#(if i took these hits with the starting armor and stats i would be almost dead xD)

[fluffypichu876]

feels so good to return to undead burg with mid-game gear

[monstersdownthepath]

Herald of Pharasma: Steward of the Skein

CR "15"

Neutral Medium Outsider

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 302

It had to happen. Originally, the Arcanotheign had the Finale spot on the Misfits and Monitors Month roster because of how busted her kit looked on first glance... But then I took a closer look at the Steward here, and knew that there was no contest. Even in her original iteration in Carrion Crown: Trial of the Beast the Steward pushed the boundaries of what was allowable by a CR 15 creature, and her final version in Inner Sea Gods is no different. In fact, she's actually slightly stronger than her first draft despite losing several chunks of her kit because they consolidated a lot of her kit into her spell-likes... and then added even more.

Her CR is in quotation marks because she's actually got 19 hit dice and a matching caster level for all her spell-likes, the highest of any other Herald in both respects (with one exception), who have anywhere from 15 to 18 Hit Dice and/or caster level, both of which almost never match, leading to a power disparity between their raw stats and how strong their spell-likes are. The sheer number of options she has available, combined with being statistically anywhere from +1 to +3 stronger in noteworthy stats than every other Herald, should probably put her at CR 16 or 17. A party of 10th level adventurers can't even scratch her, and a party of 12 to 13th level adventurers would struggle to harm her with anything requiring saving throws.

Fitting for what amounts to the mouthpiece of the President Of The Universe, Pharasma, the Lady of Graves. The first of the gods and the most powerful of all of them by an enormous margin, she would of course settle for nothing less than the greatest of the Heralds... though the Steward's normal jobs are more or less exactly what her name suggests, taking care of day-to-day tasks in the Courts of Purgatory and the Boneyard besides, like a combination of heavily-armored butler and mailman. This being a fantasy world, though, her jobs are suitably fantastic; she's not delivering mundane letters to the judges in the Courts, but proclamations directly from her goddess, and she's not sweeping dust from hallways, but daemons from doorsteps. When she's not doing busywork in the Boneyard, she finds herself drifting through the Material Plane at the behest of her goddess, returning the undead to dust, escorting spirits to the Boneyard, and delivering prophecies to people in whom Pharasma sees greatness.

The majority of her appearances in the universe are fleeting, momentary things where she appears in her ghostly, incorporeal form, looking down upon a newborn child and delivering a cryptic prophecy to all in attendance, sometimes going as far as to bless the child with one of her spells or whatever Pharasman Prophecy Package(TM) was sent down with her before fading away. When she's "off-duty," (read: waiting for a prophecy to become relevant and twiddling her thumbs in the meantime) the Steward often goes into deep introspection for years or decades at a time, finding a place in the universe to sit down and meditate for a while, often inadvertently causing people to flock to her unmoving form and treat it as an object of reverence or a holy site to Pharasma. There is at least one story of a Pharasmin priest who found her meditating and built a temple around her, which I feel like would be a surprise when she finally woke back up.

The Steward rarely raises a hand against anything but the undead and ones who'd create them, preferring to disable or flee rather than fight, but there are rare occasions when the Steward arrives to proclaim that someone must die, and very rare occasions when that 'someone' happens to be in the player's party. Now, shall we see how hard it is to fight (the Herald of) fate...?

We'll be starting, as we frequently do, with the defenses. The Steward's apparently metallic body can only be reliably damaged with adamantine weapons, as anything else is intercepted by her DR 10, and while we're talking about tens, she's got a meager 10 Fire and Cold Resistance but immunity to Electricity. She's got 26 SR like most Heralds, but her saving throws are actually above almost all of them thanks to her Aura of Fate (which we'll get into in detail in a bit), her saving throws towering at +15/+20/+22, all of which are above average for a creature of her CR, and while many Heralds are vulnerable to specific cheese tactics, the Steward is at least immune to disease, poison, ANY form of mental control, and all death effects. She's even got Death Ward at will to either use on herself or gift to others!

Death Ward and her immunities to poison, disease, mental control and, uniquely, being possessed all render her impervious to most tricks from Undead creatures, but she's got more than just those tricks when dispatching anything from zombies to archliches. She's got Major Image at will to weave distractions for mindless hordes to uselessly attack, the power to hold Undead of any strength in place with her unyielding gaze attack (DC 25 Will save negates + gives 24 hour immunity) for 2d6 entire rounds, and the ability to cast Undeath to Death 3/day to wipe out 19d4 Hit Dice worth of Undead in a single dismissive gesture. Her aforementioned Aura of Fate also works as a permanent Consecrate spell, making Undead inside more vulnerable to channeled energy and also making them very slightly weaker.

I'm not exactly sure how, precisely, the Consecrate works in this case; it gives a base +3 to the DC of channeled energy and a -1 penalty to the attack rolls, damage rolls, and saves of Undead, but if its area contains an altar, shrine, or "other permanent fixture dedicated to your deity." I'm not exactly sure if the Divine Herald of a deity counts as a 'permanent fixture,' but I think it should! It makes killing undead so much easier for her, and makes it harder for them to hurt her back!

Her gaze doesn't just hold undead, it also dazes the living for 2d4 rounds if they fail their save. Since the daze breaks if she hits them, she'll often fly right past anyone who's reduced to staring in reverence to focus on whoever is still standing, coup de gracing select targets if she must. Her primary offense is a pair of armored slam attacks, each one doing 2d10+7 damage and exposing the victim to her gaze even if they've averted their eyes, forcing the issue if they saw their allies fall to it and tried to avoid it themselves. While her slams are usually able to deal with most threats, she's also got Chain Lightning 3/day and... well, a few other spells.

Unlike the last guy we saw in full plate that enjoyed slam attacks, the Steward relies more on her spells than her physical power to dispatch her enemies as swiftly as possible. In addition to Undeath to Death, she's got Heal 3/day to obliterate either 150 or 75 HP from a single Undead target, or restore that much HP to a living being (including herself, natch) while peeling a bunch of unpleasant status ailments off. If she encounters someone who's time is not yet over, she also has Breath of Life 3/day to either restore a chunk of health to them, or restore them to life outright. Between three Heals and three Breaths of Life she's already got somewhere in the neighborhood of four healthbars, which I imagine will swiftly demoralize any party trying to wear her out, but this isn't anywhere close to all the tricks she's got up her sleeve to demoralize a party; this gals 3/day list is loaded.

Wall of Force 3/day, for one, to trap her foes behind invincible barriers, hedge enemies into easy Chain Lightning positions, and defend innocent civilians. Globe of Invulnerability to protect herself from any lower-level spells her enemies might be throwing out, and Greater Dispel Magic for anything beefier or anything they try to buff themselves up with. Hold Monster to shut down anything that might fail the DC 21 Will save for what may as well be the entire battle, and Greater Invisibility to avoid whatever avoided paralysis.

Whoof, Greater Invisibility alone on a monster with such an array of spells is painful enough; using it to let her get sneaky slams in almost feels like a waste when she could instead go full invisible and then use her tremendous 150ft fly speed to get into a more advantageous position and heal up, then an eye in the sky to let her properly check where to place her Walls of Force... or whatever else she feels like doing, because she's got 3/day access to pretty much any spell she thinks might be useful.

Yeah, remember how I was rubbing my hands together as I envisioned everything the Arcanotheign could do with ONE free casting of Limited Wish a day? The Steward has three, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE she can do, allowing her to adapt her entire strategy on the fly depending on what she's facing. Too many dangerous melee guys around? Dominate one. Enemy caster giving her grief? Slap them with Flesh to Stone. Really want to give someone an annoying quest? Zap a Geas onto them as a standard action. It wasn't this one's time, but they're already beyond Breath of Life saving them? Bring them right back with a snap.

And with every Save-or-Suck she replicates to harass a necromancer or an annoying band of adventurers, she's got one last trick available: She wouldn't be a good servant of the Goddess of Fate if she didn't have some control over it. So, 3/day as an immediate action, she can force any creature she can see--including herself--to reroll any roll and take the new result. Good for negating enemy critical hits, great for negating high saves or giving her another chance against a Save-or-Suck she's vulnerable to. It's only 3/day, but so is 75% of her kit! She's got a grand total of thirty level 5+ spells to throw out round after round, and that's only if she's decided a problem can't be handled with her fists or her gaze attack which, need I remind you, can lock any living or undead creature out of a fight anywhere from 2 to 8 rounds?

Her robust spell list and sturdy nature sits her firmly at the top of the Neutral Heralds, if not most of the existing Heralds. Normally when the Steward of the Skein appears among mortals, it's to bless the birth of an important, blessed person, or to destroy someone tampering with the sanctity of the Cycle of Souls. If you meet her out and about and there isn't a newborn or necromancer in sight, you'd better hope you don't need to roll initiative.

You can read more about her here.

[apricusnights]

Chapter Nineteen: The Curtain Rises.

Location: UnKnOwN.

Violet: "Has anyone actually bothered to think about WHY we're here?" Sliding underneath one of the chimeras and unloading a few rounds into it before rolling away.

Lye: "We got kidnapped!" Standing back-to-back with Amias and kicking away one of the smaller chimeras.

Onyx: "I believe she's asking why we were kidnapped." Wrapping his wires around the legs of a chimera and tripping it up so Lapis and Jae can finish it off.

Nava: "Maybe they just felt like making us play these stupid games." Getting pulled out of the way of a charging chimera by Ajax but still managing to land a hit on it.

Cyrus: "If I had to take a guess, I'd assume they wanted something else from you. Was anything off when you woke up?" Glancing up at the White Rabbit Queen who was still just watching them.

Oct: "Let me just go and ask!" Activating his jetpack and flying up to where the queen was but immediately getting pushed back by some sort of forcefield.

Ajax: "What the fuck did you expect to happen!"

Oct: "Never hurts to try the direct approach!"

Onyx: "How much power can you focus at one time? I think I have a plan..."

Oct: "Just give me the word.."

White Rabbit (Queen): "Have everything been sent over? Good. So long as our dear friend got what he wanted, we get what we want."

Betrayer: "We need to leave. This location is likely to be further compromised."

White Rabbit (Biker): "Security systems just picked up someone else working their way through the complex."

White Rabbit (Queen): "Deal with whoever it is."

Just as she spoke, Onyx was flung through the air, grappling on to the balcony but instead of pulling himself up he swung back to the ground. Detaching the wires from his gauntlets and attaching them to Oct's armor.

Oct focused as much energy as he could from the armor through the wires and up to the balcony which began to overload the control panel keeping the forcefield up.

After a moment the forcefield faded away but the amount of energy it took would take Oct out of commission temporarily.

Onyx barely had a moment to gloat as he saw Yang sprint by and launch herself off of Oct's shoulders, flying up to the balcony. Her eyes fixed firmly on the scythe wielding white rabbit.

Onyx: "WAIT!"

Yang had no intention of listening to him though before she knew it, she felt the queen's hand grasping her right arm, she'd been caught right out of the air. The queen tilted her head as Yang started to feel her arm burning.

The queen tossed her back down to the ground as Yang clutched her right arm. A strange black energy was eating away at it.

The scythe user seemed to wince for a moment watching the blonde get thrown to the ground.

Cyrus: "We need to get her out of here! Amelia, can you hear me? Get an evac vehicle over to the opening we made, stat!"

Van: "Ya know, I have my own questions about why you're here, but we can save that till when we aren't being swarmed by chimeras!"

Oct: "I have enough in the tank to get her out, but I can't carry anyone else back up." Lifting up Yang and looking up to the large opening in the ceiling. He activated his jetpack, using the last bit of energy he had to fly them both up and out, hoping Amelia had a vehicle on the way.

White Rabbit (Biker): "They've almost managed to fight off all of our chimeras. It's going to be a pain to restock.."

White Rabbit (Queen): "It doesn't matter. Our deal has been completed." Motioning to something showing on her aShine.

"We have access to everything now. Time to get ready for the worldwide premiere."

White Rabbit (Biker): "What about this place?"

Betrayer: "It's useless now that it's been discovered. Pull everyone out and level it."

White Rabbit (Queen): "I believe you're correct. On to greener pastures as it were."

Lapis: "This is ridiculous, there's no end to these things."

Jae: "Maybe we should consider an escape tactic. Seems our hosts up there are doing just that."

Amias: "You know, I'm not really a fighter."

Onyx: "Your energy armor ability would suggest otherwise. You seem to be handling yourself just fine."

Amias: "Not the only thing I could handle just fine."

Lye: "Forget it, I already tried. He's straight."

Amias: "So is a.."

Onyx: "Spaghetti noodle, yes I'm aware. The answer is no."

Despite most of the group being exhausted from the earlier fight, the sadistic games, and the seemingly endless waves of chimeras they were standing there ground enough to begin turning the tide. The chimera waves were beginning to lessen, though the sudden notice of evacuation blaring over loudspeakers was becoming a major concern.

Van: "How the hell are we gonna get out of here?"

Ivory: "We could try climbing out the way Ajax and the others climbed down."

Ajax: "Too risky with all the chimeras, plus I'm not sure time is really on our side..."

Jae: "Amelia, can you find us a way out?"

Amelia via aShine: "Already ahead of you. I'm partially in the system. The balcony above you, try and get up to it and head down the hallway. I can lead you out into the tunnel system. Avoid the sewer exits. Someone is blocking off parts and redirecting the water. I think they are going to flood the complex."

Onyx launches himself up to the balcony with his wires and hooks them around a pillar before detaching them from his gauntlet and lowering them down to the ground for the others to climb up. One by one the group makes their way up the wires, the stronger fighters staying back to fend off the chimeras even as water begins to rush into the arena.

Van is the last to make the climb as Ivory and Violet shoot the chimeras from the balcony and give him cover. As he's almost at the top a chimera sprays its acid through the air. Van manages to slide down to avoid it, but the acid hit the wire he's climbing and begins to dissolve it.

The wire snaps but Lye suddenly grabs Van's arm as she's held over the side of the balcony by Cyrus. Cyrus pulls them both up and the three catch their breath.

The group begins to follow Amelia's directions as the complex is flooded with water rushing in from the sewer system. Further ahead the white rabbit queen, the betrayer, and the elite guard have made their way to a control room.

The queen sets the equipment to overload as an elevator opens behind them. They head for it as voice calls out. The masked woman who had been roaming the complex makes her way into the room.

Solstice: "Ruby!"

The scythe wielding white rabbit turns and tilts her head.

White Rabbit (Queen): "Late to the party again. Seems to be your modus operandi, Summer. Kill her."

White Rabbit (Scythe): Nods and unfolds her scythe.

Solstice glares at the queen and reluctantly readies herself for the fight.

To be concluded.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Nautilus, the Titan of the Depths build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Wesley Keil. Made for Riot Games.)

Hey remember when I said I’d be making Monks? There’s no particular reason why I’m making Nautilus right now: he’s one of those “iconic for being so generic” League characters that I feel never get thought about much. But even so he’s a big force to be reckoned with in any match you play against him, and he’s no doubt a powerful ally to have hold down any liches or demons you may be fighting.

GOALS

The endless march - Nautilus is a big, bulky, tanky boy with plenty of health and armor to shake a stick at.

Fear the ocean's weight - Hey isn’t it fun to get stunned for 4 seconds all from one champion? No I’m not talking about Morgana.

All will drown - Nautilus can do a surprising amount of damage with all his abilities up, so we’ll need to be able to burst foes when necessary.

RACE

Man if only there was a race for a giant walking suit of armor... Well I guess Warforged will have to do. You get +2 to your Constitution and another +1 that can go anywhere else: I’d bump Strength up a bit. You also have Specialized Design for one tool proficiency of your choice (Smith’s Tools are good to keep your armor sturdy, but honestly take whatever you want) along with a skill of your choice (I took Animal Handling as you’re always surrounded by deep-sea life, but it’s not like I’m forcing you to.) And while it’s technically not a part of Specialized Design you should also speak Abyssal while in the depths.

The main benefit of being a Warforged of course is Integrated Protection. Along with being fused to your armor (almost like you’re just a living diving suit) you gain a +1 to AC. But you also have Constructed Resilience for a bunch of nice effects (advantage / resistance to poison, no need to eat, sleep, or breath) and only go in a Sentry’s Rest during a Long Rest, remaining fully aware as you stand motionless for 6 hours.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - You are weighed down by both your armor and your anchor, both of which are extremely heavy.

14; CHARISMA - More for Intimidation than Persuasion, although you’re welcome to do that too.

13; CONSTITUTION - You’re a tank and armor can only get you so far; you will take hits from time to time.

12; WISDOM - As a servant of the depths you are naturally attuned to the teachings of the tide.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Teachings of the tide are more spiritual in nature. You are just a legendary sea monster, after all. 

8; DEXTERITY - Nautilus is a slow boy. Sure dumping a different stat would probably be smarter, but we strive for accuracy here. Something which you won’t have if you ever fight at range.

BACKGROUND

The Sailor background works... I mean, not well but you try to find a background for an ancient legendary sea monster serving the will of an elder god. You gain proficiency with Athletics and Perception as well as Navigator’s Tools and Water Vehicles.

The main benefit is that your Ship's Passage trait makes it easy for you and your friends to find someone willing to sail you across the ocean, as long as you pay tribute in both coin and possibly work on the ship. Yes ultimately you won’t be able to live up to the legends told about you, but at least you’ll have a benefit in your natural waters.

(Artwork by Kienan “Knockwurst” Lafferty. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - PALADIN 1

Starting off as a Paladin for starting equipment, armor proficiency, saving throw proficiency, and proficiency with Intimidation and Insight. (Yes something like Persuasion would probably be better than a Wisdom skill, but Nautilus is not a sociable person, even if I have to give him Charisma as a Paladin.)

As a Paladin you also get Divine Sense to detect any Celestials, Fiends, or Undead near you. And you get Lay on Hands which can be used to heal your ADC in a pinch. For 5 health. Because level 1 Paladin is fun.

LEVEL 2 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins get a Fighting Style and as a giant diver suit more Defense is rather universally useful for more AC. More importantly however you get Spellcasting: you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down.) For now prepare Cure Wounds to take the Heal summoner spell for your ADC, Heroism to shield yourself (or your AC) with some temporary hitpoints, and Thunderous Smite to knock foes down with the weight of your anchor.

Alternatively you can strike with the strength of the depths, channeling a Divine Smite. The simple formula to remember with Divine Smite is that you deal a number of d8s equal to the level of the spell slot used plus 1, and if it’s against undead you add two d8s. So a 1st level Divine Smite does 2d8 (or 3d8 against Dead), and then it increases for the level of the spell slots used.

LEVEL 3 - PALADIN 3

Third level Paladins get to choose their Sacred Oath, and as an ancient titan of the sea Oath of the Ancients will be our subclass of choice. Along with adding Ensnaring Strike to your spell list (which is kinda just a better version of Thunderous Smite) as well as Speak with Animals you get two Channel Divinity options:

I’m going to mention Turn the Faithless first because it only affects Fiends and Fey, which you might not deal with often. But it basically makes them run away from you when you activate the ability. Nature’s Wrath however will let you choose a foe within 10 feet to ensnare with vines... or seaweed, if you want to keep to your original thematic. The target will be forced to make either Strength or Dexterity saves against your spell save to avoid being restrained by your Staggering Blows.

Alternatively you could use your Channel Divinity to Harness Divine Power and recover a spell slot equal to half your proficiency bonus (rounded up.) And I guess I can mention Divine Health even though you were already immune to diseases.

LEVEL 4 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get their first ability score improvement, and seeing as Strength affects the blows with your anchor increase that by 2.

Also I know I haven’t been talking much about your spells much, but that’s because I was waiting for...

LEVEL 5 - PALADIN 5

5th level Ancients Paladins get Extra Attack, allowing you to swing your anchor twice per turn. More importantly however you get access to 2nd level spells: as an Ancients Paladin you get Moonbeam (which unfortunately requires your action to move around each turn, meaning you can’t use it and swing your anchor. It is pretty good if you can hold someone down in its range however) and Misty Step. For Flash.

Additionally I’d probably unprepare Thunderous Smite now that you have Ensnaring Strike, and instead prepare Aid to boost your allies’ health with a Grasp of the Undying, and Warding Bond to make a Knight’s Vow with an ally.

(Artwork by Zuoan Dong and Kudos Productions. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 6 - FIGHTER 1

Quickly hopping over to Fighter because more crowd control felt more important for Artificer than more resistances. That doesn’t mean Second Wind won’t help you to keep yourself alive to inflict your Titan’s Wrath.

But what we’re mainly here for is the Superior Technique Fighting Style. This will let you learn a maneuver from the Battle Master subclass, and give you a d6 to use said maneuver. Which one will we be taking? Trip Attack, of course. Force strength saves or knock foes prone with your staggering blows. It’s better to use Ensnaring Strike if your ranged ADC is going to fighting the foe, but Trip Attack comes back on a Short Rest and has good synergy with melee allies.

LEVEL 7 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters can move with surprising speed, as Action Surge will let you take an additional action on your turn. You can do a lot with this extra action: attack more (the obvious choice), cast spells, move around, heal allies... The only limit is your imagination, and the obvious limitations of only having one extra action.

LEVEL 8 - FIGHTER 3

3rd level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype, and man I wonder what subclass we’ll be choosing when we already have the Superior Technique Fighting Style...

Yeah Battle Master gives you more Combat Superiority dice (four of them, which are d8s) which can be used on the three new Maneuvers you learn (or on Trip Attack.) Regardless Bait and Switch will let you save your ADC from their own bad positioning and give them some more armor to hopefully not die, Distracting Strike will make a foe easier for your allies to hit (if you can’t knock them prone because your ADC wants to shoot them), and Goading Attack will make it harder for them to hit your allies.

Much like your d6 from Superior Technique these dice come back on a Short or Long Rest. And finally you can grab proficiency with one Artisan’s Tool of your choice thanks to Student of War: I opted for Cartography Tools because well... I’m still trying to pick up abilities related to living in Bilgewater, even if you live at the bottom of the sea.

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 6

Now that you can hold people down along with their boats I think more defense would be nice. 6th level Paladins get Aura of Protection, boosting their saving throws by an amount equal to their Charisma modifier, which currently isn’t a lot but... hey: it’s something. What’s better however is that your allies within 10 feet of you also get that boost, as your mere presence attracts fire away from them! Your foes are probably just focusing the bigger target, after all.

You can also prepare more spells like... Prayer of Healing? It’s good for out-of-combat healing. Lesser Restoration is also a decent option to deal with any potential crowd control heading for your big head, or your smaller friends.

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 7

A big guy you is going to get hit by a lot of spells. Good thing magic resistance is cheap to come by, as Aura of Warding gives you and your allies within 10 feet resistance to the damage from any and all incoming spells! Now this won’t protect you from magical things that aren’t technically spells, but against any mid-lane mages this added resistance will help you and your friends keep alive.

Additionally you can now use Harness Divine Power twice per Long Rest to recover some 2nd level spells, which is about as high as your spell slots will go anyways.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 8

8th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement, and if you feel like your Paladin spells aren’t taking much effect more Charisma would make them more likely to restrain your foes while also having the added bonus of increasing your saving throws.

More Charisma does mean you can prepare more spells like Bless, Command, Compelled Duel, or other things like that, but honestly the main reason I went into Paladin was the class features and the spells are kinda a nice added bonus. Remember that as your Charisma increases later in the build you’ll be able to prepare more Paladin spells, because I’m probably not going to mention them again.

(Artwork by Mike Azevedo. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 1

I hope you didn’t think the literal ageless deep-sea monstrous titan who literally works for an elder sea god wouldn’t have some Warlock levels. More specifically levels in the Undead Patron for Form of Dread to get your Titan's Wrath shield. As a bonus action you can transform for 1 minute, which along with giving you temporary hitpoints equal to your Warlock level plus a d10 and immunity to the frightened condition will give you the ability to inflict fear on those you hit until the end of your next turn. Frightening enemies is rather nice because it makes your enemies have disadvantage to hit anyone as long as you’re in their line-of-sight, and as an added bonus they will become too afraid to approach you.

But of course the main boon of being a Warlock is Pact Magic, which works like regular Spellcasting except not at all. You do get cantrips for a start, so grab Mage Hand to use your anchor to grab things from afar, and Toll the Dead to give yourself a ranged attack that also works well against foes with good armor.

But the main benefit is that you get two (currently just one, but soon to be two) Pact Magic slots that come back after a Short Rest, which can be used to cast spells as you see fit. Basically Warlocks get few spell slots that come back on a Short Rest, but they follow regular spell slot rules which of course means you can Smite with your Pact Slots.

Anyways the only spell I’d really recommend grabbing is Armor of Agathys: sure there are other good spells like Hex, Arms of Hadar (for your Riptide), or Hellish Rebuke but I’d mostly suggest using your lower level Pact slots to cast your far stronger Paladin spells like Ensnaring Strike or... well yeah Ensnaring Strike. (There’s other good ones but it’s most in-character to cast Ensnaring Strike lol.) Or just use your pact slots for Divine Smites.

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations like Eldritch Mind, granting you advantage on your concentration checks to ensure you keep foes ensnared. Also if you were getting frustrated about your lack of darkvision as a deep-sea Warforged take Devil’s Sight to actually get darkvision that can also see through magical darkness, because Warlocks are cool like that.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 3

3rd level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: since you’re going to be swinging your anchor for the most part Pact of the Blade does still make the most sense, but you could probably justify any of the Pact Boons as we don’t need anything particular from Pact of the Blade. Sorry that I don’t have much to say about this since it’s sorta just flavor that we have to deal with while getting the rest of your class features.

More importantly however your Pact slots go up to 2nd level, meaning you can prepare 2nd level spells like Ray of Enfeeblement (for Exhaust which might not help at this high level but eh it’s in-character), and Blindness / Deafness from the Undead spell list for some non-concentration crowd control. But most importantly however you can (finally) grab Hold Person to launch a Depth Charge that will hold a foe in place... as long as they keep failing their Wisdom saving throws... and are a humanoid... You know maybe you should just be spending your spell slots on Divine Smite.

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement and seeing as you’re now investing more into Warlock than anything I’d suggest more Charisma to improve your spell saves and decrease the chance your foes won’t be frightened by your presence.

You can also learn more spells but there aren’t many more I want at this level. (Hell if anything I’d probably drop Ray of Enfeeblement right about now.) So instead of talking about leveled spells I’m going to say you should take the  Minor Illusion, which may make your foes see shadows in the depths that aren’t actually there.

(Artwork by West Studio. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and... I dunno. Cloak of Flies can give you a Sunfire Aegis if you want to be the party’s main tank. Mire the Mind can be helpful. Or you can just bank everything into one big hit with Eldritch Smite, which has some merit. Honestly the Invocations I actually want are at higher levels.

But on the bright side you can get more spells! Drop Ray of Enfeeblement (like seriously that spell is awful past 2nd level lol) to grab Hunger of Hadar to summon more creatures from the depths to fight your foes, and... I dunno Counterspell is good to stop those unworthy from using magic to escape.

But what we’re really here for is Spirit Shroud! Use your Titan’s Wrath to increase your damage, and also reliably slow down your foes in case you can’t hold them down. I’d still argue that Ensnaring Strike is your best choice to keep enemies down, but Spirit Shroud is good if you just need to do damage.

LEVEL 17 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have been under the sea for so long that they become Grave Touched. Along with not needing to eat, drink, or breath you can make any damage you do become Necrotic damage. And while in your Form of Dread you can roll an additional damage die whenever you deal Necrotic damage.

I never mentioned what your “anchor” should be but a Greataxe probably fits the best both aesthetically and for damage output. With Grave Touched you can turn your d12 weapon damage into 2d12 damage while in your Form of Dread! Do keep in mind that you can only do this once per turn, but combined with Spirit Shroud you can actually start dealing some good damage!

You can also prepare another spell but I’m going to wait for...

LEVEL 18 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can learn 4th level spells, so drop Hunger of Hadar (because it doesn’t scale up with spell slot level) to grab Dimension Door (because you have low mobility so the Teleport Summoner Spell is great to have), Death Ward from the Undead spell list (to give yourself or an ally a Guardian Angel; it lasts for 8 hours so if you have any spare spell slots you should just pass it around to the group!) and... hey why not go deep and use  Summon Aberration to get some allied sea monsters to help.

On top of that you get more Eldritch Invocations: take Trickster’s Escape to give yourself some tenacity, because a big guy like you will need it. But honestly we’re going to be swapping a lot of invocations soon.

LEVEL 19 - WARLOCK 8

8th level Warlocks get one last Ability Score Improvement, and the choice is up to you: if you want to hit as hard as possible with your anchor get more Strength. If you want to be frightening and magical (and also protect nearby allies) more Charisma would be good. If you find yourself taking a lot of damage and losing concentration however Resilient Constitution would give you a bit more health and also boost your concentration checks considerably.

You could also learn another spell, but (once again) I’m going to wait for...

LEVEL 20 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks finally get the good Eldritch Invocations, and you probably didn’t expect me to incorporate Nautilus’ joke animation into this build, did you? Drop either Cloak of Flies and Trickster’s Escape (just lose whichever one you think isn’t as useful it’s probably Cloak of Flies though) in favor of Whispers of the Dead (which probably isn’t that useful by total level 20 but is definitely in-character) and Ascendant Step, to stop that anchor from weighing you down!

And finally you get 5th level Pact slots, which along with being really good to Smite with also lets you cast Antilife Shell from the Undead spell list, and Hold Monster to take the beasts of the depths down with you! You could probably drop some of your other Warlock spells for more powerful 5th level spells, but I think your repertoire makes enough sense currently. Not that you’re going to hit level 20 anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Peer into the darkness - You’re a sturdy boy with good AC (despite your lack of a shield) and great saving throws, not to mention a nice solid healthbar due to your good Constitution score.

Drag them down - Wow can you believe that the character I designed to have a lot of CC has a lot of CC? Even if you’re just using Ensnaring Strike and Trip Attacks you can really hamper your foes movement and make them easy pickings for your allies.

I will have vengeance - You can actually do good damage when you try thanks to Spirit Shroud, Grave Touched, and (of course) your Smites.

CONS

The tide ebbs - Much like in League your Achilles’ Heel is going to be foes who have good Tenacity (IE Strength saves) or can otherwise avoid being held down by you.

This anchor just weighs me down - Also much like in League you’re a very slow boy with basically no ranged options, meaning that any enemy who can keep their distance and poke you from afar will leave you treading water.

Lost and forgotten - In the quest for as much crowd control as possible you lose out on some stats: having 20s in your main stats would be nice, and having an uneven Constitution isn’t great either. Perhaps this build is better with Point Buy or simply rolling for stats, because your weird level split will leave you starved for ability scores.

But those flaws won’t matter much with allies by your side to help you sink your foes. Be a shield for your allies and hold down your enemies as you drag them all to the depths. No man stands alone in an empty sea, and allies are never more than a quick swim away.

(Artwork by Lucas Parolin and West Studio. Made for Riot Games.)

[utilitycaster]

Bladesinger requires a totally different playstyle. To really take advantage of it you have to play really selfishly, lots of self buffs and the like. If played right you can be invincible and put out damage that matches fireball every turn for free, but one crit will kill you. It's definitely different, I think it's a subclass that is almost an entire class by itself. You won't lament that you didn't choose a different subclass because you're barely playing a wizard in the first place

With the caveat that I haven't played bladesinger this actually doesn't sound like what the problems are (other than needing to play really selfishly, which is also, for me, a complete dealbreaker: I don't want to play that and I don't want to play with or DM for people who play like that).

The class gives you armor proficiency and one one-handed melee weapon. The bladesong, additionally, boosts your AC by your intelligence mod (which is presumably in the +3 to +5 range at levels 2 and up), increases your speed, grants advantage on dexterity checks, and a bonus to con saves to maintain concentration; it later lets you attack twice or attack once and then cast a cantrip.

Here are the problems as I see them:

1. Zero attack or damage buffs until level 14. Everything is defensive. This isn't bad and indeed it's very necessary but compare to like, a hexblade, who can use charisma as their attack stat, or a swords bard who gets a fighting style with mild damage buffs and who can use flourishes to boost damage. Those classes also get medium armor proficiency rather than merely light and already have a d8 hit die.

2. You only get the benefits of the bladesong when the bladesong is active, so if someone crits on you not only do you go unconscious as you said; you wake up and your AC is lower and your con bonus to concentration is gone. Now, this is comparable to say, the rage mechanic, but the crucial difference here is barbarians have a trillion hit points and you do not, and also they get equal or more rages than a bladesinger gets bladesongs per level. Oh by the way: Mage armor AC is 14+dex, 8 hours, no concentration. Standard Light Armor is 11+dex, so the net effect of the bladesinger benefits is a cool +2 AC for up to 6 minutes a day at level 17 or higher. Granted, you can get enchanted light armor but that costs money and you're (checks notes) a wizard.

3. The Dex check ability is rarely useful in combat; dex saves would have been. So that's nothing, unless you want to burn a bladesong during a skill challenge.

4. You're a melee wizard, so Int and Con better be good. Probably isn't great to dump Wis too much because a hold person will kill the bladesong and also probably you, although your proficiency means you could stick a 12 in that stat and hope for the best. You need good dex or strength for weapon attacks; probably pick dex unless you are dressed to the nines in enchanted light armor which again, ok wizard with no discounts to certain schools. In other words: unless you rolled like an absolute dream - and to be fair, I have done this - you are getting grappled every damn day. Oh also good luck fitting in the warcaster feat with all those stat needs, again, unless you rolled very well or took variant human from the start.

5. Unlike a hexblade or valor bard, who can in fact build themselves as a ranged fighter with little issue, you really can't without dropping or not using the bladesong, ie, your core class feature.

In short: I actually don't see how it boosts your damage. It does boost your AC by a lot and offer a buff to con saves but honestly mage armor + the warcaster feat +mobile are almost as good as the bladesong features and they don't have the weird conditions.

Now, there is a way around some of these issues, but it is slightly silly: drow bladesinger with a hand crossbow (since drow get that proficiency as a racial ability). It's a one-handed weapon, but it's ranged and unlike daggers you don't need to run in and pick it up when thrown. You can stay far enough away from melee to avoid things like grapples or the worst of attacks, while still getting the AC boost from any ranged attacks from others. And because you get no damage bonuses predicated on you being in melee? It doesn't really matter! The one downside is you do sort of need to exclusively fight outside of bright sunlight, although you're a wizard, just use AOE/saves/teammate buffs in sunlit fights

[themoomoorn]

Random Thot #46,853

I had a health exam for my upcoming new job and put my two weeks in for my current one, so I’m rewarding my neurodivergent ass-brain with this.  Sit tight and enjoy.

46,853: I’m half-convinced that Edelgard is like the Soul Series’ Alexandra sisters and daughter when it comes to her combat ability - or rather, lack thereof.  Unlike Claude, Dimitri, and Byleth, who all explicitly received combat training as children, Edelgard likely did not.  The tools given to her are what likely allow for her to fight at all - heck, they may even do a bit of the fighting for her.  How else can a noodle-armed womanlet like her wear all that armor and heft that axe?  

(Also, how the eff does this dress make clanking armor sounds when she walks in the game despite this dress having like no armor whatsoever)

To begin with, we have in-game factoids of her stat caps being the second highest in the game (390 when combined, with Cyril only beating her by 5 points due to his Aptitude skill), and she even has a magic cap that’s not only on-par with other magically-inclined units (72), but it’s actually better than some of them (Dorothea and Linhardt, who are both dedicated mage types, have caps of 61 and 66, respectively, while Manuela, who tends to get placed in Faith Magic-aligned classes despite being a hybrid unit, has a piddling cap 48).  She even has a quirky but feasible spell list for both magic types (Fire/Bolganone/Luna Lambda/Hades Omega for Reason, and Heal/Nosferatu/Recover/Seraphim for Faith, which is one of her banes, mind you).  I imagine this is the work of the experiments that gave her her version of the Crest of Flames - after all, the 2020 DREAM interview noted that the Hresvelg children were given a more “refined” version of the experiments the Ordelias had.  The refinement isn’t just reflected in-game with caps and magic too; Edelgard is also more robust in terms of health, whereas Lysithea is prone to bouts of weakness and illness.  In-game, she has poor Luck and Strength, and the single lowest HP cap of all the playable units at 48.  And while this one is admittedly conjecture, Edelgard doesn’t hint that her lifespan was drastically cut, as she gets to live a long life in all of her endings.  Even in her Crest-heavy ending with Hanneman or her healthcare-related ending with Manuela don’t mention that she had one or both of her Crests taken out.  Lysithea, on the other hand, is extensively motivated by the fact that she doesn’t have many years left, and it’s only in two endings (Lorenz, Balthus) where she’s able to live fairly long without removing her Crests; The rest either have her dying young or being able to live long only after her Crests are taken out.

Now what of her combat abilities?  Let’s turn to the source of where this silly thot came from.

For the uninitiated, Sophitia Alexandra, a fighter who’s been in the Soul Franchise since its very first game, did not grow up as a dedicated combatant like the other fighters - she was an ordinary baker living in Athens during the late 16th Century when Greece was part of the Ottoman Empire.  When she was bathing in a lake one day, she received a message from Hephaestus himself in that she has a divine destiny to destroy the cursed blade Soul Edge, and he gifts her with a divinely crafted short sword and shield in order to fulfill her mission.  While she does gain training in Athenian combat styles, a lot of her power and capabilities are tied to her weapon set, which are named the Omega Sword and Elk Shield.  Her younger sister Cassandra would follow suit in SoulCalibur II, actually going out of her way to steal the same holy armaments Sophitia used in Soul Edge and SoulCalibur I before getting her own specially empowered set.

(Sophitia Alexandra)

And Pyrrha, Sophitia’s daughter in SoulCalibur V, takes it to new heights.  Per a data book, the timid, mistreated Pyrrha has absolutely no combat experience, not even in self-defense.  While Sophitia and Cassandra were able to train themselves into formidable soldiers outside of their divine weapons’ influences, this is not true for Pyrrha.  If it were not for the sword and shield Pyrrha wielded (which is the same exact set Sophitia wielded before her passing), her clumsy attacks and timid guard stances would amount to ineffectual, useless flailing.  

(Info about Pyrrha’s fighting style from the SCV data book)

Back to the Egg.  Now it’s made abundantly clear that while Dimitri’s Jean Valjean-levels of raw strength heavily stem from his Crest, he’s also from the land where, in lieu of milk and honey, there’s extreme sports jock training in heavy armor in the dead of night with boulders for weights and weapon mastery.  Dimitri loves to train, and it’s a big aspect of his character.  The tritagonist of his route is also one of his combat trainers, and he’s done that job for three generations’ worth of Faerghus royalty, with his ending hinting that he keeps doing it for one more.  I imagine that even without the Crest of Blaiddyd, Dimitri would still be extremely strong and formidable, he’d just have to actually exert himself a little when saving some poor soul from a runaway cart.

(Just in case the savior imagery wasn’t clear enough with Dimitri, he even did lift a cart the way eventual saint Jean Valjean did in the book/musical)

Claude is far more in favor of covert combat, and his own Crest is more defensive than offensive, but he’s no slouch either, having had a renowned war general serve as his combat instructor since childhood.  He’s from a kingdom that, much like Faerghus, values the way of the warrior and prides itself on the strength of its people.  His hidden talent, tying to wyvern mastery, is in friggin axes, and he’s also shown to be adept enough with a sword at various points.  Plus there’s the fact that he was abused and mistreated by his Almyran family, complete with his father plopping him on a horse and making the horse ride off with him backwards with no safety net as a form of punishment - Claude tells Hilda that there was a “trick” in how he survived that.  As any horse jockey can attest to, you need raw muscle in every part of your body in order to really ride one, and I imagine that’s doubly true for your local albino wyvern that’s decked out in Ottoman visual puns.  Plus learning how to be crafty and protecting oneself more covertly undoubtedly contributed to his combat abilities too.

(I mean you’d have to be shredded if you can pull off the Parthian shot on a fucking flying dragon.  61 Strength cap my ass.)

Byleth, as we know, grew up as a mercenary to the point of detriment.  There’s no need to go into extensive detail as to how Jeralt sacrificed almost everything else in exchange for contributing to Byleth’s combat abilities without being abusive and cruel, but even if you took away Byleth’s self-insert aspects, they’d likely bear a passing resemblance to Rei Ayanami in terms of behavior and attitude - An intended vessel/Avatar for a divine being from one end; Conditioned for little more than combat from another end.  Kind of a gloomy picture before she starts to express herself better and actually bond with other people meaningfully.  

(At least she’s cute as a button.  Kinda like Rei.)

But where does that leave Edelgard?  It’s a big question mark.  There’s no mention of her growing up with any kind of combat training, unlike the other three.  Heck, if tea time, Crimson Flower, and Heroes quotes are anything to go by, Edelgard grew up living a carefree lifestyle prior to the Insurrection.  She got to stuff her face with sweets and play with teddy bears and both dote and be doted on by her siblings.  Being child number 9 in her current generation, combat training and political studies likely weren’t major priorities for her, and since it’s speculated that Ionius favored her mother, she was likely lavished and spoiled by him.  After all, he expresses grief for her specifically when she inherits the throne from him, not the rest of her siblings.    

(Even the official merchandise notes how childish Edelgard is)

(This is all after she literally kickstarts her war, by the way).

While there’s varying degrees of elaborate flair that the Lords all wield their weapons with, Edelgard’s regular strikes with an axe feel far less rigid and more informal, and she’ll spin around her axe like it’s some kind of prop.  Her default battle stance isn’t even remotely protective and quite impractical; Dimitri’s stance with a lance is both of these things, while Claude’s arrow-twirling is a real-life exercise that’s done to keep the wrist flexible.  While she does refine her axe skills come Part II, she’ll still do things like throw her massive shield ten feet in the air for a critical hit.

(Seriously what even is this why is your hand out like that)

There’s even some proof of this: In her study request for axes and heavy armor, Edelgard will even acknowledge that the only reason she can likely keep up and wear heavy armor at all is because of her Crests.  And unlike Dimitri and Claude, who can get lesson plans for their respective Hidden Talents once they’re mastered (Horse riding for Dimitri, axes for Claude), Edelgard doesn’t get a lesson plan for Reason Magic, which is her Hidden Talent, so she likely didn’t get any kind of formal education surrounding magic either.  

(She has a similar quote in Heroes that’s even more explicit about this.)

The closest hint we get in Edelgard maybe having a hint of training as a child is in her Supports with Ferdinand, and even then, there’s no clear cut hint noting that his failures in beating her were combat-based.  She’s able to one-hit KO him in their B Support, but it’s locked to Part II and at this point she’s been both riding on the power highs of her Crests along with actually taking combat seriously.  She even says that their difference in skill level isn’t that great.

(Should’ve used Swift Strikes, Ferdie)

What’s more, in addition to all of those enhancements, she not only spends a lot of Part I in a custom set of armor that only archaic technology from the Agarthans can make, but they also made her a custom Relic that’s tailor-made to her specifications.  The other Relics as well as the Sacred Weapons, being over a thousand years old, still require their wielders to train in order to wield them properly, and in the case of the Relics, their potential cannot be fully tapped into unless the wielder’s Crest matches the Relic they’re wielding.  There’s also that particular safety issue, per what happens with Sylvain’s brother Miklan.  But this is not the case with Aymr, which is brand new, has a mismatched Crest that doesn’t negatively affect Edelgard, and requires the Agarthan tech-compatible Agarthium to fix, not the Umbral Steel that’s used to fix both the Heroes’ Relics and other Crest Stone weapons like the Vajra-Mushti.  The Aymr’s specific Combat Art even emulates the oft-broken Galeforce skill from Awakening and Fates.  It feels like that Aymr in particular is the Edelgard what Hephaestus’ swords and shields are to the Alexandra family.  

Now I don’t really think that an Edelgard who’d be stripped of her Crest of Flames, the Amyr, or her special Flame Emperor armor, would be as hapless as Pyrrha would be without her mother’s sword and shield.  I imagine she likely started to do some kind of formal combat training once the experiments were done with, not just to kickstart her dreams of imperial conquest, but also to protect herself anyway after everything that happened; She’s also the only Hresvelg heiress of her generation left.  There’s also her natural Minor Crest of Seiros to consider.  But if you stripped all that away from her, then her ability to fight probably would come off as useless flailing to the other three more experienced combatants.  

All those cakes and that lack of muscle would at least catch up to her, anyway.

[ozzmodeus-main]

A/N: FIRST OBEY ME FIC and it’s the shy shut in!!! might seem like a weird concept but if uve played any fromsoftware game u might know what emotions beating a boss evokes lmao. I had a full smut planned but I might make that a part two if you guys like it!! It’s been so long since I wrote fluff too so,, yay!! lol

Fluff leading to soft lime

Levi/Fem! Reader

Sweet Victory

Being invited to help Levi beat a boss wasn’t new, but the set up for this one was.

Levi had gotten an infamously hard game a while back, Help! I’ve Been Thrown Into A Lovecraftian Victorian Gothic Nightmare, and talked MC into getting the same game on her console. It became a surprise bond between her and Levi, they talked about the game constantly with each other. She’d gotten good since, working hard on buffing her character up to beat the game. It was a great trade off, the game was hard enough that she had to learn the enemies, but that made it all the more rewarding when she beat a hard boss. They both got the DLC, and over the course of a month, they’d beaten all the bosses and beat the game.

Well, almost all of them.

The one boss they’d both had yet to beat, the final boss of the DLC, who’d been so insanely hard that it took MC off guard her first try, the oh-too-familiar ‘You Died’ screen popping up as the boss still slashed at the dead player only seconds after the cutscene ended. After dedicating a night to it, she gave up, content with the other trophies she’d wracked up.

Levi was... not so well off.

He’d obsessed over forum after forum about the boss; best weapon, best armor, best character stats; everything. Eventually, he’d stumbled onto a post claiming that they’d found an exploit that made it easier to beat the boss.

Only one problem. He needed a second player to beat it. The game had an online mode that put random players together based on character level and place in the game, but there weren’t any players online at the same place.

He’d been so disheartened by it he almost gave up, but then— a sliver of hope! A shining beacon!

“You need my help,” MC said slowly, “To beat the Orphan of Saz?”

“Yes,” Levi pulled out his D. D. D. to show her the post, “As much as it pains me to use an exploit, this is a big deal! If I beat this boss, I’ll have officially one-hundred percented the game, making me the first to do so!”

“And me the second.”

Levi huffed, “Yes, yes.”

She thought for a second, “How’re we gonna do that?”

Levi explained that they could make a whole game night of it— set up a second tv, MC’s console, get a bunch of snacks(straight from Akuzon to make sure Beel had food in the kitchen), and play until the boss was defeated.

And so it was decided.

Immediately after getting home from RAD, MC helped Levi move the system and TV to his room, making a big spot for the both of them in front of the TVs out of blankets and pillows. Levi ordered with same-day-delivery, and set out all the drinks and snacks for the both of them. Once they were settled after dinner, Levi explained the exploit and what weapons would be best.

Individually, they set up the game in online mode, Levi using an in-game item to summon MC’d character to his world once she had all the items she’d need. She did a ‘greet fellow hunter bow’ emoticon to his character. Levi chuckled and bowed back.

“Alright,” he said, suddenly more serious, “Let’s do this.”

———

It took hours to finally beat the boss.

After the first few rounds, they’d memorized his attacks and tells, and got so close to beating him twice.

MC was tired at this point, playing the game so aggressively into the wee hours of the morning, and Levi was furious. He muttered under his breath constantly about ‘stupid boss’ this and ‘normies’ that.

Almost all the snacks and drinks had been devoured, and the mini-pillow fort was a mess from Levi throwing pillows in frustration.

“Levi,” MC whined, “It’s so late—“

“We can’t stop now!” He pleaded, “We were so, so, SO close last time! We can do it, please!”

She mumbled but nodded, “Okay. One last try, alright?”

Levi nodded, “Alright. This time you go in first and I’ll execute the exploit, alright?”

She nodded and waited to get summoned back to his game. Their characters stepped through the fog, and the duo went to work picking at the boss’s health.

Soon, after dodges and parries and healing, Levi landed the last hit that took out the last bit of damage on the boss’s health bar.

“Oh my god— OH MY GOD!”

MC cried out when the boss finally collapsed, a big banner with NIGHTMARE SLAUGHTERED appearing on screen.

She was so full of adrenaline from the win she completely forgot how late it was, “We, we did it! We did it!”

She was excited, happy, relieved, pumped up, a rush of emotions had all hit her at once. She’d turned to Levi, ready to give him a high five, when he’d pulled her into his arms, his lips pressed to hers. She’d squeaked in surprise, and in the movement she’d lost her balance and fell back into the soft blankets.

The kiss broke when she fell, and Levi’s lips latched to her neck. Trailing kisses and nips along her hot skin, he looked for the sensitive parts to leave marks.

“Levi-i-iah,” MC lost her train of thought as he sucked softly at a spot under her ear, small gasps leaving her at the feeling. Her fingers wound themselves into his hair, encouraging his soft nips. “Where, mph, where did this come from?”

“I’m sorry,” Levi muttered against her skin, his hands were on her waist, bunching the fabric between his fingers, “I can’t— I can’t help it. I’m so hyped up, and, and I finally beat that boss,” He’d cut himself off as his fingers wiggled a bit underneath her sleep shirt, hands grasping at her sides and stomach, “Ah, youre... so soft...”

He’d pulled back a little to admire the small start of exposed skin, his eyes flicking everywhere from MC’s bellybutton to where her shorts dipped just low enough that he could see the band of her underwear.

“Please, MC, can I... c-claim my victory prize?”

She felt her face heat at his words and their insinuation, sure they’d hugged and kissed and high-fived but they hadn’t gone this far together before.

And MC would be lying if his eagerness didn’t get her excited too.

“Y-yes,” she realized she’d said it a little loud when his wide eyes met hers, “I-I... yes. Levi, I-I want you too. Please.”

He’d visibly relaxed at her words, nodding slowly and trailing his hands up to her chest.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to thank you for your help, too.”

[themudman]

( Credit to @thepastelpeach​ for the amazing art! Thank you so much!! ) 

Tolka Lore

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Tolkas were created by the goddess of nature, their purpose being to guard the goddess and other sacred landmarks. The Goddess made a giant crystal for them so that they could grow and bring new life into the world. They did their jobs well and for years, no one knew anything about them, till a party of adventures successfully took down a Tolka. After tearing into the dead Tolka, they found a giant crystal within it, this crystal holding mass amount of arcane energy. After this discovery, magic users would hunt these creatures down for their crystals, and once they found these crystals, they would use them to boost their powers, and during the great war of power, use them to make great weapons. Then, they found the giant crystal and split it into smaller pieces to make bigger fireball cannons. After all of this, Tolkas were very rare and would tend to hide from magic users. 

Tolka Life Stages

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Tolkas age very weird, ever since the crystal broke, the only way they could age was to kill another Tolka and absorb it so they can reach the next stage, only making these creatures rarer. The first is the egg, they start at the size of a chicken egg, but slowly grows to be the size of a bowling ball and gaps form around it. To hatch the egg, it needs to interact with a crystal, usually, the mother or the father would sacrifice itself for the egg, though sometimes, they can find another crystal to activate the egg. After this, The egg will hatch and a baby Tolka is born. Tolkas, when born, are around the size of a small dog and their mane and tail would just be little toughs. The white mask would be rounded. During this stage of their life, they would be taught how to walk, communicate, manners, and how to hunt and protect themselves. 

Tolkas next stage is child, at this point, they are the size of an English mastiff. Their mane and tail would have grown a bit at this point. The white mask would start to have a point. At this stage, the child would learn to play nicely, how to interact with certain creatures, how to kill an animal for food, and how to react towards adventurers. Mostly, they are taught to run from adventurers and how to fight them when you can’t run anymore, though there are some exceptions, those being if it was a child, a non-magic user, a druid, or if they have food and it hasn’t eaten for a long while, they are taught to still be careful around them and to approach slowly. 

Tolkas next stage is teen, their a little taller than the average male now. The mane and tail are almost full length and the point of the white mask has grown to a full point. This stage, the parent(s) would observe the Tolka and see if it is ready for its adulthood and what else it needs to learn. 

The last major stage for Tolkas is Adulthood. The mane and tail are fully grown and it’s as tall as a tree. This is when the adult will leave its parent(s) and continue is life. When it gets more crystals, it will grow in size and power and the larges Tolka is the size of a mountain, but no one has seen it in centuries, how big they grow depends on the size of the crystal. 

When a Tolka dies, it turns onto a hill, the size of it depends on the size of the creature. If it dies without its crystal in it, it will just be a bare hill, but if it dies with its crystal in it, it will then be a hill covered in flowers the color of which depends on its mane and crystal. 

Tolka Body

_______________________________________________________________________

The outside of the body is made to look like wood, so it can blend in with its forest environment, though if they live in mountains or swamps, they will adapt and blend into the environment they live in. The white mask is there to protect its face from weapons and is very sturdy, its also used as a weapon to pierce through some armors. The mane and tail are its most prominent feature of this creature, known to glow at night. The color of the mane can vary depending on the parents, but they can really be any color imaginable, just not really multiple colors, though it is possible, just incredibly rare. Within the Tolka, there is a crystal that keeps this creature alive. This crystal is pure arcane energy and is used to both keep it alive and to give it certain powers depending on how it was raised, for example, if raised to hide, it will know spells that would hide it or trick its enemy into thinking it’s not there, and if taught to fight, it will know lots of destruction spells to attack with.

Tolka Habits/ect.

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Tolkas are very shy and nervous creatures due to the mass genocide of them and their crystal being taken and broken, so they tend to be very wary of humans and other races. Though it’s not unheard of for some magic users and other people to raise a Tolka as their own. They usually play like a dog would and are very energetic. Tolkas like warmer climates, though they can adapt to very cold climates. They are omnivores! Some Tolkas live in groups to survive and so if they were attacked, they could defend themselves better. To find out if a Tolka is male or female, you just have to look at their body, if they have lighter bark, they are a female, and if they have dark bark, they are male. Sometimes, though rare, they can have both light and dark bark, making them both of them at once.

Tolka Stats and Abilites

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The base stats are

STR- 16(+3)

DEX- 10(+0)

CON- 12(+1)

INT- 13(+1)

WIS- 17(+3)

CHA- 14(+2)

Armor Class = 16

Initiative = +0

Hit Points = 80 (beefy) 

Recommended for higher leveled Players

(These can change depending on how you want to use this creature)

Attacks - Peck = 2d8+3 Piercing Damage

Stomp = 2d6+3 Bludging Damage

Movement Speed = 40ft

Passive Perception = 12

 (spells are up to the DM)

What Im Doing with Tolkas In My Campaign

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I gave my players a Tolka egg and what im doing is that they have to raise this creature and depending on how they raise it, their Tolka could help them, or be a detriment to them. And They will have to hide this creature from the public so that no one knows that they have it and report it. Depending on how they raise it, it will learn spells and abilities that can help them. 

If there are any questions, feel free to ask me!!

[sixx02]

Unfair

Sorry in advanced, not great at fights.

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Jaune found that he quite liked the blue sky above he had, of course, had the time to become intimately familiar with it.  Once again, he found himself in a small crater, his back against the ground.  There was one thing he had learned quite early in life, life wasn’t fair.  He got that, he understood that at a fundamental level.  He wasn’t the best fighter in his family, hell he wasn’t even the best fighter amongst his little trio, he was definitely the sturdiest, but that belonged to Nora.  Honestly?  He was perfectly okay with that, however, what he wasn’t okay was just how infuriatingly good his eldest sister was.  

They all started at the same damn time, by all means, she should have been the worst fighter in the family.  She hadn’t started till she was 16, she was 21 now, so she had a late start.  But NO, no she had to take to combat so infuriatingly well that she was already better than their dang parents.  That was honestly upsetting, normally Jaune didn’t have these thoughts, but when he was currently in a 3 v 1, himself, his brother, and Nora against their unarmed sister, and were still losing?  Well that couldn’t help but stur some rather negative emotions.

Before he could even get up though, he heard a loud thud to his left, taking a peak he found himself joined by his brother Lie.  In the distance another loud crash, the crackling of lightning, and the thudding of thunder resounded around them.  Nora was going all out, she really wanted to win this time, he couldn’t blame her.  

Turning to his brother he couldn’t help but voice his opinion, “Hey Lie.”

“Yes Jaune?”  Was the muffled reply he received, from the currently face down Lie Ren Arc.

“Why are the women in our life so terrifying?”  He couldn’t help but let out a small whimper at that.

“It was bound to happen… we are heavily outnumbered 3 to 9.”  Lie was slowly trying to get up, Jaune himself however; hadn’t bothered yet, he felt like playing dead for a little longer.

“Ya but like… Rouge is terrifying, and Nora isn’t that far behind.”  This time instead of a thud, a rather loud boom and crack trembled towards them, both brothers were shifted back slightly by this one.  

Lie, was about to answer, but their little conversation was soon interrupted by Nora.  “LIE REN ARC, JAUNE ARC!  You both better be unconscious, or I swear to the brother’s I’m going to make sure you are!”  This caused the both of them to shiver a little bit, that wasn’t something they needed.  “You both best be getting up, your queen demands her assistants!”  

A sigh escaped both of their lips, “Well then Lie, you heard the Queen.  Looks like the Rook and Bishop are required in the end.”  The only response he got was a grunt of approval, and soon both of them found themselves standing, staring at the carnage that was rott by their elder sister and Nora.

It’d been 4 years since Jaune had unlocked his semblance, and as things turned out, it wasn’t super unique.  As time went on, all of his sisters had unlocked some form of Aura control, he could boost aura of himself and others, which had semblance boosting properties too, was really neat, a nice all around stat boost.  Saph didn’t fight, she hadn’t cared for it, and had recently moved to Argus, to live with her new girlfriend, she said it was for studying abroad but he knew better.  Terra was a sweet girl honestly, he supposed they’d be getting another sister soon.  

His other sisters had varying degrees, Verte could harden her aura allowing her to hit incredibly hard and making her far more dense than she should be. Bleue could enhance her brain functions with Aura, she was able to see things slower, and he swore she had eyes in the back of her head.  The twins were fast, like really fast, and if they were together they were even faster; their aura was concentrated on their legs it seemed.  Little Viollete had a fun one, she was able to actually spread out her aura, it hampered anything she wanted to, if something was falling she could slow it down because she could feel it, she was able to cover the entire house.  Needless to say they were all rather scary, but no Rouge was the most terrifying of allf.

She could do all of the above, even his own trick, it was a little upsetting honestly.  The smallest relief was that she was unable to compete in a one on one aspect of their abilities.  If his boost was a 4 times boost, hers was only a 50 percent, whereas Viollete could cover the house, Rouge could only cover a small area around her body.  Where as Bleue could essentially see everything, Rouge was only able to view what was in front of her.  Where Verte could make her entire body super dense, Rogue was only able to harden two places at once.  Where the twins were a blur, Rouge was just really fast, you could still follow her but it was hard. 

She wasn’t the best in any one thing, but what was scary was how good at fighting she was, she didn't’ need to be the best in any single aspect, because her combat insight was so dang terrifying that she was able to flawlessly combine all of their abilities.  Didn’t help that she was the third best at Aura control, after Lie and himself.  

His thoughts, however, where soon ended when he felt his skin begin to prickle, and his entire body tensed.  He was using Bleue’s vision, she had positioned herself so that she could watch all three of them.  The only members of their family that could feel when they were being watched, were Lie, himself, Rouge, and his parents.  On one hand, it wasn’t as oppressive as when Bleue did it, on the other it was much like being stalked by a tiger.  

Jaune readied his shield as Nora took position next to them.  “WELL Good to see you both up sunshines!  Thanks for making me deal with her by myself, by the way.”  The sarcasm and venom that dripped from her voice caused both the boys to flinch.

“Right, right sorry, we were just getting our bearings is all.”  Jaune’s nervous reply seemed to have saited Nora’s blood thirst, only slightly.

“Right… well how are we doing this fearless leader?”  Nora had taken to calling Jaune Fearless leader, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  He was anything but fearless, and he still had issues with being seen as the leader of the three.

“Right, right.  We need to act quick, she’s probably trying to regenerate some of her aura, she had to have dispensed a lot of it during the fight.”  He paused and stared at her, god he hated the way she looked at them, like they were prey ready to be slaughtered.  He placed his hands on Lie and Nora, his aura shined and soon they both found themselves topped off, “Lie, I’m going to need you to block her vision, do you have any fire dust still?”  

Lie began to rummage through his pack, nodding in confirmation, “Ya I have a bit, should be able to do a few more shots till I have to rely purely on Aura.”  He placed the canister on his bow, he’d been gifted a starter hunter bow which used aura to fire arrows.  While he honestly had the least amount of aura in the family he was the best at controlling it and able to make due with what he had.  He’d also taken to using dust to enhance and circumvent using much at all. 

“Good, Nora, I’m going first.  I’ll try to keep her distracted but, honestly that’s not going to last long.  I’m hoping she’s too lost in her creepy battle lust, that she’ll take a crack at my shield.  If I can blast her away, I’ll need you to attack her from behind.  You should be fast enough now to get behind her.”  

Nora nodded in response, grabbing her simplistic metal hammer, she had actually only asked for a standard hammer with nothing special when she turned 13.  She was honestly excited about making her own weapon when they got to Sanctum.

Jaune readied himself, breathing in the increased grip on Crocea Mors.  He had inherited his family weapons.  Well, the sword was the family weapon, the shield not so much.  So when he asked if they could alter it, his parents had no issue with the request.  The shield was bigger, heavier even.  It still shifted to a smaller form and acted as a sheath, but now it contained a dust container, which when activated, released one of 5 dusts.  It was a great counter weapon, and it suited his tanky style quite well.  He was hoping he’d be able to blow Rouge away, though his train of thought was soon cut off.

“Now now, children shouldn’t keep their elders waiting!”  Well, it looked like Rouge’s patience had worn thin.  She began to make her way towards them at frightening speeds.  

“Right stick with the plan!”  Jaune moved first, making sure to get in Rouge’s line of sight.  He was hoping to the brother’s that she would go for him.  Thankfully she did, this was also unfortunate.  She was upon him almost instantly, he patiently waited for her to strike, but before she could she found herself moving back as blazing red arrows landed between the two of them.  Soon a violent eruption of flame caused Rouge to back off, this was Jaune’s time.  Pushing himself through the fire he made his way towards her.

Finding himself inside of her sphere of aura he felt his body slow, the only way to fight it was to flare his own.  Release his aura a bit he found it easier to move, and soon he found her fist coming towards him.  Thankfully she wasn’t in a good position, her feet weren’t touching the ground, which meant that she couldn’t put her weight behind the blow and that was perfectly fine.  He found himself gripping the clutch on his shield, and waited, but the blow never came.  Instead he found that his movement had sped up, but his sisters had halted.  

She was bloody using it on herself!  That was just stupid, soon he found himself having moved past her.  Her body still in the air, he tried to correct himself but then found the domination of her aura upon him again.  ‘Crap baskets.’  He had let his aura down slightly to try to keep from moving too quickly, but she had waited for that.  Soon he found his world upside down. Her hands had twisted their way into his armor and she had gotten a good grip.  Her feet were now on the ground, “Oh crap.”  Instantly he found himself thrown, she had put her all into it too, which meant there was no dodging for poor Lie, who had been the target.  

The brothers soon found themselves a tangled mess, as the tree which had broken their trajectory found itself dented.  

The only thing the two could do now was share their pain, “Ow.”  

Nora, had tried her best to adhere to the plan, she had snuck around Rouge, and had prepared to attack once she was blown away.  But, nooooo, she had to have that supid broken semblance of hers.  Well, nothing worth doing ever required her to wait.  Sparks began to crack the sky around her, the ground burned at her feet, and with a burst of speed she was off.  The veins which marred her skin glue an iridescent blue, and her eyes sparked to life.  

She reached Rouge, and hit her with all she had.  Thankfully Rouge had been distracted long enough that her guard had been down, and the blow had been enough to cause her to buckle to her knees. 

Rouge only had the time to raise her arms, as the overhead smash crushed the floor beneath her, her knees buckling, and the stress on her knees caused her entire body to shake.  “Damn Nora!  Taking you head on is just suicide.”  Her tone was chipper, despite the obvious strain, she wasn’t kidding, Nora was crazy strong.  She hoped that Nora never tried anything like this on anyone her own age, hell she realized she was an outlier and hoped she never did this to a human.  

“But… that’s not the plan.”  

Nora had been putting her all into the push, that she was slightly off kilter, and Rouge had noticed this, she also had tilted her arms slightly, which allowed for the rest of the blow to fall off and caused Nora to stumble forward.  Soon Nora found herself on the floor, but before she could recover, her left arm was suddenly yanked forward, and her face hit the dirt.  She felt Rouge’s legs grip around her arm and stretch onto her back.  Then the pressure happened, her arm felt like it was being pulled out of it’s socket and ripped backwards.  She felt the increased weight on her back as Rouge concentrated her aura onto her legs and applied pressure.  “Oh damn it!”  Was all Nora could scream out, as pain started to flood her senses.  

“Alright, are you going to surrender, or do I have to knock you out again!  Your choice Nora!” 

There would have been a time where Nora took that challenge, but that challenge wasn’t worth having to snap her arm back into place, especially with Sanctum class starting up in a week!  

“Alright alright I surrender!  Lemme go please?”  As soon as she said those words, Rouge let go, and the pressure released.

“What about you boys?  Wanna go some more?”

The answer was immediate, “NO!”  Both Jaune and Lie had finally managed to get back up. 

Jaune felt his entire body shaking, “Like I said, terrifying…”  

Lie only nodded in response.

Clap, clap, clap.  

The sound of clapping had caught everyone’s attention, though Nora still chose to lie on the ground for a little longer.  

“Now that’s what I like to see!  My favorite Nephews and Nieces from my favorite Sister, all showing what they're made of!”

Jaune smiled brightly at the appearance of his favorite uncle, but then he stopped and cocked an eyebrow.  “Wait, Mom’s your only sister!”  

The dapper man in front of them, tipped his bowler hat and smiled, “My point still stands Jaune Jaune.  Now aren’t you going to give your Uncle Roman a hug?”  His arms outstretched as Lie, Jaune, and Rouge all ran over.

Nora was still on the ground, though she soon found a hand helping to lift her up.  A small girl, no larger than her, had begun to assist her, “Thank you Neo.”  Was Nora’s curt reply, with only a nod as a response from the young woman in front of her.

[name-me-regret]

If The World Was Ending 3/?

If The World Was Ending Chapter Three: California Dreamin’

Read on AO3.

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“All the leaves are brown And the sky is grey I've been for a walk On a winter's day I'd be safe and warm If I was in L.A. California dreamin' On such a winter's day

Stopped into a church I passed along the way Well, I got down on my knees And I pretend to pray You know the preacher liked the cold He knows I’m gonna stay California Dreamin’...”

~California Dreamin’ - Barry McGuire

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Tony sprang to his feet as he immediately rushed toward the suit that opened up for him. The skylight he’d had installed after invasion slid open and he blasted into the sky. “J, deploy the Iron Legion now!” As he did, he remembered Evan and he pulled up where the tsunami had hit and felt cold terror grip him as he saw that the Santa Monica pier had been taken out. “Shit! JARVIS, what’s my ETA?”

The HUD popped up a calculation. “At the speed you’re going, your estimated time of arrival should be three hours.”

That was unacceptable. He put more power into the thrusters as he could, and heard the BOOM as he broke the sound barrier somewhere over Lake Eerie. “At this speed ETA is two hours,” JARVIS intoned without having to be asked.

“What about the Iron Legion?” Tony was so relieved now that he hadn’t destroyed the rest of his suits after the Battle of Norco.

“ETA four minutes,” JARVIS told him. That was a much better time since when it came to natural disasters, especially involving large amounts of water, every minute, every second counted. Tony set his suit to auto-pilot for the remainder of the flight, making sure to call the FAA. He didn’t want any aircraft to accidentally stray into his path, and he’d be a disaster on top of a disaster.

“Give me eyes as soon as they reach the affected areas. Also, patch me into the channel the first responders use.” A few minutes later his HUD was filled with live feed from the suits, and he was rendered speechless at what he saw. Tony wished he could speed up past Mach 5 without the suit falling apart.

He decided to concentrate on what he could do (and not on a certain someone), and pulled up the stats on the suits that were functional. Out of the 35 suits he’d made between the invasion of Manhattan and the Mandarin Incident, there were nine viable suits. It was the Mark 20: Python, Mark 25: Striker/Thumper, Mark 28: Jack, Mark 33: Silver Centurion, Mark 34: Southpaw, Mark 36: Peacemaker, Mark 37: Hammerhead, Mark 38: Igor, and Mark 41: Bones.

Tony wished the Mark 35 would have survived, since the Red Snapper was made to save people during natural disasters; for example, rescuing victims trapped during an earthquake. He’d gotten the idea after the 7.1 earthquake that had hit LA, and now a year and a half later they’re hit with a tsunami. Unfortunately, Killian had destroyed it during the Battle of Norco.

Well, Southpaw would have to do, even if Red Snapper would have been better with its extendable and retractable claws. At least Hammerhead would come in handy, since it could remain submerged for long periods of time.

“This is Iron Man. I have multiple suits flying over the city and ready to help out. Just point me in the right direction and I’ll help where I can.” Almost immediately he was flooded with calls of trapped civilians, several inside and on top of their houses. He told JARVIS to concentrate on the ones trapped inside their houses, since there was another wave and the water was rising alarmingly fast. There were some people still trapped in their vehicles and unfortunately they couldn’t get to everyone on time.

He directed the suits where to go that they’d be the most useful. Tony heard dispatch call Swift Water Command, calling in a Code Three. Tony heard the commander say they were delayed and luckily J had a suit in the area. It was Bones and he saw the armor detach into several pieces and break through two roof vents to save a man trapped in the attic of his flooding house. As he watched the suits save people; Hammerhead dove for a little girl that had fallen into the water from off the roof of her house when she slipped, and Igor large enough that it could fly with several people hanging from it to take them to higher ground, he was even more glad he hadn’t destroyed the suits.

Sure he loved Pepper and would do anything for her, but with every life he saved, he remembered why he’d become Iron Man in the first place. He’d remembered those soldiers he’d laughed and joked with before they’d been gunned down, with his own weapons no less, and knew he’d made the right choice to not quit this. And maybe Pepper would come around and maybe she wouldn’t, but he refused to be guilted for doing something that saved people’s lives; even if at the times he was so sick and tired, and so inured he could barely move or breathe without something hurting.

It was more important to be able to help people, made him feel like he was alive for a reason. He’d told her three years ago, that he shouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for a reason, and this was that reason. It wasn’t fighting Killian and aliens, but helping and protecting the people from those threats.

It was almost two hours later, after remotely piloting the other suits, that he was physically flying over the city. The water still hadn’t receded, and three more waves had hit, and hopefully that would be the end of it but he doubted it. Tony wanted to call Evan and make sure he was alright, but cell phone service was wonky at the moment. Besides, he didn’t want to tie up the line when there were others that needed actual help. Evan’s apartment was out of the flood zone, so he was sure he was fine. He was weirdly glad he had a serious blood clot condition that had him confined to his home, and not out there with the rest of the first responders. Tony wouldn’t be able to concentrate if he knew Evan was in danger.

He decided not to unpack all of that right now and quickly dismissed the rest of the live feeds of the Iron Legion, letting JARVIS take over. Although now that he’d seen some of what was required for something of this magnitude, he knew he needed to remake Red Snapper and more Iron Legion, probably a special force that could be used for natural disasters. While Southpaw was for natural disasters as well, it was mostly to protect the user from damage from natural disasters. He needed more armors that had emergency features, like medical features such as the ability to be used as a defibrillator or even carry oxygen or breathing equipment for CPR.

Tony headed toward the pier, since flooding was still extensive, and he heard calls earlier of first responders being needed at the Santa Monica Pier. As he neared where the worst of the flooding was, he saw that the whole pier was underwater. There saw also an actual Ferris wheel that was still standing after all three waves, but it wouldn’t hold for much longer.

As he neared, he saw that the wave was starting to recede, going in the other direction. He heard the ones at the Ferris wheel call the coast guard. ‘Coast Guard, Coast Guard. This is Captain Nash LAFD. We need a miracle at the pier. We need one quick.’ As the helicopter flew in, the Ferris wheel started to tip, and he blasted forward.

“Incoming, Captain Nash!” he called over the speaker on his suit, arriving in time to catch the Ferris wheel as it almost toppled. Tony saw that most of the people had been evacuated except for the one who was being airlifted and a woman with curly hair, as well as two first responders, both firefighters by the looks of it.

“Iron Man!” he heard someone call in surprise.

“Yes, I’ll sign autographs later,” he joked, “but right now this thing is coming down and I might not be able to hold it for long.” The two firefighters, one Hispanic man and another Caucasian woman had just finished lowering the woman and now looked at each other, unclipped from their lines and jumped, landing feet first in the water. “Ten out of ten!” Tony called, “now let’s go go go!” They scrambled onto the speed boats as Tony grunted as the debris hit it hard and it started to put a strain on the armor. When he saw they were clear, he let it drop as he flew out of the way barely in time from getting knocked down by it.

He met them at the entrance of the pier by the sign that read ‘•Yacht Harbor• SPORT FISHING •BOATING Cafes’, the water still high enough that it reach most of their calves. If he’d been in any armor before the Mark 8, he’d have thought twice before landing in the water. However the Mark 43 was a better version of all the armors that had come before. He wanted to see if anyone needed help.

“Iron Man,” he heard someone call. Tony turned to see a stern looking man in his early fifties with a helmet on his head and the red vest that declared him a fire captain. This must be Captain Nash. He was wet and obviously tired, but there was still a certain amount of authority to the set of his shoulders. He had the kind of presence Howard had given off, but tempered with something softer Tony couldn’t identify.

“That’s me,” he said as he lifted up the face plate but refrained from stepping out of the suit. He didn’t want to get his shoes wet, and besides, this man appeared to be at good six feet and even if it was only two or three inches, he hated feeling short. Especially when it was from a man that reminded him if even just a tiny bit of Howard. “But just Tony, please. What can I do for you, Captain?”

Nash extended his hand, and Tony took it without hesitation. He had more respect for first responders than any bureaucratic asshole that wanted to shake his hand and play nice for the cameras. “Bobby Nash of the 118. Thank you for the assist,” giving his gauntlet covered hand a firm shake. Tony liked the sincerity in his voice.

“It was no problem, Cap. I didn’t really do much,” he assured. The man’s lips quirked a bit, whether in annoyance or amusement, it was hard to tell. Bobby Nash had one of those faces that gave almost nothing away. “Do you need anymore assistance?”

The woman opened her mouth but Bobby held a hand to stop her. The woman’s nametag, which was surprisingly still on, read Bosko, and the man had Diaz on his. Tony wondered why that sounded familiar. “We have a missing member of Firehouse 136, Captain Ronnie Cooper. There’s also a lot of people trapped and missing. I had thought I heard that Iron Man was helping out, and it’s nice to see it’s true.”

“Sure am, wherever it’s needed.” He’d already been able to help a lot of people and hoped to continue as long as his body and the power supply on his armors allowed. “I’ll keep an eye out for Captain Cooper, and if you need help with anything, give me a holler. There are several other suits flying over the city. So, even if I’m not nearby, my co-pilot JARVIS will be able to assist you if I can’t.”

He gave the man a salute that wasn’t meant to be at all mocking, and then the faceplate snapped shut before he blasted into the air. Tony wanted to make sure there weren’t any locations that had been damaged that could potentially become deadly. The last thing he needed was for the water to catch on fire if there was any gas spillage, and he expected it’d be a terrifying sight.

“J, try Evan’s phone,” he said. “Also, bring up satellite images of Hawaii. I don’t want to be blindsided in case they were hit as well.”

“Bringing up images right now, sir. Also, I’m getting no response from Mr. Buckley’s phone.” This made Tony worry, since Evan always answered his phone (even when he called him an old man for calling and not texting). He couldn’t do anything though, since he was needed right where he was. Tony couldn’t just rush to Evan’s apartment, there was no flooding in the area, and there were people in need of help. So, he reluctantly continued on.

“You better be safe, Evan,” he muttered.-

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

September-happyaspie

September-happyaspie

Warnings: None   Rated: Teen   Word Count: 3513

Tags: Blood, fluff and angst, emotional hurt/comfort, panic attacks, Tony Stark acting as Peter Parker’s Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Good with Kids... ...

Summary: Peter had a very bad patrol that leaves him more than a little shaken. Tony is there to comfort him.

Part 10 of the Spider-man Stories: Not Otherwise Specified series

It was nearing midnight when Peter flung himself onto the top of the nearest building.  He knew he it was late, he knew it was a school night and he knew that his aunt would be angry with him for not arriving back home at the requested eleven-thirty but none of that mattered at the moment.  His already labored breathing was morphing into quick, shallow breaths as he stared wide-eyed at his blood-covered hands.  He tried to frantically wipe it away on the rough cement but it was of no use.  It had already absorbed into his gloves and was clinging to his fingers making them feel both slick and sticky at the same time.  "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" he desperately chanted as he fruitlessly continued to run his palms over the rooftop.

"Peter, your heart-rate is elevated," Karen said before rattling off a laundry list of other vitals that were outside of his normal range but Peter wasn't listening.  As such, she continued to recite the numbers and make suggestions before mentioning the eventuality of contacting Tony Stark.  

With his mind racing, his chest clenching, and his senses heightening, the sound of the AI's voice was grating on Peter's nerves in a way that it never had before.  "Shut up!", he shouted, "Just shut up!  Please," he begged but Karen continued to speak.   IN want of quiet, he reached up and ripped the mask off of his head, taking in a gasping breath when the chill of the night hit his face.  It was a shock at first but soon he was gulping in the frigid air as if it were giving him life.  Then he was abruptly reminded of the blood on his fingers when he felt it smear just above his eye as he attempted to brush back some loose hair.

With his awareness having been brought back to the tacky fluid that was still coating his gloves, Peter realized that not only could he feel it but he could also smell it.  The coppery scent causes his stomach to twist and his breath to catch in his throat.  He scooted backward towards the small light that was illuminating the corner of the rooftop beside the access door and looked himself over.  It wasn't just his hands.  It was his chest, his stomach, his legs.  There was so much blood and he was suddenly taken over by an ardent desire to stripe the suit off right there on the rooftop.  

He'd not had time to do more than press the spider emblem on his chest when he heard the whir of the Iron Man armor quickly approaching.  Peter glanced upwards and tracked the glow of the thrusters until the suit landed with a metallic thud in front of him.  He stared at it for several seconds before going back to tugging the sodden cloth away from his chest, nearly gagging at the way he could hear it peeling off of his skin.

_________

Tony had been in his living room when the round of alerts had popped up on his watch.  It wasn't anything worrisome.  The teenager's heart-rate was a little higher than usual but not frighteningly so.   It was easy to write it off as a vigorous fight or a particularly exhilarating series of aerial acrobatics.  He cleared the notification and went back to the news without a second thought.  It wasn't until the same message popped up several minutes later with a series of other irregularities that his concern grew.  Though the proverbial straw had come when he was notified that his kid had carelessly removed his mask in a heavily populated area.  

Without a second thought, Tony engaged his armor, had his AI contact the boy's aunt, and started towards the coordinates that the AI had sent to him.  It wasn't until he was in the air that he began to go through the spider suits video feed.  He started with the last ten minutes and nearly choked when he saw the dark stains covering his kid's body.  A second look at the teenager's health stats left him slightly baffled.  There was no indication of any sort of injury beyond a few bruises to the ribs.  He didn't have time to research any further before he was landing.

For several seconds Tony found himself unable to do anything other than stare at the boy before him.  He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting to find but seeing his kid in such a distraught state had caused his brain to momentarily misfire.  He didn't know what to do.  Hell, he still didn't know what had happened.  He was snapped out of his stupor when Peter started trying to hurriedly rid himself of the tainted suit.  It was then that he became acutely aware of the security cameras that were surrounding them.  The teenager had already removed his mask, thus exposing his face to anyone who was watching and that was bad enough.  "Friday, take care of the security cameras.  Wipe them clean of the last hour and keep them off until we're out of sight," he said before kneeling down in front of his kid.  

At that point, Peter had managed to remove on arm from the clinging material and was uncoordinatedly working to free the other.  Tony's eyes fell on the dark streaks covering the boy's exposed skin and swallowed hard.  "Stop, Pete.  You need to keep that on.  I didn't bring anything else for you to wear," he whispered, unsure if his kid could even hear him.  He seemed to be singularly focused on getting out of the suit.  It was surprising that he'd not ripped it to shreds in the process.

"I can't!  I need it off.  I need to get it off," Peter wildly shouted but his movements had lost their vigor as he went from nearly hyperventilating to dissolving into tears.  "I need to get it off.  Please, get it off."

"What happened?" Tony asked in lieu of offering assistance but no answer came.  His kid was still relentlessly and listlessly pulling at the suit, triggering his gag reflex more than once.  It was hard to watch and, ultimately, he decided that an explanation was going to have to wait.

With a deep breath in through his nose, Tony reached out to help his kid strip down to his boxers.  Though the removal of costume didn't seem to offer the boy any reprieve because his skin was stained as well.  To make matters worse, seeing it had caused the teenager to fall back into another panic and he began to claw at his skin.    

"Stop that.  Pete, stop.  You're hurting yourself," Tony said as he tried to hold back his own panic.  "Come on, kid.  I'm going to get you out of here so we can clean you up.  Just give me two minutes," he practically begged before motioning for his own AI to send him a second suit.  One that could safely carry his kid back to the tower where he would be more equipped to help him.

Tony continued to try and soothe Peter until the suit arrived, enveloping his kid in its impenetrable shell.  As it took off, so did he.  He continued to offer mild encouragement as they made their way across the sky but as the time had passed the boy had become quieter and quieter.  To the point that, as he was helping him through the penthouse towards the large master bathroom, it was as though he was guiding a ragdoll rather than a teenager.  "Almost there," he murmured into the boy's ear while nudging him into the large shower and urging him down on the bench before turning on the water.

As Peter sat there and allowed the warm spray to pelt against his back he could see the blood swirling in the water, turning it red before it was pulled down the drain near his feet.  "There's so much of it, Mr. Stark," he whispered, properly acknowledging his mentor for the first time since he'd come to his aid.  "How, how can there be so much?"

"I don't know, kiddo.  You tell me," Tony said softly as he rolled up his sleeves, lathered up a soft washcloth with soap, and began to run it up and down Peter's arms.  When the bubbles turned from a pristine white to an angry red, he rinsed it and started over again, repeating the process until the boy's limbs were no longer coated in blood.  "Turn around, Buddy," he quietly requested, grabbing ahold of his kid's elbow when it looked like he would topple over when he tried to stand.

With Peter facing him, in full light, Tony was able to see the anguish etched across his features and it made his heart skip a beat.  He wanted to ask more questions but he but his tongue.   There would be time for that later when his kid was clean and less shaken.   With that in mind, he took the newly rinsed cloth and started to gently wipe his kid's forehead.  "Close your eyes, Pete,"  he said to prevent any of the sweet-smelling soap from slipping down into the boy's already red-rimmed eyes.

After washing Peter's face he moved on to his shoulders, chest, torso, and legs before taking each of his hands into his own and used a soft brush to scrub the remaining blood out from under the boy's nails.  As he did so, the only sound in the room was that of the shower's relentless spray and the drains constant gurgle.  It felt strange.  He'd never seen his kid so still or quiet before.

Once he was able to look the teenager over without finding any more evidence of whatever had taken place earlier in the evening, he decided he may as well finish the job and reached upwards to grab a bottle of shampoo from the shower's ledge.  He squeezed some out into his hands and rubbed them together before working his fingers through his kid's thick curls causing the boy to whimper and lean into his touch.

It wasn't until Tony was pulling Peter out of the shower and wrapping him a large fluffy towel that anything else was said and even then it was just a few mumbled instructions.  "Wait here, Buddy.  I'm going to go grab you some clothes," he said before disappearing behind the door.

When Tony stepped out of the room Peter was suddenly overwhelmed with loneliness and ended up falling to his knees on the bathroom's thick rug.  He squeezed his eyes shut and was met with unwelcome images.  Not just from that night but also from another, one that would be forever imprinted in his memories.  He'd broken down completely, folded in half with his head on the floor when he felt a pair of callused hands rest firmly on his exposed shoulders.

"Pete.  You're okay.  I'm right here," Tony said as he sat down and tried to pull his kid into a more upright position.  All he'd been trying to do was to get the boy to look at him.   He'd not been prepared for his kid to then collapse into his arms, wearing nothing but boxers and a towel that had been haphazardly draped over his lower back.  In the back of his head, he knew that the position they were in should have left him feeling awkward but it hadn't. They had grown closer to one another and running his hand up and down the crestfallen teenager's spine felt like second nature.

Peter's heart-wrenching cries lasted for quite some time before they slowed into silent tears. Then and only then did Tony pulled himself away from the teenager's enhanced grasp.  "I need you to get yourself dressed, Buddy," he said as he stood up with the support of the near-by counter.  His back ached from the time he'd spent on the floor but he didn't regret it.  He'd do it a hundred times over if it meant he could comfort his kid.  Then, after placing a stack of folded up pajamas in the boy's hands he exited the room saying "I'm going to be waiting for you right out here" as he went.

With his eyes on the door the whole time, Peter hurriedly changed into the comfortable clothing and took a moment to relieve himself before stepping out into the bedroom where he found Tony sitting at the edge of a large bed.  The concern that was wrinkled across the man's brow caused him to hesitate and look down at his toes.  Now that he was clean and mostly calmed the situational embarrassment was beginning to seep in.  It occurred to him all at once that his mentor had just bathed him, washed his hair, and held him on the bathroom floor while he cried like a toddler.  "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark," he said at such a hushed volume that he wasn't sure the man could even hear him.  He had to look up to make sure.

"Kid," Tony uttered with care, "You don't have to apologize."

Despite the man's words, tears started to swell in Peter's eyes.  He wasn't sure how he could possibly have any left but still, they came, tracing down his cheeks in silvery rivulets.  "I was just-" he began but his words got hung up in his mouth.  He had to take several measured breaths before he felt like he could try again.  "I was just so, so scared," he forced out past the lump in his throat.

With squinted eyes and a sympathetic smile, Tony patted the place on the bed beside him.  He was rewarded when his kid crossed the distance between them and slumped up against him, still shivering.  With his arm wrapped around Peter's shoulders, he was able to ease them both down onto the pillows.  It was no surprise when the boy rearranged himself so that he was pressed into his side.  "Lower the lights, Friday," he said just loud enough for the AI to register and then turned his attention back to his kid.  "What happened out there tonight, Kiddo?"

It took him several minutes to gather his thoughts.  Just thinking about the night's events had Peter shuddering where he lay.  He was thankful that Tony didn't rush him.   "There was a robbery at the corner store on Fifth and Main," he finally said as he tucked his arms between himself and his mentor in an attempt to get warm.  Tony must have noticed because he sat up after and pulled the throw from the foot of the bed up so that it was covering them.  "I- I didn't get there in time," he uttered with remorse.

At that admission, Tony wrapped his arm around his kid without saying a word and pulled him in a little more closely.  Peter closed his eyes and savored the affection, only speaking when he was sure he could do so without his voice cracking.  "When I got there, there was a man talking to the robber.  I think he was trying to convince him to not steal the money.  I could see the robber getting antsy and I knew what was going to happen but I couldn't stop it, Mr. Stark and he shot him.  The bad guy just shot him and then took off running.  The owner of the store called emergency services and I didn't know what to do so I just held the man's hand.  I wanted to chase the bad guy but there was so much blood, Mr. Stark," he said, his voice shaking by the time the last syllable left him.

"You did the right thing, Buddy.  You stayed with the man who had been injured and-" Tony began to placate but Peter didn't seem to hear him.

"-He died, Mr. Stark.  He died right in my arms and then I panicked because all of a sudden he looked exactly like Uncle Ben.   It felt like I was back to be thirteen and Uncle Ben had died all over again.  I was just so scared, Mr. Stark.  The owner of the store had to pull me away when he heard the sirens coming.  Then I just- I just ran and there was blood everywhere and I couldn't get it off. No matter what I did, it wouldn't come off and I wanted it off," Peter rapidly explained, not realizing that somewhere during his speech held lost control of his breathing.

"We got it off.  There's no more blood, Pete," Tony said, grabbing the boy's hands and holding them within sight.  "See?  All clean."

"I know, I know but- but I can still feel it, Mr. Stark," Peter strained, pausing afterward to lick his lips and carefully measure his next words.  "I was there when Uncle Ben got shot too so I already knew what that much blood felt like but I didn't think I would ever have to see it or feel or, or smell it again.  I'm supposed to stop the bad things from happening.  I have these powers, Mr. Stark.  I had them when Uncle Ben died too.  I swore it would never let anything like that happen again," Peter cried.  He wanted to say more but he couldn't.  Instead, he let the tears fall freely and tried to take comfort in the way Tony's strong arms were wrapped around him.

Knowing that there was nothing he could ever say that would completely abate the guilt and sadness that his kid was overcome with, Tony didn't even try.  He simply held the boy against his own body and allowed him to cry onto his shoulder.  He wished he could do more.  He desperately wanted to take away the pain and sorrow.  Then a natural impulse took over and he began to sing.  "Try to remember the kind of September, when life was slow and oh so mellow..." he crooned, the familiar melody spilling out of him without thought.  He could feel Peter still beside him and begin to relax, that alone encouraging him to continue.  "Try to remember the kind of September, when grass was green and grain so yellow..."

By the time he'd drawn out the last note, he was nearly sure that his kid was asleep.  The little puffs of air that were being blown against him were even and Peter's body was lax.  So, he'd not really been expecting it when he felt the boy lifting his head.

"Where did you learn that song, Mr. Stark?" Peter sleepily queried.  

"My mom used to sing it to me all the time," Tony replied with a soft smile.  He'd heard his mother sing along as she played that song on the piano more times than he could ever begin to count.  That one song, in particular, had followed him throughout his childhood and well into his adult life.  It was one of his earliest and last memories of this mother.

"Oh," Peter said, interrupting Tony in his thoughts.  "It's nice."

"Yeah, it is," Tony mused, smiling again when his kid yawned so wide he could hear his jaw pop.   "Why don't you go to sleep, Buddy.  You'll feel so much better in the morning, I promise," he whispered.  he knew the boy had to be exhausted.  Anyone would be after being overpowered by so much emotion at once and he knew from experience that sometimes, allowing yourself to rest was the best thing you could do for yourself.

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, Mr. Stark?" Peter asked, not feeling quite ready to be alone again.  

"I can do that," Tony returned with ease.

"-and will you keep singing that song?" Peter asked next because he'd been right on the brink of slumber when the song had ended.  Hearing the man's voice had been consoling and that was exactly what he needed at the moment.

"Yeah, Kiddo.  I can do that too." Tony replied as he brought his hands up to his kid's head and began to thread his fingers through the waves of thick damp hair.  He'd never imagined himself being in a position where he would be the one lulling a child to sleep but there he was more than willing to take on the task.  It was then that he realized that he would probably do anything for Peter.  The boy was practically his son.

The moment Peter's head rested heavily on his chest, he started to sign again.  He'd not made it through the second verse before he could hear his kid lightly and rhythmically snoring.  Even so, he continued, unwilling to leave the rest of the song unsung.   Though the moment it was complete, he carefully extracted himself from his kid's hold and looked down at his sleeping form.  Then, before he could stop himself he was leaning over and dropping a kiss right on the side of Peter's head.  "I'm not going to go too far, Buddy.  I'll still be here when you wake up."

A/N: I took a very brief break from writing because I couldn't seem to focus but then I missed it so much that it hurt. I ended up going through several WIPs, writing a few paragraphs here and there but couldn't seem to get into any of them. Then this idea came to mind and I realized that maybe I've just been in a very angsty/hurt-comfort kind of mood recently and that's why none of my other haphazardly throw together WIPs could hold my attention.I'm sure I will get back to those but in the meantime... there is this.

[musicallynerdy]

hey ryn long time no see that d&d ask meme is insanely cool (frankly I love all of them so I tried to choose but there are still a lot, feel free not to answer all of these), so: 2, 3, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 20, 23, 24, 26, 27, 31, 33, 35, 44, 60, 72, 77, 87, 93, 94, 97!

Hi Taylor! Long time no see! I hope you’re hanging in there! @hoot-h00t So, Hannah sent me a few of these last night on my D&D sideblog (@gmsguild) so I’ll skip those ones but I’m gonna do the rest! I’m gonna focus on my primary character, Sahar, my tiefling wizard in my home Tal’Dorei game.  2. Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life? I think our party rogue most likely. A few weeks ago (in game time) the rogue saved her life (literally- failed death save, would have been dead if that shadow hit me again), and Sahar returned the favor in a fight with a succubus, so there’s some trust there. 

3. What are your character’s core moral beliefs? I think she’s redeveloping her morals for the first time in a decade. She’s becoming a better person and it’s interesting really interesting to play. She never hurts kids, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to protect those she loves, and she’s devoted to the pursuit of knowledge. She’s got a dark side and isn’t afraid to hurt or kill to get what she needs, but she’s starting to try not to cause more harm. I think she feels the need to make up for what she’s done in the past. 

7. Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc? Sahar Tel’Urdyn is a deep purple-skinned tiefling with these stormy grey eyes with catlike pupils and a light blue nictitating membrane that she can flick over them. Her horns come from her forehead and then curl back forward similar to but not the same as a bighorn sheep (I don’t really know how to describe them?), and she has a thin pointed tail that flicks like a cat’s when she’s excited. Her hair is a darker purple, close to black, and is pulled back in a single french braid. She has a number of piercings, earlobes and cartilage. One of her cartilage piercings has a thin chain that connects to a band around one of her horns. She also has a belly button piercing, a nose stud, and a ring in her tail, all in silver tones. With the exception of the chain, she wears almost entirely studs, bars, or rings. Nothing that could catch on something or make noise. She has a number of scars and tattoos from the Tragic Backstory, but the most interesting is probably a lot of blackwork on her left arm that extends from her hand up to her elbow, almost like she dipped her arm in ink (although there is a triangular design on the hand, almost looking like a bit of that type of glove that only attaches to the middle finger?)-- or more accurately it looks like blackwork but it’s actually a lot of really intricate work, lots of script and sigils.  She wears a white, v-necked, with lacing in the V, like a flowy pirate shirt sorta thing, with black pants and brown leather boots, and a dark blue almost black sash around her waist. She has a dagger at her waist and her spellbook sort of sits in a bit of a holster thing in the small of her back. She hasn’t actually picked up much over the journey... she’s got a really nice dark gray traveling cloak she took off of... some dead body somewhere. She’s also got a wand of magic missiles tucked into a leather thigh sheath. She’s probably got a scar or two from the one battle I’ll detail below in number 15.  9. What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? She grew up worshiping the Moonweaver but sort of lost a lot of her faith during the Tragic Backstory period. As a wizard she also prays occasionally to Ioun. She doesn’t really have opinions on other people’s worship so long as it doesn’t start causing her problems.  

11. Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. So my group is a crew of old friends from my hometown, so we haven’t played in person in a while. 

12. What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? To crack this puzzle cube and learn more about conjuration and transmutation magic in the process. 

15. What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character? Oof so we broke this girl out of prison, she’s the daughter of a crime lord, but in the process we sort of... alerted the entire town to what we were doing and our barbarian punched the guard captain in the face? So we were burnt and tried to get out of town and hide, but they sent guards after us and we had no spells left and our barbarian had one rage and our rogue, our warlock, and our druid all went in with like low health and Sahar ended up having to be a tank for the battle and was just casting shocking grasp and somehow we still won? We killed six guards coming after us and somehow got away. That was the moment it was like ok we’re a team and we have each other’s backs even when shit royally hits the fan. 

16. If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? Probably a bard or a warlock. Magic is just like, ingrained in her and she’s a curious motherfucker so like, if her troupe had lived she probably would have become a bard, or she would have stumbled into something deep and dark and made a pact with something for knowledge. If she had focused in her Tragic Backstory more on the sneaking bit of being an assassin rather than the “i will kill people creatively with magic” bit, possibly a rogue too. 

23. If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? To not get kidnapped by the crew of the Talon’s Breath because that just started a decade of bad things. On the other hand, without that she probably would never have gotten to Tal’Dorei from Marquet and would never have found the party, which she’s starting to count as the best experience in her life. But it doesn’t erase the previous decade. 

24. Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? Definitely our party rogue. Tragic Backstory Buddies

26. What would your character say their best trait would be? “My Wit, of course” (her virtue name she used for years was Wit, so that’s a pun)

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Ooh tough one. She’s afraid of losing her powers, I think. Her magic has been what has kept her alive and allowed her to become who she is and I think she’s wrapped up so much of her identity into the magic she wouldn’t know who she is without it. She uses minor illusion like people in the real world use a fidget spinner. I think she’d have a hard time functioning without her magic. It was a source of trauma and now it’s the way she’s helped herself through that trauma. She’s definitely going to need to deal with that at some point but therapists are hard to come by in Tal’Dorei. 

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) Ya know I’m not sure. She’s sort of the brains (her intelligence is like a full 4 points above anyone else’s in the party) but really our party is six dumbasses held together by spit and a prayer and the fact that they keep stumbling on sketchy shit in every small town they come to (literally, they’ve had one town that hasn’t had sketchy shit going on in it) (well, and one city. So two stops on their entire journey). 

33. What person does your character admire most? In our party? Tough choice. Probably Thea, our warlock. She’s a 16 year old human girl and Sahar just thinks the world of this kid. She also has this huge Big Sister drive to keep this girl safe and also teach her about magic. 

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? 10 in strength (I rolled well) but in character, she never really had a chance to develop it. She was the prisoner of a cartel for years and just didn’t have the space or the means to build up her strength. 

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? Brain. 18 intelligence. She’s a wizard. Everything is logic. 

60. What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Answered over at @gmsguild with number 20!

72. Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Oof yikes... honestly? Probably Mire, our barbarian. 

77. If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? hmmm..... Something with spells. She’s such a magic nerd she would do something stupid for knowledge. 

87. What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I’m only skipping this one because I’m not really familiar with tarot

93. Who in the party does your character trust the least? All of them. We all have flaws that make us untrustworthy in particular circumstances. But also she knows all of them have her back if she needs it. She just needs to know their weaknesses so she can help protect them. 

94. What is your character’s biggest flaw? She always has to be in control. It comes from years of not being in control and now she’s a bit of a control freak. 

97. What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Happiness. I don’t think she knows what that means yet, but she left employment with a crime lord that could have made her very rich because she knew it wasn’t making her happy.  Thanks, Taylor, that was fun! Took me like 2 hours, but whatev. Hope you’re hanging in there!  Also I’m reading back through this and realizing like, folks trying to piece together her Tragic Backstory from this and my post on @gmsguild are going to have a rough time Much love to my party yall are amazing and I love you (@geekoz87, @skirtsandbattleaxes, @miniaturetanks, @vaguelyconcerning, @tenebris-felidae)

[moonguilt]

please give me more kl headcanons.😔

OKAY people this got WAY out of hand and i wrote 7 pages of an entire au plotline so uh. sorry everybody but it’s gonna be split into at least a couple different postswe’ll call this CHAPTER 1: (chapter 2 can be found HERE)I roleplay on MMORPGs so you’re gonna have to deal with my self indulgent online roleplaying AU. There will be klance but I have to SET THE STAGE first so bear with me. basically this is just multiplayer online video game roleplaying garbage. on that note, enjoy.

hunk and pidge were the first ones to discover the video game “Voltron.” they dicked around on it just to test out the game controls and perhaps get coding ideas for a game they are trying to create, but they ended up kinda enjoying it. the gameplay has its issues but is overall pretty fluid.

hunk plays a rogue. he has to turn the game volume down sometimes because of the gross gorey noises the game makes when he stabs people. he probably would have rerolled as a different class just to escape the gruesome sound effects, but he really likes being able to enter stealth. he says it makes him feel “safe”

pidge plays a mage. hunk is under the impression that it’s because she wants to play a class with high intelligence points, and pidge doesn’t correct him. but really she just likes the idea of turning her enemies into frogs

shiro is hanging out with matt one day and ends up watching pidge play. he wants to be Hip and Cool so he decides to create a trial account and see if he likes it. turns out, he’s TERRIBLE at the actual gameplay (his computer reflexes are Bad and he keeps dying to basic mechanics on literally every boss fight. matt downloads the game and creates a priest out of pity just to help keep shiro alive while he levels)

“this is demeaning for everyone involved”

“you’re the one who has died seven times now to haxus. literally all you have to do is not stand in the fire. you’re a FULLY ARMORED PALADIN TANK how are you dying so quic—wait a minute. shiro. shiro why are you still wearing your level 1 starting gear.”

however, he finds out that the server they’re playing on has a roleplaying community! he figures he doesnt need swift reflexes to roleplay, so he starts dipping his toe into RP and discovers he really likes it. he enjoys writing stories about his heroic character, and enjoys combining those stories with the stories of other people he meets in the game. it’s like collaborative fantasy fiction writing, and it quickly becomes a passion of his

pidge and matt tease him endlessly for it. hunk is an angel and is very supportive of shiro’s new hobby. he is the only one who will listen to shiro gush about his character. unfortunately when shiro designed the character, he did not have a good grasp on roleplay, so the character is goofy looking and has an overly dramatic backstory involving dragons and a lost royal bloodline. hunk kindly chooses not to comment on it, and instead helps him develop new ideas and plots for his character’s adventures

eventually shiro manages to convince hunk to give RP a try. hunk is very careful and does a lot of research on the Voltron universe lore. he reads all the fanmade wiki pages, roleplaying guides on the game forums, etc., until he feels confident he can create a good character. he does (and eventually goes on to be a popular community figure who hosts huge server events and is friends with literally everyone, but that is several months down the line), and he and shiro begin their roleplaying adventures together

hunk gets Really Into It. fast. like faster than shiro. and he takes it SERIOUSLY; he is a total lore nerd & WILL tell you (in a very gentle, caring tone) if your character’s story/actions do not comply with the game’s established lore

“your character’s outfit is so cool! btw tho, I noticed you mentioned your character was born in the castle of lions—just wanted to let you know, it was actually only rediscovered and unlocked about 10 years ago in the game’s timeline, so it wouldn’t really make work for your character to be born there, since they’re 27 D: but if you want I can help you come up with a different birthplace :)”

keith, lance, and allura had thus far managed to resist the voltron bug. they just aren’t into mmorpg stuff, they insist. single-player games, sure, but open-world multi-player? sounds weird

lance falls first. Hunk hits him with the puppy dog eyes and its all over for him

he creates the most ridiculously beautiful character he can

“i dont care about whether my guy is a freaking dps or not, hunk, i need him to have an ass like a kardashian. WHERE IS THE BUTT SLIDER HUNK. i have a NICE ASS and i want it IMMORTALIZED IN PIXEL FORM”

he does, in fact, end up picking dps. hunk shows him the archer class and he lights up like a christmas tree

“i know you always wanted to bone legolas, so”

“i wanted to BE legolas, not BONE him, HUNK”

“sure lance”

allura falls next. her and lance’s weekly “self-care spa sessions” turn into lance rambling about all the wacky stuff he and hunk and shiro got up to that week, and she eventually cracks under the pressure because she Hates when there’s a new fad and she doesn’t understand it

“and then this guy came up to us and started roleplaying with us in ALL LOWER CASE and shiro and i wanted to d i e but hunk was all ‘nooo he’s just a newbie in need of some pointers’ and then spent the next TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES giving this guy tips and tricks about grammar and punctuation–”

within 2 days she has gotten almost halfway through leveling her new druid healer because she is Determined damn it

coran, allura’s uncle, also begins playing shortly thereafter. allura never says why exactly, but it does seem to be a direct result of her influence somehow. he plays a gunslinger class because he’s “always wanted to be a ‘rooting & tooting cowboy,’ as you call it!”

for whatever reason, he is Very Good at the game, like freakishly skilled. everyone is kind of afraid to question it so they just accept it and move on

he and pidge are really the only ones who are focusing on the actual game content anymore, so they start doing high-level raids together and then begin to gain something of a reputation as a terrifying duo in player-versus-player combat.

keith is resilient. he is a notoriously stubborn boy and no amount of puppy dog eyes from hunk or persuasive lectures from shiro will convince him to step outside his comfort zone

but lance, well. lance knows exactly how to get keith to do what he wants

“i bet you just know my character’s way cooler than yours would be”

“?? no. i literally dont care about your character or anybody else's”

“huh. guess i will just always be better at video games than you”

“are you seriously still trying to hold your killbot phantasm score over my head. you got lucky”

“i am the peerless king of video games–”

“are you listening to yourself. do you actually hear the words coming from your mouth.”

“–undefeated because you are too much of a coward–”

“fuck OFF send me the fucking download link you loudmouth”

keith takes. forever. to design his character.

lance is leaning over the back of keith’s chair, giving outrageous suggestions (and blatant lies) that keith pointedly ignores

“keith. keith if you give him neon orange hair it boosts your speed, did you know that?”

“choosing big ears gives you greater perception stats keith”

“keith listen to me, you gain the ability to breathe underwater if you choose a broken nose—OW, what the hell–”

keith takes SO LONG that eventually lance has to leave for dance lessons and when he gets back keith is only JUST finishing up

turns out he took so long because he wanted to use every resource available in the game to make the character look like a carbon copy of himself. the end result would have been impressive if it wasn’t so eerily accurate

“you’re seriously naming him keith kogane.”

“it’s my name!”

“keith it’s a ROLEPLAYING game. you’re supposed to play a ROLE”

“and my role is keith kogane.”

“that doesnt even fit the naming conventions for the humans in this game! hunk would be having a FIT right now if he was here”

“good thing he’s not”

keith selects the warrior class because, as lance repeatedly and petulantly insists, he is a “boring basic bitch fuckboy”

“im the fuckboy?? thats rich coming from a guy who plays an archer because he has a big fat crush on orlando bloom in a blond wig”

“HUNK is spreading LIES okay I do NOT have a cru–”

“i dont know what you see in him. he’s literally just a white lotor”

“you TAKE THAT BACK”

to be continued :)

[kidmachinate]

Phantasy Star Online 2 Closed Beta Impressions

Home is a feeling, not a place. This is where Phantasy Star Online 2 fits in my life. There was a huge gap in time since the original release back in the year 2000 and then the Blue Burst release on PC back in 2005. PSO2 released in Japan during July of 2012. Almost eight years later from that release and even more time since the nostalgia with the original release and its rebirth of sorts through Blue Burst, the feeling of home remains.

We will get probably my only negative point out of the way, which was to be expected in a closed beta. There were issues getting online for the first five hours the game was live. An Error 37 issue, if you will. Expected problems…but they KNEW how many people would be excited for this. It has been almost eight years for a proper US release. Being that it is a closed beta, they knew exactly how many people were going to be logging on. Not being properly prepared from the start is inexcusable and they were silent on the issue until almost an hour into being live. Now that this is out of the way, let’s forget about that and get into what the game has in store.

What people enjoy with Monster Hunter World combat wise, started here. The Action-RPG style of combat. I always look at Phantasy Star Online as the MMO before MMOs were cool since it existed before World of Warcraft. I’ll get back to this point in a minute. PSO2 has a lock on that isn’t perfect but just works. In Monster Hunter World you have to switch up some options to get it to work (IMO) better than it does with default settings, and even then, it feels a bit funny. Said system may have improved with this one due to being able to swap targets. There also seems to be a free aim of sorts as well and more precise targeting options with Rangers. I don’t play a Ranger however, so I can’t entirely confirm that last bit. Personally, I made a Techtor/Hunter named Dimidia who I got to level 30 before the closed beta period ended.

Phantasy Star Online did not technically start as an MMO as the main parts of the game were very much not that. However, the lobbies and player interactions in them very much functioned like traditional MMOs do today. Phantasy Star Online 2 embraces this and fully realizes an MMO style within the sci-fi world of Phantasy Star. The basics from the first are there to enjoy but there is so much more to grasp with this game and I look forward to learning it. People legitimately just hang out here to chat in game at times…and have fun doing it. It is hard to put this into words when this really seems like something many have gotten used to already in whichever MMO of choice already. This spirit of community has not faded since the dial-up connection days through the Dreamcast.

Drops in the game have much variety and the game will launch with all previous missions from the existing game in Japan. The character creator has been significantly improved to make characters look different from one another and MAGs (familiars with abilities and stat boosts for your character) are still a thing. PSO2 also carries over a great feature from Final Fantasy XIV in which you technically only need one character for all your classes. Couple this with a subclass system that allows you to have stat bonus and abilities enjoyed from whichever one you pick to combine with your main class. There are some returning weapons from the first Phantasy Star Online (hi Lavis Cannon) that many will have their eyes on and newer ones too I’m sure. I’m still trying to understand how armor and gear works in the game. You can swap between equip sets relatively easy for different weapons and spell setups. I assume this will be easier down the line when PC becomes an option to play on. This current closed beta was only on the Xbox One but the game release will be playable with Xbox One and PC players enjoying cross-play. I’m hoping they test this in an open beta, should they do one in the first place. Four races and nine classes in-game make for pretty good build variety too with up and close or ranged melee builds, support builds, casters, or hybrid versions of everything just mentioned. I think there may be hidden classes of sorts not included in that total but I’m unsure on that.

When playing the closed beta, there was some lag in select areas. Was to be expected with multiple people playing and all, but nothing that took away from the flow of the game. The combat feels very smooth, the addition of a dodge is very welcome, and being able to not just get timed hits with your melee damage, but spells as well is amazing. I forget if you can do timed hits with spells in the first game. If you could, feel free to ignore that bit. The areas and quests didn’t feel samey from what was played, and this isn’t even everything…so there will naturally be much more to enjoy. I can’t speak in regard to voice chat as I think only one person used it total. Can’t speak much about chat UI either but I wouldn’t dare without a keyboard anyway. Gonna have to look into that for console play.

One big attraction to the game for me and the series as standard RPGs before it has always been the sci-fi scene. It provides an escapism of sorts and gets the thought process going. Is this where we could be in the future? I suppose we’re about done here. Anything further would be ranting and I already did that in a YouTube video. Hopefully this was a bit more informative than that...but this is only the beginning. APRG fans owe it to themselves to give this a shot upon the official release or (hopefully) a potential open beta in the near future.

[langwrites]

Lang Plays Fire Emblem: Three Houses

So a while ago I said I was planning on playing the story routes in this order: Blue Lions, Black Eagles, Church of Seiros, and then Golden Deer.

The Golden Deer made a liar out of me.

So, here’s an approximation of What Happened During Verdant Wind.

So many spoilers below the cut, you guys. I do a lot of route comparisons.

Okay, I’ve been staring at the “which house do you want” selection screen for an embarrassing amount of time.

This shouldn’t be hard. I had a plan.

But no.

I clicked the Golden Deer, just like that. What the fuck, Claude. I blame you.

Immediately upon talking to this rop of students again, I can feel the difference in the social group from what the Lions were like. The latter were really a bunch of noble kids around their prince, and they felt really tight-knit. Classic Fire Emblem starter crew.

The Golden Deer is the fucking Scooby Gang.

First impressions of individuals:

Raphael, thank goodness, is the one character who absolutely has his shit in order. Sure, he’s bad at book work and thinks everything comes down to MUSCLES, but all of his emotional issues are handled by the time he arrives at Garreg Mach. He’s the brightest of sunshines.

Ignatz needs some more confidence in his art, and also I want to see his painting of Seiros. Now, if only both of his offensive stats and growths weren’t incredibly bad.

I was so close to making him my dancer. Just because he sure as hell wasn’t gonna be useful anywhere else.

Lorenz! I don’t like him. His haircut is a monstrosity.

Leonie! We are going. To be. Besties. Even though the timing of your support conversations are incredibly bad.

Marianne no please don’t be sad everyone loves you

Hilda is the greatest enabler I have ever seen. By which I mean she enables other people to do all her work for her.

Lysithea is going to have the last word with God. And especially he Death Knight.

And finally Claude! Teamwork makes the dream work, so obviously meme work does the same.

I’m sorry.

PRE-TIMESKIP

Mock battle! Marianne’s great and I love her and also the only healer oh god.

OKAY. I have access to New Game+ bonuses. What do I do first?

Immediately crank the Professor Level stat to max to avoid ever having to run short of activity points again.

Next, raise all skills I can’t easily get to at least Rank D+. HEAVY ARMOR IN PARTICULAR.

Third: Boost supports with people whose support ranks are an absolute pain in the ass to earn. Lookin’ at you, Rhea.

Also, put glasses on Byleth (named “Yuri” for this playthrough). Glasses are the bomb. I am the evil genius.

LEVEL GRINDING TIME.

It’s a lot harder with Blacksmith access being story-locked, but I can do this!

As a direct result, every single battle after this point is a complete curbstomp in my favor. Because the grind don’t stop.

I broke a lot more weapons than last time, though.

I will befriend Leonie and Ferdinand if it’s the last fucking thing I do. I will befriend everyone, and I will not get timeskip-locked out of supports! >:(

Ferdinand was my first recruit. Oh dear.

Okay, there are like five born cavaliers in this game. Leonie, Ferdinand, Lorenz, Sylvain, and I guess Dimitri if you’re on the right route.

Last time, Sylvain was a great paladin and a decent Dark Knight before he started getting one- or two-stat level ups for like thirty levels. Similarly, Dimitri was great until all his ultra-secret-awesome promotions didn’t use a fucking horse.

Contrast Leonie who, despite sitting out 99% of the game out of spite from me getting locked out of her support chain, went to endgame with a ten-level deficit and still rocked.

Ferdinand didn’t count since I failed to recruit him last time and he died. These two facts are directly related.

I didn’t use Lorenz at all; I recruited him to keep from having to kill him later.

This time, Lorenz straight-up sucks, Sylvain did the terrible level dance for like the entire game, and Dimitri’s not recruitable.

Contrast, again, Leonie. Her support chain with the player character is hot garbage, but she plowed through most of the game as a mainstay of my team and made it to Bow Knight first out of anyone.

Bernadetta and Ashe as Bow Knights don’t even come close to being as durable as she is, except for Ashe’s absolutely bananas Resistance. 29?! WHY?!

And Ferdinand is also awesome. His only real weak point is Resistance, but he doesn’t need it. He dodge-tanks everything, is faster than Leonie, and has two Saints’ relics he unknowingly stole from Seteth.

He still talks in MLA format, though.

I started putting off recruiting people so I wouldn’t have to level-grind them up to par with the rest of my team.

But if these people wanna join, of course I’m saying yes.

Lord Lonato’s rebellion and Miklan yoinking the Lance of Ruin feel way less relevant on a Golden Deer playthrough than on a Blue Lions one. None of the Herd really know who the hell these people are.

I say that despite having already recruited Sylvain for this playthrough and deploying him in the relevant level. He wasn’t treated as there by the game’s preamble cutscenes.

At least the Holy Mausoleum stuff feels more...handled? Claude actually asks questions about rebellion and about the “assassination plot,” where Dimitri didn’t really.

OKAY SO there’s this whole plot thing where Flayn goes missing for a month. With the Blue Lions, this is handled like a manhunt. Dimitri’s seriousness about the issue rubs off on everyone except Sylvain, and Felix actually correctly identifies the culprit almost instantly. He doesn’t know he’s done it, though, because basically everyone is just throwing out accusations. Manuela is the real MVP.

CONTRAST THE DEER. The very first meeting reads like a Scooby Doo episode, when they’re piling up clues and throwing out suggestions like the gang of goofball teenagers they are. Claude’s got this group running like Persona 4′s Investigation Team. None of them are jaded or frantic, they’re just doing this.

Why did Rhea entrust the investigation to a herd of teenagers.

Anyway, the rest proceeds as usual.

I don’t know why the game tries to drop the same set of hints for each route. “OoooowoooooOOOOoooo, your house leader might be the FLAME EMPEROR.”

The Flame Emperor wears heels. And is still too short to be either Claude or Dimitri. Especially Dimitri. Who the fuck let this kid get so tall.

The only real result of all this bullshit is that my wyvern-riding sniper of doom is not available during the first map where Yuri personally beat the Death Knight into the ground.

Which, by the by, was hilariously cathartic.

It doesn’t exactly matter, since the only unit who can make real use of the Dark Mage and Dark Bishop classes is unrecruitable, but bragging rights.

Remire Village’s drama is about as bad while playing as the Golden Deer. One of the foreshadowing cutscenes, though is excellent:

Claude actually finds a book that depicts The Immaculate One before its debut, only to have it confiscated by Seteth and learn that it wasn’t a library book at all; it belonged to “Tomas.” Like, all of his suspicions--which he shares with the player--start lining up. Censorship! Monsters! Sword of the Creator! What the hell is going on here??

Dimitri’s version of the cutscene involves him being caught investigating Lord Arundel by the player and Sothis. Which--since his route doesn’t meaningfully deal with the Morlocks faction aside from steamrolling them as incidental opponents--seems kinda useless.

Kicked the Death Knight into submission again out of spite.

Sylvain was useful! Mostly because I had him sit there and distract the incidentals while Claude and Lysithea cleaned house, but still!

Claude is the only lord character who seems to understand that the transforming Morlock faction probably needs to be taken more seriously. For the remainder of Part One, no one does so.

Rhea you’ve got some ‘splainin to do.

Marianne’s my team’s dancer this time. She’s a sweetheart. She seemed happy to be asked and to pursue the lessons, and being able to use Physic is a good trait in someone who’s nearly always going to be waaaaay behind the rest of the group.

Dad-stabbing happened.

Again.

Boop boop Solon’s dead.

Again.

Dear diary: I learned the definition of irony and set the Flame Emperor on fire.

I kid.

But Claude took her out in one completely overpowered shot, because crits are a thing, Flame Emperor class skills don’t reduce damage enough to survive it, and his Dex stat is through the fucking roof. And he was on a wyvern at the time because fuck it, why not.

Claude’s reaction to all of this is a minor letdown compared to the fully-rendered cutscene in the last route.

This would become something of a trend--taking out OP bosses with unexpected critical hits.

I didn’t expect to like Lorenz and now I do. How.

This is hilarious simply because he seems to be the only character that Mercedes hates. What the fuck, man.

Once again, Edelgard invades! Once again, I drop someone unexpected on her head!

Not really. It was Yuri.

Yuri does the timeskip shuffle and we’ll see everyone again after a nap.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

Aw, Claude was waiting for Yuri to show up. Adorable.

The post-meetup fight is actually harder than it was in the BL route, despite excessive level-grinding. This is due to three factors:

Claude is automatically on a wyvern, meaning that he has inherent class vulnerability to archers on a map with at least five of them. And less range than they did, for some fucking reason.

Lorenz and Ignatz started out on the same corner of the map and both of them are shitty offensive units who could barely kill a mage between them. (Neither of Ignatz’s offensive stats cracked 20 for another thirteen levels.)

I don’t have Ashe and his personal skill Locktouch, and nobody started with a Chest Key or Door Key, which meant I had to keep various enemies alive long enough to steal all of their stuff. And the enemy item drops came up one short of the number of chests on the map. I want my stuff, dammit.

LET’S MAKE A SCENE.

Randolph, as a boss in Verdant Wind, did not get any better at figuring out when he’s outmatched. Therefore, I killed him with Raphael again.

At least he straight-up died this time.

Claude didn’t even get to set the damn place on fire.

Ingrid is turning out to be way better of a unit this time than she was last time. She’s a little slower, but a lot stronger.

FELIX, WHERE THE FUCK WAS ALL THIS STRENGTH HIDING LAST TIME. YOU’RE TEN POINTS AHEAD OF THE GUY WHO HAS STORY-BASED SUPER STRENGTH.

AND SPEED.

Iiiiiiiiit’s JUDITH!

She only shows up on one map in the entire Azure Moon route, and that’s a damn shame. She’s so cool in Verdant Wind.

A lord-class character who isn’t also a Lord! WOO!

Also her spies are better than anybody’s apparently.

I am choosing to believe that because Ingrid’s family is related to Judith’s, her badassery in this route is the direct result of meeting her distant cousin and absorbing badass radiation.

There’s something funny about having to pull one over on Lorenz’s dad to get anything done. The Great Bridge falls not to power, but Claude baiting Count Gloucester’s entire army to be somewhere else. (FEAR THE DEER.)

As a result, Ladislava dies alone. (As opposed to taking Ferdinand with her due to plot shenanigans.)

Lysithea and Ferdinand’s paralogue was really quite sad, for all that the only named guy who died was deeply unsympathetic. Ferdinand’s dad was an asshole, but he wasn’t the asshole for this particular scenario, and now both of his parents are gone. :(

Felix...hasn’t heard from his dad in a while. Worrying.

Oh, and Caspar’s uncle is still dead, in case we were keeping track of that.

Dorothea’s happier with Ferdinand alive. She did an impression of the Gatekeeper. :3

Gronder Field! FUCK.

I delayed playing this chapter for two solid days because I already knew what was gonna happen. Specifically: Edelgard gets injured and evacuated, and Dimitri drops of exhaustion just in time to get run through like ten times by the Emperor’s rearguard.

I eventually got my shit together enough to do the thing.

Marianne, Raphael, and Ferdinand went after the Kingdom army first. Leonie and Felix hung back and then reinforced them after taking out the archer on the central hill.

Claude killed everyone in the center of the map, which meant Edelgard set the entire hill on fire and if Bernadetta had not been recruited she would’ve burned to death there on the spot.

Ahem.

I sent Yuri to clear the entire left side of the map by herself.

She succeeded.

Raphael KO’d Dimitri with a luck Gauntlet crit, got blasted down to half health by a Warlock, then plunked ineffectually at Dedue until Marianne used her Levin Sword to sort him out.

Ferdinand killed everyone else on that side of the map.

Claude once again got the kill on Edelgard with a lucky crit, after Yuri had killed everyone else (up to and including the Demonic Beasts) single-handedly.

And then the plot moved on. Hilda’s account of Dimitri’s death was awful, Dedue’s reaction was worse, and off we go to punch Edelgard’s teeth in.

Again.

Annette’s dad is probably dead now.

Felix’s, too.

(I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE DAD-STABBING.)

FOOOOOORT MERCEUS.

No matter how many times I think about it, Claude’s Almyran army reinforcements only make so much sense. How the hell and fuck did he manage to sneak an entire foreign army across a whole country to help with one battle?

But hey, they’re here, and Claude almost admitted the reason why he could do that. And the arrow greeting between him and Nader was cool.

(Spoiler: On top of being the Alliance’s leader, he’s also the crown prince of Almyra!)

The Death Knight had the gall to run from my army.

Yuri punched his ticket for the third time, which was not the charm.

And then Fort Merceus took an intercontinental ballistic missile and suddenly defeating the fort’s garrison feels a lot less triumphant.

Spot the miscolored eyes in this cutscene!

Welp. Fuck it, we’re off to Enbarr. Time to also punch Hubert this time! What a change of pace.

Eyyy, it’s the Enbarr map. I totally forgot to bring Seteth and Flayn along to check out the opera house, despite a whole bunch of characters talking about how they totally wanted to check that place out at some point. No room for deadweights in a map that has SO MANY ARCHERS.

Managed to get the special dialogue between Ferdinand and Hubert, and now I’m sad again.

Killed Hubert with Claude.

And because this is a two-part map, we immediately run off to chase down Edelgard. Due to the player army not doing a really weird 180 in the middle of the plot to kick Cornelia out of Fhirdiad, she didn’t have time to turn into a giant demonic thing! She just has WAY TOO MANY MAGES.

Strategy: Forget what Door Keys are, split the team by Avoid rating, and go to town.

Claude nearly died thanks to a critical mass of Gremories and Mortal Savants (and still, what the fuck is that name), but Dedue-as-guest-character didn’t, so I count that as a win! His defense was so high that the Giant Demonic Beast couldn’t even scratch him.

Claude, Petra, and Ingrid all having Alert Stance as a skill means dodge-tanking is hilariously easy.

Also, Ingrid was supposed to just take a chunk out of Edelgard’s HP bar for the final assault and ended up crit-killing her on the first attack. With a bog-standard silver lance.

Weird as the situation turned out, I guess that means one of Dimitri’s friends really did avenge him after saying they would. Even if Dedue was the only one who had a special cutscene about it.

We rescued Rhea! And the characters being happy about it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I want answers, same as Claude, and being forced to RP Yuri being oh so worried about Rhea’s safety felt incredibly disingenuous.

Claude actually yells at her over the “...” she seems to think is an explanation. THE TIME FOR SECRETS IS PAST.

WHY DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN.

WE’VE BEEN AT WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE DIED HORRIBLY FOR BASICALLY NOTHING.

Incidentally, this is why I didn’t end up playing Edelgard’s route as planned. Her logic for kicking two other sovereign countries in the balls felt incredibly self-centered.

At least Catherine’s happy. Same with Alois and the rest of the Church crew.

They are soon going to be not as happy.

I’m filling out the ENTIRE support log before endgame. I have absolutely no idea what characters are going to end up together as a direct result.

The last conversation? Seteth and Manuela’s A+ support!

Because so many of the support conversations are romantic at A/A+ level, I guess we’ve managed to turn this ragtag army into a polyarmory.

Oh boy, Thales sure is a sore loser.

I say, as though I didn’t kill EVERYONE he knew over the course of an hour and also split his skull open under Seteth’s axe. His racism would have keeled his ass over before death set in.

That sure is a ICBM.

GOD DAMMIT RHEA, THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A Q&A SESSION AFTER THIS.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WHOSE JOB IS EXPOSITION UP AND DIE.

Meanwhile: THE UBER-DEAD PEOPLE.

Claude, your route is batshit. What is this genre anymore?!

I wanna point out that, despite seeing Rhea/Seiros do the dragon thing, the player character never told Claude what the fuck that was about. I feel like one of the first things I would have done after the class reunion would be going, “By the by, did anyone else notice the fucking dragon?!”  WHO IS ALSO THE POPE???

Bah.

ANYWAY. Looooong-overdue exposition time!

I notice that Rhea didn’t out Seteth or Flayn, which was nice of her.

Claude, she can turn into a fucking dragon. I don’t think immortality is that far from being plausible.

GOD DAMMIT NEMESIS, CAN YOU FUCK OFF FOR TEN MORE MINUTES.

Uuuuuuugh fine, fuck everything, I’m putting your head on a pike.

CLAUDE, THE SWORD OF THE CREATOR LOOKS LIKE A SPINE.

OF COURSE IT’S MADE OF BONES. A BUNCH OF THE HEROES’ RELICS MOVE ON THEIR OWN!

The frantic music is not helping.

Time to kill a bandit king.

“My flabber is completely gasted by now.” Okay, that made me laugh.

Nemesis’s boss mechanic is pretty neat. To kill him at all, you need to kill all of the minibosses in the level and take down his friendship-based-plot-armor.

Or it would be, if I didn’t already make a habit of steamrolling everyone else on the field before tackling the boss at the end.

CUTSCENE.

Cutscene lesson: “Fuck honor duels.” It’s time for CHAIN SWORD LIMBO.

Claude, your bow shoots LASERS. SINCE WHEN.

Also getting kicked across the field by a dude twice his size didn’t seem to actually affect his mood much.

Awww, Yuri smiles now. Adorable. :D

AND THAT’S A WRAP.

Pairings: Yuri/Sothis (mostly to get them out of the way and see what everyone else would do), Claude/Petra, Raphael/Marianne, Catherine/Shamir, Lorenz/Mercedes, Ashe/Annette, Felix/Sylvain (bad end; the former straight up disappears), Seteth & Flayn wander off, Manuela/Dorothea, Lysithea/Linhardt (again), Leonie/Ignatz, Ferdinand/Bernadetta, Caspar/Hilda, and a couple of people are alone. Cyril gets to actually be a student after the story’s done, though!

Whew, that was fun. Gonna mix up the pairs a bit next time I play through the endgame and see what happens.

[hvrtlings]

                               “ no matter how fast light travels, it finds                                    the darkness has always got there first “

* ╰   lorenzo zurzolo ;  18 ;  he/his  —— wow,  lachlan hawthorn  sure has changed. i guess  he  is feeling isolated from the other  gryffindor  members. guess you can’t really blame him. i still remember him being so  curious & adaptable  now he just seems  frustrated & evasive  guess being a  halfblood  isn’t helping matters much either.  i’m hopeful though. they’ll be just fine.  (  zoe ; cst ; 21 ; she/her  )  

WARNINGS:  infidelity, murder, car crashes, mention of war & hospitals & general bigotry    ADDITIONAL MATERIALS:   lachlan’s stats page, playlist, & pinterest board   ADDITIONAL NOTES:  this is fully a few thousand words longer than either nate’s or alecto’s intros and i should edit it down but i also need it to not be in my drafts. really sorry about that. if you want a tldr version please hmu!! or if you just want to plot!!!

when lachlan’s biological parents married, rumors abounded. plenty of couples from their class got married right out of hogwarts   ---   but none of those other couples were such a puzzling case to their peers. no one knew what sweet serena alessandri saw in declan glynne. sometimes, even serena wasn’t quite sure what it was about him; he was a dark beauty, something she could only call him in her head. he was the sort of boy who’d bristle at such a feminine compliment as beautiful; never mind that it was true. but for all his good looks, no other girl had been interested in him. maybe because he wasn’t a sweet guy   ---   just a guy who was sweet to her. 

sweet serena alessandri: deposed princess of a new money pureblood family, she hailed from italy and had lived her whole life in clueless luxury. right up until her new money family found themselves newly penniless, and escaped to england to hide their shame. 

the girls and boys she’d grown up with, gone to school with   ---   they turned on her and her family the moment they lacked the funds to support the frivolous life italian purebloods led. 

oh, but they were mean. they rubbed her family’s new poverty in her face with well calculated cruelty. they were the reasons she vowed to keep her head down when she transferred to hogwarts. she was wary of befriending muggles and muggleborns, but wary of hating them, too. haughtiness got you nothing; she knew this well. 

serena was hurt and young and foolish   ---   not to mention ever fearful of seeming those things. declan never acted like she was; maybe that’s all there was to her love. a sense of safety, if only from ridicule. 

surly declan glynne: why, he hardly warranted a full backstory. he was an angry pureblood boy from a long line of angry pureblood boys who’d never had enough money to back up their feelings of superiority. 

he was almost militant in his hatred of muggleborns and muggles; he hated muggles with a quiet passion, but muggleborns were the real problem. muggleborns infected his everyday life, stole opportunities directly from him. 

hardly a radical feeling, but still   ---   his bigotry and working-class roots didn’t make for a winning combination. swimming in friends and admirers, he was not. 

so the unlikely hogwarts sweethearts settled down months after graduating, and bets were made among their peers on how long they’d actually last. 

everybody who bet that the answer was  ‘ not long ‘  had plenty of evidence to support their stance   ---   namely, that while declan scrounged up a job in the magical maintenance department at the ministry, serena went to muggle university   ( excelled there, in that world of finite answers and figures, like she never could in the magical theory and feeling and pronunciation at hogwarts )   and ended up working at a muggle accounting firm. 

that while serena was making more money than the highest ranking official in declan’s department, declan stewed in his anger. 

his resentment bled into the relationship. they’d never had too much in common; when the sweetness declan used to treat her with left, serena was so confused. but she hated asking questions   ---   fearful as ever of seeming young and hurt and foolish, wary as ever of showing a chink in her armor to people far better equipped for cruelty. just as she learned that the purebloods of her childhood were crueler than her, she knew without needing the lesson that her husband was crueler, too. 

serena’s muggle coworkers and classmates had always liked her. 

she’d always told a version of the truth, to explain why some simple things confused her so much   —   after all, it wasn’t a lie that she was grew up in a rich italian family who lost the fortune when she was in her teens and left her kind of adrift. 

her confusion at taxis and ball point pens could be laughed off as a sign of her former rich-girl ways. 

as could her need to be liked. they all knew she attended a string of elite boarding schools but ended up having to pay her own way through university   ---   knew that she worked hard and wanted people to see that about her. 

so, yes: they’d always liked her. she was kind. 

her coworkers noticed the seemingly sudden shift in her mood, and one brave man she’d worked on a few projects with took that notice a step further   ---    friendly and concerned about her, just as kind as serena had always been to him, andrew reynolds asked her out to lunch one day. and there, he asked why serena was feeling so low.

the sweetness and the kindness from him was enough to open the floodgates. maybe, she could admit, she’d felt a little starved for those two things. declan’s moods had only ever gotten worse. she answered andrew’s questions with all the honesty the ministry allowed. 

she revealed that her husband wasn’t sweet to her anymore, that he was actually kind of cold. she revealed she was hurt and unsure of what she did wrong. andrew paid for her meal and told her that she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

that one lunch, where he said he’d be there for her, devolved into many lunches, and then late-running meetings, and finally time spent out of the office. they fell in love   —   and she became pregnant.

she hid it from declan for a while; they hadn’t been having sex all that frequently, with his sudden ire at her putting a dent in romance. but she hurried to initiate it as often as she felt was  ‘ normal ’  for a happy marriage, after she found out she was pregnant.

she wasn’t happy being married to him, but the idea of separating was alien to her   —   so she needed him to think that the baby was his.

she only got more unhappy with him, when she figured enough time had passed that she could reveal the pregnancy without suspicion. serena wasn’t sure how she’d have felt if declan had been pleased to hear they were having a baby   —   if any excitement or warmth would have won her back to him, if a return of love would’ve erased all her hurt. but the news only seemed to make him more miserable; so serena never had to find out. 

fast forward: lachlan is born, the staff at st. mungo’s hurrying as best they can to get out of a room so tense where it should be joyous. declan named the baby, and serena let him. a pang of something wrong rang through her but she ignored it in favor of plastering on a warm smile.  

then the trio returned home. 

apparently declan   ( who’d never been all that smart, whose suspicions never seemed to touch his wife, for all his anger at her and the world at large )    had wondered at serena’s change in mood before the pregnancy. he hadn’t really noticed she’d started feeling small and hurt and lost at home until she was happy again. and when she was happier, he got suspicious. he followed her physically when he could, spied on her magically when he could, and never got proof of an all-out affair   ---   but declan glynne had been born suspicious. he could wait. 

here’s the thing: all babies kind of look the same. lachlan’s looks weren’t a shocking departure from declan’s and serena’s. andrew reynolds had been white, too, so it wasn’t like baby lachlan’s skin tone was super different. but declan had just made a deal with himself, like   —   serena and I both have light hair; if this baby’s hair isn’t almost transparent, I’ll know. 

baby lachlan was born with a shock of honeyed-brown curls. so that was that. 

declan was, all records would show, an anti-muggle wackjob. and he was beyond furious that serena   ( his wife. he may not have loved her any longer, but she was his )   thought to pass off some  ‘ muggle’s bastard ‘  as his son. 

they lived in a little wizarding neighborhood a small ways away from godric’s hollow; some might say, kindly, it was more quaint than godric’s hollow. others, honestly, might point out it was a way cheaper godric’s hollow. a neighbor saw and understood what the flash of green light in the glynnes’ windows meant, and alerted the aurors. 

baby lachlan was left generally parent-less, as serena was dead and declan ended up in prison. he might have ended up dead himself, had the aurors not arrived on time. godric bless nosy neighbors, and all that. 

declan wasn’t a smart or wealthy enough pureblood guy to get away literally murdering his wife over an affair. 

some people probably sympathized with him   ( serena cheated on him with a muggle. when that saucy story hit the news, that fact was hammered in and plenty of people got where he was coming from )   but it wasn’t enough to keep him out of prison. 

lachlan definitely did have a still living parent who would’ve jumped at the chance to take care of him   —   but the wizarding authorities never even considered andrew reynolds for any real length of time. 

a peek into the auror office’s thought process:  if we give him the baby we have to explain how and why and that serena’s dead. and it’s just easier to not do that.

a peek into the world of wizarding adoptions: even smarmy, blood purist wizarding society is all about preserving magical blood. so magical orphans aren’t long left without homes; magical orphanages aren’t a thing. wizarding families are often huge. so orphaned wizards are shopped around to even distant relatives and then, if that doesn’t work out, given to other families.

scandalous, family-less, little baby lachlan wasn’t long alone.

meet the hawthorn family   ---    edmund hawthorn was born edmund shafiq and was quietly exiled from his sacred twenty-eight family when he came out. which was fine, because his husband travis hawthorn came from a sprawlingly big and welcoming half-blood family and they took edmund in right away. 

edmund still wrote to his parents, and they wrote back; they hadn’t disowned him out of bad blood. he knew his parents still loved him. they just loved the family’s image more, and needed to give him the boot in order to name his brother orlando the heir  ...   since he could give them more heirs. 

travis, conversely, had a lovely relationship with his family. 

both edmund and travis were pretty high ranking ministry workers. edmund worked in the office for the department of magical law enforcement   —   not an auror, but someone who puts together files and goes over paperwork and traces patterns. travis was a liaison minister with the department of international magical cooperation. they’re good guys with good reputations and the ministry was honestly relieved when they offered to adopt lachlan. 

lachlan grew up with two sisters: della, who was five years older, and laurel, who was just ten months older. he loved them with all his heart. 

people tended to think he and laurel were twins, especially growing up   —   the dads cut her hair a little short because she was always getting into a mess, and it was easier to clean mud and neon paint out of shorter curls than long ones   —   but with their matching hair and their alliterative names, their propensity to always cause trouble as a team   ...   they just seemed like twins.

him and laurel seeming like blood related siblings to the outside eye made it easier for the world to forget that the hawthorn’s son was the baby that caused that big scandal.   

edmund and travis never lied to the two of them and said they were blood related twins or siblings, outright. but they did let the world outside their family assume that. they figured life would be easier for lachlan if that was the readily accepted truth.

lachlan wasn’t all that adventurous on his own, but found himself dragged into his sisters’ adventures; he could vouch from experience that mud and neon paint were a pain to wash out as it was, and couldn’t imagine adding more hair into the equation. 

his sisters might’ve been better at getting into messes, but lachlan made up for it by being a mess. he was always having a crisis as a kid   —   his stuffed dinosaurs were just ravaging the block city, dad, but what about the finger puppet people in that apartment building? do they even sell dinosaur insurance?? why didn’t I think of the implications here  ... 

he and laurel played knights a lot, with toy swords and helmets modeled after the suits of armor in hogwarts  ( travis asked edmund if that wasn’t a little much, when they bought them; they were a few years out from school, after all, they didn’t care that the helmets were accurate   —   )   and lachlan always wondered about the ramifications of two knights fighting each other. laurel always took the ensuing soliloquy of hypothetical questions as opportunity to knock him flat backwards.

he was a needy kid   —   he always had questions at his lips, a thousand moral quandaries to discuss. he had an active imagination and a tendency to let situations snowball into situations.

he was often hilarious, and rarely on purpose, and very easy to like. anyone who knew his birth mother would’ve been surprised to see lachlan   —   he truly was nothing like serena. he was bright and sweet and openly curious about everything. he loved storytelling and art and music; a perfect case to show that nurture always won out over nature.

when it was time for him to go to hogwarts, he wasn’t at all sure what house he’d get sorted into   —   it wasn’t the sort of thing he’d ever been hung up on thinking about, for all that he’d wondered about every other part of the hogwarts experience. his dads had both been in different houses, and he had no way of knowing what houses his birth parents belonged to. the sorting hat cried out GRYFFINDOR a scant few moments after touching down on his unruly curls, and lachlan decided that felt right.

he loved hogwarts.  

 lachlan made friends easily and often   —   he’d grown up in the constant companionship of his sisters and knew well how to start conversations and shift them from uncomfortable topics, was skilled at asking questions that made people feel good and liked. 

he was a little overzealous in class, but most of his professors liked him well enough. lachlan was still a curious guy, and seemed to genuinely care about each subject   —   something that went a long way towards endearing him to hogwarts’ staff.

though, some of the staff might’ve been endeared to him even if he wasn’t generally endearing. 

his interesting past wasn’t a secret from most of the professors; travis and edmund had done well enough redirecting people’s memories around their son, but then most people had already forgotten about serena and declan, or else had never really known them in the first place. but many hogwarts professors recalled teaching the couple, recalled the shock their ending gave them, when the news hit.

lachlan’s  ‘ story ‘  wasn’t something his dads had shared with him just yet, so lachlan himself didn’t know. it was a little maddening walking around the castle, when it felt like all the adults looked like they knew something he didn’t. 

dumbledore, being dumbledore, took it upon himself to tell lachlan the whole sordid tale himself, when lachlan was just starting his fourth year. it was a shock   ( it majorly pissed off travis and edmund, who never found out why the old man did such a thing )   but the next time he went home for the holidays his dads sat him down and explained that, no they weren’t hiding it from him and yes, they’d had plans set to tell him when he was seventeen and of age.

wizarding authorities could have hunted down andrew reynolds and told him he had a son, but they didn’t. travis and edmund, however, wanted to find andrew just in case lachlan ever wanted to meet him. so lo and behold   —   once lachlan knew, his dad’s set up a meeting for the four of them in muggle london. it went well; kinda full of shock and crying, even without breaking the  ‘ wizard ’  of it all to andrew, but still well.

lachlan was perfectly happy with his sisters and his dads; for all that he’d always known he was adopted and for all that he’d always been curious as hell, he’d never really pushed his dads about his birth parents. his dads just were his dads. end of story   —   no need for questions. 

which was part of why it was easy for him to go fourteen years before learning about his past. lachlan could not be paid to stop the flow of his curiosity, but there were somethings that seemed so solidly true he never thought to question them.

so while it was kind of cool meeting andrew, it was also kind of weird. knowing about andrew at all was weird   —   because it meant knowing that his mother had died days after giving birth to him, alone and scared and unhappy. and that her husband had been a bigot and a murderer; that declan glynne was still alive in prison somewhere. it was a suckerpunch to the gut knowing that lachlan had come close to being killed himself, if a neighbor hadn’t called the aurors on their house just in time to save the baby he used to be.

listen, he’d never wanted to know where he came from. 

but he knew he’d feel, like, kind of bad if he just never saw andrew again. so with his dads’ permission   ( and encouragement; edmund and travis thought this would be good for lachlan, like getting to know his Muggle Heritage from his Muggle Birth Father )   he hung out with him on occasion, during holidays and school breaks.

even though the professors clearly knew about his past, and his dads did, and his sisters did once he decided he wanted to tell them   ...   lachlan kept it all under wraps around his friends at school. he liked to think he was an open book, before. but learning where he came from made him want to play his cards a little closer to his chest. he couldn’t put his finger on why   —   he knew it worried his dads, he knew it did, and figured he’d get over it in due time, once he settled into the truth.

it just didn’t seem like the truth wanted to settle around him.

declan glynne had family. he was a middle son from a whole gaggle of bigoted, disillusioned glynne brothers. the ministry just never considered them when they were trying to figure out who would take lachlan on. they looked at serena’s family and saw no options, but declan was not lachlan’s father and, like andrew, was never even considered. 

ian glynne had a bone to pick with this   —   had a bone to pick with lachlan’s whole existence, too, had a problem with that almost more than being overlooked. 

( he thought that if serena had just kept her legs shut she’d never have gotten herself pregnant and gotten herself dead and gotten her husband sent to prison. more than that, he thought if she hadn’t gotten the idea of a muggle career into her head and made his brother upset, what with her math and her decent paycheck, she really would’ve staved all this off. but serena was dead   —   so it was easier to blame the baby, who wasn’t. )

he was a fan of simmering in his anger and hatred and kept up with the news about lachlan, at least enough to know who he ended up being adopted by.

and from there he got an idea; the hawthorns were good people   —   a compliment that would’ve come out as a sneer if ian voiced it, the judgement and sarcasm inherent in every syllable. he figured at some point, they’d tell lachlan who his birth parents were, maybe even introduce him to that homewrecking muggle. and if they did, and if ian kept a low profile, kept observing   …   they’d lead ian right to the muggle at the root of his brother’s injustice. 

he wasn’t always watching lachlan, just keeping an eye on him by keeping an eye on his dads. he’d never been all that smart or ambitious   —   the glynnes were a family that thrived in their self-righteousness and self-importance and didn’t feel like they should have to act on those things to get what they deserved.

but his anger, his half baked plot, was enough to spur ian to action for the first time in his life. he rose through the ranks of the ministry through pure determination and will and ended up working in the same office in the department of magical law enforcement as edmund. they almost became friends; not earnestly, not honestly   —   not on ian’s part. but they did. friendly enough for ian to ask after edmund’s kids and get answers, friendly enough to hear about the trip into muggle london to visit someone edmund described as one of the kids’  ‘ distant relatives. ‘

he followed them.

and he didn’t do anything that time lachlan and the muggle were in the same place, but he started to plan.

it would’ve been too hard to keep magical surveillance over lachlan and the hawthorns, so he hadn’t, not ever. just kept an eye on them the old fashioned way, through word of mouth and casual water-cooler conversation. but andrew reynolds had no means of catching ian glynne in the act of spying. so, spy he did.

muggle police would later rule it a tragic car accident   —   shaking their heads at the carnage as they carted lachlan off to the muggle hospital while he clung with bloody hands to consciousness. it took hours for the dads to find him there and by the time his family reached him he decided he wouldn’t tell them any of the truth of what happened; told the official from the auror department once he got relocated to st. mungo’s, but only because he had to. 

he never asked if that official told his dads. none of the hawthorns talked about the situation anymore than they had to, after that.

here was the situation:

ian glynne tailed lachlan and andrew all day   —   a saturday during easter hols during lachlan’s fifth year wherein andrew showed lachlan around muggle london. the pair had lunch together, looked in a few shops, and were set to drive out to andrew’s home outside of the city, where edmund and travis and lachlan’s sisters would meet them later for tea. 

ian glynne got them on a secluded section of road just far enough away from both the city proper and andrew’s home to cause immediate alarm.

he came out in front of the car and andrew made to swerve around the man, but ian cast some defensive spell lachlan had yet to learn at the hood. it exploded   —   felt like they crashed into another vehicle even though they were the only car on the road.

lachlan and andrew both slammed into the windshield, but neither crashed through it. ian came ‘round to andrew’s side of the car and started screaming questions at him about serena and declan; then he shot him with a muggle handgun, something lachlan had surely never laid eyes on before.

andrew did not die from that initial gunshot   —   ian was a terrible shot, and was half out of his mind besides. the bullet just grazed him, and he inelegantly dragged andrew out of the car after. 

lachlan made his way out of the vehicle too, bleeding and hurt, all cut up and bruised from the crash and the glass he had to wade through. he thought, maybe, he was in shock. he was certainly in shock once he finally bambi-legged his way out of the demolished vehicle and saw ian cast a cruciatus on his biological father. 

and, still in shock when he saw ian whammy andrew with a killing curse after that. 

ian did not attempt to turn his wand on lachlan   —   this was the second time in his short life that a glynne brother forgot to kill him once done with a more satisfying target. ian took for the bare april greenery lining the road and lachlan   ( curious, trauamtized dumbass that he was )   ran after him. found a gun pointed at him for a terrifying moment before the muggle police sirens cut the air and sent ian apparating on out of there.

he fought to go back to hogwarts right away; it was only the first saturday of the holiday that all this went down, so lachlan felt, since he spent the whole rest of it in hospitals and bed, surely he was fine. the dads disagreed, and his sisters disagreed, and the auror working on ian’s case disagreed. he’d just become, in a way, an orphan. and it felt like no one around him cared to see him recover in the way he wanted to.

lachlan managed to bargain that he’d get to return to school as soon as ian was sent to join his brother in prison   —   none of the world any wiser that he’d been there when the newest glynne family crime was committed. 

laurel decreed that it’d look less strange if both of them stayed home until then, and that was that. the dads wouldn’t begrudge lachlan the company of his sister, if he couldn’t return to full normalcy just yet.

della was graduated at this point, technically an adult working a fancy job at some boutique robe shop, but she came home every day from work and glued herself to her younger siblings’ sides. lachlan recovered his new, strange orphan-hood with his not-twin and big sister at his side, dads hovering around as much as their jobs allowed.

the hawthorns were tight knit and loosely configured all at once   —   always brimming with love and independence in spades, care expressed tenderly and roughly, like no one was sure how to be earnest. edmund and travis had always expressed affection like that: through arguing and debating and ribbing more than any big displays. 

the kids worked the same way. family dinners used to be more running jokes and teasing than anything, raucous like none of them knew the definition of serious.

the five hawthorns weren’t really sure if that old normal was still achievable; lachlan’s brush with near-death met the daunting news lurking on the edge of their world. the whispers of war.

things became very real for the carefree family   —   the fact of edmund’s disownment, and travis’ famous half-bloodedness.

that all three kids were adopted with far-from-simple origin stories   ( even if lachlan’s was the loudest, neither laurel nor della came from a closet free of skeletons ),   that the dads were gay and the kids were open in their opposition to anti-muggle and anti-muggleborn sentiment

ian glynne might not’ve gone after lachlan for any of that, not really. but the possibility started to hit with dizzying closeness.

two weeks after the holiday officially ended, laurel and lachlan returned to hogwarts. if lachlan had seemed new and different upon receiving the news of his biological parentage, then he seemed really different following his brush with death and new witness to murder. it was the kind of different that was hard to put your finger on. he smoked now, and drank more; he was liable to fall into fits of melancholy. 

cynicism did not come easy to him, but he found that wariness did, that secrecy did. it was shocking.

he finished his fifth year chomping at the bit to do something, anything, about the awful ways in which his world was changing. the next year only held more tragedy   ---   attacks and deaths and disappearances. no one knew what happened to him unless he chose to tell them   ( and in truth, there was almost no one he chose to tell )   but he couldn’t help but feel a kinship with everyone newly hurt by this world. he’d been hurt by it, too, after all. 

there was a small degree of safety offered within hogwarts’ walls, but he couldn’t help but want to be free of them. to be out there, doing something. lachlan would wait for now, ask questions and notice things and store them away the way he always had. but it started to feel like he was just biding his time until he had something to do with every new thing he learned.