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theresa-of-liechtenstein · 2 years ago

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art by em year in review!

Not the greatest year by far, but I made it to the end, so let's celebrate! For the third time ever, I present to you my reflections under the readmore (this year, linking back to where they were posted so if you want to see them in situ, you can!)

January: "the nearness of you"

started the year off strong with my favorite femslash pairing of women that never met in canon. this piece really rode the wave of progress i made in the latter half of 2021, when i made a custom brush for lineart in sketchbook and watched my quality go up in response. compared to this time a year previously, the color of my lineart looks way more natural than before. it's a solid piece of work and i still like it very much overall.

something i will say though is that at the time, i was really struggling with skin color, particularly on theresa: you could even see this in last year's retrospective, especially when put next to linda. however, instead of actually addressing the issue at its core i just slapped a warm overlay on top, which was the drawing equivalent of slapping a band-aid (plaster?) over a gash and hoping that would fix things. (spoiler alert: it didn't.)

February: "ain't shit"

in all my retrospectives, there’s at least one which i like the least. for this year’s, this one has to be it. i really adore the concept i was going for, which was f1!au bobsled. f1!au bobsled is kind of an exploration into the ship having a darker side, which i kind of thought was missing from the wider scale of interpretations. so putting them in a position that slightly equalized them gave me the ability to explore that darker side.

anyway, background aside, the concept was something i clearly visualized but didn’t quite get on paper the way i wanted to. this was a case where i should’ve realized that things like warm ups and preliminary drafts are really helpful for pieces that have a clear vision but have a large scale, like this one. otherwise this concept is still super appealing to me and i’d draw it again!

March/April: unposted, "the transcendent third"

this detail section is part of the mock cover i made for a webcomic that i never followed through with, which was supposed to fictionalize my time and misadventures in a lab i was taking for credit. i enjoyed this work as a study on foreshortening (though i can't show the whole foreshortening thing without showing off other details i don't want visible, so you'll just have to take my word for it.)

though the transcendent third never came to fruition, it directly inspired another work i was, in fact, able to complete later in the year. you can probably guess what that work was.

i was extremely busy this time of year, so i didn't draw much.

May: "reunion"

this one i honestly forgot about because i wasn’t a fan of it when i finished. again, i really could have benefited from warming up since i was so out of practice at the time! i suppose that’s the big takeaway from this year 😅

June pt. 1: "circular story"

some progress, corresponding—no surprises here—with the end of the academic year. after years of using the same (very off) coloring for theresa's skin, i finally bit the bullet and twiddled with it, and what a difference it makes (at least to me!). next to herc and douglas and especially linda, she looks more natural, which makes the overall thing more cohesive.

fun bit of trivia is that the positions are meaningful. something that i (tried to) communicate in the f1 AU is the gray areas. who's in control here, really? who is fulfilling what? who is using who? herc and douglas both look to their left toward the women, reminiscent of the chain of authority in aircraft ('when you're a first officer you look to the left and see your captain. when you're a captain you look to the left and see your reflection...'). yet theresa and linda look not back at them, but up at each other. it's an interplay that had meaning and im not sure if anyone else picked it up but it was intentional.

June pt. 2: "Portugal, 1982"

oh hello motorsport fanart featuring ladies from the eighties that only me and like five other people on this webbed site care about. this year was the fortieth anniversary of michèle mouton and fabrizia pons's historic title campaign in the world rally championship, and i wanted to draw things for the three wins that helped them nearly clinch it. but of course (as is the refrain for basically everything art-related this year) since real life was a bitch about it, i was only able to draw something for portugal, which was inspired by actual footage. it's linked in the post if you're interested, CW for camera flashes.

this is a return to the "ghibli style" i tried out last year, and i still think it's adorable. i actually did most of it in procreate, which was less hellish than i remembered it being, and it was a good thing i got a little bit of practice in it, for reasons that will be clear in a few paragraphs.

July: Martin Crieff sheet, aka: if you can't remember how to draw him, redesign him!

look at this martin, then look at february's martin, then look at this martin again. doesn't he look so much better? an earnest young man, that is! he's not ginger but he dyes.

one of my favorite warm-ups/doodles to do is the good old ID picture (facing straight on, neutral expression. simple way to get things under my pencil before attempting something bigger), and this is supposed to be martin's fitton airfield ID card.

this was actually a warm-up for next month's piece...

August: "geyser"

i have a complex relationship with this work. i'd been plotting it and drafting it since at least 2020 and wanted to employ the lessons i had learned from march/april's experiment in foreshortening. i also wanted to draw something that connected martin and mitski's "geyser," the author's purpose and message of which is, i think, integral to understanding martin's character. because flying is like art and art is like flying and you will do anything for your passions even if it means losing you, but 'you' will never be lost because you work and try and fail and work and try and fail in the hopes that your passions will be 'you' and 'you' can be your passions and it's a wheel with no end, isn't it?

anyway i had to do most of this in procreate because for some reason, sketchbook started glitching and bugging on me and i couldn't figure out what was going on. i wanted to depict both martin's aspiration to the sky as well as martin's sheer smallness in comparison to his ambition, which is why i went for the whole foreshortening idea. it's not really that well depicted but the airplane casting a shadow over martin as he stands on tarmac is kind of a representation of his ambition's dominance over him...and then i went and overlaid lyrics to "geyser" over that as if i hadn't pushed the point enough.

i like this piece well enough (and it seems many people did, it's one of the ones that did best notes-wise) but i can't help but feel a lingering disappointment. this is something i’d like to try and re-draw in the future!

September: "before/after turbulence"

this was inspired by a norwegian air pilot's instagram post poking fun at herself for attempting to drink her coffee while they happened to be passing near thunderheads. it was just a funny little image that got more attention than i thought it would (effort vs attention inverse relationship lol) and possibly the most out-of-pocket reblog addition i've ever had on my work. anyways. woteva pt. 2. it was cute and fun to delve into the whole skrunkly style i had going on. i still don't fully understand procreate brush sizes tho.

October: "to take a photograph, and live inside"

sketchbook finally started cooperating with me at this point so i made a triumphant return to it for this piece.

this is so cute and i still love it! this came about after i thought about the characters' heights relative to each other, so more than anything this was a way for me to visualize the height comparison. also i wanted the soft-shoe-shuffle family together with their lesbian sidekick. and i think it's cute. i especially adore how i drew carolyn and i think this is where i permanently decided my herc shipwright is a glasses wearer.

November: "Donne, donne, eterni Dei"

aaauuuugh i love them waaahhh!

anyway i finally gave the mjn crew new uniforms (idk what i was on with that faded blue, nobody wears faded blue uniforms and it just looked washed-out). i am particularly proud of theresa's pose. i think i also posted a little bit about how i've gotten better with poses and anatomy since i started doing fanart seriously. and the secret? actually look back and reference your anatomy notes from high school. and lots of absurd selfies. and stock photos.

December: "the fruit left on my sheets"

after an admittedly up and down year, i finished it off super strong with this piece (which took so long to conceptualize but when i did…) neither of them look really off, which i'm proud of. sketch and lineart were both done in sketchbook, while the coloring and background were done in procreate. the coloring features some overlay work, but i think the star of this, more than the meaning i imbued into their poses and choice of attire, is the background. i might use that technique again because i really liked how it turned out.

Conclusion and 2023 Goals

i think my biggest goal moving into 2023 is to gain more confidence using procreate. one of my takeaways from this year was how powerful a program it is, and i think it is worth my time and energy getting to know and understand it, since i already have it. sketchbook will always be my first love in terms of drawing programs, since it was free, it was my first, and getting to understand it in early 2020 unlocked the door for me to not be shy to share my art online. but there are some things i turn to procreate for, like being able to blur in different ways! so i do want to balance what i use between those two programs.

additionally, i’m making an effort now to alt text all my art. i was lazy about it before, which is kind of dumb as i’m literally vision impaired myself so like. what was i waiting for lol. but better late than never!

last of all, my sincere thanks to all of you who've liked or reblogged a post i did, for engaging with my fanart, however unusual my subject matter (clears throat. the linda fairbairn extended universe, therlinda, the f1!au…shall i go on?) might be. cabin pressure really is an integral part of the person i've grown to become and am choosing to grow to be, and it genuinely brings me joy to explore its characters and relationships in all sorts of ways. this is one of my favorite hobbies and i appreciate all of you who are in it with me. when i’m down, i reread people’s tags because it genuinely means so much that other people like what i make. so, thank you.

#em draws #em retrospects #art by em year in review

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 2 years ago

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so like. gotta preface this by saying that i DONT ship steddyhands. but ages and ages there were a whole buncha posts (proabably more than those three) where i jokingly whined abt how all the steddyhands content i see gets stede's characterization wrong. and out of silly, petty, joking, well-meaning spite over a harmless fandom disagreement i was like "im going to write my own summary of a steddyhands fic of how it SHOULD go." but then bc i do not like izzy and i do not care about this ship i forgot about it for a long ass time. but i was clearing out my drafts and slapped a few more paragraphs onto it and now here's this fucking monster

this is by no means a completed fic. but by god is it way longer than any fucking summary should be. like it's literally 5k. this is a 5k summary of what would probably be like a 100k fic. someone kill me

———

so for starters, this would have to be THE SLOWEST of burns (and there's no way i'd put that much time and effort into a fic for a ship i don't even like, so that's why this post is all i'm gonna write). izzy has to go through so much change before stede would even think about izzy as anything more than "that asshole that ed keeps around for some reason" (and also before im comfortable with ed being vulnerable around izzy haha "i shouldve let the english kill you" conversation my detested)

izzy would have been in love with ed since they met (but he doesn't know it). he doesn't even let himself admit he's attracted to him. ed always knew that izzy was interested, but he didn't want to be wanted the way izzy wanted him (he's not gonna be izzy's daddy dom, basically). stede and the gang have stolen a new ship and have been chasing them down. meanwhile, the vibe on the Revenge has been mostly just... sad. not gratuitously violent or a living nightmare. they do raids and stuff, but everyone still surrenders at the sight of blackbeard's flag and ed is bored. he sits in his room either crying or drinking. the rest of the crew do normal boat stuff. izzy is like... aware that the energy is low. but he has no idea what to do about it so he pretends everything is fine.

so the story starts at the reunion. stede and his gang finally catch up to the Revenge while ed and his crew are getting their asses handed to them by some european navy ship, the french or spanish or something idc. stede's crew is able to turn the tide of the battle. in the middle of all the chaos, stede and izzy run into each other. stede demands to know where ed is, izzy says ed doesn't want to see him. they fight, both physically and verbally. lotta insults are thrown on both sides while they wave swords at each other. at some point they have their swords crossed and faces close, glaring and growling homoerotically at each other, but then they hear ed shout in pain. he gets shot or stabbed or something, and instantly izzy and stede are both working in sync together to save him. stede uses his new sailor muscles to carry ed while izzy clears a path to get back to the Revenge. ed, barely holding onto consciousness and delirious from blood loss, sees stede for the first time and is like, "you came back..." stede, of course, replies, "never left." ed laughs and calls him a liar. izzy is dying inside.

they get ed and everyone else back onto the Revenge, the crew reunites, lucius is alive, roach stabilizes ed's condition.

while ed is unconscious (which lasts like 2 or 3 days), it's unclear who is running the ship. izzy is ed's first mate, but stede's crew outnumbers ed's. the crew tries really hard to get stede to just throw izzy overboard, but jim (who's struck a weird friendship with izzy since the marooning where all they do is practice fighting and never talk abt their feelings ever), is like, "ed might be mad if he wakes up and we killed his first mate." and stede (even though it's clear that he also kind of wants to throw izzy overboard), is like, "ugh, i suppose jim is right... and he did help me save ed. let's wait for ed to wake up first before we make any rash decisions."

so izzy, realizing how precarious his situation is on the ship (and realizing that if ed wakes up and wants nothing to do with him, he's doomed), starts acting like a cornered rat, hissing and spitting at everyone all the time (except for jim, who keeps training with izzy in stoic silence). he's especially harsh to stede, talking abt how much ed doesn't want to see his face and insulting stede's masculinity and trying to get stede to leave before ed wakes up. stede snaps back a little bit, but mostly he just rolls his eyes and ignores him bc he's just focused on worrying abt ed. stede spends the nights sleeping in a chair next to ed. izzy tries to sneak into the cabin at night to kill stede at some point, but jim stops him and reminds him that everyone is just looking for an excuse to chuck him overboard

when ed wakes up, he and stede kiss and make up. stede initiates family therapy where the whole crew and ed air out their feelings about the marooning and have a heart to heart. touching dialogue is had. izzy is in the corner glaring and scowling and also freaking the fuck out the whole time, but he doesn't say anything. eventually the crew heads out to go. do pirate stuff idk. and then ed asks for stede and izzy to stay for a second.

he thanks izzy for saving him, then he's like, "listen izzy, we both know that this hardly the first time you've saved my life. you and i go way back. we were good mates once. do you think we could be mates again?" and izzy, through gritted teeth, watching stede out of the corner of his eye, is like. sure, boss. whatever you say. and ed is like "i want you two to get along. you're both important to me," and stede and izzy (glaring daggers at each other) are like. okay.

then ed is like "okay now just izzy alone" and stede is like "are you sure?" but eventually ed gets him to leave. and then ed gets more serious and he's like "izzy. if you kill stede. you will never see me again" and izzy is like "youre not gonna feed me more toes?"

and ed is like "no. i will leave you at the next dock. and then i will burn the whole world down. i will bring hellfire straight to london and wage war on that shithole of a country. i'll slaughter every naval soldier who tries to cut me down. and when im finally overrun, i will go down in a blaze of glory so spectacular that they'll tell stories of it for years to come, until the sun burns out at the end of the world. and you will have no part in it. you will be stuck on some tiny island here on the other side of the world and nobody will know or care who you are. that's what's going to happen if you do anything to stede."

izzy is shaking. he's like. alright. anything else? and ed's like "yeah. i'm sorry about your toe. won't happen again." and that actually makes izzy almost cry. that there's nothing he can do to make ed look at him like that again, all attention on him, putting him in his place. there's nothing he can take from ed to make ed pay attention to him. if he wants to be close to ed, he has to give something to him. something less tangible than his own toe.

(and izzy thinks what he gives to ed is his sword and his undying loyalty to his captain, to blackbeard. he doesn't understand, just yet, that ed already has a sword, and that ed doesn't want loyalty to blackbeard. izzy doesn't get that giving ed a break is more than enough for ed to want to keep anyone around)

so yeah. this threat works. izzy gives up on trying to kill stede.

so ed is still in recovery for like a month. he's not able to move around a lot, so he's just kinda lounging around the Revenge being grossly in love with stede. he's always in a robe + leather pants combo, tits out and vibing. the crew raids some ships, including a naval vessel that was caught off guard. ed doesn't go on the raids, obviously, and stede stays behind with him, and the rest of the crew members don't trust izzy enough to let him join them. the crew pull off a bunch of weird fuckeries and have some very successful raids, but every time they come back with furniture and books and fabric and stuff, izzy rolls his eyes and grumbles some shit about "real pirating."

during all of this, izzy keeps trying to get ed alone. his new strategy is to try and be buddy-buddy with ed and peer pressuring him into tough masculine pirate violence (which always worked for jack whenever he came around), and also just hope ed gets bored of stede. but stede is like, at ed's side 24/7. the only time that ed is alone is when he's taking naps in the captain's cabin (bc again, he's recovering from Ambiguous Wound With Vague And Innaccurate Medical Properties), and stede literally makes ppl guard the door to let ed sleep. when izzy runs into stede alone, stede tries to initiate friendly conversation for ed's sake, but eventually izzy says some shit like, "i've been by ed's side for years before you, and i'll be by his side for years after. he'll get bored of you, eventually." and also he insults stede's masculinity a bunch, obvi. stede just sighs and is like, "well, i tried," and then he just gives izzy the cold shoulder from then on out

one of the nights when he's training with jim, izzy just keeps getting his ass handed to him and eventually jim is like "goddamn, i get your heart is broken but you're really sloppy tonight" and izzy is like. WHAT. how dare you. i don't have feelings. and jim is like "buddy you haven't slept in a week." and izzy's like "how can i sleep when everyone on this fucking ship wants to kill me!" and jim's like, "i don't want to kill you." izzy rolls his eyes but he's like "thanks," then jim's like "yknow, if you stopped being such a dick they'd probably stop wanting to kill you" and izzy is like "oh so i should just do what all you guys do? sit around braiding each other's hair and having group therapy sessions and spilling my guts to everyone while i'm all wrapped up in a silk gown?" and jim is like. "buddy, do you see me spilling my guts in group therapy or wearing a silk gown?" and izzy's like, "okay, but you're not like the rest of them." and jim's like "you're right, i'm not. just like lucius isn't like the rest of them. or how the swede isn't like the rest of them. or fang, or ivan, or frenchie, or anyone else on this ship. we're all different people, man. we don't have a problem with differences. we have a problem with people who do have a problem with differences." izzy is like "the fuck does that mean." jim is like "yeah, i can tell you're gonna have a hard time wrapping your head around that one, so im just gonna go to bed now. same time tomorrow?"

the next night, ed doesn't come up with stede to listen to the bedtime story. while stede is distracted, izzy sneaks downstairs to finally talk to ed alone. ed is like. trying to prepare some kind of horny surprise for stede (lingerie, probably. something that's kinda feminine), so we get that avatar scene where zuko goes to talk to sokka and sokka thinks suki is the one who entered the tent (only ed is like, almost entirely naked and in the middle of prepping himself), and ed greets izzy like, "oh babe, you're back early! i was going to surprise you, but you can come here and help me finish getting ready~" or some shit idk. izzy is incapable of human speech for several seconds, and when ed realizes that this is not stede he very nearly dies of embarrassment. he covers himself up while izzy is just. choking on air. overcome with rage/lust/jealousy at the sight. he stands behind a chair to hide his absolutely raging boner

when ed's got one of stede's robes on he's like. haha. heyyyy buddy. haven't seen you around much. how have things been? and izzy is like. things have been great. super. im trapped on a boat full of people that want to kill me. ed is like, oh no, they're still going on about the killing you thing? maybe we should have stede mediate another group therapy session, i know laying everything out in the open really helped me get—

and izzy cuts him off like "how the fuck are you falling for this?" ed is like. "?" izzy continues, "you're letting everyone see you at your weakest! they're going to kill you!" ed is like ok they could've done that literally at any point while i was feverish in bed. or at any point since then, really, i'm not exactly at the top of my game right now. izzy's like, "they're gonna turn you in for a bounty!" ed is like bro they literally had the opportunity when we raided that british naval ship two days ago. izzy just starts working himself up into a frenzy while ed is like, calmly pointing out where izzy's logic is flawed, until eventually izzy says some demeaning shit about ed's masculinity, and ed's face cracks for a moment, then suddenly stede (back from storytime) literally APPEARS FROM NOWHERE and just. DECKS izzy. wrecks the little man's ENTIRE shit. breaks his fucking nose.

izzy is like. in shock. so is ed actually. (both of them are also. very turned on.) and stede is like "i've let you say this shit about me. but you do not get to say that shit to ed" (but like, better written and more in character, lol). stede then gives a whole speech where he is just letting out every bottled up response to all of izzy's insults for the past few weeks, talking abt "how dare you speak to ed that way, the only reason you're alive is because ed somehow still has fondness for you, even though you've done nothing to earn that fondness. if you really knew ed as well as you say you do, you should be happy to see ed opening up and becoming more comfortable with himself and his crew. ed enjoying fine things doesn't make him less of a pirate, he's still just as much the brilliant sailor he's always been. even now, while ed is recovering from his wound, he's been helping the crew read the weather and predict storms and plan raids, and all you've been doing is sulking around and making everyone miserable! i'm not going to have my men kill you, izzy, because ed still, for some reason, cares about you, but if you don't stop being such a prick, you can get the fuck off my ship the next time we head to port. now if you'd kindly fuck the hell off, im going to make love to my co-captain, who looks really good in that lingerie."

izzy leaves. is having a hard time having coherent thoughts. by chance he runs into jim, who's like, "hope you're ready to put up a better fight than you did last ni-hooooly shit what happened to your face?" and izzy is like. what? and jim's like "bro im getting roach stay here." and izzy just sits in the rec room (or wherever they are) until jim comes back with a very sleepy-looking roach, who takes one look at izzy's face and bursts out laughing. that's enough to get izzy to stop staring blankly, and he tries to snarl at roach, except that when he moves his face it hurts like fucking hell. and roach is like, "alright, alright, hoo boy! wish i could've seen whatever caused this." then he's like, "so i need to pop your nose back into place. it's gonna hurt like hell though, so i should probably go get some laudanum–" and izzy's like "no it's fine just do it." and jim's eyebrows raise and roach is like, "uh... are you sure?" and izzy's like "just fucking do it!"

so roach does and izzy screams through gritted teeth. then roach cleans his nose with rum or something, bandages it, gives izzy the rest of the booze, and goes back to bed, leaving jim and izzy there alone. izzy starts drinking. jim sits next to him and holds their hand out for the bottle, and then the two of them just drink in silence until the bottle is gone. then they go to bed without saying anything.

then izzy proceeds to have The Most Confusing Wet Dream Of His Entire Goddamn Life. he keeps seeing ed in lingerie, stede's face twisted in righteous anger, random flashes of stede fucking ed, izzy fucking ed in the lingerie, izzy wearing the lingerie and getting fucked by stede, izzy calling stede daddy, stede and ed fully clothed asking izzy to talk about his feelings, stede slapping izzy and spitting into his mouth.

izzy wakes up with the worst case of morning wood he's ever had in his life. he proceeds to have a very frantic masturbation session. as he's laying there afterwards, he keeps thinking abt ed in lingerie and stede breaking his nose. and he absolutely cannot wrap his head around the fact that ed bottoms. this is also the first time izzy's ever consciously thought about having sex with ed. he's literally been so repressed that for years he would just jack off to like, remembering the smell of booze in ed's beard or some pathetic shit like that. he'd think about, like, fighting with ed and getting pinned down and being totally at ed's mercy. but now when he thinks of those old fantasies, instead of ed pinning him down, it's stede?????

izzy stays in bed the whole day. nobody comes to check on him. he hears the sound of the crew going about their day, stede's voice calling out commands on the deck. he jerks off again at some point in the afternoon. night falls. he can't make out the words, but he can tell from the cadence of stede's voice at what point he starts reading to the crew, and at what point they all go to sleep. he waits for ten more minutes to pass, then he heads to the galley to get food.

jim is waiting literally right outside his door. izzy is not spooked at all (this is a lie).

jim's like "hey man, we never got to spar last night. let's go." izzy's like, "i haven't eaten anything all day." and jim's like, "so you're saying you can't take me?" and izzy snorts and follows them to go practice murdering people

jim very much goes easy on izzy, but izzy is too hungry and tired and confused (and horny) to care. they fight or whatever, jim wins every round, then they're like "man im starving, let's get a snack." the two of them go get food. after a while, jim's like, "so, what'd you say to piss stede off so bad?" and izzy's like, "how did you know it was him?" and jim laughs and says, "the knuckles on his right hand were bandaged up today, and he didn't seem too worried about you spending all day hiding in your room."

izzy takes a long drink and doesn't respond for a while. then he says, "you're dating the guy with the hat, right?" jim's like, "i'm the guy with the hat." and izzy's like, "you're a guy?" and jim goes, "ehh..." and tilts their hand side to side. izzy, deciding to move on, is like, "i mean the one with the orange hat. and the blue earring." and jim's like, "it's teal." izzy's like, "whatever." and jim's like, "yeah, we're dating. why?" izzy takes a minute before asking, "what do you like about him?" and jim is jokingly like, "dude, the whole reason i hang out with you is so i don't have to talk about feelings" and izzy, instead of laughing with them like he usually would, just kinda snaps, "would you just answer the question?" jim looks at his face for a long moment, assessing, then says, "i like that olu's kind. he cares about people so easily, i don't know how he does it. he's patient with me, even when i'm being difficult. he tells me when he's upset, but not in a mean way, just in a, like, 'i don't want to be mad at you, help me fix this' way. he can be really clingy sometimes, but he'll hold himself back if i ever need space. he just... accepts me. all of me. even the parts i don't accept."

and izzy is like. staring into space. and after a second jim says, "also he does this thing with his tongue where he–" and izzy is like "OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH THANKS." jim laughs at him a little bit. and after another long pause izzy's like, "you know they almost made him captain?" and jim smirks and is like, "yeah, i heard about that. when they almost threw you overboard?" and izzy's like "yeah. then." and jim says, "yeah, i'm not really surprised. like i said, he's good at caring for people. he'd make a pretty good captain." and izzy's like, "are you mad that he's not captain?" and jim shrugs and is like, "eh, i'm not one for politics." but izzy presses, like, "but he'd be in charge of the whole ship. he'd be the one telling everyone what to do. he'd have all the power here!" and jim's like, "hey man, i don't really give two shits about 'power.' im just trying to get by in this world. all i want is to hang out with my partner, throw knives at stuff, and sometimes watch my crew put on talent shows." and izzy, getting kind of frustrated, is like, "but doesn't it bother you that he's weak?"

before izzy realizes, jim has a knife against his throat and is glaring directly into his eyes. "i let you say a lot of shit to me, pendejo," they growl, "i let you talk shit about this crew, about my captain, about how none of my friends are real pirates. but you do not get to tell me that olu is weak." izzy's eyes are wide at first, but when jim finishes, he snorts and says, "look, he's not as bad as lucius or stede-" but jim cuts him off. "there's more to strength than having power," jim says. "there's more to being strong than just making everyone afraid of you. and whatever it is that you think makes stede and lucius weak" and izzy is like "i fucking knew you'd turn on me too. now everyone on this stupid fucking ship wants to kill me" and jim just gives him the flattest, most unimpressed look before just walking away. they say "get over yourself, izzy" as they go.

izzy goes to bed. has another wet dream. and when he wakes up he's like. fine. fucking fine. i'll try and find some way to live on this stupid fucking clown ship full of shitty pirates.

he apologizes to jim. jim just stares blankly and walks away, but then later is like "we're gonna spar tonight, right?" so izzy knows he's forgiven. he gives the most uncomfortable, gritted apology of his life to stede, and stede's like "oh, it's not me you need to apologize to. go speak to my co-captain." so izzy goes to the captain's cabin and ed is in his usual leathers and izzy is like. trying so hard to make himself apologize but he can't get the words out and eventually ed's like "it's fine, mate. i'll tell stede you apologized, okay?" and izzy's like. alright. thanks. and ed's like "you did kind of have a point, about if the crew wanted to mutiny" and izzy perks up like yes we're going to start running this ship the way real pirates do but then ed is like "yeah, stede wouldn't stand a chance. im still recovering, can you give stede sword lessons for me?"

izzy. does not want to give stede sword lessons. but ed's like "alright i guess i'll tell stede you didn't really apologize and you can get off at the next port. or you can just apologize for real." and izzy really has to think about it but eventually he's like. fine. i'll train your stupid fucking boyfriend.

ed watches for the first half hour of their first training session but someone's gotta captain the ship so from then on out it's just stede and izzy sword fighting in the jam room for a couple hours a day. this leads to angry sexual tension that builds and builds until they angrily make out. and stede is like freaked out bc he loves ed and he would never be unfaithful so he of course goes to ed and tells him about it thinking ed is gonna be heartbroken. but ed is like "i mean, it doesnt really sound like you want the same thing with him tho?" and i guess ed is like "wait if you top izzy i think that'd be kinda funny actually. also that sounds pretty hot. do you wanna top izzy? can i watch?"

so next time they do sword fighting practice ed watches and it escalates to horny shit and then when izzy's like trying really hard to hide his boner, stede is like "what do you say, darling?" and ed is like "pop the question, babe." and then they ask izzy if he'd be okay with stede fucking him while ed watches. izzy tries to bluster his way out of it but then ed is like "damn, was looking forward to it" and izzy is like. ok. fucking. fine.

and then it's really hot and everyone's into it. izzy hates that he's into it but for several days he keeps coming back for more (he tells himself he's only doing it bc it's the only time ed pays any attention to him but like... it's not just that). they do that for like a week or a week and a half. ed gives commentary the whole time, mostly just talking about how hot stede looks. the most he ever says about izzy is stuff like "yeah izzy doesnt he feel so good stretching you out" or whatever

until one day while stede's fucking izzy ed says some shit about "who's the namby pamby now?" and then stede freezes and is like. ed. did izzy say that to you? and ed is like uhhhhhhhhhh maybe? and then stede pulls out of izzy and is like "get the fuck away from him" and izzy (who was having a fantastic time) is like "daddy no" and stede is like "i am not joking get the FUCK out"

and idk. ed tells stede about izzy threatening to kill him while he was heartbroken over stede. and stede is SO fucking mad. maybe stede didnt even know abt the robe era he just thought ed came back to the revenge and went full kraken right away. and this actually makes stede feel more guilty abt leaving bc the thought of ed crying in a blanket fort and eating all his marmalade because he hurt him is even worse than thinking ed just got angry and painted his face. and the fact that izzy said that shit to ed while he was heartbroken like that makes stede SO fucking angry.

and then stede's anger makes ed realize that actually that was really fucked up and he actually finally tells stede about the toe thing and stede is like "i wouldve done the same!!" and they cry together. and then stede and ed dont talk to izzy for weeks and ed starts to emotionally heal from all that. he had stopped wearing stede's robes after the night izzy walked in on him fingering himself but he starts wearing them again. and then he starts actually trying to form a cohesive Look and they steal fancy clothes for ed now and stede pampers ed and takes care of him and ed gets to relax and not worry about people depending on him or on how people perceive him. and he and stede together get to be more confident in themselves than theyve felt in forever

and in the meantime i guess izzy just starts acting like a normal crew member and he very much hates it and the crew is very much giving him shit (someone makes him swab the deck through the entire night) and he wants to be mean to them so fucking bad but like, he knows one wrong move and he's off the boat forever and he doesn't want that. so idk i guess eventually the crew lays off him and invites him to sit and drink with them and stuff. izzy doesn't really get any of them, but jim will sit down next to him and drink next to him and izzy decides that actually maybe this crew isn't entirely useless. they still get on his nerves tho

then one night crew is also like "so uh... why are the captains not fucking you anymore" and izzy's like "YOU KNEW??" and theyre like "buddy you were SO loud. we all heard you call stede daddy" and izzy actually almost has a panic attack but idk someone (lucius?) is like "dude nobody is judging you. it's okay."

and izzy realizes theyre right. nobody is judging him. they want gossipy details but they don't actually care. and that's a big "oh" moment, that he could do things the wrong way (get fucked by someone less masculine than him, maybe even talk about his feelings) and these people wont judge him for it. so izzy gives them a very censored version that basically boils down to "they remembered what an asshole i am and they want nothing to do with me. and they're right"

and uhhhh maybe izzy and lucius hook up too. and then izzy starts crying after and lucius is like "oh god what's wrong" and izzy's like "i miss them. i miss ed. i miss bonnet. why the fuck do i miss bonnet??" and lucius is like "aww did izzy the spewer catch feelings?" and izzy's like "fuck. fuck. i fucking did jesus fuck." he also admits to himself finally that he's been in love with ed for years. (the feelings izzy thinks he has for stede are just His Cock Feels Really Good In My Ass)

and. idk. i guess weeks after all this character development has happened for ed and izzy and stede, izzy jumps in front of a bullet for stede. which leads to stede and ed both thanking him when he wakes up. which leads to izzy apologizing to ed and being like "you dont have to forgive me." and i dont think ed totally accepts the apology but he and stede do start talking to izzy again. ed more than stede maybe. i think stede is a huge prick to izzy and izzy sometimes snaps back but mostly he just sighs because like, yeah. that's fair.

and then i think ed and izzy happen first this time like i think they're reminiscing about old times and ed is like "do you realize how unhappy i was though?" and izzy is like "i didnt before, but i can see it now. you look younger than you have in years. i'm glad you found someone who knows how to love you better than i do" and ed's like wait WHAT. and izzy's like "? what?" and ed's like "you love me??" and izzy's like "yes?? obviously?????" and ed's like "i thought you just wanted me to fuck you!!!" and izzy's like "i mean THAT TOO" and ed's like "do you still love me??" and izzy's like "god only knows why, but yes! obviously!" and then ed asks "do you still want me to fuck you?" and izzy's like "yknow, that's actually a harder one to answer! i dont really know!! i just know that i love you and youre hot!"

And Then They Make Out

and this one is a harder convo for ed and stede to have, not because of the infidelity but stede is like "you remember how he hurt you though?" and ed's like yeah. and im not ever gonna forget that. but i think i can move past it. and stede's like okay fine but i have one condition. he has to watch you bottom for me first

so they do that. bc stede is like "i need izzy to know that the way we make love doesnt make you any less of a man." and izzy is into it obviously, this is not how he ever imagined ed would enjoy sex but he can't deny that ed looks good, and suddenly the "you look younger than you have in years" makes sense. like he can tell ed is loving this and suddenly trying to connect this man with the version of Sexy Blackbeard that izzy was pining after for years just doesn't make sense. izzy can no longer picture ed doing hardcore kinky bdsm dom shit to him.

also izzy's been on the receiving end of stede's dick so he's like, yeah, i get it. but then weirdly even tho this was supposed to be about izzy accepting that ed doesnt want to be the aggressive daddy dom izzy always wanted him to be, izzy (who is first and foremost a huge bottom and the world's biggest sub) is looking at how good ed feels and all he can think is i want stede bonnet in my mouth so fucking bad oh my god.

and then he's not looking at ed at all he's just looking at stede and is like oh shit oh shit oh shit. and ed nuts first and when stede pulls out izzy is right there like "please please please finish in my mouth please daddy" (<- sentences that killed me to write). and stede and ed are both like. oh.

this leads to them falling back into something like their original arrangement where stede and izzy are hate-fucking except now ed is getting in on the action. so like the sex dynamic is that usually ed is either being a pillow princess or a power bottom for stede, izzy is a bratty sub to stede, stede is a service top for ed and a daddy dom for izzy, and then ed and izzy trade handies or oral or whatever when it's all three of them. sometimes stede and izzy team up to pamper ed, or stede and ed team up to torment izzy. ed and izzy by themselves usually dont do anal but when they do izzy usually tops. ed and izzy having sex isn't the sappy passionate lovemaking of ed and stede but it is still very sweet. these sex dynamics aren't set rules or anything, sometimes ed tops stede and sometimes izzy isnt being quite so submissive and etc etc, but that's usually the vibe. ed never doms izzy tho.

as for the emotional dynamic. ed and stede are in love obviously, we all watched the show. with izzy and ed, i dont think ed is in love with izzy at first but he falls into it gradually. stede is maybe a little jealous of this at first but 1. he cant deny anything from ed and if ed loves izzy then fine, ed can love izzy, and 2. he can see that it happens in a different way than how ed loves stede, so he eventually gets over it. and then with stede and izzy it's basically just this post i made where one day while they're fucking it suddenly out of nowhere gets really soft (ed is sitting out for this one but he's there watching) and afterwards stede and izzy are both so mad about being in love. theyre angry at themselves and then they play chicken about it until stede gets injured and izzy says i love you and that completes the steddyhands injurty trifecta so i guess that means the story ends and i'm freed from this post and i can finally get it out of my fucking drafts. jesus fucking christ.

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #ofmd fic #steddyhands #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #stede bonnet #stede fucking bonnet #edward teach #edward teach born on a beach #steddy hands #anyway. i hope this is the last time i make a post talking about how izzy would get together with ed and/or stede #txt #mine #og #my fic #for the record. the mischaracterization of stede is not my only issue w steddyhands #but it's the least important issue i have. mischaracterizing stede to be nice to izzy is annoying to me personally but it's not harmful #guys i rlly just. dont like izzy at all actually.#i love to study him like a bug. and this post was a fun exercise in trying to make him get better without completely breaking his character #also sorry abt casually throwing the daddy kink in there i just had to bully izzy with it #if that's not ur thing imagine him saying something else idk.

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xxdr3amsnatchrrxx · 1 year ago

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Regarding Snaxter

i feel like making a somewhat important post. tbh this is sort of just me looking back on the entire au and remembering all story stuff with it that i feel like sharing and also wanting to answer question that nobody asked. sorry for any spelling issues, im pretty sleepy rn.

this is a long post so strap in.

so i think its best to start this post off with just detailing what the story of snaxter was going to be through four different remakes of the drafts.

funni divider here

Original Story

original snaxter story was going to be a murder mystery arg blog where it was the readers job to figure out who killed filbo fiddlepie. scrapped due to me not being able to keep up the drawings for the blog. also because i couldn't think of a way to implement it correctly. this version also was why i made Zylrr because he was meant to be an antagonist. really disliked him when i first made him to a point i made an alt version of him for just normal bugsnax.

hell here's his first designs because im feeling nice today.

Second version of the story

was going to make it centered around a cult, scrapped due to lack of creativity. also when looking back on both the original and this version of the story there was a lot of ablest story telling that i was unaware of (going off of old chats with an ex bc those are the only source of info i still have on old snaxter)

i think this was also when i started adding other people's oc's. i don't remember that much tho.

Third version of the story

a deep dive into the mental state of kerleb and his entire family. pretty much just a therapy session with body horror much like the original story of bugsnax. scrapped because of said similarity.

also when i chose to make Eggabell somewhat of a mysterious character in the story as she would be just a voice from kerlebs phone for the most part.

Fourth and last version of the story

???? i don't know what was happening at this point, i was so focused on character design and world building that i completely forgot about the story.

i do remember that the ending did involve kerleb's actual dad being the heart of the island. that was honestly the only coherent part of the story.

scrapped entire au due to mental issues getting worse.

another funni divider because im not going into my gallery rn

so i also wanted to give some more context to what will actually be happening to Snaxter as a whole.

Snaxter au isn't dead, i know the post i made before made it seem like that but i was having a severely bad episode at the time.

at best the au is being held off for a bit until i get a better grasp at the whole story telling thing.

knowing how messy it was before i'd DEFINITELY need to redo everything about the lore.

sadly i would have to cut a lot of other people's characters from the story. mostly due to respect of boundaries and also because i want the story to not rely on other people's characters.

i won't work on the au that much, mainly because i'm knee deep in cult of the lamb and my own personal project.

i'm not going to have anyone else work on snaxter for personal reasons as well.

TL;DR for the last bit, Snaxter AU isn't dead, its just the leg and im floofty.

i know nobody likely cares about snaxter anymore but if it pleases those who were interested thats alright with me.

anyways, goodnight gamers. going to either draw or sleep. depends on how i feel.

#doll boy ramble #bugsnax #bugsnax au #snaxter au #snaxter update #long post #gonna have reblogs open for this one cause its not a overly personal post and i'd also like to see others thoughts on this #like i highly encourage people to talk to me on this stuff

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m1ckeyb3rry · 3 months ago

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That answers my question I just completely forgot to send it in omfg I CANNOT let myself get distracted while replying anymore I literally like almost deleted this note thinking I already sent it in goodbye.

But anyways….……

LMFAOOO THANK YOU I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT!!! You’ll be the first to know if I ever actually start using it HAHA honestly you’d probably end up answering some boomer like tumblr questions of mine bc I’m ngl why’s there sm on this platform HAHA now that I think about it though I straight up just don’t post anywhere maybe I should start changing that…..

NO SO TRUE because I just KNOW they’re picking the juiciest stories like I’m not scrolling through that subreddit myself HAHA

Just doing my part for the Karasu community!!! Gotta kick start it somewhere yk hopefully I’m inspiring people to talk and request Karasu more often!!!! LMAO wait that’s actually kinda crazy though HAHAHA I guess the Hiori requester sniffed out your secret side character vibes before I did smh….lowk that is interesting though?? Ok my thought process was definitely 1) ok she knows Kaiser so she’s def read the manga 2) she has no character limits so I’m just gonna shoot my shot (it worked out in the best possible way omg) I’ve def seen blogs that only write for the main characters ****itoshis but a good amount of them do out only a specific handful of characters in their request rules….wait actually pause I think the main tipping point for me is actually when I ended up reading cherry tree and was like no fucking way Karasu mention??? Time to test the waters because I kid you not I loved the way you did cherry tree but I was also so fucking hooked on the Karasu cameo I was like oh em gee….karasu mention and HE TALKS?? Guys….so yeah!! Actually that also jogs my memory and clears up my own thoughts of how I first found you (again…??) my memory’s kinda bad if you couldn’t tell HAHAHA

Ok……Mira really trying to solidify the shower evidence…sus…/j

THATS WHAT IM SAYING HAHAHAAH ok but like I was a little surprised that they were the color scene I thought it would’ve been some Kaiser Isagi Rin looking thing with maybe mini side characters in the bg kinda like your current header! Stop did we just manifest ego glow up too??

That’s funny because I also haven’t watched but ik what you’re talking about because I remember seeing people freak out over it LMAOOO BUT FR omg shin ah so gorgeous??? Also omfg you’re so right??? The side by side of Hak and hair down zantetsu….the resemblance is uncanny….but FR S2 being my real male leads into the spotlight please….

Tbh I don’t have high hopes for the fandom but we’ll know in our hearts that Karasu is just a closeted sweetheart loser!!! Ok the Nagi cheater allegations and red flags are actually INSANE like how tf??????????? I seriously have no idea what people are on do you think bro even has the energy to cheat……

LMAOO you’re giving them a reality check on everyone’s behalf we thank you for your service o7

Honestly pop off LMAOO like who’s gonna go challenge your parents sooo also wtf????!!!! BRO DID WHAT???!!!! wtf I literally have no words what the helllllllll glad you’re safe now but omg I hope you never have to experience something like that again….um wdym you have more stories like that??????????? Idk if you’ve ever seen those wild tiktok sponsored posts of like this weird pheromone attractive perfume I think you need creep repellent you’re rizz is too strong…..wtf…..also ENJOY SWITZERLAND!!!!!

But omg another storm shshshs stay safe??? Manifesting your electricity holds up from now on HAHA I’d imagine there aren’t storms in Switzerland rn so….

-Karasu anon

LMAOO no i always get so distracted that ‘save draft’ button is my savior when it comes to answering asks but ik you can’t really do that when sending them 😭 if i ever take more than like a day to respond without explanation feel free to send a check-in ask because that means i’m either being unprecedented levels of offline or i just didn’t get it/see it!!

tumblr takes soo long to get a hang of i will be happy to answer any boomer questions of yours as i probably had the same questions when i first began using the app!! i will always be here for the reveal if/when it comes

i guess the side character vibes i give off are too strong…also hiori made a cameo in cherry tree alongside otoya and karasu so they might’ve made a similar journey as you LMAOAO especially because they mentioned in the request that they had read and liked cherry tree!! that’s so funny that that fic (which i wrote for the most basic character ever) is what led to side character fans finding me!! omg no because tbh there was no reason for karasu to be the one talking in that scene but i was starving and desperate to write him and i thought he could pull it off and now i’m so glad i did that!! and yeah a lot of people tend to only write for a few characters which i think is fair because i 100% get being uncomfortable writing for characters you’re unfamiliar with 🧐 me personally though…if i’m in a fandom there’s not a character in it I WON’T write for!! if i’m too unfamiliar with them i’ll just do research until i feel decent abt it (that’s what i did for the hiori request hehe read and reread his ln + wiki until i was like “okay i think i can do this”)

I SHOWER I PROMISE I SHOWER (not clickbait!!)

maybe this means the NEL arc is ending soon?? like they’re putting all of the coaches in the color spread because we won’t see them again for a while…honestly i really liked this (much more exciting than the last epinagi one) and i’m happy it wasn’t the kaiser + isagi + rin combo again!! all of the coaches are really interesting to me as they all show diff pitfalls of professionals sports (chris + vanity, snuffy + depression/burnout, loki + selfishness, lavinho + immaturity iirc?? and noa + being boring af /j) honestly i could read a spinoff abt all of them too!! and omg ego glow up too…we sensed the vibes in the air and we knew egonation was about to RISE

SHINAH MY BELOVEDDD omg i actually once started a fic for him that was the precursor for hurricanes / hummingbirds in many ways and i still think abt it sometimes but like the fandom for yotd is so nonexistent that i never got the motivation to finish it!! but i think i answered an ask abt it as part of a tag game once here if you’re in the mood for some mira writing while waiting for bfb!! no but the resemblance between zantetsu and hak is uncanny omg team v trio is actually team shoujo trio all of them look like they deserve to be male leads…zantetsu in a historical fantasy shoujo, nagi in a high school slice of life but also mental health focused shoujo, and reo in a ceo romance shoujo SKDJFHS they’re all so bf i love them

we will always know the truth abt karasu and that’s what matters 😩 no because i need to know…do the nagi cheater/red flag (which are unrelated to his laziness) allegations stem from him “leaving” reo during second selection?? because if so that’s insane to me there’s such a difference between joining a different soccer team and cheating on your romantic partner 😭 in epinagi even reo himself acknowledges that he SHOULD be happy for nagi and nagi is so ‘no thoughts head empty’ about it LKDFJGNS bro fr was putting the pieces together like isagi…”play soccer with isagi -> get better at soccer -> win world cup with reo 😄” HOW IS THIS A RED FLAG???

LMAOOO it’s so bad i feel like looking back my time in high school just sounds unreal?? i sent a picture of my eye to another guy i was friends with (in the same friend group as the other two ironically) to show him my new mascara and no joke he responded with an entire verse comparing my eyes to “the heavens” 😭⁉️ and there was also a point in my senior year when i kinda liked a junior on the soccer team (so bfb reader of me but like. reversed.) but for some reason everyone shipped me with the captain of the soccer team?? like people would harass my FRIENDS asking if i liked him…meanwhile i liked mr junior varsity who didn’t even get playtime 😓 it was so bad too i went to a soccer game and everyone thought i was attending to watch the captain, INCLUDING THE GUY I WAS INTO 😐 i went up to congratulate him after the game and bro fr said “did you see the captain play he was amazing” i just left at that point because what can you even do…these are relatively tame in terms of mira lore sadly KJSHGHDFK this is why i have never had a boyfriend or first kiss or anything like that 💔 they’re all CRAZY 😱

SWITZERLAND SOON!! unfortunately my dreams of finishing bfb before my flight are definitely not coming true sooo ig i know what i’m doing for the entire plane ride!! hopefully the lack of distractions will help me finish it up and then i can just proofread in my downtime and hopefully post at some point soon…feel like i’ve been teasing you all for so long but i promise it will be long enough to make the wait worth it (i hope anyways)

#answered asks

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effieandtim · 1 year ago

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different anon, so interesting that you mention annie, cause even before you mentioned them, I was in fact going through the Jonathan Bailey tag and I noticed there were a lot of nasty stuff that she wrote and I was like hmmm idk maybe the show isn't that great or like maybe this guy (Jonathan) isn't a nice person, and then I was like well I do enjoy the show so I'm just going to leave it at that and continue it because I'm not going to take the word of someone random on the internet (like maybe they just don't like those sorts of shows?), and then I looked more into Jonny (also do we have other nicknames for him?) and was like wow this guy's like next level acting, and then looked at some interviews (the one where it's like things he carries in his bag/things he can't live without) as well as just other blogs about him and am like oh wow this guy seems really nice.

but yes that blog you have mentioned they just seem a bit bitter....

sorry you sent this earlier today and i had saved a draft reply but forgot to post😭😭

no i really like you went and did your own research and came to your own conclusions bc thats how it should be - totally fair if even after your research you found him unlikeable - that is completely your prerogative.

but at least now you know that whatever shit comes out of annie’s mouth is just that - shit.

look i have my own things i disagree with him on and i have spoken about those before - i have also spoken about my rationale to continue being a fan as well. but what annie does is really spiral and twist everything to suit her own narrative that he’s a trash person just bc she hates him and thinks everything she’s cooked up in her mind to justify that hate is true

none of us know these people at the end of the day, they’re celebs. but from what we know, i dont see him as trash and thats good enough for me lol.

annie is always bitter and full of hate anon, so really just ignore and block her. she will come back with more stuff im sure bc there’s not a single day she can live without thinking of him lmao but the best course of action is to ignore her and do your own research

also sksjsj nicknames well we mostly call him jonny bc he calls himself that, otherwise JB too bc some of his costars do that. i tend to just call him jonathan most of the time lmao

#anons #jonathan bailey

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tooliltoolate · 1 year ago

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FUCK

So. Haven't posted in a while. Man. Life. First things first. College! I'm in college! LFGGGG Even better, I'm dorming!!!! I feel so much better now to be honest. I'm eating better, getting out more(though im not like 'physically active' yet) and just living more. But well, I'm still to scared to go bar hopping and shit. But man, my quality of life just skyrocketed. Still fucking depressed though. Sigh. I feel so alone sometimes. Also. Watched Bee and Puppycat. So goddamn good. Well, not the netflix thing which I've learned also exists but the 1 hour original first season thing. Sad but so, so heartwarming. Idk, just something that really spoke to me. Happy I get to write that detail down here, that I didn't forget it. What else. I'm studying computer science. Funny story, I tried looking up job sites for internships(I know I'm still first year but you know shoot your shot!!!!!) and learned that there are a lot of web development related jobs. Guess I know what to study. Also!!!! Posted the first chapter of my story on royal road. First draft, completely unpolished, literally haven't done any worldbuilding or anything yet but I wanted to just force myself to write and post something. I did, but I kinda forgot to update on it. Shiet. But at least its something!!!!!! Reading Spivak's calculus as well. Might start writing shit about it actually. Were having precalculus this sem and since I basically had calculus already during high school wanted to read something more rigorous since I'm basically just cruising through math. Still at the prologue(funny how theres a prologue to a math textbook) and, well, I guess it's cool? I don't really understand why I had to learn this, like if its just a way of gently introducing adult math stuff like proofs or if the properties and facts(theorems?) will actually come into play. Also, its been like some months and we still havent coded shit. What is going onnnnnnn. Were basically still at number systems? Like, other universities have started already, and were supposed to be like one of the best. Sigh. These nights I suddenly get... uneasy? anxious? depressed? in my dorm room. My chest just tightens and I just want to cry. Maybe its just loneliness or home sickness. Suddenly remembered tumblr exactly because of that feeling tbh.

How does one start going to bars and shit anyway, Im ugly as fuck. Really jealous of these peole who can just, be themselves.

Man. Havent like, watched anything or read anything so far besides Bee and Puppycat.

Anyway!!! Just really happy to have an outlet, even if no one will ever read this, since I just recently left my old hs friend group. A part of me is super afraid someones gonna connect the dots and realize, wait isnt this x?, but like, I dont really care.

Sorry for the messy dump lol, nonexistent reader. Good night!

#college #adulting #math #mathematics #computer science #mental health #need money

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sea-jello · 2 years ago

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CRADLE IM SO SORRY I COPY PASTED THE FIRST SCREENSHOT INTO THE DRAFTS AND FORGOT ABOUT IT

tbh when i made the og post i wasnt thinking about like,, morro being ray and mayas kid. just something something distantly related because of wojira and not actually BLOOD related BUT you have interested me

okay it got a lot longer than i thought it would

i reeally like the idea of morro being nyas twin actually. wojira duo my beloved

man but older sibling morro >>

mmmmm do we want to stick with canon or have morro stay at the blacksmith and train w the ninja?? cause if he trains with the ninja it can go exactly like my morro betrays the ninja au 💀💀 ive got EVERYTHING planned out there (hahhahhah self promo go check it out guys ple as e)

rundown is morro goes trains yada yada but wu ofc sees hes a lot more powerful than he should be for his age OH MAYBE HES THE ONLY ONE WHO DEVELOPED AN ELEMENT AT THAT TIME cause in the pilots none of them had powers yet right?? and hes the only one who could control an element SO WU THINKS HES THE GREEN NINJA JUST LIKE CANON

OKAY so in my morro betrays the ninja au, basically is everything up to the moment they get all the golden weapons is the same (i havent actually finished the pilots and i never managed to kickstart my brain into watching it so,, take it with a grain of salt) except he trains with the ninja and there is no competition or secrecy with the prophecy, cause everyone expects morro to be the green ninja. when they do get all the golden weapons they all gather around for the Big Green Ninja Reveal and,, its not morro. of course hes devestated but we have a chance for some nice family moments TM. and then everything up to lloyd being the green ninja is the same so we CAN have green cousins bonding and then later green cousins angst 😌😌 and then maybe if were keeping with canon then he does leave to prove himself and then fucking dies

but if we want to stick with canon then i do like your idea of a really young morro showing up at the monastary like canon and then leaving before the ninja show up. mmm but how would that work does he run away?? get taken?? maybe they got sent to an orphanage or something and morro somehow left or got taken. and then i guess kai got old enough to leave the orphanage and took nya with him back to the blacksmith.

with morro everything goes like in the show with the wind and the prophecy ,, oh but the golden weapons are already hidden by then arent they?? theres no way for him to prove he wasnt the green ninja

so the only possible course is he trains with the ninja and finds out with them. but now theres the option of morro either being raised by kai if he stays at the blacksmith or wu if he shows up at the monastery. and i DO like your idea again of them not remembering each other as siblings if were going with him staying with wu. i dunno how they would find out yet so thats pending

if he does stay with wu then he COULD have known about lloyd at a young age. i think nyas about 14/15 in the pilots and lloyd about 11 or 12 in s1 soo it could work if morro is nyas twin. yeah okay so morro met lloyd when he was born maybe and im assuming lloyd got shipped off the darkleys at a pretty young age so he does only remember morro through photos. cause if we go the "morro finds out he isnt the green ninja with everyone when they collect the weapons" route then morro would have left before the ninja met lloyd in s1

hmm how would he react to lloyd being the green ninja he probably would show up at the bounty tbh. i dont know if hes gonna throw hands with the middle schooler but yk we'll think about it more

im not gonna lie to you i dont think misako would ever see fit to leave lloyd with wu under any circumstances 💀💀 cause she said she knew he would be the green ninja and sticking him in an evil school is a pretty surefire way of not completing the prophecy (FUCK as i was typing that out i realized that could have been another reason she left him there. im gonna edit my misako rant from weeks ago)

if we stick with canon again then he does go off and die and s5 continues as normal (but with more feelings heaehehheaheheghe) but if we want good morro then he could show up from time to time like that one kid in the pokemon games who doesnt stop bugging you to fight them (ive never played any pokemon game a day in my life so youre gonna have to trust me on this) but hes like 20 times more deadly cause hmhm perfectionist trained to be the green ninja and then AGAIN I LIKE YOUR IDEA of them teaming up in s5 and accepting the whole green ninja thing and WU REASSURING HIM thats literally all i want from the show. MAYYBEE this is his full potential arc

if he does sacrifice himself at the end of s5 then ig he comes back in dotd with cole. if he doesnt then we get the typical morro redemption arc but slightly to the left cause they KNEW him and they were FRIENDS but they tried to KILL EACH OTHER at some point in time so yeah thats kinda awkward

we can get a whole bonding thing with the team and siblings 🥰🥰 them falling back into old habits from before he left and kai and nya and morro subconsciously doing little things from their childhood before morro left, like humming a certain song and knowing which part is morros and which is nyas, or having to sit on kais left at the dinner table. maybe morro makes a face and nya just knows the judgmental "what the fuck" is shooting through his head. could get some green cousins in too,, morro knows what specific thing lloyd liked and lloyds like "that was 14 years ago how the FUCK do you now that" lloyd could like instinctively slap morro on the back of the head when he wants to get his attention cause he used to slap his arm before he could reach shoulder punching height, so he got used to reaching as high as he could to hit, and unfortunately that means morros head. ABSOLUTELY he and nya are menaces i do not take criticism

seabound boutta be a whole nother level of pian

Idk what else to put here I just wanted to say hi

Maybe tell me about one of your aus or something idk I'm bored

hi cradle :O

MMMM aus i dont really have anything to say about them without spoiling tbh. i can say that both morro betrays the ninja and morro joins the band have a sad (ish) ending lmaoo. ive got the next parts of both in the drafts, and ideas for movie morro

what else do i have

the morro long lost smith sibling one?? i dunno if that really counts as one?? since ive got literally nothing for it it was just a fleeting thought. i mean if anyone wants to steal the idea go for it

#what should we call this one #morro smith au #it works #or #morro jiang au #IM SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING I DONT KNOW HOW I FORGOT ABOUT IT #i copy pasted the ss with the full intention of replying and ig i got distracted #tbf i was doing a big hw project and i wasnt supposed to be online so #WOW cradle you have gotten so many thoughts out of me #i had nothing before i started typing #cradle you are a genius #ignore all the run on sentences im not a writer and i cba #i just made a whole new fuckin green cousins hc on the spot because of this #I SPENT AN HOUR TYPING OML #i had fuck all about kai and nya in this long ass post #but yk the morro brainrot is real #got a little bit at the end #i might have more in the future who knows #ive nevr done anything wholesome before how did i do #ninjago #morro ninjago #lloyd ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago au #kai ninjago #kai smith #nya ninjago #nya jiang #smith siblings #wojira duo

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funkinmadnesss · 3 years ago

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Hello gamers i totally forgot these guys were sitting in my drafts, and since im gonna work on designs, might as well post them for Content jNKVFD

Behold! My fnaf ocs but glamrock <3 these babs are pretty much as old the first game, i just redesigned them a bit. It was so nice drawing them again <3

More about them under the cut: (Very long. so. heads up jndfk)

From left to right you have: Leon, Shepard, Finnick, and Saber!

They work at a Iceskating and rollerskating rink, named Saber's stellar Skating rink! (iceskating is seasonal) that is kind of a sister location to the pizzaplex (by that i mean its not built into the main building, but is instead a separate next to it connected by a big hallway!)

Saber: Sabertooth tiger, She/her. Shes very sweet and kind, And Very energetic. Her main job is to teach skating lessons, and watch over the rink! She'll also sometimes go skating with the kids, Especially Kids who are too nervous to do it alone.

Finnick: Fennec fox, He/him. Very laid back and chill. He Helps Saber with lessons and also manages the songs that play throughout the rink. He usually stays in the DJ booth, Just watching saber play with the kids. occasionally though he will go skating with her (Mainly after hours but sometimes during the day if she drags him to the rink lovingly jNKJFD)

Leon: Lion, Any/all. Very closed off animatronic when shes not doing shows. She Only really opens up after hours when hes alone with the gang. They mainly does birthday magic shows with shepard (much to her dismay/j) and they sometimes watch the rink with Saber (Mainly because He's alot better at enforcing rink safety rules. Saber is sometimes too nice)

Shepard: German shepard, He/they. An absolute chaotic bastard. Master at annoying Leon. Hes Leons assistant, but when he's not doing shows he's just causing trouble in the rink/hj. They're usually the one getting yelled at my Leon, because They're "a bad influence on the kids". Though Once a parent complains he usally tones it down a bit.

Theyre all have built in roller and iceskates, after to flip either or out when needed (like wheelies JNKJVFD). Leon and shepard how ever are slightly different. since they're magician bots, Leon has built in capsules, opening on her palm and forearm. She has 3 capsules in each arm. One filled with handkerchiefs, one filled with conffeti and one filled with flammable fluid. the capsules spin around in his arm so he can swich between what comes out of his palms. This has malfunctioned before, in which she accidently set decorations on fire, which is why she goes through a small check up after each show.

Shepard, on the otherhand, has. what can pnly be desribed as Bluetooth body parts jNKVF each of his limbs have their own separate battery, and a signal that leads back to his 'brain'. so if one of his limbs get taken off, he can still move it and such. this is usually for their normal magic show act but sometimes he uses this just so scare kids (especially after one of them accidently rip off like, his tail or arm)

despite being a sister location, they work on completely different systems than the glamrocks, and most importantly, have complete different staff from the pizzaplex. The owner of the place simply has it associated with fazbears because clout/hj So game-lore wise? these bitches sleepin absolutely clueless of whats happening next door jkNKVFD.

also incase anyone was currious this is their head security guard, Ren

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf security breach #security breach #fnaf oc #security breach oc #rufioarts #rufioocs #THIS POST IS SO LONG SOBS #i have alot to say about my oldest children <3 #i was not joking when i said theyre as old as the first game #if anyone ever manages to find my old deviantart you infact #can find their first deisgns #them and all the content over this is very old and Very embarrassing for both our sakes dont go searching jNKJVFD

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navigatorwrongway · 3 years ago

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Ahaha so remember like a month and a half ago when i promised yall ( @milozephir @some-random-trash ) a rec list? Yeah, I made like 80% of a list and forgot it in my drafts rip

BUT i found it again AND updated word counts and stuff so like?? Points for effort pls ty

In no particular order, im pleased to present

Mari’s Non-comprehensive Dinluke Fic Recs

ni kar'taylir gar darasuum sosol by @coffeecatsme

T, 8.7k, complete

A really really sweet 5+1 about Luke making sense of the Mando’a Din uses.

say it as you will by HiddenEye

T, 3.8k, complete

Ahsoka and Rex teasing the living daylights out of everyone. Because they deserve it.

Willfully Oblivious by @needlefrost

T, 6k, complete

Force-sensitive Din my BELOVED, with bonus Ahsoka-training-Din!!

To Each According To His Need by MadameReveuse ( @weepylucifer im 90% sure that’s u but correct me if im wrong ^.^’)

G, 4.7k, complete

Definitely one of the best fics in the ship, this is one part sickfic, one part thoughtful exploration of the effects of background and expanding horizons, and one part *excellent* dialogue.

he feels like home by coffeecatsme (again!)

T, 6 chapters, 13.7k, complete

Wherein everyone but Luke can tell that the pining is mutual.

Star Light, Star Bright series by snapdragonpop007

T, 7 works, 19k, WIP

Din gets Luke off of Tatooine a little earlier, and this changes things.

Kir’manir by plantyourtreeswithme

T, 3 chapters, 23.7k, WIP

Bo-Katan shoots Luke as he leaves, and we go from there. Top notch.

parry, parry, strike by AlchemyAlice

T, 18.9k, complete

Excellent dinluke, excellent din & leia, excellent all around.

Thaw by @andthepeople spqr

T, 6.3k, complete

Vader gets Luke on Bespin, and Luke later gets Grogu back to his buir. Very very very very good.

Christ in Repose by spqr again!

T, 7.7k, complete

I limited myself to two recs from this author!! Arent you proud!!! Honestly I recommend all of this author’s work, but that would make this list even longer. OP Luke (affectionate) and some in-universe new/media funsies.

Where There’s a Will There’s a Way by xiaq

M, 8.8k, WIP

Best banter on the list imo. Seriously the dialogue is *chef’s kiss* and the rest is very very good as well.

listen, there's a hell of a universe next door by storm_petrel

M, 12.9k, complete

BAMF luke, BAMF din, one of the best written action sequences I’ve ever read, and a look at Luke’s role as a Rebel pilot. Read it.

through the deep dark valley by @ace-din-djarin

T, 3 works, 21.9k, WIP

Soulmate AUs aren’t everybody’s cup of tea but if you have even a passing interest this is SO GOOD. Not even speaking from bias as a beta, this is objectively a joy to read.

staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave

G, 25.7k, complete

If you read one fic on this list, make it this one. AU where the Jedi are still around, Din has just become Mand’alor, and Knight Luke Skywalker is sent to help mediate. Once you’ve read this, read all the author’s other work too. Mari’s orders.

I have many many many more recs but these are some of my faves! Sorry again about taking so long 😭😭

I’m also morally and legally obligated to shill the dinluke discord server, where cool cats like the intended audience of this post (all of you) can hang out and talk various star wars and dinluke-related shiznaz

#dinluke #dinluke fic rec #dinluke fic recs #mar posts #mar talks #if anyone knows the @s of people i couldn’t tag please do so!!!#and ofc feel free to add on your own recs iyw

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tigerlyla-of-metinna · 3 years ago

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My Last Post: The Anon Harasser

This is going to be a long one. I may be losing followers for this: I no longer care and Im out of fcks to give. I will stick to posting my Nilfgaardian content and ignore this person who has blatantly called me out BY NAME several times, which is very rude. I’ve ignored this person for several months then bam! I see my name again on their latest post. I wont stoop to that level and instead say that this persons’ name sounds like “sand-in-my- shorts” (insert StarWars joke).

Unlike Sandy (not real name), I will blot out their name and face. If anyone recognize you, Sandy, well, you've made yourself infamous with your well documented MO, and posting them with your face as the background. (Translation is done through an image to text translator so I included the original text)

I also do not appreciate insulting followers, calling them “minions” or “fools”, and I’m not the only content creator whom you also called a fool and their followers fools. I had hoped that after blocking you for your passive aggressiveness and telling you to move on and leave me alone, you’d move on and leave me alone! Instead, you fixated on me and send me hostile anon msgs. Either you or your pack of hyenas. But apparently, you get off from posting venom about me and others. And then I receive the latest post on your page with all the usual lies. Since you’re hell-bent on besmirching my name, let’s go over the post of me on your TUMBLR:

1. There it is, another name drop. I was in IG first before you and being new to how IG works, I liked a lot of post, including this “another person” you mentioned whom I have no idea you had problems with. I was with the rest who tried lifting your spirits. Turns out, this person was right in calling you toxic. But I stayed nevertheless because of our mutual support for Nilfgaard.

2.Ignored “really good post” is subjective and depends on the viewer. I liked some of your post and it’s my right to exercise liking any post. Promoted even some of them in the stories. Just because we both like Nilfgaard doesn’t mean I will blindly like everything you put out there. You also did not liked some of my post and I did not raise a stink about it. Your “daughter OC” replaced Ciri completely that Emhyr forgot about her, is a whole new universe that doesn’t sit right by me so I chose to withheld liking it. Other than that, some were good.

3. That was not a discussion: the thread was becoming long with your opinion that the ship has no future, to which I reply that Im not making a fic about this nor do I have time to worry about every rarepair in the fandom that goes against my corner of the fandom multiverse -which Ciri and Morvran are together and your OCs do not exist: only in your corner of the multiverse. Still you wont stop, so I had to close the topic with this reply (reader, pay attention to the final sentence.)

As to why I blocked? Remember this under the old name of your account? See the lifted last sentence?

4. This was a team effort, with me coming up with the writing of the announcement, assigning who posts whom: I even have the final draft saved on MS WORD. So this was not planned by one person. As for partner relation, I was relatively new to IG and no idea how to partner up with anyone. It was after the parting of ways that I learned how to partner with fellow creators.

5. I have been making screenshots of my PS4 gameplay using the share button. And because its a PS4, I have no mods to undress characters. The naked Emhyrs and Morvrans were sent to me by the pc masterace which I use to polish my rough photoshopping skills. Our post never looked the same: you have seen my naked Emhyrs and half naked Morvrans (because you never stopped vagueblogging about them). Undressing W3 characters is not a unique idea nor it became a trend. Fan arts and screenshots of naked Emhyr and Morvran were already here on Tumblr and I wanted to contribute to that small pool. I’ve been on Tumblr longer (I’m a returnee) than I’ve been on IG and I’ve painted many videogame characters in various state of undress.

6. No name was mentioned in that post except for the mention of “green eyes”- the color of jealousy, but it looks like this person just outed themselves here. I did not tell them to go at you with pitchforks, they aren't mindless minions. Even without the name drop these people recognized you through your actions. I posted there for you to MOVE ON and LEAVE ME ALONE.

You, on the other hand, encouraged your followers (or account clones) to harass someone here for “bullying” where in fact it is you who is the bully.

Screenshots of the anon msg? Oh no, not those. I meant the ones on Tumblr and IG, and they are definitely yours: account name and all, not to mention your face on display. The advice on tags? You mentioned only that my post did not show on the tags: I found out this is a common issue with people posting on IG using PC so I googled the workaround and posted the tags on the comments instead of on the captions.

Aren’t you full of yourself? Quite the narcissist, arent we? I’d be unpopular without you? You are my motivation? I started gaining attention because posting pure Nilfgaardian content -both on Tumblr and IG- wasn't getting me anywhere: not even Emhyrs’ photoshopped naked arse, so I posted fan favorites, even asked some creators permission to have their pics posted on my page- complete with name credit and links to their pages. You had a little rant about it, then a few days later posted fan faves too, and -surprise surprise- they were more liked than the Nilfgaard posts!

If there is something I will give you credit for, it is this: Because of your actions, I learned a great deal of tolerance for other’s opinions counter to mine. I learn to embrace and respect the strange fandom and even stranger shipping. Canon lore has its place, and we have our special place where we create OC’s and pair unlikely characters for fun.

This post wont stop the hostile dms, the lies, the vagueblogging because Sandy is unapologetic, relentless,will continue to bicker with those who goes against the “book canon”, turns around and plays the victim card. But at least I get to speak my peace after nearly a year long hounding.

I will continue to photoshop and post content that I like whether they be clothed or tastefully naked, Nilfgaardian or Nordling. It no longer matters to me if i get 0 notes: tumblr will just be my gallery- my collection museum.

For my peace of mind, Sandy will be reduced to white noise, I will put anon messaging on hold indefinitely, move on and focus on me, my OC, my simping for Emhyr and my collection.

UPDATE: The entire post on sand-in-my-shorts has been deleted and account name has been changed. Thank god for screenshots!

#this type of hostile harassment must end #those who have been spammed with anon dms #speak up!#for the last time #move on and leave me alone!#tw: harassment #tw: hate #toxic person #toxic

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letsdiscoverkitty · 3 years ago

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A Long Overdue Update

PART ONE OF ?? I started penning this weeks ago but completely forgot that it was sitting in my drafts...It's basically a summary of the past few years/since COVID hit and I went offline for a while.

To say that it has been a turbulent few years would be an understatement. I was trying to think about what to say or where to even start this post as I did do a bit of a disappearing act from the Tumblr world when my world caved in a bit around me....I want to try to keep this bit of the post as brief as possible (which is often impossible for me to do as you all well know) but in essence, before the pandemic hit and I had recently left an admission in the Autumn of 2019, we had a number of deaths in the family/close to family, I was labelled as a SEED patient by the ED team and then was left alone for a month in Feb 2020 whilst my parents flew to NZ (I was going to be joining them on this but I couldn't for medical reasons). The night they returned home our world turned upside down when my dad fell down the stairs in the early hours of the next morning and suffered catastrophic brain injuries, resulting in him spending a total of 3-4 months between the ICU, trauma ward and a neuro-rehab ward, with things being touch-and-go at times. He had a number of spinal fractures, facial fractures and 3 bleeds on his brain (extra dural, sub dural and sub-arachnoid if there are any neuro guys out there). This all happened as the world around us started to shut down due to the spread of COVID-19 and I distinctly remember the last time my mum and I were able to visit my dad on the trauma ward (one at a time) before they stopped all visitors; he was completely delirious and although having got through the worst (we were told he may not live numerous times) he had no idea who I (or my mum) were and was "on another planet" and detained for his own safety....thankfully he is doing better than anyone ever expected now but he will never be the same person he was and there are multiple ramifications that might not be obvious on the outside (he looks very well, actually, ironically, he is fitter and healthier than he was before the injury), mentally it's a different story (although he refuses to accept or acknowledge this/has no insight whatsoever) and it's been incredibly traumatic for both my mum and I (Andi too but not so much as they weren't around as much when it happened).

As Covid locked down the country, I was admitted back into hospital for what was initially 4 weeks (I was desperate to go home to support my mum) but which turned out to be an 8 month admission. I was discharged in December 2020 despite my consultant urging me to stay longer; there were numerous reasons for this - one being that I was finding the ward environment and the unit far more unhelpful than beneficial and think I had reached my max for that admission. Upon leaving I was told that I would never get better and had some frankly horrible things said to me by the nutritionist at the time (including that the best case scenario was that I would go home and only lose a bit of weight of the coming months....) back home and Christmas was all but cancelled as COVID spread across the UK. I had no support from the outpatient services due to my EDP disappeared off the face of the planet - we had a really good theoretically plan from my discharge CPA that she would catch up with me each week to make the transition smoother than in the past however these appointments never happened, she was uncontactable and the day before I left the ward I got a phone call from the service telling me that someone would phone me at the end of the week to make sure I was home and safe. That EDP who I was originally working with was never seen again and no longer works for the service/no one will talk about her so Im not sure what happened there...

Anyway, I eventually got access to a therapist but it took a few months and by that time I was already finding things hard (looking back the last few months of that admission I was slipping and lapsing but despite asking for more help I actually got LESS which was just...well we wont go into it). Months passed and I was just sort of floating and, looking back now, was very much still struggling with trauma elements/triggers/flashbacks. Positively though I had reapplied to University (for the millionth time) and had some unconditional places and an interview lined up for Cambridge....however, as some of you know, I had also applied for a degree apprenticeship with a global company on a bit of a whim when I was once told I would never amount to anything whilst in hospital and low and behold as I went through the extremely long and challenging process, I felt more things click into place and was, after more interviews and assessment centres offered one of 6 places on the course in the South! I was in shock (and still am) but in the end I decided to withdrew all my uni applications (in hindsight traditional University didn't quite seem to be the right 'fit' for me/my personality traits) and accepted the degree apprenticeship in business/professional management with the company to start in the autumn.

I was also very very very fortunate that I also got my little bundle of fluff, Luna, in the Spring and I honestly could not have asked for a better soul mate, she is honestly my everything - fluff and all.

After some time had passed I was offered, by the IP consultant I had been under for the previous 8 months admission, to go back for a short top up to help me get to a stronger place to take my place on the apprenticeship as I had been slowly relapsing and falling backwards/into old cycles. I eventually took up this up and spent 3ish months (I think) back in hospital...Tbh it was a horrible admission, the ward was a complete mess and whilst I was there both consultants who had been there for donkeys years left, I had no support and was just left to my own devices...(Im not putting blame on anyone and I know I moan a lot about services and admissions etc and don't want it to sound like I wasn't grateful for the support, god I was, and still am, however looking back I just wasn't in the right mindset for it as I wasn't really willing to give up the control/eating disorder/self destructing and self sabotage loops/cycles, which is hard for me to acknowledge and admit).

I unfortunately came up against a number of roadblocks in terms of starting my apprenticeship as I needed to be signed off by Occ Health but as I was in hospital they couldn't say I could start in September, yet the hospital were saying that they wouldn't discharge me without knowing that I had the apprenticeship starting without a delay....this led to yet another limbo land of me being in hospital but not being in hospital which was horrendous. Looking back, a trigger for me is probably uncertainty, which can lead to feeling unsafe and find it hard to trust others. I was eventually discharged from the community despite the work situation not being solved as we seemed to be stuck in a stalemate situation where something had to give. Due to all the paperwork etc I had to wait another month to start my apprenticeship, which was a real shame as others on the course had begun and I again had the feeling of "being behind" which fed directly into my perfectionism/people pleasing and was a reminder of how I felt when I went off to Bristol Uni all those years ago feeling behind because I hadn't studied A level Biology and had been out of education for years. The company was very supportive and in terms of our cohort we do rotations/placements in different teams, so I didn't have to deal with too many difficult situations/interactions with others on my course who had started before me.

#personal #update

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theresa-of-liechtenstein · 3 years ago

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@lavstar i was so incredibly stupid and i deleted your ask while i was drafting it… i swear i didn’t forget to do it 😭 anyway i’ve FINALLY finished it so let’s jump into the compilation of the most planes i have ever brainrot ❤️ because no ❤️ you cannot expect me to pick one ❤️ it is impossible ❤️

two airbus A320s taking off from parallel runways, five nautical miles apart ‘cause they’re not gay!

btw i genuinely do not care about military aircraft (never have, prob never will) so these are all to do with civil aviation. also huge disclaimer i did all the commentary off the top of my head (i did have to wikipedia some of the stats im not martin fucking crieff) so if i mess up a term or something that’s on me

of course no post about my favorite planes cannot leave out the OG. my first love, the most plane i have ever ridden; the one, the only, the increasingly irrelevant due to industry shifts, the beloved Airbus A380.

(L) just look at this big beautiful girl! + (R) a view of i believe scotland? as approached from the north

i don’t know why i love this plane so much, because lots of other people certainly don’t for a lot of reasons. her size makes her the main character out of necessity at every airport she comes across, and she’s an inconvenience for air traffic controllers for that reason. her origin story is [twitter stan account voice] a bit problematic. given changes in industry trends, she is also quickly becoming irrelevant. airbus my beloved please just admit that the four engines thing was nostalgia and go. she’s a marvel of engineering sure, but when all is said and done…the B747 came, she served cunt, and then she got phased out. the A380 was made with the intention of doing the same…unfortunately, she didn’t really complete the second step.

wait holy shit. i know why i love this plane so much. it’s because this plane…is me ❤️

—

and now for thee og in terms of famous big-ass planes that everyone loves: the B747. everyone loves the 747. even if they say they’re not into planes, they are. for me, not gonna lie: a very big reason for why i love the Queen of the Skies so much is mark vanhoenacker’s book, skyfaring. he flew the 747 for bri’ish airways (when they still had them) and loved that plane so much and man who am i to blame him.

(L) i think i teared up when i saw her through the big windows for the first time bc i was like oh my god. i am going to be on her. this icon of aviation, the arguable symbol of commercial aviation. so much history, so much significance… + (R) the past, the present, and the future of british airways in one image 🥺

i was on a 747 twice in my life. once on a cathay pacific flight to the philippines, and on my last flight abroad, on a british airways flight to heathrow. little did i know i was flying one of the last of their 747 flights—they phased them out completely the following year, a bit earlier than anticipated due to the pandemic.

as enzo ferrari once probably said, “ask a child to draw a plane, and certainly he will put a hump and four engines on it.” in terms of sheer iconic power and energy, the Queen (and she is the only earthly being to whom I shall ever refer as such) would far and away be the top on anyone’s list, save for the fact that i don’t have a top to this list and i have other planes to get to dear god this is getting long do you know what you’ve got yourself into!! the Queen really said “flight belongs to the people now” and the airlines just had to shut up and listen!! she is truly the main character!!!

genuinely don’t remember what river this is except that it’s in the UK… 🙈

i feel like everything else i say about her is just going to be a pale imitation of how evocative skyfaring was, so honestly i really recommend the book it’s so good and it’s one of my favorites. my copy is sort of falling apart now bc i kept bringing it around to places 😭 anyway, the number of airlines using her for passengers is decreasing, but you know who still use converted versions of her as well as purpose-built models? cargo airlines! anyway, ups and their brown planes my beloved 🤎

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this slot was going to go to the B767 and 757, and i was going to rhapsodize about how aesthetically the 767 looks like a nicer plane to me because of Chonk, but the 757 is really endearing because it’s a narrowbody jet and it’s got landing gear that is long in a useful but unusual-looking way, which in essence what i’m trying to say is that if the 757 were a person, it would be esteban ocon.

so i was getting ready to write all of this down in much more words than i needed, but i remembered suddenly the very reason i was making this post in the first place. and that, my friends, is the B777.

honestly you don’t fully understand how big the 777 is until you see it in person. because we are all acclimated to think of like the 747 when we think of ‘big plane.’ but the 777 is massive. even i forgot about it when i wrote That Fanfic.

the 777 and 787 are the future of long-haul commercial aviation (and i say this as an A380 stannie). widebody jets with 2 big-ass engines are most likely what we’re going to see in the sky going forward when it comes to long-distance travel, and the pandemic pretty much confirmed that.

that aside, i love the 777. so much that i wrote a whole fanfic around one making an emergency landing ❤️ i really pretended ETOPS (the thing where a plane can fly for a long time on one engine) did not exist for six chapters and an alternate ending and i think that’s just very quirky of me aha 🤪

dear god do not mind my hat i literally bought it because of fred fucking thursday of endeavour… what the FUCK was teenage me on 😭

the 777 was supposed to be a trijet (one with three engines, two under each wing and one built into the vertical stabilizer) but as the mcdonnell douglas and lockheed martin trijets (cba to look up the numbers) were not projected to continue to be successful, they got rid of the trijet 777 idea and instead made it have two engines. another thing i think is neat is that all the examples of the 777 that you will see in the wild right now don’t have winglets bc the wings themselves are so long and raked back that they’re not necessary. which would be a weird thing for me in particular to find neat, because if you know me well you know i have a thing for winglets. (the 2022 f1 car’s front wing my BELOVED WAKSKDKSJSJ!!!!!) i also think the way the wingtip lights are incorporated into the wings are so neat. the upgraded version they’re trying to make now, the 777X, will have foldy wingtips so you can DIY your own winglets and i think that’s hilarious (and also cool).

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genuinely i think i’m the only plane person that likes this last aircraft: the Embraer ERJ-175. i like her for purely nostalgic reasons. she reminds me of how i returned to my roots and decided to pursue engineering.

so okay this is going to have nothing to do with the plane, but i was lucky enough to be given a visit to the flightdeck after landing back home from a weekend trip. i was so excited to be allowed to sit in the first officer’s seat, and got to poke around the flightdeck for like ten minutes. which was cool, but all this was with the sinking realization that even operating a regional jet might be too physically demanding (read: unsafe) for someone of my… [exhales knowing EXACTLY what i’m about to walk into] height.

that is one fully glass cockpit. also those yokes are specific to embraer, boeing’s look more like f1 steering wheels with stuff cut out of them i think, and airbus’s are operated by side stick. it’s almost funny especially when watching flightdeck videos of the a380 cause it’s like… you’re doing All That *gestures vaguely at plane* with THAT *gestures at thing that looks like a chicken drumstick with semiconductors implanted in it*

so that was piloting as a career done with for me (much to my family’s relief.) and then i thought “hm i don’t have to be flying planes all the time to be working around them…why don’t i work on developing them instead?” and i was passively interested in matsci already, so that’s how and when i decided to pursue engineering, with hopes of working for airbus or boeing and in civil aviation.

we’ll see how that pans out, i say as i side-eye the exponential growth of my interest in motorsport.

thanks for the ask! i’m so sorry i was stupid and deleted it but i hope you like this very long, drawn out, and frankly deranged response 💚

#em speaks #lavstar #this is half me showing off my plane pictures half deranged rant i hope you enjoy

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