#(of which I'm sure there are many. I am not an archer.)

[zylphiacrowley]

🎯

[hard-core-super-star]

make you mine this season [K.Bishop]

pairing: kate bishop x barton!reader

summary: a badly timed snowstorm leaves you unable to make it to the barton farm for christmas. thankfully, a certain archer shows up to keep you company.

warnings: none, i think? just really cheesy, holiday rom-com type of fluff [i say this as if i've watched any holiday rom-com besides happiest season and the holiday 😶]; kate's a dork [wow, what a shock]; idiots in love; past mentions of bishova; bad jokes?; snowstorm; cheesy gifts bc kate can't talk about her feelings

wordcount: 1.5k

a/n: HI, EVERYONE, I'M ALIVE! and it wouldn't be a rubix fic if it WASN'T posted a little late 😅 i hope you all had a fantastic holiday season and that you'll accept this very cheesy Christmas fic <3 [and maybe that last line is very self-indulgent but that's none of your business, if you know you know]

* * * * * * *

You’re no stranger to loneliness but things were bordering on ridiculous. Not only have you spent the past two years ridiculously in love with a certain purple-loving archer, you’re also on the verge of spending Christmas by yourself thanks to the worst-timed snowstorm of all time.

And maybe the first part of your unfortunate situation is your fault but that doesn’t stop the waves of disappointment from crashing into you.

This year was supposed to be different. 

That’s what you had told yourself in an effort to convince yourself to tell the young archer about your feelings for her. It was a strategy that almost worked…until a certain blonde decided to accept Kate’s offer for drinks…which turned into a date…which turned into a second date…which turned into the longest four months of your life.

You could never be one to be mad at someone else’s happiness but that didn’t stop you from feeling absolutely defeated every time you saw them together. There was no one to blame except you for the brunette’s lack of knowledge about your feelings and that only made everything worse.

It was impossible to ignore the ache in your chest when your eyes met Kate’s or the heavy jealousy that clouded most of your interactions with her. Maybe if you had been less into your head about the whole thing, you would have realized the way the archer’s smile never seemed to reach her eyes. 

Eyes that followed you every time you walked away.

You never noticed the traces of darkness that clung to her usually radiant persona but you were the first person at her side when the break up happened. She offered little to no details besides an awkward joke about the relationship ending almost exactly where it started right at the Rockefeller tree.

It was messed up in a way that made Kate want to make as many jokes about it as possible which resulted in you laughing at things that definitely weren’t funny and were just sad. Not as sad as spending the holidays completely alone and hopelessly in love with your best friend, though.

You were sure the archer was already well on her way to your dad’s farm which leaves you completely unprepared when the door to your apartment swings open to reveal her. She almost drops the key in her hand the second she realizes you’re home.

“What’re you doing here?” You question, doing your best to pretend you don’t see the gift bags she tries to hide behind her back.

You can practically see the wheels turning in her head before she’s finally able to respond. “What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at Clint’s?”

It’s hard not to laugh at the incredulous look on her face. No matter how many times you see it, it’s still as endearing as the first time. Back when she was just your dad’s protege and you hadn’t spent so many of your days learning the ins and outs of her complicated personality.

“Did the incoming snowstorm happen to slip your mind?”

“No, I just thought you’d want to go anyway,” she replies with a small shrug. 

“I’d rather not crash, Lila will never let me hear the end of it.”

Your words make her tilt her head to the side, the slightest hint of a pout on her face. “So…what, you’re just going to spend Christmas alone?”

“Yup. Kate, I’m not a kid anymore, nothing will happen if I spend one day by myself.”

“But it’s Christmas!” She exclaims, looking borderline offended that you’re so comfortable spending the holiday alone. 

“Is that why you’re breaking into my apartment?” You ask in a foolish attempt to stop yourself from asking her to spend the day with you. 

Just because she thought about you long enough to come drop off her, no doubt ridiculously expensive, gifts for you does not mean she wants to spend the holiday with you when she could easily spend it with anyone else.

The pink hue that overtakes her cheeks is a better gift than anything that could be inside the bags in her hand. “Well, uh…maybe…”  

She finally gathers enough courage to get rid of the distance between you with a bright, albeit nervous, smile on her face. You half-expect her to launch into some long ramble about why she just couldn’t stop herself from buying an insane amount of gifts for you this year but she doesn’t. 

For once in her life, Kate Bishop makes things easy for herself.

“I didn’t think I was going to make it to the farm on time so I was just going to drop these off for you…” She holds out the bag for you and you do your best to calm the rapid beating of your heart as you take it.

“Can I open it right now or will you get embarrassed?” 

“Both,” she replies through a chuckle. “I would leave but I don’t want you to be lonely.”

“Right, because I’m the one who gets lonely.”

“Shut up.”

It’s both a blessing and a curse to have broken through the archer’s defenses and right now, her cute reactions are beginning to feel like a curse. Although, that might just be your unrequited feelings talking.

A slightly awkward silence settles over both of you while you rifle through the overwhelming amount of purple tissue paper until you find your gift. You’re expecting another expensive necklace, maybe a bracelet this time, but what you’re met with is the most thoughtful gift you’ve ever received…and probably the most thoughtful gift Kate has ever given.

What you end up pulling out of the bag is a leather journal with a beautiful engraving of yours and Kate’s initials. “Kate…is this-”

“Yeah, I, um…I couldn’t find a photo album that I liked so I sort of…made my own.”

You can’t stop yourself from flipping through the first couple of pages, caught somewhere between the euphoria of being given something so beautiful and the disappointment that comes with knowing it all only serves to fuel your love for the archer. 

Love you can’t express the way you want to.

Love that’s hidden between the pages of the journal you hold in your hands. 

You don’t notice and Kate isn’t really in a hurry to watch you read the series of rambles that make up her overdue confession so she lets the moment fade like she always has. It’s not like you can blame her for wanting to move on to something else, her lack of focus isn’t necessarily a secret, and you let yourself get carried away by her jokes and her stubborn need to make mac and cheese for you.

The archer manages to cook without setting your kitchen on fire and the two of you settle on your couch to watch the first cheesy Christmas movie you find. In all honesty…the movie is awful but the corny jokes make Kate laugh so you can’t find it in yourself to be too grumpy about the shitty writing.

Until the scene in front of you reminds you of the archer and her ex. You’re unable to hold back the jealousy-tinted snarkiness said reminder brings out of you. “I think Yelena watched this movie and then decided to be a dick just like the main character.”

Kate instantly turns toward you, staring at you with wide eyes that barely hide her amusement. “What?”

“What?” You feign confusion to avoid having to repeat yourself.

“You know what,” she replies with an eyeroll. “If I’m the one who got broken up with, why are you the one that’s still upset?”

“Because- wait, why are you not upset?”

Your uno-reverse of a response leaves Kate speechless for a few seconds and you prepare yourself for the series of jokes that will no doubt leave her mouth next. 

But Kate’s never been predictable.

“Because…she didn’t break my heart. She didn’t even own it in the first place.”

Her words spark the low flames of hope hidden in the depths of your heart. It feels impossible and if you were a believer, you might even say Santa’s on your side, helping to give you the one thing you’ve wished for more nights than you can count.

And yet you hesitate.

“What are you trying to say?” You ask, your voice so soft it borders on cautious.

“That I’m an idiot,” she replies with that same bright smile that made you fall for her so long ago. “And…I’d really like to kiss you.”

The world seems to slow down to a complete stop at that moment. 

You almost don’t even know what to do with yourself. Thankfully, you manage to kick yourself into action before the moment passes.

Kate’s awkwardness seems to disappear into thin air as she leans in toward you, meeting you halfway for the softest, sweetest, kiss you’ve ever had. And maybe nothing about it is perfect but it’s you and her and that’s all that matters for now.

[yourhighness6]

I'm announcing to anyone who cares that I'm going to be watching SPOP for the first time since I was about ten, but before I do, here is everything I recall about the characters:

There's a girl with a sword who turns into a butch lesbian whose name I can't remember. I think she is the main character but that might be Glitter

Butch lesbian girl has an evil girlfriend who is apparently a hot furry. I can confirm. A large number of people insist she is toxic, but I am saving my judgement until I watch the show again. She also apparently runs an evil empire of some sort.

There is another girl called Glitter who is also a lesbian I think?? This is unclear, as I have seen her shipped with both the hot furry and the butch girl, but also with an archer himbo dude. She may be bisexual. I am not entirely sure how she fits into the story, but I do know she has mommy issues.

Archer himbo dude is a prince I think?? This is also unclear, but I have gathered that he is best boy and the only good man in the universe, which is very cool.

There is someone named Seahawk who likes to sing, and he has a mermaid gf named (very creatively) Mermista, who is apparently the SPOP version of Mai.

Evil empire furry also apparently has parents of some sort who are very toxic? I gather that one is a witchy sort of person and the other looks like a chaotic version of the terminator. Hot furry also has a stepmother who is very cute and autistic and has giant pigtails and is very smart. I don't know exactly how they fit into the story either, but pigtail stepmom seems like the MVP.

There is also a princess of some sort who acts like Toph. I believe her name is Frosta and she is basically the short version of Elsa but a lot more violent. I am not entirely sure why she is a princess? Is she archer himbo dude's brother? (I have so many questions)

There is an annoying unicorn with very pretty hair

That's all I know but I'm excited to learn more!

[gallusrostromegalus]

So, how exactly was the Gotei 13 formed in AEIWAM?

(The original gotei-13 captains might have canon genders but I'm going off vibes tbh.) (Here's a collection of Kubo's art of the original 13 so you can see what everyone looks like)

-----

It had started with the Clans.

Actually, it had started when Shigekuni Yamamoto was mugged for the fourth time in as many days, by agents of The Great Noble Houses, trying to influence the tide of their endless petty wars. You could hardly blame him for reacting as he did, somewhat literally blowing up with rage, and upon his return to his home office, rallying his fellow distraught men into a fighting force to stand up to the clans.

It had been quite a popular manuver for him, with the equally distraught and downtrodden citizens of the central rukongai threw their support behind him in short order. He was already well-known to them, and respected for his work. In a few short years, his meager forces had grown to rival the clans in power.

Then the Quincies had invaded the Spirit World, lead by some horrible creature known as Yhwach, seemingly Hell-Bent on conquest- which is where all of them would end up if The Archery Bastards kept shooting everything that moved and upended the balance between the worlds.

Now-General Shigekuni Yamamoto, the unfortunate bastard to whom the task of defending the largest city in the Spirit world from invasion had fallen, needed some muscle.

Why me, of all people? Surely there were others more qualified? He wondered, staring at the latest round of reports from the meager handful of his men that remained. Or perhaps everyone smart enough to actually do this is also smart enough to realize it was a lost cause and had thrown their lot in with one of the Noble Houses, and I am on a fool's errand.

Even just a handful of warriors with sufficient strength could break the leading edge of the Quincy line, and let the small army that remained slip behind them in to cut the Quincies off from their supply lines. It was just that breaking the wall of archers required at least a dozen of him.

"Word from lieutenant Sasakibe!" Shouted one of his soldiers, sprinting in the door and thrusting a letter at him. "Sorry sir I just remembered how important it was that you heard from him as soon as possible."

"You did as I asked." Yamamoto nodded, opening the letter. He had needed to stay- both to recover from his injuries and because if the Quincy got much closer, using Ryujin jakka to create a wall of fire around the city might be the only way to hold them off- and he had tasked Chojiro Sasakibe, his Longest and Dearest friend, with finding him the strongest warriors in Soul Society.

He took the scroll and opened it, reading the neat but excitably slanted handwriting within-

Dearest Shigekuni,

I am relieved to report I have found a dozen extremely powerful warriors per your request! I went on a hunch a friend of mine had, and found a concentration of MANY powerful warriors that would be willing to aid our cause, but twelve among them are particularly standout candidates. Given the rapid advance of the Quincy Army, I have included a teleportation spell to their location at the end of this scroll so you may meet them immediately.

"Incredible!" Yamamoto laughed. "Is there nothing this man cannot do?"

I do beg of you though- Please, reserve your judgement of them until you have seen their capacity.

"Ah." Yamamoto sighed. "...of course there's a catch."

Their circumstances are... complex, and this has made many of them rough and peculiar to speak to, but I swear we will not find better warriors, at least not before the Quincy advance reaches Seireitei.

I await your arrival, Chojiro

Yamamoto unfurled the scroll a bit more to see the edge of the teleportation spell that would activate when exposed to sunlight. "Sir?" asked the young soldier.

"It seems Sasakibe was successful in finding me the assistance we need, but they are apparently a queer lot." Yamamoto rumbled, thinking. "There is a teleportation spell- How close did you say the Advance was?"

"Not more than a week out, sir."

"Hopefully less than two hours then." he grunted, standing up and carrying the scroll to the courtyard of the building he operated from- it was a place used to the many comings and goings of a large and complex organization, though the little Shrine to the God of Messages and messengers had been somewhat neglected of late. Yamamoto took a moment to sweep the leaves out of the shrine and bowed to the statue within, thanking it for delivering Sasakibe's message and asking for help delivering him to his friend.

"Any orders while you're away, Sir?" The soldier asked.

"Someone clean out that shrine and make it a proper offering. The last thing we need is for communications to go down." The General nodded.

"Yes Sir!" the soldier saluted.

Yamamoto unfurled the scroll and with a flash, vanished from the courtyard.

---

With the same flash, he appeared somewhere... foggy.

"Shigekuni?" a familiarly crisp voice asked somewhere in the ether.

"Chojiro?" Yamamoto called back, and the vague shape that might have been a rock in front of him stood up, arms open. He laughed, and embraced his friend. "Good job! How did you find them so fast?"

Sasakibe's warm smile suddenly stiffened into a grimace. "...Promise you will not be angry?"

"Chojiro?" Yamamoto frowned.

"See, I was asking my friends- only the most trusted of them, I swear- how to even go about finding warriors with everything scattered to the wind of late, and well- One of them suggested that only things that are powerful are widely feared, so look where fearsome things are to find powerful ones."

Yamamoto squinted at his friend, then around them at the dense fog, the strange rocky cliff beside them, and the distant sound of angry voices.

"Chojiro." Yamamoto asked, hands on his shoulders. "Where are we?"

Sasakibe pointed up behind Yamamoto where characters had been carved into the stone cliff.

The Nest Of Maggots

"Chojiro."

"Yes, sir?"

"This is a prison."

"Yes, sir."

"This is a prison for the kind of filth that even the most bitterly factious clans agree is a danger to have wandering around. The kind that they already tried and failed to weaponize against each other. This is a prison for Monsters."

"...Yes, sir." Sasakibe sighed. "-But, is is not monsters we need?"

Yamamoto was silent for a time, thinking of the swathes of pointless destruction- salted fields and burnt villages- of the senseless loss of life- slaughtering soldier and civilian alike down to the last man, woman and child- of the cruel and twisted powers of the chosen favorites of Yhwach.

"Monsters to fight monsters." He shook his head. "What is this world coming to?" Yamamoto sighed.

Sasakibe looked away, unable to meet his friend's gaze. "Still, beggars can't be choosers." Yamamoto nodded. "Show them to me."

--- All twelve "Most Dangerous" of The Nest's prisoners had been herded together into something approximating a straight line in the middle of the rocky cavern that housed the prisoners here, though some of them were already beginning to meander, and one woman near the end of the line had, rather rudely, decided to remain seated in Yamamoto's presence. The lineup was... less than impressive. Two of the women looked like they belonged on pinup posters rather than death row. One of the men looked like a washed-up Sumo, another like an ashtray that had been cursed to roam the afterlife as a human. On one end of the line was an ancient and decrepit old man, and on the other was a- Yamamoto wasn't actually sure if they were a man or a woman, but in another life, they had definitely been a cat.

"These are the most powerful fighters in the Spirit World?"  He muttered to Chojiro.

"These are the most still-alive-est fighters in the Spirit World." Chojiro clarified.

"...Fuck it. " Yamamoto sighed under his breath, before stepping forward and addressing them properly.

"I am General Shigekuni Yamamoto of The Seireitei. I don't know how long you've been in this hole-" Yamamoto paused, sensing that something was off.

None of the Prisoners were looking at him. In fact, the all seemed very dedicated to looking everywhere but at him. Some were inspecting the stalactites, others were examining the grit on the cave floor, or staring into the metaphysical abyss somewhere just over his shoulder, and one man had pulled his very silly straw hat down in front of his face.

"-Alright, what the hell is going on?" Yamamoto growled.

There was a general unenthusiastic sort of shuffling and a distinct lack of answers.

"Remember everyone!" The man next to the cat-in-human-form spoke up while examining his fingernails. He looked more like an accountant than someone who belonged on Death Row, but the others perked up and paid attention. "-We are not to speak to any guards of visitors until our representative arrives and has given us permission to do so." The others nodded and resumed looking anywhere but at Yamamoto.

"...Representative?" Sasakibe lightly growled at a guard, whose complexion went from 'ashen' to 'deathly'.

"They um. Well. They've gotten rather close to one of the other prisoners, but she's no good in a fight, so we left her-" The Guard sputtered under Sasakibe's withering glare.

"-Miss Tsubaki was waiting at the Primary gate last I saw her." continued the man who looked like an accountant and that Yamamoto was becoming increasingly sure was armed, despite allegedly having been searched and denied any tools in his confinement. "...I say to no-one in particular." He added.

There was a moment of silence.

Yamamoto struck the tired-looking, gray-haired young woman beside the accountant, sending her stumbling back, but the accountant and the sturdily-built blonde man beside her stepped in to catch her, the rest of the line snapping to attention, eyes fixed on him with utter rage.

"Now that I have your attention-" Yamamoto started again, the gray-haired woman coughing as the sturdy blonde helped her back to her feet. "-As I was saying, the Spirit World is being invaded, and you're all being conscripted to-"

"Yachiru!" Snapped a young woman behind them.

Yamamoto turned to glare at the interloper, but instead found that the gaunt-looking woman that had remained seated had somehow apparently teleported and tackled Sasakibe to the wall behind them, one arm pressed to his throat, slowly choking him. Apparently-Yachiru's other hand had put some substantial holes in his abdomen and she paused from where she was about to stark licking Sasakibe's blood off her fingers to look at who had spoken.

"Don't eat that! You don't know where it's been!" Said a waifish young woman in threadbare prisoner's robes who could not have been taller than 4'10". She was quite striking, with large, dark eyes, sharp cheekbones, and a long aquiline nose. She took Yachiru's bloodied hand and dragged her back to the group. Yamamoto tried to keep his pace even as he walked over to check on Sasakibe, who immediately sat up and waved him off.

"...Thirsty." Grunted Yachiru- She might also have been beautiful, with her pale, round face and smooth black hair, were it not for the haunted, carnivorous look in her eye and her apparently literal bloodthirst. She stopped halfway back to the group to give a wet, hacking cough that made Yamamoto's skin crawl, and spat out a gob of bloody phlegm on the floor.

"You'll feel better when you get Minazuki back." the young woman reassured her, helping Yachiru sit back down, the others taking seats on the stone floor as well, in two neat lines behind her, the Human Cat behind one shoulder, the Accountant behind the other. "Is everyone else alright?"

"Kinroku definitely did not tell the guards to go get you." announced the man from behind his straw hat. "Also the mean old man hit Chigiri."

"I understand. Do you need assistance, Chigiri?

"The Old Goat has a sucker-punch like a rocket but I'll live." grunted Chigri, rubbing her abdomen and waving her hand interrogatively at Yachiru, who shrugged in reply.

"Despicable Behavior, hitting a medic." the human ashtray sniffed disapprovingly. Yamamoto could feel the Reiatsu of the group now, previously held in check, now starting to unfurl and growl and snarl at him.

"You BASTARDS-!" Yamamoto snarled, lunging towards the young woman, who instinctively made a fist in front of her chest, grabbed it with her other hand, and swung her whole body around, slamming her elbow into his eye socket and nose, and he stumbled, falling to his knees. It wasn't that hard a hit, not compared to what he was used to, but there was genuine killing intent behind it, much like the heel she struck into the side of his head, knocking him over the rest of the way in surprise. Miss Tsubaki's large, dark eyes were full of rage as she glared down at him, grinding his head into the floor under her toes. "Ah." He said, finally recognizing her from images in the intermittent news bulletins. Tsubaki was a middle daughter of one of the most powerful of the Noble Houses who had suddenly vanished from public view the year before. The rumor was that she had been imprisoned by her father for dangerous activities like 'Going Places' and 'Writing Letters' or even 'Having Opinions'. It was apparently true, but if she'd managed to organize the dirtiest dozen of the Maggot's Nest, he was beginning to understand her father's choice of internment. "Miss Tsunayashiro, I presume."

"I am her, and I am here in my capacity as their Union Representative. This means you do not talk to them. You talk to me." She lightly snarled, removing her surprisingly sharp-heeled foot from his temple and sitting seiza in front of the group. "Now what is it that you have brought us here to discuss?"

"Your friends are getting conscripted." he glared, slowly getting up and standing to address her. Returning the blow to a civilan, no matter who her family was or how hard she hit, was beneath either of their dignity, but a little looming was alright.

"We're getting hired." She corrected him. "With proper contracts and compensation."

"Shut up or else." He snarled, reconsidering the value of his dignity.

"...Or else what, exactly?" She asked.

Yamamoto bristled, and slowly drew his sword. Tsunayashiro's gaze flicked to the blade, following it's gleam as he brought it up to her throat, tipping her chin up with the point. "-Or you will all die right here." Tsubaki closed her eyes, sighed deeply and opened them again, gaze fixed on his. He could feel her pulse through Ryujin Jakka's blade.

...Steady as a rock.

"Alright." She spoke evenly. "Strike me down."

Yamamoto blinked.

"We are already on Death Row, General." She explained slowly as though speaking to an idiot. "None of us have families to speak of, or to speak to, for you to threaten. We're already cold and barely allowed to sleep and starving and in constant pain from broken bones or missing organs or untreated injuries. We are all already doomed to die or suffer gross abasement. You, however-"

She slowly stood up, neck sliding a bit on Ryujin Jakka's blade, drawing a trickle of blood.

"-I've been in here for the better part of a year, I believe, but news trickles in. Guards leave to replace soldiers fallen on the battlefield. Rations dwindle as farmland is overrun or destroyed. Political prisoners are freed and returned home as more popular heirs and scions are killed. You, General Shigekuini Yamamoto, need help with this war, and need it badly, to come here for it." Tsubaki continued, stepping forward and pressing a bit more into the blade, the trickle running more strongly, down her throat and into the folds of her thin Yukakta, staining the fabric bright red.

"So go on. Strike us down." She spoke softly. "Spare us the Humiliation of a Public execution or the horrors of a lobotomy, and doom yourself."

Yamamoto, quite possibly for the first time in his life, hesitated.

"If you cannot do that, sit down and negotiate like a civilized person." She said. The blood stained her entire breast now, but she did not flinch or waver.

Slowly, glaring and refusing to break eye contact, he withdrew his blade, wiped it down and sheathed it. Teeth gritted and heart unexpectedly racing, he sat. Lady Tsunayashiro followed, head still held high, though that may have been so Chigiri could lean forward and press a pad of torn robe to her throat, stemming the bleeding as she bandaged it, muttering curses.

"We're being invaded by an army of mutant humans called "Quincy" who can shoot arrows made of pure reishi, which can obliterate a soul entirely. They're lead by some monster called Yhwach, who seems hell-bent on conquering the entirety of the Living and Spirit worlds, and is apparently capable of killing small gods and Kami." Yamamoto explained, trying to stress the depth of the situation. He'd never been in a labor negotiation before, and was hoping they'd be more reasonable if he made an emotional appeal. "Kill enough of the archery bastards and live, and I'll have all your crimes pardoned."

"What a shame, what a shame." clucked the old man at the far end of the lines. "You young people just don't know how to handle things..."

"Hmmm..." The person who was definitely at least spiritually a cat pursed their lips. "Oh, uh- Chika Shihon." the bowed their head. "-It's a good start, but I'm gonna need a hell of a payday, seeing as nobody will hire an ex-criminal, even a pardoned one, and about forty more people need to die before my family will consider taking me back in."

"As well as some form of protection from political reprisals, or there won't be an opportunity to spend any of that payday." said Kinroku the Accountant, rubbing his nose like he was going to push up a pair of glasses he wasn't wearing.

"Paying criminals? Surely, you can't be serious!" Sasakibe scoffed.

"I am serious, and my name is Tsubaki, not Shirley." The representative quietly smirked at him. "Well, General? What price are you willing to offer for the salvation of all of Soul Society?"

"I want to see some proof before we talk price." Yamamoto glared at the Death Row From The Dumpster before him.

"Fair enough." Nodded Tsubaki, turning her head to address the group. "After me, who would you all say is the weakest fighter?"

The group considered this for a moment.

"Strongest is easy, its Yachiru, even with the missing lung." waved the pinup girl with the eyepatch and pigtails.

"Give Uhin some credit!" Protested the other pinup girl with the tits that were individually larger than her head.

"That's sweet of you to say Batsu-" Uhin the Giant in the back row laughed, patting the second girl's head. "-But also holy shit, no. Yachiru could disembowel me and strangle me with my own intestines before I could get off the mark! No offense little man, but I think it's Furuoki." He said, patting the straw hat of the man in front of him.

"Really?" Tits McGee pondered. "I was going to say Nobutsuna."

"I was gonna say me too." announced the human ashtray with a rough and reedy voice. "I hate fighting." "Yeah, but you hit like a fuckin' rockslide. Yeah, it's Furuoki." Agreed eyepatch.

"Mr. Otogawa-" Tsubaki addressed Furuoki the hat man. "-It's rather dark in here, would you please let in some light?"

Furuoki blinked at her, confused.

"Show the old man you can punch a hole in the ceiling." Yachiru translated for him, wetly.

"Okay!" Furuoki chirped happily, getting up and walking a few feet away.

"MORE!" yelled the group.

"Over by the guard tower!" Encouraged the large and rather jolly looking man, save for how he seemed to have lost both his lips and most of the front of his mouth, but had only bothered to replace his missing teeth with gold ones, giving him a permanent lipless grin.

Furuoki walked over towards the guard tower until the guards approached him and told him to back up, paced a bit until he found a suitable middle ground, and squinted up at the ceiling.

"Sir-" Sighed the head guard walking towards Furuoki as frowned at the ceiling. "Sir that's half a mile of solid rock and twelve different magical wards above you. It's not gonna work."

Furuoki instead dropped down on one knee, aimed, and-

A dazzling blue-green light and a noise like the roaring fires of Hell Itself erupted from his fist as he punched up towards the ceiling, vaporizing the stone above him and making all 12 wards chime and tinkle like glass as he broke through them. As the mushroom cloud of dust dispersed, sunlight began to filter in through the hole, at least 100 feet in diameter. The top third of the Guard tower seemed to have evaporated as well, and the guards were scrambling to try to control the panic.

"Is that enough?" Furuoki called.

"...Is it, General?" miss Tsubaki asked.

"...Ten Thousand Kan?" Yamamoto tried.

"That's fine dear, please come sit back down." Tsubaki waved.

"I am surprised, general." She smiled at Yamamoto in a way that reminded him uncomfortably of they way the post office cat would smile at the mice. "Ten Thousand Kan annually per individual is a very reasonable offer."

"A one-time payment of Ten thousand Kan to be split between the group." he growled.

"No." She shook he head. "You're offering us annual salaries, individually."

"The hell I am."

"Then we will enjoy watching the collapse of civilization through the new Skylight Furuoki made us." She replied, unconcerned. "You may have noticed, General, that there is a war on, and this is an exceptionally safe and secure place to be. Make it worth leaving."

"-Two minutes ago this was a frozen hellhole you were all starving in." he glared.

"Ah, but the view and property value has improved substantially in the last two minutes!" She smiled, unconcerned with his complaints. "There is no punishment you could mete out that is worse than remaining here, General, but you are not an advancing army of superhuman mutants, and there are MANY things the Quincy can do to us that are worse than remaining here. You are in a most unenviable position."

Yamamoto grimaced. "You're sure this is the best there is?" he muttered to Sasakibe.

"We could also try swearing loyalty to one noble house and hoping the other four don't try to kill us before the Quincy do." Sasakibe grunted, hand over the puncture wounds in his guts. "I don't like it either. but I like our other options even less."

Yamamoto sighed. "...Five thousand Kan Annually per individual."

"Ten thousand." replied Tsubaki.

"Seven thousand."

"Ten thousand."

"That's not how this is supposed to go." Yamamoto grumbled.

"And yet, this is how it's going." She smirked. "There is also the matter of the political protections!"

"DAMMIT!"

---

Half an hour later, terms had been reached.

Full pardons, Ten Thousand Kan, annually per individual (plus expenses), and political protections in the form of employing them as commanding officers on the condition that they "-Don't get killed, and prove you're smarter than a sack of hammers and at least half as useful."

"No for real, I'll forgive the old man the gut punch, lemme do something so you're not bleedin' all over my contract?" Chigiri sighed, watching Sasakibe write up the contracts.

"I'll trust my body to keep my guts on the right side of my skin over someone's dirty socks." he sighed. "Or do you have something else on hand?"

"Minazuki." Muttered Yachiru, leaning heavily on Chigiri.

"Oh right! I keep forgetting she does the fish thing." Chigiri perked up. "Yeah tell the guards to go get her sword, it turns into a... fuckin' whatsit, the big flat fish? Turns into one of those that can heal anything."

"Again, I trust my own faculties over any sort of Healing Halibut." Chojiro groaned.

"Stingray." Yachiru muttered, wheezing a bit. "Minazuki is a stingray."

"Alright, back in line everyone- I need you all to confirm your identities and what crimes you need pardoned, and to sign your contracts." Sasakibe sighed, standing up with the contracts and handing the first to Yamamoto.

"Shigekuni Yamamoto, Dereliction of duty and Mail-tampering, among other assorted sins." He said, smirking a bit at his own joke as he took the contract.

"Thank you sir." Sasakibe sighed, shuffling the pile of folders containing the files of the dozen criminals, and stepping up to the first one.

"Chika Shihon-" He read off, matching the drawn portrait to the person in front of him- Chika was a rather handsome young thing, with warm bronze skin and short, soft white hair. It was the gleam in their yellow eyes that made Sasakibe worry. "- Sentenced to lifetime imprisonment or death for staging a clan coup, twelve counts of fratricide and... dabbling in forbidden Kido?"

"Oh, like you've never had a family dinner that got out of control!" Chika huffed, indignant.

"I'm more curious about the Kido, actually." Yamamoto said, peering over his file.

Chika beamed and Sasakibe got as far as a choked "NOT HERE-!" before they vanished in a cloud of smoke. When it cleared, they were still wearing the same excited expression, but now as a small white house cat.

Sasakibe and Yamamoto stared at the cat for a moment, then at each other in a mutual expression of I can't believe we've been reduced to asking these freaks for help.

"Well, when you've got thumbs again, please read your contract, then sign and initial all the indicated areas, and swipe your blood across the bottom." Sasakibe sighed, bending over to hand the kitty their contract. "Remember, these contracts are legally and magically binding. Betray us, and die immediately."

"Next is- Kinroku Izuhara-" Sasakibe was interrupted by one of guards appearing with the confiscated personal belongings of the prisoners, including an entire bundle of swords under his arm.

"I understand not giving us our weapons until the contracts are signed and the seal is placed upon us, but may I have my glasses back?" Kinroku asked, voice crisp and arch. He was certainly the least ragged-looking of the group, his graying hair still neatly trimmed and face clean-shaven.

Yamamoto held out a hand and the guard placed the appropriate glasses in his palm. "Trade you for whatever you have that's kept you so clean-shaven it's making my mustache itch." Yamamoto glared.

Kinroku smirked, and produced a piece of bone that had been exquisitely sharpened into a razor's edge.

"This is a human bone." Yamamoto observed.

"Unfortunately, poorer quality than the bones of pigs or cattle in terms of holding an edge, but it's done it's job." Kinrku nodded.

"...This says you're on death row for ...Tax Evasion?" Sasakibe glared at the file as the blade was traded for the glasses.

"Yes. I made an unfortunate miscalculation regarding the loyalty of my men, so I am glad you are taking adequate precautions." Kinroku muttered, cleaning his glasses on his robe, holding them up to the dim sunlight filtering through the hole, and frowning, disappointed.

"Men?" Yamamoto asked. "You've had experience commanding armed forces before?"

"After a fashion." he said, signing the contract and biting into his thumb to finish the deal. "You've heard of The Vipers of the southern reaches?"

"The decentralized bandit gang that disbanded a few years back? I thought their leader had died?" Sasakibe frowned.

Kinroku smirked at him.

"...Oh, for fuckssake." Sasakibe groaned.

"Chigiri Shijima." Yamamoto read off, having already moved on. "...What the hell kind of charge is Aggravated Medical Research?"

"Can't make an emergency field medicine manual omlette without breaking a few bones. And causing a few disembowelments. And poking out a few eyes." She explained.

Yamamoto slowly arched an eyebrow at her.

"I PUT 'EM ALL BACK!" Chigiri protested. "...Eventually."

"Read. Sign. Blood." Yamamoto sighed, handing her the contract.

"For real though, your man okay? I can have those stitched in under a minute." Chigiri pointed her thumb at Sasakibe.

"That's some fast-acting painkillers." Sasakibe noted.

"What painkillers?" Chigiri asked, genuinely confused.

"...I'll take my chances with the halibut." Sasakibe winced, turning to the next man in line. "Danjiro Obana?"

"Yeah!" Grinned the sturdy-looking blonde man, all smiles and friendliness now that an agreement had been reached. "Lookin' forward to workin' with you guys!"

"...Imprisoned for cannibalism?" Sasakibe asked, horrified.

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Danjiro hollered, voice echoing around the cavern.

"How do you accidentally consume human flesh?" Yamamoto glared.

"Well- okay it wasn't an 'accident' per se, but look, that Ise Clan guy locked me in the family mausoleum to die, and understandably, I got the munches, and the coffins were fulla, eh... post-sapient jerky?" Danjiro explained. "I really don't know what he expected to happen. Really surprised when he opened up the door a month later and I gut punched his spine out though. I don't regret that one bit."

"You know? That's fair." decided Sasakibe, handing him a contract. "Read, sign, blood."

"Yessir!" Danjiro saluted happily.

"Furufoshi Saito?" Yamamoto asked the young woman with the purple pigtails and eyepatch that was next in line.

"I DID NOT 'KIDNAP' HIM, HE'S MY HUSBAND AND THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PRICKS!" She roared.

Yamamoto blinked at her, then leaned over to read "Accused of Abducting and 'Deflowering' the eldest son of the Kuchiki clan' on her file. "...Care to elaborate on that?"

"I found poor Kyoga-kun half-dead on my doortstep after the battle of River Bo- he still had spears in him, the poor thing! So like a sane and reasonable person I took him in and nursed the sweet thing back to heath and- well, a beautiful man in my bed, grateful to me for saving his life and offering me his eternal love and gratitude- How could a girl resist?" She sighed, hearts in her remaining eye.

"-and since I'd carried him over the threshold into my home we were basically married already, so it wasn't wrong of me to ride him like a pony or violate his warranty like that! He loved it! He loves ME! AND I LOVE HIM! It's just that the rest of the Kuchiki clan are a bunch of snobs with no sense of romance." She sighed, melancholy, then looked up at him, chewing her lip in nervousness. "...You haven't. heard anything about him?"

Yamamoto considered her story, and the few times he'd met Kyoga Kuchiki- a delicate young man with a sense of romantic grandeur and when he'd seen the boy recently, he had been lying facedown on the floor and sobbing, in quite some distress over being separated from his beloved-

"...Daddy Bear?" Yamamoto asked, bewildered.

"MY LITTLE BABY BEAR REMEMBERS ME!" She shrieked with joy, "Is he alright? I've been so worried, he still wasn't over that septic infection and the war keeps getting closer-" She demanded, grabbing Yamamoto by his Kosode and shaking him for answers.

"-As of last month, he was distraught over your absence, but otherwise hale. The sooner the Quincy are dead, the sooner you can see him again. Read, sign, blood." Yamamoto said, detangling himself from her and putting the contract between them.

"Ah, Ever-turbulent but true runs the course of Love." sighed the charred man beside her. "Nobotsuna Shigyo, at your service." he introduced himself, bowing politely.

"I'm Batsu'unsai Katori- We were arrested and imprisoned for roughly the same incident and it may help to be introduced at the same time." Said the woman with the exceptionally large breasts beside him. "Um, I'll need my glasses back too- Oh, thank you!"

"The sight of sunlight is so strange after such time." Mused Nobotsuna. "Even before our imprisonment, the Lady Katori and I were leaders of a secret underground society!"

"It was less of a society and more of a Polycule that got out of control-" Explained Batsu'unsai. "Once I discovered by spiritual powers, I moved in with the great sage Shou Dokutsu, and began hanging out with and then dating other people with spiritual powers and they started bringing their partners to my district and pretty soon there were so many of us that the easiest way to house everyone was to start developing the extensive underground cave systems in the area."

"We manufactured many fine magical artifacts, so called ourselves The Under-Wares!" Said Nobotsuna.

"We actually called ourselves The Kido Union, because in addition to the magical tools, we formed a united labor front to keep the clans from exploiting us." She explained, and Yamamoto began to understand her interruption.

"I am the wise Loremaster of our people!" Said Nobutsuna.

"He's a stablehand." Batsu'unsai smiled.

"But the clans did not like that they were no longer able to exploit and abuse us now that we had allied in great numbers, and war came to our peaceful nation of Shou's Hole!" he said, with genuine sadness.

Yamamoto and Sasakibe looked back at Batsu'unsai.

"It actually is called Shou's Hole." she sighed. "He just wanted it so badly."

"I wore them down!" Notbotsuna grinned.

"Still, the clans did not like that they now had to pay to have magical labor done and that we would outright refuse their more barbaric requests, and eventually I think it was the Shibas that mounted an all-out assault on us. Last I heard, most of the Union made it out through the other exits from the caves, but Dokutsu-san and most of our heavy hitters stayed at the primary entrance to buy time. Nobotsuna and I were the only ones to survive the assault, and Hiraku Shiba had us thrown in here." Batsu'unsai sighed.

"Prick." Spat Nobotsuna. "Oh sure, when a head of one of the so-called 'Noble' houses goes around decapitating people and burning them alive it's considered 'honorable combat' and 'keeping the peace', but when I, a man whose family tree isn't a fucking wreath of incest, retaliates in a decidedly less lethal fashion suddenly its 'treason' and 'making up a spell called Penis Blast is a war crime'!!"

"-What kind of blast?" asked Sasakibe.

"He can demonstrate it for us on The Archery Bastards. Read, sign, blood." Yamamoto said, thrusting contracts at them.

"Entetsu Kumoi." Read off Sasakibe as they came to the bald man who was nearly as wide as he was tall, with the exposed gold teeth. Entetsu looked up from where he'd finished putting his glasses back on and arranged his hairless brows into something that indicated that he'd be smiling politely if he had lips. "Imprisoned for your participation in the riot at the Windroad House, where you..." Sasakibe frowned at the file. "-Attacked and killed one hudred fifty-seven town guards with a brick, and mounted an assault on the local Dyamo?"

"Always morally correct, hittin' cops with bricks." Nodded Entetsu. "-Specially ones comin' t' kill just because some people are out havin' a good time, doin' no harm to no-one."

"The Windroad House is a Bar in the 3rd district famous for it's ah. Exotic. Cabaret performances." Sasakibe explained to Yamamoto, who didn't get out much.

"You were. At one of these performances?' Yamamoto asked.

"Ah, nah- just gotten off the job and had nipped down to the pub across th'way for a pint when I saw the pigs kick in the door an' start dragggin' the ladies out and I thought 'well that ain't right', so I started throwin' bricks until I were on me last brick and then I hunted them down wit' that last brick until there were none left." he explained. "Then I thinks, 'well, there's only none left until more come from the station', so's I made me way up the road to the station wit' me brick and had me a little hogslaughter up there too, see?"

"...And you just. kept going?" Sasakiba asked.

"So's I did! Right up to the head hog's trough, though by then it were well early in the mornin' and I were tired an' had some dozen spears in me back and me brick had fallen apart, so's I dinna get hims haunches fer ham." Entetsu sighed.

"Persistence! Very good quality in a captain!" Grinned Yamamoto, handing him the contract. "You know what to do by now."

They turned to the rather comely young man with the straw hat. "Furuoki, was it?" Yamamoto asked, feeling something that wasn't hopeful, per se, but these were strong people, and deeply insane and they were agreeing to help him, something that made his heart race with a delirious sort of mania.

"Yes. I am Furuoki Otogawa." he nodded.

"-And you're imprisoned here for- ecological terrorism, defiling holy a holy site and creating a dangerous magical device?" Sasakibe asked.

"What?" asked Yachiru, getting back to her feet and leaning heavily on him. "You told me you were in here for Jaywalking?"

"I thought I was?" Said Furuoki, frowning and tipping his head with confusion.

"It says here you constructed a device over the Tenjo no Ganbo waterfalls to, ah- 'suck up the carp in the pool at the base of the waterfall and launch them, at speed, up and over the waterfall'." Sasakibe read off and looked up to see Furuoki staring into the distance, eyes watering.

"They wanted to get to the lake at the top so badly they were swimming up the waterfall, but they kept falling down and getting hurt!" he sobbed, overcome with emotion. "I just made a chute to safely carry them to the top and gently toss them in the lake! how is that a crime?"

"-because when a carp makes it to the top of Tenjo no Ganbo falls, IT TURNS INTO A DRAGON! YOU MADE HUNDREDS OF DRAGONS SUDDENLY APPEAR! THOUSANDS BEFORE THEY COULD DISMANTLE THE DAMN THING!!" Sasakibe shouted.

"Ohhh." Furuoki said, nodding. "-I'd wondered where all the dragons had come from. I still don't see why that's a crime though?"

"Gods help us." Groaned Yamamoto.

"Dragons tend to be. Kinda destructive." Yachiru spoke slowly, her voice still rough and hollow-sounding. " 'specially to little villages."

"Oh." Furuoki said quietly, horrified.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with them once I get my lung back and bust outta this joint." Yachiru reassured him as Sasakibe handed Furuoki his contract.

"You wont be 'busting out' of anywhere, miss-" Sasakibe suffled the papers to open her file. "-Yachiru Unohana! You're obligated to serve General Yamamoto in exchange for your freedom, seeing as you're imprisoned for- for-"

Sasakibe froze, staring at the file. "-That has to be a Mistake."

"What?" Grunted Yamamoto, sizing the woman up. According to the group, if Furuoki who could rip this heavily fortified prison open like an ant's nest was their weakest fighter, this sickly-looking woman was their strongest.

"The file says she's imprisoned for killing ten thousand people!" babbled Sasakibe.

"Oh, no, that isn't right." grunted Yachiru, and Sasakibe sighed with relief.

"-Should be closer to twelve or fifteen thousand." She clarified, and Sasakibe went white.

"Read, sign, mark with your blood at the bottom." Yamamoto sighed, thrusting the contract at her.

"Uhhh... can't." She said, staring blankly at the contract, then slowly looking up at Yamamoto.

"What do you mean 'can't'?"  he growled.

"I can't read." she said.

Sasakibe hid his face in his hands, groaning with pain, while Yamamoto turned on his heel and threw his hands in the air, silently beseeching any available Gods for help.

"You get what you pay for, General." Called Chika, having changed back into the clothes they'd arrived in- garish red-orange and black ninja garb of the Shihon clan- and tying their sword back onto their gaudy belt.

"I am paying all of you a frankly OBSCENE amount of money, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect basic literacy!" Yamamoto snapped.

"It's okay girl, I'll read it to you and then you can have Minazuki back, okay?" Chigiri volunteered, wrapping an arm around her illiterate compatriot and walking her back to some seat-height rocks.

"Let's just get this over with." Yamamoto sighed, glaring at Tsubaki, who only smiled serenely back at him. "Uhin Zenjoji?"

"Present, sir." Beamed the enormous man who looked like a professional Sumo wrestler- there was fat, lots of it, but underneath, an unsettlingly steady grace and power to his movements.

"Your file says you're imprisoned for Smuggling, Murder, Bootlegging, Murder, Trafficking, Murder, More murder and... one hundred seventy two violations of The Migratory Bird Act?"

"The only two I will dispute are the trafficking and migratory bird charges-" he said, delicately holding up two fingers. "-firstly, it's not trafficking to move refugees from the clan wars out of danger without giving the aforementioned clans a cut. I'm no pimp."

"And the birds?" Yamamoto glared, intrigued more than anything.

"A man may have his hobbies and his charitable works!" Uhin said, touching his hand to his chest in faux-impassioned speech. "I collect and breed rare and endangered birds- the world would a sadder place without their songs. So I have- well, had- an aviary up in the mountains where they could be propagated in peace." Uhin sighed.

"Huh. Something nearly bordering on sanity." said Sasakibe said, offering Uhin his contract.

"Got any of them- whatsit- the big kicky bitches?" Danjiro asked.

"Cassowaries?" Uhin asked. "But of course! Delightful little creatures."

Yamamoto decided he didn't hear that, actually, and turned his attention to the final member of the dirty dozen.

"Hello young man!" the decrepit old man creaked cheerfully. "I am Saizo Sakahone." he was bald, liver-spotted, missing teeth and had a spine that bowed like a fishing rod with something much too large for the boat on the end of the line.

"Sakahone like the province?" asked Yamamoto, remembering the western area he'd traveled through recently.

"...In a manner of speaking, I suppose?" Saizo grinned. "Though it's rather the other way around- my lovely wife, may she rest in peace, managed to bear me no less than sixteen beautiful daughters, and they bore at least a dozen granddaughters and so on- Why, by my one thousand one hundred and eleventy-eth birthday, I had somewhere over fifty thousand descendants! So I am not so much named after the province, as the province is named after me!" he chucked.

"...by the Gods." marveled Sasakibe.

"Look, I love my sword too but at least I take it out of the scabbard sometimes." sighed Yamamoto. "What're you in for, family man?"

"O-ho! Now that was quite rash of me, I'm afraid. Yes-" Saizo nodded, rubbing his gnarled-oak hands. "-but as you say, I am a family man and there is nothing I despise so much as someone who does violence to children. No, no, nothing more vile in the world than that..."

Yamamoto felt Sasakibe go stiff beside him, and glanced over. Sasakibe tipped the file closer for his friend to read.

"-The total annihilation of the Uchimaki clan?" Yamamoto asked.

"I was born a shepherd, my boy. My people have been herding cattle over the hills of my province since there were cattle and hills to herd them over. When rot and madness like that turns up in a line- you need to cull backwards at least three generations or it'll set root and spread through your whole herd." he sighed. "What a shame, what a shame, but it had to be done, or they would have learned to turn a profit, treating children like that, and then we'd never be rid of it."

"I saw the crater. Half a mile deep and three times as wide." Said Yamamoto, mustache trembling. "I thought the wrath of the Gods themselves had descended upon them."

"Hm." Saizo nodded, jaw trembling a bit with palsy. "Hm, yes. That's what it felt like."

"Would you like to feel it again?" Yamamoto asked.

"No." Saizo shook his head, but slowly straightened up as much as he could- he must have been close to seven feet tall before the scoliosis set in- flexing his hands and rolling his neck, the power held withing that body starting to come off him in shimmering golden steam. "-but if that's what it takes for me to go home again, then I will be the tool of the Gods once more."

Yamamoto offered him the contract, and did not need to give him instructions.

Behind them, there was a quiet but extremely invasive wet noise and Yamamoto turned to see Unohana unsheath her... well, it lived in a scabbard but it was a muddy green and unusually gooey for a sword. Minazuki bubbled forth from her scabbard, trilling faintly as she solidified and formed into a mottled green cyclopean stingray, large enough to swallow a man, nuzzling at her human affectionately.

"Huh. She does seem to have an exceptionally intimate bond with her Zanpaktou..." Sasakibe noted, then flinched as Minazuki's mouth opened to reveal a fleshy interior of writhing tentacles and strange glands. Without hesitation, Unohana shed her prisoner's robe, which was apparently the and stepped inside to be swallowed with a sigh of relief.

"Very intimate!" grinned Chigiri at Sasakibe's shoulder. "My offer to stitch you up is still on the table, unless you want to develop a similarly intimate relationship with a fish."

"Never did care for seafood..." Sasakibe muttered.

"What about Tsubaki-san?" Furofushi frowned. "Where's her contract?"

"I came here for fighters." Yamamoto shook his head, turning to Tsubaki. "But you are right that The Maggot's Nest is a secure fortress in it's own right. The war is no place for a pri-"

He stopped, staring. Tsubaki had sat down and was rubbing her feet, fingers laced between her toes. She glanced up at him, then down at her feet, smirked, and sat back, wiggling her toes. "No, I agree, the front is no place for a Princess, but it is very much a place for a Diplomat, isn't it?" she asked.

Yamamoto blinked. "I have been thoroughly disinherited from any political position I may have inherited, so I am no princess." She explained, rolling her ankle with a smirk. "-and you are, if I may make an estimation based on my training as a Lady Of Society and now that all of our contracts are signed and bonded, terrible at negotiations."

Yamamoto shook himself, trying to pretend he hadn't been staring at her arches. "...I thought it went fine? Nobody lost a hand."

She smiled, and walked up beside him, lacing her arm with his and gently patting his hand. "My dear. If bookies had been allowed to lay bets on this encounter, the odds of me losing my head would have been considered a sure thing, and the odds on my being able to convince you to properly hire us and pay us, I agree, an 'obscene' amount of money so slim that anyone who took my side would now be a very rich idiot."

Yamamoto squinted at her, trying to translate that in his head.

"...You've conned me." He glared.

"Quite badly, I'm afraid." She smiled.

"You've conned me, but you can con say, that idiot that runs the Omeda clan or the obnoxious boy with the cock's comb that follows Yhwach around even worse." He tried.

Miss Tsubaki smiled, and laced her fingers with his.

"I'm going to have someone much smarter than me write up your contract." he nodded. "Sasakibe? Can you get us home in a-"

Yamamoto turned to see his friend, standing with his robe open while Chigiri knelt before him. Yamamoto blinked in bewilderment, and then realized the woman was stitching his wounds up at speed, her face close to his navel to focus on her work.

"...Hurry?" Yamamoto asked.

"Boss if I go any faster I'm gonna sew his bellybutton shut." Chirigi replied, not looking up.

"She is almost done, sir." Sasakibe winced. "Please don't interrupt her work?"

--- It took a good half hour to get everyone together to leave- clothes changed, signed out of the Maggot's nest and their custody turned over to Yamamoto, Nobotsuna trying to smuggle his "pet" Salamander out, several other prisoners saying tearful goodbyes to Tsubaki and her taking their information down 'for later', Minazuki trying to eat the salamander, and further mayhem while Sasakibe finished drawing the teleportation circle but soon they were lined up, and as the spell activated, Tsubaki gripped Yamamoto's arm rather firmly.

But in a flash, they were returned to Headquarters, Tsubaki blinking from the bright sun.

"General!" the soldier saluted. "Good to see you again! No news from the front, but we have received word the Shihon clan has made an alliance with the Fon clan as the advance approaches their homeland."

"HAH!" Shouted Chika. "Either cousin Genki pulled his head out of his ass or whatever cousin they're on now has good taste! Mingyan is a BABE and a half."

"Nice digs, very nice." Nodded Danjiro, looking around the courtyard. "...Looks really familiar for some reason. Never been to Seireitei, but I swear I've been in a building just like this?"

The other criminals looked around the courtyard, frowning and muttering about how it DID look familiar, and not at all like barracks.

There was a distressing hurgling sort of noise behind them and Minazuki spat out Yachiru Unohana, who tumbled out, nude and covered in slime. She rolled to the foot of the shrine, and sat up, blinking at the statue inside.

"Hey-" She called, voice still low and a rough but the hollow wetness had gone. "-Why's the military got a shrine to Yatagarasu?"

The others looked at the shrine and then around the building again. The orderly layout, the way the men were fit and professional but not precisely military, the extensive filing and sorting system visible through the open doors, Yamamoto's confession to Mail-tampering, the shrine to the Messenger of the Gods...

"You know, I did think it was rather strange that you were able to rally a small but apparently quite fast and very loyal army without the aid of any major clans." Tsubaki sighed. "How very industrious of you, Postmaster-General Yamamoto!"

[cherriegyuu]

seventeen as song from lover (ts)

a/n: for this, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in a request and i'll write for you

red | 1989 | reputation | lover | folklore | midnights

• Seungcheol ➝ Cruel Summer Fever dream high in the quiet of the night You know that I caught it (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it) Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price You know that I bought it (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it) ↳ Seungcheol was infamous, the bad boy like you see in the movie, and god you wanted him.

• Jeonghan ➝ Afterglow This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh ↳ Jeonghan was never one to lose his patience with people, least of all you. But one day a fight gets out of control and it leaves you wondering if your relationship has come to an end. ↣ read here

• Joshua ➝ Lover And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years? ↳ you’re scared you might be falling in love a little way quickly for Joshua

• Jun ➝ Cornelia Street And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away I'd never walk Cornelia Street again ↳ A year after the end of your relationship with Jun, you go back to the small apartment you used to share. To your surprise, Jun is next door to you.

• Hoshi ➝ Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince I counted days, I counted miles To see you there, to see you there It's been a long time coming, but ↳ one day you got a letter in the mail by mistake from someone named soonyoung. You spend years going back and forth with the letters until you finally meet each other.

• Wonwoo ➝ False God I know heaven's a thing I go there when you touch me, honey Hell is when I fight with you ↳ you and Wonwoo never fought before, at least not to the point where both of you were screaming at each other.

• Jihoon ➝ The Archer I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you ↳ for years you had a one-sided crush on Jihoon. You planned to confess your feelings many times but failed at every single opportunity.

• Minghao ➝ London Boy Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride Babes, don't threaten me with a good time ↳ Minghao is always one to see the beauty where most people see none, so when he drags you out of your apartment on a particularly rainy day you don’t complain, sure that whatever it is that he planned is a perfect date.

• Mingyu ➝ Paper Rings I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this ↳ Mingyu had always been your best friend and that line had never been crossed before, then, one day, you woke up naked in his bed with a vivid memory of the previous night. ↣ read here

• Seokmin ➝ I Think He Knows He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm 17, nobody understands No one understands ↳ there was nothing in the world you loved more than Seokmin’s smile.

• Vernon - You Need To Calm Down And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression But I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun ↳ nothing can make Vernon mad but you’re adamant about proving him wrong

• Seungkwan ➝ Death By a Thousand Cuts I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby ↳ in which Seungkwan drunk calls you, his ex, and finally tells you all the feelings he kept to himself for months. ↣ read here

• Chan ➝ Daylight I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night And now I see daylight ↳ it was impossible not to compare Chan to a ray of sunshine, especially after he was the one who brought you back to life

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @ho34gojo, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @mhlsymlysn, @swinterr, @immabecreepin, @uniq-tastic, @miriamxsworld

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a/n: somehow three of these could become smut and i'm thinking of writing them that way

[wystaria-garden]

🍀 The Beauty of Eorzea: Gridania 🍀

Author's Note:

Heya! I want to start a little series for myself that showcases the beauty of places in Eorzea (and perhaps other places..!?) I Gpose a lot, so finding a lovely spot to take the perfect picture is very satisfying for me, so this will also help me remember those lovely spots haha! I thought I'd post since it may be useful for others. I will showcase main areas and highlight areas that I think deserve some more spotlight. Any further author's notes will be written like this!

☘️ Section One: New Gridania

New Gridania is one of my main hub areas! ☺️ I love hanging with my friends here. I'm a member of the Twin Adders and my WoL's first citystate was Gridania, so this place holds a special spot in my heart. That's why it's first in this series!

New Gridania is a lush rural city area surrounded by rivers and lakes. Important landmarks are the Archer's Guild, the Carpenter's Guild and the Order of the Twin Adder, one of the Grand Companies of Eorzea. You will find lots of green and flowery areas, along with natural wood and stone finishes. The Carline Canopy's interior is a sight to behold.

Upon exploring further into the citystate, you arrive at your next destination.

☘️ Section Two: Old Gridania

Another common area for me; I make great use of the Market Board and can be seen rushing from it back to the Inn in New Gridania frequently to make outfits. 😂

Old Gridania continues the lush, natural areas and is home to many important places. Be sure to stop by the Shaded Bower-- with the Rosewood and Ebony Stalls-- as they are filled with merchants that have any and every item a fresh-eyed sprout could desire! Other important landmarks include the Conjurer's Guild, Lancer's Guild, the Leatherworker's Guild and the Botanist's Guild, along with Min Khetto's Amphitheatre (which was rebuilt after the Calamity) where seasonal events are usually held.

In this area particularly, there are a few highlights that deserve to be seen.

✨ Section Three: Highlights

First off is... the Conjurer's Guild!

Nestled deep inside a large tree, the Conjurer's Guild is a perfect place to add a spooky or calming vibe to your poses! The glowing flowers in the main hall are a sight to behold.

Another highlight, in my opinion, is the Botanist's Guild.

The Botanist's Guild has a large area of farmland where you can find many flowers and crops! I absolutely love the green and orange pumpkin patches, along with the lettuce patch. The inside of the Botanist's Guild also surprised me with how beautifully decorated it was. There are some massive pumpkins in there!

That is all I have for the citystate of Gridania! I hope you enjoyed reading it. I just thought it'd be a cute idea to showcase some nice areas I found, and plan to do other areas like the Black Shroud and such later on. However, I am a disabled artist that rarely has free time, so the posts may be few and far between. Even so, I hope you enjoy them. 💖

[scarisd3ad]

To the end and back [daryl Dixon x reader]

Chapter one - the archer

Masterlist

Taglist

Summary - after the world ended you were sure you’d never find love again but a certain archer catches your eyes and changes the entire trajectory of your life.

Warnings - normal twd warnings

Previous >> Next

Edited

Fifty-four days it's been fifty-four days since the initial outbreak. I am trying to remember how I got here with this group by a quarry just a bit out of Atlanta. It's all jumbled together: how my roommate got infected, how I got out of the city, how Shane found me stumbling towards their camp. There were many people here, enough to keep each other protected. We had a couple cars and tents, guns and weapons. Some of us go out for supply runs every now and then just to pick up food and other essentials.

There's a couple kids here too. I don't know how they can play around and be happy-go-lucky after what they've seen. All the people here are lovely except for a few I don't bother with because I'm scared of them. Like Daryl and his brother Merle, those two motherfuckers scare me. They both have heavy Southern accents, and I swear they do drugs. Since we were running low, Daryl, Shane, and Glenn had gone into the city to grab some extra food for the camp.

It was starting to get dark. I'm sitting in a lawn chair by the fire with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. They had been out for about 3 to 4 hours when we heard the sounds of cars pulling up. Everyone turns around to ensure it's them and not some random person. It is them, though.

They all get out with backpacks full of things like food and water. If we're lucky, they'll bring back some toys for the kids, new clothes, and even random little gadgets. Some kids ran up to the cars as the three men got out. I turn back around, staring at the fire.

I don't know what day it is, what time, or what month. It's starting to get dark. The walkers are way more active at night, so I always try to get into my tent as soon as the sun begins to go down. Amy walks over and sits next to me. Amy and I get along well because we're the same age. "You alright?" She asks I shrug in response. Sometimes, I just think, think, and think, which makes me go down the rabbit hole of asking myself, why me? Why was I here? Why was this happening? What did I do to deserve this? "Just a bit hungry, y'know?" I whispered.

We don't get to eat three meals a day like we used to anymore, and my body was still getting used to the scarce amount of food. "Me too," she whispers back. I watch as Shane walks back towards camp with Lori and her son Carl. Carl has short brown hair, blue eyes, and freckled cheeks. You'd often mistake them for a family, but they're not. Apparently, Shane was a cop and was Lori's husband's partner before the outbreak. Lori's husband died, so Shane's taking over. Carl has a brand-new toy car in his hands, which he's showing off to Sophia, Carol and Ed's daughter. She's got an almost strawberry-blonde bob, brown eyes, and freckles.

"Hey." I see Daryl standing before me with a package of instant noodles. My brows furrow, confused because I've never really spoken to him. His hair is short, like he had a buzz cut, but it's grown out, and he has blue eyes. I wasn't going to lie. He was a handsome man, just kind of scary at times. "Hi?" I say in more of a questioning tone. "I, um, got ya this while we were out," he said, tossing me the package. I smiled. That was sweet. "I heard ya talkin' bout missin' it, so I just..." he said, trailing off. "Wow, thanks, Daryl," I say with a giggle. He nods but quickly walks off to his brother. "That was cute," Amy says, and I roll my eyes. "Okay..." I sigh as I pat the package of noodles. "...I will admit that was actually really sweet." I sigh as I lean my head back. The sun is getting lower. "you gonna head out?" She asks. I nod as I push myself up out of the chair. "Night Am's," I yawn as I walk toward my tent.

I unzip my tent and step in. I try to make my tent feel as comfortable and at home as possible. So, I have bunches of pillows and blankets I've brought and collected throughout the month or two we've been going through this. I sit crisscrossed on my sleeping bag and zip my tent back up. I sigh as I lay back, placing the package of noodles with all of my other belongings. (Books, clothes, and other things I managed to grab before fleeing my apartment.)

I began to think about Daryl, realizing I never expected him to be that sweet. Especially to someone he's barely talked to. He was usually hot-headed. Both he and his brother had unpredictable tempers. That was Nowhere near the Daryl I had spoken to earlier. I don't remember falling asleep, but I shot up in a cold sweat. I don't even remember the dream, but I instinctively grab my knife. I listen closely to make sure I don't hear any walkers before unzipping my tent and crawling out. The fire is still blazing, and I can see Glenn sitting in front of it. It's definitely early morning.

 I could tell by the sky. I walked through the overgrown grass, it tickles my lower legs as I did so. I sit next to Glenn and sigh as the heat of the fire hits my face. "Hey," I say quietly. He looks up at me and smiles. "Hey, y/n/n. Can't sleep?" He asks. I nod slightly as I lean back in the chair, I'm sitting in. "nightmare," I whisper. He nods. "Same, can't close my eyes without seeing a Walker. "I lean my head against his shoulder. Glenn was the first person I was open to talking to once I got here. I was too scared of the others, but Glenn was the sweetest guy I've ever met.

"Do you ever think about how it was before?" I ask, and he nods. I think about it all the time: what if this never happened? Would I still be going to college; would I still be living in my shitty apartment. Sometimes, I think about how I would've never met Glenn or Amy if this had never happened. "Yeah, all the time," he whispers as he grabs my cold hand, warming it up. "Do you miss it?" I say, turning my head. He nods. "of course I do..but if this never happened, I'd never have met you." I nod with a smile and a laugh. "You're like my best friend, y/n," he says, and I laugh as I bury my head in his shoulder. "You should go back to bed," Glenn whispers. I nod, lifting my head off his shoulder. "I'll see you later," I say, pushing myself off the chair. "Love you!" Glenn shouts as I walk away.

"Love you too!"

Next

Taglist

@e1d0lonk3k @soul4death

[fanaticsnail]

Works In Progress: Round-Up

@sordidmusings, thank you for your tag. It's really lit the firecracker and having the fingertips sprinting to complete these WIPS. Thank you for holding me accountable and just being amazing.

@writingmysanity, @gingernut1314: I would love to hear what you're both concocting up with your beautiful words. Share with the class, I'm all eyes and ears.

@feral-artistry, @empressofmankind: Have you got any sneak peeks of your art you'd like to tease? I am keen!!

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

There are a few, so I'm going to add a page break. If you're keen on reading below, I'd love to hear which ones you'd like to steer me on towards.

One-Shots

Open Mic Night (request) (One-Shot) Buggy x Reader

A night off from their regular duties, the Buggy-Pirates drunkenly stumble into a small tavern running an open-mic-night for the locals and tourists to indulge in singing away their blues and joyful lilting of melodies.

Usually one to shy away from the spotlight to support others in stampeding towards stardom; Buggy's stage-hand, under the liquid courage and support driven to her by her coworkers, decides to utilise her voice to finally chase the thrill of her own moment within the spotlight. The Clown-Captain is simply enchanted by her.

Kintsugi (one-shot) (mood board) Buggy x Reader

An artist amongst the Buggy-Pirates longs to demonstrate how truly beautiful she finds her beloved clown-captain; even though he himself cannot see it. Through the art of kintsugi and the use of the chop-chop fruit; she paints and repairs him piece by piece to form him completely within her skilled hands.

Mambo: (Dance Series) (request) (one-shot) Bogard x Reader

Leaving him jilted in your youth and opting to become a world renowned antiquities appraiser and artist, you are again reunited with your young love at a night hosted by your boss at his artistic manor. With your art showcased around the halls, embellished in hues of gold and bronze, your confidence was unwavering. Apprehension left you as he invited you against himself to reminisce with him of what could've been, swaying to the music in the arms of one another. Will the smoldered flames rekindle? If not for the rest of your life, surely one night would not change anything...

Bolero: (Dance Series) (one-shot) Garp x Reader

The daughter of a wealthy noble notices the eyes falling to her at the banquet table. Her dalliances' with those closer in proximity to her age was so far inadequate to satiate her desire for adventure and danger. If she askes this silver fox to dance with her after the evening meal, will she experience the thrill she so desires within the arms of an older man?

The Hawk and the Weasel (request) (one-shot) Mihawk x Reader

Overcome with fatigue, exhaustion and rage; the Hawk finally has the Weasel within his talons. At long last, you are captured and will be taken to receive justice at the hands of the world government. The two of you are beyond tired, but Mihawk does not trust you not to wriggle yourself from his clutches. He has no choice but to cuff you against himself, trusting only the gentle flush of the heat rising from your body against his own to be theonly way he knows you're still contained.

The Bear and the Bow (request) (one-shot) Shanks x Reader

To win the heart and hand of a fair maiden, many a foe attempted to best her in her skills as an archer. All failed in their attempt, none succeeding in besting nor wooing the warrior-woman. But there was one that began weaseling his way into her very soul: a red-head with a liver for rum, a smile like sunlight and the eyes of a commanding storm.

Jig (Dance Series) (one-shot) Shanks x Reader

A night of drinking and merriment amongst the red-hair pirates led them to spill their frothy ales atop the benches and floorboards of a run of the mill tavern; much to the disdain of the waitress being tasked with trailing their havoc and tidying their mischief. The captain of the red-hair pirates longs to bring a smile to her face; as she caught his eye with her surliness each time he graced her port, yearning for a reaction from her stony expression. Perhaps if he could persuade her to join him for a jig, she might break from her contemptuous expression.

Foxtrot (Dance Series) (one-shot) Koby x Reader

The Marine Ball was either a joy for the upper-class cadets, or the ruin of many a lowerclassmen amongst them. Admiral Garp began his instruction, pairing up the differing classes of cadets with their perspective counterparts; the pink-haired quick learner becoming flustered under the confident presence of his dance partner. Her compassion for her skill alongside his apprehension to engage in the dance drove her to teach him how to confidently and successfully lead her in dance.

Series:

Sapsorrow: (ongoing series) Mihawk x Reader

"Whom so ever fits the ring becomes wed to the warlord who owns it." The Governess of Dracule Mihawk at Castle Kuraigana has accidentally invoked an ancient curse against the worlds greatest swordsman. By slipping a ring onto her finger, she has become engaged to the former Warlord. She lays out three impossible circumstances for him to complete in order for them to be wed, truly not knowing Mihawk's life is at stake should he fail to meet this task. Apprehensively, their walls break down as they get to know each other better in formal courtship - no matter how they try to fight it, it's happening and feelings are being caught.

The Apprentice: (ongoing series) Mihawk x Reader

Mihawk is a bitchy boss, the apprentice is his bratty underling. Professionalism, sword-mastery and affiliation for wine consumption drives their relationship.Mihawk pushed his apprentice a little too far, prompting her to submit a formal resignation effective immediately. Calling her bluff, he attempts to chaperone her towards a cellar door to begin an afternoon of wine-tasting, only to find absence at his side as his apprentice simply walked away from him. And he was angry about it.

Trios One-Shots:

S.O.S (one-shot)(mood board) Sir Crocodile x Reader x Sanji

She longs to escape, but plays into the role of complete obedience to her powerful employer. As a last ditch effort, she sings in French to avoid suspicion; claiming the gaze and attention from a young, blonde chef in Alabaster - immediately longing to release her from her entrapment.

Cabaret at Baratie: (one-shot) Zoro x Reader x Sanji

The Straw-Hat pirates return to Baratie to settle their dining debt. Music coming from the kitchen, the crew finds a mysterious woman completing domestic back-of-house duties with Patty and Carne; wearing scantily clad clothing and performing a dance of mischievous seduction with the two chefs amongst cleaning the dishes. Chef Zeff, welcoming them back, informs the crew: a travelling cabaret crew has been performing at Baratie for the past month. Two crewmen amongst the pirates become immediately infatuated by the playfulness of the woman in the kitchen, vowing to compete for her affection. Who will win? How could she possibly choose between them?

Eyes Meeting: (NSFW one-shot) Zoro x Reader x Sanji

While clutching the back of the open shirt of the blonde chef, braced against the kitchen counter as he smother's your neck and jaw with sweet kisses, you notice a small shimmer of gold in the doorframe. Was Zoro watching you? Was he watching both of you together? Keeping your eyes fixed on the door and silencing your breaths, your eyes meet with the intense hazelnut stare of the swordsman: watching you both intently.

[buckysdolls]

Your Archer of Infamy (Priest x You) Series

Chapter 1

The windscreen wipers were frantically leaping left to right fighting off the rain that was lashing against your windshield screen. Twelve years of driving and you’re a hundred percent sure this was the worst weather you’d ever driven in, not to mention you felt the pressures of being even more cautious than usual as Rhea was in the car with you. You and Rhea had been friends since 2017 when Rhea joined the company. You were older than her by three years and as soon as you were introduced to each other your personalities clicked. That’s why you made such a great tag team, best friends in the ring, best friends out the ring. You and Rhea tried to drown the sound out of the rain with your singing.

“Out the curtain, lights go up, I'm home..”

“WHOA!” Both you and Rhea belted out Downstrait’s ‘Kingdom’, Cody Rhodes’ entrance song. Your phone chimed, it was a photo message from Damian. As you were driving, Rhea opened it up for you, the photo was of Damian, Finn and Dom waiting in the hotel. 

“When are you two going to stop messing about and just do it?” Rhea blurted out, questioning the chemistry that lingered between you and Damian.

“Straight to the point as ever Rhea” Your exhale turning to laughter.

“We’re all just waiting for it to happen.”

“So am I” Your honesty had Rhea in stitches. She turned the music down that was on full blast to answer a video call she was receiving.

“Who is it?” You asked, wanting to look over but you knew you had to keep your eyes on the road. A chorus of ‘Hi’s’ told you it was Balor, Dom and Priest. 

“ETA?” Balor asked, Rhea looked over at your phone’s navigation app.

“Two minutes, we’re just round the corner.” Rhea replied. 

“Has she crashed yet?” Dom liked to pick on you, he was like a little brother to you. You constantly had playful back and forth spats with each other. 

“Fuck you Dom” keeping your eyes on the road you gave him the middle finger which Rhea pointed the camera at so Dom could see. As Rhea hung up you pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, you both looked at each other and nodded as if you knew what each other was thinking. You both threw open the car doors, slamming them shut. Both of you hastily ran to the boot and grabbed whatever bags there were in an attempt to get as little wet as possible from the rain. Heads down to avoid the rain slapping into your faces as the heavy wind pushed it in your direction you both legged it over to the entrance, dropping the bags as soon as you were in the clear from the rain.

“That’s disgusting” You turned to Rhea gesturing to the rain.

“You got us here safely though” Rhea emphasised the word ‘safely’ loudly in an attempt to grab Dom’s attention as the three of them sat on comfortable leather chairs, their backs to the pair of you. They were waiting for you and Rhea to check in and change so you could all head to the gym together.

You and Rhea headed over to the front desk, as Rhea checked in Grayson Waller had approached you. He’d been trying for a while now, vying for your attention and you wondered how long he would keep up with it. You raised your eyebrows at him as if to question what he wanted, to which he just responded with a smirk, licking his lower lip and continuing to chew his gum. 

From afar, Priest watched the interaction. He wasn’t a fan of it, his knuckles were turning white from the hard grip he had on the arm of the chair. He knew you were well liked and often the desires of many lads in the locker room when the topic of conversation was the female roster. He couldn’t blame them though. You were genuinely one of the sweetest girls but for everyone else the talk was superficial, it was always your looks, to him he cared more about how you reflected the same rockstar lifestyle he lived. Thankful for all your opportunities. Trying to be the best version of yourself. Being happy. The look was just a bonus in the neatly wrapped up package. Balor and Dom noticed where Priest’s attention was currently drawn too, Waller rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

“Tell her bro!” Dom yelled into a whisper. Within an instant Dom’s attention was on Balor and Dom.

“Nah. I’m eleven years older than her, I’ll just be holding her back” Priest slumped back in his chair trying not to look over.

“Sounds like some bullshit excuse to me” Balor coughed in between each word. 

As Waller touched your arm you looked at it, as you did you tried to steal a glance over at Priest using your peripheral vision, you were hoping he was looking in your direction and to your pleasure he was. You adored Priest, you wanted him badly. He always gave you signals like touches and comments that told you it was reciprocated but he never acted up on it. You knew it was an ignorant thing to be doing but you tried to use the attention from other guys to get some sort of reaction out of him. 

“Can’t wait to see you in action tonight.” Waller’s attempt to flirt with you was cringeworthy but you smiled to play along.

“Thanks…”

“We can take the action back to my room later if you wanted?”

Internally you were gagging and trying not to let your face screw up into a ball in reaction to the cringe comments leaving his mouth. Overhearing the comments Rhea stepped in trying to save you from any more painful Waller interaction.

“Beat it Waller” Rhea rolled her eyes.

“Charming as always Rhea” Waller brought his hand up to his chest as if her words wounded him.

“I’m serious, we’ve got better things to do Grayson” Rhea turned you around so your back was to Waller and although you were finding it hilarious because of Rhea’s bluntness you mouthed ‘thank you’ to her. 

“Check-in” She whispered in your ear before grabbing her bags and walking away to the boys. 

“Think about my offer, yeah?” Waller said as he backed away.

You breathed deeply to regain your composure.

“Hi, I’d like to check in please?”

“Welcome, absolutely, what is the name on the reference?”

You gave the lady behind the counter your name and booking reference, her lips rolled thinly and her eyebrows furrowed as if she was confused. You observed her closely as she kept tapping and scrolling. She’d occasionally look up with apprehension on her face, as she looked at your smile. 

“I’m sorry Miss, it seems there has been a mix up with your booking. The room has been double booked.” 

“How does that even happen?” You huffed in disbelief.

“I’m not sure…” The lady was dumbfounded, as she looked up at you with regret. You weren’t one to yell, it wasn't her fault. 

“Any more rooms available?” You questioned hopefully.

The lady shook her head and pursed her lips outwards “ I’m afraid not, we’re fully booked because of the show. Neighbouring hotels are fully booked too. I could explain your situation to the current occupants and ask if they would mind vacating the room offering them a free stay another time?.”

You shook your head smiling kindly at the lady. 

“That won't be necessary. Could you just make sure you refund me the room please?” You could tell the lady really appreciated your level of calmness, you were almost certain she was used to being yelled at in situations like this.

“Of course, miss. Once again our apologies for this mix up and thank you for being so kind about it”

Turning your back to the counter, you huffed and rubbed your eyes in frustration before making your way over to the group.

“What’s with the long face?” Dom asked. 

“ I don’t have a room, they gave my room to someone else” You flopped over the arms of the chair Damian was sitting on so you were laid across him, letting your body go limp. 

“Shit. I’ve got Buddy staying tonight…” Rhea replied implying she couldn’t offer you space as her boyfriend would need the room. You pulled yourself up like a sit up  then dropped yourself onto the lap of Damian.

“It’s fine, I'll sleep out here. We only ever get five hours of sleep on the road anyway. Zero hours tonight won't hurt. Beside its comfortable”

“It’s only comfortable because you’re sitting on Damian” Dom pointed at the pair of you, You turned to look at Priest who was smirking at you which in turn made the corners of your lips curl upwards. Your eyes darted quickly between his dark eyes and lips, likewise he copied you. You could both sense the tension between you as you’d both forgotten where you were as silence filled the air. 

“I aint complaining” Priest broke first and spoke up, his hands in the air. You refocused, turning back to face everyone else.

“Thanks for stating the obvious Dom” your sarcasm causing everyone to snicker. Priest put one arm round the back of you to lean on your waist.

“Take my bed, I can take the floor for a night” Priest said. You turned to look at Priest, you couldn’t help but look at him lovingly. 

“I can’t do that” 

“I’m not letting you sleep out here on your own” Damian’s other hand gravitated to your leg, settling in between your thighs. 

“This makes me sick” Dom joked as you looked down at the hand. Damian followed your gaze and instantly removed his hand and pushed up to make you both stand up. 

“C’mon let's go.” Priest ignored you as he walked past as if to pretend he didn’t just have you sat on him, his hand grazing your inner thigh..

“Meet here in ten yeah?” Rhea asked and everyone nodded in agreement. You followed behind Damian up to his room. 

The day had dashed by, you were now alone with Priest in the hotel room. You opened the bathroom door to see him in his boxers and you in the only bedtime clothes you had, your lingerie, you weren’t expecting having to share a room with anyone okay! Sometimes pyjamas aren’t needed! You sighed quietly, trying to maintain your composure seeing Damian this way. 

“I’m sorry I dont have pyjamas otherwise I’d wear them” You became nervous as you walked towards Priest, you weren’t sure if you were nervous because you were suddenly overcome with anxiety with how you looked or if it was because Priest made you nervously giddy.

“No need to apologise 

“Like what you see?” Priest’s low gruff voice asked you. Priest was astounded by you, only asking you that question because he liked what he saw.  You rolled your eyes in amusement.

“It’s alright I suppose” You shrugged your shoulders

You watched as Priest laid down on the floor and grabbed the blanket off the bed, his actions confusing you. 

“You’re not actually sleeping there are you?” Priest folded his arms behind his head to lean on, his muscles tensing making your self control even weaker as he just gazed up at you.

“I dunno? Am I?” Reverse psychology… good one you thought. You dropped on to the bed telling Damian to get in. You didn’t need to tell him twice and he was up onto the bed and settled next to you. You turned over to face him, your faces inches apart, all Priest wanted to do was pull you into him and on top of him, his hands grabbing at your ass as you kissed intensely over and over again, him manoeuvring your body to grind against him.

“What do you think of Waller?” His thoughts shattered instantly. Why were you asking him about Waller? Not wanting to let you know he was confused or disappointed, he shrugged his shoulders. 

“Seems fine” Damian’s reply was blunt. 

“I think he wants to go on a date..”

“Enjoy it” Damian smiled and quickly turned over like he was giving you the cold shoulder. He was… he didn’t want to hear about your feelings towards Waller, not that you actually had any. Your reasoning in bringing Waller up had the intention of making Damian jealous and maybe get him to admit his feeling so you could too but his responses had you feeling that your desired outcome had failed.

During the night Damian was woken by your slow movement of turning over and placing your arm over his midsection, curling up to him and resting your forehead on his back. He didn’t want to wake you so he let you cuddle up to him. Was he really going to let someone like Waller get to you before he could?

[littlegodzilla]

Hiii!! Here I am with another chapter! Our guys left the farm and now they need to find other place where they can be safe and Lori could have her baby. So... let's to see what's happen!

Thanks for reading, the comments and reblogs I'm really happy that you liked the story!

Enjoy this part too!

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

Our Story.

Daryl Dixon x Wife/ Daryl Dixon x Reader.

Part 9.

Masterlist.

Warnings: TWD tense moments and violence. Fluff stuff.

Words: 3.400

Summary: You found the prison, you have a new home, but not everything is so easy.

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

Chapter 9. Prison.

You have lost count of how long you have been wandering without stopping for even two seconds to sleep. Lori is getting bigger and bigger, each time the urgency to find a safe place weighs on all of you like a burden. Time is running out on your account.

God, you would have even eaten from that can of dog food Carl found in the last house you unsuccessfully tried to shelter in. Daryl has managed to catch an owl, but it didn't have much meat on it either. You are now standing in your cars, some of them are still running, which is almost like a miracle, Lori is catching her breath, running and walking for a long time is already proving to be a hard task for her.

"I'm gonna see if I can find somethin' else to eat." Daryl says looking at Rick.

"I'm coming with you." He nods with his knife, following the archer.

The rest of you stay behind to secure the perimeter. Carl and Sophia are with Carol and Lori, they're hungry, but hanging on as best they can, as is everyone else. You sigh, picking up your arrows and counting them. You don't have many left, in a little while you should look for new branches and make more, in the last escape you left too many on the way. You grab your knife picking up several branches from the ground and start sharpening the tip of each one.

"I'm hungry..." Sophia murmurs.

"I know, honey, but you have to hang in there for a bit, Daryl and Rick have gone to get more food." Attempts to cheer up her and her mother.

"Can we practice?" she asks again, looking at you.

"Sure, let's aim for those trees over there." You point to some trees near the road.

You don't need to go very far, just a few yards, it's not much but it will keep the kids distracted, at least for the time Rick and Daryl are away. In those months they have improved a lot, both Sophia and Carl, even Carol is more skilled with her own bow, Carl is still more comfortable with the gun his father gave him, but he knows how to defend himself with both, Sophia for her part has perfected the technique and like you, carries a knife in her belt in case she runs out of arrows. They are still children, but they have learned fast and have taken on the role of being one more in the group, their childhood is being left behind, forced to grow up too fast.

"Uh, that was a close one." Sophia protests when her arrow falls a little short of yours.

"That wasn't bad at all." You smile flatteringly to keep her from getting discouraged. Suddenly your arrow flies through the air, you turn and see Daryl and Rick emerge from the trees. "You owe me an arrow." You reproach him and he twists his head, as if it doesn't go with him.

"We bring news." Rick says, gaining everyone's attention. "We've found a place..."

*****************

If at any other time in your life you had been told that the safest place to live was going to be inside a prison, you would have laughed, very hard too. But now, it's as rational as it gets. It won't be easy to get in, Rick explains the plan, how he wants to divide the group to enter and attack the dead. The main idea is to close the gates, occupy the entire garden, at least there with the watchtowers you would have a roof in case the weather in Georgia should change again. Maybe little by little you could try to get in.

You all know your place and your mission. Beth along with Maggie and Lori stand on one side of the fence drawing the attention of the dead. You make a hole so you can enter, Carl and Sophia along with Carol, Glenn, Rick, Daryl and you advance down the outside corridor heading towards the main gates where the front yard you want to occupy is.

"Ready?" Rick asks in a whisper.

You all nod as he opens one of the doors. The first shot is yours. From the position, along with Sophia, you clear the way for Carol and Daryl who run to one of the watchtowers to shoot from there, giving Rick a clear path as he runs to the other door to close it, preventing the Walkers from getting out. Leaving all that space for you.

It is immense, a free place, without danger, you have checked that none of the fences have any holes that you could regret. Nothing. Everything is yours. You are exhausted, but happy, you no longer need to keep running, you can set up camp there, rest at last.

You can't help it but as you enter the safe zone, you drop down on the growing grass, throwing your bow, spreading your legs and arms in a star shape, smiling broadly, laughing. Carl and Sophia mimic you by throwing themselves right next to you, you hear Carol get excited at the amount of space you have and your laughter grows louder. A figure blocks the sun in front of you, you open your eyes to discover Daryl looking down at you from above, head cocked to one side.

"Enjoyin' a sunny day, Majesty?" he jokes raising an eyebrow, stretching a hand toward you.

"You're not going to depress me, not today, Dixon." You joke with him, but accept his hand and let him lift you up. "It's a huge place."

"And it's all ours...come on, we still have to move the bodies out of the way."

You accept his orders, you're in too good a mood for some zombie bodies to dampen your spirits. Together you pile up the bodies, bring the cars and the rest of your supplies into the same place, manage to unlock the main doors so you can close the corridor and the door to the courtyard. Again you have that feeling of calm surrounding you. It is true that from afar you can still hear the panting and grunting of the rest of the Walkers in the place, but Rick already seems to be looking for a solution for that. 

"We'll take different shifts on watch tonight." Rick says as you leave the cars and everything ready to set up the small camp. 

"I'll take the first shift tonight." Daryl says. "The rest of ya can rest."

"You need rest too." Carol tells him in a soft tone and you watch their interaction curiously.

Daryl and Carol are forging a bond, you can feel it, something between them is starting to appear and you smile once again. You're glad, he told you he missed your sister, that it hurt, but you also think Daryl has a right to feel something for someone new. Not to hold on to a memory. If he's chosen Carol, you're happy for them, because you like the couple they make and Sophia, though respectfully, is curious about the archer.

"You look very happy." Beth comments and you smile again.

"Yeah, something tells me we're starting a new life, don't you think? Looks like things are finally going to change..." You shrug feeling your heart hammer hard in your rib cage.

"Uhm, yeah, I guess..." She smiles a little too.

"You'll see how things get better." You want to cheer her up again and you hug her.

Night falls, but you are no longer afraid, the group prepare a fire, with what you still have left and have found, you prepare everything, divide the rations, giving the biggest ration to Lori, for her baby. You all are enjoying a quiet night, when you see Carol walk away from the group to the bus where Daryl is standing guard. A new smile breaks out on your face as you see her carrying a bowl of food for him. It's cute and cuddly, from your distance you see them talking, they seem to be joking, Daryl massages her shoulder, she has used one of the rifles to stop several Walkers, she looks exhausted, but holds on. You look away to give them privacy returning your focus to the group, Beth breaks into song and it warms your heart, Rick returns from inspecting the fence once more, Daryl and Carol appear shortly after.

Daryl walks over to you, sits down next to you and hands you his poncho, you look at him confused, but he just shakes his shoulders, like so many other times and pulls it over your head and you settle under the thick, warm fabric, looking up at him gratefully as he closes his leather jacket to keep his own warmth in.

"It's still gonna be cold tonight, and the fire might not hold much. I dunno where ya left yer damn jacket..."

"I lost it on purpose so you'd give me this." You joke and he rolls his eyes.

"I figured as much." He squeezes your shoulder and leans you against him. "Try to sleep."

"I can't, my shift on watch starts now." You laugh and let go of him slowly, getting up. "But I'm taking this with me." You wink at him pressing the poncho against you and grab the bow before heading towards the bus.

The night is quiet, dark, you've never noticed how dense it could be without all the light pollution, you like it, it's beautiful in its own way and the sky is covered with stars, even the moon seems bigger.

"Have ya fallen asleep already?" Daryl's voice startles you for a moment and you see him climb onto the roof of the bus where you are.

"What are you doing here?" you ask with a frown. "Don't you know what sleep means?"

"Nope. Ya?"

"It's my turn, I don't need to sleep."

"We all need sleep... What do y'think of Rick's plan?"

"Risky, but if like he says we can get our hands on one of those blocks, with supplies, infirmary even some shower... that would be wonderful. Especially the shower thing." You hear Daryl snort in amusement.

"I've smelled worse, y'ain't that bad." He taunts you and you open your mouth wide, smacking him on the arm.

"I can't say the same for you! How do you do it? You rub dead squirrels all over yourself?"

"It's the special essence of the hunter."

You both laugh loudly as you wrinkle your nose in a gesture of complete disgust getting him to laugh louder, even for you it's impressive to hear him laugh like that.

"I've seen your... your thing with Carol."

"My thing with Carol? I dun have a thing with Carol, what are ya talkin' about?"

You smile, but shake your head without saying anything, leaving Daryl more confused if possible. He appreciates Carol, she's becoming a good friend, he feels safe talking to her, plus she also seems to be more confident talking to him than others in the group. But that doesn't mean they have something, maybe they do, since when did he feel so lost in this? Thinking back your sister was always the one who took the reins, since they were eight years old, but he thought he had learned to read how it all worked.

Maybe he's wrong.

He watches you silently, distracted, watching the sky with a small smile, always holding on to your bow, something that always gives you stability. Your knife and gun are in your belt, Daryl doesn't remember a single time you've used that gun, but you always carry it with you as plan C. He notices you've changed your hair, now you wear it loose, holding just a few strands at the back of your head, some strands moving in the soft night breeze, messing it up, crossing in front of your eyes. Daryl licks his lips and reaches over to tuck that unruly lock behind your ear. You don't pull away, it's not the first such gesture Daryl has had with you, he's always been a person who avoids contact except with people he feels confident with, you learned that many years ago. You look at him and smile, thankful that he is there with you, that you have talked things out and now things are moving at a good pace again. The months you've spent away, going back and forth has given you the time to talk and catch up on your lives and everything in general. You know it's not the same, but you feel that the tension that was between you at the first meeting, as if you were strangers, is gone.

"Seriously, what do ya mean with Carol?" 

"Never mind, come on, go get some sleep. You need it." You urge him, he doesn't seem to want to leave, but in the end he leaves you alone on the roof of the bus.

**********************

When the sun rises again, you all get going, grab the last of your leftovers and put Rick's plan into action. The kids with Carol, Lori, Beth and Hershel stay on one side of the fence to get the attention of the dead again, so you can get inside, you form a huddle, no one separates, backs together so you have all flanks covered. You stay a little behind, shoot some arrows, Daryl does the same when you have to reload, you cover his back, when he has to reload the crossbow. Without many, but between all of you you clean the courtyard fast, you are approaching the back where there is another group, but you can close the door and think about what to do with them later.

"Watch out!" You warn them as several Police Walkers appear, wearing special equipment.

Arrows are no good for them, they bounce off helmets and bulletproof vests, but Maggie manages to find a hole under one of the helmets and you all do the same.

It's an anxious few minutes, but you finally manage to clear the whole area you had planned according to Rick.

"We'll check that the block is secure and move on."

"If ya come with us ya'll have to use yer gun." Daryl tells you as you prepare to enter through the dark corridors.

"I can use my bow."

"It'll be darker, and there won't be as much room to reload, y'know that." 

"Then I'll use my knife."

"That's more dangerous..."

"Daryl..."

"We could use more people, now is not the time to argue about that, we need to secure as much of the perimeter as possible." Interferes Rick in your discussion.

"I'll use the knife." You insist and join the group.

"God, yer stubborn."

"We already have something in common." You joke putting yourself next to Maggie who also goes with you.

You use the knife, a lot to tell the truth, you have been caught in a mousetrap, the dead have started to appear everywhere, cornering you, forcing you to back up and look for an alternative way out until Hershel has been bitten in the leg, of course you don't leave him there, as you make your way you reach another wide room and close the doors at full speed. Rick shouts your name. You run up to him, holding Hershel while the sheriff cuts off his leg to prevent the infection from spreading. It's a drastic measure, more so in that situation, but neither of you want to lose the man. You take off your jacket and quickly cover the leg to stop the bleeding, Hershel is knocked unconscious from the pain, but that's not the worst of it. When you look up you discover that there are several prisoners locked up there, looking at you with surprise and confusion.

"Open the door!" shouts Rick, you go ahead, arranging one of the beds in the cell before they enter with Hershel in your arms.

"Lay him down here!" you shout also kneeling down to uncover the leg and take care of it. "We need to stop the bleeding, find something to burn the wound... we need bandages, alcohol... "You start to list.

"We haven't found the infirmary, now we have another problem outside."

"I'll try to clean him up as best I can, but we need to find it now. Carol, Lori, help me." You ask them and the three of you stay in the cell taking care of Hershel.

Things with the prisoners remain tense, they are not willing to leave the place, but you don't trust them to stay with you either. Rick tries to make a deal with them, half the rations for you and half for them, they will have to find another block to live in and not try to go to yours at any time. But you are busy, you have gone with Carl in search of the infirmary, you can't wait for them to decide what to do with the rest of the ward, Hershel needs immediate help.

"Stay close to me." You say to Carl, tightening your bow in search of any dangerous movement or noise. Carl moves to your side, walking slowly right behind you.

All the corridors are dark, in this part of the corridor there are isolation cells, luckily the doors are locked, if there is any threat, you won't be able to get out on your own. You advance down the corridor finding a small library and at the end of the same corridor, the infirmary. You sigh in relief, patting Carl's head.

"Let's grab everything we can and head back to the cell."

"Okay." He nods and tries to go in, but you stop him.

"Wait, I'll go in first, in case there's a threat." You warn him by opening the door to the infirmary and give a few knocks.

You hear gasps inside, something stirs on the gurney and from behind a bulkhead a nurse emerges in a consumed state. You quickly load the bow and shoot the woman in the head, Carl stirs behind you and peers over the gurney, shooting the guy lying there.

"Carl!" you whisper his name. "I told you to wait!" You scold him between whispers so as not to draw any more attention to yourself.

"He's on the stretcher strapped down, he can't do anything." He defends himself and you growl with a frown.

"I don't care, you came here without telling your mother, if anything happens to you..."

"I know how to defend myself, I'm not a child." He snorts angrily.

"Stop arguing; let's get everything we can and go back to the cell with Hershel. Come on."

Between the two of you you fill the bag with everything you need, some suturing tools and get back as fast as you can to the cell where Lori and Carol are still keeping an eye on Hershel who is still unconscious.

"We're here." You say opening the bag again to take out some bandages and the disinfectant.

"Where did you guys get all that stuff?" Lori looks at you in surprise.

"We went to the infirmary." Carl smiles proudly.

"You went to the infirmary?" Lori asks and then looks at you. "You took him with you without telling me?"

"I'm sorry, Lori, I didn't..."

"Are you not aware of what just happened to Hershel! How dare you put my son in danger?"

"She didn't put me in danger!" interjects Carl looking at his mother angrily. "I decided to go!"

"Carl, listen to me..." Lori tries to reason with him.

"Leave me alone! I'm not a kid anymore!" He yells again and storms out of the cell.

"You go with him, I'll stay with Carol taking care of Hershel." You tell Lori, she seems hesitant, but gets up and leaves you two alone.

"Are you okay?" Carol asks you as you continue to examine the leg of the man who is still unconscious.

"Yes, she's right, I should have told Carl to go back to the cells, I shouldn't have let him come with me. It's normal for her to be angry." You shrug, carefully stitching up some parts of the stump to make it easier for it to heal.

"Kids aren't kids anymore, we can't leave them out, they like being part of this."

"I know, but they are not my children, I can't make certain decisions." Carol rubs your back trying to give you some encouragement, but you're not down, just worried about Hershel coming out of this.

****************

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To be Continued...

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Hope you liked it!!

See you in the next chapters!

Taglist: @green-eyedladywrites @minervadashwood @livingdeadblondequeen @bringinsexybackk69

[potatoesandsunshine]

ok for the benefit of everyone i am putting my ttpd thoughts under the cut bc i had a lot of them. i did listen to the album and i had a fun time writing my opinions as i went! i haven't done any of the extra songs yet but i probably will tomorrow.

overall thoughts: i like this album pretty well! definitely more to my taste than midnights. i'm not instantly in love with it, but i will listen to at least some of the songs a lot and i'll give the whole thing a few more chances to grow on me. kind of a 7/10 for me personally - i'm not sold on songs as vehicles for Lore, i need to think it's a good song to listen to if i'm going to like it. i wanted more differences in tempo or dynamics throughout; at times songs felt a little same-y. anyway, my first impressions song by song!

Fortnight: honestly i just don't love the word fortnight there are too many T's in it. overall 7/10. i like it but i want a tempo change or something.

TTPD: the lyrics... babe. but at least she figured out how to say fuck like a normal person. "Gonna troll you" is also a lot. 5/10 doesn't hugely do it for me, would skip.

MBOBHFT: like this one more. she's doing that thing she does where there are more words crammed into the verse than she needs but the chorus really does it for me. 7.5/10

Down Bad: i like the dreamy vibes. weirdly reminds me of another song? specifically fuck it if i can't have him; my brain is itching. anyway 7/10? WAIT if i can't have you kelly clarkson. (not totally convinced that was it. still can't place it)

So Long, London: wish it had instruments? interesting cadence, reminds me of Lana a little. i wish she didn't use so many modifiers but it's a decent song 7/10

BDILH: y'know i like the message. she's right fuck swifties. we're handshake about this. this one is pretty good! 7.5/10. too long though. has the staying power of like a 4 min song (i think everyone was so extremely weird about this situation and it makes sense that she thinks so too)

FOTS: again i just want less synths. i like the chorus a lot actually. kinda over how she uses American. wait what's happening to this song. solid 7/10

Florida!!!: Florence!!! this one was a guaranteed hit for me. fav so far for sure. 9/10 going on the playlist (the no-skip tswift playlist)

Guilty as Sin?: starting to feel a little samey! not a ton of tempo differences on this album. wild to write a song about wanting this hard. feels kinda honest which is refreshing after midnights. not super my song but i don't hate it. 6.5/10 JESUS COMPARISON??? (this added a point. i feel like people throw out 'unhinged' about her when she's always struck me as an extremely precise planner but this was still a big moment for me. she should do more stuff like this. she should get weirder.)

WAoLOM?: stranger things ass imagery. i like the scream i want more variation in dynamics. pretty good song! i like it as a continuation of anti-hero. 8/10. on the playlist

ICFH(NRIC): we love talking about him and smoke i will be listening to colors. i wish it was faster! but i like it. 8/10

loml: again with the modifiers. nice lyrics in this one imo. kinda sounds like you're losing me. 8/10

ICDIWaBH: very mastermind intro! again w/ the thesaurus problem. thank you. thank you. faster song. 9/10 on the playlist. get a therapist fr girl

TSMWEL: she said you get one fast song. piano!!! honestly i like the way it builds and i like the paranoia. again, feels honest. 7.5/10

The Alchemy: i like it! reminds me of the archer + willow. god she loves a sports metaphor. i will listen to this more. 8.5/10

Clara Bow: kinda feels like an Olivia dig. been very interesting to see the progression of The Lucky One -> here. can't pretend you're not the establishment. 7/10

and just for fun - here it is in the glitter gel pen :P i had fun with this! i'll probably do it for the other tracks too - it was like pretending to be a reaction channel

[nazmazh]

Okay, so I'm firmly on the side of fantasy worlds that just have all the various races/species of sapient beings fully acknowledging each other's personhood and living amongst each other without it being a whole big deal (and in this, that doesn't mean all areas have to be fully heterogeneous - Regional/ethnic origins and communities still exist within the most pluralistic of societies, after all).

But one thing I am an absolutely huge fan of, if the world is much more divided into nations that are primarily one race or another, or if there are some races considered "Demi-Human"/"Beastman"/whatever the term used in-story is - If this is the state of the world, I absolutely *fucking* love when there's just one inexplicable "normally-considered monsters" race that is without question fully considered normal amongst the standard fantasy roster of Humans, Elves, Dwarves, Halflings, Gnomes, etc.

I think my favourite race that gets this treatment is ogres.

Like instead of horrible man-eating monsters, they're just big guys, hanging around. They might still have the "not-overly-intellectual" stereotypical trait, but it's not treated with the same malice as when they're bog-standard big mooks/monsters.

And, yes, of course the example that springs to mind most recently is Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in Dungeon.

Like, on first pass, I just figured Tade was like Izutsumi - A beastkin taken in by Shuro/Toshiro's family and trained as a retainer because they were willing to look past at least some of their prejudices (y'know - Keeping Demi-Humans as sort-of-pets/sort-of-indentured-servants. How noble of them).

And it would have been easy enough to just do it this way. I don't think any other Ogres are mentioned at all, let alone seen.

It was only in reading the supplemental materials that I saw that not only are Ogres not thought of as monstrous/beasts - They're fully considered Human - One of the short-lived races alongside Tallmen and Half-Foots.

[For the unfamiliar, the setting uses "Human" to refer to any sapient non-monster/non-beast race. "Tallmen" is their name for regular humans as we know them, and Elves, Dwarves, Half-Foots (their term for Halflings), Gnomes, and yes Ogres/Oni, are the Human races].

The extra materials detail how Ogres are rare, scattered as a people, and their numbers are further dwindling over time. But as far as I can tell, all the other Human races view them largely with sympathy and respect. And I love that sort of setup for Ogres here.

Another setting that had Ogres as otherwise somewhat-normal presences in Human lands, surprisingly enough, was Warhammer Fantasy. At least, it sort of did back when I played in high school, which was like, 20 years ago, so I'm not sure how the lore has changed since then. But, I remember back when there were stirrings of a Warhammer video game - An MMO, in the vein of WoW, iirc - The rumours were that the PC would be expressly an Imperial citizen, from one of 4 races - Human, Dwarf [I'm not 100% on them, but they make the most sense], Halfling, or Ogre.

And that was where I looked up the lore on Halflings and Ogres in Warhammer - To the best of my recollection, Halflings lived in a Shire-but-with-the-serial-numbers-filed-off vassal province within the Empire's borders. They generally weren't really represented in the playable units for the tabletop game (I think there may have been like one Dogs of War/Mercenaries company of archers? Maybe?), but in-lore they sent troops to Imperial causes on the occasions they were called upon, just like any other loyal province.

Ogres were mentioned as rare, but not wholly-unwelcome residents of the Empire. Sure, there were still many that joined up with Greenskin armies - But it's not like there weren't also Human raiders out there. I did actually have the one Dogs of War Ogre unit, myself. And yes, they were decked out in kinda-barbarian-looking armour and weapons - But consider that they were expressly a mercenary unit, the same as any other that conducted business in the Warhammer world - Not just dumb brutes.

Of course, roughly around the time I started drifting away from Warhammer, the Ogre Kingdoms actually became their own fully-playable faction - Not just a Greenskins/Orc + Goblin or Chaos offshoot - But a fully-fledged choice for an army on their own. They were an interesting addition to the game in terms of having base infantry/etc. that are expressly bigger and stronger than the basic units of every other race - Which is of course considered in the point-buy system for army building.

Interestingly enough, rather than being evil, or even evil-inclined, they are expressly neutral, in the "I only look out for my well-being" flavour. Sure, they're still portrayed here as brutish barbarians to an extent, but the fact that they're not just lumped in with the expressly evil races is definitely a choice that stands out compared to many fantasy worlds. I mean, Warhammer is expressly a crapsack world, and all races succumb to "grim and dark" flavouring in terms of what their roles are. They're again, not overly-intellectual, but understand business dealings quite well, and at least capable of being fully literate with regards to other races' writing. They're flavoured, somewhat, as the various peoples around the Silk Road in western China/Central Asia during the Classical-Renaissance eras - They're perfectly willing to trade in regular wares, not just warfare. They even have Ogres who expressly adopt cultural norms of various nations they serve as mercenaries in (though, that might largely be an excuse to have units that are essentially Ogre-in-costume - Which, hey, a fun concept is a fun concept)

The last one that came to my mind as I was sitting here writing was a race that's not expressly named as Ogres, but shares some traits and role with them in their setting, but are also very different than stereotypical big Monster-Races: The Qunari of Dragon Age - Specifically the race of horned giants that first developed and adopted the philosophy of the Qun - Qunari refers to any follower of the religion, regardless of race. That race's true name has apparently been lost to the ages, but might be known as "Kossith", which again was a reference to a philosophy they had followed, or "Vashoth"/"Tal-Vashoth" - But that's their name for those who were either born outside their religion or expressly renounced/rejected it. There's also the derogatory "Ox-Men" name that some Humans will call them by. But for sake of ease, I'm just gonna stick with "Qunari" to mean this race from here-on. And yes, "Ogre" is the name given to the darkspawn that are born from corrupted Qunari - But that kind of serves to reinforce what I'm saying about them fulfilling that kind of traditional "Civilized Ogre" role, here.

Now, unless the previous couple of examples, the Qunari are about the furthest thing from a vaguely-characterized rabble of barbarians or mysterious dying race. The Qunari have a vast empire north of the main setting region of Thedas - That, and they specifically have a highly organized philosophy/religion that's not just insular - In fact, they zealously spread it to all races, and any who become part of the religion/society are full members of their society - They may be used tactically, but they're no less members.

And I do mean "used" - The Qun philosophy is one of realism (they eschew, and indeed, by-and-large hate magic) and practicality/purpose. Children are not raised by their birth parents and romantic relationships are not permitted - There should be no strong familial ties that would supersede duty. Mating is determined by the priestess class, to facilitate ideal pairings (and prevent potential incest, since blood ties are not known by individual Qunari). Societal roles are clearly delineated for men and women, and Qunari personal names tend to be descriptors/titles rather than a true "name", as we'd recognize them.

While they remain a Proud Warrior Race, and quite martially adept in the vein of other Ogre-type races in fiction, it might be more accurate to describe them as a Proud *Soldier* Race [Much like the Charr in the Guild Wars universe - They're an interesting playing-with of fantasy races tropes unto themselves, but a discussion for another time] - They're highly trained to fight as units, not individuals. They're among the best mariners in Thedas, with distinct ships that lean into their technological prowess. The Qunari of Par Vollen are indeed Imperial conquerors, rather than horde-like raiders or Noble Savages, as many Ogre portrayals fall into. And they're not just a faceless enemy either - They're a full-fledged nation-state that must be treated with, the same as any other. In fact, I'd say Par Vollen/the Qunari fulfills a role that would otherwise almost exclusively be a Human Empire's role in most other fantasy works.

Heck, they apparently have halted outright invasion of the other nations, because they believe the death toll and suffering of civilians would be unacceptable - A huge waste of resources.

Like I say - Possibly the most unique take on an Ogrish race in mainstream fantasy works. And - Bonus points for being fully-playable in Inquisition.

Anyway, within the other nations of Thedas, yes, the Qunari stick out a bit, but they're generally not treated like if a Darkspawn had just rocked up into town. They're a known people - One that happens to more likely be an enemy or rival than not - But they're not monsters.

So, yes, as a whole, I tend to think that the trend of moving towards "All races contain multitudes. No one race is fully good or evil, and race does not predict morality-inclinations in that objective sense." is fantastic and creates so much more opportunities for storytelling. If an "always chaotic evil" enemy is needed, hivemind-creatures, undead, or extraplanar/alien monsters work better for this, while letting enemy armies of sapient races otherwise still be capable of reason and not being irredeemably evil cannon fodder for protagonists to chew through without even the slightest tinge of guilt.

But I admit that if you feel that your setting needs to have only a certain subset of races established as sapient be "good"/"not evil/monstrous" - Either truly, or just in how society is organized, I'll be interested in seeing how that distinction is made. And if it's just traditionally-pretty / very Human-like races that get a pass, that's not only rather shallow and uncreative, but also just plain boring anymore. If you throw in like, just 1 or maybe 2 traditionally "monstrous" races as being totally normal members of society, it makes it much more fascinating to examine - What prejudices are at play if it's not just "looks mostly like us" that grants personhood in your world? Ogres, as I've mentioned, have been one race that this seems to be recurring with, and seems to be done very well/interestingly at that a lot of the time.

You could explore some interesting space playing around with this idea too - For instance, what if Hobgoblins in the D&D sense were totally accepted as a race on equal footing, but neither Goblins (or other Goblinoid/Goblinkin) or Orcs (similar tendency for a reputation towards violence) were? Is it that Hobgoblins formed a proper nation-state historically, while Goblins and Orcs tended to be tribal and largely nomadic? Does this prejudice carry over to, say, Humans or Elves that are nomadic herdsman and/or warrior tribes, then?

[allthefakepeople]

was the archer written about kit tanthalos? sources say "yes" (i am sources)

hi everyone

the first time i listened to the archer by taylor swift after i watched willow i blacked out and realized how it was literally written for Kit Tanthalos of Tir Asleen and after some coaxing from @spybrarian and @aro-of-artemis i have decided to share my thoughts with you all... warning: this will be long Combat, I'm ready for combat

(kit is always ready for a fight, whether that be physical or with words. she never feels like she can let her guard down)

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

(she pretends she's not as combative as she is sometimes, but she just comes across as the opposite)

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

(she has so many things she wants to say to so many people. jade, airk, sorsha, and mostly madmartigan)

Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone

(just how she doesn't have many other connections besides jade and how that must've still been lonely sometimes. also in ep 2 when she wanted to keep moving to keep searching for airk but everyone else wanted to stop and look around for elora, including jade who i'm sure she was trusting to understand how important this is for her)

I never grew up, it's getting so old

("you've just proven to everyone in that room exactly what you are. a petulant child who needs to grow up" but also kit definitely gets tired of herself sometimes)

Help me hold onto you

(she just needs someone to hold on to, she hopes it's jade. she needs help remaining vulnerable)

I've been the archer I've been the prey Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

(just this whole chorus is so much of kit's internal conflict. like she's been the one causing the pain to others, while also being the one who has been hurt. she has this mentality that she's better than others, but is that just a shield to hide behind when she's actually incredibly vulnerable)

Dark side, I search for your dark side

(there are definitely times where she wonders 1. why jade sticks around for her and 2. hopes that the reason she does, is because she also has the anger inside her that kit does. she definitely sees parts of that fire in jade and it's probably one of the reasons she was drawn to her when she was a kid. she has to find that "dark side" to encourage herself that she's not actually a bad person deep down)

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

(she can't look at herself without seeing the reflection of her father and her mother... she's not sure which part she hates more)

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke

(i'm just obsessed with the way this describes anxiety, but also this reminds me of kit at the end of ep 6 when she's truly at her low point and she goes off on elora before falling through the crystal)

And all of my heroes die all alone

(i mean... kind of self-explanatory but still... just kit and her hero worship of madmartigan)

'Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me? They see right through They see right through me I see right through me I see right through me

(just how no one sees kit for who she truly is, not even jade, until ep 7. like they all think she's out of her depth, no one is willing to get close enough to understand every little piece of her, jade has gotten the closest but even she falls short sometimes "can you see right through me?" and that tears kit apart sometimes. especially after ep 3 because she was so sure that she and jade had an understanding and it was all blown up by the truth)

All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again

(ep 6 kit core. again, just how she's pulled to pieces by everything up till this point and nothing could really bring her back to who she was before she left tir asleen, maybe even since her father left.)

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

(having to fight her own twin brother, even if he's potentially "better" now, was incredibly taxing for kit)

Who could stay? You could stay

(by the end, jade and kit have come to a different understanding about each other and "where the princess goes, i go" has a new meaning. and jade will stay if kit only asks... would kit ask though?)

basically my conclusion is somehow taylor swift wrote a song specifically for Kit Tanthalos before she was even a concept so... if you have any other contributions about this or just want to scream (or whisper or talk) about me about willow/kit/tanthamore/anything else my askbox/dms are always open

[365days365movies]

Action January II: Captain Blood (1935)

Part One: By the Sword

Fun fact about me: I am a non-classically trained fencer.

By which I mean I went through formal training as a child (starting at 6 or 7), then continued it sporadically through my youth and college. Kept up with it a little after college, but I'm no longer a fencer. Still, it was a pretty prominent part of my life, and one of the more bougie facts about me (of which there are admittedly many; I am, for example, struggling to not type bourgeoisie). I look back on it fondly, but it's not for modern-day me.

Still, I've always had a soft spot for swashbucklers, especially in film. Sure, traditional épée fencing doesn't resemble your typical swashbuckling film fight, even a little bit. Usually, épée with the fencing gear is put in a movie or TV show to demonstrate that the character or establishment practicing it is high-class or rich. Instead, I suppose cinematic swashbuckling is more similar to sabre fencing, which has a larger target zone than épée fencing, and usually involves grander movements...but even then, I've never seen any sabre fencer swing from ropes and rafters like, well...

Zorro is a character that I've talked about before on this blog. I've also covered the swashbuckler briefly in that post, but let's get a little more comprehensive this time, shall we? Zorro is maybe the prototypical swashbuckler character, starting with Douglas Fairbanks' epic film The Mark of Zorro in 1920! Yeah, old as hell. He was daring, dashing, and debonair; dressed in black and fighting for justice to get the girl and save the day, armed with only a sword and his wit! The prototypical action hero! Throw in some great choreography and epic music, and voila! A swashbuckler! To put one together properly, we need:

A dashing hero, with devil-may-care attitude that fights for the moral right. If we're talking in DnD terms, you can call this person chaotic good alignment, usually. Swinging from the rafters, a sword in hand and often a smile on their face. And, of course, a romantic aim and goal.

Swordfighting. Kind of critical to the genre. Swashbucklers are films that use swordfights as the driver for the plot. While not every action sequence may involve a sword fight, the main hero is always either armed with their sword or looking for it. And then it's time for the climax, you better believe we've got a big-ass swordfight on our hands. The villain of the piece, at least one of them, should also have a sword in hand.

A sweeping score is a very typical piece of these films. Whether in the past or present, swashbuckling can't be done without an iconic leitmotif for the hero, and battle music times to the clashes of steel. Usually throw some brass or strings in there, and you have a swashbuckling score.

Now, of course, there are a lot of swashbucklers out there based on those definitions, and...yeah, there are a lot of swashbuckler films! While The Mark of Zorro is typically called the first swashbuckler, it's not the first film to involve narrative swordplay by any means. The Count of Monte Cristo (1908) is probably the first of those, but there are others like The Prisoner of Zenda or Kidnapped. You may also notice that some of the classic swashbucklers are based on classic literature, like those above, and like Cyrano de Bergerac, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Man in the Iron Mask, and the most prominent of these...

It's funny, for a character best known for his archery skills, Robin Hood gets into a lot of swordfights. Some of the most iconic filmed swordfights come from the emerald archer from Sherwood, and for good reason! There have been countless adaptations of the original stories, which are crazy cinematic, and they all take place in medieval England, during a time period where swords were predominant weaponry. Combine that with the fact that Robin Hood is, in many retellings, a nobleman who would've been trained in fencing, and you have a natural swashbuckler setup!

And honestly, Robin Hood is sort of the perfect swashbuckler. A morally good hero fighting against the evil establishment, for his friends, contrymen, and the woman he loves. Epic music, daring setpieces, classic fights, a lot of swingin' rafters...yeah, it's perfect. And again, one day, I'll talk about The Adventures of Robin Hood from 1938; one of my favorite action films, and my favorite adaptation of Robin Hood for sure.

But there's another type of swashbuckler that's just as iconic as those listed above, also involving a setting conducive to sword-based action, but often with heroes that are...a little more morally grey.

Pirate films are essentially a subgenre of the swashbuckler (yes, a subgenre of a subgenre of a subgenre), focusing on high-seas action rather than fighting in a hall or castle. The pirate film is a curious beast, appearing in film history in sporadic bursts, with no real period to call its own. They were popular from the '30s through the mid-'60s, had a tiny boom in the '80s, got badly nuked in the '90s, and then had another tiny boom in the '00s with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. They're always around, but never the first genre you'd think of when you think of action films.

Still, pirate films have an iconic feel to them all their own. The wind in your hair, the daring sword fights against a surly knave or an overzealous government stooge, depending on the nature of your morally dubious hero. Hell, maybe the hero has resorted to piracy after being wronged or lost at sea, and we're rooting for him and his lost honor. Either way, he's got an open shirt and a sword in his hand, and his crew are there to back him up (or betray him; again, depends on the narrative). You know a pirate film when you see one. And that's where I'm headed today: to the open seas with Captain Blood, starring an iconic action star of the 1930s and '40s. In fact, he's so iconic, almost every one of the above GIFs includes him.

Errol Flynn is undoubtedly a major film figure of his day. He's also got a fascinating and...sometimes troubling personal history, putting him up there with some of the great Australian film actors in cinema. But as much as I'd like to talk about Errol Flynn (and I probably will later), I'd like to finally jump into the film that made him famous: Captain Blood, a 1935 film directed by Michael Curtiz, another interesting figure with some...interesting history with Flynn. Again, more later.

Flynn was an unknown before this role, and immediately became an audience and studio favorite, essentially succeeding Douglas Fairbanks as a films and action star. Only 26 at time this film came out, Captain Blood was the beginning of an often turbulent career for Flynn, who would die at only 50 years old. Again, more on him later. And so, without further ado...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

It's 1685 in England, and there's a rebellion happening! Known as the Monmouth Rebellion, it involved the deposition of James II, after succeeding his brother as king of England, which was contested by Parliament and Protestants, as James II was a Catholic king. Anyway, during the rebellion, Doctor Peter Blood (Errol Flynn) is summoned to aid a friend injured in a skirmish. A retired adventurer and swashbuckler in his own right, Blood is determined not to re-enter the...fight...

Is this Commando? Like, where a retired hero is forced to come back to fight for his country, and won't come back until a personal tragedy or offense is done to him? You know, like Commando? Just calling it now, before it happens.

As Blood is helping his friend, he's taken away and sentenced by Judge George Jeffreys (Leonard Mudie), who accuses him of being a liar and traitor to the crown, despite his complete innocence. Imprisoned and set amongst a group of similar prisoners for months, he attempts to defend himself on the stand, only to condemn himself even further beneath a biased kangaroo court. And for the record, Flynn immediately proves why he's so beloved at this time. He's an excellent actor in this scene, and I immediately sympathize with Peter Blood.

Meanwhile, King James II (Vernon Steele) is convinced by his advisor to send the convicts to the West Indies as slaves, as actual slaves are too expensive, and these guys are free of cost. So, yeah, British monarchy not looking too great. In any case, we set to sea for the first time, in the belly of an unrealistically humane slave ship. In Blood's words, the King was "granted their lives in exchange of an uncertain death". And with that, Blood and the convicts are sent o Port Royal, in Jamaica.

The convicts are set for sale (hate it), and most of them are sold to Colonel Bishop (Lionel Atwill) and his niece, Arabella (Olivia de Havilland). When she observes Blood's rebellious nature at being inspected like cattle, she decides to keep him from working in the mines on her own spoiled whims. Blood's not a fan, and the two immediately clash. Which, obviously, means they're gonna fall in love by the end. Come on, we know how this goes.

Blood's sent to work on the plantation with Bishop's other slaves, on a grinding mill that loves like it's ripped out of Conan the Barbarian. We see the indignity of slavery through...white slaves. Yeah, trying not to think about it, since this is a thing that happened, but it's tough. Anyway, our traitors are taught a lesson about treason, as an escapee is branded on his fucking face, and the prisoners all say how much they hate the fucking King. Great job, James, really fanning the flames of patriotism there.

Meanwhile, the uncaring and selfish governor, Steed (George Hassell) is complaining of gout, and is in need of a physician. Knowing of Blood's former profession, Arabella recommends him as Steed's physician, and is mostly elevated from the role of slavery, which seems...insanely easy. Irritatingly easy, even. But whatever; at least he hasn't forgotten his friends, his actual station, or the fact that Arabella bought him for 10 goddamn shillings! He's still understandably bitter about that.

However, he's in very good favor with the governor for relieving his gout, unlike the previous doctors Bronson (Hobart Cavanaugh) and Whacker (Donald Meek), who attempt to plot to get rid of the much more competent Blood. He puts them in their place, but begins a plot of his own. With the other slaves arrested for treason, he plans an escape attempt from Port Royal, with the help of friend (and the guy who got him in this mess to begin with, Jeremy Pitt (Ross Alexander). However, in the process, Colonel Bishop suspects some kind of plan, which is only circumvented with the help of Arabella. In the process, however, Pitt is captured and flogged for questioning.

While his friend is getting horribly whipped by the Colonel on the stockades, Blood and Arabella flirt (as expected), although a kiss from Blood is received poorly due to his status, leaving the encounter on a sour note. Peter goes back to care for the Governor before their escape that night, then finds Jeremy at the stockades and cares for him as well. He's caught by the Colonel showing mercy, and is about to share Jeremy's fate when a ship attacks the port.

This ship belongs to the Spanish, and the sailors aboard lay waste to the port. It's at this point that the slaves see an opportunity, and make their way to the ships. They take over the Spaniard's ship, and wait until the morning to take out the returning Spaniard captain and soldiers. With navigator Pitt and new gunner Henry Hagthorpe (Guy Kibbee), the new crew sets sale and escapes, under the purview of the new Captain Blood.

Colonel Bishop, like...like a fucking idiot, sails out on a rowboat to thank the men, not realizing it's his own slaves. And then, when he finds out, he still intends to keep them as slaves. THEY HAVE A SHIP, DUDE! You're fucked. Instead of killing him, which they consider, they toss him overboard, and Blood's crew sets sail for the Caribbean Sea, leaving Arabella behind. They abandon their citizenship, and officially become pirates.

The crew of Blood becomes famed and infamous across the seas, to the irritation of King James II himself. With Governor Steed having lost both money from the Spaniard assault, and being unable to reign in Blood in the first place, his appointment as Governor is given to Colonel Bishop, who swears to take care of Blood once and for all. Arabella is conflicted about this, but she's shipped off to England along with Governor Steed.

On Tortuga, Blood signs a deal with another captain, the French Levasseur (Basil Rathbone), and the two become partner pirates. Later on, Arabella finishes her extended holiday in England, traveling alongside Lord Willoughby (Henry Stephenson), who has been tasked to take out Captain Blood. On their journey, they see Levasseur's ship, which attacks them and takes the passengers hostage on a nearby island. They are soon joined by a surprised Peter Blood and his crew, who pretends not to know her.

Blood and Levasseur engage in an argument, as one of the articles of their contract was that no female prisoners would be taken. As a compromise, Blood pays for her ransom, both to save her and as payback for his purchase of her many years ago. This still enrages Levasseur, who wanted Arabella for himself, and he forgoes his honor to challenge Blood to a fencing duel. Fun fact, by the way: Basil Rathbone was an actual fencer, classically trained, and far better than anyone he ever fenced with on-screen, Flynn included. But, since he always played the role of a villain and cad, he was always forced to lose. And this fight is no exception.

Levasseur is killed by Blood...which is crazy, since he's Basil fucking Rathbone, and he was in this movie for maybe 5 minutes altogether as essentially a cameo, but...c'est la vie, et la mort. Arabella and Willoughby are brought on board, only for Arabella to angrily reject him. And yes, she's absolutely a goddamn hypocrite, but she's not fully unjustified. She puts Blood down as a beast like any other pirate (unfairly, of course), and Blood angrily rebukes her in turn. Even then, he plans to bring the two hostages back to Port Royal, where they are certain to die.

Willoughby and Arabella speak, where he convinces her that Blood's genuinely not a dick, and tells her that they're headed to Port Royal. At the same time, Blood's crew refuses to sail to Port Royal, officially acting in mutiny against Blood. And Blood...gracefully surrenders his command of the ship, admitting his affections for Arabella to be driving him against logic. And that ironically turns the crew back to Blood's command. I can't tell if that was a sign of their actual bond, or some straight gatekeeping-girlbossing-gaslighting from Blood, but...yeah, they're still going to Jamaica.

As they approach Port Royal, though, they find it being attacked by two French ships. Willoughby, finally being able to speak with Blood, informs him that France and England are at war. To their surprise, though, Governor Bishop isn't present, nor is the English fleet, since they're out chasing pirates. And so, the only ship to defend Port Royal against the French, is...well, Blood's.

It's then that Willoughby finally reveals his purpose for seeking Blood and his crew: the King has pardoned him. Obviously, they're not a fan of King James II given what he'd done to them, and refuse the offer. But then, Willoughby reveals the other political change: James II is out as King. With that knowledge, Blood and his men decide to fight for the English Navy, and for the new King William III.

Arabella is shuttled ashore, while the ship sails under a French flag to disguise themselves. They easily ambush the French ships attacking the Port, wrecking one and causing it to fucking explode. Honestly, it's pretty sick. The other ship mounts a harsher assault, and Blood's crew is forced to abandon ship. Instead, they simply take the French ship for themselves. And as the Captain swings over, you realize something: this is the prototypical pirate movie.

Yeah, OK, earlier films like The Black Pirate, as well as later ones like The Sea Hawk and Treasure Island, would be a major framework for pirate films in the future. But good goddamn, if this doesn't feel like a pirate movie, I don't know what does. The score is sweeping, the action is epic, and it's honestly just fun. And the most ironic thing is, this is happening at the point in the film when they aren't technically pirates anymore! Hilarious.

Anyway, Blood's crew wins the day for England, only for the Governor to finally return from his futile journey. Arabella, seeing Blood return and knowing her uncle's hatred of him, tries to warn him away while admitting her love to him. But to the surprise of her and her uncle, Bishop is officially deposed as Governor for abandoning his post in times of war to pursue his vendetta, even though he knew Willoughby was coming. He's at the mercy of the new Governor: Doctor Peter Blood. Honestly, it's funny as fuck. Blood bids him "Good morning, Uncle.", and the film comes to a close.

That's it for Captain Blood! Gonna do an old-fashioned review set-up and have a separate post for the Review! And that's because, while the review won't be terribly long...I would really like to talk about the man, the myth, the alcoholic legend himself, Errol Flynn.

See you in the Review!

[zydrateacademy]

First Impressions/Review - Horizon: Forbidden West

First, a tech issue. I had to apparently set the game to compatibility mode for Windows 8 in order for this game to function without crashing between ten minutes to an hour (or sometimes instantly) due to some memory leak error issue. Just wanted to mention that in case my review catches some Google searches.

Once again my review is roughly three years late, given I am playing the PC release. Some grander spoilers may already be known just through cultural osmosis, but I won't spend too much time talking about the story. It takes place somewhat immediately after the first game, within a few months. Aloy takes off almost immediately during the victory party from the first game as she's become privy to new information in short order: The terraforming system of the planet has gone haywire and the environment is becoming as deranged as the machines from the first game. It is Aloy's job to figure out why.

To wit, this game is very heavy on the "As You Know" ways of storytelling. "As you know' is in quoted verbatim by a character shortly after the prologue sequence. There's a lot of that as you explore dialog trees with your companions. I urge any players to just go ahead and play the first game. The general gameplay loop is very similar and beyond some janky face animations, Zero Dawn is a fine game on its own.

Meanwhile its sequel improves upon many aspects. Everything that worked, still works. The game is largely stealth-reliant as you hide in tall grass and snipe out some machine parts before they begin to notice you. Though many outfits in this game heavily rely on "lower health" statuses, a lot of them based around having half to thirty percent health which caters to folks that prefer the hack and slash melee. They'll do well here, with the right armor you will get a hefty dose of damage reduction. Frankly, I prefer to sneak around in the shadows and have half a machine's health half gone before they're even fully alerted. There's tricks for that as well, as the outfits in FW are significantly more nuanced. There's a late-game armor that adds more than one bonus to Concentration (slowing down time to give you a proper aim) and I have great joy sniping parts from the distance before a machine can turn towards me properly.

Speaking of equipment, that is expanded on greatly here. For good and for ill. It runs into the Sniper Elite issue of some sequels adding all manner of tools but other than laying down mines against vehicles, nothing really beats just sniping someone through a window. The same problem presents itself here. I still utilize the tripwire weapons to essentially protect myself from patrols as I begin my sniping spree, but the game introduces too many weapons that I haven't wasted much time trying to learn. We have some melee slicers that require timing to function. We get something that's essentially a machinegun (the projectiles are just wood instead), with a power move that lets you lay down the entire set of 30 shots within just a couple of seconds. In theory it's great damage but a large majority of machines seem to be far too agile for it to have been any use. Even the human enemies come with helmets you must snipe off first, making it impossible to go full stealth archer and pick off sentries before moving into the camps.

All these extra tools and nothing really compares to my trusty Hunter's Bow. Ammunition is cheap to produce, it aims quickly, has an ever-useful 2-3 arrow knock power, and does sufficient damage even on Hard difficulty. All in all, it just does what I need it to do and rarely find myself switching to any other weapon except to lay down some tripwires, and occasionally switching to the Sharpshooter bow for the very rare exception. Yet, I don't feel that it bloats the game too much as I'm sure many players will find some joy in trying to master the more fickle weaponry. And hey, they gave us six slots instead of four to encourage that very thing. So, kudos.

I needn't waste too much time on this fact but the game continues to be gorgeous. I'm an absolute sucker for weather conditions so all the rain, snow, and sandstorms throughout the game's various biomes just gives me a sense of comfort and immersion that I usually have to mod into my other open world games.

The map being dotted with icons is not the typical and tired Ubi-like fare. Most of the map icons are just sites for machines to assist you in your hunts when upgrading your gear, and generally just give you something to run into as you're traversing the world. You run into the occasional collection quest, like black boxes from Old World jets. They tend to lead to something tangible, like a new weapon, outfit, or some cosmetic face paint. It's usually something more concrete than "here's seven more old world watches to sell to a vendor".

Speaking of vendoring. There's a couple of aspects that I don't care fore, which kind of ties into the gear expansion. There's more on the ground to grab as there's a whole food mechanic I've yet to bother engaging with because I can't be bothered. I've picked up more peppers and basil than I care to say. Maybe it'll all be there for me in a NG+.

Secondly I'm getting rather tired of picking up watches and gold ingots out of treasure chests. It turns into something akin to busywork. Imagine if they just replaced all junk items with the game's main currency (metal shards), literally nothing would be lost in translation. It's just several extra buttons to press in a menu when you visit a town.

Still, I find the gameplay loop here comforting. I like running around and finding the Tallnecks to open my map up. I enjoy the very well paced power creep over time. I have eventually noticed that machines I used to be scared of in the first few hours, become barely a challenge at all a few hours later as their health drops halfway just because I shot off a couple of their tusks. So even with a goal in mind, I like veering off the path when I see a new machine icon because it inevitably has something I need to upgrade my weapon or outfit proper. Meeting new machines is intimidating but with the game's new 'job' system, you can make a custom quest and help you track where specific machines are, go get the items, and upgrade. It's a useful tool so you don't spend any time alt-tabbing, wondering where the hell a Clawstrider is. The game itself has a function to just tell you!

Sometimes I write reviews where it's two paragraphs of good followed by seven of bad with me just stating "the game is good though, trust me". That problem is not present here. I nitpick a bit about equipment I'm not familiar with and don't use and the ever-present annoyance of menu busywork when selling trash items. That's almost completely it in terms of nitpicks, as I continue to enjoy every other aspect of the game.

And if you liked the first, you will like this one as well.

[miasiegert]

CATS Suncoast Broadway Dinner Theatre - Hudson, FL (with Pics)

Thanks to Suncoast Broadway Dinner Theatre for renting our set and having us for the past two weeks in the Junkyard. It's always a delight working with Chaz, and we got to know an incredible cast and crew. I'm not sure how many hashtags I can use so I am going to include the cast list here for pics that arrive since all of you are so talented at Tumblr (the cast is so intrigued by Superfans, btw!)

We had many challenges with a dinner theatre because the stage is very small in order to accommodate tables. As well, actors serve patrons so I needed to design an outfit to protect the costumes and suspend disbelief. And from patron reactions, we've been told this is one of the best openings, if not the best opening, and the best show/costume the theatre has had to date and hoped we'd be back, which was very, very kind of them.

Pouncival, played by Isaiah Mayhew

Electra (u/s Bombalurina) played by Rachel Knowles (so sorry for the bad photo quality--she's stunning!)

Misto played by Kory Randles

Pounce, and these two randos, what losers. :P

Mungojerrie/Macavity split track, played by Andre Spathelf-Sanders and yeah, this jerk who keeps showing up. I adore the whole cast to bits truly but we're planning on cosplaying Green Lantern together and he was the first to get my "Archer" references in the make up classes. If it's ever of interest, I'm happy to sometime talk about my make up classes and what to do when there are "mistakes" with what I call the Bob Ross Method.

Demeter by Iraya Catalina is making an argument that maybe all Demeters need to be Filipino because she slays!

Jennyanydots and her incredibly supportive husband. She was one of the most delightful people to work with, hilarious, fun, loving, amazing hugs, and just a joy. I've never had a Jenny almost refuse to take the Gumbie suit off (which is a huge compliment). What a joy.

David was the make up designer for all of the designs except Bombalurina's, and I taught about 5-hours of make up classes.

The magic of an incredible LED screen came into play as there were cool effects, such as a first person POV of a cat going to the junkyard (bringing YOU into the show) and the sky changing with the hours of the day, the moon, everything. The lighting designer Dalton Hamilton was wonderful and provided the following photographs. All costumes designed/created by David and myself (The Costume Asylum/Siegert Creative):

I am going to try to get some rehearsal pics and one of the funniest bloopers ever but I hope this is a nice start. Happy Sunday, I'm happy to be home, but I miss these kitties so much already!

Apologies if I missed tagging anyone, y'all know I'm really trying with Tumblr very hard. Oh! Rhagan Carter (Rumpleteazer) is the Dance Captain! Knew I forgot something.

Also... is there a way I can add text when I add a bunch of pics at once to name the actors? I cannot for the life of me figure out how. I keep clicking in between photos and hit return and nothing!

Each passing day, I become more and more of that "how do you do fellow young people" meme, I swear.

If there's anything specific you'd like to know, feel free to ask or comments in general. Not sure how long it'll take to get back because I got 2 hours of sleep last night, flew in, and today is a "fuck it, let's order dominos" day. ... but... ordering dominos... is hard. moving is hard. falling down the stairs... easier than anticipated. 0/10 do not recommend.