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lockoutkey · 3 years ago

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New fic after months sorry guys

Etho was going to die.

The phone was ringing and he could see the caller ID. Death. His phone said fucking Death. He had heard stories about how people felt when they saw Death calling them. He read the threads people posted of their final day on twitter. He read the submissions to tumblr blogs where people could anonymously confess on their death day like they were in a church. All the “Oh yeah I actually cheated on my wife by fucking her sister.” got old after a while. If you're gonna admit all your wrongdoings before you’re about to die, make it good.

That’s what he always thought. He always criticized them. Now he was the one thinking back on his sins. He never cheated on anyone of course. He could admit to burning down that abandoned factory, but it had been an accident, and he was also 16 at the time. Teenagers are stupid, lay off. He’d already gotten arrested for stealing all those plants, so no reason to admit to that.

The phone kept ringing. It was 12:02am and it would ring until he died unless he answered. Death stared him down through the iPhone. What a horrible way to find out. He should answer. What if it woke up Beef? God, he would have to explain this to his roommate. Should he? He wouldn’t be able to pay half the rent anymore. God, how do you even tell your best friend you have less than a day to live.

He picked up the phone with shaking hands and somehow managed to slide the arrow to talk. “Hello?”

“Hello! Am I speaking to Etho?”

Etho wanted to cry. Who the hell gave Death a phone. He hated Alexander Graham Cracker “Yes.”

“Perfect! I would like to inform you of your death. In the next 24 hours, you will die. Unfortunately, I am unable to provide information such as time and place due to past attempts of death cheaters. However, we are able to provide any resources you need on your final day.”

Fuck.

Etho was silent. He always had a morbid curiosity of what Death said on the final call. Why were they so chipper? He was being told he was going to die. Were they so jaded by their job that they just didn’t care anymore?

“I see you’ve already set up funeral arrangements, which makes this even easier for us. If you would like to make any changes you’ll be able to call us at any point before your death. Now, would you like to be in the death duo program or not?”

None of that made sense to Etho. “What’s a death duo?”

“Ah, my mistake. For those who may be alone or wish to spend it with someone besides their loved ones for some reason, they can be assigned someone else who will be dying the same day. Your death duo would be a man named Bdubs. Would you like to opt into the program?”

Etho laughed humorously. “Why the hell not. Add me in.”

“Lovely! We will send the contact information within five minutes. If you do not receive it, please call or email us. Are you in need of anything else?”

Time. “No.”

“Wonderful. We hope you’ve had a great life. Have a great last day!”

The call ended abruptly. Would he die like that? Suddenly and with no warning? Was he going to die slowly, maybe he would drown or be stabbed. He never feared death, most people didn’t anymore. Now that they knew someone out there was aware of their last day, someone would tell them, they lived life much freer. They could live life dangerously. Why be scared of skydiving if you wouldn’t die that day?

He could hear Beef snoring through their thin apartment walls. He was an early to bed early to rise kinda guy. Etho wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. How could he? He was going to die. He had just peacefully been playing terraria when he got the call. Now he was going through moral dilemmas.

Does he wake up Beef and tell him? He put on his green slippers and stood in front of Beef’s door. He was hesitant to knock. He couldn’t. The last thing they did was make homemade pizzas. The kitchen was still a mess from last night. He lowered his hand. He should clean up. For Beef. Maybe it was cruel to spend his last day away from his friend, but Etho wanted the last memory to be a happy one. He didn’t want Beef to spend the last hours together sad. Plus, he had that Bdubs guy to deal with.

He grabbed a wad of paper towels and sprayed down the counter. There was pizza sauce on the spruce cabinets. How did that even get there? Cheese was stuck on the tiles, and bits of dough were embedded into the counter. His speaker was still turned on. The two really were chaos incarnate. Etho leaned on the counter and ran his hands through his hair. He wasn’t going to cry. He wouldn’t cry. The counter was wet from the all-purpose cleaner. So was his face and hands. Who was he kidding? He slid against the wall and stared at the ceiling, feeling like a main character in a movie after they find out bad news. Not too far off from the truth.

His phone buzzed on the half cleaned counter. He wiped the tears across his face and stood up, he still had to put the dishes in the dishwasher. There was a text from an unknown number. He saw Death had texted him a number that matched with the unknown text. This must be his death duo. Bdubs.

Bdubs: Is this Etho?

Etho: Yeah, Bdubs huh?

Bdubs: Yep.

Etho: So…

Bdubs: We’re gonna die, huh?

Etho: I guess.

Bdubs: What are we gonna do about it?

Etho: Wdym?

Bdubs: I mean, I’m not saying go jump off a bridge or travel the world, what are we gonna do? We have a day to live, we might as well make it worth something.

Etho thought about it while putting the rest of the dishes into the washer. He was right. Etho could just sit inside and wait. He could let Beef walk in his room and find his body. He would probably scar his roommate for life, but at least Etho could relax on his last day. Where was the happiness in that though. There wasn’t much to do in January, but they could find some fun.

Etho: Do you know the fountain on Swing Road? Meet me there in an hour.

Bdubs: That’s almost 1:30am

Etho: Like you said, might as well make today worth it

Etho turned off his phone. Bdubs seemed like an interesting guy, but he had only talked for a few sentences. Etho walked into the living room, picking up his and Beef’s cat Chester along the way. He stood next to the coffee table, looking around. He probably wouldn’t see his apartment again after he left. He spent so many nights drinking and watching movies on that old smelly couch. Their Wall of Shame was filled with polaroid photos of him and his friends, mostly of them leaning over a bucket or toilet about to puke their guts out after a night of bar hopping. His favorite was Tango with sharpie dicks on his face. He had been pissed seeing the photo on the wall the next morning. He had soon gotten revenge on the others during their yearly camping trip. Beef, Impulse, Zedaph, and Etho floating on a lake would forever be ingrained in their memories, as well as plastered on the wall for any visitors to see.

Chester stretched in his arms. “Aww, come on buddy, you don’t wanna spend time with me? I thought cats were supposed to tell when people were going to die. Do you hate me that much?” Chester ignored him and hopped down. Stupid cat. He had to get dressed anyway.

What do you wear when you know you’re going to die? Should he be comfortable? Fancy? Casual?

Etho: What are you wearing?

Bdubs: Take me on a date first.

Etho: That’s…nvm

Why did he try? Was he making a mistake? Weren't you supposed to spend your last day surrounded by loved ones? He was supposed to spend it with friends and family, crying his eyes out wishing for more time. Should he back out? What were they even going to do? Fuck it, where was his flannel? He threw it over his white pajama shirt and called it a day. It wasn’t like he slept in it. Jeans, he needed those. He wouldn’t die in ketchup stained sweatpants. He would go out looking like a Calvin Klein model reject.

He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. This was it. He was going to walk out that door and not come back. He should write a letter to Beef, right? He already wrote his will out, it was updated and ready for today. Beef deserved something more though. He shuffled through his desk for a clean sheet of paper and a pen, sliding into his chair for a hastily written death note.

So if you’re reading this letter, I’m dead. Sorry. Well, I don’t know if I should be sorry, cause it’s not like it’s MY fault I got the call. Better me before you though. Can you imagine if they told other people about someone else’s death instead? Like, what if you knew instead. How fucked yo would that be? Sorry, I’m rambling. I bet you read sorry in my accent, huh?

Anyways, since I’m dead you’re gonna be the one doing everything, right? With my will and funeral since my mom and dad are dead too. That’s for doing all that buddy, you mean the world to me, seriously. You don’t have to do all this but you said you would when the day came. We thought it would be in like 50 years, but well, can’t control death.

Take care of our little monster, okay? Chester deserves all the treats. Tell Impulse to finish his PhD and if he doesn’t I'm haunting him. Tell Tango I know he stole my cookies that one time in the fourth grade and I forgive him. Tell Zed not to join me too soon, I know his experiments get dangerous, stay safe.

I love you.

His roof must have a leak because there were splotches of water on the paper. He folded it and wrote his roommate's name on the back. There was no reason for Beef to go in here until he got the call Etho was dead.

He looked at the clock and swore. He had half an hour to get to the fountain. He would have to run rather than walk. Should he throw caution to the wind? It wasn’t like he was going to die tomorrow.

He slipped on his shoes and unlocked the door. The click seemed to echo through the house. He winced and turned the doorknob, keeping a close eye on Chester. The evil little demon liked to bolt.

The lock clicked into place and he made a run for it. God, he needed more exercise. Technical support workers only got so much exercise. He hoped his clients wouldn’t be too mad their computers weren’t fully fixed. Beef could recommend them to someone else. Hell, he could probably fix their computers for them.

The stress he dashed by still wasn't empty. Every few minutes a car would zoom past on their way to who knows where. Maybe they had gotten the call as well. He lived on the outskirts of the city and didn’t miss the chaos at all. The small apartment was nice, he could walk everywhere he needed to go, and if he needed to go somewhere further he could grab a train or bus. Life was nice.

Damnit.

He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to reminisce. He slowed down as he came up on the center fountain. It wasn’t hard to find Bdubs, seeing as he was the only person standing by the unused sculpture this late at night. His hands were in his sweatshirt pockets. The man was doing a strange dance where he would jump on the fountain edge, lean forward, back, and jump down as gravity and momentum took over. He slammed the label goofball on Bdubs before even speaking with him.

“Hey!” He shouted across the square. Bdubs, in the middle of a jump, turned violently and fell back into the fountain. Thank god it was the middle of winter and turned off, that could have spelled disaster.

Now, Etho was described as many things. He had an aura that strangers often found mysterious and intimidating. Friends knew he was just Some Guy. He refers to himself as a nerd who likes to fix computers and collect pokémon cards. He wanted to make a good first impression on Bdubs though. Etho ran up to the fallen Bdubs, who looked like a freshly kicked raccoon. What he wanted to say was an apology. Etho also wanted to ask about the status of Bdubs’s health. These thoughts ended with Etho saying the following.

“Are you fucking sorry?”

If it weren’t the last day of his life, the look on Bdubs’ face would haunt him for the rest of it. “Excuse me?!”

Etho ran his hands down his face. So much for good first impressions. “No, wait. I was trying to say ‘Are you okay’ and ‘I’m so fucking sorry’ at the same time and I messed up. My bad.”

Bdubs shook his head. “Man, this is the guy they set me up with. Well, I won’t complain. I would have stayed with my roommates, but…”

“You want them to remember you without the whole inevitable end thing?” Etho finished.

Bdubs nodded. Maybe that’s why people agreed to this dumb setup. Yeah, it was nice to spend your final hours with people you love, but why spend it sad and wishing for more time. Let them remember you for the person you were, right?

“So, what first?” Etho asked. He had a few ideas, but had no clue what to do at 1:30am. Nothing was open.

“You ever heard of insomnia cookies? It’s like 10 minutes away from the city. Closes at 3am?”

Etho nodded his head. He’d never been there himself but heard good things about the store. “There first?”

“Yup.” Bdubs twirled his keys and walked towards a lone blue car. It barely looked held together and Etho was sure this metal tube was his sentence. “I’ve always wanted to try it but I always put it off. Thought I had time, ya know?”

Etho rubbed his hands together. “Trust me, I know.”

Etho stepped into the passenger side and immediately made sure there was a handle to grab onto. Better safe than sorry. Then again, he had no reason to be safe today. Might as well live on the edge. He still put his seatbelt on though. Safety first.

Bdubs driving was, if he was to make a comparison, akin to a squirrel on ketamine. Etho was going to throw up. That would be how he died, in a car with a man he just met while puking and it would be all Bdubs fault. Where did he find this guy again?

“Let me the hell out.” Etho wheezed.

“Why? Is there something wrong with my driving?” Bdubs asked, flying over a speed bump and smashing into a traffic cone.

“Oh my god.”

Thankfully, he slowed down once they got closer to the city. There were few days and pedestrians, but just because it was their last day on earth didn’t mean they had to be the cause someone else met their end.

The city lights flashed off the glass skyscrapers. He had never really been a city boy, he liked plants more than sewer rats. However, when it was silent, when no one was out, it was almost peaceful. The scaffolding flew past and he imagined construction workers and their fear of falling.

“Where is this place?” He asked.

Bdubs gestured up ahead. “A couple blocks, trust me, you’ll like it.”

Etho raised an eyebrow. “How would you know what I like? You just met me. Maybe I like bitter things.”

“Do you like bitter food?”

“No.”

Bdubs smirked. “There you go. Okay, how ‘bout this, 20 questions, you and me. Easy way to get to know each other!”

Etho scoffed. “Really? 20 questions? Isn’t that a game teenagers play to ask each other on a date?”

Bdubs opened his mouth to retaliate and disagree, but accepted Etho was right. “Fine, it's not 20 questions. It’s two guys dying at any moment and they wanna get to know each other. That sound good?”

Etho tapped his chin. “Hmm, I can accept that.”

The cookie place wasn’t that impressive. It seemed like a bad start to the day, but Etho would stay positive. He hasn’t even tried the cookies yet. The door chimed open and the two stepped into the warm shop. It was nicer on the inside, chairs set up around the place. Paintings of cookies dotted the walls under posters advertising different types of cookies they sold. He didn’t know there could be cookies so big.

“Welcome to Insomnia Cookies, how can I help you?” The cashier asked with as much energy someone could have at almost two am. They were here close to closing, so they were rightfully annoyed at them. They could suck it up, today was the day for Etho to do whatever the hell he wanted.

Bdubs looked through the cookies on display. “Hmmm, I’ll have the deluxe monster’wich! Etho, what do you want?”

Etho looked at Bdubs in disbelief. “Why would you order that? It’s in the negatives outside.”

Bdubs shrugged. “Go big or go home.”

Etho laughed. “You know what? Okay. I’ll just have a snickerdoodle cookie.”

The cashier sighed and rang them up. “$10.87.”

Enthusiastic. Listen, Etho was an insomniac, he wouldn’t even get the chance to fall asleep until at least 3am on a good night, this was hardly the first time he would be awake for a whole day.

The cookies were already made so they sat down quickly. Bdub’s ice cream dripped onto his napkin and Etho couldn’t help but be the slightest bit jealous and wishing he had gotten it. However, he would rather have his cookie than freeze. His jacket was barely keeping out the cold.

“What next?” Bdubs asked, mouth full of ice cream and cookie bits.

That was a good question. There wasn’t much to do at 2am. Most of the population was asleep or at their homes. Only Walmarts and this Insomnia Cookie were open. “Wanna graffiti a building?”

Bdubs’s eyes widened. “That’s illegal!”

Etho took a bite of cookies. “I mean, only if you get caught. It’s not as bad as the arson.”

“You know what,” Bdubs smirked. “You’re not wrong. Alright, Mr. ACAB, where we doin’ this? Do you just have spray paint or whatever you use on hand?”

Etho tossed his wrapper in the trash can. “I know a guy. He’ll still be awake right now, he’s just like that.”

Bdubs followed Etho out, making sure to wipe off his ice cream covered hands before leaving. It was still freezing out and Etho was glad he hadn’t had ice cream. Watching Bdubs shiver, he wondered if the other man regretted it. Probably not.

Etho gave the directions to Bdubs and they headed off. Now that they were in the city, his driving was much better, however, Etho still feared for his life. He couldn’t even drive but he could probably stay between the lines better than Bdubs. “Why are you such a bad driver?”

“Is that one of the questions?”

Etho shook his head, turning green. “It’s a concern for our safety.”

Bdubs nodded to the wheel. “You wanna drive?”

“I can’t drive.” Etho admitted. “But I could probably do a hell of a lot better than whatever you’re doing.”

Bdubs grinned, Etho didn’t like it. “Is that a challenge?”

Oh no. “Yes.”

Bdubs cackled. “Fine then, we’ll see who the better driver is.”

Etho bit his lip. He might’ve just made a mistake. Oh well, something to pass the time.

“So, what’s this guys name? This mysterious stranger.” Bdubs swerved around the corner.

“Iskall.” Etho gritted out. “We were college roommates but he went off with some friends. Came back a few years ago and I helped him get set up around here. He owns a pawn shop.”

“Cool! So he has money, right?” Bdubs asked. Etho shrugged. He never asked how much Iskall made, but it was probably more than his measly salary.

The pawn shop was tucked between a thrift store and a chinese restaurant. The bright green ‘VAULT HUNTERS’ sign pushed away the darkness. Iskall should already be down. He’d texted his friend they were coming but gave no details. Hopefully the Swedish man could forgive him.

Etho rapped on the door. A shout came from within the door and brought a smile to Etho’s face. He hadn’t seen Iskall in a while, and although he wouldn’t let the man know why they were there so early in the morning, he would enjoy seeing his old friend one last time.

“What the hell are you doing here? Do you know what time it is? Who are you?” The Swedish man raged in the doorway.

Etho smiled. “It’s nice to see you too, Iskall! Can we come in?”

Iskall grumbled but opened the door for them. The two walked into the pawn shop, ignoring the burning glare of Iskall. The shop was filled to the brim with who knows what, probably organized in a way only Iskall knew. In one corner was a grand piano and in another was a ceramic clown. Paintings that had to be worth thousands hung on the wall. How has this place not been robbed yet? Though he wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of Iskall’s rage, they were friends, and the man wouldn’t actually hurt him. Probably.

“I need the stuff.” Etho requested.

Iskall raised an eyebrow. “The helpful stuff or the bad stuff.”

“The fun stuff.”

“Damnit Etho.”

Iskall beckoned them further into the mess. Bdubs looked as if he was resisting the urge to touch everything in sight and he was relieved the man kept his hands to himself. He led them to a counter that Iskall walked behind and disappeared into a back room.

Bdubs glanced nervously at Etho. “He’s not gonna kill us, right?”

Etho looked thoughtful. “Probably not.”

“Great.”

Iskall came back out and threw a duffle bag on the table. Metal clinked together inside the ripped bag. “I don’t know what you two are planning, but this isn’t mine.”

Etho nodded. “This isn’t yours, got it. Thanks, Iskall.”

Iskall waved him off. “You’re lucky you’re one of my best friends, Etho. Let me know if you need anything else, preferable at a different time, though.”

Etho shot finger guns at him. “You got it. We’re heading out. Bye, Iskall!”

Iskall waved and headed up a set of stairs. Etho turned to Bdubs and grinned, holding up the bag. “So, where first?”

Bdubs walked towards the door. “Luckily for you, there’s one place that has been annoying me for way too long. You know Boatem?”

Etho ran through his memory. “That new shopping center with the train?”

Bdubs nodded. “My favorite cafe used to be there. I live close to there and that train goes off at all points of the day. It’s time for revenge.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Etho cheered, throwing the bag into the back seat. Good thing cops rarely showed up late at night. Plus, Etho knew how to evade them. He had practice.

The cans rattled in the backseat as Bdubs sped through the streets. On second thought, maybe it would be nice for some cops to show up. They could actually pull the man over and explain what a speed limit was. “Slow down…”

“Hell no!” Bdubs cheered.

They got to Boatem in record time. Etho himself had never been as he was more of a thrifting man than hundred dollar shopping outlets. Sometimes capitalism needs to be sent a message in the form of toxic pain.

“Where do you wanna do this?” Etho asked. “You know the place better than me.”

Bdubs motioned towards a large platform. “The train, it annoys me the most. What should we draw on it though?”

“Your mom.” Etho blurted without thinking. Silence fell between the two as they processed exactly what Etho said. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean YOUR mom, I mean the words. I’m sure you have a lovely mother.”

Bdubs doubled over laughing. “Seriously? The best you can come up with is that? How old are you?”

Etho crossed his arms. “It’s a classic joke…”

“Fine. You write your dumb jokes. I’m writing the communist manifesto.” Bdubs stomped off to apparently spread propaganda. To each their own.

Etho hopped next to the train. It was smaller than a real train and didn’t actually move. But from the wiring he could see, it probably made the same noisess as one. That would line up with Bdubs’s annoyance. He pushed a box over so he was level with the side and grabbed a red can. He didn’t care what Bdubs said, your mom jokes were hilarious. He didn’t just write jokes, he also drew various animals on the train. He wasn’t what you would call an artist, but a couple of circles definitely made a cat. Cats were cute. He couldn’t be arrested for cute things. That’s why he was never arrested, when he most likely should be.

“You done?” He heard after a while. Etho looked over his zoo work. Beautiful.

“Yeah!” He shouted back.

Bdubs wandered over and glanced over his art. “I’m sure Boatem will be thoroughly pissed off. Good job, E!”

“Thank you! What did you do?” Etho followed Bdubs over to his side where he did indeed see the first lines of the communist manifesto. He thought he was joking, but no, his new friend really knew it by heart. It was surrounded by some of the most beautiful graffiti he had ever seen. Was he an artist? He had to take a picture with his phone. “Bdubs, you’re amazing.”

“I know!” Bdubs flipped non-existent hair. “What next? It’s almost 5am.”

Etho bit his nail. “Are you hungry? I know a good cafe that’s open around this time. Since yours closed down, you can try this one out.”

“Sure, where is it? I can’t believe they open at 5am. Who does that?” Bdubs asked.

“Well, they don’t actually, they get there to get ready. I just know people.” Etho admitted.

Bdubs laughed. “Ok, Mr. Popular and Mysterious. Do you know anyone who could talk death into sparing us?”

The fun mood deflated from Etho. “No.”

Bdubs realized his mistake and tried to apologize. Etho waved him off but still felt the dark cloud fall over him once again. He felt bad for making Bdubs feel guilty, but he was still processing his impending death. The car ride to the cafe was as silent as it was dangerous, but Etho could even bring himself to lighten the mood despite Bdubs’s many tries. They only spoke once they pulled up to the cafe Etho had mentioned. “Well, we’re here.”

Etho snorted. “Let’s go in.”

The cafe was tiny but cute. It had a yellow and green exterior that emitted a vibe of joy. Despite it being winter, there were chairs and tables for outside seating. They were covered in a thin layer of frost from the low temperature. The glass front had the words “Stressless Cafe” in decals. He knocked on the door and a brunette woman in an apron opened the door. “Etho! What are you doing here? It’s not even opening.”

Etho rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I know, but I was out this early and this was the only place I could think to take us. Oh, this is Bdubs. Bdubs, this is Stress.”

Stress looked carefully at Bdubs before holding out her hand. “I haven’t seen you before. New friend of Etho’s?”

Bdubs shook her hand and glanced at Etho. “Um, something like that.”

Stress paused and a grin slowly spread across her face. “Oh! Well, good for you, Etho. It’s about time you brought someone around.”

Etho’s eyes widened in panic. “No, Stress, it’s not- that’s not- you’re misunderstanding.”

Stress winked at Bdubs. “He’s a shy one.”

Bdubs’s face heated up, catching on to Stress’s implication. “Oh, that’s not- We’re not- you’ve got it wrong!”

Stress laughed. “Whatever you two say. Come on in. You want the usual, Etho?”

Etho tried to hide more of his face in his mask. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Stress brought them to a table and pointed at the still red Bdubs. “What about you? Anything in particular?”

“Um, a hot chocolate please?” He squeaked out.

Stress nodded. “Strawberry cake okay?” She walked away to prepare their order before getting a confirmation. Who was this woman?

“Stress is nosy, I’m so sorry for her.” Etho said. He stared at the table. Well, the previous awkwardness was now replaced with a different kind.

Bdubs coughed. “It’s fine. Friends are like that, yeah?”

An awkward silence fell over the table. Great, how was this going to be fixed. “So, how long have you known Stress.”

Etho looked relieved to talk about something easy and familiar. “She was originally a friend of Iskall. They were in the same classes and she would come over all the time. She opened the cafe when she graduated and I’ve been coming here ever since.”

Bdubs nodded. “That’s cool she could open it right away. It’s hard to do that as a college kid.”

“Her parents have good money and helped her out, plus we spread fliers all over town for like a month before the opening.” Etho explained.

“What are you two doing here so early?”

Etho’s mouth dropped. “Iskall?!”

Iskall stood in front of them decked out in an apron and green shirt. He looked positively annoyed to see the two of them. “Yes, that’s my name.”

“Don’t you work at your own shop?” Bdubs asked. He was new to this friend group, so perhaps he was wrong. Judging by Etho’s reaction though the man wasn’t usually there.

Iskall placed their food and drinks down. “Eh, I help Stress out sometimes. Today is your lucky day.”

Etho nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay, I guess that makes sense?”

“Well…bye.” Iskall walked off presumably to help stress.

“Does he just work everywhere?” Bdubs asked. Etho threw up his hands. How was he supposed to know? He just dug into his muffin and tried to ignore his impending doom. Bdubs did the same with his cake.

It was nice to sit in silence after the crazy few hours they had so far. Etho would admit, it had been the most fun he had in quite a while. He never would have been able to do something like this without being under these circumstances.

The two were able to get over their awkwardness and just talk for a few hours in the cozy warmth of the cafe table. There really wasn’t much they could do at this time, but at least they could get to know each other.

Etho had barely touched his phone since he left the house. Beef must’ve noticed he wasn’t there because his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket. Sure enough, a text from his roommate. Beef usually wakes up around 7.

Beef: Yo, Etho, where are you?

Did he lie? He should. He couldn’t tell the truth. Beef would want him home immediately and Etho just couldn’t face him.

Etho: Got a text from a client. Said they would pay more if I could check out their computer right now. I won’t say no to money. I couldn’t sleep anyways.

A pang of guilt ran through him. It was for Beef though. It would only hurt him to know what was happening to his friend.

Beef: Sweet, thanks for doing the dishes btw. It was a nice surprise.

Etho smiled and told him it wasn’t any problem. Bdubs looked at him suspiciously. “What’s that smile for?”

“Texting my roommate.” Etho put his phone back down and stretched. “So, you have any more plans?”

Bdubs grinned. “While you were busy texting, I made a few reservations for us.”

That worried Etho. “Reservations?”

Bdubs nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! First thing first, to the mall. We have a fitting to get to.”

Etho should be more worried. His last day on earth and he wasn’t being told where they were going. It could be Bdubs that kills him. What if Bdubs made him drink too much soda? What if Bdubs suffocated him in his car?

The voice of Beef haunted his mind. Stop catastrophizing Etho.

Right. Why would Bdubs kill him when they’re meant to be friends.

Etho pushed away his long finished drink and food. “Alright, tell me about this mysterious fitting.”

“Don’t worry, just follow me.” Bdubs said cryptically.

Etho felt a pant in his heart when Stress cheerfully called out. “See you later Etho! Nice meeting you Bdubs!” No, she wouldn’t be seeing them later, but that’s okay. He got to see his friend one last time. He made sure to leave a bigger tip than usual when she wasn’t looking. $100 should be good.

There were more people out and about now that the sun was up. Some were headed to work while others were simply starting their day with a morning walk. The now crowded land gave him an even bigger fear of Bdubs’s driving and his own death. At any moment they could reach their end.

“So, where are we going?” Etho gritted out. His heart lurched as Bdubs swerved across the lane. He heard a honk from behind him and looked in the mirror to see a woman throw her hands up in her car. He silently apologized on behalf of Bdubs.

“The mall! We have a fitting to get to.” Bdubs said with no explanation. What fitting? Huh?

He found out exactly what he meant when he and Bdubs walked up to a place called Suit and Shoot. He had never touched a place like this before.

“You ever been to a suit store before?” Bdubs asked.

Etho shook his head. “The last time I wore a suit was when I went to my brother's weddings.”

“What’s their names?” Bdubs asked innocently. Etho closed his eyes. Damnit. Oh well, it was bound to happen.

“Patho and Logo.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“We’re triplets.”

“Fuck off.”

Etho sighed. He loved his mother, but sometimes he wished she didn’t smoke so much weed back in the 80s. Oh well, maybe this was just his punishment. He should stop saying things about himself. Actually, maybe he should stop speaking. Then again, he doubted Bdubs would let him.

“Welcome to Suit and Shoot! How can I- Etho? Bdubs?”

As if this situation couldn’t get any stranger. “Iskall?!” Etho gasped.

Iskall fiddled with measuring tape. “What are you two doing here?”

“What are YOU doing here?” Bdubs accused. “You were just at the cafe. How did you get here so quickly? Do you work everywhere?”

It was more of a rhetorical question, but honestly, Etho wanted to know as well. He only knew his old friend was working at that thrift shop, but a cafe and suit fitting store as well? How many hours a week did this man work? When did he sleep?

Iskall sighed. “Etho, follow me. Bdubs, you go with Wels.”

Wels gestured for Bdubs to walk ahead of him into a side room. Bdubs threw a peace sign at Etho before disappearing through the door. Etho sighed and followed Iskall towards his own fitting room. Did he really need this? What was the point?

Etho let his mind wander while Iskall measured him. What was this even for? Why was he at a fitting at 8am? What was the meaning of life? Wait, this was getting a bit too deep for him. He shouldn’t think that deep. He hasn’t known Bdubs for long, but from what he knows is he did everything with a purpose. What was that purpose? Etho didn’t know. He just knew there was a purpose behind it.

“Alright, done. Give me an hour. What’s this for anyway?”

Etho was taken back. He didn’t know much about being a tailor but didn’t it take days? Today was already strange, though. Might as well make it weirder. “No clue, Bdubs’ idea.”

Iskall looked suspicious. “You two are up to quite a lot today, aren’t you? What’s going on? Big tip for Stress and a suit. You finally take Cleo’s advice?”

Etho’s face heated up. “No! Nothing like that! God, no. Why would you- no. Anyway, it’s just…a thing. I’d rather not talk about it.”

Iskall raised an eyebrow. “Now I’m even more suspicious. Alright, I’ll leave you to it. His shoes do kinda look expensive though, if you’re not gonna, I might-.”

“ISKALL!”

Etho was instructed to wait in the front while Iskall finished up their suits. Etho stopped asking questions long ago. Bdubs joined hom not long after, chatting away. Etho closed his eyes, hoping to get a bit of sleep before the two tailors were finished. Was Iskall even qualified to work here? Was he qualified to work anywhere?

“Etho, wake up.”

He was shaken back into reality seconds later. He glanced down at his phone and saw he had indeed fallen asleep. Iskall was standing in front of him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “Welcome back sleeping beauty.”

Etho yawned. “Take me back.”

Iskall pulled his arms. “Nope, I didn’t fix this damn suit for you to sleep in my waiting room. Get up.”

“Your waiting room?” Etho asked, not quite believing the implication Iskall owned the place. How rich was his friend?

Despite Iskall’s many occupations, Etho had to admit, he made a damn good suit. Etho turned in the mirror, admiring the blue and red outfit. He’s never owned something so fancy. He also didn’t have money to pay for it.

Iskall seemed to read his mind. “Your friend paid for it, I know this is out of your pay range. Which brings me to my previous question.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

Etho walked out finally knowing what it was like to be rich. Well, he was still pretty poor, but at least now he looked like he was big money. Bdubs was in a matching green and red suit looking like a walking christmas tree. Etho kept it to himself but silently made it his goal to get someone else to bring it up. He didn’t have a death wish, considering he was already set to die, but someone else could take the bullet and make the comment.

Bdubs grinned, holding his arms out. “Fancy, right?”

Etho stifled a laugh. “Yep, dapper. So, not that this isn’t fun, but what was the point?”

“You’ll see, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Mcdonald’s.”

Walking into a McDonalds in a three piece suit was definitely not something he thought he would do today. It wasn’t something he thought he would ever do, actually. They got some weird looks but the euphoria he felt about having no cares as to what others thought pushed the looks away. Who gave a shit what some middle aged mom thought when he was going to order chicken nuggets in a fancy outfit.

Bdubs marched up to the cashier with his head held high. The name tag said ��Grian’ and the guy looked halfway between wanting to die and wanting to kill. They barely phased him. Poor dude probably saw more shit in a day than they did their whole lives. Their shenanigans were nothing.

“What?”

Etho glanced through the menu. “I’ll have a ten piece chicken nugget with a large fry. Oh, and a chocolate milkshake. What do you want?”

“I’ll have the same, but a twenty piece.” Bdubs added, holding out his card.

Grian sighed and took the card. He was going to hand it back but instantly froze. His eyes narrowed and for a minute Etho thought they were in trouble. “Tommy.”

Etho turned around and noticed a teenager standing behind him. He was grinning ear to ear looking right at Grian. “Groin! I didn’t expect you here!”

“Groin?” Bdubs whispered. Etho shrugged, just wanting his chicken nuggets.

“Iskall!” Grian called behind him. “I’ll be back, I have to eat Tommy’s walls again!”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” A voice yelled from the back.

“Iskall? You work here?” They had just seen him make their suits, why was he at a McDonalds? Why was he at any of these places besides the store he owned? Did he own this McDonalds too?

Iskall grabbed Grian’s shirt. “Leave and I’ll burn your house.”

“Don’t eat my house again!” The child, Tommy, cried in despair. Etho glanced at Bdubs and silently moved out of line. Whatever this soap opera was, he didn’t want any part of it. They had paid and that was all that mattered.

“So, Iskall works at a lot of places, huh?” Bdubs asked.

Etho shrugged. “I honestly don’t know if he actually works there.” A loud crash distracted the two and they saw a man storm out from an office. His nametag claimed him as Xisuma, the manager. Oh boy, this was about to get interesting.

“What is all this mess about?” The manager asked.

Iskall pointed at his coworker. “Don’t look at me, Grian is threatening to eat that kid's house again. I’m pretty sure this is against store code or something.”

“It is.” Xisuma turned to Tommy. “You want a job?”

“WHAT?” Screeched Grian.

Everyone ignored him. “Fuck yeah! Sign me up boss man!”

Xisuma waved them off and left for the office again. “Great, start now.”

Iskall sighed and reached for a bag of food. “Great, now I have to train a newbee. Take your damn food, Etho.”

Etho smiled in sympathy. “Good luck buddy.”

Etho was very careful with the sauce. He refused to ruin his new fancy suit. Sure, he would only have his suit for today, seeing as he was gonna die, but that didn’t matter. It was the principle. The world had other plans, however.

“Fuck!” Etho yelled, dropping ketchup onto his jacket. He grabbed a napkin and dabbed at it, hoping it wouldn’t stain.

“He’s goated with the sauce.”

Etho turned back towards the counter. The new trainee, Tommy, stared him down. Etho felt his skin crawl. “What?”

Tommy pointed. “Quirked up white boy bustin it down sexual style. Is he goated with the sauce?”

Etho looked at Bdubs, who shrugged his shoulders. “Are you?”

Etho was gonna pass out.

“Can we go?” Etho asked, pushing away the rest of his meal. He didn’t wait for Bdubs and instead hurried out of the McDonalds. Bdubs rushed after, throwing a quick thank you to Grian. Tommy shouted back instead, vastly misinterpreting it.

“I want to go hiking. We can drive to the mountain, but I want to get to the top.” Bdubs led the way to his car. Etho still couldn’t shake his anxiety of getting in that car. After the first close call he wanted nothing to do with that death trap. He did not want to die in a car. He had avoided cars for so long it would piss him off to die in one.

“I don’t think I’ve been hiking in years, I’m down. Converse aren’t the best but I’ll deal with it. It’s not like my feet are gonna hurt tomorrow.” Etho jokes. Bdubs punched him in the arm at the sick comedy.

Etho didn’t know if Bdubs drove like a maniac because he was going to die, or if that was his usual style. But he weaved through traffic like a tetris player in the middle of a prize winning competition. He either ignored the honking or straight up didn’t hear them. He was so focused on getting to whatever mountain they were heading to he nearly hit an elderly woman. He missed though. It wasn’t her day to die, then.

Bdubs slowed as they left the city. Etho had never really left, he’d grown up surrounded by metal and concrete. Maybe it was nice to die away from it all? Somewhere strange and new. Beautiful and wild. The mountains loomed large and dark, so similar yet different from his home, and in a way so like his enclosing fate. The paved roads changed to dirt and open landscapes changed to tall spruce and oak trees.

Etho threw himself out of the car as soon as they hit the forest. Bdubs ignored him and stretched. He grabbed a stick on the ground and tested its weight. “Look at that! Free walking stick!”

Etho groaned and pushed himself up. The one good thing about dying today; he would never have to deal with Bdubs’ god-awful driving ever again. After all, this was probably the last place they would end up. They somehow hadn’t died on the road. Etho had no clue how they could die on the mountain, though. Would they be killed by some bear?

Bdubs poked Etho with his stick. “Come on, we’re not dead yet.”

Etho pushed himself up and sighed. “No, but we’re pretty damn close. Let’s go, maybe this mountain is a volcano and is gonna explode soon.”

“Now that would be a way to go!”

Etho had to admit the long trek was relaxing on his mind. It was painful and he had to stop way too often, but he was disappointed he hadn’t done this more. He didn’t really believe in an afterlife or some god he’s supposed to see, but if he were to be reincarnated, he hoped he were smart enough to think about coming here. Maybe he would even be a tree. A nice dark oak tree.

Neither of them talked much during those next few hours. They didn’t have much to talk about. They were just waiting at this point. Who would be first? Etho or Bdubs? Etho didn’t know if he hoped it was him or not. It was a stupid and horrible system, the whole phone call business.

The top of the mountain was even more amazing, especially at that time of the day. The city was far, but Etho could still see the lights sparkling. The forest around them was dark with the waning light, only the last rays of sun dipped over the horizon and lit up clouds of pink and purple. Etho couldn’t help but stand and watch as the light disappeared and plunged them into darkness. Pink clouds were quickly replaced by gray whisps, the moon taking the place of the sun.

“Damn, it’s beautiful up here at night.” Bdubs breathed out.

Etho had to agree. The day had been long and tumultuous, but looking at the billions of stars was worth the climb. The day was ending and they had little time left. He had never been in the woods at night, but now that he was, he was glad he had come.

“I didn’t even say bye to my roommate.” Etho admitted.

Bdubs turned to him curiously. “Why not?”

Etho shrugged. “I couldn’t. I don’t want his last thoughts about me to be me dying.”

Bdubs sighed. “I told my roommate and he kinda understood. I told him that I’d rather not spend it sitting in my room just waiting for it. I can’t do that. You didn’t tell your family?”

Another shrug. “Same reason. Maybe it’s bad, but I want them to remember the happy stuff, ya know?”

“That kinda makes sense.” Bdubs admitted. “I think mine would try to stop it. I mean, you can’t, but they would try. They wouldn’t just let me wait around for it. That’s why I went out today.”

Etho nodded. He could understand that. Waiting for death seemed like a personal hell. He’s heard stories of people trying to get out of death by staying in one place the whole day only for someone to break in or die of a heart attack. Some people choose how they go out and a suicide death is slapped on. He always wondered what those people thought right before they did it. What if that truly was how they were to die? If they just had someone come at the right time, could death be cheated? Or were they destined to simply die one day, death be damned how it happens.

There were only a few hours left in the day. He was getting tired as well. All the adventures had taken so much out of him. It wasn’t just the running around and non-stop trips, though he had to admit multiple of those were his idea. He was hungry, they had missed dinner after all. He hadn’t expected to end up on top of a mountain, but he also hadn’t expected to die today. Hungry, tired, and ready to die, Etho was feeling content with how things had turned out. He could stop stressing knowing there was nothing he could do, there was no stopping the inevitable.

“What would you do if today didn’t happen?”

Etho glanced over at Bdubs lying on the ground. “Good question. Probably be working on a computer. I wouldn’t have done the dishes. I don’t really do much, I usually end up causing trouble when I do.”

Bdubs grinned. “So graphic design is your passion?”

Etho threw a branch at Bdubs. “Shut up. What about you?”

Bdubs shrugged. “Dunno. I’m kinda the opposite. I really like to explore the city. I get inspiration from random stuff I see so I’d probably just take a walk somewhere. I’ve been into photography lately. I wouldn’t have spent it running around with you.

“I wouldn’t have spent it in a car with your bad driving.” Etho grinned.

“Hey!” Bdubs yelled. “My driving is impeccable. You can’t even drive."

“I don’t need to drive to know you’re the worst driver in the world.”

“Why I outta-”

Bdubs complaining was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing. Etho’s phone. He looked at the caller ID and nearly dropped it. He was only supposed to hear from Death once in his life. Bdubs caught a look at it the same moment Etho did and paled. Why were they calling again? They never called twice. At least, not that he’s heard of.

“Answer it.” Bdubs forced out. Etho didn’t want to. Can someone die twice? Is that even possible?

Etho slid to accept the call anyway and heard the preppy voice of Death. “Hello! Is this Etho Slab?”

“Yes.” Etho answered shakily.

“Thank goodness I caught you! There appears to have been a mixup in our system. Your name was replaced with someone else. This is a 1 in 7 trillion chance of this happening.”

Etho fell to his knees. All day, all damn day he had feared every step he took, every breath, and it turned out it was a lie? He was going to pass out. “Oh.”

“Yes, congratulations! You live another day. Funeral plans will be canceled immediately and optional therapy sessions will be available to you. Have a wonderful day!”

They hung up. They dropped that bomb and just hung up. Etho stared at Bdubs, looking equally as shocked. “I’m not gonna die.”

Seconds after, Bdubs phone buzzed in his pocket. The two stared, not giving into the thought of it being the same call. There was no way. It was impossible. “H- Hello?”

Etho stared at Bdubs. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but could only assume the same conversation was happening on the other end.

Bdubs nodded but remembered they couldn’t see him. “Yes.”

There was a beat of silence and Bdubs hung up. He’d heard everything he needed to. This wasn’t happening but it was. He sat on the ground trying to process this new information.

“We’re not gonna die.” He whispered, smiling at Etho. “Etho, we’re not gonna die!”

Etho fell onto his back and gazed at the sky. Bdubs’s shouts of excitement were background noise to the racing thoughts. How does he even move on from this? He has trauma now. Bdubs sat next to Etho. He was grinning like a madman. How was he so happy when the world had just been flipped. An hour. They would’ve had an hour left.

What had happened to the other two? There were two people out there who didn’t realize they were dying today. Had they already died? Were they dying? How did it happen? They weren’t even warned, they didn’t spend their last days how they wished. Etho felt guilt gnaw at him. It wasn’t his fault, though. He didn’t tell people about their death. This wasn’t on him. He tried to rationalize with himself but the thought that he was selfishly spending the day carelessly while others lived in ignorant demise ate at him.

“What do we even do now?” Etho asked.

Bdubs shrugged. “Go back to life. Just, ya know, be normal guys. Bros being dudes.”

Etho had fun with Bdubs today. Sure, they never would have met were it not for the mixup, or maybe they would. Maybe this was fate's weird way of bringing them together. Either way, he didn’t want to leave his new friend. He had more fun than he had in months all in one day. He didn’t want to go back to normal life. He couldn’t.

“You’ll have to give me your address and stuff, though. I wanna meet that cat of yours you mentioned.” It was like his mind was read.

Etho laughed. “Yeah, lemme take a week to recover from this, then we’ll talk.” God, he couldn’t wait to tell Beef about this.

#ethoslab #bdoubleo100 #hermitcraft fic #key writes

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volfoss · 4 years ago

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ships to rate: bruabba and gyjo? maybe even yasugap if you're up for it

ok ur about to see such a long post its nto even gonna be funny, tldr i love them all

also gonna put a fic i really like for them if ive read one/ a fic idea i wanna write plus maybe ranting, this is not coherent but my spelling isnt too bad

post under cut bc its very long

Bruabba:

my loves my lifes

they r so soft for each other

the fucking rain scene when bruno extends his umbrella

and how bruno is like trying to hold back his emotions post abba dying

in case its not super obvious by the sheer volume of bruabba content i reblog this is one of my otps

ALSO the fucking boat scene where abba pretty much is like yeah ur home bruno

ajdskjghdsgjk

hc that they r meeting up in the afterlife w nara and having a good time (also read a phenomenal fic about it that ill link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33118039 it is emotionally fucking me up days later <3)

dads dads dads but bruno is the caring dad that just gets you and takes care of you in the most gentle way and will sacrifice himself over and over again to see u happy and abba is the sitting in the armchair and u sneak in like 2 minutes past ur curfew ur busted but i was also worried about you

these two men own my whole heart (also my ao3 history i exclusively am reading bruabba and dadbacchio)

i have so so many thoughts toward them like yeah i just love them so much

i will never ever not write them as in love

t4t and bi4bi

every single canon thing about them makes me so soft but i think what makes me softest is just how its so clear that they rely on each other in situations

fanon interpretation rant rq:

but how some ppl really interpret them so ooc that its just like bruno mommy and abba cares about literally none of their kids (explanation on the mommy thing is bc most of things that do that are weird bc they really r treating bruno like a single parent who is raising the gang on his own and thats all when abba is literally there and caring about ppl (ie the purple haze incident w giorno, like he wasnt the most nice in his wording but why else would he be like hi move away from the danger if he didnt care??)

ppl also just tend to not really do the separation between how abba acts around others and how he acts towards bruno and has him being kinda aggressive towards him for literally no reason when they r literally so soft w each other

and also they r both so fucking pretty and i am in love with them both

if i think about them too long i will combust and i am blaming u solely for that one

ship dynamic of savior x savior bc they both really did save each other and i love them sm

fic ideas for them r they both live and leave passione and take their kids w them <3 (gang would crumble but thats not my problem)

ok also another hc that i have for them is that bruno will buy larger sweaters and wear them and give them to abba if hes having a rough time, they have a shared closet imo

10/10 ship

Gyjo:

OK OK OK

FEELINGS ON MAX

these guys r also my beloved but in a depressed x very happy but hiding depression way

the the fuckingn way that gyro ltierally risks everything in the ringo roadagain fight to save jognny

and the way that johnny is literally fucking broken post gyro persiheing and adopts his speech pattern a bit and ugh

I am obsessed w gyjo but i think the funniest crack ship is poly but w diego and they all fucking suffer (fic that sold me on that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22887796/chapters/54705517)

i cannot find the one fic that i really loved for them but needless to say i am soft w them living and just being together

update i found it: its a modern au and really really sweet! https://archiveofourown.org/works/31821940/chapters/78780595

one day ill actually write the fic idea i had for them which was basically they live and they dont sell the land they got from the sugar mountain arc and johnny wanted to start somewhere fresh anyways and gyro adopts marco and they make a lil log cabin and have a nice rest of their lives

i am a massive sucker for their ship

ALSO how johnny is always laughing at gyros jokes

smth i wish we got more of in canon were those moments where they just chilled and talked and had those kinda interactions

fandom complaining time!! the fucking way that some ppl just really take the gyro funny and johnny submissive trope is like my biggest pet peeve. did they not read sbr?? did they not see the multiple times that johnny has murdery eyes? i think personally its ppl infantilizing him a lot and it makes me really frustrated

ok also a fic that really really fills me desire for a they all live and everyone is happy is this one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22812394

i love them sm but unfortunately cannot have coherent thoughts about them :(

10/10 ship

Yasugap:

gonna start this out w saying i did mildly speedread through jojolion so i dont have as many big screamy thoughts

BUT!!! them!!!!!

their canon interactions r the cutest thing and even if they werent, id ship it solely to spite joshu

josuke is a million trillion times better for yasuho (not just bc of how joshu is a fucking freak and is absolutely the worst i would run him over with a dump truck)

i really like how they both r so happy around each other but i think my favorite scene w them is when yasuho has to explain to josuke that hes crying and hes just like :') yeah

but they have so so many cute moments and the ending makes them the only couple to make it out of this list

i love how yasuho is just like willing to drop anything to help him and how they help each other out a lot during the whole time (if im remembering right?)

their dynamic is just 2 sweethearts

also love the moment that hes like look away yasuho :) then proceeds to beat a man up

they r canon (as is everyone else sorry <3)

i dont read a lot of part 8 fic since i need to reread it to properly understand the plot post like chapter 65? so i dont have any recs or complaints

BUT i do have a few hcs!!

i think yasuho would get josuke matching phone straps or phone cases

and when they move in together, i think they would raise sugar gliders (or potentially kidnap squirrels from the local park)

i love all of yasuho and josukes interactions but oh man every time that josukes past gets brought up i do start bawling

they both mean the world to me and how their romance is just built on such a clear foundation of trust and care it makes me so soft

they both give off such dog ppl energy tho and i love that for them

ALSO ok the way that yasuho helps josuke w his memory and is always there for him

i will never ever ever get over them

but i think one of my favorite scenes is the one right at the beginning where she gives josuke his name and how that plays into the rest of the story with him discovering his identity but still clinging to the one that she gave him since it was him, he wasnt just kira or josefumi he was josuke

10/10

if i think about them anymore i will start sobbing, the last chapter wrapped every last thing up so well and im so so glad that it did

#vento aureo spoilers #sbr spoilers #jjl spoilers #asks #wholesome mutuals

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andithiel · 5 years ago

Text

New fic: Of toenail clippings and designer underwear

Author: Andithiel Pairing: Drarry Rating: T Length: 4k Tags: EWE, Healer Student Harry,Terrible flatmates,Appalling hygiene, Pining Harry Potter, Oblivious Harry Potter, Smug Hermione, Banter, Snarky Draco Malfoy, Draco in lingerie, Harry getting an aneurysm, oh my god they were roommates, Implied sexy times Summary: Harry is tired of walking in on Ron and Hermione in various states of undress. But since Pansy recently moved in with Ginny there’s another room available. The fact that the room in question is in the same flat where Malfoy lives shouldn’t cause any problems. Right?

Excerpt: The door to the bathroom opened and Harry’s jaw dropped, because out stepped Malfoy in a cloud of vapour, skin still damp from the shower, and with a towel wrapped around his waist. Harry choked as Malfoy let out a little sigh of contentment and flicked his hair, little droplets of water hitting Harry on the face. Suddenly, Harry’s trousers felt tight, and he sensed heat rising up on his neck, probably caused by the steam from the shower. He cleared his throat and Malfoy turned to him, looking surprised.

“Oh, Potter, back already?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “I guess you didn’t hear me come in, so I assume that’s why you’re… this informal.”

Malfoy paused, and Harry tried desperately to keep his eyes on Malfoy’s face and not on his pink nipples and shiny skin and Merlin, it really was getting hot in the room.

“Informal? You mean I’m failing to follow the appropriate dress code for being recently out of the shower?”

“Yeah, er, I guess you have a point. I just… I think, since we’re going to live together, we need to establish some… rules, or guidelines, on how to dress properly,” Harry said, shifting in his seat to cross his legs.

Malfoy followed his actions with his gaze, his eyes lighting up. “Right,” he said slowly, with an ominous sweetness to his voice. “I guess you’re right. I’ll make sure to, ah, dress more properly in the future. Wouldn’t want you to get an aneurysm upon seeing my naked chest,” he continued, and Harry realised he’d been staring. Shit. He hastily looked down to his book again, pretending to read.

“Uh, yeah, thanks Malfoy, I appreciate it,” he mumbled, glancing up when Malfoy sauntered off towards his room, the twin dimples above his arse moving tantalisingly as he went.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

Read the rest on AO3

My first submission for @gameofdrarry Ides of Drarry! It took me a while to get into this prompt, but then someone posted this picture on the Drarry discord and I had to include Draco in lingerie. Thank you so much to my beta crew @etalice @scarshavestories and @kristinabrd for helping me and squeeing with me, I love you all so much 💖 💖 💖

#drarry #drarry squad #draco malfoy #harry potter #ides of drarry #pining #banter #snarky draco #draco in lingerie #really guys check out this picture #it's hot af #andithielwrites #again!

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noninsigni · 5 years ago

Text

040320201118

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

— all of the time. i always wonder what it’d be like to have a different brain, but i dont wish to be any specific person, just... not me.

2: What is your full name?

— paige marcia thompson, heh.

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

— 20. ive been mistaken for ages 14-22.

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

— i couldnt even guess a ball park number of how many times ive dyed it.

5: What’s your eye color?

— can i lie and say green til its true? jk, brown with hints of green ;)

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

— i mean i hate it but try not to, highly uncomfortable in my skin suit. id tear it off if i could.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

— rose drawing tat, “FIRE” tat lmao, nose, septum and nipple pierced.

8: What would you say is your best quality?

— physically, i have a cute nose. personality wise, open mindedness. personal thing, the way i think heh

9: What are you really bad at?

— relationships.

10: What talent do you wish you had?

— anything having to do with music

11: Are you nice to everyone?

— im nice unless im pissed off, then im mean to everyone.

12: What do you think about the most?

— existence, pre existence, post existence.

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

— LIKE: knowledge, music taste, ability to forgive, sometimes im funny, the fact that my laugh changes daily, the fact that i give drunk pep talks and motivational speeches to people i love hahahaha, how intensely i think and feel about things.

—DISLIKE: emotions control me more than i control them, basically everything physically, how easy it is for me to rage, drug habits, secrets

14: What is your least favorite word?

— panties, clucking.

15: What is your favorite word?

— sacapuntas/muñeca for spanish, idk for english. unofficial word, lachesism.

16: Are you more like your mom or dad?

— i used to always think i was an exact copy of my dad but sometimes i feel a lot like my mom. def still more dad though.

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

— bitch, DAILY

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

— i didnt think my mom would appreciate me at 14 years old telling her i was going to go drink myself to death in the woods. idk LOL

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

— only to myself. these answers are true! my thoughts are lies. hehehehe identity crisis;)

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

— i think the oldest was 33 and i did not appreciate it.

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

— i wish. but no.

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

— with every fiber of my being.

23: Are looks important?

— no, but we’re brainwashed to believe they do.

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

— do what makes you happy. love who you love, but no way in hell am i dating anyone outside of 3-4 years older or a year younger.

25: Would you date someone off the internet?

— it didnt go so well the last time, so no.

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

— ive cried over both!

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

— bitch thats MY TYPE.

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

— love wise, yes. friend wise, yes.

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

— uhhhh, yes. at least 4 people now.

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

— imagine drunkenly confessing your love to your best friend and then just pretending it never happened. hahh.. haha.. ha.

31: How does someone win your heart?

— show me passion. even if its just talking about a very simple thing. teach me things without meaning to. care for me during extreme lows.

32: What turns you on?

— body language, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS FUCK ME, wording, teasing, intelligence, confidence, singing, ability to play instruments, and then theres all the actual sex stuff lol

33: What turns you off?

— bad breath, illness, submissive men, low self esteem, men being animals lol, certain pet names, certain voices

34: Do you get jealous easily?

— oh you betcha. ive punched concrete til my hands bled over seeing a subtle flirt between someone i wasnt even dating & a pretty girl lol

35: What is your definition of cheating?

— anything physical you’d usually only do with your partner that you feel the need to hide from them. sending nudes. das about it though.

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

— in a way, yeah. but mostly no, it sits in the back of my mind always even if i remain in contact.

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

— many times! but guess who cares? not me

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

— indeed. i disgust myself, yeah thats right.

39: How often do you listen to music?

— almost everyday

40: First concert you attended

— Black Eyed Peas!!! hehe fergie was so hot. i remember thinking that when i was 10 and was like o.O am i a LEZ BEE IN?

41: Last movie you watched

— The Gentlemen

42: Favorite type of movie

— horror.

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

— i kinda talk about everything bc the only way i know myself is through the stories ive gathered from living. but idk. there probably is and i just cant think

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

— if i want to, yes. but thats stupid so why try?

45: Do you fall in love easily?

— no. i get interested easily but i slip like sand thru peoples hands

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

— i think some people say it too much but most people dont say it enough.

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

— christmas i guess but really i hate all of them

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

— i am, sometimes i wish i had higher expectations and more defined boundaries.

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

— hot springs in Lake Arenal, Costa Rica.

50: What’s your “type”?

— mentally unstable, free thinker, intelligent, spontaneous, ability to be content staying in or going out

#personal #unusual answers #unusual asks

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arkus-rhapsode · 6 years ago

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Fairy Tail 100 Years Quest Chapter 12 Review

Oh my god... What the heck is even going on?

So our cover page is Natsu and Lucy, and Natsu I hope you enjoy that brain freeze.

So we open on Jellal confronting Touka. We learn like how Avatar was devoted to black magic there was a group devoted to white magic. Now this is cool, but literally if you watch the anime recently, that arc was done in 5 episodes. So this feels really odd on how much effort is being put into it.

Like if there was like something tying into Tenrou or hell edolas, that make more sense, given all thee time on it.

So Jellal describes White magic as a philosophy of nothingness, which that doesn’t make sense. Fans of yugioh gx might compare this the darkness and light in that series and how darkness led to creation while light was subjugation. But Black magic is clearly about ending life or manipulating life. I guess you could dumb it down to all life, but literal Ankherseram black magic is portrayed as nothing but death. So wouldn’t white be about life? I guess nothingness as life without personality isn’t wrong, but this feels like a stretch.

Also, Mashima said anyone could learn any type of magic. So why is that an abnormality? Like if this was Black Clover where you are assigned a single affinity that be one thing.

Suddenly Laxus steps in, and want to make this clear. I don’t exactly hate the idea behind this. That Laxus wants to defend someonew ho is a part of his family, given his new found view on FT, and its using the family aspect of FT on its head. Someone bad could be using FT’s family mentality for personal benefit. Which is interesting.

Okay, well Jellal has a reason, she is suspect and as a guild master he has authority to take her in. However, Laxus you of all people know that people in your guild will still harm it.

On the one hand im torn, the shounen loving half of my brain wants to see this fight. But the logical half says that these two are mature adults with enough common sense to take this to the run knights. And confrontation is over after this page.

Yeah for a chapter named after the two, its got very little to do with theem. Instead.... The worst thing in the chapter happens. We cut to Diablos’ ship and we see this.

Yes you are seeing this right. For people who were saying I was to harsh, calling this a submissive Erza fetish that Mashima is putting out, I ask you read this chapter.

You know I can’t tell if Skullion means this is temporary as in terms of magic, or temporary as Kyria will grow bored, but I do know that this is nothing but sick and tastess. Also props to Madmorel for having some class to be disgusted by the perv in the group. Like that is becoming a rarity these days.

We are guided down to the lower deck where natsu and wendy are being held, the motion sickness keeping them in check.

I’ve been putting this off long enough, its time to rant. This is bull shit. People told me, i was too harsh on mashima, but at the least I thought this was some sort of temporary thing that was meant so Kyria could get a win in a fight, but this might be some permanent magic effect feels disgusting.

Now, people say that this happened cause people would rag on Erza, called Erza fights awful, and that now Mashima is going in the complete opposite dirction. You didn’t like strong erza, fine! Here’s weak Erza, you happy cynics?

But that’s not the case. People didn’t like Erza because she was “too strong” she was someoone who went from this amazing badass female character, to this static friendship speech spewing tool that never truly got any development. Its painful for people to see a character like Erza not grow after she had developed so much in ToH, but it just was never followed through. All the times she won just felt like a poor spectacle without any character behind it.

Now you could say an erza who needs to get her strength back could be character development. No. Cutting away a person’s strength with “magic” is not character development, its forced regression. Its the author literally creating an unrealistic situation bcause he has no idea what to do with her after ToH, hell he can’t even fully commit to a love story between her and jellal.

When Erza came onto the scene, she was cool, in control, yet could over react at times. To see her be pushed to her lowest by ToH and then recover and face midnight in OS, is peak Erza character shining through. That this is how erza’s development deserved to be treated. But Watching Erza crawl on the ground, be spanked, and cry for mercy like a hentai doll, all because of plot convince magic is so gross to me. Its ejecting the Erza that we all love and stripping her of all that personality just for this.

So if you blame this development on people who were too hard on Mashima about how he was writing Erza, I, a critic and very judgemental person, find this worse than any of the nakama power or skimpy armors.

Erza being trapped in Kyoka’s sex dungeon was bad, but you know what, EErza actievly resisted it. She didn’t want to be there aand tried to fight back. It wasn’t handled well, but that t least felt like whatt her character would do in this situation. But this was forced upon her and this is nothing more than an Erza made for this arc.

Also, lets step out of this and look at this from the meta perspective that this is also extremely lazy. In Eden’s zero there’s a villain who is all about subjugating women right now, and Mashima couldn’t be bothered to not let that bleeed into his other work. If that doesn’t scream creately lazy, than I don’t know what will. Also that frog thing in Eden’s zero is actuaally better giveen the fact he’s not mind bending away personality, he’s forcibly turning them in statues to do with what he pleases against their will.

Im not saying this cause im anti ecchi or that im anti mashima, im anti such a hack story writting device that weather you stuck it out as a fan of erza’s till the end of FT or liked her at first but than soured on her, I ask, would you tolerate this? I’m not claiming ownership of the character of Erza, but I am asking do you think that this is worth a character arc because our author couldn’t think of anything better to do with her. You know if you knew Erza was so strong,Ad that in actuality she would sweep away most threats, why did you bring her? I honestly would’ve preferred Jellal and Erza being out of the action cause they had a kid or something. Erza having to pick between biological family and her guild family seems like a better direction to take her character in than this.

To see Erza cry because someone’s magic made her into a slave is so lacking in power than say the sheer emotional weight of watching simon die. Like this is shit is just awful.

We cut to Luccy and here is where I get to credit thee art. Sure Lucy is in a bikini, but what matters in frame is the wounds on her legs. Which is a nice us of having aa skimpy dress and not sexualizing it.

We get a flashback of Lucy realizing Kyriaa took her friends and this is where I give Caramille a big fuck you. Oh sure, this did happen after they showed up, but Diabolos clearly was going to find the place eventually and more importantly, you did fuck all. Like, go screw cause you have contributed literally nothing.

We find out that there is another ship in the area and that Gray is okay because he was saved by you can guess who...

Okay on the one hand, this definitely seems like Brandish’s kind of entrance, but on the other. Fuck you, Hiro. Like she just passed by and saved Gray? Hw? The entire ocean was either freezing or evaporating, what is your range? Also, who is in charge of Alverez? Yajeel? Oi...

Post Chapter Follow up: Its easy to say why I don’t like this chapter. I feel so sick by the sheer amount of laziness and disgust in the slave Erza plot. Like, my god this is so wrong. Not because of the subject, human slavery makes sense in a series aimed at teenagers, but the sheer disrespect that Hiro treated this character, made my blood boil. At the very least in Alvarez, Erza still seemed like she was the same character from beginning of the series.

People who follow me weekly on this review series are probably going to ask when I will stop harping on this Erza thing. Well each week, it somehow get worse and more gross. First time it felt like a cheap win, second it was bad use of domination, now this is full blown fetish material.

As for the brandish thing, I know why she is here, Lucy is literally not strong enough to handle 3 DE’s by herself with a few exceeds, and I’d accept that Brandish reentering the series. But maybe leave out Gray? I guess you could say that this is a subversion of the Musica captured by Doryu, but this feels lazier. You could’ve just made this a big “step up Lucy plot,” but no, had to save Gray, even though Skullion should’ve notice when his magic didn’t actually ash up Gray. Plus think about, if they save save Natsu and Wendy this arc and beat these three dragon eaters, wouldn’t some added bit of tension to the quest be finding diablos’s hideout and saving Gray from the “dinner table?”And I was cool with the kidnapped gray thing, but no, we had to have kidnapped everyone else.Also if he was made small how did he survive the water? Like he’s the size of a pin, he’d drown.

Now the stuff with Laxus and Jellal is actually fairly good Its an interesting take on FTs standards vs the consequences of their past when we are suppose to be rooting for Touka to be extracted. And involving two characters that really have been in the moral gray spectrum make them the most qualified for this subject matter. While i definitely didn’t like the Touka plot at first from how disconnected it was from everything (and it really is kinda shoed in on this point) it still is the more interesting plot. It has more intresting ideas than, “more dragons” and is involving the characters that come off as the most interesting.

Final Verdict: 3/10

There is clearly some interesting idea at work here

However, the way the plotline for the dragon portion of this arc has become a mess

I don’t use this phrase lightly, “Erza literally deserves better than this”

Plot convince playhouse at its finest

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schroedingersk8 · 6 years ago

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8.What dating me is like when you THINK you are a DOM.

Posting as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com

It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon. You have just woken up, having spent the night on your sofa. You have fallen asleep while watching Bake Off re-runs and eating take-away, but it is a comfy sofa and you do have a cosy throw, so you didn’t actually bother with going to the bedroom when you woke up for the first time early this morning. You sit up, and a copy of 50 Shades of Grey falls off your pillow. Oh yes!!! You forgot! You have finished THE BOOK! Your girlfriend must have forgotten it when she moved out, having dumped your sorry ass for being too much of a lazy house slob and never wanting to do anything beside telly on the weekends. Did I say girlfriend? EX girlfriend.

You look back at the book, on the floor, and smile! But yes, of course! It makes perfect sense now! The reason your relationship failed, the reason all of them fail, the reason even Tinder dates don’t call you back is because you are, and having read THE BOOK you are now 100% sure -- you are a Dominant man, and they were not submissive enough for you. Yes, yes, that’s it! You, a surprisingly overweight guy in your late 20es who hasn’t left the house since he got back from work on Friday, in a very junior role and currently on probation for accidentally sending a dick pic to your male boss, right now struggling to find your second slipper somewhere under the sofa, amidst a pile of car magazines, some dirty clothes, and an old greasy pizza box, wearing a stretched out formerly white, now itself some 50 shades of grey T-shirt, adorned with both ketchup and mustard stains, and in underpants that look like they are a heirloom from a family with a history of digestive issues -- yes, YOU are the living embodiment of an elusive and mysterious kinky billionaire Christian Grey! And now all the women will fall to your feet! You decide to give up your search for the 2nd slipper, and stand up. A few crisps come tumbling onto the floor. “Strange, I do not even remember eating these last night.” -- you think to yourself. -- You pick up the biggest one and eat it.

You go to your dining table, and make room for your iPad, by pushing everything aside. You open browser, and type in D O M I N A N T, thinking to look at what dominant men are like, at least in the eyes of the society, but the first search suggestion is for dominant women. “Oh yeah!” -- you say out loud, and click “images”. After a few glances, on this ill-fated Sunday afternoon, you come across my picture, and after an even shorter research, you find me on Instagram.

The rest is as follows:

Instagram DM, to my account that asks for NO DMs, please:

-- HI

Pleased with yourself, and with a feeling of an accomplished mission, you go to the loo. You come back, good half an hour later, having jerked off in the shower because the idea of meeting me has gotten you all hot and bothered. You are now wearing an old dusty pink bathrobe -- yet another remnant of your ex -- to find that your message has neither been read, nor replied to. You think a little, and your brilliant mind produces another pearl:

-- HOT! [aubergine emoji] [water drops emoji]

ALL from the mind that brought us the “HI”...

In about an hour, you realise that I probably won’t read your messages on there, nor respond to them. You actually bother to click onto my profile, and find the email in my contact details. Score 1 for thorough investigation and due diligence.

You write:

Subject: Your Christian Grey.

Hi, I have come across your insta and you look hot, it says you are a domme but I think all this is only to show, and that what you really need is this hot young buck to bend you over the table and fuck you. Agreed?

C G

And you attach a dick pic. Yup, same one you’ve sent to your boss. It actually isn’t even your own dick pic, your dick is shorter than that and has too much foreskin, so you use the one you once got sent by some drunk guy on Snapchat, who thought you were a girl. Clever!

A day passes without any response from me. On Monday you go to work, you expect to come back to an email from me. It does not happen. Nor does it happen on Tuesday. Nor on Wednesday. On Thursday night you go out for a few pints with the mates, and come back home tipsy. You go back on Instagram, to look me up again. I still haven’t followed you, replied or even read your messages.

-- BITCH

-- WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT ID EVER EVEN FUCH YOU

-- HAHAHA I HAVE A MUCH HOTTER GF THAN YOU

-- SUCK THIS -- say you, yet again sending me a picture of another man’s penis.

In about two weeks from the described event I check my Instagram DMs from people I do not follow, and come across your messages. I recognise you, from the dick pic. Which wasn’t even yours!

How can I possibly know that? Well, I have seen a few nice black dicks before, but never in my life have they been attached to a pasty white dude. And yes, I learn all that from glancing over your own Instagram profile and pictures, before I press “delete” and “block”.

And this is how our love affair ends, with me, laughing to myself, and wondering whether it would be ethical, in this day and age of mermaids and unicorns, to use my superpowers to make someone self-identify as a Cockwomble, instead of a Dom.

P.S. And if you managed to crack one off to any part of this post, then there is really nothing on the internet that you wouldn’t masturbate to, is there?!

No one, under the penalty of the EU copyright laws, is allowed to use or reproduce my blog or individual posts, or even passages, in any way, shape or form, be it for Netflix series, Amazon books, or anything of the kind, regardless of the credit given. K8Morgan.com.

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arianaistired · 7 years ago

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My Experience Meeting Taylor (WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK)

@taylorswift THATS US WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

(also I just finished typing this and it’s so so fucking long I’m so sorry this is a warning. I don’t even get to rep room for so long I can’t breathe I’m so sorry)

Okay, so I’m at work right now, but I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about Saturday--which can really be the tagline for the past 3 days of my life--and then I realized that I haven’t posted a single thing about it on tumblr dot com!!! I’ve really not shut the fuck up about it on twitter but this is a whole new platform, a whole new WORLD that I have not tapped into and annoyed everyone by talking CEASELESSLY about this experience. Like I’m pretty sure that everyone is going to murder me on twitter if i don’t shut up soon, but we’re not there yet on papersairplane dot tumblr dot com so here we fucking go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay the story of my day on Saturday really begins on Friday night after Metlife night 1, a joyous occasion wherein Taylor Swift Touched My Hand at the barricade. So I was just like floating on a fucking cloud after that concert, trekking back to the lowly island of Long Island, New York and texting my friend jess @monica-geller. I was thinking about how I’ve done literally nothing to try to meet miss swift in my entire meaningless existence on this earth and I was thinking about how it doesn’t hurt to TRY so I was like hm. I’ll make a post!!! I didn’t but more on that later.

So i tell jess I’m gonna make a post and then in classic ariana fashion I just sit there on the train not making my post bc i was like deadass...I have nothing to say like nothing about me is particularly interesting it’s not like my house caught on fire and, in the absence of a fire hose, i used the soothing lyrics of stay beautiful from taylor swift’s debut album (2006) to will the flames into submission. like i just really love that woman i don’t have anything else TO SAY. omg side note i love how this started off with proper grammar and spelling and capitalization and now i’m talking like i don’t even know how to read. whatever. so then liz @lastskiss decides to get a fucking idk like a call from God Herself (stream god is a woman by ariana grande) and she’s like wow i should make ariana a post and i see her tweet and i’m life fuck it i’ve told her not to in the past but i’m tired and lazy and nothing’s gonna come of this anyway so i’ll let her make the post. so i text her my seat info and then i’m like “wow my work is done here i’m so talented for pressing send on the imessage app.”

so liz makes this post and is like “should i post it :O” and jess is like “yeah post it that dumb bitch is never gonna do anything herself” which...tea….and liz, being an intellectual in addition to being a magical wizard, is like “tea” and does it. Idk why this is a short novel already but i’m extremely bored at work and trying to get all the deets in. so this is at like i wanna say 1:45am EST aka everyone’s asleep except for liz in LA and jess in australia. so i reblog it once bc if you haven’t already grasped it i’m a lazy dumbass with low expectations and i go to sleep like “my work here is done.” so liz and jess and a few other beautiful souls by jesse mccartney reblog the post while i’m asleep, unbeknownst to me, and a few hours later at 8am i wake up and get ready for brunch. So i’m well aware that it’s gonna rain tonight so i’m like i should not put that much effort into my appearance bc i’m going to look like a drowned rat by the end of this day (stupid, but not untrue i really did) so i like actually do the bare minimum like i just basically put on whatever was most comfortable to dance around in the pouring rain in and then zoomed out the door for brunch bc it was in harlem at 12 and i was on long island at 9 so i was like g2g.

change of scenery now: i’m at brunch in harlem with a bunch of friends and soon to be friends and its 12:15 and i’m like “cool i’m with people from the internet so it’s not rood if i check twitter” and I do and i see a dm notification and i’m like oh the let me check. And check i did. And what the fuck was there??? 10 hours after liz hit send on that blessed post what was in my direct messages on the twitter for iphone app? That’s right friends and foes. It was a dm from one miss taylor nation. And what do i do???????????? I turn my phone face down on the table and my hands just start shaking and i’m pretty sure i blacked out as if i was having a petit mal seizure. So i come to, and pick my phone back up and send them my name, my number, and the best time for them to call (“you can call me at literally any time and i will pick up”) and i turn my phone face up on the table and stare at it. And stare. And stare…………...and an hour and a half (!!!) later FINALLY i get a call from miss nation. And i sprinted out of that restaurant. The poor waitress probably thought that denise @pettyswift had threatened to murder me with how fast i ran out of the premises. 10 mins later i return to the table and everyone’s staring at me with expectant gazes and i’m just like completely utterly non reactive like i think i was just in shock because i didn’t understand what was happening. Like i literally expected it to be merch lmaosafujkafn like so to get to speak to whoever that was on the phone and to hear her say the words “if all is fine and you get confirmed, you will be meeting taylor tonight” was jsut….a shock to the system to say the least. So i was still anticipating it to go wrong because like what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK????? Anwyay. So i get the confirmation and i’m still completely nonreactive but i call my friend anthony @shakeitoffs to tell him (sidenote: i know we’re not supposed to tell anyone but like. I was going with him to the concert i had to. Like i was already under a lot of stress i’m sure everyone understands if i didn’t follow all the rules to a t) and i say goodbye to the table and i start making my journey from harlem to new jersey.

fast forward a few hours to ~4pm and literally the only thoughts in my brain are “what the fuck” “i’m so scared” and “can jess wake the fuck up” like idk why i was so concerned with jess waking up asjkfas like i just NEEDED HER TO WAKE UP. so anthony and i make our journey to metlife because i needed to be at will call between 4-5 to pick up my rep room pass. Anthony’s buzzing, i’m on the verge of throwing up, liz is freaking the fuck out, and jess still isn’t awake. And i get to will call and give them my ID fully expecting something to go wrong….and it does!!! The will call people are like “maam we havent gotten anything from taylor nation yet please check back in 20 mins.” cool. So finally at this point jess wakes up and is freaking out so now liz anthony and jess are all freaking out and i’m just terrified that something’s going to go wrong. FINALLY 15 mins later the will call people waved me back, i gave them my ID, and i received in my undeserving hands that yellow ass rep room paper. I nearly threw up. Bc at this point i had been like working under the assumption t hat something, ANYTHING, was going to go wrong like i half expected the uber to the stadium to spontaneously combust while i was in the car. So to have confirmation that i was supposed to be at a certain gate in less than 40 mins to then be brought backstage to meet taylor alison swift….was a lot. It’s still a lot.

So i take the picture and tweet it and everyone is being so nice and happy for me which only exacerbates the feeling of A Lotness bc i just felt so completely and utterly undeserving, but this isn’t me trying to get people to tell me i deserved it it’s just me being honest about how i felt. And on top of all of this, the fact that i had never in my life tried to meet taylor also meant that i had never in my life prepared to meet taylor. Of course i’ve thought about what i’d say, who hasn’t, but never under the actual assumption that i was meeting taylor. And NEVER with the confirmed knowledge that i was MEETING TAYLOR IN HALF AN HOUR. so, as aforementioned, IT WAS A LOT.

So skip to 5:30, the meeting time, and i’m standing on the floor where i’m supposed to be and waiting in line with like 6 other people waiting for taylor nation to take us backstage. And they start to!!! But then they get to me and ask for my name and i tell them and i’m NOT ON THE LIST JKANFKASJNFJ so im panicking once again like oh this is it. But i tell the tn guy that i got my dm at like 12 that day and i can show it to him and he was like “ohhhh i think i got a text about a late add” and looks through his texts and he’s like “yeah here you are.” which was terrifying like i was really a late ass add huh like someone was like add this girl huh. the.

So finally they bring us backstage.i think i must’ve been visibly distressed at this point bc one of the other fans in line came up to me and was like “you’re nervous too huh” like i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being taken to my execution. They stop us outside of the door and i can see scottifer swift and tree paine and andrea and i’m like “holy fuck this is actually happening.” And giuseppe the dancer walks past me and i’m like “holy fucking shit this is actually happening and also that man is so fucking hot.” they tell us to put all of our shit on the table, and i do (minus my yellow pass which i was still grasping as if it was going to be ripped out of my hands as cameramen crashed the scene like i was on punk’d and everyone including taylor was going to point and laugh at the fact that i actually for one second thought this was going to happen to me. Yes i’m dramatic what about it) and i enter the rep room. The snake habitat if you will. I enter a room and the first group goes in almost immediately and i hear taylor swfit’s speaking voice saying “hiiiiiiii” reverberate around the room and i’m like OH MY FUCKING GOD…….so like i said i was nervous and definitely visibly so. Like i’m pretty sure i was pacing. I was also singing along to lets get married by bleachers because i have morals, but i definitely looked scared. So the tn person in the room keeps offering to take polaroids of me next to all of the decorations ajkfjasnfkjnfa like she must’ve been trying to reassure me which i really appreciated.

The room is like a big dark well decorated room that has a well lit corner curtained off, which is where taylor and the photographer are and where the m&g takes place. So for my sanity i needed to like look into it so that my blood pressure could return and so that i didnt throw up on taylor the millisecond i walked into the glow of the ring light, so i casually walked to where the curtain area was and looked in between the two curtains where a sliver of bright ass light was escaping and i saw taylor in all her taylor swifitan glory with my own two unholy eyes and i was liek “well…..that did nothing to cure my stress” because she was just SO TALL AND BEAUTIFUL that i was just so fucking...idk. Idk i felt so nuts it was indescribable.

Lets get married stops playing and strawberries and cigarettes (i think?) starts and it’s my turn to go in. so i just like bite the bullet and do it and the first words that escape my stupid mouth are “holy fucking shit” and taylor laughed (i cant) and hugged me and she was just so. calm . well obviously shes calm shes meeting a known moron there’s nothing to be nervous abou there this was practically charity work for her like she’ll be able to use meeting me as a tax write off next year. Really i was doing her a service.

But anyway we pull back from the hug and she’s smiling at me and i’m pretty sure i was shaking a bit like my voice definitely was shaking. And i was just like “oh my god. I love you.” klasfjasnjkf like i was incapable of speaking at that point so i think she thought that i was just going to freeze up and not say a single word but before she could fill the awkward silence i just...started talking and did not shut upas fjkasnfjkajkf. Like i was like “oh my god hi i want you to know that i could not have anticipated this happening any less like i received the dm from taylor nation confirming this about 4 hours ago there was nothign to prepare me for this i didn’t even do anything my friend liz made a post and she and jess reblogged it at like 2 am last night none of this makes any sense” and she was like “oh my god that’s so nice of them” which TEA IT ABSOLUTELY WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then she said “i’m so happy i finally get the chance to meet you then” which i’m sure she says to everyone but she’s so good at making you feel like she means it like she said that and it was like i had taken a xanax like i was so calm after that. Everyone says you calm down in her presence and i’ve never taken that seriously, but YOU REALLY DO….like shes just so calming she makes you feel like she’s your friend and that she genuinely wants to talk to you as if this is a casual occurrence.

So i say “i really love you like i have an older sister and she’s cool and all but you have always felt like you were my older sister like you’ve been a constant in my life for like a decade. I don’t even remember my life before i was obsessed with you which is probably indicative of a brain issue if i can’t remember my life before i was 11 but its true” and she LAUGHED and like genuinely laughed which made me feel so good. Like maybe she’s just the most talented actress alive but i really felt like she thought i was funny……..the………..and then as if i didnt get it from her laughing she called me funny which is disgusting. I’m doing my best to remember this conversation i like blacked out ajskfnsanf. I DIDNT EVEN TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF whcih is so funny to think about now and honestly im fine with bc my life is boring anyway. But anyway i had been debating requesting a song all day, but i was like fuck it the worst thing she can do is turn me down and call me stupid for asking. So i prefaced my request with: “taylor i know youre probably getting different requests from everyone you meet and i know you also probably alreayd have a song in mind for tonight which is totally fine it’s your concert you can do whatever you want my opinion doesn’t matter i’l love anything you do” and shes laughs and is like “whats the song” and i tell her forever and always. And shes like “OHHHHH oh my god i didnt even think of that song. i have a list of songs in my mind that i can play at each show and forever & always didn’t even cross my mind i dont know why. I’ll be honest i already have a song in mind for tonight i’m going to play fearless because it’s raining” and i was like “THATS SO GREAT i love that song it’s your concert it’s your show do whatever you want i love fearless fearless is my favorite album” and she was like “that’s such a good request i didn’t evne think about that song” and i started telling her how i love that song because it was like the song that really got me into her music bc i saw her talking about it on ellen and she literally interrupted me which was an honor and goes “OH MY GOD and it has the ‘it rains in your bedroom eveyrthing is wrong it rains when youre here and it rains when you’re gone’ line and its going to rain!!! oh my god that’s such a good song i love that song” and i said me too!! Also i’m her complimenting her own song god she’s so talented. She’s absolutely right it is SUCH a good song. And i said “well its raining again tomorrow and i’ll be there!!!” and she was like “but i was thinking about playing [song she didn’t play but i dont want to say--not to be purposefully evasive bc i know its annoying--but bc i dont want her to hate me for saying it publicly asjkfjkas and also bc if she does it at gillette i want to let it be a surprise :( i feel so annoying im sorry] tomorrow because a lot of people requested it” and i was like “I LOVE THAT SONG” and then said something about the song.

And then she said (again) that forever & always was a good request and then looked SO SORRY when she was like “i’m so sorry i’m probably not going to play that today or tomorrow because i already have songs in mind but i promise i’ll try to play it later even though you probably won’t be there :(” and i was like “NO ITS COMPLETELY FINE i loved all the songs you mentioned. I’d love any song that you played it’s your concert do whatever you want you don’t ever have to play it if you dont want to it’s your show you call the shots” and she was like “i love how you keep telling me i can do whatever i want it’s so thoughtful and supportive you’re so nice” LIKE SHE KEPT TELLING ME I WAS NICE THIS WHOLE TIME and i was like “WELL PEOPLE CAN BE DEMANDING” and she was like “YEAH THEY REALLY CAN BE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT THEY’LL GET MAD AT ME OVER ANYTHING they’ll get mad at me if i play a song they don’t like or if i dont play a song they like-” and i was like “i know they’ll get mad at you for excluding so it goes and i’m just like guys its her concert let her live” and she laughed again and called me nice again like she kept saying i’m nice which seems so inconsequential tkjajfnjsa but it was so kind of her shes the best.

So at this point we had been there for a long ass time like it felt long and i was like “wait fuck i haven’t even introduced myself to you” and she was like “whats your name” and i said ariana and she goes “wait like air-iana or like are-iana” and i was like “i literally dont care you can call me whatever you want and i’ll respond” and she like laughed AGAIN and was like “youll just respond to anything huh. But seriously what is it” and i said my name again she was like “ariana. Cool.” bye and then she was like “well do you want to take a picture?” which is when i realized how long it had been and i was like “YEAH” and she just pulled me into a hug for a hugging picture which felt cute bc thats what i wanted to do anyway but she was probably just like god this girl has been in here for 8 years im not asking her what pose she wants to do can we please get going with this jskfnajafs but i didnt mind i was on cloud 9. So as shes hugging me i’m like “oh my god i’m going to blink in this picture and then i’ll have to die” and she was like “you wont blink i promise you wont blink she (the photog) will check to make sure” so we take the pic, the photographer tells me i’m good, and then taylor hugs me again and was like “it’s so nice to meet you” and i was like “it’s so nice to meet you too i didnt expect any of this. thank you so much for all of this i love you” and she huggged me again and called me nice again and then we said bye.

And then the taylor nation girl who was taking my picture (who i then gave all of my polaroids and my rep room pass to for her to hold before i went int asjkfnsafj) was like “here you go sweetie” and gave it to me and then told me to go back out and wait in the hall. And like idk why but once i left the photo area it was like every overwhelming emotion i had felt that entire day came rushing out like i just started crying silently like w tears streaming down my face. Asjkfnaskfjafkj. Like i dont cry so it was so bizarre. I didnt know what was happening. So then i was the only one out there bc i guess the first group had already been escorted out, so i was waiting for the rest of the people to be done and just crying. And then andrea was there so i said hi while crying and she came up to me and was like “hi honey how was it?!?!?” and i was like sarcastically like “oh it was okay ive had better days” and i dont think she knew i was joking at first like her face fell a bit before she realized i cant breahjtraefjs btu she was like “yeah its just a normal saturday for you no big deal” and then i asked her for a picture and she complied of course and i was like “im so sorry for crying idk why im crying” and she was like “its okay sweetie youve been through a lot today” which is honestly the most truthful thing ive ever heard in my life. And then i said “i raelly have” and she was like “this is a really amazing experience for you” and once again no lies detected but it was so funny that she said that about me MEETING HER DAUGHTER JKjkjskafjkfjska. And then i thanked her for raising taylor because i love her or something i cant breahfghasf and she was like “it was my pleasure she made it easy on me” and then finally i was escorted out and i was just crying.

Okay so now i just wanted to tahnk everyone who has been nice to me since saturday it means so so much like obviously i didnt think people would be MEAN TO ME but everyone has been soooooo nice i appreciate it a lot. And also like mayb this is controversial 2 say in this economy but i also want to say that all of the taylor nation people were so nice to me like i think everyones a bit hard on them at times like theyre just doing their jobs guys and it doesnt seem like an easy job sajkfnkjas considering they have to deal with how annoying some of us can be. And also i want to thank all of my friends, jess and liz in particular, bc like i didnt do anything obviously akjfanjksfj like this was all them and i love them so much like they were so happy for me it was equally as exciting to tell them as it was to actually meet taylro idk i just love them so much. IDK WHY IM TREATING THIS LIKE AN OSCARS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH but i obviously obviously i want to thank @taylorswift Idk if you saw my post and requested to meet me or if it was just a coincidence but it was honestly such an amazing experinece and you were so GOOD at talking i cant describe it but you were so calming and i really appreciated it. I feel like we dont appreciate all u do for us enough like youre just so kind and amazing i love you taylor swift i aint never gona stop loving you taylor swift. Idk this was so amazing and so unexpected and i still dont understand how any of this happened to me. THIS WAS CRAZY and it was just everything like everything u hear about meeting taylor is just so true…..shes just so good shes such a good person i want 2 cry………………

if u read all of this…..idk why youd do that but thank you and also im sorry for how long it was i just needed to write it all down for my own memory. Thank youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#this is so annoying im so sorry #i met taylor #what the fucknekdixsosk #save

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spnroundrobin · 8 years ago

Text

Masterpost: Round Three

Prompt: Dean has been acting sketchy for the past couple days and Sam and Cas are curious as to why. After doing a bit of poking around, they discover that Dean has been preparing for a Renaissance fair that Charlie found near the bunker and invited him to attend. Sam and Cas want to come along much to Dean’s embarrassment; shenanigans ensue.

(Remember: This is the gen fic round so no ships, please. Also, we’d like to keep this Teen rated. Obviously Charlie can be included in this round due to the prompt but other side characters will have to be over the phone or on Skype.)

Schedule and Posting Instructions

(As submissions are made, they will be posted here by the mods.)

#1 @zolaliz - Submission: 1

“Woah, Cas! Careful where you’re pointing that thing!”

“Apologies,” he said, passing the large pole-like weapon to his other hand. “I didn’t see you there.”

Sam paused a second, thrown by the look of Cas with a jousting pole in one hand and a knight’s helmet tucked underneath his arm.

“What’s with the knight get up?”

“Dean requested it,” Cas replied simply.

Sam threw his hands up in confusion as Cas continued past him, walking down the hall without any further explanation.

“Wha- Cas! Hey, wait up!” Sam jogged a few paces to catch up, “do you know why?”

“No.”

“And you didn’t think to ask?”

At this, Cas finally stopped walking to deliver Sam a flat look. “I think you and I are both aware of Dean’s tendency for deflection.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I mean, yeah, but-”

“I must get going. Patience isn’t exactly Dean’s strong suit.”

Sam gave another exasperated sigh, “Cas, don’t you think he might be, I don’t know, up to something?”

Cas’s brow furrowed and his mouth pinched into a frown. “Of course not. What makes you say that?”

“All of this!” Sam exclaimed, motioning wildly towards everything Cas was carrying. “You don’t think that’s even the tiniest bit odd?”

Cas shrugged. “I’m sure he has good reason.”

“Good-? Good reason to want knight’s armor and a jousting stick?”

“Goodbye, Sam,” Cas responded instead, leaving Sam alone in the bunker hallway.

Maybe Cas’s faith in Dean was clouding his judgement, but Sam knew better. He could always tell when his brother was acting strange, and one way or another, he was going to get to the bottom of this.

#2 @deadlykittenkay - Submission: 1

Sam watched Cas’ retreating form go down the hallway and head towards Dean’s room. Chewing on his cheek he started to formulate a plan. He needed to know what his brother was up too. It wasn’t even October yet, so Sam immediately ruled out Halloween as a reason for the knight get up.

He decided to follow Cas only to see that Dean was not in his room. Sam stood silently watching as Cas carefully laid out the costume on Dean’s bed. The jousting stick against the wall. He chuckled hearing Charlie’s voice go along to that movie that she loved.

The sound of Sam’s chuckle made Cas turn to him. “Is there something humorous?” The angel asked.

“Sorry, I was thinking of a time when Charlie made Dean and I watch A Knight’s Tale.”

Cas’ face lit up with recognition. “The movie in which the hero wins a jousting match to win the affections of his lady, correct?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah and at one point his buddy says-”

“It’s called a Lance, hello,” Dean finished for him with a smirk.

Sam’s eyes narrow slightly, unsure if it’s because his brother is hiding something or because his brother cut him off.

#3 @jhoomwrites - Submission: 1

Determined not to be distracted, Sam pointed at the jousting equipment. “So what gives? Why you got Cas running around getting you this stuff?”

“Because it’s awesome?” Dean said as though it’s obvious.

“Uh huh.” That had to be one of his brother’s worst excuses… except it was a really common excuse for Dean, so it actually kinda checked out. “You relaly think that’s not a waste of Cas’ angel mojo? Getting random stuff for you just because it’s awesome?”

“… No?”

“I don’t mind,” Castiel said as he poked around the weapons on Dean’s shelf. He picked up the gun Dean had used to kill Hitler and looked at it closely, barely paying the brothers any attention. “We’re not working a case at the moment and there’s nothing Heaven wants of me at the moment. I’m at your disposal.”

“Dude’s bored,” Dean stage whispered to his brother. “Hey Cas, I ever tell you about the time I killed Hitler-?”

“ANYWAY,” Sam interrupted. He’d gotten tired of that story a while ago. Never mind that he knew Cas had heard it at least three times already, but still indulged Dean’s retellings. “You plan on like… just keeping that stuff in your room?”

“… Why not? It’s not like I’d wear it or anything. C’mon Sam, where you get these crazy ideas?” Dean’s nervous laughter had Sam narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Dean was definitely up to something.

#4 @blue-reveries - Submission: 1

It took another day for Sam to find a break in the case.

He was walking back to his room when he heard a phone ringing from the library. When no one seemed to answer it, Sam altered his course and wandered over to see whose phone it was. It was sitting in front of the chair that Dean favored and sure enough, the phone vibrating across the table was his brother’s.

The caller ID said “Queen of Moons.”

Smiling brightly, Sam picked up the phone and answered. “Hey, Charlie. What’s up?”

“I’ll tell you what’s up, Dean,” Charlie said rapidly, not giving Sam a chance to correct her. “The orcs are already starting to kick our ass and guess what? My newly appointed Knight of Strategy is still not here.”

“Charlie, I’m—”

“Oh no, mister,” Charlie said, sounding more frustrated than angry. “And to top everything off, the Warriors of Yesteryear are being a major pain in my ass because I promised a great plan and you aren’t here to help me deliver, Dean.” There was a pause but before Sam could talk, she spoke again. “Where in the frack are you anyway?”

“Um…this is Sam, Charlie,” he said carefully, not wanting to set her off again. Sam didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that. “Dean left his phone on the table and I answered since it was you.”

The line went silent. Sam could hear the somewhat familiar sounds of a Renaissance style camp echoing in the background. He was just about to ask Charlie if she was okay when she broke the silence.

“Holy Gandalf,” Charlie exclaimed before letting out a chorus of “no’s.” “How much would it cost me for you to completely forget everything you just heard?”

The worried guilt in Charlie’s voice struck a chord in Sam’s mind and his eyes narrowed as he mulled this information over. Dean asking Cas for medieval style clothes and weaponry…Dean acting sketchy…Charlie calling to rant to Dean about Moondor…

Everything clicked into place and Sam couldn’t help the excited grin from plastering itself over his face.

“Dean’s coming LARPing with you, isn’t he?”

The silence continued for a few more seconds before Charlie spoke again. “You did not hear any of this from me. Do you hear me, Sam Winchester?”

“Your secret is one hundred percent safe with me,” Sam swore solemnly. He even raised his right hand. “Dean will never know I found this out from you.”

Charlie sighed in relief. “Whew…okay, thanks. Can you just tell Dean that I texted you to have him call me?”

Sam agreed and wished her goodbye. He hung up Dean’s phone and placed it back where he found it. Practically vibrating with glee, Sam thought about what he was going to do. He’d promised Charlie that her name wouldn’t be tied to how Sam found out about Dean’s little hobby.

But he didn’t say he wasn’t going to tell Dean he knew.

#1 @zolaliz - Submission: 2

“So, Dean..” Dean warily turned towards Sam. He already recognized that tone; Sam used it whenever humoring Dean, which meant that Sam probably knew something Dean didn’t. “Since we’ve had a pretty light load of cases, I was thinking maybe I’d call up Charlie, go visit her this weekend.” Sam stood in Dean’s doorway, gaging his response. Dean worked his jaw for a moment, adam’s apple bobbing as he searched for a response. “You- why?” “I haven’t talked to her in ages! Besides, the finale of Game of Thrones aired and I promised I wouldn’t watch it without her.” Dean shifted nervously. “She’s probably busy.” “Yeah? I’ll give her a call anyway, ask about her plans for the weekend.” Dean jumped to his feet, flustered, eyes wide in panic as Sam ducked his head to hide his smile. “N-no, that’s not- dude, I just remembered! She was telling me about this LARPing thing.. a huge battle, she’s busy.” “She’s still doing that? She’s the queen of moods, right?” “Moons,” muttered Dean in correction. “Maybe I’ll tag along. Could be fun.” “What? No! That stuff’s stupid, Sammy, it’s for geeks and losers, which only half applies to you.” Sam paused to give him a quick, flat stare, before his smug grin fought its way back onto his lips. “If it’s so stupid, then why are you doing it?”

#2 @deadlykittenkay - Submission: 2

Sam watched as Dean’s face paled. His eyes widened and he swallowed thickly. “I-I do-don’t,” he stammered before coughing in to his fist. “I don’t know why you would think that, Sammy. I am neither a geek nor a loser.”

“Says the man who’s memorized Mel Gibson’s speech in Braveheart.”

“Of course I have. It’s an awesome speech.”

Sam shrugged his shoulders, feigning disinterest in the topic. “I think I still might go. Might be fun.”

“What about a case?”

“Dean?” Cas’ voice carried from behind them. “Is the chain supposed to go over the leather or under?” The Angel asked.

“Cas! What the hell man?” Dean quickly moved to Cas placing his hands on Cas’ shoulders and turning him around. “I don’t know crap about this junk.”

“But Dean-” Cas’s protests where cut off when Dean shoved him roughly out of the room.

Sam couldn’t help the smirk on his face. His brother being this flustered was just too fun to watch. This was far from over.

#3 @jhoomwrites - Submission: 2

Skip

(slight order switcheroo due to mod blue-reveries making a boo-boo)

#1 @zolaliz - Submission: 3

“What should I wear?” “You’re not coming.” “How about this?” Sam held up a feathered hat. “You’re not coming.” “Ooh, this looks fun. But is it nerdy enough..?” Dean ripped the plaid men’s tights from Sam’s hands, and looked Sam dead in the eye. “You. Are not. Coming.” “I can’t believe you have an entire room filled with this stuff!” Sam sidestepped his brother, snagging a Viking helmet off the dresser. “Cas! Whatta you think?” Dean flung an index finger out in Cas’ direction. “He’s not coming either-” his voice dropped as he commanded, “no one’s coming!” “Oh but we are,” Sam grinned, slapping the helmet down onto Cas’ head and sweeping up a bronze dagger. The helmet sat low in front of Cas’ eyes and for a moment he stood dazed, mouth tight in a confused frown. Dean tipped it back up as he passed him. Dean hit his knee against a old fashioned treasure chest, and cussed it out under his breath. The room was filled with all sorts of equipment and armor from different eras, tucked away in the back of the bunker. He finally lifted his eyes to Sam, bitter humiliation meeting fiendish amusement. “You…” he barked, but his voice quickly softened in defeat, “son of a bitch.” Sam pushed down his smile in vain, giving the dagger a swirl. “Aye aye, matey.” Dean cringed, and snatched the blade from Sam’s hands. “That’s an Egyptian dagger, Sam,” Cas piped up from behind him. “Not a European pirate’s.” Dean seemed to wave the comment off, before reluctantly turning to the angel. “Cas… grab my armor, will ya?” Cas raised his eyebrows. “Shut up,” was Dean’s gruff, automatic response, and Cas disappeared. He was only gone a moment, before he returned, hands full with Dean’s costume. Sam looked taken aback. “Well. That’s certainly…” he swallowed as he searched for the word, “authentic.”

#4 @blue-reveries - Submission: 2

Dean was not happy.

He slammed the trunk of the Impala shut, mentally apologizing to his girl for the undeserved treatment. She wasn’t the reason he was pissed.

That award went solely on a certain gangly moose’s shoulders.

Stupid Sam, sticking his nose into things that don’t concern him, he thought petulantly as he saw Cas and Sam walking towards him in the garage. Maybe he was being childish but Dean liked to think that he was allowed to be mad that his brother and best friend were going to be going with him to his super secret LARPing weekend with Charlie.

Ever since that awkward conversation in his room, Sam had been like a dog with a friggin’ bone.

“Oh, what should I wear,” Dean said, face screwed up as he mimicked Sam.

And the most annoying part was, Sam knew exactly what he was doing. Somehow Sam had found out about his plans this weekend and was taking every opportunity to tease him about it. No matter how many times Dean tried to play it off, Sam kept coming back at him. He wasn’t sure how his brother had found out; okay, maybe he could have been more discreet with his requests to Cas for supplies but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Sam was being a total ass and he’d managed to get Cas on his side.

Traitor.

“Are we ready to go, Dean,” Cas asked. “I’m looking forward to observing this ‘LARPing’ event though I highly suspect it will not be historically accurate.”

Sighing and realizing that there was no way he was going to get these two to stay behind now, Dean nodded and got into the car. “Yeah, now let’s get moving. I want to beat the traffic.”

Thankfully, Sam decided to keep his mouth shut on the way to the fairgrounds. There was a distinct air of brotherly smugness emanating from the passenger seat the whole drive there but he didn’t actually say anything besides suggesting that they stop for lunch around noon. The good thing was they made good time and soon they were pulling into the crowded parking lot. It didn’t take them long to unload the bags containing their gear and, at Sam’s knowing smirking, Dean begrudgingly took the lead in showing them through the camp even knowing that he was only giving Sam more fuel for the fire.

He should’ve brought some Nair with him.

It wasn’t until they were almost to the ornate tent decorated with the familiar crest of the Kingdom of Moons that he realized he’d totally forgotten one fact. Charlie was so going to be pissed that he was a day late to the battle. He was so freaking screwed. Taking a deep breath and bracing for the verbal chewing out he was due for, Dean led Sam and Cas to Charlie’s tent.

Dean guessed it was time to face the music.

#2 @deadlyangelkay - Submission: 3

Castiel followed the Winchester brothers in awe. He had seen this very park many times, in fact one of his and Dean’s more profound conversations in the very beginning of their friendship over to the right. But to see it now, now that the LARPing community had taken over, it was a thing of wonder.

A small smile finds it’s way to Castiel’s face as once again, the cleverness of humanity, of his father’s own creation, was able to transform the simple park to something that looked as if it had belonged in an episode of Game of Thrones.

“Will the Mother of Dragons be here as well?” Castiel finds himself asking. Dean doesn’t answer, his shoulders tense up as he walks faster towards one of the larger tents. Sam’s of no assistance either as he laughs and shakes his head, taunting his older brother.

Castiel doesn’t quiet understand why Dean is so upset. To be able to create the wonder such as this, Dean should be happy to enjoy it. The colors of the tents, rich maroons, golds and jades, give the feeling of majestic wonder. The men and women, dressed in period clothing, some with weapons, some without, chatter happily with each other. Even the smell of the food is getting to Castiel, making him wish more than ever that food and drink tasted more than molecules too him as he sees a pig – a full pig! - slowly roasting on a spit.

“Dean!” Cas calls out. “The have a full boar roasting!” he points to the spit where the Winchester brothers turn and smile fondly at the angel.

“Yeah, Cas.” Sam agrees.

“Come on, Cas. We don’t want to leave the Queen waiting.” Dean says, motioning for Cas to keep up.

# 3 dropped

#4 @blue-reveries - Submission 3

Ah, now Sam can see why Dean has been acting like there’s a stick up his ass ever since they made it to the campground.

“---seriously Dean. You were supposed to be here yesterday, I’ve got that dude from Yesteryear on my ass and you promised you’d be here to help me out---”

Yeah, Charlie did not seem pleased.

Sure Sam had known from her phone call that Charlie was going to probably be a bit peeved at Dean but at some point he must have forgotten how seriously she took her position as Queen of Moondor. Dean, despite the evidence to the contrary on their way to the event, seemed unaffected by Charlie’s tirade besides looking slightly uncomfortable but Sam still felt a slight tinge of guilt at having held Dean up with all his purposefully annoying questions back at the bunker.

“Well, I guess I should just be happy you showed up,” Charlie sighed, flopping down in her throne ungracefully. “I’m honestly surprised a hunt didn’t pop up again so that you’d have to miss the whole weekend to chase down a chupacabra or a werewolf or something.”

“Actually, the moon isn’t in the correct lunar stage for a werewolf to turn,” Cas piped up. They looked over to see him poking at Charlie’s crown, peering intensely at the decorations.

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head but let Cas’ comment go. “I told you I was sorry I missed the last one, Charlie. I definitely would have rather been here than shooting up ghosts with rock salt.”

Standing back up, Charlie walked over and gave Dean a hug. “Yeah, I know; it’s just been a super stressful weekend and it’s barely started. These assholes are really trying to rain on my parade and you know how much I love my parade, Dean.”

Chuckling, Dean gave her a squeeze before they parted. “Believe me, I get it. But now that we’re here those dicks are going to really get it.”

Nodding, Charlie turned to look over at Sam and Cas. She smirked and gave them a speculative look. Sam wondered just what she was thinking and hoped that whatever evil plan she was hatching had to do with the Yesteryear guy or whoever was trying to take her down as Queen.

“I guess we can call it even,” she said to Dean before nodding at Cas and him. “I mean, you did bring me two strapping additions to my Queen’s guard.”

Sam and Cas both looked at her with keen interest while Dean made a sound of protest.

“Now wait a minute, you made me be your handmaiden since I was ‘still new’ for ages before I got promoted to knight but Sam and Cas just get to be knights right off the bat,” Dean grumbled, looking more than put out at this suggestion. Sam tried to resist the brotherly urge to preen while Cas just seemed content to sit back and watch the proceedings.

“Oh, you know I only called you handmaiden to mess with you, you’ve always been a knight,” Charlie said, waving away his protest. Dean scowled and proceeded to pout without looking to obvious about it and Sam fought the instinct to tease. Charlie nodded at towards him and Cas again. “I think a trio of bulky men-types such as yourselves is exactly what we need right now. Can you imagine that weenie from the orcs’ side’s face when he come for negotiations and sees you guys backing me up. He’ll be shaking in his boots.”

The evil smirk on Charlie’s face made Sam make a mental note never to underestimate her again.

“Let’s get you boys geared up. We’ve got a meeting with the enemy to get to.”

#round three #masterpost #round three: masterpost #gen fic round

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jealously-is-a-curse · 8 years ago

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Hello there! You should answer all 100 TMI asks ☺

100 NSFW TMI Questions: 1. Are you a virgin? No 2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yeah everyone knows i have small titties. 3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? No 4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? 5. Do you swear under celibacy? Nah fam 6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? I lost it when I was 17, so in year 12. 7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope cause im not stupid 8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?: no thank god, and i hope i never do!! 9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? nah 10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? no where really, for me still it the kitchen table like ppl eat of this and i did that on there damn. 11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? outdoor sex, im over car sex. 12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 18 years old 13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yeah lol every guy my age 14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too): nah 15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too):dunno 16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?:ahah nah 17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate): clitoral 18. What is your bra/penis size?: small size bra 19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?:yeah i always walk around naked infront of my mum lmao 20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?:nothing 21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?: i like both, depending on the chemistry between me and the guy. 22. When was the last time you masturbated?: couple weeks ago 23. When was the last time you had sex?: 3 weeks ago 24. When was the last time you watched porn?: does tumblr porn count? if so everyday lol 25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?: first sex toy i brough was a mini bullet, its my fave. 26. Guys: Circumsized? yeah but really isnt an issue for me. 27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?: my neck 28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?: obvi my clit 29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?: no i actually dislike my breast/nipples being touched 30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?: right now i have pink ones with green leaves on them. 31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?: yeah, whatelse is snapchat for? :))) 32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website?Did it include sexual actions? No, no no. 33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? Nope 34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?:nope 35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?: literally couple nights ago. 36. Which wet dream was your favorite?: I dont think i have any faves cause i dont rememeber them all haha 37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?: maybe, but im scared it would wreck the friendship. 38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Oh too many to name. 39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah 40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?: Ive had the opportunity to but i have bad skin conditions so i avoid it haha 41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?: id say reverse cow girl 42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?: yes 43. Are you into any BDSM?: havent really tried it out but would love too. 44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?: hmm this answer is the same as question 37 45. Turn on's?: guys who eat pussy 46. Turn off's?: guys who dont eat pussy 47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?: nah 48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?: yeah, i mean who hasnt. 49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?: not to sure 50. Do you like dirty talk?: yeah I do, but i hate returning it back haha 51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?: quite as i live at home and all the bedrooms are close. 52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?: nope 53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?: guy was eating me out nek min he got a blood nose during it haha so awks 54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?: hilarious sex story is guys who last 5 mins 55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?: tumblr porn 56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome): oh in year 12 the boys made me watch black guy with asian girl LOL 57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?: tumblr porn 58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?: oh tv shows about girls who go into the porn industry aged 18 and cry over it haha 59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older?Younger? How much younger?: yes yes my year 7 high school teacher, who is probs in his early 30s now, now probs 8 or so years older 60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?: i dont have a fave one, id like to explore new ones 61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex?: no but i stop seeing guys right away if i dont like the sex with them. 62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?: no, im only 21 dont need too haha 63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?: nah wouldnt do it for a tumblr follower 64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them?: haha nah i keep that to myself. 65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?: yes 66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?nah 67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?: yup 68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?: only couple years ago 69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way): yeah i can only achieve orgasm with playing with my clit or sometimes getting eaten out. 70. Favorite type of oral?: sucking dick? 71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried?: none yet 72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?: no 73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal?: vaginal 74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?: clitoral 75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?: both 76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?: no 77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them?no 78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?yeah and nah dont even remember his name 79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?: yes i have and no because feelings get involved. 80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?: yeah all the time i dont have a boyf 81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?: n/a 82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's?: no and i hope it dont! 83. Birth control or condoms?: both 84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?: yes 85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?: haha yeah my bestfriend knows 86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?: yeah 87. Do you have any STDs?: no and dont plan on getting any 88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?: no 89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"?: i dont even know what that means x 90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?: swallow, i dont like giving head but i do it anyways hahah 91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?: no but yeah i reject sex sometimes 92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? haha yeah 93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?: no, only kissed a few girls, tho i would like to some day try it out. 94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?no not at all. was scary lol 95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? no 96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?: yeah my bestfriend, few of my friends and my mum aahah 97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?: i wish i had a lover 98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? n/a 99. Do you like masturbation?: yes 100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? : no sorry xxx

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ojamayellow · 8 years ago

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All the even numbers for GX Rivalshipping ??

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?Chazz TRIES to be the big spoon, but always ends up the little spoon. He loves it though.

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?Jaden wakes up Chazz with kisses, who returns with groans or hisses or “LEAVE ME ALONE.”

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? In certain cases, both? Especially if it’s post-canon, of course they would both have deep thoughts, they’re both complicated in their own way.

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?I think they’d both wear jammies, but Jaden occasionally wears No Shirt with Boxers. Chazz would rather wear long pj’s.

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?Jaden likes sour things whereas Chazz likes sweet things.

12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?CHAZZ TALL. Even after growing, in post-canon, they’d be very similar heights, but Chazz is still taller than Jaden.14. Who kills the spiders?JADEN. Then he feels bad for the spiders. Put a spider close to Chazz and he will run away. Never visit the room again. Burn it down.

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?Neither. Jaden finds them fun excuses for DVD marathons under a blanket. Chazz doesn’t mind them because he is the Thunder.18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?Jaden-Dog person. Chazz-Cat person.

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive? id rather not.22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?Surprisingly? Chazz. He needs to remind Jaden that he is The Chazz’s boyfriend, after all.24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener? Again, I see Jaden and Chazz taking both these roles, depending on circumstances. 26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?Jaden loves all food, but eats junk food a lot. Even in post-canon. Chazz likes junk food too, but he knows he should eat properly...while ignoring that vegetables exist.28. Who is the book worm?I wouldn’t say either are bookworms, really. 30. Who likes long walks on the beach?Jaden! Chazz gets annoyed because every time he’s dragged to the beach, he gets sand in his face. It’s too windy. But of course, Chazz does enjoy them. He secretly finds them romantic.32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?Neither don’t LIKE to have deep convos, but they will if they need to. And they’ll feel better if they do.34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?“IF LOST, RETURN TO CHAZZ.”“I AM CHAZZ.”36. Who is the social media addict?Chazz. Instagram. Snapchat. Facebook. Taking selfies, making updates.Especially post-canon, a Pro Duelist needs to be popular. ;) Plus, he likes to showoff.38. Who likes to star gaze?Oh Chazz, definitely. So does Jaden though.40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?Jaden is like “Yeah, we should get our kid all this junk food and 3 video game consoles and her own TV and-”Chazz, “SHE’S TWO YEARS OLD.”42. Who is the neat freak?I would say Chazz? But I also see him having a room that’s semi-messy? Like not too messy but not entirely tidy.44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?Both are pretty active to me? Jaden has his lazy moments, but he loves to play. Chazz is always out and about, but rarely touches physical sport. He doesn’t have the body for it.46. Who has the longer food order?Jaden. Hands down.48. Who loses stuff?Jaden, once again.50. Who is the hopeless romantic?This is hard to think about? Especially with my interpretations of how Jaden and Chazz see love....Like, hopeless romantic is a big word. I’m having trouble fitting it onto Chazz or Jaden.

Thanks for asking!

#germanottaisgodxo #gxrivalshipping #ygo gx #kit.txt #answer

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cvrnewsdirectindia · 6 years ago

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Digital privacy at stake? 10 Tips to avoid leaving tracks around internet

Google and Facebook collect information about us and then sell that data to advertisers. Websites deposit invisible “cookies” onto our computers and then record where we go online. Even our own government has been known to track us.

When it comes to digital privacy, it’s easy to feel hopeless. We’re mere mortals! We’re minuscule molecules in their machines! What power do we possibly have to fight back?

That was the question I posed to you, dear readers, in the previous “Crowdwise.”

Many of you responded with valuable but frequently repeated suggestions: Use a program that memorizes your passwords, and make every password different. Install an ad blocker in your web browser, like uBlock Origin. Read up on the latest internet scams. If you must use Facebook, visit its Privacy Settings page and limit its freedom to target ads to you.

What I sought, though, was non-obvious ideas.

It turns out that “digital privacy” means different things to different people.

“Everyone has different concerns,” wrote Jamie Winterton, a cybersecurity researcher at Arizona State University. “Are you worried about private messaging? Government surveillance? Third-party trackers on the web?” Addressing each of these concerns, she noted, requires different tools and techniques.

Duck Google

“The number one thing that people can do is to stop using Google,” wrote privacy consultant Bob Gellman. “If you use Gmail and use Google to search the web, Google know more about you than any other institution. And that goes double if you use other Google services like Google Maps, Waze, Google Docs, etc.”

Like many other readers, he recommended DuckDuckGo, a rival web search engine. Its search results often aren’t as useful as Google’s, but it’s advertised not to track you or your searches.

And if you don’t use Gmail for email, what should you use? “I am a huge advocate for paying for your email account,” wrote Russian journalist Yuri Litvinenko. “It’s not about turning off ads, but giving your email providers as little incentive to peek into your inbox as possible.” ProtonMail, for example, costs $4 a month and offers a host of privacy features, including anonymous sign-up and end-to-end encryption.

Jam Google

The ads you see online are based on the sites, searches, or and Facebook posts that get your interest. Some rebels therefore throw a wrench into the machinery — by demonstrating phony interests.

“Every once in a while, I Google something completely nutty just to mess with their algorithm,” wrote Shaun Breidbart. “You’d be surprised what sort of coupons CVS prints for me on the bottom of my receipt. They are clearly confused about both my age and my gender.”

It’s “akin to radio jamming,” noted Frank Paiano. “It does make for some interesting browsing, as ads for items we searched for follow us around like puppy dogs (including on The New York Times, by the way.)”

Barry Joseph uses a similar tactic when registering for an account on a new website. “I often switch my gender (I am a cisgender male), which delivers ads less relevant to me — although I must admit, the bra advertising can be distracting.”

He notes that there are side effects. “My friends occasionally get gendered notifications about me, such as ‘Wish her a happy birthday.’” But even that is a plus, leading to “interesting conversations about gender norms and expectations (so killing two birds with one digital stone here).”

Avoid unnecessary web tracking

It’s perfectly legitimate, by the way, to enjoy seeing ads that align with your interests. You could argue that they’re actually more useful than irrelevant ones.

But millions of others are creeped out by the tracking that produces those targeted ads.

If you’re in that category, Ms. Winterton recommended Ghostery, a free plug-in for most web browsers that “blocks the trackers and lists them by category,” she wrote. “Some sites have an amazing number of trackers whose only purpose is to record your behavior (sometimes across multiple sites) and pitch better advertisements.”

Careful on public Wi-Fi

Most public Wi-Fi networks — in hotels, airports, coffee shops, and so on — are eavesdroppable, even if they require a password to connect. Nearby patrons, using their phones or laptops, can easily see everything you’re sending or receiving — email and website contents, for example — using free “sniffer” programs.

You don’t have to worry about Social, WhatsApp and Apple’s iMessages, all of which encrypt your messages before they even leave your phone or laptop. Using websites whose addresses begin with https are also safe; they, too, encrypt their data before it’s sent to your browser (and vice versa).

(Caution: Even if the site’s address begins with https, the bad guys can still see which sites you visit — say, https://www.NoseHairBraiding.com. They just can’t see what you do there once you’re connected.)

The solution, as recommended by Lauren Taubman and others: a Virtual Private Network program. These phone and computer apps encrypt everything you send or receive — and, as a bonus, mask your location. Wirecutter’s favorite VPN, TunnelBear, is available for Windows, Mac, Android and iOS. It’s free for up to 500 megabytes a month, or $60 a year for up to five devices.

Use Apple

“I don’t like Apple’s phones, their operating systems, or their looks,” wrote Aaron Soice, “but the one thing Apple gets right is valuing your data security. Purely in terms of data, Apple serves you; Google serves you to the sharks.”

Apple’s privacy website reveals many examples: You don’t sign into Apple Maps or Safari (Apple’s web browser), so your searches and trips aren’t linked to you. Safari’s “don’t track me” features are turned on as the factory setting. When you buy something with Apple Pay, Apple receives no information about the item, the store, or the price.

Apple can afford to tout these features, explained software developer Joel Potischman, because it’s a hardware company. “Its business model depends on us giving them our money. Google and Facebook make their money by selling our info to other people.”

Don’t “Sign in with Facebook”

Mr. Potischman never registers with a new website using the “Sign in with Facebook” or “Sign in with Google” shortcut buttons. “They allow those companies to track you on other sites,” he wrote. Instead, he registers the long way, with an email address and password.

(And here’s Apple again: The “Sign in with Apple” button, new and not yet incorporated by many websites, is designed to offer the same one-click convenience — but with a promise not to track or profile you.)

Identity theft, from a pro

My call for submissions drew some tips from a surprising respondent: Frank Abagnale, the former teenage con artist who was the subject of the 2002 movie “Catch Me if You Can.”

After his prison time, he went began working for the F.B.I., giving talks on scam protection, and writing books. He’s donating all earnings from his latest book, “Scam Me If You Can,” to the AARP, in support of its efforts to educate older Americans about internet rip-offs.

His advice: “You never want to tell Facebook where you were born and your date of birth. That’s 98 percent of someone stealing your identity! And don’t use a straight-on photo of yourself — like a passport photo, driver’s license, graduation photo — that someone can use on a fake ID.”

Mr. Abagnale also notes that you should avoid sharing your personal data offline, too. “We give a lot of information away, not just on social media, but places we go where people automatically ask us all of these questions. ‘What magazines do you read?’ ‘What’s your job?’ ‘Do you earn between this and that amount of money?’”

Why answer if you don’t have to?

The lightning round

A few more suggestions:

“Create a different email address for every service you use,” wrote Matt McHenry. “Then you can tell which one has shared your info, and create filters to silence them if necessary.”

“Apps like Privacy and Token Virtual generate a disposable credit-card number with each purchase — so in case of a breach, your actual card isn’t compromised,” suggested Juan Garrido. (Bill Barnes agreed, pointing out the similar Shopsafe service offered by from Bank of America’s Visa cards. “The number is dollar and time limited.”)

“Your advertisers won’t like to see this, so perhaps you won’t print it,” predicted Betsy Peto, “but I avoid using apps on my cellphone as much as possible. Instead, I go to the associated website in my phone’s browser: for example, www.dailybeast.com. My data is still tracked there, but not as much as it would be by the app.”

There is some good news: Tech companies are beginning to feel some pressure.

In 2017, the European Union passed the General Data Protection Regulation (G.D.P.R.), which requires companies to explain what data they’re collecting — and to offer the option to edit or delete it. China, India, Japan, Brazil, South Korea and Thailand have passed, or are considering, similar laws, and California’s Consumer Privacy Act takes effect on January 1.

In the meantime, enjoy these suggestions, as well as this bonus tip from privacy researcher Jamie Winterton:

“Oh yeah — and don’t use Facebook.”

For the next “Crowdwise”: We all know that it’s unclassy and cruel to break up with a romantic partner in a text message — or, worse, a tweet. (Well, we used to know that.) Yet requesting an unusual meeting at a sidewalk cafe might strike your partner as distressingly ominous.

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from CVR News Direct https://cvrnewsdirect.com/digital-privacy-at-stake-10-tips-to-avoid-leaving-tracks-around-internet/

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