#(im not mad im just stupid and gay LMAO)

[bottomvalerius]

the fact that the wicked movie has been out this long and there have been zero "is your pussy green??" jokes about Valdemar is making me mad

[ironmanstan]

.

[chainsawmanicure]

if batman had instagram

9+ direct mesaages

joker: Say Batsy, have U heard of Hawk-Tuah? HAHAHAHAHA! -J❤️

poison ivy: I NEED cocaine.

hugo strange: I NEED cocaine.

catwoman: Hey, handsome. Just checking in… 😏🐱❤️

mr freeze: I NEED my wife.

killer croc: Throwing a BBQ this Sat. DONT MISS IT, B-Man.

solomon grundy: gnwqioqjsmsmjdoo

harley quinn: my wife NEEDS cocaine.

scarecrow: Are you SCARED of Cocaine, Batman? HROOAAA…

riddler: solve my puzzles

penguin: Try as you might, Bat-Freak… you will NOT stop me from getting my COCAINE! -Oz☂️

mad hatter: Hello, Batman. I hate to ask you this but… would you mind reading me a bedtime story? I know it’s a stupid question, but… ah, whatever. Forget I asked…

nightwing: do u even watch the reels i send you. you say LOL but not all of them are funny

clayface: Wicked is playing in Gotham again. PLEASE let me out of Arkham. PLEASE LET ME OUT

manbat: Soz about that last message, was in batmode when I sent it. LMAO

black mask (idk anything about black mask): Im big and gay batman. Whats up

bane: hey are you going to croc’s bbq? i was gonna bring your favorite… deviled eggs… you like those rihgt?

calendar man: dont even try bro ill get u. Tomorrow’s Monday

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt.3,,,!!

warnings: mentions of boobs, ass (lmao) , mild sexual content, use of the d-slur (jokingly)

content: loser!ellie x reader :3 my pookieeee

authors note: these r actually my favorite things to write ever like im so glad yall like them :333

pt. 2. taglist!!! masterlist!!!!

☆ REALLY likes beef jerky. she’ll just sit there and chew…

- her hands r just constantly freezing. like DEAD PERSON COLD ITS SCARYYYY!!! she definitely uses ur boobs as handwarmers and its JARRING because her hands are actually so cold 😞😞!!!

- HER FEET TOO!!! she has some sort of circulation issues bc you’ll be in bed together and she’ll put her feet on you and you’ll just turn into a cartoon ice cube 😕😕

- the SECOND u have some sort of drama she is seated. like she is so MESSY she will talk shit abt someone she knows absolutely nothing abt just bc u don’t like them. anyone you hate she hates 💪🏽💪🏽

- speaking of she is literally so sassy 😞😞 like she will literally full body turn away from you and look at the window while you drive if she’s mad at you.

- every time you say something even remotely sexual she’s looking at you like 🤨 and trying not to laugh. if you texted her “im coming” she’d burst out laughing and write back like “geez we’re just going to the zoo…didn’t know u were THAT excited”

- has the humor of a middle school boy. she has an actual problem w deez nuts jokes 😞😞 she thinks its SOOOO FUNNY to give u fake backshots whenever you bend over around her. fake moans and everything 💔💔

- a pharb AND a barb. she definitely knows all of super bass by heart, and she knows how to play savior complex on the guitar. duality of women!!!

- every time you say something nice to her she’s like “ew thats gay” and then she gets upset when u get upset for it 😞 so RUDE actually!!!

- really likes doing facemasks with you because you always put them on for her, and because you look really stupid with them on.

- this video. js this whole video like!!! she definitely has that dinosaur hand sanitizer AND that backpack!!

- likes rings cuz she thinks they make her look cool, but she literally cannot keep them for more than a month. they get lost SO EASILY!!!

- knows a concerning amount of things about the roman empire.

- definitely saw the barbie movie with you, and got so embarrassed at the ken guitar scene ☹️ “do i do that??” and you had to hold back laughter and tell her no

- if you have little siblings, they LOVE HER. she is so good with kids its insane. she would definitely do the griddy w ur little brother and you would NEVER let her live it down

- if you take her to a family gathering, she’s either talking with your uncles or hanging out with your younger cousins. she’s scared of your cousins your age bc they’re “cool like you”

- definitely bought you lego flowers at one point and sat on the floor and built them with you

- has those glow-in-the-dark stars on her bedroom ceiling

- would absolutely lick your salt lamp “for science”

- one time you put her hair in pigtails and she wore it the whole day, and refused to let her friends make fun of it cuz her “wife” did them

- talks about you like a 40 year old man talks about his wife. “gotta get home to the wife” definitely has “happy wife happy life!” on a tshirt

- built the two of you a house on minecraft and put your beds next to each otherrrr :((

- carved your name on her skateboard and guitar

- had an AWFUL emo phase in middle school. terrible. was absolutely an avid tumblr user

- such a nerd about vinyls. would take u on dates to her favorite vinyl store, and buy you a new vinyl player because “yours damages your vinyls, and the audio quality is shit” (you randomly bought it on amazon)

- just knows so many facts…about things…. like she’s always talking to you like “oh my god babe did you know that-“

- would get “jealous” of your pets whenever you’d pet them or hold them in front of her. just going up to your cat like “she likes me more than you”

- made herself one of those “i love my girlfriend” tshirts with your face on it

- your dad definitely loves her because they have so much in common. grilling, fishing,camping, she’s like the ultimate dad-dyke

- can fall asleep ANYWHERE. like the second she’s tired she’s just 😴😴 and she’s definitely using you as a pillow

- one time the two of you went to a family party and you found her asleep on two folded chairs

- you’re her wallpaper on all her devices.

- every time you ask her what she’s doing and she’s playing guitar shes like “just fingering my guitar”. she thinks its SOOOO HILARIOUS

- definitely says white ppl shit all the time on accident . one time she said “lets rock and roll” when you two were going somewhere and she literally didn’t talk for 5 minutes cuz you could not stop laughing

- LOVES burts bees !!! her lips always taste like their strawberry chapstick and its wonderful

- has a pair of lightning mcqueen crocs

- LOVESSSS when you paint her nails and do her makeup (she just likes you sitting on her lap)

- definitely one of those girls thats like. obsessed w doctor pepper. its a serious problem 😞😞!!!

- has a little shoe box full of receipts, polaroids of you, and little souvenirs from your dates. :((

- literally melts when you scratch her back

- very into horror games/analog horror. definitely binge watched markipliers “faith” gameplay and talked about it nonstop

- miles morales is def her fave superhero. has so many of his comics and LOVES the spiderverse movies. calls you her gwen 😞😞

taglist!!! if ur name is crossed i cant tag u :((

@syrenada @dinaissoprettyoml @kingofmylastkiss @as2rid @greencacty @melissabarrerass @bratydoll @lov3lylotus @forelliesposts @echostinn @f3r4lfr0gg3r @r3wbeef @leatheredhearts @mousymaven @mina-281 @princessguardian444 @calystas-morning-tea @horror-whoree @slutshies @bearieio @mag-mfm @bubs-world @paran0id0blivi0n @sawaagyapong @bbygrlshelbs @gayh0rr0r @pl9ys @ellieslilslvvt @dollietes @elliesmellsbadd @ibloom4u @ddreabea @beestar120 @brunettedolls-blog @girlwonderchloe @elliesgflol @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @iloveeyousblog @fr3sh-tragedies @ilovaffles @certifedcrybunny @elleatethat @baldph0bic @clouded-whispers @4rt3m1ss @saggykneecaps @swtsuna @ell1esslutt @minixmel @yuyans-stuff @owmoiralover @thecowardwrites @lunascerebro @elliestrwbrry @iwantsoda @teeveegirl @dinasmoon @urnewghostfriend

[demon-of-the-ancient-world]

Dune dashboard simulator

______________________________________________________________

🤖justice-4-machines Follow

friendly reminder that the butlerian jihad was an atrocity and violation of human rights :))

🌌spice-snorter2828 Follow

Tell me you know nothing about the Butlerian Jihad without telling me you know nothing about the Butlerian Jihad

______________________________________________________________

🤴imperial-bussy Follow

I know I know eat the rich and all that but have you SEEN Shaddam IV in his 20s????? we didn't stand a chance

_____________________________________________________________

🐛shai-hulud-bignaturals Follow

🌏idont-likesand Follow

...fellas is it time for a second butlerian jihad yet?

🤺weirding-gay Follow

I'm crying didn't he literally purge his 30th planet TODAY?? you're sick

🦠 gaydi-prime-ribs Follow

ppl saying kill as if they could even if they tried lmao

🏜 treading-rhythmically Follow

"people are choosing fuck when he doesn't even fuck his own wife??? as if" skill issue. im here & im pegging him.

🧿realwormrider Follow

Okay in all seriousness this is fucked up. I know people cope in different ways but he is LITERALLY a dictator and a colonizer. People like you who make light of that is the REASON SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPENS!!! Maybe YOU haven't suffered at the hands of his holy war yet but ffs have some compassion for those who have

🏜 treading-rhythmically Follow

or you could just...block the emperor muad'dib tag?? the best you can do in times like these is curate your own life to the best of your abilities my dude

🧿realwormrider Follow

Or OTHER PEOPLE could just NOT SEXUALIZE DICTATORS!!!! Also - what about the WOMEN in his life who are currently also suffering because of him??? no love for them I see??

🏜 treading-rhythmically Follow

ok im gonna sexualize him though

🐛shai-hulud-bignaturals Follow

@/realwormrider make your own post why don't you

🏄‍♂️surfin-thedunes Follow

@/realwormrider wants to fuck him so bad it makes them look stupid

______________________________________________________________

💧freminomenon Follow

Sigh. some idiot brought a fucking shield into the Sietch. time to evacuate while a motherfucking grandfather of a worm demolishes it ig.

______________________________________________________________

🍝sandworm-spaghetti Follow

*reminds a kindergartener to use their indoor voice but they're the kwizatz haderach and use their Indoor Voice From The Outer World to yeet my ass into the maw of the Maker*

______________________________________________________________

🎆arena_girllll Follow

Once again because apparently this HAS to be said: REGULAR FETISH GEAR IS *NOT* GEIDI PRIME APPROPRIATION!!!! There is a world of difference between our traditional clothing and bondage stuff. I'd argue that insinuating they're the same thing or even similar is far worse. If you want proper examples of GP clothing my ask box is open, if you're going to "defend" a culture from appropriation get your facts from someone WITHIN THAT CULTURE for fucks sake

______________________________________________________________

💋tleilaxu-catgirl-meow Follow

Heard Thufir Hawat had to milk a cat to get the poison out of his body...not to be That Girl but hmmm could've milked me instead and I wouldn't be mad

👽simpin4sandworms Follow

Where's that guy who calls for a second Butlerian Jihad on cursed horny posts?

🐮tired-ass-bullfighter Follow

hate to break it to you op but i'm pretty sure this didn't happen and is actually just harkonen propaganda

not saying it couldn't happen though live your dreams

🌵bless-themaker-bless-hiswater Follow

by the Mahdi you people are dogs. i will reblog as usual.

🪐ix-the-tenth Follow

none of these words are in the oc bible

______________________________________________________________

🐀muaddib-did-nothing-wrong Follow

PAUL ATREIDES IS LITEARLLY DISABLED YOU GUYS!!! I CAN'T STOP YOU HATING ON HIM BUT ABELIST "JOKES" HAVE NO PLACE HERE!!!!!

🌺settler-of-kaitan Follow

...since when tf is he disabled

✋i-must-fear Follow

He literally has??? no eyes????

🌺settler-of-kaitan Follow

Ok but he can still see though

✨not-a-fedaykin Follow

sigh. not me being the one to explain AGAIN that his oracular vision is a disability aid, not something that erases it entirely. from what I understand he sees a couple seconds into the future by use of prescience, it's not the same thing as Actual Sight. (not a supporter, just someone with an unfortunate hyperfixation)

______________________________________________________________

�� caladan-fake-news Follow

Shame Paul Mudad'dib Atreides became a Spice-addicted despot bc I bet he would've made some sick podcasts if given the chance

______________________________________________________________

☢️blessthecumming&goingofhim Follow

THE MUDAD'DIB WAS AN IMPORTANT FREMEN SYMBOL *LONG BEFORE* YOU-KNOW-WHO . ME HAVING A MOUSE TATTOO DOES *NOT* MAKE ME A SUPPORTER OF P*** A****** OR HIS GOVERNMENT. I HATE ALL OF YOU.

______________________________________________________________

🪰 melange-maxxing Follow

soooooo apparently there's a stone burner on arrakis now :) if I don't post for a while its bc i'm on the waitlist for tleilaxu eyes fyi

💧freminomenon Follow

this post is 8 months old should we be worried?

✨not-a-fedaykin Follow

Not true op. pls stop spreading incorrect information without a source, you're no better than the people who claim they brought back duncan idaho

🌴fear-is-the-dick-killer Follow

ummmmmm they literally did bring Duncan Idaho back???? don't claim information is false when YOU haven't done your research maybe???

______________________________________________________________

♟real-harkonnens-dni Follow

Guys....I know I said I wouldn't do rpf but the new transcript of the conversation before Paul's ascension that just came out??? I'm tempted to jump on the threesome train and write Shaddam/Paul/Feyd-Rautha it's actually destroying my sleep schedule.

In this translation the term Shaddam uses to describe Leto I COULD translate to "honorable" but some say it COULD translate to something closer to "beloved"????????? I'm???

So it got me thinking...if..you know...he and Leto I....what would he think of Paul, his only living descendent? (and don't come at me with the "he's underage stuff", HE WAS 18) ahhhhhhh idk maybe I'm too deep into this but I wanna see the 3 of them together so badly 😭😭

♟real-harkonnens-dni Follow

OKAY OKAY I DID IT! I GAVE IN

Last Drop of Blood

Shaddam IV/ Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen/ Paul Atreides, 9K, Rated E [WILL CROSS POST TO AO3 LATER]

Read More

______________________________________________________________

🧿realwormrider Follow

@/shai-hulud-bignaturals told me to "make my own post" so here it is 🙃

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Irulan Corrino

(answer in tags bc my polls option got fucked)

👾shy-hulud Follow

your polls option getting fucked was a sign for you not to make this post

🌆lurkin-inthe-blackgoo Follow

Lmaooooooo as if she's any better she's the daughter of one emperor and wife to another. idc how much she's "suffered" by being married to mudad'dib she's still immensely privileged and a fellow colonizer. you are not morally superior for being horny about her instead of her husband lolllll

______________________________________________________________

🧠spice-sexual Follow

kinda want to fuck a guild navigator who's stopping me

💋tleilaxu-catgirl-meow Follow

^^^

______________________________________________________________

🧿realwormrider Follow

You thought this was fucking over?

Her Desires

Irulan Corrino x Reader, 12K

Read More

♟real-harkonnens-dni Follow

Omg

I'm in tears of ???? joy???

literally my hands are shaking you never miss op 🥵

[i-cant-sing]

tt au

ok so im just gonna write notes as i read,

Baris is always starting shit. that mf. starting off the chapter with him roasting tf outta reader, like ok my guy. u must think you’re all that and a bag of chips.

mihirmah MAKING READER CRY? or like , maybe all of them calling her ugly and how lowly she is , is finally catching up to her. that’s so sad :/

awe damn. my girl just got cornered, i hope she’s legally able to beat their asses w/o dying 😭

YES SHE SLAPPED HER ASS, STUPID FUCKING HOE GOT WHAT SHE DESERVED

awe damn, not the scone to the face. this bitch crazy.

reader is TRAUMATIZED by baldwins attack , i think that’s another reason why people should STOP WISHING FOR HIM TO COME BACK!! that dude ruined her life and almost killed her.

Ibrahim asking y/n how he’s a slave? idk that is giving lovesick fool , cos? why u so interested 😏 u really listening to every word i’m saying and want to hear more 😉

Why is baris telling everyone we got attacked? TMZ much??

mihirmah and y/n scene, where y/n is all 🙄 ,,, ok sultana 😄 and mihirmah is like, that’s not my name 🥹 is so gay. that shit is so gay.

why r the moms calling for their sons? i feel really stupid. what’s happening ?

oh they both visited y/n ? OH I GET IT NOW!!! it’s cos they want their son to be the one married to y/n , since suleiman is so important and he likes y/n!!!

oh got dayum. y/n is getting her own personal chambers , she’s getting awfully close to the royal family 😏

ho-em-gee, Hurrem wants to murder y/n just cos of these rumors and doesn’t want her as her daughter in law??? at least Mahidevran is ok with y/n living. for that, i’m on mustafa’s side. just for rn, only cos i don’t want y/n in a bad situation

nawt y/n & baris actually fighting each other like sibilings 😭 i like how he clocked her on Ibrahim, 🤷🏽‍��️ that’s all imma say about that

why mustafa say “finally” when y/n said she read all the books in their library? he like himself some nerdy girls 👹

omg brother and sister duo gonna get the girl? but for who 😏 cos that girl is Gay. she’s Gay.

ykw , it was wrong of me to assume mihirmah was going to be a good wing-woman , she’s laying it on THICK to y/n lmao

wow. i did not expect mehmed to be so romantical! “moon,” too cute! idk who i’m rooting for anymore!!

oh damn. mihirmah starting shit , and mahidevran is mad. bruh. when will y/n catch a break. also who is baris reporting to? hurrem?

i loved this chapter tho!! i feel like yandere vibes r already here with mehmed! mihirmah, is giving a close second. i just feel like mihirmah is giving some little gay vibes! or maybe she’s just a platonic yandere ? ugh watch me be wrong. that’s so embarrassing 😭 thank u for the chapter! it was scrumptious!!

i LOVED THIS REVIEW OMG BHFEBKWAHEHF TOO GOOD!!!!1

"Ibrahim asking y/n how he’s a slave? idk that is giving lovesick fool , cos? why u so interested 😏 u really listening to every word i’m saying and want to hear more 😉" AHAHAHHAAHAHA DEAD 😭

"why mustafa say “finally” when y/n said she read all the books in their library? he like himself some nerdy girls 👹" no no, he thought "finally, she spared me a look/gave me her attention"

"ykw , it was wrong of me to assume mihirmah was going to be a good wing-woman , she’s laying it on THICK to y/n lmao" girl she does not know how to be discreet because she's never needed to- what she demands, she gets. and she wants u to be Mehmed's girl rn 😠

[scooter-ing]

ive been itching to actually say something about this, so like

idk man i just think its actually appalling how some people can't get it past their thick skulls that tyler/?? didnt care about wednesday. oh, "wednesday has tyler!" no she doesn't, he admitted to enjoying the brutal murder of multiple innocent people. and even if that isn't enough to get wednesday away from him, he literally hurt eugene and sent him into a coma?? she literally blamed herself for it!!!!!! and then he also hurt enid, who she has quite literally actively shown more care to rather than xavier or tyler. she didn't even touch him when she kissed him. she fucking ran away from him when she had the vision!! how thick headed can you be!! oh, "she said he was his type," it was a quip. she's talking about how she seems to attract dangerous people.

don't even get me started on xavier, that man is just so pathetic it's just beyond me lmao. the guy had the gall to actually continue to try to win her over, even AFTER she got him fucking arrested without remorse??? that's just so funny to me. bought her a whole ass iphone and everything. she asked him to the dance ONLY because she had ulterior motives relating to the hyde, and really didn't gaf when he found out. just resorted to more scouting w/ eugene for the night of the dance. and that scene where he asked bianca to make him forget about her... just Ew. like ew stop that. poor bianca.

i genuinely don't know how to express my feelings in relation this cause its just all so incoherent. like, isn't it obvious enough how much wednesday brushes off xavier and tyler?? like? so obvious? obvious enough that wednesday is actively upset and says that being alone doesn't fucking feel good? only when ENID leaves, and ENID gets mad at her, and she only hugs ENID, and tries to maneuver her language to not upset ENID!! (save for eugene) . it's just, ugh. like,,, ugh. how can you say that there's no chemistry. i just don't get it. "im not homophobic but its obvious that wednesday is straight" okay well shut up i think you just don't wanna see gay people in shows that you like (you're homophobic). and it's not even just that, there's so much more to back up wenclair than there is like, any other ship in this series.

i don't mean for this to be like actively directed at anyone btw, i'm just channeling my thoughts into a stupid tumblr.com text post because im angry and hyperfixating on a ship that i like. this is extremely incoherent im sorry u had to read this

[growling]

bsd has done irreparable damage to my psyche anyway season 5

ep1:

two questions for this season before we get into it: 1 where ranpo. 2 where kunikida. 3 where akutagawa. sorry that was three

oh yeah the. coin bombs. oops

KUNIKIDAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whoops his hands are gone. thats easy kunikida jsut take the pen in your mouth and like and follow for awesome more loading screen tips from one and only tumblr user growling

akutagawa spotted in the intr- nvm dazai is here too my day is ruined

back to lucy's server :))))) hello lucy :))))))

kunikida running the torment gauntlet these past few seasons it looks!!

its him. my beautiful normal pet sigma once again

nikolai i missed you and your silly wacky hijinks. dm me after this

love u nikolai that is very helpful. 10/10 magic tricks my offer still stands if youre interested just please please please pl

you know its /srs once nikolai takes off that eyepatch card thingy

damn thats gay

the inherent homoeroticity of lust murder

ango calm the fuck down can you just. wait for a moment.

now look how stupid you look ango. idiot boy. that was SO goofy i'll say.............. something about this scene was just so funny to me

oooooh the leader is called kamui :333

awwww they're protective of and about to go very easy on their best buddy atsushi but when ango offers himself instead they're like "were gonna fucking suck blood out your arteries like caprisun"

katai........... they took his fucking electronics can't have shit in yokohama. look at him he's fucking dying

feral

fyodor and dazai are. really fucking bored in there lmaooooooo they're playing fucking number games in there. when's the second episode of ur two man comedy show im a huge fan

WAIT IT WAS RANPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S RANPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RANPO I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING THE ENTIRE LATTER HALF OF THE PAST SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RANPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO he saved literally every guy that was held captive :33333 ranpo is the second most powerful person in this world right after chuuya (though it kinda blurs)

and he stole a cape <3

he's so smart and wonderful and perfect guys.

POEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S HERE THEY WERE WORKING TOGETHER RIDE OR DIE AROAPLNARC4AROAPLNARC DUE THE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my throat closed when i saw him this is what these two are fucking doing to me

oh fukuzawa's sooooo mad about this lmao <33 i knew he'd be he looked so damn pissed the whole time <33333333

holding up the heinous criminal photo of the agency discussing their fucked up and evil atrocities and the image is just ranpo doing the peace sign with the

RANPO'S HERE yeah let's go ranp show these stupid fucking 0 IQ babies fukuzawa's words not mine what you got!!!!

LET'S GO RANPO WOOHOO!!!!!!! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[underworld-park-offical]

CRAIG: He didn’t pick up?

TOLKIEN: Clearly not

CRAIG: Damn L

CRAIG: Big L

TOLKIEN: Who else can we call?

TOLKIEN: Who else can we call?

CRAIG: My friends from the hypehouse im in?

TOLKIEN: The what?

CRAIG: A hype house

CRAIG: Yknow like

CRAIG: You get a bunch of cool and famous people in a house together

CRAIG: And then you like

CRAIG: Film them doing shit and you get like

CRAIG: MEGA rich.

TOLKIEN: That's queer

CRAIG: You’re queer

TOLKIEN: So are you

CRAIG: AURRR NAUURRR, CLEAURRRR!!!

TOLKIEN: I mean

TOLKIEN: It’s not a bad idea…

TOLKIEN: But I think i’d be wiser to call Nichole

TOLKIEN: She at least has common sense

CRAIG: Who?

TOLKIEN: My ex from before I knew I was gay

CRAIG: Oh

CRAIG: You’re still friends with her but not Clyde?

TOLKIEN: I’m still mad at Clyde

TOLKIEN: At least Nichole washed her hands

CRAIG: Lmao

CRAIG: Based

TOLKIEN: Shut up

TOLKIEN: I'm calling them right now

NICHOLE: Wow, that movie was really good!

NICHOLE: Though, to be honest

NICHOLE: I think we should’ve saw Oppenheimer

WENDY: Hoe, do you even KNOW what Oppenheimer was about?

NICHOLE: Yeah, I saw like two trailers

WENDY: What's it about then?

NICHOLE: Well-

(Shape of you ringtone)

NICHOLE: Oop! That's mine!

WENDY: Oh my fucking god, it’s like, 1 am

WENDY: Who's calling you right now??

NICHOLE: Oh it's–!

NICHOLE: Tolkien?

BEBE: YOUR EX???????

NICHOLE: Yeah

BEBE: BIIIIITCH, is he single?

NICHOLE: No, last I heard he was dating Clyde

BEBE: I can fix him

NICHOLE: He’s gay, Bebe, not a robot

BEBE: I can fix him

NICHOLE: Whatever

RED: Wassup, Wassup, Wassup, it's Prince Charming

RED: Hey Tolkien

NICHOLE: I didn't even pick up the phone

RED: ….

RED: Oh

NICHOLE: "Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?

    Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person.

     Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon as property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced." Blah, blah, blah. Now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No.

     If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too.  So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay. So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night.  Uh... Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long.  

    Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87.  Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know? Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll pr- they'll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton

 without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit."

TOLKIEN: Uhm TOLKIEN: Hello? TOLKIEN: Nichole?

BEBE: Hiiiiiiii Babyyyyy~

TOLKIEN: Oh TOLKIEN: Hey… TOLKIEN: Uh… TOLKIEN: Ba…. bee?

BEBE: Bebe, baby, 

BEBE: It's kinda like baby, but it's not! BEBE: Its B-E-B-E

BEBE: And that's how you spell my name, baby!

BEBE: Sweetie!

BEBE: Honey bunches of oats!

TOLKIEN: Don’t call me those things, we aren't dating TOLKIEN: I'm gay, anyways

BEBE: I won't tell Clyde

TOLKIEN: I’m not even dating Clyde anymore

NICHOLE: Oh my god why? What happened?

TOLKIEN: I found out he doesn't actually wash his hands TOLKIEN: Like… ever

WENDY: EWWWW

RED: Bruh ☠️

RED: BRUHHHHHH 💀 💀 💀

WENDY: Other than that….

WENDY: Disgusting ass mess

WENDY: What's up?

TOLKIEN: Oh nothing much TOLKIEN: Just getting haunted by demons TOLKIEN: You know how it is

RED: Oh cool

RED: …. RED: Wait what

NICHOLE: Yeah wait what?

BEBE: WHAT???? BEBE: OH MY GODDDDDD BEBE: ARE YOU DEAD??????

TOLKIEN: Yes TOLKIEN: I am dead TOLKIEN: I'm talking to you on my ghost phone in the afterlife

BEBE: WHAT!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??

TOLKIEN: Yes, I'm alive  you dumb bitch

BEBE: Oh thanK GAWDDDDD

TOLKIEN: Anyways TOLKIEN: Craig wanted me to call you

WENDY: Why?

TOLKIEN: I don't know TOLKIEN: He’s Craig

RED: Yall fucked around with an Oujia Board and found out?

TOLKIEN: Craig decided to be an idiot and use it while we were gone TOLKIEN: He was gonna slander the dead person for their subscriber count

WENDY: Of course he would

BEBE: I mean like

BEBE: Why wouldn't he?

BEBE: I’ve collabed with him enough times

BEBE: Image counts

BEBE: Especially on our duo account Xx_The_Real_Ones_xX

BEBE: Like

BEBE: I don't want some ass hat with less than 500 followers following my ass

BEBE: Smh my head

TOLKIEN: God I forgot how insufferable you and Red are TOLKIEN: It's just Craig all over again

BEBE: What?

TOLKIEN: What? TOLKIEN: Oh yeah, by the way, Jimmys fucking dead

RED: WHAT?!?!

RED: Noooo Jimmy was literally so cool

WENDY: Okay yeah this sounds like

WENDY: Awful

WENDY: Do you want us to come over?

TOLKIEN: What  TOLKIEN: No TOLKIEN: That’ll put you in danger

RED: I’ve seen every horror movie ever

RED: You’ve involved us with this phone call

RED: We’re pretty much already fucked

RED: Who's got the car keys?

BEBE: Meeee!!

BEBE: Memememmemmeme!!

RED: Okay bitch lets go

BEBE: YASSSS QUEEN

BEBE: YAYYYYYY

BEBE: RESCUE MISSIONNNN!!!!

NICHOLE: We’re coming, Tolkien, where are you guys?

TOLKIEN: Stan's Bunker

WENDY: His room?

TOLKIEN: No TOLKIEN: The other one

WENDY: The barn?

TOLKIEN: Yeah

WENDY: Okay, we’re coming, see you soon

RED: Lets go yall

RED: We got some people to find

BEBE: YEAHHHHHH!!!

NICHOLE: Stay safe until then guys, okay?

TOLKIEN: We’ll try TOLKIEN: Man, Tweek is going to kill me

BEBE: Who's Tweek?

BEBE: (GASP) BEBE: DON'T TELL ME BEBE: HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!?!?!??!?

BEBE: WAHHHHHH

TOLKIEN: No, he's not my boyfriend

TOLKIEN: He's Clyde's

BEBE: WAHHHHHH…. waaaait

BEBE: Clyde got a new boyfriend ALREADY???

TOLKIEN: Yeah TOLKIEN: You all missed a lot

RED: I mean

RED: To be fair

RED: Until now, we didn't have plot relevancy

TOLKIEN: What?

BEBE: What?

WENDY: What?

NICHOLE: What?

RED: What?

TOLKIEN: Whatever, just  TOLKIEN: Just get here soon guys TOLKIEN: Try not to die on your way here, either

RED: Well RED: We can't make any promises now, can we?

BEBE: Oh don't be so NEGATIVE, Red

BEBE: We’ll live

RED: …

RED: Okay well now we're definitely  gonna die 

WENDY: Red, Stop that!

RED: I'M JUST BEING LOGICAL

WENDY: HORROR MOVIES AREN'T ACTUAL LOGIC YOU IDIOT!

NICHOLE: We’ll be there as soon as we can

NICHOLE: It’ll be a miracle if we can even get out to Bebe's Porsche

TOLKIEN: Alright TOLKIEN: Bye Nichole

NICHOLE: See ya (Poopyface)

(Edits made by @cattpup5 BE NICE TO THEM THEY WORKED VERY HARD >:((( )

[hyperrealisticblood]

can i say marios madness for the fandom one is that allowed

okay hopefully this one will be shorter and i wont write twenty billion words. funny scary mario mod

favorite character: its a tie between dj hallyboo and mx for me. hallyboo has been my blorbo in law for years now so i already liked him as a character before the mod dropped and people actually started giving a fuck about him. mx is just neat :]

least favorite character: why the fuck is racist mario here. girl go home (second place is chris pratt if he even counts)

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): (skipping this one because i cant think of five ships sorry </3)

character i find most attractive: i would let mx do the most heinous shit to me like im not even fucking joking. when i saw powerdown v2 for the first time and i saw how fucking massive i was something fundamental changed inside of my mind. i am moving on before i say something that gets this blog taken down

character i would marry: uh. somari seems the least likely to kill me so i guess him!!!

character i would be best friends with: see above

a random thought: i will never understand why sm64 classified got three songs. like im sure its a fine series but youre telling me we got a second song about luigi in mario 64 and not victim 01. fuck off

an unpopular opinion: i dont think anyone who follows this blog is trapped in funkin discourse purgatory like i am (for the love of god please help me) but when the mod came out there was a lot of debate surrounding the fact that boyfriend expresses things like fear and anger in various songs. for those not in the know (KEEP IT THAT WAY) in canon funkin the reason given that bf and gf are never scared of the enemies is that "theyre too stupid to be afraid". i already dont like that because it makes them boring as fuck so i dont mind mm deviating from that at all. could you imagine mm if bf and gf were just sat there making their fucking free roblox cosmetic ass expressions for two hours. i would have committed higurashi fingernail scene

my canon OTP: grand dad and somari canonically being married is soooo swag

non-canon OTP: i mean its vaguely canon on one side because of pasta night but shinto/coronation peach is :]

most badass character: devil mario stinks so bad of "2000s edgy deviantart oc" and i fuck with it heavy

pairing i am not a fan of: mx/coronation peach :( that is a lesbian and a gay man to me lmao

character i feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): i cant really think of any?? i think the art in day out is scuffed as fuck but i dont think that counts

favorite friendship: i miss mx and lord x being bros so bad....... like i wouldnt mind if it just wasnt canon anymore but the fact that its also banned as a fanon thing really sucks :(

anyways sorry for talking about friday night funkin. i will absolutely do it again

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[icarus-does-fall]

Chapter four >:) this is technically a two part chapter cause gay people lmao

It's also really fucking long 😅

Ashes to ashes

Kain was forced to write his apology letter to Michael. The previous day those two were left to their own devices and a fight had broken out, they both had gotten fairly injured and Kain had bitten Michaels shoulder… leading to future problems. By the end of their fight the two were encased in darkness thanks to Michaels powers, Kain was slightly burned due to forgetting his own control, yet he didn't feel the pain it brought, and Michaels uniform was fairly torn up. And before any more serious damage could happen the two were pulled apart. Michael being dragged back to the cathedral by Mary and Socks dragging Kain away back to the ship.

Michael was grounded for a lack of better words. No longer dressed in his robes, he was wearing slacks and a plain black shirt and priest collar. He was restrained to the Cathedrals grounds and had to clean its entirety, once it was all clean he would be allowed out in public again. Yet on top of having to clean the Cathedral and its grounds Michael had also received lashings from Keir, it was a usual occurrence whenever he broke a rule and very early on in his life he took on Mary's lashings as well, he was going to protect his sister at any given cost, even if it meant more pain for him, the veil was lifted quickly and he saw Keir and the church for who they were very quickly but he would never leave. Not without Mary, yey she was hopelessly devoted to her work, so Michael tried his best to follow her.

Kain had stumbled back onto the ship battered, bruised and bleeding. The worry spiked through the crew as they all saw him yet Kain simply brushed them aside and collapsed onto an empty chair. He gotten his rest and healed up just fine, yet when he was bullied into breakfast by Salvador, Socks bullied him into writing an apology letter, but Kain much to his prideful and illiterate self struggled and the apology turned more into a “sory I bited you but youe stil a dick an u started the fight cause u got mad by my existing” type of letter. Now with the letter in hand he headed off to give it to Michael, much to his displeasure as he ignored why his heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing the annoying priest again.

As Kain made his way to the cathedral and knocked on the doors, Michael halted from the inside. There were no scheduled visitors for the day and for this specific cathedral no one often chose to go there to seek comfort, it was more out of the way then everything else. A few knocks later Michael opened the door, just to see Kain and to have a letter immediately shoved into his hands. The two stood in silence for a few moments as Michael read.

The cathedral itself was an old stone building, its doors were a dark oak mahogany, the floors a black marble. Organ music playing on a never ending loop, there were vines crawling up the sides of the walls and stained glass windows around every corner. The inside was bright and gave a comforting atmosphere, the shadows, the way they flickered out of tune with the candles, the way things seemed to be sharper if only glanced at from the corner of your eye gave way to darker things that happened.

It took a moment or two for Michael to decipher the writings of Kains handwriting, it was near illegible but he managed and then grinned wryly with a raised eyebrow as he tucked the letter away into his pocket. Kain looked pissed at that reaction and glared all the same.

“This is certainly an unexpected surprise, I wouldnt think you would step close to me- let alone a church, however I must say it certainly? Or read?”

Kains glare heightened and he scowled, his face flushing bright red at the implications, no matter how accurate they were. “I was bullied into this, dont think youre all that special! And- And yeah! Obviously I can! Everyone can read, Im not fuckin stupid, cause I’ll have you know Im smart as fuck!”

“My apologies, I did not mean any offence by the question… Yet there is no shame in not knowing, not truly everyone knows the language they speak… I-” Michael paused for a moment before begrudgingly he sighed and opened the door to the cathedral further to allow Kain access if he so chose to accept his offer. “I understand you have a dislike of the church yet, the church can help…- I could help you learn how to write if you'd like.”

Kain paused, staring silently at Michael for what seemed like an eternity before eventually replying. “And you wouldn't tell anybody?”

“Of course not, if not anything else I am certainly a man of my word, of my promises.”

Kain scrunched his nose in response but sighed none the less before pointing a finger towards Michael and poking him in the chest. “Fine, I'll take the writing lessons… but if I find out you breathed a word of this to anyone I will skin you and turn you into a leather coat, got it?”

Michael waved his hand dismissively at the threat and rolled his eyes as he led Kain into the cathedral. “Yes, yes I do understand how interactions with you work, I've had enough of them at this point… However, leather of all things? That would simply be a waste, I have fur.”

Kain grinned and laughed as he followed Michael inside, his eyes roaming over the interior. Much to his annoyance it was a beautiful space, not as bloody or in ruin as most of the churches he’d been in. "That's the point, no dignity in death and all that yeah?"

Michael gave Kain a flat, unamused look before a hint of a smirk found its way towards his face as he led the way to an empty table to begin the work and lesson. “Hmm... Well writing lessons yes? What do you know that will help with the basics?”

"Uhhhhh I kinda know how to sound things out I guess? And I can rember most of the letters off the top of my head s'just hard to put them togther on the paper and make em look nice.....and I know how ta read most of the smaller words and the commen words i guess”

Kain paused for a moment before he continued speaking, “this church, it isn't as bloody as the ones im used to seeing an’ bein in”

He nods along as Kain speaks about what he knows how to write while leading him to a small alcove with a writing desk with cushioned benches, he seemed to glance over the fact that Kain was used to bloody churches. “Yes, the cathedral is typically kept in top shape... The high priest likes his rules... Except for when I walked in earlier the other today, I believe that was the most... messy it had been in here for quite some time.”

"Ah fair, yeah no the place I used to uh .....attend, was a lot less caring about keeping up appearances"

“Yes well... appearances tend to mean a lot to those that reside here, I have never quite understood the extent they take it.”

" Yeah.. I guess the place I grew up didn't get many visitors who didn't already live there so there was no need to impress anyone, plus most of the sermons tended to be bloody so there was no real point in cleaning the blood anyway”

Michael paused for a moment as he was taking out parchment and the ink to write with it, at that comment he was finally get curious about why blood ket being mentioned and simply stared at Kain for a few moments “What- And excuse me for being so blunt yet, what type of sermons were you attending? Even while the old ones can be a bit... unorthodox at times there's never been blood shed in a church over those preachings.”

“Not ones I participated in willingly let me tell you that!" Kain laughed before stopping and his face went serious "But uh.... ever uh..... ever heard of the blood god?" He sighed and looked away from Michael. "They're a uh......a....um....roge.....god.....”

“Then blood certainly would make sense... They're a bit demanding from the little I know of them, they're not talked much about per the high priest's request however and I've... Well, I've been here for the majority of my life. Never really allowed to explore life outside the cathedral.”

Kain seemed surprised at Michael's reaction. "You're not wigged out by that? That I have attended a church of the blood God?" He tilted his head kind of like a bird "like that doesn't scare you?"

Michael half shrugged and continued to pull out parchment and writing utensils, placing some in front of Kain “When your childhood is as... complicated as mine was, you tend to simply try to accept the things you're told and continue on... While it may be... off putting there's no use to dwell on it if it can no longer affect our surroundings.”

Kain looked at him surprised as he picked up a quill to begin to write. "Huh… most people lose their shit and call a shit ton of nasty things"

He shrugged and looked down at the parchment and then at Kain for a moment “The old ones teach to be understanding of all, no one has a... clean past to say the least... Now let's start with the alphabet, the letters just by themselves, once you know those the rest will be easy.” Michael wrote down a clean and easy to read copy for Kain to follow, his penmanship was almost cursive like in its swirls.

Kain tried his damndest to copy them as best he could, becoming so intent in his mission that he ended up with his face inches from the page, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his tongue sticking out of his mouth. When he was done he pulled away from the page with a "ta-da!"

Michael nodded slightly as Kain finished writing and then looked over his work. “It works, and turns out better if you stay a decent way away, you want to be able to see what you're trying to write... And slow strokes, you're too jagged- never rush your words.... But a decent first try.”

Kains face turned a slight shade of red as Michael spoke, "uh- thanks..." he paused before adding "uh fuck you everything I do is awsome" which felt very much like an after thought.

"So uh like this?" He tried again slower but Mchael could see him struggling a little and if he looked closely he could see the scars and newer burn marks the covered Kains hand as he held the quill and attempted to write a smoother line of words.

He watched Kain write for a bit longer, rolling his eyes slightly at his comment before eventually sighing and pulled out a new piece of parchment and placed his hand over Kains to guide him through the writing exercises. “We don't use such language here, this is a place of worship and respect... And closer, but feel the moments of how each is written... Then try again on your own.”

Kain tried once more doing much better this time, while trying to ignore the feeling og Michales hand on his own as his face turns a darker shade of red untill his hand seeming violently cramps "Ah fuck!" he muttered under his breath in pain before looking at Michael rememering he had asked him not to swear, "ah shit sorry...oh wait fuck- Shit uh....I'm gonna shut up now"

Michael laughed softly at Kains embarrassment over his swearing but looked over his writing and nodded approvingly. “You're doing better, it simply takes practice and... a dedication of sorts.”

Kain nodded gently rubbing his palm, "I'm more used to messing around with mechanics then a pen and paper if I'm being honest "

“Yes, well... When stuck here in these walls for years until I was deemed... acceptable to leave, I had to find ways to entertain myself, which was with writing, with words…” A far away look filled his eyes for a moment before he shook his head. “My mother used to like to tinker with machines.”

"My mother liked to drink," he burst out because he has the social skills and grace of a sharp rock, he wasn't used to having to hold his tongue and more often than not said the first thing that came to his mind.

Michael turned his attention back towards Kain and there was a spark of laughter in his eyes, yet he still spoke seriously. “As most of the world does, yes, it's a... common over indulgence.”

"eh" he shrugged, "it's not healthy but uh, it's called an addiction for a reason" he laughed at his own dark joke.

He eyed Kain for a moment and then shook his head and gently patted Kain on the head before cleaning up the table, giving Kain a few blank papers and an extra quill and bottle of ink. “Indeed... And just in case you care to keep practising on your own.”

"Oh.. Uh thanks...I uh....I think I will practise," he nodded more to himself than to Michael.

Michael nodded as Kain accepted the papers and smiled softly. “Great... I understand it's not a skill you care for but it's helpful.”

Kain stand stood up once Michael was done cleaning up and grinned cheekily " I'll see you ‘round then pretty boy?"

A slight smile found its way to Michael's face, and so it a soft red hue as he nodded and led Kain back towards the doors of the cathedral. “Perhaps, only time will time.”

[mechwife]

this prolly has nothing to do with anything, but im just venting over something silly

It’s probably really dumb. But anyways i remember my family members showing me transformers (the original series) as a child and it terrified me.

i was terrified of men, especially angry men because i was regularly trapped and s*xually abused by a horrible angry, violent man.

So all i saw were a bunch of violent, angry men and it scared me. i remember soundwave being my first favorite because he seemed calm. This was my perspective as a small child, mind you

But yeah. i have a relative who was pretty into transformers. Collected figures and assumably the other iterations of the series as it progressed, which is well and fine

But he was always so mad at me? i guess i always said the wrong thing, thought the wrong thing, always had the wrong opinion on transformers. i remember always being scared of talking about it, my older relatives putting me in situations where they wanted my thoughts and opinions and it always ended with at least one adult mad at me.

i dunno, transformers was always a sore subject around him as i grew up. i just remember aging, and as i got older i pushed transformers further and further away from me and always felt incredibly uncomfortable about the franchise.

i guess now that im an adult and im working through my amnesia and remembering things like this from my childhood… im trying not to beat myself up and blame myself about it. I probably said dumb stuff and thought dumb stuff about the series, but i was probably not in any good condition to engage with the series to begin with. Not that that means being a little shit was right.

im trying to forgive myself. im trying to allow myself to have fun with it and feel like im “allowed” to be a fan of it. im no longer afraid of the series and its been bringing me a lot of fun and joy, particularly with my best friend and boyfriend.

idk. i guess im afraid of my two older relatives finding out i like transformers, and that i even like transformers YAOI. wow. How dare i— lmfao. It’s so fucking stupid.

ive been drawing and writing gay robots kissing for years and that doesn’t look like it’s gonna change anytime soon

i guess i feel unwelcome lmao. Not because of anyone online, just my family has made it always incredibly uncomfortable. But im an adult, not even a young adult anymore— i don’t need their permission or “blessing” to have fun and draw and write.

i dunno. This is all so dumb and i don’t know why im letting myself feel so anxious about it. It’s a bunch of silly robots doing silly things so it shouldn’t be that serious.

right?

[suiciderape]

totaltrash

we must discuss this gay ass shit bitch! the leader of the neptune planet she rejects? ew! still been the ghetto i see ew! shes upset obviously its the same person too so go home! potter! rejected nuns and fight for party infringement rights ok so? where are we? ur new house ew! hahaha i love my new house my phone sucks! no :( ok its good... even being here... wiggly what! i get it now i have a wiggly dick? no babe my phone lol im sorry who is this? kim deal ew! ur ghetto i love kim deal me too ok so who is this? desarae hollins ew ur baddie smells good! ew! ew! ew! rejected princess pretty pussy 6 is back do it again rejected princess prett6 pussy is back again no! ew! omg stop!! omg shes gonna see what tumblr did to us! omg no she doesnt care lol mhm :) scary gangsta? are u chris angel insider? no im not! oh lol well who is us? im us! omg! what does that mean? no more couple shopping trips to the local ghetto mall!! yay! what else? get a macbook pro today? or tomorrow? today! lol ur a baddie with a dick launcher! huh! oh uh huh! *gs* uh oh uh huh huh! *gs* 808s heartbreak *gs* lady macbeth lady macbeth lady macbeth oh! huh! *gun shot* gun shot! ah! ah! asian! oh asain! asian! ah!! asian oh!! asian lol its 808s heartbreak oh bob hehe mhm :) macdonalds angel? insider *gs* oh!! asian oh my god its asia oh!! *gs* mhm :) lol ur not even asian anyway daamn baby they died of lung disease cancers get bent! ew! yay! omg shes an angel! lol mhm :) macdonalds oh bob hehe waait!

yoon keeho

daddy that was mad awkward for the non asians! i know bitch daamn ok so where did we leave off? private school suicide pss ok so it didnt work? no it didnt why is that? u grounded me from making things look cute ok! so its not uppercapping? hell nah bitch u always right lmao ok so its ok to look bad? whaat the fuck bitch we were at get bent ok so go back to school ok no i didnt see it get away 5 dead dead! dead dead dead! dead! dead dead dead! dont boy 1234 donut boy dead! dead! dead dead! dead dead dead dead! see thats ok we like ur games did the bubble pop lava & knives no it didnt daddy ok! so go homee ok mhm :)

scary gangsta

omg bitch! shes in my house! omg noo where at? someone just said desarae! ew! omg ok so thats not u? hell nah bitch i got into the secret side of pintrest finally im ecstatic i really was ok! so go home! potter! weasely nah nigga but thats disgusting how did she know that this was ur house? im assuming u sold it? no i didnt! ita scary gangsta! ew ok! mt st helens bitch that was the wrong scary gangsta! omg who was it? the bad one that tried to fuck ur life up we got into his mental ward and locked him up for life! how did he see my account? he didnt! we let him see our phone not yours! right? yes! no hes been following u around all day as ur daddy yoon keeho hell nah bitch she is right! it waa our phone not hers! ok does she get it? hes never even met her! wait i didnt say we could move on! who is this? desarae hollins! u mean choi paranoid? yes! ok so go home! potter! ew! hey wait! omg her account is badaaa lets see some japanase architecture! ok! lol ur stupid it was the real scary gangsta the whole time! lol whaat? omg get bent

mt st helens

is this how u feel rn? well it wasnt until i saw the photograph stupid! does that mean u were there? no it doesnt daddy ew! lol ur stupid hahaha i know dudee ok so why is it all watery looking? the photograph? yes ok well did it go back into ur skin? ew! fuck u bitch no it did not ok hold on 808 heartbreak <3

suicide boys

sorry mt st helens brb? no!! lol tell her to stop texting my brother lol she is not texting him and he keeps blocking her twitter what year is it? 1921 what year is she in? 2023 omg what the fuck bitch! who is that? me apparently lol what the fuck bitch! ok

1989s suicide boys mission health goth

ew! lol suck a fuck bitch go home no homo training! did he call u back bitch? yes he did bitch! and he speaks chinese now! what the fuck bitch suck a fuck bitch nah she sent me more 808s heartbreak ew! fuck u bitch! lol ok sorry i love u ily 2! hey! whats ur bfs name? chris angel insider i thought it was electrumsol me tew bith! daamn ew! hahaha ew! hahaha ew! hahaha god daamn it thats what u meant? yes omg can lesarafim be the group at school with me? in south korea? where else? japan where else? thats it for now! ok australia! ew fine l8r byee go home and take this shit to sleep he loves u so fucking much! omg were in! can we stay the night now? whaat? of course bitch i love u always have always will! lol omg ur so much fun! lol u weirdo send tweet send tweet send tweet hollow tip - hoo ride attack

[sapphictigress]

Episode i forgot because its been a month

I was listening to teh cut animo & welles album while playing modded MC and my friend @cloudystrwbrry called me gay so i then decided to play some MCSM before i have to go to work

Im love you petra, i will willingly race you anytime

I love the DLC but surprisingly i think this episode is my least favorite?? idk maybe because its something infront of episode 7 which is my ABSOLUTE favorite episode of the DLC

also if thats episode 7 does that mean im playing episode 6? i didnt look at the number and yet i know the Redstone computer one is episode 7.....

I was accidentally nice to torquedawg u-u

"you've got.... a boyyss name......" farewell only youtuber i know not of

Okay but i do think it wouldve been fun if the Host was a Youtuber, wouldve made it very not obvious who the antagonist is because there is only ONE non youtuber a part of the cast

'MMm yes delicious im poisened now i huffed that arrow a little too good' thanks Ivor

The suspicious wink Jesse gives to sparkle pants like damn

When ever Petra speaks im just like Hello Ashley Johnson how are you doing today

also like, The host say the crew running via the window, how did they have time to make the portraits?????????????????????

I do feel bad for lucas this man just gets picked on for no reason

I love the dangangobnronpa portraits though lmao

If we stick together, the killer cant leave to kill somebody without it being obvious who to wittle down! just like- AMONG US (ive been watching Alpharad's mongy monday streams lately so i got the mogus on the brain)

These guys aint slick on private conversations *yelling* LIZZIE PSSSST LIZZIE

"Oh, was I" (upset about inventory poking) She said it so suspiciously like goddamn girl. The voice directing is actually so good for these lines she sounds so caught in her actions rn

WAIT IS THIS GAME WHERE I GOT CALLING SOMEONE PRICKLY FROM (subconsciously) BECAUSE I HAVE A RUDE COWORKER WHO GETS COMPLAINTS ALL THE TIME AND I may or may not have called them prickly to a customer..... this was like 2 months after knowing said coworker. Im much quieter about said opinions to customers now, mostly just apologize for it because nothing is ever going to change uwu (I do not want to work there anymore)

Im just over here gossiping with my friends about these strangers i met 5 minutes ago

Okay but 4 random strangers show up, your 'prickly' friend is dead and 3 of them gossip in a corner while one goes to each clique and asks questions?????? y'all just let this happen?????

Jesse: YO IT OPENS PORTALS!! i mean, just a lucky guess! Jesse you buffoon

Okay but Dan being bored and UBER CURIOUS about the button is hilarious tho

also gendered sentences are soooo stupid it just keeps your brain thinking about a mystery man but like,,, if you use they them for a person you know nothing about WOW your options get so much bigger! and also i feel like it kind of creates a twist where the cast is using he/him pronouns for a masked killer but BUM BUM the killer was a GIRL ALL ALONG!!! idk just seems cheep to me

also again letting Jesse / people from Jesse's crew mess with the crime scene??? like,, Let at least ONE person from the other group in there as a buffer! but i guess thats too logical for a story now isnt it

AND THEN IVOR AND PETRA NOT LETTING ANYONE IN LIKE GUYS IT MAKES Y'ALL LOOK SUSSY AS HELL

Also petra my beloved rushing into the room :333 (about 1 whole minute too late but you know she's doing her best)

Love how Cassie banked on someone having ADHD or just didnt plan to kill anyone yet

ACAB includes Jesse (Like DUDE you're making me mad >:|)

ACAB INCLUDES JESSE

Jesse youre being a bitch

PETRA IM JUST INTERROGATING THE MAN YOU DONT HAVE TO ROUGH HOUSE HIM WHADDA HELL

who let cassie out of their sight

who's working security in this bitch? cause Petra's hanging with me for the interrogation

(also how do i insure Lizzie stays alive? no offense to Dan im just a misandrist /s)

not me cheating and looking it up and realizing she might be doomed already... we'll see

okay but i do like the gag how every scene dan has a new hair color

I hate directional arrows... just dies because i was hitting up because it was forward but technically the arrow was pointing down, my brain cant function with stuff like that :((((

Ivor: I'll watch over lukas *Smacks his ass*

I love her your honor

I like i absolutely love all the small things about petra love knowing she whittles

-Work intermission-

-the next day- (I did in fact look that this is indeed Episode 6)

Cassie was just mining around the location of the portal after she found it and happened upon like 7 zombie spawners all next to eachother and was like Oh yeah.. Its all coming together >:)

Stampy: What are you doing down here?? Didnt we *Just* say we were going in to find cluess for the white pumpkin?? didnt we say that Petra?

Petra: That looks like a Lair door if i ever saw one That looks like a trap door if i ever saw one

"Its not your fault the spiders got him" OOPSIES I SENT HIMN THERE TO HIS DOOM ON POURPUS

okay but Cassie why do you have so many back up winslows??? not healthy!

Jesse i know youre a pig person but dont be rude

Okay yes actually it makes sense that Cassie isnt a youtuber cause she wasnt from this world but also like, think of the fun of a proper twist!

also damn Cassie got them screenshot abilities

"they're all about portals, thats pretty obsessive" YOU'D BE TOO IF YOU COULDNT FIND SHIT TO GET OUT TOO JESSE

OLD FISH TEXTURE MY BELOVED

I dont love you anymore Petra (/s They could Never make me hate you)

Get Danmganronpad Idiot, thats what you get for not liking cats >:(

Honestly surprised Lizzie did all this research that Cassie apparently couldnt do? like you'd think Cassie would've had her hands on those tomes

Girl you're not mentally well

She was doing ye olde pufferfish to calm her nerves

"its not your fault" Dans death was. oopsies!

Remember when endermites were just purple silverfish? i do now!

the smile makes it everything

Also the sand falling into the mite pit just means that Cassie can escape AND I ACTUALLY REMEMBER THE VERY END OF SEASON 2 WHERE I THINK IF YOU STAY IN TOWN SHE SENDS YOU OMINOUS MAIL LMAO

nvm the sand is gone now

A. Winslow doesnt deserve endermite damnation B. nobody is a master of a cat C. you dont deserve an animal companion if you call yourself a "Master"

MINECRAFT SALMON WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???!

"Advent~ure~" Ivor you silly silly man

[the-tired-tenor]

My live reactions to the Anti-Woke games list

TL;DR: go buy Ikenfell, Tactical Breach Wizards, Subnautica or Celeste!

For those of you not chronically online (lol you're on Tumblr, who am I kidding), a group has recently released a list of games containing "woke" themes. Obviously, I'm gonna link to it and suggest you buy one of the games in red, but here's my live reactions for you to enjoy under the cut. I swear to g-d these incels have the thinnest skin known to man or beast:

Bloons?? The fucking monkey balloon popping game???????? How… what. What even.

Hogwarts legacy is WILD given JKs descent into madness

Oh man I gotta reply Subnautica again, that game slaps

LMAO From Software stay winning, Miyazaki says this foot fetish is rated E for everyone

Cassette Beasts is completely unsurprising.

Wait, Cloth Hollow Knight was a lesbian?????? Where did that get revealed???? I love her?!

LMAO at Portal 2, these are truly the softest little boys imaginable

I don't think I've ever seen a straight Stardew fan; I can't believe it's not red

STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT IS INSANE LMAO????? Guess it's woke to acknowledge that women play video games

Hardspace Shipbreaker mention eyyyyy

LMAO at Spider Man MM. Once again, the thinnest skin imaginable

Yeah, completely unsurprised to see Celeste here. You go girl

DREAM DADDY MY BELOVED LMAO. My only contact with this particular piece of media is Arin promoting it in a Starbomb album

I don't know what “Hustle Cat” is, but I feel a need to find out

You're telling me a game called “Super Lesbian Animal RPG” exists and is woke? I'm shocked, truly

AMOGUS

How is The Outer Worlds not red? Did they miss the whole anti-capitalist theme of the game?? They're not just thin-skinned, they're also stupid (not shocking).

Ditto Armored Core VI; I guess it's missable but like you kinda have to try

Outer Wilds my beloved, I forgot that literally everyone all the hearthians were NBs

Wouldn't have expected a game called “Super Punchy Face” to be woke, but good for them

IKENFELL MY BELOVED. Yeah this game is queer as hell, it's also super indie so I'm glad they didn't miss it.

Yeah obviously vampires are gay. Come on now.

Huh, I hadn't considered No Man's Sky, but yeah I guess? Lol.

Every RPG is woke, shocking. I'm so surprised.

Again, could not be LESS surprised by Stephen Universe.

For one beautiful, shining moment, I forgot that Apex existed.

More gay vampires yeehaw

Age of Empires DE??? Wow.

LMAO do NOT come for Tales of the Shire like that and get your information wrong you dumb fucks; Tolkien LITERALLY described one of the races of hobbits as having brown skin. The lack of literacy is ASTOUNDING.

KOTOR stay winning

UNEXPLAINED DIVERSITY for No Rest for the Wicked, an early access game we know little about the lore of??? I'm deceased LMFAO

Ninja Pizza Girl sounds rad as fuck

Wartales is kinda wild ngl

NOT THE KFC DATING SIM IM DEADDDDD

Overcooked on the list???? For a disabled raccoon????????

Wingspan is insane lol

Another Crabs Treasure mentioned RAAAA

Oh shit Wizard with a Gun is woke? I'm gonna need to buy that

They missed Tactical Breach Wizards. Shame.

And the list: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1AVTZPJij5PQmlWAkYdDahBrxDiwqWMGsWEcEnpdKTa4/htmlview?pli=1#