#(fucking hate hand bones)
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bsd fandom has always mischaracterised kunikida to hell and back but the fact that i am seeing SO MUCH hate for his character right after his 'death' is insane
#'kunikida is a boring character' 'dazai doesnt even like kunikida' 'kunikida has never suffered through trauma' DO U HEAR YOURSELF...#on one hand yeah studio bones butchering ln1 so bad will always be a main source of the misinterpretations#but EVEN THENNN you dont HAVE to read ln1 to get it. you just need to use your brain!!!!!#i dont care if you dislike kunikida or dislike knkdz or whatever. you can have your own opinion#but dont make up bullshit reasons for why you dont like them??????#and also ship wars are so stupid if i see ONE MORE POST comparing skk and knkdz's partnerships#which while have some good parallels#are ultimately not the same#then i will FIND YOU#skk and knkdz involve dazai in two very different stages of his life and you cant compare them#'oh this is healthier. oh this is more interesting. oh this partnership carries more weight. oh--' SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS#LET PEOPLE LIVEEEEE#sorry for being petty but ive gone seven years without a knkdz manga interaction and so many skk shippers still wanna whine about how their#ship is better or whatever. like you already own so much content. so much of the fandom is skk tunnel visioned#why are you threatened by other shippers just having fun. calm the fuck DOWN#and also STOP PUTTING YOUR BASELESS HATE IN THE KNKDZ TAG I DONT WANNA SEE ITTTT#tag it as anti or whatever but dont shove your hate into the ship tag lol thats just basic etiquette#ok sorry im done now goodbye#this went from being annoyed at bad knkd takes to stupid knkdz hate but. those always seem to come together#smiles through the pain#bsd spoilers#sorry forgor to tag that
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Man I hate being able to read
#average wattpad behavior tbh#someone typed that with their hands#on a separate note i hate the delulu thing#my mom said delulu to me and i made it my mission to make her regret it#it's fun when people say that sort of stuff because you can make them explain what it means and watch them Squirm#but like if you make it say real words it says the solution to your delusional like WHAT does that MEAN#if anything booktok recs make me worse off in life#colleen fucking hoover and shit#call me old and out of tune with the Youth but i think it's stupid#''ooh isaac why don't you just let people have fun??? :((( it's harmless :((('' i am actively making pottery out of your bones#delulu#tiktok#anti tiktok#booktok#there that way my target demographic will see this post#god i hate having eyes#maybe im the only person in the whole world who thinks it's dumb but that's ok i can accept that
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⁺ ⛧ ﹒ jurgen leitner ? — ˚ 🕯️ ⌢
“ stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting , dust eating , rat old bastard , shithead , idiot , avatar of the whore - ”
＞＜﹐six , sixxol , sol , uc , cryptid , loop﹐🦇
🕯️﹐any / all + 17 + aroaceapl + abro ﹐★
﹑likes - tma , homestuck , lego monkie kid , persona series , drawing , figure skating , fanfiction﹒⟡﹒⤿
⛧ ﹔🥀﹒dislikes - bigots , wasps , needles﹐ıllı
！About you/info - pls save me from the self - inflicted suffering that is called “ drawing my characters reference sheet “﹒🪦
” - biggest clown in the circus , laughed out of town , cowboy motherfucking jurgen leitner ”
#intro post#tags are stupid#stop pinning me when i talk about jurgen leitner i hate him so much why does he have so many fucked up books ?#why did he decide to fuck around and find out just to set them loose#is he dead is he a bastard man has such a visceral affect on me not even in the room never seen this mans face and i know he has the worlds#shittiest beard get away from me#if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jurgen leitners waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent#back down#if i have to deal with jurgen leitner speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my#bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the purpose of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned#or alive#i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects books but i am just mad because i am angy#he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version#ill go ham#better have had a book make him kill a man because if he didnt im going to make him#paypal dot com slash i fucking hate jurgen leitner#episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be in his library and i fuckibg lost it#where the fuck is jurgen leinter if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt#crusty old man#ill punch leitner and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until#all thats left is one final book he kept on him simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish#im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point#i hope theres a date given for when jurgen died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone#every day once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true books#holy fuck i just hand typed the entire leitner rant /srs#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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the anatomy book i stole from my sister is legit heavier than my dumbbell, i should just use that
#i feel like a wizard reading an ancient text every time. it's dusty and falling apart too#i do have to be careful not to grab it with one hand only otherwise. my wrist#can you tell i'm avoiding studying?#ethmoid bone i fucking hate you
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nothing worse than people thinking it’s ok to be wildly drunk in public places and bother strangers just bc of a holiday.
#@ the man i just met i genuinely hope you sustain a serious injury at some point in your life#break two bones. lose a finger. lose your hand :)#ooh get a liver disease and be unable to ever drink again#i mean. ok this is mean i’m a little sorry#but i am SO fucking pissed and i hate drunk strangers who are so disruptive and evil in public#silly drunk people sticking with their friends? fine! great even#come near a person you don’t know with your hands and i will cut them the fuck off i am so mad#happy drunk idiots green day#also i do like st patricks i think it’s fun to celebrate but nothing excuses some behaviors yknow#moon babbles
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I love you books that are aware that they’re books. I love you books that demand an active participatory reader approach. I love you books that force the reader to remember that it is not its job to teach you how to read it. I love you uninviting literature. I love you books that hate being read. I love you books that reject the notion of what a book should be. I love you books that use every single aspect of itself to communicate the message at the center of the narrative even if its alienating and strange I loooooove youuuu
#i love you books I physically cannot finish I love you books I physically cannot stop reading I love you books that demand rereading forever#i love you books I want to hate but love I love you books with sinister intent I love you books that talk past you while staring at the sky.#i dont need favorite tropes i dont need favorite characters I need to Fucking Feel. i need Sincerity i need Intent and Passion#I need to hear the bones of the hand that crafted you shifting under the weight of what theyve done DO U HEAR ME!!!!#rose ramblings
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you know, I might be Stepping In It, but I really hate people's tendency to "you're lucky" when finding out someone's naturally skinny really piss me off.
I'm not saying there's not privilege to being skinny, there absolutely is in this fatphobic world. But as someone who has spent literally over half my life wishing I could gain any fucking weight ever it makes me so fucking mad. I've tried working out, I've had physically demanding jobs, I've tried, back when i could afford it, eating as much as I could handle. I have literal dysphoria about being skinny.
and then when I Go Off at a coworker for being the second person in a week to tell me I'm lucky- while wearing braces digging into my joints bc I am physically too small to wear them right but they don't get smaller- I'm told "oh but you have to realize we never considered the other side" sure! but I'm still allowed to get pissed! you would be too!
#personal;#i get it i GET IT we're not allowed to talk about skinny shaming.#I know this is nothing compared to what fat people have to go through#I know. I get it. I know.#but it's also so fucking invalidating to have to caveat my every complaint with 'other people have it worse'#like fuck maybe no one should be shamed for their bodies#maybe no one should be making off hand comments and assumptions about weight high OR low#like yeah the movement's not about me and i hate when ableds point out how accessibility can help THEM TOO so like#i get what I sound like#but I'm SO tired. I'm 29 and I've been trying to gain weight since i was like 13-15#I've never even managed to hit 130#I got close and then all my disabilities kept getting worse so then i couldn't work as much#and thus I can't afford food#so what i had built has been burnt#and I'm back to 120 and clinging with both hands to the hope I don't end up back at /115/ (I am 5'7". you can see my ribs)#like. I am NOT lucky. I can't sit or lay on a hard surface bc it hurts my bones#I can't cuddle well when I DO want to bc i'm just sharp bits#my proportions are so fucked that it's hard to find clothes that actually fit#like#I get it#I get what you're trying to say#but it hits trauma (ignored (JOKED ABOUT) eating disorder bc I'm skinny so it's Fine; repeated skinny shaming; etc)#and it's so exhausting not being allowed to be mad about it#If i had three wishes with no downsides the first would be to gain 50-100lbs and i've been saying that for over a decade#I'll probably regret posting this#ask to tag;
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Why must my limbs hate me. They want me dead. They may succeed if they keep feeling as if they’re tightening around my bones and trying to squeeze them into breaking. Owie.
#fucking bones#bone hurty#i hate it#aaaaaaaaaaa#when ur limbs feel like lead clap ur hands#when u wish u were dead clap ur hands#when ur limbs fucking hate u and you fucking hate them back#cos they feel like fucken lead.#clap ur hands.#👏👏#traggy’s shit
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ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
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I am the nail growth self saboteur!!
#random post#guess who rammed their hand in a wall and broke off the literal short nail on their hand?? this guyy#I’m prone to ramming parts of my body into things. it’s comical really#like a week ago I somehow bashed my hip into a drawer handle. because that’s how I roll 😎#it hurt bad enough to shock me into silence </3 I got scraped bad enough for my parents to go ‘GASP. PEAA!!!! WHAT DID YOU DOOO???’#read that in concerned parent voice if u would#it’s funny when I get hurt or do smth bad and I’m asked why I’d do that. like we both don’t know I function like a scarecrow brought to life#and learning to walk with no bones or muscles HHFSCREE#it’s fine now pain only hurts in like the first few moments and then it’s chill#got off topic there but anywayssss yea :> I’m just glad it was the one that was already broken an not a longer one#I’m surprisingly optimistic I’ll have u know. contrary to popular belief#adhd moment but do u ever think how we’re the first generation that will grow up and grow old on the internet?#do u ever think about what that’ll mean for us? or what it looks like? will there be a time when we just don’t log on ever again?#I also sometimes think of the internet graveyard. the millions of accounts that are no longer used either by choice or by some other#circumstance like passing away. I think we’ll only know when the future generations see a post by someone with a date 100 years in the past#these aren’t negative thought they’re just thoughts I have. a negative thought would be me wondering who will tell the world I’m gone so I’m#not waited on. obviously that’s not a problem I hate to worry about now but then intrusive thoughts do be intruding. anyways yea when I’m#gone at like. 80 (?) I’ll release my creations into the wild for people to do whatever with. it’ll be like an intrusive species lmfao my#impact on the world will be fucking up the online ecosystem forever#ok I’m done rambling now lol did you know I was holding a muffin while typing this entire thing? one handed I might add!! the chaos can’t#be contained no matter how much adderall u pump in me
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hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. malice, even
#going to tear spotify apart with my teeth for this one#i hate the tiktokification of every app i fucking hate you#i dont want to be forcibly shown music videos as soon as i open the app fuck you#there's no way to disable it either im going to kill you im going to eat you im going to cut off your hands while youre still alive#and use your bones as utensiles to eat your flesh
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just had to do an interview with prerecorded questions and i don't think i've ever done a worse job in my life
#aiden's monologuing#my webcam's too good it showed all my acne nooooooo#like none of the questions were the ones i prepared for why does this keep happening stop throwing me curveballs#didn't ask about my experience! or what i could offer! wanted to know what i'd do in three years??? idfk!!!!!!#fuck. also why do companies keep their job postings up if they're closed. that's happened three times in the last week#i'm gonna go shower and then become an orca and decimate the population of whatever orcas eat#my voice was calm. i didn't stutter. i just had nothing to fucking say. the opposite of the last interview.#i have costume shop experience!! i can work in a clothing store!! please!!!!!#i just ended up talking about working as an online artist. stupid. really stupid to talk about yout other job#that doesn't make any money!!!! fuck!!! motgerfucbakgnkakdkdndndaaahahahaAahahdhhfhf#fuck. whatever. this store is notorious for only hiring pretty people anyway i was dead in the water before i even began#i researched fashion trends for this. i had a prepared answer for how to sell someone a blazer. was gonna talk about the contrast between#formal and informal in making an interesting outfit#fuck. i could be so good at things if i could just sell myself the way i'm supposed to. someone throw me a bone i'm dying.#shower. whateverrrrrrr. i'm the whateverrrrrrerrrrr#tumblr showed me ad about being unemployed and it's like. man. do you have to come for my throat like that.#when will i find my royal highness that hires me to be the weirdo court artist and who everyone spreads rumors about our relationship#ideal job. i want court intrigue. i want to king/queen to hate me for leading their child astray. i want to corrupt the court and destroy#the monarchy. and also maybe be fed grapes by hand. i should buy grapes.
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the notification bell sound everyone and their fucking grandmothers put in their youtube videos to remind viewers to subscribe and ring the bell surprisingly makes me feel very violent and aggressive for some reason
#its so fucking obnoxious how can anyone stand it?#by violent i mean i want to take my hand and tear the flesh from my bones with my teeth#im barely exaggeration#i really hate unpleasant noises
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my germaphobia is crossing new extremes
#ahhhhhhh#hate it when my family is like “ur crazy 🤨”#fucking DUH i know it’s getting worse#like i can tell by the state of my hands and when i either need to chill with excessive hand washing#or just get better at applying lotion to cover up#but like#i don’t need u telling me i’m crazy#but also my brothers r like so gross#just wash ur hands when u come back from outside 😩 how fucking hard is that#me when they ask me in 10 years why im not married with kids:#well y’all kept calling me crazy and unbearable to live with so why the fuck why i put a child thru that 🤨#is it denying my possible exaggeration by kinda blaming this on covid lmao#i know the thing was air bone not necessary surface touch#but we were wiping and sanitizing shit 100% like barely still 2 years ago#the sudden pendulum my brothers r taking is like bro#^^
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Pls don’t tell me you can see a future with me unless you absolutely mean it. Don’t tell me unless you feel that shit in your chest.
#PLEASE#i will take it and RUN w it#to me thats a greenlight to go ahead w my feelings bc like. i want that future w you and you just confirmed you could want it too#and thats the difference#you *could* want it#i already did#im all in w someone as soon as i cant stop checking my phone for you#so PLS#for the love of fucking god dont tell me that gay shit unless you mean it#dont tell me you can see it until you DO#dont tell me you want it until you crave it#AND FUCKING OH MY GOD THE NEXT TIME I TRY SAY I CAN HANDLE SOMETHING CASUAL SOMEONE PLS RUN ME OVER W UR CAR#PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY THERE IS NOTHING IN MY BONES THAT CAN HANDLE CASUAL#i can be hot and say hot things and i will fucking MEAN them#but on the other side im gonna be thinking ab laying in bed w you in my arms and holding your hands and playing w your fingers 😫#i was so fucking downbad oh my god#i wanted to rub ur back when it hurt and keep you safe from the scaries. i wanted to feel safe for you 🥺#and like i still want that and i will be friends bc i really fucking like you and who you have shown me you are as a person#but just know if i was ever given the opportunity i’d absolutely try to sweet you off your feet and give you everything you deserve and more#🥺🫠🫠#i fucking hate it#this is queued#so if you see it ignore it. i just had to get it out bc goddamn. this hurts way more than it should. and i fucking hate that ab myself#dw im actively tryna switch my mindset 🤪 maybe im cured by the time this posts (i wont be)#idk if i’ll ever get over you man. you’re something special#:/#mine#thoughts and rambles
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the brainworms are still present
#it’s so endlessly frustrating i should have heeded the whole ‘this may cause irreparable mental damage’#i was at an anzac museum today and when i wasn’t reading the plaques i was looking out the window looking for whales#and the moment i wasn’t occupied#it was immediately brainworms#immediately i looked at my leg hair and my wide hands and the malebrained war interest my brow bone my forehead my arms#i didn’t even look at that stupid website today but i can’t get away from it#i genuinely had to force myself not to look at it this morning because it was just so tempting#i hate that i know what a fucking hon is now why can’t i just be normal#why aren’t there normal mtfs
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