#(my other hangup in this space is:

[queenlua]

i haven't touched baldur's gate 3 at all, but it *sounds* like some of the patches they're doing pretty fundamentally alter the way some of the story beats land? which is my personal worst nightmare for a narrative i actually enjoy, lol. like, i disliked the changes FFXV made to its story with its "Royal Edition" so much that i fuckin UNINSTALLED MY WHOLE GAME & reinstalled the base game from scratch, but. hey at least i had that option!!! if it'd been stuck with their shitty story changes forever i would've been Lighting Some Fires let me tell you

[thestarsociety]

i know twitter is like a total cesspool now but i miss when i used my oc twitter often... it was so nice to be able to sign in and have an OC-Only Zone

[becausegraf]

So... Gulool Ja Ja and his troubled eldest

Some musings on why the Dawnservant, social skills-powerhouse, observant and transparent and trustworthy and capable and responsible Gulool Ja Ja

seems to have massively dropped the ball when it came to, you know...

preventing his own only biological child from turning towards murderous self-destructive supervillainy.

Gulool Ja Ja's biggest, most tragic failure in my understanding is that when it comes to Zoraal Ja specifically, he has a blind spot, and I think he knows it but he can't fix it.

I mean, what do you think is the ONE area that, unfortunately, he truly has nobody, not a single person in Eorzea, he can seek experienced, trustworthy counsel on?

It's being born a Blessed Sibling, living as a Blessed Sibling, Ruling as a Blessed Sibling, and raising a Son Of A Blessed Sibling who doesn't have two heads and will grow up facing extremely vicious treatment by some people as a consequence.

Zoraal Ja is unique, and the complications that come with being what he is in this cultural context are SMACK in the hazard zone of Gulool Ja Ja's own vulnerabilities and struggles.

Gulool Ja Ja's flying blind on this one, and his son's temperament is precisely the sort that his usual tools aren't a good fit for.

Papa's style is to give his children space, let them make their own decisions, to invite them to seek help and give them everything they could ask for in their environment to support them when he cannot.

Zoraal Ja's issue is one that would have required Gulool Ja Ja to be much more confident in his capacity as his parent than he seems to have been. He needed to see clearly that his son was struggling and that under his circumstances, he couldn't just ask for help, and ACT ON THAT OBSERVATION. Asking for support is not something that comes naturally to Zoraal Ja, and I can see a dozen reasons why he would actively avoid it, too.

'Kiddo, something's bothering you and for your own good, we need to talk or have you open up to someone else before this causes you great harm, and I will be accountable for this happening whether you're happy to cooperate or determined to run away from it. We're gonna figure this out, okay?'

That's the initiative it would have taken, at a much, much earlier point in time, for Zoraal Ja to have gotten the support he needed. He needed his parent to see the danger and protect him from it.

Gulool Ja Ja, through no ill intent or inate fault of his own, simply failed in that.

He doubtlessly has his own hangups, painful topics, things that drive even him to look away and lie to himself. Even if he had the amazing instinct of compensating for a shitton of his own flaws and limitations by cooperating with others that had what he lacked, again, in this one regard

literally nobody in existence

would have any sort of experience with this particular complexity, let alone the keen eye to identify Gulool Ja Ja's massive blind spot AND take the initiative to reach out to him and offer aid.

He and Zoraal ja both are masters at hiding their pain (these chicken dudes are a lot like cats, apparently), and both have pretty compelling reasons to do so. There aren't many people that would

a) care about them personally enough to even decide something needs fixing

b) have the emotional insight to detect what's going on and empathize with the exact problem

c) be the kind of person who could think of a suitable way to help without making a mess

d) have the guts to prod at their personal life without being asked to do so, and avoid getting shown the door immediately

In a sense, Gulool Ja Ja's unique circumstances, the rare thing that DISconnects him from others with no overlap with others anywhere, is his Achilles heel, his one fatal weakness in a person otherwise dipped in invulnerability.

And Zoraal Ja is the arrow that came for it, and it makes my heart break for the both of them.

(This gets a little personal for me, too, in the sense of 'my parents are so capable and smart and empathetic, they're so admirable and competent with everything and everyone EXCEPT WITH ME, for SOME reason, what the FUCK is wrong with me'. Nothing, my issues were just too much like their own issues, which isn't my fault and not theirs either.

Tell ya what, it's really weirdly painful to be in such a position as a kid, caught between love and admiration on one hand, and burning frustration and resentment and shitty self-esteem on the other.)

[cinderella-ish]

Let's Talk About Kyoru!

I shared a little while ago (in my first-ever analysis post!) that I don't really have a lot in common with Tohru or Kyo, and I didn't really "get" them or their relationship right away. Today, someone asked on Reddit "What are your personal thoughts on Kyou x Tohru?" and I wrote out a long comment explaining how I grew to love them. So, here's an expanded and edited version of that comment, edited for Tumblr!

I loved both Tohru and Kyo as characters from the start. How could I not? Kyo is an endlessly meme-able, over-the-top tsundere cat-boy with a heart of gold, and Tohru is a lovable, overly-giving people-pleaser who's also a total space cadet prone to some very funny mishaps (that are maybe a little less funny once you understand her character).

What I didn't see at first was how their romantic relationship was an essential part of both Tohru's and Kyo's character development. Their arcs couldn't really have ended any other way, with how Takaya-sensei set them up.

See, Tohru begins the series in denial about the reality of her mother's death and unable to ask for or accept help, even from those closest to her, and even when people offer their help or support up front. She risks her own health and even her life to avoid burdening others, likewise risking herself to protect her memory of her mother (represented by the framed photo).

And Kyo begins the series convinced defeating Yuki will erase his past "sins," or alleviate his guilt from both Kyoko's and his mother's deaths. It's a Sisyphean task and he knows it, but he keeps at it because it's better than the alternative (actually dealing with his trauma) and possibly because he thinks he deserves to suffer defeat after defeat. He's in an extremely fragile place, having just returned from his trip to the mountains, and he truly believes he only hurts the people he loves.

I also think there's some small part of Kyo that's fighting to keep going, even from the start of the series. It's a twisted way to go about living, but he is still trying to live. He has the possibility of a life outside the Cat's House, and he's working his ass off to try and achieve it, even if it's most likely impossible. To me, that's not a character who's given up or accepted his fate.

Similarly, I think there's a small part of Tohru that knows she'll eventually need to accept that her mother is dead and make the decisions that are best for herself. It's harder to see this inner desire in Tohru than in Kyo, but I think it becomes clear when she chooses to stay with the Sohmas rather than return to her grandfather's house. She believed, at that point, that her grandfather was the only person left who knew and loved her mother, yet she knew she would be happier continuing to live with Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure. With the encouragement of her grandfather (and with Kyo and Yuki's heroic rescue mission), she moves forward on the path that will make her happiest.

It took me really digging deep and understanding each of their individual arcs to love them as a couple as much as I do now.

On first pass, it was obvious to me how much Tohru meant to Kyo, and the ways she directly countered his extremely low self-esteem and overwhelming guilt. However, I didn't really understand what Tohru liked about Kyo in a romantic sense.

I think this was probably due to my own anxiousness around men who yell, which strongly put me off of Kyo as a romantic lead. I also didn't like how he promised to protect Tohru again at the end, but that was again due to my own hangups. I have a strong dislike of being "protected" by my romantic partners (it feels patronizing and usually is done without asking or considering my own feelings about being protected). But I'll come back to that.

We know from the start that Tohru tends to reject attempts to care for her, or simply makes sure no one will be in a position to offer that care to her. She doesn't ask to stay with either of her best friends and she doesn't remain with her family during the renovations.

And Kyo is the only person who not only recognizes when Tohru's diminishing her own needs, but he's also the only person who consistently makes sure she has the support she needs, even if she initially refuses it. He tells her it's okay to get angry, asks her to vent her frustrations to him, and reminds her it's okay to be selfish.

I think with anyone else, she would have burned herself out and cut off most of her uncomfortable emotions. Kyo takes care of Tohru, and that's what she needs, because Tohru Honda has very different needs than I do (and that's okay!).

Also, Kyo doesn't yell nearly as much after the first season, but something I realized while writing my series on Kyo and Momiji's relationship is that most of Kyo's yelling is him trying to protect her and the others he cares for (like Momiji). He yelled because he was terrified of hurting her again, or of letting her get hurt through inaction. He'd yell at her when she did something that could've gotten her hurt, or he'd yell at others when they did something that could hurt her. That poor boy was carrying so much guilt over Kyoko's death, he made it his entire personality to try and protect Tohru, including from himself.

At Kyoko's grave, when he promised to protect Tohru for life, I initially read that as a step backwards for him. Wasn't that just a recipe for more guilt? After all, he couldn't possibly protect her from everything. But after some reflection, I think that was him finally internalizing the lesson from that last fight with Yuki: he was protecting her all along by making her smile and being there for her. That's Kyo recognizing that his presence is good for Tohru, and it's a huge shift in how he sees himself and his own self-worth.

So that's really why Kyo and Tohru are so perfect together. Kyo needed someone to help him see his own worth, and Tohru did that simply by needing him. Meanwhile, Tohru needed to prioritize her own needs and happiness, and she did that by admitting how much she needed Kyo. It's a loop that feeds back into itself. The more they care for each other, the more they overcome their initial mistaken beliefs about themselves.

I once shared in response to an ask that I believe Tohru needed Kyo even more than he needed her. Thinking of how badly she was suffering during the hospital arc, when she thought he'd rejected her, and how much she repressed her heartbreak during that time, I think it would've destroyed her if he hadn't decided to try and move forward with her. It would've taken a long, long time before she would've been able to open up to anyone like that again, and she may not have been able to ever again, given how hard it was for her to admit her feelings for Kyo in the first place.

So, I love them. Took me a while, but I'm fully aboard the Kyoru train now.

[ms-demeanor]

hello! i vaguely recall you doing a new year's resolution bingo thing - first, was that actually you lol? and if so, how'd it go, any adjustments you'd make from the original idea? (i did a resolution bingo this past year, which mostly ended up being a 24 item quest buffet, which did work for me! but i'm curious for more data). happy new year to you and your various sizes of bastard!

Hello! Yes, that was me. It didn't go great!

I did a resolution bingo in 2022 but it ended up feeling like homework and at a certain point in the year I looked at the spaces that I hadn't filled and it just made me feel bad.

In 2023 I did kind of a chore chart; I used a sheet of college-ruled notebook paper and divided it up into columns with things like "guitar" and "draw" and and "quilt square" and "go for a walk by myself" and numbered out 52 lines and I went through and highlighted each thing as I did it each week. That went very well for some things and not very well for others. I had at least a few columns where I did something every other week, and I totally finished the quilt square column, and I drew something for like 40 weeks, but I also had several categories that I did absolutely nothing for and several categories that had very few highlights.

That chart *also* was kind of a problem and there was a week in, like, august where my brain was being weird and was like "you can't do more of X until you've caught up on Y and Z" because I had to flip the paper over and wanted to finish three columns before I flipped it - that was clearly a very silly hangup but I don't make the rules for what my brain will freak out about and it caused a disproportionate amount of stress.

This year I kind of combined the two and I've made three sheets of paper with different tasks on different lines, and in different amounts. (And none of the papers need to be flipped over so I won't get a weird hangup week)

So instead of having 52 blanks each for "pushups" "squats" and "go for a walk by myself" I've got 156 blanks for "workout: lifting, calisthenics, stretching, walking, cardio." I didn't do a single walk by myself last year, and it turns out I'm pretty unlikely do do random squats or pushups, so rather than try to do one exercise fifty two times I'm just going to try to do *some* kind of exercise three times a week and I'm not going to feel bad about it if that's more bench press instead of more cardio.

I did pretty well with quilt squares so i've set a goal to do twice as many this year. I set a goal for 52 drawings and writing seriously 52 times. My yard is a disaster so my goal is to fill my yardwaste bin 52 times this year.

But what I *haven't* done is divide that up by week. Maybe some weeks I'll get four workouts in and other weeks I'll do two. Maybe I won't draw for a month but I'll get into it a lot over the summer.

One of my two other sheets is things that I'd like to do daily. My four daily tasks that I'm aiming for are: clean something at the house, floss, moisturize, and journal. (Journaling was successful in the bingo year but not at all last year)

The other sheet is the one that's more like the bingo, or what I think the spirit of the bingo is supposed to be. I've got it labeled "Bonus" and each thing on it has about twenty circles that I can check off if I do something but that I don't see as a goal. That includes stuff like "friend hangs" and "go someplace" - stuff that I want to do more of but that I can either plan or do spontaneously and that doesn't have a big project end goal (so it's "do something with music like program a music box or play guitar for a while" rather than "write a song" like it was the bingo year, when no song got written).

I may have also just kneecapped myself by making the bingo squares too hard. Maybe I should do a monthly bingo with smaller goals.

The bingo also got harder when I failed at bullet journaling; turns out that's not a great way for me to manage my time and attention and the bingo was in the bullet journal. Having stuff on a wall next to the light switch in my office helped a lot last year, I think, so that's where my sheets are this year too.

IDK, this is all fun to experiment with and I enjoy it but also I'm never sure if any of it "works" in terms of getting me to do more of the things that I'd like myself to do. It did work for quilt squares last year, though, and that's the best progress I've made on my quilt since I started it in 2021. And the daily chart is helping a lot so far.

But maybe I just like making charts (I do).

[radioactive-earthshine]

I think sending Jason into space, specifically working with Vril Dox II in L.E.G.I.O.N. would be good for him and his character, and it would also be good for L.E.G.I.O.N. as well because it would make it fresh for new readers and give them a reason to care about it. Because L.E.G.I.O.N. is, as we now know, active in the main continuity but had been dispersed due to the United Planets plot.

They could actually launch this first as a new R.E.B.E.L.S. series and it follows Vril, his son Lyrl, Jason, and a few other select members as they work to reform L.E.G.I.O.N. and fight against the prevailing fascism of the United Planets which is working with Waller to isolate Earth.

So this series could reestablish a workable continuity for the space community which is important for the mainline universe.

What this would also do is give Jason a real opportunity to be developed in a space where Gotham is not a factor. It would let him grapple with his issues, his hangups, his questions of morality and use of force, his feelings of betrayal and anger etc etc all in the company of people who have also varying degrees of the same feelings.

Vril is a very morally dark grey personality who suffered extreme abuse at the hands of his own father and people who once wanted nothing more than to kill "Daddy Doxest". With the influence of his dear friend The Durlan he was able to dream about a better future and a better society where injustices are corrected, often with extreme measures that the Justice League of Earth would never think to do. His methods are lethal, they are underhanded, they are evil in some ways but always with the best of intentions. Not to get too much into his lore, he has gotten significantly less a cunt and no longer is actively trying to kill his father at all costs (as if DC would let him kill Brainiac).

His very meshes well with Jason because he could be a surrogate example of a Batman Jason wanted and never saw, but they also share a rage and an anger that mirrors each other.

Vril would enable him.

Lyrl, Vril's son - is also a little cunt that tried to kill Vril multiple times for multiple reasons through Looney Tunes comic logic. He too is on a shade of dark grey, who also suffered at the hands of his father who lobotomized him to save his life (sound familiar????). The lobotomy was reversed in Lyrl and comic events unfolded around him and Vril and they both managed to come to a neutral truce and understanding to just... exist.

We haven't had much development on either of these characters since R.E.B.E.L.S v2 ended pre-Flashpoint and House of Brainiac (2024) only showed us that they appear to be working together civilly.

Lyrl is closer to Jason's age and has a lot of that more youthful outrage of betrayal coupled with tempered violence that he's worked through for the most part.

ANYWAY my point is, throwing Jason into space with other people that aren't good or evil (mostly) who also have father-figure issues and complex relationship to family, morality, their ideas of justice and what a good society looks like might actually help make Jason develop.

And if you have a shipper brain Lyrl/Jason might not be so bad of a ship and they would both enable, compliment and contrast each other and make each other see other sides of themselves they didn't know they had.

But I mean, this is just me rolling things around.

[absolutebl]

hi there 🖐🏼 what are your recs for bl movies with great acting?

BL Movies with GREAT Acting

Specifically Movies? Do KBLs that were cut into movies count? Hum, I'm gonna make a judgement call given how few actual movies I have to work with and say if it holds as a "movie going experience" I can count it. I should say in order to really push this into the superlative acting space the BL aspect on many of these is... light.

His

Japan 2020 Viki

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out as gay. It addresses the consequences of life choices disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love and ended badly. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him, already brokenhearted because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite way, tried to pretend to be something he was not and ended up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. The acting is killer, Miyazawa Hio is sulky in the best possible way, the filming is beautiful and the setting unique and interesting...

I'm not wild about the ending. Moody arthouse smackdoodle is going to pretend that "ambiguous" is somehow unique and special rather than bog standard commonplace for narratives of this type. But endings are my hangup, not yours?

This is not really BL (the prequel was), so few of the tropes are used. You do not need to have watched the prequel.

Your Name Engraved Herein

Taiwan 2020 Netflix

This movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing. It’s a self acceptance journey that goes emotionally array on the alter of history, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. I would say it's not really BL, no real trope drops at all.

Okay those two I chose more on the strength of the acting than BL. These others are not going to be at the same standard/style.

If you want moee of the above level of drama, things get very sad in the BL world, so Love of Siam, Dew, Eternal Yesterday, Goodbye Mother, etc...

Restart After Come Back Home (Risutato wa tadaima no ato de)

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning. The acting is a touch stiff, in that Japanese reserved way.

This is the only BL movie, as a movie, that I could pull. There are others, I jsut don't think the acting is good enough.

So here are some highly rated short bingable series that are movie length (1.5-2.5 hours) but not really movies - BUT with killer acting. So they still might satisfy the itch. I places them in order of acting and filming quality, not my own personal preference.

From Japan

Old Fashion Cupcake

Tokyo in April is...

Life: Love on the Line (director's cut)

My Beautiful Man

I Cannot Reach You

Seven Days

From Taiwan

Red Balloon

We Best Love (esp part 2)

About Youth

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

From Korea

To My Star

Long Time No See

The New Employee

Where Your Eyes Linger

More like this?

I want to shout out The Eighth Sense here too. It's longer than movie length but so well acted.

(source)

[bengiyo]

5 moments from 2023 BL that felt new or different?

I feel so much pressure to do a good job with this one. You're an OG. You've been in this game longer than me. I'm pretty sure you've actually seen more than me.

La Pluie Episode 6

Sure, we've had a lot of sex in BL in recent years. What's special about La Pluie is its willingness to release the sexual tension and explore the emotional space on the other side of that. Tai and Phat actually started making out on the goddamned floor, we got a sneak peak of Saengtai's bulge, and we mentioned that he was still aroused while they were sitting on the couch later. They also talked about what was going on between them and some of Tai's hangups. Usually these shows love to interrupt these moments because they don't know what to do with the characters once they bone. Not this show!

Jong Chan Adapting to Seung Hyun in The New Employee

This wasn't my favorite show of the year, but my man Jon Chan is one of my favorites of the year! I like that he was solidly in his 30s and looking for a partner. I like that he didn't exactly understand all of Seung Hyun's hang-ups about the ex, but decided to let that go and focus on building their future. His exasperation about this felt distinctly gay.

Jim and Li Ming's Relationship in Moonlight Chicken

I like calling Moonlight Chicken a gay family drama more than a BL because I don't think romance is the central driving factor of the show, but it feels like splitting hairs. What is my favorite part of this show is that the only "I love you" said in the show is between Jim and Li Ming. I love that the relationship between a gay man and his gay nephew feels like the heart of the show.

Seo Lee Joon being a Terrible Gay in Love Mate

I know a lot of y'all got your knickers in a knot over the way Ha Ram determinedly pursued Lee Joon, but I feel like we ignored how fucking rude Lee Joon was in this show. This man goes on the apps to flirt with people without making it clear he's only going to date them once before abruptly cutting them off and blocking them. This is mean! We are fucking gay! We have a hookup culture with its own language! This thing where he wants the flavor of first dates and sets up his dates for extreme disappointment is so mean. He was going to make a whole dating app about how bitter he was about his own breakup. This man needed to face his own issues, and I'm glad a stern dicking turned him around.

The Sex Scene in Candy Color Paradox

This is a show that tried and failed to punch above its weight. The leads were too inexperienced to carry a kinda dense script, and they got blown out of the water by the talented Izuka Kenta for about three episodes. It's really unfortunate because I think Kimura Keito and Yamanaka Jyutaro put in real work in this show. Their bed scene was probably the most stylish of the entire year. It is worth watching just that scene because it really stands out. Also, they discuss m/m acts the morning after in a way that felt refreshing.

Ask me Top 5 BL 2023 Anything

[eybefioro]

Weekly fic rec, by yours truly...

Especial edition: BELOVED WIPS!

Hm. I should probably take out the "weekly" part of my fic recs lol I haven't been able to keep it weekly. The recs actually take a fair amount of time and mental space because I enjoy going in depth in what I feel/think, and these past few weeks have been 💫chaotic💫. But alas. I still want to share fic recs. Maybe I'll call them random fic recs or something. I'll see.

Anyways. Until now, I haven't recommended many longer fics (I have trouble being succinct and on point with fics, I ramble a lot. With longer ones it's even worse... how could I fit in a few paragraphs the experience when there's so MUCH to talk about?) and WIPs which is a crime. So this time I will rec 3 WIPs I'm following!! You have a 100% chance of finding me screaming in the comments of these works, bc they're truly marvelous!

Drive me to the moon by CaptainBlou and Elenthya

Rated E, ~23k words (for now!)

My tags: captivating, sweet, emotional

Summary:

At GOMENS, world-renowned sports brand and sponsor, one takes pride in endorsing the UK’s most talented athletes. On the other hand, one would like to ignore the fact that their two top of the bill, Aziraphale and Crowley, have heartily hated each other since the day they met. But what should be expected, when one knows these two? Aziraphale is a professional dancer, Crowley a rally driver. While the former switches between fierce competitions and prestigious stages, the other goes from one track to another across the world, clearing out every prize from behind the wheel of his racing car. Two beings, two worlds, two universes that everything should keep apart. But an unprecedented charity event is getting set up at GOMENS, and quickly, their own athletes will have to compete with and assist each other in turns. Two worlds, two personalities. But if they want to run for a cause that matters to the both of them, Crowley and Aziraphale are going to have to find an Arrangement.

THIS FIC. HAS ME ON CHOKEHOLD. I love it so much. I'm loving to read Crowley and Aziraphale finding eachother because they want to win a race. I didn't know I needed racer!crowley in my life, but I needed it. And the fact that they're nb speaks to me on another level. It is good to read a nb character being a loved, successful, and charismatic racer. And that doesn't mean they don't go through shit, and @captainblou addresses it wonderfully. And dancer!Aziraphale is so... amazing and human, honestly. I love the conflict he has between his craft/skills and his own perception of self. How he puts effort into being confident and brave despite his own hangups. Look, Blou's writing is a joy. It is really so good and emotional, and - I will stop now, JUST GO READ IT AND YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. The characters feel real and alive. Also!!! ALSO I CANT FORGET. THIS FIC HAS ILLUSTRATIONS BY THE AMAZING @searchingforakeythatdoesntexist . Her art is so good 😭😭😭 I can't begin to describe it.

Love As A Hallway And Several Novelty Mugs by holyflyingswisscheese

Rated T, ~25k words (for now!)

My tags: funny, light and sweet

Summary:

“You’re not…” Aziraphale trailed off warily, glancing at the hallway behind Crowley. Crowley nodded in grim confirmation. “E-33. Just next door,” he said with a sigh, motioning to his classroom a few paces down the hallway. “We’re fucking neighbours.” ... Science Teacher Crowley and English Teacher Aziraphale have hated each other for years, kept sane only by the distance separating Aziraphale's English classroom from Crowley's lab. When all that is undone because of renovations in the Science block, Crowley ends up placed right next to Aziraphale for the upcoming school year. What will it take to shatter the reasons behind their resentment and make them realise just how wrong they've been about each other?

I love @howmanyholesinswisscheese writing so much. The way he describes the feelings, the ambience, the setting is so lively, heartfelt. He says he doesn't write poetry, but he goes poetic so FAST. There's a paragraph in chapter 5 about Aziraphale's crow feet and laughter that just... is so beautiful. And this fic is so funny!!! I love how they bicker and are reluctant to share space but end up finding middle ground. How Aziraphale really tries to extend an olive branch and succeeds... how their friendship blossoms. It's such a good read, and so light and fluffy. I love it sm.

Sky Clear Blue by klikandtuna

Rated E, ~23k words (for now!)

My tags: enchanting, curious, emotional

Summary:

The collaborative brainchild of myself and @suzypfonne! This human AU features time travel/fuckery, neurodivergent Tenth-Doctor-coded Crowley, closeted Regency-era Aziraphale, lots of familiar faces, humor, angst, and FUN (both innocent and steamy). Join me on a new adventure! New chapters will be posted every Tuesday and Friday! (No, really. I promise.) Cover art by me 💛 (The Dream Team is back — myself writing, @suzypfonne beta-reading, and @sparkyshinymagpie coding the social-media conversations)

The first fic I've read of @klikandtuna was find the light (a recently finished wip! So double rec!) and it was delightful – such a hopeful story! So I was super excited to this one and let me tell you... it is so AMAZING. Really. The descriptions are magical, the concept is so interesting. I'm so curious to see we're this is going! I love how colourful Crowley is in this (as the author said to me, he has a lot from starmaker!crowley) while still being Crowley... and Aziraphale is caught in so many conflicts. Gosh I am so excited for the next chapters. Go read it!!!

These fics have been a source of joy for me 💛 reading them one chapter at time for some reason makes them even more special in my heart.

[the-fandom-crossroads]

Just read through A Glitch in Time for the first time and it woke up the Danny Phantom brain rot. I came up with this world building head cannon but I have no idea if it's already been thought up in the years since I was last in the fandom. So I figured I'd share it and see if there's like already fics or posts about it.

No A Glitch in Time spoilers in this!

So my idea is that the Ghost Zone isn’t so much another dimension but instead another location in Earth’s dimension. Specifically the liquid mantle of Danny’s earth isn’t made up of magma but instead ectoplasm. The Ghost Zone is the center of their planet.

That’s why if you blow up the center of the ghost zone the human world goes too. Or if you hit the human world with an asteroid the ghost zone goes. Because the human world is just the outer shell of the ghost world.

Fell down a rabbit hole and apparently this is already a physics question? Link It’s called the Shell Theorem and basically you’d float anywhere in the hollow shell planet because you are being equally pulled from the edge closest to you and farthest from you. In our case the hollow shell if filled with ectoplasm instead of like empty air.

It would explain why gravity is “optional” in the zone. Because the closer you get to the gravitational center the more the rules of gravity get wonky. If you’re standing on a floating rock in the zone there’s gravity to hold you to the rock, but jumping off of it means you just float there. The ghost zone rocks move because earth is spinning and that shifts around the ectoplasm soup the lairs are floating in.

The Ghost Zone is usually depicted with a spiral or spherical layout. Newer lairs farther out and the oldest lairs farther in. I know there’s already headcanons about what’s at the center or core of the ghost zone. But the point is everything in the zone is floating around this central point making it very easy to move the ghost zone map into the center of a globe. Easier than saying it’s a parallel dimension when one is confined to a flat plane and the other builds upward and outward in all directions. The infinity map always confused me with that fact that it's a flat scroll instead of like Treasure planet’s space map.

When someone dies the intangible soul is no longer anchored to the surface of the planet. The Soul is pulled through the solid crust layer pulled towards the center of the planet and if they have a strong enough “purpose” they gather enough ectoplasm to form a ghost around that core purpose. If a ghost core isn’t formed to collect ectoplasm around the soul to form a ghost body the soul gets pulled all the way to the center of the planet where it stops because gravity is pulling it equally from all directions. All the souls clump together to form KINGDOM HEARTS!!! Sorry wrong fandom. But it probably holds onto the souls until a new body is born in a form of reincarnation. Jack NightingGale is my only point for this. But like it’s literally Jack Fenton only 200 years ago.

Ghosts that finish their unfinished business or “fade” simply release their soul from their ghost cores so they can return to the core of the zone and rejoin the reincarnation cycle again. You don’t want to carry hangups from your past life into your next one so the zone is supposed to be a chance to work through those. That’s why even tho ghosts don’t “die” of old age there are more young ghosts than older ghosts.

The reason ghost activity was low to non-existant before the Fenton portal is because of how much energy/ectoplasm a ghost had to use to get through the solid crust layer. There isn’t a lot of ectoplasm on the surface usually so they couldn’t replenish what they spent on the trip. You had to be an insanely strong ghost or save up a large amount of ectoplasm to be able to make the trip and then make your form visible and physical on the surface. So the only ones who did were ones that had to come up because of their purpose which leads to the assumption all ghosts have “unfinished business”. They also had to pick and chose what they spent energy on. Physically touching things and pushing things over, or being transparent and slightly visible to the living. Willowisps or floating balls of light were only their cores visible with the ghost not having the strength to form a full body of ectoplasm in the human world.

Natural portals were basically random volcano explosions and rarely used because you didn’t know when the eruption would end. If the portal closes and you’re stuck on the surface you might not have enough energy for the long way back. Also they spit you out in a random location and time. Any ghost with a strong desire to return to the human world have a specific place in mind.

Amity Park is YellowStone. A place where a pocket of magma in this case ectoplasm is extremely close to the surface. The Fenton’s poked that pocket otherwise there wouldn’t have been enough ectoplasm for the portal to pull from initially. That’s why the college portal fizzled out so quickly it pulled in all the nearby ectoplasm and then just died off like a fire without wood. The Amity portal is a geyser spewing ecto energy into the town and an Express Elevator all rolled into one. Ghosts can now make it to the surface without spending all their ectoplasm to do it and then there’s enough ambient ectoplasm to keep them stable for a while before having to return to the Zone. So weaker ghosts like the lunch lady and box ghost use it. Ghost animals like the ectopi and Cujo use it. Ghosts like Ember and Skulker who could feed their obsessions just fine in the zone use it cause at the end of the day there’s more humans than ghosts on the planet.

But the “nice” ghosts stay in the zone because they don’t feed on feelings that are hard to get. Frostbite “feeds” on the feeling of safety or calmness of his tribe. There is no reason to leave the far frozen to accomplish this so he doesn’t. Pandora doesn’t feed on emotions but her soul purpose is to protect her box so no one ever opens it again. Again no reason to leave the zone.

The Next bit got a little rambly with me explaining my thoughts on ectoplasm=calories for ghosts and how that affects fights and danny’s powers. So I’m just gonna like make that a second post? Sorry this one got long.

Tldr; What if the ghost zone was the liquid mantle part of Danny Phantom's Earth?

Like I said I don’t know if folks have already talked around this idea. Heck I might have read a post about it years ago and forgot. The main headcanon I remember is the spiral ghost zone where lairs spiral out from the center of the zone like a galaxy. But I know the Phandom has combed over every frame of the show at this point. So I’d love it if ghost planet core headcanons are already out there and yall can share some links. Or if there’s any thoughts you’d like to add to the idea. Please do!

[nereidprinc3ss]

Jokes and being 'horny on main' aside I find it so fascinating how many women are drawn to both Spencer Reid and MGG. Like he's not classically handsome, in the way most macho Hollywood men are. He's softer, more poetic looking and his personality is also very unique. I think he feels safe (from what we know anyways), and there's something to be said for why women (especially younger women) go nuts for this kind of smart, goofy, caring guy who is truly weird (more so MGG than Spencer). Yet you'll still have incels on Reddit/Twitter parading the toxic alpha male shit to impressionable men and creating this vicious cycle. There was actually an interesting class I took on Romance novels and how because they're sort of an unexplored medium that hasn't been taken seriously in the cultural zeitgeist until recently it's been able to develop into a safe space for women, written by women. A lot of men call them unrealistic and yes they can lean trope-y and drama-esque but also at their core its about women reading about men that are good communicators, with decent personalities and hygiene

idk WHY he is the most visually appealing man I’ve ever seen, and idk why he has this crazy staying power for me—like normally my celebrity crushes are crazy intense for a few months and then they just disappear one day, but me and matthew are approaching our year anniversary and i see no signs of stopping lol!!

i think personality does have a lot to do with it. mgg is genuinely a weirdo like he’s a weird dude with a lot of heart and he seems really passionate about the things he does. men who care about something outside of themselves, and don’t take themselves too seriously, do tend to make me feel safer. i can’t speak for other women and obviously we don’t know him in real life but if he’s secretly an asshole he does a fantastic job of hiding it!! his sense of humor requires a kind of self awareness and awareness of other people that we don’t usually expect from famous men, and the way he speaks about and interacts w his female friends/coworkers is really amazing too.

idk, obviously we don’t actually know him and i try very much not to idolize people (especially men) who i don’t know. but he’s so funny and seems like an actually kind person who lacks some of the hangups that other male celebrities have and that make them repellant to me

also men saying romance novels are “unrealistic” need to give me a fucking break. women know that the men they read about in romance novels aren’t realistic representations of men in real life but men don’t seem to understand that porn is a fucking joke and not a realistic representation of real women. yet they hold us to those ludicrous standards all the time. until they start thinking about the porn they watch as a complete MADE UP FANTASY the way women think about romance novels i really do not want to hear it from them lmfaooo

especially when our fantasy is being treated respectfully by a good man and their fantasies include anti gravity boobs and removed ribs and viewing women as objects made for their pleasure

can you tell im mad about this…

anyway thank you for sharing your thoughts!! i completely agree<3

[candiid-caniine]

so I've seen this going around lately, and I want to talk about it. I didn't want to add discourse to OP's post because I didn't know if/how much was welcome.

this is a very hot button issue for me. general tw for this post: mention of abuse within kink dynamics.

so. y'all all know that I have some very strict limits on this blog. I have a boundary against play with cis men. I have a hard limit on misogyny and patriarchy kinks being in my space. and I'm not alone in that: a lot of other queer ppl I know (mostly wlw, nblnb, t4t, and intersex) have the same limits.

for me it's trauma rooted. all dynamic abuse I've ever experienced has been at the hands of cis men, so I don't deal well with them. and growing up in purity culture as a closeted afab has ruled out misogyny/patriarchy kink. as a result, I am very avoidant of anything that rings of these dynamics...which happen to be overrepresented as dominance in modern pornography.

it is very hard as a t4t to find porn that isn't influenced by this binary, which usually plays itself out as:

to be feminine is to be weak, and vice versa

the submissive partner is the bottom

the dominant partner is controlling outside the bedroom

submission is holy for the feminine and deviant for the masc

dominance is holy for the masculine and deviant for the femme

existing power balances in society are utilized in play

the submissive is to be protected

the submissive is the dominants responsibility and not vice versa

aesthetic perfection is expected of the sub

and many more.

so to say "signs of domination in your social circle" may mean different things to different people. I'll be honest, I don't know what OP meant; this post was awhile back in their blog -- I'm just using this as a way to talk about some of my own hangups, hence why I made my own post instead of responding.

and yeah. if someone in my social circle showed signs of being controlling outside the bedroom, magnifying social inequalities in play, deeming submissives weak and demanding of protection, or expecting aesthetic perfection of submissive seeming people....would I call that evil? um. fuck no.

but I would recognize it as something I can't be a part of. I would form resentment if treated accordingly: as something inherently weak, defenseless, naive, and feminine due to my preference for submission, or hell, for being fucking Asian. cause yeah, that happens.

that said: if someones treating every sub, or every person they decide is submissive, like that...they're a fucking weirdo. their problem.

but there's another side to this. one that affects people who top, people with penises, and people who present as masc who...

may derive euphoria from aligning with a binary role in a kink setting

may genuinely share a desire to be protective and controlling with their partner/s

may face othering or prejudice for seeming like an angry trans woman or a violent butch or an angry Black person

are already only tenuously accepted in queer spaces due to masculine presentation or AGAB or race

so what's to be done?

simply put, don't put your trauma or your bias onto others. I really think that's the answer.

if a particular type of dominance triggers you, remove yourself from the space. unless it's your space, in which case set boundaries.

if you find yourself side eyeing people of a certain AGAB or presentation more than others, consider that this is a you problem.

understand not everything's about you. subs can be just as selfish as doms. just because your friend likes to dominate doesn't mean they want to Dom you. just because they Dom in a way you wouldn't want to be dommed doesn't mean they're wrong.

fuck off with your kink shaming. flat out, unless you are speaking about dynamic abuse or any other type of abuse, you have no grounds to judge the way other d-types or s-types roll. unlearn your purity culture.

learn a thing or two about top drop and/or Dom drop.

and for God's sake...in this hellish 2024 pride month where trans rights are backsliding and other lgbtq+ rights will certainly follow: educate yourself. cishets didn't invent kink. leather daddies have been doing this for decades. lesbian pulp fiction featuring s&m dates really far back. hell, ancient Greeks have art documenting s/m relationships, and y'all know they were gay as shit.

cause I have an inkling that in queer circles this comes from the decrying of evil, icky cishet culture in kink. you are entitled to your boundaries, but your bias and your judgment and your disgust can damn well be kept to yourself. my partner deals with enough guilt over their preferred role, and enough crisis about whether their masculinity comes off as creepy, without neopuritans exacerbating the issue.

and that includes me. I've had to unlearn this shit from the ground up since coming out. I thought coming out was the unlearning, but no: you are not immune to internalized bias. and your masc, amab, intersex, and Black and Brown queer siblings are not immune to the harm you may be perpetuating.

anyway. I'm stoned AF. and prepared to turn off reblogs for this post. lol

[nothorses]

i'm sure you've talked about it before, but why do other transmascs feel the need to white knight for women whenever transandrophobia(/anti-transmasculinity/whatever term is "acceptable" for the moment) is brought up? it's always something to do with "it's distracting from misogyny and we should band together against it", "it makes it sound like trans women oppress trans men", "isn't this just dividing the community?", etc.

i swear, every time even the term comes up (not even as THE point of discussion, just at all), at least one transmasc shows up to lecture me about how it's a bad term. it's such "pick me" behavior.

i ask you why other transmascs need to do this, but we know it's some mixture of self-hatred ingrained by having being in some kind of close proximity to manhood, internalized transphobia, and feeling the need to be "one of the good ones" squabbling for approval.

the 2010s feminism movement of target brand mugs saying "Male Tears" and the insistence that using broad violent statements is okay if it's "punching up" really poisoned the conversation. transmascs shouldn't feel so defensive of proving their masculinity is "good" by preventing transmascs from organizing and acknowledging our specific issues.

not sure what i'm even asking anymore. feeling kind of disheartened and frustrated for feeling like i have controversial opinions when i say that *shuffles notes* transmascs are affected by specific societal oppression and pretending otherwise is naive at best and an act of violence at worst.

I hear you. And I think that like... while it is frustrating, to be constantly undermined by people who are clearly just doing it because they think it's some kind of "redemption", I also tend to feel more heartbroken than anything else.

Like, I know how they feel. I was around for shitty 2010's feminism; I was pretty deep in the movement, in fact. I internalized a lot of those ideas, and they're exactly what kept me from realizing I was trans for so long.

When I finally started to realize I was more on the masc side of things, I still had enough hangups that I started a sideblog (that nobody knows about. and still won't!) just to reblog stuff that I felt represented "acceptable" masculinity. The concept was so novel to me that I legitimately felt I needed an archive of "proof" that masculinity could be "ethical".

And I've kinda ridden with this current movement toward acknowledging transmasc oppression. I saw others start talking about it before me, and eventually felt emboldened enough by them to join in; mostly just kind of nudging at the boundaries, suggesting that we consider transmascs are also oppressed, and that maybe we should make sure our trans-specific spaces and resources, and things like domestic violence shelters, include them.

I watched that guarded, hesitant seed start to sprout and grow, and I grew with it. I think my early posts really reflect this; I'm pretty sure my most popular post is still, to this day, the one that essentially just points out that men AND women can have a toxic relationship with masculinity and femininity. Another early banger was "testosterone doesn't make you evil".

Y'know, shit feminists were saying in the 2010's.

I feel like I see a lot of transmascs today kind of forgetting this, idk, three years of "history" (generously). Like we've always had a community ready to support us when we say these things; spaces where we can talk about them without having to constantly remind everyone that we do, in fact, believe transmisogyny is real and that it needs more attention than it currently receives. Because we can take for granted that others believe this, and trust that we do as well.

And that's encouraging! It means we have a community now that- to my knowledge- we have never had before, and it means we're finally getting somewhere after decades of isolation and shame.

But it's also kind of sad, I think, that folks so quickly forget what it was like before this. And it is frustrating that we grew and they didn't, and it is frustrating that they seem to be choosing shame and isolation.

And... they're there for the same reasons we once were. In a lot of ways, that means we are uniquely positioned to offer them a bit of compassion. It doesn't mean we have to, or that it'll always be successful, but it does mean that we can.

I also think that like, it's barely been three years, y'know? Not everyone's looped in yet, and not everyone's in a place where they feel safe and supported enough to even begin to consider these ideas more seriously. There will always be people who act this way (Blaire White & Kalvin Garrah are living proof), but the growth of our community and our movement means we'll start to see it less as time goes on.

This isn't really a solution, or an answer, and you probably know all this anyway. But idk. I think perspective is important.

[naranjapetrificada]

Fic recs based on what bits of s2 promotion made you go 👀

So obviously we only have a couple days left and I shouldn't have put this off for so long, but I've been making connections between fics I've encountered and questions raised by the teaser, trailer, and BTS video and thought I'd share some of them. Light (extremely light, like you've just emerged from an isolated cave light) s2 spoilers possible, although it's still mostly speculation?

Anyway this obviously got very long, so I'm throwing in a break now so I don't slow your scroll.

Maybe time in nature helps Ed do some healing?

Fallow Land & Bigger Sky, which I can't ever seem to shut up about was such a rewarding and healing read for me. Especially recommended for people who are interested in Ed's inner life, healing journey, and coping mechanisms, maladaptive or otherwise. Also folks who are excited for him to have an animal friend like Stede Bunnet, although in this fic it's a sweet little black lamb that he sometimes carries around in his shirt.

It begins with Ed having spent a year since The Dock living incognito on a remote (but not deserted!) island trying to get his head around everything that happened and looking for something like peace, however he can get it. It's written in an evocative, poetic way and includes some incredibly lovely flashbacks, believable character growth, important realizations, and tender emotional moments. The vibes are more pastoral than castaway, but Ed is still given time and space to do the work he needs to do in rugged, isolated surroundings so it still scratches that itch for me.

[There are definitely some triggers to be aware of but it feels like the author did a good job of mentioning them at the beginning of each chapter.]

Maybe they do some healing together?

There's no need to reinvent the wheel so I'm going to borrow heavily from an earlier post I made about healing and fanfic two make the case for these two:

Brace Yourself and Nestle into Me: The premise is that Ed and Stede figure out that they're into each other around episode 7, and they're deliriously happy to know that they feel the same way about each other. But Stede has some (understandable) sexual dysfunction around being queer thanks to the horrible society that he grew up in. Ed is a darling trying to help him through it all, and along the way he realizes he also has some of his own hangups he needs to work through, and that they can both support each other's healing.

I appreciate that this one doesn't treat healing like a straight line because it never is, and emphasizes that trust can't just be implicit, you really have to talk it through as a crew, even if it's just a crew of two broken middle-aged men who are desperately in love with each other. It also gets into some of the stuff I've been talking about on here about grieving your former selves and the selves you never got to be, which was validating as hell. That sounds heavy and there are concepts that are literally part of modern therapy modalities woven into the story, but there are also warm and loving and hilarious moments too, including this gem:

“Also can you just imagine how proud little horny baby gay Stede would be know you would be to know that whatever he went through, today you’ve got your own ship and are getting completely railed by Blackbeard? I mean, just absolutely dicked down by the most famous pirate in history? He would lose his mind.”

Adrift Between the Dreaming Seas: Based on my usual filtering on ao3 I probably never, ever would have come across this fic if it weren't for a recommendation someone posted here. It's got fantasy elements, allegory, metaphors stacked on metaphors, talking animals, and so many other things that would have kept me from ever discovering it on my own. My life would be poorer for it.

Basically Stede is cursed to be a lighthouse keeper on an island that seems to move around the world. Animals show up and the ones who talk to him are members of the crew, and Ed is an actual kraken. It's all this symbolism about monstrosity and trauma and maladaptive coping and the messiness that is Stede's kindness scraping against his self loathing. I shed tears of many kinds along the way, and it made me think hard about community and recovery and the things we do to and for ourselves and others.

It's just a lovely little gem of a story that made me feel so much so deeply while also making me laugh much more than I was anticipating. I'm so glad I gave it a chance.

Maybe there's a massive, life-altering storm?

A World of Tempestuous Things, which is nearly finished and has been such a rewarding, moving journey to follow as it explores another take on their reunion story. There's the expected angst and misunderstandings, but also wit and warmth and longing and rage and these casually devastating historical asides, some of which still haunt me out of the blue because of the staggering and inescapable nature of the passage of time. Speaking of passages and being haunted, dig if you will, this picture:

so little time to dwell amongst strangers as a citizen of the world will never, ever stop reverberating in my head like a cymbal crash and I guess that's just something I live with now. @lostakasha, you've given me the existentially beautiful prose version of tinnitus.

Maybe Stede's slut party era is finally upon us?

If so, good for him, he deserves it so much.

When the Light Shines In is a missing scene/lightly canon-divergent take on s1e06, if you just like the idea of meeting a jolly version of Drunk Stede (vs that "unhand me or bleed" guy, who is hot in his own way or course but can't beat messy earnest bossy Stede in my opinion). It's set immediately after the fight with Izzy. Ed is patching him up and trying not to vibrate out of his own skin, while Stede is affectionate and chatty and besotted whether he knows it or not, and steadily working his way through a bottle of rum for the pain. So not really related to season 2, but it will still scratch that same itch and make you smile real big.

Well, I Ain't Tactful is actually set during season 2, inspired by the moment in the BTS video where Ed sees Stede getting drunk with his new leather buddies. If you asked yourself what might happen if Ed felt compelled to keep an eye on Sloppy Stede and tuck him in with a glass of water, then this one will be fun. Ed is caring and lovely about it all even while still being a bit mad at him for everything, and Stede is a mess but so sweet and still so, so in love.

Maybe we'll get to see young Ed on Hornigold's ship?

There's no evidence of that so far beyond the whole ghost of Hornigold thing, but it certainly would be a treat. But even if it doesn't, if the idea of more young Ed appeals I cannot possibly recommend the pre-canon Never Shall We Die enough.

Now there's no getting around two crucial things that may be dealbreakers for some people: first, it's long. It's very, very long. Second: it's a WIP. Only one of two I've allowed myself to follow in this fandom so I don't get overwhelmed or bogged down. But!

The writing is so impeccable that it stands head and shoulders above almost everything I've ever read on ao3 and honestly above a lot of commercially published original fiction I've encountered in the same span of time since I've started it. The settings are deliciously (and sometimes, due to the realities of life on a pirate ship, disgustingly) immersive, the action scenes are perfectly paced, and the emotional beats, when they hit, hit hard and ring true and stay with you.

Starting at at age 13, young Ed's growth and development over time is equal parts rewarding and harrowing. Threads are pulled together from canon and from earlier parts of the story to coalesce into a portrait of a living, breathing version of our favorite guy trying to find his place in the world, stumbling along the way, and eventually realizing that if he wants a place he'll have to make it himself. The secondary characters leap off the proverbial page too, and the connections he does or doesn't form with them have interesting, believable fallout for everyone involved.

I mentioned action scenes earlier, but I want to circle back around to them again because NSWD takes Izzy's season 1 comment about Blackbeard being the greatest sailor he's ever known and says the same with its whole chest. I know I'm not alone in hoping to see Incredible Sailor Ed in season 2, but in the mean time this is more than scratching that itch for me. We see Ed set foot on his first ship with no skills beyond attracting (mostly) unwelcome attention and observational skills that become the foundation of his later abilities with the sea and with the art of fuckery. From the outside he looks like a savant but on the inside he builds his skills slowly over time, delighting in learning new things and seeing a plan come together. But best of all, he delights in the skills of others, eagerly learns from them when he can, happily teaches what he can to the few people he trusts, and takes pleasure and pride in their own success.

I could literally keep talking about this fic until the next chapter gets posted, but the good news is that happens regularly! I know it can be tough to trust a WIP but I for one am so thankful for the moment of poor impulse control that led to me starting this one. New chapters come roughly every two weeks, and looking at @tresdem's output elsewhere helps me feel secure that we'll actually get to the end.

[aihoshiino]

Hi there! I recently found your blog and absolutely love your takes on Ai and OnK in general (I desperately cling on anything Ai related, too much of an Ai simp). I was wondering what do you think on the last line of 15 year lie movie "Sorry, I can't love you", do you think Ai genuinely loved Kamiki or tried to very hard? Because in the end they still broke up but we don't actually know why, I sometimes wonder if Ai would've went back together with Kamiki when she finally learns how to truly love someone (that one question about marriage in the Da Vinci interview made me think about KamiAi a lot). I'm still so torn up between hating Kamiki for killing Ai but also, he just looks so good, I can't blame Ai for falling for him…I'm so sorry for rambling lol

Hello anon!! I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for a response on this lol. But uh, this also means that I have more source text to draw on when answering this question so if you think about it, I'm the chessmaster here???

More seriously, I had chatted about this in a previous post before and my speculation there was that while the two of them did form a genuine bond and may have had serious feelings for each other, Ai simply wasn't in the right emotional space at the time to be able to say a sincere 'I love you' to him. This was neither of their faults - the unfortunate reality was that they were both deeply damaged kids trying to find solace in each other and I think even a perfectly healthy kid without Ai's particular hangups probably has some trouble articulating what the fuck love even is at that age, when you're just starting to experience big, scary adult feelings for the first time, all filtered through hormones and big upheavals in your life.

So I do think Ai did her very best to love Kamiki. It's possible that she did genuinely love him but had similar hangups to the ones that prevented her from expressing her feelings to the twins. It wasn't until literally the last seconds of her life that she was able to recognize her feelings as 'love' after all, so I can really easily see Ai expressing "I can't love you" to Kamiki as an apology and an admission of weakness - she can't give him love because she views herself as a person who cannot sincerely love other people without it being a lie, but she can still care for him, uplift and support him. She can essentially 'perform' love by choice even if it's not something she feels she can give him sincerely. Or at least that's my take on things right now, based on what we know about Ai as a person.

I'm not too sure about how that relationship might have changed or evolved in an Ai Lives AU but it's really fascinating to think about… it's hard to speculate too deeply given how little we know about the circumstances of their breakup and Kamiki's feelings about Ai in the time between that and the murder, but I don't know that Ai would have wanted to return to a relationship with him - she seems pretty firm about not wanting to get back with him when the possibility is floated during their call, but that of course takes place before she has that final moment of epiphany regarding love. So who's to say?

[contritecactite]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for the ask, Quoth! I think you'd be pleased to know that I had trouble narrowing things down (they're all my favorites today), but I got there eventually.

1. Promised Me a Feeling

Ace Attorney, T, 2.8k, klapollo

Post-AA4, Edgeworth accidentally invites himself to dinner with Klavier and Apollo. It's painfully awkward, but it helps him find the courage to take the next step.

I took a huge internet break years ago (my own 7yg hehe) and only returned to fandom in 2021. "Promised Me a Feeling" was the first time I felt genuinely confident in my writing again, so it holds a special place in my heart.

2. Third Time Charmed

Ace Attorney, G, 3k, Maya

Maya visits the building for the "first time" three separate times. Whether it's housing Fey & Co. Law Offices, Wright & Co. Law Offices, or the Wright Anything Agency, it always manages to be just the opposite of what she's come to expect.

In a lot of ways, this was a celebration of being part of a fandom in which I'm "allowed" to enjoy female characters and to place value on non-romantic relationships. Those were two quick ways out the door in my 2008-2012 spaces.

3. And a Borrowed Car

Good Omens, T, 3.6k, A/C (ambiguous)

Aziraphale falls asleep in the stolen Jeep, Crowley remembers that his flat could use some cleaning, and they end up sharing a very nice room somewhere and talking about things they've lost and time they've wasted. It turns out all right in the end.

An attempt to integrate some details from s1&2 into book canon. Casual intimacy, only one bed (because it's what they wanted), soft with an aroma of their inherent angst. Feels like some of my best characterization, but I could be wrong.

4. Anthems of Joy

Ace Attorney, T, 17k, FranMaya

When Maya and Franziska's intention to get married is made public, they get railroaded into using their wedding to generate good press for the district prosecutors' office. Over the next few months, Franziska finds that her relationship with Maya isn't the only one that gets strengthened in the pursuit of happiness. Also, I wrote what feels like half a Sesame Street episode for this. You're welcome/I'm sorry.

A weirdly personal fic that was a long time in the making. I don't know what I can say about it concisely except that I hope someday I can let go of as many hangups as Franziska.

5. Competitive Inhibition

Good Omens, M, 15k, A/C through the ages

In biochemistry: a phenomenon in which a molecule is blocked from binding to an enzyme by another molecule with a similar structure—like a demon preventing an angel from binding completely to Heaven or, more to the point, doubt and fear keeping an angel from wholly welcoming a bond with a demon. Or: The ups and downs of sharing 6000 years of life on Earth with an angel who wants desperately to be doing Good.

Written for a gift exchange, this ended up being a long series of vignettes that alternate between good times and bad times (with a hopeful ending). I even did some (very) cursory historical research! I'm very proud of it despite it apparently not having very broad appeal.