#(i do like explosions but not for the sake of this stupid country that wants me and my friends dead)

[enchantingruinscandy]

tbh I only care about us independence day bc I get holiday pay for working it

[tbmkit]

A Deep Dive on "The End" of Las Nevadas

to start things off, this is my own interpretation of his dialogue. i explained how i feel about the stream here in this post. going off of that, i am going to break down the way quackity (who, for clarification sake i'll just refer to as alex) interpreted him. this is gonna get into random theories and probably get like, a little personal and im going to sound crazy but im also autistic and super invested with a bunch of free time... but i think the whole way this stream was carried out had a double meaning to it, and i will examine it here. not proofread, we 're going in raw. so, let's begin with...

Section 1: The Different Personalities of the Quackities

for starters, i want to examine the personalities of each character. obviously, im not taking much (aside from a few bits) into account from the other streams. this was all carefully crafted in one stream to get each persona down, rather than on-the-fly acting. each one has a sort of "archetype" to dissect.

q!quackity, who is quiet, reserved, skittish - yet smart and observant. he uses longer words, and spends more time observing the conversations, then jumping in for the "kill"

k!quackity, who is battered from the betrayal hes gone through, he feels hurt yet he doesnt feel anger. its internalized, he doesnt trust the others, however he mentions that they need to build trust to get out of the "cube"

ln!quackity, who is extroverted, boisterous, the physical incarnate of a bruised ego. he holds his head high not realizing his neck is always exposed, ready for someone to rip him to shreds if they hit the right vein. he's an asshole, making fun of the others, holds himself proudly on his achievements. but he's the only one that cries. q!quackity is anxious, but he doesn't cry. ln!quackity does.

and... alex. a self-proclaimed introvert, who is kind and observant, who forces himself to get out of his comfort zone, something he called a "finish line." a writer, a director, someone who loves telling stories. and this one, happens to be a story of different personas of his, with one being killed off.

and with that, we get into the topic of what i believe the stream represents. if you'll join me for a long read, i think this stream represents his growth as a person and a content creator, in a very extreme and especially vulnerable way.

Section 2: Pre-Quackities Dialogue

an interesting point about ln!quackity is that his dialogue is very turbulent. he goes from being confident to anxious and scared in a moment's notice.

from...

Slime! Was this you? Did you do this? I didn't mean to do this- the the.. I wasn't… malfunction! An explosive went off! I don't know where I am! I might've done some [stupid] stuff, but it's not- it's not fair to pin it on me. You saw it- you saw it- you saw what everyone did to me…

at first, he's very confused. a topic he brings up later is how he always wins, or rather how the house always wins. he succeeded in killing himself, thus the surprise. he didn't really mean to succeed, he thought he'd fail just like all the other times. that's what he's used to.

then...

I don't know who you are, and you certainly don't know who I am either. […] If you have any answers for me, just let me know, please. Alright fine- whoever put me here, get me out! Or just kill me! That was the point of what I was trying to do!

his ego pops in - "you certainly don't know who i am either" weighing his importance. he can't die, he's just so vital for his country. his carefully crafted country. but he can't stand not knowing what actually happened - did he finally succeed? for once in his entire life? no, surely not. he wants to get out - he didn't really mean to kill himself. just one more chance, he wants. but if he can't have one more chance, he just wants it to be over. either keep fighting and fighting or finally give up, even if you just succeeded for the first time in your life.

finally to...

We can make a deal, alright? Let's do a little bit of gambling, let's make a deal! […] You let me out of here, I… do you want me to do good deeds? I'll do good deeds! […] I'll do it, just let me go… just give me a sign…

"ha! gambling, casinos, money! that's my personality! you guys know me, mr. casino man! ring any bells yet?? you guys know that's what i'm all about!" he cries. that's where his power is held - material possessions, easy wins, his comfort zone. something he can easily control. he tries to paint himself as a "better" version of himself by offering his material possessions, anything to save his ass. something he can live without, something he's comfortable losing because he'll just gain it back double in the end.

Section 3: Pre-Monologue

the first thing ln!quackity says to k!quackity - apart from being taken aback by being called a gringo - is

A foreigner?! Where are you from?

now this might come off as one of the farther reaches in this post, but i feel like this was mean to represent ("this" as in, the way ln!quackity treats k!quackity as a whole) the switch to spanish content that alex did. i feel like ln!quackity is very offput by k!quackity because it was a hard switch for alex to make, given how people in the public - and in private - treated this switch. throughout the stream, ln!quackity treats k!quackity with ambivalence - not with hatred or disgust, but also with an underlying fearful tone - as he does not understand him when he speaks spanish. however, ln!quackity does speak spanish. he spoke spanish all the time. hell, the casino is called el palacio (which you can see on the signs inside), we got el rapids, mexican l'manburg, flirting with schlatt... this is just a front. he just doesn't want to communicate, even acknowledge him speaking to him. his ego gets in the way, not wanting to acknowledge this. q!quackity does not speak spanish, this was clear given the lore of qsmp with elquackity. however, ln!quackity is known as bilingual. so why would he try to hide that part of him? you tell me.

You see? I was also betrayed! And actually I was the one doing the torturing, but I have the better story here.

"hah look at me im so badass! who gives a fuck if you went through so much shit! i also did that shit but to someone else! that also kinda happened to me but who cares!" says the deeply traumatized individual who perpetuates a cycle of abuse.

Tone it fucking down. You don't know who you're speaking to.

he says this directly after being called out by the other two. he, again, deems himself as more important. he's the badass one, he's the one that is more "successful," he gets all the fame and credit. thus, when someone tries to tell him that he's full of shit, he immediately puts up his defenses - the ones he's been crafting for all his life, through the endless amount of trauma he's gone through. did he ever back down? show emotions? no, he hasn't. he's always just been a powerhouse. even when his friends and partners betrayed him, he used that to fuel his drive, not knock him down.

I win. That's my job. My job is to make people think they win. I'm a multimillionaire because I run an extremely successful casino business. I also am the president of the richest country in my world. But you know, the more success, the more people want to kill you. And if I'm here right now it's because they succeeded - although I do think the people responsible might be dead soon as well, because if I truly am dead, then they fucked up. So yeah I'm not worried about it at all. Just a bunch of cowards that stormed my casino, probably shot me, they'll get caught.

here he goes again, flaunting his achievements. whenever someone tries to wiggle through the cracks of his ego, he spits out the same recycled speech about his achievements. everyone wants him, everyone wants what he has. but does he truly want it all? is it to make up for what he had lost, or maybe it's to hide his emotions or his insecurities? will they all be drowned out by material possessions? "the more success, the more people want to kill you," so, himself, since that's who killed him in the end? with how much he's been gaining, does that mean that his will to live dwindled too as he got everything he ever wanted? but of course, this is all one big lie to cover up the fact that he was the one with a bounty on his own head.

Q!Quackity: If you are as successful as you say you are, I would imagine that you would already be on edge for someone trying to kill you. […] so how exactly did you inflict your own death?

bonus! with the context above, i feel like q!quackity picked up on his suicidal tendencies, and is thus asking, "hey, since you have it all and i kiiinda feel like we all killed ourselves here, and you said the more successful you are the more people wanna kill you, doesn't that mean you wanna kill yourself?"

Section 4: The Monologue

Fine. You wanna know how I got here? I fucking destroyed it all, I fucking did it. I fucking did it. I sat on my fucking throne and I lit it all on fire and it was fucking beautiful. You know why? Because you can't trust nobody. You can't fucking trust nobody. Alright… alright… I come from a world where you can't trust nobody. Your neighbour will backstab you for a piece of bread if he has to. There are no friends where I came from, okay? And people will sell you out in a fucking second. I tried it all, I tried politics, I tried businesses, and I never won. You know what made all those fail? You know what made every fucking attempt of mine fail? Trust! You can't trust people! They will kill you! So if I can't win, I did what I had to do.

the first half of the monologue is all about being betrayed. "how did i get here? / i destroyed it all / it was beautiful" for someone who prides himself in his material possessions, this doesn't feel like he'd be happy about getting rid of it all. his entire country, what he loved. las nevadas is his comfort zone. that's why he was confined to it, he never left, nobody entered, truly. sure he had some of his friends, but they betrayed him in the end. he ended up hurting them and they left, or they hurt him regardless.

this is where alex comes into play. this monologue was intentional, this was raw and vulnerable. it represents ln!quackity, yes. but, underlying is alex throughout it all. it's not a hidden fact that he's had a lot of people that ended up betraying him, and others in his life as well. so many people took advantage of his trust and kindness. they wanted to commodify him, use his fame, get a bit of clout, get his money, all for themselves. ln!quackity didn't want to be on top of the world, he rose so high up that from below everything looks so small and lost sight of where he was. this represents the ego. it's so easy for your ego to get ahold of you, but when you're so high up, you get knocked down, all the way to your death...

I fabricated my wins, I created my own country, I built my circumstances. Me! Nobody else! Because nobody else thinks like I do! Nobody can! So there comes a point where it's over, at some point you fucking lose.

the aforementioned fall. las nevadas was his comfort - the only place where nothing could go wrong. everything went his way, and only his. the house always wins, it's his comfort zone. he crafted it himself. "nobody else thinks like i do / nobody can" represents his internal struggle. his insecurities that he had to build four walls and a roof over, hidden away from sight in a city of different buildings. he thinks hes the only one that feels this way, he doesnt think anyone can feel the amount of pain he does. life is a chore for ln!quackity, he chugs through it and never once could he rest. but, he finally got to. and now that he has it all... what else is there left? his insecurities and shame that he trapped himself in with all this time. he's forced to sit with them, ponder, grow attached to them yet still hide them from everyone. nobody can know how he feels, nobody can know what he thinks. he never opened up, he never got in touch with his emotions and thus

My partner, my great business partner… I built him, piece by piece, I gave him the personality that I wanted! He learned from me, he is who he is because of me! Yet he has the audacity to abandon me? To abandon what I built? To defy me? He called me a bad person and guess what? I am a bad person. And I'll fucking own it til the day I die. Everything gets destroyed, I'm not gonna wait for a fucking traitor to put me in my grave, that's my JOB. So yeah, I inflicted it, I'm here because of me. I'm here because of me, nobody else. *starts crying*

this is where it gets tricky. my personal interpretation that fits with the theme is that slime represents alex. ln!quackity - or rather, his ego - molded slime into what he is - a copy of ln!quackity. a hollow imitation of the ego. ln!quackity made slime into precisely that. he was a blank slate, he had so much power over him, and thus he finally had someone who could think like him, without the pain that ln!quackity felt because slime felt none. not until ln!quackity hurt him - his own ego hurt alex, in this sense. the fame, his career had hurt him.

"to abandon what i built / to defy me" taking a step back to keep your ego in check, to finally realize what matters in life, is an act of defiance. to humble yourself, to realize you're nothing more than a person that feels hurt by his environment (calling back to: "I might've done some [stupid] stuff, but it's not- it's not fair to pin it on me. You saw it- you saw it- you saw what everyone did to me…" which he said when he was alone, begging for his life, for a second chance to go back to where he felt safest) it was such a strong revelation that it made ln!quackity cry. finally, he could cry.

ln!quackity, in his own eyes, is perfect. he's what everyone wants to be. money, fame, achievements... but the moment he realizes hes hurt he comes back down from his pedestal. he's not the badass everyone wants him to be, he's not the king of the land, he's scared and sensitive. he just wants to be loved, but every time he is, he gets hurt. so why love when you can hurt? that's why he's so rude and abrasive. because why love when hurting is easier? hurting is the norm, hurting is comfort. las nevadas is a nation that encapsulates nothing but pain.

Where do you guys think you are? What is this to you, just a little game? Just a little more entertainment? Look around us, look at this, look at this sick joke, we're puppets! They think it's real! None of this is! And maybe that's the game, we just need to play it! Who's it gonna be, huh? What am I meant to do? How do I win today's game? I'm not gonna give these bastards a show, I want out!

obligatory "who do you think we're actually talking about here?" fourth wall-breaking segment. you should be able to piece it together here. ln!quackity doesn't want to be part of the show anymore - q!quackity and k!quackity run it now.

Section 5: Post-Monologue and Closing Thoughts

Oh my god, oh my god… Okay… I'm alive- I'm alive… I'm alive, I'm alive… What am I doing? What am I doing? Okay… I need to… I need to leave, I need to get out of here, I need to walk out, I need to walk out…

wait, ln!quackity is alive? he's not hurt? he's... alive? hm. that must've all been in his head. a near death experience, some divine intervention... maybe he does get a second shot! "i need to get out of here..." he wants to get out of the comfort zone, but... letting the ego out, where he's going to suffer? let ln!quackity, the character built on legacy, suffer in a place where he has nothing? the outside? where he wouldn't even dare to-

Slime: Looks like everything is running well. Yeah. Everything's going pretty… pretty great. Slime: You look so tired. I uh… yeah, yeah I uh, I am. Slime: I came back to see you one last time. I didn't like how we had to end. Yeah, no uh… I thought about it, no hard feelings and you know what… you were right actually, this time you taught me some valuable lessons. Slime: After I left, I learned a lot. More than I ever thought there was to know. From more people that I ever thought there were. That sounds great. Slime: I came here to say goodbye, Quackity. It felt… important. Where are you going? Are you going somewhere? Slime: I want to go see it, Quackity. Everything belong this land. I don't think I belong here anymore. Wow, yeah. You deserve it, wow… look at you. Traveling the world, I'm excited for you. Slime: I've learned all I can from this place, Quackity. I'm very excited to go. And maybe even now, someone or something can learn from me. Wow, well yeah. Stay uhm, stay safe man. And remember, don't trust too many people. Slime: Quackity, thank you for teaching me what it's like to be human. Yeah… thanks. Slime: Goodbye, Quackity from Las Nevadas.

he realizes the pain is what makes people alive. you can reconcile with it, you can embrace it, you can live with it. slime was confined to las nevadas for so long that he learned how to live. why can't ln!quackity? what makes slime different? ln!quackity has been immersed in nothing but pain and suffering... and k!quackity too! q!quackity! they are all fine, they can do amazing things, but... they have nothing. they lost it all, but why was ln!quackity the one that's stuck? why did he finally crack?

it's because they love. and slime, well, he loves the world. he loves learning, teaching about life. he has a passion, he wants to experience life. he wants to be free. ln!quackity never wanted to be free. he wanted a place to call his own. with slime leaving... he has las nevadas all to himself. everything he ever wanted, all the money in the world, yet he's alone. he was never loved, only used. it's just a hollow tomb. it was built as an homage to people he loved, but they never loved him. nor did he love himself. all it stands to be is just a reminder that ln!quackity will never be loved.

"you look... so tired." "yeah... i uh- i am."

he doesn't have to keep fighting. he doesn't have to keep relishing in pain. he's happy that slime is traveling the world, thanks to him. he took bits and pieces of ln!quackity - not everything - but just enough to keep his chin high. he is his own person, using the lessons that ln!quackity taught him. slime is ln!quackity's legacy. after the conversation with his other two selves, and with slime in the real world, he realized that in order for him to be at peace, he doesn't have to keep on hurting. the pain that he shared with slime, as the lessons he taught him, inspired slime to be his own person. the pain that ln!quackity went through is what made slime realize that he, too, is human. relishing in pain and not using that to keep going makes you a victim to your own surroundings. the pain becomes comfort, and you can never leave. it's nothing more than a tomb.

and thus, the final lines said are:

"quackity, thank you for teaching me what it's like to be human." "yeah... thanks"

slime taught him how to be human as well. and to be human is to not let pain consume you and to keep forward. make amends with it, keep it in your back pocket. those are memories, it's part of your legacy. but what the other quackities could do that ln!quackity couldn't, is remind themselves that they can be better.

q!quackity, though skittish in nature, is observant and uses his knowledge to get under ln!quackity's skin and finally make him snap and realize his emotions. q!quackity represents intellect, even if he is naïve at the same time.

k!quackity, just as smart as q!quackity, is a fighter. he is observant, but he doesn't use that as much to his advantage as he has strength to back him up. he is strong and he knows it, he can lead a revolution, he is strategical. less naïve than q!quackity, he's more cautious of the posing threat that ln!quackity is. q!quackity helps him as his first instinct, showing that the two work together in tandem naturally.

with both sides working together in harmony, where does ln!quackity come in? he represents arrogance, denial of his emotions, his bolstering ego... there is no room for that to grow as a person. he had to die. the room falls silent as he kills himself, no protests. and, q!quackity and k!quackity will make it out alive. they will be coming back. which shows that they do work together to get out. not by killing themselves, but allowing themselves the best parts of each other.

so, as a finale... what does this mean as a whole? i think, although alex really loves ln!quackity, i think this stream was meant to show his journey as a person. he has said he is very grateful for what he has and where he's gotten, and i think keeping yourself humble and counting your blessings is something that you have to grow into. when you're young, you do stupid mistakes. you're naïve, you trust too easily and people take advantage of that. at the end of the stream, ln!quackity says

"don't trust too many people"

as opposed to what he said earlier, talking about himself:

"you know what made all those fail? [...] trust! you can't trust people! they kill you!"

without letting people in, ln!quackity was his own demise. he never learned how to trust, how to love, and thus he could only die alone in the end. but, slime can. he will learn how to love, how to care for, and how to trust others. don't be naïve, but don't be alone, otherwise you will be your own demise in the end.

and thus, this stream was a way to show alex's journey as a person. he said that he was really counting his blessings and being thankful for everything in his life. he can't redo the past few years, but he can move forward with the lessons he learned. that's something he has been talking a lot about lately, and i think this was his own way of interpreting it through characters he loves so dearly. he had to kill off his pride to grow. moving on is the hardest part, and what's even harder is learning how to begin again after everything. but, at the end of the year and going into the next, he will face troubles. he will face challenges.

but he will grow and learn, as he is human, as we are human. we all feel pain, as well as love. we need to learn, we need to grow. and we cannot shy these away from each other - they need to balance each other out and work in unison, as they should.

[askrockandfriends]

"All right, since I'm apparently the butt of every joke in this election, lemme show you why everyone else is unelectable. Then you'll see why I'm the best candidate for the job."

"First there's Luigi... what do you even do? In both elections you've been in, you've just talked nonsense and done nothing else of note, yet the people can't just can't get enough of you, it seems! What even are your political positions?!"

"And there's Waluigi... dude, you can't even get into Smash Bros, let alone the office of the presidency. And for the love of God, run on a platform other than 'I hate Luigi, vote for meee'! You're literally only popular as a meme, not as an actual character. You're not that important, dude. Deal with it."

"Aqua's a moron who just drinks and cries all the damn time. I'd destroy this country because I want to, she'll destroy it simply because of her stupidity and irresponsible decision-making. No, you can't just throw explosion magic or Kazuma at every problem you face, girl! Solve your own damn problems for once in your life! Or is that too much for a so-called 'goddess'?"

"Homer Simpson. Oh my god. Homer Simpson. What's there to say about this fat oaf other than do you really see this idiot running a whole damn country? He can't even get his own family in order, the hell's he gonna do about an entire country? Not to mention giving him the nuclear codes and then pissing him off is a recipe for disaster. I'm honestly surprised his son can still breathe with all the times Homer's gotten mad and strangled him half to death... can someone please call CPS on this fat bastard and get it over with? Either way, Homer's a fat, dumb, irresponsible, and emotionally immature oaf who should be nowhere near any kind of political office. *mocking* D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!"

"Okay, can we not stand here and pretend Giovanni's not only interested in exploiting the office of the presidency for his own personal gain? It's just like anything else he's ever done in his life. Pokemon, running a Gym, Team Rocket, now running for president... all just things done in the name of making money. I'm sorry, did we not learn from Wario four years ago about people only being interested in money? Not to mention, as an NPC puts it, 'Team Rocket will do anything for the sake of money. There's no job too dirty, no deed to heinous, no crime too wicked.' I guarantee you crime will skyrocket under Giovanni, and it'll be spurred on by Giovanni himself!"

"Edelgard. Three words: War. Fucking. Monger. Hope you like the idea of the country being in a never-ending war for five years or more, because that's what you're gonna get with this conqueror wannabe. And the worst part is, it'll all be because of HER vision of what the country should be, so if you like our nation's people being drafted into an endless war they might not even believe in and making Vietnam look tame by comparison, by all means, vote for this crazy Albino bitch to be your next president."

"Which brings us to Batman... oh, boy, here we go. Batman. What's there to say except if you're half as 'just' as you think you are, then why are your enemies always escaping Arkham Asylum and terrorizing Gotham whenever they see fit? Doesn't sound very 'just' to me. Sounds like the work of a guy who's incompetent at best and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit and only wants to look like a hero for justice at worst. You want to be just, Batty-boy? How about locking your enemies in a place OTHER than Arkham Asylum, and maybe, just maybe, turning yourself into Arkham, because you clearly have some unresolved issues that are feeding into your bat persona, Batman!"

"Yami Yugi... okay, exactly what are you planning to do in office besides play cards all day? Because newsflash: that's not the be-all-end-all way to solve every problem you think it is, dude. Eventually, you're gonna have to do something else to solve a problem, and will you even be ready or willing to do that? And can someone explain to me the relationship between Yugi and his counterpart Yami Yugi? Because there's something about a millenia-old spirit living in the mind/body of a high school student that's just giving me major ick vibes... come to think of it, I didn't even mention whatever's going on with Batman and Robin, did I? That's another one that's worth a few questions at the very least... mind explaining that to me, you two? Because these can be some pretty serious accusations if you let them get too out of control..."

"And that's why the other candidates suck, and you should vote for me, Junko Enoshima, for president in 2024."

JUNKO 2024

[knowlessman]

idk, bnha ig. s3e22-25

oh yeah, this intro. still wondering who that with the teeth and the goggles is.

…huh. bakugo and tallboi didn't get in. -- tallboi still doing that headplant thing, huh. 'XD captain-ginyu-ass weirdo

mineta: says literally anything me: skip. -- how did we use to watch things on the television, without being able to pause or fast-forward or anything? how did we live like that?

"I'll see you at the thing, but I honestly still don't really like you, so apologies in advance!" …I think I like it when people/characters have the capacity to admit they don't really like each other without actually being each other's problem. There's a bit in Bottle Shock (which I'm not really sure why I've seen, tbph) where one guy goes "Why don't I like you?" and gets a frank, guileless answer. IIRC, the two just kinda… still manage to not like each other but also don't antagonize each other.

BUH 0_0 vampire girl WAS there

hm. All for One looks kinda like Asura from Soul Eater when he's gettin his skin figured out. -- "I hate this prison. I turned myself into an SCP and I'm being treated like it, and I hate it." -- "Then let me predict what's going to happen by rattling off a list of stuff that literally happened just before I was incarcerated" -- well, that accomplished fuckall. unless all might just wanted confirmation that there was infighting among the villains, but I'm pretty sure they already knew that.

sure, tell god explosion murder all your secrets why don't you. you almost did before. -- "kacchan, how far are we going?" deku why do you talk to people. why do you talk to this guy, specifically. -- clarification: people need to be able to admit they don't like each other and live with it and not make it their defining character trait. -- 'XD bakugo literally has a modernized version of Sid's t-shirt from toy story. hell, it probably would've been the Punisher logo if they thought they'd get away with it -- deku, never learn to play poker. anything with bluffing in it, for that matter. -- bakugo doesn't even have the self-awareness to know that he won't like the outcome no matter who wins.

"why here?" "because if we fight anywhere else, people will try to stop me from k--ing you." for pity's sake, expel this guy already. clap him back in that Lecter getup again and stop letting people talk to him who aren't trained to help monsters unlearn their monstery ways.

dang this intro got some good vocals in it. some danged good tunes.

pauses to try to read eraser head's screen d'oh. it's gonna be in Japanese anyway knowless, you idiot

"he had to retire because of me" bakugo possesses an entire inch of character depth? :O bakugo possesses a single thought in that mono-red, oops-all-burn-spells brain of his that almost approaches guilt about how he's affected somebody else? -- "don't make me think!" mono. red. oops. all. burn. spells.

"why deku?" "he gives half a shit about other people. that's it. that's the entire secret." -- "I pronounce you the Worst Most Toxic Most Abusive Ship that Anyone Has Ever Shipped." Maybe second-worst if you put Harley and Joker in front, god only knows how bad that one's gone in one canon or another. -- This is… mostly… a well-written show. I dunno about Bakugo tho, I dunno where the mangaka's head is at tbph. We have All Might being smart enough to worry about being too Might Guy, but then we also have this. -- "that's not what I wanted to hear" you don't want to hear anything, you want to be angry and hurt people. -- "I'm not keeping this secret for you, I'm keeping it because it'll be a hassle for me otherwise." the toxic masculinity this fucking biohazard of a human being puts out could power a mid-sized country. -- "to surpass deku, I'll make everything my own like he does" you'll start reading and taking notes?

"I was the cause. it's because bakugo needs serious therapy from an amazing psychologist and for some reason my stupid ass is practically the only authority figure in his life who's ever attempted to talk to him." well, him and best jeanist, who seemed to do fuckall besides give him a goofy makeover.

I guess, from the inner dialogue, that's Twice? thought it was Bakuswole

Class B has literally the Geico caveman and that goomba kid. dangit I wanna know more about them. also that dark souls helmet person.

yooo, it's gamzee again, hell yeah! shinso!

is making everyone stand at assembly while the principal says literally fuckall a thing over here, too? I didn't go to high school.

"you got caught breaking the rules, so as punishment you're basically guaranteed to fail your classes"? wtf -- "what are you???" oh come on deku that's at best like the third weirdest quirk you've seen

Tintin! That's who this noclip fucker looks like! -- "I remember him from the sports festival. he made a strange impression." oh for fuck's sake. another nudist?

hm. goblin boy can't do public speaking. big relate.

this is cool and all but his ability could still have allowed him to keep his clothes on, pseudoscientific plausibility be damned, and that would've been fine. even the point of this spiel wouldn't have been affected.

ayup. next on the list, I believe, is the Do-or-Die bonus episodes, then s4

[fific7]

Evil Twins - Part 3

Billy Russo & Aleksander Morozova x Reader

Summary: When two worlds which have already collided then collide with yours - that’s an explosive situation.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly a mix of fluff and angst with quite a lot of lemon zest 🍋 My Fantasy Punisher/Shadow and Bone crossover AU.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Slightly questionable consent to begin with. Some drinking & swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My photo edit)

Your head bumped slightly against the corner of the kitchen cupboard and this brought you back to reality. What did you think you were doing? You pushed Billy away roughly and stepped quickly away from him. He looked bereft but you ignored that, saying, “Okay, Billy - enough. I don’t know what I was thinking!” You picked up some of the crockery and went to the dishwasher.

Billy lounged back against the sink, arms crossed, long legs spread, contemplating you.

“That you were enjoying it?”

You huffed, “So what if I was? But it really wasn’t a good idea.” He smirked, “You don’t really believe that.” He pushed himself off the sink unit and headed back to the living room, saying over his shoulder, “To be continued, sweetheart.”

You clattered the dishes around, loading the dishwasher and mentally beating yourself up for giving in to your baser instincts, when you heard Aleksander’s voice in the other room.

“What are you looking so pleased about?” You heard Billy make a relaxed stretching noise like a cat, and you could visualise him doing just that.

“Oh I dunno. What could I possibly be looking pleased about, huh?” “You…!” shouted Aleksander, and then you heard scuffling noises so you rushed through there. As you’d feared, Billy and Aleksander were rolling around on the floor, grunting and trying to punch each other’s lights out.

“Stop it!” you yelled at the top of your voice, but they ignored you. So you waded in, trying to separate them without success. Eventually you took to landing punches on them yourself. Both of them stopped wrestling and looked at you in surprise, and you took this opportunity to yell at them, “Get up! Stop this right now and get up!”

You all unentangled yourselves, standing up and rearranging clothes. They sat down on a sofa each, while you stood there glaring at them like a headmistress, arms crossed. “What is it with you two?! You’re like a couple of stags butting heads! And I’m not talking about your stupid amplifier!” you yelled at them and glaring at Aleksander. The two of them mumbled under their breaths and you said loudly, “What? What was that? It better have been ‘we’re sorry we make you act like our mum’ or something like that!”

They both laughed, exchanging glances, and you snapped, “This is no laughing matter! I’m sick of it. It’s like having two children around the place.” Billy composed his face into a serious expression, saying, “Sorry, sweetheart. But you must know that a mother’s the last thing we think of you as.” Aleksander nodded, “For once I agree with that idiot.” He looked intently at you, “We both want you, so that’s never going to end well.”

You felt your face pink up, “I’m not some snack to be fought over!” “Course you’re not, sweetheart,” soothed Billy, “but this idiot thought I’d slept with you so he lost his cool.” “Did not!” roared Aleksander, then his head swung to you, “You didn’t, did you?” “No I did NOT!” you insisted. “But she did kiss me,” smirked Billy. Outraged, you screeched, “You kissed me, if you recall!” Billy just kept on smirking and Aleksander launched himself across the coffee table, grabbing Billy by the throat and hissing, “Just as well for you I can’t use the Cut right now!”

“Oh for god’s sake,” you said, “just stop it, will you?” Aleksander stood up, huffing and smoothing down his t-shirt, sitting down on the other sofa again. “What’s the Cut?” queried Billy. “You don’t wanna know,” you said, “now I’m going to put the TV on for you children because I need to do some housework.” You heard a chuckle from Billy, “Yeah! You could put on a maid’s outfit if ya like?” You flipped him the middle finger, switched on the TV and went back into the kitchen.

You could hear a rumble of voices from the other room, and just hoped that war was not about to break out again. What the hell were you going to do about this situation? You had the feeling it was building to boiling point.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

When you emerged a little later having seen to your domestic tasks, you found the two of them sitting on the floor with your old Monopoly set open in front of them. Aleksander was poring over the instructions and they both turned towards you, “How d’ya play this?” asked Billy. You stared at him, “Now him I could understand but you? You’ve never played Monopoly?” His face fell and he shrugged, “No, they didn’t have it in the orphanage.” Immediately you felt terrible and you’d already said, “Oh I’m sorry, Billy,” before your brain caught up with your mouth and you added sarcastically, “I should’ve known you wouldn’t have had it in your fictional orphanage in your fictional childhood.”

His big dark eyes gazed up at you, “Might be fictional to you, sweetheart but it wasn’t to me.” Now you felt bad again, holding up your hands, “Okay, okay - I really am sorry, alright?” He nodded, looking back down and fidgeting with the little dog and top hat tokens. You joined them on the floor, “You two really want to play?” They solemnly nodded, so you whipped the instructions out of Aleksander’s hands, “Okay, I’ll explain it to you.”

Twenty minutes later, Aleksander huffed as he got sent to Jail again, reached over and grabbed a load of Billy’s houses and hotels and dumped them on his own squares. “That’s you all over, isn’t it?” sneered Billy, “you’re a loser but you can’t stand it so you just grab what you want, brother!” “Oh and you don’t, hmm brother?!” snarked Aleksander.

“Billy, Aleksander!” you yelled, then in your wisdom decided to add, “in fact I’m going to call you ‘Aleks’ as your full name’s too much of a mouthful for when I’m yelling at you!” Aleks grinned at you, “Or when you’ll be screaming it in bed.” Billy eye-rolled, “Like that’s ever goin’ to happen!” “Just watch!” “I don’t go in for watchin’!” “Well, that’s all you’re going to get a chance to do, little brother!” “Little brother!?? You were definitely second - after me!!”

By now, both of them had jumped to their feet and - surprise, surprise - were nose to nose.

You cradled your head in your hands. This was purgatory.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

She’d retreated back onto the kitchen to make another pot of tea, and peace had temporarily broken out between the two warring parties.

A discussion had begun, with Billy starting it off. “She’s gettin’ really pissed off with us.” Aleks nodded, “Yes, I know.” “So what’re we gonna do? She can’t exactly throw us out I know, but I’d like it better if she was lookin’ at us with somethin’ other than disgust.” Aleks nodded, then - quickly looking round to check she was still out of earshot, “Ah… I suppose we could share?” Billy’s head shot up, eyes staring into his twin’s, “Ya what?” “Share. We could share her. Separately… or together.”

Billy’s mouth dropped into an ‘O’. “Share,” he repeated, then again, “share? D’you think she’d go for that?” Aleks nodded. “She likes us, I can tell. We both like her, and that could be a problem - well it has been, hasn’t it? - but if we play it right, I’m pretty sure we can charm her into bed with both of us.”

Billy and Aleks sat looking at each other, satisfied little smiles on their faces.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Unaware that you were now the object of a peace treaty between the twins, you experienced some deja vu when carrying the tea tray into the living room. Both of them were sitting on the one sofa again, gazing up at you with unreadable expressions in their eyes.

You had the nastiest feeling that you’d missed something important while you’d been in the kitchen making tea. What had the two of them been cooking up between themselves? You plonked the tray down on the coffee table and looked at them suspiciously.

“What’re you two up to?” They shook their heads, innocence radiating off them, “ Nothing!” they chorused. Billy continued, “We just decided that we better stop pissin’ you off so much.”

You beamed at them, “That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!” You missed the significant looks exchanged between the two men as you placed the cups of tea in front of them.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed relatively peacefully, with only a few minor skirmishes between the two of them about whatever film or programme you’d put on to watch. And much to your surprise, you realised that they’d actually stopped arguing themselves without you having to step in. Well, that was an improvement at any rate.

For the evening meal you’d rustled up a ragu sauce, and as you didn’t have any spaghetti left you had to use farfalla. So sue me, you thought. Along with some garlic bread you’d heated in the oven, you dished up three portions and then pulled down your space-saving kitchen table, which folded up into the corner of the room when not in use. You got three chairs out of your walk-in cupboard and set them up round the table. “Dinner!” you yelled, and two tall figures came piling into the kitchen. “Mmmm smells great, sweetheart,” schmoozed Billy, sitting down and looking over to where the plates were on the counter. “It does, moi krasivyy,” said Aleks, not to be outdone.

You brought out three bottles of beer from the fridge. You’d almost got over the way food and drinks just replenished themselves as soon as you used or consumed something. Setting them down on the table, you popped the tops off them with the bottle opener and slid one in front of each of them. You noticed they were both looking at you with what could only be described as ‘heart-eyes’, and you squirmed uncomfortably under their gaze. “What’re you both staring at?” you demanded. “Perfection,” said Aleks. “Gorgeousness,” smirked Billy.

After the food had been eaten and beer bottles drained, amidst more effusive compliments about the meal the twins jumped up from the table and said that you needed to go and relax while they washed up the plates. “Thanks for offering, guys, but that’s why I’ve got a dishwasher.” “Well, we’ll load the dishwasher then,” insisted Billy. He took your arm and led you into the living room, “Sit down sweetheart, and just chill while we do the work now.” He gazed at you, and you saw that look in his eyes again - as if you were some kind of earth-bound angel or something.

Right! you thought, just what are these two up to???

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You sighed, leaning over and switching off your bedside lamp. The book you’d been reading wasn’t turning out to be quite what you’d expected. You’d hoped for a bit more… well, raunchier content, not to put too fine a point on it. In that respect, a nun could’ve read it and wouldn’t have blushed.

You’d wondered if you should read a fanfic or two instead - Billy Russo or The Darkling ha ha ha - but then you’d remembered that your wifi and mobile data weren’t working due to this ridiculous situation you found yourself in, so obviously whatever force controlled this… this portal?…didn’t want you contacting the outside world.

You’d fallen asleep quite quickly, laughing to yourself as you did that children were extremely tiring.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The dreams began shortly afterwards, and they were much more vivid than usual.

Your quilt was folded slowly back off you - the rush of cold air was distinctly noticeable - and your top and sleep shorts were peeled off you. You heard deep sighs but you didn’t know who’d made them. Then you were gently rolled onto your back, and you were aware of your mattress dipping down on both sides.

You felt warm skin against your whole body - it almost felt like you were surrounded - and it felt so good that you smiled.

“See! She’s smiling, I told you she’d be fine with it.”

In your dream your brow wrinkled, she’d be fine with what? And who said that?

You felt a tongue lick one of your nipples and a hand squeezed your other breast and then switched - the other nipple was licked, the other breast was squeezed.

You sat bolt upright in bed, and that’s when you realised that you were in fact wide awake.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

In the dim light coming through your gauzy curtains, you could make out two pairs of dark chocolate eyes staring into yours.

“Darling,” said Aleks.

“Sweetheart,” said Billy.

“You fuckers!” you screeched, looking down at your nude body and trying to cover up the relevant bits with your hands and by crossing your legs.

“Too late,” said Billy, giving you a small smile and nodding at your hands which you were still moving around to try and give you maximum coverage.

“We’ve had our hands and mouths on you already,” agreed Aleks.

“Yes and without my permission!” you snapped.

Billy reached across and put on the light. You jumped, feeling like you were under a spotlight, moving your hands about even more frantically. Then Billy’s hands were pulling yours down and away from your breasts.

“Hey!” you yelled at him, and tried to pull your hands out of his but he wouldn’t let go and he was too strong for you.

Now Aleks did his bit, pulling your raised and crossed legs down onto the bed, parting your thighs in your sitting position against your pillows, and then held your legs tightly in position on the bed.

Both men totally consumed you with their eyes, and you were powerless to stop them.

“Oh, darling… you are so, so beautiful,” breathed Aleks.

Billy whispered, “You’re stunning, sweetheart. Absolutely stunning.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“I can’t believe you two!” you were yelling at them, ignoring their compliments and lustful gazes, “Let me go!”

“But you know how much we want you, darling,” Aleks said persuasively.

“Just let us get it out of our systems and things will quieten down,” pleaded Billy, “well, a little bit anyhow.”

“I cannot believe you sneaked into my room!” you hissed, trying to get free from their restraining hands. “Let go of me. Now!!!”

But instead they slid you down the bed until you were flat on your back and then both heads dipped down to your neck, their mouths were on your skin, beginning to kiss and lick and suck.

“Get off me!” you snarled, still trying to get free but you were too firmly held between them - as if you were in a vice. “But we can make you feel so good, darling,” whispered Aleks next to your ear, Billy purring “Soooo very good, sweetheart,” next to the other one.

Then their attention moved slightly southwards. Billy changed his grip on your hands, grasping both your wrists in one big hand instead and pulling your arms up above your head, pinning them down onto your pillows. Aleks moved one of his legs across yours to keep you pinned, and then you saw their hands stealing onto your breasts, squeezing and kneading them before their mouths came into play. Their hands remained on your breasts but each nipple now had one of their mouths fastened onto it, and they began licking, kissing, sucking and biting until you squealed, squirming under them.

Desperately fighting to ignore how good their attentions were beginning to make you feel, you burst out, “Stop it!” but neither of them did. In fact they both stepped up their attentions, biting and licking your nipples and the skin surrounding them until you could hear yourself beginning to gasp uncontrollably.

You caught a look and a nod being exchanged between them, and both of them sat up on their knees. Billy was still holding your wrists and Aleks used one of his knees to keep your leg pinned. Unable to avoid looking at the two lean bodies in front of you, you saw two rampant cocks lying up almost against their stomachs and much to your disgust, you felt a tumultuous wave of arousal wash over you.

They are two very well-endowed boys, your traitorous mind said into your ear. And exactly the same size! - truly twins, it giggled at you. Oh shut up, you silently answered it and get me out of this situation! Of course now it did shut up.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“Sweetheart,” said Billy, cupping your cheek and suddenly kissing you, tongue thrusting into your mouth, breaking away for a second to say, “We’re gonna take real good care of you now.” He went back to kissing you, and you heard a whine from Aleks, “I want to kiss her!” Billy sighed into your mouth and lifted his lips from yours. “Okay, bro,” he said, “all yours. For now.”

Aleks crashed his lips onto yours, his teeth clashing with yours until he calmed down a bit and wasn’t quite so desperate. His tongue slid into your mouth, not quite as assertively as Billy’s but still pretty forceful. You could hear him making little “Mmmm” sounds as he kissed you then he sat back, stroking your lips. “Taste so sweet,” he smiled down at you, “your lips are so soft.”

Aleks sat up on his knees again and as he did so, you felt Billy’s body lay down fully on top of you and he rested his hard cock just for a moment between your legs. His hands took hold of your hips and angled you upwards ever so slightly, then you felt just the head of his cock rubbing against your core. Wetness began to gather and you tutted, trying to squirm away from the insistent teasing, but Billy just chuckled and moved his cock along with you when you managed to move slightly, still rubbing at you.

Aleks’ thumb went to your bottom lip and he gently pulled it down further, opening your mouth to him. He leant over and licked both your lips, sucking on them gently then pushing his tongue inside your mouth. Now he was hovering over you, his erection brushing your lips, the tip starting to edge inside.

Okay, okay, okay, your slightly panicking brain chanted. This was happening. Really going to happen. They were both going to take you right now.

You weren’t 100% sure how you felt about it.

Angry that they were just going to have you whatever you said about it. Excited because they were both very hot, very sexy guys.

But whatever your feelings on the matter, it was inevitable - that much was obvious.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“I promise I’ll make you feel like you’re in heaven, darling,” you heard Aleks say and then Billy chipping in with, “An’ I promise I’ll make you scream my name, sweetheart.”

You closed your eyes, waiting.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@aleksanderwh0r3 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @s1xthirty @tartiflvtte @slythvoid @edithsvoice @paracosmenthusiast @mizelophsun11 @eroda-harry @theshadowkingsqueen @kestrafagnor @thelightinmyshadows

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 8

a/n: okay so since my halloween special was a flop ill write this instead but uwuwuwuwu its also my birthday today so hehe this is kinda a special request too :D

WAIT YOU GUYS THIS IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT IF YOURE NOT A POTTERHEAD BUT OMG I SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS SIRIUS BLACK LIKE WHAT :”) I THINK I SAVED A COUNTRY IN MY PAST LIFE OR SOMETHING :”)

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- IF IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY! omg :0 i think we can all agree that the ramen shop will get GOOD BUSINESS that day. but it was a total surprise when the upperclassmen basically JUMP you after exiting your last class. vball practice? deliberately cancelled cuz today is YOUR day. kyo leading you, iwa making sure your eyes are closed while oikawa keeps teasing you on how you’re letting a group of men take you BLIND (cue the PUNCH). your smile is worth the XXX amount spent c,:

LOOK HOW CUTE MATTSUHANA ARE IN THIS LIKE OMG ITS LIKE IWAOI SPIRIT SWITCHED W THEIRS AND NOW IWAOI HAVE TO PULL THEM APART INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND

okay yay happy birthday to me uwu

i kinda put this request off since my borfday was right around the corner so hahaha to the anon who requested this, here it is!!!

okay anyways!!!

so today is your borfday

obvs this could be any day lmao it doesnt have to be today but it can be any day just pretend the calendar was different lmao

you were born today and your parents and natsu obvs celebrated it the morning you woke up

like you were peacefully holding your squirtle plushie and snuggling close to get more sleep bc it was still early

but natsu quite literally kicked your door down and your parents walked in with a large cake with candles

STEPBRO WHAT ARE YOU-

okay ill stop now

ofc you were startled bc what the hek 

like you were so surprised that you rolled off the bed and landed harshly on the floor

instead of being yanno ‘yey! its my borfday!’ you were like ‘dear asahi kill me’

waking you up at the buttcrack of dawn?

lmao 10/10 not recommend

natsu felt really bad and he pulled you up from the floor and situated you back on the bed while your parents backtracked back downstairs

‘ohmygosh babygirl im so sorry i didnt mean to hulk smash you to the floor’

im sorry sir what 💀

this whore

you waved him off but he still felt guilty so he just pressed kisses to your forehead to soothe it

meanwhile youre just leaning against him, eyes closed, bc you grew up with natsu always doing this whenever you got hurt so it was such a soff moment for you

eventually, he was able to bring you downstairs and your parents were lowkey scared lmao but you smiled at them

‘thank you for the cake’

they breathed a sigh of relief and you sat down on the chair to eat breakfast

‘here darling’

you accepted the bowl of rice from your madre and you ate your birthday breakfast with them while yall are saving the cake for later during dinner

when you finished, you were getting up and shouting up the stairs that you were showering first

hehe natsu was all like ‘lmao why? its like 4 in the morning’

you froze, foot hovering over a step and you sighed

‘excuse me what 💀‘

yea no

you were dragged back to the kitchen and you were all pouty bc duh who the hek wants to wake up that early but your parents saved themselves by giving you your parents early

(literally anything you guys want they gave you okay? but only like 3 lmao not a bajillion things)

you were still grateful for everything and you felt very much appreciated

since it was still early, you just decided to screw it and got ready to go to school early and set up the gym for early morning practice

natsu volunteered to go with you to school but you shook your head

‘nah, im okay. the walk is peaceful’

he huffed, crossing his arms, but nodded anyways

‘fine. only because its your birthday’

hehehehe the amount of freedom during your day of birth

you were of course the first one in the gym but you didnt mind bc you actually liked the quietness that was so rare inside there

you turned on some (f/m) (lmao favorite/music) and you were sweeping, unknowingly swaying and dancing slightly

at around 5:40, the third years have arrived and since theyre the eldest, they usually get there first

omg the blush explosion on their faces when they saw you twirling around with the mop and ofc oikawa being the little poopie head he is, he swooped in and held your waist

you got startled but seeing the soft brown eyes of your captain made a soft smile appear on your face

‘hello, oikawa-san’

you whispered and he nuzzled his face to the side of your head softly

‘morning, y/n-chan’

before he could go on, iwa threw him away behind him and you giggled

mattsun raised an eyebrow at your odd behavior

‘hm? why are you so happy today, y/n-chan?’

you stopped then chuckled

‘nothing much, mattsun-san’

you didnt really want to tell them it was your birthday bc tbh you didnt think it was a big deal or anything

the others werent complaining bc they rarely see you so lively and upbeat and they loved it

you were humming under your breath for gods sake

the other boys have trickled in and again, they also went ‘?’

your soft smiles, giggles, and joy was everything to them 

god bless for this beautiful morning

poor kindaichi cowered in fright as he braced himself for a scolding from you for missing a block but he got even more scared when you just patted his head

‘its okay, yuu-kun. there’s always a next time’

yea there was something wrong

unfortunately, school was starting and they weren’t able to start questioning you and there aint no way kindaichi and kunimi were going to do that themselves without the upperclassmen who could calm you down if you got too defensive

you were skipping down the hallway and you even looped your arms around your first year friends and they shared a confused look before being dragged by you

during class, darling kunimi was too busy and distracted by your quiet singing of some show that takeru watched when you were over

‘KUNIMI-SAN, IS MATH SO BORING THAT YOU FIND INTEREST ON L/N-SAN INSTEAD?’

yes, yes it is

but he didnt say that and instead turned away so fast that you felt the wind beside you

DID A 180 CRAZY~~~

he texted the separate bros group chat about you still being all happy and they were all curious as to what makes you so happy

during lunch time, kindaichi usually went over to go eat with you and kunimi right?

but he was surprised when he just saw kunimi there without you

‘wh-’

‘i dont know’

‘what do you mean you dont know?!’

nah fam we not dying yet

natsu texted you earlier that he had a bento for you that he made himself and he wanted you to eat it instead of the one your mom made

you were passing by the building entrance door thingy and caught the attention of the third years who were at the rooftop eating their lunch

there was also other students outside and they watched your flowery aura skip over to the equally attractive hiroshi natsu

‘y/n-chan~’

he cooed and you smiled up at him

curse him and his tall height

he let you hold the f/c cloth covered box so he could cup your face and kiss over your booboo again

‘wo mow, matsu-’

translation: no more, natsu!

you whined as he kept kissing your forehead and you were turning red at the attention from the other students

dang oikawa crushed his juice box at the sight even though he knew natsu was just a cousin

‘ill save you, y/n-chan!’

he shouted, already flying down the stairs towards you and the other third years after him to keep him from doing something stupid

but they also lowkey wanna see you too

but by the time they reached the entrance, you were already walking away and even passed by the quartet, giving them a close-eyed smile and a cute ‘hello!’

the 3 were distracted by you and were coddling you while oikawa ran out and shouted after natsu’s retreating form

‘natsu! oi, natsu!’

as if the boy was purposely ignoring him, natsu kept walking forward

‘HIROSHI NATSU!’

his scream finally made him turn around and natsu’s face held a teasing smirk

‘oya? chibi-chan?’

KDJFSLFDFKDSJKFD YES YOU CALLED?

oikawa huffed and panted as he firmly walked over to natsu

‘tell me, hiroshi natsu. why is y/n-chan all cutesy and happy today?’

then the smirk fell, replaced by an actual, genuine annoyed look

‘hah?’

oikawa blinked

‘what do you mean ‘hah’?’

natsu waved his hands around in a frenzy of shock

‘so you mean to tell me, you, oikawa tooru, the dude who literally woke up the neighborhood at the buttcrack of dawn a few weeks ago, in love with my cousin, doesn’t know what today is?’

‘was i supposed to,,,, know?’

KSDLFJSDKFJDS THIS DUDE

natsu’s face became a meme and the guy was so disappointed that he just turned around and continued walking

oikawa gasped and clutched natsu’s arm, begging and pleading to tell him

ofc the little shite natsu is, he smirked down at oikawa’s kneeling form

‘hmm, gotta say, chibi-kun. i like this view~’

KDSLFJSDKFJLSDKFJDKS WHOS CHILD ARE YOU, HIROSHI NATSU

‘tell me, natsu-chan!’

the puppy eyes of oikawa tooru not only affected girls but also boys fully socked homosexual boys so natsu had to turn away, fighting down a blush

stay loyal to katsuki

stay loyal to katsuki

stay loyal to katsuki

wait, no, probably tetsu

or kenma

or both

or keiji

‘-me! natsu-chan!’

that snapped the pink-haired boy out of his thoughts and crossed his arms, glaring down at oikawa

‘hm, why do you wanna know so bad? youre on your knees, begging me for information you shouldve already known since you claim to like her so much’

oikawa pouted and he sniffled

‘i wanna know everything about y/n-chan. i wanna know what today is so i can make her as happy as she is today forever!’

‘youre so cheesy’

natsu chided and oikawa pouted even harder causing natsu to sigh and pinch his nose

‘the girl was born today’

oikawa’s face lit up and he hurriedly stood on his feet, hands on natsu’s biceps since he could barely reach natsu’s shoulders bc of his 6′5 height

‘its her birthday today?!’

‘i literally just said that-’

‘oh my gosh! we need to plan something!’

oikawa started but then frowned

‘but we’re in school so it would be too late to do a surprise when we finish’

his mumbles 

filled their vicinity and natsu finally realized where exactly they were so he tugged the still mumbling boy over to the side out of people’s view

ohmygosh if i saw 2 handsome, tall, hot boys there, id be staring too omg

‘oi, oikawa’

he still didnt budge until natsu had to kick him at the leg

rip not his knee yall

tooru flinched and hatefully glared at the boy but natsu pointedly glared at him right back

‘before you start bitching to me, i was just gonna suggest i can help you and your little plan to woo my baby cousin’

as if he wasn’t irritated in the first place, tooru lit up and he excitedly clung onto natsu

‘really? you’ll really help me?’

natsu rolled his eyes and tried to pry the brunette off of him but he felt the grip tighten

‘listen, oikawa, as much as i like having pretty boys hang on to me, i’d really appreciate if you just back off a bit and actually understand what im saying’

can i just say how long their lunch break is?

and not at natsu trying to get with oikawa and oikawa completely missing it

‘you can go do your education scam system thing while i can go set things up over at that one noodle place she likes’

natsu explained

oikawa was about to smile until he paused and leaned away

‘theres a catch. i know theres a catch’

then natsu smirked, confirming oikawa’s suspicion

‘ill think about what i really want but for now, i just wanna see that one doggie boy you guys have. also, your friend with the big arms’

lmao imagine the surprise in oikawa’s face

‘YOU GO FOR THEM BUT NOT ME?!’

‘why? you want me to?’

‘YES! i mean, well-no but YES!’

‘*sigh*’

thats how oikawa ended up telling the boys about the last minute birthday surprise for you and the help from natsu

‘yea, apparently its her birthday. also, iwa-chan, kyoken-chan, you need to talk to natsu-chan’

‘hah?! why?!’

‘THAT IDIOT?!’

you were minding your own business during class until you saw kunimi raise his hand

‘yes, kunimi-kun?’

‘bathroom’

normally, you wouldve just looked away but you noticed him grab his bag when the teacher wasn’t looking which prompted you to sigh since he was skipping class

i mean, whats the point of skipping class when the day is about to be over in like 15 minutes anyways?

‘make sure to come to practice’

you whispered when he passed and he smiled, making you raise an eyebrow bc that was a smile you knew that had a hidden meaning behind it

when the bell rang, everyone nyoomed themselves out of there and you were just walking past the door when a body came crashing to you which made you distracted and allowed a chance of vulnerability

there was a pair of hands covered your eyes from behind, hands grabbed your own from in front, and an arm around your waist started to guide you forward

‘um, just so you know, i have the power of god, anime, and iwa-san by my side and i wont hesitate to kick you in the di-’

‘its so cute when y/n-chan threatens us’

a voice from in front of you hums and you smiled

‘you wont think im really cute once youre on the floor clutching your di-’

‘oi, y/n, ill wash your tongue with soap’

‘yes, iwa-san’

you continued to walk, completely trusting at the hands of your boys, when you felt yourself being pulled to turn a corner

‘iwa-san? aren’t we going to the gym? why are we exiting the gates?’

the boys exchanged a look of amazement at your sense of intuition and the accuracy of your guess despite being deprived of your senses

‘dont think you can lie to us, y/n-chan! how could you not tell us its your birthday today?!’

you heard mattsun a few feet in front of you whine and you giggled

‘its not important’

then kyotani scoffed, you knowing it was him by feeling him twitch by the arm around your waist

‘boke, of course its important’

‘so your punishment for lying to us, we’re kidnapping you’

makki teased and you rolled your eyes beneath iwa’s hands

‘oh, shiver me timbers’

the walk continued, you still being dragged around, and you heard oikawa laugh

‘oh dear, its a sight to see, ain’t it? if only you can see the looks people are giving us, y/n-chan~ a group of boys taking a little girl like you? how could you trust us to not do something to you-ACK!’

you cut him off when you lifted your foot to kick right where it hurts the most

forget his weewee

its the knee

poor child crumbled to the floor and had to be picked up by baby watari

‘oh wata-cchi, youre the only one who cares about oikawa-san!’

you heavily sighed at the exagerrated theatrics of your captain

‘the one day. the one day when he could be a normal person for once’

you grumbled but stopped when you heard iwa laugh by your ear

‘he’s right you know. you technically lied to us when we asked if there was something special’

you shivered and you leaned your head back

‘its okay, iwa-san. we can talk about it after this event. make sure to give me my present, okay?’

SKDLFJSDKFJDSKFLDS GIRL NO I CANT I WANNA JUMP-

but iwa chuckled and he promised you that you would love his present

kyotani’s arm tightened around you, as if prompting you that he was still there and he wanted your attention too

‘careful there, pup’

he warned when you almost tripped over air

‘hehe, i know ill always be safe when youre next to me, kyo-san’

you teased and he was lucky your eyes were covered bc you would see the way his cheeks tinted red

‘s-shut up, idiot! maybe i shouldve just let you fall and hit your head! not like its gonna do damage since theres nothing there anyways!’

you just giggled and he retaliated by pinching your waist to which you squealed and gripped his hands

then the smell of the ramen broth entered your nose

‘are we-?’

‘nope! not there yet, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice made you whine and complain but then he stopped, making everyone else stop too

‘okay, iwa-chan, kyoken-chan, release her!’

both grumbled something about you being treated like a pokemon but stopped when your eyes widened and contorted into confusion

‘huh?’

oikawa grinned and your eyes met to see the way his eyes crinkled, a tell-tale sign that this one was a rare genuine smile

‘come on! lets go!’

you let him take you inside the restaurant until your feet stopped, eyes wide when you noticed the streamers and the cake by the corner

your parents stood with natsu by the table and a large smile decorated your face

‘you,, you did this for me?’

you whispered and the team made noises of agreement

‘we had to do something for you to celebrate the day you were born. its a special day because you came into the world and we were able to meet you’

yahaba grinned and you gave him a big hug but you leaned back a bit so that the others would know you’re talking to them too

‘everyone, thank you. i love you’

they all scoffed a bit to hide their flustered state but they still smiled and each gave you a hug

‘oi! come here and eat the food! oikawa’s paying today!’

natsu shouted, which caught the attention of some customers in the restaurant, but they just ignored it bc theyve seen you and the team so many times that yall practically lived there

‘what?! i didnt-’

oikawa started but your mother came up to him and clasped her hands to his, sharing the same exact grin you have

‘you must be oikawa tooru. y/n has told me loads about you’

excuse him while he descends to heaven bc your mother is practically another you

iwa was already acquainted with your dad so they started talking and you just stood back, observing your two families interact with each other

you were so unbelievably happy that it hurts

kindaichi noticed you and he slinked away from the debate between makki and mattsun to go sling an arm around you

‘so? what do you think?’

you turned to him with glassy eyes

‘im so blessed. so blessed to have these amazing people with me’

poor babie panicked a bit bc he didnt really know how to comfort a crying girl but he just wrapped his arms around you

‘hehe, its kinda the other way around actually. we’re blessed to have someone like you’

he whispered and you giggled then playfully hit his shoulder

‘so cheesy, yuu-kun’

he leaned away from the hug and gave you an offended look

‘but its true! i dont know what we did to have-’

‘Y/N-CHAN! NO! HELP!’

oikawa shouted from the other side, cutting off your soft moment with kindaichi

‘what are you doing, natsu?’

you noticed your cousin wrapping his arms around your captain and trying to drag him away but poor tooru was scrambling to escape

‘we made a deal, didnt we, darling~? i know what i want now and youre going to have to give me you’

oikawa screamed

a/n: can we please pretend i posted this on november 3? bc i was dumb and forgot to post this and KLDJLSDKFJDSKD IM SO ANGRY but its okay at least i am able to publish this haha

[meltingheartsandcores]

This is just something that came from a different story I’m writing, so, it’s just a one shot. And it’s not really editted (sorry). 

 This is A/B/O, with Omega wwx and Alpha lwj, but honestly it doesn’t really show up much, like it’s not a focal point of the story for the most part, it’s just kind of, there. There’s minor NieLan, and past wangxian with hopeful future wangxian (hopeful future IMO), and it’s modern non cultivation!

 Other than that, enjoy? And if you have questions feel free to hop into my inbox.

It had been years.

Five, to be exact.

Wei Wuxian wouldn't lie and say Lan Wangji never entered his mind, he did almost constantly. But he had long accepted he would never see the Alpha again. Lan Qiren had made it rather clear he was to never contact Lan Wangji again.

That hadn't been a pleasant conversation. Well. Argument.

For once Wei Wuxian was glad he was no longer in contact with the Jiangs, even if it wasn’t for long, he'd hate for them to have been involved. He's not entirely sure who's side Madam Yu would've been on, but he hoped she would've been on his. Although, if she was, he's not entirely confident Lan Qiren would still be walking around. Lan Qiren might be a hard ass, but he had nothing on Madam Yu.

He should write Nie Huaisang. See how the Jiang's are doing.

"Are you alright?"

Wei Wuxian blinks, brought back to the present, silently filing the idea to write Nie Huaisang for later, and looks up at Lan Xichen. Who he had just run into. Literally.

Wei Wuxian ignores the hand and stands on his own, "Perfectly. Just distracted. Sorry to bother you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding and turning, deciding he could get A-Yuan's candy later, after the milk. He had made it a few steps before Lan Xichen grabbed his arm. Wei Wuxian tenses, snapping around with a glare on his face before he registers that Lan Xichen isn't going to attack him. Not physically at least. So he lets the glare fall. "Sorry."

Lan Xichen drops his hand, "No, I should not have grabbed you. I apologize." An apology from a Lan. Maybe he died.

A-Yuan would be heartbroken. A-Yu probably doesn't know what Death is and probably wouldn't understand for a few years.

Lan Xichen was talking. Wei Wuxian should be listening, not thinking of his death. Lan Xichen smiles, as he normally does, "You were not listening."

"Sorry. My brain drifts, it pissed your uncle off to end, remember?" Wei Wuxian says, shrugging.

Lan Xichen nods, "Uncle seemed to anger easily around you, yes. I was wondering if you had the time, we could talk. Perhaps over tea?"

He can't ask for alcohol instead. For one, Lans don't drink. For two, he has to pick A-Yu and A-Yuan up in half an hour.

"I have a half hour, I guess we could finish up shopping and go to the Starbucks down the block." Lan Xichen's eyes tighten at the mention of Starbucks, which makes Wei Wuxian remember the heavily disturbed and deer-in-headlight look Lan Wangji had when Wei Wuxian dragged him there. Repeatedly.

Lan Wangji never seemed to get used to Starbucks.

None of the Lans seem to like it either.

Lan Xichen nods though, so Wei Wuxian does a U-turn to grab the candy he promised A-Yuan and then made a bee-line for the two other things he was missing. He loses Lan Xichen at some point, but when he gets to the check out, Lan Xichen is waiting by the door with a bag.

Wei Wuxian smiles at the Cashier, Mingyu, who seemed slightly concerned for him. But Wei Wuxian waves off the concern, even when Mingyu decides to ask, "Is he a friend or should I call security?"

Wei Wuxian considers this, Lan Xichen isn't a friend, but security isn't necessary. Wei Wuxian grins when he comes to a response, that's both honest and fun, "He's Daiyu's uncle." Wei Wuxian informs, finishing with his payment and taking his items. "See you in a week Mingyu!" Wei Wuxian calls as the other man is clearly trying to figure out how he hasn't met this uncle until now.

"A friend?" Lan Xichen asks as they walk down the road.

"Eh, more I'm a regular." Wei Wuxian shrugs. He only talks to Mingyu when he buys groceries. Not much other reason to talk to the teenager.

Especially since he tends to remind Wei Wuxian that, uh, he is only twenty-two.

That's not something he particularly likes to remember. Especially when he's on his way to pick up his kids. He looks older enough that none of the other parents comment on him being A-Yu and A-Yuan's brother, and none of them comment on the utter shame of having a child at seventeen. And presumably fourteen if A-Yuan was actually birthed from him. As he so often jokes, especially after A-Yuan learnt where babies came from.

A-Yuan thinks it's funny.

Wen Qing thinks it's stupid.

But it's meant to entertain the eight year old so it's not a problem.

"So you live around here." Lan Xichen comments, more to himself than to Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian has to mentally curse himself. For five years, no Lan has known where he lived. No one from that life knew where he was except Nie Huaisang. And for all he can be a coward, Wei Wuxian knows he wouldn't have given away his location to anyone.

But he just confirmed to Lan Xichen that he lived in this town.

Fuck.

"What're you doing here?" Wei Wuxian asks, opening the door for Lan Xichen and gesturing for the man to enter the Starbucks. Lan Xichen gives him a tight smile and enters, clearly not liking being inside the store.

Tough. Wei Wuxian doesn't want to be having this conversation, neither of them get to be comfortable. Wei Wuxian follows Lan Xichen in, walking up to the register and ordering a drink with a smile before turning to Lan Xichen for his order. Which he gives with a tense smile. The barista nods, repeats the order back and then Lan Xichen pays, because this was his idea and Wei Wuxian would much rather be at home right now.

They amble over to a table to wait for their drinks to be made. Well. Lan Xichen got his at the till since it was just a Green Tea, but they have to wait for Wei Wuxian's. Might as well get this chat over with.

"The Nie have a lakehouse a mile out of town." Oh right. Oh fuck. "Mingjue and I are having a little vacation." Lan Xichen says in response to his earlier question.

"And you came to get some groceries."

"Just a little. Mingjue will be back for the rest." Lan Xichen winces when he sips at his tea, clearly not liking it. He sets his cup aside, "You know, Huaisang seemed very against us going to this partical vacation house."

Oh for fucks sake. "Huaisang's specialty isn't subtly." Wei Wuxian says with a shrug, then stands and gets his drink when the barista calls out his name.

Lan Xichen waits for him to sit back down. "No, it isn't. Might I ask, why Huaisang knows where you are when no one else does?"

"I don't like the Jin. I don't want to burden the Jiang. The Lan want nothing to do with me." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Nie Huaisang is the only friend I have left." Outside of the friends he now lives with. Wei Wuxian sips at his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brows twitch in a furrow before smoothing out, "What do you mean we want nothing to do with you.

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow, "Was there a part of Lan Qiren's order that was unclear?"

Wei Wuxian's response only seems to confuse him further. "I believe, there has been some miscommunication." Lan Xichen suggests politely.

"Not really." Wei Wuxian refutes. "Lan Qiren told me to get the fuck out and never contact any of you again. Not much room for miscommunication."

"He said what?" Lan Xichen asks, sounding light and a little confused. But Wei Wuxian had spent enough time around Lan Wangji, and hence Lan Xichen since Lan Xichen was Lan Wangji's favoured company, to know he was getting very pissed off.

Huh.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, too little too late, in his opinion. It's been five years. "It was shortly after I left the Jiang, I went to stay with Lan- Wangji." Wei Wuxian catches himself before using the familiar address. Lan Xichen seemed to catch the slip up too. "Just for the night. The departure went a little more explosively than I meant for it to, I came to spend the night. Lan Qiren told me to leave and never return, that Lan Wangji wanted nothing more to do with me. Not to contact anyone in the family. Obviously I argued, but I had already argued with Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang that night, so, he won. I left. And then a week later he sent me two hundred thousand Yuan." That wasn't a pleasant night to remember. It wasn't a pleasant week. He found out he was pregnant, then the Wen shit happened, and he was moving across the country with Wen Ning and his family. Wei Wuxian shrugs again, drinking his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brow furrows slowly, and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Uncle told us nothing about this. All Wangji and I have known is that you left the Jiang and disappeared. Wangji certainly didn't say anything about not wanting your company anymore." Lan Xichen seemed offended at the very idea.

Oh.

Huh.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

Oh fuck.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

But he probably will. When he tells him about A-Yu.

Fuck.

"Is everything okay?" Lan Xichen asks, making clear that Wei Wuxian's panic is clear on his face.

"Um." Wei Wuxian swallows, twisting the paper cup in his hands, "In theory. If, uh, when I left, I had been uh," No. Nope. He can't think of a good way to say this. He checks the time. "Uh, do you have twenty minutes?"

"I'm supposed to meet with Mingjue in ten."

"Great. Uh. Meet me at the park with the giant octopus sculpture in fifteen, bring Da ge, I need to drop my groceries off at my house." Wei Wuxian doesn't wait for Lan Xichen to agree, picking up his groceries and hurrying out.

When he gets home, he dumps the groceries on the counter, giving Wen Qing a quick, "Lan Xichen's in town and he's metting A-Yu and A-Yuan, see you in fiften minutes. Thanks bye!" before running back out, not responding to her shout of 'what' that followed.

When he gets to the octopus sculpture, he doesn't have to wait long fo Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue to show up, thankfully. He bounces over to them, the nervous energy coursing through him a little too much to keep still. "Hi Dage."

"Wuxian." Nie Mingjue greets, as if Wei Wuxian hasn't been off the grid for five years and was still popping into his house every other weekend to do weird shit with Nie Huaisang.

Nice to know somethings don't change.

"What is it you wanted to show us?" Lan Xichen asks politely.

"Um, this way." Wei Wuxian takes them to the school, which was only a few minutes away.

"A school." Nie Mingjue deadpans.

Wei Wuxian looks at the other parents waiting, a few of them looking back at the group with furrowed brows. One of the mothers makes a very harsh 'come here' gesture, so Wei Wuxian turns to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen, "Uh, I'll be right back. Don't move." He was clearly confusing the pair, but they nod so he rushes off to Mrs. Yang.

"Is that Daiyu's father? Other father?" Mrs. Yang demands, almost glaring at Lan Xichen.

"It's his older brother." Wei Wuxian corrects with a tight smile. "Please don't go yell at him."

"Oh, his family decides it's okay for you to raise a child for five years on your own, and I shouldn't yell?" Mrs. Yang demands, already gearing up to go.

"Uh, I'm, about to tell him Daiyu exists."

Mrs. Yang blinks, clearly taken aback. "Wei Wuxian." Wei Wuxian flinches at her tone, oh no. He's in trouble. "Did you not tell the Alpha family you were pregnant?"

"In my defence," because he needed one if he wanted to survive, "their uncle had already told me their family wanted nothing to do with me before he found out I had gotten pregnant. I don't think that opinion would've been changed in my favour. Given we were seventeen, and unmated."

Mrs. Yang hmphs, but nods. "Fine. But if he seems anything less than overjoyed, I'll be having words."

"Yes Mrs. Yang. Thank you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding. He meant it. Mrs. Yang was one of the more supportive parents. Like Granny Wen she had more or less started treating him like family.

It probably helped that her eldest was only two years younger than Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian smiles and then hurries back to Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue as the elder grades started to be let out.

"I'm sorry, do you babysit?" Lan Xichen asks, clearly very confused. Nie Mingjue doesn't seem to be much better.

"Uh. Sometimes." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Not today." His answer only served further confusion, but he wasn't paying much attention to the pair. Instead to his incoming missile.

"Xian-gege!" Wen Yuan yells, and Wei Wuxian picks up the eight-year old as the boy had launched himself at Wei Wuxian.

"A-Yuan! My, I think you've grown!"

Wen Yuan pouts, "You saw me this morning gege! I haven't grown at all!"

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Hmm, nope! You've grown a full inch! I know it."

"No! A-Yuan hasn't grown at all!" Wen Yuan counters, pouting more deeply. Ah, not in the mood to be teased today. Okay.

"Ah, ah yes. A-Yuan is correct." Wei Wuxian agrees, and puts A-Yuan down. "A-Yuan, this is Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue. They're old friends." Wei Wuxian introduces.

Wen Yuan was half through a bored wave when he actually looked at Nie Mingjue and his eyes utterly lit up. "You're so tall!"

Nie Mingjue barely blinked, very used to this reaction, but he seemed delighted at A-Yuan's very prescence. "Yes." Seeing as A-Yuan was practically vibrating, Wei Wuxian gently encourages him, and really that was all that was necessary before A-Yuan was attached to Nie Mingjue's leg and asking a million questions a minute.

Nie Mingjue seemed amused, and politely answered every question he caught.

With A-Yuan distracted, Wei Wuxian looks around the schoolyard for his other charge. Normally Daiyu would be attached to his leg by now. He finally spots her hiding by a tree, or, behind a tree. Her eyes widen when they meet his, and he waves her over. She hesitates, but eventually decides to come over. She walks, and then runs the last little bit, entirely hiding behind Wei Wuxian's legs, peeking a little to look at Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen had frozen.

As expected, given Daiyu's golden eyes.

"Daiyu, this is Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen is your Bobo." Daiyu seemed very doubtful of that, making almost the exact same expression Lan Wangji did when Wei Wuxian had tried to convince him necromancy was a perfectly viable career path. Wei Wuxian would like to be offended. "I'm telling the truth."

"I thought Baba's family didn't want anything to do with us." Daiyu counters, doubt clear.

Ai. Who told her that? They didn't but still. "Who told you that?"

"Qing-jie."

...Ok. Wei Wuxian wasn't going to yell at Wen Qing for telling Daiyu that. Even if he wanted to. He was going to call her a liar.

"Well, she's wrong." Wei Wuxian crouches, turning to pick Daiyu up before standing straight. "It's complicated, and something I'll talk to you about in private. But Lan Xichen hasn't been able to be around until now."

Daiyu narrows her eyes but shrugs, "Fine." She didn't sound fine. But Wei Wuxian was not about to argue with a five year old. Not in public.

"Ok. Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, this is Wei Daiyu."

"Hi."

"Hello."

Daiyu looks at Wei Wuxian before responding, "Hello."

Well. This was awkward. And Lan Xichen looked like he was about to faint. "Why don't we go to the park?" A-Yuan seemed all for that idea. A-Yu looked like she'd rather not but when Wei Wuxian put her down she ran with A-Yuan toward the park. Wei Wuxian lead the adults in following after them.

While the kids played at the Octopus park, Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen sat down at a bench, as Wen Yuan had dragged Nie Mingjue into their game.

"You were pregnant."

Wei Wuxian nods. "Lan Qiren didn't know. I, didn't know, until a week after that argument." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "I took Lan Qiren's words to heart, and didn't contact Lan Zhan about her."

"But you told Huaisang." Lan Xichen states.

Wei Wuxian blinks, "Huaisang doesn't know. I only talk to Huaisang for updates on the Jiang." And other things, but, mostly the Jiang. Once or twice Lan Wangji, but not all that often. He probably wouldn't take it well if Nie Huaisang sent back that Lan Wangji had gotten married.

"You, didn't tell anyone?"

"Nope. You're the first person outside of this town that knows." Wei Wuxian shrugs, and Lan Xichen just, stops. Wei Wuxian worries he's broken him, but soon enough Lan Xichen shakes his head.

"I can't- Apologies, this is a lot to process."

"How do you think Lan Zhan will react?" He's expecting anger. That's what some of the other omegan parents tell him to expect, whenever he considers sending Lan Wangji a message about Daiyu. No Alpha ever takes a pup being kept from them well. That's what they always say.

Lan Xichen's eyes widen, then he winces slightly, "I imagine, you are the not the one to worry about Wangji's reaction." Eh? "I'm sure he'll be happy. Saddened to have missed her first few years, but happy none the less."

Wei Wuxian opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure how to phrase his question before giving up and just asking, "Is he with anyone?"

Lan Xichen blinks and turns to look at Wei Wuxian, confused for a moment before understand dawns and he shakes his head slightly, "No. Uncle has tried for arrangements, but Wangji refuses them all. but I'm certain if you contact him, he'll be happy to see you." (Lan Xichen does not mention that he's rather confident Lan Wangji will immediately run to Wei Wuxian's side and help in raising Daiyu if Wei Wuxian even hints that that is what he wants. That seems a little much for right now.)

Wei Wuxian nods, not entirely believing that, but not willing to argue. "Now I just have to get Daiyu to come around." He did not expect his daughter to be the stickler here. Then again, Wen Qing had made her opinion on Lan Qiren years ago and wasn't quiet about it.

"She's aware of what Uncle said?" Lan Xichen asks.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Uh, my friend, Wen Qing, yeah, that Wen Qing, I'm living with her family, long story, anyways, Wen Qing knows, and she holds very unfavourable opinions about it and she's not quiet about them. So, even if Daiyu doesn't know the full story, Wen Qing has given her enough to go on that she's formed her own, unfavourable opinion." Wei Wuxian shrugs, he couldn't really argue against it. Up until half an hour ago, he was rather confident the Lan's hated him and wanted nothing to do with him.

Now he has to explain a five year misunderstanding to his daughter.

Fun.

“I have to tell Wangji what you just told me.” Lan Xichen states, clearly not looking forward to that conversation.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, “It’s Lan Zhan, he’ll make a displeased face and not talk for a week.” It wasn’t that big of deal. Lan Wangji doesn’t do grudges, not really. At least, he didn’t five years ago.

Lan Xichen’s face was pure pity, which Wei Wuxian didn’t understand but it was gone before Wei Wuxian could formulate a question. “Do you want us around or shall we leave you alone?”

Oh. Wei Wuxian hadn’t considered that. “Um, maybe leave us alone for tomorrow? I guess I can give you my number and, if A-Yu is agreeable you guys can hang around. If it won’t mess up your vacation.” Because, who wants to spend their vacation with their little brother’s ex and daughter?

“That would be wonderful.” Lan Xichen says, pulling out his own phone and letting Wei Wuxian type in his number. Wei Wuxian then texts himself so he’d have the number on his phone too. “We should be getting back, I believe Mingjue wanted to stop by the butcher and they close at five.”

“Yes, they do. Because he needs to eat supper and spend time with his kids.” He kne Changpu, he was nice. Stodgy, but nice.

Lan Xichen nods and stands up, walking over to the playing trio and speaking quietly to Mingjue, he bids goodbye to the children, before the pair start walking away, they wave goodbye to Wei Wuxian, which he returns, and then they disappear.

Then, Daiyu runs up to him, “A-Niang, does that mean A-Die doesn’t hate us? Will he come live with us? Will we see Xi-bo a lot? Are they going to live with us? Like Granny and Uncle Four?”

Fuck.

Upon returning to the cabin, Lan Xichen’s day wasn’t going any better. Nie Mingjue was cooking supper, so Lan Xichen was alone with the decision to call Lan Wangji about Wei Wuxian. Obviously, he would. How much to say though?

Wangji, as it turns out, would make that decision for him.

After exchanging greetings, Lan Xichen barely got out, “So I ran into Wei Wuxian today in the city near where Mingjue and I are vacationing.” Before the call was dropped. Lan Xichen blinked, staring at his phone where it said ‘Call Ended’, meaning Wangji hung up on him. Lan Wangji hung up without a word. Without letting Lan Xichen finish. He was never so rude. He normally at least made a sound to indicate a goodbye. Nie Mingjue laughed at him when Lan Xichen explained why he was so flabbergasted.

Lan Wangji showed up the next morning.

[painless-innit-colourful]

‘Two Down, One To Go’ - part 1

My biggest gripe with how late the three canon lives system was brought in is that the early deaths never got the weight they deserved in canon. So I fixed that. The night of L’Manberg’s independence is the biggest party any of them have ever attended, but Tommy’s not in a merry mood. Tubbo finds out why. Featuring a little headcanon about how a person knows how many lives they have left.

part two | part three

---

Night of Independence

“One, two, three, four, five-” His heart was racing, fingers tightening on the bowstring. There was a kind of dread in his heart like never before. Not only was Dream a better shot than him; he knew it. And to bet both the future of his country and one of his discs on his abilities…

“-six, seven, eight, nine-” His arms ached; his whole body ached. Bruises and scrapes and barely healed gashes littered his limbs from Eret’s betrayal. That b*stard. He snuck a glance at his fellows. They’d all lost so much today. All their things, a war, a country; not to mention a life apiece. Something had erupted inside of him when they’d woken back in the camarvan with a tally mark each: something red and explosive. And they returned his gaze, Tubbo and Fundy watching with bated breath. He couldn’t see Wilbur from the direction he was facing, but he imagined his expression was about the same. Fear, apprehension and just the smallest sliver of hope.

“-Ten paces fire!” And then it died, for the second time in twenty-four hours. As did Tommy.

The mood around the campfire was merry. Wilbur had poured them all drinks (watered down for everyone but him, especially Fundy) and was currently leading him and Tubbo in a half-drunk singalong of something that had started as the L’Manberg anthem, that had since devolved into innuendos about explosions and jokes about ‘independance’, though they kept in the parts with the names and the ‘it’s a very real and not blown up L’Manberg’. Tommy tried to have a good time, shouting “F*ck Eret!” every time that line came up, but the feeling was bittersweet. He slipped his hand inside his shirt and felt the tiny ridges. Two tallies. He hadn’t told the others yet. They’d given him enough pity when he’d told them how he’d traded away the discs. He didn’t need them fawning over him for this as well.

Unfortunately, it seemed he hadn’t been subtle enough. Tubbo sat down beside him, out of breath from dancing and grinning at Wilbur’s antics, and the first thing he laid his eyes on when he looked to Tommy was his hand inside his shirt. Tommy internally cursed himself and quickly removed it, but Tubbo had already latched onto the topic, “Feels weird doesn’t it?”

“Hm?” “The… Death mark.” A slight tremor passed over him, his eyes wandering down to where his own sat. The marks always showed just below a person’s collarbone, on the left side of the chest, close to the heart. “Maybe not weird but… I never expected to have one this- this early.” His words hung in the night air. They were both just kids, Fundy too, and they were all too close to a permanent death than they should be. But Tommy found some solace in how his friends had survived the war gaining only one. They were the lucky ones. Tommy had not only lost his most valued possessions but another life too. There was a line to death, and now Tommy walked along it, feet placed end to end like an acrobat tip-toeing a tightrope. Any moment now could be his last forever. It was unlikely he’d die right this second: he’d just secured peace for goodness’ sake, but what if? All it could take now was a stray arrow, a random attacker, a careless match finding an explosive in an untouched corner of L’Manberg, and that would be it for him. Gone.

Tubbo shuffled closer, “Tommy, are you okay man?” Drat. Once again, his face betrayed his feelings. He glanced around the partying men. Of all the people here, he trusted Tubbo the most, but mainly, the secret was starting to weigh him down worse than a full suit of netherite. He was tired of saying he was fine. Besides, it was Tubbo. His best friend, his brother. They’d been fighting together since the beginning: the Disc War, the Pet Wars and most of his other scuffles with citizens of the SMP, major and minor. He could trust Tubbo.

“Tubbo, I… Give me your hand.” One boy put his hand in the others’, and Tommy laid it on his chest, where they could both feel the lines representing a betrayal and a duel through the thin fabric of his shirt. Tubbo’s face changed from concern to horror to pity as he ran his fingers back and forth over the two ridges, checking, again and again, to verify what he couldn’t quite believe was true.

“You never said-” He started to say, but Tommy silenced him with a finger to his own lips hurriedly. “I didn’t want to worry anyone.” He sighed. “Or detract from the celebrations. I’m fine. It’s just a second mark.” Tubbo gave him a look halfway between disappointment and sympathy. “First of all, it’s not ‘just a second mark’ and second, you know that because I can see it on your face. It’s affecting you, dude.” Tommy looked away, closing his hand around Tubbo’s. “I don’t wanna think about it tonight, but I can’t-” He looked around at his four closest comrades. “I can’t stop running it over in my head, how much we’ve lost.” He gestured around them, at the land of their country torn apart, at the small patch of scorched grass they’d found sound enough to celebrate on. His eyes met Tubbo’s, creased with worry. “Five lives between us. Five.”

“Well… We’ve lost a lot, but we’ve also gained, y’know? What you did-” “How do you feel?” “Hm?” Tommy squeezed Tubbo’s hand. “How does it feel to be down a life?” “Don’t you remember?” He smiled faintly. “It was only this morning.” “I was a bit preoccupied, Tubbs.” They giggled half-heartedly. “True.” There was a moment of quiet broken only by the sounds of the party, and then; “I suppose I’m okay. I know I’m a bit closer to dying now, but I’ve still got another chance. So I can manage, I think.” “Do you feel more… mortal? Vulnerable?” Tommy’s voice was small. “Yeah. Like, I know what it’s like to die now- or, I know I can die. That it’s possible. I think that’s what it’s like for the others as well.”

Tubbo’s gaze drifted to look over at Wilbur, and Tommy’s soon followed. “Well, he seems fine.” The blonde remarked as Wilbur whirled past, drink in hand, a brown coat over his revolutionary uniform, adding more and more names from the crowd around them to the anthem as Fundy looked on, bemused. “I guess,” Tubbo shrugged. “He’s a bit older, so it’s less… jarring to be down one. Still not ideal, but not entirely unexpected.” “Well he’s certainly taking it well.” And at that Tubbo laughed. “He’s also quite drunk. So drunk he hasn’t noticed Fundy’s stopped watering his beers down.” That brought forth a small smile from Tommy. Tubbo continued: “He’s had time, y’know?” He paused, waiting for Tommy to look him in the eye. “When… When did you notice it?”

“After Dream took off with the discs. I finally came down from the adrenaline rush when I was alone in my house, just before I got back on comms to let you guys know. I felt it while I was taking off my armour. The tiniest little sting... And there it was.” He remembers standing alone in his house, examining both the duel scar and the extra mark in the grimy mirror he’d taken off the wall and leant on the floor. For a moment it was like the floor had gone out from beneath him again, but luckily this time it wasn’t an explosion. It hadn’t crossed his mind before then: all his brainpower had been in use, between worrying for his friends, discs, country and bow skills. The physical and mental pain of losing the duel had kept his mind off his own mortality as well, but there it was, staring him in the face, taunting him.

‘Two lives in less than twenty-four hours,’ it seemed to say (and he’d be omitting important details to not mention how it spoke in an American accent) ‘You won’t make it to twenty, or eighteen, or even your next birthday. Are you running out of time? Are you running out of time? Are you running out of ti-’

“What you did was incredibly brave and selfless.” Tubbo’s voice snapped him out of the memory of Death calling out to him, or maybe that was just him being melodramatic. “More like stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing.” “Well, Wilbur did tell you, he said ‘ohh Tommy, this country isn’t worth your life’.” “I wasn’t thinking.” “Well... I don’t care.” Tubbo squeezed his hand. “And maybe that’s a little selfish, but we’re free because of the trade you made, and maybe you’d never have pushed Dream to that point without the duel. I don’t know. But now we’re free. We’ve been beaten down by that tyrant for so long, but now we’re finally free.” He gave him a firm smile, “Yeah.” It was hard not to get swept up in Tubbo’s good moods, so Tommy reached for his drink. “Cheers. To L’Manberg!” “L’Manberg!” Tubbo knocked his tankard into Tommy’s and they both took a long drink. Wilbur overheard them and knocked Fundy’s drink out of his hands in his tipsy enthusiasm, and then there was another round of My L’Manberg. And as Tommy listened to the growing, rowdy chorus of his country, he let go of his fears for a while. Maybe they’d never leave him for the rest of his life, but for right now, they had their walls, their drinks and their song.

And as long as there were more crosses on the flag than lines on his tally, he’d be fine.

---

Taglist: @nixavia @zrenia (Please let me know if you’d like to be on the taglist in future :)

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART FOUR OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

THIS ONE IS A MESS.

But first a little rant about my feelings about Red Hood in general at the moment.

I am not going to lie, it took me a long time to read this comic, I am kind of tired of reading this book, I feel like I lower my expectations each issue that passes by and I still get disappointed at the result.

Maybe I just love a Jason Todd that is no more and I have to accept the one we have now, but here is the thing, if this is what we get then I just don’t like it, and on rough days I hate it. These are very negative thoughts about one of the two DC characters that I love and I don’t enjoy having them, I don’t want DC to keep giving us this version of Jason or these versions of Jason, each time they change little things that just change the character from the one that he once was even more.

I feel a bit defeated about it and I don’t know, on one side I want to fight and scream so they can finally give Jason the characterization he deserves and for them to give up the bland formula they have going on with him and on the other side I just want them to stop, stop writing Jason Todd/Red Hood and that is so sad, imagine loving a character and wanting the publisher to stop making content with them because what they give is just terrible. I don’t know, this is a rant that I felt like writing before I read the issue (I did skimm it briefly), so don’t take this as part of the review, its just me explaining my feelings right now.

Anyway, I will start the review now, sorry for the rant.

Wonderful, this book is on crack (or should I say Cheerdrops?), the thing with this particular issue is that I had a great laugh, it’s funny but in a good way, it's stupid and it kind of doesn’t make sense, the only way to describe Zdarsky’s writing here is with a phrase that we say here in my country “se pisa el palito”, which means that he lies about something and after some time he reveals the truth himself by mistake or because he got confused, in this case Zdarsky makes Jason say something like “this time I have come prepared” but he is actually not prepared at all and like two pages later (within the same scene) he has Jason call himself an amateur, it's very weird and to me it translates to Zdarsky not liking Jason or just not caring about him at all.

And that sucks and it really bothers me. As I have said before this anthologies book might be called Batman: Urban Legends but the particular story I am reading is a RED HOOD one, I am not here for Batman content, I am here for Jason Todd content.

The fact that we are not getting a Jason-specific story in a Red Hood book is killing me, it would suck if we get, let’s say, a Nightwing book and its all about his relationship with Barbara…That is not a Nightwing book, that’s a Nightwing and (fake) Oracle book.

Anyway, this issue in general is like a connector, the things that happen are all happening because they will be developed in the next issues but what is said here is absolutely absurd so I will be talking about that.

This issue starts with a flashback and Jason from the present (who is currently a popsicle because he fell in Freeze’s trap) having a monologue. The flashback is set when Jason finds out that his birth mother is alive and is being used by the Joker so he (in civilian clothes) and Batman at doing some reckon. What I want to dive into is the monologue because it's interesting but also very dumb so here we go.

“What was I supposed to do? I thought I was an orphan; I carried that sadness and anger everywhere I went and then I found the woman who gave birth to me halfway across the world. I found her…and the Joker. He was blackmailing my mother, forcing her to help him steal medical supplies, which he replaced with a deadly gas, that was being hauled to a village.”

“Batman knew what he had to do. Save people, forever saving people. Batman has always been a master of control, every situation, everyone around him. He’s always known just how to handle everything. Until I came along.”

“How could he be surprised? How could the great Batman not know? I wouldn’t listen to him and he couldn’t hear me. And the fucking cycle continues.”

The first part of the monologue is pretty simple it's basically setting the scene in time and space for the reader and it also gives us a little insight on how Jason was feeling at the time which was quite nice. It sets up the fact that Jason wanted to help his birth mother out of a horrible situation, he wanted to save her from the Joker. (Hear that DC, haters and fanon, Jason was a good Robin and a loving and caring son!!!!!)

In the second paragraph of the monologue I would have assumed that Dick never existed in this universe because the idea of Batman being able to control Robin!Dick or Gotham back in the day by himself is incredibly funny to me but because Dick exists and has been mentioned in this story already I will just take it as Zdarsky wanting to really push the “Jason could never reach the level of good Robin because he was reckless and nothing like Dick” and the “Dick was always completely obedient and Batman’s perfect little soldier” narratives. It sucks man, this is like bad fanon made real and I don’t like it!

During this part we also have a little dialogue between Batman and Jason where the narrative of Jason being so incredibly reckless is explicitly shown once more.

Let me repeat myself, Jason didn’t take on the Joker because he wanted to prove himself to the Bat or to prove that he was as good a Robin as Dick was, Jason did what he did because he wanted to save the last person that he had that he felt was family, he wanted to save the woman who birthed him and that he was hoping he could call a mother. He worried and cared for this woman and then he was betrayed and it ended up ending with him dying at the hands of a mad man that to this day is still alive.

Jason wasn’t reckless for the sake of being reckless, he took the decisions he took because he didn’t feel heard by the man that was supposed to protect him and care for him, a man that had the same feelings of sadness over being an orphan, a man that despite being the greatest detective to ever detective in the multiverse couldn’t understand that Jason felt like the woman that was his birth mother could come first in his list of priorities. Jason was a child and the adult responsible of him at the time bares the fault of his death as much as the mad man that committed the crime.

There, I fucking said it.

Gladly in the third paragraph of the monologue Jason calls out Bruce on his bullshit.

Also, what the hell was Bruce thinking leaving Jason stranded in the middle of the dessert, the man literally takes the only mode of transportation away from him. What the hell.

That’s it for the first glimpse at the past, now we are in the present with Ice!Jason where Zdarsky lies to our faces, he says that Jason is prepared for this situation…I am sorry but I do not believe this.

Anyway, Jason does manage to break the ice but he trips on the iced floor almost as soon as he breaks free and falls in a hole. Are you kidding me? I know this is supposed to be funny but Jason has been written as this incompetent dumbass in this book so much that this is just insulting.

He manages to escape for three or four seconds but he realises once more that the whole thing was a trap because Freeze had actually closed all the exists with ice because he meant to trap the Bat (also maybe Freeze is under the effects of Cheerdrops?), Jason also tries to use his guns even though he had already thought about the fact that they wouldn’t fire because of the cold AND he didn’t pack his explosives, yeah… “I am now prepared”, sure Jan.

The last thing we see in this scene is Freeze getting ready to ice Red Hood once more before we start jumping from past to present scenes as Jason’s monologue continues, he does that a lot in this issue, it’s quite impressive.

We jump into the past and we see Jason going to help his mother in his Robin suit, her betrayal and the Joker being ready to torture and kill a child. From there we go back to the present where Jason manages to ask Oracle for help but not anyone’s he asks for the Batman’s help.

First let’s talk about the monologue that happens across these scenes because it has some interesting takes.

“Stupid amateur, its not going to be okay, not if we keep repeating the same mistakes. He never trusted me, I never trusted him. Neither of us lived up to the idea of ‘Batman and Robin’, the ‘Dynamic Duo’. Because Batman and Robin requires trust, it requires knowing you can’t do it alone.”

Let’s be honest as per the modern take on Batman and Robin (if it includes Bruce as Batman) the dynamic is quite dysfunctional, Batman doesn’t know how to care for a child and children shouldn’t be responsible for an adult’s safety, so the whole thing has been weird for every Robin, its not something that happened only to Jason but here is the thing, in Under the Red Hood (which is canon in this story) when Batman and Red Hood fought side by side Bruce said the following: “…Neither of us has the strength to take him out, it will require skill and teamwork. It happens before I have time to question it, a manoeuvre that comes without thought, executed as practiced and practiced many times in the cave.”

So, him and Jason worked well, they trusted each other and the work they were doing but that is not all, because they are in the middle of a fight the Red Hood doesn’t act recklessly and takes the opportunity attack the Bat when he is vulnerable, he sticks to the coordinated fight because he trusts it will work. Batman’s thoughts confirm that because he continues saying this: “To complete it (the manoeuvre) I’m forced to leave myself unprotected from an attack, an attack from the Red Hood. But the attack never comes, he just takes cover from the blast, like practiced.”

– Batman: Under the Red Hood, chapter 10.

This thing alone, written in 2005 kills the narrative of Bruce’s Batman and Jason’s Robin not working well together.

Secondly, I have to laugh about what it's actually said in the very last panels. I am sorry but it's too funny to me, I know it acts as a parallel to Jason asking for the Bat when he was about to die but this is a man, a grown man that has experience on this job, this situation would have never happened if Jason was written fairly. This is funny because of all the people in the world I would never imagine the Red Hood asking for Batman’s help. Fuck that.

Oracle of course contacts Batman but let me say something really quickly, Barbara and Bruce are both acting like Jason getting in trouble and needing help is an annoyance. What the hell is wrong with these people? Why would Jason work with Oracle or Batman in the first place?

Batman gets in the Batmobile as soon as he can and dares call Jason his son. No thank you sir, I will not be taking that kind of bullshit today. Anyway, the Bat also has a monologue because he can’t be less, here it goes.

“Jason. Dammit, son. I’m on my way, I won’t let you…” (explosions) “You’re alive. In the here, in the now. I know this, like magic…with a curse…You’re alive.”

“I don’t need to be there again, in the past. I’ve learned my lessons, the guilt doesn’t help me, it doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. You’re alive, Jason and I intend to keep it that way.”

To this I have to say the following, the only reason why Bruce is not feeling guilty about what happened to Jason is because Jason forgave Bruce/Batman for not arriving in time in order to save Jason from the explosion back in that warehouse all those years ago. Jason forgave Bruce when the final confrontation happened in UtRH. He did it because he believed that Bruce tried and still didn’t make it.

- Batman: Under the Red Hood, chapter 13.  

And something else, Bruce might have been “keeping Jason alive” but he has harmed him. Rebirth RHatO #25 exists, I don’t know if it's canon within this particular story but I can’t not bring it up if this is what this man has to say.

My take on the Batman and Red Hood relationship is that it shouldn’t exist. Red Hood is not a Batman villain but he IS a Batman antagonist. STOP making Batman and Red Hood work together, with how things ended in UtRH Jason would never work with Bruce again. I am sorry but the concept of the Batfamily with Jason as a willing participant is the biggest lie this fandom and Lobdell gave us.

Enough of my takes, let's go back to the issue because it's ending is closer and the funniest panels in this whole ass book are coming!

Batman does Batman shit and as he grapples out of the Batmobile, he manages to get Ice!Jason out of a truck and everything comes to a stop, the bad guys come out of said vehicle and one of them is going in Red Hood's direction with the intention of killing him, Batman of course saves Jason and starts fighting the rest of the baddies.

I will show you funny panel number one.

You really want to make me believe that Bruce can pull that move, shut up!!!! There is no way! That’s some Nightwing level of leg work, stop it, if the Bat pulls that move he will break something or get stuck like that…

Ahh it doesn’t matter because as Batman finishes defeating all the baddies he goes to Jason’s side and here is where funny panel number 2 comes!

STOP IT, WHAT THE HELL IS THISSS? I am losing my mind over this, have you ever seen something and thought “oh this is wrong wrong” like what? This interaction is so wild to me, everything about it makes no sense…Imagine putting Jason Todd in such a vulnerable position that he is, I don’t know, happy or glad that the Bat showed up and that Batman would say that he will always be there for Jason, this shit is hilarious.

But that’s not the end, at this point nothing should shock me (as far as character designs) but this dude shows up…

Who the hell is this guy, and why does he look like that, why are all these new character designs the same and horrible? He reminds me of the weird discount-Joker-looking dude that we had in Rebirth RHatO #52

Anyway, the new dude that will be called Cheer (apparently) and Freeze ice Batman as well and that’s it, our Red Hood related suffering is over up until next month!

This one, this one was wild, I don’t know what else to say about it…I am honestly drained after reading the issue and writing this.

Let me know what you thought about this issue and if you want to read my reviews of the previous parts I will link them here! Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3!

[nancywheelxr]

For Sokka/Zuko prompt (2/?): Sokka saving Zuko after miscalculation how long he can hold his breath during the North Pole Siege

anon, like i said before, you are an angel and I hope you like this

*

Sokka is going to kill Aang.

No, seriously, he means it, the next time he sees the kid, he’s going to murder him because this is all his fault. It has to be, because there is no other explanation for this except Aang beginning to rub off on him. There really, really isn’t.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he murmurs, dragging Zuko out of the freezing water and away from the cracking ice. Honestly, the guy is heavier than he looks and Sokka bets it must be the crushing weight of all those issues. “Should’ve let you drown, asshole.”

And you know what? He stands by that. The little voice at the back of his head that sounds annoyingly like Aang be damned, Sokka should have taken one look at the jerk, incandescent hands slamming against the thick ice, too cold in the freezing water to properly melt the frozen floor, wide eyes blinking sluggishly, and, and– okay, fine. Maybe Sokka couldn’t look the other way and pretend he didn’t see him.

Still. He resents Aang for not being there to convince him to save the guy and let Sokka advocate for the drowning. You know, for argument’s sake, just ‘cause Zuko’s the freaking Fire Nation prince that’s been chasing them all the way since the South Pole and they should at least make an effort to look like they’re doing this under duress.

“Come on, we can’t stay here, wake up, jerk,” well. Sokka can’t stay here, he has a duty and also, the place will be crawling with soldiers soon, but if he leaves Zuko here, there’s no telling if he’ll make it. Do Firebenders get hypothermia? The guy looks hypothermic enough, at least.

Something explodes nearby.

Staying here any longer would be crazy. Sokka eyes Zuko consideringly. “I did my best,” he says, frowning because it sounds weak even to himself and he already knows what he’s going to do, “truly, it’s tragic. I dragged him out of the water, but there was nothing I could do. Too many Fire Nation soldiers around,” he grumbles, heaving one of Zuko’s arms around his shoulder and getting only a faint mumbling in response, “I had to leave him there.”

Just to be clear, though, Sokka is only doing this– he’s only dragging Zuko across the town in the middle of a Fire Nation invasion because he’s gone through all this trouble already to keep the asshole alive, it would be a waste to leave him for dead now. Hey, he didn’t spend five minutes slamming at the ice with his boomerang for nothing, okay?

“What were you thinking anyway?” He asks him, because the only thing worse than be dragging your nemesis around is to be dragging your nemesis around in silence. “Stupid firebender swimming around. At night! Were you trying to die?”

Another mumble. At least that’s better than the wheezing sound from when he first came out of the water, he figures.

“And I mean, it’s pretty clear this whole thing isn’t your doing,” he continues, ducking under a bridge to avoid the worst of the fight, “it’s way too organized, and honestly? Last time we checked, you didn’t have an entire fleet with you.”

And, not the Sokka would say it aloud, but it just doesn’t seem like something Zuko would do. From what they’ve seen of the guy so far, he’s less about conquering and invading, and more like capture the Avatar, restore my honor, blah, blah, blah. Which makes bringing him straight to Aang probably a very stupid thing. 

Damn.

He groans. What’s he supposed to do now? Zuko’s a dead weight at his side and he has no idea where Yue and the others went, even though he’s supposed to be protecting Yue. And Katara. And Aang. 

Instead, here he is, shuffling into another alley. “This is all your fault,” he glares at the still unconscious moron prince. “Yours and Aang’s. There’s a blizzard outside, did you know?! What, you were just going to get Aang and walk out on the snowstorm?!”

Zuko still doesn’t answer him. He does begin to shiver, though, so that’s something? Better than hypothermia, that’s for sure. Still, Zuko’s shivering and looking sad in his wet clothes, and this is something, at least, that Sokka can help. He can take his own fur coat and drape across him.

“Yeah, you didn’t really think this one through, did you?” He sighs, letting his head thump lightly against the wall behind him. “Me neither, buddy. I’m supposed to be looking after the princess, but I’ve got no idea where they went. I guess I’m looking after you instead, huh? I’m not happy about it either, trust me.”

If only he had some sort of rope– Sokka groans. How does he keep getting in these situations? He levels Zuko with a resentful look. “Why is it always you?” Looking at Zuko now, though, it’s pretty hard to muster much anger. He doesn’t look very intimidating like this– his hair is falling out of his ponytail and his face is paler than usual, his scar stark against the white. Actually, he looks a lot younger like this. Aang had called him a teenager when they met him, but Sokka thinks this might be the first time he’s ever thought of him like that. It’s pretty messed up. Zuko can’t be much older than Sokka– a year? Maybe less? Oddly, it makes him wonder how did he end up here, like this, hunting Aang in a banged up warship and only his Uncle along. Shouldn’t a prince have like, more back up?

Not that Sokka is complaining, it could be a lot worse than Zuko, it could’ve been someone like freaking Zhao. He doesn’t think Zhao would have kept his promise not to destroy his village back in the South Pole. Actually, the guy would’ve probably started with the destroying and left the questions for later.

A hoarse shout shakes off that line of thinking pretty quick.

Zuko wakes up all at once– one second he’s lying motionless on the ice, chest rising and falling steadily faint, pale and pitiful wrapped in Sokka’s furs, and the next he’s fumbling with the cloth, tangling himself further with frantic movements. His eye zeroes in on Sokka, widening as far as they go for a split moment, and managing only a flickering flame with his trembling hands, probably too busy heating up to do any proper firebending.

“Oh, goody, you’re alive,” Sokka says, choosing to let the sarcasm bleed on his voice and quietly grip his boomerang a little tighter, just in case. 

“What,” Zuko coughs up, and the shivering is back, and Sokka doesn’t think he means to be furrowing further into the coat like that. “Where– you. What have you done to me?”

Yeah, Sokka should probably have seen that one coming. Still, “hey! I saved your life! You did all the drowning yourself, buddy!”

 Zuko frowns. Hysterically, Sokka kind of wants to smooth that out, go back to the young look from before. The frown is a very angsty one, though, and full of suspicion, which is fair, all things considered, but he still takes offense. They’re the good guys, after all, they’re not the ones doing the invading.

Spirits, the invasion. Sokka doesn’t have time for this, he needs to find Katara and Aang, he needs to find Yue, he needs– 

“Why?”

He blinks. “Why what?”

“You said you saved me,” Zuko is still sounding worse for wear, rough and cracking at the edges, but there’s some color returning to his cheeks, the shivering finally dying down.

And isn’t that the question? Well, not really. It’s what Aang would have done and that’s usually a pretty good moral compass. Sokka shrugs, “it was the right thing to do. You’re a jerk, but even you didn’t deserve to die like that.”

Zuko doesn’t seem to know what to do with that information, faint steam wafting off his now dry clothes, and Sokka has half a mind to ask for his coat back, a weird tightness on his chest the only thing holding him back– the same odd feeling that sort of made the Aang excuse taste a tiny bit like a lie.

No time to dwell on that, though. Before Zuko could brood some more or throw any other wild accusation, a shadow falls over the both of them, Zuko’s weird uncle pausing at the start of the alley and taking in the scene. His face kind of does a complicated thing where he looks like he wants to bundle Zuko on his arms in the tightest hug in the country but knows Zuko would probably like, throw a fit and then die of dramatic indignation, and Sokka feels like maybe he shouldn’t be witnessing this, especially because the angry jerk is looking like he maybe wouldn’t go so far as dying if hugs were to be involved.

“Nephew,” the old man says, and the relief is his voice is palpable, “you are alive– I feared–”

“I’m fine, Uncle,” Zuko cuts in, getting up in wobbly legs and giving Sokka a wide berth as he inches his way along the wall.

“I owe you a great debt, young man,” he continues, now turning to Sokka with such a grateful face, it’s really hard to remember he’d been doing some chasing the Avatar just weeks ago. He looks so normal. “You saved him when most would not and for that, I can never thank you enough.”

“Uncle!”

“Erm, you’re welcome?” Sokka clears his throat, loosening his rip on the boomerang, suddenly awkward.

“Have you thanked him yet, Prince Zuko?”

“I–”

Iroh– well, Sokka thinks that his name, at least– doesn’t glare, but his eyebrows do a very disappointed move and Zuko seems to cave like a sullen teenager. It’s kind of great. And very surreal, honestly, Sokka is kinda just rolling with it at this point. “Thank you,” Zuko bows, making a very fire nation-y sign with his hands, adds softer, “Sokka.”

“Huh, you do know my name.”

A loud explosion interrupts whatever retort Zuko had been planning, and Iroh grimaces. “I’m afraid we are running out of time,” the grave expression seems foreign in his face and Sokka feels a terrible dread in the pit of his stomach, “Zhao plans on doing the unthinkable– he is going to kill the moon spirit.”

Well, it’s official, then. Zuko’s just been demoted from the worst to pass on the title to Zhao. “Is that even– I mean, how?”

“The Avatar,” Zuko says, but it’s a weak complaint, even he knows stopping the murder of an ancient spirit ranks a bit higher, like immediate catastrophe higher. “Fine,” he snaps, hands curling into fists, “but Zhao is mine.”

Okay, because that sounds like it’s not going to blow up on their faces at all. Not that it matters, because Sokka knows that it’s a done deal now. There’s something urgent in the air, pressing down on them, almost buzzing with the expectations of a tragedy. They’ll need all the help they can get if they mean to stop Zhao’s idiotic plan.

Sokka looks at Iroh, at Zuko. He’s still wearing the fur coat, stretched across his shoulders, sleeves too short at his wrists. 

“You guys,” he feels the need to say, “are the worst. But we should probably hurry up, then.”

[yuissamidare]

have you read the last drk volume yet? idk if you read japanese well or not but itd be cool if you could spoil the ending :3c

i haven’t finished it, bc i was going reread from the beginning but i took a look at the ending for you. im glad i did. yui’s birthday is august 31st, which is Independence Day in my country. she’s a virgo. ive been wanting that info since 2013. drk ending spoilers under the cut

yui, as theorized from the start, died. she was killed in an explosion in the Sirius observatory where her and kirigiri first met, and that’s also how kirigiri hurts her hands. some of yuis final thoughts were that she wishes that she could’ve been better, lived a life without making mistake — that she were a talented detective instead of just some normal stupid high school girl. she could’ve been able to protect kirigiri. in the end, yui thinks, i couldn’t protect a single thing.

kirigiri begs yui to stay with her, to live, that kirigiris going to make sure she’s going home alive, hold on, pull yourself together, please, but yui accepts her fate, and thanks kirigiri. her last words are her apologizing for treating her like a criminal and asking how she could make it up to her because at this rate she’ll..... and her last thoughts are about kirigiri too:

you were right all along, so stand proud. oh, cherry blossom petals. they’re beautiful, aren’t they, kirigiri-chan? you’re very.......

samidare yui dies.

kyouko kirigiri wakes up in a hospital bed with ruined hands, she wants to see yui. she ends up meeting salvador, and the girls from the saint annes academy, tsukiyo and nazuna from the libra girls academy case that was in vol 4 & 5 I believe?? (check jess’ blog bc I’m still working through them) because they also knew yui. salvador goes over her injuries—hypothermia, severe burns on her hands—and says it’s a miracle she survived 

“and what about yui-oneesama?” kirigiri asked. those were the first words she spoke in that hospital.

“about her...” yadorigi turned away, and the time he spent grasping for words was more than enough of an answer. kirigiri could easily guess what came next: “It was too late for her.”

“i see...”

kirigiri turned to face the curtain, and her reaction baffled the girls and tsukiyo who was with salvador. why the fuck wasn’t kirigiri crying?! she loved yui, didn’t she? they were friends right?! where was kirigiris heart?! don’t you pity her at the very least?! are you even human?! such and such. salvador tells her to cut it out. though even though kirigiri didn’t outwardly emote, she was doing her thing compartmentalizing her emotions unhealthily which was the family way u know.

in the end, tsukiyo weeps all by herself, and nazuna holds onto her. meanwhile kirigiris low key having a crisis

even still, am i detective? kirigiri asked herself. is she willing to die as a detective? she’s not a detective for the sake of helping other people, that’s just how she was bred and raised. however, the days spent by yuis side taught her that even she could feel helpless — she thought she was proud to be born as a detective, but maybe she was just clinging onto that to compensate for something else. in the end, there’s no one to protect her, and no one, not even she herself, could save the the person dearest to her.

salvador starts talking about the committee and shinsen will being passed along to new people. they need her help. but kirigiri’s angsting really really hard and says no. in her own words: 今さら自分に何ができるというの。霧切響子はもう死んだ。あの日、彼女と一緒に。

but what can she do now, on her own? kirigiri kyouko has already died. she died that day, together with her (yui).

so yeah she’s having an awful time. and she gets discharged when the cherry blossoms start falling and covering the dreary snow. neat! the irony! she goes back to Sirius bc there was a crossbow missing from the scene, and she won’t rest until this one incident is solved. shen then figures out who fucked her and yui over so bad. it could only be him, it could only be shinsen fucking mikado.

we then learn her grandpa was detained bc he was a suspect in shinsens murder, and she talked to him about yui. kirigiri gets upgraded to dsc 910. she finally has a 0 on her card like she always wanted... she can’t feel happy about it. this number doesn’t mean anything to her, anymore.

she gets a letter from yui, that she wrote in case she died first. talking about how she knew one day that she couldn’t be there for her forever, but she hoped she could take some of kirigiris burdens from her, or maybe she just made everything worse. yui had her own baggage, and couldn’t support her properly, but yui knows one day she’ll have people who love and support her like yui did, like she wanted to. she tells her to take breaks and to take care of herself — yui says she’s knows she’s more trouble than she’s worth, so thank you for sticking with her kirigiri-chan. and goodbye.

she remembers a conversation she had with salvador—yui saved her, and now she’s gone . like all the times before that, yui used her body to cover her so she wouldn’t freeze to death after the building exploded, and kirigiri couldn’t help her.

“hey, kirigiri-chan, did I take some of that weight off your shoulders?”

everything is silent. no cars on the road, no sound. 

kirigiri loses her shit, she breaks down completely despite trying so hard to suppress her feelings.

emotions are not needed when it comes to detectives... she’s been following that adage all her life, so why is it so hard to follow now? why can’t she stop tearing up? she’s ruining her bandages with how much she’s scrubbing her eyes from crying. finally she just falls to her knees and wails. she’s sorry, she’s so sorry yui-oneesama. she keeps calling her name, willing her to just pop in right next to her, because she knows she just needs to call her name, and yui will trip over herself to come to help her. yui-oneesama will definitely come save her. big sis yui. big sis yui....

so she’s not okay! and I’m not ok. I am crying. there’s a time skip where kirigiri goes to yuis hometown to visit her grave. she’s happy to see that other people gave her offerings too, she sets flowers down and prays, and asks her to keep watching over her. 

She calls salvador and agrees to help. years pass and she goes to hopes peak. naegi finds her dsc after she dropped it, bc he was looking for something sakura threw. naegis like wtf is this also are u on a job how old were u when u started being a detective and kirigiris like UGHHHH go away but then she’s like... hmmm whomst is this little twink 

the last lines of the book are “fine then, let’s have a chat, naegi-kun.”

[lantur]

12 (post delicate), 18, 34, 35!!!!!!

Thank you for the ask, my excellent neighbor in royai hell!!

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

I’m in the early thinking/planning stages of this one, and I’m not sure how long it’s going to be. It’s based on a story I heard on my true crime podcast, and more broadly, on the epidemic of sexual assault and sexual harassment in the US military. I know that Riza is a fictional character, but writing about her life as a woman in the military over the course of “delicate” made me listen to that story about sexual assault of women soldiers in the US military on my true crime podcast with a new level of empathy. 

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

Probably “our days and nights are perfumed by obsession” which started out as an excuse to write Roy, Riza, and car sex, and ended up as 15k of a Roy character study that, thank god, culminated in car sex. ;) 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

“Will you tell me what he’s like?” Lan Fan asks.

The question jolts Riza out of her reverie. “Who?”

“Your Young Lord.” Lan Fan sounds drowsy. Her eyelids are starting to droop again. “Your Colonel.”

“Well…” Riza pauses, searching for the right words. She has known her Colonel for fourteen years. She knew him when he was a twenty-three year-old Lieutenant Colonel fresh off the front lines, a Major on the front lines of Ishval, an eighteen-year-old heading off to enlist at the State Military Academy, a sixteen-year-old alchemy apprentice. It hits her with a jolt, for the first time, that she has known Roy longer than she has known anyone else in her life. Roy has been a part of her life for longer than Mother had been.

“He’s very much like your Young Lord, I think,” Riza tells Lan Fan. She closes her eyes for an instant, and the Roy she’s known for so long appears in her mind’s eye, in all of his iterations. The apprentice, the young soldier and Lieutenant Colonel, the maturing Colonel. “He takes his responsibilities to his friends and subordinates seriously, and he would do anything to protect them. He has great ambitions, but his motivations are pure, and that is why I follow him.”

“I feel the same way.” Lan Fan’s voice is barely audible now. Riza checks her pulse with a finger to her wrist, and is relieved to find that her pulse rate hasn’t dropped.

“He’s extremely intelligent - although he doesn’t always act like it.” Riza smiles slightly. “He’s an excellent fighter, too. He can be quite fearsome when he wants to be.” (Involuntarily, she hears the snap of Roy’s fingers, sees the explosions in Ishval; sees Lust, screaming, howling, disintegrating under the force of his attacks.) “He’s calculating and strategic most of the time, but he can also be quite bold and reckless.”

“He sounds very talented.” Lan Fan opens her eyes, with effort. “If both of you were in Xing, someone of his talents would be a General, not a Colonel. And you would be a Major, at least.”

“We did actually travel to Xing, once. To the city of Suzhao. We loved our time in your country.” The memory is a fond one, and Riza holds on to it for a moment, treasuring it for the solace it brings her. “That isn’t the whole story about the Colonel, though. He’s pretty young to hold this high of a rank in Amestris. He just turned thirty. He can be mischievous and frankly, ridiculous, sometimes. He likes doing impersonations of people who are more important than he is. He loves going out to eat and drink with his friends, and getting into stupid competitions with them.”

“He really does sound like the Young Lord,” Lan Fan comments wistfully. It sounds like she’s on the verge of drifting off to sleep again. “It is an honor for us to serve and protect such good men, isn’t it?”

The words fill her with a bittersweet sensation. Riza wonders if Ling Yao will grow to have the same hard edges, the same spells of coldness and darkness, and the same ruthlessness that Roy does. For Lan Fan’s sake, she hopes not. But she has come to suspect that the development of such traits is inevitable in powerful, ambitious men.

From chapter ten of delicate. :)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I badly want to read a) more Ling Yao/Lan Fan content, and b) more content set in Ishval. :) 

I love, love, love during-reconstruction and post-reconstruction Ishval as a setting. I love Xing as a setting too. Amestris as a setting, both in the context of rural places like Resembool, and other areas like Fort Briggs, Central, and East City, doesn’t call to me at all. I don’t know why I feel so ambivalent-leaning-negative about it, but I don’t have the desire to develop locations within Amestris in the same way as I developed locations within Xing in li jie and locations in Ishval (the city of Ras Al-Ayn) in delicate. 

[backdeck-potato-novelist]

I Get The Feeling That I’m Right Where I Belong

Chapter 6

AO3

Beginning, Previous, Next

Chloe spent Saturday morning arguing with her father. She didn’t really know what about, just that she didn’t like how he had it planned. Once they had reached a settlement, one that was definitely more in her favor than the original plan had been, she moved on to negotiating with her mother. This discussion was about fashion, and so she was much more invested, to the point of actually caring to remember what she was arguing about. There was a charity gala and auction in two weeks, and Audrey had been working on a new line based on the local Parisian heroes that she wanted Chloe to wear to the gala. The event had something to do with raising money to help with disaster relief somewhere that had been hit by a hurricane, or maybe an earthquake, Chloe didn’t remember. Audrey wanted her in the Ladybug dress. Chloe finally managed to talk her mother down to the Queen Bee tuxedo. Audrey thought it was a bit tacky, Chloe going in an outfit inspired by her own super alter ego. Chloe knew that red did not do her complexion any good, but black and gold, especially the dark gold of this specific ensemble, looked fabulous on her. There was a reason her costume looked like it did. Chloe had also managed to convince Audrey that Kagami should at least try the Ladybug dress, and that if it worked for her, she should wear it to the gala. Chloe was very excited for whenever they would schedule Kagami’s fitting. Her dragon looked very good in red.

Adrien spent Saturday morning in his room. He did not want to be in his room, but he had haggled and bartered with Gabriel for an afternoon out. In exchange, he was stuck in his room. Two hours of piano, an hour of Mandarin, and finishing all of his homework for the next week was probably the second worst Saturday morning he could possibly imagine. The worst was a tie: either his current situation but without Plagg, or Gabriel seeing him on a date with Luka. The first would bore him out of his mind, and the second might result in police involvement. Neither was a good option.

Kagami spent Saturday morning baking. She particularly liked making cookies, and was absolutely fantastic at it, but Chloe loved her blondies, and so whenever she turned the oven on, she would make them. When she was younger, Kagami had decided that baking was stupid and any woman who wanted to bake and went out of her way to do so would only ever amount to being a housewife. That was until Marinette had befriended her, despite Kagami’s attempts to not be taken in by the girl’s charm. Kagami had come over to the bakery one afternoon, before she knew Marinette was Ladybug, and had accidentally ended up helping Sabine make a batch of cupcakes. She stopped by the library on the way home and checked out three cookbooks, and had turned it into a weekend tradition ever since. Marinette had also tried teaching Kagami to knit, though she hadn’t taken to the needles as quickly as the pots and pans.

Nino spent Saturday morning sleeping. He also spent the early afternoon sleeping.

Luka spent Saturday morning walking along the Seine. His mother’s boat could be rather restrictive, the sounds of the people and the water around him were very inspiring, and Juleka snored. A lot. After half an hour of slow meandering, he realised he had subconsciously been making his way towards Adrien’s house. As much as he wanted to see his boyfriend, he turned around. It wouldn’t do either of them any good for him to be seen by the adults of the Agreste manor. Three more weeks. They could wait three more weeks to be seen in public together.

Marinette and Alya spent Saturday morning in Marinette’s room. Marinette woke up first, and so spent some time embroidering a dress she was making for herself. Alya woke up when she rolled off the beanbag she had spent the night on. Marinette helped her back onto the cushion, joined her, and then the two girls spent quite some time pretending they were getting up and ready for the day. Eventually, Sabine poked her head into Marinette’s room and got them actually moving.

At exactly three o’clock, two unremarkable high school students entered the front door of the Grand Hotel of Paris. One of them said goodbye to the gorilla of a man who had driven him there. The other carried a large tote bag stuffed to the brim with somethings that looked suspiciously like cookies wrapped in aluminum foil and plastic wrap. When the first tried to reach for one, his hand was slapped away. Overhead, three superheroes went shooting across the sky, jumping and swinging from rooftop to rooftop. If anyone on the streets of Paris had looked up, they would have seen two blurs, one of red and one of orange. The third teal one was nearly invisible against the clear Parisian sky.

At seven minutes past three, a very disgruntled DJ slammed through the back door of the Grand Hotel of Paris, sprinted up the employee stairwell, and burst into one of the penthouse suites up on the fifteenth floor.

“You’re late,” Chloe said. She didn’t even bother turning around.

“Yeah, yeah, I overslept,” Nino grumbled, maneuvering around a large spread of papers on the floor. He made it to the sun room and collapsed into a large and fluffy armchair. “Did I miss anything?”

“We ate all of Kagami’s cookies without you,” Adrien announced around a mouthful of said cookies.

“What, really?” Nino sat bolt upright. Wayzz emerged from Nino’s hat and flitted around his wearer’s head.

“No, not really. I saved some for both of you.” Alya came and sat down in the chair with Nino, forcing her boyfriend to move over. She handed him a plate piled with cookies and blondies. As Nino breathed a sigh of relief, Wayzz did a little celebratory spin in the air before landing on the plate.

“Thank you, Alya,” the Kwami smiled, before he began eating.

“You’re welcome, Wayzz.”

“Now that everyone’s here, we can actually begin,” Marinette said, cutting off the turtle’s response. “Because, y’know, we’re here to do more than just hangout.” She gave Alya and Nino a look. Alya winked back while Nino had the decency to look sheepish, before sprawling out across Alya’s lap. “So Chloe, I hand it over to you. Any updates?”

“Thanks, Maribug.” The blonde stood up at the head of the table. “To make it short, I’ve got nothing. No progress, at least, since last weekend. We’ve had the list of people who have the time, money, and schedule to be Hawkmoth for a while. Mayura’s been a little trickier to track down, but I am working on that. As bad as it is, the more they attack together, and really the more akuma attacks in general, the easier it is to track them down. I still haven’t gotten into the city camera network. I mean, it’s a long shot, but as far as I know, you can see akumas on film and tracking them all across the city would narrow that list down a ton. So, uh, yeah. That’s my update. Next?” Chloe sat back down. Kagami reached over and grabbed her hand to give a little squeeze.

“Cool. Thank you, Chloe. Alya, how’s the online scene? Anything going on?” Marinette turned to her best friend.

Alya stood up, prompting a whimpered “No” from Nino as his pillow left.

“Yes. Big time. Someone got a photo of Viperion and Chat Noir having a midnight picnic on the Eiffel Tower. Roses, candles, that whole aesthetic you two put together every time. They posted it on Wednesday and people want answers.”

There was a beat of silence, broken by the sound of Adrien’s head hitting the table.

“Can’t you take it down?” Luka asked, rubbing his boyfriend’s back. “I feel like that would be much easier than, well, any of your other options.” Alya shrugged awkwardly.

“As your friend and teammate, I want to. As a journalist running the largest and best superhero blog in the whole country, I can’t. It would raise too many questions. For the sake of keeping our identities well hidden, I need to not just keep the photo up, but react big. As far as everyone else is concerned, Bug and Chat were a thing this whole time. The photo is a big shock, and I need to treat it as such. So, Marinette, Adrien, Luka, can we coordinate that after this? I think an interview would probably be a good idea.”

Marinette and Luka nodded as Adrien grumbled “Ok” from his facedown position

“And Adrien! I appreciate that you play favorites with the Ladyblog, but you don’t need to turn down interviews with other people. Aurore is a very nice person, and her blog is actually pretty dang cool. She just happens to be a regular civilian and so can’t organize interviews with any of you whenever she wants to. So, as a general note for everyone, you can take interviews with other journalists. I’m not holding you to some kind of exclusive contract. Oh, and Gami? This applies to you too. Please be nice to other reporters. Please. People look up to you. Children admire you. Be a good role model and please stop threatening people who have cameras or mics.” Alya gave Kagami a mock glare. Kagami glared back, before sighing and shrugging.

“Fine. I will attempt to be less rude to those who have made it their mission in life to invade my privacy and personal space.”

“I’m willfully choosing to pretend you aren’t being sarcastic, so thank you. With that, it’s back to you, Marinette.”

“Thank you for that, Alya. Alright, next-” Marinette stopped suddenly. “Did any of you hear that?”

Adrien was just about to ask “hear what?” when there was a scream from the streets. As one, the seven miraculous wielders were up and moving out onto Chloe’s balcony, trying to determine where the scream had come from.

It didn’t take long to spot the source of the terror. Up near the Eiffel Tower, smoke filled the air as five explosions went off in quick succession. With a resounding crash that echoed off the Paris skyline, the Tower itself toppled to the ground. 

“Well,” Marinette groaned. “Duty calls.” She quickly backed away from the edge of the balcony, out of sight of the street below. With a flip of her hair, Marinette whispered, “Tikki, spots on!” 

The six other heroes mirrored the actions of their leader, and within seconds, they were leaping across the sky.

Damian spent Saturday morning glaring at Tim. Despite all prior evidence suggesting it was impossible, Tim had slept the entire flight over to France, as well as through most of the morning in Paris. Damian had slept on the plane, but decided not to sleep at the hotel, as much as his jet lag protested. If anything, that was why he wanted to stay awake. He was here for a month. The sooner he could get over the five hour time difference, the better. Tim was of the opposite mindset. In the five minutes of quasi-conscious conversation Damian extracted from him in the car over to the hotel, Tim explained that since this was a fake recon mission, he was going to be remaining on Gotham’s schedule. His rationale involved something to do with board meetings. Damian thought that was all a bunch of bullshit to excuse sleeping in until 5 pm on a Saturday.

As three twenty rolled around, Damian was suddenly very glad that Tim was still holed up and passed out in the hotel room. The explosions that shook the building could only mean one thing, and as skilled as Red Robin was, he had never fought an akuma before. Technically, Robin never had either, but he’d supported Team Miraculous more than a few times and had even been a part of Ladybug’s backup plan once.

Three minutes later, Robin was standing on the roof of the hotel. It wasn’t difficult to see the smoke rising from where the Eiffel Tower had stood only minutes ago. Unclipping his grappling hook from his belt, he began to pray that his angel would be there soon. He was good, one of the best in the world, but even gods were occasionally too much for him. 

Oh well. He’d do what he can for now.

[aph-honk-kong]

Draw A Circle That’s The Earth, I’m In Hetalia - Review (Chapter 2)

Eight months ago, @hetafic-hell published a review of chapter one of “Draw A Circle That’s The Earth, I’m In Hetalia!”. I decided to write a review of the second chapter, since they’ve been on hiatus for so long. But before I begin, I must offer a warning: this chapter is five thousand five hundred words long, and is not divided into any paragraphs. It’s also awful. Proceed at your own risk.

3 months later.

It is not possible to show the passing of time through the story instead of putting it down explicitly?

I'm at a different meeting hall my nation had all its citizen's return to Serenia only recently and now every one of my people except my army have been turned into pictonians 

What army? I thought the only reason Serenia was bombed in chapter one was because it didn’t have one. 

Australia brought me in a helicopter and now me America, England, Italy, Germany, China, Japan, Russia, France, not that anyone noticed except me Canada 

And there’s the “nobody notices Canada” trope.

and thanks to my knowledge of the 'paint it white' Hetalia movie Scotland and Australia are now in meeting about the pictonians I gave Canada a note saying 'go to Cuba, combine forces temporarily and take care of the injured 'he ran out of the room without anyone noticing.

You’d think that someone being told to leave an important meeting to leave the country, meet with someone who hasn’t been mentioned up until now and form an alliance to save their nation’s people would at least announce their departure.

"Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper thingys in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposed to be word says, the race of humanity has been taken over by nopras thingsmabobs by that crazy beam of light that comes out of the light bulby thingy that comes out of their head."

...what?

Alfred said while everyone was doing their own thing Francis blowing a kiss to the maid, Yao yawning, Arthur, Kiku, Ivan and Ludwig listening, Allistor smoking, jack playing with his koala, bub and Feli drawing faces on the pictonians pictures. "Nice one, Feli" I giggled "thank you, Kaitlyn! How are-a the puppies and-a cubbies?" he asked "they're fine they grew 60 cm!" 

What an intriguing conversation. Why is this happening again?

then I turn my attention to the meeting and open the folder "Tony my righteous alien friend dude told me they are pictonians from the planet Picto. Like for real dudes. Picto is in like way far out in space." He continued "your brains in way far outer space" Arthur exclaimed "hello! Listen up! We can't let these nopras dudes make earth all freaky and boringly white! This is whack! We gotta stop these dudes! Also what's a nopras?" Alfred asked after a good little speech "it's a Japanese monster without eyes, nose or a mouth; its proper name is inotraple." I spoke up everyone looks at me then Arthur says "wait a tick does that mean this is all your fault japan?"

Why would any of the nations believe Serenia? Even if she explained that she figured it out from the “Paint It White” movie, she’d have to tell them how she came across the movie, either proving that she’s not from this universe or making the nations think she’s gone insane.

"Hey I only said what I learnt from japans old stories and he hasn't said a single word so it's not his fault." I defended while standing up "why the hell do I have to be turned into nopra, because of stupid japan and his scary story" Yao snapped I sighed and sat down and looked at the pictonians pictures I giggled and whispered something to Feli then we both giggled 

So she went from defending to sighing to giggling in a span of what, a minute? If Kaitlyn is so protective of Japan, why doesn’t she defend him when China speaks up? Why does she just sit down and start having another inane exchange with Italy?

"what is so funny, kaitren-chan?" 

Please no, not the Wapanese.

Kiku asked I smiled and said "is it just me or do these guys look like telitubies? Come on I can't be the only one thinking this" "Hahaha! Good one Kaitlyn!" 

This chapter is supposed to take place three months after the former one, and the last chapter ended in the middle of WWII. There is no way any of the nations would know about Teletubbies, which is a show that launched in 1997.

Alfred laughed then said "anyway, focus countries! Japan may have screwed things up but we still have time to fix it! Your ideas will all suck, so listen to me! We will combine all of our military strengths! I'll be in command so you'll have to wear the colour of my flag! All heroes wear red white and blue! And Kaitlyn?" I look up at him "yeah?" "I'll make sure you're safe by you and me sticking together! I'll be your hero!" he said as he winked at me I blushed furiously

The awful dialogue aside, I thought Kaitlyn was shipping herself with Holy Rome last chapter, to the point where she kept him from dying. Does she have a new fictional husband now?

"wait who in god's name put you in charge and why the bloody hell should Kaitlyn go with you?" Arthur yelled "duh, because I'm the hero everybody knows that and Kaitlyn needs a hero" Alfred replied "ohnohnohnohn! But I think Kaitlyn should come with me and not you" Francis said in all his creepiness 

France literally hasn’t done anything creepy, he just suggested Kaitlyn stick with him! Oh wait, I forgot the writer just wants to shoehorn in every trope imaginable into this fic for no reason at all.

"you keep your filthy perverted hands of Kaitlyn, cheesy monkey!" 

He wasn’t being perverted at all! #ProtectFrance2020

Arthur yelled "shut up, black sheep of Europe" "I told you not to call me that" then Arthur and Francis started fighting, Feli tried to hand out his white flags, Yao was arguing with Alfred about which country made the most popular movies, Ivan was releasing a purple aura, Ludwig was trying to stay calm and me I stood up and sat with my pups and cubs petting them as they slept

You’re telling me these baby animals are casually sleeping through a group of adults having multiple loud arguments?

'what am I going to do? Everything's just so crazy. Everyone is a lot more extreme than I thought, they act the same and yet they act different. 

How on earth does one “act the same yet act different”?

When I was in my world, everything seemed so easy. [Sigh] I guess not' "kaitren-chan." 

Spare me.

A voice brought me back noticing Kiku was in front of me "what's wrong, Kiku-san?" "I wanted to thank you for defending me earrier, arrigato" 

There’s no reason why Japan would thank Kaitlyn in Japanese when the rest of his sentence is in English, and that’s not even how you spell it.

he bowed I smiled then boom! I jump and my pups and cubs start barking and roaring 

I can guarantee you that baby tigers cannot roar.

I calm them down by speaking Serenian. I wait for Germany to stop yelling before heading to the doors "Kaitlyn? Vhere are you going?" Ludwig asked "I'm going to protect my country. I suggest you all do the same." Then I walked out of the room. 2 hours later. 

Where are they? Assuming they’re not in Serenia, it would take Kaitlyn quite a while to get home, especially since they’re in a time of war. She definitely wouldn’t be able to reach Serenia in two hours.

I'm standing with my army of 1,000 women and men armed with guns and arrows, 

How are they going to shoot the arrows without bows? 

I'm wearing a long flowing white skirt with a long slit that reaches 10cm from the waist, my black cloak, 

A flowing skirt and a cloak are not at all practical for war, especially not a skirt with a slit. She’s going to get strangled with her cloak or trip over herself, mark my words.

a gold staff with a gold crescent at the top the staff was an inch above my head my height is 1, 80, 

A few things to address here. First, isn’t Kaitlyn fifteen? How can a fifteen-year-old be that tall? Second, there’s no way that staff would do any damage, especially in a twentieth-century war when so much technology was developed. Gold is expensive as hell, too, so how could she make an entire staff from it?

I had a black camisole on and had gold two gold bracelets on my left ankle, one each on my wrists, a necklace with a silver water lily pendent and a gold necklace that fit on my head so that the crescent moon pendent was positioned on the centre of my forehead and I wore no shoes just bare feet. 

No way someone can run or fight properly while wearing heavy gold bracelets, a silver pendant, a gold headdress and no shoes. You’re fighting in a war, for goodness’ sake, your feet are going to be severely hurt if you don’t wear anything on them.

"When the enemy comes show no fear and if the enemy shoots dodge then strike!" I commanded my cubs and pups were beside me growling. 

You took your defenceless baby pets, the only Serenian native animals left, to a battlefield?

The earth started to shake a little "get ready!" I yelled the pictonians ships were in sight "FIRE!" I yelled my army fire their guns and arrows but they just turn all wiggly and white "crap!" I curse then the pictonians shoot the flower blossom beam me, my pups and cubs run and dodge the beam

Without being trampled to death by the rest of the fleeing soldiers, and fast enough to dodge the beam despite being, again, babies? Fat chance.

my army wasn't so lucky they got hit with the beam, then they started to stalk towards us "Kilala! Sesa! Nomura! Herona! Zecremea nomraxia qoxirizakri merase"(Translation: come we must run, my children!)" 

Please, no more nonsensical Serenian.

We start running and an explosion happened bits of the arrows and metal from the guns flew at my cubs and pups I block them and got cut every were it hurt so much, then I hear something "Kaitlyn! Dude come on!" I look and see Alfred on a helicopter when I reach the helicopter 

Shouldn’t he be back in America, defending his own people?

I look back and call out to my pups and cubs "come on almost there!" then disaster. Another flower beam was shot and it hit them, my pups and cubs, my babies 

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT THEM ALONG!

"no! No!" I try and run to them but, Alfred pulled me into the helicopter and restrained me the helicopter took off when I stopped struggling Alfred let me go. I cried, I let everything go. I dropped to my knees and cried Alfred sat on his knees and embraced me I cried into his jacket "Katie, everything's going to be okay. We'll get them back I don't know how but we will, I promise." 

Oh wow, this is so touching.

He said 'that doesn't really sound like him this must really be bad' I stopped crying and hugged Alfred "al, thanks for saving me I assume they got you?" ' assume I know they got him' "yeah, my missiles did nothing then they turned the statue of liberty all white and wiggly" "they did that as well to the valley of blue roses" (for all those who don't know in Serenia their national land mark is a valley of blue roses since blue roses are unnatural and were originally white it is said that on the night of a blue moon the glow of the full moon turned them blue.) 

Couldn’t the story behind the rose valley be included in the story instead of being dumped to us between brackets? 

"We're heading to a temporary headquarters, okay?" I nodded I started humming 'safe and sound by Taylor swift' then Alfred asked "hey Katie what song is that?" 'Crap! I forgot Taylor swift hasn't even been born yet and... Wait a minute the songs I know are from the year 2013 and it's what like 1980, I'll keep it to myself.' "It's called safe and sound a little thing I made up to keep me sane when Switzerland attacked" 

Finally, a rational decision. Also, if this chapter took place three months after the last, wouldn’t it be, like 1945 at most? How did the author forget something they wrote themself?

"Kaitlyn, when the war hit were you afraid that your country would be destroyed and you would ya know die?" "No, I feared for my countries people and animal life besides no one would really miss me." "That's not true! Iggy would miss you, Italy would miss you, jack and Allistor would miss you and I would defiantly miss you we all care about you Kaitlyn no matter what!" "Alfred." I smiled and hugged Alfred even tighter "Kaitlyn, I'm glad you're my best friend ""I'm glade too"

You’re what now?

then I fell asleep. 20 minutes later. We had almost reached the temporary hide out Alfred had to carry me on his back because I couldn't walk anymore I was partially covered in cuts and bruises and my head hurt badly. 

Didn’t you just say you were cut “every were?”

"Al, remind me to kick the pictonians ass later please." "No prob" when we were close enough we could see everyone was there. Feli lifted his head and saw Alfred and smiled but, then he saw me he squealed and ran to Alfred and I. "Kaitlyn! What-a happened!?" he asked frantically "Feli, calm down I'm fine." I reassure him then I was lifted off of Alfred's back and carried to the temporary 

The temporary what?

I look up to see Germany "thanks." I said he smiled and place me on crate then china tended to my wounds. 

Is the medical centre just a crate? If not, what on earth is the author trying to describe here?

"Thanks china I owe you one" I said "no problem Kaitlyn!" he replied I noticed Feli walking around looking for something. "Hey Feli what are you looking for?" he turned to me and smiled "I-a think the puppies and cubbies are playing hide and-a seek with me so I'm-a trying to find them." I looked down and said "they're not playing hide and seek Feli." "Oh, then where are-a they?" I started to tear up I look at him as I raise my head and say "ask the pictonians" he paled

“Kaitlyn, you fucking idiot, why did you bring them along with you to fight?”

"becoming a pictonian appears to be our fate" I say "I refuse to become as ugly as the rest of you" France says "look on the bright side at least you won't smell like drunk cheese" England commented "chill out, we're not gonna let this get us down. Dudes, we're gonna stand together whether we like it or not. I don't!" Alfred said then Russia said "I agree, I don't like it!" then china said "that's right we should work together even if we hate it. I hate it!" "I hate it more" Arthur added "Qui j'detetes" France sighed "no rikey, but we should listen to each other's ideas" japan stated 

The next person to use “no rikey” unironically will be executed at dawn.

"right, all zhose in favour for us to vork togezher raise your hand now" Germany said everyone but me and Feli raised their then Italy looked around and raised his hand and said "pasta~" I raise my hand and Alfred said sounding confident "check this out a douse of originality we get a super hero with a deflector shield to beat the crap out of those guys" 

Haha comedy, am I right?

then Italy said "I think japan should do it I-a mean he's-a got eave**** and let's not forget about gun**" but those are just anime" japan said 

Both Evangelion or Gundam were developed in the late twentieth century, decades after this story takes place. Plus, Italy isn’t so stupid as to believe that the mechas from those show exist in real life, is he?

"if you are looking for anime I can totally do that" china interrupted then a blurred picture appeared "you know I think I heard about that somewhere but better" Arthur says "yeah" everyone agrees "it original chines idea!" china fumed "excuse me" Germany said to grab our attention "maybe ve should oh I don't know zhink of ideas zhat are realistic" he said looking ready to blow 

Thank you, Germany. 

"I was thinking the exact same thing my idea is perfectly realistic" Arthur said looking confident "alright what do you have in mind, Arthur" I ask then he shows us a dark magic circle 

How the hell did he make that so quickly?

"yeah we need something realistic" everyone said "you wankers don't ignore me!" Arthur yelled "my turn, how about we find their leader and hold them for ransom" I suggest "still need a realistic idea" they said then we hear a sound "Fucking" over and over we look at a screen to see a little grey alien "ah, what a charming alien" France said sarcastically "he's no alien! Tony is my best friend!" Alfred said sounding offended "that doesn't mean he's not a bloody alien!" Arthur said but, was ignored by Alfred "Tony what's the scoop bra?" "fu-"he tried to say but I interrupted saying "hey Tony? Think you could I don't know not pull any crap on us. Remember how you owe me from 30 years ago. I need you to show us the pictonians website and put on the translator software, please?" 

What does Tony owe Kaitlyn and why was this never mentioned?? Also, the internet didn’t exist in WWII, what is going on -

he nodded and put up a website and then the translator thing made all the alien language translate in to English. Then a video played explaining the pictonians intentions. "It appears our planet is doomed." " ?" "What did he say now?" japan asked and Alfred replied "the more evolved the species the more their faces look nopra like" "oh, I have collection of evolving I'd like to show them" Russia said as he released a purple aura 

The fuck does this mean?

"Vhere are zhey veak? Zhey must have a veakness' Germany said "they do" Tony replied then everyone but me flipped out "why haven't you been speaking English this whole time!?" France asked while freaking out "because I don't do dubs" Tony replied as he searched for something on his iPhone "okay their weaknesses are…" 

WHY DOES HE HAVE AN IPHONE IN WWI!?

he continued. Then I had a dizzy spell. I felt pulse "sunflower, you're alright, da?" Russia asked

Haha he used “da” haha so very Russia of him.

"I-I'm fine, Russia" I replied holding my head "call me Ivan" he said then Alfred yelled "TONY!" that set me off I collapsed to the floor a bright white light covered my vision, as I fell I heard someone call out "Kaitlyn!". Then, I heard the giddy British voice again "well poppet, looks like you've been telling people you get visions, huh? Well, we don't want you to be a liar now do we? So every time a something big is going to happen, you will suffer a dizzy spell and have a vision. Well I better be off ta-ta poppet" then it all went black. 

Oh, it’s the magic fellow from the first chapter. Will it ever be explained who they are or why they’re doing this to Kaitlyn? My money’s on “no”.

Suddenly, I saw everyone being turned into pictonians Alfred, Arthur, Francis, Ivan, Yao, jack, Allistor, Ludwig and Kiku then I turn and see Feli get turned into a pictonian 'no' 

Why is Italy’s transformation the last straw?

I ran at the pictonians tears blurring my vision. I felt myself lift off the ground then gone I lost the vision. "Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn wake up!" I heard I slowly open my eyes to see Alfred above me with worry in his eyes and me I was on the floor with everyone surrounding me "I'm fine I just had a vision" I said as I hopped up everyone look at me and didn't looked convinced "trust me guys I'm fine this happens only at certain times." I said then a green light flashed we ran to the light and stopped when we saw a huge pictonian ship. As it was landing a powerful wind blew everywhere it almost knocked down everyone but, it blew me backwards until someone caught me I look and see Allistor holding me by my waist "wouldn't want ye ta blow away now would we?" he said smiling "thank you, Allistor" I said holding onto him. 

And there goes another character into Kaitlyn’s harem.

When the wind stopped we all saw the ship in font "I think this is the mother ship" japan said "Hahaha those stupid aliens are so predictable" Alfred mocked "Allistor you can let go now." I said as I barely held my blush he blushed furiously and let me go "look!" Germany said as we see the pictonians marching onto the mother ship not noticing us "I think that's where they keep the humans that haven't been turned into pictonians probably human enslavement" I said "unacceptable ve must act now!" Germany yell as he marched towards the ship then japan stopped him "Germany I'm sorry I touched you but we must act reasonabry." "Must kill!" he replies 

Why is Germany suddenly talking like a caveman? Goodness, if I had a dollar for every question I asked while reading this mess of a fic I’d be the richest person alive.

"hey, dudes!" Alfred said to get everyone's attention "I have an idea how about we infiltrate the ship and find their weakness!" he suggested "yes, I like the way you are thinking" china said enthusiastically "you can leave the spying to me" Arthur said confidently "and leave the animal rescuein ta me" jack said "nothing ventured nothing gained is what they arways say" japan said "exactly 'ow are zhey?" France asked "I know a way we can get inside!" we all looked and see Feli in a pictonian costume "tada!" "VHAT ZA HELL!? VHAT IS ZAT!?" Germany asked/yelled

You could just use “yelled”.

"it's my-a pictonian costume I made-a it with all the white flag material I have! Woohoo! I made-a one for everybody!" he laughed pointing to a box with pictonian costumes. Everyone just stared at it for a while. Then I walked to the box and grabbed one my size I put it on over my clothes.

One your size? You’re telling me Italy managed to make a number of fake-outfits with multiple sizes while the rest of the nations were running out to see the ship?

When I was done everyone was wearing theirs then they all ran to the ship yelling their battle cries "ATTACK!" "Hahaha! Hail the conquering hero" "double O ninja!" "I'm ready" "what a relief I still look fabulous!" "Hold on tight panda!" "I reap into battre!" "Aussie!" "Whiskey power!" only me and Feli didn't move "we'll wait for you guys here!" he cheered as he waved his white flag "Italy! Serenia! You both are coming vith us!" Germany yelled as he stood in front of Feli!" "But, running onto-a the aliens ship seams reckless-a to me. Besides I don't want to get my costume dirty. What do you think bella?" then he looked at me "Feli, I'm scared." I said as I looked up at him with tears in my eyes 'it's true I am scared, I'm scared that I screwed everything up and what if everyone gets turned into a pictonian' then I felt a hand on mine I look to see Feli with his eyes open looking at me "let's-a go Kaitlyn. We'll-a do this together!" he beamed I smiled and ran with Feli who yelled his battle cry "PASTA~!" in turn I yelled mine "the angel has arrived!" 

Why would Kaitlyn be described as an angel? She’s done nothing remotely angelic in the story so far.

20 minutes later. We're all on the ship we hide behind a corner "ok, here's the plan Russia back me up, japan you back me up too and Iggy..." Alfred said when we were all in a circle with Germany holding eleven sticks "pick one each vhatever colour you get is zhe group you're in." he said "don't ignore me!" Alfred whined every one picked a stick France went with Arthur, Alfred went with Ivan and china, Germany went with japan and Feli. Me I went with Allistor and jack. We're walking down a hall way. 

Nice tense change there.

'I'm not scared' "ya know we need 'a find the captured humans, righ'?" "No, I thought we're er ta play golf, we're not stupid lad we know what we're ta do." The continued arguing then I heard a noise and saw round the corner pictonians "shh!" I pulled them into a room but part of my pictonian costume ripped at my lower half reviling my lower half and the warrior skirt. "Great just great" I said sarcastically "Kaitlyn? Love is that you?" I turn around and see Arthur and France standing in front of a blue ball "what happened?" Arthur asked "these two dumbbells attracted unwanted attention so I acted fast and pulled us into the nearest room" I said a little peeved. 

“Dumbbells” is a weak-ass insult.

Arthur scolded them while me and France looked at the globe I touched my country like Arthur was supposed to do with his country. Then a little page popped at the side of it but it was in the alien's language "damn, hey Arthur little help?" I ask he stops and chucks me his phone 

Again with the cell phones! Isn’t it supposed to be the mid-twentieth century?

I look through it and put up the alien translator app then the screen scanned the page and processed the data then it binged and it all translated into English I read it aloud once the guys stopped fighting "Serenia, a peaceful country with both beautiful fauna and flora and also a former pirate now a polite lady. Serenia is a former pacifist but, during world war two and seeing some of her people and most of the fauna life massacred she became a fighter. She often gets stuck in the middle of love, because all the male countries are in love with her and she can't decide" 

Woah. I couldn’t have come up with a more Mary Sue-ish description if I tried.

I blushed furiously and silently handed Arthur back his phone "love? Are you alright?" he said with a red face "p-p-please j-just go c-check your country" 

I can tick “badly-written stuttering” off my bad fanfic bingo now.

I stuttered not being able to keep my cool. Arthur looked at his country and started fighting with France I ran up to them and tried to break them up "guys! You have to stop" then France accidently back handed me I hit the floor but no one helps me up. Allistor and jack tried separating Arthur and Francis then the door opened and the pictonians appeared "what do we do now?" Francis asked 

I don’t know, maybe run instead of twiddling your thumbs?

"don't worry I'm sure there is a trap door here somewhere" Arthur said then a rope appeared next to him "see what did I tell you" he pulled the rope and the four of them fell through the trap door leaving me on the floor the pictonians looked at me 'I'm screwed' they didn't move "huh?" I looked down and saw that I look like someone turning into a pictonian. ' alright, let's play pictonian' so I found my other half of my costume and slowly pulled it on and pretended it hurt then to seal the deal I was next to the trap door and screamed at the top of my lungs "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" then I slowly stood up slouching like them then they left. 

I understood like ten words out of this section. 

I shed the pictonian costume and fluffed out my black cloak and skirt I checked to see if my necklace on my head was still there and if my foldable gold staff was in the side of my skirt, luckily they were but unluckily, the staff put a little cut in my side making blood drops appear. 

And this, kids, is why you don’t fight with fucking staffs. Also, how on earth is a tall, heavy staff made out of gold able to fold in on itself?

I ran out of the room and followed the pictonians without them noticing me. Then I see everyone in a corner. Found the alarm system, pulled and jumped in the vent the pictonians turned their attention to the alarm I slowly crawled in the air vent but, then I made a wrong move and fell. I waited for the impact but it never came I opened my eyes to see that china caught me "china, thank you!" I said as I hugged him "it is alright and please call me Yao" he smiled as he blushed lightly then set me on the ground 

Dammit, there goes another one.

"Kaitlyn, you're alright" Feli cried as he hugged me. Then a green light grew bright we all looked to see the pictonians about to turn us into one of them. "We. Are. Screwed." I stated "wait, ret me try something" Kiku said "go ahead, Kiku-san" I said. "Pictonians we have come to show you our hospitarity." He said "WHAT!?" everyone but me yelled I ran next to Kiku and backed him up saying "Kiku is right we should show them what earth has to offer. If we show them how fun and fantastic earth is maybe they won't invade earth, change everything back to normal and leave."

Nice idea, but they’ve kind of already invaded earth. You’re too late, honey.

Then Yao said "leave it to me!" then a china town appeared and all the pictonians were sitting at tables with food in front of them "please eat as much as you want" Yao offered "don't-a mind if I-a do!" Feli said with a plate of food in his hand "zhat is not for you!" Germany yelled "but why does-a Kaitlyn get-a to eat?" he complained "because it's just a mango and I haven't eaten since yesterday" I said the pictonians started to eat 

What does China serving mangoes have to do with why she gets to eat?

"so you like it am I right?" Yao asked confidently "we don't know" they answered Yao "I'm so glad you like it. Wait you don't know?" he asked "we don't know" they replied then France tried to get them to eat his countries cuisine but got the same reply "I would like to be going now don't be letting me down" Ivan said to the Baltics "yes sir" they replied then done a ballet to swan lake in female ballerina outfits' 

Poor Baltics. What did they do to deserve being put in this fic?

that's just cruel' then they spun off stage "we don't know" the pictonians said I thought of what hospitality I could provide 'belly dancing and flowers' I played belly dancing music and hopped on the stage and danced. Every time I could I threw a bunch of flowers to the pictonians. 

Where did she get - I’m not going to question things any more.

I heard my friends shouting out "go, sheila!" "Shake it, Kaitlyn" "go, bella!" when I finished I posed with my hands above my head and one leg at the front the pictonians gave me an unexpected answer "it was good" I jumped off the stage and Alfred picked me up and spun me in the air "dude that was awesome where did you learn to do that?" he asked as he set me on the ground "I went to India a little while back and learned belly dancing" I replied then Germany tried to give a pictonian some beer but struggled a bit "dude, let me help you out" Alfred said then a casino popped out of nowhere. All the pictonians were at slot machines and one hit the jackpot, another got kissed by two girls in bunny costumes. "Men" I said as I walked away from Alfred. 

Haha guise get it? She’s totally a strong independent woman who laughs when men are being stupid even though she has ten of them chasing after her!

I noticed Feli with the pictonians having fun then everything went wrong. The pictonians had eaten one of Arthur's scones and turned blue in the face. "Come on, what-a happened? Let's-a eat another scone" Feli said happily and the pictonians replied "no way" "guys I think this is our cue to leave" jack said and with that we ran. "Well, what now genius?" I ask then Alfred stops at a door and presses a button then the door opens to show us a long drop out of the ship into the ocean "Geronimo!" Alfred yells as he jumps then everyone but me and Feli are left "Feli come on it's better than being turned into a pictonian" I say then we jump. During the fall Feli had his eyes closed, me mine were open and it's a good thing too, because up ahead was a huge pointy rock. We were falling fast so I pushed Feli out of the way and he missed the rock by an inch. I, on the other hand got the full blow of the rock it my stomach leaving a huge gash then my back. 

Wouldn’t she also break some bones and presumably die on impact? Falling from a high place onto a sharp rock would definitely leave more than two gashes.

I fell in the ocean hard and hit my head on a rock I slowly lost consciousness as I rose to the surface. 20 minutes later. I woke up on a sandy surface and I immediately started coughing up water and feeling the sting of salt water in my wounds. "Hello? Is someone there?" I heard a familiar British voice call "Arthur?" I call out but no reply I stand up and limp to where the sound came from. I keep walking until I hear crying I stumble to the noise and soon am hiding behind a tree looking at a camp fire with everyone around it. "b-but, where-a I-I-is Kaitlyn? Feli cried "we need to find her now I-I just couldn't bear to think what I would do without her" Alfred admitted everyone nodded their heads in agreement "it's so nice to see how much you guys care for me" I said as I came out from behind the tree with my cloak covering my body. They all lifted their heads and Feli tackled me to the ground "bella, I-"but before he could finish his sentence I howled out in pain "aaahhhh!" 

You should’ve collapsed a long time ago.

Feli got up and looked at his hands and his eyes opened and widened showing terror "b-bella, w-w-why are-a you bleeding?" he shakily asked I stood up to see everyone staring at me with pale faces "I had a little accident." I said they still didn't look convinced. I felt a pulsing pain in my stomach as I fell to my knees 

Yeah, there it is.

"Kaitlyn!" they all ran to me I undid the lock on me cloak "Kaitlyn what's wrong!?" Alfred asked as he looked like he was about to cry. I removed my cloak and reviling my injuries everyone gasped in horror. "Well are you going t-"I lost consciousness in the middle of my sentence. In my dream world.

It’s magic teleportation man, isn’t it.

"Hello?" I call no answer "hello, poppet." I turn around to see a man with strawberry blond hair and bushie eye brows he had neon blue eyes, he wore a pink vest over a white dress shirt and army green slacks and a purple bow tie. Then it hit me I know who he is "O-Oliver Kirkland!?" 

YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING -

I ask he clapped his hands while jumping up and down "oh, you figured it out poppet well done! But please call me Ollie" he giggled 'only because I read fan fiction' 

How does Kaitlyn reading fanfiction relate to her being allowed to call Oliver “Ollie”? So many sentences in this fic are just strung together with no relation whatsoever.

"you sent me here didn't you?" I asked he stopped bouncing and smiled "yes, we brought you here because you have such a vast knowledge on us and wanted Hetalia to be real so badly that we decide to bring you here and make you a country. Isn't wonderful? We picked you out of all the girls and boys in the world" he said "yes I am grateful but, what do you mean by 'we'?" 

Oh, so her teleportation into the Hetalia world is explained. Still makes no sense why she was picked, though.

I asked he smiled but made it even more cheerful looking "I mean-""the cupcake freak means us, doll" I looked behind me to see 2P America Allen Johnson or as he prefers to called Al, he had red/brown hair, red eyes, a bomber jacket with a fifty on the back, black gloves, sunglasses and, like the fan fiction says, a baseball bat with nails at the top. 

OH MY GOODNESS, NOT THE ANOTHER COLOURS.

And another thing: why is Allen’s appearance described as being “like the fanfiction says”? Since the Another Colour Main Six aren’t canon (only their Nyotalia forms are), everyone has a different interpretation of what they look like. What fanfiction is Kaitlyn referring to?

I need to stop asking questions when it’s clear I won’t get answers.

I started blushing because when I found out about the 2P's I developed a crush on them. "Well hello, doll face" he said as he walked up to me "Al" was all I could say he smiled and put a finger under my chin and moved his face closer about 2 inches from mine "heh, she's pretty cute. No 2P Serenia but hey she's just as cute" 

ANOTHER ONE IN THE HAREM.

he said I backed away a little "you mean I have a 2P?" I asked then Oliver came from behind and hugged me I yelped and winced Oliver looked down and said "oh dear you got injured. We'll bring you to Yung" then another figure appeared with a medical kit. He looked like Yao except he had black hair and red eyes 

Doesn’t regular China also have black hair? Also, what the fuck kind of name is “Yung?” That syllable doesn’t exist in Chinese.

"hello, Mrs. Water lily" he said as he tended to my wounds as I sat on the floor "it's nice to meet you, and you don't have to be so formal with me please call me anything you like" I beamed he had a light blush across his cheeks "fine, I will call you… nightingale because you have the beautiful voice of one" he said I turned bright red. 

You’ve met her for at most five minutes.

When he finished I had a bandage around my whole torso and stomach and head. 

A bandage around her torso, stomach and head? She must look like a mummy from the waist up.

"Thanks, I owe you one." I said "oh, don't worry about it, poppet. We wouldn't want you to be hurt now would we?" Oliver said "now, see that door?" he said as a blue door appeared "uh huh" I said "go straight through it and you'll wake up to the 1P's and have theses bandages on still" he said. 

So the Another Colour characters were only brought up to keep Kaitlyn from dying and providing exposition. Well, I shouldn’t have expected anything more.

I walk to the but I stop when I put my hand on the handle I turn to the 2P's "but will I see any of you guys again" I ask. Al smiles and says "of course. Why wouldn't we want to see your cute face again, doll face" Al replied I nodded and walked through the door. When I wake up. I open my eyes and see Feli asleep and everyone else talking about things 'no sign of Sealand' I sit up and groan "ow, my head" everyone looks at me their eyes widen as I stand up. "Will you stop looking at me like that? I'm fine" I said smiling "cheerio everyone!" we turn our heads to see Sealand on his 'country' 'I haven't met Sealand yet' "I brought my whole country here to help you all!" he shouted "you don't have a whole country to begin with go home you little pipsqueak!" Arthur yelled.

“Sealand and England arguing over whether or not he’s a country” trope, check.

5 minutes later. Everyone just finished eating food from Yoa's resort that was conveniently on the island. 

Who is Yoa?

"I am so full at moment" Yao said rubbing his belly. "Who knew you had a resort on this island" Arthur said I sat on the shore of the ocean, letting the water touch my feet. 'My babies, I raised them from pups and cubs and now their pictonians.'

What an out-of-place line to wrap up this chapter. The conversation has just started, nobody has responded to it and nobody knows what will happen. It feels very abrupt.

...

Well, that was it. I am in immense pain and I feel like I’ve lost a few brain cells. This was maybe the most illogical, unenjoyable thing I’ve read in quite a while, but am I going to also review the other chapters? Yes. For now, I’m going to rethink my life choices and try to forget what I read here.

[hellospunkiebrewster]

First fight ernest x emmeline????

So it is 100% about Percival. I really struggle with PB’s use of the secret child being the actual secret child of Richards and Roselyn. Literally, this child could’ve been something Gideon made up after he learned of Tristan’s affair and Roselyn Sinclaire’s pregnancy and death. He could’ve searched for a close enough aged child in an orphanage in France and sculpted the narrative from there. That Ernest told no one of the child and shipped him to France to live with Roselyn’s family. That this random French child was the heir to Karlington. This was possible and believable. After all, do we really think Gideon Payne, revolutionist extraordinaire, would trust Tristan Richards any further than he could throw him?

Tristan Richards should’ve literally just been a plan to get back to England and back in the ton’s social circle. He would’ve kept the child secret to be revealed once Richards worn out his use. 

I will always struggle with PB’s decision to have Ernest keep Percival a secret until you are quite literally only several weeks from marrying him. Ernest Sinclaire is supposed to be sincere and this move is anything but. Sure, perhaps if he wasn’t an LI this move makes sense because he owes MC nothing as they aren’t in a relationship outside of frequenting the same circles. The move is entirely out of character for an Ernest Sinclaire who is engaged to the MC.

Anyhow, enough of my griping, here’s a little drabble about it.

--

Ernest Sinclaire knows he made a grave mistake the very instant that Emmeline’s face snaps away from him, downcast and to the side. The bit of her cheek closest to her mouth pulls inward, between her teeth and her nostrils flare with a deep, shuddering inhale. The Countess pushes the tidal surge of emotion threatening to crash from her down. Though she can feel the painful prick of tears on her eyes, she remains steady, unmoved, for a moment as she allows the completely unbelievable truth to seep into her mind and take hold.

Ernest can see a movement lower along her body, her hands clenching into fists or her chest heaving in emotion perhaps, but he cannot look away from her eyes. The instant the words left his lips something changed behind them.

Once dark orbs that held a fire that the country squire enjoyed toying with, the radiance in her gaze shifts to something dangerous and out of control. Emmeline takes one step back from him, then another, before she turns away entirely. Her head shakes from side to side, again and again, as though she cannot reconcile the words she just heard with what she knew about the man she was to marry. 

Her clenched hands disappear from Ernest Sinclaire’s view and he can only assume she’d crossed her arms as she begins pacing. She finally speaks and it causes Ernest to release a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

Her voice is quiet at first, hurt and wounded. “This entire time... you withheld this information from me.” Emmeline takes another deep breath and when she exhales partially she hugs her arms tighter to her ribcage. In a singular explosive flash, her face, once holding an injured soft brow, contorts and hardens. Her next words are louder and the fire Ernest had grown fond of blazed to an inferno and she meets his eyes for the first time since he’d confessed to her.

“How am I meant to trust you after you hid such a thing?”

Ernest’s insides twist into a knot worse than the one he’d been living with since Gideon Payne showed his face once again under the guise of Comte Renard. He looks down at his hands, wringing and writhing over one another, and he cannot bring himself to meet Emmeline’s gaze again.

“I will understand if you can’t.” He weighs his next words in his mind first before they cross over his tongue. “But, I do hope you know that I remain faithfully behind you, as always.”

Emmeline’s brow softens a nearly imperceptible amount when Ernest finishes, though she still appears more angry than comforted. Her voice wavers, tiptoeing along the paper’s edge of her emotion, when she is able to speak again.

“And I, you. Surely you realize it has always been so for me.”

Ernest massages the fingers of his left hand on his temple and back, his finger tips disappearing into his hair. “This I know, but it never seemed relevant, and I suppose I wished to bury the past and move on.”

In her tepid partial forgiveness, Emmeline had released the inside of her cheek from between her teeth, but as Ernest speaks she starts to chew at it once more. There’s a faint metallic taste there, though she feels nothing. “You honestly cannot believe that this information was never potentially useful before.” Her chest swells and instead of completing her though, she watches Ernest intently and he has no words.

“I have no secrets from you.” Emmeline’s voice cracks.

He feels utterly scrutinized under her gaze. Though he’d attended a top boarding school after his parents’ deaths and a couple years at Oxford before he was entirely prepared to take over as the young Master of Ledford, he felt an idiot at this moment. 

Emmeline huffs, her eyes still not wavering from Ernest. “Quite possibly that whole engagement with Richards,” her face contorted at his name as though it left an acrid taste in her mouth and her eyes flare with a renewed fire, out of control, “might have been avoided if you could’ve swallowed your precious pride.”

Her words eviscerate Ernest, leaving him feeling as though there was a gaping hole in his chest. 

The moment Emmeline’s lips purse close she realizes the mistake she’d made. Her fiancé was far from proud, he was probably the exact opposite. All these years he had protected Roselyn’s honor for her family’s sake. All these years he had kept quiet after saying goodbye to a child he had begun to love as his own. While he had never told Emmeline something that could’ve been vital and important information he had reasons, as stupid as protecting a dead girl that he owed nothing to was. Sometimes she spoke too fast for her own good and dug herself a hole, just as she had right now. She hadn’t meant it but she was far too hurt by his inability to share with her to take it back right now.

The silence between them fills the extravagant parlor of Ernest Sinclaire’s townhome, taking residence in every little nook of the large room. Emmeline desperately wanted to know the entire story of Ernest and Roselyn this time, but she felt so entirely ashamed by what she said that she can’t bring herself to speak.

When someone finally speaks, it is Ernest and his voice is small and defeated. “I deserved that.”

“This does not change my feelings for you Ernest, my love, nor my intention to marry you but realize that it may take me some time to get over this revelation.” She pauses in her thought and moves across the room to the settee. “But I should like to know the full story.”

--

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[nix1327]

Whumptober #12: “Don’t move”

It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote anything but I guess this prompt was just really gettin under my skin. That and Shobbs is just too tempting not to write them. Anyway enjoy! Also, I have no knowledge whatsoever about bombs so sorry if this isn’t actually a thing.

“Don’t move.”

Shaw looked down to see sunlight glinting off of metal and cursed every god he’d ever tried to worship. They had been walking for hours in the middle of the bloody desert in Helmand; a stupid recon mission for Mr. Nobody.

It’d been just Deckard’s luck that the first time they stopped during their draining treck had been because his dumbarse had stepped on an I.E.D. Deckard couldn’t even comprehend the thought that he’d go out from a homemade bomb in the middle of arsewipe nowhere. It was a recon mission for fuck’s sake.

“Shit. Don’t move.”

“You already said that, genius. How bout you use that big head of yours to tell me something I don’t know.”

Shaw knew that this really wasn’t the time to be arguing, but this day had been a shitstorm from the start and he was feeling just a tad irritable. Call him a drama queen, he was probably gonna be dead in the next few minutes anyway.

“Okay there should be a US base a little over 50 miles from here. I can go and find the bomb squad. If I leave my gear here I could make it there before sunset. We’d be back in less than 2 hours after that.”

Hobbs was rambling as he began quickly removing his gear. He was rapidly shifting into work mode and Shaw knew he’d be heading for the military base in the blink of an eye if he didn’t say something right the fuck now.

“Hobbs.”

“My average marathon time is 3 hours 23 minutes but I can maybe cut it down by half an hour.”

“Hobbs.”

“I should be to the base in less than 6 hours and then if we drove at 80-“

“LUKE.” Hobbs paused in his, dare I say, frantic removal of tactical gear and looked at Deckard for the first time since noticing the I.E.D.

“Stop. Just stop. This is an active war zone. It took us hours just to plot out this route. You can’t go running through enemy territory without expecting to get shot, or worse, caught.”

“What are you saying?” Hobbs’ voice was confused when he spoke.

“What I’m saying is that you need to take all your gear and go. Leave me. Finish the mission.” Deckard looked him right in the eye when he said this and Hobbs just stood there for a second, dumbfounded before realization dawned.

“Now why in the everliving fuck would I do that? Can you diffuse a bomb you’re standing on? No? I didn’t think so. How do you expect to wait that long for me to finish this fucking recon? Huh? You want to wait 48 hours in a blazing desert? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

Shaw just waited and gave his partner a look until Hobbs understood what exactly Deckard was on about. He started shaking his head vehemently when he got it.

“No way. No. Absolutely not. No matter how much you don’t like it, we’re a team and we’re in this together. I am not leaving you to die.”

“It’s the only way. There’s no going about this, mate. It’s a time sensitive mission and we don’t have time for this.”

“You mean we don’t have time for your life? If we don’t have time for that, I don’t know what we do have time for.”

“You can’t go the base. It’s suicide.”

“It’s murder if I let you blow yourself up here.”

“Jesus, Hobbs. You’re not the one who put the bloody thing in the ground! It’s not on you! Things happen and all you can do is adapt. There’s no other option.“

“I’m not leaving you.” There was steel in his voice.

“Well I’m stepping off this damn thing sooner rather than later.”

Luke lifted his chin in a challenge. “Fine. Do it.”

“BLOODY HELL, man! Leave!” Luke leveled Deckard with a look, widened his stance, and crossed his arms.

“If you won’t leave for the mission, do it for Samantha. Don’t you want to see your daughter grow up?” Deckard could see Luke shift minutely at that. Good. Bloody wanker’s finally listening to sense.

“She’ll understand why I had to stay.” Deckard felt his eyes widen in disbelief.

“What the hell are you on about? Why the fuck would you die in this shitstorm of a country when you could be on your way home to your daughter?!?” Luke clenched his jaw and stood his ground for a moment. He let his eyes flit around before they landed on Deckard again, a determined glare in them.

“I will not go home without you.”

Not go home without you? What the fuck kind of drugs was he even on? It’s like he was implying that Deckard was the reason he wouldn’t lea- oh. Oh.

Deckard’s mouth snapped shut and he stood there for a second. Taking it in, weighing his options. Luke was a stubborn bastard on the best of days. And when he got like this, well, there was really nothing Deckard could do except the obvious.

“I’m stepping off.” Luke locked eyes with him and nodded.

“Okay.”

Deckard took a deep breathe and looked up to the sky. He thought about Hattie and Owen and Mum. He thought about all the things he never said to them, the things he never got to do. The things he was never able to make up for.

Then he looked at Luke and he thought of all the things that could’ve been, and he found that there was definitely a bit of regret there. Bloody damn idiot, waitin til now to pipe up. He shifted his gaze down to his boots and the dusty earth, but thought better of it and looked back up at Luke. Might as well have a nice last view, he thought, and took a step

A tiny explosion- like firecrackers- set off a spray of small rocks that flew through the air. A muffled pop could be heard by both men and then, nothing.

Hobbs looked at Shaw and Shaw looked at Hobbs and they didn’t say anything for a good minute.

Then it was like a huge breathe of air was released and the world kept spinning again. Deckard took a moment before he hefted his backpack up higher onto his shoulders and made his legs start moving again. He patted Luke’s shoulder when he passed him and after a moments hesitation, Luke gathered his things, turned, and followed after Deckard.

They had a job to do and what else could they do but get ‘er done. Maybe when they were home, LA or London; didn’t make much of a difference to Deckard at the moment, they would sit down and talk this out. For now, they just walked on. And if they walked just that little bit closer than they did before, well, Deckard didn’t mention it when their shoulders brushed.