#tell me ur fav line ! tell me ur thoughts ! tell me if ur rereading it or where ur reading it or if it reminded u of smth !
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milflewis · 1 year ago
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do you think writers get enough credit and notes and stuff on here?
on tumblr dot com? lol nearly died laffin there thank u
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osarina · 7 months ago
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(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)
OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!
gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)
"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"
STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP
"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."
self-explanatory
“Are you calling me ugly?” 
u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up
the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO
“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”
ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck
"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."
i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ
ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr
“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 
i giggled
PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO
these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!
RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG
honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞
UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY
the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it
AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)
oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB
bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀
HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD
RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS
i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it
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phdmama · 1 year ago
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11, 19, and 26 for the book asks if you haven't done them. 🥰
Ooo thank you pal!!
11. the best book u have ever read?
OH MAN that is really a tough one! I'm not sure I can pick just one! I'm trying to think about what I go to for my rereads. I really loved The Stand (the unabridged version, exceedingly dated now I'm sure but it just, like captivated me). I absolutely loved Marge Piercy's Gone to Soliders, that was another one where I started it and stayed up all night because I just could not stop. I haven't reread it in ages though, so I can't speak to how it holds up. Same for a bunch of John Irving, I don't know if it works now but when I first read things like Owen Meany or Hotel NH or Garp, I just. God, I loved them. I've been reading SO MUCH fic for a long time now, so I could tell you like, so many fics from so many different pairings.
19. a book u came across randomly but ended up loving it?
Okay, please don't judge me. But, I came across the Mortal Instruments at like, TJ Maxx I think? And they sort of looked like a thing I'd like, so I got them (just the first 3 books) and I just really really enjoyed them! I know Cassandra Clare is... a problem and like, there are just too many, I haven't kept up, but they were fun and lightweight but also had a tiny bit of depth to them... Yeah, they were very fun.
26. ur fav quote from a book?
This is actually quote from an essay, so not a book, but it came across my life a very very long time ago, at a time where I was in terrible trouble emotionally/mentally and it just. It was so profoundly important for me, and I ended up having the essay as a reading at my wedding, but it's this part:
Forms join us to time, to the consequences and fruitions of our own passing. The Zen student, the poet, the husband, the wife-none knows with certainty what he or she is staying for, but all know the likelihood that they will be staying "a while": to find out what they are staying for. And it is the faith of all these disciplines that they will not stay to find out that they should not have stayed.
    That faith has nothing to do with what is usually called optimism. As the traditional marriage ceremony insists, not everything we stay to find out will make us happy. The faith, rather, is that by staying, and only by staying, we will learn something of the truth, that the truth is good to know, and that it is always both different and larger than we thought.
Something about that line, it is the faith of all these disciplines that they will not stay to find out that they should not have stayed, it just feels like a foundation for me. I stayed, and I am so thankful I did!
(sorry didn't mean to get too heavy haha - once a philosophy major, always a philosophy major I guess)
ask game(book edition)
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toruro · 1 year ago
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ughdiughjdsk HELP ME. gna go insane under the cut :3
thea omg i was just raving abt ur jihoon fic and then i read this one and ... I AM BLOWN AWAY arrghd waiting patiently for u to come out w more bangers (will be stalking ur masterlist until then) bc WFT! I LOVE THE WAY U WRITE! today i actually had the time to sit down and screenshot my fav parts so we are going to be dissecting everything rn hehe
first of all idk why but this whole series of thoughts was just very funny 2 me and flowers super duper well! the little thing abt ethics committee made me bc i was like! oh right! she works in humanities! at a uni! it makes sense! idk i just love how reader's world is rly fleshed out and it's so fun:
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this line made me SCREAM. why is this so mingyu why can i exactly imagine him saying this:
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reader is so real and i love how u include this thought process! like she's very realistic and it's so nice to see her think things out so thouroughly:
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ah yes. the very, very big problem that is dilf gyu
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nooo bc why did u do my beloved chan like that:
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he's such a little shit it's so funny and i love him:
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OKAY THE WORDING HERE IS JUST. AMAZING LIKE i can feel reader's raw emotions and how exposed it all feels i love it:
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the image this painted into my head is not good for my health:
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again phenomenal wording like i can't get over it! reread this part so many times because it's just so well done i'm actually crazy:
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as always i don't break down the smut bc that sends me into a frenzy and it is 2 hot and i have to be up 2 early tmrw to be losing my sanity tonight ... i will say though that it was *amazing* like i love how u write w the two of them being equally obsessed w each other bc i feel like the whole scene means so much more when they're disgustingly in love lol I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC IF U COULD NOT TELL
again ... i keep saying this but just the way u write is super satisfying to me ... like i swear u just have a way w words bc i love the different ways you move the plot, progress time, and it all flows super well while always changing it up and making it super engaging! i'm not describing this very well but! i know u said u make a lot of these choices w out thinking so honestly kudos to u bc the stylistic choices in ur writing are just so. like idk THEY;RE SO WELL DONE AND FUN TO READ I LOVE IT SO MUCH! rly rly enjoyed this :3 keep up the good work thea
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IS THIS TOO MUCH?
When Mingyu helps you up with your boxes, you don't think too much of it, really, but when he shows up in the hall with a kid in his arms - something changes.
✦ KIM MINGYU - f!reader
✦ Genre: neighboors-to-lovers, daddy!Mingyu (slightly), angsty (slighlty), smut (minors don't interact), a little bit of health problems, oral sex (f! receiving), unprotected sex (don't do this at home), reader has a few insecurities so keep that Mingyu.
✦ word count: 11k+
✦ Title inspired by Carly Ra Jepsen - Too much.
✦ Thea note: Mingyu is so boyfriend coded I want to punch a wall, lately been thinking about daddy!mingyu a lot and how that would look like, but also Mingyu is not an easy character I swear this was a struggle, but here it is - and of course, it has a pussy drunk mingyu scene. Also thanks again @ni-aaaaaaa for helping me with this one 🫶
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Moving is hard. Moving places is hard. Moving places almost across the country is harder.
So here you are - struggling to hold the elevator and a load boxes, but then he arrives - a knight in shiny armor or just a fit guy in gym clothes and sweats.
"Do you need help with that?" he asks pointing to the boxes.
"Hi, hm -" You start, and you want to be the crazy strong independent lady who doesn't need help, you listened to Destiny Child for fuck sake, you can pay your bills and load your boxes on the goddamn elevator, but you are so freaking tired. It's the second round of boxes and you will probably need to do more and drive to hand over the moving truck, but all you need and truly want is to take a shower, get rid of the sweat, and lay down with arms and legs open on your bed like you are a starfish. But then you remember, did you pack the body soap in the backpack? Suitcase? Boxes n 03 with bathroom-related things? And the bed sheets? Fuck.
"Do you have more or?" The nice guy with strong arms and gym clothes asks already lifting the three boxes at once, putting them in the elevator and stepping in the elevator door and letting you in.
"I have a few more in the truck but-" You click on the fourth floor button.
"Oh" He says pointing at the button and at you. "We’re neighbors, nice. You’re probably in the Mrs Smith apartment, right? Lovely lady, it was nice that her daughter took her in after she moved." The guy continues and you don't quite follow but hey, he is already unloading and leaving the boxes at the 03 door so you gonna take all the help. "Do you want to put them in or do you want to pick up the other boxes on the truck?"
"You don't actually need to-" You ask trying to be a polite neighbor and not a pushover, but Mr. Nice Guy and nice arms cuts you off.
"Oh don't worry, I didn't do back or arms today, if I don't need to squat too much it's alright" He says, big smile gracing his face as he tilts his head and, oh god ,he is quite hot and he is just so nice and big all over and you’re way too tired so you don't want to take the last few boxes and do a fourth trip to the garage when you can do just two - maybe one if the nice guy with big arms lift more than you think in his everyday trip to the gym. So, you just accept, because he could do what your noodles arms could never: lift more the two boxes at once.
"Look,” You say tidying the boxes near your door because you are a good neighbor and you don't want someone to trip in the hall because of you. "I'm very grateful, and I drove for like, more than ten hours, so I'm taking all the help I can get. And I don't know your diet but I'm so buying pizza after this so if you want you can joy. Like paying for all your service with a half of pizza."
So that's how you end up with nice-guy-strong-arms-buff-chest in your new apartment and learn that his name is actually Kim Mingyu and that he’s a software engineer and that he mainly goes to the gym to see people otherwise he would not get out of the house because he works remotely. So you also give your resume-of-life talk that you worked on rehearsing in that ten hour drive - needed to change cities because working on research isn't easy, new PhD in town, works on gender studies, and has a side hustle with a nonprofit.
"Oh, so you are smart smart,” Mingyu replied with a mouth full of pizza, trying to wash it down with coke.
"Nah,” You reply in the same situation. "Dumb enough to go into humanities actually.”
"Hey! That's nothing wrong with humanities," He says. "Once I wanted to be an archeologist - that goes into humanities, right?"
"I don't really know, probably?"
And you and Mingyu guy don't really turn into friends per se - and that's mainly your fault. He’s easy going and always talks to you in the elevator or hall when you’re going to the university and he’s going to the gym. He tells you to knock on his door for a movie, tells you that you both can go to a coffee shop nearby, and tells you that he knows nice restaurants, but you never quite follow his ideas.
You could say that it was because of your routine.  Kind of excruciating; you had a few classes to actually teach, research to plan and execute, and because you were the new one in the department, all the extra winter and summer courses to plan and teach was your obligation. Yey new job!
But the actual reason is that, yes, you are overloaded with your new job, and with the new city, and with new everything. So, when Mingyu asks you just can't bring yourself to actually do it. Part of you thinks he is just being nice, just trying to be friendly, he does have that kinda puppy energy going around him - too big, too excited, too much all over the place and knocking into everything. But part of you is scared that Mingyu nice-guy-all-over might be trying something with you that you can't actually handle right now. 
Because sometimes you catch how Mingyu looks at you - eyes lingering.. And God, this works wonders to your self-esteem. Once, when you actually wore your gym clothes and he was in his jeans for a change, you could see him visibly gulping on the hallway. He asked why he never saw you at his gym, you answered the only way possible, you don't go to the gym, you are one of the runs at the park lunatics, and he said it was a pity really, maybe he can start running and going to the park.
Or that time when you had to go to a nice dinner - fundraising and meeting people was the worst part of the job, but hey, you needed the money and the funds to go around interviewing women in politics across the country, so you put the nicest black dress you had and a pair of high heels. And when you leave the house, you scream to the person in the elevator to wait and do the silliest run in those shoes and it was Mingyu – dressed joggers and hair ruffled, contrasting to your polished appearance. "Hot date?" he asked in a small voice head tilting to look at you because even with your highest heels, he was still taller. "I wish, work, and you?" You answered. "Bad day.  Gonna pick up some beer." And you left the elevator just to see Mingyu ogling at your ass and getting flustered because of it.
So maybe when he asked you out you always brushed over, never actually said no. But you never said yes either. Because even though you were actually trying to handle all the other things in your life and a relationship did fall into the 'not-now-category' or in the 'probably-will-make-me-insane', you liked having Mingyu there, in the back of your mind, filling up your fantasies and what-ifs. It may be a bitch move, but it was what you could handle right now, because really, handling the new job, in a new city, basically friendless, and almost crying at your kitchen table, because one of the students needed a week extension and that alone was almost driving you insane. 
So having Mingyu on the back of your mind was the only thing you could handle right now. Mingyu and his big hands, strong arms and his nice fucking smile, and oh god, he did smell good. Your mind could - and would - wonder when you both got together on that dumb elevator and how you want to climb him like a goddamn tree. And sometimes you let your mind wander and think how everything would go if you said yes. If you went to a nice restaurant, what would happen? Would everything go smoothly and you end up on his sheets? Or yours? How would it feel having Mingyu in your bed? You have all the questions and none of the answers.
So, when you see Mingyu with a mini-Mingyu at his side, arms full of bags, and struggling to close his kid’s coat, you get a little mind blown. You think a little and Mingyu never actually talked about having a son or a daughter you couldn't really tell, and then you blame yourself maybe he didn’t say anything because you never said yes. You never went to the nice restaurant or the coffee shop. And then it fucks you up a bit, because what else do you not know about him - maybe silly things like what is his favorite food? What movies does he like? What in his binge-watch list?
Did Mingyu get married? He’s probably divorced - you think - because you never saw that kid before so mini-Mingyu didn’t live with Big-Mingyu, and also you never saw a woman and you think that if Mingyu was married he would not be looking at your ass in every step of the way down to the garage - or at least you hope not. Oh god, you don’t want to be a homewrecker, but then again, Mingyu doesn’t look like the guy who would do that: hit on you if he was in a relationship. Then it dawns on you, maybe, maybe he was just being friendly.
Right?  
But when Mingyu picks mini-Mingyu in his arms, still with too many bags and gives you a big, warm smile, you almost freeze.
“Hey,” He says clicking the elevator’s button. “Going to the Uni?” He asks as you go to his side, Mini-Gyu’s big eyes on your face - so you just give the little kid your best smile.
“Yep, one professor is out of town so I have a few extra classes this week to teach the kids the joy of classical sociology,” You say eyes leaving Mini-Gyu and actually going to Big-Gyu, and your mind gets fucked up a bit, because one, how do genes work? That kid is actually Mingyu's carbon copy and of course, you have not stepped in biology classes in a few years - but you are pretty sure that cloning is not yet allowed - maybe you should check it out in the ethics committee or something. Maybe Mingyu is committing some kind of crime.
“Nice,” And Mingyu finally looks at the kid who is still staring at you. “This is Minseok.” He says kind of rocking the kid up and down trying to adjust the begs on his shoulder. “Minseok and I are going to the park for a picnic date, aren't we, Minseok?” But Minseok doesn't actually answer, Minseok just hides his face on Mingyu’s shoulder, looking a little shy and you smile because he looks like he just got caught staring.
“Do you need help or?” You ask seeing how Mingyu continues to struggle.
“Nah, this little guy will just walk. He is just being shy he doesn’t know how to act in front of pretty girls,” And you can actually feel the pink in your cheeks and now you quite understand Minseok and the urge to hide. And maybe, maybe Mingyu is hitting on you in every damn elevator trip.
"Poor baby," You coo and you can actually see Mingyu's legs giving up a little and picking himself up. Minseok looks at you, hand closed in your direction, you give him an open palm and he shyly drops a little sticker. "Oh! Thank you very much," You say hand closing against your chest, analyzing the little Pikachu sticker.
"Oh god, I'm raising a womanizer," Mingyu says ruffling the kid’s hair. "Did you already feel in love with noona?" Mingyu asks Minseok and strokes his pink cheeks with his massive hands. You actually can't figure out Minseok's age, is he tiny? Or it is Mingyu that is bigger than the average person?
"I'm old enough to be his auntie, Mingyu." You say actually putting the little sticker in your bag. And for once you are the one that holds the elevator door for Mingyu and the scene looks so domestic that makes your heart clench a bit. You don’t even want a kid, you don’t even know if you are ready for it, but why does Mingyu with little Minseok in his arms make you feel jealous? Jealous of the person that you don’t even know, someone who doesn’t even have a face in your imagination.
"Nah, pretty girls are always noona," Mingyu says and you can feel how your cheeks are turning pink because you feel them hot.. "Anyway, good luck with the classes. We would actually invite you over for our little picnic date but I guess you’re a busy girl."
"You know the real professor is always on my ass, Mingyu." You say heading towards your car.
"Well," Mingyu says finally letting Minseok on the floor, Minseok’s hands tiny on Mingyu's and your heart kinda swells because it is a heart warming picture really. Because you know Mingyu is a fine ass man, with a nice personality paired with a mindblowing body, and he just looks like such a father with Minseok on his hand, well it didn't help that Minseok was the cutest kid you ever laid your eyes on, even though he looked a little shy, a little sad. "You know I am always free, so you can hit me up anytime."
So, when you are talking about how Marx and Weber see the society and the conflicts in it you can't quite stop thinking about Mingyu and Minseok and you could actually cry.
Cry, because you somehow, even with all that Mingyu said to you and all the little flirtatious jabs going on you feel like you lost an opportunity. But at the same time, you want to cry because the relationship gets more complicated if a child is evolved. You may be a bitch over the fact that maybe you lead Mingyu on without actually saying no, but a child? You can't lead a child on, you can’t just kiss-kiss peck-peck your neighbor and say hi to Minseok, or even worse, you can’t start a relationship with Kim Mingyu and then break up with Kim Mingyu after being involved in Minseok’s life. You can’t picture going every weekend to the park and then just vanishing because your life is too busy and the relationship doesn’t quite work. You think that you may be a bitch and break Mingyu’s heart - even though you don't think he’s crazy in love with you to you actually break his heart, but you couldn’t break Minseok because his big eyes and small pout is too cute.
And you want to cry because Mingyu is hot. You noticed that when he picked your boxes and his arms bulged against his sleeve. You have eyes so you can see, every time you see him really, or going to the gym, or in his lounge clothes, or when he is a little bit tidy but still in not formal clothes, you stop a little and you think you never actually saw Mingyu going on a date, or in formal wear. And now it makes sense: having a kid doesn’t actually make dating easier.
But now you see another side of him. Mingyu is endearing, he is cute and you suspect that he could treat you well. He looks reliable, he has a good job, and he is a nice guy. But all that went to a new level when he had a kid in his arms, it made you twitch a little. The way that he looks at the kid in his arms makes your heart inflate like a damn balloon and makes you think about all the other things that you don't know about Mingyu, all the little secrets, all the gaps in his personality.
And oh damn. You had a new problem on your hands. Cute dilf Mingyu was the problem.
So, when you and Mingyu see each other in the hall, you breathe deeply. Afraid to say you are a little relieved when Mingyu is kid-less, but still hot in his gym clothes.
"Park today?" Mingyu asks with a gym bag in his hand.
"Yeah, I'm almost near my 10km mark so I'm pushing it a little bit." You say self-conscious tugging on your clothes, fixing your leggings and top. Fuck, maybe you should've put that baggy shirt on. Why the hell you got out of the house looking like a crazy lady without even brushing your hair? Ok, you said to yourself that the run was the last thing before washing your hair and putting a mask on it, but still, you knew that Mingyu was always in the hall.
"Nice. I heard about the run, right? Some people at my gym are going." Mingyu says eyes still on you, making you twitch. And you know is not Mingyu’s fault.  He;’s always like that - he looks at you, pays attention, not even once you felt like you were not being heard when you were talking to him, not even when you were bitching because someone left the trashcan open.
"Oh god no, I'm not even close to the run’s entry level." You say tongue itching against your mouth. Mingyu has that quality really, he makes you curious and he makes you bold and afraid at the same time. But even if your mind says no, you still go for it. "So, no Minseok today?"
"Ah," Mingyu scratches his neck, almost shy, almost. "No, he is with his mom, the little guy was sick and had a few days off so no school for him, that's why he was so shy he was actually moody, but he liked you enough to give you his treasured Pikachu sticker."
"Oh yes." You actually pick up your phone and show Mingyu, and you feel a little silly but every time you see the Pikachu behind it makes you smile. "It’s not a sticker anymore, it evolved in the lucky charm category."
"Oh" Mingyu says looking at you and at your phone with an endearing look on his face that you couldn't quite puzzle. "That's actually cute."
"I mean," you shrug.
"Well, I gonna tell him that you treasure his Pikachu. It's not like he doesn’t already have a big crush on you." Mingyu teases looking at you like he wants to see every little reaction, like he wants to put the puzzle of you together like every detail matters.
"Stop, he was just being cute and polite you should be proud." You shove Mingyu but he doesn't even bulge. Damn, he was strong.
"Oh I am, but that's not polite, that's his love language, he even talked about you to his mom." Mingyu says eyes still on you, and you think for a second how funny it is, that he actually makes you feel this way, make you feel opposite worlds at the same time, makes you want to run and hide but and makes you want to stretch and bath of every ray of attention he gives you. "And he calls you elevator noona."
"Nooooooo," you say feeling pretty good that you stole the kid's heart in one elevator trip, Minseok was easier to win over than Mingyu.
"Yeeeees," Mingyu mocks you, and again he looks shy but Mingyu is not a shy person so that makes you think, makes you ponder. "Actually, he is going to be around for a few days so if you want to go to the park or-"
"Are you free today?" You ask, and you can see Mingyu's eyes bulge, his face making sure that you know that he is not understanding what you meant.
"Hun?" He says, head moving almost like a dog.
"Today, are you free? I mean I know that you are going to the gym, but we can go to that coffee shop you said and just chat a little." When the elevator stops, Mingyu, like always holding the door for you.
"Oh, hm-" He looks at his bag, then at the elevator door closing, then at you.
"Don't worry,” You say trying to soothe him, hands gesturing and all. “It was dumb to ask when I know you have plans, we can rain-check it."
"No, no, just-" Mingyu start to pat himself searching for his phone, chest, then front pocket, then back pockets, then looking at his bag. "Let me just call Chan and tell him I'm not going to the gym."
"Noooo," You feel so silly that you almost stomp your feet on the ground like a child. "You can go, we can just meet up or rain-check it, don't worry, you always understand when I'm too busy so-"
"Noooo," He copies you. "I’ll tell Chan that I'm doing cardio today," He starts typing on his phone. "I’m doing so much cardio in the park, running is the best exercise ever."
“Now, you’re just mocking me,” You say trying to push him again but this time he pretends you are strong enough to make him move.
“Nah, not doing anything.”
Mingyu doesn't make a big deal of changing plans - which is so weird to you, a planner and an avid checker of to do-lists. The only detour he needs is to stop at his car because he can't run with his gym bag. And that's how you end up running with Mingyu, and even though you have a good pace, Mingyu's legs are just way too big, so you always end up getting a little behind.
And again, Mingyu is so caring and nice that sometimes he dashes off but when he sees you are not following his pace he stops a bit, running in place waiting for you with a big smile. Damn, you are fucked because you feel like every time Mingyu smiles, a halo of sunshine forms against his figure. You knew he was pretty, you knew he was handsome, and you knew he was hot, but now you know that he may be mother's nature favorite and that is just unfair.
Mingyu has long legs, but you have endurance, so when he is almost dying you are good to go - maybe not so good, but you can keep going for a few more kilometers.
"See you could totally go for the run. You can take a lot more than I do." Mingyu says panting, hand on his waist, bending over.
"Nah, that would make running serious and with a goal, that ruins the fun." You say fixing your hair, tying it in a high ponytail again.
"Sometimes I wonder how your mind works," Mingyu says, seriously, making you stop in your tracks, making your head tilt, and actually look at Mingyu who looks like he is trying to puzzle you. "You say things like that and the way you think is so-" He trails off again, looking at his feet, then at everything but you. "The way you think gives me a new perspective on things."
And you could almost cry. Because at the same time, you feel so seen yet vulnerable. You feel more naked than when you are actually naked with some random guy. And you breath so deeply, because sometimes you run laps just to keep things hidden, you go through mental gymnastics trying to keep things under the rug. And it clicks in your head. Maybe that's why you avoid Mingyu, that's why you always say no because to him, you are so easy to read that actually scares you. So, you do the best you can, avoid.
"Ok Mingyu, you called me weird and now you are paying for coffee," you say storming off in front of him.
"I did not call you weird, don't put words in my mouth," He grins, again next to you because of his long legs. You almost think about kicking him in the shin and storming off. "What I am saying is that we are very, very different."
"And that's a bad thing?" You ask self-conscious, feeling your body actually shrink.
"It's not bad, it's different," Mingyu says opening up the door for you. "We think differently, that's all."
"A latte please and a-" You ask Mingyu.
"A latte and an Americano," Mingyu says.
So, you both get your drinks and sit on a pretty outside table per your request. The weather is good enough for it.
"That's what I am talking about," Mingyu says with a sip. "When I am all sweat what I want is to just be inside with the AC on, you prefer to sit outside."
"I'm sweat I feel sticky in the AC." You shrug.
"You see, I feel sticky outside," he responds.
"Do you want to go inside we can-" you say already picking up your drink and getting up when you feel Mingyu's hand on your arm.
"What I am saying is that we are different." Mingyu gives you a soothing smile. "I am data-driven, you lean towards contexts. I need goals, clear goals, otherwise, I feel unmotivated, but you feel like goals take away the fun. We are different and that's nothing wrong with that, so maybe that's why I feel so interested in you."
"I'm not that interesting," you say, taking only a sip to buy more time. Actually, I'm boring."
"See, you can't take a compliment either! I love compliments, just could play a 24h audio just praising me." Mingyu says shamelessly, making you laugh.
"Yeah, I'm not good on that but I'm serious. Like, there’s not much going on here." You say pointing to yourself.
"Oh, like the poets said, if you could see yourself though my eyes," Mingyu says making you blush and look away.
"Don't say things like that." You complain, pouting like a kid.
"Oh, come on," Mingyu’s smile is big, and you see that he’s enjoying making you shy, making you embarrassed. "It's not like it’s not clear that I'm into you, I even asked you out and you were the one that dumped me."
"I didn't dump you," You say almost kicking his shin below the desk, not because you want to but because you almost had a Pavlovian reaction. "I never said no and I'm truly busy."
"Not saying no is not the same as saying yes. I know that I'm being a little pushover, but I am a simple guy. I don't see why hide that I’m into you or find you hot and interesting. And I know that you know that, and I also know that you are not into me so" He shrugs. "It's not a big deal really."
"I-" You start but you almost freeze. "Fuck, I'm so bad at this," You say to Mingyu giving him your best I'm So Sorry Smile "Look I'm not good at this, I don't flirt, and honestly small talk almost kills me. And I gonna sound like such a bitch, but it's me it's not you?" You say again giving Mingyu that smile, searching for any trace of reaction on his face "You are a nice guy and you are funny, and god you are so good looking like almost unreal good looking -" And you laugh because Mingyu is liking the shower of praises, he is enjoying every step of the way like he said he did. "But, I feel like I'm not that ready, all the changes is making me freak out and it is making me so unsure and I need time to put myself up, and I can’t ask for you to wait-"
"Oh, I’m so waiting," Mingyu says, leaning on the chair, crossing his legs and arms and looking so smug.
"I cannot ask you for that because I don't even know when I will feel ready and-" You continue, behaving like Mingyu didn't say a thing.
"Once a week," He says still looking smug it makes you stop in your tracks.
“Huh?”
"Once a week, we can see each other once a week. It can be a date in a nice restaurant, it can be run, it can be a trip to the market, anything really, just-" Mingyu breathes changing positions, and taking a sip of his coffee. "If you don't feel ready or don’t want me like that I will understand and if doesn't work out at least we can be friends, like you said I’m a nice guy."
And that's how you end up entering in Mingyu's life and letting Mingyu enter yours. That's how you end up on Mingyu's sofa, two weeks later, on a Friday night, chilling, Mingyu's head on your lap, fingers threading through his soft hair, paying more attention to him than the movie really. And that’s because Mingyu was kissing you before you two chose the movie. He kissed you against his door, and gave you a peck when you put your bag on his table, and he kissed you again on the sofa, make you whimper because the way he is holding your hips. But he is a nice guy, and you said you were not ready for all that, so he goes back to his good guy persona and lays on the couch, head in your lap, leg almost entirely off the couch.
And then his phone rings and rings, so Mingyu breathes deeply and annoyed, because who dares disturb his head-rubbing time and sits up.
"Hey," Mingyu says and his face changes so fast you can almost feel in the air "Okay okay, just-" he says already getting up and doing his back pocket tap that he always does to go out. "Okay, just give him some Tylenol, ok? I’m already on my way, I can call when I'm about ten minutes away so you can go down, ok? It’ll be faster."
He stops to look at you. And he looks so afraid that you just know it is about Minseok.
"It’s ok. Go." You say because it is, the change of his demeanor says is something important.
"Fuck," Mingyu says, hands going to his hair and tugging it "It’s just Minseok. We just found out he has Crohn's disease and he is having a flare up. We need to take him to the hospital, he is down with a fever so it’s not a good sign and I should go really."
"I can drive," You say getting up as well.
“Oh no, no you can stay really finish the movie, you can totally feel at home, you can cook something or shit-"
"Mingyu," You say searching for his hand, big against yours. "You are shaking." And you can almost feel the energy trapped inside him, making him tremble all over. "Hey it's gonna be OK, Minseok is gonna be fine. I just need you to calm down. I’ll drive and everything will be OK. Minseok needs you calm."
"Ok, ok. Thank you."
So you guys storm off. You guys ended up in Mingyu's car, you fixing up his car seat and his rear view mirror to make comfortable to you. And every time you stop on a red traffic light you check Mingyu out, breath still fast enough for you to notice, face full of worry. And in that moment, you think you care so deeply about Mingyu, because seeing him like that is making your heart break in tiny little pieces.
Because Mingyu is just not like that. To you, Mingyu is always warm, always full of energy. He’s like a warm soft blank that has just enough weight so you can feel grounded on your bed. Mingyu is a night sky - big but so full of stars, those same stars bright enough to guide you home.
When you finally arrive at Minseok's place you see the little guy in his mother's arm and that makes your heart break all over again. You see Mingyu open the door for them, and he goes to the other side putting Minseok in his little chair, the woman doesn't even look at you, her full attention on Minseok, but still you feel uneasy. Out of place. You feel like you are barging in in a scene that is not yours, like an extra ruining the shoot. But then Mingyu is at your side again, hands on your thigh, big in contrast, and you feel his warmth and assurance, so you just drive.
At the hospital, everything seems kind of hectic, and you again feel out place again, asking yourself if you should be there. In your mind, you know you did the best of the situation: you helped Mingyu, and that should be enough. But emotionally, you feel so damn invisible in it all, and that makes you feel even worse because it makes you feel so egoistic. For God's sake, a child is sick needing a hospital and here are you feeling like you need to cry because fuck you feel out of place? Feeling pathetic about it makes you want to cry too.
So, when you and Minseok's mother are side by side, coffee in hands and Mingyu on the loose searching for food, you want to just get up and leave without giving a proper explanation, but you think you need to be a reasonable adult.
"You see…" Minseok's mother starts. "Mingyu never brought a girl home." And you kinda feel strange what she is saying but hey her kid is on the hospital, she may be going crazy. "I never actually even saw one of his girlfriends, ever."
"Oh, I’m not his girlfriend, we’re just friends." You start, but the taste of the phrase feels weird against your tongue.
"Yeah," She laughs, and you know she is laughing at you, which makes everything worse. "I know my brother and I know how he looks to someone." She says, holding her head, elbows on her own thighs, and she looks so so tired, and that too, makes you want to cry. "But I’m glad that you are here. I may not seem glad because my kid is right now on a hospital bed, but-" she says laughing again, and now you are not so sure why she is laughing, she looks so exhausted she is almost out of it. "But since Minseok's father passed away Mingyu is just giving his all you know? He bends over backwards for us. He picks Minseok on school when I can’t get out of the work on time, he was the one who could actually take care of Minseok the last time he went to hospital because I was too damn busy, and he actually cooks for us and he just goes to my home to leave side dishes. He is doing more than he should. He is doing what a father should be doing." She says and you hear her heart breaking, you almost see the blood, because she is so transparent, so worried, so sorry, and all that don't make sense in your head. "What I’m trying to say is that my little brother is precious, so if you fuck up, I might kick your ass."
"I thought he was-"
"Minseok's father? I know I gave birth to a mini version of my brother, but like, it's a little screwed up you didn’t know. Maybe you guys should work on your communication."
And that stays on your mind. Stays on your mind when it gets too late to get an Uber so Mingyu insists on you driving his car back because ubers can be weird and unsafe. Stays on your mind when he doesn't text you. Stays on your mind when you are at university, yet again lecturing about sociology classics and some passionate kids are debating about communism, and you can't even make yourself worry that you are not that older than the people you call kids. Stays on your mind when you arrive home and you can't quite bring enough courage to knock on Mingyu's door.
But then two days after the whole not-Minseok-daddy’s fiasco, Mingyu is at your door. Looking like a truck just hit him, the same clothes from a few days, body a mess, and you suspect that mind too. So, you let Mingyu in, guide him to your shower, go to his home pick up his clothes, and you roll your sleeve and start making Mingyu dinner. You are not a good cook, and Mingyu is certainly better than you, but still, you try your best. It’s what you’ve been doing all your life really.
You are putting garlic and onions in the pan when you feel Mingyu's arms going around you. He puts his forehead on your shoulder, and you can smell your soap’s scent on his skin.
"I'm sorry I vanished."
"It's okay it must have been tough. I understand."
"I know you do, and I'm very thankful for that but-" Mingyu turns his head to your neck, and you can feel his smell you and his hot breath against it. "I still shouldn't have done it. It was a dick move. You were also worried."
"Yeah, but it’s okay. Is he okay?" You say lowering the fire.
"Yeah, he is already talking about how his mom should give him a better cellphone so he can play Pokémon go at the hospital because everything is so boring."
"See? He’s okay. Minseok is fine." You say turning and giving Mingyu a hug, his head going again to your neck, almost rubbing himself on you.
"Yeah, we just need to pay more attention to his diet." He says still bending to hug you.
"See, Minseok is fine, but you don't look so good sir, so let me treat you to a nice, homemade meal." You say giving his butt a little tap because one more second in Mingyu's and everything will be burned in the pan.
"What I did do to deserve you?"
"A lot of things, Gyu, a whole lot of things."
Mingyu eats, and it seems to improve his energy a bit because he insists on watching a movie with you, even tho you know he looks like he may fall asleep at every minute - he didn't actually sleep soundly for two days and you said that to him, but, being the stubborn guy he is, he still insists. So you two end up in your bed, bodies tangled, Mingyu's head on your chest, your fingers going through his hair - he favorite thing in the whole world he says and that makes your heart bloom, full of tiny little flowers.
You wake up in a different situation. Mingyu's body now pressed against your back, his thigh big against yours, and his hand splayed against your other thigh. Mingyu's strong arms around you, and he is warm against you and surprisingly soft. You squirm a little trying to change position until you can face Mingyu, face soft and peaceful.
And fuck.
Maybe you don't just care about Mingyu.
Maybe, just, maybe you have fallen in love with him. Maybe now, after having him on your bed, you will continuously think about how you want to wake up in his arms. Maybe you will continuously think about how you want to be Mingyu's shelter, how you want to be the place he comes back to when times get rougher. Maybe you want to be Mingyu's night sky clear enough and starry enough to guide him home. And all that makes you feel like you want to cry and weep because maybe you are not ready enough. Maybe you will never be. But you want to be, you want so much and that makes things even harder.
So when Mingyu gives you a peck on the lips when he is going home to change for the gym and you are ready for a day in the university you also feel like crying.
And when Mingyu sends you a message asking you out - on a proper date he makes that clear enough you also feel like crying.
And when Mingyu is knocking on your door because you didn't answer and he saw your car in the garage when he was back from his market trip you are already crying before even answering the door.
"Hey-" He freezes and his demeanor changes. "Hey, what's wrong?"
You just continue to cry, feeling like a dumb little kid, feeling like a pan full of water in the stove, boiling and overflowing.
"Hey, babe what's wrong?" Mingyu says, hands on your cheeks making you look at him. "You’re making me worried."
"I just-" You try to say, cleaning your face but you just hiccup harder.
"Are you feeling unwell? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"No, I'm OK." And you say because you see Mingyu's face squirm in agony.
"Ok, ok. Do you need anything? Do you want me to buy anything? Fix anything? Did someone mistreat you?" Mingyus 
continues to try searching for something in your face.
"No I-"
"You can tell me if it is someone from your work or-" He tries again.
"It is not about work, it is about us." You finally say, not because you summed up the courage, but because the way Mingyu is acting is breaking your heart all over again.
"Us?" Mingyu bends his head to the side. "Okay, what's wrong with us?"
"Sometimes I get too wrapped up in my head and that's not your fault." You say, just leaving him there and sitting on the sofa. And you feel the urge to just tug at your hair and scream. "And the whole I'm not ready thing and your sister-"
"What did my sister say?" Mingyu cuts you, closer to you, arms folded against his chest.
“It’s  not because of what she said, she is actually right about it-"
"Look babe, I love my sister to death, I love Minseok to death, I’d die and kill for both of them, but my sister is overprotective so whatever she said-"
"She said we don't have good communication." You blur out at once.
"Oh, for fucks sake,"
"And she’s right because I thought Minseok was your kid right?" You tell Mingyu a little exasperated. "Like we've been hanging out right? And I didn't feel comfortable to talk about it with you"
"Everyone thinks Minseok is my kid." Mingyu says like is not a big deal.
"Yeah but your maybe girlfriend shouldn't and I found out on a trip to a hospital when all the time I was thinking about how worried you were because it was your kid." You say bringing your knees to your chest because all this is fucked up, you shouldn't be talking about this with Mingyu because you have no right to, you were the one that spent too much time not saying yes, and when you said yes didn't even feel like a yes to be honest.
"I was worried, and Minseok is my kid in a way.”
"Mingyu,” You breathe deeply, because you feel stupid, and you feel like you are asking too much "Maybe that's my fault too, I'm not blaming you, that's why I told you that I was not ready for a relationship because I always fuck things up. I get so scared that I fuck things up before people realize I'm not good enough fo-"
"For fucks sake," Mingyu says opening his arms and tilting his head again. And you think is the first time you see Mingyu mad or frustrated, or both at the same time, you really can’t time. "What the fuck do you mean with not good enough? You are caring, you are smart, and you actually drove me to the hospital and stayed there until I kicked you out. All that when we’ve been seeing each other for two weeks, how is that not being good enough?" Mingyu take your hand that is laying against your knee and caresses it with his thumb. "You make me go crazy every time we are together and I feel the happiest I've ever been in these months fuck this year actually has been a hell for me." Mingyu kicks nothing, and you feel so sorry for bringing it up, for crying, because you can see that this is hard for him too. "So yeah, maybe you are not ready so what? Maybe we don't have communication, yeah sure we fucked up, but if you get out of your head, maybe it’s all because I'm the asshole, I'm the one who loves his nephew enough to want to actually fit the dad shoes because Minseok deserves a father figure. I-" Mingyus says and you can see that his knee almost buckles, making him change positions. "I'm still lacking too, maybe I'm a mess too, fuck, maybe I'm not ready too, but I prefer not being ready together than being ready at the wrong time." Mingyu takes another step, and his hand goes to your cheeks caressing it, making you closer your eyes and just enjoy his faint touch. “So don’t feel pressured ok? You are not in this alone, and I told you I’m all okay with waiting and I’m- I may not seem like it, but I am a mess too, I have my doubts too, and I get into my head too. So when you are getting all crazy and stuff just, just let’s have a talk, ok?”
“Okay, yeah. Okay.” You say catching his hand and kissing his palm. “Can we order food? Can we order Chinese?”
“Of course we can, baby.” Mingyu says with a chuckle.
“And then, " You start unsure of yourself because you still think you are asking too much and giving too little. "Then can you tell me about Minseok? Can we talk about the whole history?”
“Of course, we can” Mingyu says, looking at you fondly again, and for once you feel that being transparent to Mingyu is not that bad because you feel like he understands you need. “I may cry though, so…”
“It's okay, I'm pretty sure you gonna be cute crying.” Mingyu gives you a big smile and that makes you feel alright.
So Mingyu tells you a lot. He tells about Minseok's dad death, he tells about his own father's death and how that impacted him, and how he draws the parallel between Minseok and himself. He talks about how his sister is so protective of him even tho she is half his size, he talks about how his sister always picked his fight. He tells you about Minseok favorite things - Pokémon, ice cream, and dinosaurs. He tells you everything he can think of until you two finish up dinner, and he continues to tell you everything when you are laying in his arms, his hands on your hair, your body over him - legs and arms across Mingyu, because you feel the need to hug his big and beautiful heart, but you settle the need hugging him instead.
And you and Mingyu just fall into a routine easily. You sleeping on his bed or him sleeping on yours, even though his feet always hang on the end of your bed because he is just too damn big and tall. You always say goodbyes at the door, or on the elevator, Mingyu going to the gym, you to your work. Sometimes, when Mingyu has a deadline you stop at your favorite restaurant and order food to cheer him up. Sometimes, Mingyu picks you up so you guys can eat out for a change. But the thing is - its always more than once a week.
So when Mingyu knocks on your door, maybe the fourth time this week (without counting the times you knocked on his door) you are ready to give a pretty and polished version, with heels and all, because Mingyu is taking you to the new fancy restaurant across town.
"Hey-Wow" Mingyu says and you almost throw yourself at him, you almost drool and make a fool of yourself, because Mingyu is wearing black slacks and a white button-down, and god your boyfriend is so hot. "You look amazing babe." He says holding your finger up and making you twirl.
"Thanks," You give him a kick peck and spread your hands against his chest. "You don't look so bad either."
The restaurant is nice, the place is beautiful, the food amazing, and the wine Mingyu ordered tastes so good against your tongue. But the only thing you actually think of is him. His pretty skin pecking out of hir shirt collar, his pretty lazy smile against a few cups of wine, his strong arms and peck against the fabric of his shirt.
When you guys finally settle on the Uber, Mingyu does one of the things he does best - he thinks and conjures in his mind that every damn living thing is in love with you, and it is endearing really. He is so protective and caring and that makes you want to jump him too. He nods to the uber and his big ass hand rest on your thigh, just where the hem of your black dress ends.
And you want to kiss him so bad, if it wasn't for the Uber, you could probably ride him in the backseat. You tug Mingyu's arms making him bend a little in your direction, while your other hand is splayed on top of his, fingers interwind. You kiss Mingyu’s jaw and feel his arm up, god, he is so strong and so hard all over it makes you go crazy, makes you want to merge your body with his, so you just try to get closer to him even if you know it's not really possible.
“You smell nice,” You say almost sniffing Mingyu, hand on his biceps and face on the slot of his neck.
“I smell like I always do?” Mingyu answers you but is more a question really. His hand still on you thigh, but this time giving it a squeeze.
“Yeah, but you always smell nice, baby.” You hands travels up - stopping on his chest. Well, fuck the uber really, he probably sees couples feeling eachother up all the time, so you just paw Mingyu chest.
“Thanks babe but,” He says, holding your hand and giving you a chuckle when he sees you pouting on his shoulder.
“No fun.” You say still trying to get your hand free, to feel Mingyu up in the backseat like a fucking teenager. And to be honest you like the prospect of it giggling a little, feeling dumb, but oh so happy.
“No fun?” Mingyu asks you. “I’m the most fun guy you’ve ever met, I love fun. Fun and I are synonyms.”
“Well, I’m trying to feel you up in the backseat of an uber and you’re not letting me, so, you are the most boring guy ever.” You say on Mingyu’s ear, whispering the words, and you just see his body jerking. He starts to cough, looking at you disbelieved, and you do the only thing possible and laugh.
You take pity on Mingyu's situation, because he is almost choking on the backseat. So you behave like a little girl, hands on her lap, no more touching his boobs, or trying to lick his neck and jaw. But you still think about every other thing you want to do to him. You think about how Mingyu’s hands are big and the way he always put on the small of your back, and you question how it would feel against your neck.
You also want to discover every nook and cranny of Mingyu. Because you love the way he is so reliable in every aspects of adult-life that you struggle a little, he was the one that dealt with the new ac installation in your apartment, but you also love the way he gets so silly and pouts with the smallest and easiest things, and deep down you know Mingyu can do that task, he was big and strong, yet you were the one taking the grasshopper off his balcony.
But when Mingyu is glued to your back, hands on your hips and mouth on your neck on the elevator you think that you settle to discover this version of him today. The version that has you wrapped up in his arms, and the version that has the audacity to feel you up in the elevator.
“You are such a jerk.” You say to Mingyu still latched on your neck.
“Me?” Mingyu asks trailing his hand till they stop on your ribcages, fingers digging in.
"Yes, you." You say trying to get out of Mingyu's embrace but he’s just so clinging, glued to your back, and he is actually keeping you in place with his strong arms. "You can do everything and I can't feel up in the uber. It’s unfair."
"Baby, the uber was right there." Mingyus says guiding you though the hall and stopping on your door.
"Yeah and the crazy lady from the 07 can show up at anytime." You say trying to up your door but Mingyu hands are still on you, now on the hem of your dress, toying with it. "I really shouldn't you let get your way with me today."
"Don't even think about that." Mingyu says, hands again on your hips, this time he starts rutting against your back. "I might die." And you two almost trip when you finally open the door and Mingyu's body weight makes you go forward.
"Yeah, but I’m still mad with you." You say tugging on Mingyu's shirt, his large body pressing you against the wall.
"Baby’s mad?" Mingyu coos, and your legs almost give up because the condescending tone his uses make your brain stop. "What can I do then, hmm?" Mingyu says already lifting your dress up. "What can I do so my baby is not mad with me?"
So you do the only thing you think really, you put hands on Mingyu's neck and bring him to a kiss, it is sloppy but you don't even care, because Mingyu's lip feel so soft, and you can trace the taste of the wine on his tongue. And you are so distracted that you only realize Mingyu is getting you naked when he breaks the kiss to take off your dress.
"Fuck-" Mingyu says actually looking at you, hands on your waist holding you back enough so he can see the way that the black lingerie you bought a few days ago cling onto your skin.
"Come here." You say grabbing Mingyu's shirt again, wanting his mouth back on yours. But Mingyu cuts the kiss short again, leaving sloppy kisses on your jaw and neck. "Babe." You call again, hand going to his hair and tugging.
"I know, I know" Mingyu says kissing your collarbone. "Fuck-" He says taking a step back again and you can feel your body going in his direction, but Mingyu's hand steadies you against the wall. "Just- you look so pretty." Mingyu says looking at you and you’d almost feel shy if you didn't feel so needy. "Look at you." He says hand traveling to touch your boobs so fucking softly you almost melt, fingertips grazing against your lingerie.
"Babe," You whine again, trying to get Mingyu's attention, but he doesn't care, too lost kissing your chest.
"Fuck-" Mingyu says grabbing your hips, toying with your panty line. "Wanna eat you out so bad," He says like almost begging and you need to balance yourself on his shoulders. "You’ll let me right?" Mingyu says looking at you, eyes still against on your skin.
And you feel like your mouth is not working properly so you just give him a nod and it's enough for Mingyu trails his lips lower and actually kneel in front of you. And that alone should be fucking illegal, so when he plants a little kiss on your mound you think you are ready to go straight to hell because you just want to shove his face on your pussy, but instead you just hold Mingyu's face, hands on his jaw.
"I-" he starts, hands on your ass, fingers digging on your skin. When you look at him again he looks so out of it, so lost, so pussy drunk you can almost cry. And when Mingyu actually starts to lap at your pussy, your lingerie still in place you feel actually insane, clenching around nothing and the feel of your wet panties against your core makes you tug at his hair. The way Mingyu looks - eyes closed, hair a mess because of you, eyebrows furrowing in concentration makes your hips buckle against his mouth, but he just keeps going, like there is no other thought in his mind.
"Babe please I need-" You say breathing rapidly, and you feel the urge to cry again, because is so good but at the same time is not enough.
"Hm?" Mingyu says mouth still on you, eyes opening looking at you.
"Need more." You say pathetically, but if you need to beg, you will beg.
"Yeah?" Mingyu asks. "Gonna give to you baby." He says just so he can get his mouth off of you to tug your panties to the side. Then his mouth is on your pussy again, like he can't really spent more than two seconds apart. And you just mew, one hand on Mingyu's hair, and another one trying to keep your body straight against the wall. "Fuck-" Mingyu says again tugging at your panties to the side again, and you can feel it digging at your chest but you don’t care. "How can a pussy taste so good?" Mingyu asks but you doesn't really have an answer, and you feel Mingyu's strong hands on your leg, manhandled your into position, leg against his shoulder, hand splayed on your thigh, while the other one goes to your pussy opening you up. "Pussy’s so pretty fuck, could eat you out for days." He says almost breathless before going back to lap at your pussy, fingers still keeping your open and sucking at your clit.
And everything makes you feel insane. Of course Mingyu's tongue against your entrance makes your knees give up, of course the way he keeps you open for his mouth makes it so dirty, but whats really keeps you going, what makes you reach the edge so fast is the way he hums against your pussy, like it's his favorite thing in the world, the way he is so fucking desperately laps at it, the way the everytime your hips buckle Mingyu just follows the moviment because he can't take his mouth off you for a fucking second and it's what makes you cum. And you actually need to hold Mingyu's head for a minute so he leaves your pussy in other to you catch a breath.
"Need a minute," You say explaining when he looks at you puzzled. "Sensitive."
"Did you just-" Mingyu stops, looking at you and at your pussy making you laugh a little. "Did you just cum?"
"Yeah?"
"Fuck, you are so hot." He says giving the leg that still on his shoulder a bite. "But you can take more right?" He says fingers tracing your pussy, pressing your clit making you jump a little. "You need to take more babe, gonna eat your pussy again, open you up with my fingers," he says fingers on your entrance "and then will you make you come on my cock I know you will take so fucking well-" and he plants a kiss on you clit again. "Pretty pussy taking my cock hm? Gonna make you enjoy it, promise, gonna make you feel good."
And you don't doubt for a second that he will make you feel good, fuck he just made you cum against a wall two steps away from your door, but before you can say anything Mingyu is attatched to your pussy again.
"Wait, babe" Mingyu says. "This damn thing is getting on my way." He says letting your legs fall down and he finally takes off your panties, not even bothering to get really off of you, Mingyu just let one of your legs free while your panties sits on your feet. "God, if you let me, I will eat you out everyday, lick this pussy everyday before getting out of bed." He says like he is telling you about a new habits like drinking water first thing on the morning, or have a juice everyday - but he is talking about how he wants to bury his face on your legs like he is doing now, tongue going against your folders, arm going around your leg and opening you open again for him, while the other one goes to your ribcage keeping your body upright. And you loose track of time really, just focusing on Mingyu's tongue against you, humming all over again. "Fuck, how can a cunt taste so fucking good." Mingyu says mouth leaving your pussy as his fingers tacking its place. "You are making me insane, going to cum at my pants if we keep going like this." And you can actually see Mingyu palming himself.
"We can-" You try to start but he just chuckles.
"Oh no, don't worry about me." He says eyes leaving you and going again to your pussy, and you feel so exposed in Mingyu's hand, his digit finally entering you which makes you whimper, until know you didn't really paid attention on how empty you felt. "Making you feel good is enough for me." He says like he is not fingerfucking you to the second orgasm of the night. And again is not really the actions itself, of course. Mingyu’s longer fingers entering you is so fucking good, the way his thumb goes at your clitoris rubbing it in circles makes you cry, but when you look down and Mingyu barely blinks, eyes on your pussy and licking his lips like he didn't eat your pussy for minutes, is what makes you break, the way he looks so fucked blissed about giving you pleasure like he doesn’t need anything else.
And you come on his fingers and almost melting, but Mingyu lifts and holds you up, giving your ass a squeeze.
"So fucking hot-" Mingyu says his strong arms around you making you move towards the sofa, and you are pretty sure he is just dragging you around because your legs gave up. "Could use my mouth to clean you up-" and you almost scream when he is laying on the sofa, letting himself get comfortable between your legs.
"Babe, I love your mouth," you say tugging in Mingyus shirt, and how the fuck he is not naked. "but really I need your cock, otherwise I might go crazy." And you use your last few working neurons to start open the buttons on his shirt but suddenly stop when Mingyu just shoves two fingers inside you again.
"Hm, but you look stuffed enough baby." Mingyu says lowering himself and giving you a kiss, you feeling the taste of your pussy on his mouth.
"Mingyu, please" You beg. "Please, I-"
"Shh, it's okay, gonna give it to you." He says finally getting off his shirt and you feel so empty you can feel yourself clenching over nothing, and you can see how Mingyu just watches your pussy. "Fuck, baby, don't worry" He says already opening up his pants. "Gonna give to you real good, gonna make you feel so full."
"Oh, thank god." You say making him laugh before getting naked, and fuck, he was pretty and big all over. And you almost drool because, shit, even his dick is pretty. "Can I suck you off?" You ask already crazy enough that you mind-mouth filter just vanished.
"Oh fuck," Mingyu say hips buckling, making his cock sits on your mound, and he looks so big. Thank fuck he stretched you out. "Yeah, yeah not now though, might cum on your mouth."
"That's alright."
"Babe," Mingyus mewls, head resting on your collarbone, looking defeated. "Don't say things like that I almost-" He says hips buckling again. "Wanna fuck you properly."
"Ok, ok, but later…"
"Yeah, you can choke on it later, I won't be against it." And god, you want Mingyu to shut the fuck up because if he keeps talking to you, you’re gonna cum again without his dick inside you. "Fuck, might not last long" Mingyu says, and you almost laugh at him, because he is acting like you are not one step away from being spent just because of your mouth. Mingyu guides his cock with his hand, mouth watering looking at it, and when you feel hime ntering you you actually sees your boyfriend gulp.
And then you think about Mingyu saying how different you both are from each other. How his main sense is his vision, while for you, every touch sends you overdrive. And how both of you are so different but fit so well, because when Mingyu is fucking you, his body against yours, mouth at your jaw and hand holding yours, you feel like earth could collapse and the world could end because you already had the taste of the most important thing in the world; the taste of being loved by Mingyu, and you are sure nothing will come close to it.
You feel the urge to make Mingyu feel the same way, so loved and so cherished. So while Mingyu is fucking you, you try your best, you kiss his jaw - and it's messy and sloppy, but it's the best you can do when his dick is stretching you out. You claw at his shoulder, and you put your legs around his waits.
"Fuck, baby-" You try to speak again but you feel unable to, like your brain are not even trying to put more than two words together.
"I'm so fucking close." Mingyu says with his thrust getting faster, out of rhythm, body more pressed against yours.
And you just let the wave wash over you. You can feel Mingyu getting even more unruly, babbling things that you can't really make sense because, fuck, you are so gone. The way that he fills you up in every corner is just different, the way that he stretches you almost makes you feel like you arrived at a point of no return, and when you cum, clenching around him, Mingyu reaches his breaking point.
"Fuck-" He says getting off of you, and getting his hair out of his face, and his smile is so big, so beautiful and so lazy you could just kiss him if your limbs were working really.
"Hey baby, can you please take my bra off?" You say already turning on the bed but when Mingyu's laugh reaches your ears you are so fucking glad that you moved.
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violixs · 2 years ago
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is that even a question mae !! i will read everything you write no matter how ia i am i wilk TRACK DOWN EACH WORK OF YOURS AND I WILL ESP ENJOY READING YOUR LONGER FICS !!! but my school breaks up at the end of may !! only 3 weeks of school left and the thought of that makes me wanna bawl.. i actually really enjoy school and the thought of not seeing the same teachers and people next year makes me sulk.. agh i just hate the thought of an ending in general.. in books..writings..a school year WAHH IM GONNA MAKE MYSELF SAD !! going to have to make the most of the time left in this school year :( i have recently been getting into more jpop and adding vietnamese songs to my playlist but my non fluent self can not comprehend the words fast enough LMAOA but i’ve been listening to more ballad songs ?? i guess is the word like slow sentimental ones.. esp k drama osts have been putting me in my feels esp with the all these romantic lyrics but i think my current fav song is to my youth by bol4 the lyrics are so 💔💔 everything about the song I DEF RECOMMEND THE THE THE MINHO WRITING AHHH i feel like my feed back is a little repetitive but I WILL NEVER STOP TELLING YOU RHAT I ADORE YOUR WRITING !! the way u describe everything so realistically and how love isn’t something dramatic and sparkly u instantly know.. and how gentle the reader is with lino !! AND FHE ANGST AT THE HEAD WAHH WSP WHEN LINO CUDDLES CLOSER TO THE READER AND THEY FALL ASLEEP ah hyun and lino i just wanna both give them a big hug and tell them they’re both more than good enough in both fics ARGHSJA ANS FHE LAST LINE ?? PARAGRAPH??? ITS SO PERFECT MAE KSZJJSBW
sjdhhs i’m glad u will still read the long ones… i think i was just v discouraged bc i know the plot i’ve reread and edited it a bajillion times and now bc it feels so.. familiar and not new i am scared other ppl will feel that way but?? they’ve never seen it so?? it should be fine!!!!
AND IN MAY??? u lucky thing rn i still have a good 9-10 weeks of school left :,) i am literally counting down the days because 5 weeks till exams and then a week of that and hopefully for the last 3-4 weeks we get rest :,) i understand what u mean tho like not seeing the same people is SAD u miss a lot of ppl too :( but it just means u have to make the most of the rest of the year u still have!!! but the jpop and vietnamese music omg… if u pick up some words does that mean u speak vietnamese or japanese?? even if it’s not fluent the fact u can recognise some words is so cool so if u have any more music recs lmk !!! i put on the to my youth one rn and i can tell i will listen again… i love ost type ballady songs they’re always so <3 stardust love song by jihyo is rlly rly good if u haven’t already heard it!! it’s. a little slower but god it’s so pretty…
and hshsha do not worry abt feedback being repetitive i literally feel like a little kid being rewarded for good school work or something it makes me so happy everytime… BUT SO TRJE JUSTICE FOR HYUNHO IN THE VIOLIX UNIVERSE i need to write fluff for them because it’s just :,) sad at this point </3 my poor babies omg. anyway!!!!!! how was ur day or week or just. since the last time i talked to u. HOW R U
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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years ago
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Oh gosh I love all ur fics so much! I guess I'll randomly pick from my favorite ones! 1) in my way (6,14) 2)Let me down gently(agh nostalgic pheels. I can't count the times I've reread ur works n this one is no exception. 1,2,3,4,9). 3)A familiar kind of love( my absolute fav like in all phanfics ever to exist. 5,6,11,12,13) sending all my love boo! I read about u being I'll and I hope u get better. P.s. charolette is lovely give her a hug from me. U 2 deserve to find happiness
(Some of this is under a cut to save your dashes xD)
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you enjoy my fics, literally that is so lovely to hear ^_^ Thank you for your well-wishes about my health and also Charlotte, I’m sitting next to her rn cuddling so things are pretty great
Now onto your questions!
In My Way (link here):
6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics? 
Hmm, good question. It’s the first one where I really decided to put some of myself into it - to write characters that I could relate to, not just situations I found adorable. It was a brave step for me because I felt lonely (as an ace not knowing any other aces at the time) and I just wanted to read about someone like me for once.
And then it sparked this whole community of ace people, so that worked out pretty well xD
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic? 
I didn’t set out to teach anyone anything through this fic - but I did want to explore sexuality, particular asexuality (and bisexuality too, but I haven’t quite got to that bit properly yet xD). I’ve since received a lot of mesages from people saying they learned about their own sexuality through reading my fic, and other people saying they aren’t ace but understand it much better now, and that honestly blows me away
Let Me Down Gently (link here):
1. What inspired you to write the fic this way? 
I’m not sure really, I just had this very vivid scene in my head of Dan and Phil meeting in a bus stop in the rain. And then I really wanted to write an AU where one of them was in an already established relationship, but without any cheating, and it kind of grew from there xD
OH and also I was watching a lot of Four In A Bed, which is a show where B&B owners go to each other’s places and rate each other. And I just thought, hey, this would be a great AU for Phil because I like to imagine he loves putting people up and making sure they have enough blankets etc.
2. What scene did you first put down? 
The first one, I always write in chronological order
3. What’s your favorite line of narration? 
This is tough as I actually don’t like my narration very much, I don’t think I’m any good at description at all and I rely very heavily on my dialogue. Buuuut my favourite is probably this, because the plants make me laugh:
Approaching the door with trepidation, Dan eyed the various plants that decorated the porch warily. A plant of sorts - a tall thing that looked a bit like a miniature palm tree - was waving its fronds at him, and Dan couldn’t tell whether it was being friendly or angry. Maybe he was being told      ‘Get off my land!’     in plant speak.
4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue? 
Already answered this, but it’s the part where Phil describes his relationships using plant analogies. Especially this line:
You turn up, and you’re like this wild honeysuckle. You’re messy and expensive and I’m never quite sure it’s worth the money, and you climb up the walls and get in the way of everything and infiltrate yourself completely, but then you flower and you have the most amazing scent and suddenly there’s colour and bees are coming and butterflies are hovering everywhere and – and I’m still sitting in the shrub.
9. Were there any alternate versions of this fic? 
Not really, actually. I’m quite a meticulous planner, and this was a Big Bang fic which meant I had to produce the full outline quite early on. So there weren’t really any other versions that came about, sorry about that xD
A Familiar Kind of Love (link here):
(Note: this was cowritten with Elizajane (@snowbunnylester) so this is just my opinions of it, hers may differ in some aspects ^_^)
5. What part was hardest to write? 
For me, the bit where Dan rejects Phil. I wrote Dan in this fic (Elizajane wrote Phil) and it was so emotional to write about Dan shouting at Phil and being mad and upset, when I as the author knew Phil was only doing his best
The resolution of that was probably my favourite bit to write though :D
6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics? 
A couple of things. It’s straight-up fantasy, which I love and is my favourite genre/the genre I write in when I’m not writing fic, so that was really fun and different to most of my other stuff. Also, it was my first published cowritten fic, and the first time I explored aro themes in depth as well as ace themes.
11. What do you like best about this fic? 
Ahhh tough question! But I think the dynamic between familiars and witches that we invented, and the world we built up together. I can in no way take solo credit for this though, a lot was down to the wonderful imagination of Elizajane
(Also Dan’s bookshelf. I want to read his books)
12. What do you like least about this fic? 
When Dan rejects Phil. It hurt to write
13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading? 
Ok this is literally the one fic I don’t have music for xD I literally write to music all the time, but this one was RPing with Elizajane over email so half the time I was bouncing off what she wrote rather than creating an atompshere from the music I was listening to. But there is one song that I think really explores the ace/aro themes I explored through the character of Dan, and that’s Please don’t say you love me by Gabrielle Aplin
Thanks for all those questions, and have a lovely day, lovely anon!
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dirtyhancls · 7 years ago
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ask meme: do all of the them Ψ(`▽´)Ψ
What’s the last book you read? What did you think of it?
hmmm I reread like half of Graceling, and it’s as good as ever and I’m still bitter that Kristen Cashore hasn’t written anything since the series. it’s YA but also Monster novel TM and so thought provoking
What’s the worst book you’ve ever read, and why?
Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry (tbh i read this in 6th grade and HATED it with a Burning Passion but I also don’t remember like 90% of it. just kno that i hated it)
A book you found overhyped, and why
A Hero At The End of the World. I agree with most of the review about it-- it’s very evident the author comes from a fanfic background bc writing fic is very different from novels and there’s some things that don’t translate (character development? relationship development?) if you read the book with the knowledge that its essentially drarry fanfic it makes sense, as its own novel there’s a lot rushed
Ereaders versus physical books is such a false dichotomy. Instead, tell me what other formats (phone apps, tumblr fiction, twitter haikus) you read in
IBOOKS !!!!!!!! ibooks saved my life bc now i can find most books online and then download them and read them it’s amazing
Which genre(s) don’t you read? Why not?
romance jfc i just dont go there sorry (mostly bc of the covers)
If you read in more than one language, is there a difference between the experience of reading in your native language(s) and reading in other languages?
nope cannot read chinese rip
If you’re not a native English speaker, how much do you read in your native language versus how much you read in English? How do you feel about that? // If you’re a native English speaker, go find a book in your second/third/etc language, or in translation, to add to your to-read list
can i count latin as a third language lmao?? screw it i’m doing it one day i’ll read the entirety of the aenied in latin
The book you read when you’re stuck in bed sick
HMMM my go to book is probably The Amulet of Samarkand? or maybe Six of Crows 
Fiction or non-fiction or both? In what ratio? Where do you draw the line between the two?
pretty much 100% fiction but i;m aiming to change that (And the Bnad Played On is next on my list)
The book(s) you bought because the cover was pretty, and whether it was worth it
:/ i dont usually buy books but i guess you can count A Conjuring of Light? Bc the cover was super pretty and my aesthetic, although i would’ve bought it regardless just bc it was the final book in the series
The worst book hangover you’ve ever had
HOO BOY Ptolemy’s Gate or Code Name Verity
Do you have to finish one book before you start the next one, or do you read multiple books at the same time?
finish but mostly bc i read so fast that if i finish a book it’s usually in a day or two
The fictional character you want to believe you resemble and the fictional character you actually resemble
i want to believe i resemble Sirius Black but i probably actually resemble Remus Lupin 
The book that, in hindsight, really should have clued you in to the fact that you’re _________ (queer/in love/doomed to be an academic/etc)
Artemis Fowl/The Bartimaeus Trilogy that I’m not as clever as i fancied i was
The book that you reread over and over again and get new things from every time
G O D probably The Bartimaeus Trilogy 
The book that you don’t dare reread for fear it won’t be the same any more
Hnnnnnnnnng i’m a huge believer in rereads so but lowkey Percy jackson bc now that i’m older i've realized a lot of its flaws 
Preferred bookshelf organisation scheme
by my favorites
Do you theme your monthly/yearly/etc reading (eg Year of Reading Women)?
Nope bc i’m super inconsistent with reading nowadays and i’m super picky about tstarting new books
That book with a twist that felt like a blow to the chest. Tell me about it. (But warn for spoilers if necessary!)
CODE NAME VERITY once we got to Maddie’s POV i sobbed my way through it culminating in me having to put the book down at that one BANG BANG moment bc i couldnt see through my tears and also my heart had died inside my chest, AND THEN ALSO when they read her notes/confession and my mind was blown by how clever everything was. 
The coolest bookshop you’ve ever been to
i can’t remember the name I think it’s the one world cafe but it’s a cafe/bookshop/bar and super cool, but also there’s a barnes and noble with a fishtank built in an old powerplant thats hella cool 
The book you gave up on, and the reasons why
The Wrath and the Dawn, sorry too boring and generic and also like, annoyingly straight
The book you finished even though you hated it, and the reasons why
Heart of Darkness bc i had to for school
The book you expected to hate, didn’t, and then got angry about not hating
Grapes of Wrath tbh
The book that you got into because of the movie/TV series/etc, and the relative merits of each version
HOWLS MOVING CASTLE
i luv the movie ofc, it’s gorgoeus in all ways and delightful but not gonna lie the story telling is not very good and it sorta makes no sense until u read the book. don’t like the witch of the waste plot and howl becomes much too mysterious wizard for my tastes
SOPHIE AND HOWL ARE THE DELIGHT OF THIS BOOK, their characters are what makes it tbh, Book Howl is the best howl bc he’s ridiculous and hilarious and a coward and i luv it. sophie is less of a mouse (even tho she still thinks she is ahaha) and the part where she’s so pissed off she turns water into weedkiller is my fav. it’s also just a complete subversion fo fantasy which i think miyazaki sorta doesn’t get
The only book care question that actually means anything: do you write in your books? If so, in pen or in pencil?
NOPE I WANT MY BOOKS IN PRISTINE CONDITION
Do you read reviews of books? Before or after you read the books themselves? Why? Why not?
usually only read reviews of 1. books that havent come out yet and 2. books after i’ve read them to see what other people say. also occasionally 3. i read reviews to make fun of them 
The book you’re embarrassed to admit you’ve read
tbh tbh tbh captive prince just to see what it was like for myself and god jfc
The one where the fanfic was better than the original (and the relevant AO3 links, pls)
like, any number of klance fic tbh or HP fic but here’s some like, absolute amazing ones
As Red as Hearts and Autumn- Mauraders Era fic that breaks my heart everytime, particularly fond of this Sirius
call me, beep me most people kno this, but a staple of klance and very well done
it’s quite bizarre, and will remain this way- more klance but also this made my heart hurt
we must unite inside her walls or we'll crumble from within more respectful of HP women than JK Rowling ever was or will be, i love this so much
Catfished- never thought this would be a thing but draco is turned into a glass fish and harry realizes things
thread our way through a string of stars tbh one of the best klance fics i’ve ever read and probably ever will read
Your vacation reading habits
agressive rereads
The book you read the blurb of, constructed a version of in your mind, and were promptly disappointed by once you finally got around to actually reading it
A Hero At the End of the World :/
Bonus question: rec me something!
READ CODE NAME VERITY FOR THE LOVE OF UR LIFE
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