#(i hope im using comphet right)

[m1dv1ght]

Okay, Agents of Shield Fanfic idea (coming from someone who’s only half way through season 2, i think im on like episode 15 or smth it doesn’t matter) but imagine a oc, or reader, idk, who is part of the team, maybe has worked with Grant before and like wants to bang him or whatever, and then obviously Skye joins or wtv, and like reader is like lowkey jealous of Skye because Grant likes her, and then fast forward they find out Grant is evil works for Hydra, and like one things leads to another and Skye and Reader/Oc end up becoming closer and then suddenly they both realize, hey, f ward, im in love with you. And then ✨lesbian✨ (or bisexual because i 100% see and live for bisexual skye) like i could never write a full on fic about this(but i cant write a full fic about anything so yk), but i could write little blurbs/headcannons about this if yall want

[bluem1lls]

i need part 2 of se-mi with comphet reader 😭

✧₊⁺ speak now (or don't, and love forever in silence)

groom bff! se-mi x comphet! reader

synopsis: after years of waiting, he finally propose. wasn't this everything you wished for?

but you couldn't bring yourself to be happy.

was it maybe because when you thought about it, all you could picture was her face?

content: some angst, but finally fluff!!!!

authors note: im so sorry for the looooong ass late updates, im so so busy but im ab to go on break so everyone cheered!!! im back i promise:( im so excited for this part 2 i actually love it and i hope u do too!!!!

part one. part two (you're here!)

famous actress finally engaged with the famous choi su-bong, more known as 'thanos', old rapper surging back!

we all saw on Instagram the romantic proposal he prepped for her, and of course like every girl would, she said yes!

we are so happy for the married couple!

"fucking bullshit" se-mi threw her phone away with rage after reading the most liked post from the magazine's instagram.

her hands went to her face as she groaned, biting back her lip to keep the tears away.

poor dumb girl. she actually thought you were coming back to her...

"the way he proposed was so romantic, i'm glad he did it that way, it was what you always wanted ever since you were a kid" my best friend jun-hee took my hands between hers with a comforting smile. i smiled softly as i sighed.

"y-yeah. it was.." i whispered. she stares into my eyes, squeezing my hands. her expression fell, now filled with pity. she knew me more than anyone.

"you do know that you're supposed to be happy about getting married right?" she says with a lifted eyebrow as i pressed my lips.

"i am." i said, trying to convince myself.

"honey-" she murmurs as i cut her.

"i have to be." i said, turning to face myself in the mirror. streightening my skirt as i faked my best smile.

and it was true. everything was exactly how i always wanted it.

so.. why didn't it felt like it?

i heard a knock that snapped me out of my thoughts. we both turned as the door opened. "excuse me, just wanted to let you know the invitations have been sent" a girl said with a smile as i nodded, thanking her.

once she left, jun-hee stared at me. "did you sent one for.." my best friend said, stopping herself as i shuddered.

"yeah. of course. they're best friends." refering to my husband and se-mi. i put a smile to pretend i didn't cared. or at least i tried, although it didn't even reached my eyes.

if your own best friend stares at you with pity, you start to consider maybe you're not doing as well as you thought.

but i couldn't back up. not now. not ever.

"this belongs in the trash" se-mi says with a sarcastic smirk, grabbing the invitation only to crumble it with anger as min-su stops her.

"we can't just.. not go" he says to her as she stares at him, incredulous.

"do you want me to go to that fucking wedding? for what?" she spits with anger and disbelief, her voice getting louder as he sighs. he got used to seeing his best friend angered ever since the news came out.

"listen, i get it, okay? but it's our best friend's wedding. we can't just miss it" min-su says in a soft tone, trying to make her understand.

"i refuse to watch her get married." her cold voice snaps. "fuck this." she says with a groan, frustration all over her face.

"you need to move on! you know those two! yeah they hate eachother, but they're not breaking up sem. they're getting married, and probably everything that goes after that. are you just gonna avoid thanos until you die?" he says snapping as she furrows her brow, a small pout on her pierced lips without her even noticing it.

"there's nothing to move on, there was never anything between me and her right?" she says with a sigh. "i'm still not going. i fucking hate weddings" she says under her breath, going to her room to avoid the conversation. and something about that doesn't feel true, because she loves to think about you on a wedding dress. but not if it's not with.. she shakes her head to remove the thought, slamming the door. min-su sighs, his hands on his face, exhausted.

"oh god" jun-hee says with tears on her face, her eyes twinkle in awe as i laugh, a little teary.

the dress looks.. perfect. just like in my childhood dream. my perfect dream wedding.

"it was made for you" she says as i chuckle, giving a little spin for her.

i should be so happy...

"yeah.. i think we're done" i say to the girl from the store, who's standing on my side, staring at me with a soft smile. "this is it. this is the one."

i slowly head back to the changing room to remove the dress. i place back my clothes while my assistant goes to pay. i stare at myself in the mirror.

why am i not happy? why doesn't it feel like i'm getting married?

i sigh as i leave the store with my two companions.

"let's grab some coffee, it's right around the corner and im dying for some caffeine." jun-hee says as i nod.

i feel my phone buzzing on my pockets.

oh god, of course. he's always fucking forgetting about the wedding or where i am. god why am i marrying this-

my breath hitches as i grab my phone, reading the text.

this can't be happening.

not now.

oh god.

sem: a wedding?

sem: really?

of course it's her.

of course she texts me out of nowhere a fucking random tuesday at 3 pm.

of course she makes my heart beat on my chest like no one ever did. just for a fucking text.

i scoff in disbelief as my manicured nails type with anger.

me: for real?

me: this is what you're texting me?

me: after not hearing about you for fucking YEARS??????

i see the little bubble that indicates she's typing back. the fact that she hasn't left the chat since she texted me makes me bite my lip.

sem: i've seen the photos

sem: you know

sem: you dont look like someone whos excited to get married

i roll my eyes as i let out a shaky breath, she hit a nerve.

me: what do you know? you havent talked to me in years, maybe things changed.

sem: everything did.

sem: except this.

sem: why do you keep lying to yourself?

i place my phone back in my pocket with shaky hands, leaving her on seen. i place my head on my hands as i groan.

why did she had appear out of nowhere?

i was fine without.. knowing about her.

without thinking about her. without her smile. without knowing if she's seeing someone..

i was okay without her. yeah. i was perfect.

god i really need that coffee.

as i get home i watch my... fiance laying on the couch.

"did you even tried the cake samples i left?" i said with frustration as i leave my purse.

"uh, nam-gyu did, he said the black tea one was really good" he said without too much care as i stared at him disbelief.

"am i getting married to nam-gyu? because i needed MY husband to try them!" i say, standing in front of him, my hands on my hips as he rolled his eyes.

"who the fuck cares about the cake baby? no one does" he says, his arms sneaking around my waist to bring me closer to him.

"i care! i am going to be the wife in this fucking wedding and i care about the cake!" i shout angry. "and don't touch me" i let myself loose of his grip as he groans in built frustration.

"seriously? this again?" he says with a sigh, letting go.

"after the wedding" i say to him as my heart sinks. liar.

"about time" he rolls his eyes, his focus on the phone once again.

i stare at him blinking in disbelief.

this is my life?

am i gonna marry.. this idiot?

i go upstairs as i remove my outside clothes, placing on my pjs. i slowly let myself sink in bed as i grab my phone, my hands trembling as i bite my lip.

was this a good idea? no.

clearly not.

but god, i couldn't stop thinking about her.

me: are you coming?

me: to the wedding

me: i sent you an invitation

it takes her two minutes to reply.

sem: no.

oh. i chew on my bottom lip thinking about what to reply, until she texts back a few minutes later.

sem: why?

do i? do i wanna get marry, knowing she's there, staring at me?

the question is.. will i get married, knowing she's there, sitting on the crowd, watching me?

me: i want you there

the texting bubbles appear and disappear for over 10 minutes, making me extremely anxious as i wait for her reply.

sem: okay

okay what? okay that i want her there although i shouldn't? okay that-

sem: i'll see you there.

sem: consider this as my confirmation to the wedding.

i throw my phone away with shaky hands. my head sinks on my pillow, muffling my scream.

god, what have i done?

finally, today is the day.

today, i'm getting married.

the happiest day in my life. that's what everyone is saying.

so why i've been crying non stop until falling asleep?

i stared at myself, sat in front of my mirror. my makeup perfectly done, my hair loose in soft waves, the dress made just for me. it had to be like this, because this was what everyone expected from me.

i sighed as i stood up, leaving the room to go wait on the door for my entrance. i could hear the bells ringing, the wedding music. my dad appears, walking slowly until he was standing besides with a smile.

"i'm proud of you" he said, staring at front as i did too, my eyes teary. but it wasn't happiness, it was...

"everything is like it's supposed to be" i said, streightening myself. my head turned to stare at him. "am i finally the perfect daughter?" i asked my dad, my voice trembling with emotion.

he gave me a confused stare, a hint of what it looked like sadness, creeping into his stare. "it's not the wedding, it's clearly not the husband" he said as we both softly chuckled. "it's you.. you're my daughter. and i don't need you to be perfect, you being you it's all i want. your happiness. honey, nothing else matters after that." he said as i holded my tears. i bit the inside of my cheek, my heart pounding on my chest.

it's too late now, isn't it?

i could feel him interlock our arms as the doors opened. we moved one step at a time as we slowly entered the ceremony. to my wedding.

i shudder at the sight of everyone in the room, but i knew my eyes were only scanning to look for one person.

and when i found her, and my heart stopped.

she was watching me with a soft gaze, eyes almost twinkling as she roamed through my form, slowly taking my face, my body in the dress, and lastly, going up to meet my eyes. all i needed to make my heart flutter. i felt frozen in place, i could see everyone staring at me, wondering why i wasn't moving. my dad pulled my arm to get me out of my trance, but nothing worked.

i was there, stucked right where she left me.

on the last time i saw her. the last time my heart beated for her.

"if we get out of here and.. you decide that you're done being his perfect wife, and maybe you want to be happy.. with me.. i'll be waiting. i promise"

she was just as beautiful as i remembered her. of course i've seen pictures of her, but nothing like seeing her in person again.

our stare never breaking.

her eyes screamed 'please, love me'

and mine replied 'i do. but i shouldn't'

"are you okay?" my dad said, breaking the staring contest as i took reality of my surroundings. i shakily let out a small breath as i nodded with a fake smile. i kept walking to the altar, where i saw my... future husband.

right.

as i took my place, he took my hands in between his.

i trembled, and i swear i wanted to hear whatever the priest was saying. i really did.

but all my focus was on her.

was everyone blind for not noticing? or was everyone trying to pretend they couldn't tell how i stared at my husband's best friend?

when our eyes met again, i averted my gaze, trying really hard to pay attention to the priest talking on the altar to me and my future husband.

but god, i could not focus when she was here.

until i heard the priest coming to the end of his speech.

"if anyone has just cause to object to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace"

silence spreaded on the ceremony.

the quietness in the room making me shiver.

until it wasn't quiet anymore.

because everyone gasped.

and my eyes shut close.

and the quietness was replaced with whispers, with judging stares.

it wasn't quiet anymore, because she stood up.

my heart felt like it stopped in place. i could see my fiance's eyes widen, staring at se-mi like she was mad, insane.

but i knew she wasn't.

she was just in love, like i was.

and god, not from my husband.

her tall figure stood in the public, standing up as her mouth agaped like a fish. she tried to find any words to say, but she couldn't.

min-su and nam-gyu besides her, staring like if she grew a second head, completely shocked.

my eyes widen as i saw her take a sit again.

her mind was conflicted. i could tell. does she oppose? does she love quietly? what was more important? her best friend or her feelings? she shifted uncomfortably on her chair.

what was done was done, right?

fuck it. she thought, standing up once again.

everyone stared, their eyes open like never before.

"i-i oppose" she says in a weak, trembling voice. her eyes find mine, her stare pleads me to not let this keep going.

it begs me to go with her.

her hand moves to try and reach me as i watch her trembling hand and her pleading expression.

"i love you." she says with tears on her eyes.

and of course i knew this couldn't happen. of course i knew this was madness. i was about to get married. my life was buildt for this specific moment.

but my heart responded first with a sigh. not tears, not a scream, not a mad reply.

a sigh of relief.

i stare at the people sitting shocked in their seats. their gazes gravitating from her, to me and choi su-bong.

and suddenly, it's not like before. i'm not frozen in place, i'm not scared. i don't feel ashamed, i don't feel a thing.

except relief and love.

my last sign? when i stare at my parents, and they dont look at me ashamed. they're not embarrassed. they nod at me with tears in their eyes, intertwining their hands.

i get off the altar as i laugh.

a laugh of happiness. i chuckle loud and the feeling takes my entire body as i walk to her slowly. our stare never breaking as i stand in front of her, in my beautiful white dress. i reach to take her hand, the contact leaves a warm feeling on my heart.

"can we go?" are the only words that leave my lips with a shaky breath.

she stares at me, letting out an airy soft chuckle in disbelief, not believing this is happening.

"fuck, yes." is all she mutters as she moves in between the people, intertwining our hands like she never plans to release me as we run to the exit, our hearts jump in our chest.

and this is insane. i know it when we get into her rusty old car while the people gather outside to stare at us. but it doesn't matter.

it doesn't matter when my dress ruffles through the window, it doesn't matter when i buckle my seat belt with a happy smile and it certainly doesn't matter when she actually starts driving and we laugh, like a whole hearted laugh.

"you left your husband. in the altar. you left him" she says chuckling, filled with emotions. shock, disbelief, happiness.

"i- i did. and i don't regret it. god i don't regret leaving him for his.. best friend" i laugh as i stare at her. i take a deep breath as i speak "stop the car" she stops so abruptly, the car brakes.

"are you regr-" i unbuckle my seat belt as i turn aside. i cup her face in between my hands, my eyes roaming across her entire features.

this is the woman i love. it feels so good to finally say it out loud.

and i kiss her.

and is everything i always wanted to feel. it's what i expected from every single one of my ex-boyfriends. is filled with hunger, desire, passion and love.

and my heart feels warm and i know now exactly what love was supposed to feel like.

the kiss lowers to something softer, one of her hands goes to my cheek, caressing it with her thumb as my hand moves to the nape of her neck, pulling her closer. her other hand roams through my body to grip my waist.

"this feels like a dream" she mumbles in between kisses.

"i know, i know" i replied as i kissed her again and again, love-drunk. "but it's not. i'm yours se-mi. i'm completely yours" i whispered against her lips as she nodded excited. her nose softly caressing mine, an intimate gesture.

"can i start the car and get the fuck out of here, please? because i never want to look back" she says breaking the kiss. i nod happily.

"please, start the fucking car" i chuckle as i go back to my seat, connecting to the bluetooth of her car, i look at the playlist on my phone until i find the one.

"i am not the kind of girl

who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

but you are not the kind of boy

who should be marrying the wrong girl"

she smacks me softly as she listens to the lyrics, rolling her eyes as i snort.

and as my eyes find hers, i know i finally am where i belong.

known actress leaves husband on the altar!

we saw our famous girl, that we all know and love, leaving rapper ''thanos' on the altar.

the last thing we heard from him to the press was: i hope she's happy now.

and she looks like it! because she's been sharing photos on social media with her new girl non stop!

let's wish a happy relationship to the recently out of the closet actress!

[natalias-pierogi]

Pimfah, Kang, comphet and lesbian agenda thoughts:

from where im standing both pimfah and kang are doing this thing where you start feeling something Gay so you just pick one person to have a Very Heterosexual Crush On. you pick a person that seems to be the perfect match: theyre right there, theyre nice to you, maybe theyre your friend. maybe its someone all of your friends had been nagging you about, jokin that you like them. in theory, theyre perfect. bonus points if theyre out of your reach and have minimal chances of returning your feelings.

so obviously, kang, whos starting to feel Something towards sailom, the poor boy, the guy hes been fighting with and who turned out to always fight him back, chooses pimfah. shes been his friend for a while, theyre fathers know each other. she obviously cares about him and likes him. he feels like his life is already laid out in front of him, a plan hes expected to follow. like he himself said, a part of this plan is getting married and having kids. and he doesnt want that (or rather, he doesnt even know what he wants), but maybe it wouldnt be that bad if it was with his best friend, who cares about him, who treats him like a person and who knows him well. and so, he chooses pimfah to have a crush on, because shes an obvious, safe option. much safer than sailom.

and then we have pimfah. i dont know if im reading too much into the whole situation with the teacher trainee, but it seems to match a little too well. we dont know too much about pimfah, other than the fact that shes an artist, has a rich father and has been friends with kang for a while. shes nice, shes smart and she knows and cares about kang. he would be the perfect choice for her Heterosexual Crush for the same reasons shes perfect for kang. but instead, she goes for sailom.

and thats an interesting choice, but it actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. we dont know anything about her father, other than him being a head of a hospital and him being rich. we dont know anything about her relationship with him or what he expects of her, but it seems unlikely that the rich parents would be happy with their doughter dating a poor boy.

shes nice and shes smart and she knows kang, so i think she sees things. she sees how important sailom is for him. she probably sees that sailom likes kang. theres no way hed reciprocate her feelings.

and i think that sailom being out of her reach is like, the main reason she went for him. also, we queers tend to flock together and get pulled towards each other.

so yeah, im curious where this is heading and what will they do with pimfah. im rly hoping they wont just use her as a plot device to, idk, make kang jelous and hurt sailoms feeling, and i hope that the teacher trainee also isnt just a plot device to push sailom away from tutoring kang and into the waiting arms of Mr. Name and his clients.

[our-lesbian-experience]

I suggested inviting a newer male friend (who I’m worried may be kinda into me because he looks at me a lot — I have good peripheral vision and in the environment we’re usually sitting where I can see him — and like always helps me and it’s kinda just a vibe mixed with those things) to the movies if my original friend I invited couldn’t make it and my mom reacted like. like “ohhhhhhh okay” like. Like it was romantic. And I’ve told her I’m not into him. And I was so so uncomfortable by this and it made me kinda anxious and like not wanna invite him anymore because it seems too flirtatious. And I feel like in the past (I’ve had stuff like this happen a lot) I would have thought oh no am I into him because of that reaction but since learning more about comphet…I think it might just be comphet. Which is scary as hell tbh because have I not been attracted to guys this whole time??? On the other hand if i haven’t and I do like girls and the possibility of me being a lesbian gets easier and less heavy on my shoulders (I’m hoping so hard it’ll be like how when I first came out of religion it sucked but now I’m very much at peace with it and glad overall) it’ll be kinda reliving I’m not. Idk. Someone who gets feelings and then backs out because I’m scared of commitment. I’ve always worried I’m like that. I’m starting to think maybe I have a reason (and also…those aren’t Feelings)

My mom has shipped me with my male friends all my life, and while I would have had it anyway probably, I think it really hasn’t helped the comphet. I can think of three examples — all boys — that she liked for me when I was 5 💀 and I didn’t reallyyyy mind it but if I told her it made me uncomfortable she kept doing it

At one point when I was twelve or so she kept mentioning this one boy I played games with pretty often and I told her (not angrily, but sorta passionately? ) to stop because that made me uncomfortable and it’s weird and she asked if I thought it was weird for the boy too (he would not have known my mom shipped us but his mom did) and I said yeah probably (although idk if he did — I found out shortly thereafter he had a crush on me and then I started talking to him significantly less and even missed his birthday party, even though I had been to every one since we met prior to that point, because it made me really anxious. And I thought maybe that was attraction. And I was bad for avoiding it.)

now that I’m allowing myself to maybe not be into men im more and more thjnkng j might not be. which is only making the shipping weirder, because like. you (my mom) migjttttt be missing a piece of the puzzle here

it really is wierd thi that the more I allow myself to be removed from being attracted to men the more I realize…idk if I even wanna date one? anyways yeah sorry this is all over the place I was kinda just wondering if you could relate or had any advice? and i’m sorry it got so long.

the comphet realization rollercoaster is so real. and the mom thing too, I still haven't come out to my mom and sometimes she brings up my "crushes" from when I was really little and it makes me uncomfortable but idk what to do :/

I can't really help you about the mom part but i can try to help w the comphet! try to do some introspection on what happens/happened when you feel attracted towards a man (like are you just attracted and notice or do you see a man, think that he is objectively attractive, and decide you're attracted? That might be a little 'severe' for the lack of a better word but it's kind of how I experienced it)

Also hypothetical scenarios are helpful. idk how old you are or if you've had a relationship yet so i'm just going to assume you haven't for the sake of simplicity. When I imagine a relationship with a woman, it's a lot different than imagining a relationship with a man. Sapphic relationships feel more real and something about it just feels more right. when i imagine being in a relationship with a man, it feels very theoretical and out of place, almost as if i'm imagining a caricature of myself or me in an alternate reality. Trying to imagine relationships with different genders can def help with figuring out if you'd want a relationship with a certain gender

[grntaire]

gender? i hardly know her!!!

(ranting abt my gender and sexuality. prob more personal than i should put on the internet but i am feeling Raw)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i literally do not know. who i am lmao. i identified as cis (afab) and bi from the age of like, 13 i think? and that didn't change until i was 22 or so and i was like... she/they?? maybe?? which turned into they/she which turned into they/them which led me to nonbinary and pansexual which is where i've been chilling. but i don't even know if that feels right. like yes i am a girl but no i'm not a woman (i'm 25 so like, that Should Be a descriptor that i feel comfortable with. but it's not?) but im also not a girl either. my gender is more akin to like, the embodiment of chaos, lmao. i am everything and nothing all at the same time.

(i'm gonna use very much binary language here–i've personally only ever been with cis men or cis women, so when i use the binary language i'm specifically referring to it in terms of my experience) my sexuality is even more confusing to me now which is crazy?? my first crush was on a boy, and i had crushes on boys and girls through middle school and high school. i had a crush on my best friend in middle school and she was my first kiss. it felt like magic and i loved every second of kissing her. i ended up breaking up with her after a month or so and i still to this day don't know why. i think i was feeling like, constricted in it. drowning in the attention. also i was 13 and was living on a diet of nothing but nutella and pretzels so who the fuck knows lmao.

but as a teenager it oddly seemed so much more clear to me? my attraction to ppl was different and based off of their gender. like for me, my attraction towards girls was very emotionally based and the more i got to know them the more i wanted to be physical with them, too. with boys it was kind of the opposite, in a way, but not always. i didn't date any girls in high school–i had a big ol crush on one in particular but that was my Oh, She's Straight moment. i dated two boys. the first was a super nice dude who i hope is doing well. i broke up with him after 7 months or so i think? i was straight up convinced i was a lesbian. and then i dated a boy like two months later. i was OBSESSED with this dude. like, hormones gone wild, really just wanted to destroy this mf. he broke up w me after a month out of the blue, and i was devastated for a minute. in college i dated a dude for 2.5 years. he sucks.

my current partner is a man, we've been together for about 2 years. he is the kindest person i know. and yet i still constantly find myself second guessing everything. which, granted, i've always done. when i've been with women i second guess everything too. i think they're intrusive thoughts, and they'll look like "do you even like men/women?" a lot of it, too is that i don't think i've had the feelings of A Crush since i was a teenager, truthfully. i mean w my partner now, i'd get excited when his name would pop up on my phone, but there was no like, pining or whatever. loving him has always been easy and we got together easy.

so where i sit now is that i love my partner. but do i want an open relationship? am i poly? what if i like, actually am a lesbian and it's been comphet this whole time? but i have felt like, absolutely feral abt men before. but then i'll be like, fuck, what if the whole time i've been straight? but is that just from the desire to feel wanted? from the societal pressure to feel wanted by a man? that the act of being wanted by a man is proof that i am attractive enough and worthy? or am i second guessing these things bc my partner isn't what i need in a partner, regardless of gender. do i need someone more extroverted, who matches my energy more? can i bear the weight of being the outgoing one? and how do i cope with the fact that by choosing a partner i'm loosing connections that i could be forging with other people? but even if i'm poly, what does that mean for me? for my partner?

i am Overthinking so much. all of the time. and how much of it is intrusive thought and how much of it is... not, is incredibly hard to discern. i feel deeply tied to my queerness but i don't even know what my queerness is.

ik this is very oversharing but if u read this i appreciate u. u gay people in my phone make me feel less alone sometimes, mwah.

[lovphobic]

umm. trying to sleep thought demons. my bad if u read this. thanks if u read this.

sometimes (very rarely usually only when i get in my own head but thats still enough) i dont feel. 100% comfortable w the lesbian identity? bc im always like ohhh but what if there actually IS one (1) guy out there id be happy w. despite me. trying that.. last year. and kinda really hating it. BUT BUT BUT that just means he wasnt The guy. but i definitely do not feel like im bi? bc i dont regularly feel any attraction to men.. so i kinda just feel like im faking things. so i feel like a lesbian 99,9% of the time and then i got but what if and it KILLS ME. like dude come on.

but like this whole thought process is interjected with the fact that last time i thought this stuff i was left w feelings of being used (even if it wasnt the intent. intention means nothing in the end) and then my ex being completely unwilling to be understanding and telling me she doesnt want to hear ab the dick ive been riding. like. ok. i dont want to feel like that again. i dont want to feel small and scared and alone like that again.

and it just really sucks. but like i know deep down in my heart its not gonna be an issue for me because nobody like. likes me like that. and if they do it doesnt last long. and i know that bc its all ive ever been shown. so like does it even matter what i am if that part of me is just going to be dormant? les bi an. im whatever u want me to be

like realistically i know its comphet or whatever but. idk. i just Want something. i Want someone who gives a shit about me and refuses to stop calling me until i pick up when theyre worried about me or they know im sad like he did. because even if i mostly have negative feelings associated w him its the one thing he really did right that nobody else has yet. but i cant ask my friends to do that because its Weird thats a fucking Weird request to make of a friend and if i have to request that that means its not coming from the heart...

idk. i miss feeling loved. i dont think i care who makes me feel that way again right now. i just miss it. i hope jakey dies

[ihavemyfits]

a boy w somewhat artsy eyeliner was our cashier at a shop today and im sorry to say that i havent changed at all since i was a kid. i am not immune to guyliner

[boypussydilf]

Shusumi for the relationship ask game

i dont know how you even found my blog but thank you *kisses your hand like a prince meeting a princess*

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

oh , you know. sumi is lonely and full of Emotions but doesn’t even know That let alone why she feels it and then a cool guy shows up and is Nice To Her and she goes omg!!! [latches onto him for reasons barely related to Who He Is As A Person] and akira goes Oh another person who wants to use me as a sounding board for their internal monologue. sounds fun :) This probably sounds mean, and almost DEFINITELY is not the dynamic the writers Intended for them to have, but i like it i think its really funny

legit sumi just wants someone to look up to and to rely on and akira was either blessed or cursed by god with a special talent for Being Relied On. she wants to feel like someones helping her and hes happy to help anyone. etc

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

you know ive thought about royal trio and ive thought abt akesumi friendship but i dont think abt Just These Two that much.

first of all RIP to the person who sent this if they come back hoping for some Clearly Romantic ShuSumi Takes but to me they are like siblings. sumire doesnt Realize theyre siblings but akira is just constantly taking new younger siblings under his wings and she is included. theyre siblings in a very drastically different way from akira & futaba though akira and futaba are loud and obnoxious and chase each other around sojiros house like a couple of grade schoolers and sumi is not completely barred from that but her and akira are more like. they meet up and sumi talks about her Life and her Feelings and akira gives her Just Enough Advice To Be Helpful Without Being Pushy and then they, like, look at college application forms together or something. its practical, i guess is what im saying. akira Sometimes bullies and pesters her (affectionate) but her reactions dont tend to be very strong so its not as fun.

im Neutral on genuinely romantic shusumi, to me they are not that interesting as a ship and also they are both gay in the wrong direction and also they are big brother little sister mode, but i do exist in a state of absolute fascination with like. comphet shusumi. literally sumire is going I want a Perfect Life and that means Living Stereotypical Heterosexual Romance Tropes :) and she thinks she has found her opportunity here and is telling herself Yes i am IN LOVE! this is what that is! I cannot conceive of a version of the akira from my brain who doesnt know full well hes gay but if he somehow didnt wouldnt these 2 cringefail straight dating living their ridiculously played-straight damsel in distress & noble hero story be the funniest thing ever. And by that i mean fascinating and a torment labyrinth i wish them luck escaping

Also i think they are getting along fine and normal the way they are but like. sumire “used to relying on other people A Lot” yoshizawa and akira “just wants to help people. A Lot” kurusu. They can either have the perfect friendship that is exactly what sumi needs where he has the right level of involvement to help her gain confidence in herself while still knowing she can turn to someone for help. Or go straight off a cliff into bizarre codependency.

Basically I like it when things have the potential to be kind of fucked up. But they aren’t these guys are normal. They just sit in leblanc telling each other dad jokes. Akira buys a wallet just to put a comically large collection of photos of sumi’s greatest achievements in them and proudly show it off to his friends. She gradually goes from reacting to him experiencing something Comically Bad but Harmless like tripping over something with giggling immediately deliberately stifled by SORRY IMSOSORRY ARE YOU OKAY, to just openly laughing at him and he pretends to be annoyed but he’s happy about it.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

I like Akira World’s Most Big Brother Moments #227. i like all the different winding pathways the concept of Them can go down bc i like having things to pick apart and analyze and look at from hundreds of different angles. i like. the video game persona 5 royal

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

No matter what, like. Sumire at the point in time where they meet NEEDS this, i think. Her sister just Died and she doesn’t really know it but she’s trying to figure out her place in the world Without her and also if the fact that most shujin students seem to dislike her is anything to go off of she doesn’t really like, have friends? She needs like. A hand to help her up. Someone To Lean On. Sort of like how Becoming Kasumi was not, like, The Best Solution To Her Problems, but was really helpful in getting her through that period of her life. & now she has someone who will listen to her and help her unconditionally and that is Great for her. She looks up to Akira she admires him she is eternally thankful & grateful to him. And also is convinced she’s in love with him

As for akira i . </3 For most of the time they know each other she’s kind of Just Some Girl He Knows. he definitely cares about her a lot & they have the chance to get closer in third sem what w her being Herself again & she Is part of his Little Sibling Collection. but i cant think of anything akira is getting out of this relationship aside from general Human Socialization. he just want to protect it want to see it grow up healthy (i say that a lot huh.)

favorite interaction they have in canon

Zero interest in them as a couple but sumis romance route IS one of the best things in all of p5 just for the scene where akira leans on leblancs counter Like That and stares at her just to be a Nuisance

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

oh god oh fuck i dont know uhhhhh. I think THEY should bully akechi together. I think sumi should get mad at akira. Not for anything in particular i just think sumi has the potential to be very mean if she will allow herself to Feel Negative Feelings and i like conflict between friends. Sumire tries to teach him gymnastics and he forgets hes not in a palace and does something stupid and embarrassing like faceplanting into a wall for no reason and shes very polite about it at first but in the long run she will not let him live it down. umm. thats it. i like them <3

[heyhellohihowareyou]

i hope im not the only one who thinks megu is a lesbian and ships her with hinata or touka

bonus: touka is a canon wlw because she actually used to have a crush on megu

Lesbian Kataoka huh 🤔 I can see it (and I lowkey ship her with them as well)

Ask thing

I can see her having comphet and feeling like she’s supposed to date boys

Maybe she grew up reading stories where the princess finds a prince and thought that was the norm

Because of that, she always envisioned herself as the role of the princess marrying the prince

Deep down she felt like it didn’t quite fit her but she brushed it off, still thinking it was the norm

When she got older, she never felt herself being attracted to any of the guys she knew

She just thought it was because she hasn’t met the right guy yet

Anytime someone asks her about which boy she likes she either avoids the question or says she likes Isogai since he’s popular and the fact she’s really close with him

Truth is though while she finds Isogai to be pretty attractive and one of the more decent guys of the class, she really couldn’t imagine herself being with him

She experimented with imagining herself as a princess with another princess instead of a prince

For her it felt just right but she couldn’t explain why at first but later came to the conclusion that she liked girls

Of course when her brother found out he was supportive as always

She came out to class 3-e when she saw the others being confident in their sexualities

Of course they also showed her their support

Maehara says he knew the whole time and that’s why he didn’t flirt with her but the truth is he was looking out for a friend (canonically speaking the friend was most likely Isogai but for the sake of the ask let’s just say that the friend was either Okano or Yada^^)

[pepprs]

how did you know you were a lesbian ? not to Dump but i've always been attracted to girls but have no idea if i'm attracted to men. how do you not overthink it ?

HI!!! omg thank u for reaching out abt this and sorry ive kept u waiting for like half a yr 😩 (but also this is good timing bc i can say HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! i hope ur doing well and celebrating!) i uhmmmm don’t know how much help i can be in answering this bc i thought i was a lesbian a couple yrs ago but then i realized i actually am not (im bi) so you might want to ask a lesbian and they can help u figure things out from a more relevant standpoint than i can. BUT i will say that like.. sigh. my journey to figuring out my sexuality has been painful and confusing and honestly… the way i approach it now is i just don’t think about it / talk about it anymore or at least as much as i used to lol. i think when i was younger and first realizing that i like (and had always liked) girls i was desperate to give it a definition so i would feel less alone in it and hate myself less for being “weird” and “different” for liking girls if it was in a way that other ppl had in common / gave a name to. and part of that was me first thinking i was bi, then questioning if i was a lesbian, then thinking i was a lesbian. but then… like not to say this bc it’s so horrible but it’s literally true and the reason why all of this happened. i got into some super fucked up arguments with my mom abt my sexuality that gave me irreversible brain damage and i just like stopped questionining mysef / thinking abt my sexuality for like a yr and a half bc it was too painful / existential / etc. and then when i was ready to come back to thinking abt it i was like yeah im not going to read too much into the atteaction i had / have anymore bc after what happened it’s exhausting and painful to analyze what it is and determine if it’s actually comphet and like it felt / feels like attraction to me in some way shape or form so im just gonna go with it bc that’s how i identified when i first came to terms w not being straight and it feels right right now. so that’s kinda how im doing it.. just feeling my way. and if it changes again it changes again (bc i think sexuality is fluid and it’s ok to like change ur mind try different things etc) but atp im too like wounded from how everything went down w my mom in 2019 (and also like… before and after that but esp 2019) to think abt it again. but obviously that’s just me and a lot of ppl figure themselves out differently so if anyone sees this and wants to add thoughts please go ahead!! i wish u the best of luck anon 💓

[num1mkuliafan]

<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/62035594"><strong>Til Death Do Us Part</strong></a> (4577 words) by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thuyennguyen5218"><strong>thuyennguyen5218</strong></a><br />Chapters: 3/?<br />Fandom: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Total%20Drama%20(Cartoon)">Total Drama (Cartoon)</a><br />Rating: Mature<br />Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply<br />Relationships: Emma & Priya (Total Drama Island), Emma/Priya (Total Drama Island)<br />Characters: Emma (Total Drama Island), Priya (Total Drama)<br />Additional Tags: Slow Burn, comphet, mature ratin for stuf??, yumdoomedyuri, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, dw i hate chemma, im bad at grammer imsosorry<br />Summary: <p>Six years after Total Drama concluded, and everyone has continued with their own lives.</p><p>Emma has driven far with her life, and gets married. Crazy, right? Married while others are still in college… To whom she got engaged to? Errhh… You wouldn’t be too happy if I told you. Trust me.</p><p>Invitations, to attending, just to witness a broken high-heel, icing on the floor, broken, and unbroken vows—behind a mask of charisma, peace and hope.</p><p>A majority of the guests assumed this would just lead into divorce, Priya was one of those guests.</p>

CHAPTER 3 IS OUT!!

[akihiko-sanada]

BRO, WHY’D YOU LIKE YUKICHIE SO MUCH??

Ok first of all, bro,,, B R O, bro ilysm being able to infodump like this means so much to me for real. And second of all, this is gonna be very bullet point-e since I can't string a coherent sentence together to save my life. LET'S BEGIN:

Tropes and dichotomies

Yukichie has a bunch of romantic tropes, including but not limited to:

-Beautiful and popular genius falls for airhead jock outcast.

-Childhood best friends to lovers.

-Two girls fall in love but one girl's close minded parents (yukikos) disapprove and kick her out so she suddenly moves in with chie (this definitely happened i'm sure of it).

Now the dichotomies:

Fire and ice: I feel like I don't even have to explain why this is romantic so I'm just gonna jump straight into the evidence: Yukiko is the teammate with Agi and Chie is the one with Bufu, one of Yukiko’s themes is called “Snowflakes” and there's also the twin dragons special move.

Sun and moon: Might be a stretch but I really do think that Yukiko is the moon, silent, beautiful and graceful while Chie is the sun, energetic, bright and hot to the touch.

Shadows

Shadow Chie reveals that Chie developed an inferiority complex from constantly comparing herself to Yukiko (not surprising but aw :(), and part of this is her not feeling worthy of Yukiko and her company, bUT MEANWHILE YUKIKO HAS THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM WHERE SHE RELIES TOO MUCH ON CHIE,,, like shadow Yukiko literally says says to Chie “Chies my prince, she's a strong prince, or at least she was”, she hoped and relied on Chie to save her from having to take over the inn and having to stay in Inaba,,,,. ALSO WHEN SHADOW YUKIKO'S HEALTH IS LOW SHE SUMMONS A PRINCE SHADOW WTF, WTF WTF WTF, SHE STRAIGHT UP SUMMONS HER PRINCE, CHIE, WHEN SHE’S MOST VULNERABLE????? HELP???

And speaking of shadows, Chie is pretty calm when it comes to rescuing people from the TV world except for Yukiko, she goes absolutely APESHIT, says "You don't know SHIT about how I feel! Yukiko might DIE from this, for crying out loud! I'm going, and that's that!" before running HEADFIRST INTO A MONSTER INFESTED PALACE WITHOUT A PERSONA OF HER OWN,, TRUE LOVE RIGHT THERE BABY. She also almost single handedly beats up a whole ass police station for even suggesting that Yukiko was involved in the murders.

Color theory

I'm a huge rwby fan so colors is definitely gonna have its own section IFSFNS. Anyways, in color theory, colors that are on opposite sides of the color wheel are considered complementary colors, and guess what the most used example for this? Green and red! Green and red always pop out when they're next to each other, and color is very important in p4 (for various reasons but a big example is how all the students at school wear dull colors except for the investigation team, they're just full on power rangers), so id like to think that making Yukiko’s and Chie’s colors the prime example of complementary colors was something intentional made to remind you of how well they work together.

Also: Chie “wow yukiko red looks really good on you” yukiko, twirling her hair “haha thanks do you mind if i wear it for the rest of my life-”. Also side note I’m 100% sure that Rio’s favourite color is red because it reminds her of Hamuko <3.

Comphet and obliviousness

It's very obvious that like, everyone’s in the investigation team suffers from comphet, especially considering their reaction to Kanji coming out (which is, something), but I'm only gonna talk about yukichies; first of all this whole scene screams of comphet, no one just gushes about their friend THAT much:

Also, Chie disapproves of all of Yukiko's suitors cause she's subconsciously jealous, Chie is 100% a baby lesbian cause shes literally like: “haha im not a lesbian, I just cut my hair short and mostly hang out with guys because then I’ll be more masculine and men like girls so-aw shit”.

Also, Inaba is a breeding ground for comphet because it's a rural town in the middle of nowhere in a town where most of the popuñation is old so,,,yeah,,,.Yukiko feels like her only option in life is to take over the Amagi inn and follow in her family's footsteps, which would in turn be like rotting away in Inaba, so I like to think that the Amagi inn is some sort of metaphor for how being yourself is key even though it can disappoint your parents by making you stray from the path they paved for you, but that’s still an important step to take to become a better person and being true to yourself. Now that isn't very different from coming out now is it?

Official art and others

-Yukiko’s and Chie’s designs inspired Tomoe Tachibana and Maria Torres from Trauma Team and they’re hella gay

-Yukiko and Chie are next to each other or side eyeing each other when the other isn't looking in 99% of the official art they're in, I wonder why that is-. Also if  you look through Chie’s gallery 90% of her photos include Yukiko and vice versa.

-Everyone in Inaba knows that Chie and Yukiko are practically dating cause some bullies literally threaten Chie with hurting Yukiko saying stuff like “that precious Yukiko-san of yours” and “So don't you care about what happens to your loved ones” LIKE HELLO???

-Chies social link? oh you mean the yukichie social link right? No but seriously like Chies social link revolves around Yukiko NANFFGGW

-Yukiko’s theme in p4u is “princess Amagi” and shadow Yukiko calls Chie her prince, coincidence? ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

Fun headcanons and random stuff

-Chie definitely short circuited for a full ten seconds when she saw Yukiko in a yukata for the first time

-I'm sure that when the investigation team meets up like 20 years after p4 they'll be like “wait Yukiko you've been living with Chie for years?? did you get married?” Yukiko and Chie who haven't even started dating officially “no?? what are you talking about- WAIT.”

-Yukiko and Chie: *adopt three cats and a dog and call them their children*, also yukichie “we’re just really good friends :)))”

-Yukiko and Chie definitely made out with each other a couple of times using the excuse of “were practising for when we have boyfriends”

In conclusion, yukiko and chie have the type of love where they've known each other for so long and care for each other so deeply and passionately that they don't need to search for a significant other because deep down they've always known they were each others. They've always pictured the other in their life from beginning to end but have yet to put together that they want to be in each others life romantically because of comphet and just, never really seeing each other as an option because they've just always been friends, nothing more nothing less. Thank you for coming to my ted talk I hope I gave you yukichie brainrot <3

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

is it normal finding certain genders sexually, aesthetically, and emotionally attractive but not romantically attractive?? like i prefer how women, women aligned ppl, and ppl who present themselves in a feminine way look. i also feel like i can connect better to women bc im afab and still deal with all the shit that comes with being a woman in our society which is part of the reason im just more emotionally attracted to them. but when it comes to romance its different.

im aegoromantic in the way that i love the intimacy and warmth that comes with romance but i dont really feel romantic attraction that much irl and feel disconnected from the idea of myself being in a romantic relationship. however, i do daydream with romantic themes sometimes and by default its with a man. i can only really see myself with a man (romantically) and i know its not exactly comphet. although im leaning a bit more towards men in the romantic attraction department im also not really sexually attracted to them that much? i find the idea of sex hot but i cant see myself being involved in it? i think i might also be aegosexual (is that the right ace spec equivalent?) but idk, im a bit scared to explore that part of my identity. i've only just come to terms with the fact that im not cis so i dont think i can deal w finding a new facet to my identity quite yet haha.

im sorry for the really long ask i was just bottling these feelings for a long time and didn't want to make my feelings ur problem. im glad to receive any kind of help from you, ryan. thanks so much for guiding us.

Heya mate :D

And yeah, that’s pretty normal! The split attraction model does exist so you can have different types of attraction so ye

Hmm yeah, sounds like you‘re most likely sapphic or maybe lesbian or trixic in terms of aesthetic and emotional attraction!

Tbh if I were you I’d try to think a bit more about whether you‘re romantically attracted to men or whether it’s comphet. I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t valid, it’s entirely possible you could be romantically attracted to men and aesthetically attracted to women, but just....give it some thought, I’d say

You could be sapphic/lesbian in aesthetic/emotional attraction and heteroromantic in terms of romantic attraction! You could also just use bi/pan as an umbrella term :D 

Yes, aegosexual is the right word!

Aegosexual (click for link to wiki page) is a micro-label on the asexual spectrum that describes those who have a disconnection between themself and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may have sexual fantasies, view porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to have sex with another individual. 

Hey hey hey!! It’s totally okay my friend!! You’re allowed to explore these parts of your identity!

It’s totally okay to not be cishet!! I know questioning can be scary, it can be scary finding out you’re not the sexuality/gender you thought you were, it can be scary knowing you’re in a homophobic and transphobic world, but you’re gonna be okay. When I was first questioning being bi and trans, I was hella scared, but it’s going to be okay. You’ll figure it out, or maybe you won’t! Either is valid! And even if it can be scary out there, the queer community will always love and support you. We’ve got you, friend <3

Hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with questioning. Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

[ur-fave-is-a-lesbian-transman]

hello. i need your completely honest opinion on something ive been struggling over for months now and i trust this blog to be entirely objective so, i hope you dont mind. (if you do, dont worry about this)

i love women. have loved women and always will love women. i see a beautiful, strong, brave, handsome, powerful woman (of which basically all of them are) and i immediately feel all fluttery and can daydream for hours. while im a little slow to romantic affection, i do just melt at the thought being a girlfriend to my girlfriend and a wife to my wife yk? good vibes, best vibes.

now, real men do nothing for me at all. i can tell when a man is conventionally attractive but i dont feel anything. however i have become attached to certain fictional men. just a handful. most of the attachment is cos i have serious d*ddy issues and the characters are usually in a protector/fatherly role anyway so i just feel drawn to them, making me feel deeply for them etc. but i know without a doubt that if a man, any man, approached me in real life with romantic or otherwise intersts, i would not at all entertain it. i cannot see myself with a man in any context. it makes me uncomfortable to the point of disgust.

id rather be alone forever than with a man, but id rather be with a woman than forever alone. so, my question is, from all this, would you say im bi or a lesbian? coa ive been filled with so much confusion and guilt that i just dont know what to call myself. ive been using " sapphic " but i wanna know for sure. what do you think?

tyty so much if you do answer, but if not i understand. hope you have a good day.

Lesbian. Having attachments like crushes on fictional men is a form of comphet, and having attachments to male characters in the manner you described is just coping with issues you have had with your father. Even in the event you settle on one label and later realize that a different one is actually right for you theres no need for worry, many people go through different labels in their life <3

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

you’ve talked a little bit about this wrt dan, but i’m curious: what are your favorite seasons/arcs for the main gg characters? (serena, blair, dan, nate, jenny, vanessa) cause everyone’s personalities tended to uh, shift a bit from season to season and storyline to storyline, and i’m wondering which eras of those characters were your favorite?

oh, so i sat on this question for a very long time, and spent a ton of time thinking over it. here we go! 

i loved the way serena was written in s1 and s2. she was so full of joy despite all the difficult things she’d endured, so bubbly and warm and... lively is ALWAYS the adjective that comes to mind for serena, despite how it’s a terrible pun. but yeah! she had an energy to her that was very childlike & genuine, and i loved that about her - despite the things she’d endured, she was so full of light (?? how do i describe this.) i know that serena’s arc gets notably more tragic s3 onwards, but i feel like the way she was written lost a bit of depth s3 onwards as well. she had a sharp wit, and a good sense of humour, she was playful and... most notably, she had this little giggle? that she literally NEVER does in the later seasons, which makes me sad?? she stopped laughing like a child at the age of, what, 19?? idk. in s1 & s2 serena had so many layers, and i feel like as the seasons went on they tried to, uh. keep only the surface layers? they didn’t really do justice to the character they started out with.

my answer for vanessa is actually the exact same, with slight modifications. vanessa’s energy in s1 and s2 was unparalleled. literally the best. i loved her and the way she was critical of everything and YET so ready to learn. compared to all these rich, privileged, white people... her presence was just SO good and so important to me, because the way she was so critical of the uber rich was something nobody else really was, and i think that perspective WAS valuable and should’ve remained, haha. idk what it was about s3, but i feel like they didn’t keep the crux of who vanessa was? it wasn’t a BAD vanessa season as much as an incomplete one. i felt they could’ve done so much more with a character like vanessa.... she’s so vibrant and full of life! and the way s3 was for her was very surface. and then in s4 they just demolished her character entirely. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again: what jenny, juliet and vanessa did in 4x09 was TOTALLY out of character for vanessa. she would never, ever do that. and by the time s4 came around... someone else said this, i don’t remember who. but they said that vanessa was basically being used as a plot device more than as a character. notice how she’s always in the right place at the right time to overhear the right thing? it’s a travesty, because vanessa was just..... so significant to me. like her being there added so much value & even changed the tone of the show imo.

my blair feelings are very complicated. i think she’s fascinating, and i love leighton & her performance. i love book blair so much more than show blair, and idk why or how to explain it. i mentioned this in that post where i ranked the characters, but while watching blair in high school specifically i can’t EVER forget that she would probably hatecrime me, and even when she’s out of school she is still supremely racist at times. i actually liked blair best in s5 - and i know she was going thru ~tragic~ stuff (i think they dialled the tragedy too high actually, like, blair had TOO MUCH on her plate and from a storytelling point of view it was... ambitious, to say the least, to hope to bring all out of that out on tv) but like, keeping her tragedy aside. her capacity for kindness and care really shone thru while she was with dan, and i liked how the d/b relationship took her out of her comfort zone and her “but im a Waldorf!” bubble and let her, idk, be a person. i liked her in s4, too. i feel like blair is a really good, nuanced, fleshed out character as blair, and the way she clung to being a waldorf combined with her rich-white-girl privilege got kind of boring after a while because like. she’s not like louis? her character has so much depth. her character doesn’t need to be reduced to a title, because she’s SO much more than that.

i feel like i need to do a lot more rewatching when it comes to dan because i CANNOT be objective about him. he reminds me far too much of myself!!! down to his flaws and his mistakes and his issues –  i was a precocious little shit in high school at times in very similar ways to dan, i like to think i’ve grown out of that (& am perpetually making an effort TO grow out of falling into those patterns) & that’s what i want for dan, too. dan’s arc feels real to me, because a lot of it is my arc, too. feeling lonely, out of place & unaccepted in high school --> being a popular kid in college… that hits really close to home. s1 & s2 are important seasons to me because i’m extremely protective of awkward, trying-his-best high school dan (he can be awful at times, but he can be earnest and sincere, too!) i feel like s4 is actually the best dan season – took me a while to get here, but halfway thru my s2 rewatch that’s how i’m leaning. but dan’s arc was very interesting to me, and i wish they’d kept his heart. trying to retcon him as evil fell absolutely flat to me, like. who are you convincing! one of my friends and i were joking about how georgie blackmailed dan into pretending to be gossip girl (she obviously has dirt on him that nobody else does.) anyway. dan’s arc felt pretty true until the end of s4. i wasn’t a big fan of how he was written in s5, i felt like something had been taken away from his character, but i don’t know how to say it better. you’re right though, i have gone over this a lot! so i’m not going to break my head over it, ‘cause we’re already a thousand words in and i still have nate and jenny to go.

speaking of jenny, though: i think dan’s storylines REALLY needed more of a big brother arc. the way he was characterised, especially in s1, was very “i would kill a man for my baby sister” and i have NO idea where that went or why they got rid of it. (actually, i do have some idea. fucking chip wiskers apologism & elevation of chair over literally anything else. sigh)

okay, now speaking of jenny in terms of jenny. i liked her s1 arc, like, her trying to make friends with these people & trying to keep her morals and realising she can’t do both was interesting. i think that should’ve been that with her clashes with girls in constance, though. and afterwards, either nothing happens, or she transfers out of constance, etc. jenny’s s2 arc makes me sad – she was exploited and treated like dirt in so many ways :( the jenny/agnes was interesting in s2, though, and there’s no way to interpret it that ISN’T lesbian. i’ve always felt like jenny’s feelings for nate in s2 are very comphet. jenny’s s3 arc made me even sadder than her s2 arc- she was alienating all her friends one by one, making everyone hate her, and just…… spiralling. she really needed a better support system. her s4 arc made no sense. like. why did she come back in the city to fuck with serena like that? it didn’t feel right.

yeah, all that said… i feel like there are many super intriguing elements of jenny’s storylines and arcs, like, even within canon events if things had been executed differently, it could’ve been actually good/empowering. but the writers hated jenny. and this show was never a feminist show.

ah, so… nate. he started out as a flake in s1 & s2. that’s his whole thing. he doesn’t know who he wants to be / how to get what he wants / how to get where he wants. he takes people for granted. he isn’t dependable or reliable, he lets people down (most notably, blair & vanessa.) and he means well, sure! but his life is like amber and he’s trapped in it. he doesn’t follow his heart, he’s too busy trying to please the wrong people, etc etc. in s3 he’s suddenly so ready for commitment, which always breaks my heart because vanessa!!! but anyway. s3 has a shift in his character, possibly him getting dumped at prom and realising that high school is over and one thing that tethered him to his family (being a kid, being a high schooler, being a minor, whatever) –  one big thing that held him there is gone. so it makes sense that he starts trying to be his own person. i like s3 nate, and s4 nate. we see nate sort of gradually try and be a moral compass, and it’s interesting to me. when i write d/n fic something i really focus on is dan finding nate dependable, and i think that’s a value that builds in nate over time. nate of season 1 is not dependable, nope, no way. but nate of s4 seems like a decent friend to have. in s5 and s6 they more or less threw his entire arc to the wind and gave him so many shitty storylines (sage spence, wtf? nate would not do this. he’s been on the opposite end of this before, he would not carry the pattern forward, ffs.)

idk. this almost hit 1.7k, LMAO. i hope it made some amount of sense!

[bi-lesbian]

heres the thing with identities-

some people choose their identities bc theyre into a certain gender(s) and are actively against dating other genders.

but some people arent.

some people know they have an active interest in some genders. but they dont have an active disinterest in others. they dont find the idea of dating X bad- and maybe even find the occaisonal person of that gender cute, but usually not/never really enough to actually persue a relationship with them.

these kinda people have a few options, depending on their own personal feelings-

they just label themselves solely on the people they tend to persue, even if they may not Only Ever date those genders in the future. they dont really care to define themselves on a maybe (or tiny bit of attraction/rare exceptions for a relationship)

they use labels like "homoflexible," "heteroflexible," or such, because they find the possible fluidity of their attraction to be significant for themselves.

maybe even just use bi (or other mspec labels) and including the genders theyre not very/usually attracted to, bc they may just be happy forming relationships with people even outside of their attractions (can often also be related to aspec ppl who dont have a high amount of/any attractions in the first place, but like having relationships)

or use more vague labels like queer, or other things!

this is kinda a big situation for the usage of "bi lesbian" and such labels. not everyone using mspec lesbian labels apply to this sorta stuff, but a lot of them fall into this gray area of sexuality exceptions or general fluidity.

and this also shows that not everyone of certain sexualities are actively very strict- ive met a lot of people who use certain labels that specify only one gender theyre into, but they still have had relationships with ppl outside of that gender while using that label. they just focus on their love for that gender when Looking for a relationship, so they just use the label specifying that. but relationships that kinda just form over time instead of being persued? may include any genders for them. it could maybe be sort of a demiromantic/sexual only for certain genders kind of situation.

and im continuously thinking more into my identity and how i feel about my gender and orientation. its not very important for me to make sure i have Everything Very Clearly Layed Out, i just find it fun to think on and discuss- just a interesting journey through my own feelings. and through this i keep finding more reasons for why the bi lesbian label feels so extremely comfortable for me- since my identity is so complex and sometimes even vague, and it gets down a lot of my different feelings fairly well into a term, where many others dont feel fully descriptive of/specific enough for my feelings.

when i think about my future and the kinda romantic relationship i envision for myself, i picture a woman. of course, im currently dating my wonderful girlfriend right now, and hope that itd last my whole life- but even aside from that, if we dont continue dating at some point in the future, i still picture myself with a girl. im actively very interested in being with women.

but with guys? i dont really hold much attraction to them (its mostly aesthetic attraction i have, i believe), but im defintely not against ever dating them (and no i do not feel pressured into keeping myself "open" to guys. i know my feelings better than yall do, please stop trying to push comphet onto me). the idea of dating a guy im close to sounds really nice!

bc heres the thing: im arospec! im cupioromantic! i hold the idea of dating higher than the actual amount of attraction i have! i dont have much attraction to begin with ! im pretty sure i have some romantic attraction, but most of it is aesthetic ! i love (romantic) love more than i feel it! i can find myself happy dating anyone of any gender im close to- but most of my attraction falls to girls, and probably all (?) of my romantic attraction does. but im a person that doesnt need or care about having attraction to date- neither does my girlfriend, even.

she doesnt care about labeling herself or looking into her relationship with gender and orientation and such that much, but a lot of our feelings are similar. shes said bi lesbian probably fits her as well, so does cupioromantic, and she definitely has (some form of) attraction to girls, but her attraction in general is confusing too, and shes fine dating anyone! were polyam, and she also has a boyfriend- she may not have romantic attraction to him, but she loves him still! shes the type to not care much on if a relationship she has with someone shes close with is labeled as a friendship or a romantic relationship, shes just happy being with them!

this is just a big point about my orientation, its heavily affected by my arospec/cupioromantic identity. bi shows more on who im fine with dating, while lesbian is more representative of my attraction and who im actively interested in! it just helps pin down these complex feelings in a bit simplified way, and its why i love using this label so much ! ♡