going to bed in the same bed and eating our meals together.  This change was good for us.  They had been my family for years but it was only really now that we were acting like it.

We were all eating together when a storm hit us out of nowhere.   A full thunderstorm, complete with pummeling rain and lightning.

“That wasn't in the forecast,”  Steve said, glancing out the window.

I sat up straighter and looked out the window.  “Is it Thor?”

Steve glanced over at Bucky and Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, that’s probably a safe bet,”  Steve said.

“Oh man. If you guys have orgies and I can't participate I’m gonna be so mad at you.”  I half-whined.

“They wouldn't dare,”  Natasha said.

“Good,”  I said sitting back again.  “They better not.”

“If it is him, how’d he find where we live?”  I asked.

“Heimdall, ya dork,”  Bucky said.

“Oh yeah, right,”  I said and went to take a bite of garlic bread, pausing just at my lips.  “You think he’d bring Loki this time?  Oh my god, you think Loki will be their Aunt slash Uncle?”

“El.  Zolotse. Relax okay?”   Natasha said rubbing my back.

“Lady, Elly!”  Thor boomed, striding into the room.  “I hear you are with child.”  He paused and looked me over.  “My child.”

I looked up at him opened my mouth to say something.  Closed it.  Then opened it again.  “Yours?”

“Aye, one is mine. The other belongs to the Archer.”  Thor said.

I looked down at my stomach back up at Thor and then over at Clint feeling completely dumbfounded.  “I - I - I’m having a demigod and a normal human?”

“Aye. That’s right.”  Thor said as Clint made a soft noise like he was trying to hold himself together.

“How do you know?”  I asked.

Thor chuckled and crouched down in front of me.  “Have we not done proper introductions?”

“What do you mean?”

“For how I am qualified to know this?”

I shook my head and looked around at the others to see if they understood what was going on.  They all looked as confused and shocked as I was feeling.  Thor chuckled and cupped my jaw, caressing my cheek with his thumb.  Thor chuckled.  “I am Thor son of Odin. I am also as you would phrase it. A god. Gifted in fertility.”

I dropped my jaw.  “You did this to me!”

“Well, it is my child.”  He said, looking slightly confused.

“No, I mean, I was on birth control.  You… You did it.”

“That is … a possibility.”  Thor said.  “I’m sorry if it caused you any distress.  It was certainly not intentional.”

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.  “No.  No...  I'm thankful.  These are our babies, Thor.”  I said against his skin.  “All of ours.”

He hummed and held me close, rubbing my back gently.  “That is good to hear.”

He moved and sat beside me, keeping an arm around my shoulder.  “What does this mean for them?  Will yours have powers?”

“More than likely,”  Thor said.

“Will they be born with them?  Will we have to worry about someone getting hurt because of them?”

“No, they'll come into them,”  Thor said.  “And they can be taught.”

“What about their lifespan?”  Steve asked.  “Will they outlive their mother and their twin?”

Thor nodded, a frown set on his features.  “That is probable.”

I looked down and ran my hand over my stomach.  “What do we tell them?”

“That, I don’t know.  This is a surprise to me too, Elise.”

I looked up at him.  He looked so earnest and had that same fear the others had when they found out.  But he wanted this.  I could tell.  I just couldn’t help but think about how we barely saw him.  I loved him, but he almost didn’t feel like part of this thing we had.  He was our part-time boyfriend.  How did that work if you were a father?  “Are you going to be around, Thor?  I can’t have them think they aren’t wanted.”

He frowned.  “As much as my duties allow.  I will make sure they know they are loved.”

“Do we tell them you’re their biological father.  We weren’t going to find out.  But… are they… if they’re yours and you’re the king.  Do they need to know that?”  I babbled a little.  I wasn’t sure how that would work at all. They were not full Asgardians, being raised by other people on another planet.  Did that still make them in line for the throne?

“My child will have the claim to Asgard. But you don't have to tell them.”  Thor said, rubbing my back gently.

“They - they will?”

“It's their birthright.”

All I could think was how do you raise royalty?  We were not royalty.  Shit, Clint had grown up in the circus.  How were we supposed to do this?  “We have to raise a monarch?  How do you do that?”

“Well, no,”  Thor said.  “The training and such would be my responsibility.”

“And will you take them to Asgard to live?  I mean… when they’re grown up?”

“If they wish,”  Thor said.  “It’s not immediately important to immerse them in that world.”

“Okay,”  I said with a sigh.  “God…”

“Literally,”  Tony said making some of the others laugh.

“They're gonna be a handful,”  Natasha said.

“Thank god, there’s so many of us,”  I said and looked over at Clint.  “How are you doing little bird?”

“My?  It’s.  The.  Mine?”  He babbled.

“It already was right?”  I asked him.

“Well, yes.  But…”

“So this is just biology,”  I said, trying to reassure him.  “Hey guess what we now already know definitively?”

Clint shook his head.  “Don’t know.”

“These kids have blue eyes.  It’s a recessive trait and we three all have it.”

“My babies are going to be adorable,”  Wanda said.

“That would have been trying regardless because they are related to me.”  I joked.

“Okay, El,”  Sam teased.

I laughed and looked back over at Clint.  “If you need to talk about it, Clint.  You know… I went through the same thing already.”

“Right,”  Clint said.

I leaned back against the couch and ran my hand over my stomach.  “This was a lot to process.  Do we need to worry about Loki?  Will there be a Scar and Mufasa style problem?”

“I don’t think so,”  Thor said.

I smile and look at him.  “Thor has seen the Lion King.  All is right in the world.”

He kissed my forehead gently.  “I’ve been around.”

“Yeah, you have.  As evidenced by this.”  I said and pointed to my stomach.  “I’m sorry.  I just realized that this is a shock to you too.  Are you okay with this?  You didn’t plan for it.”

“No, I didn't plan for it. But it's a pleasant surprise.”  He said.

“Do you want to feel them?”

“Oh, yes.”  He said sitting up a little straighter.

I took his hand and put it on my stomach.  It wasn’t long before there was a hard kick.  He smiled widely and looked around the room.  “They shall be quite the fighter.”

Everyone laughed and I leaned against him.  “I guess they will be.  They’ve very strong.”

He kept his hand there and just felt them, a soft, slightly drunk looking smile on his face.

“Which one do you think is Thor's?”  Natasha asked.

“Which was the bigger one?  Riley?”  I said.

Thor looked up at me.  “They have names?”

“Oh yes, sort of.  We don't have a middle name for the boy yet.”  I said rubbing the back of his hand.  “We're having a boy and a girl.  The girl is named Riley Maria.  And the boy is Pietro.”

“Those are fine names.”  He said, looking down at his hand on my stomach.

“If they are yours and Clint’s maybe one of you might have an idea for our boy’s middle name.  Your father, Thor?  Or you had a brother right, Clint?”

“The middle name should not be Odin,”  Thor said.

“You want to name him after Barney?”  Clint asked.

“If you want to.  I don’t know Barney.  Except for the trying to kill you, robbing banks thing.  You still talk about him like his the best thing ever though.”  I said with a small shrug.

“You would do that?”  He asked.  He still sounded quite shocked.  It was strange really.  Almost like he’d just found out I was pregnant in the first place.

“Yes, of course.”

“Then, yes please.”

“Alright, so Barney?  Pietro Barney... whatever the heck we settle on as a last name?”

Clint shook his head.  “Oh no, no.  Not… Barney wasn’t his name.  It was just what we called him.  Charles.  Pietro Charles?”

Natasha seemed to relax a little.  “That’s much better than Barney.”

“This has been quite the night.  Found out their biological dads.  Finished naming them.  Now we just have to agree on the last name.”  I said, rubbing my side where one of the babies was kicking me.

“I might have an idea for a last name.  One that encompasses all of us rather than just branding them as having one father.”  He said.

I turned and tilted my head.  I knew the Asgardians still named children after their father, it was quite progressive that it was him suggesting a blended name.  “Oh, what is it?”

“Skjoldbærer.”  He said.

“That sounds nice, but does it mean something?”  Steve asked.

“It means bearer of shield.”  Thor said.  “Which is what we all do, is it not.”

We all turned and looked at Steve and he raised an eyebrow.  “Why are you all looking at me like that.”

“I don’t know… You’re the guy who’s good with ideas.”  I said.

“It sounds good to me.”  He said simply.

“Maybe we should vote?”  Clint suggested.

“There’s no need, everyone likes it,”  Wanda said.

“Everyone?”  Steve asked and Wanda nodded.

“Do we really just agree on the kid's full names?”  Sam asked.

I smiled and relaxed, running my hand over the swell of my stomach.  “Hello, little Skjodbærers,” I said softly.  “I can’t wait for you to come out and join us.”

// NEXT

[phantomwarrior12]

Intensify

Prompt: Confronting Chuck

Word Count: 2,157

Warnings: Blood, swearing, creepy vibes, and some fluff at the wayyyy end

Summary: Confronting God himself isn’t easy, but one must be bold for that which they hold dear.

A/N: Hey folks!

Ah yes, finally finished this one from a lovely anon. This chapter was prompted by @gabriel-spn-bingo​‘s square: Confronting Chuck. It was also partially inspired by @idabbleincrazy​‘s recent challenge and the mood board I was given, so thanks for that, hon! :)

Please leave a like/comment to let me know your thoughts! Also, I am open to prompts (especially the ones up on the bingo card), so send me prompts if you’d like to see one of these!

Enjoy!

~Phantom

-----------------------

You've been careful, systematically procuring the ingredients needed for the spell. You tell him they're to help ward the cabin, to make sure Castiel couldn't get in again--some spells you'd picked up from Rowena.

He's not entirely convinced, but he's just hopeful enough to indulge you. It goes on for another few months and all the while, things grow more complicated on Earth. He hasn't taken over, merely allowing his ghost army to run wild and unchecked throughout the states. All this time, he's been more concerned with winning your adoration to care about furthering his plans for humanity. Even after Rowena closed up hell and took away his army, he was unbothered. It's that, more than anything, that grants you hope--a fleeting prayer that your archangel is still in there somewhere and you can still get him out.

A prayer that all but vanishes when Chuck makes his presence known, tracking Gabriel on one of his escapades back to Earth and rather firmly reminds him of his duty. Gabriel had argued, Chuck hadn't approved and the archangel was beaten until his Father realized his unwillingness to unleash chaos. It became clear just how intent Gabriel was to regain the touch he aches for. In a fit of frustration, the Creator had chosen to threaten you.

From there, things had escalated. Somehow, it'd all led to this. Somehow, you're kneeling over Gabriel. Somehow, Castiel and Balthazar had come to your aid but--

"What are you waiting for?" Questions the voice behind you. Patronizing. Expectant. Insistent.

Crimson seeps from the wound in Gabriel's shoulder, cascading down the cool metal of the archangel blade your hand is wound around and you're inches away from brilliant whiskey. There was a time you'd lose yourself to the honey flecks, the glimmering gold that stared back at you with a warmth that bore into your very soul.

But not now.

Now he's battered and slouched against the wall with nothing but defeated hatred in his eyes. To your right, Castiel is slowly coming around from the beating he's taken from the archangel. To your left, Balthazar is splayed across the floor in an unconscious state.

And behind you, you hear God himself applauding in a slow, rhythmic clap that sets ever nerve on end. You steal a glance over your shoulder, almost afraid to meet his gaze as he paces closer.

"Archangel blade to the shoulder? The way you slashed his thigh and side to rescue dear, poor Castiel? Oh, I couldn't have written that final showdown better myself. A divine romance ending in a tragic act of self-preservation. I'm so proud, I could cry." He stops just beside you and your gaze shifts to Gabriel's limp form, whiskey darting between his Father and your uncertain eyes as Chuck continues, "Don't stop now, Y/N. It's the climax! You gotta finish it once and for all."

"I won't kill him."

"You don't have a choice. He's nearly killed Castiel and, oh, Balthazar is close to his second death. He's out of control, a menace. He's corrupted. You want to save them, don't you?"

"Not like this," you whisper, staring at Gabriel with a mixture of apprehension and fear.

Chuck's shoulders sag in a show of exaggerated dramatics as he rolls his eyes and kneels beside you, inspecting your tense frame, "You really are like those boys, aren't you? Sam's pitying nature, Dean's stubborn defiance, you're like a mini-Winchester." He heaves a sigh and shifts his gaze to your trembling hand on the archangel blade, watching the red liquid stain Gabriel's clothes before he looks at the youngest archangel, "Oh, Gabe, Gabe, Gabe...how's that corrupt grace working out for you?"

"Fine," Gabriel returns shortly, scowling up at his father with nothing short of contempt.

"Thought that might make for a good plot twist. Couple of angels get to come back from the dead, but surprise, the strongest isn't on your side." Chuck grins, gaze darting between you and Gabriel for a reaction. When your features don't shift beyond a glare, the grin falters with a resigned sigh as he stands, "What do I have to do to get a dramatic conclusion around here? Come on, Y/N! You're making this ending anti-climactic."

"We're not done," you bite back, fingers falling away from the blade and you can feel Gabriel's eyes on you in confusion.

Chuck scoffs, "Not done? Did you forget who you're talking to? Alpha, Omega, all that jazz? This is the end. I decide the ending, Y/N, that's part of being God."

"What kind of God puts his creations through something like this? You're not God. You're a cosmic asshole looking for cheap entertainment because you've lost the capacity to recognize the value of life. How many worlds have you done this to? Hundreds? Thousands? You got so wrapped up in your ability to create and destroy life that you never stopped to consider if you should."

Chuck doesn't appear fazed by your tirade, merely tilting his head with another overzealous shoulder sag, "Are you done? Because, great appeal for humanity, very touching. Very free-will-esque. But it doesn't change the ending to this story." The amusement fades and you shy away as he leans down, "You. Sam. Dean. Your angels and corrupted celestial pet are doomed. I could snap you all away without a second's hesitation, but I want this final battle to be worth all the sniveling and whining I've had to endure from you people. Though, I'm afraid you won't be around to see it. You see, if you won't finish off Gabriel, you can die together."

Chuck raises his hand to snap, cut short only by a cry from Gabriel, "No!"

A rush of air and suddenly you're kneeling over Gabriel in the beach house he'd trapped you in all these months. One breath. A second. A short third before you look down at Gabriel as he jerks the blade out of his shoulder and looks up at you.

"What--what happened?" You look around in confusion, chest heaving, heart pounding in a steady thrum echoing in your ears.

He tosses the blade to the side and gently pushes you off of him so he can stand on uncertain legs. You stare at him, noting the twinge of pain flashing across ordinarily veiled expressions.

"Gabriel?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Now you're worried about my well-being? You stabbed me, Y/N. Three times."

"You were going to kill Cas. What did you expect me to do?"

He narrows his eyes and starts towards the door. You could swear you notice a faint glow along his thigh, torso and shoulder, but a glimpse is all you catch before your mind shifts back to the more pressing issue. "Why doesn't he just smite us all? It'd be faster and he can't lose--"

"He can't." Gabriel secures the door and rifles through one of the book case drawers, "Despite what he claims, he's not strong enough. Whatever tweedledee and tweedledum did to him, he's weakened. He has to do this the old fashioned way." He locates the chalk and sets to work on warding sigils - not that they'll do much against God himself, but it's something.

A shadow of a smile tugs at the corner of your lips at the fragment of familiarity: what you'd call his terms of endearment for the Winchesters. It sparks hope. It sparks a warmth you haven't felt around him since before he died. "Gabe?"

He doesn't answer, moving to another wall in a whirlwind of concentration and panic.

"Gabriel?"

Still no response and you shift to your knees, summoning what strength you have left to lift yourself from the floor, "Gabe--"

"What?" He bites back, throwing his hands up and turns to face you, "What's so damned important you're interrupting my efforts to save both of our asses?"

Some part of you cowers, the rest clings to the shards of his former self. But when you open your mouth, you can't speak. The fear you've fought to ward off nags like a heavy weight in your chest and your eyes drop to the space between you, "Never mind. I'm sorry."

"You damn well should be. I can't protect you if you won't let me."

"Why do you want to protect me?" A spark of indignation forces you to gather your courage, lifting your head and staring back at him with a flame you'd thought you'd lost, "Why am I so damned important that you risk everything to save me?"

"Isn't it obvious? I've made it as obvious as I can by now." He turns back to the wall, sketching another sigil and you lean on the arm of the couch.

"All you tell me is--" Your fingers touch your ribs gingerly, "For my own safety. Important, emotionally attached, protect--" you look up at him, "It was never about being queen. I'm your last tie. I die and you're doomed to darkness. That's why you brought me here. That's what you couldn't tell me."

"What? No."

"It is." You slide off the arm of the couch, slowly making your way towards him, "Subconsciously, you hate what you've become. You knew I was the last tie and you couldn't lose me. That's why you hid me here--no enemies, Chuck couldn't find me."

"Stop it." He warns, fingers bearing down on fragile chalk until it snaps in his hand.

"Gabriel--"

He wheels and grabs your shoulders, "I said enough."

Your eyes lock with sharp whiskey, "I'm not afraid of you, Gabriel. Not anymore. I finally know what this is all about and I," y/e/c searches glittering gold, "I finally understand."

There's a flare of surprise in his eyes as your hand lifts, cautiously pressing your palm again his cheek, cradling his cheek with a warmth he's ached for all this time. The fury fades and his eyes sag shut, inclining his head into your touch.

"I know," you whisper, the pad of your thumb stroking his skin softly, "I'm here. I understand. You wanted a way out, but you couldn't do it on your own."

"I never meant--" he stops himself, jaw flexing for a brief moment before his eyes open and lock with yours. "I'm sorry."

Your nod is slight, a subtle downward tilt of your head as you offer a warm smile. "It's all right. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

He's cautious in his movements, hands ghosting over your waist before one ventures to your jaw, "You better not. I can't...you're the key, sugar. I can't do this alone."

"And you won't. We'll find Sam and Dean, they'll help us--"

"No. Not them. After everything I've done - no."

"I can talk to them. It'll be okay, Gabe.  When this is all over, we can cleanse your grace." Your fingers smooth over his hair, tucking golden locks behind his ear.

"And if you can't?"

"We'll find a way. I found a spell and after we beat Chuck? You'll be back to your old Trickster self." You assure him with a stern look, forcing the concern and apprehension from your gaze. Every nerve ignites beneath his touch, endings firing in a way that isn't wholly relief nor entirely fear. Somewhere, there's a faint alarm and yet a looming sense of comfort that strives to silence blaring crimson lights in the back of his mind. His touch is tender, his eyes mesmerizing and every ounce begs to remain in his embrace.

Is this real? Is he real?

With Chuck pulling so many strings - how many Gabriels, how many yous? How many times have you done this dance? You used to believe your celestial relationship was unique - unheard of entirely - but now? Are the two of you Chuck's 'favorite couple' now? You always find your way back to one another, not even death can part you.

So is it real?

You half expect him to speak, to disregard boundaries as he had before and know your every thought. You half expect a spiel about how all of this is real - the affection, his touch - but judging the conflict consuming whiskey, you know the same questions plague his mind.

After all of this, is it all worth it if you don't know if it's real?

It's a question you'll have to answer on your own when all is said and done. For now, now you find the Winchesters and plan your next move. For now, you allow your head to rest on the corrupted archangel's shoulder for the first time since his return and he gathers you close, cradling your frame with a tenderness you've missed.

It may not be entirely him, but he is Gabriel and that, in and of itself, inspires more hope than you could have ever imagined. Maybe, just maybe, you can have your angel back.

So, it's time to go home.

-----------------------

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[clovis-enthusiast]

Little thought about The Tyrant’s Tomb. [SPOILERS!!!!]

oKAY, so I’m gonna start off by saying that, as usual, Rick Riordan’s writing style never fails to impress and draw me in to keep reading and not stop until I’ve devoured every last word. I was DESPERATE to read this book because it took me longer to get it than usual, and I was trying to go into it spoiler free (aside from reading the snippets that Uncle Rick posted on his Twitter every now and then.) I pretty much managed to do so, and it made the experience that much more emotional for me. I went into The Burning Maze KNOWING that Jason was going to die, but I had absolutely no idea what I’d be facing in this book.

Camp Jupiter

I’m just gonna flat out say it; I was never really all that interested in Camp Jupiter in the beginning. I didn’t like the majority of the characters (aside from Dakota who is my legal son) and the camp structure (though accurate to the Romans) seemed too strict and harsh to me. The ranking systems confused me, and it all in all just did not appeal to me the way Camp Half-Blood does. However, the more I read, the more attached I grew, and although I still MUCH prefer Camp Half-Blood and would choose it in a heartbeat when choosing between the two camps, it still became an interesting place to read about. I ADORE the idea of New Rome and the sharp contrast of silly demigods like the fifth cohort vs. the strict rules and upbringing of the camp.

When Jason died in The Burning Maze and the next book was set to take place surrounding Camp Jupiter, I grew excited. I REALLY wanted to meet more of the demigods of the Roman camp and explore them more (mostly Dakota but I digress.) Although I knew reading about everyone’s reactions to Jason’s death would be hard, I fought through it and was somewhat surprised by the lack of grieving that was presented. I mean, the ENTIRE first few chapters were ALL about Jason’s coffin and Lester and Meg grieving and trying their best to get it to camp but when it actually got there there really wasn’t that much of an uproar. At first I thought that was strange but looking back at it the Romans are brought up to be strong and not let emotions take over them, and people like Hazel have to show absolute strength. Besides the camp was already in mourning over DOZENS of other campers at the time.

That was another thing that sort of bugged me. I was absolutely ITCHING to meet some new characters and granted I got a few, but the majority of the ‘newer’ characters had already been killed and served only as the undead army.

THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP. It was one thing that I think Rick did a really good job with in upping the deep and darkness of the Riordanverse series. Can you imagine fighting your undead comrades and friends?? Like holy shit, that was emotional. I was super worried I spoiled something for myself on Istagram bc I read a post someone made about Jason trying to get the undead Romans to follow him instead or direct them away from camp, but I should have known it wasn’t true since he was literally burned.

Frank

Speaking of burning, I ACTUALLY thought Rick killed Frank off. Up until this book, I hadn’t really realized how much I loved this man. His character is just so well-written and likable and when he sacrificed the wood, I was like NOOOOOOOOO. I was SO grateful he came back in the end because I was sure Rick would never hear the end of THAT one if he allowed it to really happen. On the bright side, my baby boy can now enjoy his life with a little bit more vigor and less fear now that the stick is gone for good.

New Characters

Lavinia Asimov: Okay, Lavinia is a REALLLLLLLY weird character to me. She reminds me a lot of Lou Ellen to be honest, but for some reason, she doesn’t appeal to me as much as Lou Ellen does. (Maybe it’s just because I tend to prefer minor characters) Her rebelliousness seemed a little too... forced at times?? And her whole thing with the dryads and fauns was kinda weird too, but I guess since she likes Poison Ivy, it makes sense. However, she kinda did grow on me, I suppose, and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of her.

Poison Ivy: I REALLY wished we could have met her even just once. Lavinia would not shut up about her and was CONSTANTLY rebelling against the rules in camp just to see her, so I wanna know just what kind of a character she is. I’m sure she would have been very interesting and sassy to have been Lavinia’s love interest lol

Pranjal: He’s a good boy!!! Not quite sure how to pronounce his name properly, but his appearance is adorable and I LOVE the fact that he’s a son of Aesculapius because he’s one of my favorite gods soooo... I really wish we could have seen more of him!! He’s kinda like Clovis in the way that he has like one important part, gets mentioned like two times afterwards and then never again :^/

Aristophanes: he’s a cat,,, i love him,,, 

Harpocrates: This was SO interesting and out of the blue to me having gone in spoiler free!! He’s earned a new spot up in my favorite gods list because of how interesting and mysterious he is. His concept was great and although i was sad to see him sacrificed, I hope that he and Sibyl are together wherever they are bc that was damn cute and made me so emotional afgkjldg why did Apollo have to be such a dick as a god,,,

New names with little to no info: Carl (Roman demigod,) Reza (Roman demigod,) Reginald (faun,) Felipe (faun,) Harold (faun,) Lotoya (dryad,) Buster (unicorn,) Muffin (unicorn,) Whagadoodle (unicorn,) Shirley (unicorn,) Horatio (unicorn,) One Eye (pegasus,) Small Ears (pegasus,) Boost (pandai,) Ida (Roman demigod,) Caelius (Roman demigod,) Thomas (Roman demigod,) Colum (Roman demigod,) and Terrel (Roman demigod)

Lester/Apollo

MY BOY HAS GROWN!!! He’s so human now, and I’m so proud. He doesn’t even second guess sacrificing himself or humiliating himself to save his friends. I just... I have a lot of feelings over his character development. Rick handles him SO well, and I just,,, I love him,,, i am,,, in love with him,, i would date lester papadopoulos

Meg

She’s grown to be such a doll!! I was SUPER annoyed by her in the first books, but now she’s my daughter. I love that she’s actually expressing emotions other than ‘annoying 12 year old’ now. Like I wanna protect her.

Reyna

She was a pretty good character in this book and her leaving the camp was a HUGE surprise to me. I kinda wish she was still praetor because idk Hazel just doesn’t rlly seem as fit for it as Reyna was, and I like Reyna a lot, but idk i guess it’s coolio. I was also glad Rick cleared up all the romance discourse about her too though the way he did it was kinda weird (she literally was using the word ‘ship’ out loud like wh-- and i don’t remember the venus thing at all so maybe i missed it from a different book? idk it came out of nowhere to me)

Ella and Tyson

I actually like Ella a lot now!! I used to find her quite annoying, and her relationship with Tyson felt forced, but now that I had the time to get used to her and figure out her character a little more, I do like her. She sort of treats Tyson weird, but I think towards the end, I fell for their relationship more. Tyson was literally excellent, show-stopping, breath-taking, amazing,,, like YESSS KING I LOVE YOU AND YOU PEANUT BUTTER-SMELLING SELF (that one scene where he just started dancing and apollo didn’t know if it was for the ritual or just bc he felt like it killed me)

Character Deaths

Dakota: I AM NEVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS ONE FOLKS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO REREAD THE SAME SENTENCE TO MAKE SURE THAT I WASN’T HAVING A NIGHTMARE. I PHYSICALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT RICK KILLED HIM OFF. I’M STILL EMOTIONAL OVER IT, AND JUST AJSDHF;AMNJ ‘;  NOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS THE SECOND SIBLING POLLUX HAS LOST IM GOING TO  S C R E A M  HE WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS AND HE DESERVED BETTER DAMN IT I’M LITERALLY IN SHOCK LITERALLY DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE I’M STILL IN SHOCK FROM CREST’S DEATH IN THE LAST BOOK TBH AND NOW THIS??? NOW I’M SCARED CLOVIS IS GONNA DIE JSDKLFKS the only thing that gives me comfort is that Jason can be with his friend in Elysium now fuckkkk,,, rick why did you do this to me,,, I LITERALLY CANNOT EXPRESS HOW UPSET I AM I WILL  N E V E R  HEAL

Don: Don was sort of a comic relief character in SoN, and it was very sad to see him go. He reminded me a lot of Grover, and his death scene with Lavinia ACTUALLY made me tear up. THIS BOOK MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL GOD DAKOTA AND DON WERE LITERAL BABIES RICK GIVE THEM BACK

Bobby: listen,,, we never even met this kid rlly and i was still super sad when lavinia had to kill him again and hannibal is without him and just ughhh whyyy

Julia’s mother, father, AND foster parents: HOLY SHIT RICK WASN’T THAT KIND OF OVERKILL??? I felt so bad for the poor girl, especially cause she’s like six??? But it’s very sweet that Terminus adopted her. I really liked that.

Jacob: AAHHHAHA this one made me sad too!!!! he was such a minor character, but he reminded me of Damien White and Ethan Nakamura (if he were allowed to actually be a kid,) so I think that’s why I was sort of partial to him. The way he died was SUPER horrid too, so I just,,, im big sad for him (on a good hand, he went down F I G H T I N G)

Mentions of anything relating to Hypnos or his children

Yes, i am keeping track, sue me. Somnus was mentioned one time in this book as one of the gods Apollo briefly considered summoning to his aid, and it is presumed he has some sort of tribute at Camp Jupiter had he not before. You’ll make another appearance someday Clovis, I know it :’^D 

Final Thoughts

I literally CANNOT wait for the next book (which I presume is the last one.) From what it seems, we’re returning to New York, so Camp Half-Blood will be present. I can’t wait to see my babes again, and I’m REALLY hoping more minor characters will be allowed to shine (cough clovis cough) but like i KNOW some will die and just,,, im sad,,, dakota’s death has wrecked me,,, but on the side note, the new book is coming out in my last year of school!!! i’m so excited because this series holds emotional value to me like i’ve literally gone through my high school career with trials of apollo like it was with me the whole time and it’s one of the only things that keeps me going. i just,,, i have no words to express how much this series and all the others mean to me...

thank you so much for keeping me going, uncle rick. i can’t wait to see how this all ends :^) <3 

[thetoffeefox]

Bénédiction de Dieu dans la solitude [Timid! Reader X Vergil]

Hey guys! So I am so excited that I could write this chapter finally. I wrote it because a good friend of mine who encouraged that I continue that cute, random, out of the blue one shot that I wrote become a series. I meant this idea to be for Chapter 2 but I decided against doing so and I’m happy to be using it now.  I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!  

The title of this chapter is actually the title of a piano piece,  Bénédiction de Dieu dans la solitude Compased by: Franz Liszt. 

The title translates to The Blessing of God In Solitude

        The peace of the afternoon was something Vergil was taking great pleasure in. After a series of days where the heat was unbearable a day of overcast made it where it was not just the orphans, Kyrie, and Nero were caring for were going outside but all the adults. He didn’t mind the children they were a change when he first started living here. Not only did he have to get used to being a father and adjusting to the human way of life again but he had to adjust to in some ways being a grandparent. It was frustrating and downright irritating. The boys didn’t take to him well at first and the feeling was mutual, but he would not show his son or brother than he couldn’t handle a couple of children. That was then, and this was now and he sometimes enjoyed their company and found himself partial to Julio. Closing his book Vergil scanned the patio and again for what felt like the hundredth time this week he found himself drawn to the piano sitting off the side. It had been forever since he had played. He couldn’t recall when the last time was, which suggested he had to at least have been a teenager, maybe even as far back before his mother died. She loved when he played. One of her favorite things to do was sit in the formal living room on the couch and watch him, praising him even when he messed up.  Lifting the lid he plays, and it doesn’t go unnoticed because he wasn’t the only one taking advantage of the house being empty. You were currently working on a crochet hat for a child. It was a quick and efficient way to make money to help Kyrie and Nero.

      Most of Fortuna’s residents especially the elderly did not like outside goods and preferred handmade ones’s so you had a steady clientele that liked your work. When the melody filled your senses, a gasp slipped from you and your work fell to the floor. The tune was one you were very familiar with; you heard it for a good part of your childhood. You knew Kyrie could play a little, but this piece seemed to be something above her skill level. That wasn’t something you'd say in front of Nero though, he was defensive about her musical abilities. Then again he was defensive about everything with her. It showed he wasn’t a straight-up punk, only a little bit of one. The tune rang throughout the house and it carried you all the way downstairs and why you were surprised at who was sitting at the piano was beyond you. The way the sunlight was hitting him made your heart skip a beat. How could one person be so beautiful was beyond you. It almost made you jealous at how good looking he was. At this point surely he knew you were here, or that’s what you thought until you took a step down on the patio the floorboards creaking. It halted him as his head turned in your direction. Shit, he didn’t know. The look on his face was anything but pleased, you couldn’t blame him though because after seeing the way his nimble fingers moved over the keys you could tell that it was indeed a complex piece. Red rushes to your cheeks, somewhat out of embarrassment and due to once again he just looked so god damn beautiful. 

“S..Sorry, the piece sounded familiar... And...Uh, I wanted to see who was..pla-playing.”  Stuttering out you look at the floor as the finish on the floorboards suddenly becoming one hundred percent more interesting than what it really was.

“Do you play?” He asks his features no longer showing any trace of his earlier irritation.

“Uh, oh um no… My grandmother tried to teach me, I couldn’t get the hang of it. I mean she played the piano...She played that piece a lot.”  You stumble on your wording and all it does is make your face heat up more and your heart race. 

     I should just dig a hole and put myself in it and let Dante kill me. That thought rings in your head because of the sheer amount of embarrassment you felt by stumbling over your words. It was just one of those days that you could not communicate well with Vergil. You hated days like these; it felt like your anxiety was in overdrive. It wasn’t just Vergil you would have trouble with it would be everyone and everything. Tasks that you would have no trouble performing at all any other day would be overwhelming. Right now though being alone with Vergil was really making your brain scream at you. Confusion raises in you as he stands up and stays next to the seat looking at you with an expectancy until it clicks. He... wants me to play? The amount of flush your cheeks were gaining was making them pulse and hurt. Did he not understand what you said? You couldn’t get the hang of it. No, you amended he did, but you can tell he didn’t care. Gulping you make your way to the bench and sit at it, and you once again find yourself chewing on your lower lip. Honestly, he should pay for the amount of chapstick you use because of him. The only thing you remembered was twinkle twinkle little star, and you didn’t want to play that with him nearby, but what else could you play? Taking a deep breath you place your hands on the keys and a second later you hear a huff of... amusement? You knew that sound anywhere; it was something you looked for when he was still training you. It was something he used to taunt you and poke at you. Cheeks puffing up and most of the pink leaving them your head snaps up and your challenging gaze meets his amused but soft one. It makes you deflate and cock your head to the side before his hand presses against the middle of your back. Instantly you straighten it, used to his touch ques on how your posture should be. 

    Well at least it was just your back that needed correcting. Before another thought can pass through your mind, he moves behind you and you find his hands going over the top of yours it feels like a jolt of electricity goes up your arms. His frame looming over you from behind as his cheek brushes against your forehead. The nervous pit in your stomach doubles in size and you suddenly feel light-headed, if you don’t pass out it will be a miracle. Surely he hears your rapid heartbeat, surely he sees just how much of a nervous flustered puddle you are. His fingers press down on yours making the keys strike along the strings in the piano's soundboard. Oh... Oh, he’s helping me play… This continues for what feels like an eternity him guiding you to play the piece you adored and looked forward to each Sunday afternoon after you went to church. The feeling of wanting to faint disappeared but it was replaced with a giddy feeling that felt as if you were intoxicated or high. It might have something to do with the way he smells because damn whatever cologne he was wearing suited him. Vergil also would be lying if he tried to say that he wasn’t doing this to be close to you. Over the course of the past few months especially after each night he had a night terror there you were in the kitchen wearing the most ridiculous cartoonish pajama bottoms with a cup of chamomile tea waiting for him. It was an unspoken agreement. One he was uncertain about how he should feel. He wanted to ask Nero about it because lord knows he wasn’t going to talk to Dante about it, but he decided against it. He decided against asking Nero about the foreign feeling of serenity and peace he felt when in your presence because he craved it. He craved being near you and close to you. 

    Right now he was in a sort of bliss like state as well because of your scent melded in with your shampoo, he so deeply wanted to just bury his nose in your hair. It took all his self-restraint and focus on not to do so. All the while in the back of his mind he was wondering what in gods name was going on with him? Why did he enjoy the closeness? Why did he feel what he was feeling? What was he even feeling? Once the piece was done he pulled away reluctantly and noted how he felt this feeling of loss by not having your warmth. You turn and look at him a small smile on your face. “Thank you..” It’s a low whisper and he almost doesn’t hear it over the rapid beating of your heart. Vergil doesn’t know why but it finally clicks he doesn’t know if it was the calm peacefully look on your face or the smile paired with joyful and admiring eyes, but it clicks. Because even though your heart is beating faster than it should the look on your face tells a different story. It is not one of fear and that holds him in place. Before he can delve any further into it a knock on the door startles both of you. 

“Um Mr. Vergil, Nero needs your help with something. He asked me to get you.” Kyrie’s voice was light and even.

    He nods at her and dare you say it he leaves quicker than what he normally would. Almost as if he is desperate to leave the room, to get away from you because the silent look you both would give each other to excuse your presence is not given. In fact, he doesn’t look at you all. The only thing you can do now is sit at the piano throughly confused with Kyrie who seems to have a confused look about her as well.

[alizabear]

A Letter to My Family

I hate writing this stuff cause I don't know how to truly formulate this idea without coming across...cliche, cheesy, preachy, or not very knowledgeable. I guess it may be just a confidence thing, who knows. Anyways, here we go.

This semester has been one of the most challenging in my academic career. Honestly, I am neglecting my homework to write this. But, with the hustle and bustle of school, work and having a relationship, and then trying to sliver out some sort of free time in all that can be a lot, especially going into the holidays. Hey, don't get me wrong, despite all the stress I am very grateful for the stuff that keeps me busy. Not everyone has a job or gets an education. 

But as I approach the holidays, and as I ignore my homework, I began to think about family. Ya know, I think it is easy to do one of two things (or both) with family.

One, you kind of just neglect what they mean, cause hey, they'll always be there for you (the one's that are, I don't know everyone's family situation).

And two, you are their number one fan. I swear, my parents are THE best.

Looking at the holidays as what I consider myself now as a full fledged "adult" purely based on my age (26), and not entirely based on how I feel inside (though I do feel tired all the time, so that partially qualifies me too, right?), I want to key in on my family.

Oh family, oh holidays, all those warm, fuzzy feelings right?

But with Thanksgiving knocking on our door let me be thankful for my perfectly imperfect family.

Ya know, no family is perfect for the obvious, "humans aren't perfect" ordeal. But man, I got to say, my family is pretty chill, pretty stable if I do say so myself. No real issues that I have ever personally had to address, though, to their credit I am pretty much the baby of the family, so who knows what I have been shielded from. But I have witnessed families be torn apart, kids grow without a parent or grow up in an abusive situation. Some kids had to deal with addiction issues. Some families are known for getting together and just arguing each time they are together. For the most part, not us. 

I am a child of divorce. I got to say, probably the worst thing my parents "did to me." Though it was not an action taken directly towards me. Oh sure, my parents have made mistakes or argued with me where we have gotten really angry with each other. I used to get so mad at my mom when I was a real young kid I would leave her angry letters in our mail box for her to find. Though I usually wrote her many more love letters instead. I definitely still butt heads with my dad, which I chalk up to generational, personality differences, but I think he's the wisest person ever so it's fine. 

I think with whatever mistakes my parents did make, and whatever effect the divorce had on me, it just is simply not on my horizon anymore.

Let's get really real for a hot second. Not long after my parents decided to divorce my depression in middle school went into its full effect - I began to hurt myself and things got really dark for some time. And I've grown with my depression and my anxiety and realized that, that would have occurred no matter what and I don't blame my parents for it for a second. Though I am sure depression brain at the time was angry with the entire world, though mostly myself. I mean, I remember I wrote and sent a card to my Aunt saying I would love to live with them because their home ALWAYS made me happy and it would be easier than dealing with what's going on at home. But things got better in time.

Well, long, confusing story short, I have learned to deal with my mental health and give it up to God. It is certainly a struggle (though drastically different from childhood, no harming for me friends) but I think the most important part of it all is that I did not let my depression and the anger that came with it stick to my relationship with my parents.

I think it would have been easy to put all the blame on them and not take responsibility for myself. I think it would have been easy to make them the scapegoat, despite their problems only being a small sliver of my internal issues. I think I could have resented them for not doing x, y, and z different. But I've always been fortunate that God granted me maturity at a younger age and made me realize, that one, forgiveness is great, two, they are not to blame, and three, you only get one set of parents. 

I am lucky my situation was never worse. I was never abused or forgotten. And that's not to suggest people can't be angry or upset, even if it can be worse, but I decided for myself that life is too short to make the world your enemy, especially the people who have sacrificed for me beyond my comprehension.

As I have grown up, and now in my mid-ish twenties...my parents are like my greatest prize, and my best friends. I am so grateful that even after a divorce, my parents are still kind to each other, can rely on each other, and that we can all spend time together, even outside of holidays. We have always stayed a family, even a broken one. 

My favorite time of year is around the holidays though, and it is for the easy, cheesy reason of the fact that I get to spend a dedicated time celebrating with my family. Those traditions have moved around and shifted. Some people have left, some people are no longer with us at all, and some of us have simply grown up.

My greatest fear is that someday I will have to face losing all of this. If that fear alone is not enough to make someone forgive...dang. 

Anyways...

Thank you Mom and Dad for being the perfectly imperfect parents God blessed me with. The road has never been smooth, but that's life. But I have never seen you guys waiver in your love for me. I think it's easy to forget the toll life, the divorce, our actions as your children even may have taken on you. As children I think we sometimes forget to acknowledge that. But know that I amazed that not only were you strong in withstanding that (even if you ever felt weak) but that you did it while raising us, you did it all while loving and giving to us, you did it while still making mistakes and failing as humans, but I love you immensely all for it. I acknowledge you both and I thank the Lord that I get such giving and generous people - who cares about the bad stuff from the past anymore anyways?

I would like to also say, that the other portions of my family have helped me feel loved and help me grow too. They helped me, whether they realize it or not, in those dark times, simply for their generous, loving hearts.

Let's quickly pivot on over to my Aunt and Uncle for a quick second. I grew up visiting them several times a year, and always loving going to Fresno to see them (I love all of my other family too, so very much, but these two are like another set of parents for me). And as I have grown as into being an adult, my love and adoration for them has only increased. I didn't live there 24/7, but in what I know and what I felt, they are people of the Lord. They are some of the most thoughtful and generous and wise and obedient people you can find. Their hearts inspire me so much. Again, very perfectly imperfect and I thank God for you all being there for me.

I hope when I become a wife and a parent I can become some rad combination of them and my parents. Like a super spouse/parent.

I don't know guys. I don't know where I am going with a lot of this other than to say...I go on the internet and story after story is someone losing a loved one. And I just can't imagine that pain.

I think life is too short to not celebrate people. 

I am already anxious about what I've written cause I really wanted to give some back story but now I am scared it is outweighing the nice stuff? I just kinda want to write every single reason why I love all these people - but maybe I can love on them and remind them in other ways too. 

I don't know who is going through what out there, and my experiences and feelings may not match yours - but whoever it may be, treasure the people you love. Deeply love them, thank them, forgive them too if you haven't (remember, not forgiving is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die). But look around you and be stupidly grateful.

More and more I feel like I am going around feeling like... thank  you Lord that I have this person. Thank you Lord that they gave so much that I don't even realize. Thank you Lord that they are imperfect humans, who had to deal with a lot while also dealing with me. Thank you Lord for their love or their friendship or whatever it may be. Help me to be more loving and thankful and forgiving and honest with my emotions and responsible with them and generous with my love just as you are Lord. And I still do not think I am doing it remotely enough. So maybe this is a good first step?

I leave you with this.

Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

[rowanismybae]

Unexpected Visitor - chapter 3

A new chapter is out! This time it’s Fenrys’ POV again! Enjoy! Tagging @my-life-is-a-drama-book and my wife @deathbytitanium !!

--

It’s been 4 days since the girl had awakened. Finally, she was transferred to her chambers this morning and now he was walking towards her bedroom to escort her to dinner with the Queen and her court. He had accepted the job since his bedroom was fairly close to hers.

As he walked he remembered the talk the Court had the day after she woke up.

Aelin’s eyes were puffy and red. Her face was… indecipherable. Rowan had his arm around her and his fingers trailed her ribs gently. She had a book in front of her at the table and her eyes were glued to it. Rowan kissed the top of her head and she looked at him with a small smile on her lips. We all sit and Lorcan, as usual, was the first one to speak.

“You can’t be seriously thinking about letting the girl stay here, Aelin,” he said and neither of the royalties seemed to care about his tone. Elide, on the other hand, poked him and frowned.

“I do, actually,” Aelin said with a low voice, but strong. “She was speaking the truth. I read the first book yesterday… it was so accurate: every thought, every piece of clothing, every move, smirk and… just everything. Plus I asked Yrene to read her chapters and she was astonished. She said it was true to what she thought and felt as well. So I believe her.”

Lorcan started to protest and Aedion followed him with his own fears and stuff, but she cut them off.

“It doesn’t mean I trust her. We don’t know her, who she is. Her story is true and she swore to not harm anyone, but we - I don’t know her. So she’ll stay here where we can keep an eye on her. And that’s why you’re all here. I’ll need help with that. Oh, and Lys, you should definitely read this after Rowan finishes. You’ll get why I hated you so much.” she said grinning.

Lys rolled her eyes as Lorcan made a movement to leave the table, but Elide held him in place. She was starting to show her pregnancy belly; Lorcan still didn’t look pleased and he started to murmur indecipherable things. They all ignored him and started to talk about the ball in two months. There was a lot to do actually and the meeting ended up taking longer than they anticipated.

Today, Mia was shown to her room. The maids said she was stunned by it, and she jumped in the bed and almost cried when she noticed that the mattress wasn’t bouncy and since she had a bad back, a dense mattress was better. The maids also said that she asked to be shown to the kitchen and she asked Emrys if she could help. Apparently, she stayed there until the dishes and pots from lunch were cleaned and then she went to her bedroom and stayed there until now.

Some said they heard her singing or humming and some stuff being pushed around, but two hours ago all sound stopped. So, Fenrys was on his way to her bedroom to take her to dinner. As he reached her door, he stopped and listened. No sounds and saw no lights coming from under the door. ‘Huh, that’s weird’ he thought with a frown.

He knocked three times. He heard her moving in the bed, some blankets being moved and her yawning. He knocked again. She moved in bed again. He heard footsteps and the door opened. He took a step back.

She had a messy hair, she was rubbing her eyes and yawning again. She was using a gray cotton nightgown with something drawn in the front and the words ‘BB-8 ASTRO DROID” under it. He had no idea what that meant but said nothing about it. Weird humans...

“Hey… what’s up?” she asked looking confused. She glanced the hallway towards the clock on the wall and looked back at him. She was blinking from the light. Her bedroom was totally dark, except the light coming through the open doors of the balcony.

“I’m here to take you to dinner.” He said gently and her expression went from confusion to surprise and then scared.

“Am I late? Oh God, I slept too much?” she looked at the clock again.

Fenrys chuckled. “No, no. I’m early. But considering you’re still in your nightgown, I might say I arrived just in time.” he smiled and she blushed twisting the fabric with her fingers.

“Yeah, I was feeling tired after working in the kitchen and organizing my bedroom after it so I decided to take a nap. Thanks for waking me up.” she looked inside her room and back at him. “Come in, I’ll change in a sec.” He hesitated and she rolled her eyes. “I’ll change in the bathroom, I’m not sexually assaulting you or trying to seduce you,” she smirked and he went in. “Can you light up the candles, please? I always forget about the lighting. I’m still suffering the absence of my phone, internet, energy, using my notebook and stuff… I guess you don’t know how addicted you are until you’re deprived of those things...” she shook her head while closing the door.

Fenrys always enjoyed being inside someone else’s bedroom, you could find out a lot about the person just looking at it. He tried to play cool like he wasn’t checking everything out and went for the candles. “How is the lighting system where you come from?” he asked while working with the candles. He could see few changes here and there in her bedroom like the position of the desk and the chaise, a small table and some weird paintings here and there. She was going through her wardrobe picking up what to wear.

“It was electrical lighting.” she paused as if struggling with the words. He had no idea what that meant. “It’s hard for me to explain… it’s like… imagine an electric eel. It’s like that energy that runs through wires and stuff and we had light bulbs that when that energy is on it light up the bulb… I don’t know how to explain, sorry.” she looked at him with a pained expression and shrugged. The movement made her nightgown go up to her legs a little more revealing more of her thighs. What? She had nice legs.

“It’s okay. I was just curious.” she nodded and looked at her clothing choices and then back at him.

“Is this a formal dinner or…?” she asked biting her lip.

“No, I don’t think so. She just wants you to know everyone and vice versa.” he shrugged and she nodded.

“I’ll be right back.” she said entering the bathroom.

He looked around more freely now and could hear her in the bathroom changing. He tried not to think of her naked. Why was he having to restrain himself from thinking of her naked?? She wasn’t gorgeous like the females or males he bedded before or his Court friends… but still there he was thinking of her.

He shook his head and walked towards one of the paintings and took it in his hand. It was small and very, very realistic. Who did that was very skilled. In the painting, he saw Mia and an older woman. There were not many similar characteristics between them, but he knew it was her mother. The smile and the eyes were alike and the laughter in Mia’s mouth was so genuine he just knew she was her mother. The way she spoke of her before just made clear how much she loved her and missed her.

He placed it on her nightstand again and went for another one on her desk. This one had more people in it, and among them, her mother and Mia. They were smiling and joy irradiated from all of them, except a small boy around his 8 or 9 years and his smile was forced; it was funny to watch. Fenrys couldn’t stop a smile to form on his lips. He took another one with Mia and other females with her. One had only another girl, both making weird faces. The other had two other girls smiling. He felt like the one girl with a grim was closer to her than the other two. She also had another one of two cats and another one with three other people: a man, her mother and a child. They were all smiling.

She also had another one of just the girl as a baby and one with her and the girl. Then Mia and a baby boy. And almost hidden on her bookshelf was a picture of her and a man very, very similar to her.

“That’s my father,” she said and Fenrys almost jumped out of his skin. He was so focused on the small paintings that he didn’t ever hear her coming out. She was on the bed putting on her shoes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go through your stuff like that..” he was being honest, the paintings were so vivid and realistic and they all held so much love that he couldn’t stop himself. She smiled as she stood up and went by his side.

“Don’t worry. It’s here on display. So you weren’t actually doing something bad or anything.” She shrugged and put her hands on the pockets of her pants. They were made of a blue material that seemed different from everything he saw before. She smiled and said softly “They’re called jeans. It’s a kind of fabric from where I come from. Very useful and it doesn't wrinkle.”

Fenrys nodded and looked back to the picture. “You two are very alike.”

She nodded and released a sigh. “Yeah. I got my explosive side from him too… but he doesn’t know that because he doesn’t care.” Her voice was soft but was pained. He placed the painting back and looked at her. Her hair was partially pulled revealing her round ears, she had put on a glossy something on her lips that smelled like… berries? And she was wearing a blue shirt and a black jacket over it.

“Your nightgown has a weird drawing in it… what was it?” he tilted his head while looking at her and she blushed. It was adorable. Wait. What?

“It’s a character from a movie that takes place in the future and on other planets… it’s a machine that is alive… or something like that” she shrugged. He had no idea what the actual fuck a ‘movie’ was but he said nothing. Must be weird to come from a place where things were so different.

“Mhmm. I see…” he said and sighed. “Ready to go?” she nodded and he went to the door. As they walked he kept asking her about her stay and what she thought of the work in the kitchen. He was surprised with her answer.

“I always loved to cook. So working there with them was a pleasure. Though I can’t say the same about the dishwashing. That I always hated. But the company was good. Luca was very nice and very interested in my story.” she let a small laugh come from her lips. “He talks a lot too…”

Fenrys could not disagree with that. They kept making small talk until they reached the dining room. She tensed and chewed her cheeks.

“Relax,” he said to her “they won’t bite.” and he winked and she made her best effort to smile.

He opened the doors and everyone was there. She was still at the door looking at all of them, probably recognizing them from the books. Her hands were twisting in front of her and she was still chewing her cheek.

“Mia! Come in, please and take a seat! We were only waiting for you!” Aelin smiled. The girl looked at her and bowed slightly, kind of confused if she should be doing that or not. “Please, no need for that,” Aelin said softly and Mia blushed. Yeah, she blushed a lot.

She took a seat beside Fenrys and Lysandra that analyzed the girl with her feline eyes. She introduced herself and the girl nodded telling her that she already knew who she was and what a pleasure was to meet them all. Fenrys could tell she was trying to control herself; trying not to cry or act like she did when she saw him, Yrene, Aelin, and Rowan. Rowan made the proper introductions and told everyone to eat. Lorcan, the crazy shit, left as soon as the meeting ended three days ago. He said he didn’t trust the ‘outsider’ especially with his pregnant wife there; they received the news that they were already in Perranth well and healthy.

“So, Mia, we need to discuss a few things before you start walking around Orynth,” Rowan said with his low voice. Aelin nodded. He saw from the corner of his eye that Mia was red as wine when she looked at Rowan and he talked to her. Huh, the girl had a crush on the King! Interesting… He supposed it should be expected.

Aelin continued for Rowan. “You can’t say to anyone beyond this castle where you came from. We were discussing and the best story is that you came from a small village in Wendlyn and is a distant lost cousin of Lys. So we took you in here when you decided to look for your family. Okay?” Aelin paused and the girl nodded vigorously. “And you can’t wear your items of clothing outside this castle either. Or shoes. Except for the heels, of course. That will become common after we show up wearing in the Ball. And we’ll need your help to learn how to walk on those.” she smiled and Mia agreed.

“Now, I’ve been told you wish to work for your stay, is that true?” Rowan asked.

“Yes, Your Majesty. I already talked to Emrys and Yrene and they let me work with them. 3 days in the kitchens until after lunch and 2 days with Yrene until the same time. But if you wish for me to do something else, I’ll do it.” she said looking at them with expectant eyes.

Aelin smiled softly. “You may do whatever pleases you and I’m very impressed you already took the lead in that. Especially with Emrys… he’s a tough one. And I hope you find happiness again here in our home.”

Mia smiled and nodded. The rest of the meal was nice and pleasant, some questions for her about her life and the books. Aelin told her how accurate those were and she smiled. She told her about other books she brought and started to talk about them. Rowan said he was very glad that the book didn’t describe Aelin and Chaol’s sex. He wouldn’t stand it. Reading about them falling in love was too much already. They laughed and he drank, not thinking it was so funny as others thought.

After dinner, they said their goodbyes and Fenrys took Mia back to her bedroom. At the door, she turned to him and smiled softly.

“Thanks. You didn’t have to bring me here, but I know I’m being watched, so… it’s kind of your job.” she shrugged. She was smart and he decided to play dumb.

“What do you mean?” he asked cocking his head to the side.

“I’m an outsider. She trusts my story but she doesn’t know me. I get it. And even if she didn’t ask for everyone to keep an eye on me, Rowan would. He always puts her safety first” she shrugged - and blushed when said his name -  and placed her hand on the knob.

“Well, you’re smarter than I thought.” she rolled her eyes. “And I’ll pretend I don’t know about your crush on Rowan.” Her eyes went wide and she bit her bottom lip.

“It’s not like that! I - I was in love with him because come on, the guy is hot and devoted to Aelin. But I always thought he was a fictional character, so no problem in falling in love with a mated male. He is hers and hers alone. But I can’t help to blush. He’s hot.” she giggled. “And it’s not like you don't have a crush on Aelin.” She crossed her arms over her chest and raised a brow. Fair enough.

“It’s not like that. And I got over it.” He said and she smiled.

“Right.” she said trying not to laugh.

“Hey, it’s true!” He said defensively. She raised her hands up in surrender.

“Okay, Okay. I believe you. And I’m glad you got over it. And I bet a lot of other females are happy about it too…” she opened her door and stepped inside.

“What you mean?” he asked smiling at her.

“Well… you’re smart. I think you already know the answer.” She winked and smiled. “Goodnight and thanks again!” and she closed the door.

He chuckled and went to his bedroom. She was right, the females loved to see him at the bars and if he was up to, he never left empty handed. He pondered going out tonight… but decided to stay home and read a book. His soul was getting old... He had accepted the job since his bedroom was fairly close to hers.

[pastelneon]

Come Hell Or High Water: Ch. 2

A/N: The adventure continues, and poor James continues fainting and/or falling asleep... This is a little late because exams happened but they’ll be over in a few days so Chapter 3 should come out next Sunday.

Prologue // Chapter 1

Fandom: Black Sails Pairing: Thomas Hamilton x Miranda Hamilton x James McGraw Genre: Fantasy, angst Warnings: - Word Count: 2028

"Look at me," says a man's voice in a commanding tone and James does, blindly obeying anything that isn't his panicked mind. There's a man standing in front of him, looking at him with those terribly blue eyes. They are no longer as scary as they were before, and his hair is a sand-colored blonde.

"You have nothing to fear. Trust me. Trust me and nothing bad will come to you."

The man's voice sounds like a lullaby and his lips are oh so pretty. The butterflies calm down, settle back to their rightful place around his heart and James feels like he can breathe again. His head is spinning a little and it takes him a moment to realize he isn't standing on the deck of the Nightingale anymore. In fact, he isn't standing at all. He's sitting, on a beach, water tickling his toes. There's a lady sitting not far from him, wind catching her hair. And there's a man in front of him, wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes as he smiles.

"Hello. For a moment there I thought we'd lost you. I am terribly sorry for any inconvenience we caused you. Travelling with us can be rather... shocking to you mortals," he says and sits down next to James. He stretches out his legs, lets the water come all the way up to his ankles, even his shins.

James stares at him in awe. His throat is rough from seawater and he feels altogether a little faint. Travelling with us can be rather shocking to you mortals. That means the little encounter on the Nightingale, the ship that was meant to carry him to Admiral Hennessey, wasn't a dream after all.

"I can tell you have a lot of questions on your mind but now you must rest. Rest peacefully, I will watch over you."

There is something comforting about the man's voice and James lets him coax him into sleep, rolling onto something that feels like a blanket but could be any piece of fabric. He feels another blanket placed over him before he drifts off to a dreamless sleep.

---

"Thomas, you can't just take him off a ship and expect him to be happy here. He probably has a family... He's human."

Miranda's eyes are blazing but she's not angry, or disappointed. She wants this, too, so badly. She could feel herself drawn to the man on the Nightingale. That pathetic little ship... She enjoyed breaking it, tearing it apart piece by piece but she was glad Thomas had saved the man first.

"We were human, too. Do you not remember?" Thomas asks and there it is again, that familiar sadness and Miranda can feel her heart breaking a little more. She remembers. It was a different life and a different time and it feels like such a long time ago. It feels like a dream.

She sighs and feels her emotions crumbling against the walls she's built to keep herself together and then Thomas is there, his arms familiar and strong as they wrap around her. He kisses her forehead, hold her close. There's a storm raging inside her and he can feel it. It would be too dangerous to let her unleash it. It would drain all her energy, kill her...

"I'm sorry, Thomas, I'm so sorry," she sobs and Thomas holds her tighter. She hides her face in the crook of his neck, her tears warm against his skin.

"It's not your fault, my love. It's not your fault, it's not your fault..."

He repeats it until she stops crying and then a little more, his voice fading into the silence. She looks up at him with teary eyes and she looks so very tired, even broken.

"I should have protected you better."

And then she's gone, vaporizing into the wind and Thomas feels as though someone punched him as all air escapes from his lungs. He should be used to this by now, used to being alone every now and then, but it's always been difficult for him. Even more so after what happened.

He knows he can't trap Miranda. The physical body she can conjure only restricts her, binds her powers to something too weak, somewhat that will never hold. And Thomas wishes he could help her, save her from herself, but there is only so much he can do.

With a defeated sigh, he turns to look at the sleeping figure on the shore. He looks so very small and vulnerable lying there, covered by an old and worn blanket that washed up on their shore ages ago. His face is serene, not much older than Thomas remembered, but his hair is longer, messier.

He resists the urge to run his hand through the long, ginger hair and turns towards the sea. He'll have to find Miranda before dawn breaks.

---

James wakes slowly. His eyes are heavy with sleep but he's cold, freezing in fact, and his body forces his mind awake. He isn't sure if he opened his eyes at all as everything remains just as dark until he looks up and sees stars, hundreds of little specks of light spread across the night sky. But stars are so distant, they offer no warmth, and James sits up, bringing his knees to his chest.

"Hello?" he asks carefully and starts coughing. His voice is rough and his throat feels like someone tried to make him eat all the sand on the beach.

"Oh. You've awoken."

The voice belongs to the same man he spoke to earlier, before he fell asleep, except not it's distant, somehow colder. James frowns. He feels like all warmth has been drained from his blood, the last thing he needs is more coldness.

"Please, do you have another blanket?" James asks, teeth chattering as he tries not to stutter too much but he can't really help. He is met with silence and then a concerned sound.

"He's cold. What do I do?" the man asks, from who, James has no idea but he sounds confused in the most adorable way. It makes James smile a little.

After a moment's silence, a torch is lit. The man is holding it and the light dances in the wind, swirling dangerously close to the man's face. He seems impressed with himself and sits down next to James, a bit too far away for how cold James is.

The man sticks the torch into the sand and his eyebrows knit together in focus as eh tries to make it stay upright. James watching him with growing amusement, content with the light the torch offers. The warmth from the fire helps a little but not enough and James glances carefully at the man next to him. The south wind is usually warm.

That means the deity should also be warm, James reasons to himself.

Then, as if unintentionally, James leans towards the deity and feels the warmth radiating from him. He draws in a shuddering breath and tries not to cough too hard.

"Do you have a name?" James asks, instead of the can you please keep me warm that's on his mind. But maybe the deity can read his mind as he inches closer to James.

"Thomas," he finally says and there's something oddly familiar about it but James can't tell what. And after all, Thomas is a quite common name in England, maybe there isn't anything to it.

"What is this place?" James continues.

"It's our home. It's been our home for a long time now. It isn't much but it works for us. I don't like how damp everything is, it ruins the books but we're unfortunately bound to the sea. Even if we wanted, we couldn't go far from here," the deity - his name is Thomas, James reminds himself - replies and his voice breaks a little towards the end. James frowns again.

"What would happen if you left?" he asks before he can stop himself.

"I don't know. I suppose we would die. The sea is our home now, it's where we draw our power from," Thomas says and smiles a little but the look on his face is everything but happy. James feels it too, that overwhelming sadness that delves deep into you before digging its claws into your heart, making its home there.

He feels as though he cannot breathe, not with Thomas this close to him. He jumps away from him, struggling onto his feet.

"What are you?" he asks, breathless, tears stinging his eyes.

"A deity of the south wind. The ghost of a man who died at sea," Thomas replies but he hesitates, like he wants to say something more. His voice is coated with sorrow, sorrow and bitterness, and perhaps the lust for vengeance. James isn't too sure, it's all too much for him and he doesn't understand why he feels these emotions, the same things the deity must feel.

They're not his emotions, why does he feel them? What connection do they have? True, James has always loved the sea and how unpredictable and cruel it can be under all that beauty. He loves being out at sea but how does that connect him to this deity? As far as he remembers, he's never met this or the other one before.

But then again, there are a lot of things he doesn't remember, a lot of hazy memories and nightmares, wrought together so tightly he can't tell what's true and what's not.

"Who were you? Before you died, who were you?" James asks, and sounds desperate even to his own ears. He partially expects Thomas to shy away, to be scared by how frantic he is but instead Thomas just looks at him, no, through him. Eventually, he sighs.

"It doesn't matter now. Whoever I was in that life has been forgotten or washed away by the tide. There is no one left that remember me... Except Miranda. She was killed with me, did you know? She could have turned away, ran, abandoned me, started a new life somewhere else but she refused."

As he speaks, Thomas looks off into the distance, as if he can see those events unfurling in front of him. Perhaps he can. James at least can vividly feel the pain and anger gnawing at him and he wants it to stop, but not just for him. His mind is telling him this is insane, that this doesn't happen, that it can't be real. But he feels it. He wants to help.

And he says it.

Thomas flinches, as if James hit him.

"Beg pardon?" he asks, blue eyes wide and maybe it's a trick of the light but James swears he sees tears.

"I want to help. Let me help. In any way I can, I just want to help," he says. It feels important to him for some reason, to help this creature. This man.

"You can't."

The waves crash violently against the rocks to their right but the lady's voice is as calm as her appearance. Miranda, Thomas called her.

James can feel the emotions underneath her shell. They feel stronger than Thomas' and he thinks he understand now how they conjured such a storm so quickly. It's all inside them, bottled up and left to age like fine wine.

"Let me try. Please."

She blinks. Once, twice. Her eyes fill up with tears and they roll down her cheeks. Her hands are clenched into fists but James can't tell if she's angry or sad.

"Miranda. My love," Thomas says, voice only a whisper as he wraps his arms around her. He shushes her and she breathes in his scent, clutching desperately onto his shirt.

"Miranda...," James says, echoing Thomas' tone. He remembers that name from somewhere. It's so familiar it almost hurts but he can't remember why. There's a familiarity in the way Thomas says the name, too, and it feels odd. Why is it all so familiar yet so strange?

When Thomas turns to him, he's saying something. His lips are moving but James can't hear him. Darkness takes him.

[gwynne-fics]

wei50-blog replied to your post “A Hot Mess – Ye-Sol and Myung-Soo a walk Myung-Soo followed Ye-Sol...”

Fun seeing more wolf culture/ language!!! Yay! :) Awww, watching the two of them trying to work things out! Glad that Myung-Soo is thinking things through, but wonder about his decision to couple with Ye-Sol in the near future, even if her human voice is not back. Is he sure of his feelings? Would Ye-Sol’s more rational, human mind make a different choice, or maybe want to delay?

Myung-Soo isn’t sure of anything. He has a lot of theories but until he can talk to a Ye-Sol that remembers What Happened, he’s kind of in limbo. But since he can’t necessarily rely on her human voice coming back, he does have to decide if they are going to couple soon.

Because casual coupling is just what wolves do to pass the time.

And Myung-Soo is being offered something he always wanted--recognition he was good enough to couple with from one of the most sought after women in the pack. 

Progress! Ye-Sol is using more words and seems to be in better control of herself. Must be frustrating, though for the wolf to have to learn how to act like a human. At this time has she shifted to wolf and back to human again yet? If she wasn’t ready to come out of wolf form yet, would it help for her to go back to wolf form and stay there longer?

Human things don’t always make sense to the wolf, so Ye-Sol is struggling even though she’s doing better. She has not shifted back into her wolf body. Right now, everything is about Myung-Soo, and that’s why she tries to make the distinction between him wanting to couple with her human body but not wanting to couple with her wolf body.

Ye-Sol is afraid she won’t shift back to human if she goes back briefly into her wolf body.

Do love the Yoo pack, but definitely still issues maybe because Rachel is still a newer Alpha? So sad wolves look down on Myung-Soo, and he sees himself as a disabled wolf! (love the comment on his mom!) Wolf seems so part of Myung-Soo. Wonder if it is more of his immersion and training? Or possibly some wolf in him, because where would the long life come from? Also, not get tired after blue moon! When did they know he was more than ‘normal’ human?

Rachel is still getting her feet underneath her but already it is much better than it was under the False Alpha and those that remember her father, realize that she is ruling in his style, and they are eager to go back to that.

Myung-Soo had very loving parents, his mother is very protective of him and is constantly insisting that he’s not disabled, but even good parents cannot stop the influence of the world outside their home. Children can be cruel, especially when repeating things their parents have said around them. So he’s internalized some pretty awful attitudes. 

So, for wolves, Myung-Soo is a very confusing case. There haven’t been any other empty wolves that have assimilated into the culture as well as he has. His parents and the pack were certain he was a late bloomer because he developed the same way other wolf children did. He met all the other benchmarks for a healthy puppy--except shifting by the time he was four or five.

The not getting tired part started after the blue moon but he hasn’t told anyone yet.

Aww the puppies love Ye-Sol! They know she is not going to hurt them! Ye-Sol must be one of those who love pups/ children! She was the one tasked with protecting them during the blue moon, and it was one piece of what remained when she was in her wolf form for so long. Is part of why Ye-Sol’s human retreated because of guilt over not protecting Myung-Soo? Ye-Sol tried to save him, but did not succeed, or only partially succeeded?

Ye-Sol adores caregiving. She loves rolling around on the ground with the little pups and teaching them how to play and control their instincts. Rachel and Young-Do often took her out for walks when she was stuck and she played with the children at the park and also during the full moon. It wasn’t clear but Myung-Soo was also a little offended when the mom ask if Ye-Sol in her human skin was safe, because the implication is that humans aren’t as safe as wolves and he doesn’t really count as a wolf ^^;;

Guilt is part of the reason Ye-Sol’s human voice retreated but it isn’t guilt about not protecting Myung-Soo >.>

Ye-Sol sees Myung-Soo as a wolf, but doesn’t have wolf form? Actually good for Ye-Sol to spend time with Myung-Soo from a pure recovery view. Because he doesn’t smell her as a wolf can, she needs to use words with him. As opposed to when Rachel and Young-Do obviously smelled something alarming when Myung-Soo and Ye-Sol went back to the home. She is upset with him because he won’t accept her as his mate? Why is she afraid and doesn’t want to shift during the full moon?

Myung-Soo’s situation is very simple to Ye-Sol’s wolf (and Young-Do and Rachel feel this way too) because he smells like a wolf, he acts like a wolf, so he is a wolf. To Ye-Sol, the wolf body is unnecessary to being a wolf. And you’re right about recovery. Ye-Sol has to use words and can’t rely on scent so she’s forging greater communication skills.

But she is upset that she can smell that he wants to couple with her but is refusing to do anything to invite her. It feels like torture to her, because he wants to couple with her, knows that she wants to couple with him, but he’s refusing on grounds that she doesn’t understand. It’s like he’s being passive aggressive and playing games with her but she doesn’t know what she did to warrant it.

The question Young-Do asks is a loaded question, designed to give Myung-Soo an outlet for his feelings but Myung-Soo doesn’t take it because he’s hiding something from the Alpha and Second >.>

Hmm.. interesting even when Myung-Soo’s was a teen, he only wanted to couple with Ye-Sol or Yoo-Ra? (taboo because of age difference?) Now Myung-Soo’s feels fear about accepting Ye-Sol. Also see guilt that he feels responsible for why Ye-Sol’s human voice left? Hard for him, being this in between state… not fully wolf, not accepted fully in wolf world, not fully human, and not fully comfortable in human world.

Yoo-Ra and Myung-Soo are the same age, so it was considered natural for him to want to couple with her. He also had a huge crush on Ye-Sol. Even though she was so much older, it was considered a natural crush because she was the most sought after woman in the pack and coupled regularly with Young-Do. (There were a lot of people that assumed Ye-Sol and Young-Do would eventually mate. So to see her go from Young-Do, the strong and incredibly virile and noble Second, to Myung-Soo a disabled wolf, made a lot of people uncomfortable.)

Myung-Soo does feel guilty for Ye-Sol’s human voice leaving. That will be revealed more later.

Decided wolf/ wolf coupling does happen! Why would wolf pairs chose to couple in one form vs. another?

The wolf body coupling usually only occurs between permanently mated couples during the full moon. There is a cultural belief that it is easy to get pregnant with strong wolf puppies that way. (Also explains why Won’s pack doesn’t like mating with humans because they can’t do this.)

Rachel and Hyo-Shin will couple this way when they are ready to start their family because it is normal to want sex in whatever body you’re in.

As you can imagine, this is difficult for Myung-Soo on some levels, because he feels like a wolf but doesn’t have the body.

And we still need to know what Happened and why it makes being together so complicated! Impatient to know! Because something about that night is an impediment to her now! So many hints just make me more eager to know more!!! The scars, Elder Do, why would the one set of scars not appear right away, Myung-Soo’s memories, and that particular scar on his shoulder that faded?!?!!??

So, all I will comment on is what the takeaway from this chapter was supposed to be ^^;; 

Myung-Soo has two scars--one on his chest where it looks like a wild animal tried to claw out his heart, and one on his right shoulder that appeared after What Happened and looks like a mating mark. The reason it is fading is because it wasn’t a permanent mating blessed by the Alpha or the pack. It was a personal but temporary mark, like the one that Rachel and Hyo-Shin give each other the morning he finds out that she’s the Alpha. Because they are wolves, their healing ability, over time, removes the mark, allowing them to end the relationship if they don’t want to permanently mate.

Eun-Sang & Young-Do

Thank you! <3!!! So happy our lovely YoungSang couple gets back together! (When do we get to see more of the process? :) ) Yes! Eun-Sang gets her formal human proposal! Love how Young-Do is trying so hard to finally do things right! Doing things that are meaningful for you partner, even if they aren’t for you so important. Showing love to them in a way they understand and accept best also key!!! :)

Rachel was right. He could fix his relationship with Eun-Sang but he had to want it more than anything else. Once he figured that out, he did everything he could not to squander this opportunity.

(I can make no promises about more ficlets for them, but I do have ideas and I am running out of requests ^^;;)

Haha, I can totally see Young-Do spending his time researching human dating, engagement, and marriage! <3 So great to see Young-Do embracing Eun-Sang’s human! Hope we get to see her getting to know and fully embracing Young-Do’s wolf too! (and more convos with Hyun-Joo!!!)

He definitely has been doing his homework. He’s been paying attention to the wolves with human mates to watch how they changed to accept their human. He also (unbeknownst to Ji-Hyuk) studied that relationship to see what about it made Eun-Sang so happy.

I will keep these things in mind!

The ring sound lovely! Wish we could see a pic of it! They have a unique relationship that needs a unique ring. Yay, glad Young-Do communicating closely with his wolf again! Love that he was so excited, he had to show other wolves, even though they very much didn’t understand. <3 (but were still happy for him!)

The ring is a cross between these two styles I came across on tumblr. In the story, there are more precious metals and stones involved but these were my inspiration.

He was so proud of himself for picking that ring >.>

Glimpse of MyungSol! Yes, given what we know now about Myung-Soo, I don’t wonder that Ye-Sol is jealous, since human women were the reason he even contemplated staying in the human world! The casualness of coupling still throws me sometimes! So part of culture that the two men can have this easygoing exchange. Wonder if this is aspect of wolf culture is still something Eun-Sang would find harder to accept at this time?

That was a very good natured conversation between two men who have been with the same woman. Myung-Soo is only teasing Young-Do and he’s taking it in good fun. It’s a normal scenario among a group of people who live a long time and don’t mind experimenting to find the best relationship. Once you take away the shame of casual sex, I would hope we would get something like this.

This is probably the part Eun-Sang struggles with the most. Young-Do is jealous of Ji-Hyuk but he doesn’t outwardly behave that way. He doesn’t punish or get angry at Eun-Sang for being in that relationship. When Ji-Hyuk leaves the resort (shortly before Hyo-Shin shows up) there are literally no hard feelings and she’s just not used to it not being a big deal.

Even though, she’s very relieved, that it wasn’t a big deal. Feelings are complicated!

Young-Do got Hee-Nam’s approval!?!? How did that meeting go? Was there more than one meeting because he (and possibly Eun-Sang had to help!) had to convince her? After all, Eun-Sang was very broken and Young-Do caused her so much pain. Can’t imagine any mother looking with favor on a man who first shacked up with her daughter, then left her for a long period of time, and now wants to be with her again? (wait, don’t tell me if possible drabble!!!) :D

He did manage to get Hee-Nam’s approval but it was not easy. In Hee-Nam’s eyes, he was too casual with her daughter, because he was no meeting the important benchmarks of a human relationship. She didn’t think he was willing to take responsibility for Eun-Sang in a way that she recognized.

But you’re right. On the outside, he did not look good. And I’ll save the rest for future drabbles.