#(i am going so gaga over them over this over everything about this energy right now you dO NOT understand)

[fellstcr]

" when it is your creation day , " seiros explained , tying a leather cord around byleth's wrist . a small , pressed golden pendent strung between two leather cords , small ( for she could not afford much more ) and but genuine . " you should be gifted gold : that you might yet go on to grow under her loving watch . "

the tradition was simple : be gifted a golden emblem on your creation day for good fortune in the coming year . stars for wisdom and guidance , hearts for bravery and love , spirals for protection and good health , and diamonds for prosperity and good fortune . every nabatean received a gift of gold at some point in their youth . . . commissioned specifically with them in mind .

" i chose a star , for i believe we all could use a guiding star to show us the way . for the moments we are lost and , also , for the times we must question our paths . i hope . . . that this emblem leads you gently in the coming year of your life . "

⚔️ // of course her thoughts had been drawn to lady seiros eventually . for when did they not ? like a sapling who craved even the briefest drop of rain , byleth had baited her breath upon seiros arrival — and still found herself surprised , for in truth she had expected very little at all. they had taken to perching under the morning sun , with soil clinging to leather and cotton as the light slowly soaked into day.

' may i ? ' seiros had beckoned with hand upturned , and it felt only natural that byeth oblige.

seeing the precious metal , byleth's eyes shone like the ripple of sunlight on a bygone wave. the wind stirred , writing sentences in the tumbling grass , and erasing the dew - spun letters within the same breath . she was quiet. she was still , with gaze locked on golden emblem fastened dutifully to her wrist , beaded cords pressed flat against the vein . then in a hush , the air in her lungs was trapped squarely in byleth's own throat .

not so long ago she had been bestowed garments of ivory and gold. pressed flowers embroidered in royal indigo had framed the length of a bodice and full robes perfectly tailored to fit. the tiara now stowed carefully away in a treasure box in her room had adorned her — and although she hardly understood it then , so it was that she had been named .

byleth had only ever had a few other names. one was her own name , granted to her by JERALT and struck in record by pen and ink. it was a name granted by SITRI , whose name she also bore between her father's name and the one he had gifted. both were born out of the fall of an elusive mother's shadow. one belonged to SOTHIS. a name that those who had known Her simply crowned byleth's brow , confused. it was not meant for her. byleth did not feel as though she fit it right , much as the blue star called. but THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE ANCIENTS , and perhaps it was not her place to drown it in time. NEXT WAS a name hardly born of byleth's own choosing. still it was ONE OF HER OWN MAKE , for all of the ashes that clung to her shoulders as blood stained her cheek and dripped down her sword. she had not chosen THAT name. but she had not wielded the sense enough to deny it , with a body devoid of soul , and a soul devoid of humanity. and so it had remained , the demon of ashes . A NAME GIFTED BY HUMANS for the most inhuman of all.

byleth had not chosen this new name either. how could she possibly be the enlightened when there were still so many UNANSWERED QUESTIONS? there they hung aloft in the space between herself and the earth and the heavens. but with seteth's approving gaze and flayn's undeniable effervescence alight upon her shoulders , and with the glow of bridled pride brimming in the press of lady rhea's hands ; the way she had smiled , once . . . felt almost like returning to the monastery walls . for a moment in time , to be named was to come home .

byleth's lips pinched tightly. her fingertip carefully traced the soft carved gold of the eight pointed star . lady seiros was not lady rhea just yet . . . ( she swallowed thick around the knot in her throat . ) and still– ( her eyes grew warm . her chest tightened . for the life of her , byleth could hardly understand it even now . ) . . . and still .

"thank you , lady seiros," byleth whispered , bowing her head . and in the same way she had risen to meet the archbishop that morning , in the quiet of the cathedral halls as a sweet and woodsy incense burned in the foyer , byleth met their kindness with her own STEADFAST RESOLVE.

"know that i will treasure this gift you have given me."

[serenabam]

I was a Taylor's concert in Hamburg N2 and I still can't believe it really happened!!

What an experience!! Better than I hoped it would be!! Aaahh bliss!!!

Having read and seen about other fans "post concert depression" and considering what an absolute catastrophe my life has been the last couple of years, I really took care to prepare myself mentally for this. All that time and energy was well spend - I feel wonderful and I only have good memories!! (I write this because this could have been a big issue for me if I hadn't worked hard on myself the last year while I had the ticket.)

This was my first time going to a concert (non classical music) I attended alone. I had travelled alone before but that's also more than a decade in the past now. After all the bad things I had to overcome, this feels like a huge win for me. All of it was a challenge and an uphill battle, but I made it possible! I'm so proud of myself not just selling my ticket. Yay for me!! And as an extra, I finally got to see Taylor live!!

The travelling was a challenge in itself thanks to the Deutsche Bahn. I was supposed to travel for three and a half hours from my home town to Hamburg .... ja, that time was almost doubled on the way to Hamburg and double plus extra time on the way home. This here is the negative of the trip.

When I arrived in Hamburg, I just dashed to my hotel, got ready - glittered up!! And off I was to the Volksparkstadion. Since I'm from the Niederrhein and from a Karnevalshochburg I am used to walk through a normal town totally dolled up, silly things in my face, so I don't even know if anyone blinked an eye about me running around with all that pink glitter on my face - I aimed for the lover album cover look - and all the sparkly stones I glued all over me.

The organisation at the stadium was supposed to be terrible. Maybe due to my almost late arrival (danke Deutsche Bahn) - when I reached the ticket scan Paramore started playing! uff - however I didn't really experience any queuing. Only thing that was stressful was getting to my seat. I found block 11C. I was in row 12, but I somehow managed to get into the block from the wrong direction and I had to get through the row for a too long time. Sorry to those affected! ... Block 11C is huge!

And at my seat - the view! Paramore already playing!! A dream come true. I've been a fan of theirs for soooo long, what an absolute treat seeing them live! When they finished I basically ran to the merch stand - I got the blue crew neck in L. Now at home, I wish I had taken the XL, but seems that cannot be remedied now. (Unless the blue crew neck somehow lands in the European online store. I will not try my luck with vinted, with my luck I'll loose my crew neck and get nothing in return.) It sits well, it's just not as roomy, oh well. Normally I'm an XXL or XL if large. This L fitting me like a normal sweater is pretty wild to me.

While I climb back up the Stadion-Block, the first song starts playing. What was it - Latto? Not sure now. I sped up and made it to my seat. As soon as I parked my ass, from the right Taylor's cleaning cart was pushed behind the stage. The whole stadium just lost it!! I knew "we" the audience knew Taylor uses that thing but it was hilarious. Everything happened super quick now. Gaga's "applause" started playing and we all just shouted out in excitement. People started running to their seats, people singing along to Gaga. Then the countdown started and Dusty starts singing ... the crowd including me became soooo loud, it was unreal. It was really happening. Over a year waiting for this concert and then it just starts right in front of you.

Taylor coming up in the elevator, crawling a few metres ahead onto the next elevator, while she is covered basically with a pride flag... then the reveal - the birth of Venus and Taylor was wearing the orange lover body suit with the pink boots. I was in love!!

All this I couldn't tell you by talking right now because this here - Taylor singing Miss Americana - is the start of me singing along so loud, that my voice is gone. It's saturday and it's getting better, my concert was on wednesday haha ... voice is coming back though, monday back at work, everything will be fine.

The next set was fearless and Taylor was wearing the new fearless tiger dress ... aaaaahh I get emotional. Back when I heard fearless (when it first came out) I became a fan of hers. Fearless the song has been with me all these years ... it's one of my special songs. And yes, I cried when I got to see and hear Taylor play it live. Thank you Taylor!!

The show went by like a breeze. I barely noticed the three hours. By the end when Taylor finished Karma and introduced band and dancers, I was spend but so deeply happy!! The TTPD - I do hope it somehow gets added to the concert film please? It was stunning. Down Bad with the UFO. The DRAMA! Although Taylor really seemed to be "over" So High School. I bet that song will get cut.

There were a few things I noticed that keep my brain busy now. Taylor seemed a little tense at times? Maybe the rain show the night before was a little heavy on her body? I don't know, but she clearly gave her best. When we reached Champagne Problems, by the end of the song, she seemed really not that into it. We were screaming like crazy! When she took her ear pieces out, we went absolutely feral!!! Never have I heard a crowd scream this loud, it was insane!!

I hate doing this and actually as part of me preparing myself for the concert experience, I made myself aware not to compare my personal experience with videos from other fans ... but clearly the night before, Taylor had a better time. Maybe because it was a rain show and she was more relaxed ... like her hair! It didn't have to be straight wink wink.

Another thing I noticed ... the song Illicit Affairs ... that song is about us and Taylor, isn't it? Sure all of Taylor's songs are multi-leveled. But oh boy! When she started singing the bridge, the backdrop losing the colours and Taylor pointing at us the audience ... with great passion!

Maybe I should write more about how I interpret her songs, maybe I will. I've been thinking about what it means to be a fan, that connection, what it is, what it isn't. And Taylor's performance of Illicit Affairs really hit me hard.

"And you wanna scream Don′t call me "kid" Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors You know I can′t see with anyone else

Don't call me "kid" Don′t call me "baby" Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times"

Pointing at us, the audience "don't call me kid" ... yeah, that song is about Taylor and us too. Sure it is on the surface a clever song about a couple having an affair. But this song is also about Taylor and her relationship with fame and the fans.

We have a secret language. We the general audience and Taylor. We the somewhat hardcore Swifties (you know, the ones, where we love her but don't actually stalk her!) and Taylor. We the Gaylors/Kaylors and Taylor. That fame Taylor is seeking, is driving her to a life in secret. Not the front door, but parking lots and side ways.

"There are five holes in that fence" ... we all here are clowns and idiots. No, it's bEckY.

Taylor having illicit affairs with the lovers the world knows. Taylor having illicit affairs with the lovers few know about. Taylor having illicit affairs with the general audience. Taylor having illicit affairs with the Gaylors ... if you, dear reader of this here, think Taylor is a heterosexual woman, would you think less of her, if and when she turns out to be queer? I'm queer myself so from my experience I think I know the answer. I also could be wrong about "reading" Taylor as a queer woman, no wait, I know I'm not wrong about this.

While this made me think, what broke me emotionally were the surprise songs.

Taylor in a blue dress (your body is blue) really brought the emotions on the night of Folkmore's fourth birthday.

On guitar The Last Great American Dynasty! I was soooo happy, one of my favourites and I had made peace with the fact that Taylor had cut it from the set aaaah! She mashed it up with Run!!! Oh god how I love Run! And what a clever mash-up. Might be my perspective again "Darling let's run" ... it's Taylor's relationship with someone and with fame again. All the public eyes on Rebecca and then Run! Darling, let's run!

The piano mash-up broke me. I was a crying mess. Nothing New. That song has a special meaning to me ... I'm so grateful that I got to hear it live.

""She looks like she's been through it"

Lord, what will become of me Once I've lost my novelty?"

And Taylor mashed this up with DEAR READER!!!

Dear reader, will you still want me when I'm nothing new?

Obviously my answer is yes, but oh my god, I feel this so much!! What an emotional gut punch .......

I loved this concert so much. I treasure the memories and I will keep them in my heart.

Taylor, you will never see this, but I love you, thank you so much!!

Thank you for giving me this experience, thank you for the memories. Thank you for giving me the motivation to make the impossible possible in my current situation. I grew in ways during the last year that I didn't think were possible, because my life was so bleek.

That drive and energy already helped me in other areas of my life. (I first accidently typed "other eras of my life" and that is a wonderful joke only I will ever understand.)

Going forward I want to remember this. Keep wearing the pink tour shirt ... Like Taylor I'm a sucker for numbers. The concert was number 121 on 24.7.24. The shop order for my shirt had a number like this too ... it's a little freaky joy I keep thinking about. I will keep wearing the blue crew neck too, I will put that Eras Tour Hamburg poster up.

I will hold on to those memories, they will hold onto me.

Stranger in the dark, if you read all this - thank you! I wish you an experience like the one I had and I hope you have a wonderful day. <3

[miekasa]

what kind of music do you think the aot characters listen to in a modern au? everyone on tiktok says eren would be an eminem fan

NOT EMINEM... do they say that because eminem is like, angry rap 😭😭 that’s funny, and honestly, I kind of see it, but I would more so see him listening to more r&b and .... political? (if that’s the right word) rap music. Not that Eminem doesn’t have that, but I don’t know enough of his music to fairly judge I suppose. Anyways, here’s the rest of my thots!

EREN: Aside from his general vengeance drive, Eren’s character is centered around anger, yes, but towards injustice and inequality in his state, imposed by other people with power... That boy is going to eat J.Cole and Kendrick Lamar right up. (Am I projecting a little bit? Maybe, but I’m right, too 😌😌). Other than them, I think he’d like rap in general. Probably listens to Drake from time to time, definitely a Lil Uzi Vert fan. Classic Jay-Z, too.

But don’t get it twisted, when he’s not upset about power and privilege, he’s a hot boy, and he does hot boy shit. Also, this should go without saying, but everyone loves Beyoncé. I won’t tolerate them not liking her. But Eren fucks heavy with Rihanna, too. ANTi is on his most played albums every year 😭

ARMIN: He strikes me as the kind of person to give anything a listen, at least once. Definitely the kind of guy who has a playlist of classical music to help him study when he needs to. Really in awe of people with incredible vocal ranges: Mariah Carey, Adele, Beyoncé. Down with pop music, too, and definitely music in other languages; a little bit of a language barrier isn’t going to stop him. 

JEAN: He is also a hot boy, and does hot boy shit (ah), I absolutely will not debate, he has a crush on Megan, as he absolutely should 😌 Frank Ocean, Childish Gambino, and a lot of other rappers like I mentioned for Eren, too. Here’s the wildcard, though: secret High School Musical fan. Knows the third soundtrack by heart from start to finish. 

MIKASA: On the outside, quite... mellow? Nothing out of the ordinary, listens to relatively popular artists, and is pretty good at keeping up with new music. On the low, is about that City Girl shit. Hand her the mic when a Nicki Minaj song is on during karaoke, and she’ll chew you up. Other people to mention: Lizzo, Rihanna, Selena Quintanilla, Big Sean. 

LEVI: Again, I don’t think anything out of the ordinary. Not the best at keeping up with new releases, but if you recommend something to him, he’ll listen to it at least once. I know Stromae only has one album, but I think Levi would like it. Solange, Rihanna, Jhene Aiko, Janelle Monae, Michael Jackson, more recent Jay-Z, sometimes The Weeknd. And, as I’ve mentioned, Beyoncé; but, like, a lot. Levi could be president of the Beyhive on the low. 

ERWIN (suprise): His playlists are the most all over the place, but hear me out... he really likes pop music. But think of, like, early 2000s pop music; Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream kind of pop, Lady Gaga all the way, a sprinkle of Bruno Mars. Co-president of the Beyhive, along with Levi. But I can also see him relaxing to r&b music, too; Michael Jackson, Destiny’s Child, Christina Aguilera ballads. 

HANGE: If you want to talk about someone who will listen to absolutely anything, then we need to talk about Hange. Everything from Doja Cat to The Neighbourhood. Constantly searching for new music and obscure Spotify playlists. I feel like she wouldn’t be a big Drake fan LOL. Probably very into kpop because there’s so much to offer, and musical soundtracks. Not things like “Les Mis” or “Hamilton,” more on the side of shows like “West Side Story” and “Wicked.” 

SASHA: Once she gets a hold of Glee covers, it’s over for everyone. Sings them loudly, and pretends she’s in an acapella group. Most female artists are her cup of tea, too. For some reason, I can’t help but think she would like... slightly punk pop music? I don’t know if I’m describing it right, but, like, Avril Lavigne and P!nk, and even some Lady Gaga songs. Dua Lipa’s most recent album reminds me of her. 

CONNIE: Why do I get such strong Black Eyed Peas energy from that boy oh my god... This isn’t a specific artist or even genre but, music that gives off “Tik Tok” by Kesha vibes LOL. Songs like “Like a G6,” “Sk8er Boy,” and “Fergalicious” 😭😭 But also challenges himself to learn really fast rap verses. Absolutely red in the face after trying either of Megan’s verses in WAP, but it was worth it. Screams “ANOTHER ONE” and “DJ KHALED” very loudly at the beginning of any DJ Khaled song. 

[heretherebedork]

I need someone to scream about paint with love with!! Not a lot of people are watching it or giffing it, maybe cause it’s new and not very giffable moments happened, but it absolutely doesn’t feel like a BL to me, idk why it feels like a romcom for sure, like you know one of those hallmark movies about a girl moving to Christmas town and thinking her career is everything and she has a broken trail of relationships and meets a quirky local dude who’s there to show her the meaning of Christmas and life is, it feels like that but not annoying hahah. I get absolutely no romance right now and o think a lot of BL makes a mistake of having those uh-huh moments way too soon like give them a chance to fall in love properly, like they’re legit such an unlikely pair but also so many cliches already! Please share your thoughts on all the characters so far. Tanshimas character reminds me of Yihwa a lot o don’t want her to be typecasted as the same person every time and my fave Gun is so cute, I love openly gay actors playing gay characters (as it should be)

It does not feel like a BL at all! Which is probably why I'm not quite as obsessed with it as I could be, especially with the first episode where I find myself not really wanting the two main characters to get together. (I'm mostly cheering for Phap to just go off and get his own life far, far away from Maze so far!)

As @absolutebl pointed out on a post I made about differentiating BL from romcom, a lot of it is in the shooting and the score but I think, for me, it's likely mostly about the shooting.

But anyway, yeah, it's manic pixie dream guy and the uptight worker bee, which is also a romcom trope that even I know about.

The characters?

I don't like Maze. The level of manipulation he used to get Phap to work for him was actually painful to watch and took me from 'meh' on the uptight corporate character to actively disliking him. He literally phoned people who wanted to employee Phap and turned them down. That leaves Phap in a horrible position even after he finishes his work for Maze and I just can't stand that. He's basically ruined at least part of Phap's career just... forever. Not okay.

Phap is a manic pixie dream guy and he's cute. At least he's sweet and independent and I enjoy a character who's willing to go their own way as much as they can. I felt horrible for him when he realized he had to work for Maze against his own will in order to keep surviving. Plus, the moment when he gets kicked to protect the cockroach was really darling. I genuinely don't want him to end up with Maze at this point, though.

Nueng and Tharn are more to my taste but they're also have a much more traditional BL 'vibe' to them. They're young, they're playing as actors, they've already had the sweet little scene with the cold drink as the ice pack after the accidental punch... Now, I do know that they're absolutely not going to be that straightforward but that's okay.

I really do love that Nueng is Maze's ex and that definitely an interesting twist. And, again, openly gay characters! Yay!

Uh. Gun playing an openly gay character is great but the character feels too over the top for my taste as this point? I dunno, he feels like another Green and the last thing I need or want in this life is another Green, honestly. But, keep in mind, I am not a 2gether fan and barely made it through that show.

Basically, it's something I expect to watch but am not sure will actually be to my taste.

I greatly appreciate the sensibilities, tropes and energy of BL but romcoms typically aren't as strongly my jam. It's about the.... energy. The vibe. The way the characters interact. The tropes they use.

Paint with Love is something I'm willing to watch but don't expect to love. But I expect that a lot of people who are meh on BL are going to love Paint with Love in ways I won't and it's great to have a show for that!

I do wish I could gif it, but I don't know how to gif off Gaga or I would. So, you know, no gifs from me except for the videos that pops and Gaga post there.

[apocalypticwafflekitten]

Beautiful

Darth Maul x Reader 

A/N: I’ve fallen into the pit. I’m in love with Maul. I was also listening to “Marry the Night” by Lady Gaga, and this just sort of happened. So yeah. I hope y’all enjoy!

Original Imagine/Summary Kinda Thingy:  I wrote down a line in my journal, and I thought to myself “Hey, that’s kind of a good line. Let’s use it in a fic.” And then this happened! I also just really want to comfort Maul, so here I am, living vicariously through my fics!

Warnings: This is basically semi-angsty fluff. Maul cries, but it’s okay, he’s got you!

Word Count: 2.3k. Whoops. My hand slipped! 

There was nothing quite so comforting as laying under the stars and realizing that, although you may be little, you still mean something to the universe.  

But tonight it was hard to see the difference made. There was no beauty in the world tonight. No comfort in the stars.  

At least that’s what Maul saw. 

You on the other hand, you saw beauty in everything. The world. The stars. The little cracks in the floor tiles that gave the palace character. The things anyone else would miss. You even saw beauty in him. 

There was something almost naive about it, and yet you had seen so much. You’d been through hell with him, but somehow you’d managed to see the good in everything. It was baffling, but in a way, it was admirable.  

Not that it was hard to admire you. No. You could so much as breathe, and his breath would hitch. Every movement you made was enough for him to go weak at the knees. The soft gleam to your eyes; the gentle tone of your voice; the graceful way you fought your battles. It was all admirable, and he was your greatest admirer. 

But it was hard to admire him. A murderer, a criminal. Someone few would hesitate to call a devil. There was a time where he wouldn’t have cared. There were more important things to care about. More important things to throw his time and energy into. But sitting atop a throne all day, especially on the slow days, gives you more time to think. More time to doubt.  

He lied awake tonight. Sleepless, and all but restless. His eyes were closed, but his mind was racing.  

“How does she love me?”  

“I’m unloveable.” 

‘I mean come on. I’m a murderer. I’ve killed hundreds of people.” 

“What does she see in me?”  

“How does she see me? 

“How can she bear the sight of me?”

There was only so much of this barrage he could take. It was all too much for his exhausted mind. He forced his eyes to open, to bottleneck the endless train of harsh truths. Or what he believed to be truths. 

He sat up, and only then noticed how cold, and light the sheets felt. He looked beside him only to find an empty, cold spot where you should be laying. For a second panic struck him; prompting him to step out of bed. It wasn’t uncommon for you to have trouble sleeping. You both shared that unfortunate plight. And you, on the particularly bad nights, would often wander around the palace and find something to admire. Something to pass the time.

“No wonder she never stays with you.” 

His subconscious threw at him as he stood to go look for you. He shook the thought away, leaving the cold room in hopes of finding warmer company with you. 

As he passed through the halls, checking every room he came across, he heard the chime of an old grandfather clock from down stairs.  

Dong...

Dong...

Dong. 

Three a.m. Hm. Time passes quickly in despair. 

He kept walking through the halls, hearing the beginnings of a storm from outside. A faint rain sprinkled the roof more than a hundred feet above him. It would have been calming if he could sleep, or if you were with him.  

It wasn’t too long until he found you though. A few hallways later, a grand staircase, and a pair of doors led him straight to you.  

Tonight he found you laying on the floor in the throne room. From outside you could hear the growing thunder rumbling like an old god, and the rain pattering the roof, more aggressive now than minutes before.   

“Darling? What are doing laying on the floor? And in the throne room no less? I’m sure the floor in our room is just as comfortable.” Maul asked, attempting to amuse the woman before him.  

You smiled up at him with bright (Y/E/C) eyes. You were wide awake. 

“I’m sure it is, but in here, if you lay on the floor, you can see the whole galaxy. Every star is right there for me to admire.” You turned your attention back to the windows, where rain fell, and clouds hid the stars.

Your responses never ceased to amaze him. You just wanted to see the stars. Such an innocent motive.

“Maybe she’s seen enough of you. The stars would be a good break. At least they’re actually beautiful.”  

He had to will the insults to stop. Now wasn’t the time for self-loathing; not around (Y/N).

Maul huffed a small laugh outwardly, and smiled at his beloved.  

“Well, I must say, It’s kind of hard to see the stars with all this rain.” Maul noted as he slowly kneeled down to sit beside you, trying not to make too much noise on the marble floor. His legs were clunky nonetheless, and he flinched every time they disturbed the quiet room.

“Yeah, but the rain is still beautiful to watch. It’s calming to listen to.”  

There it was. That unending optimism. The hope that was sewn into your every cell. Something he quite envied for himself.

“I guess you’re right.” There was a small pause before you sat up, and looked to Maul, concern clear in your eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”  

Maul almost seemed taken aback. His eyes widened in surprise.  

“How could she tell?”  

“Hm? What do you mean?” He mumbled, keeping his attention to the windows. He knew you knew. You always knew, and yet he still tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. It was a stubborn habit by now.

“Your shoulders are slouched, your scowl is deeper than normal, and,” You reached over to turn his face so he would look at you, “You won’t look at me.” 

He leaned into your touch. Your skin was so soft and cool against his face, like a calming rain. But you weren’t wrong. He’d been avoiding your gaze since he sat down.  

He sighed, contemplating whether or not to give in and explain what had been gnawing at his mind for months.  

“I guess you’ve caught me.” Maul looked down, giving a nervous laugh before settling into an embarrassed silence.

You brought his eyes back to you with a gentle coo of his name. 

“Maul. What’s wrong?”  

The sincerity in your voice rent his heart, and your wide, concerned eyes broke his restraint. He couldn’t keep his worries from you when you looked at him like that.

“Well...I guess...” He sighed, trying to collect his thoughts, “I just wonder how you could love me the way you do,” He couldn’t look at you, but from the corner of his eye, see the confusion growing in your expression, “I mean, look at me. I’m horrifying. I’m not even a whole being.”  

He looked to his mechanical legs, and sighed once more. 

“But that doesn’t really matter...” 

You looked at Maul with despair brimming your eyes.  

“But darling, you are whole. Look at you. I see a man before me whose fought his whole life to be where he is right now. You’ve come so far from where you began.” You held his hand as you spoke, noting the way he flinched when you first touched him.

“I know dear, but that’s not what I mean. Take a minute to look at me. Look at my body. You really like what you see? I’m half metal, and the half of me that isn’t, well, that’s not anything to look at either. Truly, dear, I don’t understand what you see in me. I’m hardly worthy of your love.”  

You could see tears start to line his eyes as he looked down to your joined hands. You remained silent for a moment, processing what Maul had said, and that every word of it was genuine. The rain was the only thing to break the silence in the empty, echoing throne room.

“Maul,” You began quietly, gathering your thoughts until you knew what you wanted to say.  

 He looked up at you with wide, expectant eyes, waiting for your response.  

“Look, she can’t even find words. You’re just that horrible.” 

Your voice silenced the horrid barb.

“If someone offered me every star in the galaxy, I would turn them away because as beautiful as the night sky is, it’s beauty is nothing compared to you. The adoration in my eyes stales at the stars. You are the truest beauty in my eyes. You’re all I ever want to see.”  

“Damn.”

Maul stared at you for a while. His eyes were wide and surprised. 

“...What?” He whimpered out after a moment, and a wave of heavy, hot tears stung at his eyes.

“Maul, darling, I love the way you look. I love the red of your skin, and the shape of your face. Your tattoos are beautiful, and they tell of your culture. I love to kiss them, and trace them. Your eyes are impossible to look away from. They’re gold, but there’s just the smallest hint of hazel streaking through them. When I look at you, you become my whole world. I never want to look away from you.” You held his face with one of your hands, and he held it there with his own. “Maul, you’re beautiful.” 

A beat. 

“She thinks I’m beautiful?”  

“No one’s ever said that to me before.”

His tears began to fall, and he didn’t try to stop them, but he did try to fight the sobs warring in the back of his throat. It didn’t last long, as they ripped themselves out. His sobs burst from his soul, and his shoulders shook violently.  

You scooted closer to him, and held him in your arms. 

“It’s okay dear. You’re okay.” You whispered into his ears.  

You knew he wouldn’t believe you. He hated his legs, and his face. He hated himself, and it destroyed you. But at least he knew that you found him beautiful, even if he couldn’t see it in himself. You tried so hard to let Maul see himself through your eyes. You admired him. Oh your whole heart ached when you looked at him. He was your sun, and you wanted him to feel as beautiful as he was to you.

He cried into your shoulder, and he held you tighter than he ever had. He didn’t dare let you go in case you were some long, elaborate, horribly beautiful dream. He couldn’t believe you. Yes, he heard you say it. It graced his ears in beautiful chimes, but he just couldn’t get it through his head. You thought he was beautiful.

Sobs echoed through the throne room at 3:30 in the morning. Mandalore glowed under the cloudy sky, but the clouds were beginning to break, and you could see a few stars now.  

There was a moment when his sobs broke, and he took a few quick deep breaths. In this moment, you took his face his your hand, and lifted it, so that his eyes met yours. His eyes were red, more red than usual, and despite his dark complection, you could clearly see the trails where his tears had fallen, and followed. He tried to look away from you, but you coaxed him back to you. 

“Maul...” You cooed once more before pressing your lips to his. He kissed you back with so much love, and so much strength. He flung his heart into it. You had to know how much he loved you.  

You pulled away and looked at his eyes before looking to his lips.

“And these lips. I would never wish to kiss any other lips. You’re beautiful dear, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”   

Maul closed his eyes and hugged you tight.

“I love you.” He whispered to you, and he whispered it again and again. 

“I love you.”  

“I. Love. You.” He hugged even tighter, and you could feel his love wave through the force around you. 

They were the only words he could think of. His only thoughts were on his unending love for you. His gratitude for your existence in his life; for everything you’d done for him through all these years. He would do anything for you. Maker, he loved you.  

You pulled away from him, and he gave the smallest whimper of displeasure.   

You just smiled softly at him, and placed a hand on his chest, pushing ever so slightly so that he would lay on the ground.  

You lay with him, your head resting in the curve of his neck, one hand drifting upwards to trace the tattoos on his face and rub his horns.  

He gave a pleased purr, and rubbed your back as you two looked back out the window. 

“And look, there are all the stars, shining now that the rain is gone.” You pointed up at the glimmering stars above.

He was silent for a moment, remembering what you had said just minutes before. It all meant so much to him. How could someone give all of that up for someone like him? All of those stars and planets? That beautiful view? The power that came with it? What advantage was there? What happiness could he give you that the rest of the galaxy didn’t have to offer?

“You’d really give all of that up for me?”   

He didn’t mean to say it out loud, but you heard the words mumbled from his chest, and your answer had no uncertainty.

“In a heartbeat.” You answered with a gentle voice. 

So, on the cool floor of the Sundari Palace throne room, the two of you lay for the night, and Maul is finally starting to see his meaning to the universe. Well, to his universe at least.  

Tags!  

@justalittlecloud​

[pbandjesse]

Today was a very good day. I worked hard and I played animal crossing for to many hours. I even got a nap in.

I didn't sleep great. Woke up a lot with nerves. Worry that I would be late. I had set two alarms, and didn't even need them in the end. I would wake up at 7, 45 minutes before I needed to. And lay there until I needed to get up.

James gave me hugs but I was a little touchy. My stomach was in knots and I was nervous about teaching a program I didn't know. And just didn't feel all the way awake.

I love my outfit though. I was cozy and felt so cute. I wore the little boots I got yesterday and these are going to be a favorite for sure because I felt so good in them. They were a little stiff in the ankle at first but I got used to them pretty quick.

I left here with my little snacks. But I forgot where I was going and started driving towards the museum?? So I had to turn around and then I was stuck in traffic on north avenue. So even though I had left early, I was going to get to work at least 5 minutes late. Ugh.

I stopped for Mcdonalds anyway. I had the hashbrowns for breakfast and would have a sandwich for lunch. The line took forever but it was whatever. I tried not to stress. I texted Elizabeth and let her know I was going to be a few minutes late. Everyone at camp is always late so I was like. Dont feel bad! Everyone is late! And I was right! I beat the other two educators by more than 10 minutes! Amazing.

Elizabeth showed me all the project stuff and ran through the program for me. I was scared still but I was excited to be there. I walked all the supplies over to the council ring and I don't know if it was because it was heavy or what but I think I pinched something in my arms because my hands started shaking and I couldn't get them to stop for almost an hour! It sucked! But I got everything set up and felt good.

And the kids were great. Once I met up with the other educators, an older guy named Walter who was very nice, and Celia from the summer (it was really nice to see her), we helped the kids get off the bus.

Elizabeth directed traffic and got us our groups and we were off!

I had my program 4 times today. And honestly I think I did great. I made a little pipecleaner bee for good luck. Shared that with a few kids. And the kids all got to make bee masks. I think I did great sharing all the info and teaching them. I loved having them say the hard words like Probiscus or Pupa! It was a lot of fun.

The first group was my favorite, the second went fine but the kids had a little more trouble putting their art together. Then we had lunch. I walked my group to the lodge and I would go sit in my car and warm up and eat my lunch.

The afternoon groups felt a little daunting. I had already spoke for 2 hours and doing 2 more with all that energy and pep you have to put out is just. A lot. But it was actually really good. The sun came out a bit, and it was for sure cold but it was a lot of fun.

Because I am always on schedule I would get my groups to the field first every time, so they all got to play gaga for a while. Which I think was good for them And I got to just hang out with them for a bit. One little girl was fascinated by how quickly I talk and asked me to talk fast more. So I gave her the first room of the BMI tour. Just off the cuff, it was hilarious to me. And she was like enraptured. And when I said that's my stupid little tour at the end the girl next to us get all upset and was like "It's not stupid!!". So sweet. Love kids.

It was good to be done though. I was beat. I wanted to go home. I packed up all the supplies. And we put them in the correct building. And I was off. I had to wait a couple minutes for parents to leave. I had a handful of pretzels and a half a babybell cheese. And then home.

I was a little faed the whole drive home. But I kept my eyes open. And got home around 315. I got upstairs. Hugged on James, who was making lunch, and went to lay down.

I would fall asleep eventually. And slept pretty deeply. Deep enough that I woke up at 5, absolutely convinced it was 11pm. It was so dark out! But no. It is just day lights savings.

I got up and went to hang out with James. I played animal crossing for like. Hours. I moved more buildings. Cleaned more things. Designed rooms. I had snacks and enjoyed being near James. It was nice.

James made us pizza for dinner. And we shared an ice cream cone. James would play video games for a while too. And then I went to take a shower. And now we are in bed. My nose is whistling. But I am just hoping to fall asleep easy.

I have the museum tomorrow. And I am looking forward to seeing my coworkers. Its a few tours back to back. So wish me luck because Im tired just thinking about it.

Goodnight everyone! Sleep good!

[grimelords]

So since the last time I posted one of these the entire world has changed dramatically and hopefully 4 hours of music will tide you over in quarantine for a bit longer. Strangely I’ve been busier than ever, and what started as a personal challenge to listen to a new album every day in February turned into me listening to 116 new albums in March and 124 in April. I’ve got a stacked google doc full of star ratings and dates now and it’s really been a lot of fun, I highly recommend trying it yourself. This is my March playlist, because I accidentally took a month off, and I’m thinking of either switching these playlists to weekly to make them a little more digestible or just dropping them whenever. Who knows. Let me know what you think and drop album recommendations in the comments please.

Listen here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

If you’d like to receive these playlists in a more digestible email format, please subscribe to my tinyletter here: http://tinyletter.com/grimelords

On A Slow Boat To China - Bing Crosby & Peggy Lee: Ok first off it’s amazing this song isn’t more racist. I don't remember now how or why I came across this. I think I was just thinking about crooners and how as a genre it's now existed in common popularity as a nostalgic idyll of a mytholigised past far longer than it was ever actually popular which is interesting. The origin of this song, according to wikipedia, is also one of the most 40s ideas I've ever read: "I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China" was a well-known phrase among poker players, referring to a person who lost steadily and handsomely. The idea being that a "slow boat to China" was the longest trip one could imagine. Loesser moved the phrase to a more romantic setting, yet it eventually entered general parlance to mean anything that takes an extremely long time".

Fight Night - Migos: I saw that Offset had some new show on Quibi the extremely fake sounding streaming service and I thought "how did Migos get so world conqueringly large that they get to make 10 minute shows nobody will watch for a $2 billion venture capital funded app that will never make any money?" They seem to have this massive reputation without having much to back it up. The last thing I remember everyone talking about was how Culure II was two hours long in order to game streaming numbers and was simply not good. They seemed to have sort of settled into making background music for scrolling instagram. But then I remembered Fight Night and I thought: "oh wait, that's right, Migos are fucking great". Where their other big hits like Bad And Boujee and Walk It Talk It have this sort of laid back vibe where they've comfortably nailed the formula and relax onto it, Fight Night commands your attention. StackboyTwan killed the beat - it has this propulsive momentum where it feels like it's constantly ramping up, moving up from the sidesick and bassline in the verse, up to the claps on the beat, and the big gang chants on the offbeat once the full instrumentation kicks in - then it just goes around and around and around with the constant bassline the whole tim. It's a perfect all-rise production because it never actually explodes, it's all building tension held down by an unchanging bassline.

Do It Puritan! - El Hombre Trajeado & Sue Tompkins: I am extremely delighted to announce that Sue Tompkins of one of my all time favourite single album bands Life Without Buildings has broken a nearly 20 year musical hiatus to appear on this song by El Hombre Trajeado. It is so nice to hear how her voice has changed and her approach has stayed the same. Her style is so unique and so good and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

5 8 6 - New Order: Before 'the incident' I had tickets to see New Order at the end of March and so I embarked on a big listen through of their discography, which has now unfortunately made it feel even worse that live music is cancelled indefinitely.

Oom Sha La La - Haley Heynderickx: First of all I love songs where they talking about how they're writing a song halfway through. And I love songs that seem like a pretty normal singer songwriter indie thing where someone just starts screaming near the end. I love this song. A great staring at the wall and absolutely losing your mind because you haven't done anything with your whole life anthem.

Elektrobank - The Chemical Brothers: Can you believe I've never listening to a full Chemical Brothers album before this month? Can you believe big beat ever went our of style? It feels insane that we ever swapped this sort of energy for the beige algorithm of EDM. I think there's a real triumph in this album, and in this track especially of replicating the live feeling in studio. Giving it this much space to grow and change and get very hairy near the end is amazing, it feels like it was just recorded live.

My Mind's A Ship (That's Going Down) - Katie Pruitt: It feels very rare to me that this sort of extremely smooth Nashville prduction actually makes a song better. It has a habit of strangling the life out of a song and making it blend into a boring paste of soundalikes, but with Katie Pruitt it works amazingly. Her songwriting is so distinct and clear and her voice, especially near the end where it punches hole in the sky, is so strong and so her own that it doesn't need anything else.

Water - Ohmme: "What if Tegan And Sara were a noise band instead?" is a question I didn't know I needed an answer to. I love any band that has the guts to write songs like this that sound like pop from an alternate history, so off kilter and odd and noisy but with this undeniable pop heart that the duo vocals make sound like schoolyard clapping chants remixed by Lightning Bolt.

Lions, Tigers and Bears - SLIFT: A friend put me on to Slift and described them as French King Gizz and really, I'm inclined to agree. This is the traditional long last song at the end of their new album, and as usual I am advocating that every song should be the long last song at the end of the album. I love this style of jam where everyone else goes to space but the rhythm section just digs in and works hard as fuck for ten minutes. Then the whole last 3 minutes of the song are just fat drone riffs. This song's got everything.

The Pines - 070 Shake: This 070 Shake album is unbeleivably good and it warms my heart to see the dark energy of The Pines live on through another century in yet another permutation. I have more to say about it later in the Jackson C Frank version coming up but it feels like this 070 Shake album kind of came and went but I implore you to listen, it’s an aoty contender for sure.

Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On - Funkadelic: If you can stop thinking about the intro, which I certainly can’t (Hey lady won’t you be my dog and I’ll be your tree and you can pee on me.) there is so much goodness in this song. For a while now I’ve been thinking about how, for lack of a better word, ‘positive’ music is consistently underrated in the critical canon. Dance music, disco and funk especially are derided as empty sugar music, while every cookie cutter metal band absolutely demands to be taken seriously. In dance music this manifests as genres like tech house sucking all the fun and individuality out of music until it’s just an endless parade of producers working to a schematic of the barest essentials. It feels like you can’t have fun and be taken seriously at the same time, which feels like an obvious contradiction but shouldn’t be!

Spoils - Dry Cleaning: Dry Cleaning are my Lock Of The Month Band To Watch In The Future Because They’re Gonna Go Off. They have such a great sound and I’m desperate for an album because I just need more. This song absolutely knocked me down when I first heard it. I love any band where it sounds like the singer has just wandered in while the rest of them were rehearsing. There’s a very good talking-songs movement happening in the UK right now between these guys, Do Nothing and Fontaines D.C and i’m excited to see where it progresses. I might put together a playlist a little later to show you what I mean.

As - Stevie Wonder: I finally listened to Songs In The Key Of Life this month, which is an experience I would recommend to everyone. This shit goes for 21 songs over 105 minutes and absolute bangs the whole way. The original release of this album was a double LP plus a 7", which is yet another reason I am grateful for streaming that I don't have to buy a damn box set to hear this thing.

Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine: I am working on a very niche playlist called Songs Where The Guitar Amp Accidentally Picks Up A Nearby Radio Station For A Couple Of Seconds and it's only 3 songs so far. A Man A Plan A Canal Panama by The Fall Of Troy, Melody 4 by Tera Melos and Sleep Now In The Fire by Rage Against The Machine. In every single one of those songs it feels like a critical component even though it's just an accident that's been left in because it sounds good. Here it's the perfect ending as the rage dies down and the commercial world fades back in. Anyway, my other question about this song is about the great Michael Moore directed video where they famously shut down Wall Street for an afternoon. There's a shot of a guy for a second holding a sign that says Donald Trump For President in 1999. Which is odd but not out of the question, he's been famous for a long time and there's always been freaks. My question is why the fuck did he have that sign that day? Was he amongst the Rage Against The Machine Fans that showed up? A counter protestor? Was he, perhaps most chillingly of all, just walking idly around Wall Street with his Donald Trump For President sign like usual and stumbled upon this whole hoo-haa accidentally?

Applause (Purity Ring Remix) - Lady Gaga: Did you fucking know that Purity Ring did a remix of Applause? If there’s something I’d love to know more about and it’s Purity Ring’s forays into pop production. After their first album they did some production for rappers like Danny Brown in the great track 25 Bucks, which is a good fit really - their sound is witch house with the tempo pushed back up, witch house of course just being chopped and screwed reinvented by tumblr users. So it’s a natural fit to take that new perspective back into the world of hip hop. They also did this fantastic remix of Applause after their first album. Then, after their second album they produced 3 songs for Katy Perry’s Witness album, and one Katy Perry song for a Final Fantasy mobile game soundtrack (?) and feel like the long silence and delay between their second and third albums is because of more behind the scenes pop production work - but if that’s true, where is it? Is it, as I suspect, part of my own personal Pepe Silvia, Katy Perry’s scrapped 2019 album that has vanished into thin air? Or is it part of Chromatica? I think Purity Ring have solidified an interesting place in pop, paving the way for Billie Eilish and Kim Petras’ dark anti-pop and so i’m excited to see where they go after this new album now that they’re the architects of the new wave.

React/Revolt - Drahla: The smartest thing you can do is add a saxophone to your band. The whole first half of this song could go for 20 minutes of growling screaming saxophone post-punk and I wouldn't mind. Then when the second half of the song kicks in it's fantastic in the way this whole Drahla album is: it's tight and sprawling post-punk at the same time with a complicated structure that seems to just pile onto itself instead of ever circling back.

And I Was Like - Porridge Radio: I'm seemingly having a real thing this month for songs that open with a bizzare acapella chant. Between this and the Funkadelic one it's a genre I'm very interested in hearing more of. Isaac Newton was a virgin and it's important to recognise that. The thing I love about this song is how it's in 3 distinc sections: Isaac Newton was a virgin, she's a birthday girl in a birthday world, and mum no please it's grunge, and they all feel like the concentrated energy of a 14 year old's thoughts. She sounds like she's almost crying when she sings 'she's a birthday girl in a birthday world'. The concentrated confusing teenaged energy of this song is just overwhelming.

Dirty Mattresses - Mama's Broke: So much of contemporary 'traditional folk' either exists as pure nostalgia music or as music that's trying too hard to be 'authentic' and evoke a mythology of a bygone time, but Mama's Broke manage to make it feel new and modern but honest and  authentic at the same time. The super close harmonies and modern approach remind me of House And Land who I also love, but the songwriting is in another class entirely.

Building A House - CHOPCHOP: I don't know if you've ever seen Bad Boy Bubby but CHOPCHOP feels a little like the band that he ends up joining at the end. A musical ensemble built to enable the will of a very strange man. I think the band is from the UK and I'm not sure where the singer is from, but he has this incredible deeply accented voice that brings such a gravity to everything he sings in the way that anyone speaking english as a second language accidentally brings new weight to common turns of phrase.

Universal Soldier - Jay Electronica: It feels fitting, looking back, that Jay Electronica finally released his album right before the world ended. It was literally now or never. Some how Jay-Z is the breakout star of this album for me. He's got some of his best verses in years on here and he's a great opposition to Electronica's flow when they trade verses. I would also, as an aside, like to know the origin of the kids cheering sample throughout this, because it's the same one from AM//Radio by Earl Sweatshirt and Wish You Were Gay by Billie Eilish. So what's that about.

Sticky Hulks - Thee Oh Sees: I've been very slowly getting into Oh Sees and I love them a lot so far. Their unweildy, huge discography spread across a lot of variations of the same name makes digging into them very rewarding as well. There's a great line on their wiki detailing all the times they've changed their name that goes: Orinoka Crash Suite (1997–2003), OCS (2003–2005, 2017), Orange County Sound (2005), The Ohsees (2006), The Oh Sees (2006–2008), Thee Oh Sees (2008–2017), Oh Sees (2017–2019) Osees (2019) to give you some idea of what we're working with here. Basically it's just everything you could want from a pychedelic band like this: a history and discography as shaggy as the songs themselves.

Knife On The Platter - BODEGA: In reading about Bodega I learned that they don't have a drummer in the traditional sense. They have someone credited as a 'stand up percussionist', and in listening back I realised that's they key to the groove in their music. He's not playing a kit he's just slamming at a tom and a snare on a rack, while one of the singers plays hi-hat here and there. So all the drumming has this barebones caveman feel to it and I absolutely love it. The band feels a lot like The Fashion, and that whole mid-2000s dance-punk movement that I've been desparate to come back so naturally I love it a lot.

Against Gravity - Horse Lords: Horse Lords are one of the most incredible bands I've heard in a long time. Somewhere between a more analogue Battles and Laddio Bolocko, they make a kind of churning math-jazz that sounds like huge intersecting squares of rhythm slowly overlapping. It feels like there's an infinite depth in these songs, you can listen and focus on a single instrument and see it shifting in and out of place with everyone else, before you lose it again and it retreats back into the swirling mass.

Plain To See Plainsman - Colter Wall: I've been listening to this Colter Wall album a lot, and it's really beginning to rank among my all time favourites. I grew up around the flattest place in the southern hemisphere, so I love the plains and it's very nice to have a cowboy song I can relate to like that.

The Nail - Sarah Shook & The Disarmers: Sarah Shook has so much character in her voice I completely love it. She is also a fantastic songwriter that manages to make outlaw country punk that sounds authentic and doesn't have the rockabilly posturing that a lot of the genre suffers from.

Inner Reaches 慾望的暗角二 - Gong Gong Gong 工工工: The best thing about Gong Gong Gong is you can listen to this whole song before you realise they don't have a drummer. They're a guitar and bass duo that play and sing with such a layered rhythmic intensity between the two of them that they really don't need one. A drummer would just clutter the space already taken up by their ferocious rhythm.

Country Pie - Bob Dylan: I'm a big fan of Bob Dylan's dumb songs. He has a lot where if it's the first song you ever heard from him you would be mad at whoever told you he was the greatest songwriter to ever live for trying to trick you like this. What I especially love about this song is how abruptly it ends, like dad just came home and everyone panicked cause they're know they're not supposed to be staying up that late.

You Did It Yourself - Arthur Russell: It seems hard to believe that I've only just found out about Arthur Russel. He seems to be a mainstay of Music Guy lists and somehow I've only heard of him this month. I've been obsessing over the Iowa Dream album, which is a compilation of a lot of different (mostly extremely high quality) demos from the late 70s to mid 80s and what really shines through other than the singular strength of his songwriting is how readily and easily he bends from country style folk to romantic piano ballads, to groovy post-punk like this. What I love so much about this song is it's a great lesson in songwriting: sometimes a song can just be a vague review of a middling movie and still have emotional resonance. Incredible. There's a great NPR article about Arthur Russel and the process of assembling half-takes and demos into complete recordings that you should read if you're interested. https://www.npr.org/2019/11/20/779721417/which-arthur-russell-are-we-getting-on-iowa-dream

The Dogs Outside Are Barking - Arthur Russell: I love this song because it's such a perfect distillation of a teenaged moment: trying to find a moment alone with someone when you have no freedom at all to create one. The song cycles through potential situations but leaves the problem unresolved, existing in the moment of nervous romantic tension preceding an unasked question and it's just beautiful.

Men For Miles - Ought: I love the vocal melody in the verse here so much. Spiking up unnaturally at the end of the lines like a nervous and strange version of The Strokes. Even the way he cramps his words in in the chorus is so good, switching registers randomly like he's impersonating someone else.

Mister Soweto - Lizzy Mercier Descloux: https://pitchfork.com/features/from-the-pitchfork-review/9828-lizzy-mercier-descloux-behind-the-muse/ Pitchfork has a great article about Lizzy Mercier Descloux detailing how she is continually undervalued and underappreciated. I found her though my Discover Weekly and became immediately obsessed with this album - a perfect mix of off-kilter 80s bass and brass that is so colourful and seems to move in a million directions at once like the songs can't even catch up with themselves sometimes. I'm excited to dig into her discography more and try to understand her more because she has a truly unique approach that I can't get enough of.

Sweden - Marilyn Crispell: I've been looking for a while for other pianists of Cecil Taylor's calibre, rare type that it is and I am so glad to have finally found out about Marilyn Crispell. She plays free jazz like Taylor, but in much less percussive and disonnant style. There's a New York Times quote that seems to follow her that says "Hearing Marilyn Crispell play solo piano is like monitoring an active volcano. She is one of a very few pianists who rise to the challenge of free jazz." and it's really very apt. She will move with seemingly no warning at all from mediative, colourful stokes to a mad descent unto uncertainty and beyond, then back again without a moments hesitation. Her music moves like a dream, linking a stream of unlinked images with an ease that only seems incongruous on reflection.

Twins - Gem Club: I have loved this song for a very long time and I come back to it over and over and appreciate it anew. What I appreciate about on listening to it this time is the strangeness of it's structure, following up the verse with an instrumental break, and then a long instrumental intro to the chorus gives it so much space to spread out and breathe, giving the beautiful gravity of the song even more weight. Then after the chorus it moves straight to a bridge and then the intro and first verse again. It's a fantastic song that makes it's small parts so large, where another songwriter or another producer would pare them down.

Grand Central - Paul Cauthen: Something I've learned in listening to a lot of cowboy music is that the number one thing that cowboys hate and fear is getting hanged. They hate it worse than cats hate getting sprayed with water. I found out about Paul Cauthen combing through Colter Wall's similar artists looking for more of this brand of new old fashioned country and I really found it here. Paul Cauthen comes from four generations of preachers and left the church to pursue country music instead, which feels like an extremely old fashioned position to be in here in 2020 but I guess lots of people in Texas still live like that, and thank god they do or we wouldn't have Paul Cauthen's big mournful Elvis voice to sing us songs about the railway.

Serafina - BAMBARA: I love this sort of spoken word leather jacket rock and roll. It's so extremely Cool in an old fashioned way. Like a more rock and roll version of Enablers.

So 4 Real - The Hecks: I love love love this song that sounds like a sped up Prince demo. The strange thinness of the mix and the way the vocals are buried just makes it sound so strange and great, like it was put together on some ancient 4 track recorder that can't handle the pure energy of the song.

In The Pines (Version 2) - Jackson C. Frank: There's a very good 3 hour compilation of Jackson C. Frank recordings that came out a few years called Remastered And Unreleased that I listened through the other day. It's just magnificent. This version of In The Pines is one of my favourite I've ever heard, the mournful vocals coupled with his churning rhythm guitar really brings out the darkness of it in a way I've never heard.

(Tumble) In The Wind (Version 1) - Jackson C. Frank: Another favourite from this compilation that is slightly hard to listen to. I don't know if there's a date on it but I'd guess this was recorded near the end of his life. It is so beautiful, but you can hear in his voice and breathing that he's unwell. In Horseshoe Crabs by Hopalong she sings a story from his perspective this song really seems to fit in the second half of that. "Woke from the dream and I was old / Staring at the ass crack of dawn / Walked these streets up and down / Looking for Paul Simon / All I found was myself, lost in time / I tried singing my songs / But I lost my mind"

Sludge - Squid: I'm thinking of putting together a playlist of all the great Black Midi-adjacent bands I've found out about recently and Squid is at the top of the list. This new breed of art-punk is so fantastic and goes in a million different directions. I'm just so excited it exists.

Straight Shot - Quelle Chris: I love this song and Guns is a phenomenal album but there’s one thing bothering me. The ‘who are you, what are you’ part at the end sounds so incredibly familiar to me and I can’t figure out why. As far as I can tell it’s not a sample, but googling reveals that the english voice on it is fucking James Acaster the standup comedian. So what’s going on? Quelle Chris himself is less than helpful: “Straight Shot is one of those ideas that reached out to me, we got along and I simply showed it around town. The chorus, poem at the end and basic piano progression literally came to me in two separate dreams”. Who knows. Great song though.

Levitation - Dua Lipa: What I really like about this song is that she says sugarboo. This whole album bangs and Dua is really reaping the benefits of being the only pop star with the guts to release an album while everyone’s in lockdown I also have a half-baked theory about the way this song is almost interpolating Blame It On The Boogie in the ‘moonlight, starlight’ part as a sort of aggressive takeover of Michael Jackson’s cancelled legacy. Which is smart really. The same way Taylor Swift is re-recording her albums, let’s just get The Weeknd in the studio for a couple of days and give the world back it’s bangers.

Another Crashed Car - Nine Inch Nails: I am so glad Trent Reznor put out another two volumes of Ghosts. Ghosts I-IV from 2008 seems to have been the bridge from his Nine Inch Nails work to his film score work, and now that he’s had such success with that it’s nice to hear him writing in this style without telling anyone else’s story again. It’s also interesting for him to go back to this project now that Ghosts I-IV has paid dividends in the form of the sample at the centre of Old Town Road but that’s neither here nor there. It’s hard to pick and individual track from these, because they work so effectively as long form albums and not individual tracks, but I chose this one because I put the album on as background ambient while I was doing some boring data entry at work and this track is the point at which I realised I was going out of my mind with stress from doing the simplest tasks because of Trent’s Damned Chords.

Lilacs - Waxahatchee: This is a perfect song. It makes me want to like, draw charts about it and go through it bar by bar to figure out how she did it. It’s perfectly put together. It feels like she uses every trick in the book and it just comes together flawlessly in 3 minutes. Amazing.

Cool Water - Hank Williams: I decided to properly listen to Hank Williams because his shadow stretches over so much of country music, and while a lot of his music really alienated or bored me, and a lot of his songs feel like they would read as novelty songs today (like Hey Good Looking), this is the song that made me understand why he’s so revered.

In My Bones (feat. Kimbra and Tank And The Bangas) - Jacob Collier: Jacob Collier generally irks me. He makes brain music for redditors that lose their mind when someone shows them chord inversions or odd time signatures. Youtubers whose whole personality is ‘y’all heard Giant Steps?’ But he killed it on this song. It’s great despite him. There’s still a lot of corniness to work through, mostly in the big yuck funky lyrics, but structurally it’s a kaleidoscope and a big chunk of its success I’m putting down to Kimbra and Tank who understand that performance is a bigger part of a song than composition in a way Collier maybe doesn’t yet. He can overload the bassline and stop-start the rhythms as much as he likes but without actual personalities driving it it’ll just sound like a Peter Gabriel midi played at 200%.

Earthquake - Graham Central Station: I learned something wonderful in researching this band. The leader, Larry Graham, who was in Sly And The Family Stone is credited with inventing slap bass. He himself refers to the technique as "thumpin' and pluckin' ".

Quand Les Larmes D’un Ange Font Danser La Neige - Melody’s Echo Chamber: Once again furious that I’ve known of Melody’s Echo Chamber for years but never listened to them until now. I have been missing out. This is a perfect sprawling psychedelic jam punctuated with a bizzare cut-up recording about shitting yourself when you die and being declared brain dead in the vatican. It’s got everything. I had to look up who the drummer was on this song because he’s just nailing it, and it turns out it’s Johan Holmegaard from Dungen which is really a perfect fit.

Murder Most Foul - Bob Dylan: I was thinking the other day about how Bob Dylan is doing in quarantine. The man who hasn’t stopped moving his whole life and who’s been on a never ending tour  since the 70s is now, I assume, just pacing a hole in a hotel carpet somewhere and jabbering to himself. The strangest part of Bob dropping this 17 minute song about JFK out of nowhere is that he hasn’t put out any original music since 2012. So a gigantic song like this is an even bigger surprise. I, already a huge fan of gigantic songs and Bob Dylan, unsurprisingly love it. I love the slow stirring of the instrumentation, like he hired Dirty Three as a backing band and I love that nearly the entire second half is just listing good songs that he knows. It’s a remarkable song and unlike anything i’ve heard before from Dylan or anyone else. It’s interesting to hear Bob Dylan step into being the great chronicler of the 60s like he’s been told he already was his entire life almost 50 years later, finally accepting the fate foisted on him. The other thing I love about this song is the line when he for some reason praises Lee Harvey Oswald’s shooting “Greatest magic trick ever under the sun / Perfectly executed, skillfully done”

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

[sooobinscalculator]

NCT 127 Confessing to You / You Confessing to Them

Genre: Fluffffff ff f f f

Word count: *beep boop*

NCT 127 X Reader

This has been in my drafts for a while and it actually was a different group at first but I changed it so sorry if it's a little funky or some of the words are weird. Hope you enjoy thooo.

None of these gifs are mine :))

Taeyong ♡

He confesses to you.

You were close friends with him since school.

You guys would always "jokingly" flirt and it was obvious to the other members what was going on.

You both had feelings towards each other but were too paranoid of confessing and ruining the friendship.

You had invited him over to your house one lazy evening and you were sitting on the couch with him watching a movie.

He had his arm draped behind you and he sighed heavily, catching your attention.

"Everything okay?" you asked.

"Y/N, we really need to talk. I don't want this to ruin our friendship or anything, but I need to get this out."

"Okay..."

"I've fallen so hard for you over these past years and if you don't feel the same as me, just know that I don't want our friendship to change from this."

"Taeyong....... Why haven't you said anything sooner? I've been in love with you since we were in school!"

"Wha- Why didn't you say anything!?"

You both would laugh it off and continue your night with deep conversations and kisses (YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA coot).

Yuta ♡

You confess to him.

You had been introduced to Yuta by your best friend Johnny.

Johnny found out you were crushing on Yuta and would try everything in his will power to get you and him close together.

Johnny invited you over one night to hang out with the boyzzzzz.

You and Yuta at this point have gotten closer (as friends...... 🙃).

Haechan really didn't want to watch the horror movie that the others picked out.

You and Yuta volunteered to do something else with Haechan so he wouldn't feel left out.

"Let's dye my hair," Yuta suddenly suggested.

"YESSSSS," Haechan glanced at you for approval.

"You both can do it," Yuta smirked at you while handing you several hair dye bottles.

"O-oh okay," you nervously muttered.

While washing Yuta's hair, Haechan left to get some snacks.

Yuta was groaning softly as you massaged his scalp, making you go CrAzY skskaksjdnxnak.

"Yuta, I have something to confess," you said as you bit your lip.

"Yes?" he asked with a raised eyebrow as he opened his eyes.

"I-I like you. Really, really like you," you said softly as blush spread to your cheeks like wildfire.

"Really? Me too," he says nonchalantly.

"Oh phew okay. Wait.... You LIKE ME TOO?!"

"Yeah Y/N, I'm gaga for you," he says while bopping your nose with his finger and winking.

You internally scream as Yuta laughs at your blush.

Jaehyun ♡

(Woof okay)

He confesses to you.

But in a DiFfErEnT way than he would've wanted to.

You were invited to a late night club by your friend Jaehyun.

He constantly would try to pull your dress down, saying it was too short.

You'd stare at him with a raised eyebrow and remind him that the two of you were at a club.

The daaannccciiinnnng kekeke.

He's obviously a great dancer, and you were surprised at how well your body responded to his. (I-)

Went into a drinking competition at one point with you (after getting a little tired of dancing).

You won.

Now he's all TiPsY!

Moooore daaannccciiinnnng

His dancing was getting a little more rAuNcHy.

"Jae I think we should get you home," you laughed while facing him.

"Y/N.... You're literally glowing. You're an absolute goddess," his words were all slurred but still made your heart flutter.

"Aw thanks Jae," before you could finish that sentence he kithes you 😌.

"I'm so in love with you," he slowly parts from the kiss and speaks SO SOFTLY skskskjdeokf.

You think you might pass out.

"I've been in love with you for the longest time," he looks you in the eyes and almost seems completely sober.

You agree to leave the club with him and head to his house (😏).

Jungwoo ♡

This bebe 🥺

He confesses to you.

Master of cheesy pick up lines!

You and him constantly had pick up line battles.

He always won.

You got into a pretty heated battle at one point, and you were determined to win.

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants," *insert baby boi wink*.

"No but I can definitely see something in your pocket. Is that a lollipop or are you just happy to see me?" you cheesily smiled.

"Once you have a lick, I'm sure you can answer the question yourself."

"Ew Jungwoo, let's get back on track..."

He laughs at your baffled behavior.

"Okay, what has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?"

You already knew where this was going and stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

"My zipper," *insert wiggly eyebrows*.

You were very determined to win this round though.

"Kiss me if I'm wrong. Dinosaurs still exist right?"

"Oh yes, definitely."

"Jungwoo......." you sighed and rubbed your temples.

"Fine, fine. I guess you really want me to kiss you that bad..."

He muttered the last part so you couldn't really make out what he said until he leapt onto you and mushed his lips against yours (EEEEEEEEEEEEEE).

"I am dinosaur," he says cutely.

More kisses on the couch.

He admits defeat after giving a heart-warming confession.

Mark ♡

You both kinda confess at the same time.

You were childhood friends that had been separated when he moved and attended a different school.

You met back up with him when you had bumped into him at a cafe and exchanged numbers.

After coming home from work, Mark invited you to one of his band's concerts.

You got that VIP experienceee. Backstage access and all.

Mark giggled and jumped up and down like a fangirl when he saw you come backstage.

You joined in the crackhead energy and jumped/giggled like a fangirl as well.

"Enjoy the view," he says before walking onto the stage with his other members.

Tired baby after the performance :'( .

"Late night snack?" you asked.

He loved the idea and drove off with you to the nearest 7/11.

Got into a deep conversation about life and stuff.

"You know what, let's share one of our deepest secrets with each other. Just for fun and because we've been friends since we came out of the womb and our trust is impossible to break," he suggests.

You can see that he's also just as nervous as you but you, for some reason, love this idea.

"1, 2, 3!"

"I like you."

You both slap a hand on your mouths as you shout those words in sync.

You both burst into a GiGgLe FiT!

Mark drops his ice cream which makes you guys laugh twice as hard.

"That's crazy....." he sighs as he catches his breath while pulling you into a hug.

Lots of kisses on the cheek. 🥺

Winwin ♡

You confess to him.

You hadn't seen him in a while because he was AcRoSs ThE wOrLd at the moment.

You had been face timing him every day.

He always fell asleep on you though.

"I'll be coming back soon," he says over the call.

"Good," you said through your mouth full of cake.

"Are you eating cake without me?" he pouts.

"Yes," you say as you shovel another bite of the vanilla ice cream cake into your mouth.

"It's alright, there's an unlimited amount for me anyways."

You didn't understand his comment at first but furrowed your eyebrows at him when you did.

He laughs his bay bee boi laugh ��.

"It's good to see you again though," his comment makes you smile.

"Good to see you too," you wink.

You talked with him about how everything was going where he was and how everyone was doing.

It was getting later in the evening. (Later in the day for you.)

You watched as his drowsy eyes slowly closed.

Suddenly you thought this was the pErFeCt TiMe To ThInK oUt LoUd.

"You're so cute Sicheng. I'm literally head over heels in love with your perfect, soft, baby face," you rambled as you were swooning over his peaceful, sleeping face on your screen.

"Baby face?" he muttered as his eyes flicked open and stared into yours.

"Oh shi-"

You hung up quickly.

He called back within two seconds and you stared at your phone screen while curling into fetal position.

"You're so adorable," he says as your red face and twinkling eyes appear on the screen.

Haechan ♡

You confess to him.... Through a kith. 🙃

He had a whole day off and you decided to take him to an amusement park.

"Y/N!!! Let's share a cotton candy!!!"

You let him eat most of it, claiming it was his day so you would treat him to whatever.

Lots of relaxing rides instead of rollar coasters; a chill day.

It was getting late and the park looked amazing at night with all the lit up rides and twinkling lights everywhere.

So you and Haechan decided to take pictures and hit up all the rollar coasters now.

You rode the merry-go-round several times and took several crackhead videos and pictures on it.

You had your arm wrapped through Haechan's and your head was resting on his shoulder as the two of you strolled around the almost empty park.

"Haechan?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you for this night."

He looks down at you and you lean up and KiSs HiM (WHAAAAA My HeArT 🥺).

A slow smirk spreads on his face and he leans back down to kiss you again.

"Thank you for this night," he says between kisses.

Johnny ♡

He confesses to you.

You had a long day at work and was tired of all the cranky, asshole customers.

You had ranted about it to Johnny over the phone during your break.

"Well, gotta get back to it," you sighed as you looked at the time, seeing your break was over.

"Alright, I'll pick you up today," he said through the phone.

You exchanged goodbyes and hesitated before getting up and joining back up with your coworkers.

MoRe BoOtYhOlE cUsToMeRs.

You were just mentally and physically exhausted all around.

Finally your shift was over and you were excited to see Johnny (a bright side to your cruddy day).

"Hop in loser," he said as he rolled down the window on the passenger side and stared at your slumped form sitting on the bench.

"I'm... Exhausted," you muttered as you rubbed your eye.

"I'm sorry Y/N. A warm shower will probably really be nice when we get back home. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, it's okay Johnny. Thanks though."

"You know, that's what I really admire about you," he says as his hand rests on your thigh.

"What's that?" you chirp and lean close to him with your elbows resting on the center console and your chin resting in your hands.

"That you're so strong and that you push through each and every day. You give 100%, even if everything sucks. You always give your best. That's what really made me fall for you," he said, his hand moving from your thigh to your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Aw, thanks Johnny," you said, taking his hand and kissing it as you heart melted. "You know my heart belongs to you."

Doyoung ♡

He confesses to you.

You and Doyoung (after weeks of begging him to do this with you) had composed a bucket list together of things you wanted to do.

One of them was spend a night on a beach.

"Ew, there's going to be sand everywhere," he huffs and pouts as you lay out the blanket on the sand.

"Oh well! All part of the experience!" you say as you pull your shirt off (you have a bathing suit underneath ObViOuSlY).

He chases after you into the crisp, ocean water.

He doesn't go very deep and neither do you; you both chill out in the knee deep section.

Night starts to fall and you and Doyoung take aesthetic pictures with the orange sky and dark blue water.

"So pretty," he sighs as you both sit on the blanket, wrapped up in towels with a small fire in front of you.

"Yeah it is," you sigh as well.

"Just like you."

"Yea- Huh?" As you turned your head to question him, he leaned in and connected his lips with yours.

You savor the moment, staring into his eyes as he slowly parts from you.

"You ruined it. I was aiming for your cheek until you turned your head," he jokingly smirks.

Taeil ♡

You both confess at the same time (like Mork).

All the members knew that Taeil was madly in love with you and that you were the same way.

"Let's play truth or dare!" Haechan shouted as everyone was thinking of something to do.

"YES!" everyone immediately caught on to the plan except for Doyoung and Taeil who protested the game.

"Taeil truth or dare?" Mark asked.

"I'm not playing," Taeil shrugged his response.

"Taeil truth or dare?"

"Urmmm... I just said I wasn't playing."

"Taeil truth or d-"

"Truth."

The evil expressions that were plastered on all the boys faces was easy for you to catch and you groaned in realization of what was happening.

"Who are you madly oBsEsSeD with? And don't lie, I read your diary," Mark folded his arms across his chest.

"I- WaIt A mInUtE!"

"Hey Y/N, who are you madly obsessed with?" Jaehyun suddenly blurted the question.

You blinked in confusion, hoping your blank expression would eventually cause them to change the subject.

"W-well I think it's pretty obvious now," you said as you nervously scratched the back of your neck.

"What? No way," Taeil gasped softly at your comment.

"You like me?!" you both blurted at the same time.

"Mission accomplished gentlemen," the rest of the boys in the room said in satisfaction as they high-fived each other.

Whew! This post took me forever to write and edit!!! Hope you enjoyed it though. Now I must relax my cramping wrist :') .

[totallypathet]

Episode Seven

I am being very inconsistent with my breakdowns this season. Both with Drag Race and in general 😂

Anyway, the reading challenge! We love the reading challenge. Nearly everyone had at least 1 good roast, except for Miss Elliott. I dont know what she was trying to do, but none of it worked. On the plus side though, Gottmik was hilarious? I just wasn't expecting that from her, but I love it. Honestly though I think my favourite was Olivia Lux's "Kandy Ho...wait, I mean Kandy is a hoe" that was so funny! Rosé and Denali were also really funny, but I kind of loved everyone else's reads for Rosé, I feel like she brought out the best in people 😂

I wasn't super excited for Bossy Rossy to come back. I just think improv is *so* hard, and it's really easy to be tripped up. Having said that, I actually really enjoyed this episode. I felt like all the scenarios were just so ridiculous that actually it worked in everyone's favour.

1. Denali

Denali was so funny this week! I was not expecting physical comedy from her and Rosé, but they absolutely killed it. The outfits and the voices were properly giving me Jerry Springer, and omg PREGNANTE just killed me! They were actually genuinely funny!

And her look this week...I actually gasped when she turned the corner. It was such a beautiful look, and I really felt that like grand chandelier thing she was going for. I loved it, and I think Denali should have been top 3 this week instead of Kandy. The judges are sleeping on Denali and I don't get it. I think she's great!

2. Elliott with Two Ts

I barely even want to talk about Elliott this week. Nothing she did was funny. Nothing she did this week was enjoyable. She was bad in the sketch. The runway look was ugly and tacky. I'm bored. She wasn't even that good in the lipsync, I do not understand why she's still there.

I mean, I feel for her with her struggle with depression, that's really hard, and I know that it does isolate you from people, and I understand why she's been very detached from the rest of the cast. I feel for her, and I really hope she has a good support system around her; but her performance this week (and every other week) was still bad.

3. Gottmik

Gottmik was actually so funny this week. She really was that like soft spoken, condescending, hand gestures, "active listening" faux-psychologist; I loved it. I really bought the character, I thought she was funny, she worked really well with Olivia, and also that look? The pink suit? Amazing. Also she had so many little throwaway mime one liners that were so clever! She was kind of unfortunate in that Olivia was really the standout performer in that group, and that other groups also performed really well, because I think she was a real contender for top 3 this week.

I looooved Gottmik's runway. The big anal bead hair piece? Amazing. And the dress being all that one colour, but with the texture of the beads and the latex? Perfect. And the way she painted her face! I just loved it, it was beads in a really unconventional way, and I love that about Gottmik, she always brings her perspective. The only thing, and it is such a teeny tiny thing, is that I wish the shoes had had more of a "round" feeling? Like everything else felt like latex balls and then the shoes were just like red pumps. I wish they'd been more like those McQueen heels Gaga wore, that were really rounded? It's such a small thing though, like the look was perfect, I'm just being super picky!

4. Kandy Muse

I dont really understand why Kandy was top 3 this week. I do like that she tried something different, and I like that she was aiming for this very cold, Paris Hilton type thing, but I just don't think she went far enough with it. The sketch as a whole was funny, but for me the humour came from Symone.

The look this week though. Kandy Muse has never looked better. She looked amazing! That big hat, with the big fur stole, and the beads just dripping off everything, it was so perfect. I just loved it.

5. Lala Ri

I actually don't think Lala was that bad this week! Was she utterly hilarious in her performance? No, but improv is hard, and she gave it her absolute best. I actually thought she was pretty funny, I loved the pregnancy belly being totally the wrong skin colour, I thought the trust fall thing was a really funny idea, I dont think she did too badly! Also, there was a moment right before the trust fall where she was counting Rosé in, and she just went "one, FALL", and that was so much funnier than they gave it credit for. For me, it was a safe performance.

I also really liked her look! It immediately gave me beads, I loved the kind of carnivale presentation she gave, I enjoyed it! Okay, the body suit had a rip in it, but sometimes shit happens when you're putting on a garment okay? I forgive the rip. I do get that, okay, it's a body suit with basically a beaded bikini, I see that. But honestly, I just don't think anything Lala did this week was THAT bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. I just felt safe to me.

Lala didn't deserve to go this week. She was better than Elliott in the challenge, her runway look was better than Eliott's, and she beat Elliott in the lipsync. I do not understand the judging on this show. Bottom 2 should have been Utica and Elliott, and Elliott should have gone.

6. Olivia Lux

Olivia made me so happy this week. I mean, she makes me happy every week, I am fully an Olivia Stan, but oh my god. She killed it this week! She said like 3 words the whole time, but I could barely take my eyes off her! When they were talking through parts in the work room, I was ao worried about her, and I was so concerned that she'd fade into the background because she couldn't talk, but holy shit she was so funny! She had the energy, she went so over the top with her actions, I was not at all expecting that slapstick type funny from her but she delivered. Olivia's performance was absolutely my favourite this week, I was just so blown away by her.

Also, that runway look was amazing! I loved her interpretation of beads, it was so cute, and so fun, and she really embodied that kind of pre-teen joy and care-free spirit. I just loved it. It seems like she's worked a lot with Mondo Guerra on her runway looks this season, which I live, because I adore Mondo, and every week I can't wait to see what she's wearing!

7. Rosé

I was really impressed with Rosé! Her and Denali were so funny together, and Rosé in particular was really funny with "Jared", like she never forgot that there was meant to be an invisible boyfriend next to her; she was holding his hand, she looked at him like he was really there, it was amazing. I was genuinely really impressed with Rosé this week.

Where I felt like she fell down a little bit was with her runway. Was it cute? Absolutely. Was it amazing? No. It just didn't give me anything, I didn't get a story, or a character, or a feeling, it was just "oh, that looks good". Which is fine, but it doesn't win challenges, you know?

8. Symone

Deboooorah! I loved Symone this week. I actually loved that their sketch wasn't massive high energy and screaming and yelling, because that wasn't the characters they were given. They did such an amazing job of being the child stars crying on Oprah's sofa type characters, and I actually loved it. Also, the candle thing was hysterical, Symone holding a candle that says "desperation" and crying was just so funny to me. She absolutely sold me the character, I was really getting a Real Housewives moment where they're like "I'm starting my own business where I'm going to make my own candles!" And then they get really emotional about it. I loved it so much, she was hilarious this week.

And Symone's look! My flatmate and I were literally applauding in our front room. It was perfect. It was beautifully made, all the proportions were perfect, the colour palette was gorgeous, the attention to detail was everything, I loved it so much. AND SHE HAD HER NAME IN HER HAIR! The beads in her hair spelled out SYMONE. Everything about it was perfect.

I really couldn't pick this week whether Symone or Olivia was going to win, and honestly I didn't mind either way. They were both just so incredible.

9. Tina Burner

You guys. I am bored of Tina Burner. I can't believe I'm saying it either. But she walked in being really like campy and fun, and then just sort of flatlined. I didn't think she was that funny this week. Even next to Elliott, the least funny queen in the whole line up, she didn't seem like the funny one. I am disappointed. The only bit of their sketch that was funny was them fighting with the huge ass and tits. That was just so ridiculous that it was funny.

I'll tell you what else, I've already forgotten what she wore on the runway. I watched this episode less than 24 hours ago, and yet I've got to go back and watch it again so I remember Tina. And then I remembered why it didn't stick in my mind. I don't know what she was thinking but...she's lucky the judges liked her challenge performance. Also, it looked like a worse version of Crystal Methyd's entrance look with some beads stuck on. Didn't get it, didnt like it, still waiting for Tina to wear something good on the runway.

The one thing I will say about Tina this week is that we really saw her be a human with Elliott, and I really loved that. That was the first time this season that I've really liked Tina. I appreciate that she gave Elliott that pep talk, and that she said that thing in her confessional about being a bit judgmental and feeling guilty about it, I really appreciated that, and I feel like we saw a real person. I want more of that!

10. Utica

Utica... I don't think she's long for this competition, I'm afraid. She literally started this week saying she's a scene stealer, and she does improv regularly, and she was really excited for this challenge...what happened? I was lost, during her whole performance. First of all, she was supposed to be Olivia's mum, hadn't seen her for 20 years, but she came out looking like a 19 year old? I think she was aiming for that like "mutton dressed as lamb" type look, those mom's who are like "me and my daughter always get confused for sisters!" thing, but she didn't go far enough with it. It just didn't work. And then the Starbucks thing? Didn't get that either. The one thing I will give her is I loved that she shushed Olivia when Olivia was like copying the hand gestures in a really mocking way, I thought that was so funny. But other than that... Utica should have been lipsyncing this week, honestly. She wasn't funny. Where were the jokes??

The only things that saved her this week was the look. It was stunning. I dont really know what else to say about it, because it was just gorgeous. It was beautiful, but a bit twisted and freaky, and tragic all in one. Stunning.

The other thing I want to say about this week is that moment when they were doing makeup, and Kandy was being Maury, and Lala was running around the workroom having just been told Tina was not the father of her children, followed by Mik the camera operator and Elliott the sound tech? Hilarious. That was the funniest bit of the whole episode, I was creasing 👌👌

For me, the top 2 of the season are Olivia and Symone. I've thought that since the very first episode, and honestly, the others are great (mostly), but to me they just aren't on the same level as Olivia and Symone. They're just both amazing, they're so funny, and so talented, and incredible performers, and absolute Stars on the runway.

[randbwrite]

La Comtesse Chronicles Chapter 4 Part 1

Words: 1649

TW: None CW: Vampires

R:

A bow went to Comtesse for her compliment made. There was certainly more to him than would meet the eye, as Cal had found out firsthand. Several times over, now, the two of them locked eyes and all of the questions burning bright in emerald eyes settled at last. Heh, for the moment. He could see a build up of new ones coming, something Cal almost never seemed to run out of. That and jokes.

Eyes widened as he tumbled off the rafter, only to have one of his hands stuck to a wooden support beam. Cringing as she heard him scream, she looked him over as he spoke.

<<Afraid killin' ya was a one-time deal, ma'am. You'll find me as harmless as a lamb. Oy, Derrick! Tell me you’re seeing this too? Even if you’re not, humor me. Please?>> 

"Well then, suppose that means I can take you out of here alive. Now, let go." Her eyes flashed as she floated up to him, gently catching him in her arms. The power of persuasion was something all pure bloods had, though she rarely needed to use it. It was called for here, as he likely had no idea of how to use his powers. A laugh left her as she held onto him and began to slowly float down towards Derrick.

“Ah, so that’s his name. Glad to meet you, Derrick. Cal, my name is Rosaline Arcanum, though I suppose you know that already. I’m a pure blood vampire. It would appear that I accidentally sired you on the battlefield. Seems you are already exhibiting powers. Never seen anyone with the ability to hold onto things like that before. Suppose there’s a first for everything. Reminds me a bit of Spiderman. Suppose you might be at this point, minus the whole web shooting thing.”

Shoes clicked on the marble floor, yet she left him suspended in the air just about a foot above the floor. “Let’s take a look at you, shall we?” Eyes roved over his form before she tenderly touched his hand. Eyes glowed for a second and it flashed in her mind: more recent memories of what had been taking place. 

Glancing at Derrick, she spoke quietly, “Thank you for keeping him alive. Rare to see someone know what to do with a newly turned vampire. Though, I imagine you know a fair bit more than first impressions give rise to.” 

Turning her gaze back to Rapscallion, she sighed, “I’m going to lay this out for you. Apologies if it upsets you or makes you question your sanity any more than you already have. You were exposed to my blood on the battlefield. This is why you are still alive, as no normal mortal could have survived the injuries I gave you. The reason that I’m still alive is because of what I am. It’s almost impossible to kill one of my kind, though I have done it, and will again if it’s called for. 

Vampires, both pure bloods, and lesser vampires, such as yourself, develop specific abilities. Yours seems to be grabbing onto things with just your skin, and…. The other is a bit difficult to discern. It’s hard to tell from your memories if it’s super speed or if you are teleporting, but either way, you are ending up places you shouldn’t be. Suppose you will figure it out eventually. One of the powers I possess is telekinesis, hence why I can float or fly, and is why you are still swimming in the air presently. I’m also a telepath, so I can basically get into your head and see what I want to… for the most part. I only saw the most recent things out of respect and to deal with things as quickly as possible. 

Now, you, as a lesser vampire have a choice. You can start drinking blood to live, or you can wither away and die. You haven’t healed yet because you haven’t fed. The other choice you have here is whether you will leave this place with me. No harm will come to you if you decide to come live in my castle with me, though the residents probably aren’t too thrilled with this prospect. Or, you are welcome to stay here. You have till we get to what remains of the front doors to decide. And by the way, your friend can see this perfectly fine, just seems to not be phased by it from what I can tell.” Her laughter rang out and echoed through the space, the vaulted ceilings serving as the best acoustics. 

B: Derrick:

Derrick watched, impassive through the fall, the nudge of mind and manipulation of matter, her explanation fitting with what he knew so far. What was of more interest was noting how Cal took it all. Had he not been supported via telekinesis, the red head would’ve needed to sit down. Or fallen, a second time. He’d flinched, a momentary tick of a muscle in his jaw the only tell, but Derrick knew. Involuntary touch had never been a kindness. It was this time, and he wished so badly to tell him that...however some things could only be learned through personal experience. 

“So...I’m a superhero! Yahoooo that’s sweet!!” 

Out of all the reactions one might’ve expected...that wasn’t on the list. Superhero? What was that? Cal had better not be pulling phrases from his hometown for 400 again. Yes, Derrick’s picked up a few. This must mean Cal’s survival mechanisms were back up and running again. That was good. They’d have to discuss the humane sourcing of human blood so he wouldn’t be internally freaking out all the while with that same silly smile on his face. Derrick had gotten good at seeing the small tells, but that didn’t mean he’d catch everything.

Rapscallion:

Spiderman?! How does she know about Spiderman!?? Too cool!!! There was definitely some internal happy dancing going on, external movement forgone for some deep thinking. The reference was kind of like a reboot, reviving the part of him that was the kid who always caused trouble, trying to bring about a laugh. And my but she had some beautiful laughter! He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard such lovely peals resounding in these blood-soaked halls.

Yeah, he’d focus on that and let the other stuff percolate for a sec. Testing out the extent of this hold seemed like a lotta fun too! He sat, finding it comfortable to hover in a kicked back position with one leg crossed over the other, fingers folded in his lap. Totally not trying to hide how they were trembling or anything. Fight or flight response; a difficult thing when it’s not actionable and can’t be switched off. 

“Does that mean I’m an X-Men now? Ohhhh hey! You’re totally Professor X! Except way hotter. Hey, Derrick ol’ boy, don’t give me that look! You’ve gotta be thinking it too. Oh right, I forgot. You’d use words like, ‘Her elegance and pulchritude are unrivaled by anything my eyes have beheld before, or will hence.’ Am I right?” 

Cal was lost to a laughing fit, great way to let off nervous energy, while Derrick raised an amused eyebrow...trying unsuccessfully to remain impassive. 

“Just because some of us have class...”

“Who’re you calling uncivilized?” 

“If the boot fits?” 

“I’ll show you just where this boot fits, you overgrown Boy Scout!” 

The banter between the two was that of old friends, though before now that would not have been a title they’d have flaunted. Which reminded him—before Derrick could get in another repartee, Cal was off with a question. 

“Hold up hold up. You have got a lotta names, sweets. Is there one you prefer to go by? Also, do ya really mean it? I—,“ he swallowed thickly, a vulnerable expression no one had seen on Cal’s face since he was a lad...or sleeping, though Derrick would never speak of it...not quite being shuttered quickly enough to be missed. “I can go with you? You-you’re not going to leave me here?” 

And he was back to the boy, remembering the day he’d first walked into the Citadel and discovering there was no way out. Not permanently. Would transforming into a kickass superhero by the supreme X-...er, Woman do the trick? Was she bluffing? Another overly confident royal who had it in their head they could defy the assassins? Derrick seemed to believe her, and that usually took some doing. Course he was also making gaga eyes at her, so his judgement might be suspect, but seeing as how Derrick had never looked at a woman that way...least far as Cal knew...maybe there was something real there. Not just another cruel joke.

It was a gamble, or seemed to be. But after the last week? Er...make that over a decade...it was one he was willing to take. Besides! “Shouldn’t let the big guy out of my sight anyway, always getting himself into trouble, he is.” 

Technically that was true of both of them. Derrick sticking his neck out for people he shouldn’t, even those around the Citadel who refused to see him as a human being, and Cal, constantly stirring things up...for good or bad. 

“How do you propose we get out of here? Nearest window? Need a bodyguard? I know I don’t look like much right now, and you can float an’ all, but there’s gonna be a whole passel of people ticked off you’ve invaded their home.” 

The glance at Derrick revealed the man still didn’t look perturbed. Amused, yes. Pensive or concerned, not even the slightest. Okay, so...vampires, floaty people, an entire Citadel full of assassins, and nothing was bothering him? Sheesh, he’d like to know where the man found his chill. Again, vampires?!? Course, this one was really hot...

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

What a Night-Chuck Bass Imagine

Requested: Yes

Warnings: mentions of sexual harassment and usual party shenanigans

Gif is from slytherinnpride

 Estelle’s “American Boy” blasted throughout the entire Plaza penthouse. The penthouse was filled with the Upper East Side elite’s teenage children, all wearing the nicest night out clothes money could buy. The endless flow of Dom Perignon, multiple seduction attempts, and short trips to the back bathroom would have one convinced that it was a typical Friday night high school party. In a way, it was a typical high school party.

  But it was Wednesday.

  Y/N Y/L/N had been snapping about that fact since Y/B/F/N burst into her bedroom an hour prior, commanding that Y/N join her at Dina Maxfield’s party. While Y/N was not the biggest party animal, she did like to attend a few here and there; she could not get into Princeton with subpar grades after all? But, her enthusiasm for attending parties was drastically diminshed after Lucas broke up with her via text. So, Y/N was more than happy hiding away from high school and all other high society parties in the safety of her room, watching Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

   “Y/N, it has been a month since it happened!” Y/B/F/N had declared as she teetered further into Y/N’s room in her towering Louboutin stilettos. “The appropriate mourning period is over and it’s time for you to have fun!”  

  Y/N’s nose immediately wrinkled in distaste and she had burrowed herself further into her bed, as though her blankets were steel and not cashmere. “Go away,” she’d groaned. 

  Y/B/F/N had continued to ignore Y/N as she stormed into her closet and began rifling around the expansive area. “You have all these amazing pieces and you refuse to take any opportunity to wear them.” After selecting the most amazing dress to go with some Chanel pumps, she returned to Y/N.

  The poor girl had simply laid in her bed, y/e/c eyes looking dead as she watched the plasma TV mounted on her wall. For Y/N, it could have always been worse, she could not have the energy to try to go to school. At least she was moving. 

  Y/B/F/N had sighed and sat next to her. “I know this breakup hurt you a lot, but, you cannot let him hobble you like this. He definitely hasn’t been holed up in his house watching TV every night.” She shook her head. “I know you don’t wanna hear this, Y/N, but, things will only get worse while you’re here.” 

  “But...I need to know how this episode ends,” Y/N had muttered. 

  “You have TiVo!” 

  Y/N was not quite sure when she broke, somewhere between being forced into that Gaultier dress she thought she’d never wear and arguing against having her hair flat-ironed, but she did know, deep inside, that Y/B/F/N was right. She was sick of missing out on all the coolest parties and the most insane antics. Lucas was never that fun to go out with anyway, he always got too jealous if a boy even glanced at Y/N. Y/B/F/N had to be a better party partner. 

  Y/B/F/N snatched up some glasses of Dom and handed one to Y/N. “To getting out of the house!” 

  “To getting out of the house,” Y/N echoed. 

  The glasses clinked and Y/N savored the taste of the expensive champagne. The song switched to Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” and Y/B/F/N coaxed Y/N into dancing to it. 

   “One second.” Y/N downed the rest of the champagne, grabbed another glass, and let Y/B/F/N drag her out onto the dancefloor.

   Y/B/F/N shimmied her hips to the music and playfully twirled Y/N around, causing the other girl to laugh. As she kept drinking, Y/N found it even more enjoyable to laugh and laughed so hard, her stomach cramped. 

   “It’s been so long since I laughed like that,” Y/N breathed absent-mindedly.

  “Hey, I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Serena teased as she hugged her from behind.

   “Hi!” Y/N squealed as she clumsily threw her arms around Serena. 

   Serena chuckled as she helped Y/N balance. “How much has she had to drink?” She mouthed to Y/B/F/N.

   Y/B/F/N held up two fingers in response and Serena’s eyes widened. “It’s been awhile.” 

  Y/N and the blonde were not the best of friends, but they were close enough since second grade. Whenever Blair didn’t go to a party, Y/N would be the one to hold Serena’s hair back as she threw up in the bathroom. Y/N was so proud that Serena was doing better since she came back. 

  Serena wore a white sequined mini dress with silver pencil-thin Jimmy Choo pumps. Her hair fell down to her back in free curls. 

  “Hey, I’m glad that you came out tonight; I’ve missed you,” Serena said as she pulled Y/N to stand at arms-length.

  “Same. I would have been out sooner but Y/B/F/N dragged me,” Y/N giggled.

  “She’ll thank me later,” Y/B/F/N breathed.

  Y/N was not sure how much time past but she knew she had around four drinks when she heard Rihanna’s “Please Don’t Stop the Music”. Y/N threw her head back. 

  “I love this song!” Her closed eyes and high pitched voice punctuated her emotions.

  Kati and Isabelle, who had been sitting in the same area of couches as her, giggled at Y/N. 

  “Do you wanna dance?” Y/N swung herself forward, gripping the couch beneath her for leverage. “I’m gonna dance.” 

  Y/N bounced back out onto the dancefloor, giggling as she threw her hands in the air and twirled. She tossed her head back and forth, rolled her neck, and kick, ball changed at some point. She didn’t care, she didn’t care and it was wonderful. There was no Lucas to drag her off the dancefloor, no students who may be documenting this for later; it was just her and Rihanna.

   And something hard pressing against th small of her back.

  Y/N lazily opened her eyes and furrowed her brow. At first, she thought it may be Y/B/F/N joking around, but then, she spotted Y/B/F/N across the room, doing jello shots with some basketball players. 

  “You’re so hot,” a guttural voice husked in her ear.

  Y/N’s stomach tightened and she felt her body tense up. “Thanks?” 

  A pair of thick hands began roaming over her body, squeezing harshly in the places with more fat. Y/N yelped and grabbed at the wrists. 

  “Okay, that’s enough.” She tried to keep her voice ligthhearted as she took some steps away from the person. She did not get far in the crowd when she was yanked back by her wrist. 

  Y/N gagged on the fog of CK One and looked up into some angry green eyes. Then, she noted the navy Brooks Brothers polo and chinos. Trevor Addison, captain of the swim team. 

  “C’mon, Y/N, relax, it’s a party,” he chided. 

  “I am relaxed. I just...I just need to find Y-Y-Y/B/F/N,” she stuttered out.

  Trevor tsked at her and pulled her against his sweaty chest. “You don’t sound too good; let me take you to the bedroom so you can lie down, it’s the least I could do.” 

  Trevor started pulling her in the direction of the bedroom and Y/N did her best to fight it. Unfortunately, her inhibited motor skills were making her fumble and flail instead of fight.

   “Let go of me!” she cried, but no one could hear her over the music. 

  Trevor laughed callously. “Please, don’t act like you didn’t want this, dressed like the slut you are!”    Y/N pushed against him, tears welling in her eyes. “Stop it, Trevor!” 

  “No!” Trevor snapped. “Peter, Jack, Will, and Lucas all bragged about how good you are in bed. Now, it’s my turn!” 

  Y/N’s stomach dropped as the tears started to roll down her cheeks. With everything going on with Serena, Blair, Nate, Chuck, Dan, and Jenny, Y/N’s stunts went under the radar. She felt the dark cloud of shame hang over her and wondered if that was why no one really approached her after her breakup with Lucas despite her not really being social or open. 

  “Trevor, can’t you hear? Y/N isn’t into it or you,” Chuck drawled. 

  Y/N perked up and could not keep herself from gaping at Chuck. He stood behind Trevor, his shoulders relaxed and dark eyes staring right at Trevor. An outsider would think Chuck looked bored, but it was the total opposite. In fact, he was enraged and it looked like it was taking everything in his power for him not to punch Trevor.

  Trevor laughed in Chuck’s face. “Oh? And what are you gonna do? You can’t buy me off, Chuck, my father owns the biggest media conglomerate on the east coast!” 

  “That assumption is almost laughable, but I can assure you,” Chuck took a step closer, “if you do not leave Y/N alone, you will be thrown out of here once every member of the soccer team has a turn kicking your ass.” 

  Trevor narrowed his eyes at Chuck. “They wouldn’t!” 

  “Sure, they would.” Chuck continued glaring at Trevor for a moment. It felt like a decade to Y/N and she would have moved if she didn’t think it would escalate the situation.

  Trevor huffed and pushed Y/N towards Chuck. “Whatever, you can have the whore.” 

  Chuck grabbed Y/N by the forearms. “Oh, I wouldn’t have said that if I were you.” 

  Chuck waved someone over and seconds later, Trevor was surrounded by Nate and the rest of the soccer team. 

  “Let’s take this outside, shall we?” Nate asked rhetorically.

  A couple of his teammates pushed Trevor in the direction of the door and everyone stared after them in shock. As soon as they disappeared, the party resumed. 

  Chuck scanned over Y/N’s face. “Are you alright?” 

  Y/N nodded. “Yeah...I’m fine.” 

  “You’re crying.” 

  “What?” 

  “It’s fine.” Chuck gently led Y/N to another bathroom, sat her on the counter, and handed her some tissue. “It’s not your style to come to parties alone.” 

  Y/N snifled as she blew her nose. “I’m here with Y/B/F/N.” She sniffed and shook her head. “She wanted me to come out tonight and this happens.” 

  “Don’t let that neanderthal keep you from having a good time. Tonight’s the first time I’ve seen you not looking like a zombie,” Chuck argued. 

  “Chuck Bass has been watching me? That’s a shocker,” Y/N dead-panned. “I thought you were busy with the nightclub and Blair.” 

  Chuck glanced away and his jaw clenched at the mention of the brunette. “While I appreciate your concern, Vitrola is doing just fine. As for Blair, that isn’t a matter of concern.” 

  “Oh, sorry, I haven’t been keeping up with, well, anything going on.” 

  Chuck nodded. “Lucas had you in a vacuum, didn’t he?” 

  Y/N shrugged. “But it was nice, he was nice for a while. I’d like to say I don’t know where anything went wrong, but I do know. He didn’t like that I wasn’t always available, but, I have a life!” 

  Y/N was unaware of the force of her words until they came out and she immediately shrank back when she realized what she had said. 

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say all that.” 

 Chuck shook his head. “It’s fine. I’ve been through worse.” He straightened up. “We should find Y/B/F/N.” 

  “Do you think I’m a slut?” 

  Chuck raised an eyebrow at Y/N. “What?” 

  “You heard what I said,” Y/N groaned. “Trevor kept calling me that, like I was something to pass around.” 

  “No, I don’t think you’re a slut. You’re a girl who takes what she wants and not many guys can appreciate that.” 

  Y/N sighed and rolled her eyes. “Great.” 

 Chuck stepped closer to her. “But I can.” 

 She looked back up at Chuck and felt like he was staring into her soul. Y/N and Chuck never had any kind of falling out or negative interaction. In fact, Y/N spent a lot of her time staying as far away from him as possible. She supposed he had some sort of change of heart the first time he and Blair got together. When they broke up, there was no way Y/N was going to go near him lest she wanted to face the wrath of Blair. But, Y/N and Chuck spoke occasionally after his breakup and it was always entertaining. Plus, there was that one night at Vitrola...

  Y/N still blushed at the memory. 

  She’d had one too many margaritas and happily joined the burlesque dancers onstage. There were not many people in the audience, but the most notable member was Chuck. He looked deliciously mischievous in the velvet booth as he watched her belt out “Big Spender”. Y/N loosely followed the choreography of the other dancers. At one point, she’d straddled Chuck’s lap and crooned, 

  “Spend a little with...me,” into his ear. 

   The Monday after, Y/N was forever grateful that Chuck had not mentioned anything about that night to anyone. Plus, she’d met Lucas at an opera after party that Monday night. Lucas probably would have never approached her if he’d heard about that night, but, Y/N probably would not have felt as numb for the past month if he hadn’t. 

  “Chuck,” she breathed. 

  He kissed her cheek. As much as he wanted to go straight for her pouty lips, he was not that kind of guy anymore. He could wait and he would wait. “Let’s go find Y/B/F/N and get you some water, okay?” 

  Y/N nodded absentmindedly and allowed Chuck to help her get off the counter. She felt robotic as he led her over to Y/B/F/N, who was cackling with some juniors. 

  “I hate to interrupt,” Chuck said over Kanye West’s “Heartless”.

  Y/B/F/N stopped giggling, turned, and her eyes widened as soon as she saw Y/N. “Y/N!” She hopped up and hugged her. “What happened?” she asked Chuck accusingly.

  “Relax, Y/B/F/N/L/N, I helped her when she was getting harrassed by Trevor,” Chuck said.

  “That douchebag!” Y/B/F/N hissed. “You okay?” she asked, turning back to Y/N.

  “Yeah.” Y/N looked at Chuck. “Thank you so much, for everything.”

  “Anytime.” 

 “Let’s get you some water.” Y/B/F/N waited until Y/N had some water in her to call a car to take them back to her house. As they skirted by the shiny skyscrapers and 24 hour restaurants, she asked, “What was that look Chuck was giving you?” 

  “What look?” Y/N muttered. 

 “That look like you were the only important thing in that room,” Y/B/F/N quipped. “ I mean, I guess he’s better now since he saved you, but, it’s kind of weird. What are you gonna do?” 

  Y/N had no idea. 

  “I’m too drunk for this...conversation” Y/N stated. 

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

__________________________________________________________

I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert.  Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact.  We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen.  When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances.  And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book.  Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him.  I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’  Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down.  I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger.  Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too.  Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing.  We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming.  I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone.  Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework.  And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them.  Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time.  And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording.  By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice.  At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just—got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym.  Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart.  Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had.  She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities.  So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert.  I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear.  I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39.  I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.)  When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly.  He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting.  As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine.  There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles.  Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed.  It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up.  Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern.  The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons.  Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless.  I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up.  I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now.  I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him.  It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state.  I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily.  He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down.  I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.  I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find.  I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace.  I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised.  I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me.  I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car.  He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen.  He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS.  We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart.  We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back.  Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together.  So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at.  Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was.  Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women.  All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself.  But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day.  The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared.  Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said.  I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder.  I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for.  He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him.  I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything.  From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash.  By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared.  Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

[wellship]

Hello hi I just wanted to say I am absolutely here for Leah and Haley being girlfriends... hippie artist and pretty fashion girl??? Match made in heaven. Thank you. My crops are watered.

LISTEN…….. You have hereby given me permission to wall-of-text about why I love this ship so much lmao…

I already started off loving Haley because she’s IMO the best bachelorette in the game. I love not only how she grows as a character (compared to some of the others who can feel stagnant, even though I love them all too) but how her “growth” doesn’t mean that she sacrifices her personality completely.She was the first villager I ever romanced playing SDV because I was curious to see how she would be written and I was so, so pleasantly surprised. It’s so easy and common for characters like Haley to either stay as a shallow caricature of a “mean, girly girl” forever as a punching-bag for the writers’ projections, OR for her to do a complete 180 as if being girly, or interested in fashion, or not academic are bad traits to be “fixed” in order for the character to become likeable - especially since this was essentially a first-person dating sim, which often plays into the fantasy where a mean girl is turned into a totally pacified wifey-type by the (usually male) PC. I was fully expecting and bracing for Haley to go from being a caricature of a “mall brat” Mean Girl to being a caricature of an “I’m not like other girls” Cool Girl (or worse, “I’m so glad I Grew Up and realised all I need in my life is my hubby!”, but I wasn’t quite getting that vibe from SDV).

But that didn’t happen. Major props to CA for creating a character who DID grow and learn to appreciate things outside of her little bubble without feeling the need to abandon/criticise the things she used to like. She learns that shopping/makeup/boys (wink) etc. aren’t the only important things in her life, and she expands her horizons, but those things are still important to her. As someone who’s also interested in fashion and makeup it was refreshing to see those hobbies still portrayed in a positive light as opposed to something she had to “move past”.

So. Anyway. That’s why I love Haley so much and why I particularly like a narrative of her discovering she’s a wlw (thank you Stardew Valley for watering MY crops by giving everyone canon bi~ reads) as it ties in with her growing and maturing as a person.

And so when I looked at the roster of girls in Stardew Valley I felt like Leah was the best one to complement her character in a relationship:

Haley’s biggest obstacle in her life right now is that she’s very sheltered and, as a result, a little spoiled. Her parents are globe-trotting and her older sister has been left to look after her. The age gap between the sisters doesn’t seem to be that big and Emily isn’t very confrontational at the best of times, so I think she just took the path of least resistance, which was to do everything herself rather than argue with Haley who still sees her as a peer and not an authority figure.Leah, conversely, has had to become extremely independent and self-sufficient, very recently. Her narrative plot line about leaving an (if not abusive, then at least implied to be toxic/unhealthy) relationship and a position where she was “comfortable” but unhappy is very fresh and it’s exactly where Haley needs to be. Leah is in a prime position to, basically, give Haley a kick up the rear and tell her to get her act together, but without it coming off as too sanctimonious or parental since Leah is still going through it and learning herself. Two young adults navigating their way through adulthood and pulling each other along rather than one grabbing the other by the hand and “fixing” them.

The flipside of this is that Leah is in her position through choice, which she was privileged to be able to make. She CHOSE to leave behind a life in the big city and a stable career to pursue the aesthetic of living in a little country cabin and making art all day. Haley wants the opposite, but can’t make it happen. Haley would KILL to be able to pack up her life and move to the city to pursue her dreams - Fashion? Photography? Fashion photography? - but she can’t. She’s sheltered because she has everything provided for her in Pelican Town, but that doesn’t translate to having the same opportunities for forward momentum as Leah. Her parents aren’t implied to be very supportive of her dreams, so they’re not going to fund a move for her, and we constantly see that there are limited employment opportunities in Pelican Town unless she wants to work for minimum wage at Joja. So she’s kind of stuck. Narratively, we’re supposed to see Leah’s desire to move from the city to the country as a positive story arc (because it mirrors the player’s) while we’re supposed to see Haley’s desire to move from the country to the city as somehow being shallow or consumerist, and I think Leah herself would fall into the trap of thinking that way, which would be eye-opening for her.When you look at it, their narratives mirror each other. It’s easy to say that Haley is spoiled and out of touch with the “real world”, but Leah is also out of touch with reality in that not everyone can do what she did. I like Leah a lot and I’m not saying her life or her decisions were easy - and she definitely does seem to be genuinely “roughing it” and struggling for money when we meet her in-game - but she still got there by choice and she still does have a safety net of sorts, since it’s implied she could probably get re-hired in whatever lucrative field she worked in before moving. Haley doesn’t have that - her “safety net” of her parents’ house and her sister only works to support her as long as she stays put.I can see this being a really delicious and rewarding narrative point between them as they started to get to know each other, because I think they would probably HATE each other at first, lol. Leah would think Haley was childish and represented everything she disliked about “fake” city living while Haley would think Leah was pretentious and ungrateful.

Also I definitely love that hippie girl/mall girl contrast BUT please consider - Haley is also an artist and I think they’d both “get” each other on that level. Nobody in town considers Haley an artist. Leah is a “real” artist, a fine artist and a sculptor. Elliott is a “real” artist by way of being an author. Emily is a “real” artist for her sewing and… y’know… general aura. Those are defining aspects of their character. But to the other people in town, and even to the player, art is not one of Haley’s notable features. Her photography is just a throwaway idea. She’s the shallow, frilly, pink, bubblegum-scented boy-crazy “girly girl” who just also happens to take photos sometimes.But photography is serious TO HALEY. It’s pretty much the only thing she does around town other than wandering aimlessly. She has some pretty impressive equipment and she even builds a dark room for herself, either implicitly converting it from a walk-in wardrobe (which demonstrates how she sees her own priorities, regardless of how others see her) OR she builds it from scratch, which is even more dedicated. I think Leah is the best person in town to recognise that Haley is also an artist who’s dedicated to her craft and probably the only person to really encourage her to pursue it, to tell her that it’s worthwhile and not just some silly hobby. Leah would be able to see a lot of her own internal struggles over art in Haley, about whether it was “good enough”.

Conversely if there’s one thing Haley has which Leah lacks, it’s confidence. Leah is full of self-doubt about her art, her life choices, etc. whereas Haley’s main issue is apathy; once she finds something she’s actually passionate about, she’s very self-assured. I think once they broke the ice and started to become friends, if Leah expressed even a smidgen of self-doubt Haley would shut it down with very over-the-top but sincere pep talks.

I also just think their personalities contrast well, lol. Haley is extremely blunt but she’s not really trying to be rude, it’s just that the things she say often come from a sheltered perspective (i.e. “appearance is important to me” -> “[my concept of] appearance is important to everyone” -> “I should tell people if they’re doing Appearance wrong”). Leah on the other hand is very casual and polite but also hard to offend. She’s mostly content to let the odd comment roll off her back, but as we’ve seen with Kel, she’s also not afraid to tell people off when they’re being inconsiderate, which is what Haley needs - someone who won’t ditch her for putting her foot in her mouth, like most would/do, but also someone who won’t just enable her to stay sheltered.

Also in the context of this being a wlw ship/narrative, I think Haley would need a partner who was comfortable in their own sexuality since Haley (and her thematic counterpart Alex) are both extremely stuck in compulsive heterosexuality and sort of need a partner who… isn’t? Or else they’d just get sucked into a “will-they-won’t-they” vortex for a million years where neither of them know how to make the first move. Leah is the only bachelor(ette) who by default has any canonical LGBTQ relationship before the farmer, and that energy just translates well for Haley, IMO. I think if Haley found out Leah was a wlw then it would force Haley to reconsider her assumptions about her own sexuality.

Leah would go absolutely googoo gaga over Haley IMO and it’s just fun to picture her at the start of their interactions being like “god dammit she annoys me so much but DAMB .. .. .. girl pretty”

I doubt anyone read all of this but I HAD FUN and I’m really really glad to see such a positive response to that art!! I would love it if more people started shipping and making content for them 👀

[lovemesomesurveys]

“spin me around like you did when we first met”

What do you have to shave more often: legs or armpits? I rarely have to shave my legs because hair doesn’t really grow there.

If someone gave you a broken car, would you be able to fix it by yourself? I could take it somewhere or ask family members who work on cars, but no I have no idea about car repair. I know nothing. I’d like to not be given a broken car in the first place, though...

Have you ever seen a tornado? Nooo.

Do you have any pet chickens? No.

Does the color red look good on you? I don’t think I look good in anything in general.

Do you have any of your Easter candy left over still? Ew, it’s November.

Do you have blue eyes? No, I wish.

Do you have big or small ears? Small.

Do/did you enjoy it when your school would have pep rallies? I did enjoy the pep rallies.

Do you leave everything to the last minute? I’m a PROcrastinator.

Can you hula hoop? Nope.

What color is your keyboard? Black with white lettering.

Do you know someone who has two different colored eyes? No.

Do you like meatloaf? Meh, it’s alright. I like it paired with mashed potatoes and gravy.

Do you pray before every meal? No. I tend to forget. :/

“I’ve been waiting all day, for you to call me baby”

Do you have any goats? No. I don’t live on a farm, so I don’t have chickens or goats or any farm animals.

Can you stand on your tippy toes? No.

Do you live across from a corn field? No, I live across from other houses.

Is your driveway stone? Nope, it’s cement.

Do you like the lemonade Vitamin Water? Yeah. I haven’t had that in a long time, though.

Which is worse: losing your memory or have to be in the hospital for 3 days. Uh, I’d say losing my memory... that’s kinda a huge deal.

Would you ever go to a Lady Gaga concert? Sure. I bet it would be fun.

How many black tank tops do you own? I have a couple black undershirts. 

How many pages do you have bookmarked? I have 8 on the bookmarks bar at the top, but that’s it.

Is your age an odd or even number? Odd.

How often do you use the toilet? Uhhh I don’t know, however many times I need to.

Is your best friend older or younger than you? My mom is 23 years older than me.

What color is the back arrow at the top of the page for you? Black.

How many shirts of yours are red? A few.

Have you heard the song Brokenhearted by Karmin? Yeah.

“Tell me how to get back, back to summer paradise with you”

What's something in you room that starts with the letter P? Pillows.

Are you good at pulling pranks? I’m not a prankster.

Do you play Xbox? No.

Can you do a black flip? Nope.

Were you ever on student council in school? No.

Do you have any pets? I have a doggo.

Do you hate when a teacher calls on you and you don't know the answer? That always used to bother me and make me super self-conscious, yes. <<<

When you're sad, do you only listen to sad music? If I listen to music at all, yes. 

Have you ever touched a fish? No.

Is your mom's birthday in February? Nope.

Are you hungry right now? No, I had ramen not too long ago.

When's the last time you laughed? Yesterday.

What does your dream prom dress look like? My prom dress was white with gold specks.

Do you still have a Facebook? Yeah.

Do you like Twix candy? Yes. I don’t recall the last time I had one, though.

“We are, the same”.

Do you play the game Draw Something on your iPhone etc..? I used to be obsessed with that game. It was pretty popular a few years ago.

Does your house have two kitchens? No.

Are you a slow or fast runner? Slow.

True or false: You have brown eyes. True.

If you had dark hair, would you get blonde highlights? I had blonde highlights for several years.

Do you have a nickname that you don't enjoy? No.

Do you enjoy chicken noodle soup? Nah.

Do you hate missing school? Catching up on what I missed could be annoying, especially if I had to miss more than a day. 

Do you own animal print pants? No.

One of the best feelings in the world is turning in a test, agree? One of the best feelings in the world is not having to even take a test in the first place. <<< Hahah, for real.

Do you use tanning lotion? No.

Have you ever been hurt and then had someone tell you to suck it up? Yes.

Can people read your feelings like an open book? My mom is pretty good at that.

Do you know someone who has lost their entire memory? No.

Do you like turnips? No.

“Sometimes the only person that understands me is my friend that I tell nothing to”

Do you think your life would change if you were on the cover of a magazine? Yikes, I would definitely not want to be on a cover of a magazine. 

Do you really think Monday's are that bad? They’re just another day for me now since I’m not in school or have a job.

Is there a movie coming out that you will be seeing for sure? There’s several I want to see whenever they do come out; dates keep getting pushed back.

Are you tired of the question "Are you single" on surveys? No, the ones about relationships annoy me cause I am single.

Are you sad that this month is almost over? It’s only the 5th.

Do you think you could give up eating desserts for a month? Probably. I’d just miss cheesecake.

Do you think your life would change if you switched places with a nerd? I am a nerd.

Do you think you could jump for an hour straight? No. Or at all.

Do you have a pillow pet? No, but I have a small keychain version. It’s a giraffe, of course.

Have you ever told someone something secret and then they told people? Yes.

Do you like Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal? Yesss. It’s one of my favorites. 

Do you like ice coffee or it hot? Hotttt.

1-10 : how tired are you? 10.

Have you ever thought about being a rock star? No.

“Let’s be the same crazy people we used to be”

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? No.

What color is the roof on your house? Brown.

Will you be seeing the movie the Hunger Games? I saw all of them.

Was your first job being a babysitter? That’s the only “job” I’ve had. I only babysat my brother and cousins, but I did get paid, so.

Is your nose stuffy right now? No, not at the moment, thankfully.

Would you ever get your nails done? I only got them done once. It was for my 8th grade promotion, so it’s been quite a long time. I don’t care to get them done and I don’t have any nails to get done anyway, ha.

Don't you hate when you type and get letters mixed around? It’s annoying.

Have you ever not accepted someone's apology? I’m pretty forgiving.

Does your car have a sun roof? I don’t have a car; I don’t drive.

When's the last time you went fishing? I’ve only done it once back in like 2005.

Have you ever thought about being a movie director? No.

When you get older, do you think you'll have short hair or long hair? I like my long hair, but a part of me does want to cut it short because I just don’t have the energy or motivation to manage or do anything with it.

Would you ever spend over $100 at one store? It happens.

Have you ever snuck out of your house late at night? Nope. I never snuck out of my house. I never wanted or felt the need to do so. 

Have you ever danced on the road when it was wet? No...

“Hey, I just met you and this crazy, but here’s my number - so call me maybe”

Do you prefer the sunset or sunrise? Both are pretty.

Have you ever seen a tadpole? I feel like I probably have when I was a kid.

Do you ever miss Myspace? Nah.

Are you currently wearing a sweatshirt? No.

Do you like fudge sundaes? Sure.

Are you one of those people who wear sunglasses inside? I don’t wear sunglasses, ever.

Least favorite month? May-August.

Do you own a yellow umbrella? I don’t have an umbrella.

True or false: There is a 4 in the current time. True, it’s 4:01AM.

Has anyone ever said "Hello?" and then it all fell into place? Huh?

How much money do you usually receive for your birthday if any? My nana sends $20-$25 every birthday and Christmas. I sometimes get money from other family members as well.

How many famous people have you met? Two.

How long is your favorite song? I couldn’t choose just one favorite song.

Was it sunny out today? It’s only 4 in the morning, so it’s currently cold and dark outside. It’s going to be 81F today, though, so it will be sunny later.

Do you like classical music? I enjoy some of it, especially piano pieces. 

[fabrowrites]

The Ninja Create Fursonas

Despite the title, no furries were harmed in the making of this fic

----------

When the announcement first comes through, Jay's thrilled. He can't believe it's real. It's like something out of a dream. When the day finally comes and they're on their way to the studio, he sits in the back seat and practically vibrates in place for the entire trip.

A hand settles on his thigh. "Settle down, Jay!" Cole says, laughing. "You're charging up enough energy to give us all static shocks for a week. Is your brain exploding? You're so jittery today."

"Of course I'm jittery," Jay snaps. "How are you not? This is like, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

This thing being- wanting to ride their latest wave of popularity after defeating the Preeminent (and Nadakhan, but apparently he didn't count- yes, Jay was salty), a toy-making company had approached the group and asked if perhaps they'd be interested in a line of stuffed toy creatures made after them? As if they'd say no. And if that wasn't enough, they also wanted the ninja to be the ones to design them.

Jay just might pass out in the back of this van.

They'd been escorted into a cozy-looking room with long tables and chairs and given giant pads of paper and black markers. The head artist gave them a rundown of guidelines- nothing scandalous, certainly; they should try to make each character cute, relatable, and most of all marketable- and oh, wouldn't it be neat if they each had something to do with their element?

Jay had agreed readily. He sized up the sketch pad in front of him and cracked his knuckles. Okay, brain. Let's do this.

Except that was forty-five minutes ago and Jay's no closer to an idea than when he began. He bangs his head against the table with a long, drawn-out groan. His sketch pad drops uselessly from his hands.

"It's no use," he whines. "I don't have a creative bone in my body. I'm gonna have to pack my bags and move to the south and become a repressed goat farmer."

Kai mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "not a creative bone in my body my butt." But when Jay looks over at him, the fire ninja's attention is fixed firmly to his own board.

Blearily, Jay raises his head. Everything he's drawn looks like trash. There's a weird leopard creature scribbled out in the corner. Next to it is a lizard that looks like a cross between Rango and that purple thing from Monsters Inc except with none of their good qualities and all of their bad. A sad bird-thing sits in the center. It looks disappointed in him despite its lack of face. Maybe the blankness enhances it.

He drops his marker on the table and leans back with a long groan.

"It can't be all that bad," Nya says. She's bent over beside him, bottom lip caught between her teeth as she fills something in. Jay sighs without moving.

"I couldn't think of anything to draw so I started drawing Kai as a porcupine."

Nya whistles lowly. "That is bad," she says. Both of them ignore Kai's outraged shout of: "Hey! My face is the best inspiration you'll ever get!" She sets down her own pad, closing the cover. "Maybe if we show you what we've done, it'll inspire you."

"Or it'll just make me feel worse about myself," Jay grumbles, but he sits up in his seat properly. "Okay. Let's try that. Do you have anything?"

Nya shrugs the way she does when she's proud of something she did but doesn't want to call attention to it. "There was something I was working on." She flips open her sketchbook. Jay scoots his chair closer to hers. His eyes widen.

"Woah, Nya! That's actually really cool!"

"Actually?" Nya asks, raising her eyebrow, but she laughs when Jay pouts at her. "Oh, fine. Thanks. It's not much yet, but-"

The character on her paper is a seal, small and round, with dark eyes and a happy puppy face. At the edges of the sheet are more drawings- one has the seal in a wetsuit; another puts it in diver fins and a snorkel.

"I wanted to experiment around," Nya says. "I think I like the wetsuit one the best."

"That one's cute," Jay agrees.

From Nya's right side comes a groan. "Will you two keep it down?" Kai complains. "Some of us are trying to work here."

"Some of us are trying to work here too, but we can't," Jay sends back. Not one of his best comebacks, but it's to Kai. "I've got brain blockage and Nya's helping me out."

Kai glances over and sees what they're doing. He perks up. "Oh, are we sharing?" He sits up straighter and drums his fingers on the table. "Hey, guys! We're sharing!"

"Oh, good!" says Cole. "I wanted your feedback on something."

"Me too," says Zane.

Jay narrows his eyes at both of them. "This right now?" he says. "This is about me. Not you."

Cole waves his hand. "Of course, of course."

The way he says it has Jay hhmphing, but they both turn their focus to Kai as the fire ninja loudly demands their attention.

Kai has created what appears to be a horse, except that it has a few too many legs, a creepy tongue drooling out of its face, and horns. So it's actually not like a horse at all. Somehow it's both angular and blobby at the same time. Ah, the dualities of Art.

"I thought we were supposed to be making these marketable," Zane says with a tilt of his head.

"This is marketable!" Kai protests. "Kids are like, bonkers for dragons."

Ah, so that's what the blob is, Jay thinks. "Bonkers?" he snickers aloud. "What are you, seventy? Did you try cuckoo too? What about nutty?"

"Bananas," Lloyd pipes up. "Gaga. Buggy."

"Okay, okay, we get it," Kai grumbles. "You like to talk."

"That wasn't my point at all," Jay says, but he concedes it. He does like to talk, after all.

"Why does it have six legs?" asks Nya.

"Those are its wings," Kai sniffs.

Nya bursts out laughing, slapping her hand on her knee, eyes closed into crescents. "Hey!" Kai shouts, shoving her from her chair. "You know that drawing's not my real talent."

"Oh, we know," Cole says under his breath.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!" Cole grins. "I'll go next." He flicks back a page or two. "So I originally wanted to do a bear, because bears are cool and they're the deadliest animal on the planet."

"I'm pretty sure you meant to say 'shark'," Nya says.

"I'm pretty sure I said what I meant to say," Cole snips back. He returns his attention to his drawing board. "But bears are too overdone in this day and age."

Jay can't even make fun of him for saying 'this day and age' like some grandma because he's too busy currently gaping at the art on Cole's board.

The character on Cole's paper is definitely not a bear.

"Bears are overdone," Cole says. "So I thought, why not make a narwhal?"

"How on earth," Jay asks faintly, "did you make the jump from bear to narwhal?"

Cole shrugs. "It made sense at the time."

"What's a narwhal?" Lloyd asks. His marker is flying a mile a minute across his sketch pad and his eyes never leave the page.

"It's a unicorn fish," Jay says, turning a disbelieving eye back to the earth ninja. Cole just grins. "A unicorn fish that no one cares about. What happened to giving me inspiration?" he demands. "You've just killed any ideas I might have had!"

Cole pouts.

"I, for one, think it's adorable!" Nya's come up behind Cole now and is peering at his sketch pad. Hearing her words, Cole brightens. "Does it have a name?"

"I was thinking Gnarly."

Nya nods sagely. "That's uber-rad, bro."

Bring Me to Life is playing on a psychedelic loop inside Jay's head. Wake me up inside, wails the lead vocalist, but Jay can't wake up (save me).

"Am I the only one taking this seriously?" he whines. "Guys. This is like, our legacy."

"I'm pretty sure our legacy is saving the city," Kai drawls, "not whatever these characters will be."

"Our legacy," Jay emphasizes. "Don't you realize how cool this is? How many people get to say they have their own cartoon character?"

Cole shrugs. "Exactly. That's why I'm having fun with it. Hey, do you think that Gnarly would look good with a monocle?"

"I'm taking it seriously," Lloyd says. "Look at mine."

"Gnarly would look absolutely dapper in a monocle, how could you even ask that."

"How big is he?" asks Zane. "That would have to be one big piece of glass."

"Hey, guys."

"Ooh, you should give him a mohawk."

"A mohawk? He's a fish! Fish don't have hair!"

"I'm pretty sure it's a mammal, actually."

An explosion rockets the left side of the room. Jay startles so badly he almost falls out of his chair. His eyes dart around for the threat, only to lock eyes with a smirking Lloyd. A smirking Lloyd who still has his fist raised, faint wisps of smoke rising from his fingers.

Jay lets out an inhuman shriek. It's a wonder that no one's come in to check on them, honestly. "Lloyd!"

"What?" Lloyd grins. "You weren't paying attention to me."

"We've raised a brat," Cole says. "An absolute menace."

Lloyd's grin intensifies. "As I was saying…"

He spins his board around with all the pomp and circumstance of a ten-year-old who learned how to act through daytime television. Somehow, despite them only having been given black sharpie markers to draw with, Lloyd has colored his character in with crayon. It's a shockingly detailed goat-creature. Its fur has been colored a mint green, and it's wearing a golden sweater with dragons crossing the sides.

It looks like it was ripped from the pages of an actual comic book.

"Woah!" Kai says, launching himself across the table and sending no less than three markers flying as he goes in for a closer look. "That's awesome, Lloyd!" He beams at the younger ninja. "What is it?"

Nya scoffs. "Obviously it's an alpaca, you dolt."

"It's a yak," Cole says.

Jay makes a disagreeing noise. "No, I'm pretty sure it's a goat."

"Guys," Lloyd says, looking extremely disappointed in all of them, "it's a llama."

They sit in silence for a moment.

"Ooh," Jay says. "Alright. That makes a bit more sense."

"Is it my turn?" Zane asks. Unlike some other members whose names shall not be mentioned, he waits until their attention is on him before starting. "I put a lot of thought into this character."

He turns around his paper. Jay chokes on his water. Tears stream from his eyes and he's coughing, but when he wipes them away the picture stays the same.

In the middle of the page, in the glorious high definition only a nindroid could hope to achieve, is a shark that looks like it came right out of some Super Bowl halftime slot. Its eyes are vacant. Its mouth is open in an agonized scream. It's standing in a starfish pose, legs in lieu of a tail.

"My character is a shark," Zane says, as if it needed any explanation.

Everyone stops and looks at him. Zane's the picture of earnestness, eyes wide and unguarded. At this exact moment, he looks like a five-year-old presenting some horrific drawing to its mother. As the silence stretches on, his face falls. "Is it not on target enough? I know we were supposed to be making something related to our element, but there are not that many snow creatures."

The group glances at each other, expressions veering towards the panicked side. By some unspoken agreement, they all reach the same conclusion.

"Oh, no!" says Nya. "We were all just surprised by how good you draw."

"It's a great shark, Zane," Cole says, tone a bit forced. The expression in his eyes doesn't match the grin on his face.

"Yeah," Jay says lamely. "I like how- how blue it is."

Zane beams.

"It looks like you're well on your way!" says a new voice. It's the head artist, coming back into the room. She looks around approvingly at the studio of chaos. "Well done. I knew I heard the sounds of productivity in here."

Apparently productivity sounds like random explosions and screaming now. That's- honestly not that far off the mark, considering that Jay's a literal ninja for his job.

"The next step, if you haven't already," says the artist, "will be coming up with names." Cole high-fives Nya. "I'll be back in a bit to check on you again!"

The room descends into voices once again as she leaves.

"I need a cool name for my dragon," Kai says immediately. "There's got to be a way to combine my name with it, right?"

"Kragon," Cole suggests. "Drakai."

Kai wrinkles his nose. "Kragon? Like that weirdo from the LEGO line?"

"No, you're thinking of Cragger," Lloyd says. "Kragon is that magical crystal thing Jedi use."

Jay rolls his eyes. "No, that's a kyber. Didn't I raise you better than this? Kragon is that website that people sell stuff on."

"No, that's Craigslist."

"Whatever it is," Kai interrupts, "I don't like it. So you nerds can all drop it now."

"I think I'll call mine Neela," Nya says.

Cole glances at her sketchpad and makes a noise of approval. "Neela and Gnarly," he says. "Hey! Ours could be best friends!"

"You're already coming up with backstory?" Jay protests. "I haven't even started my character!"

"Well stop whining and just make one!" Cole says, exasperated.

Jay pouts. At the other end of the table, Lloyd's cackling up a storm as he writes name after name down the side of his paper. Jay leans over to see: his favorites seem to be Llod, Llyod, and Floyd judging on the circles he's made around them.

Jay sighs and leans back in his seat. Nya's abandoned her spot beside him to go brainstorm with Cole, and Kai's still tossing ideas out to the group even though no one's listening to him.

"Ooh, what about Kaitron?"

"That just sounds like a robot," Jay complains. Inspiration cuts through the cloud of his mind like a knife. "That's it!"

The entire room stops and stares at him. Seeing that he's just stood abruptly and slammed his sketch pad against the table, Jay can't blame them. "Kai," he says, "you're a genius." As quickly as he stood he's seated again, turning over a new page and beginning to sketch.

"I'm a what?" Kai asks, somewhere in the background.

Jay outlines a triangular shape. Then a body with one big wheel instead of legs. He fills up his page with sketches, mind vomiting up ideas faster than he can put them on paper. Yes. Yes! This was exactly what he wanted!

"Everyone!" he says- practically demands their attention. He rips the top sheet off his sketchpad with a flourish. "Meet NJ, your friendly little shapeshifting robot friend! The double emphasis on friendliness means that it's full of love."

"Shapeshifting?" Lloyd asks. "Woah, that's neat!"

Jay nods, grinning. "He can turn into anything, as long as it's non-organic." He points out some sketches of NJ as a toaster, as a spy drone, as an umbrella.

"That's- actually a cool idea, Jay," Cole says. "I like it!"

"Hey!" Jay protests. "Are you telling me that all my other ideas aren't cool?"

Cole grins. "You said it first," he points out.

"Kriff!" shouts Kai. For a second Jay thinks the fire ninja is swearing, but it turns out he's talking to his dragon. "Perfect name. Done."

The head artist chooses this moment to re-enter the room. She beams when she sees all their sketchpads laid out. "Looking good, everyone! Do you all have designs now?" They nod. "Great. Well, our next step will be for each of you working with our on-location artists to better flesh out your concepts. Oh, and then backstories!" She grins. "I'll go call them in."

She leaves. Kai stares at his paper. "I hope my artist likes challenges," he finally says.

[purplesurveys]

841

All About the Letter L

Please List! (at least one) Animals I Like: Lions, lemurs, lamb, and a special mention to Lhasa Apsos because Gabie’s family has one, even though Harley never particularly liked me haha. Foods I Like: LUMPIA, liempo, lasagna, and lobster.    I Know Someone Who’s (jobs): Lab assistant, librarian, lawyer, and lecturer. I Wouldn’t Mind Visiting: Luxembourg, Laos, and Lisbon, Portugal. Sometimes I Feel: Lethargic, let-down, lonely.

Music I Listen To: Lady Gaga, LANY, Lauv, Lykke Li, Lianne La Havas, and Lea Salonga. Movies I’ve Seen: Love Actually, The Little Mermaid, Lolita, Lucy, Life is Beautiful, Les Misérables. Names I Like: Lily, Lorin, Loretta, Lucia. And now, onto the random questions! 1. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house before? Not on purpose. Once when I was in fourth grade the school bus dropped me off but there was no one home (at that point I wasn’t given my own key yet) so my sister and I had to wait around half an hour till someone got back home. Other times I always had a house key with me. 2. Do you like green leaves or autumn colored leaves? Idk we don’t get autumn, so I’ll go with green. 3. Are you a sore loser at games? Yeaaaaaaaah haha it’s an ugly fucking trait of mine. I’ve treated everything like a competition for as long as I can remember and I was the worst kid to play with. 4. Are you a good listener? Yes. I prefer to listen than to do the talking, so I’ve gotten better at it through the years. 5. Who do you like? Who do you love? I like my friends; I love my dogs and my girlfriend. 6. Lamps - do you have wall ones, table ones, or freestanding tall ones in your house? My parents have wall lamps in their room. My mom was actually looking at floor lamps for the living room just recently, but she didn’t push through with buying one, idk why. 7. How often do you use the library? Back in my first year it was my sanctuary because I had no friends. The library was the only place where you can be alone and not feel judged for it. When my circle got bigger, I’d only go there to print stuff and that happened at least once a week. 8. Do you own a label maker? Do you label everything to stay organized? No, I don’t own one. Funny how my favorite TV characters – Monica Geller and Amy Santiago – both have a penchant for being organized and have their own label makers though haha. 9. Do you prefer lip gloss or lipstick? Lip gloss. Lipstick has always looked too strong on me. 10. Have you ever done the limbo? As a kid. It’s not a common game here but because we saw it a lot when we’d watch kids’ shows from the west, my siblings, cousins, and I would play it. 11. Have you ever played “The Floor is Lava”? Sure. 12. Is YOUR mama a llama? An occasionally emotionally abusive one, sure. 13. Do you lick your ice cream or just bite into it like some sort of savage? I take forever to eat ice cream so I’ve learned to bite it so that it doesn’t end up dripping all over my hands. 14. Do you know anyone who has lung cancer? Walter White. Hahaaaaaaa seriously though, no one. 15. Have you ever gotten lost before? Yeah, but those instances were nothing Waze couldn’t fix. I think I’d get an anxiety attack if I ever got legitimately lost with no map or app to help me. 16. Do you lounge around like a lazy sloth? If I know I’ve earned the right to, yes. 17. What little things make you happy? Driving through green lights, seeing a smiley face on my Starbucks cup, kind strangers, free cuts, finding a top I thought I’ve lost, babies waving at me. 18. Are you a loud or quiet person? I can be both, depending on who I’m with, what the circumstances are, and how comfortable I am. 19. What do you like to eat for lunch? I’ve skipped on lunch since March since my family eats breakfast really late lol. But back in school, since I’m usually on the go during lunch hours, I’ll just get a plate of instant noodles with a side of kwek-kwek. 20. Are you a list-maker? Yaaas. Love lists. 21. Have you ever had lice? Just when I was around 10 when I still played outside.  22. How much weight can you lift? I’m a really small person so not a lot, but by the end of my PE class last year I was able to deadlift either 80 or 90 lbs, I’m not sure which. It’s not a big number but I weigh 90 lbs myself sksksksk so I’m happy enough with being able to lift my own weight haha. 23. The last pair of shoes you wore - did they have laces? Yep. 24.  Do you litter? Never. 25.  Have you ever written or received a love letter? No, actually. Gab has other ways of expressing herself so I’m okay with it. 26. Are you a liar? How often do you tell lies? I’m honestly quite incapable of lying. I can say little white lies like “I liked your article” but anything beyond that I just feel too guilty doing. 27.  what do you do when you feel low on energy? Spend time with Kimi, get away from my phone, and lie down somewhere. 28.  Have you ever ridden in a limousine before? I haven’t. 29.  How often do you do laundry? My parents do it once a week. 30. How many languages can you speak fluently? Two. With enough context clues I can read a bit of Spanish and Cebuano, but I definitely can’t speak them. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]