#(mentioned->)

[mikimakiboo]

Happier Somewhere Else

It's been a while since I wrote some Nightmare angst :)

Thankfully @somegrumpynerd posted a wonderful thought that gave me a boost of inspiration :D ( surprise surprise hope you enjoy :) )

Tw: some self hatred, mention of past bullying, slight abandonment issue, basically just Nightmare badly needing therapy and having a bad time™

- What would you like to do ?

Nightmare asked as Killer turned to look at him, taken aback by the question. His boss rarely asked him about what he would like to do, surely because the determination dripping skeleton always seemed pleased with everything. He was always so enthusiastic about everything Nightmare asked him to do or anywhere he asked him to go, that Nightmare just didn't think Killer would want something else. But his henchman had looked quite... down, lately, he often found him looking through the window, lost in his thoughts, spacing out during dinner or mid conversation, and so he had been worried that he could be longing for something else that Nightmare didn't think of providing, but now that a truce had been established with his brother, it would be easier to satisfy whatever need he had.

Killer thought for a moment, glancing at the window before looking back at Nightmare. Something he wanted to do ? He didn't want to do anything special, but... he did want to go out... did that count as something to do ?

- I... I want to go in the Omega Timeline... to see Color...

Nightmare didn't respond right away, and Killer saw him frown a little, was his answer not what Nightmare expected ? Should he have asked to watch TV instead ?

Nightmare kept staring at him for a few seconds before realizing that he was waiting for an answer.

- I.. sure, you can.. you can go see him...

He hesitated. Killer smiled, giving him a hug that Nightmare didn't know how to reciprocate, before letting him go and leaving to go to his room.

- I'm gonna pack my bag, I'll be back in five minutes !

Nightmare watched him leave, a feeling that he hadn't felt in years emerged in his soul and he had to take a deep breath to try and suppress it. He looked out the window. It was autumn, his favorite season, he loved watching the trees change color and the leaves falling on the ground, the trees in Dreamtale never did that, his AU had been stucked in a perpetual spring due to the Tree of Feelings. His boys always teased him when he called it autumn instead of fall, they always said he was so fancy and sophisticated.

- Hey, uh.. you're good ?

Nightmare turned, Killer was back with his bag on his shoulder. He looked worried. Nightmare forced a smile.

- Yeah, I'm good, I'll take you to the Omega Timeline.

He wrapped a tentacle around Killer's wrist and the two of them dissappear in a puddle, when the reappeared they were in a white void, a spot in the Omega Timeline that was far enough from the city as to not be seen. Nightmare wasn't welcomed here.

Color was already there, Killer must have sent him a message. He looked at Nightmare with suspicion, as he always did, not trusting him near his friend. The black skeleton let go of Killer, watching him run to his friend to hug him full force, his soul radiating happiness and excitation while Nightmare's soul only clenched in his ribcage. When Killer turned around, Nightmare was already gone.

Nightmare reappeared back in the living room, alone, his whole chest burning from the inside. He felt Dust's presence behind him.

- Hey, uh, I saw Killer running out of his room with a bag, you dropped him somewhere ?

- He's.. in the Omega Timeline..

Nightmare answered without turning around. Dust laughed.

- Off being gay with his rainbow boyfriend again ?

Nightmare forced himself to chuckle but he already felt his lips trembling.

- Yeah.. I'll.. be in my office, I have work to do, do not disturb me..

He said before teleporting, leaving Dust in the living room, confused.

He locked the door and went to sit on his chair. What had he done ? Why did he let him go ? Why did he let Killer leave ? Why did he want to leave in the first place ? Wasn't he happy here with them ? He thought he had been happy, he was always so.. so joyful when they were all together... had he been secretly miserable ? So miserable that now that there was a truce he saw his chance to leave ? To go be happy with his friend, like Dust said, because he wasn't truly happy here ? What did Nightmare do wrong, what did he not see, for Killer to want to leave this soon ?

Nightmare felt terrible, like a giant weight was crushing him and couldn't get up, he could never get up. He had thought that Killer was happy, he truly believed it, but he asked him to leave, and Nightmare hadn't found the strength to tell him no, to keep him away from someone who made him smile more then they could ever had. He didn't find the strength to say no, to lock him here and watch him be miserable and knowing he was the cause of his misery. Not again.

He didn't want to be the cause of anybody's misery, not again, not anymore. He had felt so bad, so guilty, each time a villager accused him of causing harm to them or their family. He didn't want to harm anyone, all he wanted was play under the tree with his brother, his brother was always so happy to be with him. He harmed him too. He harmed him each time there was a storm, Dream didn't like thunder, it always made him cry when it was too loud, he was scared. But where did fear come from ? It came from him. From his apples. He knew that if Dream was scared it was because of him, because he guarded those feelings, each time someone felt fear or sadness or despair it was because of him. He knew it. So if Killer was unhappy, it must have been because of him.

His gaze fell on the picture on his desk, a picture taken by Killer, on which there was everyone. They were smiling, Nightmare was in the back, watching them fondly, his boys, his family. He grabbed the frame carefully, holding it with both hands. He loved them so much... were they happy here ? Did they want to go too ? Should he let them go ? He wanted them to be happy, even if it meant they would be far from him...

He sighed, putting the frame back on his desk, he teleported to his room and fell on his bed. Dinner was almost ready, judging by the time, but he wasn't hungry. Horror wouldn't be pleased with him skipping a meal, but he felt like he would throw up if he ate anything. His chest felt too full, ready to explode, he felt like he had something in his throat making his cheeks tingle. He rolled on the other side of his bed, holding a pillow in his arms as his tentacles curled around him in a protective manner. He was breathing faster, louder, his lips were shaking. He felt pathetic. He didn't have the right to cry. He didn't have the right to feel sad that Killer was happy. He should be happy for him ! He should be happy Killer had someone who cared about him ! He should... he should have seen something was wrong... he should have guessed... it wasn't rocket science, he could never make someone happy, that was his brother's role, not his, it had never been his. His role was to make people miserable, and he was good at this job, so good that he himself felt so miserable at that moment.

He didn't find sleep this night, he just kept rolling over and over and over, listening to the others go to bed too. Horror had knocked at his door, informing him that his plate was in the fridge if he was hungry later. He wasn't hungry. He wanted to throw up. He felt disgusted, disgusted of himself for having neglected Killer so much he didn't notice he wasn't happy.

He got out of bed in the morning, later than usual, he felt heavy. He managed to drag himself to the kitchen and sit at the table where the others, minus Killer, were already having breakfast.

- Mornin' Night, want coffee ?

Horror asked, already making some pancakes. Nightmare nodded, not feeling like talking this morning.

- You look down, bad night ?

Cross asked him, worried, Nightmare was usually the first to get up. He nodded again and gave a small smile to Horror when he gave him his mug, sipping on the hot liquid.

He listened to them as they were having their conversation. Did they want to leave too ? Did they have places to go, people to meet, where they would be happier than here ? Did they know Killer wouldn't come back ? Did he already tell them goodbye ?

- You're sure you're okay ?

Dust asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. His hands were shaking on his empty mug. He looked at the hooded skeleton, and the hooded skeleton looked back at him, squinting. Nightmare looked down.

- I'm fine, just.. just thinking about.. about stuff..

He mumbled, not at all convincing, and he knew it. He got up before any of them could ask anything else and teleported back in his office.

Would they also leave him one day ? He couldn't stop thinking about it. Were they unhappy too ? If Killer was unhappy, were they too ? Would he be strong enough to let them go ? Would he be strong enough to get up after their departure ? Would he be strong enough to keep living without them ? Would he live or just exist ? Would they even want to hang out with him from time to time ? To ask how he was doing ? Who would they ask that ? Dream maybe ? How would Dream know ? They haven't spend time with each other for so long... maybe it was time for Nightmare to catch up with his brother ? Maybe it was time he finally did something right in his life ? Something good, instead of making everyone he met feel like a piece of garbage ? Maybe Dream would stay a little... ? At least out of pity... ? He was always so nice, surely he would accept to keep him company from time to time...

His phone buzzed on his desk. Nightmare looked at it, frowning, he rarely received any messages. He grabbed it, unlocking it quickly to see who wanted to contact him. It was Killer.

" You can come pick me up now :D waiting at the usual spot kiss kiss •3• "

Nightmare stared at his screen for a while, reading the message over and over again, until his phone locked itself on its own after being left untouched for too long. He saw his reflection in the black screen. He felt ridiculous. So ridiculous. He wanted to laugh, and he laughed, he laughed at the absurdity of the situation, he laughed until it turned into crying, until he cried and choked on all those tears he was fighting since he dropped Killer in the Omega Timeline, the tears he was fighting in bed, during breakfast, he let his soul pound faster and harder, his chest burn, his throat hurt, and his eye and cheeks sting.

He thought he had lost him, he thought he was gone forever and that he would lose the others too, he had been so scared, and for what ? For nothing. For nothing at all. Killer wanted to come back home, he didn't want to leave, he wanted to come back. He had been so scared, so scared to be alone again, to be this lonely little child again, this little child with no friends, no one to talk to, to play with... a terrified little child who just wanted to love and loved... he didn't want to go back to that, he wanted to stay with his boys, he wanted them to stay with him, they were so precious to him, his whole reason to live, he didn't bear the thought of losing them...

But Killer wasn't gone, they were all still here, all at home, they were with him, and he would make it last as long as possible...

- Hey you sure he got connection in this old ass castle ?

Color asked Killer. They have been waiting for Nightmare for almost an hour when he would usually show up not one minute after Killer sent a message.

- He probably got his head in a book, he's such a bookworm I swear.

Killer chuckled, sitting on him bag, humming happily. How could he not be happy ? He spent the whole day with his best friend and was now going back home to play with his other besties !

He truly couldn't be happier.

[glitz-and-glammer]

✨️Glitz and Glammer✨️

(The Pacifica Northwest blog and @Preportal-Fiddleford's way of escaping his blog and his tormented reality.)

This isn't all role-playing. It may not ever be used for role-playing until @Mabel-Brown-Sugarrrrr comes back. Mabel, please...

(´＿｀。)ﾞ

Nobody even knows this blog exists. Yay?

[jvhdb]

[molabuddy]

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

[prokopetz]

I approve of powerscaling discourse only in utterly senseless contexts. I don't give a shit about which shōnen protagonists could beat up which other shōnen protagonists, but I will 100% read your five thousand word essay exploring the subtle nuances of establishing a tiered ranking of the Smurfs.

[werewolfmack]

A story to boost the morale of a broken country.

[lgbtqtext]

[aropride]

did… did she do that?

[queer-crusader]

Look I don't wanna bitch but if your Tumblr fic takes longer to scroll past than the Do You Love The Colour Of The Sky post then it would be kinda appreciated if you put the majority of it under a Read More button

[dailykrusie]

Day 3

[gallium-spoon]

A friend and I were discussing what we're like when we're sick and we decided people usually fall into one of these five 'sick modes': *Everyone is probably multiple of these at different times depending on how sick they are and with what but we think most people have a mode they default to and become more often than the others*

Delicate Consumptive Victorian: you feel tragic and mournful but also beautiful in a sad way, you are in bed, sipping hot tea, others should quietly whisper about how you are too good for this world, too beautiful, too tragic... And bring you more tea

Sick Dog: you are curled up in a ball, you don't want anything, you don't need anything, but it would be nice if others could still ask you if you need anything

Sickly Child Emperor: you are dying and it's everyone else's problem, you need pillows, no! you need soup, no! You need absolute silence or you will not be the first one to die today

Plague Pit: you are curled up probably on the floor, no one touch you, no one look at you, this is between you and God and you already know He has no mercy left for you

Warrior General: you are not sick. You are in perfect health and you don't know why anyone would think otherwise. Illness is an enemy that can be intimidated and you must remain strong for your men! (You are going to pass out at the most inconvenient moment possible)

[megafaunatic]

ok mouse.

[shamebats]

[prokopetz]

"It doesn't help your credibility to exaggerate, most employers wouldn't literally work you to death" like, I used to work in distribution. If booking a truck driver for back to back shifts until they fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die counts as being worked to death, I have personally met employers who've worked employees to death and gotten away with a slap on the wrist. It may not be universal, but it's a hell of a lot more common than a lot of us would prefer to think.

[chessb0r3d]

Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore.