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yelenasdog · 3 years ago

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rebel girl (vic de angelis x fem!singer!reader)

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 REBEL GIRL 𝐁𝐘 BIKINI KILL

(listen while reading for best experience)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff with a sprinkle of angst for .0000002 seconds

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: a kiss during a shared performance turns into something more.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 2.3k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing, kissing, drinking, my attempts at writing roman dialect and italian, and i believe that’s it.

𝐚/𝐧: ok so i know not a whole lot abt måneskin so if anything abt this in terms of the band or how they perform is inaccurate forgive me! but i think vic is hot and this song makes me think of her LOL. thanks for reading, and enjoy the fic!! <3

(all translations will be linked at the end of the fic)

♀~♀~♀

The cheers of the crowd were deafening, but it seemed the beating of her own heart was even louder. Lights flashed a plethora of neon colors, and those on the stage looked liked silhouettes moving about freely.

Ethan nodded at Thomas, quickly bringing down his stick to the tightly spread plastic.

Thomas bobbed his head, starting to play the opening riff.

Select members of those in attendance began to cheer, just the opening notes being enough to give away what was about to be performed.

“For our last song tonight, we’d like to bring out someone you all know and love.” Damiano spoke into his mic, wrapping an arm around Vic’s neck and allowing her to lean down into the microphone in his hand.

“She’s someone that everyone, including myself, heavily admire as an icon of the generation and a true Riot Grrrl.” 

Her eyes closed, a deep breath inhaled and exhaled through her painted mouth. She jumped up and down in her heeled boots, face pointed towards the rickety ceiling of the venue as she did so. She ran a ring adorned hand over her earpieces and made a funny face, making sure they were adjusted to her liking.

A stagehand appeared to her right, handing her a microphone and wishing her good luck. She smiled, responding with a quick “thanks” and a smile.

Victoria looked over from her place on the stage with Damiano, a devilish glint in her eye.

“Here for one night only, London let us introduce” he yelled, leaning down to Vic’s level once more, allowing them to both speak at once, “Y/n Y/l/n!”

A roar erupted from everyone in the building as the aforementioned strutted on stage, lifting the mic to her lips.

“That girl thinks she’s the queen of the neighborhood, she’s got the hottest trike in town.” She started, finding her mark in the center of the stage.

“That girl, she holds her head up so high, I think I wanna be her best friend yeah.” Damiano’s raspy voice let out next, both of their voices mixing together like honey as they started the chorus.

“Rebel girl, rebel girl, rebel girl you are the queen of my world.

Rebel girl, rebel girl.”

“I think I wanna take you home” Y/n began, Damiano then taking over.

“I wanna try all your clothes.” He finished, both him and Y/n groaning in unison to the song.

Vic would be lying if she said she didn’t have to clear both her throat, and her mind. Thomas’ fingers worked skillfully and quickly on the neck of his guitar on the small transitional solo, his focus staying on the cool steel.

Damiano held up his tattooed hand, making a talking motion as he sang and rolled his eyes, “When she talks, I hear the revolution.”

Y/n came up behind Vic, one hand running across her hip, the other on her own as she chose to lean into Vic’s mic over her shoulder, “In her hips, there’s revolutions.”

The lead singer then strutted across the stage back to Ethan, propping a leg up on the base of his kit, and then walking back singing, “When she walks, the revolution’s coming.”

Knowing what line was coming up next, the bassist held her breath, and looked down. It was short lived, though, as Y/n picked up her chin with her pointer finger, forcing her to look her in the eyes. She moved his slowly to Victoria, their lips nearly brushing, her touch feather light.

“In…her…kiss…” she slowly sang, dragging it out longer than in the original song and than in rehearsal. She quickly turned her head, falling to her knees with one side to Vic and one to the audience, her hair cascading over her features.

“I taste the revolution!”

She smiled at Vic as she pushed herself up, a goofy grin plastered onto her face as she allowed Damiano to take the chorus. Victoria replied with only a small smirk, her dark eyeshadow glittering under the colorful lights, making her look like some kind of gothic angel, or celestial being.

Resuming singing, Y/n walked back to the front of the stage, her and Damiano switching every verse. She sat down on the edge, letting her legs dangle over the high surface, feeling fingertips barely touch her unclothed thigh.

“That girl thinks she’s the queen of the neighborhood.”

“I got news for you,”

They both pointed their mics into the audience as the screen behind them flashed “she is!” Allowing the crowd, as well as Thomas, Vic, and Ethan to all scream the two words loudly and in sync.

“I know she is,” her and Dami both sang, as he wrapped an arm around Vic’s neck,

“My best friend yeah”

The chorus continued for a final time, Victoria stomping her heavy platforms on the wooden stage, biting her lip as she performed.

Y/n made her way over to Thomas’ side, jumping to his left and swaying her hair, a knowing smile appearing on his face upon seeing Victoria’s gaze falling upon her movements.

Victoria made rounds to Ethan and then to Thomas, passing Y/n and lightly tapping her hip with her own.

Y/n skipped over to Damiano as he did to her, the pair meeting in the middle briefly for the “love you like a sister, always.”

Victoria returned to her spot from the start, and Damiano found his way to Thomas. Y/n continued on towards the ethereal bassist. The both of them were simultaneously singing to the aforementioned in harmony, nearing the end of the song.

“Soul sister, rebel girl,

Come and be my best friend,

Really, rebel girl.”

Y/n dragged a hand across Vic’s chiseled cheekbone, and in that moment Victoria had taken on the title of a muse for the woman standing in front of her.

“I really like you” she sang to her, lowering her mic as they looked into each other’s eyes, her chest heaving. It was like the music had been reduced down to a slight buzzing, and the thousands of peering eyes meant nothing. They were untouchable.

Y/n resumed for the last line, never breaking her eye contact.

“Be my rebel girl.”

It seemed like a question, a proposal of sorts from one to another, as Y/n’s hand dropped once more.

Victoria quirked a brow as if to ask ��are we really doing this?” To which Y/n muttered “fuck it” with a laugh.

Victoria’s hands found either side of Y/n’s face, her calloused fingers rough, yet gentle. Y/n’s own hands found one lazily draped over waist, the other over her shoulder to pull her close.

And in what probably the entirety of the building could have guessed would happen (maybe just not on stage, in that exact moment) they closed the gap between themselves, their lips connecting in a sweet kiss.

Chants and yells of encouragement were whooped by the band and crowd alike, as Damiano raised the mic and the final notes played.

“Y/n Y/l/n everybody!”

They pulled apart, sweaty foreheads against each other’s sides as they turned towards everyone, waving. They were quickly joined by the rest of the group, and Y/n stepped away, leaning into the microphone still hooked on the stand in the center of the stage.

“Let’s hear a huge round of applause for the wonderfully mad Måneskin!” She shouted, the roar of the crowd even louder. She raised her hands in the air, then moving one to her ear, gesturing for them to be louder. They complied, and Y/n took out her earpiece for a moment, soaking in what the band had created.

Vic shouted to Y/n over the noise, waving her over.

“Come on, bow with us!”

Y/n shook her head, not wanting to intrude any further to which Thomas reached out an arm, pulling her over. A bright smile covered her face as Vic reached out, wrapping an arm around her waist only for a second.

Hands joined, they all leaned forward in a dramatic bow, coming back up and waving.

All in sync, they all yelled “thank you, London!”

They looked around for a small period of time afterwards, still having a hard time believing that this was their new reality.

Looking to her right, and seeing Y/n doing the same, Vic decided that Y/n was a specific part of said “new reality” she didn’t quite want to let go of.

So after saying one more goodbye and exiting the stage, the bassist remained silent. It slightly worried Y/n, who had noticed the girl’s lack of communication while she had been thanking the rest of the band members for allowing her to share the stage with them.

“Is Victoria alright?” She asked Damiano, to which he only chuckled before replying.

“She’s fine, trust me. Give her a little bit of time and she will be back to normal.”

Y/n just gave him a tight lipped smile, not completely convinced.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed as Victoria slipped into her dressing room, locking the door.

The rest of the group, already having had a few drinks, was out the door, waiting on a cab.

“Y/n? You and Vic coming?” Ethan questioned.

She nodded, though she was unsure if that was the case, doing her best to cast a reassuring smile in his direction.

Once she made sure they were gone, she knocked twice on the heavy door. Before she could even announce it was her, Vic’s voice rang out.

“Vattene, Damiano!”

“Victoria?” Y/n’s tone floated through the door to the other side, and Victoria face palmed and silently cursed herself. She quickly got up and unlocked the door, regretting her harsh tone.

“Y/n, hi.”

“Hi.” She responded, slight uneasiness about her. Victoria picked up on this immediately, her brows furrowing and her eyes softening.

“Are you alright, Y/n?”

The other girl scoffed and looked at her feet. Scared to break any boundaries now that they weren’t on stage, Victoria cautiously lifted a hand towards her chin, softly picking it up like Y/n had before.

Her voice sounded wavy as she spoke, her jaw slightly hanging slack.

“Actually, I came here to ask the same thing.”

Victoria tilted her head like a confused puppy, leaning up against the doorframe.

“Why? What happened?”

Struggling to find the right thing to say, Y/n began to trip over her words.

“Well, I just, you know, on stage and everything- we were super, y’a know, close and everything and I didn’t wanna, I don’t know. Make you uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries or anything, and if it was just a kiss I didn’t wanna overthink it or read into but, I mean, I really liked it but you seemed to go quiet so-“

Victoria cut off her painful rambling with another kiss, taking firm hold of her arms and moving her inside with her and closing the door with her foot.

“Wow.” Y/n said when they finally pulled apart, her eyes as wide as dinner plates and her pupils the size of the moon.

“Yes, wow.” Vic chuckled, moving a piece of Y/n’s stray hair behind her ear.

“You’re very different when you’re on stage, Y/n. You know that?” She asked, admiring how the fluorescent lights above illuminated Y/n’s features in the most wonderful way.

Victoria had decided she liked her most like this. Vulnerable, sweaty, and with the biggest heart eyes she’d ever seen.

“That’s what I was afraid of.” She laughed.

“No.” Vic frowned, taking her hands. “It’s not a bad thing. Not at all.” She brought her over to the velvet sofa in the corner of the room. “It’s admirable.”

“How?” She asked with a small smile.

“Easy. Because even though your stage persona is lovely,” she laughed, “I think I like this Y/n even better. She seems like she’s kind, and has a big heart with lots of love to give.”

Stunned, the other girl just smiled like an idiot, leaning forward and pecking Vic’s lips.

“Well, what about you?”

“What about me?” The bassist replied, enjoying the banter forming between the pair.

“Why’d you go all radio silent? I’d never heard of Victoria De Angelis from EuroVision winning band Måneskin to do such a thing.” She exclaimed in what was the worst accent Victoria had heard in her life.

(Though, it was endearing, she’d admit.)

“Truly? I was thinking about how to ask you out. If you even wanted me to ask you out, all of that.”

Y/n’s eyes somehow got even bigger, and she laughed, tucking her legs beneath her.

“How is that even a question?” She exclaimed.

“Like I said, you are different on stage from off it. I didn’t know if it was just a front, a performance.”

This time it was Y/n’s turn to roll her eyes and lean in, encapsulating Victoria’s lips with her own.

“It wasn’t just a show, I’d love to go out with you, Vic.”

They both giggled like school girls hidden under the bleachers, leaning in for another kiss. It was hot and heavy, yet slow and sweet. It was everything either girl had hoped for.

And thanks to a certain Italian doofus, or 4, it would be momentarily put on pause. Mid-make out four loud knocks startled the girls, causing the two do them to pull away.

“Victoria! Daje! Perché non rispondi al telefono, eh? Stiamo aspettando- oh. This makes sense.“ Damiano burst through the door, Ethan and Thomas stood behind him with not-so-surprised looks painted on their faces.

“Realmente? Realmente, Damiano?” She scoffed. “Stai manzo!”

“Sorry, guys. Enjoy yourselves.” He turned over his shoulder to the rest, slowly shutting the door.

“Sicuro di dire che non verranno con noi.” He snickered, as did the others.

“Eccallà!” Ethan remarked, to which, not that Vic and Y/n knew, Thomas shoved him to the side.

Victoria sighed, returning to face Y/n.

“So. Where were we?”

♀~♀~♀

i hope yall liked that!! mwah make sure to reblog if u did <333 take care of urself!

translations

#vic de angelis #vic de angelis x reader #vic de angelis fic #vic de angelis imagine #vic de angelis x fem reader #victoria de angelis #victoria de angelis x reader #victoria de angelis x fem reader #victoria de angelis imagine #måneskin #maneskin fic #måneskin fic #we will rock queue #yelenasdog #also if anyone noticed yes i did remove one lyric bc i know tumblr is touchy upon what wlw can say it and i didnt wanna piss anyone off

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queer-and-dear-books · 3 years ago

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Title: Jay’s Gay Agenda

Author: Jason June

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Infidelity

Overall Rating: 8.5/10

Personal Opinion: Painfully relatable for the lonely queer kid. But watching Jay gain new gay friends and a possible boyfriend is a great way to live vicariously. Fall in love with the diverse cast of characters created by the incredibly talented Jason June as you follow Jay’s journey through balancing his new fast-paced queer life in Seattle and his old life with his best friend back home.

Do I Own This Book? Yes. This was another Christmas gift to myself.

Couple Classification: Jay Collier X Albert Huang = Nerd X Nerd

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- I really hit the Gaysian heartthrob jackpot this week. This time, we have Albert Huang. A robotics and Digimals (parody of Pokemon Go) nerd who is classified as a VSB (Very Sexy Boy). He’s also described to have very firm and large pecs. He’s a gentleman, he’s kind, he’s hot, he’s smart, he’s so fucking patient? Like he is just a king and I adore him! I want good things for him specifically so Jay better not hurt him ever again! When I root for a fake man like this, that’s how you know you’ve made an amazing character.

- Jay’s parents are so cute and in love, I love that. I do really hope Jay’s dad gets some new Seattle buds to hang out with. Maybe a lesbian couple that loves Monday night football. I feel like too many parents in fiction just don’t like each other or don’t show it very well. The fact that Jay’s parents adore one another is beautiful. And how they look out for their son too. Even if it’s sometimes very embarrassing.

- Jay’s story is very relatable. Painfully so. I doubt I was the only out gay guy at Tech (we were a school of over 5k kids, there’s no way) but I was alone anyway. I didn’t try to seek out other queer folks because I was scared and just so used to the loneliness so I didn’t bother. I remember going to Vermont with the intent of living my best gay life. It didn’t work out that way. But because of that, I can relate to Jay and I absolutely get his desire to complete his agenda.

- Damon and Cami are such good friends to Max? Like they did the most for him and I love that. So supportive and kind and this is a straight footballer of all people. Damon is just so secure in his identity and I just respect the hell out of it. Him and the whole football team all cheering when Max and Reese kissed and made up? Iconic. The way they pushed all the desks into a heart? King shit. I love them.

- Speaking of the football team, the one himbo on the team? Julian? Hilarious. He’s really out here doing his best in fashion design and not knowing shit. But he’s like the biggest fan of Mr. Bogosian’s terrible puns and is so supportive of everyone? I love him. He’s not even in the main cast and I love him.

- The comedy is on point! The moment when Damon accidentally slapped Jay’s ass will live rent-free in my mind forever. And Jay going “guess I’m the gay guy that’s into spanking” is hilarious. It sent me. Like, he didn’t have to say that so casually but he did!

- The DigiGang? An amazing friend group. Shruti and Reese and that one girl (fuck, I forgot her name but she’s the goth girl obsessed with teeth) are just so protective of Albert. They were ready to throw down with Jay in order to defend him. It is just so sweet. And they’re also all smart? Shruti is a robotics queen. Sending Jay and Max into economics on a speeding roller chair. Icon.

- Diversity wins in general. We have a bunch of gay kids with Jay, Max, Albert, Reese, Tony, etc. Plus, Tony’s frat not being bothered by a gay dude? Truly a progressive college. Even if Tony is a rat bastard. We got drag queens, multiple POC , and women in power. Lu being accepted into college with a full ride after she exposed the gender pay gap for bus drivers? Queen shit. I also love her aunt Carol crying over her niece rekindling her friendship with Jay.

- The scene where Albert sent in PrinterBot to deliver a new Jansport backpack to Jay and also ask him to Homecoming was the cutest goddamn shit I had ever seen. I am not joking when I say that it was so so so romantic! Like that’s the kind of thing I can only dream about.

Dislikes:

- Tony. Buddy. Fuck you. That’s all I really want to say on it but I am going to be specific anyway so I remember what a piece of shit he is. Firstly, he and Max had claimed he was not a relationship kind of guy. Only hookups. He’s out here only fucking Jay while being hot. And Jay was the 13th dude he had sex with according to the tally marks on his door. Everyone in his dorm didn’t give a shit even though it seemed like they should know about Dylan. Who is Dylan you may ask? He’s Tony’s boyfriend! Oh my god. He was cheating on his boyfriend and he did it multiple times! Rat bastard. Disgusting. A liar and a user. I hope all of his buddies and Dylan dump him. It is utterly repulsive, his behavior. I already knew there were many red flags from how he exploded at being called a frat boy instead of a fraternity boy and flipping off a driver who rightfully honked at him while he was stalled.

- Jay truly fucked up but I think Max needed to own up to some of his shit more. He blew up his own life and overreacted over the whole Reese debacle. He never let him explain? I think Max is funny and I get why he pushed people away but he really went too far with the Reese situation. The fact that Reese didn’t even move on to someone new but Max took it that way anyway is just so stupid. Miscommunication for the sake of drama at its worst. I will say that Reese’s behavior did not help either. Reminds me of Declan in Felix Ever After. He was a douche to his ex for no real reason and I hate it. But in this particular case, Max was at fault here more than Reese.

- Albert is a far better man than I. But I’ve never been in love so what do I know? But nah, it’s gross of Jay to hook up with a hot dude after telling Albert that he can wait. And the way he lied to Lu too? Ugh. I am a little more lenient on the Lu case though because Lu ditched Jay first throughout the summer for Chip. A guy who was most definitely not worth it. But this might be just me since my friends and I are tight even when one of us is in love. I just don’t get how Jay and Lu had the audacity to abandon each other like that. At least Jay felt guilty over it.

- I don’t tend to have issues with an author’s writing style because everyone is unique. But I think Jay had way too many thoughts in between his dialogue and even others when they were speaking. Like it gave me the image of him standing still and not replying for several hours before continuing his thought. It just breaks up the tension in the worst way in my opinion.

- Also, I get why Jay uses “Frack” instead of “Fuck.” He was raised in an area where over 90% of the population was religious in some capacity, so he was censored all the time, even at home where both of his parents are atheist. But the overuse of “Frack” was a bit much and I kind of wish someone questioned him about it. Because I don’t get why Albert seemed to be instantly attracted to him. Not that “Frack” is necessarily a turn-off but it’s not for me.

- What was with the older gays teasing Jay and Albert on their date at the drag art exhibit? Like, they’re clearly teens and what do you pervs have to do with their sex life? It’s none of your goddamn business. Talking about tops and bottoms too, it’s 2021, let people be whatever the fuck they want. Don’t limit it to top and bottom if we can do either! But if you do, in fact, prefer one over the other, no sin in that. Let Jay and Albert do things in their own time and shut the fuck up. To be clear, I have the utmost respect for my queer elders. Those two fictional gays can go fuck themselves though.

#Booklr #Booksbooksbooks #Book Blog #Book Review #Book Recs #Jay's Gay Agenda #Jason June #LGBTQ #Queer Books #Queer Lit #Queer Representation

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pines-troz · 4 years ago

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Those We Hold Dear - Animaniacs/Pinky and The Brain Oneshot

Summary: An introverted Brain finds himself feeling lost during the holiday party on the Warner Movie Lot. He manages to find some respite upon finding a pool table in the abandoned rec room. When Yakko unexpectedly invites himself in, the two engage in some casual conversation, then slowly open themselves up as they talk about their loved ones.

This story includes mild doses of Brinky and Non-Binary Wakko with he/they pronouns.

Word Count: 7,969

TW: Brief mentions of trauma, animal testing, and alcohol

Includes spoilers from the Animaniacs Reboot and references to the Pinky and The Brain spin-off cartoon.

Special thanks to @themurphyzone for beta reading!

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27714374

Beginning AN: This fic was written because there aren’t enough stories where Pinky and The Brain interact with the Warners, and I feel like there’s so much untapped potential in terms of interesting character dynamics and I wanted to explore that with this story. I hope you enjoy this self-indulgent and very heartwarming fanfic.

As Christmas time drew near, The Warner Brothers movie lot was bustling with the spirit of the holiday season. Studios were dressed in Christmas decorations, and classic Christmas songs played over the speakers. And in the heart of the studio, the WB office was holding a special holiday party for the cast and crew of the Animaniacs reboot. Pinky and the Brain were among the invited guests, and the two mice strolled through the movie lot together as they made their way to the party.

Brain shook his head, still in disbelief that he and Pinky worked as part-time actors, and even more so that they were asked to return for the Animaniacs reboot after the original show had been off the air for over twenty years.

The small mouse remembered back in the early 1990s, when one of his initial plans for world domination involved him and Pinky breaking into the Warner Bros. studio to broadcast his homemade propaganda film. But while they infiltrated the studio, they were spotted by a small group of writers. When Brain explained in earnest that he and Pinky were ‘genetically altered lab mice trying to take over the world’, the writers were so amused and inspired that they brought the lab mice over to meet the studio executives and were hired right on the spot.

While having to act out failed plans to take over the world felt like a slap to the face at times, Brain quickly found the positive aspects of working on a popular television show. He and Pinky worked on set a few days a week (which saved them from having to undergo more painful experiments from the scientists at Acme Labs), they got along well with the other cast, crew, and various workers on the Warner movie lot. The mice also received truck loads of fan mail and fan art from viewers (and they put in the effort to express their gratitude by writing back to as many letters as they could), attended conventions even long after the show went off the air, and were invited to cast parties.

As much as Brain enjoyed seeing Pinky having a ball at the cast parties, he himself admittedly detested large social gatherings. If world domination was at stake, then Brain would be more motivated to be sociable; rubbing elbows with politicians, manipulating powerful individuals to do his bidding, and being one step closer to planetary conquest.

But Brain had no schemes up his sleeve. No ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or feasible plans for world conquest tonight. The mouse had put off all plans to take over the world off the table during the holiday season after having read Pinky’s unsent letter to Santa that fateful Christmas. From that moment on, Brain vowed to ignore his own lofty ambitions during the holidays and to put more focus on making Pinky happy.

The mice made sure to dress appropriately for the holiday party. Brain donned a red sweater and dark green pants. Simple festive colors, but nothing overly garish. Pinky, however, went above and beyond in his party attire, as he wore a green dress with candy cane prints all over and sparkly red shoes. Once they walked past the office doors, they approached the elevator. Brain retrieved his limb-enhancing device and pressed the button, which opened up the doors, and the two mice entered the elevator. Brain used the device again to hit the button for floor nine, and the elevator moved upwards.

“Oh this is going to be so much fun, Brain!” Pinky chirped, flapping his hands with excitement.

“Well if you’re happy, then I’m happy.” Brain affirmed, keeping a calm and orderly demeanor.

Once they reached the right floor, they exited the elevator and approached the large event space where the party was held. As they approached the doorway, they were immediately greeted by Yakko, who wore a red and white striped blazer in addition to his usual brown slacks.

“Hey, Pinky and the Brain!” Yakko greeted as he waved at them. “How are the fan favorites doing?”

“We’re doing well for ourselves, Yakko-” Brain’s response was interrupted when he felt a giant wet smooch on his left cheek. He looked over his left to see Pinky smiling at him. The smaller mouse looked at his roommate with a shocked and irritated expression.

“Pinky!” Brain berated his companion, as his cheeks began to flare up. “I told you, no frivolous displays of affection outside of the lab!”

“Poit! I’m sorry Brain, but, you were standing right under the mistletoe, and I just couldn’t help myself!” Pinky explained with a joyous giggle as Brain wiped off the saliva from the side of his face. The intelligent mouse looked up above only to find that dreaded yuletide plant taped to the doorframe.

“Hey sibs! The power couple just arrived!” Yakko addressed his younger siblings. Brain fumed at the eldest Warner boy, who shrugged and flashed a playful smile back at the mouse.

Dot arrived on cue, followed by Wakko, who greedily shoveled all the contents of the plate of appetizers (and the plate) into their mouth. The younger Warners dressed appropriately for the festive occasion. Wakko wearing an oversized blue sweater with a sequin snowman, and their iconic backwards red cap had elf ears taped to each side. In addition to her pink skirt, Dot wore a white sweater with a colorful Christmas tree and a reindeer antler headband.

“Pinky!” Dot greeted happily, skipping merrily towards the taller mouse. “Oh you look so adorable!”

Pinky jumped for joy as the Warner sister picked him up. “Oh, why thank you Dot. Zort! I actually had a little help from Brain. He used his knit-o-matic machine to put the dress together!”

Dot turned her attention over to Brain, who was still standing beneath her. “Hello Brain! Don’t go thinking that I forgot about you.” She said, giving a couple pats to his large head.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Brain bantered, but lost his guard when the middle Warner sibling scooped him into their hands.

“Oh what joy, Brain is here!” Wakko cheered, lifting Brain up in the air as he twirled around. “I was thinking about going around the movie lot and belching my favorite Christmas carols later tonight. Would you care to join me?”

“A tempting offer, but I’m afraid I have to decline.” Brain gently rejected.

“Okay, but the offer still stands if you change your mind!” Wakko insisted.

“Very well. Now would you be so kind as to put me down? I’m going to head on over to the refreshments table.” The mouse said.

“Say, I was going to grab some snacks too! And maybe we can eat over at the table together!” Wakko proclaimed, carrying the mouse as he made their way to the refreshments table.

“Well, I would be delighted to keep you company.” Brain answered honestly.

The mouse tried to keep his favoritism hidden, but of all the cast members he worked with, he enjoyed being with the Warners the most. While they may be a nuisance to the humans on the movie lot, they were quite friendly with most of the animal actors on the set. Brain was quite enamored with Yakko’s comedic banter, Wakko’s silliness, and Dot’s wit and charm, and while they playfully teased him on occasions, it was never out of any malice. But the one aspect he enjoyed the most was that they were never judgemental of him or Pinky.

Brain picked up the smallest plate from the stack and started picking out one of each cheese, a deviled egg, the second-to-last pig in a blanket, two baby carrots, and a jumbo shrimp. Wakko swooped in from behind, taking the last the last pig in a blanket and gobbled it up.

Brain looked over at the line of wine glasses and the various wine bottles behind them and figured that he could go for a nice glass of red wine. Despite his short stature, Brain found an easier way to access the alcohol as he spotted Ralph the security guard (who may or may not be off-duty), grabbing a handful of jumbo shrimp.

“Pardon me, Ralph.” Brain addressed the dim-witted security guard.

Ralph turned his head and looked around for a few moments before spotting Brain. “Duh, oh hi Blaine.”

“Actually, it’s Brain.” The small mouse corrected. “Could you do me a small favor and pour me a glass of the pinot noir.”

The security guard looked over at the wine bottles, scratching his head in bewilderment.

“It’s the reddish bottle with the picture of purple grapes on it” Brain curtly explained in layman’s terms

“Oh, uh right!” The imbecilic security guard affirmed. He grabbed the specific bottle and poured a little too much wine into the glass, filling it almost to the top. The mouse did not care that he had an excessive amount of wine. Lord knows that he needs enough alcohol in his system to get through this social gathering.

“Thank you, my good man.” Brain said politely.

“But wait a minute, how are you gonna drink from the glass?” The security guard asked.

“Already accounted for.” Brain reached into his pocket and pulled out a green swirly straw custom made for himself.

Wakko walked over to Brain, carrying two full trays of appetizers. The middle Warner sibling marveled at the swirly straw. “You have great tastes in straws.” He carefully picked up Brain and placed him on top of their red hat. Wakko managed to carry his own plates, Brain’s plate and the wine glass with relative ease as he waltzed over to the table.

“Thank you, Wakko.” Brain said gratefully.

“Your welcome! Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to hear about how I found myself in Paris?” The middle child asked. “I want to tell someone else besides my siblings about all the fun adventures I had.”

“Yes, I would love to hear some amusing anecdotes from your vacation.” Brain replied. The intelligent mouse was well aware that Wakko can be very passionate and talkative when it came to their interests, so he decided to validate the middle child with attentive ears.

Brain listened intently as Wakko continued to talk about their trip. The intelligent mouse felt relieved that he wasn’t the one who had to initiate the conversation. He could simply provide Wakko his undivided attention and listen to them reminisce over their trip to Paris. This was splendid!

“I visited the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, and Notre Dame, but only from the outside.” Wakko said wistfully.

“The fire of Notre Dame was awfully devastating.” Brain added. “Forgive me if this comes off as a boast, but when Pinky and I visited Paris years ago we were fortunate enough to go inside the cathedral and climb the tower.”

“Really!” Wakko exclaimed, who was rather excited by Brain’s vacation story. “Oh, do you have any pictures?”

“Well of course! Just let me just find the vacation album on my phone.” Brain said, as he tried to retrieve his smartphone from his pocket.

“Oh, I forgot to mention how wonderful the crepes were!” Wakko added. “I had strawberry crepes, banana and nutella crepes, some egg and cheese crepes,”

But Wakko’s infodumping came to a crashing halt when Yakko stormed over to the table. “Wakko, did you take the last pig in a blanket?” The Warner brother interrogated.

The middle Warner sibling glanced guiltily towards Brain then back at their sibling. “Maybe?” The eldest Warner still held his suspicious glare at him, until Wakko finally gave in. “Yeah…”

“I knew it!” Yakko declared as he proceeded to put his sibling in a headlock, dragging them away from the table and into the center of the room. Wakko broke free and a battle between the older Warner siblings broke out.

“Oh, this oughta be rich!” Dot devilishly commented. She quickly grabbed her smartphone from her pocket and filmed the action.

Pinky was thrilled by the sudden action and further enabled the sibling rivalry. “Go, go! Give ‘em the ol’ one-two!” The mouse laughed maniacally as he punched the air. “Narf!”

Brain ruefully shook his head at the sibling shenanigans that took place. The small mouse knew better than to get involved, lest he wanted to be squished like a pancake or smacked so hard that he would crash onto the drywall. He found himself all alone again. He finished up his plate of appetizers when he noticed the new CEO, Rita Nortia, taking her place on the other side of the table.

The mouse suddenly felt compelled to speak with her. After all, she did play a significant part in hiring him and Pinky back for the reboot when they could have been cast off like the majority of his fellow cast members from the original show.

“Alright Brain, this is going to be a long party and you have to at least try to be sociable.” He told himself. The mouse then took a considerably long sip of wine to work the courage to speak to his new boss.

“Hello, Ms. Nortia.” Brain addressed, trying his best to sound friendly.

The CEO looked over at the mouse with an indifferent expression. “Wait a minute, I know you, you’re one of the mice playing second fiddle to those pesky Warners….Bran, is it?”

“Actually, it’s The Brain,” The mouse corrected, but suddenly changed his tone as he did not want to come off as bossy in front of his boss. “but I’m perfectly content with being addressed as Brain, if that’s most convenient for you. A-and I wanted to thank you again for including Pinky and myself in the reboot.”

“Sure, sure. You two were one of the more memorable parts of the original show.” Rita Norita replied, sounding rather unenthused. After a moment of awkward silence between the two, the CEO spoke up again. “Was there anything else you wanted to say?”

Brain was sweating nervously, feeling like a total waste of space. He could tell that she was a busy woman who was more occupied with work-related interests. The mouse tried his hardest to come up with an interesting topic of discussion. The weather? No, too cliche. The hottest Netflix shows? No way. He couldn’t bring up the competition in front of his boss. Those ridiculous Tik Tok videos that Pinky wouldn’t stop blabbering about? If he didn’t understand the appeal of those, what were the chances that the CEO would. The only other thing he could possibly bring up was-

“So, how about those sports?” Brain asked with a nervous smile.

Rita Norita stared blankly at the mouse. “What about them.”

Brain was caught tongue-tied. He didn’t know enough about the current state of any American sports team, so he decided to take a leap of faith and try to discuss the one sport he loved.

“Well, uh, would you be interested in hearing about the beauty and intricacies of rhythmic gymnastics?” Brain asked with a sheepish smile.

As the CEO was about to give another dry response, she was interrupted when a group of sharply dressed business people walked over to her.

“Ms. Norita, we have some very important business information to discuss with you.” One of them said.

“Finally, a riveting topic of discussion.” She exulted, immediately getting up from her seat. She shot a quick glance at the mouse. “You’ll have to excuse me, but I have more pressing matters to tend to.”

The CEO left the table with the other white-collar workers, leaving Brain to his own devices. The mouse propped his head up as he stared into his empty plate of appetizers, desperately trying to forget the mortifying conversation. If dying from embarrassment was possible, then Brain would already be in Heaven surrounded by an angelic choir of Pinkys.

“Hey Brain!”

Upon hearing the cockney accent he was so familiar with, he looked over his shoulder only to find Pinky taking off his dress and diving straight into the punch bowl. Through the clear glass, Pinky was happily swimming underneath the punch for a few moments. Once he broke through the surface, the tall mouse was giggling contentedly and he propped himself up on the side of the bowl to talk to his roommate.

“Oh Brain, you should try this!” The buck-toothed mouse called out. “The water is so refreshing!”

“No thank you, Pinky.” Brain replied, shielding his face from his roommate. He took another peek at the taller mouse. Pinky looked like a complete buffoon, but he looked like he was having the time of his life, swimming in the punch bowl without a care in the world. Brain, on the other hand, felt completely lost and isolated despite being surrounded by a sea of party-goers.

Brain walked away, trying his best to participate in small talk. Things seemed to look up when the Mime arrived.

“I suppose making small talk with someone who can’t talk back is better than not making small talk at all.” Brain pondered.

“You there, Mime!” Brain approached the silent performer. The Mime looked back at Brain and smiled back, giving him a friendly wave. The mouse’s self-esteem was starting to rebound.

“Say, do you want to hear a science joke?” Brain asked. The Mime gave an eager nod in response.

“Okay, well here it goes: One tectonic plate was walking along, bumps into another tectonic plate and said ‘Oops, sorry, my fault!’” Brain began to laugh heartily at his own joke, closing his eyes as he chuckled.

Once his laughter wore off, Brain looked over at the Mime simply shook his head while wearing a confused frown, shaking his head. The mouse assumed that the Mime did not get the joke.

The Brain felt defeated and gave a beleaguered sigh. “Well, I apologize for wasting your time.” The small mouse placed his hands into his pockets and walked off.

The intelligent mouse felt lost. With no plan for world domination to focus on, there was no important reason to mingle with the other guests. He decided to find the Warners and seek companionship from them. But he was disappointed when he witnessed the three keeping Ralph occupied in an intense game of ‘Monkey in the Middle’. The Warners wore mischievous smiles as they threw the security guard’s cap around much to the frustration of the bumbling officer. Brain could not bring himself to join in their merriment. Without his robotic man-suit, he could not possibly bring any meaningful contribution to the fun and would only stick out as a useless fifth wheel.

And he did not have the courage to try to strike up a friendly conversation with the other party-goers. His brief talks with Rita Norita and The Mime were proof that even when he shared his interests and musings to them, they could never reciprocate because they’re not on the same intellectual wavelength as he was.

No, he was only fooling himself. Perhaps the reason why felt high and dry was that he just could not relate to other people.

Brain watched Pinky, now back in his Christmas-themed dress, entertaining a few guests with his spit bubbles. The small group laughed at his ridiculous display. The taller mouse was completely in his element, charming people with his ‘fun-fun silly-willy’ antics. That feeble-minded fool made it look so easy.

“Perhaps Pinky is better off with other people.”

Brain furiously shook his head at the awful thought. “No, no, no. You’re just exhausted from attempting to socialize, that’s all.” He told himself. “Yes. All I need is a break, a place where I could temporarily wind down and recharge my energy before returning to the festivities.”

Brain walked down the hall in search for a place to ponder.

As he wandered down the hallway, he discovered an empty recreation room complete with a billiards table, a dart board, a stack of used board games, and a leather sofa. The pool table was pristine, with the fifteen balls gathered in their triangular shape and the cue ball standing on the other side. Brain decided to take the opportunity to play a game of pool against himself. The mouse picked up an unsharpened pencil from the bureau, climbed up the leg of the pool table and made his way to the top.

The mouse hopped off the wooden edge and onto the green walked baize, the tender felt brushing up against his feet with each step. Once he approached the cue ball, the mouse used the unsharpened end of the pencil and struck the white ball as hard as he could. He was not surprised that the cue ball lightly struck the top third of the fifteen balls ever so slightly.

“This is going to take a while…” Brain muttered to himself. “Fortunately, I don’t have anything better to do.”

The mouse observed the playing field, and noticed a solid red ball lingering near a corner pocket. Charging his pencil against the cue ball much harder this time, he saw the white ball glide down the table, hitting the red ball right into the pocket. Now all he had to do was strike the other solid-color balls into the pockets.

Fifteen minutes had passed since he started his solitary game of pool, and he only had three balls left. Wiping off the beads of sweat from his forehead, he looked over at the clock that was perched above the sofa. The mouse doubted that the other party-goers would be aware of his absence. Maybe Pinky would be too busy mingling with the other guests to even realize that he was gone.

“Some party, huh?”

Brain was startled at the sudden inquiry, his ears perking upwards. He turned around only to find Yakko Warner leaning against the doorway.

“Yakko….” The mouse grumbled. He feared that the boy would continue teasing him by bringing up the incident under the mistletoe. “Shouldn’t you be off terrorizing a certain psychiatrist?”

“Oh, you mean Dr. Scratchinsniff? He won’t be dropping by until around seven.” The eldest Warner sibling explained as he waltzed into the room. “So what are you doing here all by your lonesome?”

“As a reserved and introverted soul, social gatherings aren’t my cup of tea.” Brain confessed. “If world domination was on the line, then I would be more involved. But being forced to make idle prattle with co-workers in a secluded space can be quite tiresome.”

“I gotcha.” Yakko nodded, seeming to understand Brain’s plight.

“And how did someone as sociable as yourself wander astray from the festivities?” Brain inquired.

“I had to use the john.” Yakko answered frankly, pointing his thumb towards the door. “I was going to return to the party, but I heard the sound of a pool game going on and just had to investigate.”

“Excellent detective work, Hercule Yakko.” Brain remarked, to which Yakko chuckled in response.

“Say, can I join in?” The eldest Warner asked as he walked over to the racks. “It’s been a while since I played pool and you look like you could use a little company.”

“The more the merrier.” Brain dryly responded as he struck the cue ball with his pencil.

Yakko found a suitable cue stick and walked over beside Brain. He observed the pool table, noting the striped balls outnumbered the solid balls.

“So I’ll be aiming for the striped ones then?” Yakko asked.

“Correct.” Brain responded defeatedly. While he wished to finish up his solo game, he didn’t have it in him to tell the eldest Warner to leave.

Yakko carefully aimed his cue rack at the cue ball and fired away. He managed to hit two striped balls straight into the pocket. He then made another successful shot and hit two more striped balls into the opposite pocket. Feeling confident and theatrical, Yakko turned around and managed to hit another striped ball into a pocket without looking. He looked over at the playing field and back at The Brain. “Well, you got trouble my friend.” He quipped.

Brain looked up at Yakko for a moment before looking back at the pool with a grimace. After a moment of awkward silence, the eldest Warner spoke up again “Get it? Because we’re playing pool and I was referring to-”

“Yes, yes, I’ve seen The Music Man before Yakko, there’s no need to explain the joke.” Brain interrupted.

“So was the joke not funny?” Yakko asked with a twinge of worry.

“The joke was perfectly fine.” Brain assured upon noticing the boy’s sudden anxiousness. “I’m simply frustrated with my current state in the game and fear that the outcome won’t be in my favor.”

“Oh, is it because you’re a mouse? I can try to make some accommodations so that we’re playing on even grounds.” Yakko kindly suggested.

“No, no. The last thing I want is to be patronized and pitied.” Brain snapped, sounding more harsh than he intended.

Yakko backed off upon seeing the mouse’s frustration.“Okay, whatever floats your boat.” He replied defensively.

Brain’s face softened a bit, feeling guilty that he was a bit too hard on the boy. “If it’s any consolation, I have problems with my joke deliveries as well.” Brain lamented. “I tried telling The Mime a science joke earlier, but it fell flat.”

“Which one?” Yakko queried out of curiosity.

Brain fought his insecurities and mustered up the courage to tell the joke again. “One tectonic plate was walking around, he bumps into another tectonic plate and said-”

“‘Oops, I’m sorry, my fault’!” Yakko enthusiastically joined in as the punchline was delivered. The boy clapped his hands and started chuckling. “Ah, natural disaster humor.”

Brain softly smiled. Yakko missed this time around and Brain hopped back on the table, figuring out the best course of action to keep up with Yakko’s pool playing. After a couple minutes of playing in companionable silence, the intelligent mouse decided to throw an ice-breaker question to liven the mood.

“So Yakko, how have you and your siblings been doing lately?” The Brain asked in earnest.

“We’ve been doing swell!” Yakko answered in a chipper tone. “I mean, sure, we had our fair of challenges adapting to the current trends after being frozen in suspended animation for twenty-two years, but what can ya do?”

Brain looked a little concerned at the boy. The last time he and Pinky saw the Warners was in 1998, when they attended a cast party after filming of Wakko’s Wish had wrapped. During those years, Brain was consumed with his contributions to the age of the internet while Pinky attended his therapy sessions. All that time spent focusing on his world domination scheme and he forgot about his fellow cast members and all the good times they shared together. When Brain and Pinky received the fateful phone call from Warner Brothers that they and the Warners would be the only returning cast members for the Animaniacs reboot, he was worried that they would be mad at him for not keeping in touch. But when they arrived on set, the Warners were simply happy to see them again. But the Brain lost his train of thought when he heard Yakko speak up again.

“Not to mention the staggering amount of pop culture we’ve missed out on.” Yakko added. “Hey, did you know that there were two movie adaptations of How The Grinch Stole Christmas within the span of two decades?”

“Oh I’m well aware of that. Pinky actually dragged me to see both movies in the theaters.” Brain recalled. “And as you would expect, the feeble-minded fool thought they were cinematic masterpieces.”

“Outside of trying to stay relevant, we’ve been doing some fun sibling projects on the side, like this sculpture of Giuseppe Acrimboldo made entirely out of fruit!” Yakko happily reminisced.

“You mean, the famous sixteenth century Italian mannerist portrait artist Giuseppe Acrimboldo?” Brain inquired enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I managed to get a picture before that awful bun infestation got to him.” Yakko grabbed his phone and showed a picture of their sculpture.

“That’s quite impressive.” Brain marveled. While the mouse was not present during the awful bun infestation, he had heard stories of the incident from his co-workers. He could only imagine Pinky having a field day with the mass quantities of bunnies.

“I even had a whole song written about him too!” Yakko added.

“Well, I’m always eager to hear another one of your classic educational ditties, Yakko.” Brain encouraged. “I’m all ears.”

“I would if I could, but I forgot the majority of the lyrics.” Yakko forlornly replied. He picked up his cue rack and strategically planned his next move.

“Oh..” Bran uttered. The mouse tried to find another topic to bring up, but couldn’t help but think about the Warner siblings being locked away from the world for the second time. The mouse tried to bring up the topic as delicately as he could.

“Forgive me for prying, but can I ask you a question concerning your 22 year absence.” Brain carefully inquired.

“Sure!” Yakko acknowledged as he struck the cue ball, hitting the eight ball into the pocket and winning the game.

“Do you recall anything during your hibernation?” The mouse questioned.

“No, not really. The only thing I could remember was what happened before. After Wakko’s Wish wrapped, some studio bigwigs came up to me and my sibs. We were given the choice to either be cryogenically frozen or to be locked in the tower again. After thinking it over, I decided that being frozen in suspended animation was the better option. And the process wasn’t all that bad. It was like taking a really long nap.” Yakko answered truthfully. “And let me tell you, being frozen was a walk in the park compared to being trapped in the water tower for over sixty years.”

Brain’s ears drooped when he heard the sadness laced in Yakko’s voice.

“I love my sibs and would risk my life for them, but it was really hard having to watch over them without any assistance from the adults for decades.” The boy confessed. “I mean, I managed to get by just fine, but it was neither a bed or roses nor a pleasure cruise. During those years I had to come up with different ways to entertain my sibs and keep them occupied. I didn’t want them to start thinking about whether or not people missed them or were even aware that they’ve been cooped up for so long. One could say being trapped in that tower felt like-”

“Being an animal in a cage.” Brain quietly finished, feeling a deep sense of empathy for the boy.

Yakko stared at the mouse, amazed by how understanding he was of his past trauma. “Well, yeah…”

The Brain drew in a long breath and exhaled. “Believe it or not, I understand where you’re coming from.” He confessed, sitting on the edge of the pool table and holding the pencil in his arms.

The mouse could not believe what he was doing. In any other circumstance, Brain would never open up to his co-workers about his feelings or the past traumas he endured. Opening up meant being vulnerable. Being vulnerable meant feeling helpless and without control. He gripped the pencil tightly at the thought of not being completely in charge of himself. But Brain fought against his need to put up defensive barriers and decided to reveal his miserable and pitiful past if it meant providing the boy with some sense of solidarity.

“I was once a young field mouse who lived a carefree and happy existence with my parents out in the wild.” Brain reminisced. “But I was separated from my family at a tender age when a group of Acme Lab scientists abducted me from my tin-can home. From that day forward, I was imprisoned in the laboratory where I was subjected to cruel, emotionally-scarring experiments and used as fodder in the name of science and human curiosity.” His voice trembled as he exposed his past to the eldest Warner, but he soldiered on.

“The first friend I ever made was a hamster named Snowball, but when we went through the gene splicer, it had different effects on us. I gained advanced intelligence, while Snowball went mad with power, and we had a terrible falling out. But when it seemed that I was doomed to live the rest of my days isolated in the lab…” Brain paused for a moment and then continued. “But one day, a new lab mouse brought over to live with me in my cage. It was at that moment that Pinky entered into my life and...well, the rest is history.” He explained with a sad smile.

Yakko listened in with sympathetic ears. He never thought that anyone could relate to the pain of having his freedom stripped away and being locked against his will. But he also admired the mouse’s courage to tell his story anyways.

“Pinky really was my saving grace.” Brain admitted, aware of the affection in his tone. “His presence made being stuck in the lab more bearable. Sure, he may be imbecilic and dim-witted, but he’s also loyal, compassionate, and the best friend I could ever ask for.” After praising Pinky’s positive aspects, Brain’s smile slowly faded. “But sometimes I wonder why Pinky would want to be my friend, and other times where I feel like I don’t deserve to be his friend.”

“Well, how come?” Yakko cautiously inquired.

“Years ago, I promised Pinky that if I ruled the world, I would make it into a better place. A kinder place for social outcasts and marginalized individuals like him. But after so many years of trying and putting in the work, my destiny is still far from reach. And yet, he’s still standing by my side. It’s just...I don’t know what Pinky sees in me.” Brain sadly explained as he cradled the pencil in his arms. “Perhaps he’s much better off without me…” He sighed, letting the awful confession escape his lips.

Yakko sadly frowned at the downtrodden mouse, but he quickly knew how to cheer him up. “Oh I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“Well why not?” The mouse somberly asked.

“Maybe the reason why Pinky is attached to the hip is because he loves you.” Yakko suggested.

“Perhaps he does. His unquestioning loyalty to me is proof of that.” Brain pondered aloud.

“...and that you love him back.” Yakko added with a sly smile.

“What?” Brain cried out, sharply turning his head to face Yakko. “That’s preposterous! I don’t love Pinky, I merely….tolerate him.”

“Uh huh,” Yakko nodded, not buying his co-worker’s fib. “I guess your toleration must be pretty strong then.”

Yakko placed the cue stick on the side of the pool and walked over towards the mouse.“I mean, who else would sacrifice their chance at world domination on Christmas, go to the depths of h-e-double hockey sticks to save the guy after he sold his soul so you could rule the world, reunite him with his entire family after years of separation, save him from quicksand by embracing your wild side, teach him about the Constitution and upholding the values that make up our country’s democracy, and tend to his aid after the poor guy got pulverized by some crummy humans.” The eldest Warner detailed as he counted all of Brain’s deeds on each finger. Brain’s ears drooped as he heard him recall all of his past heroics when it came to helping the friend he loved so dearly.

“That’s going above and beyond for someone you merely tolerate, don’t you think?” Yakko concluded.

“W-who told you all that?” Brain blurted in disbelief.

“Pinky did.” Yakko answered honestly. “Why, just a few minutes after you left, Pinky started talking about all the great and amazing things you did for him. If you don’t believe me, the proof is in the pudding.” He fished out his phone from his pocket and showed Brain a video, with Pinky’s gleaming smile on the thumbnail. Yakko pressed play.

Pinky was gathered around a few of the party guests on the couch. Wakko and Dot sat closely by his left, and Jay Pac Le East Tha Rapper by his right.

“Poit! And when it came down to choosing the world or me, Brain chose me and decided to compete in rhythmic gymnastics to save my soul!” Pinky explained enthusiastically to his enchanted audience. “Oh you should have seen Brain! He looked so stunning in his marvelous blue spandex, prancing about oh so gracefully with his string-on-a-stick, and he scored a perfect ten! But that awful, no-good Mr. Itch cheated by rigging the competition in his favor and it seemed like Brain and I were doomed to be separated forever!”

Wakko and Dot gasped in shock and instinctively grabbed onto each other for comfort. Even Jay Pac was deeply invested in the story.

“But it turned out that he didn’t deliver on his original promise to give me my radish rose whatchamawhozit, so I was able to be with Brain again!” Pinky happily concluded.

Wakko stood up and applauded. “Oh how I love a happy ending!”

“Wow, my respect for Brain just went through the roof.” Jay Pac commented.

“You know, I never realized how cool Brain was until just now.” Dot admitted.

“He sure is!” Pinky gushed. “Brain is smart, he never gives up on his dreams, he wants what’s best for the world, and he’s the best friend I could ever ask for. Zort! I love him so much, and I know that he loves me too!”

“Pinky, can you tell us another story about The Brain?” Wakko asked enthusiastically, like a child wanting to hear another bedtime story.

“Pretty please, Pinky!!” Dot begged, giving her cutest pout and fluttering her puppy-dog eyes.

“Of course!” Pinky answered gleefully as he leapt up in the air and landed back on the couch. “Oh! I should tell you all about the time he helped me reunite with my mum, my dad, and my sis!”

As the video ended, tears started to pool in Brain’s eyes. He roughly scrubbed them away before they could fall, not allowing himself to become more vulnerable than he already felt. “Perhaps I don’t just tolerate him. Dare I say, I even like Pinky.” Brain half-confessed. He knew that he loved Pinky dearly, but he would never bring himself to verbalize his feelings.

“Actions speak louder than words, buddy.” Yakko retorted. “But I totally get where you’re comin’ from, though. Wakko and Dot mean the world to me.”

“Even though you wrestled your own sibling over something as petty as taking the last of your favorite appetizer?” Brain mentioned sardonically.

“Alright, so I have a problem managing my Cain instinct, guilty as charged.” Yakko answered.

“Sure, we drive each other bonkers sometimes, but at the end of the day, they’re still my sibs and I love them more than they could even know.” The boy smiled as he talked about his dearest siblings.

“But I still can’t help but wonder, what might happen in the future, after the reboot.” Yakko pondered with concern. “What if Wakko and Dot decide to go out in the world and do their own thing? Would they still need me? Would they want me around? And I don’t know how I’d do without ‘em because they’re the only family I’ve got.”

Brain felt his heart go out to Yakko. While the boy can be a nuisance and a smart alec, there was a lot of good in him. But he could also understand the boy’s fears. Yakko was as strongly attached to his siblings and his whole life revolved maintaining that relationship. The mouse pondered to himself until he found the best way to alleviate the boy’s worries.

The small mouse walked over to the eldest Warner brother and gently placed his hand on top of his. “Well, there may come a time when the three of you will go your separate ways and lead independent lives, but no matter how far apart you are, you’ll always maintain that strong familial bond.”

Yakko gave Brain an intrigued look. “What makes you so sure?”

“Pinky and I raised a son together.” Brain answered with a small smile.

“Since when?” Yakko asked with a baffled look on his face.

“It happened back in the late 90s. Roman Numeral One, or Romy for short. I initially planned to make a clone of myself and use him for global conquest, but one of Pinky’s errant toenails was muddled in with my DNA sample, thus creating a clone that modeled after the two of us.” Brain explained, still smiling as he reminisced. “Once Romy reached the age of reason, he departed from the lab and moved on to make a life for himself. Fortunately, Pinky and I are still on good terms with our son, and we would call him every now and again, just to see how he’s doing. And even though our boy is out in the world pursuing his own dreams, we still love him dearly and learned to maintain our familial bond despite the long distance between us.”

“So whatever happens in the future, I’m certain that you and your siblings will still be as thick as thieves.” Brain assured, giving the eldest Warner sibling reassuring pats on his hand. Yakko smiled back at the mouse’s kind gesture.

“But if you’re still uncertain about the future, I’ll guarantee this to you,” Brain added. “If I become the ruler of- no, no. When I become the ruler of the world, my palace doors will always be open for you and your siblings. And if any of you ever feel lost or lonely, Pinky and I will be more than willing to grant you companionship.” Brain offered his small hand out to the boy.

Yakko was eager with the proposition. “Well Brain, I was already rooting for you to take over the world, but now I’m twice as invested! You got yourself a deal!” The eldest Warner enthusiastically shook the mouse’s hand. The Brain gave a hearty chuckle, amazed at the boy’s excitement and encouragement.

“And Brain,” Yakko looked at the small mouse. “I’m really glad we had this talk...and thanks for everything.”

Brain could tell that Yakko rarely opened up about his personal issues and musings to others, so not to trouble them or cause concern. But he could tell just how grateful the boy was for understanding and providing him with the comfort he needed.

“You’re welcome, Yakko.” Brain quietly replied.

“Well, I think that’s enough emotionally heavy conversations for one night.” Yakko commented, trying to sound as laid-back as possible.

“Agreed. You know, I think I’m ready to return to the party and make a more admirable attempt at socializing.” Brain said with confidence.

“That’s the spirit!” Yakko praised, giving him a thumbs up.

As Brain and Yakko were putting away the billiards equipment, they heard three sets of footsteps approaching the rec room. Sure enough, it was Pinky, followed by Wakko and Dot.

“Oh, there you two are! Narf!” Pinky exclaimed.

“So this is where you two have been.” Dot addressed her brother and the mouse.

“Yep, just us guys playing some pool.” Yakko answered half-honestly as he gestured towards his smaller companion. “You could say that we were getting along swimmingly.”

Upon hearing the dad joke, Wakko and Dot retrieved their pun guns and shot their older brother on sight. Brain saw the yellow lasers fly through the room and hit Yakko, causing him to fall over on impact. The mouse looked on with concern.

“I’m fine.” Yakko assured The Brain despite the obvious pain he was in.

Brain returned his attention to his roommate and the other Warner siblings. “So what shenanigans have you three rascals been up to during our absence?” He inquired.

“We gained access to the CEO’s movie screening room!” Dot answered.

“There’s a big screen tv, a comfy leather couch, a snack bar, and everything!” Wakko added enthusiastically.

“Good work sibs!” Yakko complimented as he got back up on his feet.

“Troz! And now that we found you two, we can all go there and watch The Grinch together!” Pinky joyfully declared.

“Which one?” Yakko and The Brain asked in unison, knowing that there were multiple adaptations of the classic story and both secretly hoping that it was the 1966 animated special.

“The animated one, of course!” Pinky cheerfully replied.

“You need to be more specific, Pinky.” Brain added, praying that his friend was referring to the classic television special as opposed to the bland Illumination movie.

“Oh, it’s the one with the Boris Karloff narration and the lovely songs!” Pinky gushed as he hugged himself.

“Thank Heavens.” Brain replied, relieved that his roommate was referring to the former. “We would be delighted to accompany you three, right Yakko?”

“Oh absolutely!” Yakko replied. He carefully picked up Brain and placed him in the palm of his left hand before walking over to the others. He then knelt down and offered Pinky a ride on his right hand, to which he happily accepted.

As Yakko followed his younger siblings to the private theater, he joined his hands together, bridging the divide between the two laboratory mice. Pinky immediately leapt over to Brain, enveloping him in a warm and welcoming hug. Brain decided not to recoil from Pinky’s affection and accepted the embrace.

“Oh it’s good to see you again Brain!” Pinky exclaimed. “I missed you so much since you left, and I was getting worried that I was never going to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too, Pinky.” Brain kindly remarked. “I just needed to recharge after socializing. You know that I would never abandon my best friend in the whole world, right?”

“Your best friend? Where?” Pinky shouted worriedly as he looked over each shoulder.

Brain rolled his eyes at his friend’s stupidity. “It’s you, Pinky. In addition to being my roommate and my assistant, you’re my best friend in the whole world.”

“Naarf.” Pinky awed, his eyes glistening with wonder. Overwhelmed with joy, the taller mouse decided to give his intelligent roommate an extra squeeze. “Well what a coincidence! It just so happens that you’re my best friend in the whole world, Brain!”

“I know, Pinky.” Brain muttered as he patted the taller mouse’s back. “I know.”

Unbeknownst to both mice, the Warners smiled warmly as they witnessed the sweet exchange.

The Warners and the lab mice entered the private theater. Dot retrieved Pinky and the two went over to the couch, where she placed a pillow over her lap, giving Pinky a place to sit. Brain managed to get the Blu-Ray player running as Wakko grabbed a stockpile of snacks. Yakko turned off the lights to provide a more theatrical experience. Yakko carefully held Brain as he plopped down on the couch, sitting between his younger siblings. Yakko moved his hand over to Dot, who gently held Brain before placing him on the pillow alongside Pinky.

As the Christmas special started, Pinky scooted over to Brain to sit closer to him. Feeling Pinky’s presence and taking into account that they were nearly enveloped in darkness, Brain lifted himself and placed a gentle kiss on Pinky’s cheek. After settling himself back down, he carefully wrapped his arm around his roommate’s waist and pulled him closer. The taller mouse was taken aback by his roommate’s actions. Pinky stared at his best friend, who lovingly gazed at him with a soft smile. Brain couldn’t verbalize the love he held for Pinky, but he hoped his kind physical gestures spoke a thousand words. Pinky beamed at Brain in response and wrapped his arm around him. The two mice continued to gaze into each other’s eyes for a few moments longer before returning their attention to the television.

Additional AN: Looking back on Animaniacs and the Pinky and the Brain spin-off as a person in her late-twenties, I’ve become fully aware of how both The Brain and Yakko deeply care about their loved ones to the point where they’re scared of the thought of being separated from them or seeing them hurt in any way.

Yakko is so attached to Wakko and Dot, pretty much raised them at the tender age of 14, so I feel like he would have this lingering fear of being alone. Whether he’s separated from them or has the idea that they wouldn’t need him anymore. The reboot establishes Yakko’s insecurities of caring about what other people think and that he may not be as funny as he presents himself to be. I found this to be a fascinating aspect of his character, and I wanted to play around with that in the fic.

The Brain, on the other hand, loves Pinky. Even if he can’t bring himself to admit it due to how emotionally constipated he is, his actions speak for him. Brain reading Pinky’s letter to Santa and being so moved that Pinky thinks so highly of him and is so supportive of him that he backs out of taking over the world even though he had the whole world under his command, The Brain literally going to hades to bring Pinky back because being the ruler of the world isn’t the same without him, Brain going out of his way to reunite Pinky with his family (even if it was for a scheme) and even using the gene splicer on them so they could understand each other, and Brain tending to Pinky’s aid when he’s beaten up by humans for being a mouse and changing his motives of world conquest to make the world and better and kinder place for Pinky and others who feel small. The reboot also has more moments where Brain chooses Pinky over a future version of himself, rescuing Pinky from being enslaved by a power-hungry toddler, and even trying to comfort him the best he could after his monster wife ran off with the other monster and the two of them perished upon falling down. There are also a lot of great hints of a slow-burn romance between the two, but I’m getting ahead of myself there.

The biggest challenge I had writing this story that followed the lore of the characters. One headcanon I played around with is that Pinky and the Brain work as part-time actors and that the majority of the skits (especially the history-based ones) were made for the show, while the events that took place in Pinky and the Brain spin-off and certain episodes from the reboot (Of Mice and Memes,Future Brain, and Roadent Trip) actually occurred in the show’s universe.

Also there are aspects of the reboot that I purposefully left out, such as Brain being super evil and Pinky being a passive enabler(*cough cough* episodes 3 and 8 *cough cough*) and Pinky having daddy issues since they conflict with their established characterizations from the PATB spin-off.

I also wanted to provide some sort of explanation as to what the Warners were up to during the past 22 years. So I figured that having them frozen in suspended animation was the more logical choice. I also came up with the idea that they had to choose between staying frozen or being locked in the water tower again for added drama.

Overall, I had a lot of fun writing this story. It’s been a long time since I last publicly published fanfiction since there was a lot going on in my personal life and I was too busy and I didn’t feel entirely motivated to write. But upon rewatching old episodes of Pinky and the Brain, Animaniacs, and watching season one of the Animaniacs reboot has reawakened my creative muse and motivated me to write, and I do plan on writing more stories centered around these characters.

Please leave a review if you can! Thanks for reading!

#animaniacs #pinky and the brain #fanfiction #brain #yakko warner #pinky #wakko warner #dot warner #brinky #a!spoilers #christmas

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ichitora · 3 years ago

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「 Birth 」

:: Because this day is not only about his birthday

» with Chifuyu Matsuno and Toman founding members

《Content Warning - Canon divergent - AU, third POV, Comfort, just characters interacting with each other, platonic relationship, tr dvd booklet 1 minor spoilers》

【 notes - Happy birthday to my one and only, Kazutora! 】

The traffic light turned red.

The road was heavily busy for an unknown reason to which Kazutora paid no heed. His eyes were on the vehicle before them. A classical music played, filling the silence of what seemed to be an empty shell of a car and somehow isolating them to the noisy businesses that surrounded them. It didn’t disturbed him. Not when it’s his friend, Chifuyu who’s maneuvering, eyes stuck on the road as well.

A smoke made its appearance not too far from them, probably just a few cars away. It looked raging mad by the way its darkness occupies the sky. Kazutora raised his eyebrows.

“Huh? What was that?” Chifuyu mumbled under his breath. He propped his arm on the door and leaned his head on his fist. Kazutora did the same on the opposite side, hoping to take a glimpse of what’s going on outside.

“Damn these kids!” They overheard an annoyed old man on the neighboring vehicle. It was so loud that not even the music could cover it. Kazutora tilted his head more.

It was a small car on fire. Barely recognizable as the firemen did their best to put it off. The only thing that’s left was its bones, scrap materials no one would use.

So, that’s why the traffic became heavier.

Kazutora tucked his yellow side bangs on his ear, smirking as he squinted his eyes for a bit.

“What a lame ass.” Another person said, neither Chifuyu nor Kazutora made an effort to respond. Kazutora glanced at Chifuyu, watching the raven haired man with a tiny smile on his lips. For that moment it was as if they shared one brain cell. One brain cell that provides a huge impact straight down to their hearts.

It was some kids’ doing they say?

Of course, it only reminds them of a certain person.

Both of them didn’t have the guts to bring it up though. Their heads are connected under one idea, yet they prefer to keep it to themselves, putting it as a way of telepathic communication. It didn’t have to be talked about.

It wasn’t as if it’s a sensitive subject for Kazutora and Chifuyu, in fact the memories of the past with 𝘩𝘪�� stood to be the teas they share when they have nothing else to do in the pet shop.

And how funny it could be that 𝘩𝘦 is the reason why both of them are settled in the car at the moment.

It didn’t take too long before they arrived, taking the items they brought with them until they halted in a specific family grave.

Now, the air feels like chunks of solids that are heavy to breathe on. The wind passed by from time to time, the leaves reminding them to remain reverent within their stay. Chifuyu sat like what he usually does, not minding his slacks attracting some dirt. He took a few foods out of the plastic bag, not missing the iconic peyoung yakisoba he and Baji used to share. Alongside it was a small cake and a few cans of drinks.

Kazutora, with his hair resting on his nape and shoulders, followed, going down like a frog to take another yakisoba with him. His eyes scanned the engraved characters on the marbled tombstone that didn’t look like one to him. For him, the characters before his eyes just morphed into a person he also had been longing to see for a long time.

Oh lord, he wanted to hug him so bad.

If the deities would grant him permission to see and embrace him again, he will not hesitate to do so and not let go.

“Oi, Baji.” He greeted. Chifuyu said nothing, preparing to split the yakisoba to offer it to Baji. Kazutora was certain he had something to say. He has thought of it multiple times on their way here as if he’s memorizing a script, however the way his heart clenches made him lose all the words he knew. “I...”

“... I saw a car on fire a while back.” That caught Chifuyu’s attention. He gazed at Kazutora. The wind blows, allowing him to see how his sandy eyes shone upon his words.

Within Kazutora’s smile, it reminded him of the first best birthday he ever had in his entire childhood. The memory that stayed with him after his brain forced to control, alt, delete the existence of his traumatic past.

The vehicle was burning so bright in their eyes. Just the same way it ignited their friendship the same day. Before Kazutora could even gather himself, he already had a friend who would dedicate himself to stay by his side.

September 16. It wasn’t a bad day at all, he just got the best gift he would treasure to this very day.

It aches.

Time flies as some would say, but the memories don't. The memories that can contain different emotions every second just stays. It knows how to keep up.

The longer Kazutora envisions Baji sitting in front of them, the more he wanted to tear up.

But he can’t.

His tears are too shy to show their existence. He does not intend this day to go down like that.

“I’d always share my birthday with you, you know that.” Kazutora’s voice almost wavered. Chifuyu bit his lower lip, looking down. There weren’t many words, yet the feeling felt too overwhelming to take in, it naturally oozes out from them without them knowing.

Kazutora sighed. His heart feels like it's dropping every second. He’s breathing under the water and every inhale stings.

“We used to eat peyoung yakisoba together,” Kazutora whispered, just enough for Chifuyu to hear. “One for you, and one for me.” His hand was trembling a bit as he opened the food. “But I guess this time you have to split it with this dude beside me, huh.”

Chifuyu smirked. He raised his noodle like a glass of wine. “Happy birthday.”

The containers collide. “Cheers.”

Perhaps it wasn’t just his birthday the two of them are celebrating.

Kazutora would rather like to put it as the birth of his and Baji’s precious friendship.

“Baji and I exchanged punches the very first time we met,” Kazutora stated just a little while as he and Chifuyu alternatively told Baji some stories of how their lives went. The grave stood there like a diary, both hoping for their words to reach the deceased wherever he will be. There then the older lad tilted his head, emitting a jingling sound from his earring. “He pierced my ear the same day.”

—

Chifuyu chuckled. “Well, that’s Baji-san for you.” He smiled. “I remember Mikey-kun telling me a story one time where Baji-san used to name himself Edward while he was named Michael— Mikey for short, just when they were still kids.”

Kazutora stood in disbelief. He beamed, averting his eyes to the Baji family grave. “Really? What a lame-ass. I never have heard of that.”

“I couldn’t believe it as well. I tried imagining myself calling him Edward-san instead of Baji and I just couldn’t take it seriously from there.”

They snickered.

“Edward,” Kazutora mumbled, both of them laughing again. “Who the fuck would name themselves as Edward?”

“You know, if Baji-san hears us right now he’ll be annoyed.”

“Oh, what is he gonna do? Rise from his grave? Because if the answer is yes then I wouldn’t stop calling him Edward.”

It was a simple conversation, yet it lifted up some of the unspoken woes they do their best to keep within themselves. It became like this. It was as if Baji was just with them. This place had become their comfort zone that they are a few steps away from committing weird shit right in front of his innocent tombstone.

Kazutora sighed, their chuckles fading out. He placed his hands in his pockets. “... Mikey.”

He didn’t know why the name slipped out of his mouth, hence the name also brings him back some memories, rather reminding him of one of the reasons why things have ended up like this.

And as if he was a summoning expert, he felt a presence on his back.

Kazutora didn’t move.

Chifuyu’s eyes widened for a split second with the newly arrived person’s appearance, still in his casual black tees and checkered coat, paired with black pants. His hair that is as dark as night, danced to the chilly breeze of the wind.

The light atmosphere they built up had been adulterated. None of them said a word. Kazutora didn’t have to look back at who it was. Just the aura was enough to be aware of who’s with them without a doubt.

Mikey stood with hands in a praying position, shutting his eyes with his silent prayers for a few moments before straightening his posture. All of them were like statues, waiting for someone to try to break the silence. The yellow-eyed lad breathed slowly, feeling his heart slowing down in heartbeat.

Manjiro Sano.

Kazutora wouldn’t deny how awkward they are currently. Mikey forgave him and they ended on good terms. yet the graze in their friendship can no longer be mended. They’re now left as two individuals who pay respect to each other, without resentment and without regret as to how they want to put it.

“I—“

“It’s been a while, Baji,” Mikey said. His voice never ceased to strangle Kazutora in his words while Chifuyu was just there, paying witness to what can unfold next. “I hope you’re happy.”

Kazutora smiled. A genuine one. “... He is.”

Chifuyu, Kazutora, Mikey— seeing the three of them together all fine with each other would surely give relief to Baji wherever he may be, that’s what Kazutora would like to think. At least that thought comforts the weight he always carry with him since the beginning.

He didn’t die in vain.

They all looked at the grave with their sincere eyes, as if it was telling Baji that he could always be at peace. It was mixed with emotions of missing a loved one with a glint of happiness no word can describe. It felt like a story ending where one way or another they have to bid their farewell and go on.

“The others... they’re waiting.”

Chifuyu and Kazutora glanced at him, faces painted with confusion. There then they noticed a group of people not too far away from them. The latter’s doe eyes thought he was looking at something unreal, chest rose and fell— puzzled. The edges of his lips stretched involuntarily all the way towards his ears. He couldn’t believe he’d be seeing them all at once today. Not when he hadn't seen them together for years.

Pah chin, Draken, Mitsuya—

It’s the rest of the Toman founding members.

What he heard next was another surprise.

𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘺…

“Kazutora, happy birthday.”

Thus, the rest of the day was Chifuyu tagging along with Tokyo Manji Gang’s founding members for Kazutora’s birthday that also served as a small, unexpected reunion.

“I already ordered some food on UberEats. Thank you very much, Kazutora!”

The gang cackled.

“O-oi! Mikey— I didn’t even bring my wallet! Chifuyu!”

“Doesn’t sound like a me-problem at all. That’s on you, you bastard.”

“Don’t worry too much, Kazutora. Pah Chin got us!” says Mitsuya in his gentle voice.

“Oi, why am I even dragged into this?!”

Perhaps, Kazutora's day could still get better without him knowing.

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writeraquamarinara · 4 years ago

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as with everything else in life, I’m late to making this post. I tend to make one around Jan 1st every year, but it’s now a few days after that, and all i can say for myself is that time is non-consequential during a pandemic, right? right.

anywho, this is my usual “thank you for keeping me going this year” post, but with even more fervor. 2020 would not have been nearly as tolerable without you all in it. and when i say all i really do mean all. thank you to anyone who follows me here or has read and supported my work on AO3 or has sent me a message or an ask or even just likes my posts. you can never know how many people’s hearts you’ve touched, lives you’ve made better, but i’m telling you now: you made me smile and laugh and feel love in a year that could have easily stolen all that. thank you for sticking around.

a few more specific shoutouts are under the cut to keep from flooding your dashes. i hope you’re all having a wonderful start to the new year.

much love, mari

to @anniemurphys: ria, i cannot thank you enough, for so many things. you played such a vital role in turning this year around for me. your friendship, and the friendships you’ve helped me make through book club, kept me smiling from week to week. i never wanted to leave our meetings, no matter how long they’d already gone. I could listen to your literary analyses and life advice for days on end. you’re such a kind, patient, loving person, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. here’s to another year of freaking out over taylor swift albums and the power inherent in voluntarily turning oneself into vegetation.

to @bigdsgirl: heidi, you’re one of the sweetest, most hard-working people i know. you amaze me, and you graciously humor my latest hyper fixations—somehow always knowing, always reblogging content related to what i’m obsessing over at the moment. you give such great advice and have such a calming presence that i love being in chats and on calls with you. i cannot wait for more zoom movie nights in 2021.

to @hellodinoflower: raptor, you’ve supported me for so many years now, and whenever i feel down about my writing i’ll go back through the comments on some of my old fics and yours always make me tear up. you’re so thoughtful and kind and excited about my work that i cannot help but be the same. i hope you enjoyed the little dino reference in pride & publishing—i tried my best, i really did—and i hope you’re doing well. sending you so much love.

to @soyforramen: soy, i promise i’ll get to your head canon asks some day. i promise i haven’t forgotten them; i’m just uncreative and uninspired, but what else is new. you, however, are brilliant and kind and thoughtful, and your guidance in making both life and fic-writing decisions has been so important to me this year. wishing you so much luck with school this year, and even more happiness.

to @ithoughtyoulikedmereckless: rach, where to even begin? you’re the person i talk to when i’m feeling happy or sad or annoyed or angry or pretty much anything, really. our FaceTime convos are my favourite, no matter what time of day we have them at (somehow, the ones at 10pm are just as crazy as the ones at 3am, and i don’t really understand how or why, but i love that for us). i’ve learned so much about myself through my conversations with you, and you keep me level headed when i start doubting myself too much. you understand me on such an amazing level and i’m so lucky that you reached out to me so many years ago. i’m so lucky that we just happened to find each other on here and just so happened to move near each other this year. i still cannot believe i get to see you in person and go on walks in the woods with you. you’re such a talented photographer, writer, painter, baker, and all around artist; an incredibly kind and funny person; and i aspire to be you. i’m rambling now, but just know that i love you.

to @catthecoder: lav, my light, my love. seeing your icon and username on my dash makes me smile so hard. you just give off the best vibes and chatting with you always leaves me feeling like i’ve been basking in the sunlight for the past few hours. we need to make a resolution to sprint with each other more often this year, even if 2021 is going to be as hectic as ever, as i find so much joy in reading your snippets as we go along. you’re such a wonderful writer, and i often read your gift to me from years ago for inspiration and comfort. i hope you’re doing well and am sending so much love.

to @stirringsofconsciousness: stirrings!! i know you’ve had a super busy year, but you still made time to chat with me and i’ll be forever grateful. i often think about the advice you’ve left for me and the thoughtful responses you’ve given to my personal posts and find so much inspiration in your own words and actions. i also still cannot get over the time when you sent me a post of artful vases because you thought of me when you saw them. mortifying ordeal of being known who? anyways lol, i just wanted to thank you for being in my life and wish you a happy 2021.

to @heavy-lies-the-crown: alex, i just wanted to thank you for putting your time and energy towards answering my incessant questions this year. you’ve been an inspiration to me as a writer ever since i first found your work, but you’re also an inspiration to me as a person, and i’m always thinking about the advice you’ve given me. i hope you had a wonderful end to 2020, and that 2021 brings you even more joy than seeing your posts on my dash brings me. much love.

to @stonerbughead: maria, you brought so much happiness to my 2020. your support for my work took my breath away every time, and I swear I nearly cried when I saw your latest comments on pride and publishing. you put so much time and energy into this fandom, and into supporting the people in it, and I hope you know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. we all love you, and we’re so lucky to have you; your fics are brilliant, your podcast highlights are a joy to read, and your disdain for ras is hilarious. thank you for being you. sending lots of love.

to @sullypants: sully, it’s been years and i still marvel at how lucky i am to know you. you’ve taught me so much, from how to be more thoughtful to how to navigate therapy and self-love to how to be a kinder person in the world. you introduced me to ask polly and you send me really nice asks and you’re one of like four people who interacts with my posts on a consistent basis, which makes me feel a little less alone in the world, if that makes any sense. i’m going to stop myself from rambling on or else i might cry, but i just wanted to thank you for—here comes the cliche—changing my life (doesn’t everyone we meet change our lives, in some way or another? but you’ve changed mine considerably, and for the better). sending you so much love (in the form of both yellow and blue heart emojis)

to @justcourbeau: mel, our paths cross less frequently now than they used to, but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about you and the conversations we’ve had, or smile when i come across your posts on my dash, or when i happen to open up instagram once in a blue moon and see you’ve posted on your story. please never stop sending me sparknotes memes—especially cask of amontillado ones. your words of advice from the night i called you, distraught, a few years ago live in my brain rent free, and i will continue to carry them into 2021 with me. i hope 2021 treats you well, and that you achieve all you want and more. sending you an immense amount of love.

to @protectorofthesmoll: your string of comments on pride and publishing made me cry multiple times, i swear. i still read them back every so often, when i’m trying to muster the courage to start up on the new chapter. your support means so much to me, and it amazes me how far back it goes: I’m pretty sure I have at least two asks of yours sitting in my inbox, from back in 2018 when I had barely any followers or supporters, both of them writing prompts that I never filled. i promise i’ll get to them one day. anywho, i just wanted to thank you for your support this year, and every year before that. wishing you so much love and happiness in 2021.

to @panalegs27: 2020 was the year of figuring out that we have so much in common: a hatred of dating apps, confusion over tumblr’s obsession with the raven cycle, and an attraction to logan lerman with gray hair. thank you for chatting about all of these things, and more, with me; seeing that you’ve sent me a post always makes me smile, and our conversations make me laugh. wishing you even more love and laughter in 2021.

to @indiebughead: maria, it’s been so lovely getting to know you more over the course of this year. i love listening to your stories and living vicariously through you, lol. (i want updates on new neighbor boy, asap!) thank you for listening to my petty rants and for encouraging me to make bad decisions and be salty on main when i want to be. i couldn’t have asked for a more supportive conspirer ;) sending lots of love.

to @redundantoxymorons: iz, you’re one of the smartest, most eloquent, most supportive people i know. i know 2021 will be both stressful and exciting in many ways, and i wish you all the best. i know you’re going to thrive wherever you end up, and i’ll cheer you on as you navigate this new world, just as you’ve done for me all these years. i’m so lucky to have you as a friend, supporter, and beta, and all of our conversations bring me so much joy. pls continue to gush about taylor swift and rec books and send uquizzes with results that make me feel Known in 2021. i love you very much <3

to @cracklr: leda, i’ve missed your passive aggressive smiley faces, but your gushing insta comment more than made up for that, i promise :) sending you so much love and happiness in this new year <3

to @dottie-wan-kenobi: dottie, the posts we send each other make me so upset, but in a good way—the “if i just had to see this nasty shit then so do you” kind of way—and i love that about our relationship. who else would understand how disgustingly hilarious something is other than my wife? no one, that’s who. i often think about how you were the first friend i made in fandom, and i’ll be forever grateful for that: i couldn’t have found a better person. i love you so much, and am sending you all my love.

this list of shoutouts is really much shorter than it should be, but my brain is currently friend and i cannot seem to think properly anymore. therefore, i’m going to call it a day and reiterate my above statements that I love you all, and I hope you have a fucking amazing 2021.

#i can't find my 2019 one of these so i've decided i need to start tagging them with something so i can read them back #so for posterity:#end of the year appresh #anywho #none of this is edited or read over #so if it's embarrassingly cheesy or there are typos... welp

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owlswithfins · 4 years ago

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Tag Game!

Tagged by the wonderful @urupotter

1. Why did you choose your URL?

I made it up when I was in middle school (i think?) because I loved owls bc of HP and wanted to be a professional mermaid

2. Any side blogs?

I’ve had several over the years, but the only one I’m really active on is @gwen-cheers-me-up, my BBC Merlin side blog

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Oh, ummmmm since 2016 maybe?

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Nope, I think I have one post queued per day, but I’ve never been entirely sure what the purpose of a queue tag is...

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

After reading the Slytherin!Harry fic series Cunning and Ambition, I was inspired to write my first fanfic, and I wanted to find other fic writers to befriend

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I dressed up as the “amatonormativity fairy” on Valentine’s Day last year (a villainous oc) and really loved the photos that came out of it (and this used to be primarily an HP roleplay blog so there was no extra harm in putting my face in my icon as well when half of my content were gifs of myself in cosplay)

7. Why did you choose your header?

Aghlkjlsfsdlfjdsl I genuinely had to check to see what my header was. I just thought it was pretty tbh

8. What's your post with most notes?

This post from 2016 with 35.5k notes

9. How many mutuals do you have?

...is that listed somewhere? idk, lots?

10. How many followers do you have?

4k but about 3k are from 2016 and aren’t active

11. How many people do you follow?

1700

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Yup

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I check Tumblr a ridiculous amount of times each day, but I usually only post like 1-3 times

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Not really, no, and I think I’ve only gotten like 2 angry anons in my entire time on Tumblr

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I usually don’t reblog them unless they’re related to specific problems within a fandom I’m active in (e.g. info about how to not whitewash Gwen and Elyan in BBC Merlin gifsets). When it comes to problems outside of fandom, encouraging people to reblog instantly rather than to research the topic further somewhere that’s not tumblr is a quick and easy way to spread misinformation.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes

17. Do you like ask games?

Theoretically haha but I barely ever do them. I’ve done a lot of “send a prompt from this list and I’ll write you a fic” if that counts

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

I don’t even know what it means to be tumblr famous tbh??? nor do I know who most of my mutuals are

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I lost the ability to love years ago

Tagging: @panclownrights @dracopottermalfoy @goodandevil18 and anyone else who wants to do it!

#no pressure as always!#tag game

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sometimes-i-write-4-you · 5 years ago

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hi! i was wondering if i could request sth. it would be stanley barber w/ angst prompt: “I told you not to fall in love with me.” but like with a cute/fluffy ending thank you!!!

Like a movie - Stanley Barber x reader

a\n: so this is defently not my best piece, but oh well. ya’ll should request him more often so i can practice writing for him cause i’ve yet to come up with a good one i actually like.

trigger wornings: reader feels unworthy, cussing, also spoilers for Princess Bride kinda?? like i’m just queting the end scene but it dosen’t ruin the plot so it’s fine.

word count: 1854

---

It has been a month since homecoming. After Bradley's head blew up, everyone left the gym, but I was too shocked to move. "(y\n), right?" a curly haired boy asked me, and his hand carefully touched my shoulder to wake me out of my freeze. He had a notebook in one hand, and It was slightly covered in blood.

"what up, Westinghouse!" Jeff Butters called, crossing the stage, "where my boys at?" the crowd cheered. "where do I begin?" he said, "I wanna thank my mom for meeting my dad-".

Before he finished the sentence, Bradley barged in and took the microphone. "listen up" he caked, and the microphone's feedback rang through the gym. "brad, you can't do that" the principle tried to stop him, but Brad seemed determined. "give me a second" he said, and when the principle tried to drag him off stage he pushed him away, "give me a second!".

"I would like to take this moment" Brad started, "to talk about something very important that affects everyone here". I immediately knew – what he was gonna say matters to no one else but him, and I had a strange feeling like something bad is about to happen/ his tone was so... aggressive, and his eyes priced someone, I just don't know who. "Sydney Novak!" he called. I guess she's the one he was trying to kill with his stare.

"hey Sydney, raise your hand" he said, and that was well enough for me. I hurried to the bathroom, hiding from the horrible situation. The principle Is right there, why is he not trying to stop this? I sat down on the floor. "-she's one hell of a writer" he said, and when I turned around for a second I noticed he's holding up a notebook. This is homecoming, it's supposed to be fun but my only friend ditched me to dance with some guy, and now this. "-but being a full on dyke-" I hear him say, and quickly go back to ignore his voice. I can hear, but I don't listen. don't listen, don't listen, don't listen – "everyone in her life thinks that she is a piece of shit, and I mean everyone" he says. I don't want to listen, this is her fucking diary. That's not my business.

"hey man, leave her alone!". Ducking finally. I should go out there and help her. I don't know her, but someone needs to back that kid up. the kid that is now lying on the floor because he got punched. Shit. I stare at the scene

"but that's not even the weirdest thing about Sydney Novak" Brad goes back to his speech. I get closer as he speaks, hoping to get the boy who stuck up for her away from the crowd of people. "get this, Sydney claims that she has-" he talks, and I'm almost there. Everybody screams as a red fluid rains inside the gum. My now brown-ish dress is covered in the gooey thing as well, and I realize that it's not a punch rain surprise. It's blood.

"it's her diary" the curly haired boy explains to me, "I'm Stanley, and we have to get out of here, come on" he says, and grabs my hand. Then we run. We run so fast, leaving the gym and the crazy thing that we just witnessed behind.

"hey, (y\n)" Stanley smiles at me, offering his hand. I shake it and pulling him into one of those "bro hugs". He laughs and decides to go along. "hey bro, how was history class?" he asks, lowering his voice to sound manly as we started walking to class. "yo, it was cool man, we talked about Hamilton and how he had bitches, what a dope dude, I aspire to be him" I say, lowering my voice as well. He looks at me, smiling, but his eyes said, "what the fuck?". "too much?" I ask in my normal voice. "a bit, yeah, but I'm pretty sure I heard Jeff saying that, so at least you were accurate" he laughs/ I'm taking a step past him and turning my face to him. I walked backwards, praying I won't run into a jock. Ever since homecoming, Sydney, Dina, Stan and I became quite unpopular. I knew the consequences, but they were nice fellas, and I needed some decent people to hang out with. Who cares about popularity when you got loyal friends?

"hey, we're still on for tonight?" I ask him. "of course, I wouldn't miss it for a Bloodwitch concert" he smiles. I give him a look, and he laughs. "okay maybe I will ditch you for Bloodwitch, but come on – it's Bloodwitch, and no offence – but a drive in 80's movie night is just not as awesome" he admits, and I smile. I stop walking. "thank you for coming with, I just really want to go, but going with Sydney and Dina is just kind of awkward, cause they're like… so obviously in love but not official and it's… yeah" I say. "no problem, I'd go anywhere with you" he says, "cause, you know, best friends and all that" he quickly adds, punching my shoulder awkwardly to show that were "bros". see, I made him promise not to fall for me. I'm a mess, and he is so incredible, he just deserves someone better then me. He's funny, and charming and so… open to the world. He tries to be good to everyone and he stays loyal to his morals, and friends, and he's just… shit.

"well, this is my class, bye" I say, going straight to room 405. "bye" Stan calls, waving. Shit, shit, shit. I really like him, huh? I mean I knew I'd have a crush the moment I finally looked at him on that evening, the one that had the nightmare-coming. I obviously noticed he's a good-looking guy, and he was sweet, but what I didn't know is how much. I was also surprised to find out it was not just a crush.

7:00 PM finally arrives. I walk outside, and stan Is already there, which is a surprise since he is famous for his tendency to be late. He is leaning against his car, hands in the pockets of a flowy, creme-colored pants paired with a floral button up. The colors work together well, and that wasn't surprising since he had a touch for fashion – he even had a brown belt to tie the whole thing together. "Hi" I smile at him. "Hi" he returns the smile and moves closer to me for a hug. He wraps his hands around my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck. "He smells nice" I think to myself and break the hug. I'm not falling.

We get to the car and start driving. "Let me hear your voice to bring me down\I'm waiting for your lips to bring me round\My life's shame and sorrow falling back\Lead me from my head down underground" We scream along to Bloodwitch on our way to the drive-in theatre. We finally get there, parking next to Syd and Dina, who borrowed her mom's car. Every pair is sitting on its own car.

The first movie to screen is The Princess Bride. "oh, I love this movie" Dinna says, "it's so sweet". "it's a bit too cliché for me" Syd says, "but it is really good" she adds quickly in order to not upset her not-girlfriend. "I agree with Syd" I say, "Cliché but good". "I'm with Dinna on this one, top 10- no, 5 best 80's movies" Stan joins to the conversation

.By the end of the movie, Stan's hand is hugging my shoulder and I lean onto him. we got popcorn together, and every time our hands met in the carton I blushed. The only thing I could do was hope he didn't notice. "since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure, this one left them all behind" I looked at Syd and Dinna just in time to catch Dinna pulling Syd in for a kiss. Soon enough u noticed every couple did the same. "this is so cli-" I say, turning back to look at Stan, but I don't even get to finish my sentence.Stan's hand cups my cheek, pulling me in. his lips crush against mine, but in the sweetest way imaginable. For a moment I lean into the kiss and return it. No, wait. Shit. "Stan!" I pull away, " I told you not to fall in love with me" I whisper-yell. "remind me again, why?" he asks, his eyes looking down at me with so much sadness. His hand is still on my cheek, but as I talk, he moves it to my shoulder.

"because... look, I'm a mess, Stan. I don't know how to be someone's girlfriend, and I like you and I don't want to hurt you" I say. "don't you think It's my choice?" he says, a bit annoyed. "look, it's really for your best" I insist, but he's not willing to give up just yet."don't you think that this hurt?" he asks. "I don't- see, it's just what I do, I hurt the people I love" I reply, sad smile across my face. "look, (y\n), I'd love to have my heart broken by you. I don't mind getting hurt cause then I'll know we tried, and if you like me back, it's just stupid to ignore it" he replies, and tears are threatening to fall down my cheeks. He really is the sweetest guy I've ever met.

"okay" I say, breaking the silence. "okay what?" Stan asks confused. "fine, you want to try this, you think it's worth it, so... okay" I say. "okay what?" he asks again, hoping for me to say a very specific phrase."okay, I'Il-" I try. I want to say, "be your girlfriend" or "date you", even "try it", but words were never my strong suit, so action it is. My hand grabs his chin and pulls him closer to me, and our lips meet once again."you will be my girlfriend" he completes the sentence for me when we pull away. "sure, yeah".

"thank god, it's about time" Dinna sigh. Syd and her are cuddled up, and Syd has the hugest smile on her face. "oh, like you're the one to talk" I say.

"the next film we are going to screen is back To The Future!" a voice says. "oh, this is the coolest movie-" Syd starts. "An ICONIC movie" I agree with her. "oh, the plot is so weird, it's about a guy who travels back in time and his mom develops a crush on him" Stan disagrees, and Dina is on his side once again. "yeah, and the movie basically says Johnny b Good was made by a white man, that's so fucked up".

If it was a teen movie, the camera will zoom out as a song starts playing for credits. I bet it'd be a Bloodwitch song. Maybe Fly.

#stanley barber #Stanley barber x reader #stanley barber imagine #ianowt #ianowt x reader #i am not okay with this

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icharchivist · 4 years ago

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Thank you for answering the previous asks and hope you're prepared!

How much, out of ten, are you of each winter troupe member?

Have a good day :3c

ahah thank you for doing that all the way!

and oh boy i thought i was prepared but turns out-

okay notewise.:

Tsumugi: 7/10, Tasuku: 3/10, Homare: 4/10 Hisoka: 9.5/10, Azuma: 10/10, Guy: 6/10

(if you're supprised Azuma is actually my ultimate kin and it's not Hisoka: congratz i fooled all of u. the only reason i don't have an Azuma icon is that i genuinely think he looks too sexy in some arts and it doesn't feel Me despite everything else. The more u know.)

And. i need to warn that i went much more into personal details for Hisoka and Azuma under the cut to the point where it may be overwhelming. And that Azuma's entry alone is 2.1k words long. What the fuck me.

Relating to team "we have so much trauma" is going to be so much fun.

coughs, anyway take care :3c

(Links: Spring, Summer, Autumn , Winter ranking)

Winter my beloved, this is going to be a normal, non emotional ranking at all.

Tsumugi: 7/10 I relate to his lack of confidence, and the way he gave up on everything he loved when his spirit was crushed (re what I was talking about with my Kumon rant). On my down time I did study a bit of psychology and though I wouldn’t put myself at the same level as a psy student I’m often told I read people mostly in an accurate way so I can relate to that. I can use my powers for Evil like nudging people in some direction or knowing where to attack, but I am super aware of that and I’ve been extra conscious about not having it happen again for over ten years now DLKFJDLF (Azuma is kinda like that too). But yeah the fact he is like that too makes it relatable.

I also think that the whole “feeling you fucked up and took all the responsibility when a friendship broke apart” is also something very relatable. So is “ghosting your friends after that”. I relate to the fact he’s a nerd too. I relate to him more than not but I guess I just removed points because of how while I relate to specificities the whole thing doesn’t connect as much as it could?

Tasuku: 3/10 he’s probably the one I relate the least to. I honestly didn’t understand Tasuku much until Nocturnality on my first read, and it’s only then that things clicked. Legit I saw him the way Azuma saw him dLKFJDKFJDF. But I do feel it relatable that he feels responsible for failing his friend and that he took it upon himself to try to read more into how people are behaving to try to prevent it from happening again. But else he’s. genuinely not like me KDJFKLDFJDFL

Homare: 4/10 mhmm. I think I relate to the way he is passionate and how much he genuinely loves. I also relate to the fact he is pretty analytic, though the details of what makes his struggles are not something I relate to easily. I have felt broken before, I was told i was broken or unfit in some ways, so this particular pain is something I completely understand. I also did use to be an artist and a writer so I can relate to that passion of his, although as I mentioned in others ranking *shrugs*. That said he’s very much more exuberant and confident than I am and I would assume I know how to deal with people emotionally a bit more.

Hisoka: 9.5/10 oh boy where to start. This is going to be a tough one to get into without getting extremely personal. To start with, I’m a sleepy baby. I sleep a lot DLKJFDF though not much at night. I used to fall asleep in class all the time my friends had to always be on the watch out for me. I don’t have much energies. I love plushy and I love being comfortable in some places. I also really love sweets tho not as much as him. I also do care ways too much for my specific plushies and pillows (I do have huge penguins plushies too).

I, too, have memories issues, though of course to a lesser extend. I have a lot of trauma and for a lot of them I ended up getting fuzzy memories. I used to be in a pretty toxic environment where I constantly had to make use of my memory to survive, and so when my memory started failing me, I was terrified. My parents gaslight me all the time and pretends a lot of things that happened didn’t happen and that I’m crazy for believing it happened, so the moment my memory started to fail me I started to panic a lot. It terrified me to not being completely sure whenever I could trust myself or not. It made me feel extremely unreliable. It’s still something I struggle with a lot.

This would have been my answer pre-awakening moon at least. I always related to him to some degree so Awakening moon was a slap in the face in a way I wasn’t ready to deal with, and this is where I have to be uncomfortably personal.

I am the youngest sibling of 3. My eldest sister ran away from home when I was 6, never to be seen again. My other sister resented me because I used to be very close to the eldest and she was jealous about it, and while the reasons were linked to our parents, who were extremely toxic to us and kept us into this toxic environment for years on end, my sister took all her anger out on me. While we’ve discussed it as adults now, our relationships is too strained to fix it nowadays.

It took me a long while – it took me Azuma’s arc actually – to realize that the way I feel for my eldest sister is more akin to grief than to abandon. I don’t even remember her. I don’t remember her and still apparently the way I was close to her was the reason my sibling hold it against me. I couldn’t even remember *why* my sister was mad at me because I don’t even remember being close to my sister that much. All I know is that she left because the situation at home was too toxic. It was.. so messy.

I have. Much more trauma linked to that specifically but that’s the root of something that hit me in the face with Hisoka’s arc. Because I can’t remember a person that disappeared from my life, and yet it was enough for it to break and shape everything I’ve lived through since. I couldn’t even start to talk about how it still impacts me now 20 years later. I’m just now making peace with the fact this was grief. This is the gist of the reason Hisoka’s arc hit me as hard as it did (and the fact that Chikage is actively undoing all the bad things his own grief pushed him to do on Hisoka is the reason Chikage is so compelling to me. My sister could never lol.).

I felt also that I had to take all the responsibilities for what happened. I felt like I could make things easier for the family after this trauma, at the rip age of 7, and no one stopped to think maybe a child shouldn’t have to be dealing with a collective family trauma like this. But well. Here we are.

I relate to the fact Hisoka also struggles to accept everything that happened. And that now he’s trying to make things better for others people he can relate to. It’s so… complicated.

Also I can’t forget the fact Hisoka tried to kill himself and :/ as someone who has had a lot of suicidal idealization in my life this really hit a lot harder than it should have.

In general I would just say that socially I’m not really like him except with people I’m comfortable with teasing. Hisoka can be a little too rude and it’s where I can’t relate lol. But otherwise man I care him so much I feel so seen. I’m just removing 0.5 points for that and I don’t give him full mark because of what I’ll explain next.

Azuma: 10/10 This one is going to be a trip. It’s about twice the length of the Hisoka’s rant. Mister took me by the throat too. As I think it’s clear now I cannot relate to the fact he genuinely loved his family and how much his family cared for him. Yet I relate… to about everything else.

On the surface I do think I seem more approachable and easy to talk with. I try to be the kindest person I can be, to not be judgmental. I’m conflict avoidant, just like he can be, and if I’m annoyed with someone I’m muuuuch more likely to use passive aggressiveness like he does with Tasuku when he’s pissed at him. (sidenote: I do find it funny that Tasuku was the only character I really felt I didn’t get until Nocturnality, while Azuma was having the exact same problem, and then he became one of my fav the moment it clicked. Azuma is my braincell.)

More often than not, there’s a smile on my face and I try to be soft in the way I can be. I’m generally pretty calm, I’ve been told I was soothing, or give good hugs, this sort of stuff.

Now onto the heavy stuff.

I have a lot of nightmares and night terrors linked to a lot of my traumas. I’m honestly scared sometimes to go to sleep ^^”. But in general, if Hisoka reflects a lot of a personal trauma and how it would personally affect me, Azuma reflects a lot on how I would behave with others people in general and especially when I’m unwell. I’ve coped most of my life with, everything that happened to me, by just. Trying to keep people at armlength. I don’t want to let people close to me, especially irl. Discussing all of that online gives me a distance that allows me to discuss it but, I remember in high school I was going through very bad things, and a few years later I was hanging out with a friend and I happened to open up about those things. And she was going livid because, she had known me for what, 6 years at that point? And she never knew any of this. We talked a lot then, we were close, but she never knew all those things about me until years later. It kinda scared her because to her I was always a sweet and cheerful person and she never expected that I was doing this badly. I remember then she brought up something we discussed back in a party with many of our others friends from high school and similarly they were all. “how did we never know any of this.”. Seeing Azuma in Nocturnality kinda brought me back to that convo tbh LKDJFLKDFJFD.

But I’m good at pretending I’m closer to people than they think. I’m an excellent listener. A lot of my friends tended to rely on me as the person they could talk about their problems to. I used to do it much more back then but I also used to pour a lot of energy trying to make it easier for people, solving their problems. Full on Therapist Friend:tm:. It does help that, as I said with Tsumu, I have basis in psychology so sometimes some observations I can make help much more than expected. Just like Azu tbh lol.

Oh also I am cuddly with my friends in general. I’m super touch starved but also to the point I feel uncomfortable to seek hugs because I just don’t get any on a normal basis and my body isn’t used, but I’m super cuddly and when I’m with my closest friends I’m like a koala.

And it gives people the impression to people that I’m very close to them because I know them well, and I know the ins and outs of why they behave the way they do. But. I kinda feel like it’s one sided more than not. And it’s all because of me, because I keep my walls up very high and it means people don’t generally expect that I’m hiding things.

I’m good at distracting too. I don’t relate to how flirty Azuma is but I keep seeing it as him distracting others. It’s flattering, and just embarrassing enough that the person ends up dropping whatever they may be pressing on Azuma to talk about. And, while not with flirting, I do that a lot, especially using compliments like that. (That said my kindness or teasing has been misinterpreted as flirting before DLKFJDLKF I’m trying to be extra conscious about not having that misunderstanding happen nowadays but man it happened a lot).

Azuma knows a lot of people, and has been supporting a lot of people, but he doesn’t let people in as much.

And a lot of it is linked to his own sense of grief. Of the fact he has lost so much he can’t afford to go through the pain of losing something again, so he distances himself from it before it can hurt. And I do that a lot.

I mentioned in the previous rant but it’s seeing Azuma’s arc that made me understand how much it’s more grief than abandon that makes it so hard for me to move on. And a part of me kinda just. Grieves the family I could never have, the normal life I wish I could have lived and clang too all of my life. When Azuma told Guy “I was always so lonely. Everyone had families they could take for granted but I had no one.” Oh my god it destroyed me. And how he mentions just afterward that while he has new people to rely on, it couldn’t change the fact he was still feeling this pain of losing his family and it just. Man. Might be crying right now.

It’s like… I think the reason I especially related to that is that, in therapy I’ve often discussed my problems in the lenses of neglect and abandon but the problem with that lenses is that, at least with the therapists I had, they tend to focus on the fact that therefore I /must/ be still yearning for them to change and turn around, like I could change something. But I don’t. I was resigned at some point. And it’s really only when I read that that I felt this exact resignation I have been feeling all that time. I think I mentioned once how reading a3 felt like going one step toward recovery I didn’t know I could get and this was exactly the scene I meant. It legit took a weight off my heart that i've been carrying for decades. It was the strangest feeling in the world.

Anyway more in general too, on top of keeping people at distance, I am also a pro at “suddenly disappearing/ghosting when I get too close and/or have a relapse”. When Azuma starts to pull his relapses like we see in Nocturnality, I see myself. Legit had a friend who read a3 who called me out about that DLKJFDKLFJ. Acting weird like this, closing yourself in like this, coming back to some harmful coping mechanism as a way to connect back with your own self, those are all things I do. And it sucks. Like. The things I put my friends though sucks. But I really can’t help it sometimes.

I’m good at listening and observing, I’m generally good at picking up why people act a certain way, but I’m still very distant. I do everything I can to pretend I’m not distant and generally it fakes an idea of intimacy that I don’t specifically see as such.

And I see all of that in Azuma in ways that are terrifyingly relatable. Another thing Azuma says in this convo with Guy, about how “Everytime I would go to sleep, I would wish the morning would never come” me. Mood. Holy shit. Feel seen. I hate it. Just in general though the way he talks about morning as this terrifying thing is me. Between the night terrors and the fact morning genuinely makes me feel horrible, that’s kinda why I end up oversleeping until the afternoon DLKFJDF Azuma my lord I feel you.

Because of my nightly panic attacks I do try to come up with ways around it mainly by drinking some relaxing tisanes and stuff. Oh and I did have a huge period in life where I HATED being in the sun, and I fucked over all of my melanin because of that. as a kid I would tan very easily, but now the sun hates me as much as I used to hate it. So when Azuma is a drama queen about not wanting to stay in the UV too much I’m just like. How dare you pull out a mirror on me I didn’t ask for this. (also I have been called a vampire by people esp when I was a teen but that’s just how people called edgelords like me. Still. Reo my beloved.)

There is honestly so many little things with Azuma that reminds me of myself like this that it makes me go nuts. If Hisoka is who I relate to in term of specific trauma and how I cope personally, Azuma is more like, the direct physical impact of my trauma on me and the way it makes me relate to others people, as well as just every little behaviors here and there that are just so specific.

One of the only thing I really don’t relate to Azuma about is his love for Alcohol but I think if you replace it with like, my addiction to juice it works out the same.

Oh and, that’s a stupid but funny thing to me, I project hard on how much the reason he keeps his hair long is a form of mental stability for him, because I legit keep my hair long for my own mental stability. I have tied ways too much of my recovery process to my hair that when I see Azuma coping with grief with his hairstyle and how almost cutting it would be him spiraling down, I felt seen.

also i have 0 stamina just like him.

ANOTHER THING is also the fact Azuma is genuinely yearning for connections with people but he spent so much of his life keeping people away that as much as he’s yearning for it, it takes him so long to be able to lower those walls because he’s been so used to keep people away that he can’t reply to this yearning. And the way how, once he actually ends up feeling this bit of vulnerability toward people, he would suddenly shut in like it suddenly scares him? Mood.

One last thing (i promise) (i think) is that, if it wasn't obvious from all my ranting.... So much of myself and the way i view myself is defined by my trauma. I struggle to exactly come to term with my identity in any shape or form that isn't deeply related to my trauma. Even if you asked me what my sexuality is (please don't), my actual answer would be completely shaped by the fact i have so much trauma linked to sexuality, romance and gender, that i don't want to process it at all and can't actually manage to "fit the boxes" because i cannot see myself as something else than my trauma, or explain my feelings without linking it to my trauma. Honestly at times i find it kinda cringeworthy from me because i really, really can't tell about anything about my identity without thinking of my various traumas (i talked about a few of them in those rankings but it's not even the tip of the iceberg for a lot of stuff.) And when i see the way Azuma is in particular, maybe i'm projecting, but i feel like a lot of it is the same. Like not processing his age because if he does it reminds him of how he outlived those he loved (which is an headcanon but com'on.) or how even his hair is linked to his trauma. Or how he doesn't drive because it's linked to his trauma. I feel SO seen.

If it wasn’t for the fact he genuinely loved and was loved by his family, I would have felt exactly the same about everything regarding him.

But I still give him a full mark because the way Azuma’s arc has affected me is beyond any possible words I could use. And also because I legit wrote above 2100 words just on how much I related to Azuma ALONE. Even Hisoka took me 800 WORDS. HELLO. Guy: 6/10 Back to general coping here, Guy isn’t exactly relatable to me except in well. For exemple the ways the others relate to him, especially Hisoka and Azuma. So his memory loss to cope with intense family trauma is relatable to me, the way he can have nightmares and night terrors is also hella relatable to me.

But something that’s more Guy that I relate to is the whole “Step dad kept talking down on him and verbally abusing him until Guy basically completely closed himself in” because man. I won’t elaborate but I’ve really felt from reading that verbal abuse the same way I felt thinking back to how my ex-step dad used to talk to me. It made me so angry on his behalf. And the way he internalized it to cope was something deeply relatable.

Another thing with Guy is the fact that Guy did genuinely believes himself inhuman and tbh there was a time when I was very young where I would catch myself unable to feel a bit of humanity mostly from how I kept shutting myself in. (The reason I don’t relate to it with Homare is that this “inhumanity” was never actually there even if Homare did believe in it. But for Guy he went the extra mile convincing himself to the point where he denied this humanity as far as possible in a self destructive way and :/).

SO YEAH Winter is like. Therapy for me. The problem with “Trauma: The Troupe” is that saying “I relate to the Winter troupe” means “I may have problems and so what.” And it sucks.

if you read that wordvomit, congratulation, was it worth it?

Take care!

#closes eyes and pretends i didn't just type all of that for azuma ANYWAY #bows down thank you for indulging in my fav passion of 'therapy via a3' the more we go #ichafantalks a3 #pandapillow #ichareply #also man Risky Game is going to absolutly murder me isn't it.

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 5 years ago

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Hey Chekhov, I'm gonna say in advance that if this ask is too invasive and/or personal, please ignore it. I recently came out to my best friend(and myself) that I am nonbinary, and the thing that made me realize was that I had experienced pretty bad gender dysphoria when I was younger(w/o having a term to describe it). I am curious in your own experiences with dysphoria, whether you had any, how it was for you, etc.

Aight, I’m gonna put this under a cut because I’m sure no one else need to be reading through my life story (which is painfully boring):

Basically to get a few things out of the way immediately because I know there will be some people reading this looking to poke fun at me for it, so this first part is for you - to give you something to do with your time because I pity you:

I identify as agender, I consider myself to fall under the umbrella term ‘nonbinary’, and I have felt this way throughout basically... my whole life. (Granted, I also did not have words for this until I was in my late teens.)

I’ve used the word agender for myselg for about 10 years now, my views regarding my gender have not shifted - and I hate the presumption that there are ‘trans-trenders’ out there. I don’t personally believe that is a thing. I think exploring your gender feelings and your gender presentation and etc is super cool and an interesting thing to do.

I believe negotiating yourself socially with regards to your gender is actually quite healthy, so if you think it’s “just a call for attention” then we already disagree.

People want to be perceived in specific ways. That’s not a novel concept. Most people have an image of themselves they like to broadcast to the world. (Strong, smart, witty, friendly, a salesman, an artist, a feminine icon, etc.) This has been true for CENTURIES. It just so happens that now we can finally be more flexible in how we perceive gender without life threatening repercussions, so many more people are open to the idea of doing it.

I do not believe that one must have dysphoria to be trans/non-binary, although obviously many transgender people do. I believe the defining experience of identifying as trans is a GOAL of how you want to be perceived or how you want yourself to be defined in society, because - again - I believe gender is socially and culturally negotiated.

If you disagree with any of this - cool. You can send a message to my main tumblr @thechekhov and yell at me about it if that’s how you enjoy spending your time, but I cannot promise I’ll answer you because frankly I have hobbies and shit I enjoy doing, so I’ll probably be doing that instead.

And as an off-topic mention: I don’t personally identify as ‘trans’ (although many nonbinary people obviously do, and have every right to) and there’s a lot that goes into that but the bottom line is that I just don’t want to take up space in that community because I personally don’t want to ‘transition’ and that’s not a part of my identity in that big of a way.

But regardless of that:

To get to the meat of it (and get ready to be thoroughly disappointed if you’re carnivorous because I am the worst person to ask about this.)

I drew the lucky lottery ticket of genetics and scored well in two fields:

1) I’m white (bears mentioning, because people of color honestly get so much more shit for being nonbinary)

2) I’m naturally relatively slim and puberty kinda grazed me instead of hitting me head on. I never developed overt (publically visible) secondary sexual characteristics for my ‘assigned’ gender.

So by and by, I’m actually already WAY not the person to talk to about this because I got off easy and I’ve never actually had any big amounts of dysphoria. Other people had dysphoria FOR me (my grandmother lamented my androgyny on my behalf) - but I was always quite comfortable with my body.

It also has to be mentioned that I never actually actively cared about my body. I was briefly invested in fashion in high school, and through college experimented with fashion and various haircuts, but three out of the five days a week I literally do not look in the mirror before I go to work. And this has nothing to do with hating how I look - I just forget to. So... I suppose that says something about me. Not sure what. (My coworkers have never complained terribly about what I wear, so presumably I do a swell enough job of passing as a human being with functioning eyes).

That being said - when I dress to my assigned gender, I often get comments that kind of skim the borderline of “oh, finally, you’re normal for a change”. They’re always well-meant, but quite surprised, because I feel like people have come to expect me to dress a little weirdly.

And that isn’t to say I haven’t experienced disgruntlement with how I’m perceived. People often purposefully gender me at work - and that’s not a totally bad thing, and I don’t blame them for it. The country I live in has close to ZERO knowledge of non-binary identities, even WITHIN the local LGBTQA+ community, so I can’t expect others to know anything more. But I think my ability to not care about this spills over from my ability to not care about my appearance. It’s just a handy little personality trait - I am blissfully indifferent to what others think of me 90% of the time (as for the other 10%... well... we all have bad days. I’m not totally emotionless.)

Perhaps this will get me into hot water but - I’ve never once corrected a person about my own gender. I’ve been fully comfortable in it, and I am aware of it in my own head but as someone who has been in the closet about my bisexuality for over 10 years, I am not invested in risking social retaliation for the sake of something I know 90% of the people around me will not understand - or perhaps purposefully misunderstand.

If asked about it I’m rather forthright, and I make jokes about it with friends, but other than that I just kind of.... live my life. Whether or not I’m ‘clearly nonbinary’ to my peers is up for debate - I like to think I am, but like the metaphorical mirror that I avoid looking into, I never actually questioned any of my irl friends about how well I ‘pass’ or... don’t, I guess? But it’s not actually that important to me. I dress how I enjoy dressing, which is, I think, the most important thing (and it confuses the students a bit, they can’t gender me as successfully as adults can).

And that’s all I need, really.

Cheers.

#chekhov answers #nonbinary nb #enby #agender #Anonymous

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bronanlynch · 4 years ago

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bi-weekly update

it sure has been a wild time here and tbh I had enough to do one of these last week and just. didn’t?? for some reason?? anyway

listening: the Promare soundtrack went on sp*tify recently so I’ve been on Promare soundtrack lockdown over here. I know Kakusei is the iconic Promare song but Inferno (the opening song) always makes me tear up??? love to experience emotions about a movie in a reasonable and normal way. so anyway my standout track from the OST is Piromare because I am so very not immune to sad soft piano renditions of a motif that is usually triumphant/cheerful/etc

youtube

reading: I have, for once, read a bunch of books. I got a giftcard to my favorite local indie bookshop for Christmas and finally got around to using it to buy two books I’d been looking forward to, Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson (bi polyam Dracula retelling, kind of) and Winter’s Orbit by Everina Maxwell (gay arranged marriage space opera)

Dowry of Blood was very satisfying to me, someone who has lots of opinions about how vampires ought to be sexy and also terrifying, and I really enjoyed this specific take on vampire lore. also the formatting/pagination was really really cool and reminded me more of poetry books than prose usually does. for the first couple of pages there’s only text on one side of the page and then there’s one line on the back of a page and it hits really hard. extremely good and cool printing choices. would def recommend, but it is also explicitly an exploration of getting into and then out of an abusive relationship so. warnings for that in addition to the murder/blood warnings

also look at how sick this cover is (by Marlowe Lune, an artist whose work I really like in general)

I previously read Winter’s Orbit when it was on ao3 as an original work (called Course of Honour) and it was really cool to read a familiar story that I uh. read several times on ao3 but with added layers, because the author added a bunch of worldbuilding and an entire overarching higher-stakes political plot. I really really liked the added worldbuilding, and for the most part I enjoyed the new plot stuff, though at times I felt like it distracted from what I liked the most about the original, and there was one specific scene that was taken out that I was disappointed about. fave thing about the worldbuilding is when something is referred to by normal familiar words (like pigeons or bears) and then the actual thing is like, a fucking dinosaur that only vaguely resembles the word that’s used for it. very fun

also slightly mixed feelings about the framing of empire in the book, since there is some discussion about the consequences of imperialism and the resolution of the plot involves getting more rights and political sway for colonized planets. but the majority of the plot is about preserving an unjust status quo, and the representative of one of the colonized planets is working for the interests of the empire so that they can appear unified in the face of a larger-scale potential threat, which I’m not sure I love. and I also didn’t really care for the way the resistance movement (whenever it came up, which wasn’t often) was portrayed. so. on one hand yes there is a message of ‘empire bad and we should maybe try to be less Like That’ but on the other hand sometimes it did feel like the imperialism was an under-examined backdrop for a romance. like don’t get me wrong, I love the romance, I love the characters, it’s just that some of the politics didn’t quite do it for me and I think I just wanted More of things that just. weren’t the focus of the story

warnings for discussions of abusive relationships in this one, except this time it’s backstory for one of the characters, not something that’s present in the central relationship. and for all of the things that I wasn’t quite satisfied with, the parts of the book that are about like, learning how to be a person again after being in a situation where you’re not allowed to be yourself are still very well-handled and hit me real hard.

I also read a whole bunch of KJ Charles because sometimes all my brain can handle is marathoning romance novels, but I’m not gonna talk about all of them because this is already long enough (have not read the new one that came out today yet though that’s what I’m gonna do after this)

watching: Supernatural season 13 is incredibly boring and bad in ways that aren’t interesting or fun to talk about so I haven’t watched any recently. I did watch the first episode of Lupin, and really enjoyed it! will definitely watch more, though slowly because it takes too much of my brain to marathon it, partially because I know just enough French to almost not need the subtitles but having to read and also automatically trying to translate as I’m listening takes more brain energy. love a good heist though, and it has some good social commentary on race and class and crime

also the main character is very good. fucking superb you funky gentleman thief

playing: still making my way through the last mission of Knife of Dunwall. I made a bunch of progress since I whined at my friend about how hard it was and they told me to just stay in the building that has places to hide (the one you have to make your way through as Corvo, so I already know the layout, which helps lol) instead of the one that’s falling apart with nowhere to hide. who would have thought.

have also watched my roommate play lots of games and have thoughts on those too. Final Fantasy games (or at least the ones I’ve seen anything from, which is 7, 14, and 15) really appeal to me on a character/aesthetic/plot level but the gameplay looks like it would be bad for my brain. and yes all of those have very different gameplay but they would all be not fun for me in different ways. my roommate showed me like an hour of cutscenes from 14 last night that was basically a movie of tropes I love but holy shit I could never play a game where I have to wait for other people to be ready to also play the same part of the game before I can advance the plot

they’ve also been playing Persona 5 Scramble/Strikers (I don’t know which one the S stands for and at this point I’m too afraid to ask), which I do intend to play myself some day. it’s a sequel to Persona 5 with the same characters and damn they really nailed the feeling of seeing your friends again after not seeing them for a while, both in terms of. I care about these characters and am happy to see them again and also, they haven’t seen the protagonist in a while and they’re so happy he’s back and it makes me very soft. would love to reunite with friends whom I haven’t seen in a while

making: haven’t worked on cosplay but we did make some very tasty tortellini soup last weekend, and then last night we made fish & chips which was a lot easier than I was expecting and turned out pretty well? we just used frozen fries instead of like. frying them ourselves but we did make some very tasty lemon-garlic green beans

writing: well. I have a couple of things I’ve been noodling away at for a bit, and then a couple days ago I had a little bit of a breakdown and wrote 3000 words of angst in one sitting for an entire different new fic (Persona boys having a miserable time), and then yesterday decided to get in on a thing in The Untamed fandom of people writing short ““boring”“ domestic oneshots, and I love domesticity so I wrote one, which various reviewers have called “very sweet” and “a callout post” (it is both of those things)

I’m also organizing an event for P5 trans content because someone was shitty to one of my roommates over a trans headcanon and I got so pissed off that I’m running a prompt week now. love to have reasonable emotional reactions to things that happen in my life. why would I think about my actual problems when I could get petty and spiteful over someone saying that a fictional character couldn’t possibly be trans

#this one is real long i'm sorry #contains pictures of food under the readmore #tuesday no problem extended universe #dreaming.txt

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b1a4seeyou · 4 years ago

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Restoring Trusts (Sebastian x Farmer!OC)

Summary: Zera’s first day in Pelican Town!

Sidenote: The zine is finally out!! My piece to From Grandpa’s Farm zine!! It’s completely free so go ahead an check out other people’s works. Thanks to @lbzines for giving me this opportunity!! TwT

>> CLICK HERE TO THE ZINE <<

>> You can read it in AO3 too <<

The view of the blue sky with the rays of sunshine seeping through between the collided clouds as they hide the sun’s presence. The everyday morning view as she gazes up from the windowsill. Time to start the day! Pulling away the bed sheet while stretching her arms, Zera takes out a notebook from the drawers to check for today’s to-do list.

It has been two days since Zera’s arrival in Pelican Town. Inheriting her grandfather’s farm is still a challenge to her, but she will never say no to a challenge! Besides, taking a break from the city life is what she had always wished for, and the letter came just right on time.

“Thank you, Grandpa. You know your granddaughter way too well.” Hugging the letter to her chest, she whispered to herself, hoping her grandfather heard her appreciation.

Arriving at the farmhouse with no one to greet with is already lonesome, but the time to be independent has come, for she will decide her life and her alone! Tending a farm? No problem! Looking after animals? You got it! This is her grandfather’s treasure, and from the on, she will cherish it as much as her grandfather did.

After watering the crops and clearing out the debris and weeds around the area, she wipes the sweat from her forehead and checks out the tasks from her to-do list. Now for the last task for today. Ah, she almost forgot to meet some villagers she couldn’t meet on the first day! All that’s left is… As her fingers flip through the list, it stops at one name. The name of someone she had the difficulty to talk with, someone she couldn’t find the time to find him.

“Right. I still need to introduce myself to him. He lives with Robin, right? I can get some materials while I’m at it!”

Setting her task in check with determination, she dusts out her gloves and heads for Robin’s cabin.

Admiring the forest’s beauty on the hills while strolling to the destination, she never thought she wanted this in her life. The city life was too cramped for her fragile mindset. The bustling noises from the vehicles and people’s chatters. The continuous stresses from her workplace. The banters inside her family’s continuous issues.

She almost had enough and her motivation to live on slowly dropped. But now that she’s here, she has regained the sense of calmness she had been missing. The peaceful atmosphere from nature’s silence, the chilled air from the blown wind. Nature has never failed her with their ways to relieve her tensions. Oh she had wished this opportunity to come knocking on her door.

Now standing in front of Robin’s cabin, she quickly scans through her to-do list for the necessary materials before entering, greeted by a friendly woman standing behind the counter.

“Good morning, Zera! How’s the farm life treating you?” she asks while leaning against the counter.

“Pretty good, I guess. I’m still getting used to it but I’m getting there!” Looking at Robin with her determined expression made the woman chuckled with glee. Zera already sees Robin as a mother to her, still hoping her real mother could treat her as lovingly as Robin does.

From business talk to casual conversations, the two got along with their stories and jokes. Too absorbed with the conversation, Zera glances over her shoulder and spots a silhouette passing by her. “Ah, it’s him!” She found the person she was looking for and waved her hand to his direction, but no response other than a quick glare to her before descending to the basement.

“Oh,” she sighs disappointingly.

“I’m sorry about Sebastian, that’s just how he usually is,” Robin notices her feeling defeated and tries to comfort her, “I know you want to make friends with him, and I’m sure he appreciates it! He’ll open up to you.”

“Well, no pressure on forcing people so I understand.” As much as she smiles at Robin in hiding her sadness, the heavy feeling inside her chest weighs her mood down.

Even after leaving the cabin, her mind is filled with the thoughts of Sebastian’s glare on her. From what she heard from every villager she asked before, Sebastian gives cold shoulders to others a whole lot. He must have his reasons for his behavior, she understands that seeing strangers trying to be nice with you alerts danger bells inside your head. But to the entire village? What could have possibly happened for his hatred towards these people?

While wandering along the bridge to the beach in deep thought, a shake from a phone vibration awakened from her overthinking. Searching through her overall outfit and pulling out her phone, her expression darkened. “Dad...”

She really doesn’t have the mood to answer his call. She doesn’t want to get herself involved in her family’s issues anymore. But then again, what could possibly be the reason her father called her? Gulping away the lump inside her throat, her finger hesitantly hover over the green icon before sliding it to answer.

From a simple greeting, the father enthusiastically rambles about how the family is going and about his work on and on. Hearing how cheerful he sounded on the other end, maybe picking up the call wasn’t a bad idea. Well…. She hoped it was…. After a few minutes of ramblings, the father’s voice turns serious, anxiety scorching inside Zera’s body.

“Listen, the reason I called you… I want you to come back to the city.”

Zera gasps in surprise.

“I know, your grandfather gave you the inheritance to you. But you can just sell that place right? Make some money out of it! Why bother coming to a lowly countryside anyway?”

Zera becomes speechless. She can’t think of anything to reply back. Even the drizzling raindrops falling above her can’t bother her to move a muscle.

“Think about it! We really miss you, Zera. Come back to us, okay?”

Even after ending the conversation with those last words, she still can’t believe what she just heard. Selling her grandfather’s farm? The only possession he left behind after his passing? Her only getaway ticket?

The rain had gone heavier a while ago, but she doesn’t bother to seek shelter as she leans against the bridge railing in distress. With her palms covering her face, she doesn't know if she should cry or scream her feelings out. How could her father say that so casually about her grandfather? Didn’t they used to come by here for vacations? What made him say so lowly about the country life? Questions among questions come piling inside her mind, ensuing her anxieties burning inside.

That’s when, a voice she never heard of shocks her to face their way. Eyes widened, the person she’s been desperately trying to get along with is standing before her. Noticing his features are covered with his hoodie, the expressions he’s making clearly can’t be seen with the rainy weather accompanying it.

“What are you doing here?”

Sebastian sounds confused as he looks at her drenched figure. She quickly ruffles her wet hair from the excess water, even though it’s still pouring, and gives him her usual smile. Of course, there’s no response. Ah, maybe he really does hate her for coming to this town. She lowers her gaze to the river, staring at her glum reflection.

Just when she has surrendered herself to the rain, a presence hovers above her. An umbrella? Is this coming from…

“Here, you need this more than I do.”

He holds out the opened umbrella to Zera with his other hand stuffed into the jacket’s pocket. Hesitantly taking the umbrella, Sebastian leans against the bridge railings with her. While the two silently listen to the sound of the pouring rain, Zera wonders to start up a conversation with him. Trying to come up with a topic in mind, Sebastian has already come up with one.

“So, did something happen?”

Zera looks over to his side.

“You were standing in the rain with nothing to shelter yourself. Did the call hurt you or something?”

She can’t tell if he’s being nosy or being considerate, but maybe he is concerned from the tone of his voice.

“It’s nothing, really. Just family stuff.” She scoffs.

“Did you come here to escape from them?”

Now that shocked her. Well, he was standing on the other side of the bridge right after the call ended so he might have overheard the whole conversation. Well, she can’t hide it anymore. It must have been written on her face by now. She takes a deep breath and carefully lets out the hidden feelings inside her.

“I… guess you could say that. The city life isn’t my kind of lifestyle.”

“What kind of lifestyle do you want then?”

“You know, something quiet… Something I can do stuff by myself without no one pushing me to do it based on their specific way… ”

“And you picked this place? It’s not how you like it, that I can tell.”

“Well, at least you get more nature scenery here than the city. I like the countryside more.”

“If you like it so much, then why did you look depressed?”

Her eyes cast to the water. Should she say it? Should she tell him about the conversation?

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about it. I’m not as bad as what everyone said to you. I kept my word when I said so. Besides, you’re not gonna bottle it up, are you?”

He’s right. She shouldn’t bottle her unwanted feelings inside, she doesn’t want these guilty feelings to ruin her life in this village. No more hardened feelings. Time to let them out! As she takes a deep breath, she finally talks it out about what happened. The sudden force of dragging her to come home. The sudden look down to the countryside life. Her overthinking of which side she should take. To the very end, she told him. To the very end, she looked over his way to see his reaction about this matter.

To see him listening to her intently, she wonders. Is this the first time they ever talked this long? Is this actual progress on getting his friendship flag up? Even after telling the full story, her mind wanders on how he would respond.

“So, you’re saying you want to stay here more than living in that cramped place right? Then why are you so worked up about? Tell him you like staying here. Tell him you rather have a life of your own since you’re a grown up now.”

She nods in agreement. He has a point. She has to stand up for her own decisions or this won’t go anywhere. She’ll give her answer once she’s ready. Now with her mind cleared from worries, another comes into thought. She finally gets to talk with Sebastian! Her final checklist has crossed out. But of course, she’s not gonna end there. She still wonders as to why he tried to help sorting her personal problems. Now that she still has her chance, she asked what was on her mind.

Even though her question surprised him, he scoffs a little and says, “I… kind of relate to your situation, for some reason.”

“Oh? How so?“

“I’m not telling.” His heart bar isn’t full enough? Sounds fair. They only just started talking anyway.

Zera chuckles a little before facing him. “Alright. But thanks for your help.”

She extends her hand to Sebastian, inviting him for a handshake. Even though it’s awkward for his side, he shakes it anyway and nods.

“By the way, I don’t know if you’ve heard of me by now, but I’m Zera. I hope we can get along from now.” She smiles, now with her cheerful self.

“Sure. Let’s get along then.”

#Eunhwa writes #Stardew Valley #Sebastian #YEEEAAAAA OC CONTENT!!!!#My OCs #Zera Dalton

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