#(my other hangup in this space is:

[queenlua]

i haven't touched baldur's gate 3 at all, but it *sounds* like some of the patches they're doing pretty fundamentally alter the way some of the story beats land? which is my personal worst nightmare for a narrative i actually enjoy, lol. like, i disliked the changes FFXV made to its story with its "Royal Edition" so much that i fuckin UNINSTALLED MY WHOLE GAME & reinstalled the base game from scratch, but. hey at least i had that option!!! if it'd been stuck with their shitty story changes forever i would've been Lighting Some Fires let me tell you

[sorypsoid]

Might be an unpopular opinion but was thinking today about how I'm not sure "neurotypical" is a thing in the way that it's talked about on the social media I've been seeing. Not talking in the medical sense here, moreso reflecting on the use of "neurotypical" as a buzzword these days.

It's not that every person has a diagnosable illness/disease/chemical imbalance/etc but I do think every single person has something going on with them that impacts their judgement, emotions, or actions in a way that causes them to fall out of line with the cookie cutter "neurotypical" expectations at times.

Do y'all really know anybody that doesn't have any behavioral idiosyncracies? Anybody you've spent real time with that doesn't have any instances where they failed to manage something in a "normal" and "typical" way?

Everyone undergoes challenging events that alter their interactions with the world around them, even the people that didnt get the added bonus of medically diagnosable factors. I feel that creating such a loosely applied neurotypical vs neurodivergent divide is an excuse to have a lack of empathy for each other by deciding from the get go that a person from one side will never be able to relate to and understand the other. It's easier to disregard a person entirely if you're able to quickly "other" them.

I think it's a dangerous mindset to get into because you simply can't diagnose whether someone is medically neurotypical or divergent at a glance and people shouldn't have to divulge their personal medical history to everyone they meet to get increased understanding and allowance in social settings. For example, if you have to know whether someone's autistic/depressed/OCD/etc first to determine whether you'll be giving them any leeway for being difficult to deal with in a social setting then you're making an active decision that hinges on that person being open about their medical history, not necessarily being accepting and gracious to people as a rule. The fact is that you just won't have that info and history for every person you meet.

I feel like if we all worried less about who goes in what box and more about extending politeness and patience to everyone in general then we could all have an easier time out there. We don't need to jump to the conclusion that every negative interaction we have with someone is due to a lack of care or malicious intent. Sometimes people just make mistakes and act without realizing the negative impact of what they're doing.

[thestarsociety]

i know twitter is like a total cesspool now but i miss when i used my oc twitter often... it was so nice to be able to sign in and have an OC-Only Zone

[crownbeed]

tldr

ace people: exist

other people within and without the umbrella: >:[

the asexual double edged sword is that a lot of people, particularly queer discoursers(tm) online, are really really rancid about ace people who have sex, I mean like stunningly awful, so naturally sex favorable/indifferent asexuals will be very keen on making sure that they aren't erased within their own community and that people at large know they exist. at the same time, people are also Very Bad about ace people who don't have sex, and sex averse/repulsed asexuals face a lot of pressure both on societal and interpersonal scales to submit to sex that they don't want, and so naturally it'll really rub them the wrong way to constantly have "but don't worry, ace people can still conform to the societal expectation!" appended to their PSAs about their experiences of asexuality. and so everyone's just kinda upset and annoyed all the time when instead it should be peace and love on planet ace.

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

how do you find public spaces to fuck (re:the rooftop + dyke)?

sincerely, horny lez

Good question, I will answer it in this response eventually, but first, you have to sit through me intellectually jerking myself off for a moment because I think it may provide some useful perspective.

Public sex has been part of my life for as long as I've been having physical sex at all. As an adolescent it was mostly out of necessity, but these days it's mostly out of convenience. The vast majority of the sex I've had in the last year or two has been public.

I think it's important to clarify that for me at least, public sex is not an act of exhibitionism. If there's any sort of philosophy behind it besides sheer utility, I'd say it's something like not allowing our society's mores and hangups around sex and privacy dictate the terms on how and where we (especially as gay people) engage with our sexuality.

I think there's this gut impulse many people have--including many gay people--around public sex, and I think it speaks to the reactionary view of human sexuality that is unfortunately the stock standard in these times. For many, the idea of people having sex in public gives them some sort of 'ick' that they can't seem to articulate.

Often discussions around public sex are framed like this: "if I walked in on people having sex, it would make me uncomfortable, I didn't consent to that, so people should not be having sex in public." It would be fairly reasonable to experience discomfort in this imagined scenario--in fact, I think most people probably would--and that discomfort isn't a problem. The problem is that the premise assumes a few crucial points, notably that 1. Walking in on public sex is a common occurrence and/or the desired outcome for those engaging in it 2. Discomfort is a form of harm 3. Exposure to (non-hegemonic) human sexuality is capable of causing some kind of nebulous psychic damage to the witness.

To the first point: in my decade or so of regular public sex, I can only think of one instance where I was actually walked in on. It was an alley off of a major road and probably only at around 1030p. I mention this because we absolutely would have chosen a different, more secluded location/time if we were doing anything other than fully clothed kink and maybe some kissing, because again, the goal for most is not exhibitionism; no one really wants to be walked in on, so we choose locations where it is less likely that we will be.

To the second point, I have little to say besides that it simply isn't. Discomfort is an everyday part of life and is something all people experience regularly without calls to stop every potential source of it. So what is it about this topic that makes people react this way?

This leads us to the third point: non-hegemonic modes of sexuality are treated as degenerative and caustic and therefore must be hidden (or eradicated) entirely from the public sphere. It is the classic double standard; think of things like the "Don't Say Gay" or "DADT" laws or more broadly the attempt to remove even the mention of the existence of gays from curriculum. Most of the people who fight for such measures likely don't take the same issue or action with a 48 foot billboard for the local strip club or with a heterosexual couple kissing on screen.

And while the spot that people place the line may differ greatly, this ire against public sex still draws from the same well of reaction against perceived degeneracy that the fascist draws from. If this is not self evidently a negative thing to you, I have little I can say to convince you.

Some may be thinking 'okay, even if it is not harmful or degenerate, why do public sex?' To me, it is just as strange that so many keep their sex lives confined to the home and I could posit the same question. Neither way of doing things is any more natural or unnatural than the other, one is just the societal default. If it would bring you joy, why not engage in public sex?

The world is large, and if you know where to look, there are countless spaces you can carve out and stake the pervert's claim to. Alleyways, parks, bathrooms, rooftops, and beaches are the first to come to mind for me. To answer your question directly, you find them by making them and taking them.

Time is a large factor here as well. A given spot in a park at 9p may not be suitable, but might be more so by 11p, and even more so by 1a. My experience is that the later it gets, more spots become viable with less heavy precautions.

Another factor is coverage. An open field is riskier than behind a tree. The middle of an alley is riskier than behind a dumpster. You want to limit the amount of vectors through which you could be exposing yourself. I value coverage from sight lines over seclusion.

Something else you want to think about is whether or not you are on private property. If you are, it's possible that there are security personnel sitting in a car somewhere nearby or a resident who notices you. At that point, the issue is not even the sex, it's the fact you're there at all.

Finally, you always have to be ready to dip. Be aware of your surroundings as best you can, listen for cars and people, don't get too caught up in the moment that you're blinded. You gotta be ready to pull your pants up and walk quickly away. I'd rather be safe than sorry. If something's not right, get outta there. If you can't, well, don't have your dick out at least.

Anyway, all that to say go out and have fun. Good luck and enjoy yourself. The world has room for you to fit yourself into.

[becausegraf]

So... Gulool Ja Ja and his troubled eldest

Some musings on why the Dawnservant, social skills-powerhouse, observant and transparent and trustworthy and capable and responsible Gulool Ja Ja

seems to have massively dropped the ball when it came to, you know...

preventing his own only biological child from turning towards murderous self-destructive supervillainy.

Gulool Ja Ja's biggest, most tragic failure in my understanding is that when it comes to Zoraal Ja specifically, he has a blind spot, and I think he knows it but he can't fix it.

I mean, what do you think is the ONE area that, unfortunately, he truly has nobody, not a single person in Eorzea, he can seek experienced, trustworthy counsel on?

It's being born a Blessed Sibling, living as a Blessed Sibling, Ruling as a Blessed Sibling, and raising a Son Of A Blessed Sibling who doesn't have two heads and will grow up facing extremely vicious treatment by some people as a consequence.

Zoraal Ja is unique, and the complications that come with being what he is in this cultural context are SMACK in the hazard zone of Gulool Ja Ja's own vulnerabilities and struggles.

Gulool Ja Ja's flying blind on this one, and his son's temperament is precisely the sort that his usual tools aren't a good fit for.

Papa's style is to give his children space, let them make their own decisions, to invite them to seek help and give them everything they could ask for in their environment to support them when he cannot.

Zoraal Ja's issue is one that would have required Gulool Ja Ja to be much more confident in his capacity as his parent than he seems to have been. He needed to see clearly that his son was struggling and that under his circumstances, he couldn't just ask for help, and ACT ON THAT OBSERVATION. Asking for support is not something that comes naturally to Zoraal Ja, and I can see a dozen reasons why he would actively avoid it, too.

'Kiddo, something's bothering you and for your own good, we need to talk or have you open up to someone else before this causes you great harm, and I will be accountable for this happening whether you're happy to cooperate or determined to run away from it. We're gonna figure this out, okay?'

That's the initiative it would have taken, at a much, much earlier point in time, for Zoraal Ja to have gotten the support he needed. He needed his parent to see the danger and protect him from it.

Gulool Ja Ja, through no ill intent or inate fault of his own, simply failed in that.

He doubtlessly has his own hangups, painful topics, things that drive even him to look away and lie to himself. Even if he had the amazing instinct of compensating for a shitton of his own flaws and limitations by cooperating with others that had what he lacked, again, in this one regard

literally nobody in existence

would have any sort of experience with this particular complexity, let alone the keen eye to identify Gulool Ja Ja's massive blind spot AND take the initiative to reach out to him and offer aid.

He and Zoraal ja both are masters at hiding their pain (these chicken dudes are a lot like cats, apparently), and both have pretty compelling reasons to do so. There aren't many people that would

a) care about them personally enough to even decide something needs fixing

b) have the emotional insight to detect what's going on and empathize with the exact problem

c) be the kind of person who could think of a suitable way to help without making a mess

d) have the guts to prod at their personal life without being asked to do so, and avoid getting shown the door immediately

In a sense, Gulool Ja Ja's unique circumstances, the rare thing that DISconnects him from others with no overlap with others anywhere, is his Achilles heel, his one fatal weakness in a person otherwise dipped in invulnerability.

And Zoraal Ja is the arrow that came for it, and it makes my heart break for the both of them.

(This gets a little personal for me, too, in the sense of 'my parents are so capable and smart and empathetic, they're so admirable and competent with everything and everyone EXCEPT WITH ME, for SOME reason, what the FUCK is wrong with me'. Nothing, my issues were just too much like their own issues, which isn't my fault and not theirs either.

Tell ya what, it's really weirdly painful to be in such a position as a kid, caught between love and admiration on one hand, and burning frustration and resentment and shitty self-esteem on the other.)

[colebegins]

i said this all in the tags of abigail’s post, but it was so long that i’m putting it in its own post

i completely understand where this breakup came from, and i am not upset with either of the characters involved in it. i appreciate the slight insight it gives into tommy’s lived experiences and his expectations, as well as the deep seated loneliness that he has alluded to in nearly every episode he has been in. the longing and the hope for connection and family and stability.

so yes, the breakup feels a bit self-sacrificial and self-destructive because he’s doing it now in an effort to protect his own heart. he thinks breaking things off now and dealing with that heartache now would be easier than waiting for it to ‘inevitably’ happen later when he is even more invested. and that makes sense!!! it does not come across, to me, as out of character at all. josh’s great speech even highlighted the scars that come along with queer people’s struggles (pre-glee) with themselves and with their relationships. there are so many experiences that could’ve left tommy scarred that would lead to this feeling that he cannot be buck’s last relationship. so this breakup, while it hurts, makes sense based on tommy’s reasonings, experiences, and conclusions he has come to.

but he also deserves for someone to prove him wrong.

my struggle with this breakup comes from the finality of the post-ep interviews. without the interviews, as a viewer who just saw the episode and is waiting for the next ones to come out without knowing any bts stuff or reading any articles, this would feel like a great path forward for buck to learn what he wants and to go for it — to fight for it.

buck discovering his bisexuality and being in a relationship with a man was never going to automatically solve all of buck’s issues with himself and with relationships, and specifically his place in relationships. but for the past 13 (?) episodes we have seen buck become more secure with himself and his space — the loft has had so many homey and cosy little decor changes, and it has been so interesting to see him feel more comfortable while making his place more comfortable. all of that makes the breakup feel sudden and unexpected, but that was the point. tommy surprised himself too, he even said so. they both felt comfortable and happy, but they also both have their own hangups. but also, they both actually want the same things. they both want love, stability, and mutual care, respect, and understanding. tommy thinks that buck will inevitably, accidentally, not maliciously, break his heart. and tommy does not think he can handle that, which i understand. buck has the opportunity to prove him wrong. but it seems (from interviews) that this is the last we will be seeing of tommy and their relationship.

now to take all of that, and have his next step be to just let this relationship go completely as he uses his old (self admitted) unhealthy coping strategies could be an interesting narrative arc to go down, but, for me, it would really only be worth it if he recognizes this old behavior coming back again, understanding where it’s coming from, and finds security in understanding what he wants. i want buck to feel happy, secure, safe, and loved. no matter who that is with — be it tommy, eddie, or some other person he happens to meet later. no matter who he is with, he is bisexual, and i will always be thankful that we have had this journey of self-discovery with him (which i hope we will continue to see ore development of — would also love if they would actually use the word ‘bisexual’ on the show). buck deserves to have growth and stability within himself and in his relationships, which is very clearly something he wants. he deserves to have that after eight seasons.

at the end of the day though, i will still feel upset for this end to tommy’s story, because he also deserves to feel happy, secure, safe, and loved. i hope he gets that one day. for now, that is what fan works are for.

[cinderella-ish]

Let's Talk About Kyoru!

I shared a little while ago (in my first-ever analysis post!) that I don't really have a lot in common with Tohru or Kyo, and I didn't really "get" them or their relationship right away. Today, someone asked on Reddit "What are your personal thoughts on Kyou x Tohru?" and I wrote out a long comment explaining how I grew to love them. So, here's an expanded and edited version of that comment, edited for Tumblr!

I loved both Tohru and Kyo as characters from the start. How could I not? Kyo is an endlessly meme-able, over-the-top tsundere cat-boy with a heart of gold, and Tohru is a lovable, overly-giving people-pleaser who's also a total space cadet prone to some very funny mishaps (that are maybe a little less funny once you understand her character).

What I didn't see at first was how their romantic relationship was an essential part of both Tohru's and Kyo's character development. Their arcs couldn't really have ended any other way, with how Takaya-sensei set them up.

See, Tohru begins the series in denial about the reality of her mother's death and unable to ask for or accept help, even from those closest to her, and even when people offer their help or support up front. She risks her own health and even her life to avoid burdening others, likewise risking herself to protect her memory of her mother (represented by the framed photo).

And Kyo begins the series convinced defeating Yuki will erase his past "sins," or alleviate his guilt from both Kyoko's and his mother's deaths. It's a Sisyphean task and he knows it, but he keeps at it because it's better than the alternative (actually dealing with his trauma) and possibly because he thinks he deserves to suffer defeat after defeat. He's in an extremely fragile place, having just returned from his trip to the mountains, and he truly believes he only hurts the people he loves.

I also think there's some small part of Kyo that's fighting to keep going, even from the start of the series. It's a twisted way to go about living, but he is still trying to live. He has the possibility of a life outside the Cat's House, and he's working his ass off to try and achieve it, even if it's most likely impossible. To me, that's not a character who's given up or accepted his fate.

Similarly, I think there's a small part of Tohru that knows she'll eventually need to accept that her mother is dead and make the decisions that are best for herself. It's harder to see this inner desire in Tohru than in Kyo, but I think it becomes clear when she chooses to stay with the Sohmas rather than return to her grandfather's house. She believed, at that point, that her grandfather was the only person left who knew and loved her mother, yet she knew she would be happier continuing to live with Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure. With the encouragement of her grandfather (and with Kyo and Yuki's heroic rescue mission), she moves forward on the path that will make her happiest.

It took me really digging deep and understanding each of their individual arcs to love them as a couple as much as I do now.

On first pass, it was obvious to me how much Tohru meant to Kyo, and the ways she directly countered his extremely low self-esteem and overwhelming guilt. However, I didn't really understand what Tohru liked about Kyo in a romantic sense.

I think this was probably due to my own anxiousness around men who yell, which strongly put me off of Kyo as a romantic lead. I also didn't like how he promised to protect Tohru again at the end, but that was again due to my own hangups. I have a strong dislike of being "protected" by my romantic partners (it feels patronizing and usually is done without asking or considering my own feelings about being protected). But I'll come back to that.

We know from the start that Tohru tends to reject attempts to care for her, or simply makes sure no one will be in a position to offer that care to her. She doesn't ask to stay with either of her best friends and she doesn't remain with her family during the renovations.

And Kyo is the only person who not only recognizes when Tohru's diminishing her own needs, but he's also the only person who consistently makes sure she has the support she needs, even if she initially refuses it. He tells her it's okay to get angry, asks her to vent her frustrations to him, and reminds her it's okay to be selfish.

I think with anyone else, she would have burned herself out and cut off most of her uncomfortable emotions. Kyo takes care of Tohru, and that's what she needs, because Tohru Honda has very different needs than I do (and that's okay!).

Also, Kyo doesn't yell nearly as much after the first season, but something I realized while writing my series on Kyo and Momiji's relationship is that most of Kyo's yelling is him trying to protect her and the others he cares for (like Momiji). He yelled because he was terrified of hurting her again, or of letting her get hurt through inaction. He'd yell at her when she did something that could've gotten her hurt, or he'd yell at others when they did something that could hurt her. That poor boy was carrying so much guilt over Kyoko's death, he made it his entire personality to try and protect Tohru, including from himself.

At Kyoko's grave, when he promised to protect Tohru for life, I initially read that as a step backwards for him. Wasn't that just a recipe for more guilt? After all, he couldn't possibly protect her from everything. But after some reflection, I think that was him finally internalizing the lesson from that last fight with Yuki: he was protecting her all along by making her smile and being there for her. That's Kyo recognizing that his presence is good for Tohru, and it's a huge shift in how he sees himself and his own self-worth.

So that's really why Kyo and Tohru are so perfect together. Kyo needed someone to help him see his own worth, and Tohru did that simply by needing him. Meanwhile, Tohru needed to prioritize her own needs and happiness, and she did that by admitting how much she needed Kyo. It's a loop that feeds back into itself. The more they care for each other, the more they overcome their initial mistaken beliefs about themselves.

I once shared in response to an ask that I believe Tohru needed Kyo even more than he needed her. Thinking of how badly she was suffering during the hospital arc, when she thought he'd rejected her, and how much she repressed her heartbreak during that time, I think it would've destroyed her if he hadn't decided to try and move forward with her. It would've taken a long, long time before she would've been able to open up to anyone like that again, and she may not have been able to ever again, given how hard it was for her to admit her feelings for Kyo in the first place.

So, I love them. Took me a while, but I'm fully aboard the Kyoru train now.

[scriptlgbt]

How should I show that a character's nonbinary when they themselves don't know? Should I even do it if they'll just be misgendered the whole story?

They're born in the early 70s (when the main story takes place they're 22). They have trans relatives but I don't think they know there are options beyond (a) staying their AGAB, (b) transitioning to the other binary gender, or (c) drag, which isn't really their thing.

I want to make it deeper than "they think gender roles are stupid" but I don't know where to start in portraying an nb egg.

[I'm assuming a lot about the culture of the particular 70s you're referring to. My POV is that I am "canadian" and much of my own personal knowledge of transness in this era comes from research in US archives. YMMV when it comes to places outside the heavily American sphere of cultural influence.]

So first of all, the 70s had a bit of a renaissance of androgyny. A common thing I'll see in advice columns of the era is someone asking what to do as a customer service worker when they "can't tell" what gender they think someone is, because of their hairstyle and the way they are dressed. I imagine there probably were a lot of people who took refuge in that ambiguity. A fro, a pageboy haircut, all these are something that people of any gender (not necessarily every texture but I digress) could wear.

Secondly, I figured out I was nonbinary before I knew it existed, before I had the words for it. (Though the term genderqueer was the in vogue one in the community at the time I figured my stuff out.) It's just that I sort of saw it as, "hmmm, well, I feel kind of between these things." And I think I'd seen it as sort of "half-trans" until I really understood transness better. (Note: this was for like a week tops.) I also went through a period of time a few years before this where I just sort of saw myself as a crossdresser (not drag - just someone who chooses to dress and cut their hair as they are comfortable and feel happy), but like, that as my gender identity, if that makes sense. I didn't have access to community of other people who felt like I did in order to compare to. But at the time, this also meant that when I talked about my feelings with others, they wouldn't have the same hangups about what it would mean for them if they said they felt the same. There were a lot of people I talked to in 2011ish who basically said they experienced gender as I did, only, I don't think most of them would understand for another 4 years at least.

One day I'd like to post more info about nonbinary history (especially in the 70s), but I'm just dumping info at this point. Something I will suggest for more on the topic is reading Lou Sullivan's diary, and reading autobiographies from trans people who were alive then. Even when they weren't out, they still existed, and lived in a world where they were carving out spaces for themselves.

To my understanding also, a lot of trans culture at the time sort of distinguished "transvestite" (trans people generally? but who haven't accessed medical transition) and "transsexual" (trans people who have or are intending to transition medically). Trans people of every variety might change gender expression based on their outness or the safety they had, and this didn't make them less seen as trans per se. A lot of people who ID'd either way (though more for "transvestite") would have a variety of approaches to things like name and pronouns. If this were the dominant terminology of the time that I were figuring things out, I'd probably have called myself a transvestite, though I would have likely been questioning the transsexual label for a while and ultimately not been able to access medical transition. (Though it depends on when in the 70s iirc - there was a time earlier on where it was easier to access I believe, but I'd need to fact check.)

In terms of general nonbinary egg mode stuff, or at least egg for an era where being nonbinary is not widely known to be a thing, here's some 'signs' (some are just straight up "that's canon if you put that in") I've brainstormed.

admiring specific fashion trends and looks that are gender nonconforming or androgynous (especially celebrities - maybe glam rock musicians, Joan Jett) (Joan Jett was huge for egg me personally...)

finding a lot of different ways to express how they feel in words (the "man/woman in a woman/man's body" phrasing is something that has historically bugged me, but people have used it throughout history) (more examples, dependant on the person, "I feel just as un/comfortable in my body and the way people see me as I would if I'd been born differently." "It's not a wo/man's haircut, it's mine." "I feel like a guy among my guy friends and a girl among my girl friends." "I feel uncomfortable when I go out with my partner and we are assumed to be straight/gay, though I don't know why." "I really enjoyed breeches roles when I did theatre in high school." "It felt good when I was mistaken for a woman.")

referring to themselves in their head with neutral terms

having dreams where they are recognized as themselves

feeling at home around trans people and queer people in general

watching or listening to certain songs/movies/etc that feel Gender for them over and over again

some kind of fixation on facial hair/other body part or lack thereof

it feeling different when different people use gendered terminology for the character (ex: a conservative Girl Guide leader calling everyone "ladies" vs a gay man saying "hey girl"). this is usually to do with what it's assumed the speaker's assigned meaning to the word is.

Re: misgendering through the whole story. A really convenient way to curb this would be to just have the character feel like the way they are (mis)gendered is also a part of their identity, it just isn't the whole picture. Another thing I sort of thought of in my early years was like, if people think I'm a woman, at least they understand there is something off about it. Whether they think I'm a butch lesbian or intersex (which was very regularly assumed throughout my life, at least until the general public started to catch wind of genderqueer identities). It matters to me that they at least understand my approach to gender is queer.

Another approach would be to have the story written from a distant past tense where the reader knows the identity of the character, because everything is told in distant hindsight. This is my favourite approach personally.

-mod nat

[taffywabbit]

it feels weird to finally get a year where I get to say this but I think maybe 2024 actually WAS my year. hopefully not the last, but it really feels like the first, at least in a long time. I was stagnant and static and drifting without much momentum in any direction for quite a while, and then suddenly this year:

I finally moved into a solo apartment and am no longer living in a house with an ever-shifting pool of like 5 roommates. having my own quiet comfy space to cook and relax and be nocturnal without bothering anyone has been HUGE for my mental health

I worked very hard to recoup the money I lost from that move and got myself in a fairly stable and comfortable position again, work-wise

I finally started HRT in June, after about 5 years of waiting/struggling to find a doctor/fear/general motivation issues. which absolutely kicks ass and is probably the highlight of the whole year if I had to pick just one

I also finally got diagnosed with ADHD and (with a little trial and error) got medicated for it, which is another thing I've been trying to sort out for like 6 years. hey did you know executive dysfunction and problems with memory/task management/motivation make it really hard to go through the process of getting treated for the cause of those symptoms? wild huh

I rekindled a much closer relationship with a couple of my younger siblings, especially the elder of my two sisters, and we have really nice chats fairly regularly now (crazy considering we did nothing but fight constantly for like 20 years lol)

I came out fully to my family, for better or worse, and MOST of them have been surprisingly chill and supportive about it

I worked on a little game project with a friend for a couple months! it didn't end up working out but I learned a lot from the experience

I started doing WAY more personal art and kinda rediscovered my passion for it, and as a result I've progressed a lot stylistically and technically within the past few months

I beat Pseudoregalia 94 times since the first time I tried it in February. not really an achievement on the same level as all this other stuff but I'm still proud of it

like idk! there were a lot of rough patches this year and I was honestly pretty burnt out for the first half of it, but 2024 still feels like the year where I bundled up all my frustration about going nowhere with my life and achieving none of my goals and turned it into fuel to just blaze through a bunch of stuff in the back half. I wish I'd done a lot of it sooner, but life has been reminding me a lot lately that it really IS better late than never, so I'm trying to keep that perspective in mind and not let the idea of a ticking clock intimidate me like it used to. I am trying to be optimistic that 2025 will allow me to continue this momentum. we'll see I guess!

idk if I really have any resolutions per se? I guess I'd really like to make music more often in 2025, even if it's just small things I do in one or two sittings occasionally instead of full songs. I started writing a song this year, with lyrics and everything, and then didn't finish putting it together, so at the very least I'd like to make THAT happen soon. I think finding a way to get myself back into animation casually would be neat too - I have a lot of mental hangups and personal roadblocks holding me back, largely from my awful college experience, but I think if I can just find some tools that are comfortable for me then I'll be able to conquer those and hopefully start enjoying it again on my own terms. there's other stuff I'd like to pick up this year as well but honestly I'm keeping my expectations small for now and we'll just see what happens! let's do it, wahoo

[utilitycaster]

for the controversial opinions thing: Neve and Lucanis's romantic relationship is good actually.

obviously, agreed; I literally considered the potential of their relationship to be an outright selling point for the game, and I've alluded heavily to it in a few posts, but time to actually talk about it.

I don't think you can ENTIRELY discount all criticism on the basis of the fans from which it comes, because that's an oversimplification that fails to provide any sort of defense, just a counter-attack. WITH THAT SAID it does feel like the vast majority of criticism of the relationship comes from people who have a very "I can fix him...and ONLY I can fix him" attitude towards the Rook/Lucanis romance option and are looking for something fraught and dramatic and angsty and are mad that Lucanis is not looking for that in his relationship, either with Rook or with Neve. Like, I cannot stress that the fact that the most popular non-Crow Lucanis romance option is Rook Mercar is WILD to me when it should be the least popular by a country mile has been ENLIGHTENING to say the least. I definitely think the fact that Neve is a woman of color does not HELP but I think even people who like Neve and are not being racist or misogynistic towards her are still mad that Lucanis is depicted as, well, bisexual but not playersexual, and he still has clear preferences and Neve is among them. (I have NOT seen the same criticism among Neve romancers which is interesting to me and I think that again while racism/misogyny play a part, I don't think people are interested in that same I Can Fix Her/I Am Her OTP narrative).

Anyway getting to the actual relationship and why it's good: Neve and Lucanis are both people who are quite private about their lives but in different ways. Neve doesn't show vulnerability out of cynicism and the way she's had to force herself not to get too invested because she's lost people in her line of work, whereas Lucanis doesn't because he is proud. Neve's response to you choosing Treviso is "you don't care about Dock Town; most people don't and it bothers me but I can't show it does, because if I did I couldn't go on doing my work." Lucanis's response to you choosing Minrathous is "I begged for your help publicly and you turned me down, so I'm never asking for your help again." And they both, despite those separate motivations, instantly get how the other feels. Neve doesn't blame Lucanis because she's also fighting for her city! Lucanis doesn't have the same hangups about Neve because she was ALSO begging for help.

From what I know they also romance each other in a way not unlike how they romance Rook, and I think that's indicative of like, a well-formed character with clear preferences. Like, they are people who would, indeed, like each other. Everyone in the Veilguard has a great deal of pride in what they do, that's kind of the point, but Lucanis is an extremely patient and cautious person in romance, and Neve responds to that! If you're not going to do a full wisp stakeout with her she's not interested! And Neve is both extremely kind towards Lucanis and supports you telling him he shouldn't be used to Spite taking control, but doesn't turn this into a melodramatic "oh you poor thing" production, and a lot of what Lucanis wants is to be treated kindly but normally.

The canon banter they have about the relationship with other companions really boils down to, well, I know it gets used a lot, but the EEAAO Laundry and Taxes line. They are both people who have suffered greatly but what they're looking for is someone who will make them coffee at four in the morning and be patient when they're not forthcoming. Essentially they're BOTH really sensitive to being treated as A Project To Be Fixed and want someone who will not do that, and who will instead be patient and domestic and blissfully undramatic with them and give them space to open up rather than push them.

I started to go off about this in the tags and realized I should put it in the post but: I think a lot of people DO understand the companions/factions are all genre stories but DON'T get that the companions do NOT (with the possible exception of Taash) want their romance to be that genre. Lucanis is in a soap opera and Neve is in a detective story and BOTH of them want their love life to be a respite from that, not more of the same.

[balrogballs]

thank you very much @i-am-a-lonely-visitor for the tag!

As we're finishing out 2024, what is one thing from your writing this year that you're particularly proud of? And what is one fic you wrote that you would recommend for others to read?

Ooh so this is the year I first started writing and posting Tolkien fic (the battering ram smutfic was a one off. battering ram georg should not be counted) during and after drafting novel 2, as a ‘writing reward’ and it has been really so fun all around + am glad I dipped my toes into the fandom space on here as well!

Something I wrote that I’m keen for people to read: I was going to say Cast in Stone but went with The Forest House — I really enjoyed writing Celrond not as tragic lovers but rather two weirdos who have been married for almost 2500 years, and the aggravating little domesticities herein.

Something I’m proud of writing:

This fic may not count as it’s a current WIP but it’ll be posted before the year’s out so I’m counting it. It’s a 4th Age ensemble Russingon + Celrond set largely in the Halls of Mandos (imagine heist film + war film + getting together) and I’ve really enjoyed getting to write more ‘meta’ elements and generally trying to engage with the lore itself and the way Valinor/ME works.

I avoided wider concepts for quite a while as I was concerned that I wasn’t enough of an “expert” on the source texts to write about the mechanics of the world itself, let alone even touch any of the Valar, and was also afraid I would sound too preachy or academic — am very happy I got over that hangup because it is genuinely very fun to fuck with Mandos 🤪🙏🏽

For next year, I’m hoping to write more Russingon because I’ve only done one so far yet I am OBSESSED now ✨

[ms-demeanor]

hello! i vaguely recall you doing a new year's resolution bingo thing - first, was that actually you lol? and if so, how'd it go, any adjustments you'd make from the original idea? (i did a resolution bingo this past year, which mostly ended up being a 24 item quest buffet, which did work for me! but i'm curious for more data). happy new year to you and your various sizes of bastard!

Hello! Yes, that was me. It didn't go great!

I did a resolution bingo in 2022 but it ended up feeling like homework and at a certain point in the year I looked at the spaces that I hadn't filled and it just made me feel bad.

In 2023 I did kind of a chore chart; I used a sheet of college-ruled notebook paper and divided it up into columns with things like "guitar" and "draw" and and "quilt square" and "go for a walk by myself" and numbered out 52 lines and I went through and highlighted each thing as I did it each week. That went very well for some things and not very well for others. I had at least a few columns where I did something every other week, and I totally finished the quilt square column, and I drew something for like 40 weeks, but I also had several categories that I did absolutely nothing for and several categories that had very few highlights.

That chart *also* was kind of a problem and there was a week in, like, august where my brain was being weird and was like "you can't do more of X until you've caught up on Y and Z" because I had to flip the paper over and wanted to finish three columns before I flipped it - that was clearly a very silly hangup but I don't make the rules for what my brain will freak out about and it caused a disproportionate amount of stress.

This year I kind of combined the two and I've made three sheets of paper with different tasks on different lines, and in different amounts. (And none of the papers need to be flipped over so I won't get a weird hangup week)

So instead of having 52 blanks each for "pushups" "squats" and "go for a walk by myself" I've got 156 blanks for "workout: lifting, calisthenics, stretching, walking, cardio." I didn't do a single walk by myself last year, and it turns out I'm pretty unlikely do do random squats or pushups, so rather than try to do one exercise fifty two times I'm just going to try to do *some* kind of exercise three times a week and I'm not going to feel bad about it if that's more bench press instead of more cardio.

I did pretty well with quilt squares so i've set a goal to do twice as many this year. I set a goal for 52 drawings and writing seriously 52 times. My yard is a disaster so my goal is to fill my yardwaste bin 52 times this year.

But what I *haven't* done is divide that up by week. Maybe some weeks I'll get four workouts in and other weeks I'll do two. Maybe I won't draw for a month but I'll get into it a lot over the summer.

One of my two other sheets is things that I'd like to do daily. My four daily tasks that I'm aiming for are: clean something at the house, floss, moisturize, and journal. (Journaling was successful in the bingo year but not at all last year)

The other sheet is the one that's more like the bingo, or what I think the spirit of the bingo is supposed to be. I've got it labeled "Bonus" and each thing on it has about twenty circles that I can check off if I do something but that I don't see as a goal. That includes stuff like "friend hangs" and "go someplace" - stuff that I want to do more of but that I can either plan or do spontaneously and that doesn't have a big project end goal (so it's "do something with music like program a music box or play guitar for a while" rather than "write a song" like it was the bingo year, when no song got written).

I may have also just kneecapped myself by making the bingo squares too hard. Maybe I should do a monthly bingo with smaller goals.

The bingo also got harder when I failed at bullet journaling; turns out that's not a great way for me to manage my time and attention and the bingo was in the bullet journal. Having stuff on a wall next to the light switch in my office helped a lot last year, I think, so that's where my sheets are this year too.

IDK, this is all fun to experiment with and I enjoy it but also I'm never sure if any of it "works" in terms of getting me to do more of the things that I'd like myself to do. It did work for quilt squares last year, though, and that's the best progress I've made on my quilt since I started it in 2021. And the daily chart is helping a lot so far.

But maybe I just like making charts (I do).

[radioactive-earthshine]

I think sending Jason into space, specifically working with Vril Dox II in L.E.G.I.O.N. would be good for him and his character, and it would also be good for L.E.G.I.O.N. as well because it would make it fresh for new readers and give them a reason to care about it. Because L.E.G.I.O.N. is, as we now know, active in the main continuity but had been dispersed due to the United Planets plot.

They could actually launch this first as a new R.E.B.E.L.S. series and it follows Vril, his son Lyrl, Jason, and a few other select members as they work to reform L.E.G.I.O.N. and fight against the prevailing fascism of the United Planets which is working with Waller to isolate Earth.

So this series could reestablish a workable continuity for the space community which is important for the mainline universe.

What this would also do is give Jason a real opportunity to be developed in a space where Gotham is not a factor. It would let him grapple with his issues, his hangups, his questions of morality and use of force, his feelings of betrayal and anger etc etc all in the company of people who have also varying degrees of the same feelings.

Vril is a very morally dark grey personality who suffered extreme abuse at the hands of his own father and people who once wanted nothing more than to kill "Daddy Doxest". With the influence of his dear friend The Durlan he was able to dream about a better future and a better society where injustices are corrected, often with extreme measures that the Justice League of Earth would never think to do. His methods are lethal, they are underhanded, they are evil in some ways but always with the best of intentions. Not to get too much into his lore, he has gotten significantly less a cunt and no longer is actively trying to kill his father at all costs (as if DC would let him kill Brainiac).

His very meshes well with Jason because he could be a surrogate example of a Batman Jason wanted and never saw, but they also share a rage and an anger that mirrors each other.

Vril would enable him.

Lyrl, Vril's son - is also a little cunt that tried to kill Vril multiple times for multiple reasons through Looney Tunes comic logic. He too is on a shade of dark grey, who also suffered at the hands of his father who lobotomized him to save his life (sound familiar????). The lobotomy was reversed in Lyrl and comic events unfolded around him and Vril and they both managed to come to a neutral truce and understanding to just... exist.

We haven't had much development on either of these characters since R.E.B.E.L.S v2 ended pre-Flashpoint and House of Brainiac (2024) only showed us that they appear to be working together civilly.

Lyrl is closer to Jason's age and has a lot of that more youthful outrage of betrayal coupled with tempered violence that he's worked through for the most part.

ANYWAY my point is, throwing Jason into space with other people that aren't good or evil (mostly) who also have father-figure issues and complex relationship to family, morality, their ideas of justice and what a good society looks like might actually help make Jason develop.

And if you have a shipper brain Lyrl/Jason might not be so bad of a ship and they would both enable, compliment and contrast each other and make each other see other sides of themselves they didn't know they had.

But I mean, this is just me rolling things around.

[the-fandom-crossroads]

Just read through A Glitch in Time for the first time and it woke up the Danny Phantom brain rot. I came up with this world building head cannon but I have no idea if it's already been thought up in the years since I was last in the fandom. So I figured I'd share it and see if there's like already fics or posts about it.

No A Glitch in Time spoilers in this!

So my idea is that the Ghost Zone isn’t so much another dimension but instead another location in Earth’s dimension. Specifically the liquid mantle of Danny’s earth isn’t made up of magma but instead ectoplasm. The Ghost Zone is the center of their planet.

That’s why if you blow up the center of the ghost zone the human world goes too. Or if you hit the human world with an asteroid the ghost zone goes. Because the human world is just the outer shell of the ghost world.

Fell down a rabbit hole and apparently this is already a physics question? Link It’s called the Shell Theorem and basically you’d float anywhere in the hollow shell planet because you are being equally pulled from the edge closest to you and farthest from you. In our case the hollow shell if filled with ectoplasm instead of like empty air.

It would explain why gravity is “optional” in the zone. Because the closer you get to the gravitational center the more the rules of gravity get wonky. If you’re standing on a floating rock in the zone there’s gravity to hold you to the rock, but jumping off of it means you just float there. The ghost zone rocks move because earth is spinning and that shifts around the ectoplasm soup the lairs are floating in.

The Ghost Zone is usually depicted with a spiral or spherical layout. Newer lairs farther out and the oldest lairs farther in. I know there’s already headcanons about what’s at the center or core of the ghost zone. But the point is everything in the zone is floating around this central point making it very easy to move the ghost zone map into the center of a globe. Easier than saying it’s a parallel dimension when one is confined to a flat plane and the other builds upward and outward in all directions. The infinity map always confused me with that fact that it's a flat scroll instead of like Treasure planet’s space map.

When someone dies the intangible soul is no longer anchored to the surface of the planet. The Soul is pulled through the solid crust layer pulled towards the center of the planet and if they have a strong enough “purpose” they gather enough ectoplasm to form a ghost around that core purpose. If a ghost core isn’t formed to collect ectoplasm around the soul to form a ghost body the soul gets pulled all the way to the center of the planet where it stops because gravity is pulling it equally from all directions. All the souls clump together to form KINGDOM HEARTS!!! Sorry wrong fandom. But it probably holds onto the souls until a new body is born in a form of reincarnation. Jack NightingGale is my only point for this. But like it’s literally Jack Fenton only 200 years ago.

Ghosts that finish their unfinished business or “fade” simply release their soul from their ghost cores so they can return to the core of the zone and rejoin the reincarnation cycle again. You don’t want to carry hangups from your past life into your next one so the zone is supposed to be a chance to work through those. That’s why even tho ghosts don’t “die” of old age there are more young ghosts than older ghosts.

The reason ghost activity was low to non-existant before the Fenton portal is because of how much energy/ectoplasm a ghost had to use to get through the solid crust layer. There isn’t a lot of ectoplasm on the surface usually so they couldn’t replenish what they spent on the trip. You had to be an insanely strong ghost or save up a large amount of ectoplasm to be able to make the trip and then make your form visible and physical on the surface. So the only ones who did were ones that had to come up because of their purpose which leads to the assumption all ghosts have “unfinished business”. They also had to pick and chose what they spent energy on. Physically touching things and pushing things over, or being transparent and slightly visible to the living. Willowisps or floating balls of light were only their cores visible with the ghost not having the strength to form a full body of ectoplasm in the human world.

Natural portals were basically random volcano explosions and rarely used because you didn’t know when the eruption would end. If the portal closes and you’re stuck on the surface you might not have enough energy for the long way back. Also they spit you out in a random location and time. Any ghost with a strong desire to return to the human world have a specific place in mind.

Amity Park is YellowStone. A place where a pocket of magma in this case ectoplasm is extremely close to the surface. The Fenton’s poked that pocket otherwise there wouldn’t have been enough ectoplasm for the portal to pull from initially. That’s why the college portal fizzled out so quickly it pulled in all the nearby ectoplasm and then just died off like a fire without wood. The Amity portal is a geyser spewing ecto energy into the town and an Express Elevator all rolled into one. Ghosts can now make it to the surface without spending all their ectoplasm to do it and then there’s enough ambient ectoplasm to keep them stable for a while before having to return to the Zone. So weaker ghosts like the lunch lady and box ghost use it. Ghost animals like the ectopi and Cujo use it. Ghosts like Ember and Skulker who could feed their obsessions just fine in the zone use it cause at the end of the day there’s more humans than ghosts on the planet.

But the “nice” ghosts stay in the zone because they don’t feed on feelings that are hard to get. Frostbite “feeds” on the feeling of safety or calmness of his tribe. There is no reason to leave the far frozen to accomplish this so he doesn’t. Pandora doesn’t feed on emotions but her soul purpose is to protect her box so no one ever opens it again. Again no reason to leave the zone.

The Next bit got a little rambly with me explaining my thoughts on ectoplasm=calories for ghosts and how that affects fights and danny’s powers. So I’m just gonna like make that a second post? Sorry this one got long.

Tldr; What if the ghost zone was the liquid mantle part of Danny Phantom's Earth?

Like I said I don’t know if folks have already talked around this idea. Heck I might have read a post about it years ago and forgot. The main headcanon I remember is the spiral ghost zone where lairs spiral out from the center of the zone like a galaxy. But I know the Phandom has combed over every frame of the show at this point. So I’d love it if ghost planet core headcanons are already out there and yall can share some links. Or if there’s any thoughts you’d like to add to the idea. Please do!

[absolutebl]

hi there 🖐🏼 what are your recs for bl movies with great acting?

BL Movies with GREAT Acting

Specifically Movies? Do KBLs that were cut into movies count? Hum, I'm gonna make a judgement call given how few actual movies I have to work with and say if it holds as a "movie going experience" I can count it. I should say in order to really push this into the superlative acting space the BL aspect on many of these is... light.

His

Japan 2020 Viki

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out as gay. It addresses the consequences of life choices disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love and ended badly. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him, already brokenhearted because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite way, tried to pretend to be something he was not and ended up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. The acting is killer, Miyazawa Hio is sulky in the best possible way, the filming is beautiful and the setting unique and interesting...

I'm not wild about the ending. Moody arthouse smackdoodle is going to pretend that "ambiguous" is somehow unique and special rather than bog standard commonplace for narratives of this type. But endings are my hangup, not yours?

This is not really BL (the prequel was), so few of the tropes are used. You do not need to have watched the prequel.

Your Name Engraved Herein

Taiwan 2020 Netflix

This movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing. It’s a self acceptance journey that goes emotionally array on the alter of history, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. I would say it's not really BL, no real trope drops at all.

Okay those two I chose more on the strength of the acting than BL. These others are not going to be at the same standard/style.

If you want moee of the above level of drama, things get very sad in the BL world, so Love of Siam, Dew, Eternal Yesterday, Goodbye Mother, etc...

Restart After Come Back Home (Risutato wa tadaima no ato de)

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning. The acting is a touch stiff, in that Japanese reserved way.

This is the only BL movie, as a movie, that I could pull. There are others, I jsut don't think the acting is good enough.

So here are some highly rated short bingable series that are movie length (1.5-2.5 hours) but not really movies - BUT with killer acting. So they still might satisfy the itch. I places them in order of acting and filming quality, not my own personal preference.

From Japan

Old Fashion Cupcake

Tokyo in April is...

Life: Love on the Line (director's cut)

My Beautiful Man

I Cannot Reach You

Seven Days

From Taiwan

Red Balloon

We Best Love (esp part 2)

About Youth

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

From Korea

To My Star

Long Time No See

The New Employee

Where Your Eyes Linger

More like this?

I want to shout out The Eighth Sense here too. It's longer than movie length but so well acted.

(source)