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thesunsethour · 11 months ago

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my official ranking of (basically) every song by hozier

(ignoring some collabs/songs from soundtracks etc)

(this is just my opinion no one shout at me)

(he has no Bad songs, only Less Brilliant ones)

52) To Noise Making (Sing) (the sing chorus at the end goes on just *that* bit too long

51) Sunlight (slightly repetitive)

50) Nobody (maybe this is controversial? does however contain one of my favourite lyrics “it’s suicide Tuesday back in LA”)

49) Sedated (the lowest ranked song of his self titled album and it’s not because it’s not good it’s because his discography is fucking insane)

48) Someone New (only ranked this low because it was very overplayed in Ireland when it came out)

47) Almost (Sweet Music) (this was never my favourite song but who can resist “i laugh like me again she laughs like you”)

46) Son of Nyx (hozier made the best study music song of all time)

45) Wasteland, Baby! (sounds exactly like the album feels, if that makes sense?)

44) Swan Upon Leda (would be higher but i keep accidentally forgetting to add it to my playlist because it’s not on an album. also Free Palestine)

43) Better Love (hozier’s voice is so beautiful)

42) Dinner & Diatribes (ever since someone said he sounds like Count von Count in this song i can’t un-hear it)

41) It Will Come Back (so sexy. one of the sexiest songs in his oeuvre)

40) NFWMB (an under appreciated classic. i remember playing this in the car when my dad was dropping our friend’s kid to school and getting in trouble for the cursing)

39) The Parting Glass - Live from The Late Late Show (not only a beautiful rendition, but it was also performed during covid when everyone was feeling very hopeless and he just captivated ireland for a few short moments. gorgeous)

38) Anything But (we are reaching the territory of songs that are so goddamned good that it feels a crime they are so low down. he has dozens of such songs)

37) In the Woods Somewhere (eerie vibes which are beautiful and exacerbated when you find out he based this on a dream he had)

36) To Be Alone (again, CRIMINAL that this is so low down. blame hozier having so many good songs. don’t blame me)

35) Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene (a bop AND a banger AND a jam. triple threat)

34) Damage Gets Done (their voices are soooo beautiful together)

33) Be (“When Atlas acts the maggot” is one of Hozier’s best Irish culture lines)

32) The Jackboot Jump - Live (BUT THE JACKBOOT ONLY JUMPS DOWN ON PEOPLE STANDING UP!!!)

31) Shrike (this song made me cry when i first heard it and i am Not one to cry)

30) To Someone From a Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe) (GAEILGE MENTION!!!!)

29) Jackie and Wilson (one of my first ever favourite hozier songs)

28) Talk (i love the myth of orpheus and eurydice and i ALSO imagine being loved by hozier)

27) Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue) (blowjobs)

26) Eat Your Young (hozier wrote this for all first year trinity students who had to read Swift for their intro to irish writing lectures)

25) All Things End (don’t be sad. we begin again :). hozier said so)

24) I, Carrion (Icarian) (soft, sad, beautiful. like hozier)

23) Nina Cried Power (feat. Mavis Staples) (also very overplayed in Ireland but this time it really deserved it!!)

22) Cherry Wine - Live (one of the most beautiful and recognisable guitar bits of all time. yes i said guitar bits i don’t know anything about guitars)

21) As It Was (the drug the dark the light the flame…)

20) First Time (“anyway”)

19) Who We Are (makes me feel like my chest is being lifted to god)

18) No Plan (“As Mack explained, there will be darkness again” is one of the all-time great Hozier lyrics actually)

17) Would That I (it’s illegal for anyone to dislike this song)

16) De Selby (Part 2) (he wants to run against the world that’s turning!! he moves so fast that he’d outpace the dawn!!)

15) De Selby (Part 1) (AN ENTIRE VERSE AS GAEILGE)

14) Like Real People Do (once again, how is this so low? hozier is too good. “we should just kiss like real people do” lyrics of all time)

13) Butchered Tongue (i wrote an entire essay post about this song. with citations)

12) From Eden (time has maybe made us forget just how fucking insanely good this song is. IDEALISM SITS IN PRISON CHIVALRY FELL ON HIS SWORD INNOCENCE DIED SCREAMING. also reminds me of verse 2 of Human by The Killers)

11) Work Song (WHEN MY TIME COMES AROUND LAY ME GENTLY IN THE COLD DARK EARTH. NO GRAVE CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN. I’LL CRAWL HOME TO HER. also special mention for: “in the low lamp light i was free” aka the name of one of my criminal minds fanfics. moving on)

10) Run (SOOOOO underrated. literally rare is this love keep it covered! run to me run to me lover! run until you feel your lungs bleeding!)

9) Movement (i played this song every day on repeat for 2 months when i was 17)

8) Arsonist’s Lullabye (wario of better love. don’t ask me how or why)

7) In a Week (feat. Karen Cowley) (the most gorgeous beautiful song of all time their voices are perfect for each other - I’D BE HOME WITH YOU)

6) First Light (BUT AFTER THIS IM NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME!!! AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!)

5) Francesca (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. URGAAAHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I’D TELL THEM PUT ME BACK IN IT!!!!!! DARLING I WOULD DO IT AGAIN!!!!!! IF I COULD HOLD YOU FOR A MINUTE!!!!! DARLING I’D GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

4) Unknown / Nth (DO YOU KNOWWWWW I COULD BREAK BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THE GOODNESS LOVE I STILL CARRY FOR YOU!!!! he had no right to sing this. and as beautifully as he does. makes me cry. sha-la-la)

3) Abstract (Psychopomp) (this wasn’t originally my favourite when i first listened to Unreal Unearth has grown on my heart and will not let go. did you know the memory hurts but does me no harm. and did you SEE HOW IT SHINESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2) Take Me To Church (this being his debut single. DEBUT. SINGLE. no one else was doing it like him. the vocals the lyrics god the beautiful lyrics the MUSIC VIDEO!!!! ireland’s best living artist.)

1) Foreigner’s God (my favourite song of all time. no notes. utterly perfect in every way.)

#hozier #these are my OPINIONS no one ARGUE WITH ME #this took me an hour and a half i’m very sleepy now #sorry for any spelling mistakes it’s 00:42

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kleoyeager78 · 2 months ago

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10 things I hate about you | 19

It was 9pm and I was sitting in bed eating dinner and watching Hulu, I got a text but I quickly swiped it away and continued to watch my show assuming it was one of those spam messages,

After the episode finished and I was done eating I closed Hulu and just began to scroll through my phone. I was thinking about texting Annie but I also just wanted to avoid her for now since thinking back to my scene earlier today I was embarrassed as hell.

I scrolled through my notifications and noticed the text message once again,

‘Hey y/n, this is Reiner.’

I looked at the message sent almost half an hour ago and was shocked, confused and curious.

I decided to send a text back,

‘Hi?’

He almost immediately replied.

‘So I was wondering if you’d go bowling with me?’

Before I even finished reading he texted me again,

‘Bert’s going to be there and you can bring Annie or anyone you want!’

I could literally sense the awkwardness through the screen. I sigh swiping out of the text message, I was debating whether I should call Annie and ask her to come after everything that happened I wasn’t sure though but if I couldn’t get Annie to come with me then I definitely wasn’t gonna go. It’s not like I thought Reiner was a bad guy but going out with a man alone, not to mention he was clearly interested in me was a no.

I decided to put my pride aside and ask Annie because I hated leaving people on read so I wanted to give Reiner a direct answer,

‘Bowling?’ Was all I texted to her,

‘When?’ She replied making we swipe out of the text and text Reiner

‘When?’ I texted

‘Saturday night! Like 7-8?’ He replied and I sighed going to text Annie,

‘7:30 Saturday’ I texted annie

‘Am I your ride?’ She asked me

‘Potentially’ I texted

‘Okay whatever let me know’ she texted

I texted Reiner back ‘yes’

‘See you tomorrow!’ He texted and I just went to sleep after that

I woke up to a text from Annie,

‘Can we talk,seriously’

When I saw the text I kinda got scared. I really didn’t want to but after everything she’s done for me I felt like I owed her.

‘Okay.’ I replied.

‘I’m on the way’ she texted back only a few seconds later. My anxiety started to build up.

I got out of bed and brushed my teeth, washed my face and put on clothes since my pjs had holes in them from being too old. “I really need to buy new clothes” I said to myself looking at the huge holes in my shirt.

‘I’m outside’ Annie texted

I headed outside to her and got in her car. She waited until I fully got in to drive. “We can talk at my house, my dads not home” we pull up in her driveway and Annie gets out of the car quickly, I take a deep breath before getting out of the car.

Annie’s already waiting on me with her front door opened, I mentally was not ready for any of this but I stepped inside anyways. “Are we going to your room?” she nodded and I headed to her room as she locked the door. It didn’t take her long to get to the room, “so what did you want to talk about?” I was extremely nervous and hated the silence.

“I want you to tell me everything, y/n. I’m tired of having to hear about your life from everyone else”

“I know and I’m sorry” I wanted to put my head down, to curl up into a ball and weep, to literally just run out of the room and come back with a different personality, one suitable for confrontation. But I couldn't. I knew I had to talk to Annie and be genuine.

“So tell me” she demanded impatiently

I sighed

A/n ~ Hi so chapter 19 will have 2 parts but I know that I’m slow and didn’t want to keep y’all waiting any longer since I promised I would have y’all a chapter by the end of summer and today was the first day of fall for me so 🥴 (I’m a day late sry) anyways yeah I’m working on it I just got to get back in the flow and oh my gosh my old writing is awful and I have to write like that to make it all blend 🤧 but hopefully bc I’m done with this chapter I can start improving and making stuff better for y’all!

#aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot x y/n #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #bully!eren #eren x y/n #eren x reader

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lorekeeper-backset · 9 months ago

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You know what, here, have my "Why I love ORAS" essay I wrote for Playwriting class. Presenting:

How Pokemon Rotted my Brain (In a Good Way)

I’ve always been a fan of video games. Ever since I was really little and watching my dad play games I was too young to play on his Playstation 2 or XBox 360, and then later when I was playing games like Lego Star Wars and Lego Batman on those same systems and later ones like the Playstation 3. But there’s one system, and one game, that have stuck with me to this very day. Not just in a metaphorical sense, in a literal sense.

To call the Nintendo 2DS a toy would be inaccurate. Such a complex device of computational power, all that fun and joy packed into that little tiny system. No, it was much, much more than a toy. It was, and still is, my most prized possession.

I don’t remember when I received it. I remember that before I got it I would play 3DS games on my Dad’s 3DS and that when I got it, I used my own money to pay for it and that I got it instead of the 3DS because it was 30 dollars cheaper and they played the same games (for reference, a 2DS is the same system as the 3DS without the 3D function).

There are many games I played on that 2DS, almost all of them near and dear to me. Kirby Triple Deluxe, Kirby Planet Robobot (a personal favorite of mine), Pokemon Y, Kid Icarus Uprising, and many others. But one particular game has endured with me to this day. A game I’ve replayed time and time again, Pokemon Alpha Sapphire, released in 2014.

While my introduction to the Pokemon franchise was Pokemon Y, the game that made me love it was Alpha Sapphire. Along with its counterpart, Pokemon Omega Ruby, Pokemon Alpha Sapphire served as a remake of the Generation 3 games Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire (released in 2003 in Japan and 2004 in US). Pokemon Alpha Sapphire took me on an incredible Journey through the Tropical Hoenn Region, collecting Gym Badges and putting a stop to the evil machinations of Team Aqua.

Particularly close to my heart, is the story. I’m sure a lot of you are quietly scoffing at the idea of a Pokemon Game having an engaging story. Especially a remake of Ruby and Sapphire whose main antagonists’ goals are famously “Expand the Land” and “Expand the Ocean” respectively. And if you’re one of those people who’s scoffing all I have to say is, go play Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire (or any Pokemon game post Gen 3, really) or, if you’ve already played them, replay them and pay close attention.

If you do, you’ll get to experience the tale of a man whose given up on humanity to the point where he’s determined the only way to fix things is to start over. The story of a man whose dedication to humanity’s progress means he is willing to endanger the world to provide more land to live on and try to fix overpopulation. The woes of a man who had power and riches but is crushed beneath the burden of responsibility which he refuses to share or pass off to another, attempting to carry it all alone, even when he would rather be pursuing his true passion for geology. The tragic tale of a woman who was raised for one purpose, one sole reason to exist, but whose destiny ultimately passed her by. And many more.

When I first played it I didn’t quite absorb all this, being 10 years old, but now, many years later, the story and characters of this game impact me deeply. They influence the stories I tell, and the characters I write. I even write my own stories about them, continuing their character arcs or retelling their stories in my own way. So, yeah, Pokemon Alpha Sapphire, the best Pokemon game, I’m not taking criticism.

#backset blabbers #pokemon #pokemon oras

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isekai-crow · 10 months ago

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Fluffy Paradise / Isekai de Mofumofu Nadenade suru Tame ni Ganbattemasu Episode 1

Overall Score so far: 6/10

This was a cute fluffy introduction almost deserving of it's name.

To sum it up: Lady dies and is Reborn with the power of MOFUMOFU NADENADE / Fuffy Petting, in exchange for what will probably end up being her attempts at erradicating slavery and prejudice against the Furry Community.

Fluffy Animal Count: 2+

We got a lovely fluffy pupper who is our MC's companion, a giant fluffy Sky Tiger which is a super special rare pet of one of the princes (because of course), and... not much else yet apart from random forest animals. That dragon sure ain't fluffy.

The animation itself has some wonky faces and obviously doesn't have a big budget, but they sure do know how to make animals looks super fluffy! I want to mofumofu nadenade toooooo

The plot is... meh so far.

Episode 1 Spoilers/Review Below

It starts out with your typical Isekai death, not Truck Kun but Karoushi/Death from Over Working. Unfortunately, the way it played out was boring and typical of the genre, in the sense that I shouted "THAT'S NOT HOW KAROUSHI WORKS YO" while it was happening, lol.

Shiney Isekai Lights happen, and she gets to speak with god!!

Whose like: I can't change the way you (will?) die but if you help me, I'll let you be reborn with special powers! (WHICH MEANS SHE'S GOING TO DIE FROM OVERWORK AGAIN?? or does it just mean she can't go back to her old body??)

and suddenly she has a happy and rich Ducal family looking down on her and using magic to bestow her with her new name, Nefertina. Jump cut to her 3rd birthday, and her loving family giving her gifts and playing with her and showing off the forest animals treating her like a Disney princess, and her dog that has Spy x Family Bond level intelligence.

Then one day her mother has to go to the palace for work, and everyone else in the family is at school or at work themselves. Mom can't leave her alone and wonders what to do.

Question 1: WHERE ARE THE SERVANTS, THE MAIDS, THE WET NURSE THE CHILD OF A DUKE WOULD ABSOLUTELY HAVE???

Mom says she can't leave Nefertina alone, takes her with her to the palace, and then PROCEEDS TO LEAVE A 3 YEAR OLD ALONE ON A SOFA IN A HALLWAY WITH NOTHING TO DO.

Said 3 year old proceeds to jump out the window, and wander off into the palace forest/garden. YOU SHOULDA JUST LEFT HER WITH THE DOG, MOM. What did you THINK would happen.

AND WHERE ARE ALL THE PALACE SERVANTS???

I get this is a low budget show, but surely they can pay for servants??

Of course this is all just a setup to have her meet the (13 year old?) prince and his Sky tiger, and of course she doesn't realize he's the prince and they banter in a way that makes me really hope that this is not a love interest for future Nefertina, at least not until much further in the future. (Please let him take on a big brother/care taker role, p l e a s e)

Skip to mom and dad's scolding, then skip to Parent Observation Day at Magic School!

The test for how to direct soldiers was actually really cool! Use magic and vocal commands to direct miniature soldier dolls. Of course Big Bro defeats the big bully despite his underdog position.

Cut to Big Sis's test, where she has to use magic to subdue a summoned monster. But OH NO (fake scream) a RED DRAGON has appeared!! How could this have happened?? (/s so hard)

Small Child Nefertina is somehow able to JUMP THE RAMP AGAIN (and be saved by what was likely the Sky Tiger's magic?) and then NONE OF THE SOLDIERS STOP HER as she runs FASTER than all of them, and stands in front of them to say STOP DONT HURT IT.

The lack of explanation for why she does this is a bit more annoying than enticing, but hopefully that will be explained in the next episode. Can she read animal minds or their vibes or something??

It's also the first act that a 3 year old wouldn't be capable of, and finally shows that there is a 30 year old in there.

Until this last act of hers, the story didn't feel like it needed to be an isekai. It could legit just be a cute fluffy fantasy with an actual 3 year old.

This is actually my biggest gripe so far that might affect whether I keep watching or drop it part way. Personally, I love the Isekai trope and power fantasy of an adult reborn in a child's body with all their memories intact, whose able to use their smarts and life experiences to position themselves favorably in their new world, and work their way up from an "early" age. However, even though she is 27 mentally when she gets isekai'd, she acts nothing like an adult, nor even an adult trying to hide that she's a 30 year old mentally in a 3-year-old's body.

Maybe we will get more "adult thinking" shenanigans in future episodes, but if not, I hope it goes the way of 「By the Grace of the Gods」 which has a similar premise, except the gods who isekai protag-kun also slowly let his memories regress and turn him into an actual child over an extended period, so he can re-experience life without his terrible past lingering.

VVVVV Highly Recommend!! VVVVV

Notable Voice Actors!

Nefertina is Kakuma, Ai, who plays Eris from Mushoku Tensei and Lenalee from D. Gray Man! Not a huge name in the VA world, but a very cute voice.

Big Brother Ralph Osfe is Umeda, Shuuichirou who also plays Akira Tendo from Zom 100!! He's also not a big name, but feels like an up and coming kind of voice, and I immediately recognized his voice as something I'd watched recently (Zom 100)

Everyone else seems to be up and coming or small time VAs whom I don't recognize. Some good voices though!

Overall Score so far: 6/10

It's barely holding on, and with the number of other shows I'm watching, there is a chance I might drop it. It's a lovely potato chip though. Or maybe fluffy mashed potatoes? hahaha

ep2 ep3 ep4 ep5 ep6 <- these will eventually become links

#fluffy paradise #isekai de mofumofu nadenade suru tame ni ganbattemasu #mofu mofu nade nade #異世界でもふもふなでなでするたみに頑張ってます。#anime winter 2024

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lichtecht · 1 year ago

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translation for @is-this-taken-too-questionmark. here you go

translated parts are in bold

something something ALMOST.

they were ALMOST something and then it was ripped away from them and they were torn apart and they lost each other.

they still wear the rings they exchanged, 30 years later.

when people notice it and ask if they’re married or ask about their wife or something like that, they always play it off and say it’s a sentimental thing, a gift from an old friend. something like that

they still wear the rings they exchanged, when they were so young, so much younger than they are now, and maybe it’s too late? maybe all those years DIDN'T go by without trace, maybe everything is different now, maybe everything has changed and he doesn’t feel the same as he felt all those years ago?

but he’s still wearing the ring.

both of them are still wearing the ring.

(something something THE LOVE IS STILL THERE SYMBOLIZED BY THE RINGS THEY GAVE EACH OTHER AS A PROMISE WHEN THAT WAS ALL THEY COULD DO, THERE WAS SO MUCH UNSAID BUT THEY GAVE EACH OTHER A SILENT PROMISE-

wait. something something johnny/martin, after they get justus and the nichtraucher together, at the fence- where they shake hands and give each other a silent promise, a promise that can’t be put into words.

((note: i was quoting the book here, idk how the actual words are in the english edition))

OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE PARALLELS

something something justus/nichtraucher / johnny/martin parallels

i never really noticed that before someone pointed out that was apparently what they were going for in the 2003 film??

but oh my god what if parallels…

i need to think about this some more.

if martin is like justus, then johnny is like the nichtraucher

martin / justus parallels is obvious, martin chose justus as his idol ((note: eeeergh idol kind of has different connotations but i can’t find a better word ://)) and something something „der justus is everyone’s dad but especially martins and the nichtraucher is everyone’s dad but especially johnnys“ (von @is-this-taken-too-questionmark)

where was i going

right

but just imagine

der justus und der nichtraucher meet again and it’s like in the book because the book is superior which i also like because it’s so open ended. it’s so intimate. they reunite and martin and johnny immediately know to give them their space.

i also like that it was just a martin/johnny thing to plan that. in all the adaptations i’ve watched they take the whole gang with them and everyone watches.

meanwhile in the book it’s so private and intimate (like i said)

i’m just saying when you consider every adaptation the version where it made the most sense for them to kiss would be the book. because they were alone. no one else around. and we leave so anything could have happened really

i imagine it like

they spent quite some time catching up. crying probably. maybe not talking about feelings yet cause. you know. they just found each other again after decades. don’t wanna ruin that.

but both of them notice the ring is still on the others hand. and they don’t bring it up because „well, i don’t want to jump to conclusions. that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. i’d better not get my hopes up.“ but they both steal little glances at it while they sit in the train wagon and talk and drink tea.

and then they go out?

i don’t fully remember how it went, i really need to reread.

but they go out. just to the [casual word for restaurant] the nichtraucher plays at. just as friends, of course. just as friends. even if there was something more it’d be way too dangerous in 1930s germany.

(ohh unrelated but i just remembered the scene in the 1954 film, where they have a snow ball fight on their way home… do they talk about the mailbox that’s still in the same spot in the book too? is that canon or did i make that up?)

either way!!

the rings symbolize the silent promise. parallels to the silent promise between johnny and martin. that they’re still wearing the rings after all those years is a symbol for how they’re still searching/waiting/longing/can’t forget each other etc -> that they still love eachother!!

but i’m also thinking now that a ring like that might be a good cover for a queer person at a time like that. a wedding ring that he never takes off and who’s story he doesn’t want to talk about? oh, he lost his wife, the poor guy… (i mean, the nichtraucher did)

(that’s also something i need to think about. you know the nichtraucher was married. his wife died in childbirth, if i remember correctly. and the nichtraucher was so shattered after that that he disappeared. (where to actually? i need to reread…)

justus was also shattered.

the only question is how my „married for 30 years“ would fit into that.

not really at all probably.

the nichtraucher was married. he loved his wife (bi king). there was something with johann, but he'd rather not think about that. johann was a little bit heartbroken deep inside. but he loved his friend more than he cared about his own heartache (bc i’m a sucker for this painful yearning/pining shit >:3)

years and decades later. robert returns to the town, not knowing that johann was right there.

(did they seriously just live in the same town for years probably and never notice??)

maybe robert returned because he felt the ache too. he missed johann. and so, maybe subconsciously, maybe intentionally, he returns to the town they both went to school together.

and he’s happy in his little train wagon. he befriends the kids from the boarding school (man, now i wanna write about how the boys and the nichtraucher became friends…). this is basically all in the book.

johann stayed in this town. (is that book accurate. check!!)

on one hand, because of his job as a teacher. you know the story. you know why that was important to him. but maybe (just maybe) he also stayed for robert? maybe he hoped they would both find their way back here after all those years?

(and they did!!)

ok thinking about people’s reactions to the ring again….

justus never married. (he’s gay)

((side note that has nothing to do with the translation but; „eheuntauglich“.*))

and the nichtraucher is too isolated for people to ask about the ring very often. the boys ask him about it once when they visit him. and the nichtraucher tells them it’s a memory of an old friend that he lost. maybe he even says it’s from a lost love?! keeping it genderneutral and ambiguous.

[„oh. i this ring from a lost love a long time ago. i just can’t part with it.“]

don’t know what the justus would say.

maybe one of the boys asks him sometime: „you know, dr bökh. i just wanted to ask - why do you wear a ring if you’re not married?“

((note: it is so weird to have this sentence without the formal you))

no idea how justus would reply. he answers with a warm smile and says something like „this ring is a promise i made a long time ago.“

(side note: potential shipname; justraucher (lmao))

maybe martin and johnny figure it out again because they notice how the stories fit together

okay!! back on point!!

maybe it makes more sense in a 2003 movie way?

young 17-year old bob und johann in the 60s.

they give each other a promise, although they never quite kiss. and that promise is kept, even when bob runs away and leaves johann with everything in his wake.

and sometimes johann is really angry at robert. for leaving him like that. and he thinks about taking off the ring- but then he doesn’t.

he’s not really mad at robert anyways. he understands why he did what he did. they know each other too well. and, really, he misses him more than anything else.

especially when he looks at the ring. but despite -or because- of it, the ring stays. it’s everything he has left of bob, after all.

even if his heart has been broken - he still has that promise. he still has it. on his finger. day and night.

the point is that he got his heart broken. that’s why he gets so upset when the kids come to him with the „flying classroom“ - it opens up old wounds. but maybe that’s a good thing…?

„i’d like to know what’s going on too, by the way.“ kathrin says softly when the kids are standing in his office.

and while he’s telling the whole story -ok, half of it. some things he just can’t share- kathrins gaze wanders to the ring on his hand and understanding washes over her face.

(the ring that is the reason why he didn’t want to put a wedding ring for kathrin on his finger. wait, what if johann/nichtraucher/kathrin and johann has not just two hands but two rings as well)

and when they meet again and johann sees that robert is still wearing the ring after all those years as well- it is a second promise. a promise that the first one will never be broken.

(and yes of course they kiss. and no, the kids aren’t there, because these men deserve some privacy goddamn)

ok i think i’m done for now

how many words were that

NOPE ANOTHER!!

»something between exes and old friends and former lovers and „married for 30 years“«

meaning:

exes : there was something back then. like there actually *was* something, not an almost. or maybe an almost? there are a lot of almosts. that’s why i’m saying „something between“

old friends : think canon. book canon. old friend.

former lovers : kinda like exes but the implications are less bitterness and more heartache because they were torn apart instead of willfully leaving.

married for 30 years : that dynamic, like they’ve known each other for a lifetime. it feels so natural, despite having been apart for 30 years.

(imagine; (not necessarily justus/nichtraucher, maybe reddie, but i’m talking about justraucher here.

when they can finally get married at like 50 or 60; „well technically you have to add the years we were apart! we gave each other a promise, we even have rings.“ (oh my god what if they used the VERY SAME RINGS if they got married) (i’m not too much of a marriage fic fan but i could make an exception if this is good))

*i'm gonna put that into an extra post or an extra reblog or something. this is getting too long

this is a continuation of my thoughts from this post about justus & den nichtraucher + „married for 30 years“

i did write it at 1am and it is a whole garbled mix of english and german, but that’s how my brain works and i don’t think it conveys the same point if i try to translate it. sorry :(

something something ALMOST.

they were ALMOST something and then it was ripped away from them and they were torn apart and they lost each other.

they still wear the rings they exchanged, 30 years later.

when people notice it and ask if they’re married or ask about their wife or something like that, they always play it off and say it’s a sentimental thing, ein geschenk von einem alten bekannten. sowas in der art

but he’s still wearing the ring.

both of them are still wearing the ring.

wait. something something johnny/martin, nachdem sie den justus und den nichtraucher zusammenbringen, am zaun - wo sie sich die hand geben und ein stummes versprechen, dass sich mit worten gar nicht ausdrücken lässt.

OH MEIN GOTT WHAT IF THE PARALLELS

something something justus/nichtraucher & johnny/martin parallels

i never really noticed that before someone pointed out that was apparently what they were going for in the 2003 film??

but oh my god what if parallels…

i need to think about this some more.

wenn martin wie der justus ist, dann ist johnny wie der nichtraucher

martin / justus parallels ist klar, martin hat sich den justus als vorbild genommen

und something something „der justus is everyone’s dad but especially martins and the nichtraucher is everyone’s dad but especially johnnys“ (von @is-this-taken-too-questionmark)

where was i going

right

but just imagine

i also like that it was just a martin/johnny thing to plan that. in all the adaptations i’ve watched they take the whole gang with them and everyone watches.

meanwhile in the book it’s so private and intimate (like i said)

i imagine it like

they spent quite some time catching up. crying probably. maybe not talking about feelings yet cause. you know. they just found each other again after decades. don’t wanna ruin that.

but both of them notice the ring is still on the others hand. and they don’t bring it up because „well, ich will nichts überstürzen. das muss ja gar nichts bedeuten. i’d better not get my hopes up.“ but they both steal little glances at it while they sit in the eisenbahnwaggon and talk and drink tea.

and then they go out?

i don’t fully remember how it went, i really need to reread.

but they go out. just to the lokal the nichtraucher plays at. just as friends, of course. just as friends. even if there was something more it’d be way too dangerous in 1930s germany.

(ohh unrelated aber an dieser stelle fällt mir die szene aus dem 1954 film ein, wo die beiden auf dem nachhauseweg eine schneeballschlacht machen… unterhalten die sich im buch auch über den briefkasten, der da immer noch steht? ist das canon oder hab ich mir das ausgedacht?)

jedenfalls!!

die ringe symbolisieren das stumme versprechen. parallels to the silent promise between johnny and martin.

dass sie die ringe nach all den jahren noch tragen ist das symbol dafür, dass sie immer noch nacheinander suchen/aufeinander warten/sich nacheinander sehnen/einander nicht vergessen können etc. -> dass sie sich immer noch lieben!!

ich denk aber grad auch, so ein ring wär vielleicht sogar ein gutes cover für einen queeren menschen zu dieser zeit? ein ehering, den er nie abnimmt und über dessen geschichte er nicht reden will? oh, der ärmste hat seine frau verloren… (hat der nichtraucher ja auch)

(da muss ich auch überlegen. der nichtraucher war ja verheiratet. die frau ist bei der geburt gestorben, wenn ich mich recht erinnere. und danach war der nichtraucher so am boden zerstört, dass er verschwunden ist. (wohin eigentlich? ich muss rereaden…)

der justus war ebenfalls am boden zerstört.

fragt sich nur, wie mein „married for 30 years“ da reinpassen würde.

wahrscheinlich gar nicht so wirklich.

der nichtraucher war verheiratet. er liebte seine frau. (bi king.) da war schon irgendwie was mit johann, aber darüber hat er lieber nicht nachgedacht. johann was a little bit heartbroken deep inside. but he loved his friend more than he cared about his own heartache (bc i’m a sucker for this painful yearning/pining shit >:3)

years and decades later. robert returns to the town, not knowing that johann was right there.

(did they seriously just live in the same town for years probably and never notice??)

maybe robert returned because he felt the ache too. he missed johann. and so, maybe subconsciously, maybe intentionally, he returns to the town they both went to school together.

and he’s happy in his little eisenbahnwaggon. he befriends the kids from the internat (man, now i wanna write about how the boys and the nichtraucher became friends…). this is basically all in the book.

johann stayed in this town. (is that book accurate. check!!)

(and they did!!)

ok thinking about people’s reactions to the ring again….

der justus ist unverheiratet. (er ist schwul)

und der nichtraucher ist zu isoliert, als dass leute oft nach dem ring fragen würden. die jungs fragen einmal, als sie zu besuch sind. und der nichtraucher erzählt, das sei ein andenken an einen alten freund, den er verloren habe. oder vielleicht sagt er sogar, er ist von einer verlorenen liebe?! keeping it genderneutral and ambiguous.

[„ach. diesen ring habe ich vor langer zeit von einer verlorenen liebe bekommen. ich kann mich einfach nicht davon trennen.“]

don’t know what the justus would say. vielleicht fragt ihn einer der jungs irgendwann: „sagen sie mal, dr bökh. ich wollte sie bloß fragen - warum tragen sie eigentlich einen ring, wenn sie nicht verheiratet sind?“

keine ahnung, wie der justus darauf antwortet. er reagiert mit einem milden lächeln und sagt etwas ähnliches wie der nichtraucher. vielleicht etwas wie „dieser ring ist ein versprechen, dass ich vor langer zeit gegeben habe.“

(side note: potential shipname; justraucher (lmao))

vielleicht figuren martin und johnny es heraus, weil sie wieder bemerken, wie die teile zusammenpassen

okay!! back on point!!

maybe it makes more sense in a 2003 movie way?

young 17-year old bob und johann in the 60s.

they give each other a promise, although they never quite kiss. and that promise is kept, even when bob runs away and leaves johann with everything in his wake.

und manchmal ist johann wirklich sauer auf robert. wie er ihn sitzen gelassen hat. und er überlegt, den ring abzunehmen- aber dann tut er es nicht.

er ist ja auch nicht wirklich wütend auf robert. er versteht, warum er tat, was er tat. dafür kennen sie sich viel zu gut. und am meisten vermisst er ihn eigentlich. besonders wenn er den ring anguckt. aber trotzdem -oder deshalb- bleibt der ring. das ist schließlich alles, was er noch so wirklich übrig hat von bob.

auch, wenn sein herz gebrochen wurde- dieses versprechen hat er noch. er hat es noch. an seinem finger. tag und nacht.

der punkt ist, ihm wurde das herz gebrochen. deshalb rastet er so aus, als die kinder mit dem „fliegenden klassenzimmer“ ankommen - das reißt alte wunden auf. aber vielleicht ist das ja etwas gutes…?

„ich wüsste übrigens auch gern, was los ist.“, sagt kathrin sanft, als die kinder in seinem büro stehen.

und während er erzählt, die ganze geschichte - na gut, die halbe. einige dinge kann er einfach nicht teilen - da huscht kathrins blick zu dem ring an seiner hand und verständnis spült über ihr gesicht.

(dem ring, der der grund ist, warum er keinen ehering für kathrin an die hand nehmen wollte.

wait, what if johann/nichtraucher/kathrin und johann hat nicht nur zwei hände sondern auch zwei ringe)

und als sie sich dann wieder treffen und johann sieht, dass auch robert nach all den jahren den ring noch trägt-

da ist das ein zweites versprechen. ein versprechen, dass das erste niemals gebrochen wird.

(and yes of course they kiss. and no, the kids aren’t there, because these men deserve some privacy goddamn)

ok i think i’m done for now

how many words were that

NOPE ANOTHER!!

»something between exes and old friends and former lovers and „married for 30 years“«

meaning:

exes : there was something back then. like there actually *was* something, not an almost. or maybe an almost? there are a lot of almosts. that’s why i’m saying „something between“

old friends : think canon. book canon. old friend.

former lovers : kinda like exes but the implications are less bitterness and more heartache because they were torn apart instead of willfully leaving.

married for 30 years : that dynamic, like they’ve known each other for a lifetime. it feels so natural, despite having been apart for 30 years.

(imagine; (not necessarily justus/nichtraucher, maybe reddie, but i’m talking about justraucher hier.

#mine

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sirfrogsworth · 2 years ago

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Actually, I might have too many reasons.

I'm afraid it has been a really difficult few years for me and my family.

Our beloved corgi, Otis, developed a terrible condition (degenerative myelopathy) that made him lose the function of his back legs. Once his quality of life diminished passed the point where he could no longer experience joy as a dog and only had hardship and suffering to look forward to, we had to put him to sleep.

In February, despite taking painstaking measures to stay safe, my entire family contracted COVID and I also developed a kidney stone at the same time. Unfortunately, my mother was on medication that made her immune system pretty much useless. She died a horribly lonely death in the ICU. The last time I got to speak to her was over the telephone, with a nurse holding the phone up to her face. She was confused and scared and could not breathe despite being on two different breathing aids. All she could do was ask if my dad and I were okay. She was more worried about us than herself. Then they had to put her mask back on and she kept trying to talk even though I couldn't understand her. All I could hear was the fear in her voice. I tried to tell her how much I loved her one last time, but I have no idea if she could hear me.

She lost consciousness soon after and never woke up. Eventually her heart gave up and she passed. I only got to see her once briefly through a glass door. Her body was still alive, but she was already gone at that point. Just an unconscious vessel attached to machines.

My father has kidney failure and heart failure. He is being kept alive by dialysis 3 times per week. He hates going and it wipes him out every time. We hope he has a year or two left, but it's impossible to know for sure.

I am his caretaker even though I am also disabled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy. I do my best to make sure his needs are met. My brother has been almost no help at all. A few friends and my aunt come by every once in a while to help with chores, but it's pretty much just me alone taking care of the both of us.

I have no idea where I am going to live if my dad passes away. I have no plan. I have no energy to make a plan. And that fear makes it hard to sleep many nights.

Then I was having these horrible stomach issues and lost nearly 30 pounds (in a bad way). The discomfort got so bad at one point I became suicidal. My dad feared for my life and so he called the police and EMTs. They admitted me into the hospital. After 2 days in the ER, being stuck in a small room because they had no other place to put me during COVID, I was finally admitted to a psychiatric ward for observation. Weirdly my stomach issues started improving and my suicidal thoughts passed.

I'm honestly not sure if I would have taken my own life if I had not been admitted. But I will say those two days in a tiny ER room did not do much to improve my mental health. It is sad that in this country with all its resources, there is no such thing as urgent mental healthcare. They just stick you in a room and make sure you can't hurt yourself as you wait in line to get the actual help you need.

Thankfully I was able to adjust some medication I was taking and resolve my stomach issues. That seemed to relieve me of my dangerous thoughts and I have been okay in that regard ever since.

My dad had a serious infection in July that placed him in the hospital. He lost the ability to walk, his heart stopped briefly, and he started having horrible hallucinations. At one point I wasn't sure if he would ever return to reality. Nothing he said made any sense. Thankfully once they treated the infection and he got decent sleep he returned to lucidity. But he had to go through brutal rehab in order to walk again (with a walker and only short distances).

He was in hospital and rehab for over a month. After what happened to my mom, I promised myself that my dad would not be alone in the hospital. So, no matter how bad I physically felt, I pushed myself to visit him and be at his bedside every day and all day until they kicked me out. It was grueling for both of us, but I don't know if he would have recovered if I hadn't been there. Partly because I kept his spirits up, but also because I was able to get him better care as an advocate. I had to push to make sure he got the tests and medication he needed and saw the doctors that could help him. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

The only bright side of his hospital stay is that we rediscovered our love for St. Louis Cardinals baseball. We bonded over it and ended up watching every game. We were very sad when they were quickly eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. But it was a magical season as two fan-favorite players were playing their final season and they had amazing and emotional sendoffs. (Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina) It is my hope that my dad has at least one more baseball season left in him.

My health took a serious downturn earlier this year. It happened on the very same day that my best friend Katrina came to visit from Florida. I got so sick I could barely appreciate her presence when she was here. I had been looking forward to seeing her for a very long time and my stupid chronic illness ruined it. I was counting on that visit to give me a mental health boost.

I recovered a few weeks later, but my health has never been the same. I had to adjust to a new normal and adapt and find ways to take care of my father despite being further impaired.

I also lost my last creative outlet--writing. I enjoy researching and writing long and humorous political essays, but since my health declined further, I have not been able to write like that ever since. I'm really hoping I can regain that ability, but I'm unsure if that will happen.

One of my best friends is trans and I have many trans friends and followers and I am just really scared for them right now. The laws that are being proposed and passed are unjust and cruel. I have never witnessed such an effective campaign of hatred in my lifetime. I mean, I know there has always been hatred of the marginalized in every era of modern human existence, but this seems to go beyond just the conservative hate-mongers. It is not couched in subtext and dog whistles. It is overt and very "out loud." And I'm seeing people who claim to be progressive join in this hatred.

They are suddenly super worried about sports they never used to pay attention to. They think bathrooms are suddenly dens of danger despite trans people existing long before this concentrated hate became popular and bathrooms being perfectly safe beforehand. And now people believe that helping trans kids with proper healthcare is akin to child abuse. They think accepting trans kids is "grooming."

I see Twitter and Reddit threads filled with transphobia and it often brings me to tears to see people openly and comfortably hate the people I love so much. They hate people who have no tangible effect on their lives. People who just want to exist and be respected.

I just don't know how people can hate my friends so much without even knowing them.

Also, I'm just... really really lonely. All the time. It feels like a constant punch in the gut. I miss seeing and hugging my friends. I miss romantic companionship. And I've got a 20+ year streak of being sexually frustrated and am completely unsure how in the world to address that.

And finally, I decided to watch The Handmaid's Tale which is just full of rape and sadness. I figured I'm already horribly depressed, so a show probably isn't going to do much more damage. But it is still a tough watch.

That's the major headlines of my depression.

I'm just trying to survive and find little ways to cope. Mostly I am leaning on my support system and amazing best friends to keep me propped up and functioning.

Best I can do right now.

#trigger warning #depression #sad things #transphobia #rape mention

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nicoleheichou · 3 years ago

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Synopsis: Sakusa was the type to always get things done on his own, but now that he's forced to juggle between his successful pro-volleyball career and being a single dad, what happens when he enrolls his daughter in a new preschool and meets his daughter's new teacher? Will their relationship remain professional or will it evolve into something more?

¤ warnings: timeskip characters, possible angst (let's be real I always turn things angsty), manga spoilers, fluff, cheating, I'll add more as we go.

¤ disclaimer: i don't own any of the hq characters, the pictures i use are just for reference so you can see what I'm imagining, yn looks how you want her to look.

¤ taglist is closed.

¤ starting: January 3, 2022

¤ updates: Sundays ~ 6pm MST

[COMPLETED]

Characters: Intro 1 | Intro 2

• Chapter 1: First Day

• Chapter 2: 2 Birds 1 Stone

• Chapter 3: Well That's Tough

• Chapter 4: Calling It Right Now

• Chapter 5: Should I Stop Them?

• Chapter 6: Inch Resting ✏️

• Chapter 7: I'm Really Desperate ✏️

• Chapter 8: Really Domestic

• Chapter 9: SAKUSA KIYOOMI

• Chapter 10: That Was Attractive ✏️

• Chapter 11: Did What I Had To Do

• Chapter 12: PICK UP YOUR PHONE

• Chapter 13: ☺🥰💘

• Chapter 14: What Historical Night?

• Chapter 15: Simple And Nice

• Chapter 16: Idiots On The TL

• Chapter 17: A Smooth Talker

• Chapter 18: Goosebumps

• Chapter 19: Like Him Like Him ✏️

• Chapter 20: Going Through A Phase ✏️

• Chapter 21: I Can See Your Posts ✏️

• Chapter 22: Oh That's Rich

• Chapter 23: That's The Plan

• Chapter 24: Oh 👀 (x2)

• Chapter 25: Keyword: yet

• Chapter 26: 10 minutes. ✏️

• Chapter 27: No 3 For 1 Special ✏️

• Chapter 28: I Got $5

• Chapter 29: Forget Dating

• Chapter 30: My Second Favorite 🥰

• Chapter 31: Sound Like A Threat

• Chapter 32: A Hundred Percent Chance

• Chapter 33: SCANDALOUS

• Chapter 34: Only One Bite? ✏️

• Chapter 35: Family Get Together

• Chapter 36: Soon

• Chapter 37: Tear That Bitch Apart

• Chapter 38: KENMA NO

• Chapter 39: Effective Immediately ✏️

• Chapter 40: Be Transparent

• Chapter 41: Spilled The Tea

• Chapter 42: Kind Of Hot

• Chapter 43: Who Else If Not Tetsu

• Chapter 44: Get Out Of Town

• Chapter 45: Where's The Nearest Toy Store? ✏️

• Chapter 46: Need A Minute

• Chapter 47: 🎶 Sugar rush-ush 🎶

• Chapter 48: Read That Right

• Chapter 49: Know That Look ✏️

• Chapter 50: I 🩷 You ✏️

• Chapter 51: waiting...

• Chapter 52: A Little Dense

• Chapter 53: I Got A List Of Names

• Chapter 54: Almost Kidnapped

• Chapter 55: What He Said Fuck Me For?

• Chapter 56: Separated At Birth

• Chapter 57: KOZUME KENMA

• Chapter 58: Cute And Wholesome

• Chapter 59: Can't Tell Her No

• Chapter 60: A SIMP

• Chapter 61: Update: Coach Found Out

• Chapter 62: Karma Is A Queen

• Chapter 63: Not The Time

• Chapter 64: Do It Again! ✏️

• Chapter 65: Something I Need To Tell You ✏️

• Chapter 66: JUICY DETAILS

• Chapter 67: Through All The Craziness ✏️

• Chapter 68: Send It!

• Chapter 69: I Can Sense It

• Chapter 70: Need Any Convincing?

• Chapter 71: That's Something...

• Chapter 72: Couple of Idiots (lovingly)

• Chapter 73: Some Time Alone

• Chapter 74: My man, my man, my man 😘

• Chapter 75: Getting Deja Vu...

• Chapter 76: Is That Shrek?!

• Chapter 77: For The Record ✏️

• Chapter 78: SURPRISE! ✏️

• Chapter 79: 🩷+❤️=👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

• Chapter 80: Never Felt More Betrayed

• Final: Epilogue

#sakusa x reader #hq smau #haikyuu smau #haikyu smau #smau #gomd #girl of my dreams

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atrirose · 3 years ago

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##.CALLING THEM YOUR FRIEND

TIKTOK SERIES #004

（概要）。— all members x reader || g : fluff || 0.9k+ words || no warning || established relationship

##.HEESEUNG : “this is heeseung my friend,” you said with a smile as you look at him, I swear to god he looks at you with disbelief in his eyes, laughs it off but is dying inside, repeats this in his head the whole day looking at the ceiling “am I friend?” rethinking his life from the start, even after you tell him it was a joke it at least takes him 30 min to come back from his oblivion. “next time give me a heads up when you try to do something this cruel,” he said that with a smile and now you don’t know if you should be happy or scared or both, good luck.

##.JAY : the second the word friend left your mouth he was walking out “who is your friend y/n, clearly isn’t me and there is no one in the house beside me and you” you had to run to catch him, almost booked tickets back to America “it was a prank” now you are sitting on the floor apologizing for your grave mistake “yeah and what” crosses his arm as he sits on the sofa in front of you “and I'm sorry I will never do it again, I would like to lead a happy life with my sweet boyfriend jay” and you thought it ended huh? no, he is petty calls you friend in front of the members for the next few days.

##.JAKE : “yeah my friend jake is right here to help me so don’t worry mom” pauses for a moment and looks like a lost puppy, no because even your mom is confused, she always thought that jake was your boyfriend “honey dose jake know about it” she really was confused in all sense but your boyfriend is whining over there almost ready to cry “I will call you later mom” as soon as you hung the phone he walks in full speed near you, looking very disappointed “hey you still love me right? I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND RIGHT” shaking you hard until you say its a prank but he was still pouty about it, later you get a call from your mom saying not to pull pranks on jake or else you are getting whooping and jake just sat next to you with a proud face, yeah your mom favors your boyfriend more, he is the favorite child.

##.SUNGHOON : “I am with my friend right now I will call you later, dad" as soon as you hung the call and look at him, he was already looking at you with the most horrified look on his face. Stop it almost looked like he was going to cry "it was you dad right? Thats why you said friend right? Because your dad is overprotective? Are you not allowed to have boyfriend?" now you felt bad, his usually composed nature turned into a total mess, "i was joking, i am sorry" hugs you tight "well don't play pranks like this again, I got scared" aww poor baby, you had to cuddle him to sleep.

##.SUNOO : gasps hard, very much offended and disappointed at your behavior, acts all childish and petty about it “calling me friend won’t do you any good now, the whole school knows we are dating and be honest aren’t YOU THE embarrassment here” full-on aunty mode “no everyone I am clearing the confusion, I am dating this hot mf so that makes me boyfriend not ‘friend’ i am sorry for the disappointment but she belongs to me, that girl is mine” points at you and speaks like he is doing an announcement, super loud about it, others are probably scared and took a mental note to never fall for you because sunoo can probably sense anyone in 10 meters who looks at you for more than 0.2 seconds let alone make moves at you.

##.JUNGWON : he is petty but on a whole new level “my friend jungwon had-” looks at you with no emotion in his eyes “your friend is it?” you can hear the mockery in his voice “not now jungwon, I'm on the phone” you tired to hush him “yeah okay bro” turns his back on you probably sulking “wonie it was a joke babe” you hung up and hug him from behind “no its alright bestie” and here it starts here, will call you every nickname for a friend, the worst thing is that he says it so casually like its the most natural thing to him, so for the next few weeks you were his bro, treated you like one, it was a painful time but you deserved it.

##.NIKI : the most annoying person ever, he will have a deadpanned look staring into your soul “can you call me your friend again” pulls his phone out and makes the most dramatic video for tiktok “thanks babe” then goes back to normal like it never happened “oh and don’t try calling me friend again its dangerous to your health, bro” you swore you had chills running down your spine and the room almost felt too cold, “okay now come and play this game with me” boi just said that like he didn’t just threaten you.

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purplehanfu · 2 years ago

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KinnPorsche: Episode 13

notes: Spoilers! content warning: mentions of suicide Ep 12 /// TOC /// Ep 14 Part I

In this episode: Hot tub sex, international bank fraud, crashing your own funeral, introducing your boyfriend to your dead parents and putting all your plot twists in the last 5 minutes.

We finally get “that scene” from the trailer. You know the one I mean.

Timecoded Review

1:52 These two.

dude you abducted someone and tortured them- you kind of are a freak

unless you're a kidnapping torturer, in which case maybe don't be true to yourself

2:57 Kinn and Porsche move back to bodyguard HQ. They have soup w/dad, but Porsche can't stop thinking about the picture from the end of the last episode- what's Dad's connection to his family? Is it the fish maw soup?

5:54 Vegas makes lunch and his dad comes in to ruin it

14:30 Tankhun, I love you. Tankhun is apparently clairvoyant as well as being a fashion icon. He senses something is amiss with Pete.

17:00 Pete's had enough of the hostage lifestyle. He gets a knife away from Vegas and threatens to kill himself. This relationship makes absolutely no sense to me.

20:00 Finally, Pete escapes!

21:15 Tankhun has roped the bodyguards into holding a memorial service on the lawn of the compound. He's worried Pete's soul won't be able to find his way back.

Tankhun is a very conscientious friend making sure Pete has friends to accompany him as well as an eternally full ATM.

Pete interrupts his own funeral.

But Tankhun doesn’t care if Pete is an undead revenant or not; he’s just glad to have him back.

27:23 Kim tries to call Chay, Chay won't answer. Kim looks through old photos of Chay and realizes he is catching feelings.

31:00 Vegas sits sad and alone in his dungeon. Let's see if I can conjure up any sympathy for him. Yeah... no.

34:38 Worst idea ever- Tankhun taking Pete out to Yok's

36:00 Porsche has turned to Vegas for help with the photo- but first he gives him a couple punches for Pete.

This partnership will end well, I know it.

39:50 Pete and Vegas have a reunion that's pretty much what I expect from them.

43:30 Kinn takes Porsche to his parents' graves, and they have a very sweet scene with Porsche introducing Kinn to his parents.

47:26 ITS THE SCENE FROM THE TRAILER Y'ALL! They bang it endlessly in the pool, while the Deutsche Bank sign (and probably all the neighbors) bear silent witness. These actors have really earned their pay because we've seen pretty much every square inch of them at this point.

This seems like a great opportunity to remind you that Deutsche Bank was almost solely responsible for the subprime mortgage crisis that caused a global financial meltdown.

Deutsche Bank was also found guilty of laundering money for its Russian clients- 10 billion dollars worth in fact.

"It was a grave mistake to take Jeffrey Epstein on as a client in 2013." -Deutsche Bank

Basically what I'm saying is that if Satan exists, he would definitely have an account at Deutsche Bank. But don't take my word for it- here's a top ten list of their most egregious scandals- so far.

52:05 Vegas has found some info about Porsche's family. Porsche wakes up Chay and they sneak out of the compound.

55:57 Wow if I ever tell you I'm laying low in Thailand, catch me at the temple. Everyone seems to hide out here.

We meet up again with Uncle Bitcoin who tells Porsche that his parents were shot- they weren't in a car wreck. But who shot them?! We don't find out because Uncle Bitcoin himself is shot. Porsche has some flashbacks to his childhood.

59:18 Dad is accosted by Porsche who demands to know why he shot his parents. Wait- is that something he remembered from the flashback? Dad reveals a secret:

So Porsche’s mom was Dad’s sister, making Porsche and Kinn cousins.

Bonus Round: Dad’s Hobbies

Dad appreciates work/life balance. So far we have seen Dad:

raising fighting fish

making pottery

playing chess

playing the piano

Ep 12 /// TOC /// Ep 14 Part I

Master list of all recaps

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche episode recaps

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thatsarcasticgemini · 3 years ago

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Alone time

Ash Lynx x reader

A/n: Banana fish broke me, but writing is my coping mechanism, so...This is an AU where Ash and the reader are married and live in Japan, Ash being a model. Also, Shorter is alive cause I said do ( i would die for him to live tbh). I am so sorry for any mistakes.

Babysitting is a very challenging task, especially when the kid is a carbon copy of the most intelligent, cheeky and bratty man Eiji had ever met. Isaac Callenreese was giving the man a headache and pills were not fixing it. Sure, he knew what he was getting into and knew how much Ash and Y/N needed a break from parenting, but why on earth did he agree? At least Shorter was there to help him right?

Wrong! Shorter was like a second kid. Yelling, running, coloring, making a mess and getting little Isaac even more agitated. Just how much energy did the 5 year old have?

“Shorter, please! You are 30! Your playing days are over. You’re gonna break something and I will yell. I almost had Isaac under control, but then you came along to ruin the peace we had. Isaac come here right now or I’ll call Ash!”

“Jeez, Eiji...you almost sound like a grandpa! I haven’t seen Isaac in about a year. I missed him a lot, you know? Little gremlin did a lot of growing up!” said Shorter, with the same goofy smile he had all those years ago. Isaac was seated on the his lap, looking up at his favourite uncle with a wide grin. Based off the resemblance between him and Ash, Eiji could already sense some sort of comment coming.

“Nuh-uh. I wanna stay right here. Call dad “dad” please. And I love uncle Shorter, he’s taller, funnier and smarter than you, uncle Ji. He was telling me how dad knows how to ride a motocycle! It doesn’t get better than this!”

“Yes it does. If you stay quiet for five more minutes, I can get the rice done and I can tell you how Ash and Y/N..”

“Mom and dad, uncle Ji!”

“How mom and dad met while we eat. Does that sound nice?”

“Dunno, let me ask uncle Shorter too.” The two began whispering to each other while Eiji rolled his eyes. Just one more hour and Ash would be here to pick his spawn up. After a minute, both Shorter and Isaac nodded their heads and went to sit down at the kitche table.

Once the table was set and the rice was done cooking, Eiji put it is bowls are brought it to the table. They all dug in, but Isaac seemed to be watching Eiji with great intrest, expecting the story he was promised.

“So Ash and Y/N...”

“Mom and dad. Continue uncle Ji.”

“Mom and dad met around 9 years ago. They met here, in Tokyo, and I am proud to announce that I am the one who got them to meet up, since Y/N went to the same highschool as me. We were both on the drama club in my third year. She was about 2 years younger than me, but she was so mature. Anyway, they started dating around three months after they met. The had a really pretty relationship. You dad was so hooked he embarrassed himself in front of her on multiple ocations. They got married two years later, lived together for two more years and then you came along. You were a very loved little boy. I wish I took a picture of the face your dad made when he held you for the first time.”

“Yeah! He teared up, but don’t tell him you know. You had this little puff of blond hair on your head, it was as fluffy as the little kitty we saw this morning, if not fluffier.” Isaac had look in his eyes that Eiji had only seen once before and that was when Ash told him about Dino and his childhood. The tiny blond seemed to be so vulnarable almost like a porcelain figure.

“What about mom? Was she happy to see me?” There it was. The love Isaac, much like his father, held for her. It was like they would both die if it wasn’t for her love.

“Well of course she was. She really loves you, you know? Your mom loved you even before she had the pleasure of holding you. You have been one of her favourite people ever since she found out you were in her belly. They both love you a lot.”

“Then why am I here? Why wouldn’t they take me with them? Why do they want alone time?” Eiji couldn’t find an answer. He looked at Shorter, who still had that dumb grin.

“Well, Isaac, mom and dad need to rest every once in a while. Since mom got pregnant with your brother or sister, she hasn’t really been able to rest properly, so dad wanted alone time with her to help her rest, but I am sure they will both be so very happy to see you.”

Just like magic, there was a knock at the door, Eiji went to open it, while Isaac trailed behind him, with his little backpack in hand. The door opened to reveal Ash and the boy jumped in his arms at the speed of light.

“Wow! Hi bub! I missed you so much. How was today hmm? Did you have fun with uncle Ji and uncle Shorter? Were they nice to you?”

“Mhm, they told me how you and mama met. I miss mama, is she in the car?”

“No bub, she’s at home. She missed you too. Told me we should race all of the cars and get home in under ten minutes. We have cake.” And with that, Isaac was set back on the ground and the little boy dashed to the car.

“Damn gremlin didn’t even say bye. Here i was thinking we have something special.”

“Hi Shorter! Hi Eiji! I can’t thank you enough for tonight. She really needed it.”

“It’s ok Ash. He is a little loud and Shorter here is never truly helpful, but it’s our pleasure. Are Y/N and the baby ok?”

“Hm, not really. I mean the baby seems to be fine, but she isn’t. Throws up everything she eats. The doctor said it is because her body is getting used to the pregnancy, but this didn’t happen when we had Isaac. I’m just worried for her.”

“She’s strong. She can take it I’m sure.” Shorter nodded, agreeing with Eiji’s statement.

“I know Eiji, I’m not worried about that. Truth is she seems happy to be pregnant. She’s beaming all the time, even after she got everything she ate out, and I feel bad. I feel like she’s in pain. Her smile makes me feel even worse.” Shorter laid a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, taking his sunglasses off.

“Ash...listen to me. Y/N is someone who’s never lied to you about anything. She’s been genuine about everything. She would never fake a smile and she would tell you if she wanted to abort the baby. The fact that she’s smiling and being her bubbly self only means that the pregnacy isn’t that hard on her. Trust me Ash. I see the look in her eyes when the baby is brought up in any conversation. She’ll be fine. You’ll be a bigger family. Loosen up a little.”

“Thank you Shorter. I owe both of you a drink. I’ll call you. Thank you for babysitting again.” And with that, all three of tehm smiled at each other while Ash picked the tiny shark backpack and went back to the car.

Once inside, the older blond turned towards the younger one, smiling.

“Ready to see mom, bub?”

“Mhm! Is she feeling better?”

“Yep.”

The car ride was one of the happy moments Ash wanted to hold onto. The sang together and talked about how Shorter told Isaac about the motorcycle.

“It’s true, you know? I do know how to ride one. When you’re older, I can teach you too.”

“I wanna ride one now. I’ve seen my friends with theirs, I want one too!”

“Those are lame. I’m talking about the real ones. That’s the true fun.”

Once at home, Ash dropped everything on the floor and went to help his son hung his coat on the wall. The little boy jumped out of his red sneakers and ran down the hall yelling for his mom.

“In the kitchen baby. I was cutting you a slice of cake.It’s vanilla, since I know you like the chocolate one’s less. Where’s daddy?”

“Right behind you.” said Ash, placing his hands on her hips and swaying her a little. She turned around to give him a kiss on the cheek, but her 5 month bump got in the way, making her pull a frustred face and Ash smile even more. Isaac pushed his dad to the side a little, making grabby hands at his mom. No matter how old he acted, his real age was always given away by his gestures around his mom.

Getting his slice of cake, Isaac turned back towards the living room. Eating on the couch was never truly forbidden.

“Mama, tomorrow is Yuri’s birthday. He celebrating it at home, I have the invitation in my drawing notebook. Can I go?”

“Sure you can. we just have to go buy a gift in the morning.”

“A birthday huh? That means a little more alone time for us two.” Y/N hid her face in her husband’s neck, smiling a little. Ash’s finger went to the back of her neck, getting her to look up at him to give her a kiss, but then...

“Gross! He likes cars mama, go brainstorm on that insted of smooching dad in the kitchen!”

#ash lynx x reader #ash lynx #shorter wong #eiji okumura #banana fish

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eloves-writes · 3 years ago

Text

a failed attempt to hate you

(tristan dugray)

a/n: i can only apologise if this writing is terrible, i wrote most of this in the middle of the night hopped up on medication for my disgusting cold. i hope it makes sense. anywho thanks for reading, enjoy, mwah <3

screw mr medina for making you help tristan study. you knew he knew from rory your inherent disdain for him, and it wasn’t your fault he was falling behind therefore not your responsibility to help him (as you had told mr medina last tuesday, with no effect). it was now sunday morning and you held little hope he would actually show up this time; he had somehow managed to cancel on your little study date 6 times already and it had only been 5 days since you were handed this apparently mammoth task. honestly, you didn’t expect him to show up at all, especially not anytime before noon- for which reasons you had made the decision put on your usual lazy sunday morning reading in bed get-up, which included (but was not limited to) an oversized rock concert shirt rory’s friend lane had given you in an attempt to clear her closet of non-christian attire, nothing but underwear underneath since you wouldn’t plan on leaving the comfort of your bedsheets for many hours, and a loose silk scrunchie you accidentally stole from rory keeping your hair out of your eyes.

your book of choice today was ‘harry potter and the goblet of fire’ , the most recently released chapter of the boy wizard’s adventures at hogwarts. the clock beside you read 9:15 as you comfied yourself for a morning of magic and adventure, which naturally was ended a mere 8 minutes later at 9:23 when the doorbell rang downstairs. you assumed your mother would answer it, but when it rang a second time you remembered your parents had both gone out to watch your sibling’s soccer match and you’d have to get it yourself.

it didn’t even cross your mind to put pants on, or that it may not be the postman at the door, until you opened it to see your very favourite chilton student whose eyes had hastily wandered to your bare legs. typical high school boy, you thought to yourself before your brain actually grasped the situation and kick started into action.

‘tristan. hi.’ you said with a slight shock in your voice.

‘erm, hi. i hope i’m not interrupting anything,’ he smirked, glancing down at your thighs again.

you rolled your eyes so aggressively you hoped mr medina could hear it from wherever he was spending his day, irritating boy-less and free to do whatever he wanted with his time.

‘you’re not,’ you quipped. ‘i just didn’t expect you to actually show up this time. and early may i add, i’m sure we said 11.’

‘we did, but i’ve got plans later so i thought i’d come by earlier and get this over with.’

‘how did you know i didn’t have plans? i might have been busy before 11.’

he pulled a face of amusement and you could swear you saw a hint of sarcasm shining through his eyes too. ‘right. are you done talking now or can i come in?’

‘you can come in, i guess,’ you sighed, closing the door behind him and showing him to the kitchen table. ‘wait here, i’ll go and get my books.’

‘grab some pants whilst you’re at it.’

‘stop talking,’ you called as you walked upstairs.

you came back downstairs a few minutes later fully-clothed and carrying your english notes to see that tristan had wandered from the chair you specifically remembered telling him to sit in, and was instead tracing a finger along the bookcase that stretched across the far wall of your living room. for a moment you just watched him nosey into your life; the framed certificates, the family photos, the 5 tapes of ‘beauty and the beast’ stacked atop of each other because it was your favourite film when you were 9 and practically every living relative had bought you a copy. beside those was a picture of you dressed as princess belle at disneyworld with chocolate ice cream smeared from cheek to cheek, a huge smile plastered between. tristan picked it up and turned to face you.

‘thoroughly adorable. seriously, you should go for this look more often.’

‘ha ha,’ you grimaced, snatching it off him and placing it back on the shelf. ‘are we studying or reminiscing on my past fashion choices?’

‘oo, someone’s in a good mood this morning huh,’ he teased. you pulled another face, once again silently cursing mr medina for completely ruining not just your day, but in fact your whole week. by god this boy got more irritating the more time you spent with him- it had only been 10 minutes, but it was 10 minutes longer than you ever previously had or ever wanted to.

‘can i get a drink before we start?’ he asked, redirecting the conversation and walking past you back into the kitchen. he began opening various cupboards, searching for a glass. ‘where’s the-’

‘why yes, tristan. you can have a drink,’ you snarked, opening the cupboard behind him with a dramatic flourish. he raised his eyebrows at you and reached forward to grab a glass, leaning over you as he did so. you caught a whiff of his cologne and almost forgot to dislike him for a moment.

‘there’s, um, soda in the ... fridge,’ you told him, voice unwillingly faltering as he looked down to meet your eyes. he had pretty eyes. pretty, blue, sparkling, stupid, annoying, asshole eyes.

you found the thick tension sickening. you refused to be another girl at school who simply swooned over him when he walked past your locker. you didn't like him. you were here to teach him english. because he was dumb. and actually, his eyes weren’t that nice.

he grabbed a soda out of the fridge and you both sat down at the table and began reading through your analysis of ‘to kill a mockingbird’, adamantly pretending not to see him staring at you the whole time.

why? he had had every popular and pretty girl in the whole of chilton, how was he ever so starved of female attention that he would look at you so admirably when you liked to make it clear you despised him? in fact, you enjoyed making a special effort to flip him off, or pull a face at him when he walked by, or kick his chair extra hard in spanish, or... oh shit. you had seen it from an outside point of view now, and it was glaringly obvious; maybe you did like him, just a little bit. shit. rory owed lorelai 10$ and a cheeseburger from luke’s, though you didn’t want to have to admit she was right when she’d said you were like a kindergarten boy pulling a girl’s ponytails because he thought she was pretty.

‘hey tristan,’ you started, breaking the comfortable silence between his questions and suddenly nervous to talk to him. stupid, it was still the exact same boy you’d been complaining about all week, nothing new.

he looked up from your notes. ‘what’s up princess?’

that was definitely new.

‘don’t call me princess’ -he smirked irritatingly- ‘do you need to stay much longer? i mean, is there anything else you want help with?’

‘trying to get rid of me?’

‘no! no. i just thought that you’d only stay and pretend to listen to me for like, half an hour then vanish. it’s 11:30 and you’ve been through my whole binder.’

‘it is? time flies.’

‘tristan.’

‘i do care about my grades, you know. and you’re a good teacher, i might have a chance at an A.’

‘why didn't you show up the last 6 times we planned then?’

he put down his pen- your pen, actually. it had pink sparkles on the lid. ‘got to keep up my street cred.’

‘ha ha. funny,’ you replied as blankly as possible, pulling back a smile you could feel in your stomach. you made eye contact again and, like every other time since you’d sat down and started studying, you held each other’s gaze for longer than necessary. funny how realising you like someone makes you suddenly act like it.

‘i should get going then right,’ he said, picking his jacket from the back of his chair.

you felt weird, almost as if you didn't want him to leave after praying earlier he wouldn't show up. alas, your parents would be home soon and you would be willing to bet money that tristan would have some interesting jokes about your being home alone that would not slide with your dad.

‘yeah. i hope you get that A,’ you said, accidentally smiling as you walked him to the door.

tristan turned to lean on the frame of the now-open door and put on a face of mock surprise. ‘my, my, y/n. was that a kind comment and a smile? you’re spoiling me.’

‘shut up, i hope you fail.’

he smiled back. ‘you really mean that?’

‘i guess not.’

there was yet another beat of heavy silence.

‘see you monday.’

you closed the front door as he walked down the drive, but noticed tristan’s car keys still sat on the kitchen table. a porsche, of course. you picked them up and reopened the door to his fist poised to knock. the two of you laughed awkwardly for a second.

‘i forgot my-’

‘you forgot your-’

another awkward laugh. jesus christ this was uncomfortable. you passed him the keys, and with absolutely no warning at all, your lips were suddenly met with his. they were soft and confident, and his free hand held your face as you tried to process the new situation. you quickly melted into the kiss, letting him take control until he pulled away and smiled that sparkly smile you didn't hate as much as you tried to.

‘didn't see that one coming,’ you said breathily, brushing some loose hairs off of your face.

‘i knew you didn’t hate me.’

‘ever the arrogant twat.’

‘hey, does this mean you’ll stop kicking my chair in spanish?’

‘absolutely not. in fact, i think i’ll kick it harder.’

‘as long as you let me do that again.’

tags: @leossmoonn for inspiring me to start writing again, @account123445 & @lmaoidekanymore6 for asking me to post tristan fics! (couldn’t figure out how to make the tags work but if you read this, you know ✨)

#tristan dugray #tristan gilmore girls #chad michael murray #gilmore girls #gilmore girls fic #gilmore girls fanfiction #can't think of anymore tags so i'll just hope this does ok on its own

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Text

Learn to Fly

CW: Self-loathing, some internalized victim-blaming, references to parental death and grief, VERY vague reference to past noncon once or twice

Note: I made a decision to switch a little of the timeline around, so Laken and Chris’s breakup at this point happens after the original conversations about the Speak Out Arc start happening but before the Olympics themselves. I’m folding this bit into the larger Speak Out Arc.

Follows Time Apart and It Doesn’t Work As Well As You’d Hoped

He curls up on the couch in the coffeeshop, sipping something warm he barely tastes. It might have coffee in it - he feels a little drowsy, and that usually happens when there’s just a little caffeine.

Maybe that’s just because he hasn’t slept since Jake was hurt, not really. And he’s slept even less since... since he and Laken broke up.

Outside, there's unseasonable heavy rain. The clouds are low and heavy, a deep gunmetal gray that blocks out the light and has the streetlights on at 9:30 in the morning. The raindrops seem less to fall than to slam into the ground with terrible violence.

The baristas talk in low voices about how grateful they are for the rain, burying the wildfires outside the city in a deluge the heat can’t overcome. Chris likes the rain, too, if only because it reflects the inside of him, suggests that the world can tell he is a storm within himself and reflects it to him.

He takes another sip.

He hasn’t showered in three days. His hair is dulled with it, like a penny left too long in the dirt. He’s dressed himself like he used to, back before when he was still learning he was a person and not a pet - in one of Jake’s hooded sweatshirts over his compression shirt, so oversized on him it’s nearly a tunic, and a pair of mesh basketball shorts. His knees still look knobby, he thinks.

He can see the ghosts of the bruises there that used to never quite heal before his Sir sent him to his knees and made new ones to lay over them. He can see a couple of scars, some from training when the baton would crack into the backs of his legs and send him dropping like a stone, some from gymnastics, some from just being a kid.

Chris’s eyes lower, to look at his own hands holding his coffee cup. He put star stickers on his nails last night, and a few of them have already peeled off. Those that remain glitter, just a little.

Something about the sight of it - the memory of when he put star stickers on Laken’s cheekbones at a concert until they sparkled under the starlight, laughing, a blur of bright eyes and dark hair - makes his throat nearly close, sends a new rush of tears to burn hot behind his eyes.

He has to close them to hold them back.

“You’ve had a hard time of late, have you, then?”

The voice is a rumble, cracked with decades of cigarettes and too much liquor, but Chris remembers it, anyway. At least, he remembers it now.

He turns to look up at the old man, in his shirt and slacks, a bit bent with age. There’s a merry twinkle in his slightly rheumy eyes, though, that shows that a young man is still there, under an old man’s experiences. There’s a slight smile on his face, warm and welcoming.

Chris swallows, struggling to find the words. They flit away from him, he has to chase them down, but eventually he manages to clear his throat and says, “I, I, um. I know you. You, you, you knew my dad.”

“I did, at that. Worked with him for years.” The old man settles onto the other end of the couch, giving Chris plenty of space, a nice wide berth for safety. “What’s got you looking like a television commercial for depression, hm, Tristan?”

No one calls him that.

Chris feels his heart twist, a little.

By the time they saw the meteor, Tris, it was already too late for anything but a blink or two. When it touched down into land, it was so big the end of it was still in space. Can you imagine anything so big? Can you?

No, Dad.

The earthquakes alone would have been immense thousands of miles away. Imagine, you’re eating leaves, living your life, and you see a shadow - and then in an instant, the world is shaking and you’re breathing glass. How does life go on after that?

I, I, I don’t know, um, um... how how does it?

It just does. That’s what’s amazing, Tris. It just goes on.

“Nothing. I, I, I broke up with my, my partner is all.”

“Hm, that nice young person who comes with you to the shops?” The old man nods, slowly. He’s got his own cup of coffee, plain black, steaming gently into the air-conditioning. Outside, the rain creates a curtain that walls them off from everything else. Chris can’t even see all the way across the street. He can barely see a woman with an umbrella racing from her car into the nail salon place off to the side.

“Yeah, them. I’m, um. It wasn’t anything they they they did.”

It’s something I did.

It’s something I am.

It’s something I’ll never stop being.

“Well, breakups do happen now and again. Usually the one who does the leaving isn’t the one who does the moping about and staring at rain, though.”

“I didn’t want to.” Chris sits back, keeping his coffee cup in one hand. The other drops to his stomach, to tap, soothing his nerves at being so close to a man he knows and doesn’t-know. His memories are there, fuzzy and hazy from being overwritten by fear and pain, but they’re there. He knows this man, Mr. Malley, who would watch him sometimes when his parents went out, or when his father needed to stop by work.

The memories are there, but they still hurt.

His head starts to throb, a pulsing pain behind his temples.

“I didn’t-... I, I love them, I d-didn’t want to.”

“Well, now, that’s a conundrum, isn’t it? Are you moving, then, Tristan?”

It hurts to hear his name, but it hurts in a way that feels good. He was that person, too, before he was Chris. He hums, low under his breath. “No. I, I, I just… you know, um, I’m just. I’m… hard. Difficult. To, to, to, to be with, to, um, to-... there’s a bunch wrong with-... with me.”

“You sound like your dad.” Mr. Malley laughs, a deep chuckle that rumbles more in his chest than out of his throat. “You know that? You sound just like him.”

Chris ignores the pain in his head and he turns, now, to look fully at Mr. Malley, blinking rapidly. “My, my, my dad?”

“Yep. Paul was a good man, and a good dad, but before he was that he was a scared boy with a baby on the way and a plan that might not work.” Mr. Malley sighs. “A scared boy who’d always had it a little rough, trying to make the world work for him when it did nothing but work against him. You were always his spitting image. He’d probably be tickled to see you still are.”

There is a sense, in Chris’s mind, of a blurry man with short red hair, sitting near him but not quite touching him, speaking with animation about how there are dinosaurs that lived closer to human beings than they did to other dinosaurs.

He remembers a man whose eyes sparkled with animated focus when he talked about the world millions of years ago, who loved him by sharing the information he held within his own mind.

He and his dad had understood each other, in ways that no one else did but his mother, and Chris was beginning to see that it had been her determination to know him that had fueled his mother’s actions, her endless support. The same way Jake and Nat were determined, and stubborn, and kept trying even when they got it wrong.

Everyone gets it wrong sometimes, but that doesn’t… that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying.

Maybe he got it wrong.

“He never broke up with your mom, but oh, he thought about it. You know, when he came to work with us, he had a plan. But plans… they have a way of going off the road and into a ditch. He worried he couldn’t make it work, he worried that it would be too hard for Ronnie to be with him and have a child, too.”

Ronnie.

Chris’s throat closes up, and he closes his eyes.

All right, Tris, I got you these so the noise won’t bother you so much. We’re going to have a good day at the parade, okay?

“Her family never liked him, for one. That’s a rough spot to be in, I think.” Mr. Malley is quiet for a moment, sipping his coffee and watching the rain fall. “Ronnie didn’t see it that way, of course. That woman was a freight train and God help anyone who got in the way. My late wife, God rest her soul, helped Ronnie with some things when her own family wouldn’t. She’d come over big as a house, eyes sparkling. You were a kicker, she used to say, kept her up all hours of the night. Just a girl, still, your mom, but she had a steel spine and she wasn’t going to live any life but the one she wanted. But your dad… he worried, that it would be too hard on her.”

“Having, um, having me would?”

“No. Having him. Paul was a smart man, you know. He knew his job would be trouble. He gave her chance after chance to go, if she wanted. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? She didn’t.”

Chris looks at his phone, lying on the little table in front of the couch. There’s some text messages he hasn’t looked at. Couple of voicemails he hasn’t listened to.

“Maybe he, he, he didn’t want to keep hurting her,” Chris whispers.

“Hurt’s a part of living, lad, take it from someone who’s given out his fair share of it and more.” Mr. Malley hums. Outside, a car pulls up, almost bumping the curb. “Perhaps you’re meant to separate from your young partner, Tristan, perhaps not. It’s like I told your dad, way back in the Stone Age. You choose if you love someone, to be sure, but they choose if they love you back. You can’t decide that for them.”

“But, but I’m-... but, but I’ve been… what I am, it’s-”

“I know what you’ve been made to do,” Mr. Malley says gently. “You don’t have to explain, lad. We knew.”

Chris’s lips tremble. He doesn’t want his coffee any longer. He sets it down next to his phone, on the little table. The baristas talk quietly about a date that one went on the night before, there’s a low sound of machinery. It all filters into Chris’s mind, a cacophony of sound he picks apart or doesn’t. Right now it’s hard for him to think around all the sound, but he tries. “Then, then, then why… if you knew, um, why… didn’t you-”

He can’t finish the question.

Why didn’t you save me from it?

“We couldn’t. It’s shite, is what it is, but we couldn’t. And by the time we could, you were with that nice young man who you live with now. I’m sorry for the time you lost, Tristan, and sorrier still I can’t give it back to you somehow. You’re your dad’s child through and through, but you’ve got your mother in you, too. You know what Ronnie did when there was something she couldn’t get through?”

Chris turns to look at this man, who knew his mother and father in ways he never could have. He swallows. “What?”

“She went over it. Or around it. Or blew it to smithereens and went through the wreckage. Whatever it took. They tried to kick you out of school when you were a wean, she fought them ‘til they realized they’d never win against her. They tried to tell her you wouldn’t read, she told them to go, well, to go sit on a thing or two and not to tell her what her boy could or couldn’t do.”

Chris thinks of Nat sitting next to him on the floor, patiently encouraging him to keep trying to turn the letters into words, despite his headaches, his tears, his certainty he’d never get reading back.

You will, Chris. I know you will. Just keep fighting for it. They won’t take anything from you forever, I won’t let them and you won’t let them either.

Don’t let them keep you from yourself.

“They told her she’d never have a happy life, having a wee one so young, but she built that happy life anyway with her own two hands and dared anyone to try and knock it down.”

“Someone… some, someone did, though.” The gunshots, his mother’s eyes going dull and blank, her whispered I love you so much, Tris…

“Sure. Yes.” Mr. Malley’s expression goes serious, and sad. “But it took breaking into her house at midnight and bullets to stop her. You’ve got plenty of your mom in you, lad. Plenty of your dad, too, he was always a stubborn git himself. Do you love this person you’ve broken up with? Hm?”

“Yes.” The answer comes without hesitation, even though his voice shakes and his heart races. “I, I, I do. That’s, that’s why I don’t want to-to keep hurting them by, by, by by being messed up from what, um, from what happened to me, I don’t… I don’t want to keep h-hurting them-”

“Let them decide how they feel about that,” Mr. Malley says, voice gentle and low. “Plenty of people are hurt and find their way forward together after.”

Jake and Kauri, laughing in the kitchen as Jake spins Kauri around in a circle, dips him backwards, presses a kiss to his nose that has him giggling.

Antoni at the stove, sighing but with a smile on his face, watching them. Being pulled into the hug not quite against his will, all three of them laughing then. Kauri bright and sparkling, Jake a deeper harmony, Antoni soft and genuine.

“Maybe it won’t last, maybe it will - but don’t let a hard past keep you from the people who love you. I’ve seen many ruined by believing you may only be loved if you’ve no pain inside you. We’ve all got pain, lad. Carrying it together’s a sight easier than trying to go it alone.”

From the car parked right outside, an elderly man unfolds himself, opening an umbrella to shield from the driving rain. Mr. Malley looks up and smiles. “Ah, right on time, must be ten sharp. That’ll be Cilly. D’you remember Cilly, lad?”

Chris looks as the man shuffles his way inside, pushing open the door. The little bell over the top jingles and the baristas cut off their conversation, standing up straight to call out a familiar greeting to a regular customer.

He squints.

“Not… not very well,” He confesses, a little ashamed.

“Ah, well, that’s not a problem. He and I’ve known each other a long time. I was an angry man for a while after my wife died, you know. Seemed a crime that I should outlive her, when Christa deserved to live to a hundred and six if she so wished. Cilly helped me carry that anger when I needed to be angry, and he helped me put it down later on.”

He gives a wave to the man - to Cilly - who looks at Chris and then back to Mr. Malley with clear surprise, then heads towards the counter to make his own order.

“Be angry, Tristan,” Mr. Malley says, a little heavily, leaning over to him on the leg as he pushes himself, with a grunt of effort to his feet. “You may need your anger, in the days ahead. But if you’ve a love to help you carry it, who wants to help you carry it and who will be angry right there with you, and you love them back… well… don’t let the wickedness of others keep you from the happiness you could have. You’ll be a poorer person for it.”

Mr. Malley walks away without another word, leaving Chris by himself again on the couch, tapping at his stomach, thinking. He keeps looking at his phone, thinking about all the texts he hasn’t read, the way he’s refused to call them back when Laken kept trying to reach him.

He leans over to reach out.

He stops, hand hovering just above the plastic with its colorful case, the sensory sticker on the back of it that Laken had bought him.

What happened after all the dinosaurs died, Tristan?

I, I, I don’t know, Dad.

Trick question, buddy. They didn’t. Paul’s eyes, bright and vibrant, gesturing to a bird in a tree nearby. Nothing stays the same and lives forever except alligators and sharks.

Right because, because they’re perfect.

Exactly. Dinosaurs died, sure, but they didn’t die, too. They just changed to suit the world after the one they knew how to live in was gone. Imagine, Tris.

Imagine what?

Imagine the world destroyed and in darkness, buried in ash. Everything you know is gone, ruined, wrecked beyond repair. And imagine… imagine that you learn to eat seeds and little mice instead of big animals and leaves. Imagine you become smaller and smaller. Imagine that your arms turn to wings, that your bones hollow out to carry you higher above the piles of ash that turn to grass and to life again.

What? I, I, I don’t, um, I don’t understand-... Dad, um, I don’t, I don’t... know what you mean.

Right, sorry. Just... imagine you’re a dinosaur.

He’d laughed. Okay.

Now imagine your dinosaur family is gone, and you have to become something else. What do you become? Being a dinosaur means dying, right?

Um. Right.

So imagine that you look at death and say, no thanks. No, you’re not going to be over. This isn’t it for you. Even a meteor the size of the entire sky can’t end you. Instead of dying out, no, you look at history, at geological time, and you say…

Paul had trailed off.

Say what? What, what do I say?

Don’t tell your mom but-... you look at the end of the world and you say... fuck this, I’m going to learn to fly.

Chris picks up his phone, finds Laken’s name and photo in his contacts. It’s a photo of the two of them together, Chris and Laken smiling and laughing as he smears whipped cream on their nose and they smear a cross of fluffy white into his forehead.

He dials.

They pick up on the third ring.

“Chris? Oh my God, Chris, are you okay? Are you-... are you okay, baby?” Their voice shakes, and he closes his eyes.

This time, he lets the tears slip out and run down his face. “H-Hey, Laken, um, I, I, I-... I’m… I wondered if you, um, if you could, uh… are you busy?”

“Am I-... Chris, where are you?”

“The, um, the coffeeshop-”

“I’m on my way. Don’t you dare fucking move.”

At their usual table, at their usual time, Cilly and Sean Malley start to talk amicably about the week ahead. But he keeps an eye on Paul’s boy, where he speaks a few sentences and then hangs up the phone, looking out the window at the rain.

It’s twenty minutes before a new car pulls up outside, and umbrella-less, the partner Sean has seen with Tristan before comes racing inside, a blur of black clothes and black hair and brown skin. Paul’s boy stands, and his partner throws themself at him so hard the two of them fall backwards onto the couch.

They start laughing, and shortly after to cry.

Their hands come up to either side of Tristan’s face, and they lean forward to kiss the scar on his forehead. He can’t hear what they say to each other, but he doesn’t need to.

Ronnie, he thinks, would like this spitfire person that Paul’s boy is so in love with.

That’s one wrong put right, at least for the moment.

One more to go.

Sean smiles and sips his cooling coffee.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

Just Go On from Kimmy Schmidt

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helliontherapscallion · 4 years ago

Note

Anon who’s dog had a seizure. I wanted to be able to give a positive update, but I won’t be able to. I was woken up by a call at around 1:30am from my mom and the first thing she said was “[my dogs name] died”

I don’t know all the details, I was in a full fledge panic attack and was overcome with despair when it was either explained to me or I overheard (frankly, I don’t remember) but apparently at some point either last night or veryyyyy early this morning my mom let the dog out to use the restroom, and he collapsed again similarly to how he did two days ago. My mom rushed him to the emergency vet (a thirty minute drive) but he didn’t even make it there.

I think I was dry heaving at some point because my panic was so bad. I ended up going to the vet with my dad so I could say goodbye (he had before my mom left with the dog) and ngl, going with him did not help in the slightest. My dad has NPD and he kept making the situation about himself and I stg I was ready to throw myself out the car window in the middle of the freeway and walk the rest of the way there OOP—

I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to because of Covid, but we were allowed to all head into the vet and hold him and give proper goodbyes before they took him to be cremated (they have a partnership with some place that does all that jazz). It was rough. He’s a small dog, only 18 pounds, but just holding him felt so different. There was no resistance when I picked him up (I’m not his favorite person lol, so he’d always deadpan and shuffle away a little from me before giving in whenever i’d make grabby hands hahaha) and it was just rough.

A year and a half ago my old bird passed away in that same emergency vet, so I just felt like I was suffocating the whole time. It was basically history repeating itself and I had a ✨mental breakdown✨ while cradling the pooch. My mom almost had to drag me out 2.5 hours later because I didn’t want to leave him. I tried to be strong, he was her dog in the end and they had an unbreakable bond. I should’ve been the one comforting her, not the other way around. I totally failed lol.

Thank god I was able to go home with my mom and not my dad. I wanted to be the one to drive home so she could rest, but I didn’t have the energy to protest when I saw she was already in the drivers seat.

We’ve had him since he was a few months old. I was in first grade at the time, and despite us having a very rocky start (young me didn’t like all the attention he received bc it used to be mine) he was my lil buddy and I would have done anything for him. I was looking forward to taking my senior and graduation pictures with him soon, but it seems like that won’t be happening. I just wish I did more with him.

Sorry for rambling and being so depressing! I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past two nights so I’m really out of it.

If it’s not too much to ask for, could I have a part ii of my previous request but have it involving what I wrote above? Asdfghjkl my depressed ass needs comfort and all of my friends are in school LOL. (Thank god I was called off from school this time) Plus, I don’t wanna make my mom feel worse by adding my grief on top of her own (I hope that made sense)

Part 1

(A/N): anon, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. From what you sent me about him, he sounded like an absolute delight to be around and a very good boy. You deserve to grieve too, even if you don’t think you should. Grieving is healthy and it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Everyone grieves differently, so maybe you and your mom could reminisce on the good times with him? Only if you both feel comfortable doing so of course. Please get some sleep, drink plenty of water, and eat some food if you haven’t already. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk <3

Warnings: death of a dog and bird (mentioned), panic attacks, NPD parent mention

You were jolted awake by a loud ring from your phone laying on your nightstand. It was the ringtone you specifically set for your mom. Blinking deliriously, you answered with a raspy, “mom?”

You were only met with her choked sobs on the other end. This woke you up completely as you turned on a lamp and sat up fully in your bed, “mom what’s wrong?”

“(Dog name)...” She was unable to say your dog's name before she broke into more harsh sobbing. Worry and fear pricked your gut at the mention of your dog’s name. “What about (dog name)? What’s going on?”

“He d-died, (y/n). He isn’t suffering anymore.” You felt as if ice cold water was poured onto you as you sat staring at the wall in shock. Faintly you heard your mom telling you how it happened, but you didn’t register her words. The words that came out of your mother’s mouth were nearly incomprehensible anyways due to her distress. You didn’t know when she hung up, but the next time you looked at the phone screen your homescreen met you: a picture of you, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy at an amusement park.

Your panic attack had escalated to you dry heaving over the toilet after puking up your dinner. You felt like you were suffocating as you remembered the techniques Techno used a few days prior. You stumbled up from a crouch and scrambled over to the sink. Your hands could barely grab the faucet and turn it on as you lost most of your sense of spatial awareness and everything you touched felt distant, like every single synapse in your body was both simultaneously working in overdrive and failing at the same time. The water was as cold as it was going to get, so you plunged your hands into the liquid and felt your body jolt at the temperature. After a while, your hands turned numb after regaining some senses back so you shakily cupped your hands under the faucet and gathered water into your hands. You splashed it at your face and felt yourself becoming more grounded as time passed.

By the time you left the bathroom, your dad gathered you into the car and started to drive you to the emergency vet. The entire time he was ranting about how you needed to pull yourself together because the dog was closer to him than to you. That definitely did not help in any way, it made you want to jump out of the car and walk the rest of the way to the vet. It would be better than having someone constantly belittling you for grieving. The ride was hell, but you persevered for (dog name). You needed to say goodbye to him.

When you left the car and walked into the building, it felt as if you were walking through the nine rings of hell with blazing infernos licking at your skin with every step. Dread and despair filled and overwhelmed you with every step.

When a nurse escorted you to the room, she offered you her condolences and left you to say goodbye. With wide eyes, you slowly walked over to your mom and saw the motionless bundle of fur in her hands. It looked like he was sleeping, but you knew better. She looked at you with so much heartbreak and sadness as tears slipped down her cheeks that you remembered that he was her dog in the end and they’ve always had an unbreakable bond. You needed to be strong for her.

Your stony facade broke the second your mom handed you (dog name). He was cold and stiff as he laid unmoving in your arms, not even trying to wiggle out of your embrace like he always did. You were never his favorite person. He felt so… different. So wrong.

Time passed around you as you held him and cried into his fur. This situation was very similar to your previous one that happened about a year and a half ago when your bird passed away and that was what finally sent you over the edge. Before you knew it, your mom was dragging you out of the building so he could get cremated. Your dad had long since gone home so he could get ready for work, so that left you to ride home with your mom. Not that you were complaining, it was certainly better than riding home with your dad. You just wished that you could drive so she could get some rest.

By time you got home, it was about the same time you would leave for school. As you were driving down your neighborhood, you saw a very familiar car pass you. It was Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s car. They were probably going to school. You kept your head down and stared intensely at your tightly clasped hands.

The second the car was in park in your driveway, you made a beeline for your room. For the rest of the day, you hid underneath your covers and ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You spent that time alone having a panic attack. This was your longest and most intense one yet, by the time it finally calmed down it was 10:30 at night.

You smacked your dry lips together and feel absolutely drained. The buzzing still wouldn’t let up, so you reached out with a shaky hand and opened your phone. You had at least eighty combined missed texts from Wilbur, Tommy, and Techno.

Tuesday, Innit?

Yo, the fuck’s goin on?

Why the hell did you ignore us when we passed you???

Music man take me by the hand lead me to the land

Ignore that dumbass

What’s going on? You weren’t at school today

(Y/n)?

Technology Sword

You don’t have to tell us what happened if you’re not comfortable

Just tell us if you’re okay

That was only the start of the messages in the group chat. Granted it was mostly Tommy spamming your name and Wilbur and Techno trying to get him to chill out, but some of the messages managed to calm the swirling panic inside of you slightly. Your phone buzzed as you got another text. This time, it was an individual one from Technoblade.

Technology Sword

Look out your window, grab your notebook

You raised your eyebrows slightly as you read the message. Your window was right across from Technoblade’s, so when you saw Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video and showed it to Techno, you both decided that this would be your primary communication before you eventually got phones. It wasted a ton of paper, but you both felt like the main characters in a story so you kept doing it. You hadn’t done this since you got your phone and he got his.

After you grabbed your spare notebook and a sharpie, you sat up in your bed and turned on your lamp. When you opened your curtains, you saw Techno smiling at you before he grabbed his notebook and wrote ‘hello’.

You uncapped your marker, wrote ‘hi’, and shakily raised it to him. You saw him frown at your shakiness, he wrote ‘you okay?’

You stared at your paper for a bit contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth. It was no use in lying to him, he knew you better than you knew yourself. After a moment, you wrote ‘no’.

You watched as he frowned and his eyebrows crinkled together in an upwards slant. ‘Discord?’

‘Sure’

You closed your curtains once more and opened up your PC. You could already see that Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy were in a separate voice channel. When you joined, you were startled by Tommy’s loud screaming and Wilbur’s hysterical laughter.

“WILBUR YOU PRICK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I WORKED SO HARD GETTING THAT NETHERITE!”

They were interrupted by a knock on Tommy’s door, “Tommy for the love of god it’s almost eleven at night kiddo. You can keep playing but please just keep it down.”

“SORRY DADZA!”

“Good job dumbass,” Wilbur chuckled.

“Hey (y/n), how’re you?” Techno’s somewhat pointed voice interrupted them. “(Y/N)! Please tell Wilbur that it’s not cool to borrow my armor and ‘accidentally’ fall into a lava lake.”

“It was an accident I swear!” Wilbur’s slight chuckle told you otherwise. “Wilbur,” your croaky and wobbly voice scolded him quietly, “not cool.”

The voice channel went silent as you logged into your shared minecraft server. You immediately spawned in the main lobby at spawn that you built the last time you logged in. You got to work gathering wood for walls you were going to build around the city. You saw Techno’s character run to you and help you gather wood.

“...You good, (y/n)?” Tommy’s voice took on an uncharacteristic level of gentleness and concern.

“‘M fine.”

After a while of silence, you heard keyboards start to click again. Gradually conversation started back up and everything felt lighthearted once more. Though, you only talked when you were prompted to. After gathering the correct amount of wood, you and Techno went back to your house so you could craft some slabs. However as you approached the crafting table, you passed your bed. Next to your bed was your pet dog, barking slightly and looking at you with it’s pixel eyes.

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of the pixelated dog. With a lump forming in your throat you struggled to breathe through it, your breaths coming out shuttering. You made quick work of muting yourself on Discord and started sobbing, the white dog staring at you sitting on top of your minecraft bed. This wasn’t a panic attack, you knew that. But you still felt overcome by a massive wave of grief.

After a bit, you saw Techno’s character pop in front of you and start hitting the air. In chat, you saw that he private messaged you ‘vc 2’

You clicked off the main voice chat and was immediately greeted by Techno’s gentle voice. “What’s goin on buddy?” He was only met with your sobs, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.”

“Still, deep breaths are good. Follow me.” With that, you two worked on getting your breathing back to normal and your tears slowly stopped. The entire time he was giving you praise and gentle reassurances whenever you tried to apologize to him. By the time you stopped crying you felt almost completely drained.

“You okay now?” You hummed in confirmation, too tired to say anything. “Thank you Tech, I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing for feeling emotions. They’re one hundred percent valid… Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

“I…” You trailed off as you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud. “You don’t have to tell me, ya know.” Technoblade gently reminded you.

“I’ll PM it to you.” With that, you PMed him on minecraft explaining that your dog died this morning. “Fuck, I’m so sorry (y/n). I’m sure he isn’t suffering anymore. Did- did they ever find out what caused the seizures?”

“No, but… he had tons of health issues that I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with anymore.”

“Do you wanna talk about the good times with him with Wil and Tommy? If you don’t want to we can just talk about them here.”

“Let’s rejoin the main voice channel.”

“Hey (y/n), how’re you doing?” Wilbur gently asked you. “I’m alright, do- do you guys know what happened?” They both said yes. Technoblade must’ve told them what was happening.

“(Y/n) come outside. We built something for you.” Tommy was uncharastically gentle.

When you moved to go outside of your minecraft house and Wilbur and Tommy led you to an empty spot in the city you four were building, you stopped in your tracks. In front of you built in various types of stone was a dog statue. In front of it stood a sign that read ‘in loving memory of (dog name)’.

“We aren’t done with it, but we can finish it in a couple of hours,” Wilbur mumbled into the microphone.

“No, it’s perfect as it is. I don’t know what to say guys…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just know that we’re here for you.” Tommy said, his minecraft character walking over to your own and hitting you.

“Oi, don’t hit them!” Techno punched him back and that started an all out brawl between the two. It quickly ended when Techno pulled out his fully enchanted netherite sword named ‘Orphan Obliterator’.

“Get fucked, nerd.” You could just tell Tommy was holding in screaming at his brother. “I’m not the nerd here, you’re the one that reads for fun.” Tommy retorted. You heard shuffling on Techno’s end and him walking away from his PC. You were about to ask what was happening before you heard Tommy silently scream in terror. “Oh fuck he’s coming!” You assumed that Tommy ran to lock his door. Not long after that you heard a knock, “I just wanna talk.”

“No! You-”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Let him talk, Tommy!”

“NO WILBUR.”

You heard Philza’s groggy muffled voice, “it is midnight on a Friday. I don’t care what happens or who fights who, just do it in your own rooms and do it quietly.”

“Sorry Dad,” you heard Techno’s retreating steps before he returned to his chair. “You’re a douche, Technoblade.”

“I just wanted to talk, Tommy.” At that, Techno started beating Tommy to death once more. Each time he would kill Tommy, he would give Tommy a small head start before he would find him again. While this was happening, Wilbur PMed you ‘wanna prank Tommy and Techno? I’m thinking we put chickens under their houses’.

You looked at his player and nodded. You and Wilbur got to work luring chickens into holes you dug around their bases and burying them so that they were close enough to hear, but deep enough for it to be mildly inconvenient finding them. After you two were done with that, you met at spawn again.

“Techno stop killing Tommy. We want to tell stories about (dog name).” You saw Techno’s character sprint to your group and Tommy’s come up from a hole in the ground. “I was just about to find him.”

“Thank you! God, I hate it when he does that.”

The rest of the night you four spent reminiscing on the funny things that (dog name) did over the years. At some points you even laughed along with them. After you told them that you wanted to take your senior pictures with him, Techno offered to edit him into your photos. You didn’t know when you passed out but when you woke up, you had a crick in your neck and your PC monitor was off. You could hear three sets of soft snoring on the other end of the call. You felt yourself drifting off to their gentle breathing and smiled slightly; with them, everything felt better.

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #sbi family au #requests #hellion's requests #tw: panic attack #tw: anxiety #tw: animal death #tw: animal injury #tw: swearing

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bellakitse · 3 years ago

Text

Greener on the Other Side

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, not believing what she’s just said. “Say that again, please.”

“I said he’s married,” she repeats herself softly, giving him a pitying look. “And he has a kid."

Alex hasn't heard anything about TK Strand in over four years. That's about to change.

Alex Fletcher walks into Gramercy Tavern twenty minutes later than he agreed to meet his friends. He already dreads what is sure to be a lecture on his constant tardiness from the group, but more so, what he knows will be pointed looks when they see he’s come alone instead of with his boyfriend.

Spotting them to the left of the restaurant, he starts to make his way over to them. “Sorry, sorry,” he starts to say with a charming smile as all five of them look up at his voice, hoping to curb the scolding before it starts. “The 6 train was an absolute mess. It got the 33rd street and then refused to go forward.”

Liz and Becca share a look at his excuse, and Alex has to keep from rolling his eyes at them. He gets it. Being late is one of his less desirable character traits, and they find it annoying, but after over a decade of friendship, he thinks they should get over it by now.

“Yeah, the trains have been acting up all week,” Malcolm offers while his wife Patricia gives him a small smile, the two of them ever the peacemakers of the group. “Sit down, man.”

Alex offers his friends a more sincere smile, shaking hands with him and his other buddy Chris before giving all three women kisses on the cheek.

“Where is Dean?” Patricia asks politely, and Alex winces at her mistake. It’s been a while since he and Dean ended things, but it’s also been a while since Patricia has joined her husband at one of their dinners.

“We broke up a few months ago,” he tells her, his face feeling tight from his fake smile. “I’m dating someone new now. His name is Wallace.”

“Oh,” Patricia says softly, going a little red in the face at her blunder. “My apologies, Alex.”

He waves her off, wanting to move on from the embarrassing moment quickly. “No worries, Patty,” he says to her. “And Wallace wanted to come, but he had to work,” he explains, trailing off lamely, not believing the lie himself, but it’s not like he can tell his friends that Wallace simply didn’t want to come because he thought it would be boring.

His friends all give him understanding, if not quite believing looks, and Alex wonders just how pathetic his expression is that they don’t push for more.

The mood around the table is awkward and quiet, making his skin feel tight. Thankfully their waiter comes over to take their drink order, easing the moment, giving him something else to focus on.

He starts to loosen up once there is a vodka soda in his hand. He listens to Liz as she talks about her latest architecture project, laughs at the funny story Chris tells them about his 1st-grade class painting the class bunny with washable markers. He’s enjoying their company, forgetting for a moment that his boyfriend should be there with him getting to know his friends when Becca’s eyes light up as Chris wraps up another story about his students.

“You guys will never believe who I saw yesterday walking out of FAO Schwarz,” she starts, her brown eyes lighting up with the chance to share some juicy gossip.

Alex leans in, already intrigued by the look on her face.

“Who?” Liz asks with a grin, curious herself.

“TK Strand,” Becca answers, saying the name with emphasis, and Alex gets why even as he feels shock go through him. It’s been over four years since he has seen or heard from TK. Not since the night he stopped him from proposing, confessing he was in love with someone else.

Mitchell, he thinks bitterly as he takes a large gulp of his drink. In the end, he’d turned out to be Alex’s own personal karma for hurting TK.

Walking in on him and another guy from their gym eight months into their official relationship had been a kick in the teeth and a hard lesson to learn.

He shakes his head to clear it from the lousy memory just in time to hear Becca’s following comment, shocking him more than her first. “I’m sorry,” he gasps, not believing what she’s just said. “Say that again, please.”

Becca looks at him, hesitating as she bites down on her lip, looking remorseful for a moment, probably remembering that out of all of them, he’d be the one with the most invested interest.

“I said he’s married,” she repeats herself softly, giving him a pitying look. “And he has a kid. They were coming out of the toy store when I bumped into them, and he introduced them to me. His husband’s name is Carlos, and their little boy is Luca. Really cute kid – was talking a mile a minute about all the toys in the place, and given all the bags they had, they must have bought him half the store.”

“Wow,” Chris breathes out, his surprise evident. “I can’t believe he’s married and with a kid. How old do you think?”

“Four,” Becca answers instantly. “I asked Luca, and he held up his fingers.”

Alex shakes his head again. It’s been four years since he and TK were together, and he has a four-year-old son. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he says mostly to himself.

“I get the feeling he’s adopted,” Becca answers. “Or maybe Carlos’ son,” she continues with a shrug. “But he called TK dad.”

“What was the husband like?” Liz questions, and Alex is grateful because he can’t bring himself to ask.

“He was polite and friendly,” Becca pauses, shooting him another look before continuing. “Ridiculously hot, and hopelessly in love with TK. I spent maybe ten minutes with them, and you guys should have seen the way he looked at him. It was like TK hung the moon.”

The table is quiet for a moment. For his benefit, he’s sure, as he tries to process everything he’s learned, when Liz speaks up again.

“Good for TK. He deserves that and more,” she says with a smile on her face that takes a hard edge when he shoots her a glare. “What?” she questions, her whole expression challenging him. “You didn’t take care of him when you guys were together, and he’s a great guy. I always liked him even though we lost touch after you broke up. I’m glad he’s found happiness.”

Alex bites down on the urge to lash out at his friend, not only is it a losing battle with Liz, but deep down in the parts of him where he has buried his guilt and shame at his past actions, he knows he can’t argue with the truth she just laid on him.

֎֎֎

The rest of the dinner is awkward to say the least. Even though they move on from TK, Alex can’t stop thinking about his ex and what he’s learned. He pulls Becca to the side as they’re leaving, grilling her for any more information she might have.

She finally tells him TK had mentioned they were staying with his mother and little brother – one of the few things he did know about TK and his family since Gwyneth and his father ran in the same legal circles. He’d learned about the woman’s surprise pregnancy almost three years ago.

Becca looks at him as he absorbs the information before letting out a heavy sigh, reminding him not to do anything stupid.

He’d given her an absent nod that even he didn’t believe. Which is probably why he’s outside of Gwyneth’s Park Avenue apartment in a hat and sunglasses like a stalker, hoping to catch a glimpse of his ex and his husband.

Whether luck is on his side or karma wants to teach him another lesson, he doesn’t have to wait long. He’s been outside of the swanky apartment building for maybe 15 minutes, trying to decide what exactly he thinks he’s doing, when the front door opens and out walks the person he wants to see.

He ducks behind a tree just in time to not be spotted, peeking behind it to look at the small family.

TK, at 26-years-old, had been a beautiful man; Alex remembers that well. But now, at 30, he’s even more stunning if that’s even possible. He walks out of the building with a tall, muscular man Alex instantly recognizes as the ‘ridiculously hot’ mystery husband. Each of them with a little boy in their arms.

“So what are we doing today?” he hears TK ask with a grin on his face as the little boys instantly start to chant, ‘Park, park, park!’

“I wanna see the penguins, Dada,” exclaims the little boy in the arms of TK’s husband. Carlos and Luca, he remembers.

TK smiles softly at his son before looking at the child in his own arms. “What about you, little brother? Do you want to go to the Central Park Zoo and see the penguins?” he asks, tickling his chin, getting a happy giggle along with a nod from the little boy.

TK’s grin grows before he looks over at his husband, getting a nod from the man too.

“It’s unanimous then,” TK proclaims in an animated voice that has the boys lighting up. “To the park! To the penguins!”

The pair of boys let out a ‘yeah!’ leaning over at each other to share a clumsy high-five that has the adults laughing.

“You just had to rile them up, troublemaker,” Carlos scolds TK, and he might be a stranger to Alex, but he can tell it’s said with amused fondness.

“You love me,” TK teases his husband, going easily when the man reaches out to tug him in closer by his shirt, turning his face up as his husband leans in to kiss him, tilting to the side to keep the boys out of the way.

Alex swallows hard at the display. Even from where he’s hiding, he can see TK’s bright smile and dancing green eyes once he and his husband break the kiss.

“Always, my love,” Carlos tells TK as he kisses the side of his face adoringly.

“Dada, Papa,” Luca groans out. “Kissing later, park now,” he continues, much to the amusement of the two men.

“So demanding,” TK teases, leaning in to kiss the little boy’s cheek too, laughing at the face he makes. “Okay, let’s go.”

They start towards the park, and Alex hesitates for a moment. He’s seen and heard TK and his family with his own eyes and ears. It’s obvious his ex is happy and not at all thinking about him. He should turn around in the opposite direction and leave before his luck runs out and they spot him. It’s the reasonable thing to do, and yet he finds himself following them about half a block back, keeping his head down.

He can’t hear them from this distance, but he can watch them. He takes in the way the two men hold hands while each holding on to a child, listening and chatting with the two little ones. Everything about them screams family, and Alex can’t deny the dull ache it causes inside his chest.

Is this what he and TK could have had?

He follows them through the park until they come to a series of benches. He watches as TK hands over his little brother to his husband, the man easily carrying both kids. TK sits down, but no one else does. Instead, he waves at them as his husband walks away with the children, leaving TK alone.

Alex hesitates again. This is his chance to approach TK, and yet he’s frozen in place by indecision.

A moment later, his ex takes the choice out of his hand.

He startles as TK turns his head to look straight at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you just going to stand there?” he calls out to him casually, the picture of calm as he places his arms on the backrest of the bench. It’s different from the TK he remembers, who was always constantly bouncing his legs with nervous energy.

“How did you – “ he starts, feeling awkward and off-balance.

“I didn’t,” TK answers with a shrug as Alex gets closer to him. “It was Carlos who realized. He’s a cop. Noticing weirdos is kind of his job.”

Alex cringes at the descriptor as he comes to a stop in front of him. “Hi, TK,” he says lamely, wincing again at the high pitch sound of his voice.

TK raises an eyebrow at him again. “Hello, Alex. Any particular reason you’re following us in that get-up?” he questions, pointing at his hat and sunglasses.

Alex feels his face grow hot at the question. He reaches up, taking them off. “Becca said she saw you,” he says uncomfortably, getting a casual nod back from his ex. “And I got curious,” he continues weakly. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“That sounds like poor impulse control,” TK mutters to himself. He moves to the side, leaving half the bench open for Alex to decide if he wants to take a seat or not.

Alex would be embarrassed by the speed with which he takes the offer, but the joy at being allowed to get closer overrides that. Neither says anything after he sits down, him because he’s nervous, TK it seems because he’s simply waiting him out.

“So,” he starts slowly. “You’re visiting?”

TK looks at him, seeming to study him before giving him a nod. “We try to see my mother and my little brother Robbie every few months. Sometimes they come to see us, but New York is always pretty in the spring, and Luca has never been.”

“That’s your son,” he blurts out, his face going hot again at the look TK shoots him.

“Becca shared everything, did she,” he questions with a dry smile, shaking his head to himself.

“The group had dinner,” he explains, not needing to add who exactly was there. There was a time when TK would have sat right next to him at one of those dinners, charming everyone with stories about fighting fires and daring rescues.

“Ah,” TK exhales softly. “It’s nice you all still do that. They’re good people. I liked them.”

“They liked you too,” Alex answers, giving TK a half-smile. “Liz was thrilled to hear that you’re married and have a kid. She’s happy you’re happy.”

TK smiles, this time more genuine. “That sounds like her,” he comments, looking nostalgic for the first time. “She was always kind to me,” he finishes, not adding anything else.

It goes quiet between them again, causing Alex’s nerves to fray at the edges. He’s not used to this TK. The one he remembers always filled the silence, even if it was just with nervous chatter.

“So, are you?” he can’t help but blurt out, swallowing nervously when TK gives him a curious look. “Are you happy?”

TK lets out a huff, and while he doesn’t smile or laugh, Alex can see a hint of amusement in his bottle-green eyes. “Is that why you’re here? You want to know if I’m happy?”

He feels the hairs at the back of his neck stand at the mocking he hears in TK’s voice. “Is that so crazy?” he questions defensively. “The last time we spoke wasn’t precisely the best encounter – “

“That’s because I was getting ready to propose to you and instead found out you were fucking around my back with a spin instructor,” TK interrupts him, surprising Alex with how calm he is. There is no anger or reproach in TK’s voice like Alex anticipated, just a simple fact. It hurts Alex more than he expected to witness how unaffected TK seems. “How is Mitchell by the way?”

Alex clenches his fists, his nails digging into his palms as embarrassment courses through him. He wants to stand up and walk away from this. He’s not sure what he’d hoped to accomplish by seeking TK out, but it’s clear now whatever it was, he isn’t going to get it.

He looks at TK to find a mild curiosity on his face, like Alex’s answer doesn’t really matter to him one way or another.

“We broke up,” he answers anyway, taking a breath to try to soothe the ache before his next words. “I found him in our bed with someone else less than a year after you and I broke up.”

“Well shit,” TK says quietly, letting out a breath of his own. He doesn’t look gloating the way he has a right to look. Instead, he looks at Alex with what can only be called compassion. “Karma didn’t just pay you back. It sucker-punched you in the face, huh?”

Alex lets out a startled laugh at the description. TK joins him with a chuckle of his own, and Alex welcomes it even if it’s at his own expense. They laugh for a few seconds before they let it trail off.

“To answer your question,” TK starts to say. He looks at him, bobbing his head softly. “Yes, I’m happy. I’m the kind of happy where I wake up in the morning, look at my husband sleeping, usually with our kid between us, and I can’t believe just how lucky I am.”

“You love him,” Alex whispers, not really needing an answer when he can see it clearly on his face.

TK answers anyway. “He’s my soulmate,” he says with a smile that isn’t directed at him at all. It’s directed at the man who walked away with two kids in his arms minutes before. “I used to think that was you,” he continues, his voice sounding far away, lost in the past while Alex aches in the present. “I was so sure of it once, and then I met Carlos. I was still a mess about you, and I wasn’t looking to fall in love at all, but there he was, and I fell. I fell so fast, Alex. Years later, I’m still falling in love with him every single day.”

“That sounds – “ Alex starts, exhaling through the dull throbbing in his chest. “Scary, honestly.”

TK smiles, bright and beautiful, just like Alex remembers. “It is,” he says with a short laugh. “It’s terrifying, but it’s also amazing, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.”

Alex nods quietly to himself.

“I’m sorry you haven’t found that yet,” TK continues softly because it seems that surprising Alex is the name of the game today. He gives TK a shocked look that has him giving Alex a compassionate look back. “I never wished you ill will. I was hurt and angry after everything went to hell between us, but in the end, I wanted you to find someone to love the way you couldn’t love me and for that person to love you back just the same.”

Alex swallows hard at TK’s words, feeling overwhelmed by them. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

TK looks away from him, and Alex follows his gaze to find that his husband and the kids are coming back with ice cream in their hands. “Thank you for saying that,” he says softly as he stands. He looks down at Alex, giving him a slight quirk of his mouth. “Goodbye, Alex. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Alex watches TK walk away from him, knowing it will be the last time he’ll see him. “Goodbye, TK,” he whispers at his back, feeling the loss more now than he did four years ago.

֎֎֎

“Dada, we got ice cream!” Luca exclaims happily as he slurps on his spiderman popsicle.

“I can see that. Can I have a taste of spidey?” he questions, leaning in when Luca sweetly offers him his treat. “Mmm, that’s yummy. Thank you, sweetheart.”

Luca smiles up at him, his face already a sticky red and blue mess. He looks at Robbie to see his face is yellow from his Spongebob popsicle. He smiles at them fondly as he turns his backpack to his front, searching for the wet wipes to clean their faces.

“We got you a cone with sprinkles,” Carlos says with a smile, though TK can see the worry in his eyes. “Is everything okay?”

TK looks at his husband, taking in his concern for him along with his ever-present love, and smiles as he remembers what he just told Alex moments ago. The love he and Carlos share is so strong – it can be frightening at times to feel so much and so intensely for another person, but like he told Alex, he wouldn’t change it for the world when it means Carlos loves him back just as strongly.

“Yeah, baby,” he answers, reaching out to touch Carlos’ cheek. “Everything is okay,” he smiles at his husband before looking down at his son and little brother. “Better than okay because we’re going to go see some penguins!”

Luca and Robbie cheer happily.

“Let’s go, Robbie,” Luca says to his uncle, throwing an arm over the other little boy’s shoulder.

TK and Carlos watch them walk a few steps ahead of them, chatting away the way only little kids can.

“You sure you’re alright?” Carlos asks as he hands him a melting ice cream. TK takes it, giving it a few licks to keep it from dripping.

“I swear, babe,” he assures him as he wraps an arm around Carlos’ waist. “We talked, and then we said goodbye.”

“What did he want?” Carlos asks curiously.

TK shrugs. He’ll be honest even after talking to Alex; he’s still not entirely sure what the other man wanted out of the conversation. “I’m not even sure he knows,” he answers after a moment. “He apologized for the past and asked me if I was happy. Maybe he was feeling guilty.”

“What did you tell him?” Carlos questions, a smile playing on his mouth when TK shoots him a look. “What?” he asks innocently, and TK can’t help but chuckle at his fishing.

“I told him,” he starts to say, making sure that he’s holding Carlos’ gaze, as usual falling in love all over again as he gets lost in Carlos’ soulful brown eyes. “That every morning, I wake up amazed I got so lucky to love and be loved by you.”

Carlos pulls him to his side, pressing his face into his neck. “I’m the lucky one, Ty,” he whispers against his skin.

TK smiles at Carlos’ words, his smile growing as Luca shouts for them to keep up; the penguins are waiting. “We both are, my love.”

#911 lone star #tarlos #911 lone star fic #tarlos fic #tk x carlos #outsider POV #my writing

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