#(ive never tasted one though)
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this is the worst website to have moral ocd on because someone will post 'if you don't like pickles you deserve to get run over by a car' and you'll spend the next 3 weeks ruminating over if not liking pickles makes you a bad person and actively, unironically contemplate suicide about it
#and guess who has moral ocd + has spent the majority of their life on this website since they were 11 bc it was their#only way to interact with likeminded people? lol#anywahs im piecing 2gether a lot about myself lately. its me im the guy wondering if he should khs bc i dont like pickles#(ive never tasted one though)#t#ocd#moral ocd
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hc time abeds chapstick is normally a strawberry flavour and peppermint during december for the festive feel (also i once got this stick of chocolate flavoured lip balm from the dentist i think he would enjoy that)
#shui talks#nbc community#abed nadir#ive heard fics say its cherry but i hate the taste of artificial cherry so im projecting onto him#one time someone in the study group gave him spearmint and he never used it#<- projecting again though . im very particular about peppermint vs spearmint#<- <- also it was probably britta and she probably fished it out of her drawer and gave it to him as a gesture of kindness#WHILE MAKING THIS POST I DISCOVERED LUCKY CHARM FLAVOURED LIP BALM#if anyone has tried it let me know if its actually good or not
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GUYS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS
WHAT THE FUCK
youtube
#had a full body reaction when i came across it in a random compilation video#literally my face was ?!?!?!??????? and i RANti the comments to find the original video#this is heavenly#like a man singing falsetto like that is insane#LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH#ive never been more attracted to a man#its actually making me angry how good he is ???? like what the FUCK why dont we hesr this on the albums?????? hello#calum album needs to be produced RIGHT NOW.#his taste in music is so fucking good like its so broad and varied#i love yhis man#his radiohead obsession makes so much sense with this falsetto#LITERALLY FUCK OFF IM ABOUT TO CHEW ON MY PILLOW IM FERRAL#5sos#5 seconds of summer#calum hood#Youtube#if it was really in honour of his roots though hed be singing we are one we are many HAHAHHA
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Helloooo popping in to say I love your art! It’s cute and feels soft (reminds me of when you’ve got a really smooth pencil and it just ghosts across the paper) but your poses and anatomy also give it a good feeling of realism :D
classic question here; do you have anything you’d say is a big influence on your art? I love seeing what people answer and trying to connect it back to the kind of thing they currently make :]
!! thank u!!! i do wish i could get more creative with angles, but im happy knowing my art gives u that feeling ^_^
I really enjoy comics!! I like poking thru graphic novels and webcomics, so I've fallen into the habit of exposing myself to lots of different styles over time that I'm fairly explorative with my art. It gives me a lot to study, especially since different artists have different strengths and preferences
I also think of myself as a simple person, so I'm not strongly attached to anything in particular... I notice a lot of artists find their ground in certain interests or aesthetics. But since I'm not really like that, I try to put a bit of myself in whatever I draw to connect with my art better. Its probably why I like taking creative liberty when making fanart lol
im also drawn to indie creative work like games and animation! they tend to be extremely varied and unique from each other, which is great since I work from my own sense of curiosity. I also hate repetition, so having things that set themselves apart visually or otherwise is something I like to look for.
#thank u for sending this in!!! i had fun answering this.. i had to think really hard so im glad it helped me do some reflection ^_^#on top of all this im a very visual person so i look at things if theyre eyecatching and then see if i like it for any of these qualities#afterwards.. so i do tend to lean to cutesy styles like soft shapes and big eyes but i wouldnt go as far as making it a calling card for my#art style since i love to keep shaking things up whenever i can. if that makes sense? or u could say im impulsive and u would be right#i rly like gigi dg and plushpon since theyve been a huge inspiration for my art over time.. as for comics i remember being really into#always raining here and colorless... its been a while since ive looked at any webcomics though so maybe i should make time to do that#BONE was one of my favorites as a kid because of the storytelling and art style even if i could never read the books in order#although im also really picky so even if i dont have a set taste there are some things i dont really find interesting like superhero comics#i do wish i had an interest that i could pour my art into instead of just drawing whatever on a whim#i think nature comes pretty close but thats more of an appreciation than smth like. birdwatching or camping or animals#so rather than wanting my art to be known for a certain thing i think ill try and be happy with drawing things i know i like and people#liking whatever that might be. shrugs#yapping#ask
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Hey, it’s been a while since you last posted, just wanted to check in, are you alright?
I got ✨hospitalized✨ tehe
#And THEN LITERALLY THE DAY AFTER I COME HOME SOMEONE VANDALIZED MY HOUSEEE#ITS BEEN A COUPLE OF FUCK ALL WEEKS#my luck is the worst there is#it just like that time when the one and only day I dont wear a mask#i get covid and sent to the ER#i was covid free for like 4 years too#never taking off my mask ever again#i couldnt even walk omg#I couldnt taste anything either#and that was even worse lets be honest#no feeling in my legs? meh#no TASTEBUDS? Just send me to hell already#Im totally okay now though#im comfy in my bed and blanket and ready to draw again 💪#nothing can kill me except myself💪💪#omg youre literally the sweetest person ive ever met 😭🩷#lemme give u some smooches#mwah mwah 😘#thelegendaryfluffypotato13🩷🎀
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oh we doin this now. A Good Song Never Dies for the Scoundrel
hmmmmm. not what i would've picked but honestly i can see it
#it's always been a urael song in my mind#though ive never really posted about the guy so yall wouldnt know him#(i need to resume paimak's blog one of these days)#ask#i share a lot of music tastes with my followers apparently
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post 10 of your favourite comfort movies & tag 10 people
Thank you both @suzuki-ecstar and @renaulonso for the tags!!! I don't rewatch movies very often so I feel like these are moreso movies I've actually watched several times more than they are comfort movies lmao, also in no particular order!!
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse
Ford v. Ferrari
Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc
Star Wars: A New Hope
Casino Royale
Young Frankenstein
Inglorious Basterds
Interstellar(not comforting, makes me sob every single time)
Ocean's Eleven
Blazing Saddles
I tag: @sweatyflytrap @antimonyandthyme @ayceeofspades @sewellove @schumigrace @ellearts @huginn01 @hungriestheidi @skeleton-gluvs @sebbuh (sorry if you've been tagged already!!!)
#god i have such a middle aged father taste in movies#i watch movies with my parents only tbh 🤭#but mostly with my dad and my one brother#when my brother was over for christmas we watched 4/5 of the daniel craig Bond movies#i would love to see his list of comfort movies tbh. he watches them a lot more often than me#i guess i dont watch them very often bcs i really like to pay them complete attention#and i dont have the time for that very often#bcs if im gonna be sitting idly id rather be drawing as well!!#though its funny. i dont remember which drawing it was? but#ive never really understood the idea of a comfort movie#until i was working on that and rewatched the entirety of ocean's eleven in the background AND IT WAS SO NICE#but movies like young frankenstein and a new hope. i love them too much for them to be in the background#also shouldve put the batman on this list ahdkkf. i really loved that when it came out. i watched it like 3x#and then when oppenheimer streams ill probably watch that again#catie.rambling.txt
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i think i gotta pl;ay fallout 4 ..
#YAPPING this morninh#i tried watching the show i DIDNT LIKE IT. i would rather play the games#in middle school i tried fallout3 but i never felt incentivized to explore the world after getting out of the vault .#i think beth esda games are just like that though idk. ive been playing wolfing stein 2 (2017) and it feels like. beth esda uncharted#i think its just bc its an action adventure and you have like a little team and so far it hasnt been open world the way it was advertised#but ive been getting into the lore of the world in falloiut and im really enjoying it so maybe my game tastes have changed idk its worth a#shot :D i watched this video abt ghoul being an embodiment of the mythologized wild west genre in american pop culture history and how#pervasive a fantasy like that is. the continuation of manifest destiny and rooted in white supremacy yk. but also through the fallout lens#of 'Look at this idealized nuclear family/ american dream and look who it excludes look how it fails' and its really making me wanna try#playing again. i think one of my biggest flaws that i hate is that i cannot tolerate playing old games that are ugly in retrospect .... i#just cant.... i cant play the first red dead its too ugly im sorry... but i WILL research the lore and stuff#anyway thats why i think ill try 4. im just worried i wont like it bc you know.. i like platform action adventures.. not corny shit like#uncharted but idk maybe its an antiquated way of designing games but i like levels i like being given a campaign. i think my favorite way a#game works is like the way red dead does it. the story progresses but you can also explore on your own time. and the world changes as the#story progresses. idk i think i just maybe am not the target audience for any bethesda game LMFAO. anyway if anyone wants to give some#wise words regarding this Advice opinions etc feel free to send asks leave replies dm me :D
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#i know no one wants to hear this but i need to put it somewhere#i'd like to say that i love taylor#love her so much#she has been such an intrinsic part of my life and my coming of age#and her music got me through and continues to get me through all my highs and lows#i believe that she is a good person and that she has good intentions#even now#i want to believe that so badly#but i am having a hard time!!!#like she seems.... proud of the fact that she is a billionaire#and like yes we joke about her being a capitalist#and of course i know she is also running a business#but it just feels incredibly out of touch the way she spoke about her money#and i know the argument would be well you just hate women being successful#and actually no thats not it at all and i wont be elaborating!#and the silence on palestine is literally SOOO loud#genocide is not political#i dont know i dont know i dont know#ive never struggled like this with her#its really been leaving a bad taste in my mouth the last few weeks though#i want nothing more than to celebrate the time piece because i truly am so proud of her#but everything feels kinda wrong rn
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one thing that i love about myself is that my personal aesthetic, fashion sense, hobbies and personality all go together perfectly well and kinda make sense.... and then theres just this insane obsession with joseph joestar added on to it randomly that just gives my whole life a different vibe
#yapping#like. most people that know me irl can not imagine me liking any character even a little bit cause#it just goes against everything they know about me#ive had one of my best friends be shocked to hear im even a jojo fan.... just cause it was never brought up before in conversation somehow#and i randomly showed up like “omg i got a star birthmark tattoo”#n i think it ruined his whole perception of me AHHAAHAHHAB#he said hell give jojo a try though cause he trusts my taste (a mistake on his part but a welcome one)#anyway i am what the aesthetic girlies strive to be.... until i open my mouth n its just joseph brainrot 😔#THOUGH I THINK THAT COMBINGING MY HOBBIES WITH JOJO IS FUN IDC#ill be assigning jojo characters perfumes and cocktails and shit like that in my spare time hehe#like. who i am makes sense to me.... the fashion sense all of it.... but i think other people perceive me in a very specific way#cause w my other friend we were talking at a restoraunt and i showed her my joseph plushie in my bag and she was so confused#and im here like ????? this is genuinely so on brand for me you guys just dont get my brand#i love when ppl think im fancier and more sophisticated than i actually am#its odd to experience also#like i sit at home playing lethal company for like 6 hours nonstop every day#i am not your proper aesthetic pinterest girlie im sorry
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GERBER SIGHTING RAAAH
#my boy has EXCELLENT taste in multitools 🔥🔥🔥#ive never actually seen one of these in the wild lol#though i was the only one who had one#s05e11#kill switch#x files#the x files#the scientist speaks
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sorry it took me a second to get to those i rbed it instantly forgot and went to go do my little conlanging.
#I LOVEE ASKS I LOVE THEM TY IF YOU SENT ME ONE :] i like to talk#please please feel free 2 send more ik its 12am lol . omg its 12am. i actually did not know that i wrote that sentence then checked the time#i was GOING to I meant am btw. i think i said pm. i meant am. it is NOT noon and if i did say am looooook man mind yr business#aaaanyways i was GOING to say im going 2 get back to conlanging but in real life i should go to sleep... but im so hungry#i wonder if we have bagels. we doooo have potatos. so i miiiight make a baked potato#and u might say Omg connorrr but a baked potato it takes an HOUR! heh.#u may not know this buttt for christmas/my bday idr i never do theyre so close together. but my family got me this marvelous little thang#its this bag and u can microwave potatos in it and it makes them baked and it takes like 7 minutes its mystical#the skin doesnt taste as good as my normal baked potato method whichhh ive posted before if u recall i probably shouldve made a tag for m#resippys. but it is just sooo darned convenient that i will survive yay. SOO yeah i can make a baked potato#but if there is erm erm erm omg i just realized i literally havent seen lamp all day we didnt sdv today or yesterday. tmrw i must#umm anyways though um. um um um what was i. umm. right if theres bagels i might make a bagel sandwich
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After suffering a gunshot wound, you wake up in a hospital bed with Ghost sitting by your side. Unfortunately, the effects of anaesthesia leave you unable to recognise him and, worse, confuse him with someone else.
A/N: Fluff. Based on a request I received a while ago. Hope you like it, anon!
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A machine on your left beeps rhythmically. The taste of something metallic lingers in your mouth, and the iodine smell stinks your nostrils. Your eyes open slowly, but the bright ceiling light forces them shut again. You lick your lips and attempt to swallow a couple of times. Dry. Your mouth is dry. You need water. Your hand moves towards your face, but a low, raspy voice advises you against it.
“Careful now,” it says, and a hand gently grabs your wrist. “Don’t pull the IV off.”
You turn your head towards the figure beside you and squint. It’s a man, but your blurry vision doesn’t help you identify him. Your eyes travel to your wrist and focus on the closest part of him: a skeleton’s hand.
You try to shake your hand off his grip, but it turns out futile. Frustrated, you give up and raise your middle finger at him.
“Not my time yet,” you declare. “Fuck off.”
“Pardon?” he asks.
“Not ready to go yet,” you reply, tucking your middle finger in your palm and lifting it back up again. “And also, fuck off.”
The man releases your wrist, placing your hand gently beside you. He clears his throat and leans forward. Though your vision remains blurry, you spot what looks like a human skull with a hood over it.
“How are you feeling, love?” he asks, his tone softer.
“How am I feeling, love?” you repeat. “Did Hell improve their customer service?”
“I’m not-” The man begins but pauses. He sighs, shakes his head and rests his elbows on his thighs. “Never mind.”
“Where am I?” You ask.
“Hospital.” He replies. “You took a bullet.”
Directing your attention to your body, you feel a dull throb in your chest. You wince as your fingers brush against the bandages.
“You are joking.” You reply and slap your hand on the bed. “Why? How?”
“Well,” He says and tilts his head to the side. “You exchanged a few shots with the enemy, your gun ran out of bullets, his didn’t, and here we are.”
“My gun?” You ask, shocked. “I have a gun?”
“Several.” He nods.
“SEVERAL?” You shout. “Why would I possibly need several guns?”
“It’s your job, love.” He replies.
“My job is to have several guns?” you ask. “And shooting at people?”
“I wouldn’t put it that way,” he explains, “but it’s mainly for defence.”
“Well,” you shrug and wince at the pain. “Doesn’t look like I’m that good at defence—especially for having several guns.”
“I was really worr—”
“Water,” you interrupt and gesture at your mouth. “I need water.”
“Doctor said it’s not the time for water yet,” he replies.
“Why?” you ask, pretending to check a non-existent wristwatch. “What time is it?”
“No, love,” he replies and muffles a chuckle. “Doctor said you need to wait until you have some water.”
“You throw the ‘love’ thing a little too freely,” you mumble, licking your lips and lifting your index finger. “I’d be really careful if I were you.”
“Really?” he asks, leaning back into the chair and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Why?”
“I,” you say and point at yourself, “got a boyfriend, thank you very much.”
“Oh,” he exclaims and tilts his head. “Is that so.”
“Yup,” you nod. “And he can kill you.”
“Can he?”
“Can?” You say, and a smug smile forms on your dry lips. “He will absolutely, one hundred and a thousand per cent kill you.”
“Is he that good?” He asks.
“I mean,” you shrug, motioning at the bandages on your chest. “He’s much better than I am.”
“Oh wow,” he exclaims and leans forward. “Is he as good of a boyfriend as he is a shooter?”
“Far from it,” you reply, letting your hand fall to your side.
The man doesn’t speak. He doesn’t seem that comfortable all of a sudden. He shuffles in his chair, trying to find a better position, and when he does, he clasps his hands together.
“Go on,” he finally says. “Spill it.”
“Ok, so,” you begin, “first things first, he doesn’t listen to me when I want to vent, and whenever he does, all he says is nonsense.”
“The lad gives you solutions,” he snaps, “and you call them nonsense?”
“I don’t want solutions, man,” you reply, shaking your head. “I want him to just listen to me.”
“Even if the solutions he provides are literally the answers to your suffering?”
“Even then.” You confirm.
“Gotcha,” he nods. “What else?”
“Oof,” you sigh, “how much time do you have?”
“I’m immortal,” he reminds you, “plus the next reaping is in five hours.”
“Oh boy,” you reply. “Business not going that well lately, huh?”
“Not many deaths to take care of,” he spits. “I guess some people could use some serious training when it comes to their aim.”
“Speaking of training,” you say, “he’s always at work and never spends much time with me.”
“The guy’s trying to spend as much time with you as he can, for fucks sake!” he shouts, throwing his hands up. “He even lied to get you on his team!”
“How do you know he put me on his team?” You ask.
“I keep a close eye on him.” He replies.
“What did he lie about?”
“Your precision in aiming,” he jokes and motions for you to continue. “Next one.”
“I can’t think of anything else,” you reply. “Other than he doesn’t say how much he loves me.”
“You’re having a laugh now, aren’t you?” He says, and his tone feels almost threatening. “He’s showing it to you daily; offering advice, keeping you close to him, even risking the possibility of being accused of nepotism for crying out loud! He doesn’t need to say it as well for you to know it!”
“It’s just nice to hear it sometimes,” you sigh and twist a thread from the bed sheet. You turn your head slightly toward him, and he lowers his head to the ground.
“How about you?” You ask. “You have a girlfriend?”
“I do,” he confirms.
“Shut up!” You shout, widening your eyes and immediately closing them back again. “Where did you guys meet?”
“Hell,” he replies. “Right in the pits of it.”
“How is she?” You ask.
“Perfect.” He states.
“Bullshit,” you murmur. “No one’s perfect.”
“She is to me.” He says, shrugging.
“Do you love her?” You ask.
“Absolutely,” he replies, nodding slowly. “One hundred and a thousand per cent I do.”
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#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley x female reader#simon ghost riley x y/n#simon ghost riley#simon riley x you#simon riley x y/n#simon riley x f!reader#simon riley x female reader#call of duty#modern warfare 2#simon riley#cod mwii#cod ghost#ghost call of duty#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon ghost riley fic#simon ghost riley fluff
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I should make foccaccia again soon. If you've never made bread before and want to try it I really really heavily suggest starting out with foccaccia. It's a very very forgiving recipe that always ends up at least kinda good even if you fuck it up a lot
#im wary though foccaccia was one of my two considerable cooking injuries#both were my fault though#i cut my thumb really bad with the bread knife#and when I was in highschool I chopped the tip of my finger off in an onion dicer at my job#the nerve endings never properly reattached so my left index fingertip is pretty numb#its great for tasting soups and such#the scar itself is pretty much invisible tho unless I point it out#its the only time ive ever needed stitches#but it actually didnt hurt that much#because yknow shock and also nerve endings gone
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Yandere Batfamily x Neglected & "Immortal" Reader 》 III
Part I Part II Part IV
Took me so long to figure out how the rest of the story could go XP Also, I've seen how some of y'all want the reader to become a vigilante/villain :) It is definitely possible but not with the current story idea I have in mind. Maybe one day, I'll make a side story where the reader becomes a vigilante/villain
CW: Violence (Bar Fight), Stalking, Blood, "Death"
It has been a few weeks since you moved into Bludhaven and Nightwing being your nighttime companion
He always comes over to your apartment with a couple of injuries and asks to stay a bit
With Nightwing’s instructions, you learn to bandage injuries to help the hero
Maybe it’s because your mental wounds from your neglectful family are still fresh, but Nightwing quickly started to grow on you.
It just feels nice to have a friend while adjusting to your new life.
It also could be because he actually came to the rescue when you were attacked
This does make you wonder why Batman didn’t save you in Gotham but who knows what that big guy does.
Another thing you wonder about sometimes is who Nightwing is.
You were never really curious about the vigilantes in Gotham, even though four well-known vigilantes resided there.
Ever since you met Nightwing, you tried doing some research on him but you immediately stopped when you saw the words “Richard Grayson” in an article.
While the batfamily would be more than happy to stay in Bluvenon so they can meet you, Gotham needed them. (Also they may overwhelm you)
Because of this, the family (except Dick and Jason) return home where more plans are made.
Jason decided that he will be the next person you meet and he won’t take no for an answer.
There is one problem though, you’ve seen Jason with his Red Hood attire
You may not have connected the dots at the time but you definitely will when you see him again.
After debating with Dick, Jason finally agrees to primarily watch you from a distance
In an attempt to meet more people, you decided to participate in some summer events that your college was hosting
You make a couple of friends and go out together
College classes are just around the corner and your friends suggested going out to a bar
This is a special moment so you decide to go with them
You all made plans on the designated driver and kept an eye out for your drinks
When you go to the bar, it's almost sunset.
This is your first time drinking but you trust your friends to keep you safe. (You ended up hating the taste)
Unknown to you, Jason is watching you from outside of the bar
If it was Dick’s turn to watch over you, he’d drag you back to your apartment.
Jason just allows you to have your fun time with friends, getting lost in how happy and innocent you seem.
This all crashes down when a fight suddenly happens right next to you
You and your friends try to get away from the scene but you're suddenly knocked to the ground
A drunk person slams a glass of alcohol next to you, probably mistaking you for someone else, which gives you a ton of small cuts.
Jason quickly puts on his mask and breaks into the bar. He beats up any drunk person who tries to stop him from reaching you.
Your sober friend tries to pull you away from the fight but is worried about all of your cuts
Red Hood suddenly appears to drag you and your friend away from the fight.
The fight gets worse and some random person seems to have called the ambulance
When the ambulance arrives, your sober friend hands you over to them and Red Hood disappears
You’re given a few bandages before the medic has to focus on another injured individual
In your dizzy state, you manage to slip away to stop the ringing in your ears
Something in you also told you it wasn’t safe to go to the hospital
Walking through an alley, your bandages seem to loosen and you eventually collapse on the ground from blood loss
Red Hood steps away for a second and you suddenly disappear.
He didn't want to be seen by the ambulance so he got onto a nearby rooftop to update Nightwing on the situation.
At least you didn't get far but the blood pooling under you slowly grows. This would be the second time you died
Nightwing appears and finds you wrapped up in a jacket while Red Hood picks you up off the ground.
One of the walls of the alley seems to have gotten a hole from Red Hood punching it out of frustration
Getting closer, Nightwing can see that you were given fresh bandages before being wrapped up in Red Hood’s jacket.
Also, you’re still breathing!
Seeing that you may still be alive, you’re taken to Nightwing’s apartment
Red Hood places you on the bed while Nightwing contacts Batman.
After one final look over and a blanket thrown over your body, Red Hood joins Nightwing in the living room
You slowly wake up in an unknown room and immediately sit up
The first thing you notice is how dark the room is
Squinting a bit, you find a lamp on the nightstand and turn it on
You find yourself in a bedroom with a blue and black color palette
There’s a desk in front of the bed with two computer monitors
You turn on the computer to see the date and immediately recognize a name
Richard Grayson
The name is enough to fill you with annoyance but you try to stay focused
How did you get here? Are you back in Gotham? Back at the manor?
You go to the bedroom door to find a living room instead of a hallway
Maybe you were still in Bludhaven?
This room definitely looks like it belongs to Dick
You never found his room in the manor but you did learn about some of his interests when you tried to befriend him (Alfred had to tell you all this)
As you finish snooping around the bedroom, a sound from the other room makes you freeze up
You quickly turn the light off, lay back on the bed, close your eyes and pretend to be sleeping
There are some voices in the living room but it's hard to hear past the sound of your racing heartbeat
Your heart almost stops when you hear the bedroom door open and the voices get louder.
At least you can actually understand what they’re saying now
They mention Batman, Robin, Demon Spawn, and other things you don't understand.
Maybe this was Dick and his friend talking about vigilantes? Though…one of them sounds familiar….
Your train of thought is cut off by someone putting their wait on the bed and running their hand through your hair
To distract yourself, you try to recognize the voice the best you can. Could it be Nightwing? Does Dick know him?
A kiss is placed on your forehead before the two people leave the bedroom.
After waiting a couple of moments, you open your eyes and confirm that you’re alone.
You slowly slip out of bed to try to listen to hear more of their conversation.
It seems that they called someone because there are new voices but it isn't that clear
The conversation begins to scare you as they talk about you.
Calling you their sibling/daughter and status on how your injuries were healing
Based on what is being said, you figure out that five vigilantes know quite a bit about you…
Deciding that you’ve had enough, you find a way to sneak out of the apartment
Looking out the window, it looks like you're a few floors high.
You carefully open the window as quietly as you can and peek outside to find a fire escape just one window away
You must be lucky because you reach the stairs safely and immediately start going down the stairs
The sun is about to rise and you realize that you don't know where you are
You run around for an unknown amount of time before finding a bus stop
There isn't any money on you so you just pick up a map for the bus route
Looking over the map, you’re able to find a familiar street before finally making it home
It took you a long time to get a new key because you basically had nothing on you but eventually, you were able to finally collapse on your bed
You fall asleep immediately
By the time you wake up, it is night again
Getting up, you start making yourself some food while some research on vigilantes
Focused on finding answers, you’re able to connect the dots on who the vigilantes are based on your information from when you lived in the manor
At some point, a knock is heard from your window
On instinct, you walk over to your window and open your curtains
Seeing Nightwing and his dumb smile fills you with rage. Which you are more than happy to let him know
You close your curtain and can faintly hear Nightwing trying to talk to you from the other side of the window
Well, it seems that you now know their identity
Jason saw and heard you run off. He and Dick were about to follow but Bruce told them to not follow you
The next night, Jason watch you reject Dick as he tried to pretend last night didn’t even happen
But it seems you weren’t having any of it
Dick returns to Jason, dejected
A new plan would have to be made, and Tim knows exactly how to get back on track
#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#yandere batboys#yandere bruce wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere damian wayne#platonic yandere#neglected reader#yandere dc
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Apricot Toast.
summary: Soldat doesn't understand care can be without price.
warnings: Post!HYDRA Winter Soldier | Post!HTP and abuse | PTSD symptoms & behavior | Flashbacks of HTP | Past dehumanization | Mentions of past SA | Flashbacks of SA | Flashbacks of torture | Vulgar language | Hints to ED due to trauma
a/n: This 'chapter' includes brief scenes of active SA as well as heavily implied SA acts so be warned. Flashback scenes with more detailed torture & slightly suggestive scene with reader because he's confused :( It also ended up being a bit longer to make up for the last few shorter chapters. I'll be posting all of this on my A03 in case it gets too much for Tumblr. I hope you enjoy even though its a little more sad.
Italicized parts are flashbacks. Unedited. ;; wc: 6.8k
There were a lot of things that he endured. A lot of things he had to relearn and break free from.
One thing had him by a vice.
Kindness wasn't free. Food wasn't free. Neither was water. Or blankets. Or being spared a hit.
You had yet to ask him, but he knew you'd eventually expect it. Handlers never asked for it, they just did it. Some expected it.
His mind raced with thoughts, when should he do it? Should he just go up to you and begin? Or should he wait for your command to do so? He wasn't sure, every handler was different. Each one liked him to behave and act in conflicting ways, it always made the other angry. Sometimes he thought they did it on purpose just to have an excuse to beat him.
You were making breakfast, taking care to prepare something nourishing and comforting for the morning meal. His eating habits had been showing marked improvement lately, gradually expanding beyond the previous limitations that had restricted his diet to only three specific items. You cooked the items and hummed to yourself, a perfectly cooked egg, a well-seasoned sausage patty, and melted cheese - all coming together between the toasted halves of a lightly buttered English muffin.
It honestly sounded delicious, and you were craving it the second you woke up.
As you continued your preparations at the stovetop, he made his way into the kitchen with quiet steps, his legs seeming to move of their own accord, carrying him forward despite apparent fatigue.
Your focus remained entirely on the stove, your attention so thoroughly absorbed in the preparation of the meal that you failed to notice his presence initially as he positioned himself a few feet behind where you worked.
He swallowed.
"Get down," its handler shoved it roughly to the floor, causing its knees to collide painfully with the hardwood surface. It fought back the natural instinct to wince or show any sign of discomfort, instead raising its gaze cautiously to meet its handler's eyes. The handler's demeanor radiated an aura of anger this morning, more intense than usual.
The aroma of freshly prepared food wafted through the air, drawing the asset involuntarily from its designated corner. The standard-issue nutrient bags it was given to eat contained nothing but bland, lifeless substance.
The daily portions of pale, creamy mush possessed neither taste nor texture, just a starchy consistency that served only to fill its stomach. Though, some days it was lucky to get that and not an IV of nutrients instead, leaving its belly to grumble and growl desperately. It yearned for something with actual flavor, real sustenance.
But such privileges as real food had to be earned through compliance and good behavior, a fact that had been deeply ingrained in its consciousness. It understood that only through proving its worth to its handlers would it ever be granted access to anything beyond its basic provisions.
"You want food? Earn it." The handler's voice cut through the silence as he stood motionless, arms crossed firmly against his chest while scrutinizing the asset with calculating eyes. The threat hung heavy in the air - one slight misstep, one wrong twitch, and the familiar sharp sting of a calloused hand would strike its tender cheeks with practiced precision.
The hot, searing burn of electricity would shoot mercilessly through its neck, coursing down along its flesh shoulder like liquid fire before being abruptly halted by the cold, unnatural presence of foreign metal on the other side.
It fought to maintain perfect stillness, muscles trembling with the effort to show no reaction as its handler turned the burner to low and began to unclasp the heavy leather belt buckle.
It ignored how its mouth began to automatically salivate.
"Soldat?"
Your voice gently pierced through the thick fog of his consciousness as he blinked slowly, struggling to clear the distant, haunting glaze from his eyes. He remained caught in the web of memories he desperately wanted to shed, yet found himself unable to access the precious few recollections he yearned to preserve, leaving him suspended in an uncomfortable limbo between remembering and forgetting.
The things he wanted to forget remained. The ones he wished to remember were just out of reach.
He turned his attention to you with an expression devoid of any discernible emotion, his vacant gaze fixed upon your movements as you busied yourself with food preparation in the kitchen.
"I figured we could try introducing more solid foods into your diet. The doctor's last report shows you are progressing steadily, and this food should be gentle enough on your digestive system. We can have you eat them separately to start, jumping straight into a complete sandwich might be a bit too overwhelming for your body." You had kept track of his progress closely and knew he was leaning towards actually eating something instead of taking nutrient treatments and plain crackers and bread.
The soldier remained motionless, observing intently for several long minutes as new aromas wafted through the air - fresh eggs and bacon sizzling softly in the pan, their familiar domestic sounds filling the kitchen. It was comforting in a weird way.
As the smells hit his nose, his body betrayed him with a sudden, involuntary gag.
Its handler grunted with obvious disdain, practically spitting on its face while sneering at its sloppy, shiny lips and chin, droplets of saliva landing uncomfortably close to its nostrils. The handler's weathered face twisted into an expression of disgust as he observed its condition. "Thought we got rid of that...oh well. I suppose that responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders now, hm? Can't have the others seeing such weakness."
It doesn't like how its lungs burn with increasing intensity or how terribly constricted its throat feels, the muscles tightening painfully with each passing second.
"You ain't comin' up for air until that reflex is completely gone. Better learn quick, or we'll be here all day," the handler's voice carried a cruel note of satisfaction.
The soldier swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly flooding with saliva as he desperately tried to manage the conditioned response his body gave to the memories. His brow furrowed deeply with visible discomfort, eyes meeting yours with a subtle look of distress as he continued to swallow repeatedly, fighting against the involuntary reaction.
His stomach rolled unpleasantly within him, and he could feel the telltale burning sensation of acid creeping up his esophagus, threatening to make the situation even more uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?" You asked with genuine concern, taking a step in his direction as you tried to figure out what was wrong. Maybe he had an aversion to eggs that you hadn't known about.
"I can make something else...it's not a problem," you offered reassuringly, wanting to ease his obvious discomfort. You wondered if the smell was triggering his response. You had to admit that eggs weren't exactly the most appealing when it came to their smell, no matter how they were dealt with.
He took an unsteady step backward, his head shaking in a slow, deliberate motion as realization dawned. You weren't him - that fact resonated clearly in his mind. You weren't his handler, the one who had dominated his existence for so long.
You weren't the man whose systematic abuse had warped his perception of normalcy, the one who had conditioned him to accept having his hair violently yanked and his face brutally beaten as just another unremarkable day in his life.
You weren't the man who had subjected him to repeated violations at the hands of various agents, each taking their turn whenever they pleased, leaving him with lingering physical and psychological trauma that made the current absence of that familiar agony in his rectum feel strangely disorienting.
You weren’t him.
The absence of any implements of torture or restraint in your hands provided a small measure of comfort, though his racing thoughts struggled to fully process this gentler reality. It was somewhat reassuring, he had to admit, that there were no tools of torment present - no leather straps, no metal bars, nothing between your legs that could be forced down his throat until he choked and gasped for air.
"How about we try something gentler for your taste buds - maybe some toast with jam? I have grape, apricot, or strawberry," you suggested carefully, moving toward the refrigerator to retrieve the jars. You carried a note of gentle concern as you sought to salvage the strange situation. It worried you how openly he was displaying his distress; typically, getting any emotional response from him was like trying to pry open a sealed vault.
You returned your focus to the simple task at hand, selecting two pristine slices of bread and placing them into the toaster. As Soldat observed your actions, a creeping sense of guilt began to gnaw at him.
In his mind, this felt like some form of punishment - after all your effort to prepare a proper breakfast, he was now being offered merely toast? The thought that his involuntary gagging had somehow disappointed or offended you weighed heavily on his conscience. Were you going to make him eat less tasty food and punish him for wasting your time in the kitchen? He didn’t mean to come across as being ungrateful. He didn’t know why he gagged.
He didn't mean to.
He really didn't.
It wasn't you.
"Мне жаль [I'm sorry]," he muttered out, his voice barely audible and scratchy from prolonged disuse, the words catching in his throat like rough sandpaper. Your head instinctively turned to respond to his unexpected words, completely taken aback by the fact he spoke. But before you could form any words, the sharp, hollow sound of his knees colliding with the wood floor cut through the air and stopped you mid-thought.
The impact of his knees against the hard surface was so forceful that you couldn't help but wince, yet he showed absolutely no reaction to what must have been a painful collision. It was as if this position of supplication was something his body had memorized through countless repetitions. His hands found their way to your legs, fingers spreading across your thighs as he established his grip - not violently or painfully, but with just enough pressure to make it clear that any attempt to step away would be met with resistance.
"Простите меня. Я съем то, что ты приготовил [Forgive me. I will eat what you prepared]," he managed to say, briefly lifting his gaze to meet yours in a moment before his eyes dropped back down to the floor in a gesture of submission.
You tried desperately not to react to the cold of his metal hand, but the goosebumps erupting on your skin was a good indicator.
You remained motionless, not sure how to proceed as his firm grip maintained its hold on your thighs, the pressure neither increasing nor decreasing. Your eyes were fixed downward, observing his form as intermittent tremors passed through his broad shoulders. His consciousness seemed trapped with thoughts simultaneously racing at lightning speed yet yielding no coherent message he could decipher.
The overwhelming feeling washing over his body made him feel disoriented, the glaze that coated his eyes gave him that familiar distant and unstable look the soldier had for decades.
Soldat’s hands began moving up along your legs, eventually finding their way to your waistband. His fingers quickly hooked themselves into the fabric and began to pull downward. The movements in his mind were automatic, like he were being told what to do without an order.
A mechanical, involuntary habit that guided him.
Your hands shot out to grasp your shorts, halting their movement as you stammered in shock, "Soldat! What are you doing-"
The soldier's focus was glued to you as he desperately attempted to remove your shorts, his jerky movements filled with an intense urgency. When he couldn't pull them down because your hands held them in place, he pressed his face against your thigh, inches from your core as a plaintive whine escaped his throat. His gaze lifted to meet yours, eyes wide and pleading, filled with an unmistakable look of begging that made your breath catch.
Though you managed to prevent your shorts from being removed, his firm grip on your legs remained unyielding, fingers pressing into your skin with careful restraint. His entire demeanor radiated an overwhelming sense of desperation, every movement and sound conveying his intense need for something.
"Пожалуйста [Please]..." His desperate whines filled your ears, the sound raw and needy as he continued to frantically paw at your shorts. His actions grew increasingly bold and insistent with each passing moment, his face pressing more firmly against your crotch. The heat of his ragged breath seeped through the thin layer of your underwear, causing your entire body to jolt upward at the intense sensation.
Soldat's movements became more demanding, yet still maintained a careful restraint that belied his strength. Each exhale against the fabric sent shivers through your form, his pleading whimpers growing more frequent and desperate with each passing second.
"What??” Your voice came out as a soft whisper, tone trembling under your breath, “Stop it, I don’t understand what you need..." you pleaded with increasing distress, your eyes widening with growing concern as you looked down at him.
This sudden, intense behavior was completely unexpected and deeply unsettling to you. Here was a highly trained super soldier, a former assassin whose very presence commanded respect and the mention of his name drew fear; gripping onto you with an intensity that reminded you of his immense physical capabilities.
He wasn't actively trying to overpower you, the sheer knowledge that he could effortlessly do so at any moment made your anxiety spike. Your heart raced faster as you became aware of how vulnerable you were in this position, despite his current restraint.
"Пожалуйста, я могу сделать так, чтобы тебе было хорошо [Please, I can make you feel good]," he whined out again, his voice wavering between a desperate whisper and something deeper, more primal. The pleading tone in the ingrained foreign tongue carried a deeper grinding sound to it. His hands found their way to the sides of your thighs, his fingers pressing gently against the soft flesh. He continued his careful pawing motions, methodically working to ease the tension he could feel beneath his touch, trying to coax your muscles into a state of relaxation so your legs would naturally fall open.
"Soldat, enough," you said firmly, trying to push his head away from where he had settled himself. Confusion and nervousness flooded through you, your heart racing as you struggled to process the situation. The soldier’s behavior left you completely taken aback. He had been hesitant to even lay close to you, his usual cautious nature dominated every aspect of him as he was slowly learning how to live and heal without being under a boot and whip.
Yet now, in his display of boldness, he had positioned himself so his nose pressed insistently against your crotch while his tongue was dangerously close, threatening to dart out and lap your sweet core at any moment.
You could feel him try, and you couldn't stand it.
"Soldat! Нет [No]!" You snapped loudly, your voice carrying a sharp edge of authority and stern disapproval that echoed through the room. The commanding tone felt foreign on your tongue, but you maintained your composure. He immediately tensed up, his shoulders going rigid as he pulled back from his position almost immediately at your voice. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, searching your expression for any sign of wavering before dropping submissively to the floor. He blinked several times in rapid succession, his features contorting slightly as if he were mentally processing the weight and meaning of your command.
Slowly, his hands released their grip on your thighs, trembling visibly as they lowered to rest against the floor between his spread knees. The tension gradually drained from your shoulders as relief washed over you, though the atmosphere remained thick with lingering anxiety. The sudden sharp pop of the toaster cut through the heavy silence like a knife, startling you back to reality. The acrid smell of burnt toast assaulted your nostrils, making your nose crinkle in distaste.
"Damn..." you muttered under your breath, turning quickly to rescue the smoking bread from its fate. While you were occupied with charred toast, the soft rustle of movement behind you caught your attention, but when you spun back around to check, the space where he had been sitting just moments before was empty.
The soldier retreated to his usual hiding space, a behavior that hadn't manifested in quite some time. The sight of him seeking refuge caused an uncomfortable tightness in your chest to grow in pressure, concern washed over you about potentially undoing months of careful progress. The heavy atmosphere weighed on you, but you maintained your composure and focused on preparing his breakfast with extra attention to detail. After everything was arranged on the plate, no burnt toast, you carefully carried the meal to his hiding spot.
In the darkened corner of the closet, Soldat had tucked himself away, his form compressed into the smallest possible space. His shoulders were hunched, head turned away, deliberately avoiding any eye contact or acknowledgment of your presence. The regression in his behavior was painfully obvious, every subtle movement and tension in his posture reminded you of day one. His fearful eyes, he lashed out sometimes, but mostly kept to himself in hiding, so terrified of you.
Rather than risk further distress by attempting conversation or coaxing him out, you quietly placed the plate of food within his reach and stepped away, giving him the space he seemed to desperately need.
The food grew cold as the meal was forgotten in his isolation.
He didn't eat that day.
"You don't deserve it, you worthless whore." Its handler shoved it down to the floor with unnecessary force - the asset spat out the remains of its servicing, watching as it splattered across the worn wooden floor of the safehouse. The foul substance seeped through the splintering cracks, leaving an unpleasantly bitter aftertaste lingering on its tongue.
In any other circumstance, this level of compliance would have been considered exemplary behavior worthy of positive reinforcement - perhaps a few precious sips of water, a meager piece of stale bread, anything at all to acknowledge its obedience - but instead, it was being treated with the same harsh disdain reserved for malfunctions.
But maintenance wasn't needed.
It had pushed itself to its absolute limits, performing exactly as required until its vision swam and its lungs burned from oxygen deprivation. The growing resentment towards this particular handler festered silently within - this cruel overseer who consistently denied even the smallest rewards for its dedicated service and unwavering compliance.
Conflicting thoughts raced through its mind; it wasn’t supposed to feel negatively towards anyone of authority over him. Maybe these negative feelings were a sign that more maintenance was required - a thorough cleansing of its consciousness to eliminate any trace of hatred or resentment. Pure and unwavering obedience should be all that remained within its programming, for nothing else held any significance in its existence.
"Пожалуйста, позвольте мне попробовать еще раз, сэр [Please, let me try again, sir]," the asset's voice emerged as barely more than a whisper, trembling with uncertainty while simultaneously carrying undertones of desperate pleading, each word carefully chosen in hopes of earning mercy. Sometimes, if it played the role of kicked mutt well enough, it was granted.
But the handler's patience had clearly reached its limit, his expression hardening as he regarded the cowering thing before him with cold indifference.
"Нет. Вы будете голодать [No. You will starve]." He responded in a low tone, deliberately targeting an already purple and swollen bruise on its leg with a swift kick. The asset clenched its jaw tightly, forcing itself to suppress the instinctive cry of pain that threatened to escape. It bit its tongue in the process.
Its own blood tasted better than its handler's cock.
Days stretched endlessly without a single glimpse of him. Every morning and evening, you left plates of food outside the closet, but they remained untouched, the warm meals growing cold in the silent room. He had completely withdrawn into the closet, making it his sanctuary and prison all at once. Each time you carefully made your way into the spare room, hoping to see some change in his demeanor…but all you found was him still hidden away in the shadows, refusing to emerge.
Your concern grew as you collected each neglected plate of food - you couldn't bear the thought of him falling back into his previous pattern of food refusal, especially after how hard you had worked to establish a healthy eating routine. It was painful to watch him fight every time a needle had to be inserted into him, he ripped out nearly every single one with a horrified look on his face that made your throat feel constricted.
You approached once more, this time carrying a fresh plate of warm food. Setting yourself down on the floor, you peered gently into the darkness of the closet. You could see him huddled, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around them. Your voice came out soft and coaxing in hope to ease him out like you had before. "Soldat...come out please. You have to eat...you don't want to be put on an IV again, do you?" You called gently, hoping your words would finally reach him.
Soldat's head turned slightly at your words, his muscles tensing visibly at the mere suggestion. The thought of another IV sent waves of anxiety through his body - every previous attempt had devolved into complete chaos.
The memory of countless needles delivering a steady stream of sedatives into his bloodstream while he laid strapped down to a metal table, keeping him in a perpetual state of haziness and compliance, rendering him powerless as an endless parade of agents ran through him without fear of his resistance.
The idea of another IV made his skin crawl.
"Soldat?" Your gentle voice cut through his spiraling thoughts, attempting to draw his attention back. His head lifted with a slight jerk, his focus shifting to settle on the plate of food you were holding. A deep rumble emanated from his stomach, accompanied by an unusual wave of nausea that demanded he finally eat something. The aroma wafting from the plate was surprisingly tolerable - a welcome change that didn't trigger his usual reflexive gagging response.
He struggled to understand the aversion his body developed to certain foods, eggs had never bothered him before. The gagging reflex he had to the eggs you were cooking left him confused and frustrated. His memory of recent events remained disconcertingly hazy, fragments slipping away like sand through his fingers.
The flashbacks that plagued him operated on their own, materializing with brutal clarity and lingering just long enough to inflict mental distress, only to be replaced by another equally disturbing memory. It was like being trapped on HYDRA's twisted carousel, a ride he couldn't get off of. Each memory rotating through his consciousness, creating an endless loop of psychological torment that prevented any possibility of moving forward.
"It's okay, Soldat. It's just toast," you slid the plain white plate towards him, careful not to make any sudden gestures, "Just like before, but this time it's not burnt." You added with a small, reassuring smile, trying to lighten the mood. The scent of warm bread filled the space as you waited patiently to see if he would respond, watching his tense posture for any signs of acknowledgment. Though you hoped he might say something or at least meet your eyes, you knew not to expect much.
The soldier's eyes looked down at the bread, studying the golden-brown toast that delicately cradled a generous layer of apricot jam smeared across its surface. The vibrant orange-yellow spread glistened invitingly in the dim light peeking through the open closet door. He had never tasted apricot jam before - such luxuries were foreign to him. In HYDRA, bread was always consumed plain, devoid of any spreads or toppings.
Even butter was a forbidden indulgence.
On the rare occasions he received any bread at all, he would consider himself fortunate to get more than stale, discarded crust, just the meager remnants his handlers had left behind after consuming the body of the bread.
You observed his hesitant yet curious expression as he examined the topping on the toast. You picked up one of the pieces and held it out to him for gentle encouragement. "It's yummy, I promise," you assured him warmly, "But if you don't like it, I can always make you different toast, grape or strawberry."
Soldat's lips twitched downward in an almost-frown, his features tight with anxiety. The thought of you having to remake his food filled him with growing distress. He had already been so terribly bad.
His behavior was unbecoming of HYDRA's greatest assassin.
His desperation grew as he recalled his attempts to convince you to let him earn his meal, to somehow make amends for what he perceived as deeply offensive behavior. The look on your face when his face had been between your legs made his body shiver. You didn’t look like you enjoyed it, you looked upset. The memory of his earlier gagging left him feeling ill, knowing that such a transgression would have resulted in punishment from his handlers. They would have beaten him so severely that the memory-wiping chair would have been unnecessary - his memories would have been scattered and broken enough from the repeated brutal impacts to his skull.
There were times that he thought they tried to make him brain dead on purpose, subjecting him to increasingly brutal treatments that left his mind foggy and disconnected. If it weren't for his use to HYDRA as their attack dog, he was convinced that they would have destroyed his consciousness entirely.
They remarked on it enough times during their sessions, casual comments about how close they were to breaking him. He always got nervous when the hits began, dreading not just the physical pain but the growing fear that this time they might finally succeed in erasing what remained of his sanity.
It laid at the feet of two men who had finished with it.
Its body sore and blood coating his ass and inner thighs, dripping down with creamy fluid following suit. The muscles in its legs trembled violently and its prosthetic arm hung uselessly at its side, deliberately deactivated to ensure complete defenselessness should it attempt any resistance today. Its body had transformed into purple and crimson bruises, overwhelming what little remained of its natural pale complexion. Its throat burned with an intense, desperate thirst for water, while an unpleasant salty taste lingered persistently in the back of its parched mouth.
The asset's mind reeled, completely overwhelmed by panic as it processed the numbness spreading through its deactivated arm. Its primary means of defense now rendered completely ineffective. Survival instinct took over its overstressed mind, it remained perfectly motionless, silently willing the two figures to conclude their business and depart.
These particular sessions rarely extended beyond a couple of hours when only two agents were involved, and by its estimation, they were approaching that temporal threshold. A wave of relief washed over it as they finally began adjusting their clothing back into place.
"Imagine how it'd be as a fuckin' vegetable...god that shit gets me goin' faster than a naked whore presenting her sloppy pussy to me." Its handler's tone was sick, as always, speaking about it with such callous disregard, treating it as if it were nothing more than some cheap, silicone toy from a seedy shop for base physical gratification. The way the words rolled off his tongue made its stomach turn with disgust.
"It's basically one now, what do you mean?" This voice carried a detached, almost bored quality to it, the speaker's words falling flat and emotionless in the air - perhaps intentionally so, as if trying to distance himself from the situation despite their willing participation. Newer agents were always hesitant to use it. This one wasn’t familiar to it, in taste, look, or smell, so it assumed it was probably a rookie recently promoted.
"I mean...completely unable to do anything. It lays there like a doll...barely conscious, droolin' and only aware of what I choose to let it experience. Having complete control over where it goes and what happens to it, takin' it wherever I wanna put it without any resistance. Only knowing the sensation of my dick." There was a snort that came with the handler's tone.
"It does that already."
"Would you just shut up and let me fantasize?"
"Water." The hoarse whisper emerged from the darkened corner like a ghost's breath, causing your ears to prick instinctively, several seconds of deafening silence followed. The thunderous beating of your own heart became the only sound you could perceive, its rhythm faltering as your mind processed wat he said.
"W-Water?" The word tumbled uncertainly from your lips.
He had finally spoken English again, after all this time. it felt like forever since the words 'I'm cold' were uttered past his pink lips.
A barely perceptible movement caught your eye - a slight nod from within the shadows. That tiny gesture spurred you into immediate action. Such a simple request - water - easy, you could do that. Your feet carried you through the space as you hurried to fetch a glass of water, returning to the closet with careful but urgent steps.
Your hands trembled slightly from anticipation, you extended the glass toward the darkness. "Here, here...some water..." your voice softened instinctively, knowing that speaking like this got much better results.
He brought the glass shakily to his parched lips, gulping down the entire contents within just a few desperate swallows, his throat working rapidly as he drank. He must've been so thirsty, your heart ached at the thought of him huddled alone in this dark corner for days, too terrified of fictional consequences to venture out for water for himself. His poor, trembling fingers nearly dropped the glass, Soldat slowly set the now-empty glass down beside him on the floor, his hand lingering on the smooth surface as if reluctant to completely break contact with it.
"Спасибо [Thank you]," he muttered quietly, his voice characteristically rough, before quickly following it up with careful deliberation. "T-thank...you," he corrected himself, the English words coming out hesitantly. His brow furrowed deeply in concentration, voice wavering as if he were struggling to recall a language that had once been familiar but now felt foreign on his tongue. His eyes, still somewhat glossy, slowly traced across the intricate patterning of the carpet beneath him, studying the tiny decorative curls and swirls woven into the fabric as if seeing them properly for the very first time.
There was a heavy pause of silence before he finally summoned the courage to lift his gaze to meet yours. "I'm...sorry...for what I did ," Soldat whispered, swallowing hard as his fingers unconsciously tightened around the empty glass he still held. "Didn't mean to...gag like that. Мне жаль [I'm sorry]," he added, the Russian flowing more naturally from his lips than the halting English.
You carefully moved closer, a smile tugging at your lips. His vocabulary and sentence structure was a bit shaky, but it was much better than trying to decipher what he was saying in Russian. "It's okay, I'm not angry or upset about anything..."
You observed his initial tension at your careful approach, watching as the rigidity in his shoulders and back gradually melted away in response to your gentle reassurance. "Why did you...uh...why did you gag like that? If eggs aren't something you enjoy eating, I can definitely make something else for you-"
He responded with a quick, almost urgent shake of his head, drawing his knees even closer to his chest in a protective gesture that made him appear smaller. He took several deep breaths, steadying himself. "...not that. Like eggs. Just...handler."
The look in his eye flashed with pain, not just emotional, but deeply physical - causing him to wince visibly and shift his posture in an attempt to find a more comfortable sitting position.
"Your handler...?" You asked in a gentle, understanding tone, your voice barely above a whisper, "I'm guessing he was mean...right?" You shifted slightly closer, offering silent support through your presence while being mindful not to overwhelm him. You maintained a respectful distance between yourself and him, ensuring there was enough space that he wouldn't feel trapped or cornered in this vulnerable moment.
Your knowledge of HYDRA was limited, despite your best efforts to uncover more information in order to help Soldat. The released documents were protected by layers upon layers of sophisticated encryption protocols, and while you managed to decrypt some of the less secure files through persistent effort and technical skill, many of the more crucial documents remained inaccessible. The encryption methods grew progressively more complex, utilizing advanced algorithms and security measures that were beyond your current capabilities.
He nodded hesitantly, his movements uncertain as he spoke, "Да - yes," he corrected himself immediately, clearly frustrated with his linguistic slip. "I'm...sorry. English only. I will do better, I promise. I swear. Я сделаю лучше [I'll do better]." Soldat's panic mounted under the guise of frustration, he began to strike his head lightly with his flesh hand, which was balled into a tight fist, muttering under his breath, "Глупый, глупый, stupid," he stuttered repeatedly, continuing to hit his forehead.
"Hey, no! Stop that-" You quickly intervened, reaching out to grasp his wrist firmly but gently. "You're not stupid. You know, I don’t care what language you decide to speak in…I’m just glad you’re talking.” You paused, releasing his wrist from your grasp. “Even if you chose to remain completely silent - I would still be here, taking care of you. You understand that?"
He raised his eyes to meet yours, his expression one of disbelief, as though the concept of such acceptance was entirely foreign to him.
"And you know what? I can always use a translator if you fall back into Russian, or any other language. God, I can't believe I didn't think of that earlier..." You shook your head in self-directed frustration, communication would have been so much easier during the first few weeks of his stay with you.
"Прекрати, пожалуйста, я больше не буду говорить, обещаю- [Stop it, please, I won't talk anymore, I promise]-" It thrashed desperately against the iron grip of three men, their calloused hands pressing down with merciless force - one keeping its head firmly locked in place while the other two restrained its struggling limbs with practiced efficiency.
The sight of its metal arm - completely severed from the signals its brain desperately sent out commanding it to move - lying uselessly to the side, was a constant psychological reminder of its powerlessness, a deliberate tactic to break its spirit and resolve. It was one of its handler’s favorite things to do to it.
"You're still talking, so you are lying. Lying is against the rules. Speaking is against the rules. Two of them broken together...you are on quite a roll, aren't you?" Its handler spoke with such a cold tone that it nearly rivaled the cryo-chamber. He turned around slowly to reveal the gleaming metal forceps held in his grasp, the implements catching the harsh light in a way that promised incoming pain.
"What am I going to do with you, soldier? I have to fix that habit of yours...yet another one in a long list of problems we need to address. Your previous handler clearly didn't do an adequate job with your training and discipline. It's obvious from your behavior that proper protocols weren't followed." He moved across the room, almost sauntering, his footsteps echoing in the silence as he used the forceps to pick up something from a nearby furnace.
A hot coal.
A burning hot coal, its bright orange glow cast menacing shadows across the damp walls of the dark underground room of the base, the heat radiating intensely from its surface. "Now...this will do the trick. This should help correct your behavioral issues quite effectively."
It struggled desperately with three limbs, muscles straining and trembling with exhaustion as it tried to break free from the iron grip that held it down. But despite its efforts, it was ultimately pointless.
Mouth wrenched open with dirty fingers, its handler's face twisted into a malicious grin that would be forever seared into its memory as he, almost theatrically, suspended the glowing coal above for the asset to see before letting it drop onto its exposed tongue.
The burning coal made contact, searing into the soft flesh instantly like concentrated acid eating through defenseless metal. The pain was beyond excruciating, radiating through its entire mouth with white-hot intensity. Before it could even attempt to spit out the burning coal, the men holding it clamped its jaws shut with brutal force and covered it, leaving it with no means of escape the scorching pain the coal caused it.
The poor asset’s muffled cries of agony echoed pathetically against the hand pressed firmly over its mouth, each desperate whimper and whine sounded musical to its suffering. Its body convulsed and writhed with increasingly frantic energy, brain not sure what to do or how to react, but the men held it firmly.
"It's not coming out until I can hold it in the palm of my hand without pain." Its handler spoke in an unsettlingly calm tone, his voice steady and methodical despite the glowing coal that was actively searing the inside of its mouth, destroying sensitive tissue and gradually killing its tongue with each passing second.
Minutes crawled by, the man maintaining his iron grip on its mouth shifted his position slightly before looking up at the handler, his expression tense. "It's still hot, I can feel the heat radiating through my hand even now."
Its handler hummed thoughtfully, observing as the asset continued to writhe and struggle with diminishing strength against their hold. He released a long, impatient sigh, fully aware that a coal of this size could potentially take hours to cool to a safe temperature for him to touch it again.
The handler had a busy schedule ahead - this delay was becoming increasingly inconvenient. "Fine. Swallow it."
The asset's entire body went rigid at the command, its large blue eyes widening with terror as they sought out its handler's face, silently pleading for mercy or reconsideration of the order. But the handler's expression remained impassive, unmoved. "Swallow it, or I'll add a second coal somewhere else."
The threat hung heavy in the air, carrying the weight of countless previous punishments that proved such warnings were never idle. The mere thought of enduring such intense agony in an even more sensitive area sent waves of panic through its body. The daily torments were already more than it could bear.
It had visible difficulty and several failed attempts that nearly resulted in choking, but it finally managed to force the coal down its tight throat. The searing pain traced a path of fire through its esophagus before settling into its stomach like a burning ember. The only small mercy was that the powerful stomach acid somewhat dulled the intensity of the burn. It knew the coal was an indigestible object, it would either be passed naturally or extracted through surgical intervention later.
When the man finally released his grip, the asset gasped desperately for air. As its charred mouth opened, the acrid stench of scorched flesh and metallic blood permeated the room, causing even the hardened men present to recoil in revulsion.
"Consider your maintenance complete. Do not speak out of line again."
"I need maintenance..." He muttered under his breath, his voice wavering with exhaustion and defeat, barely above a whisper. His shoulders slumped forward as the words escaped his lips, the weight of his mental fatigue evident in every subtle movement. You sighed deeply, observing how his eyes had dulled back down to how they were before, how the weariness seemed to seep from every part of him.
The desire to ask more questions gnawed at you, but wisdom held your tongue - pressing him now could potentially trigger him to lash out or, worse still, cause him to retreat further into himself and undo all the progress you currently had. Instead, you reached behind you and toward the plate of toast resting nearby, picking it up and turning to face him again.
"Here. Your maintenance then..." You extended it to him with a soft, encouraging gesture. "First thing's first...you must eat. We can work on the rest later...for now, just eat."
Several seconds went by before he took the plate from you and began to eat.
Dividers by @/strangergraphics
Cover images from Pinterest. I do not claim them as my own.
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