#ive never really understood the idea of a comfort movie

[skitskatdacat63]

post 10 of your favourite comfort movies & tag 10 people

Thank you both @suzuki-ecstar and @renaulonso for the tags!!! I don't rewatch movies very often so I feel like these are moreso movies I've actually watched several times more than they are comfort movies lmao, also in no particular order!!

Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse

Ford v. Ferrari

Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc

Star Wars: A New Hope

Casino Royale

Young Frankenstein

Inglorious Basterds

Interstellar(not comforting, makes me sob every single time)

Ocean's Eleven

Blazing Saddles

I tag: @sweatyflytrap @antimonyandthyme @ayceeofspades @sewellove @schumigrace @ellearts @huginn01 @hungriestheidi @skeleton-gluvs @sebbuh (sorry if you've been tagged already!!!)

[myfitnessblog0086]

Okay it's time to drop some fandom stuff:

Rocky Balboa:

I know that I'm kind of late to the rocky party because the movie series has been around since the '70s and gained a lot of popularity in the '80s. I was born in the late '80s and I was aware of this series during the 90s as well. I'm sure I watched one or two movies because my father was familiar with Rocky 2 and 3 but he didn't like 3. But it actually wasn't until the pandemic when I personally gave the movie series a try.

When I revisited the series, I purchased each one in 2021. Somehow I stumbled upon the fact that there was a Rocky IV Director's Cut event that was happening. If I remember I found out the day before and I was lucky to get tickets. I also remember that I invited my father to come with me, but he got food sickness from one of the local diners. It happened around Thanksgiving time, and dad went to one of the usual diners that him and his friend go to every year for their usual turkey dinner. He claims that he got very sick off of their food. So I already paid for the tickets and I had to eat the cost . ☹️ I had a wonderful time though and I was able to get a copy of the Director's Cut for my father to watch. But the movie event was something that I will never forget because it included some interviews at the beginning of the movie that weren't included in any other digital releases.

Also a fun fact that I learned was that Mr T was actually born more than 6 months ahead of my father. So Mr T's current age is 70 and he was born the same year as my father.

But to my surprise I found out that there were also a bunch of other people that had been inspired by the story of Rocky. That's the magic of the movie series. The first two movies were considered the most raw and included a lot of the little moments that led up to the big moments. Those little moments drove the story forward into the big moments.

I personally was a huge fan of the montages because the fact that I saw how much work went into professional boxing. It gave me ideas for things that I could try, and inspired me to go the distance.

Pac-Man:

It's no secret that I was fat, depressed, and binge eating when I was a kid. It was a vicious cycle because I had the so-called "friends" when I was growing up that pretended to be friends but really took time out of their day to cut me down. In the end they were just bullies that decided to use words instead of punching me or throwing me down a flight of stairs or spitting on me.

Pac-Man was a man that ate as much as he wanted, and ran as fast as he could. To me Pac-Man was a comfort video game. For some reason I could always block out whatever was bothering me in life and focus on the game. To me Pac-Man didn't judge because he quite often ate more than I did. He didn't really struggle with weight, (the TV series is another story. Maybe the upcoming movie too.) Fitting into his clothes or being called a fat ass at school.

Pac-Man always looked so happy in his pictures and he always made me so cheerful when I played his games. It was a way for me to forget about the fact that my own father would introduce me as "his grossly overweight" when we would see a new doctor about my weight problem. My dad was a high believer in the fact that if we couldn't solve my weight problem in a year, we had to get a new doctor. For reasons that the current doctor was a quack.

My dad never really understood how correctly to lose weight and I spent a lifetime struggling learning how to. The bottom line is that you can't spend 3 months and lose over 100 lb. That's too much weight to lose over such a short amount of time. They say that 10 lb a month is a healthy weight loss. (To clarify a healthy weight loss means that you're actually putting in the work, and you're actually putting in the diet regime, and you're not giving into something fad diet where you'll just lose the weight very quickly, and then you'll never learn the skills to keep it off so you just gain it all back. Like the lap band. Yes I know somebody who has died from the lap band. He lost all that weight and then he ate too much. The band snapped and he died.)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

Again I was born in the late '80s and I unfortunately didn't really have much money for Comics since I was a kid. I always had to ask my parents for money or to buy me things because I was very young in 92. A Walmart had just moved to our town and the only Comics that They carried were the Archie Comics Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So I never got to read the original Comics until I was an adult. I recently got reinterested in them. It was before they announced Shredder's Revenge and before they announced the Cowabunga Collection.

I do remember bits and pieces of the last final seasons of the original series when they aired on TV. I was actually able to watch most of the TMNT series on 4kids when I was older in 2003. That also included the movie TMNT Forever when it aired.

Yes I really had a lot of the toys when I was growing up when they were hot. I never really was much of a comic Book Guy. Even when I was older I was more of a toys and video games person than a comic books. Or TV and Movies.

Like most people I blame my addiction to Pizza on the TMNT. The truth is that's not true at all. It's where I live. I live in a town that's obsessed with football, and has three aisles of frozen pizza at every grocery store. Plus a section of the store where you can get ingredients to make your own pizza, plus deli where you can take already made raw pizza and go bake it. Plus most of the stores already have hot pizza available for you to just take.

Known as the land of the fat people and where we deep fry everything. I think Family Guy or The Cleveland Show joked that we would deep fry a tire just to make it taste better.

So I had more of the reason to kick my pizza addiction. But besides being obsessed with pizza, the TMNT were known for being badasses and for training all the time. Sometimes for being overly sarcastic.

But in all comic versions and the early TV shows and even the early movies you see them as if they're muscled. Despite their addiction to Pizza, they had weird toppings which sometimes included quite a bit of sugar.

As a diabetic I know to avoid pizza because it's chock full of fat, and the pizza crust can easily be broken down into sugar. Adding hot fudge and marshmallows on top just adds more sugar. Pizza is chock full of salt. Even cheese by itself is before you add the pizza sauce that has additional salt. Before you add the greasy pepperonis that adds additional fat and additional salt.

Yes, vegan pizzas exist. However nobody here likes to eat plant-based cheese, plant based chicken, etc. In short I have never seen a vegan pizza available in this town. I would love to see one and try one.

So I try to keep it as vegetarian as possible when having pizza.

Back to the TMNT tho. Besides pushing Pizza Hut and pizza addiction.. one thing that I've noticed is that they've been training their entire lives. They've been training since a young age and they're supposed to be teenagers. So assuming they've been training at the age of five, (some karate schools believe that kids can start training at the early age of three) they have been training for 12 years. (Assuming that they're all 17. Supposedly Michelangelo is supposed to be the eldest and he's the most fun of the group.)

So it's sort of a gnarly way of reminding me that "three years of boxing isn't enough training dude." Because they've been training for 12 years at the very most and they still have not mastered it yet. Some are better than others but in TMNT 2003, some are further behind than others.

Sadly the only thing I have left to say about each fandom is I have more to say depending on how long the relationship I've had with it. TMNT has a long history with a lot of generations and lots of lore including different dimensions and such. Some stories are more violent and bloody than others.

Pac-Man is mostly games and there have been some TV shows that have not been well received. There's not too many bad games and there's not too much lore unless you get to the more recent games. And the more recent games have different lore. Pac-Man adventures in time for PC claims that the events of the Pac-Man series takes place upon a different planet. Pac-Man World claims that it takes place in a place called "Pac Land".

Rocky is pretty consistent. Except for number four directors cut because as Stallone said "I don't know what I was thinking with that robot."

The original was an oscar-winning movie and won the most awards and the most nominations. Rocky IV comes in second place. Rocky 3 was at least nominated for an Oscar. Nobody really likes Rocky 5. That's consistent as well.

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.

[purplellamanator]

Sorry for the delay! This is the first part of my contribution for @shinranweek The above link is to read the story on AO3 or if you prefer to read off of fanfic, just click here! Of course since this is a tumblr event, the chapter will be posted below the cut. I originally wanted this posted for day 1 for first meetings but unfortunately life got in the way. Just a little insight though, this is heavily inspired by movie 20 The Darkest Nightmare. This is not completed though and I'll post the next part later. Sorry if it seems rushed and thanks to @shinranweek for hosting the event! Loved all the shinran content this week!

Amnesia Part I

Her head. . . . It was pounding so hard she thought it'd implode in on itself.

She clutched at the source with one hand and continued walking forward blindly. Everything she did was blindly. Where she was going, where she came from, why her head hurt. . . who she was; it was all lost to her. And she kept moving forward.

Where was she anyways? Glancing around cautiously, her hand still pressed to her head and now as a slight shield from the blistering sun, she tried to discern her surroundings. It was hard though. Her head was pounding and she could barely think. There was so much noise going on around her to add to that and- she was going to pass out.

Eyes landing on a bench, the woman stumbled hurriedly to the wooden chair before collapsing on it. She felt slightly better now that she was off her feet but not by much. It did allow her to actually see through the fog that was clouding her already injured mind and she lost the need to hold herself together.

Laughing and talking; there was a lot of that. There were families milling about, smiling and chattering excitedly. Obviously she was in a family park of sorts . . . but what had brought her here? Was she here with her family? If so, where were they?

Eyes moving around slowly before seeing a massive ferris wheel in the distance, she felt a semblance of knowledge itch at the corners of her mind. Something was familiar. . Something was familiar about that wheel. .

Had that been why-?

She jerked suddenly when she realized she wasn't sitting alone anymore. Looking beside her, it was a man, not that old at all and maybe in his younger twenties. The surprise wasn't what made her jump though. He was- had he been smelling her?

Even after she jumped away and stared at him as if he lost his mind, the man continued to sniff at her as if he were some sort of dog.

Finally, she cleared her throat. "Um . . . " She wanted to cringe at how awkward the one sound had been. What do you say when one human being sniffs . . another. . ?

And if possible, the man leaned back against the bench completely nonchalant. As if he hadn't just been smelling her . . .

"Gasoline."

His voice had come so abruptly and her eyes blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Gasoline," the man repeated, a satisfied look in his blue eyes. "You smell very strongly of it."

Did she really? The woman raised her arm to her face and sniffed, brows furrowing when she discovered that he was right. The odd stranger was correct and she did smell very strongly of gasoline.

"Are you okay?" He asks when she was still trying to figure why she would smelled like she took a bath in a gas station.

Her eyes flit to his. "I- I think so."

The stranger's brows lifted curiously. She didn't blame him for looking so confused. How could she not know if she were alright? He didn't question her response though and instead said, "You don't look okay. You look and smell like you've been in an explosion." She was sure that was meant to sound like a joke but the possibility that that very well could be true reflected in his gaze; a hint of seriousness.

But for the first time, and only because this stranger pointed it out to her, she was actually taking in her appearance. Clothes disheveled and dirtied, hair tangled and a welt on her head; safe to say she looked and felt like she'd been through an explosion or two.

"Forgive me for cornering you like this but you appeared distressed," he apologized but somehow he didn't sound very sorry at all. "I just saw you stumbling around in those heels and I thought you'd pass out until you collapsed on this bench. Were you coming from work?"

"Work?" The woman mumbled to herself and again took notice of the gray pencil skirt and the white button-up blouse she wore. Where did she work? Did she even work? She could feel the headache coming back again. Or maybe it had never gone away and she had been able to forget about it momentarily. "I don't know," she finally said in a slow realization and his eyes widened even more.

"Do you know your name?"

Do you know your name?

The voice that resounded after his wasn't hers and she heard it only in her mind. A memory- but from what she didn't know. She had been asked that before but she couldn't remember when or why. For some reason, it made her head throb from trying to remember. "My name. . . ?" She was staring hard at the concrete before her on the ground as she continuously ran that question through her head.

"Can you remember?"

She could hear him right beside her- practically feel him leaning towards her when she didn't respond right away. But for some reason it felt like he was muffled and suddenly the man was miles away and she was stuck in her head. "What's my name. .?" So many thoughts rushed at her in that moment and she raised a hand to her welt to try to soothe the pain radiating from it. But it wasn't soothing it; it wasn't making it better and soon both hands were clutching her head as she attempted to recall something that should've been so simple. "My name?" she repeated again and now her breaths were coming out panicked.

Why couldn't she remember her name? It was hers and she couldn't say it?

"Hey!" She could barely feel a firm hand splay across her back as if to comfort her. "Breathe. I'll call an ambulance and we'll-"

"No!" She jerked away from him roughly and attempted to come to a stand. Her legs wobbled and she could barely make a decision between holding her head together or balancing on her own two feet. Something about his statement had her body reacting automatically though and she just knew she couldn't go to a hospital. Why? She didn't understand that yet but her instincts were telling her no and as of now, her instincts were all she had.

The man rose too and moved slowly towards her as if approaching a scared animal. "We'll get you help. We'll find where you came from," he tried again and went to help her stand.

Where I came from. . to take me back. . . ? Back to-

Nails digging into her head as the pain became intense, she stumbled away each time he moved closer. "No," she shook her head and it became apparent to her that tears were streaming down her cheeks from the pain. "I- I can't-!"

Couldn't what? Go to the hospital? Go back to some unknown place that her body was rejecting? It was all too much.

And suddenly startling them both and everybody in the vicinity, she began screaming from the pain as something tried to force its way to the forefront of her mind. It couldn't though and it was just so much pain and she couldn't stop yelling and before she knew it she was falling and falling.

Heavy lids blinking open a few times to adjust to the brightness, she felt weird. Her head was sore but that was a given. But she didn't feel herself as if she were a mind in someone else's body. That's what she really was in that moment considering she couldn't recall something so simple as her own name.

Her mouth felt dry and her eyes tight as she took in her surroundings. She was in a bed- a hospital room and hooked up to some IV that was probably full of saline. Something else she became apparent to was the fact she was all alone. No one else was in the room with her.

So why was the first thought to strike her was to sneak out that far window? It was like an unconscious reaction that she shouldn't be there in that room; that she had somewhere else she needed to be and that she knew deep down she was never to be in a hospital.

But why?

Thankfully, the woman didn't get the chance to act out her idea because in the next second the door was creaking open slowly and a head was peeking in. It was the stranger- the man from before. And when he saw that she was awake and sitting up in her bed, a grin cracked across his face.

"I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"

Honestly, she felt terrible. "Better," she said instead. At least she could actually remember what happened before she landed herself here.

"Remember anything?"

She gave him a curious glance. "I remember my head hurting and passing out while we were talking." That was it and he understood fully what she meant. She still couldn't remember her name or anything else before they met.

He must've saw the way her eyes slowly slid around the room uneasily. "I took you to a friend. We're not in a hospital."

Those words really did bring a certain amount of relief for her. Though she still had this mild feeling of wanting to jump out the window, it felt like a weight had lifted off her.

Stepping further into the room, he took the seat beside her bed and she wondered if he had really been here the entire time waiting for her to wake up. "We'll figure it out soon enough. A detective is waiting to speak with you when you're ready."

Detective? Her insides clenched and that again was another red flag. She didn't want to speak with a detective. Swallowing away her body's natural panic, she attempted to pay it off. "Y-you called the police?" She wasn't fooling this man though and she briefly wondered how he could read her emotions so easily.

"Let's just say they're my friends as well," he gave a small but relaxed grin.

Other than for the heaviness of her head, she really felt better now. If he was telling the truth then he had saved her from having to worry about any legal consequences or actions. "Who are you?" He hadn't told her after all. He had been too busy . . smelling her and asking for her name. But he had helped her as well it would seem. Such an unusual person. . .

His blue eyes widened as if he just realized he never told her that. It seemed unlike him but his cheeks actually tinted a slight pink. "I can't believe I didn't even tell you my name," he scratched the back of his brown hair awkwardly and she could hear the unspoken apology in his tone. "I'm Kudou Shinichi." He said it so proudly and matter of fact that the woman was taking back her earlier accusation. He wasn't awkward because he had forgot to mention his name. He was just used to people already knowing it and since she didn't she hoped that didn't take him down a notch. After all, she couldn't even recall her own so why would she remember his?

Kudou Shinichi.

But then again, maybe she did. There was some sort of recognition that came with the name.

Again, that awakened a voice within her but this time she didn't push the fact. Last time she had given herself a migraine and she thought her brain would explode.

"Thank you then, Kudou-san," she said sincerely. "I'm sorry for any trouble this has caused you."

"Not at all," he waved her off. "I'm a de-."

A firm knock resounded around the room before the door creaked open slightly again. Only this time it was someone the woman did not recognize. Based off their clothes though, she was able to determine it was one of her nurses.

She was proven correct when the woman clad in her scrubs turned to another and said, "She's awake but the doctor doesn't want you questioning her long. We're still examining the severity of her brain damage and she doesn't need any stress." And then the door was held open farther so a couple could enter; one man and one woman.

She determined these were the detectives Kudou-san had warned her about. Instantly, she was on guard but she couldn't tell what was to blame. Her body seemed to do it unconsciously and she knew she couldn't speak freely with them. Why would it matter though? She couldn't remember anything not to speak freely with them. And Kudou-san had also said that they were there as his 'friends'.

As they stepped closer and she tensed even more, Kudou-san stood up in what seemed respect to greet the other two. Soon he was moving aside granting them full access to her bedside and she felt her chest cinch up nervously.

Her gaze instantly appraised the woman. She held a certain air of authority that demanded it. She seemed to be in her thirties maybe, the injured girl couldn't tell. But through her stern features she seemed kind enough so far. The man appeared much more at ease than her. She didn't want to mistake it for timidness but she could tell who was the boss in this partnership. Or better yet, who bad cop good cop was.

The woman was the first one to address her proving her theory even more. "I'm Detective Sato and this is my partner Detective Takagi." She paused to give her a chance to speak but all she could do was nod her head respectfully. It wasn't like she could respond with her own name.

"Kudou-kun suspects you've been in an accident of some kind. Not only would we like to find and hold whoever is accountable, our goal is also to identify whom you are."

"I don't think I'll be much help," she admitted apologetically. "I don't remember anything before meeting this stranger." Her eyes flit to the brown haired man that stood to the side.

The woman nodded her head as if she already knew this. "After what Kudou-kun described earlier today and what the doctor explained, I don't expect you to remember anything. So I'll ask you a few basic questions and if you can't answer them, that's okay."

She wasn't too sure that was a good idea. After the pain from last time. . .

The two detectives must've noticed the uneasiness on her features and Detective Takagi actually spoke up. "We don't want to further your condition. Don't push yourself."

Detective Sato nodded before clearing her throat. "It is to my understanding that you don't remember your name so I won't bother asking you about that. Instead, I'd like to know the first thing you do remember."

She swallowed uneasily as she watched the detectives before her. The woman couldn't really understand why but their presence bothered her a great deal. To forget about that, she tried focusing on the question. The very first thing she could remember . . .

"I-I was in an alleyway," she revealed. "My head hurt badly and I didn't know what was going. I could barely stand."

"Can you recall where this alleyway was?"

She shook her head slowly. "I hadn't stuck around for long." Her tone seemed curious about her actions; or maybe perturbed as to why she hadn't. It was something deep down inside of her that told her she had to keep moving.

"Why did you go to that park specifically? Why not the police?"

The ferris wheel.

The answer surfaced swiftly and assuredly through her thoughts. She didn't know why she went there just for the ferris wheel but the fact she knew even that much was something. Yet. . she didn't tell them.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "It felt safer and just calm. I wasn't thinking to go to the police." Of course she left out that she couldn't go to a police department. But she could just use the excuse of confusion until she knew what was going on with her. To be fair, she really was confused.

Detective Sato nodded before pulling a card from her pocket. "I didn't expect you to know much and you are on bed rest so I'll end this here." Handing the card to her, the injured girl looked at it curiously. "That's my number. If you remember anything about yourself or the accident, call me."

She nodded again and her cheeks tinted a slight pink. That's all she's done for the past few hours. How embarrassing it was that she couldn't even think to hold a conversation. "T-thank you," she choked out but it sounded completely forced and her grin appeared as a grimace. And either they didn't notice or they just didn't feel like making her even more uncomfortable because the detectives bowed their heads respectfully before exiting.

Not giving her a chance to relax, the door opened again and now what she assumed was her doctor entered. She watched the man even more uneasily. For some reason the doctor bothered her more than the detectives. The man didn't seem too bad. A normal middle aged man dressed in his medical coat and carrying a clip board; there was nothing particularly daunting about him but something . . frightened her.

She started sweating. Her heart beating furiously could be heard on the monitor and she felt her cheeks enflame even more.

"Looks like someone's afraid of the doctor's office," he joked with a warm smile and a wink. "I'm Doctor Araide. I've been looking after you since Kudou-san brought you in."

That didn't put her at ease at all and she swallowed through her dry throat. Forcing herself to breathe evenly, the beeps from the monitor slowly went back to normal. She was thankful the doctor hadn't made too much of a big deal over it but Kudou-san was actually looking at her with a calculating frown. All she could do was try to convince her brain that it was alright. They weren't really in a hospital and that she needed to calm down.

"Well," he went to sit on the chair beside her and she tensed up some more. He didn't point it out this time thankfully and continued with," I have some bad news and some good news."

"What's the bad?" she took the initiative to ask. She'd rather get that out of the way first.

Doctor Araide sighed before shaking his head. "We ran prints and DNA through our systems and through the police department's records as well to see if we could pin you with a name. You're not in any of the systems and no one has reported a missing persons case." Seeing the disheartened look on his features he said, "Don't worry. That could mean many things. You just might not be around from this part of Japan and thankfully you don't have a record to warrant the police's attention."

She nodded slowly, trying to focus on the positive side. It was hard though when she was so confused. She literally had nothing. Not even memories.

"Now for the slightly better news. . . " And for this he actually looked at his clipboard and flipped back a few pages. "I'd still like to do a few more brain scans just to make sure your condition hasn't worsened but it appears to be psychogenic amnesia."

"P-psychogenic. . . ?"

"Retrograde amnesia," he corrected for her in simpler terms. "It's a form of memory loss that can follow a physically or emotionally traumatic event. Luckily, I believe yours isn't too severe."

"So. . . I won't keep passing out?" she asked hopefully from her bed. It hadn't been a very nice feeling from what she could remember and waking up hadn't been any easier either.

Doctor Araide sighed as if he didn't want to make her any promises. He probably couldn't and instead said, "I think that was your body reacting to a memory that . . . psychologically," he finally settled on that word, "you wanted to avoid."

"Basically. . . I don't want to remember." The injured woman nodded but could feeling the beginnings of a headache; only this time it was different. Instead of just straight and abrupt pain this one seemed to stem from stress and disappointment. What had happened to her so bad in her life that she didn't want to remember any of it?

"Not necessarily," the doctor said anxiously. He must've saw what her own statement meant for her. "It was only a theory. What's more important is there was no physical damage to the brain. Cases like these- I don't want to give false hope, but typically my patients that have experienced something similar, all regained some form of memory to their life before their accident."

Though he basically told her not to get too excited, her heart grew brighter. Maybe she wouldn't be a nobody forever and like he said, at least there was no serious damage. "Is there anything I can do that will hasten the process?" The woman didn't want to lose her calm façade in front of the doctor but it was hard to hide it in her voice.

And like a doctor would, he detected it easily. "You're still on bed rest," he warned. "Besides the amnesia, you suffered some major bruising to your ribs and abrasions to your face."

Her eyes widened. She hadn't even noticed. Had she been walking around with bruised ribs all this time? It was hard to believe but maybe whatever accident she had been in numbed her.

"I-" She cut herself off nervously. She didn't want to stay here. Doctors were meant to help people; she knew that deep down. But a certain fear deep inside of her chest- she couldn't deal with that here and surrounded by it. "I don't want to stay here."

And just like that, both the doctor's and Kudou-san's eyes were flitting towards her incredulously.

"I don't think you understand the severity of your condition," Doctor Araide started. "Your wounds are ones fitting of a car accident. You are in no state to be living on your own. And legally, I cannot let you leave on your own."

She wasn't legally a patient here. She was sure of it from Kudou-san's words and she wasn't about to stay here longer than she had to. She didn't want to be here and as far as she was concerned, she didn't have to be. She tried to be nice and let them have their questioning and their tests. Now she wanted to leave. She was fine just on her own until that stranger started smelling her. She wished she jumped out that window when she had the chance.

"Any more stress could damage your chances of gaining anything from your past."

That had her pausing her retort, biting her lip in contemplation. She didn't want to stay here. This wasn't comfortable for her. In fact, it frightened her quite a bit and what was even worse- she didn't know why.

Seeing that she wasn't too fond of this place but also realizing she understood her condition, the stranger from before spoke up again only this time addressing the doctor. "She can stay with me."

The doctor was staring at her now, a frown on his face before turning that disapproving stare on Kudou-san. "It was already wrong of me not to send this woman to a hospital let alone to not call the police. How can you ask me to let her leave?"

"She'll stay at my house. I have more than enough room and I'll watch over her," he replied easily while giving her wary sideways glances. It looked like he was worried she was going to just jump and leave herself without listening to what they had to say.

It was tempting.

"I'll let you leave tomorrow morning if you stay the night," was the doctor's final offer. Either that or he would more than likely inform the law enforcement. She didn't want to risk getting any of them in trouble for hiding this for her.

Lips pursed uncomfortably, she nodded her head once. "And then I can leave?"

"Like I said earlier, I want to run a few more brain scans and make sure there's no lasting damage through the night. After that, I am letting you leave with Kudou-san to be in his care." Doctor Araide put extra emphasis so she knew she would not be leaving alone.

True to his word though, the next morning she and Kudou-san were filling out documents. The entire time Doctor Araide was standing over her- prattling her to stay. After the restless night she had however, that wouldn't be happening. It was like she was about to crawl out of her skin. She didn't feel safe.

"Ma'am," the doctor turned to face her. "I really do not recommend this." It was a last ditch effort really. The hours long process was finally over and Kudou-san was pulling his car around as she waited.

"I know. Thank you for all you've done," she bowed. If it hadn't been for the fact that this was his practice and they had in fact taken her to a hospital, she knew this wouldn't have gone done as smoothly as it did.

Doctor Araide sighed disappointedly. "Please come back if you experience any pain or illness. You have a head injury and that could make appearances as nausea, soreness- anything." And he too was handing her a card and she couldn't believe she was receiving a second one. "This is my work number. It's always on and do not hesitate to call. Kudou-kun has my number as well."

After a few more departing words on the doctor's part on how she needed to be careful, she was waiting in the passenger seat as Kudou-san talked privately with him. She didn't pay it any mind and figured the man had finally given up on trying to convince her to stay there. Instead, he must be giving Kudou-san explicit instructions as he had done prior with her.

She jumped when the door opened and he slid into the driver's seat. Not realizing he was done talking, the girl noticed the doctor was long gone and not even standing on the porch any longer.

"So," he began as he buckled his seatbelt. "Is there anything you'd like me to call you?"

His question actually threw her. She just assumed she'd be left a no-name until she either remembered or those two detectives identified her- whichever came first. The woman thought about it though before shaking her head. Thinking about it gave her a headache and she honestly didn't know what she'd like to be called. Her real name definitely but at the moment that wasn't a possibility. Then to make it even harder, she knew nothing about herself to conjure up some nickname.

Kudou-san waved her off. "We'll figure something out," he said reassuringly. "Let's get you settled in first."

"Where are we?" she piqued curiously. Somehow her brain had retained the information that she was indeed Japanese and still in Japan. Why it didn't know anything else she'd never figure out.

"I live in Beika."

All she could do was nod again. Nothing seemed familiar about the area or name. A little bit of her hope diminished with that but she wouldn't get too discouraged yet. The doctor had hinted that this loss was more than likely temporarily until her mind could come to grips with what happened.

For some reason, when she was informed that she'd be staying with this Kudou Shinichi, she had pictured an apartment. Maybe a two bedroom flat in the city. What their car pulled up to however, she was practically pressed to the window in amazement.

It was a mansion- and no, she was not exaggerating. The house was huge and gated in and everything. Again she had to ask, "Who are you?" Not just anybody could afford a place like this. He had to be somebody important.

He looked at her surprised as he walked up to the gate and pulled it open. It was already unlocked apparently. "I already told you." When he saw she was still looking up in awe at the place that would be her home for at least the next few days, he sighed. "My mother is an actress and my father is an author. They left me the place to live in the States."

Glancing at him, she had a brief moment to wonder if that's why she recognized his name. The fact he had famous parents was more than explanation enough. She was curious to just who his parents were now but he seemed uncomfortable on the topic so she respectfully didn't push it. Instead she said, "Is it just you here?" She was curious. He looked to be in his early twenties and he wasn't bad looking at all. Maybe he had a wife or girlfriend.

"Well now there's you," he pointed out.

Blinking, she was a little flabbergasted that he owned this mansion all to himself. "You live here alone?" Still staring at the hard iron gates blocking the entry way, she felt a sort of cold sensation overcome her. How could someone live in such a big building all by themselves? She knew already that she wouldn't want to and she didn't even know who she was.

Kudou-san took a moment to pause and look at her as if she needed to pay attention. "No. Now, you live here too."

She actually took a moment to glare at his retreating back. The woman wasn't able to tell he was joking until he turned and gave her a small smirk. It was hard to stay irritated when someone smiled at you like that. And the fact he kept this entire thing a secret also helped but she didn't really want to bring that up anymore. Instead, she wanted to focus on getting to know the new place she'd be staying at for however long he chose to deal with her.

After he shut the gate behind them and resumed strolling down the pathway, her gaze raked across the front entrance and the surrounding yard. There was grass and it was green and there was indeed paint on the shutters and front door, but something disturbed her about the scene. She couldn't explain it well but it all just seemed so . . . dead. The front area near the front windows was completely bare where it appeared a garden may of been there quite some time ago. Actually entering the house and into the foyer, the shoe cubby was empty except for one pair. And eyes scanning the barren walls and the way their voices echoed around the spacious house- it was empty.

And there she had the answers to her own curious questions. There was no wife. There was no girlfriend. And based off the shoe rack, there wasn't even any guests. Did he really live here. . ? A hollow feeling ironically filled her heart. She couldn't explain it but she had the weird urge to open the shades and start cleaning. Not that it was messy or anything. It was clean- too clean if possible.

Kudou-san didn't notice the way she scrutinized the building as she followed him up the stairs. If he did, he didn't say anything about it and she walked quietly in his slippers. She assumed they were his considering they were the only pair by the door and he was forced to walk around in his socks. He must not receive many visitors.

"You can stay in here," he said as he opened one of the many doors in the upstairs hallway. "Since I only really had the night to prepare, it's not much. We can go out and buy you some clothes and stuff tomorrow though if you're up to it." It came out unsurely and when she glanced back at him he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

The woman shook her head with a small grin. "This is fine. Thank you for allowing me to stay." She was still curious as to why he did it. He had no clue who she was and neither did she. She had absolutely no memory of her prior life and some possible health issues. If she was asked, she'd say she was more trouble than it was worth.

"I have a neighbor that is about your size. She lent me some clothes for you to use- if you don't mind them of course," he corrected quickly.

Eyes a bit wide from the fact he actually thought she'd care about having to borrow clothes, she shook her head again. "I am very thankful for her offer and would be more than happy to get out of these." She had been wearing the same clothes she woke up in the first day with Doctor Araide. He had given her a pair of hospital pants and a white t-shirt.

"I have your original clothes in the wash." He had a thumb pointing behind him in the direction she assumed was the laundry room.

All she could do was bob her head in acknowledgement. In a way, she was thankful. Those clothes were her only grasp on where she had come from. On the other hand, they sort of felt detached. She couldn't remember anything about them so they almost held no meaning to her. She just wished she could remember something.

"Is your head hurting?"

She almost wondered why he would be asking her that but then she took notice to the frown she had on her features. The girl hadn't even realized she'd been doing it. Straightening her features, she fixed her lips upward into a small grin. "Not at all."

Kudou-san had been in the process of saying something when the grand doorbell resounded around the massive home. A confused scrunch of his brows showed he wasn't expecting any visitors today. "Excuse me," he nodded his head at her before turning to go. "Go ahead and settle in."

Back facing her, the man wasn't able to see the puzzled and incredulous look she bore. Settle? Settle what. Turn down her sheets to go to bed? She had nothing. There was nothing to settle. Not saying anything though, she decided to just follow him. It might be those two detectives with a lead.

"I told you not on the first day," he came Kudou-san's disapproving tone. He didn't sound angry but there was hint of scolding in his tone and she wondered who was on the receiving end. "She just got back from the doctor's and she needs to rest today." He was glancing down, almost bent over at the waist to talk down. Now she was curious.

"I just wanted to give her these!" came a cheerful voice if she'd ever heard one.

Making her way further down the steps, she noticed the way Kudou-san gripped the door open enough for him to speak. Hoping it wasn't too forward of her, she pried the door open further. It was obvious they were talking about her anyway and she didn't feel like resting much.

Shocked at first, it was enough to catch him off guard and the door opened further. Eyes looking forward, her eyes had to flit down when she realized once again, it was a small child; a little girl. Her hair was dark and cut short, a headband with a bow on her head. All in all, she looked adorable and the woman felt a wide smile tug at her features.

Practically shoving the man out of the way- or even forgetting he was there, she came to a kneeling position. "What did you want to give me?" she asked softly at the child's wide eyes. She wasn't sure but she hoped her sudden appearance hadn't frightened the girl. She really was tiny and she had to wonder how old she was. Maybe seven, if she had to guess?

The small girl's cheeks turned a flustered pink as she hid her hands behind her, an embarrassed look as she glanced at her feet. "I can come back tomorrow. Shinichi-oniisan says you need to rest."

Unlike with Kudou-san, she was being shy. It was no surprise considering she had no clue who she was.

The woman made to appear as if she were thinking. "Well, we can tell Shinichi-oniisan that the sun's still up," she replied with a sideways glance in his direction and she almost laughed. That got the little girl looking up at her again she felt her heart warm as a small giggle escaped her.

"What's your name?"

Now a bit more at ease she excitedly said, "Yoshida Ayumi!"

"That's really pretty," she complimented and if possible, the pink on the small child's cheeks got pinker.

"My parents named me after my grandmother. It means to step or. . to walk your. . " She kept stuttering and cutting herself off as she thought really hard to remember.

The woman wasn't really sure where the burst of knowledge came from but she paused the struggling verbal thoughts of the girl. "To walk your own way," she corrected.

Ayumi gasped happily. "Yes! That's it!" She giggled herself when the girl bobbed her head excitedly.

"Here you go, Onee-chan!"

The woman had to blink at the sudden appearance of flowers in her face. When she realized this must've been what the girl was hiding behind her back, she smiled before grabbing the stem from the child's hand. They were orchids and they were almost a violet color. Where had she pulled this from?

Eyes moving back to Ayumi-chan's, she smiled wider. "Thank you. It's really pretty."

Ayumi-chan pointed at the woman's face. She had to blink again from the sudden closeness. "Just like your eyes!"

Her eyes? The woman hadn't really paid that any mind. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't even looked in a mirror yet. Surprisingly she hadn't thought to do so. Most of her time had spent in a doctor's office. It would be like staring at a stranger anyway.

"My eyes?" She still repeated as she stared into space. How could she not know the color of her own two eyes? She felt her head start to ache.

Ayumi-chan nodded surely. "Say. . . what's your name?" It must've just hit her that she wasn't aware who she was talking to. Truthfully, the woman had forgot herself too. So used to being a noname for the past two days, she didn't think to introduce herself.

"Um. . . "

Kudou-san saw her unease and appeared ready to turn this conversation around. Ayumi was way ahead of him however.

"I'll bet your name is Ran- like the orchid!" she chirped excitedly as she pointed at the flower that she still held in her hand.

Ran? Was that her name? There was nothing there; nothing familiar about the title. But as she twisted the violet orchid in her grasp, and turned the name over and over in her thoughts, she felt a slow smile return to her face. It did have a pretty ring to it.

Kudou-san looked fully prepared to scold her. He didn't want the woman to have another meltdown from trying to force a memory. "Ayumi-chan-!"

But she interrupted him. "How did you know?"

And the man had to take a second to wonder if she really remembered and that was indeed her name. But based off the humorous twist to her lips, he could tell it was mostly to amuse the small girl. If it really was her name, she didn't know but she didn't appear to be about to argue it.

"I knew it," Ayumi-chan gasped happily. "It's because of your pretty eyes!"

"Ayumi!"

All three heads shot up to glance just before the Kudou manor gates. There were two boys that appeared to be the same age as the small girl and she figured they must be classmates.

"Oh! That's Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun. I'm supposed to be working on school work with them." With that she practically skipped down the front entrance steps towards the two boys. "Bye Shinichi-onii-san! Bye Ran-nee-chan!"

Little girl long gone and now back Kudou-san glanced at her. "That was nice of you."

The woman was still sitting on the couch, violet orchid in her hand as she twirled the stem. "It's not like I had a name to begin with," she shrugged. She couldn't hide the warm feeling she felt though. For once, that she could remember, someone had given meaning to something in her life. Even if it was because of chance that her eyes happened to be the same color of that particular orchid. She had a name with a meaning. She had a meaning.

Her eyes slid over to Kudou-san whom hovered in the doorway. His own gaze shot to the floor and she couldn't really tell but it seemed like his cheeks gained a tint of color. Had he been watching her?

He cleared his throat. "I could get a small vase for that," he suggested looking up at her finally. "Did you want one, Ra-?"

He cut himself off abruptly and this time she was positive he turned red.

She wasn't at all offended by his forwardness. In fact, she felt better knowing that he now had a name for her. She wasn't nameless. He probably felt uncomfortable or rude calling her some child's nickname. "I have something else in mind . . and," glancing briefly at the flower again and back to him, a small grin twisted her lips. "You can call me Ran."

[ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa]

Addicted To You

Part VI: Hold On Loosely

Summary/Author’s Note: ITS BEEN SO LONG. I MISSED FRANKIE SO MUCH. also. Holy shit, I love you guys. Part I -- has been my first fic to reach 500+ notes and that is just bananas to me and also wild that it was Frankie that did it. He deserves all of the love. 

So, for those who have seen the movie know what is about to happen. But it might not be in the way you think. We get a little bit more Reader and Pope interaction and someone mentioned wondering about her relationship with Benny and I was like Oh perfect timing for this then...Enjoy. Gif credit to @pascalplease 

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Pope’s Sister!Reader Word Count: 4.1k Warnings/Rating: R/18+ Language, TOM (yeah he moved up), No one fucking listening to Frankie, Frustration, Intense situations, FUCKING murder, pining/longing, getting slightly turned on by Frankie piloting again--don’t lie we all do it, Frankie distress, blood/injuries

Part I * Part II * Part III * Part IV * Part V (bold means smut**)

[MASTERLIST]

--

“What’s my name?!” he yelled over the wind of the helicopter behind him.

“I-I don’t know,” She hugged her own body, clutching the duffel bag to her chest and looked at him with uncertainty. The wind blew her dark hair around her face and she made it a point to put herself between her younger brother and the man in front of her. 

“Your buddy back there--” he swung his arm around and pointed. “What’s his name?” She shook her head and he raised an eyebrow. “I can just go ask him!”

“I said I don’t know!”

“Now,” he touched her arm and she had to fight not to shrug him off. He dipped his head and his tone was condescending. “When you two finally had sex--and you rolled over and said, ‘what’s your real name’--what’d he say?” 

“That never happened!” She shrugged him off then and snarled at him. “He told me you served together...and that you were honest.”

“Why’d he say that?” Tom leaned back in mild surprise.

“Because I asked if he trusted you.”

“Why?”

“I was worried about you cheating him…”

The chopper had landed on the Peruvian border just like Pope had promised. They had dropped off the informant and her brother and although you couldn’t hear what was being said, you could tell by Tom’s dramatic body language and the disgust on her face that it wasn’t a pleasant conversation. Your brother handed her their cut of the money and touched her face tenderly as she held onto his arm and they said their goodbyes. 

Tom stormed back onto the helicopter and sat down, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. You couldn’t help but think that he reminded you more and more of a child throwing a tantrum instead of a hardened military veteran leading a mission. It was as if he knew you were staring because he opened his eyes and looked at you. You averted your gaze quickly. 

Pope cleared the threshold of the copter and took Benny’s seat as the younger man went up to take his shift with Frankie in the cockpit. Your brother put his headset on and opened his arm so you could lean against him and hug his side. 

“You liked her, didn’t you?” you asked him, looking up with your head on his chest.

“I’m just glad she’s safe.” He said vaguely and you knew not to push the subject. He rubbed his hand up and down over your arm as if to warm you up and you let out a sigh of contentment. 

“She’s lying,” Tom’s voice crackled through the coms on the headsets and both you and Pope looked at him. 

“No, she’s not.” Pope said firmly and glared at the other man. 

“You know what we should have done?” Tom let his thought remain unfinished and you felt your brother tense under your arms. Your stomach dropped as you realized what Tom meant. Before either of you could say anything, Will spoke up, always the voice of reason.

“That’s one you wouldn’t come back from, brother,” he said. He was leaning back against a few of the duffel bags with his arm propped up to keep his side un-strained.

The four of you were quiet for a long time, each mulling over Tom’s words in your own way as the chopper whirred around you rhythmically. The dark sky was crystal clear and you watched as the city below you slowly started to disappear and give way to the dark tops of the trees. 

“You still doing okay?” Pope asked and you nodded. 

“I’m exhausted,” you said, trying your best to stifle a yawn with his shirt. “But I’m worried if I sleep I’m going to wake back up in that mansion.” It was the first time you had admitted it out loud, but, however ridiculous, it was the truth. Every time you closed your eyes, it was as if you were back in that room, tied to that chair. The darkness that enveloped you wasn’t from sleep, it was the goddamn blindfold being put back over your eyes and it made your heart start racing as panic built in your chest. 

“Hey,” Pope said, dipping his head to look at you. “You know I was going to find you no matter what, right?” He gave you another squeeze. “I wasn’t leaving this fucking jungle without my little sister.”

You released a heavy breath and laid your head back against your shoulder, smiling slightly and forcing your mind to remember that you really were safe. Before you could start to drift off, you opened your eyes and leaned back enough to look at him. “If I promise to try and sleep, will you go check on Frankie?”

Pope chuckled and rolled his eyes before succumbing to your request. “Yes. You rest and I will go check on Fish.” As he got up, he shrugged his jacket from his shoulders and tossed it over you before moving towards the cockpit. 

"The weight drags when we get into higher altitudes so I want to keep it under 5,000 feet until we hit the Andes. We'll hit the ocean in four hours." Frankie's voice came through the com on your headset and you suddenly felt better. Tom's voice came through confirming that they had heard him and understood. 

Four hours. Four hours and you would be headed home. After everything, it seemed like such a small amount of time and with Frankie at the helm, there was nothing to worry about. 

--

When you woke up, it was because you were shivering. The main hull of the helicopter had dropped a considerable amount as it flew through the night and started to rise in altitude the closer it got to the Andes. Your brother was still gone but his jacket was pooled in your lap where it had slipped down off your chest. Both of the Miller brothers were sleeping peacefully and you were glad that Will had finally managed to get comfortable. 

You sat up and slipped your headset back on so you could hear what they were saying. Standing up and stepping into the cockpit, the view out of the front of the aircraft was breathtaking. The mountains were huge, rocky crags that were covered in bright, white snow that reflected the sun off of its smooth surface. 

"I'm gonna try and head for the two peaks I saw on the map. If we can aim for that valley it will be easier," Frankie said.

"Roger," Tom replied and both men looked up as you stepped over the threshold and put your hand on Frankie's shoulder.

"Hey, you," he said quietly, giving a small smile as you gave his arm a squeeze. 

"It's beautiful," you said, clearing the sleep from your voice and nodding ahead of you. There was a clear divide between the lush, green trees on the mountains below and the drastic change in altitude that allowed for the snow to accumulate. 

"It is," Frankie nodded, reaching forward and flipping up a small switch before putting both hands back on the joy stick. "You finally rest?"

"A little," you said. You pulled your headset down to rest on the base of your neck so you could lean forward and kiss his cheek gently. He kept his eyes ahead but the action made him smile, making the small lines at the edge of his eyes crinkle. 

"Can you cut the domestic bullshit please?" Tom said, gruffly. "How steep do you think that is?" He pointed to the nearest peak and Frankie looked at him sternly. 

"It's about 11,000 feet. We can't make that. I gotta find another way." Frankie shook his head and readjusted his grip on the controls. 

"That's the quickest way to the ocean from here. You should go for it."

Both you and the man to your left looked at Tom in surprise and annoyance. Who was he to call the shots like this? This wasn't a matter of choice, this was a matter of if something was possible or not. You put your hand on Frankie's shoulder as the helicopter started to rise up the side of the mountain. 

Frankie dipped his head to look up through the windshield, glancing down at all of the controls and watching as the lights started to flash in warning. You looked over your shoulder as Pope came up to stand behind you and watch what was happening. 

"Alright, baby," Frankie said softly, talking to the aircraft. "Alright, baby, come on now." 

He caressed the controls like he had caressed you. His fingers were familiar with them, what made them tick, and how best to move each dial and joystick. Frankie had always flown with a meticulous care that never failed to impress you--it was his favorite thing in the world. His heart lived in the sky and you loved that about him. A loud and rapid beeping drew you from your thoughts as the control panel started blinking red and orange.

"We're redlining man," Pope spoke up behind you as he pointed to the sensors. 

"It's close though," Frankie grit his teeth and cursed under his breath. "It's too much weight. It's too much fucking weight. We're never going to make it."

"What does that mean?" Tom asked, sternly.

"It means we're losing fucking money."

"You wanna leave 50 million dollars in the middle of the jungle?"

"You wanna get to the ocean?" Frankie snapped finally, his voice not leaving any room for argument from Tom. The other man glared at him for a moment before looking over his shoulder to address Pope.

"Alright, go do it."

The idea that Tom controlled what he imagined to be the fate of the money, but in reality it was all of your lives, was complete insanity to you--especially because he seemed to be so flippant about the importance of the latter. You looked over your shoulder as your brother lowered the hatch on the back of the aircraft and a bitterly cold wind filled the cabin. The Miller brothers started shoving duffel bags filled with money out into a free fall down to the snow covered landscape of the Andes. 

The immediate beeping of the control panel quieted down and Frankie gave an approving nod. “That's feeling better.” He dipped his head lower, leaning forward in his chair as if the movement would help the craft in its painfully slow ascend over the mountains. “Come on. Come on.”

You held your breath as Frankie crested you over the top of the mountain and, just like he promised, there was the ocean. The sun glittered off the water as it rose in the sky and you felt a sense of relief that was comparable to how you felt when Frankie had cut you loose from your bindings in the mansion. Both times he had brought you a sense of safety that made your heart stutter against your ribs. Then the beeping came back. The aircraft paused for a brief moment before it dropped into a free fall.

Your ass hit the metal floor hard and your stomach twisted into knots like you were on a roller coaster. Santiago’s arm wrapped around your waist and hauled you up against him as the copter shook and the metal screamed, alarms going off from multiple places on the dashboard. 

“What the fuck are you doing Catfish!?” Will yelled as he gripped the handle above his head and put a hand over the bullet wound on his side. 

Frankie’s voice came through the headset, calmer than he most likely felt. ”One of the gear boxes is blown--I don't want to go into a spin.” You all continued to fall in the air down the side of the mountain and his voice became strained as he gripped the joystick and tried to balance it out. “We might be in trouble here. I'm losing altitude--we should land. We should land now.”

“Crash land here we all die!” Tom yelled, looking at his pilot with wide eyes.

“I'm trying to get her back to flat--”

“Prepare for a hard landing!” Tom barked behind at the rest of you.

Frankie flew back down over the canopy of the jungle, the snow giving way to the lush green of the treetops as he tried to maneuver towards the village that you all had seen during your first initial climb. Benny leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as he gripped the handle closest to him. You could feel your brother’s heart hammering against your back, but on the outside he remained calm for the sake of the rest of his crew. 

“I can't land this with the drop bag under us. We should lose the money and maybe we don't die.” Frankie turned and looked at Tom. The man glared at him but remained quiet. The fact that now, looking certain death in the eyes, Tom decided to shut his mouth, pissed you off. And apparently, it did Frankie as well because without Tom’s permission he looked over his shoulder and yelled over his mic on his headset. “LOSE THE MONEY OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!”

“Fuck this,” you mumbled as you pulled Santiago’s arm from around you and scrambled to your feet. 

You had been on flights with Frankie enough times that you knew what the external load release looked like. It was the only fucking leaver on the wall, after all. You leaned over Benny and grabbed the red handle and yanked it down. The cargo doors in the floor opened slowly but the canvas net bag full of duffel bags stayed securely attached to the bottom of the helicopter. 

“Frankie! It’s not working!” You called out to him and he glanced back at you again.

“There's a manual override on the cargo hook!” His voice was full of worry as he told you to stop. “Let Benny do it--fuck!”

He cursed, watching as you ignored him and leaned over the open door to find the manual override. The wind from the blades and the altitude whipped your hair against your face and you grabbed onto the rope, feeling for a trigger mechanism of some kind. You cursed as black smoke billowed from the top of the aircraft and obscured your vision. The giant metal release was on the other side of the net and was way out of your reach. 

“Spot me!” You turned and yelled at Benny as he fell to his knees beside you and you ripped off your headset.

Benny nodded and helped you lower yourself through the hatch and onto the rope. He gripped your arm as you extended your leg and landed a firm kick with your booth onto the latch. When the bag fell, the helicopter gave a jolt as the weight shifted and Benny toppled through the hatch with you. You screamed as you heard Pope call your name and you looked up to see that the only thing that connected you to the copter was Benny’s grip. 

“Benny!” Will lunged for his brother and grabbed him by the back of the shirt. The ground was coming closer and closer as Frankie tried to level out the craft and land it in the middle of the field. 

“I can’t hold us both!” Benny yelled back at the blond. “We gotta jump!”

“No!” Pope reached through the hole in the floor but Benny was right. He didn’t give them any time to argue as he let go of the edge of the hatch and the both of you dropped the last twenty or so feet to the ground. 

You hit the ground so hard it knocked the wind from your chest. Bits of dirt flew into your mouth as you gasped and covered your face with your arm. As the helicopter touched down, dirt and debris whipped around in the air and you squinted to try and see through it all. The blade on the tail caught the dirt and the whole craft jerked sideways as huge chunks of metal flew directly toward you and Benny. 

“Get down!” He grabbed you and shoved you back down onto the ground covering you with his body as it continued to spin and jerk. The metal groaned, the blades squealed and all you could think of was if Frankie was still in control of it or if you were all just holding your breath and waiting for it to be over. 

Black smoke and chunks of upturned earth continued to fly long after the craft came to a stop but the blades still slowly continued to turn. Benny moved his body off of yours and helped you stand as you both took off running towards the wreckage. 

“Santi!” You screamed at the top of your lungs.

“Here!” Your brother called back as Will popped the door open and they both started to climb up out of the sideways craft. “We’re fine!”

“Fish!” Benny yelled as he got to the front and your heart stopped. Both Frankie and Tom were not moving as fast as Pope and Will. The glass of the windshield was shattered, but still hanging in the frame and Benny quickly raised his knee and kicked it free in giant sheets.

Tom crawled out onto the grass and coughed, fresh blood coming from an abrasion on his eyebrow. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Help Fish.”

As soon as Tom was out of the way, Benny got down and leaned in, grabbing the other man by the forearms and hauling him out onto the ground. 

“Frankie,” you breathed, running the rest of the way to him. Benny moved to the side as you approached and you threw yours arms around him tightly.

Frankie squeezed you tightly, before leaning back to hold you at arm's length. He dipped his head to look you in the eyes as he gripped your upper arms and shook you slightly. “What you thinking--what the fuck were you thinking?!”

You watched as blood slowly dripped down a fresh, large gash on Frankie’s upper cheek, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. He couldn’t look away from you. His eyes were wild and his chest was heaving and even though his words were harsh, his tone didn’t hold any anger--it held fear. Your eyes burned and your chest felt tight, and the moment he saw it reflected on your face, his resolve crumbled and he pulled you back against his chest.

“You scared the shit out of me, baby,” He confessed as he pressed his lips to the top of your head and shut his eyes tightly. “Fuck.” He shook his head and looked up at the man standing behind you. “Thanks, Ben.”

Benny nodded as he helped Will jump from the door of the helicopter and Pope crawled out behind him, with his rifle clutched in his hand. He started tossing gear down to the ground and they passed around backpacks and guns. Frankie let you go reluctantly as Pope hopped down to the ground and handed him a new bulletproof vest. 

“They’re gettin’ into the fucking net,” Tom cursed and the rest of you looked up to watch as people from the nearby village had flooded the site where the bag had dropped. Sure enough, they were using tools and machetes to rip through the thick ropes of the drop net and get into the duffel bags. 

”What’s the plan here?” Pope said, propping his rifle on his arm and looking around.

“We’re getting that money back over the mountain and to the ocean,” Tom said, fastening his vest and grabbing his own weapon. “Benny, cover us from that treeline there.” He pointed to the right. “Fish, I want you at that vantage point over there.” He pointed to the left and then continued. “That’s cocaine they’re growing, so they could have guns already trained on us from those watchtowers over there.”

“We got working coms?” Will asked and Tom shook his head.

“No, we’ll use hand signals. Pope and I will get out there and look as peaceful as we can--we’ll signal when we think it's secure.” Tom looked to each of them to make sure they understood before nodding once. “Move out.”

As they all started to move in their assigned directions, Frankie moved his rifle to one hand, so he could take yours with his other. “You’re coming with me.” 

You didn’t argue, not wanting to leave his side regardless. You desperately wanted to inspect the cut on his face, but you knew while he was tasked with watching the back of Pope and Tom, Frankie wouldn’t dare think about himself. You could ask, but he wouldn’t let you, so what was the point? He moved you both up the hill and squatted low into the tall grasses of the field, pressing his right eye to his scope for a minute to make sure he had a shot lined up if he needed it. 

As you both watched the retreating forms of Tom and Pope walk towards the farmers, Frankie glanced at you. “Are you hurt?”

“Scratches mainly,” you shook your head and looked down at your palms and arms. “That’s it. You’re bleeding, though.” You nodded towards his face.

“I’m fine,” he said stubbornly, like you knew he would. “Don’t do anything like that again.” His voice was flat and you fought the urge to snap back at him. The adrenaline had been high for you both, the last thing you needed was to fight with the man you currently needed most. 

“We both are going to do what it takes to get home--”

“You don’t have to prove to anyone that you’re a badass--”

“Don’t pull that macho bullshit with me--”

The two of you glared at one another and then his face broke into a small grin. He rolled his eyes and mumbled something about you being stubborn before looking back through his scope. You knew he was just worried. Was it reckless to do what you did on the drop net? Absolutely. But this entire trip had been nothing but the five of them risking their lives for you, and you were tired. Tired of being the reason that everyone you cared about in this fucking jungle was in constant danger. So, when Frankie told you to be smart, it was because he just wanted you home. He just wanted you safe. 

You stayed quiet as you both watched the scene unfold in the field below. Both Tom and Pope were talking with their hands, gesturing, and speaking quickly. Hearing what was being said wasn’t necessary, their body language was more than enough, this talk wasn’t going in their favor. 

“Pope, what's he reaching for? Is that a weapon?” Frankie spoke with his gun against his shoulder as he used the hand that wasn’t on the trigger to press the button on his radio.

No response.

“Pope, do you cop-”

“Frankie,” you touched his shoulder as you remembered the coms were dead from the crash.

Frankie leaned back and glanced at you before looking to his radio and cursing quietly. Pope had his arms out in a defensive position, speaking quickly over Tom who had his hand on his gun. This was bad. This was very bad. Frankie adjusted his grip on the rifle and his body went still. Tom pulled his gun and it was as if everything before you happened in slow motion. 

The villagers yelled and Tom used his handgun to fire into the chest of the one nearest to him. Then again and again. Blood blossomed to life through their clothing and they dropped to the ground. The second one of them took another step forward, Frankie pulled the trigger, doing what he was trained to do--protect those on your squad. 

His rifle echoed and ricocheted back on his shoulder and the man who had stepped towards Pope dropped just like the three before him. You watched as the other men gave the order for the villagers to get back and the screaming continued. Benny ran down the mountain and Frankie stood but you didn’t move. You were frozen in place as you saw Tom raise his gun at the unarmed man, now struggling to breathe, on the ground. You may not have liked him to begin with, but now you knew--Tom was going to get all of you killed. 

--

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[seravph]

Hi, I didn't really know who to reach out for this question, but do you have any tips on how to find your own unique fashion style? I'm not really looking to hop on popular clothing trends on social media e.g. eboy/girl or cottagecore, so I'm not exactly sure where to start! I come to consult you because I've seen some of your posts and you look very well versed in fashion and you seem to know your own personal style. My wardrobe is very outdated and I would like to update it to reflect the truest expression of myself. Thank you 😊 You don't have to answer this if you don't feel like doing so btw 😅

EEEE more fashion asks i love these thank you!!!! warning this got a lil (very) long so its under the cut :^)

so first and foremost the most important part about curating your own style is to learn more about your body and what flatters/doesnt flatter it. it's learning some basic fashion 'rules' pertaining to proportions, cuts, etc. there are plenty of resources on this if you dont know where to start (kibbe body test, video, video) but keep in mind this step has nothing to do with your weight!!!! i could talk wayyy more about this but at the end of the day, some clothing is just more flattering for specific body shapes - that doesnt mean you cant wear something that isnt perfectly flattering, but knowing your body and knowing what flatters it will make you understand your own style and help guide the pieces you buy. fashion 'rules' arent necessarily meant to be followed, but just understood so that 'breaking' them is a conscious choice. (it also really helped with my insecurities???? like this step is basically recognizing that its not your body thats unflattering, its the clothing, if that makes sense???)

also remember that every 'style' works for every body type. i.e if you want to be a 60s vibe but youre too curvy for shift dresses, there are plenty of clothes in a similar style that would look great on you <3 basically, if you dont like the way a piece looks on you, you can still achieve the same vibe with a different article of clothing thats more flattering. but also umm.... you can just wear the unflattering thing if you want LOL if it makes you happy... then it becomes your own controlled decision <3 live love laugh follow your heart

okay. now that you have that out of the way. there are a million ways to develop a sense of style, and no particular order in which i recommend them. what i love doing is creating pinterest boards for the spring/summer or fall/winter seasons and just filling them with pieces i would wear in a perfect world. i dont mean like cottagecore aesthetic boards, just boards full of runway looks and clothing pngs that i like. i also love making little outfits for characters which can influence my own style. everyone thinks of their style differently; i think of my own outfits as little vignettes with narratives behind them, but other people are more concerned with just wearing things they think are pretty, other people view it as an expression of art or their identity, and other people just want to feel comfortable!!! its all up to you and what youre drawn to!!

one thing that tan france mentioned once was to go online window shopping by going onto the website for a brand you like (regardless of whether its affordable or realistic!) and just adding things to your cart that youre interested in. dont worry about how expensive they are or anything, and when youre done, remove all the items you like the least. and then keep reviewing and removing until you have just a handful of really nice items you really like, and keep doing this with other brands until you can identify common threads between the pieces you like. you dont have to buy them!! in fact maybe its better if you dont!!! and the websites dont have to be like zara or h&m ... go on balmain or chanel if you want, play pretend and have fun!!

re: the last bullet point, i think a big turn off for people in terms of fashion is the idea that you need to wear something palatable and 'appropriate.' its like looking at a runway and thinking "its nice, but i would never wear that in real life." but honestly????? in a perfect world i would be wearing full gowns to the supermarket!!!! if your ideal style is imaginative but unattainable, your style in practice will be a microcosm of it. basically... dream big... dont be afraid to 'overdress' if its what you like!! one of the best pieces of advice i ever got was from my aunt, who offered to by me a plastic tiara. i asked her when i was ever going to wear it irl, and she just looked at me and said "??? you can wear it whenever you want to!!" so true!!! wear a tutu to mcdonalds. wear a bedazzled tux to prom. who cares

accessories, nail polish, hair, jewelry, perfume and makeup goes a long way in developing style. i dont wear a ton of makeup, but just putting some color on my cheeks achieves a kind of sunkissed lovestruck vibe that i strive for. i paint my nails red because i think its chic or bright colors so they contrast with a toned down outfit. even wearing no accessories is an accessory in itself. accessorizing (or specifically not accessorizing) is like adding texture to an outfit imo

anything that advises you about 'absolutely necessary essentials everyone needs' is entirely wrong. there is no one size fits all; i.e everyone says you need one good pair of denim jeans, but i havent worn jeans in two years!!! an essential for ME is a pair of neutral wool shorts, but an essential for another person could be a thick knit sweater or for another person, a flannel. the idea that everyone needs a 'little black dress' or a 'basic white t shirt' is preposterous. YOUR essentials depend entirely on YOUR style. a pair of denim jeans is useless if you hate wearing jeans!!!!

as for my personal style, im mostly influenced by movies, books, songs, characters, feelings, colors, high fashion, and costumes. ultimately, you should worry less about what you want to be and worry more about what you already like. every piece i have kind of plays into some narrative ive constructed, or otherwise theyre all special to me :) if you want to update your wardrobe, dont feel the need to over consume fast fashion (or any fashion for that matter) to do so. if you take it slow and buy pieces you really love, every item will have a story and you'll begin to develop a more stable internal style and they'll last longer :)

let me know if you have questions or want me to talk more about any of this because i really love answering these kinds of questions!!!!!! especially the body type thing because thats such an important but long winded thing i couldnt really fit it all LOL

some more videos + resources about style and fashion i think are interesting:

deep dive into kibbe body types

pinterest aesthetics, fatphobia, and white washing

lies about clothes to unlearn in your twenties

studio ghibli: how clothing shapes identity

breakfast at tiffanys style analysis: the reinvention of onself with fashion

will the millennial aesthetic ever end?

go viral, post #spon, get canceled: how social media transformed fashion in the 2010s

analyzing the "is it a cute outfit or is she just skinny?" meme

[jarofstyles]

Dirty Business IV- Macchiato

A/N: This is all we have from these two for now :( but please do let us know if you’d like more!! Thank you so much for reading!

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: hints of angst, references to trauma 

word count: 14k

Paris was spectacular. 

It was truly a trip Y/N would never forget. She had Harry had a week worth of incredible sex, delicious dinners, and of course, romance. They’d gotten to know each other quite well, on a deeper level too. Business wise, things went incredibly smooth and Harry had saved the company way more with his deals. Y/N’s father couldn’t stop singing his praises. Y/N has already felt herself healing, showing more of herself around him and to her surprise he was reacting well. Harry really was a good guy, really was committed to her and that was something she was still trying to get through her head. 

When they landed back in New York they didn’t want to separate just yet, so she had the car drop her off at hers so she could put some of her things away before she hopped back in the car to go back to Harry’s. She was very excited to be back, of course, the mugginess wasn’t exactly welcomed. 

“I’m so excited to meet Oliver!” Y/N really had been waiting to meet him the entire trip. “Your friend, Niall, is he there? Or does he just come to feed him?” She asked, feeling like she needed to prepare if she was going to meet his friends. Y/N wanted to make a good impression.

“Yeah, he came to feed Oliver but he went home. You can meet my friends soon, if you want. We go to the bars sometimes on fridays and you can come with me.” Now that they were a thing— a real thing— he was going to have to integrate her into more of his things. More of his lifestyle. He was curious as to what she would like about it and what she wouldn’t. It was fairly obvious she had grown up in the rich world and hadn’t been in the middle class let alone broke territory. That’s what Harry was used to. No matter how big or rich he got, he wouldn’t forget that. Or fast food or primark jeans and tee shirts. “C’mon then.” He was a bit worried about her seeing his place but... she wasn’t judgey, he didn’t think. The girl was a diva but didn’t seem to value people less because of their monetary value.

Y/N thanked the driver again as they got out of the car, helping Harry with his bags before making her way towards the apartment. A brownstone. How cute. Of course, he probably wasn’t renting the whole thing, maybe just a floor. When they walked up the steps she smiled, happy he was on the second floor. Higher ceilings meant more space. Had a balcony too. Once they stepped inside she was greeted by the smell of something woodsy... hints of cinnamon and vanilla. It was very Harry. Of course. He turned the lights on and Y/N smiled to see that it was a lot like she had expected. Brick interior, lots of books and vintage looking things. 

“Baby, this is so cute.” She cooed, immediately feeling like she’d be coming over a lot. It had a homey feel that she wasn’t used to. His place looked very lived in which was nice. Y/N was constantly living in homes where not a single thing was meant to be out of place, looked like a damn museum. Her house was a little messy, but still. It wasn’t cozy like his.

“There’s my boy!” Harry smiled when he heard the patter of little kitten feet and a few mews coming from the hall. The orange kitten appeared and went straight for his dad, climbing up the leg of his jeans before Harry grabbed him. “There you are. I’ve missed you.” He kissed all over his little face as frantic putts left the tiny thing. He was so happy! This was a joyous occasion. “Want to say hi to Y/N? Yeah?” He asked, gently placing the kitten into her hands. The kitten was purring and let out a little chirp in interest as it sniffed her skin, little tongue peeking out to lick it. He felt his heart melt as he watched her kick off her shoes and hold the little kitten he loved so much, cooing softly at him.

Y/N was all soft and melty at the sight of Harry and his kitten, he certainly had missed him and Y/N understood. She would miss Harry too. Hearing the kitten let out such excited mewls made her heart happy, clearly excited to be back with his owner. Of course, Y/N was more than happy to give them their time. 

“Oh hello!” Y/N cooed, gently taking off her shoes so she could properly give the kitten attention. “Aren’t you the cutest little thing?” She pet over his tiny little head, scratching at his ears and smiling when he closed his eyes and purred for her. “Sorry I kept your daddy away from you, promise, it won’t happen again for a while.” She told the kitten and held him close to her chest, pressing a kiss to his little nose. She looked up at Harry with an excited gleam in her eyes, walking over so that he could show her around and give her the tour. He had quite a lot of space, more than she expected at least. Yes, everything was sort of cramped up into an open plan with few walls but it worked. She liked it a lot.

“We've got the kitchen, just off of here.” He pointed. It was an older one, definitely dated but it fit the feeling of the space. He had added a microwave but everything else came with the apartment. “The living space. The couch is kinda ugly but.. fucking comfortable. It was my first splurge here.” He pointed to the worn leather sectional with ottoman, made to look vintage but so comfortable. “Then we have my bedroom over here.” He had her following him as he turned on lights and Oliver purred in her arms. There was one cat tree in the living area and one in his room near the large windows. His bed was lower set but covered in a soft faux down comforter and lots of pillows because he liked comfort. There was a shelf with books and then his closet. “I have a tiny office but it’s a mess. It’s my desk and shelves.” He opened the door for her to see. It was messy with papers on the desk but he was over exaggerating with it. It was fine.

“A mess? Please baby, that’s normal.” She knew her father definitely had a much messier desk in her childhood home, wasn’t so sure about now but yeah. Y/N took a seat on the bed, smiling at how soft and comfortable it was. The only problem is that he probably slept in it with Caroline. “It’s really nice, baby. I like it a lot.” She said with a smile, placing Oliver in her lap in which he circled around a few times before curling up in her lap closer to her tummy. He most likely liked how warm she was. Y/N was melting though, looking up at Harry with glossy eyes because the kitten was so damn cute. “How could you even leave him? Oh my goodness... I would have had such a hard time.” Y/N pouted, noticing he was starting to unpack his stuff. It made sense though, he probably just wanted to get everything out of the way and change into something comfy.

Harry stopped unpacking when he turned round to look at her. She was sitting on his bed, with his kitten on her lap. It looked like she belonged. Like the girl was meant to be there with him. He wanted this forever. His smile was soft as he walked to her, leaning down to kiss her gently before going back to unpacking. He didn’t say why he kissed her and he could feel her confusion but acceptance of it as he took out a large sweater for her. It was a bit chilly in the apartment because the air con was actually good. He needed to turn it down. 

Y/N didn’t expect him to come over and kiss her like that, but it definitely did feel nice. Felt like she was very welcome here, like this was her safe space and that here she could do whatever she wanted. That she could be relaxed and herself and no one would judge. Harry would always make her feel overwhelmingly appreciated. She loved that about him. 

“Here. Put this on for now, the air conditioning is strong right now. Gonna go turn it down.” He left her in his room as he went to the hall to turn the thermostat down. He could hear her apologizing to Oliver as she must be changing.

“Sorry, angel. I know.. one second. Promise it’ll be even more cozy.” Y/N spoke, changing out of her outfit. It was always so nice just to dress down. The sweater was big on her but it was perfect that way. She reached in her bag and found a scrunchie, pulling her hair up into a messy bun and sitting back down comfortably on the bed with Oliver in her bare lap now. She was leaning with her back against the wall, a pillow behind her as she gently let the kitty who was enjoying her thighs. He pushed his paws against them, stretching his fingers out. He was precious. Is this how normal people lived? We’re these the pleasures of everyday life?

Harry came back in with a smile, seeing her leaning back on the bed. He took the television remote and threw it next to her as he began to unbutton the shirt he had been wearing. 

“Choose something’ to watch, baby.” He murmured, opening the closet to grab a soft tee shirt and sweats. He needed some comfort and Y/N and a good pair of sweats could easily be it. “Gonna grab us some waters and then I’ll be back.” He got up in the middle of the night for water so he always kept bottles in the fridge. Getting them, he walked back towards the room. It was only when he sat again did he realize— he was fucking starving. 

“Shit. I could really go for some dominos. You in?”

Y/N took over the remote, going on to Netflix and finding something that she felt like they both would be into. A nice feel good movie or something. She needed help choosing though so she decided she’d let him pick from her options once he sat back down. Her brows furrowed when he mentioned dominos. 

“What?” She asked, turning her head to look at him. He looked shocked at her answer. “What is that?— don’t give me that look baby...” Y/N whined hating that she had no idea what he was talking about. She was always embarrassed whenever something like this was brought up because if she didn’t grow up the way she did she’d know what that was. The rest of the world knew. 

“Hold on— we are getting dominos. S’pizza, baby. Can’t believe you’ve never had it!” He muttered in surprise, checking his phone and opening the app. Of course he had the money to get better stuff but it was comforting. “And we’re gonna get... 2 pizzas, Parmesan breadsticks and the cinnamon breadsticks.” He said decidedly. Yes. Absolutely. It sounded so good. “Christ, feels like the munchies. Haven’t smoked in a bit but even still.” He laughed, rolling on his side to hug her after he ordered. 

“Oh— okay, yeah.” She chuckled and felt a blush creep on her cheeks. “My mom never let me eat fast food as a kid and I never had cause I wouldn’t know what to get.” She explained shyly, “Do you wanna watch a Disney movie, a Rom com, or just comedy?” She asked curiously, feeling like she was in the mood for all three. Y/N knew sometimes when she was comfortable she could act like a child, Harry very much knew that after spending a whole week with her, but now being in a home environment it was different.

“Mm. Hate to break it to you, baby bun. But you’ll be having lots of fast food and will know what you like. S’a guilty pleasures, especially after smoking or drinking. Don’t tell your dad about the smoking though.” He requested though knew she wouldn’t. Y/N had missed out on a lot because of her parents. She hadn’t told him that explicitly but it wasn’t hard to miss that she was probably not having the most welcome upbringing. He could see in her eyes that she resented her mother especially whenever it came up. “Hm. I think... Disney, maybe? Proper cuddle material while we wait.” He wasn’t too picky and he was more so in the mood to bury his face in her tits and relax. Then eat. Yeah, he could go for some food. The airplane had snacks but no full meals because Y/N said it wasn’t worth it unless they brought it on at the airport. Besides, he was a lot more relaxed at home and that much was obvious.

“I won’t tell him if you won’t.” Y/N chuckled, knowing she had her own set of drug problems. As every fashion person did, she smoked cigarettes on occasion and did her fair share of cocaine as well. It wasn’t her proudest point, but everyone had to let loose somehow. It was just unfortunate she hadn’t found Harry sooner, maybe she would have a reason to not be so dependent on substance. That was all on her though. 

“Wanna cuddle, but Oliver looks so cozy.” She pouted, seeing the kitten all balled up and cozy in her lap. Y/N sighed and picked him up, pulling Harry to koala on to her the way she usually did with him and placed Oliver at her shoulder so he could nuzzle himself there. This was nice. Perfectly cuddled up and surrounded with warmth, between Harry and Oliver, Y/N felt properly complete. Nothing could touch her or hurt her here. None of her parents expectations, none of the social pressures, just warmth and comfort and love. Y/N placed a kiss on top of Harry’s head, hands combing through his hair the way he liked. It seemed to relax him well.

“Have I ever told you that I love your tummy?” Harry asked, his hand had gone under the sweater and ran his hand over it. “Really. S’cute. Wanna leave love bites all over it. Haven’t cum on it yet but I’d like to at some point. S’just great.”

Feeling Harry’s hand on her tummy made Y/N feel rather vulnerable. It wasn’t something that she heard often, or ever for that matter. She often hated that she had meat on her bones because she could never really be a model or anything like that. Other times it made her happy because she knew lots of men went wild for her curves. But to compliment her tummy? That was a first. 

“No...” She murmured shyly, feeling her cheeks get all red and her eyes tearing up a little because it just hit home. It hit really hard. Y/N pressed a long kiss to his head, whispering a thank you against his hair. It was something that she never thought she’d hear, having it heard it from her mother nearly everyday of her life growing up.

“Yeah, baby. Love it a lot.” He leaned his head up to kiss her before he slid down and lifted the sweater up to kiss on it. Tender kisses all over the incredibly soft skin, he hummed happily as she played with his hair. Normally when he was between her thighs he was at her cunt but right now he was having fun just kissing from under her breasts to her waistband of her panties. “S’so pretty. All mine.” He sucked gently on the middle of it, watching her face. Oliver has abandoned ship to go lay in his basket, and she has the ability to readjust herself now. “Soft and smooth and all mine.” He repeated. He liked knowing she was his but he also had a feeling she liked being claimed. His kisses moved from her tummy to her thighs, kissing up her legs until he got to her ankles. “The prettiest legs... sexiest feet too.” He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he really did like her feet. Kissing the bottom of her heel, the sole, then the arch.

Y/N was enjoying him properly kissing at her. She liked feeling all loved up on, especially by Harry. He was very good at making her feel appreciated and beautiful, it’s like he worshiped her but that’s the way that she liked it. To have control over him in some way even if he had control in every other way. It was the feet comment that surprised her. She always had small feet, made her rather clumsy, but they were always pedicured and smooth. Most women that wore heels all the time didn’t have the most attractive feet, but Y/N certainly took care of hers. She hadn’t realized how sensitive they were either until he started kissing on them. She squealed a little, feeling ticklish at the arch, his stubble pricking at the soft skin. It was the little things like this that made her realize he really was into her. Harry clearly appreciated a woman’s body, wanted to give her his all. She’d happily take it too.

“Mm. I like them quite a bit.” He smirked, kissing each of her toes. She was squirmy but he didn’t stop until each one had been kissed. It was fun to worship her and show her exactly what she was. Perfect. “I really enjoy touching you all over. Your thighs, your stomach, tits... all of you is so beautiful. Y/N. I feel like no one has properly told you just how stunning you are.” He frowned, looking over her body. “But that’s what I’m here for. Wanna hear a kink of mine?” He hadn’t admitted this to her before but she looked incredibly intrigued. “Mm, there are two. First are your feet. Never had a thing for feet before but yours are gorgeous. Gonna get you a toe ring or something. Love seeing them in heels. Sexy as fuck.” He kissed the side of her foot before letting it down, moving back to lay between her thighs with his hands back on her stomach. “Second one is a bit more taboo. Obviously.. can’t happen now. But I love the idea of gettin’ you pregnant. Watching your tummy grow. Being full of me. Cumming in you so it catches and you’re all mine, fully.” He nipped Above her belly button. “If you ever need me to cum, that’s the type of talk that’ll get me going quick. My Achilles heel, if you will.” He realized he needed to be open with her and tell her more so she would in turn open to him. “Didn’t know I had these kinks until you. Must be Y/N exclusive.”

“Never had a guy who likes feet before...” Y/N was a bit surprised at his admission, but she figured that it was his way of opening up and letting her in. If they were going to be having sex often it would be important to know what he liked. Y/N smiled at him, “can pick what color I get my nails done then, yeah?” She decided she’d be texting him every time or asking him the day before just so she knew what he wanted. “Wanna get me pregnant one day?” She asked curiously, deciding it would be an interesting topic to discuss. Y/N would of course happily have his child, especially if he would be the owner of the company. It was strange because she knew they just started dating, but he basically signed himself into having her hand in marriage. If he wanted the job he couldn’t leave her in a way. “I’ve got a thing for hands... and I really like your hands.” Y/N said and bit her lip softly, “and you know I do like when people are watching or can hear.” Their little escapade with Caroline on the phone proved that. “But a little more taboo though, I do really like being tied up... I struggle a little but it’s part of the act. Like being slapped and spanked too but...”

“Yeah? Wow... that’s hot.” He admitted bluntly. “Like to be slapped? Gotta work up to that. Your face is so precious..” he caresses it from his spot at her stomach. He would if she wanted it through. “Tied up.. that's especially hot. A struggle. Could be fun for role play.” He wondered just how kinky his girl could get with him. He would have to explore more of her. They had 2 days until he had to return to work and he was curious if she wanted to spend it with him. “Now spanking... we have tried and I love it. But I like that you like my hands. They’re on you whenever I have the chance.” Now that it was clear his job wasn’t on the line for daring her, he wasn’t as nervous. Granted he didn’t want to flaunt it too much but, Y/N was worth the ridicule he would face. “But yeah. Wanna get you pregnant for sure. Pretend until then. It’s just sexy to me.”

She was all warm and fuzzy at the thought of him agreeing with her, thinking it was hot. Her sweet sweet boy. Y/N turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand.

“Roleplay huh?” She raised her brow, “feel like that could be fun.” Y/N was excited at that thought because they could fulfill any fantasy they had. “Could pretend you’re trying to get me pregnant if you want, don’t mind that.” Y/N was on the pill and if it didn’t work and she actually ended up pregnant it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. What she was more excited about, was exploring this concept of roleplay a bit more. “What ideas did you have roleplay wise?” She asked curiously, “kinda already had a few fantasies come to life.... bosses daughter, having a mistress...” Y/N teased with a small smirk. “Could have all sorts of fun, hmm?”

“All sorts of fun. I like the idea of you stealing me away. Like you did in a sense... dunno. It’s so hot to me. Maybe be a little maid, know that my wife isn’t giving me what I want so you show me what I need. Or a teacher one. You being a terror of a student who needs a bit of punishment. The opportunities are endless.” They could do so much. “What are you thinking, baby? What gets you all wet?” He was curious to know what she would really get off on when it came to scenarios.

Y/N listened and hummed at the thought of all these scenarios. She was getting all excited, excited to try things out and see where they went. “I like those... a lot.” She hummed, her mind specifically liking the one where she’s tied up. 

“Just really like the idea of you taking complete control.. anything like that gets me going.” It might be her escapist complex, but anything where she didn’t have to be herself was already a win for her. “Wonder just how taboo you are with it though...” Y/N wouldn’t judge because she was rather kinky, but she didn’t want to say something that would freak him out. “You know all those classic porn set ups... the step sibling ones, can pretend we hate each other, pretend we’re cheating... love the idea of like.. animalistic sex. Maybe a police officer? All kinds.. think you’d just be hot doing anything to be honest.”

“Trust me.. I’m in for anything.” His eyes darkened at the scenarios. Nothing would scare him away from her. Nothing at all. He couldn’t be swayed. Not when potentially best found his soul mate in this woman. “Fuck.. all of those. Step sibling, cheating.... you want me to lose it hm? Want me to get all primal with you.” He could see a pattern in her. She liked doing what she wasn’t supposed to, and doing it as taboo as she could. He loved that. “Don’t have to worry about how taboo you are with me, baby. Nothing can scare me away. I want it dirty and kinky and wrong.” He licked his lips. “Made love to you the first night and it was amazing but... sex with us could be so much fun. I’d love to do all of those.” He wanted that badly. To have adventurous sex. “Like doing it where people can hear or know we’re fucking too. May have to take you to one of those fancy stores and have you in their dressing rooms.”

That last suggestion hit differently, that being something quite realistic for Y/N. Of course she knew that since she was a loyal customer they’d never tell her she couldn’t come back, but it would definitely be a place where she would at least have to be a little quiet. 

“Come up here.” Y/N mumbled, wanting him back up with her so that she could properly kiss on him. “Already got me going and we’ve got a pizza to eat...” She whined, cupping at the side of his neck and leaning up to kiss him hungrily. Y/N doubted they’d be able to hold back for long anyway, they’d spent 6 hours on a plane and an hour ride back without doing anything. That was a new record. “Gonna let me live out all my fantasies, hmm? Especially when you’re the CEO... gonna fuck me on your desk.” Y/N mumbled against his lips, “Gonna call you daddy for real too... can’t wait.” She really was so eager to please him especially in knowing that he was just as adventurous as she was. She couldn’t imagine why on earth he denied her for so long if his ex was as vanilla as he described.

“Course. Gonna try out every fantasy we have, I think. S’never gonna get boring with us.” He knew that pretty well. Y/N was exciting and full of new prospects. She was a dream. It was then that he heard the doorbell ring. “Fucks sake. Gotta open the door with this stiffy now.” He sighed, gently peeling himself from her. 

“That’ll be one lucky pizza person.” Y/N chuckled, smirking to herself because she knew she had a sexy ass boyfriend who looked incredibly fuckable right now. Of course, they’d have to eat pizza... and probably brush their teeth after so they didn’t taste like garlic, not that either of them cared but still. 

“Be right back, baby.” He grabbed his wallet with the tip included, opening the door to a younger teenage girl who flushed at the sight of him. His mouth was red from kissing and Harry a mess, and his cock was visibly hard in his sweats. A tiny smirk raised on his face as he took the food and gave her a 50, telling her to keep the change. Which was quite a bit, to be fair. He made his way back into the room, placing the food on the bed. At her shocked look it was apparent she never really ate in bed like this but it was a first timer for everything. “Can’t wait for you to try this. S’better when you’re drunk but I think every food is.” 

“Really?” She eyed him and saw he was getting cups for their soda. This was new for her. It did smell really good. “Okay.. teach me, what should I eat first?” Y/N asked, wondering if there was a way to eat it. Thankfully, he had ordered a basic cheese pizza and then the other had toppings on it. She’d try both. Taking a bite was like heaven. It tasted so fucking good she moaned louder than expected. “Oh my god— how is this food?” She asked with a mouth full. Y/N was practically ready to inhale it. Never did she think it would taste like this.

He grinned proudly to himself. Yes. Finally, he had introduced her to the delicacies in his world. She may have Caviar, but Harry had dominos and McDonald’s at 3 am. A proper little feast.

“Can’t believe you’ve never had it before. Welcome to my world.” He chuckled, obviously teasing her. “S’the world of calories and carbs. I have to work out for sure sometimes but it’s worth it, I think.” He shrugged. Yeah, it was. Y/N wouldn’t need to work out. Secretly he wouldn’t mind if she got a bit thicker. He just loved that. “Mm.” He took a drink of his water as he watched her do a little happy dance at the taste. She was so beautiful. He was lucky. Genuinely so lucky. “You’re cute.” He grinned at her. She stopped and looked at him with full cheeks of pizza and blushed a little bit. He loved it. She was so real at his house. Not that she wasn’t real other times but this felt so much more authentic to what he saw in her.

“It’s so good!” She told him, eyes wide as she continued to eat. Y/N couldn’t tell you the last time she had any carb that wasn’t gourmet. Maybe never. Y/N has pizza but only the really flat veggie packed stuff. Not this bready cheesy goodness. “You’re an angel.” It might seem small to most people, but not to her. Her mother never allowed her to eat stuff that all the other kids were able to eat, even when she went to birthday parties she’d have her eat something else. It was always embarrassing, she felt almost guilty eating a lot of it but she couldn’t stop herself. Y/N blushed, looking at him as if she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to but eventually cracked a smile and giggled a bit. “‘s good I can’t help it..” She mumbled and took another bite, holding the pizza with both of her hands.

He was falling in love with her and he knew it. He could tell by the way his heart beat harder Just looking at her. She sat there and giggled over pizza and was in his sweat and damn, did he want to rail her right now. 

“We can get it whenever you want, baby. Gotta start indulging a little bit.” He wasn’t going to let her hate any bit of her or hold herself back for stupid reasons. She was going to enjoy life with him, damn it. “You’re so lovely.” He gently rubbed her thigh before returning to his own pizza. Still, he watched her. He felt himself falling. And he wasn’t scared of it. Not at all. He was welcoming it. He had a feeling she needed someone to love on her and Harry had a lot of love to give. Especially to her. He wanted to make her feel beautiful and appreciated because he knew it meant a lot to her.

----

Y/N didn’t mean to. 

She didn’t mean to be so clingy but she couldn’t help it. Spending time with Harry felt like walking on air, she had not a single worry when she was with him and it seemed like she could do no wrong. So forgive her for clinging on to such positivity and light, that’s all she ever craved and wanted. 

It started with her coming into his office for just about any reason she could think of, she would stick around until he father or someone else called her to do something. She didn’t even say much when she was in his office, just came to sit down and hang out with him and listen to him handle business. Then, it moved on to her asking if she could come over... little by little she started coming over his house nearly every single day, taking care of Oliver or even helping him with his chores. Yes, that’s right, she even did chores for him. Willingly. She moved on to buying him more gifts. More vintage stuff, new clothes and decor. Little things that she knew he would like, things she knew would make him smile. Be it a movie poster or a vinyl. Anything she could find, she got for him. She loved him, felt like she needed to thank him for everything.

Harry was a bit shocked to say the least. He had assumed that maybe she would be a bit of the type that would want gifts, but Y/N was the opposite. Instead she was the one bringing him things like watches or buying him fucking gucci boots, records or movies and first editions of books be liked. He didn’t really know what to do. He loved that she was thinking of him but didn’t want her to spend money like that. The suggestion not only fell on deaf ears and he woke up to a knock on his door and Y/N with a gourmet breakfast sandwich in hand the following day. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the fact she was around. She was lovely. Y/N made him feel like a king. But he also worried if he was doing enough. If she wanted more. How he could do that. 

It was a huge change from being alone most nights, to Y/N calling at 10 pm with a pout in her voice that she was cold and lonely. He usually ended up with her in his arms half an hour later. The thing that worried him the most was work. His reputation was still important to him and while Y/N was trying— she was also trying to sneak. Nearly every day this week he had seen her and had her come in to bring him a coffee and pout her lips for a kiss, only getting one after the door was closed.

Today, just like every other day, Y/N brought coffee and breakfast for herself, her father and Harry. Her father was of course on board with her buttering Harry up, happy that his favorite employee was dating his daughter. Of course, Harry didn’t realize Y/N had told him that. 

“Hi baby!” She cooed, walking right over to him with her heels clicking against the floor. “Brought you your favorite... and a little treat because it’s the weekend.” Y/N hummed, looking at him with a bright smile. Harry thought that them being together would threaten his reputation, but to be honest, it was making it even better. Her father was even more inclined to give him the promotion, more inclined to give him a bonus, more responsibility, and more paid time off. All because he was making his little girl happy.

“Hi, my angel.” He said lowly, motioning his head to close the door first. He didn’t love hiding their relationship but he also knew that Y/N was quite loud. And the people on this floor were very nosy. As soon as it was closed, he motioned her over so she could sit with him, but instead she found her seat in his lap. Hm. Well, that wasn’t a complaint, really. She felt good. The way she sat on his thighs and brushed her long nails through his hair... well? He couldn’t complain. “You’re being awfully sweet.” He said suspiciously. “What are you avoiding asking?” He knew the way she was when she wanted something. While she was normally sweet? Y/N got this little look. This little giggle to her words and batting of the lashes to soften whatever blow there would be it he wasn’t happy.

Y/N tried not to take it to heart, him choosing to hide their relationship while at work. She tried to remind herself that this was something he wanted and she needed to respect that, Y/N was working on putting some of his needs first. It was something she read on a relationship blog once. After closing the door and letting herself into his lap, she got comfortable, setting the food on the clear space of his desk and humming a little bit as he leaned into her touch. 

“I’m not...” Y/N mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Was just... thinking maybe we could go out for lunch today? And then... maybe you and Oliver could come over to mine for dinner?” She knew it wasn’t really much to ask in her mind, but she just wanted to do something for him because he was constantly doing stuff for her. In his eyes, he wasn’t doing much at all, but to her? He was opening up a whole new world she never got to experience. “Cause we’re always hanging out at yours, and I really like it at yours... I just wanted to show you my place and like... hang out and stuff, but we don’t have to!”

“Oh? That’s all?” He was expecting something else. The nerves she had looking a bit, he had expected something much more extreme. Going to her house wouldn’t be an issue. “Lunch, yeah. That’s fine. Just tell me where to go. We can go to yours tonight, pumpkin. I didn’t want to ask to go cause I was letting you keep privacy is that was something you wanted. But I’m happy to come over. Oliver will love to as well.” He knew the kitten loved Y/N possibly more than him. It was crazy. He was incredibly confused at how Y/N had so quickly managed to sneak herself into every bit of his life but she did. He didn’t mind at all, either. That’s the crazy part. “I'd like to see your stuff. I’m curious to see all the things you’ve got.” She said she collected stuff so he was happy to finally be let into that part of her. Plus, he would have a much larger bed. She had said she had a California king. His was a queen so, it would be a welcome change.

She still had that little voice in her heart saying she asked for too much. Her previous boyfriends didn’t like how clingy she was and she tried to wind it back as much as she could. With Harry she just couldn’t seem to hold back though, she constantly wanted his attention and praise as if one day he’d turn on her. She was slowly learning how to properly trust. 

“Really?” Y/N smiled widely at his agreement and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. She kept it quick because she knew he would scold her, but she giggled and went to kiss his cheek. “Yay!” She genuinely couldn’t wait to have him over. Y/N has lots of space for Oliver to roam around, she had already bought him a little box and some food. Even bought him some toys to play with in preparation. She was thinking of getting herself a kitten too because she liked Oliver so much. “I’m excited... we’re going to have so much fun! I can’t wait!” Y/N was practically bouncing in her seat. “Eat your breakfast, baby.” She cooed to him, nodding at the breakfast that was laid out on the desk. Y/N, in the meantime, pulled out her phone to make a reservation for lunch at Harry’s favorite fancy place.

He watched as she made a reservation. Her mood was significantly higher today, as yesterday he hadn’t been able to have a sleepover with her because he’d gotten back very late and had to go in early. She felt a bit more clingy today in energy but... honestly? He wasn’t angry about it. It was a good type of clingy. A good type of feeling to him. It was a warm and fuzzy type of thing that had him smiling when he realized she always liked to have a hand on him. It made him feel a bit less bad for telling off a dickhead in the break room who had commented on her tits. He hadn’t told her about that though. He had been professional but displeased and told him if he heard something else like that about a guess that he would go to HR. Or her father directly, more like. It was hard not to punch him in the snotty face. “I did miss you last night.” He murmured. “A lot less warm, even though you’re a blanket hog.”

Y/N set her phone down on his desk and moved to push some pieces of hair away from his face as he ate, she was hoping he wasn’t too busy. Not that her dad would mind if he didn’t get something done on time because of her. She had the upper hand that way, father’s guilt and all.

“Hey!” She pouted, “am not!” Y/N scrunched her nose and let out a little sigh. “Just wanna be closer to you, don’t know how the blanket gets there.” She really did wish she could stay clung to him as they slept. He was so warm and comfortable, but tonight they’d be sleeping on her massive bed so there would be plenty of room for them. She had a big big plan for dinner, she was actually going to cook it herself. She had been practicing and it turns out she wasn’t bad at it at all. 

“What’s your favorite food?” Y/N asked curiously, knowing she had asked him before but she wanted to make sure so she could get the stuff to make it tonight.

“Hm. I like loads of things. Love chicken parm, I like tacos. Egg rolls. I dunno, I don’t know if I have one set favorite. I have categories.” He hummed around his food. “Love ginger lemon scones and strawberries on waffles for breakfast. Also that Nutella shit on French toast.” He felt more comfortable around her to speak freely. “And I have my favorites at fast food places. A loaded question.” Harry really did like his food and loved to eat. It was a lot. He knew that much. 

Y/N took notes, thinking about what she could manage to make for them tonight. Chicken parm seemed simple enough, she could definitely cook them up some of that. Some pasta on the side. It would be perfect. The waffles idea sounded great for breakfast and she could manage that too. She had everything. Y/N felt like she was doing something right for once, trying to be a normal girlfriend for him.

“But—“ he wasn’t interrupted by the door slamming open, Y/N’s hand holding his hair as they startled slightly to see a frazzled woman walk in. 

Oh, for fucks sake. Caroline. The woman looked irritated seeing Y/N sat up on his lap, legs bare as her skirt didn’t cover much when she sat. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Y/N looked over and spotted Caroline, her face immediately falling. There goes her good mood. Y/N wasn’t nice when she didn’t get her way. 

“Who the fuck let you in here?” Y/N snapped, getting up immediately and stepping towards her. Someone was getting fired today, that’s for sure. It had been a few weeks since she and Harry got together, almost a month, and this woman was still at it? Harry stood up and stepped behind Y/N, his arm resting on her waist. He didn’t want a fight to truly break out, as hot as it may be in his mind. Y/N was too important to him to get hurt. He didn’t like it at all. 

“I just walked in! I said I was here to see Harry.” She glared at him. “But I see he’s still busy trying to sleep his way to the top with some used heiress cunt.” 

She just walked in? Oh. Someone was definitely getting fired. 

It was shocking because Harry hadn’t ever seen this type of shit from Caroline. It didn’t really make much sense because Y/N had been with him for a while now. 

“You little—“ Y/N was cut off by Harry voice.

“Caroline... absolutely not appropriate. Y/N is wonderful and I won’t stand you speaking to her or about her like that.” He said darkly, pulling her back into his body.

Y/N felt all warm in her stomach. As sweet as it was, Y/N was still angry and fully intended on handling this all by herself. She placed a hand over Harry’s and thumbed over the skin. 

“You wish someone wanted to use your cunt.” Y/N spat, “get the fuck out of here. It’s pathetic, you couldn’t keep him if you tried....” Y/N’s tone was lethal. “Coming ‘round invited to talk to my boyfriend? About what? What can you offer him that I can’t?” She wasn’t going to let her win this, wouldn’t let her leave unless she was walking out with her tail between her legs.

“He’s going to get bored with you! Get the promotion and use your body until your implants and shit pop! And then he’ll be crawling back to me.” Where Caroline got this type of information or how she thought that didn’t make such sense whatsoever. 

Harry was a bit worried about if Y/N would read into it but she was a scrappy little thing, Harry holding her waist and letting her approach slowly. He didn’t want a physical fight. Y/N nearly raised her hand to slap her but Harry held her back, her jaw clenching. 

“Sweetie, you know full well my shit is real! Give it up!” She was seething, trying to avoid calling her names because she didn’t want to make herself seem like she wasn’t classy. “Think he would want you after me? You’re delusional.” She scoffed before continuing. “Harry was going to get the promotion before he even went to Paris! Hell, probably earlier! He’s fucking incredible at what he does and is more the capable of running this company regardless if he’s balls deep inside my cunt!”

Harry placed a kiss at the back of her head which did calm her down some. It reminded her that he was here for her and that nothing this woman could say would change how he felt. Y/N was still defensive, knowing she wanted him back and knowing Harry did have a history with her. She’d be devastated if he did leave her to get back with Caroline.

“I’m not leaving her, or using her for a promotion. I don’t know what’s going through your head right now but it obviously isn’t what is needed.” He muttered, kissing the back of Y/N’s head again. Hoping to keep her calm. “She’s what I want. We broke up. You’ve heard more than enough.” He raised a brow, bringing up that phone call again where she had heard her fucking Harry. “And what a wonderful cunt it is.” He snickered against her hair, but he knew Caroline could hear it when she growled out angrily. 

“This isn’t fucking over! You’ll come back. You will.” Caroline turned from Harry to Y/N, giving her a glare. “Trust me. He’s boring as it is, but he’s mine. Understand that? Leave it be. Go marry a fucking governor or some shit and leave him to me. I’m not giving up.” She seethed before stomping out of the office.

“What the fuck?” Harry asked, leaning against his desk as he tried to catch up on what the fuck just happened. Y/N was angry. He felt that, so he held her hand and pulled her closer to him, bringing her into a hug. “S’okay. Relax. I don’t know what the duck that was about... but we’ll make sure she doesn’t get back up here.”

“I’m going to kill her.” 

Y/N was angry for multiple reasons. One being she stepped into this office without being allowed to, second, she disrespected her, third, she disrespected Harry, and on top of all that, she said he was hers. Absolutely the fuck not. Y/N wrapped her arms around Harry and rested her head on his chest, hands pressed flat against his back. 

“The fucking nerve... I’ll end her.” She might not physically kill her, but she would definitely ruin her life. If she kept acting up Y/N could make her disappear. “How dare she say that about you?” She asked, lifting her head so she was looking up at him. “How dare she...” Y/N mumbled and cupped his cheeks. “You are not boring at all. And I meant what I said... you’re more than capable of ruining the company now if need be.”

“I know. I know that she’s angry and saying stupid things. Don’t play into her. As sexy as it is to see you angry... it isn’t worth any pain.” He explained. He understood that Caroline had riled her up, but she didn’t mean anything to him. “She means nothing to me. Nothing. Not the dirt on my shoe. How could she when I have the sexiest and most brilliant woman?” He smoothed his hands down her sides, stopping at her hips. “Already all sorts of better. Especially where it all counts.” In bed and in the heart. “Seeing you come to my defense is incredibly sexy, don't get me wrong, baby. I just think it isn’t worth the time getting angry. You’re mine, yeah? M’yours? Nothing else matters besides us.” He wanted to be chill and relax.

Y/N knew she shouldn’t play into it, realistically she knew that, but there was a bunch of insecurity that Y/N felt about the situation. She knew Caroline wasn’t right, but it wasn’t like Y/N wasn’t already trying to be as ‘normal’ as she could whenever she could be. She was scared of pushing Harry too far with all her expensive tastes, knowing that once they got back from Paris they sort of just hung out at his and ate take out and honestly... it was amazing. Y/N was happy doing that if it meant she got Harry. It was the first time in her life where material things didn’t matter as shallow as that sounds. 

Did he ever think about what it would be like if he wasn’t dating her? How could he be so quick to say Caroline meant nothing when he dated her for a while and was so reluctant to give into her? Maybe it was just her insecurities talking. 

“Yeah... you’re right... ‘s not worth it.” She mumbled softly, having zoned out a little bit. Y/N would be okay, they’d be okay. It just wasn’t something Y/N wanted to think about this morning. “I’m going to go sort the security out... put her on a list or something, I’ll let you get back to work.” She spoke gently, giving him a small smile before she left the office.

Y/N had let a bit of her anger out at the security guy downstairs for not following orders. She didn’t fire him, knowing he was a nice man who had a family, but she certainly scolded the fuck out of him and the lady at reception that both knew she wasn’t allowed up here. Y/N hated that she couldn’t exactly say Harry was her boyfriend yet either. Another kick to the stomach when she was already feeling down. 

There was a little tiny voice that crept in then. Was Caroline right? Was there a reason that she came back or felt like she needed to come back? Harry has been so adamant about not telling anyone about them being together but was also weary about getting together in the first place. Y/N knew it was stupid, she shouldn’t think that way, she trusted Harry. She swore she was in love with him. But she was still insecure, felt like maybe he was ashamed of her or something. 

She tried to pick herself up before lunch, not wanting him to think there was anything wrong because it wasn’t at all his fault that she was feeling anxious. She was taught to stay quiet about these things, her previous boyfriends hated when she got this way and refused to listen. She didn’t want him to yell or get upset at her for thinking something so stupid. 

When she noticed he was a few minutes late she got a bit nervous and for a second she let that voice slip through and thought maybe he forgot. It startled her a little when he sat down, noticing the soft smile on his face. A wave of relief hit her at that and she returned the smile after a beat, saying a small ‘hi’ and ‘it’s okay’ 

“Sorry I’m a minute late. A bit of traffic downtown with an accident.” He murmured, settling down. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong, babe?” He asked, sewing right through her little smile. “Cause I know you’re upset or thinking about something and I don’t like thinkin’ about you like that. Was worried since you left the office.”

Y/N’s body froze a little when he asked her about what was wrong, knowing full well she wasn’t slick and Harry would see right through it. He always did. She remembered even when they were in Paris he could tell whenever even something small was off about her. 

“I’m okay, I’m just thinking too much...” Y/N didn’t want to have a breakdown in public.

“Yeah?” He reached out and took her hand in his own, squeezing it gently. “If y’want to talk about it we can. Or you can wait and tell me tonight. But you can talk to me.” He didn’t want to push her too hard or too fast because he knew opening up wasn’t an easy feat. But he also wanted her to know that he was there. He wasn’t upset or angry and could see she was upset. “What’s good here?” He loved on because he was going to let her tell him when she was ready. However he wouldn’t let it go. He could give her time but he wanted to know what bothered her. He knew that in relationships, if you didn’t talk shit out it would blow up in your face. Y/N looked saddened when he had taken his hand back so he placed it back on the table so she could hold it. Her smile returned slightly and he felt the warm small hand back in his own as he looked at the menu.

“Can we talk about it later?” She hated how small her voice sounded. Y/N was a sensitive little thing, especially if someone was able to press the right buttons. It was one of her weaknesses, but thankfully she didn’t have many. “They have really good sandwiches... I also really like their poke bowls.” Y/N spoke and decided she would get one of those. It was essentially like eating sushi in a bowl format. She was happy he returned his hand to the table for her to hold, especially because she was feeling a little fragile. She would get better as lunch went on but she just needed to get her mind off of everything. “I told daddy I wasn’t going back to work after lunch, but I’m going to go home and relax a bit... you take your time though, yeah? I gotta go grocery shopping and stuff.” Y/N didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

“Oh, that’s alright. I’ve got some things to finish and I want to get things done. After that I’ll get my things and head over.” He was still concerned about what Y/N was upset over however he knew he only had so much power and he wanted her to trust him and come to him when she was ready. 

Harry ended up with a sandwich and they had a light conversation over lunch about kittens and her place, it was rather nice. Calm. Relaxed. He was happy to be able to do that. All he wanted to do was give her a reason to smile today. He knew that he was often a bit stoic and kept to himself about it but he was hopeful that tonight would be less tense. He kissed her mouth and nose goodbye before leaving, promising her he would be at hers by 7. He wanted to shower first even though it was probably they’d get dirty again, and he needed to get Oliver’s little carrier. He would be excited to see his Y/N.

Y/N had asked her driver to take her to the nearest Whole Foods so she could get the stuff for dinner. She had a list on her phone of stuff she needed to get for the recipe and bought everything she needed. Just in case it turned out crap, she bought a frozen pizza and some ice cream for dessert so that they still had something to eat. Sure it was all still floating around in her head but she was feeling much better now. She knew she just had to talk to Harry about it when he came over and that would clear things up both for him and for her. She would be safe to cry in her own home and he wouldn’t judge her. He never did. 

----

To Y/N’s surprise, the meal turned out pretty good. It smelled amazing and looked delicious, she just needed to keep everything on the heat so that it was warm when Harry got here. She had changed into some comfortable clothes, hoping he would do the same and went to go fill Oliver’s bowl with some food and water.

Harry had changed out of his work clothes and carefully packaged up his bag. It was the weekend so he didn’t have to worry about a suit, but he didn’t know of her plans so he put in a good outfit as well as his normal clothes. Oliver knew something was going on and mewed the whole time, happily getting into his carrier. Harry stopped and got flowers for her on the way, bringing them up to her penthouse. His name was apparently on the list of who to let up and he was buzzed in, given the floor number and sent on his way. This building was fancy as fuck. And big. He was a bit surprised, though he shouldn’t be, turning about and seeing only two doors. Y/N and someone else’s.

Y/N was nervous. She wasn’t sure why, but she was. You’d think inviting your boyfriend to your house wasn’t something you’d be worried about, but Y/N just wanted everything to go well. She didn’t exactly have the best day and hopefully this dinner and a nice chat with him afterwards would make her feel better. Maybe this could alleviate some of her worry. When he arrived at the door Y/N smiled to herself walking over to open it up and instantly feeling a bit of relief. Just knowing he was going to be here for a little while already made her feel better. They were safe and protected. It felt good. 

“Oh— these are for me?” Y/N was surprised, looking at him with the softest and most gentle gaze. He really went out of his way to get her flowers. It meant more than he would know. It wasn’t like he got a florist to make her a bouquet, he personally picked one to bring to her. “Thank you, baby.” Y/N cooed and went in to give him a hug and a kiss, beckoning him inside. “I um... I made dinner.” She said with a blush. Those were words he had never heard before.

“You did?” He was happy. Y/N making him dinner meant way more than anything else would. The fact she had put time and effort into it made his heart all happy and soft. Truly, it was something that had his stomach warm and happy. “That’s so amazing, sweetheart.” He said happily, placing the carrier Oliver was in down so he could open it up. Immediately the kitten mewed and went for Y/N, pawing at her leg until she picked him up. He knew they were both gone for her. 

Y/N nodded her head proudly, letting out a little giggle when he paid her the compliment. It meant so much to her too, to see him appreciate the work and effort she put in. She didn’t do this for anyone. Only him. He was the most important thing in her life and Oliver of course. She giggled when pawed at her leg and picked him up with her free hand that wasn’t holding the flowers. 

“Hi buddy! How are you? My sweet angel?” She asked and kissed his head, “you excited to be at my house? I got lots of stuff for you to check out! Lots of places to explore.” Y/N cooed and led the pair into the kitchen. She set Oliver down for the moment on the floor so she could put the flowers in a vase with water before looking back over at Harry. 

“Your place.. wow.” It was huge. Very big and kind of.. empty. But beautiful. It was modern style and it was nice. Definitely a lot less vintage and honey than he would prefer however, he was happy right now. Just being with her at home. “Smells really good, baby. I’m so hungry.”

“Do you like it?” She asked shyly, wondering how he felt about her place. “I—I know it’s really empty and stuff but, I don’t really know how to make it feel more occupied when I’m the only one here...” Y/N explained, hating how it wasn’t nearly lived in enough. Maybe if he came over more it wouldn’t feel as weird. “It’s chicken parm and penne pasta. It’s almost done! The chicken is done just have to finish tossing the pasta in the sauce and then we can sit down and eat.” Y/N was excited. It tasted good, she made sure she tried it before so that she knew she wasn’t serving shit to her boyfriend.

“Wow... that’s amazing, baby. Made it just for me?” He was ecstatic. She had asked him early to make his favorite? He felt himself melt and brought her into his arms, kissing over her forehead a few times before he moved her out of the way to help get some glasses. “I like it. It’s very roomy and has a ton of potential. I would be a bit lonely with so much space, but I think for multiple people it would be a dream.” If he had a place like this, he would add lots of warm things. Plants and his record player, a comfy rug and couch, art. Stuff to make it at home. “What would you like to drink?” He asked, opening her fridge. She had some juice, sparkling water, wine coolers. It made him laugh a little at the last one. And he saw a pack of beers, she no doubt got for him.

“Just for you... you’re my favorite...” She blushed as she watched him get some glasses. She went to go put the pasta in the sauce and looked over at him, “um... wine? There should be a few bottles in there. You choose..” Y/N was definitely not short of options. Her fridge was massive though, definitely fit for a family but it was just her for now. So she used it for drinks. 

Y/N hoped that maybe one day, the two of them could live here together. Have their own family with kids and kittens and just everything that she ever dreamed of. “I do get a bit lonely, ‘s why I’m always at yours... but you’re welcome to come stay here whenever you want! Both of you, you’re always welcome.” 

It tickled Harry more than it should have when she confirmed he was her favorite. It felt good to know that he was. She was his favorite too. 

“Lonely? You can always come to mine. Or we can come to yours. I always figured you wanted to keep this place private, so I never really bothered you about it.” He explained, but now that he knew? He would be likely to come over often? If that’s what she would like. He chose some white wine which would go well with the chicken, placing the glasses down at the sleek looking dining table. It was then that he leaned against the kitchen island and raised a brow at her. Her little apron was adorable and he wanted to squish her so badly. Also see her in nothing but that. “I gotta say... m’sad.” He sighed. “I didn’t get a proper kiss from you.”

Y/N had finished plating everything, covering the left overs with lids before walking them over to the table. She looked up at him when he said that he was sad, tilting her head to the side with a frown. 

“Oh! I’m sorry baby, I just got really excited and I didn’t want the food to burn!” She pouted and ran over to him to wrap her arms around him again so they could have a proper kiss. She leaned forward and attached their lips, giving him a sweet and solid kiss. Y/N couldn’t quite explain it, but she was putting all her love into this kiss and it wasn’t meant to be intense. It was just meant to show him how much she cared. How much she well... loved him.

Harry was a little shocked by the kiss. There was... something behind it. It felt warm. His hands holding her waist tightened and he hummed happily into it, head leaned down to take her mouth the way she wanted it to be taken. He pulled back with a smile, cupping her cheeks before pecking her mouth a few more times. “There’s my girl. That’s what m’talkin’ about.” He loved those kisses. Was truly starting to fall for her too. “I missed you.” He said again. Last night had felt weird alone. It had only been about 4 total nights he had been alone and they were starting to feel more and more odd. He liked being around her and didn’t want that to stop or end any time soon. Ever.

Y/N smiled back at him and moved to nuzzle her face into his neck for a hug. Sometimes you just needed a hug and his little ‘I missed you’ only made her squeeze him a bit tighter. 

“Missed you too.” She mumbled against his skin and pulled away again to look at him. “Let’s eat, yeah? Don’t want it to get cold.” She herself was surprised at how good the meal was. Maybe she was trying extra hard because she knew Harry was going to eat it, but regardless it turned out great. It redeemed her hope in being the girlfriend Harry deserved. She didn’t just want to be some prissy rich girl, though she could never stop being the prissy rich girl. 

Oliver has found his things which made her happy, he seemed to really like the little cat tree she got for him, as well as the Gucci cat toy. What? Oliver deserves some nice things too.

“You did not get him a fucking gucci cat toy?” Harry scoffed, a laugh erupting from him as he watched the kitty carry it over and plop down next to the table with it. Y/N merely shrugged. “Christ. You’re somethin’ else. You know that?” His smile was enough to prove he wasn’t angry but amused. Y/N was a giver and he knew that but a cat toy? Like that? Probably at the least $100? It was amusing. 

“What?” Y/N shrugged, looking over at Oliver and smiling at how he seemed to like it. “He’s got expensive taste. He’s lucky he’s got a mommy like me, hmm?” She spoke down to Oliver and realized she had taken claim in the cat. She looked up at him with a questioning look, as if to ask if it was okay. Y/N also knew he would bring up what happened earlier after dinner. She wasn’t really ready to talk about it, but she had to let him know what was going on in her mind. Only he could give her the real clarity that she needed anyway

Harry didn’t mind. She basically was his mommy anyways. She cared for him and bought him things, gave her all the loving she could and was sweet to him. What else could a cat want. Plus... he kind of liked that idea. It was a little scary— don’t get him wrong. But, he didn’t want her to go away. Ever. 

The whole dinner was amazing. However, he was still worried about the girl and what had upset her beforehand. He was hoping Caroline hadn't gotten under her skin but he had a feeling that perhaps it was, and that made him annoyed. Not at her— but the fact that she had been so stupid to come to his office after he blocked her number and obviously had moved on? The food had been really good, especially because he knew she didn’t cook much at all. He had done it for him and it meant a lot to him. 

“Thank you. It means a lot that you’d cook for me.” Harry smiled, bringing his plate towards the sink so he could rinse it off.

“You’re very welcome... I’d do just about anything for you, you know?” Y/N spoke sweetly, coming up behind him and kissing his back before allowing him to rinse off her plate as well. Y/N took this time to put all the leftovers into Tupperware, deciding that they could eat it again for lunch tomorrow and then maybe get some take away for dinner. 

When Y/N finished she helped him dry off the clean dishes and put them away, pressing a kiss to his cheek as a thank you before she took his hand and led him upstairs to her bed room. Oliver would follow them if he wanted, she also had stuff for him upstairs. The view from her bedroom was incredible, much like his office, the entirety of the wall was glass and it looked beautifully over the city. The night sky was clear and everything just seemed to be perfect in this moment. Y/N walked over to her closet and set his bag down in there, already having made a little section for him to have if he wanted. She came out dressed in just one of his tee shirts and climbed into bed, letting him take his time with the view.

Harry has caught her crawling into bed, his eyes following her body. God, he adored this woman. So much. She was incredible and sweet and he was feeling all sorts of wound up but he knew he needed to get what was in her mind, out. He stripped down to his briefs, like he always did and crawled into bed next to her. She immediately found purchase curled up against him when he decided to bring it up while he played with her hair. 

“Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” It was a simple request. Really, it was just because he cared, but he needed to establish good communication with her because he was hoping that they could take this long term. He had no plans of leaving and wanted to work on them, fully. Get to know her the best he could and date her until the time was right. Most people would be scared but Harry likes to feel things out. So far, it all felt very good. Once he had given in.

Y/N was tracing over his tattoos when he asked her about earlier. Honestly, she didn’t know how to fully explain to him what was going on, but she owed him an explanation of sorts. He was only asking because he cared and he wanted to know. He wasn’t going to make fun of her or anything. She just had to get past that in her mind. 

“I... I know that what she said wasn’t true, I know that.” Y/N prefaced, “it did strike a chord with me though, because... it was already something I was sort of battling already in my mind... like, the idea that maybe I’m not ‘normal’ enough for you.” Y/N knew how it sounded, but to her it was a genuine concern.  “Afraid that— that since those slimy businessmen that I dated before thought I was too much to handle that you definitely would think I’m too much to handle.” Y/N tried to keep herself as calm as possible but it wasn’t really working. “A—and it’s my biggest fear that  someday you’ll be fed up with me like they were and that you won’t want to deal with me anymore.” Y/N hid her face farther into him, her arm around his waist gripping him tighter as if he was going to get up and leave. “Just... Scary cause I don’t know... what if she was right? What if you do get tired of me? I—I wouldn’t know what to do.” Tears started to escape her eyes. “It’s— it’s why I try so hard to, to try and be more normal and stuff, don’t want to just be your prissy rich girl girlfriend... want you to be proud to call me your girlfriend, don’t want you to be ashamed or want to keep me a secret..”

“Oh... baby, no.” Harry felt a crack in his heart. He hated that she felt that way. While he found understanding that she could feel that way... he knew that she would be thinking all sorts of stuff. “First of all... you’re very different to girls I have dated. But I think that it’s wonderful.” He began to explain, trying to brush tears away. “Baby... fuck, please don’t cry. S’okay. M’not going anywhere.” He tried to soothe for a moment before continuing. “I don’t think that anyone else would be as perfect to date as tou. Not only are you understanding of my work and the environment, but I know you wouldn’t be using me for money.” He joked, letting her nuzzle her face into the palm of his hand. “You are a light. Yeah? A pretty light that keeps me lookin’ up. How could I ever get tired of you? The fact of the matter is, she was projecting. She knew I was tired of her. And the reason for that being— she didn’t communicate with me, she wouldn’t do the things I’d like or take the time to truly know who I was or what I like. And then you....” he raised a brow. “You spoil me rotten even though I don’t ask. I barely have to ask for anything but kisses because you just naturally know.” He explained smoothly. 

“You get anxious and needy a little bit, that isn’t at all a problem with me. In fact, I like that you like being close to me. I’m not at all ashamed of you. At all.” He needed to stress that point. “I keep us out of the office because I don’t need people harassing me or you about it and the promotion. What I was thinking, was  once I’m there? I don’t care. But... if it really really hurts you? I don’t mind... if it’s something that pains you. I can let people know.”

Y/N listened closely, taking in deep shaky breaths. Her bottom lip was still trembly, mostly because the second she got going she couldn’t really stop, but she was trying for him. Y/N swallowed thickly and pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand before nuzzling against it. She let out a sad little giggle at his comment, sniffling and nodding along because she didn’t quite trust her voice just yet. Y/N knew he wouldn’t be angry or upset with her, but the reassurance was definitely something she needed a lot of. She had a lot of trauma and she needed that support. The fact that he was even willing to change something that was important to him just for her made her heart swell up, clearing her throat before she spoke. 

“Don’t wanna hide...” Y/N frowned as she looked up at him, “know people aren’t going to like it... but they won’t like it either way.”

“Alright. If that helps you, baby. I didn’t know it hurt you so badly.” He murmured, stroking her hair. He was curious to see how people would react but he cared more about Y/N than he did about anyone else. She was wiggling her way deep into his heart and under his skin. “You’re right. I’ve been holding off for a long while. I think it’s because I’ve been worried how people will perceive the promotion and think I’m climbing the ladder hut... you told me that the promotion was already mine to begin with.” He had trust in her and didn’t think she was making it up. “I’ll let you show me off then.” Harry figured, fuck it all. “But I wanted to let you know that, I don’t plan on ever leaving or getting bored. Okay? Trust me. It’s alright. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want to.” Y/N didn’t know just how much Harry genuinely liked her. “I wanted to for a long time. Even before I gave in, obviously. But I’m happy that now, we can keep it going.” He wanted her to continue loving on him. Maybe now he wouldn’t have to close the office door if she came in. 

“Next time please tell me if you feel that way. Don’t sit on it and make yourself feel awful all day.” He muttered. “I don’t like that.” It was nice to have him just calmly talk to her about things and understand where she was coming from. These days, she never thought she would find someone that ticked all of her boxes the way he did. He didn’t care that she was a lot of work, he wanted to work on things with her. He was willing to try for her. 

“You... he hired you already knowing you’d be the one to take over, he just... he wanted to make sure I liked you.” Y/N explained with a sniffle, “cause I’m gonna have to be involved.” She didn’t want to drop it on him that her father wanted them to get married but he was a smart man, he would figure that out on his own. She was happy that he wanted her to show him off, glad that she wouldn’t have to close the door or wait for kisses or hugs. Wouldn’t have to explain why she was defending him so hard whenever someone chatted shit about him. “I’m sorry, I’m just used to doing stuff this way. No one ever wanted to listen, I just had to get over it on my own... I appreciate you more than you even know..”

“I’m sorry that you had to deal with dickheads who wouldn’t listen to you. That’s what’s truly fucked up. I don’t understand why they’d have a woman like you and still manage to be a dick.” He huffed, rolling his eyes. Y/N deserves better. He was better. So they both won. “There’s gonna be none of that shit with me, babe. Alright? If you’re upset, you tell me. Angry? Tell me. We can progress if we don’t talk about what bothers us and what doesn’t.” He murmured, rubbing her cheek before he kissed the wet spots where her tears were. He wanted to take them all away. “We’ve got this. I think the both of us are going to be fine. It’ll be a bit of an adjustment for you, but I think one of my most important things is to be truthful.” He didn’t like the idea of anything but. Lying wasn’t something he would tolerate.

Y/N closed her eyes as he leaned forward to kiss her cheeks, humming a little in his hold. She cared about him so damn much and he treated her so well. Y/N wasn’t sure what she did to be so lucky but she was going to try her hardest to keep him for as long as she could. Forever. They would make it, they would keep the communication open and be truthful. They would talk it out and work on things. Y/N was positive that she wouldn’t be able to find anyone better than him, not that she wanted to find anyone else. She swore she... 

“I love you..” She mumbled softly, opening her eyes again to look up at him. Y/N was nervous, but she meant it. She meant to tell him that and wouldn’t take it back. Even if he didn’t feel the same right now, she definitely was falling for him at a hard and fast pace.

Harry froze for a moment, tilting his head as he looked at her. It was a surprise, for sure. But he trained his face, thumbing over her cheek one as he took her in. 

“Yeah?” He smiled, obviously not a bit upset at the confession. He had to think over his feelings a bit later. Because he was nervous if he admitted it so soon, and he didn’t mean it. He felt like he was getting there. Falling for sure. But not at the point he could say it. He leaned forward and kissed her, soft and sweet as appreciation. “M’fallin.” He could return the words back but she wasn’t alone in the feelings. He felt a lot for her and wanted to make sure she knew that it was getting there and there was nothing to be embarrassed of.

“Yeah.” She smiled back, biting her lip for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her. It was a nice feeling, warm and comforting. Y/N knew what she was feeling, but wasn’t exactly ready to say it back. That was fine, she just needed to get it off her chest because she really did love him. She’d never cared for someone like she cared for him and Oliver. She felt like they were her own little family, little paradise where anything could happen. Hearing him say he was falling just made everything feel better. Whenever he was ready, he could tell her felt the same. For now, they’d just continue on with their night. 

“I feel better now...” Y/N mumbled as she pulled away from the kiss gently, “thank you, angel...” She hummed and returned her lips to his, finding a comfortable position for the two of them to just lay there and love up on each other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

[part 5]

A/N: please let us know if you’d like to see more from them! - n + d

masterlist

[morizoras-cave]

Bullies (Request)

Tom Holland x teen!co-star!reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Request Description: Tom holland x teen!reader,reader is having a rough time in school but doesn't want anyone to know,until one day they were looking at their social media while sitting next to tom,in one of the post someone was mocking or bullying the reader,and to that they cried,tom was quick to comfort them and ask what's wrong and the reader told him,and he's like i am gunna talk to the school and tell them what they are doing. Hope is okay❤❤❤❤❤

Warnings: bullying, general sadness, MEAN comments, language probably

(A/N): man, i only do requests these days (lol ive had my blog for like a week) maybe ill do one of my own tonight or tomorrow along with a request :) ALTHOUGH, i really like doing your guys’ requests you have amazing ideas that i honestly would never come up with by myself :DDD <3

When you decided to do a movie, there were a lot of things that you didn’t sign up for, that came along with it. Some good, some bad. Like meeting all your favorite celebrities, the overwhelming fanbase that grew around you, the countless haters, and the 24/7 plane rides across countries.

You were now on one of said planes, your co-star and brother from another mother, Tom Holland sitting beside you. You had been intimidated to meet him at first, but he had been nothing but nice to you, and you always appreciated his presence.

He’d helped you a lot with fame and how to handle it, because in truth all you really wanted was to act. You could’ve never imagined what would come from it though, and you were eternally grateful to Tom.

However, you were hiding something. It was embarrassing and childish and it could never compare to Tom and his fame-problems. You were being bullied. And how could you let them bring you down when you had so many fans? It bothered you so much, and you couldn’t understand why, and the inability to understand only enhanced your misery. 

It was at school, at least that’s where it was first. Some girls had started saying that you “thought you were too good for your school,” and that, “you were just a snobby celebrity now,”. 

Then, when the trailer was released it’d had gotten worse and they’d pranked you and followed you around and even beat you up once. You couldn’t stand it. Now the press tour had started, and they’d settled for online harassment. 

You’d tried to tell them to stop, but they just wouldn’t. You felt horrible inside, and had tried to avoid using your phone. But it was everywhere, everywhere that you needed to see, every website that you used. And at some point it had become an addiction.

You sought it out, even when you knew that it would hurt you. You just needed to see. You had to. And they’d started a page on instagram dedicated to it, so it was easy to find. 

It was called Y/n-L/N-is-gross, and it consisted of pictures they’d taken of you in school, and then they captioned it making fun of your appearance, performance, personality, anything they could. 

And it hurt. It hurt no less than the first time you read it. You didn’t want to go back to school again. You cried so much at night, and the broken and unhappy you had slowly crept into the daytime.

You were on your phone, biting your nail nervously, as you clicked on to their account. The many unpleasant and unflattering photos of you popped up, and there was the new post. You inhaled, looking to your side. Tom was also on his phone, not looking at you, so you cautiously clicked it.

You frowned. 

‘y/n is fucking disgusting. she has no talent and all her photos are edited to shit. look at her. she is ugly. shes also just selfish and manipulative, an absolute whore’

Your breath hitched and unexpectedly you felt tears in your eyes. You tried to blink them away, but the tear simply fell. It hurt so much. They were right. Of course they were. I mean, look at you. You’re a disgusting whale, you’re untalented, you’re nothing, you’re-

“Y/n?” 

You flinched, instinctively turning your phone off, and aggressively wiping your eyes. Tom was looking at you, his expression both confused and serious. 

“Mhmm?”

“Were you crying just now?” he asked, and he seemed out of place. So did you. You didn’t like the situation, Tom didn’t seem to understand it.

“Uh,” was all you said, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Tom.

“What-what, why were you crying just now? Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked and immediately got closer to you to put his hand on your shoulder. 

“Nothing happened, okay? I’m fine.” 

“Y/n, I know you’re not.” 

You hesitated. 

“It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is!” 

Tom paused. He could see tears forming in your eyes again. You’d always been a very private person, but Tom couldn’t stand to see you unhappy like this.

“Is someone writing something mean about you?” Tom asked quietly, close enough so you could hear it. At his words, you broke eye contact and let another tear fall.

“Y/n.. You can’t let these things get to you,” Tom mumbled, and you immediately pulled away from him in embarrassment. It was stupid. 

“I told you it was stupid,” you sniffled, looking out the plane window. Tom’s mind was racing, trying to think of the best way to console you.

“It’s not stupid, it’s just hard to get used to the hate comments. I know that, I’ve been there!”

“It’s not-..” you sighed, making the final decision to just tell him, “It’s not about hate comments. There are these two girls at my school. They just really like to bully me for some reason. They’ve made a page about me,” you cheeks were burning. Finally, Tom understood. He now felt an anger arising within him. 

“What have they been doing?” he asked, and the switch in his attitude was clear. He was trying to sound sympathetic, when in reality he was pissed. You saw it too, his jaw clenched and fists gripping the arm rests.

“Don’t worry about it, Tom. I can deal with it,” you words made him. It took every ounce of self control within him to not yell out in frustration.

“Clearly not, Y/n. Clearly you can’t. It hurts me when you’re sad, it’s not just something I can ignore. You’re my little sister, N/n. Just tell me what they’ve been doing.. Please,” his hiss turned into a plead, one hand gripping the side of your face, the other on your upper arm. 

“They’ve just been calling me names and.. I don’t know some stupid pranks and mean words online. And then once..” you trailed off, and Tom searched your eyes intently. You had to tell him, you knew. “They.. I guess they.. Hit me once.” 

“They- They hit you?” Tom was outraged, pulling away from you, to see you better. 

“I mean- yeah, they.. They both hit me.. A lot.” 

Tom was seething. You felt lighter though, as the words escaped you, like a burden was lifted from your shoulders. Tom gripped your hand with both his, squeezing it. 

“God, Y/n. I don’t know what to say. This isn’t stupid. This is serious! You can’t hide these things, they’ll hurt you. Promise me you won’t hide it again,” you watched him hold your hand into his chest, as he spoke. You knew he was right. And I guess it was serious. It made you feel better than Tom didn’t brush off your problems like you had thought he would. 

“I promise,” you nodded. Tom brought you into a hug. You could hear his heart beating out of his chest. 

“Alright, now if you give me their names, I’m gonna call the school and get them expelled. You won’t be seeing them again. And if they try to bother you online, we’ll send the fans after them” he spoke into your hair. You giggled at the thought. 

You gave Tom their names, and sure enough they were expelled. They did try to bother you online, but this time you told Tom, and just one instagram story was enough to send thousands of angry fans over there. The account was taken down after just a couple of hours. Tom kept an eye on you since then, but after that you told him when you were sad. Because you knew nothing good came out of hiding it. Tom truly was like your protective brother, and he would never stop that. You guys had something truly special. 

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer​ @marvel-madness​ @40srogcrs​ @whatthefuckimbisexual​ @ireadfanficforfun

[danny-chase]

Big Brother instinct, Dick and either Cass, Gar, Danny Chase, Steph, Kara, Rose, or anyone else u want

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Batgirl (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dick Grayson & Cassandra Cain, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne Characters: Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain, Bruce Wayne Additional Tags: Dick grayson centric, Fire, Burns, hair styling, Ice Cream, Hurt/Comfort, Late Nights, Fluff and Angst, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Missions Gone Wrong, Good Sibling Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain is bad at feelings, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings Series: Part 11 of Bad Things Happen Bingo Summary:

Dick talks with Cass after a mission doesn't go as planned.

Fic under cut

“Argh!” Dick snaps back to attention as Bruce’s angry grunt rattles through the cave. The few bats still in for the night stir, their wings rustling in the distance. An avalanche of papers fly off of Bruce’s desk, and his grizzled form slumps forward, hands firmly planted on the table. His shoulders sag under some unknown strain; as if he’s carrying the weight of the sky.

“Hmm.” Dick blinks back another wave of exhaustion, he’s not working on a case – but Bruce is – and company always makes working more fun. Besides, Bruce is on a time limit and Alfred can’t stop him from escaping his room. So. Here he is. He took an oath - it’s his job to help.

Dick’s eleven and Bruce’s a pillar of reassurance – a precariously stacked pile of rocks constantly on the verge of crumbling. He has no idea how to pick up the pieces. No idea how to seal the cracks. “Bruce?” He mumbles, swinging his legs off his spinny chair. Bruce doesn’t look up, his mouth drawn in a tight line. The ghost of tears well in his eyes. Not good.

Dick scoots off the chair, lightheaded for a moment. He shakes the stars out of his eyes, nodding back and forth, up and down, like Bruce does when he’s sleepy. It’s late. He has school tomorrow. Not that it matters. Bruce will let him skip if he asks the right way. He jogs in place for a few seconds, readying himself, warming up his muscles.

There’s not much he can do to help, but he can at least put on a little show. He runs forward launching into a cartwheel, picking up the papers as he goes – Bruce likes his tricks, sometimes they even make him laugh, sometimes –

Bruce snags his ankle out of the air, his quick reflexes saving Dick from crashing into the edge of a counter. He finds himself hanging, the world stuck upside down as his hands dangle inches from the floor. “Thanks.” He looks up at Bruce’s weary face.

A yawn escapes his lips, and the corners of Bruce’s mouth twitch. “I’m going to have to child-proof the cave at this rate.” He tries for humor but it falls flat, his hearts not in it all.

He stares up, sticking his tongue out. Bruce’s frown doesn’t fade. “Are you okay?” He asks. Bruce’s hands fumble, and Dick swings dangerously low to the floor before he’s recovered. Not willing to take the chance again, he curls up, grabbing Bruce’s forearms and pulls himself up through his arms, settling himself on sturdy shoulders.

Bruce drops his feet. “I’m fine. Why would ask that?” He sounds almost hurt and Dick’s too tired to figure out why.

He slides down easily, Bruce gently deposits him on the floor. “You looked sad.” A yawn leaves his mouth without permission, he stumbles slightly, and a hand clamps down on his shoulder. He reaches back up, and Bruce throws him up against his shoulder, wrapping him in a hug.

Dick yawns contently, his eyelids fluttering without his permission, as Bruce starts walking towards the stairs. “I’m sorry…” The arm around his back pulls him a bit tighter. “I’m just not enough.” A shaking hand combs through his hair and Dick squeezes back because he doesn’t know what to say.

Bruce grunts as he takes a step up the stairs. “Sleep on it?” Dick suggests, resting his eyes for just a moment.

“Mmhmm. It’s bedtime.” Dick’s half asleep by the time they reach the top. He’s not sure he hears Bruce whisper, “You’re a great kid, chum.”

It took Dick years before he really understood the feeling. And even more years before he made the connection that that was how Bruce had felt on late nights spent scouring for clues that just didn’t seem to exist, having worked for days straight on three hours of sleep, and watching Gotham send all of it up in flames setting you back months on an investigation.

He’s learned there’s nights it’s impossible to save everyone – hell, he’s seen Clark get his ass kicked, and Clark’s damn near close to god. Dick would know – the Titans have fought their namesake. But the Titans have fought humans and lost despite half their members being godlike, and besides that most days now he’s alone. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries, how much he plans, how prepared he is; sometimes things just go to hell and a handbasket and there’s nothing he can physically do to prevent it.

Most of the time, he’s fine with that. It’s fine he has limits. Logically, he knows he can’t be expected to everything. Logically, he knows it’s a waste of time to worry about it. Logically, he knows it’s okay to take a night off, watch a nature documentary, invite a friend over, stay in and spend the night simply existing.

But it feels like he could be doing more – should be doing more. He feels that restlessness overtake him, and springs to his feet “Bruce I-”

Bruce gives him his patented bat-glare from where he’s sitting, looking up from a familiar pile of papers. Once it would have intimidated him into sitting back down. Now he just returns it with a patented one of his own. “-I think I’ll suit up and head out for the night, Tim could probably use some back up with-”

“Dick.” There’s this exasperated tone that Bruce can only ever seem to muster when saying his name. He pauses for a just a second, his eyes flickering down to Bruce’s clenched fists and tight shoulders. “Let me handle it.” It comes out as an order, but reading between the lines, it’s a plea.

Bruce would never admit it out loud, worry practically bleeds out of the man. Guilt gnaws on the inside of his chest, though, he’s not sure what it’s even from; the guilt of making Bruce worry or the guilt of being a useless sack of broken and bruised ribs while people need Nightwing’s help. Being benched sucks, but he knows enough to compromise. “Let me run the comms? Babs could use a night off.” She sleeps less than him and Bruce knows it.

The gray streaks in Bruce’s hair stand out all the more as he lets out a bone deep sigh. Dick rolls his eyes – he doesn’t get to do this right now. “You literally let me go out last night I don’t understand why-”

“Last night was an emergency. I didn’t have a choice.” His frown widens, his face etched in an eternal look of pain, mixed with disproval. “Two nights ago… you almost…” His mouth seals itself shut, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. It’s Bruce that breaks the gaze first. “Run the comms, don’t overexert yourself. It should be a quiet night…” He stands, hesitates before walking off “And get to bed early.”

Dick bites back a laugh, Bruce hasn’t talked to him like that since he was thirteen. “Alright.” He resists the urge to poke fun, and follows Bruce through the passage behind the grandfather clock.

“So Ives was talking about the Pirates of the Caribbean movie with me the other day, and we might go see it this weekend if I have the time. Gee- I can’t remember the last time I saw movie in theaters or even really hung out with him.” Tim’s endless chatter helps him stay awake in the dimly lit cave. His throbbing ribs help too, maybe he shouldn’t have tried doing push-ups. “Dad and Dana want to drop me off, but Ives has a car now, though dad’s still worried cuz of the time some wacko tried to stop us at a traffic light.”

Dick hums, a smile creeping its way up his face. “I can drop you off if it’s an issue.”

“Really?! That’d be awesome, you could stay for the movie if you wanted to, but I don’t know if you’d like it, I mean are pirates really your thing? I always figured you’d be more into Vikings or probably aliens actually, or something like-” A red light flashes on the screen, and Dick snaps to attention.

“Hold that thought.” Tim’s chatter ceases immediately as Dick furiously types on the terminal. He punches into the main line. “Batgirl how fast can you get to the corner of 16th and Murphy’s Ave, there’s a building on fire and you’re the only one anywhere near the Upper East Side.” A 911 operator calms down a hysterical woman in his left ear, Cass asking direction in the right.

He pulls up a map. “I-I can’t find a way out!” The woman shrieks. “I don’t know what happened, I was sleeping and-” she breaks off into raspy hacks.

“Go straight, turn right after three blocks down.” Dick winces, as the lady continues chocking on smoke. “C’mon Cass. Get there.” He mutters off the line. He eyes his cycle sitting idly in the bay – he’s twenty minutes out; Cass needs backup. He opens up another line. “Batman I need you to follow Batgirl, what’s your eta?”

Bruce grunts back, he hears thudding over the line. “Fifteen minutes.” The woman screams in his other ear, he yanks the earbud out as a massive bang nearly blows out his eardrum. Picking it back up, he can’t hear the woman anymore, only the roar of flames and falling debris.

“Shit.” He pulls up video from a street camera. “Shit.” The building’s collapsing in on itself. “Permission to call the league?” He clicks through to their line of communications, his finger hovering over the button.

“Here.” Cass scrambles into view, bursting through a window. Shit.

Bruce learned his limits long ago. Dick’s finally settling into his. Cass? They simply don’t register on her radar. The buildings coming down in mere minutes; she’s going to get killed.

“What’s the situation?” Bruce yells in his ear.

“Batgirl get out of there!” He screams at Cass. She’s going to die – the building’s not stable, and he’s the one that sent her there. “Make it five minutes – the building’s coming down.” He yells to Bruce. “Batgirl!” He watches a few windows blow out. A firetruck careens down the street.

“Permission granted.” Bruce huffs and Dick can’t click the button fast enough.

A couple more windows blow out, and the building seems to lean to the side. Finally he sees Cass climb back out a window, holding a couple kids in her arms as she leaps to the ground. “BATGIRL GET THEM CLEAR!” His heart pounds in his throat as she runs forwards, the building groaning behind her, crumbling to the side. Chaos erupts, chunks of flaming debris cascading from the top of the building, as the second floor merges with the first.

Dick blinks, his mouth dry. “There’s more people-” he can’t hear Cass over the ensuing cacophony as he watches the building topple to the ground. “NO!” He faintly hears her scream as the screen erupts in static.

Dick slams his fists on the desk. His chest constricts painfully. “Nightwing. Report.” Bruce’s steady voice reminds him to breathe. His chest spasms. Shit. “Nightwing!” Bruce demands as he tries to catch his breath.

“Building collapsed.” He manages to get out. “One sec.” He takes a few deep breaths, leaning back in the chair for support. “Batgirl report.” He’s greeted with silence. “Batgirl, please, if you’re there I need you to respond.”

“I…” Cass trials off. Dick sighs in relief. “I’m sorry.” The line cuts off. Well. Shit.

“Nightwing! I’m headed to the location.” Bruce squawks. Dick sighs.

“It’s going to be a long night. Search and rescue, I’ll call in backup.” Shit. So much for an early bedtime.

“Hey.” Someone shakes his shoulder. He makes a grab for their wrist and misses, his mind processing where the hell he is. He blinks a few times.

“Cass?” Her hair’s plastered to the side of her head and she’s covered in soot. Nicks, rips, and tears decorate her costume. Dick wipes his eyes as the ashy smell of smoke overwhelms his senses. Cass takes a few steps back, heading towards the locker room. “Wait.” He had something to say to her, his mind racing to catch up.

She hops up onto a counter. His mind shuffles through the events earlier in the night. “Bruce sent you back?” Cass nods glumly. The rescue efforts weren’t going well when he dozed off. The JLA sent in everyone they could spare; there’s nothing they can do anymore. Not that Bruce won’t try.

Cass’s lips are sealed. There’s a haunting expression in her eyes, her shoulders slump forward, her hands firmly plant themselves on the counter for support.

And his friends think he’s too much like Bruce.

“Hey.” He starts. She gives him a weary look, tears welling in her eyes. Well, maybe not exactly like Bruce. “Look, I’m sorry I put you in that position.” Cass shakes her head. “Sometimes things like this happen. I should have-”

“Stop.” Cass pulls her feet up on the counter, getting dust everywhere. “I should have been faster.” She swallows, refusing to let the tears spill over. “My fault.”

Dick watches as she glides off the counter, yanking off her gloves and dropping them on the floor. Burn marks dot her hands and the edges of her hair are singed. “You did everything you could.” She hesitates, before taking a step towards the showers.

“Not enough.” She mutters before storming off, leaving a trail of soot in her wake.

He stands up. “Cass.” The lock snaps shut with a click as she slips into the bathroom. Leaving Dick in an empty cave once more.

By the time he returns downstairs, Cass is already out of the shower, looking displeased. “You took my clothes.” She notes unhappily, a pale pink towel tucked tightly around her shoulders.

Dick watches water drip down from her hair, pattering on the floor. The trail leading back to the bathroom is now mixed with water and soot. Alfred’s going to be pissed. “I took your costume.” He clarifies. “And I brought you clothes.” He gestures towards the open door.

Cass scowls, planting her feet defiantly. “I’m going out.” She reaches out a hand. Dick shrugs – there’s no way she can find where he hid her filthy suit before they get a chance to wash it.

It’s all too familiar, reading the lines across her brow, watching her shoulders slump when she stills, and scanning red rimmed eyes. “What are you going to do like that?” He points out, Cass angrily storming towards him. “You’re tired, you’ll just end up being in the way.” He dodges left as a fist flies past his face. “You would have hit if I wasn’t right.” She’s faster than him on his best days.

She glares at him with pursed lips, staring before turning on her heel and storming off towards the bathroom. The door slams behind her, triggering the rustling of far away wings.

Dick sighs – he hopes he wasn’t this temperamental when he lived with Bruce. “Come up to the kitchen when you’re done, I need your help with something.” The lie rolls easily off his tongue, though he feels a twinge of guilt as Cass groans behind closed doors.

Cass’s eyes widen as she enters the room. Dick offers a smile as she edges closer to the table. He tosses a spoon, she snags it out of the air. “Dig in.” There’s a carton of chocolate ice cream – double chocolate chunk brownie sundae with hot fudge and chocolate sprinkles to be precise – and tons of candy. It’s not stuff Bruce keeps around, but Dick’s has a stash at Tim’s house reserved for movie nights. He’ll restock later.

Cass vigorously stabs the ice cream with her spoon, a smile dancing across her face as she takes a few bites. She pauses, sticking the spoon back in the cartoon, looking up with a confused expression. “Why?” She’s wearing fluffy pajama bottoms, fuzzy socks, and an old worn college sweatshirt that’s frayed at the hems. Dick can almost pretend he’s back, talking to Donna after she broke up with Roy their sophomore year of high school.

She’s watching Dick carefully. He hums casually. “You had a rough night.” This is what the Titans always did. She shrugs.

“Things happen.” She shovels a few more bites into her mouth. “I want to go out.” It’s hard for Dick to find her tough and grizzled when she’s guzzling gummi worms, kicking her feet back and forth on the stool.

“Consider this a reason to stay in.” She gives him a sideways glance. “You did as much as you can, that’s enough.” Cass looks pointedly at her ice cream, not hesitating before diving back into it.

“Spar with me?” She licks a skittle before sticking it in her mouth.

Dick snorts. “If I don’t have a heart attack, I think Bruce would.” She snaps up to attention, grabbing his wrist and quickly finding his pulse point. “I’m fine, Cass.” Her hands are freezing. He places one of his on top of hers. “If you weren’t there I wouldn’t have been.” He says quietly, catching her eye. “Thank you.” She pulls back as if burned, quickly busying herself with the candy. He waits a moment before adding, “I think those kids you saved are grateful too.”

Cass throws a bag of M&M’s at him, he’s a second too slow and it pelts him in the face. “Noted.” He grins. “Uh, also, I’m going to have to do something with your hair.”

“What.”

“Cass, hold still.” She immediately stops squirming under his hands. “Thanks.” She hums back, tucked under an old blanket that never seems to leave the back of the couch. Bruce still isn’t here, but Tim checked in after his stakeout, and headed home a half an hour ago. He snips away another lock of burnt hair, tossing it into a trash can next to him.

He rests his forearms on the back of the sofa, contemplating which section of her hair to start with next. “You find one you like yet?” He asks, peeking over her shoulder at the images of hairstyles.

“Uhh.” She scrolls a bit more. “I don’t care.” She tosses the phone up to the top of the couch.

“Mmm.” He didn’t expect much else. Donna texted him a picture earlier to copy – something easy to pull back but still stylish. He attacks the next section, carefully brushing out the tangles, starting bottom to the top. He’s oddly grateful for all those times he did Donna and Kory’s hair.

‘Practice for when Bruce finally adopts a girl.’ They used to tease. ‘You’ll have a real sister, and if his track record holds she’ll have black hair and blue eyes.’ He’s never lived the irony down. Though, Cass’s eyes are a beautiful warm brown, so Donna and Kory can take that.

“You know.” He keeps his tone light. “Most hairdressers and their clients talk.” Cass remains set in stony silence. “Though I guess most people go to a salon to get their hair cut.” He just visits Joey. “Some people say it’s like free therapy.”

“You talk a lot.” Cass notes. He pulls up doodle jump on his phone and passes it back to her. She plays a couple rounds before the phone’s placed back beside him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He already knows the answer, but still asks all the same.

“No.” Bruce never wanted to either. Barbara used to talk to him… before he left for the Titans and took years to look back. Though he likes to dream otherwise, he knows there’ll come a day when Tim won’t want to talk to him anymore either.

It doesn’t get any easier being shut out. “That’s alright. If you change your mind I’m here.” He grabs the shears, snipping away another dead end.

“Thanks.”

“Dick.” A hiss awakes him, light following soon after. He squints, turning away to bury his face in a cushion. “Where’s Cassandra?”

He turns, eyes snapping open as he quickly scans the sofa. The blanket hangs off the edge, Cass nowhere to be seen. One of her custom batarangs sticks out of his armchair’s armrest, a few inches from his hand. “She must have found her costume.” He notes, glancing towards the pajamas crumpled in the doorway. His eyes meet Bruce’s as he lets out a tired sigh.

His hair’s dripping, fresh from a shower, and it’s singed at the edges. Dick nods towards the sheers on the coffee table. “Tomorrow.” Bruce decides, crossing the room, picking up the blanket as he goes. Dick pushes down the footrest, slowly rising to his feet. His ribs twinge at every move, in hindsight, falling asleep hanging off the side of an armchair wasn’t his best idea. Bruce hovers closer than normal, watching carefully, worry lines set in concern. “Bed.”

Dick’s too tired to argue. “Bed.” He agrees. And though Bruce doesn’t carry him, he accompanies him up the stairs.

[finalgilmoregirl]

just in time (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: bucky hears your music in the middle of the night, and sees you in your natural state for the first time. lightly inspired by the song ‘just in time’ by tony bennett !

warnings: none :) just fluff !

a/n: ooooo first one-shot & it’s of bucky! yay! i hope you enjoy this, ive had this idea in my head for weeks & im glad i’m finally writing it. acne is something i struggle with so i can relate to this and maybe you will too! <3 also sorry for any mistakes!!

————————————

It was another one of his many sleepless nights. Even after months of therapy and his nightmares actually lessening, there still came nights where he was afraid to go to sleep. No matter how comfortable he got, Bucky was still anxious at the thought of his mind forcing him to dream of his old life, afraid of seeing the faces of the innocent souls he killed.

He couldn’t stand just laying in the dark either. Bucky felt like he should’ve been doing something if he wasn’t sleeping, but he felt far too tired to even want to do anything else than sleep. All he wanted was to relax.

As he turned over for what felt like the hundredth time, he heard something. At first he thought it was someone talking, but the voice didn’t sound like anyone he knows in the compound....’Is that music?’ he thought.

The song sounded familiar, and thanks to his super-soldier hearing, he was quick in identifying the specific voice. Tony Bennett.

He was a fan of the singer. When he was busy catching up on music and pop culture, he found himself listening to music from the 40s and 50s the most. He felt at home listening to songs with big bands playing in the background and raspy voices singing the lyrics.

He was no longer tired as he pulled the messy covers off of his body and began to stand up. He was curious to know who was listening to music at this hour. Maybe even praise them for their good music taste. As he walked down the hall to the door next to his, he was pleasantly surprised to learn the music was coming from your bedroom. He could see the dim light coming from under your door, and now he was curious to why you were up so late, seeing it had to be at least 2:30 right now.

Surprisingly, Bucky wasn’t as nervous as he thought he would be, considering he was standing at your door in the middle of the night. He’s had a growing crush on you since you first joined the team, around 4 months after he did. Now it being a little over a year and a half since you joined, he’s gotten comfortable around you to the point where he can talk to you about most things, even the nightmares that came back now and then.

And of course you had the same feelings for him, he was just as suave as you imagined, him being known as a ladies man in the 40s. Although he was more timid now, after getting him to open up, you would’ve never guessed how much of a delight he was to be around.

He knocked on your door, and it wasn’t until after he did that he realized what he was doing. ‘Knocking on a girls door in the middle of the night, are you crazy?’, he thought as he felt his heart beat a little faster. ‘What if she was asleep? What if she was working on something? What if she had company?’

All those thoughts cleared in a second however, when you opened the door and looked up at Bucky’s tall frame in the dark hallway. You were wearing a t-shirt that was definitely 3 sizes too big, and biker shorts that peeked out the bottom of the shirt. Your hair was in a ponytail, fly aways and loose strands framing your face. He looked at your face once again, barely visible in the dark light, Bucky only able to make out your eyes and lips.

“Bucky? What’s up?”, you asked, a hint of confusion and even worry in your voice. Bucky forgot why he was here until he heard the music again.

“I couldn’t sleep and I heard your music. Just thought I’d come by to see where it was coming from.”, He said, shrugging his shoulders and putting his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Did I wake you?”, You quickly asked, now feeling guilty at the thought of him not being able to sleep because of you.

“No, no! I was tossing for hours doll, don’t worry it wasn’t you. Just couldn’t sleep, is all.”, He assured you.

You sighed in relief as you opened the door more, wordlessly inviting him in. He accepted your silent offer and sat on your bed as you went to the record player in the corner of your room, turning it down a little, so you would be able to talk without having to raise your voices too loud.

“You like Bennett?”, Bucky asked, sitting on your bed. You giggled and turned to where he was, and nodded. “Yeah. Something about music like this just makes me feel safe. I don’t know it’s weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. I love it. Reminds me of the good ol days.” he said, laying back on the bed with his hands under his head, even though the pillows were just a few feet away. You hummed as a way to show him you understood.

“Sorry I don’t look presentable. I wasn’t really expecting guests.” You laughed with a hint of nervousness, sitting cross legged and facing him.

He furrowed his brows and turned his head, and that’s when he got a clear view of your face.

Your bare face.

He was a little surprised to say the least. He’s never seen you without makeup. In the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always worn it every single time he’s seen you. Always powdered up to perfection with your long lashes curled and shimmer making your face look almost reflective in the light. But this was the opposite and he was at a loss for words.

“You- You’re not- your face....”, he stuttered. He didn’t mean for it to come out as mean. If anything his heart was soaring at the sight of you. However you thought differently.

“Jeez Buck. Way to make a girl feel good about herself.”, you said, covering your reddening cheeks with your hands. “What you’ve never seen a girl without makeup? I knew it was bad but I-“

“No no no!”, he interrupted. He lightly grabbed your wrists and lowered them, so he could get a good look at you. “I was just surprised. You look just as beautiful without it. I’ve never seen you without makeup and I just, wow. You look adorable.”

He started to observe your clean face, taking in every freckle and scar. Every little splotch of red and the light bags under your eyes. He was seeing a side of you he’s never seen before, and another side he fell in love with after only seeing it for a second.

“Oh stop.”, you rolled your eyes. “I wear makeup so you wouldn’t have to see my flaws, not so you can stare at them.” she joked, but Bucky could tell this was something she struggled with.

“C’mon doll you think a few scratches are gonna scare me away? You think I like my scars? Nothin’ to be ashamed of.” he said, patting your leg and sitting up to be at eye level with you, even though he still had to look down, him being taller and all.

You looked so natural and pure. Glowing, even although that could’ve just been the lotion you’d applied earlier. You felt your cheeks burn for a different reason too. He said you were beautiful in what you thought was one of your worst states.

“I don’t think you should wear makeup anymore.”, Bucky stated, confidently. You snorted at that.

“Of course I have to wear makeup Buck, I have to look presentable. I can’t let people see me like this.”, you sighed.

“Well at least don’t wear it so much around me. It’d be a shame if I didn’t see this at least once in a while.” he yawned, laying down, this time his head on a pillow.

This wasn’t unnatural, you had movie nights and hung out in your room in the past. He knew he was getting brave though, falling asleep on your bed, when you hadn’t even invited him in the first place. But he couldn’t help it. He actually felt relaxed.

“Alrighty then, Soldier. I’ll try not to. But just for you.”, you said, nodding. You lied next to him and faced him. You started to feel brave too.

“Y’know...”, you started. “I had a bad dream. That’s why I had my music on. I was hoping it would help me sleep. But I guess with you here, maybe I’ll sleep even better.”

Bucky just smiled. You pulled your thick blanket up to cover the both of you and got comfortable, almost laying on him with how close the two of you were. He draped an arm on your side and continued observing your face. He was still fascinated by it.

And just moments later, you fell asleep. Bucky did too, a few minutes later, with the voice of Tony Bennett playing softly across the room, the song feeling perfect in this moment.

'Cause love came just in time

You found me just in time

Then you changed my lonely life

That lovely day

a/n: thank you for reading!!! :) don’t be afraid to leave a request and tell me what you thought. <3

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[animeyanderelover]

could you wrote prompt 17 with paku? im sorry ive just been stalking ur page 😭

Don’t feel sorry for this darling. I’m not angry with you.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, manipulation, Pakunoda reading the reader’s mind, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 17: “You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?”

What had you gotten yourself into? How had this even happened? When had your lovely girlfriend became a criminal and part of the famous Phantom Troupe? As it appears she had been part of the troupe since a long time. How had you even found that out? Let’s just say...you managed to appear at the wrong time at the wrong place and had witnessed Paku talking to some rather shady looking persons. A girl with pink hair who looked like she hadn’t smiled very often in her life and a man who had looked creepy as fuck if someone ignored the fact how tiny he was. You had been too far away to hear what they had been saying, but you knew that it hadn’t been anything good and had tried to sneak away when the man suddenly appeared right in front of you, giving you nearly a heart attack. Just from looking at him you had known that the gap between your and his strength was enormous. He had looked at you with a look in his eyes that had scared the living shit out of you and had asked you with his hoarse and broken voice who you were and what you were doing here. You hadn’t been able to answer him, paralyzed with fear. He had asked you once again and had told you if you wouldn’t answer him he would kill you. That had been the last straw for you and you had fallen unconscious right then and there, expecting to never wake up again.

But you had woken up again. In a room with which you were very familiar. It was Pakunoda’s bedroom. She had been sitting right next to you, waiting for you to wake up again. As soon as you had sat up she had been quick to hug you and telling you that she had been worried when exactly you would wake up, but you had interrupted her and demanded from her to know who the hell these people had been. Paku had tried to tell you something about that they were old friends from her. You would have believed her if it wouldn’t have been for the fact that the small guy had threatened to kill you and had meant it so you hadn’t believed her. You weren’t the smartest one, but you weren’t dumb either and it had been obvious to you that these people had been some sort of criminals so why had Pakunoda be with them? Was she involved? You bombarded her with these kind of questions, not giving her time to lie even more to you. You had felt betrayed. But she still had insisted that these people weren’t bad and that you had just misunderstood something. That’s when you had snapped and had angrily told her that you didn’t plan on staying with a liar so you just stood up and had left her house, yelling that if you really meant something to her that she wouldn’t lie to you so boldly.

And you had gotten answers to your questions because the very same day she had kidnapped you and had told you the truth. Now you wished you would have just accepted her lies back then. You had felt nothing, but terror when she had told you that she was a member of the Phantom Troupe and that the two guys you had seen her with recently were members as well. Hearing that you had nearly been killed by a troupe member had sent you into pure anxiety and you had suddenly realized in what a situation you had gotten yourself into. You had asked her shaking what would happen to you now that you knew who she really was. She had answered you honestly that she had talked with her boss about this and he had told her that as long as she would make sure that you wouldn’t tell anyone he wouldn’t see you as a threat. When you had asked her what would happen if you would tell someone she hadn’t answered you and had just told you that you shouldn’t think about that, but her undertone had told you exactly what would await you if you would tell anyone. Death.

After that day Pakunoda hadn’t let you out of the house again, wanting to ensure that you wouldn’t get the chance to tell anyone about her or the troupe. When we’re already talking about the troupe, she had introduced you to them after some time, wanting you to meet her friends. This day must have been the most terrifying and interesting day in your life because who gets the chance to see all of the Phantom Troupe members without being killed immediately. Probably only a few. You had clinged to Paku for dear life during this time, not willing to leave her side, especially when you had seen the guy again who had wanted to kill you, Feitan. But you did meet some guys who were more pleasant to be with and if you could choose you would say that your “favs” were Uvogin, Nobunaga, Shizuku and Kortopi. And if you could choose the ones who were your least favorite then it would be without a doubt Feitan and it seemed like that feeling was mutual judging from the way he glared at you. But then again he seemed to always be not in a good mood and you doubted that he had ever laughed or smiled in his life.

You were conflicted about how to feel about Pakunoda now. You still loved her, but locking you up in her house was a bit much to take and you hadn’t even talked about her punishments yet. She had a lot of patience with you and you were sure if you would have been kidnapped by another troupe member you would have gotten in serious trouble for your behavior. But Pakunoda wasn’t them and so you were still healthy and good taken care of. But even the most patient person had a limit and you guess you had gotten a bit too comfortable with her. That had been a mistake because you had found out only after she had locked you up in your room and had taken everything you could have used to pass your time that she possessed the ability to read someone’s mind, meaning you were literally naked for her and had no way to hide your thoughts. You had tried to use her softness for you against her and had planned to escape her, but all she had needed was to swing an arm around your shoulder and ask you if you wouldn’t try anything. You had answered with a no and at first you had been confused when she had suddenly tensed up and looked at you with a disappointed and sad expression. Only after she had thrown you into the room she had told you about her ability and that’s when you had understood that you were doomed. There was no way for you to even think about a way to escape when all that was needed was a touch and a simple question for her to know what you were thinking. It was truly unfair. The worst was that you had been stuck in this goddamn room for at least two weeks and you hadn’t anything to use for some entertainment. No books, no TV, nothing! The only thing you could do was sleeping, wandering around the room or staring at the ceiling.

Currently you did the last one, staring at the ceiling and thinking about your life decisions, asking yourself what you could have done differently to not get into this situation. Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the door lock being unlocked. You turned your attention towards the door when Pakunoda walked in for her daily checkup. She walked quietly to your bed, sitting down next to you. “How are you?” “Boring.”, you answered her straight away. She chuckled a bit before pulling your head against her chest. You knew what was coming now. “Do you plan anything special?” Here we go again with the questioning. “No Paku. I don’t plan anything.” You didn’t lie. What was the use anyways? Paku knew this as well because you could see a small smile on her face. “That’s good to know.” Your situation was really helpless because as soon as even the idea of a way to escape would come into your mind she would know. She didn’t let go of you and you just assumed that she wanted to spend a bit more time with her. Not like you didn’t like it, her breasts were...soft and comfortable to lay on.

“You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?” You tensed up when she said this. Was this a way to test you? Was this a trick? Since she was still in contact with you she read your thoughts and a sigh escaped her lips. “You still don’t trust me?”, she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “You gave me some reasons to not trust you. By the way, you don’t trust me either. It seems like our relationship is lacking the most important thing that it’s supposed to base on. Trust.”, you replied, bitterness audible in your voice. “I really want to trust you, but you just make it a bit hard.”, Paku said. You looked up. “I trusted you once, but you broke that trust when kidnapping me and telling me that you’re a criminal who kills people. But I guess you have your reasons too that I can’t understand since I’m not you and don’t know what you went through in the past. So it’s not my right to judge you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset. And I upset you too so I guess we’re both guilty.” You meant those words and you could tell by the way she tensed up that she was surprised by this. “(y/n).” You hummed and gave her a confused look. “Yes?” “I meant it when I said that I want to reward you. Tell me what you want?”

Wait?! What?! Your thoughts started to race and you felt excited at the thought that you would have something to entertain you with. But what did you want? A book? A CD? A movie? Something to play with? “Only one thing.”, Paku reminded you when noticing your racing thoughts. You tried to calm your train of thoughts down to start thinking clearly. “A new CD?”, you asked her hesitantly. She nodded in approval. “Alright. A new CD.” You felt relief flowing through you. To be honest, if you would have spent a week longer in here without anything to do you were sure that you would have gone berserk at one point. A human can only hold on that long when they have nothing to do.Both of you spent a few minutes longer in this position, your head against her chest and her just holding you close. You were almost sad when she let go and made her way out again, but at least you would have very soon some music to listen to. “(y/n)?” You hummed confused and looked at her. Paku was standing in the door frame and her head turned around to look you directly into your eyes. “Is something wrong?”, you asked her irritated. “You said that our relationship is lacking trust.” “Yes?”, you answered her unsure.

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to build that trust up again?” This question caught you off guard. Your eyes widened surprised. Why was she asking this? And why wasn’t she just asking you whilst having some physical contact with you? Like this she could make sure that you wouldn’t lie to her. For a moment you played with the thought of giving her an answer that would please her and probably lead to you getting sooner out of this room. But then you realized that this was exactly why this relationship had never worked. It was right that she had lied to you, but were you any better when you tried to use her love for you to your advantage? No, you weren’t. So you decided to give her your honest opinion. “I’m not sure. Our situation is very...complicated at the moment. But I guess if both of us try to change that there might change something. But I’m not 100% convinced.” Paku didn’t say anything and you assumed that she was thinking about your answer. Before she closed and locked the door up again she said:”I appreciate your honesty.” You sat stunned there, staring at the door before you realized why she hadn’t tried to read your mind whilst asking this question. She had wanted to be able to trust you without needing to read your mind. That told you something else as well. She was ready to try to trust you again. The question right now was would you give it a try as well and try to work this out with her?

[aperrywilliams]

I don’t know you anymore/Part V (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V

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Summary: Reader and Spencer have a lot to talk about (maybe not just talk...)

Word Count: 4282.

Rating: Mature. Angst. Smut. (Hope in the end?)

Warnings: Penetrative sex, cursing.

A/N: This is Part V (and final) of “I don’t know you anymore”. Thanks to everyone who took time to read it. You mean a lot for me!

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We can go sit on your back porch Relax Talk about anything It don't matter I'll be courageous if you can pretend That you've forgiven me

The shock of recent events kept me awake. It was almost impossible not close my eyes and see me in the interrogation room. To see how Gabriel pointed his gun at me. To listen the body of Hunter dropping to the floor. To see Gabriel killed by a bullet fired by Spencer. To see Spencer after more than a year. Much to process. My life had taken a dramatic turn in hours. And there I was, lying on a hotel bed, with my back to the ceiling. What should I do?, was worth staying in Philadelphia?, had I the energy to start again elsewhere? .Whatever I must to decide, there was something kept bothering me: why did Spencer has to be here? By now he should have realized I didn’t "move" much this year. He did it? The things Spencer told me hours before made me speculate some things about 'us' still live in him. Or at least it was my wish. I felt bad. Hunter didn’t deserve my love for him like something functional to try to forget Reid. It was unfair. And now he was dead. My life was turning into a terrible gore movie. I hated that feeling.

My eyes were heavy, but it was impossible to fall asleep. I was tossing and turning. Would it be better to leave Philadelphia? Maybe what I said to Spencer about trying luck in Chicago might be a good idea. Start over. Again. Although something told me I had never started again. I felt still trapped in the feelings that made me flee DC more than one year ago.

In the talk of a few hours before I felt again how there was some habitual between us. As if there were things we never forgot about each other. It felt strangely good. And although neither knew exactly what had happened in the other's life - or at least I didn't - my heart was telling me the essence I loved most about Spencer was there. But it was not an option. I had already made that decision over a year ago. I couldn't back down. There were reasons to end our relationship and it wasn't a whim. I think he also finally understood.

It had to be strong. As much as I wanted to feel his comforting hug again, it wasn't right. I didn't want him to misinterpret my gratitude. Now, was it gratitude I felt at the time? The heat running through my body told me a different story. I miss him. Not a day went by I didn't miss him and want him with me. When I thought I had stopped loving Spencer Reid it was obvious I don't.

We had already tried and it didn’t work. Why should it be different this time?. Maybe it's necessary to give a final closure to this. It's a torture to think of all the "what ifs" possible. I had to let him go. I have to close every window could give us any hope. This had to be done once and for all.

I got out of bed, put on a jacket, and went downstairs to Spencer's room. What was I going to say to him at this hour of night I couldn't do in the morning? I didn’t know. I just knew I need to free that feeling stuck in my chest. I knocked gently on the door twice. Hoped he was awake. If he didn't open the door then I would go back to my room. I wasn’t going to insist. It didn't take more than a couple of minutes when I felt the door open and see Spencer looking at me with concern. He asked me if I was okay or if something was wrong. I wasn’t able to say a word. I just let my body speak for me. I got close enough to rise on my feet and catch his lips. What was I thinking? Probably in a farewell.

Would he be thinking the same thing? It was likely, since while we were kissing he took me by the waist and pulled me into the room, closing the door. How I missed those lips. I felt in a dream, guilty, but in a dream after all. My hands couldn't stay still, my fingers were lost in his soft hair, at the base of his neck, on his shoulders, on his face. I held on as much as I could to him so he wouldn't let me go. Feeling his breath so close to my face again brought me back to the best memories of our life together. Why is so difficult to let this man go?

When Spencer pulled back to look at me, his hands were still on my waist, a sign he didn't want to let me go either.

"(Y/N)..." he tried to speak but I cut him off immediately.

"Shhhh... don’t. You don't have to say anything. I just came to say goodbye…”. I said trying to find his lips again.

"No, I... I need to tell you..." without wanting to stop kissing me, he struggled to get words out of his mouth.

"I don’t want to know. Please don't say anything… just… let me have you one more time, ok?”. I just needed to be with him. I didn’t want to argue. I didn't want to question anything. I just needed him. Tomorrow I would see what to do. I just wanted to feel him one more time. My hands began to search for his skin under the shirt he wore, pulling to remove it from his body. He just released my waist to raise his arms and take the garment out. I dropped my jacket to the floor. Taking my waist again, he pushed me back until my back collided with one of the walls of the room. His mouth began to search my neck while with his fingers he unbuttoned the top of my pajamas and dropped it to the floor. Moans came from both of us. As my nails ripped at the skin on his arms, Spencer was anxious about leaving marks on my skin with his mouth and teeth, drowning out his moans and dropping loose phrases along with my name. I also couldn't help but empty part of my head into words.

"(Y/N)... I missed you so much..."

"Please Spencer... take me... I need you..."

"All these months... I’ve never... left..."

"Neither do I…"

"I’ll never let you go again... I promise..." I don't know if my head was playing tricks on me, but hearing his words gave me a false sense of 'reconciliation'. I knew it wasn’t possible. I pushed those thoughts away from my head and concentrated on his caresses. It's as it should be. Looking for his lips again, I began to push him gently towards the bed, where he dropped down leaning on his forearms, watching as I  removed my pants and straddle him, but not before taking out his own pants, letting them fall to the floor.

There were things I hadn't forgotten about our intimacy, and one of them was what parts of Spencer’s body did I need to stroke and kiss to turn him on. I could see this had not changed in these months. His needy moans were the signal I needed to go along.

Being with his hands free while I straddling him, Spencer started squeezing my breasts. If I had to say what kind of man Spencer Reid was in terms of taste, clearly he is a man of breasts instead bottom. His eyes delighted at the sight, as my hands traced lines across his chest. He took my wrists and pulled me to him to catch me in a deep kiss. As if he wanted to suppress his words in those actions. In whispers some phrases escaped from his mouth.

"Do you want this?... do you want to ride me?... if that's you want, take it. Take everything you want from me. Tonight I want to please you for all the nights we haven't been together…” . I didn't need more. I adjusted my knees between his waist and aligned my entrance with his cock. Without warning I began to sink into him, letting out moans of pleasure as I felt him more and more.

"Fuck Spencer..." was all I could say before completely sinking. He let out a gasp as he felt inside me.

"(Y/N) you take it so good... I missed this so much... you do it so good...". That said, he started moving up his hips to feel more intensely how our bodies were rubbing together. If I had not forgotten how I should to touch him to turned on, he hadn’t forgotten what to do to make me feel this good. My moans were mixed with gasps that didn’t stop our movements. His hands on my hips helped me keep my pace and stability as I arched my back and dropped my head back. The movement became more frantic each time, I could see how Spencer tried to keep his eyes open and fixed on me. I also tried to keep my eyes on him even though was more difficult as I getting closer to my orgasm.

“(Y/N), baby… you feel so good. You make me feel so good. Yes, do it like this, take it, come on... take it all... I love you baby, I love you so much... I’ll never let you go again...". I connected those words to the excitement of the moment, but I couldn't help but remember the first time we had sex after Spencer was released from prison. It was very much like this moment. Both needy, both in love, both missing the other, both making promises about the future. But I didn't want to think about it. Not now. That little distraction was enough to keep me from realizing when I was now flat on my back on the mattress and Spencer began to thrusting me strongly, taking my hands over my head. The feeling was so pleasant I couldn't keep my eyes open. He kept talking to me between moans and gasps.

“(Y/N)… look at me, let me see your eyes. Please…". With effort I opened my eyes and looked directly at him. I could see my own lust reflected in him.

"Fuck Spencer... harder... I'm close...". I was struggling to prolong the sensation as much as possible before my orgasm, but I needed rudeness, I needed to lose control.

"(Y/N) say my name, say it ... tell me how I make you feel..."

"Spence... you make me feel so good... Spencer, you fuck me so good, baby... I love you... I love you so much... always love you...". At the crest of my orgasm those words came out of my mouth. And they were true. I don't know if he really noticed it, but at least they served to encourage him and make him lose control. His frantic movements combined with his fingers over my clit. A couple more thrusts were enough and I had lost myself in the heights.

"Fuck (Y/N)... I'm going to..."

Another couple of thrusts and I could feel how he cum inside me. A deep, hoarse moan came from his throat. Without much trouble, he fell on top of me, sinking his head into my shoulder. Only the sound of our labored breaths could be heard. A few seconds later he leaned on his hands to look at me. His glossy eyes, his lips and cheeks glowing along with that messy hair and beads of sweat running down his forehead were a panorama that only awakened more love in me. Without saying anything he began to kiss me. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and responded with a fervent and deep kiss. When we pulled away I could see a smile on his face. He got out of bed on the way to the bathroom. Returning from my ecstasy my neurons began to work again. It wasn't I regretted what I had done, it was just now I really didn't know what I was going to do. Was this the farewell I expected? No. I didn't expect him to rekindle those feelings in me. So was it true that neither of us managed to beat the other this year?

When he came back from the bathroom he brought a damp cloth and began to gently move it over my thighs and crotch to remove any residue of himself from me. He put it on the nightstand and leaned his back against the back of the bed, looking at me. The time to talk had come.

***

I didn’t expect that. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Seeing her in front of my door in the night ready to 'say goodbye' to me was a lot to process. I let myself go. Of course I wanted to be with her, not for that precise reason, but something inside me told me I could awaken some hope with this action.

I sat down on the backside of the bed and looked at her. It wasn’t the best place or time to discuss this, probably not, but time was running out. I wasn't going to let my silence make her run away from me again. (Y/N) hurried to speak first.

"I think I'd better get back to my room..." (Y/N) said as she sat down on the edge of the bed, her back to me.

"No. We cannot let this go and not talk about it ”

"I already told you Spencer, I just came to say goodbye..." she said avoiding my gaze and getting out of bed. This was going to be more difficult than I thought.

"(Y/N), I need half an hour of your time. Could you do that for me? If after that you think it is best to you leave, that's fine. I will understand...”. Would it be enough time to tell her everything? I hoped so.

"Do you think there are things to talk about?" she said with a bitter smile.

"Of course I do! If I remember correctly the last time we spoke, I didn't say much... and ok, it's my fault. I just want you to hear my part of the story. I propose this: let's get dressed and we can drink a coffee. After this, no one will be able to sleep anyway”. She thought a few seconds, then nodded.

"Ok. A coffee I think would be good idea”

We dressed quietly and I started making coffee from the machine in the room. It wouldn't be the best coffee in the world, but at least it would help. I placed two mugs on the small table settled in the corner of the room and gestured for her to sit down. After taking a sip and taking a deep breath, I started to speak.

"Do you remember how we got our first date?" I asked her.

"Are we going to review our entire history in half an hour?" she said crossing her arms over her chest. She was in defensive attitude. I tried not to let that stop me.

"You remember it?". I insisted.

"Yes. We had seen each other in Dr. Stevens' office a couple of times. When he wasn't there we talked for a while if you were willing to wait for him. Until one day I dared and invited you to a coffee. I think it was the first time I invited someone to come out first…”. (Y/N) said with a warm smile.

"That’s right. And I was so glad you did. It would have taken me more months do it myself, you know? Well, and I also suppose you have realized all those times I was going to visit Dr. Stevens, I really knew he was not there and I only came to see you…”. (Y/N) shook her head and bit her lower lip trying not to laugh.

"I wasn't sure, but I had no doubts about that either..." she said taking a sip of coffee. "It's a nice memory Spencer, but I don't know where you want to go with all this..."

"Do you remember our first kiss?" I said without wanting to answer her last question.

"Are you saying the time I kissed you on the threshold of my apartment door when we went out to dinner?". (Y/N) said describing the moment.

"Yep. Precisely. When my hands were shaking and I was dying to kiss you but I didn't dare. Until you did it and also, inside I thanked the gods I would not have had to wait months until I dared to do it. Well, I could also list several things I didn't dare to do for fear of rushing things or fear of ruining what was happening between us…”

"Yes, you were quite shy... I had forgotten that part..." (Y/N) said.

“But I learned a lot of things with you. I started to feel more confident in myself, especially in a relationship. I don't want to be a thorough on this, but I don't think I've ever told you how much I learned from you. And I regret not tell you about it before… just as I regret not having been more explicit about how important you were in my life the whole time we were together…”

“At that point I think the fault fall on both of us. We just took it for granted…” (Y/N) said with a sigh.

“The last time we spoke… over a year ago, you said things to me I didn't expect to hear, even though I was very aware our relationship was in bad shape. You said it was impossible to repair something that was already broken... and told me you felt you were not what I needed...". I could see how (Y/N) avoided my gaze and concentrated on her coffee mug. I dared to take her hand to make her look at me. "Hey!... I need you to know a few things about that so you understand why as far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't think that."

"Do you really think you can repair something that is broken...?" she said with a bitter smile.

"Not repair, rebuild. But for that we have to go back to our initial pact, remember?” I said, stroking his hand with my thumb.

“To tell everything we feel. No hide anything”. I nodded.

"Yes. And in that, I failed. I know. I broke that promise and left you enough away for you thought you were no longer important in my life. Do you remember what I told you the day I was released from prison?”

"I do. That we were going to make up for lost time. That we were never going to part. That no one could ever intervene in our relationship again…”

"That’s right. What I didn't count on was my obsession wanting to remove the things had happened in prison. As if not saying them was enough to make them not exist. But they did exist. Some you saw, some you felt... but I didn't want to tell you anything. I kept it for myself”

"Why did you do the opposite of what we had agreed? Did you really think you could protect me that way? Protect me from what?..."

"From me. It’s true I was no longer the same person, (Y/N). When you told me you felt you didn't know me anymore, it was confirmation of that. But what I never wanted to reveal was I was afraid of the person I had become… and I was afraid of hurting you by showing you this part of me. I was afraid to show it and give you a reason to stop loving me, for not being the same person you felt in love in first place. For some strange reason I thought keeping the routine between us was going to block the growing anger, the little patience, the lack of control I came to feel many times. Which, clearly, was not successful: our constant discussions proved it, do you remember?". I could see how tears rolled down (Y/N)'s cheeks. I also felt my eyes fill with tears, but I needed to stay calm to continue talking.

"I just wanted to know, want to help... but you didn't want to speak to me...". (Y/N) said between sobs.

"I see that. I left you apart. It's my fault. Believe me, I never wanted to go that far. But you should know it has always been you. You were the only person who could have understood and I left you out… you are the one who knows me better than anyone and although blindly, you knew exactly things were not right”. I said taking her other hand with mine.

"And what has changed in these months? What could be different now?..."

“I just want to say one more thing before I answer that question. The thing is… it’s completely false you are not the woman I deserve. It’s completely untrue you are not enough for me. And please forgive me for whatever I did to make you think that. I don't need a woman with an IQ equal to mine, I don't need a woman who with my same job, I don't need a woman who thinks like me, who has my same schedule, I don't need a woman with a stunning external beauty. I need you. You. You are the only woman to me. Even if I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. You’re intelligent, you have made your own way in life, you’re understanding, loving, so brave, you have overcome all the troubles you have faced, you are able to share your love with others, you are able to understand me ... and what a challenge! You have been my rock for three years and I had to lose you to be able to realize it…”. I released her hands, got up from the chair and walked over to where she was sitting. I knelt down in front of her and took her hands again. Tears still ran down her cheeks.

"Please Spencer, stop... don't keep talking..."

"I have not finished. I have 5 minutes to talk…”. That made her smile a little. “About your last question… what has changed? My love for you has not changed one bit, but my desire to compensate for having broken my promise and wanting to be with you beyond anything else is a realization more present in me today than before. What could be different? Whatever we'll want to be. I’m willing to do everything in my power to make you love me again, to you trust me again, to win back you as my friend and lover. Do you want to stay in Philadelphia? Okay. I’ll stay with you. Do you want to go to Chicago ? I’ll go with you…”

"I love you Spencer ... but I could never make you quit your job for me..." she said getting up from the chair and taking my hands so I could get up too.

"Not just for you, my love. For us. If it’s necessary, I’m ready to do it”. She was shaking her head.

"No, doing that would destroy you...". (Y/N) said hugging me and resting her head on my chest.

"I already feel like I'm completely destroyed without you ...". I said as I pressed her against my body. "Please give me a chance to show you how important you’re in my life...". I said without being able to hold back my tears. We were silent holding each other and sobbing.

"Maybe there is something else we can do...". (Y/N) said in a soft voice, barely perceptible. I pulled away to look her in the eye.

"I'll try anything you want...". I said.

"Let's to know each other again...". I looked at her a little oddly. I didn't know if I was comprehending what she meant. She smiled. For the first time an openly smile and I could see a different sparkle in her eyes. She took a pencil and paper from the table and wrote a number. "This is my number. I don't know how many more days I'll be here in Philly. I have to put things in order before going anywhere else. A few days ago I received an email from Dr. Stevens of Georgetown, asking me what I was currently working on. I think he has an open spot on his team. I'll think about it…". My smile could not have been bigger, which (Y/N) noticed and hurried to keep talking. “If I return to DC, I’ll stay with my sister a while. Time will tell Dr. Reid. Sounds good to you?". I happily nodded. She approached to me again, she tip toe rose and gave me a long, deep kiss. When we pulled away she gave me a smile, grabbed her jacket and left the room. Before closing the door she said "I love you Spencer. I mean it. Call me".

That’s what they call hope, a feeling that makes things almost impossible feel achievable. I clung to that hope. I trust in this woman with all my being. And if this is my last chance, I'm not going to waste it. I dialed the number on my phone and save it. This time, I won't let anything unsaid between us.

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[melforbes]

seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide. 

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

[feel199x]

TO PROTECT OUR DISTRICT - CH. XV

SALT WATER WOUNDS & QUESTIONS GOD CAN’T ANSWER

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI

MASTERLIST

ceo!hwang hyunjin, mafia!au, mafia boss!hwang hyunjin

summary: take a shot of water every time you read kiss 

warnings: nightmares, gun use, general mafia shenanigans

 The air had grown humid. Your hair, still damp, stuck to your skin. The taste of sea salt burned your lungs, and sat deep on your tongue. The cement did not grow warm, or softer the longer you laid on it, staring at the sky. You were aware of how awkward and strange you must’ve looked, but you couldn’t make yourself care. The sky above was a sad, sagging shade of gray. What could be done? What could be said? You watched lightning tear the clouds in light, enveloping your vision, like you had swallowed it. Lightning always made you feel like anything was possible, another state of matter all on it’s own. Not solid, not liquid, not gas, not quite. You would forget to breathe, suddenly gasping for breath as the rain continued to drop.

 You sat up, staring at the cracks in the cement, where sprouts sat. You toyed with the small leaves, bent due to the large drops of water. You wonder if the earth ever knew of indulgence, ever understood what too much was. 

 You stood finally, everything seeming to stick to you. Your clothes, your hair, impossibly clinging to you. Another flash of lightning swallowed you up. You looked at Yugyeom, who was looking at you. 

 You think you love him.

 And you pray, you pray that you cannot love too much, as the earth never seems to overwater herself. 

 And wouldn’t you ruin it all by saying it out loud?

 He looked so pretty- so, so pretty. You were beginning to see him in a different light, that much you were aware of. You looked at him, looking at you. There was no way in the world he felt as strongly for you as you did for him. But here he was. He had rescued you. 

 It didn’t make sense.

 Maybe he was working for Sir Hwang.

 A pang of paranoia hit you, sobered you almost, or drunked you. He was good to you. Yugyeom wouldn’t- no he couldn’t hurt you. He would never, right?

 Right?

 He kept looking intently at you. His gaze soft, and kind. He would never. He could never. Yugyeom was different. And sure, you don’t know that many boys, haven’t had that many relationships with boys, but he’s different. You feel it. 

 “Yugyeom,” your voice trailed off, “Would you-,” your voice cracked like glass, “would you turn me into him?”

 Yugyeom looked like he was going to burst into tears at the mere implication and suggestion. “God,” he cried, “god, no. No, _____. You mean so much to me- so, so much. I-,” he stopped himself, “you’re just so important. So important to me. You have no idea. I will meet you in every single lifetime. I will find you. We will find each other. You’ve changed my life. I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”

“I,” you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. You hadn’t known him for long. Could you say something like that, could you say it now? Better yet- would you? “Yugyeom. You will fill my heart for eons.”

 Yugyeom stood, and embraced you again. Smelling like salt. Like water. Like lightning. Like everything you loved and ignored, every delicate part of yourself that you repress. He didn’t care that you just took a swim in the middle of the storm and smelled like raging waters, he kissed your temple, and your cheek, and trailed down your jaw and pulled you into a fiery kiss. 

 And then he let you sit in the warmth of his chest. And he felt like a comfort you hadn’t known in a really long time. 

 But was it long enough? Since Hyunjin?

 You didn’t want to think about it.

 You looked over. Shifting your weight on either foot, and then, you noticed something. A car. A dingy car, a worn and aging car. But there was something. The tinted windows, the grips on the wheels. How shiny and fresh the rims looked. Before you could think, your fist was through the window, on his hair and pulling his head out the window. 

 “What the fuck are you doing here?”

 Jisung gasped, wiping the dripping blood off his chin. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, and he shouted, “Shit, give me a chance to explain, okay?”

 You let go, using the last of your self control to muster up some restraint. “Be my fucking guest.”

 “Sir Hwang, he- shit,” he wiped his nose again, “god, you punch hard.”

 “Get to the point Han, he what? Ordered you to watch me?”

 “Yes, but, I’m on your side.”

 You gave him a breathless laugh. “You honest to god expect me to believe that? Do you think that I’m that stupid? If you’ve told hat son of a bitch anything, fuck, Jisung, I swear I’ll kill you. And I won’t even think-.”

 “I know that you tried to kill yourself. And that Yugyeom stopped you. But Sir Hwang, he doesn’t. I just told him you’ve been losing your mind over killing someone. Some of it’s true.”

 The anger bubbled inside of you, the blood inside of your veins hot and burning. You started to breathe hard, your vision getting dizzy. It was too much. You didn’t want to talk about it. And you hated, you absolutely despised the idea that someone else, someone you didn’t choose, knew about what you were going through.

 “______, listen,” Jisung’s voice softened, “you’ve been going through a hard time. This, this is my way of helping you.”

 “What else do you know?”

“Nothing. I was assigned shortly after your assassination mission.”

 “I don’t believe you.”

 “I know. But you’re gonna have to trust me, we’re family.”

  Yugyeom had made his way to the behind of the car, hand on his hip, looking at you. You shook your head slightly, not moving your gaze from Jisung. You hadn’t even noticed him. 

 “You have all the reason to turn me in. Get a shiny golden star from Sir Hwang. Earn trust.”

 “You’re right. But, you and I, ____, we’re different. I want a life outside of here. I don’t,” his voice cracked, “I don’t want to hurt people anymore.”

 “I don’t want to see you ever again. This never happened, Jisung. Never.”

  “Listen to me, ____, listen,” Jisung got up, and opened the car door, and instinctively your hands flew to your hip, and you watched Yugyeom point the gun at him, “I am on your side. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you.”

 “Just leave, Jisung. Leave. Forget about me, forget about this. Stop following me.”

 “I can’t.”

 “Because he won’t let you.”

  Jisung gave you a bitter smile. “I know my limits.”

 “Limits only exist if you give them to yourself.”

 “That is exactly where we differ. But that’s why I need you.” Jisung sighed, sitting back in the driver’s seat, “But, I’ll do you one better. I’ll do anything you ask me to do,” he paused and gave you a pointed look, “within reason, of course.” 

 “I’ll think about it.” you paused, breathing in, “But for right now, I want you to leave. ” 

 The car drove off, and you watched. Yugyeom got up from his squatting position. He put his hand on your shoulder and rubbed the tension out. He turned to you, moving his hand to the nape of your neck, “Let’s get you warm, yeah?”

 “Yeah, we have work to do.”

 “Or,” Yugyeom dragged his r’s, “we could get some take out and watch a movie?”

 You smiled at him, and put your hand on his chest. “You’re hot, but not that hot.”

  Yugyeom scoffed, “Please, I’m temptation incarnate.”

  You snorted. “You’re so stupid.

 “Well, you kissed me, so what does that say about you?”

 “Hm,” you sighed, “I guess we’re both pretty dumb.”

 “Nah, you’re pretty dumb. I’m here with you. I tricked you somehow, and that’s my life’s work.”

 You didn’t think twice- you’re not sure you even thought about it. Just watching him talk, staring at his lips, all you could do was lean in to kiss him. Yugyeom slid his hands to your waist, pulling you closer against him. He felt warm against you, stilling the slight tremble you had from the cold. He eased into the kiss, almost like he had initiated it. You backed up suddenly, feeling insecure. 

 “I’m sorry,” you blurted, “I’m sorry for that, for everything.” 

  Yugyeom didn’t move, but instead pressed his forehead against yours, wrapped his arms tighter around your waist. “Don’t. I like, I love, kissing you. Being around you. I’m glad we met, despite the circumstances.”

 You wrapped your arms around his neck, and then buried your head in his chest. “I want to go home,” you murmured, “I want to leave, run, go away.”

 He held tightly to you, putting his head on top of yours, “We could, but I don’t think that’s what you want, is it?”

 You sighed, “I don’t know.”

 The sky remained dark, the clouds and angry shade of gray. The downpour began to lessen, but drizzled here and there, increasing in intensity every once in a while. You and Yugyeom sat in the backseat of the car for a while, listening to the soft sound of the rain. Despite the small space, you laid on top of Yugyeom, resting your head on his shoulders as he hummed quietly. 

 There was a quiet conversation, about simple, little things. Childhood stories. Yugyeom told more stories about his friends.

 “There was one time,” Yugyeom retold, “I wanted to see how many pizzas I could eat before I got sick. So, when I was closing one night, and everyone left, I ate as many as I could. I ate six full pizzas in one go. Took me three hours. I felt so sick. My dad found me the next day on the floor, clutching my stomach.”

 “Did you throw up?”

 “Yes. So much. You have no idea. I felt like pizza grease.”

 “You terrify me, ‘gyeom. That’s absolutely beastly.”

 “I am indeed a force to be reckoned with.”

 You laughed, “You’re as soft as a marshmallow, ‘gyeom, don’t lie.”

 He tilted your face up, holding your chin between his pointer finger and thumb, pressing soft kisses onto you, deepening exponentially. 

 “What if,” you murmured, “you went in and saw your dad? Would that…,” your voice trailed, “would it be selfish?”

 You would give anything to see your parents again. And you hoped, in the most fantastical of fantasies, if they could give you one last hug, that they would. 

 “God,” Yugyeom’s voice cracked, “I would. But it’s too dangerous. And it would only put me in danger. It would put you- put us- in danger.”

 You looked up at him with teary eyes, “We can come back. When things are okay. And you’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

 “Yeah. We’ll be okay.” He kissed you again, a sort of sad, nostalgia sitting as a taste on his tongue.

  You pulled away and Yugyeom pouted, leaning in for another kiss, “One more,” you stated, “and we need to get going.”

 “Or,” Yugyeom held down your waist, “we could wait the storm out. Kiss a little more…”

 “You have an obsession, ‘gyeom.”

 “More like an addiction,” he pressed your lips against yours, “but I am also so obsessed.”

 You shook your head, giving him one last kiss, “Ten minutes.”

 “Two hours.”

 “Thirty minutes.”

 “Two hours and forty minutes.”

 You raised your eyebrows, “An hour.”

 “Two and a half hours.”

 “Fine!”

 Yugyeom smiled, “I win,” his grip tightened around your waist as he sat himself up against the car door. He stared at you wordlessly, watching you with a quiet smile on his face. “Have I ever told you how pretty you are? How smart? How bad ass?”

 “Only every second of your existence, ‘gyeom.”

 “Well, you’re pretty. And smart. And so badass. I just thought I’d remind you.”

  Yugyeom drove later that night. It was so serene, a peace different than you were used to. It was lovely, watching as he drove over a bridge and you could see all the stars reflecting on the lake. The drive was pleasant. Your mind was kept busy by Yugyeom’s rambling, and you were thankful for it. Otherwise, you would’ve lost your mind.

 Or what’s left of it.

 Work the next morning was spent with wistful gazes from Hyunjin, and little notes of encouragement that he would send you. Whenever you would leave your desk, for one reason or another, he would leave sticky notes with doodles or a daisy. He was just trying to make you smile, but guilt was stirring inside of you.

 But you had things to do. Things that were bigger than this. Than him. Than Yugyeom. Than you. At least that’s what you were going to tell yourself until you were forced to make a decision. 

 But what was exciting was the detour you took after work. 

“Yeji Hwang,” you said loudly, smiling at her as you stopped her in the middle of the sidewalk, “Could you spare a moment of your time?

Yeji scrunched her eyebrows. “Do I know you?”

 “No, not at all.”

 Yeji scoffed, “Weird ass,” she turned and started to walk away.

 “But I take it you know Sir Hwang? And perhaps his son, Hyunjin?”

 Yeji turned on her heels, clutching her bag and you watched as she walked back, her high ponytail swinging and bouncing as she made her steps forward. “Why didn’t you start with that?”

 You smiled, “You didn’t give me the chance to speak.”

 She tapped her foot impatiently, holding on to her clutch bag, “You’re not the guy they usually send.”

 “Change of plans. Coffee?”

 She eyed you carefully, and you knew exactly the look. She was trying to figure you out. You kept your face slightly blank, a polite smile and crinkled eyes. Not finding anything that seemed awry, she nodded.

 “Coffee sounds good.”

 You opened the cafe’s door, letting Yeji step inside first. Yeji set her bag on the chair, the premium leather and pearl strings shining in the cafe light. Resting your chin on the bridge of your hands, you tilted your head and looked at Yeji.

 “You’re a cop. But you cover for us. Isn’t that slightly immoral?”

 “What’s that supposed to mean? Look, if you’re from internal affairs-,”

 You shook your head, lifting your hair, and showing her the nape of your neck. “I’m not from internal affairs. Just making small talk is all.”

 She glared at you, but smiled sweetly at the waiter who came to take the order. “I’d like an americano and your most expensive piece of cake.”

 You looked up at the waiter, “A latte please, and I’ll have the same cake.” 

 Yeji raised her eyebrows, and crossed her legs, “What’re you here for?” 

 “To make a deal.”

 “Care to elaborate?”

 You laughed, “See, you’re a cop, but a dirty one. I need you to assist me with something, I need you,” you paused, “to turn against Sir Hwang.”

She got up, the chair scraping against the floor. “Fuck you.”

You got up, poised, with your hands folded, “You could become a scandal real quick. All of the nation knowing that you cleared up the tracks of a gang- you know it would never get out that the Hwangs are a mafia? And that you did it for money? Better yet, do you think I don’t know about your father?”

 Yeji poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue. She pursed her lips and sat back down, the bag slamming down on the floor. A few moments of silence was shared by the both of you. You wanted it to sink in, to make it uncomfortable. You stared at her, blinking slowly, letting her know that you were watching her. 

 “I could leave. Tell Sir Hwang about some bitch trying to get me to go rogue.”

 You slid out your phone, letting the audio of your conversation play. “And I could go to the press with this. And the police. You think Sir Hwang is gonna associate with you after that? You think that any of the police, the press could come close to him?” you paused, “Hero cop, Hwang Yeji, turns out to be dirty. Accepting money from local gangs. You would never win.”

 You smiled at the waiter as he came and dropped off the cakes and coffee. 

 “You started out so noble, wanting money for your father, help him recover from cancer. And then Sir Hwang comes in with the offer of a lifetime, save your father and live comfortably? Who wouldn’t take that deal? But you think the press is gonna understand that? The nation will vilify you, Yeji. You’ll rot in prison, and your dad will die, and you will have no one.”

 You took a sip from your latte, and smiled, “Absolutely no one. Maybe the loneliness will get to you and you’ll hang yourself with your bedsheet.”

 “I’ll do it. Just,” her voice cracked, “stop talking, please.”

 “Pleasure doing business with you.”

 You got up, and pushed your cake towards her. “I’ll keep in touch. See you soon.”

 And she let you, didn’t even look up to watch you stride away, just stared into the coffee mug and listened to the sound of your heels clicking against the floor all the way ‘til the door. She continued staring into her cup, as you glanced at her through the cafe’s window.

 You never said you wouldn’t play dirty.

 But that didn’t mean you felt awful.

 Absolutely awful. You stared at yourself in the mirror, pulling your hair back, inching forward then backward. You were a bad person. You were turning into Sir Hwang, you were just the same. You looked at the fading scar you had, remembering his fingers, the coldness of the water. You could hear the heavy quietness, the stillness of the water. Breathing hard, you clutched your head, and dropped to the floor. It was becoming more of a routine. You, on the floor, crying, and Yugyeom comes in, picking you up and humming a song for you to calm down. 

 You don’t know why he put up with you. Good must outweigh the bad, you suppose, but you weren’t even sure about that.

 Does he pity you?

 Does he feel bad for you?

 Is he working for Sir Hwang?

 Sleep. That’s what you needed. You would get some sleep and it would be okay. You smiled- because you were good at pretending, you were the best at pretending. 

 Things were gonna be okay.

 You snuggled into Yugyeom’s warmth- closing your eyes. His heartbeat was like the background instrumentals, the chorus, and the melodies of your favorite song. It was like choir singing. Powerful and soft, warm but loud. He was comfort. 

  Another nightmare. Your mother, a necklace of rope dangling down her body and pooling at her feet. She held dried roses, and a pungent smell enveloped you. Rot, over ripe and dry. A riot of rot. You started to fall through the earth suddenly, in cold ocean water, the salt flooding and burning up your nose. You looked down, the green of earth staring back up at you. Your mind spun, the world upside down, the sky bleeding blue, water surrounding the earth. You clawed at your throat, staring into the blinding light that swallowed you up, you were drowning, drowning and no one was around to help you. And as soon as you embraced the idea of death, the ocean sky spat you down, back to reality, back to earth, in the midst of a field. Yeji stood at the end of the field, and you ran, the grass scratching your feet, the salt water dew browning the green. Almost, you were almost there, until you slammed against a mirror, shattering, the glass cutting you up as you screamed, the sound of crackling glass so much louder than you could ever be. A gun sat in your lap, as you sat in the shards of glass, and you then you were watching yourself. You watched, as your doppelganger watched too. Both of you raised your deep sea, black shaded guns, and then all you saw was red. And then nothing.

 You screamed as you were awake, kept screaming, even as Yugyeom held you and rocked you. You thrashed, crying and crying until you couldn’t, falling limp like a ragdoll. 

  It had been hours. 

 Yugyeom was asleep, clinging to you. He fell asleep long ago. You stared at the ceiling, a faint haunting echo in your ears. You felt like you were spiraling out of control. You slipped out of Yugyeom’s hold, against your better judgement, against your judgement in general. The floor was cold to your bare foot, sending a wave of shock up your body. You froze, suddenly underwater, feeling Sir Hwang’s hand pushing you underwater. Breaking through the water, the memory, you came to again.

 You were bigger than all of this.

 What you were doing was bigger than any of this.

 Suddenly you could breathe, taking a big breath of air, filling up your lungs like you never had. Electrified, sparks hitting ocean currents. 

 Things were gonna be okay.

 You dreaded going to work. It was particularly distressing. It wasn’t like the feelings you had for Hyunjin had completely gone away. It felt wrong. Hyujin was clearly trying so hard to get back on your good side. And you still loved him. But you loved Yugyeom too. 

 What was really the kicker is that this shouldn’t even have been on your mind. Absolutely not. What should’ve taken all your brain space is what else you could do to dismantle and abolish the system that Sir Hwang and his predecessors created. And you have been planning, really- you have. But guilt was eating you up inside. 

 But you were only human, right?

 You were allowed to feel these things right?

 You weren’t so sure.

 Yugyeom could tell something was up. He looked at you with a softer, more questioning gaze. “I’m okay,” you told him, “don’t worry about me. Things are gonna be okay.”

 It was more for you than for him, but it convinced him anyway. You tucked your blouse into your pencil skirt and buttoned the very last button. 

  “You look very pretty, ____.”

 “Ah,” you were spun out of your thoughts, “thank you. You look very pretty too.” 

 He came up and wrapped his arms around your waist and sat his head in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses along the nape.

 “I’m gonna be late!” you squealed, refusing him as he came up for a kiss.

 “Just one?” he asked, “One good kiss and I’ll let you go.”

 “No, sir,” you replied, turning your face towards him, “I know how you are. One turns into ten and next thing you know, you’ve convinced me to stay in and cuddle, and then-”

 Taking advantage of your complaining and rambling, Yugyeom stole a kiss from you. He was always able to catch you off guard somehow. You had to be the one to pull away and upon pulling away, you were met with a very smug ‘gyeom who was about to lean in again.

 “Nope!”

 You unraveled yourself from the rope of his arms, shaking your head, “You have no limits.”

 “And! We have to get going.” you went to collect your purse, “Or we’re going to be late, and I hate being late.”

 Succumbing to your desires, Yugyeom trailed after you, following you to the car. The ride was nothing different. You bid goodbye to him and went on your usual route to work. Thankfully, due to some speeding, you would still be slightly early. Despite your wariness to see Hyunjin, you still had morals.

 Or, what was left of them anyways. 

 You pushed the button for the floor on the elevator and tried to ease the anxiety that was building up inside of you. The doors opened and you hesitated before stepping out. And there he was, waiting at your desk, fixing a vase of flowers next to your computer. 

 “______!”

 “Hey.”

 “I, uh,” he stammered, “I got these for you.”

 You didn’t recognize the flowers, but they were a vibrant array of flowers. “They’re pretty,” you murmured, delicately touching the petals.

 Hyunjin tapped his fingers against his thigh and you relaxed. Looking up at him, you moved closer.

 “What’s gotten into you?”

 “I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”

 “Why now?”

 “Because I realized I’m not a little kid anymore. And because I love you, _____.” Hyunjin sighed, “And I know that’s not fair to say. You deserve to be angry at me. You deserve space. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if or when you’re ready.”

 “Okay.”

 “And,” he shifted on his feet, his fingers reaching for yours, but stopping mid air- he’d never been this shy to touch you, so you reached out and grabbed his hand, earning a smile, “if you wanted to join me for lunch.”

 You nodded, and he let go of your hands.

 Can you drown in guilt?

 The day passed quickly. A note from Jisung gave you some revolutionary information, and a note you dropped off at Changbin’s desk along with some useless photocopies organized set things into stone. 

 And you couldn’t wait.

 But first? You had to tackle lunch with Hyunjin. 

 The time rolled around, and the time on your computer glared back at you. You loved Hyunjin, that much you knew. But you didn’t love the complicated gestures of love and the delicate intricacies of it. You just wanted things to work out. You wanted things to be okay. You wanted the option to fall into your lap so you weren’t forced to make that decision.

 “_____?”

 “I’ll be right there, just give me a moment.”

 You got up and smoothed your skirt. Hyunjin was watching you move towards his office with a huge puppy smile on his face. Deciding that you were taking too long, he pulled you into his office. “I got pan fried dumplings,” he said happily, “I know how much you love them.”

 “I would give anything in the world to eat as many dumplings as humanly possible.”

 “You could do it. I believe in you.”

 “Physically, I am capable,” you laughed, “but emotionally? It would ruin me.”

 It was pleasant. Hyunjin respected your space, sitting at a distance from you as you shared food. He made jokes, and you laughed. But he was only human. He stared at your lips often, tapping his fingers. You were no mind reader, but you knew he missed you.

 You missed him.

 And the guilt was killing you.

 “_____?”

“Yes, Hyunjin?”

“Can we,” he asked softly, “can we start over? Can you give me another chance?” His voice wavered, “Can I kiss you?”

 “Kiss me?”

 He nodded, “Just on the cheek, if you want. I just- I just miss touching you.”

 “On the cheek.” you approved. You’d be lying if some part of you didn’t miss it too. “But I need time. And space to figure it- this- out.” 

 Hyunjin leaned towards you, closing the space and encompassing the air that separated the two of you. He pressed his lips against your cheek and lingered there for a moment. And then you caved, turning your face towards him- and kissing him for real this time. Like you once did, and god, you’d be lying if you didn’t like it. That you didn’t love him. That it was just like the last kiss you remembered, just as good- if not better.

But you pulled away, and he looked so happy. 

 “We better eat,” you murmured.”

And eat you did. So much for figuring things out.

 You picked up Yugyeom, and he looked so excited to see you. “Tonight,” he clapped, “tonight is the big night and the start of our mission.”

 “You’re gonna meet a lot of new people, Yugyeom. And I’m scared that they’re not as trustworthy as they make themselves seem. But I need your hands.”

 “Hey,” his voice grew soft, “we’ve been over this. It’s gonna be okay.”

 It was late at night when you and Yugyeom climbed into the van. No one spoke. No one said anything. The van drove off, then stopped at where you needed to be. Your heart was still. You knew that you were trained for extreme situations, situations like this one. But it still surprised you. Does everyone else feel this way? Entirely calm? Not the slightest bit of anxiety?

 You were the first to climb out of the van, the gun not even heavy on your back. It was just an extension of yourself. The gun wasn’t the weapon.

 You were.

  It was like a switch had been flicked. You moved quickly and quietly. Blending into the darkness, you forgot that you were a human and not some machine of terror. It was like walking on air, walking on water, even. The AR that sat on your hip wasn’t heavy, almost like it was included in your own weight. You led the way, making your way to the center of the maze. You were sure it was intentional. It was exciting in a morbid way,  

  It shouldn’t have been so easy, the way you disarmed those men, the way you could make them crumple onto the floor like rag dolls. And in retrospect, it was scariest the way you didn;’t even think about it. It was something more, something less than instinct. You didn’t think twice, you didn’t even think about it. They became nothing more than a target, nothing more than something to get past. Taking the lead came natural, guiding the others through the maze. And then, after countless obstacles, there was the safe, the motherfucking jackpot. 

 Yugyeom and Jisung took out the several men standing in front of the gate, while you and Changbin worked on the locks. It took a few minutes, which was frustrating, but it could’ve been worse. Each lock only had one try before everything confined was dropped through the floors and sent away. To where, you only had a vague idea. Each one of the locks was a long series of random numbers, increasing in length each time. 

   Jeongin stood over your hunched figure, watching Jisung and Changbin carefully. His expression was dark and the gun was pointed ever so slightly. You’d never seen him like this. 

 Finally, a latch opened, and without thinking, you jumped down. You rolled onto your feet, and froze once you heard a loud click. The long corridor before you was lighting up with fluorescent lights. Something felt off. You looked over at Jeongin and watched as Changbin dropped down, and raised your eyebrows at them. Changbin starts to cross towards you but Jeongin separates the two of you with his gun. You let Jeongin and Changbin work it out and trek forward. Your steps are light, but you run anyhow. It wasn’t a trap. Not exactly. 

 Your breath caught in your throat. It was good. Almost too good. You breathed deeply, and your heartbeat slowed. You got this. 

 You got this.

 You got this. 

  And there it was. The last door. The plan you were given was slightly off, but considering that none of them had ever been here, the mistake was forgivable. You crouched down, staring at the metal door. It was just a latch. It seemed deceitful in a sense. But there was nothing wrong. Nothing entirely. You extended your hand, and in it, Yeji placed down a disposable camera. Holding in a breath, you unclasped it, and opened the door.

 And there it was.

  Cocaine fucking heaven. 

   But, of course, there were at least a dozen security enforcers just in your sight. Armed and dangerous, and hoping to get to blow someone’s head off on their shift to make the time go by.

And boy, they weren’t happy to see you.

 You let go of the breath you were holding, and moved quickly. The gunfire was almost serenading you. There was something festering in you- the adrenaline maybe. The hot blood coursing through your veins, your heart beat seeming to slow down, thumping in your ears like white noise. You lead the way, your gun aimed and shooting only to disarm.

 No deaths, you repeated in your head, I can not make that decision. 

 No deaths.

 No deaths.

 No deaths.

 You heard a cry, and started walking backward, letting who you assumed to be Chan take the lead. And all you could think of as you retreat is, please don’t be dead. You found Jeongin slightly limping, and he shook his head, nodding his head towards the front of the group. You signaled for Jisung to stay and guard the back, as you made the way back to the front, letting bullets rain as you moved. You turn to check on Yeji, taking pictures of all the packs of cocaine and such. She seemed fine, even giving you a thumbs up to confirm. Bodies dropped like flies, and you didn’t even think about it. 

 You were scaring yourself. 

 But even so, you couldn’t stop. Not now, not with how close you were. Above the drugs, there sitting high on the wall, was a number nine. You pulled out your disposable, and snapped a couple pictures. Now, you had to get out, and get out quick. Yugyeom and Chan had retreated to the maze. Since you hadn’t heard from Changbin, you assume the coast was clear, but there was an increasingly large fear in the back of your mind. 

 Then, it happened before you could process. A flurry of gunshots rang out, and you felt the floor before you knew what it was. You could feel the bullet in your leg.

 If it doesn’t get out of you soon- and by soon, you mean right the fuck now- you were gonna die. You crawled, somehow, behind the stacked pounds of paraphernalia. You could feel it expanding. You could only be grateful that it wasn’t a main artery. Resting your head against the paraphernalia you pulled up your black leggings, and felt around your calf. Just scathing. 

 You’re okay, it was just a scathe.

 Hollow Point. It was a Hollow Point. And if you don’t move- if you don’t move right the fuck now-

 You scrambled on your feet, moving fast as you could. Yeji had left. 

 They had left you behind. 

[ficsnroses]

Friends With Benefits Part 4 - Keanu Reeves x Reader

Chapter IV ~ Her Name Seeps From His Lips.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

I’m so sorry this sucks but I promise promise promise chapter 5 will be good.

Word Count : 3362

Warnings : NSFW, 18+ content. Masturbation. 

Series Summary : What happens when two, lonely friends start seeing and confiding in each other for sex? A tricky friends with benefits love story, when feelings get in the way.

A/N : Y’all I’m not a guy but I tried okay. I hope you enjoy this chapter, friendios 🖤

Keanu and you had an unspoken bond to each other. In fact, your entire relationship, which started off as just friends, only came to be because you appealed to each other. You appreciated each other’s company above all, especially due to the fact neither of you had ever had much interest in the mass of social crowds.

Sex only became part of the equation well after. You were friends, before friends with benefits. 

Of course, the sex stuck around because of how mind blowing it always was. Neither of you meant for it to, but it had become routine. Needless to say, Keanu and you had a very frequent and healthy sex life together. Your need to satisfy each other only grew with time, almost becoming religion.

•

As Keanu collapses on his bed, propping his feet up, he can hear the faint sound of the misty LA rain out his window. December in LA tends to be wetter than the rest of the months, the days shorter and gloomier than before. The steady drumming on the window feels nice. Its calm, serene, contrasting to the intensity of the work week thus far.

Naturally, when Keanu hadn’t seen you in over a week, he found himself missing you. A lot. You had suddenly left the morning after your steamy midnight session a week prior. The morning you showed Keanu the galaxies alike, woke him up in the most sinful of ways with your gorgeous little mouth. The morning Keanu and you had ventured out together for plan B. The same morning the media caught you at brunch.

Keanu and you hadn’t met up since that day, which left him feeling very unsettled. With Christmas approaching rather soon, Keanu had planned to spend more time with you this week. He wanted to have a movie night or two, or perhaps take you out to a nice dinner. He knew your family was back home, and you didn’t have anyone in LA to spend the holidays with. Keanu understood that. He felt lonelier than usual around the holidays as well. He thought you could use each other around this time.

Keanu always tried his best to show you how much he valued you. Your relationship was a special case…for sure. But it worked for you. It was always his priority to make sure you never felt used. For Keanu, you weren’t solely just his fuck buddy. You were one of his best friends, a woman he respected, appreciated, and cared for deeply. He’d seen you at your most vulnerable. How could he not feel so deeply connected to you? The intimacy you shared together was precious. He often found himself reflecting on just how beautiful it really was. Just how lucky he really was to have you fill his needs, and to be able to fulfill yours.

However, the week hadn’t gone as planned so far. Keanu and you were normally very active. You both always managed to make the time to see each other, to be with each other. You hadn’t been intimate in a week. Each time he proposed, you had rubbed him off, claiming a busier workload, or just being plain tired.

That didn’t seem like Y/N though, and Keanu knew that. In fact, normally when she was tired, Y/N wanted Keanu to please her even more. They did that a lot for each other, when one needed relief, the other would work harder to give them the release they so desperately craved, whether it was just a brief pop in for a quickie at her office or his trailer, or a long, steamy evening at one of their houses, where they left each other gasping for air by the end of it, their skin sticking together as if bound as one, their lips shaping, dripping each other’s names.

Gosh, it had been a week since Keanu had had any sort of release. A week of tense, diligent, exhausting training without Y/N to make him feel good. He’d craved her body this past week, almost as if reciting a prayer, he so desperately needed to be heard.

Y/N was amazing, to make an understatement. She was as gratifying as a siren, an enchantress with her body, so skilled, so perfect. He had had her a hundred times, which may be what lead him to become so addicted to her. The feeling of her, all of her wrapped around him, the feeling of her soft, delicate hands running over his calloused skin, the linger of her warm breath.

The way her warm, velvety, sinfully wet tongue felt lapping around him, the way her shallow bobs could almost take him whole.

Keanu hadn’t realized himself palming at a growing bulge in his sweatpants, gradually leaning against the headboard of the bed, eyes drifting closed with a mural of Y/N clouding his mind.

Before Y/N, Keanu used to relieve himself often. He hadn’t been in a real relationship in years, and one night stands weren’t too frequent in his busy schedule. Not to mention, he was never too fond of one night hookups. He enjoyed feeling an emotional connection to his partner, liked the added sensation it brought to know the woman taking him is someone who cares for him, and not just another brag to the world of sleeping with movie star, Keanu Reeves.

He began groping his bulge unknowingly, his pants undoubtedly growing tighter and tighter at the thought of Y/N. Keanu’s sex drive was rather high for a man his age, although he was never much of one to act on it. Of course, until Y/N came along. She had always been there to help him when he needed it, happy to give him the ecstasy he so desperately wanted.

With a bite of his bottom lip, Keanu slips his hand into the waistband of his sweats, feeling over his sensitive skin. He hadn’t done this in a while; he hadn’t needed to. But it had been 8 days, not that he was counting. 8 days without any release. 8 days without Y/N.

Kicking off his sweats, Keanu positions himself comfortably in his bed, the rain at the window still pelting away. His eyes catch the splatter of tiny water globes, sprayed across the glass. There’s so many of them, thousands if he tried to count, millions. Numbers, quantities, digits. It’s a funny thing to think of how much of so much there is of everything in the world. So much love, so much admiration, so many people.

Yet here he was, on a cold, rainy day, alone. Feeling more alone than he had in a while. He wondered what Y/N was doing in that moment. If she had thought about him as much as he thought about her this past week.

He pulls out his cock to the sound of the rain getting heavier, the sleet downpour thumping on the roof, almost entwining with the beat of his heart racing faster by the second, blood pumping to his lower. Wrapping his palm sloppily around his base, Keanu pumps himself full, base to shaft, leisurely, up and down a few times. His hooded eyes trace down and see his girth growing bigger and bigger through the touch.

A light moan escapes his lips at the sensation. It’s not the same as having Y/N’s tight, dripping cunt engulfed around him, but its something. Something to feel. He reaches over to the bedside table into the drawer, for a bottle of hand cream he keeps available. He hates to admit it, but its kept for times like this. It hadn’t seen the light of the bedroom for a while, not since Y/N had been coming around. But Y/N wasn’t there today, leaving the timeworn, guilt ensuing hand cream to accompany him through the deed. He felt pathetic, pitiful on himself.

But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Not when he needed this so bad. Squirting a dime sized amount onto his palm, he jerks himself whole. A low groan stumbles from his lips as he strokes his entire length, his thumb swirling over the tip of his cock, smearing droplets of clear, gooey pre cum over his head. He closes his eyes, trying to remember the feel of Y/N’s plump, moist lips swirling him, the sounds of her tiny gags as she took him in and out.

His cock begins twitching, sending shudders through his nerves. He begins pumping himself harder, tighter, faster, grunts and low moans sashaying out of his mouth with each jerk. With his spare hand, he brings it down to toy with his balls, massaging, kneading to add to the pleasure.

“Fuck…oh fuck…Y/N, baby..” your name slips from his mouth, the thought of you fogging his mind as he worked expertly with his hands on himself. He was a bit rusty, but it all came back once his hunger for relief overtook all his senses. He begins adding twists into the combination, trying to simulate the feel of any part of your body on him, making him feel so good the way you always do, the way you so proficiently bring him to the edge with ease, as if second nature.

He feels himself close, his cock twitching, throbbing, pulsating as he yanks himself, your name habitually falls from his mouth in sinful baritone. Keanu had never met a woman that had reduced him to a moaning mess like this before, he’d never dreamt of a women making him feel this way, the way he hardened instantly at the thought of you.

He had always needed something to get him going before you, a video, a magazine, anything. He was surprised at the effect you had on him, he had no idea it was that strong until this moment.

“Y/N…oh Y/N. Fuck.” Keanu growls, whimpering as he pumps himself to the edge. Grabbing a cluster of tissues off the bedside table, while simultaneously stroking himself faster and faster, he reaches his climax, his silky, creamy, succulent release shooting into his tissue equipped hand.  

With a string of moans, he felt himself lighten at the vast amount of seed he’d released, the tissue heavier and heavier until he drained himself completely. Panting, with a thin line of sweat glazed across his forehead, his head falls back, relaxing, breath heavy.

He lets the tissues fall to the floor, as he rests his eyes, chest raising and falling gradually. He’s cleared his mind, his release so powerful, but never the same. Not what you could give him. As his cock falls flaccid, he brings his forearm to rest over his head, surprised at how easily he had just masturbated to the thought of you.

The rain hasn’t stopped. Its been complemented by gradual rumbles of thunder. The day is only growing darker and darker, mirroring the way his chest felt in that moment. He missed her, he missed her a lot. Y/N was his friend, not just someone he had sex with. Why had she left so suddenly that morning? Why hadn’t she wanted to meet up this week? Had he done something? He couldn’t shake the feeling. But he needed her. He needed to see her, if not be with her. He needed to know she was okay, and that there wasn’t something wrong in her life for her to keep herself so occupied, so deserted from him.

He reaches over to check the time on his phone.

4:00pm. Y/N wouldn’t be home from work until at least 6:00pm.

He decided he should check up on her tonight. Scarce text messages hadn’t been cutting it, and she hadn’t answered any of his phone calls recently. This wasn’t like her at all. He needed to hear from her in person. It wasn’t about wanting sex or her body, he wanted to be there for her in case something was terribly wrong. Y/N was an independent woman, headstrong and assertive. She wouldn’t boast or cry about her sorrows to anyone. Not even him. That’s why he needed to make sure she was okay. He needed this for peace of his own mind.

She was one of the most important people in his life after all. She took priority over a lot of other people in his life.

•

As evening falls over the LA coast, Keanu finds himself driving to Y/N’s apartment further into town. The tar black sky hadn’t finished its showery monsoon onto the city. Everywhere he looked, he saw colourful umbrellas sprawled about, peppering the town with specs of reds, yellows, some blues, some grays. Beads of water trickled down each of his car windows, slightly blurring the sight of the city folk continuing in on their day.

He couldn’t help but notice couples hand in hand, walking together under scattered umbrellas. It must be nice to share such a limited space with someone, such an intimate setting, shielding each other from the downpour.

Pulling into Y/N’s parking garage, Keanu paces up, into the elevator, an unopened bottle of Y/N’s favourite red in hand, wrapped in a brown paper bag. His black leather jacket is speckled with rain dewdrops, his hair a little damper than when he had left from his house. He hoped Y/N wouldn’t mind. He often found himself wondering if Y/N cared about how he looked. If she found him…attractive. Or something like that.

With a ring of the bell on her floor, he hears Y/N’s voice over the buzz of the apartment door.

“Who is it?” her soft, tuneful voice asks. It was so fucking nice to hear her voice after a week long hiatus.

“Hey, its me. Keanu.”

After a momentary pause, he hears a jingle of the lock, and the door opened to reveal Y/N. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a loose v neck shirt and some sleeping shorts. He can tell she hasn’t got a bra on underneath, not that he meant to look there.

“Hey, come in. Sorry, my place is kinda a mess and I look horrible. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” She shrugs, running a hand over the back of her head, closing the door behind him.

“It’s fine. You look nice.” Keanu assures her. “It’s Friday, thought we could leisure a little.” Keanu chuckles, holding up the bottle.

Keanu swore he saw a twinkle in her eyes, complemented by a curl of lips into a small smile on face. However, it dropped so slightly, her eyes falling a little. He swore he saw it, no matter how brief.

“Yeah, sounds like a great idea. Thanks for coming, Ke.” She offers him a smile, patting his bicep. After a slight contemplation, she nods her head and goes in for a hug. Keanu was her friend, and despite her feeling a bit weird lately about their relationship, she couldn’t deny the fact that she loved the care he showed for her. Why did he always have to be so god damn thoughtful? Why couldn’t they just be fuck buddies who just fuck? He probably didn’t think much of his nice gestures. He was just that much of a wonderful, compassionate, considerate gentleman. He did these things for everyone he knew. He treated everyone with this much love.

Keanu wrapped his spare arm around her, pulling her in close, and planting a kiss on her cheek. Y/N didn’t know how to feel about that. She did feel…something…when he did that. But she knew she needed to shake away those feelings. It was just sex. They were together for just sex. They’re not in a romantic relationship. She doesn’t come home to him everyday. She doesn’t get to wake up to him every morning. She doesn’t get the anniversary dinners or the casual nights in, enjoying each others company. This man wasn’t her boyfriend. He doesn’t feel that way for her.

Pulling away from him, she asserts herself. Tonight needs to establish, emphasize that their relationship is just physical. She’ll be sure of it. The second they start behaving in any way that normal friends with benefits don’t, she’ll draw the line. She’s sure of it.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll grab the bottle opener and a couple of glasses.” She smiles at him, before trailing into the kitchen, Keanu behind. He shrugs off his coat in the process.

“You been away lately. Everything okay?” he asks, setting himself down on a bar stool in her kitchen, resting his head on his hand leaning on the counter.

“Yeah. Just been taking up some extra projects.” She replies, avoiding eye contact, pouring the wine into two glasses for them.

“I was worried. You barely kept in touch. Thought something was wrong.” Keanu empathized. He made sure to let her know that she was on his mind. He hadn’t thought of it as “not a big deal.”

“All good. Only thing to worry about is this horrendous look I’m flaunting right now.” She laughed, gesturing down to her attire. Y/N usually tried her best to look good for Keanu, she wanted him to want her. Wanted him to think she looked good.

Sliding over the glass to Keanu, Y/N holds her glass in the air, gesturing a “cheers” before taking a sip.

“I’ll keep saying it, Y/N. You look good. You always look good, honey.” He smiled, making direct eye contact. There it was again. The thing he did to her. Y/N pauses for a moment, getting lost in his eyes. She shakes herself out of her trance, walking closer to him, setting her glass down. She needed to draw the line. This was the time for that.

She positions herself in font of him, grabbing hold of his collar. With lust in her eyes, she lowers her gaze.

“Do you wanna…” she starts her sentence, trailing off as she bites her lip, staring him right in the eyes. Keanu’s taken back, she normally isn’t this way, she never initiates sex out of the blue. Not when they’re just spending time together, like they do often.

But he couldn’t help the bulge that threatened to grow in his pants. Y/N was in just some booty shorts and a loose top, sans bra. Her breasts looked so firm, perfectly plump resting on her chest. Gosh, he loved those fucking breasts, loved the way they provided a safe haven for him to rest his head when he was on top of her, thrusting in and out, the way they practically melt in his touch. So warm, so inviting. Just like Y/N looked right now. 

“Y/N, we don’t have to, I’m here to just…yenno, check up. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. If you’re not in the mood, I’m okay. We can do it another time.” Keanu rambled, watching her every move as she began lowering her shirt off, exposing a bare shoulder. Her skin looked so dewy, so soft for the taking.

“No, I want to. It’s been a while, Keanu.” She mumbled, running her hands over his chest as he still rest on the bar stool, waiting for him to say yes, as she eyed his lips. “I want you.” She whispered, lips close to his ear, grazing over the thick skin.

She felt his hands plant themselves on her waist, as her hand cruised the inside of his thigh. She could see him growing harder, his pants tightening as she threatened to run her hand over his crotch.

“You know I can’t say no to you, darling.” Keanu murmured, attaching his lips to her jaw.

Y/N’s eyes went dark with the words that escaped his mouth. It had been a while. She missed the way he filled her up so fucking well, the way she’d be left sore and throbbing after he was finished, the way her thighs would stick together with what he left behind.

She was going to make him see the stars tonight; she was sure of it. She was his fuck buddy, and she was going to be the best at just that. Make him forget the world behind them.

Grabbing his hand off her hip, she guides it into the waistband of her pants, never breaking eye contact with him.

He had no idea 

what he was in for. 

>>Chapter 5>>

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