#(for the record i only dm mutuals or i dm people myself) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

myfriendskickass · 7 months ago

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this is apparently a super unpopular opinion but i really wish tumblr (and all platforms actually) would let you know when somebody blocks you

tumblr in particular because the way they go about it results in site/app behavior that is literally indistinguishable from glitches (i learned that if you're ever getting ghost activity aka your home button says you have new posts and you refresh and see nothing, it's because somebody you follow reblogged something from somebody who has YOU blocked, 99% of the time. the other 1% of the time it's a bug)

it's really frustrating actually because like, you go to reblog something from somebody who has you blocked and tumblr just gives you a generic error message but due to how this site functions (poorly) there's a very good chance that the site IS just having a genuine error and it's impossible to tell without making yourself look bad by asking around "hey did x block me"

compounding the issue is that unless your tumblr is dash only, if you block somebody, they can still view your blog. the only way to keep people you have blocked from VIEWING you is to make yourself dash only for logged in viewers only. and also, if you try to use statcounter to track IPs, it does NOT record any views you get from within the app or people using dash view to view your blog (and if your blog is dash only with no custom theme you can't even use statcounter anyway)

also, on tumblr, blocking anons does not add them to your blocked blog list. this is a problem because if somebody harasses me on blog A, i want to be able to block them on all three blogs that i currently use. obviously i can't do that without knowing who they are. and the fact that on tumblr the block is not automatically mutual - if somebody blocks you, you gotta go out of your way to block them back, which is difficult to do due to how tumblr shows you you've been blocked - a lot of the time i won't even realize i've been blocked unless i go to look at somebody's page and if they're using custom theme, that doesn't work.

i understand how making it Known that people blocked you (speaking of all platforms now, not tumblr in particular) can open a whole can of worms for drama but as it is now all that really does is move said drama to places off site. i want to know who blocks me so i can BLOCK THEM BACK and more, i want to be able to block them on ALL PLATFORMS if i happen to know who they are in multiple places.

discord, for example, similar issue. if somebody on discord blocks you, if you keep a private dm open between you two and just never closed it, you still have access to the entire conversation. (because that's not ripe for abuse or anything with how people like to spread out of context screenshots these days) if somebody in a server blocks you, the ONLY way to ACTUALLY find out is try to @ them. And it doesn't apply to tuppers. Trying to DM them directly doesn't always work due to how people can set privacy settings that doesn't necessarily mean you blocked them, for instance.

the most important thing though is that i desperately wish i knew/could know who blocked me so that i can save myself the embarrassment of trying to engage only to awkwardly find out i've been blocked. discord makes this a bigger issue in group servers particularly due to the way group chats are structured because you could be trying to talk to somebody and because they have you blocked they don't see your messages but everybody ELSE does which. Awkward.

on tumblr, its more of a "hey do I reach out to staff or support over this? do i bother a shared mutual to see if this is a bug or not?" and that imo causes way more drama than the site in question simply clearly telling me i am blocked or not.

(on the rp side of tumblr specifically having people block you but having mutuals still interact with those people actually makes the dash super wonky as a result because i am FORCED to constantly check their blogs directly now to see if i missed anything important and end up having to see people who i have beef with as a result)

i understand that a lot of people also block for like incredibly petty reasons and that it doesn't mean that they hate you as a person but that is why i so badly want tiered blocking on all platforms that have blocking as a thing so i can control how much i want people to be able to interact with me you know?

did you know that somebody can be following one of your side blogs while having your main blog blocked, and the follower list of your side blog is one of the few places that tumblr will actually acknowledge to you that this account exists and is not a phantom?

Because I just learned that.

#conversations #long post

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currywaifu · 2 years ago

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NEW PINNED POST

[ OLD BLOG NAVIGATION - Writing & Edit Masterlists ] [ GOOGLE DRIVE FOR MY A3! PHONE WALLPAPERS* ] * currently incomplete since i have some more saved on a different laptop, but there should be around 100 there in the drive... so at least more than half of what I've made

Hello! I think it's already obvious I've long quit creating content for this blog. If you're curious about why's and where i am now, as well as what'll happen to this blog feel free to read under the cut. Otherwise, thank you for having followed me 💗

Q: Are you quitting creating content for A3! for good?

A: Most probably. I have plans to edit my older works as I find myself dissatisfied with the writing style, as well as now having a better idea as to how to make my writings more gender neutral and POC inclusive.

I also have some unfinished works I want to finish, although I feel I don’t know these characters as well anymore (specifically if they’ve gone through more character development, knowing a3 they probably have) so I’m delaying due to not wanting them to be OOC

I plan on posting some unposted edits though when I… find where I hid them omg...

Q: Why did you quit creating content for A3!?

A: The number one reason was probably staying away from social media in general? Specifically content creation and posting on social media about it (I was still on SocMed, just not creating anything). I was in a bad place mentally and physically so I distanced myself from fandom and some online friends. I also had to focus on university.

I won’t go in depth since it’s personal, but old mutuals can feel free to ask through DMs/Discord.

I also just lost interest in A3! in general. It mostly had to do with me starting university (around 2020) and not having the time to read any of the stories or do events, so the less I was caught up the more it discouraged me from playing. Mutuals being less interested in A3! and A3! EN servers being taken down probably contributed.

The last part is just... really being unhappy with the stuff I was putting out, unfortunately :(

If I were to give a TLDR it was a combination of health reasons, school reasons, and dissatisfaction. It feels sad to say this but I’m not very happy with most of my A3! writings.

Q: Are you deactivating your blog?

A: No, she can stay, though I have no plans of logging in anymore unless it’s to post something.

Q: You’re going to edit your older works?

A: Yes, it's my goal. When I have the time + get myself familiarized with the characters again. I look back at my old writings and it hurts a bit to read. So much I could have done better. I wish I did these characters more justice. It sounds like I’m being hard on myself but that’s just how I see it. The more we write, or do things in general, the more likely we are to improve.

I also just feel a lot of regret over how I treated writing. I’m obviously the only one to blame but I should have written things more for myself. I wish I could finish the rest of the requests I had left over even though I know a lot of people probably don’t even care about it anymore, but it sucks how I just up and left honestly.

I’m more likely to edit straight to AO3, though I’ll try to log-in when I can on currywaifu.

Q: Can I use your wallpapers/edits as profile pictures/banners/etc. on (insert social media here)?

A: Yes. You do not need my permission, and feel free to use it even without credit. For the record, I'm very glad that a lot of people still enjoy them. I feel like, same with my writing, my skills with editing have gotten better but I feel a little nostalgic looking at them.

Q: Can I find you on social media elsewhere?

A: You can. You can ask for my Discord if you want. I also have a new Tumblr. If you know, you know. If you can find it, you can find it :)

Kidding. My new tumblr is @zgvlt. Feel free to bother me there, even if it's just to say hi and not to stick around or anything.

#oops forgot to get back and post my final post but here we are #if you end up reading the faq stuff under the cut it probably sounds like im very harsh on myself but its how i feel #despite it all i still look back at everything very fondly :>

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kwonhoshi0 · 4 years ago

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𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮, 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 | h.c

navigation | requests : open | 9th feb 2021 |

pairing : bakugou, todoroki, shinso x gn!reader [separate]

genre : angsty fluff

warnings : mentions of toxic relationships/toxic past, abuse, read note below,

themes : toxic relationships, hurt, not specified trauma, only talk, mutual pining

note : i’ve never seen a headcanon for this and of course i would never write about this if i didn’t have experience on this and how it feels and i wouldn’t write about this if i didn’t know how much it hurts and sticks with someone, i’m not saying you can’t write about such events if you haven’t been through it but the emotions you can feel when in a toxic relationship is much more complex than one might think, i’m proud of everyone who’s been through this if you want to talk about this or you’re going through something right now my dms are open always <3

[ bakugou ]

> before you and bakugou started dating you knew you liked eachother but neither of you made a move

> that was until he realised his feelings for you couldn’t just pass with time

> he knew however much he tried you’d still make him feel funny whenever he sees you

> so he decided to ask you on a date, he didn’t show it but when you said yes he was over the moon

> since this is your first date since you had been in a toxic relationship you were nervous

> the first date went amazing he held you hand after you got ice cream and you got coffee, drinking it as you walked in the moonlight

> ‘y/n, i uhh- i like you a lot’ he said cringing a little as he blushed, you were both leaning against a railing which was placed over beach watching the waves crash against the sand as the moon shon over

> ‘i like you too katsuki’ you smiled blushing as a unknown feeling creeped up your body, it was unknown in a good way but it still made you feel uncomfortable and weary

> bakugou noticed your furrowed eyebrows ‘are you feeling okay?’

> you nodded quickly not wanting to talk about how you felt since it always led to arguments with them

> ‘in that case’ he cupped your face gently with his pulling you in, ‘you’re mine’ he grinned placed a soft kiss on your lips which you returned

> you’ve been together a couple weeks now, almost a month

> bakugou has realised you’re not the same as you were before you were dating he knew some things would change since you’re dating now but he didn’t think you’d be distant

> if anything he thought you’d be closer to him and he couldn’t help but think if it was because of him

> everytime you’re alone he notices you tensing up a little when he touches you, whether it’s a hand around your shoulder or on your face you tense up

> but you don’t do that when mina or your friends touch you so he was convinced it was him

> after you had only glanced at him not talked to him through school again he decided he had to talk to you about this

> he knocked on your door as a warning before walking in, you were sat at your desk watching anime and he frowned a little

> he knows he isn’t too affectionate or by any means perfect as a boyfriend but you’re always watching movies with other people or series and he wanted to do that but everytime he brought up the idea of spending time watching something together you never got around to doing it, acting as if you forgot

> ‘y/n what the hell is going on?’ he frowned as you looked up with fear in your eyes

> ‘i- what do you mean’ he didn’t notice the fear he was thinking about every possible reason for your distance

> ‘i mean am i not fucking good enough anymore?, we’re meant to be closer as a couple not fuckin further apart’ he raised his voice a little as he walked towards your desk

> ‘i don’t get what you mean uh, am i being too much?’ you respond, you always got told you were too pushy and needy so you didn’t want to make the same mistake with bakugou

> ‘i mean why the fuck don’t you even touch me for fuck sake, y/n you barely fucking hang out with me i barely know anything about you because you don’t stay and talk to me for more than 10 fuckin minutes’ he edged closer to you now towering over you,

> ‘i-i uhm’ your words got caught in your throat as his arm left his side and as he opened his mouth you flinched shutting your eyes and shaking a little as tears filled your eyes

> then there was silence, he was trying to get him hair out of his eyes, ‘did- did you think that i was going to..’ he was hurt that you thought he’d do that, that he made you feel unsafe

> ‘y/n...’ you looked up at him, he saw the tears peaking out of the corner of your eyes slowing lifting his hand to wipe it

> ‘has someone done that to you before’ you nod as he placed his chin on your shoulder carefully rubbing your back up and down soothingly, he didn’t know how it felt but he knows that nobody deserves this and if he can help in any way he will, even if it means letting down his guard for you

> you explained how the last person you were with didn’t like your affection and love because you showed it to your friends and they wanted you to only show him love and no one else

> ‘y/n i’m not angry that you show your friends love idiot, it’s because you don’t let yourself open up to me, i want you to feel safe alright idiot not the other away around, i’ll help.. and for the record i don’t care if you hug and show them extras love that doesn’t bother me just don’t let yourself be so guarded around me, i’m here for you to feel safe alright’

> you nod wrapping your arms around bakugous torso as he picks you up still rubbing your back, he sat on the bed leaning back letting your head rest on his chest

> ‘now what’s that extras name teddybear’

[ todoroki ]

> todoroki made you feel safe but that feeling is new to you so you didn’t understand what it was

> before you started dating you both got close as friends, you knew you liked him but being friends made you feel safe with him and dating has scared you, he didn’t know much about your last relationship only that it hurt you

> but he didn’t know that meant they literally hurt you

> so when he asked you, you said yes because of how amazing and happy it made you feel

> before you started dating you always laid your head on his lap to nap or talk to him, you were open and honest

> but you didn’t know how to act, you wanted to be yourself but that wasn’t enough then with them so why would it be now you thought

> todoroki noticed your change in behaviour and also noticed you always change when he’s around which led him to believe that he made you uncomfortable

> so when you were sat watching a movie he asked you getting a little insecure and heated

> ‘y/n do i make you uncomfortable?’ he said noticing how your eyes widen

> ‘no! how funny.. of course not’ you smiled which was clearly a fake smile to him and you wouldn’t have answered him like that if you didn’t have this act on

> ‘then why are you acting different? please don’t lie to me.. i don’t like this you seem like a different person and i don’t know why’

> ‘how would you want me to act shoto’ you replied with the same look in your eyes, you weren’t being sarcastic you genuinely wanted to know and that made him confused

> ‘y/n i don’t .. control you, be yourself.. is this really what you think of me, you think i want you to change how you act, your personality’ he moved his hand from his hair moving towards your face making you shut your eyes flinching

> his eyes widened at this, his hand was on your shoulder he was trying to comfort you but before he could get his words out you flinched at him ‘y/n.. what was that’

> he moved his hand away in fear that he’d scare you again

> you wiped away the tears forming as he looked at you with sadness, ‘i’m sorry’ you spluttered out as you moved to get up and leave

> before you could you felt a cautious hand hold yours ‘talk to me, please’

> you sat back down, his hand still in yours his thumb grazing over your hand soothing you

> ‘i told you about my ex, i was never enough so i acted different.. just to please him, i could never be myself and when i was myself.. he didn’t like it’ you said staring at your hands

> he moved his hand up slowly so you could see and placed it on your cheek as he moved towards you

> ‘y/n i fell in love with you, no one else only you, you’re more than enough for me, i don’t want some other version of you i want all of you. you’re perfect to me and if they don’t appreciate that then they’re fucking stupid’ you smiled a little at his uncharacteristic swearing

> ‘i love you, thank you sho’ you rested your head on his lap, your head faced his shirt he leaned down turning your head, kissing you slowly as you hummed into the kiss smiling feeling that same safe feeling you felt before but this time the feeling was stronger

> ‘don’t thank me my love’

[ shinso ]

> you first met shinso at the sports festival and since you’re in different classes you don’t spend time together during school time other than a couple minutes at lunch

> you both started meeting up more and more until you realise you like him a lot

> you refused to date him even if he does like you you couldn’t date him because of your ex, you were afraid of getting hurt again

> shinso knows you like him because of the way you look at him and stare at him across the cafeteria and the way you get flustered everytime he comes over

> your friends knew how much you like him and told you to go for it but since they’re the ones you went to when you finally broke it off with your ex they understand why you shouldn’t

> the only one who didn’t agree and told you not to date him was bakugou ‘are you fucking stupid!? they’re not getting hurt again they don’t need him’ he was a little too protective

> when he told you he liked you, you panicked ‘i uh, i like you too but i just, i can’t sorry’ and with that you panicked running away

> the next day he found you at the lockers the halls empty ‘what was that yesterday?’

> ‘sorry i’m not good with this’ you mumbled as he got confused

> ‘are you dating bakugou is that why you can’t be with me?’ he said observing your reaction sighing when you started panicking

> ‘what?.. no! i don’t.. i’m not with bakugou i’m just not-’

> ‘y/n.. i like you a lot i do but this is.. messy bakugou came and threatened me earlier’ you flinched shaking as he moved his hand closer, not thinking you thought he was going to hurt you because of your indecisiveness

> immediately after he took you in his arms ‘shit what the fuck.. y/n i’m sorry’ he held you as you teared up telling you about why you don’t feel ready and that’s why bakugou threatened him

> ‘i’ll wait, for now we can just be friends until you’re comfortable alright kitten?’ his chin rested on your head until he looked down at you and took both his thumbs wiping both cheeks pressing a small kiss to your cheek

> after a couple months of hanging out and being friends you were talking to your friends

> ‘alright i guess he’s fine’ bakugou admitted as you talked to them about how you felt

> you called shinso ‘hey shinso come over to class a’s dorms’

> as soon as he arrived you sat in your room gaming, after a few rounds passed you took your controller from him placing it beside you and turning to face him on your bed

> ‘shinso’

> ‘yes kitten’

> you grinned as he raised his brow smiling back at you his purple locks framing his face, ‘i’m ready’

> as soon as those words left your lips he jumped at you climbing on top of you as you giggled, he tickled you making you laugh harder

> after a couple minutes of play fighting he layed his head on your chest smiling furiously but not letting you see that

> ‘then you’re mine’

A/N :

IM LOWKEY HIGHKEY BECOMING A SHINSO SIMP :(( BABY IS SO :(( CUTE :(( IM

/)/£/;)28: anyway wbahahahdbfn help it hurts

taglist : @blazedbakugou @todoroki-shoto-is-life @luluwiie

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thedeadhandofseldon · 3 years ago

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The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

#unprepared casters #bombyx mori #haley whipjack #long post #this is really rough but I don't have time to keep working on it and it's already a month later than intended

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northwest-cryptid · 2 years ago

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Tumblr is such an interesting website because if you ask me as someone who frequents a lot of old websites, forums, and the like; it’s actually extremely similar to those sorts of “closed groups” in that it’s entirely user curated to the point 90% of the people who I interact with or who interact with me are part of at least 1 if not more common interests; for me it’s mainly ProjMoon related media. But it also almost entirely, though sadly not completely; lacks the toxicity we so often see on those sites, or even other social media sites; this is going to go a little all over the place but if you’re curious you know the drill by now here’s a little “keep reading” thing and my thoughts on everything will be below it:

We see this in a lot of forums on the internet that take up almost cult like “us vs them” motifs where even the admins involved will intentionally scare away or bully newcomers who get too comfortable and start actually, you know; using the website. However what’s really cool about tumblr is that because it’s such a diverse web of these sorta closed groups, we don’t see that here.

We totally do in some fandom spaces don’t get me wrong, but I genuinely feel comfortable just posting whatever random stuff comes to mind. I don’t believe any of my mutuals or even followers would randomly decide to say I’m no longer welcome or allowed to post in ProjMoon tags simply because “you also posted about some other random thing one time” it’s cool because in a sense this site functions as a way for us to get to know one another on a deeper level if desired, but while it gives me the power to DM someone, or send them an inbox message it also gives them the power to simply not answer it, to block me, or to go about their business as if I don’t exist and the thing is; doing so won’t effect how the site functions for them.

As a content creator albeit a casual one, using twitter was so strange because if I didn’t have enough followers for someone, they might not give me the time of day. Which yea it sounds scummy, because it is. However that doesn’t mean it wasn’t so commonplace that it was normalized and greatly accepted by other content creators who would often justify it with saying things like “we need to focus on growing our brand and if you’re not going to help us grow our brand then we just don’t have time for you because this is work this isn’t socializing.” Which man, this is why I literally go on record saying “I don’t like vtubers” I don’t mean Hololive or Nijisanji or any professional studio, I literally mean up and coming vtubers on twitter who have around 1,000 followers and think they’re such hot shit that they don’t have the time for someone with say 200 or so followers simply because “mah brand”

tumblrs system functions in such a way however, where my follower count, and your follower count are things that are entirely nonimportant. Like, how many followers do I have? Take a guess? Here’s your answer: does it matter? At the end of the day no matter how many followers I have it doesn’t really change anything about me. It doesn’t gauge my ability to make a “banger post” or to fit in with a community, it doesn’t give you any understanding of how well I can joke around or put on a show. All it does is give you an arbitrary number to judge my worth by.

What always amused me so much about my time actively trying to grow an audience via twitter was that so often I’d see these streamers with 1000+ followers only getting about 2 - 5 active viewers, and the best part about that is that genuinely a majority of the time that was them asking myself or the others they were in a collab with to also view their stream to help boost ratings, the people watching weren’t from their thousands of followers, it was literally maybe their 1 regular and the other people streaming with them or half the time literally themselves on a phone or in a different window. However they still looked at their flashy 1,000+ follower count and said “I’m better than you.”

This is how we’re raised on the internet, we’re raised and conditioned to believe if my number is bigger than your number I am socially better and that I should be held in a higher regard than you, that you should desire to be my friend because I have an inherent worth that you do not.

I mean okay hear me out real quick, when I tell you “I’m a vtuber/streamer/content creator” if that excites you at all, does it excite you because “my friend is a content creator and I would love to see what kind of silly content they make having got to know them and enjoying my interaction with them!” Or perhaps does it excite you because “maybe I could get popular by being their friend! They must have a huge following who would give anything to talk to them like I do!” While posing it like this absolutely does make it seem like a very “selfless vs selfish” reasoning, I promise it’s not that cut and dry; but at the end of the day I always find it interesting how people often find my more interesting when they hear I’m a streamer and content creator, but lose all that interest the moment they hear that I average between 5 - 15 active viewers. They don’t care that those regulars are really cool people who I’ve genuinely enjoyed getting to know and who I am always happy to see in my chat, and who I don’t address as “chat” but rather have gotten to know well enough that I can address them by their name or at the very least their username because I feel it’s a level of respect that should be shared when my audience is still small enough for me to do so. I understand if you have literally tens of thousands of messages scrolling by, you would have to distance yourself a degree from every viewer of course; but when I see someone with 3 viewers refer to their audience as “chat” it bothers me because it feels so subhuman to simply disregard the idea that there’s another living breathing person on the other side of the screen who is giving you their time and attention.

What does this have to do with tumblr? Well simply put tumblr is no different, I know it sounds silly or maybe even stupid for me to say this but I don’t enjoy looking over all my notes because “oh man I’m so popular and I get so much validation from seeing everyone interacting with me” but rather I really enjoy reading through everyone’s tags on posts they reblog from me because it’s a way for me to get to know them a little better, and it leads to me actually checking out their blogs and enjoying their original content, and this allows me in turn to piece together a little more about who they are as a person, and it makes me feel interested in reaching out and saying hi even if it takes a while for a conversation to really get started or even if they don’t respond right away or at all. I find that this site gives me a way to interact with others while being able to do my own thing and they get to in turn choose exactly how much of their time and attention they wish to give me, but they can always learn more about how I think and how I feel about things by looking through what I reblog or checking out my personal posts so they also have an idea of who they are talking to.

tumblr is a website that doesn’t ask me to fully identify myself, it doesn’t ask me to give you my first and last name, birth place, mothers maiden name, and my social security number; it asks instead for all the information you might need to start a budding friendship with someone, what am I into? What sort of things do I enjoy doing, engaging with, eating, listening to. This means you can latch onto any one aspect of those things and go “oh hey me too!” It helps break down intimidating walls and barriers.

I enjoy vtubing as a streamer because I don’t have to put MYSELF out there, I don’t have to be on camera, if I’m not having a great day and my hair is messy it doesn’t matter, if I don’t want to wear a shirt that’s okay too. However I still get to put everything that makes me who I am out there. I still share my opinions, I still play my favorite games, I still discuss my favorite music or joke around with my community. It’s why I was offended on behalf of their viewers when a vtuber I was collabing with started outright ignoring the individuality of their audience distancing themselves harshly from the maybe 3 or 4 people who bothered to come out and support them.

I am not about to tell someone what boundaries they can or can’t set for themselves, but it does feel a bit rude to not give people the time of day, when they have given you theirs. It’s why I tell my community outright “the chat box is your domain, the live stream is mine; and all my streams are a collaborative effort between you and I to have a good time.” I once admitted on stream that the entire reason I enjoy streaming has nothing to do with the potential of fame or fortune but rather because it’s simply fun to feel like I’m sitting on a couch with good friends playing a game I enjoy and having everyone sitting on the couch with me going “wait who’s this Netzach guy? I thought we were talking to the Purple dude? I LEFT FOR 2 MINUTES AND NOW HE’S DEPRESSED”

At the end of the day I’ve grown up as “the little guy” the person who didn’t have friends, the person who wasn’t good at music, art, or media; I’m not even great at playing video games or telling jokes. But what I am good at is treating people with genuine respect and kindness because I know all too well what it feels like to be judged by a number, whether it be your age, your follower count, or how much content you make.

A friend of mine always tells me they feel a little sad when their art doesn’t get as many notes as they hoped it would; and we once had a discussion about how we have been conditioned by living on the internet to desire outside validation rather than being able to genuinely be happy with something. We have to not only be happy with the creation ourselves, but also see that others also deem it important and good, otherwise the imposter syndrome kicks in pretty hard.

I still remember when I once befriended a few people in an old mmorpg only to have their guild officer ask me why I was always hanging around with their guild, I explained that I was friends with some of the members and I felt like I fit in; he then told me I was an arrogant asshole and it’s something that stuck with me because I literally didn’t know the guy. Yet to this day I always favor putting myself down rather than building myself up, and tell people that “I used to be an arrogant asshole” which is funny considering I used to be, and still am; actually a very depressed idiot who just wants to make friends with people and has an extremely low self esteem. However whenever I try to feel confident or catch myself feeling good about myself I’m reminded that I’m just “an arrogant asshole” and that’s specifically why I’m careful about the company that I keep these days.

That’s how the internet is, everything becomes a matter of “survival” where you feel a need to put yourself first even if it hurts others, and you might not even realize you’re doing it. It’s a sort of culture where we are so hardcore focused on “us vs them” that we have no idea that “they” are part of us, just a part we vaguely don’t agree with and therefore we divide ourselves off from. I have found that I walk a very fine line between “protect yourself and your mental health, block people who you don’t wish to interact with or who have wronged you, and never be afraid to set boundaries” and also “be kind to others and give everyone a chance because you never know if inviting a friendship today could be something you come to cherish in 10 years when you’re now very good friends with people all over the world all because you allowed yourself a moment of indifference and understanding.”

On one hand I believe everyone deserves respect and to be heard and to be given the time of day, but much like how a streamer might distance themselves from their audience for the sake of setting boundaries; I cannot fault someone for being even overly cautious on the internet because I have surely been burnt far too many times for opening my arms to the wrong people and inviting friendship when I didn’t realize it would end in ruin.

#Weird long post of rambling that goes completely haywire halfways through #but there's a lot of personal thoughts in here #anyways if you're interested in that sorta thing I guess this is one of my TED talk moments lol

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kbsd · 4 years ago

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not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough.

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

#i typed this all up at 4am so i'm just scheduling it to post sometime today #ask #vid help

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beardofkamenev · 4 years ago

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When Adults Attack! (Teenagers)

(Sorry to everyone for dragging this up again, but some people are chronically incapable of letting drama die down.)

The last time I posted about this was 18 February. It’s now late-March. Despite repeatedly claiming to be “over it”, a self-proclaimed “respected history blogger” has been screaming into the void for over a month now. She seems to be under the unfortunate impression that she’s completely innocent of wrongdoing, all the criticism is unprovoked, she has been targeted by “white bigots”, and that she’s somehow the real victim here. So now I have to explain why that’s bullshit. Unlike her and her two friends, I don’t make extreme but vague accusations with zero evidence. I don’t make empty threats about “exposing” people.

The short story? She involved her own self in a situation that had nothing to do with her, downplayed her friends’ racism towards others, incited her followers to harass a teenager, repeatedly lied to her followers about the multiple POC who criticised her friends being “white”, and has continued to inflame the issue while trying to downplay her role in doing so. The long story? Well, I’ll let the receipts do the talking.

That’s Olivia’s first post at the start of February, days before I or anyone else had even said anything. “My anonymous Jewish friend said!” should have been a red flag to anyone capable of reading anything longer than 280 characters. I’ve already explained why Haley (lucreciadeleon/turtlemoons plus her 92849374 alt accounts) is full of shit and so have plenty of others (here, here, and here, to name a few).

Olivia claims that, as a Romani woman, she’s not obliged to engage with content that offends her. Fine. So why is a black teenager obliged to engage with Haley’s deranged anons? Why are her hate anons are so worthy of a response that not responding is an act of ANTISEMITISM that warrants Olivia telling everyone what an antisemite this teenager is for not responding? FYI, NO ONE is obligated to respond to anon hate, especially from people they’ve already blocked. And considering Haley admitted not once, not twice, but three times to breaking Tumblr’s TOS to circumvent a mutual block and send those anons (including how she did it), people are especially not obligated to engage with her.

I made my first posts exposing Taylor (lucreziaborgia/elizabethblount) and Haley’s lies and backtracking on 6 and 7 February. This was before I acknowledged Olivia’s role in inflaming the situation. In fact, I didn’t even know about her tweets until 8 February. Yet, here she is on 6 FEBRUARY already bitching about my posts to her Twitter followers. She has some nerve acting like I victimised her, just because I posted the screenshots of her bitching about me. And bragging about ‘gaslighting’? The word that multiple people have separately described what her two friends subjected them to? Classy.

I can’t “stalk” her public Twitter any more than she can “stalk” my public blog. What an exceptionally stupid claim to make, considering her tweets kept getting recommended to my mutuals whether they liked it or not. Have some integrity and own the shit you say, rather than backtracking, deleting your posts, and pretending that you didn’t say the things we saw you say. If you want to talk shit about others in public, be ready to answer for it in public.

I also wonder how this started over Henry VII. I specifically wonder how this discussion between myself and May (richmond-rex) triggered Taylor’s totally unprovoked racist comments about how we and Nathen Amin “simp for a dead white man”, and we should “simp for someone who actually advocated for the rights of others” instead. The implication being that Tudor history is only for white people like Taylor, and that only her fave is worthy of discussion (“AnNe BoLeYn WaS oThErEd BeCaUsE sHe WaS tAn.” Good grief).

When multiple POC called bootleg Regina George out for it, not only did she say she couldn’t possibly be racist because Haley approved of her racism, but also tried to argue that Nathen Amin deserved it because it was inappropriate for a British man to joke about Brexit. She then claimed we called her “anti-Welsh” (another fucking lie) to make it seem like a bunch of cRaZy blacks and browns were attacking poor, innocent white her (with Olivia coming to the rescue, of course). And as if that wasn’t enough, Haley then sent these bad faith hate anons calling Nathen Amin’s tweet ANTISEMITIC, for no other reason than to retroactively justify Taylor’s racist comments (though I didn’t see Haley getting offended when she was hate-scrolling through his blog before Taylor was called out).

That was the “antisemitic shit” Haley “privately messaged about” that Olivia thinks deserves a response. In case it's not clear: defending racism makes you complicit in racism. Being Jewish is NOT a get-out-of-racism-free card, and Haley trying to use it as one is absolutely dishonest, especially when NO ONE even knew she was Jewish until she finally admitted in February she was the anonymous ‘Jewish friend’ who sent those batshit anons. Other Jewish people also called Haley out on it, yet Haley and Olivia have conveniently ignored that little fact since it contradicts their narrative.

You think it’s over? Nope. Taylor then slunk into May’s dm’s with a half-arsed apology, where she admitted that the only reason she made those racist comments about Nathen Amin was because we “attacked Gareth Russell first” (“BeCaUsE AnNe FaNs CiTe HiS wOrk”) and she “just wanted to educate us about not lionising Henry VII” (even though anyone with eyeballs can read our discussion see she’s full of shit). At the same time, she and Haley were messaging other history bloggers, telling them that everyone who called them out were antisemites (including an openly Jewish mutual of ours) in an attempt to alienate them from the community. And this was just in JANUARY.

“I can’t be racist! My Jewish friend agrees with my racism!” That steaming load of backtracking horseshit is unfortunately the kind of nonsense Olivia has chosen to defend. FOR WEEKS Taylor ignored May’s messages, explaining why she — a black woman — found Taylor’s comments offensive. Did Taylor listen? Nope. In fact, she only replied in February: after she already started posting about how ignoring Haley’s hate anons was “antisemitism”. How convenient. Taylor might be a fucking idiot but we’re not. She only replied to May because she was afraid we’d use her own words against her. Clearly she never learnt a damn thing because here she is on 6 February backtracking on her apology. “Actually, I did NOTHING wrong! Also, you’re all antisemites for saying I did because my Jewish friend agrees with me!” And what made Taylor feel as though she had permission to start deflecting her vile behaviour onto others in order to get the heat off her? Olivia’s post about ‘their Jewish friend’ Haley: the one that followed Olivia’s “private discussion” with “her two friends”. Taylor is a racist hypocrite who hides behind the few minority friends she has to justify her racism, and attacks every other minority who disagrees with her. It’s no coincidence that the majority of the history bloggers who have a problem with Taylor and Haley’s nasty behaviour happen to be POC.

Despite Olivia admitting that she knew nothing about that situation other than what those two told her, she still took it upon herself to misconstrue and downplay to all her followers the extent of her friends’ racism, lies, and general nastiness (here she is on 9 MARCH). For her, our problems with racism are little more than “stupid drama”, “Henry VII drama”, “Gareth Russell drama”, “overreacting to a joke”, and “petty disagreements over dead people” because her friends are the perpetrators. Yet she demands everyone sympathise with her never-ending dramas and projects her behaviour onto others, despite the fact that she’s shown absolutely no understanding for why so many people have problems with her friends and has consistently defended the perpetrators. She’s entitled to be upset at whatever she wants to be upset at, but she is not entitled to tell her followers that we can’t be upset about racism directed at us, especially when that situation NEVER EVEN INVOLVED HER.

I agree. It’s disturbing that three grown women in their mid to late 20s have a vendetta against an 18 year old. Olivia acknowledged that her posts were reckless and that she would have acted differently if she just sat down and thought for one fucking second. But rather than correct the record on the same platform she made those accusations, she doubled down and took off to Twitter, saying that her anger entitled her to act that way. All with zero acknowledgement of the fact that the teenager SHE falsely accused and repeatedly mocked for her age was still being harassed by HER followers as a direct result of HER posts.

She might love the ‘clout’ that comes with a large following, but she evidently doesn’t care about the responsibility that comes with it. In Taylor and Haley’s case, it’s little more than a means to intimidate others into silence. Olivia might be a “respected history blogger” or a “good historian”, but that definitely doesn’t make her a good person. Far from it, if her behaviour is anything to go by.

This was on 9 February, 3 days after my first post. Bitching about me was all fun and games until the receipts came out, huh?

There’s nothing “insane” about keeping receipts, especially when Taylor and Haley are notorious for lying out of their arses and fake-apologising to people in the dm’s, only to continue mocking them on Twitter afterwards. You know what is insane though? Searching ‘romani’ on our blogs in a pathetic attempt to dig up dirt that doesn’t even exist (yeah, stat trackers exist). Do you know what else is insane? Haley spamming people with passive aggressive anons and sending anon hate to people who’ve already blocked her. She also “stalked” our WOTR group chat, though she’ll never admit to it, despite accidentally posting the dated receipts proving it. Oops!

It’s no secret that Taylor and Haley are cowards (as all bullies are), so it was no surprise when they eventually involved Olivia in their month-old vendetta against a teenager. They wanted to school a black girl on racism and Congolese genocide apologism, so they needed to get a “respectable history blogger” on their side. And Olivia happily obliged, kicking up such a fuss on their behalf that the teenager just offered to end it (despite the fact that Olivia vagued her first). Yet still Olivia continued, publicly mocking her age and calling her an “antisemite” long after the discussion was over (here she is on 24 February still carrying on). Either a teenager is old enough to be publicly shamed for being an “antisemite” and “antiromani bigot”, or she’s too young to be taken seriously. But at 25, Olivia is certainly old enough to know better than to participate in this kind of vile, petty, wannabe Mean Girl behaviour.

Olivia is not black. Taylor is not black. Haley is not black. So for the record, if you are not black, it is not your place to tell BLACK PEOPLE whether they can take issue with apologism for BLACK GENOCIDE. Multiple black history bloggers have already explained why they had a problem with Gareth Russell’s comments about the Congolese genocide (including the teen in question), yet that was less important to Olivia than not being able to call him a sexist weirdo because he’s gay. Olivia cannot speak on all minority issues — especially black and brown issues — and it is arrogant of her to assume that she can, especially since her understanding of the Gareth Russell issue came purely from “what she discussed with her two friends” by her own admission.

What a take. Here’s the “anti-Romani” post that I supposedly made. Precisely ZERO of my posts were about Olivia and not once did I even name her directly. So her claims that I mounted some kind of “vicious attack” against her is, uh, bullshit. Criticising her and her friends for their nasty, dishonest, and irresponsible behaviour isn’t “anti-Romani” just because she’s Romani. It’s no more “anti-Romani” than her erratic attempts to “expose” me are anti-Asian just because I’m Asian. It’s not any more “anti-Romani” just because the UK government has passed anti-Romani laws, any more than her telling deranged lies about me for over a month is an anti-Asian hate crime simply because there’s been an increase in anti-Asian hate crimes. I’m not British. I’m not from the UK. I have no control over whatever dumb, racist crap her government does. So she can fuck off and continue fucking off if she wants to make me personally responsible for that. The backlash she received had nothing to do with her identity and everything to do with how she purposely incited harassment against a teenager, defended her friends’ racism, and spread demonstrable lies to her followers. The “viciousness” of the backlash she received is directly proportionate to the viciousness of her own baseless attacks against others. She can claim to be more mature than an 18 year old all she wants, but do you know what the actual mature thing to do would have been? To not promote her friends’ lies and nonsense, especially when the other people they tried to involve had the sense to stay out of it.

Olivia, Taylor and Haley are fully-grown adults, but take no responsibility for their actions. Yet, they expect teenagers to have total control over not only their own emotions, but also the emotions and actions of others. Olivia thinks that a teen should be personally responsible for the behaviour of fully-grown adults, yet she’s close friends with Taylor — a racist, xenophobic bully who screenshots Tumblr people’s posts to mock them on Twitter (here and here from December), called Poles who’ve lost relatives in the Holocaust “genocidal loving freaks”, accused an openly Ashkenazi Jewish blogger of “internalised antisemitism” just for criticising her (a white gentile), said that people who like Mary I “resent their own siblings”, co-opted our struggles under Spanish imperialism just so she could bully ‘Spaniards’ (despite her being American and therefore equally responsible for genocide, by her flawed logic), and said that the black teen who called out her racism “really deserved to be bullied” and “needed to be policed”. Olivia is also close friends with Haley, who has a history of attacking people over posts that have nothing to do with her, publicly admitted to circumventing blocks in order to send hate anons, and likened me — a Filipino immigrant — to DONALD TRUMP and a neo-Nazi conspiracy theorist just because I posted the receipts exposing her lies, harassment of others, and projection.

Most of the people who have spoken out against these three didn’t even know each other until last month. Some of ‘us’ have actually blocked each other. Yet all of us agree that their behaviour towards others has been absolutely unacceptable. How is it that so many unrelated people from different corners of the ‘fandom’ have exactly the same problems with exactly the same people? If Olivia want us to take personal responsibility for “our friends’” behaviour, then she should first take responsibility for hers.

This is on 26 February, over a week after I last posted. As anyone with eyeballs can see, I called her British once. Not “repeatedly”. ONCE. So she can fuck off again with that bullshit. And why did I point that out? Because Olivia, a British citizen, made pejorative comments about “white Eastern Europeans!!!” just because she thinks some Polish people committed the heinous crime of... screenshotting her tweets. They didn’t even do it, and even if they did, how is that even relevant? Everyone knows that one specific Polish person lives rent free in Taylor’s head, so clearly Olivia just took Taylor’s word for it that it must have been The Poles who were “stalking” her. Maybe don’t take paranoid liars at face value next time?

Shameless, ignorant, tone deaf nonsense. Olivia constantly demands that people treat her and her identity with the utmost respect, yet here she was on 9 February already disrespecting the identities of others just so she can score some petty ‘oppression points’ against them. Why even bring their nationalities up? And why call them “white Eastern Europeans” instead of Polish since she knows they’re Polish? Is it because acknowledging that they are Polish would mean acknowledging that she doesn’t actually have a monopoly on a claim to discrimination or Holocaust trauma? Could it be that dismissing them as just some “white Eastern Europeans” was just another way for her to add credence to her own “pathetic lies” about the situation? There’s a word for that behaviour, and it starts with pro- and ends with -jection.

Let me reiterate: it is IGNORANT of her to use their identity against them, especially when hate-crimes against Polish immigrants have increased in her home country, and especially when the specific people she insulted lost close relatives (including Jewish relatives) in the Holocaust. It’s not “repeatedly mocking her identity” to point out her hypocrisy. Her being Romani is not an excuse for casual xenophobia. She might be able to hide her identity in the UK (though she shouldn’t have to), but Polish immigrants do not have the privilege of passing as first-language white British. I cannot pass as non-Asian. The black girl she and her friends tried to bully off Tumblr cannot pass as non-black. Olivia weaponising people’s identity against them just because she thinks they saw her public tweets is ignorant, petty, and completely uncalled for. She should be absolutely ashamed for using that pathetic argument, but based on her most recent farrago of nonsense, she probably won’t be.

Here’s her on 7 MARCH. And of course Taylor was the first to like it lol. Olivia may have deluded herself into believing she was just an innocent bystander, but unfortunately, enough people saw her admitting to inserting herself into the situation at the behest of her two friends. With every post before and since, her accusations have gotten wilder and wilder, falser and falser, and more and more irrelevant because she knows full well that none of her followers will bother fact-checking her. That’s the beauty of vagueing people. It’s how Taylor and Haley have been able to get away with pulling the wool over peoples’ eyes for so long. Too bad repetition, projection, and self-righteous outrage doesn’t equate to the truth because those are all those three have.

“SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPOSE THE WHOLE DAMN LOT OF THEM! BUT IT WON’T BE ME!”

No one has said anything since 18 February, yet here’s Olivia publicly inciting her followers again. She’s “done talking about it”, yet she’s the only one continuing the drama. She is being ‘persecuted’, yet she mobilises her followers to go after others. She needs to be defended against critics, yet she also can’t resist bragging about big her Tumblr following is, how “piddly” our notes are compared to hers, how she got over 30 followers to report my posts (they’re still up lol), and how many people she can get to dig through our blogs to find anything to “expose” us. Olivia, I’m sorry that you require constant validation from strangers on the internet, but not everyone has the same priorities as you. Some of us just come here to have fun, but having shitstarters in the community is decidedly un-fun.

All my posts were directed at Taylor and Haley, but since Olivia insists on making this revolve around her, let me clarify: she is a hypocrite and a professional victim. Words have meaning, and those words are the most accurate words to describe her behaviour. It has fuck all to do with her identity. She and Haley are professional victims because they act as if their minority statuses exempt them from basic rules of online courtesy and entitle them to run their mouths about others with no consequence. And Olivia is a hypocrite because she demands the respect and understanding that she has repeatedly refused to show to others. She made ignorant, xenophobic comments against Polish people because she falsely assumed they screenshot her public posts bitching about others. She pretends that the many POC who have spoken out against her are just some “white” hive-mind because admitting that we’re not white will discredit the victimhood narrative she’s been peddling to her followers. And she arrogantly presumes to be ‘our’ voice in the community, all while mobilising her following to intimidate and silence the minorities who take issue with her and her friends’ vile behaviour.

It’s extremely telling that in every one of her unlettered rants, Olivia made the conscious choice to conflate us with “white gentiles”, “white antisemites”, and “white Eastern Europeans”. Why? Because in order to “name and shame” us, she’d have to admit to her followers that the majority of the people criticising her aren’t actually “white”, but are in fact black, brown, and Jewish. Having repeatedly demanded that her followers defend her, her reputation and credibility now depends upon people continuing to see her as the oppressed victim of “bigoted whites”. Unfortunately for her and her friends, the truth will always come out. That’s what receipts are for, no matter what they claim.

The history community didn’t side with “a white gentile woman”. We sided with a black teenager who Olivia and her friends repeatedly mocked for her age, publicly and privately spread false accusations against, and incited their followers to harass with their never-ending posts. We sided against white racists like Taylor, and her white-passing enablers like Olivia and Haley. Since being called out for racism by a black girl discredited them, they had to discredit her. And unlike the others Taylor and Haley tried to involve, Olivia was their willing accomplice. If she has now been “alienated by half the history fandom”, it is because of her own behaviour and rightly so.

The ideal course of action would be for Olivia to finally take some responsibility for her actions, publicly apologise for her role in inflaming this drama, and move on like the rest of us have tried to do. But unfortunately, she may be too far gone in her own pathological need for online validation to ever admit wrongdoing without some serious introspection. So perhaps, Olivia, if anything else, you should just take your own advice and, once and for all, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

#here's my fucking rent #seeing as i've lived in your head for a whole month #dumb and dumber #disk horse for ts #long post

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years ago

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Getting To Know...

Bestfriend.

Bestfriend was half-formed through a mutual friend and half-formed through Instagram DMs in 2018. The indie-pop duo is a culmination of two young artists, Stacy Kim and Kaelan Geoffrey, making music from thousands of miles apart; Stacy in the west, Kaelan in the east.

Through trial and error (and many gigabytes of .wav files sent back and forth), they’ve found their stride in dreamy, story-telling pop songs. Last month, Bestfriend released 'Hannah in the City,' a bittersweet indie pop bop about life's big what if's.

The duo's newest EP, places i’ve lived, which is out today, is a love letter to all of the experiences and people from Bestfriend’s young adult lives. Heavily inspired by storytelling songwriters like Lorde, The National, Big Thief and Julia Jacklin, with production inspired by Bleachers, FINNEAS, The 1975, Rina Sawayama.

We had a chat with the duo all about places i've lived, how the pandemic has impacted their creativity and what they have planned next. Read the Q&A below.

Hi guys! How have you been? How has the pandemic impacted you and your creativity?

Stacy: "I’ve actually found that it gave me an opportunity (with the knowledge that any aspect of the pandemic giving me an opportunity is a massive privilege) where I wasn’t spending any of my time doing Other Things anymore. I wasn’t seeing friends, I was working from home, and so these moments where I’d have ideas, I’d just be able to execute without worrying about time. Generally speaking, my creativity is mostly impacted by personal situations rather than extenuating world circumstances, so more than anything I just had the ability to execute better. Lots of time to reflect. Which sometimes wasn’t a happy thing, but hey!"

Kaelan: "Hey team! I’m doing alright. A cat asleep on my bed beside me, perfect temperature outside… very ready for Autumn. Frankly I think the pandemic had me lean right into my comfort food, per se, when it came to my listening habits. Not a lot of stretching myself. So I’d say in terms of creativity I’ve been drawing a lot from the music that made me."

You've just released your debut EP places i've lived. What was the inspiration behind the record and what does it mean to you?

S: "We have, and it’s very exciting and very scary. Kaelan and I are both people who very much have always had something to say. I won’t speak for him, but for me my whole life was just having thoughts and wanting to say things and materialize them into something, but sometimes you just can’t really do that, so I’d write them down and they’d go nowhere. So, in a way, places is going to be a collection and encapsulation of every experience Kaelan and I have ever had in our young adult lives. Which is to say, it means a lot to me."

Please take us through your songwriting/creative process.

S: "It generally starts with a phrase. Like, ‘Does It Matter?’ was based off of “I’d give anything to see you on a train”, ‘Last Bus in the A.M.’ was based off of Kaelan writing down “dead body smile”, and ‘Hannah in the City’ was based off of “you’d take me to the backyard, behind the Japanese maple tree”. From there, from those one phrases, I can usually think of an entire world behind it and write a song. Then I send it to Kaelan and he either flips it on its head production-wise and turns it into an LCD Soundsystem song from what initially sounded like, a Keaton Henson song, and we go from there."

What do you hope listeners will take away from your music?

S: "Pretty much the only thing we write for is to point directly at little emotions and feelings, to single them right out and say hey, yes, I have felt that, we have felt that. I think we’re mostly hoping anyone who checks the EP out will have some similar experiences."

Finally, what else is next for you? Any shows coming up?

K: "Well, places i’ve lived is the first of two sister EPs we’re releasing in this little series of letters and songs we’re writing. So you can extrapolate forward from that and assume we’re probably gonna be releasing a second EP in the near future. And it’s really great. I’m so proud of this whole thing."

S: "We’ll play shows someday, but not until all of the, well, everything that is going on right now blows over for good. We want to be absolutely chomping at the bit for our first show and not have anything bring it down a notch. It’s going to be so, so special."

places i’ve lived is out now.

Photo credit: Maxine Tamoto

#getting to know #bestfriend #places i've lived

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pumpkinpaix · 5 years ago

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Hello! and PSA

*waves* hi everyone! so uh, I’ve kind of had a bit of a surge in followers recently, and I thought I would make a bit of a PSA/intro post with a bit more targeted info than my about page.

anyways, I’m cyan! statistically speaking, you are probably here for one of the following reasons:

my fic

my meta

my gifs

my translation

all of the above

this is pretty much an mdzs blog on main these days, but I also rb a lot of other misc things because I have never been good at keeping my interests separate. it’s also my personal blog, so expect some of that? i am very all or nothing ahaha. my opinions change very quickly as I process new information, so like, something I said last week or yesterday might be different now! I’ve seen several people going through some of my older posts, and I’m just like oh dear, I said a lot of things six months ago that I no longer vibe with. /o\ please keep that in mind as you go diving in my blog!

i don’t have a BYF or DNI policy, but I reserve the right to block anyone for any reason because this is a personal blog first and foremost, and I do need to be better about setting my boundaries and curating my own online space! on that same token, you are free to follow, unfollow, block, whatever, even if we’re mutuals. <3

you’re free to come talk to me in my inbox or dms, but please be aware that there’s a very high chance I will never get back to you /o\ it isn’t personal!! I am just very mentally ill and have many difficulties with keeping up social interactions or talking to people.

in the interest of trying to be more open about myself, my brain, and what that means for me in an online/fandom space, I’m gonna do a boatload of mental health talk under the cut (or, if you’re looking at this on my blog proper or somewhere where the cut doesn’t display, it starts right after this paragraph), including mentions of self-harm/thoughts of specific self-harm etc, just so you are warned! I’ve been thinking recently that it’s good to try and take steps towards being more open about my issues, both for my own sake and others’. It’s long, because one of the fun things about my mental illness is that I am hyperverbal ahahaha (if that... wasn’t already obvious orz)

so if you’ve read pfmmpd, you can kind of get a sense of what I’m working with. a lot of how i wrote lwj was drawn directly from shit happening in my own brain, but like? dial that up from the specific issues that lwj had in that fic and apply it unilaterally across the board to almost anything you can think of.

I hesitate to describe my OCD as debilitating, but only because my specific cocktail of compulsions and anxieties and triggers push me to be hyperachieving and hyperfunctional. I consider myself pretty fortunate (?) in that regard. on paper, you could never tell how absolutely batshit my internal landscape is! which is very good for me practically in that I can hold down a job, keep scholarships, graduate with honors, have good prospects for my future, hold onto relationships (usually yikes) etc. but the fact of the matter is, I’m like. oh boy.

to give you a peek, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that have triggered me to varying degrees of severity within the last like, week or so:

my dog

a chinese folk song

my mother reading a chinese haiku to me written by a young gay man

a chinese reader of my fic lovingly and gently giving me a history lesson on china and on mdzs while praising me

stepping on a piece of snow that didn’t collapse in the precise way i expected it to

writing meta

reading meta

ruminating on my triggers (honestly, I played myself)

seeing a twitter thread going around tumblr with decent information but the OP is someone who was exceedingly cruel to a good friend of mine

visiting my grandmother’s grave

deciding to visit my grandmother’s grave

discussing the concept of cuddling my partner whom i love and have been with for four years

self-harming (truly the height of irony, being triggered into self-harm and then getting triggered by the result of the self-harm hahahahahaha)

dropping off a package

trying to explain queer-coding to my parents

talking about stressors in my life related to covid19

having a very pleasant conversation with a person i admire

editing my translation

the fact that the “close” button on my accessibility sidebar on the translation website is the wrong color

choosing between eating all the shiitake mushrooms in my soup and purposefully giving myself a bad reaction or throwing one out and wasting food

thinking about playing a fun game with my partner and a mutual friend

my mom asking me to take a photo of some tea for her

my mom asking my opinion on a photo she was photoshopping

animal crossing

writing this fucking post HAHAHAHA

like!! it goes on!! endlessly! obviously, these triggers are not simply “bad” things. the chinese folk song and the haiku were both really beautiful and i love them! but I did spend a good amount of time curled up on my floor in the dark sobbing as i played the song on repeat. the haiku was one of the last straws that ended up with me screaming and crying and hurting myself. the snow??? like wtf the snow thing. I stepped on the snow and it felt wrong and my brain just started screaming SMASH YOUR KNEECAP. ???? (I didn’t, for the record, and I would never.) I love my partner very much! I love my friends very much, and my mother, and my grandmother etc. my triggers are infinite, unpredictable, and bizarre.

I’m saying all of this because I want to be clear that MDZS/CQL fandom specifically triggers me on a daily basis, sometimes very very badly. this is just a fact! it is no one’s fault! I have decided it is worth it for me to stay anyways. it is impossible for me to request people tag for certain things because I myself have no idea what my triggers are until I encounter them. It’s like a fun mystery boss encounter! sometimes it’s low level and i’m well-equipped to handle it. other times it’s a one-hit KO. We just don’t know! there are lots of very cool content creators in this fandom that I can’t follow because it would make my dash that much more high stakes. the original source canon material triggers me! all the events leading up to Lotus Cove massacre? I was shaking at work for three hours after consuming it for the first time.

Meta specifically is something I know a lot of people like me for, but it’s 100% the most triggering activity I participate in for this fandom. like, that suibian meta post I wrote that’s currently going around? Probably took me four or five hours of concentrated effort to write because I was compulsively panicking and rewriting and editing and panicking more and qualifying and editing and qualifying some more and then debating whether I should post it or not and then fighting with myself about my wording and then immediately regretting it and then every time someone commented on it (regardless of positive or negative!) my anxiety spiked. I started a reply to a response on that post and had to stop after a few minutes because I was already starting to trigger myself over it.

this is actually a pretty good outcome when it comes to meta! I recognized that I was hurting myself before I got any further, and I only spent like, five hours on it! it was good exposure therapy for me! the bad outcome is. well. bad, as you might imagine lmao.

I like writing meta. I like talking to people about it too! I like participating in fandom, I like writing, I like translating, I like all of these things. they’re just also really hard for me! there’s a couple meta requests sitting in my inbox right now that I want to get to, but it might take me like. a long time because of. you know! *gestures* Everything takes me a long time. that first chapter of the translation took me literally five months from beginning the project to posting a final edited version. It’s just over 1k words. D8

I try really hard to be chill and kind in public and I largely think I succeed on the kind part (I hope!). If you thought I had even an ounce of chill before this, perhaps I have disabused of that notion entirely now lmao. I’m not saying this for pity, but like? just so we all know what we’re dealing with here. I don’t want anyone to get hurt when I don’t engage with them or feel snubbed if I never reply to them. and also like, hey, if someone relates it’s like hooray, high fave, solidarity! we’re not alone in this world! or maybe this will help someone understand OCD a little better! I don’t know. I hope this post is a positive thing. BUT! I’ve spent three hours on it already, and i’m definitely starting to compulsively spiral, so instead of going back and editing it over and over, I’m just going to post it. thank you everyone for your understanding! I hope you enjoy your time on my blog! (*´▽`*)

#/#//#///#////#/////#personal #psa #cyan gets too deep in the weeds #HA HA HA.#can't believe i'm using that tag on a personal post except like. of course i am #hello everyone are you ready for some cyan dlc?#well you're getting it #im anxious about this thing because i'm anxious about everything but!#we are doing exposure therapy this year!!#even if the world is burning down around us i can still try to confront my problems!!!#about

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igotthejuice · 5 years ago

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Part 2 of My Bumble Date from Hell

Okay, I’m back! So anyways, I ran behind him out of fear he was going to put his hands on her but don’t worry, he’s not a complete idiot, he didn’t touch her. He did get real close to her and started yelling at her. By the time I got over there she was walking away. I finally told him we need to go. He insisted he was fine and to not let that moment ruin our date…too fucking late but you know what, for whatever dumb ass reason I said okay LI still regret that decision and it got so much worse. So, now that everyone’s staring at us, we go back to our picnic area and he continues to drink and record me *eye roll*. Oh he brought speakers too, I’m not gonna lie, his music choice was a vibe. But he ruined that shit too low key. He acted like it was his playlist but it was actually a Brent Faiyaz Spotify playlist…which, I mean I’m not judging…but I’m judging, but only because he acted like that was his beautiful creation. Why lie about that? Anyways, it happened guys, the moment I was most afraid of, he turned to me and said, “oh shit, you know Blaine?! She told me to tell you hi!” I was so fucking pissed. Blaine was one of those girls I knew but would never tell my business to. She seems to always know peoples business. I kid you not, within 30 seconds of him saying that, I got a DM from her saying “Yo you know he has a whole ass kid on the way right?” My. Stomach. Turned. I dropped my phone and just stared at him. His drunk ass didn’t even notice. So, once I gathered myself I told Blaine I had no fucking idea but good looks. I may not fuck with Blaine but in that moment I did, she responded with sending me the girls IG profile, clutch. Luckily it wasn’t private. My heart was racing, we all know that feeling, scrolling hella carefully to make sure you don’t accidentally like anything, meanwhile he’s just living his best live with not a clue of what’s going on. Just goofy. So I’m scrolling and it didn’t look like they were in a relationship but he was definitely the dad. The picture of them at the baby shower, yea y’all she’s been pregnant for a while, had a caption that said “Our situation may not be ideal but I’ll always respect you as the father of my son.” So that’s why I figured they probably aren’t dating but still! Call me crazy but if you have a kid or one on the way that’s definitely worth mentioning. So anyways, I’m scrolling and scrolling on her page and guess who tf I see. The girl taking the pictures of us. Yup, she was at the baby shower, I didn’t know her relation to them but she was for sure there. This idiot knew her all along. So now I’m pissed because I’m clearly caught up in some mess but also, this girl was really taking pics of me and my dumb ass was too naïve to realize, sticking up for her and everything. Ughhh!! So when I finally got over the initial shock, I was like “Yo”, and I showed him the phone. Y’all I can’t make this shit up, this man instantly burst into tears. Sir. Fuck is you cryin for? Because you were exposed? Ewww. I rolled my eyes and started packing my shit. He started crying even more and, I mean do have a heart y’all. I felt bad just leaving him there crying. Sometimes I wish I was ruthless. So here I was, consoling a liar in the middle of a pandemic, and he starts coming up with all of these reasons for why he didn’t tell me. All BS tbh. Oh and that girl is the future kids moms best friend AKA the God Mother. She happened to see us and was investigating, as any good friend would. Kudos to her frfr. So once he calmed down I told him we should leave and he said he wanted to show me something to try and make up for everything. I just wanted this “date” to be over but he clearly was hurting and I knew I would never talk to him ever again so I said fine. He suggested we go to the water to see the sunset. Ehhh that part was actually really cute. So anyways we were chillen by the water and it was beautiful, I was actually considering hearing him out when he sobered up BUT…this dumb ass thought it would be funny to rough house near the water, he thought tickling me would be cute…I hate being tickled. It’s the worst feeling because I’m telling the person to stop but I’m laughing so it’s misleading lol. I should start putting a “No tickling” disclaimer in my bios. Anyways, after trying to escape the “tickle monster” I kept backing up, tripped on a rock and fell in the Nasty! Ass! Water! I got out the water drenched and just fucking lost it! Everything I had bottled up just exploded and I just went off on him the way Tyra Banks went off on that one girl we were all supposedly rooting for back in the day. Anyways, I guess he didn’t like what I had to say because he started going off on me. I don’t really remember what he was saying because he was so damn drunk and barely making any sense but I do remember him saying “Nobodies fucking with your dusty ass anyways.” Oooop. Bruh that shit honestly had me weak though…but only because I know I’m not dusty and that’s on periodt. But also, I love a good roast session. So anyways, I’m walking back to go get my skates so I can get tf and they weren’t there…yup, my fucking skates were gone. I mean why not? It was a horrible date already, lets top it off with my skates being stolen, nbd. Anyways, I hopped my nasty soaked ass in an uber and ubered my ass home. As you know by now from my other blogs, ya girl is a whole ass investigator outchea. As soon as I got comfortable I went back on his future kids moms IG and just started digging lol. Lucky for me she’s one of those girls that posts everything so it was quite entertaining. I didn’t really find anything juicy out though, just that the bike he came with was hers, apparently he didn’t have a car for a while so she was kind enough to let him use her bike since she couldn’t use it right now, maybe it was her brothers, idk but regardless, the FUCKING nerve of him. Long story short, I got the juice and I don’t have time for shit like that and I think I answered my own question, no second chance for him. He’s actually texting me now saying he was so embarrassed and out of character. Aht aht, sucks to suck. Lmao what a damn mess? Well anyways, I’m about to be out. Oh guess what?! Remember the ex I mentioned a few blogs ago? The one that led to my 9 months of celibacy? I think it’s time I fill you guys in on that story. I’m going to a cookout this weekend and him and his new gf will be there. I hate having mutual friends with ex’s. The last time we spoke he drunk called me and told me he regrets everything and that he was sorry and he wanted to meet up…his girl was in the other room.

#igotthejuice #part2 #tickle monster #the nerve #aht aht #bumble date #periodt #wednesday #celibacy #date from hell #brent faiyaz #spotify

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wcamino-confessions · 5 years ago

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The Scamming Situation

First of all, the hope was that this would all be kept private, since no one in this is happy with the outcome. I’m CrownFerret, and I was friends between RenegadeCroww (who I know as Korbin) and the victim. Korbin’s tablet had broken, and he needed it to draw and do commissions. I can’t honestly remember if the tablet was fixed, or if a new one was bought, but either way $200 had to be made by Korbin to satisfy their parent as repayment for the tablet. I’ll call this person Ace (has nothing to do with who they really are, just a nickname to keep from saying “the person”) Ace who had helped other in many other situations decided to offer $200 as soon as the coming Friday. Unfortunately, I don’t have a recording of this conversation because it was in a voice chat in my Discord server. However, I was there for the agreement that for Ace’s $200, Korbin would repay him with art. It was like a giant commission what Ace would work on getting over time (like ordering art piece by art piece until it was cleared up) I want to make it evident that Korbin was the one to suggest the art in the first place. So Ace and Korbin went on, Korbin came back into the server shortly after and said that his parent was getting more and more on his ass about the money. Ace, seeing the message, assured that he’d send the money the following Friday. Korbin apologized for his parent being so impatient, and that’s when Ace decided to send the money early. This was the first text message that shows that Korbin was aware he’d be paying him back, but he suddenly switched it to money. Part 1 - https://sta.sh/01oq2f6af8ka Part 2 - https://sta.sh/01maho15i665 (I will post the link in the comments of this submission if it doesn’t work in post.) So then that was it? Right? That was the end of it? Korbin drew the owed art for Ace and all was well. That’d be nice if that was the case, instead there was no communication from Korbin. No, instead he was in my DMs constantly talking about how he felt about Ace, and all the issues they had. I listened, and I gave advice when I could. This behavior continued into into my hiatus, but still I remained the middle man between them because Korbin wouldn’t go to Ace directly to discuss the problems himself. I had to transfer messages myself. Now, private messages I am way more touchy on showing since these are the private messages between Korbin and I, and so I’ll only show what I think is most relevant. Here is where Korbin brings up again that he recognizes he owes Ace art. https://sta.sh/02czk6zb2ac2 * I blocked out his name, as well as a friend’s name as to not tie their name to this whole thing. I continued to be there for Korbin and Ace at the same time. While Korbin was going on about how Ace supposedly only kept Korbin around for art, I was calming down Ace who was constantly worried about how Korbin was doing, and if they were being too harsh. And then something else happened. On April 1st (bad day for this to happen, I know) Ace vented in a chat, leaving out names, but the people within the chat found out who it was. At this point, Ace was coming to the realization that he wasn’t going to get the art at all. Ace’s friends found it was Korbin, and they started trying to get Korbin banned. Ace, however, is the only reason Korbing wasn’t banned, as he stopped the mob and told them that Korbin would be paying him back just to make them stop. So Korbin wasn’t banned that day, and I was in PMs with him trying to calm Ace down. Once the mob was over, we just returned to normal, since we were still on speaking terms with Korbin, and had yet to really take action- just hoping it was going to be sorted out without needing to get the WA LT into it. https://sta.sh/0zqgcb9h21m ^ Part of our conversation, showing Ace DID NOT want Korbin banned at the time, and did his best to protect him. It was pretty silent, and then April 27th came around, and I had been in contact with Ace since he had shown clear discomfort in my WA chat. We talked for a bit, and then I decided to try and talk to Korbin myself and see what I could work out between them. To save space in this submission, the outcome of the talk was an understanding that they weren’t going to be friends anymore. This was also when I learned of the apparent “lies” and “rumors” that Korbin said were being spread about them. The “lie” was that Korbin owed Ace anything, and when I say I was surprised– Not only was that said to someone who had been in the call when it was decided, but I also owned the server that the payment was made in. I knew that Korbin had made a deal with Ace to draw for him in return for the $200 he sent. Again, it was like a giant commission and everyone in attendance at the time had that understanding. I believe that’s when Ace finally caved, and it was reported that Korbin had scammed him out of the money. I won’t say directly what leaders were involved, as I know at least one has asked to remain anon through this, and I will respect that. The LT member speaking to Korbin said that since it was off Amino (on Discord), Korbin couldn’t be punished on amino for his actions. Okay, we get that, that’s understandable. Now here’s the kicker. The same LT member excused the scam, and the reason was that Korbin had made onecustom for Ace. That one custom excused Korbin entirely from the scam in the eyes of that LT member. Ace was understandably upset, and we returned to our PMs. That was shortly before we both decided that it wasn’t worth it, and Ace made the choice to instead end their friendship, and leave it at that. No refund, no more talking about it, just the end. I also found myself feeling the same, and then Korbin messaged me, further calling Ace a liar. https://sta.sh/059m63twkj4 ^ The comment where he accused Ace of spreading the “lie” I’ll admit, I got very angry. My whole motto since I got back has been “why waste time being angry” But I was tired. I was tired of constantly hearing Korbin say shit about one of my closest friends over and over again. And so I lost it, and we got into an argument. It ended at the same time our friendship did. Ace and I were ready to move on. I told the server since Korbin was pretty active there, and we were only going to tell mutuals about the full story since they wanted to know the most. I made it very clear that none of our friends would have to pick sides, we just wanted them to know. And then you guys heard. You heard, and Korbin spewed out what could have been the worst way to handle this. Now, if you have questions, then ask them, but this is the full story as it happened, with screenshots and dates to back it up. No one forced Korbin to delete his account, he did it all on his own. Ace doesn’t want to dwell on the situation, and the sooner we all move on, the better. What you chose to do as a friend of Korbin’s is none of our business, and only of your own concern. Don’t attack Korbin, don’t name call him, don’t feed into the fire.

#submission

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tickle-her-senseless · 4 years ago

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Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

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