#i have many conflicting thoughts on how they dealt with some things in this ae

[yoosung-ah]

1. nothing could be more suspicious than that hair of yours. I swear this woman's hair gets bigger every time I see her. is that all real, or extensions? if it's real, then drop that haircare routine sis

2. if you choose the first one, Rika accuses you of being a pervert. she's not entirely wrong, but also, why did Cheritz even give us that option to begin with? this is not how I wanted to see him on his knees. bad vibes

3. top 10 saddest screenshots ever taken. literally just put me out of my misery

4. to draw this interaction this way was such a choice. I love how it looks both homoerotic and like a weeb's rendition of a biblical painting using their favourite characters from different franchises

5. first, I'm a fan of how this looks like the cover of one of those cheesy romance novels that grandmas read, and second, literally impossible. cruel of him and the writers to even suggest such a thing. I'm too selfish and don't have the coping skills or neurological genetics to do what you're asking of me

6. the absolute purity that radiates from this is unmatched. I almost don't want to be with him because he's too good for anyone. also babe did you break into V's studio to take this photo with the professional backdrop and everything? because I support that kind of behaviour

7. let's all together beat him up, then. if, like discussed in your AE, "there's no right or wrong," then violence should be acceptable. him and his security guard can't take us all on, and aren't you all about self-sacrifice? and protecting the twins? where's that attitude now?? you're already going to jail anyway. surely you have some repressed anger that you can make use of. Rika and I have enough crazy between us to equate to 3 men in battle too, like let's go

8. same energy as "now I feel weird" or "my head hurts" from days 8 and 9... sir, is this your tsundere way of saying you have feelings for me? I'm flattered, but as you can see, I already have a bf

9. we get called a goddess by both Chois. Cheritz saw the feedback from AS and Yoosung's route and made good use of it

10. "but not me" same. let me know if you need my help in any way. like how V "helped" Rika after her "skirmish" with your mom

... this feels oddly meta. as if Cheritz was like "we know you sickos have fantasized about ending up with both of them, so here you go" and you get to be with just Saeran in the alternative end. here it feels like Saeran's your husband, but Saeyoung's your boyfriend. like why they both holding bouquets, with us in the middle? I thought Saeyoung was looking at his brother's happiness, but he's actually looking at us

in addition to Chairman Han, I am petitioning Cheritz to also give us a Driver Kim and Prime Minister route. the former has a heart of gold but his voice and cadence makes me think he may have k!lled someone in the past, and I know that the latter has, but red flags never stopped us before

[poisonheart]

I keep coming back lol~

I’m so glad you brought up Alyssa (and the hate she gets from the fandom) because I have so many thoughts about her. While I know she has haters, I’m aware she also has enjoyers—often these groups go to the extremes of dislike/like, though. 

I’ll preface this by saying that I love that so many people nowadays are being more supportive of fictional ladies, even the less agreeable ones, but my feelings for Alyssa do not stem from this nor do I see myself as a part of the “support all fictional women” movement since I believe you can dislike a character without that choice being rooted in misogyny (or misandry if a male character.) 

And just because I can understand her, even sympathize with her, doesn’t mean I don’t see her faults or would be disappointed if it turned out she intentionally pushed Shin Ae in middle school. 

I’ve seen some Stalkyoo shippers hating on Alyssa just for existing, for being “Nol’s girlfriend” and while I get the annoyance of that fake relationship, I feel sometimes shipping clouds people’s vision to the overall story. It’s fine to dislike her, to suspect her, etc. She is similar to Kousuke in that they’re both characters that aren’t easy to root for, but to outright dismiss what we were shown in the flashbacks is wild.

We saw a very impressionable girl who was good at many times in academics and the arts, but didn’t really have a sense of self yet. She was homeschooled and sheltered, playing into her parent’s desires—probably more so to a father who ticked all the boxes of macho and abusive from the little we’ve seen. She’s seen a soft mother tolerate all this throughout, perhaps playing the role of ideal housewife to keep the peace in a household with a volatile bread winner. 

[That’s why it was so easy for her to fall prey to Yui—a strong, powerful woman who has everyone wrapped around her finger.] 

Alyssa saw the consequences of being fickle and “imperfect” with Meg—and knew what would happen, by how their father treated Meg, if she wasn’t the most ideal version of herself. I don’t know if I would necessarily assign mental health labels on Alyssa, but her ability to shift so rapidly between moods and temperatures is at least telling of the trauma she’s endured at home. Having to hide her sadness and stress from a father who would lash out at anything less than ideal/perfect.

And he was violent, if Meg’s reaction to Kousuke’s outburst following his altercation with Nol is anything to go by. The way she responds to his angry tone is a sign I won’t dismiss. Of course, I know Kousuke has reasons to treat her that way that go beyond him just being prickly in general—she did sexually harass him prior. Kousuke strikes me as someone who has dealt with harassment enough times to be rightfully defensive when people do not respect his boundaries.

[It’s nice Meg is changing, but this is one time I didn’t fault him for his reaction; if he were a female character and Meg had pulled that stunt in the early episodes—a lot more people would be on his side in this matter… I know it may not have been Quim’s intention for Meg, but sadly that whole arc reminded a lot of people who have been harassed before of how unacceptable her actions were.]

At any rate, Alyssa has always conformed to avoid conflict and to receive praise. Praise is better than scorn, it’s better than abuse. If she does what they expect and is asked of her, if she’s just good at everything, then she won’t get negative attention. That’s how she survived all this time. So then she comes to school for the first time and knows enough to understand she doesn’t want to be the odd kid who gets picked on. She cannot tolerate that. She’s spent her entire life avoiding that kind of thing at home.

This is all natural; we all go through it to some extent growing up. As you said, so many of us struggle(d) with this; being who we are vs being someone who is universally loved (and not having the experience at that age to understand that there’s no such thing.) Alyssa was very relatable. She was finally able to leave her golden cage and experience life, but she doesn’t want to suffer isolation or worse.

Talking about what Alyssa truly felt for Shin Ae is another monster to tackle. A lot of people read her feelings as romantic, awakening her to a sexuality that wasn’t the “norm” or “acceptable one” among her peers. Many readers suspect those notes in her locker were mocking her feelings for this—even what those boys said when they were trying to bully her was suspicions. Even her change toward Shin Ae could be attributed to her trying to avoid those feelings she felt she shouldn’t have, wanting to distance herself so that Shin Ae couldn’t affect her anymore. If she just went away, if she had never befriended her, then the feelings wouldn’t exist. 

Of course, it might turn out that it wasn’t romantic, but we cannot deny that Shin Ae made her feel strongly. I do believe she cared for her (I mean years later she remembered Shin Ae liked citrus flavored things) but her image and self-preservation ultimately won out. We see this constantly playing out in her scenes; she’s still trying to please everyone and fit it at the expense of herself and her desires. She doesn’t stand up for what she wants; she holds back and suppresses herself, not unlike Kousuke.

In fact, they’re quite similar in many ways.

Whereas Alyssa wants to be universally liked and strives to become someone everyone praises and admires (losing herself in the process), Kousuke wants to be loved by 1 bitter father; he yearns to be like him—down to the admiration Rand so effortlessly gains from people. Both push down their true wants, perhaps even ignoring or being oblivious to those desires in their pursuits. 

Alyssa hasn’t even shown she cares about Nol as a friend. He is a means to an end, and you have to wonder if she resents him for it. There she is—actually talented and skilled, but it’s her ties with him that got her to the position she’s in. And did she want to be an idol/singer? Or did her desire to be admired and lavished upon by Yui put her there? We know how she felt about idols specifically—the music she favored over that pop stuff. Her song (at the Christmas party) was very telling, too. 

Again, this is something she shares with Kousuke, who pursued the same field his father was in—who constantly says work isn’t a place for comfort—but then you see him totally change when talking about desserts/food or how brilliant he was as a pianist (to play that piece at that age is very difficult; he had to be exceptionally gifted.) 

I think the saddest part of Kousuke’s confession was that he ultimately wasn’t even chasing professional success. He was chasing his father’s love. Yui told him as a child that the only way to have Rand’s love was to become successful “like him” and that was the only way his father would turn to him, respect him, rely on and love him. Would he have chased the same things had that not been his motivator? Had he had Rand’s love? 

That really broke me. It doesn’t absolve Kousuke of his decisions, but I never asked for that. What I wanted was to know why and now I do. We know what led him to this point and it’s devastating, really. Doubly so when you see that Nol had offered him that love and acceptance all along. I know it’s not the same. Nothing fills the gap left by a parent, but he could have had an ally—someone to share his pain with. 

That subtle smile when Nol said they would have made a great team, he allowed himself to consider “the would have been.” 

He spoke of things he hated about Nol, but did he really hate him? 

It’s crazy to realize that even up until the night before the trial, Nol tried reaching out to Kousuke. He sought comfort in him and found none. It’s painful to see that it was for the reasons Kousuke stated. To see how the adults in their lives failed them and how ignoring and not fixing those broken bonds ended up yielding another bitter adult.

Anyway, just know you also don’t have to reply to this. I get carried away really often. Never could write something short to save my life. Loved reading your thoughts on the girls, too. 

In the end, I hope Alyssa can live for herself. I hope she finds out who she truly is and what she really wants and becomes unapologetically herself—whoever that turns out to be once she cuts away from Yui’s fake hair (that imagery was so good.)

ILY FP 219 (or, The One That Went to the Top of My Favorites List)

Hehehe is that an enticing enough, non-spoiler preview for you? lol I want so badly to tell everyone WHY they should be sure to FP this episode, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Not that I think knowing what’s in there will ruin it, but I think the impact of going into it without knowing is just SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL. It’s BEAUTIFUL okay? That’s why you should read it - it’s beautiful! 

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