#more guys i know :/ but there are simply so few adult women there. all the girls r highschoolers and even then theyre scarce...

[ihavemyfits]

a boy w somewhat artsy eyeliner was our cashier at a shop today and im sorry to say that i havent changed at all since i was a kid. i am not immune to guyliner

[igotanidea]

Childlike honesty: Jason Todd x single!mom!reader

Jason never thought he could be falling in love so quickly.

Arguably too quickly, but she was so different from anyone he knew.

Different from all the girls, all the women, all the people in the world.

Seeing right past through his crap, and his façade and not being afraid to confront him about it.

Aiming arrows at his insecurities, exposing them painfully, only to soothe the stinging with a few well-chosen words and smiles that made him melt.

So yes, he would dare go as far as to say that after merely a few months of dating, he was in love.

And though it might spook her, he had to tell her, simply because there was no way to contain it inside his poor, shattered heart.

And judging the risk, between telling her like an adult and blurting it out in the least appropriate moment like a silly teen, the former seemed less daunting.

And that was how he found himself knocking at her door in the early morning (too early!) on Saturday (she might have been sleeping!), ready to pour his heart out.

“Coming!” her slightly muffled voice came from behind the door and his heart picked up the pace. The key rattled in the lock and there she was. With her hair a mess, remnants of sleep still in her eyes, squinting a little at the light coming from the stairwell.

So beautiful. He thought, but pursed his lips, hiding the words under a teasing smirk to prevent himself from doing the exact thing he planned not to.

“Jason. Hey!” her smile grew wide when she saw him and instinctively she leaned to peck his cheek “What are you doing here this early? Shouldn’t you be resting after night’s activities?”

“Don’t know what you’re implying.” He scoffed playfully, before turning a bit more serious “I just wanted to see you, princess. I got something important to tell you and – um… Actually, can I come inside? I’d rather not have all your elderly neighbors prying in on us.”

“Come inside?” she repeated as if her brain was not fully awake yet “you want to come in? I mean – of course you want to come in” she chuckled awkwardly. “Haha! That’s actually funny because—"

“Y/N.” Jason frowned, not liking her reaction at all, his mind swirling with possible explanations of her erratic behavior and nervousness. “Are you with someone? Are you with a guy?” shit, shit, shit. Just a thought that she might have had fun with someone else stung.

“It’s not what you think—” she started, trying to gather herself, but the sentence was cut off abruptly by another persona in this three-person drama.

“Mommy…?”

Mommy?!

Jason looked down, noticing a little boy, perhaps 3 or 4 years old, standing behind Y/N’s legs, his tiny arms wrapped around her calf. Kid’s e/c eyes, spitting image of Y/N’s were locked on Jason as the boy put his thumb in his mouth and started sucking on it.

“Theo!” she exclaimed, picking the boy from the ground and stopping him from the action. “Honey, how many times have I told you? Big boys do not suck their thumbs. You’re too smart for that, aren’t you?”

“I’m a big boy.” Theo repeated, obediently releasing his finger and wrapping his little hands on Y/N;s neck, nuzzling into her.

“You are.” Y/N smiled, ruffling boy’s hair “and a very good one too. Mommy’s proud of you.”

“Mommy!?”

Y/N spun towards the door abruptly. For a second, she completely forgot that Jason was still standing in the frame, with his eyes wide and mouth half-open, having just discovered her secret. She turned pale then red then pale again

“Jason--”

“What does it mean!?”

“Please stop yelling.”

“Is this some sort of game to you!? You have a son!?”

“Could you please calm down and –”

“You have a son!”

For Theo’s sake she stifled the curse that was forming deep in her throat. But the fact that Jason yelling was already starting to attract attention and one of the elderly neighbors peeked from behind the door, giving y/n a death look, she had to take action. Fixing the grip on her son, she somehow managed to grab Jason’s hand and drag him inside the apartment, locking the door and exhaling heavily.

“Yes. I have a son. It’s not like this is some kind of supernatural occurrence.”

“You have a son!”

“Mommy, why is he screaming so loud?” Theo whined and covered his little ears, which actually made Jason feel a little guilty. It was just a kid and he was behaving like a total ass. “I thought it was bad to scream?”

“It is, love.” Y/N kissed Theo’s forehead “It is, but sometimes people do it either way. Now, could you please go and play with your toys in the room? Mommy’s gotta talk to her friend ok? It’s important. Can you be a good boy for mommy?”

“Yeah…” Theo nodded, and when Y/N placed him back onto the ground he rushed off to his room, grabbing a plushy dinosaur discarded on the floor.

Y/N led him away with his eyes, and only when Theo was completely involved in his play she let out another exhale, letting her shoulders sink and turned to face Jason.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“No I don’t want anything to drink, I want a fucking explanation!”

“Hey! No swearing! There’s a kid here!”

“I’m sorry…”

“You should be. But you’re right too. I owe you an explanation. Come, sit.” She gestured towards the couch, the furthest from Theo’s room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About Theo?”

“No about the Big Bang Theory.” He was an ass, but couldn’t hide the sarcasm and anger. “Of course I’m talking about the kid. Theo? That’s his name?”

“Yeah. It’s after –”

“I don’t really care about the etymology of the name, Y/N. Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you the truth.”’

“Why?”

“Because you never asked.”

“Oh come on, seriously!? That’s a childish argument and besides, it’s not like this I’m asking every girl I’m dating if she maybe has kids! Not exactly the first thing that comes to mind when meeting someone!”

“Please. Sit down. Come on, don’t cut me out. Let me explain this-“

“Fine!” he muttered, plumping on the couch, arms crossed, face unreadable, putting on his most unapproachable exterior “talk.”

She sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to make it easy for her. He had every right to be angry, but zero right to judge her about her past and this time she was going to be honest. If truth meant the end of their blooming relationship so be it. Better to know.

“Theo’s dad was an asshole. A mistake.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Will you let me talk!?” he patted the top of his head, and despite himself Jason chuckled at the gesture. “It's not like I got into the bed with the guy I had just met! You should know better!”

“I know better. That’s the exact reason why I’m still sitting here listening to you instead of running away.”

“Me and Theo’s dad…” she continued “we had been dating for a few years before it happened. He got drunk, I was young and stupid, letting him do too much, we ended up in the bed and the next thing I knew, I was pregnant.”

“And?”

“Well, like I said, he was an asshole, which turned out pretty quickly. He never wanted kids and the fact that I had a bun in the oven was not compliant with his plan for life.”

“Please don’t tell me that this fucker—” Jason started, clenching his fists at the thought what Y/N must have been through.

“First, he told me to get rid of the problem. And obviously, I refused. So he changed tactics, trying to threaten me into getting an abortion. And I refused again. So he got aggressive.”

“Did he hit you!?” Jason’s protective instincts kicked in, the anger and sense of betrayal slowly giving way to completely other feelings towards her.

“No. He wouldn’t dare. But at some point he just left. Leaving me with a kid on the way.”

“Y/N…”

“It’s okay. I’m better without him anyway. Me and Theo both. He didn’t deserve to be called a man, let alone a father.”

“I’m so sorry, princess…”

“Theo was born prematurely. It was my seventh month and I was still working when my water broke and a friend drove me to the hospital. He was so tiny and –” her eyes filled with tears and Jason immediately moved to wrap arms around her, as if shielding her from the pain of the past. “I spent first six months of his life in the NICU, almost sleeping on the floor, scared to death that—”

“shh…” his hands cradled her closer to his chest, rubbing her back, brushing her hair, kissing the top of her head “Shhh, Y/N. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You are so brave.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before—" she sobbed

“Hush, love. Don’t apologize. Just tell me why you didn’t tell me? Were you scared?”

“I was. But not for the reason you might think.”

“Huh?”

“We’ve been dating for what? Six months? As important as you are to me Jason , I don't know if this is permanent. And Theo-“ her voice broke “- he deserves stability. He didn't know his father for god's sake, and it is not like you can just explain it to a kid that his father didn't want him. Or me. So tell me, how could I have told you about him when I was scared that - that—”

“You were scared that I’d leave you too.” Jason cupped her cheek, looking straight into her eyes “that I’d leave like everyone else.”

“Yeah… And I’d understand If you’d want to…”

“I’m not leaving you, princess. You’re stuck with me.” He leaned forward, softly brushing his lips over hers.

Y/N reciprocated his kiss and even though they were both trying to control themselves, the fire in them ignited quickly as the making out became a little more intense, a little more steamy, his hands traveled to her waist, pulling her onto his lap, sneaking under her shirt to touch her soft skin—

“No…” he pulled back, using all his strength to do so. “We can’t do it here, can we?”

“Not really.” She chuckled, squinting towards Theo’s room. “Me and him, we’re kind of a package deal.”

“Oh yeah, I got the memo.” He smirked, pinching her waist playfully, setting her back on the couch. “Can’t say I like it now, but—”

“Would you like to meet him?” she interjected in the moment of spontaneity 

“Your son?”

“Yes.” She nodded, absolutely sure about her decision. “And not just by yelling on the doorstep, but by officially meeting him?”

“I—” Jason stuttered. Even he could understand that this was important. Y/N was looking at him with hope and silent encouragement in his eyes. A sign of trust that could never be put into words. She actually wanted him to meet her son. Which meant, she was serious about him. About them. “Yeah… yeah, I think I’d like to meet the kid…”

“You would?” she smiled brightly, her eyes shining

“Yeah…” he smiled back, reaching to hug her and she gladly dived into his arms, holding him for dear life “Thank you… Thank you Jason…”

“Of course, princess…” he whispered with a lump in his throat from all the emotions. Though that was the perfect moment to tell her how he felt about their relationship, that he was in love with her, he just couldn’t, opting to stay silent and just live in the moment.

“Mommy?” Sudden, quiet little voice came from behind and Theo came to view, holding onto his plushie looking as cute as only a 3 (or 4, Jason was terrible at assessing age) year old kid can.

“Theo, hey. Come here, kiddo, I’d like you to meet someone.”

Y/N opened her arms to the child and he approached the couch, climbing up with his mother’s help and settling on her knees.

“This is Jason. He's someone very important to me. Can you say hi?” Y/N encouraged her son to shake Jason's hand.

 “Hi… I’m Theo…”

“Hey buddy.” Jason reached for his little fingers, squeezing them gently, reminding himself that this boy was in fact a delicate being, not like the goons and vigilantes he was used to. And honestly, the sensation of a little soft hand in his big and calloused one sent goosebumps over his body, though Jason would never admit it out loud. “Um… nice to meet you, I’m Jason.”

Theo tilted his head a little, staring Jason up and down with those piercing eyes and for some reason it felt like this little kid was judging a grown-ass man. Subconsciously assessing whether this one would be good for his mom and whether they would become friends. And it was quite a humbling experience.

“Mommy? Is that the guy whose photo you have on your phone?" Suddenly Theo blurted.

“Oh, a photo?” Jason teased, throwing Y/N a glance, immediately picking up the subject before she could intervene and stop this child-like honesty. “On her phone, huh? And what does your mom do with this photo?”

“She looks at it. When she lays down to sleep and she thinks and I don’t notice. She looks at it and smiles.”

“Oh really?’

“Yes. I like her happy.”

“Me too buddy…” Jason felt his heart flutter “Me too…” the look he sent Y/N was full of love and affection, making her blush a little. 

“I think she likes you. She almost never smiles like that.”

“Is that so? Is that true, Y/n, do you like me?” 

Y/N hid face in her hands, embarrassed at the entire situation

“Okay, that’s enough bonding for one day. Who wants ice cream?” 

She picked Theo up and walked towards the kitchen with Jason close on their feet with the happiest grin on his face. He could already tell that in time he and Theo were going to be good friends. 

to be continued <?>

@ladychibirae @franbowidk @amyynella @gl1tchgr3mlin

[p-redux]

Follow up to my last post regarding Sam Heughan allegedly going camping last weekend with a mystery woman...

So, it came to my attention that another blogger connected the dots between Sam Heughan posting on Instagram from the Scottish countryside and a woman posting she was camping in what looks like the same exact spot. The other blogger went on to say something along the lines of not liking Sam's behavior due to who this woman is. And that she wouldn't post the woman's name as a result. This understandably created a lot of chatter and curiosity. People bombarded me with Anons and DMs about it. Certain people on my Team had a suspicion of WHO the woman is. The other blogger loves to claim that she's neutral and simply posts info. But the reality is she is very judgmental of Sam, and more importantly, she surrounds herself with CONFIRMED Sam haters, disgruntled ex-shippers, and Purv aka me haters. That's a FACT and theres no denying it. All anyone has to do is look at the bloggers who leave comments and likes on her posts--all KNOWN Sam haters, disgruntled ex-shippers, and long time haters of moi. The narrative this blogger perpetuates is that Sam is a man whore, and in this instance, a pervert for being with this woman. (She's young. Legal, but young.)

I, on the other hand, believe ALL dating is good, as long as it's between CONSENTING ADULTS. Sam is SINGLE. He can date whoever he wants and as many or as little women as he wants. And like I said in my previous post, Sam isn't deceiving anyone. Unless these women just landed on the planet, they all have social media and know how to use Google Search. They can SEE and READ about who he's dated or dating. I don't know about you, but every woman I know, the second they're interested in a guy, the first thing they do is conduct an extensive Internet search on him. Women are more efficient than the F B I when they want to find out info on a man. 🧐 Facts. And, on my blog, I don't use initials, for the most part, I write out full names, so any woman Googling Sam's dating history has LOTS to read about. 😉

I don't think Sam is doing anything wrong: he's dating multiple women, it's all consensual, and they are all of legal age. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? Nothing, dammit, absolutely nothing.

So, if you want a blog that supports Sam and is glad he has an active love life, this is it. For the love of God, he's so fucking hot, who would turn down that golden delicious Scottishness? Not I, lasses, not I. Amirite? 🤗 If you want to be a prude with your panties in a bunch over consensual dating between a hot actor and the women who clearly can't resist his charms, the Sam hater blogs are waiting with open arms to brainwash you. Go there.

Okay, so onto what the other blogger posted. I was sent these screencaps. Sam posted this a few days ago. 👇

Closer shot of the mountains and sky. 👇

The mystery woman in question posted this. 👇

Here it is lightened up by me. 👇

Seems like the same place. The other blogger said she was sent screenshots of the mystery woman posting from the same place. And the caption in the top right stating she was camping. The other blogger cropped out most of the pic, except the top of the back of the woman's head. 👇

I lightened up the pic. It looks like she has blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. 👇

Someone on my Team obtained some info that led her to the account of a young female Scottish athlete. It seems that the other blogger is outraged with Sam's "behavior" simply because the woman is 19 years old. Yes, that's young, but again, she is a legal adult. And Sam is famous, there's ton of info online about him. I'm sure the woman Googled him before she got in a tent or camper with him. JS. She and Sam mutually follow each other. 👇

It was also pointed out to me that the only set of pics of his that she liked on Instagram is the one he posted when they allegedly went camping together. 👇 What a coinky dink. 🤔😊

She's an accomplished athlete, college student, blonde, Scottish. What's not to like? Again, two single, CONSENTING ADULTS. If that's a problem for anyone, then that's literally YOUR problem. Sam seems verra happy with his life. And any woman who spends little or lots of time with him, I'm sure is happy as well. Again, what is the problem? None that I can see. But, hey, I love sex, and camping, and Scottish lads who look like this. 👇🤷‍♀️

PS. I'm not going to post her name FOR NOW because there is no concrete confirmation it was her. It's all circumstantial evidence at the moment. If I get something more concrete, then I'll post her name. In addition, I've gotten other DMs wondering if the outrage is because the woman isn't this athlete, but is one of the new cast of Blood Of My Blood. But, outrage over two actors on parallel shows dating would be weird since it happens all the time. Who knows...

That's what I have for now. If it's not the athlete in question, it doesn't really matter, the point is Sam is dating around, enjoying life. Sounds good to me. If you figure out who she is, please, don't be an asshole, and go harass her. Thanks.

As for the haters already frothing in my Anon Asks, keep 'em coming. I LOVE to laugh and laugh and laugh at your idiocy. Go ahead, make my day. 😘

[adoresmiles]

His Concealed Obsession.

Chapter five

Tags : @violetmuses @deja-r @jacobscipioswoman @peaxhygirl @armandoaretasfc @unicorndelulu @liatreads @sunrisesfromthewest @onlyrealjoy @nobodygetsza @nelo0wesker @simpledopeme @slashervalley @aaronhotchnerlover @catha2003

The following morning  Noelani Storm was sitting across from her two youngest children . She had initially planned on meeting the both of them the previous night before but neither of the two were able to meet up with her . So here she was now , sitting in Kanani penthouse public lounge .

"Pono ʻolua e kamaʻilio me ko ʻolua makua kāne ."

"If he wanted to have a conversation with us , then he would be sitting here with us mom."

"Dad always send you when he knows his actions are in the wrong ."

"You are absolutely correct about that. He does and I spoke to him about his actions. Now it's up to him be an adult and have a conversation with the both of you. But know that his intentions are always pure and genuine."

"But the outcome is always the opposite."

Dad doesn't respect out our boundaries at all and if it continues then I'll gladly cut him off. Him and I will just simply coworkers."

"I agree , you don't even ask us about our personal life mom and let alone do you snoop around in our stuff. You would think it would be the complete opposite since Jaxon was the one to steal from him."

"Dad and Jaxon made amends with each other after that situation Nani."

"I could have told you that myself.. I personally feel like dad has trust issues and with the death of Nani neighborhood and then the shooting only has him on edge even more."

"I think he believes I have something to do with it."

"But you're not and I relayed that to him. When I went to get the camera footage , you weren't no in the video and mind you he saw the video as well. Even with the shooting, when it occurred you were caught in the midst of it. The shooter started shooting exactly at 4:45 pm he didn't make it to you until 5:15pm , he spun the block twice due to it be a gang rivalry going on and the shooter happened to see his guys ."

"Which I also checked them both about as well. I was on the one who dispatched the call to Keith and everyone else.  Rita and I saw the footage as well , I also checked Mike about assuming that the necklace around your neck is his son's."

"You didn't have to do that mom."

"No I did, nobody knows how that boy look besides him , ammo and your brother."

"Oh shit I didn't even realize you had a necklace on. It's cute on you , I like it. Where you get it from?"

"It was a gift but uncle Mike think the necklace belongs to his son."

"Far as I know Uncle Mike doesn't really have relationship with him. They're having a hard time building one. I only saw him a few times , a quick head nod and that's all."

"Well don't let them two fools get the best of you Nani. Same goes to you as well Keith, I know how protective you are when it comes down to your sister."

Noelani expressed as she begin playing with her son puppy. The puppy was roughly around five months old and everyone in the family was in a chokehold. She had also taken a liking to her human grandmother and aunt. Who both spoiled her with toys , treats and unconditional affection.

""That's my twin! She's the mini KP, just the female  version of me. What time are we doing this cookout today?"

"It's 11 now and I know your father and them are getting the meats and sides ready. So I'll say around four , that will give y'all enough time to get whatever you need done. ʻAʻole pololei kēlā koko ??"

"Ima have to drop her off at the sitters house."

"Why do you have someone watching my niece?"

"Because her mother is out of town. Plus you and mom are busy with work and getting the store ready for the grand opening."

"Now you know I love my grandchildren. Coco knows I love me some her and her little puppy breath."

"That's nasty mom."

"I swear you were a white women in your past life. That sounds like something a white person will say when they see a new puppy."

"KP isn't lying mommy , I don't ever want to hear that come from your mouth again. "

"It's like baby breath , but Keith why not just bring her to the cookout ? It's just our family , Marcus family , Mike and a few other people."

"Now when you say people you mean as the police department ?"

"Pretty much , the whole force practically raised you."

"I wasn't planning on staying long , just a couple of hours and then we're going to the  club."

"That sounds fun, I'm assuming it's you and your best friend of yours are the only ones going?"

"We invited Galena. Your peanut head son over here was suppose to join us but somebody got plans already."

"Aye the boys and I might slide thru for a bit."

"Don't be on any type of demon time and if you think about bringing Darius make sure he brings his wallet."

"Isn't he the one who likes you?"

"Darius does ask about you every other week."

"He's such a nice young man, you should give him a chance Nani. I can see you with him honestly."

"Darius is also a player and once you play me oh it's a wrap for you baby!"

"What about the secret admire you got going on? He got you flowers , that little necklace you got around your neck and he probably got you that dress too."

"He did and it's the right size too. I tried it on last night and it looks amazing on me too."

"Wait so not only does Darius like you , but you have admire out here buying you things?! The apple does not fall far from tree at all. Ua pololei kou kupunawahine nui."

"What was she right about?"

"You are just like your grandmother and I . We always had men chasing after us , even when we didn't want . They were always chasing after us."

"Let's not forget about me who is also son here , I have the females chasing after me consistently. But I got my eyes on my baby girl at the moment."

"You tell Deja that she better bring her ass to the opening next week. I’m tired of her missing out on the family functions.”

“I’ll let her know , she’s been looking forward to seeing you again. I really don’t want her to meet dad at the moment.”

“I understand completely but you can’t keep her from meeting him. She’s a lovely girl and I’m su-"

“He’s going to ask her a million of questions and I don’t want that for her. Dej meeting you and Nani was enough for me and respectfully I just want to keep it between us three. Everyone knows about us besides dad. He’s too judgy and I just can’t put her through that. I love her way too much .”

“You love her?! Awww KP you finally found someone to love. He’s growing up on us mom. I remember when you were running around in your little chain and diaper.”

“Kanani ya ass wasn’t even talking let alone even walking. So how would you even remember that?”

“Oh let’s not forget that grandma knows how to operate her phone now. All I have to do is ask for a specific video or picture and she will send it to me. Just don’t FaceTime though , she will sit there on the camera for an hour if you let her.”

“Now that is very true , she called me at three in the morning asking me what was I doing . So i asked granny why are you even up at that time anyway and she going to say that grandpa and her just got back from a party.”

“She called mom and i too on Group FaceTime. Saying how much she was having and how grandpa and her were going to be up all night long.”

“Now that’s nasty , they out here being grown and need to be stopped. They’re too old to be doing that.”

“Your father and i do it all the time.”

“Ew that’s nasty!”

“And that’s our cue to go , come on coco . Your grandmother is being real disgusting right now.”

“We have a whole baby here mom. In fact that’s a new boundary right there. Don’t ever mention your sex life us. I’m about to puke my breakfast up.”

Noelani shrugged her shoulder and continued to watch her children gag loudly. She wasn’t ashamed of admitting it to her kids that unlike them her sex life was very much still active and alive.

Translation

"Pono ʻolua e kamaʻilio me ko ʻolua makua kāne "  : You two need to have a conversation with your father .

"ʻAʻole pololei kēlā koko ?" Isn't that right coco?

"Ua pololei kou kupunawahine nui" : Your great grandmother was right.

[beanghostprincess]

Trans buggy is my lifeblood and I am SO HAPPY YOU LOVE HER TOO and I'm feral I'm shaking the bars of my cage FUCK I LOVE WOMEN

Like. Yes. Absolutely, Shanks and Buggy have little bits and pieces of ALL their parents, specifically Ray and Roger but No Adult Was Safe From Their Assimilated Found Family, Alright?

Shanks does this one movement when he's showing off and being SILLY about it that he picked up from Oden. Buggy uses chopsticks more easily than forks and spoons, which is mind boggling to those who know her and how clutzy she is.

Crocus was the KING of unexpected and frankly terrifying threats, something Buggy learned like a damned religion. Shanks got his penchant for Gay Uncle On Holiday clothes and patterns from him.

A lot of Shanks' attacks and swordplay was taught to him by Roger and Rayleigh, so his style is a mix of their own with a TWIST that's all him. Buggy wasn't as interested in swordsmanship, but she certainly isn't a novice at it. The forms and katas to her are meditative, and she can't really sit still for normal meditation ((AuDHD Buggy my beloved)) so THIS is her way of grounding. Her knife fighting is also derived from Ray's style, with quick, devasting blow that focus more on backlash damage, Haki and agility.

Buggy and Shanks both have Roger's grin, and when Rayleigh sees them, grown and side by side and beaming and greeting him so warmly, part of him breaks and heals and splinters and oozes love. He of course will not show weakness and instead teases them, as is his love language.

Also consider Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims. Stuff's normal at first until they give the kids some children's books. Cue "what is a dad? What is a mom?" questions. The adults answer them, and the kids simply nod before wandering off again.

Then, a few hours later, Buggy feels a tiny hand tug-tug at her pants. It's two little dark haired tykes, big saffron and violet eyes staring up at her. She blinks. "What's up, munchkins?"

"Mother, we want a snack and fathers are busy."

"Oh. Yeah, sure thing, sweeties, let me ju- WAITWHAT-?!"

Shanks is frothing, seething, crying in the window like a Victorian woman betrayed when he gets word that Buggy and the other two have "sons". He then proposes they have a baby too, to be fair.

Then the kids call him uncle or father twice removed and he is suddenly living his best life wdym he's gonna be the BEST uncle ever, hey kids wanna go harass people-?

Buggy is BEYOND flustered but she's also.... really flattered? Shanks wants a baby? With HER?? Like a real, whole ass baby. Wow. And she already has two sons! Maybe. Her little Birdie seems a tad unphased by the concept of gender anyway, so she won't push. She has two kids. And Shanks wants a third. Wow. Wow~ ♡

And then Crocodile has to go and ruin it by suggesting the kids stay with "auntie Al" for the weekend, while the guys see if they can get that baby idea rolling~

Buggy proceeds to blush so hard she's STEAMING and promptly faints.

I FUCKING LOVE WOMEN TOO!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING THIS EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!!!!!

Both of them having traits of all their parents and role models and keeping them with them forever,, When Rayleigh sees them again he's so fond of their little gestures and :(( He loves them so so much.

Also, the whole thing about Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims is just so so cute. And them calling Buggy 'mom'??????? Crying and sobbing, idk. Cute family that is not dysfunctional but pretty much not normal my beloved.

Honestly, Buggy as a mom just feels so right. But especially as an adoptive mom, you know? She just keeps seeing outcasts and understanding them so well and wanting to take care of them. Tbh, Shanks and Buggy should just,, Find a kid in a treasure chest and keep the baby.

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 6

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: For week 4 of my pride event: Food, fun, fashion. Joel, Sarah, Blue, and

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: Not to sound like a 2012 wattpad writer but I cried writing this.

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Joel woke up to the smell of pancakes. When he looked at his watch, he was shocked to find it was 11:45 pm. He couldn't believe it, he hadn’t slept later than 7 since… well since Sarah’s birth, probably. 

Memories of last night flooded to him. Blue. Kayla. Sarah screaming for him. Telling him Kayla threw her art away. Finding out Kayla let strange men around her… Joel rubbed his eyes, sighting deeply before staggering out of the small bed. How had him and Tommy and Sarah managed to sleep in here all night?

Joel’s heart swelled with love for his brother. He was a good man, despite his troubles, despite his addictions. He was a good uncle. Checking his phone, he saw 3 missed calls from Blue, and a few texts along the lines of “where are you?”. Shit. You were missed, he knew it. Joel’s heart began to beat rapidly, warmth flooding all over his body as he dreaded your reaction. Would you scream at him the way Kayla did? Or were you more the type to ignore him until he came begging. Would you accuse him of cheating on him with Kayla? He would never cheat on anyone, let alone you, and let alone with Kayla. How could he convince you on that? It probably looked suspicious… shit, and right after you and him made love for the first time?

He decided to get it over with, hitting the call back button with shaking hands.

“Hey! Joel, are you-” He’s too panicked, crouched over in Sarah’s small bed with his feet planted to the floor, jittering, for Joel to hear the concern in your voice.

“Blue, I’m so sorry I didn’t call back, I’m really, really sorry, it was a disaster at Kayla’s, Sarah was screaming, and, and we got home and she was just so upset, me and Tommy slept inthe bed with her-”

“Joel?”

It was with the call of your voice Joel realized it was getting hard to breathe, his head feeling light.

“Yeah?”

“I need you to breathe with me.”

Like a couple of times before, you guide him through breathing, you notice his change and without judging you simply walk him through it. It was easy, when you worked him through it. 

When it was all said and done, you continued on, not patronizing him or needing to talk about it. You just go back to the question. “Is Sarah okay?”

Joel took another breath. “Yeah, yeah” He sighed out. “She’s okay. Had a dream me and Tommy died on the farm, Kayla… well she locked her in her room. It was bad.”

Joel heard you sigh on the other end. “Shit, that’s awful Joel. I’m really sorry. How is she this morning?” He could tell you cared.

“Oh, I uh… I don’t know. I just woke up. Tommy’s downstairs with her…”

Your laugh on the other end makes him smile a little. “You slept in a princess bed all night, handsome?”

He laughed back. “Built it, might as well use it, I guess.”

“Well, thanks for calling me back, I was a little worried. You okay?”

He swore he could still feel the sting of the slap on his face. “Yeah, I’m okay.” as long as she was, so was he.

“Okay. Go see you’re daughter, cowboy.”

He paused. “You don’t… got any questions?”

“Like what?”

“Like… you’re not worried I slept with Kayla? Since I didn't respond?”

“Did you?”

“No, not a chance.” He’d been down one time, never going back again. 

“Then that's that. Never even crossed my mind, Joel. If I thought you were a cheater, I wouldn’t be with you.”

How different you were. 

“Listen, Sarah’s had a tough night, I wanna spend time with just her and Tommy this weekend, but… wanna meet her in a couple days?”

“Yes!” You sounded so excited. “I would love that so much!”

“I thought maybe we take her to the park together, get some Olive Garden after, talk to her about us.”

When Joel finalized plans, he walked downstairs to find Sarah on the counter laughed and giggling while Tommy sprayed whipped cream on her nose, Sarah struggling to lick it with her tongue before Tommy kissed her. Whipped cream went everywhere, and Sarah laughed so hard she was practically screaming. When she saw him, Sarah stood on the counter and Joel opened his arms for Sarah to jump right in. “I love you so much, baby girl.” He turned to Tommy and mouthed a thank you.

*

Wednesday came soon enough, Joel rushing to pick Sarah up and struggling to drive the speed limit with her in the car. Once in, Tommy thankfully took Sarah to get her a snack and entertain her so Joel could get ready. He showered, scrubbing down every inch. He didn’t need to scrub his ass, pits, and feet that much, it’s not like you were getting up in there today. You wouldn’t be sleeping over. But he needed this to go perfect.

Little did he know, you were on the other side of town stressing yourself out. You’d met Sarah briefly so she’s already a little familiar with you but you were still nervous. This needed to go perfect.

Joel was your dream man. He was responsible, sober, kind. He was a god dad and that was fucking hot. You loved him, loved his cute, slightly pudgy face, loved his soft heart and gentle, calloused hands. You loved that he cared so deeply for Sarah, Tommy, Tess, the way he respected everyone around him from the McDonald’s drive through worker to your best friend, sitting across from you.

“Babe, you look gorgeous.”

“I know I’m gorgeous!!” You stomp your feet a little in a faux fit. “I need to scream ‘step mom’ material”

Talia rolled her eyes. “The way it sounds, Sarah needs a mom mom still.”

“Girl.” You deadpan. “I hear you, but you heard the lecture Joel gave Tommy, he still respects her as the mother of his child. And Sarah loves her mom. I’m not tryna make waves with that crazy bitch either. I would like for all of us to work together for her.”

“You know what Tess told me?”

You try putting your hair up in the mirror, trying to pull a more teacher aesthetic. “What?”

“She said once, when Joel and her were broken up, Kayla thought Joel and Tess were sleeping together and she went to her house in the middle of the night screaming she was going to kill her.”

You laugh, and immediately feeling bad. “Sorry, sorry, that’s not funny” but you were still laughing. “It’s just…” Another giggle “Tess is NOT the one to be playing with.” You grab a scarf for your hair, Talia saying she needed to see it normal and cool.

“No! Not at all!” Talia was laughing with you. “She answered the door with a fucking gun to her face, Tess said she looked like she was about to piss herself!”

“Tess ever show you any pictures? I ain’t got no idea what she looks like.” You continue looking in the mirror.

Talia shakes her head. “No, but she ain’t got hair like mine. Didn’t know shit about Sarah’s hair. Joel knows more than her.”

“Yeah.” You sigh, dreamily at the thought of your loving boyfriend washing his sweet girl’s hair. “He’s great, ain’t he?”

Standing up, Talia wraps your arm around you. Your oldest friend, your rock, your sister. “He’s a good one. But babe? Ditch the leather.”

You look down, then at her in the mirror. “Skirt?”

“Blue jeans.” She taps your thigh. “For fucks sake, Blue, wear some fucking blue jeans for once in your life.”

*

“Talia I’m gonna throw up”

You stood outside Joel home, you could even hear him telling Tommy, ‘For the love of god, please switch the clothes to the dryer’. Still your nerves were off the hook.

“You’ve literally met her before.”

“But not like this!”

“Blue, babe, I spent an afternoon with them. She’s a sweet girl, easy to please. She’s gonna love you, just like all your school kids do.”

She was right. You were a loved teacher. “Okay. Okay. It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fucking fine.”

“Hell yeah. Go get ‘em.”

You knock, then hear clamoring. ‘Tommy don’t you-’

But Tommy Miller opened the door, cheeky grin on her face as he leaned on the doorframe. “Heya Blue, glad to see you and Joel made it offi- Hey!” Tommy was yanked away as you laugh, Joel appearing and whispering in a harsh tone that Sarah doesn’t know yet, that’s the whole point of today.

He turns to you, soft smile on his face. “Sorry about him, come on in.” You wanted to kiss him, but it wasn’t time yet.

“Sarah?” Joel calls. “Come downstairs baby girl!”

You can hear the pitter patter of little feet in shoes down the stairs, Sarah flying into the hall with a bright smile and cute, casual clothes. “Hi!”

She was even cuter than you remembered, and the, albeit adorable, photo of her in Joel’s wallet and the three on his pickup dash and one inside his ballcap did not do her justice. How could her mom not want to be around her?

“Hi Sarah, remember me?”

“Yeah! Your name’s Blue, like the color in your hair.”

You chuckle a little, fighting the desire to take Joel’s hand for your own anxiety. “Well, close. That’s not my real name, but that’s what everyone calls me, so you can too!”

“Are you dating my daddy?”

Joel looked like he was about to panic. He planned a whole outing, a nice dinner (as nice as he could afford) and wanted to have a heart to heart. Sarah needed to approve. If Sarah wasn’t ready for this, you knew Joel would end it and you wouldn’t blame him. Poor baby has been through so much instability, she doesn’t need more. “Your dad and I are friends. We want to explain more, but thought we’d take you out for some fun first, how does that sound?”

Sarah lit up, ignoring her previous question. “Oh yes!” She turned to Joel. “Daddy please can we go?”

Smiling fondly, Joel patted her head, careful not to mess up the braids Talia taught him. “Darl’n, I already told you we were going out! Come on, vamnos.”

*

The day went swimmingly, Joel delighted in watching you run around on the playground with her while the weather was still nice. Goddamn, your ass looks good in jeans. Well, it looked good in leather… and in a dress… but GODDAMN the blue jeans… blue jeans! Fuck, you were everything he wanted, and it seemed Sarah loved you. Sarah, Tommy, Tess… the opinions that mattered most, all liked you, loved you even. As for Joel, in these short few months, he couldn’t imagine not having you going forward. The timing worked out suspiciously well. For the first month of real, honest togetherness, Sarah was with her mom more, allowing time together. Now that it blew as it always does, you and here were meeting and it was going great. Tommy had even come by the park to hang out for a little, the four of you spending family time- family? Was he considering you family already? He was in deep.

You’d taken her shopping as promised, insisting on buying her a dress as a treat. Sarah then made an off comment about her Kindergarten friend, Ellie, and wishing her and Ellie could match some day. She said Ellie ‘wasn’t living with her mommy and daddy’. Joel had sussed out a while ago that she was a foster kid.It wasn’t meant to be asking for anything, but you made her absolute day by buying another one for her to bring to Ellie. She hadn’t stopped talking about them matching for an hour, and Joel was a little worried Ellie might reject it. He’d only ever seen Ellie t-shirts and jeans, usually dirty. He didn’t think she’d like a rainbow dress.

Sarah then insisted you buy a dress, and you even let her pick out one for you. While trying it on, Joel couldn’t help stifle a laugh as you walked out in a hot pink poofy dress, looking like a fish out of water. It wasn’t that you looked bad; you were beautiful, of course but… clearly, this was not your style. Still, you smile and humor Sarah when she says you look “like a princess!!!”

As Joel watches Sarah “push” you down the slide and you turning around to surprise her by snatching her up on the way down and Tommy yelling to scare you both at the bottom, he feels his eyes tear up, just a tiny bit. This is what his future could look like.

*

At dinner, Tommy ended up coming along. If things went badly, Sarah could get some space with her favorite uncle. Dessert ordered, Joel grabbed your hand. It was time.

“Sarah, there’s something we’d like to talk to you about.” Joel glanced at Tommy sitting next to her. Tommy gave a soft, reassuring smile. He breathed, like how you taught him when feeling anxious, and continued as Sarah stuffed a breadstick in her mouth. “You asked if Blue and I are dating and… we are. I don’t want to keep secrets from you, and I want you to know you will always be my number one, okay?”

Sarah looked between the two of you. “So… you’re not marrying mommy?”

Joel held his breath for a moment at the mention of Kayla. “No, baby girl. Your mommy will always be special to me, but we aren’t getting married. We will always be a family, but not in that way.” 

She nods, thoughtfully. “Okay… I guess mommy was wrong. I won’t tell her.”

With that, Joel locks eyes with Tommy for a moment, then Sarah again. “No, no baby. You can tell your mommy, you don’t have to keep secrets from us, okay?” He squeezed your hand. “Did mommy say she was gonna marry me?”

Quickly, Sarah’s face turned sour, shifting uncomfortable and not looking at Joel anymore. “Daddy I wanna go home.”

Joel turned to you. He was confused how things turned so bad with her so fast. “Okay baby, we can go…”

“Joel?” You grab his attention. “May I?”

He hesitated, always trying to be the one to fix Sarah… but you worked with kids, maybe you could help. He nods.

“Sarah hunny, wanna step outside with me?”

*

By the time she got outside, little tears with in her eyes, and redness sprinkled on her face. 

“Sarah.”  You crouch down to her level. “Can we tell me what’s wrong? I promise I’ll try to help you. I want to help you.”

Her lip quivered, and before long Sarah was bawling in your arms. “Mommy has a boyfriend but she says she’s marrying daddy but daddy is dating you but mommy said not to tell anyone about any of it but I told daddy and now mommy is gonna be so mad! She’s always mad at me, she’s mad when she brushes my hair and when I don’t like dinner and when I can’t read the words and now she’ll be mad again!”

Your teacher's senses were tingling. You were better than to ask too many prying questions, but didn’t want to just leave it. “What does she do when she’s mad?” You stroke her back. 

“Yells sometimes. Sometimes she doesn’t talk to me.” She starts calming down, getting the tears out still.

You were relieved. “I’m so sorry that happens to you, beautiful. You absolutely do not deserve it. You are a smart, thoughtful, kindheart and beautiful girl and there is nothing you can do to deserve being ignored or yelled at, okay? But your daddy and your uncle Tommy love you so, so much, and you can trust your daddy with anything. You don’t have to keep secrets, but he will keep yours. He won’t tell your mommy what you said, and you don’t have to keep me a secret.”

A few minutes and a tissue to her sweet face later, Sarah was happily eating chocolate mousse cake and telling Tommy not to eat it.

*

Joel scrubbed his face, stressed at what you filled him in on. After watching Matilda, you hung out with Tommy while Joel put a sleeping Sarah to bed. Once she was safe and secure, Joel spending a little time just sitting by her head, he left her be. She was wearing a headscarf protecting her hair, something she did not take off tonight for the first time. You made it look cool to her.

After interrupting you and Tommy’s loud laughing, you three watched some evening TV before you called it a night, citing drop-off duty. When he walked you to your motorcycle, fretting over the darkness you’d be riding home in. Once alone, you filed him in on what Sarah said.

“She’s under so much stress, and she’s only 5.” He said with a little whine, frustrated and obviously feeling like he’s failing.

You take your boyfriend into your arms. “Joel… baby you’ve done everything to protect her, to make her feel beautiful loved and be happy. She is obsessed with you and Tommy… and her mom, but for the wrong reasons. She wants the approval you and Tommy give her from her mom but… you can’t make Kayla change.”

“I don’t wanna keep her away from her mom, it ain’t right. A girl needs a mom- or um… Sarah needs her mom, not that all girls need a mom or a dad or-”

You cut him off, chuckling. “I know what you mean Joel.”

He clears his throat, still hugging you, seeming to hide his face in your neck. “I’m sorry, I know I say stuff like that and it may not come off like an alley, but I promise I love all y’all. You, Tess, Bill and Frank even if Bill is a grump. Talia too, I care about her a lot.”

“I know, baby. I know. It’s not you, it’s just the words and phrases our language is built around. But I agree, Sarah is a girls girl.” You pull back, cupping his face. “I’m not trying to take Kayla’s place, but I want you to know, if our relationship keeps progressing, I wanna be that girl for Sarah. I wanna be there for her, for her school dances and getting make up and all the fun activities she’ll go to, buy her cute barbies and,” You giggle. “Let her take it out on me when she has bad hair days or break out. Although you and I are both gonna have fly by the seat of our pants in the puberty department.”

He chuckles too, but the moon glistens in his eyes. “You really wanna be with me that long?”

“Joel, right now, I never wanna be away from you.”

Joel tucks your head in, gently kissing your forehead. “Me neither. Thank you for… being willing to do this at Sarah’s pace. At my pace.”

“Of course. I’m not in any hurry, I want you both to be okay.”

Joel loved that you cared about Sarah so much, cared about her well-being. For a while, he just held you, feeling you close, the warmth of your body. He couldn’t help think of last weekend, knowing you intimately. He thought you’d feel different than other women he’d been with, and it did. But not because you were trans, but because it was you. You were special. The physical feeling of sex was indistinguishable but the emotional connection he had with you was unlike any other. He loved Kayla, he really did. But it was never like this. He loved Tess in a different sort of way, a bond that was stronger than what he had with Kayla, something deeper but even then, sex with her wasn’t like this. 

No one was like you.

“Do you want more kids?” Your voice broke him out of it, and he looked into your eyes. The moon shone off the blue in your hair, pulling his gaze for just a second. “Like, another one?”

He blinked, “Oh. Can you…?” He didn’t think you could have kids… did the surgery include adding other things?

It was clear you were trying not to laugh. “No, no unfortunately, the science isn’t there…” There is a little look of sadness, of longing, even as your eyes glittered with laughter. “That’s why I’m asking, I guess… Because I can’t…”

Joel considers this. He hadn’t really thought about it, being so busy with taking care of Sarah and not having romantic prospects… but the idea of another… he loves it. He loves Sarah and it's hard to imagine loving another kid that much… but Sarah would be a good sister and he would love another child… him and Kayla used to talk about a big family.

“I would, but… it’s not contingent. It’s not everything. Getting along with Sarah is. Tommy and Tess liking you is very important. But having kids… isn’t.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, relaxing a bit as you go in for a gentle kiss. “We could always adopt.”

He felt a smile growing. “Yeah, yeah we could.”

You squeeze his buttcheek, then mount your bike and put on your helmet. “Let’s get through Thursday first, cowboy.”

Joel smiled as you started the bike up. “I love you, Blue. Thanks for today.”

“Anything for you.”

Joel-y Poel-y Ole-y you sweet sweet man1!!!!!

PROTECT SARAH AT ALL COSTS!

Im so happy with this series. Next chapter wont be part of a theme but its whats needed to move things forward.

Enjoy the happy! It wont last!

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[coweye]

Commitment Issues - Part 9

Pairing: Benjamin Miller x Reader Words: 5.0K Summary: When you try and take your friends with benefits relationship to the next level, Benny’s response isn’t quite what you were expecting.

Warnings: Finally there's warnings again! Slight Angst, NSFW - respect the 18+ pls, cuteness.

So, this fic has always been close to my heart. 

I wrote this two years ago about a guy I was seeing but wanted more from. (Full disclosure, he’s no Benny Miller and luckily I didn’t have his baby.) It was a way of daydreaming the way my life could’ve gone. I never could’ve imagined you guys would embrace it the way you have and it honestly warms my heart so much that there are people out here waiting for an update. I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting.

A few months ago (the not-Benny) actually asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Spoiler alert - he’s really not boyfriend material. So, much as I suspected, it didn't work out, because men aren’t written by women in real life. I’m not surprised or sad, I’m happy I know for sure but it  feels like I’ve come full circle and I think it's time I give our girl the ending I didn’t get. 

I love you all so much and words can describe how much I appreciate your support.

➢fic masterpost

PREVIOUS PART

Life in the past 48 hours had been… surreal. 

You had confessed your feelings for your baby daddy and then found out that he reciprocated those feelings all before doing the equivalent of pushing a grape out of your nostril.

A baby.

A gorgeous baby girl. 

Gorgeous didn’t quite cover it, yet finding a word that described the transcendent beauty of the soul you’d brought forth into this world escaped you, as did a name for the said beauty. 

For the time being the angel made human was currently known as TBD or more affectionately Tee. The two of you had been trying out names but a new baby and totally requited feelings didn't automatically cancel out a life-time of bickering. 

Your problem was there wasn’t a name you’d heard that actually sounded like her and Ben, god love him, had a habit of picking names from a nursing homes register; Ethel, Millicent, Edith - I could go on.

He liked old fashioned names, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though it didn’t lend itself to easy compromise. 

So, Tee, she remained with test names thrown in sporadically with hopes that a winner would stick, ideally before her 18th Birthday.  

Whilst the name vetoing annoyed the hell out of you there wasn’t any real friction. The name discussion never became heated, if a name was vetoed you moved on to the next accepting the decision of the other person. 

It was a healthy co-parenting dream. 

Despite the pending conversation that loomed over you both, things weren’t awkward - quite simply because you didn’t have the time for it to be!

Mia (Nah) didn’t leave you much time for it. 

Whilst she was a dream for sleeping, the time afforded to you both was spent sleeping or preparing the house for her awakening. She was beautiful, but exhausting - a lot like her father.

So it only made sense that when you got your first minute of peace,  after a long nap, now in your own bed and fresh pajamas; that the innermost workings of your heart would come to the surface. 

To the backing track of Modern Family, you planned and plotted your conversation word for word. Time allowed for dramatic pauses and longing gazes were of course included. When you began planning his lines you realized enough was enough and rose from your bed. 

Sure, after looking in the mirror, you’d had better days for your self confidence - ones where you weren’t rocking an adult nappy. But beggars couldn't be choosers and if you let it run in circles anymore you were afraid your brain would just combust.

There was a huge part of you that was excited after all this was years in the making, but then that small, human part of you was screaming at you to temper your expectations. 

How often does someone get everything they want? When did your life become a fairy tale? 

You didn’t think Benny would flat out turn you down, but what if he couldn’t live up to what had been in your head. 

For the first time, in a long time, you decided to ignore your brain - self preservation be damned. 

With a turn on your heel in a matching silk pajama set and a goddamn adult nappy you proudly began your descent down the stairs. 

Nothing could’ve prepared you for when you rounded the corner. 

There on the sofa he lay, utterly shirtless. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen him like this, in fact you’d actively avoided his fights after you had ‘broken up’ for this very reason because one look at those rippling shoulders would’ve tanked any remaining resolve or feminism left in your body. 

It would also be remiss to add that your daughter lay on his chest for what you assume was skin-to-skin time. Somehow, it both melted your heart and stoked a fire within you - having a child was strange. Since when was being a good Father a kink for you? 

“Pssst.” You whispered under your breath, trying to get his attention without waking the bean. It took another two tries before he finally looked up confused and then fixed you with that beaming smile.

“Well… good mornin’, Mama.” His voice was deep from lack of use and he looked utterly exhausted yet his smile was as big as ever.

You couldn’t help your own grin at his words as you pressed your attack and kneeled at his side. For a moment your hand stroked at the valley of her spine, before your palm came to rest on his bare shoulder.

How the hell could two people so clueless make something so absolutely perfect?

After a moment or two spent lost in pure adoration you lifted your gaze to Ben. His eyes hadn’t left your face since he became aware of your presence. 

You couldn’t help it.

Now was the time for words not for actions that had made this hole you were currently buried in, and yet …

You let yourself get lost in those eyes and pressed your lips against his. 

It was soft. 

Softer than anything the two of you had ever known. 

Neither one of you pushed for more, you simply indulged in the closeness that had been hard won to come so easily. The hand not cradling your daughter to his chest, rose to hug your cheek as you parted. 

“Where did that come from?”

“I’ve been meaning to do it since the hospital, but the nap helped me put my ducks in a row, I guess.”

Benny rose into a sitting position, slowly, mindful of the sleeping infant on his chest. 

He laid her in the moses basket at the foot of the sofa and pressed the white noise machine. Mozart began playing softly, lulling her into a deeper sleep.

Finally, Benny turned back to you, his eyes serious. “I wasn’t sure if you regretted saying what you did… if it was the heat of the moment… y’know the fear.”

You contemplated for a single moment.

“I meant every word.”

The problem with you and Benn had always been that you both approached your relationship with one foot out the door, whoever cared the least won. It was the way you both protected yourself.

It was only now you were realizing the commitment issues had gone both ways, for a time at least. It was easier if you played with no skin in the game, there was nothing to lose. But now, you had everything to lose and you didn’t want to waste a single moment playing the stupid games you’d wasted so many years of your life devoted to.

“Every word?”

“Every. Single. One. Especially the ones about your lame singing.” You couldn’t help your grin that snuck out as you teased him. 

“Lame? I’m sorry it's that gruff, sexy singing that made your ass crush on me.”

“God. I wish I could take it all back, but I do Benny, I fucking adore you.”

All through your back and forth he’d been advancing. It was as if your words prompted him to pounce. His hands were planted on your cheeks, as he gave you a part of himself in an all consuming kiss. 

It was like he was trying to explain all his feelings, all the hurt and frustration and affection he’d felt in one kiss.

As his tongue brushed yours and his hands trailed the sides of your body to pull you against him, your hands found his shoulders as you attempted to pull him closer, as if that was even possible. 

The two of you had been at war for so long, so afraid to give eachother any part of yourself. The air was thick with emotion, your hormones were all over the place as tears began to leak from your eyes. 

Relief, joy, lo- you couldn’t name the emotion entirely but it was some combination. With your kisses you promised to start anew, to fix what was broken and forget all the hurt you had caused one another.  

You were going to do your best for her, for your Joy.

Unable to stop yourself, you grabbed at the waistband of his sweats, finding the warm skin of his toned stomach. That seemed to bring him back to reality as he grabbed your hands and placed his forehead against yours, breathing heavily through his nose in what you assumed was an attempt to gather his self control. 

“Angel, you’re gonna start something you can’t finish, by my reckon… for at least 6 weeks.” 

“Let me take care of you.” You breathed, dropping your kisses lower to his neck. 

 “No, baby. We’re doing this right. I’m not gonna cum in your mouth and then leave you to carry on with your day aching in both ways - at least not till you can return the favor in mine.” He kissed your forehead chastely, as if he hadn’t just promised to eat you out the second your pussy was healed. 

“Benny.” You whined.

“I don’t care Y/N. We’re doing this right, I’ve fucked this up too many times.”

“I guess 6 weeks isn’t too long… right?”

WRONG.

Four Weeks Later

The two of you had come in leaps and bounds in your communication and you were striving towards a healthy relationship.

Hell, the two of you had been on about five PG-13 dates. Sure, it was slowly killing you, the lack of physical contact below the belt, but the two of you were getting to know each other as a romantic partner instead of a best friend that occasionally rides him in his truck.

It was good, going back over the steps the two of you had missed. Your injured vagina was allowing you to take it slow, something you and Benny sorely needed the second time round.

Though, it was still Benny. So he constantly teetered on the edge of gentlemanly courtship as he caressed the meat of your thigh as the two of you sat closely in a booth; and you loved it. 

All in all, it was kinda perfect.

So it was fitting that your perfect life shattered around you on a random Saturday morning.

“Sure Jaz, I’ll meet you at 11…. Okay, see you soon.” You heard from the man currently cradling your daughter in his arms as he gave her a bottle.

God, you wished you had more faith in your shiny new relationship, that you didn’t immediately jump to anger. 

Alas, rage was an old ally and you leapt into his eagerly awaiting arms. 

Every single doubt and unfair suspicion raised to your tongue as he turned to face you. He fixed you with an easy smile, clearly none-the wiser about the eye of the storm he was currently wandering into.

“Ben... I’ve gotta’ ask. It's been weighing on me for months… but who the fuck is Jaz?”

He blanched, his eyes looking down to your daughter as if she at 4 weeks old was capable of critical thinking. It clearly wasn’t what he was expecting when it left your mouth. He looked… somewhere between embarrassed and guilty.

It was then your eye caught the bottles that hadn’t been rinsed. They were abandoned on the marble, left to sour. That all but sealed his fate.

Sure, if you weren’t actively plotting his and his secret girlfriend's demise, you may not have overreacted. But in that solitary, ugly moment, that basic lack of regard he held for you and your relationship was encapsulated by his inability to complete the singular god forsaken chore that was his. 

The guy didn’t have a chance to respond before you were at the sink filling the washing up bowl with foamy water. The aroma of sour milk as you unscrewed the bottle lids only served to stoke your fires as you all but threw the stinking bottles in the water, splashing yourself with suds as you did.

“Do I have to do everything?!” 

“Y/N…”

“Sometimes, Ben…” 

“What the fuck - can we just rewind or can you explain what exactly it is you think i’ve done?!” He is incredulous as he places your daughter in her soothing swing chair, his arms now raising in surrender. 

“You need me to explain?” You huff, stoney in disbelief at his gall. 

“For god sake Y/N… leave them, I’m gonna get to them after this one.”

“Yeah, well. I’ve learnt not to believe you when you say things and do the complete opposite…”

“Do the complete opposite?” You heard clear as day the anger building in his voice. “If you wanna say something, then fucking say it!”

“FINE! I’ll say it! “ You slammed the last bottle in the bowl and turned round, wiping your hands on a tea towel as you fixed your gaze on him. “I thought you were happy taking it slow, I thought you wanted to be with me. But no, Jaz. AGAIN..”

He let out a light laugh, one that held no humor. “Christ sakes, Y/N - Jaz is a client! - I’m a fuckin’ personal trainer!”

“SHE’S- Oh-”

“Yeah - Oh.” His arms were crossed across his chest and his eyes had hardened.

“I - I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“To go from a soldier, to a fighter, to a glorified crossfit instructor …  just a little humiliating, Y/N.” His voice was flat and dejected as he spoke. 

At that moment, you were utterly ashamed.

“Ben… I am so -”

“Yeah. You’re sorry. But that's the thing, no matter how much I apologize or tell you how I feel about you, it's never enough. Y/N why are we even bothering when you clearly still don’t trust me.”

“Ben, I-”

“No, Y/N. It's not fair. I’ve been a good Dad and to be completely honest I’ve been a pretty stellar boyfriend, and yet all I get from you is fuckin’ accusations!” 

You hadn’t seen Benny this angry outside of the of the ring in a long fucking time. Yet you weren’t afraid of him as he came to stand before you, you knew Ben.  

“I can’t do this. Not if you’re gonna hold on to every doubt you have about me and whip them out every time I do something to piss you off, I’m not perfect Y/N.”

“I’m trying… Ben it’s not-”

“No. Listen, I told you. I told you how hard this was for me.” He stood before you, his shoulders sagged in defeat as his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I fucking poured my heart out to you, baby. I only want you and if you can’t trust that, then this isn’t going to work out and we need to stop and just be parents, because I’m not gonna live my life like this - instantly guilty for whatever shit your head dreams up for me.” 

He picked up his cap from the dining room table and bent down to place a kiss on your sleeping daughter's forehead before he swiped his hair back from his face and placed the cap on top.  Your fingers were aching from the grip you had on the counter.

“Well, I'm going to have some adulterous sex with my side piece Jasmine. Then I might swing by Flanagan’s on my way home for a threesome with an old flame. Who knows might make it a goddamn foursome!” Benny strolled out, he didn’t slam a single door. Always conscientious of the baby.

Goddamn you felt like shit.

It was hard to admit that you were wrong. 

All joking aside, you weren’t used to it. You never went into battle half cocked, which meant all arguments were mentally vetted before you championed a cause. But no matter how you sliced it, this time you were unequivocally wrong.

You had come at him with such anger. God, you should’ve just calmly asked him who Jasmine was. Why did you automatically assume the worst?

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda - Didn’t do any good now.

Simply put, you had been a dick, to a man who had been nothing short of amazing to you. 

It was as you stood frozen leaning against the counter top that you began to realize you’d never fully forgiven Ben for what happened a year ago. The toll that had taken on your self worth and your confidence.

It wasn’t his fault, not really. You had promised yourself when starting this back up you’d forgive everything from the past, but you supposed that was hard when he’d never really apologized. 

That was petty, you reasoned.  

You knew he was sorry. 

The two of you had jumped straight back into dating, deciding to try and have the perfect romance without the deep connection which came from talking through the nitty gritty. All because the truth of the matter was; feelings made you both uncomfortable.

So you avoided talking about them at all costs, hell you'd been in active labour before you'd been able to bare your soul to him.

So, how could you be so surprised when it bubbled up in these ugly ways?

Deciding to resolve these difficult thoughts with Benny when or if he returned, eased the ache within yourself a tiny bit.   

Placing the baby monitor beside your sleeping daughter you decided to prepare yourself for that conversation. 

You made it through one life affirming shower and half of your skincare routine before her wails demanded your presence. 

“Mommy’s coming baby.” You spoke through the monitor using it as a walkie talkie. It was hard not to flash back to your service days as you used it. You were half way down the stairs reminiscing on the good ole days when you weren’t a complete asshole, when you heard a male voice whispering to Tee on the monitor. 

It was instinctual; you didn’t even think, you just moved, taking the stairs two at a time, stopping only to grab a weapon or, as it is more commonly known as, a broom.  

“GET AWAY FROM HER ASSHOLE.” You wielded the broom like a hockey stick ready to swing on the assailant. As you rounded the corner and were stupefied to find Benny there with your daughter, his eyes wide as you entered the room ready to assault him.

“Y/N?!”

“BENNY. OH MY CHRIST. I thought - “ In a single moment you instantly drop the broom and grab your baby from his arms, planting kisses all over her face and head. 

“Oh my god, you scared mommy, Tee. Yes you did. My heart, oh fucking christ. I didn’t expect you back.”

“What can I say - I didn't fancy the orgy today.”

“Daddy’s very funny, Sienna.”

“Sienna… Sienna Miller?” Benny narrows his eyes over the top of his Starbucks takeout cup.  

“Veto.” You both say in unison despite your argument. 

Tee whined in your arms, amping up for a wail.

“She didn’t finish her bottle before she fell asleep earlier.” Ben pointed out to the half empty bottle waiting to be washed up. Your stomach dropped at the mere sight of the cause of your hissy fit earlier.

“Are you hungry, beautiful girl?” You crooned to your baby after a pause. Adjusting the robe you had thrown on after your shower. “I’ll feed her and then we can talk?”

He nodded, his face giving nothing away. It was strange to be stonewalled by Ben. Usually every thought that crossed his mind was mirrored on his face. 

Taking a seat in the love chair you’d set up in the lounge for this exact purpose you exposed your breast. You had been doing a half breast half formula feeding pattern so that Ben could pitch in.

She latched on quickly, but never as quickly as she did the bottle. A tiny part of you was disappointed, as you’d always had images of breastfeeding your child. But with a low milk supply you’d had little option but to supplement with bottles, but beyond the bonding aspect you had no qualms with the bottle.

Tee was slowly falling asleep as she drank and after about five minutes she was gone to the world. 

Feeling guilty all while, you held her to your chest after rearranging your robe. You should be speaking to Benny about your regrettable words earlier and yet you couldn’t force your legs to move. Telling someone you had been a complete dick wasn’t a fun thing to do.

So it made sense after about ten minutes of hiding that Benny appeared with the moses basket in toe for your sleeping angel. 

You nodded thankfully and silently you handed her off to him, making sure that your entire chest was covered. 

He placed her in the far corner of the room, far enough away that your voices - if they were kept below a shout - wouldn’t wake her.

He took a seat to your right, there was about a meter between you. It was all so stiff, like a business meeting as you each waited for the other to speak. 

“So.” He muttered avoiding eye contact.

“I’ll start. I’m sorry Ben. You didn’t deserve that.” His eyes rose to meet yours. “I want this to work. I meant it, I want to leave it all behind and I thought I could - just forget everything, I mean. But I can’t. I think, well, I think we need to talk about it.”

“Y/N-”

“No, Ben, please. I’ve thought about this for like twenty minutes in the shower.” You left your seat to sit beside him. “I know you don’t like… feelings. I don’t either, it's awkward. But, I need to get through this to get over it, y’know?” 

“I think I do.” He nodded.  You took his hand in yours. 

“I’m not making excuses, I’m sorry I lost my shit this morning. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. When I heard her name, I was right back there. Pregnant and alone and just completely unsure about everything; infatuated with a guy who I didn’t think felt the same. It was terrifying … And I’ve never told you that. It messed with my head everything that happened last year.”

“Right back where?... When you heard her name?”

“At the baby shower.”

“Oh Y/N, you should've asked!”

“Why? We weren’t together.”

“I started as a PT about a month after Christmas. After I found out and the hospital - It's a hell of a lot safer and the pay’s more steady. I’m still training with Will but the fights are gonna’ be … fewer. I wanna be around.” His hand clutched in yours tightened his thumb on your fingers forcing you to look up.

“You’re such a good Dad. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t” Your hand rose to his face. 

“I am so sorry. I haven’t said it have I? But I am. That night you told me you wanted more and I shut you down, I broke your heart. I don’t want anyone else, only you. I need you to hear me.”

“I do Ben, I do.”

“No, Y/N. I want you to be my wife, I want you to have more of my babies. You’re the only one for me, I think of you when I wake up, before I go to sleep - there hasn’t been a day in the past ten years I haven’t thought about you. I will never hurt you like that again, I fucking promise you.”

Tears sprung to your eyes as your heart began to heal, it felt so full as you sat beside him basking in his words.

“I fucking dig you Benny.” You grabbed his cheeks pulling him into a kiss. It started off lighter before it began to deepen. 

Teasingly you flicked your tongue against his gaining access, biting his lip you pulled yourself onto his lap to get a better angle on your exploration of his mouth. Through his jeans you felt him begin to swell as he pressed against the linen of your robe. 

It had only been three weeks, but you were desperate for him to be inside you. Compromise was the name of the game.  

He pulled away from your mouth, which you were fine with, you knew the words about to leave his lips. Which is why you decided to be persuasive as you trailed kisses down his neck. 

“Baby, no, you’ve only just had a baby, c’mon.”

Smothering kisses against his warm skin, he smelled deliciously of the Calvin Klein aftershave he always spritzed on before leaving the house. You moved your hips against his, which prompted him to grab them. His large hands splayed across your ass, holding you still as he attempted to maintain some semblance of self control.

“You can’t go inside, but we can still have fun.” You whispered into his neck. “Besides, you’re the injured party, I have an apology to make.”

“Well…” He moaned as you playfully bit at his warm flesh “You were mean as hell, baby.”

With Benjamin's help you shrugged the linen dressing gown from your shoulders. Instantly you were completely exposed before him.  His eyes zeroed in on your swollen breasts, sure he’d seen them in passing but never so freely exposed and at eye level. 

Hands gentle as always rose to cup them. Those gorgeous fingers skirted around your nipples making your hips rut down against his hardened member. 

“Sensitive.” You explained before he placed kisses on them. He kissed along the underside of your breast before lathering his tongue around your nipples. His gaze lowered and his palms skirted along your sides before they landed on your ass. 

You couldn’t help your self consciousness, the last time this man had seen you naked you’d been a size Y/S. Now you had some fresh stretch marks and a stomach still swollen from your child. 

However, all your self consciousness went out the window the second he squeezed at the meat there and pulled you down against his jeans, his hips thrusted up in time, almost unintentionally. 

The fabric was causing some delicious friction against your clit, yet you wanted more. 

“Is this okay, you’re not in pain?” He asked resting his forehead against yours.

You kissed his lips as you held onto his jaw.

“No. I want more.”

“You can’t have more, your sweet pussy needs more time before I ruin it.” He smirked before claiming your mouth with his tongue, putting all his filthy promises behind it.

“No, but you can.” You leaned backwards and began to undo his zipper. His hands came up to stop you before he remembered your words from earlier. 

Finally, you set him free. He was bigger than you remembered, straining up against Ben’s belly. You couldn't resist as you rubbed your bare heat against him. You were sopping as his cock came away wet. 

Benny groaned, one hand squeezing the meat of your ass and the other staying firmly on your hip, just in case you tried something. You grabbed his chin, joining your mouths in a deep kiss, once more you dropped your hips, your clit bumping against the head of his cock in the most delicious way before you slid along his shaft. 

Once again he groaned, this time into your mouth which you greedily swallowed up. Playfully you bit at his lip, touching your tongue once more to his just to give him a preview of how talented it could be.  

He began to help you as he pushed his jeans further down his thighs frantically as you moved off of his lap and fell onto your knees between his legs. 

Your mouth watered as you stared at his pulsing cock, now covered in your own wetness.  You couldn’t help a smirk as his head dropped back on the couch as he tried to give you space to work. 

Slowly, playfully almost, you stroked his length and you couldn't help a small smirk as his hips thrusted into your palm.  Right where you wanted him, he was fighting a losing battle of control.

With no warning you leaned down and swiped your quick tongue along the head of his cock. If the groans had added to the flood below the belt, the broken call of your name had you practically gushing. 

Leaning forward to get a better vantage, you sneakily pressed your heel into your clit. It alleviated some of the pressure but nowhere near enough. 

All at once you took his length into your mouth, his cry was absolutely gorgeous as he grabbed at his own thigh. 

Your tongue lathered the veins that hid on the underside of his cock. It was wet and messy and he was quickly falling apart in your mouth. 

He was fighting the urge to fuck your mouth as he gripped at his thighs in solidarity, you wanted him to bruise the back of your throat with his thrusts.

You reached up and grabbed his hand, currently grabbing at his thigh and placed it into your hair. It was an open invitation, to let himself go. To stop being so polite and sorry, to go back to fucking you the way he used to.

It was an invited he RSVP’ed immediately.  His hands immediately began guiding your face up and down his cock, pushing your face down so that the head of his dick nudged the back of your throat. 

Your gag constricted around his cock which made his head roll back in pleasure.  His hand loosened its hold on your hair, almost asking permission. 

With a roll off your eyes you dropped your head harder than he had, his cock was practically in your esophagus, but it showed him you could take it. 

“Yes, baby. Fuck - you suck cock so good.”   

Unable to help it you grinded against your heel, desperate for the sweet relief of his touch, but unable to receive it.

You noticed the pressure building as his stomach began taut as he continued fucking your face. 

Taking back control, your hands found his balls and rolled them between your fingers caused him to groan as that pressure increased.

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna-” His cry was all you needed as you as you took his entire length in your mouth. You fought the urge to gag as you reminded yourself to breathe through your nose. His come spurted hotly down your throat as you swallowed every damn drop of it. 

@sixshooter665 @queenie-b- @rambling-in-purple @anaaaispunk

 @miraclesabound @kravitzwhorehore @ahsokathearcher @xoxabs88xox @heresathreebee @psychadelichues @marauderskeeper @tanzthompsonn @mermaidxatxheart

[highqueenofelfhame]

a/n: okay so chapter three of this might be up before ten of ciwyw simply because i'm excited about it and it's already like halfway done. i'm sorry if this is disappointing news BUT i promise it's a really really good chapter with delicious content. love u, thank you for reading <3

rowaelin // 5.6k words // skoh masterlist // masterlist

“I wish I could tell you guys about this bullshit, but it’s fucking classified,” Aelin hissed into the cell phone she had sandwiched between her ear and shoulder. To their credit, Elide and Lysandra tried to disguise their laughter on the other end, but it came back muffled all the same. The two were drunk on a beach somewhere in Ellywe, and it showed.

 Everyone knew that Aelin joining the Cadre would be a disaster one way or another. When the idea was proposed to her, she turned it down. Three different times. The bad blood with Rowan flowed so deep that she didn’t care about an increase in pay or the less boring missions that came along with it. Truthfully, she would rather be lost in the Staghorns somewhere with Aedion’s unit or back in the desert with the one that showed up to take over for the Cadre. 

 Yet when Darrow approached her with the idea a fourth time, stressing how much they needed an extra person, she caved. The claims that she was the only person fit for the job had gone to her head a little bit, and it was biting her in the ass. He had even brought in her Uncle Gavriel to talk to her about going. The bastard knew that it would sway her, and it had worked. Now that this mission required them to be married, she was pretty sure it had been in the works for a little longer than they knew, and convincing Aelin to join them was the final piece of the puzzle. 

 Currently, she was quickly washing her hands in a bathroom at the Rifthold International Airport. The flight had been sixteen hours, and she was desperate for a bath that didn’t require body wipes to make her smell decent. The boys were probably waiting for her, but she didn’t care. Rare was it that she could use her personal phone to call her friends, and godsdammit, she was going to take advantage.

 “Is he still an ass?” Lysandra asked as Aelin ripped a few paper towels from the dispenser to dry her hands.

 “Of course he is. He has the nerve to act like he’s the one that was scorned! As if I didn’t fight tooth and nail for our relationship to work until the physical and emotional distance was too much to deal with.” She huffed as she poked her bags with her boot, fingers pulling her braid over her shoulder just to have something to do with her hands.

“I mean, you have to come to some sort of truce to make it work,” Elide piped in, crunching sounds filling the space between words while she snacked. 

 “I know. Gods, I know. It’s just harder than I thought it would be.” Aelin sighed, her chest decompressing as several women scurried into and out of stalls around her. “I should go.”

 “Where are you, anyway?” Lys asked.

 “I can’t say, but I can allude that I’m closer to home.”

 “Can you get a normal job? You coming on vacations would be fun.” Elide’s sad-drunk tendencies were starting to peek through, making Aelin smile.

“If Rowan doesn’t kill me first, I might end my active-duty career as soon as possible after this shit is done.” It was only half a joke. Being this close to Rowan was already far more taxing than she imagined. If anything, she thought they might ignore each other and carry on with their jobs like responsible adults. Sure, she knew her old wounds were tender at best, but the explosive tension was slightly unexpected. 

 The three muttered their goodbyes as she hefted her bags onto her shoulders and filed out of the bathroom, immediately spotting Lorcan and Rowan’s heads towering over everyone else near the exit to baggage claim. Aelin forced her shoulders back and stood straight as she could. 

 Approaching Rowan was a battle of its own sort. She had to be ready for a fight constantly. There was just no way of telling if she was walking straight into the line of fire or not.

 ~*~

 The house they would be living in was beautiful. It was a large estate sitting on the cleaner side of the Avery River, nestled back in a little grove of oak trees. A large iron gate kept any outsiders from easily getting onto the property, but it was so far off any main road that they didn’t anticipate trespassers being much of a problem. 

 Not that it really mattered– every inch of the land surrounding the house was under twenty-four-seven surveillance that they could watch from inside. The day before, a tech team had come in to set up all the equipment they would need for quick and secure communication with their superiors. Though the equipment they used was always the best the Terrasen government had to offer, it was always a little more fun to use when stationed in a big city. 

 Though the house had six bedrooms, they quickly learned during the initial walk-through that three were being used for mission-related activities. One room comprised a large desk and about a dozen monitors for surveillance; another had enough desk space for all six of them with room to spare, and the third was primarily for communication. It was filled with phones and computers connected to a highly secure network that, in theory, was breach-proof. 

 That left three rooms for the six of them to divvy into, and Aelin tried to cut the corners of arguing with who was sleeping where by quickly voicing her own option. 

 “I’ll room with Fenrys. Lorcan and Rowan can share and–”

“No.” Rowan’s response was immediate and flat. A single eyebrow quirked up as she slowly pivoted on one heel to look at him. His eyes, however, were on Fenrys. It had been years, and apparently, their casual affection was still grating on his nerves like soft cheese. 

“No?” She questioned, arms folding over her chest. Rowan slid his gaze to her face as the others took a few casual steps away as if they would rather be anywhere but in the middle of their divorced parent’s fight.

“No.” The word was harder, more final this time. 

“Fine, you and me then?” She threw a hand in the air for sarcastic flair and laughed sardonically.  Surely he would drop his weapons and retreat with arms raised, but he didn’t. It surprised everyone in the room, herself more than the rest. 

“Fine.” Shock washed over her in a static wave, running across her body like an electrical current. Everything buzzed from her fingers to her toes as he told no one in particular, “We get the master.”

Nobody was going to disagree with his claim. The two of them needed as much space between them as possible. With all the tension and white-hot energy, they could hardly share a room for meetings, much less a bed. Mala must have boiled his brain to sludge during their stay in the desert. He clearly wasn’t thinking things through.

She was further surprised when he yanked both their bags off the floor where they’d dumped them upon entry and headed toward the north wing of the house. Aelin glanced at Lorcan, hoping he would have something to say on the matter, but he shrugged and grabbed his own bags, shouting that Vaughan was with him as he did. Fenrys, at least, looked as confused as she felt.

 “Have fun with… whatever the fuck that was,” Connall told her, the three remaining men collecting their bags from the floor. 

“You really put your foot in your mouth this time, didn’t you, babe?” Fen drawled, ruffling her hair and following his brother.

“You’re all traitors!” She called as they dispersed, leaving her to begrudgingly march toward the room Rowan had claimed for them. Their low chuckles followed her down the hall, and she was pretty fucking sure she even heard Lorcan laughing with them. 

 When she reached the master bedroom, she was pleasantly surprised at the size of it. A king-size bed was centered against one wall, each side with its own lamps and nightstands. The large bay window on the right side had a bench perfect for reading in if she ever found herself with downtime. There were two doors to the left of the bed. One led to a large bathroom with a shower and a huge bathtub that she would most definitely be soaking in soon. The other was a walk-in closet that rivaled the one she had at home. 

 It was also where she found Rowan.

 Each side of the closet had plenty of drawers and space for hanging clothes and a dozen or so cubbies scattered about. Rowan stood to one side, unpacking his clothes and placing them into drawers. She pretended she didn’t notice that he had chosen the left side– the same as when they lived together.

 Aelin followed suit, kneeling on the floor by her bag and dividing things amongst her drawers. Since they were in need of civilian attire for the mission, she would be going out to purchase new things sometime tomorrow before the real work began. For now, she just wanted a shower and a nap. 

Rowan had slipped out moments before she was finished. Once satisfied with her portion of the closet, she entered the bedroom to find him peering through the curtains, eyes scanning the backyard. He didn’t seem to notice her, or if he did, he chose to say nothing. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around her body and steeled herself for another fight.

 “Is it okay if I shower first?”

 “Yep.” His fingers released the curtain, and it slipped shut, the sheer fabric not doing much to shield them from the outside world. Aelin made a mental note to get some blackout curtains tomorrow, both for safety and to keep the early morning sun out when she had the luxury of sleeping past five am. 

 “Are you sure?” For once, she wasn’t pushing to get on his nerves. If he wanted the bathroom to himself first, she would allow it if it meant no verbal sparring.

 “I already said yes, Aelin.” The edge of his words was sharp and short as a brand-new dagger. So much for not fighting.

 “You don’t get to do this.” She blurted, fingers gripping her shirt tightly.

 “I don’t get to do what, exactly?” Rowan looked at her then, eyebrows slightly raised and shoulders tense. At his sides, his hands were rolling up into fists. 

“Be pissy about our sleeping arrangements when you’re the one that booted out my perfectly good option.”

 “You were doing it to fuck with me, and I’m not giving you the satisfaction,” he said calmly, taking up a casual fighting stance: feet shoulder-width apart, arms folded over his chest, muscles coiled and ready to strike.

 “I was doing it because I highly doubt the other three would want to catch me in any state of undress accidentally, and only me and Connall can handle Fenrys full time,” she shot back. Her fingernails dug into the skin beneath her shirt like they would sew her up if she fell apart. The tendons in Rowan’s neck were visible, hard lines. If she were closer, she would probably be able to see his pulse pounding against his skin.  “I don’t know why you think I’m just here to fuck up your life. I didn’t even want this job to begin with.”

 Hating that she was the first to retreat, she walked to the closet to gather what she would need for her shower. Footsteps followed her, stopping in the doorway as Rowan asked, “What is that supposed to mean?”

 “Which part?” Aelin plucked a pair of boring cotton underwear from the drawer. 

“That you didn’t want this job.” Selecting a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, she turned to face him with her facial expression calling him ten kinds of stupid.

“It means that I didn’t want this fucking job.” Maybe she drew out every word a little more slowly on purpose to needle beneath his skin. The feathering of his jaw said it worked.

“I understood that part.” He sounded frustrated, his fingernails white where they pressed into his biceps. “You didn’t ask for the transfer?”

 “I turned it down three times. In the last few weeks, Darrow was up my ass about it. Even had Uncle Gav try to convince me, so I caved. Did you think I asked for this to come rain a special kind of hell down on your head?” 

“I wouldn’t put past you,” he retorted, and something in her broke. Just a little bit. 

“Contrary to whatever bullshit you’ve made up about me to craft me into your villain, I was perfectly content to never see you again. I don’t want to work with you, I don’t want to share a single molecule of oxygen with you, and I don’t want to constantly be ready to fight with you at the drop of a hat. This isn’t what I wanted for my career or my personal life. I’m here because I took an oath to protect my country, and despite my multiple refusals, they wanted me here with this unit.” Aelin shoved past him, her shoulder ramming into his arms as she did. “Do us both a favor and get over yourself, Rowan. This self-centered bullshit is exactly why I fucking left you.”

Though she hadn’t meant to be quite so dramatic, the bathroom door slammed in his face when she closed it. The sickly feeling of guilt washed over her at the look on his face. That last hateful sentence wasn’t even supposed to be said out loud. Did she even mean it?

Aelin didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she finally heard his footsteps retreat from the room and a heavy exhale whooshed from her lungs.

~*~

“Aelin, I–” His hands reached for her, but she smacked them away hard enough that it stung his palms.

 “No, no, no. I told you a thousand times if you took another deployment, I was done. And there is just no–” Aelin let out a gasping sob, one hand on her heart and the other wrapped around her torso. Unable to stop himself, he tried to pull her to him. If he could just calm her down, it would be okay.

Before his fingers could even graze her skin, she stumbled backward. A gust of wind had rain blowing at him from behind. He wasn’t sure if his face was wet with tears from his eyes or the sky. 

 “Baby–” The back of Aelin’s wrist pressed to her mouth and did nothing to muffle the sob. Knowing he was the source of her pain had him wishing for a lightning strike. 

 “There is no coming back from this.” The words were almost carried away in the storm. Not once had he ever heard her speak so softly, so broken. Tears streamed down her cheeks and neck, soaking the collar of her t-shirt while she shook her head and pointed for him to leave with a shaky finger. Her other hand was still pushing her heart back into her chest. “There is no coming back.”

The front door slammed in his face and triggered a final fissure in his heart that had his heart and soul shattering into a million jagged pieces on the rain-soaked ground. 

A firm hand on his shoulder made him jerk forward, twisting on his heel. A soldier through and through, he started to go on the defensive. Just as he reached for his attacker, he realized it was Lorcan and dropped his hands, shaking his head to clear his mind of the memory.

 Lorcan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion as he said, “I said your name twice.” 

 “Sorry. What’s up?” Rowan hadn’t meant to be so wrapped up in his thoughts as he stood on the back porch. A mirror image of the gloomy gray sky reflected on the surface of the swimming pool. The sound of the door slamming in his face still echoed in his ears, but he didn’t know if it was the past or present that haunted him. Probably both. 

 “I want to go over what needs to be done this week,” Lorcan told him, nodding toward the house. Through the windows, he could see everyone lounging on the couches and chairs that made up the formal living room. Each of them held a folder; Aelin’s was in her lap, where she curled up in the corner of the couch. Deft fingers twined her damp hair into a braid over her shoulder. Lorcan’s eyes followed his gaze as he braced his hands on his hips. “Do you need to talk about it before we go in?” 

“I don’t know what there is to say.”

 “Look, I am by no means any sort of authority on relationships, but the fact that you two can barely be in the same room without starting a fight shows how deep it all goes. You sure as fuck aren’t over it–” Lorcan gave him a stern look when he opened his mouth to object, then continued, “And neither is she. You can both act like you don’t care, but you do. At some point, an olive branch needs to be extended one way or the other. Otherwise, it will stack up to messy mistakes in the field and you’ll both drag everyone else down with you. I can’t allow that. So find a truce. Wave your white flag if you fucking have to. Talk about it. Fuck it out. I don’t care. But don’t let it compromise the job.” 

 Rowan nodded, hands sliding into his pockets as he took a deep breath. All of those things were easier said than done. If they were ever going to talk it out, they would both have to come to some peace with the past and present. Right now, he wasn’t sure how to do that. His behavior had clearly torn into her with a jagged blade, the same way her leaving him did. Both had raw, gaping wounds that were still bloody from the battle. The time apart had done nothing to heal either of them. If anything, it made it worse. 

 There wasn’t ever supposed to be so much distance, time, or emotion stretched between them, to begin with. Rowan could strut around like he didn’t care all he wanted to, but he did care. Looking at her made it hard to breathe. 

 “Did you ever, at any point in your relationship, tell her about what happened to Lyria?” Lorcan asked, just as Rowan took a step toward the house. His teeth snapped together so hard that it hurt, narrowly missing a bite of his tongue. “Maybe start there.”

“I don’t think it would matter at this point.”

 “Not that I don’t think she’s a swaggering asshole ninety-nine percent of the time or anything–” Rowan snorted, looking back at Aelin through the window. She was looking back. “– But she isn’t a bitch. Not all the time, anyway.”

 Part of him wanted to throttle Lorcan for talking about her that way, but their personalities had always been mixing oil and water. Even still, Lorcan would never hold his personal relationship against her. She was far too good of an asset. 

 “Can I ask something of you?” Rowan inquired, restlessly scratching the back of his neck. His eyes didn’t leave Aelin’s, and she tilted her head curiously. Almost as if, despite their fight, she was trying to inquire if he was okay. 

 “Of course.” Rowan sidestepped out of view, not wanting her to read his lips as he looked at his commander. Lorcan leaned against the table that decorated the patio, an open and caring demeanor slipping into place. 

“If anything on this mission goes sideways, if it ever comes down to a split second when it has to be her or me… I don’t care if it’s a temporary thing where you come back for me later or we’re both bleeding out somewhere, whatever the situation is. If shit goes down and it’s her or me, you take her.” Green eyes bore fiercely into onyx ones. Lorcan’s eyes widened in surprise and something that looked a little like fear.  

“Rowan…” He wasn’t one to leave a man behind, but Rowan knew all too well that sometimes it became a necessary call to make. When forced with a split-second decision about who lived or died, the luxury of time to juggle your choices didn’t always exist. This oath would take the struggle out of it. 

 “Promise me that you will get her out first.” He hated the way his voice cracked like the fissures in his heart. Hated that he was prepared to fall to his knees and beg if it might save her life at any point in the future. Yet he knew that he would if Lorcan refused. The bad terms he and Aelin were on didn’t matter. Rowan would never forgive himself or his comrades if he woke up and something had happened to her. “Promise me, Lorcan.”

 He wished he could tell himself it was for selfish reasons. That he was asking to clear his conscience should it ever become a reality. Deep down, he knew it had nothing to do with that, though. It had nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with her and the wildfire of unresolved feelings that haunted his waking and sleeping hours. 

 Rowan tried to get over her. Attempting to lose himself through sex with other women had been a fruitless endeavor. No amount of boiling showers had made him feel clean, like any level of intimacy with someone that wasn’t Aelin left behind an oily residue he couldn’t wash away. After the third time, he quit trying. It felt too much like cheating on her, like betraying her, even if she had been the one to leave him. 

 He had followed her career over the last two and a half years. Though she had passed on another deployment when she thought he would too, months after the breakup, he heard she was back in it. Lorcan had passed him details of her missions, and Rowan had a mental list of every injury she had ever received. Nothing had been remotely close to life-threatening, but he felt every one of those wounds like they’d happened to him. It had been difficult not to follow up with her directly to see if she was okay, but she was better off without him. Of that, he was certain. 

Being part of the same unit, he would do whatever he could to protect her. It hadn’t surprised Lorcan when Rowan declared he would always choose her first the morning she arrived. The commander made him swear that it wouldn’t compromise any missions, and it wouldn’t. But for Rowan, if the choice were anyone else or Aelin, he would save Aelin first. Now he needed to be sure someone else would choose her over him. 

“Okay. I promise,” Lorcan finally swore, his eyes saying that he hoped for all the world it never came down to it.

When they made their way inside, there were two seats available. One was smack dab between Aelin and Fenrys; the other was an overstuffed chair near the window. Rowan knew for a fact that the two blondes had been sitting side by side moments earlier and knew that one or both of them had done this on purpose. They lived in a constant state of scheming and had been driving Rowan insane from the moment their friendship began.

Lorcan hijacked the chair, which left Rowan to drop onto the sofa between Bonnie and Clyde. He swore the commander was fighting off his smirk while settling into the chair away from the drama. Bastards. All of them were bastards. It was starting to feel like everyone had been part of a private meeting on the best ways to drive Rowan insane with Aelin around. 

“Here,” Aelin said softly, nudging his arm with a folder. Nodding his thanks, he flipped it open and began skimming the pages while Lorcan got into what the next few days would look like. Every breath he took was more shallow than it needed to be, but he would lose his mind if he inhaled deep enough to smell her jasmine shampoo. 

He tried to focus on Lorcan’s words, but sitting beside Aelin was a distraction in itself. The promise their commander had just made soothed a small part of his chest, even if he thought she would throttle him if she ever found out about it. The woman beside him was more than capable of taking care of herself, yes, but Rowan needed that security blanket to fall back on if things went to hell.

 Aelin nudged him with her elbow, and he blinked, looking into her quizzical gaze. It was strange to find a hint of concern hidden behind the brilliant band of gold around her iris. With a shake of his head, he looked at the folder in his lap and tuned his ears to Lorcan’s voice. Right. Now was definitely not the time to think about this. 

 They would start by surveilling the notorious Glass Castle. It was imperative they find out how easily the outside guards could be distracted and bribed. While they had inside contacts close to the prince working with them under extremely delicate conditions, they needed to see if anyone was willing to waver. Finding the weak links could lead to it all being over before an assassination attempt began.

 The Prince’s closest and really only friend was his captain of the guard. Through their contacts, he agreed to work with them on the castle’s blueprints and help them however he could. If everything went smoothly, nobody would die, lose their jobs, or be accused of treason, and in the process, their president would be safe from the fallout.

“We need to take passport photos in the morning, and someone is coming by tomorrow afternoon to stage some pictures of our Duke and Duchess over here.” Rowan and Aelin’s heads both snapped up at neck-breaking speed.

“What?” Rowan said, eyes darting to Aelin. There was no way in hell she would be okay with this.

“All of the royals in Fenharrow have websites,” she answered for Lorcan. “Do I get to wear a pretty gown?”

“You’ll wear whatever shows up, and you won’t give anybody any shit about it,” was the commander’s flat response. Aelin’s smoldering gaze told him she would do as she pleased, but her eyes wandered back down to the pages in her lap. If the wardrobe weren’t to her taste, they would surely hear about it no matter what Lorcan said.

“Box dye is going to absolutely ruin our hair.” Rowan didn’t know anything about that. According to his passport, he had blonde hair and brown eyes. Curiosity got the better of him, and he leaned a little toward Aelin to see what hers said. With a flick of her wrist, it was turned toward him so he could see better. Red hair, green eyes. Rowan had a hard time imagining it.

“Are you going to complain the whole time?” Lorcan snapped. Aelin, to her credit, grinned.

 “Maybe. It’s fun getting under everyone’s skin so easily.” 

It felt like a jab with one of the daggers she favored. A quick stab into his back, the twist of the blade as it sunk deeper. Rowan sat up straight and tried to keep from crumpling the papers in his hands.

It might not be an outright bloody war, but every vaguely altruistic word that left her mouth made him tenser than any gunfight ever did.

 ~*~

A book lay open upon the pillow in her lap, eyes skimming the pages when Rowan soundlessly opened the door and slipped into their room. He was clearly hoping she would be asleep when he came to bed to avoid any awkward interactions or heated arguments. Aelin was too tired for anything beyond a few pulled punches tonight and closed her book. The t-shirt he wore was pulled over his head in a single, fluid motion, and he slipped between the sheets. After placing her nightly read on the bedside table, she snuggled under the blankets. Rowan was on his back staring at the fan when she turned her light off. Aelin lay on her side, facing him straight on.

“This is… weird,” he admitted as the air deflated from his lungs in a deep sigh.

“Sleeping together or, however fake it may be, being married to me when you never wanted it in the first place?” Aelin wasn’t sure why flames kept spewing out of her mouth every time they spoke. Closure was what she was after, yet she knew it wouldn’t come this way. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else.

“We aren’t doing this tonight, Aelin. I’m tired.” Rowan rolled onto his side, facing away from her, hand smacking at his pillow before he settled against it. 

Through the dim moonlight slipping through those sheer curtains, she could make out the scars on his back. Some she knew, others she didn’t. Without thinking, she reached out and touched one she didn’t recognize. Rowan’s inhale was sharp, shoulders expanding and muscles tightening beneath her fingers. As tense as he was, his body betrayed him in the form of goose flesh over his skin. 

“Rowan?” Aelin must have been imagining his jagged breaths. It sounded too much like shredding self-control to be real. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For today, I’m sorry.” Doused in a burning tension, she traced her fingers over another pale scar on his back. Tears pricked her eyes over the featherlight touches she made, at the emotion that welled up in her throat. This sort of casual intimacy used to be second nature. Aelin hated that her fingers craved to touch more of him, all of him. They never thought about touching before; they just always were. It had once been necessary, vital even. Now he was a coiled asp ready to strike, waiting for the fighting words she couldn’t find. 

“Okay,” he finally whispered back on an exhale. 

“I didn’t mean to slam the door, either. I know you won’t believe me, but I–”

“I do believe you.” Her throat was suddenly tight as she swallowed, dropping her hand from his back. Sometime soon, she would ask how he got those new markings. Maybe Fenrys would have the answers if her cowardice won over and she couldn’t ask him herself.

“Okay,” she parroted, the word muffled by the blanket as she pulled it up and tucked her face into it. 

Seconds stretched into minutes before he rolled onto his back, head turning to face her. With her eyes more adjusted to the dark, she could tell he was looking at her. They didn’t say anything, just took each other in. It was the first quiet moment they’d shared since her arrival. Somehow, the heaviness of this moment was far more abundant than the times they were yelling.

“Were you talking about me when you said it’s fun to get under our skin?”

“I’ve always liked getting under your skin,” she teased, but he didn’t smile. Aelin’s own faltered, mouth twisted to the side as she considered it. Yes, she had. “It is fun but… I didn’t mean it quite how it sounded. I haven’t been picking fights with you the last few days for shits and giggles. I’m sure you aren’t doing it for that reason either.”

It’s what she wanted to believe, anyway. Perhaps it made her naive, but she knew Rowan. Even if they hated each other, they didn’t like causing the other unnecessary pain.

 “Why are we fighting then?” The bald vulnerability he gave had her mouth parting in surprise. Of all the ways she saw this first night going, a calm discussion was nowhere on the list. Murder definitely was, but this? 

 “I don’t think we know how to be around each other like this,” she said slowly. “We had moments of bickering when we first met, sure, but…” 

The words she wanted to say would strip her a little more bare than she wanted to be, yet she wasn’t ready to let the moment go. Rowan saw her hesitation and waited patiently, eyes scanning her face as though he could sneak into her mind and steal the thoughts for himself. Tomorrow the fires would rage again but for tonight? Tonight she would settle close to the truth without laying it all at his feet.

“But?” Aelin sighed and shook her head.

“We’ve always been intense,” she shrugged a shoulder. “Now that we aren’t in love, I guess it’s just going to be in the form of verbal sparring and screaming matches. Maybe a few physical blows during training.”

Aelin averted her eyes, slipping her fingers out from beneath the blanket to inspect her nails. It probably looked as stupid as it felt, considering she could hardly see, but Rowan didn’t call her on it. Nor did he point out how unlike her it was to balk from a conversation, yet here she was, being a coward and avoiding his gaze. It was a half-truth wrapped up in a teasing taunt at best and clearly not the answer he sought.

It wasn’t fair that he still had her tied up in so many knots. For years she paraded around, pretending she was over it and it didn’t matter anymore. Not being in love with Rowan was one of the biggest lies she’d ever told, one she whispered to herself every time she found him looking at her. It was a foolish, stupid mask she wore to hide the pain of the ugly, bleeding truth of everything. 

Rowan handled it better than she did, and it hurt more than she would ever admit. 

@elentiyawhitethorn @autumnbabylon @fancysludgeshoelamp  @wordsafterhours @live-the-fangirl-life @the-hospitality-of-knives @tangledraysofsunshine @readandlisten @westofmoon @rowanaelinn  @morganofthewildfire @writtenonreceipts @feynightlight @emster1622-blog @scarblx @thefaetrove @loveyatopluto @actuallybarb @peppermint-fae @the-devils-own @scottmcgivemeacall @livingmylifeforme  @wordsafterhours @foreverfallingforthestars @llyncooljones @emily-gsh @loosesimplicity @emilyrose111294  @charlizeed @aelinchocolatelover @cretaceous-therapod @sayosdreams @fireheart-violet @the-regal-warrior @backtobl4ck @shyvioletcat @bellasbookboyfriends @icantfindmychashma @swankii-art-teacher

[esther-dot]

GRRM constantly remind us that Sansa’s breasts are growing and/or are “large” for her age, do you think there’s a reason for that or he’s just a tits man and a weirdo?

Y’all always have such nice things to say about this man. 😂

As much as we're all fans of his work and can offer lots of rationalizations, these questionable choices in his writing are mirrored with weird statements in interviews (link), so I'd say, no matter the explanations we have for specific lines, this is an area in which Martin has not earned our blind trust.

I'm all about “charitable readings”, I offer that to my anons, fellow bloggers, and of course, any author I encounter, so I will offer a bit of that below, but I thought @aegor-bamfsteel's post about the oversexualization of the girls was very good (link), and even when I offer a literary explanation for his choices (as I did here for Dany), that's not to minimize how disturbing I find them. I don't like it at all.

Now! There are a few things that are part of the explanation for this beyond being a boob guy.

Sometimes it's simply part of communicating that Sansa is growing

Sansa tried to hurry, but her fingers fumbled at buttons and knots. The Hound was always rough-tongued, but something in the way he had looked at her filled her with dread. Had Joffrey found out about her meetings with Ser Dontos? Please no, she thought as she brushed out her hair. Ser Dontos was her only hope. I have to look pretty, Joff likes me to look pretty, he's always liked me in this gown, this color. She smoothed the cloth down. The fabric was tight across her chest. (ACOK, Sansa III)

Sansa lifted her arm. She needed a new gown, that was true. She had grown three inches in the past year, and most of her old wardrobe had been ruined by the smoke when she'd tried to burn her mattress on the day of her first flowering "Your bosom will be as lovely as the queen's," the old woman said as she looped her string around Sansa's chest. "You should not hide it so." The comment made her blush. Yet the last time she'd gone riding, she could not lace her jerkin all the way to the top, and the stableboy gaped at her as he helped her mount. Sometimes she caught grown men looking at her chest as well, and some of her tunics were so tight she could scarce breathe in them. (ASOS, Sansa II)

Martin has mentioned talking to women about their first period and tried to incorporate that into writing Sansa's, so I'm sure he also knows how many of us experience unwanted attention around that age too. Therefore, I'm gonna assume to him, this is all part of the female experience and he included it for realism.

2. Sansa is surrounded by pervs. Not only do we have the above with randos, but from early on LF and the Hound sink their teeth in and then of course, Tyrion, and we have Joffrey ordering Sansa beaten/stripped, basically, we have a huge portion of her story just drowning in men who lust after her/molest her, demean her. So, we're gonna talk about her beauty (her body, her breasts…) as part of that. Now, I've suggested having so many adult men lust after her is overkill and a little variety in their perversions would have been a relief, but that was the choice and these are the results.

3. Stumpy has discussed how this is all foreshadowing for Sansa becoming a mother at a young age ie he’s emphasizing her physical maturity and rushing it a bit to prep for what is to come (AFFC Foreshadowing, ASOS Foreshadowing). So potentially, not needless perving, prepping for a future plot. That might horrify you as much or more than him just liking to write about boobs, but Martin has repeatedly stated his belief that in medieval times, as soon as you hit puberty you were eligible for marriage. Even with that belief, a different writer might be a little more…delicate, but Martin likes to lean into the physical reality of his story, it’s part of what makes it compelling, so the guy who writes shitting and vomiting and oddly unerotic sex scenes for the sake of immersion, getting descriptions of these poor girls may just be part of the ride.

4. Sansa is very clearly "the Maiden," (link) but we've had several chapters now where she is also getting “the mother” idea attached to her in a kinda, Virgin Mary reference. @minitafan explained that here, with her foil being Dany (here). That doesn't mean we need details about her breasts, but because of what she represents, a manifestation of peace, calm in the midst of battle, compassion for our enemies, it makes sense to me that Martin would opt to make her physically beautiful too (hence descriptions of her body). She is meant to be someone others are drawn to, even men who seem impervious. It's a bit of a funny little game in which Martin unravels Sansa's expectation that beauty=goodness, all the while showing us, Sansa is that beautiful, inside and out.

My conclusion about most things ASOIAF, its complicated, and I’d say, it’s probably a mixture of everything.

[caribbean-ace]

Alright so it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been here, life truly gets in the way and i feel that i’m going through the motions but finally after the buzz has settled i wanted to reflect a bit on Station 19 season 6.

I think we’re standing at a different place than we were by the end of season 5 and i believe that’s great. We went from that insanity -not in a good way- of season to something much much better. Few changes were made and it showed from the very beginning of season 6. To put it simply it was raw, by far the rawest season in terms of storyline, obviously because of what Maya went through, the repercutions it had on Carina and so on… Mental health was the overall arc for season 6 and honestly? I loved how it played out… Fair to say a LOT of people saw themselves in Carina and Maya which sparked the conversation -the very much needed conversation-

It was a rollercoaster but i’m glad we went through those moments because it lead to a healthier outcome instead of a quick fix it showed a more realistic side of a journey that can’t be taken lightly. On the other hand i wished they would’ve handled the Beckett story a bit better, by the end of it the writers made a good job by Vic checking up on him and just sparkling that conversation. I enjoyed the brief love triangle between Andy/Eli/Travis, it would have been funnier that they explored that angle deeper but i guess it turned out alright.

The expectations were so high when a female chief was announced but it turns out that it was just another love interest for a man, love to see it (please notice the sarcasm). While i don’t mind that Ross had history with Sullivan i kinda hated how her character just became the woman simping for the guy. They tried to redeem her a bit but it wasn’t enough. I would have LOVED that she actually made some changes within SFD to support women and actually make things better. Remember the storyline about fighting sexism? Yeah, me too. Anyways it was terrible that she was shamed for having a consensual relationship with another adult but it makes me grit my teeth the double standards: the whole you’re heroic for basically organizing a mutiny but when someone breaks protocol for saving a life that’s wrong or having a relationship with someone who outranks you but we’re totally ignoring that too, i get it, it’s for the sake of drama but certain things needs to make sense.

All that leads me to Andy being captain, we all saw it coming, there’s no way Maya was going to be captain again -at least not while being on 19- and while it should have been handled a bit better (the woman does have ambitions and putting a pause to pursue her dreams to heal does not mean she needs to abandon it) i think Andy deserved something a bit better, not just: alright you’re captain now. At least her first “shift” as captain was packed with action but still…

And that also brings me to Theo: at first he was like alright, laid back dude, gets the job done but the second he got promoted it’s like it flipped a switch on him especially being such an ass to Vic for absolutely no reason like ??? But at least she left him, i really liked how she pointed out that being happy for her friend does not mean she’s not supporting him (i wonder if that friendship also extends to Maya, after yk, call her a nasty person and do absolutely nothing to stand for her. Yes i will always be bitter about how everyone turned their backs on Maya).

Jack can’t seem to catch a break and God knows what’s gonna happen to him but at least he’s healthier and trying to stay out of other people’s relationships which i’m glad. I loved how Ben and Miranda where kinda there for Maya and Carina (i say kinda because it’s not like Maya had the greatest support out there but Ben did listen so that’s something. Also shout out to Diane, she’s incredible and i love whenever she appears)

Finally -because this is way too long lol- we know where we are standing in terms of Maya and Carina growing their family, for a solid minute i thought well, they are being ambiguous because it’s probably leading to that but no, it wasn’t. I wasn’t mad that they didn’t make Carina pregnant by the end of the season, if anything the scenes where they are discussing how many kids and stuff makes it so much more meaningful because Maya is obviously in such a better head space. Oh and just as a quick comment: Carina should have gone to therapy too, she needed to heal from that rocky period of time and it would have been cool to see her perspective, even if we saw sneak peaks with Vic, Miranda and Diane i believe sitting down and leading to a backstory would have been so much better.

If you got to this point i love you, i wanted to ramble a bit and finally found the moment to sit down and put this together (it’s a bit all over the place, just like my brain but bare with me). Catch you on season 7🤍

[inchidentally]

I've got a few asks that are all actually roughly under the same umbrella in terms of my replies - and be aware I've had to get way more serious then usual so pls skip if you're not here for that <3

mmmmm yea you can feel as you want anon but I personally am not going to want to parallel that relationship with Oscar and Lily's. my main cause when it comes to wives and girlfriends is that they all deserve to be protected against rampant, casual misogyny in fandom spaces. but also to not to project any reflected good will onto her boyfriend or husband simply because he's the boyfriend or husband. and there's so much about the 2000s drivers that makes me hope that at least some of their behavior isn't being carried on with the current younger guys on the grid :///

also just as a reminder: I was raised by intersectional feminists and I've witnessed what even supposedly "loving" het relationships can do to people who identify as women* - so I'm never going to be rooting for heterosexual relationships as far as women are concerned. I'm not overly prejudiced and I fully support any woman's choices for herself - and I don't have the smallest delusion that I have a right to an opinion on those choices <3 but equally I'm not going to lie to myself that women don't statistically always lose or sacrifice something of themselves when they become a partner to a man and that the man loses and sacrifices nothing - and if he makes the most basic effort he's praised as a god among men. especially not a man who's career has and will always take priority over his relationship and especially if the woman has to navigate or alter her life to deal with the man's profession, public image or his fanbase. I will always want women to pursue life on their own terms without men in any way dragging them down or altering their lives - that's just my opinion and it's fine if others disagree or hopefully project onto those relationships for any reason. so far, to me, the only driver's relationships that seem at all truly balanced and not negatively affecting or requiring compromises of the women that the man doesn't have to repay, are Lily and Alex and Melissa and Nando - and while I don't know much about them probably Tiffany and Valtteri. those women were already fully adults when they met these guys and would be able to leave the relationships whenever they want without having their own individual lives and incomes affected or altered in any way. I do not see any excuse for a woman to be in a relationship in any other way or with any further sacrifice and especially not because of a man, who will always enjoy economic and social power above hers.

*I know this is a whole unique point but as far as I'm concerned identifying as a woman is how I'm referring to women at any time. TERFs DNI.

-

ok so I've heavily edited these next two bc my blog is not the place to get into All That and I don't want to bring stress and negativity to moots

I think the funniest part of this rumor is how everyone's been asking for a screen recording of this and absolutely no one can produce anything other than one screencap of Rebecca at one brief time offering subscription content with no explanation for what - and that was something all models and influencers did for a while to make some money when a bunch of platforms screwed over their engagement. everyone's just running with this as if it's anyting and wtfff you're saying all she was offering were 'pictures of Carlos from the back' LIKE BFFR what are y'all even saying here ??? who was being robbed what crime was committed how is this even worth remembering ??? the reach being rought!!

but on the serious side, I'm gonna need all of you to sit yourselves in a quiet place and start taking this spontaneous and erratic morality that magically shows up when women are involved and start actually applying it to your pookie bears in F1. because not only does Carlos and the rest of the grid exploit the media, fans and sponsorships for cash, gifts, engagement and popularity - they also endorse and personally directly fund and engage with entire companies and individuals who actively perpetuate and uphold the absolute gutter of amorality and social iniquity that is the foundation of this whole sport !!

like here you guys are hunting for any tiny scrap of something to further the prejudice that these wives and girlfiends are not your ideas of Perfect Pure Sainted Angels - meanwhile you're looking at hugely problematic words and actions from your favorite driver and literally assuming that they've suddenly "had a change of heart" or are "better people now" based on ???? nothing ???? and THEN you start hoping that the girlfriend or wife is "good for him" or that she won't "be bad for him" I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind since when does a girl or woman over the age of 15 think that rich, powerful white men in hugely problematic fields of work are the ones being cruelly corrupted by the women they personally choose to date ??? if these men are shitheads then they did it all on their own babes !!

and I have to assume that even die hard Carlos fans on here are aware of how he's very much not perfect and that anyone sensible has to admit that unless he made the decision to publicly and loudly make a statement to the contrary then all of his opinions and affiliations are the same. you can absolutely compartmentalize these guys - we all do! - in order to like certain things about them or engage in content about them, but nobody should be out here so woman-hating as to take nothing of substance and use it to award these men virtues that have no foundation in reality. all while vilifying their wives and girlfriends over literally the smallest thing or making the most tenuous of connections to try and prove why they shouldn't be with your fave guy. or because while the men can fuck and cheat all they want, you've decided the women they date or marry have to conform to regressive ideas of female purity.

(just to clarify, the stuff I'm referring to "men" or "drivers" as doing is not specifically referring to Carlos or one man in particular but about the wider issue of double standards between drivers and their girlfriends and wives)

so a wife or gf of a man with an all-consuming career that involves her altering her life and plans to go all over the world just to be with him, decides to do exactly what he does and utilize a fanbase and popularity for gain? suddenly she's an evil conniving witch capable of manipulating and controlling poor widdle rich, white, powerful, influential man !! even though he dumps women and cheats on women whenever he wants and doesn't face a single bit of criticism for fans' perceptions of problems in his relationships but oh he's just a helpless hard-working victim who is nobly doing his dream job that his one percenter family and/or social status and/or race and gender made completely effortless for him and how DARE his wife or girlfriend get any of the financial benefit from a field of sports where women are so hated that even the most powerful woman is publicly accused by the highest authority in the sport of collusion based on nothing more than one gossip columnists lie !!

I could go so fucking far about how the women these men date and marry have been socially groomed from birth to be beautiful and silently supportive of their man and told they're not good enough or smart enough to succeed in a "serious" business environment - and that the drivers conveniently always end up with beautiful women who suffer at the hands of his fans who blame women for how men treat them all while he says nothing so as not to upset his base of support - then fuck it, let them all sell you people subscriptions for pictures of the drivers! let them scrape even a tiny fraction off the top of this imbalanced and unfair socioeconomic dynamic compared to the huge, unearned kickbacks and handshakes that make these men so effortlessly successful and rich. you can see those subscriptions as payment on your part for spreading rumors and hate about women and using double standards.

the rich famous man will NOT change his life to either fit your rpf ship - or to stay single so that you can continue your parasocial relationship with him uninterrupted - or choose a woman based on who you deem to be an appropriate self-insert. no matter how many rumors you believe or spread or how often you post content hating on his partner, his choice will not be affected by you. so keep those delusions and misogyny to yourself - or at least away from my blog and inbox !

honestly anon, I've already known the content of all of your messages over the past few months and I'm choosing the least offensive one for a reason to post (edited ofc so no one can accuse me of slander or whatever)

listen: if I was at all saying that Carlos is unproblematic or publicly promoting him in any way then I'd absolutely deserve what you're saying. but for myself personally, Carlos is part of am f1blr specific hyperfixation where I stay on my blog and write stupid narratives using drivers for fun. I'm not contributing anything to his overall fanbase or giving him any of my financial or personal support. I stick to fandom spaces only and not any platform that the drivers or anyone in wider F1 circles use.

and the thing is that not only would it be putting the burden of his problematicness on me if I were to post your asks bc I alone would have to answer for them, it would also probably just be informing people of what's fully and easily available to find elsewhere. everyone I mutually follow and most people I see are fully aware that we're taking these men and for the most part using them for our own fanon rather than their actual reality. so for me to pick one driver and say look at these awful realities then I'd have to do that with all of them, including the drivers who are at all friendly with known problematic drivers and people. so while I totally understand if someone wants to kick all of F1 out of their fandom experience bc Men then jfc absolutely go for it. I'm not at all pretending that what I'm doing on my blog is worth the smallest shit! but me deciding to pick one driver out of all of them to put on blast would do nothing but make me a hypocrite and rightfully have people asking me why I don't talk about this or that driver too.

and quite frankly unless someone never supports with any male-majority content and solely focuses all of their time to intersectional feminist content then there ain't a leg to stand on to blast any other fanbase or focus on one particular person. it's fully fair to be critical! but not to get on a high horse if there's even one cishet man in your list of fandom things. honestly that could even be broadened in some cases to one cis man.

absolutely, take the truth to people who are out there on public platforms trying to claim that any of these drivers are saints and perfect humans where they could potentially be recruiting to a fanbase using false narratives and covering up problematic behavior. but ask yourself if you're time is best spent mostly attacking women and girls in fanbases over this or going right to the comments and tags that squarely target the men themselves.

but on here I've got to kind of assume we all know what the score is and nobody's in denial that these are mere Rich Powerful Men and none of them deserves our actual serious allegiance yk ??? I feel like we're all aware this is us having fun and we're all accepting that while we can block and blacklist tags based on personal preferences, none of us in f1blr who likes a male driver can pretend to be superior to liking a different one. at best they're better at keeping their mouths shut but they also permit and overlook a LOT. and yes, that includes Lewis even though my god he has a gigantic lead on the rest in terms of progressive actions and deeds compared to any other man in F1. and that while he still has unaddressed problematic associations and behavior, all of us white fans need to be fucking vigilant of going after him if we're not fully going ten times harder on the white drivers.

[harrisongslimited]

George Chapter of the Day

I Saw Her Standing There #12

Chapter 12

Trigger Warnings: adult situations, swearing, drinking, smoking, sexual tension, slow-burn romance, george and joie romance, friendship.

**18+ only**

Chapter 12

When Joie awoke in the coach house, she was warm and comfortable. The sun was actually shining for a change and lit up the bright yellow walls and sunflower wallpaper. She missed daily sunshine. A lot. Sitting up in bed, she noticed a piece of paper pushed underneath the door and went to see what it was.

"Morning. I'm off to town. Make yourself at home for today. I'll talk to you when I get back. Probably sometime in the afternoon. George xx"

Joie folded the note, tucked it in her purse and headed for the main house. She was going to enjoy this day, even if she remained in George's robe.

"Joie?"

She heard the voice through the intercom from the front gate. "It's Cyn. Open up."

Joie met her at the front door. It was early afternoon and Joie had spent the rest of her morning talking to Freda and dozing on the living room sofa. She felt guilty not doing anything, especially when Freda told her how busy it was, but she felt she deserved this little vacation.

"Cyn!" Joie exclaimed when Cyn came through the gaden gate. "So happy to see you! What's going on?"

Cyn was loaded down with shopping bags and lunch. "Bringing you some clothes...and lunch. George told me you were here and all you had was a robe."

Cyn noticed it was George's robe and gave Joie "the look".

"Come on in...." Joie invited, "but don't get the wrong idea. I slept in the coach house."

Cyn walked in and dropped the bags. "Come on Joie...George is daft over you. You trying to stay one step out of his grasp?"

"No. Not at all...I mean not consciously."

Cyn frowned. "What does that mean?"

Joie shook her head and helped Cyn into the house, setting the bags and lunch on the kitchen table. "Don't know really...but what if I'm giving off the wrong signals?"

"Well, what signals do you want to give off?"

Joie smiled but turned shy. "I like him very much. I just don't have any experience...you know? I've had to fight boys off for the most part."

Cyn nodded in understanding. "John was the fist guy I ever dated. I was just so shy. He would tease me about everything and one thing led to another and I got pregnant. We married after that. So don't listen to me, really!"

They laughed together as Joie produced 2 glasses and Cyn filled them with a lovely smooth white wine.

"Be yourself, be open with George about your feelings. I know one thing--George would never hurt you."

Joie, filled with emotion, hugged Cyn. "Thank you, Cyn. You're a wonderful friend."

Cyn smiled. "Well let's have our wine and look through these clothes. We'll have you ready for George by the time he gets home."

Joie wondered what that meant, but just hugged Cyn again instead. "Thank you," she said simply. "Thank you for all you have done for me."

Cyn waved her hand. "Not to worry. My pleasure."

Joie looked in the bags. There were still tags on the clothes. Tags with prices she couldn't afford and Cynthia saw the look on her face.

"Don't worry about that for now. I know what you are thinking. But I had these in my closet. Never wore them. At least they will get some use. I bought them when I was skinnier and now I can't fit into them. Can't take them back either. So you are doing me a favor. I told John I will have more room in my closet!"

"Oh, I couldn't Cyn...." Joie told her, shaking her head.

"Please let me do this for you. I know how good you were to John on tour. He told me there were a couple of nights he'd had too much to drink and you really took care of him. I appreciate that....and I appreciate that I can trust you."

"You can, you know..." A flash of her hypocrisy exploded behind her eyes but Joie did her best to focus just on Cyn and what she needed.

Cynthia nodded and reached out to hold Joie's hand for a moment. "There are very few women I can trust at this point....and you are one of them."

Joie smiled. "Thanks, Cyn..."

"Now c'mon. Let's pick out some clothes."

.........

When George arrived back home, Joie was in the kitchen cooking. She thought she would give him a good home cooked meal and found enough food in the pantry to make a decent dinner. Chicken, rice and carrots. She had no idea if he liked chicken, rice and carrots, but that's what she made.

"Hello?" George called out. He had her suitcase in one hand and a box in the other.

"How....what....?'

"How....what?" George teased her. "I got you some things from Freda's with her help. And the box...well...I just thought this house needed something and I figured out what that was."

George handed her the box. Something inside moved. Joie jumped, then looked inside. There were 2 kittens...one white, one black.

"I didn't know what color to get....," he grinned.

"Oh my...."Joie exclaimed. She took the kittens out and held them to her. Joie looked at George, almost getting teary. "Oh my...." She said again, sweetly looking at him and leaning to kiss him.

It was quiet between them now as the kittens purred in her arms. Joie believed that right at that moment, right then, she'd never been happier in her life. She wanted to hold the moment in time, remembering the sounds, the smells, the feelings.

"You want to name them?" George finally asked her.

"I don't know..." Joie answered. "What do you think?"

"Let's just see what their personalities are like. Then we can decide."

He walked closer to her and she handed him the white kitten.

"One big happy family...." He joked. Those sensual dark eyes focused on her as she cuddled the kitten.

"One big happy family...." She answered.

..........

"So where were you?" John asked Cynthia when she returned home.

"At George's. Joie is there and needed some clothes."

"Needed clothes?" John laughed. "What the hell is wrong with George? What would she need clothes for?"

"He loves her, John..." Cyn told him seriously. "I think the little boy who followed us around has fallen in love."

"With Joie?"

"Yes with Joie" Cyn told him.

"Does she love him?"

Cynthia smiled. "She does. She just doesn't know it yet."

John shook his head. Walking away from her he said, "Birds....American or British. All the same."

..........

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Joie asked George as they cleaned dishes after dinner.

"Come here," George extended his hand. "I want to talk to you."

She took his hand as he led her to the living room where the kittens were asleep on a blanket, their little tummies full. George lit a fire, poured them a glass of wine, and sat next to her on the sofa.

"The car is picking me up at 6am," he began.

Joie shook her head. "6?"

George nodded. "And I'll be gone for 3 weeks."

She missed him already. The steadiness of him. The strength. The way he made her feel...like the only woman in the world he wanted next to him.

"What about the kittens?" Joie asked. "I couldn't take them to Freda's. What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I'd like you to stay here. You can take my car into London for now. We'll figure out what to do with your car when I get back. It's at Mal's now. He took it to be....cleaned up."

"Stay here?"

"Yes."

"George...."

"What?"

"I shouldn't."

"Why?" he asked, his eyebrow hiked up to the ceiling. "Because it doesn't look right?"

Joie shrugged slightly. "Well, it sort of ... doesn't."

George sighed. "Joie, I don't care how things 'look'. We know what we are doing and what happens is private. Let people think what they will. You can't stop them. I've learned that the hard way. If you don't want to stay, don't do it on your own terms. Not because of what people will think."

"I know you're right...."

"And if you are worried about your dad, I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you are staying in the coach house and I'm ... well, I'll be gone," he said. "And you can go into the office because Brian will be on the road with us.If you'd rather just stay here, that's fine. We will work the rest out when I get back."

"I quit NEMS, remember?" she asked, leaning closer to him. "Do you always know what to say and do?"

"Yes," he said in a joking way. "You're fine...work in the office if you'd like or stay here and help me. Staying here would help you get some proper time to work on your report. Don't forget that."

"Ok," she answered. "And don't worry...I'll tell my dad I'm here. Don't worry about that. But I'll have to call him long distance. Can I pay you for using the phone?"

"Joie," George began, shaking his head. "I don't care about that."

"But I do. I don't want to take advantage."

"You won't. I'm not worried about that...." he answered again, reinforcing his lack of caring about a phone call. "Let's say we'll figure it out later, ok?"

"Ok," Joie replied as her emotions began to overwhelm her. God, he was handsome. Those dark eyes pulled her in so effortlessly, like it was a walk in the park. She felt warmed by the fire. By the wine. By George. She wanted to crawl next to him and feel his arms around her. She wanted to sleep on his shoulder. When he got up to stoke the fire, she smelled the soapy clean of him.

Joie watched him for a moment. What was happening to her? Why was she feeling these things when she usually just didn't pay attention to such things?

The wine. She told herself. It was the wine talking. She would do no such thing but it did feel overwhelmingly incredible to imagine telling George the truth. Everything felt good.

They talked and shared another bottle of wine. Joie told him several times that he should get some sleep before the car came to get him at 6, but then they would start talking about something else and the time didn't seem to matter.

"Come with me," he said suddenly, standing and extending his hand. "Come with me."

She didn't know what he meant, but she didn't care. She took his hand. They both stood and George began lead her to his bedroom. Joie was nervous. She didn't know what to think.

"George...." she said, hesitantly.

"Keep me company while I pack a bag," he said quickly and Joie knew that George recognized her sudden nervousness.

"Ok..." she answered with a gentle smile.

He suddenly stopped and turned to her. "Nothing is going to happen unless you want it to, Joie. You have my word."

Joie looked at him in the light from the living room fireplace. His hand was wrapped around hers and her heart felt suddenly so light. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. Joie wanted to take him in her arms and kiss him, and feel his body pressed to hers.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "I know. I know that because of who you are."

He smiled and pulled her close to him. He kissed her lightly on the lips and they walked into his bedroom.

George proceeded to pack a bag as Joie laid down on his bed. She struggled to stay awake...to keep him company....but soon, her eyes closed. She wanted to get up so he could at least lay down to get some sleep, but she just couldn't open her eyes. At one point, she felt him lay down beside her but she couldn't move to get up. Within minutes, she was asleep.

Had she been awake, she would have felt him kiss her forehead again and whisper, "Sweet dreams, love."

..........

She awoke with a start and jumped up from the bed. The sun was up. She called out, "George?" but there was no answer. He was gone. Gone for 3 weeks.

Joie missed him already.

The strength of her feelings surprised her. Was this love? She had no idea. But she knew by the shiver that shot up her spine when George was close to her, something was going on. When he kissed her forehead, she felt butterflies in her stomach. This was all new to her. Charlie was the only person she could even relate this to, and he was a nightmare in comparison. He got very angry when she turned him down to have sex. He'd storm off and Joie found she really didn't care. Her first time was going to be with someone she loved, not some sex obsessed teenager. That she knew for sure.

Joie changed into her clothes and spent the day reorganizing the kitchen and running the kittens to the litter box. They were good company especially when they ran under her legs as she was trying to work. The phone rang about 6pm and Joie answered it.

"Hello?"

"Ah, you are still there," George said lightly. "I was afraid you had packed up and left for the States."

"Nah," Joie told him with a laugh. "The kittens need me."

"How are they?"

"Good. I'll get them to the vet before you get back. Is there anything you need me to do here?" Joie asked him.

"I'm having some things delivered day after tomorrow. If you could be there to let them in..."

"Sure. What's coming?"

"Some music equipment."

"Ok," Joie told him. "How was your flight?"

"It was fine. Tired though. Didn't sleep much last night."

"I know..." Joie answered sheepishly. "You must be exhausted."

"I'll be fine," he laughed. "And Joie, if you need me, call."

"I will. You too," she promised him.

And he hung up.

[adamsvanrhijn]

blorbo question: blorbo and his boyfriend in a modern day american college situation. are they football fans or basketball fans? either? does John play one of those sports?

thank you for not making me sad!!!

reminder for people who don't live here that in this case the football looks like this

🏈🏈🏈

in one of the aus in my brain where they are in high school in the 50s ("this was not the question" shhh) john plays high school football, because it's the 50s. but the thing about established modern football is all the brain damage. which i don't like for him. i do not as yet have an au in my brain where he plays football in a modern au at any level college included. the only universe in my brain where john plays college football is at least a few of my many alternate canonical timelines... 1860s-1870s harvard football...!!

for whatever reason john is not screaming basketball at me. i feel like i don't associate john with jumping. actually that's a stupid thing to say because i have him as a baseball player plenty and that jumping works in my brain...

i do not think oscar enjoys Participating in either of these sports because he simply is at a physiological disadvantage.... the secret to not losing at sports is to only do sports you know you can win 😌💅 but in no universe i already have in my brain is oscar like an actual college athlete.

i DO however think teen young adult oscar thinks he can also win at football by being in a sexual relationship with a football player and i do think he could also apply this logic to basketball but basketball is like. less idealized. nobody* is writing songs and screenplays where you win by dating the basketball player you know?? the basketball player is not an aspirational trope. it is less impressive to turn a basketball player gay** than it is a football player.

* somebody almost certainly is.

** make him realize he actually has been so in love with you specifically all this time and was only making fun of you in front of his friends because he wants you soooo bad

i think john has had similar fantasies in his life but it's more like, the guy is already his friend and maybe he has realized through having a girlfriend that actually he does wish he still had time to spend with john, since he isn't doing that much anymore because now he has a girlfriend, and maybe even he actually prefers john to his girlfriend and just isn't ready to say it yet .............

ummmmm. in terms of like. being in College. and not in high school. and watching College sports. i don't think oscar has the patience for football for football's sake like there needs to be something else going on for this viewing experience to be fun... this is a Party thing... but he pays attention to who is winning and losing both during the game and during the season perhaps. whereas i think the act of Watching football is probably actually something cerebral enough for john to enjoy but he hates the vibes.... his ideal football watching experience is at home not being perceived maybe with like two other people he enjoys spending time with already and you don't have to deal with tailgate and/or stadium logistics.... and he is less concerned in terms of like a bigger picture state of American college football with who is winning or losing but gets invested in the individual game while he is watching it and wants his team to win. thinks about how team members must feel emotionally if they lose when the game really matters and feels sad for them. gets really upset about injuries. probably is worried about the brain damage which Oscar like. simply doesn't care about they're already playing football in the first place........ come on 🙄

i feel like John would try to support his college's women's basketball to be a good feminist ally. he could totally have a sister basketball player. Oscar unlikely to care about this / care about being perceived as caring about this but would maybe go in a group and in the right circumstances talk like he does. or he might not.

basketball is Not a big thing in my state to be honest so i am less familiar with the college politics but football i just cannot get away from so i am much more aware of what that is like.... very interested in basketball blorbo opinions if anyone has those for some reason.

[systastic]

Hi!! Adding on, just a few npcs and stuff, anything that's easier for you, as we don't want to stress you out :3

a stunning, absolutely marvelous idea you have here, anon :] hope you like these goofy little guys! might come back n add some more to them later after i sleep, haha —🤍 (🌳)

Mandy Isobel Graves

What’re YOU looking at? Huh? If the answer was Mandy, then good luck babe! Mandy is an attitude-filled “almost adult” (her words, not mine) who deals with her problems by avoiding the fuck out of them. People who annoy her or try to hit on her get clapped back on and shut down right away. Nobody is gonna touch this until she’s sure they can handle it! She works at the diner part-time as a way of earning income to keep up her addiction. What kind of addiction, you ask? Stuffed animals. Very cute, very small, very fluffy stuffed animals. If you tell anyone else about this, then… Well, technically, she can’t do much of anything about it. But she’ll pout at you and will refuse to serve your food to your table at the diner. So there! She is a lesbian through and through — so don’t try hitting on her if you’re a guy. That won’t end well. Mandy lives with her parents in Suburbia, Katherine and Edward Graves, along with their dog Jett. And yes, he’s named after Jett from ATLA.

Good with: Diner patrons, teens around her age (particularly women)

Bad with: Authority figures, older men, children (2-10). She doesn’t like kids nor does she know how to deal with them. Sorry, Charlie.

source: here!

Craig Cummings

This is Craig Cummings, local police officer and resident boxer of the town living in apartment 205. He may not look like it, but he’s actually new to this place, having only shown up about two months ago. His ex-wife left him over a squabble about their income (Craig was still in training at the time) and took their unborn child with her. Craig is pretty beat up about the whole ordeal, but honestly, he’s getting better now that he’s moved to a new location. You might catch Craig in the bakery while on duty or in the diner later at night chowing down on a big meaty burger. He can be a bit hard to talk to at first, but he’s got his heart in the right place: the good of the people comes first in his mind. Now all that’s left is to find a few new buddies, some craft beer, and get over this hump in his life. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

Good with: Older men (20-50), teenagers, old people, and other folks like himself

Bad with: Women around his age (he is bad at flirting), “those kids nowadays” aka gen alpha, chronically online people

source: here (please consider supporting the artist!)

Ethel McClellan

Ethel is an older woman with a big heart who lives in apartment 116 with her husband Barney. Her apartment matches the woman herself: homey and comfortable with a whole lot of knitted things that are obviously handmade. She is the kind of woman who will invite new faces into her home for tea despite not knowing them in the slightest. Her husband doesn’t mind one bit either. Both of them are starved for company due to the fact their children never want to visit. A real shame, that. Ethel’s views lean more to being conservative in nature, but she has enough common sense to tell when things are simply not right the way that they are. For some reason, the local stray cats flock to her windowsill during the afternoons. It might be because of Ethel feeding them sardines all the time… but she claims it’s “a little gift from the Good Lord himself”. (Barney disagrees, but doesn’t say a word.) Her evenings are spent knitting and watching the game with her dear husband. A rack of spare teacups sit on her kitchen counter waiting to be filled… Maybe you’ll be her next visitor?

Good with: Children (5-11), “youngins” (20s-30s), older folk (40-60+)

Bad with: Pretty much no one unless they’re a “gosh darn rapscallion” or “troublemaker”

source: here!

[hartbreakxd]

STUMBLE ( for becks attitude era au )

SITTING IN SOMEONE'S LAP PROMPTS.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ || @blbcabelts

[ STUMBLE ]: sender loses their balance and trips backwards, falling into the receiver's lap in the process.

He was taken completely off guard when she approached him after his match a few weeks prior. Not that he wasn't used to women being all up in his face except by now, it was becoming less of a common occurrence in regards to his fellow coworkers. His rift with Bret was making things awkward not to mention Shawn wasn't doing himself any favors either. Because he was an asshole and since everyone just assumed Bret was right all the time, it gave him even more reason to act the part of an ass.

And so… he did. He gave them EXACTLY what they wanted from night to night, made only that much easier by the amount of booze he consumed following work. He guessed he didn't WANT to drink every night except drinking did at least, numb the pain of Bret's longing looks but refusal to give him the time of day anymore. There was that and the back pain that was getting increasingly worse from week to week. He chalked it up to the aerials he performed each night in the ring, but he had a job to do. No one came to see HBK wrestle like Hogan. They wanted the acrobatics and by god he was going to give it to them even if it killed him.

Speaking of…

Becky wanted to try out some new moves --- ones that she needed to test before taking them to Vince for approval. Simply put, the women weren't exactly allowed to put themselves in harm's way too much. The old man was exercising SOME leniency given the other programming competing with them nightly. Despite women proving themselves more than capable of a few hurricaranas and whatnot, the old man was still fixated on them being 'pretty' but not lethal.

Shawn scoffed. Stupid old man. He was part of the reason why guys like Hogan overstayed their welcome in the main event. And it was by that logic and a need to be an accomplice in a rebellious act that led to him agreeing to meet her in the ring. Few thought nothing of it as they passed them by during warm ups. To others, it just looked like harmless reps while Shawn was actually giving her tips how to land that moonsault better.

〝 Alright from the top! 〞 he shouted. Shawn slung her into the corner, following behind her quickly to take an elbow. He stumbled back, watching her climb the turnbuckle. In her haste, she lost her footing with her boot catching the top corner rope. His eyes widened as she came stumbling backwards but he was quick. He extended his arms catching her from behind while falling back onto the mat. There he sat holding her in his lap while they both groaned in pain. He'd be fine. The bumps he would take later that night would be nothing compared to this, but it was her own groaning that had his features twisting in concern shooting down the myth that he was incapable of concerning himself with others. On the contrary, he could care a great deal. He just chose not to for his own peace of mind.

〝 Hey… you good? 〞 He lightly squeezed her hip. 〝 I mean, I suppose I coulda let you hit the mat. That DOES happen when someone messes up your move, but seemed wrong of me when I could break your fall you know? 〞 He paused. 〝 Just tell me in the future if you'd rather take the bump. I ain't trying to get myself smacked or fired. Don't know what the fuck I'd do if I didn't have wrestling. S'pect I'd be an adult video worker.〞

[kierancampire]

Sorry, this is lengthy!

I made a post on Reddit asking if anyone has any questions they would like to ask a gay guy they otherwise have felt unable to, as I just wanted a safe, honest, and open space where people could freely ask questions without judgement and I would do my best to answer them. It being Reddit I was expecting backlash, but surprisingly only like, 4 people were assholes, the post sorta blew up way more than I was expecting and on the post and in private messages I got an avalanche of questions.

Two separate people though asked me why some gay men are flamboyant and feminine, whereas others are masculine and more subtle. This is why I'm posting this, I want to share my answer and I am just curious if anyone agrees or disagrees with it, or has any other input? Here was my answer to the question:

Do keep in mind that this is a subject that really needs multiple inputs, hours of debate, and people of varying life styles, namely people higher up in psychology and studies on sexuality, so I can only talk about what I know and give a small input on this huge subject.

Sorry this will be lengthy but I want to try and do the subject justice. Firstly you need to keep in mind it's still not entirely clear why people are born gay, a theory is biology, so potentially right off the bat gay men/LGBT+ people may just be wired different inherently, so those difference can have all sorts of adverse reactions.

Though as I said, it's just a theory, another could simply be psychology. The way we are brought up, the environment we are in, the way we connect and interact with people as children, that could all determine our sexuality, which obviously will also greatly impact our personality, mannerisms, and how we behave as people.

To go further in upbringing, that really is crucial into how you interact with your sexuality. For instance, if you grow up in a strictly religious and unaccepting household, as an adult you may be more anxious, paranoid, and withdrawn as a gay man, you may try to come across more masculine and hide who you are. Where as if you grow up in a house that not only accepts you, but encourages you to be who you are and explore yourself and your identity, that in turn will inevitably make you more care free and open in your identity and expression. It also depends on your family as people too, if you grow up in a predominantly male household who are all into guns, cars, hunting, sports, stuff like that, it's what you grow up with and mirror. But if you grew up in a household of mostly women and spent your life around feminine media, material, and personalities, you could in turn pick those up. But then in saying all of this, being gay is sort of rebelling against society, and gay men, when finally free, may do the polar opposite of their upbringing and what they were "allowed" to do, simply to say fuck you.

I think another aspect of it is societal standards. Due to stereotyping and generalisations, a lot of people can have an idea in mind of how gay men act and behave, but that isn't just a straight thing, gay people get stuck with those ideas too. So some of us just gravitate to what we are told is acceptable/normal for how gay men should act, it also in part could be due to internalised homophobia, almost a form of degrading yourself, to be less of a man. You also can just mirror gay people you see in media and in person, you have no idea what it's like to be gay and how it feels to be gay, as often no one in your life is and you've never been spoken to about it, so you just latch onto and mirror the few gay things you know.

One big thing to keep in mind is, being gay is a culture shock. You live your whole life thinking you're like any other person, just to eventually find out you're actually different. It makes you question everything about you and what you know, it also makes you question the other people in your life and how they are. Then you sorta need to go through the whole process again of discovering yourself and learning who you are, what you like, what you enjoy, what makes you, you. I know personally I went through a stereotypical gay phase as I thought I had to do that to be gay, I also had to see if that was who I am. I decided it wasn't and then became my own version of gay.

Some gay guys also probably feel the need to make a point/declaration that they are gay and proud, and there's no better way to do that then go against every societal standards and expectations of how men should be, and to be loud about it. It's also about being noticeable, keep in mind that the gay world is small, and some people just like to advertise at every moment who they are to make connections, relationships, and that if you are gay, you can be gay with them in safety. But two final aspects I want to mention. Firstly, the whole point of being gay is being different and embracing it, you can't be gay without embracing being different, so that will mean instinctually your personality will embrace all that is different. But then finally, like anything else, it just comes down to personality. People like different things, people dislike different things, people have different routines and behaviours, people speak differently, people learn differently. Being a flamboyant and feminine gay is just another part of those differences in personality.

Sorry this is so lengthy! Like I said this is just my perspective and a small view on a very large subject, but I hope that can open up a small understanding in why there can be these differences in gay men :)