#(none were close enough to joe)

[cementcornfield]

https://youtu.be/_dJi1ijSerQ?si=zN9RkHAFA9eL-tYU

I’ve watched this video an unhealthy amount of times 😅 But there’s so many cute moments! Also Ja’Marr is so adorable with his dog!!!

Yesssssss after the mic'd up videos, the overtime SZN videos were the first pieces of ja'marr-centered content i watched. so much gold in these.

i love ja'marr and his little pup 🥺. some ja'marr's dog related facts:

he got her when he was lonely during covid

sometimes she appears on his webcam during streams because she wants to play with him (and he always talks so softly to her 😭)

her name is Sweetie and on the I Am Athlete podcast he did, they asked him if he'd ever date Saweetie (the rapper) and he said something like "no, but that's the dog's name, that's cute"

[allurilove]

Yandere Stalker x you

Rated 18 + — mature short content !

Includes: Stalking, blood, fem reader, stealing, he’s weird as fuck, male masturbation, he’s infatuated with you.

*This fic is influenced by You—a great tv show btw. I’m trying to give him a joe goldberg vibe. I really thought of the weirdest and freakiest shit he could do… Here is part two! He is referred to as “your stalker” and this is purely fictional writing!*

Synopsis: Your stalker goes to extreme lengths to feel close to you. Nothing really phases him, and that includes your period blood.

What’s more dangerous than a man madly in love?

He stalked you to a coffee shop. He sat a couple tables away from you, and he ordered a random drink. He never really cared for the overpriced concoctions these baristas made, and he really was here for you. He watched your white straw turn into a different color when you sip on your drink, and he sighed happily as he thought you looked hot with your lips puckered.

Sure enough, every sip was like a punch to your bladder. You got up from your seat and you walked to the restroom.

Was this disgusting? He asked himself as his cheek hit the cold tile floor. He was currently hiding in the women’s bathroom, spying on you as you did your business. And to his elation, you were on your period. He watched as you pulled down your pants, and you sat down onto the toilet, his eyes honing in on the pad that lays on your panties. As you changed your sanitary pad and wrapped up the old one, you pulled your pants back up and walked out of the stall. His eyes following the sight of your shoes and you stopped at the trash can, he hears a faint noise, and then the sound of the water turning on.

When you finally left, he walked out of the stall he was hiding in, and he approached the trash can. He gently pushed the opening, and his arm traveled down inside to look for the pad you threw away. He prayed that all of the wet substances that he was feeling was just soggy paper towels.

He then feels a plastic film, and it was sort of short but thick in width, and he grabbed onto it. He pulled it out and he inspected the orange colored wrapper. He was curious since he didn’t have a uterus, and also didn’t know what it was like to have a period, and he then sniffed it.

It definitely smelled odd… It sort of tingled his senses, the aroma of metallic blood and the natural scent of your body was…. sort of triggering a deep rooted instinct inside him. But that didn’t stop him from stashing it away into his pocket. He quickly put his hood up and he walked out of the restroom.

He had to jog a bit to catch up with you, he saw you sharply turn the corner, and he almost panicked when he couldn’t see you anymore. The last time this had happened, a crowd swarmed him and he hasn’t seen you in months. For five hellish months he had to try to find you again. It certainly wasn’t easy to find someone that didn’t document every single moment of their life on the internet.

A year prior before he started to stalk you in person, he wanted to stalk you online. He was pretty sure everyone stalks their crush on their socials, he remembers seeing your name on the coffee cup you were holding, and he scrolled through endless usernames. He squinted his eyes and he tried to look at the tiny profile pictures.

None of them looked like you.

He couldn’t find your perfect face anywhere! He slammed his fists onto his desk, and his mind was racked with potential username ideas. Maybe you liked flowers? He started to name every single flower he knows, and he typed that with your name. He frowned when the page ended up empty, zero profiles showing up.

He soon found out you had zero social media presence.

He shoves his way through, bumping into seemingly everyone’s shoulder, and after handing out half hearted apologies…he finally saw you enter a store.

He looked up at the sign: “Rated: Adventurous,” it said. There was apparently a huge sale going on… whips and leashes half off… wait what?

He didn’t peg you to be the kinky type, but to be fair he didn’t know much about you. You keep your cards close and have a small knit of friends. He walked into a different aisle from you, trying to look normal by grabbing a random adult toy as he glanced at you. His eyes almost bulged out of their sockets as you held a ten inch dildo in your hands, jesus. He looked down at his own crotch, his cheeks burning red and he cleared his throat. He put away the leather mask in his hand, and he inched a bit closer to you when you walk to the cashier. He notes that you mostly pay in cash, rarely using your card, and he noticed how you barely look around your surroundings. You didn’t even look his way—even when he was standing right in front of you, you just brushed past him and walked out of the store.

Huh.

He stands a couple of feet behind you as you hailed a cab, he makes sure to take a good look at the driver, and he saw you get in and buckle up. It’s not safe in the city, and even cab drivers had partaken in dangerous and criminal activities. Just last week a driver kidnapped a couple and fled out of the state. If you were to disappear—he knows exactly who to blame.

He quickly ran to his car and he followed after you. Running a couple of red lights doesn’t hurt anybody— maybe his wallet— but it’s worth it if it means protecting you.

He felt like he could finally relax as you made it home safely. He is now sitting in his parked car, idly fiddling with his fingers as you walked up to your front door.

He hoped that when you were pleasuring yourself you were imagining a man like him. Because he thinks of you when his pants are down.

Night has fallen and he’s been parked outside of your house for hours. He liked that it was dark out, because when he stares into your lamp lit apartment- all he could see is you and everything else is blocked out. You’ve always been a little tease, and the outfits you wore were always a bit scantily clad. But even now… it was like you were purposefully trying to trigger a response from him. You were just standing there, your arms crossed, and dressed in just a robe.

Just a tiny peek of your ankles and calves sent chills down his body. His hands started to work to unbuckle his belt, his zipper becomes unzipped, and he pulled out his hardened cock.

He wished you would’ve flashed him right there and then. He wanted a glimpse of your tits, just to see if they sag or if they were perky, and to see if your nipples were pink or brown. He would want to hold them in his hands. He wonders if you are shaven down there, or perhaps you liked to grow a bush. He wonders if your blood continued to flow out of you, dripping down your leg for him to lick and lap up. Would you like that? For him to spread your legs and help soothe your cramps?

He wouldn’t mind to have his fingers turn red, to have his hands and mouth stained of your heavenly essence. He wouldn’t mind if you got frustrated that his fingers couldn’t reach the deepest part of you, and that you wanted him to use his dick to impale you. A little blood never hurt. His eyes rolled back, and the muscles in his arms tightening as they furiously worked hard to jerk him off.

“Shit baby, that feels so good…” He groaned, his back arching as he was teeming for his release. His imagination running wild with the thought of you coming to his car to pleasure him. “I’m close I’m close I’m close—“

He used his other hand to reach into his pocket and he fished out the used pad, his teeth ripping the plastic, and his nose digs into the cotton. He let out a loud moan, your scent bringing him comfort, and his cock twitched as he came all over. His cum dribbling down his shaft, and dripping onto his hand. He sighed, and he cleaned himself up. He kept a box of tissues in the glove box, he wiped himself down and he looked in the mirror. There was a bit of your blood on his nose and chin, his tongue swiping at the area and he savored the taste.

The orgasm was so good that it lulled him to sleep, his soft cock still in his palm, and he snored away.

[burrowdarling]

Always

Summary: After another tough loss in Week 5 to the Baltimore Ravens, Joe wants nothing more than to come home to you.

Pairings: Joe Burrow x gf!reader

Warnings: none

Note: Hi! This is my first time writing in a while so this may be a little rough. After the loss yesterday I want nothing more than to hold this man.

Word Count: 890

Check out my Masterlist here!

You were on the edge of your seat watching from home as each team was trading touchdowns back and forth for the entire game, sending the game into overtime. Everything was looking good, up until Evan went for the kick, the ball getting tripped up in the process, completely missing the posts. You exhaled a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

You saw the camera flash to Joe, hanging his head and a look of defeat on his face. You could feel his disappointment from where you were standing in your shared living room, knowing he needed this win more than the last. The past few weeks have been tough on him, the tension spilling into your dynamic together at home. Last week’s win was a great lift in spirits, but Joe still had his head down maintaining his focus to strive for more.

When Joe came on for his post-game interview, you knew it was going to be a tough watch. You could see the pain in his feature as he was being asked question after question from the reporters, looking exhausted trying to hold his composure. One in particular asked about each game having slim point differences and how that would translate to the end of the season. 

“We’re not a championship level team right now, we’re not. I’d like to think that you know, we’ll come back and improve throughout the season to get to that point, but right now we’re not and we have to get better” Joe answered, his voice showing his frustration and disappointment.

It absolutely broke your heart to hear him talk about himself the way that he was, bearing the fullness of the loss on his shoulders. You were both nervous and excited for him to come home. Wanting nothing more than to hold him close, but you knew the type of mood he would most likely be in.

Your phone pinged, the familiar sound of Joe’s text tone ringing through the silence.

On my way, I need you

The short message an indicator that after weeks of stress and struggles, he was seeking out your comfort. You typed out a quick reply and got to work before Joe got home. You spent the little time you had picking things up and getting dinner ready, whipping up his favorite comfort food.

About 30 minutes later, you heard the garage open and shut, followed by Joe shuffling in through the door. He kicked off his shoes with his head hung low. When he looked up, locking his sights on you, you could tell tears were welling up in his eyes, trying so hard to hold his composure. 

He took a few steps into the kitchen, the pain in his features becoming more prominent the more distance he closed between you too. You opened up your arms and he fell into your embrace, the dam holding back everything from the past few weeks of losses pouring out like a flood gate.

The two of you just stood there in the kitchen for a while letting time pass, slowing rocking Joe back and forth while he cried in your arms. Once the cries became sniffles, Joe pulled back and look at you with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You moved your arms from around him, bringing your hands to caress his cheeks, wiping away any remains of tears. 

���If only I had just done better and-“ you cut him off, not letting him bring himself down any further.

“You did everything you absolutely could have Joey. You put your entire soul onto that field and you know it”. 

Joe sighed and rested his forehead against your shoulder leaning down to reach you, letting his hands fall and rest lazily on your lower back.

“It’s just been so hard recently, it feels like whatever I’m doing isn’t enough and everyone is expecting me to do it all” Joe mumbled into your neck.

Your hands went to his hair, fingers massaging his scalp and tangling in the ends at the nape of his neck. 

“I want you to know that you are enough and that I know you’re trying your hardest, your fans know, and they only want to see you succeed. Reporters are gonna try their best to get the juiciest details from others defeat”.

You could see the tension begin to leave his body as he let his shoulders, lifting his eyes to meet yours. Joe scooped you up, placing you on the nearest countertop so you could be more level with one another.

“Thank you for always being there for me and being rock when I can’t for myself”. Joe said giving you a warm smile as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“I’ll always be your biggest supporter and cheerleader no matter what, it’s us against the world bug. I got your favorite ready for you on the stove. Why don’t we settle in on the couch and eat hm? I bet you’re hungry”.

“Starving, thank you, baby. Speaking of cheerleader, we should get you one of those uniforms sometime” Joe smirked, raising his eyebrows.

“There’s the Joey I know, I bet we could work something out” you laugh playing along, pulling him in for another hug. You were someone he could come home to always.

Thank you so much for reading, please send in any requests or comments. I hope you enjoyed!

[icallhimjoey]

Almost, Always

♥ ♥          Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader 

Summary: Happy endings aren't for everyone, so it seems, but that doesn't mean that you can't stop trying for one. Question is, are you actually star-crossed lovers that can figure something out, or just absolutely blind to reality and really fucking stupid?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, language, adult themes, smut, cheating

Author’s note: i want to thank @lfdybadgirlsdiw again, bc she sent in a small request that mentioned 'former lovers that keep going back to each other, even if they are seeing other people' which then sparked this whole story into existence 🖤 i also want to sincerely apologise to all the girls that have reached out and taught me that none of us lead unique lives (which in this case is terrible, but also, really comforting) thank you for reading! i hope you enjoy this last part, and i'd love to hear your thoughts!

Wordcount: 7.2K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

The world felt muted. Dull, and empty. Deeply hollow, and completely void of colour.

There was only so much shit a person could take before enough was enough, and finally, after accepting the bare minimum from Joe for far too long, you decided you no longer wanted it.

The sky hung heavy, and the beginnings of what would eventually feel like an endless winter promised to keep the mood low and bleak for the rest of the season. There was an under-skin discomfort only the passing of time was going to be able to shed.

You broke up with Joe.

It fucking sucked. There was confusion, and deep hurt. Anger. Defeat.

And yet, you felt weirdly proud of yourself.

“It’d be better for you to leave him.” Emily had told you time and time again. Finally, you’d listened. You knew she was going to be so proud, which gave a small sense of relief.

Everything else felt bleak, though. Like time had stopped on the moment of impact. Hands of the clock frozen in time, forever showing the point at which it truly landed for Joe.

Joe hadn’t felt like this for a long time. Didn’t know if he had ever felt like this before, if he was honest. There was a difficulty in processing the shock, in accepting there was even a shock to begin with, but he knew you were right. It was why he couldn’t stop saying it.

“Don’t feel bad, you’re right. You’re right.”

It felt wrong to be right, and you didn’t want to be right ever again if this is what it’d be like.

The little sliver of pride inside of you wasn’t getting the attention it deserved in the moment, but that was okay. You’d get to it later. And maybe, one day, Joe would too.

“Will you,” Joe broke the silence, voice hoarse and throat in pain. He cleared it, which didn’t help much, and hopefully finished, “Will you stay the night?”

You’d been sat in the quiet dark for quite a while, just listening to each other breathe. It started with Joe perched on the very edge of his sofa, leg shaking as he tried to come to terms with what you were saying.

You’d sat down next to him then, and he’d immediately pulled you close, hands gripping and trying their best to hold onto whatever there was for him to hold onto still.

Just was a shame there wasn’t much left for him to grasp.

“I don’t think I should.”

You wanted to.

Badly.

But you genuinely didn’t think that would be a good idea.

You felt how Joe shifted a little, arms moving to wrap you up differently from how they had been. He was unsure of how to hold you, but tried his best to find a way that made you want to stay.

“Yea. No… you’re right. You probably shouldn’t…”

If you weren’t absolutely determined, the soft brokenness of Joe’s voice would’ve made you give in instantly.

“But will you?” Joe tried again.

“Joe…”

“I know, I know, please, don’t…” Joe faltered. There were a lot of things Joe didn’t want you to do. Please don’t say it. Please don’t repeat yourself.

Please don’t leave.

There was a stillness that had taken over the room - the world - when Joe realised that you weren’t joking. A stillness where even the wind outside hesitated to stir. You weren’t saying shit just to get a reaction out of him. You weren’t trying to get him to say words you wanted him to say. You’d been serious from the second you’d walked into Joe’s flat, and Joe felt stupid how he had just… immediately dismissed you. How he hadn’t even really listened as you spoke to him.

It had been a few days since you’d seen each other, and you’d secretly been collecting and saving bravery. You’d avoided Joe for a few days whilst you kept busy, storing all the courage you could find in a secret spot inside of your body, waiting for it to be enough to drive you into just fucking saying it already.

Joe hadn’t questioned the stupid excuses you’d come up with to not see him a couple of nights in a row. Hadn’t questioned it at all, didn’t seem to really care about it either, which only added to your valour. To the ‘he doesn’t even give a shit’ narrative that you needed to believe with your full heart, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have decided to spontaneously text him, “on my way over” before flying out the door.

If you could stop your hands from shaking, that’d be great, but you were going to do this. You were going to ride this wave of determination, without or with a shaking body.

When you stepped into Joe’s flat, sick with nerves and heavy tension, Joe was hunched over a messy open drawer of a side cupboard.

“Have you seen my earphones? Wired ones?” he rummaged through with both hands.

No hi. No hello. No I’ve not seen you in days, come here, let me kiss you silly.

Have you seen my earphones.

The real important stuff.

“My wireless ones, the left bud has stopped charging itself…”

And you knew exactly where Joe’s wired earphones were.

For a second, you debated giving in. Debated using this as your out. Debated smiling, rolling your eyes all fondly, being the helpful girl Joe needed in this moment. It was tempting to forcibly forget about the one sentence you’d repeated inside of your mind over and over and over again since you’d walked out your door.

Fingers rubbed over the hems of your sleeves as you stood in the doorway still, and you felt where you’d rubbed literal holes into the fabric. 

“Pay a fucking fortune for nice ones and still, it’s the same bullshit, nice or not, it’s…” Joe finally turned his head to look at you when you remained silent. He watched you for a second before he stood up straight.

“Hey… you okay?” he frowned, hands fiddling with whatever junk he’d found instead of what he was looking for.

“I don’t… I don’t think I’m very happy anymore…”

There.

The words were out.

You’d said them, and even though you’d expected the world to maybe crack open and for everything to immediately go to absolute shit... nothing happened.

But you’d said the words, and the tiniest littlest speck of gratification popped up inside of your chest.

You had to actively remember how to breathe, but if you’d leave right now, at least you had said those words.

“All right,” Joe frowned a little, and cast his eyes back down to whatever his hands were doing. “What needs changing then? You can turn the heating up, if you want.”

Joe’s casual dismissal felt sharp as a blade, severing any hope of fixing this. Of saving it. It was completely mismatched to how tense you felt.

“No, I’m not…” you felt your knees shake as Joe continued rummaging. Suddenly, you were way more nervous to say those exact same words once again. “I’m not happy. Anymore.” You had to swallow straight after, mouth dry, tongue thick.

“All right,” Joe made an annoyed face at a random electrical wire he found, and continued, “So what needs changing then?”

His slight annoyance fed everything bad inside. Joe was unknowingly coaxing you into the exact right headspace for what needed doing.

“This.”

Joe still wasn’t looking at you.

“This what?”

Part of you wanted to show your frustration. The anger. Wanted to clench your fists and exhale roughly through flared nostrils to show him, to make him see. You wish you wanted to raise your voice and fight. But the unrelenting defeat of the moment rooted itself deeper inside of your body. The lack of care coming from Joe, the attention he wasn’t giving you, the dismissal of what you’d just told him, because his wired earphones were obviously so much more important than you were... it all combined into nothing more than a simple shrug.

You remained calm, protectively flat, and just… shrugged.

“This.”

You repeated yourself once more, and when Joe didn’t even seem to properly hear you, you looked at the open door that lead to the hallway which had his bedroom at the end of it.

You knew where Joe’s wired earphones were.

What followed were slow and measured footsteps that carried you over into Joe’s bedroom where you found the wired earphones in one of his bedside tables before you slowly made your way back over to him.

With a soft hand, you reached for one of his and held it in yours, palm up, to place the earphones into.

“Oh! Where did you find–”

“I think I need to stop thinking that things are going to ever be different…”

You looked Joe in the eye, and it was like he only then noticed what he was looking at. Like the earphones being found closed a chapter, and now there was attention for you and, oh, you didn’t look very happy.

“It’s never going to be different… is it?”

You looked very sad, actually.

Sort of drained of life.

Really tired.

“Hey, are you all right?” Joe discarded his earphones to the side and grabbed hold of one of your elbows, pulling you a little closer.

“Things aren’t going to ever be different, are they?”

You saw how Joe copied the knit of your eyebrows, face going from a little confused to very suddenly filled with deep worry.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Like, with us. This.” You stepped back, just slightly, creating distance.

“Are you… are you being serious right now?” And Joe stepped forward, moving right along with you to close that distance again.

“I think...” you sighed, eyes closed but back straight and chin up. Strong. “I think I need a change.”

“Baby… a change like what? What are you talking about?”

One of Joe’s hands cupped your cheek, thumb pushing underneath your jaw, taking the weight of your whole head as he tipped your head just right for eye-contact.

“Joe, I’m not… this isn’t what I want.”

“Me?”

No.

“Us.”

“Oh…”

Joe’s eyes moved between yours, searching for the slightest little bit of softness you still had for him.

He found it easily.

“I’m sorry.”

But he hadn’t expected the compassion there to be sympathy and pity for the situation you were placing Joe into.

At first, there’d been a surge of angry confusion. Of Joe stepping back and jokingly accusing you of being daft. Of telling you that your heart had frozen over because he probably hadn’t turned the heating up high enough. He asked if you’d eaten. If maybe you’d been drinking. Anything to make sense of what was going on, of why you’d walked into his flat on a random evening to tell him things he didn’t want to hear.

Then, there’d been yelling. Hurried large steps got paced around his living room, his arms flying about in unrestrained wild gestures. “You keep referring to past mistakes! You always say you forgive and forget, but you’re not forgetting shit!”, “Have you been hanging out– did you just come straight over from Emily? Has she been planting shit into your brain that you– you can’t actually be fucking serious right now!”, “God, this is so fucking annoying! You’re being annoying!”, “Are you sure this is what you want to do? The worst. Just the fucking worst!”. Joe’s voice went up as he screamed, cracking when he got too passionate, and you wished that had been new information to you.

Eventually, there’d been a weird composed faux acceptance that felt like a manipulative tranquility that Joe adapted to simply show you that you didn’t actually want what you were asking for. A childish, ‘Fine, I’ll give you what you want, see how it sucks?!’ just to prove to you that you were wrong.

When you didn’t budge, and it all finally really landed, everything changed.

Joe turned soft.

Went from frantic movements to suddenly sighing the deepest sigh he’d ever sighed to slowly making his way over to you, hesitating slightly when moving in to hug you, but then going for a full both-arm-tight-wrap-up when you didn’t flinch away.

After about a minute of tightly embracing, you heard Joe sniff close to your ear, and you realised he was crying.

“Joe, I’m sorry, I–”

“No, no.” Joe pulled back, used his sleeve to quickly wipe at his face before going, “No, look at me. Look. You’re right. I’m the one- no, look. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t– you’re right, you’re…” Joe moved both his hands into his hair, a flash of panic, and had to take a few steps as he inhaled deeply.

“You’re not annoying.”

You saw how his jaw clenched. How he rapidly blinked to keep further tears at bay.

“I don’t know why…” Joe started, sitting down on the edge of his sofa as he rubbed a hand across his face. “It just… it never even occurred to me that you had the option to… to go anywhere. But you’re right.”

You didn’t care about being right. It didn’t feel nice to be right about something so devastating.

Looking at Joe, broken boy unsure of where to steer his thoughts and his emotions, you knew this wasn’t what you wanted. This wasn’t what you’d envisioned for the both of you. But, to be fair, almost nothing about what you’d become together had come about because you’d envisioned it that way.

You moved to sit down next to Joe and got immediately taken a hold of.

“Will you stay the night?”

“I don’t think I should.”

“Yea. No… you’re right. You probably shouldn’t... but, will you?”

“Joe…” you couldn’t tell him you would. Couldn’t reply with the ‘I will’ he wanted from you.

“I know, I know, please... don’t…”

If you weren’t going to stay the night, at least Joe would have this. Long quiet minutes, sat on his sofa together. Touching. Staring into nothingness. The longer he could keep you there, the better.

He found new ways to hug.

Different ways to hold.

Arms moved, swiped, squeezed and felt, mapping your every inch in a desperate bid to remember.

Joe took hold of the back of your neck in the exact way he knew you liked, thumb pressing into the dip at the base of your skull, rubbing small circles there.

And you gave him that.

Gave him this moment, frozen in time, just before you’d eventually walk out without plans of ever returning.

“You do know,” Joe started off, voice barely there in a whisper, words pressed into the skin just behind your ear. “You know that I really do love you, don’t you?”

And the world shattered.

The first real and sincere I love you that you’d ever gotten from him.

That wasn’t meant to hurt like it did.

“You know that right?”

All you could do was give a small nod that Joe felt with his face as you fought with all of your being to not burst into tears.

“I love you.”

The cruelest goodbye present you hadn’t asked for, thrusted into your lap at the worst possible time, and you had no other choice than to just simply accept it.

“Yea... love you, too.”

You can see him in the reflection of the window that the treadmills are aimed at, leisurely strolling into your line of sight. Towel over his shoulder, wearing his grey hoodie, wired earphones already in his ears, and eyes on his phone as he seems to sort through a playlist.

It’s been a day.

One single day.

One day since you’d woken up on his sofa.

One day since you’d said yes to a morning coffee that you probably shouldn’t have said yes to.

One day since you’d called the guy in your flat and had to explain why you’d left him in your bed on his own in the middle of the night.

One day since Joe sat across the table from you, coffee in hand, and listened to you stutter through vague excuses.

One day since you’d groaned at yourself for being so fucking stupid, and asked Joe, “What the fuck are we doing...”

One day since he’d shrugged and regretfully told you he wished he had an answer to that question.

To all of your questions, for that matter.

Joe showing up to your gym isn’t coincidental. It simply can’t be. It makes no sense for Joe to go to the gym that’s right around the corner from your flat.

There’s also no way he hasn’t seen you.

There’s not a chance he doesn’t know you’re here.

This is what Joe does, what he did just a short while ago, and he goes about it in almost the exact same way.

His slow pace gives him away.

The fact that he stops just as he has passed you, giving the free treadmill next to yours a quick glance as if he’s only just decided, yea I can do a bit of cardio here, why not, gives him away.

The moment his fucking awful purple pumas touch the machine next to you, you stop looking at him in the reflection. Eyes straight ahead. You keep them firmly trained on yourself instead, and keep a steady pace.

Yea. You hate the gym.

But you’re here to work out, and work out only.

Not to socialise.

Not to potentially run into someone.

Not to prove to someone, to anyone, that you’re a person that goes to the gym now.

No.

You’re there to work out. Guilt has been slowly eating at you until the anxiety of it all, the extreme criticism aimed at yourself, became too much and physical exercise seemed like the only healthy way out.

The only healthy way through.

You’re working out to feel better about yourself, about the choices that you’ve made, and you fucking hate every single second of it. But, you’re only about halfway through what you’d set out to do, and the plan is to fucking finish it. To do the full routine, no ifs ands or buts.

From your peripheral vision, you can see how Joe turns the machine on and how he throws the screen of yours an obvious glance.

Then, he sets the speed to just a little faster than yours.

Idiot.

For a little while it’s easy to ignore him. Makes sense, since you’ve gotten a lot of practice over the years. You could look right through him if you wanted to, face blank, eyes all hollow. Sometimes that was just what he deserved, and you remember how it always felt shockingly good to push his buttons by simply pretending he wasn’t there.

You’re an expert in driving this man insane.

But driving him insane isn’t the end goal here – instead it’s trying to hold yourself together, to harden yourself just enough, to not let him drive you insane.

So you ignore him.

Focus on your breathing. The whirring of the treadmill. The miles you’ve already run. How may more you have to go. Your own heartrate. The position of your feet.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

Breathe in, in.

Breathe out, out.

God, you fucking hate running, but there’s something that itches you about the fact that Joe put the speed of his treadmill a half mile per hour faster than yours.

And it’s not a fair race – which is what this fucking is now: a race – because he’s just wandered in and you’ve been going for a while already.

But maybe that’s actually good.

This guy’s not warmed up. Just got on the treadmill and started bolting.

Idiot.

It doesn’t take long for Joe’s breathing to pick up. For it to become audible to you, and you know he’s not going to be able to keep this up much longer. 

Just when you think Joe’s going to reach over and lower the speed of his treadmill, you decide to double down on this inevitable win and press the plus button twice.

Twice.

And fuck, you immediately regret it. The burn in your legs is merciless. An unforgiving persistent ache, yet the burn in your lungs is worse.

In, in. Out, out. In, in. Out, out.

Some of the sweat that’s dripping down your face gets stopped by your eyebrows, yet some also gets past and goes straight into your eyes, but fuck off, you’re winning.

You can do this.

You can pretend you just wanted to run extra fast for a minute. Maybe two.

Four minutes.

You manage four minutes before your start getting scared your legs are going to turn into actual jelly. For fear of tripping over your own feet and launching yourself backwards across the gym floor, you have to slow it down.

The second you do, Joe does as well.

It feels like your lungs have forgotten how to absorb oxygen, but you’re walking, and it’s fine. You did slow down your treadmill before Joe did, but you ran faster than him and, all together, ran for much longer, so it’s a win.

You’ve won.

You’ll die on this hill– you won and Joe lost and he is a loser.

There’s another moment where you can see Joe glance over, and even though you’re both at a walking pace, he still goes to adjust his speed so it’s higher than yours. Then, he removes his earphones.

Time to acknowledge his presence.

“You don’t go to this gym.” You manage to say before Joe gets a chance to get a word in.

Shit, you’re panting.

“I don’t?” But so is Joe. “Weird place for me to be then.”

You give him a look.

“Why are you here?”

Joe pulls a face he always pulls when he’s about to make a joke. It’s a stern face that’s hiding a smile so well, it just looks like he’s a frowning asshole.

“Hmm. Why... am I here?” he repeats seriously, pensive, like the answer escapes him. Then he looks around and uses an arm to showcase the gym he’s in, like it’s obvious he’s there to work out. It makes you feel like he’s making fun of you, which immediately stirs up animosity inside you.

“Well,” you start collecting your things. Towel, water bottle, phone. “Good luck. Get swole, or whatever.”

And you’re off.

“I’ll see you for a coffee, after!” Joe calls after you, and when you turn your head, you see him smirk as he wipes his towel across his forehead.

“No thanks!” you make yourself sound as polite and upbeat as you can whilst turning him down.

Joe watches you walk away, past some of the rowing machines, and he sees how other guys glance a look at you.

He doesn’t blame them.

If he’s honest, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing here, just that he wants to be near you. If that means going over to yours unannounced just to see you cross the street and enter the gym, rushing back home to get his own kit and making his way back over to get a guest pass, and then super casually accidentally ending up on a treadmill next to you, well, then... that’s what he’ll do.

Joe doesn’t know what he’s doing.

What you’re doing.

Why he’s been excited every time he’s seen you over the past couple of months. Why he’s been sad every time you parted ways again.

He doesn’t know why you keep coming back after you ended it all, but what he does know is that it must mean that it’s not over.

Not fully.

There’s a door there, still open enough for him to squeeze through, and yesterday, he realised he would actually rather hurt himself whilst struggling to get through your door, than pick any of the other doors that girls are holding wide open for him.

Joe watches you make your way over to the weight machines and you decide to pretend Joe’s not really there. Decide to pretend that there’s not something dangerously delightful about seeing Joe all sweaty and out of breath.

You get on with your work out routine.

Do the leg press for a bit. Some leg curls. Some extensions.

Nothing for the arms.

You have no upper body strength, and Joe’s watching. You’re very much doing your best to pretend he’s not there, but, you still find yourself secretly checking if you’re being watched.

And you are.

You ignore the furious blush on your cheeks and tell yourself it’s just because your exercising. The heat you feel in your face is just there because you’re moving. S’got nothing to do with Joe, who’s in your peripheral vision the whole time.

He’s strategically moving across the gym floor, standing in front of mirrors that reflect the best views of you, and yea, sure, he’s holding weights in both his hands, but he’s not really doing much, is he? He’ll curl an arm up every couple of seconds, but there’s barely any effort there.

Which makes sense.

Joe’s busy watching.

He’s watching you work out as discretely as he can.

He knows you’re aware of it too. Knows you’re following his whereabouts. Sees you check over your shoulder a little more often than seems normal to check your surroundings. Knows you’re having the absolute worst time because you hate physical exercise like this, but he watches as you power through.

Watches as you seem to finish up.

Watches you leave for the changing rooms, and he quickly does the same. Drops the weights he was still holding right where he’s standing and rushes to get his things because he wants to be ready and waiting by the door when you walk out.

You’re faster than expected.

Joe’s only just left the men’s changing rooms, zipping up his jacket, when he sees you emerge from the women’s.

You see him too.

Of course you do.

But you look right past him as you leave the building, and Joe has to scramble to get the door before it smacks him in the face as he follows you out.

“That was a quick shower.” Joe muses, following your tail.

“I shower at home.” You simply answer, looking for traffic both ways.

“Yea? Can’t tempt you into getting a quick coffee together somewhere?”

Joe dashes after you as you cross the street and comes to walk next to you.

“I’ve got coffee at home.” You dismiss him, but Joe hasn’t given up half his morning for you to suddenly use your sound, responsible mind. Not after yesterday.

“Oh, great. Even better.”

For whatever reason, even after all the interactions you’ve had with Joe post break-up, this feels like the first time it means something. Maybe it’s because it’s been a literal single day since you woke up next to him on his sofa, or maybe it’s because it was a little difficult to look at yourself in the mirror after.

You stop walking abruptly and it takes Joe two whole steps to realise you’re no longer next to him.

“What are you...” you falter, brow furrowed as you look at him.

“Doing?” Joe finishes for you, then shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m doing what we do– what we have been doing.”

He says it so plainly, like there’s not a million things wrong with that. Like he hadn’t invited you over to stay the night at his flat when there was a whole other person in his bed, likely wondering why the fuck she woke up on her own, just like the guy you’d left in yours.

You’re terrible people, and what Joe is meant to do, is self-loathe in his own time until the feeling has faded enough for a new bout of dumb decisions. You know, like you’re doing.

“You can’t just–...”

“Can’t what?”

Your eyes fall to Joe’s stupid trainers, his faded ugly purple pumas, and you hate how you like that he wore them.

This is never going to be over, is it?

You know with every fibre of your being that you shouldn’t.

But, fuck.

You want to.

You really, really want to.

“Don’t you feel bad?” you ask, hoping that at least Joe will confirm that you’re not overreacting.

You should feel bad.

The both of you.

There’s the slightest moment of introspection from Joe that you see across his face before he smiles at your rosy cheeks and goes, “I do. But not... not about this. What does it matter if I want to go and have a drink with you? Hmm? Who cares about that?”

Well.

Probably that girl that slammed the door of his flat yesterday. And, you also kind of hope that he cares, but it’s difficult to sort through and articulate your thoughts and feelings about that in the moment.

“Do you feel bad?” Joe asks, a hand reaching over to touch you on the arm.

“I feel terrible...” you admit on a heavy exhale. You also feel sweaty and sticky and gross.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yea, well... you should be. Because it’s your fault,” you show the slightest of smiles and fall back into step. “And because your shoes are ugly.”

Joe watches you walk away for a bit, trying to wrap his head around it. Around you. Finds that he was right before: he just wants to be near you, still.

He just wants to be near you always, actually.

He’s lucky you’ve got the same issue.

It’s why you let Joe into your flat.

Why the first thing you do when you get in is make Joe a coffee since he was so adamant about having some.

When he sees that you’re not making yourself a cup, he goes and does it for you. Makes you the perfect cup of coffee, exactly how you like it, and you have to really hide how giddy that makes you feel. Can’t give away how that means something to you. So instead, you make him laugh when, in lieu of sugar, you slide a salt shaker across the table, just because you think Joe needs to know that he’s welcome here, but that he’s not really... welcome here.

“You’re so annoying, my God.” Joe shakes his head, fondness practically dripping from the words as he smiles. He’ll make you a million more cups of coffee if it means you’ll make him laugh like that.

In turn, you laugh at jokes Joe makes about you going for your shower, telling you that you must be exhausted and he’ll gladly help out and hold you up. You know, no big deal, even though he remembers that your shower is small and barely fits two people in.

“We’ll just have to stand really close together.” you quip, joining the bit.

“It will be so awkward for me, but I’ll self-sacrfice, not a problem.”

You laugh together, and Joe drinks the coffee you made for him, and you drink the coffee that he made for you. There’s a moment of silence before you semi-seriously say, “I’m really not meant to have you over.”

It’s complicated. It’s fine, but it’s not.

“Yea... you probably shouldn’t. You’re right.” Joe flirts. “You’re right.”

“I don’t know what I was expecting though...” you sigh, leaning back in your seat. “We’re not to be trusted, I don’t think...”

Joe eyes you for a short moment, then leans forward a little and carefully says, “You’re allowed to set your expectations aside every once in a while, you know... we can just enjoy our time. Nothing wrong with that.”

You can’t help but smile, because the sentiment is sweet, but unfortunately, it doesn’t really work like that. Before you know it, you’ll be back right where you were before, kicking yourself over placing yourself back in that same crappy situation.

A grimacing discontented nose-scrunch does all the talking for you.

“All right,” Joe says on the back-end of a sigh, slapping both legs as he gets up, already heading towards the door. “I know when I’m not wanted.”

You put an arm out and get a handful of his sleeve before he gets even close to leaving, and Joe turns his head to grin at you like you’d played directly into his trap.

Which, you probably just had done.

Had been doing.

“Oh?” Joe startles playfully. “Am I wanted, then?”

The handful of shirt gets pulled into your direction until Joe’s standing really close, and you have to tip your head back all the way to look up at him.

“Do you want to hear me say that I want you?” you challenge his neediness as one of his hands finds your cheek. You know exactly that’s what he wants to hear.

“Is that hard for you?” he challenges your obduracy right back, thumb softly rubbing the skin under your eye, knowing full well how hard of a time you have with sharing your feelings in the moment.

It’ll never be lost on you how there’s so little you can hide from one another. It’s comforting in the most perilous of ways.

It helps that Joe is very upfront about his wants. He’s in your living room for a reason, which makes it a little easier to admit to a truth you can no longer deny.

You wouldn’t have invited him over if you didn’t want him here.

Obviously.

It’s a big ask to set expectations aside in the long-term, but in the short-term, temptation and comfort always seem to win all too easily. Hence the handfull of fabric you’re still holding.

That doesn’t meant that Joe deserves the satisfaction of hearing you say that, though.

“No.” you smile, eyes casting downwards. “But… do you want to know what is hard for me?”

Without any hesitation, you let your hand find the bulge in his jeans, and Joe flinches at the contact, his other hand immediately around your wrist to control your next move, grip tight, like he’s using it to not lose his balance.

“Don’t.”

With his eyes shut, he exhales a slow breath.

“Oh?” your eyebrows shoot up in the same way his had done earlier. “Am I wrong, then?”

Joe has to bite back a smile, and there’s a moment where you’re just staring each other down, your hand touching growing parts of Joe, and his hand keeping it right in place. It’s hard for him to look away from your eyes and the sparkle they look at him with.

It’s a big ask to set expectations aside... when you haven’t really got any to begin with.

Joe’s voice comes out a little gruff when he says, “How about that shower?” all lowly, giving a slight nod up in question as he bites into his bottom lip.

The only way out seems through.

But, just before you give in all over again, something pipes up in your mind that turns you solemn. Something Joe said the night before.

“You um...” you swallow thickly and slowly remove your hand from Joe’s jeans. “You said we weren’t the best, before...”

This dance between heartfelt earnestness and teasing banter is becoming a little confusing, but, to be fair, everything about you and Joe is confusing.

Joe’s hand on your cheek is warm, and you let the words you’d just said linger. Let them speak for themselves. You haven’t asked Joe a question that needs an answer, but you wait for him to figure out what you mean all by himself.

Why should you go have a shower with Joe if he doesn’t think you’re good together? If things can’t be better than before?

“Before...” Joe repeats and then slowly lowers himself next to your chair and leans on a knee so he’s more at eye-level with you. He’s choked with tenderness for you, especially when you look like this, not unlike what you looked like when you barged into his flat a night ago. “Before, yea. But that was–...”

Then.

This is now.

Joe’s hand is still on your face, his steady touch unmoving, but now his fingers curl under your jaw and around your ear, and it burns your skin. You want to allow yourself to enjoy the gentle touch, but you can’t. Shouldn’t. Your wants are too risky.

Anxiety swells and you can feel how your fingers are searching out a bit of fabric to run along, but you’re not wearing long sleeves. It’s why your next question comes out all choppy.

“Will it b-be different?”

Your question implies a whole lot. Implies a want for something new. For something better. Something different. And, perhaps most terrifyingly, it implies a want for something together.

You think if Joe is going to be completely honest with you, he should tell you no. However, logically, you also understand there’s a current heavy throbbing in his underwear that might influence things slightly.

Still.

You want to hear his answer.

Want to know what he’s really doing here.

What his expectations are.

Joe can’t predict the future. But you desperately want him to.

“It can be.”

Instant disappointment.

In Joe, and within yourself.

It can be.

It’s the most non-committal answer Joe could’ve given. It’s guarded. Evasive. Without clear indication or attitude of feeling.

You hate it.

But then you watch as he slowly grabs hold of one of your hands and guides it to the sleeve hem of the hoodie he is wearing where your fingers immediately find home and rub to their hearts content. It’s embarrassing how your shoulders instantly relax.

Joe clears his throat, cradling your face in both of his hands now, and adds, “It should be.” which he makes sound like a promise.

It should be.

It should be because you are both older and wiser and have learnt lessons and have grown. It should be because you are new people, with old habits but with new intentions.

It should be because you really want it to be.

It should be because Joe is really going to try.

That’s all you want.

All you need.

It should be makes you whine and drop your head fully into Joe’s hold.

It should be has you accept Joe’s lips that press firmly against yours.

It should be allows you to be picked up and lead over to your bathroom where you both undress at lightning speed.

It should be has you under the stream before the water’s even fully warmed up, standing really close together, and not just because the shower’s small.

Emily’s absolutely going to kill you.

But she’s allowed.

She can murder both you and Joe together, and you’ll continue doing what you’re doing right now in whatever the afterlife even is until the end of time itself.

Time can stop, for all you care.

Joe touches you in the shower until your legs can quite literally no longer carry you, and then Joe touches you in your bed until every single cell of your body is violently shaking in pure delight.

It should be different.

It will be different.

And different starts right fucking now.

“I love you.”

Joe pants the words heavily into your skin. Into your neck, your collarbone, your shoulder. Wants them to settle there and never leave. He seals them in with kisses, and repeats mumbling praise that he hopes will cling onto you for a while as well.

You’re convinced he’s just saying things because it feels right in the moment. Because he wants to prove to you that he’s right.

You lay together, bodies on top of each other, and it takes longer than feels normal to come back down from what you’ve just done. Joe holds you in place on top of him, both his hands wrapped around your arms, and when you try to move, when you try to let yourself slide off and fall onto the mattress next to him, he only further strengthens his grip.

“I love you.” He then says more clearly, and he sounds like he’s admitting it to himself just as much as he is to you. Like it’s something that he needs to hear himself articulate more than it’s something that you might need to hear.

It’s unbelievable that he’s here, right now.

He fully thought you’d be done with him by now, yet, here you are, wanting more of him. Different. Yes. But more all the same.

“Love you, love you, love you.” Joe punctuates with kisses.

Joe finds that he’s still as full of emotion for you as he was when you were still together, but there’s a huge difference in voicing it. In saying things aloud for other people to hear.

For you to hear.

“Yea,” you smile, tickled by the tone of Joe’s repeated confession, convinced you’ve pulled the words straight from his dick. “Yea you do.”

There’s no way Joe is thinking with his brain right now.

A soft scoff comes from him before he tries his best to sound like a schoolteacher as he demands, “Say it back.”

You huff a laugh to that, still feeling a little floaty and too far gone for a coherent response. All you can think about is how Joe’s still inside of you, and how he is keeping you there.

Then one of his hands lets you go, but is quickly followed by a well-aimed poke to your side that has you squirming. Joe remembers all your vulnerable spots, knows exactly where they are, fucking dick.

“Say it back! Say, I love you too, Joe.”

In your giggling, you manage to sit up a little and glare down at Joe, but you’re smiling, which completely ruins the effect, and it turns him a little soft inside. You then lean back down a little and give him a peck by his ear which serves to shut Joe up.

He decides it’s enough of an answer, close enough to an I love you said in return. He knows you do, anyway.

In your next move, you snuggle into him, cheek rubbing into his skin, and, fuck, Joe’s done for.

“Yea… yea, you love me too.”

“Shut up.” You whisper, giggles stuck in the back of your throat that you try your best to contain, ones that Joe lets out easily.

“Too bad you’re so annoying.”

“Yea.” You squeeze Joe tighter and let your teeth scrape the skin of his chest. “I’m the worst.”

There’s no phone buzzing on the bedroom floor.

There’s no other people hiding in a different room in your flat.

No... Jessicas, or whatever. No Jaspers.

You’re in the centre of your bed together, no sides picked or chosen, and the temperature inside reflects neither icy Antarctica nor the Amazon rainforest.

It should be different.

Better.

It already is.

Are you risking making the same mistakes all over again? Yes. Are you willing to still go ahead and give this a try? Also yes.

“Will you stay?” Joe quietly asks, silently and warily bringing up how vulnerable he felt when you broke it all off months ago.

You move your head to look him in the eye for a second.

“I should.” you whisper back, reassuring you in same way Joe had reassured you.

“Will you stay?” you repeat Joe’s question, but know what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth.

One of his hands snakes around to hold you by the back of your neck.

“I will.”

the end

---

The Taglisted

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taglist currently full, apologies!

[burreauxwrites]

Joe has been very on-edge lately with the season almost starting, and after a particularly rough practice session, he comes home grumbling and slamming doors and stuff. You go up to your shared bedroom to see what’s wrong, and on the other side of the door you hear him crying, which he’s never done around you before. You’re able to calm him down and assure him he’s doing great.

“PERFECT” - (joe burrow x reader)

description: see request above! ^ this is set after joe’s wrist injury and he’s trying to come back from it :)

word count: 1.1k

warnings: none! just the reader comforting joe!

you’re humming and prancing around the kitchen, preparing some food for dinner. you’re also baking a few sweet treats; and you feel kind of bad because joe can’t have any (because he’s focused on eating healthy).

joe has been a bit off-kilter, but it’s something you’ve come to recognize. the new season comes around and it’s go time for him. he’s usually anxious and focused coming from the off season.

speaking of joe, he comes back from practice, the door swinging open. but instead of hearing a “hey, love”, there’s an exasperated sigh that comes from him. he closes the door with a force you’ve barely ever seen from him.

practice must’ve been bad, you thought. joe was always hard on himself; even if practice was 90 percent perfect, that wasn’t enough for him. he honestly strives for 110 percent, knowing him.

“hey, joey,” you murmur, turning to him after turning the stove off, “how was practice?”

“it was fine.” he answers bluntly. too bluntly, it’s almost like a hiss coming from him.

you frown, feeling more than worried at this point. “are you sure…?”

“yes, y/n. it went fine.”

joe continues walking, not even sparing a glance at you. that’s also weird. normally, he’d at least crack a small joke, give a small tidbit of how things went. but he almost ignored you. that’s when you hear a loud slam, causing you to jump.

was practice that bad?

you sigh, deciding to give joe a moment. maybe he’d come down after taking a brief shower or something.

except that wasn’t the case.

your baked goods were finished, all toasty and warm. and yet joe was still in the bedroom. this was absolutely not like him. at all. he’s always been reserved and calm, but that changes when he comes home. you always called joe a sour patch kid, because, well, at first he’s sour, then he’s sweet. but right now, he’s definitely upset about something.

feeling immense worry, you head towards your shared room, bringing some cookies and brownies with you. as you step closer to the door, you hear something.

it sounds like…sniffling. was he…? no, surely not. the weather has been changing a bit, so it could be his allergies? there’s no way that joe could be crying. the only time you ever saw him cry was when you watched his heisman speech on youtube. but right in front of you?

you slowly open the door, and there he is, sitting on the end of the bed with his head in his hands.

“oh. joey, baby…” you mutter, slowly heading towards the night stand and placing the cookies and brownies there before sitting next to joe. “hey…what’s wrong? talk to me.” you try to coax him into at least saying something.

he lets out a subdued sob, his body shaking a little. oh no. your heart essentially shatters at the sight and sound, having never seen him so broken and upset. you frown and wrap an arm around him, your thumb caressing his shoulder.

“it’s okay, love…” you speak softly, a few more sniffles coming from him before he inevitably breaks down, unable to keep his emotions at bay. the stress and frustration of today’s practice finally got to him, and he was pouring it all out in front of you.

gently, you pull joe in close to you, letting him bury his head into your shoulder. your hand comes up to the back of his head, caressing it tenderly as you sway him side to side a bit. small words of reassurance escape your lips as you let him cry against you. his body was trembling with every snivel as you held onto him.

after a moment, joe finally calms down a little, pulling away a bit.

“you…wanna talk about it?” you ask again, cupping his cheek in your hand as you wipe away a dry tear.

“i just…i feel like i’m not doing enough,” he sighs, his voice trembling as he looks at you, his eyes red and watery, “i made too many mistakes at practice today, especially with my throws.”

joe was coming off of his wrist injury, and that was going to naturally make his comeback harder. that too broke your heart, seeing him sit back and not be able to play the sport he loves.

“joey, darling…everyone has rough patches to get over. for you to get surgery, focus on healing, and come back?” you remark, your voice smooth and assuring, “not many people would feel confident with that…”

“i know. but i really wanted to have some good reps today,” he explains, leaning into your touch, “plus…people have been saying i won’t be the same after my injury.”

god…he’s seen what people are saying. that was a massive heartbreaker for you, having joe notice all the comments from haters and those who are doubting him.

“well. what those people say doesn’t matter to me. at the end of the day,” you smile softly, looking into joe’s stunning blue eyes, “i know you. i know that you’ll prove everyone wrong, and you’ll go back out there and do what you do best.”

joe sighs, looking at you with a beseeching gaze. “yeah…? you really think that?”

“i know it, love. you are amazing at what you do,” you compliment him, nodding affirmatively, “and even with the setbacks you face, you manage to keep going. and i love that about you.”

joe nods, smiling a little as he takes in your words. he still feels bad about how practice went, but he does feel better knowing that you are confident in him and his skills.

“thank you, baby,” he sighs, kissing your hand as he looks at you fondly, “i love you, so much.”

“any time, joey. i love you too,” you mutter sweetly, leaning in and kissing his lips gently for a moment.

you reach over to the night stand, grabbing a cookie. “here…i made cookies.”

“babe…don’t tempt me. you know i have a strict diet.” joe warns, looking at you as you hold out the cookie.

“cmon! it’s only one cookie,” you frown, “besides, you deserve it.”

joe’s eyes scanned your expression, seeing your pleading eyes and your lips jutted out slightly in a pout. he knows he can’t deny you, not with you’re this sweet and caring.

“fine. i’ll eat the cookie. but just this one.”

you laugh as joe happily bites into the sweet treat, your gaze fond as you look at him. even in joe’s darkest moments, you’ll always be there as a shoulder to lean on.

because to you, he’s absolutely perfect.

[turnstileskyline]

The Oral History of Take This To Your Grave – transcription under the cut

The pages that are just photographs, I haven't included. This post is already long enough.

Things that happened in 2003: Arnold Schwarzenegger became governor of California. Teen Vogue published its first issue. The world lost Johnny Cash. Johnny Depp appeared as Captain Jack Sparrow for the first time. A third Lord of the Rings movie arrived. Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz, Joe Trohman, and Andy Hurley released Take This To Your Grave.

"About 21 years ago or so, as I was applying to colleges I would ultimately never go to, Fall Out Boy began as a little pop-punk side project of what we assumed was Pete's more serious band, Arma Angelus," Patrick wrote in a May 2023 social media post.

"We were sloppy and couldn't solidify a lineup, but the three of us (Pete, Joe, and I) were having way too much fun to give up on it."

"We were really rough around the edges. As an example of how rough, one of my favorite teachers pulled me aside after hearing the recording that would eventually become Evening Out With Your Girlfriend and tactfully said, 'What do you think your best instrument is, Patrick? Drums. It's drums. Probably not singing, Patrick.'"

"We went into Smart Studios with the Sean O'Keefe... So, there we were, 3/5 of a band with a singer who'd only been singing a year, no drummer, and one out of two guitarists. But we had the opportunity to record with Sean at Butch Vig's legendary studio.

"Eight or so months later, Fueled by Ramen would give us a contract to record the remaining songs. We'd sleep on floors, eat nothing but peanut butter and jelly, live in a van for the next three years, and somehow despite that, eventually play with Elton John and Taylor Swift and Jay-Z and for President Obama and the NFC championship, and all these other wildly unpredictable things. But none of that would ever come close to happening if Andy hadn't made it to the session and Joe hadn't dragged us kicking and screaming into being a band."

Two decades after its release, Take This To Your Grave sits comfortable in the Top 10 of Rolling Stone's 50 Greatest Pop-Punk Albums, edging out landmark records from Buzzcocks, Generation X, Green Day, The Offspring, Blink-182, and The Ramones.

It even ranked higher than Through Being Cool by Saves The Day and Jersey's Best Dancers from Lifetime, two records the guys in Fall Out Boy particularly revere.

Fall Out Boy's proper full-length debut on Fueled by Ramen is a deceptively smart, sugar-sweet, raw, energetic masterpiece owing as much to the bass player's pop culture passions, the singers deep love of R&B and soul, and their shared history in the hardcore scene as any pioneering punk band. Fall Out Boy's creative and commercial heights were still ahead, but Take This To Your Grave kicked it off, a harbinger for the enduring songwriting partnership between Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz, the eclectic contributions from Joe Trohman, and the propulsive powerhouse that is Andy Hurley.

The recordings document a special moment when Fall Out Boy was big in "the scene" but a "secret" from the mainstream. The band (and some of their friends) first sat down for an Oral History (which doubled as an Oral History of their origin story) with their old friend Ryan J. Downey, then Senior Editor for Alternative Press, upon the occasion of the album's 10th anniversary. What follows is an updated, sharper, and expanded version of that story, newly re-edited in 2023. As Patrick eloquently said: "Happy 20th birthday, Take This To Your Grave, you weird brilliant lightning strike accident of a record."

– Ryan J. Downey.

A Weird, Brilliant Lightning Strike Of A Record. The Oral History Of Fall Out Boy's Take This To Your Grave.

As told by:

Patrick Stump

Pete Wentz

Joe Trohman

Andy Hurley

Bob McLynn - Crush Music

Sean O'Keefe - Producer/Mixer

John Janick - Fueled By Ramen

Tim McIlrath - Rise Against

Mani Mostofi - Racetraitor

Chris Gutierrez - Arma Angelus

Mark Rose - Spitalfield

Sean Muttaqi - Uprising Records

Rory Felton - The Militia Group

Richard Reines - Drive-Thru Records

"To Feel No More Bitterness Forever" - From Hardcore to Softcore, 1998-2000

PETE WENTZ: When I got into hardcore, it was about discovering the world beyond yourself. There was a culture of trying to be a better person. That was part of what was so alluring about hardcore and punk for me. But for whatever reason, it shifted. Maybe this was just in Chicago, but it became less about the thought process behind it and more about moshing and breakdowns. There was a close-mindedness that felt very reactive.

TIM MCILRITH: I saw First Born many years ago, which was the first time I saw Pete and met him around then. This was '90s hardcore - p.c., vegan, activist kind of hardcore music. Pete was in many of those bands doing that kind of thing, and I was at many of those shows. The hardcore scene in Chicago was pretty small, so everyone kind of knew each other. I knew Andy Hurley as the drummer in Racetraitor. I was in a band called Baxter, so Pete always called me 'Baxter.' I was just 'Baxter' to a lot of those guys.

JOE TROHMAN: I was a young hardcore kid coming to the shows. The same way we all started doing bands. You're a shitty kid who goes to punk and hardcore shows, and you see the other bands playing, and you want to make friends with those guys because you want to play in bands too. Pete and I had a bit of a connection because we're from the same area. I was the youngest dude at most shows. I would see Extinction, Racetraitor, Burn It Down, and all the bands of that era.

WENTZ: My driver's license was suspended then, so Joe drove me everywhere. We listened to either Metalcore like Shai Hulud or pop-punk stuff like Screeching Weasel.

MCILRITH: I was in a band with Pete called Arma Angelus. I was like their fifth or sixth bass player. I wasn't doing anything musically when they hit me up to play bass, so I said, 'Of course.' I liked everyone in the band. We were rehearsing, playing a few shows here and there, with an ever-revolving cast of characters. We recorded a record together at the time. I even sing on that record, believe it or not, they gave me a vocal part. Around that same time, I began meeting with [bassist] Joe [Principe] about starting what would become Rise Against.

CHRIS GUTIERREZ: Wentz played me the Arma Angelus demo in the car. He said he wanted it to be a mix of Despair, Buried Alive, and Damnation A.D. He told me Tim was leaving to start another band - which ended up being Rise Against - and asked if I wanted to play bass.

TROHMAN: Pete asked me to fill in for a tour when I was 15. Pete had to call my dad to convince him to let me go. He did it, too. It was my first tour, in a shitty cargo van, with those dudes. They hazed the shit out of me. It was the best and worst experience. Best overall, worst at the time.

GUTIERREZ: Enthusiasm was starting to wane in Arma Angelus. Our drummer was really into cock-rock. It wasn't an ironic thing. He loved L.A. Guns, Whitesnake, and Hanoi Rocks. It drove Pete nuts because the scene was about Bleeding Through and Throwdown, not cock rock. He was frustrated that things weren't panning out for the band, and of course, there's a ceiling for how big a metalcore band can get, anyway.

MANI MOSTOFI: Pete had honed this tough guy persona, which I think was a defense mechanism. He had some volatile moments in his childhood. Underneath, he was a pretty sensitive and vulnerable person. After playing in every mosh-metal band in the Midwest and listening exclusively to Earth Crisis, Damnation A.D., Chokehold, and stuff like that for a long time, I think Pete wanted to do something fresh. He had gotten into Lifetime, Saves The Day, The Get Up Kids, and bands like that. Pete was at that moment where the softer side of him needed an outlet, and didn't want to hide behind mosh-machismo. I remember him telling me he wanted to start a band that more girls could listen to.

MCILRATH: Pete was talking about starting a pop-punk band. Bands like New Found Glory and Saves The Day were successful then. The whole pop-punk sound was accessible. Pete was just one of those guys destined for bigger things than screaming for mediocre hardcore bands in Chicago. He's a smart guy, a brilliant guy. All the endeavors he had taken on, even in the microcosm of the 1990s Chicago hardcore world, he put a lot of though into it. You could tell that if he were given a bigger receptacle to put that thought into, it could become something huge. He was always talented: lyrics, imagery, that whole thing. He was ahead of the curve. We were in this hardcore band from Chicago together, but we were both talking about endeavors beyond it.

TROHMAN: The drummer for Arma Angelus was moving. Pete and I talked about doing something different. It was just Pete and me at first. There was this thuggishness happening in the Chicago hardcore scene at that time that wasn't part of our vibe. It was cool, but it wasn't our thing.

MCILRITH: One day at Arma Angelus practice, Pete asked me, 'Are you going to do that thing with Joe?' I was like, 'Yeah, I think so.' He was like, 'You should do that, dude. Don't let this band hold you back. I'll be doing something else, too. We should be doing other things.' He was really ambitious. It was so amazing to me, too, because Pete was a guy who, at the time, was kind of learning how to play the bass. A guy who didn't really play an instrument will do down in history as one of the more brilliant musicians in Chicago. He had everything else in his corner. He knew how to do everything else. He needed to get some guys behind him because he had the rest covered. He had topics, themes, lyrics, artwork, this whole image he wanted to do, and he was uncompromising. He also tapped into something the rest of us were just waking up to: the advent of the internet. I mean, the internet wasn't new, but higher-speed internet was.

MOSTOFI: Joe was excited to be invited by Pete to do a band. Joe was the youngest in our crew by far, and Pete was the 'coolest' in a Fonzie sort of way. Joe deferred to Pete's judgement for years. But eventually, his whole life centered around bossy big-brother Pete. I think doing The Damned Things was for Joe what Fall Out Boy was for Pete, in a way. It was a way to find his own space within the group of friends. Unsurprisingly, Joe now plays a much more significant role in Fall Out Boy's music.

WENTZ: I wanted to do something easy and escapist. When Joe and I started the band, it was the worst band of all time. I feel like people said, 'Oh, yeah, you started Fall Out Boy to get big.' Dude, there was way more of a chance of every other band getting big in my head than Fall Out Boy. It was a side thing that was fun to do. Racetraitor and Extinction were big bands to me. We wanted to do pop-punk because it would be fun and hilarious. It was definitely on a lark. We weren't good. If it was an attempt at selling out, it was a very poor attempt.

MCILRITH: It was such a thing for people to move from hardcore bands to bands called 'emo' or pop-punk, as those bands were starting to get some radio play and signed to major labels. Everyone thought it was easy, but it's not as easy as that. Most guys we knew who tried it never did anything more successful than their hardcore bands. But Pete did it! And if anyone was going to, it was going to be him. He never did anything half-assed. He ended up playing bass in so many bands in Chicago, even though he could barely play the bass then, because simply putting him in your band meant you'd have a better show. He was just more into it. He knew more about dynamics, about getting a crowd to react to what you're doing than most people. Putting Pete in your band put you up a few notches.

"I'm Writing You A Chorus And Here Is Your Verse" - When Pete met Patrick, early 2001.

MARK ROSE: Patrick Stump played drums in this grindcore band called Grinding Process. They had put out a live split cassette tape.

PATRICK STUMP: My ambition always outweighed my ability or actual place in the world. I was a drummer and played in many bands and tried to finagle my way into better ones but never really managed. I was usually outgunned by the same two guys: this guy Rocky Senesce; I'm not sure if he's playing anymore, but he was amazing. And this other guy, De'Mar Hamilton, who is now in Plain White T's. We'd always go out for the same bands. I felt like I was pretty good, but then those guys just mopped the floor with me. I hadn't been playing music for a few months. I think my girlfriend dumped me. I was feeling down. I wasn't really into pop-punk or emo. I think at the time I was into Rhino Records box sets.

TROHMAN: I was at the Borders in Eden's Plaza in Wilmette, Illinois. My friend Arthur was asking me about Neurosis. Patrick just walked up and started talking to me.

STUMP: I was a bit arrogant and cocky, like a lot of young musicians. Joe was talking kind of loudly and I overheard him say something about Neurosis, and I think I came in kind of snotty, kind of correcting whatever they had said.

TROHMAN: We just started talking about music, and my buddy Arthur got shoved out of the conversation. I told him about the band we were starting. Pete was this local hardcore celebrity, which intrigued Patrick.

STUMP: I had similar conversations with any number of kids my age. This conversation didn't feel crazy special. That's one of the things that's real about [Joe and I meeting], and that's honest about it, that's it's not some 'love at first sight' thing where we started talking about music and 'Holy smokes, we're going to have the best band ever!' I had been in a lot of bands up until then. Hardcore was a couple of years away from me at that point. I was over it, but Pete was in real bands; that was interesting. Now I'm curious and I want to do this thing, or at least see what happens. Joe said they needed a drummer, guitar player, or singer, and I kind of bluffed and said I could do any one of those things for a pop-punk band. I'd had a lot of conversations about starting bands where I meet up with somebody and maybe try to figure out some songs and then we'd never see each other again. There were a lot of false starts and I assumed this would be just another one of those, but it would be fun for this one to be with the guy from Racetraitor and Extinction.

TROHMAN: He gave me the link to his MP3.com page. There were a few songs of him just playing acoustic and singing. He was awesome.

WENTZ: Joe told me we were going to this kid's house who would probably be our drummer but could also sing. He sent me a link to Patrick singing some acoustic thing, but the quality was so horrible it was hard to tell what it was. Patrick answered the door in some wild outfit. He looked like an emo kid but from the Endpoint era - dorky and cool. We went into the basement, and he was like, trying to set up his drums.

TROHMAN: Patrick has said many times that he intended to try out on drums. I was pushing for him to sing after hearing his demos. 'Hey! Sing for us!' I asked him to take out his acoustic guitar. He played songs from Saves The Day's Through Being Cool. I think he sang most of the record to us. We were thrilled. We had never been around someone who could sing like that.

WENTZ: I don't think Patrick thought we were cool at all. We were hanging out, and he started playing acoustic guitar. He started singing, and I realized he could sing any Saves The Day song. I was like, 'Wow, that's the way those bands sound! We should just have you sing.' It had to be serendipity because Patrick drumming and Joe singing is not the same band. I never thought about singing. It wasn't the type of thing I could sing. I knew I'd be playing bass. I didn't think it'd even go beyond a few practices. It didn't seem like the thing I was setting myself up to do for the next several years of my life in any way. I was going to college. It was just a fun getaway from the rest of life kind of thing to do.

STUMP: Andy was the first person we asked to play drums. Joe even brought him up in the Borders conversation. But Andy was too busy. He wasn't really interested, either, because we kind of sucked.

WENTZ: I wanted Hurley in the band, I was closest to him at the time, I had known him for a long time. I identified with him in the way that we were the younger dudes in our larger group. I tried to get him, but he was doing another band at the time, or multiple bands. He was Mani's go-to guy to play drums, always. I had asked him a few times. That should clue people into the fact that we weren't that good.

ANDY HURLEY: I knew Joe as 'Number One Fan.' We called him that because he was a huge fan of a band I was in, Kill The Slavemaster. When Fall Out Boy started, I was going to college full-time. I was in the band Project Rocket and I think The Kill Pill then, too.

MOSTOFI: After they got together the first or second time, Pete played me a recording and said, 'This is going to be big.' They had no songs, no name, no drummer. They could barely play their instruments. But Pete knew, and we believed him because we could see his drive and Patrick's potential. Patrick was prodigy. I imagine the first moment Pete heard him sing was probably like when I heard 15-year-old Andy Hurley play drums.

GUTIERREZ: One day at practice, Pete told me he had met some dudes with whom he was starting a pop-punk band. He said it would sound like a cross between New Found Glory and Lifetime. Then the more Fall Out Boy started to practice, the less active Arma Angelus became.

TROHMAN: We got hooked up with a friend named Ben Rose, who became our original drummer. We would practice in his parents' basement. We eventually wrote some pretty bad songs. I don't even have the demo. I have copies of Arma's demo, but I don't have that one.

MOSTOFI: We all knew that hardcore kids write better pop-punk songs than actual pop-punk kids. It had been proven. An experienced hardcore musician could bring a sense of aggression and urgency to the pop hooks in a way that a band like Yellowcard could never achieve. Pete and I had many conversations about this. He jokingly called it 'Softcore,' but that's precisely what it was. It's what he was going for. Take This To Your Grave sounds like Hot Topic, but it feels like CBGBs.

MCILRITH: Many hardcore guys who transitioned into pop-punk bands dumbed it down musically and lyrically. Fall Out Boy found a way to do it that wasn't dumbed down. They wrote music and lyrics that, if you listened closely, you could tell came from people who grew up into hardcore. Pete seemed to approach the song titles and lyrics the same way he attacked hardcore songs. You could see his signature on all of that.

STUMP: We all had very different ideas of what it should sound like. I signed up for Kid Dynamite, Strike Anywhere, or Dillinger Four. Pete was very into Lifetime and Saves The Day. I think both he and Joe were into New Found Glory and Blink-182. I still hadn't heard a lot of stuff. I was arrogant; I was a rock snob. I was over most pop-punk. But then I had this renaissance week where I was like, 'Man, you know what? I really do like The Descendents.' Like, the specific week I met Joe, it just happened to be that I was listening to a lot of Descendents. So, there was a part of me that was tickled by that idea. 'You know what? I'll try a pop-punk band. Why not?'

MOSTOFI: To be clear, they were trying to become a big band. But they did it by elevating radio-friendly pop punk, not debasing themselves for popularity. They were closely studying Drive-Thru Records bands like The Starting Line, who I couldn't stand. But they knew what they were doing. They extracted a few good elements from those bands and combined them with their other influences. Patrick never needed to be auto-tuned. He can sing. Pete never had to contrive this emotional depth. He always had it.

STUMP: The ideas for band names were obnoxious. At some point, Pete and I were arguing over it, and I think our first drummer, Ben Rose, who was in the hardcore band Strength In Numbers, suggested Fall Out Boy. Pete and I were like, 'Well, we don't hate that one. We'll keep it on the list.' But we never voted on a name.

"Fake It Like You Matter" - The Early Shows, 2001

The name Fall Out Boy made their shortlist, but their friends ultimately chose it for them. The line-up at the band's first show was Patrick Stump (sans guitar), Pete Wentz, Joe Trohman, drummer Ben Rose, and guitarist John Flamandan in his only FOB appearance.

STUMP: We didn't have a name at our two or three shows. We were basically booked as 'Pete's new band' as he was the most known of any of us. Pete and I were the artsy two.

TROHMAN: The rest of us had no idea what we were doing onstage.

STUMP: We took ourselves very seriously and completely different ideas on what was 'cool.' Pete at the time was somewhere between maybe Chuck Palahniuk and Charles Bukowski, and kind of New Romantic and Manchester stuff, so he had that in mind. The band names he suggested were long and verbose, somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I was pretty much only into Tom Waits, so I wanted everything to be a reference to Tom Waits. The first show was at DePaul [University] in some cafeteria. The room looked a lot nicer than punk rock shows are supposed to look, like a room where you couldn't jump off the walls. We played with a band called Stillwell. I want to say one of the other bands played Black Sabbath's Black Sabbath in its entirety. We were out of place. We were tossing a few different names around. The singer for Stillwell was in earshot of the conversation so I was like 'Hey, settle this for us,' and told him whatever name it was, which I can't remember. 'What do you think of this name?' He goes, 'It sucks.' And the way he said it, there was this element to it, like, 'You guys probably suck, too, so whatever.' That was our first show. We played first and only had three songs. That was John's only show with us, and I never saw him again. I was just singing without a guitar, and I had never just sung before; that was horrifying. We blazed through those songs.

ROSE: Patrick had this shoulder-length hair. Watching these guys who were known for heavier stuff play pop-punk was strange. Pete was hopping around with the X's on his hands. Spitalfield was similar; we were kids playing another style of music who heard Texas Is The Reason and Get Up Kids and said, 'We have to start a band like this.'

MOSTOFI: The first show was a lot of fun. The musical side wasn't there, but Pete and Patrick's humor and charisma were front and center.

TROHMAN: I remember having a conversation with Mani about stage presence. He was telling me how important it was. Coalesce and The Dillinger Escape Plan would throw mic stands and cabinets. We loved that visual excitement and appeal. Years later, Patrick sang a Fall Out Boy song with Taylor Swift at Giants Stadium. It was such a great show to watch that I was reminded of how wise Mani was to give me that advice back then. Mani was like a mentor for me, honestly. He would always guide me through stuff.

MOSTOFI: Those guys grew up in Chicago, either playing in or seeing Extinction, Racetraitor, Los Crudos, and other bands that liked to talk and talk between songs. Fall Out Boy did that, and it was amazing. Patrick was awkward in a knowing and hilarious way. He'd say something odd, and then Pete would zing him. Or Pete would try to say something too cool, and Patrick would remind him they were nerds. These are very personal memories for me. Millions of people have seen the well-oiled machine, but so few of us saw those guys when they were so carefree.

TROHMAN: We had this goofy, bad first show, but all I can tell you was that I was determined to make this band work, no matter what.

STUMP: I kind of assumed that was the end of that. 'Whatever, on with our lives.' But Joe was very determined. He was going to pick us up for practice and we were going to keep playing shows. He was going to make the band happen whether the rest of us wanted to or not. That's how we got past show number one. John left the band because we only had three songs and he wasn't very interested. In the interim, I filled in on guitar. I didn't consider myself a guitar player. Our second show was a college show in Southern Illinois or something.

MCILRITH: That show was with my other band, The Killing Tree.

STUMP: We showed up late and played before The Killing Tree. There was no one there besides the bands and our friends. I think we had voted on some names. Pete said 'Hey, we're whatever!'; probably something very long. And someone yells out, 'Fuck that, no, you're Fall Out Boy!' Then when The Killing Tree was playing, Tim said, 'I want to thank Fall Out Boy.' Everyone looked up to Tim, so when he forced the name on us, it was fine. I was a diehard Simpsons fan, without question. I go pretty deep on The Simpsons. Joe and I would just rattle off Simpsons quotes. I used to do a lot of Simpsons impressions. Ben was very into Simpsons; he had a whole closet full of Simpsons action figures.

"If Only You Knew I Was Terrified" - The Early Recordings, 2002-2003

Wentz's relationships in the hardcore scene led to Fall Out Boy's first official releases. A convoluted and rarely properly explained chain of events resulted in the Fall Out Boy/Project Rocket split EP and Fall Out Boy's Evening Out with Your Girlfriend. Both were issued by California's Uprising Records, whose discography included Racetraitor's first album and the debut EP by Burn It Down. The band traveled to Wisconsin to record their first proper demo with engineer Jared Logan, drummer for Uprising's 7 Angels 7 Plagues.

TROHMAN: This isn't to be confused with the demo we did in Ben's basement, which was like a tape demo. This was our first real demo.

STUMP: Between booking the demo and recording it, we lost Ben Rose. He was the greatest guy, but it wasn't working out musically. Pete and Joe decided I should play drums on the demo. But Jared is a sick drummer, so he just did it.

TROHMAN: We had gotten this great singer but went through a series of drummers that didn't work out. I had to be the one who kicked Ben out. Not long after, our friend Brett Bunting played with us. I don't think he really wanted to do it, which was a bummer.

STUMP: I showed up to record that demo, feeling pulled into it. I liked hanging out with the guys, but I was a rock snob who didn't really want to be making that type of music. The first few songs were really rough. We were sloppy. We barely practiced. Pete was in Arma Angelus. Joe was the guy determined to make it happen. We couldn't keep a drummer or guitar player, and I could barely play guitar. I didn't really want to be in Fall Out Boy. We had these crappy songs that kind of happened; it didn't feel like anything. Joe did the guitars. I go in to do the vocals, I put on the headphones, and it starts playing and was kind of not bad! It was pretty good, actually. I was shocked. That was the first time I was like, 'Maybe I am supposed to be in this band.' I enjoyed hearing it back.

SEAN MUTTAQI: Wentz and I were pretty tight. He sent me some demos, and while I didn't know it would get as big as it did, I knew it was special. Wentz had a clear vision. Of all the guys from that scene, he was the most singularly focused on taking things to the next level. He was ahead of the game with promotion and the early days of social media.

STUMP: Arma Angelus had been on Eulogy. We talked to them a bit and spoke to Uprising because they had put out Racetraitor. At some point, the demo got to Sean, and he decided to make it half of a split with Andy's band, Project Rocket. We were pretty happy with that.

HURLEY: It was kind of competitive for me at the time. Project Rocket and Fall Out Boy were both doing pop-punk/pop-rock, I met Patrick through the band. I didn't really know him before Fall Out Boy.

TROHMAN: We got this drummer, Mike Pareskuwicz, who had been in a hardcore band from Central Illinois called Subsist.

STUMP: Uprising wanted us to make an album. We thought that was cool, but we only had those three songs that were on the split. We were still figuring ourselves out. One of the times we were recording with Jared in the studio, for the split or the album, this guy T.J. Kunasch was there. He was like, 'Hey, do you guys need a guitarist?' And he joined.

MUTTAQI: I borrowed some money to get them back in the studio. The songwriting was cool on that record, but it was all rushed. The urgency to get something out led to the recording being subpar. Their new drummer looked the part but couldn't really play. They had already tracked the drums before they realized it didn't sound so hot.

STUMP: The recording experience was not fun. We had two days to do an entire album. Mike was an awesome dude, but he lived crazy far away, in Kanakee, Illinois, so the drive to Milwaukee wasn't easy for him. He had to work or something the next day. So, he did everything in one take and left. He played alone, without a click, so it was a ness to figure out. We had to guess where the guitar was supposed to go. None of us liked the songs because we had slapped them together. We thought it all sucked. But I thought, 'Well, at least it'll be cool to have something out.' Then a lot of time went by. Smaller labels were at the mercy of money, and it was crazy expensive to put out a record back then.

MUTTAQI: Our record was being rushed out to help generate some interest, but that interest was building before we could even get the record out. We were beholden to finances while changing distribution partners and dealing with other delays. The buck stops with me, yes, but I didn't have that much control over the scheduling.

WENTZ: It's not what I would consider the first Fall Out Boy record. Hurley isn't on it and he's an integral part of the Fall Out Boy sound. But it is part of the history, the legacy. NASA didn't go right to the moon. They did test flights in the desert. Those are our test flights in the desert. It's not something I'm ashamed of or have weird feelings about.

STUMP: It's kind of embarrassing to me. Evening Out... isn't representative of the band we became. I liked Sean a lot, so it's nothing against him. If anybody wants to check out the band in that era, I think the split EP is a lot cooler. Plus, Andy is on that one.

TROHMAN: T.J. was the guy who showed up to the show without a guitar. He was the guy that could never get it right, but he was in the band for a while because we wanted a second guitar player. He's a nice dude but wasn't great to be in a band with back then. One day he drove unprompted from Racine to Chicago to pick up some gear. I don't know how he got into my parents' house, but the next thing I knew, he was in my bedroom. I didn't like being woken up and kicked him out of the band from bed.

STUMP: Our friend Brian Bennance asked us to do a split 7" with 504 Plan, which was a big band to us. Brian offered to pay for us to record with Sean O'Keefe, which was also a big deal. Mike couldn't get the time off work to record with us. We asked Andy to play on the songs. He agreed to do it, but only if he could make it in time after recording an entire EP with his band, The Kill Pill, in Chicago, on the same day.

MOSTOFI: Andy and I started The Kill Pill shortly after Racetraitor split up, not long after Fall Out Boy had formed. We played a bunch of local shows together. The minute Andy finished tracking drums for our EP in Chicago, he raced to the other studio in Madison.

STUMP: I'm getting ready to record the drums myself, getting levels and checking the drums, pretty much ready to go. And then in walks Andy Hurley. I was a little bummed because I really wanted to play drums that day. But then Andy goes through it all in like two takes and fucking nailed the entire thing. He just knocked it out of the park. All of us were like, 'That's crazy!'

WENTZ: When Andy came in, It just felt different. It was one of those 'a-ha' moments.

STUMP: Sean leaned over to us and said, 'You need to get this guy in the band.'

SEAN O'KEEFE: We had a blast. We pumped It out. We did it fast and to analog tape. People believe it was very Pro Tools oriented, but it really was done to 24-track tape. Patrick sang his ass off.

STUMP: The songs we had were 'Dead On Arrival,' 'Saturday,' and 'Homesick at Space Camp. There are quite a few songs that ended up on Take This To You Grave where I wrote most of the lyrics but Pete titled them.

WENTZ: 'Space Camp' was a reference to the 1986 movie, SpaceCamp, and the idea of space camp. Space camp wasn't something anyone in my area went to. Maybe they did, but it was never an option for me. It seems like the little kid version of meeting Jay-Z. The idea was also: what if you, like Joaquin Phoenix in the movie, took off to outer space and wanted to get home? 'I made it to space and now I'm just homesick and want to hang out with my friends.' In the greater sense, it's about having it all, but it's still not enough. There's a pop culture reference in 'Saturday' that a lot of people miss. 'Pete and I attack the lost Astoria' was a reference to The Goonies, which was filmed in Astoria, Oregon.

HURLEY: I remember hearing those recordings, especially 'Dead on Arrival,' and Patrick's voice and how well written those songs were, especially relative to anything else I had done - I had a feeling that this could do something.

WENTZ: It seemed like it would stall out if we didn't get a solid drummer in the band soon. That was the link that we couldn't nail down. Patrick was always a big musical presence. He thinks and writes rhythmi-cally, and we couldn't get a drummer to do what he wanted or speak his language. Hurley was the first one that could. It's like hearing two drummers talk together when they really get it. It sounds like a foreign language because it's not something I'm keyed into. Patrick needed someone on a similar musical plane. I wasn't there. Joe was younger and was probably headed there.

HURLEY: When Patrick was doing harmonies, it was like Queen. He's such a brilliant dude. I was always in bands that did a record and then broke up. I felt like this was a band that could tour a lot like the hardcore bands we loved, even if we had to have day jobs, too.

"(Four) Tired Boys And A Broken Down Van" - The Early Tours, 2002-2003

STUMP: We booked a tour with Spitalfield, another Chicago band, who had records out, so they were a big deal to us. We replaced T.J. with a guy named Brandon Hamm. He was never officially in the band. He quit when we were practicing 'Saturday.' He goes, 'I don't like that. I don't want to do this anymore.' Pete talked with guitarist Chris Envy from Showoff, who had just broken up. Chris said, 'Yeah, I'll play in your band.' He came to two practices, then quit like two days before the tour. It was only a two-week tour, but Mike couldn't get the time off work from Best Buy, or maybe it was Blockbuster. We had to lose Mike, which was the hardest member change for me. It was unpleasant.

TROHMAN: We had been trying to get Andy to join the band for a while. Even back at that first Borders conversation, we talked about him, but he was too busy at the time.

STUMP: I borrowed one of Joe's guitars and jumped in the fire. We were in this legendarily shitty used van Pete had gotten. It belonged to some flower shop, so it had this ominously worn-out flower decal outside and no windows [except in the front]. Crappy brakes, no A/C, missing the rearview mirror, no seats in the back, only the driver's seat. About 10 minutes into the tour, we hit something. A tire exploded and slingshot into the passenger side mirror, sending glass flying into the van. We pulled over into some weird animal petting zoo. I remember thinking, 'This is a bad omen for this tour.' Spitalfield was awesome, and we became tight with them. Drew Brown, who was later in Weekend Nachos, was out with them, too. But most of the shows were canceled.

WENTZ: We'd end up in a town, and our show was canceled, or we'd have three days off. 'Let's just get on whatever show we can. Whatever, you can pay us in pizza.'

STUMP: We played in a pizza place. We basically blocked the line of people trying to order pizza, maybe a foot away from the shitty tables. Nobody is trying to watch a band. They're just there to eat pizza. And that was perhaps the biggest show we played on that tour. One of the best moments on the Spitalfied tour was in Lincoln, Nebraska. The local opener wasn't even there - they were at the bar across the street and showed up later with two people. Fall Out Boy played for Spitalfield, and Spitalfield played for Fall Out Boy. Even the sound guy had left. It was basically an empty room. It was miserable.

HURLEY: Even though we played a ton of shows in front of just the other bands, it was awesome. I've known Pete forever and always loved being in bands with him. After that tour, it was pretty much agreed that I would be in the band. I wanted to be in the band.

WENTZ: We would play literally any show in those days for free. We played Chain Reaction in Orange County with a bunch of metalcore bands. I want to say Underoath was one of them. I remember a lot of black shirts and crossed arms at those kinds of shows. STUMP: One thing that gets lost in the annals of history is Fall Out Boy, the discarded hardcore band. We played so many hardcore shows! The audiences were cool, but they were just like, 'This is OK, but we'd really rather be moshing right now.' Which was better than many of the receptions we got from pop-punk kids.

MOSTOFI: Pete made sure there was little division between the band and the audience. In hardcore, kids are encouraged to grab the mic. Pete was very conscious about making the crowd feel like friends. I saw them in Austin, Texas, in front of maybe ten kids. But it was very clear all ten of those kids felt like Pete's best friends. And they were, in a way.

MCILRITH: People started to get into social networking. That kind of thing was all new to us, and they were way ahead. They networked with their fans before any of us.

MOSTOFI: Pete shared a lot about his life online and was intimate as hell. It was a new type of scene. Pete extended the band's community as far as fiber optics let him.

ROSE: Pete was extremely driven. Looking back, I wish I had that killer instinct. During that tour; we played a show in Colorado. On the day of the show, we went to Kinko's to make flyers to hand out to college kids. Pete put ‘members of Saves The Day and Screeching Weasel’ on the flyer. He was just like, 'This will get people in.'

WENTZ: We booked a lot of our early shows through hardcore connections, and to some extent, that carries through to what Fall Out Boy shows are like today. If you come to see us play live, we're basically Slayer compared to everyone else when we play these pop radio shows. Some of that carries back to what you must do to avoid being heckled at hardcore shows. You may not like our music, but you will leave here respecting us. Not everyone is going to love you. Not everyone is going to give a shit. But you need to earn a crowd's respect. That was an important way for us to learn that.

MOSTOFI: All those dudes, except Andy, lived in this great apartment with our friend Brett Bunting, who was almost their drummer at one point. The proximity helped them gel.

STUMP: There were a lot of renegade last-minute shows where we'd just call and get added. We somehow ended up on a show with Head Automatica that way.

MCILRITH: At some point early on, they opened for Rise Against in a church basement in Downers Grove. We were doing well then; headlining that place was a big deal. Then Pete's band was coming up right behind us, and you could tell there was a lot of chatter about Fall Out Boy. I remember getting to the show, and there were many people there, many of whom I had never seen in the scene before. A lot of unfamiliar faces. A lot of people that wouldn't have normally found their way to the seedy Fireside Bowl in Chicago. These were young kids, and I was 21 then, so when I say young, I mean really young. Clearly, Fall Out Boy had tapped into something the rest of us had not. People were super excited to see them play and freaked out; there was a lot of enthusiasm at that show. After they finished, their fans bailed. They were dedicated. They wanted to see Fall Out Boy. They didn't necessarily want to see Rise Against play. That was my first clue that, 'Whoa, what Pete told me that day at Arma Angelus rehearsal is coming true. He was right.' Whatever he was doing was working.

"My Insides Are Copper, And I'd Like To Make Them Gold" - The Record Labels Come Calling, 2002

STUMP: The split EP was going to be a three-way split with 504 Plan, August Premier, and us at one point. But then the record just never happened. Brian backed out of putting it out. We asked him if we could do something else with the three songs and he didn't really seem to care. So, we started shopping the three songs as a demo. Pete ended up framing the rejection letters we got from a lot of pop-punk labels. But some were interested.

HURLEY: We wanted to be on Drive-Thru Records so bad. That was the label.

RICHARD REINES: After we started talking to them, I found the demo they had sent us in the office. I played it for my sister. We decided everything together. She liked them but wasn't as crazy about them as I was. We arranged with Pete to see them practice. We had started a new label called Rushmore. Fall Out Boy wasn't the best live band. We weren't thrilled [by the showcase]. But the songs were great. We both had to love a band to sign them, so my sister said, 'If you love them so much, let's sign them to Rushmore, not Drive Thru.'

HURLEY: We did a showcase for Richard and Stephanie Reines. They were just kind of like, 'Yeah, we have this side label thing. We'd be interested in having you on that.' I remember them saying they passed on Saves The Day and wished they would have put out Through Being Cool. But then they [basically] passed on us by offering to put us on Rushmore. We realized we could settle for that, but we knew it wasn't the right thing.

RORY FELTON: Kevin Knight had a website, TheScout, which always featured great new bands. I believe he shared the demo with us. I flew out to Chicago. Joe and Patrick picked me up at the airport. I saw them play at a VFW hall, Patrick drank an entire bottle of hot sauce on a dare at dinner, and then we all went to see the movie The Ring. I slept on the couch in their apartment, the one featured on the cover of Take This To Your Grave. Chad [Pearson], my partner, also flew out to meet with the band.

STUMP: It was a weird time to be a band because it was feast or famine. At first, no one wanted us. Then as soon as one label said, 'Maybe we'll give 'em a shot,' suddenly there's a frenzy of phone calls from record labels. We were getting our shirts printed by Victory Records. One day, we went to pick up shirts, and someone came downstairs and said, 'Um, guys? [Owner] Tony [Brummel] wants to see you.' We were like, 'Did we forget to pay an invoice?' He made us an offer on the spot. We said, 'That's awesome, but we need to think about it.' It was one of those 'now or never' kinds of things. I think we had even left the van running. It was that kind of sudden; we were overwhelmed by it.

HURLEY: They told me Tony said something like, 'You can be with the Nike of the record industry or the Keds of the record industry.'

STUMP: We'd get random calls at the apartment. 'Hey, I'm a manager with so-and-so.' I talked to some boy band manager who said, 'We think you'll be a good fit.'

TROHMAN: The idea of a manager was a ‘big-time' thing. I answered a call one day, and this guy is like, 'I'm the manager for the Butthole Surfers, and I'd really like to work with you guys.' I just said, Yeah, I really like the Butthole Surfers, but I'll have to call you back.' And I do love that band. But I just knew that wasn't the right thing.

STUMP: Not all the archetypes you always read about are true. The label guys aren't all out to get you. Some are total douchebags. But then there are a lot who are sweet and genuine. It's the same thing with managers. I really liked the Militia Group. They told us it was poor form to talk to us without a manager. They recommended Bob McLynn.

FELTON: We knew the guys at Crush from working with Acceptance and The Beautiful Mistake. We thought they'd be great for Fall Out Boy, so we sent the music to their team.

STUMP: They said Crush was their favorite management company and gave us their number. Crush's biggest band at the time was American Hi-Fi. Jonathan Daniels, the guy who started the company, sent a manager to see us. The guy was like, "This band sucks!' But Jonathan liked us and thought someone should do something with us. Bob was his youngest rookie manager. He had never managed anyone, and we had never been managed.

BOB MCLYNN: Someone else from my office who isn't with us anymore had seen them, but I hadn't seen them yet. At the time, we'd tried to manage Brand New; they went elsewhere, and I was bummed. Then we got the Fall Out Boy demo, and I was like, Wow. This sounds even better. This guy can really sing, and these songs are great.' I remember going at it hard after that whole thing. Fall Out Boy was my consolation prize. I don't know if they were talking to other managers or not, but Pete and I clicked.

TROHMAN: In addition to being really creative, Pete is really business savvy. We all have a bullshit detector these days, but Pete already had one back then. We met Bob, and we felt like this dude wouldn't fuck us over.

STUMP: We were the misfit toy that nobody else wanted. Bob really believed in us when nobody else did and when nobody believed in him. What's funny is that all the other managers at Crush were gone within a year. It was just Bob and Jonathan, and now they're partners. Bob was the weird New York Hardcore guy who scared me at the time.

TROHMAN: We felt safe with him. He's a big, hulking dude.

MCLYNN: We tried to make a deal with The Militia Group, but they wouldn't back off on a few things in the agreement. I told them those were deal breakers, opening the door to everyone else. I knew this band needed a shot to do bigger and better things.

TROHMAN: He told us not to sign with the label that recommended him to us. We thought there was something very honest about that.

MCLYNN: They paid all their dues. Those guys worked harder than any band I'd ever seen, and I was all about it. I had been in bands before and had just gotten out. I was getting out of the van just as these guys got into one. They busted their asses.

STUMP: A few labels basically said the same thing: they wanted to hear more. They weren't convinced we could write another song as good as 'Dead On Arrival.' I took that as a challenge. We returned to Sean a few months after those initial three songs, this time at Gravity Studios in Chicago. We recorded ‘Grenade Jumper' and 'Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy' in a night or two. 'Where is Your Boy' was my, 'Fine, you don't think I can write a fucking song? Here's your hit song, jerks!' But I must have pushed Pete pretty hard [arguing about the songs]. One night, as he and I drove with Joe, Pete said, 'Guys, I don't think I want to do this band anymore.' We talked about it for the rest of the ride home. I didn't want to be in the band in the first place! I was like, 'No! That's not fair! Don't leave me with this band! Don't make me kind of like this band, and then leave it! That's bullshit!' Pete didn't stay at the apartment that night. I called him at his parent's house. I told him I wasn't going to do the band without him. He was like, 'Don't break up your band over it.' I said, 'It's not my band. It's a band that you, Joe, and I started.' He was like, 'OK, I'll stick around.' And he came back with a vengeance.

WENTZ: It was maybe the first time we realized we could do these songs titles that didn't have much do with the song from the outside. Grand Theft Auto was such a big pop culture franchise. If you said the phrase back then, everyone recognized it. The play on words was about someone stealing your time in the fall. It was the earliest experimentation with that so it was a little simplistic compared to the stuff we did later. At the time, we'd tell someone the song title, and they'd say, 'You mean "Auto"'?

JOHN JANICK: I saw their name on fliers and thought it was strange. But I remembered it. Then I saw them on a flyer with one of our bands from Chicago, August Premier. I called them and asked about this band whose name I had seen on a few flyers now. They told me they were good and I should check it out. I heard an early version of a song online and instantly fell in love with it. Drive-Thru, The Militia Group, and a few majors tried to sign them. I was the odd man out. But I knew I wanted them right away.

HURLEY: Fueled By Ramen was co-owned by Vinnie [Fiorello] from Less Than Jake. It wasn't necessarily a band I grew up loving, but I had so much respect for them and what they had done and were doing.

JANICK: I randomly cold-called them at the apartment and spoke to Patrick. He told me I had to talk to Pete. I spoke to Pete later that day. We ended up talking on the phone for an hour. It was crazy. I never flew out there. I just got to know them over the phone.

MCLYNN: There were majors [interested], but I didn't want the band on a major right away. I knew they wouldn't understand the band. Rob Stevenson from Island Records knew all the indie labels were trying to sign Fall Out Boy. We did this first-ever incubator sort of deal. I also didn't want to stay on an indie forever; I felt we needed to develop and have a chance to do bigger and better things, but these indies didn't necessarily have radio staff. It was sort of the perfect scenario. Island gave us money to go on Fueled By Ramen, with whom we did a one-off. No one else would offer a one-off on an indie.

STUMP: They were the smallest of the labels involved, with the least 'gloss.' I said, 'I don't know about this, Pete.' Pete was the one who thought it was the smartest move. He pointed out that we could be a big fish in a small pond. So, we rolled the dice.

HURLEY: It was a one-record deal with Fueled By Ramen. We didn't necessarily get signed to Island, but they had the 'right of first refusal' [for the album following Take This To Your Grave]. It was an awesome deal. It was kind of unheard of, maybe, but there was a bunch of money coming from Island that we didn't have to recoup for promo type of things.

JANICK: The company was so focused on making sure we broke Fall Out Boy; any other label probably wouldn't have had that dedication. Pete and I talked for at least an hour every day. Pete and I became so close, so much so that we started Decaydance. It was his thing, but we ended up signing Panic! At The Disco, Gym Class Heroes, Cobra Starship.

GUTIERREZ: Who could predict Pete would A&R all those bands? There's no Panic! At The Disco or Gym Class Heroes without Wentz. He made them into celebrities.

"Turn This Up And I'll Tune You Out" - The Making of Take This To You Grave, 2003

The versions of "Dead on Arrival," "Saturday," and "Homesick at Space Camp" from the first sessions with Andy on drums are what appear on the album. "Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy" and "Grenade Jumper" are the demo versions recorded later in Chicago. O'Keefe recorded the music for the rest of the songs at Smart Studios once again. They knocked out the remaining songs in just nine days. Sean and Patrick snuck into Gravity Studios in the middle of the night to track vocals in the dead of winter. Patrick sang those seven songs from two to five in the morning in those sessions.

STUMP: John Janick basically said, ‘I'll buy those five songs and we'll make them part of the album, and here's some money to go record seven more.'

MCLYNN: It was a true indie deal with Fueled by Ramen. I think we got between $15,000 and $18,000 all-in to make the album. The band slept on the studio floor some nights.

STUMP: From a recording standpoint, it was amazing. It was very pro, we had Sean, all this gear, the fun studio accoutrements were there. It was competitive with anything we did afterward. But meanwhile, we're still four broke idiots.

WENTZ: We fibbed to our parents about what we were doing. I was supposed to be in school. I didn't have access to money or a credit card. I don't think any of us did.

STUMP: I don't think we slept anywhere we could shower, which was horrifying. There was a girl that Andy's girlfriend at the time went to school with who let us sleep on her floor, but we'd be there for maybe four hours at a time. It was crazy.

HURLEY: Once, Patrick thought it would be a good idea to spray this citrus bathroom spray under his arms like deodorant. It just destroyed him because it's not made for that. But it was all an awesome adventure.

WENTZ: We were so green we didn't really know how studios worked. Every day there was soda for the band. We asked, 'Could you take that soda money and buy us peanut butter, jelly, and bread?' which they did. I hear that stuff in some ways when I listen to that album.

HURLEY: Sean pushed us. He was such a perfectionist, which was awesome. I felt like, ‘This is what a real professional band does.' It was our first real studio experience.

WENTZ: Seeing the Nirvana Nevermind plaque on the wall was mind-blowing. They showed us the mic that had been used on that album.

HURLEY: The mic that Kurt Cobain used, that was pretty awesome, crazy, legendary, and cool. But we didn't get to use it.

WENTZ: They said only Shirley Manson] from Garbage could use it.

O'KEEFE: Those dudes were all straight edge at the time. It came up in conversation that I had smoked weed once a few months before. That started this joke that I was this huge stoner, which obviously I wasn't. They'd call me 'Scoobie Snacks O'Keefe' and all these things. When they turned in the art for the record, they thanked me with like ten different stoner nicknames - 'Dimebag O'Keefe' and stuff like that. The record company made Pete take like seven of them out because they said it was excessively ridiculous.

WENTZ: Sean was very helpful. He worked within the budget and took us more seriously than anyone else other than Patrick. There were no cameras around. There was no documentation. There was nothing to indicate this would be some ‘legendary' session. There are 12 songs on the album because those were all the songs we had. There was no pomp or circumstance or anything to suggest it would be an 'important’ record.

STUMP: Pete and I were starting to carve out our niches. When Pete [re-committed himself to the band], it felt like he had a list of things in his head he wanted to do right. Lyrics were on that list. He wasn't playing around anymore. I wrote the majority of the lyrics up to that point - ‘Saturday,' 'Dead on Arrival,' ‘Where's Your Boy?,’ ‘Grenade Jumper,' and ‘Homesick at Space Camp.' I was an artsy-fartsy dude who didn't want to be in a pop-punk band, so I was going really easy on the lyrics. I wasn't taking them seriously. When I look back on it, I did write some alright stuff. But I wasn't trying. Pete doesn't fuck around like that, and he does not take that kindly. When we returned to the studio, he started picking apart every word, every syllable. He started giving me [notes]. I got so exasperated at one point I was like, ‘You just write the fucking lyrics, dude. Just give me your lyrics, and I'll write around them.' Kind of angrily. So, he did. We hadn't quite figured out how to do it, though. I would write a song, scrap my lyrics, and try to fit his into where mine had been. It was exhausting. It was a rough process. It made both of us unhappy.

MCLYNN: I came from the post-hardcore scene in New York and wasn't a big fan of the pop-punk stuff happening. What struck me with these guys was the phenomenal lyrics and Patrick's insane voice. Many guys in these kinds of bands can sing alright, but Patrick was like a real singer. This guy had soul. He'd take these great lyrics Pete wrote and combine it with that soul, and that's what made their unique sound. They both put their hearts on their sleeves when they wrote together.

STUMP: We had a massive fight over 'Chicago is So Two Years Ago.' I didn't even want to record that song. I was being precious with things that were mine. Part of me thought the band wouldn't work out, and I'd go to college and do some music alone. I had a skeletal version of 'Chicago...'. I was playing it to myself in the lobby of the studio. I didn't know anyone was listening. Sean was walking by and wanted to [introduce it to the others]. I kind of lost my song. I was very precious about it. Pete didn't like some of the lyrics, so we fought. We argued over each word, one at a time. 'Tell That Mick...' was also a pretty big fight. Pete ended up throwing out all my words on that one. That was the first song where he wrote the entire set of lyrics. My only change was light that smoke' instead of ‘cigarette' because I didn't have enough syllables to say 'cigarette.' Everything else was verbatim what he handed to me. I realized I must really want to be in this band at this point if I'm willing to put up with this much fuss. The sound was always more important to me - the rhythm of the words, alliteration, syncopation - was all very exciting. Pete didn't care about any of that. He was all meaning. He didn't care how good the words sounded if they weren't amazing when you read them. Man, did we fight about that. We fought for nine days straight while not sleeping and smelling like shit. It was one long argument, but I think some of the best moments resulted from that.

WENTZ: In 'Calm Before the Storm,' Patrick wrote the line, 'There's a song on the radio that says, 'Let's Get This Party Started' which is a direct reference to Pink's 2001 song 'Get the Party Started.' 'Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today' is a line from the movie Rushmore. I thought we'd catch a little more flack for that, but even when we played it in Ireland, there was none of that. It's embraced, more like a shoutout.

STUMP: Pete and I met up on a lot of the same pop culture. He was more into '80s stuff than I was. One of the first things we talked about were Wes Anderson movies.

WENTZ: Another thing driving that song title was the knowledge that our fanbase wouldn't necessarily be familiar with Wes Anderson. It could be something that not only inspired us but something fans could also go check out. People don't ask us about that song so much now, but in that era, we'd answer and tell them to go watch Rushmore. You gotta see this movie. This line is a hilarious part of it.' Hopefully some people did. I encountered Jason Schwartzman at a party once. We didn't get to talk about the movie, but he was the sweetest human, and I was just geeking out. He told me he was writing a film with Wes Anderson about a train trip in India. I wanted to know about the writing process. He was like, 'Well, he's in New York City, I'm in LA. It's crazy because I'm on the phone all the time and my ear gets really hot.' That's the anecdote I got, and I loved it.

O'KEEFE: They're totally different people who approach making music from entirely different angles. It's cool to see them work. Pete would want a certain lyric. Patrick was focused on the phrasing. Pete would say the words were stupid and hand Patrick a revision, and Patrick would say I can't sing those the way I need to sing this. They would go through ten revisions for one song. I thought I would lose my mind with both of them, but then they would find it, and it would be fantastic. When they work together, it lights up. It takes on a life of its own. It's not always happy. There's a lot of push and pull, and each is trying to get their thing. With Take This To Your Grave, we never let anything go until all three of us were happy. Those guys were made to do this together.

WENTZ: A lot of the little things weren't a big deal, but those were things that [felt like] major decisions. I didn't want 'Where Is Your Boy' on Take This To Your Grave.

JANICK: I freaked out. I called Bob and said, 'We must put this song on the album! It's one of the biggest songs.' He agreed. We called Pete and talked about it; he was cool about it and heard us out.

WENTZ: I thought many things were humongous, and they just weren't. They didn't matter one way or another.

"Our Lawyer Made Us Change The (Album Cover)" - That Photo On Take This To Your Grave, 2003

STUMP: The band was rooted in nostalgia from early on. The '80s references were very much Pete's aesthetic. He had an idea for the cover. It ended up being his girlfriend at the time, face down on the bed, exhausted, in his bedroom. That was his bedroom in our apartment. His room was full of toys, '80s cereals. If we ended up with the Abbey Road cover of pop-punk, that original one was Sgt. Pepper's. But we couldn't legally clear any of the stuff in the photo. Darth Vader, Count Chocula…

WENTZ: There's a bunch of junk in there: a Morrissey poster, I think a Cher poster, Edward Scissorhands. We submitted it to Fueled by Ramen, and they were like, 'We can't clear any of this stuff.’ The original album cover did eventually come out on the vinyl version.

STUMP: The photo that ended up being the cover was simply a promo photo for that album cycle. We had to scramble. I was pushing the Blue Note jazz records feel. That's why the CD looks a bit like vinyl and why our names are listed on the front. I wanted a live photo on the cover. Pete liked the Blue Note idea but didn't like the live photo idea. I also made the fateful decision to have my name listed as 'Stump' rather than Stumph.

WENTZ: What we used was initially supposed to be the back cover. I remember someone in the band being pissed about it forever. Not everyone was into having our names on the cover. It was a strange thing to do at the time. But had the original cover been used, it wouldn't have been as iconic as what we ended up with. It wouldn't have been a conversation piece. That stupid futon in our house was busted in the middle. We're sitting close to each other because the futon was broken. The exposed brick wall was because it was the worst apartment ever. It makes me wonder: How many of these are accidental moments? At the time, there was nothing iconic about it. If we had a bigger budget, we probably would have ended up with a goofier cover that no one would have cared about.

STUMP: One of the things I liked about the cover was that it went along with something Pete had always said. I'm sure people will find this ironic, but Pete had always wanted to create a culture with the band where it was about all four guys and not just one guy. He had the foresight to even think about things like that. I didn't think anyone would give a fuck about our band! At the time, it was The Pete Wentz Band to most people. With that album cover, he was trying to reject that and [demonstrate] that all four of us mattered. A lot of people still don't get that, but whatever. I liked that element of the cover. It felt like a team. It felt like Voltron. It wasn't what I like to call 'the flying V photo' where the singer is squarely in the center, the most important, and everyone else is nearest the camera in order of 'importance.' The drummer would be in the very back. Maybe the DJ guy who scratches records was behind the drummer.

"You Need Him. I Could Be Him. Where Is Your Boy Tonight?" - The Dynamics of Punk Pop's Fab 4, 2003

Patrick seemed like something of the anti-frontman, never hogging the spotlight and often shrinking underneath his baseball hat. Wentz was more talkative, more out front on stage and in interviews, in a way that felt unprecedented for a bass player who wasn't also singing. In some ways, Fall Out Boy operated as a two-headed dictatorship. Wentz and Stump are in the car's front seat while Joe and Andy ride in the back.

STUMP: There is a lot of truth to that. Somebody must be in the front seat, no question. But the analogy doesn't really work for us; were more like a Swiss Army knife. You've got all these different attachments, but they are all part of the same thing. When you need one specific tool, the rest go back into the handle. That was how the band functioned and still does in many ways. Pete didn't want anyone to get screwed. Some things we've done might not have been the best business decision but were the right human decision. That was very much Pete's thing. I was 19 and very reactionary. If someone pissed me off, I'd be like, 'Screw them forever!' But Pete was very tactful. He was the business guy. Joe was active on the internet. He wouldn't stop believing in this band. He was the promotions guy. Andy was an honest instrumentalist: ‘I'm a drummer, and I'm going to be the best fucking drummer I can be.' He is very disciplined. None of us were that way aside from him. I was the dictator in the studio. I didn't know what producing was at the time or how it worked, but in retrospect, I've produced a lot of records because I'm an asshole in the studio. I'm a nice guy, but I'm not the nicest guy in the studio. It's a lot easier to know what you don't want. We carved out those roles early. We were very dependent on each other.

MCLYNN: I remember sitting in Japan with those guys. None of them were drinking then, but I was drinking plenty. It was happening there, their first time over, and all the shows were sold out. I remember looking at Pete and Patrick and telling Pete, ‘You're the luckiest guy in the world because you found this guy.' Patrick laughed. Then I turned to Patrick and said the same thing to him. Because really, they're yin and yang. They fit together so perfectly. The fact that Patrick found this guy with this vision, Pete had everything for the band laid out in his mind. Patrick, how he can sing, and what he did with Pete's lyrics - no one else could have done that. We tried it, even with the Black Cards project in 2010. We'd find these vocalists. Pete would write lyrics, and they'd try to form them into songs, but they just couldn't do it the way Patrick could. Pete has notebooks full of stuff that Patrick turns into songs. Not only can he sing like that, but how he turns those into songs is an art unto itself. It's really the combination of those two guys that make Fall Out Boy what it is. They're fortunate they found each other.

"I Could Walk This Fine Line Between Elation And Success. We All Know Which Way I'm Going To Strike The Stake Between My Chest" - Fall Out Boy Hits the Mainstream, 2003

Released on May 6, 2003, Take This To Your Grave massively connected with fans. (Fall Out Boy's Evening Out with Your Girlfriend arrived in stores less than two months earlier.) While Take This To Your Grave didn't crack the Billboard 200 upon its release, it eventually spent 30 weeks on the charts. From Under the Cork Tree debuted in the Top 10 just two years later, largely on Grave's momentum. 2007's Infinity on High bowed at #1.

WENTZ: I remember noticing it was getting insane when we would do in-stores. We'd still play anywhere. That was our deal. We liked being able to sell our stuff in the stores, too. It would turn into a riot. We played a Hollister at the mall in Schaumburg, Illinois. A lot of these stores were pretty corporate with a lot of rules, but Hollister would let us rip. Our merch guy was wearing board shorts, took this surfboard off the wall, and started crowd-surfing with it during the last song. I remember thinking things had gotten insane right at that moment.

HURLEY: When we toured with Less Than Jake, there were these samplers with two of their songs and two of ours. Giving those out was a surreal moment. To have real promotion for a record... It wasn't just an ad in a 'zine or something. It was awesome.

MCLYNN: They toured with The Reunion Show, Knockout, and Punch-line. One of their first big tours as an opening act was with MEST. There would be sold-out shows with 1,000 kids, and they would be singing along to Fall Out Boy much louder than to MEST. It was like, 'What's going on here?' It was the same deal with Less Than Jake. It really started catching fire months into the album being out. You just knew something was happening. As a headliner, they went from 500-capacity clubs to 1500 - 2000 capacity venues.

WENTZ: We always wanted to play The Metro in Chicago. It got awkward when they started asking us to play after this band or that band. There were bands we grew up with that were now smaller than us. Headlining The Metro was just wild. My parents came.

MCLYNN: There was a week on Warped Tour, and there was some beel because these guys were up-and-comers, and some of the bands that were a little more established weren't too happy. They were getting a little shit on Warped Tour that week, sort of their initiation. They were on this little, shitty stage. So many kids showed up to watch them in Detroit, and the kids rushed the stage, and it collapsed. The PA failed after like three songs. They finished with an acapella, 'Where is Your Boy,’ and the whole crowd sang along.

WENTZ: That's when every show started ending in a riot because it couldn't be contained. We ended up getting banned from a lot of venues because the entire crowd would end up onstage. It was pure energy. We'd be billed on tour as the opening band, and the promoter would tell us we had to close the show or else everyone would leave after we played. We were a good band to have that happen to because there wasn't any ego. We were just like, "Oh, that's weird.' It was just bizarre. When my parents saw it was this wid thing, they said, 'OK, yeah, maybe take a year off from college.' That year is still going on.

MCLYNN: That Warped Tour was when the band's first big magazine cover, by far, hit the stands. I give a lot of credit to Norman Wonderly and Mike Shea at Alternative Press. They saw what was happening with Fall Out Boy and were like, 'We know it's early with you guys, but we want to give you a cover.' It was the biggest thing to happen to any of us. It really helped kick it to another level. It helped stoke the fires that were burning. This is back when bands like Green Day, Blink-182, and No Doubt still sold millions of records left and right. It was a leap of faith for AP to step out on Fall Out Boy the way they did.

STUMP: That was our first big cover. It was crazy. My parents flipped out. That wasn't a small zine. It was a magazine my mom could find in a bookstore and tell her friends. It was a shocking time. It's still like that. Once the surrealism starts, it never ends. I was onstage with Taylor Swift ten years later. That statement just sounds insane. It's fucking crazy. But when I was onstage, I just fell into it. I wasn't thinking about how crazy it was until afterward. It was the same thing with the AP cover. We were so busy that it was just another one of those things we were doing that day. When we left, I was like, 'Holy fuck! We're on the cover of a magazine! One that I read! I have a subscription to that!'

HURLEY: Getting an 'In The Studio' blurb was a big deal. I remember seeing bands 'in the studio' and thinking, Man, I would love to be in that and have people care that we're in the studio.' There were more minor things, but that was our first big cover.

STUMP: One thing I remember about the photo shoot is I was asked to take off my hat. I was forced to take it off and had been wearing that hat for a while. I never wanted to be the lead singer. I always hoped to be a second guitarist with a backup singer role. I lobbied to find someone else to be the proper singer. But here I was, being the lead singer, and I fucking hated it. When I was a drummer, I was always behind something. Somehow the hat thing started. Pete gave me a hat instead of throwing it away - I think it's the one I'm wearing on the cover of Take This To Your Grave. It became like my Linus blanket. I had my hat, and I could permanently hide. You couldn't see my eyes or much of me, and I was very comfortable that way. The AP cover shoot was the first time someone asked me to remove it. My mom has a poster of that cover in her house, and every time I see it, I see the fear on my face - just trying to maintain composure while filled with terror and insecurity. ‘Why is there a camera on me?'

JANICK: We pounded the pavement every week for two years. We believed early on that something great was going to happen. As we moved to 100,000 and 200,000 albums, there were points where everything was tipping. When they were on the cover of Alternative Press. When they did Warped for five days, and the stage collapsed. We went into Christmas with the band selling 2000 to 3000 a week and in the listening stations at Hot Topic. Fueled By Ramen had never had anything like that before.

MOSTOFI: Pete and I used to joke that if he weren't straight edge, he would have likely been sent to prison or worse at some point before Fall Out Boy. Pete has a predisposition to addictive behavior and chemical dependency. This is something we talked about a lot back in the day. Straight Edge helped him avoid some of the traps of adolescence.

WENTZ: I was straight edge at the time. I don't think our band would have been so successful without that. The bands we were touring with were partying like crazy. Straight Edge helped solidify the relationship between the four of us. We were playing for the love of music, not for partying or girls or stuff like that. We liked being little maniacs running around. Hurley and I were kind of the younger brothers of the hardcore kids we were in bands with. This was an attempt to get out of that shadow a little bit. Nobody is going to compare this band to Racetraitor. You know when you don't want to do exactly what your dad or older brother does? There was a little bit of that.

"Take This To Your Grave, And I'll Take It To Mine" - The Legacy of Take This To Your Grave, 2003-2023

Take This To Your Grave represents a time before the paparazzi followed Wentz to Starbucks, before marriages and children, Disney soundtracks, and all the highs and lows of an illustrious career. The album altered the course for everyone involved with its creation. Crush Music added Miley Cyrus, Green Day, and Weezer to their roster. Fueled By Ramen signed Twenty One Pilots, Paramore, A Day To Remember, and All Time Low.

STUMP: I'm so proud of Take This To Your Grave. I had no idea how much people were going to react to it. I didn't know Fall Out Boy was that good of a band. We were this shitty post-hardcore band that decided to do a bunch of pop-punk before I went to college, and Pete went back to opening for Hatebreed. That was the plan. Somehow this record happened. To explain to people now how beautiful and accidental that record was is difficult. It seems like it had to have been planned, but no, we were that shitty band that opened for 25 Ta Life.

HURLEY: We wanted to make a record as perfect as Saves The Day's Through Being Cool. A front-to-back perfect collection of songs. That was our obsession with Take This To Your Grave. We were just trying to make a record that could be compared in any way to that record. There's just something special about when the four of us came together.

WENTZ: It blows my mind when I hear people talking about Take This To Your Grave or see people including it on lists because it was just this tiny personal thing. It was very barebones. That was all we had, and we gave everything we had to it. Maybe that's how these big iconic bands feel about those records, too. Perhaps that's how James Hetfield feels when we talk about Kill 'Em All. That album was probably the last moment many people had of having us as their band that their little brother didn't know about. I have those feelings about certain bands, too. 'This band was mine. That was the last time I could talk about them at school without anyone knowing who the fuck I was talking about.' That was the case with Take This To Your Grave.

TROHMAN: Before Save Rock N' Roll, there was a rumor that we would come back with one new song and then do a Take This To Your Grave tenth-anniversary tour. But we weren't going to do what people thought we would do. We weren't going to [wear out] our old material by just returning from the hiatus with a Take This To Your Grave tour.

WENTZ: We've been asked why we haven't done a Take This To Your Grave tour. In some ways, it's more respectful not to do that. It would feel like we were taking advantage of where that record sits, what it means to people and us.

HURLEY: When Metallica released Death Magnetic, I loved the record, but I feel like Load and Reload were better in a way, because you knew that's what they wanted to do.

TROHMAN: Some people want us to make Grave again, but I'm not 17. It would be hard to do something like that without it being contrived. Were proud of those songs. We know that’s where we came from. We know the album is an important part of our history.

STUMP: There's always going to be a Take This To Your Grave purist fan who wants that forever: But no matter what we do, we cannot give you 2003. It'll never happen again. I know the feeling, because I've lived it with my favorite bands, too. But there's a whole other chunk of our fans who have grown with us and followed this journey we're on. We were this happy accident that somehow came together. It’s tempting to plagarize yourself. But it’s way more satisfying and exciting to surprise yourself.

MCILRITH: Fall Out Boy is an important band for so many reasons. I know people don't expect the singer of Rise Against to say that, but they really are. If nothing else, they created so much dialog and conversation within not just a scene but an international scene. They were smart. They got accused of being this kiddie pop punk band, but they did smart things with their success. I say that, especially as a guy who grew up playing in the same Chicago hardcore bands that would go on and confront be-ing a part of mainstream music. Mainstream music and the mainstream world are machines that can chew your band up if you don't have your head on straight when you get into it. It's a fast-moving river, and you need to know what direction you're going in before you get into it. If you don't and you hesitate, it'll take you for a ride. Knowing those guys, they went into it with a really good idea. That's something that the hardcore instilled in all of us. Knowing where you stand on those things, we cut our teeth on the hardcore scene, and it made us ready for anything that the world could throw at us, including the giant music industry.

[starrvsn]

౨ৎ ּ ׅ ۫ ✧ 。BOYS IN THE BOAT ˚₊ ꒰ PRETTY LIKE YOU !

﹙ MOVIE/FANDOM ⠆THE BOYS IN THE BOAT ﹚

𝟒𝟏𝟏. some of the ficitonal characters from the boys in the boat, reactions to you giving them flowers :)

STAR LEFT A MESSAGE! hi friends! i know i haven't posted in a while but i just recently watched the boys in the boat and i absolutely loved it! especially the cast, full of fine talented men- so here's a little something about them with more to come! if you have any requests or ideas about them please let me know!

INCLUDES ⠆joe rantz, don hume, bobby mach, george hunt and chuck day (just some of the characters im partially attached to…)

BOBBY MOCH ⠆

after their first win of the season, you greet bobby with a bouquet of flowers themed after the school's colors— immediately giving him praise and compliments about their win today. you knew he had a rough past season with the last crew, now seeing him with a new crew he trusted, something he was so passionate about. you were excited for him!

when he asks where this all came from, you shrug the gesture off as if it was nothing. stating that the flowers just reminded you of him and just had to give them to him. a wide smile tugs on his lips as he accepts them, his hand caressing yours gently. he appreciated them more than you knew. pulling you close, he presses a kiss on the crown of your head. caring less about his damp uniform or the loud crowd around you, just you and him.

“thank you lovely, these are beautiful.”

DON HUME ⠆

he's absolutely speechless, it wasn't everyday a man would recieve flowers and don didn't think he would be one of them. his eyebrows jump to his hairline when he sees you at the entrance of the shell house with a bouquet of flowers in your hands. his breath hitches as he asks where you got them from and you reply kindly that they're for him, giving him a sweet smile which he returns. you wanted to congratulate him for making the team, it wasn't easy and all the effort he put in finally paid off. a faint blush falls on his cheeks as he takes them, a beautiful arrangement of daisy's and poppy's held by a piece of brown parchment. he takes your hand tugging you into a hug, squeezing you appreciatively. there weren’t enough words to describe how much he loved them,

"this bouquet might be just as pretty as you." now you blush, playfully slapping this arm as you continue to hold him close. he wanted to keep them alive for as long as he can and maybe get you a bouquet in return. later (few months) when he sneaks you into the dorms he see's the bouquet in a glass still thriving well, making your heart swell.

JOE RANTZ ⠆

he's gotten several bouquets from several girls after winning gold in the olympics. he's received a many of gifts from different people but none of them felt as special as yours. when he saw you for the first time since their win in germany, you had planned to go out on a date to celebrate so when he comes to pick you up with his own bouquet in hand. imagine his surprise and delight when he sees you walk out of the building with your own bouquet in hand. he lets out a soft laugh in disbelief watching as you. a proud smile on your lips, almost skipping towards him.

"ever so original rantz?" you jokingly say, fiddling with the fabric of your dress. holding the flowers to him— they're almost identical to his except, he has your favorite flower in the bunch making your heart swell.

"i didn't know you were gonna get me flowers." he replies, ever so charming smile gracing his lips. you tell him you wanted to surprise him— a token of your appreciation for all that he's done, all the hard work he and all the other boys put in. he thanks you greatly, exchanging your bouquets. he presses a sweet, chaste kiss on your lips before interlocking hands and walking to your date destination.

GEORGE HUNT ⠆

george didn't really take mind to trivial things of interest like that, what his favorite flower was but he made a great deal to what yours were and he never missed the chance to give you flowers when he could— after any occasion he would give them to you. if you passed your exam or got into a fight, he'd get flowers to make it up to you. he didn't really expect to get his own flowers, as it really wasn't a thing.

so one day when practice was particularly grueling and draining, the last thing your boyfriend had expected was seeing you; with a small bouquet of flowers in your hands waiting outside the crews dorm. you were speaking with roger, keeping you company. "who are those for?" george announces himself, now standing between the two of you. you chuckle bidding roger goodbye as he leaves, now alone with your boyfriend— a timid smile forming.

"pretty flowers for a pretty boy." you proclaimed, holding out the bouquet to him. he huffs a laugh taking them carefully, admiring them. he raises a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, cradling your cheek— caressing it gently.

"these a perfect darling, just like you."

CHUCK DAY ⠆

“a new admirer giving you flowers? giving me a run for my money?” chuck eyes the bouquet in your hands, noticing that there was none of your favorite flowers in them— what kind of admirer were they? you let out a soft giggle that sounds like music to his ears. he won't lie, a slight pang of jealousy hits him at the thought of another man giving you flowers but he'd ask you another day.

"no silly, they're for you." you reply, standing from the bench to give them to him. he lets out a small breath of relief, practically melting at the gesture. he takes a hand that was stuffed in his pocket to take the flowers from you, eyeing them carefully. you tell him that some of the flowers had meaning— like the red tulips and daisy's meaning love. his gaze softens as you continue to explain, a loving smile gracing his lips as he admires your face and the bouquet. lovingly, he plucks a flower from the bouquet and tucks it behind your ear

"you're so sweet you know that." his hand running down your arm, grasping your hand gently rubbing your knuckles. you almost swoon— tilting your head in admiration "well you deserve the best, i hope you know." he knows, with you around it's hard to forget.

ownership of starrvsn. please do not repost, modify or translate.

[lanawinterscigarettes]

hi!! i absolutely love the layout of your account <33 i was wondering if i could request a joe goldberg x fem! reader where you’re as obsessed with him as he is with you and you manage to get him into a situation similar to the ending of season 3? like you drug him. but he REALLY doesn’t expect it. so you’re planning on keeping him for yourself and he’s trying to figure out a way to escape?? you can decide the ending <3

aw, thank you so much! you're the very first person to request something for joe, which makes me unbelievably happy <33

All Tied Up (Joe Goldberg x fem reader)

Warnings: the reader is obsessed with Joe to an unhealthy degree, swearing, restraints via rope, drugging, kidnapping, mentions of murder, brief mention of Joe being a bit of a pervert, drinking (wine), manipulation/blackmail, kissing that could technically be seen as dubcon since Joe's drugged/tied up when it happens

Shit, this wasn't supposed to happen- that's where his mind immediately went when he woke to find his arms and legs restrained to a chair with some rope, his vision blurry. You'd drugged him. Great.

When Joe met you, it was like a dream come true. You were so much better than Candace, or Beck, or any other girl he'd ever been with before in the past. You were perfect. Or so he thought.

He really should've known it was too good to be true. After all, he'd been down this road before so many times, always expecting a different outcome, but there never was. Excuse him for being optimistic.

The problem was that you weren't a bright-eyed, innocent good girl like Beck. Not like he'd thought. Instead, you were obsessive, almost like a leech with the way you latched onto him so quickly.

At first, he was flattered. He liked not having to be the one to iniate everything. He liked being taken care of the way he took care of you. And he like all the time you spent together.

What he didn't like, however, was your obsessive nature that rivaled his, and even Love's. In fact, she paled in comparison to you.

He really should've learned after what happened with her. If something seems too good to be true, it's most likely because it is. But alas, he did not, which is why he now found himself to be tied up in your kitchen.

Why did he have to go and mess everything up by confronting you with the bloody shirt he found at the very bottom of your laundry hamper? He could've just put it back and you would've been none the wiser, then none of this would've happened. (Of course, if he wasn't poking around your dirty clothes like a creep in the first place he wouldn't have known about it at all, but it was a little too late for that.)

You insisted the murder was only a one time thing, that the girl you killed had gotten too close to him and he hadn't realized it. For one thing, he didn't believe you in the slightest, and for another, he was offended by the implication that he was unaware of other people's actions.

He obviously knew that she liked him, he just didn't think it was that big of a deal. Not big enough to address, certainly not big enough for her to be killed over.

Apparently, you disagreed, which naturally led to a huge fight. God, it was like Love all over again. Except you did something she'd never done, which was apologize. That certainly threw him for a loop, one that was big enough for him to let his guard down.

You even offered to cook dinner to make up for it. No problem, right? Just the two of you, spending some quality time together. If only he'd known you were going to spike his glass of wine, and maybe he wouldn't have been so quick to agree.

It was partially his own fault, he could admit that. He should've been more suspicious with how easily everything seemed to get cleared up and how quickly it took for you to calm back down.

But that would've been making comparisons with you to his past girlfriends, and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to compare you to Beck. He didn't want to compare you to Love. It felt like an insult to your relationship for him to do so.

God, why did it always have to be the perfect ones who ended up being crazy?

The sound of your footsteps snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up the best he could, his gaze foggy from whatever it was that you put in his wine.

"Oh, Joe," you sighed as you knelt down on the floor in front of him. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to have to hurt you."

Then untie me, you psycho bitch, was what he so desperately wanted to scream at you, but the alcohol combined with the drugs in his system made his mouth dry and tongue heavy, and because of that it was difficult for him to speak.

"You always look so pretty, especially when you pout." If he could, he would've moved away from your hand when you reached out to touch his face, but there seemed to be a disconnect between his brain and his body, causing him to stay still.

"I have to go check something really quick, okay? I want you to behave while I'm gone." He watched as you stood, gently running your fingers through his hair before leaving him alone again.

He had to get out of there. He couldn't be stuck with you the same way he almost got stuck with Love. He needed some sort of plan to escape.

Unfortunately, whatever the hell you used on him to keep him immobilized was doing a pretty damn good job of it. Even without the ropes keeping him tied up, there was no way he'd be able to get together the strength to move.

Maybe if he closed his eyes for just a second, he'd snap out of whatever sort of haze he was in and wake up to find out that this was all just a bad dream. You weren't crazy, you hadn't murdered anyone, you were just a sweet, normal girl who he happened to be in love with.

He must've fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew he was being jolted awake by the feeling of his body being moved around without his control, which was followed by a sharp jab to the back of his head.

Blinking a few times, he opened his eyes, realizing he was no longer in the kitchen and was instead in the basement to your house, laying on the floor as his head throbbed. You must've accidentally dropped him at one point when transporting him from one place to another, which certainly explained the welt he had forming, not to mention the headache.

He looked around, still a little groggy from a mixture of sleep and whatever you spiked him with. You weren't there from what he could see, and the rope you'd use to tie him up with was loose. Maybe this was the opportunity he so desperately needed to escape.

It took several tries, but finally he was able to untie himself. After a minute or so of trying to get over the light-headedness he felt, he got up and slowly started to make his way over to the steps that led back upstairs.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Your voice suddenly cut through the air, causing him to freeze in place. Looking up, he saw you standing at the top of the steps with your hands placed on your hips, watching him with a stern expression. He was screwed.

Unfortunately for him (and luckily for you) he was still feeling a little disoriented and dizzy, so it wasn't very hard for you to get him tied back up again. "I knew I should've used a better knot," you muttered to yourself, ignoring his fruitless attempts of squirming free. "Stop that. I gave you some more of the stuff I put into your wine while you were asleep, so I wouldn't waste your energy."

"Now-" You began as you stood back up again, staring down at where he sat on the floor. "-I want you to know that I really didn't want to have to do this. Nor did I want to have to do this, either."

He could only watch as you took out your phone and pulled up a collection of evidence- all of the evidence that directly linked him back to his string of several murders, including that of his wife, Love. Joe was speechless. How did you manage to get all of this stuff?

"Where I found this isn't important," you said casually, as if you could tell what he was thinking. "What is important is you knowing that the account where all of this information is kept needs to be logged onto at least once a day, or else it'll automatically send to the nearby police department, and the local news, and whoever else could make good use of it. And you don't have the password, so you can't just murder me and delete it all yourself."

Safe to say, he was in disbelief, too stunned to say anything. His past girlfriends may have provided some difficulty in getting rid of, but they were nothing like this. And now he was really screwed.

You looked smug, clearly proud of yourself for being able to outsmart him. "Now, I'm going to give you a choice. You can either leave or kill me, both of which will result in the information I know about what really happened to your past girlfriends and belated wife to be released. Or, you can stay, and no one will have to know but us. Choose wisely."

It was then he realized what he had to do meant he was never going to be able to be truly free. He was going to be stuck there with you, forever. Was prison really that bad that this was the choice he had to make?

Swallowing thickly, he opened his mouth to speak, uttering out one little sentence that was only two words. "I'll stay."

He could tell from the giddy look in your eyes that you were excited by his answer. "Good choice." You knelt down on the floor next to him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned in to give him a brief kiss. "Oh, baby, we're going to be so happy together."

His past caught up with him in a way that he never thought was possible, and now he was stuck in a trap of his own making. At this point, he truly did only have himself to blame.

End notes: idk if the bit with the evidence makes a lot of sense but I just thought it was a fun idea so 🤷 some artistic liberties may have been taken but that's okay

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[schlattsdoll]

Okay I thought of this while I was getting smth out of the car a few months ago (don’t ask lol)

Anyway

So, you go to a Lovejoy gig and you’re close to the stage. Will keeps making eye contact with you and it’s almost like he’s admiring you. And of course, you’re filming him, you’re getting this on camera. I mean, who wouldn’t? After the gig you’re outside on the sidewalk and Will comes up to you, guitar (in its case) in hand. And obviously this is after all the fans have left after trying to get the bands attention and you’re just trying to get an Uber. “Hey- I uh, thought you were really pretty and I was wondering if you wanted to go back to my place?” He asks you. Of course you say yes and ask for a picture and hug which he happily accepts. Once the band has gotten all their equipment put up in the van and has sat in said van Will pulls you down onto his lap and snuggles into the back of your neck, leaving soft kisses there. It makes you feel hot and flustered and the band is giggling at the two of you. And when you and Will get back to his those kisses get rougher and move to different places. Then, the two of you move to his bedroom and…. I’ll let you write the rest :)

(I’m sorry this is so long😭)

call me what you like - wilbur soot

warnings: smut{18+},afab reader, oral {m receiving} , rikki getting carried away,

you made damn sure you were as close to the barricade as humanly possible, it was lovejoy after all, and you had a crush on a certain singer. it wasnt often you attended a concert solo, but you made sure to make the best of it, making friends in line and the people around you. the preshow music cuts off and the lights dim, as the boys make their entrance. your phone camera is recording your beloved band, and you notice wilbur making his way towards your side of the stage. excitedly you zoom in your camera, and in a blink and you'll miss it moment, he winks at you. the rest of the concert you began to notice him favoring your area, and making eye contact with you.

the concert wraps and sadly, you didnt get a setlist or will's guitar pick like you had hoped for. the venue empties out, fans now desperately running outside to try and see them board the bus. you began to walk out of the venue and pulled up uber on your phone when you feel a tap on the shoulder. it was none other than wilbur soot himself. "oh my god! i'm such a huge fan of yours!"

will chuckled, "hello, obviously you know who i am, but i think you're really pretty and would like to get to know you." a tall man with shaggy brown hair smiled at you. "y-yeah, of course! my name is y/n." you managed to get out without turning into a total mess. you kindly ask him for a picture before he helps you sneak out the back. the whole time, you two are talking and shamelessly flirting. "i'd love to keep this going darling, why don't you come back to the bus with me for a drink?"

after you snuck into the bus, he realized there wasn't enough seats, and he simply pulled you down onto his lap. "i hope this is okay love, just wanna be close to you." he smiles up at you and kisses your cheek. his arms holding your back to his chest as his placed gentle kisses along the back of your neck, hands rubbing smooth circles into the plush of your thighs. his bandmates biting back laughs and giggles while your face flushes.

joe hands you and wilbur glasses of a clear liquid, and you cheers with them and down the shot with ease. the burn of alcohol in your throat, you smile and wiggle back into will, who's more than happy to be holding you. you do your best to turn around without getting off your seat, and he laughs until you managed to face him. "hi." "hello love." he kisses your cheek once again, then your forehead, then your nose, then finally your lips. your hands make their way to his hair, tugging the chocolate strands gently and if you listened close enough, you could hear a faint moan into the kiss.

the bus finally stopped at his apartment and you both pulled away breathlessly, a flush on both of your cheeks. he grabs his guitar and guides you too his room. "now, where were we?" he asked, placing down the guitar and sitting on his bed, patting the spot next to him. you walked over and instead of sitting next to him you straddle his lap, "somewhere about here." he smirks up at you, his hands finding their way up your back. he pulls you down and kisses you fiercely, hands fumbling towards the bottom of your top, tugging gently as a hint for you to raise your arms. you oblige his request and he does the same. he oogles your breasts, hands tentatively reaching forward for them. "may i?" you nodded your head and wilbur kisses his way down from your jaw to your neck, little purple marks blossoming down his path. he continues down to your clavicle, the finally your chest. taking one in his mouth, the other in his hand. his tongue flicking the sensitive bud while his hand gropes and squeezes, his thumb rubbing over your other nipple gently. once he's satisfied with his work on the one, he switches and repeats. "will, stop being a tease." you whine as he continues his ministrations on your breasts. he smirks and pinches and bites gently, causing your back to arch, grinding your clothed cunt down onto his growing erection. will pulls away, a dopey smile on his face, "sorry love, your tits are just amazing. wanna keep kissin' them." he places one last kiss to each before laying back against the bed, you now on top of him.

"we don't have to keep going if you don't want to darling." his arms are bent behind him, holding himself up. you shake your head, "i want you will, please take me?" another smile on his face as he replies "how can i say no to a sweet thing like you?" his hands rub your back gently as you lean down, now repeating his trail of kisses and bruises to him. as you do so, you shift down off the bed and onto your knees, pulling his jeans down his legs. you can see the growing wet patch near his tip, and he sucks in a breath as you palm him over his boxers. pulling those down too you see his cock spring out and slap against his tummy. he's not very thick, but what he lacks in thickness he makes up for in inches. you wrap your hand around it and stroke it tentatively, watching his eyes clench shut as you kitten lick the tip. "who's being a tease now love?" he jokes, right before he bites back a moan due to you licking down a particular vein, then taking the older man's member in your mouth. his hand makes its way down to your head where his fingers tangle in your hair, making a makeshift ponytail for you. he helps create a steady rhythm, bucking his hips while you keep your mouth open, until he eventually thrusts a little too hard, his large cock hitting the back of your throat. his eyes roll back as he moans, then he quickly pulls out, "'m sorry darling. did i hurt you?" you shook your head no, and to further prove him wrong you took him down as far as you could go, sucking and slowly bobbing your head. "fuck, just like that love. don't stop."

as he got close, he pulled himself out of your mouth. "normally i would return the favor, but i just can't wait to be inside you." will helped you off your knees and back and onto the bed. your jaw ached as he flipped up your skirt, seeing your frilly panties soaked, "all this just for me darling? you got this wet just from sucking my cock?" you could feel his calloused fingers from the flimsy material, whining for more contact. will pulled your panties down and flung them somewhere in the room. "you poor thing, all worked up. don't worry your pretty little head love, i'll take care of you." his thumb rubbed slow circles on your clit as he pushed himself into your hole. "s'fucking tight darling, feels so good."

his hips crashed against yours, the sounds of skin against skin filling the room. your moans of "fuck, will. dont stop." being music to his fucking ears. he leaned down to kiss you as he drilled into you, each thrust harder than the last. he brought his hand back to your sweet spot, rubbing at a speed to match his pace. you always thought he'd be skilled with his fingers but you never could imagine like this. his pace grew frantic and sloppy, eager to chase his release. “come on love, cum for me.” he said, feeling your walls tighten as you grew close to your own.

your back arches off the bed, eyes wide as will fucks you through your orgasm. “such a good girl, look so beautiful cumming on my cock.” he kisses you sweetly, and pulls out. stroking himself until he finishes on your stomach. after running to the bathroom to grab a washcloth, he gently cleans you off, being sure to be mindful of your sensitive area. flopping on the bed next to you he smiles and says “i don’t normally do this, but you’re just so beautiful i couldn’t help myself. tomorrow, let me take you on a proper date.” he kisses your cheek and you agreed. he pulled you close and held your waist. “you know, you don’t have to leave. please stay?”

and the whole night was spent talking and cuddling. you did eventually leave to get ready for your date with him, and he was a perfect gentleman. he drove you home and waited outside for you.

“so, darling, where are we off too?”

thank you so much for reading! as always my inbox is open for requests 💚

[janeyseymour]

Won't You Be... My Neighbor?- pt 4

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

super quick installment because @schemmentis wants the torture to drag on despite her claiming none of this is her fault

Summary: Joe shows up.

WC: 1.1k

(this gif is exactly what mel wishes she would've done to joe but doesnt)

Your eyes jump open at the woman’s earpiercing scream. And when they open, Joe is standing over top of the two of you.

“What the fuck?!” he screams as he winds up his bat again. Melissa raises her arms in self-defense, but its futile when the metal bat still comes into contact with her body and she yelps out in pain again. She falls to the floor, and before you can get up, the bat is hitting you too. You refuse to show any signs of pain or weakness though.

“You divorce me for fucking around with the babysitter, only for me to find you fucking your lawyer the day our divorce is finalized?!” he slurs out. His bat comes down on her a few more times while you’re still hissing in pain, and you swear you can hear her ribs crack as he delivers the final blow to her body.

Melissa lays there, clutching at her ribs and gasping out for air. And then he’s swinging at you again.

In reality, the two of you should be able to fend him off. Being snuck up on and jolted out of your dreaming state though makes it much harder as you try to blink away the sleep in your eyes while also trying to defend yourself and hissing out in pain from the first strike.

“G-get JJ,” Melissa croaks out, not even bothering to fight the pain at this point as she cries freely.

Almost in an instant, your eyes and Joe’s go wide, and you both race for the bedrooms. You’re faster than him, of course you are. He’s drunk, and you are stone cold sober and running on adrenaline at the mention of the innocent little boy hopefully still sleeping peacefully (although you’re not sure how he could possibly still be sleeping with his mother’s loud cries). Speed doesn’t matter though. Even with you trying to wrestle the bat out of his hands as you enter the hall, he’s able to strike you- once in the side, and once in the knee. At the blow to the knee, you stumble and fall. 

He’s able to get ahead of you, and he violently whips the door to his son’s bedroom open. He snatches the little boy from his bed harshly enough that JJ wakes up with a small cry.

“Shut the fuck up,” the grown man seethes. “Shut the fuck up!”

He stumbles out into the hallway, where you’ve just managed to pick yourself up off the ground. At the sight of that sweet little boy that has wormed his way into your heart, you see red. You never understood those stories that you would hear about adrenaline taking over and being able to do things that shouldn’t be possible, but here you are. There’s a fire in your eyes as you wrestle JJ out of the arms of a man who is easily double your size and cradle him as closely to your chest as you possibly can. You’re able to stumble your way into the bathroom and lock the door before Joe can get to you again.

“Y/N,” JJ cries as he clings to you, absolutely terrified. “Is this a nightmare? Why can’t I wake up?!”

“It’s real life, honey,” you whisper as you lean against the door. “But I have you, and you’re going to be okay, and your father can’t-” There’s a force against the door, and it shakes you where you stand pressed up against the piece of wood. “He can’t get to us,” you say quickly. You glance at the window. You’re on the second floor, and if it were just you, you would fly through it and deal with the injuries later. But with JJ? You don’t know if you can do that. You don’t know which option is safer at this point- flying through a second story window with a four year old cradled to your chest, or facing the wrath of a drunk and belligerent man hellbent on getting his son back.

Before you can decide though, he comes crashing through the door. Apparently his adrenaline is flowing now too in the haste to get to his son. You fight with him tooth and nail to keep that little boy in your arms, but when Joe throws a mean right hook that collides with your jaw, your grip loosens just enough for the man to grab JJ. Unfortunately, the little boy still has his arms clasped tightly around your neck, and when Joe pries him off, you can see the way that his shoulder pops out of its socket. The blood curdling scream that the youngest Schemmenti lets out is forever embedded in your head. The man is able to throw another punch at you, successfully temporarily stopping you from fighting with all your might just enough to get a head start on you. And then, Joe is off.

With the absolute searing pain now very apparent in your leg, you do your best to run after him, but by the time you make your way out the front door, you see his car peeling away with that little boy inside.

Defeated, you hobble your way back into the apartment complex. You wonder how no one on your floor had woken at the commotion. When you get back to Melissa’s her door is wide open, and she’s still laying there on the floor clutching at where Joe had struck her. Despite the pain rippling through your body, you kneel down next to her.

“Please,” she whispers through tears. “Please tell me you got JJ.”

You shake your head. “Joe has him. But I’m going to call 9-1-1, I’m going to tell them he broke and entered, we need an ambulance for you, and that an amber alert needs to go out on JJ.”

“I- I’m going to kill him,” Melissa hisses as she tries to sit up.

You gently push her back down to the floor. “You need to stay down while I make calls.”

It doesn’t take long for you to rattle off the necessary information to the call center, and when you come back, Melissa is still lying there gripping at her side.

“They’re coming,” you whisper as you sit down next to her. “They already have cops combing the area for him. He’s not going to get away with this.”

“He might,” the redhead groans out. “The motherfucker knows his way around.”

“He isn’t getting away with it this time,” you promise her. “And when they catch him, he’s never coming back.”

TAGS, and let me know if you want to be added! : @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson

[mrsburreaux]

Next time, Joe burrow x reader

Uhm so this is my first fic ever so I hope you guys like this and potentially would like more??🤞🏼😛 cause writing this was fun, like really fun. -Katrina

Warnings: none I don’t think, maybe y/n being fed up

The front door shut a little harder than usual, the sound echoing through the quiet house. You looked up from the couch where you’d been curled up under a blanket, waiting for Joe to get home. The Bengals had just lost to the Ravens, and you could feel the tension the moment he stepped inside.

“Hey,” you said cautiously, standing up and taking a step toward him. “Rough night?”

He let out a sharp breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. Something like that.”

You frowned, already sensing the storm brewing under his words. “I’m sorry, Joe. I know how much this game meant to you.”

“Yeah? Do you?” he snapped, his eyes flashing as he finally looked at you.

You blinked at the sharpness in his tone but tried to keep your voice calm. “I mean, I watched the game. It was tough. But it’s not all on you—”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, his voice rising. “Don’t try to tell me it’s not all on me. I’m the quarterback, Y/N. Everything runs through me. And when I can’t deliver, the whole team suffers. So yeah, it is my fault!”

You froze, the weight of his words hitting you like a punch. “Joe, I’m not blaming you. I’m just trying to talk to you.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want to talk right now!” he shot back, his voice louder this time.

You flinched, your chest tightening. “Seriously? That’s how you’re going to act? I’m the one who’s been sitting here worrying about you, waiting for you to come home so I could make you feel better. And this is how you talk to me?”

Joe turned away, pacing the room, his hands on his hips. “You don’t get it,” he muttered.

Your heart sank. “I don’t get it?” you repeated, your voice shaking now. “I don’t get what it’s like to feel like you’re not good enough? To feel like everything’s your fault? Joe, I’ve been there too, okay? Maybe not in front of thousands of people, but I know what it’s like to feel like you’re letting everyone down.”

He stopped pacing, but he didn’t turn around.

“And you know what?” you continued, your voice breaking. “I’ve never taken it out on you. I’ve never made you feel small just because I was upset.”

Silence filled the room, thick and heavy. Joe didn’t say anything. He just stood there, his back to you, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Finally, you shook your head and turned toward the bedroom. “I’m done trying to help you when you won’t let me in,” you said quietly before closing the door behind you.

———————————————————————————————————————

Minutes passed. Maybe more. You sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor, your heart still racing. You hated fighting with him, but you hated the way he’d spoken to you even more.

The door creaked open, and you looked up to see Joe standing there, his shoulders slumped. He looked different now—less angry, more… broken.

“Y/N,” he said softly, stepping inside.

You didn’t answer. You just waited.

He ran a hand down his face and let out a shaky breath. “I messed up.”

You crossed your arms, still waiting.

“I shouldn’t have talked to you like that,” he said, his voice thick. “I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t,” you said, your voice steady even though your eyes burned.

Joe stepped closer, his eyes pleading. “I know. And I’m so sorry. I just… I felt like I let everyone down tonight. The team. The fans. Myself. And then I came home, and you were trying to be there for me, and I—” He swallowed hard. “I pushed you away instead.”

You looked at him for a long moment, letting his words sink in. “You really hurt me, Joe.”

“I know,” he said quickly, reaching for your hands. “I hate that I did that. I swear it won’t happen again. I’ll do better. I need you, Y/N. Especially after nights like this.”

You let him take your hands, and when he squeezed them tightly, you felt the sincerity in his touch.

“Okay,” you said softly. “But don’t shut me out next time. Deal?”

“Deal,” he promised, leaning down to press a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead.

And as he pulled you into his arms, you felt the last of the tension melt away. You both knew there would be more hard games ahead—but this time, you’d face them together.

[luvu2themoonand2saturn]

one too many

joe burrow x fem!reader

warnings: absolutely sickening fluff. reader is drunk and clingy and sleepy (ie. me after 2 glasses of wine). endless pet names and soft, protective joe <3

word count: 1.6k

summary: joe takes care of you during a night out

all i want is to be babied like this oh. my. god. enjoy my loves!!

“I’m just going to run to the washroom, okay sweets?” Joe said to you quietly, beginning to remove his arm from your waist, shifting you from his thighs. 

“I’ll come,” you mumbled, standing up with him and reaching for his hand.

Taking your face in his hands, prepared for your incoherent disappointment, he replied, “Sweetheart, we can’t go to the same bathroom. I promise I’ll be back before you know it, ok?”

Realization dawned on your face as you murmured, “Oh, yeah.” Despite this, the grip of your hands on his forearms hadn’t loosened.

“Hey, Ja’Marr,” Joe called out. “Keep an eye on her while I run to the washroom, will you?” He smiled, gently taking your hands from his arms and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Be right back, pretty baby.”

“Bye, Joe.”

Ja’Marr pulled you back into the booth where the rest of your friends were gathered, nursing drinks and recovering from dancing. Several pairs of heels were loose under the table, having been discarded by their fed-up owners. Your eyes followed Joe as he moved across the room, weaving between people in varying states of stability,  until he was out of your sight. Your gaze blurred as you rested your head on your fist, elbow on the table. You were colder without him. Your crop top and mini skirt were far from warm enough if you weren’t either dancing in a crowd or tucked against Joe’s side. You shivered involuntarily. 

“You good, (y/n)?” Ja’Marr asked.

Turning your head to face him, you smiled softly, mumbling, “Just a little chilly.”

“Here he comes,” he said, gesturing towards Joe, who was already striding back towards your booth.

Slipping in beside you, he said, “Told you I’d be quick, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, leaning your head against his upper arm. The drunken fatigue, amplified by how energetically you’d danced throughout the evening, was starting to properly hit you. 

In the dim light, Joe saw the outline of goosebumps on your bare arms. “You cold, honey?”

“A little,” you replied. “Better now you’re here, though.”

He reached to pull his jacket off of the hook at the end of the booth. “Sit forward a bit, baby,” he said, settling the jacket around your shoulders. “Arms through now, there you go. Better?”

“Mhm,” you hummed in sleepy satisfaction, snuggling back underneath his arm, your eyes drifting shut. 

He finished the last sip of his drink as he let you slump against him. He had only had one this evening, wanting to be in the right shape to get you home and into bed in one piece. You, needless to say, had indulged in more than one drink. 

The conversation between Joe and your friends began to fade into the back of your consciousness, the sounds in the bar lulling you into a state of relaxation. Joe’s arm securely wrapped around your waist, his steady heartbeat in your ear, and his oversized jacket wrapped around you like a blanket didn’t help. You began to drift off, your head drooping against his chest. 

“Hey, baby - is she asleep?” Joe asked incredulously. 

Sam nodded in the affirmative. “Sure looks like it, man. She’s the only person I’ve ever met who can be hollering on the dance floor one hour and asleep on the edge of it the next.”

“Yeah, she’s a special one,” Joe chuckled fondly. Gently rubbing your back to try and raise you from your slumber, Joe said quietly, “Babygirl. Hey, baby, wake up. You fell asleep.”

You blinked awake, dazed, trying to regain your bearings. “No I didn’t,” you insisted. “Just closed my eyes for a second.”  

“Sure, honey. D’you want to head home? It’s getting late.”

“I don’t mind Joe, whatever you want.”

He shared a look with the rest of your friend group gathered around the table, none of whom envied him the task of getting you up and out of the booth. He didn’t mind though - you were especially cuddly and affectionate when inebriated and he would always do anything to take good care of you. “I think it’s time to go, baby. Do you need anything before we head off?” 

“Have to say goodbye,” you mumbled, vaguely gesturing around the booth as your eyes threatened to close once again. 

“Yes, sweetheart, say goodbye.”

“Bye guys, don’t have too much fun without me!” you said, the effects of the many cocktails you’d downed that evening heavy in your tone. 

A chorus of “Bye, (y/n)!” rose from the group, along with one, “Good luck with her, bro.”

Joe laughed. “This isn’t my first rodeo. She just needs to get to bed.”

“Bed sounds nice, Joey. Will you come with me?”

“Of course, sweetheart. We’re gonna stand up now, ok?” Joe helped you out of the booth and onto your feet, one arm around your waist to keep you upright against him, the other holding your small purse and his car keys. He wished everyone a good night and safe trips home, thanking them for the evening. 

Walking out of the bar, you yawned. “I’m sleepy,” you said, as if only realizing for the first time.

“That you are, pretty girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll have you home as soon as I can, okay?” Clicking the car unlocked, he helped you into the passenger seat, buckling your belt for you before getting into the driver’s side and starting the engine. 

He reversed out of the parking space, hand on the back of your headrest as he looked out the rear window. You couldn’t help but admire the view. “You’re so pretty when you’re driving,” you mused.

“Yeah? Thanks, sweetheart. You’re pretty cute in my passenger seat.” You blushed, looking out the window, suddenly bashful. “You blushing over there, sweet girl? It’s true, y’know.” His hand reached over the gearshift to rest on your bare thigh, stroking your skin with his thumb. You clasped his hand with both of yours, bringing it to your lips to press a kiss to his knuckles before holding your interlocked fingers against your cheek. You held his hand for the rest of the drive home, him giving you a gentle squeeze whenever you started to doze off.

“Stay awake for me just a little longer, honey.”

Finally, you were through the gate and down the winding driveway of your home. Joe switched off the ignition, hopping out of the car and coming around to your side to help you out. “Welcome home, sleepyhead.” Guiding you up the steps of the porch, at least one arm always around you, he fiddled with the lock, getting you both inside before bolting it again. “Hang on there, sweets, hold onto my shoulders,” he said, bending down to undo the little straps of your sandals before kicking off his own shoes. 

When he stood back up to his full height, he was met with your adoring and almost sad gaze looking up at him. “What is it, babygirl?” he asked softly.

“You just take such good care of me. I didn’t know people like you existed, much less what I did to deserve one,” you said quietly, sobering for an instant. 

He pulled you into his chest in a warm embrace. “You deserve the world, sweet girl. I promise you, I’m the lucky one here. I love looking after you. I love you.”

“I love you too, so much. Thank you.” 

He held you for a moment longer, gently swaying you side to side, before pulling back, all business. “Okay, mission get (y/n) to bed, commencing now. Let’s get you some water.” 

Having filled up your water bottle and gotten you to take two Advil, Joe led you upstairs to your bedroom. While you stripped out of your going out clothes, Joe tossed a pair of boyshorts and one of his long sleeve tees onto the bed for you to change into. You gratefully got into the comfy clothes, happy to discard your mini skirt. Joe, in a fresh pair of boxers, deposited your clothes into the laundry hamper before guiding you into the bathroom, hands on your waist. 

“Skincare time, baby.” You started to groan, just wanting to crawl into bed, but he cut you off. “Ah ah ah, last time I put you to bed without getting your makeup off you were so mad at me in the morning. Never again, sweet pea. Just a little makeup remover and moisturizer, alright?” 

He kissed your cheek before you started swiping a cotton pad across your face, discarding it once it was thoroughly streaked with black. He squeezed some moisturizer onto his fingertips, rubbing his hands together for a moment before gently applying it to your face. Another kiss, this one deposited on your nose, before he handed you your toothbrush, toothpaste already applied. While you brushed, trying to contain the foam with moderate success, he did his own face washing and teeth brushing.

After you’d gargled your mouthwash, Joe guided you to bed, hands on your hips, walking behind you. He pulled the covers back and you crawled in, curling up happily on the soft mattress and letting out an involuntary sigh of satisfaction. Joe climbed in on his side, switching off the lamp and gathering you into his arms. 

“C’mere, baby, I’ve got you. You rest that pretty head and we’ll hope you’re in decent shape in the morning.”

“Mhm, I love you, Joey,” you mumbled into his chest, nuzzling against his skin, craving every ounce of his warmth and touch.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Sleep well.” 

By the time he pressed a goodnight kiss to the crown of your head, your mind was already fading into a deep, dreamless sleep. 

[donttxtathebeach]

Forever & a Day| chapter 1 : Where the waves meet

Setting: A Quiet Beach in Charleston , South Carolina — A Year Before They Officially Start Dating ;starts off July of 2019 after drew started shooting season 1 of obx.( I don’t think that’s when they started shooting but for my sanity and how I planned this out it is )

warning: none:)

Word count: 1k

previous|next

masterlist

summary :

A lot of old feelings resurfaced. And while they tried to play it cool, you could tell there was something there. History? Chemistry? Maybe both. The beach turned into more than just a relaxing spot—it became the place where the past and present collided in the most unexpected way.

It was a picture-perfect Charelston day—a serene, sun-kissed beach with the sound of waves crashing against the shore, the salty breeze ruffling through the air. The sky stretched out in a brilliant shade of blue, the horizon blurred in the distance where the ocean met the sky. Y/N Williams, 21 -year-old (almost 22) supermodel who had been living her life in front of cameras since she could walk, was finally taking a well-deserved break. The kind of break that didn’t come often enough.

The beach house, nestled on the quiet coast of charelston , was her home, having moved out of her parents house as soon as she graduate, not because she did not want to be around them but becase she wnated to have her own space to be her. It was her sanctuary—a place to escape the chaos of the fashion world. Her mother, Maliah, had taught her to love the sea, while her father, Austin, had always been her rock, showing her how to navigate life’s challenges.

For the next few days, Y/N, along with her closest friends, Hailey Bieber and Sofia Richie, were here to recharge before the new fashion seasons kicked off. They’d spent most of the day lounging in the sun, enjoying the sound of the ocean and the laughter that filled the air. The girls were only all together for a week before all getting thrown back into their normal routines. She had suggested that they come visit her hometown, knowing how grounding the beach was. Y/N was in her element—no makeup, no cameras, just the soft light of the afternoon sun and the soft, rhythmic pulse of the waves.

She had thrown on a simple bikini, her tan skin glowing with the golden warmth of the sun, her hair perfectly framing her face falling into the most perfect beachy waves, her natural hair. People say it's fake but thanks to her mother's genetics her tan stays all year long. She had the kind of effortless beauty that only came when she was far from the spotlight. They had just gotten back from the store, oppting for buying grocieries for the week instead of going out for meals. She stretched her legs out on the towel, content and peaceful as she closed her eyes, feeling the world slow down.

Hailey adjusted her oversized sunglasses and leaned back, her smile wide as she took in the view. " I still can't get over your face when I pulled into the trader joe's parking lot, it was truly pricless" Haliey starts. " What that car is like my baby, I just wanted to make sure she was in the right hands" Y/n states like its obvious. “This place will never not amaze me ” Hailey changes the subject.

Sofia, lounging on her stomach next to them, half her face hidden behind large round sunglasses, joined in with her signature sass. “Seriously, this is like apainting in real life. I need to get myself a place like this.” the girls have all been here before, but never at the same time. Having grown up modeling together, if you had at least one of them, another was attached at the hip. She had formed a sister like relationship with sofia and a very special bond with haliey.

Y/N smiled lazily, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. “It’s home,” she said, a fondness in her voice. “Nothing like a little south Carolina sunshine to reset.”

She let out a deep breath, feeling the weight of her busy life melt away for a moment. Here, she was just a girl by the ocean, no one to impress, no cameras in sight. Just the sound of the waves and the cool breeze.

Elsewhere, a little further down the beach, Drew Starkey was caught up in his own world. Drew, who had become a household name playing Rafe Cameron on Outer Banks, was just another guy on the beach, his damp hair still dripping from an earlier swim. He was playing a casual game of football with his younger brother, Logan, both of them laughing and teasing one another in the carefree way only siblings could. Drew, had ditched his shirt a while agoleaving him in navy swim shorts, his athletic frame moving fluidly as he chased after the ball.

“Catch me if you can, Logan!” Drew called over his shoulder with a grin, clearly relishing the competition.

Logan, not one to back down, smirked and darted after him. “You wish! I’m about to leave you in the dust!”

They sprinted across the beach, the friendly rivalry lighting up their faces. He moved with that confident, natural athleticism, but as they both ran for the ball, it took a sharp turn to the left, just out of their reach. Neitherof them had noticed how close they were getting to where Y/N and her friends were lounging.

Then, the inevitable happened.

Drew’s foot caught awkwardly on the sand. In a split second, his body lurched forward, and before he could regain his balance, he tumbled right into Y/N, crashing down on top of her with an audible thud. The world seemed to pause for a moment, and then a copious amount of sand flew everywhere, covering her and her towel.

Y/N’s eyes snapped open as she felt the unexpected weight land on top of her. “Oh my gosh… what the hell ......Wait Drew, is that you?” she gasped, the words tumbling out in shock. her mind was going crazy, how could it be, was it really him. the boy she had fallen in love with all those years ago. " who is Drew" Hailey moths to sofia, even though she knows who it is sofia just shrugs her shoulders trying to watch the scene in front of them unfold.

For a moment, time seemed to freeze. Drew was sprawled on top of her, blinking in disbelief. It had been years since they had seen eachother; he had heard how she was doing becuase his sister brooke, the two having been attached at the hip since they could talk , and the occasional instagram stalking whenever he found himself on the app; which was a very rare occassion. All those times they hung around eachother growing up became a distant memory once they both went thier seperate ways. The realization hit them both at the same time. Drew—her old childhood friend—was here. On top of her. At the beach behind he house , of all places. They hadn’t seen each other in years, not since they were kids, playing on the beach, their families spending summers together.

The last time Y/N had heard anything about Drew was from the his sister and that was not even a week ago. Y/n had called Brooke to let her know that she would be out of town with a few friends, but wanted to let her know that they needed to schedule lunch when she was bak in New York. Brooke and y/n saw eachother often, living in the city had it's perks. it allowed them to meet up when both there schedules allowed it. Y/n frequents New York Hvaing opted to buying her own place since Modeling Season caused her to frequent the city for shoots.

Drew scrambled off her quickly, his face turning red from embarrassment. “Oh my god, Y/N, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there!” he said, his voice a mixture of panic and humor. He ran a hand through his damp hair, still laughing nervously as he brushed the sand off his body.

Y/N, still in a daze, sat up and blinked a few times, processing the situation. A small, surprised laugh escaped her lips. “I mean, seriously, Drew?” She chuckled, shaking her head, trying to make sense of the fact that the Drew , was the one who had just crashed into her on her beach towel. “You couldn’t have picked a better landing spot?” she laughed.

Drew’s grin was sheepish, and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, clearly flustered. “Yeah, that was not my finest moment,” he admitted, looking up at her. “I was just—y’know, I got caught up in the game with Logan, and—uh, I misjudged the jump. I swear, I’m usually better at this.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, brushing sand off her stomach as she laughed softly. “Well, I’ll give you credit for one thing. You gave me an unexpected exfoliation. So, thanks for that.”

Drew laughed, the sound rich and warm, as if the awkwardness of the moment was already starting to dissolve. “Hey, I’m nothing if not helpful,” he joked, feeling that familiar comfort between them starting to resurface.

Logan, who had been standing off to the side, watching the entire thing unfold, finally called out with a laugh. “Nice form, Drew! You definitely took her out with that one!”. Drew shot his brother a playful middle finger before turning back to Y/N. They fall into comfortable scilence before y/n begins to speak " Oh these are my friend'sHailey and sofia, they're here to unwind before our schedules get hectic again" y/n states ignoring the questioning stares she is getting from her friends.

He smiled at them, as the warmth of old memories bubbling to the surface. " it is nice to meet you guy's maybe not what you pictured your day to look like i presume" he laughs, the rest of them following suit lightening up the atmosphere. “Okay, seriously though, I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t see you guys until I was already going for the ball.” His voice softened with sincerity, something that only a few people could get from him. “I hope I didn’t ruin your day or anything.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile, her face softening. “You didn’t ruin anything,” she said, the warmth in her voice surprising even herself. She paused, then teasingly added, “But next time, maybe check before you launch yourself into the air?”

Hailey, who had been watching from a distance, called out playfully, “I hate to ruin, whatever this is but i'm not going to act like I am on the same page as sofia .” she laughs.

Sofia, with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous glint in her eyes, added, “Yeah, so you are going to have to catch Hailey up on everything, because i'm still a little lost on the whole Childhood friend lore”

Y/N flushed slightly, the color rising in her cheeks. She laughed, trying to keep things casual, but her eyes lingered on Drew for a beat longer than she intended. “We’ve known each other since we were kids,” she said quickly, shrugging it off. “Our families are close, his sister brooke, you guys rember brook and I are really close .”

Drew, noticing how Y/N’s gaze seemed to linger, raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, exactly. Old family friends. And now I’ve just made an unforgettable first impression. Perfect,” he said with a grin, trying to lighten the moment.

He glanced over at Logan, who was still laughing, and then at his parents, who had been watching from a distance. Drew turned back to Y/N, giving her a smile that carried the weight of the moment.

“Alright, well… I’m gonna go rescue my dignity and grab a drink. I totally owe you for this, Y/N,” he said, his tone light but sincere.

Y/N, still smiling, brushed the last of the sand off her towel. “hey don't worry, accident's happen Drew, it truly is no big deal.”

Drew’s grin widened as he gave her one last look. “You got it,it was nice well..... falling into you ” he said, before turning back toward his family, still laughing at himself.

Y/N watched him go, the familiar ache of nostalgia stirring deep inside her. It had been years since she’d seen him, but standing there in the soft glowof sun, it felt like no time had passed at all.

As Drew walked away, Hailey and Sofia exchanged a knowing look, clearly sensing something between them that Y/N hadn’t quite admitted to herself. Hailey leaned in with a smirk. “So… that didn’t seem like ‘nothing.’ that was not a "just friend's" encounter ?”

Sofia, always one to poke fun, grinned widely. “Yeah, I’m not buying that ‘old friends’ excuse. What’s the real story here, Y/N?”

Y/N chuckled, shaking her head, though the blush on her cheeks didn’t quite fade. She glanced out at Drew, who was now a few yards away, talking to Logan.

“I don’t know… I guess it’s just… good to see him again,” she said softly, her tone more thoughtful than she intended. She wasn’t sure if it was the familiarity or the unexpectedness of it all, but something inside her felt like it had just shifted.

The air between them was electric, even if she wasn’t quite ready to admit why.

[littlepadika]

Joel thoughts… What about Petal had a close encounter with an infected while little (Joel of course gets them out of it) and ever since then Petal has been scared to be little cause she feels guilty for putting her and Joel at risk so Joel is trying to coax her into little space and make her feel safe. 💝

noooo dis has me so so emo 😢 (thanks for ur patience bb). i hope you likie 💕

Close l Joel Miller x fem!Reader

Warnings: DDLG, scary situation, angy joel, angst and comfort, talk about littlespace

It was supposed to be safe, damnit. He had scouted this trail a few days ago to make sure there were no infected. The area around the meadow seemed quiet and secluded. Close enough to the border that the town took turns checking. It was sunny and all the wild flowers were in bloom. You were so excited to finally get out.

He should never have taken you there.

It was perfect for a moment. The sun lighting up every corner of the meadow and you had brought him a flower crown. You were in littlespace, not paying attention. Fuck, he wasn't paying attention. And that's when they came. Out of nowhere. Two of them. Running across the field, their horrible faces pointed right at you.

"Petal!" He had dropped everything and ran to you. He dropped his gun. What the hell was he thinking.

"Daddy!" Your wide smile now a wide scream as you met him halfway. You cling onto him and refuse to move.

"Come on, baby girl." He grabs you by the shoulders and tries to pull you back towards where his gun is lying under the shade of the tree. "We gotta run. Come on!"

"Daddy!" You're too scared. Frozen to the spot. You're clawing at his t-shirt like you're trying to crawl inside. And the infected are getting closer. It's the first time in a long time that he's seen one so up close. You look behind your shoulder and shriek. He feels his panic rise.

"Fuck fuck." Joe grunts. He can hardly focus. His heartbeat is loud in his ears and there's this awful sensation that he's been here before. He heaves you over his shoulder and makes a run for it. He knows he has about a five seconds to grab his gun and making the shot.

Joel couldn't tell you how he managed it. Managed to shoot the two in pursuit. He blacked out. All he knew is that he couldn't get you to talk for a few minutes.

"Hey... hey... you're safe." He held you close to his chest, blinking back his own tears that bubbled up.

"Daddy... daddy..." was all you were whimpering. Like you were stuck.

Other folk nearby heard the shots and showed up. Joel told them what happened.

"But why are you out here any way?" One of them, Harper, demanded.

"I thought it was safe. I mean- we're less than one mile from the border."

"It's my fault." You finally spoke up quietly from behind his shoulder.

"No-" he frowned immediately.

"I wanted to come out here." You hugged yourself. Shame bubbled in your tummy. "I was stupid."

"Just..." Harper sighed. "I'm glad ya'll are okay. We can't let our guard down for anything."

Joel bit down his retort as Harper gave him a disappointed glance. Joel wasn't reckless with you. But it sure seemed that way. All the adrenaline made his hand shake as it reached for yours.

"Are you alright?" He asked and he knew it was a stupid question.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, fresh tears sliding down your face. You looked so... ashamed. The shine of trust and innocence missing from your eyes.

"None of that, petal." He squeezed your hand. "It was- if anything it was my fault. You trusted me to watch out for you when you- when you were playing and I fucked up. Shit-" His voice cracked and he had to look away to compose himself. He felt disgusted with himself..

You shook your head. "No, Joel. If it weren't for you I- I would have- I almost killed both of us."

Joel wanted to disagree but he doesn't. He just hugged you and leads you back into the safety of the town's perimeter.

You decide then and there that you'd never be little again. It was too dangerous. You'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to Joel. You hated yourself for bringing up painful memories for him. He was trying to hide it but you could tell he was beating himself up for it.

Your plan worked pretty well for a couple days. You kept yourself busy and pretend you were fine. You knew Joel could tell something was up. You felt his concerned eyes follow you. And it made you even more angry at yourself because you didn't want him to have to worry about you. You were sure if you told him your resolution to not be little that he'd try to talk you down. But it wasn't up to him.

"Petal don'tcha want April in the bed?" Joel asks on the third day after finding April sitting on the scratched up book shelf in the sitting room.

"Not today." You smile tightly.

"Petal... this ain't like you. To leave April all lonely."

"It's a stuffed animal, Joel." You snap back, some of your frustration boiling over.

Joel looks hurt by this. It was more than that. You loved your stuffie.

"Hey now..." He frowns.

"Stop!" You clap your hands over your ears. "Stop suffocating me!" And you regret it the moment it leaves your mouth. Your resolve crumbles and you run into the bedroom to avoid your tears being seen. No. be strong. Don't be weak. You can't do this anymore. You curled up on the bed, holding your legs to your chest.

"Petal..." Joel stomps after you, his voice rising. "We don't talk to each other like that. Now you may not wanna be my-my little girl anymore-" He sucks in a breath "but goddamnit we need to stick together. Not turn on one another."

When you don't turn around he sits on the bed a foot away from you and rubs his face. You hate feeling like you can't be close to him. But you know if you were to feel him you'd instantly crumble.

"Talk to me, petal. Please, baby. It's safe." He puts a tentative hand on your knee.

"Not safe. Not. I have to be big." You shake your head. Your voice growing quiet and soft. Joel felt his heart breaking in his chest. He hated to see you punishing yourself as if you were trying to have some semblance of control over what happened. "It's my fault I couldn't-I couldn't-"

"You ran to me. You did the right thing." Joel scoots closer.

"But I should have run faster. I should have stayed closer." You lament, hot tears gathering in your eyes.

"Hey..." Joel gently turns your face with the crook of his finger. You're eyes are big and wide and looking up at him with so much trust. He feels all his frustration melt away.

"It's not all on you... We both let down our guard but that don't mean we should hide who we are." Joel says with conviction. "Believe me, petal. I did that and I never want to go back. I don't want to see that happen to you." He cleared his throat in an attempt to keep his own emotions bubbling up.

"I'm so scared, daddy." You cry, sitting up and crawling into his arms. Giving up the fight and taking the comfort you so needed since the incident.

"Shit..." Joel feels some tears fall from his eyes as he presses a kiss into your hair. "Me, too, baby. All the time. But I feel somethin' else too..."

You look up to hear his response. He takes your hand in his and presses it into his chest where his heart beats fiercely. "I feel love. That's why I was able to fight my way to you that day. See... what we have doesn't make us weaker. It make us stronger. Gives me the fire to keep on fightin'."

You sit with that for a moment while Joel slowly draws circles over your knee.

"I'm sorry, daddy." You sniffle. He kisses your head again.

"I'm sorry, too, petal. I'm sorry this happened." Joel curls into you further. He wasn't going to let this fucked up world win. He wasn't going to give way to despair and fear. Even though so much was out of his control... he wouldn't fail again.

"How about this... you come up with a codeword for daddy when you wanna be little outside the house and that way I know to keep an extra close eye on you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daddies masterlist

littlespace taglist: @lafresamilk @mamacitapascal @prettypedros, @marstheplanet @takochansugoi  @oceanablue @iwishtobeastorm @dincrypt, @bac-1, @spacenerdpascal, @cranberrypills @punkerthanpascal @breezythesimp  @djarinsimp @mylittlesenaar @bbybunbun @phnyx @xwalltoast @dreadwolfxoxo @mswarriorbabe80 @bearcina @lokigirlszendaya @pedroslilbitch @star-wars-fan-2005  @din-jarhead @hillgoth @m4ngoj3lly @crabbae @im-a-mcsimp-for-mchotties @girlofchaos @joelsflannel @xoxabs88xox @nicolethered @sergeant-major-ghost @pretty-girl-likes-tea @alexxavicry @harriedandharassed @marchai @teddy2510 @phillygraves @sunnythebunny7 @anaisweird

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 75)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (62) & Alexia Putellas x Character (31)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((**Just a lil one - 1.8k**))

YFN POV

“I’m sick of this, Luce.” She admitted. She’d been mindful to try not to make Lucy start overthinking everything, but at this point in time, she was truly sick of it all. “I’m sick of hospitals.”

Lucy frame dropped a little as she sat next to her. Her arm was in her lap, her thumb stroking her thigh as they waited for the results of the x-ray.

“Me too..”

The thing about Lucy is that she’s so, so protective. And YFN knew that she’d been overthinking things.

Since they’d been together, she’d been through more trials and tribulations than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime. And although none of it were from faults of their own, she knew Lucy would always hold onto that responsibility. Truth be told, YFN had even worried a little bit about…

“Luce?”

“Mmn?” She responded from her thoughts.

“Please… don’t leave me.”

That got her attention. Her head turned and Lucy scanned her face with those stunning green eyes of hers, so intelligent and warm behind her clear framed glasses. “Why do you think that? Where is this coming from?” Her voice was hurt.

She leant forwards and kissed Lucy’s shoulder, her deltoid more than well-built beneath her lips. “I just know you take a lot of the responsibility for everything that's happened. It’s one of the reasons I love you… but please don’t take any blame for it all. Kristie was just young and obsessed and Mark… well we’ve just been collateral damage in the wake of everything with Mark. None of this is your fault.”

Lucy sighed, defeatedly. “But if we hadn’t met-”

“-If we hadn’t me, then I’d be alone and craving a partnership I didn’t know could exist.” She interjected. She raised her head from her shoulder and the hand that was wrapped around and gripping onto Lucy’s bicep now reached up to stroke her jaw, her cheek, and to cup her face. Lucy’s eyes fluttered closed and she leant into it like she always did. “You and me, against the world. We’re a team. Remember that.”

Lucy let out a soft chuckle; one of her favourite sounds. “Okay, little one. I like that.”

YFN squeezed her cheeks between her thumb and fingers. “Good, because you’re stuck with me, Bronze.”

“Mmn. Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing,” she said as she let YFN gently pull her down to her. She felt her lips become soft and yielding under Lucy’s, and although she’d meant it to be a simple kiss, Lucy tilted her head and brushed her tongue up against hers. They were in a public space, but that was forgotten now as she moaned softly into her.

It was YFN who had to break the kiss, and she was entirely unsure how she managed it as she’d been given some happy drugs and would have easily continued to keep making out with her. Especially with her tasting that sweet taste of the raspberry hospital jelly Lucy had stolen.

They were called in for the results and sure enough, the plate on her collarbone had failed and the screws needed to be realigned. He spoke about how he wanted to operate to reset it properly and ensured that it was a simple fix that he could do the next morning. He was aware that she had a check-up also for her knee scheduled and although she enquired, he insisted that he wouldn’t look at it for at least another week before she could potentially put weight on it.

“We’re going to Manchester tomorrow to see your family though…” she said to Lucy. They were left in one of the examining rooms alone to discuss it.

YFN’s phone started vibrating then and she looked down at it. Joe. She showed Lucy.

“Probably just a check-up.” YFN said.

“And she’ll want to talk about what to do with Mark.” She gave guilty smile, fully aware of how often she was on her phone for work. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Lucy said with a lingering kiss on her cheek. “I also need to make a call. I’ll be back soon, little one.”

YFN answered the phone as she watched Lucy leave and the first thing Joe did was ask if she were okay. She was covering the medical bills and expenses and wouldn’t accept anything less.

And then they spoke about Mark. YFN tried to keep it as brief as possible with her explanation of events, as well as her involvement with Jordan and Leah. Catherine took it well. She’d met both women before; Jordan once after one of their wins, and Leah multiple times at events and such. Beyond that, she stated that she trusted her judgement which YFN appreciated.

As for Mark, they spoke about him, his mental state, the involvement of JK and how to best move forwards. She was expecting it to be a long conversation, though Catherine seemed to be making the phone call with her mind already set on a solution.

“I’ll meet him in person.”

“You… what? Really?”

“It’s what’s best. I’m hoping that it will also dissuade him from causing us any more trouble.”

“That is… unexpected. But if you’re sure, then I’m onboard. When will you meet him?”

“In Scotland next week. I was assuming you’d be up there for the Lionesses game, and I can find a place to meet that’s discreet.”

“Not Joanne’s home, I hope.”

Lucy walked back in then.

“Definitely not. If you’re okay with it, I’ll find a location and we can all meet there. When will you be in Scotland exactly?”

“Luce? When do the Lionesses go to Scotland?”

“The games on the 5th at night but we leave on the night of the 4th.” She said, tilting her head in question.

She relayed the information.

“Okay… I’ll work with that and let you know.”

“See you then.”

“See you then, and great work today. Let me know if you need anything at all. Take care of yourself, YFN.”

They hung up and Lucy’s head was still tilted like a puppy.

“What’s happening?”

“She’s made the decision to meet Mark in person. Now that we both know about Callie… it only seems right.”

“She can just call him instead of risking that…”

“Yes, but she fears he may still be a problem. She knows he won’t give us anymore trouble if she’s standing in front of him.”

She nodded slowly. “That makes sense actually. Finally this can all be over.”

“Finally – but I’m hoping he gets closure at some point.”

Lucy took her hand and stroked her thumb over her knuckles. “Me too, little one.”

“Mmn.” She looked down at their hands together. Hers were quite small compared to Lucy’s larger hands adorned with a few scars. She’d memorised them all and liked to trace them on occasion, along with the other hard-earned scars she had over her body. Each with a story of its own. “Who did you call?”

“Hm? Oh. Mum and Jorge.”

“Oh?”

“I told them we can’t come tomorrow and they suggested theyll come down earlier than they were planning to so we can all spend some time together. They were coming down Friday for the game anyways, but now they’re coming Thursday so we can catch up. They miss you.”

Oh, Luce. Organising things so she didn’t have to. Always trying to make her life easier. “I miss them. And thank you for doing that… I’m really tired after the last few days and I just want to sleep tomorrow.”

“Well you’ll definitely be sleeping during the surgery…”

“You think we should do it? Tomorrow morning?”

“Are you kidding? No question. We’re getting you on the path to recovery as soon as we can. I know injuries, love, and procrastinating over them only makes it worse and extends the recovery period.”

Lucy was passionate about it, and she loved that.

“So I can have the full day off tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow and Wednesday. Then we have my family Thursday, and the game on Friday. And then I believe the girls want to go out for dinner after the game.”

“The whole club?”

“Yep,” she said as she stroked her hand and YFN was interested in the fact that she couldn’t read her expression. “Family and friends.”

“The game’s at 7:45pm which means we won’t be anywhere until at least 10pm after everyone showers and dresses.”

“Mmn – it’s already booked, little one.”

She smiled. More time with Lucy’s friends and family. “I’ll be there. Just look for the one in the wheelchair.”

They finished up at the hospital and headed back to Lumos with some more happy drugs in YFN’s system. They ended their day there bantering with friends, networking, creating content and eating the food they were previously deprived of. Although it was a tough choice to make, her favourite interview of the day was a pet interview she did in English with Alexia and Chiquito, Lucy and Narla. She loved the dynamic, not only between the footballers but the animals. They’d met a few times before, and so they acted towards each other very similar to Alexia and Lucy. She couldn’t help but wonder though about Chiquito and how Ridley had left him behind. He was her heart. She’d be missing him right now. And Alexia. And herself.

She wondered if she should reach out and decided against it. She was the only person who knew how to get hold of Ridley because she trusted her and knew she wouldn’t do that. She’d respect her privacy. But also… know when to push.

But was sending her a photo of Chiquito taking advantage of that? She took the photo of Chiquito and Alexia as she sat cross legged and he sat between her legs, his tail wrapped around himself as he leant back to look up at her with those loving eyes. It was a beautiful shot. Alexia was actually smiling in it as she stared down at him with adoration.

The two looked the perfect pair the entire day, including when she and Ona left for the apartment. She wondered if she’d leave, and was disappointed at the thought that it would be very soon. She really liked Alexia.

After Alexia left, people started trickling out and both YFN and Lucy ended the day with help from a few friends. Beth’s loud voice was a great asset. When everyone but a few Lumos staff were gone, they eventually saw themselves out. YFN couldn’t help but notice the Lumos player wall on the way out which was now overrun with players’ signatures. Staring in the very middle with one Lucy Bronze. 2. 15.

By the time they were home, she missed dinner and instead fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

[icallhimjoey]

idk why but I think it would be funny reader stuck in the elevator with joe and reader freaking out bc the elevator stopped while joe is all soft and trying to calm her down

YES excellent – i merged this idea with another request from anon who asked for a story that starts on the tube, so, here we go... a new five-part series! here's part one! thanks for the request, you're well sexy and the best, love ya for life xo Wordcount: 2.6K

---

Between Floors and Feelings

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“Rough night?”

You knew what this looked like.

You understood why the person who you'd sat down next to immediately got up and moved a few seats down. Why they avoided the drama of it all.

You understood why the lady opposite you stared at the floor and nothing but the floor, pretending that she hadn't seen you, probably because that would just be easiest for everyone involved, the politest thing to do.

You understood why the handsome stranger at the end of the carriage kept looking over, his big round eyes overflowing with pity for the runaway bride in the dirty dress, mascara stains all down her face and her hair a tangled up mess.

You got it.

You probably would’ve felt the same had you witnessed a girl in a wedding dress sit down in an empty seat, sort of dazed and empty-looking, numb to the stares and whispers – if people even whispered at all; the tube was notoriously quiet, always and forever.

“Rough night?” a boy from a group of four, maybe five, called over, and the rest of them all tried to hide their laughs.

Badly.

It was obvious they’d been drinking and you guessed they were on their way to the next party. Off to find another bar or a club that still let people in after the last tube had gone.

You made direct eye-contact with the kid, and you looked exhausted the way people can only look exhausted after they’ve cried for a good while.

Made sense, since, you know, you’d cried for a good while.

You just looked at this boy, who thought maybe he’d get a reaction out of you, but your lack of expression and unwavering stare quickly made him grow uncomfortable. Made his buddies shove his shoulders as they told him to leave her alone man, suddenly all respectful and well-mannered.

They felt the vibe. None of this was fucking funny.

It was enough to get him to back off, and thank fuck they all got off at Leicester Square – of course they did – and when the doors closed again, you noticed the carriage was mostly empty now.

A glance sideways told you the handsome stranger who’d been sneaking looks at you was still there.

Watching you.

What an outfit to be seen in by someone who had looks that would usually make you sit up a little straighter. Would make you faff with your hair a bit. Would make you stick your chin out and push your shoulders back, just in case he looked at you again.

You absolutely didn’t give a single shit about it now.

Couldn't care less about what you currently looked like.

You knew your face was a mess of streaky foundation with black mascara marks all the way down to your chin and, fuck it, you weren’t even planning on washing it off tonight. You’d wallow in bed and probably would cry some more before you’d fall asleep.

Tomorrow could be the day on which you’d care.

Maybe.

Right now all you’d wanted to do was murder someone, then sleep, and also, empty the rest of your bladder.

Perhaps that was the only thing about tonight that brought you secret joy; the memory of squatting over your boss’s handbag to piss right into it. You had to stop in a scurry when you heard footsteps coming up the stairs and didn’t want to be caught, but, if you had been, ultimately, it wouldn't have mattered.

You had resigned with immediate effect when you'd seen them.

Finding her unguarded handbag on your way out was exactly what she fucking deserved. You knew you'd probably regret it later, but for right now, it was all you fucking had.

The train stopped at Covent Garden, and it took a second for your body to get up to get out. Like the signals your eyes and ears picked up took longer to travel to the right parts of your brain, that then following signals took longer to travel from your brain to the right parts of your body.

You had to lift up your skirt, two fists grabbing at the tulle, to make sure your feet didn't get caught up as you stepped onto the platform.

With the increasingly annoying See It, Say It, Sorted repeating itself for the millionth time within the fourteen minutes you'd been on the tube, the doors beeped behind you before you heard them roll shut.

The platform felt empty, just a couple other people making their way towards the exit, and with your zest for life currently non-existent, the sensation of the wind from the tube leaving felt nice. So, you took a second, just stood there and thought to yourself how long it would take for it to become weird that you weren't moving.

There were just too many things to freak out over, far too much to completely overwhelm you, but it was almost like none of it was real. As if every single survival mechanism your body held within itself had switched on. They all made sure that the only thing you had going inside your brain was a low, constant hum. Nothing else.

It was almost like you weren't even there.

Like the whole evening had been a dream.

Like you didn't even really exist in this moment right now.

Yea. You were definitely dissociating.

You felt like a ghost a little.

One that had to pee, still. That motivated you enough to turn your head, tired heavy-lidded eyes reading the signs to follow them out.

Exit. To the lifts and stairs.

You were nearly home.

Home, where you were definitely 100 per cent going to beeline it straight from your front door right into bed.

Just that thought alone brought you back into yourself a little more, but it was just so you could tear up again. You felt the hot pinpricks behind your eyes and quickly shoved yourself out again.

No more crying, please.

You could just... float down the underground tunnels behind yourself. Follow your own footsteps out of the station. You knew were you lived. You would find yourself there later.

It was fine.

It was after the last theater rush, so for Covent Garden standards, it felt eerily quiet. Not that you were complaining. Waiting for the lifts whilst crushed between a bunch of tourists was the last thing you wanted right now.

But stepping into an empty lift with just one other person stepping in behind you, seeing just a few people step out on the other side, felt weird too.

Especially when you looked, and you saw that the one other person was the handsome stranger from your carriage. He'd apparently gotten off too, and suddenly, you felt embarrassed.

You were wearing a dirty wedding dress. Had black marks all over your face, all over your hands.

He looked fucking stunning. All prim and proper. Vintage-looking tweed green suit. Olive-y green. Gorgeous and well put together, the literal exact opposite from you in your current state. Like, sure, his curls were a little messy, but it seemed part of his look.

As the lift doors closed behind you, the stranger gave you a polite nod accompanied by a tight lipped smile. And you would have returned it, would've made it a kind, well-mannered exchange of acknowledgement, but, you weren't really inside of your body, remember?

All you did was look at him a second, face all blank, and you only slightly noticed that the empathy in his eyes doubled right in front of you before you turned away. You turned and slumped against the side, head resting back, eyes scanning the ads but not really reading anything, and you wondered if these lifts ever got cleaned. If someone ever took a rag and some cleaning solution and wiped down all the panels. By the look of things, probably not.

What if that was your job?

Clean the Covent Garden tube station lifts every day. There were four of them, and you imagined they all could use a good scrub.

You honestly wouldn't mind a job like it. You needed a new job anyway, 't was close to home and you liked the sense of accomplishment cleaning something incredibly dirty gave you. Where you could really see the difference.

You were doing a stellar job at distracting yourself from the current situation you were in. Made sure to stay all the way out of your body. Made sure that this veil that separated you from the real world, that blurred the boundaries between what was real and what was not, made sure that it stayed in place.

You were so close to home.

Wanted to be there right this second.

Fuck, you were so tired.

Maybe your new job could be figuring out this whole teleportation thing. See if you could make that work for yourself.

You didn't realise that your eyes were staring at the man who stood near where the doors were meant to open when you reached ground floor. Just, comfortably locked at the shoulder seam of his jacket.

Even when he turned his head a little for a quick look before he took a small sip from a half empty water bottle, surely because he could sense your two bulging wet eyeballs burn into his back, you didn't move your eyes.

Felt too nice to keep them there.

But then, without warning, there was a sudden jolt. It shocked you right back into your body and you couldn't help the small gasp that escaped you. The lift had come to an abrupt halt, and the lights flickered for a moment before they settled into a dim glow.

Oh no.

“Oh no,” the barely audible sound of your voice surprised you. Your throat still felt thick from crying, and hearing it out loud just reminded you of it more.

“Is it stuck?”

For a second, you thought that maybe, you were wrong.

You made a mistake.

Clearly you weren't really with it right now, so you didn't really trust your senses currently. You didn't really know what was real and what wasn't and found it difficult to differentiate.

But then the guy who was in there with you looked around, and then lowered his head. By the way his eyes moved, you could tell he was trying to listen for something.

“Are we stuck?” you tried again, and his eyes shot up to look at you.

No answer.

Fuck.

A mix of emotions washed over you; disbelief, annoyance, a new good dose of self-pity along with a strong healthy pang of sheer panic.

Cute.

It was kind of exactly how you felt about an hour ago.

If only there was a handbag of someone you really hated to piss into to elevate the situation a little. It helped a lot before.

“I think we're stuck.”

That was exactly the wrong thing to hear and it immediately threw you for a loop.

A panic attack.

The whole ordeal.

Your heart quickened its pace, an unsettling sensation tightened your whole chest and your breathing picked up, became all shallow at a rapid rate. Before you knew it, the box you were now trapped in felt like it was shrinking around you and suddenly you were in a place of imminent danger.

You were inside a mortal trap, a tragedy waiting to happen.

You had to sit down.

But your knees were locked.

You didn't know if the moisture you felt on your face were tears or sweat.

Oh man, it was hot in there. Did this guy feel hot in there too? Jesus Christ, why were wedding gowns so fucking restricting?

You saw how the emergency button was pressed, just once. Sensible. And then this guy waited patiently as he listened to static coming from the little intercom below it.

Well, fuck that.

In your panic you kind of threw yourself at this emergency button and with frantic hands and shaking fingers, you pressed it over and over and over, until two big hands took hold of you and guided your arms down.

“It's OK, don't worry. Help will come,”

Those words meant nothing to you, no matter how kindly they were said.

“Hello?!” you shouted like anyone would hear you, eyes big and darting, and you scanned the rest of the lift for more buttons.

Your phone!

Of course.

You fished your phone out, panicked movements making you nearly drop it.

No service.

Why?!

“Hey, breathe,” the far-too-good-looking-for-his-own-good stranger tried, but you had already slung both arms over your head and got the jitters in your legs, desperately needing to move and so you started pacing.

Two small steps towards the back, two small steps back to where this guy was stood.

“This is just perfect, what the fuck, this is just–” the loud and sudden sob that escaped you made you slap a hand over your mouth.

“Calm down, we're safe, you need to–” he huffed a humourless laugh through his nostrils, all obvious nerves and tense uncomfortability. “You need to breathe,”

And he was right. You did need to breathe. You started feeling light-headed a little, felt your cheeks start to tingle, so you covered your face with both hands and squatted down, making the tulle skirt of your dress take up half the floorspace.

He joined you down there and held out his opened water bottle to you.

“Do you need some water?”

You didn't move your hands as you shook your head no.

“Okay, let me try that again. My name's Joe, I think you're having an anxiety attack, and I think you need some water. Here, have some water,”

“I don't want water.”

It was definitely sweat and tears. You felt clammy and cold but somehow uncomfortably hot at the same time.

“Breathe in, hey,” a finger got snapped in front of your face several times. That didn't do shit. “You're just breathing out, you've got to let air in too.”

And just for a second, the smallest fraction of a teeny tiny moment, everything suddenly cleared up in your mind. Comfort and ease took over and you felt... well, nothing.

Felt like drifting.

You felt everything flush down your body, all the way from your face right into your toes until it was all gone.

Just for a mere second, though.

“I'm fine,” you croaked before everything went slack. You lost your balance, your eyes rolled back and just like that, everything went dark.

“Oh, shit, oh shit,” Joe muttered, moving forward from sitting on his haunches to pressing his knees into the fabric of your dress as he tried to reach for you in a flash.

He got you by the arm, his open water bottle terribly in the way, and his other hand managed to reach around your neck. He got to slowly lower you down, ease you towards the floor entirely unsure of what to do next.

What did he need to do next?!

He was trapped in a tube station lift, on a stop he didn't even need to get out of, with an unconscious runaway bride who'd quite clearly was having the absolutely worst day of her life ever.

What the fuck was he going to do?

Then, behind him, from the corner of the elevator, the intercom static picked up again and was followed by a crackly voice.

“Emergency services, how can we assist you?”

---

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