#(ive watched that show since i was like 15/16)

[kuroimarzipan]

9 people to get to know better

tagged by @outeremissary, thanks!! i just finished cleaning the house so i can sit down and do this now hehe

Last Song: this swing version of the brachydios theme that my friend cas showed me

Favourite colour: orange!!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently watching: had to put any tv shows down for now cause its too cold to go downstairs and use the tv, so ive just been watching youtube things like how to drink. ill finish dunmeshi when it gets warm enough tho

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: hell yeah brother i love food

Relationship status: in a relationship. also story time theres this 15 year old kid working for my company now and when i realised id been in a relationship with my partner for almost as long (about 12 years) as this kid has been alive i felt super old. she just broke up with her boyfriend and i had no advice for her because ive been dating the same guy since i was like 16. sorry girl

Current obsession: i just started playing fields of mistria and its so good. elsie and terithia old woman yuri please write it someone

last thing you googled: nakarkos (its a monster from monster hunter and its theme is so spooky im gonna use it in my pf campaign)

UM who to tag. i cbf checking if yall have done this already so @camelliagwerm @arendaes @omgkalyppso @zekedms ok i give up on thinking of 9 people and you also dont have to actually do this if u dont want lol

[webvampzz]

Hey regarding the question thing can I get your answers to 9 and 31

YAYAAYY I LOVE ANSWERING THESE TYY

Ok so

9. idk if ive ever had a true accomplishment tbh but probably passing an exam i knew i was gonna fail? ( im so sorry i cant think of anything)

10. i am allergic to mango

11. highs- when i bought a game i really wanted and was able to lore dump for hours, lows was when i had a breakdown ( rlly bad one ) to some music i dont remember the reason but i was 100℅ sure i wasnt gonna make it to today ( sorry about the personal vent,, tldr i had a breakdown with music playing thats it)

12. definitely spain. no clue why but definitely spain or france

13. i listen to ambience / save room music and rant to myself . or just music in general and rant to myself

14. pinterest and last fm ( or any app that lets u track what music/ movies uve watch i love stats and numbers sm)

15. lore nerd with bad taste in movies

16. i like my eyes the most so probably those

17. im somewhat good at writing but only about my interests

18. i am terrible at math and science

19. im ngl probably anytime i went to the doctor and they asked me about how im doing mentally

20. radiohead was named after the talking heads song and they were originally called on a friday because theyd practice on fridays hence the name

21. probably myself? i dont like revealing much about me to anybody tbh

22. my keyboard and guitar definitely i love them sm esp the key board

23. one that ive had since 5th grade iirc,, idk how long its been tho but its defo been a long time since we've been friends

24. when i realized i had to get a job eventually snd pay taxes and move out someday

25. ive never played any :(

26. bad

27. night owl, i wish i were an early bird though 😭

28. i kinda do but i kinda dont its hard to explain. more on the not at all side though

29. these r very weird answers ik i sound like an edgelord rn 😭

" i want to be someone else or ill explode " ( talk show host by radiohead)

" we were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good" ( pink triangle by weezer)

" a heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that wont heal " ( no surprises by radiohead)

" you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking " ( nude by radiohead)

30. probably just basic self care like showering i dont do anything past that tbh

31. thom yorke, thomas edward yorke, the radiohead singer ( i cant think of anyone else 😭)

Im actually so sorry if any of these were too personal or the answers were too long 😭 i just really like answering these but in so sorry if they seem weird or like im venting

[c0tards--s0luti0n]

what adventure time episodes are necessary for the plot. like only the plot episodes no filler

okay before i list all em i can not stress enough how much you should watch the whole series . i only skip some episodes since this shows my biggest special interest ever so ive naturally rewatched it alot . the "filler" is so important please also theres alot of mix of filler and plot so its kind of hard to list . theres not really a main plot so i suggest watching all of the episodes listed even if theyre character focused and not main plot . also watch the whole series

okay each episode will be color coded . red = marceline , orange/yellow = jake , green = finn , blue = ice king/simon , pink = princess bubblegum , purple = lich . no color means general plot/character episode . two or more colors means multiple character focus . for characters without colors ill put their names in brackets after the episode name

not including the fiona and cake episodes in here at all since theyre really just a sideplot . saying again just watching the plot important episodes is such a disservice to the show , theres so many great side characters and character development in the "filler"

season 5 episode 5: "The Enchiridion!"

season 2 episode 1: "It Came From The Nightosphere" (+ hunson abadeer)

season 2 episode 10: "To Cut a Woman's Hair" (this doesnt seem important but comes back later)

season 2 episode 18: "Susan Strong" (+ susan strong)

season 2 episodes 24 and 25: "Mortal Folly" and "Mortal Recoil"

season 3 episode 5: "Too Young" (+ lemongrab)

season 3 episode 10: "What Was Missing"

season 3 episode 14: "Beutopia" (+ susan strong)

season 3 episodes 19 and 20: "Holly Jolly Secrets"

season 3 episode 26: "Incendium" (+ flame princess)

season 4 episode 1: "Hot To The Touch" (+ flame princess)

season 4 episodes 5 and 6: "Return to the Nightosphere" and "Daddy's Little Monster" (+ hunson abadeer)

season 4 episode 15: "Sons of Mars" (+ magic man) (+ grob gob glob grod)

season 4 episode 16: "Burning Low" (+ flame princess)

season 4 episode 20: "You Made Me" (+ lemongrab)

season 4 episode 25: "I Remember You"

season 4 episode 26: "The Lich"

season 5 episode 1 and 2: "Finn the Human" and "Jake the Dog" (+ prismo) (+ farmworld finn)

season 5 episode 6: "Jake the Dad"

season 5 episode 9: "All Your Fault" (+ lemongrab)

season 5 episode 14: "Simon and Marcy"

season 5 episode 31: "Too Old" (+ lemongrab and lemonhope)

season 5 episode 48: "Betty" (+ betty grof)

season 5 episodes 50 and 51: "Lemonhope" (+ lemonhope)

season 6 episode 1 and 2: "Wake Up" and "Escape from the Citadel" (+ martin mertens)

season 6 episode 4: "The Tower"

season 6 episode 6: "Breezy" (sexual assault warning for this one. god i dont like this episode at all its really HORRIBLY handled but its kinda important)

season 6 episode 19: "Is That You?" (+ prismo)

season 6 episode 24: "Evergreen"

season 6 episode 25: "Astral Plane" (+ grob gob glob grod)

season 6 episode 27: "The Visitor" (+ martin mertens)

season 6 episode 33: "Jermaine" (+ jermaine)

season 6 episode 40: "Orgalorg" (+ gunter/orgalorg)

season 6 episodes 42 and 43: "Hot Diggity Doom" and "The Comet" (+ gunter/orgalorg)

season 7 episode 1: "Bonnie & Neddy"

season 7 episode 2: "Varmints"

season 7 episodes 7-13: the stakes miniseries

season 7 episode 21: "King's Ransom" (+ betty grof)

season 7 episode 23: "Crossover"

season 8 episode 1: "Broke His Crown" (+ betty)

season 8 episode 5: "I Am A Sword"

season 8 episode 7: "Normal Man" (+ magic/normal man)

season 8 episode 8: "Elemental" (+ patience st pim) (+ slime princess) (+ flame princess)

season 8 episodes 12 and 13: "Preboot" "Reboot" (+ susan strong) (+ fern)

season 8 episode 14: "Two Swords" (+ fern)

season 8 episode 15: "Do No Harm" (+ fern)

season 8 episode 19: "Jelly Beans Have Power"

season 8 episodes 20-27: islands (+ susan strong)

season 9 episodes 2-9: elemental (+ flame princess) (+ slime princess)

season 9 episode 10: "Abstract" (+ jermaine)

season 9 episode 13: "Whispers" (+ fern)

season 9 episode 14: "Three Buckets" (+ fern)

season 10 episode 1: "The Wild Hunt"

season 10 episode 4: "Bonnibel Bubblegum"

season 10 episode 5: "Seventeen" (+ fern)

season 10 episode 7: "Marcy & Hunson" (+ hunson abadeer)

(break cause i hit the text per block limit)

season 10 episode 10: "Jake the Starchild"

season 10 episode 11: "Temple of Mars" (+ betty) (+ normal/magic man)

season 10 episode 12: "Gumbaldia"

season 10 episode 13: "Come Along With Me"

[urfavisapermaregressor]

Hi !! Just a few questions as someone who's suspecting that they're a permaregressor.

1. How'd you figure out you were one?

2. when/how old bodily were you when you did?

3. Is there a limit on body age and believing you're a permaregressor?

4. Would it be okay for someone to believe they're a permaregressor, but find out in future that they weren't? (Just incase)

I send my thanks in advance, and hope this ask finds you well

1. well i think for someone to find out they are a permaregressor you would just need to know/identify with the term. i know for me personally ever since i turned 15/16 i just felt stuck at that age mentally, and even when i was younger than that my parents and some teachers would say i was immature for my age and it really messed with me because i did nothing but be myself yet all these people looked down on me for being "immature" for seemingly no reason.

i have never been interested in typical things people my age should have been interested in. when i was a kid i hated live action shows and just wanted to watch cartoons. when i was 13 all my friends were just obsessed with boys and loved drama but i just wanted to listen to musicals and watch anime lol. they thought i was crazyyyy

and even to this day, it's the same. i feel so insanely disconnected from my peers and ive described it as "i feel like i missed a class on how to grow up. everybody else attended." i also have just been stunted mentally due to trauma and abuse as well, so that's a factor too.

but i found the term permaregression last year while looking for discussion of a fictional character. the character is a canon age regressor and i was shocked to see nobody talking about it. she is regressed due to trauma and sadly, her trauma was used as a joke in her source. but it said she was "permanently regressed to 2 years old" after she expierence something traumatic.

she even has a whole story arc where she regresses to a 5-6 year old girl and cries when she is told she's actually 19 and i heavily related to it. so i looked her name up + agere to find literally nothing except one post saying she was a canon permaregressor. i had never heard of what a permaregressor was so i clicked the link to the original post and was like "oh wow this makes my life make a lot of sense actually" and the more i read the more i realized i was one. so that's how i realized i was a permaregressor.

prior to finding the term, i always felt like i was never fully not regressed if that makes sense. like i figured out that i regressed to ages 4-9 but when i wasn't regressed i still felt like i was regressed. and when i found out about permare it made everything make sense.

kind of a silly story but lmao

2. i was 18

3. i mean i don't think so, i wouldn't tell someone they aren't a permaregressor just based off their age because it can happen at any age

4. yes, i used to think i was bi but the whole time i was actually a lesbian. labels are allowed to change and they're allowed to be wrong, it's okay if that's the case. you don't know what you don't know.

you can identify with permaregression, its terms, and the struggles of being one and not be a permaregressor. i've seen some people also use the term permakid or just identify with agere but not permaregression. it just depends on the person

i hope i could help!

[sangyeonsmuse]

BREAK THE WALLS | Kim Hongjoong

Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Full Chapter List

🀥 Government agent Hongjoong x Rebel Oc

🀥 genre | dystopian society, halazia x geurilla concept , enemies to lovers

🀥 word count | 914

🀥 Summary | An organization by the name of Sector 1 was well known for their work in the underground, theyve been well known for the recruiting of teens and using them to form an army since the year 2034. Collecting strays for their rebellion against those in higher power. Now the year is 2064 and the organization still runs strong they run like a family, with the new technology theyve found ways of keeping alive those that have been scorned in any past battles theyve had against the government.

When the government sends in 7 of their best men to infiltrate the organization. What will they do when their cover is blown and their true intentions are revealed? Will they join the rebellion or will they continue to let the government pull their strings like the little puppets they once were?

"So you and Hira have been spending a loooot of time together these days." Seonghwa spoke to Hongjoong as he sat across the man who was reading peacefully on his bed.

"Yeah, she is our trainer, thats kind of the point of everything." He responds half heartedly

"Bullshit you know exactly what im getting at here, you like her." Seonghwa teased his best friend with a huge grin on his face

"Did you hit your head or something? Has wooyoung been playing with the accelerator gun again?" Hongjoong places his book open side down onto the bed.

"We've known each other for more than ten years hongjoong . I can tell by now when you're trying to avoid something. You like her, truth be told i think you have had a thing for her since the moment we got here."

"I just like hanging out with her, okay? She's fun to be around now that she's no longer so fussy and angry all the time."

"Are you sure that's all there is to it? Because i've seen the way you smile at her. The way your lips curl up into that satisfied grin every time you call her Tahani despite her telling you to call her Hira. You're always the first to volunteer to spar with her and sometimes the two of you sit alone in the memory room for quite some time not coming out until hours later." At Seonghwas words hongjoong simply sighs as he thought over his next few words.

"I don't know Seonghwa, getting close to her- since the first time she showed me her memories I could feel there was something more to her than she let others see. Shes so strong willed and determined and at such a young age she was able to tell right from wrong and set her own path. I'll admit when we all had our first encounter with her when we arrived I told myself I wouldn't even get involved with someone that wanted nothing to do with us, but I let my curiosity get the best of me at some point. She's a lot deeper than I thought she was that day. Yeah she's always been beautiful but, ive always seen more than that."

"So you do like her..why not tell her how you feel? I mean there's no telling what happens during the evaluations especially if we fail to pull through."

"I cant tell her because I'm not good for her Seonghwa. Looking back at her memories all anyone from Alaura towers has ever done was cause her to suffer. If I tell her how I feel and at some point in time she ends up broken that all will fall upon me and I don't think I can take being the one to make her break. Because of Eden she lost her family, a normal life, and even her and Jonghos friends. Though on the outside she's tough her memories have all shown how fragile she could be and I don't want to be the reason she breaks.

Skylar district April 5th 2064

"I got it i finally got it!" Yeosang bursts into their shared living quarters scaring Mingi who had been half asleep on the couch nearly half to death.

"Got what exactly" wooyoung responds watching as Yeosang scattered a bunch of papers over the coffee table.

"Is Hira here?" He asks looking specifically to hongjoong

"No, she and Jongho are out training with some of the new recruits to help prepare them for the evaluations." His response earns a small cheer from Yeosang who rushes back to the door to slam it shut.

"Whats this about Yeo?" Seongwa asks as he emerges from the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand.

"Well as all of you know ive been a little absent lately due to my time in the OASIS."

"Eris has seen more of you in the last few months than we ever have." Mingi spits out and the others simply nod their heads in agreement before edging him to go on.

"That aside, you know how Hira can no longer feel some of the things or do some of the things She used to right? Ever since we decided to stay ive been trying to figure out some kind of way to make it possible for her to feel again and i finally got it." He hands each of them his findings as he continued on with his explanation.

"Micro androdic skin regeneration. Basically if we take these little microbots and get them through her blood stream it'll regenerate skin. Though it wont help with the fact that she can no longer have kids, if we do this she'll be able to love a normal life again. Go out in the rain, feel the heat of the sun, yknow."

"Yeosang, this is amazing." Sans eyes scanned over the paper in amazement.

"She's gonna be so happy to hear this." Seonghwa adds on before placing the paper back on the table.

"There's just two small details that can make or break this discovery." They all stared up at him cautiously waiting for his next words.

"Theres a 50% chance that if the surgery isnt performed right..we just might lose her"

"And the other thing?" Yunho asks, knowing that after the first thing he said the next couldn't be any better

"The equipment we need, the microbots we need aren't here at Sector 1 they're in the alaura tower."

[cricketnationrise]

Weekend WIP Around

so. i'm bad at responding to tag games at the best of times. and then i worked 11 days straight and lost all sense of time and space. but! ive had several days off now, my head is screwed on relatively straight again, so here we go. thanks to: @cha-melodius @three-drink-amy @inexplicablymine @affectionatelyrs @dumbpeachjuice @welcometololaland @celaestis1 @indomitable-love @14carrotghoul @rmd-writes @doggernaut @sherryvalli @kiwiana-writes @leaves-of-laurelin and @read-and-write- for the MANY tags over the last two weeks! have some words! 💜🦗

I'm using @welcometololaland's 20 question game for writers and artists (thanks Lola, this is so fun!)

1. WIP List: (from my "Active WIPs" folder otherwise we'd be here 5eva) Game Changer (Noise Boys) Tortall AU [FTH] rwrb assassination attempt AU [FTH] jon/alanna Tortall canon-divergence [FTH] an incomplete list series going platinum sequel jack's off-season wishlist series rwrb kiss-cam omgcp say yes to the dress au

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? Game Changer AU ~2.4k

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? eventually an incomplete list series since it has the most parts planned, but the going platinum sequel has more than a little potential to explode on me

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why? I am SUPER enjoying writing the Game Changer AU right now, it's really fun coming up with all the prompts!

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why? jon/alanna canon-divergence. hands down. it's not a pairing i usually seek out, and i want to write them believably, especially since it's for charity

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? see above.

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? probably everything on this list will get a beta pass, actually. kiss cam will depend on how long i end up making it/if it actually gets a whole plot XD

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? jon/alanna has less of a writer's block and more of a starting block, but i'm hopeful that once i figure out the plot the writing will come fairly easily. kiss-cam au I paused on purpose because i was writing The Mummy AU and Going Platinum at the same time and a third wip was driving me crazy.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them? none of them have OC's at this time

10. Which WIP is the sexiest? Going Platinum sequel 🤝 Jack's Off-Season Wishlist

11. Which WIP is the angstiest? rwrb assassination attempt AU, for obvious reasons

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? well, i hope all of them!

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? ditto from above

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on? as of today, Game Changer Tortall AU

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? Going Platinum sequel. I cut a lot of ideas from the original fic because they didn't make sense with the hiding identities I had going on, so now that they're together, I'm really excited to figure out how alex's job (and henry's support of it) lets their relationship evolve and grow

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs? not about any of these, but while I was writing the Mummy AU I watched the movie so frequently that I would regularly dream about that one.

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? Going Platinum sequel - choreography complications since they still aren't showing their faces on the streams Game Changer Tortall AU - working within the framework of the show itself, possibly coding the whole thing to look like a script

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Game Changer AU for sure.

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? not right now!

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs. say yes to the dress au - Bitty as Randy, but it's a Nurseydex endgame fic AND a bonus snippet from the Game Changer Tortall fic to make up for all the 6/7 sentences/wip weds i've missed :D

“Tonight’s guests: coming in fresh from a shower: it’s Merric Hollyrose! Looking around for somewhere to tie his horse: Owen Jesslaw! Tallest, oldest, last – and certainly not happy about it – it’s Neal Queenscove! And your host, me! I’ve been here the whole time.” “Welcome to Gamechanger, the only game show where the game changes every show. I am your host, Kel Mindelan, and I’m joined today by these three lovely contestants. Now, you all understand how the game works?” Merric shakes his head. “Nope.”  “Haven’t the foggiest,” says Owen cheerful as always in the face of the unknown. “You haven’t explained a dratted thing.” Neal pouts and Kel feels the last wisps of nerves melt away in response. Kel knows how to do this – getting Neal to hit peak dramatically grumpy levels is as natural as breathing. She throws Neal a cheeky grin before turning back to the camera. “That’s right! Our players have no idea what game it is that they’re about to play. The only way to learn is by playing, the only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning, so without further ado – let’s begin.”

Consider this an open tag to play along!

[bonesandthebees]

ello bones hope youre doing good

just found even more cool songs thanks to you, how do you always have more???

also WE COULDVE HAD YOU DOING ASL??? aw man :( (/lh)

anyway, I just turned in my paper that ive been working on for the last few months (yay, finally, it ate like all of my free time and energy) and suddenly I have too much free time and not much too read or watch (I had saved so many fics I cant manage to read anymore)

any coming of age books (or fics) or movies recommendations? (I need me some honey and tangerines vibes yk? ive been listening to the playlist too much again. one day I think ill read that fic again, but today is not the day)

much love to go you all in the ask box, eli <3

I'm doing pretty good! went to a yoga class tonight and I'm seeing the tommyinnit live show tomorrow so it's shaping up to be a pretty great weekend!

I actually filmed a video to post here on language day and everything but I wanted to redo it so my face wasn't fully in frame but then I just didn't get around to it :( oh well next time

OOO congrats on turning in that paper!! that's a huge accomplishment, I hope you get a great grade on it. and yay for free time!

oh boy ok coming of age recs I can do this. I haven't read any coming of age books since I was a teenager though so keep in my my memory of these are all hazy

books:

the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky - hallmarker of the coming of age genre, read this when I was 16 and cried, even if you've seen the movie I highly recommend the book

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz - literally was one of my favorite books for so many years. I read it when I was 15 and became obsessed with it. I still look back on it so warmly it's just such a great book

it's kind of a funny story by ned vizzini - also read this one when I was like 16ish. I remembered enjoying it but not as much as the other two I've listed here. still very good though!

movies:

cha cha real smooth (2022) - actually one of my favorite coming of age films I've ever seen. it's a coming of age film about a guy in his early 20s instead of in his teens which is refreshing in its own. it hit particularly hard for me because I saw it when I was 22 and freshly graduated from college unsure what to do, the main character is 22 and freshly graduated from college unsure what to do. it's also a very unique setup and I really loved how they pulled it off

the edge of seventeen (2016) - this might be a controversial pick because the main character is actually pretty insufferable in this, but that's part of why I enjoyed it. the character is meant to be insufferable. she's a teenage girl dealing with the hell of being a teenage girl and she sucks! it's an intentional thing and it does it very well! I would say it still falls flat in some areas, but I'm mainly recommending it because it's so refreshing to have an mc genuinely be a shitty person

sing street (2016) - I count this as a coming of age movie but it's also kind of a music movie? it's incredibly fun no matter what. the songs are so catchy, the characters are all great, and the relationships are just all very well done

the kings of summer (2013) - genuinely why do I never hear anyone talk about this movie. I haven't seen it in so long but I remember it being incredibly funny with a great dose of summertime whimsy

hunt for the wilderpeople (2016) - tbh I never thought of this as a coming of age movie and it might be a bit different than most of the films on here but I was looking up lists of coming of age movies to try and remember which ones I've seen and I saw this one mentioned a few times. if you're a fan of taika waititi films, in my opinion this is his best one hands down. it's hilarious but also incredibly sweet and heartwarming at the same time

moonrise kingdom (2012) - very charming and storybook esque in the way all wes anderson films are, but with a really sweet story between two kids at its core. again, different from most of the ones on this list, but definitely an enjoyable one all the same

hope this list helps!

[revwack]

trigger warning for self harm imagery and vent

about 4 years ago, one night during quarantine i attempted to cut out my right eye. I didnt get very far and there isnt any damage to my sight, but theres a scar that shows when my skins irritated and sometimes it weeps. I feel comfortable talking about it now, and its not a trigger for me which is why i felt ok posting this art. i struggled with a self harm and mutilation addiction for a long time before and after it, so it didnt even really bother me really at the time. I had started self harming at around 9 and practiced consistantly until i was 16.

I remember after the incident i just kind of sat at my desk for hours watching youtube videos. I cleaned up the other areas and bandaged them, i took stolen prescriptions i shouldnt have to numb the pain. It also didnt help that the girl i had been clost friends with for a while and was dating then and for a long time after that heavily encouraged me to hurt myself because of her own twisted issues.

i was 15 years old. I had friends i could have called and i had family in the other room. But i still felt alone. Its been over 2 years now since ive had a self harm incident, and im better then ive ever been. I didnt think id ever be at the point where i could talk about it or go more than a few days without wanting to hurt myself.

honestly i dont think id be alive if it weren't for emo culture, even tho it definitely glamorized sh at times there where so many songs that made me feel less alone.

so to the people reading this that are self harming, your not a failure. You dont have to feel ashamed. It gets better one day. And even if you quit for a while and relapse, thats still better than doing it all the time. Please cut off people who encourage you to hurt yourself. Please be open with others you can trust about your issues. sometimes the only thing holding you back from it is jsut a distraction like a silly youtube video or band, and thats ok.

the msi song "kill the rock" reminded me of that night. Im not sure why. probably the lyric "nothing hurts anymore". its a double meaning for me. at the time nothing hurt anymore because i was to numb to feel the pain. I still have nerve damage. But now, those thoughts dont hurt anymore.

[florientius]

i hate ncis. i hate it. its the best goddamn forensic show ive watched and its even better now that i am watching it on netflix and IN ORDER. but goddamn its as bad as it is good.

i mean, i thought criminal minds was the worst show that couldnt keep track of their background (what, with rossi somehow being born is '56; and he was in the marine corps until '79 the latest which is like 7 years if he managed to enlist when he was 16. 16!! and he somehow managed to reach the rank of SERGEANT MAJOR! like,,, how?! at 23?!? wtf), but holy shit ncis just straight up doesnt care.

when we first ever see gibbs in jag he says that he was with NCIS/NIS for 19 years... and then we learn in S03E22 Hiatus II:

"Dr.Todd: Well, Gibbs recalls visiting his wife and daughter's graves, so his memory's up to at least june of '91, when he was released from Bethesda.

Ma'am Jenny: He joined NIS that August."

"Gibbs: ...so I could join NIS. NCIS. The Navy changed the name that same year. 19... 90... 90...?

Mike Franks: Two."

these two scenes were in the same ep for God's sake. and this tells us that he was an agent for 15 years. they even say it in the ep that gibbs doesnt believe he lost 15 years. so they manages to fuck up 2 timelines in the same ep. their og one where he was with ncis for 19 years and their newer one where they cant tell when he joined. gosh.

and and! in S04E03 Singled Out gibbs has a talk with mcgee:

"Gibbs: McGee... how long have I been an NCIS special agent?

McGee: Almost 16 years.

Gibbs: Wanna take a wild guess what my first partner still calls me?"

so at least after that they managed to stay on track... with that. the rules are changed too!! there are multiple rules for certain numbers and they never gave a reason why.

and dont get me started on gibbs playing god. i mean, really? in the 3rd season episode 16 family secret he falsified a dna test to "help out" this kid. the regs are there for a reason. he gets pissy when something unjust happens, and he has his rules but holy shit he ignored those and the law as well. and in episode 19 iced gibbs gets this dude killed bc he couldnt get enough evidence to put him in jail. liek wtf since when should idolize that behaviour? they acted like that was the right thing to do, that if you are certain enough, but you dont have the evidence to put someone behind bars, there is another way.... and this selective application of the rules and laws just grating on my nerves.

when i first watched ncis gibbs was my favourite. my fatherless ass took a look at his mile wide dadness and latched on. but holy crap how can i like dinozzo,,, DINOZZO! the pig like behaviour, the male chauvinist, misogynist "comic" relief more??? i know that not all of him but soemtiems he opens his mouth and all i can think abt is how tf can i like this character better than the intended "hero"?

like gibbs is righteous, just, the poster boy for "military" and yet when they gave him "faults and mistakes" they ruined him.

uuUUUGH

[spamton-addison]

okay all the questions I can think of before I have to leave

1 general backstory overview?

2 pronouns?

3 favorite food, movie, snack, book, and person?

4 an object they really like

5 sexual/romantic orientation(s)?

6 how many friends do they have?

7 cursed by the visions or doomed by the narrative

8 are you interested in maybe them hanging out with my characters sometime maybe…….

9 does their name have a meaning?

10 are they yours or did you revamp them? (Or are they just a blorbo?)

11 do they like rain?

12 favorite tv show

13 old television colorbars? Yes or no?

14 touch tone telephone or rotary dial phone?

15 why do they stand out to you so much?

16 I am out of ideas. I will send more if I think of them and pls keep writing if you’d like/can

OKAY RAPIDFIRE LETS GO

1. sale is the oldest sibling of the addison family (hes 28 usually, but around 24 in some aus . hes always the oldest sibling though) he was happy once and then his best friend got cucked by a capitalist bastard which caused him to completely shut down emotionally in some fucked up misguided attempt to protect himself and his siblings from further harm its a whole thing . he is constantly overworking himself in order to avoid thinking about what happens and refuses to let himself cry ever

2. pronouns are he/him this man is CIS

3. favourite food: nothing i can think of specifically but he used to really like sour things and meat . he hates beef specifically though

favourite movie: he doesnt give himself time to watch anything recreationally. he probably wouldve liked deadpool/deadpool 2 if hed ever watched them though (sorry. my movie knowledge is limited and im projecting)

favourite snack: coffee is not a snack but it is to him . he probably ate coffee beans before the horrors as a joke

favourite book: he doesnt give himself time to read but he probably would like fantasy books . think like the dragon stones trilogy or eragon . also maybe the hunger games

favourite person: thatd either be his (missing) best friend Loveluck, his sibling Reverb (in aus where reverb exists) or his sibling Radio (in aus where radio exists)

4. he has this one specific pen that hes used for years and never throws away . he would rather spend a fuck ton of money getting ink specifically for this one pen than just buy a ton of new ones cheap . it is his favourite pen . otherwise he has a photo of him and his siblings he keeps in his room, but hes kept it facedown since the horrors (it hurts to look at)

5. hes aroace :D

6. anywhere between zero and maybe three . depends on the au

7. doomed by the narrative but also the narrative wants to save him . he is dead set on dooming himself . but also he suffers in nearly every au so i think that counts as doomed by the narrative

8. he doesnt get out much anymore and is kind of mean to most people but ABSOLUTELY . young sale (pre shutdown) is tolerable and a fun guy to be around probably

9. take a wild guess what the name Sale could possibly mean/silly

10. sale is my oc but he was Supposed to just be a generic yellow addison to act as the scapegoat . it got a little out of hand and now hes my everything

11. ya he likes the rain its grounding . when it rains is like the only time he lets himself take a break from work because he can just focus on the white noise of the rain . its nice to him . rain is actually one of the few things he likes now that he Didnt like before

12. he hates like everything to do with tv shows . probably the pokemon anime

13. possibly

14. touch tone . he has a personal vendetta against rotary dial phones

15. CLAPS HANDS TOGETHER. HE IS MY FAVOURITE COLOUR, HE HAS SPIKY TEETH, I PROJECT ONTO HIM AN ALARMING AMOUNT, IVE HAD HIM AROUND A YEAR AND A HALF AT LEAST BY NOW I THINK? HE STANDS OUT BECAUSE HES JUST SO FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN IN A WAY UNIQUE TO HIM (and trust me there are a Lot of characters that are so fucked up around him) HE IS SO FULL OF CONFLICT AND FEAR AND HES PATHETIC AND ID LET HIM BE MY DAD BUT ALSO IM A LITTLE GAY FORHIM .

16. sale has like. two main character arcs to me, regardless of au . notably being his first arc, in which he digs himself into a terribly awfully deep hole, and his second arc being then realising he wants to get Out of it again . although in the aus where he Does get to heal he is never the same as he was before it all, he still heals and gets to move on with his life . even if it takes him literal years to get to a point where he can even start .

despite how poor his circumstances are (largely by his own fault but caused by the disappearance of loveluck) and despite how hard it is for him to keep going every day he never wants to die . he wants this hell to end but he doesnt want that end to be by dying . he wants to live . he wishes he still could . but he is so scared and he lets that fear control him and that is why he so routinely makes the shittiest decisions . he is trying his best but his best right now is terrible because of how centred he is on avoiding the past .

he means so much to me

[iraliira]

Life update

22/08/23

This past week has been better because my life is starting to fall back into place. Although its going slowly, its comforting to know that im doing better both mentally and physically.

This week i managed to prove to myself that im capable of fufilling my own promises to myself and im becoming better at self discipline. And the more i do it, the more i feel confident about myself. Real confidence. Because before i had fake confidence and by fake i mean i made myself believe i was confident but in reality i was lying to myself so that i dont have to face my own miserable reality.

Here are the things that im doing:

1. I began to workout, its been difficult at first and im not doing it concistently but its a start and i am trying my best. So far i managed to complete a whole workout which was a great accomplishment and i was proud of myself.

2. I decided to practice fasting. Im following a pattern where i eat for 12 hours and fast for 36 hours. I am following this pattern in order to get my measurements down to about 34-23/22-35. And so far i managed to complete a 36 hour fast and whilst i was fasting i realised that i dont get hungry easily and its just that i eat out of boredom.

Fasting has a lot of benefits and this is a short-term diet since i am not fat and just out of shape and during my 12 hour eating pattern i can eat anything i want. I DON’T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER and im also fasting for the other benefits such as: autophagy, cognitive performance and other amazing benefits. And i have fasted before so i know what im doing. If you want to learn more watch this video.

3. I decided to read a book a week. For a number of reasons: i want to spend less time on social media, i want to increase my knowledge, i want to widen my vocabulary, i want to speak properly because even though english is my first language, i cant speak because i keep tripping over my words and mid sentance my brain goes blank.

Other things that ive been doing:

im watching my comfort show One Tree Hill and im soo close to finishing the show which is making me sad because i dont want to finish it. The show is my absolute favourite thing in the entire world. The characters in the show are relatable in a lot of ways and this show taught me that being a teenager can be confusing but its also fun because im learning and going through a lot of change

Also the cast are soo fine

I mean…

Lucas scott (chad micheal murray) is soo fine

Anyways, back in June, i did my GCSES which if you don’t know is some standerdised exam every 15-16 year old does in the uk, and i get my results this week Thursday. And im not nervous about the actual exam results, im more worried about meeting everyone at school again and seeing my “friends” again. Which im planning on cutting them off and im really really scared about it because i hate confrontation. But im going to do it for myself and i dont want to live a lie anymore. Its exhausting. So im going to say to them that i dont want to be friends with them anymore.

I personaly am sick and tired of letting other people around me dictating my life and controlling the type of person i should be because thats my job. All my life ive been trying to please everyone and not myself. I also am a shy person (according to literally everyone around me) but i believe that im not and im sick of being “quiet” and “introverted” like i cant even set boundries or stand up for myself. WHICH IS SOOO PATHETIC. So that has to change because this type of behavior prevents me from achieving many things in my life.

And im not a little girl anymore and my parents arent always going to be with me so i need to grow up and act grown. I really hope i change and i believe that i can because this summer i went abroad for vacation and i spoke a lot of people so i can.

I really need to believe that im not who i used to be and if i want to have my desired futrure, i need to act like my desired self.

Well thats all i’ve been doing so far and im starting to like this new version of me.

Thank you, ira

[starryemeralds]

HII rwby anon again its been a while sorry dhd ive been on a mission in another world but thats not important right now~

sooo

IVE WATCHED TILL EPISODE 15 !!

IM REALLY ENJOYING IT A LOT, especially with a lot of focus being on vomit boy, i kind of didnt expect that. i LOVE how nora was just. "should i break his legs :D" IN SUCH A FUN AND BUBBLY GIRL VOICE DHDBDBD that was hilarious

AND WHEN PYRRHA TOOK VOMIT BOY ONTO THE ROOF AND HE JUST GOES, "i know im depressed but.. im not THAT depressed" i was DYING of laughter HELPPP JSJSJS

UGH i CANNOT get enough of ruby. shes just like. nope :3 nope : ) nope :] nope :>

UGH its so cute just that little squeakiness in her voice, if that makes sense fhdhd

i am also uh. A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT SHE SAID TO VOMIT BOY

"youre not allowed to be a failure.. because youre a leader !"

i very spesifically remember, before getting into the show, seeing gifs and vids you rebloged of ruby having. not the best of times 😭 because she was their leader and didnt feel perfect / as good as she wanted herself to be, if i remember correctly ? so

yeah 😭😭😭

i ship blake and random faunus boy with a monkey tail /hj

penny seems.. weird,, not in a bad way she is just. a weirdo /pos

LMFAO THE HIGH FIVE BETWEEN WEISS AND RUBY, um *its a combat skirt*

ok so. time to bombard you with questions ( sorry )

who are the faunus how many episodes does the first season have who are the white fang and why does weiss call them degenerates, rapscallions, thieves, murderers and scums

IS IS IS. IS BLAKE A FAUNUS OF THE WHITE FANG !?!

thank you 💅

HELLO RWBY ANON!! I HOPE YOUR MISSION IN ANOTHER WORLD IS GOING WELL LMAO

i love how you consistently refer to jaune as vomit boy, it makes me laugh everytime. and nora, my chaotic beloved, do break that guys legs <3

S T O P, THAT ROOFTOP LINE HAD ME FUCKING CACKLING. IN MY RECENT REWATCH IF THE SHOW, I WAS SHOWING IT TO MY FRIENDS AND THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TOO

and yes!! ruby’s va is so good, and while she has the squeakiness, you’ll come to see that there’s a lot of emotional range in it 👀

AND YEAH,, RUBY’S JOURNEY AS A LEADER IS A LONG AND COMPLICATED ROAD, BUT MY GOD, THERE IS NOTHING I LOVE MORE THAN STORYLINES LIKE *gestures to v9* THAT (being vague because i don’t wanna spoil you anymore than my blog already has haha)

SUN MY BELOVED!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH; LOYAL TO THE END BUT LACKS ALL BRAIN CELLS. valid to ship them, but their friendship in particular means so much to me and you’ll come to see why a bit later down the road!

AND PENNY MY BELOVED <3333 all i’ll say is that there is something weird with her, and it alludes to the fairy tale she is based on, which i think gets revealed sometime in v2 iirc

AND NOW FOR YOUR QUESTIONS

who are the faunus:

so the faunus are essentially another race in remnant that have physically animalistic features (some might have ears, or tails, etc.)

how many episodes in the first season:

crunchyroll is telling me that the first season has 16 episodes, so you’re right at the finish line!!

who are the white fang:

the white fang has a complicated history, but they are essentially a group of faunus who are fighting for faunus rights and are now known to be an extremist group. (in my personal opinion, i think that rt definitely could’ve handled this plot line a bit better since it is a direct allegory to racism and a lot of black fans have voiced their critiques a lot better than i ever could. there are some threads and video essays by them if that’s something you’d wanna look more into!)

why does weiss call them degenerates, etc?

she’s racist prejudiced towards them based on her upbringing; but she does overcome this fairly quickly SO DONT WORRY.

is blake of the white fang?

she used to be! that mission she was on in the black trailer was actually her with them, but her separating herself from the train was her literally and metaphorically cutting ties with them. she no longer believes in their methods, so she became a huntress to join in the fight for equality in a different way.

I HOPE THAT HELPS CLEAR SOME THINGS UP!

[candiedapplez]

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

[chococolte]

Hello!! I don't have anything to request right now but wow your writing style is just stunning. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it, you weave together imagery and emotion so beautifully and there's just something so sensual about the way it flows? I hope that doesn't come across weirdly lmao it's just so gorgeous and reading it makes me feel like I'm watching an intricate dance routine or running my hands over silk, I love it sm. Ur rlly out here feeding us the highest quality content imaginable for free???? We are not worthy omg

Also I think my jaw actually dropped when I read that you were 16 like??? Can I ask when/why you started writing and how you developed your style? Sorry if you've answered these before :') and thank u for ur amazing writing <3

XBYUDBNXHBDUHF thank you so much!!! ♡  this was the first thing i read today when i woke up... im so happy it was this!! this means so much to me i cant even describe it properly, im sorry its taken me so long to whip up a response, ive just been looking and thinking about it for so long and i wanted to make sure i responded to it well!!!

im so happy you like my writing!! its actually been something i've been pretty insecure about, even when i still had my old blog. the only people i really showed my writing too was my brother and my friends, who ... you know... as my brother and my friends, why would they tell me my writing is bad? and even on my old blog, i didn't really feel like anything i was writing was like, actually good. but since i've started this new blog i've gotten so many nice messages and people telling me how much they love my writing and i just!!! it makes me soft... and makes me realize that maybe i'm not actually as bad as i thought lol

im going to put my answers to ur questions under a readmore!

i've been writing since i was around 11-12. obviously i had written before that for school and shit, but that was around the age when i started to have an interest in original stuff.

i've only started taking writing seriously for around 2 years, though, so since i've been 14. since i started taking it seriously, i've had a sudden jump in improvement-- mostly because it also coincides with the moment i realized what kind of writing i want to have.

my style itself wasn't all that impressive when i was like, 13-14. which is to be expected! but i think even in my writing from that time, you can kind of see the direction i wanted to go in, which is vivid description.

when i was 15 i finally realized what i wanted to do with my style, which was description. i like describing things. a lot. if u read the stuff i reposted i think u can see that, but i was still a little fledgling at it-- i used some words that i didnt really have a full grasp on, which is still a little sin that i continue to partake in... but you can't blame me ok, words r just so pretty and i need to use them all </3

ive actually only been writing fanfic since 2021 lol, before that all i wrote was self-insert stuff (still yandere, of course). the reason i started my [old] blog was because i was reading stuff on tumblr, and im pretty sure it was specifically a yandere childe post, and his characterization annoyed me so bad i decided to do it myself 💀 before that, the only fanfic i had written i think was like... 2 pieces, one about an interactive fiction game and the other about omniscient reader's viewpoint vxbfubfbg

idk what in particular led me to developing my style as it is now-- i kind of just try my best to make sure my readers can imagine the way the characters feel as best as possible. ultimately, the way i want my writing to be is i want people to kind of fall into it. i want someone to pick up my writing and feel the things the characters feel. i want someone to read my writing and be able to place themselves in the moment, and, for particularly my blog, i want people to read my writing and to feel loved. when someone tells me they got tingles from my writing its literally some of the highest form of praise, like!!!!!!!! if ur trying to seduce me it's working JUST SAYING...

i honestly still feel like i have a lot to improve on, but im so happy you like my writing so much! to think that people think my writing is so good is just such an amazing feeling, i feel like im walking on clouds <3

[sleepdeprived-idiot]

got tagged by @roycogaystar to do the TV Questionnaire

List 5 favourite shows (in no particular order) and answer questions accordingly

Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood) SPOILERS!!!!!!!

Mob Psycho 100

Hannibal

One Piece

Saiki K

1. Who is your favourite character in 2?

Shigeo or Reigen, but Ritsu in s1 is so fucking relatable just ughhghghgh

2. Who is your least favourite character in 1?

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY NOONE BUT I FORGOT THAT ONE GUY EXISTS

SPOILERS!!! Shou Tucker

3. What's your favourite episode of 4?

im gonna go with arcs and then its probably that one filler arc, G-8 (other than that dressrosa, marineford alabasta or water 7)

4. What is your favourite season of 5?

the first because its the only one with a dub

5. What's your favourite relationship in 3?

uh uhm lesbians? not sure tbh

6. Who is your anti relationship in 2?

uuhmm ,,, theres litterally none??

7. How long have you watched 1?

first watched fma in 2013 and since ive watched brotherhood ive been rewatching it at least once a year

8. How did you become interested in 3?

i dont remember its so long ago

9. Who is your favourite actor in 4?

-

10. Which show do you prefer 1, 2 or 5?

1, forever 1

11. Which show have you seen more episodes of 1 or 3?

1

12. If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

random civilian on a far off island away from all the chaos, im not dealing with all that

13. How would you kill off your favourite character in 5?

accident, but like a stupid avoidable one (i also have the most angsty way but lets not entertain that idea, also im not telling who)

14. Would a 3/4 crossover work?

im?? not sure how???

15. Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple.

Sheska and Fokker? (they talked once) or Paninya and Winry? (but idk cause ed and winry are one of THE couples)

16. Overall, which show has the better cast, 3 or 5?

sweating nervously (3?)

not tagging anyone, but do it if u want to :)

[thelioncourts]

Tbh I think you are the only white loustat fan Ive seen here who is actually interested in louis as a character and not just an extension of lestat? Once you realize most of the fandom only sees louis as part of lestat's story it makes sense why there's little to no loumand content.

Let me talk about Louis. Let. Me. Talk. About. Louis.

I have been a Louis fan since I read Interview for the first time. I was....15 (?), maybe 16, and had finally convinced myself I could read Iwtv. (For those that don't know, Iwtv has been part of my life since I was born; I was named after Kirsten Dunst in the movie (my parents were raging Tom Cruise fans in the '90s, this is how that all happened) and so my whole life was 'being named from some vampire movie.' Problem? I hated blood growing up; couldn't look at it on a screen, couldn't think about it, made me nauseous. So as cool as vampires were, it took me time to read and watch it because 🤢).

Anyway.

So I read Interview, and I don't just read it, I devour it. I was obsessed. My mom had me on a book-buying ban so I couldn't buy anymore of the series, so I just reread Interview over and over again.

2-3 years later, I'm in college and have a little bit of money of my own, and I buy TVL and QotD. And -- and it took me forever to read TVL. It wasn't anything against Lestat necessarily, but 1) anyone that has read these books knows it's kind of like whiplash when you go to TVL and Lestat's narration is...well, Lestat lol and 2) I had fallen in love, long ago, with Louis' way of speaking.

But I eventually power through (and I love TVL. Arguably the best book of the series (???)). But then. Then I start getting into TotBT. And it's great! Lestat and Louis have some amazing moments and I adored so many parts of it, and it may be the general funniest book of the series. But also David is introduced and I could feel myself worrying.

Anyway, to make my relationship with book-Louis shorter, I struggled tremendously to read the rest of the series. Louis started getting mentioned less and less and less, and it became obvious for a time that he and Lestat were just. On different paths, as it seemed, and wouldn't really cross again and I was heartbroken and devastated. I missed Louis. I missed his outlooks and the way he and Lestat spoke to one another and his beauty and the way Lestat talked about him. The final "trilogy" of Prince Lestat was a godsend for me, personally, because it brought Louis back, it brought Louis and Lestat back, and it felt better, felt complete.

But! Show Louis.

So I followed the production of IwtV religiously for a while. Anne sold rights in 2016 and it seemed like it was happening! Then there was nothing for some time. I remember a vague 2019 article about it and, at that point, I was just in the "I'll believe it when I see it" category.

All of a sudden, it's happening before I even know it. And casting is announced. And I was -- so hesitant at both Sam and Jacob's casting. Sam because Lestat is such a character that I really was just like, "Can this man embody Lestat in the way Lestat should exist in this world?" (The answer is a resounding yes, x336548483929299485577838291038475747372272884) and with Jacob, I hadn't known of the time change yet and I was like....what are y'all doing?

Then I learned of the time change and I got nervous all over again because change is, y'know, sometimes scary when you know things. And Louis is everything to me and I was like, "Please do justice by him."

Oh. My. God.

There are a couple of things to mention here, namely the writing and Jacob's acting.

When it comes to the writing, I want to kiss anyone and everyone involved in developing Louis' story the way they did. Everything -- from his profession to his relationship with Paul and religion and sexuality and his mother and Grace and just -- everything, is so nuanced and beautiful and complex and having multiple episodes that showcase what all Louis really went through (both before and after being a vampire) and what he lost through all of it is just stunning. And it's one of those things that Louis' race, in particular, has made him such a better character because of what his struggles bring to the table. He is a queer black man, something that is not shown a ton in media, and he is a queer black man born into Jim Crow America, making a name for himself in a world that doesn't want him to succeed in any capacity. And he pushes and works because he's doing what's best by his family, even if they don't see it that way sometimes, and he endures because it's the only way to survive, and when vampirism comes in this box of a beautiful man promising him the world, he takes it, and yet he still tries to do good by his name, he still tries to be what he considers to be morally good. And he may be misguided on what good is, and he may be doing the wrong thing sometimes, but he is always trying. And I just think he's beautiful; both physically and emotionally beautiful.

I've found myself thinking so long and so hard on Louis' past; what his dad may have been like, what it was like being the oldest sibling and knowing he was one of the only ones that truly saw Paul and loved him, knowing that he could never be himself because queer and black and godly don't go together and just ! What was the Pointe du Lac household like when Louis started working in Storyville? What exact experiences, beyond Jonah, did Louis have with men? How many were good, were bad, were scary perhaps? Did he ever come close to an actual relationship or was he too busy saving his family and trying not to disappoint a god that wasn't there for him? What was it like when Paul was in the hospital in Jackson? Did Louis go see him and read to him, like when they were kids? And now, in Louis' vampirism, how is he going to come to terms with his blood drinking? How exactly to we go from, what we can imagine to be, absolute suicidal devastation and emptiness after losing Claudia to the flirty enigmatic boy at the bar in the 1970s flashback? When will 2022!Louis fully break, and show us that LDPDL is still very much in there and full of that specific fight that drew Lestat to him in the first place?

And JACOB. I could never have asked for a better person to play Louis. He brings everything anyone could want to the table. He's Louis' beauty, he's Louis' quiet rage, he's Louis' tenderness, he's Louis' bookishness, he's Louis' love, he's Louis in every possible way. He brings such a complexity to Louis and, most importantly, he brings him to life. I cannot think of Louis now in any other capacity than Jacob Anderson. I am so grateful for him and for the work he's put in and the way his entire heart is in this role.

So, yes. I love Louis. I love Louis as a character all on his own because he's, quite literally, everything to me.