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kateis-cakeis · 3 months ago

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Thinking about the structure of the Old Religion.

From what we know there's the Nine which refers to the High Priestesses of the Triple Goddess - powerful sorcerers who obtained immortality (unless killed by some form of magic), and performed important rituals of the Old Religion.

It is unknown if there was a High Priest equivalent, but Gaius in S1Ep13 does tell Merlin that "the High Priests have the power to mirror life and death". This suggests that perhaps there were High Priests of the Triple Goddess, and that they also had a Nine.

There's the Bendrui, women who failed to become part of the Nine. Just like those who eventually became High Priestesses of the Triple Goddess, they were chosen at birth for the priesthood - taken from their families and raised as initiates of the Old Religion. Despite their failure, Bendrui are practiced in potent magic, and appear to have above average gifts.

There's the Bloodguard, warrior priests who swore to protect the High Priestesses. They, like the High Priestesses, were the only people to ever set eyes upon the staff carved from the Rowan tree that grows at the very heart of the Isle of the Blessed.

It could be suggested that like the Bendrui, the Bloodguard could have been failed High Priests, but there is no evidence (other than the existence of the Bendrui, and the mention of High Priests) to truly suggest this.

It is also unknown if the Bloodguard served the Triple Goddess. It is possible that the priests served various different gods of the Old Religion, but due to their relation to the Nine specifically, it is likely these warrior priests served the Triple Goddess.

There's the Catha, which contains priests. (Alator is referred to being "of the Catha, warrior and priest", he also says "I'm a Catha priest").

It is unknown if they served the Triple Goddess, or a different god of the Old Religion (and we know they are priests of the Old Religion because Morgana says, "He's a Catha...priest of the Old Religion.").

They have their own language, however, suggesting that they are a unique culture, and perhaps even an ethnic group. (This is further supported by Alator saying Catha are trained from birth to master all physical pain, it is also said that they guard their ancient knowledge - which leans towards them being a people rather than just initiates of the Old Religion)

There's the Disir, the highest court of the Old Religion, made up of three women chosen at birth to be trained as seers and soothsayers. They are the mouthpiece of the Triple Goddess, and interpret her word. As Gaius says, "When they sat in judgement, their word was final". They pass on the runemark, which is both judgement and fate - it contains a person's guilt, as well as the path the gods have chosen for them.

There's the Druids, a peaceful people who worship the Old Religion and often possess magic. It's a part of their beliefs to help people in need of care, and therefore, those who weren't born a Druid can find a home amongst them (Morgana is one such example).

Moreover, the Druids look for children with the gift of telepathy to serve as apprentices (perhaps to keep them safe? perhaps to encourage their magic in childhood?). The Druids also have a tattoo of a triskelion somewhere on their body, perhaps as a part of a ritual (to indicate someone has become a Druid?).

While the Druids have an intimate knowledge of prophecy and destiny, especially regarding Emrys and the Once and Future King, they do not appear to be priests or priestesses in any form. Just like the Catha, they have their own language (called the Druid tongue and Druidic Runes by Gaius), therefore, it is possible that they too are a unique culture and/or an ethnic group.

There's the Isle of the Blessed, a sacred location of the Old Religion, said to be the centre of it, and the focus of its power - it is also where the power of the ancients can still be felt after the Great Purge. Artifacts such as the Rowan staff, the Cup of Life, and the Horn of Cathbhadh were kept there under the care of the High Priestesses. Furthermore, Morgana's healing bracelet was forged on Isle - suggesting that its power allowed for the creation of powerful artifacts (this is further supported by the Rowan staff which was carved from the tree that grows there).

In a deleted scene for S4Ep1, Morgause says when she was first brought to the Isle, the hallways were teeming with women - High Priestesses. Although it is said often within the fandom, canon never establishes if the initiates were trained on the Isle. This deleted scene, however, heavily suggests it.

There's the Caerlanrigh, a sacred spring within the Grove of Brineved. There, the Disir reside within a cave, where the spring feeds into an ancient pool - in which the Disir divine from. The old ways are at their strongest there, and it's at the very centre of their powers (whether Gaius meant the old ways or the Disir here is unclear).

There's the Cauldron of Arianrhod, a sacred site of the Old Religion. The lake contains the power of the White Goddess, who can be summoned to heal those affected by the Teine Diaga ritual. However, if such a person is tricked into entering the cauldron, their soul would be lost forever.

There's the Crystal Cave, said to be the birthplace of magic. It is filled to the brim with scrying crystals that show the past, present, and future. Taliesin used the cave as the source of his prophecies for the kings of old. And as much as the crystals can be controlled, they can force visions upon powerful sorcerers too.

The cave can also hold spirits within it, seen with both Balinor and Taliesin.

While this may have been the case for Merlin alone, the cave can restore a person's magic.

There are celebrations important to the Old Religion too, such as:

Samhain, a time of year where the people feel closest to the spirits of their ancestors, in which they celebrate their passing.

During Samhain it was traditional for the High Priestesses to gather on the Isle of the Blessed and perform a blood sacrifice to release the Dorocha. This was done on the stroke of midnight, when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest.

Since the Dorocha do not roam free in the world throughout the series, it is suggested that a second blood sacrifice was done by the High Priestesses - perhaps before the night was through - to close the veil once more.

In Camelot, a feast is held as part of the celebrations. (This suggests that while the Old Religion and its practices were abandoned during and after the Purge, the heart of the religion and its holidays were never replaced).

Beltane, a time of year where the High Priestesses would gather at the Great Stones of Nemeton and summon the spirits of their ancestors with the Horn of Cathbhadh. It opens the door to the Spirit World and allows the person who blew the horn to see and speak with their ancestor of choice.

In Camelot a feast is held as part of the celebrations (which much like Samhain seems indicate that the Old Religion has been around for so long that it cannot be removed from society entirely - that the people clung onto some traditions, including the royal family).

There's the Gods of the Old Religion, the Triple Goddess, the White Goddess, and Nemaine. It could be implied that the White Goddess, and the Earth Mother Nemaine are part of the Triple Goddess, but it is just as likely for them to be separate gods.

If so, the Triple Goddess is heavily associated with the Nine, destiny and fate, and the immortality of certain sorcerers. Perhaps she is also associated with the balance of the world, due to the power over life and death being tied to the High Priestesses and supposed High Priests.

The White Goddess, however, appears to be associated with one's soul and healing. It was only her power that could heal and retain Gwen's soul after Teine Diaga ritual.

The Earth Mother Nemaine is related to Gean Canach, as it is said her tears forged the creature. The book Gaius reads from has more information, and from what can be deciphered, it says that Nemaine first wept at the slaughter of war, resulting in the Gean Canach crawling out of the Earth's belly (there is more written on the page, but it is impossible to tell what it says). This suggests that Nemaine lives within the Earth's core, and that she is indeed associated with nature and living beings as her name implies.

Furthermore, since she wept at the slaughter of war, she is perhaps the god of life itself, but not of the entire cycle. And due to the Gean Canach's abilities, to devour and drain a sorcerer of their magic, it is likely that this war's slaughter was brought about by magic.

It is possible that The Earth Mother Nemaine could be related to the Pool of Nemhain. Despite having different spellings in the show (the subtitles), they have extremely similar pronunciations (even if it is a bit different). Perhaps they are unrelated, but if they are one and the same, it could be suggested that the Earth Mother is connected to death as well as life, due to the pool being the last of the Five Gateways to the Spirit World. (This contradicts what is analysed in the above paragraph, but this post is meant to speculate multiple possibilities.)

Honourable mentions:

It could be suggested that the Quest Ritual was once part of the Old Religion. It includes the heir to the throne of Camelot transcending their body in order to receive a vision of a quest. This quest is meant to prove their worth to the people, and their worthiness of the throne. The heir prepares themself by cleansing their body and dressing in white robes. They spend an entire night kneeling on the floor, barefoot, with their eyes closed.

Due to how Arthur reacts in the morning when Uther pulls him out of it, and how sacred the entire process appears to be, it is as if the heir is actually gifted with a vision of a quest. This is supported by his reaction, as he looks dazed when relays what he has seen. Therefore, it seems as if the ritual includes some form of magic due to the preparation, and if so, then it's likely it was a practice of the Old Religion (specifically for the heirs of Camelot? Due to Camelot's association with the very heart of magic?)

It has been around for hundreds of years, so it is not outside the realm of possibility that the Quest Ritual is so old that the general consensus has forgotten its ties to the Old Religion, or much like Samhain and Beltane, it is perhaps so baked into society that it couldn't be abandoned.

In S1Ep13, Merlin says that the "Old Religion died out centuries ago". Even in Series 1 this is far from true, but later seasons make this remark seem entirely ignorant. If anything, this sentiment comes from a post-Purge society, where the structures of the Old Religion no longer exist. Perhaps it is even propaganda that Uther pushed forward as people became more fearful over the years, turning away from the old ways despite once practicing such beliefs (and for the people of Camelot, still practicing some of those beliefs).

It is possible this was a retcon but if so then it's directly retconned in S1Ep13 when it's revealed that Nimueh is a High Priestess.

Anyhow, in response to Merlin's ignorance, Kilgharrah says, "The Old Religion is the magic of the Earth itself. It is the essence which binds all things together. It will last long beyond the time of men".

This shows that the Old Religion doesn't just refer to the religion and the gods, but rather it is the very magic that makes up the fabric of the world, and as Balinor says in S2Ep13 it's either a part of you or it isn't. This suggests that it is indeed not just a religion, but the very world, the Earth, magic.

He also goes on to say that Merlin must "find those who still serve it", which shows that Uther very much didn't succeed in eradicating the structure of the Old Religion entirely, at least at that point in the show. And perhaps that anyone could serve it, even after the very structure collapsed.

All this is to say that the Old Religion is extremely pagan. The structure itself is vague perhaps because Old Religion is personal, it is vague. The differences between the High Priestesses, the Catha, and the Druids make this clear. Following the Old Religion's beliefs, traditions, and holidays is personal and spiritual because it varies, because there is no wrong way. Because there are no set rules or a real structure at all. The High Priestesses had power, yes, but this seems to come directly from the Triple Goddess herself, rather than a societal standing.

Nimueh was at court, and she was Uther's friend, but she was also very quickly thrown from the court after Ygraine died. And yes, the High Priestesses went to war with the Ancient Kings, but that appears to be a difference in factions, rather than let's say the Christian church and its power over the centuries.

Therefore, I propose that the Old Religion as a religion was loose in its structure, that it never died out like Merlin said (which does seem to be a post-Purge sentiment), but instead simply changed and evolved, and continued to exist even after the Purge, with its holidays in Camelot, and with the Druids and their practices/beliefs.

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Overall, the information we have on the structure of the Old Religion is vague and patchy. This was perhaps intentional so the writers could work around existing canon to introduce new concepts without being constricted by their past worldbuilding. But that's getting into the Intentional Fallacy, so I'll leave that there.

It appears that the High Priestesses had the most power in society, due to their past wars with the Ancient Kings, and their sheer power and knowledge. Not to mention their artifacts and control over creatures like the Fomorroh.

But there are different beliefs and structures to the Old Religion, like with the Catha and the Druids, suggesting that there are multiple ways to worship and follow the Old Religion.

The many sacred sites show that there are different powers and sources to the Old Religion that have different purposes. Like how the path to the Cauldron of Arianrhod was lined with banners for pilgrims, not to necessarily summon the White Goddess, but to visit the site. Or how the Isle of the Blessed is a powerful religious site, while the Crystal Cave is a fairly legendary and unknown place that few ever get to see.

In conclusion, the Old Religion is vast and has many facets to it. There is some structure, but it doesn't seem entirely necessary in order to follow the Old Religion. And in reality, it is inherent to the Earth, it is magic itself.

#bbc merlin #merlin #i think that about covers everything and has about all i wanna analyse and speculate on :)#this is really a summary that will be helpful to me and probably only to me i expect this will get no notes :P #i love the old religion i really think it's cool and i like how there's gaps we can fill in with fanfic but it's always important to look #back at canon and understand what's actually there what the story says about it #and yeah I wrote this entire post because i was pondering something for my fic - mainly how much Camelot is tied #to the Old Religion which it really seems to be? like everything centres around it the heart the birthplace and such #and maybe there's that kinda thing in other kingdoms but I don't know if that's true given the Isle of the Blessed and hell even Avalon #i didnt include Avalon and Sidhe here because that doesn't quite apply to the human interpretation of the Old Religion #there's only one distinct thing i could say about it and that's the fact that Avalon is only seen by mortals when they're #about to die which links it to death and perhaps the Spirit World but it still appears to separate and more to do with the #Sidhe which seem to exist outside the conventions of the Old Religion we often see in the show - given that their #spell language is different (Old Irish as opposed to Old English much like how the Dragonlord tongue is Greek)#and like Avalon is not related to the structure of humans - and if I included it I'd have to include the dragons and such and that is #out of the scope of this post and it's already long enough so hey ho here have these tags :P #this is a 2.9k post including tags haha XD hope you have the setting on for long posts because im not putting this under a cut

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authenticaussie · 3 months ago

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May I request Sad Dad Times for WIP Weekend please? That sounds fun (for me, if not for anyone actually in the fic) 💚

Sad dad time is a two for one special!!!!!!!

"You ruined it!" Damian shouts, and then hates the drop of guilt that forces his blood from his face. It's true, and it's real, and it's Tim's fault that his Father returned, but it's not fair to say it was ruined, how could he have ruined something Damian had waited his whole life for-

But his father had been overbearing. Had been stern, quiet, and demanding, with no clear goals for Damian to exceed. But his father had been disappointed in him, had pulled away during the first few awkward attempts Damian had made to find common ground, and it - this - felt like a fracture in a wound he had never noticed.

But Damian had waited his whole life for his father's love, and his father had not been the one to give it to him.

Timothy stares at him with confusion and frustration warring in his gaze, an exasperated edge to his tone when he says, “Look, baby brat, I'm allowed to join you and B for dinner.”

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It was with baited breath that the people of Gotham waited for Bruce's curse; with parents such as his, with a silver spoon and want for nothing, it would be strong but lovely. What price would stand in the way of another Wayne patriarch improving the city, and how often could Bruce pay it?

There was no question of if he would; you always had to, no matter what, and what Wayne would hold back from serving Gotham?

And then there was the murder.

The lovely string of fake pearls scattered along the streets of Park Row, and Bruce Wayne, too young, huddled insensate over his parents' bodies. By the time the police arrived, they were long dead, and the blood had soaked into Bruce's pants.

It was a spectacle when Gordon and Pennyworth helped him to his feet, for that was when they thought that the last Wayne had been injured too, blood blooming over his chest and dripping down his arms, and the pictures of Bruce's curse and Alfred Pennyworth were front news for the next week.

What an irony, they whispered, when the news came out, that she would have served him better alive then dead.

What an irony, that Thomas' curse had been twisted so much, in the tragedy, that Bruce's bleeding heart became reality.

It had been hard to get news of the Wayne heir after that; the pictures of him could be constituted as gore, sometimes, with the way blood would seep through any fabric he wore, and no-one in Gotham was truly comfortable with the fact that their city's most prominent figure was now the child that had seen his parents die. They were just curses - but this one felt pointed, felt sad, and while it was never easy to live with a Gotham curse, at least the fridge having teeth was a silly story to share with friends, in comparison to the constant tragedy Bruce Wayne wore.

It was almost a relief when he vanished. Even more so when, upon his return, the bleeding had eased - and Bruce had taken to wearing red undershirts under his suits, well-disguising his bleeding heart.

Alfred Pennyworth never told anyone about the blood trails through Wayne Manor, which had not abated in the intervening years, nor did he talk about what did eventually ease Bruce Wayne's curse.

After all - everyone knew you had to pay the price of your curse, and no Wayne would hold back from serving Gotham.

#sad dad time #number one is: man i bet damian has some wildly complicated feelings about the fact that #he thought hus dad was dead and his dad was also kind of a dick prior to that and #the person he started to lean on. who helped change him. now no longer occupies space in his life.#and number 2 is. DAMN wouldn't it be fucked up if i was REALLY MEAN to the batfam?#ala: hey Gotham's Fucked Up Man. it's just a silly little totally normal thing that all gothamites get cursed as they grow up :))#yeah my curse is that pencils always break in my hand.#and my friend told me that her brother's neighbour's sister keeps killing everything she touches! what no I've course I've never met her #other background curses i plan to sprinkle in: everytime you open the fridge it's full of eyes.#you can't drive motor vehicles because they always break down #none of your mail arrives at your address ever #your pants always rip in exactly the same spot every time. does not apply to skirts.#but the batfam ;3c their curses shall be Revealed in Due Time.#or you know. when i finish the fic dhdhdh #Bruce's is quite easily the bleeding heart!#alfred is British and not a gothamite so he doesn't have one #ask aussie #wip Weekend #moriartea42 #THANK YOU FOR SENDING AN ASK 🥺🥺❤️❤️ I LOVE ASKS

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mithrilhearts · 1 year ago

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Hey!! So I made a carrd, which doubles as a second masterlist AND it's going to have fic recs on there as well (which I have several to add still, so it's kinda bare right now), but yeah, this has my contact info, a little about me, and just a prettier place to list my stories!

#razzy's rambles #so uhhhh this has all my fics listed on it too and looks nicer #also some fic recs #but that part is still under construction #i worked hard on this just so things would look pretty LOL #the hobbit #hobbit fic #bagginshield #(yeah i'm tagging all of those because they apply)#maeve writes

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lamentfulwarbler · 4 months ago

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Bingo! (Part 2)

My second bingo from @feedthefandomfest ‘s original bingo card!

Previous Bingo (and recommended fics) linked here

THE BINGO FICS:

Leave a comment that is half emojis: Birds of a feather (we should stick together, I know) by athenacykesss

Find a comment you agree with and reply explaining why (1): Half and Half by avengersasssemble

Free Space!

Here I’ve decided to recommend a fic I’ve commented on several times in the past, as it felt wrong leaving a spot empty.

Leafing Through The Pages, I Found You by YunaYamiMouto

Comment on a WIP (2) and Comment on a fic posted at least 3 years ago (3) were linked in the previous post.

(1) Adjusted for comfort. Left a comment starting with ‘agree with [that one commenter]’, instead of directly replying.

(2) Comment on a WIP: skk socmed au by TW1NDARKNESS

(3) Comment on a fic posted at least 3 years ago: a hand to hold through the trying times by CharlieTheGrape

#feedthefandomfest #comment bingo #fandom: bungo stray dogs #ship: soukoku #<- applies to all (again)#fun fact: the fic i recommended in the Free Space slot is one of the most commented on fics in the fandom!#made that adjustment bc I can’t even escape social anxiety online #the anxiety chest pains are constant bro— free me!! /lh #decided to remove the summaries as my brain got all antsy abt ‘hey what if that counts as reposting’#so yeah. just the links now I’m afraid!#can’t remove them from the 1st one that was reblogged but I’ll do my part in removing them from the og

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mutalune · 5 months ago

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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

#starlight personal #the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening #the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope #now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed #because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that #2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences #4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it #treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great #treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body #idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing #PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks #ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months #until my next appointment #which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps #I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides #also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is #also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough #this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering #but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly #which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose #(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own #I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient #and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to #like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here #so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here #I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly #make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad

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milflewis · 1 year ago

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do you think writers get enough credit and notes and stuff on here?

on tumblr dot com? lol nearly died laffin there thank u

#THIS APPLIES TO ALL CONTENT CREATORS B. T. W.#no ???? have u ever looked at a notes ratio ??? u dickheads all like shit which is good !!!!! luv a like ! but can u reblog as well ???#not only for the interaction and to spread it but also so we can see ur thoughts ! i adore tags. i eat that shit UP #literally. i have read certain tags over n over and still remeber now #and esp here bc i write a lot of rpf and ppl can be Weird about that so comment ! then it’s not on ur blog ! but we still get a little boost #also. pls pls pls pls comment on ao3. i cannot express to u the sheer amount of serotonin a comment there gives me #tell me ur fav line ! tell me ur thoughts ! tell me if ur rereading it or where ur reading it or if it reminded u of smth !#or even just: hey i enjoyed reading this. thumbs up! simple as that!#and like. this shit is also for ur benefit??? i have literally written fics bc i know ppl enjoy them (see: mark and my george/lewis fics)#yeah a lot of my fics are bc that shit is eating away at my brain n i’m starting to rot but i aso write a good but bc i know there will be #someone who likes it ! (see also: kyle and ugh. schuclerc)#niamh.asks

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lesbiansanemi · 1 year ago

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Things to make me lie down and contemplate everything. 400 ppl liking my writing enough that they want a notification when there’s something new

#one person in the comments of last sunrise also said I was their favorite renkaza writer #I. I. LIKE MAN I DUNNO #I am literally always under the assumption that people like. tolerate my creator endeavors #like maybe they’re not bad but they’re not GOOD and they’re kind of mildly annoying to everyone around me #(we can thank my family for mercilessly mocking every interest I ever had as a kid for that one)#I have had ONE person irl who has always responded v positively and passionately when I talk about my projects #(hiiiiii Lee ily for this)#and it’s like. oh. oh wow. this kinda stuff is always like whiplash to me because of it #it shocks me when ppl comment or oh my god when they ask me QUESTIONS about fics #like they WANT me to talk more about them #I’m too anxiety ridden to really even talk about them on MY dumb tumblr account cuz I worry about being annoying #because me being excited about working on something = annoying in my brain #(and like it’s never anyone else I see literally ANY other person posting about their art or ideas or processes and I’m like OMG AWESOME)#(it’s literally just me that this applies to 😭😭😭)#so yeah. ppl ask about fics. people say they’re excited about them. ppl even say they THOUGHT about them #and it baffles and confuses me and blows my mind #anyways. the point is. Ty ily I can’t believe you all like anything I made #but I’m trying to get better about getting over this mindset #and seeing physical proof in numbers that it really is ridiculous definitely helps #kaz rambles

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girlscience · 1 year ago

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trying to get to better as a person is so nauseating. was lonely yesterday so i messaged friends to try and plan hang outs. forced myself to ask about reference letters today even though i turned bright red and felt like crying. messaged friends tonight to ask if they could help keep me accountable so i don't feel like i'm doing everything alone. barf. i hate this. i want to hide in a hole

#THIS IS GOOD FOR ME IT WILL HELP BUT IT REQUIRES CHANGE #and i am realizing maybe i am significantly worse with change than i thought i was #ie my parents and sister and a few other people think i should apply to more schools #specifically more schools outside my comfort zone #and it would be so cool!!!! but it requires me to change the idea of 4 schools to like 6 or 8 #and change from a few hours from home to like a days drive away or FARTHER #and this is already going to change my whole life's routine #and i'll be away from all my friends and family already #and i am just remembering how awful that was the first go around in undergrad #and maybe i am super scared of that happening again #and also i need to reach out about GA positions and that means i have to talk to professors #which is scary and also a change from undergrad cause i avoided talking to them as much as possible #and i am just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #so. hopefully some of this will help but also. i am crying inside. a lot.#i also need to change my fanfic habits because i honestly think it is like... the most time sucking thing in my life #and part of me wishes i never started reading fic because it gets in the way of me doing literally everything else i need to do #but stopping or even just cutting down on it is killer #but on the bright side i have been on youtube a lot less recently and leave it deleted off my phone for longer periods of time #which is good!!! it means i'm not on my phone as much #but yeah. stuff and things and trying to do stuff that's good for me is the worst

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the-kipsabian · 9 months ago

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also lmao i havent received rejection emails in a while since i didnt apply to anything the entire last month, oh how fun that you have returned to me again disappointment in my ability to go for entry level positions /s

#i think theres a single place from my 10 january applications that hasnt responded yet. so im considering it as good as gone too #and we are now hitting the incredibly awful times for job searching since basically all summer jobs are gone so applying to anything is bad #the only good thing is that i have no deadlines or requirements as of right now. i havent been contacted by officials since my last ones #expired in january but i keep being able to file for unemployment benefits so. idk man. i dont wanna contact them cause then my four #applications a month requirement returns and its SO fucking stressful #like maybe thats why i was much better last month. i didnt have to do that. i would have sent out applications even without the requirement #if there was places but there were like. nothing. so i didnt. and i feel sooooo much better about it #like ofc i would like a job still. obviously. but at the same time when i didnt have to send useless applications that just made me feel #fuck awful and useless and all the other negative emotions? yeah i do feel better. ''surprisingly'' lmao #..im just rambling at this point wowie anything to procrastinate starting a fic i guess lmao #night is an absolute mess on main

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merlin-wolfgang-trades-hale · 2 years ago

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One of my on-going project snippets. Avatar!Steve

“Why is Danny’s place still frozen?” Steve demanded as soon as he saw Duke.

“Our water-benders are trying, but there is a limit to their ability,” Duke replied.

Steve’s clarity was being disrupted by his worry over Danny, so he snapped, “Limit? It’s ice! They’re water-benders!”

Duke often revered to Steve with the respect gained by his rank, in both military and as Avatar, as well as the respect he was born with as a McGarrett. But in that moment, he was an older Hawaiian native who gave a strict gaze as he reminded Steve of where they lived. “You have traveled far and seen many other places. Maybe it has escaped your memory that out of all the benders that live or visit our small islands, water is arguably the one with most restrictions and rules. Only a limited few water-bending masters exist here who are experienced with colder temperatures and ice or snow manipulation.”

Steve closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself before he opened them again and apologized. “Sorry, Duke. It’s...it’s Danny, y’know?”

“I do. And I know that there’s no one else on this island who knows those ice bending restrictions better than him. Given how much flack he got in the early months of him being here. So I understand your concern...but these ice structures were created by Danny himself. They’re fortified with the strength that will take the Hawaiian August sun hours to melt. We can’t get inside yet.”

“Yeah, well...I’m here now. Let me work.” It was nearly a threat but it most certainly was a warning. Duke called off the benders and let Steve try.

Steve has begun his water bending training but it was with the basics. Learning to alter the water’s temperature to make it freeze or unfreeze wasn’t anywhere near the curriculum. Didn’t mean he didn’t try. Except he was too angry because he didn’t want to be worried.

So he stopped trying to water-bend the ice away and instead unleashed his fury with his fire-bending until he saw some of the ice give way before earth-bending a stalagmite to shatter it’s way through.

I started thinking about world building rules and them being applied to different fandom. Implementing the Avatar bending to H50, and it made me think. Being surrounded by so much water, water benders are pretty dangerous. They always have a weapon, and if they’re mastered it enough the humidity in the air, even if there isn’t an obvious body of water, they still have access to it( never mind potential gangs and criminal organization potentially having Blood Benders).

Then I was thinking, how much of the average tourist would a)not know a fuck shit about the proper water temperature a place, it’s plant life, and animal life need to remain stable? And b)would be assholes to try and make their own waves or bigger waves or retaliate against anyone or to show off?

Beaches in an Avatar AU would have STRICT rules in place. Lifeguards might need to be specially trained to like a military level to secure the peace, ensure the safety of native plant and animal life.

Water benders, no matter the profession or life style they lead/live, if they’re in Hawaii they are limited to just water bending. Healing, yes...but when it comes to temperature control...there are like...two official water bending MASTERS who know how to turn water into snow or ice. And it’s become a thing where it’s just been like that for so long that no one really questions it unless they’re not from there.

I made Danny a Water-Bender and with how winters are on the east coast, and because I personally headcanon Danny to just have a more affinity to colder climates, to him ice and snow are second nature. And because he came from a big city where younger water benders as young as 7-8 year olds make their first bit of chump change by offering to snow-bend the drive ways of little old ladies or get more allowance if they wake up and defrost their parent’s car...when Danny first came to Hawaii as he followed Grace, seen as an outsider with the element that may have the most restrictions, particularly in his specialty. It was hard but Danny learned to ‘control’ himself..aka adjust his mannerism. (He’s always in control. Just...things that were normal for him are a big deal on the island, but he has never been out of control of his element. Danny is also a Blood Bender and that’s why but it’s not knowledge anyone knows and he’s terrified of anyone learning)

Steve has seen plenty of Danny’s power, potential, and most importantly his control. It’s why Steve chose Danny to be his Water bending master instead of the native Hawaiian born they wanted to assign him. There are also a lot of deeper feelings involved, so Steve hearing that Danny elsa fortressed himself means something is very wrong!

but on like a lighter note, when they need something from Kamekona, Danny has bribed him with water-bending him x-lbs of shaved ice.

#what is time anymore?#some time ago I think my darling cowandcalf tagged me in a wip tag game but I haven't really had the time #I have two other fics in the avatar au verses but they were on a whim of what I wanted #which is valid sure but I do want to tackle it again but with...a more serious hand #The weight of the Avatar resting on Steve's shoulders as he came into his powers late #he struggles with being fair when he was brought up in the American Navy when he now has to represent the spirits and elemental benders of #ALL four nations as 5-0 becomes a more international/global kind of task force #Danny's backstory is expanded as his powers and abilities are applied in ways that would really bond him and Steve #through a lot more angst and trauma and they keep coming into these situations where they keep ending up choosing the other #when they've either never been the one chosen or the one left behind #And Steve's hero status is questioned by his loyalty to Danny because rather than let Danny be sacrificed for the greater good #Steve taps into his Avatar State to save Danny(probably from Colombia and in the process make political waters muddy)#And eventually Danny blood bends to save Steve and they would break or rewrite the rules of nature EVERY time if it means they can save the #other...whom they love with all their hearts #so anyway yeah this is something I'm working on when the motivation and inspiration strike xD

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