#(for me personally. me myself. which is not the point of the post so i'm not saying it there. because i'm brave)

[drdemonprince]

I keep seeing the posts about male socialization and idk it makes me feel weird because I identify as transfem and I *do* believe I had male socialization. I find it easier to identify with and understand male groups and to feel involved in the while I feel less at ease understanding how women feel and think even though my personal view of myself leans more towards a feminine identity. All these posts make me doubt that I am truly "transfem" and that even if I am, that I am fundamentally transfem in a different way than most other transfems I run into. Is there any sources or writing out there that either provides a counter-perspective or at the very least points to nuance on this subject from a transfem lens? I wish I didn't feel so alone with these feelings.

Your feelings and experience do not make you any less legitimate as a transfeminine person. A lot of trans women rightfully and understandably need to counteract the notion that they're oppressive privileged males or whatever by asserting, as clearly as they can, the many ways in which their socialization was a female socialization, with all the double-standards, demanded emotional labor, sexual predation, etc that entails -- but the very need to assert these things is due to the culture's twisted misconceptions about what gender even is and how it operates.

It's not as though a young person only gets the socialization of the binary gender to which they were assigned -- they get mandatory cishet socialization, and they see what is expected of the "other" gender, and that impacts them, and the standards for that other gender also influence how they are interpreted and seen.

And so I do think, to a certain extent, that when trans people assert that we actually didn't get socialized as our assigned gender at birth, we got socialized as the correct gender, actually, we are unfortunately ceding ground to the transphobes on a couple of key points. One, we're conceeding that there is a singular binary socialization that the two genders each get, which are separate from one another and always exhibit specific features, and two, that a person's socialization as a young person is a key determinant of their gendered experience, privilege, and identity forever, no matter what happens after they are young.

And you know, both those things are totally wrong. There is no one female socialization. I've written about this before, but I wasn't raised to be feminine. I was raised the way working-class girls are raised, which is to be no-nonsense, unfrivolous, serious, sporty, and capable -- a wife and mother, but the kind that never wears a skirt or cries in front of people. And there is no singular "male" socialization either -- I cite a few trans femme people in this piece who experienced themselves as having some male privilege before they transitioned, and some more typically "male" experiences, while also quoting a number of trans women whose lives went the exact opposite way. I assert in the piece that their experiences are theirs to name, and that there's a number of different ways we might each understand and categorize them personally -- especially when we take into account how much gendered socialization is dependent upon class, race, immigration status, diasporic status, and much more.

My view is that however you think your live played out, and whoever you find community alongside, you're right. I'm about to answer a similar ask about this from a trans masc perspective, but I'm a guy who has a ton of women friends and always have. I grew up mostly with girls as my closest buddies and we did things like playing pretend and having slumber parties and doing makeovers. I could chalk this up as a "female socialization" experience I guess if I wanted to. But I also grew up with a lot of gay boys, and I am a gay man, and guess what -- a lot of us grow up with predominately female friends. I don't think I have some essential feminine quality because my friends kept insisting on putting eyeshadow on me when I was ten. The fact I was bad at sports and couldn't be the tough, no-nonsense person that my culture expected me to be was gonna affect me whether I was a boy or a girl. And my upbringing was significantly different from that of one of my very best, oldest friends, whose family owned a successful business and were able to buy her a car and a horse and shit.

You're not betraying anything or lessening your own transfemininity by resonating with some typically "male" experiences or for having close male connections. Lots of queer women do! Just like I have plenty in common with lots of women! We don't say that cis women aren't women because they grew up tomboys, or had a ton of brothers, and the same is true of you. Even if you don't think of your younger self as "a tomboy" or even as a girl. You don't have to ascribe to the narrative that you were always one gender and always moved through the world with that identity. To demand that all trans people do so is respectability politics -- we cannot and should not require that all people be trans in the same ways. I have written before that transition to me feels at once both pre-ordained AND a choice that I made. You can say that you lived as a boy for some years or were a boy if that feels right to you, or that you had certain privileges while also suffering from dysphoria and disconnection; it's your life and you know it best and what serves you.

I wish I had narratives from trans women writers to direct you to, but for the most part the trans women who I've heard express feelings like yours have been in the support and discussion groups I've been in, and in private conversation -- I think because the socialization experiences of trans femmes are so unfairly politicized. I hope if any trans femme people see this have anything to share or any words to say that they will!

[aifasdoesthings]

I think this addition is very interesting!! There are lots of ways to refer to people from the USA, which brings the question: why do we not use anything other than the term "American"? Why anything else sounds wrong or forced? Mostly the issue lies on two things: (1) how "economic" they are linguistically wise, and (2) the opposition systems languages are built in.

(1) Wikipedia does a good job explaining this, so I'll attach the explanation here:

Basically, when we speak, we search for the most simple verbalization that's able to convey what we want to say in the clearest way. Almost always, we have to sacrifice one to get the other. If I use, say, "Usonian," instead of "people from the US," I'm getting a shorter, easier verbalization, but most people will not understand what I mean because let's be honest, it's a rare term in comparison to the widely-used term "American." I'll probably have to explain why I'm using that term, and probably risk getting called ugly things in the process because it's interpretable as (a) me being uncooperative in communication, and/or (b) me trying to distance myself from the other person. Either way, negative feelings are involved, just like in the "Usamerican" case. The difference probably is in the fact the later is more similar to a particular Spanish verbalization that makes it more familiar and less "mean" to foreign speakers with this first language.

Which takes me to (2), which is: forgive me if I'm quoting the wrong book, it's been a while since I last took Phonetics and Phonology, but in the study carried out by David Brazil in his book "The communicative value of intonation in English" (1985) [A/N: I searched for the book everywhere without luck, it's very interesting if you want a good Linguistics read!!] he proposes that, when making a word prominent (by phonological accentuation of a syllable), you're placing that word in contrast. It could be between two or more choices, like, e.g: "I want CHOcolate" (in the context of having to choose among ice cream flavors); or directly between that term and everything that is "not that term." Taking the previous as an example, the speaker chooses "chocolate" and contrasts it with not having chosen "not chocolate" (i.e., anything that is not chocolate).

So having said this, if I choose anything other than "American"—for the sake of the example I'll say "Usamerican"—I'm unwillingly creating an odd, unwanted distinction between "American" and "Usamerican" as in "Usamerican" ≠ "American". Same happens with "Usonian," even with "Yankee," which a lot of Americans consider a rude word when it's not referring to New Yorkers. So.

[A/N: Mr. Brazil's study isn't oriented towards word acceptance, it's oriented towards the use of the systems of intonation to achieve our communicational ends, to convey choices, etc. I hope I'm not making bad use of his excellent teachings.]

The point of this is not that I'd sound unpatriotic, it's that I'd cause confusion with my words, or even rejection, if I were to use any of these terms. It is happening with "Usamerican" already, of course. But the difference has to do with how terms from other languages start to permeate English, especially on the internet, because it's a two-way phenomenon (referring to what I said in my other, previous reblog to this same post).

In the end, it's a matter of clarity, simplicity and the complexity of opposition systems that are very difficult to break into. And very much one of the complex problems this globalized world with a huge focus on the anglosphere has, that we don't often stop to consider.

And remember: it's not that we "speak wrong", it's that we were forced to speak a language that's not ours to not fall behind and we do our best to make it ours too. Cheers.

[Thank you OP again for bearing with me fdhdhf]

usamerican is a stupid term why does this site use it so often

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

[teddyonaboat]

other queer people who call a queer actor of a character they happen to hate (because he and/or his fans are bad in their eyes) a sexual harasser and homophobic because of their own bad faith interpretations of that actor should be ashamed of themselves

[lord-squiggletits]

I was at a "making friends" kind of social event just this past week and ended up having two subsequent conversations with different people that gave me an interesting reflection on my own reasons for writing without me even intending to make the conversation about it.

First conversation: The person talked about the feeling of awe from being at a music concert and how incredible it is that so many complete strangers can be united by a singular love of music. I related to it with regards to my own writing and how many people have read my stuff. Ended up telling this guy about some of the AO3 comments I've gotten from people to the effect of helping motivate them to live/just reflect on life in general. Somehow went into a tangent about a suicidal friend of mine who died when we were in high school, and me saying that maybe the reason I write so much about the things I do is because of the influence his death had on me. And the other person ended up asking me, 'So do you think it's like every time you write, you're doing it in his memory in a way?'

Subsequent conversation was with someone who was a psychologist for a day job, and I ended up telling them that I was kind of thinking of getting a degree in psychology/therapy one day because writing about mental health issues had gotten me so interested in the world of helping people heal themselves. But then I was also like, "Well, I don't know, it could be that I don't need to become a psychologist to help people with mental health. Maybe helping people by being a writer and telling stories is enough."

It was just a surprising, but topical realization for me to have talking to a bunch of strangers. For someone like me who's often preoccupied with doing and having knowledge and expertise, I often fall into the idea that you need to be directly involved in helping people to really be making a difference. I've literally had thoughts in my mind along the lines of "I'm so smart, hardworking, and dedicated when it comes to writing, but wouldn't it have been so much more of a net gain to the world if I'd decided to be this passionate about something like being a doctor or activist that actually helps people?" It's not like I truly regret being a writer (or ever will, because there's nothing else that I love so much), but in my bad moments I truly do sometimes think "Why does it make a difference if I entertain people or make them feel nicer for a while if it doesn't actually change anything in the world?" To quote one of my favorite Transformers fics of all time, "There was nothing that would have been more worthwhile, but that didn't rule out the possibility that the whole damn universe was wasting its time."

I guess the answer is that making someone feel better, even in a small way, is changing the world, even if it's just a few people, and even if it's just as simple as making someone's day better.

[musical-chick-13]

I haven't seen this take a WHOLE lot, but I have seen it enough to get. Frustrated. About it.

So for anyone who doesn't get it: no, symptoms of mental illness are not, in every case, majorly or solely the result of Dealing With Capitalism. Sometimes, they can be! Sometimes the symptoms are situational, and those situations are heavily related to how much capitalism sucks! But many times they are not. I am sorry, but mental illness and trauma and neurodivergence are still going to exist even if capitalism completely goes away. We still have a responsibility to treat the people affected by and experiencing these things with compassion and understanding. We still have to. You know. Acknowledge that their life experience is going to be a lot different than many other's is.

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

[purpurussy]

.

[incesthemes]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

[kindahoping4forever]

Just wanted to post a quick note saying today is the 5th anniversary of when I finally went to my first 5SOS show. Every year I think about how wildly different my fandom experience would've been if I'd been able to attend previous tours, how everything aligned just right for me to finally go to MYT, how I almost talked myself out of attending the night before, how completely unrecognizable my life would be today if I hadn't gone. I probably wouldn't have a blog to post this to. You wouldn't know me, I wouldn't know you. I never would've met so many of my friends. I wouldn't have ever met my best friend, the best friend I've ever known. I never would've rediscovered my love for writing. I genuinely don't know how I would be spending my days and I wonder if they would still be filled with the kind of joy I have found here in this community.

It feels fitting that this reflective day coincides with the last show of this tour, a tour that has been powered by appreciation for the bond we share and celebration of the time we've all spent together. Keeping up with this tour has been impossibly fun (and sometimes just plain impossible) and I can't think of a better way to have spent the past three months. I'm happy to have experienced it - and the past 5 years - with this band and with all of you. Thank you to this band, to my friends, to anyone who's ever interacted with me here and most of all, to Past Me for buying those tickets all those years ago. I wouldn't have a place to call home without you. 💙

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

[magentagalaxies]

as much as this past toronto trip was incredible and i'm so grateful to have experienced it i'm also probably gonna need like at least a week to fully recover from it bc jfc. like last trip resulted in a dopamine-crash that made me spend most of my free time taking naps and even tho that trip was amazing it doesn't even come close to the incredible high points this KITH-weekend had. plus this time i had to come back to a major holiday the day after i got back to the US and i was unable to find time to take my antidepressant today bc i didn't have time to unpack

which like fine i'm gonna let myself rest before i make myself write an in-depth recap. but also pairing this exhaustion with the extreme ambition this weekend instilled in me (seriously, nothing makes you feel like your comedy can change the world more than getting high while watching the SNL movie with scott thompson and having him hype up every weird aspiration you vocalize lmao) means there's so much i wanna do right away but my brain just can't yet. so that's where i'm at!!

[reminiscentrainclouds]

You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.

[boxwinebaddie]

an uncle nina check in <3

hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333

i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<

i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!

and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.

however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...

makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333

so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,

uncle nina xx

[dragonlights]

Like I don't Post about drama but vis a vis predestro's Tumblr ban, like. I don't necessarily think it's a good thing that we on the Internet have become so desensitized to threats of violence that we use them as jokes, but like.... That's been Tumblr culture for, what, a decade now? At least four years. Almost definitely longer.

And like. I've seen so much worse. Folks admitting to sending asks telling others to kill themselves!! Folks outright wishing x/y person killed themselves!!! Folks harassing trans folks (esp. trans women!)

But what gets this one lady banned was her man door hammer hand car boom-ass post???

Like, talk about enforcing the TOS from the wrong angle.

I totally get that part of it is "this person had their rule breaking reported en masse so something happened" but shouldn't the severity of the response have more to do with the severity of the offense, rather than how many people reported that user?

Like. The fact that we have to do mass reports to get anything to happen to anyone is ridiculous.

And, the fact that INCORRECT mass reports aren't punished more is also ridiculous.

There's also no report function for discriminatory content, or for seeing users harass each other. So... If you're not the one being harassed, your report does... Nothing??

Unless you, what scroll through someone's blog looking for things you could report as threatening violence??

On the "I hope every politician dies" webbed site???

There's obviously something fucky with their reporting system- either the way that reports are handled, or the way the severity of the reports are being judged.

Cause right now, it looks like they got a flood of reports from TERFs, photomatt saw a post about him, and went "well, fuck it, get her out of here" without looking at the context of HER BEING HARASSED FOR AGES. And that the post in question- the only one I saw shared!- was almost certainly a vent post for Said Situation that was...

Comically mishandled?

Like this one?

Like. Look. Do I think maybe at some point, on the "way too comfortable with violence on people I see as Wrong in some way" webbed site, a popular user said something that could actually be construed as a threat, and due to rampant transmisogyny got, got her shit reported?

Yeah, I can see that.

I don't follow her blog too closely, I know she does a lot of hyperbolic stuff. (as is Done on this Web site, again... I've almost certainly rb'd things just as bad)

But the example photomatt uses is hilariously bad and so obviously not a threat, and one would think, IN LIGHT OF THERE BEING ALLEGATIONS OF TRANSPHOBIA ON THEIR TEAM FOR YEARS, THEY WOULD BRING OUT A MORE CREDIBLE PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAN A LOONY-TOONS ASS DEATH WISH.

Just. The bar was on the ground and they still fumbled It! Fucking! Amazing!

[elytrafemme]

holding my breath on this but its only been like 3 days of me REALLY posting other shit on here than just my thoughts and it already feels so much better. like i am glad i have this space to talk about my mental health and very kind people who have stuck with me through my many years of breakdowns but like... i don't know. i'm kind of sick of dealing with my own shit, and being able to like rb silly posts or talk about my interests on here just feels better. i'm still going to be sad as fuck on here sometimes, probably, but i like that i can kinda be a whole person more. i'm so tired of tumblr being the holding cell for my misery. i'm so tired of being miserable. least i can do is post about pokemon every once in a while