#prettygirldjarin

[littlepadika]

Joel thoughts… What about Petal had a close encounter with an infected while little (Joel of course gets them out of it) and ever since then Petal has been scared to be little cause she feels guilty for putting her and Joel at risk so Joel is trying to coax her into little space and make her feel safe. 💝

noooo dis has me so so emo 😢 (thanks for ur patience bb). i hope you likie 💕

Close l Joel Miller x fem!Reader

Warnings: DDLG, scary situation, angy joel, angst and comfort, talk about littlespace

It was supposed to be safe, damnit. He had scouted this trail a few days ago to make sure there were no infected. The area around the meadow seemed quiet and secluded. Close enough to the border that the town took turns checking. It was sunny and all the wild flowers were in bloom. You were so excited to finally get out.

He should never have taken you there.

It was perfect for a moment. The sun lighting up every corner of the meadow and you had brought him a flower crown. You were in littlespace, not paying attention. Fuck, he wasn't paying attention. And that's when they came. Out of nowhere. Two of them. Running across the field, their horrible faces pointed right at you.

"Petal!" He had dropped everything and ran to you. He dropped his gun. What the hell was he thinking.

"Daddy!" Your wide smile now a wide scream as you met him halfway. You cling onto him and refuse to move.

"Come on, baby girl." He grabs you by the shoulders and tries to pull you back towards where his gun is lying under the shade of the tree. "We gotta run. Come on!"

"Daddy!" You're too scared. Frozen to the spot. You're clawing at his t-shirt like you're trying to crawl inside. And the infected are getting closer. It's the first time in a long time that he's seen one so up close. You look behind your shoulder and shriek. He feels his panic rise.

"Fuck fuck." Joe grunts. He can hardly focus. His heartbeat is loud in his ears and there's this awful sensation that he's been here before. He heaves you over his shoulder and makes a run for it. He knows he has about a five seconds to grab his gun and making the shot.

Joel couldn't tell you how he managed it. Managed to shoot the two in pursuit. He blacked out. All he knew is that he couldn't get you to talk for a few minutes.

"Hey... hey... you're safe." He held you close to his chest, blinking back his own tears that bubbled up.

"Daddy... daddy..." was all you were whimpering. Like you were stuck.

Other folk nearby heard the shots and showed up. Joel told them what happened.

"But why are you out here any way?" One of them, Harper, demanded.

"I thought it was safe. I mean- we're less than one mile from the border."

"It's my fault." You finally spoke up quietly from behind his shoulder.

"No-" he frowned immediately.

"I wanted to come out here." You hugged yourself. Shame bubbled in your tummy. "I was stupid."

"Just..." Harper sighed. "I'm glad ya'll are okay. We can't let our guard down for anything."

Joel bit down his retort as Harper gave him a disappointed glance. Joel wasn't reckless with you. But it sure seemed that way. All the adrenaline made his hand shake as it reached for yours.

"Are you alright?" He asked and he knew it was a stupid question.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, fresh tears sliding down your face. You looked so... ashamed. The shine of trust and innocence missing from your eyes.

"None of that, petal." He squeezed your hand. "It was- if anything it was my fault. You trusted me to watch out for you when you- when you were playing and I fucked up. Shit-" His voice cracked and he had to look away to compose himself. He felt disgusted with himself..

You shook your head. "No, Joel. If it weren't for you I- I would have- I almost killed both of us."

Joel wanted to disagree but he doesn't. He just hugged you and leads you back into the safety of the town's perimeter.

You decide then and there that you'd never be little again. It was too dangerous. You'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to Joel. You hated yourself for bringing up painful memories for him. He was trying to hide it but you could tell he was beating himself up for it.

Your plan worked pretty well for a couple days. You kept yourself busy and pretend you were fine. You knew Joel could tell something was up. You felt his concerned eyes follow you. And it made you even more angry at yourself because you didn't want him to have to worry about you. You were sure if you told him your resolution to not be little that he'd try to talk you down. But it wasn't up to him.

"Petal don'tcha want April in the bed?" Joel asks on the third day after finding April sitting on the scratched up book shelf in the sitting room.

"Not today." You smile tightly.

"Petal... this ain't like you. To leave April all lonely."

"It's a stuffed animal, Joel." You snap back, some of your frustration boiling over.

Joel looks hurt by this. It was more than that. You loved your stuffie.

"Hey now..." He frowns.

"Stop!" You clap your hands over your ears. "Stop suffocating me!" And you regret it the moment it leaves your mouth. Your resolve crumbles and you run into the bedroom to avoid your tears being seen. No. be strong. Don't be weak. You can't do this anymore. You curled up on the bed, holding your legs to your chest.

"Petal..." Joel stomps after you, his voice rising. "We don't talk to each other like that. Now you may not wanna be my-my little girl anymore-" He sucks in a breath "but goddamnit we need to stick together. Not turn on one another."

When you don't turn around he sits on the bed a foot away from you and rubs his face. You hate feeling like you can't be close to him. But you know if you were to feel him you'd instantly crumble.

"Talk to me, petal. Please, baby. It's safe." He puts a tentative hand on your knee.

"Not safe. Not. I have to be big." You shake your head. Your voice growing quiet and soft. Joel felt his heart breaking in his chest. He hated to see you punishing yourself as if you were trying to have some semblance of control over what happened. "It's my fault I couldn't-I couldn't-"

"You ran to me. You did the right thing." Joel scoots closer.

"But I should have run faster. I should have stayed closer." You lament, hot tears gathering in your eyes.

"Hey..." Joel gently turns your face with the crook of his finger. You're eyes are big and wide and looking up at him with so much trust. He feels all his frustration melt away.

"It's not all on you... We both let down our guard but that don't mean we should hide who we are." Joel says with conviction. "Believe me, petal. I did that and I never want to go back. I don't want to see that happen to you." He cleared his throat in an attempt to keep his own emotions bubbling up.

"I'm so scared, daddy." You cry, sitting up and crawling into his arms. Giving up the fight and taking the comfort you so needed since the incident.

"Shit..." Joel feels some tears fall from his eyes as he presses a kiss into your hair. "Me, too, baby. All the time. But I feel somethin' else too..."

You look up to hear his response. He takes your hand in his and presses it into his chest where his heart beats fiercely. "I feel love. That's why I was able to fight my way to you that day. See... what we have doesn't make us weaker. It make us stronger. Gives me the fire to keep on fightin'."

You sit with that for a moment while Joel slowly draws circles over your knee.

"I'm sorry, daddy." You sniffle. He kisses your head again.

"I'm sorry, too, petal. I'm sorry this happened." Joel curls into you further. He wasn't going to let this fucked up world win. He wasn't going to give way to despair and fear. Even though so much was out of his control... he wouldn't fail again.

"How about this... you come up with a codeword for daddy when you wanna be little outside the house and that way I know to keep an extra close eye on you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[littlepadika]

Hi! I just wanna say I love all your work, I created a tumblr page because of you I found Calling Home on AO3 and saw in the comments that you had more on tumblr so here I am 💕 also I wrote a ddlg fic with Din after reading all of yours you inspired me!

Again love all your work and hope you’re doing well!

Omg thank you!!! 🥰🥺🥹 I feel honored to have inspired you. I’m excited to have more people writing for our little but proud community 💗💗💗