#(in the end it's neither of their faults so don't be so hard on yourselves it's the digital world partly too bc every interference warps it)

[ravenwitch45]

Do you mind doing where Crimson has a Imp husband who is also his sugar daddy? (Weird idea ik lol)

Oh my! XP Weird Idea indeed but oddly fitting considering Crimson was kinda struggling finacially, why the wedding plan happened and all. Sure thing! I like writing Crimson being humbled and all.

Crimson with an Imp Husband Sugar Daddy S/O

It just kinda happened after the wedding plan was a bust. He needed money, so he ran into you at some fancy club, noticed several details hinting you were rich (Also had his men to read up on you cause he didn't want to be a sucker again) He offers a deal, you add the condition of him being your sugar baby, which flusters him greatly btw.

He swallows his pride after you explain the situation, though a day later cause he doesn't want to seem too desperate and bam, Crimson has a sugar daddy XP

Your very respectful to him, never treating him like a toy or servant, only asking if he could come over like once a week or sometimes visiting him but you take the no if he refuses, which he rarely does, still trying to treat this like a basic business deal so he's trying his best to fulfill his end.

You find it adorable how he tries so hard to be stonefaced even though he blushes like crazy doing stuff like kisses and cuddles, grumbling a lot. You often politely ask him for affection and stuff, but when he does it unprompted, you get all blushy and tease him on it, having him yell it doesn't mean anything as you kiss him on the cheek.

He's very rigid at first, a lot like Blitz is with Stolas, but after you make it clear you actually want him, and not just a person to fuck, he cools off, for a while it's more friends with benefits then anything, you chat and sometimes kiss and fuck (Which he won't admit he enjoys a lot more then he expected) but neither really consider yourselves truly dating.

You don't want to push him, and He's takes a while with his multisexual awakening, realizing he actually likes you, confessing to you drunk which you find adorable before bringing him to bed so he can sleep before the hangover in the morning, and then you discuss and get on the same page. Him blushing at how happy you seem about it, never really having that really, for good reason but still.

And after that it's a nice domestic relationship for a good while, he's a lot more relaxed with his empire going smooth with your funds added, and going to you as the day winds down to relax, you two going on dates and experimenting with stuff as couples do. You usually just bringing up his sugar baby status to fluster him.

C:Y-Y/N! You know I don't like you calling me that in public...

Y/N: Okay! Hey everybody this is my sexy boyfriend Crimson!

C, pulling his hat down with a blush as you put arm around him:

Y/N: You cute little grump~

C:I hate you...

Eventually one time you casually call him your hubby or husband, and he kinda freezes. He really likes you and the last person who called him that... well she didn't have a great time. And for a while he kinda closes himself off as he rakes his mind over it.

A few weeks after that he treats you to a surprise fancy dinner and proposes. Coming clean his last marriage didn't go well and it was his fault entirely, but he wants to do better with you, more then anything and he'd love if you'd give him that chance.

The hug and kiss he takes as a yes as he slips the ring onto your finger. Hugging and kissing you back, holding you closer then any wealth he's gained through this relationship, loving you with all his heart.

Okay there you go! Know it was more meeting to fiancé then actual hcs on the husbands relationship but this is long enough I feel. I enjoyed this one, never wrote a relationship like this so sorry if it's off, though I'll never get tired of writing Crimson's Queer awakening tbh XP Hope you enjoyed and thanks for sharing!

[hiskillingjar]

curious as to how you you think strade, law, and ren would react towards an absolute loser/femcel mc, love your account btw

weeeee thank you <3 i'm kind of into this character trope/kink so happy to oblige!

ren 🦊

"i can fix her"

he will make you worse

i mean on the surface he gets everything he wants. someone who likes all the same stuff he likes, he's always liked the shy, nerdy type, after all

what's better, you don't have any friends who will care if...things go a little awry

he'd find your absolute lack of knowledge when it comes to socialising cute. even if you were standoffish, or even rude to him, he'd just use that as a motivation to make you open up

by any means necessary, of course...

he'd like any opportunity to teach you (condition you) to be the perfect girl he wants too.

like my fair lady but kinky. forcefem but for cis people.

and don't worry, he's very patient. he has the perfect vision at the end, and he'll do what he can to make sure it happens :3

law 🥀

"what's a femcel...?"

law would not care, they're basically a femcel themselves.

it would be like two loser girls sitting together and neither one can bring themselves to touch or even speak to the other

granted, they do like the idea of you not having anyone but them to talk to or interact with

they want someone dependent after all

so maybe you'd grow a little closer together, totally detatch yourselves from the rest of the world and prioritise a life together...smoking weed, jerking each other off, watching gore videos

seems like kind of a nice gig tbh

strade 🔨

on first impressions, strade couldn't care less

similar to ren, it might even be a plus.

you follow along so easily to the littlest amount of attention because your self-esteem is so low...he definitely take advantage of that :)

plus, no friends, no witnesses, nobody to come looking for you if you went missing. it's hard not to be appealed to that

you're also just a natural target for teasing and bullying after the fact. you're just so easy to wind up and make upset, how could he possible resist?

very lows and highs with strade though, he's either being sweet on you or making fun of you, making you feel that much more dependent and unbalanced.

and you don't have anyone else to turn to...and nobody is looking for you because you were dumb enough to be totally avoidant when you could have been making friends

if you think about it, this is kind of your fault, isn't it?

don't worry, liebling, I'll always be your friend, even if no one else will <3

[ravenbloodshot]

Jungwon + Sunghoon Relationship Dynamic Reading.....

Dynamic

This isn't the kind of connection in which if the group disbanded (or when) these two would still talk. Their personalities are incompatible and both are still holding onto grudges/hard feelings for things that has happened in the past

These two have fought before and lowkey are still fighting. You guys know when you fight with someone but you don't truly reslive the conflict and your still angry about the situation, it's not like you and the person is still openly arguing but the fighting hasn't truly ended. That's how it is with these two

Both are pretty immature and petty especially if they feel the other has done something wrong and not themself. So neither one is taking that high road to apologize and squash the beef. Both probably fear being the one that's wrong and at fault in this connection

They don't trust each other and don't ever talk about anything deep just superficial things or work things.

Jungwons view of Sunghoon

Jungwon thinks he's very controlling and dictatorial. "It's my way or the highway" type of person. Also, sees him as a person that is too stubborn and can't let things go easily, constantly bringing up situations from the past

Jungwon thinks he places his career/money over him and the group. Like a person focused on himself but also a person that encourages the others to focus on themself as well and less on the group. Like if members were arguing he would probably be like "if you two were doing your own thing and more worried about yourselves you wouldn't have anything to argue about, now would you?" I don't think Jungwon likes this about Sunghoon

Jungwon does respect his grind and the faith Sunghoon has in himself. Jungwon may really admire that Sunghoon could have had a career in figure skating but sacrificed it all for his idol dream and actually made it into reality

Sunghoon view of Jungwon

Yeah guys. Sunghoon does not like him. For Jungwon he also doesn't like Sunghoon but i do sense more of a secret admiration from Jungwon to Sunghoon

Sunghoon doesn't trust Jungwon. Thinks he's a gossiper that doesn't care about what he shares of others situations

Sunghoon feels betrayed by him and likely doesn't believe Jungwon could ever regain his trust. I don't think he sees him as a good leader, thinks he's quite manipulative and controlling. Sees him as a person that gets drunk on power

Sunghoon thinks he's someone that views his actions as more generous and heroic than they really are. Like a person that has a "main character syndrome".

[cheerscoops]

ship: Argyle/Eddie Munson wc: 0.9k A/N: ignore how late this is. I was off having an existential crisis about meeting jamie campbell bower. anyway, this one is dedicated to all of my girlies (gn) in the rarepair server. thank you for helping me choose pretty much all of the pairs for this challenge and listening to me freak out about all the things. you're literally all my favorite people <3

Eddie was dying, and it was all Steve Harrington’s fault. 

Okay, maybe he wasn’t actually dying, but it sure felt like he was. Either way, it was Steve's fault, and Eddie was going to hold a grudge if he didn't feel better soon. He'd invited Steve and Robin over the night before to hang out and share a joint with him to keep him company while his boyfriend was working and his uncle was out of town. The plan had been for them to stay the night, but Steve had chosen to leave early because he wasn't feeling well. When Eddie and Robin woke up with sore throats and stuffy noses the next morning, they could only assume that they'd caught whatever Steve had.

All he wanted to do was wallow in bed until his headache and nausea disappeared, but he couldn't do that with Robin there. Instead, they had each made their own blanket cocoon on the pullout sofa, and Robin was trying to find something for them to watch on TV since neither of them wanted to get up to put on a movie badly enough.

When the phone started to ring, Eddie reluctantly got up to answer it. If it was his uncle, he wanted to say his final goodbyes before this cold inevitably killed him.

“Hello?”

“Dude, you sound terrible.”

Argyle didn't need to say it was him for Eddie to know that it was his boyfriend calling.

“Blame Steve,” he said. “He gave Robin and me his germs and then left us here to die.”

“So, you and Robin are over there by yourselves potentially dying right now?”

“No potentially about it. The end is near. Tell my uncle I love him and use my tape collection to educate the youths on what real music is.”

“You're not going to die. I'll be over soon.”

“Don't come over. Save yourself from the same cursed fate that has befallen us.”

“Get yourself back on the couch, and try to get some rest, okay? No dying unless I'm there.”

“Fine. I'll hold off the cold hand of death for now.”

“That's all I ask.”

Eddie didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but when he woke up, Argyle was inside the trailer and doing something in his kitchen.

“Who let you in?” he asked, the confusion apparent in his voice.

“Robin,” Argyle replied without looking away from what he was doing.

It was then that Eddie realized Robin wasn't sleeping beside him anymore.

“Judas,” he said when he noticed her sitting at the kitchen table with her blanket draped over her head like a cloak. “I told him not to come over and save himself from this germ palace.”

“He wouldn't stop knocking, and he said he had something that would make us feel better. I couldn't not let him in.”

Argyle paused what he was doing at the stove to grab a shopping bag off the counter and bring it over to Eddie. Eddie looked inside and found tissues, a box of the sleepytime tea he went through too quickly whenever he was sick, and the mixed berry cough drops he had to have because all of the other flavors made him gag.

“It's hard to be mad at you when you're being so nice to me.”

“That's kind of the goal here,” Argyle said as he turned his attention back to the big pot on the stove. “This is almost done, and then I can come sit with you.”

“Or you could stay far away from me. I don't want you to die, too.”

“You're not going to die. It's just a cold.”

“So, what I'm hearing is that you don't love me, and you're not going to miss me when I'm dead.”

Argyle chose not to respond to Eddie's dramatics and focused on ladling his concoction into the mugs he'd grabbed earlier. He set one down in front of Robin before making his way over to sit on the pullout with his boyfriend.

“Drink this,” he told him. “It's my nana's secret miracle cure recipe.”

Eddie glanced down into the Garfield mug that he'd been handed.

“It's chicken broth.”

“Magic healing chicken broth. I drank about a gallon of the stuff every time I was sick as a kid. You'll feel better in no time.”

Eddie slowly drank his first mug and then a second, letting himself fill up with the warmth of the broth. When he’d emptied his cup the second time, Argyle set it aside. He’d set up Wayne’s cot in the corner, so he could stay over, too, but Robin had commandeered it for herself and had fallen asleep as soon as she finished her first mug. Instead, he made himself comfortable on the pullout and motioned for Eddie to snuggle up to him.

“But you’ll get sick,” Eddie said, resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest.

“So I get sick,” he replied, rubbing up and down Eddie’s back. “You can take care of me like I took care of you.”

“But I don’t know how to make the miracle cure.”

“That’s okay. I made more than enough.”

“Too nice to me,” Eddie mumbled. “Don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. Now get some sleep.”

Eddie drifted off to sleep in his boyfriend’s arms, and in the morning, when Argyle was the one to wake up with a sore throat and stuffy nose, it was his turn to nurse his equally whiny boyfriend back to health.

[unadulterated-syd]

I'll be here when you wake.

Warning; short, un-edited. Happy ending, no pronouns.

Laying by his side was odd after so much time, it was like the world had collapsed around you and you'd both fallen away. What was once the easiest task, became the hardest, it was hard to look at Carl without crying.

It was like your eyes turned to the sea at his mention, and a part of you wished your hearts were still intertwined and they were no longer in the same universe. Like you'd lost your soulmate, but he sat right beside you as the world ended.

It was scary. For the both of you.

Neither of you had done anything to ruin the relationship, this is what scared you the most. It was no one's fault. You'd simply ran out of love to give, you both had. A world too cruel for love to even consider blooming, or so it felt.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, you could hear the cracks in his voice. The dam was ready to break for him too, and this broke your heart. "I should have tried harder, I'll admit that. And I'm sorry. I mean it, I do." He finished, you could feel your own throat dry up. He was crying. You knew it all too well.

"We should've tried harder." You swallowed the lump in your throat, "We still have time to try again. I mean it, I don't like it without you. It's hard enough to find reasons to live and.." You choked on your new-found tears. "And I'm sorry." Your voice hushed.

You both stared at the ceiling for a long time after that. You cried, both of you, probably enough for the year. Never enough for all the loss. "I wish we could stay here forever." You chuckled, a hit of sorrow lingering in the words.

He smiled too, nodding. He took your hand, laying his and yours lightly against the comforter of your bed. You were both two exhausted to talk more, but you knew this was part two. The journey to rekindling the flame you'd put out.

"Would tonight be good enough, L/n?" He turned his head to face you, an all to familiar tone of sarcasm playing on his lips. All you could do was nod.

Tonight was sure to end soon, with a yawn and slight movement Carl looked up at you from your shoulder. You could see the nervousness written on his face, as if you'd disappear as soon as he closed his eyes.

"I'll be here when you wake up, darlin', I promise." You nodded at him, planting a kiss to his forehead. "I might kill you if you're not." He teased, and with that, you found yourselves wandering in a new unknown.

[alixxius]

12-1-2022

When two people meet and fall in love and they decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together and get married… Never in a million years do they think they will get divorced… They just don't… And when they bring kids into this world, they are so delirious with love and affection for their children—that the children become everything…and this never changes. But as we go through life --it's really important to realize and accept the fact that SOME THINGS do change. People change and evolve…relationships change and evolve…and that is ok...They are supposed to and this is part of the process of life. No journey can last forever and while it may cause sadness, some journeys end sooner than others. But this, in no way, means that the journey wasn’t worth it in the end…quite the opposite. It means that the journey meant everything but that now…its ok to know to let it go: because it has ended. If I could leave you with anything, it’s this: a relationship takes 2 people to work. No one is 100% to blame. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not all my fault our marriage ended. No matter what you think…I am not saying this to defend myself but to, hopefully, provide some insight into your future relationships. I take responsibility and accept the role I played in the demise of our marriage. But I alone, am not the total bad guy…no one is ever the total bad guy. But there are two parts at play. What we had was two people who had grown apart…and could no longer meet each other’s needs. Two completely and totally different people who see the world in vastly different ways. And I need you to ask yourselves: Would you had preferred that we continue to live lies in order to protect you from the truth? Is that what you would have really wanted? No one is a bad guy for wanting to be happy—ever. I cannot and will not try to make you love me or forgive me for what happened. You did not ask for this and I realize you may think that this whole thing is so unkind and unfair to you. But because I was able to face some very hard truths about my life and what I want, I am now a better a person. I deserve happiness and so does your mother. And now, I am a better parent, because I am more authentically myself and at some point, my hope would be to model a healthy and happy relationship to you…because what I was showing you before was neither happy nor healthy. You can be mad at me now and for the rest of your life…but please, I beg you—do not be--it won’t serve you well. To hold onto to that sort of resentment can only hurt and under mind you. I do not want that for you…but I understand if that is what you need to do. I am and always will be here for your and I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. But in the end, remember this: even though SOME relationships change and do end….my love for you will not. You are my children and I love you more than anything. You can choose to let me go…but I will never let go of you. All I want for all of us…is to be happy.

[uchiha-7thsingularity]

Last legacy MC leading the remaining star sworn to live for hope. And old fic idea I had in my drafts I edited just now. Rime and elowen deserve attention as the baddest villains alive for better or for worse!!

A burst of black flames blazed past my head hitting the sealed crystallized door frame. Heavy footsteps echoed throughout the darkened labyrinth, of where time and space froze to "The Lord of Shadows" free will. No matter how hard I resisted in the end the final outcome was surviving in his endless nightmares he created into reality. Wretched skellingtons Felix resurrected roamed Mournfall's soil as the three Starsworn had slowly lost to their inner demons. The first time I saw the poster I brushed it off but it stuck in my curious mindset. Waiting for this agnozing, painful ending to swallow myself whole with this magical world scorching up above the dreams and hope the star sworn strived to obtain. To be selfish for once in our lives we would experience together as a found family. 

(How could I lead them into corruption for my selfish desire to go home? What type of person does this?...... I am a sinister person.) 

BOOM!! 

Clack!?

 Elowen stopped kicking at the door just to start demolishing it with broken rubble. When she keeps doing it Rime rushes her in an instant. Grabbing her wrist she tries to fight back, "Get the-Fuck….OFF…. me!!"

"You think you're the only one trapped here! Stop thrashing about before you hit something to cave us in more ...nobody gets in nobody gets out." He releases her slowly as she hisses under her breath. 

"This is all your fault, you dreadful undead deer-!!", the ever so chilled elowen shrieks between choked sobs. 

Startling his psycho-manic laughter ricochets off the jagged walls, his tries burning into his gloved bloody hands. "Yeah, I am a monster. However…. What the FUCK is your excuse?! If it wasn't for "dying for my ex" I could be off somewhere eating fondue with….my old friends." He doesn't budge to glance at me when I somely stand up battered and wounded. We stand there in hush silence not daring to sever it. 

Sadly, I can't help but run my mouth, "Loath my existence all you want... I get it." I breath in the undead ashes falling all around from the fight above us in Mournfall.

No, you don't get to take the burden I should have -, he cuts me off as he sneers into the abyss but then he swallows a groan. 

"No Rime. I can only imagine why you both came after me for what you both so desired at the beginning. You "Elowen" sought revenge for a life that wasn't only taken from this hateful world, but told you himself, he cherished you and his legacy. He didn't deserve to die like that. I turn to rime with tears in my eyes, "Neither did you. Both their gazes on me I wallow, "Nor did either of you have to bear the burden of losing someone you cared so much in life or death." 

Her beaten body collapses to the floor, the most vulnerable sight I've seen of her since she last talked of her brother's death. Unlike rime who stiffens with a dreadful expression no one else will witness but myself.

"And everyone we believed in is up there fighting a war that was ours to begin with. And yet, here we are fighting an endless quarrel down here with he did, she did, they did….Shit!", I glare at my broken reflection in a cesspool filled with utter regret and sorrow below my soaked toes. 

"I am sorry that I got in the way of releasing each of your wrath. Your only way of bonding with others is to fight and survive now."

"But… Rime I am not sorry, I came into either of your lives", I lift my head seeing them stare at me with utter shock or distress. (I'm done biting my tongue!) "I will always hate living in a world with struggles and regret. No one is perfect, good, nor bad in this situation we're in right now. Especially, I dislike both of you trying to give up on yourselves when our friends need us more than ever!!"

"Even still I "can not" help all at the same time even with the training I worked so hard to improve to stop being a burden on everyone", I breathed, a sigh of relief I kept hidden all this time. 

More tears start to well up as my chest heaves with this unwanted pain I held all this time. "I wanted everyone around me to feel like they could count on me. The pain I felt of being useless never wavered. It never let up, until I met everyone here in Astrea. All I did was smile for everyone but myself. And you each saw right through me before I noticed. I loathed myself for it."

"I-.....

"So what!" 

"You want pitiness!?", Elowen snarls at me with sullen eyes where she had been silently wallowing. "Whatever the reason you came here for was not a MISTAKE. You say you won't pity us, except you want us to look down on you after forgiving us day by day. Don't stand there trying to give a pep talk when you need it more than anyone!!!", she chokes on her words as if she cut her vocal cords. 

"That's not what I…

"She's right."

 (!?) 

My eyes burn with the tears dripping down my heated face. Rime only seems to be looking straight through me as if I weren't even there in front of him. He starts to walk over as he leans down to lock eyes with mine. Holding my breath I observe every white freckle exhibited with anxiety and regret written across his furrowed face. 

The hitch of my breath doesn't help but spook me as his right hand clutches my shoulder. Tightening his grip I can hardly catch my next breath of air as I stare into his blood-shot eyes. Sulking, he reels me into his scarred chest to stroke my head.

"Redemption is a joke", he pouts. 

"There is still a chance…!", I mumble with a somber tone.

"So sure of your words and actions. Never a dull moment with you", his breathe soothes my shaking nerves. "You cease to surprise me...which is irritating in some cases."

Shrieking into the dark, "We can still fix our mess!"

"Mc, please do possess a little common sense left within your flimsy body."

"I do. Thanks for asking."

"Jokes with you... always." 

"And yandere vibes with you!", I stare him down squinting as the echoes of our voices dull out. "An ex-stars sworn leader and a berserker are what will help distract our common enemy long enough to gain the others attention. I have a shitty plan; I just need a distraction to be able to get to higher ground. From what I recall Anisa is fighting skeleingtons. Felix is brewing another storm of the undead while sage…. Is a huge ass dragon-beast." 

"We are going up there to not fix the mess we made. We are going to fight our friends to knock some sense back into them. That white jackass- lord of shadows will not win. Preferably, we'll fight till our final breath, known as the people who shattered the world. Or stay here as monster's, as countless lives are taken by our friends who deserve a happily ever after!"

Heat spills from my body as I stride past both of them. I focus upon finding my magic as I feel a hand touch my back. A source of energy flows within me as my veins begin to glow with essence. Swiveling behind me I see Rime beating his wicked smile upon me as he lends me his magic. Or rather our shared relic. 

"Do you think I let you have all the glory, darling?" He tilts his head down to bump his forehead against my lovestruck expression.

"Ha, ...you look like a drooling mess, Mc!", he laughs with utter passion.

I turn away with a flush of color as I focus on unbinding the wards. Elowen walks up ahead of us head held high with determination as her tail sways. Her fluffy ears twitch slightly as she grabs my shoulder, not even bothering to look at me. I can't help but smile a devious smile as the wards begin to shatter from the astrolabe. Invisible chains falling to the stone floor with thunderous sounds. And all I can think is that I want to live with regret than die with it. For merely, just a second if possible, I would prevail with or without regret to hold my found family once more.

P.S.: Still open for requests. Working on more last legacy fics. Don't really like this one fic but any content is better than none unlike.....someone.

[educatedsimps]

— traffic lights

back to fics masterlist

suna rintarō x f!reader

cw: songfic, ANGST (prepare yourselves), hurt/comfort (a little bit at the end)

a/n: hi, it’s Lyssa! this is my first songfic and the first time writing for Suna so i’m a little nervous about this but i did my best so i hope this was okay :”) thanks again to those who voted and hope you enjoy this fic <3 (also, sorry it took so long to get this out ahshhfhchfj)

wc: 1.1k

Sara Kays - Traffic Lights

I-65 Your hand on my leg while your other hand drives You'd glance to the side I'd tell you to focus, you'd swerve to the right

The highway was empty, with only you and Suna in his car, out for a late night drive. The windows were rolled down, the cool night breeze brushing your faces as he gently squeezed your thigh.

He turned briefly, looking at you with a soft smile on his face. A smile reserved only for you and you only. Lacing your fingers together, he brought them to his lips and planted a sweet kiss on your knuckles, whispering yet another "I love you".

"Don't get distracted now. You don't wanna crash the car, love." You giggled. Your boyfriend smirked and shot you a wink.

"I won't," he promised, before stepping on the accelerator.

That’s how it used to be

You’d look at me before you’d turn the key

But now, I can’t help but think

That maybe you fell out of love with me

Suna rolled his eyes, starting the car as he scoffed at you. As he pulled out of the parking space, you huffed and crossed your arms before leaning back into the passenger's seat.

The ride to your parents' house was a tense one. You couldn't recall a time where he didn't immediately reach for your thigh or hand the second you were both settled inside the car. This time, one arm was resting on the open window, while the other was on the steering wheel.

At any other time, you probably would've spent the entire ride staring at him, but you couldn't even stand to think about him today.

Both of you have had fights before, but this one seemed particularly hard to diffuse. You couldn't even remember why you were so upset with him. Regardless, you were certain that you two would work your way back to normal soon enough.

Neither of you saw the faults forming in your relationship.

'Cause you keep your eyes on the road Both hands on the wheel, you never let go You don't like to talk to me when Your foot's on the gas, say you're focusing

The following weeks made it seem like everything was back to normal, but you didn't notice the growing distance in your relationship.

Or maybe you just decided to ignore it.

There was no way either of you could be falling out of love, right? You had been dating for three years. Despite that, nothing could lessen the hurt you felt when you started noticing the small changes in your routines.

Texts became dry, nights were cold and drives were quieter than ever. He started sleeping in the guest room while you stayed in your supposedly shared bedroom.

Both of you no longer sent each other random I love you's or I miss you's during the day. Nothing.

Conversations in the car became short and curt, with you speaking only to give him directions or reminders. Otherwise, it was silence.

The silence used to be comforting, both of you just content to be in each other's presence. Now it was torment.

You felt choked, suffocated.

I wish we would stop at a red And you'd turn to say, you love me again But you keep your eyes on the road No matter what color the traffic lights glow

"Where are you going this time?" you asked one day.

"Work," he deadpanned.

"That's what you always say..."

"Well, where else would I possibly be going?" he snapped.

"You're never home now. I miss you, Rin."

"What do you want me to do? Not go to work? How else am I supposed to pay the bills here? Money doesn't fall from the sky, Y/N. Not that you'd know, you don't even have any work so stop being ungrateful for once," Suna sneered.

You stared at him, shell-shocked. His tongue, once sweet, now dripped with venom. He didn't even look remorseful after pretty much insulting his own girlfriend.

You were tired. You hated this. You hated him. You hated feeling so damn alone in a relationship, constantly worrying if he even loved you anymore, if he even cared for you or regarded you as his significant other.

Every time that you pull up in the drive I get in your car and think "Is this the last time?" I'm holding my breath in the passenger's side Your safe driving has me scared for my life

"Thanks," you'd mumble to him whenever he dropped you off somewhere or picked you up. You don't even remember the last time you kissed him goodbye, even if it was only on the cheek. You don't remember the last time he said "I love you" or "I'll see you later, love" when you stepped out of his car.

One question kept incessantly nagging at you at the back of your mind - when would this end?

You were torn. You wanted your misery to end. You wanted to stop feeling so alone and unloved, but could you watch him leave and move on? Could you move on?

So when you said the three words that could almost literally make or break your relationship, you honestly didn't know what you were expecting.

"Let's break up."

Suna looked at you, for the first time in days. His face was unreadable. He seemed to think for a while, brows slightly furrowed.

"Yeah. We should break up." He stood. "I'll move all my things out by next week. I can crash at Osamu's place or something. I'll see you around."

You nodded. "Yeah. See you."

And that was it.

That was the last of your four-year relationship with Suna Rintaro.

You felt numb. You knew you were hurt, but you just hadn’t felt it yet. You waited for the sting of heartbreak to settle in your chest, the weight of sadness and the pain of losing someone you once cherished so much.

But it never came.

Maybe you did fall out of love.

And that was okay.

'Cause you keep your eyes on the road Both hands on the wheel, you never let go You don't like to talk to me when Your foot's on the gas, say you're focusing

I wish we would stop at a red And you'd turn to say, you love me again But you keep your eyes on the road No matter what colour the traffic lights glow

No matter what colour the traffic lights glow

a/n: FINALLY posted this. after how many weeks anhvfnksbhxj but anyway thank you for reading this little heartbreaker <33 -lyssa

edit: tagging some of my beloved moots @tearofvenus @chifemi @toru-oikawas-milkbread <3 lmk what you think! it’s my first time writing for Suna ajknhjbsxhj

© educatedsimps 2021. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down (likes and reblogs are appreciated)

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

So I don’t have a blog for this but here’s a scenario. A and B leave for a week trip to visit A’s family for vacation. It’s not a very fun one though because everyone in the family gets a cold including A.

A tried to tell B to keep distance but they say “I’ve been with you and the family all week, if I was going to get it, it’s too late”. But miraculously nothing happens… until the day they leave to drive back home.

B wakes up feeling awful. A knows, but B doesn’t want A’s family to worry. On the way out the parents say “B, I don’t know how you managed to avoid all this…”

A volunteers to drive home. B ends up getting hit the worst, and A takes care of them the week after while they recover.

Hello anon! I hope you saw the first part to your fic. Posting this ask now with the second part so everyone can see the completion of this prompt. Thank you for the wonderful idea! I loved writing this prompt so much

Part 2 of this fic influenced by this post and this post.

Read Part 1 of Under the Weather here. As previously stated, feel free to send me more prompts or asks for Shane and Molly!

Under the Weather Part 2:

A tired and headachy Molly emerged the next day, their final full day in Seabrook. Her tiredness, she decided, was from all the interrupted half-naps and late night shenanigans the day before. The headache, she told herself, was from the emotional fatigue from the past week. As for the minor sore throat she had… Well, she did her best to ignore it.

She met Linda on her way to the kitchen. Her future mother-in-law was just coming from there with two mugs of tea and Jory at her heels as always. The older woman was pale and haggard-looking, with dark circles under her eyes and her nose a vivid red.

"I'm really not well today, dear," Linda croaked before Molly could speak. "Neither is David. How is Shane?"

"I don't know, ma'am. I assume he's sleeping," Molly said, thankful she didn't have to lie. "He's been in his room with the door closed all night. I was going to check on him soon."

"I see. Well you'll have to entertain yourselves today. I'm not sure how much I'll even manage to get out of bed," Linda said faintly, and Molly actually believed her, for she certainly looked much worse than the day before.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Don't worry about me. I just hope you feel better. If you need anything, please let me know."

"Thank you, dear," Linda sniffled, continuing her shuffling way back to her room, where Dave could be heard, coughing away as always, but now with wet sniffling added in.

After obtaining a much-needed coffee, Molly made her way to Shane's room once again. She softly opened the door and peeked in. She found him sleeping as expected, snoring to wake the dead. Whether he sensed her presence or it was just perfect timing it was hard to be sure, but he began to stir a moment later. After plucking at his blankets and pillows for a bit, he finally lifted his head a fraction and opened sleep-crusted eyes.

"Molly?" he muttered, hardly intelligible, reaching for the spot where she'd been laying when he fell asleep the night before.

"I'm here, hon," she called softly, creeping in and closing the door. "Are you ok?"

"Just wondered where you went," he mumbled, lying back down with a chesty cough.

She didn't bother to explain that she'd been gone for over eight hours, but simply clambered back up beside him. "How'd you sleep? How are you feeling?"

"Mmph."

"That good, huh?" She pressed her hand against his forehead like she had the day before. This time though, she gasped softly at the unexpected heat she felt there. "Oh Shane, you've definitely got a fever now."

"Mmph."

"My poor love. I'm so sorry this is happening to you." She tenderly stroked his messy hair.

He cracked one eye open. " 'S not your fault. Thi'gs happen. Part of life."

"I suppose," Molly sighed. "I just hate seeing you so miserable."

Shane grunted. Before he could do more than that, his hazy, pre-sneeze expression appeared, and his breath hitched warningly: "Gihh-ESSHHshuuu! Hih-- hehKSHHHshuu!" His breath stuttered, and there was a pause, but it was clear the tickle was still overwhelming him. With streaming eyes, he pressed his face into his elbow as his chest expanded once more. "Ehhh- ERRSHHhuh! Hih'EZSHHyue!"

Molly handed him a handful of tissues with a sympathetic sound. "Bless you. Poor doc."

He scrubbed his face roughly with the tissues, coughing as he did so. "At least ndow I'mb sigck enough thad mbaybe mbom will leave us alone and let mbe sleebp," he mumbled thickly.

Molly chuckled humorlessly. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that. Your parents are a lot sicker today too. We're probably safe."

Shane huffed a small sigh. "That sugcks. *I'mb* sorry this is happening to *you*. This mbust be a pretty mbiserable vacation."

"It's not so bad," Molly said with a shrug. "The first part of the week was fine." She squeezed his hand with a little smile. "And I couldn't be miserable as long as I'm spending time with you. I don't care what else is happening."

"Mby girl," Shane said with a sleepy smile.

"All yours," Molly grinned, kissing his hand. "Do you need anything right now?"

"Ndo," Shane said, burying his face against her with a yawn. "Just you lyi'g here to keep mbe warm while I knock myself back out with Nyquil."

"I think I can handle that," she giggled.

Shane passed the whole day in a Nyquil-induced stupor. He was either sleeping or half asleep and barely aware of his surroundings. However, he somehow knew whenever Molly left his bed, because the times she got up to use the bathroom or eat, she would find him restlessly tossing when she returned, and he wouldn't settle again until she was at his side.

She tried to get him up around midday during one of his restless bouts, thinking perhaps a change of scenery and some fresher air might help him feel better.

"Shane, c'mon," she coaxed. "You need to eat something, and you don't want to get food in your bed. Sit up for a little bit. Stretch your legs. Let's go watch TV in the living room at least."

He lifted his head and leveled his sleepy stare at her. "I'mb ndot getting oudt of bed," he croaked firmly. "And I'mb ndot hungry anyway." He let his head flop back down on the pillow, his eyes drifting shut immediately.

That ended the conversation, and she didn't try to argue with him again that day. She let him sleep, and in fact slept most of the day with him. Much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she really wasn't feeling well. Her nose and throat were tickly and scratchy, and her headache didn't go away the whole day. Sleeping didn't really help her feel better, but it didn't make her feel worse, and there wasn't much else for her to do. Her feverish fiance didn't like her to be out of his sight for long, and since he wouldn't leave his room, she wasn't inclined to do so either.

Linda and Dave didn't make a single appearance the entire day. Molly heard them moving around the house a few times, but they didn't come anywhere near their son's room. It was the laziest, most peaceful day Molly could ever remember having, and it was almost a surprise when the sun disappeared and she realized their vacation was almost over. Evening turned into night, and still Shane slept on, while Molly remained nearby to keep an eye on him.

Her sleep schedule was completely out of whack, so after sleeping all morning, she was wide awake and playing games on her phone when Shane began to wake in the middle of the night. She watched him toss and turn beside her for a while, and when he finally opened his eyes, she greeted him with a smile.

"Hey stranger," she murmured.

He returned the smile, stretching luxuriously. "Hey you. What time is it?" He croaked, his voice only a sleepy whisper.

"Almost one-thirty A.M. How are you feeling?"

"Better, I thingk." He rubbed his eyes, yawning. "I feel mbore awake. Thingk my fever is down." He slowly raised himself to a sitting position, unable to keep from coughing as he did so.

Molly pressed a hand to his forehead to confirm. "It definitely is. That's good news."

Shane chuckled. "It is good news. You could use an actual thermometer though, you know. The accuracy of your hand in gauging a fever could be considered questionable."

Molly quirked an eyebrow, unable to keep from smiling. "Are you saying you want me to go grab an actual thermometer, Dr. Mitchell?" she teased.

“Ndo, ndo. What I want is sumb food. I’mb absolutely starving.” His stomach growled loudly as he spoke, proving his point.

Molly giggled. "That'll happen when you haven't eaten all day. Poor guy. I've never heard your stomach make a noise like that before."

He stood and stretched with another yawn. “Let’s go raid mom and dad’s pantry.”

“I’m game,” Molly said, gesturing for him to lead the way.

They decided to make a little party out of their midnight snack, in celebration of Shane’s improving health. Molly lit a few candles that were supposed to be from their engagement party and played some smooth jazz through her phone. Meanwhile Shane scoured the house for food, until he came up with a huge bag of pizza rolls for himself and a new box of cereal for Molly. Once the food was procured, Molly made a jug of grape Kool-Aid while Shane manned the microwave as the pizza rolls cooked.

When everything was ready, they dug in with gusto. Molly perched on the kitchen island with her legs crossed to enjoy her cereal, putting her at eye level with her fiance, who was standing and devouring pizza rolls like he hadn’t eaten in a week. They didn’t talk much--they didn’t need to. Happiness and contentment saturated the room, and saturated every look they exchanged with one another.

However, all things must come to an end. Even after sleeping all day, they both wanted to at least try to get some sleep overnight before driving home the next day. So, after cleaning up the kitchen, they kissed goodnight and went their separate ways for the first time all day. Molly was certain she wouldn’t be able to sleep, but after taking her melatonin, she felt her eyes getting heavy, and she was asleep in no time.

~~~

Morning came too soon for Molly. Before she even opened her eyes, she knew she was sick. Every muscle hurt, her head was pounding, and her nose felt irritated and itchy. Sitting up made her cough. She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them with a groan. The simple task of putting clothes on and bringing her suitcase to the front door felt monumental. She had to do it, though. She'd rather be sick in the car with Shane than be stuck here any longer.

With a sigh, she slowly lowered her feet to the ground, beginning to shiver immediately. The change in position made her nose start to tickle and run. Letting the inevitable happen, she hunched forward into a pair of itchy sneezes.

“hiiihh’TEHHTCH! ehht’CHOO! Ugh.” She swiped the back of her hand against her nose in frustration. The fact that she had seen this cold play out and knew she was in for a long few days only served to sour her mood even further. Still, by tonight she’d be at home in her own bed. That thought alone gave her the strength to stand and begin getting ready.

She got all her things collected and packed, and got dressed. The mirror revealed she looked just as ill as she felt, and she didn't want Shane's parents to know she was sick, lest they insist the couple stay longer. With that in mind, she put on the bare minimum amount of makeup needed to make her look human, though it was the last thing she wanted to do. Everything felt like it took twice as long as it should have, but at last she was ready to go, and her packed suitcase was waiting by the door. She debated lying back down as soon as she was done, but she didn’t want to fall back asleep just to be woken up again right away. She also hadn’t seen her fiance or anyone else all morning. With nothing else to do, she made her shaky way to Shane’s room, blowing her nose as she went.

The physician was up and about, looking showered and shaved and generally much improved. His eyes were tired and his nose was red, but he had lost the sickly, miserable look he’d had for the past few days. He gave her a warm smile as she entered.

“Good morning, love!” he said, continuing to toss things into his suitcase as he spoke. “I'mb almost all packed up. I’mb feeling a lot better today, thanks to you. That little date last night was amazing, by the way. You’ve been amazing this whole weekend. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Oh, I was thinking, can we stop and get ice cream on the way home? I woke up with a huge craving for some. Also, what do you think about--”

Shane’s boundless, golden retriever-esque energy was clearly returning, and he was gearing up to talk her ear off. Hardly able to follow what he was saying in her miserable haze, she approached him wordlessly and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his chest, causing him to pause his monologue.

“Hey you, what’s up?” he said, readily reciprocating the embrace. “Everything okay?”

“Nngh,” she mumbled, barely audible, as she hugged him tighter.

He took a half step back, holding her at arm’s length and scrutinizing her, running his thumb along her jawline. He drew her back into his arms a moment later, pressing his lips to her hair. “You’re sigck, aren’t you? You caught the cold after all.”

She nodded mutely against him, sniffling.

He felt her forehead gently. “No fever. Yet, anyway. Are you feeling pretty bad?”

“Everything hurts. Except my nose, that just tickles. And I’m so tired. Feel like I could sleep all day again.”

“Sounds about right,” Shane sighed. “I’mb sorry, babe. Sorry I got you sigck.”

She glanced up at him with a tiny smile. “It’s not your fault. Things happen. It’s part of life.”

He hugged her close. “Let’s get you home. I’ll be ready in just a minute.” He led her to his bed and helped her hop up onto it. She lay down and wrapped herself in his duvet with a cough. “I’m ready too. But don’t tell your parents I’m sick. I don’t want them to feel bad, or to ask us to stay longer. I just want to be home.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

Once Shane was ready, they made their way to the kitchen with their suitcases in tow. Shane’s parents were there getting breakfast. The elder Mitchells looked somewhat worse for wear, clearly still under the weather, but they made a good showing of seeing the couple off properly. Linda of course talked non-stop the whole time.

“Oh, you two early birds are already ready to go! You’re sure you won’t stay for breakfast? Well I don’t know what we have, I wasn’t able to go shopping yesterday, but we could find you something! Oh I’m just so sad that that darn rain got us all sick. It just ruined everything! Are you sure you don’t need anything before you go? Dave, give them some gas money. I’ll miss you both so much! You must come visit again soon!”

After several minutes of similar exclamations and inquiries, Shane at last got a chance to cut in and give her a hug and kiss, saying all the appropriate good-byes, then did the same to his father. Molly would have been content with waving good-bye, but Linda was having none of it, and drew her future daughter-in-law into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry about your party, dear, and for a sad end to your vacation, with all of us ill. We’ll make it up to you somehow. Count your lucky stars for your health, though. I have no idea how you managed to avoid this cold, but I envy you!”

Molly could only smile wanly. Linda didn’t seem to notice and kept on talking. However, Shane was heading out the door, and Molly made sure she was close behind. Dave and Linda followed them, watching as they loaded their suitcases into Shane’s car, and calling their good-byes as the pair got in and got themselves buckled. Everyone was waving cheerfully as the car headed down the driveway. When Shane turned a corner and the house was out of sight, they each breathed a sigh of relief. Molly glanced over at her partner.

“How are you feeling, really?” she asked hesitantly, scrubbing at her nose.

He glanced back at her. “I’mb really good, honest. My ndose and throat are the only things still bothering mbe. I feel pretty much back to normal.”

“You’re not too tired?”

“Nope. Feel like I’ll ndever be tired again after sleeping so mbuch the past few days.”

“So… you think you’re okay to drive all ten hours on your own? Because I’m so tired… and I really don’t--”

His warm hand on her knee stopped her. “Don’t worry about it, babe, seriously. I’mb fine. If I have to stop, then we’ll get a hotel. Budt you just sleep. I’ve got this.”

She felt gratitude wash over her. “You know I’m crazy about you, right?” she said with a smile.

“Likewise, love,” he said, smiling back. “Here.” He tossed her his coat, which had been over the back of his seat. “For a blanket. You haven’t stopped shivering all morning.”

Molly, already wrapped in her own coat, smiled again and spread his coat over herself eagerly, then nestled into the seat, closing her eyes immediately. “Wake me when you stop for food. I need some hot cocoa,” she mumbled, burying her face in his coat.

Molly slept most of the ride home, or tried to. Even with the heat blasting, to the point that Shane was sweating in a tee shirt, she was freezing and couldn’t get warm, so her sleep was fitful. Her nose also insisted on dripping incessantly, making things difficult as well. Every time they stopped, Shane made sure he got her a hot drink, but nothing seemed to help. She was huddled in a miserable ball against the car door for most of the trip, and Shane could do nothing but worriedly watch her tremble.

For his part, Shane really was feeling much better. For the first eight hours or so, he hardly felt like he’d been sick apart from a residual sore throat, postnasal drip, and runny nose, and his energy level was better than usual. However, a ten-hour car trip as the sole driver is hard on anyone, and he began to flag as evening rolled in. Yawns became more frequent, and a headache began to set in. As his energy level decreased, his symptoms became harder to ignore. He found himself rubbing his nose against his shoulder again and again to stave off stubborn tickles. Molly was trying to sleep after all, and he didn’t want to wake her.

Soon the tickle became unbearable. He felt his nostrils flaring, and his breath hitched warningly. Yet he continued to tamp down the sneezes, not wanting to startle his sick fiancee. He started to sneeze at least half a dozen times, managing to stop each one, but eventually he realized he was building into a sneezing fit, and resistance was futile. His brow furrowed as he took one last huge breath:

“Huh’ZISSHH-SHUE! h’GIZSHHH’shue! hhh-GSHHYUE! K’SHHHyue! h-Hih’KSHHYUE!”

Naturally, Molly woke at all the noise, shifting around with a little groan. She opened bleary eyes, fixing them on him. “Bless you,” she croaked.

“Thangks. Sorry I woke you,” Shane said, blowing his nose awkwardly with one hand.

“ ‘S fine. How are you doing?” she said, yawning. “You gonna make it?”

“Oh I’mb good. Good enough, anyway.” The rough cough that slipped out as he spoke told a different story, however. He cleared his throat, then continued, more hoarsely. “I’ll get us home. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried. I know you’ll keep us safe,” Molly said. “I’m just sorry I’m so….” she gestured at herself vaguely.

Shane chuckled. “You're fine. Budt how are *you* feeling?"

Molly shrugged, shifting around uncomfortably. "Cold. Tired. Sick."

Still watching the road, Shane reached a hand over and pressed it against her forehead. "Think your fever is kicking in. You're warm."

Molly made a face. "And how would you know? I don't think I am. I don't feel any different. I probably feel warm to you because *you've* got a fever. Everything feels warm to you."

Shane frowned. "I don't have a fever anymore. It broke last night."

"Hmph. Well you *look* like you have a fever," Molly muttered. She let the issue drop though, readjusting Shane's coat over top of herself and closing her eyes again.

Shane frowned again, stretching to see himself in the rearview mirror. He sighed when the reflection confirmed what she had just said. He was indeed looking flushed, heavy-lidded, and glassy-eyed once more. That explained how miserable he was starting to feel again. He shook his head trying to clear it, then sniffled. Less than two hours to go. He could make it.

~~~

And make it he did. They rolled into the driveway of Molly's rental home right on schedule, but not a moment too soon. Shane was totally played out. The last five miles had been touch and go as far as him staying awake, and he had intentionally woken Molly by sneezing again, and kept her talking to help him finish the trip.

The sick couple dragged themselves out of the car sluggishly, only grabbing the bare essentials they needed from their luggage before making their way to the porch.

"I'mb staying here tonight," Shane mumbled, coughing in the dry air as Molly unlocked the door. "I can't drive anymbore tonight."

She nodded sleepily. "Fine with me."

After a brief stop at the bathroom, the pair fell into bed, stripping off their outerwear as they went. Shane couldn't seem to stop coughing for more than a few moments though. Before she got too comfortable, a shivering Molly fetched him cough syrup and water, which he accepted gratefully. She crawled into bed beside him with a thick sniffle as he took the medicine.

"Thank god we don't work tomorrow," she mumbled, wrapping herself up in blankets.

"No kidding," Shane agreed, downing his water, then lying back down himself. "Hey, how are you doi'g, babe?" he croaked after a moment. "Should we get you sumb mbedicine or chegck your temperature before we sleep?"

"Don't worry about me," she mumbled into her pillow. "You're sicker than I am. If we should check anyone's temperature, it's yours."

His chuckle rumbled the bed behind her. "Whatever you say." The bed shifted as he rolled over and pulled her close against himself until there wasn't an inch of space between them, then snugly wrapped her in his arms. "I can at least do this though," he murmured drowsily in her ear. "I've been wanting to all day."

She pressed back against him with a little smile, basking in his warmth. "This is the only medicine I need."

Shane's only reply was a soft snore, having already given over to the demands of his body. Molly let her eyes drift closed and quickly followed him into a deep sleep.

[a-student-out-of-time]

well we don't know for sure what next year is going to be like but it doesn't mean it'll go completely downhill from there, yes there will be ups and downs but...

you won't be alone you have us anons here and the others...sure you can't go to school at one point but..we anons have been here with you and the others since the beginning and we'll see though all of this until the very end, i know it's...scary of what's going to happen.

but trust me when i say this..it will end ok?

so don't worry too much and go have fun

(Hold up did i type some sort of comfort speech or something @_@)

…It’s just terrifying to know the future is relying on a guy who can barely even trust his family.

But do you trust them now?

I...

…After Dad actually risked his life to help us when he really didn’t have to...yeah. I think so.

I just...I feel awful for the ways I’ve acted, when I’ve probably just made them worry about me. Being stuck in the Tragedy for years, it made me focus too much on the bad things. Everything felt awful and I blamed them when I shouldn’t have.

I mean...I’m the one that wanted to go to Hope’s peak in the first place. I couldn’t get over my self-loathing and my need to feel special.

…Haji, can I tell you something your mom once told me?

What’s that?

She wishes they’d never sent you to that school in the first place. But they saw how much you admired it, and how much you wanted to be someone great. And they didn’t feel like they could’ve just said no to you.

And...I don’t think any of you can blame yourselves. You had no idea what that school was really like, and neither did they. The school lied to you all from day one. We all know that now.

I don’t want any of you to be too hard on yourselves.

*Sigh*

When we get back, there’s a lot I wanna tell them.

I really hope that goes well for you.

And take it from me, when you’re stuck between “everything is their fault” and “I’m a horrible person, I don’t deserve to be forgiven,” you don’t make any progress. You need to just...be willing to talk and apologize.

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. This is chapter 17. You have returned to Yavin 4 to bury your baby daughter.

It's a time to reflect on your relationship and future together.

A revelation from Poe's past brings you closer together.

Warnings, angst, flashbacks of smut, grief, female receiving oral sex, loss of a child, not for anyone under 18.

Instead of bringing your new baby home you were burying her next to her grandparents.

You were sad and angry at the same time. Somehow you blamed yourself for the loss.

The ceremony was short and minimal. You were too heartbroken to even name her so instead the tombstone read "Baby girl Dameron".

After the funeral you and Poe stay by yourselves, you were staying with Kes Dameron and he was watching his grandson.

You're so grief stricken that you were silent. No tears, no emotion, nothing, you were too shocked to have a reaction.

"My heart is shattered". Poe confesses, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Our little girl, gone, just like that".

"It's my fault, I know it is". You tell him, your voice devoid of emotion and your eyes blank and unmoving. "It has to be".

"No, stop it". Poe tells you, a slight hint of frustration apparent in his voice. "I hate how you always beat yourself up over things that you have no control over".

"You don't just lose two babies like that". You continue, as bitter tears roll down your cheeks. "You don't, you can't".

"Yes you can". Poe insists, his voice starting to shake from emotion. "I know, too well, believe me".

10 years earlier, D'Qar

He'd seen her around before and had enjoyed flirtatious banter with her before.

Her name was Reesayan Larchar, or "Rees" for short.

She was a beautiful, blonde haired rebellion captain, finally after knowing each other for awhile Poe asked her out.

Their relationship was a casual one, mainly he'd meet up with her to satisfy each other's sexual needs.

"Love" really wasn't there, but there was great sexual chemistry.

"Fuck, your cock is so huge".

"It is?"

Poe and Rees are fooling around late one night. They were both drunk and she was teasing him about being unable to fit most of his cock inside of her mouth.

With a slight laugh Poe rolls Rees over on her back, spreads her legs and started to lightly suck on her clit as he teased her wet hole with his finger.

Poe ate pussy like a pro. It was a known fact around the base. He loved doing it too.

Rees had sought him out because of the stories that she had heard.

Poe licked, sucked, fingered and tongue fucked her into a state of sheer orgasmic bliss.

With his mind clouded by alcohol, without thinking, he then rolled her over on all fours, grabbed her hips and just started pounding into her.

"Damn". Rees curses with a breathless moan as she could feel his large cock stretching her tight, wet walls.

"Do you want me to?" Poe asked with a slight smile, his gorgeous curly hair askew.

"Mmm, yes, go ahead". Rees moaned as she bit her lower lip.

Neither one of them was on birth control but Poe figured that once wouldn't hurt. He loved to cum inside of his partners, it felt more intimate to him.

Weeks later Poe received an urgent message from Rees. One time did hurt, she was pregnant.

Poe left the option up to her, and she decided to keep the baby.

They mutually decided to end their sexual relationship but co-parent the child together. It seemed like a win-win situation, Poe couldn't wait for his baby to arrive.

Her pregnancy went along smoothly, Rees was having a baby boy that they had planned on naming Vega.

The baby seemed to be doing okay. He was a little small but otherwise healthy.

Poe was there in the delivery room when she gave birth. The baby was completely silent when he was born, he knew immediately that something was wrong.

Their son never breathed a single breath or opened his eyes.

The grief was unbearable for both of them. Poe just cradled his baby boy and cried harder than he'd ever cried before in his life. Rees transferred out of D'Qar shortly afterwards and he never saw her again.

Present day

"Oh Poe, I had no idea". You tell him as you lean over and give him a tender kiss on the cheek.

"It's still hard for me to talk about". Poe explained, kissing you back, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "As horrible as these things are they really do just happen".

You move closer to Poe and put your arm around him. You look deeply into his eyes and tell him,

"I had no idea".

"It still hurts all these years later". He continued, hanging his head down. "He would have been 10 this year, I always think about what he would be like today".

The two of you share one of those intimate embraces that make you forget about your troubles for a little while.

"We've got to keep reminding ourselves to be strong for our son". You tell him softly. "Boe needs us".

"Of course". Poe replied with a slight smile. "He's our miracle child".

Poe's revelation about his lost son broke his heart. He's buried 3 children. Your son that you shared together was truly a miracle.

Boe is already sound asleep like a good little boy when you return to the Dameron family farm.

You're about a month postpartum. Your c section scar is fresh but healing well. You hate it because to you it represents a constant reminder of your loss.

Poe is already relaxing in bed, nude and on top of the covers, reading a book.

Seeing him like that makes you desire him, the way the low light reflected off of his smooth, tan skin.

And the graying hair, ugh, how dare he.

You just wanted to touch him, explore every inch of his body. But it was too soon to have sex.

You feel guilty for having these feelings. Snap out of it! You scream at yourself silently as you join your gorgeous husband in bed.

As soon as you lay down next to him Poe rolls over and wraps his arms around you in a tight, intimate embrace.

"Poe, we can't". You warn him with a slight laugh.

"I know, but I can please you other ways". He tells you as he starts to kiss and suck on your neck.

You know exactly what he wants. But you weren't feeling very comfortable in your own skin at that particular time.

"Everything is a mess down there". You tell him with a slight laugh. "It's not the same neat little pussy that you're used to seeing".

"Oh babe". Poe tells you as his kisses become more passionate. "It doesn't matter, I love your body but I love you most of all".

His hand slides between your legs and his fingers gently begin to tease and touch your wetness. The sensation feels almost electric, you haven't had pleasure like this in a long time.

"You need to cum". Poe whispered seductively into your ear as he continued to caress your wet folds with his fingers.

You roll over on your back, his head immediately goes between your legs, and he finds your clit.

Poe's lips latch onto your swollen clit and he starts to suck it gently as two fingers gently massage your wet hole.

When you cum your tight muscles grab onto his fingers and gush warm fluid all over them. Poe immediately pulls his fingers out and licks them clean, tasting every drop of your essence.

He then starts to lick, from your clit all the way down to the crack of your ass. Slow, deliberate, almost painful movements, you feel like he's devouring and tasting you.

When his tongue enters you the pleasure is too much and you scream his name as you climax hard.

One intense orgasm is all you can endure that night, afterwards you are feeling cuddly but extremely tired.

"I told you that you needed that". Poe whispered into your ear as he pulled you tight.

"You were right". You reply with a slight laugh.

You giggle as Poe begins to softly kiss you again.

The next morning you were planning on returning home, as you slept restlessly you couldn't help but fret about your future, and your health.

End of chapter 17

[fangirlspammer]

Journey to the Past pt.3

This took awhile to write, but I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you are enjoying this😌

You had been pacing around your living room for half an hour now. Jack was still not home after that blowout back in her office nearly two hours ago. You knew she had work to do and probably needed to cool down before coming over, if she was still coming over. You had showered and made dinner, but still there was no sign of Jack not even a text. Just as you thought about giving up the door opened and you turned to face Jack.

"Jack," you stopped as she held up her hand and you couldn't read her expression. Was she upset with you? Had something happened in the case? Had Gibbs made things worse? All of these questions flooding your mind only made you more anxious.

Jack sighed and set down her coat and purse. "We need to talk," her voice sent chills down your spine and your stomach turned. Nothing good ever came from that sentence in a relationship.

"I shouldn't have called him out like that. It wasn't appropriate," you stepped in quickly.

"No, it wasn't, but that's not what we need to talk about," she shook her head and patted the seat beside her on the sofa.

You looked to her with a certain fear in your eyes, cautiously proceeding to her side. As you sat you looked at your hands that were fiddling in your lap. "Jack, baby, you're really starting to freak me out. Is this about us?"

Jack noticed the fear exuding from you and took your hand. "No! No, god no," she shook her head quickly. "I love you, Y/N," you felt yourself smile as she carried on. "I just needed to clear things up. Gibbs didn't end things with me," she sighed and ran her free hand through her hair.

You furrowed your brow as you listened to her. "I don't understand."

Jack began to chew her lower lip and get antsy in her seat. "Gibbs and I weren't a thing for a long time, despite what his team says," she started and stood up. Now she was the one who was pacing the room. "We flirted and spent a lot of time together, yes," she turned to face you and sighed. "One night, after things were starting to get serious, we found ourselves.." she squinted her eyes and tilted her head a bit, unsure how to phrase this. You nodded and she carried on, leaving you with the unsettling images of your girlfriend and your boss in bed together. "The next morning I told him things weren't going to work because I liked somebody else," she finally took a seat again and put her head in her hands.

You're eyes widened in realization of what she was getting at. "You mean you left him for me?"

Jack nodded, but retracted her response. "It wasn't me leaving him, Y/N. We weren't a couple."

"But you slept together," she nodded and you sighed. "He thinks it's my fault."

"No," Jack moved closer and pushed your hair from your face. "I talked to him tonight, and he knows where my head was at now. He's sorry for how he's treated you these past months."

You scoffed and rolled youreyes. "Gibbs apologized?" You couldn't help your skepticism on the subject. Special Agent, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not one to apologise. He was barely one to stick around for a full conversation.

"Maybe not in so many words, but I know he is sorry," Jack laughed and you rolled your eyes with a little smirk tugging at the corner of your lips.

She leaned in to kiss your cheek, brushing her lips over it a few times before proceeding to your jawline. This lasted awhile before she captured your lips in a series of hungry kisses. Your stomach did flips and your heart raced at her touch. Your hand slid up her thigh and found its way behind her back. Nothing had ever felt as good as it did when Jack was in your arms.

"I made dinner," you whispered as you both pulled away for air. She arched her brow and you laughed at the cautious look that spread across her face. "I know, I know. We might have to order in."

"I'll eat whatever you made," she smirked and pushed loose strands of hair from your face. Her deep brown eyes glossed over with love and lust.

You found yourself unable to speak for a few moments, getting lost in Jack completely. You couldn't explain the feelings that arose inside of you whenever she was around, and when she was as close as she was now all hell broke loose within you. You shook your head of your devious thoughts before clearing your throat and letting out a soft laugh. "I won't make you do that to yourself. My cooking will probably put you up for a week," you laughed with more amusement in your tone.

Jack rolled her eyes and let out a sound that you swore sounded like an angel singing. "I'll risk it," she leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on your ruby lips once more. "Who knows, maybe I can have you for dessert?"

You felt your cheeks get hot and swore your face was the shade of a tomato. You absolutely loved when Jack was playful like this with you. "Maybe," you smirked and kissed her lips once more. "Maybe I'll even let you have seconds."

Soft giggles filled the room and you both found yourselves lost in yet another series of desperate kisses. Neither of you were ever able to keep your hands off of each other. Honestly you were amazed that you had managed to stay mostly professional at work. At least to the publics eyes you were.

*

*

Jack couldn't remember a longer 'hump day' in her life. The murder of Lieutenant Abigail Finnley was going on its third day of being unsolved. William Jenson was still a suspect even though NCIS had to release him due to lack of evidence, and Jack could only imagine the smug look he must of had on his face as he walked out. She had been over the files at least five times that morning alone, but she was getting nowhere. She tossed her pencil across the room in frustration just as the door open. She looked up and saw Gibbs standing there surprised after having to dodge a flying pencil.

"Have a new file for you," he walked in and shut the door behind him. He held out yet another boring beige folder and she took it with frustration.

"Just what I need. Another file to go over that'll lead me nowhere," she rolled her tired brown eyes, unamused.

Gibbs couldn't help the smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips when he saw the frustration written all over her. "Lesley Hangman, Lieutenant Finnley's best friend," he stated plainly.

Jack was flipping through the files now and looked up at Gibbs suddenly. "We already questioned her. Did you find something else?"

"Finnley filled a restraining order against her the week before she died."

Jack was intrigued. She adjusted her glasses and sat forward with curiosity. "Now why would you file a restraining order against your best friend?"

Gibbs shrugged. "That's where you come in, Jack," he sighed and started to leave, but he stopped at the door. "Y/N-"

Jack arched a brow and gave a little nod. "She'll be on her best behavior tomorrow," she assured him.

"Not what I was asking, Jack."

"I know," their eyes locked for a moment before she sighed, giving into his silent questions. "I told her everything, and we are fine." Gibbs nodded and just like that Jack was left to her own devices once again.

Jack looked down as her phone made a noise. A smile crossed her lips as she read the text.

Chinese takeout tonight. Any movie requests? (:

Surprise me baby. Can't wait to see you;) -J

*

*

You chuckled at the text you just received and licked the cookie dough off of the spatula. You began to wipe the counter and do the dishes as the cookies baked, filling the room with a rich sweetness. There was not much to do being stuck at home but cook and clean, and try not to focus too negatively on yesterday's events. You sighed and turned your music up to drown out your thoughts. You began to dance and hum to yourself. Jack would be home soon and you wanted her to enjoy the evening. This case was too personal for her, and you knew that the last thing she would want was to think about it all. The door opened, but you didn't hear it. You were too busy singing along to the music into a wooden spoon. Your hips swayed and you tossed you hair. A loud screech escaped your lips as you felt arms wrap around you from behind.

"Jack! I didn't even hear you come in," you tried to catch your breath as you turned in her arms. She chuckled and pecked your lips. "I wasn't expecting you so soon."

"We wrapped the case," she shrugged and kissed your nose again, giggling. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. You just looked so sexy I couldn't resist."

You rolled your eyes and smirked. She had an excuse for everything. Your brows furrowed when you realized what she had said. "You wrapped the case? Was it-"

Jack shook her head and sighed. "No, it wasn't Jenson. Turns out it was the best friend, Lesley Hangman. She and Finnley were more than friends, but when Finnley broke things off Lesley became obsessed with trying to get her back."

"And that's when Lieutenant Finnley filed the restraining order?" Your knowledge sparked Jack's curiosity and you giggled. "Bishop might have filled me in on a few details earlier."

Jack rolled her eyes and continued. "Yes, well Lesley came over to confront Abigail and things got heated. That's when she stabbed her," she sighed and let her body relax against yours, pressed against the counter. Your arms instinctively wrapped around her.

"Sounds like you need to put your feet up," you breathed out as she pressed against you. Your heart was racing. The things this woman did to you.

"Way up," she smirked playfully causing you groan.

She leaned closer, kissing along your jawline before dipping down to the curve of your collarbone. Your head tilted back instinctively and you swallowed hard. Your grip on the counter tightened as her lips trailed down your chest, but quickly made their way back to your neck. You could feel your legs getting shaky, and she must have too because her leg pushed in between yours and her hips held you in position. You let out another groan, this one more desperate than the last. You took a deep breath, but her scent was intoxicating.

Your hands ran up her back until they found their way into her beautifully, blonde, beach curls, and gave them a gentle tug. She gasped and looked into your eyes before you leaned forward to capture her lips in a heated frenzy of passion. You both wasted no time finding your way into each other's mouths, fighting for dominance, and before you knew it Jack was leading you to the bedroom. You didn't stop her as she kicked the door shut and laid you on the bed. All previous plans were out the window, and your focus was on the beautiful, half naked blonde straddling you now and kissing down your body.

"Y/N," Jack's voice was low and seductive as she inches closer to your thighs.

Her fingers latched under your panty line, but you pulled her back up to you and quickly flipped her over. "Jack," you groaned again. Her hands were pinned to the mattress as our straddled her now and dipped your head to kiss her passionately. "This is about you," you whispered and smirked. She let out that giggle that sent shivers up your spine. Your lips found hers again, and soon the room filled with soft moans and breathless panting. If only everyday could be this way.

[anonymoustalks]

The left has become absorbed by identity politics and is obsessed with race.. it scares me that they will create more racists than before they started

(6-17-20) You both like politics.

You: heyaa

Stranger: Hi

Stranger: How are you

You: anything you're interested in?

You: I am fine

Stranger: I'm interested in hearing opinions on things

You: oh, me too ^^

You: what kind of things?

Stranger: Politics is divisive, but in order to get a better understanding I wish to listen to both sides

You: awesome, I think that's great ^^

Stranger: :) thank you

You: do you have issues you care about most?

Stranger: The current fall of western society

You: fall of western society huh

You: can you elaborate more?

Stranger: Over the past few years we have seen western society devolve. Where once we were fairly united and we stood strong, we have become more divided and with the introduction of identity politics, that has just worsened till we have gotten to where we are now. China is currently pushing her borders, and yet with the US in flames and the uk following suit (along with France for that matter), noone challenges it

You: mhm *nodsnods*

Stranger: To speak out against the lunacy is to be called a racist and a bigot, not that that's anything new of course but those who are calling for these things seem to not really understand the importance and significance of their actions. I see this as akin to the 1920s Weimar Republic. They are pushing for things they don't want

You: you type a lot haha

Stranger: Sorry i am choosing my words carefully

You: mhm it's fine

You: so you think strong foreign policy is very important?

Stranger: I do. I am from South Africa, though I live in the uk. For those who live outside the us and Europe, we see the importance of Baro and the us on a geopolitical scale. China owns the east of Africa, if not central as well. The us has been the top dog preventing them and Russia from doing much for years, though that's going to change in the coming years

Stranger: NATO not baro* bloody autocorrect

You: oh okay I was wondering what that was haha

Stranger: If I may ask, where are you from?

You: the us actually

Stranger: I thought you might be given the time :) it's half 1 am here

You: yeah it's late!

You: so in your view, western countries need to have more of a spine?

You: is that basically what you're saying?

Stranger: Always. But history has a cycle.

Stranger: Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times

You: very fair

You: speaking of cycles, I think something that is floating around these days

You: is whether it's sort of like the beginning of the end of american hegemony

You: sort of like UK's empire gradually had its sunset

Stranger: This is what I am concerned with. All empires have their time in the sun, and all shall fade. I had hoped I would be dead before it happened. I made a prediction several years ago that should trump win in 2020 again, there will be civil war. I am unsure on my prediction of civil war, but I can see that he will win. Should there not be war, I give it another 2 presidencies before yourselves will fall, and ww3 breaks out

You: hmm the us is steamy right now, but idk about civil war

Stranger: It's been brewing for a while now by my estimation

You: that said I would not be surprised about China continuing to be more aggressive

You: that stuff with India yesterday?

You: ^^

Stranger: Without strong willed opposition, they will always push more overtly. They have done so in the shadows for years now

Stranger: And that's just one example

Stranger: They have intruded on Thailand air space as well

You: I don't think either democrats or republicans are very foreign-policy aggressive right now though

You: idk if your concern will be that much better with biden

You: clinton was a little hawkish but she lost 2016

Stranger: It would be much worse with Biden, or anyone from the left EXCEPT Tulsi Gabbard

You: oh you sounded like you didn't want trump to win lol

Stranger: I don't like him. But honestly, he's the best option out of what has been shown. Bernie is a socialist, Hillary is a warmonger, Biden will probably be a puppet. Who can stand? Hillary could be strong, but you would go to war. For all his faults, Trump has avoided war and conflict. He brought North Korea to the discussion table.

You: okay ^^

Stranger: I may not like him but he is effective, and has been a boon to you economy though as someone who works in finance, the next crash is due soon

You: fair enough although I think a lot of places are hurt by the coronavirus economy anyways

Stranger: Yeah.. the lockdowns are odd.. why quarantine those who are healthy? We have always quarantined those who were I'll first, and then those who go out and riot get a free pass? It's a bit confusing, and is a little bit of double think. Rules don't apply to you if you have the correct opinions it would seem

You: idk the US never really had forced quarantines

You: everything here was just you were supposed to do it

Stranger: The uk did, apologies

Stranger: Well not heavily enforced near me

You: we had college students going to beaches even though the quarantine was happening

You: because young ppl think they are invincible

You: and dumb ^^

Stranger: Hahaha yeah you aren't wrong in that

Stranger: But I have waffled on, may I hear your opinions on what we have discussed?

You: mhm, I disagree but it's cool yo~

Stranger: No that's great, it shows that we can discuss and hopefully come to compromise

Stranger: Thank you for being chill and relaxed

You: mhm I'm basically a hippie though so I don't usually take strong stances on international intervention

Stranger: That's fair and understandable. I used to agree with that as well for many years

You: I kind of think it's a little bit of a selfish position to take (the peace one)

You: in the sense that I don't want to deal with other people's problems

You: so in a sense it's kinda selfish

Stranger: It is and it isn't :)

Stranger: It's a moral good and a difficult thing. Peace only exists as reprieve from war. Humanity is a war like species, and peace only ever exists between them. And I applaud your pacifism

You: idk I'm not sure if it's always something to applaud

You: I think in a sense it's a kind of inaction

Stranger: A good thought experiment for you then, look at ww2

You: yup

You: I'm familiar with isolationism in history and its ramifications

Stranger: The us was neutral officially for years, and because they took no strong stance, the Nazis rose to power. Admittedly it was partly the fault of all the allies and ww1 but that's a digression.

Stranger: But war was thrust upon them officially by what happened. The peaceful stance can be taken from you, but that is not a bad thing in my opinion

You: yup

Stranger: What would you do if you could, at that time?

You: at that time?

You: hmm

You: it's not a question I've thought very much about

Stranger: I thought on that myself

You: and what did you conclude?

Stranger: My answer was intervention. Stop the Anschluss, the Munich agreement, the extremely harsh measures of the treaty at the end of ww1

You: oh yeah that was a terrible treaty

You: I kind of imagined myself as an average person though haha

Stranger: But I understand the reasoning at the time for allowing all those things to go through

Stranger: I am too

You: you would have protested your government signing that treaty?

Stranger: That's why thay generation was called the greatest generation. We the average man stood up and took up arms, because they believed what was right.

Stranger: It is difficult to say that if I lived in that time I would. Of it was today, 100%

You: mhm... war is frightening

Stranger: We cannot judge the past with the same moral standing we have today

You: of course

Stranger: And yes, war really is a horrible thing

Stranger: If peace was an option, I would go for it. Often times though, we have no control over that

You: mhm there is suffering in a lot of places, and violence that arises from suffering and hatred

Stranger: Look at the Nazis and the hatred of the Jews. That was extremely common all across Europe, the uk and the us. Many leaders in politics and business liked the Nazis initially. But just because something is common, does not make it right

You: I actually never understood antisemitism

Stranger: You are quite wise, and I agree with you. But the sad thing is, there will always be suffering

You: or why people hate(d) jewish people

Stranger: The scary thing is, many of those in BLM look up to a man called Farrakhan (forgive me on the spelling) who is a huge antisemite. Like he openly calls for violence against them. He gets away with it, because he is black. Why he hates them I don't know. They are hated I think, because they are the oldest abrahamic religion and the oldest monothesist one as well, from which both Islam and Christianity draw their teachings from initially

You: I just don't understand why they are hated

You: often by christians too

Stranger: Me neither, I find it abhorrent. They have been persecuted for thousands of years

You: yeah idk I just don't understand why

Stranger: I have yet to find out why. I know in Islam they hate them as it is dictated within their scriptures, though the exact wording I am unsure on. Christians I would think it's because they don't believe that Jesus was the son of God

You: I guess so

Stranger: But I may be entirely wrong

Stranger: Which I probably am

You: idk I don't know anything so I have no clue

Stranger: Hence why I like and want discussion :) we learn more through communication

Stranger: We become better the more we communicate

You: is there a reason why you dislike blm so much?

Stranger: I stand against identitarianism

You: so basically all those "pride" movements?

Stranger: I come from a racist country that segregated everyone and everything based on the colour of everyone's skin and I was hated for being the colour of my skin just for being born. I cannot condone movements that wish to implement the same things, as it will lead to suffering and hatred.

Stranger: I have nothing against being proud of your race, though I think the idea is a bit stupid. I have an issue with everything needing to divided up based on the colour of ones skin, I choose to judge someone on the basis of their character. I'm not perfect and there are times where I have been prejudiced but it is something I am consious of and wish to not do

You: mhm okay

You: I'm not sure if blm wants things to be divided up based on race though

You: I thought they were mostly against police brutality

Stranger: Some very much so are. Though I will concede that not all of them are, and I should tar everyone with the same brush. But as a counter to that, look at CHAZ in Seattle, they have segregated farms though calling them that is hilarious

You: I thought chaz is just a city block?

Stranger: On the police brutality, I agree with them and that reform must happen. Abolishing police is not a good idea. More funding is required, better training and better internal policies and structures to vette and review the officers is needed. Abolishing them will lead to anarchy. You are correct that Chaz is, but it is a microcosm showing the very things I stand against. I am against racism of all kinds, segregation is a form of racism. The us had a history where they did it too and agreed that it was wrong

You: mhm

You: I just wasn't familiar with blm as pro-segregation

You: that said, most blm activists are just really young

Stranger: They have been co-opted by those who are. And many activists are young white kids

You: I don't think mainstream democrats take them very seriously

Stranger: I'm not so certain. But I hope I am wrong

You: idk I mean these days who knows what kind media we each read

You: so I'm sure I'm in a bubble too

Stranger: They may see these things as a good and helpful idea, but the road to hell is often paved with good intentions

Stranger: Of course, and I hope I'm wrong. I recommend a variety of news sources, especially independent ones. A great one is a guy named Tim Pool on YouTube. He is a left leaning centrist guy who is upfront with his leanings. But he gives the news as it is

You: mhm I try to avoid youtube news

You: although idk if it's truly reliable to always go through bbc or ap or others

You: they are just mainstream

Stranger: BBC is very biased in my opinion. Tim used to work on mainstream media but he left. I would call him credible, he looks at news sources and verifies them. He's very milk toast and fence sits allot the problem with news is that all sides want to spin things the way they want it

You: mhm okay

You: is there any kind of mainstream media that you like?

Stranger: I don't trust any of them when it comes to almost anything except weather and sport scores. I will listen to what is said from various sources before coming to my own conclusions. I have lost all faith in the media since 2016

You: I see, I guess it ends up being hard to find something to trust

Stranger: Unfortunately it is. My reasons for it was both the elections in the us for 2016 and the brexit vote here in the uk. I was very similar to you then, very much so a hippie and very left leaning. I disagreed with Trump and Brexit, but I lost. But the way the media and society within the left handled themselves and the situation, that put me off completely and pushed me to become more conservative than what I was

You: interesting, although I'm not exactly following what made you more interested in conservative things

Stranger: The constant denigration of those who you disagree with. The treatment hat those people got, most of whom are the working class, upon the backs of which society is upheld. They are not racist or evil. They have a different opinion and different values. How does making a choice in a democracy make someone evil when neither side is perfect?

Stranger: The left preaches tolerance, except that it doesnt in reality

You: mhm yeah I don't like that

You: I don't think it is effective either

Stranger: All it does is polarize people

Stranger: And drive them further away from reaching g a compromise

You: right

Stranger: Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with Brexit, but as a democracy we made a decision. So now we need to exact that decision. I would have voted for trump despite my disdain for him

Stranger: Enact not exact*

You: I think there are a lot of people who think similarly as you do ^^

Stranger: There really are

Stranger: The left has become absorbed by identity politics and is obsessed with race.. it scares me that they will create more racists than before they started

Stranger: Constantly calling your opposition racist and evil will force them into being it

You: mhm I think there are some things to distinguish between social media left-wing people and people in everyday life I think

You: the vitriol is always much more amplified online than people are irl

Stranger: Oh agreed! Twitter is not real life, but it has started to bleed over

You: I live in a fairly liberal state, although I don't really think I have ever seen twitter irl

You: although I do think there is probably self-censorship occuring

You: in the sense that people are afraid of what their neighbors will think

Stranger: There is allot of that

Stranger: Anything you say will be used against you. Even if it's not that controversial

Stranger: People have lost their jobs for an opinion not done at work

You: that said, I don't think that's per say the "left's" fault though -- I just think that public opinion has shifted dramatically in the last 10 years

Stranger: Or how about the man who lost his job because his wife said something controversial

Stranger: I agree with you

Stranger: I really do

Stranger: Allot of this I do think could have been stopped years ago

You: I don't really like the lynch firing of people

You: that companies do for their public image

You: because the truth doesn't matter

You: it's just public image

Stranger: They do so because they are scared of the mob

You: but at the same time, I think public image is a thing because majority opinion really has shifted in the past two decades

You: opinions on homosexuality have swung dramatically in the US

You: ten years ago it was totally okay in public to be anti-homosexual

Stranger: Obama was against gay marriage until it was politically important for him to win the next election

You: but public opinion I think has swung really fast

You: yeah

You: I think he swapped at the first poll that showed >50% of americans supported it

Stranger: Yep! I find it hilarious that that was the case

You: yes but I think conservatives find this kind of fast change extremely uncomforting

You: I can understand that sentiment

You: also isn't it getting kinda late for you? ^^

Stranger: Conservatives are by their very nature are conservative. Change is neither malevolent nor benevolent, but we cannot look at change as universally good. Not can we disregard tradition

Stranger: It's 3 am and I can still keep going, I'm enjoying this conversation :)

You: I need to do the dishes eventually lol

Stranger: If you wish to leave you can by all means :) I won't hate you for it

You: I'm fine either way tbh

You: are you working right now? if you have work tomorrow you should prob go to bed

Stranger: It's up to you :) I can go for ages though my coherence Kay descend

Stranger: I'm sadly unemployed at the moment having lost my job earlier this year

You: coronavirus?

Stranger: Sadly yes

You: that's unfortunate, I'm sorry

Stranger: Not your fault :) so don't stress

You: so aside from Russia and China and the decline of western things, is there anything else that you stress about lol?

Stranger: The drive of censorship

Stranger: I have serious issue with censory

You: mhm

Stranger: And yourself?

You: mhm I dunno really

Stranger: That's good, though I would urge you to become concerned with censorship

You: mhm maybe

You: for me it's sort of a contextual concern I think

You: in the sense that it depends on your vantage point

Stranger: Opinions, art and books doesn't matter. Today it is their voice, tomorrow it is my voice. The day after it becomes your voice. Censorship takes away their rights to speak, and your rights to listen

You: mhm, what I mean is that my family immigrated from China

You: so my reference point of censorship is literal government censorship

You: in comparison the "political correctness" thing just doesn't seem as big to me imo

You: because 90% of it to me is sort of like a person's relationship with the neighbor basically

You: the US government doesn't censor what you can publish essentially

Stranger: That's fair enough, but this is where it starts. Things take time, and if anyone gives in (such as they have in several cases) that builds. In time that becomes the norm, there after what gets censored will not be at the choice of the people but of those who are in power

You: perhaps, although I kind of have faith in the 1st ammendment and the US supreme court

You: we barely have libel laws or defamation laws in the US because of the 1st ammendment

Stranger: I have seen calls to change and amend it. In the uk we have no freedom of speech, people have been arrested for jokes, what's been said on Twitter, etc. There are those who say that it's ok to censor this and that because e they are problematic or it would be good for everyone. But that is how it starts. The US has so much freedom

You: ahh... yeah I feel like it is different in the uk

Stranger: The uk doesn't care for free speech. It's very worrying and there are calls for even more censorship here.

You: mhm that sounds worrisome

Stranger: I guess I project it across to all western countries, and that is something we have seen recently

You: I don't think the US will lose the 1st amendment anytime soon, it's not politically realistiic

Stranger: Look at Amazon censoring books and movies being removed etc, this is how this begins. If it is allowed now, how can we stop it in the future

You: idk the status of free speech in other countries

You: actually this is a very interesting topic

Stranger: The us is one of the only countries that has it

You: do you think freedom of speech should be protected in private spaces?

Stranger: Codified in law that is

You: because technically freedom of speech for us is supposed to be only related to public government relationships

Stranger: I believe it should always be be protected

You: specifically "congress will make no law restricting freedom of speech" (paraphrased)

You: so you believe that private companies should not control what is said on their premises?

You: I mean it's fine if you believe that, it's actually just a bit further than what the current status quo is

Stranger: Yes. They are not above the law. Society may shun them, but they should not become involved. Outright calls for violence are against the law and that should be honoured, outside of that no they should not impose on pthers

You: hmm in the US this is where things get super complicated

You: because conservatives are also the ones who want content restricted/said in their religious schools too

Stranger: I've noticed.. and that has an effect on the rest of the world

You: basically "freedom of religion" and "freedom of speech" being on the same political side here makes things very weird

Stranger: And yeah I am aware of that as well, though the pendulum seems to have swung to the other side now. And it will swing back to the other side again

You: kind of like "My store should have the freedom of religion to deny my patrons of being homosexual in my store" kinda thing

Stranger: Yeah it is hard but there is more to the opposite side than just the one thing

You: it's a weird convoluted thing when both are conservative issues

Stranger: That's a difficult one, but I would say that should be discussed and debated but the highest courts. I cannot say from a legal sense one way or the other, morally I can say that it's hard to decide. I think that everyone should get a choice but I am uncertain

Stranger: By not but*

You: mhm that's fine ^^

You: I just think it's very interesting because most laws here, they govern the relationship between between the government and the people

You: so our freedom of speech laws do not apply to amazon censoring books because they are a private company

Stranger: Which is the difficult thing

Stranger: They are protected by being a private company

Stranger: As it's not just them

You: maybe ^^ we have a free market though, so things that cannot be published on amazon will find an outlet elsewhere

You: provided there is a demand for it

You: that said, it also has some gray area with morality laws

Stranger: That is true but monopoloes make things harder to find

You: kind of like youtube banning pornographic content

Stranger: Yeah I can understand that morally, legally I don't know but I would assume that there is some laws regarding that

You: I mean I'm just used to many various sites having bans of various sorts

Stranger: The uk has some

Stranger: Yeah, but there are protections for them being platforms not publishers

You: I don't think there is any law forcing youtube to ban pornographic content; it's just a branding choice by the company

Stranger: If they are publishers, those protections don't apply

You: like I think they want to be seen as family-friendly

Stranger: Fair enough, would have thought there might be

You: porn sites are not illegal in the US lol

Stranger: Not family friendly, advertisement friendly

You: lol true

Stranger: Sorry I don't know enough to be able to say :) I'm happy to admit that

You: mhm aside from political correctness, I guess I just don't personally see a big problem with censorship in the US

You: although I think I have a different belief than you that I think it's okay for private companies to choose what they want to publish

You: even if the ban content

You: these companies still need to compete

Stranger: Them doing so is fine, but if they wish to be protected as platforms they cannot act as a publisher. I think that's the Crux of their protections

Stranger: It is something that has been going for a while though

Stranger: And I think Trump will have it in his campaign for reelection this year

You: okay ^^

Stranger: But I don't know, he has been interested in censorship and has said he is against it in the past

You: I think people mean different things by censorship

You: but that's just imo

You: there are almost no western countries that experience censorship by their governments

You: so people mean things like censorship at their workplace

You: although imo that's kind of less censorship and more on the political correctness spectrum

Stranger: True. That is very true. But if you don't stop censorship openly, then should it come from government you don't already know you can stand against it

You: but to me, that "political correctness" isn't anything new either; it's as old as time

You: like did we always worry about saying something that would offend our boss?

You: ^^

You: it's always been there

You: I just think people are uncomfortable because bosses have changed in the last few decades

Stranger: It's not just their work place. The new "town square" is has become online. Your freedoms online are not protected despite it being codified in law

Stranger: And you aren't wrong, and coming from China or at least your family, you bring an interesting perspective

You: I feel like in the US we have very little digital legislation

You: the US of is head of hear

You: *there

Stranger: The world needs a digital bill of rights, to protect us all and our data. But we won't get it

You: but I don't think we have anything guaranteeing that speech on the Internet is free by any regard

Stranger: I would argue we do

You: hm? which law?

You: I like most websites have ToS's and rules banning X Y or Z on their site

Stranger: Freedom of speech and expression

You: oh I mean in terms of law

Stranger: That is what I meant, so that we are free to speak and express ourselves. I also believe that our data should be private and cannot be sold and that should be protected. There are other things that I have heard but it's difficult to remember all those that were proposed

You: ahh

You: yeah we don't have those laws right now

Stranger: Today stuff is okay but you are not protected

You: although the EU has some privacy ones that we don't have in the US

Stranger: The EU doesn't care mostly

Stranger: Some laws only protect some information, I'm talking about all of our information

You: ^^

Stranger: Everything we post and do is tracked, monitored and sold

Stranger: We revel in it, "I was talking about cats/dogs and all of a sudden I got adds for cat/dog products"

Stranger: We hear that often

You: yup

Stranger: Also, with regards to our rights and things, who holds these companies accountable?

Stranger: Take google for example

Stranger: They have been caught tampering with the elections

You: well, again, we have basically no laws about this in the US so there is no accountability

Stranger: They openly censor news and opinions

Stranger: They are a monopoly

You: although some europrean countries have lawsuits whatever with them

You: yup they totally are

You: where are anti-trust laws lol?

Stranger: That's what I think Trump will be looking at, I would if I was in his shoes

Stranger: But they were given special protections

Stranger: Those need to be taken away, the large companies need to be broken up but governments are incompetent

Stranger: I don't trust them to do it well

You: mhm it actually reminds me of south korea actually

Stranger: I mean there are a few senators in the states that I think have the moral fortitude to do so, but I don't know

You: countries are loathe to break up companies that they're proud of basically

Stranger: Yep

You: like samsung in south korea lol?

Stranger: They wouldn't break them up

Stranger: It would do serious damage to the economy and blah blah blah

You: their revenue was like 20% of the entire country's gdp

Stranger: Yep it's a difficult argument

Stranger: And I can understand why you wouldnt

Stranger: That 20% could drop to below 1%

You: anyhow it is getting kind of late

You: it was nice talking to you

You: and you should sleep ^^

Stranger: Likewise! :) I needed to move my sleep schedule for a 24 hour race on the weekend anyway, sp thank you for occuping my time and mind :)

You: goodnight!

Stranger: I'm glad to have met another willing to talk, take care my good friend

You have disconnected.

[baekhyuniebacon-blog]

Lost Prince - Part 2

Baekhyun (Prince Wang Eun x reader)

<previous  next>

Summary: Crown prince Wang Eun loses his memory. You, the village’s physician, save him and help him to get better. You name him Baekhyun as he doesn’t remember his name. You and Baekhyun start to gain feelings towards each other, but neither is admitting it. Will he get his memory back and what happens when the prince’s enemies find out that he’s not dead?

Genre: Comedy | Action | Fluff | Angst

Words: 2,4k

Requested: by @mymisstina

I do not own any photos or gifs used in this. Credits to the owners

Masterlist

”What do you mean you can’t find him? It has been a week already and you need to find my son!” the queen shouted at the guards in a deafening volume. “You call yourselves the palace’s best guards, but you can’t find one boy?” she continued, making the men lower their heads even more.

She had gathered all the possible guards to the palace’s yard, trying to get something out of them. A week had passed since Prince Wang Eun disappeared and no one knew where he was. Her mother was worried, his fiancée was coming to the palace in three days. Wang Eun had to be found.

“We are sorry, your majesty. My men are doing their best, but he cannot be found from the village” a black bearded guard, who was in charge of the search, spoke, not daring to look at her in the eyes. She let out a laugh, not believing his words. “Oh…did your tiny mind cross the idea that he might be kidnapped? Go further, search the woods, other villages. Everything! No one rests until the crown prince is back”

The anger in her voice could be hear over the mountains, but there was a mixture of fear and sadness too. There was no king by her side, so she had to do everything. Wang Eun could take her place in the throne soon with his wife.

The men nodded and walked away to prepare themselves for another search. The queen stood there, in the end of the huge stairs as her two other sons walked to her. “We’ll go look for him too” Wang Jung said, making an eye contact with her mother. “No, I don’t want anything to happen to you too” she answered sternly.

“Mother, we know the forests well and we want to find our brother” Baek Ah joined to the conversation, standing next to Jung. The wind brushed over their faces, making the atmosphere stiff and cold. Wang Eun wasn’t just a crown prince, he was also a son and a brother. “And we know his fiancée, Mi Sun is coming, and he must be here then” Jung added.

Their mother sighed, weighing the options to be able to decide what she should do. She knew that no matter what, the brothers would go anyway. “Alright” she said haltingly, not sure if she made the right decision. “But don't do anything stupid and always stay together. If you find something, let me know” she said more gently, the boys were all she had, and she knew the boys were as worried as she.

The two nodded at the same time and went down the few stairs, already planning where they should start. He wouldn’t have gone that far, at least that’s what they thought. In reality, Wang Eun was in another village far, far away from the palace and doesn’t remember where he is from.

-

“Stay still, it’s not ready yet” Na eun said to Baekhyun, moving the brush that had been dipped in paint, on his face. She had gotten a great idea to paint him to look like a panda. Yesterday she had been mad at him for being lazy and not playing with her, now she made him to play. You had said to her that he was still recovering, but Na eun didn’t care. She was concentrating as her tongue peeked out slightly.

Baekhyun glared at her, he had been in a bad mood the entire day as he had been thinking about his memory loss. He also had no idea what he looked like right now and didn’t know what to expect.

“All done!” she squeaked excitedly, placing the paint down and shoving a mirror in front of him. He eyed himself from it “This looks like a panda to you?” he asked shifting his gaze to her. She punched his arm “It does” she said through clenched teeth and then ran away to get you.

“What is so important that you need to push me like this??” you complained as she pushed your butt to move forwards. You had just been braiding your hair, before she started to push you, and it was now only half done. She pushed you to her room where she finally let go of you. You were met with Baekhyun, standing in the middle of room, not knowing what to do.

The sight of his face having black circles around his eyes and nose made you laugh so hard you fell on your butt. “What’s that supposed to be?” you managed to say between laughs. “Yah, don’t laugh! Can’t you see I’m a panda?” Baekhyun argued, though he didn’t like it either.

“Yeah, he’s my pet panda!” Na eun giggled, wrapping herself around Baekhyun’s legs. Since the day Baekhyun came she had become his number one fan and wanted to be with him all the time. On the first night when she heard that Baekhyun would sleep in your room, she got angry.

Your stomach started to hurt, and you tried to breath. “Yeah, yeah, right. A panda, huh?” you spoke, wiping the tears of joy from your eyes and standing up. “You do know that it’s going to be hard to wash that off? It’s meant for paper, not to someone’s face” you said, wiping the dust from your dress.

Baekhyun’s eyes got wider and he looked at you, then at Na eun who slowly unwrapped her arms from his legs. She knew Baekhyun would be pissed for not telling it. He squinted his eyes and leaned a little closer to Na eun. For a moment, they both stayed quiet just staring each other in the eyes.

Amused, you watched at the scene. Na eun let out a nervous chuckle. “Oops?” she said with a big smile, trying to show him her cute baby teeth. Baekhyun smiled back irritatingly “Oops?” he said sarcastically through clenched teeth and tilted his head a little. Na eun started to run, Baekhyun following her. “You little-“ he managed to say until they disappeared outside. You shook your head smiling and followed them.

He must have grown with siblings – you thought while leaning to the door frame and finishing your braid. They ran around the yard, making the sand fly as their feet hit the ground and slid when they made a turn. Na eun just giggled and was having the time of her life while Baekhyun threw frustrated “yah!” and breathless “this kid” here and there.

“What are they doing?” you father spoke behind you before stepping next to you to witness the ridiculous event. To him, their little fight wasn’t funny. “Na eun drew to Baekhyun’s face but didn’t tell it was the paint that’s used to write”. Your voice had a nuance of amuse but you tried to be serious.

He sighed and walked closer to the running kids, hands crossed behind him. He took a hold of both of their ears which made them stop and yelp in pain. “Ow ow ow ow” they wailed. It was hard for him to keep them both still because of the height difference so he let go. “Enough” he said sternly. Smiling, you wondered if Baekhyun had forgotten that he’s an adult, not a kid.

Your father eyed them as they stood before him until speaking determinedly. “Na eun, you’re coming to the village with me to buy vegetables”. “But-“ Na eun was about to argue, she hated going to the village if there wasn’t a puppet show, which she really loved to watch. “No buts, it is your punishment. Y/N you’ll go to the river, I’m making fish today and take Baekhyun with you” he turned to you while giving orders and you nodded. “Yes, father”.

Baekhyun didn’t speak on the way to the river but you were too busy to look at the flowers on the way and carrying the things you needed. A hand net, bucket, rope and a piece of soap for Baekhyun to try to clean his face.

At the river, you tied the rope around your waist. The other end would be tied around a tree to prevent you from accidentally being taken by the stream.

Baekhyun sat on the same big rock where Na eun had been sitting a week ago when you found him after cleaning his face. The paint left pretty well actually. He looked at his reflection from the water, a few bruises still on his face. Wonder of wonders, he was in a really good shape though the bruises reminded of something else. He studied his face, feeling empty for not recognizing the person looking back at him from the water.

“I wonder who I really am, if I have a family or home, if there’s someone looking for me. What if I’ll never remember them and they will never know what happened to me?” Baekhyun murmured against his knee and kept staring at the water.

Your heart sunk at how broken he sounded, how hurt he was because he couldn’t remember his loved ones. For the last days he had been fine, your father started to teach him how to fix wounds and he had been excited about it until today. You couldn’t blame him for it, it wasn’t his fault that he lost his memory.

Sighing gently, you started to tie the rope around a huge tree that stood slightly behind the big rock. “Baekhyun…you were rescued only a week ago, it’ll take some time for your memory to come back and it will” you took a pause to walk to the rock and lean on it, hands under your chin as you looked at Baekhyun.

“And then you’ll see your family again, just give yourself time to heal and try to still enjoy things. The more positive you are, the faster you get better”. Tilting your head and smiling, you tried to get him look at you, but he didn’t seem to notice.

He was deep in thought with mixed emotions. Just yesterday he was still feeling fine but now he wasn’t feeling that delightful. A lump was forming into his throat and talked past it. “Is this the place where you found me from?”

“You pointed to the rock, “That last rock over there, you were laying on it”. Baekhyun glanced at it but his eyes shifted back to the water. It was weird for him to look at himself, yet it didn’t look like himself to him. It was a stranger who he didn’t know.

You wanted to make him feel better but didn’t really know how to, so you let him be. Taking the hand net and making sure the rope was tight enough, you made your way to the water. It was a windy day, so the water felt even more colder and it made you shiver. Once the water was at your belly you stopped and stood still to wait the fish come closer, keeping the net slightly over the water and looking around the water. Soon you caught one and turned to see show it to Baekhyun.

“Look!” you shouted, lifting the net for him to see it well. He showed thumbs up but didn’t really smile. You let your hands fall on to the water and went back to the land.

“Do you want to try?” you asked, placing the fish inside the bucket. “We need another one to feed all four of us”. He finally turned to you but kept his cold face on, staring at the hand net.

“Come on, it’s fun!” you tried to make him excited, at least a little bit. His gaze sifted from the net to your pleading eyes. He didn’t want to go into the water, the fact that he had almost drowned in there made him slightly scared. But at the same time, he didn’t want to make you sad, you had been nice to him since you met. “Fine” he said and climbed down the rock carefully to not fall or rip his hanbok.

You tied a rope around Baekhyun’s waist and offered him the hand net which he took to his hand.  “Let’s go” you said and started to walk towards the water but turned around quickly when you realized that he wasn’t following you. He stared at the water, legs glued to the ground. “What’s wrong?” you asked.

“The water” He gulped. “It feels scary and makes me feel weird” he continued and looked at you. There was genuine fear in his voice and eyes and you smiled comfortingly and walked back to him. “I understand that after the incident it makes you feel like it but there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be next to you all the time, okay?” you offered your hand for him to grab it.

It took him a few gulps of encouragement but eventually, he placed his hand on yours and you pulled him with you in to the river, slowly. He turned his head rapidly like someone could attack him from anywhere. “Calm down” you said quietly.

As you stopped you told Baekhyun to try to catch a little fish for practice. First, he did it really carefully, still holding onto your hand. Fortunately, he started enjoying it and kept hitting the water though he didn’t get any fish to the net.

He tried multiply times and splashed the water with the net. Not a single fish ending up in his net, deserving a groan from him. “Concentrate more” you said, trying to calm his nerves. “But you did it so easily!” he whined pouting, not caring about his fear of water anymore.

You stood next to him and leaned closer to him to whisper into his ear. “Look” you said when you saw a big fish getting closer, pointing at it so Baekhyun could see it too. He lifted the net, waiting for it to come closer, is tongue peeking out in concentration.

“On three. One…two…three!”. In a second, he swung the net underwater and then bringing it back up. There was the big fish, twitching in the net. Baekhyun laughed in joy and jumped up and down in the water. You clapped at him, happy to see him in a better mood, acting like a kid again.

“I got it!” he exclaimed and pushed the fish closer to your face, making you smile more. “I told you it’s fun!”

While you two were celebrating Baekhyun’s success, jumping around the water. Without you knowing there was a hooded man, standing in the other side of the river. Hiding behind the trees to watch you two closely. First, he couldn’t believe who was standing there but it made him smirk “We meet again, Wang Eun” he spoke with the most mysterious voice and disappeared deep into the woods.

Thank you for reading💕

[nemesis-nexus]

Full Pink Supermoon 2020

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY, HEAR US! It never ceases to amaze me how much we take life and everything in it for granted. What is happening to the world now really should not come as any surprise considering that you can only kick a dog so many times before it jumps up and bites you! In this case the dog is Mother Nature and the bite is in the form of a very serious illness that has forced the human population into the very same form of isolation they have been forcing several other species such as the coyote, bear and wolf into in the sense that the humans are no longer able to go wherever and do whatever they want to because there is a predator on the loose that they can’t see that is threatening their existence! Somehow I don’t think they like the idea of being herded and corralled too much, but what is the likeliness that they’ll transfer this disruption to their lives and attribute it to how they treat the animal kingdom or the ecosystem in general?

I find it interesting that with the resurgence of Paganism and Heathenism that this catastrophic event is occurring now! I mean one (of several) things that we Pagans/Heathens are known for is respecting and coexisting with nature. I’m not saying that we are alone in this HOWEVER this is something we HAVE in fact been SLAUGHTERED for and accused of evil practices and what have you when ALL we were doing was acknowledging the Spirits that exist in all living things including the Earth, Air, Water and Fire and utilizing their properties as Nature intended, in medicines, hunting and religious/spiritual rituals and work! Never taking more than what was needed and ALWAYS replacing what was picked and using every last part of what was taken from the hunt! These are the things that were seriously discouraged against under the severely misguided assumption that everything here is ONLY here for the human race to use, abuse, deplete and destroy yet they can’t fathom how we got to where we are and of course there’s always the scapegoat, the excuse, the one that everyone hangs their hat on so as to avoid having to take responsibility for their actions because of course it’s never their fault!

Unfortunately for them they are going to have to own up to their responsibilities in the latest disaster that is plaguing and I do mean that quite literally plaguing this planet because I believe it's man-made in fact I know it's man-made there is ample proof of this being man-made but that's neither here nor there, the fact of the matter is we need to retrace every step that we have taken that led up to what's currently happening and the fact of the matter is what's going on is born out of indifference, greed, distrust, selfishness and arrogance! What makes me say this? Think about it, why would you mess with a biologic that you know is destructive on such a grand scale that you need to wear hazmat suits yourselves to handle it in a laboratory? What is the point or purpose of having such a biologic in the first place if not to unleash it on the masses to do the irreparable harm that it has done? What other possible motive could you have to engineer something like that and the response really is that there is no other reason why you would create something like this except to do the damage that has done! I am hoping that I am wrong and that this whole fiasco was a terrible mistake but you will have to excuse me if I, with everything else the human race has done, am having a VERY hard time believing this was an accident!

We can sit here and we can spit nails, we can light it up, we can do whatever but the reality is we are where we are right now and regardless of who's responsible and yes those who are directly responsible DO need to be brought to justice and be held accountable for what they allowed to happen! In the meantime we need to put our egos in our pockets and leave them at the door, we need to step back and say look we can't change what happened 6 months ago but we can work on what's happening now so that it's not still happening 6 months from now and if the one of the best ways to staunch the spread of the virus is to socially isolate ourselves then that's what we're going to have to do, it may be frustrating, but it won’t last forever!

For those of you who are Spiritual you know that even if you are away from the rest of the world that we are NOT alone we will always have our ancestors by our side, we will always have our Gods at the helm, we will always have our higher spiritual selves guiding us because at the end of the day that's really all we have - obviously besides the Earth and all the physical things - I'm talking about metaphysical and in these kinds of situations people need to rely on their faith, it is what will get us through even the hardest times. Our Ancestors are proof positive of this fact, it was their beliefs that saw them through some of the most arduous times of human history!

During this time of quarantine it is absolutely imperative that people remember that there are places without walls that do still exist and you can travel to them even while isolated. Again if one is Spiritual you know the physical is not the only realm we operate in and therefore not the only plane we exist on, some people are highly proficient at this and other who are just starting out not so much but Astral Projection is very useful, not just in times like these but during times of personal and Spiritual introspection and just to take Spiritual journey without leaving where you are physically. For those who are not familiar, Astral Projection is the art of being physically in on spot, for example sitting in your bedroom while allowing your Spirit or Soul to transcend your physical being and the physical world and go flying around the Astral Plane.

In other words the metaphysical version of our selves and the realm that exists all around us enables us to take a trip to the woods, take a walk on the beach, do whatever we need to do to get out of our own heads without ever leaving the house! Now like I said those who are not as experienced with using this particular practice may find it a little difficult at first, don’t be discouraged! We all start somewhere and the easiest way to start this is through your basic meditations; deep breathing exercises and an environment conducive to calmness and clarity. Once you setup your workspace, mind you this can be done in Darkness OR Light, it depends on what the individual is more comfortable with, I personally prefer the Darkness but that's just me.

Once you are all set up, sit there and try to relax, again if you're not used to this it might take a few attempts to relax, it may not happen right away but practice makes perfect so just keep at it and you will get it in your own time! Once you are ready close your eyes, breathe deep in through the nose, out through the mouth. Do this for maybe five minutes or however long it takes you to get relaxed and then in your mind envision where it is you want to go, you can just walk around or you can pick a very specific location, for example I love the Ocean! In my Heart I'm always on the beach anytime I get overly stressed or if I'm feeling particularly feisty or melancholy I’m down on the shoreline because the Water is a catalyst, it's also very representative of my Spiritual being in that you may know what I'm dealing with anytime depending on what the Water is doing; for example if the Water is crashing against the Seawall and flying over across the street, chances are I'm a little ticked off or going through a rough time and feeling a wee bit…Energetic… not necessarily in a good way but not necessarily in a bad way; if the Water is calm then I am feeling more contemplative and most likely lost in thought.

I love being on the beach during a Full Moon, gazing at the Moon Trail leading out to the Moon Pool is very alluring, I can't tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about following that trail right up to the pool, obvious problem is the pool is kind of sort of in the middle of the ocean and yeah undertow and riptides are a thing that oftentimes are quite dangerous. This is an example of the Balance that exists everywhere in Nature and why we need to keep alert ESPECIALLY when wandering around the Astral Plane. My point is that by allowing your Spirit to wander by allowing your Heart and your Mind to take flight you're not only alleviating the stress and the strain that you're under, you're also seeing the world through completely different eyes! You are seeing the world the way it was meant to be seen, through the Spiritual and maybe just maybe you'll see it is not necessarily a cage to be trapped, but a MULTIFACETED playground of sorts that adjoins all energy on every level of the Multiverse!

If you're from an inner-city and you're not able to get to a Forest or to the Ocean, it's very difficult it can be very Spiritually draining, but at the same time you have an environment that other people don't deal with and it is important that you stay in tune with it so that when you meet other people from around the world you can explain (not that you owe anyone an explanation) why you're not as able to relax as easily as they are being from a place that may be less volatile. One of the most consistent things that I get told when I talk to people about meditation is that they have a very hard time turning it off, meaning the voices in their head - no I'm not (necessarily) talking about schizophrenia, but generally loud and persistent thoughts. You know when you're going through a very stressful time and replaying the situation or situations depending on what's going on over and over and over again it can be very hard to turn it off.

A great example of this is where a person is located; when you live in a city, especially one that's prone to violence and I don't mean like every other day somebody might get pushed, I'm talking about everyday somebody's getting shot or stabbed or some other horrific thing, chances are you're not likely to be able to relax right away, it depends on the person but you're not as likely to be able to meditate easily because obviously you're concerned about your own safety and that of your family. Unfortunately even here in Boston there have been people who were sitting in their own living rooms minding their own business who have gotten shot and that's inconceivable , I can't even use the word unfortunate it's actually very distressing that you can't even sit in your own home alone and not have to worry about whether or not a bullet is going to come flying through the wall at you! I remember a story a few years ago that there was a three-year-old up on I think it was a third-floor balcony and she ended up getting shot in the spine, it rendered her a paraplegic, however, this Wee Ones Spirit was and is such that she is STILL pushing onward!

It's this kind of craziness that the human race has allowed itself to devolve to that is undermining our ability to move forward as a whole! Our slick, fast-paced, instant gratification culture dictates that we need it RIGHT NOW or all interest is lost in it, there is no patience or tenacity anymore. What is worse is not only do people want instant gratification about everything but they don't care about what happens after they're gone! Now I've touched base on this before and while I can't remember who actually said it, this person states that “the entire purpose of life is to create something that will outlast us” I agree with this wholeheartedly and right now what's going on is a perfect opportunity to do just that because right now we need to remember that we are NOT the only ones living on the Earth, we are NOT the only ones who rely on the ecosystem to live! EVERYTHING here relies on the ecosystem to thrive and everything here needs everything else to exist! We are all connected in the Web of Existence and Life, no one part anywhere can exist on its own, it doesn't matter if you're a bear or squirrel or badger or water lily or deer or whatever it doesn't matter if you are 4 million year old fossil in the in the North Sea somewhere!

It doesn't matter because EVERYTHING is connected and if any one part of that Web falls out of place or collapses or in any way shape or form becomes compromised, everything else suffers and you know how I can prove it? LOOK AT THE WORLD AS IT IS AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW cuz everything that is happening right now is a perfect example of exactly what I'm talking about our environment has been severely compromised on all levels and who's responsible for it??? I’ll give you a hint; it isn't the coyote who lost his habitat because developers decided he wasn't important enough to allow him to have a home, it wasn't the bear in the same situation who was just minding his own damn business eating a fish and just some self important human decided to shoot it, not because it was doing anything, but because it was THERE! It wasn't the cheetah on the savanna and it sure as hell wasn't the polar bear who is currently STARVING TO DEATH because of human greed! It wasn't any of them, they weren’t harming any human, only engaging in what Nature ingrained into them to do, what they have been doing forever without any issues among them! So who's to blame? Yes exactly, the humans who decided that they were above the Natural Order!

The humans are to blame for the wanton destruction and extinction of multiple species both animal and botanical. Now again we can sit here and we can pipsquawk about it, we can raise the roof on it, but that alone is not going to change anything. What needs to happen is we need actions to accompany our words, so addressing the issues is a good start but formulating ideas as to how to go about improving the situation also needs to happen or we are no better off than we were before! I believe this is happening at the very time that Paganism and Heathenism are resurging - mind you I'm not saying resurfacing because that indicates that it went away and disappeared, oh no oh no no no no no, we've been here the whole time watching and waiting, we never went anywhere - just because we were underground doesn't mean that we disappeared no matter how much some people would like to think!

I believe that this is a giant wake up call to everybody and it does not surprise me in the least at all that this is occurring at the time that Paganism and Heathen is resurging as we are the ones who always had a deep respect for Nature and again it's not just us, other cultures all over the world existed and coexisted within the parameters of the Natural World I mean you could call them Heathens as we since the word really only means anybody who doesn't believe in the Abrahamic doctrines which is pretty much anyone. My point is that those who have always respected Nature, those who have always existed within the parameters, those who have always coexisted with the Natural World, that we are making that resurgence and every day I see more and more people wanting to cast off the shackles of Abraham because they are fed up with the hypocrisy, greed, hate and oppression, they are looking to come HOME where they are welcomed as they are and not shamed or beaten into submission over someone else’s self serving agenda!

A few years ago couple years ago in North Dakota when the #NODAPL protests were occurring people from ALL OVER THE WORLD descended upon the Standing Rock Reservation to stand in solidarity with the Sioux. These are people who have NEVER met, had no personal agenda except protecting the Water and Earth, yet they came from EVERYWHERE to let it be known where they stand! There is a Hopi prophecy that says and I'm paraphrasing cuz I can't remember exactly how it is worded but it says that “When the world is in jeopardy and everything is really really bad, that the people will come together from everywhere, united as one and they will be called the Rainbow Warriors” and that is exactly what I'm talking about right now because the Indigenous peoples are very very in tune with Nature and they too could also be considered Heathens, in fact they were called SAVAGES, because they didn't do things the way that the pilgrims did them and like us refused to convert and as a result were slaughtered by the hundreds of thousands!

I agree with the Rainbow Tribe prophecy and again it does not surprise me especially after what's been happening since 2016 (and that's very recent yet most certainly not the only example) that the resurgence of Paganism and Heathenism among other Nature based Paths is occurring at the very same time that this is because again I think it's a wake-up call! I think people need to pay attention and realize that we cannot continue to abuse Mother Earth, we cannot continue to abuse the Waters, we cannot continue to abuse the Air or the Fire or the Spirit and NOT expect at some point for it all to turn around and bite us right in the ass! That's exactly what it's going to do and that's what it's doing right now and our only option (in my opinion) is we need to take a step back and realize what is important and what's important is not money it is NOT material wealth nor is it about acquiring all the toys before you die; what's important is LIFE across the board!

If we do not take care of what is happening now anybody who has kids, anybody who has or wants grandkids or has nieces and/or nephews should be aware that it’s YOUR CHILDREN who are going to suffer - and I'm not even going to say from your mistakes as that indicates something occurring accidentally - they're going to suffer from your DELIBERATE AND CALCULATED misdeeds and for those of you who don't have kids who have this “well I'm not going to be here x amount of years from now so I really don't care” you know what? That's the SAME attitude that people who came before you had and look where YOU are! Is that the reason why you feel the way you do? You're so bitter over what they’ve done to you and the things that might have been taken away from you and just destroyed before you had a chance to enjoy them that you don't care if anyone else ends up in that situation?

If so you really need to reevaluate your priorities and get a handle on your ego, realize that you have the power to make the change for somebody else that should have been made for you a long time ago and if you're actively deciding to NOT do that then you are directly contributing to the problem which means you're directly contributing to all those people - NOT just the human people - who are suffering and in many cases are dying not just from covid-19, not just from influenza or the poison pills that Big Pharma churns out regularly to combat a laundry list of imaginary afflictions, not just from pollution, but from lack of give a damn! There are so many out there who need a little help and it doesn't take a whole lot to lend someone a helping hand, you don’t even have to tell them it was you who did it if you are more inclined to do so anonymously.

For example there are commercials that are run on TV for Shriners Hospital that have the kids who are being assisted expressing their gratitude that people care enough to enable them to be kids! While these kids are all amazing and accomplishing great things, it is the ones that are donating to the hospital that are enabling these kids to have a normal life and that's what I'm talking about, a little give a damn goes a long way! When we come together any little thing that we do will help in creating a bigger and better picture for all concerned! We can overcome any problem but we really have to stop thinking about ourselves and lose this me me me me I want I want I want attitude because it’s not helping anyone including ourselves!

We can't live in a self-righteous vacuum like that anymore, we cannot put the ecosystem on the backburner anymore because we are engineering our own destruction when we continue to do this and the evidence is all around us! If we keep traveling down this road we will end up in a sense committing mass suicide and the human race will NOT be the only one to be erased as a result of our arrogance! Our irresponsibility has gotten us to the point where we no longer have the option to put off acknowledging just how much trouble the world is in, we no longer have the luxury to put it aside and not pay attention to it because the ecosystem is just a ‘thing’, it is a thing all right, it is the LIVING and DYING thing that is going to do whatever it needs to do to ensure its own survival with or WITHOUT us!

When you have entire countries going on lockdown forbidding people to travel, in or out, that is a sign of the times and it's not a good one! My Danish friend told me that Denmark is completely locked down and will be so until at least August canceling any and all summertime activities which obviously the people, the kids especially, are not happy about but at the same time I'm sure they would rather live to see next year’s festivities than tempt fate this year and not be around to enjoy next year, so even though it is going to be very difficult I am sure that next year’s events will be that much more rambunctious as a result! It is going to be an extremely trying time but so long as we stand together, so long as we have each other's backs, so long as we take care and give a damn about our neighbors, we WILL get through this, but it's not just about getting through this, it's about what we're going to do AFTER we get through this, how are we going to handle ourselves AFTER we get through this, how are we going to view the world AFTER we get through this, how are we going to treat the environment AFTER we get through this, how are we going to look at our financial situation AFTER we get through this? Why do I bring up finances? Because again one of the MAIN factors that got us to where we are is the never-ending pursuit of the almighty dollar by any means necessary, no matter who it hurts or what kind of devastation it leaves in its wake!

We all know that money is an illusion, it’s really just a form of invisible slavery keeping people on the hook of a faceless entity! It is invisible meaning that you don't actually see your money when it's in the bank but because you have an account you also have a collar around your neck and this is what the world tells you is your personal worth! This is one of several reasons why I believe the human race has lost its way, because the human race has has equated material possessions and money as being a paramount to EVERYTHING else including Life across the board! Many people have this attitude that if you have enough money then you can do whatever you want to, you can burn down the rainforest, you can cut down the woods and develop on the land then kill any animal that has the nerve to be taking a walk through what used to be its home, you can dump all your toxic waste into the rivers and the watershed, you can allow toxins from various industries to pollute the air causing acid rain, you can kill all the animals you want and just toss out the carcass, you can slaughter those wolves and kill that 10-point buck just to have a head for your wall! Hell you can even rape and kill other humans and get away with it so long as you write a big enough check to whoever’s reelection!

If you have the money you're special and you can get away with anything - well we're seeing the result of that right now and the result is you are NOT special, you will NOT get away with anything, you are NOT exempt from anything that you have done and will do! You WILL be held accountable for it all, if not by the human population, then by the Divine, by the Nature Spirits who are always watching over everything! We need to remember who we are we are –we are Water Protectors, we are Earth Guardians, we are here to maintain the Natural Order, we are here to take care of the planet for all current and future generations of Life across the board! Mother Nature really doesn't need for us to do a whole lot of anything as far as taking care of things is concerned; she has been taking care of business for TRILLIONS of millennia and will continue to do so long after we are gone!

What she needs for us to do is STOP taking for granted that things will always be there when we need them as they won’t be if we continue to use up and deplete our natural resources, she needs us to STOP destroying everything because we think we are above it all, what she needs for us to do is make sure that everything is running smoothly so that everything here can stay here! I mean yes we are also here to work the land and to take care of it ourselves and everything else but what we're not here to do is take advantage or to be abusive, to treat everything as though it is beneath us because nothing is beneath us, if anything we are at the mercy of Nature and how well we care for the ecosystem directly determines how well it will take care of us! Remember -the Earth does NOT need us, we need the Earth! We all exist together, we are not above or below anything else, we all exist in the same Circle!

Now with everything that's happening this is the time to take that step back, to take stock of your Life to see what it is that you've been doing up to this point, what it is that you could be doing at this point, what it is you will do tomorrow to help not only yourself but your fellow man as well as the environment! While this is a sermon I am not trying to be overly preachy or anything like that because I know everybody is stressed out, everybody is nearing the ends of their tethers. There's a lot of malaise running rampant and unfortunately this isn't the only thing that's going on for some people. There have been deaths in the family for some people, there have been losses of jobs and income which is obviously not helping the stress levels go down and there are other things that are happening in addition to this virus and the social isolation it made necessary. So yes it is a very trying time but we are a very resilient people, we are a very strong and tough species, we know that we are because if we weren't we wouldn't have survived all these years all these millennia given everything our Ancestors had to work through!

However, sometimes that kind of strength and that kind of stubbornness allows your ego to become a little inflamed and you end up doing what the human race has been doing that brought us to where we are today. While we can't do anything about the past, what we can do is learn from it so that it doesn’t happen again! This is why history is very VERY important as those who forget history as well as those who never knew history and refuse to learn about it, are the enablers! They are the ones that will enable the tragedies and hardships of the past to reoccur! Ignorance is not bliss and we no longer have the luxury of claiming that we didn’t and don’t know just how bad off we are, but again we DO have the power to change course to bring everything back. We can still come back Full Circle and resume showing our Mother Nature the respect and appreciation she damn well deserves because she is the one that provides all of us with everything regardless of what Path we walk, she only cares that WE care!

Without our Mother Nature to provide everything from the Air we breathe, to the Fire that warms us, the Earth we are comprised of, the Water that is Life (MNI WICONI), without her we are NOTHING, we do NOT exist and now is the time to step up and remember this, it's not too late! Yes things are bad, things are VERY bad but it is not too late to change ourselves and in turn change our circumstances! We can, instead of just stewing at home, take this time to contemplate; I mean really, REALLY take into consideration what we want out of Life and how we're going to go about achieving it! Not only that what can we do to improve the situation generally speaking, not just for our neighbors, but for the Earth!

We can clean up the mess we made and even though chances are we're not going to clean up the entire mess in our lifetime, we no longer have any excuses left as to why we can’t at least get the boulder rolling! This is the reason why we utilize what time we do have to create something that will in fact outlast us because if we start now then we can pass on these new values that are directly connected to the Old Ways and eventually one of the future generations will bring it back Full Circle and hopefully at that time a fully replenished Earth and Natural coexistence will once again reign supreme and every species from the Human Race to the Animal Kingdom to the Flora and the Fauna will continue to uphold each other just like we used to before the fevered egos took over!

I still have hope that this is possible and I know I'm not alone on this so we all need to remember that no matter how alone we might feel right now that we are one even though we are many and we stand strongest when we stand together no matter where we are no matter what's going on when it comes to matters of the Heart and Mind distance does not exist, we are all connected through the Spirit!

Those of you who are familiar with my writing know that I like to end my sermons with a personal poem/prayer/song whatever you’d like to call it or with a song that exemplifies everything written in the sermon. This time I am including Heilung’s “Galgadr” because it speaks directly to everything I talked about and being that the song is about Ragnarock, makes it the perfect song for not only this sermon, but to explain WHY the colossal upheaval that is currently underway is absolutely necessary!

This excerpt started life as a stream of thought but since it falls in direct correlation to the sermon, I decided to include it in its entirety!

We WILL get through this so long as we work together and do what we need to do to create a stopping point where this virus finds itself at the end of its own road with nowhere left to go!

Keep the faith! So long as we keep our minds on the present and our focus on the future, there are brighter days ahead! Look no further for proof of this than how much healing the ecosystem has undergone in the couple of months that the virus has forced the humans to be quarantined in their own homes!

It may seem like a harsh observation, HOWEVER, had the human race's consistent assault on the ecosystem not been what it was (and still is) for all this time then perhaps the extreme response from Nature wouldn't have been warranted!

It is time we got past our own fevered egos and came together as the Sisters and Brothers that we're supposed to be, to work towards a mutual resolution that benefits not only the human race but continues to further the healing of our Great Mother Earth!

While we know it is human nature to be social, we also know it's human nature to be competitive. That being said this is not the Hunger Games or Game of Thrones or any other Hollywood inspired garbage, this is REAL LIFE with consequences you take to the grave!

So don't be stupid and don't be arrogant, don't think that because you're asymptomatic that you're not infected and/or can't infect other people! If your local government tells you to stay at home for a period of time then do so!

Remember this is not just about you but about everybody you know! I'm not usually one to obey anything any government says but when it comes to something like this precautions are necessary!

We know that there will be resistors regardless of how much information is put out there so instead of enabling them, let us take care of ourselves and our beloved ones!

"Brothers shall fight

and fell each other,

And sisters' sons

shall kinship stain;

Hard is it on earth,

with mighty whoredom;

Axe-time, sword-time,

shields are sundered,

Wind-time, wolf-time,

ere the world falls;

Nor ever shall men

each other spare.

axe-time,

sword-time,

wind-time,

wolf-time.

I incant against the spirit;

against the walking (spirit),

against the riding one,

against the running one,

against the sitting one,

against the signing one,

against the travelling one,

against the flying one,

It shall completely wither and die.

Now do I see

the earth anew

Rise all green

from the waves again;

The cataracts fall,

and the eagle flies,

And fish he catches

beneath the cliffs.

-Heilung ("Galgaldr")

The point of quoting this song is because it is the perfect description of what is happening right now. It's perfect because what it's describing is in fact the end of the world which is not what people think it is; it is not creation ceasing to exist. What it really is is the destruction of everything that no longer works so that the creation can go on existing and thrive once again!

We know that death is not just a physical thing we have discussed this before, it is Spiritual and Metaphysical as well! We've also discussed that there is no creation without destruction, no life without death! These two things while they may seem like polar opposites are actually what keeps everything in Balance!

The only way for the new world to arise as for the previous world to die off. It may sound harsh but unfortunately in order for the Phenex to rise from the fire it has to burn itself to death first! What emerges from this seeming act of self-destruction is in all reality a more vital and vibrant world!

We are going through such a transition right now and as scary as it is at times, we will get through if we work together AND we will come out stronger and better for it!

ZI ANA KANPA!

(HAIL THE PRIEST OF THE SKY!)

ZI KIA KANPA!

(HAIL THE PRIEST OF THE EARTH!)

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

(THE WARRIORS WHO WILL RISE UP TO FIGHT THE FINAL BATTLE!)

NEVER Back Up! NEVER Back Down!

NEVER Give Up! NEVER Give In!

HAIL CERRENOUS!

HAIL MORGANA !

HAIL DIANA!

HAIL LUGH!

AVÉ IGGIGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACHE!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

RESPECT TO TYR!

RESPECT TO ODINN!

RESPECT TO FRIGGA!

RESPECT TO NJÖRD!

RESPECT TO RAN!

RESPECT TO AEGIR!

RESPECT TO THE NINE SISTERS!

RESPECT TO ALL AQUATIC SPIRITS!

RESPECT TO FREYA!

RESPECT TO FREYR!

RESPECT TO ÞOR!

RESPECT TO BALDUR!

RESPECT TO EIR!

RESPECT TO HEL!

We are ONE even though we are MANY and we stand STRONGEST when we stand TOGETHER!

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

🐍🌎🌬🛶💖🌿🦌🐺🐲💧🔥🐉

HPS Meg “Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: I know you're here Nancy: So wherever you're hiding, Ollie, Ollie Oxen Free Nancy: You can come out Rio: Okay Rio: Do I need to wave my white flag first? Nancy: Depends if you wanna see my brother or me Rio: I want to see you Rio: If you will Nancy: Sure? I think he'll need you after that convo, if he ever does Rio: Right Rio: Purpose of me not being there was so it could be just between you two but Rio: are you both okay? Nancy: I don't know how you want me to answer that Rio: Just honestly Nancy: I have no idea how Buster is Nancy: I don't know him very well these days Rio: I know Rio: Don't worry about him, how are you? Nancy: Do you actually care or are you just trying to feel better? Rio: Of course I care, Nance Rio: I wouldn't be here if I didn't Nancy: You'd be here for him Rio: Yes but we're here to tell you Rio: Because it matters what you think, to me and him Nancy: That may be true of you, but he's never cared what I think Nancy: That matters Nancy: You not knowing better what he's like Rio: I know he's done things, lots of things, that would make you think that Rio: and righly so Rio: but he does care Nancy: Maybe. But not enough not to do this Rio: We didn't mean for this to happen Nancy: He never means for anything to happen. That's the problem Nancy: He's hurt you and leave you and ruin everything, don't you know that? Rio: He could Rio: but if that happens, it happens and I'll deal with it, it doesn't need to change anything else Nancy: He will. And I'll be in the middle again Nancy: That's what he does Rio: That's not totally fair Rio: Chloe wasn't totally his fault, a lot of it was her Nancy: He still could've said no instead of thinking with his dick as per Nancy: And what about Erin. Look how long that lasted Rio: I know, and he knows too Rio: He regrets that for a lot of reasons now but he can't take it back Rio: He was trying to do the right thing with Erin, what he thought everyone wanted Rio: doesn't make it right but again, it wasn't just what it seems Nancy: She didn't deserve that. She was nice. Nancy: And you definitely don't deserve what he's gonna do to you Rio: True Rio: I trust him, and I don't want to not be with him on the chance that it'll end badly Nancy: Okay Nancy: He says you love each other. Do you? Rio: Yes Nancy: That's new for him Rio: That's what he told me too, yeah Nancy: Maybe I should be telling you not to hurt him Rio: You can Rio: I promise I'm not going to Nancy: How can you promise that? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I just don't understand Rio: No, its totally fair Rio: I know I've not got a spotless history, neither has he Rio: but no one can promise that and know without a doubt they won't Rio: but I love him, I only want what's best for him, to make him happy Nancy: Okay Nancy: I get that. Love, I mean Rio: Yeah Rio: You know this hasn't just come out of nowhere, right? Rio: Its been nearly 2 years, and we stopped ourselves from going there a long time before that Nancy: I know you're not me, pulling feelings out of thin air Nancy: He explained as best I'd let him Rio: I didn't mean it like that Nancy: It's fine, that's all over and done with Nancy: And nothing to do with this Rio: Okay Rio: I know its Rio: well Rio: unbelievable but Rio: it is the truth and it is happening Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Unbelievable things can happen, I know Nancy: I held onto it for a long time myself Nancy: And if he's willing to say out loud to me that he loves you it must be serious Rio: Yes, I think it is, know it is Rio: We truly wouldn't be putting this out there if we didn't need to Rio: and not just to save our own skin, I don't mean Rio: if it was just a fling, there would be no need Nancy: I understand Nancy: When it's serious, keeping it a secret, that hurts Nancy: I can't blame you for wanting to be honest, it'd make me a hypocrite Nancy: Chloe turned on me for being gay but I couldn't lie just to stay friends with her Nancy: Even if she'd been as good of a mate as I thought she was once Nancy: What happens next? He tells mum and dad and you tell yours but what then? Rio: That's how I was feeling, exactly Rio: it isn't the same thing, not saying it is Rio: but it was making me...sad and bad and just insane, keeping it in Rio: I think we're both better off for her attempts at bitchery, yeah? Rio: Hopefully, everyone is okay with it and we can be together properly Rio: That's all that's changing Nancy: It's essentially the same. People are gonna be judgmental as hell to you for it too Nancy: And nobody wants you to feel sad for something you can't help or change Nancy: Because it's like you told me when you were there for me about Sian, we don't get to decide who we love Nancy: But don't get me wrong, I'm not doing cartwheels that you acted on your feelings when you didn't have to, just like I didn't Nancy: That was a decision Rio: I'm just glad you get it Rio: I'm not expecting any more than that, honest Rio: Its harder to not act, when you know the other person feels it too Rio: Still a choice nonetheless Rio: One I can't regret, I'm afraid Nancy: I don't know, but I'll take your word for it Nancy: I know Buster when he wants something Rio: You don't hate us forever, then? Nancy: Nothing's ever that easy, just like nothing comes out of nowhere Nancy: I'm tried so often to hate him and I still don't Nancy: But if Jay gets hurt over this, we will have a problem, yeah? Rio: Could you tell him that? Not now, if you don't want Rio: and not even in so many words Rio: but I don't think he knows Rio: Trust me, I'll be the first to come for me if I let that happen Nancy: He's a straight man of course he doesn't have a clue. So oblivious Rio: Mhmm, its a fulltime occupation caring for 'em Nancy: I don't want to imagine Nancy: If you were going to fall for one of us, you could've made better decisions like Nancy: I'm a catch Rio: Duh, s'why I've gotta let an actual cute gay girl net you Rio: I like dick and the men attached to 'em, for my sins Nancy: Gross Rio: 😂 Nancy: Does that mean you don't wanna stay here with me for a while? Rio: I wish I could Rio: I don't think we can trust Chlo to let us enjoy some peace and quiet, though Nancy: Or trust yourselves to keep it PG so I don't throw up in my mouth Rio: I mean Rio: You brought it up Nancy: Disgusting Nancy: Do you want me to tell Billie? Nancy: Or June? Rio: Are you okay with that? Rio: Because if yes, then it'd be a help Rio: My plan is to tell my 'rents and let them tell all the sibs, let them know they can come to me if they want/need Nancy: Are you okay if I don't keep my heterophobia to a minimum? Nancy: Because I can't always control that Rio: Do what you must Rio: Lay it on thick with June, he doesn't need the deets there either Nancy: I will Nancy: He'll be shielded Nancy: Sweet boy Rio: Truly Rio: Do you think they'll all be okay? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: But they still need to know Nancy: If you're coming out there's no point keeping one foot in the closet Rio: I know you're right Rio: I don't want to fuck up things with them but Rio: I just have to hope they'll be okay with it, because I'd not turf them out over this if it was the over way 'round Nancy: And they'll know that Nancy: They love you and it's mutual Nancy: They may not throw you a party like we all want when we come out but they won't ever go too hard the other way Rio: It's okay Rio: Been partying hard enough for everyone Nancy: It's a relief though, isn't it? That someone finaly knows Nancy: And you can talk about it Rio: Absolutely Rio: and don't get me wrong, it'd be nice for people to be happy but I know I can't ask for that Rio: so I'm not gonna expect it Nancy: I'm happy for you Nancy: That you're happy, anyway Nancy: Maybe I wish it wasn't with my brother but I still want that for you Rio: Thanks, Nance Rio: Back at cha Rio: not that I think you and Junie are an item, I'm not that obliviously straight, don't worry Nancy: He is my love but Nancy: I'm so mad I didn't realise what was going on with you two Nancy: How dare Chloe figure something out before me Rio: You're such a stereotypical gay Rio: Wanting that tea before anyone else Rio: She's obsessed with your Brother, she probably knows when he shits, like Nancy: Before her, thank you Nancy: If I was a stereotypical gay I'd be trying to get you and Indie together Rio: Oh hell no Rio: that'd be so wrong Nancy: How is that wronger? Nancy: You love Buster Rio: I know how it sounds Rio: but she's a child! Nancy: I'll give you that Nancy: I'm not letting Jay date until she's like 35 Nancy: She might have taste which turns out the same as her mum's and yours Rio: Very Freudian Rio: Saying nothing *sips tea* Nancy: I'm saying no fuckboys allowed Nancy: That's all Nancy: Or girls Rio: We can but hope, babe Nancy: Whatever we have to do. It's a team effort now. You're in this Rio: I don't want to be too dramatic or presumptious Rio: but even as a pseudo auntie/whatever the hell I am Rio: I really care about Jay Rio: I'm going to look after her Nancy: She makes that happen Nancy: I tried really hard not to care about her before she was here but as soon as she was Nancy: I'll be dramatic and say I'll do anything for that girl Rio: Yeah, same as Buster really Rio: You can't not Rio: well, I don't see how Rio: People manage it Nancy: Don't tell him I'm still on his side Nancy: He's got a big enough head Rio: Secret's safe with me Rio: you know he just talks a big game though, yeah? Nancy: I do fucking hate him a lot of the time too, that's no secret Nancy: Don't we all Nancy: I could say I'm busy in answer to how I am and you're leave it there because it's true enough but it's not everything Rio: Do you wanna say more? Nancy: Now's not really the time Nancy: That'd be such a stereotypical gay move, make it all about me Rio: Trust, don't mind Rio: Not just 'cause anything to take the heat off, like Nancy: Just making my peace with dying alone, as standard, when even my prick of a brother won't Nancy: Casual angst Rio: I thought the NYC gay scene was poppin'? Nancy: It is Nancy: I'm not Rio: Babe Rio: Want to go hit the town before I have to go? Rio: I'm the best wingman Nancy: It'd take more than you Nancy: Oblivious hetero, remember? Rio: What would it take? Rio: You're a catch, remember? Nancy: But it's not about what I look like Nancy: I'm also an oblivious gay Nancy: I can't read signals. Or trust myself. Rio: Fear of straight girls Rio: Hit up the specific apps and put yourself out there Rio: Let them come to you first Rio: Then you can't make that mistake Nancy: Mhm I could Nancy: It's about me not them Nancy: Just because they want something doesn't mean it's the same as what I want Nancy: And anyway, all I want at the moment is to not get my heartbroken again Nancy: There's an easy solution there Rio: I feel you Rio: Some things not as easy to find as others Nancy: And when you want conflicting things, like not being lonely but also not getting hurt, it's just Nancy: Stupid Rio: You aren't alone on that one Rio: and I'd certainly be lying if I said I had any useful advice Nancy: How did you do it? Nancy: Put yourself out there with Buster of all people Rio: It didn't start like this, obviously Rio: Sometimes you put yourself out for less than you're after, or think you want Rio: and you still end up where you wanna be Rio: not saying that was my plan here but do you get me? sometimes you just have to see where shit takes you Rio: I know its hard to allow that when you've been burnt before Nancy: Sometimes that's so dangerous Nancy: Especially when you're an idiot like me Rio: Preaching to the choir, babe Rio: think, what's the worst that could happen? Rio: its probably happened, yeah? Rio: and like, arguably, this situation with me and Buster is really bad but Rio: doesn't feel it to us, so Nancy: I just don't think I can do it Nancy: It hurt so much losing someone who didn't love me back Nancy: If someone did and I messed it up Nancy: I think I'd die Rio: Yeah, its scary Rio: you know the old adage exists for a reason though Nancy: Does it? Rio: Definitely Rio: What's life without love? Rio: Not just romantic though, of course Nancy: True. Always got that fuckboy brother of mine Nancy: Like it or not Nancy: Teach him some respect would you please, lord knows I've tried Rio: And the rest of us Rio: I'll do my best Nancy: Jay's already helped, because he's that stereotypical straight man Nancy: And he's getting another daughter soon so Rio: He'll get there Rio: He's not as bad as he puts on Nancy: For your sake he better not be Rio: Come on Rio: I might be in love but I still have self-respect Nancy: Just checking, honey Nancy: Making sure you're still in there Rio: Please Rio: No man's changing me Nancy: Glad to hear it Nancy: Unless it's for the better, my mum vouches for that so often I wouldn't be surprised if that's why I'm gay Rio: 😂 Rio: Such a natural-born rebel, babe Nancy: Who can compete with a love that real? Best not to attempt Nancy: Or to look at it another way, I win, because I'll be the greatest without ever letting a man touch me. Sorry mum. No offence like Rio: That's the spirit Rio: Sure she'll be proud Nancy: We can only hope Rio: You don't think she is? Nancy: Maybe when I finish uni. I haven't done anything 'epic' yet Nancy: Haven't had two children though, so by degrees. Sorry Buster. No offence either Rio: Less black marks, for sure Nancy: We've both made it this far, she'll be happy with that Nancy: People have dropped out over less than what Buster's had to handle thanks to Chloe Nancy: So much drama Rio: Yeah, I'd bet on it Rio: She's no fool Rio: Some of us never even start, like 😜 Rio: Chlo must be fuelled by it, no other need to love it so very much Nancy: She is Nancy: I've never known anyone better at twisting things than that girl can Nancy: Hence I gave up punishing him fairly quick. She's better at it than I'd ever be Rio: Can't disagree Rio: She's got a knack for it Rio: and a lot of time on her hands to dish it out Rio: Bless her Nancy: How much did she see? Nancy: I don't want gross details I'm just trying to figure how she'll spin it Nancy: If she decides to Rio: Nothing like that, you're precious gay sensibilities are safe Rio: I don't know, obviously she was early and unannounced so we weren't on guard Rio: I clearly looked too comfortable for her liking? Nancy: God forbid you weren't hanging from the ceiling like the villain she thinks you are Nancy: And she'd be the type to bring your clothes into it, not being happy unless you were wearing a turtle neck or something Nancy: As if that can't still be sexy, excuse her Rio: Nail on the head, babe Rio: Your teacher fetish is showing shh Rio: but yeah, I'm basically a whore of Babylon here and she is taking the moral highground as a 'Mother' to act like that's why she's angry about it Nancy: Stop. I have to avoid the library and claim it's down to the dyslexia Nancy: Yeah Buster said she called you a prostitute Rio: Its chill, I've got hundreds Rio: and you're legal now, way more of a sexy grey area Rio: Not the first time I've heard that one Rio: Never from anyone I give a shit about though so, meh Nancy: Buster was so angry Nancy: Far from meh Nancy: I haven't seen him like that for a while Nancy: He must care Rio: I told you he's not that bad Nancy: Time will tell Nancy: The baby's due soon. How do you feel about that? Rio: I Rio: I don't know, to be honest Rio: Excited for him, glad Erin won't be as much of a nightmare about sharing as Chlo Rio: but I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me a tiny bit insecure, because she isn't as obviously not right for him, you know? Rio: He's done his best to make me not feel that but its still there, shh Nancy: I don't think she wants him back but it won't be easy having her on the doorstep Nancy: And newborns are harder work than one year olds so they really are gonna need each other Rio: She doesn't Rio: Yeah, I know Rio: I'll have to deal, like Nancy: She doesn't have the same family support as Chloe from what I've seen Nancy: I think there's just her mum Nancy: I don't know where she lives but it's not here, just Erin's uni is Nancy: I feel bad for her Rio: Yeah Rio: She hasn't done anything wrong, of course Rio: and I'm not going to begrudge her the help Rio: not that bitch Nancy: Get me saying here like I'm still a Dubliner Nancy: You're good, too good for him, but I can't stop you loving the prick Rio: Can't deny that heritage, ginge 🍀💛 Rio: Nah Rio: on both counts 🤷 Nancy: I really can't, everywhere I go in this city they go on about my accent Nancy: Well, I surrender. Just be happy, alright? Rio: Oh, Yanks Rio: How many of them have told you about their roots like you give a fuck? 🙄 Nancy: Honestly Rio: On it, you too, yeah? Nancy: I'll do my best Nancy: I can't help loving you, but it's platonic at least. No need to add to your drama Rio: The love triangle no one asked for Rio: I love you too, lots and lots Rio: Thanks for being you and decent about this Nancy: That or, Me, the librarian and the cat Nancy: Has a more lesbian phrase ever left my mouth? Nancy: Thanks for being you and not letting Buster turn you into a prick Rio: Never change Rio: and I won't either Nancy: Great Nancy: We can definitely go from there Rio: ✌💋 Rio: Lemme know when you fancy hitting up dem gay bars and I'll be back to party Nancy: I'm not bringing you, you'll turn every head Nancy: Especially if you borrow my clothes again Rio: N'awwh! Rio: I'll wear my own whorey attire, don't worry Nancy: That's not better Nancy: They'll all want you or think you're the stripper Rio: I can work with that 😏 Nancy: Face it you aren't coming and stealing my thunder if and when I decide I wanna bring it Rio: FINE Rio: Just tell me all about it yeah? And grace the 'gram with your beauty Nancy: The second part at least Rio: Boo! 😜 Nancy: Don't pretend you want all the ins and outs of whoever takes my virginity Rio: I am extremely nosy Rio: and caring, tah 😎 Nancy: And inappropriate but who am I to judge like Rio: Potayto potahto Nancy: That was beautiful Nancy: It made me homesick Rio: Not long 'til Christmas, babe Rio: or my Bday but not angling, like Nancy: I'll bring the finest of what NYC has to offer Nancy: When I decide what that is Rio: Who Rio: 😉 Nancy: 🙄 Nancy: Speaking of, go find Buster, sure I made him cry like Nancy: Standard Rio: On it Rio: Anything you wanna say to dry those tears, or cause more, not taking sides here Nancy: So neutral I felt it Nancy: You can tell him to expect a text when he gets home safe Nancy: You too Rio: That's me Rio: Cool Rio: Well, better free up my texting fingers for this drama Rio: Catch up soon? Nancy: Yeah Rio: 💞