#(it really says something if they would die for you btw considering how terrified they are of dying)

[ruegarding]

Hey, quick question if you don't mind me asking, what were your thoughts on Chalice of the Gods?

overall, i wish rick stopped at toa like he said he was going to. the more rick adds, the more the world-building suffers as a result. that being said, i didn't completely hate cotg like i thought i would. there's a few good moments, but, in general, it reads like a cash-grab.

let's start with the good. percy has some of the most in-character moments he's had in the universe since pjo.

percy's confrontation w geras was so good that i actually wish this was part of percy's character arc in hoo. percy spent almost all of pjo knowing he was going to die—he saw the fates cut the string in tlt and in som he put together what the prophecy meant: he was going to die either at or before 16. and this is exactly why this confrontation works and why i think it's better than new rome. new rome can protect a demigod from monsters, not from fate. percy wasn't scared of monsters. if he was, he would've stayed at chb year-round.

and i really like that geras was willing to entertain percy bc he had turned down godhood. like the first time percy ever thinks abt immortality seriously (in botl) this is what he has to say:

so immortality is fundamentally at odds w percy's character bc he defines himself so thoroughly w the ppl he loves. and this is exactly what allows him to get through to geras! it's such a good exploration of percy's character and the future he's now able to consider.

similarly, this section

is more in-character than almost all of hoo. this is a prime example of how percy's loyalty works and addresses how it's misconstrued in fandom. percy has a desire for freedom, and that desire informs how he respects ppl. percy's loyalty isn't a possessive "i won't let you do this" bc he will, he will always let someone make their own choice at the end of the day bc it's what he would want. and this was actually established in tlt, when sally says "you're enough like me to understand" and asks percy to let her save herself. so percy lets bianca fight talus, he lets nico walk away, he gives luke the knife, he lets ganymede choose his own story, even when he disagrees w it. and this is why percy's arc in hoo sucked! rick tried to give percy the typical hero complex, but it's contradictory w percy's character. so when i saw this passage i was so relieved. i thought this part of percy died w pjo.

also, to talk abt someone other than percy, this moment

is good. i love this abt annabeth.

and grover saying the hardest thing is sitting by and not being able to do anything. bc grover is usually in a support role and he wasn't there at all in hoo. i also like that percy is confronted w the fact that he's not expendable. thumbs up from me.

the bad...i'm just going to keep short bullet points.

what even is this plot

it doesn't work as part of pjo and yet it's marketed as the sixth book in the series

why is zeus a disney villain. i hate everything abt it

the inconsistencies...annabeth's cap...why are we continuing to treat percy like he's disinterested in learning??? also. what do you mean you're not allowed at camp after you turn 18? WHAT DO YOU MEAN????? this was not a thing. and wasn't rhea in hiding or something?? now she's casually having brunch?

there's too much "percy is the stupid bf and annabeth is the competent gf who takes care of him." i hated every second of this. also annabeth is disabled. her being intelligent does not remove her disability. she struggles.

i rbed that post abt disaster cook annabeth and good cook percy and i stand by that.

the power monologue makes no damn sense (and another addition by op in the tags)

no seriously i'm begging someone to have a real conversation and understand percy is terrified of how powerful he is. i've been waiting for this since botl. WHICH WAS PUBLISHED IN 2008 BTW

i'm not a huge estelle or paul fan. like they're fine they're just not compelling.

the only time i feel sally and percy have the same connection as they had in tlt is when they're alone. this is a problem i've had for a while, but cotg does not fix it. when paul and annabeth are in the equation, it feels like percy is the outsider.

in summary, cotg is like a fanfic i would leave kudos for being a good percy character study despite having questionable moments. except it's canon. and these questionable things affect the world-building.

[eosofspades]

Something always confused me about the messages Cayde left to his 'killers'. Like, while he could be annoying at times, I just don't see, say, Ikora or the Guardian killing him. Could you clear it up for me?

not sure what prompted this ask, but i would LOVE to talk about Cayde let's go

to me, the thing about Cayde that a shockingly small amount of people seem to understand is that this guy is deeply self-loathing. the best way i've ever seen it summed up is "he was a terrified man who was mostly terrified of himself." (you can read that post here btw.)

Cayde blames and guilts himself for so much. Andal becoming the Vanguard, Andal dying, Taniks not staying dead, making up Ace and his Queen, not remembering Ace and his Queen, probably the Red Legion attack on the Last City (i think it might have been written somewhere that satellites/security was his job, but don't quote me on that) - he's constantly running away from his problems and responsibilities, and when he isn't, he's doing everything he can to try and fix them himself (e.g., one-man suicide mission plan to kill Ghaul.)

moreover, his entire jokester persona is so deeply ingrained into his identity that he genuinely doesn't know if anyone even knows him. in his message to Ikora he says he wasn't even sure if she ever liked him, and Ikora confides to the Guardian that she considered him one of her closest friends.

as such, i think it's completely reasonable within his character for him to assume, somehow, that there could be a reason for Ikora or the Guardian to kill him. he doesn't consider himself integral to the Vanguard "team," and, by extension, to the City. he would like them to like him, of course, but even if they like the lax, aloof, jokester persona he puts on - he doesn't know if they like him. he doesn't even seem confident that anyone would like the real him.

so, if they had to kill him for whatever reason - "the good of the City," because he messed something up, because he did something terrible, some kind of Darkness-corruption (him or them), maybe even if he was just that insufferable and they'd finally had enough - he thinks of himself so lowly that he wouldn't really be able to blame them. (in most of his audios he even sort of has a reason planned - he pissed off Eris badly enough, Zavala had to kill him for the good of the City, the Guardian saved him on Nessus so he "owed it to them anyway" - i think that he carries so much guilt and exhaustion, especially with regards to everything that happened to Andal, that, on some level, he feels like he deserves it.)

so, in regards to your question, sure, WE can't imagine Ikora or the Guardian killing him, but we are the audience, and Cayde doesn't have any idea as to how anyone else might feel about him when the chips are down.

(in fact, life on the line, if someone had to die, i doubt Cayde would even let it be anyone in the City but him. i have a whole post planned about Forsaken + themes of sacrifice, but his whole "Not if I get there first," followed by personally sailing down into a deadly explosion (even with a Ghost) is very indicative of this and a much broader sort of self-sacrificial-ness, but that's... a much longer post.)

[amethystfairy1]

hi I'm back again already lol, bc u really ought to know all the great things about ttsbc that I was too lazy to write out last time lmao.

Also! totally fine that ur not doing skizzpulse, you should write what inspires/motivates you (personally very motivated by them xD I've written ~90k words of skizzpulse myself rip)

Anyways, good things! You! you're the good things! I honestly can't remember when I last sent an ask in for the lil guys, so I'm just gonna say something I loved about each of their recent arcs.

First, Treebark. There's been so many identity reveals but I think this has been my favorite thus far. Ren going all protective boyfriend and fighting over Martyn was SO GOOD, plus soft kisses and they can just hold hands now without Ren being afraid he'll figure it out. Also loved Martyn seducing his entire family while being terrified out of his mind by big dog people with knives, like, I'd be a little out of it too. but the fam doesn't even notice but Ren did and is all supportive and comforts him, offers to take him home. I love how well they can read each other, like they're just in tune. they're soulmates, your honor. and, AND this means we can have double dates where they all know now! so excited :)))))

Zedango. this is what started me reading your stuff (the first fic I ever wrote was actually my own tt zedango ficlet, btw. that feels like an eternity ago now) I love how they've simultaneously progressed and devolved into slightly unhealthy relationship territory. something about not everything being perfect all the time just adds so much depth and realism to their relationship, as well as keeping the plot tense without feeling like you're making up problems just to have something to write about. AND THEN Tango doing the blazeborn courtship rituals was just so aaaaaaaa (THEY"RE SO ADORBSABLEEE) Tango setting aside his disgust with his claws to take care of Zed even tho its uncomfortable for him, and then Zed recognizing that and having all the warm fuzzy fondness for his bf was so sweet. Doc's notes about the rituals were on point, with how he reassures Tango that they're normal, healthy things and saying he's always open to having a conversation about it. (tho, i doubt Tango's ever taken him up on that offer lmao)

The other fic that's been in my head is ur most recent one, Handshakes and Headaches. I highly doubt we'll get a cub reveal in this next chapter, but ig we'll see soon enough. I loved how Cub just knew instantly that Grian was a hybrid and was just going in spirals putting it together that he was cuteguy, then him coming to the wrong conclusion about whether Scar knew, too, was just perfect. Tho, if he did think Scar knew and was cool with it, I wonder what he'd do first? Tell Scar his own secret, guess Grian's secret in front of them? I feel like he would think the safe thing would be to confront Scar about Grian being Cuteguy, and then if/when Scar admits it and says he's cool with it, Cub would feel safe(r) revealing his own identity. Maybe not right away, but sometime. Also, that would mean everyone in Hot Cave knows about hybrids and undercity, so he wouldn't have to glamor while he works (tho, that would also require revealing to Zed... they don't seem super close, but it's kinda obvious that Zed's chill w/ the undercity people, considering he's dating Tango and Cub knows that).

Also! now that Hypno knows G and Scar are safe, I really wanna see him revealing to Scar and Scar being all supportive and stuff :)))) Hypno wasn't someone I knew I needed in this world, but I'd die for him now. (ALSO the casual mention that his scales are dry and flaky rather than smooth and taken care of??? Hello?????? Someone get him some proper self-care ASAP, maybe take him swimming at a private pool or something idk. I feel like the moment Scar knows, he's going to be on it with the cookies and love and support. so excited hehehe)

anyways, I'm probably forgetting something, but whatever. I'll be back with more art soon (maybe I draw Hypno, since I've never done that before and electric eel hybrid sounds cool. Actually, I've decided, I'm gonna do it now. remind me what that looks like pls? or I go reread, whichever happens faster lol)

Ok that's all, have a good day!

I LOVE THE RAMBLESSSSS

Petition to get Hypno a private pool 😆

I'm so glad you love the slightly unhealthy but also very loving Zedango situation we have going on!

I LOVED YOUR TT ZEDANGO FIC! I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL!!!! 😭 /j you don't have to write one if you don't wanna BUT KNOW THAT I LOVED IT!

Ren being a protective boyfriend is all I need sometimes! It's just good fun! Thank you so much for telling all about everything!!!

I would actually LOVE to see how you would design Hypno if you do feel like drawing him! That sounds amazing! Electric Eel hybrid time!!!! 💖

[bunnyshideawayy]

and since i’m yapping i wanna quickly rant about how stupid and selfish the Feysand death pact is.

yes, i know losing a mate would be devastating for the other. yes, i know Feyre and Rhys watched each other die and were put through hell together. that still doesn’t change my mind. what they did was selfish, for more reasons than just it leaving Nyx orphaned and heartbroken. (btw do we know the timeline for aging as a fae? like do they grow up like humans do until they reach like 20 something and just stop aging for a while? lmk)

Feyre and Rhys are high lady and high lord of the night court, they have the court and its people to consider. what would happen to if they should die together? who would rule the NC if Nyx was to young to become high lord? who would protect Nyx and Velaris? News flash, it wouldn’t be the IC. the only one who stands a chance politically would be Mor, who is Keir’s daughter and Rhys’s cousin, but Cas and Az would be left with no official court positions. Rhys is barely keeping the Illryians in line, should he die they will revolt and Cas and Az will not be able to handle that idc how powerful they are. Amren wouldn’t be able to do much politically i don’t think she is even known outside the NC. Cas and Az have little to no respect from the other courts, they’d maybe have the help of the Summer and Day courts- that’s it. Keir would probably try to become HL of the NC if Nyx is still to young and he would have the entire support of the CON. if that happened Nyx, Mor, any of the IC would never be safe. Nesta and Elain, too. Just rhys dying would drastically change the political landscape, losing both he and feyre would be catastrophic. 

Now onto Nyx.

I know feyre and rhys didn’t expect to actually get pregnant so soon but they made the pact then decided to try for kids, that is also selfish and irresponsible. idc if they thought it would take 200 years to get pregnant, idc if they didn’t expect the wigs, they still made the pact and knew the consequence of having a kid would mean one of them would have to stay behind to take care of them even if they were grieving! “well mates are different!” do you really think feyre and rhys are the first and only mated pair in pyrithian history? i’m sure there has been someone who lost their mate and still pushed through for their kid(s). it was a desperate thing to do and love makes you desperate. i get it and i don’t expect these deeply traumatized characters to be perfect but i DO expect us as readers to see stupid, and say stupid. it’s obvious even they regret their pact after the pregnancy. so we can all drop this act, what they did was selfish and that’s okay! they made a blind and short sided decision that will have incredible, negative consequences should it ever happen. not just for them and their family, but for their entire court and the entire island of pyrthian, maybe even world, maybe even universe given its now canonly connected to the CC universe. thank the mother they both have way to much plot armor so we don’t have to worry about losing either of them. but the possibility is terrifying!

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 2 Pt. 1

Miscellaneous stupid little thoughts for this volume again! Yippee!

...dude kills people with a saxophone. Okay then. Sure. I will incorporate this into my belief system.

This guy actually tried to warn them... the Gung-Ho Guns are actually really interesting. I hope to see some expansion on their individual motives.

LEGATO WTF. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.

I swear he gets cuter in every volume. Look at him.

I would love to know where the GHG get their outfits from... are they like. Coordinating? Is leather in style? Ok, really though, I'm fascinated by the way Knives has... well... knives (or maybe spears?) that almost look like they are piercing his neck, and a big one that looks like it runs straight through his chest. Pointy bits to keep people away from his vulnerable throat and heart, I suppose? A mask to cover his face? Idk. His outfit is certainly a look.

"I just can't catch a break," Midvalley says, in what is a very normal reaction to being forcibly contorted in half on the floor.

They are such idiots together. Bless.

You walk up to someone, he tries to kill you with a sword then tells you he and his beleaguered assassin coworkers are there to cause you eternal suffering. Wdyd?

Hm. That's called sunk cost fallacy, my dude. (Also probably has a bit to do with maintaining honour or pride associated with sword technique... maybe.) Hey have you noticed that the assassins here tend to have one technique they've spent a lifetime mastering and then as soon as Vash manages to counter it that's... just kind of it for them? Monev spent 20 years training and then was nearly killed and just... stopped. EG Mine got his weird hamster ball destroyed and was basically useless after that. Dominique's trick was discovered and she chose to die by jumping rather than wait to be killed. And here, Rai-Dei sees his technique has been bested and immediately abandons his honour to try and stab Vash in the back. I need to take a closer look at this as I'm reading about the rest of them.

Yayyy girls! I love them.

I really appreciate Jessie btw. She sees that Meryl and Milly consider Vash a friend, and despite the fact that all she would've heard of him are the July and Fifth Moon incidents and rumours about his dangerousness, she decides purely based on how much the girls are excited to see him again that he's probably not a bad guy at all and she wouldn't mind meeting him. It's just nice to see random people in this world (that we've been shown over and over again is extremely inhospitable) giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Wolfwood's nightmare sequence. painpainpainpainpain

Vash concussion arc. Lol. (Also I have a lot of thoughts about the theme of protecting one's home that's coming up here... but more on that later)

AUGH???

"The models were dissected while alive" HOLY FUCK. WHAT. EVEN THE BABY? WHAT THE FUCK

The fact that Rai-Dei couldn't feel a single trace of death when challenging Vash but now both Leonof and Wolfwood are terrified because Vash is literally radiating death and pain at the loss of these people. Something something suppressing the force and overwhelm of his loss, which he's carried around inside him for such an inhumanly long time that it is literally overpowering and incomprehensibly terrifying. Something something he cares so much about his family and so very little for himself. Ha. I feel so normal about this.

Well, this was cheery.

If you're wondering why I said hardly anything about Wolfwood here... stay tuned. There will be a part two. :)

[derangedanomaly]

okay before i make my imagine i have 2 things to chat about (sorry i have been gone btw i wanted to make the imagine but got so discouraged after it was deleted </3)

1. about yanberry. YES. I KNOW. i promise i can defend myself at least a little. i think yanberry is a good concept, blueberry is a super cute nickname, BUT fans sent him so far down fanon hell that he came out uwu soft baby who KILL you and he eyes turn RED !!! that’s not at all what i picture swap as. i’d go on about how i hate yandere being considered “obsessive and won’t kill you and treats you well but KILL anyone else” as a romantic thing (not what that is at all) but that’d take forever. instead i will say that a stalker/overbearingly obsessive swap is a terrifying thing that could be a really good horror concept. swap is still sans’s personality but swapped with papy’s job and work ethic from what i remember. not to mention being a part of the star sanses. swap would be SO good at hiding things from others because swap HAS to from nightmare’s little group. if he wanted to handcuff and hide you in a little room he could very well do so. you wouldn’t be getting out either knowing how strong and smart he is. i think he’d either be a ��this is a fun toy i have” type or blade-like with the severe lovesickness. anything he’d ask you to do (handshakes, headpats) would escalate into more (hugs, kisses) and soon he’d be by you every second that he could to the point you’d rather die than be near him. what we could’ve had </3

2. i think nightmare IS capable of love, it’d just be such a long process and starting it would be such a strange balancing act that it’d likely fall apart before he could confront his own feelings. it’s so difficult because positivity is NOT a good feeling to him and when HE starts feeling it i assume as negativity it’d make him sick. i think that would funnily enough be a hint to him liking you. like “your presence makes me sick” but he STILL hangs around you because there’s something about you and he doesn’t understand. this would boost his curiousity and it’d take even longer for him to realize he actually WANTS to spend time with you instead of supervise you. he still acts like he’s displeased with you but will do small things for you that he doesn’t realize he’s doing (similar to the tentacles!) i think he’d be less criticizing than before but he still would like “was your cooking meant to produce negativity in everyone?” to “it’s… mediocre. the amount of flour doesn’t work with the butter.” (he won’t mention that the toppings tasted good, but they did!). you will RARELY get praise and physical affection from him but when he gives it to you at all you know deep down he DOES care. this is my “nightmare is emotionally constipated, it isn’t you” essay.

- yugioh anon

Yes, I agree with the fact that Yanberry is an interesting concept, but in my opinion, it got executed really badly. I quite frankly can't really see Swap hurt anyone, because of love, or... really because of anything else. He fights within reason. Making him a yandere is a really... I'd say complex thing to execute well, because it just doesn't sound like Swap. I think that this concept was generally ruined because everyone pictured Blue/Swap as "soft" and really babied him... Don't get me wrong though! I don't have any problems with it. I mean- people can do whatever they want, I'm just not a fan of it. 🤷‍♀️

About Nightmare... Nightmare is really complex character when it comes to feelings other than negativity. Maybe it'd be possible for him to "fall in love", but I don't think it'd end well. Nightmare is very much known to not be the... Kindest person in the entire multiverse. He's not the kind of person who'll hold your hand because you ask for it, or spend time with you because he loves you. His whole internal being is made out of pure negativity... I don't even think that he understands other emotions like "Love". I think it'd be kinda like........ Y'all know the song "Rule #34 by Fish in a birdcage"? That's it. That would be the relationship y'all would have.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: What can I do in these situations? I realized I feel very fearful, even phobic about the internet now, by seeing how is talked about the way big companies manage private data, the thing of devices being vulnerable to any cyber attack and the way AI is being used to harass people and scam.

I feel… very terrified by all of this, I don't feel at ease even at my own home by living with smart devices. Is there a way I can make this more tolerable? I know we all need technology in our lifes now, but I don't want to feel spied on and vulnerable by it. It feels… very apocalyptic to me, and has made me fall in a pit of existential despair.

Then I started to think about my forgotten accounts, which made me VERY panicked. What if something happened to them and I didn't know? What if they're used for terrible things?

This worry has become so magnified in my mind, that I fear crumbling down when facing daily life things, and then even become bed ridden by the immense anxiety. I was bed ridden through many years by anxiety before so, this has become a huge concern.

I'm INFJ btw. Thank you very much!

-----------------------

Your anxiety sounds serious enough that I would strongly recommend getting professional help for it.

Phobias are considered irrational because they are based on faulty reasoning, distorted beliefs, or circular overthinking. For example:

1) Phobics exaggerate negative possibilities because they treat mere "probability" as near "certainty". This is often a problem of being bad at math or logic.

For example, the odds of dying by drowning are about 1 in 1000. What does that really mean, though? Does it mean that if you go swimming 999 times, you'll certainly die by the 1000th? No. What if you rarely go swimming? What if you are an Olympic-level swimmer? What if you only swim in recreational pools with other people and never alone in the sea? There are so many contextual factors that could affect the odds of drowning that trying to calculate the odds is basically meaningless when it comes to making life decisions.

2) Phobics envision mainly negative possibilities and overlook positive ones. This is a problem of distorted perception that then leads to distorted beliefs.

Let's say you read a statistic that car accidents are one of the leading causes of death. Because of this, you developed a fear of driving and thus always have to rely on others to transport you everywhere. Unfortunately, you don't live in a very walkable city, so this dependence on others causes you to lose a lot. You lose time because you often have to take indirect or slower routes. You lose energy because you always have to plan your outings very carefully. You lose opportunities because you can't always get to every place you need to go on time. You may even lose relationships because of being too dependent on people to come to your rescue when stranded.

If you were to objectively compare what you lose by not driving against what you could gain by being able to drive yourself, being able to drive is the better option. Furthermore, the fact of the matter is that you still need to be in a car on the road, but not driving yourself means that you have far less control over the outcome. Generally speaking, feeling less in control only exacerbates fear.

.

From these examples, it becomes more obvious why the best way to overcome phobia is to confront it and learn to master it, rather than give in to it. Just as not driving doesn't keep you out of vehicles and off the road, in 2024, there's no way to live life properly without accessing the internet. If you must do something you fear doing, the answer isn't to look for ways to avoid doing it but to learn how to do it to the best of your ability.

E.g. You can learn effective ways to protect your privacy. You can learn how to avoid getting scammed. You can learn how to use social media constructively. You can improve your judgment and be less naive or gullible.

You believe your fear is an indication of a dangerous world out there but, actually, your fear is an indication of your own low self-confidence. People lack self-confidence when they lack the knowledge and skill necessary to meet challenges and solve problems. The world is constantly changing and life will keep throwing challenges at you. The best way to cope is by being a good learner and adapting to change with new knowledge and skills.

Since phobias are irrational, an important aspect of overcoming them is becoming a more rational person, which means it's necessary for you to improve your critical thinking skills. For example, which option is more rational: 1) Avoiding the internet and living in a state of ignorance and anxiety, which basically means your life comes to a standstill? or 2) Learning how to use the internet more wisely, which means you can live your life confidently and fully?

[asm5129]

RWBY V9 Thoughts & Analysis: E7 - The Perils of Paper Houses

So I thought there were new images of the blacksmith in the opening of this episode on first watch, but a friend told me they were always there and i checked and he was right. Oh well. Moving on

From the first shot we can see the creativity put into the design of the town with the paper lantern acting as their "sun"

Yang and Blake appear to have slept directly next top one another, which is adorable. Yang's also a snorer, because naturally.

Jaune...literally sleeps in his armor. Yikes. that's not a good sign.

And then Ruby...Ruby, you poor girl. I desperately hope you weren't awake all night stewing in your negative thoughts while staring at CR. Honestly though, considering what comes later, i wouldn't doubt it--we'll get there.

"I'm late!! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" As others have noted, Jaune holds allusions to the white rabbit

"You can fix it. You always fix it." Ooh boy, that's not a good sign.

"Ruby, where's your weapon?" Ruby dismisses this as her being tired, but it's clearly hinting at her actually not wanting to pick up Crescent Rose again.

"Hurry, people are counting on us!"

Ruby needs a break, but she's expected to be able to fulfill the role of Hero at any given moment. No time to rest, there's a new crisis to deal with!

btw I'll be talking more about Weiss' role this episode--and honestly, this volume--when i get to the final scene

Love this bit of foreshadowing--the vocal performance of "Three cheers for the Rusted Knight and his White Rabbit" is extremely flat and inauthentic. I noticed that the first time, but i wasn't sure what it meant. Now i know.

In fact, nearly every single moment with the Paper Pleasers gets new context on rewatch.

For instance, blatant disregards for their own (presumed) safety, like "Hello water, how may i serve you?"

Oh so Alyx did leave Jaune to die. It was a lethal poison. I stand by my theory that Alyx genuinely thought of the Ever After as make believe though, not to mention that it's quite possible she thought would Ascend--especially if she had topped believing he was actually from Remannt

Jaune's spent decades literally putting out fires whenever one pops up. He runs himself ragged, but as he says--at least the crises in this village are "predictable"

Oh no. He named the Paper Pleasers after everyone he feels like he failed. Oh no.

Ooof, Yang and Weiss accidently feeding the idea that Jaune is a failure through their tone about him not having any leads. This whole episode is "hurt people hurt people"

I won't go in depth here, but i highly recommend reading through Jaune's to-do list. It's wholesome and heartbreaking and a great look into his psyche at this point in time. I'm really happy they actually filled it out and gave us a good look, they easily could have made it squiggles or something.

So...hot take: I actually think Jaune's plan isn't that bad. But I also get why WBY are hesitant to take him up on it. From their perspective, this absolutely would feel pointless.

"This isn't crazy...I'm not crazy..." Poor Jaune. he's genuinely terrified he IS crazy, that he's been driven mad by isolation and pain, which is why he was so angry when CC implied it last episode.

"We can be frustrated later. Right now, Jaune needs us."

Ruby hasn't talked at all since they sat down, and she's not looking too good. and Little is noticing.

"Who does that leave us with? It's obvious we need someone to guide us"

Ruby speaks up for the first time "Well if that's how everyone feels--"

and gets cut off. If she hadn't been, I think what happens later would have happened here. She was already getting genuinely angry, clearly feeling like her team was saying they had a problem with her leadership. Except, maybe it wouldn't have been quite what it was in that final scene. Maybe it would have been more manageable. We'll never know.

So here's the thing. Arryn's great, but this isn't a town of "suicidal origami." The Paper Pleasers have no wish to die. If they were suicidal, they'd want to get eaten by the Jabberwalker. The problem is, Jaune doesn't understand that Ascension isn't death. I know to us and to him it sounds like it's indistinguishable from it, but it's been made explicit that to Afterans it is not the same at all. If they were the same, there would be no reason to worry about getting eaten by the jabberwalker. No, Ascension is a continuation of life to them. We may not understand it, but it's simply their reality. And that's why what Jaune has done is so awful.

To be clear, I'm not demonizing Jaune. I have deep empathy for him. He was desperate, and in pain, and isolated, and again, to him Ascension is death. But his own trauma and trust issues and subsequent willful ignorance about how the Ever After works ended up pushing him to craft a fantasy where crises can befall the people he loves (or stand-ins for them, anyway) and he can save them, again and again and again and again and again, forever.

Yang is totally right-- no one has the full story, not yet.

"he's clearly not...all there"

"Is that what you think?!"

There is a surprising lack of empathy for Jaune from Weiss and Yang in particular this episode--and we see the direct consequences of it right here.

"We're not listening to [the cat] We're listening to the Afterans"

Someone mentioned this somewhere and i think it's right--this is Blake's social justice side coming out in the aftermath of the visit to the herbalist. Listening to those with the authentic lived experience, rather than accepting the biases that come with her own.

Oh Jaune. Your trust issues are so deep.

"Then why do you care so much about this village?"

"BECAUSE I CAN ACTUALLY PROTECT THESE PEOPLE"

Ugh, my heart. Refer to my paragraph about Jaune creating a fantasy here

OH NO, JABBERWALKERS

Again, they aren't suicidal, otherwise they wouldn't be running in fear from the walkers

"then we won't run this time"

Ruby stays back for a couple seconds, but as always there's no time. She has a responsibility, right? She's the hero. There's no choice but to fight, no matter how much she doesn't want to, because that's her role.

Weiss and Jaune acting like partners in this fight while Ruby stands off on the sidelines, ugh. And that look he gives to Ruby when he notices she isn't fighting? ouch.

I hope i'm not misusing the term, but what's happening to Ruby here certainly seems like PTSD flashbacks. And the way they're animated and visualized and framed really puts us in ruby's headspace, it's heartbreaking. Plus that shot of Salem? Yikes

It was literally going to eat her and she was just...paralyzed.

Yeah, so yang's weirded out--definitely more than a semblance evolution here.

Regardless, Neo's closing in. I expect a lot of her tomorrow, but we'll see.

Meanwhile Jaune is lashing out, framing her paralysis as cowardice and selfishness, yet Ruby can't even hold Crescent Rose, the thing she once called her "sweetheart".

everyone knows that's a big deal, but hey--there's another crisis! There's always a crisis.

Clear mirror to the fall of Atlas.

"I was supposed to save them, and they're dead." -Jaune

Explicit spelling out that they're gone, but not dead

And here it is. THE scene. Let's break it down

"Why are you asking me? Because I'm the leader? Because I'm just supposed to have something to say? Cuz i don't. I mean, why do I have to be the leader anyway? Why do I have to be the one who always picks everybody up? What about me?"

Everyone has always looked to her for inspiration, because she's damn good at it. But it's waaaay too much pressure. It's funny--Yang once said something ruby desperately needed to hear, but she said it in one of her worst moments and Ruby didn't know how important it was.

"Sometimes bad things just happen"

And the thing is, without intending to, a lot of people--people who genuinely love her--relied on her to make that not true. To make every bad thing seem manageable, or to mean something.

They relied on her to make the world more like a fairy tale, because they didn't know how to cultivate the same spark she seemed to have.

Ruby's pain was always quiet. Actually, funnily enough, a lot of the audience fell into similar assumptions--that if Ruby's development wasn't loud, didn't get the spotlight, that it didn't matter. But it was always there. And just because not everyone's pain is loud and obvious, doesn't make it not real--If you were paying attention, you could see the groundwork being laid for this in every volume, including the ones that get the most gripes for doing her dirty.

But, the thing is, WBY and co aren't the bad guys for not being able to help her. She wasn't able to be helped, and they had their own baggage to deal with. Everyone can do their best, and someone can still get extremely hurt. WBY did the absolute best they could, and Ruby was still hurt. Those can and do coexist.

To Weiss: "No time, right? Gotta get home! Gotta help Jaune! Gotta find someone who isn't going to screw everything up!"

So, i personally take this line as coming from Weiss' behavior in this volume--the complaints about the Ever After, the blaming of team RWBY for the evacuation plan going wrong, being "tired of leaving places in ashes--having been internalized by Ruby as remarks about her failures.

Remember, Ruby blames herself for getting everyone stuck in the Ever After, so every time someone expressed frustration with the Ever After, or impatience over not having gotten out yet, she would have internalized that as slights against her.

When Weiss' frustration about the Ever After comes out, Ruby hears it as "You got us stuck here, you lost my home, and I'm miserable because of your choices. and you aren't even able to get us out."

BUT

I ALSO think it has a lot to do with her behavior in volume 1

the FNDM talks a lot about the impact of Oz's words on leadership on Ruby, and for good reason

But i think we overlook just how much of an impact v1 Weiss likely had on Ruby's psyche

Ruby came to Beacon riddled with insecurities

She was worried about making friends, worried about being a leader, worried about not deserving the skip to Beacon Oz granted her, and worried how people would treat her because of it

And Weiss hammered at ALL of those

Reapetedly

Hell, Ruby only got that awful advice from ozpin because she wanted reassurance that he didn't think weiss was right about her inability to be a leader

Again, not demonizing Weiss. We know why she was like that, it wasn't her fault. But i think it's something we oughta talk about more.

To Yang: "Gotta stay positive, right?! Smiles all around!! Maybe even get our feelings sorted out!

We've seen Yang very explicitly put Ruby on a pedestal multiple times. Most obviously in volume 5, but a bit even as far back as volume 1.

in volume 1, Ruby is expressing her desire not to be seen as a freak or imposter for skipping ahead two years, saying she doesn't want anyone to think she's special, while Yang piles on the praise telling her she is special

in volume 5, she stays to fight Salem after learning about all of Oz's lies and explicitly states it's because Ruby is doing so and she "always knows the right thing to do"

In volume 7, despite her hesitancy around lying to Ironwood, she tells Ruby they'll follow her lead

in volume 8, she says "We said we'd follow your lead when we got here, and that hasn't exactly worked out", unintentionally laying the blame for Ironwood's fall and all the other Atlas crises at Ruby's feet

Again, not demonizing Yang. She gave up her childhood for Ruby to be her parental figure when Tai was in his depression, but that doesn't mean she knew how to be a mother, not at that age. She would have no idea how to deal with with the complex and messy emotions of someone the age Ruby was when she was raising her, and Ruby herself would have felt pressure not to make an unfair job for Yang even harder.

To Blake: "Good for you, by the way, we're all so happy for you!"

RUBY IS NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. Can't believe I have to say that. She's not even genuinely unhappy for them I'd wager, she's just resentful that she didn't get to be happy too.

The thing is, there always seemed to be time for everyone else to slow down and sort through their feelings, but to Ruby that meant that if they needed that time she had to pick up the slack. That's why she went to Haven. It's what happened with the Apathy. If everyone else has fallen apart, someone has to hold it together and save lives. Someone has to hold it it together and lead. And she could, so she should...right?

"i'm sorry is this a bad time? Are we supposed to be mourning Jaune's make believe friends?"

and then Jaune goes on to blame her for everything she's already blaming herself for, and ooof that painful expression she makes, it breaks my heart (RWBY facial expressions are such an underrated part of the series btw--they're so good)

Jaune was her first real friend at Beacon. He gave her his hand in support for no other reason than that she needed it. I'd say that they genuinely might be best friends. They were always there for each other.

Hearing these words would always be painful, but hearing it from Jaune cuts straight into Ruby's soul.

He immediately apologizes. "I'm sorry, I know I'm not okay, I know I'm not right.... but how am I supposed to be?"

That bit of self-awareness is what could save you Jaune. Hold onto that.

"I've been alone for so long...Here...on that bridge...I was the only one that could do it, i was the ONLY ONE. And now I have to live with that forever. In here or back home." I think he's talking about killing Penny.

"Guys, i know things are bad but--"

"Shut. Up.

Don't do that. Just...don't."

When you know all the right words to lift people up, but you've stopped believing them, hearing them from others feels...almost insulting.

God what a brilliant episode. Im excited for what comes next, but also utterly terrified. I'm not sure any other story has affected me quite as deeply as RWBY. I'll have to do some RWBY meta on why that is at some point, but right now I've already spent far too long on this.

Good luck everyone! We'll need it 😅

[parasite-core]

I saw a post that said something about the thin line between ‘I would die for you’ and ‘I would kill for you’ and it got me thinking about which category each of my OCs fall into for their loved one (romantic or otherwise)

I would die for you: Roland, Kiyo, Lucien, Draven

I would kill for you: Sai, Haruki, Ileark

I would die for you, I would kill for you, I would put myself at your mercy. I would do anything for you: Kaius, Umbrolus

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

We All Need Saving Sometimes - Kaz Brekker x male! Reader

A/n: I don't even know why this took me so long to write because this was so fun! Anyways sorry it took so long!

Warnings: Violence? + Language (it is me you should expect it at this point!?

Request: Hiiii, I just discovered your account and I love it! I've been searching for shadow and bone x Male readers but there aren't that many so I figured I could request one 😅 I was thinking about a Male reader x Kaz Brekker, maybe the reader is like a vigilante and saves Kaz or something like that. Just do whatever you want with it :)))

(The reader is kind of like Nightwing btw)

The blood rushed through his veins as he swung around and smashed the crime boss in the face. Adrenaline courses through him as the man stumbles back and he takes a few steps forward.

"I- Please, I-I'll do-do anything! Please!" Y/n just rolls his eyes and cuffs him to the pole on the top of some random Ketterdam building with his special handcuffs. Although this thug isn't very skilled at pickpocketing much less pick locking so he really didn't need to use it. Either way, the man wouldn't be able to leave till the stadwatch could come to get him or he would die from dehydration.

Well, he did say Ketterdam.

He jumped from the building still hearing the pleas of the older crime (failing) boss. Some considered him a hero, some did not. He was kind of in the middle, he would kill (like he said this is Ketterdam for ghezen sake!) But sometimes he would let them go. Most of the time his vigilante persona - Inferno, was just so he could keep the innocent children out of the way of the crime schemes that happen in this totally lovely city.

The thing with Y/n was that his superhero persona, Inferno was a tad bit different from himself normally. Inferno could be described as calculative, cool, and intellectual.

When he was just the L/n boy though... He's clumsy, anxiety-ridden, and what some would call a classic 'nerd' case, to name a few. Trust Y/n when he said this; he wasn't a mental case it just both of the sides were him but... Not always completely him. Inferno and L/n were two sides to him that only really did have two things in common; their terrible corny jokes, and never ever doing something without thinking about it first.

So he didn't know why he did it. Why he jumped off that building landing headfirst in a fight to help some strange teenager with a cane. All he knew was when he took one look at the teen he didn't even think he just did.

A man tried to swing a weak left hook at Inferno but he just rolled his eyes and dodged gracefully and judo flipped him onto his back, his face letting out a satisfying CRUNCH! As his foot put all its pressure on the man's disgusting face. While the man scream's out in pain he turns his attention to the two others. The teenager seemed to have one all he had to do was get the oth- WAIT IS THAT KAZ BREKKER?!!

A punch is delivered to Inferno's face and he feels rage build up inside him. Fuck this shit he's done. He goes full in and tackles the other man that's not attacking the Brekker boy and with his rage the man's dead in seconds. Welp, he would just have to add that to the number that he can't remember how many people he's killed.

The answer would be a lot, but hey! He did say protecting the (innocent) children and teens were off and on, apparently, it was on today.

He hears a giant wack! And he turns around just in time to see the other attacker fall to the ground and for the boy to withdraw his cane.

"I didn't need your help."

Inferno roll's his eyes and nods sarcastically; "Sure Brekker, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Who says I sleep?"

"Well, we're on the same boat for that one buddy!" I laugh and I could feel L/n slipping through Inferno almost like they were finally coming together after meeting this young criminal. But why?

"Don't mention this to anyone or I'll have your head." The Brekker boy says threateningly, well it would be to anyone else if they weren't so entranced by him. (Cough, cough, Y/n.)

"Hey, I saved you!"

"I thought you only saved children?" Then at that moment, their eyes meet and Y/n can see right through his soul. His eyes are cold, but they're so hypnotic and they make him fall for this bastard of the barrel. They both seem to come closer till there almost chest to chest, it was like an invisible magnetic force was pulling them together.

"We all need saving sometimes, Brekker," Y/n whispered and Brekker turned his head away probably trying to recollect himself.

"Call me Kaz please." Y/n knew that Dirtyhands wasn't polite nor did he beg. But this wasn't Kaz Brekker neither was it Dirtyhands. This is a scared boy who was peaking out and Y/n was holding out his head and he thinks he just took it.

"I Have an offer for you. Meet me at the Waffle House near the fountain. of Crows at six."

Y/n raise's his eyebrow and a slow smile crawls upon his face. "Oh, it's a date then Brekk- Kaz!" He jokes.

Kaz rolls his eyes. "Just remember who I am Inferno."

So Kaz hasn't figured out that Y/n was Inferno, give Brekker about a day and he would probably figure out his identity. But an unusual feeling spread across Y/n's chest and he observed it wasn't panic that Kaz would find out who he really was. He couldn't place what the feeling was just yet but he discovered that he trusted Kaz.

And that was more terrifying than any villain.

"Just count yourself lucky you don't owe me anything after saving your ass!"

Kaz just rolls his eyes at the statement and starts walking away from Y/n but pausing midway just almost out of his line of vision.

Without turning his head Kaz yells; "You Better not be late for our date L/n!"

Y/n's eyes widen and any confidence that might have been there was wiped away with just a few words and he's left in a flustered mess. Not even realizing that he had already figured out who he really was outside of his superhero persona.

He's frozen, going through Brekker's words over and over again trying to comprehend what the hell just happened.

Holy fuck he just got a date with Dirtyhands.

Fate must have been up to something but whatever it was he was ready and with a grin, Y/n took off into the night.

Bouns:

"This way sir." A petite but kind lady walks him towards a table where there it was - the bastard of the barrel, someone who he could be himself and join his two half of himself together without pressure was there.

He was actually there.

And he, Y/n L/n was late.

He carefully slid into the booth seat on the opposite side of Kaz examining the boy in front of him. He was holding a newspaper, his hat was drawn forward enough so it could cover his eyes and he didn't even acknowledge him.

Just at that moment he place's the newspaper down and raises an eyebrow at the L/n boy.

"Your late L/n."

A sly smirk plays on Y/n's face as he remembered what Kaz had told him before hand in there last visit. Fate really did have a funny way of doing things.

"Oh Please Kaz." He leans forward so now they're both eye to eye.

"Call me Y/n."

Words 1217

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

[slasherwife]

🐻Oh, I stopped to think, how the Slashers would react to their S / O being a witch who reincarnated (doesn’t remember the past life, except how she died.), She does rituals (using some potions, animal bones and blood itself). to raise and control plants and a power related to his death (possibly fire) and have nightmares about his death that usually have phantom pain and vision (in the midst of flames and smoke for example.) kisses from Brazil 🐻

Slashers react to a witch s/o

How do the slashers react with you doing tarot, moon rituals, playing with energies, making potions and doing spells?

🌹🌛🌕🌜🌹how do they react to you controlling the elements and getting forewarning of his death?

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas is lowkey intrigued?

Doesn’t even know what this stuff is??

He’s pretty much clueless, but that doesn’t mean you can’t teach him

If you tell him you’re a witch I have a feeling he’ll be taken aback

“B-but the Bible says—“

“No no, the Bible was originally Aramaic, Tommy— and ‘witch’ in Aramaic meant poisoner, my love. I never poison anyone.” 💖💕💖💕

That should do it 😊

Anyway he will still be bewildered a lil bit, just peepin around the corner watching you doing a tarot reading like Ow0 wot

Will catch animals for you to use for rituals

Do you need human bones too? Cuz he’s got you covered 😊💕

But hearing of your past life death? Seeing you play with fire and plant energies? How the universe practically bows to you? He sees you completely different.

He was standing on the back porch, watching you walk towards him as the grass waved to you and the trees bent in your favor, and he never wanted to be apart from you 🌹😊

You are a starlit goddess, sent to him by mistake— and he thinks you belong to the stars above or in the clouds~~ anywhere but his dark, sad home 😓💖

If you have nightmares about his death, he will go under your wing —begrudgingly— under your constant protection

He doesn’t believe too much of your visions, but he hates seeing you upset and his dark goddess doesn’t deserve paranoia 🥀😓

Jason Vorhees

Whatever Jason thinks, he at least acknowledges at his zombie phase that he isn’t exactly considered natural either.

Tbh you guys would be a total power couple 🤗🥺💖

He would be probably more understanding of your occupation than Tommy, and would embrace you fully 😊

Like “I knew my y/n was special. I knew it!” 😊💕

He doesn’t like that you use animal bones though. “Why the poor animals y/n?? Use human bones instead— here.”

He thinks you have superpowers hah

He loves when you raise the plants to be alive again— it’s like you keep it spring all year and he loves it 🥺💖💕💖🌷

Will be happy that you have them so you can protect yourself if need be 😊

Once you tell him about your past life death and how you can manipulate elements and that you’re getting forewarnings dreams of his death... he won’t be too worried.

First off, any thought of you dying in general is caused him literal physical pain. So he didn’t like you talking about that 🥺💕

You controlling the elements, Fire? He will follow you anywhere hon’. 7’1 immortal zombie legend murderer and powerful sorcerer/ess/witch? Biggest power couple 💕🙌🙌

And then lastly, the only thing Jason will worry about from your dreams is how you will manage with out him. That’s literally it 😂🥺💕💖

He knows he will come back eventually, you can’t kill Jason forever— he physically can’t stay dead lol

He will sheepishly miss all the crazy sex you guys have been having, but you stop your worrying! Jason’s like “my poor bab don’t be so scared— I’ll always come back!” 💕💕💖💕

Michael Myers

Will 1000% pretend your powers don’t interest him.

But just know that he’s peeking around the corner when you absent mindedly play with the candle’s flame while mixing a clarity potion, literally on his toes 😂💕

He loves to be around you when you’re doing candle work, making a potion, practicing controlling the elements— because you exert this powerful and foreign energy aura that’s comforting to him 😊💖💕🥺

Another slasher that will go on a midnight trip of catching animals for you because “ANYTHING FOR YOU, MY GODDESS— 😫💖💕💖💕”

But you wouldn’t even ask for it, he would see you making spell charms or bags with animal bones in it—

And then next thing you know he drops a sack of birds and a goat next to you and walks away???🤭

Do I know where he got the goat?? No I fucking do not xD but it kinda stank so you had to drag it out the back door and get to work 😣

And then obviously he’ll give you human bones as well lel 💕

He likes hearing of your past life death, he thinks it’s cool lol 😊💖

Getting forewarnings of Michael’s death? K.

He wouldn’t be bothered really, but he obviously doesn’t want to die— he’s too stubborn for that 💕💖

This is the only time he will ever listen to you xD barely

Basically like “too bad—I’m going out tonight. But I’ll ‘be careful’ or whatever the fuck you said.”

Another huge power couple btw 🙌💖💕

Bubba Sawyer

He thinks you’re so cool 🥺

He’ll think your tarot readings are a game and he’ll pick up random ones and look at them

(He likes the pictures) 😖💖

He’ll be so curious, like snooping around when you’re doing a ritual, snuggling up against you when you’re saying an incantation—

He’s like a cat💖💕

Oh you like animal bones? What a surprise! His house is literally full of them. 😶🌷

Ya you have an endless supply of animal bones— you won’t ever run out 😂💖💕

You died in your past life? WHAT? Why? *crying*

He will snuggle you all night when you tell him that 🥺

Also thinks you’re a goddess that was sent to him and can NOT wrap his head around the fact that you two met by chance 🥺💖

Cherishes you every single day and will probably be super clingy because you’re just his strong woman who deserves everything for the queen she is— *INHALE* yeah. 😖😖💕💕💖💖

Wait. What? You dreamt of me dying? What abt you will you be okay my little blueberry muffin??

He won’t careeee but at the same time he wants to stay with youuuuu😖💖💕

Just so he can stay alive to be with you, he’ll do everything you say to stay safe and will follow every protocol much to Chop Tops annoyment. 🤷‍♀️😊💕

“No, sorry—Y/n says I can’t do that.”

I love you two together, it gives me the feels 🥺💕💖

Bo Sinclair

Ooooh niceeee

Lowkey interested but probably won’t show it 😆

Like u do u— don’t know don’t care as long as you keep making me pbjs

Prepare for bewildererd looks when he walks in on your using blood/bones for a particular ritual 😳

Like you’ll just be sitting on your bed with your eyes closed, holding a black candle trying to banish negative energy and he’ll walk in—

“Want me to leave...?”

“Shhhhhhh....”

He’ll probably come home one day with an animal skull or something like, “babe I found this owl beak... you want it?” 😂💖💕

He’ll probably tell Lester to catch something while he’s out and about, and then take it and tell you that he got it for you all by himself😂💕

Lowkey scared of you sometimes

He’s not scared of blood, but like y are u using it..??

Tried not to piss you off too much so you hex him or something xD 💖💕

You: *manipulating fire and wind out back*

Bo, walking in on it: bitch what the fu—

If you tell him you’re getting visions of his death, he’ll probably be super skeptical and give you it a smartass remark— probably ask if you’ve been smoking the mugwort too 😳😶

But if you persist on it— he’ll get frustrated but will listen to you because he doesn’t like seeing u upset 🥺🌷

Brahmsie

Bitch wtf u doin?

So confused— explain now

This little shit will go through all of your stuff and take what he thinks is cool and will probably piss off your deities (if u have deities) 😂

You’ll have to make him apologize and have him give it back~~which I wish you the best of luck w 😂💖💕

You’ll just be minding your own business when Brahmsie is looking at your things—

The he legit looks at you dead in the eyes and takes your dragon figurine and disappears into the walls, much to your panic 😓😶😶

But since you can do all this stuff, now 3x more scared of you even tho you’re a small bean in comparison to him— 😳💕🌷

You threatened to hex him if he didn’t start actin right and he started being nice real quick 😂🙌💕💕

Where did u get that blood? 😶😳

Using animal bones? Use the dead rats y/n! Duh!

Bonus for him if he manages to sack the grocery boy and take his bones too 😶💘

“ANYTHING FOR YOU MY QUEEN!” 🙌😭💖💖

If he finds you controlling the elements and sees u controlling fire.... he leaves immediately dont you know he’s terrified of fire??

Yeah uh he demands in a shaky voice that you stop doing that or else ☹️😶he doesn’t like fire at all

But that’s okay cuz you’re still the fuckin coolest person hes ever been w! 😆💘

Wait wut...? You’re saying I’m gonna die? UWU SAVE ME Y/N I DONT WANNA DIEEE

He will literally get so scared when you tell him you’re getting forewarnings of his death, and will go under your wing definitely the most willingly 😅💓💓

Whatever, more cuddles for him! And some other things 😏

I hope u liked ittt! Sorry I’ve not the time to post ANYTHING lately— it took me 5 days to finish this one because of how busy w school I am— but I hope you like it!! 💖💖

[ofallthingsnasty]

I think we are the same person because Overhaul got me into writing dead dove too. I felt like at the time not many people were writing him how I see him- more than a germaphobe whose afraid to get dirty.

Also I totally get you. I don't think he's a medical professional at all, but I do think he has a fetish for it (or maybe I'm just projecting LOL.) I think medicine is more of a "hobby" for him. Like a mad scientist. He reads about surgery and thinks about trying them out. I mean, nothing can really go wrong considering his quirk. Like if he maims you too bad then poof don't worry.

Omg you're crazy cool btw. I can't imagine being able to do that sort of stuff. I'm thankful people like you exist! Also you'd hate me, I need my wisdom teeth removed but I'm afraid of doctors. (Ironic I know 😭)

He would totally use catheters even when completely unnecessary. You don't want to pee infront of him? Guess what. Catheter time. LOL. Going on a long trip with him? You obviously can't control yourself. Guess what. Catheter time. He'd probably keep it taped to your thigh with a cute bandaid if you're lucky. Maybe cover it with a frilly garter. He'd probably talk really loudly about how you need to be checked and pull your dress up to feel around your tummy. He'd push around your full bladder and say stuff like "Why didn't you tell me you needed to go. This is exactly why we have to do this." Even though he was the one who made you drink all that water and ignored you when you tried to tell him that you needed to go.

You probably wet yourself in fear the first time you met him, maybe he exploded some people infront of you and you just couldn't stop it. Now he has to take care of you 😔 You're so interesting and clearly broken.

Overhaul is really the perfect vessel for gross fetishes. He'd probably get hard giving you a regular ultrasound- let alone a transvaginal one. My gosh I want his gloved fingers in my mouth so bad, just tugging my lips apart 😭 BLAH he sucks. ❤️

Also, another random headcanon I have is that he'd like to use general anesthesia. For fun. He'd force you to inhale some weird smelling stuff while you struggle and then you'd wake up with him all like :) next to you LOL.

anon shajdhsajk- you NEED to share your writing, your thoughts are making me sweat over here (only if you're comfy with it of course sgahgds) oh and i get my last two wisdom teeth removed in three weeks -- you can do it too!! i believe in you 💖 tw. piss, malpractice, medical stuff

The way he'd be a total butcher... 😭 You need a whole team to perform surgeries and he... has Hari? That's probably it. I think you'd probably die a few times because that even happens in OMS surgeries and when you have to do five jobs at once it's pretty much guaranteed. Just imagine suddenly waking up on that table with a slightly sweaty Overhaul hovering over you because he had to be quick 😭 His quirk really is failsafe- but that also means that he'd experiment on you until he gets the hang of it. Books are all nice and dandy but seeing the real thing is SO different. There is blood everywhere and it's all pink and red and structures vary from body to body. (And he just tries again and again and again.) Just imagine waking up and not being able to move the right side of your face because he cut through some strands of your facial nerve (or something worse, like completely bling or unable to move some limbs). And of course, he could overhaul you but he could also leave you like this a little longer as a punishment (when it fits-) The possibilities are endless and terrifying. 🥴 And omg I had to laugh so hard at the mental image of him being all smiley after surgery - just, him doing that little animal crossing villager happy face but it's totally fake because that man just can't smile to save his life aghasgh - and you're all groggy and out of it, trying to comprehend what's happening. Just staring at him for a solid minute until it clicks. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing more catheter thoughts, I am salivating over them. Ugh the way he's obnoxiously into it 🥴 I just want to be babied like that, okay? Can't even be trusted to use the toilet, one of the most basic things ever hhhh And yeah - the wetting during the first meeting fits sooo well. You, a grown adult, wetting yourself in front of him? God, you're pathetic. Just look at you standing there - trembling, snot and tears all over your face, a puddle of piss at your feet… It IS kinda cute and you don't even run. Of course he has to take you with him, that isn't even a question 🥺

Also may I run away with that catheter idea (with credit of course)? I couldn't stop thinking about it after I answered your ask 'yesterday' (2 am for me haha) and I researched a lot… I'd love to write a short blurb about it, because I am just SO in love with that idea, goodness 😳💖 It just really scratches an itch I didn't know I had hhhh. I am going crazy over this, for real 😳

[aj28gaming]

How post-game SDR2 should've been like

BTW THIS SHIT IS RUSHED AND DEFINITELY NOT MY BEST WORK, JUST GO TO MY AO3 FOR SLIGHTLY BETTER WORKS

https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJcooper28/works

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"I...almost got Junko to take over everyone's bodies and spread despair to the entire world."

He finally said it. He finally admitted it

After realizing everything, from how Nagito was right all along to how everyone else was and is far far worse than Nagito could ever be

And that includes Hajime, who just admitted to being the worst of everyone on this island.

Because he just now admitted to Nagito, his friend that he hated and abandoned throughout the killing game all because of a misunderstanding, that he almost caused the worst nightmare Nagito could ever dream of

Total, utter, despair. To the entire world

Again.

It took some time for Hajime to accept it, to accept, with the help of his multiple analytical talents of course, that he was probably the worst possible friend and person anyone can ask for.

Sure, Nagito was "weird," but boy was he right about almost anything.

His "hope" is truly the literal definition of hope.

As his "Ultimate literate" and "Ultimate English Major" would say,

hope /hōp/ 📷Learn to pronounce

noun 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. "he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information" Similar: aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, plan, dream, daydream, pipe dream, longing, yearning, craving, hankering 2. ARCHAIC a feeling of trust. "our private friendship, upon hope and affiance whereof, I presume to be your petitioner" verb want something to happen or be the case. "he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

Everything checks out

No wonder Nagito called Peko Fuyuhiko's hope. No wonder Nagito said that Teruteru's hope was to see his mom and save the culinary family legacy.

No wonder Nagito said Mikan murdered for despair, after all her beloved was Junko Enoshima, the ultimate despair herself.

It's crazy how right Nagito was all along, how much empathy and understanding he has had for every one of their classmates.

It's just that, sadly, no one understood how right he was all this time.

Not even Hajime himself.

He always thought Nagito couldn't be trusted, that he was always scheming something or up to no good. Trying to plan something to mess with their heads or trick them once again.

Once again...

Hajime would laugh. Because, now, he finally realized how wrong he was with that mindset.

And he only developed that mindset after the first trial.

And what did Nagito do during the first trial?

Everyone thought Nagito tried to kill Byakuya out of pure insanity but failed thanks to Teruteru killing him instead. That's why everyone started to change their perception of him.

And what made it worse was that "maniacal laugh" he did during the trial, it amplified everyone's fear and hatred of him even more.

But that couldn't be farther from the truth.

You see, and Hajime has just found this out thanks to his observations and ultimate talents, Nagito doesn't laugh out of joy or happiness. No, not at all.

In fact, he laughs when he gets surprised, not because he is having fun. And considering the situation he was in, from indirectly causing two murders to being ganged up on by everyone else because of being suspected as the culprit, who wouldn't go crazy and stressed at a predicament like that?

He wasn't enjoying any of that one bit, in fact, it was quite the opposite.

Thinking about it now, it's starting to become painfully clearer. Nagito wasn't at all enjoying the killing game, he was terrified. He hated it more than anyone else, it was his personal hell after all.

That's why he kept clinging to hope. After all, it's normal for a person to cling to a shining hope in a despairful situation. A beam of light, a tiny spec of happiness.

A good ending. That's what Nagito wanted.

No wonder he kept talking about hope, he was desperate for it, everyone was.

But god did they mistreat Nagito.

And back to what Nagito actually did during the first trial.

You see, he wasn't actually trying to get anyone killed.

He was trying to become the first victim himself

It may seem weird at first because that would mean kickstarting the killing game, but it makes sense the more you think about it.

The killing game would've started regardless, and the murders and trials after the first prove that.

And Nagito knew this, which added to the reasons he was paranoid during the start. It was his personal hell, after all, seeing death surround him and his classmates once more.

As if his luck cycle hasn't already tormented him enough...

And so, that's why Nagito did it. He knew that no matter what, someone would've killed someone

He just wanted it to be him and no one else. So no one else has to die like the victims of his horrid luck cycle.

Damn his selflessness...

And that includes his stunt during the 5th trial.

Who can blame a guy, who just found out he is stuck with a bunch of terrorists and remnants of despairs that terrorized the entire world for god knows how long, for wanting those very people dead?

Those very people, that tortured, murdered, manipulated, brainwashed, blackmailed, amputated their bodies, for the sake of despair.

Who wouldn't want them dead? Who wouldn't go crazy at that revelation?

No one. No one at all.

Not even Hajime. After all, he did go crazy after finding out that very same fact that Nagito found out.

So crazy that he almost did the complete opposite of what Nagito tried to do and nearly got everyone to get taken over by Junko and to spread despair again.

To torture, murder, manipulate, blackmail...

All that to happen again. All because Hajime didn't want to die.

So much that he was about to commit the biggest mistake in human history, causing everyone's greatest fears to come to life once again.

All because of his stupidity, his uselessness.

Maybe he really was just a useless reserve course student after all...

No wonder Nagito hated everyone, no wonder Nagito hated Hajime the most.

Who wouldn't?

Damn Hajime's selfishness...

Damn him for thinking about himself instead of everyone else.

Damn him for not being there for his first friend who was the most stressed and vulnerable throughout the killing game.

Damn him for his uselessness, his stupidity.

Damn him...

And so, that's why Hajime admitted it. Despite knowing that what he almost did would've caused Nagito's worst fears to come to life again.

Despite knowing that this would give Nagito even more reason to hate him and despise him for the rest of his life.

Despite knowing how much despair Nagito is already in after finding out he is still trapped with the very people he hates and fears the most

Despite all this, Hajime still pushed himself to be honest. Because he couldn't take it anymore.

After everything he and the others have done to Nagito, how they treated him like a psycho when in reality he hated the killing game more than all of them combined, which was the main reason he went crazy, Nagito deserved to know the truth.

To know how despairful and horrible Hajime really is.

And so he said it, and the boy's response from the inside of his cottage was to be expected of course.

"What?" he barely croaked out, of course too shocked to even understand what he just heard.

Despite his heart-wrenching guilt already clawing the back of his mind into the deep crevices of hell, where he truly belonged at this point, he still pushed on.

"I..."

"You could've caused despair!?" It was louder this time, the interrupting scold almost hurtful and loud enough to make Hajime want to cover his ears and walk away, to pretend like none of this was happening.

"I-"

"Do you...have any idea what you could have done!?" Nagito took a quick breath in the middle, he was hyperventilating.

Makes sense, after all, it's not every day that you get told by your supposed "friend" that he almost caused everyone's nightmares and despairs to come to life by a press of a button.

It's not every day that you find out that same "friend" of yours would've picked causing terrorism and mindless torture to spread throughout the entire world instead of suicide.

It's not every day that you find out this "friend" of yours, who you helped and cared about the most throughout the killing game, would've caused you the most despair and trauma that your luck has ever given you in your entire life.

It's not every day that the person you care about the most, is also the person that would hurt you the most.

And Hajime knew this. Boy did he know this.

Which explains the protruding and continuous sweat dripping so much that they began to sting his eyes, the aching chest covering a heart beating so fast that he wouldn't be surprised if he passed out on the spot.

But he couldn't, he had to push through.

After all, it's all his fault. And he had to take responsibility.

And Nagito definitely deserved to know everything.

But still, it didn't stop him from facing away slightly, like a kid scared of getting punished by their infuriated mom.

"You...you could've caused despair! No! Complete terrorism! Everyone and everything would've been in total chaos and despair all because of you! You...you monster! You absolute monster!"

Every word followed by a broken and betrayed sob. Despite him being "prepared," it didn't stop Hajime from wanting to cry in shame and kill himself to just end all of this already.

"You...I...Why? Why would you do this?" Nagito begged, almost on the verge of tears.

"W-well...it's not like I went along with it in the end!" Hajime "reasoned."

Then, he realized his mistake far too late. Of course, it didn't matter if he did it or not, what matters is the fact that he considered the idea. And that fact couldn't be more true for Nagito.

So Hajime tried to backtrack his mistake, realizing soon after that his destiny was sealed, "Nagito, I didn't mean-"

"Do none of them matter? Countless people, murdered, tortured, manipulated into despair for despair, all because of you. Do they seriously not matter? You think it's okay just because you 'didn't do it in the end?' Of course not, just the fact that you considered it is horrifying enough!"

"WELL WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE!?" Hajime snapped, realizing too late that due to his impulsiveness and anger, he asked the dumbest question anyone could ask.

"WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF-"

"I WOULD'VE SACRIFICED MYSELF!" Nagito snapped back.

"I WOULD'VE SACRIFICE MY EVER USELESS, DESPICABLE SELF NO QUESTIONS ASKED IF IT MEANT PREVENTING THE WORLD FROM TOTAL DESPAIR! I WOULD'VE GLADLY LAID MY LIFE DOWN, BE TORTURED ENDLESSLY IF IT MEANT SAVING THE WORLD FROM TOTAL ANNILATION!"

Nagito was breathing heavily now, so heavily it's practically an asthma attack mixed with tears and hyperventilation. Hajime could almost hear him trying to keep himself stable while his mental state continues to worsen the process.

His saliva spitting out of his mouth from him trying to breathe properly and lashing out in anger, agony, and betrayal.

Nagito was in tears so much that he almost can't see anything because of the number of tears accumulated in his eye sockets. He hated this, he hated this so much. It hurts him so much.

And what hurts him the most is that despite all of this, he still can't stop loving Hajime, he can't stop having him deep inside his heart...

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(OKAY TO BE CONTINUED CUZ I NEED TO WORK ON OTHER SHIT BUT HERE IT IS IN CASE YOU GUYS WANNA READ ABOUT IT

I MIGHT CONTINUE OR FINISH THIS SOON)

[heybeybey]

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Summary: Forced to retire from the Scouts due to a major injury, Levi thinks he'll be spending the rest of his days in domestic solitude. Petra, however, has another idea.

Loosely based on The Way of the Househusband.

Or: Captain Petra x Househusband Levi canonverse AU

AO3 Link

A/N: Okay I've had this outlined for WEEKS (no ending in mind tho) but I never got around to actually drafting it. But....... I had some time this morning and the inspiration after seeing this post so yay.

Thanks to @sleeperswakewriting for introducing me to The Way of the Househusband. It's cute and funny and DEFINITELY RIVETRA in another universe.

This is going be a drabble series btw but no assurance on when I'll be updating each chapter (My Royalty AU draft is glaring at this fic rn tbh). Some chapters will be based on the Netflix show but Levi's condition is a bit different from Tatsu's so it'll probably be loosely based at best.

And yes, the title is from the song My Girl. But I like this version since I think it fits Petra the most :3

Also also, we all know deep down that Levi wants to be a househusband so here you go.

- - -

Chapter 1: The Ceremonies

There was a time when his mind wandered to how his career in the Scouts would end. Levi always thought he'd die on the battlefield, just as he witnessed among his comrades. He'd accepted that reality, sometimes even waiting for it despite his will to continue fighting on.

For some reason, retiring has never crossed his mind.

"Honorably discharged due to major leg injury, incomplete spinal cord injury, and loss of right eyesight."

He can still hear the pity and sadness from Erwin's voice from that day in the hospital when they talked over where he will go from there. The doctors mentioned that his spine will heal over time, but his leg is broken way beyond repair. It's worse enough that amputation was considered at one point. He'd be good as titan food should he retain his current position in the scouts.

At first, he wanted to scream. He wasn't the type to show some outwardly emotion (except for when he's beating down new recruits or the three males in his squad) but being a part of the Survey Corps is what gave this shit of a life some meaning after he was pulled out of the underground.

Frankly, he didn't know what's next.

"Hey, Captain." Petra's sweet voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts and he forces himself to get out of his bad mood. This was her day and he'd be damned if he ruins it for her.

Levi takes her in and the corner of his lip quirks up. He feels pride fill his chest as his eyes strays a bit on the insignia freshly pinned on her uniform.

"I think I should be the one calling you that, Ral." He replies. "Congratulations."

Wheelchair-bound for what may be the rest of his life, Levi and his squad had to sit down and talk over what's next for the Scout's elites. The obvious choice was Eld, but Levi and the rest of the team were surprised when the blonde man turned down the promotion. He says that while he had the leadership skills and the years of experience that makes him more than qualified, he knew that he didn't have the same burning dedication to the cause as much as he'd witnessed in others.

Eld said that he'd be glad to support the next team captain instead. Oluo, while skilled, had often been too focused on his kill count. Gunther has a strategic mind but didn't really have the charm to bring people together.

So they all turned their attention to Petra.

To be honest, Levi had always wanted to promote Petra as his second-in-command. However, Scout regulations demanded a certain number of years that she didn't have yet at the time he first chose his elite squad. He'd never had a problem with Eld, but his and Petra's ability to synchronise on the battlefield is the reason why he'd always turned to her when he needed a second hand.

It makes sense in his eyes and to the rest of the team, even when Erwin and the other soldiers were doubtful of his choice. They've seen how ferocious Petra is during expeditions, but still had the heart to cry alongside her dying comrades. She's kind and helpful, but knows when a hard decision is needed to be made. She'd pitched in her ideas and opinions every time she accidentally passed by the officers' meeting sessions (she always brought them tea so she sometimes hear the conversations). This was often met with a surprised look from her higher-ups but having worked with Petra for quite some time, Levi would just smirk at his fellow veterans.

She's still rough around the edges and she definitely still has more room to improve, but the potential is there. He wouldn't have chosen her as part of his team in the first place if he didn't see that fire.

He wasn't surprised that Eld, Gunther and Oluo supported her, even when Petra was terrified to accept such a responsibility. Levi was firm in his decision.

In the end, Erwin stamped on his approval.

Levi was the one who pinned the insignia on her signifying her new position during today's pinning-on ceremony.

- - -

"Hey, Captain!"

"I think you should stop calling me that, Petra."

"Sorry. Habit." The ginger blushes slightly as she steps closer inside the apartment, basket in hand. "I bought something for you."

She brings out a few fruits from the basket, laying it down on the dining table in his humble apartment. "The farmer's market was on sale today and I had the chance to pass by before they closed."

"You didn't have to buy me all these, Petra."

"I had to use my pay raise for something, Captain," she jests. He wheels himself towards her to assist her with unloading the basket and they both work in silent contentment.

"So, how's your first day?" Levi asks after washing the fruits. Petra's face lights up at his question and the whole room seems to come alive as she chatters on.

"Holy Maria, Captain. I didn't know the team can be this stupid. No wonder you had dark eyebags after training us for years!"

- - -

It's been three months since he resigned from the Scouts. The new captain never fails to come home to the apartment he's renting near the Scout HQ everyday.

Come home? Tch. How delusional can you get.

He'd welcome her back every expedition and every training day. A part of him feels a bit of guilt gnaw on him when he sees how tired Petra is whenever she comes home, thinking of the time when he was her direct commanding officer.

"Captain, can I sleep here tonight?"

Now, he sees the sorrow and fatigue in her eyes. "You're always welcome here, Petra."

He offers to give up his bed for the night but she declines, saying that she'll be fine on the couch. She's unnaturally quiet, but he knows that this is how she typically is after expeditions.

They're both on the couch right now and she snuggles closer to him. Levi motions for her to lay her head on his lap, their boundaries thinning with every single visit.

He's quiet when he sees the tears start to fall from her eyes. Soon, Petra's sobbing and she wraps her arms desperately around him. His hand starts to slowly run through her ginger locks, hoping it gives her some comfort.

"She was the last in my and Oluo's batch." She starts, voice shaking and he gives her space to talk and mourn her comrade. "I wanted to save her... but it was either her or compromise the mission. I had to give the order."

"I'm sorry." Because if someone understands her better, it's him.

- - -

"Levi?"

It's the scout's day off today and they're all allowed to leave the vicinity to visit friends and family, or simply just to fuck around if they wanted.

Petra, not surprisingly, decides to spend another weekend with him.

"Hmm?" He's currently preparing their lunch, wheeling himself around the kitchen area.

"Did you ever think about settling down when you were still in the scouts?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her question. "And leave a widow crying on my grave? I didn't even have the time to date, Petra."

And he didn't even want to date someone else. Not when he kept having wet dreams about his own subordinate at that time.

"Well, you have a chance now, right?" Petra starts to help with laying down the dishes on the table. He looks at her, eyes taking in her body language. She's doing that thing with her hands again where she tries to occupy it with things to do whenever she's nervous. She's too tense for this to be some absent chatter.

"Just spit it out, Petra."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always here. In this apartment. Whether I'm back from training or meetings or expeditions," she starts. Levi wheels himself forward to grab their food from the small kitchen but he attentively listens to each of her words. Seeing that he won't be replying, Petra decides to continue.

"I like coming home to you, Levi. And I'm still devoted to you." Petra nervously says, the redness on her cheeks intensifying. Levi feels his heart thump at her last sentence. He stops what he's doing and looks straight into her amber eyes, the same moment as she reaches out to delicately hold both of his hands. "I'd like to continue doing so... if you'll have me in another way."

Bold as ever is the first thing that fondly came to his mind. He feels emotion start to climb up his throat but he never wavers in staring back at her. The next thing that came to mind wasn't exactly a thought, and the answer leaves his mouth with a certainty he didn't know he had.

"Okay," he quietly replies. Not much of a talker, as usual. Still, his sure answer was quite a surprise to the both of them.

Was it loneliness? That fear that he'd most likely die alone because of his automatic ability to push people away? Maybe it's some deep hidden desire to live a domestic life with someone—something that he allowed himself to fleetingly dream of while he was still in that underground hellhole—that he has since accepted wouldn't be in his future.

Until now.

He and Petra decided to have a shotgun wedding that same afternoon.

[idiots-in-black]

Hot Take: Dazai and Chuuya are friends in canon (1)

I love all the Enemies to Lovers content when it comes to soukoku, I really do. But I will admit, I’m one of the few people in this fandom who actually believes that Dazai and Chuuya do not hate each other.

Now, before I start to explain myself - I don’t want to argue they are romantically involved in canon or that there is a chance they could be (though I wish I could). Also, I’m only talking about events in the canon timeline, so no talking about Wan, Mayoi or anything out of the loads of promotional content. That sadly means I don’t have too much to work with but we’ll see how this goes.

1. Chuuya can see through Dazai

I vaguely remember this being stated in an interview. But that’s not the basis I want to argue on. 

Dazai is ... crafty. And manipulative. Was and is in canon. And on first glance, Chuuya seems to be fooled by that, too. Stuff like the comment on his shoes, for example. But this is small, innocent stuff, why would Chuuya even bother to think about it in more detail. 

But we do see him more perceptive when it comes to the deeper stuff. The first thing Chuuya says to Dazai after his introduction (and a bit of bickering) in the dungeon is “This smells fishy. You may be able to fool the inexperienced Akutagawa but not me. I am your old friend, after all.” (Yes, that last sentence is also canon). The situation in Dead Apple is similar - he knew, Dazai was up to something and he was absolutely sure, Dazai wasn’t dead but had precautions in motion. Even though it is pretty clear they did not talk to each other about this beforehand.

Chuuya is not able to figure out all the details to Dazai’s plans. Of course he isn’t, he may not be as stupid as people like to pretend but Dazai’s brain is on another level. But that’s not the point - he may not be as smart as Dazai but he knows Dazai and knows when he is up to something.

I imagine, for someone this intelligent but also so guarded like Dazai, it must be terrifying to realize there is a person who gets you. And this is a topic for another day but I do believe, this can also be a relief. It can lift a burden.

2. BuT THey HAtE EaCH oTHeR

Do I believe they annoy each other to no end? Absolutely. Does this mean they actually truly hate each other? Absolutely not.

I’ve seen people arguing that Dazai and Chuuya feel genuine hate for each other and nothing else. This really baffles me because while this may be something they say, their actions contradict this statement pretty much with everything they do. 

Chuuya had tons of opportunities to kill Dazai. He wouldn’t even have to do it himself, he could just ... not save him when his life is in danger. We have seen two instances in canon so far where Chuuya could have just left Dazai to die (Dragon’s Head Rush and the Dead Apple incident) but he didn’t. On the contrary, he literally risked his own life in Dead Apple to save Dazai even when Ango told him he was probably dead. You do not do that for someone you genuinely hate.

And I know,  Chuuya says in the dungeon “if you were that incompetent, I would’ve killed you a long time ago”. But I don’t think he said this because he actively tried but because he would not have accepted Dazai as his partner if he was.

Same with Dazai. He literally has Chuuya’s life in his hands whenever he uses corruption. It would be child’s play to just leave him but he doesn’t, instead he comes for him time and time again.

3. Chuuya isn’t Odasaku

I feel like people tend to compare Chuuya and Odasaku too much. It’s easy to make that mistake since Odasaku is to this day the one person who is actually in text confirmed to be very dear to Dazai. But the thing is - you can have multiple types of friendships and this doesn’t mean one is better or deeper than the other. They’re just different.

And I think, this is the case here. We know, Oda was a good friend and very important to Dazai, this is fact. Chuuya is very different from Oda and his relationship with Dazai is also very different than Oda’s relationship with him. However, that does not automatically mean, that Chuuya and Dazai can’t be friends.

Plus, do not forget - Dazai actively sought Chuuya out when he got captured, he did admit as much. Sure, his main objective was finding information about Atsushi’s bounty but it is also canon he foresaw Chuuya coming there and anticipated it.

4. Together they can be the children they were never allowed to be

They met at the age of 15, both of them at a point in their lifes where they had to mature way earlier than they should have. We’re not privy to a lot of details to Dazai’s life prior to meeting Mori. But it can’t have been fun when you look at him and how at 15 he is already obviously twisted in an unhealthy way. We know a little more about Chuuya but while he may not be as broken as Dazai was at 15, he was pretty much alone with the heavy burden of carrying Arahabaki inside himself and protecting the sheep kids.

At that time in Fifteen and I’d bet even for a long time after that, they’re the only people in each others lifes close in age and of similar status. They’re completely equal to each other, even when they get promoted to executives (btw, it seems to me and there are still too many people out there who don’t know that Chuuya was promoted at the same time as Dazai (or maybe even a little earlier?) and Dazai only got the title of youngest executive in Port Mafia history because he is younger than Chuuya by two months).

And you can see them just being children together. When they’re playing in the arcade and nearly every interaction they have as adults just screams childish antics to me. Which leads directly into:

5. The Fucking Bickering

They are just so incredibly ridiculous. I just cannot believe, people acutally think they hate each other. They talk to each other like old friends. Well, with a little more violent touch but I don’t think this is surprising considering the environment they grew up in. When they meet in the dungeon, the first thing they do is bicker for 20 pages before Chuuya proposes a duel (who even does that).

Then they fight for literally 3 pages, before Chuuya starts taunting Dazai again with words instead of beating him up like he said he would.

Now we got through the general stuff, but I will get into more detailed scene analysis in the second part of this post (yes, there will be a part 2). Because even looking directly at their scenes, they don’t read like scenes about enemies. So stay pumped!