#(in case you can't tell i love them)
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them
their hair and their smile and their freckles and their laugh and their hugs and their hands holding mine and their excitement and their snail facts and their dances and their happiness and their reassuring words and their smiles and their joy and their love and just them.
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there are many things about hazel's povs that have an intensely de-racialized vibe to them (read: divorced from the black girl experience) but I think any black person will tell you that the most obvious sign is the complete lack of attention paid to her hair
like firstly:
she's from the 1930s her hair was definitely getting permed and straightened (it was not acceptable to just wear your natural hair out back then. optics + cultural assimilation/you'll be hard pressed to find photos of black american girls with unstraightened hair in that time period unless they're from like..... harlem)
I do believe that marie was straightening it for her For A Time but then she became more neglectful and stopped so hazel had to do it herself. I'm almost positive that hazel wouldn't have even been permitted to set foot in her school building without straightening it because that's just how much of an expectation it was
ok she comes back from the dead. what's she doing to her hair now bc it's not just gonna be cutesy effortless curls falling over her shoulder no matter what the length is
how does she feel about living in a time period where natural black hair is more accepted (read: more, absolutely not fully)
there are no black people around her At All. in fact she's around a lot of white people on the argo (+nico) so that would probably be giving her some intense feelings of double consciousness (look this term up if you don't know what it means) and that would inform how she feels about her hair
theoretically she ought to be wearing her hair in braids for simplicity's sake but I think it's more likely that she would cling to what she knows (perming/straightening) because it's not easy for a 14 year old girl (PSA hazel is 14.5 in hoo not 13 btw 👍) to go from assimilating to deeply-ingrained white hair beauty standards to just proudly wearing a distinctly black hairstyle all by herself
mind you black women and girls can do whatever they want with their hair and straightening/perming it does not always/have to come from a place of self-hatred or whatever but in this particular case back then straightening one's hair was political And a survival tactic. it was as normal as brushing your teeth. it was enforced through dominant cultural messagings about the Absolute Necessity of conforming to white conventions of beauty. if you don't understand then think of it similarly to how you'd think of 1930s women needing to be perpetually dolled up and modestly dressed in order to be considered "good women" and anyways I'm just saying that this would be a lot to unpack for a 14 year old girl so hazel's probably just continuing to do this impractical thing (straightening her hair all the time) like 60% out of habit and 20% out of shame and 20% she doesn't know what else to do
something something about a missed potential character arc regarding all of this and in general there's so little mind paid to race in hazel's povs which is just ridiculous to me because a black girl from the jim crow era should have at least a few feelings about where she fits into modern society even if that society is camp jupiter. rick demonstrates his capacity to talk about how his characters feel about their race most notably in the kane chronicles so I don't think was too much to ask for. see this quote from an early son of neptune chapter:
^ like....... hazel's feelings of out-of-place-ness are There in the text and important to take note of when understanding her character (note that she's been there for like a year already and she still feels like she doesn't belong) but the emphasis is always put on her Being from a different time or Being undead and is never put on her out-of-place-ness regarding her race as a black girl from segregation times who is literally so out-of-place in this weird post-racial camp jupiter society. it feels like such an obvious thing to consider so its glaring absence really bugs me when I reread her povs and it bugs me when her hair is never talked about by extension because It Matters
you might be thinking "well she had a lot going on and she's not a superficial person maybe she just didn't care what was going on with her hair" and my response is simply that Black girls don't get to "not care" about their hair it is not the same thing as a white person going to school with bedhead it's not the same thing At All (if you aren't black then chances are you've never actually seen what untouched black hair looks like in the morning), especially when it's been beaten into your head for your entire life that your hair is ugly and you have to "do something to it" for it to be acceptable (and again...... she's from the 1930s so that feeling is magnified like 50x over). remember that perpetually dolled up modest 1930s woman I mentioned previously. picture her time traveling to camp jupiter of all places in 2010 and struggling to drop all of her makeup/hairstyling routines and internalized misogyny and conceptualizations of what women are "supposed" to be. this is the kind of fascinating character exploration that we really missed out on with hazel (and tbh regardless of her race she was never believably written as someone from the 1930s. I don't think rick even really tried to be honest)
you might also be wondering "how was rick supposed to know/attempt to portray any of that" and then my second answer is that If you're going to write a character who is not the same race as you then you should do some research and we have the internet now so research has never been easier 👍 this would be especially important to do if that person is a poc from the jim crow era I think! (he could have at least googled black hair 1930s)
anyways what I choose to believe (this is pure fanfiction) is that during hazel's first year at camp jupiter (remember that she was there for about a year before son started) nico would have helped her figure something out after observing her distress over her hair c: like they both secretly watched youtube videos on black hairstyles circa 2010 and then they got attacked by monsters for using a laptop (neither of them know how to use a laptop but he's trying his best for her) but then after killing them he helped her do her hair as something she likes that is easy to maintain <3 (I could also see reyna doing this because she surely knows a thing or two from her spa days)
#the descriptions of her hair are very few and when they do occur they're pretty nonsensical/I can tell how reserved rick is being#unfortunately there's a lot of room for plausible deniability because demigod phenotypes don't need to make sense#she has natural cinnamon toast hair and gold eyes so it's just like (throws up my hands) Whatever#but is plausible deniability more interesting! I don't think so!!!!#whatever#one of my favorite things to think about is hazel potentially seeing other black people at camp jupiter#and having really confusing feelings about that because her death is 100% a secret she can't tell them where she comes from#like can you imagine#I love hazel to the end of the world but unfortunately I think she's the most thoughtlessly written main character of pjo#you can't give your character THAT crazy of a backstory and then fall so flat on exploring it man#but I see her potential so she is very gorjus to me#hazel levesque#nico di angelo#pjo hoo toa#underworld siblings#percy jackson and the olympians#the son of neptune#rr crit#<- tagging that just in case but also I am being pretty critical of rick here so I guess it's justified#heroes of olympus
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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i love hugging my friends i love linking arms with my friends i love resting my head on my friends' shoulders i love cuddling with my friends i love holding hands with my friends i love platonic physical contact so much and i love that it doesnt imply romantic feelings and we can just do that stuff
#it's literally so nice#bit touch starved in case you can't tell lmao#ALSO I used to be scared that they'd think I have a crush on them but idc anymore and I love doing this shit#anyhoo#yelenaposts#random post
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I just finished the DnD stream and now I can't get over Lucas being the only one who remembers. I desperately need another part where he tries to get the gang back together because he cannot stand the loneliness. I need him to try to restore their memories because he misses his found family, and I need him to get that drink with Ashen because if there's anyone he'd open up to about his broken heart it's him.
I just - I need a happy ending where they don't go their separate ways; where everyone eventually remembers what happened and Lucas won't be alone with the memories of a friendship that never was. And if Lucas and Ashen got together in the end and ended up adopting a little girl at some point, that'd be lovely too.
#I've been a patron for two days and fallen completely in love with the dnd characters#and I'm having a lot of lucas feels in case you can't tell#i kind of want to write that happy ending for them#this is me being one step away from plunging headfirst into another niche fandom#sfth#shootimpro#shoot from the hip#sfth dnd#lucas flamingo#ashen van purplebeure#falmouth#daemys
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This popped in my head when reading pages 100-101 of Oathbringer and will not leave. ace Kaladin real. This might be the first time I've actually drawn Syl and Kaladin? It will not be the last. Fun fact, it's harder to draw wordart than I originally thought it would.
alternative:
#the word “hot” was originally supposed to have flames around it but I scrapped that idea because it kept impending with the word “women”#ace kaladin real#syl's a lot less bright than I originally intended but having her as the same color as the word art seemed too bright?#this will not be the first time I draw either of them. there will be more art.#she's holding a microphone in case you can't tell#yes there is a glove on her left hand.#I love this series. just finished part 1 of oathbringer and I am very very excited#kaladin stormblessed#sylphrena#the stormlight archive#oathbringer
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HELP– wait, is Lordy wearing Bob's tank top in this scene???
WAS THE QUEERCODING WAS ACTUALLY FOR A REASON?
(by Queercoding, I'm referring to Lordy's overload of gender, more "femme" presentation on stage, etc. *it might not be queercoding... but I just immediately got 'not purely straight' vibes from him :'D I don't know how else to define that.*)
It's just?? Ghgjggghm??? Boyfriends???
* not to mention, since Glam and Ches share a room, that means Bob and Lordy are sharing the other room. As the band "split two rooms amongst the four of them." because of 'budget' <- the reason their manager gave. but that means they were sharing a room. And like?? They probably CHOSE those room situations. *
( Like... I personally shipped them before my brain processed this, and now it's just like: YESSSSSSS )
Honestly, have you NOT seen the way they look at each other??? *especially Lordy to Bob.*
(There's like... a tiny frame where Lordy looks to and smiles to Bob after the whole "I don't have anything against love songs" thing, not to mention these other instances):
Lots, and lots, and LOTS of eye contact or generally showing attention to where Bob is.
And usually accompanied by smiles or smirks.
(Not to mention they always seem to group up with each other.):
*obviously this is because Ches and Glam are usually together. But even in general, Lordy doesn't seem to like to be too far away from him. At least not for long periods of time.*
And also, Bob *sort of* checking on Lordy when he falls:
He only looks away when he sees Lordy get up:
Also, them navigating together (and both being annoyed by Ches):
Either way, even if they're not canonically dating, I love them. They will forever have boyfriend/husband energy to me.
I love them so much. I hope we see more of them eventually.
It's just, like–
My boys?? 🥹
(I love feeling like I'm projecting queerness. /j :'[ I just need to see them kiss. It would make me so much happier.)
(edit: GAHHH WAIT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THEIR YOUNGER SELVES. THEY LITERALLY CONSTANTLY LOOK FOR THE OTHER'S GUIDANCE AND OPINION [i'm tired. please just put up with it at this point. i'll touch back on this later and fix it. i'm writing the beginning of thsi edit before I pass out.] *edit: i don't even know where i was going with this... i just like them. i'm not gonna try to understand what i was thinking about at like... 1 am when i started making that edit.* )
#metal family#lordy metal family#bob metal family#my feral obsession with metal family#the husbands???#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#(in case you can't tell i love them)#shipping headcanons
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I loved the new IDW Sonic issue! Too bad I know without looking that people are going to be stupid and awful about Lanolin 🫠
#i can already hear it now#''she was a bitch to jet she was acting like the fun police to him''#''she was a bitch to sonic (& tails & amy) by telling them to get off the road before they got run over by oncoming traffic''#was she mean in that second case? yeah her delivery was harsh. but was she also correct? yes#pedestrians shouldn't be on the road & vehicle racetracks count as roads#and the middle of a race isn't the time for a race ref to see if you're OK. just bc Tangle doesn't take her job seriously literally ever#doesn't mean that Lanolin doesn't. doesn't mean Lanolin was wrong in telling Team Sonic to get tf off the racetrack#when they were rendered pedestrians#but we know this fandom can't be normal abt women & esp not Lanolin so. i'm not even going to look at the tag#i know you all can't be trusted. smdh#''we want more nuanced female characters'' y'all can't even handle a sleep deprived sheep for fucksake#ETA: okay Tangle does take her job seriously SOMETIMES. on rare occasions#she was serious in the latter half of Tangle & Whisper as well as Metal Virus and latter half of Urban Warfare#but v often she doesn't take things seriously. here she def wasn't with being all OMG HI GUYS!!!!!!!!! mid race#i love her but girl come on. focus.
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sometimes i am reminded of strange comments i receive on my art and i am still baffled.
[ID: Tags reading "your alice looks like shes adicted to heroin and I love that" end ID]
like. no, people who are addicted to drugs shouldn't feel shame over their appearances, ofc. but also Why Would You Say This To Me.
#ramblings with major#tmagp#drugs mention#addiction mention#i feel like i might've made this post before ages ago but i can't remember#in any case 'this character design makes her look like she's been ravaged by the effects of substance abuse' isn't really a compliment#especially since i wasn't exactly. going for that. at the very least it's a very strange thing to say.#also what part of this makes her look that way to you. is it the paleness of her skin? how skinny and lanky she is?#please tell me it's not her crooked teeth.#if it is i might have to kill you#(obligatory Don't Seek This Person Out And Bother Them Please)#again there's no shame in physically bearing the evidence of addiction#but its like. idk presumptive?? like Only People Who Are On Drugs Look Like This and it can't be for any other reason like. idk. genetics.#its just a weird comparison to make/thing to assume i guess. imagine saying this to an actual person#'youre so skinny/pasty/have such bad teeth i love it are you on heroin' like could you imagine#like clearly the person is happy about this design choice. im. im glad about that. but just. what.
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I'm not as well versed in Tolkien lore as I am with Elder Scrolls lore so, correct me if I'm wrong, but...
I'm not crazy for headcanoning Irmo/Lòrien as the god of sex right? Like, aside from the fact I have a ton of headcanons that de-align the lore from Christian ideals (cus I'm pagan and I think it's fun to be messy like that sometimes) but I just saw a post that was like "The Valar didn't have sex"
But Lòrien was the god of desire right?? And SOMEONE has to take on carnal desires and make sex pleasureable and you're telling me it's NOT the god of Desires???
Part of me headcanons Lòrien as like a Sanguinic/Dibellan (sorry for the TES comparison) figure who's sphere involves sex and beauty and all sorts of pleasure, and if you wanna get dark with it (cus I hc all the gods have darker aspects like Lòrien also gets nightmares that's fun) maybe he also gets like sadomasochism.
#in case you can't tell#I love how the elder scrolls does deieties so I kinda mapped that onto what I knew of Tolkien lore#at some point I kinda just took Tolkien's characters and turned them into little dolls for me to play with#whatever I headcanon is probably VERY different from what Tolkien intended#but I'm having fun turning these guys (the valar) into freaky fae creatures#atp i should just make my own lore lmao#tolkien legendarium#tolkien elves#tolkien#the silmarillion#the valar#valar#irmo lorien#irmo
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Thinking about that time when a popular artist was a prick to me personally (claimed that I "baited" them for a conflict when all I did was pointing out something in lore contradicting their claim, without any rudeness or condescension, and basically told me to go hang out with other autists instead of bothering them) but the reason I blocked them was not that, it was the fact that they've admitted on not even caring about the source material and just using scraps from it to do their own thing. Priorities hfngkfngj
#fandomry rambles#I can excuse asserting ego at my expense and acting as though my knowledge of lore is an offence but-#-I draw the line at taking advantage of an IP to get attention easier instead of 'just making an OC'#there is a line between creative liberties and not caring about source material!!! they are not the same thing!#and FANdoms are places for FANs of something! not for some pricks to advertise themselves!#again I just pointed out something that seemed like honestly forgetting or not knowing#and I instantly commented on how alternative they suggested wasn't bad and how it could still work!#but because they have super frail ego they perceived it as a personal attack apparently#and since Anna unblocked me right after to stalk me it just feels like they mocked me within their group later#again I wonder why popular artists with high skill but very little care for canon are SO insecure?#everyone admires them everyone wants to be their friend everyone draws fanart of their designs and ships#and yet slight event out of the line makes them turn into that one Wojack with a crying face behind smug mask#like how do you shovel notes and have more attention than what you can give back and STILL are this-#-insecure? really popularity can't heal you#if you fellow nobody artists feel as though your art being noticed would heal you: no it would not#honestly as for care for canon they already gave signal by boasting about prettyfying micolash because-#-they preferred 'aesthetic'#it is just something I've neglected because I was looking at redesigning characters differently#but seeing awful bimbo marikas for two years taught me better ngl#really I am dying to see them try to pull this one out with a female character#no really. try to pull the 'she looks ugly but I want me aesthetic so I polished her'.#hate double standards regarding drawing the character depending on their gender#but yeah in case you could not tell touching Bloodborne with ten yards stick just triggered a bad memory#I just.... I still love that game story and characters. I can feel it looking at these posts.#I really am the 'just make an OC' person#they should become friends with Eugene (champion of not caring for the source material) if not already
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good GOD can we stop gendering everything. I swear some of y'all just took the futch scale and decided to run with it as gender roles 2.0 (yassified edition)
#like use whatever labels you want for yourself and your communities idc! i love femmes i love butches im happy for you#my issue as always comes when yall start imposing those labels on anyone and everyone unsolicited#and ESPECIALLY when you tear apart other people for not being femme/butch enough#me personally i dislike both those labels because i know i will never be enough for them even if i try#plus i dont see the correlation between how a certain article of clothing or way of wearing my hair makes me more masculine or feminine#for ME that is. like if a skirt/kurti makes you feel more femme thats great. but that doesn't mean it has to universally be feminine#and telling me im femme because i like skirts is just reinforcing a universal gender to a piece of clothing#me personally i can't wear pants cause they're uncomfortable#anyway tangent aside. those “this is the most butch woman twitter can handle” posts were funny at first#but then they devolved into “HAHA twitter thinks girl with long hair is butch they don't know what a real butch is”#which is so annoying. what makes you butch. who gets to decide that#there is a problem when characters who express their butchness a certain way canonically get miscasted with traditionally femme stuff#and i get that butchphobia is very real#but also when that's not the case just let people express themselves man. you don't have to be dragging everyone all the time#liveblogging.pdf
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Inspired by and partner prose to Jamaica Kincaids' Girl
Today is transgender day of remembrance💙 I love you all and please please stay
#scamera poems#scamera writes#trans#transgender#transgender day of remembrance#original poem#in case you haven't read Girl before. its a mother figure telling a daughter how to act 'like a woman' for society#this is society telling you (a trans person) how to act. its supposed to be uncomfortable and feel bad#because rn thats what society does#don't let them forget what they've done to us#but stay alive to keep remembering those that can't be here#trans people keep living please. for you. for me. for past and future trans people. please keep living#i love you#also this isnt my favorite thing i've written but i dont mind it
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Uryu and Chad are gay married by the end of the manga. In this essay i will
#bleach#it's half-joking but not entirely so#see both are kinda each other's foils on several ways (uryu is also ichigo's foil in some ways but that's for another post)#both have a promise to themselves relating to their ancestors and both eventually break it#to me there's no greater symbolism to queerness than breaking family expectations (even if they were only self-imposed like in uryu's case)#then they go on to live lives they weren't supposed to live back in their youths (-AHEM-)#also they're the two characters who never got married to girls by the end of the manga despite there being enough girls in the cast for it#and you can see his face while watching chad's fight can't you? that's not the face a straight guy makes while watching a friend fight.#that's clearly a lovestruck look. uryu is watching his lover utterly kicking some guy's butt with loving eyes.#kubo could NEVER make them canon endgame because of shonen publishers' rampant homophobia#we do have another implied gay couple in the manga which are ikkaku and yumichika (don't tell me they WEREN'T a couple you know they were)#but again we could only see them bickering and caring about each other in a way no two bros usually do and never see any confirmation#(no like it WAS pretty darn obvious)#and if kubo couldn't make those two side characters openly be a couple do you think he would be able to do so to two MAIN characters?#but yeah tite kubo left all the hints in there because he knew some people would get it#(and let's be real here kubo KNOWS his audience or else he wouldn't fill the manga with well-dressed pretty boys)#i should be paying attention to class but i'm getting bored by it oops
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give me a reason to yap about DoctorRiver and I will deliver
#archipelago is the third audio in the NineRiver audios btw#in case it isn't obvious i love doctorriver#doctor x river#nine x river#doctorriver musings#big finish audios#big finish#star crossed#archipelago#ninth doctor#river song#doctorriver#tia talks tish#the way i yap about them still amazes me because i look at my school work and then my doctorriver yappings and you literally can't tell they#were written by the same person
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Also @ my it takes Sharena to break free from the "Gustav was a good man/Father" Askr family unreliable narrator hivemind. That the Main Reason she can't/doesn't is because it's the One Thing that's protecting her. That's stopping her from having a catastrophic world/life fucking breakdown about it. Heavily influenced by her brother and mother's feelings about it.
There's something else, I think Sharena is specifically protecting herself from too. She was Triandra's sister, too.
#feh#IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO TRIANDRA. FOR ME. FOR SOME REASON.#ALSO. ALSO. when it comes to 'comparing' what 'is/isn't' abuse. something logically ik you can't/shouldn't do#but like. tri/peony's father's ye olde fairytale villain levels of abuse vs gustav's abuse. which is.#so so. like. like i feel like i could meet someone and they could tell me yeah my dad was [insert every gustav trait here]#like. that's not to say the level of abuse tri/peony endured is impossible or realistic. like. it's just a rarer more horrifying case#that reads like an evil stepparent story ala cinderella.#like sliding scale/ends of a spectrum we have gustav (bad dad you can find anywhere dime a dozen)#to triandra's dad (cinderella stepmom levels of abuse but not entirely out of the realm of reality unfortunately just a rare case)#to sombron (literally actual cartoon levels of evil. which also isn't to dismiss anything but like.#he had a bunch of kids and then forced them to kill each other. and then did whatever he did to veyle. who was Lucky#she was too young to participate in the sibling battle royale to the death brawl.)#idk idk. it's like#back when i used to exist i had friends/peers who would talk about their family situations and#it was like. a frame of reference. that's horrible and outright abusive and i'm so sorry you have to go through that.#meanwhile. my own situation. i always describe it as 'stupid and complicated'.#idk idk. i just think sharena's feelings about gustav are more Loadbearing. than anything else.#and she's also like. she loves her brother so much. looks up to him and is inclined to trust/agree w whatever he says#like sharena obvs still has her own feelings/thoughts. but like. alfonse is also just so important to her.#and then there's henriette. who sharena does actively strive to be like. ect ect#idk idk. this is something other than breadcrumbs intsys gives me moldy bread cuts off the mold and tells me#it's safe to eat and that the mold was never there actually. but i remember. i remember the mold.#sharena#fe triandra
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